Episode 882 - Derek Waters

Episode 882 • Released January 17, 2018 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Marc:All right, let's do this.

00:00:10Marc:How are you?

00:00:11Marc:What the fuckers?

00:00:12Marc:What the fuck buddies?

00:00:13Marc:What the fuck nicks?

00:00:14Marc:What the fuck nots?

00:00:15Marc:What's happening?

00:00:17Marc:I'm Mark Maron.

00:00:17Marc:This is my podcast WTF.

00:00:19Marc:Welcome to it.

00:00:20Marc:I can't imagine it's your first time here.

00:00:22Marc:I can't imagine that.

00:00:23Marc:But if it is, hi, just hang out.

00:00:26Marc:Sit with the rest of the people.

00:00:27Marc:Wherever it is that they are, you just hang out with them.

00:00:31Marc:Hang out.

00:00:32Marc:Feel at home.

00:00:33Marc:Relax.

00:00:34Marc:Grab something to eat.

00:00:35Marc:Do your job.

00:00:36Marc:Do your exercise.

00:00:38Marc:Drive to work.

00:00:39Marc:Take the train to work.

00:00:41Marc:Be on an airplane.

00:00:42Marc:Be at home cooking.

00:00:46Marc:Be doing your work in your shop.

00:00:49Marc:You know, your design work, your shoemaking work, your metal work.

00:00:56Marc:Just hang out with the rest of them if this is your first day.

00:00:59Marc:No reason to be shy.

00:01:00Marc:Welcome.

00:01:01Marc:Welcome to all the newcomers, as they say in the recovery racket.

00:01:06Marc:What is happening, folks?

00:01:07Marc:Everybody all right?

00:01:08Marc:Is everybody all right?

00:01:09Marc:Is everyone on that weird balance between internalizing the decline of our republic and actually talking about it?

00:01:19Marc:Or have you been so beat up psychically by the decline of the republic on so many levels that there seems to be...

00:01:26Marc:squeezing any little crack of hope out of you, just being spackled with despotic garbage.

00:01:34Marc:Are all your cracks of hope spackled with despotic garbage, with despotic sludge, with authoritarian slime that hardens into cynical but very not effective jokes?

00:01:47Marc:No.

00:01:48Marc:No.

00:01:49Marc:Notice my tone.

00:01:51Marc:That was an experiment in tone.

00:01:53Marc:I have Derek Waters on the show today.

00:01:55Marc:And I like Derek.

00:01:57Marc:You might know him from Drunk History.

00:01:59Marc:He's also an actor, a sketch guy, but he also was in a very interesting episode of my show, Marin.

00:02:06Marc:I've always liked the guy.

00:02:07Marc:I didn't really know the guy, but I've always liked his work.

00:02:10Marc:He seemed like a sort of...

00:02:12Marc:I don't know.

00:02:13Marc:I just always he's like Rob Hubel.

00:02:15Marc:Like I knew him.

00:02:16Marc:I knew he's around.

00:02:17Marc:I liked him.

00:02:18Marc:I'd worked with him, but I didn't really know him.

00:02:20Marc:But I always thought they'd be fun to talk to.

00:02:22Marc:And we had a great time.

00:02:24Marc:Bob Seger is going to enjoy this conversation.

00:02:26Marc:That's all I'm going to give you.

00:02:26Marc:That's the only hint I'm going to give you is that Bob Seger will enjoy this conversation.

00:02:32Marc:By the way, I will be selling this house.

00:02:36Marc:It seems as if that is where I'm heading with this as of right now.

00:02:40Marc:So I'm just putting that out there.

00:02:42Marc:There are some people, myself included, on some days that think this is somewhat of a historic location.

00:02:48Marc:Lots gone on here.

00:02:50Marc:Lots gone down in the garage.

00:02:51Marc:A lot of changes and emotional upheavals, both for good and bad, have gone on in the house and in the garage.

00:02:59Marc:But...

00:03:00Marc:I think it's going to happen.

00:03:01Marc:I think it's going to be available.

00:03:03Marc:So if there's any really filthy, rich people out there that just want to own a piece of history because they're huge fans of the show, you might have your shot.

00:03:13Marc:You might have your opportunity.

00:03:15Marc:And by the way, I'm getting the floors done.

00:03:18Marc:Right now, there's some staining going on.

00:03:20Marc:100-year-old floors, 100-year-old floors looking clean as shit right now, just raw.

00:03:26Marc:That stain hasn't gone down.

00:03:27Marc:It's so weird.

00:03:28Marc:When I have people working on anything because I'm paying them to do it, some part of me thinks I'm doing it myself.

00:03:34Marc:It's got nothing to do with the work, but it's sort of like, look what we're doing.

00:03:37Marc:I'm not doing anything but appreciating true craftsmen at work.

00:03:41Marc:Stain's going down today, getting the walls done, painted.

00:03:44Marc:You know, getting new plaster here and there.

00:03:47Marc:Going to do some painting on the outside.

00:03:49Marc:I am going to make this place so nice that I'm going to want to move back in.

00:03:54Marc:That's what's going to happen.

00:03:56Marc:That's going to be the predicament.

00:03:57Marc:Oh, why didn't I do this while I was living here?

00:04:01Marc:Now look what it is.

00:04:01Marc:Look how nice it is.

00:04:03Marc:Maybe I should keep it.

00:04:05Marc:This will be my vacation home.

00:04:08Marc:Or my work home.

00:04:08Marc:I could make this my office and workplace.

00:04:10Marc:I could.

00:04:12Marc:I could.

00:04:13Marc:oh man see now there's options i closed the door on options and now all of a sudden out of emotional connection there's options so what else is happening do you want me to read some emails i could read some emails uh oh yeah you heard last week this doesn't happen too often oh no this is another one this uh this says a subject line uh can we hold please plane can we hold holding for the plane

00:04:44Marc:Holding.

00:04:47Marc:Are we good?

00:04:49Marc:One more second.

00:04:52Marc:Okay.

00:04:53Marc:So this subject line, cat scratcher couch.

00:04:57Marc:So when our cats scratch the couch, my husband says Mark Maron lets his cat scratch the couch as if it's all good.

00:05:04Marc:Thought you should know.

00:05:05Marc:We love WTF and cat guys are awesome.

00:05:08Marc:Shawna.

00:05:09Marc:Yes.

00:05:10Marc:Yes.

00:05:11Marc:Yes.

00:05:11Marc:You know, it's not my first choice.

00:05:14Marc:You know what I mean?

00:05:15Marc:You never... There's always a little window of time when you have cats where you're like, I'm going to keep them off this stuff.

00:05:21Marc:I'm going to keep them off the furniture.

00:05:23Marc:I'm going to squirt them with water.

00:05:24Marc:I'm going to put this thing on it.

00:05:26Marc:Whatever.

00:05:26Marc:You know, that goes on for as long as it takes for the cat to do it once.

00:05:30Marc:And then you're like, shit, what the fuck?

00:05:32Marc:And then he does it twice.

00:05:34Marc:And then you're like, no, it's already a little fucked up.

00:05:36Marc:And then you just watch them destroy whatever...

00:05:40Marc:furniture or rugs that you like it takes time and you you can live with it i've lived with couches where literally the the arm of the couch is almost no longer there on the upholstery level just gone and people come over they're like fuck man and they're surprised as if the cat did that in two days it takes a long time and you just you adapt man you adapt to your fucking rug being all wadded up and balled up

00:06:05Marc:sometimes stained.

00:06:07Marc:You adapt to your couch being just ripped to shreds on one side or both sides.

00:06:11Marc:You adapt to them destroying beautiful things relatively quickly.

00:06:16Marc:And for some reason, it's a sacrifice worth making.

00:06:20Marc:I don't know.

00:06:20Marc:At the new house...

00:06:22Marc:I got a leather couch and I'm keeping them out of that room.

00:06:25Marc:But sometimes they get in there and I'm like, this is where it starts.

00:06:28Marc:This is where everything nice turns to fucking scratch pads.

00:06:32Marc:Just everything nice turns into scratching posts all over the house.

00:06:36Marc:Yeah, yeah, that was a nice couch.

00:06:38Marc:Yeah, that was a nice chair.

00:06:39Marc:Yeah, I love that rug when I got it.

00:06:41Marc:But now I guess it's theirs.

00:06:43Marc:The little fuckers.

00:06:46Marc:But you just, you deal with it.

00:06:47Marc:You deal with it.

00:06:49Marc:It just becomes, it becomes futile.

00:06:52Marc:When you have cats, futile to maintain anything furniture-wise or rug-wise that you'd like.

00:07:00Marc:Another email.

00:07:01Marc:RxBarPackaging.

00:07:02Marc:Hey, Mark, you mentioned you like the RxBarPackaging on your last show, and I wanted to inform you that I am the designer who created it.

00:07:09Marc:That's all, man.

00:07:10Marc:Thanks for making my day.

00:07:12Marc:Your fan, Mike.

00:07:14Marc:See that?

00:07:14Marc:I didn't even know.

00:07:15Marc:What did I know?

00:07:16Marc:We didn't add for our X bar.

00:07:17Marc:And I do like the packaging.

00:07:18Marc:Mikey did a fine job.

00:07:19Marc:Nice layout.

00:07:20Marc:Enjoyed it.

00:07:21Marc:Good work.

00:07:22Marc:So I've been watching some movies because I got the screeners and I've got the, what day is today?

00:07:29Marc:Oh shit, it's Thursday.

00:07:30Marc:So yeah, on Sunday I'm going to the SAG Awards.

00:07:34Marc:And I'm trying, I don't know if I can wear the exact same thing.

00:07:37Marc:I think I can.

00:07:38Marc:It's not like everyone's photographing me waiting for me to show off designer merchandise.

00:07:42Marc:I'm not a woman in a new dress.

00:07:44Marc:I don't need a new dress.

00:07:47Marc:Maybe I won't wear the vest, but I might just wear the same thing entirely.

00:07:50Marc:Someone told me to get a black shirt and a black tie.

00:07:52Marc:This is not important stuff.

00:07:53Marc:So the SAG Awards are coming up.

00:07:56Marc:We're finishing up Glow.

00:07:57Marc:This is the last week of shooting.

00:07:59Marc:Monday is the last day of shooting for season two.

00:08:05Marc:And it's been great.

00:08:07Marc:It's been fun.

00:08:08Marc:It's always sad when a production ends.

00:08:10Marc:It's like the end of camp.

00:08:11Marc:Although I was more of like...

00:08:13Marc:The women on the show, obviously, were doing a lot more work together, training and wrestling and everything else.

00:08:19Marc:And I would come in occasionally with my mustache and my bad attitude.

00:08:22Marc:So I was more like a camp director.

00:08:25Marc:But it's a sad day.

00:08:27Marc:So yeah, I watched, what did I watch?

00:08:30Marc:Is it Call Me By Your Name?

00:08:31Marc:Is that the name of it?

00:08:32Marc:It's Call Me By Your Name.

00:08:33Marc:Is that the exact title?

00:08:35Marc:Because I watched that.

00:08:37Marc:What a beautiful, poetic movie.

00:08:39Marc:Just a stunning movie.

00:08:40Marc:And I got to say, I think after watching it, I'm probably 4% more gay than I was before.

00:08:47Marc:I think I hovered around 11%, 12% gay.

00:08:50Marc:And now I'm like 16%, 17% gay.

00:08:53Marc:And it's going to stick.

00:08:55Marc:after watching that movie.

00:08:56Marc:But yeah, don't be afraid of it.

00:08:58Marc:It's an opening.

00:08:59Marc:It's not something scary.

00:09:01Marc:You probably need to be a little more gay.

00:09:03Marc:There's some dudes out there that could be a little more gay.

00:09:05Marc:It would be nice.

00:09:08Marc:Sometimes you need a little balance.

00:09:10Marc:Just see what happens to you.

00:09:13Marc:When you watch that movie, what exactly are your feelings around the peach scene?

00:09:20Marc:No spoilers, but let me know.

00:09:23Marc:Let me know how the peach scene works for you in Call Me By Your Name.

00:09:29Marc:And the acting was tremendous on all parts.

00:09:31Marc:Really, seriously.

00:09:32Marc:Molly's Game.

00:09:33Marc:Look, I'm reviewing movies, I guess.

00:09:35Marc:If you like Aaron Sorkin, and here's the thing, and I think I've talked about this before on the show, with Aaron Sorkin is that

00:09:43Marc:It's not how people talk, but it is very entertaining.

00:09:46Marc:And if it's acted properly, it's great.

00:09:48Marc:Like the Steve Jobs movie, I loved it.

00:09:50Marc:I loved it because it was like, you know, it was like Cary Grant and Catherine Hepburn.

00:09:55Marc:You know, there was a pace to it that was almost like 40s.

00:09:59Marc:And I've talked about this before.

00:10:01Marc:There's a pace to the banter and an intelligence to the banter that...

00:10:06Marc:that is just very compelling and driving and there are moments the weaker moments of aaron sorkin scripts or in this movie which he directed is where you just all of a sudden you have that beat where you're like oh they people don't talk like this and it's a it's a sad moment and and there's only one in this movie and it doesn't derail the movie i enjoyed the movie even though you know obviously it's a movie but uh but if you like that banter and you like the story the story is a good story and and jessica chastain is great and

00:10:33Marc:Edris Elba.

00:10:34Marc:Is that his name?

00:10:35Marc:I can't look it up.

00:10:36Marc:He's great, too.

00:10:39Marc:I'd like to think that I got that right.

00:10:40Marc:I'd like to think that I said that right, and I'm going to Google it on my phone.

00:10:46Marc:Edris Elba.

00:10:47Marc:Yeah.

00:10:48Marc:Yeah.

00:10:48Marc:I think I got it right.

00:10:49Marc:So I can vouch for those two movies, both of them.

00:10:53Marc:Obviously, you know, one's poetic sort of coming of age, coming out story.

00:10:59Marc:It takes place in Italy.

00:11:02Marc:It's a different pace.

00:11:03Marc:And the other one is about a woman who ran a gambling racket and it's got an insanely compelling, lyrical, dialogue driven pace.

