Episode 84 - Marga Gomez / The Saga of the Jeans
Guest:Lock the gates!
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Pow!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Guest:What's wrong with me?
Guest:It's time for WTF!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:With Mark Maron.
Marc:Okay, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fuck nicks?
Marc:What the fuckineers?
Marc:Whatever the fuck you want to call yourselves.
Marc:Look, I'm in my house.
Marc:And you know what I went through with those boots, right?
Marc:So, like, I got the new boots, the second pair of boots.
Marc:It was a struggle for all of us to really get the right red-wing boots.
Marc:And it's taken me about a month to break them in.
Marc:So now...
Marc:I went to the Levi's store in San Francisco, which is, of course, the original Levi's store.
Marc:I believe they're still from San Francisco, if I'm not mistaken.
Marc:The original Levi's.
Marc:I may be mistaken, but I don't think so.
Marc:But I bought a pair of Levi's original fit 501 shrink-to-fit jeans.
Marc:And...
Marc:Like I haven't bought these in a long time.
Marc:Like they've never touched water.
Marc:So I'm looking at them.
Marc:And of course I'm, I'm into it because I think, well, those have integrity.
Marc:I can make them mine.
Marc:They're like the old days back in the day when all Levi's were hard and stiff and that you would buy them and would, they'd be uncomfortable for weeks on end.
Marc:And then finally you'd own those fuckers and they'd be your pants and they'd be no one else's pants.
Marc:And then I thought like recently you buy these pants like Levi's and
Marc:And they don't even last long.
Marc:They become garbage inside a year or two.
Marc:So now they've got these shrink-to-fit ones like I grew up with, and I bought a pair.
Marc:Before I bought them, I'm talking to the guy at the store who's packed into his pants.
Marc:This guy is like, he's chubby, and he's got a handlebar mustache.
Marc:There's already two strikes against him.
Marc:I'm like, how am I gonna take this guy's advice?
Marc:So I said, well, what do you do with these pants?
Marc:What, I wash them, and they're gonna shrink to size?
Marc:And he looks at me, he's like, no.
Marc:Well, you never wash your pants.
Marc:And like, I'm thinking, what does that even mean?
Marc:You never wash your pants.
Marc:And I'm thinking, do your pants smell like balls?
Marc:How long have you not washed those pants?
Marc:You're like a walking, you probably smell like a ball factory.
Marc:You mean your pants, they never, are your balls, do you have immaculate balls?
Marc:I mean, balls stink if you give them time and now you're wearing your pants for a year.
Marc:Do you have friends?
Marc:Do you date women or men?
Marc:Does anyone want to hang out with you?
Marc:I understand that maybe you think your pants are perfect.
Marc:But, you know, I'm now I'm like I'm stepping back because I didn't catch the wave of ball smell coming off you.
Marc:But I'm sure it's there if you don't wash your pants freak.
Marc:Obviously, I didn't say that.
Marc:What I said was, well, what do I do with these?
Marc:And.
Marc:He said, well, you got to do.
Marc:And he's serious with his handlebar mustache.
Marc:So it's already hard because I think I'm talking to some sort of circus barker.
Marc:He says, well, what I usually do is I buy him a size small, which is smaller than what I wear, which is already ridiculous because they're shrink to fit.
Marc:You're supposed to buy a size bigger.
Marc:So already I'm like, well, I can tell that I'm not going to wear my pants like yours anyways.
Marc:But so he says, you put the pants on and you get into a bathtub with them.
Marc:and and then you get out of the bathtub and you towel off and then uh you wear them around wet for like an hour or two and and my first thought is like that's fucking ridiculous i'm not doing that and then i thought when i got home well i'm just gonna wash these pants but then i thought well what if this guy's right or maybe just do a little research so i go online and
Marc:And sure enough, what you're supposed to do to make these perfect, and God knows I'm willing to commit to articles of clothing and shoes to make them mine, is that you've got to get into a bathtub with them and wear them around.
Marc:So I'm going to do that.
Marc:I'm going to get into a bathtub.
Marc:Well, I'm going to run the water.
Marc:I don't even take baths.
Marc:So the first bath, I can't remember the last time I took a bath.
Marc:So the first bath I'm going to take, I'm going to be wearing my pants.
Marc:I don't even know if this bath works.
Marc:I've never taken a bath.
Marc:Well, maybe once.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So I don't even know how hot it has to be.
Marc:I guess I should be able to tolerate it.
