Episode 946 - Ian Bagg / Bert Kreischer

Episode 946 • Released August 29, 2018 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Marc:all right let's do this how are you what the fuckers what the fucking east does what the fuck buddies what the fucksters what's happening i'm mark maron this is my podcast wtf welcome to it how's it going how you doing how's your how's your diet been how's your exercise regimen is everything okay don't

00:00:26Marc:Don't get distracted on the treadmill, all right?

00:00:29Marc:I've been that guy where you start stumbling and you grab the handrails and then you got to step off and straddle the thing so the belt keeps going and then you got to kind of lift yourself up and get your feet going a little bit so it matches up with the belt and then get back on.

00:00:44Marc:Don't do that right now.

00:00:45Marc:Don't do it.

00:00:46Marc:Okay?

00:00:47Marc:Just pay attention.

00:00:49Marc:Everything all right?

00:00:49Marc:Keep your eye on the road.

00:00:51Marc:Hey, hey, put it down.

00:00:52Marc:Put it down.

00:00:54Marc:All right?

00:00:54Marc:It's too early for that shit.

00:00:56Marc:Seriously.

00:00:57Marc:Come on.

00:00:59Marc:So and also congratulations.

00:01:02Marc:These are all general.

00:01:03Marc:I want to talk about my dates a little bit because they are few and far, but they are real.

00:01:08Marc:OK, I'm really performing places.

00:01:11Marc:Sorry, Bloomington next week sold out.

00:01:13Marc:Sorry, Minneapolis.

00:01:15Marc:All those shows at Acme are sold out the following week after that in Denver.

00:01:20Marc:Denver, I believe there are still tickets the 21st and 22nd of September.

00:01:25Marc:And I'm sure there are tickets in Phoenix.

00:01:28Marc:On October 13th at Stand Up Live, I don't always see Phoenix as necessarily my city.

00:01:34Marc:You know, when you do what I do, when you do the stand-up comedy out there in the world, some cities are better than others.

00:01:40Marc:I know I got some fans in Phoenix, my brothers in Phoenix, I've got people in Phoenix, but generally speaking, I don't know if I'm everybody's cup of tea in Phoenix, but that's all right.

00:01:51Marc:I've acclimated to being an acquired taste.

00:01:56Marc:It's okay.

00:01:56Marc:As long as that acquired taste involves enough people to earn me a living, it's fine with me.

00:02:04Marc:Don't want everybody to like you.

00:02:06Marc:If everybody likes you, there's something deep being hidden.

00:02:10Marc:That's my experience.

00:02:11Marc:And then everybody who likes you generally finds out around the same time.

00:02:15Marc:So today, I talked to Bert Kreischer.

00:02:19Marc:Kreischer's got a special coming out.

00:02:22Marc:It's out.

00:02:23Marc:I'm sorry.

00:02:24Marc:I just apologized to myself for remembering something.

00:02:27Marc:His Netflix special, Secret Time, is streaming now.

00:02:30Marc:I think it's his first special, his first big one.

00:02:33Marc:He's very excited about it.

00:02:34Marc:I love Bert, and it was a fun conversation we had here.

00:02:36Marc:And after that, I got Ian Bagg.

00:02:38Marc:Ian Bagg's a guy who's always been on the periphery.

00:02:40Marc:I've always seen him.

00:02:41Marc:I've known him, I feel like, my whole life.

00:02:43Marc:I remember when he came down from Canada, and we were coming up in New York, and I just would see him around occasionally and be like, what have you been doing, Ian Bagg?

00:02:50Marc:And so finally, after years, I said, come on, let's talk on the show.

00:02:54Marc:I don't know you, but you've been sort of...

00:02:56Marc:on the periphery of my attention and in my world for, you know, decades, it feels like.

00:03:03Marc:You know, at least got to be almost 20 years.

00:03:05Marc:So Ian Bagg is also here today.

00:03:08Marc:And that's what's going on.

00:03:11Marc:So Bert Kreischer, the new Netflix special Secret Time is streaming now.

00:03:15Marc:I love talking to Bert.

00:03:16Marc:He's actually a guy that makes you feel happy and good and fun.

00:03:20Marc:This is me and Bert Kreischer.

00:03:25Marc:So this is a big Netflix special.

00:03:28Guest:This is the big one.

00:03:28Guest:I'm super excited.

00:03:30Guest:And it's the first Netflix special?

00:03:32Guest:First Netflix.

00:03:33Guest:Did a Showtime like two years ago.

00:03:34Guest:Oh.

00:03:35Guest:That was where I told the machine story.

00:03:37Guest:Yeah.

00:03:37Guest:And then, yeah, now I'm doing Secret Time.

00:03:40Marc:So did they pay for it?

00:03:42Guest:Yeah.

00:03:43Marc:Oh, good, man.

00:03:44Marc:Yeah.

00:03:44Marc:So this year's, you're part of the 2018 pack.

00:03:49Guest:I guess so.

00:03:51Yeah.

00:03:52Marc:I did one last year.

00:03:54Marc:Joe Coy.

00:03:55Marc:Yeah.

00:03:56Marc:Like they did.

00:03:56Marc:They weren't going to give him one.

00:03:57Marc:And he's like, fuck it.

00:03:58Marc:I'm going to get one.

00:03:59Marc:So he made his own and then pushed it on Netflix.

00:04:02Guest:It was a huge special, too.

00:04:03Guest:Yeah.

00:04:03Guest:His special was amazing.

00:04:05Guest:It was huge.

00:04:05Guest:Yeah.

00:04:06Guest:And it did amazing for him.

00:04:07Guest:He's doing like.

00:04:07Guest:Yeah.

00:04:08Guest:But he's an interesting guy because he still does clubs every now and then.

00:04:10Guest:No, I think he has markets.

00:04:12Guest:But he does clubs because there's more money in clubs.

00:04:14Guest:He'll do the big theaters, like 6,000 theaters.

00:04:17Guest:When he can.

00:04:17Guest:Yeah, and then he'll just go to the Addison Improv and sell out 14 shows.

00:04:20Guest:Yeah, do the door deal.

00:04:21Marc:Yeah.

00:04:22Marc:Yeah, but that's a lot more work.

00:04:24Marc:I mean, not that it's a problem, but I mean, that's the trade-off you're making.

00:04:29Marc:But I think he just sold out the entire island of Oahu.

00:04:32Marc:That makes sense.

00:04:35Marc:Seriously.

00:04:36Marc:He's taping his next special there, and he's like, dude, I sold 30,000 tickets.

00:04:40Marc:I'm like, holy fuck.

00:04:42Marc:I don't even know what I would do for that many people.

00:04:45Marc:I know I'd take my shirt off.

00:04:48Guest:I'm taking my shirt off for 30,000 people.

00:04:51Marc:It'd be on the big screen, too.

00:04:52Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:04:53Guest:I can't even gain some weight and make it good for them.

00:04:55Guest:Where did you shoot this one?

00:04:57Guest:Philly at the truck.

00:04:58Guest:Oh, that's great.

00:04:59Guest:Yeah, it was awesome.

00:05:00Marc:It was a really cool venue.

00:05:01Marc:I've been there.

00:05:02Marc:I've played there twice.

00:05:03Marc:It's an old porno theater.

00:05:05Marc:It's got a weird history, and the way they've got the stage situated is great.

00:05:09Marc:Sort of like they've opened up the back of the... And it looks bigger than it is.

00:05:13Marc:It's an intimate 400 or so because it's got those balconies.

00:05:16Guest:It's a, and then we took the stage and dropped it down so that I was more in the crowd.

00:05:19Guest:Cause you're literally, it's a rock venue.

00:05:21Guest:So you're like six feet above the crowd.

00:05:23Guest:So we dropped it down and instead of doing like a little like diving board, which is normally what they do.

00:05:27Guest:Right.

00:05:27Guest:You mean the little platform, right?

00:05:29Guest:I did an oval so you can walk, so you could work the whole room.

00:05:33Marc:So you came down from the main stage and you created an oval at the bottom there.

00:05:37Guest:Yeah.

00:05:37Guest:Oh, that's great.

00:05:37Guest:It was a dream set up.

00:05:38Guest:My daughter, this is my favorite story about this.

00:05:40Guest:Yeah.

00:05:41Guest:First show goes all right.

00:05:42Guest:Not that great, to be honest with you.

00:05:44Guest:What happened?

00:05:44Guest:Tape two.

00:05:45Guest:It rained and the generators went out.

00:05:47Guest:Oh, really?

00:05:49Guest:Problems.

00:05:50Guest:Technical problems.

00:05:51Guest:The audience had to wait in the rain for like an hour and a half while we fixed that.

00:05:54Guest:So the show's an hour and a half late.

00:05:55Marc:People should...

00:05:56Marc:Kind of like trying to shake out their umbrellas and shit.

00:05:59Guest:They're losing their buzz.

00:06:01Guest:I mean, even I'm sitting there in the back, just sitting there waiting.

00:06:04Guest:Yeah.

00:06:04Guest:And so first show was, did not go off the way I wanted it to.

00:06:07Guest:Yeah.

00:06:07Guest:Okay, but not great.

00:06:08Guest:Right.

00:06:09Guest:Before we had left that night, my daughter, my youngest, my oldest daughter said, Hey dad, break a leg.

00:06:13Guest:They were in Philly with us.

00:06:14Guest:Hey dad, break a leg.

00:06:15Guest:Yeah.

00:06:15Guest:My youngest daughter,

00:06:17Guest:Goes, hey, dad, break two legs.

00:06:19Guest:And my wife goes, that's not why they say it.

00:06:21Guest:She goes, what?

00:06:22Guest:She goes, it's back from Shakespearean time.

00:06:24Guest:They'd want them to stomp.

00:06:27Guest:When something was really good, they'd stomp.

00:06:29Guest:So you'd want to do so well that they'd break their legs when they were performing.

00:06:31Guest:Right.

00:06:32Guest:The audience would break their legs.

00:06:33Guest:Oh, I get it.

00:06:33Guest:So Isla goes, how many people in the audience?

00:06:36Guest:My wife goes, 500.

00:06:37Guest:She goes, hey, break 1,000 legs.

00:06:39Guest:Yeah.

00:06:39Guest:So the first show goes off mediocre, right?

00:06:42Guest:Second show, my buddy Tony's producing it and he's like, you know, let's have a great show.

00:06:47Guest:Not like have a great show, like good luck, like look at me like have a great show.

00:06:51Guest:So we go out and it starts going, you know when you're in the pocket and it's just moving right and you're like, don't fuck this up.

00:06:58Guest:And I get to the one joke, the one booze drinking joke I think I have in the show where it's in the trailer, but I had gone to my daughter's

00:07:06Guest:Parent-teacher conference hungover and still high from the night before.

00:07:09Guest:I'd brought a coffee and two Diet Cokes.

00:07:12Guest:And I murdered the coffee before the meeting even starts.

00:07:14Guest:And then in the meeting, they're saying they're going to have to hold her back.

00:07:16Guest:And I'm like, fuck.

00:07:17Guest:So I grab a Diet Coke, take a sip.

00:07:19Guest:And as it hits my lips, I realize I have a Coors Light in a parent-teacher conference.

00:07:23Guest:It gets a laugh, right?

00:07:25Guest:But then this was the line I liked.

00:07:27Guest:Is it true?

00:07:28Guest:Oh, 100% true.

00:07:29Guest:100% true.

00:07:31Guest:Mark, I brought two fucking Coors Lights to this meeting.

00:07:33Guest:I brought two Coors Lights.

00:07:35Guest:The joke is when a beer hits your lips at 7 in the morning in a parent-teacher conference, that's like a finger in your ass at an orgy.

00:07:41Guest:You got to real quick decide what kind of man you are.

00:07:43Guest:Do you pull away from it or do you push back into it?

00:07:45Guest:And I said, I pushed back into it.

00:07:47Guest:And the second I said that, you know, it's Philly, a beer, big beer drinking.

00:07:51Guest:They start stomping on the ground like crazy in the truck, which is like 200 years old.

00:07:55Guest:And all I'm thinking is, oh my God, the show's fucked.

00:07:57Guest:The house is going to come down.

00:07:58Guest:And then I hear my daughter going, break a thousand legs.

00:08:01Guest:I go, and I get chills telling it right now.

00:08:03Guest:I'm like, we're here.

00:08:04Guest:And it was the best show I've ever had in my life.

00:08:08Guest:I walked off stage and I was like,

00:08:10Guest:If we got audio and we got cameras on that, I'm the happiest man in the world.

00:08:13Guest:And you did.

00:08:14Guest:Yeah.

00:08:15Guest:And so I'm super excited.

00:08:16Guest:I mean, I'm fatter than I'd want to be in it.

00:08:18Guest:Yeah.

00:08:18Guest:But fuck it.

00:08:19Marc:But I mean, that was sort of your thing.

00:08:21Marc:I guess.

00:08:22Marc:No, but what do you mean?

00:08:23Guest:I never knew I was fat until Segura said I was fat.

00:08:26Marc:I never thought I was fat.

00:08:27Marc:Every picture I've seen of you, it's just like you're in a bikini bathing suit or something.

00:08:31Marc:Yeah, that's because I'm from Florida.

00:08:32Marc:Yeah.

00:08:33Marc:But like you were looking at yourself thinking like that's a svelte guy.

00:08:37Marc:He's really in shape.

00:08:38Guest:No, but I never, I have whatever the opposite of anorexia is.

00:08:42Guest:Yeah.

00:08:42Guest:Where I look at myself, I go, I don't look that bad.

00:08:47Guest:And now, now everyone points it out like crazy.

00:08:50Guest:Really?

00:08:51Guest:Oh my God.

00:08:52Guest:I mean, even Netflix.

00:08:53Guest:Yeah.

00:08:54Guest:Like Netflix.

00:08:54Marc:Really?

00:08:54Marc:They said you were fat?

00:08:55Marc:Were they?

00:08:56Guest:Netflix, you know how they're like, hey, we're going to give you a billboard.

00:08:59Guest:And you get excited.

00:09:01Marc:Guys like me and you go, fucking billboard.

00:09:03Marc:That's amazing.

00:09:04Marc:What is it going to be?

00:09:04Guest:That's like someone going, hey, you're telling your mom.

00:09:06Guest:We're getting you a landline.

00:09:07Marc:I've got to take a picture of that.

00:09:08Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:09:09Guest:So I go, great.

00:09:10Guest:And they go, here are our two choices.

00:09:11Guest:We're really leaning for number two.

00:09:14Guest:Number two is just a shot of my belly.

00:09:17Guest:No face.

00:09:18Guest:Just a shot of my belly that says Bert Kreischer's secret time.

00:09:21Guest:And I saw it and I was like, and I didn't see the right one.

00:09:24Guest:And I replied, I go, I don't know about that.

00:09:26Guest:And they're like, we're really attached to it.

00:09:28Guest:We really think it's funny.

00:09:28Guest:We really think it would be great for the special.

00:09:31Guest:And I saw it again and I was like, ah, fuck it.

00:09:32Guest:It's funny as shit.

00:09:33Guest:It's just your belly?

00:09:34Guest:It's just my belly.

00:09:36Marc:just my belly on melrose avenue your round belly yeah oh my god but like so okay so that so they started stomping at the truck that's an old place right it's such a that is like a great venue though it's amazing so it because it's it's a theater but somehow it's all it's intimate

00:09:52Guest:Right on top of you.

00:09:55Guest:It's great because they built them the way they should have been told when there was no audio.

00:10:00Guest:So it's really intimate, really on top of you.

00:10:03Guest:And my daughters got to come earlier and we got to explore the truck and we found ticket stubs from like 1918.

00:10:08Guest:Get out of here.

00:10:10Guest:Where?

00:10:10Guest:Up in the top, the top, top, top.

00:10:11Guest:Oh, you went on the rafters?

00:10:12Guest:We went into the way, the closed part on the third floor.

00:10:15Guest:Oh, really?

00:10:15Guest:And I went to the guy.

00:10:16Guest:I said, hey, man, we found these.

00:10:18Guest:Do you mind if we keep them?

00:10:18Guest:And he's like, yeah.

00:10:19Guest:And so we got these old ticket stubs from like 1918.

00:10:21Marc:Oh, so like your daughter must be like, wow, we found treasure.

00:10:25Guest:Oh, they're going on my poster.

00:10:26Guest:Fuck them.

00:10:27Guest:I'm putting them in my man cave.

00:10:30Marc:Oh, yeah?

00:10:31Marc:You don't get them?

00:10:32Guest:They're going to see this special and hate me.

00:10:36Guest:I just talk shit about them the whole time.

00:10:37Guest:You do, but not shit.

00:10:39Marc:How old are they now?

00:10:40Guest:Oh.

00:10:41Guest:Is it kids?

00:10:42Guest:You don't know?

00:10:43Guest:Yeah, no.

00:10:43Guest:Estimate?

00:10:44Guest:12 and 14.

00:10:44Guest:They just changed ages.

00:10:46Guest:So I go back to, like, 10 and 13.

00:10:48Guest:But 12 and 14.

00:10:50Guest:Oh, my God.

00:10:50Guest:Once in high school.

00:10:52Guest:Uh-huh.

00:10:52Guest:And the other one I was... I'm doing a bit now about her having her period.

00:10:56Guest:Oh, great.

00:10:57Guest:That's going to be great for them.

00:10:58Guest:Yeah, I know.

00:10:58Guest:They're going to be really happy when their friends get to watch it.

00:11:00Guest:I don't know another way to do it, Mark.

00:11:01Guest:Like, I don't know another way to do it other than just tell about exactly what's going on in my life.

00:11:04Marc:But not unlike...

00:11:07Marc:You know, when you have a wife or a girlfriend and you're thinking about doing a bit that involves them, you usually kind of try to put it past them or try to get them to okay it.

00:11:18Guest:Yeah, but have you ever... Here's the caveat.

00:11:20Guest:I just don't know how that works with kids.

00:11:22Guest:Have you ever taken a bit that happened with you

00:11:25Guest:And then it works on stage and it's already worked.

00:11:28Guest:And then you go back to the wife and try to retrofit it.

00:11:30Guest:Like, you're cool with me talking about you farting during oral sex.