00:11:15Marc:Very different films, both very entertaining and good.

00:11:18Marc:So Derek Waters, I had a great time talking to him.

00:11:22Marc:The fifth season of Drunk History premieres next Tuesday, January 23rd on Comedy Central.

00:11:27Marc:This is me and Derek Waters talking primarily about Bob Seger in my recollection.

00:11:43Marc:You know, I've been with this woman I've been seeing for a few years.

00:11:47Guest:How long have you been with her?

00:11:49Marc:Like three and a half.

00:11:50Marc:Okay.

00:11:51Marc:You?

00:11:52Marc:Party of one.

00:11:53Marc:Yeah?

00:11:54Guest:Yeah.

00:11:55Guest:Yeah.

00:11:56Guest:For a long time.

00:11:57Guest:For a long time?

00:11:58Guest:That's been a long party of one.

00:11:59Guest:Really?

00:12:00Guest:Yeah.

00:12:01Marc:Is it a sad party, Derek?

00:12:03Guest:My party?

00:12:04Guest:Is it sad?

00:12:04Guest:No, I love this party.

00:12:06Guest:It's the only party I've ever known.

00:12:07Marc:It gets bigger and smaller, though, but it's still a party of one.

00:12:11Guest:It's still a party of one.

00:12:13Guest:I got out of something probably like four months ago.

00:12:16Guest:That was pretty.

00:12:17Guest:How long was that?

00:12:19Guest:Like eight months.

00:12:21Guest:I usually go, I do the six months to a year, a year and a half is the longest I've ever been with someone.

00:12:28Guest:Yeah.

00:12:29Marc:What do you think that's about?

00:12:30Marc:I mean, do you question it?

00:12:31Marc:Are you like, what's wrong with me?

00:12:32Marc:Or like, this is just right?

00:12:34Marc:Oh, I don't think anything's wrong with me.

00:12:37Yeah.

00:12:37Guest:No, you know, Mark, I don't know.

00:12:40Guest:My parents have been married for like 45 years.

00:12:44Guest:Happily?

00:12:45Guest:Yeah, oh yeah.

00:12:46Marc:Really?

00:12:47Guest:I mean, you know.

00:12:49Guest:This is a good story.

00:12:50Guest:I remember my therapist was the one that pointed out like, oh, your parents don't sleep.

00:12:56Guest:You think that your mom and dad don't sleep in the same bed because your father snores.

00:13:02Yeah.

00:13:02Marc:and i was like yeah he has a snoring problem she's like she just like shook her head like she's like you know they just don't sleep together but anyway a lot of people are doing that now i hear i hear that really thing yeah i hear like i mean it makes sense i snore you snore i don't think i snore badly yeah i dated a woman for a while that snored bad who snores greatly well i mean they're uh well no that's right i mean the

00:13:26Marc:greatly in that like that is an awesome yeah greatly disturbing yeah yeah greatly annoying but she snored really bad and it's it's bad because you kind of want to punch them in the head when they're sleeping which is not a nice thing so you don't do that i mean that's a little violent i'm ashamed that i said it but you try to nudge them and but it is there's an intensity to the nudge like god damn it

00:13:48Guest:Yeah, well, I've been on the receiving end of that, and my ex made me get these... You're a snore person?

00:13:55Marc:You snore?

00:13:55Guest:Yeah, and I got these nasal strips.

00:13:57Guest:Right, did they work?

00:13:59Guest:Yeah.

00:13:59Guest:They do?

00:14:00Guest:But when I did snore, I remember waking up and just, like, feeling that nudge.

00:14:08Guest:The elbow.

00:14:09Guest:Sorry, this is my place.

00:14:11Guest:The fuck are you nudging me for?

00:14:13Marc:And that was the last week of that relationship?

00:14:16Guest:Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:14:17Guest:No, I don't know.

00:14:18Guest:There's something about the nudge that it's just like, I don't know.

00:14:22Marc:I don't know if I've woke up on the receiving end of that, but I've given some nudges.

00:14:25Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:14:26Guest:It feels weird.

00:14:27Guest:It's like, if you love someone and that's how they're breathing, are you saying you hate how they breathe?

00:14:34Marc:Well, you're saying that, like, can we do something to help this?

00:14:37Marc:Can we do something to stop this?

00:14:38Marc:Maybe you have sleep after you.

00:14:40Marc:Maybe you're dying.

00:14:40Marc:I offer earplugs.

00:14:41Marc:Oh, you offer?

00:14:42Marc:I'm a sweet guy.

00:14:43Marc:You have a drawer full of earplugs?

00:14:46Marc:Yeah.

00:14:47Marc:Hey, honey, just check the drawer.

00:14:49Marc:This might be a problem tonight.

00:14:50Marc:It might be turbulent.

00:14:52Marc:You got a little machine?

00:14:53Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:14:56Guest:Yeah, I have had really bad sleep problems.

00:14:58Guest:I used to...

00:14:59Guest:Well, I know.

00:15:00Guest:I have full conversations in my sleep.

00:15:02Marc:Really?

00:15:02Guest:So when anyone spends the night, they're always like, who the fuck were you talking to?

00:15:06Guest:I don't know.

00:15:07Marc:Full conversations?

00:15:08Guest:Yeah, full conversations.

00:15:09Guest:Yeah.

00:15:10Guest:No, I wake myself up talking.

00:15:13Guest:Really?

00:15:13Guest:Yeah.

00:15:14Marc:Not screaming?

00:15:14Marc:I've woken myself up.

00:15:16Marc:Really?

00:15:16Marc:Screaming?

00:15:16Marc:You scream?

00:15:17Marc:Yeah.

00:15:17Marc:Well, it's weird when he's screaming a dream that no matter what, it seems like no matter what emotion you're experiencing, whether it's joy or terror, the sound you make out loud in the real world is always, and in the dream you're like, I don't know why it translates that way.

00:15:36Marc:Yeah, I don't know either.

00:15:38Marc:I've woken up like that.

00:15:39Marc:I've gotten nudged for that.

00:15:41Marc:And what's your response?

00:15:42Marc:What did she say?

00:15:44Marc:Well, she goes, you're having a nightmare.

00:15:46Marc:And then I'm like, I don't remember my dreams that well.

00:15:48Marc:Do you?

00:15:49Marc:I do, yeah.

00:15:49Marc:You do?

00:15:50Marc:Yeah.

00:15:51Marc:Do you have like a reoccurring?

00:15:53Guest:No, never had a reoccurring.

00:15:54Guest:I did as a kid.

00:15:55Marc:Really?

00:15:55Marc:What was it?

00:15:55Guest:Going up the stairs and somebody grabbing you.

00:15:57Guest:But that's like the classic.

00:15:58Marc:It's one of the classics.

00:15:59Marc:Closet, stairs, yeah.

00:16:01Marc:Yeah.

00:16:02Marc:Woods.

00:16:03Marc:Somebody grabbing you.

00:16:04Marc:Yeah.

00:16:05Guest:But.

00:16:07Marc:Where'd you grow up, man?

00:16:08Marc:Baltimore.

00:16:09Baltimore.

00:16:09Marc:Baltimore was your father in the... My dad... Politics?

00:16:15Guest:No, but I love imagining that.

00:16:17Guest:Because my dad looks like a very cute Barney Rubble.

00:16:20Guest:Really?

00:16:20Guest:He has his own... It's a tire parts company.

00:16:25Guest:Tire parts?

00:16:26Guest:Tire supplies.

00:16:27Guest:Not tires.

00:16:28Guest:Everything to do with tires except for tires.

00:16:30Guest:Very specific.

00:16:31Guest:Wheels?

00:16:32Guest:Tire valves.

00:16:33Guest:No wheels.

00:16:34Guest:No wheels.

00:16:34Guest:Weights and valves.

00:16:35Guest:Yeah, weights and valves.

00:16:37Guest:What else is there?

00:16:38Guest:It's a family business that I never got into.

00:16:41Guest:Really?

00:16:41Guest:1926, though.

00:16:42Guest:It's gone down three generations.

00:16:44Guest:And my brother, who's older, will luckily take over.

00:16:48Guest:But I used to work there.

00:16:49Marc:It's still a thriving business?

00:16:51Marc:Somehow, man.

00:16:53Marc:Yeah.

00:16:53Marc:Does he manufacture these valves and weights?

00:16:56Marc:He distributes, yeah.

00:16:57Marc:He distributes valves and tire weights.

00:17:00Marc:Yeah.

00:17:01Marc:Do they still use tire weights?

00:17:02Marc:Yeah.

00:17:02Guest:oh yeah yeah wheel weights wheel weights the little things that you find on the side of the highway you're like what the fuck is that they're like made out of lead or something yeah and they just tag on they tack on to the yeah i never knew what they did do you no uh they balance they balance out the wheels from what i remember yeah i just yeah i used to work in the warehouse shipping stuff and boxing stuff up and i remember when i used to get uh real depressed out here i would call my brother and

00:17:28Guest:Say what he's doing.

00:17:29Guest:Hey, what are you up to?

00:17:30Guest:He would just put the phone down.

00:17:31Guest:And God bless him.

00:17:33Guest:He knew I hated what he did.

00:17:34Guest:Yeah.

00:17:36Guest:Or I couldn't do it.

00:17:37Guest:But you liked him.

00:17:37Guest:And I love him.

00:17:38Guest:But I would just listen to the boxes being taped up.

00:17:43Guest:And that was the best motivation.

00:17:44Guest:Be like, all right, it's not that bad here.

00:17:47Guest:I'm going to stay a little longer.

00:17:49Guest:Yeah.

00:17:49Guest:Oh, God.

00:17:50Guest:That's my alternative.

00:17:52Guest:All right.

00:17:53Guest:A couple more cold nights.

00:17:55Marc:That was the only two things?

00:17:56Marc:Yeah.

00:17:57Guest:Either show business or...

00:17:58Guest:Yeah, exactly.

00:17:59Guest:We always make people laugh.

00:18:01Guest:But you worked at the place?

00:18:03Guest:Yeah, I worked there.

00:18:04Marc:I'm really having a hard time picturing, because we've only really, it seems like we've only come up with two items that they have there.

00:18:15Marc:I'm not judging the business, but I mean, it sounds like that's all they have, valves and...

00:18:20Marc:well they got jacks anything to do with tires and just not the tire or the wheel or the wheel or the tires but everyone will always need tires mark no i know that and and i and i think it's a great business but doesn't it fascinate you like because i always wonder it's like who who who thinks to do that business

00:18:39Marc:Was it your dad's dad or was it your dad's great-grandfather?

00:18:42Marc:Your great-grandfather got into the tire rack.

00:18:44Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:18:45Guest:I mean, I think it was originally just a rubber company just selling different types of rubber that I think eventually...

00:18:55Guest:then drifted off from tires.

00:18:57Guest:Either way, it wasn't for me.

00:18:58Marc:It's fascinating that I imagine as a person in high school who was living the life you were living, that maybe that would become fascinating to you at some point, given that you did create Drunk History, that maybe you would one day in high school get fucked up and wonder about your great-grandfather's rubber business.

00:19:15Marc:As, you know, what got you to where you are.

00:19:19Marc:But you just never... There's a big blind spot with people and their families and what they do sometimes.

00:19:25Marc:The people just, they go away.

00:19:27Marc:And you work there and you don't fucking know, really.

00:19:29Guest:Well, wait, what don't I know?

00:19:31Guest:That... It seems very vague to me.

00:19:34Marc:Where it started?

00:19:35Marc:That your great-grandfather was just doing different types of rubber for...

00:19:39Marc:It seems fascinating to me.

00:19:40Marc:This is the dawn of the automotive age.

00:19:42Marc:Yeah.

00:19:42Marc:And like, you know, your grandfather had this great idea.

00:19:45Marc:That's a great point.

00:19:46Marc:That, you know, like everyone's going to need rubber.

00:19:48Marc:Everyone's going to need tire parts because this car thing is going to stick.

00:19:51Guest:Yeah.

00:19:51Marc:And he created a business that has legs, man.

00:19:54Marc:Generational legs.

00:19:55Marc:I know.

00:19:56Marc:Vision.

00:19:57Marc:Vision, Derek.

00:19:59Guest:What am I doing?

00:20:00Guest:I got to get Ancestry.com.

00:20:03Guest:You got to get it.

00:20:05Guest:You got to figure it out.

00:20:06Guest:I got to talk to my father.

00:20:07Guest:I got to pick one of those.

00:20:09Marc:And then it'll be disappointing.

00:20:11Marc:It'll no doubt be disappointing because they don't know as much as you think that they should.

00:20:16Guest:See, I've done that, Mark, where I go back and ask, like, so why...

00:20:21Guest:Why did that happen as kids?

00:20:23Guest:Like, oh, your grandmother wanted to kill herself.

00:20:25Guest:I'm like, all right.

00:20:26Guest:Well, I don't think I want to hear that story anymore.

00:20:28Guest:So I don't really want to.

00:20:29Guest:There's certain things.

00:20:31Guest:There's a story there.

00:20:32Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:20:32Guest:Oh, your grandmother tried to jump out of the car.

00:20:34Guest:Okay, cool.

00:20:36Guest:Why was grandpa gone for a little while?

00:20:39Guest:Oh, he was addicted to cough syrup.

00:20:41Guest:Okay, cool.

00:20:42Guest:That's it.

00:20:43Guest:I don't want to go to 1926 if I'm just referencing the 70s here.

00:20:49Guest:I don't want to go before the Depression.

00:20:54Guest:You got enough.

00:20:55Guest:How many brothers and sisters are there?

00:20:56Guest:Just one brother.

00:20:57Guest:He's six years older.

00:20:58Marc:And he's at the tire place.

00:21:00Guest:He's at the tire place.

00:21:01Guest:He's married with three kids.

00:21:04Guest:You have three nieces and nephews?

00:21:06Guest:One niece and two nephews, yeah.

00:21:08Guest:And you're all close?

00:21:08Guest:Yeah, he's my best friend.

00:21:10Marc:Really?

00:21:11Guest:Yeah.

00:21:11Guest:That works out.

