Episode 877 - Marc's Family
Marc:All right, let's do this.
Marc:Happy New Year, what the fuckers, what the fuck buddies, what the fuckineers, what the fuck nicks, what the fuckettes.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:Happy New Year.
Marc:Did you make it?
Marc:Are you okay?
Marc:God, I hope you're all right.
Marc:Is everyone all right?
Marc:We're in it.
Marc:It's the beginning.
Marc:We begin again.
Marc:with tempered hope and and forward thinking uh look we're we're here we're still here right i mean i recorded this a few days ago if you're hearing this something worked out it wasn't the end of time so uh so happy new year i'm mark maron of course today's show uh i'm just gonna get to it i hope you're all right and uh and let's let's um
Marc:let's try to fucking have some hope and optimism can we do it can we do it and fight the good fight all at the same time i think we can i believe it i believe in us so what this is today is basically a collection of phone calls that i had with my parents and my brother mostly from the first couple years of wtf um
Marc:All those relationships are okay.
Marc:And this is sort of a look back.
Marc:We did this on Christmas as well.
Marc:This is really the first year we've done this because the shows are actually falling on the holidays.
Marc:But this was a nice way to kind of look back on sort of some of the other stuff that I've done and how I've grown and whatnot.
Marc:uh so this this first call is a call with my father from episode five five in 2009 that was when we were still in the the hijack studio in the old uh in the old air america building in new york wow all right this is me and my old man
Marc:All right, so we're going to call my dad because I talked to him the other day, and he seems to have a lot of ideas about what I should be doing with my life.
Marc:And I think we've got to call a cell.
Marc:He's probably at work.
Marc:Hey, Dad, it's Mark.
Marc:What are you doing?
Guest:Yeah, somebody had cut the finger open and the knuckle on the shower door and then never got it treated, so I had to take it apart and redo it here in the office.
Guest:Two days ago, it looks perfect.
Marc:You took apart a finger?
Guest:I took apart the opening that she had cut into the tendon and the skin into the joint, and I reconstructed the joint, and I didn't expect it to really heal, but it healed it, healing nicely.
Marc:Are you allowed to just do that?
Guest:Yeah, I can do that.
Guest:You're allowed to do that.
Guest:We do minor surgery here.
Marc:Oh, all right.
Marc:You're just doing it right out there at the storefront, right?
Marc:The strip mall?
Guest:Yep.
Guest:Yeah, we do.
Marc:That's terrific.
Marc:You're like a doctor in the Wild West.
Guest:I'm a doctor.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:Doc Frail.
Guest:I mean, who's Doc Frail?
Guest:Do you remember that name?
Marc:I have no idea what you're talking about.
Guest:Yeah, Doc, who was the one, the hanging tree?
Guest:Remember, they found that...
Guest:That glory hole, and then they wanted to hang the guy as a demon.
Marc:A glory hole?
Marc:Is this a gay story?
Guest:No, no.
Guest:It was a glory hole, meaning it was full of nuggets, gold nuggets.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:I think it was Doc Frail.
Guest:His wife had died in a fire that he had started.
Guest:The other famous doctor, who was that famous doctor who was with that, oh, one of the law enforcement guys, the old-time West...
Marc:Doc Holliday?
Guest:Yeah, Doc Holliday.
Marc:I don't think he was a real doctor, though.
Guest:That I don't know.
Guest:Yeah, you're right.
Guest:Could possibly be.
Marc:So if you were Doc Holliday, you'd probably be drunk and shooting your patient.
Guest:That's right.
Marc:What's up?
Marc:Well, I don't know.
Marc:I just want to talk about these job ideas you had for me because I found them to be compelling.
Marc:Because I am in between things right now, and you had suggested... I'm not sure I quite understood the one with the TVs.
Guest:Refresh my memory.
Marc:What did I say?
Marc:It's something to do with McDonald's and Wendy's.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Guest:Yes, yes, yes.
Guest:Well, it goes back to me.
Guest:What I was going to do was have a wellness thing
Guest:at a Wendy's or any fast food store.
Guest:You know, it's an international business.
Guest:I was going to say, fine.
Guest:I wanted a contract to put a new disc in there every month, let's say, on a factor of wellness.
Marc:Wait, wait, wait.
Marc:We skipped a beat here.
Marc:So a disc into what?
Guest:I wanted to create a, make a disc, give a lecture, make a lecture on a CD.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That would be then sent to all McDonald's.
Guest:And then people would have the option to sit at a table,
Guest:And pick a topic.
Guest:Pick a topic on what they wanted to listen to as far as health education went.
Marc:Okay, this would be at every table?
Guest:No, we have a select section of them just to see how it works.
Guest:If it works well, then it might be a very lucrative thing for them because people might want to sit there and eat more hamburgers and hot dogs and crappy French fries, you know, and then they would be making money.
Guest:It would be lucrative.
Marc:But you'd be actually showing them videos on reasons why they shouldn't eat that shit.
Guest:Exactly.
Marc:I'm sure they'd welcome that business opportunity.
Guest:I've had that argument before.
Guest:Right.
Yeah.
Guest:So then when I was talking to you, I just extrapolated that idea and say, well, you've got all this talent.
Guest:You're a fantastic comedian.
Guest:You've got great timing.
Guest:Well, why not start putting out a series of discs where they can sit down and have their food, any restaurant you want, let's say McDonald's, have their food and sit down at this little screen, individual screen, like an individual little jukebox.
Guest:In the old days when you had a jukebox to play, it's sitting at the counter.
Guest:And they could play.
Guest:Anything they wanted, you know, from wellness, let's say, to comedic entertainment to whatever they want, to sporting events, you know, pick a sporting event and just have a menu.
Guest:Here's your menu and come on in and eat.
Guest:and pick your entertainment while you're sitting there.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I thought it would be simple and would work.
Guest:It doesn't take much investment on the part of you, me, or anyone else doing it.
Guest:It only takes investment on the part of the store to set up a little CD set up with a screen so that people can eat and watch a screen.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But this is something we'd have to probably go to McDonald's headquarters or Wendy's or...
Guest:Exactly, but imagine if they took it.
Guest:That's an international business, man, and all you're doing is putting out one disc a month and sending it around the world.
Guest:I don't think you can beat that kind of passive income.
Marc:No, I think you're right.
Marc:So let's do it.
Marc:Why don't you make the calls?
Guest:I had it all set up.
Guest:I had the speech and everything.
Guest:I was going to go to headquarters at McDonald's, Wendy's, and whatever.
Marc:Oh, yeah?
Guest:Calls Juniors or something.
Guest:I was going to try to do that.
Guest:But I haven't done it yet.
Guest:I haven't had the time.
Marc:Oh, all right.
Guest:I think it could be a winner.
Marc:Yeah, no, I think so, too.
Marc:All right, so maybe when I come out there, we'll take a trip.
Marc:We'll go to McDonald's and Wendy's and Carl's Jr.'s.
Marc:You don't want to just start at the store, though.
Marc:That'd be awkward.
Marc:You want to go to the headquarters.
Guest:Yeah, I don't think going to the store would help unless I wanted to walk up and down in front with a stretcher and a scapula in my hand and a white coat on.
Guest:I don't know what kind of advertising I could generate like that.
Guest:If I got corporate on my side, then it's a done deal.
Marc:Right, right, of course.
Marc:All right, so we'll just hammer this out.
Marc:We'll just take our time, and we'll hammer it out, and then me and you are going to be rich, and we'll just have a machine make the discs, and a guy shoot them, and we'll put them in a warehouse, and we'll have all these TV sets at all the McDonald's, Wendy's, and Carl's Jr.'s.
Guest:I've thought about this many times.
Guest:I think, simple as it sounds,
Guest:Those kind of things often work without a lot of big investment.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, I'll put some thought into it, and I appreciate it.
Marc:Maybe you should give a little more time to your patient there.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Take care.
Guest:Thanks for calling.
Marc:I love you.
Marc:Bye-bye.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:So I guess that's what I'm going to be doing.
Marc:My dad said it's pretty easy.
Marc:Basically, what we're going to do is we're going to sell McDonald's, Carl's Jr., and Wendy's.
Marc:I guess what you would call a system where they put a TV screen or two in a screening area of their restaurants around the world where we would supply them with discs on either wellness or comedy.
Yeah.
Marc:And people would, I guess, pay or maybe not pay.
Marc:And apparently all these places would be very grateful to have this at their business.
Marc:And there was some talk that we'd have to start at corporate or else my dad would have to walk in front of the place wearing a white coat with a scalpel, which I don't know.
Marc:It was an advertising idea that would seem to be fleeting.
Marc:But...
