Episode 985 - Howie Mandel
Marc:all right let's do this how are you what the fuckers what the fuck buddies what the fuck sticks i don't know if that's a nice one but haven't said it in a while how are you i'm mark maron this is my podcast wtf i'm okay thanks for asking things are okay howie mandel is on the show today i i've
Marc:Howie Mandel is a comedian.
Marc:He's also a host of the Deal or No Deal business, but he was a big comic back in the day.
Marc:And it's one of those stories, man.
Marc:I mean, he was huge.
Marc:He was huge in the 80s.
Marc:He had a gimmick.
Marc:He had a hook.
Marc:He was a thing.
Marc:And then, like, the other thing that's interesting about Howie that I don't know that... Well, you know, if this is interesting to you, is that he was really one of the...
Marc:First modern comics to sort of make the transition onto a television show as a dramatic actor, for the most part, and pull it off.
Marc:He was on St.
Marc:Elsewhere for years.
Marc:And I remember at the time thinking, like, usually when you see a comic do dramatic shit on television, certainly back in the day, things have gotten better.
Marc:Some of us have...
Marc:have gotten better at it but you know you kind of saw the self-consciousness you had funny expectations like when's the guy going to be funny isn't he usually funny you know i don't believe this i don't believe he's pulling this off but how he pulled it off and then apparently like i didn't really put this together until i talked to him that you know there was some uh you know he was kind of washed up a bit and uh there was uh something a change happened and now he's uh
Marc:He's the deal or no deal guy, but his comedy career is going well, and now he's an entrepreneur in a way.
Marc:He's a partner in owning the Montreal Comedy Festival now.
Marc:But nonetheless, it's been a long time coming, and Howie Mandela's here.
Marc:So that's what I'm trying to tell you.
Marc:What else is happening?
Marc:I'll be at, uh, starting a run.
Marc:I'm not sure exactly what the dates are for the full run, but I will be at the dynasty typewriter space here in Los Angeles on the 20th of January.
Marc:Um,
Marc:And then you can go to wtfpod.com slash tour for those dates.
Marc:I'll be March 23rd at the Wheeler Opera House in Aspen and March 24th at the Boulder Theater in Boulder, Colorado and Dynasty Typewriter here in Los Angeles on January 20th.
Marc:That's happening.
Marc:Going to make some vinyl available on the website soon in the merch area.
Marc:Some signed to real albums.
Marc:Also, again, my friend Sam Lipsight's amazing novel Hark is out.
Marc:And I know some of you are like, hey, what do you keep pushing your friend for?
Marc:Well, he happens to be a genius.
Marc:And there's a lot of unsung geniuses in the world.
Marc:He gets a lot of attention.
Marc:But I'd like to sell some books for Sammy because he's so fucking good.
Marc:You can go to harkthebook.com and pre-order your book.
Marc:I got it.
Marc:I think it's let's talk about my genius friends day.
Marc:Sarah the painter, my girlfriend, just had an opening here in Los Angeles that went spectacularly well.
Marc:If you are in Los Angeles and you'd like to see her work,
Marc:She did.
Marc:These are, I swear to God, between us, the best paintings she's done.
Marc:Certainly.
Marc:Well, I mean, look, this.
Marc:OK, I have to navigate this properly in case she listens.
Marc:But she's always done good paintings.
Marc:But for some reason, this batch that she's been working on the last year or so just seemed very complete and beautiful.
Marc:And her vision seemed tight and they're big and strong.
Marc:It's really some show.
Marc:It's at the Honor Frasier Gallery here in Los Angeles.
Marc:It's going into March and she painted the floor of the place, which is a whole other painting in and of itself.
Marc:She did a stained glass piece in one room.
Marc:So, yes, so that, you know, we went to the art opening thing where I feel like I feel like it's it's it's a whole different world and not many people know me in it.
Marc:So I just kind of lounge around and I invite a few friends.
Marc:Dave Anthony came and Armisen was there and a couple of the glow gals came and Alex Karposki just showed up because he happened to be a fan of her paintings and I didn't even invite him.
Marc:But so I kind of socialize with the people.
Marc:I got Al Madrigal and his wife, Steve Brill and his wife.
Marc:And then all the art people come and she does her business and I show my friends around like some weird, like I had something to do with it.
Marc:It was a nice evening, nice paintings.
Marc:So if you like the abstract art and you want to see Sarah's work, that's at the Honor Frasier Gallery here in Los Angeles in the Culver City area.
Marc:Okay, there you go.
Marc:I have a sort of a pitch for the border negotiations.
Marc:I've been doing some thinking on it, but I have an idea.
Marc:I'll get to that in a minute.
Marc:I got to get some work done on the House.
Marc:I got to... This is just...
Marc:I guess being a grown up and like I in some of you, you have kids.
Marc:I don't even know how you have kids.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I'm constantly worried about the kids I don't even have.
Marc:I'm worried about the kids I might have had.
Marc:I'm worried about, you know, how they're going to turn out and whether they're going in.
Marc:Where are they?
Marc:Where are they?
Marc:Why haven't they called?
Marc:God damn it.
Marc:Are they going to get into that school?
Marc:God damn it.
Marc:Is this just a flu or is this it?
Marc:God damn it.
Marc:That kid can't throw.
Marc:God damn it.
Marc:He's an artist.
Marc:Shit.
Marc:What are we going to do?
Marc:Well, we got to let him do it.
Marc:Do we?
Marc:Yeah, we can't fight him on this.
Marc:We got to let him be or her be who she's going to be and define herself.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I think we got to step in.
Marc:Nah, let it...
Marc:Let her figure it out.
Marc:Let him figure it out.
Marc:Let him embrace his creativity.
Marc:Oh, now we got to find a rehab.
Marc:Jesus Christ.
Marc:It never ends with the kids I don't have.
Marc:So, oh, yeah, I think that we should start negotiating.
Marc:We should stop thinking in terms of a wall.
Marc:I was thinking about my neighborhood and my house.
Marc:There's a lot of these kind of like these kind of loud
Marc:Kind of belligerent, you know, right wingy people.
Marc:It's like, well, you know, you build a wall around a house and, you know, that's security.
Marc:People do it all the time.
Marc:So why not build a wall around the country?
Marc:A little more territory and hard to manage.
Marc:But what I've noticed is I think hedges.
Marc:A nice big hedge, you know, sometimes a deterrent.
Marc:So I don't know why that's not the conversation.
Marc:So we can put some of the five billion or four billion left over into things like education and infrastructure that would actually help people in a day to day basis and maybe start talking about a nice.
Marc:you know, six, seven, maybe even eight foot manicured hedge along the southern border with cameras every, you know, every mile or two.
Marc:Like, where's the hedge conversation?
Marc:That would be nice and you wouldn't have to steal anyone's land or uproot anybody.
Marc:And, you know, I guess, you know, there's an animal situation with the eating of the hedge.
Marc:But I think that'd be a nice deterrent, just a pleasant...
Marc:hedge i'd like to see the hedge discussions get underway that's my that's my plan plant a hedge no doesn't have the same resonance so ali mandel is here his new stand-up special howie mandel presents howie mandel at the howie mandel comedy club premieres friday night january 18th on showtime dealer no deal is back wednesday nights at nine eastern on cnbc and uh
Marc:I, you know, I like Howie and we had we actually got me laughing at things that I didn't think I would necessarily laugh at or think I would laugh at.
Marc:But I think that's his gift.
Marc:That's his gift.
Marc:You have that moment where you're like, really?
Marc:And then you're like, oh, shit.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So this is me and Howie Mandel.
Guest:where'd you come in from santa monica that's where you live part on the weekends i'm in santa monica in a little apartment yeah which i love yeah and then the rest of the week i live in the valley in the house where we raised our children where i've been trying to talk my wife into selling because i don't want any more stuff but she likes oh so you just want to have live the life of a an elderly jewish couple in a in a condo with kids who are out of the house
Guest:I am an elderly Jewish couple with a condo whose kids are out of the house.
Guest:So it's not, it's not a, you don't aspire to do that just happens.
Marc:It's a natural progression of things.
Guest:That's where I am.
Guest:But she wants to hang on to our youth, to the house.
Guest:I don't want to, I don't, I don't like stuff.
Marc:Stuff and problems.
Marc:Houses have problems.
Marc:There's no end to the problems.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:We're sitting.
Guest:I don't know how much you've talked about this.
Guest:But you're sitting.
Guest:You created a project.
Guest:This is a beautiful home.
Guest:You have a beautiful home.
Guest:Thank you very much.
Guest:And it's like a piece of art.
Guest:And I love looking at it.
Guest:I love looking at homes.
Guest:And I actually like the real estate business.
Guest:So I like buying and selling and fixing up.
Guest:You're a big real estate guy.
Guest:I do like... You know what?
Guest:As a kid, I played Monopoly.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then as an adult, I'm still playing Monopoly.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Did you buy Park Place?
Marc:No, but I would love to.
Marc:An expensive one.
Guest:It is very expensive.
Guest:So I love that game, but I don't want to... I'll buy something, but I don't want to take care of anything.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I'm having enough trouble trying to take care of myself.
Marc:Can't you just hire people to...
Guest:That's what I do.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You know, but I mean, not to take care of me.
Guest:I'm saying when I, when I, uh, I hire people to fix up the house.
Marc:But do you like, have you been investing in real estate for like decades kind of thing?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Many, many, I am very smart and I have never really, you have to realize who you're talking to.
Guest:You're talking to a guy who came out here and tried to make a living by putting a latex glove on their head.
Marc:I know exactly who I'm talking to.
Guest:No, but what I'm saying is I'm also intelligent enough to, well, I was wrong, but I was intelligent enough to go, there's no way.
Marc:That I can put the glove on my head for 40 years?
Guest:Or that I can maintain three meals a day just with a rubber glove.
Guest:That's right, right.
Guest:So I've always been cognizant of the fact that, you know what, if somebody gave me scale for something and I made $200, $300, and now I think that's up to $500, I wanted that $500 to work for me.
Guest:I've always been incredibly... You thought that way.
Guest:Where'd you learn that?
Guest:I was thrown out of school when I was 16.
Marc:Wait, okay, so you're of the Toronto Mandels.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I feel like I'm at a bar mitzvah.
Yeah.
Marc:You're the Toronto Mandels.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:A Jewish family.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's not a coincidence that I'm Jewish.
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:Yeah, no, I get it.
Marc:But like, I'm always fascinated with the Canadian Jew thing, because as a guy who's a Jew whose roots are in New Jersey.
Guest:I listen to you and I know you and your upbringing doesn't sound that different.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:But but the fact that there's like a huge Jewish community in Montreal and Toronto, I'm just sort of like, oh, we really got all over the place.
Guest:You know, the Jews are very fascinated by the fact that, you know, it's really interesting because British Jews.
Marc:I'm like, really?
Marc:You talk like that?
Guest:Well, even when I met my first friend from like South Africa, I thought Africa.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And, you know, my my reference was Tarzan.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I never thought of limited limited.
Guest:But I think a lot of Americans, you're probably more versed than the average person in this country.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You know, they know very little about Canada.
Guest:Nothing.
Guest:Nothing.
Guest:So, you know, they imagine these tundras and these igloos.
Marc:Trappers, furs.
Guest:Yeah, Jews and igloos.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Yes, which would kind of make sense.
Guest:That looks like the Yarmulke.
Marc:It looks like a frozen... Only very religious Jews live in igloos because they double yarmulke.
Marc:The house is a yarmulke and then, yeah.
Guest:Right.
Guest:On Shabbat, you can't even light the candle in the igloo.
Marc:No, no.
Guest:Or you can light the candle, you can't turn anything on.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Did you grow up religious?
Marc:Not really.
Marc:You?
Marc:No.
Marc:Conservative.
Marc:Yeah, me too.
Marc:Conservative.
Marc:But no guitars in the shul.
Marc:No stained glass windows.
Marc:Not reform.
Marc:No.
Marc:Just conservative.
Marc:You go on holidays.