00:11:33Guest:And she's like, huh?

00:11:34Guest:You're like, never mind, never mind, never mind.

00:11:35Guest:You're like, fuck it, I'll just do it on the road.

00:11:36Marc:Right, that's it.

00:11:37Marc:Like the secret part.

00:11:38Marc:Like I've done bits where I'm like, all right, this is between us.

00:11:41Marc:I say that to an audience.

00:11:42Guest:I say secret time yeah I go secret time and I tell this I go my daughters are dumb as shit see but don't like because I'm on the road I'm in Omaha that's what that means yeah so no one like sure my kids will never see it and then we get to the getting ready to the tape and I'm like well shit

00:11:58Guest:this bit about my daughters is killing right now.

00:12:00Guest:Yeah.

00:12:01Guest:And then you're like, fuck it up.

00:12:03Guest:And then so I had to clear some stuff with them.

00:12:06Guest:Yeah.

00:12:06Guest:Like go through it and be like, hey, I call you guys stupid.

00:12:08Guest:Are you guys cool with that?

00:12:09Guest:And they're like, yeah.

00:12:10Guest:Uh-huh.

00:12:11Guest:I was like, all right, cool.

00:12:12Guest:Uh-huh.

00:12:12Guest:And then I kind of ran by some bits, but some bits, you know.

00:12:16Guest:Yeah, they're just going to have to take the hit.

00:12:17Guest:They'll be smoking pot in college and they're like, oh shit, that's your dad.

00:12:21Guest:That's your dad.

00:12:21Guest:And they'll be like, I've never seen this.

00:12:23Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:12:24Marc:Oh my God, that was when I was 12.

00:12:26Yeah.

00:12:26Guest:Oh, my God.

00:12:27Guest:Oh, my God.

00:12:28Guest:Yeah, that's I think.

00:12:30Guest:But I make fun of myself as much as them.

00:12:33Guest:And I think it's even keeled.

00:12:36Marc:No, sure.

00:12:36Marc:I mean, I think that's a good rationalization.

00:12:39Marc:And, you know, I've made that rationalization.

00:12:41Marc:Like when they go like, that hurt my feelings.

00:12:43Marc:You're like, but did you see me hurt myself?

00:12:45Marc:Yeah.

00:12:45Marc:Yeah, sure.

00:12:46Marc:Hey guys, hey guys, you guys need a new teeth, right?

00:12:48Guest:This is how we pay for it.

00:12:49Marc:Oh, that's how you do it?

00:12:50Marc:A little bit.

00:12:51Marc:I have no idea what the repercussions of this generation and maybe the one before us, because I don't remember...

00:12:58Marc:Some comics, you know, talk about their family, but not as specifically as we do.

00:13:03Marc:You know, like there's a there's a sort of honesty to comedy now because we all want to make it as personal as possible.

00:13:10Marc:We have no idea what the repercussions on that next generation is going to be your kid.

00:13:14Marc:So I would I would start making notes.

00:13:16Marc:See, you know, see how it progresses.

00:13:19Marc:See what kind of adults say just as a research project.

00:13:21Guest:It's interesting.

00:13:22Guest:I never thought of it that way.

00:13:23Guest:It was originally take my wife, please.

00:13:25Guest:And I'm sure people were like, so that's your wife?

00:13:26Guest:Yeah.

00:13:27Guest:And she's like, he's a comedian.

00:13:28Guest:Right, right.

00:13:29Guest:There's a distance.

00:13:30Guest:Yeah.

00:13:30Guest:And then it cuts to my wife's gaining weight and everyone's like, wow, that's her in the back row.

00:13:34Guest:Yeah.

00:13:34Guest:And you're like, hey, honey, it's.

00:13:35Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:13:36Marc:And then it comes to like when I put my finger in my wife's ass, it's like, wait, what's happening?

00:13:43Marc:That seemed real.

00:13:44Guest:Dude, I had to clear it with my dad because I'm talking about my dad in the special, and my dad's not that guy.

00:13:51Guest:He's not out there kind of like no social media, no nothing, and he's got friends.

00:13:57Guest:I know.

00:13:57Guest:I hurt my dad, yeah.

00:13:59Guest:And so I had to be like, hey, dad, I say a few things about it.

00:14:02Guest:I talk about him spanking me for the first time.

00:14:04Guest:And my dad always goes, oh, you got a good imagination, buddy, and that shit never happened.

00:14:10Guest:I was like, no, I definitely got spanked.

00:14:11Guest:Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

00:14:13Guest:It was 1975.

00:14:14Guest:You don't think I got spanked?

00:14:15Guest:Yeah.

00:14:15Guest:And he was like, I never hit you the way you say.

00:14:17Guest:And you're like, okay.

00:14:19Guest:Just so you know, I'm telling everyone the way I say.

00:14:21Guest:Yeah.

00:14:22Guest:And so he was like, and he was cool.

00:14:24Guest:He was like, look, whatever you say, you're a comedian.

00:14:26Guest:It's about getting laughs.

00:14:27Guest:I'm cool with it.

00:14:28Guest:I love you.

00:14:28Guest:I'm proud of you.

00:14:29Guest:Yeah.

00:14:29Guest:And so you're like, all right, good.

00:14:30Guest:Yeah.

00:14:30Guest:Well, now watch the special.

00:14:32Guest:And?

00:14:33Guest:I don't know.

00:14:33Guest:He hasn't seen it yet.

00:14:35Marc:I wrote some shit about my... I've always bust out my dad.

00:14:38Marc:Yeah.

00:14:38Marc:But earlier on, it was kind of hostile.

00:14:41Marc:I was kind of mad at him.

00:14:42Marc:I remember.

00:14:43Marc:Yeah.

00:14:44Marc:But then later in the book, it got bad.

00:14:47Marc:He didn't talk to me for a while.

00:14:48Guest:I remember.

00:14:49Guest:Dude, yeah.

00:14:50Guest:Have we talked about it?

00:14:51Guest:No, I'm a fan of yours.

00:14:53Guest:Oh, right.

00:14:53Guest:My wife and I have had dinner talking about conversations you've had with people.

00:14:56Marc:And I ended up sending him some money.

00:14:59Marc:Oh, they were good.

00:15:00Marc:It was so funny, though, because I just started telling this story.

00:15:03Marc:Like when he was really mad at me about the book, I'm like, I got my side of it.

00:15:07Marc:You know, if you think that I've cost you something.

00:15:10Marc:If you think that I've somehow hurt your reputation or whatever, what do you think I owe you?

00:15:18Marc:Really?

00:15:18Marc:Yeah, this is a while back.

00:15:19Marc:We're okay now.

00:15:20Marc:I'm going to send him some money.

00:15:21Guest:So wait, what's the price point?

00:15:23Marc:No, he goes, $100,000.

00:15:28Marc:And I'm like, I'll send you five.

00:15:30Marc:And he was like, all right, we're good.

00:15:34Marc:Yeah, I think he was really, he just took a shot.

00:15:38Guest:See, my mom's the opposite.

00:15:39Guest:My mom is dying to be in the special.

00:15:41Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:15:42Guest:She's like, and my dad is like, you have any bits about your mom?

00:15:45Guest:And I was like, no.

00:15:46Guest:For some reason, my mom just kind of operated in that, like, almost like I'm not allowed to have dreams type of woman role back in the 70s.

00:15:54Marc:Weird like that, which one you blame for.

00:15:56Marc:yeah yeah because like i think as i get older that the one we don't blame is probably the one it's probably the definitely you know to be like whoever's taking the hit it's the other one just it's like you know because i've been pretty hard on my dad but when i think about my mom like oh fuck she she did it

00:16:15Guest:And I'm sure there's parts of my dad that's like, at least he's not bringing up the real shit.

00:16:18Guest:Yeah, sure.

00:16:19Guest:Like, there's some real shit that went down in our family where he's like, well, thank God, he's just saying about spanking.

00:16:25Guest:Everyone's spanked.

00:16:26Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:26Guest:You know?

00:16:26Guest:Yeah, not the weird uncle or whatever.

00:16:29Guest:Oh, no, or the cheating on my wife.

00:16:31Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:16:32Guest:Like, I don't talk about that shit, but-

00:16:34Marc:Yeah, I don't know if I talked about... Yeah, I don't know.

00:16:37Marc:They've both taken a hit.

00:16:38Marc:My mom seems to be a better sport about it, but lately, I don't know.

00:16:42Marc:Even on my last special, I took a shot at my dad.

00:16:44Marc:But I've tried to get a little better about it.

00:16:46Marc:I do that line about, do you remember the day you realized your dad was a fucking idiot?

00:16:51Guest:I do.

00:16:53Guest:I do.

00:16:53Guest:My uncle told me I was sitting on the steps of my girlfriend's apartment.

00:16:57Guest:Yeah.

00:16:58Guest:And my parents were going through a breakup.

00:17:00Guest:Yeah.

00:17:00Guest:And I was holding my dad responsible entirely.

00:17:02Guest:I was like, fuck him.

00:17:04Guest:He's dead to me.

00:17:05Guest:Yeah.

00:17:05Guest:And my uncle Jerry called me and he was like, first of all, you're a fucking idiot.

00:17:08Guest:Okay.

00:17:09Guest:You understand your dad's a human being.

00:17:10Guest:He's a man.

00:17:11Guest:He has wants and he has needs.

00:17:12Guest:And one day you will understand that.

00:17:13Guest:Mark, I swear to God, as I'm sitting inside your house and we're talking about wanting things, I want a better – I'm going – I want to call my dad and go, so when your midlife crisis started and you fucked everything up, how do I get in front of that?

00:17:25Marc:Yeah, I know.

00:17:26Marc:Exactly.

00:17:26Guest:Because I feel like I'm right there with him, like stride to stride.

00:17:30Guest:And it's so funny because I resented him for having a midlife crisis at the same age I'm having it.

00:17:35Guest:Yeah.

00:17:35Guest:And you go, and now you feel like a weird connection where you... Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:17:40Marc:I used to do a joke where I'm like, at some point as a man, you're going to have to have that, you know, sit down with your father and just, you know, look at him right in the eye and go like, okay, how do I avoid becoming you?

00:17:51Marc:Because it's happening and I want out.

00:17:52Marc:Is there any of...

00:17:54Marc:Yeah.

00:17:55Marc:Advice you can give me.

00:17:56Guest:I've got my dad's body when he was my age.

00:17:58Guest:Oh boy.

00:17:58Guest:Like I can see it.

00:17:59Guest:Like my dad's tits collapsed, like where it was like muscle and then just like fat tit.

00:18:04Guest:And I, the other day I'm looking in the mirror and I'm like, Oh my God, I'm getting my dad's breasts.

00:18:08Guest:Oh my God.

00:18:09Marc:So wait, did you ask him?

00:18:11Guest:Did you talk to him?

00:18:12Guest:I haven't.

00:18:13Guest:Actually, this is like what we're talking about in the kitchen is like right on top of me.

00:18:16Marc:So is that right?

00:18:18Marc:So you're just kind of putting that together that it might be the midlife thing happening?

00:18:21Guest:I think so.

00:18:22Guest:I'm not like I just.

00:18:24Guest:How old are you?

00:18:25Guest:45.

00:18:26Guest:45 and i think everything's going in the right direction i'm really happy with where i'm at i love my life i love my wife i love my kids yeah but i feel like i feel like i'm um insatiable does you know what i mean sure like i want more like i for me for most part i've been doing it with drugs alcohol food yeah and then i i just got to a point where i was like all right none of that shit's working it's making me unhappy

00:18:47Guest:Yeah.

00:18:48Guest:Not booze.

00:18:48Guest:Like, I'll still drink, and I'll still smoke pot, and I still try to eat like shit, but I was like, I need to right this boat and find out what's at the base of it.

00:18:55Guest:And then immediately, I was like, I want to spend money.

00:18:57Marc:And then I was like, okay, we're- But so how long you been, like, you're eating better, and you're exercising?

00:19:01Guest:I got a nutritionist, and I- Really?

00:19:03Guest:Yeah, I got a nutritionist, and I started getting-

00:19:07Guest:Only because I don't want to die.

00:19:10Guest:I don't want to be the old comic you see at the store who's drinking booze in the back at like 57 and shanking.

00:19:19Guest:I don't want to be that guy.

00:19:20Guest:I was never that guy.

00:19:22Guest:And I don't want to slide into that role.

00:19:24Guest:And people go, of course, that's Bert.

00:19:25Guest:Yeah.

00:19:25Guest:And then I got into, and I think it's all based on me and Tom's bully friendship of picking on each other and loving each other.

00:19:34Guest:But I started getting into running marathons and half marathons and triathlons.

00:19:37Guest:Really?

00:19:37Marc:You're running every day?

00:19:39Guest:Today I ran three miles this morning.

00:19:41Guest:Yeah.

00:19:41Guest:Ate healthy, had what looked like the identical shake that you had.

00:19:45Guest:Yeah.

00:19:46Guest:I've been eating avocado just like you eat it, a little sprinkle of sea salt.

00:19:49Guest:Yeah.

00:19:49Guest:Except I put red pepper flakes on it.

00:19:51Guest:Oh, that's nice.

00:19:51Guest:Yeah.

00:19:53Guest:And then, you know, like last night I didn't drink because I knew I was coming here and I was like, I have a busy day today.

00:19:58Guest:So I think that has changed on me because last night I would have definitely drank.

00:20:02Guest:Like I just would have partied until two in the morning.

00:20:04Guest:What happened last night?

00:20:04Guest:Nothing.

00:20:05Guest:Nothing, Mark.

00:20:06Guest:Fucking nothing.

00:20:07Guest:I just would have drank.

00:20:08Guest:Yeah.

00:20:08Guest:Okay.

00:20:09Guest:Yeah.

00:20:09Guest:That might be a problem.

00:20:10Guest:Yeah.

00:20:11Guest:And so, and so like I'm on this more of a path of like, let's get this, let's get your shit done.

00:20:16Guest:Let's be, let's be a tad bit accountable.

00:20:18Guest:Right.

00:20:19Marc:Well, no, like you got the itch, you know, so you're a guy, you got that thing, you got the compulsive bug, you know, and it's gotta be, you know, you always need a little something.

00:20:27Guest:Dude, I connected.

00:20:29Guest:So I met this nutritionist.

00:20:31Guest:Yeah.

00:20:31Guest:Cynthia Sass is her name.

00:20:32Guest:And we started talking about eating habits.

00:20:35Guest:Me and you are very similar.

00:20:36Guest:Me and Nikki Glazer are very similar in that I don't know how to eat healthy.

00:20:41Guest:Yeah.

00:20:42Guest:Like I don't, I can really quickly, I heard the podcast you did with her.

00:20:45Guest:It was like hearing someone say like, oh yeah, I was molested.

00:20:49Guest:And then you're like, wait, I think I was too.

00:20:51Guest:Yeah.

00:20:51Guest:I was like, I think I have an eating disorder.

00:20:53Guest:I only know how to not eat.

00:20:56Guest:I know how to get my calories down to 900 and not be happy and go to bed miserable and wake up miserable, but I don't know how to eat healthy.

00:21:05Marc:Yeah, I'm trying to do it, you know.

00:21:08Guest:Oh, I'm like- I like to eat all the time.

00:21:13Marc:That's the thing.

00:21:14Marc:It's like, I can eat healthy, but I still need to fucking eat all the time.

00:21:17Guest:My problem is I go to eat and I order two meals because I go, I want the meal I want, I should order, and then I want the meal I want.

00:21:23Guest:It's all order two meals.

00:21:25Guest:That's your thing, yeah.

00:21:26Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:21:26Guest:I order appetizer.

00:21:27Guest:I go, make it rain.

00:21:28Guest:For a while, my diet was not ordering appetizers.

00:21:31Guest:Right.

00:21:31Guest:I was like, that's my diet.

00:21:32Guest:I just won't order appetizers.

00:21:33Yeah.

00:21:34Guest:I'm like, yeah.

00:21:35Guest:And even the other day, I said to the girls, I go, what do you guys want for lunch?

00:21:39Guest:It's Sunday.

00:21:40Guest:I just done the triathlon.

00:21:41Guest:I felt like I accomplished it.

00:21:42Guest:Sure.

00:21:43Guest:You reward yourself.

00:21:45Guest:Dude, after I did the marathon, I gained 15 pounds within a week.

00:21:49Guest:I was eating like I had a month to live.

00:21:52Guest:I would just get pizzas and I put ranch on the pizza and then sriracha on the ranch.

00:21:58Guest:I was just like a fucking lunatic.

00:22:00Guest:And then at one point I started going, I'm not drinking, but then that means I can drink root beer.

00:22:04Guest:So I was murdering root beers left and right.

00:22:07Guest:For me, it's impulse.

00:22:10Guest:Like, I can't, if you said to me, you want to have a cigar?

00:22:13Guest:I'd be like, I love that feeling.

00:22:14Guest:I love that, like, trigger feeling.

00:22:16Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:17Guest:Like, if you said, I haven't had a drink in 19 years.

00:22:19Guest:You want to go get a cocktail, Bert?

00:22:20Guest:I'd be like, oh, darn, fuck my day.

00:22:22Guest:Fuck my day.

00:22:23Guest:Let's go.

00:22:23Guest:Hey, by the way, congratulations.

00:22:25Marc:Thank you very much.

00:22:26Marc:Well, that's the thing is like I got, it's always something.

00:22:29Marc:So I was like, I was off the nicotine for a while and then like I started, I had a cigar here and there, but then it's a matter, it's only a matter of time from one a day, you know, and then maybe sometimes two.

00:22:40Marc:Yeah.

00:22:40Marc:Like fucking real cigars, right?

00:22:42Marc:And then you're like, you're like, what am I doing in my mouth?

00:22:44Marc:What the fuck is happening?

00:22:45Marc:So I got this cold and it got me off the fucking nicotine Jones.

00:22:49Marc:So I haven't had a cigar in like five days.

00:22:51Marc:And now I'm sort of off the, you know, the physical addiction of it.

00:22:55Marc:Yeah.

00:22:55Marc:But goddamn, like I feel that itch though.

00:22:57Marc:Like, oh, I just want something.

00:22:59Guest:For me, it was that marathon.