00:21:12Guest:We talk all the time.

00:21:13Guest:You do?

00:21:13Guest:Talk to my parents once a week.

00:21:15Guest:You do?

00:21:16Guest:Yeah.

00:21:17Marc:But did you always do that or just when you sort of got successful?

00:21:20Guest:Always.

00:21:21Guest:Always.

00:21:21Guest:And I don't know.

00:21:24Guest:I remember first moving out here and always hearing stories of like, oh man, you really can't be funny unless you had a fucked up childhood and I was always in my head like,

00:21:36Guest:man i really like my parents and i remember once talking to bob odenkirk and i was like bob is like am i ever gonna be funny like so i like i liked my childhood yeah yeah it's like derek just because you had a just because you liked your childhood doesn't mean it was a good childhood

00:21:54Guest:That was the Odenkirk spin.

00:21:58Marc:You're not seeing it correctly.

00:22:00Guest:How to make it negative.

00:22:03Guest:But it was real.

00:22:04Guest:But yeah, I've been very close with my parents since, yeah.

00:22:07Marc:So you're smoking cigarettes at 16.

00:22:11Marc:Sorry.

00:22:12Marc:You must have been a problematic.

00:22:14Marc:I was stressed.

00:22:16Marc:I got to characterize you as some troubled, drunken mess.

00:22:19Marc:I know.

00:22:20Marc:But I didn't drink for a very long time.

00:22:22Guest:I was sober all through high school.

00:22:27Guest:I liked cigarettes.

00:22:29Guest:I don't know why.

00:22:30Guest:I guess because who fucking doesn't in high school thinking that it's cool.

00:22:34Marc:How old are you?

00:22:35Guest:38.

00:22:36Guest:38.

00:22:37Marc:Yeah, I'm 54.

00:22:37Marc:I would have thought by your generation that that shit would have passed.

00:22:40Marc:Yeah.

00:22:41Marc:But no, see, people still locked into the cigarettes at 15.

00:22:44Guest:You think?

00:22:45Guest:Well, wait, you actually think people like my generation are done smoking?

00:22:51Guest:I think it's the next one.

00:22:52Guest:It's the one after me.

00:22:53Guest:Oh, okay.

00:22:54Guest:That's like... You guys are still sort of like, eh, I can still do it.

00:22:58Marc:Yeah, we're still like rebels without a cause.

00:23:00Marc:And the millennials, so you're not a millennial.

00:23:02Marc:You're older.

00:23:02Marc:Yeah.

00:23:03Marc:Fuck that.

00:23:04Marc:Easy, man.

00:23:05Marc:There's a knife here.

00:23:08Guest:No, I don't know.

00:23:09Guest:I don't even know what a... I know what a millennial is.

00:23:12Marc:What, are they born after 2000?

00:23:14Guest:I think so.

00:23:14Guest:I think they don't... I always reference, I ask someone if they were dead or if they were alive when Kurt Cobain died.

00:23:22Guest:And if someone says no... What year was that?

00:23:25Guest:96...

00:23:28Guest:Yeah.

00:23:29Guest:Were you upset about it?

00:23:30Marc:Yeah.

00:23:31Marc:Leveled.

00:23:33Guest:Bad day.

00:23:34Guest:Yeah.

00:23:35Guest:I mean, I was young.

00:23:37Guest:I think it was 94.

00:23:40Guest:I was 15.

00:23:40Guest:I remember it was just after John Candy.

00:23:43Guest:I remember John Candy and Kurt Cobain were right after each other.

00:23:46Guest:Yeah.

00:23:47Guest:I was born in 79.

00:23:48Guest:79.

00:23:48Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:23:50Guest:I'm a child of the 70s.

00:23:52Guest:Wow.

00:23:53Marc:Yeah, man.

00:23:54Marc:But, yeah, I don't know.

00:23:56Marc:What was the landscape like, man?

00:23:58Marc:Because, like, I was born in 63.

00:23:59Marc:So, like, 73, I'm already 10.

00:24:03Marc:You know, and shit is going down everywhere.

00:24:04Marc:73, everything's unleashed.

00:24:07Marc:Everything's wild.

00:24:08Marc:60s are over, and now people are just acting like lunatics.

00:24:11Guest:Yeah.

00:24:11Marc:Without a purpose.

00:24:12Guest:Yeah.

00:24:13Marc:It was attached to a purpose for a few years.

00:24:15Guest:Yeah.

00:24:15Marc:In the 60s, and then in the 70s.

00:24:17Marc:No purpose, just good times.

00:24:19Marc:And then disco happened and I witnessed all that.

00:24:23Marc:I was there, Derek, in high school when disco was actively being killed and fought.

00:24:29Marc:Wow.

00:24:30Marc:Yeah.

00:24:30Marc:Disco sucks.

00:24:32Marc:Yeah, that was high school for me.

00:24:34Marc:When punk rock came in and the Knack did my Sharona and everybody wore thin ties, things were changing.

00:24:40Guest:Yeah, were you part of the disco demolition?

00:24:43Marc:I don't know.

00:24:44Marc:I was sort of a county rock guy and I had some older dudes I knew at the college and they turned me on to more progressive weirdo music.

00:24:53Marc:So the disco stuff never affected.

00:24:55Marc:In junior high,

00:24:58Marc:I remember listening to AM radio.

00:25:01Marc:But I don't remember specifically disco.

00:25:03Marc:I remember David Bowie's Fame.

00:25:05Marc:I remember Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb, who died.

00:25:09Marc:It's like an episode of your show, and I'm not drunk.

00:25:12Marc:And then I remember Night Moves, Bob Seger.

00:25:16Guest:Bob Seger is great.

00:25:17Guest:I lost my Virginia to his greatest hits.

00:25:19Guest:You did?

00:25:20Guest:Yeah.

00:25:20Marc:How old was the girl?

00:25:23Guest:Well, I was a junior.

00:25:25Guest:So I guess like 16, 15.

00:25:27Marc:Oh, you're both same age, same class?

00:25:29Guest:Yeah.

00:25:30Guest:I just like say 16 and move on.

00:25:33Guest:Yes, we were in the same.

00:25:34Guest:Or she was a year older.

00:25:35Guest:I was held back.

00:25:37Guest:So I was always older than everyone in my class.

00:25:40Marc:So there, see, now starting.

00:25:42Guest:Here we go.

00:25:43Guest:Here we go.

00:25:44Guest:There we go.

00:25:44Guest:So I got held back as a kid.

00:25:48Guest:Oh, what's that about?

00:25:50Guest:What happened there?

00:25:51Guest:Mom, why did I get held back?

00:25:52Guest:Oh, I just thought it would be so cool if you were older than everyone in your class.

00:25:57Guest:So I held you and your brother back in preschool.

00:26:03Guest:Your mom did that?

00:26:03Guest:My mom did that, yeah.

00:26:04Guest:So it wasn't a disciplinary thing?

00:26:06Guest:Your mom just had this weird idea?

00:26:07Guest:Supposedly.

00:26:08Guest:But I also had this very strange... I didn't hit five foot until I was...

00:26:13Guest:maybe 15.

00:26:16Guest:And I got like tested for this thing, which was at that time.

00:26:22Guest:Now I think it's evolved in something else, but it's called growth hormone deficiency.

00:26:25Marc:That's scary.

00:26:26Marc:That's scary when you got to go to the doctor when your parents are like, is he going to whatever?

00:26:30Marc:Yeah.

00:26:31Marc:Is this going to change?

00:26:32Guest:Right.

00:26:33Guest:And I remember them saying, you're only going to be five one and that you'll be the same height as Michael J. Fox.

00:26:43Guest:And I kind of thought that was cool.

00:26:44Marc:That was the positive?

00:26:45Marc:That's how they spun it?

00:26:46Guest:But it's like Michael J. Fox.

00:26:48Guest:I'm like... The doctor told you that?

00:26:50Guest:Yeah, the doctor.

00:26:51Guest:Trying to make you feel good.

00:26:52Guest:She shows me like a picture of... There's Kareem Abdul-Javar.

00:26:56Guest:And then there's Michael J. Fox.

00:26:59Guest:But yeah, they're like, oh, it's a...

00:27:02Guest:2% chance that you'll get cancer.

00:27:04Guest:There's a 3% chance that you'll gain like 20 pounds.

00:27:09Guest:And I think my father's father had just died of cancer.

00:27:14Guest:And they were like, we're not giving him any of these hormones.

00:27:18Guest:So now you're what, 5'8"?

00:27:19Guest:No, I'm like 6'12".

00:27:21Guest:No, I'm 5'6".

00:27:22Guest:5'6"?

00:27:23Guest:Yeah, 5'7".

00:27:24Guest:So you did all right.

00:27:25Guest:I did okay.

00:27:26Guest:Yeah.

00:27:26Guest:I did all right.

00:27:27Guest:I mean, I got flat feet.

00:27:28Guest:Yeah.

00:27:28Guest:I could avoid the draft.

00:27:31Guest:It's how my dad avoid Vietnam.

00:27:33Guest:How is he?

00:27:35Guest:Sorry.

00:27:36Guest:I'm taller than him.

00:27:37Guest:He's probably 5'3".

00:27:38Guest:Oh, really?

00:27:39Marc:So he's 5'3 and flat feet?

00:27:41Marc:Yeah.

00:27:42Marc:Should have written a song.

00:27:46Marc:So this girl that you had sex with for the first time at 16 when you were 5' tall.

00:27:52Marc:Yeah.

00:27:53Marc:Had she had sex before?

00:27:55Marc:Mm-hmm.

00:27:56Marc:Oh.

00:27:56Marc:So she knew what she was doing?

00:27:58Guest:Yeah, but you know, the losing my virginity to Bob Seger is a great story, but the reality is I had sex before that.

00:28:07Guest:Yeah.

00:28:07Guest:And it was my parents, God bless them.

00:28:10Guest:Wait, were they there?

00:28:11Guest:I was allowed to bring girls up in my room as long as I kept the door open.

00:28:17Guest:Oh.

00:28:18Guest:So I learned how to quiet fuck.

00:28:20Guest:No.

00:28:22Guest:But I remember the girl I lost my virginity to.

00:28:24Guest:I was... This is real white trash.

00:28:27Guest:I think I was 14.

00:28:28Guest:And I remember taking the condom and put... My mom's like, okay, we gotta take...

00:28:35Guest:her home and so we're driving her home and i'm holding up because i was too i'm still so scared of anything yeah disease oh yeah but flushing a condom down the toilet i was so petrified of like it'll stuff up the toilet my my parents you know i grew up in church like you won't have sex until you get married right which church uh it was called and still is hunts uh united memorial it's um

00:29:04Guest:Methodist.

00:29:05Guest:Yes, yes.

00:29:06Marc:Are they hardcore?

00:29:08Guest:No, I would say it's like the most laid back.

00:29:11Marc:Not as laid back as Unitarian, but.

00:29:14Marc:No.

00:29:14Marc:Or the Lutherans.

00:29:15Marc:Maybe it goes Unitarian.

00:29:16Guest:Or atheists.

00:29:17Marc:Yeah.

00:29:17Marc:Well, they can be pretty uptight, I found.

00:29:18Marc:No, they are.

00:29:19Guest:Actually.

00:29:21Guest:they love to tell you what they don't believe in uh no but so anyways but i remember coming leaving the house with a pepsi can with a condom inside of it knowing like i had to figure out where to throw this pepsi can away so my parents didn't know i had a condom inside of it yeah and as but you had sex with the girl at your house with the door open with your parents there and they were you you were all driving the girl home and you were sitting there with a condom and a pepsi can

00:29:48Guest:Just my mom and me, yeah.

00:29:50Guest:Oh, just your mom and you?

00:29:51Guest:And the girl.

00:29:52Guest:But dad's at work trying to sell tire parts.

00:29:55Guest:Tire parts.

00:29:56Guest:Weights, valves, jacks.

00:29:59Guest:Pepsi that he worked his ass off for.

00:30:01Marc:So then you and the girl are just kind of smirking at each other nervously.

00:30:05Guest:yeah yeah i think that was do you remember what pop secret song was going because i can't imagine that was the greatest hits and i remember it was weird when um he covers a chuck berry song on that well it was oh yeah uh i can't remember i said levi said oh yeah folks you really can't tell i remember throwing a car

00:30:28Guest:This is cool that I really have always had safe sex.

00:30:32Guest:We had sex with the Bob Seger album, and I threw a raspberry red condom that I'd just gotten from Spain on a field trip to Spain.

00:30:42Marc:As a novelty item that you didn't think you were going to use?

00:30:44Guest:Yeah, I was like, hey, we're in Spain.

00:30:46Guest:Let's get a red condom.

00:30:47Guest:You got to get a condom on a dispensary.

00:30:49Guest:This is cool, man.

00:30:50Guest:Yeah.

00:30:51Guest:Bellissimo.

00:30:52Guest:I know, that's the time.

00:30:53Guest:Bueno.

00:30:54Guest:Let's see.

00:30:55Guest:But I threw a red raspberry condom out in a middle school parking lot, and it really still fucks me up thinking about a kid coming to school the next day with this condom.

00:31:08Guest:We also have sex in this church playground, and I remember cops would come to these parties and be like, I'm so tired of finding condoms here.

00:31:22Guest:You guys had to stop having sex.

00:31:24Guest:Really?

00:31:25Guest:Baltimore is real boring.

00:31:27Guest:All you do is.

00:31:28Marc:That's pretty good.

00:31:28Marc:I didn't really have.

00:31:31Marc:I had sex when I was 17, but I would not call it a successful event.

00:31:35Guest:Well, no.

00:31:35Guest:Yeah.

00:31:36Guest:For one person and never again with that same person.

00:31:40Marc:No, the one I lost my virginity to, no.

00:31:44Marc:I didn't get good at it until college really, and even then, not great.

00:31:49Marc:It took a long time for me to really get the hang of it.

00:31:52Marc:When do you know you're good at it?

00:31:54Marc:When you can honestly know that, like, are you good?

00:32:00Marc:And they're like, yup.

00:32:01Marc:And they're like, all right, then I'm going to go ahead and finish now.