Marc:Wait.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So I'm running a hot bath.
Marc:Ow.
Marc:Ow.
Marc:That may be a little higher than that.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Ow.
Marc:Shit.
Marc:All right.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So, I'm going to run the bath, and I'm going to take a bath with my pants on.
Marc:I didn't want to do this alone, so I'm bringing you into this.
Marc:And I don't know if anyone has any feedback on this, but the whole not washing your pants... I mean, look, I don't have, like, smelly balls, but I mean...
Marc:But I don't know.
Marc:That just seems weird to me.
Marc:But I will do the bath thing.
Marc:All right?
Marc:So I'm going to do that.
Marc:I'm going to fill the bath with water.
Marc:I've got the pants on now.
Marc:I'm wearing my underwear because, God forbid, they shrink too much.
Marc:I don't want them to mold to my junk.
Marc:I'm not in a band, though I could be if you heard me in San Francisco.
Marc:But I've also I've taken chances with pants, folks.
Marc:You've been with me on this stuff.
Marc:I mean, Janine bought me some skinny pants.
Marc:I'm too old for that business.
Marc:That just looks ridiculous.
Marc:Makes my head look too big on my head.
Marc:But I'm going to do this.
Marc:I'm going to get into the tub with pants and I'll be back with you in a second.
Marc:All right, so the bath is filled up now.
Marc:Now, I don't know... Do I leave my shirt on?
Marc:I mean, if I'm going to do this, I might as well just... Maybe we should put a jacket on, too.
Marc:I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
Marc:Has it come to this, folks?
Marc:Is this the type of radio that I'm doing?
Marc:That I'm, or podcasting?
Marc:This is definitely not radio.
Marc:You couldn't do this at a radio station without getting, well, you probably wouldn't get fired, but I'd have to have a special tub brought in.
Marc:Yeah, this is besides the point.
Marc:Who am I, Adam Carolla?
Marc:Why don't I just say, you know, when I was a kid, we used to take baths in my pants, and my dad used to come in and bring us donuts from this place that we used to go to, Joe's Donuts.
Marc:And, you know, Joe was a great guy.
Marc:I mean, Joe was one of those guys that, you know, made his own donuts, and he'd coat them with the icing himself, and we all knew Joe.
Marc:But when we were in the bath with clothes on, my dad would, you know, he'd go get him at Joe's and tell Joe, I'm not doing that kind of radio, but...
Marc:Or podcasting.
Marc:I'm podcasting.
Marc:I'm not doing radio.
Marc:But I am about to get into a tub with my pants on.
Marc:So, you know, maybe I'll take my shirt off.
Marc:Yeah, hold on.
Marc:Uh-oh.
Marc:See, that's going to be a problem.
Marc:I just dropped a recorder.
Marc:Now, what if it drops into the tub...
Marc:While I'm doing this and I die on the podcast in a bathtub with my fucking pants on.
Marc:Is it worth it?
Marc:I just want you to know.
Marc:I just want you people to know you what the holy shit.
Marc:I got to run.
Marc:When did I get so fucking fat?
Marc:What the fuck happened?
Marc:Oh my god.
Marc:I'm going to the doctor tomorrow.
Marc:My cholesterol is going to be high.
Marc:I'm risking my life on a lot of levels here.
Marc:First of all, I'm risking it just by being fat.
Marc:But more importantly, I'm about to get into a tub with an electrical device.
Marc:Alright, if I go down, I hope this is what you want.
Marc:What the fuckers.
Marc:I hope this was worth it.
Marc:If I die in a tub with my pants on.
Marc:At least my underwear are clean.
Marc:But I never got that from my parents.
Marc:I think that's a black thing to sort of make sure you put clean underwear on.
Marc:I've heard so many black comics talk about this clean underwear thing.
Marc:What if you get into an accident and you have dirty underwear?
Marc:Well, the fuck difference does that make?
Marc:All right.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, I'm going to get in the tub now with my pants on.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:This is fucking ridiculous.
Marc:Alright, if I die, just know that I have my pants on in a bathtub.
Marc:Alright, I'm getting in.
Marc:Oh, it's hot.
Marc:Alright.
Marc:Now, I want you to know that I'm sitting in a bathtub with hot water with my pants on.
Marc:Usually in this scenario, I'd be surrounded by a bunch of panicky friends saying, well, how much did he fucking take?
Marc:How drunk could he be?
Marc:He's got to be on stage in two hours.
