Episode 914 - Melissa McCarthy
Guest:Lock the gates!
Marc:Alright, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fuckineers?
Marc:What the fucksters?
Marc:What the fuckadelics?
Marc:I am Mark Maron.
Marc:This is my podcast.
Marc:WTF.
Marc:I'm a little... My brain is not quite... I don't know why, but it's not working right.
Marc:I don't know why.
Marc:I can't answer that question.
Marc:Welcome to the show.
Marc:I am on the road.
Marc:I am away.
Marc:I am in a... Well, I'll tell you where I am.
Marc:I don't know if I can tell you what I'm doing, but I'm in Birmingham, Alabama, Birmingham.
Marc:Birmingham, Alabama.
Marc:It doesn't always bring up good memories, rarely, historically, not a great memory place.
Marc:Today on the show, I talked to Melissa McCarthy.
Marc:That was fun.
Marc:She's fun.
Marc:She's funny.
Marc:Nice lady.
Marc:She's a nice lady, that Melissa McCarthy.
Marc:So back to Birmingham.
Marc:you know, the ghosts of the past of this city are around and you can choose to fester on whatever you're going to fester on.
Marc:But it always feels heavy for me.
Marc:I'm not indicting anybody currently, but, you know, the South's history is heavy.
Marc:And I'm going to hopefully get around and see some stuff.
Marc:I'm here doing a project.
Marc:I'm going to be here a while.
Marc:Well, a little while.
Marc:I mean, I'm not going to live here, but it was long enough for me to go out yesterday.
Marc:I went out to to the Birmingham Whole Foods.
Marc:So that's here.
Marc:That's good.
Marc:That's you know, they're not it's not primitive here.
Marc:It seems very pleasant.
Marc:I've been here a day, but I went out and I stocked up for a few days.
Marc:which is a good thing to do.
Marc:Unfortunately, I got back to my room and it seemed to be like almost a challenge to myself that I eat everything that I bought for a few days.
Marc:And I got pretty good into it, pretty well into it, pretty far along.
Marc:And that includes a box of puffins and some packets of almond butter.
Marc:I bought almond butter packets.
Marc:Portion control.
Marc:There's no lockbox on those bad boys.
Marc:You know what I'm saying?
Marc:I got four of them.
Marc:I've eaten three.
Marc:But I'm happy to be here.
Marc:I'm happy to explore.
Marc:I'm thinking about... I have a day off today.
Marc:And I believe I'm going down to witness, to bear witness, and to take in the new Peace and Justice Memorial with the very powerful and disturbing...
Marc:lynching monument i want to go see that because i don't know how often or when i'll be back down here again i want to go you know take that in i want to learn something i want to feel something i want to see something put together in remembrance of something horrible i don't always want to do that uh i i guess there why would you but it's important that you do i mean i know some of you listen to the show pretty regularly and i i tend uh i i did uh avoid um
Marc:Holocaust memorials of different sorts when I was in Europe, particularly Amsterdam.
Marc:I made that choice to ride a boat and look around at the pretty things and learn a little bit about things, a little bit, on a boat just drifting through the city.
Marc:And I think that's how a lot of us drift through life.
Marc:We know there's bad stuff, but...
Marc:But man, let's just keep the boat moving.
Marc:There's only so much I can do from here on my boat.
Marc:So I'm just going to stay on the boat.
Marc:Maybe do a little fishing.
Marc:Maybe take a nap.
Marc:Maybe see the sights.
Marc:But just stay adrift.
Marc:Sometimes you got to engage.
Marc:I'm going to engage.
Marc:I want to.
Marc:I want to learn.
Marc:I want to feel.
Marc:That's a new thing.
Marc:I always do.
Marc:I always want to feel.
Marc:I don't always want to learn.
Marc:I did get some interesting emails.
Marc:I got one really poetic and I thought very concise email that made me feel.
Marc:It was a nice punch.
Marc:Nice punch in the head.
Marc:The subject line just says fan.
Marc:And the copy is...
Marc:I think you're a pretty impressive comedian.
Marc:You make me laugh about the things that make you sad without glorifying them.
Marc:And you make me think about the things that make me sad without forcing me to feel them.
Marc:That's it.
Marc:That's the email.
Marc:Very succinct.
Marc:Very to the point.
Marc:But I think that's the best I can do on some level.
Marc:I don't want people... If they're adrift and they're doing okay and I don't have to sink their boat with my problems and I can at least have some distance from them enough to discuss them in a way that doesn't break down their ability to maintain their own shit and hold that together, that's entertainment.
Marc:Right?
Marc:Oh, I wanted to pick up a little business.
Marc:I don't know if I brought it up last time, but a lot of people when I talked...
Marc:about Ben and Jerry's for some reason and brought up the flavor thing.
Marc:Got a lot of suggestions for the flavor.
Marc:What the fudge obviously seems to be the flavor.
Marc:I do not think that that's going to happen.
Marc:I also want to thank a lot of the people that got back to me with suggestions and ideas for traveling and alleviating my colonic fear.
Marc:or whatever it is, that apparently it's a common problem that people can't shit on the road or when they're traveling a lot.
Marc:And thank you for all those suggestions.
Marc:I'm not going to share them, but they were there, and I appreciate your support.
Marc:Also, thank you for the support around my cat, LaFonda, who is better.
Marc:I did have to, you know, I was only home for a week.
Marc:I got her taken care of and now the fella staying at my house is dealing with it.
Marc:But I think, you know, it's weird when cats get old and I guess that when you have cats and you leave for a little while, even if it's for a week or two, they don't, I don't think they process the idea, oh, he's packing, he'll be back.
Marc:I think once you're out, you're out and they're alone and they stress out.
Marc:Much like maybe emotionally, not even emotionally, like a child whose parents just, without saying anything, disappear and then just reappear two weeks later.
Marc:But they're getting a little old for that.
Marc:But I don't know that I really can...
Marc:Completely build my life and honor my cat's anxiety in the sense that I do have to go out and live a life.
Marc:It would be weird if I just quit doing all my traveling and all my gigs in other places because I didn't want my cats to be stressed out.
Marc:It's not beyond me.
Marc:Certainly, sometimes I could use an excuse not to go places, but I'm not going to do that.
Marc:But thank you for the suggestions around LaFonda's health in terms of maybe getting a vet that comes to the house.
Marc:That's a good idea.
Marc:Now I'm sweating.
Marc:It's humid down here, man.
Marc:It's like Friday, the first day of work.
Marc:It's going to be 90.
Marc:So I can't tell you anything about what I'm doing, really, but I can say that we're going to have to write in pit stains and profuse sweating, constant sweating.
Marc:That's something I'm going to have to add to the character, that I'm sweating.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, now I told you a few things.
Marc:I think you're probably putting something together.
Marc:That's fine.
Marc:That's fine.
Marc:Melissa McCarthy has a new movie out, which I watched.
Marc:It's called Life of the Party.
Marc:It opens in theaters tomorrow, May 11th.
Marc:She wrote it with her husband and he directed it.
Marc:And we talk a little bit about that.
Marc:And we talk about, I talk to her like I talk to people.
Marc:This is me and Melissa McCarthy back in the new garage.
Marc:How do you sound to yourself?
Marc:Can you hear it?
Marc:You can move that mic.
Marc:Is that uncomfortable?
Guest:Super Midwestern.
Marc:Super nasal.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Nasal?
Marc:No, you don't.
Guest:When I hear my own voice, I'm like... You think it's nasal?
Guest:Yeah, I always think it sounds like we go to the bar.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:We go to the bar in my car.
Marc:I don't hear it.
Marc:Why don't I hear it?
Guest:Sometimes I do.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Because I've had other people be like, oh, Chicago, huh?
Marc:Chicago, yeah?
Guest:I'm like, yes.
Guest:They're like, oh, I know, I can hear it.
Marc:Well, yeah, I guess I can hear it a little bit now you mention it.
Marc:You just did Ellen?
Guest:I just did Ellen.
Marc:Did she dance or anything?
Marc:What happened?
Guest:She didn't dance.
Guest:I danced.
Guest:You danced?
Guest:I did come out in a suit that when you zip it all the way up, it has a picture of her likeness on it because I thought that would appropriately freak her out.
Marc:And you orchestrated that whole thing?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Weirdly, I was like, that seems – oh, yeah.
Guest:She was like, what are you wearing and why is that available?
Guest:I'm like, I had it made.
Guest:Nothing weird there.
Guest:It's like I couldn't – then I was like, why did I have it made?
Guest:Because it just made me laugh because I thought she'd be like –
Marc:And who made it for you?
Marc:Where do you go?
Guest:There's a company.
Guest:I mean, the suit is very thick.
Guest:It's like wearing like 16 trash bags, but it was worth it.
Guest:And you can get anybody's picture put on it.
Guest:So you zip up this onesie in front of your face, and it goes all the way to the peak of the hood.
Guest:And your face is covered?
Guest:Yeah, but you can kind of see out of it.
Guest:Their face is there.
Guest:Somebody...
Guest:One of our guest writers when we were shooting our movie got one made of Ben.
Guest:And it was so freaky.
Guest:And it was also like a 104 degree day.
Guest:And he was like, I'm passing out.
Guest:I'm definitely passing out.
Guest:And I was like, well, you're wearing like old syringes.
Guest:Like whatever this is made out of is like, it's all toxic.
Guest:It's crazy.
Marc:But it's worth it though because it was so funny.
Guest:It's worth it because it's so, and you kind of look, you certainly, it's like the Jacob's Ladder version of whosever picture it is.
Guest:So it's not flattering, but I thought it was like the funniest thing I'd ever seen.
Marc:And it played well.
Marc:Everybody got a big kick out of it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And then we kept telling, at least for Mac, we kept telling him, zip it up.
Guest:If you're going to do it, do it.
Guest:And he's like, I'm definitely going to vomit.
Guest:I'm definitely going to vomit.
Marc:Where did you shoot that thing?
Guest:We shot it in Atlanta.
Marc:Oh, and during the summer?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh my God.
Guest:So it's, you know.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It's like pure humidity.
Guest:And I don't know, something about Atlanta, if I'm in LA and it goes below, if it gets warmer than like 68, I'm like, this is crazy.
Guest:And in Atlanta, it's like 170.
Guest:It's pure humidity.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I don't know what happens to Ben and I because we usually were like polar bears.
Guest:But something about Atlanta, we're like, no, we should probably go out on the porch and have a drink and listen to some jazz clarinet.
Guest:And we do literally every night we listen.
Guest:We become like old, like Southern.
Marc:Groovy Southern people.
Guest:not groovy necessarily just jazz clarinet yeah just for clarification yeah okay so that's specific that's a clarinet i i guess it's it's like like what like uh like ragtime dixieland no it's slower it's always like and i don't know if the humidity just messes with me but i end up just being like
Guest:Well, this is a wonderful evening.
Guest:And I go, and we fully get into it.
Guest:Here, if it's like 71, I'm like, this is a horror show.
Marc:It's too hot?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But something about, and I don't like humanity.
Guest:I don't know what happens.
Marc:I used to live in New York, and I lived in Boston.
Marc:And I think you get high.
Marc:I think you get exhausted.
Marc:I think you have no liquid in your body.