00:32:04Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:06Guest:Giving and receive.

00:32:07Guest:Yeah, withdrawal and... Whatever you got to do.

00:32:10Marc:I think that good is that you can... I think the gauge is how many times and how often or when do you apologize?

00:32:22Marc:It's based on the apology spectrum.

00:32:24Marc:Like if you're like, oh God, sorry, that's not good.

00:32:28Marc:No, sorry during sex is never a good word.

00:32:30Marc:No, but sorry after sex is not great either.

00:32:34Marc:If you can limit the apologies.

00:32:35Marc:Yeah.

00:32:36Marc:Because only if there are apologies out of insecurity.

00:32:39Marc:My bad.

00:32:40Marc:I mean, if you've done something that you should apologize for.

00:32:43Marc:Sure, yeah.

00:32:44Marc:You should probably go ahead and do that.

00:32:45Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:46Marc:At the time.

00:32:47Guest:Yes, yeah, in the moment, in the moment.

00:32:50Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:32:51Guest:Yeah, no, I haven't ever apologized after sex.

00:32:54Marc:Oh, that's good.

00:32:55Marc:That's good.

00:32:55Marc:That's good self-esteem.

00:32:57Guest:Yeah.

00:32:58Guest:I don't know what my go-to thing is afterwards.

00:33:01Guest:I just think you move on.

00:33:03Guest:Or for me, at least.

00:33:05Marc:I got some old Bob Seger Project records.

00:33:07Marc:Really?

00:33:08Marc:Yeah.

00:33:09Marc:What is it, Lovable Loser?

00:33:11Marc:God damn.

00:33:12Marc:There were some big records, man.

00:33:14Marc:I'm not ashamed to say that I liked it.

00:33:17Marc:Did somebody give you hell on liking Seeger?

00:33:20Guest:Maybe like when the Risky Business shit.

00:33:22Guest:I won't even think about that song.

00:33:24Marc:No, it was like, well, Bob Seeger was such straight up American townie rock when he hit, when that Night Moves record hit.

00:33:32Marc:He'd been around for a while.

00:33:34Guest:Yeah.

00:33:34Marc:I think it was called Bob's Secret Project.

00:33:36Marc:There was like two or three of those records.

00:33:38Marc:Was it Bob's Secret Project?

00:33:40Marc:And then he hit with the solo stuff.

00:33:43Marc:And then it just kept happening.

00:33:46Marc:But like Night Moves, when that came on, if it was night outside and you were in a car, it's fucked up.

00:33:50Marc:You're like, oh man, this is great.

00:33:53Marc:This is America, man.

00:33:54Marc:I know.

00:33:54Marc:Yeah.

00:33:56Guest:Man, now I'm thinking about just you'll accompany me.

00:33:59Guest:All his songs you can picture.

00:34:01Guest:I don't even ever remember a Bob Seger video, but we have our own memories about seeing those girls that he made us imagine.

00:34:11Guest:And I remember driving out here with my Pontiac Grand Am 96, not to brag, and I called that fucking car the Hollywood night.

00:34:21Guest:Oh, yeah?

00:34:22Guest:I know.

00:34:22Guest:That's really cheesy, but I was young.

00:34:24Marc:But that's actually a pretty good Seeger song.

00:34:27Guest:It's a great song.

00:34:28Marc:Yeah.

00:34:29Marc:Why can't I find the early Seeger?

00:34:31Marc:Well, I thought it was called Bob Seeger Project.

00:34:36Marc:Which one?

00:34:37Marc:Bob Seeger System.

00:34:38Marc:Huh?

00:34:39Marc:The Bob Seeger System, dude.

00:34:42Guest:I don't know about the Bob Seger system.

00:34:44Marc:You don't?

00:34:44Marc:No.

00:34:45Marc:Yeah, no, it was the Bob Seger system.

00:34:46Marc:Mongrel's one of the records.

00:34:50Marc:Yeah, man.

00:34:51Marc:God, he was around for a long time, and he was like Detroit kind of shit.

00:34:56Guest:Yeah, Kid Rock loves Seger.

00:34:59Guest:Well, how can you not love Seger, really?

00:35:01Guest:Yeah.

00:35:01Guest:But I think Night Moves was the fucking, that was a monster.

00:35:05Marc:Do you remember, like, did you have a good memory for Night Moves?

00:35:10Guest:What?

00:35:10Marc:i just i was sort of a heavy-hearted kid yeah so like any uh any sort of like kind of melancholy song like looking back and it was looking back at something i don't think it happened for me yet you know you know like it's also like it's like uh you know like dream on you know those songs where you're just sort of like oh yeah it's like you know heavy-hearted teenage shit yeah i know the lines in my face are getting clear like shut up you're fucking 12. yeah yeah

00:35:37Marc:But Seeger was an important part, huh?

00:35:39Guest:Yeah.

00:35:40Guest:Seeger.

00:35:40Guest:Yeah.

00:35:40Guest:I love Seeger.

00:35:41Guest:I think, yeah, my parents loved, my dad was in a band.

00:35:44Guest:Really?

00:35:45Guest:Yeah.

00:35:45Guest:He played drums for a band and then now he plays for the church band.

00:35:50Guest:They don't have a name, but I call them God and Roses.

00:35:54Guest:Come on.

00:35:55Marc:He plays for the church band, so they're pretty religious.

00:35:57Guest:Yeah, he plays for the church band.

00:35:58Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:35:58Guest:Yeah, that's how I grew up and yeah.

00:36:00Guest:Yeah.

00:36:01Guest:Do you go to church now?

00:36:02Guest:I do every once in a while, yeah.

00:36:04Guest:Do you have a church?

00:36:06Guest:I don't have a church.

00:36:08Guest:But you'll go?

00:36:09Guest:Yeah, I like church.

00:36:10Guest:I like being with people.

00:36:13Guest:I stopped going to one certain place because...

00:36:17Guest:And, you know, you start doing stuff and, you know, everything's a business, no matter how you look at it.

00:36:24Guest:And I remember, like, being in a prayer group.

00:36:26Guest:You remember realizing that?

00:36:28Guest:No.

00:36:29Guest:Well, realizing, like, okay, do you have any prayers this week?

00:36:33Guest:Yeah, I would like to pray if I'm, I would just really like to get with United Talent Agency.

00:36:41Guest:Like, wait, that's my agency.

00:36:43Guest:We're asking God for something that you're actually asking me to do for you?

00:36:49Guest:Like, that's, and I remember a guy saying like, hey man, we should write a script together.

00:36:54Guest:And I was like, just because we believe in the same thing doesn't mean I like you.

00:36:59Guest:At a church?

00:37:00Guest:Yeah.

00:37:01Marc:Said that to the guy?

00:37:02Guest:Yeah, because it's like a business.

00:37:03Guest:Like, hey, man, let's write a script together.

00:37:06Guest:God bless you.

00:37:07Guest:I'll pray for our script.

00:37:09Guest:Anyway, yeah, I still have faith, and I like God.

00:37:13Guest:I like church, but I get scared of, you know.

00:37:18Guest:what um um politics and like getting too close into those worlds where it's like i think faith is your personal journey and that's up to you it's like uh and don't throw it down someone else's thoughts if like you got somewhere because of where you got then just be thankful for that you don't need to like say well this is what you need to do right that's what i always got scared of is

00:37:41Marc:right proselytizing people and uh yeah missionaries yes yeah yeah that's great that worked for you but that doesn't mean it works for everybody just right yeah be be good but you brought up you brought up in the church decent people you go in there you see everybody there and it's like the families the community yeah i like that yeah nice haircut yeah

00:38:02Guest:How'd your interview go Monday?

00:38:05Guest:Great.

00:38:06Guest:You like that?

00:38:06Guest:They're going to let me ship my boxes.

00:38:08Guest:I do like that.

00:38:09Guest:I like that idea.

00:38:11Guest:But then I think about it, and if I liked that, I wouldn't have left Baltimore.

00:38:16Guest:Yeah.

00:38:16Guest:Because that's all you grow up with.

00:38:18Guest:It's just, God bless them, but it's a merry-go-round of just the same song.

00:38:23Marc:Yeah, Bob Seger.

00:38:24Marc:Yeah.

00:38:24Marc:Bob Seger never stops playing.

00:38:26Guest:Yeah, the night moves.

00:38:27Guest:Unfortunately, the days don't.

00:38:29Marc:Yeah.

00:38:29Guest:But, yeah.

00:38:31Marc:So you just sort of, like, birth, life, death kind of, you know, like, you can see it all play out.

00:38:37Marc:Mm-hmm.

00:38:37Marc:You know, like, you know, for generations.

00:38:39Marc:And you thought, like, there's got to be more than that.

00:38:42Marc:There's got to be more than that.

00:38:43Marc:Hollywood.

00:38:44Marc:Hollywood.

00:38:45Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:38:46Marc:Exactly.

00:38:47Guest:Hollywood days.

00:38:48Guest:You know, I remember, yeah, cranking that song.

00:38:50Guest:Driving across.

00:38:51Guest:Yeah.

00:38:51Guest:Driving across, my brother and I, we rented a U-Haul and towed my Pontiac Grand Am.

00:39:00Guest:Your Grand Am, you get that from your dad?

00:39:02Guest:No, I guess my kind of half me, half a grandmother's inheritance.

00:39:11Marc:Oh, so you bought that car.

00:39:12Guest:It was a used 96 Grand Am.

00:39:14Marc:But when did you decide?

00:39:15Marc:So you're going to high school, you're putting rubbers in soda cans, you're having sex at the church, smoking cigarettes, worried about your height, but nothing too dramatic.

00:39:29Marc:Do you do any theater in high school?

00:39:31Guest:Yeah, I did musicals, but I wanted to be a baseball player.

00:39:37Guest:That was my dream.

00:39:41Guest:Flat-footed, smoked cigs,

00:39:44Marc:Five, whatever.

00:39:46Guest:Yeah.

00:39:47Marc:Did you play high school ball?

00:39:49Guest:I tried to, and I didn't make the team.

00:39:51Guest:And so I started umpiring for Little League, which was the most depressing thing.

00:39:57Guest:Like, oh, I don't get to be on the team.

00:39:59Guest:Did you do that through the church?

00:40:01Guest:No.

00:40:01Guest:It sounds like community service, though.

00:40:04Guest:Yeah.

00:40:04Guest:No, I did it for like seven bucks an hour.

00:40:07Guest:Yeah.

00:40:08Guest:I was getting paid as an umpire.

00:40:10Guest:Pee-wee literally?

00:40:10Guest:Yeah, Pee-wee literally.

00:40:12Guest:And the kids were bigger than me.

00:40:13Guest:It was really fucked up.

00:40:15Guest:Man, there's scary people everywhere, but parents of sports kids are the scariest.

00:40:21Guest:They are, dude.

00:40:22Guest:I mean, that's their stock market.

00:40:24Guest:They're not far from what we see as the cliche showbiz moms and dads here.

00:40:29Guest:The parents of athletes are frightening.

00:40:32Guest:And I remember them yelling at me and being very, very mean.

00:40:36Guest:But anyway, yeah, so I wanted to be a baseball player, and then I didn't make it to high school, but I was making little movies with my friends in my neighborhood, and then I was like, a dear friend told me to audition for Fiddler on the Roof.

00:40:49Guest:Yeah?

00:40:50Guest:You played Tevye?

00:40:51Guest:No.

00:40:52Guest:Some background guy that they named Tham, I think, to be nice to me.

00:40:55Guest:Did you put a fake beard on and pay us and wear a yarmulke?

00:40:59Guest:No, I'll never wear a yarmulke skin.

00:41:02Guest:No, I think I wore a yarmulke.

00:41:04Guest:Yeah, and sang Anna Tevka.

00:41:05Guest:Yeah.

00:41:06Guest:And that was, yeah, I loved it, but all my friends kind of made fun of me.

00:41:10Guest:But we did like, you know, they do those...

00:41:14Guest:Yeah, classic.

00:41:18Guest:But we did, pardon me, Guys and Dolls.

00:41:21Guest:Oh, you did?

00:41:22Guest:And I remember being really nervous.

00:41:24Guest:This was the first time I'm playing a pretty big part, Harry the Horse.

00:41:27Guest:Not to brag, Harry the Horse.

00:41:29Guest:I got the horse right here.

00:41:30Guest:And...

00:41:31Guest:You know, I'm not someone that was like, oh, I'm real popular, but I wasn't a jock.

00:41:37Guest:I wasn't a nerd.

00:41:38Guest:I was kind of in the middle.

00:41:39Guest:But this is the first time I'm being in front of a lot of people.

00:41:42Guest:They do those previews in front of the whole school.

00:41:45Guest:And I remember being so excited and so nervous.

00:41:49Guest:And so we're singing and everyone's like laughing.

00:41:51Guest:And I'm clapping when I come out, and it just feels so good.

00:41:57Guest:And they can't stop laughing, and I look down, and on my dick is one of those laser pen pointers.

00:42:04Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:42:05Marc:Someone listed from the audience was... Yeah.

00:42:10Yeah.

00:42:10Guest:Why you?

00:42:12Guest:These are just the beginnings of depression.

00:42:14Guest:Why were you?

00:42:15Guest:Why you?

00:42:17Guest:Why'd they sing you out?

00:42:18Guest:No, I think it was on everyone's, to be fair, on the guys' and dolls' genitalia areas.

00:42:23Guest:Yeah.

00:42:23Marc:So there are several people out in the audience with lasers.

00:42:25Guest:Several people, yeah, in Baltimore.

00:42:27Guest:If you weren't fucking in a church, you had a laser pen pointing at people's dicks.

00:42:33Guest:I remember the kid, like, apologized on the announcements, and he said, like, I'm a red light user, and I apologize, like, for doing this, and just kind of made a joke out of it.

00:42:43Guest:Yeah.

00:42:44Guest:And I hated it.

00:42:45Guest:Do you know the kid?

00:42:46Guest:Yeah.

00:42:47Guest:Facebook friends.

00:42:48Guest:I wrote to him recently and said, like, every time I see a red laser, I always think of you.

00:42:53Guest:You did not.