Marc:You get the bar mitzvah.
Marc:Maybe you do the confirmation thing and that's that.
Guest:What's a confirmation?
Marc:I know.
Marc:No one seems to know what that is.
Marc:I don't know.
Guest:That's not a Jewish thing.
Marc:No, it was when I went to Hebrew school, when I was bar mitzvahed, you're supposed to go for another two years to Hebrew school for the confirmation process.
Guest:I never heard of it.
Marc:Maybe it was a racket.
Marc:Maybe it was a racket.
Guest:I think you were raised by liars.
Guest:Yeah, I did.
Guest:Who didn't want you around the house?
Guest:Who wasn't?
Guest:Who wasn't raised by liars?
Guest:Two more years to the confirmation.
Guest:I never heard that.
Marc:I didn't hear that.
Marc:Is it a big Jewish family?
Guest:Yours?
Guest:My brother and I.
Guest:that's it yeah and then when i moved out here i tried to maintain it because i felt so lost and so out not enough jews in hollywood for you it wasn't that i felt like this was a culture shock and i had never really unlike a lot of people that grew up in the states and that you know most of my generation where i come from yeah uh lived grew up and still in the neighborhood work you know 10 miles from where we grew up so your grandma was around the corner
Guest:like a 10 minute drive but you know they were part of your life they were part of my life both sides yeah grandparents very close isn't that great coming out it actually is but you don't realize that now you're saying that as an old jew did you think it was great in the moment no thank god for my grandma goldie i would have been a disaster if there wasn't one one dc like one grounded stable adult in the world she was great but i would my father wasn't a grounded doctor
Marc:He was a doctor.
Marc:How many doctors do you know that are grounded?
Guest:I don't know doctors.
Guest:I played a doctor on TV for six years.
Marc:I know that you seem to go to a lot of doctors.
Marc:I do.
Marc:I mean, you rely on them.
Guest:Are they not grounded?
Guest:Don't tell me.
Marc:No, they're grounded, but that's what they do.
Marc:They're doctors all the time.
Marc:They're obsessive, crazy people that spend their life being a doctor.
Marc:You took no comfort in the fact that there was a doctor in the next room.
Marc:No, I was a complete hypochondriac for most of my life until it just broke down finally, thank God.
Marc:I'm a hypochondriac now, but you didn't find that comforting?
Marc:Well, that was the only way there was.
Marc:In retrospect, I think that a lot of that in me, that neurotic thing was to get attention from my father.
Marc:I mean, you know, you got a doctor in the house who's like distant and never home.
Marc:If you say I'm dying, he'll show up.
Marc:I love that.
Guest:But you're saying it is kind of a, you're coloring it as a little gray, like a little, that's a positive.
Marc:It's a positive, but it would be nice, maybe some ball playing, maybe him not running around the house looking for a hat going crazy.
Guest:Well, you did ball playing, except you had to cough when he was playing ball with you.
Marc:Oh, you love that bit.
Marc:You love it.
Guest:I just came up with it.
Marc:No, you did not watch your special.
Guest:Oh, you saw it already?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, wow.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:No, you know, I related to it.
Marc:I related to it.
Marc:You did a ball joke.
Marc:It wasn't the same ball joke.
Guest:But, you know, there's only one set of balls.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:It's an extensive nut cream.
Guest:Because as a comedian, we always look for the, you know, the relatability, right?
Guest:You want people to be able to relate.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Yeah, I think some of us, yeah.
Marc:It took me a long time to... Well, there was a period where I wanted to blow mine, so I wanted people to go like, wow, what the fuck?
Marc:And then as you get older, you're like, you guys do this too?
Marc:I was not initially a you guys know what I'm talking about guy.
Guest:But I thought, can I just give you my perspective on you?
Guest:No, but my perspective on you was even the curmudgeon, neurotic, was probably the most relatable.
Guest:It was the tone that was relatable, sometimes more than the story.
Guest:We all feel like we want to be you, but we didn't have the guts to sit in public and be that guy.
Guest:But we are you.
Marc:Yeah, I always believed that.
Marc:I got nicer.
Marc:Early on, I was more bitter than curmudgeon.
Marc:Bitter's not, it's hard to make bitter entertaining.
Marc:I've learned.
Marc:Because it's a little bit self-pitying, the bitterness.
Marc:Like, if you're just sort of, I'm fucked, fuck you.
Marc:People are like, I feel that, but you know.
Marc:But you're here today, and that was a good bridge.
Marc:Yeah, it was a good bridge.
Marc:It was the only way I could get here, I think.
Marc:But we're talking about Jews, doctors, love, family.
Marc:Comedy.
Marc:My grandma Goldie.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I liked it when I was a kid because my parents left Jersey when I was very young, so I would go back.
Marc:And if I spend a week or two of my grandparents, it was great.
Marc:I loved it.
Marc:And they weren't in the neighborhood except when I was very young.
Marc:And they took care of me a lot because my parents were doing it.
Marc:And you've made it.
Marc:And it's because of them.
Marc:At 45, Howie, I finally pulled it out of the bag.
Marc:And now I'm 55, and it's been a good decade.
Marc:I'm 63.
Marc:But you were always making it.
Guest:You know, but I never feel like I'm making it.
Guest:I always feel like I'm, like, clawing and scraping to just stay with my head above the water.
Marc:But let's go back.
Marc:Let's see, like, so you're in Toronto.
Marc:What's your brother do now?
Guest:Lighting.
Guest:Like, not show business lighting.
Marc:He sells lights.
Guest:Like, these pot lights that are aiming down on them.
Marc:Like, you could go to him and say, I want a medium-sized pendant for my kitchen.
Guest:Wow, you just bought a house.
Guest:You know, sconce, pendant.
Marc:I need a sconce.
Marc:Where do I get sconces?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I didn't even know the term pendant.
Marc:But I know what it is.
Marc:I didn't either.
Guest:Well, you do.
Guest:I do now.
Guest:See, a pendant, I thought, was something you put on a lapel.
Marc:It's also that.
Guest:Why would you put a chandelier on your lapel?
Marc:Well, a moron would do that because he doesn't understand.
Marc:He's taking the word.
Marc:Light it.
Guest:We're talking about it.
Marc:That's right.
Guest:House, you know.
Guest:So, OK, so my brother, my father's business was the lighting business.
Guest:My brother was his partner.
Guest:My father has since passed and my brother has that.
Guest:But my brother, nobody in my life was in show business.
Marc:And I. Your dad was always a lighting business owner.
Guest:No, he had a strip club.
Guest:He had a strip club in Toronto?
Guest:No, in Stratford, Ontario.
Guest:Stratford is probably the biggest... There's a Shakespearean festival, Stratford-on-the-Avon in London, and there's a Stratford-on-the-Avon outside of Toronto.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he bought a hotel there that had a bar in it.
Guest:It wasn't consistently a strip club, but he hired entertainment.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So these are show business.
Guest:Yeah, I wasn't allowed.
Guest:The one thing I saw is he had this one stripper, Princess Glow.
Guest:And Princess Glow weighed probably 350 pounds.
Guest:And she took a bubble bath on the stage in a big kind of a champagne...
Guest:And she was very agile.
Guest:She was able to... She came out of the... 300 pounds?
Guest:Yeah, maybe more.
Guest:And she was big.
Guest:And that was her thing.
Guest:And then she walked around the room with her wet, soapy breasts and dropped them on bald guys' heads.
Guest:That was the act.
Marc:And you saw that?
Guest:I think that might be the inspiration for the rubber glove.
Marc:I was just going to say, yeah.
Marc:I mean, you're like this.
Marc:I just came to that realization right now.
Marc:She has a hook.
Guest:You just need a hook.
Guest:Well, for me, it was more like protection.
Guest:I just didn't want anything that wasn't mine dropped on my head that was wet.
Guest:Oh, that was it?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Now I'm doing, this is more of an analysis and I'm going back on myself.
Guest:It is.
Guest:It is fine.
Guest:I'm always, you know.
Guest:But you thought that way when you were a kid, like that looks germy.
Guest:Yeah, I don't have any recollection of not feeling that way.
Guest:And in my day and age, which is your day and age, but it, you know, the stigma of being crazy.
Guest:Yeah, it was is and was even a bigger stigma.
Guest:So it was kind of my craziness was accepted.
Guest:So my brother, when my brother and I was accepted by your family, you mean.
Guest:In the sense that it was normal.
Guest:Nobody said anything like if my brother really wanted to fuck with me, he would hold the laundry hamper lid near me and I would scream like a little girl and not come home for hours.
Guest:But nobody said, why does that?
Guest:Why does that really?
Marc:They just said like the Mandel kids touched.
Marc:He's got a little bit of an issue, but he's a good kid.
Guest:Yeah, I remember being five or six.
Guest:I can't remember how old you are when you learn to tie your laces, but they taught me to tie my laces.
Guest:And then I remember my laces undid at school many times because I wasn't good at tying the laces.
Guest:But once the laces had touched the ground, I didn't want to touch the laces.
Guest:Really?
Guest:So my shoe would be untied and loose, and I'd walk in a Quasimodo kind of limp just to keep my shoe on.
Guest:But then...
Guest:And I allowed the children to make fun of me because I was the only one in the class that didn't know how to tie their shoes.
Guest:And I didn't want to say I didn't know how to tie my shoes, but I didn't want to touch.
Guest:I didn't want to touch.
Guest:So every waking moment was for me, it was torturous that, you know, within I didn't really share.
Marc:But it sounds like, you know, the hinge of that story is you let the other kids laugh at you.
Marc:And that seemed to serve you.
Marc:I mean, because you're still letting them laugh at your.
Guest:Choose your pain.
Guest:You know, that I didn't.
Guest:I loved laughter for me.
Guest:My parents always.
Guest:Maybe I did have a very different home upbringing than you.
Guest:They loved comedy.
Guest:Loved.
Guest:My grandma did.
Marc:My grandparents.
Guest:And my... I remember my parents watching, like, Jack Parr and listening to albums.
Guest:And I must have been, like, under five.
Guest:And I would hear them laugh, and that laughter was like a magnet.
Guest:And I would run into the living room to see what they were laughing at.
Guest:And whether I was watching, you know, a stand-up comic on TV.
Guest:So I'd watch a stand-up comic on TV, and he would be talking, and it was...
Guest:The best comparison is if it wasn't English to me, because as a four year old, you have no reference.
Guest:You know, my mother in law says, I don't even know what the fuck a mother in law is, you know.
Marc:But you knew the guy was funny, you know, because he was saying it a certain way.
Marc:Right.
Guest:I got the idea that there was cadence and everything.
Guest:And I remember sitting on the floor and looking back and my parents were hysterical and my dad would be wiping his eyes because he'd be crying.
Guest:whatever somebody was saying, the first inclination of how to achieve this.
Guest:And it seemed to be with all my neurosis about staying clean and not touching things, this was a comfortable place to be bathed in the sound of laughter.
Guest:And I remember one Sunday night, maybe five, six years old, I sat there and they were watching Candid Camera.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Alan Funt.
Guest:Alan Funt.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Who was like a reassuring kind of doctor type.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, in my mind.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:A familiar old Jew.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But he explained to me and I've never had that before.
Guest:He explained to me what he was going to do.
Guest:And he said, here's what we're going to do.
Guest:Here's what I'm going to do.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:This is a fake office here.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And we have hired a young lady to answer phones.
Guest:And I have told her as the boss under no uncertain terms, you cannot miss a phone call.
Guest:You have to.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You know, my whole life and my whole business is predicated on getting these phone calls.
Guest:You must get the phone call.
Guest:So she we know that there's a woman hired to answer the phone.
Guest:He shows me that there's a rope attached to the desk.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And that rope goes through a wall into another room where every time the phone rings and she goes to reach for it, they're going to pull the rope and the whole desk is going to slide across the room away from her.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So now this is the first time I understand this is English.
Guest:It's not in the form of a joke.
Guest:Right.
Guest:He's told me exactly what he has set up.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:As a five-year-old, I understand it.