Marc:It just breaks you.
Marc:It does, almost immediately.
Marc:I used to notice that on the train in New York, everyone looks like they're taking a walk of shame.
Marc:They're just giving up.
Marc:The entire train is just filled with people.
Guest:Of course, there's probably 18 people per train that are, regardless of what time of day it is.
Marc:But they're just like, I got no energy.
Marc:I can't.
Marc:Drained.
Guest:And then all the guys in suits where you're like,
Guest:I know what all that wool smells like.
Marc:Yeah, and I sweat.
Marc:I don't know how.
Marc:Yeah, I'm a sweater.
Marc:You too?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Like immediately.
Marc:And I can't handle it.
Marc:It's almost like you're just a fungal Petri dish.
Guest:Do you sweat when you're nervous?
Marc:No, I used to.
Marc:If I'm doing stand-up and that feel, like I had it once or twice recently and I hadn't felt it in a while or identified it.
Guest:Or identified it.
Marc:Sometimes you go up and even if you're nailing it pretty consistently, there's just one of those audiences that aren't going to... And you know from doing it, there's nothing you're going to do that's going to change it.
Guest:Most likely you're not going to turn it.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And then I just felt that weird sweat on the back of the neck and my face is acting normal.
Marc:The neck's getting wet.
Guest:That's when I'll lose my place.
Guest:I mean, I haven't done it in 100 years, but that's when I would just be like, and then, oh, gosh.
Guest:I knew this morning.
Guest:I knew it.
Guest:Yeah, I knew it, and I'm like, no, boy, nothing warms up an audience that already hates you, like just a big gap.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, like, ugh.
Guest:No, my mouth is so dry.
Marc:And then you leave your body, and you're just like up there all alone, and you're looking at yourself.
Guest:I couldn't hack it.
Marc:You actually did that in the movie.
Marc:You had a stage fright.
Marc:I did.
Marc:An extended.
Marc:An extended.
Marc:The worst case situation all the way over the top with the stage fright.
Guest:Body meltdown.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Body meltdown.
Guest:That's what's happening in my head more often.
Guest:It doesn't fully react all over.
Guest:I can hide it a little bit, but sometimes I'm just like, stuff just starts disconnecting in my brain.
Guest:I'm like, oh God.
Marc:Really?
Marc:You feel that?
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, certain times.
Marc:On stage?
Guest:And it's weird.
Guest:Right before I go out sometimes.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Like, oh, you get like, oh, I'm going to- I was like, what am I doing here?
Guest:They're going to know.
Guest:I'm going to have to go back to Plainfield, Illinois.
Guest:They're going to know.
Guest:They're going to know what?
Guest:And then, I don't know.
Guest:I'm always like, I'm a shim-sham man.
Guest:I think somebody's going to be like, get out of here.
Guest:We're on to you.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm always waiting for somebody to be like- Nope.
Guest:It's over.
Guest:No, thanks.
Yeah.
Guest:Pack up your things and go.
Guest:We see who you are.
Marc:We know.
Marc:Okay, I got it.
Marc:I was waiting for this.
Marc:I was waiting for it.
Marc:I'm glad I made a little money before this happened.
Marc:But yeah, I don't.
Marc:So the movie, like I have a question.
Marc:And I'll be honest with you.
Marc:I watched it.
Marc:I got laughs.
Marc:But I have a question about writing scripts, because you wrote it with your husband.
Guest:I did.
Marc:So how many drafts?
Marc:What's the process with you guys?
Marc:This is your third, fourth movie you wrote together?
Guest:This is the fourth.
Guest:We never stopped writing it.
Marc:Like it's always ongoing.
Guest:It's ongoing because I think we get to the end of it and we're like, yeah, I like that.
Guest:And then we just kind of take a day or two and then in looking at it and talking about it and thinking about, okay, where are you going to shoot it?
Guest:How many days do we have it?
Guest:You end up being like, is this a repeat?
Guest:Are we repeating?
Guest:Can we get out of it?
Guest:And he's really good with that.
Guest:I always get attached to everything.
Guest:I'm like, oh, we should shoot it.
Guest:And he's like...
Guest:We have it in two places.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Let's make it one.
Guest:So we're kind of always, I feel like we write and rewrite and rewrite and then get there on the day and I'm like, I'm going to say all different shit.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So it's like why we work there.
Guest:I'm always like, I don't know.
Guest:We get a version of what we've written.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But then kind of after like one or two times, it's like, I think it's more fun to like.
Marc:Just riv?
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, within the context of the story.
Marc:My question was, all right, so I'm watching it, and it's going along, and it's the daughter, and it's Matt Walsh, and it's funny.
Marc:I know the people in it, and I'm enjoying the story.
Marc:I don't want to do spoilers, but it's not really a spoiler, but as soon as you meet your daughter in the hallway at the frat house, there was part of me that's sort of like, oh my, did that just happen?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then, is that okay?
Marc:I found myself doing that.
Marc:Like, is that okay?
Guest:Is it okay?
Guest:I know.
Guest:I had the same thought of it.
Guest:I was like, ew, well, you know, why not her?
Guest:Like, I had to go back and forth and be like, oh, I wish she hadn't seen it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I was like, I was torn myself of like, is this a horrible thing?
Guest:But I was like, well, isn't the whole point that she's a person too?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And that was the underlying thing for me.
Guest:It's like, you think...
Guest:you know, you always think your parents are like only created up to a certain age.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:They were created so they could take care of me.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And then you hit a certain age and you're like, oh my God.
Guest:No, they're just people.
Guest:You had a life before I probably destroyed it.
Marc:Yeah, that I ruined.
Guest:So it's kind of a lot playing on that.
Marc:Oh, that makes sense.
Guest:That it's like, well, why not her?
Guest:They hit it off.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And they are just people and they are people with desires and things.
Yeah.
Marc:Are you parents, are they still alive?
Guest:They are.
Marc:And are they married?
Guest:They're married.
Guest:They're really funny and cute together.
Guest:They like hold hands and they take morning walks.
Guest:Like they're adorable.
Guest:They're very funny.
Guest:They actually have moved out.
Guest:They're going to start doing winters in L.A., which is like the greatest thing ever.
Guest:Because I haven't lived in the same city since I was 18.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And you've decided this is going to be the greatest thing ever?
Guest:They've been here for the last four months, and it's crushing my soul that they're going back.
Marc:Really?
Guest:They're like, well, we'll see you next winter.
Guest:I was like, no.
Guest:They're really funny.
Guest:They're up for anything.
Marc:How old are your kids?
Guest:My oldest is about to turn 11.
Guest:My youngest is eight.
Marc:Oh, so it's great to have a relationship with your grandparents.
Guest:Well, you go over and they live like a minute and a half away.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And we've never had that where it's like, they're like, we're going to grandma and grandpa's.
Guest:I'm like, oh my God, you can.
Guest:That's crazy.
Guest:They've never had that.
Guest:They have sleepovers.
Marc:Oh, because it used to be you'd have to send them there for like two weeks.
Guest:Well, we'd go there.
Guest:It's a big trip.
Guest:It's like a whole thing in Illinois, Plainfield.
Marc:Oh, so they're still there.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:They're still there.
Guest:So getting them out, I was like, do you need to be in Chicago for another winter?
Marc:Why are they?
Guest:Well, they did.
Guest:My dad was like, no.
Marc:But why don't they move out to permanent?
Guest:Well, my dad fishes a lot.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:And I think he would.
Marc:In the ice?
Marc:Is he an ice hole fisher?
Guest:No, he wants nothing to do with anything cold.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:But now that it's warmed up, he's like, he just went back last week for like two tournaments.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He's like, I got to share.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Fly fishing?
Guest:No.
Guest:Bass fishing on a boat.
Guest:He's like, I'm missing tournaments.
Guest:I'm like, well, I don't have you shackled here.
Guest:So he's like, he's out of his mind to get back there to go fishing.
Marc:Did you get him involved with like deep sea fishing?
Marc:Don't they have that?
Guest:No, he doesn't like the ocean.
Guest:He's like, I can't take the rolling tide.
Guest:I was like, what?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But he's not afraid of it.
Guest:No, it just makes him sick.
Guest:But he was going out to like Castaic and Lake Pyramid Lake out here.
Marc:He just sits there and fishes?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:just fishes he'll go every day no i like to like lay in a boat and read yeah and he's always like you gotta feel this jig i'm like ah can i just read and he's like you gotta feel this jig and then he wants you for like three hours he's like you feel that now just barely lift it you know what a jig is let it bring it up and that's it and i do it like six times i'm like that's great and i try to hand him the rod back and he's like no no no keep it up
Marc:Because you're waiting to feel a fish?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And that's the whole thing?
Guest:Yeah, I'm waiting to get a bite, but I was like, I just, I'm so happy laying at the bottom of the boat reading.
Marc:How many kids are in the family?
Guest:It's myself, and I have one older sister, three years older.
Marc:That's it?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:How'd that happen?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Terrible Irish Catholics.
Guest:I know.
Guest:They've been thrown out of both groups.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:No.
Guest:No.
Marc:Were you brought up like Catholic-y?
Guest:Yeah, 12 years of Catholic school.
Marc:No kidding.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:In Chicago.
Guest:In Plainfield, Illinois.
Marc:How far is that from Chicago?
Guest:Like 45 minutes.
Guest:When I grew up, it was a small, really rural farm town.
Guest:Now it's like a suburb, so it's kind of a bummer because it was like gravel roads.
Guest:We lived on a farm.
Marc:You come from farmers?
Guest:My dad actually worked in the city, but we lived on a farm.
Marc:Like a functioning farm?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Corn and soybean.
Marc:Oh, so you guys owned the property and it was farmed?
Guest:The farmers that farmed the land actually owned it.
Guest:And we just rented it and lived there.
Guest:And so we didn't do the farming.
Marc:Right.
Marc:They just came and did it.
Marc:And so that was your life, corn.
Guest:Corn and soybeans.
Guest:Don't forget the exciting world of soybeans.
Marc:Soybeans, yeah.
Guest:Which I didn't know humans could eat until I went to New York.
Guest:And I was like, wait.
Guest:i've been surrounded by the and i remember telling my parents i was like i went to a japanese restaurant you know you can eat soybeans they're like what it's called edamame we had no idea and now they love it and they're like isn't this a hoot oh they eat the edamame yeah that's great yeah now we're all they make tofu out of it soy milk they do i don't know we didn't know growing up we were like you didn't know what the point of soy was it was for feed for cattle
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:I grew up in alfalfa.
Guest:Oh, really?
Marc:Kind of, yeah.
Marc:In New Mexico.
Guest:They grow the- I didn't know that's where they grew alfalfa.
Marc:They grow it everywhere.
Marc:They just feed animals, the grass.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:We had about an acre and we sat there and then someone came and cut the stuff and baled it and took it away.
Marc:I don't think I've ever talked about that.
Guest:Was it like a full-
Guest:Was it a full farm?
Marc:No, no, it was just a house.
Marc:It was a house on a field, but it was, you know, there was enough of it.
Marc:I can't remember how, it wasn't that much, but, but they'd run, there was a ditch in front and they'd irrigate this stuff.
Marc:And maybe it was, I thought it was alfalfa.
Marc:Maybe I'm wrong.