Marc:Dude, just like, I don't know, hit him in the face.
Marc:No, we weren't going to take his pants off.
Marc:I mean, he's fucked up.
Marc:There are bubbles coming out of my fly and I didn't do anything.
Marc:It must just be air.
Marc:Because I would know if I was passing gas.
Marc:Now, how much time do I have to spend in here?
Marc:Stosh, you want to come look at this?
Marc:All right.
Marc:I'm bringing my housemate in to witnesses.
Marc:So... I'm nervous.
Marc:What are you nervous about?
Marc:I'm just in a bath with my pants on.
Marc:What, you've never seen that before?
Marc:You've never gone out with a drunk?
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:But if I were drunk, I'd be like... Really, our bubble's coming out of your crush.
Marc:I know.
Marc:But if this was our relationship, you'd be like, what are you doing?
Marc:And I'd be like, what?
Marc:I'm just taking a bath.
Marc:And you're like, your pants are on.
Marc:And I'd say, oh, shit.
Marc:If you were like...
Marc:My pants are on.
Marc:How long do you think I stay in here?
Marc:I already looked.
Marc:It just said take a bath.
Marc:Like people... Until the bubble stopped.
Marc:The instructions were clearly for people that bathed.
Marc:I shower.
Marc:A rubber duck?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Maybe a book or something.
Marc:I'm going to get out soon.
Marc:Should I wash my hair?
Marc:Should I actually bathe?
Marc:Or am I just supposed to sit here with my fucking pants on?
Marc:Folks, this is ridiculous.
Marc:But you know what?
Marc:If it turns out to be the best pants ever, I just have a feeling that I'm not going to be any different than any other pants I've had.
Marc:I'm going to have a conversation now.
Marc:with Margo Gomez, who I don't know if she's bathed clothes or not, but I met Margo a long time ago in San Francisco, and she's a lesbian comedian, and she was one of the first of that, the first wave of out gay comics in the San Francisco area.
Marc:Uh-oh.
Marc:I don't want to get my hands wet and things are falling in here.
Marc:nothing I'm alright no I'm good and I don't need help well I met her a long time ago and I always thought she was really hot and it was one of those situations where of course I'm like is she really gay or do I have a shot at this and I guess I have to talk to her about that and I haven't seen her in like 15 years and I'm very excited because this is really the first time I've interviewed a very out gay comic and to be able to talk about that stuff
Marc:will be interesting for me.
Marc:So I hope you like it.
Marc:Okay, I think I've had enough of the tub.
Marc:Don't you think that's enough?
Marc:A whole bunch are coming out now.
Marc:I must have an air pocket below my balls.
Marc:I never knew I had that much space in there.
Marc:I think I'm done in here.
Guest:Mom!
Guest:I'm done!
Guest:Come dry me!
Guest:Maybe that's why I'm fucked up.
Guest:That's what moms are supposed to do.
Marc:They're supposed to dry you, right?
Marc:No?
Marc:You can't come in here after I just said that.
Marc:Okay, I'll say something else.
Marc:Stosh!
Marc:I'm done!
Guest:Come and dry me off!
Marc:All right, I'm getting out, and now I'm going to walk around in wet pants.
Marc:All right, I'll be back.
Marc:I'll let you know how this goes.
Marc:We're about to have an interview here, but we're in the middle of a chocolate opening process.
Marc:We're opening Vietnamese 72% pure chocolate, and it's never taken so long.
Guest:Wow, they keep that.
Guest:That must be really fresh.
Guest:Oh, no, thanks.
Marc:Are you anti-chocolate?
Guest:No, I love chocolate.
Guest:No, actually, before my shows, they got, I don't know why they would do this to an actress, but they got me a box of C's candy.
Marc:The good stuff, huh?
Marc:The mall stuff.
Guest:It's funny, yeah, because they always force the one piece on you.
Guest:Like, here, have this, have this, take it.
Guest:But, yeah, I never thought much of it.
Guest:But I said, well, I just like the ones with the caramel and the nuts.
Guest:And so now you can actually go to C's and just say what you want in the box.
Guest:Oh, so before before my show doing tonight, we do a little tech, you know, just run a few cues.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:And then after that, me and the stage manager, we have our you know, we go through our our cues and then we know we get like a piece of chocolate.
Marc:That's the reward at the end of the maze.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:My guest is Marga Gomez, who I have not seen in probably 15 years.