Guest:That anticipation bubbles inside of me.
Guest:I mean, it's like when you're hiding behind the couch waiting for a surprise party.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I look back at my parents and we're all waiting and waiting.
Guest:And the woman sits down and the phone rings and she goes to reach for it.
Guest:They pull the rope and it goes and her jaw drops.
Guest:And I was hysterical.
Guest:You remember that first laugh.
Marc:I do.
Guest:First time I had sex.
Guest:It's exactly like that.
Guest:And it was the first time I laughed and my parents were probably in their...
Guest:20s and 30s at the time, they were laughing and the three of us were laughing and I said, oh my God, this is the best feeling.
Guest:As an adult, I realized that when you can have that kind of deep laughter, there's endorphins that are released.
Guest:It was an amazing thing.
Guest:Now, I never had the idea that I just wanted to try to
Guest:redo that so again no understanding of the concept of this guy has a television show yeah this guy has an audience yeah no this guy's getting paid I just tried to reclaim that for the rest of my life and the way I reclaim that you know and I have since been diagnosed with you know severe ADHD yeah and other issues and part of the issues that I've diagnosed I don't think of the repercussions I don't think ahead I just I'm really impulsive and
Guest:So I would sometimes at school and places in the moment do something in my mind, you know, whenever it gets quiet in the room, I'm going to scream.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:But I, you know, and that's just ridiculous.
Guest:It's, I don't know that it's even funny.
Guest:I didn't have a friend in the world to say, watch this.
Guest:As soon as it gets quiet, I'm going to scream.
Guest:So I would just, you know, the room would be quiet and I'd go, you know, and
Guest:Everybody would look at me and the teacher would just stop and I would be laughing hysterically alone, alone.
Marc:So you were that kid.
Guest:Well, it wasn't, I'm not the class clown.
Marc:No, I know.
Guest:I would hire one time in the yellow pages.
Guest:I hired a construction worker.
Guest:Didn't tell anybody.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I hired a company, gave my name so that in math class from the third floor, I saw this guy.
Guest:I said, I want to get a quote on an addition to the library.
Marc:At the school.
Marc:At the school.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And it was just fun for me to sit in math and there's a guy out back with a tape measure and a clipboard.
Guest:And you did that.
Guest:I did that.
Guest:But nobody, nobody, I didn't share it with an audience.
Guest:I didn't share it.
Guest:I didn't have any reason to do this, but...
Guest:Like in my own mind, this is how off I was.
Guest:You know, I'm not really the guy that has the authority to do this.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I called a guy and he's there because of me.
Guest:But why not share that with an audience so everybody can look out the window and maybe laugh?
Guest:But they didn't.
Guest:And then I watched the and I got more excited as I watched the vice principal walk out.
Guest:And what are you doing here?
Guest:What are you doing?
Guest:And they said, well, we're going to give a quote.
Guest:Who authorized this?
Guest:I'd given my name, which I thought was funny, too.
Guest:Howie Mandel.
Guest:And then I remember we're all sitting in class and they go, could Howard Mandel please come down to the office?
Guest:I come down the office.
Guest:I'm face to face with the with the vice principal.
Guest:He said, did you.
Guest:did you hire a construction company to... And dead pan serious, I go, no, no, no, no, I'm getting quotes.
Guest:And then I could see, like, in that time, and it's no context, I'm not a comedian, I'm not in show business, I was never in a school... I wasn't in a school play, nothing, could you just wait here?
Guest:Like, he's handling me with kid gloves, like...
Guest:An explosive, you know?
Guest:He called my parents.
Guest:He called my parents in.
Guest:My parents are sitting there.
Guest:And I was enjoying this, again, alone.
Guest:And he explained that, you know, your son called a construction company and he was measuring and he's wasting these people's time.
Guest:And I could see my mother biting her lip because they did have a sense of humor.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:I don't know that they thought I was doing it to be funny, but for me, I kind of grasped the situation and thought, like, what does he expect them to say?
Guest:We told him never to get quotes on an edition.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So, you know, and eventually, you know, I had behavioral problems, they said, and they asked me to leave.
Guest:And I went to another school.
Guest:They asked me to leave.
Marc:Because you kept doing weird shit.
Guest:Weird shit.
Marc:But weren't you being made fun of?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You have to realize I tried to be accepted, and then I thought, okay, sports.
Guest:But what sport can I get into?
Marc:Where you don't touch people.
Guest:Well, in high school, I was 4'10".
Guest:I weighed 86 pounds.
Guest:You didn't eat?
Guest:I did.
Guest:But the only... I was just a waif.
Guest:I was just a little... And I wanted to get in sports.
Guest:I wanted to meet a girl.
Guest:And I couldn't... What team am I going to get onto?
Guest:I got on one.
Guest:The wrestling team.
Guest:Like an idiot.
Guest:But I thought if they saw me in a uniform and I was on a team... I don't think...
Guest:So now they give me a singlet.
Guest:I'm wearing a one piece girls bathing suit.
Guest:I have curly brown hair down.
Guest:I look like a little girl.
Guest:And for a guy that doesn't want to shake hands.
Guest:Now I'm rolling around in the under 90 weight class on the floor.
Guest:I'm on the floor with other guys.
Guest:I wanted to meet a girl.
Guest:And now I'm in a one piece girls bathing suit with a sweaty guy lying on top of me, pinning me.
Guest:How about how long that lasts?
Guest:Two years.
Guest:So you were in it.
Guest:I wanted to quit, but they didn't have anybody under 90.
Guest:The coach was my history teacher.
Guest:The coach wouldn't let me quit.
Marc:But it wasn't so paralyzing that, you know, like, I mean, you couldn't function like that now.
Marc:I mean, obviously the germophobia got worse.
Guest:Well, I would go home and take four showers.
Guest:I would be washing my hands.
Guest:I wouldn't touch anything.
Guest:When I took off my singlet, I made a divider in my locker so it wouldn't touch anything.
Guest:There's a lot of work.
Guest:I was able to maintain some sense of normalcy by building.
Marc:Right, but it's weird the specificity of it because I have a little bit of OCD, but it's not...
Marc:I have an order issue.
Marc:I have a checking issue, stoves and stuff.
Marc:I can get locked in it, but it's not paralyzing.
Marc:But it's weird that you have this basic germophobia, but yet the real focus of dealing with it happens after the fact.
Marc:You're keeping separate, but you're still rolling around on the ground.
Guest:Because I have two different issues.
Guest:I have a lot of...
Guest:You know, OCD and ADHD.
Guest:So I'll do something without any thought.
Guest:And then I go, oh, fuck.
Marc:Right.
Guest:How do I get out?
Marc:You still had to live with touching other people and rolling around on the ground.
Guest:And I did.
Guest:You know, the truth of the matter is, like, even when in 1999, when I got a talk show, I told them, you know.
Guest:the, the powers that be was paramount at the time.
Guest:You know, if I'm going to have guests on, is there any way that I don't have to, cause I see on every talk show when somebody comes on and you greet them, you shake hands.
Marc:Right.
Guest:That's why I love this podcast.
Marc:We haven't touched.
Marc:No, I don't know.
Marc:We did have this thing.
Marc:I've been highly aware of your, you know,
Marc:I wasn't expecting that.
Guest:But they said, no, we can't.
Guest:In 1990, we can't deal with that.
Guest:You've got to shake people's hands.
Marc:And that was a deal breaker?
Guest:Not a deal breaker, but it wasn't a negotiable thing.
Guest:It was just something that I asked.
Marc:Were you visibly uncomfortable every time you...
Guest:Because people would come on to promote their movie and they might have a cold and that's not why they missed a show.
Guest:How many times have you seen a talk show where somebody goes, I don't know, I got a bit of the flu.
Guest:That's my nightmare.
Guest:So my friend who is an orthopedic surgeon.
Guest:That's where my dad was.
Guest:Orthopedic surgeon?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So he gave me that scrub shit.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Marc:The weird orange stuff?
Marc:Yes.
Guest:I had it under my desk.
Marc:Did you have a sink under there?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:No, I made a little, like, a wash pan.
Guest:Like, there was a wash pan, and I could do that and then rub it under my... But then, you know, I said something that I'm a germaphobe.
Guest:This is the start.
Guest:And the guy has... He's actually... I think he's from Philly or Pennsylvania.
Guest:The guy that invented Purell.
Guest:He sent me the first...
Guest:tubs of Purell.
Guest:He said I put them on the map because I go, I need to Purell.
Guest:I need to Purell.
Guest:We made that the vernacular.
Guest:You're the guy?
Guest:I'm the guy.
Guest:And he's given me, I've done a fundraiser at his temple, the guy that owns Purell.
Guest:But I used it so much.
Guest:Purell is great.
Guest:I'm not knocking it.
Guest:But I use so much antibacterial
Guest:My hands were continuously soaked in it that I started to notice I started getting warts all over my hands.
Marc:Warts?
Marc:Warts.
Marc:Because you didn't have any natural immunity to shit.
Guest:So that was the point.
Guest:I killed all the bacteria, the good bacteria, the bad bacteria and whatever.
Guest:So all these viruses started growing on my hands.
Guest:So I I learned yourself.
Guest:I did.
Guest:There's no good.
Guest:There's no method to my madness.
Guest:It's just madness.
Marc:So when do you like, okay, so you get kicked out of school, you're a prankster, but no one appreciates it because they don't know you're just a weirdo.
Marc:And what, do you have jobs?
Marc:When do you start comedy?
Guest:Yeah, no, I did really good.
Guest:I had carpet stores.
Guest:I'm colorblind.
Guest:I opened up carpet.
Marc:You're colorblind too?
Guest:I am.
Guest:I have so many issues.
Marc:No, but I mean, like, what does that mean?
Guest:Reds and greens kind of look alike and browns.
Guest:But to be a carpet salesman, it's not good.
Guest:I'll tell you it's not good.
Guest:But I used to sell a lot of carpet.
Marc:You can see patterns over it.
Guest:But I could sell.
Guest:Okay, so I got a job because I was thrown out of school.
Guest:I don't have a GED.
Guest:Everybody went on.
Guest:ahead of me.
Guest:All my friends, you know, went to college and became lawyers.
Guest:In fact, my best friend since I was 13 is my manager today.
Marc:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Michael Rotenberg.
Marc:Oh, that's right.
Marc:I was with Rotenberg for a while.
Marc:You've been with him since the beginning.
Marc:Since we were 13.
Marc:I saw him when you were at the store for some reason not too long ago.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So he's Michael Rotenberg slept on my couch when he was going to law school and he was a window washer here in L.A.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But I'll go.
Marc:Everyone got their GED and you didn't.
Guest:No.
Guest:And I was and I did not like at the time.
Guest:This is the mid 70s.
Guest:I'm not into disco.
Guest:I'm not into dancing.
Guest:I didn't go to clubs and dance.
Guest:People were learning.
Marc:Did you have a girlfriend?
Marc:When did that happen for you?
Guest:I didn't have a lot of girlfriends.
Guest:And then the girl that I'm with now.
Guest:Your wife.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:She's still a girl.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:We've been together 40 years.
Marc:So you got one and you're like, this one.
Guest:I better hang on to this shit.
Guest:Because they don't come easy.
Guest:And I don't want to be wrestling around on the ground with another bunch of sweaty guys.
Marc:In the unitard.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:So...
Guest:They started opening up.
Guest:In the mid-'70s, there was this wave of comedy clubs.
Guest:You're from New York, so I think Catch opened up and the improv.
Marc:Yeah, city-based comedy clubs.
Marc:Not franchises yet, but it was a thing.
Marc:No, no, no, just a big club.
Guest:And in Toronto, we had Yuck Yucks.
Marc:Mark Breslin.
Marc:Yeah, wow, you're good.
Marc:I've been doing this a while.
Marc:I mean, I've been in comedy a while.
Guest:I know, but just to remember the names.
Guest:I don't remember the guys who owned the Funny Bones or anybody.
Guest:I don't remember...