Guest:No, it probably was, but that's like a full, I mean, when you have an irrigation system, you're, well, you gotta dip the, you gotta dip, you gotta take the, you know how that works?
Marc:No.
Marc:Oh.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:There was a ditch in front.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And they'd open up a gate from the subsidiary of the Real Grand River and fill with water.
Marc:Then you have these pipes that are curved and you'd sink them and get it filled with water and pull them out over the edge of the ditch and run the water.
Marc:I did it once.
Marc:I was not good at it.
Marc:And then I thought I'd try to be a man.
Marc:I tried that twice.
Marc:One time I tried to burn some weeds and then we had to call the fire department.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:Did it just take off?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:There was a house next door that was in danger.
Guest:Did anybody say, hey, go out and burn something?
Guest:Or were you just like, I'll take care of this?
Marc:No, I thought it was time.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It seems like the thing to do.
Marc:And it's a scary thing, fire.
Marc:You can't stop it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I think about what we used to burn.
Guest:It was like, well, screw you.
Guest:Everything went in the burn pile.
Mm-hmm.
Marc:on the farm burn it yeah you just haul it out and burn it and you just burn it what was the practicality of that i mean did they have garbage like there's someone be in my behind my girlfriend's house in highland park they're burning shit they're just burning stuff my dad still is like i'll just burn it and i'm like dad you can't you can't just put stuff in the backyard and burn it it's fun though i think there's i think that's the unspoken thing it's a great time setting things on fire
Guest:It is scary.
Guest:When I was little, I mean, probably like 10, like too old to be this dumb.
Guest:But I remember lighting toilet paper on fire.
Marc:Sure, yeah.
Guest:It was there.
Marc:Yeah, it was great.
Guest:And the whole, of course, the whole thing just caught up.
Guest:And I remember just being like, oh, shit.
Guest:Like I had to like get what I was like, and then immediately it was like, what do you think?
Guest:Why?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They're going to ask me why I did it.
Guest:And I don't have a single good answer other than like, I want to see if it would burn.
Guest:It's like dry, dry, thin paper.
Marc:Sure.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:There's a good chance it's going to burn.
Marc:It's exciting.
Guest:And I hid it all.
Guest:They never knew.
Marc:Oh, you hid.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:So, all right.
Marc:So how old's your sister?
Guest:She's three years older.
Guest:So she's like 51.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And what does she do?
Marc:She in show business?
Guest:No, she lives in Highlands Ranch, Colorado.
Marc:Oh, that's nice.
Marc:Sounds nice.
Marc:I don't know anything about it.
Guest:It's a lovely suburb outside of Denver.
Guest:She's very smart.
Guest:She's lovely.
Guest:She's a very nice person.
Guest:And every time I try to describe what she does, she's like...
Guest:really you still don't know I'm like you ghost write for doctor she's like I did that 20 years ago I'm like you are a communication specialist which I never know exactly what that means she's like yes that's right so she like writes for people and it's like marketing and I do a terrible this is the same bad job I do every time I try to explain I don't understand how people find that kind of work how they end up there I don't know I don't understand a lot of jobs
Guest:I never do.
Guest:I'm like, doing what?
Guest:What exactly do you do?
Guest:And she's like, well, I write for other people.
Guest:I'm like, but they're going to put their names on a book?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's a book?
Guest:Like, what?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's a book, though, she writes?
Guest:Well, she used to, for a while, she was ghostwriting for doctors, which I was like, but you're not a doctor.
Marc:Right.
Guest:She's like, well, no, I'm doing the writing part.
Guest:I was like, I don't understand what's happening.
Marc:For bios or for, you know, so you don't know.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It's like I've never met.
Marc:But she's doing well.
Guest:She's doing well.
Guest:She's great.
Marc:Margie's great.
Marc:And she's great at her job.
Marc:And she's great at her job.
Marc:The writing, the communications job.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:It's a community where she's communicating.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She's communicating verbally and with the typing computer.
Marc:So tell me, explain to me, because I'm not a religious person.
Marc:I'm a Jew by origin.
Guest:Sure.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And Catholics sort of fascinate me because so many people have a relationship with it.
Marc:And did you stay Catholic?
Marc:No.
Marc:Oh.
Marc:No, not at all.
Marc:So right from the beginning, you're going to a church, you're confessing.
Guest:Yep.
Guest:Which I always remember being in a confessional and, you know, especially when you're little, I was like, I don't know what I did.
Guest:I burned toilet paper.
Guest:I never said that.
Guest:I'll tell you what.
Guest:No, I didn't go in there and be like, P.S.
Guest:I burned a roll of toilet paper.
Guest:For no reason.
Guest:For no reason.
Guest:I kept that one secret.
Guest:But I remember just being like, um.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And, you know, you'd have that weird screen, which all I ever used to think about was like, can they see us more than we can see them?
Marc:But you know the guy, right?
Guest:Yeah, you know, so you're sitting behind a... The second you hear, there's only two priests.
Marc:Right, so it's one of them.
Guest:And one had a thick Romanian accent and the other one didn't.
Guest:I was like, uh, gee, I wonder who... It was so weird to me that first you went in the phone booth, but I was like, you know, if someone's outside, they can just hear it.
Guest:Like, we're not in a...
Guest:This isn't like a soundproof room.
Guest:We're in like an old wooden box with big gaps.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And then I'm sitting behind this like, you know, a piece of cloth and I know who it is.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I could never kind of stop thinking about.
Marc:Why would you tell that guy anything?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So I just make stuff up.
Guest:I was like, I didn't listen to my parents, like the most generic.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And this went on through your whole life?
Guest:Yeah, pretty much.
Guest:Because by the time I was like, well, I'm not murdering people.
Guest:No.
Guest:And now I wish I would have been like, I killed three people.
Guest:Just wait to see if like, is he going to say something?
Guest:Is he going to break his vows and like rat me out?
Guest:But I never did that.
Guest:I just continued to say like lame.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So it was just something you had to do.
Guest:You had to do it.
Guest:And then they give you penance.
Guest:And then you were supposed to go sit in a pew and say the penance.
Guest:And I was like, I don't know.
Guest:I just always had the thing.
Guest:I was like, God doesn't care if I lied to my parents.
Guest:I was like, I always was like, I think I think whatever I think God is, is like nicer than what they did.
Guest:It was always like, you know, be afraid.
Marc:Did you think of hell?
Marc:Did you believe in it?
Guest:I think I did then.
Guest:I don't believe in it now.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I always think, I feel like really religious people really have the lowest concept of what God is.
Guest:I'm like, God just seems like a really angry drunk.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Where I'm like, I think whoever, whatever it is, is probably like so evolved, they don't really care about 99% of what we do.
Guest:They'll just be like, well, you're all idiots.
Guest:It's fine.
Guest:But the damnation and like, yo, burn.
Marc:I was like,
Marc:You didn't buy it?
Guest:No, I just was always like, really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But you had to wear the outfits and everything?
Guest:Yeah, wear like the plaid skirt.
Guest:And I did ask a note, which I was always sent to the office.
Marc:You were sent to the office?
Guest:Yeah, because I'd asked things like, I remember asking, we had a world religion class, which to me says we're going to learn about other.
Guest:And in Plainfield, Illinois, that was like the most exotic thing that had ever been.
Guest:come my way and i was like oh my god other other religions other thing and everything was just like but the muslims follow the incorrect god and the and it was all say that it was all on this negative spin and i finally was like which i really i wasn't trying to be a smart ass i said well
Guest:But if how do you know that to the nun?
Guest:I said, how do you know you're following the right one?
Guest:And she just went like gray and stared at me.
Guest:And I was like, you know, I'd done the reading.
Guest:I was like, it's an informed question.
Guest:And I wasn't even being like argumentative.
Guest:I was like, just how do you know?
Guest:Because God would tell me.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Tell her.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Well, what do you mean?
Guest:She's like, God, I know that I'm following the correct way because if I wasn't, God would tell me.
Guest:I was like, well, then why isn't he told the Muslims and the Jews and people that just live in a jungle that don't follow specified religion?
Guest:She was like, you get out of here.
Guest:And I had to go see the principal.
Guest:And it was like in fourth grade.
Guest:I was like, what did I do?
Guest:I just remember leaving being like, you said, are there any questions?
Guest:You are nothing like your sister.
Guest:She didn't answer it.
Guest:She didn't bother anybody.
Guest:No.
Guest:I was like, Margie would never ask that.
Guest:And I'm like...
Marc:So you had to go and then you'd be.
Guest:I had to go to the principal and say what I said.
Guest:And she was like, maybe, maybe, you know, maybe next time you just just listen and try to soak it all in and really enjoy the reading.
Guest:I was like, she said, are there any questions?
Guest:And I asked a question.
Guest:She's like, I think you're missing the point.
Guest:I was like, I think I I'm like nailing the point.
Guest:No, they were just like, shut up.
Marc:And did you get sent to the place a lot?
Marc:I mean, when did you become a problem?
Marc:Come on.
Marc:You became a problem.
Guest:Well, that was younger.
Guest:Once I got into high school, I wasn't, even though I looked like I was problematic, but I was like the nerd that actually read this stuff and participated in the class.
Marc:You looked problematic?
Guest:How so?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I looked like Susie Sue and like Robert Smith had a baby.
Marc:Oh, you did that?
Guest:So I did that, and I was like, this is the greatest thing.
Guest:For sure.
Guest:Raven blue black for years.
Guest:Really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And that was your thing?
Marc:That was my thing.
Marc:You were kind of pre-goth, sad emo girl?
Guest:Sad, yeah.
Guest:Without the emo, like the emo thing, it wasn't like sad.
Guest:I just was like, my hair looks rad.
Marc:Yeah, right.
Marc:Okay, so you're just doing the fashion of it?
Guest:Yeah, just the fashion.
Guest:I could never get depressed enough.
Guest:I was like, hey.
Marc:You're not depressive at all.
Guest:no i don't feel like you would be because i'm always like i don't know just too many things are stupid to me that makes me like that character in the movie that played your roommate what's that girl's name again oh my god heidi gardner yeah so funny she's so so crazy funny she commits to like she just never break like she doesn't push and she never breaks and she's it's funny because she was at groundlings when she did that and
Marc:That character?
Guest:No, just when we met her.
Guest:That's how we knew her from the Groundlings Theater.
Guest:And then right after she was done shooting, she called and was like, oh my God, I just auditioned for SNL.
Guest:And I was like, you are going to kill that show.
Guest:And she was like, first show, she was actually like being featured on it.
Marc:When she was shooting your movie?
Guest:Yeah, she wasn't doing SNL.
Guest:It happened right after and I was so proud of her.
Marc:Oh, that character she does Every Boxer's Girlfriend?
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:That is crazy character.
Guest:That was like three weeks in.
Guest:You know how that first year, it's like you may not even get on camera?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It's like, is she having solo things right away?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And she's so fun.
Guest:She just can drop into something and does that great thing of not push, but really sits in it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I just think she's so funny.
Marc:So when did you start performing?
Marc:Like in high school?
Marc:No, I did that.
Marc:Did you do theater with your blue hair?
Guest:No.
Guest:No, I did sports and then- What sports?
Guest:Tennis was my biggie.