Marc:But according to him, this is a no-brainer.
Marc:So when he's got time, I think it was really the main reason it seems that he didn't embark on this was the time issue.
Marc:So when he's got time, I guess we'll get started on that.
Guest:Hello?
Marc:Hi, Mom.
Marc:Hi, John.
Guest:Who is this?
Marc:It's Mark.
Guest:Hi, Mark.
Marc:What's happening?
Guest:What number is this?
Marc:I'm at the office.
Guest:Anyway, happy New Year to you.
Marc:Oh, happy Jewish New Year to you, too.
Guest:Here's your mom.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Hi.
Marc:That was a good conversation we just had, me and John, just now.
Guest:Who are you talking to?
Marc:I'm talking to you.
Marc:What's going on?
Marc:I'm returning your call.
Guest:Well, I have not listened to your latest podcast, both of them.
Marc:You haven't listened to my latest podcast?
Marc:Why?
Marc:Because... Now, let me just understand something.
Guest:You posted on my Facebook... That I don't have the iPhone anymore.
Marc:That you failed at the iPhone.
Guest:iPhone failed.
Marc:What does that mean?
Guest:I just didn't have the patience to text anybody or to use all the good stuff other than listening to you.
Guest:I would never use any of it.
Marc:But that was the only problem?
Marc:You could figure out how to work it and stuff?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:That was the main problem.
Guest:Well, what for?
Guest:If I'm not going to use it to text message, right?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And I'm certainly not going to sit in my car and watch the YouTube on it.
Marc:Why not?
Guest:I just don't do that.
Guest:I mean, I could come home and listen to you.
Guest:I just haven't been home to sit and listen.
Guest:This weekend, I'm definitely going to listen to four and five.
Marc:Yeah, they seem to be getting a pretty good response.
Guest:I see that.
Guest:Well, I'm into your Facebook three times a day.
Marc:Yeah, some people are very entertained by your posting.
Marc:And don't let me discourage you from using all caps.
Marc:That was very charming.
Guest:You noticed.
Marc:I did notice.
Marc:But I mean, it's funnier when you do all caps.
Guest:It's much easier when I do all caps.
Marc:Oh, is that why you do it?
Guest:Well, of course.
Marc:Oh, all right.
Guest:You know that?
Marc:I know.
Guest:What are you doing in the office?
Marc:We're recording a show.
Guest:Okay.
Okay.
Marc:Do you mind if we feature you on it?
Guest:I knew there was a reason for this call.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I didn't hear what your father said.
Marc:My father?
Guest:Yeah, I read something about your father.
Marc:Oh, he just told me that I needed to start a business where I sell McDonald's and Wendy's TVs that they can put on their table so he can do a wellness presentation and they can watch my comedy as well.
Guest:Oh.
Marc:That's a good idea, right?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Watch McDonald's and Wendy's TVs.
Marc:Right, exactly.
Marc:It's his big idea.
Marc:He thinks it's easy to have that, just to have Marin TV in a separate... Was he serious?
Marc:Of course he was serious.
Marc:I mean, this is one of his ideas.
Marc:This was the big idea.
Marc:I mean, does it sound like it's unusual to you?
Guest:I don't know if I'm ready to go on the show until I listen to him.
Marc:Oh, no, we just wanted to talk about the iPod and you already talked about it.
Guest:Well, I told you, I just didn't have what it takes to do it totally.
Marc:So I shouldn't get one.
Guest:Do you text people?
Marc:Yes.
Guest:You do?
Marc:Compulsively.
Guest:No, you don't.
Marc:Yes, I text everybody.
Marc:It's so much easier than talking to them.
Guest:All right, so then you should have it.
Guest:And they said of all those Blackberries and all that stuff, the iPhone is really the simplest and the best.
Marc:All right, well, send me the one that you threw away.
Guest:I didn't throw it away.
Guest:I returned it.
Marc:What did you say to them at the Apple store?
Guest:No, it wasn't the Apple store.
Guest:It was AT&T.
Marc:What did you tell them?
Guest:I'm not equipped mentally for this.
Marc:Oh, so you played the... No, I just said I don't use it.
Guest:You know, I'm not busy.
Guest:I'm busy so much of business that I would use it.
Guest:And I'm so happy with the little cell phone.
Marc:They have a calorie counter program.
Guest:I don't need that.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Guest:I know all the calories by heart.
Marc:I know you do.
Guest:So anyway, are you doing good?
Marc:Yeah, I'm all right.
Marc:Everything's all right.
Marc:I'm going to go to L.A.
Marc:on Monday, and I'm going to go to Chicago and do that show, and then I'll probably move in with you.
Marc:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I love you, Mom.
Marc:Take care.
Marc:Where's your father?
Marc:He happens to be very busy.
Guest:Oh, good.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Maybe you could move in with him then.
Marc:I'd rather put a bullet in my head.
Guest:My door is always open, Mark.
Marc:Well, you're going to regret saying that because if things don't work out.
Guest:I'll never regret saying that.
Marc:Oh, thanks, Mom.
Marc:I love you.
Marc:I'll talk to you soon.
Marc:All right, babe.
Bye-bye.
Marc:So I get an email from Evan.
Marc:Hey, Mark, looks like Burger King's already on to your dad's idea.
Marc:New locations will feature LCD screens showing content.
Marc:Huh.
Marc:Well, I'm looking at the article.
Marc:Burger King gets edgy.
Marc:Futuristic makeover.
Marc:Edgy Burger King 2020 design tip of the day.
Marc:And here's a picture with the new Burger King with TV monitors.
Marc:And you know what?
Marc:We got to call my dad and tell him about this because it looks like they stole his idea.
Marc:Can we get him on the phone?
Guest:I'm Marin.
Marc:Are you Marin?
Marc:It's Mark Marin.
Marc:Is this Dr. Barry Marin?
Guest:How you doing, man?
Marc:I'm all right.
Marc:You?
Guest:I'm doing great.
Marc:What are you doing?
Guest:I'm sitting here in Victoria Clinic seeing patients as usual.
Marc:Oh, you have a patient in there right now?
Guest:Nope.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:This is a loose clinic.
Guest:It's just medical legal stuff.
Marc:What does that mean?
Guest:I was doing it once or twice a week, then I moved it up to... I do steal my patients here on Saturday, all those ones that need to be seen.
Marc:What does a loose clinic mean?
Guest:It means it's all bullshit.
Marc:It's all bullshit?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:A lawyer has a client who hurt this or that in a car accident, and they send them over here for...
Guest:for evaluation and treatment, and I'm the guy that defines whether it is a real deal or a no deal.
Marc:But you play straight, though, right?
Marc:You tell the truth.
Marc:Yes, I do.
Marc:All right, look, Dad, I was going over our last conversation about this idea with the video cameras in the fast food places.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Marc:And it looks like Burger King's already doing it.
Guest:Oh, really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Someone sent me an article, and there's a big picture, and it's like this whole revised Burger King with all these, you know, a new, hipper look.
Marc:And they have video screens, and bun-like seating is part of the appeal designed to attract the king's most loyal customers, it says, young men.
Marc:So they've got these little areas where they have video screens.
Marc:So I don't know, you know, what do we do about that?
Marc:Do you think they stole it?
Guest:I got no patent.
Guest:I didn't have any patents written up on it.
Guest:I think they did something.
Guest:Somebody came up with it, but they're not doing those.
Guest:What are they going to put on these screens?
Guest:Where is the nearest one?
Marc:Hold on, hold on.
Marc:I'll tell you.
Marc:They're going to put nutritional information in the comedy of Marc Maron.
Marc:It says right here in the article.
Marc:It's the weirdest coincidence.
Marc:I just can't imagine that this is coincidence.
Marc:Can you?
Guest:No, they stole it.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:You know, I think it's a great idea.
Guest:I think you could do it.
Guest:All it would take, you know, if it got arranged, all it would take is one CD for the whole world every month.
Marc:One CD for the whole world.
Guest:I mean, all the places that have this program would get a mailed-out CD to put in to their...
Guest:drives for customers to look at it.
Guest:So it'll be a new educational process every month, and you would sell it on the concept that it is going to all these places, and you would get a passive income of an annuity of a lot of money every month.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So do we work with this existing model at Burger King, or do you want to get into a legal battle with them?
Marc:I don't know how to handle it.
Guest:I think if you just set it up and just do it like we said to Howard Burger King, I don't think anybody's doing what I've suggested.
Guest:They wouldn't do it because they would be afraid to compete with their own inadequacies.
Marc:All right, so where does that leave our plan?
Marc:I mean, let's say we go to Wendy's and McDonald's and it's still the same idea.