Guest:i only i remember some club owners that guy's name is stroop the funny bones in columbus i don't know all right i just remember there was a whole chain yeah so so but the point was that i heard about this yeah and i i went one night with one or two friends because i didn't like disco and they said do you want to have you ever seen stand-up comedy i'd gone to second city and saw that you did sketches back in the day like when gilda was there and stuff gilda and martin
Guest:short those people john candy and all those because they were in toronto they were in toronto rick moranis rick moranis was the fm radio guy who started doing i saw him at yuck yucks yeah doing stand-up before he was doing even his movies that's crazy it is crazy
Marc:Did you see that production of Godspell?
Guest:No, it did not.
Guest:I watched their Second City, whatever they were doing.
Guest:So somebody said one night, you want to go see a comedy club, stand-up comedy?
Guest:I go, you know, I've never seen stand-up comedy live.
Guest:You know, I saw on The Tonight Show.
Guest:So I go there.
Marc:Did you like comics?
Marc:Were you at that point into comedy?
Marc:No, not at all.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Not at all.
Marc:Just passive comedy?
Guest:Just kind of, you know, what do you want to do?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I go see live comedy, and there was something at the time in the mid-'70s that doesn't exist anymore, but it was electric.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was fun.
Guest:And to see some young...
Guest:Edgy, talking about real stuff, talking about stuff that I can relate to.
Guest:You remember who you saw?
Guest:That night, you wouldn't know any of them.
Guest:But Larry Horowitz?
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:Do you know who he is?
Guest:Nope.
Guest:No.
Guest:These are all local comics.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Jerry Bednob?
Guest:Yeah, sure.
Guest:Jerry Bednob came out here.
Guest:I remember Jerry.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I had gone to the club, watched it and it was great.
Guest:I just sunk into the whole thing at this point.
Guest:Unlike when I was four, I understood all the references.
Guest:A lot of these people were my age in their early twenties and they were talking about dating and they were talking about, you know, how their parents fucked them up and they were talking about, and I'm just laughing my head off.
Guest:And then Breslin comes up and he goes, you know, at midnight, if you think you can do this,
Guest:amateurs Monday at midnight, you should get up and do it.
Guest:And the guy they're sitting with, he goes, you should do it.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I'm going to go up Monday.
Guest:Let's come back Monday.
Guest:So that was that.
Guest:And again, no, I didn't have any desire to do it.
Guest:I just said, okay, I'll do it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Impulsive.
Guest:Impulsive.
Guest:No, um, uh,
Guest:And then once I said, I'll do it, I'll do it.
Guest:But no preparation.
Guest:No thought that maybe you should prepare.
Guest:Maybe you're going to be standing in front of strangers.
Guest:Maybe this will be humiliating.
Guest:Maybe you shouldn't be doing this.
Guest:And maybe there's no reason to do this.
Guest:Come midnight.
Guest:Were you freaking out?
Guest:No, because I don't think about that stuff.
Guest:Really?
Guest:You didn't have fear?
Guest:No.
Guest:And that's my, it's been my gift and my hell.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Because I have enough fears in other places where I shouldn't have fears.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Like if I think I might have to shake somebody's hand, that's fearful.
Guest:Standing in front of- No dread.
Guest:No dread.
Guest:Well, I'll tell you where the dread came.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:so there's no thought i just thought you know and i think if i had to analyze you know this would be fun because i'm not a comedian wait till they see this i'm coming out at midnight i got a couple of friends with me i'm just gonna make uh it's just gonna be a shit show no plan no plan what are you kidding what do you plan i don't i didn't know that jokes are planned yeah
Guest:So he goes, ladies and gentlemen, now Howie Mandel.
Guest:It's the first time I heard my name over a microphone.
Guest:I walk out, and it's a 300-seat club.
Guest:There's a lot of people there.
Guest:This is the heat of the mid-'70s.
Marc:The first wave.
Guest:Right.
Yeah.
Guest:And, and I, and I walk out and I'm standing there and then I, it, then this wash over me is holy fuck.
Guest:Look where I, and I'm not sitting at a table with a friend.
Guest:There's nobody to look at.
Guest:The lights are in your eyes.
Guest:It's burning your retinas.
Guest:I look down to the first row, the first row, there's people sitting there that I don't know.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I could see, I'm not a good face reader, but anticipation, like do something for me, funny boy.
Guest:Like what the fuck are you wasting our time?
Marc:Isn't it great when you see that face sort of, you turn into like weird shock, disappointment.
Guest:Oh, it was disappointment within it, you know, because I, so there was this thing.
Guest:So then I figured in my mind, I was live in the moment.
Guest:I was, and if you get, if you watch any of my old YouTube, it was real.
Guest:So now the panic sets in.
Guest:So I go, oh, shit.
Guest:Like, this is the end.
Guest:There's no.
Guest:So I go, OK, OK, OK.
Guest:All right.
Guest:OK, OK.
Guest:All right.
Guest:And that's stuck.
Guest:And I was thinking.
Guest:And then they start to giggle.
Guest:And I go, what, what, what?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:OK.
Guest:All right.
Guest:OK.
Guest:What?
Guest:OK.
Guest:Wouldn't this be?
Guest:All right.
Guest:You know what I was?
Guest:And I had nothing except this exuberant fear and trying to get things going.
Guest:And that's even where the glove came out of.
Guest:Because I had OCD, I had a glove in my pocket.
Guest:So, you know, I pull it out and I go, okay, okay.
Guest:What if I just, this is ridiculous.
Guest:I'm going to pull it over my head.
Guest:And then I start breathing and the fingers go up.
Guest:They're roaring.
Guest:And I'm going, like, in my mind, I'm going, what?
Guest:This sound...
Guest:Of these people accepting nothing is the most.
Guest:And I walked off the stage.
Guest:It was just great.
Guest:I did two, three minutes.
Marc:That's where the glove came up because you had to carry them.
Marc:Nothing.
Marc:I had that.
Guest:And that's what if you look at all my old specials, it's me going, OK, OK, OK.
Marc:I know you still.
Marc:I was I was surprised last night after 20 years.
Marc:You haven't done a special that there's not a lot of that left.
Marc:You don't do that because that was such a signature thing.
Marc:It was my hand.
Marc:You're talking about my gestures.
Marc:But they were real.
Marc:No, I know.
Marc:I know.
Marc:But you got used to them.
Marc:But last night, you're a little more comfortable.
Marc:You're moving around the stage.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But there's still a little there at the pace.
Guest:It's me.
Guest:But it doesn't come from... But I've always been and always... And my new special, which is on Showtime, is about... And it was even that time in 1977 or 76, whenever I got up on stage...
Guest:But what's worked for me is authenticity.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, and the real story.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And I'm not making up jokes.
Guest:I'm not making up.
Marc:And I think that thing came organically, obviously.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It did become a signature thing.
Guest:Right.
Guest:My hand and the turning and the nervousness and the contorting when that became a conundrum for me, because when I ended up getting things or figuring out how to.
Guest:you know, assimilate these moments into an act.
Guest:Like I'll close with the glove on the head.
Guest:I'll open with, I can do the Bobby's voice and I can do this.
Guest:I was no longer nervous.
Guest:And then I didn't enjoy when I was going, okay, okay.
Guest:Cause they wanted to hear me say, okay.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:What, what was real?
Guest:It was genuine.
Marc:And it became a curse.
Yeah.
Guest:A little bit because it became an act.
Guest:That first one wasn't an act.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And what you see on Showtime now is, I guess you do a stand-up act.
Guest:Sure.
Marc:But it is me.
Marc:No, of course.
Marc:Yeah, I mean, you came to your stage persona organically.
Guest:Always.
Guest:And it's constantly changed throughout the years.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I know.
Marc:I mean, I noticed that right away.
Guest:But you said you're different.
Guest:We started your conversation.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:Well, I was very defensive.
Marc:Like, you know, I handled it differently.
Marc:You know, I started out doing sort of aggressive jokes.
Marc:I was a kind of neurotic Jew when I when I was younger.
Marc:But then I got angry and I.
Marc:I like that kind of shock driven, kind of like provocative comedy.
Marc:But as I got older and more relaxed, you know, that that need to really connect started to happen, you know, to have that conversation with the audience.
Guest:But the people that do best, there's no there's no that I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass.
Guest:The reason you're doing great now is because I think that people.
Guest:adhere to authenticity yeah they know me yeah that's for sure i can't hide myself i don't it's not a you know it's not a character i can't hide behind jokes i can't but even the anger was real so you made it but you made a living doing that you paid the rent yeah doing it it for you to do that it doesn't matter the point is i find it fascinating you know for me people say how do you make it how do you make it in this business
Guest:Success in making it is to find, you know, the fact that I found that I was so messed up and the fact that I found this path, this, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world, even if you're barely paying the rent, you know, when I moved out of here, I wasn't making a lot of money.
Marc:But your singular sort of thing, like there's two types of guys, because you know and I know that there are guys that work their ass off writing jokes and they're great and they can go up there and make those jokes work and usually they end up writers, but there is a way to do comedy.
Marc:Like when people ask me about it, I'm like,
Marc:Look, if you don't got what it takes to be a standup, which is a hell of a life, but you have a knack for joke writing and stuff, there's other avenues for you to use that talent.
Marc:But, you know, to be a guy who stands on stage, you know, you got you're going to need a little more than just jokes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I think what what kind of resonates now with everybody and anyone, whether it's comedy, politics, whatever it is, is more than ever.
Guest:And I think it's the advent of reality TV and.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But also like you had that problem because what you created was authentic.
Marc:But then when you start to realize you got to repeat it, then there's then you start to realize like, well, there is, you know, I'm being me, but this is me on stage.
Marc:Right.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:It came from the real place.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But there are days where you're like, no, I got to do it again.
Marc:I got to like, OK.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And I didn't feel like that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, and, and, and I'm going, what, what?
Guest:But I know what, I know what you're laughing at.
Guest:When I, when I started going, what, what?
Marc:That's okay.
Marc:There's a little, you relax a little bit though.
Marc:Right.
Marc:When you know that.
Guest:Now I do.
Marc:Well, so when do you like, did you become a big star in Canada?
Guest:No.
Guest:So I came... I'm from Toronto, and Detroit Comics started coming over and playing in Yuck Yuck.
Guest:So Mike Binder... Mikey.
Guest:Yeah, Mikey.
Guest:He'd come up with Coulier and those guys.
Marc:When he was like 12?
Guest:Yeah, he was called Kid Comedy.
Guest:I know, yeah.
Guest:And when he came back to Detroit, he was already working in L.A.
Guest:He would play...
Guest:Mark Breslin learned, you know, Canada has an inferiority complex.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And so does Mark Breslin, I think.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But that's they would, especially at that time.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:We would be on every night.
Guest:People were enjoying themselves.
Guest:But if Mark Breslin put from New York.
Guest:You know, and it was a name you didn't know is another young guy.
Guest:That place was lined up down the hall because there was some reverence and still to this day given to somebody who's been in when you're from Canada, been in New York, been to L.A.
Guest:And even if you're a comic that is from Toronto and you went to L.A., you have to make sure that the audience knows that that kind of gives you the stamp of approval.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Well, I think Breslin, because of the way he handled it, did a great thing for Canadian comedy.
Marc:I mean, he really.
Marc:He was Canadian comedy.
Marc:He supported it and he defined it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And that's where they all, you know, you're talking about Norm Macdonald coming out of there.
Guest:You're talking about Jim Carrey coming out of there.
Guest:You're talking about just and so many writers and producers and people that went on to do great things.
Guest:And in fact, that's become my mission to kind of put Canada on the map as a hotbed for comedy.
Guest:That's why I bought the... Yeah, you bought the festival?
Marc:I have a festival.
Marc:You're the festival.
Guest:I am.
Guest:Well, I'm one of the partners.
Guest:But for those that don't know, the Just for Laughs Festival.
Guest:Can I tell you, you were very eloquent this year because Glow won that big award.
Guest:Oh, thank you.