Guest:Tennis?
Guest:Yeah, I love tennis.
Guest:Were you good?
Guest:Yeah, I was pretty good.
Marc:Yeah?
Marc:And then- You still play?
Guest:Every once in a while.
Guest:I don't play as much as I want.
Guest:I keep saying like, I don't know why I don't play.
Marc:Does it come back?
Guest:Yeah, except now I just crush the ball.
Guest:So he's like, just play easy.
Guest:Play easy.
Guest:And the whole time the ball's coming to me, I was like, just play easy.
Guest:Just play easy.
Guest:And then I go crazy.
Guest:Because I had no finesse game, even when I played and I could really play.
Guest:I just tried to shove the ball down someone else's throat.
Guest:And I did that to my daughters.
Yeah.
Marc:Your little daughters?
Guest:And I didn't mean to.
Guest:Yes, the ball was coming, and I was like, okay.
Guest:And I even said, like, just going to pop it back over.
Guest:And then, like, my mind snaps.
Guest:I go crazy.
Guest:And I reared back, and I hit it so hard.
Guest:It, like, hit one of my girls, and I was like, I'm a monster.
Guest:Well, one, I wasn't aiming for anything.
Guest:Like, my aim is terrible now.
Guest:Did she cry and everything?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:It was like, Mama, why?
Guest:Because it looked like I was 100% aiming for her face.
Guest:It really, like, nailed her.
Marc:And you were like that in high school too?
Marc:You'd just slam it?
Guest:Oh, yes.
Guest:I would try to hit the opponent right off the bat.
Guest:I wanted to hit them really hard because I thought that would make them jittery.
Marc:Freak them out?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So that was your plan?
Marc:That was your strategy?
Marc:That was my strategy.
Marc:If I just hit the guy and not hurt him or her, and then they'd just be freaked out.
Guest:They'll be nervous.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And then they'll be more concentrated on not getting hit.
Marc:Did you do that ever?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:I'd zing a couple.
Yeah.
Guest:And I hit really hard.
Guest:Like other people, like when Ben and I play, Ben's always like, I'm a terrible player.
Guest:The fact that you don't beat me.
Guest:But it's like he just barely taps it back over.
Guest:And then every time he's like, if you'd stop trying to kill the ball, you would beat me every time.
Guest:I'm like, I know.
Guest:And I tell myself that right until my arm, when the racket goes back, it's like suddenly my eyes turn red and like steam comes out.
Guest:And then I'm like, boom.
Guest:and i i can't i hit everything like a thousand miles an hour and then just it's nowhere in yeah but it's i hit it satisfying it's really satisfying i think you do that with comedy sometimes perhaps maybe that's i'm a real one trick pony i just do everything like aggressively well no but there's a build it starts out nice
Guest:It does always turn forceful, maybe.
Guest:And then it's just sort of like, ah!
Guest:There's something about the build to not holding anything back that I think is... I mean, I would say normally, because you can't do that in your real life.
Marc:You can't, really.
Guest:Unless you're on a tennis court.
Guest:Yes, but that's the cathartic thing of it, I think.
Guest:Don't you?
Marc:Yeah, when you yell...
Guest:Yeah, that you can play like when you say things in character, you're like, well, I wouldn't say that in life.
Marc:Well, I think there's something satisfying if it's if you've extracted the the true anger from it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The root of it.
Marc:It's like like I used to yell and it was not good.
Marc:You know.
Guest:In life you would yell?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:I'd yell in life.
Marc:But I'd yell on stage too.
Marc:But if you have anger in you and you've processed it a little bit, then it can be funny.
Marc:But if it's unprocessed anger, a lot of times people are like, why do we come to this club?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:If it doesn't flip over whatever that line is, you're like, oh, that's just a really angry person.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And that's no good.
Marc:But somehow if it's sort of like, why me?
Yeah.
Guest:then it gets funny but if it's like fuck you it's not i think when you're mad at yourself or somehow that's funny just speak the shit out of yourself if you stay the butt of your own joke even if you're trying to pretend it's somebody else yeah you still are the main ass i feel like you can push really hard right if it's really mean yeah and it's supposed to be funny i'm always like
Guest:That's a tricky line.
Guest:I can't walk that line.
Marc:Yeah, I had a hard time with that.
Marc:I remember I did one roast and I couldn't do it right.
Marc:Because if I'm mean, I mean it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Do you know what I mean?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:I couldn't do a roast.
Marc:It's not going to come out like, hey, and just be casually shitting on somebody.
Marc:I'm going to be like, you fucking piece of shit.
Guest:You're going to say something real.
Marc:Well, just the tone even.
Marc:Even if it's cute, the tone will be so cutting.
Marc:Because I've used comedy like that reactively, but I don't do it on stage anymore.
Marc:If I'm worked up, I try to make myself the funny guy.
Yeah.
Guest:Have you ever come back at like, I found when I did stand up, I thought the craziest thing was, you know, especially when you're just starting out and you have like, I've only got six minutes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But it's the heckling.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like, do you, like when people, nobody really heckles you anymore, would they?
Guest:Or is there always like the drunk that's like, take your top off.
Marc:Well, no, yeah, I get that one a lot.
Marc:It's weird.
Yeah.
Guest:It's me.
Marc:It's me in the back.
Guest:Is she following me?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:There he is.
Guest:Take your top off.
Marc:Take your top off.
Marc:Sometimes, you know, people talk, you know, but I can tell the difference if they're just like, the wall is broken down and they're just reacting.
Marc:So I've always had that problem where people, like sometimes I'll look at one person in the crowd for no reason.
Marc:Like I just end up on them.
Marc:And at some point they're like, why are you?
Marc:What's happening?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You're freaking me out.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:Or people will answer me as if we're having a conversation, which is not hostile.
Marc:But if I feel bad energy, or if somebody's talking to somebody else, I mean, I don't...
Marc:My tactic now is to be really hostile and horrible to them immediately and then kind of do this thing where it's sort of like, oh, I'm sorry.
Marc:I meant to say, could you please quiet down?
Marc:What came out?
Marc:Whoopsie-doo.
Marc:Oh, I don't know what I just said.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:Why is that lady crying and leaving?
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I just couldn't get...
Guest:I mean, you do real sets, but it's like I found I just found it so weird that because it was like there was no matter what club, there's always the drunk guy that goes, take your top off.
Guest:And I want to be like, well, what?
Guest:I'm in a dress.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It's going to be hard because it's not a two piece.
Guest:And then I'm just it's a mess.
Guest:But the only way to get them to be quiet was like, well, now I couldn't just say one thing and move on from that person.
Guest:I'm like, now out of my six-minute set, because I'm just starting, I have to do four minutes and I have to annihilate you in a way that I don't want to do this.
Guest:But if I don't truly embarrass you to your core, we're now...
Marc:How are we going to move forward?
Guest:Then I can't move forward.
Guest:And then right after that, so now you finally shut up and I have to be like, hey, the craziest thing happened to me.
Guest:I was like, there's no, I can't flip that switch.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:That's why I was like, I can't do this.
Marc:You just level someone and go like, pasta.
Guest:That's why all your friends hate you.
Guest:Craziest thing happened on an airplane.
Guest:They're like, no, we just saw your true colors and you're a monster.
Marc:Right, we saw the monster.
Marc:We saw through it.
Marc:But do you believe you're angry in there or were?
Guest:No, I think I was, you know, I had more...
Guest:I think I was way more likely up until like, you know, through my early 20s to get like, oh, just like I'm irritated and like things aren't going, you know, you're working like 15 jobs and you're just like tired and mad.
Marc:And like, you know, life's a jip.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm 23.
Guest:I should be rolling.
Guest:It should all be going my way.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, did you finish college?
Guest:No.
Guest:I've got so much to offer.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Are you doing anything to do that?
Guest:No.
Guest:I'm going out a lot after my four shifts at work, and then I don't feel good in the mornings.
Guest:But other than that.
Guest:Yeah, I'm hungover all the time.
Guest:I hate my job.
Guest:That's my resources.
No.
Guest:Every night I spend more than I made that day.
Guest:Continuously.
Marc:Okay, so you went to college for a little while?
Guest:Yeah, I did.
Guest:I went like a year and a half-ish.
Marc:Where?
Guest:Southern Illinois.
Marc:So you didn't get out of Illinois.
Marc:You went right from Catholic school.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And when you were in your Robert Smith Susie phase, was there a lot of partying involved?
Yeah.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like that was my main thing in college.
Guest:I was like, well, I'm booking bands now.
Marc:Oh, you booked bands.
Guest:At this like local pizza thing where they let it.
Guest:And I was like, if I would have put a quarter of that energy into like classes, I would have been okay.
Marc:So at some point you let that drift too?
Marc:You weren't doing the homework?
Guest:I was just like, I wanted to go to New York.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And my parents are like, you'll kill yourself in New York.
Guest:And I was like, which I totally would have killed myself.
Marc:Just not on purpose.
Guest:No, just like going out to, I mean, I was just like, I want to be in a city.
Guest:I've been on a farm.
Guest:Like I just wanted to be in a city.
Marc:Were you bringing real bands in?
Guest:No, I was bringing in like my friends.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:So it was like crazy, you know.
Marc:So it was just a big.
Guest:We were booking like every once in a while.
Guest:Somebody's like, so-and-so from St.
Guest:Louis.
Guest:And we're like, ooh, the city.
Marc:But you were sort of involved with whatever the rural punk rock scene was.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:And just going out.
Guest:It was like, where is the low grade beer coming from?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And what are we doing after everything closes?
Guest:It was just like.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:It's just so fun.
Guest:I just felt like this is what it's about.
Guest:I'm like, I could have hit a class.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:We used to hang out in front of liquor stores, get old people to buy our liquor.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Did you?
Guest:We would send in Kristen, who was our most developed friend.
Guest:And we all thought she looked the oldest.
Guest:So we would just whore her out.
Marc:Did she have fake ID?
Guest:no she would just go up to somebody we're like she's pretty and she's a very large chest we're like go get us some beer fine and it worked yeah yeah and then you go drive around i know it's like the word like what are you thinking and also if some kid came up to me in a liquor store yeah and i always wonder about that i was i'd be like no i always what are you doing who are those people i always think about that
Guest:But you never went to somebody that you, I mean, you went to like the sleaziest person.
Marc:Well, I think there's that moment.
Marc:Like, I think what happens in people if they hate themselves enough is just sort of like, I remember being that kid.
Marc:I'm going to help him out.
Marc:I'm going to give him a six of Heineken.
Marc:Whatever.
Guest:Do you think that was it?
Guest:Like, oh, you poor son of a bitch.
Marc:Well, yeah.
Marc:That was me.
Marc:Yeah, maybe.
Marc:Maybe.
Marc:I mean, I don't know what else it would be.
Marc:But for some reason, it seems like, I don't know, I'm 54.
Marc:So, like, it didn't seem like drinking and driving was popular.
Marc:It was not an issue.
Guest:Nobody seems to mind.
Marc:They were talking about it.
Guest:I remember we got pulled over in my friend's huge station wagon, like a crazy one of those big old ones when I was in high school.
Guest:And there were, I think, seven of us in the back, like the wagon part.
Guest:And there were just beer cans everywhere.