Marc:Is that possible?
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I didn't think you were going to remember me yesterday.
Marc:Why wouldn't I remember you?
Marc:I always speak highly of you.
Guest:Because I heard on your show that you don't remember anybody.
Guest:That's what you said.
Marc:I remember you.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Well, you said on the show.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That I don't remember anybody.
Guest:And you weren't an asshole to me.
Guest:So both those things.
Guest:Lies.
Marc:I didn't.
Marc:I was not an asshole to you.
Guest:You were not.
Guest:You were really nice.
Marc:I always had respect for you.
Marc:I think.
Marc:Did we do the competition together at some point?
Marc:I mean, was it 1992 maybe?
Marc:Were you ever in the SF comedy competition?
Marc:You were.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yes, one of my saddest stories, I came in second to last.
Marc:But that was the year, it was like 92 or 93, because I only did it twice, and I did it the first year.
Guest:Was I bad all the way?
Guest:No, I think it was in the 80s.
Guest:I was better in the 90s.
Guest:I could have, I think, placed higher.
Marc:I don't know how I would have met you, because I remember you specifically.
Marc:I remember you around, and I know we did stand-up together.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:I feel like we did the competition, but you would know better than me.
Marc:Do you know that it was in the 80s?
Guest:I think I did the competition when I was just starting out in the 80s.
Guest:I had one really good night, which was weird.
Guest:I came in the top five that night.
Guest:But then after that, I would hang out with the guys.
Guest:You know with the with you know with the guys like I mean Steven Pearl He's so sweet now, but I was totally scared of him then and then Monty Hoffman, you know, and I was creepy.
Guest:Yeah Yeah, but by the by the time it was time to go on I was totally demoralized and and Just insecure and had all the negative voices in my head and so every every show like oh Well that thing was the worst it was designed to make you crazy
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So I think then maybe there's more of them.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:But but that particular one with the rating system they had and had like, you know, Pricewaterhouse accountants or something trying to, you know, giving you this judging standard of these numbers that were meaningless.
Marc:And they just made all of us fester over those numbers every night.
Marc:And it was ridiculous.
Marc:I'm glad we're past it.
Marc:So I'm trying to think.
Guest:I think I want to go back in.
Guest:You ready?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Things have gotten that bad.
Guest:Maybe the competition will help.
Marc:No, no more.
Marc:We can't do it anymore.
Marc:So I guess what I do remember is at that time when I was living in San Francisco and I lived here for a couple of years in 92, 93, that you were really one of the first.
Marc:There was a thing going on in this in this city that had not really spread, but it was this one man show, one woman show format.
Marc:And, you know, it was Josh Kornbluth, right?
Marc:Yourself.
Marc:You know, I think Karen Finley was here at that time.
Marc:Was she or New York?
Marc:She was in New York.
Marc:That was earlier.
Guest:I think she was part of the NEA 3 or 5 that Jesse Helms was after.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But there was sort of a thing that was sort of invented here that, you know, comedians or comic performers would do long form monologue driven.
Guest:Whoopi was here doing that.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Whoopi Goldberg.
Guest:She was working on her mom's show and then all her characters.
Guest:Then she went to New York.
Marc:And that was...
Guest:sort of this area that made that happen she was part of a company called the blake street hawkeyes and uh from being part of that theater uh collective she started developing her characters and then she worked at a place um called the valencia rose right that was one of the first gay comedy clubs
Guest:and uh so she was she was working it out there and uh did you see her at that time i met her and uh it's so funny because you know i was i was a big pothead so i never followed through on things sure and so um she goes yeah we got a workshop sometime like she saw i don't know what i was doing we got a workshop we got a workshop sometime yeah and i was like oh yeah totally i'm gonna call her and i had her number and i just never never called and then she got you know
Guest:Super famous.
Marc:So this is before she broke.
Marc:So she had been in Los Angeles and she came up here to work out the show.
Marc:I mean, I don't know if the timeline is right.
Guest:She started here?
Guest:Yeah, she started here.
Guest:No kidding.
Guest:She was in the East Bay and then she really started working out things in San Francisco at this club, the Valencia Rose, which was a gay club, but their feeling was, it was a queer club.
Guest:And they felt like...
Guest:And like Paul Krasner worked there, Jane Dornacker worked there.
Guest:So it was like it was about queer.
Guest:It was about being, you know, just counter, you know, counterculture.
Marc:So queer and gay doesn't mean the same.