Guest:You spoke so wonderfully.
Marc:Oh, thanks, man.
Marc:Here's the weird thing about you with all the neurotic and all this and that is that essentially what ails you is what makes you so driven and so successful.
Guest:Well, I have said that, you know, I have learned to be comfortable with discomfort.
Guest:Me too.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And that fuel is what makes you feel alive.
Guest:If you're scared to death.
Guest:if you're really excited i love the moments in comedy when it's not going well i love the fear of standing in front of a huge crowd and having it go into the toilet and then just try to oh yeah yeah because you're cornered yourself and that's when you know you're really funny oh i love that and that's kind of like my analogy is i love roller coaster i love death defying but you're very diplomatic i mean you're not out there like you're not going to push them so far away on purpose to where they're not going to like
Marc:No, and I don't push them on purpose.
Guest:I'm saying if I do something that doesn't work.
Guest:You know, I remember once playing at Radio City Music Hall.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And the crowd is fucking on fire.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like it's going crazy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I should be enjoying myself, but I'm a neurotic comic.
Guest:There's one guy in the front.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And like a laser, you're going, this fucking guy, he's not making any eye contact.
Marc:I did that the other night.
Marc:The night before last at the main room, there were two dudes up front, and I'm like, what is happening?
Marc:The rest of the room's enjoying it.
Guest:And you're so focused on that negative, on that one person.
Guest:So I don't know what drove me, but it's just the neurosis that we all share, and it's uncomfortable.
Guest:And I go, wait, wait, wait, everybody.
Guest:The fucking guy in the blue sweater...
Guest:He doesn't even make eye contact with me.
Guest:He doesn't seem to be enjoying the show.
Guest:What the fuck is your problem?
Guest:What is your problem?
Guest:And the lady next to him says, he's blind.
Guest:And I said, he's blind.
Guest:And you could feel the air.
Guest:The vacuum.
Guest:The vacuum.
Guest:And everybody's heart just dropped in the stomach.
Guest:And it was just dead.
Guest:And I wasn't enjoying the moment.
Guest:But then...
Guest:In that moment, where was I going to go?
Guest:I was in comedy hell.
Guest:But I said, I'm open enough that whatever I'm thinking, I go, can I ask?
Guest:This is my question.
Guest:And I know I probably fucked.
Guest:I shouldn't have pointed.
Guest:I was doing great.
Guest:I don't know why I put a stop to this.
Guest:But I do have a question.
Guest:If you have a blind friend,
Guest:why the fuck are you wasting money on front row tickets?
Guest:Like, there's no reason for this guy to be sitting up front.
Guest:Put him in the balcony and lie to the fucker and tell him he's in the front row.
Guest:You said that?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And the audience, I won them back with that.
Guest:And the point was, that felt better than the continuum of, you know, I was killing, killing, killing.
Guest:Yeah, being in the moment.
Guest:I lost it in the moment, brought it back in the moment, and I can regale you with that story again years later.
Guest:But those are the highlights.
Marc:For me, well, that's always been the way I work.
Marc:I go up with an idea, and some of the best moments as a stand-up, they only happen once.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:And people, I don't know if they quite understand that, but you walk off, you do your whole act, and there's one line that came out of nowhere, and you're like, that was the show.
Marc:That one.
Marc:Well, now I understand.
Guest:I do love music.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And how many times have you gone to a concert, a music concert, and you go, you didn't play his fucking hits.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He didn't play his hits.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And not until I got into this business.
Guest:Listen, I still want to hear the hits.
Guest:Sure, of course.
Guest:And there's a reason why I'm there.
Guest:But I understand as a performer.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Why maybe he or she doesn't want to play for the hundred thousandth time the exact same song.
Guest:Even though the crowd's going to go wild.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Everybody's going to love it.
Guest:It's your encore piece.
Marc:But our odds are better.
Marc:Because when they do a new song that no one's heard before, people really don't give a fuck.
Marc:but when you're a comic and you're going off your act they don't know that number one and number two that moment that you do something new could be the best thing you did all night right i think that bands like they're like no we're gonna try the new one and the rest of the band's like do we have to like yeah yeah i know i know i know but but that's still it we need more from a an audience than even a musician needs yeah i always say that on on america's got talent you know the the uh
Guest:Comic is the least... There's no real honor given to... You know, we're always the clown that cleans up at the end.
Guest:You know, I always resented the fact... Listen, I did The Tonight Show 22 times.
Guest:I'm talking about Johnny Carson.
Guest:I resented the fact that we talked about how we had to be invited over to the couch.
Guest:That was a big deal.
Guest:You know, and I did it, and I was... What do you mean resented it?
Guest:Because it kind of put us in a...
Guest:Donnie Most.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Who's on Happy Days.
Guest:Ralphie.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So he's the third banana, and I'm not knocking him, on a sitcom.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Johnny Carson was, ladies and gentlemen, Donnie Most.
Guest:And he'd come out and he'd sit on the couch and they'd talk to him and ask him, tell me some stories about what's happening on the set and do that.
Marc:But we got to earn it.
Guest:A comic is put on at the end of the show.
Guest:No one knows who he is.
Guest:We write our own material.
Guest:We're not singing a cover.
Guest:We write our own material.
Guest:We create our own character.
Guest:We need to elicit more than anybody on that show.
Guest:Every 30 seconds, there has to be a sound.
Guest:Otherwise you go in the toilet.
Guest:And then we look over to see whether it was good enough, whether we get a thumbs up or we can sit down.
Guest:Like the point is that, but, but if a singer came on, they were always invited.
Marc:I like that.
Marc:You still got a little fuck you and you, you know, like, you know, what the fuck is that?
Guest:But it's because I looked at it from the outside before I was even a comic, seeing those comics.
Guest:Sometimes they didn't sit.
Guest:How come some people sat and talked to Johnny, but other people didn't?
Guest:And how come the real funny guy that I liked at the end didn't even Johnny didn't say hi or they didn't even walk over to him?
Guest:I remember outside of show business didn't seem fair to you.
Guest:No.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And, and, and he talked to some actress who I didn't know who I saw and said it was a movie.
Guest:It was boring.
Guest:And she talked about going shopping.
Guest:This guy came out and slayed.
Guest:And then I heard when I started, the comics were really fine.
Guest:I looked over and I got the thumbs up and we learned to settle for that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And we learned, you know, he called me over the second time I was on.
Guest:He allowed me to sit down.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, and I thought being ordained or, or, or like, you know, knighted.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It did.
Guest:You know, and the truth of the matter is, and I don't know that there's any place that that exists anymore.
Guest:That was the place where when you went on the next day, your life was definitely different.
Marc:Yeah, that doesn't happen in a good way anymore.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You can say something.
Marc:It'll change your life forever.
Marc:But but but the interesting thing about me and you, you know, in just talking to you is that even with how scary it is, if we have ideas, I think that they are harder to get out, you know, without really finessing them.
Marc:But because like I watched, you know, the special last night that I have a natural sort of thing, like if I'm presenting something that might be challenging or that I'm uncomfortable with or that like is a risk.
Marc:You know, instead of just shoving it into their heads, you know, I'll be like, you know, OK, so I'm going to do this and we're going to get through this together.
Marc:And there's that that feeling.
Marc:I still think that you can get through most things together if you're a right minded individual and you're struggling with something comedically.
Marc:Right.
Guest:That you can present it in a way where it's understandable and for the fact that the technology that exists today is a piece of that could be taken out of context and shared.
Guest:That's true.
Guest:People who weren't.
Marc:I'm very fortunate, I guess, because of my audience.
Guest:It's not even a video.
Guest:A soundbite.
Guest:It could be a soundbite.
Guest:And then there's other ways to be embarrassed.
Guest:So I've got the special on Showtime.
Guest:And the special on Showtime is after 20 years I've been doing stand-up.
Guest:But I'm still going out.
Guest:I still do like 100 live dates a year.
Marc:And you got that club in AC?
Guest:I have my own club in AC at the Hard Rock, Howie Mandel Club.
Guest:That's where I shot this special.
Marc:I saw that.
Marc:But how does that deal work?
Marc:You put your name on it, you agree to appear there a certain number of times a year, and you have something to do with the booking or no?
Guest:Nothing to do with the booking, but something to do with the profit.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I get a piece of the profit.
Guest:But because I have a special on, I don't want to go out.
Guest:I'm going out this month, and I don't want to do that exact set that you just saw.
Marc:That's the biggest challenge.
Guest:So I'm writing.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Writing today is not like writing before.
Guest:I'll give you an example, and this is a piece that I'm working on right now that happened last night.
Guest:So I was someplace.
Guest:I was in Bloomingdale's.
Guest:I was shopping, and I was in the men's section, the underwear section.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I want to do a bit on that.
Guest:I don't have a bit yet, but it said moisture wicking underpants.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:And I'm not really sure what moisture wicking is, but I was lying in bed last night.
Guest:I thought there's a whole bit about moisture wicking and moisture wicking is that it repels or it absorbs the moisture.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I don't know if that's.
Guest:The gym clothes.
Guest:But underpants.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But my thought is if I should be unlucky enough to moisten my underpants, I want them.
Guest:I don't want them wicked.
Guest:I want them gone.
Guest:I don't want wicking.
Guest:I don't like I wet my underpants, but they're wicking right now.
Guest:And now I'm dry and I'm gone.
Guest:So that's the premise of what I was working on.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So.
Guest:I used to, when I was a younger fella, have a pen and a pad beside the bed.
Guest:And now I don't.
Guest:No, no, no, no.
Guest:I have an iPad.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So on my iPhone, I have the notes section.
Guest:And I'll just type the notes in.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I didn't have my phone with me.
Marc:Waking moisture balls.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So I had my iPad.
Marc:Mm-hmm.
Guest:My iPad, for whatever reason, doesn't have my notepad on it.
Guest:So I thought, you know what I'll do?
Guest:This is like 2 in the morning, last night.
Guest:I'll email this to myself.
Guest:So I put down, my underpants are all wet.
Guest:I need to take them off.
Guest:I don't want them wicked.
Guest:I don't know what I wrote.
Marc:I don't want them wicked.
Marc:I want them off.
Guest:I want my underpants off when they're wet.
Guest:And I emailed it to myself, I thought.
Guest:And if you look at my phone today, I don't have that email.
Guest:It went on a group email to everybody I work with that has nothing to do with stand-up comedy.
Guest:So all they got at three in the morning from Howie Mandel is my underpants are wet.
Guest:I want them off, not wicked.
Guest:And people have been emailing me all morning long going, what the fuck, are you okay?
Guest:So writing is a little, you know, and technology.
Guest:It made it more complicated.
Guest:You got to put the pad back.
Guest:But this is the thing.
Guest:So I realized, and this is how I'll use this.
Guest:So that'll become part of how I wrote that bit.
Guest:I'll do that bit, and then I'll talk about how I wrote it, and then I'll read some of the responses of the people who have been emailing me back.
Marc:Look at that.
Marc:It's a gift.
Marc:Your old man-ness is a gift.
Guest:Look at you, glass half full.
Guest:I never thought that you would be the guy with the glass half full comments.
Marc:No, it's great.
Marc:It's a great story.
Marc:It is.
Marc:It's so funny.
Marc:But how did you get from Canada the store?
Guest:I was a salesman, and ultimately that's what I was doing.
Marc:The carpet place.
Guest:But whatever I could get my hands on.
Marc:When you were selling things, were you like, wait, wait, wait.
Guest:Well, I didn't know colors.
Guest:I also didn't realize that I would try to fuck around.
Guest:I still like doing that.
Guest:And I would bring people.
Guest:My wife who is now she would tell you stories.
Guest:I'd bring her because it'd be shop at home service to me what shop at home services so that people would be interested in carpet and I always thought it was funny to be I love awkward.
Guest:I love uncomfortable.
Guest:Yeah, so like I would go you are that I
Guest:Yes, I'm uncomfortable.
Marc:I'd not make everybody that way.