00:23:01Guest:When I did the marathon, I quit smoking cigars because I was like, I would really feel the effect on my lungs the next day.

00:23:06Guest:Sure.

00:23:07Guest:And so I quit smoking weed and marathons for the, or weed and cigars for the marathon.

00:23:11Guest:And then I got to like, I guess marathon was in like March and I was like, I haven't smoked a cigar in three months.

00:23:16Guest:And then I was like, fuck it, I'll plan another thing and then I'll keep away from that.

00:23:19Guest:And then I did the triathlon and I kind of,

00:23:21Guest:I went on a little bit of a bender on a tour that we did.

00:23:24Guest:But then I was like, all right, I'm back.

00:23:26Guest:And I think having these goals, like setting things up for me, kind of keeps me on the straight and narrow.

00:23:33Guest:Like you're in training.

00:23:34Guest:A little bit.

00:23:35Guest:Yeah.

00:23:35Guest:Even though I still kind of go off with – I will go off every now and then.

00:23:38Guest:Yeah.

00:23:38Guest:But, you know.

00:23:40Marc:Yeah, I don't know.

00:23:41Marc:Like, I get, like, I've kind of, like, reeled it in with the diet thing and, you know, eating healthier.

00:23:47Marc:Because I got the cholesterol thing.

00:23:48Marc:The doc said, you know.

00:23:49Guest:Oh, yeah, I got all that, too.

00:23:50Guest:You do?

00:23:51Guest:Of course.

00:23:51Guest:You take pills?

00:23:52Guest:I take blood pressure pills.

00:23:54Guest:Really?

00:23:54Guest:Yeah.

00:23:54Marc:Yeah, no, that kind of scared me, the, like, genetic cholesterol problem, you know?

00:24:00Guest:Yeah.

00:24:00Marc:So with that went ice cream for the most part.

00:24:04Oh.

00:24:04Guest:What about like frozen yogurt?

00:24:07Marc:Nothing.

00:24:07Marc:Really?

00:24:08Marc:No, like I've been on this fucking sugar fast for months.

00:24:10Marc:It was only supposed to be 30 days.

00:24:12Marc:It's been four months.

00:24:12Marc:I took off like 10 pounds.

00:24:15Marc:You look great.

00:24:15Marc:Thanks, man.

00:24:16Marc:And I've been working out.

00:24:17Marc:But now I'm like, here's what you got to get into.

00:24:21Marc:And maybe this is the other side of the eating disorders.

00:24:23Marc:Like now that I'm like, I'm only eating basically...

00:24:26Marc:No dairy, no rice, no beans, just fucking mostly fish, vegetables, and nuts, and avocados.

00:24:32Marc:That's where I'm at.

00:24:33Marc:That's it.

00:24:34Marc:That's where I'm at.

00:24:34Marc:But now I don't know how to get out of it.

00:24:36Marc:Because my trainer's like, maybe you should start doing some carbs, like some sweet potatoes.

00:24:40Marc:I'm like, I don't know.

00:24:42Guest:My wife made sweet potatoes last night.

00:24:44Guest:And I was like, I can't fuck with them.

00:24:45Guest:She's like, it's good for you.

00:24:46Guest:And I was like, it's good for you.

00:24:48Guest:It's not good for me.

00:24:49Guest:Because I'm not going to have what we call a serving of that.

00:24:53Guest:I will have the rest of what is in that bowl.

00:24:55Marc:Yeah.

00:24:55Marc:And it just, where does it stop?

00:24:57Marc:And how much have you lost?

00:25:00Guest:I lost 13 pounds from my heaviest.

00:25:05Guest:And that was like, I really, I went through a tear.

00:25:08Guest:On the special.

00:25:09Guest:No, on the special, I was lighter than I am now.

00:25:11Guest:Oh, really?

00:25:11Guest:Yeah, because I was training for something.

00:25:13Guest:Oh, okay.

00:25:13Guest:So I was like, I was focused.

00:25:15Guest:Yeah.

00:25:15Guest:And then as soon as the special was done, I did the marathon, and then I just, I ballooned up.

00:25:20Guest:The biggest I got was like 250.

00:25:22Guest:Was it fun?

00:25:23Guest:What, ballooning up?

00:25:24Guest:Yeah.

00:25:24Guest:Oh, it was amazing.

00:25:26Guest:It was an amazing mark.

00:25:26Guest:I was like, I would go, we were doing a theater tour, and I'd go, and I'd go up.

00:25:30Guest:And they'd have Tito's waiting backstage for me.

00:25:33Guest:And I'd get in on the airplane and they'd say, do you need anything for your green room?

00:25:37Guest:And I'd go, hey, what's the special food you got here?

00:25:40Guest:And they'd go, oh, Coney's.

00:25:41Guest:Detroit, you got to get the Coney's.

00:25:42Guest:I was like- One of those hot dogs?

00:25:44Guest:Yeah, yeah, with the cheese and the chili.

00:25:45Guest:And I'd go, I want like 50 bucks worth of those.

00:25:49Guest:And they're like, okay.

00:25:50Guest:And then they just line them up in the back.

00:25:51Guest:And you're like, and people will come back.

00:25:53Guest:My sister was there.

00:25:53Guest:I was like, hey, check these out.

00:25:55Guest:Conies.

00:25:55Guest:And my sister's like me.

00:25:56Guest:She's like, oh, let's fucking murder them.

00:25:57Guest:And we're just murdering Conies.

00:25:59Guest:Go to the next place.

00:25:59Guest:Hey, what's really big here?

00:26:01Guest:It was the best.

00:26:01Guest:And then I'd land in LA and I'd still be on that tear.

00:26:04Guest:You know, there's an in and out right by LAX.

00:26:05Guest:I was like, I can murder one in and out.

00:26:07Guest:I haven't had breakfast yet.

00:26:09Guest:I've already had a couple Tito's on the plane.

00:26:11Marc:But like you get off the plane, you're like, that's all that's on your mind, right?

00:26:14Guest:Oh, Mark, Mark, Mark.

00:26:16Guest:Do you get a shake?

00:26:17Guest:I'm already telling you.

00:26:17Guest:No, I don't do a shake.

00:26:20Guest:When I get off the plane in LAX, that is where I am at my most vulnerable.

00:26:27Guest:Because I fly American all the time.

00:26:29Guest:Yeah, me too.

00:26:30Guest:You got those roast beef sandwiches they make at that bar with the hot mustard.

00:26:34Guest:At LAX?

00:26:35Guest:At LAX.

00:26:35Guest:If you're down by 48, 49, those gates, that little ball.

00:26:39Guest:Yeah.

00:26:40Guest:When you walk out, right to the right, there's a bar, and they have a roast beef sandwich with the hot mustard that you get down at Philippe's.

00:26:46Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:26:47Guest:It's that.

00:26:47Guest:I know those guys by name.

00:26:52Guest:When they see me, they're like, hey, roast beef.

00:26:53Guest:I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:54Guest:I'll eat down in the car ride home.

00:26:55Guest:They had the Kogi taco truck next to that for a while.

00:26:58Guest:They got the burger place behind it.

00:26:59Guest:They got the fucking- Oh, in that little food court now.

00:27:02Guest:They got the macaroons off to the right.

00:27:03Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:05Guest:At the little French coffee place.

00:27:07Guest:Dude.

00:27:08Guest:Yeah.

00:27:08Guest:And then you can get great sandwiches.

00:27:10Guest:They got the sandwich place that's on La Brea.

00:27:12Guest:I forget the name of it right now.

00:27:14Guest:Daphne Brogdon's husband owns it.

00:27:17Marc:Daphne, what happened to that?

00:27:18Marc:That's right.

00:27:19Guest:She married a restaurateur.

00:27:22Guest:We go back to Nevermind the Buzzcocks.

00:27:24Guest:That was one of my favorite television shows I've ever done.

00:27:27Guest:By the way, that's the best I've ever been on television in my entire life.

00:27:30Guest:When you did that?

00:27:30Guest:I've never been funnier in my life.

00:27:32Guest:I wish somebody watched it.

00:27:34Guest:Dude, do you remember they did this show?

00:27:36Guest:Just for those of you who don't, Mark had a show called Nevermind the Buzzcocks.

00:27:39Marc:I did the American version of Nevermind the Buzzcocks for VH1.

00:27:43Marc:We shot like maybe 10 of them.

00:27:45Marc:Yeah.

00:27:46Marc:And nobody watched them.

00:27:47Marc:And there's no evidence of it anywhere.

00:27:50Guest:They bring us on.

00:27:50Guest:This is, I had tested to be a co-host of it.

00:27:54Guest:Right.

00:27:54Guest:And I didn't get it.

00:27:55Guest:And then I was like, okay.

00:27:56Guest:But they're like, hey, we want you to be on an episode.

00:27:58Guest:So the episode I did, it was the lead singer from Loverboy.

00:28:01Guest:Right.

00:28:02Marc:Oh, that's right.

00:28:03Guest:Yeah.

00:28:03Guest:And you were so excited.

00:28:04Guest:I was so excited because they're like, the premise was they're going to put three people up on there and you got to guess which one's the lead singer from Loverboy.

00:28:11Guest:Yeah.

00:28:12Guest:His name is Dave something, right?

00:28:13Guest:Yeah.

00:28:14Guest:And so they got three people and everyone's like going back and forth like, what do we do?

00:28:18Guest:What do we do?

00:28:18Guest:And I was like, oh, I can figure this out real quick.

00:28:21Guest:And they're like, yeah.

00:28:21Guest:And the three guys are standing up there looking into the way and I just go, hey, Dave.

00:28:25Guest:And one guy looks, I go, it's a guy in the middle.

00:28:28Guest:Yeah.

00:28:28Guest:And everyone died laughing.

00:28:30Guest:And I looked at you and you're like, oh, you just totally destroyed and ruined the game.

00:28:35Guest:But that was the funniest.

00:28:36Marc:But I thought it was like, didn't he do the hand thing or something?

00:28:39Guest:I said, I go, and then they're like, all right, do more, ask him more questions.

00:28:44Guest:I go, all right, everyone turn around and do the sign, the Loverboy sign behind your back.

00:28:48Guest:And two of the guys were like, one guy's flicking us off.

00:28:51Guest:The other guy's doing a peace sign.

00:28:53Guest:And then the one guy goes, the Loverboy sign.

00:28:54Marc:And we're like, we got him.

00:28:55Marc:Because I remember you got real excited.

00:28:56Marc:I got him.

00:28:57Marc:You know me.

00:28:59Guest:I'm a man who lives by his fluids.

00:29:02Guest:And then I almost fucked Tiffany.

00:29:03Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:29:04Guest:You remember that?

00:29:05Guest:Tiffany, the singer.

00:29:06Guest:Yeah.

00:29:07Guest:It was me, the kid from New Kids on the Block, the smaller one.

00:29:11Guest:Yeah.

00:29:12Guest:Joey or something.

00:29:13Marc:I don't remember.

00:29:13Marc:Yeah.

00:29:14Marc:That whole thing is a blur to me.

00:29:15Guest:Sebastian Bach and Sherrod Small.

00:29:17Guest:And we're in the back in the green room smoking a joint.

00:29:20Guest:Right.

00:29:20Guest:And Tiffany's hitting on me, like just kind of flirting with me.

00:29:23Guest:Get out of here.

00:29:23Guest:And she goes, we should hang out in LA.

00:29:25Guest:And I was like, okay.

00:29:27Guest:And she was like, yeah.

00:29:28Guest:I was like, yeah, something like that.

00:29:29Guest:I was like, cool.

00:29:30Guest:And she walks away, and Sebastian Bach's got a joint in his mouth.

00:29:32Guest:He's like, you're going to fuck Tiffany.

00:29:33Guest:You're going to fuck Tiffany.

00:29:34Guest:I can't believe this happened.

00:29:35Guest:You're going to fuck Tiffany.

00:29:36Guest:And I was like, I'm excited.

00:29:37Guest:I'm like, I know, I know.

00:29:38Guest:And then she comes in.

00:29:39Guest:We all talk a little bit.

00:29:40Guest:Joey McIntyre.

00:29:41Guest:Joey McIntyre's there.

00:29:42Guest:And she goes, all right, guys, take care.

00:29:44Guest:And she leaves.

00:29:45Guest:And everyone's like, okay.

00:29:46Guest:oh you didn't get her number I was like yeah I was like yeah you know what there's a good story as it is and like yeah and pass the joint around one more time have a beer I think and then all of a sudden her manager comes in and goes Tiffany would like to have you give you her number and hands me her number and I can see Sebastian Bach shaking and Joey McIntyre shaking and Sherrod small and we're all like and he leaves and I'm like it's gonna happen like it was the funnest that was my favorite one of my favorite shows I've ever done in my life oh what happened with Tiffany

00:30:12Guest:So cut to three months later, I'm in L.A.

00:30:16Guest:with my buddy Eddie, and I've told everyone this story about Tiffany.

00:30:18Guest:I've told everyone this story.

00:30:19Guest:About the phone number.

00:30:20Guest:Yeah, about the phone number, and I don't follow through with that.

00:30:23Guest:Anyone who gives me their phone number, I'm a suspect of.

00:30:26Guest:So we're driving on Wilshire, crossing Santa Monica, you know, by kind of out where the Playboy Mansion is a little bit.

00:30:33Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:34Guest:And I'm with my buddy Eddie, and I'm looking.

00:30:37Guest:We're pulling next to this black Mercedes.

00:30:39Guest:Yeah.

00:30:40Guest:And it is keyed top to bottom.

00:30:43Guest:Whore, bitch.

00:30:45Guest:C word all across the side.

00:30:48Guest:Just not the C, but the actual word written all in the door.

00:30:51Guest:And we are reading this like, oh, my God.

00:30:54Guest:Whose car is this?

00:30:55Guest:And the window rolls down, and it's Tiffany.

00:30:57Guest:She goes, Bert?

00:30:58Guest:And I was like, Tiffany?

00:31:00Guest:She's like, you never called me.

00:31:01Guest:And I was like, I'm definitely not calling now.

00:31:04Guest:I don't know what you did to get your car keyed that bad, but I went out of that.

00:31:10Guest:She's still hot.

00:31:10Guest:I don't give a shit.

00:31:13Marc:All right, buddy.

00:31:14Marc:Well, that was good.

00:31:15Marc:Well, congratulations.

00:31:16Guest:Thank you, man.

00:31:17Marc:Thank you so much.

00:31:17Marc:On the special and on getting healthy and everything.

00:31:21Marc:You seem great.

00:31:21Marc:I'm in a good place right now.

00:31:22Marc:You seem pretty chipper, though.

00:31:23Marc:I've never seen you in a dark place.

00:31:25Guest:Yeah, I like having a good time.

00:31:28Guest:I always say there's comments.

00:31:30Marc:I know, but sometimes you think it's your shtick, but I think even when you're not doing all the things that hurt you or that you shouldn't do, you seem pretty chipper.

00:31:41Guest:I think I, I, you know, I always say this, like I got into comedy to giggle.

00:31:46Guest:Yeah.

00:31:46Guest:Like I like giggling.

00:31:47Guest:I like, I like, yeah.

00:31:48Guest:And it's, so it's like any night at a comedy club for me is just giggling.

00:31:51Guest:Yeah.

00:31:52Guest:Like you see someone work and you're like, Oh, like I can call back things you said on stage and go, Oh, I got, I got, I call them skipper fingers where your fingers go up like this and they start wiggling.

00:32:02Guest:You go, Oh, shut up.

00:32:04Guest:Oh, shut up.

00:32:05Guest:I remember a set you did in the belly room, and you just were ranting about the store.

00:32:12Guest:And I'm in the back going, oh, yeah.

00:32:15Guest:I'm just happy.

00:32:16Guest:I just like being a comic.

00:32:18Guest:That's it.

00:32:18Marc:No, it's great.

00:32:19Marc:I mean, some days are better than others, but it's great.

00:32:23Marc:When you can watch your friends and still get a kick out of them.

00:32:26Marc:Some dudes.

00:32:27Guest:I would say I'm lucky.

00:32:28Guest:My friends are the funniest people in the world.

00:32:31Marc:Who's your inner circle?

00:32:33Marc:Segura, Burr?

00:32:34Guest:Segura, Burr, Rogan, Al Madrigal.

00:32:36Guest:I put you in there.

00:32:37Guest:How's Al doing?

00:32:38Guest:Al's doing great.

00:32:39Guest:I just had breakfast with him and Burr yesterday.

00:32:41Marc:Are you part of that operation?

00:32:43Guest:All Things Comedy, yeah.

00:32:46Guest:We do my cooking show, Something's Burning.

00:32:48Guest:I'd love to have you on it.

00:32:49Guest:Whenever.

00:32:50Guest:Is it a podcast?

00:32:52Guest:Oh, you haven't seen it?

00:32:52Guest:No.

00:32:53Guest:It's a video?

00:32:54Guest:It's a video.

00:32:55Guest:It's a cooking show.

00:32:56Guest:It's like a 40-minute cooking show.

00:32:57Guest:For all things comedy?

00:32:58Guest:For all things comedy.

00:32:59Guest:It's getting big numbers.

00:33:00Guest:Yeah.

00:33:00Guest:And I just go in and I cook a meal.

00:33:02Guest:I'm not a real good cook.

00:33:03Guest:Yeah.

00:33:03Guest:But I cook a meal for my friends.

00:33:05Guest:Yeah.

00:33:05Guest:And we just bullshit.

00:33:06Guest:Oh, that's funny.

00:33:06Guest:And it's mostly people making fun of me being a bad cook and drinking.

00:33:11Guest:Where can people see that?

00:33:12Guest:See it on YouTube on all things comedies YouTube and we're making more.

00:33:15Guest:I think we're expanding and doing more and And they're allowing a little more room for us to create.

00:33:21Guest:I think that was our meeting yesterday And so last night I was shooting promos for my special because I like that shit yeah shooting stuff on Instagram Yeah, and the promo I was doing was hey, it's Bert Kreischer and I'm here at the store I was hoping you'd be there last night because you'd be perfect for this I was good.

00:33:34Marc:I was supposed to be but I just got stuck in a recording session.

00:33:36Marc:I was supposed to be on Tripoli show

00:33:37Guest:I know.