Guest:And we were going somewhere.
Guest:And the cops pulled us over.
Guest:He did the light thing, talked to the driver, who she was actually not drinking, and went back, looked in the back seat, and then looked in the back, and there's like seven girls rattling around back there with like 800 beers.
Guest:And he was just like, have a good night.
Guest:And I think about that all the time.
Guest:I was just like, in what world do you not get us out of the car?
Guest:And we all were like, you know, 16.
Marc:Yeah, it's the same world where his buddy probably bought you beer.
Marc:Probably.
Marc:Or he wasn't in his uniform.
Marc:We were like, excuse me, sir.
Marc:Were you driving around in the sticks, though?
Marc:Because the sticks have different rules.
Guest:Sticks have different rules.
Guest:No, this was like in the big city of Joliet, Illinois, where the prison is.
Marc:Sure, sure.
Guest:Not to be showy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Wow.
Guest:But yeah, we drive by Statesville.
Marc:All right, so you go to college for a year and a half, and just what?
Marc:What happens?
Yeah.
Guest:And then I was like, I don't know what I'm doing.
Guest:I wanted to like, I wanted to go to FIT.
Marc:Are you still wearing the hair with the?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Oh, so FIT, that was the plan?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So you were going to go further with the hair.
Guest:Yeah, I wanted to, I was like, I'm going into fashion.
Guest:Because I took, you know, I took clothing and textile classes at school.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I wanted to make clothes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And they're like, we're going to make potholders.
Guest:I was like, I don't want a home ec class.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:Like, I want to make a suit.
Guest:I want to make this.
Guest:I'm like, I've been, like, I knew how to sew.
Marc:Did you make a suit?
Yeah.
Guest:not there because they were like, we're going to start with potholders.
Marc:Potholders?
Guest:That's what I said.
Guest:I said, this is, and I was like, this is lame.
Guest:This isn't a fashion class.
Guest:I said, I know how to make clothing.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She goes, then you should make a very good potholder.
Marc:Oh, wow.
Guest:So my response to that is, I'm never showing up here again.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:It's like the nun of a different denomination.
Guest:That's what it felt like.
Guest:It felt like I finally went to college and I thought we were going to be like discussing things and doing really creative stuff.
Guest:And I was like, this is the same crap from high school where it's just a teacher that doesn't really care being like, and I was like a potholder.
Marc:And that was that for that.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:That was the end of the fashion dream.
Yeah.
Guest:No, I made clothes on my own.
Guest:Oh, you made your own clothes.
Guest:Yeah, for a while I was going to make... I started meeting with drag queens because I was going to make them start doing gowns and stuff.
Marc:Where, in Chicago?
Guest:Nope, Southern Illinois.
Marc:Right, so what city?
Marc:That's...
Guest:Carbondale.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:So was there enough of a drag queen resource?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, good.
Marc:There really was.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:There was some good shows.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you started doing that?
Guest:I never ended up doing it, but I remember meeting with a bunch of people, and then couldn't make up a reminder, didn't want to actually pay enough for it.
Marc:Did you make your own clothes?
Yeah.
Guest:Sometimes I would make my own, but I would always alter, like change stuff.
Guest:Like if I'd get something, I'd be like, I should rip that in half and then do that.
Guest:Like I loved monkeying with stuff.
Marc:And a lot of eyeliner.
Marc:So much eyeliner.
Guest:And white, like white stage makeup.
Guest:Like full true kabuki.
Guest:And then just like black mascara on my eyebrows and like, you know, I would like put big rectangles over my eyes.
Guest:And then, of course, if somebody looked, be like, what are you looking at?
Marc:Right.
Marc:Sure.
Guest:You don't get it.
Marc:Do you look back on that?
Marc:How do you feel about that girl now?
Guest:I think I was bored and I think it was pretty funny.
Guest:Like I remember just doing certain things and being like, that's crazy.
Guest:Like when I shaved, I came home from a, I would spent the night downtown Chicago with like a friend that had already gone to college and I came home and I had my head wrapped and
Guest:And I had shaved, I'd say an inch and a half of my hairline, like bald.
Guest:And I continued the white kabuki makeup up onto my skull.
Guest:And my sister came home and Margie goes, is anybody going to stop her?
Guest:And I thought, I was like, look, my head looks malformed.
Guest:And I just, I thought it was the funniest thing.
Guest:And I still had the rest of my head.
Guest:They thought I shaved the whole thing.
Guest:And like finally the scarf came out.
Guest:But it was more bizarre that my hairline-
Guest:Like an inch and a half, which I'll tell you what, you get this curve in with makeup that it's it's a real head turner because people are like, what's wrong with her head?
Guest:And I'd be like, it looks crazy, right?
Guest:And it didn't bother me at all.
Guest:I just thought it was the, for some reason, I thought it was really, really funny to just do things that were like so unappealing and like so weird looking.
Guest:But I was like, I don't know.
Guest:I was fascinated with like what you could do.
Marc:And what did your parents say?
Guest:They were like, oh my God, Missy.
Guest:You're making choices.
Guest:And I was like, I know.
Guest:Look at it from profile.
Guest:I mean, it really looks like I've had a head injury.
Guest:They were like, Jesus.
Guest:Because a year earlier, I was kind of preppy.
Guest:And I was a cheerleader.
Guest:And I did tennis.
Guest:And I was student council.
Guest:And then the next year, I was like, I should probably just start going downtown Chicago.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was like a pretty sudden switch.
Marc:But I think that's about right.
Marc:Right?
Marc:That's when you're supposed to do that.
Guest:Yes, I got bored.
Guest:I was bored.
Marc:But you weren't mean to your parents.
Marc:You weren't like, fuck you or anything.
Guest:I wasn't great from like 16 to 18.
Guest:I was a bit of a dick.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And I don't know why.
Guest:And it went, it started really suddenly and it went off really suddenly.
Guest:Like I remember going off and being like, Oh my God, I've got to call mom.
Guest:And I called her and I was like, I'm so sorry about the last two years.
Guest:I don't, cause they're super nice.
Guest:They're super supportive.
Guest:And I just suddenly was like, Oh,
Guest:drop me off down the street i don't want anyone to know that like i'm not driving myself and that was like at 15 she was like well none of you are driving nobody none of your friends have your license yet and i was like oh you don't get it and then i'd walk by all my friends cars and i'd be like hey mrs kerner like i had no problem and i'd say hello to all their moms right but suddenly it was like that really cliche thing of like i was just suddenly like
Guest:so i just wanted to be older yeah right and so i just acted out and i was like i was so i was such a jerk to them and then when i realized i still to this day sometimes i'm like i am sorry about that couple of years you're just like you're just like belligerent and like you know it's
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I just wanted to stay out.
Guest:And they're like, you're not coming home at two in the morning.
Guest:You're you're 16 years old.
Guest:And I was like, this is crazy.
Guest:And he's like, no, it's crazy that you want to.
Guest:First of all, you shouldn't be downtown Chicago.
Guest:He's like, I moved to a farm to keep my children out of Chicago and I can't keep you from going to Chicago.
Marc:And that's where you'd go?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And what'd you do in Chicago?
Guest:We'd go to clubs and we'd go to like, there was like a juice bar called Medusa's that was 18 or under, but it was like a full club.
Guest:18 or over?
Guest:18 and under.
Guest:Oh, 18 and under?
Marc:Yeah, so it was a juice bar.
Marc:So if you're over 18, you couldn't go?
Guest:I don't know about that.
Guest:I wasn't.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:But it was like, it felt like a real club.
Guest:And then we'd, you know, eventually got IDs, and we'd sneak into, like, the Metro.
Marc:Right.
Marc:You got fake IDs.
Guest:In Berlin, yeah.
Guest:But it's like, we just wanted to, like, dance.
Guest:I mean, we would drink, but the main thing, I was like, they're all going to, like, Tom's house, like we've been doing since freshman year and having the same party.
Guest:I was like, we are downtown Chicago listening to, like, unbelievable music.
Guest:And it's like...
Guest:I'm not surrounded by the same 14 people.
Guest:It was just like the most exciting thing ever.
Marc:Well, thank God you did that.
Marc:Seriously, because you have to do that.
Marc:You've got to want to get out.
Marc:I wanted to get out.
Marc:I was in New Mexico, and I wanted nothing more than it.
Guest:Where did you go?
Guest:What was your get out place?
Marc:Well, in New Mexico, you got your driver's license at 15.
Marc:And then I got a job by the university, so I was engaging with freak people, like older weirdos.
Marc:And like like the guy who worked at the record store next door turned me on to all this weird music.
Marc:And then there was a whole art scene.
Marc:There was a New Mexico University in New Mexico had like there was a lot of artists there.
Marc:So I was sort of hanging out like going to weird parties.
Guest:With everybody who was older than you?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I remember bringing one of my townie buddies to one of these college parties with all these freaks.
Marc:There was a bondage theme.
Marc:It was weird art stuff.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:And I remember my buddy, we walk in, and he was like, what the fuck?
Marc:No, these are college kids.
Guest:What the fuck are we doing?
Guest:This is college.
Guest:This is the goal.
Marc:Some guy's just in a latex suit.
Marc:It was one of those guys.
Marc:It wasn't like a whole gay thing, but there was the guy who I knew from the record store had a band that only played twice a year, and they wore surgical suits, and they broke fiesta wear, and it was complicated.
Guest:But isn't it like once you see that, it's still just like, well, it's kind of hard to go back to someone's parents' basement.
Marc:it is yeah after you see sure because you're like there's a world out there yeah that i don't understand at all no and i want to be part of it yeah for god's sake so so when do you get out when do you when did you decide to leave siu yeah go do like be funny what clicked in your brain that realized you like i can't make my own clothes
Guest:I moved to because school was not working out for me.
Guest:My sister was in Boulder, Colorado.
Guest:And I was like, I guess I'll go visit.
Guest:And I stayed there for, I don't know, not a full year.
Guest:But I had one of my best friends who was in New York came out to visit me.
Guest:He's like, what are you doing here?
Marc:In Boulder?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Were you just working?
Guest:I work at a farmer's market.
Guest:I was trying to get this shoe like there was an actual like a shoe cobbler that I kept trying to talk into like teaching me how to make shoes that wasn't working out.
Guest:And he's like, no, what are you doing here?
Guest:Like, what are you?
Guest:Why are you in Boulder, Colorado?
Guest:I'm like, I don't know.
Marc:Oh, you're just lost?
Guest:He's like, you should come to, and I was like, I want to come to New York, but I have like, I think I had like $35.
Guest:And he's like, just get a ticket.
Guest:And you can move in with me.
Marc:Saved it.
Marc:Who was that person?
Guest:Brian Atwood.
Guest:He saved you.
Guest:One of my closest friends from high school.
Guest:And I moved in with him.
Guest:Of course, when I got to New York.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:like after the like ride in yeah it had like you know then i had like nine dollars left for my big move and he was staying on someone's couch he didn't really even have his own no so i came with all these bags and this girl was like what i'm like i'm here uh brian's advice she's like he doesn't live here he's staying on my couch i'm like oh um oh boy
Guest:Like, I don't have enough money.
Guest:I can't go anywhere.
Guest:I have no money.
Guest:How old are you?