Marc:Do we do maybe bus stops?
Marc:What do you think?
Guest:Yeah, that starts to be good.
Guest:That's great.
Guest:You can put it in waiting rooms at the airports.
Guest:You can put it in the bus terminals.
Guest:Bathrooms.
Marc:Men's rooms.
Guest:Yeah, that's right.
Guest:Have it so you can watch.
Guest:If you take a leak often enough, you can really get to see a lot of shit.
Marc:So people with prostate problems are going to be very well informed.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:But don't forget your dad had prostate cancer, so you want to make sure.
Marc:Are you my dad?
Marc:Do you talk about your person?
Marc:Did you just mention yourself in the third person like you were somebody else?
Guest:Yeah, but just remember that you're vulnerable for prostate cancer.
Marc:Oh, great.
Marc:Let me add that to the list.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Masturbation, does that help or hinder?
Marc:It's a plus.
Marc:Oh, thank God.
Marc:You know, if that's true, I don't think I'm going to get it.
Marc:I think I'm going to beat this thing.
Guest:That's a pun.
Guest:You're going to beat it.
Guest:You're going to beat it to prevent it.
Guest:That's great.
Marc:You should make a bumper sticker.
Marc:That's the new business.
Marc:I think that's a much more reasonable idea than the video places at fast food places running things that they won't want to run in their place.
Marc:What was it?
Marc:You got to beat it to... Beat it to beat it.
Marc:Beat it to beat it.
Marc:Okay, and then just put, like, you know, prostate cancer, and then we'll put your name, Dr. Marin, and then you get, okay.
Marc:Beat it to beat it.
Guest:Beat it to beat it.
Guest:Prostate cancer, beat it to beat it.
Guest:And you have somebody stroking it, you know, on the bumper sticker.
Guest:They go over big, especially in California.
Marc:Yeah, why especially in California?
Guest:If they get that status mentality, that'll work.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, I'll make note of that, especially in California.
Marc:So we'll focus that on that.
Marc:But clearly, you are the winner.
Marc:I mean, you're sitting in the loose clinic in Victoria doing legal examinations.
Marc:So they can't take anything away from you, Pop.
Marc:You're your own man.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:I testified yesterday.
Guest:I was tempted to ask the system.
Guest:I said,
Guest:How can you people, as educated barristers, using the extension of the original Old English philosophy of law, how can you sit there and chase ambulances and make a profit out of it when 99% of the people that you represent as a plaintiff attorney don't need you to begin with?
Guest:They only need you to make money, and their complaints cannot be proven to be valid.
Guest:What kind of heinous farce is that?
Guest:that allows this to happen.
Guest:How come the courts allow such a thing?
Guest:I was going to say that.
Guest:I was waiting for an opening to say that, but I never had it.
Marc:Yeah, you kept it to yourself?
Guest:Yeah, I kept it to myself.
Marc:Huh.
Marc:Well, that's good.
Marc:Heinous farce.
Marc:I like that.
Marc:I think that's going to be the name of my next CD.
Marc:So what, you got a patient there?
Marc:No, no, I'm all right.
Marc:All right.
Guest:Hold on.
Marc:Uh-oh.
Marc:He just said I have a good-looking son.
Marc:What did you say?
Guest:Beautiful girl here.
Marc:Oh, yeah?
Guest:Yeah, one of the nurses' daughters came in to see her.
Guest:Sharp.
Marc:That's good that you're not sexually inappropriate.
Marc:You just pawn her off on me.
Marc:I think that's pretty good.
Marc:That's restraint.
Guest:No, I can't.
Guest:I don't do that.
Guest:It's almost illegal to screw around patients.
Guest:You can't do that.
Marc:Almost illegal?
Marc:I think that that seems like a slippery slope there.
Marc:Almost illegal?
Guest:Yeah, people do it, but it's wrong.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Well, I'm proud of you.
Marc:I've never done that.
Marc:Good.
Marc:Oh, well, that's good.
Marc:That's good for you.
Marc:You get a gold star today.
Marc:And, you know, just keep the heinous farce thing to yourself.
Marc:Keep that between us.
Marc:All right, I love you.
Marc:I'll see you next weekend.
Guest:You're going to be around?
Guest:Yeah, let us know.
Guest:We'll go out for dinner again.
Guest:You like that restaurant?
Marc:Yeah, Mexican food's good.
Marc:Let's go gamble.
Marc:I want to start that addiction.
Guest:No, you don't want to do that.
Marc:Okay, you're right.
Marc:Scratch that.
Marc:Yeah, scratch that.
Marc:Okay, we'll do something else.
Guest:Did you record all this?
Marc:Yeah, it's all on tape, and we won't use anything that implicates you.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:I love you.
Marc:Bye.
Bye.
Guest:I'm Aaron.
Marc:Hey, it's Mark.
Guest:How you doing, man?
Marc:Good.
Marc:How you doing?
Marc:What are you doing?
Marc:You just sitting there sending me emails?
Guest:Yeah, just my email.
Guest:I had some ideas.
Guest:I just don't mention it.
Marc:All right, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Marc:Everything's cool.
Marc:What, are you sitting there with a patient now?
Guest:No.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, let's talk about this idea.
Marc:Let me see if I got the email here.
Marc:Notmanic, colon...
Marc:He'll give you the land, you know, I mean, he's
Guest:Right now, he's a very good guy.
Guest:He's a very good patient.
Guest:I don't know what his assets are, but he owns 8,000 acres.
Guest:He's got a couple of brothers.
Guest:And his life has been just riding bulls right up until yesterday.
Guest:But he had a seizure, grandma's seizure on Sunday, another one on Monday.
Guest:Drives all the way in from Rudo to see me because I'm the guy who's taking care of him.
Guest:I suggest to just, you know, I said, first of all, you've got all this land.
Guest:Why don't you use it?
Guest:Why don't you, like, fill my scout ranch?
Guest:give them how to see if they want an extended area to send Boy Scouts to.
Guest:You know what I mean, number one.
Guest:Number two, I said, Don Imus, yeah, he listens to Imus.
Guest:I said, he's got this thing going from not far from where I guess it's up over there near Santa Fe.
Guest:Yeah, I know where that is.
Guest:And I said, you know, maybe get in touch with Imus and see if he wants to extend his holdings and increase his share because he gives...
Guest:He gives a lot of, supposedly, a lot of access to kids to go up there and play cowboy and to rehabilitate their screwed-up lives in the cities, right?
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then I was thinking, you know, if he's got this land and you've got some connections, you've got a few people that you want to set up there near Ruido, so I don't know where it is near.
Guest:You know, you have to go out and look at it.
Guest:And you want to set up access there and put up a playhouse and whatever, a little bit of that.
Guest:and run a show place out of there and be a radio personality, which you would seem to like to do, you've got an option here to do it.
Marc:All right.
Marc:No, no.
Marc:I mean, I think it's an interesting idea that that, you know, I'm doing it out of my small garage behind my house.
Marc:But but somehow or another, that if I had a lot of land, that that would somehow make it better, easier for me to to do radio just because I miss is down the street.
Marc:I like the idea.
Marc:That somehow or another, in your mind, look, Imus has got property nearby.
Marc:So I figure if you get my son set up on a compound, that him, yeah, maybe he could just hijack some of Imus' signals.
Marc:Or maybe, who knows, Bob, maybe I could call Imus and say, hey, why don't I just run a wire from your place down to my house?
Marc:And we'll, you know, we'll just, I'll be on your, like, a secondary channel.
Marc:You know what?
Marc:Let's have the bull rider call Don Imus.
Marc:And then you get me and you conference me in.
Marc:And then you can be there, too, in case people aren't clear about it.
Marc:So let me get this idea.
Marc:We got the rodeo rider and we got Don Imus and you on the phone.
Marc:And you say, look, Don, my son wants to do radio.
Marc:And my friend who rides bulls, he's on the phone, too.
Marc:He's got somewhere not far from you.
Marc:So I figured there's got to be a way we can work this out.
Marc:You know what happened after that?
Marc:They would take you to the hospital.
Marc:They would take you to the hospital.
Marc:But I like the idea.
Marc:It's a good idea.
Guest:Yeah, you could pull something off.
Guest:I mean, at your point in life, you know, you're doing this, and I don't know what you're doing, but whatever you're doing, if you're happy, that's great.
Guest:But if you've got an opportunity to do something that seemed like a great idea, there's nobody else out there in Ruedoso, you know, broadcasting or having a playhouse, I mean,
Guest:You've got all these connections.
Guest:You've got all these talents.
Marc:All right, let me just ask you something practical.
Marc:All right, so let's examine the playhouse idea.