Marc:Join me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So like I would lie, the family would be sitting there and I'd measure the house and then I would lie, I'd sit them all on the couch and I would lie at their feet and I would take off my shirt and I'd be topless.
Guest:And then I would have like a pen, and I would draw the living room, dining room, and three bedrooms on my chest and stomach.
Guest:Come on.
Guest:I did.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But really seriously.
Guest:And it would be really quiet, and you'd see the husband and wife looking at each other.
Guest:They would tell the kids, go in the other room.
Guest:We're talking to the carpet man.
Guest:And I'd go, you want?
Guest:So you want the shag carpet.
Guest:Do you want the plush in the living room?
Guest:This is the living room, right?
Guest:And they go, no, that's the bedroom.
Guest:Wait, is this the bedroom?
Guest:And I'd get it so that they got so comfortable where their fingers were on my chest and my tummy going, no, no, no, no.
Guest:This is the hallway.
Guest:So the hallway...
Guest:Does the hallway go from my belly button up to my areola?
Guest:And they go, no, that would be the landing to the stairs.
Guest:This is where we want the plush carpet.
Guest:We want the shag in this room.
Guest:Just put your finger on the room you want the shag on.
Guest:Your wife can do that.
Guest:And you're letting them touch you?
Guest:Well, that's not my hands.
Guest:There's a whole family just pointing at my chest.
Guest:Or I'd go into a house and I just thought it was hysterical.
Marc:That says more about Canadians than anything else.
Marc:They're like, all right, this is the way this guy does this.
Marc:Sorry.
Marc:Sorry.
Guest:We can be polite about it.
Marc:Sorry.
Marc:Do you want paper?
Guest:Sorry.
Guest:Or I'd have like a six-inch ruler.
Guest:If you did that in America, they'd be like, get out of the house.
Guest:Oh, you have no idea.
Guest:Get out of the house.
Guest:I had so many people chasing me and angered for me.
Guest:You know how comedians say there's this old saying, if I could just make one person laugh.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I loved making people angry and uncomfortable.
Guest:And I still do.
Guest:Attention's attention.
Guest:You're right.
Guest:You're right.
Guest:I didn't know what it was, but it was just so funny to me.
Marc:There's nothing more focus than angry attention.
Marc:Like, you know, when you get somebody to laugh, that's one thing.
Marc:But if someone's going to fuck you, no, fuck you.
Marc:You're like, wow, he's really focused on me.
Guest:But I would walk into a bathroom and there'd be a guy at a urinal.
Guest:And it was just funny for me to just tap him on the shoulder.
Guest:I did just, excuse me, are you going to be much longer?
Guest:He goes, there's one right here.
Guest:I go, this one.
Guest:Oh, always.
Guest:And it was just like, they don't know whether to get mad or am I, is there something wrong with me?
Guest:Or, you know, and I love those kind of answers of like, can you just wait one minute?
Guest:See what Alan Funt did to you?
Guest:Oh, all the time.
Guest:But that's, that's always funnier than anything.
Guest:Whenever you never got hit.
Guest:I got chased a lot.
Guest:I was a good runner, and I had to be.
Guest:But I always loved just... Fucking with people.
Guest:I love that.
Guest:You know why?
Guest:Because that's probably... When people say what makes you laugh or who makes you laugh, real people always make me laugh.
Guest:Don't like jokes.
Guest:Hate jokes.
Guest:Really?
Guest:You can appreciate a good joke, though, no?
Guest:I understand it, but I can't.
Guest:You know, I talk about authenticity.
Guest:You tell me two guys walked into a bar.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You know, they didn't, you know, and I wasn't there and you weren't there.
Guest:OK, something weird happens, but it didn't really happen.
Marc:But when you get to that, like when you get to the comedy store and you're immersed in it to process it, like let's go back to that.
Marc:How did you get there?
Marc:You're working, you got jobs.
Guest:Oh, so I got this great thing.
Guest:I was going to make a million dollars in 78.
Guest:I got the rights in Canada to the Uncle Sherman Flasher doll.
Guest:And the Uncle Sherman Flasher doll was a doll, like a stuffed doll.
Guest:And when you opened his coat, his dick came out.
Marc:Yeah, I remember.
Marc:It rose up.
Guest:That's later.
Guest:You're younger than me.
Marc:This is before the rising.
Marc:It was just fabric.
Guest:There was nothing technical about it.
Guest:Anyway, I was going to sell this all over Canada.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Big hit.
Guest:So they shipped it.
Guest:It got stopped at the border.
Guest:It's pornographic.
Guest:So a brilliant thought I had, I shipped it all back and I had them detach the penises and testicles from the dolls.
Guest:We shipped the dolls up and then they shipped the penises separately.
Guest:The penises got stopped at the border.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I couldn't.
Marc:Box of penises.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I had to come down to California where the manufacturer was or the agent was.
Guest:I'm going to do business here.
Guest:I came down here to L.A.
Guest:to do business.
Guest:Stayed at the Hyatt on Sunset.
Marc:To do business to try to get the dicks released.
Guest:Dicks released.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And I knew Mike Binder because Mike Binder had played at Yuck Yucks.
Guest:He said, I can get you on at the comedy store.
Guest:So I didn't aspire to, you know, I just had you been doing it?
Guest:You know, I had gone on.
Guest:Yes, is the answer.
Guest:The short answer is yes.
Guest:And but with no thought of this possibly being a career.
Guest:Right.
Guest:No aspirations of making, you know, I was so excited that I found this thing.
Guest:But it was like my my Thursday night poker game.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:You had bigger plans.
Guest:You're selling dick dolls.
Guest:right right but what are the chances of some guy in toronto from you know from detroit yeah is gonna go to california and i'm gonna make a living and i knew i had nothing there's no way there was no way but it was fun on third there was a lot of like-minded people at yuck yuck so it was a fun club you know like some people go to the y and play one-on-one some people play poker some people go to a disco three times a week and dance i still think of it that way even as a professional comic i like going to the club to see the fellas and me me too yeah
Guest:So that was it.
Guest:So I told binder cause he was, I was 3000 miles away from home.
Guest:He says, I can get you on at the comedy store.
Guest:It's Monday night.
Guest:Let me get you on and I'll tell him it's you're good.
Guest:So I went on at the comedy store and there was this guy in the audience, George Foster and George Foster had a comedy game show called make me laugh.
Guest:I did not know about it because it didn't air in Canada.
Guest:Bobby van was the host.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I walked off the stage, and after doing a three-minute set, he goes, you ever done television?
Guest:I go, no.
Guest:He goes, you want to do TV?
Guest:I thought, they're so fucking L.A.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, I want to do TV.
Guest:He said, come to my office.
Guest:You did the glove bit.
Guest:I did the glove and okay.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:All right.
Guest:All right.
Guest:And, um, he had me meet him at KTLA, which is the first studio.
Guest:It's on sunset Boulevard.
Guest:It was the first time I've ever been in a TV studio or sounds.
Guest:I went to his office and he goes, you know, we're doing this.
Marc:Is that still there?
Marc:It's not even there anymore.
Guest:KTLA is, but I mean, it was, I don't know that right by the highway, right?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So that tower is still there.
Guest:I'll never forget it.
Guest:It's the first time my entree into broadcast television.
Guest:So I go into his office and he has me try to make the the secretary laugh.
Guest:He goes, that's very good.
Guest:Are you here tomorrow?
Guest:I go, yeah, I guess some comic dropped out.
Marc:So baby man bomb had something to do that day.
Guest:Yeah, but it was it was I did it with Mike Binder and Gallagher.
Guest:Everybody did it.
Guest:Gary Shanling.
Guest:Everybody did it.
Guest:Everybody.
Guest:But I didn't know what it was.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I went on and I did it.
Guest:You do five shows in one day.
Guest:They pay you $200, $300 a show.
Guest:So in one day at five shows, I made $1,000 in one day acting like an idiot.
Guest:It's the first time I got any money.
Guest:And I said, I'm not from here.
Guest:He got me a permit, a temporary permit to work here.
Guest:And then I went back to Canada and back to work.
Guest:What happened with the box of dicks?
Guest:Never got them through.
Guest:Dropped that.
Guest:Then got into this business with toothbrushes and flosses.
Guest:I was always trying to wheel and deal.
Guest:Working in an angle.
Guest:But that was fun for me too.
Guest:But I started getting calls.
Guest:And I got a call from the Mike Douglas show.
Guest:And the Mike Douglas show said, would you like to come down and do it?
Guest:I went and did the Mike Douglas show.
Guest:And then I flew back home.
Guest:And then I got a call from the Merv Griffin show.
Marc:And every time you come, are you working at the store?
Guest:Yeah, a little bit, but then I would get $600, you know.
Guest:They said, when I got, make me laugh, he said, have your agent call.
Guest:I didn't want to say I don't have an agent.
Guest:So I called Yuck Yucks, and the manager of Yuck Yucks was this guy, David, who has since, you know...
Guest:It didn't end well with it.
Guest:David wasn't really a comedy manager.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I said, say you're my manager.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So David said he was my manager and he made the deal, got me scale.
Guest:And I didn't even know, I was so far out of show business, I didn't even know about 10% or 15%.
Guest:Right, sure.
Guest:So David took a third.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He said, I'll take a third.
Guest:You get two thirds.
Guest:So of two hundred dollars or three hundred dollars, I made two hundred and he got one hundred.
Marc:Ultimately, it ends up that way between the lawyer, the agent, the manager.
Marc:But this is one guy.
Guest:I still needed a manager and an agent.
Guest:And, you know, David's also the guy that said I and then I did Merv Griffin.
Guest:Gene Simmons saw me on Mer Griffin of Kiss fame.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he said, my girlfriend's playing in Vegas.
Guest:We were watching you in bed last night.
Guest:Will you open up for her?
Guest:And I said, okay.
Guest:His girlfriend happened to be, he was living.
Guest:With Cher?
Guest:No.
Guest:Diana Ross.
Guest:What?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Huh.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I became Diana Ross's opening act.
Guest:I didn't know that Gene Simmons and Diana Ross.
Guest:Absolutely.
Guest:Huh.
Guest:And he gave me my job.
Guest:And now I'm in Vegas doing that.
Guest:And then David essentially says, I managed Howie Mandel and I got him out and then brought his next kid out, which was Jim Carrey.
Guest:You know, we have since both moved on from David.
Marc:He's still around, though.
Marc:So what was your relationship with Mitzi Shore over there?
Guest:She was really supportive of me, you know, so she saw that I got, uh, make me laugh.
Guest:I had a lot of, it was hell for me at the comedy store because I came out once, got make me laugh.
Guest:I said to my wife and then the Merv Griffin show, I went out and got $300 and then I got $300 and then I went and worked at, at Caesars, which was hell.
Guest:Right, opening for Diana Ross.
Guest:They didn't like me, and I didn't have an act.
Marc:But that was like, what, it was a 15-minute spot, 20 minutes?
Guest:Yeah, 20 minutes.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I tell that story, too.
Guest:Like, at 20 minutes, I went there, and they said...
Guest:You're doing 20 minutes tonight.
Guest:I go, okay.
Guest:And they go, you understand what I'm saying?
Guest:And I said, I don't understand the part where you're saying you understand what I'm saying.
Guest:You just spoke English to me.
Guest:So they go, not 15, not 22, 20 minutes.
Guest:We have it perfectly timed.
Guest:She hits the stage right at a certain time.
Guest:You'll work in front of the curtain.
Guest:As soon as you're finished, the curtain goes up.
Guest:It's her.
Guest:She does a set...
Guest:and it was really important and imperative for us to get that audience back out into the casino to spend money.
Guest:So you can't go five minutes over, and you can't go five minutes under because she walks out right on.
Guest:This is like a timed piece of business.
Guest:So I said, oh, shit, because now I do, but I didn't wear a watch.
Guest:So I gave the guy $20, and I said, listen, when I hit...
Guest:Um, 18.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:When I hit 18 minutes, tap on the curtain behind me on the floor, just hit the, hit the floor behind me and then I'll wrap it up.