Guest:20.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She was so mad at me.
Guest:And I was like, I know it's weird, but I mean, I literally cannot go anywhere else.
Guest:And we stayed there for like, you know, until we got our own apartment.
Guest:I was like, oh, my God.
Guest:He just never thought to mention, by the way.
Marc:I don't really live at the place.
Marc:I don't live there, but come on out.
Marc:I'm curious about the cobbler.
Marc:What was that relationship?
Guest:Well, I kept me, I was like trying to like, I was drawing bags for her and I was trying to get her labels.
Guest:And I just went into like, I said, I'll just help you do whatever you need done.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:If you teach me how to make shoes.
Guest:Cause she would like do it on last and did the, and I was like, that would be amazing.
Marc:Did you make any shoes?
Guest:No, she kept just putting it off.
Guest:But I think I cleaned her place a lot.
Marc:The shoe dream never manifested.
Guest:Yeah, the shoe dream never manifested.
Guest:But boy, were her floors clean.
Marc:All right, so you're in New York, no money.
Marc:You're doing jobs.
Marc:Like, I'm trying to figure out.
Guest:The first, I moved in with Brian.
Guest:We went to a grocery store, and he picked up a Village Voice, and he said, you're going to do stand-up tomorrow night.
Guest:And that was the first night in.
Marc:So he knew you were funny, and you had not discussed that or anything?
Marc:Right.
Guest:We had always done this thing called Miss Y, and that was kind of an alter ego, and we would always make up these stories.
Guest:When we were out, I'd tell kind of long, weird stories, and he's like, you have to do it, you have to do it.
Guest:And we never really talked about doing it.
Guest:It was just like a thing we did when we were goofing around.
Guest:And he's like, you're going to do stand-up tomorrow.
Guest:And being 20, I was like, all right.
Yeah.
Marc:And you did it.
Guest:Didn't think about it, didn't write anything, just got up.
Marc:Where?
Guest:And Stand Up New York was the first place.
Guest:My favorite place was the duplex.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest:I love that.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:But Stand Up New York was the...
Marc:Yeah, that was a weird room.
Guest:Yeah, and it's, you know, especially when you're doing an open mic.
Marc:Yeah, and it's a weird thin room, and that stage was kind of narrow, and yeah.
Guest:Everybody's rooting against everybody, which I was like, it was kind of weird.
Marc:How'd you do?
Guest:I didn't do terribly, because I got to come back, but I'm sure if I watched it now, it would be like the hackiest hack stuff.
Marc:Yeah, but you didn't walk in with stand-up?
Marc:How long did you do it?
Guest:I did it probably only six months.
Guest:And then I just didn't like the heckling stuff.
Guest:I couldn't get past- Take your top off?
Guest:Yeah, take your top off.
Guest:And I was just bored with it.
Guest:I was like, oh God, it's not even a different line.
Guest:And I dressed kind of like a drag queen.
Guest:I'd go with wigs and I was pretty exaggerated looking on stage.
Guest:So I was like, really?
Marc:Really?
Marc:I didn't hide myself well enough.
Marc:I didn't desexualize enough for you to-
Guest:I was like, what, what do I have to address?
Guest:I was just, I just got tired of it.
Guest:So I was like, maybe, maybe I'll just go and do like something else.
Guest:I started an acting class and then I never went back to it.
Guest:Now I'm too chicken.
Guest:Oh, well now I find it terrifying.
Marc:Well, but yeah, I guess.
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, that makes sense.
Marc:Which acting class did you, did you stay in that?
Guest:I did.
Guest:I did it for two years.
Marc:Which one?
Guest:Michael Harney, who is- I know that guy.
Guest:He's an amazing actor.
Guest:He was on True Detectives.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He's the warden on Orange is the New Black.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:And it was a very serious class.
Guest:It was a two-year program.
Marc:What school?
Guest:It was his acting school and we were Meisner trained.
Guest:And like no business talk.
Guest:He's like, I don't want to see headshots.
Guest:I don't want to talk.
Guest:I don't want anybody to talk about auditions.
Guest:Just come in here and learn to act and keep all that.
Marc:So you did Meisner sort of like, you know, listening and engaging.
Marc:You have a blue shirt.
Marc:I have a blue shirt.
Guest:I have a blue shirt.
Marc:You have a blue shirt, yeah.
Guest:And it went on.
Guest:And for some reason I was like, this is the greatest thing ever.
Marc:It is pretty good.
Marc:It locks you into something.
Guest:It totally does.
Guest:I loved it and it totally made sense to my head that it wasn't about the words as much as it was like what you were.
Guest:I was like, it's a perfect example of it doesn't matter what you're saying.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And gets you present?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:So you did that for two years and then you got an agent?
Guest:No, I couldn't figure that part out.
Guest:I just kept putting on plays and, like, one-act things with other people where I would get it together in New York.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Some random room.
Guest:And the goal was just to make enough money if we could, like, break even.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Then we could, like, go to the next one and break even on that.
Marc:Were they comedies?
Marc:No.
Guest:So you were serious?
Guest:All dramatic stuff.
Marc:How did that get... I did a lot of... How'd the wheels come off of that?
Marc:I did...
Guest:I finally moved to L.A.
Guest:because I was like, I don't know how to get an agent.
Guest:And I never wanted to leave New York, but I moved out here and moved in with a friend who let me move into a studio, which was very nice.
Guest:And my sister had sent me something ripped out of a magazine on Groundlings.
Guest:And I was like, L.A.
Guest:theater will be amazing.
Guest:I didn't know.
Guest:I'd never been here before.
Marc:So you just did that on a whim, too.
Marc:You just came out here?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And again, I was completely broke, but I knew like it wasn't, I was doing plays all the time, but I was like, I don't know how to make this a, I don't know how to make it a living.
Marc:Someone show me the portal.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because I was like, I just, I don't get it.
Marc:I don't know how you break in.
Marc:Varney said no headshots.
Marc:We're not going to learn about business.
Marc:Which is fine.
Guest:Which is actually like it was kind of great because that never entered into it.
Guest:It wasn't part of like who's doing what.
Guest:I just always remember like the what was it like the toy.
Guest:There was a toy thing that happened once a year.
Marc:Toy Drive, where you got to bring toys in?
Guest:No, it was like the Toy Fair.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And all these huge companies came, and that's where people started getting jobs.
Marc:The Toy Fair?
Guest:Yeah, it was like, I'm playing Barbie.
Marc:Oh, I see.
Guest:And somebody really like- Yeah, so they cast- Yeah, and so whoever you're playing at that, because it was supposed to be really good money, and I could never, I was like, oh my God, I can't even get, I can't even get, I'm a Rubik's Cube.
Guest:Like there was just nothing.
Marc:And undone.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And it was a real like, it was that point in the year where everybody was like, yeah, I am Barbie.
Marc:Oh, really?
Guest:That was like, I'm still nannying and working two shifts.
Marc:You nannied?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:I nannied for a long time.
Marc:In New York?
Guest:In New York and in L.A.
Marc:Yeah?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That's a nice gig.
Guest:I loved it.
Guest:I loved it.
Guest:I loved the kids.
Guest:I loved the family.
Marc:Being in other people's houses.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:In a nicer house, I was like, oh, you live so nicely.
Guest:I moved in with a really lovely family, and I was like, I have my own bathroom.
Yeah.
Guest:Like in New York, I was like, what?
Guest:I felt like, I was like, oh my God, I have like a benefactor.
Guest:This was like the greatest.
Guest:I was like, sorry the room is so small.
Guest:I was like, it's mine.
Guest:I'd been living on like a floor.
Marc:How long did you live with them?
Guest:I lived with them a couple of years.
Marc:Wow.
Guest:Yeah, I went from there to LA, but I was like, well, I was like crushed leaving.
Guest:I was really close to them.
Marc:Yeah, and you left because you had to follow the dream.
Guest:I just knew I needed to do something different.
Guest:I was like, I'm not figuring it out here.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That's so funny because I don't, you probably noticed, like I noticed, like I didn't, I didn't, I just assumed that it would all just fall into place without having any knowledge of it whatsoever.
Marc:If I just showed up at the place.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Eventually working so hard.
Guest:Somebody does.
Guest:Don't these people come and see plays.
Marc:You have no idea how show business works.
Marc:None.
Marc:It's weird.
Marc:None.
Marc:And you realize, after you've been out here a while, that that still exists.
Marc:There's just a world of people that are like, when's it?
Marc:I know.
Guest:It's like, I'm doing monologues in my bedroom.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I don't see why it's not working.
Marc:I put them online.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But it's hard to crack the code.
Guest:It really is.
Guest:And people are resistant to somebody new.
Marc:And you don't know what managers are good or what agents are good.
Marc:No.
Marc:So you come out here and you go to Groundlings.
Marc:That's where you learned, probably?
Guest:I think of that like my college.
Marc:I feel like that's where I learned everything.
Marc:You took the class?
Guest:Took classes and eventually got in Sunday Company.
Guest:I was there for 12 or 13 years.
Marc:Before you did anything?
Guest:Um, I started doing a show during the time there.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:But, you know, up until I wasn't work, certainly wasn't working very much.
Guest:Like I still had, I always had like two, like a couple jobs.
Marc:So you're in Sunday company when, who was your, who was your crew?
Marc:Uh,
Guest:It was like Kristen Wiig, Annie Mumolo, Maya Rudolph, Jim Rash, Nat Faxon.
Guest:Like a really kind of crazy.
Marc:Jim Rash.
Marc:I just saw his movie on the plane.
Guest:Oh, you did?
Guest:The way, way back.
Guest:Isn't it good?
Marc:Yeah, it's nice.
Guest:Yeah, it's lovely.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, so we had kind of a crazy group.
Guest:Like I remember Maya got a show and we were all like...
Guest:But we also were all kind of, you know, she just seemed magical.
Guest:She seems magical.
Guest:Like she still seems magical, but now I know her really well at the time.
Guest:We were just like, of course she did.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because she's amazing.
Guest:And then like left that show to go do SNL.
Guest:And we were like, what?
Guest:You're leaving one show to do SNL.
Guest:Like it just was like crazy.
Marc:But you knew once you were in Groundlings for a little while, but that was possible.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Then it became, and I felt like I found, also, I don't think I would have stayed in L.A.
Guest:without Groundlings.
Guest:I think I just needed to find other, it was like you literally found your other, like, strange people.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, like, how did, like, because you have, like, you have a style about you, and I think that it seems that, like, people who work in sketch who have the freedom to improvise and create characters, but you do, I think you seem to figure out over time what is funny about you.
Guest:I think you at least learn that what's funny to you and all you can do is that.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Because if you don't think it's funny, it's like if I truly think something's not funny, I'm like, I can't pull that off.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But like, but when you're on stage in a live situation, you start to realize like, I'm going to do this thing now because it's going to get a laugh.
Guest:And the adjustment is to me the most addicting thing.
Marc:The adjustment.
Guest:The adjustment of if it's working or if it's not working.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And if you alter something and you catch them, then I'm like, oh, my God.
Guest:Like, the second I felt that, and also I felt it the other way, but each time I'm like, ooh, they are not enjoying...
Guest:What I'm dishing out right now.
Guest:And I think that maybe teaches you more than anything.