Marc:So now how do you see that exactly?
Marc:So he's got a lot of land out there.
Marc:Now there's dirt roads to the areas.
Marc:Like he's going to give me a – let's say he gives me five acres.
Marc:Is that near the highway?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I have no idea how it's set up.
Guest:I'm sure it would be – I'm sure he would give you anything you wanted because –
Guest:He would do that for me.
Guest:Okay, all right.
Marc:All right, so let's say we get it kind of near the highway, and then we have someone design a playhouse, all right?
Marc:And then, okay, so then I got the playhouse in Rio Doso.
Marc:It's near the highway, and we could maybe even put on the billboards, not far from Don Imus' ranch.
Marc:And I call a couple of my friends.
Marc:I say, you guys, you want to come do a comedy show?
Marc:And they go, where?
Marc:How much does it pay?
Marc:I'm like, well, no, it's just a playhouse.
Marc:It's in Rio Doso, New Mexico.
Marc:It's not far from Don Imus' place.
Marc:And
Marc:I figure we just, we'll see what we make, and we'll split it.
Marc:You'll come out.
Marc:My dad, this is my dad's idea.
Marc:It's great.
Marc:Well, I don't know.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:I got to call him and ask him where the fuck you fly into, because I don't know.
Marc:Wait, let's wait.
Marc:Where would they fly into?
Marc:Do they drive out?
Marc:Where do you fly into to go to Rio de Janeiro?
Marc:Albuquerque?
Guest:Albuquerque or, let me think.
Guest:I guess Lubbock.
Guest:You go to Lubbock, too.
Guest:Lubbock can work.
Marc:This is a good sell.
Marc:All right, so look, you can either fly into Albuquerque or Lubbock, Texas, and then you rent a car and you drive out.
Marc:How far of a drive is it from Albuquerque?
Guest:Two and a half, three hours.
Marc:Oh, not a problem.
Marc:So you come down to Mark Maron's Playhouse near Don Imus' place.
Marc:You drive three hours.
Marc:I'm sure we'll get a crowd.
Marc:We just got to put it in the Albuquerque paper and the Lubbock paper, and maybe we'll run a bus or something.
Marc:Dad, let's open a casino.
Marc:Does this guy know any Indians?
Guest:It's not far from the Miscalera Apache.
Marc:okay all right all right this is a this is a workable idea i'm glad you sent me these emails because yeah i was a little i i woke up with a little that feeling like i don't know what i'm gonna do with my life and i took my vitamins i opened up my emails i'm like thank god my dad has an idea that's not manic
Guest:I believe in using all resources that are handed to you.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:You're handed 8,000 agents with all your talents and smarts and contacts and experience.
Guest:Theoretically, you could set up a trailer there and just test it out.
Guest:All you need is a freaking microphone and a tower, right?
Marc:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest:You got a radio station, yeah.
Marc:Okay, all right.
Marc:Well, okay, I understand.
Marc:That's a little more practical than the Riodoso Playhouse, I think.
Guest:Yeah, but you might be able to get a great audience.
Guest:I mean, this, you know, the other guy that you don't like, you know, Bill Summers, who has this radio show on Saturday morning, 8 o'clock.
Marc:This is the guy that sells the memory revitalizer?
Guest:Correct.
Marc:Look, as much as I may not like him, I went to his office and bought six jars of memory revitalizer.
Marc:I had to say to the guy at the office, I go, come on, really?
Marc:I mean, what's in this?
Marc:And he had to tell me that it's all good stuff.
Guest:Yeah, that was Roy, the rotund Roy, who will miss anybody and lose some weight.
Guest:And meanwhile, Bill Summers, you know, had a heart study on this new thing I'm doing, which, you know, you find interesting.
Guest:It'll be set up by the time you get to New Mexico or whatever that is.
Guest:But we're doing central arterial pressures.
Guest:And if your blood pressure is high, you know, even though your breakthrough pressure is okay, your central pressure is high, then you're on dosing of arginine and citrulline as well as D3.
Guest:And over three months, you come down to normal.
Guest:There's big studies going out there now.
Guest:It's going to hit the main line, and we're going to be in on it.
Guest:I'm going to be lecturing on that.
Marc:You're going to lecture on that?
Marc:Yep.
Marc:I can have you down at my theater in Rio Doso if you want to.
Marc:If you think you can pull in some people.
Marc:We'll put a billboard up and everything.
Marc:Dr. Marin, don't miss it.
Marc:This weekend only.
Marc:Lecture on Arginine.
Marc:I think it's all coming together for us.
Marc:I think we've got a real future.
Marc:Call the guy who writes Bulls but can't do it anymore.
Marc:Tell him to build the theater and then tell him about the Vitamin radio comedy presentation.
Marc:This is going to be great.
Marc:We're actually going to be in business together.
Marc:I can't wait.
Guest:I think someplace in all this mishmash that we're talking about, I think theoretically it is obvious.
Guest:All it takes is somebody with a big pair of gonies to say, hey, come on in here with your deep pockets.
Guest:Let's set up a studio for three months, see what happens, and just get me to contact with a...
Guest:with a radio station that I can be a mainstream radio coming out of Ruidoso, New Mexico.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Yeah, I like the fact that I've, you know, several times now made it seem ridiculous in its conception, and you've laughed a lot at it, but we still come around to the idea that you're like, no, no, no, no, this is doable.
Marc:This is doable.
Marc:I appreciate the tenacity of your fantasy.
Guest:How did I just get started in the radio out there in the middle of nowhere?
Marc:Well, I'm working out of my garage here.
Marc:But, you know, we're doing okay with the podcast.
Marc:But I'll keep this in mind.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:I love you.
Marc:Bye.
Guest:Bye.
Marc:My memories of my father later in life are in.
Marc:He's still around.
Marc:Obviously, we're going to talk to him today.
Marc:I remember one time when he was living in Phoenix for a few months.
Marc:My brother lived in Phoenix.
Marc:We hadn't seen his new apartment.
Marc:My dad invited me and my brother over.
Marc:So we drove over to this apartment.
Marc:We walk in.
Marc:The door was wide open.
Marc:We walk in and we're like, hello.
Marc:And we hear my dad go, come upstairs.
Marc:So my brother and I walk upstairs not knowing what to expect because he is our dad.
Marc:And we walk into his bedroom and he's sitting on a bed and he's got about 10 or 15 guns sitting on the bed.
Marc:And he's just sitting there and he's like, how you guys doing?
Marc:And he starts laughing.
Marc:And me and my brother look at each other.
Marc:And again, you know, at some point you just got to go, ah, yeah, that's my dad.
Marc:He's sitting on a bed with a bunch of guns laughing.
Marc:Okie doke.
Marc:I don't know, man.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:And this Mother's Day letter, you know, it just every once in a while he'll surprise you.
Marc:He's a pretty charming, funny guy.
Marc:But then there's just moments where he sent out this Mother's Day card to my brother's wife, who my brother forwarded to me because we tend to forward each other our dad's insanity when it is documented.
Marc:So it's got I got to tell you, it's laid out like a card.
Marc:It's got a little owl on the upper left-hand side.
Marc:It's one of those, you know, the format.
Marc:I don't know what you do when you want to send an email that's fun and a little card.
Marc:So it's got a little owl on a branch and some wood grain, and it says, Happy Mother's Day and Grandmother's Day.
Marc:Checked out a few quotations.
Marc:Quote, I used to think it a pity that her mother, rather than she, had not thought of birth control.
Marc:Unquote.
Marc:Muriel Sparkk.
Marc:A daily life treating iatrogenic and street trading drug dependent hard heroin addicts and lackluster, unenthusiastic, sad specimens of society bring validity to that quote.
Marc:Human pollution is the drug world, legal and illegal.
Marc:Couple that with the industrial pollutants destroying our food chain, the GEO genetically engineered crops and creatures and improving our capitalism profit margin in italics.
Marc:Add the threat of Muslim domination of Europe and Bawala modern society takes on a beauty all its own.
Marc:I don't even know what Bawala means.
Marc:If you've forgotten, this is a Mother's Day card.
Marc:Quote, Thomas Alva Edison.
Marc:reassures me that my hobby practice of wellness and ideal immunity that's in quotations as if someone has accused him of only having a hobby pass through at least one genuine genius mind have a good and growing following in that area alone the stumbling block is poverty of the masses making ch o carbs the stable of all diets severely low vitamin d inadequate other vitamins few omega-3s especially during pregnancy lowers iq of baby eight to ten points
Marc:Due to impecunious existence and severe family ignorance, coupled with wrong social choices and denial that a radio, TV news and newspaper exist, even World Wide Web only news would be welcome.