00:42:54Guest:I did.

00:42:55Guest:I don't hold back.

00:42:56Guest:But you're friends still?

00:42:58Guest:No, I'm not friends with them.

00:42:59Guest:On Facebook, sure.

00:43:01Marc:Just so I can... Well, yeah.

00:43:04Marc:Once a year, you do the laser?

00:43:05Guest:Once a year, like, yeah, here's the... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:09Guest:Thinking about you, yeah.

00:43:10Marc:So you were singing?

00:43:11Marc:You did some singing?

00:43:12Guest:Singing, I did some singing.

00:43:13Guest:I was in a band in high school.

00:43:15Marc:And you did the old suit?

00:43:16Marc:I did.

00:43:16Marc:You wore the old suit for the guys and dolls?

00:43:18Marc:Yeah.

00:43:18Marc:Is that Luck Be A Lady?

00:43:19Marc:That's Luck Be A Lady, right?

00:43:20Guest:That's Luck Be A Lady, yeah.

00:43:21Marc:Yeah, and then there's the one with- I was right here.

00:43:23Marc:Yeah.

00:43:23Guest:His name was Paul Revere.

00:43:25Guest:Yeah.

00:43:27Marc:So that's where it starts, right?

00:43:28Guest:That's where it starts.

00:43:29Guest:And then I got the lead in the next year, which I was George Gibbs in our town.

00:43:35Guest:Finally, I get to be a lead in a play.

00:43:37Guest:Sorry, the auditorium is going through renovation.

00:43:40Guest:Our town will take place in the cafeteria.

00:43:46Guest:Really?

00:43:47Guest:We did in the cafeteria.

00:43:48Guest:Yeah.

00:43:48Guest:Some town.

00:43:49Guest:Yeah.

00:43:50Guest:This is our town.

00:43:51Guest:Yeah.

00:43:52Guest:Not great, huh?

00:43:53Marc:With those long tables.

00:43:54Marc:Yeah.

00:43:56Marc:Yeah.

00:43:56Marc:The screeching tables.

00:43:57Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:43:58Marc:Yeah.

00:43:58Marc:So, okay.

00:43:59Marc:So then, but you say you sang in a rock band too?

00:44:01Marc:Yeah.

00:44:01Guest:I was in a band, yeah, in high school.

00:44:03Guest:That was just... Do you play?

00:44:05Guest:I play guitar for fun, but I'm not good.

00:44:07Guest:I love music.

00:44:09Guest:Did you play gigs?

00:44:11Guest:Yeah, we did a middle school show.

00:44:13Guest:Nothing that got us paid.

00:44:15Guest:What songs?

00:44:16Marc:Did you know a full set?

00:44:18Guest:We did a lot of covers in some originals, like Rockin' in the Free World.

00:44:22Guest:I don't think, no, no Seeger.

00:44:24Guest:Fuck, man.

00:44:25Guest:I did country.

00:44:26Guest:I was into Garth Brooks.

00:44:28Guest:I was really into Garth Brooks.

00:44:29Guest:Really?

00:44:30Guest:Yeah.

00:44:30Huh.

00:44:31Marc:I know.

00:44:31Marc:Like what song?

00:44:33Guest:Well, then was The River.

00:44:35Guest:It's all about dreaming.

00:44:36Guest:Yeah.

00:44:37Guest:And I was real cheesy.

00:44:39Marc:You were into Garth Brooks.

00:44:41Guest:I was into Garth Brooks.

00:44:42Guest:What is this, high school?

00:44:43Guest:Yeah.

00:44:43Marc:Huh.

00:44:44Guest:Pearl Jam.

00:44:45Guest:They're still my favorite band.

00:44:47Marc:Really?

00:44:47Marc:Yeah.

00:44:48Guest:Yeah.

00:44:48Marc:You like Pearl Jam?

00:44:49Guest:I do.

00:44:50Marc:I have no problem with Pearl Jam.

00:44:51Marc:Thank you.

00:44:52Marc:There was a big drop-off for me, though.

00:44:54Marc:I know they made a lot of records, but after Versus, I was like, I'm out.

00:44:58Marc:That was it.

00:44:59Marc:He only gave them two albums.

00:45:01Marc:Well, I mean, I have some of their other records.

00:45:03Marc:I don't know any of the songs on them, though.

00:45:04Guest:i think i have that neil young mirrorball record and i have uh like that how are you gonna top that first record it's one of the best albums ever i think so the reason why i defend them well not even defend you're not arguing no problem is seeing them live is that they're the best live band i've ever seen never play the same set they they write it like the day of so they're i don't know why bands don't do that more yeah i guess good bands do

00:45:31Marc:No, I think they're just like a classic hard rock band.

00:45:34Marc:Not even hard rock, just a classic rock band.

00:45:37Marc:Like when they first came out, I was like, all right, this is like the new Bad Company.

00:45:40Guest:Here we go.

00:45:41Guest:You thought Pearl Jam was a new Bad Company.

00:45:44Guest:God damn, I almost believed you.

00:45:46Marc:No, I did.

00:45:47Marc:Really?

00:45:48Marc:Yeah.

00:45:48Marc:Obviously, they had a little more range in Bad Company, but I thought because Paul Rogers has, I think, one of the greatest voices ever.

00:45:57Marc:And I just felt that the template for having a guy with a unique voice with great pipes that really sounded like...

00:46:04Marc:You know, just him.

00:46:06Marc:Yeah.

00:46:06Marc:You know, Vedder doesn't sound like anybody else.

00:46:08Marc:Paul Rogers doesn't sound like anybody else.

00:46:10Guest:Yeah.

00:46:10Marc:And, like, you know, Ready for Love, Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Seagull, You Fly Across the Horizon, Give Me Silver, Blue, and Gold.

00:46:18Marc:And then Johnny Was a Schoolboy.

00:46:20Marc:Oh, it's a great song.

00:46:22Marc:I mean, like, why not?

00:46:23Marc:Like, I'm not diminishing Pearl Jam.

00:46:26Marc:Yeah.

00:46:27Marc:It just was my impression when they first came out.

00:46:29Marc:But they transcended Bad Company, okay?

00:46:31Guest:How...

00:46:32Guest:Has there been ever another band that do a song named that's a band name?

00:46:37Marc:Bad company that I can't deny.

00:46:40Marc:Was that their first song?

00:46:41Guest:I mean, they had to come out of the gate with that.

00:46:44Marc:I don't know if that's on the first record.

00:46:45Marc:It must be.

00:46:46Guest:It has to be.

00:46:47Marc:Well, I know, like, you know what their big song was?

00:46:50Marc:Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

00:46:53Marc:Will I take whatever I want?

00:46:56Guest:Yeah.

00:46:56Guest:And I won't eat.

00:46:57Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:46:58Guest:Oh, wow.

00:46:58Guest:Okay.

00:46:59Okay.

00:46:59Guest:And then what's the making love one?

00:47:01Guest:Feel like making... Yeah, a lot of hits, huh?

00:47:06Guest:His voice is great.

00:47:07Marc:A lot of hits, yeah.

00:47:11Marc:So you get out of high school and you're going to be a star?

00:47:13Guest:How's it work?

00:47:13Guest:Yeah, well, I was like, I want to be Al Pacino and Chris Farley.

00:47:18Guest:If I could combine those two, I want to act and I want to be funny.

00:47:22Guest:And any time I acted, people would laugh.

00:47:26Guest:And I think it was because I couldn't act.

00:47:28Marc:yeah i was like you were on my show i thought you did a good job thank you you were kind of menacing right that was the menacing you were kind of scary guy at the party yeah my girlfriend's friend that was so much fun yeah it was freezing out here o'donnell i remember that yeah yeah it was a very like boys don't cry right exactly yeah it was creepy it was really creepy that was fun that was that was season one yep yeah

00:47:51Marc:So what happened?

00:47:52Marc:So you tell your parents, Ma, Pa, I'm getting a Grand Am, and I'm going to play Bob Seger all across this great country.

00:47:59Guest:I'm going to go try this, and I wanted to do Second City, so I went to Chicago for a couple days, and I went to Toronto for a couple days to try to feel out what the people were like.

00:48:11Guest:Just for two days?

00:48:12Guest:Yeah.

00:48:12Guest:Yeah, to decide where to move.

00:48:14Guest:And so I decided Toronto because it felt more open to people that were just starting out.

00:48:21Guest:So I lived in Toronto for six months.

00:48:23Guest:Really?

00:48:23Guest:Studying Second City there.

00:48:25Guest:Yeah.

00:48:26Marc:How was that with the Canadians?

00:48:27Guest:Oh, I loved it.

00:48:28Guest:I loved it so much.

00:48:29Guest:It's probably, besides the recent purchase of my bike, the best decision I've ever made.

00:48:37Guest:Pedal bike or motorbike?

00:48:38Guest:Pedal bike.

00:48:39Guest:I love it.

00:48:40Guest:i hate working out but man i love that goddamn bike yeah you just bought one yeah i never had a bike yeah and you know do you drive it along that bike path near tulico lake exactly yeah yeah that's great yeah it's really fun what kind of bike uh it's like a mountain bike so but it's like eight speeds and i don't know did you buy it from yelp reviews or recommendation no i walked into a store

00:49:03Marc:The one in two?

00:49:04Guest:Noho bike, I think it's called.

00:49:07Marc:The guy just said, this is what you need.

00:49:08Guest:He goes, what would you like?

00:49:09Guest:And I said, a bike.

00:49:11Guest:And he's like, what, fat tires, skinny tires?

00:49:13Guest:And I was like, fat tires.

00:49:14Guest:And then he's like, here, ride this one around.

00:49:16Guest:And I was like, oh, my God.

00:49:17Guest:I felt like a kid again.

00:49:18Guest:I never had a bike.

00:49:20Guest:Because you don't want to ride a bike around certain parts here.

00:49:22Guest:Fucking... You're an idiot.

00:49:24Guest:When I see people, like, riding their bikes, A, either, like, at night... I have a light, but still, like, when it's nighttime, there's... You can walk.

00:49:32Guest:Yeah.

00:49:32Guest:You can do something and stuff.

00:49:33Guest:Drive a car, even.

00:49:35Guest:But people honestly just, like, oh, but I'm riding my bike, like...

00:49:39Guest:I don't know, that's the shit that pisses me off.

00:49:41Guest:Like, are you riding your bike or are you just trying to make us feel bad that we're driving a car?

00:49:46Marc:I get concerned for people doing anything in a road where they're not protected with people texting and driving.

00:49:53Guest:It's petrifying.

00:49:54Marc:I just, I barely like walking on the sidewalk.

00:49:57Guest:Mark, what do you do?

00:49:58Guest:Because I've now honked now.

00:50:00Guest:I will not let, as soon as I see someone's head down, I just nail the horn.

00:50:05Marc:Yeah, no, yeah, right away.

00:50:07Marc:yeah because that is something that i don't know how like you see all the technology evolving that to me is going to kill us really soon sure yeah it's one of the things it's not paying attention yeah it's not it's not there there are a lot of things going on that might kill more people all at once sure but but slowly the texting and driving is going to pick everybody off somehow anyway but

00:50:29Marc:But, all right, so we go back to Toronto.

00:50:31Marc:Toronto.

00:50:32Marc:So you get into Second City.

00:50:34Guest:Well, I took classes, so I was just like learning and like doing stand-up and just trying.

00:50:40Guest:You were?

00:50:40Guest:Yeah.

00:50:41Marc:You did some stand-up?

00:50:42Marc:Yeah.

00:50:42Marc:How'd that go?

00:50:44Guest:I'm not doing it anymore.

00:50:49Guest:You know, I like funny, but I don't like having to be funny, and I wasn't good.

00:50:54Guest:When I came out here, I was doing more open mics out here, and I liked...

00:50:59Guest:i liked it just as a way of meeting people but i don't think i was very good at it but you came out like so so you're in toronto for six months it's nice to be in canada it's relieving so really even so i like nice people loonies toonies like the money is really cool it's safe i didn't have a car so i walked everywhere and uh yeah it's a beautiful place yeah i like it so you're there for six months and you're like i'm going to hollywood

00:51:23Marc:I'm going to Hollywood.

00:51:25Marc:Did you make any connections?

00:51:26Marc:Did you meet any people?

00:51:28Marc:Are any of the people that you were in Toronto with here now?

00:51:30Guest:Some, yeah.

00:51:32Guest:Some teachers are here now.

00:51:35Guest:Some performers.

00:51:36Guest:But yeah, I left.

00:51:38Guest:They like...

00:51:40Guest:Were you in a sketch group there?

00:51:42Guest:I was in a sketch group out here.

00:51:44Guest:There I was mostly just doing like comedy sports and cheesy stuff like that.

00:51:49Guest:Improv?

00:51:49Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:52Guest:It wasn't until years later I got into Ha Ha Fresh.

00:51:56Guest:Wow.

00:51:57Guest:That's like Baja Fresh.

00:51:58Guest:I get it.

00:51:59Marc:I get it.

00:52:00Guest:I wanted it to be called Bon Jokey.

00:52:02Guest:Yeah.

00:52:02Guest:Because I hate improv names.

00:52:04Guest:I hate sketch group names.

00:52:05Guest:You were in Ha Ha Fresh?

00:52:06Guest:Yeah, thank you.

00:52:08Ha Ha.

00:52:08Marc:But how does it happen?

00:52:10Guest:Sorry, that's Los Angeles.

00:52:12Guest:I'm jumping ahead.

00:52:13Marc:Well, yeah, it's all right.

00:52:15Marc:Do you go back home?

00:52:15Guest:I go back home, work for a little bit.

00:52:17Marc:At the store?

00:52:18Guest:At the store.

00:52:19Guest:And also cutting grass.

00:52:21Guest:I was cutting grass.

00:52:25Marc:It sounds like you go back to Maryland and you go back in time.

00:52:28Marc:Yeah.

00:52:28Marc:You were cutting grass?

00:52:29Guest:Yeah.

00:52:30Guest:I did landscaping there.

00:52:31Guest:Yeah.

00:52:32Marc:By yourself?