Guest:It's the bomb.
Guest:Like when we all get together, it's like it's the bombs we talk about.
Guest:It's not like remember that great scene.
Guest:It's like remember when you were so embarrassed.
Guest:Like remember when people hated your guts on stage and like verbally hated you.
Guest:I'm like, no.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Remember quite a few of those.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Finding that and I think just being like, if I never worked, I was like, I found where I should be.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I don't care.
Guest:I'll keep doing other jobs and just keep doing this.
Marc:But when you think, when you say like the adjustment, like that seems to be like a tool of some kind.
Marc:Like when you did, like Gilmore Girls was not the most extreme character, but you had to be there for everybody and show up.
Marc:But it wasn't like over the top.
Marc:No.
Marc:So how do you construct a regular character like that?
Guest:I think it's still like from care.
Guest:I mean, I still think you have to, I always feel like I have to like my characters, even if, even if they're terribly flawed.
Guest:I mean, even if they seem like monsters in my head, I'm like, but I know what they mean.
Marc:I know like their intent, like I kind of show was written to like, you know, when it's written, when it's there, you're like, Oh, okay.
Guest:It was written to be done word for word like that.
Guest:So there was absolutely no, there was no, uh, looseness to that.
Marc:And I had a real style.
Marc:How'd you get that gig?
Yeah.
Guest:Alex Borstein, she actually got it first.
Guest:And then I think she couldn't get out of her MAD TV contract.
Guest:And so, I know, I was like, oh.
Marc:She's working now.
Guest:She's working now.
Guest:She's good, everybody.
Marc:She's just fine.
Marc:She's on the amazing Miss Maisel.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Same creator as Gilmore.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And she's so funny.
Marc:Oh, that's funny.
Marc:That's true.
Marc:It's like, guess what?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:We're going to make this right.
Marc:We're going to make this right.
Guest:And I don't blame her.
Guest:I was like, Alex is really funny.
Guest:But she couldn't do it, and then they saw all these people, and that was like – that was the first – I mean, I got that job, and I think I was 29, and I was about to be 30 the next week, and I thought, all right, this has been a –
Guest:solid 10 years of grinding it.
Guest:And I was like, I'll just stay in production.
Guest:I was like a production coordinator.
Guest:Oh, so that's what you're doing for money?
Guest:Yeah, at that point I was.
Guest:And I was like, if I don't get something by the time I'm 30 and I had a week...
Guest:I'd been telling myself this for like six months.
Guest:I was like, don't chase it if it's not meant to be.
Guest:And I was like, I like doing production.
Guest:I said, at 30, you're going to just go for that.
Guest:And then I got Gilmore like a week away from being 30.
Marc:It's weird.
Marc:You probably could have been all right with production.
Guest:I still was like, there's real creativity in it.
Guest:And it's like you're still making something.
Guest:And you're engaging with people all the time.
Guest:You're like, where's the, how come craft services isn't?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was running around being like, I'll get it.
Guest:Why am I still lifting cases of water?
Marc:But Gilmore Girls, Jesus, that was a great run.
Guest:Crazy.
Guest:Because that went seven years, eight years, seven years.
Marc:And people love it.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:They watch it compulsively.
Marc:Maybe I'm just talking about the one weird girl I went out with for a while.
Guest:No, there's a whole, people really, they were like, I grew up with that.
Guest:My mom and I watched it.
Guest:Like, a lot of stories about it.
Guest:It's the only time my mom and I talked during, like, that stage of my life.
Guest:It's like, it's.
Marc:That's what they tell you.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, it really was.
Marc:It was like, oh, geez.
Marc:It really brought people together.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I dated a woman who would, it was like her medication.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Yeah, she would watch repeats of the Gilmore Girls.
Marc:It was, it was, it got a little ugly, but over time, it didn't work out.
Yeah.
Marc:But it was one of the ways she treated herself.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'd come home and she'd be in it.
Marc:And I'd be like, how many times have you seen this episode?
Marc:I can't even count anymore.
Marc:I'm like, okay.
Marc:I'm going to go in the other room and go out to the garage.
Marc:But as a testament to the work, it did help her.
Marc:That's what I'm saying.
Marc:There.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:That's what you mean.
Yeah.
Marc:But so, so that was, that was like seven years.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And that's all you did.
Marc:Were you still doing the groundlings during the time?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, I was still, I was still, I did the groundlings the whole time.
Marc:And movies?
Guest:Um, I did a couple like tiny little parts.
Marc:You were just like a funny moments?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Just a couple lines here and there.
Marc:The funny woman with the two lines?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:That was probably going to be cut out.
Marc:What are you fellas doing?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm the crazy neighbor.
Yeah.
Guest:Get out of my bushes.
Marc:But you were known from the Gilmore Girls, but it wasn't like you didn't break out, right?
Guest:No, it was wonderful, steady work that I had never even imagined.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then what happened?
Marc:That's a long time.
Guest:It's a long time.
Marc:So many years.
Guest:Did another little show called...
Guest:Is it I am Sam?
Guest:Sam?
Guest:Oh, no, Samantha Who.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I went back to like the first name.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Samantha Who, which was really fun.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But it didn't last.
Guest:It didn't survive that writer's strike.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And then.
Guest:And then really like the first thing where I was like, I felt like, which was probably why I thought I for sure wasn't going to get it, was Bridesmaids.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And that was before Mike and Molly?
Yeah.
Guest:I feel like I did that the summer before I started Mike and Molly.
Marc:Okay, Bridesmaids.
Guest:So it was like right before.
Guest:I think I was started on Mike and Molly before it had even aired.
Guest:I mean, Bridesmaids hadn't come out yet.
Marc:And Bridesmaids was like huge.
Guest:And it was so strange because those were all my friends from Groundlings.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Like, well, wait, is anybody going to see that?
Guest:Like, is this just funny to us?
Guest:Because that's what we've been doing.
Marc:Who did that?
Marc:Paul Feig?
Marc:Paul Feig directed it.
Marc:And was Wendy in this?
Marc:She was in the Groundlings with you?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:We were all in the company together.
Guest:And then we were making a movie.
Guest:We're like...
Guest:What the hell's happening?
Marc:That was so smart because you all knew how to work with each other, right?
Guest:Yeah, Rose was really the only one we didn't know, and that took like 13 minutes before we were all like, she's great.
Guest:I mean, it was just like- Right.
Marc:She's got that character, yeah.
Marc:I talked to Wendy.
Marc:She's like a trip.
Marc:She's a trip.
Marc:She really is.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I got the feeling that she was still on the fence about whether she should be working at the hotel still.
Yeah.
Marc:Like literally, she's on the Goldberg.
Marc:She's that kind of person.
Marc:Totally.
Marc:And I think she still lives down by her parents.
Marc:She does.
Guest:And I was like, you don't want to move into L.A.?
Guest:She's like, oh, God, no.
Guest:Oh, no.
Guest:And she always has an amazing amount of like jams and jellies.
Guest:And she's always got some kind of like emollient or like a wonderful like hand cleanser in her back.
Guest:I'm always like, what do you have?
Guest:It's like a pharmacy in there.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So that changed everything, The Bridesmaids.
Marc:You got an Oscar nomination for that, right?
Guest:Yeah, crazy.
Marc:That's exciting.
Guest:Nuts.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, nuts.
Marc:But then the movie career starts, and then Mike and Molly never stops.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Never stops.
Marc:You do.
Marc:You deal with Billy every day.
Marc:Oh.
Marc:He's a great guy.
Guest:That sweet son of a bitch.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He is, every day he'd come in and be like, well, they let me on the lot again.
Guest:I don't know what's going on.
Guest:And he's like, 50s car.
Guest:I was like, he's like the, like, I feel like.
Guest:We met, and I literally was like, I think I just met who was supposed to be my brother.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I love him so much.
Guest:I mean, you know he's just bigger than life.
Marc:But you guys hit it off right away.
Guest:Right away.
Guest:That whole group did.
Guest:That was like a dreamy cast where we all just got along.
Marc:And that show...
Marc:Was on for another seven or eight years, right?
Guest:I think seven.
Guest:Six or seven years.
Guest:I shouldn't remember.
Marc:And both of those are like, well, like Gilmore Girls, you did another.
Marc:You did the new one too, right?
Guest:I did.
Guest:I went in for a day, yeah.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:But the syndication?
Guest:Crazy.
Marc:Right?
Marc:So you were good.
Marc:Crazy.
Marc:You're all set.
Guest:Well, I mean, syndication for the actors doesn't always mean so much.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:But when it's 120 episodes.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, it takes a while for those checks to be $3.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then you're getting down to like 39 cents.
Marc:You still put it in the bank, though, don't you?
Guest:Yes.
Yes.
Guest:Except when they're really, my husband Ben does a thing where when you get something under like 50 cents, he always signs it over to a friend and kind of slides it across the table with like a really creepy wink.
Guest:Sure, get yourself a soda.
Guest:And they cash it.
Guest:Like then they all, everybody does it back and forth to each other.
Marc:Oh, that's funny.
Guest:If it's like super low, it gets signed over.
Marc:That's the game?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:When did you meet Ben?
Guest:Technically, I met him at Groundlings.
Guest:Like our, I want to say second round, like first day of class, we sat next to each other.
Marc:Oh, so he goes back, yeah.
Guest:But then weirdly, I went to Southern Illinois University and he grew up in Carbondale.
Marc:So that was the connection?
Guest:That was the connection, because I said, I went to SIU, kind of, nobody's heard of Carbondale, and it went around the room, and he's like, thanks.
Guest:I'm from Carbondale.
Guest:I was like, oh, sorry.
Marc:Did you say, no, you remember me?
Marc:I had my head shaved up to the top.
Guest:Once we became really good friends, like a week or two in, he said, oh, my God, I knew who you were.
Guest:I know who you were.
Guest:And I said, no, you wouldn't recognize me.
Guest:He goes, I was afraid of you.
Guest:And I said, oh, that was me.
Guest:That was me.
Guest:He goes, we were at a party together.
Guest:Get out of here.
Guest:He was in high school because he's three years younger.
Guest:He goes, I was friends with a bunch of the gothic girls in high school that always would try to go to one of the parties.
Guest:He goes, we were at a party together because you had the most gack on.
Marc:Oh, really?
Guest:And he goes, I was like, probably a full length cape, something subtle.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Guest:And it was you.
Guest:He remembered you.
Guest:Yeah, so like 10 years before we met, really, we were at a party together.
Guest:That's wild.
Guest:In Southern Illinois.
Guest:I know, isn't that weird?
Marc:That's crazy.
Marc:I know.
Marc:And how long did you date before you got married?
Guest:Like six years or so.
Marc:Wow.
Guest:A while.
Marc:So did you ever audition for SNL?
Guest:No.
Guest:No.
Marc:Never happened.
Guest:No, every time they would come like once to Groundlings.
Guest:SNL would always come to Groundlings like once or twice a year.
Guest:And I did almost every show.
Guest:And I swear to God, for like the 13 years I was there, it was like I took one show off.
Guest:They were like, oh, SNL came.
Guest:I was like, God damn, are you kidding me?
Guest:Every single time, they were like, we never saw, just the odds of it, how did we not see you?