Guest:Not the feeling that we had back then.
Guest:It was about being radical.
Guest:So we called it queer.
Guest:And of course, a lot of us, you know, we were having queer sex, but it wasn't necessary.
Guest:It wasn't necessary.
Marc:To be queer, you didn't have to have queer sex.
Guest:You just had to have a nice haircut.
Marc:Oh, OK.
Marc:And you had to be a rebel.
Marc:so we're going back to late 80s i mean would you say that you were there at the beginning of what really became the the gay comedy scene here i mean stand-up wise yeah yeah i was and who was with you and during that time i mean who were they i mean i know margaret's show sort of got embraced by that scene but oh that margaret also worked at that club yeah
Marc:Like there was Josie's and there was – what was the other one called?
Marc:Del Rio or the something – where were you at the beginning?
Guest:Well, there was mostly like the Valencia Rose and that's kind of where the philosophy of this particular queer comedy and progressive radical counterculture comedy –
Guest:what are we talking about there like what what kind of acts i mean what is the the progressive queer comedy manifesto it wasn't you know it wasn't just uh uh you know gay comedians it was they also did a lot of performance art um i don't know if you remember a group called culture clash it was all you know they played there um it was a lot of solo work happened there and and then um a lot of vegetarian food i think that was the downfall of joe's uh well
Guest:Valencia Rose and then Josie's.
Guest:It was the same owner, this guy Ron Lanza, who now drives a Cadillac limo that's got a big dent in it.
Marc:That's where he ended up?
Marc:He's got no restaurants anymore, just a Cadillac limo with a dent in it?
Guest:Yeah, well, he supposedly was a vegetarian, and then he loved wine.
Guest:But he started out as a valet in Jersey, and he had all these stories.
Guest:But he opened up the Valencia Rose, which used to be a funeral parlor.
Guest:Only in San Francisco.
Marc:That was a bar and performance venue?
Guest:uh now then it became new college but it was weird it had a people say it might have been cursed because it was where um during the vietnam war you know they were just sending all the caskets there of all the soldiers in san francisco through this particular funeral parlor that's what i heard um
Guest:um anyways so that lasted that comedy club lasted for a few years and the same people then opened josie's which used to be a pen store uh right in the castro and that's i think when everything um kind of got it merged and it was um it was the launching uh pad for for whoopee and uh
Marc:margaret margaret and who are the the men was scott capuro or who was oh yeah scott totally yeah mark uh mark davis mark davis and you were doing some stand-up but you always seem to be coming up with one person shows i mean that was more the focus yeah
Guest:Yeah, I just was always around.
Guest:My parents were entertainers, and my father was a comedian and a producer.
Guest:Do I know him?
Guest:No, he was in Spanish show business.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah, in fact...
Guest:Mark, I'm a fan of yours, but I'm also a fan of what you're doing here with the podcast.
Guest:I bought all these microphones years ago, but the thing that my dad did that I think I love the most, besides the shows that he put on, is that he had a recording studio upstairs.
Guest:We had a house in Washington Heights, Manhattan.
Guest:He used to make his own ads for the Spanish radio to present his shows.
Guest:he would have me come upstairs.
Guest:And everything smelled fantastic.
Guest:It was his cigarettes and then it was like the, I don't know, the tubes, the tape, you know, the reel-to-reel.
Guest:It just smelled.
Guest:Old technology had a smell because things were, coils were burning.
Guest:Mantec, Mantec.
Guest:So...
Guest:so he yeah so he did it all he put on the shows and but he made his his ads and was just like i it was my i just love being up in that recording studio he used to have his his recording studio outside of the house he used to have like a part of actual studio but but then my mother found out that besides making uh promo ads he was also having affairs in his studio so the studio moved to the house
Marc:Mom stepped in, huh?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:That was back in the day where I guess people stuck it out.
Marc:Because this day, it's like, you know, you can take your recording studio and move to another house.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She dealt with it.
Guest:They stuck it out for 12 years.
Guest:Oh, so what I was saying is that I just, I like the attention of being on stage.
Guest:I like amusing people.
Guest:But stand up.