00:52:32Marc:You work for a company?

00:52:33Marc:I work for a company, yeah.

00:52:34Marc:Oh, because you don't know how to do that stuff, right?

00:52:36Marc:No.

00:52:37Marc:I mean, kind of.

00:52:39Marc:You just mow.

00:52:40Marc:You just mow.

00:52:41Marc:I remember the guy, my neighbor told me when I first cut, was mowing my front yard when I was a kid, I was just kind of randomly doing it, and the guy next door was like, you gotta do rows.

00:52:50Marc:You gotta cut in rows.

00:52:52Marc:You weren't doing it in rows?

00:52:53Marc:No, I don't know what I was doing.

00:52:54Marc:I was just kind of winging it.

00:52:54Marc:Ha ha ha ha.

00:52:57Marc:It's a profound moment.

00:52:59Marc:It makes sense.

00:53:00Marc:You gotta do rows.

00:53:01Marc:Of course you do.

00:53:02Marc:Yeah.

00:53:02Marc:What was I fucking doing?

00:53:03Marc:No one taught me anything.

00:53:04Marc:I don't know what my parents were doing.

00:53:06Marc:I was just out there with an electric mower doing circles and shit.

00:53:10Marc:Randomly fucking mowing the lawn.

00:53:12Guest:Yeah.

00:53:13Guest:Yeah.

00:53:13Guest:I got trained young because my grandparents had a 10-acre farm, so I would cut that lawn, and that was on a big tractor I had.

00:53:22Marc:This is your... My dad's dad.

00:53:25Marc:The guy who gave your dad the business, the tire supply business.

00:53:30Marc:They have animals?

00:53:31Marc:Yeah.

00:53:33Guest:When I was little, there was a lot, but mostly just this 29-year-old pony.

00:53:39Guest:I remember that being so confusing to me.

00:53:42Guest:So you think ponies become horses, but they don't.

00:53:45Guest:It's a 29-year-old pony.

00:53:46Marc:I never thought, I guess maybe I thought one time, but you really expected that pony.

00:53:50Marc:When I was a kid.

00:53:51Marc:Oh, you just couldn't understand?

00:53:52Marc:Yeah.

00:53:53Marc:But you probably felt like you had something in common with it.

00:53:55Marc:I did.

00:53:56Marc:Eon.

00:53:57Marc:Yeah, great, yeah, Eon.

00:53:59Guest:Eon was his name?

00:54:00Guest:Yeah.

00:54:01Guest:Both of you were kind of stuck.

00:54:02Guest:We were very stuck.

00:54:04Guest:Yeah.

00:54:05Guest:I don't think Eon's with us anymore.

00:54:07Guest:Probably not.

00:54:07Guest:I think you could probably find out.

00:54:09Guest:Do you want to make a call?

00:54:10Marc:No, no.

00:54:11Guest:Yeah.

00:54:12Guest:Hey, Dad, before I ask you about how the tire business started, is Eon dead or alive?

00:54:21Guest:But yeah, cutting grass really did fuck me up because I remember in cutting that farm, I accidentally ran over a patch of rabbits.

00:54:32Marc:Oh, come on.

00:54:32Marc:And it fucked me up so bad.

00:54:34Marc:You never recover from that.

00:54:36Marc:Yeah.

00:54:37Marc:I shot a pigeon...

00:54:39Marc:I didn't want to, but my friend in the game had a pellet gun.

00:54:42Marc:Oh, but you knew you were going to do it?

00:54:44Marc:He pressured me.

00:54:45Guest:Shoot the pigeon mark.

00:54:46Marc:Yeah.

00:54:47Guest:Come on, dude.

00:54:48Guest:I shot one.

00:54:49Guest:Yeah.

00:54:50Guest:And then what happened?

00:54:51Guest:Did he high five you?

00:54:52Marc:It just broke my heart, dropped that fucking pigeon.

00:54:54Guest:I know, but what was his sick reaction to it?

00:54:57Guest:Dude.

00:54:58Marc:You know.

00:54:59Marc:It's dead.

00:55:00Marc:Yeah.

00:55:00Guest:You got him.

00:55:01Marc:But it didn't seem dead to me.

00:55:03Marc:And I had to shoot it again.

00:55:05Guest:What is with kids and doing that shit?

00:55:07Guest:I remember fishing with a guy.

00:55:09Guest:And he was like, just take the fish and scalp it.

00:55:13Guest:And he just stuck the knife.

00:55:15Guest:And I was like, I want to throw the fish back.

00:55:17Guest:I like fishing.

00:55:18Guest:I don't want to eat it.

00:55:20Guest:I just like fishing.

00:55:21Guest:And he just took the knife and stabbed it in the fish.

00:55:24Marc:And threw it away.

00:55:25Marc:Yeah.

00:55:26Marc:Yeah, but you can't.

00:55:27Marc:With fishing, though, if you hook it too bad, you throw it back in.

00:55:29Marc:It's going to be all fucked up.

00:55:30Marc:I know.

00:55:31Marc:I'm just floating there.

00:55:32Marc:Get some fucking abscess.

00:55:34Marc:Yeah.

00:55:35Marc:Anyway.

00:55:36Marc:Yeah, I was never a hunter.

00:55:37Marc:It just hurt me.

00:55:38Marc:I had to kill a mouse once at a restaurant.

00:55:40Marc:That fucking broke my heart.

00:55:41Marc:But it had to happen.

00:55:41Marc:It had to happen.

00:55:42Marc:I've had to kill some mice in my time.

00:55:43Marc:Wait, what do you mean you had to?

00:55:45Marc:I was stuck on a glue trap at the restaurant I was working on, just sitting there like... Then you got to fucking kill it.

00:55:50Marc:You can just throw it away.

00:55:51Marc:Fucking stuck to a glue trap still alive.

00:55:54Marc:I put it out of its misery.

00:55:55Guest:God.

00:55:56Marc:And they had glue traps at the apartment in Astoria, and you gotta fucking kill the thing.

00:56:01Marc:It's really fucked up.

00:56:02Guest:The place that I just got, I inherited this woman that lived there's turtles and koi fish.

00:56:09Guest:What?

00:56:09Guest:And this koi fish- You bought the house?

00:56:11Guest:Yeah, I bought the house.

00:56:12Marc:With turtles and koi fish?

00:56:13Marc:Yeah.

00:56:14Marc:It's got a koi pond.

00:56:15Marc:Mm-hmm.

00:56:15Marc:In the back.

00:56:16Marc:Mm-hmm.

00:56:16Marc:Okay.

00:56:18Guest:But the one of the koi got real sick a couple weeks ago, and- How long have you been there?

00:56:24Guest:A year.

00:56:25Guest:How'd you fuck up the fish?

00:56:26Guest:I didn't do anything.

00:56:27Guest:I feed them well.

00:56:28Guest:I have someone clean it.

00:56:30Guest:I'm good.

00:56:31Guest:I'm a good fish owner.

00:56:32Guest:Yeah.

00:56:34Guest:But this fish, they're old.

00:56:35Guest:They're very old.

00:56:37Guest:And this lady was obsessed with rescue animals, so all of them are like half handicapped.

00:56:43Marc:Rescue koi?

00:56:43Guest:Yeah.

00:56:44Guest:Rescue koi.

00:56:45Marc:And rescue turtles?

00:56:46Guest:Yeah.

00:56:46Guest:Yeah, for real.

00:56:47Guest:I mean, who knows?

00:56:48Guest:That's what she told me.

00:56:49Guest:But long story short is that the koi fish was really fat, really bloated, and then just laid up and was just floating on the top of the pond.

00:56:59Guest:So I picked it up and put it in the trash can and it just started moving.

00:57:03Guest:It was still alive.

00:57:04Guest:And I was like, oh, my God.

00:57:06Guest:What do I do?

00:57:07Guest:I didn't know what to do.

00:57:08Guest:Do I kill it?

00:57:10Guest:It's dying.

00:57:11Guest:Wait it out.

00:57:12Guest:So a friend told me I put it in a bucket of ice.

00:57:16Guest:Freeze it.

00:57:18Marc:Is that what you did?

00:57:18Marc:Yeah.

00:57:20Guest:What would you do?

00:57:21Guest:I don't know, man.

00:57:22Guest:I don't have a dog.

00:57:26Guest:I don't have a girlfriend.

00:57:27Guest:I don't want them to die like that.

00:57:30Guest:I don't want to get in a relationship and then watch them like floating like that.

00:57:33Guest:No, I got too many other things to do.

00:57:40Marc:All right, so what happens when you come out here?

00:57:45Marc:You drove with your brother.

00:57:47Marc:You packed up your shit.

00:57:48Guest:Yeah, and I worked.

00:57:50Guest:Did you have a plan?

00:57:52Guest:I knew I wanted to.

00:57:54Guest:Second City was just about to start out here, so I was going to take classes there.

00:57:59Guest:That was my plan, but nothing.

00:58:01Marc:That's it.

00:58:02Marc:I was 19.

00:58:03Marc:It always fascinates me because we come out here,

00:58:06Marc:to be in show business but we don't know fucking you know some people do some people set shit up but that stuff never pans out right you know it's like you just come out here and like now what and you're in this sprawling shitty city yeah you're hanging around comedy venues yeah so what's up yeah it's crazy yeah you don't and you think back though but we we didn't think it was crazy though

00:58:29Marc:I guess not, but I took two stabs at it.

00:58:32Marc:It took me a while to really come back out here.

00:58:34Marc:I got spit out pretty early, and then I went back to New York and started there.

00:58:39Marc:But by the time I came out here, I wanted to make pretty fucking sure that I had something to do.

00:58:43Marc:To be out here with nothing to do is the worst.

00:58:46Marc:Yeah.

00:58:47Guest:Yeah, when you see all these people with their great lives.

00:58:50Marc:But you just see everybody trying.

00:58:52Marc:It's like, you know, and you're all at that level.

00:58:55Marc:And, you know, you're all looking at each other like, is it going to be you?

00:58:58Marc:Is it going to be me?

00:58:59Marc:And you're like, I know it's not going to be that guy.

00:59:00Marc:And then that guy becomes the big star.

00:59:03Guest:Yeah.

00:59:04Guest:Makes no sense.

00:59:05Marc:Yeah.

00:59:06Marc:So you didn't take classes then?

00:59:08Marc:You just...

00:59:08Guest:i just yeah i took classes i was working at tower video and i was like that was a job yeah yeah that was a job and then back on sunset when it was on sunset yeah right across from the yeah the records was on one side and the video right on the oh yeah yeah

00:59:25Guest:I loved it.

00:59:27Guest:It was really fun.

00:59:28Guest:And I didn't like, I don't know, I got to meet cool people and, you know, working in a video store.

00:59:33Guest:That seems pretty cliche when you first move out here.

00:59:36Marc:But in that area, like, you met people?

00:59:38Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:59:39Guest:I mean, yeah, like, you know, Sylvester Stallone.

00:59:42Guest:I got Sylvester Stallone American Pie.

00:59:44Guest:Yeah?

00:59:45Guest:Yeah.

00:59:46Guest:One, I remember probably the best thing that happened to me there was a guy asked for a movie.

00:59:52Guest:I can't remember the name of it.

00:59:53Guest:But the guy said a couple people in it, and one of the names was Sidney Poitier, and that was the only one I recognized.

00:59:59Guest:Uh-huh.

01:00:00Guest:And I was trying to put it in the computer, and I couldn't spell it.

01:00:05Guest:It's tough, man.

01:00:06Guest:So then he spelled it for me.

01:00:09Guest:Wait, P-O-I-T-I-E-R?

01:00:09Guest:Yeah, no.

01:00:10Guest:Yeah.

01:00:10Guest:Unfortunately, we didn't have it after.

01:00:14Guest:And so the guy left and then my boss said, why did you just have Sidney Poitier spelling you his own goddamn name?

01:00:22Guest:And I was like, I thought it'd be funny.

01:00:26Yeah.

01:00:26Guest:But I never, you know, all I'd seen was like John Waters and Cal Ripken.

01:00:30Guest:I didn't know anything with celebrities.

01:00:32Guest:But yeah, Tower Video was great.

01:00:33Guest:And then I started doing Second City and getting like small commercial parts.

01:00:39Guest:But yeah.

01:00:40Guest:You got an agent?

01:00:41Guest:I got an agent.

01:00:43Guest:I did this play out here with Jenna Fisher.

01:00:47Marc:Oh, yeah.

01:00:48Marc:I like her.

01:00:48Marc:I talked to her.

01:00:49Guest:Yeah.

01:00:50Guest:She's awesome.

01:00:51Guest:And so Bob Odenkirk's wife was there and she was the manager.

01:00:56Guest:Yeah.

01:00:56Marc:Naomi Odenkirk.

01:00:57Marc:Naomi Odenkirk.

01:00:58Marc:Formerly Naomi Yomtov.

01:01:00Marc:Whoa.

01:01:01Marc:Yeah.

01:01:01Marc:That's a deep cut.

01:01:02Marc:I know.

01:01:03Marc:I go back, man.

01:01:04Guest:Wait, how do you say the last name?

01:01:06Marc:I think it's Naomi Yomtov, which is good day in Hebrew.

01:01:09Marc:Yomtov.

01:01:10Marc:Yeah, she was around New York back in the day.

01:01:13Marc:I remember her.

01:01:14Marc:Wow.

01:01:14Marc:So she was there.

01:01:15Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:01:15Guest:And so, yeah, she wanted to see me do something.

01:01:18Guest:She's a manager.

01:01:18Guest:And she wanted to see me do something that was like my own.

01:01:21Guest:And I didn't know who she was.

01:01:23Guest:And I said, oh, me and my best friend Craig are doing a sketch show at Second City where it's basically us trying to be like Bob and David.

01:01:31Guest:She's like, oh, that's funny.

01:01:32Guest:It's my husband's Bob Odenkirk.

01:01:34Guest:And then I was like, well, that's fucking nuts because my writing partner lives with your sister.

01:01:40Guest:Because Craig met this girl, Anna, on Craigslist.

01:01:46Guest:And she was like, oh, you guys like Mr. Show?