Guest:And I know the two minutes, it takes me two minutes to put the glove on the head and I'll blow it up and that'll be it.
Guest:I just need two minutes at the end.
Guest:Anyway, the lights go down at Caesar's Palace, the crowd roars, and it says, Caesar's Palace is proud to present an evening with Diana Ross!
Guest:And the crowd just goes crazy.
Guest:And if you listened really closely, but first, Howie Mandel, but nobody heard that.
Guest:And then I wandered out in front of the curtain, and just to, yeah, that was the sound that the audience made, the sound that you just made.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:What is this?
Guest:And who the fuck are you?
Guest:And just the most disdained bitch face looks from everybody.
Guest:Like, we didn't pay for this.
Guest:We don't want this.
Guest:We have no interest in this.
Guest:And I started, okay, okay, okay, what?
Guest:And I'm doing what?
Guest:What?
Guest:To nothing.
Guest:To silence.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:To silence.
Guest:What?
Guest:Why are you all so quiet?
Guest:I know, I know.
Guest:Silence is golden and this is golden.
Guest:And like nothing.
Guest:And I have pictures of me from those performances.
Guest:I wore like a sports jacket at Caesar's Palace.
Guest:You can see the sweat through the sports jacket.
Guest:Flop sweat.
Guest:Then finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I hear...
Guest:Bang.
Guest:And I go, all right, everybody.
Guest:And I take out the rubber glove and I blow up the rubber glove.
Guest:And now I got the glove inflated on my head.
Guest:And I've never... Such silence.
Guest:And I think maybe this is a thicker latex.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They're probably roaring.
Guest:Everybody's like... But...
Guest:It's one thing to say something and get nothing back.
Guest:It's another thing to be standing in front of 1,500 people with a rubber glove inflated on your head alone.
Guest:Like, I mean, like nobody is laughing.
Guest:Everybody just wants to shit on you.
Guest:Everybody is just like, it's just horrible.
Guest:Yeah, it just, so it pops off my head to silence.
Guest:And then I go, well, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy Miss Diana Ross.
Guest:And the crowd goes nuts.
Guest:And I turn around and I try to get through the curtain.
Guest:And somebody on the other side is holding it.
Guest:They're not paging it for me.
Guest:They're holding it closed.
Guest:And I go, let me out, let me out.
Guest:Now the crowd dies down.
Guest:And I'm just turning back.
Guest:I just want to fucking escape.
Guest:It's like a horrible, bad escape room.
Guest:And I go, let me out.
Guest:And I hear the guy on the other side going...
Guest:another five minutes.
Guest:I go, what?
Guest:He goes, five more minutes.
Guest:And I turn around, they can't hear.
Guest:And I turn around and I go, so... And I had, because I was dying, I didn't have any more material.
Guest:I didn't have any material to begin with.
Guest:And it was just five minutes of hell.
Guest:And what I learned was, it wasn't two minutes till the end of my act.
Guest:What I heard is...
Guest:That banging was just somebody walking by because the orchestra was setting up.
Guest:That wasn't the signal.
Guest:I finished early because I had been walking fast.
Guest:And then I went on the next night, and every night it was silent, but I heard one female laughter.
Guest:And all it was was Diana Ross used to watch me from the side, and she loved me alone.
Guest:And after three weeks of this hell, they go, Miss Ross would like to see you in her dressing room.
Guest:And I go, oh my God, thank God.
Guest:Just, just fire me.
Guest:Fire me, please.
Guest:Just cut off my nuts.
Guest:Just cut off my, kill me.
Guest:Shoot me.
Guest:Just release me.
Guest:And I walk in, she goes, dear, you're one of the funniest guys I ever saw.
Guest:I just want you to stay on for now.
Guest:I was so fucking, it was horrible.
Marc:Did it get better?
Guest:Never.
Marc:Not on that.
Marc:It's like that, that Albert Brooks bit, you know, the bit where like he opened for Richie Havens and the crowd, Richie, Richie.
Guest:And the guy that the stage hands, like your name, Richie's like, Nope, they're going to hate you.
Guest:I know.
Marc:I've had all those horrible- Well, that was the weird thing about the 70s before the club franchises opened is a lot of guys were doing those opening bits for musical acts, and it's never good.
Marc:I never hear great stories about that.
Guest:Oh, no.
Guest:I opened up Earth, Wind, and Fire on the Pyramid Tour.
Guest:Just death.
Guest:The night, the week before, do you remember?
Guest:I think it was in Chicago.
Guest:Somebody got trampled when they opened the door at a Who concert or something.
Guest:Oh, yeah, 12 people.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:So-
Guest:The Earth, Wind & Fire was doing their pyramid tour, which was on fire, and they came to Toronto to Maple Leaf Gardens.
Guest:And the promoter that day calls me.
Guest:I happen to be in Toronto.
Guest:He knew I was in Toronto.
Guest:That's my hometown.
Guest:And he said, I need you to open.
Guest:I go, what do you mean?
Guest:They go, well...
Guest:Earth, Wind & Fire has a lot of magic in their act.
Guest:They had Doug Henning.
Guest:Remember Doug Henning?
Guest:Doug Henning did all their pyro and all that.
Guest:They would disappear at places on stage.
Guest:He goes, we think that we're going to have to open doors a little bit late.
Guest:We don't want to... We're a week within these people that got trampled.
Guest:We want to let the audience in.
Guest:What we're going to do, what we decided to do is we'll turn the lights down and we'll continue to set the stage and we'll give you a signal, maybe 15 minutes.
Guest:We'll give you a signal and...
Guest:And then you can introduce the band.
Guest:And this is my hometown.
Guest:20,000 people.
Guest:Anyway, the lights go down.
Guest:The crowd goes crazy because they think it's earth, wind and fire.
Guest:They go, ladies and gentlemen, hometown boy, Howie Mandel.
Guest:But they don't really know me yet.
Guest:So I walk out and there's a couple of giggles.
Guest:And then I start to get dirty because I was trying to get a laugh.
Guest:And I'm using the F word.
Guest:And now I got them within five minutes.
Guest:They're rolling.
Guest:And, you know, and I'm talking about how I went.
Guest:You know, I don't know what what the material was.
Guest:But then all of a sudden I lose them.
Guest:They just stop.
Guest:And I'm talking to the audience and they stop.
Guest:And then I look to the left of my periphery and the guy's going like he's giving me the cut sign.
Guest:Cut.
Guest:Cut, cut.
Guest:And I'm going, what?
Guest:Now, I didn't know this because I could hear myself through the monitors.
Guest:They cut my sound in the room because I swore, but I didn't know that.
Guest:So they just stopped hearing me.
Guest:The guy from the side said, come here.
Guest:So I said, enjoy earth, wind and fire.
Guest:But nobody heard me because it wasn't on the mic.
Guest:He says, come with me, come with me, come with me.
Guest:So I follow him.
Guest:He takes me into a dressing room.
Guest:He closes the door behind me and I hear a lock.
Guest:He locks me in a room.
Guest:Now I'm locked in a room and I could hear an announcement being made.
Guest:And it said, um, ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?
Guest:Due to the, um, I can't remember what the word he used, but due to the material, the ill planned material of our opening act, uh,
Guest:Earth, Wind & Fire will not be taking the stage for another 20 minutes as to separate themselves from this.
Guest:They had nothing to do.
Guest:And the crowd is like, this is my home fucking town.
Guest:And I'm locked in a room.
Guest:They won't let me out.
Guest:They made an announcement.
Guest:They humiliated me.
Guest:Not only did I do bad.
Guest:What the fuck was that about?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:They let me out once the band started, and I ran home, and I was so humiliated.
Guest:I got to tell you, between the Diana Ross opening act and... I'm amazed that I'm sitting here talking to you today because they were incredibly humiliating, devastating, horrible moments in comedy, but we have to live those.
Marc:I know.
Marc:I got sent home from Australia.
Marc:You got sent home?
Guest:Tell me what...
Marc:I just went out there like, you know, I took the job to close the show for a month and I knew that I didn't have the material.
Marc:Like I only had like 40 minutes, but the guy booked me.
Marc:I'm like, I'll go to Australia, but I hated being away.
Marc:And I, you know, I was struggling the whole first week, which is a week of previews.
Marc:And then the, finally, the opening night happens.
Marc:and in australia it's a different setup there's an intermission they had a burlesque act they had a guy they had a comic hosting and then a and then two women with an accordion act and then there was the the next act was a guy who escaped from a straight jacket on a unicycle then there's an intermission and then they bring me out and it's the first night and it's packed and all i could hear was the embers of my cigarette light burning like i it was just the vet just a sign a bomb like you wouldn't believe it
Marc:Like I get out there and some guy in the in the audience, an American goes, where'd you get that jacket?
Marc:And I just had nothing.
Marc:And I just fell into myself and I felt myself leave my body.
Marc:I just tanked for like 50 minutes, just tanked.
Marc:And afterwards, the guy sits me down the next day.
Marc:He's like, I don't think this is working out.
Marc:And in my mind, I'm like, oh, thank God.
Marc:And he goes, I'll pay you for two weeks and I'll just send you home.
Marc:And I'm like, OK.
Marc:And I'm like, really?
Marc:It was just starting.
Marc:But in my heart, I was like, thank God.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And they sent me home.
Guest:Nobody knows that kind of mental death like a comic.
Marc:Because you can't leave.
Marc:You know, you've got to do the job, even if you're not doing the job.
Guest:Well, you know, and also being in Vegas with Diana Ross, I've never done a cruise, but I would imagine.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I would never do that.
Guest:You bomb and then you see everybody for a week?
Guest:Well, that's the point.
Guest:So I was in my room all the time because the first night I went home for breakfast and there was the audience and such disdain and hate.
Guest:I don't want to see the audience.
Marc:What about pity?
Marc:That's the worst one.
Marc:They're like, no.
Marc:I know.
Marc:But I think like what a lot of people don't realize about your career is that you like really were one of the first guys to be cast in a serious role on St.
Marc:Elsewhere and pull it off.
Marc:That was an accident.
Marc:But do you know that, though?
Marc:Like, I don't know if you get recognition for that.
Marc:I imagine you do.
Marc:Not anymore.
Guest:But, you know, that's 30 years ago.
Guest:But yes.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I... Because you were the guy with the fucking rubber glove and you were known at that point.
Guest:And you know that they threatened to fire me.
Guest:MTM, which is the production company.
Marc:Mary Tyler Moore.
Guest:Not herself.
Guest:But they...
Guest:At the time, in the 80s, this was a big dramatic show, that and Hill Street Blues, and it was critically acclaimed.
Guest:And then I started getting even more shots on The Tonight Show with the glove and the what, what, what.
Guest:And they said, you know, the idea is we are very serious writers.
Guest:This is a dramatic show.
Guest:I mean, I had some comic relief in it, but you are ruining the integrity of your character.
Marc:By doing your stand-up act?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I can't tell you how many times.
Guest:Until I did Deal or No Deal, which brought all my audiences together.
Guest:At the time.
Marc:That was like what?
Marc:That was recently.
Guest:That's the biggest.
Guest:I was about to leave the business in 2005.
Guest:I was over.
Guest:It was finished.
Guest:But when I was doing Saint Elsewhere, I got letters every week.
Guest:I have a bet with my husband that Fiscus, which was the name of the character that I was playing, is not the same guy, that idiot that puts the rubber glove on his head.
Guest:People didn't know that.
Guest:And even when I got Bobby's World, when I started doing Bobby's World, they would say,
Guest:The guy that does the voice for Bobby's World and plays Howard, is that the same guy that's on St.
Guest:Elsewhere?
Guest:Is that the same guy that does stand-up?
Guest:No one knew.
Guest:These were very segregated audiences as far as, you know, whether you were a young mother sitting at home watching cartoons with your kid, whether you were the HBO.
Guest:You know, my first young comedian special kind of launched me.
Guest:That's the biggest launch I had.
Guest:And on my Young Comedian special was the sixth annual.