Guest:i mean i like telling stories and i've i've been wanting to to try to make my stuff tighter and try to write jokes but it's it's not exactly what you know they can be limited to do yeah i mean jokes can be limiting i mean especially if you want to to tell a story i mean the context of a stand-up room is that you just got to get laughs yeah and that can be frustrating if you have more to say
Guest:yeah and and i think i go up there and i mean today i did two shows and before i go before i went on i was just you know the full of self-loathing and stuff and then i went on and people were like just enjoying everything i did two different uh types of you know i did one performance art and then one stand-up and they were just you know they just really appreciate it's like what is going on here this doesn't make sense why am i beating myself up
Marc:What's that pattern?
Guest:No, no, that wasn't nice.
Guest:So why are they laughing?
Guest:Oh, come on.
Guest:You've been doing this a long time.
Guest:I'm very self-deprecating.
Guest:But that's why I love it because you're self-deprecating.
Guest:And a lot of people don't appreciate that.
Guest:And I just wish that it would really become fashionable.
Guest:Again.
Marc:It used to be.
Guest:Oh, I got skills.
Guest:No, no.
Marc:I think in the 70s, I think that, you know, when Woody Allen was around and people were like, you know, poor me.
Marc:And I think it's always been part of comedy.
Marc:I just think it's a delicate line to walk when you're self-deprecating not to be self-pitying because I just don't think self-pity is appealing at all.
Marc:But I think that, like, you know, I'm fucked and, you know, aren't we all fucked is one thing.
Marc:But, like, you know, like, you know, I'm never going to, you know, like, there's just a fine line between self-deprecation and self-pity.
Guest:Well, being a lesbian and Latin and stuff, it is definitely, there's not room for self-deprecation because the audience is just like, no, you've got to be a hero.
Guest:You've got to be strong.
Guest:You're struggling.
Guest:You're struggling.
Guest:Hermana.
Marc:Well, I find in Latin culture, I don't see a lot of that.
Marc:There's not a lot of self-pitying or there are certain cultures when I've talked to Latino comics men, there's a macho thing that doesn't really enable much self-reflection, let alone self-deprecation.
Guest:Well, I have always felt like there's a neurotic Jewish man inside me.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:Good.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, good for you.
Guest:But, yeah, my parents were very, there was not any of that.
Guest:Like, you know, they thought going to a psychiatrist was crazy.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And my dad's, well, my dad got married, well, married again, and his wife would answer the phone, Siempre Luchando.
Guest:I mean, that's how she, which means always fighting.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:Always struggling.
Guest:Keep going.
Marc:That was the first thing she'd say if someone called?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:That's a lot of pressure.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Although sometimes Latins answer the phone.
Guest:Oigo, I'm listening.
Marc:Get on with it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I don't even like what's up.
Guest:I don't like that when somebody, can't you just say hello?
Marc:Can't we start out without pressure?
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:So now did you like, did you ever struggle with being gay on stage or was that done by the time?
Guest:Mostly off stage and I struggle with it.
Yeah.
Guest:tonight i'll be struggling oh really about yeah one in the morning oh no come on baby um yes no i i did i um you know i was one of the first uh out comics and i really wasn't like outside of playing a gay club i wasn't sure how to do it in a straight in a straight club
Guest:I didn't want to make it shtick.
Guest:I didn't want to play to the stereotypes.
Guest:I never am sure who I am.
Guest:So it's very hard because I think part of having a really tight relationship
Guest:Stand-up act is to have like this define identifiable persona and they know who you are and I'm just It's almost like I'm Shrouded and foggy and I mean some nights I know exactly who I am and and then I'm a different person the other night so so being gay I mean I know that I loved like I loved women that's crazy about women and that was the only thing that I was sure of when I when I go on stage and
Guest:But when I first started out, I would get gigs for Latino organizations.
Guest:And one time I had this gig that was out in, it was in the middle of Washington State and it was part of their- That's already scary.
Guest:Like they would have had a folkloric dance troupe.
Marc:Right, sure.
Guest:But instead they decided to go with a Latina comedian.
Guest:So it was a cultural thing.
Guest:Yeah, it was for forest workers.
Yeah.
Guest:or force i don't know what they're called but rangers rangers not even i think rangers are cool no these were like for you know like angry angry old white men and then to teach them about diversity and so then i was the performers i didn't really know you know how far to go with being gay so i would i would admit it i would leave it out i wouldn't lie i wouldn't make up anything about it but it was it was a lie of it was a lie of omission did that bother you
Guest:Well, you know, not as no.
Guest:I mean, it did a little bit, but then I got paid.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And so it's like, wow, you know, I'm and yeah.
Marc:But at some point you made a career choice that like you didn't want to, you know, because I know gay comics that do not address it.