01:01:49Guest:We were watching Mr. Show.

01:01:50Guest:He goes, that's my brother-in-law.

01:01:51Guest:And we're like, whoa.

01:01:52Guest:So we secretly got their home number.

01:01:56Guest:My friend Craig and I used to get drunk and call Bob Odenkirk and leave messages like Mr. Showlines.

01:02:02Guest:You did?

01:02:03Guest:Yeah.

01:02:04Guest:And I remember telling him that a long time ago.

01:02:07Guest:And he's like, why would you do that?

01:02:10Yeah.

01:02:12Guest:It's a very practical question.

01:02:14Guest:Great question.

01:02:15Guest:And I don't know why we do that.

01:02:16Guest:I guess just because you could.

01:02:17Guest:Yeah.

01:02:17Guest:Phone numbers used to be like tweeting where like, oh, I can say whatever I want.

01:02:22Marc:I got their number.

01:02:22Marc:Yeah.

01:02:23Marc:I got their number.

01:02:24Marc:So you were living with Naomi's sister?

01:02:26Guest:Craig was?

01:02:27Guest:Craig was, yeah.

01:02:28Guest:Craig, what's his last name?

01:02:28Guest:And Step.

01:02:29Guest:Where's that guy?

01:02:30Guest:Yeah, he's still writing.

01:02:32Marc:Yeah.

01:02:32Guest:He's still here.

01:02:33Guest:Yeah, we came out at the same time, year 2000.

01:02:35Marc:Didn't Naomi have, like, I'm trying to put this together.

01:02:38Marc:Didn't she have a dude that she represented, a sketch guy, heavyset guy that died?

01:02:43Marc:Yeah.

01:02:44Guest:He's my favorite, Jim Zulovic.

01:02:46Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:02:46Guest:That's the play that Jen and I were doing together.

01:02:49Guest:And Jim is the reason why I knew so much about Disco Demolition.

01:02:54Guest:And him and Bob were writing a movie about the Disco Demolition.

01:02:57Marc:That was a history, drunk history episode.

01:02:59Guest:It was, yeah.

01:03:00Guest:But, yeah, Steve Dolan.

01:03:02Guest:Yeah.

01:03:02Guest:But anyway, yeah, that was Jim Zolovic.

01:03:05Guest:He was one of her first clients.

01:03:06Guest:Funny guy, and if it wasn't for him, I don't think I would still be here.

01:03:10Guest:He really helped me.

01:03:11Guest:He directed my one-man show, and he just, yeah, and he put me in this play that I got to meet Bob and Naomi.

01:03:18Marc:And so Naomi managed you?

01:03:20Marc:Mm-hmm.

01:03:20Marc:Still?

01:03:21Guest:Yeah, still, yeah.

01:03:21Guest:No kidding.

01:03:22Guest:Yeah.

01:03:23Marc:Well, that's great.

01:03:24Marc:i'm very lucky man and then you but so how does it lead how does the career unfold so you you know from her managing you you know you work with bob didn't bob produce something bob produced this uh show called derrick and simon i did with uh simon helberg who's on the big bang theory yeah um i know that guy the guy with the haircut

01:03:43Guest:One of the geeks.

01:03:45Guest:Yeah.

01:03:46Guest:He's got a haircut.

01:03:47Guest:I think... Yeah, that's a great... The Jewish guy.

01:03:50Guest:Yes.

01:03:50Guest:Yeah, I like him.

01:03:51Marc:Nice guy.

01:03:52Guest:Great guy.

01:03:53Guest:Yeah, so we did a sketch show called Derek and Simon for HBO.

01:03:57Guest:Yeah.

01:03:58Guest:Didn't get picked up.

01:03:59Guest:Had Zach Galifianakis in it, Bill Hader.

01:04:02Guest:It was a real...

01:04:04Guest:I liked it a lot.

01:04:05Marc:That's a big shot.

01:04:06Guest:It was a big shot, and we didn't make it.

01:04:09Guest:But it made it to Sundance, and that was like, oh, man, we made it to Sundance.

01:04:13Marc:Oh, yeah?

01:04:14Guest:Yeah, and that was a cool, cool journey.

01:04:16Guest:I remember a real drunk night with Bob Odenkirk.

01:04:20Guest:and you know you're out with a guy that you really look up to and you're drunk is like a I don't know that at that time I was like this is so cool I'm with my hero and he's fucked up yeah and we got back to our place in Utah where we were staying and we're

01:04:35Guest:we were sitting in a house of like six or eight people and we got home it was maybe like one or two and no one was up and we're just sitting there like where is everybody and i i look next to bob and it's a picture of like a wife and her kids and i'm like bob we're in the wrong house

01:04:56Guest:We're just sitting, chilling in these people's houses.

01:04:59Guest:We have no idea who they are.

01:05:01Guest:Luckily.

01:05:02Guest:I love wrong house stories.

01:05:03Guest:Yeah, wrong house stories are right.

01:05:06Guest:Whoopsie-daisy.

01:05:07Marc:You know who has a lot of wrong house stories from?

01:05:10Marc:Levittown in New York.

01:05:12Marc:Really?

01:05:12Marc:Yeah, because all the houses look the same.

01:05:15Marc:I've heard several wrong house stories because it was that development, that post-war development.

01:05:20Marc:Yeah, people just walk in.

01:05:21Marc:Yeah, because they all look the same, the houses.

01:05:24Guest:fuck i mean the sound and a bird inside of a house is petrifying but imagine just somebody walking and just putting their groceries away and just has no idea that it's not their house god that's fucking scary that's a nightmare yeah i fuck i'm on set i walk into the wrong trailer sometimes i'm like what's happening right yeah yeah yeah stuff is that yeah yeah that's petrifying

01:05:45Marc:All right, so you get all these, and then you start acting because you pop up in a lot of stuff?

01:05:50Guest:Yeah, I did a sitcom called Married to the Kellys.

01:05:52Guest:It was an ABC sitcom.

01:05:54Guest:That's how I got my 2003 Forerunner, and that was making a lot of money for nothing funny.

01:06:03Guest:How many seasons?

01:06:05One.

01:06:05Guest:But it was great.

01:06:06Guest:And I'm really glad that it failed because I was 22 and it made me realize this is going to be real fucking hard.

01:06:15Guest:This is going to be really hard.

01:06:16Guest:Right.

01:06:16Guest:And I'm glad that it happened two or three years in.

01:06:20Guest:Yeah.

01:06:21Guest:Yeah.

01:06:21Guest:Because then when it was over...

01:06:23Guest:I like when that was airing it was on TGIF on ABC like friends from high schools hot chicks like from high school are calling you and leave a message it was so funny and then it's over and nothing yeah and that's when I started drinking that's when you realize like that there's no like this like even when you you hit it it can go right go just go away yeah no guarantees and you might not get another one no ever

01:06:52Guest:Yeah, so that's when you started drinking?

01:06:54Guest:Well, yeah, that's when I started thinking about, wait, this is going to be a tough life.

01:07:01Guest:This is going to be tough.

01:07:02Marc:Okay, so it's going to be a tough life.

01:07:03Marc:I'm going to make it more difficult.

01:07:05Marc:Well, that's true.

01:07:06Marc:Yeah.

01:07:06Marc:That's true.

01:07:07Marc:But it turned out to be your salvation.

01:07:10Marc:Your salvation.

01:07:10Guest:It's sad that drinking saved my life.

01:07:13Guest:How much are you drinking?

01:07:15Guest:No, I don't.

01:07:16Guest:I'm not like that.

01:07:16Guest:Are you hungover now?

01:07:17Guest:I don't know.

01:07:18Guest:I don't drink during the day.

01:07:19Guest:I've never craved alcohol during the day.

01:07:21Marc:That's the best you got?

01:07:23Guest:Well, how often do you drink?

01:07:25Guest:I'll wait till the sun goes down and the night moves.

01:07:28Marc:Yeah, there you go.

01:07:29Marc:Night moves.

01:07:31Guest:Yeah, no, yeah.

01:07:32Guest:It took, yeah, I was, I wouldn't say like I got, I've never been a heavy, heavy drinker.

01:07:40Marc:That song.

01:07:41Marc:The Chuck Berry song, that was the one from, it was in Pulp Fiction.

01:07:46Marc:C'est la vie?

01:07:47Marc:Is it called C'est la vie?

01:07:48Marc:I'm gonna guess.

01:07:50Marc:Isn't that the one that they would dance to?

01:07:51Marc:That Uma Thurman?

01:07:53Guest:Yeah, but that's the actual Chuck Berry one.

01:07:55Marc:Right, right.

01:07:56Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:57Guest:And Seeger covered that.

01:07:59Guest:I didn't know Seeger covered it.

01:08:00Guest:Yeah, last song on greatest hits.

01:08:03Marc:So what is the inception of Drunk History?

01:08:05Marc:What is the mythology?

01:08:07Marc:How does it unfold?

01:08:10Marc:It started as a video bit, right?

01:08:12Guest:Yeah, it started as just... This could be funny.

01:08:15Marc:Was the first one with Jen Kirkman?

01:08:17Guest:First one was with Michael Cera and the guy narrating Mark Gagliardi.

01:08:23Guest:That was the first one.

01:08:24Guest:And then...

01:08:26Guest:Yeah, Jen was the third one.

01:08:28Guest:Right.

01:08:28Guest:But yeah.

01:08:29Guest:And it was just like, oh, this could be funny.

01:08:31Guest:And I think there was something when I moved out here.

01:08:36Guest:I really don't like when people love to tell you how smart they are.

01:08:40Guest:And I remember being, this relates, I remember being at a party and they're like, do you want to play celebrity?

01:08:47Guest:And I'm like, God damn, this is the beginning of this fucking life out here.

01:08:50Guest:Yeah.

01:08:50Guest:Playing party games and running charade shit.

01:08:53Guest:Yeah.

01:08:54Guest:I hate it.

01:08:55Guest:Yeah.

01:08:55Guest:So they put in these names of the hats, and you're expecting like...

01:09:02Guest:you know, Tom Cruise, Tom Selleck, you know, actual famous people.

01:09:06Guest:They started just, all these people I was hanging out with, like, put in, like, Spencer Quinson.

01:09:11Guest:He invented the yo-yo, or just shit that I was like, fuck you.

01:09:14Guest:I don't like when people just... And I also didn't go to college, and I was in a lot of slow classes, mostly slow classes growing up, so I think I have, like, a...

01:09:24Guest:Chip on your shoulder?

01:09:25Guest:Yeah.

01:09:25Guest:I don't like smart people.

01:09:27Guest:Yeah.

01:09:27Guest:Or... I like people that are smart.

01:09:29Guest:I don't like people that tell me they're smart.

01:09:31Guest:Right.

01:09:32Guest:And I remember thinking, like, oh, you know what would be really funny is someone that thinks they're so smart just getting fucked up.

01:09:38Guest:Yeah.

01:09:38Guest:And, like, let me find their, like, mistakes.

01:09:40Guest:Yeah, let's find out how smart they really are.

01:09:42Guest:Let me humanize you.

01:09:43Guest:Yeah.

01:09:44Guest:Yeah.

01:09:45Guest:Which sounds like a goddamn poison.

01:09:47Guest:But...

01:09:47Guest:I don't know.

01:09:48Guest:I just thought, oh, that could be funny once.

01:09:50Guest:I never thought it would be anything except for that.

01:09:53Marc:But then it became... I can't remember the first few, but was the device as clear?

01:09:58Marc:Were you doing it exactly like the produced one where you had costumes and there were...

01:10:04Marc:You were going back in time.

01:10:05Guest:Yeah, I think the beginning ones were more what I strive for.

01:10:11Guest:And it's hard when you get a TV show.

01:10:14Guest:You have a budget.

01:10:15Guest:But I really like it feeling like a student film trying to do reenactments.

01:10:23Guest:Waiting for Guffman.

01:10:24Guest:Just really bad actors just trying their hardest to take it seriously.

01:10:29Guest:But that evolved into something bigger.

01:10:31Guest:Yeah.

01:10:32Marc:But it's good.

01:10:33Guest:I'm very lucky.

01:10:35Guest:Yeah, it's about to be the fifth season.

01:10:39Guest:And you've done like 50 of them?

01:10:42Guest:Stories, we've done 177.

01:10:44Guest:Yeah, so it's, yeah.

01:10:47Guest:Wait, they're two a show sometimes?

01:10:49Marc:Three, yeah, three a show, yeah.

01:10:51Marc:And you got some nominations for best costume and weird shit.

01:10:55Guest:Yeah, we won for costumes and then we- For an Emmy?

01:10:58Guest:I won an Emmy for costumes.

01:11:00Guest:I didn't.

01:11:00Guest:I don't do costumes anymore.

01:11:02Guest:But I've taken my mom to the Emmys and lost both times.

01:11:07Guest:What's your mom do?

01:11:08Guest:She's a retired preschool teacher.

01:11:10Marc:Oh, that's noble.

01:11:11Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:11:12Guest:She's a great lady.

01:11:13Marc:But yeah.

01:11:14Marc:But she probably still had a good time.

01:11:16Marc:Oh, she loved it.

01:11:17Marc:And given your relationship with your folks, you're probably happy she was there when you lost.

01:11:21Marc:Yeah.

01:11:21Marc:Guess what, Derek?

01:11:22Guest:The Property Brothers want to be on your program.

01:11:25Guest:Who the fuck are the Property Brothers?

01:11:27Guest:Hey, man, we met your mom.

01:11:28Guest:We would love to be on your show.

01:11:31Guest:I guess there are these reality... I know who they are.

01:11:33Guest:Do you have them on?

01:11:34Guest:No.

01:11:35Guest:I don't know.

01:11:36Marc:Guys have got the property brothers.

01:11:37Marc:I don't know.

01:11:38Marc:They're pretty big.

01:11:39Marc:Are they?

01:11:39Marc:Yeah, they flip houses.

01:11:41Marc:Okay.

01:11:41Marc:Or they do that kind of thing.

01:11:42Marc:Yeah, they flip houses.

01:11:44Guest:They should do that.

01:11:45Guest:They do do that.