Marc:Again, if you'd forgotten, this is a Mother's Day card.
Marc:Quote, thinking out of the box is a learned process that should be next to godliness in the priorities of what to teach your children.
Marc:The trick is to recognize when the box itself is faulty and deserving change.
Marc:Unquote.
Marc:Barry Marin, while watching and hearing a jury of 12 peers in Oklahoma make a decision in an Oklahoma medical malpractice case against a loser doctor.
Marc:Shades of the OJ jury nullification.
Marc:Now, if you're not paying attention, he just quoted himself.
Marc:Mother's Day card, if you forgot.
Marc:Enjoy the late great United States of America as it morphs into the socialist USA.
Marc:Words cannot help if all reasonable actions have failed.
Marc:The Uzi and Magnum are the must-have entities.
Marc:Own one, learn to use it, and carry it.
Marc:You and your children will, with reasonable probability, need them sooner than later.
Marc:Barry.
Marc:It's a Mother's Day card.
Marc:So my brother sent that to me so I could enjoy one of these brain skids of weirdness.
Marc:And all I could write back to my brother was, that's my dad.
Whew.
Marc:Yeah, you're going to have to accept your father at some point.
Marc:Might as well get it done sooner than later.
Guest:Hello.
Marc:Hey, Dad.
Guest:How you doing, man?
Marc:Good, what's up?
Guest:What are you, California?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Everything's good here.
Guest:Figured out, going out to get a little ribs, I think, over at Chili's.
Guest:They got some new sauce.
Marc:Good.
Marc:Craig forwarded me some Mother's Day greeting that you sent out.
Marc:That was kind of interesting.
Guest:Yeah, I thought it was.
Marc:I didn't know that you should mention Uzis and Magnums in a Mother's Day greeting.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:That was the way my head was running at the moment.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Do you have loaded guns at the ready?
Guest:Yeah, I got 15 or 20 guns, I think.
Guest:I don't shoot them, really.
Guest:I just have them.
Guest:I collected them.
Guest:I got one at the ready, yeah.
Marc:Do you have one in your car still?
Guest:No, I carry it with me when I have to, when I'm going out.
Guest:I'm going out in the evening, and I pack it.
Marc:Really?
Marc:What, in a holster?
Guest:Yeah, no, in a sort of a shoulder bag.
Marc:So you'd have to say, hold on a second.
Marc:Let me get my gun.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:It's ready.
Marc:Yeah?
Guest:I got robbed once.
Guest:I don't want that to happen again.
Marc:But you don't go to practice with the guns?
Guest:No.
Guest:When I'm going to use it, it's going to be within five or six feet.
Marc:And you're ready to drop a guy?
Guest:Yep.
Guest:I'm ready to use it.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:Well, I was thinking about with all the guns you have that I realized that the competition, if we ever get to a point where we could just have a duel,
Marc:Who do you think would win in a duel?
Guest:Me.
Marc:No, you didn't even think about that one.
Marc:Nope.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So hopefully it won't come to that because I'd have to come over and borrow one of your guns to have a duel with you.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:All right, Dad.
Marc:I love you.
Guest:Love you too, babe.
Guest:Bye.
Guest:Thanks for calling.
Yep.
Bye.
Guest:Hello.
Marc:Hey, Mom.
Guest:Hi.
Marc:What's going on?
Guest:Hi, Mark.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I didn't know who it was.
Guest:It sounds so strange.
Guest:I'm good.
Guest:How are you?
Marc:What's happening?
Guest:Nothing.
Guest:You didn't go around and get married or anything, right?
Marc:No, I didn't get married.
Marc:Why would I do that?
Guest:Oh, you did?
Guest:So you were concerned that I might go get married?
Marc:We'll see what happens.
Guest:Please don't get married.
Guest:We can't afford it.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:So did your cousin Debbie come see you in Atlanta?
Marc:I have no idea if she was there.
Marc:I imagine she would have said something if she was there.
Marc:I didn't see her.
Guest:I would imagine she would have, too.
Guest:She has quite a mouthpiece.
Guest:Although sometimes she feels kind of if you're surrounded by your public, I think she backs away.
Marc:Oh, she would have said hi.
Marc:She said hi last time she was there.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:So we got our 100th episode coming up.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:I'm very proud of you, Mark.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Even John said it the other day.
Guest:He says, whatever, you know, you seem to be able to just go another road.
Guest:If this road doesn't work out, you find another road.
Guest:And it's true.
Guest:I'm real proud of you.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:What if I, you think, I'm not going to run out of road, am I?
Guest:Are you going to run out?
Guest:Well, you know what, Mark?
Guest:If you do, you'll find another one.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:I don't think you're running out of this road so fast.
Guest:In fact, you know, Lisa just got back from her camp, you know, in Maine.
Guest:She said...
Guest:Three of the counselors there were so into the podcast.
Guest:When they heard you, she was your cousin, they got so excited.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So it made her feel, you know, oh, my God, my cousin Mark.
Marc:He's actually doing something that people recognize.
Guest:Even in Maine, in the woods of Maine.
Marc:No kidding.
Marc:Yep.
Marc:Well, that's exciting.
Guest:How's your love life?
Marc:It's good, you know.
Marc:I've been seeing this girl, and it's a little crazy to me.
Marc:Did she pick you up?
Marc:What does that mean?
Marc:In the 1970s style?
Guest:Yeah, well, it doesn't matter what style.
Guest:I mean, she saw you and decided that she was going to date you.
Marc:Yeah, that is how it worked, yeah.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Is that how it happens?
Guest:I guess that's how it happens.
Guest:It seems like that's how they get to you.
Guest:Did she graduate high school yet?
Marc:Yes.
Guest:What does she do?
Marc:She's 27.
Guest:Okay, what does she do?
Marc:She studied psychology.
Marc:She wants to get her graduate degree in psychology, and she's down here.
Marc:She's going to try to get work as a substitute teacher.
Marc:She used to work with kids, disturbed kids.
Marc:So I think that's fine training for me.
Guest:I think so.
Marc:I think it's about as good as I can get.
Guest:Probably.
Guest:Probably.
Marc:All right.
Guest:A little older would do.
Guest:So who's on your 100th episode?
Marc:It's just going to be listeners and, you know, maybe read some emails, contact some listeners.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:You know, talk to you.
Guest:You're going to call me?
Marc:I'm calling you right now.
Guest:Oh, you mean I'm on now?
Marc:Yeah, surprise.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:Well, so far I've said only good things.
Guest:I think, you know, I want to tell you something.
Guest:Whether I'm on or not, I knew something was wrong when I heard the lilt in your voice.
Marc:The what?
Guest:The lilt.
Marc:The lilt in my voice.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:It was so refreshing.
Guest:That's why I asked if you ran off and got married.
Marc:Because I sounded happy?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:Oh, no.
Marc:I was just being professional.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Well, next time, please call me and let's pretend.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I will.
Guest:Is your father going to be on, too?
Marc:Yeah, but I don't think he's ever listened to it.
Guest:Yes, he must have.
Marc:I don't think he has any idea how to listen to it.
Marc:I'm willing to bet you that he hasn't listened to it.
Guest:Well, I love it.
Marc:Okay, well, that's good.
Marc:So I'm going to bet you, and then I'll call him, and I'll talk to him, and I'll say, so we're doing our 100th podcast.
Marc:Are you enjoying them?
Marc:And he'll be like, I couldn't figure out how to get it.
Marc:How do you get it?
Marc:I bet you.
Marc:I bet you.
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:Well, when is it on?
Guest:I'll check.
Guest:I'll find out.
Marc:I love you, Mom.
Guest:I love you, baby.
Guest:Bye.
Marc:There's a couple of things that I have to do before we get into that.
Marc:One is call my father, who I haven't spoken to since Thanksgiving.
Marc:I don't know how his holidays went.
Marc:So let me try to get my dad on the phone and get that out of the way before we talk to Mike DiStefano.
Marc:Let's just give him a call.
Guest:Please enjoy the music while your party is reached.
Marc:Oh, come on.
Guest:You can hear that?
Guest:Hello?
Marc:Hey, Dad, it's Mark.
Guest:Uh, Dad?
Marc:I got the wrong number?
Guest:Probably not at all.
Guest:I'm not as old as you.
Marc:You don't have any kids?
Marc:Yeah, I kind of thought that was a weird musical choice for my dad.
Marc:I apologize.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Hey, Rosie, it's Mark.
Guest:Hi, Mark.
Guest:How are you?
Marc:Good.
Marc:Happy Thanksgiving.
Guest:Oh, happy Thanksgiving to you.