00:33:37Guest:I was on that show, too.

00:33:39Guest:So I wanted you on this bad.

00:33:40Guest:Because the premise was, it's Bert Kreischer.

00:33:42Guest:I'm at the store, and I'm asking my friends, the best comics in the world, how you should enjoy a comedy special.

00:33:48Guest:So the question is, should you watch it alone or with people?

00:33:50Guest:Should you drink or smoke weed or watch it sober?

00:33:53Guest:Should you watch it on an iPad, a TV?

00:33:55Guest:Yeah.

00:33:56Marc:I like watching them alone, generally.

00:33:58Marc:So you have to look at the other person like, huh?

00:34:00Marc:Yeah.

00:34:00Marc:Anytime you watch a comedy special with someone else that you like the comic, you feel like, I'm going to sell you on this guy.

00:34:08Guest:I did that with my wife.

00:34:10Guest:Nanette came out and said, hey, you should watch this.

00:34:13Guest:And my wife's just trashing it.

00:34:15Guest:And I'm like, now you're making me side with her.

00:34:17Guest:Like, please don't do this.

00:34:19Guest:Like, just...

00:34:20Guest:I do that with like, I put on Demetri Martin's special and my wife's like, I don't get it.

00:34:24Guest:I'm like, oh, then I'm like, I don't know if I can, maybe we should just say, yeah.

00:34:29Guest:My wife likes Bill Burr.

00:34:31Guest:Yeah.

00:34:31Guest:Like she loves him.

00:34:32Guest:Yeah.

00:34:33Guest:She like, the only thing she'll really enjoy is your podcast and Bill Burr.

00:34:38Guest:Oh, good.

00:34:38Marc:Yeah.

00:34:39Marc:I feel like I'm in good company.

00:34:40Guest:Yeah.

00:34:41Guest:Two guys I am absolutely nothing like.

00:34:43Marc:What about you?

00:34:44Marc:She like you?

00:34:45Yeah.

00:34:45Marc:okay tired of it give it five more years i've seen this act every day i'm telling you it's not whatever you're seeing on stage for an hour i got 23 other ones that would uh disprove whatever your argument is yeah she's the kind of woman that when someone goes must be rough living with birds like you have no idea and then we'll just start spilling i go honey just could have been like yeah you know

00:35:09Guest:Yeah.

00:35:09Guest:Comics.

00:35:11Guest:Not like this morning.

00:35:12Guest:His semen tastes bad when he drinks too much.

00:35:14Guest:I'm like, they don't need to know that.

00:35:16Guest:Like, don't tell them that.

00:35:17Guest:Come on.

00:35:18Guest:That's true.

00:35:22Guest:Good talking to you.

00:35:22Guest:I love you, man.

00:35:23Guest:Thank you.

00:35:23Guest:I love you too.

00:35:30Marc:Huh?

00:35:30Marc:Happy Bert.

00:35:32Marc:I don't know if he's happy, but he's excited.

00:35:35Marc:He gets me excited, and he gets people excited.

00:35:37Marc:That's what he does.

00:35:38Marc:He's a fun guy.

00:35:40Marc:His new Netflix special, Secret Time, is streaming now.

00:35:43Marc:So Ian Bagg, as I said, a guy I've kind of known.

00:35:47Marc:He's been around for a long time.

00:35:49Marc:He's always been there.

00:35:50Marc:I've always said, hey, there's Ian Bagg.

00:35:52Marc:And now here's Ian Bagg on my show.

00:35:54Marc:His podcast, National Bagg Radio, is available from all things comedy.

00:35:58Marc:This is me talking to Ian Bagg.

00:36:00Marc:i haven't seen you in a while it's been a couple days right has been right yeah i mean like when the fuck i can't like wait i it was one of those things where i think i saw you and i'm like oh shit ian's gotta do the show i you know what it's it's funny because i i go in spurts with you i'll see you in just random places i ran into you in australia

00:36:25Guest:right yeah where when was that that was uh well for the festival or when i was doing a show yeah that was a few years ago that was i want to say 2010 and you were doing like a one one dude thing there that's what you do there yeah yeah and did it and yeah it was fun so australia then i saw you were at the store i've seen this store a couple weeks ago right yeah that's when we set this up uh i think it just been set up and then we just ran into each other okay

00:36:48Guest:Because I cruise in and out of the store.

00:36:50Guest:I'm very quick in there.

00:36:51Guest:I don't just hang.

00:36:53Guest:I'm one of those guys who goes in and gets out.

00:36:55Guest:You afraid?

00:36:55Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:36:56Guest:I'm one of those guys.

00:36:58Guest:I don't like hugging people.

00:36:59Guest:And sometimes I don't just like talking to people.

00:37:02Guest:So I just get out.

00:37:03Guest:There's nothing but trouble over there.

00:37:05Guest:There is nothing but trouble.

00:37:07Marc:Sometimes I'm there late.

00:37:08Marc:I go in and do my spot.

00:37:10Marc:But after 10, 30, 11, something happens.

00:37:13Guest:uh yeah yeah yeah something definitely happened like 11 to 2 it's like a whole different things get a little chaotic it's a little scattered yeah you kind of like what's going on in here i actually just did something that you might be interested in what uh i bought a house in uh on the east coast of virginia really and and i just happened to be out there my wife is from out there in cape charles and i was you have kids uh no

00:37:38Guest:i'm doing all these renovations on it and i started doing a podcast with a a contractor of mine a friend of mine about me trying because i i don't know you said to me i have to put a kitchen in here and i just thought i wonder what he knows about doing kitchen because i know nothing about doing stuff so i i just end up in these situations where i'm like i need to i need to ask questions so that's

00:37:58Marc:It's good because if you're actually doing a podcast with a contractor, you kind of hold him accountable so you can do the entire arc of the renovation.

00:38:05Marc:And then when he fucks you on the bill, you can be like, this did not work out the way I planned.

00:38:09Guest:Exactly.

00:38:10Guest:And I don't hire him.

00:38:11Guest:I just ask him questions and then have somebody else interrogate him.

00:38:14Marc:Like, what is this charge for?

00:38:15Marc:Yeah.

00:38:16Marc:I don't remember you being here that many hours.

00:38:18Marc:Nails.

00:38:19Marc:who uses nails yeah that's crazy what are you primitive yeah so i'm trying to remember like where like i first met you in new york i think you came there as a child you were friends with bonnie mcfarland maybe yeah really i met you in montreal first yep really yep uh the montreal comedy festival when was that uh 1996

00:38:41Guest:really isn't that wild it was so i that was before i was anybody and i was was i running wandering around for comedy central interviewing people yeah you may have been and doing sets and uh i i remember where i was it was at the comedy works 95 96 and like one of the packed comedy works yeah one of the book back on me works shows and and you gave me just i had only been doing comedy for a year yeah and you were you were nice to me so we were

00:39:06Guest:up in the dressing room kind of deal we were all uh it was right it was uh we're up in the dressing room and hanging in the stairwell right it was a tell it was yeah ck right yeah it was all these guys 95 96 something like that right yeah yeah holy shit and you hadn't you lived there i lived in vancouver i'd hitchhiked out to see what the uh the montreal comedy festival was all about hitchhiked from vancouver to montreal that's like yeah that's like 1500 miles yes across the entire country yeah

00:39:33Marc:Two rides.

00:39:35Marc:Really?

00:39:35Marc:Yeah.

00:39:35Marc:Trucks?

00:39:36Marc:Nope.

00:39:37Marc:Just random guys.

00:39:38Marc:And what did you guys get?

00:39:40Marc:Hotel rooms?

00:39:40Marc:I mean, did you go straight through?

00:39:41Guest:Straight through.

00:39:42Guest:I was that age where you just go straight through, and I guess they were delivering something, even though they weren't in trucks, so they wanted to get it done, too.

00:39:52Guest:So where'd you grow up, though?

00:39:53Guest:I grew up in northern British Columbia, a little town called Terrace, BC, up near Ketchikan, Alaska.

00:39:59Marc:Oh, so that's on the west side?

00:40:01Marc:West side, yeah.

00:40:02Marc:Oh, man.

00:40:03Marc:So, like, what was going on up there?

00:40:05Marc:Like, how many people in that place?

00:40:08Guest:It was 10,000 random people in the middle of nowhere logging, mining, mining.

00:40:15Guest:it's pretty though oh yeah if you if you like uh outdoors it is beautiful if you don't like many people and you like the outdoors and uh yeah why were you up there how come uh my dad was a heavy duty mechanic worked on trucks yeah and my mom was a nurse and that's why i lived up there so so they needed a nurse and they needed i think was more my dad lumber trucks yeah yeah you had to get had to the guys that drive the trucks my dad would say were were idiots so they had to always put it back together it

00:40:41Guest:Really?

00:40:41Guest:Yeah, he'd come back and tell me.

00:40:43Guest:He'd tell me about the square-head German all the time.

00:40:46Guest:Square-head German?

00:40:47Guest:I had no idea.

00:40:47Guest:What does that mean?

00:40:48Guest:I have no idea, but in my head, all I could see was he couldn't wear a hard hat because of his head.

00:40:52Guest:Oh, a square-head German.

00:40:54Guest:Yeah.

00:40:55Marc:That's the one thing you remember about your childhood, is your dad complaining about a specific German fella.

00:41:00Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:41:02Guest:He was also the gunsmith in town.

00:41:04Guest:Your dad was?

00:41:05Guest:No, the German fella.

00:41:06Guest:The German?

00:41:06Guest:Oh, so he knew him.

00:41:07Guest:Oh, yeah, they were friends, but he's called the square head German.

00:41:09Marc:What's a gunsmith do?

00:41:11Guest:He would, you know, fix everybody's guns in town.

00:41:14Marc:Sort of like a knife sharpener when your trigger went or you just bring the gun in and maybe he'd clean it or straighten it out?

00:41:20Guest:Yeah, he would sell some guns.

00:41:23Guest:I remember going over there and he would also put the bullets.

00:41:29Guest:He would take all the shells.

00:41:30Guest:Oh, load the shotgun shells.

00:41:32Guest:Yeah, load them all back up.

00:41:33Guest:With the machine.

00:41:33Marc:Yeah.

00:41:34Marc:I know how to do that.

00:41:34Marc:Yeah.

00:41:35Marc:Yeah.

00:41:36Marc:It's a strange skill for a Jew in general, but I learned it at camp.

00:41:40Marc:I went to a camp once.

00:41:41Marc:Yeah.

00:41:42Marc:You put the shell down and then you put the powder and then you put a plastic wad thing to separate the powder from the shot.

00:41:50Marc:Right.

00:41:50Marc:And then you put the shot, you know, whatever it is, buckshot or whatever gauge shot you're going to use.

00:41:55Marc:Or the ball.

00:41:55Marc:And then you seal the fucker up.

00:41:56Marc:You know, crimp it.

00:41:58Guest:I remember that he would do 22.

00:42:01Guest:He was doing 22 shells all the time.

00:42:03Marc:Well, that's like, I don't know how to do that.

00:42:04Marc:That's like real bullet shit.

00:42:05Marc:Shotgun shells, you just load it up.

00:42:07Guest:It's basically the same.

00:42:08Guest:I just remember it's powder.

00:42:09Guest:And then you got to put a top on it.

00:42:11Guest:Like, oh, really?

00:42:12Marc:Yeah.

00:42:12Marc:Huh.

00:42:12Marc:So what?

00:42:13Marc:Did you do a lot of shooting?

00:42:14Guest:No, not matching.

00:42:15Guest:Yeah, just a little bit.

00:42:16Guest:I was never, you know, my dad would take me out hunting and I'd be crying the whole time while shooting something.

00:42:20Guest:So...

00:42:21Guest:it's just it's like all right we'll try fishing and then i hit him it's the worst experience it's a worst experience being put in a position to kill something just like fucking oh i remember i remember they'd bring home moose and would be hanging in the garage outside who like you got my dad no my dad and his friends they would and then they got a moose in the garage i just remember watching guts fall out and i just like oh i can't go oh my god

00:42:46Guest:They're so big.

00:42:48Guest:Huge.

00:42:48Guest:They would have it on a winch that would take a motor out of a car, which was just hanging there.

00:42:54Marc:I remember seeing moose when I lived in Alaska when I was a kid.

00:42:57Marc:I lived in Alaska.

00:42:57Guest:Whereabouts?

00:42:58Marc:Anchorage.

00:43:00Marc:I was little, though.

00:43:01Marc:It was like 69 through 71.

00:43:03Marc:A couple years, my dad was in the service.

00:43:05Marc:And I remember us walking outside and coming face to face with a bull moose about like 25 feet, 30 feet away.

00:43:12Marc:Just that stare down where you're like, what's going to happen?

00:43:14Marc:Well, what happens?

00:43:16Marc:Yeah, nothing happened.

00:43:17Marc:But they're intense animals.

00:43:19Guest:They look wild.

00:43:20Guest:When they're all fired up, when they're all horny, that's when you really, something would have happened.

00:43:25Guest:Yeah?

00:43:25Guest:Yeah, but when they're not all horned up.

00:43:26Guest:Was there a lot of them around where you live?

00:43:28Guest:Yeah, we'd see them all the time.

00:43:29Guest:Caribou too?

00:43:31Guest:Not so much caribou.

00:43:33Guest:Bear, deer, moose.

00:43:35Guest:Moose.

00:43:36Guest:Yeah.

00:43:36Guest:So what'd you end up shooting when you were a kid?

00:43:39Guest:What did it end up?

00:43:39Guest:Missing?

00:43:40Guest:Yeah.

00:43:40Guest:You never hit nothing?

00:43:41Guest:I never hit anything.

00:43:43Guest:It just...

00:43:44Marc:I killed a bird once, not even for hunting, just for fucking bullshit, and I never really recovered from it.

00:43:50Marc:It just broke a little part of my heart, and it just stays that way if I think about it.

00:43:55Marc:Just on purpose killing a pigeon for no fucking reason with a pellet gun, just because I was with some other kid who was like, do it, and I did it.

00:44:03Marc:And he didn't.

00:44:04Marc:No, he did it.

00:44:05Marc:He was a sociopath.

00:44:06Marc:Yeah.

00:44:07Guest:Yeah, absolutely.

00:44:09Guest:I completely expected it.

00:44:10Guest:Kenny Ringland.

00:44:11Marc:I remember him.

00:44:11Guest:Oh, you do?

00:44:12Guest:Yeah, I remember that social time.

00:44:13Marc:There's always one guy, right?

00:44:14Marc:Let's set something on fire.

00:44:16Guest:Let's set something on fire, preferably a dog.

00:44:19Guest:Those guys.

00:44:19Guest:And they're like, no thanks.

00:44:21Marc:Let's put a firecracker in a frog's ass.

00:44:23Guest:Oh, that guy.

00:44:24Marc:Yeah, it takes a lot to do that.

00:44:25Guest:And they'd just whip frogs like they were Frisbees?

00:44:29Marc:I hated those guys.

00:44:30Marc:The little frogs?

00:44:32Guest:I don't like this.

00:44:33Marc:After a baseball game, we had these things, and why am I telling you this?

00:44:37Marc:I don't know, man.

00:44:38Marc:I just saw, like, yeah, we had these ditches in Albuquerque, these arroyos, these carved concrete ditches for water runoff, and there was one right behind where we played Little League baseball, and there was little teeny frogs in there, and there was just some kid that was picking up the frogs and just fucking throwing them against the concrete.

00:44:55Marc:What is the thrill in that?

00:44:59Marc:Nothing happens other than something dies.

00:45:02Guest:What's going on outside of that?

00:45:04Guest:What makes you fine with that?

00:45:06Guest:To kill things.

00:45:07Marc:I understand hunting.

00:45:09Marc:I'm sure that you guys ate the moose for a year.

00:45:12Marc:He shared it with his friends.

00:45:13Marc:You cut it up.

00:45:14Marc:You froze it.

00:45:15Marc:And you ate it.

00:45:15Marc:Right.

00:45:16Guest:That's different than just smashing frogs.

00:45:18Marc:Yeah, or just killing a pigeon for no reason.

00:45:20Guest:I remember walking along the train tracks one day, and there was a gardener snake on the train, and I'd just seen it.

00:45:26Guest:And then we walked by these local tufts, and then on the way back, the snake was just gutted, and matches were hanging out of it.

00:45:34Guest:I remember, and I just remember, I'm like, uh-huh.

00:45:38Guest:And they kept moving.

00:45:40Marc:That was their party.

00:45:41Guest:They just had a good time.

00:45:42Guest:The worst.

00:45:43Guest:But I was just like, where do they get all those matches?

00:45:45Marc:that's what you wanted the matches train tracks walking along train tracks up there in northern canada west or south what is it what part would that be northern northwest northwest northwest that sounds great to me just like just tracks of rain tracks forever big trees around yes hanging out yeah big gray sky with clouds and when it was sunny it was so good the rain would outnumber the sun so hard

00:46:10Guest:How many siblings you got?

00:46:11Guest:I have a sister.

00:46:12Guest:She still lives up there.

00:46:12Guest:She lives in a smaller town now.

00:46:14Guest:She's a teacher in a little Indian village called Hazleton, British Columbia.

00:46:18Marc:With indigenous people?

00:46:19Marc:Yes.

00:46:20Marc:That's noble and good.

00:46:22Guest:Yeah, she's a good person.

00:46:23Guest:Seems like it.

00:46:24Guest:And that, you think, where I grew up was beautiful, but there, it's way, it's- What's it further north?

00:46:30Guest:A little further north.

00:46:30Guest:Only about two and a half hours north.

00:46:32Marc:So what the fuck did you do up there as a teenager?

00:46:35Guest:Did you- Played hockey.

00:46:36Guest:Oh, that was it?

00:46:37Guest:Yeah, we played hockey.

00:46:38Guest:In the summer, we dreamed about playing hockey.

00:46:40Guest:the shortest baseball season ever yeah it started in may and it ended june you know it was just one of those yeah right so when when i actually got to hear about uh uh actual baseball i'm like 160 games what i played 12 and it's over yeah the the entire season is the actual series world series of canada but you play you were a hockey guy

00:47:05Marc:You have to be, right, in Canada?

00:47:07Guest:It's a law, right?