01:11:45Marc:I know, but why do I need to put them on the show?

01:11:48Marc:Well, I mean, you'll run out of people eventually.

01:11:50Marc:I can't do your show because I don't drink.

01:11:52Marc:But you should be in the reenactment.

01:11:54Marc:Oh, yeah, okay.

01:11:55Marc:Yeah.

01:11:55Marc:Yeah, that'd be good.

01:11:57Guest:Yeah.

01:11:57Marc:Did you ask me?

01:11:58Guest:I have, yes.

01:12:00Marc:I remember you did it.

01:12:01Guest:You were going to be on one.

01:12:02Marc:Right, but I thought I had a drink, but you wanted me to do the reenactment.

01:12:05Marc:Never drink.

01:12:05Guest:No, no.

01:12:06Guest:I want you to know, too, how sensitive I am to all that stuff.

01:12:10Guest:I never allow someone to be on the show.

01:12:13Guest:Want to relapse?

01:12:14Yeah.

01:12:14Guest:Or that I can tell has a problem.

01:12:17Guest:Right.

01:12:17Guest:And I've seen it where people just, you know, I have therapy in my contract for a reason, like watching.

01:12:25Guest:It's awful.

01:12:26Guest:It's a great, if you're like.

01:12:28Marc:You have therapy in your contract?

01:12:29Marc:Yeah.

01:12:29Marc:What do you mean?

01:12:30Guest:Like you have.

01:12:31Guest:That they have to cover my mental health of like.

01:12:33Marc:Don't you get that anyway with the Writers Guild?

01:12:36Guest:Yeah.

01:12:36Marc:Okay.

01:12:37Marc:Yeah.

01:12:37Marc:It's nice to have it in the contract.

01:12:38Guest:Yeah.

01:12:38Guest:I don't have to pay.

01:12:39Marc:Right.

01:12:40Guest:Anyway, getting yelled at by your friends because of this poison that's inside of them fucks your head up.

01:12:47Guest:Really?

01:12:47Guest:Get out of my house.

01:12:48Guest:fuck you you don't love me like that happens trying to exploit me oh yeah really yeah and that's why i drink with them at the top so they feel like we're doing this together yeah you're not like right monkey in ruin i'm not trying to make this circus like um but yeah it becomes like a cops episode at the end if it's not taken care of really right how many times does that happen

01:13:12Guest:I don't know.

01:13:14Guest:Not as much now.

01:13:15Guest:Now that I've kind of, I can see when the switch happens.

01:13:19Guest:Yeah.

01:13:19Guest:The switch of like, when a character changes, that's when I'm like, no, we're not doing this.

01:13:24Guest:But when they mess up a word or they tell me something they just told me like 20 minutes ago, I know they're drunk.

01:13:31Guest:But if they do that look at you, I'm like, oh, fuck that.

01:13:35Guest:No.

01:13:36Guest:And I think I'm also good at my, neither one of my parents drink.

01:13:39Guest:Never have, never did.

01:13:41Guest:Have you lost friends over this?

01:13:42Guest:Uh, yeah, for sure.

01:13:44Guest:For sure.

01:13:45Guest:I've lost friends.

01:13:46Guest:Well, I would say like, or you've known people that don't like you anymore.

01:13:50Guest:Oh no, no, no.

01:13:51Guest:That's the best part is it's more that I don't like them anymore, but they, no matter who it is, it's just the proof of the poison.

01:14:00Guest:Every single human being that's ever done the show calls me the next day to apologize.

01:14:05Guest:Really?

01:14:05Guest:That's what alcohol does.

01:14:06Guest:Yeah.

01:14:08Guest:Or if they don't call me, it's an email.

01:14:09Guest:Like, I'm so sorry we didn't get it.

01:14:12Guest:I would be happy to redo it.

01:14:14Guest:Is there some that you couldn't use?

01:14:16Guest:No, they don't think they did a good job.

01:14:17Guest:Oh, right.

01:14:18Guest:That's what alcohol does.

01:14:19Guest:It makes you feel like shit.

01:14:20Guest:It makes you feel bad about it.

01:14:21Guest:Embarrassed.

01:14:22Guest:No, you did it.

01:14:22Guest:So I always start the night going like, no matter what, by the end of the night, you'll never believe that we have the story.

01:14:28Guest:But I promise you, I will not leave here until we have the story.

01:14:32Marc:Has anyone asked you not to run them?

01:14:34Guest:I've been really lucky with that.

01:14:36Guest:And also the trust that I get that no one's like, Hey, do you mind if I like see that?

01:14:41Guest:Yeah.

01:14:42Guest:Cause you know, some people say some feisty things when they're drunk.

01:14:46Guest:Yeah.

01:14:47Guest:You could do a lot of damage with, but why would I do that?

01:14:50Marc:Right.

01:14:51Marc:How much throwing up has there been?

01:14:53Marc:Oh,

01:14:53Guest:I hate throwing out Mark no I know not you no just I I don't want to show it I don't I remember I watched one yeah it went in the beginning and it was like like where if someone you had to let them go get sick and yeah I think I was just trying yeah

01:15:08Guest:I remember someone's like, when I pitch it, they're like, it's a little too much like jackass.

01:15:13Guest:I was like, what?

01:15:14Guest:Yeah.

01:15:14Guest:Because they're puking?

01:15:15Guest:Yeah.

01:15:15Guest:But anyway, I don't find puke funny.

01:15:17Guest:I do find it funny if someone wants to tell you a story and they're excited about it and then they puke and then they still want to tell you the story because...

01:15:25Guest:I'm not talking to anyone after I puke.

01:15:27Guest:I love that.

01:15:28Guest:And that's happened a lot?

01:15:31Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:15:32Guest:I still got to tell you the story.

01:15:33Guest:I know.

01:15:34Guest:Just clean up, man.

01:15:35Guest:Just clean that shit off your mouth.

01:15:38Guest:But, yeah.

01:15:39Guest:The throw-up, yeah.

01:15:40Guest:I'm not into that.

01:15:42Guest:And now I have this...

01:15:43Guest:stuff that you take before you drink and it's just like um um it hydrates you it was made for athletes to stay hydrated throughout the game you take that and then this charcoal pill and um i've never had a hangover you've never had a hangover do you make the other people do that uh-huh oh yeah yeah and we have a medic there

01:16:04Guest:to do the like the blowing the um oh when they have to leave you mean yeah yeah to start it and finish it and that's a real eye opener really well yeah there's certain numbers that you're like oh once they're there we can't we can't film them anymore and then people you have no idea are like not acting drunk and then they blow and you're like oh my god yeah

01:16:29Guest:Some people can hold their alcohol.

01:16:31Guest:And those are the people that, unfortunately, I can't have on the show that much because it's going to take forever.

01:16:38Guest:I'm sorry, but I'm not going to.

01:16:39Marc:It might kill them.

01:16:40Guest:Yeah.

01:16:41Guest:It's going to kill them, and some people hold their alcohol really well.

01:16:44Marc:So this season's all in the can, right?

01:16:47Marc:All done.

01:16:47Guest:Yeah, all finished.

01:16:48Guest:Yeah, this was the most we've ever done.

01:16:50Guest:It took 63 weeks to make.

01:16:52Guest:It was 42 stories.

01:16:56Guest:Yeah.

01:16:56Guest:I love it, but man, I'm tired.

01:16:58Guest:Yeah?

01:16:58Guest:I'm tired.

01:16:59Guest:I just got back from a trip.

01:17:00Guest:I took a trip.

01:17:01Guest:I drove to the Grand Canyon.

01:17:03Guest:I'd never been there.

01:17:03Guest:Oh, that's great.

01:17:04Guest:I went to Sedona.

01:17:04Guest:Have you ever been there?

01:17:05Guest:Sure.

01:17:06Guest:I loved it.

01:17:06Marc:Yeah, it's not disappointing.

01:17:07Marc:Those national, those Seven Wonders of the World or whatever they are, they deliver.

01:17:14Marc:Yeah, I know.

01:17:15Marc:Grand Canyon delivers.

01:17:16Guest:I was a dick and still am, but I was a dick about it where I was always like, oh, I can get, I understand what a picture looks like.

01:17:24Guest:I understand what the Grand, it's probably big.

01:17:26Guest:You can't even imagine it.

01:17:28Guest:Stunning.

01:17:28Guest:I went by myself.

01:17:29Marc:Did you go out on that Indian ramp?

01:17:31Guest:No.

01:17:32Guest:I think that's the north.

01:17:33Marc:Yeah.

01:17:33Guest:So I was just on the south.

01:17:35Marc:The north one's a quieter one.

01:17:36Marc:Yeah.

01:17:37Marc:I want to do that next.

01:17:38Guest:Yeah.

01:17:39Guest:But you did it.

01:17:39Marc:You did the walk.

01:17:40Marc:Yeah.

01:17:41Marc:It's great.

01:17:42Guest:It is crazy.

01:17:43Marc:It's beautiful.

01:17:43Guest:What that stuff can do to the human body.

01:17:48Marc:Yeah, you got to go see it before Trump starts drilling everywhere.

01:17:50Guest:Takes all of our national farce.

01:17:53Guest:Yeah.

01:17:53Marc:Anyway, sorry.

01:17:54Marc:It was good talking to you.

01:17:56Guest:Thank you, Mark.

01:17:56Marc:I think we covered it.

01:17:58Marc:Who's on this season?

01:18:00Guest:Mark Maron.

01:18:00Marc:No.

01:18:01Guest:Next season?

01:18:02Marc:Yeah.

01:18:02Marc:But who's on this one?

01:18:03Marc:Who do we look forward to?

01:18:04Guest:Tiffany Haddish is a narrator.

01:18:08Guest:Evan Rachel Wood is in there.

01:18:11Guest:Padgett Brewster.

01:18:12Guest:She's always great.

01:18:14Marc:I gotta get Tiffany in here, I think.

01:18:16Marc:Yeah, you do.

01:18:17Marc:Have you ever met her?

01:18:18Marc:No.

01:18:19Guest:She's awesome.

01:18:20Marc:I don't think I have met her.

01:18:21Marc:I watched her stand-up special.

01:18:23Guest:Yeah, she's a really, really nice person.

01:18:27Guest:On fire.

01:18:28Guest:Thank you, Mark.

01:18:29Guest:Was that okay?

01:18:31Guest:Have I forgotten anything?

01:18:34Marc:No.

01:18:34Marc:No roots?

01:18:35Marc:No, we covered the roots.

01:18:36Marc:We covered Bob Seger.

01:18:37Marc:We didn't cover the roots of the band.

01:18:39Guest:But just these Baltimore roots.

01:18:41Marc:Yeah, there's a lot of questions unanswered.

01:18:44Marc:One real quick thing.

01:18:45Guest:About your great-grandfather.

01:18:46Guest:I'm like, yeah, who knows who that guy is.

01:18:48Guest:I went to the same high school as Divine, I forgot to tell you that.

01:18:51Marc:As Divine?

01:18:52Guest:And Michael Phelps.

01:18:54Marc:Oh, wow.

01:18:54Guest:Yeah, I left that.

01:18:55Marc:That's the full spectrum.

01:18:56Guest:Yeah.

01:18:57Guest:Do you know John Waters?

01:18:58Guest:I met John Waters once, and I told him, because this is a true story, that my mom, when she was a kid, somebody broke into her house and wrote, John Waters was here.

01:19:07Guest:We grew up in the same neighborhood.

01:19:10Guest:And...

01:19:11Guest:I told him that, and he was like, I used to break into houses when I was a kid, but I was never that stupid to leave my name.

01:19:18Guest:Please tell your mother I did not break into her house.

01:19:20Guest:He is the best.

01:19:21Guest:This was the first year of five that I had to miss John Waters' Christmas, where he, two hours, on stage, talks about Christmas.

01:19:30Guest:Yeah.

01:19:31Guest:How many people, does that sound exciting to watch?

01:19:35Guest:Yeah.

01:19:36Guest:Tell me if I'm wrong, but any human being that you can just watch and goes, they love what they do.

01:19:41Guest:They love who they are, and they're not arrogant.

01:19:43Guest:They just love who they are.

01:19:45Guest:I don't know.

01:19:46Guest:He's the best.

01:19:47Marc:He's great.

01:19:49Marc:Barry Levinson is also Baltimore.

01:19:51Guest:Yeah, two totally different sides of the tracks.

01:19:54Marc:And also David Simon.

01:19:57Marc:That's true.

01:19:58Guest:He was on Drunk History.

01:19:59Guest:I want him to narrate.

01:20:01Guest:Oh, yeah?

01:20:01Guest:Yeah.

01:20:02Guest:Did he drink?

01:20:02Guest:He drank, yeah.

01:20:04Guest:And I was like, you know, we're just like, this is just like an in-between sketch where we're just like hanging out.

01:20:09Guest:He's like, no, I want to get drunk.

01:20:10Guest:So we drank Don Julio and ate Maryland crabs.

01:20:14Guest:It was great.

01:20:15Guest:Yeah.

01:20:16Marc:All right, buddy.

01:20:16Marc:Thank you, Mark.

01:20:17Guest:I really appreciate it.

01:20:18Guest:Congratulations on the success.

01:20:19Marc:Thank you, my friend.

01:20:24Thank you.

01:20:26Marc:Okay, that's it.

01:20:28Marc:You can go to wtfpod.com slash tour, I believe, to find out my dates.

01:20:35Marc:In April, I'm going to London, Dublin, Amsterdam, Stockholm, Oslo.

01:20:42Marc:But the dates are there.

01:20:44Marc:I should probably know.

01:20:45Marc:I should probably know the exact dates.

01:20:47Marc:Right?

01:20:47Marc:Just go.

01:20:48Marc:WTFPod.com tour.

01:20:49Marc:It's the few parts of the world tour.

01:20:53Marc:Primarily a vacation.

01:20:55Marc:A working vacation, as they say.

01:20:59Marc:I'll play some guitar.

01:21:01Marc:I think I'm going to play a lick I've probably played before.

01:21:04Marc:Like all of them.

01:21:12... ...

01:21:21Marc:Boomer Lives!