Marc:How was it?
Guest:It was good.
Guest:A lot of food.
Guest:You know, too much food.
Guest:Too much?
Guest:A lot, a lot of food, but, you know.
Marc:It was good, though, right?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yes, it was.
Marc:What are you guys doing?
Guest:I'm searching for something that your dad can't find, and I'm curious with him because I'm always on a search.
Marc:Yeah, what is it today?
Oh.
Guest:His little things for the computer, you know, he has a little pouch for him.
Guest:Uh-huh, a pouch.
Guest:I can't find him, so I had to rush from church, and I'm on a search for him, as usual.
Marc:Oh, Jesus.
Guest:I can't find him!
Guest:And yelling, and then I get pains in my stomach, and I'm... So I'm on a search.
Marc:All right, well, where's he?
Guest:He's at the office.
Marc:And you're at home searching for a pouch?
Guest:Yes, a little red pouch that he misplaced again.
Marc:And what goes in there?
Guest:You know, the little computer, those little, whatever you call them, chips, whatever he uses for his...
Guest:computer for his laptop a hard drive yeah what those little whatever they are and there's a bunch of you know quite a few of them and we even misplaced him the other day and thanked me because i finally found him and now he misplaced him again and then i get pains in my stomach and i've got to stop oh yeah all right well all right well i'm sorry you're going through that
Guest:But hopefully I'll find it, and I've got to look for it and find it and take it to the office, I hope.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, I'm sorry.
Marc:It's okay.
Marc:You've got quite a burden to deal with.
Guest:Yeah, I know.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I'll talk to you soon.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Thanks.
Guest:Bye.
Guest:This is Dr. Marin.
Guest:Please leave a message.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:Hey, Dad, it's Mark.
Marc:I'm calling you.
Marc:I just spoke to Rosie.
Marc:I don't have any idea where the red pouch is.
Marc:I don't have it here in California, so I can't help you with that search.
Marc:All right, well, I'll try you on your work phone because I know this is a big crisis.
Marc:Hello.
Marc:Hey.
Marc:Hey, man.
Marc:How you doing, buddy?
Guest:Doing great.
Marc:Yeah, you're going to, what's this thing that you lost that Rosie's looking for?
Guest:I carry my thumb drives in it.
Marc:Where are you, at work?
Guest:I'm just sitting here.
Marc:You talked to Craig, huh?
Marc:That must have been quite an event.
Marc:He asked me for your phone number.
Marc:I said, what the fuck is happening?
Marc:And what happened with that?
Guest:Well, I made him an offer that he's, I mean, I need somebody to take on this business and move it as a businessman.
Guest:I'll work for him.
Guest:Here, Craig, here's all the businessmen.
Guest:Here's what needs to be done.
Guest:Here's the four cities.
Guest:I want to see it done in the next 24 months.
Guest:I just want somebody to do it.
Guest:He's capable of doing that.
Guest:This is a lucrative business eventually.
Marc:The pain management business.
Guest:Basically, we don't have enough people to run it.
Marc:All right, so you want, I guess like maybe, so I'm just trying to feel this out.
Marc:So you think Craig is a little reticent to get into business with his father who claims that he will work for him
Marc:After years of watching your father scramble through a series of bad investments and money-losing enterprises on top of the tension of a lifetime of that relationship, and you can't understand why he might be a little resistant to doing that?
Guest:Yeah, but it's something you could ease into.
Guest:You could just come over here and work a week and...
Guest:You know, get things set up.
Guest:Think about it.
Guest:Go home and write up a business plan.
Guest:Somebody got to write up a business plan.
Marc:But have you forgotten that you guys can't sit in a room together for more than two hours?
Marc:I can't even imagine after that first meeting, you know, what would transpire.
Marc:I'm trying to picture the meeting where you two are sitting there trying to put a business together.
Marc:Oh, Christ.
Marc:That would last about 45 minutes.
Guest:There's some truth to what you say, but I think it could be fine.
Guest:I mean, he's a...
Guest:I am just cuckoo.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, I'll call him up and I'll ask him about just what his resistance is to getting into business as your boss.
Guest:Well, I mean, I'm moving forward on the concept because I need somebody now to do this, to start getting this set up.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, it sounds good.
Marc:Sounds like you've got a lot going on.
Guest:I'll talk to you.
Guest:Love you.
Guest:Stay well.
Marc:All right, Dad.
Marc:Love you, too.
Marc:Bye.
Guest:Hello.
Guest:Hey.
Guest:Hey, man.
Guest:Back in L.A.?
Marc:Yeah, you all right?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Sounds like you got a good business opportunity in Albuquerque.
Guest:exactly what the hell is that about um i called him to ask what type of vitamins he's on and what type of vitamins uh you know maybe i should take the vitamins right i called about vitamins and the next thing you know you know he's asking what i'm doing and now i'm i'm running his company and he sent me a long email says hey you really should think about this and i tried to be real polite about it i was talking to him hey dad it sounds great but you're excited about it and
Guest:I thought, it's not going to work for me.
Guest:It's not like somebody who can just jump over and do it in Albuquerque.
Guest:You know, I've got a family here.
Guest:You know, I was trying to take rational reasons why I can't do this without, you know.
Guest:He's like, no, you can probably go over here three times a week.
Guest:You know, it's your type of business, fine.
Guest:But he said that he would work for you.
Marc:I mean, that's got to be great.
Marc:I mean, when he told me about it, I was just trying to picture the first meeting.
Marc:How does that play out?
Marc:Where he lays out his ideas, you look at it for five minutes and go, you fucked up our whole family.
Guest:It was crazy.
Guest:So anyway, I try to leave the phone call and not get upset and not get engaged in it.
Guest:I don't want to start by saying something like that.
Guest:I don't want to do it.
Guest:That would have been my go-fuck-you.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:I don't know quite sure how to handle it.
Marc:So let me understand.
Marc:You're not going to take the job.
Guest:Not this particular job, no.
Guest:I'm going to pass up on this opportunity.
Yeah.
Marc:All right, dude.
Marc:I just wanted to check in.
Marc:I love you, man.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:I love you.
Marc:I love you, too.
Bye.
Guest:This is Dr. Marin.
Guest:Please leave a message.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:Hey, Dad, Mark.
Marc:Shit.
Marc:Happy birthday yesterday.
Marc:Fuck.
Marc:I'm sorry I missed it.
Marc:I just... I didn't remember.
Marc:I guess you really didn't have that much impact on my life.
Marc:You know, it's kind of your fault.
Marc:I should have... You know...
Marc:It's your fault that I didn't remember.
Marc:That's what I'm saying.
Marc:All right, but I love you, and maybe next year.
Marc:Am I right?
Marc:Oh, fuck.
Marc:I better call you.
Marc:You're going to misunderstand this message.
Marc:Hello.
Marc:Hey, Dad.
Marc:How you doing, man?
Marc:Hey, sorry.
Marc:Hey, happy birthday.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:I forgot.
Marc:I just didn't seem to give a shit.
Marc:So how was your birthday?
Guest:Oh, I had a great time.
Guest:It was a super party.
Guest:They really surprised me.
Guest:I can't believe that I was that distracted with my life that I didn't realize what was going on.
Marc:You got a surprise party?
Marc:You were surprised that you were so self-involved that you couldn't really figure out that they were plotting a surprise party?
Marc:I guess so.
Marc:Did you hear the good news, Dad?
Marc:I don't know if you read in the New York Times, but narcissistic personality disorder is no longer going to be listed in the DSM.
Marc:You're a free man.
Yeah.
Marc:They took off narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, and dependency personality disorder.
Marc:So you've got three out of five at least.
Marc:So now you're just a few symptoms that are not necessarily connected to any broader diagnosis.
Marc:So you're a free man.
Guest:I appreciate that.
Marc:Maybe you can go get your old job back at the hospital.
Guest:Right, right.
Yeah.
Marc:So wait, tell me how many people showed up.
Marc:I just want to know how many people felt guilty and had to pretend that they were your friend.
Guest:There was over 100 people there.
Marc:Well, that's great, 100 people.
Marc:So you were driving over there, probably yelling at your wife about something.
Marc:Am I right?
Guest:No, it was just because I was sort of above.
Guest:I wasn't even thinking.
Guest:She said, we're going out for dinner.
Guest:I said, okay.
Guest:I just went along.
Guest:I didn't even realize it was early in the afternoon.
Guest:She says, pick me up at 5.
Guest:I said, what for?
Guest:I said, yeah, it will be early.
Guest:We'll go out for early dinner.
Guest:That was how it went, man.
Guest:We just pulled up.
Guest:I walked in.