00:47:07Guest:You either ski or you play hockey.

00:47:11Guest:Yeah.

00:47:12Guest:And we took skiing in school.

00:47:15Guest:It was actually one of those.

00:47:16Guest:A class?

00:47:17Guest:Yeah.

00:47:17Marc:Would you just walk out and there was snow to ski on?

00:47:20Guest:Yeah.

00:47:20Guest:We were really close to a mountain.

00:47:22Guest:Really?

00:47:22Guest:Yeah, it was really.

00:47:23Guest:So you know how to ski?

00:47:24Guest:Get some kale.

00:47:25Guest:Yeah.

00:47:26Guest:Actually, Aspen, I don't know if you remember this.

00:47:29Guest:I don't know.

00:47:29Guest:I was in Aspen with you.

00:47:30Guest:Yeah.

00:47:31Guest:I've seen you ski before.

00:47:32Guest:Yeah, I can ski.

00:47:32Guest:I've seen you ski in jeans.

00:47:33Guest:Yeah.

00:47:34Guest:Yeah.

00:47:34Guest:Aren't you supposed to?

00:47:35Guest:I loved it.

00:47:36Guest:It was cool.

00:47:36Guest:You reminded my friend Gene Scare.

00:47:37Guest:I'm like, that's Gene Scare.

00:47:38Marc:No, it's Marin.

00:47:40Marc:Yeah, I mean, I think I can still put him on and ski.

00:47:43Marc:I mean, I did all right, right?

00:47:45Marc:I think everybody else was snowboarding and you were skiing.

00:47:48Marc:Correct.

00:47:48Marc:Was Mishnah there?

00:47:49Marc:Yes.

00:47:50Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:47:50Marc:I remember that.

00:47:51Marc:Yeah.

00:47:52Marc:Yeah.

00:47:52Marc:She was like, I tried to snowboard to take a lesson or two and not for me.

00:47:58Marc:Yeah.

00:47:58Marc:I'm too old to get those things going, but I like to throw on the skis.

00:48:01Marc:You can hurt your hips pretty easy.

00:48:02Marc:Wow.

00:48:02Marc:What year was that?

00:48:03Marc:That was the end of it.

00:48:04Marc:That was the year that- That was the last one, I think.

00:48:06Marc:Yeah.

00:48:06Marc:That was the last one for my marriage too.

00:48:08Marc:Really?

00:48:08Marc:Yeah, man.

00:48:10Marc:Yeah.

00:48:10Marc:Was it the festival that ruined the marriage?

00:48:12Marc:Partly.

00:48:14Marc:It was like me telling that story.

00:48:16Marc:Like I did that show, the storytelling show.

00:48:19Marc:I don't remember.

00:48:19Marc:Was it The Moth or something live?

00:48:22Marc:And I told the story about getting in a fight with her, and she got so embarrassed and hated me.

00:48:27Marc:That was it.

00:48:27Guest:Fuck that.

00:48:28Marc:That was the end of it, dude.

00:48:30Marc:It's all right.

00:48:30Marc:Yeah, it's turned out very well for you.

00:48:32Marc:I'm going to be honest with you.

00:48:33Marc:So, okay, so you're in Canada.

00:48:36Marc:Yes.

00:48:36Marc:And playing hockey, but what kind of trouble did you get into up there?

00:48:40Marc:Did you have shitty friends and drive around?

00:48:42Guest:Yeah.

00:48:43Marc:Did you have a truck?

00:48:44Marc:What did you have?

00:48:44Guest:Yeah, we did have it.

00:48:45Guest:We had a pickup truck.

00:48:47Guest:I'm not pressuring you if you don't have it in you.

00:48:49Guest:No, no, we got a truck.

00:48:52Guest:I talked to...

00:48:54Guest:I talked to a couple friends that are rich enough that they've started car collections now.

00:48:58Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:48:59Guest:And it's quite annoying.

00:49:00Guest:I can't.

00:49:01Guest:And then they go, what would you have?

00:49:02Guest:And I'm like, F-150s.

00:49:03Guest:I'd collect F-150 pickup trucks.

00:49:05Guest:Yeah, right.

00:49:06Guest:Yeah, I remember those.

00:49:08Guest:Cool, yeah.

00:49:08Marc:Car collection people.

00:49:10Guest:Yeah.

00:49:10Guest:I guess, I mean.

00:49:12Guest:That's when you have too much money.

00:49:13Guest:What do you mean, like Corolla?

00:49:14Guest:Corolla.

00:49:15Guest:Yeah.

00:49:15Guest:Gabriel Iglesias.

00:49:16Marc:Oh, he's collecting cars too?

00:49:17Guest:He's got VW vans.

00:49:19Guest:He likes them?

00:49:19Guest:Yeah, he loves them.

00:49:20Guest:He's like the first VW bug that came to America.

00:49:24Guest:Really?

00:49:24Guest:Yeah.

00:49:25Guest:That's an odd thing.

00:49:26Marc:Yeah.

00:49:26Marc:I think I'll stick with records.

00:49:28Marc:Oh.

00:49:28Marc:Yeah, it just seems like I don't need to buy property to house my collection yet.

00:49:32Marc:Right.

00:49:33Marc:I don't need to buy a warehouse.

00:49:35Marc:Yeah, you don't need that.

00:49:35Marc:I guess if you have a good time having a couple cars, it's fine.

00:49:38Marc:I was just thinking about that this morning.

00:49:39Marc:How many can you drive?

00:49:41Marc:Well, I think it seems reasonable to me that if you got one that you like to drive day to day, then you got one if you like to go up in the hills and drive around.

00:49:48Marc:And then if you got one that's like a sports car that you can't drive anywhere except late at night.

00:49:52Marc:Right.

00:49:53Marc:I think that's the way to go.

00:49:54Marc:And maybe you have a family car.

00:49:55Marc:You don't want that.

00:49:57Marc:But I think like max, if you're being indulgent, max three cars.

00:50:06Marc:oh that's what i'm saying that's yeah sports car day-to-day car uh drive around in the mountains car yeah yeah that seems reasonable for a rich person but when you're sort of like i have nine of these it's like what it's like people with guitars nine of one specific one right and that's like i'm doing that with records now i got three copies of uh certain records i just bought five copies of a dylan record because i just didn't want to lose it and i want to make sure i have it

00:50:29Guest:Now you got to build something to keep all the, you got to keep this.

00:50:33Guest:You saw that, right?

00:50:33Guest:Yeah, but you need a vault or something.

00:50:35Guest:Nah.

00:50:36Guest:Yes.

00:50:37Marc:Oh, see?

00:50:38Marc:Now I'm building property.

00:50:40Marc:I love it.

00:50:40Marc:So you had a truck, you're running around, playing hockey, drinking beer.

00:50:44Guest:Yes, a lot of drinking beer.

00:50:45Guest:Are you still drinking?

00:50:47Guest:I drink once in a while.

00:50:47Guest:Yeah.

00:50:48Guest:And my recovery rate is not very good.

00:50:50Guest:Not anymore?

00:50:50Marc:I don't know about you.

00:50:51Marc:No, I haven't drank 20 years almost.

00:50:53Marc:But nothing?

00:50:54Marc:Nothing.

00:50:55Marc:Zero.

00:50:56Marc:Sober as fuck.

00:50:57Guest:No weed.

00:50:57Guest:No weed?

00:50:58Guest:Nothing.

00:50:58Guest:Because I used to smoke pot with you.

00:51:00Guest:Yeah.

00:51:00Guest:Did we?

00:51:01Guest:Yeah.

00:51:01Guest:When was that?

00:51:02Guest:When did that happen?

00:51:04Guest:I remember.

00:51:06Guest:Tell me more about us.

00:51:07Guest:Tell me more.

00:51:08Guest:Let me remember about us.

00:51:10Guest:I remember you would take me outside the comic strip.

00:51:12Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:51:14Guest:Yeah.

00:51:14Guest:With my dumb one hitter.

00:51:15Guest:Yeah.

00:51:16Guest:Hey, come with me.

00:51:17Guest:And I'm like, all right.

00:51:19Marc:My little wooden box and my one hitter.

00:51:21Guest:Yeah.

00:51:23Guest:Yeah.

00:51:23Marc:Because I needed people I knew smoke.

00:51:25Guest:I didn't even smoke.

00:51:26Guest:I just wanted to be around you, you dick.

00:51:30Marc:So what was the plan, man?

00:51:32Marc:So you're up there in Canada.

00:51:34Guest:I'm up there in Canada.

00:51:35Guest:I'm just hanging out with my buddies.

00:51:36Guest:I end up in Australia.

00:51:37Guest:My mom's Australian, so I end up in Australia for a year and a bit.

00:51:41Guest:Really?

00:51:42Guest:Just touring, like wandering around Australia.

00:51:44Guest:This is what, in high school?

00:51:45Guest:After high school.

00:51:46Guest:Did you go to college?

00:51:48Guest:I started and didn't finish.

00:51:49Marc:So you went right after high school.

00:51:51Marc:You had family in Australia.

00:51:53Guest:Yeah.

00:51:54Guest:So right after high school, my grandma got sick.

00:51:56Guest:We all ended up going over there because she ended up passing away.

00:51:58Guest:I stayed.

00:52:00Guest:So I came home a year and a half later.

00:52:02Marc:What did you do over there?

00:52:04Guest:I just got random jobs.

00:52:05Guest:And my mom had started a fund for me when I was a child to do something after high school.

00:52:12Guest:Oh, really?

00:52:12Guest:So I had this money that was enough to keep me going around Australia for a year and a half.

00:52:17Guest:Did you go to the middle?

00:52:18Guest:I did not make it to the middle, but hung out at the top on both sides.

00:52:22Guest:Went to the bottom.

00:52:23Guest:Didn't get to Tasmania either.

00:52:24Guest:Really?

00:52:25Guest:For a year and a half, you didn't go to the middle?

00:52:26Guest:I would just stick in little towns.

00:52:29Marc:Isn't there something in the middle?

00:52:30Guest:There is.

00:52:30Guest:There's a big red rock or something like that.

00:52:33Marc:You think it's a big red mystical rock?

00:52:35Guest:I grew up in Terrace.

00:52:36Guest:We had rocks before.

00:52:37Guest:But that's a sacred rock.

00:52:39Guest:Yeah, it was going to be hot, though.

00:52:41Guest:It was going to be too hot.

00:52:42Guest:Did you see any big bugs?

00:52:43Guest:Oh, I've seen so many big bugs.

00:52:45Guest:Really?

00:52:45Guest:Yeah.

00:52:47Guest:My uncle had a farm, a tomato farm, and I stayed there for a month.

00:52:51Guest:Yeah.

00:52:51Guest:Didn't see one tomato blossom, then realized years later he was growing weed.

00:52:57Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:52:58Marc:Oh, really?

00:52:59Marc:Yeah.

00:52:59Marc:Did you double check with him?

00:53:01Marc:Did you get confirmation?

00:53:02Guest:Yeah, I got.

00:53:02Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:03Guest:He didn't tell you.

00:53:04Guest:With his kids, I got away with his kids.

00:53:05Guest:Yeah, we didn't have a tomato farm.

00:53:06Guest:It was pot, man.

00:53:08Guest:So you're too young to realize I was I was pretty naive.

00:53:12Guest:You know, we smoked pot.

00:53:14Guest:Also, where I grew up, it was a hash town.

00:53:16Guest:It wasn't.

00:53:17Marc:That's interesting.

00:53:18Marc:Yeah.

00:53:18Marc:Like certain parts of Europe and I guess Canada was hash.

00:53:21Guest:I think it was because there was a port and I think they used to smuggle it.

00:53:25Guest:From China or that side?

00:53:26Guest:Wherever.

00:53:28Marc:Because hash was nothing.

00:53:29Marc:I never saw hash when I was a kid, but like in Europe, hash was everywhere.

00:53:32Marc:They'd mix it with tobacco.

00:53:34Marc:Tobacco.

00:53:34Marc:Yeah, but when I was growing up, I didn't see.

00:53:37Marc:If someone had hash, you're like, no, it's not.

00:53:39Marc:Really?

00:53:39Guest:That's not real hash.

00:53:40Guest:What?

00:53:40Guest:I just remember almost like every kid had a block of it for some unknown reason, and it would just take forever.

00:53:48Guest:We designed different things to smoke it.

00:53:50Guest:Yeah, like what?

00:53:51Guest:Knives.

00:53:52Guest:Knives were big in our town.

00:53:53Guest:So get it under the glass?

00:53:55Guest:How would you do it?

00:53:56Guest:So you stick the knives into the electric stove burners on top.

00:54:00Guest:Yeah.

00:54:00Guest:You heat them up until they're nice and red.

00:54:03Guest:Yeah.

00:54:04Guest:Wow.

00:54:04Guest:And then you take a two liter pop bottle.

00:54:06Guest:Yeah.

00:54:07Guest:Cut it in half.

00:54:07Guest:Yeah.

00:54:08Guest:And then you poke holes in the bottom.

00:54:10Guest:Flip it upside down.

00:54:11Guest:Put ice in it.

00:54:13Guest:Put ice in it?

00:54:13Guest:Yeah.

00:54:13Guest:That way it cools down the smoke.

00:54:15Guest:I have no idea.

00:54:16Guest:Yeah.

00:54:17Guest:And then you just, you know, like basically.

00:54:18Guest:I don't understand how.

00:54:19Guest:It kind of looked like, you know, yeah.

00:54:22Marc:So the smoke would come up.

00:54:23Marc:So you'd put the hot hash.

00:54:25Guest:On the knife.

00:54:26Guest:On the knife.

00:54:27Guest:Boom.

00:54:27Guest:Right underneath the bottle.

00:54:28Guest:Right.

00:54:29Guest:Smoke goes up.

00:54:30Guest:I get it.

00:54:31Guest:Oh, okay.

00:54:31Guest:Suck it all in.

00:54:31Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:54:33Marc:Well, that's exciting.

00:54:34Guest:Yeah.

00:54:34Guest:And then that's what we do.

00:54:36Guest:We'd go to Frank's Field.

00:54:38Guest:Yeah.

00:54:39Guest:And we'd- Smoke the hash?

00:54:40Guest:No, we'd smoke the hash.

00:54:41Guest:Then go drink at Frank's Field.

00:54:43Yeah.

00:54:43Guest:That's a good night out.

00:54:44Guest:Oh, it was the best night out.

00:54:46Guest:And where I grew up.

00:54:47Guest:What's Frank's Field?

00:54:49Guest:Frank's Field was just a field that Frank owned.

00:54:53Guest:Yeah.

00:54:54Guest:It had a sand, like a big, you know, gravel pit in it.

00:54:56Guest:Yeah.

00:54:57Guest:So we'd just hang out there.

00:54:57Guest:The kids, everybody knew where the kids were.

00:54:59Guest:Right, right.

00:55:00Guest:You know, one guy would drive off once a year and get lost in the forest.

00:55:03Guest:Oh, is that true?

00:55:04Guest:Yeah, we'd lose him, but, you know, it was always one guy.

00:55:07Guest:Never get him again.

00:55:08Guest:Yeah, never get him again, and nobody really missed him.

00:55:10Guest:So...

00:55:12Marc:but yeah yeah but it was the sun wouldn't you mustn't from alaska you must know the sun wouldn't go down i kind of remember that and then it was dark for a long time too right very dark for a long time you said no sense of time just a never-ending day yeah that you had to fill oh you'd just be confused did we go to school already the same day terrible it's just it's gonna start again

00:55:33Marc:It's an hour.

00:55:35Marc:Long days, but short baseball season.

00:55:37Marc:So in Australia, when did you start thinking about, like, what was your plan to do with your life?

00:55:43Guest:I wanted to do stand-up from when I was very young.

00:55:47Guest:But I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and nobody was in entertainment.

00:55:50Guest:Sure.

00:55:50Guest:A couple guys broke out and made it to the NHL.

00:55:53Guest:Right.

00:55:54Guest:But it was foreign.

00:55:56Guest:Nobody came there.

00:55:57Guest:But you didn't have the goods to be an NHL player?

00:56:02Guest:No.

00:56:02Guest:I was good until I was about 15.

00:56:04Guest:Yeah.

00:56:05Guest:And then I remember I went to a camp where I had to fight a grown man with, with a beard.

00:56:12Guest:And he just, he shit kicked me for what seemed like on the ice.

00:56:18Guest:Yeah.

00:56:19Guest:Yeah.

00:56:19Guest:I had to fight.

00:56:21Guest:Like I was going to junior, which was basically college.

00:56:25Guest:I was 16 and I was going a year early.

00:56:27Guest:So it was basically 16 to 20.

00:56:30Guest:I think there's overage kids that can play that are 20.

00:56:32Guest:yeah and this guy was 20 and i remember it was for i want to say for the abbotsford flyers was the thing that i was going for and and i just remember this guy just just kept punching me in the face and i just i just like i don't like this that was the end of your career yeah i was just i'm like nothing to do with hockey well well i guess you know you've got the drive yeah you got the drive and i just didn't have the drive but that's just part of hockey getting your shit beat out of you

00:56:56Guest:Yeah, I wasn't a finesse player.

00:56:58Guest:I was a big boy getting guys out in front of the net.

00:57:01Guest:I was a defenseman.

00:57:04Guest:You're getting into it.

00:57:06Marc:But it just seems like I watched that Jay Baruchel movie.

00:57:09Marc:The Goon.

00:57:10Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:57:10Guest:People beating the fuck out of each other.

00:57:12Guest:Yeah.

00:57:13Guest:Yeah, watch Ice Guardians and learn about the real side of it.

00:57:18Guest:Oh, yeah?

00:57:19Guest:Yeah, it's a documentary, and it's got all the fighters.

00:57:21Guest:He just loves that shit.

00:57:23Guest:It's the best.

00:57:23Guest:Do you know him, Jay?

00:57:24Guest:I think I met him once, but not close at all.

00:57:27Marc:He's in show business, but he just lives up there.

00:57:29Marc:He likes being up there, watching the hockey, being a Canadian.

00:57:32Marc:Good for him.

00:57:33Marc:Good for him.

00:57:34Marc:He's in a city, though.

00:57:36Guest:I was like, okay, if I'm getting a show business, my parents live nowhere near the city.