Guest:I'm like, I'm telling you, in a year, I would not make one show, and it would be the one time you were there.
Guest:Wild.
Guest:I mean, not that I would have gotten it, but it was just heartbreaking.
Guest:The timing of it was crushing to myself.
Marc:Oh, at that time?
Marc:Sure, yeah, it's the worst.
Marc:How did that happen to me?
Marc:Crazy.
Marc:It built the engine.
Guest:It built the fury.
Marc:The disappointment and rage.
Guest:Just nothing but mistakes.
Marc:It's so much more exciting to go back the way you went back.
Marc:You hosted it how many times?
Guest:I've hosted it five times now.
Marc:And that's great.
Marc:In the Spicer thing, you can just show up and... Just be a man.
Marc:Be the true man I am.
Marc:Lose your mind, start screaming and running around.
Guest:Whatever gets me on a podium in New York City is okay with me.
Marc:But that was such a relief for everybody.
Marc:Because that happened when... We've all gotten numb to the scariness of it all, but Jesus, at that moment you did that, we were like, oh, thank God.
Marc:We were like...
Guest:It was just like, I just remember when they, Kent Sublett, who's also another friend from Groundlings, he's one of the head writers there now, and I was there shooting something, he's like, you think you could come in and, do you have any interest in playing Spicer?
Guest:And I was like, what?
Guest:How am I gonna do Spicer?
Guest:I was like, I don't do impersonation, I don't know how to do that.
Guest:And I was like, it's just, I don't know, I don't know if I wanna get into that.
Guest:It just seems so like.
Marc:And he talked you into it?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was like, well, it's impossible.
Guest:How am I going to become Spicer?
Guest:And then the special effects guy's like, not that hard.
Guest:As he's like staring at you like, we could make you a man in like 13 minutes.
Guest:I was like, oh, can you at least say it'll be harder?
Guest:He's like, it's going to be pretty easy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then you did it like a bunch of times.
Marc:I did it a bunch.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And what was going on?
Marc:Like, I remember that moment where he came out, they brought him at the Academy Award.
Marc:It was like, what?
Guest:What were they doing?
Guest:It's very strange.
Guest:I know because they cut right to you and you're like... Which I didn't know a camera.
Guest:I was just like... I just didn't know what was... I was like, why are you here?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I couldn't figure that out.
Guest:I was like, you're not a sidekick to me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm still waiting for you to like apologize to the country.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I was like, you don't get to move right into like...
Marc:And you were in the audience, weren't you?
Marc:But did you interact with that guy?
Marc:No.
Guest:No, I had no interest.
Marc:But they claim that you helped him lose his job, which is fine.
Marc:That's...
Guest:Better than hang out, yes.
Guest:I think you get into that stuff.
Guest:I truly am like, you can't move on, at least with me or so many people.
Guest:We need a hardcore apology.
Guest:You have to full mea culpa for that stuff.
Marc:It wouldn't even be enough.
Marc:Those people were a deficit of something.
Marc:But your characterization of him was just so relieving and funny.
Marc:Somehow or another,
Marc:We just, you were able, watching it, you're like, yeah, he probably is like that.
Marc:That's what he's like.
Guest:Well, it's funny.
Guest:I had been really busy for like three days, and I hadn't read anything.
Guest:I was like, I haven't seen a paper, I haven't done anything.
Marc:Oh, after you did it, you mean?
Guest:No, between one of them.
Guest:And they called, and they sent a script, and I think I was still in New York.
Guest:And I said, you know, I said, I think what you guys have done so well is always used real stuff.
Guest:Like what I'm saying is quotes, which I think is why it works so much.
Guest:Because I was like, I never want to go mean.
Guest:I don't want to just take a stab.
Guest:I'd rather use their own words.
Marc:So you actually did...
Guest:I mean, I didn't, but it was like, that was a part of, I was like, I think to keep it funny, you use their own words against them.
Guest:So if we start just making fun of them.
Marc:Then we lose it.
Marc:It'll look, it'll look.
Marc:Then it gets nasty.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And I said, you know, so if we can take out this thing where he's hiding in the bushes.
Guest:And Kent was like, what?
Guest:I said, well, it's just I mean, it's funny, but it's like now we like if we go crazy, then everybody's crazy.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:What hole have you been in?
Guest:I was like, I haven't looked at a paper in three days.
Guest:Like I'm in a complete vacuum.
Guest:And he goes, it's true.
Guest:He hid in the bushes.
Guest:And I was like, I'll be right in.
Guest:I literally was like, I'm literally hailing a cab as we speak.
Guest:I just jumped out a window and I landed on top of a cab.
Guest:I felt like my brain cracked in half.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But I thought you were great in saying Vincent.
Marc:Oh, thanks.
Marc:And working with him must have been just a fucking amazing experience.
Guest:Surreal and lovely.
Guest:And also I was like, oh my God, you're so good.
Marc:What was it about it?
Marc:What was it?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Even as well as a person he's one of the most fascinating.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like he's just he's on a different timing.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And there's a like such a non bullshit thing of like he has doesn't choose to use a filter in any way in terms of like
Guest:And acting wise as a person, he just is like when it's when he's having fun, he's having fun when he's giving an opinion.
Guest:It's a real opinion.
Guest:Like there's just something about him that I can't say I've ever met anyone like Bill.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he's just so good.
Guest:Like when he's doing stuff, I just think, oh, my God.
Guest:like there's no push yeah there's no push at all and i was like i gotta i gotta cool it if i push on this one i'll murder myself because you were just like i think when you're with somebody so good you're just like oh god don't don't be the don't be that one that's like if they just want to calm down so i like i really had to be like
Guest:Don't geek out.
Guest:I didn't want to get nervous and try too hard.
Guest:I feel like he can smell it.
Marc:You said this about someone else too, the pushing thing.
Marc:Do you know that you have a propensity to push?
Guest:I don't, I feel like I don't push as much as when I really love my character, I can get really like, I just feel so strongly for them that if it's like,
Guest:If it's an injustice or whatever it is, it's like I feel like sometimes it's just like you can't always play it to – even though I'm like in my heart, I feel like you have wronged her or I love – whatever it is, it's like I just feel like –
Guest:I love them so much that it's weirdly almost like me defending them.
Guest:Right, yeah.
Guest:And I'm always like, just, you can't, everything can't be a crusade.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So it's like something that I, you know.
Guest:You can't slam the ball every time.
Guest:You can't, ugh.
Guest:Yes, it's the same damn thing.
Guest:I don't have a great gray area.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's right to... Well, it's funny because I was talking to my producer about it.
Marc:You're one of those people now, for me, like Will Ferrell, who I think had almost a similar trajectory that you guys did a lot of stuff and then all of a sudden something... But I'll go see whatever you're in because I'll wait...
Marc:For you to do the thing.
Marc:Oh, no.
Marc:What's the thing?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Just to, like, go, like, there's just moments where, you know, you'll just, like, there's just, you have a way of being funny that is so consistent and so unique that, like, and you know when you do it.
Marc:It's just when you pop.
Marc:You don't do it in all the movies.
Marc:I'm not trying to pigeonhole you.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But you are, as a comic performer, you know how to be very funny very easily, which is a rare thing.
Guest:Thanks.
Marc:I'm saying a good thing.
Guest:I just hit you with a tennis ball.
Guest:My response, I feel weird.
Guest:I'll hit him.
Guest:Yeah, that's right.
Guest:But you know what I mean?
Guest:Yeah, and just certain characters.
Guest:It's like, if I can dig my teeth in, I'm going to break my teeth.
Guest:Like, I'm going to go for it.
Guest:Right, that's what I mean.
Guest:That moment when you go for it, it's just sort of like, yeah.
Guest:And when you get... Either I can write them, which is an amazing thing, or when someone writes it for you and you're like, that is the juiciest part.
Guest:I just feel like you have to go for it.
Guest:You have to...
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I always just think like I can't be afraid.
Guest:I'll do lesser versions, but I always think I'll give you the one that's like to the moon just because you have to at least give it a swing.
Marc:But it's so funny, though, because like I talked to Farrell once and he doesn't give you nothing when he's talking.
Marc:He'll just talk straight.
Marc:And it's almost like he goes out of his way to do it.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Yeah, like he'll just flat.
Marc:It's good.
Marc:He's having a nice conversation.
Marc:But if you're a fan of his, you just sit there going, it's going to happen any second.
Guest:Because there's also something like when he's, even when he's talking seriously that you're like...
Guest:yeah yeah bill hater yeah to me is um i feel like bill must think i'm the strangest human being because he could be talking about like i'm gonna put my cat down like it could be something so terrible and i literally am like he's like no my cat's really sick i'm like
Guest:Like I have, there's just certain people and like, there's just certain people that like, I'm like, I can't, I don't think I've ever had a normal conversation.
Guest:Every time I leave, I'm like, oh God, Bill's got to think I'm just nuts.
Guest:I'm like, he was just having a nice, he was just being nice and we were having a normal conversation and I couldn't,
Guest:And then I get more nervous because I know how much I laugh around certain people.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Then it's like weird church laughing.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Where like now I'm just like.
Marc:Can't stop.
Guest:Oh, like tears are coming down.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And they're just like.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I don't think we're saying anything funny.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, Hayter's another one of those guys.
Marc:He's like Bill Murray.
Marc:He does operate it in different zones.
Marc:Totally.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, you got to go.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:You got another thing?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Oh.
Marc:What are you doing?
Guest:I don't know what's after this.
Marc:Oh, geez.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, good job on the movie.
Marc:I'm going into your house.
Marc:Oh, you can hang out.
Marc:Okay, I'll be in here working on this.
Marc:I'll meet you in there later.
Marc:And it was great talking to you.
Guest:It was really great talking to you.
Guest:And I love you.
Guest:I love you on the show.
Marc:Oh, thank you.
Guest:I love it.
Guest:Oh, thank you so much.
Guest:That's nice.
Guest:That's an awesome show.
Marc:You want to do a part?
Marc:Should I drop your name over there?
Marc:Who do I fight?
Marc:Yeah, I'll go to it.
Marc:I'll fight you.
Marc:Can I fight you?
Marc:That would be great.
Marc:I haven't fought yet.
Marc:Maybe if we do another season.
Marc:I'm just saying.
Marc:I'll bring you up to the people.
Marc:You're going to do another season.
Marc:I'll say, you know, Melissa's family.
Guest:Throw it around the people.
Guest:Just you and I really fighting.
Marc:Will you come in?
Marc:I wonder if they could write around that.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:And then they're going to be like, look, Mark, just do your job.
Marc:You're not part of the production.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I'm going to let you go.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:This is great.
Bye.
Marc:That was fun.
Marc:I love her.
Marc:Who doesn't love her?
Marc:How can you not love her?
Marc:Her new movie, Life of the Party, opens in theaters tomorrow.
Marc:Music is forthcoming.
Marc:We'll do it when I get back.
Marc:I got this classical guitar in here, but I'm lacking it.
Marc:It seems when I move around in this room, the mic becomes an antenna of some kind that picks up radio stations.
Marc:So I'm just going to stay here in the corner where I'm crouched.
Marc:And, you know.
Marc:Oh, God.
Marc:Everything's okay.
Guest:Boomer lives!
Guest:Boomer lives!
you