Guest:There it was.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:That's great, Dad.
Marc:So did you ever find that little hard drive thing or what?
Guest:Yeah, I found it.
Marc:Where was that?
Guest:It was in my pocket.
Guest:It was in my shirt pocket.
Guest:I had the jacket and the sweater on.
Guest:I never felt up there, so I just got lost.
Guest:It was fascinating.
Marc:You made your wife come home from church to find a thing.
Marc:You upset her.
Marc:It was in your pocket when I talked to you?
Guest:It was.
Marc:Oh, boy.
Guest:All right, man.
Guest:Take the call.
Guest:I love you.
Guest:Take care.
Guest:Bye.
Guest:I love you.
Guest:Bye.
Marc:Hey, you guys.
Marc:This is Mark in the present again.
Marc:If you've been listening to this show for a while, you probably know that I went through a period after writing my book, Attempting Normal, where my dad and I stopped talking.
Marc:On the 500th episode in 2014, I talked to my mother and my brother to see if they thought I should try to patch things up with my dad, which I eventually did.
Marc:And these are the series.
Marc:This is the series of that happening, unfolding in clips from episode 500.
Marc:Enjoy.
Marc:Enjoy.
Marc:I don't always know how I got here.
Marc:I don't always have perspective.
Marc:Even the people in my family, how they register it.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I know my father's pissed off, but I don't talk to my brother about stuff.
Marc:And my brother Craig is, you know, we've had a brotherly relationship.
Marc:It's been up and down.
Marc:It's been difficult at times, but we're okay now.
Marc:And I've never really talked to him at all about what he thinks is going on here in my life.
Marc:Let me see if I can get him on the phone.
Guest:Hello.
Marc:Hey, buddy.
Marc:Can you hear me?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:That's great.
Marc:So, Craig, how you doing, man?
Guest:I'm doing good.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Just working.
Guest:Everything's good.
Marc:That's good because, well, that's nice to hear because I don't really have time for your problems right now.
Guest:I'm glad we're getting out of the way early.
Marc:Yeah, I'm happy to hear you're doing well.
Marc:I guess my questions are, since obviously no one has known me as long as you have, being my brother, there's a couple questions.
Marc:Now, were there periods in my...
Marc:in my life, like I know we were always close, but there were times where you were doing your thing and I was doing mine.
Marc:Were there periods where you thought, like, uh-oh, Mark's in trouble.
Marc:I don't think he's going to pull out of it.
Guest:With respect to your comedy or just in general?
Marc:Sure.
Marc:We can go macro and micro.
Guest:All right.
Guest:You know, I never... When we were young, I had the little brother, big brother thing going.
Guest:So even when you were...
Guest:When you were dodging trouble and dealing with the family, it never occurred to me that it was good or bad.
Guest:You were just my brother doing your thing.
Guest:Right.
Guest:The only thing I really worried about, Jim, was when you were in L.A.
Guest:dealing with a comedy store.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I think the reason I worried then was because I'd come out and spend a couple days with you.
Guest:And they were pretty heavy days.
Guest:And I felt that my responsibility was to be at your level.
Guest:And whatever that took, I was going to make that happen.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then when I came...
Guest:When I came home after that weekend, it took me about two weeks to get my head straight.
Guest:And it was in that moment where I realized what you were living through, and I had some concerns.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I mean, so, you know, and obviously we've both been through our struggles with this stuff, but do you, like, you know, in the last few years, have you noticed a difference in me?
Marc:Have I evolved or changed?
Marc:Am I moving in the right direction?
Guest:Yeah, there's been a tremendous change.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:When I talk about you, it's amazing to me and awesome that you have found your niche in the world and your success is coming from actually having a genuine, a sincere, genuine interest in other people.
Guest:Because that's...
Guest:That's not that that hasn't been your past, as you know.
Marc:Wait, wait, wait.
Marc:No, I'm not.
Marc:No, I'm not.
Marc:I'm not.
Marc:I'm not sure I do know that.
Marc:Wait.
Marc:So you're saying that in the past.
Marc:So it's surprising to you that my success is built on my ability to be there for other people.
Marc:Not not so much what I used to be like.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's your sincere interest.
Guest:and other people from everything i see in here that has given you the success you have and that's why people like to be in in your garage because you have a real interest in them and that's uh you know i i haven't that's not the view that that i saw growing up really who was who was i interested in you were uh
Guest:you're interested in, in you, I think would be that, you know, I'm talking later, you know, from college on, but I, but the caveat there is, you know, my memories of us growing up as brothers, that regardless of what was going on, when it came down to certain situations that, that needed, that needed to be resolved, whether it would be a Twitter, whether we were in trouble or, or,
Guest:you stepped up and you knew how to be there for us and for me.
Guest:So...
Guest:I didn't need to say that.
Guest:So you weren't, you always, from a brother standpoint, you have always been there.
Guest:But from what I know, that hasn't been the case for other people in your life.
Marc:Well, okay.
Marc:So do you think that, well, I'm glad that I've grown in that way, you know?
Marc:You know, there's a fictionalized version of you in one of the episodes this year, and I know you watched a little snippet of the guy I had play you last year.
Marc:Does any of that make you uncomfortable?
Guest:No, no, he's tall.
Guest:He's thin.
Guest:He's handsome.
Guest:I have everything that strive to be.
Guest:So it's all good.
Marc:OK, good.
Marc:Well, I hope that that sticks now.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So now, like the one issue I'm having, obviously, and we both know is with that in general terms.
Marc:I haven't spoken a lot about it to my audience other than we're we're at odds with each other.
Marc:And and I don't know if it's resolvable.
Marc:What do you think I should do?
Guest:This is a tricky one for me because he's my dad, too, and I know the dynamic.
Guest:So I think the right thing at the end of the day is for us to have some space to...
Guest:I don't want to say forgive, but to have some space around it, it is what it is, to not carry resentment and hate about it.
Guest:That said, it doesn't necessarily mean engage at any real level.
Guest:It just means to let go of some of the resentment.
Guest:Again, having said that, it takes very little for me to jump on the anger wagon and say, you know,
Guest:You know, hell with all that.
Guest:But ideally, I think we need to have space around it and just let it be with a very cautious engagement.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Cautious engagement.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:I live with that.
Marc:All right, ma'am.
Marc:Well, I love you.
Marc:Thanks.
Guest:I love you too, brother.
Marc:Bye-bye.
Bye.
Guest:Hello?
Marc:Hi, Mom.
Marc:It's Mark.
Marc:Can you hear me?
Guest:Not as good as I heard you before.
Marc:Oh, yeah?
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:Let me see if I can fix it.
Guest:You sound very far away right now.
Marc:All right.
Marc:How about now?
Guest:Yeah, I can make it out.
Marc:Basically, Mom.
Marc:Mark.
Marc:I guess what I want to talk to you about is, were you worried that I wasn't going to make it?
Guest:Most of the time, I always knew you'd make it.
Marc:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah, there were times when you were not...
Guest:Oh, you know, you were boozing and that stuff that I got scared.
Marc:Like scared that I was going to die or that I was just going to throw my life away?
Guest:Throw your life away.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:And, you know, how has my success changed you at all about things?
Marc:Me?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Well, certainly.
Marc:How?
Guest:I'm just a proud mother.
Guest:I walk around and they say, there's Mark's mother.
Guest:Do they?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Are you kidding?
Guest:And it's just a good feeling to know that you've got what you've finally worked so hard for.
Marc:And you listen to the podcast regularly, right?
Guest:Regularly.
Marc:And that's how you know what's going on with my life.
Guest:It's about the size of that, and I read your newsletter.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And then I send it to my friends, who I think will want to read it, too.
Guest:Like who?
Guest:My friend Shelly, and there's another two people in the development who are very into you.
Guest:I send it to them and to my nieces.
Marc:So you're actually able to be proud of me now.
Guest:Mark, it was not that I was... I was always proud of you.
Guest:I was very sad a lot of times that I was...
Guest:Just afraid you weren't going to get what you deserved.
Marc:Well, I guess that comes with, you know, when you choose a career in show business, I guess you just never know.
Marc:But, I mean, I have to assume that all those years where I was miserable and I was trying very hard to do something that, like, I mean, I know there were periods there where you must have thought, like, well, he's not quite there yet.
Marc:Like, whatever he's trying to do, it's not quite right yet.
Marc:Like when he'd watch me do stand-up and he'd be like, no.
Guest:Yeah, sometimes when I saw you do stand-up.
Guest:But once you started on Air America, I used to run with you every morning.
Guest:And from then on, it was like I knew that things were going to start happening.
Guest:Even when you were on that program with your friend Steve.