00:57:41Guest:My family's nowhere near the city.

00:57:42Guest:I'm continuing.

00:57:43Guest:I'm going to America.

00:57:45Marc:Right.

00:57:46Marc:Were there other expectations?

00:57:49Marc:Were you going to get a job?

00:57:51Guest:When I got back from Australia, I kind of floated for about six months, and then I ended up working with a blasting company, an explosives company.

00:58:00Guest:Yeah.

00:58:00Guest:So I started at the bottom.

00:58:02Guest:I was just a swamper.

00:58:06Guest:What is that?

00:58:08Guest:It's the lowest of the low.

00:58:09Guest:I would just grab sticks of dynamite, big boxes of dynamite, and take them from the magazine, which is the area that they kept them, and load the truck with these boxes of how many ever sticks of dynamite they needed.

00:58:21Marc:Okay.

00:58:22Marc:So it wasn't like you're out there like, just go a little closer.

00:58:25Guest:No, no, it wasn't that bad.

00:58:27Guest:Yeah.

00:58:28Guest:Yeah.

00:58:28Guest:And then, uh, and then, uh, from there they asked me if I wanted to learn how to drive the truck that delivered the dynamite.

00:58:34Guest:And I was like, okay.

00:58:35Guest:Yeah.

00:58:35Guest:So I started delivering dynamite.

00:58:37Guest:And then from there they're like, do you want to work in a gold mine?

00:58:39Guest:yeah so i ended up working in a gold mine blasting shit yeah blowing stuff up uh it was open pit mining so we were just we were building roads and just kind of down the sides and yeah just and i i loved it it was awesome to blow shit up yeah that's good you're not hurting anybody i was yeah i was 20 21 years old just just light and dynamite light and dynamite and they gave me my own pickup truck yeah yeah and then there was it was uh near um

00:59:04Guest:Hider, Alaska?

00:59:05Guest:Have you ever heard of that?

00:59:06Guest:I don't know.

00:59:06Guest:So there's a little unmanned Alaskan town, unmanned, unmanned border where there's this Alaskan town because you can't go anywhere in America.

00:59:16Guest:And there was glaciers.

00:59:18Guest:Take it down from there.

00:59:19Guest:Yeah.

00:59:19Guest:So there's glaciers in there and we were working on the glacier at this gold mine and then we'd just go down and get drunk in Hider every night and it was... Well, what do you do on a glacier gold mine?

00:59:29Marc:What do you mean you just open... What are you blowing up?

00:59:32Marc:Is it in a hole or...

00:59:32Guest:No, it's open pits.

00:59:34Guest:So we're building bigger holes, but we're not going into the thing.

00:59:38Guest:There's enough gold to be found around.

00:59:41Guest:So it's where we were.

00:59:43Guest:It's probably where the glacier had already been through.

00:59:47Guest:So there was lots of- Did you find gold?

00:59:49Guest:We were never, because I was on the blasting team.

00:59:53Marc:So we were never- You couldn't identify it?

00:59:55Guest:No.

00:59:55Marc:The next crew got in and they found the gold?

00:59:58Guest:I'm sure they walked away with it.

00:59:59Guest:You just made rubble?

01:00:00Guest:Yeah.

01:00:01Guest:we just made a lot of rubble it was awesome but i i loved it so much i was headed off to school to uh become an explosives engineer that's what i wanted to do so yeah and then i i got to vancouver and um i tried an open mic and i had only been in school for maybe two weeks and i said well looks like i'm not going back i'm a that's interesting so uh i think there's some sort of similarity there in the uh feeling

01:00:27Marc:You know, like the satisfaction of blowing something up and then the satisfaction of getting laughed.

01:00:32Marc:Yeah.

01:00:33Marc:There's got to be something similar about that.

01:00:35Marc:I would say, yeah, I would say.

01:00:37Marc:I mean, it's not, you don't see the same amount of destruction, but the rush of like, here, it's going to go.

01:00:42Marc:It's going to go.

01:00:42Guest:It's going to go.

01:00:43Guest:You knew it.

01:00:43Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:44Marc:And then like, here's the joke.

01:00:46Guest:Yeah.

01:00:47Guest:Yeah.

01:00:47Guest:And I just, I like that we were going to have an end, you know, with blowing things up.

01:00:54Guest:Like there's going to be something here.

01:00:55Guest:There's nothing here, but we're going to have something here.

01:00:57Guest:And I stand up a lot like that.

01:00:58Guest:There's nothing here, but I'm going to build it.

01:01:00Guest:Yeah.

01:01:01Guest:My words are going to build it.

01:01:02Guest:Yeah.

01:01:02Marc:Right.

01:01:03Marc:You go, you show up, there's the mountain.

01:01:05Marc:It's like wreck it.

01:01:06Marc:Yeah.

01:01:07Marc:Just wreck it.

01:01:07Marc:Let's take it down.

01:01:08Marc:How did you know you wanted to do it?

01:01:10Guest:How did I know?

01:01:10Guest:Jonathan Winters when I was a kid.

01:01:12Guest:Oh yeah.

01:01:12Guest:Yeah.

01:01:13Guest:Jonathan Winters.

01:01:13Guest:I just loved, I just, I didn't know something about it.

01:01:16Guest:I just couldn't stop imagining what he was imagining.

01:01:19Guest:And you're kind of a riff guy.

01:01:20Marc:I mean, you're not an improviser.

01:01:21Marc:You're, you're a crowd work guy sometimes.

01:01:24Guest:Um, I like to, I like to have a conversation and I like to let it go where it goes.

01:01:28Guest:And I like to, I like to.

01:01:29Guest:But you don't go off in characters really.

01:01:31Guest:No, a little bit, but not too, you know.

01:01:35Guest:I'll make up their story.

01:01:36Guest:They give me a little bit of information and then I'll make up their story.

01:01:39Guest:That's the way I like to do it.

01:01:40Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:01:40Marc:So you're inspired by Winters.

01:01:42Marc:Winters.

01:01:42Marc:You knew that comedy was something people did.

01:01:46Guest:I knew it was something that there was somebody out there, but I was also from the middle of nowhere.

01:01:52Guest:So show business to me was an Archie comic.

01:01:54Guest:Right.

01:01:55Guest:You were walking down the street and a guy in a limo came flying by and said, you should be in a movie.

01:01:58Guest:Right.

01:01:58Guest:Sure.

01:01:59Guest:That's how I thought it worked.

01:02:00Guest:I'm like, well, nobody's ever going to come up here in a limo.

01:02:02Marc:Right.

01:02:02Marc:I think a lot of people think that's how it works still.

01:02:04Marc:Still to this day.

01:02:06Guest:Someone's going to discover me.

01:02:07Guest:So, yeah.

01:02:09Guest:And then as I went into my teenage years, it was Sam Kinison and Eddie Murphy.

01:02:15Guest:Yeah.

01:02:17Guest:Screaming on the tundra.

01:02:18Guest:Yeah.

01:02:18Guest:Screaming on the tundra, but just teaching you that there's no limits.

01:02:22Guest:Oh, that's for sure.

01:02:23Guest:Yeah.

01:02:25Guest:Right.

01:02:25Guest:Take it anywhere.

01:02:26Guest:I think that's true.

01:02:27Marc:I think that's true about Sam.

01:02:28Marc:Yeah.

01:02:28Marc:And yeah, Eddie too, I guess, on some level.

01:02:31Guest:Eddie was just, I don't know what it was.

01:02:33Guest:What, Raw?

01:02:33Guest:Yeah, Raw.

01:02:35Guest:Was that the special?

01:02:37Guest:Was that the one?

01:02:37Guest:I remember it was on a cassette tape, and it was just, we'd burn it, and we'd all take it.

01:02:42Marc:In the leather outfit?

01:02:42Guest:Oh, you just said.

01:02:43Guest:I had no idea.

01:02:44Guest:Oh.

01:02:44Marc:Yeah.

01:02:45Marc:Yeah.

01:02:46Marc:With Sam, you were sort of like, holy shit.

01:02:48Guest:Yeah.

01:02:49Marc:Yeah, it's just mind-blowing.

01:02:50Guest:Yeah, it was something, nothing.

01:02:52Guest:Nothing sacred.

01:02:53Guest:And then, of course, same time as Jonathan Winters, Bill Cosby was another one that painted a picture.

01:02:59Guest:Not a good picture now.

01:03:00Guest:Not a good picture now.

01:03:01Guest:It was a horrible picture.

01:03:02Guest:Yeah, it's terrible.

01:03:02Guest:Yeah, you scrape it away a little bit, you realize.

01:03:04Marc:That's the fucked up thing about it.

01:03:05Marc:It's harder to separate him from the monster.

01:03:08Guest:Yeah.

01:03:08Marc:But I know what you're saying.

01:03:10Marc:Yeah.

01:03:11Marc:As a young comic, before we knew what he was up to at that time.

01:03:14Marc:Yeah, well, we didn't know.

01:03:15Marc:Of course not.

01:03:16Marc:That there was something to be learned.

01:03:20Marc:Right.

01:03:20Marc:Stand-up wise.

01:03:21Marc:Yeah.

01:03:22Marc:But so you're in Vancouver.

01:03:23Marc:So how do you know to do it there?

01:03:24Guest:Did you?

01:03:25Guest:I...

01:03:28Guest:I remember talking to a guy and he said, oh, you've never been to a comedy club?

01:03:33Guest:Yeah.

01:03:34Guest:I have a friend that goes on at a comedy club.

01:03:36Guest:Oh, yeah?

01:03:37Guest:Do you want to go see him?

01:03:38Guest:And I was like, yeah, I want to go see him.

01:03:39Guest:This is like your first day of school?

01:03:41Guest:Yeah.

01:03:41Guest:You're at college, first couple weeks of college?

01:03:44Guest:I was there before.

01:03:45Guest:You had a friend in Vancouver?

01:03:48Guest:Yeah.

01:03:51Guest:Because I just had a couple friends down there.

01:03:52Guest:And so he's like, yeah.

01:03:54Yeah.

01:03:54Guest:Cause he was like, you're going to do that.

01:03:56Guest:And he goes, well, was there anything else you want to do?

01:03:57Guest:And I said, or be a standup.

01:03:59Guest:Yeah.

01:03:59Guest:You know?

01:04:00Guest:And he's like, me being stupid.

01:04:02Guest:Oh yeah.

01:04:03Guest:I have a friend that does that.

01:04:05Guest:I'm like, you do?

01:04:05Guest:And who was the guy?

01:04:06Guest:Do you know?

01:04:07Guest:Uh, still doing it.

01:04:09Guest:Uh, Gary, Gary, Jerry owns, Jerry owns.

01:04:11Guest:Yeah.

01:04:12Guest:Yeah.

01:04:12Guest:Yeah, he had a guitar.

01:04:13Guest:So you don't know if he's still doing it.

01:04:14Guest:I don't know if he's still alive.

01:04:16Guest:He was really old then.

01:04:18Guest:So you go down and watch a show?

01:04:19Guest:We'll go down and watch a show, and I see a couple local comics, and this guy from Toronto, Evan Carter, and he makes me laugh.

01:04:26Guest:And then I'm walking out, and I see this thing that says, Open Mic Contest.

01:04:32Guest:And I'm like, oh.

01:04:34Guest:I'm going to come back and do that.

01:04:36Guest:Oh, really?

01:04:37Guest:Did you freak out, though?

01:04:38Guest:Were you like, no, I've got to write some jokes?

01:04:39Guest:Well, yeah.

01:04:40Guest:So it took me a couple months before I even did it.

01:04:44Guest:And then when I got there, I had written the jokes on my hand.

01:04:47Guest:So many handwriters.

01:04:49Guest:But they weren't there when I went for them.

01:04:51Guest:They sweated off.

01:04:52Guest:Oh, yeah, they sweated off.

01:04:53Guest:So I just did impressions of fish.

01:04:56Guest:I remember doing that.

01:04:57Guest:Yeah.

01:04:57Guest:And I didn't, once again, I was still in that phase of, well, somebody in a limo is going to pick me up.

01:05:03Guest:Sure.

01:05:04Guest:For your fish impressions.

01:05:05Guest:Yeah, for my fish impressions.

01:05:06Guest:It's going to be fantastic.

01:05:07Guest:I'm going to do all the cruise ships.

01:05:10Guest:But I thought, oh, well, I guess that was it.

01:05:14Guest:That was my big shot.

01:05:16Guest:And the manager happened to walk by and say, you should come back next week.

01:05:20Guest:And I was like, oh, is that how it works?

01:05:21Guest:Okay, I'll come back next week.

01:05:22Guest:So it just started.

01:05:23Marc:You thought that was it.

01:05:24Marc:You didn't win the contest.

01:05:25Marc:Yeah.

01:05:25Guest:I guess you're out.

01:05:26Guest:That's what I thought.

01:05:27Guest:I thought, oh, I guess I'm done.

01:05:29Marc:It's hard to know.

01:05:29Marc:I guess if I think about it, when do you learn what the work is?

01:05:34Marc:Right.

01:05:35Marc:You know what I mean?

01:05:35Marc:When do you learn, like, oh, I got to build five minutes.

01:05:38Marc:I got to be able to consistently make people laugh.

01:05:40Marc:I got to keep coming back and learning how to do this.

01:05:42Marc:Yeah.

01:05:43Marc:I don't know how that happens.

01:05:44Marc:Yeah.

01:05:44Marc:But I guess it really is just about a guy going like, yeah, you got to come back next week.

01:05:49Marc:It is luck.

01:05:50Marc:Yeah.

01:05:50Marc:And then talk to some other comics and they're like, no, no, dude, you got to get stage time as much as you can.

01:05:54Guest:Yeah.

01:05:54Guest:And then you just kind of give you a little bit of hints and you're like, oh, because I remember...

01:05:59Guest:A guy named Craig Campbell.

01:06:01Guest:I don't know if you remember him from Vancouver.

01:06:03Guest:He ended up living in England.

01:06:04Guest:And a guy named Tom Stade.

01:06:05Guest:I don't know other Canadian guys.

01:06:08Guest:Most of them end up in England.

01:06:10Guest:I know Brett Butt.

01:06:12Guest:Yeah, he was around then.

01:06:13Guest:I didn't know him, but I think he was already established and going through.

01:06:18Guest:And Alan...

01:06:19Marc:Wasn't Alan Watt?

01:06:20Marc:Alan Watt, yeah.

01:06:21Marc:He was from Canada.

01:06:22Marc:He was from Toronto.

01:06:23Marc:And what's the other guy's name?

01:06:26Marc:Who's the long-haired guy?

01:06:28Marc:Norm MacDonald.

01:06:29Marc:No, no, he's got a beard and long hair.

01:06:31Marc:I can't remember his name.

01:06:33Marc:I met him the last time I met him.

01:06:34Marc:Oh, I don't know that guy.

01:06:35Marc:Mike Wilmot.

01:06:36Guest:Oh, Mike Wilmot.

01:06:37Guest:He's awesome.

01:06:38Guest:They were Toronto guys.

01:06:40Guest:Yeah.

01:06:40Guest:The guys that I started, they just kind of give you hints and you just kept going.

01:06:44Guest:You just kept, oh, okay, this is going.

01:06:45Guest:And then I remember Craig was going out to the Montreal Comedy Festival.

01:06:49Guest:He's like, you should come out.

01:06:50Guest:And I'm like, okay.

01:06:51Guest:because there was no shows around.

01:06:53Guest:I would jump into cars.

01:06:55Guest:Guys were going up to a place called Kamloops to do shows.

01:06:57Guest:It was five hours away, and I was on open mic, and I was like, can I just come up and do it?

01:07:02Guest:And they're like, yeah, come on.

01:07:03Guest:So I just go sit in a car for five hours to do three minutes in front of me.

01:07:06Guest:Sure, I remember doing that.

01:07:07Guest:Yeah, so it was awesome.

01:07:08Guest:Guest spot on a one-nighter.

01:07:12Guest:I remember thinking, I was like, this is so weird.

01:07:13Guest:They say, we got a special treat for you.

01:07:16Guest:I'm like, how am I a special treat for them?

01:07:18Guest:It's just a little weird addition.

01:07:19Guest:Yeah.

01:07:20Yeah.

01:07:21Guest:Here's something we hope doesn't ruin the show is what they should have been saying.

01:07:24Guest:Oh my God.

01:07:25Guest:Yeah.

01:07:25Marc:But you would have to drive like that.

01:07:27Marc:That's the weird thing.

01:07:27Marc:So there was a whole one nighter thing too in Canada where you drive forever and just like for like one show at a weird place.

01:07:35Marc:Weird people.

01:07:36Guest:Looks like the whole town is there.

01:07:37Guest:We'd take a ferry across the Vancouver Island to do those shows, and yeah, just for one night and then back again.

01:07:43Guest:It would take forever.

01:07:44Marc:What were they, like bars?

01:07:46Guest:Mm-hmm.

01:07:47Guest:Yeah.

01:07:48Guest:And there was like a booker in Vancouver that used to book them out?

01:07:50Guest:Yeah, he'd book them out, and then the guys would get, I guess...

01:07:55Guest:I can't remember.

01:07:55Guest:I guess the guys would get a certain amount of money and they had to bring a couple people with them, right?

01:08:00Guest:Oh, right.

01:08:00Guest:So they'd pick who they wanted to take with them.

01:08:02Guest:That was the way it worked?

01:08:03Guest:Yeah.

01:08:03Marc:The headliner?

01:08:04Guest:Yeah.

01:08:05Guest:And then there'd be the one headliner that didn't have a car and he'd pick the one guy that wasn't funny but had a car.

01:08:10Guest:Sure, of course.

01:08:10Guest:Yeah.

01:08:11Marc:The driver comic.

01:08:12Guest:Yeah.

01:08:13Marc:Yeah.

01:08:13Marc:You got to do 15, 20 to open and drive the guy.

01:08:16Guest:Yeah.

01:08:16Marc:Were you that guy?

01:08:17Guest:No, I never had a car.

01:08:18Guest:Oh.