Guest:It was me, Jerry Seinfeld, Richard Lewis, Harry Anderson, and Maureen Murphy.
Guest:And it was hosted by the Smothers Brothers.
Marc:But why was MTM going to push you out?
Marc:Because I was doing all this silliness.
Guest:How did you negotiate out of that?
Guest:I didn't.
Guest:I said, then fire me.
Guest:They didn't.
Guest:They threatened to.
Guest:I wasn't making that much money on St.
Guest:Elsewhere.
Guest:I said, I can't afford...
Guest:At the time, it was 1982 or 1983.
Guest:It's maybe it sounds it's OK money, but not great money.
Guest:I'll be honest with you.
Guest:They were paying me something like twenty five hundred dollars an episode.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:With a guarantee of 20 episodes.
Guest:So, you know, I had for six years.
Guest:Just for that year.
Marc:Right.
Guest:So I had forty thousand dollars for which is a lot of money.
Guest:But I had an agent.
Guest:I had a manager after taxes and paying everything.
Guest:I was left with maybe ten thousand dollars a year.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I couldn't afford that.
Guest:I was making big money.
Guest:Off a stand up.
Marc:So after all that, I mean, but you like, you know, looking at your resume, I mean, you always worked.
Marc:You did movies.
Marc:You did bit parts.
Marc:You did animation.
Marc:I didn't realize you were the voice of the main gremlin.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Gizmo.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You were gizmo.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like that has a lot of impact on people.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And again, people don't know it's me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, so I did all these things where people didn't know it was me.
Guest:And it wasn't until 2010, 2005.
Guest:I got offered.
Guest:I was ready to leave the business.
Marc:And what were you going to do?
Marc:Just real estate?
Guest:I did real
Guest:estate and other things too you know i did really i still and no but when you thought about leaving the business after the career you had it was just a pain in the ass so well the career i had is the key word is had you know uh in 2005 ticket sales were way down for any live performing right um i was auditioning for parts you know i had done a series saying elsewhere and but now i was auditioning for five lines
Marc:That crew of 80s comics that had had their arc.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:And now it was just sort of like, are you sad?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:You know, like, you know, oh, that's the guy who used to do the thing.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You were that guy.
Marc:I was.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So I thought, like, I just don't need this.
Guest:You know, not that ego is a big problem for me, but it's just I'm putting myself.
Guest:I don't need it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I'm not loving it.
Guest:And I'm not getting the audience.
Guest:I said, like, whatever I do, whether it was just real estate, I could drop in on the Comedy Store if I ever have it.
Guest:I don't need to make this a living.
Guest:So I was about to leave the business and I get this bizarre call from Michael saying NBC called and they're doing a game show and they want you to host.
Guest:And I said, no, no.
Guest:And I don't know if you remember in 2005, but in 2005, no comedian.
Guest:You know, the last time comedians hosted a game show, and it was good, but it's decades before, was Groucho Marx or even Johnny Carson.
Guest:But no comedian had done that.
Guest:And they go, this is going to be big.
Guest:It's going to be NBC's giving five nights to it.
Guest:And I went, no.
Marc:I remember this.
Marc:I remember this.
Guest:There's no fucking way.
Marc:It was an integrity thing.
Guest:integrity.
Guest:And also when your currency is irony, the punchline was, you know, Pat Sajak, nothing against Pat Sajak, but you know, sure.
Guest:Making fun of the game show host.
Marc:It was a sellout thing.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So I said, I'm leaving and this is not what I want to be remembered for.
Guest:I don't want to be Bob Barker.
Guest:And then what Michael said.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He said, so I hung up the phone.
Marc:It's a million dollars an episode.
Marc:Hold on, I'll put Mr. Mandela on the phone.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:So I hung up the phone and then they called back and they said, no, they have to have you.
Guest:They just want to explain it to you.
Guest:Can you hear the concept for the show?
Guest:And I go, no, it's a game show.
Guest:It's a game fucking show.
Guest:Goodbye.
Guest:It's so good that you and Michael have known each other since you were kids because you wouldn't have done it.
Guest:No, no, it wasn't Michael.
Guest:So Michael calls back and says, the guy says he can't do it without you.
Guest:Wherever you are, you don't have to come to them.
Guest:Wherever you are, he just wants to show you this.
Guest:So, you know, I'm at Jerry's Deli in the Valley.
Guest:I was.
Guest:I said, I'm having soup.
Guest:If he can get here before I finish the soup, he can come show me his stupid little game.
Guest:So...
Guest:rob smith shows up there's a friday rob smith shows up at he moves my soup and he's got a card i have it in my office he's got a card it looks like a you know not a talented young child made a an art piece it's a bad he didn't go to kinko's it looks like he cut it himself none of the lines are straight yeah there's 26 little squares he said pick one of the numbers yeah now he's playing with me and i
Guest:I pick a number.
Guest:Now pick five more.
Guest:We're trying not to get your number.
Guest:We're trying to, it's not a good, I go, is there any trivia?
Guest:No.
Guest:Is there any skill?
Guest:No.
Guest:And I go, and how long, NBC is going to do this for, he goes, it's huge all over the world.
Guest:We have to have you and we won't do it without you.
Guest:I go, well, I'm going to go home.
Guest:So I left, I went home and my wife says to me,
Guest:Are you going to take it?
Guest:And I said, no.
Guest:And she goes, why?
Guest:And I said, because I think it's the nail in the coffin of my career.
Guest:I don't want to do it.
Guest:She goes, where are you right this second?
Guest:I'm standing in the kitchen talking to you.
Guest:Where were you a half hour ago?
Guest:I go at the deli by myself having soup.
Guest:She goes, that is your career.
Guest:Just do the fucking, just say yes.
Guest:So I listened to her.
Guest:I phoned them back and I said, I'll do it.
Guest:And they said, yes, it had to be you.
Guest:And I said, when does it tape?
Guest:They said, Monday.
Guest:I go, well, don't you have to build a set?
Guest:They go, it's built.
Guest:I go, don't you need 26 models?
Guest:They go, they're cast.
Guest:So how fucking far down the list was I?
Guest:How many people had said no?
Guest:And out of desperation, they got Howie Mandel to do this show.
Guest:And it was the most... And then I thought I hired a lot of people that you know.
Guest:I said, okay, I was panicked.
Guest:I go now... To write?
Guest:To write.
Guest:I said, okay.
Guest:So I looked at tapes of Groucho Marx.
Guest:I said, maybe because there's nothing, it's just opening up cases.
Guest:Maybe I can be like witty and I could come up with things.
Guest:So I sat for the whole weekend...
Guest:with some friends and we wrote stuff and I had some stuff and I thought, when am I going to get an opportunity to do prime time NBC five nights a week?
Guest:If nothing else, the game is going to fall apart.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But I'm going to be funny and people are going to see Howie Mandel again.
Guest:Maybe I'll start selling tickets and I'll make it my own.
Guest:I walk out, they go, ladies and gentlemen, Howie Mandel, deal or no deal.
Guest:I walk out and it's the first show.
Guest:I see the first contestant.
Guest:It's Karen Van.
Guest:I'll never forget her name.
Guest:And I go, Karen, tell me about yourself.
Guest:And I'm sitting like I'm talking to you.
Guest:And she tells me she has three kids.
Guest:She doesn't have a job.
Guest:She's never owned a home.
Guest:They don't have health insurance.
Guest:Three kids are sitting right there.
Guest:And you could see you've been on the set with people who aren't familiar with being on a set.
Guest:There's a glaze that goes over people who don't, you know, it's all the lights and the cameras and the audience and this is not their world and it's a fantasy and it's not real.
Guest:And I could tell that she wasn't really focused.
Guest:So I changed and then I realized I saw these three kids there.
Guest:So when I gave the first offer,
Guest:i said the first offer and i like i'm talking to a five-year-old i went is twenty thousand dollars knowing that she's not from new york or la twenty thousand dollars will change her life that's a down payment on a home it's health insurance these kids would be safe and i could see that no deal without even thinking no deal and i i just want to now i got afraid i go she's not listening and i said i don't want to be responsible i
Guest:I would love to be entertaining right now and I would love to do some silly shtick.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But that's going to pull her focus.
Guest:I don't want to be responsible for these kids future.
Guest:I just want to.
Guest:My whole being was thrust and I became empathetic.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And was just to make you, you Karen Van.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Make the right decision.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Which I wasn't able to do, but it just became about my cadence.
Marc:You didn't make it.
Marc:You couldn't do it.
Marc:You weren't able to.
Guest:She left with five grand, and with that five grand, she got her breasts done.
Guest:But anyway, that's the truth.
Guest:But the point is, I kept saying, now the offer is 120.
Guest:I was so embarrassed that I did nothing.
Guest:When we taped the shows, I flew with my wife way out to the Caribbean someplace where I knew at a resort that they didn't have a TV.
Guest:I was ready to be humiliated on what I believed was probably the worst thing I've ever done in my career.
Yeah.
Guest:And then I got a call on that Monday night and they go, this game went through the roof.
Guest:And I go, what game?
Guest:Deal or no deal?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Next night, higher.
Guest:Next night, higher.
Guest:And I flew back and I landed in Miami.
Guest:And within a second, the first person that made eye contact with me went, deal or no deal?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And here I am, you know, in 2019 and it's blowing up on CNBC now still.
Guest:It's the biggest thing I've ever done.
Guest:You know, I still do deal or no deal.
Guest:Wednesday nights.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Nine o'clock.
Guest:Brand new season.
Guest:Bigger and better than ever.
Guest:But I'm just saying it's the thing I didn't want to do.
Guest:The only thing I've ever said no to, because I usually just say yes to everything.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And it brought me my career back.
Marc:And how do you frame it in your mind now?
Marc:Like, do you like doing it?
Guest:I love doing it because it is pure... It's kind of the same thing I like about comedy.
Guest:It's real in the moment and skinning back all of humanity and relatability.
Guest:And it's probably one of the most visceral... You know, it takes every...
Guest:every muscle I have to not scream at these people, like the people who are watching it on television going, take the deal.
Guest:I don't know if you saw the first episode aired on NBC.
Guest:It was like a Christmas episode.
Guest:It was a young guy with a, he has a new baby and there's two cases left.
Guest:One has $750,000.
Guest:One has $5 in it.
Guest:They're offering $350,000.
Guest:There's a new twist now in the new game where you can, you can counter offer.
Guest:So he could have said a half a million dollars and I'll go.
Guest:He goes, no, I know I have it.
Guest:No deal.
Guest:And he walked out of there with $5.
Guest:I know.
Guest:And he's got a baby and a wife.
Guest:And it just kills me.
Guest:But it's a great study in humanity.
Marc:You make me feel like you're doing something noble.
Guest:And that's what I'm good at, making you feel I'm doing something noble without actually doing something noble.
Guest:I'm taking a paycheck, and I'm hosting a game show, and I do some comedy, and you can see it on Showtime.
Guest:And AGT, I'm watching a talent show, doing what I was doing in my underpants for free at home.
Guest:They give me a check and give me pants in.
Guest:Oh, you got away with it.
Guest:That's how I feel every single day.
Guest:Everything I do, I feel like I got away.
Guest:I say to my wife every day, can you believe this?
Guest:I can't believe everything I've ever been punished for, expelled for, hit for is what I seem to get paid for today.
Marc:Well, congratulations.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:It's great talking to you.
Guest:Great talking to you, buddy.
Marc:That was Howie, Howie Mandel, the full story.
Marc:Well, a lot of it anyways.
Marc:Deal or No Deal is back Wednesday nights on CNBC.
Marc:His new stand-up special, Howie Mandel, presents Howie Mandel at the Howie Mandel Comedy Club.
Marc:Premieres Friday night, January 18th on Showtime.
Marc:All right, I'll do a thing, a riff.
Marc:I've got to be repeating my riffs by now.
Marc:That's all right.
Marc:I didn't have this echo box.
Marc:I did not have it.
Marc:So that's different.
Yeah.
Guest:Boomer lives!