Guest:What was his name?
Guest:Sam Cedar.
Guest:Sam, yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I just knew that eventually you were going to catch on.
Marc:Well, you thought that, because you thought radio was a good medium for me?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Now, I know you haven't seen too much of the new season, but when I talk about you or when I talk about Dad or our family or now that I have Sally Kellerman playing you on the show, I mean, does that make you uncomfortable?
Marc:No.
Marc:It doesn't, right?
Guest:The only... I'll tell you what makes me uncomfortable.
Guest:When it's a sexual episode, there's stuff that I don't have to know about.
Marc:Oh, you mean about me?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:So you don't like to see your son making out with women?
Guest:Or...
Guest:It depends on the episode.
Guest:I mean, there were a few in the first season that I found embarrassing.
Marc:For me?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yeah, of course for you.
Marc:Not for you.
Guest:Well, I was embarrassed because, yeah, it works both ways.
Marc:It's uncomfortable.
Guest:It was uncomfortable.
Marc:But you don't mind Sally Kellerman playing you, right?
Guest:No, I like it.
Marc:And I know you saw a little bit of the family episode.
Marc:You haven't seen all of it yet, but you seem to have some issue with that.
Marc:What was the issue with that?
Guest:Um...
Guest:It wasn't as crazy as the family really is.
Marc:Oh, I'm sorry.
Guest:I should have made it.
Guest:It was dull.
Guest:It didn't show how dysfunctional we really were.
Marc:I'm trying to protect some people.
Marc:I mean, Dad's not talking to me.
Marc:I'm talking a bit on this episode about the risks we take.
Marc:If we talk about our lives and our family is involved and, you know, I think it might have permanently strained my relationship with him.
Marc:What do you think I should do about that?
Guest:I think you should do what you're doing.
Guest:You're trying to make amends.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Do you think?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So you think I should maybe get in contact with him and see if I can make it right?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Just for my own sake?
Guest:Yep.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, definitely not for his, for yours.
Guest:No, you know, if he dies tomorrow, I don't know how you'll feel.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:You know, I mean, I'm not telling you to get down on your knees, but just to make an effort to see if you can just, you know, let the whole, if he can let the whole thing go.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I don't know if he can ever do that.
Marc:Yeah, I mean, I guess it's not, you know, whether he can do that or not is not really my issue.
Guest:No.
Marc:I guess I just have to apologize for causing him undue stress.
Guest:I guess that would be the way to go.
Marc:But do you think he was overreacting?
Guest:I think the man is a little crazy, yes.
Guest:I think that's just him.
Guest:I mean, he just twists everything around.
Guest:Of course he was overreacting.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Guest:It was funny.
Marc:Yeah, I know.
Marc:Well, I'll have to figure it out.
Marc:But all right.
Marc:But so you're happy then.
Marc:You're relaxed and I'm finally doing okay.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:Well, I love you, Mom.
Guest:Is that it?
Guest:I'm done.
Marc:Well, what do you want to talk about?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I just want you to know that I do love you.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:And I'm super proud of you.
Guest:And I really, I can honestly tell you, Mark, that when I hear your interviews, I'm in awe.
Guest:I just can't imagine how you come about bringing all these people out like you do.
Guest:I think it's totally amazing.
Guest:All right.
Guest:And I'm in awe.
Guest:What can I tell you?
Guest:That's the truth.
Marc:Well, that makes me happy to hear.
Marc:I'm glad that I've impressed you and that you're proud of me.
Guest:And I'm glad you found this niche that is so great for you.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I'm a little choked up now.
Marc:Thank you, Mom.
Guest:I love you, Mark.
Marc:I love you, too.
Marc:Bye.
Guest:Bye.
Marc:I should probably deal with my father, too.
Marc:I know a lot of you... I've gotten feedback from you about this problem I'm having with my father, and I understand that he's upset, but a lot of you, again, the dynamic of...
Marc:father-son relationships, you know, parent-children relationships.
Marc:It is what it is.
Marc:And you guys know some, but it becomes very difficult.
Marc:I know there's part of me that thinks like, well, you know, he's old and you don't know, you understand that he's got his problems and you should be able to just to suck it up and deal with it.
Marc:But I really dumped a load of shit on him.
Marc:That he believes he didn't deserve.
Marc:And I guess if I frame it like that, that's probably true.
Marc:I probably he probably he probably didn't deserve that.
Marc:But but my story was my story.
Marc:My story with him was a defining element of my life.
Marc:And he responded the way he responded.
Marc:I don't know that I owe him an apology for that, but I certainly didn't want to cause him grief or any more hardship than he already had.
Marc:But, you know, it did.
Marc:It did that.
Marc:So I guess I can apologize for not doing.
Marc:I don't know how to handle it because I don't want to open up a can of worms.
Marc:And I did get very angry at him.
Marc:And I did dump about 50 years of my sadness and anger at him onto him.
Marc:And I guess there's an argument to be made.
Marc:Maybe you should do that with a third party.
Marc:Maybe you don't do that with a 75 year old man or however old he is.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Maybe that vitality is exactly what I got from my father.
Marc:Maybe that vitality, maybe that, that weird strain of spite is exactly why he persists in the world and keeps moving forward.
Marc:I do.
Marc:I do have this sad feeling that when I lost my shit on my father, that somewhere in his heart, he realized like, ah, yeah, that's my boy.
Marc:I mean, he had to have done that, but I do have to resolve this thing and I will.
Marc:I will resolve it.
Guest:Hello?
Marc:Hey, Dad.
Guest:How you doing, kid?
Marc:How you doing?
Guest:Better that you called.
Marc:Well, I'm going to be out there, and we should get together and just fix this.
Marc:You know, let's get past this.
Marc:It's stupid.
It is.
Marc:The bottom line is I never set out to hurt you or betray you or do anything shitty.
Marc:I just was telling my story and it had these effects and it makes me feel horrible on some level.
Marc:I don't feel bad that I did it, but I feel bad that it fucked you up so much and you didn't need any extra stress.
Marc:Whatever my anger is, it's like enough already.
Marc:If one of us dies, I don't need this shit being between us one way or the other.
Marc:We're both what we are.
Marc:We're stubborn.
Marc:We're angry people.
Marc:I don't feel like going through the rest of my life with this wall here.
Marc:You're having a tough time, and I have my own tough time.
Marc:Let's just fucking deal with it.
Marc:It's not like we live down the block from each other.
Marc:I don't need this shit either.
Guest:Appreciate it so much.
Marc:You all right?
Marc:Look, you know, whatever your fucking anger is or however you think I fucked you, it's like, you know, we just can't go back there and I won't go back to mine.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:I mean, I want you to be all right.
Marc:And, you know, I didn't, I swear to God, I didn't mean to fucking cause you more problems.
Marc:I just thought I was telling my story and it had these horrible repercussions.
Marc:You know, what the fuck?
Marc:You know, I don't know that I was completely sensitive to the repercussions it would have.
Marc:I mean, you're not the only one.
Marc:In my mind, it was like, well, who's going to know but me and you?
Marc:And who's going to know but me and Jessica or Mishnah, whoever the fuck it is?
Marc:When you do what I do, there are these repercussions.
Marc:And I guess it just took me something... I just got to learn my lesson or figure out some other way to do it or just live with it or end up alone because no one's going to want to be with me because they're afraid I'm going to talk about them.
Marc:So fuck it.
Guest:I've always liked and respected your comedy.
Guest:It was never an issue, but just...
Guest:This just got big, so I, you know,
Guest:It became an issue which I felt bad about.
Guest:I'm happy that you called.
Guest:I'm glad we can move forward and forget all this bullshit.
Marc:Here's the real deal.
Marc:Whatever the list of violations are in your mind is that we're difficult people.
Marc:We've had these fucking things before.
Marc:It's not unique to us and not unique to our relationship, but I think the dimension of the book and the TV show and then the feelings around that stuff, that just made it even worse.
Marc:We've been through this before.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I love you and forgive you for all that stuff.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I love you, too.
Marc:And I'll call you when I get there.
Marc:I'll let you know when I'm coming in.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:Okay, bye.
Marc:I just wanted to say that me and my dad are okay now.
Marc:We're all right.
Marc:We're doing all right.
Marc:I talk to him relatively frequently.
Marc:I have to occasionally reel him in because he seems to not understand that Fox News is not just news.
Marc:And it does pollute his brain a bit, but I try to help him out and his wife is okay.
Marc:So we're doing all right.
Marc:So again, Happy New Year, and we'll be back with our first new show of 2018 on Thursday with our guest, Ta-Nehisi Coates.
Marc:Boomer lives!