01:08:19Marc:so you go to montreal so you tell me the first time you went to montreal is when i met you or no um 95 96 yep really and that changed everything yeah in terms of like how you saw comedy or what you were oh absolutely everything changed that that my whole life changed on that trip like i went from were you on new faces or something i was on nothing

01:08:41Guest:I was on nothing.

01:08:42Guest:You just went with some friends?

01:08:44Guest:I went with some friends.

01:08:45Guest:You met them there.

01:08:47Guest:I met them there and then left afterwards because I was dating this girl and she said, you got to come back now.

01:08:53Guest:We need to talk.

01:08:54Guest:And I was so... I was...

01:08:57Guest:I was probably about 22, but I was maybe 18 mentally.

01:09:02Guest:I was innocent.

01:09:03Guest:I was innocent.

01:09:04Guest:And she dumped me as soon as I got back.

01:09:06Guest:I was like, you could have told me.

01:09:07Guest:I was talking to her on the pay phone.

01:09:08Guest:I'm putting coins in.

01:09:09Guest:From Montreal?

01:09:10Guest:Yeah.

01:09:10Guest:She's like, you got to come back now.

01:09:11Guest:So I get in the car and hitchhike back to Vancouver.

01:09:14Guest:And she just dumps me.

01:09:15Guest:After the festival?

01:09:17Guest:Yeah.

01:09:17Guest:But it changed everything.

01:09:19Guest:What happened?

01:09:20Guest:Uh, the guy, Craig, this guy, Craig Campbell said to the guy, Jimbo, remember Jimbo?

01:09:26Guest:He said, Ian's real funny.

01:09:28Guest:You should put them on.

01:09:30Guest:And I was like, he's like, okay, well, if we have any spots, we'll put them on.

01:09:32Guest:And he said, hang out.

01:09:35Guest:Cause guys, it's so much going on.

01:09:37Guest:Guys are late and I need somebody to,

01:09:38Guest:yeah so that's what happened and lucian hold happened to see me huh and just randomly and came over and started talking to me and wanted to know everything about me and he said if you're ever in new york i want to put you on stage the comic strip yeah the comic strip and i was like okay and thinking nothing of it i was like well i got a place to go on stage in new york but when am i going to go to new york like yeah you're gonna have to make that point

01:10:03Marc:But yeah, that's the other thing that opens up.

01:10:05Marc:Sort of like, oh, you gotta go to places where the comedy's happening.

01:10:09Marc:But Jimbo, he just threw you up?

01:10:12Marc:Yep.

01:10:13Guest:He trusted Craig so much that he just threw me up.

01:10:16Guest:And then after the first one, he's like,

01:10:18Guest:I guess I did.

01:10:20Guest:Do I think I did now?

01:10:21Guest:No, but, you know, I guess it was good enough that he just kept throwing me up when he needed somebody.

01:10:26Marc:It was such a tight little room.

01:10:27Marc:Oh, yeah, he didn't have you host or anything?

01:10:29Marc:No, just, we just, you know.

01:10:30Marc:You're just filling gaps?

01:10:31Marc:Yep.

01:10:32Marc:But, like, not in the same night.

01:10:33Marc:Like, you know, here's the hand again.

01:10:35Guest:But they were going, yeah, here's the hand again.

01:10:37Guest:Hey, guys.

01:10:37Guest:Hey, remember me?

01:10:38Guest:Yeah, I was just here.

01:10:39Guest:Another guy didn't show up.

01:10:40Guest:I've only got seven minutes, but let's do this again.

01:10:43Guest:But they were so busy, they'd do multiple shows in the night because it was such a small room as well.

01:10:48Marc:I just remember the heat of it.

01:10:49Marc:Like, oh, we're going to go see so-and-so at the, what was it called again?

01:10:52Marc:The Comedy Works.

01:10:53Marc:The Comedy Works, and you'd go down to the works like, this is it.

01:10:56Marc:It was a great room and everything, but I hated the pressure of it all.

01:11:00Marc:It held 70 people.

01:11:01Marc:Yeah, but then there was like 30 executives and agents and managers smashed into the back corner and comics trying to get comfortable.

01:11:09Marc:I wish I had been up there when I wasn't more terrified all the time.

01:11:13Guest:Well, that was my best Montreal trip because I wasn't terrified because I was dumb enough that I didn't know what was going on.

01:11:21Guest:Right.

01:11:21Guest:So that was, and I understand totally what you mean after that.

01:11:25Guest:It was just when you go on, you just be like, this is it.

01:11:28Guest:I got it.

01:11:29Guest:I gotta do it do something have you ever seen the tape of Brian Regan starting three times in Montreal like no Montreal's a bag of dicks they're just like they put out the worst video called worst of this of the fest they do yeah and it's out there and Brian Regan put so much pressure he's so good he's the best yeah and he put so much pressure on it he I gotta start again and walked off three times was he shooting something or just like one of the galas or something oh really yeah why do you keep walking

01:11:59Guest:I think because of what you said, there was just so much pressure and it was weird pressure.

01:12:04Marc:Well, those galas, the galas are like, that room is huge, huge.

01:12:11Marc:And I've done like two or three of them and I've never seen any of them.

01:12:15Marc:I don't know where they show up.

01:12:18Marc:Canadian TV.

01:12:19Marc:Yeah, and I did a thing in Winnipeg for TV.

01:12:22Marc:I've never seen any television I've done in Canada.

01:12:24Marc:That's awesome.

01:12:24Marc:And no one has ever tweeted about it either.

01:12:26Marc:I've never seen any reaction to it.

01:12:28Marc:I don't even know.

01:12:29Marc:I assume that it's been on TV.

01:12:31Marc:I have no idea.

01:12:34Marc:But I've done many of them.

01:12:36Marc:But that room is sort of big and weird and heavy.

01:12:38Marc:It's hard to get a groove going.

01:12:41Marc:Yeah.

01:12:41Marc:It's like 3,000 people, 4,000 people, I think.

01:12:43Marc:Yeah.

01:12:44Guest:Right?

01:12:44Guest:It's something huge, and it's an albatross.

01:12:47Guest:It's hard to get off the ground.

01:12:48Guest:It kind of is, man.

01:12:50Marc:Yeah.

01:12:50Marc:But outside of that, just even doing regular spots, the pressure of all the comics being pretending like they're not competitive, everyone's up each other's ass, everyone's acting like they're friends with everybody else when everybody wants something out of that festival.

01:13:04Marc:And then there used to be, before YouTube, people used to go up there not to discover people.

01:13:11Marc:So you had that pressure.

01:13:12Marc:It was just a fucking nightmare.

01:13:14Guest:I think I've been blackballed.

01:13:15Guest:Have you?

01:13:15Guest:Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

01:13:16Marc:Could it be the way you talk about it?

01:13:17Marc:Probably.

01:13:18Probably.

01:13:18Marc:Probably.

01:13:19Guest:But that's how it happens.

01:13:23Guest:I owe them everything, though.

01:13:24Guest:Yeah.

01:13:24Guest:Like, honestly, if I wasn't at the Montreal Comedy Festival, I wouldn't met Lucian.

01:13:29Guest:I wouldn't end up in New York.

01:13:31Marc:So, yeah.

01:13:31Marc:So how did that work?

01:13:32Marc:Because Lucian, rest in peace.

01:13:34Marc:Yeah.

01:13:35Marc:Yeah.

01:13:35Marc:What did he like about you?

01:13:36Guest:He said, you don't sound like you look.

01:13:40Guest:And I'm very curious about this.

01:13:43Guest:And I'm like, okay.

01:13:44Guest:He goes, you look like you wouldn't have an imagination.

01:13:47Guest:Right.

01:13:48Guest:And I'm like, okay.

01:13:50Marc:Weird thing to say.

01:13:51Guest:Well, that was Lucian though.

01:13:53Guest:Lucian would cough food on you and pretend it never happened.

01:13:56Guest:That's how he was.

01:13:58Marc:He said to me, I think the only thing he said, I've already got enough angry white guys.

01:14:04Yeah.

01:14:06Marc:That was the first time.

01:14:07Marc:Oh, God.

01:14:08Marc:I don't even remember how I ended up working there.

01:14:09Marc:But it was one of those things where it's sort of like, that stuck with me.

01:14:12Marc:And then even when I could work there, I'm like, no, I'll go up there.

01:14:14Marc:I don't need to fucking do that.

01:14:15Marc:Right.

01:14:16Guest:I remember, I used to love the weekends and trying to get as many sets in.

01:14:21Guest:That's what I mean.

01:14:22Marc:Stack them up, running around the city.

01:14:24Marc:Six, seven.

01:14:25Marc:Yeah.

01:14:25Marc:Yeah, eight.

01:14:26Marc:Yeah, you're trying to set a record.

01:14:27Marc:Yeah.

01:14:28Marc:I mean, five or six was a lot.

01:14:29Marc:Because that means you had to do three clubs at least, right?

01:14:33Yeah.

01:14:33Guest:so then you go carolines oh yeah comic strip stand up carolines boston and and uh and um and uh the cellar yeah yeah and the village gate you stay maybe that was yeah by the time you got there was it uh is that is that no no i'm thinking raffi's place yeah i'm thinking what's next door to the cellar why am i blanking on the music room you could do that oh the wall yeah the wall i did the wall once that's it yeah i couldn't stand it

01:14:58Marc:Go over there for a music crowd.

01:15:00Marc:I'm weird.

01:15:02Marc:I like the way you'd fight back.

01:15:03Guest:I'd be like, okay, I'll try again.

01:15:05Guest:I'll do it better.

01:15:06Guest:What's that?

01:15:06Guest:Thank you, Esty.

01:15:07Guest:I just want to be on.

01:15:09Guest:I can't.

01:15:10Guest:So when do you move to New York?

01:15:12Guest:So...

01:15:13Guest:I go back to Vancouver because this girl I'm dating tells me to come back.

01:15:17Guest:She dumps me.

01:15:17Guest:Right.

01:15:18Guest:So meanwhile, Jimbo has said, hey, why don't you come headline my club in October?

01:15:25Guest:The works.

01:15:25Guest:Yeah.

01:15:26Marc:Montreal.

01:15:26Guest:Yeah.

01:15:26Guest:He said, I'll buy you a plane ticket and give you $900.

01:15:29Guest:And I'm just like, yeah, I might as well tell my parents to suck it because I've just hit big time.

01:15:35Guest:Right.

01:15:36Guest:Yeah.

01:15:36Guest:So I'm like, okay.

01:15:38Guest:And I'm like, hey, Montreal's not far from New York.

01:15:41Guest:So I plan it out that I'll do that weekend and then I'll get on a train and head down to New York.

01:15:47Guest:And I call up Lucien.

01:15:51Guest:He's given me his number, but it's the avail number.

01:15:55Guest:So I get the avail number.

01:15:56Guest:I'm like, oh, that's interesting.

01:15:57Guest:So I don't leave any messages.

01:15:58Guest:But I'm like, I'm going, when I get to Montreal, I do the weekend, I change my $900 into American money, which now is $600.

01:16:06Guest:Yeah.

01:16:07Guest:Took a hit.

01:16:08Guest:Yeah, I took a hit and I buy a train ticket.

01:16:12Guest:I get on the train, head off to New York, never been to New York.

01:16:15Guest:Lucian's the only guy I know.

01:16:16Guest:I've talked to you guys, you know, everybody.

01:16:18Guest:But I don't, you know, I'm just that guy.

01:16:20Guest:I don't have anybody's number, so.

01:16:21Guest:Yeah.

01:16:22Guest:except for lucians and uh i'm on the train and we're pulling into manhattan and i can see spray painting everywhere and i'm just like i should probably have someplace to stay yeah yeah and when the train stops this there's this piece of paper on the ground and it's for a youth hostel for twelve dollars a night yeah and i end up living in this youth hostel for four months four months four months and

01:16:45Guest:So what happens with Lucian?

01:16:47Guest:I call him up.

01:16:48Guest:I'm calling from a payphone because I'm trying to keep my quarter.

01:16:51Guest:I'm not leaving a message.

01:16:52Guest:Yeah.

01:16:53Guest:And he finally picks up.

01:16:54Guest:He goes, are you the person that doesn't leave a message?

01:16:57Guest:I'm like, yeah, it's me, Ian Bagg from Canada.

01:16:59Guest:He's like, oh, why aren't you leaving a message?

01:17:01Guest:I said, because...

01:17:02Guest:I don't know.

01:17:03Guest:I've only got so many quarters.

01:17:04Guest:He goes, yeah, come down tonight.

01:17:05Guest:I'll put you on.

01:17:06Guest:Yeah.

01:17:07Guest:So I go down and I go on and, and it goes well enough.

01:17:13Guest:Uh huh.

01:17:13Guest:And I kind of tank at the same time, but I go, I, I, I goes well enough.

01:17:17Guest:He says, uh, call me on this.

01:17:19Guest:I call me on this day every week.

01:17:21Guest:And I'll give you a spot every night.

01:17:24Guest:And everybody hated me for that.

01:17:26Guest:And he would give me a spot five days a week.

01:17:31Guest:And I was not good spots.

01:17:33Guest:Like, they were all check spots or at the end of the night.

01:17:36Guest:Right.

01:17:36Guest:But I would just, you know, he wanted me to get funny in New York style.

01:17:42Guest:And that included tanking a lot of times.

01:17:45Guest:Yeah.

01:17:45Guest:I remember going on after all you guys would go on and just trying to keep that room alive with, hey, I'm from Canada.

01:17:54Guest:And they're just like, whatever.

01:17:56Guest:We'll eat you.

01:17:56Guest:Give us your children.

01:17:58Marc:Oh, like on that second show where half the room is gone.

01:18:01Marc:It's about 12 people.

01:18:02Marc:Or they all get up and leave right before you go on.

01:18:05Marc:And the guy before you, I could tell, leaves the stage.

01:18:09Marc:And then everyone, half the room goes.

01:18:11Guest:It was a tell.

01:18:12Guest:It was you.

01:18:13Guest:It was Ray Romano.

01:18:14Guest:It was Chris Rock.

01:18:15Guest:It was Chappelle.

01:18:17Guest:It was all these just monsters.

01:18:18Guest:And do you remember Red Johnny and the round guy?

01:18:20Guest:Sure.

01:18:21Guest:I've never seen anything destroy like that ever or since then.

01:18:27Guest:They would just turn that room upside down and then I would have to go on.

01:18:31Guest:Was Red Johnny the little one?

01:18:33Guest:No, Red Johnny was the big one because the round guy was the smaller one.

01:18:37Guest:I think Red Johnny still works.

01:18:38Guest:He's a voiceover guy.

01:18:39Marc:Yeah.

01:18:40Guest:Yeah.

01:18:40Marc:I don't know about the round guy.

01:18:41Guest:I think he works at a bike shop.

01:18:43Guest:Oh, yeah?

01:18:43Guest:Yeah.

01:18:44Guest:That's the problem with being a duo.

01:18:46Yeah.

01:18:48Marc:Right.

01:18:49Marc:So they crush and then... And then they're like... D.B.

01:18:52Marc:Sweeney or whatever his name was.

01:18:54Marc:D...

01:18:55Marc:What's his name?

01:18:56Guest:D.F.

01:18:57Guest:Sweedler.

01:18:57Marc:D.F.

01:18:58Marc:Sweedler would bring you on.

01:18:59Guest:Yeah.

01:19:00Guest:Yeah.

01:19:00Guest:And he wouldn't do any time because he was.

01:19:02Guest:Scott Blakeman would bring you on.

01:19:04Guest:With no time at all.

01:19:05Guest:They go, hey, back.

01:19:06Guest:You go on and you just like, oh, they'd be so angry at you because they felt you had taken Red Johnny and the Round Guy aware.

01:19:13Guest:It was your fault.

01:19:14Guest:Yeah, it was your fault.

01:19:16Guest:And then they're getting their bills at the same time, and you're just trying to survive.

01:19:20Guest:So it just kind of builds up.

01:19:21Marc:Yeah, and then you're running down to Boston to do a show for 10 people, and that was as big as the audience was all night.

01:19:27Guest:Like on those Tuesday nights and shit.

01:19:29Guest:I remember following Jim Brewer there at the Boston.

01:19:33Guest:On a big night?

01:19:34Guest:It wasn't a big night, but I just remember I was really new still, and I remember a guy saying to me, you're going to die, white boy.

01:19:43Guest:And I remember I was like, this is comedy.

01:19:47Guest:As I was walking to stage, he said that.

01:19:49Guest:And I thought he meant actually get killed.

01:19:51Guest:And I remember holding my beer bottle like this so I could smash somebody if I had to.

01:19:56Guest:So I was just like, well, he was right.

01:19:58Guest:I did die.

01:19:59Guest:I bombed my ass off.

01:20:00Guest:That was always hard.

01:20:01Marc:That was one of the.

01:20:03Marc:You like that club?

01:20:04Marc:The Boston?

01:20:05Marc:Yeah.

01:20:05Marc:It was the only choice I had.

01:20:07Marc:But did you like it?

01:20:09Marc:No.

01:20:09Marc:It was weird.

01:20:10Marc:It didn't feel like its own place.

01:20:12Marc:I remember when they built the seats.

01:20:15Marc:I remember when it was just this space that had a window in the back where they poured the drinks before they had the little tiered balcony.

01:20:24Marc:Before he built that out, it was just all the same floor.

01:20:26Marc:Chairs didn't look like they belonged there.

01:20:30Marc:It didn't have its own vibe.

01:20:32Marc:But eventually it did when he built the thing in back for the little balcony area.

01:20:37Guest:I didn't

01:20:37Guest:never no it was hard and he gave away a lot of tickets gave Barry Barry Barry yeah I mean it was always a shit show in there it was horrible but no one was seemed to be in charge and no one gave a fuck I mean he used to be there you guys you guys would walk in there like ballers and make it seem like it didn't affect you I just remember being shaken every time I came off the stage and you guys would walk out and laugh and go someplace else yeah I'd have to go to therapy for two weeks after going on there

01:21:05Marc:Well, yeah, I mean, but it was just like, I don't think the club ever was taken seriously.

01:21:10Marc:So I think a lot of us were like, it's great to get a spot in, but who gives a fuck?

01:21:13Guest:But you didn't take it serious.

01:21:14Guest:Whereas guys like me- No, I took it serious.

01:21:16Guest:No, I took it serious.

01:21:17Guest:I thought every set in that- In New York.

01:21:20Guest:In New York was going to be the end if I didn't do well.

01:21:23Guest:Right.

01:21:23Marc:Right.

01:21:23Marc:No, it was weird.

01:21:25Marc:I mean, it was a long time ago, but when Katz was there and he had his crew and everyone was kind of... Man, it's so long ago.

01:21:33Marc:It's so wild to think about it.

01:21:35Marc:But Lucian seemed to have a lot invested in you.

01:21:37Guest:He ended up managing me.

01:21:40Guest:Is that what happened?

01:21:40Guest:Yeah, he didn't manage people, but he was always...

01:21:44Guest:I don't know, he had something to do with Sandler and all those guys.

01:21:47Guest:He was good to me.

01:21:48Guest:He was weird, but he was really good to me and helped me find my footing.

01:21:55Marc:How was that hostile situation?

01:21:57Guest:It was great.

01:21:58Guest:Oh, yeah?

01:21:58Guest:Yeah, I loved living there.

01:21:59Guest:I remember the people that worked at the comic strip didn't understand me at all because I would just show up with a different entourage of...

01:22:07Guest:different countries every couple nights.

01:22:10Guest:How do you have so many Japanese people with you?

01:22:13Guest:Who are your friends?

01:22:14Guest:Why are they all German?

01:22:15Marc:Strange international.

01:22:17Marc:Oh, you just tell them all what to do?

01:22:18Marc:I come down.

01:22:18Guest:I say, hey, guys, I'm doing stand-up.

01:22:20Guest:You want to come with me?

01:22:21Guest:Because when you're in a hostel, you're sharing a room with people.

01:22:26Marc:Yeah, of course.

01:22:27Marc:So then what?

01:22:28Marc:Then you were able to get out of there and sort of live there?

01:22:30Guest:I ended up, this is honestly, once again, how my whole world changed was Lucian came to me while I was living in the youth hostel three months, probably one of the last months I was at the youth hostel.

01:22:42Guest:And he said, they're coming into showcase for Conan O'Brien tonight.

01:22:47Guest:You're not on it, but I'm going to put you on it right before it happens.

01:22:50Guest:oh so i was like okay so you're like it started in the middle of the show and he puts you on second or third yeah yeah yeah so i would always once they were in there you remember those times when it was really yeah yeah it was i said but yeah once they were in there so frank smiley paula davis yep yeah yep so uh so i went on and i still didn't get what showcasing was you just do your best life and

01:23:13Guest:So I did it, and he said, stick around afterwards.

01:23:17Guest:They want to talk to you.

01:23:18Guest:And I was like, okay.

01:23:19Guest:And I wasn't even showcasing, and they said, we want to put you on the show.

01:23:22Guest:And I had to say to him, I had to say, I am actually not legal.

01:23:28Guest:Because I just got on a train and came to New York.

01:23:30Guest:Does that matter?

01:23:31Guest:To do TV?

01:23:32Guest:Yeah.

01:23:32Guest:Yeah, so they actually helped me get my first round of visas.

01:23:37Guest:Really?

01:23:37Guest:Yeah.

01:23:37Guest:Conan did.

01:23:38Guest:Conan did, yeah.

01:23:39Guest:Yeah.

01:23:40Guest:So, and them in a small agency, they signed.

01:23:44Guest:They got me my first, I want to say, three-year visa.

01:23:48Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:23:48Guest:So you did Conan?

01:23:50Guest:Yeah, I did Conan.

01:23:52Guest:They sent me away for two months while the paperwork was done.

01:23:56Guest:Sent you to work?

01:23:57Guest:Back to Canada.

01:23:57Guest:Oh, you had to go to Canada?

01:23:59Guest:I had to leave the country because it was being done legally and I couldn't be in the country.

01:24:05Guest:So I went back to Canada and just kind of floated around.

01:24:07Guest:To Vancouver?

01:24:08Guest:Vancouver.

01:24:08Guest:Hung out in Vancouver.

01:24:09Guest:I probably did all the places, you know, the little driving.

01:24:14Guest:Doing stand-up?

01:24:14Guest:Yeah, just doing stand-up.

01:24:15Guest:Yeah.

01:24:16Guest:And then I went down after the paperwork was done and did Conan.

01:24:20Guest:Yeah, I remember that.

01:24:20Guest:I remember I wore my best clothes at the time, and it was a pair of shorts and a green checkered logging shirt.

01:24:29Guest:And I remember Barry Katz thinking, you're the ballsiest guy I've ever seen.

01:24:33Guest:And I'm like, these are actually my best clothes.

01:24:37Guest:So how did the Conan change things for you?

01:24:40Guest:Made me live in America.

01:24:42Guest:It started giving me a little bit of work here and there.

01:24:45Guest:Yeah.

01:24:46Guest:I think I did it three more times.

01:24:48Guest:Yeah.

01:24:49Guest:And then ended up coming out to Los Angeles and getting a commercial agent.

01:24:56Guest:Did some commercials.

01:24:57Guest:Oh, yeah?

01:24:57Guest:Yeah.

01:24:58Guest:And then one day I was like, hey.

01:25:02Guest:The weather's really nice out here.

01:25:05Guest:Yeah.

01:25:05Guest:Is there any way I can do this from out here?

01:25:07Guest:Yeah.

01:25:07Guest:And everybody's like, yeah, you can live in Los Angeles.

01:25:09Guest:Oh, really?

01:25:10Guest:Yeah.

01:25:10Guest:I was like, okay.

01:25:10Guest:Plenty of people are doing it.

01:25:11Guest:I was like, okay, I'm going to move to Los Angeles and just packed up and left and that was August 2001.

01:25:17Marc:It's been that long?

01:25:18Guest:Yeah.

01:25:19Marc:It's been going all right for you?

01:25:20Marc:Yeah, I love it.

01:25:21Marc:You did a lot of comic standing?

01:25:22Guest:Did Last Comic Standing.

01:25:23Guest:Didn't ever want to do it.

01:25:24Guest:It took me forever.

01:25:26Guest:I kept getting asked to do it.

01:25:27Guest:And I said, no, because I didn't understand.

01:25:29Guest:What were some of the jobs you had, though, on TV?

01:25:32Marc:On TV?

01:25:33Marc:I remember you've done a lot of shit.

01:25:34Guest:I've done a lot.

01:25:35Guest:I've done a Showtime thing.

01:25:37Guest:I've done an Amazon thing.

01:25:40Guest:Didn't you host some things?

01:25:42Guest:I've done a ton of pilot stuff that hasn't worked out.

01:25:45Guest:Right.

01:25:46Guest:And I hosted some internet stuff.

01:25:50Guest:Yeah.

01:25:50Guest:And yeah, just, yeah.

01:25:52Guest:just plugging along just plugging along just how's the draw on the road uh not bad up and down up and down here and there yeah yeah i'm sure i'm sure you remember those days i do man you don't remember those days it was just two years hanging out in your massive house just laughing at people as they walk by two years ago what do you mean it was like not only do i remember it but it was like not that long ago well yeah i didn't have a draw

01:26:17Marc:Until two years into the podcast, maybe, three.

01:26:21Marc:So it's all pretty new for me, in a way.

01:26:27Marc:Now you're judging me?

01:26:27Guest:I just moved.

01:26:29Guest:I remember thinking that you were gonna be Conan O'Brien.

01:26:36Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:26:37Guest:Right?

01:26:38Guest:And wanting to be around you because... Oh, he's going to have that slot.

01:26:43Guest:No.

01:26:44Guest:It's just late night shows interested me so much.

01:26:48Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:26:48Guest:And I knew they interested you so much.

01:26:50Guest:Yeah.

01:26:51Guest:I want to be around you.

01:26:52Guest:Yeah.

01:26:53Guest:And when other people started getting stuff, I was...

01:26:57Guest:I was confused.

01:26:59Guest:That I didn't get it?

01:27:00Guest:Yeah, and I'm sure you were angry.

01:27:02Guest:You mean when they were trying to replace him?

01:27:04Guest:Just other guys getting different shows here and there.

01:27:07Marc:Yeah, yeah, because over time, yeah, I mean, I felt like I was... But I don't think I was ever really seriously considered for anything.

01:27:15Marc:You know, I think that there were people who thought, like, maybe you'd be good at that.

01:27:20Marc:You should do that.

01:27:20Marc:But I don't think anybody with any power... Right.

01:27:23Marc:I don't think I was on anybody's list.

01:27:24Marc:Right.

01:27:25Marc:You know, but I think there was... I think you were.

01:27:27Marc:You do?

01:27:27Marc:Yeah.

01:27:27Guest:I think there was one point... I don't know.

01:27:29Guest:But this says you should have been... Oh, yeah?

01:27:33Guest:This show is... This one.

01:27:35Guest:Yeah.

01:27:35Guest:The one we do in my house.

01:27:37Guest:But it says... Yeah.

01:27:39Guest:It says everything.

01:27:40Guest:Sure.

01:27:42Guest:It's...

01:27:42Marc:Yeah, if only I could have had a long-form TV show, talk show, where I could sit with someone for about an hour.

01:27:49Guest:You need an hour?

01:27:50Guest:Yeah.

01:27:51Guest:You kidding me?

01:27:52Guest:I could do it in a few minutes.

01:27:53Marc:Yeah.

01:27:54Marc:But that's not the same thing.

01:27:55Marc:Did you do Conan outside once?

01:27:57Marc:Did you host?

01:27:58Marc:Yeah.

01:27:59Guest:See?

01:28:00Marc:On the desk.

01:28:00Marc:Yeah, I did it.

01:28:01Marc:Oh, that's because I was auditioning for something.

01:28:04Marc:Right.

01:28:04Marc:What was the angle on that?

01:28:06Yeah.

01:28:07Marc:I don't remember.

01:28:07Marc:You know what?

01:28:09Marc:I think the last no was like it was a bit the talk show on the street.

01:28:13Marc:But yeah, it was just me talking to people on the street on the desk.

01:28:16Marc:And then that became a segment on some local TV show where I did it like I did a bunch of them for like a local TV.

01:28:23Marc:I thought that was what I was going to do.

01:28:24Marc:Just be on local New York TV on the Metro Channel.

01:28:28Marc:That was what, the fucking Metro Channel.

01:28:30Marc:Something, man.

01:28:31Marc:No, it wasn't Metro One.

01:28:32Marc:It was, I don't remember, man.

01:28:34Marc:It's hurting me thinking about it.

01:28:35Marc:Sorry, man.

01:28:35Marc:Didn't mean to hurt you.

01:28:36Marc:Oh, no, no.

01:28:37Marc:But yeah, I think things worked out for the best.

01:28:39Marc:Absolutely.

01:28:40Marc:So what's your big plan now?

01:28:42Guest:What's my big plan?

01:28:44Guest:Just keep touring?

01:28:45Guest:I want to do stand up, but I also I'm working.

01:28:49Guest:I love stand up.

01:28:50Guest:There's no way that I could ever stop doing stand up.

01:28:53Guest:I want to do stand up until the last breath.

01:28:56Guest:Yeah.

01:28:57Guest:Yeah.

01:28:57Guest:I'd love to die on stage.

01:28:59Guest:Not on stage.

01:28:59Guest:Maybe afterwards.

01:29:02Guest:But I love it more than anything that's come into my life other than my wife.

01:29:07Guest:It's awesome.

01:29:14Guest:To me, what's confusing about when you say that, well, I love stand-up.

01:29:19Guest:When I was a kid and I would watch stand-up on afternoon talk shows, I would see the stand-ups and then they would also be on game shows.

01:29:26Guest:I thought you just did game shows and TV and stand-up.

01:29:31Guest:It's a

01:29:31Guest:The fact that I have to market myself for other things has been very confusing to me.

01:29:37Guest:I like to host, but right now I'm working on an animated thing that I've come up with that is kind of based on a little bit of autism and a little bit of just being an everyday person.

01:29:52Marc:Are you autistic?

01:29:53Guest:uh i would say i've got a touch of the tism but uh yeah yeah i don't like hugging i don't i don't i'm not a big fan of it yeah uh i'm not i'm not i'm definitely on the spectrum someplace but i'm not i'm don't think well do i need help or anything no no right so you're doing the animated thing

01:30:09Guest:I'm doing the animated thing.

01:30:10Guest:I did a thing for A&E about my wife's family trying to get me out of stand-up, and we did that.

01:30:21Guest:Why'd they want to get you out?

01:30:23Guest:They didn't really want to get me out, but they own fishing places out on the East Coast, and they think I eat nachos for a living, basically, is what is going on.

01:30:32Guest:They own fishing places?

01:30:34Guest:They own oysters and clam farms.

01:30:37Guest:Your wife's family?

01:30:38Guest:Yeah, and they do crabbing and guide fishing.

01:30:42Guest:Really?

01:30:42Guest:Yeah, on the East Coast in Virginia.

01:30:44Marc:No kidding?

01:30:45Guest:Yeah.

01:30:45Marc:So is it a big business?

01:30:47Guest:Yeah, they do very well.

01:30:50Marc:With crabs, oysters, clams, and guided fishing tours?

01:30:53Guest:Yeah, more taking guys into fishing tournaments.

01:30:58Guest:That's why my one brother-in-law... Do you fish?

01:31:00Guest:Not well.

01:31:01Guest:They laugh at me.

01:31:02Guest:I puke over the edge.

01:31:03Guest:Oh, you're not good on a boat?

01:31:04Guest:Yeah, so...

01:31:05Marc:So now you bought this house over there?

01:31:07Guest:I bought a house out there.

01:31:08Marc:So what's the plan with that?

01:31:09Guest:I just want it to be a family vacation house.

01:31:12Guest:My mother-in-law lives in it right now, and I'm doing renovations on it.

01:31:18Guest:It's only like seven years old.

01:31:20Guest:I found it on a short sale.

01:31:22Guest:Didn't pay much money for it at all.

01:31:24Guest:It's just basically a house on an acre worth of land.

01:31:28Guest:Is it on the water?

01:31:29Guest:It's a mile from the water.

01:31:30Guest:Yeah.

01:31:31Guest:And it's actually a mile from the beach, but right behind it comes up the, you know, they call them creeks, which is from the oceans.

01:31:39Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:31:40Guest:So it's kind of on the water.

01:31:41Marc:That's nice.

01:31:41Marc:So how much time do you plan on spending out there?

01:31:44Guest:Not much.

01:31:45Guest:Just going to have it?

01:31:46Guest:Not much.

01:31:46Guest:Yeah, I'm just going to have it, and I'll be able to go there when I want to go there.

01:31:49Guest:That's the thing.

01:31:50Guest:We live in Long Beach out here.

01:31:52Guest:We live in Belmont Shore.

01:31:54Guest:What's your wife do?

01:31:55Guest:She's in occupational therapy.

01:31:56Guest:Uh-huh.

01:31:56Guest:Yeah, so we want to be able to go.

01:31:59Guest:She wants to be able to go home, so I'm fine, and I'm fine with going to see my parents.

01:32:05Marc:Where are they?

01:32:06Guest:They're in Vancouver though.

01:32:07Guest:No, they're still in Terrace.

01:32:08Guest:Oh, they are?

01:32:09Guest:Yeah, they're still up in the middle of nowhere.

01:32:11Marc:And they're okay?

01:32:12Guest:Yeah, I'll go home and I'll do a fundraiser every once in a while up there.

01:32:15Guest:For the town?

01:32:16Guest:Yeah, for the town.

01:32:16Guest:Somebody will be sick or something's needed in the town.

01:32:19Marc:Local boy.

01:32:20Guest:Yeah, I'll bring guys up.

01:32:22Guest:Maybe I'll just make sure that I'll try to bring you up one time.

01:32:24Guest:Oh, good.

01:32:24Guest:Oh, thanks.

01:32:24Guest:Yeah, if you want to go.

01:32:25Marc:Yeah, yeah.

01:32:26Marc:That'd be great.

01:32:27Marc:Give me a call.

01:32:30Guest:I'll call you for fish.

01:32:31Guest:You call me to go up to Terrace.

01:32:33Guest:And also there's fish up there.

01:32:34Guest:I don't know if you like salmon.

01:32:36Marc:Yeah, I love salmon.

01:32:37Guest:Yeah.

01:32:38Marc:It's salmon time now.

01:32:39Marc:Do you go fishing for salmon up there?

01:32:41Guest:Yeah.

01:32:42Guest:Steelhead, sockeye, springs up there.

01:32:45Marc:I know it's coming into the fish place.

01:32:46Marc:I go buy it.

01:32:48Marc:Copper River, steelheads.

01:32:49Marc:I don't know if steelhead's wild yet.

01:32:51Marc:But the king salmon, the troll catch.

01:32:53Guest:Just make sure you always buy, don't ever buy farmed.

01:32:57Guest:Right, wild.

01:32:58Guest:Always wild, never farmed.

01:32:59Marc:That should be a slogan for something, is it?

01:33:04Marc:Always wild, never farmed.

01:33:05Marc:Always wild, never farmed.

01:33:08Marc:All right, buddies.

01:33:08Marc:Good seeing you.

01:33:09Marc:Nice seeing you.

01:33:09Marc:Thanks for coming.

01:33:10Marc:Goodbye.

01:33:14Marc:All right, that was Ian.

01:33:19Marc:I never knew the guy, but I've known him for decades, it feels like.

01:33:22Marc:National Bag Radio, his podcast is available from all things comedy.

01:33:27Marc:Whew, all right.

01:33:28Marc:I feel my guitar playing's gotten, like...

01:33:31Marc:remedial.

01:33:32Marc:It's always been remedial, but it's been a little kind of clunky.

01:33:35Marc:Alright, here's some... I'll play my new Japanese Telecaster.

01:33:40Marc:Why do I qualify it like that?

01:33:41Marc:Is that insensitive to call it a Japanese Telecaster?

01:33:46Marc:No.

01:33:46Marc:It was made in Japan.

01:33:47Marc:It's known as a Japanese Telecaster.

01:33:49Marc:These are newer fenders made in Japan.

01:33:52Marc:It's a Japanese Telecaster.

01:33:53Marc:... ...

01:34:19you

01:35:00Marc:Boomer lives!