Marc:And given that there is a gay community that would support gay comedy and to not address it, I think that there is some kind of pressure within themselves that they're choosing not to be pigeonholed or only play to a certain community.
Marc:Whereas now, it seems that the support is in both markets.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:But I remember you when... It's hot.
Marc:Yeah, sure.
Guest:It's hot.
Guest:Try it.
Guest:Try it, Mark.
Marc:Do I have to?
Marc:I mean, I've come this far.
Marc:Do I have to?
Marc:You must have.
Guest:One of your crazy nights in the past.
Marc:You must have.
Marc:I'm not prepared to talk about that specifically, but maybe when I was in college.
Guest:You and Monty.
Marc:Monty Hoffman, no.
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:But I remember early on,
Marc:that you were yeah i mean i couldn't well i mean is that rude of me to say like i don't want to offend anybody but you know you were just you and me here you know you were you had long hair you did you definitely didn't identify as as gay you know in uniform when when we were younger
Guest:I had long hair then?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, I remember I had long hair.
Guest:Jeez, Mark.
Marc:What?
Guest:You have a good memory.
Marc:Well, I thought you were hot.
Marc:I thought you were hot.
Guest:So what the fuck?
Guest:I really liked your sideburns.
Marc:Yeah, I had sideburns.
Marc:You had long hair.
Guest:I wanted the sideburns.
Marc:Oh, you wanted the sideburns.
Guest:Yeah, I didn't know exactly what I wanted with you, like to be you or to be with you.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, I know.
Guest:You were so cool.
Guest:You knew how to drive.
Guest:It was great.
Guest:It would have been great.
Guest:Yeah, I don't know.
Guest:I think I, yeah, I'm not quite sure when the hair, that's true.
Guest:I did have the long hair.
Marc:But I just wondered if that, there was a conscious choice to not, like, because, you know, despite what anybody wants to think about generalizations or stereotypes, there are, you know, you know,
Marc:uniforms and physical identifiers of being part of the gay community what you're a little more there now a little more yeah i just like chopped all my hair off a couple of days ago oh this is it yeah but was there like at that time were you like you know i i don't want if i'm going to talk about it i want it to be my choice i don't want to be identified as as gay when i walk out on stage
Guest:Well, I started, I mean, the first time I did standup was at the other cafe at an open mic.
Guest:And so, yeah, I was just, I just wanted to do comedy.
Guest:And so I was, you know, I was somewhat in the closet, you know, because I, first of all, I was terrible.
Guest:You know, I was just, they put me on, like, do you remember the other?
Guest:that was before i got here the other uh it was really a great place but but in the beginning i got you know terrible spots and and they say they did that to women but they all they all they definitely did it to bad bad comics so um i went on and i i didn't even know what you know i didn't understand what stand-up was i mean i should have my dad did it but he did it in spanish so i didn't know what he was saying um do you speak spanish
Guest:No, I have a show about, it's called Long Island Ice Latina, and it's about how I can't speak Spanish, you know, culturally confused and all that.
Guest:But I guess, yeah, I mean, I did, it was weird.
Guest:I had the long hair, but I've always been very, very boyish.
Guest:I did this show about my parents, and I, you know, I act as my mom and as my dad.
Guest:And when I, my mom was a showgirl.
Guest:She was a bleach blonde, and she was gorgeous, and
Guest:and that she was just always, you know, just everything was low cut, everything.
Guest:And in the show, I play her and I totally, I do it right.
Guest:You know, I do all her sexuality and all that.
Guest:And I think doing those shows got me a little bit more confused because I'd always been kind of a, you know, a bit of a boy.
Guest:And I'll tell you, I used to dress up like, you know, my parents would go out and do shows.
Guest:And then I would be like left in the house, kind of a latch key showbiz kid.
Guest:and i go and i would never my month my mom like every other girl be nuts going over like the furs and all my mother's crazy clothes i just go and put on my dad's like plaid tuxedo you know i'd be walking around i'm a comic now so i i don't even know that i'm i just really think that men's clothes are so much more comfortable um and i always liked the girls who were more feminine so i suppose that i suppose that that was me and yet i had that long hair so
Guest:you know i was just kind of mixed up i'm really i've been really really immature i'm not going to say but you weren't mixed up with your sexual identity you were just mixed up about how you wanted to present yourself yes right wow thanks that is true that is true yeah so i was present i mean i had the i mean look there there's long-haired butches oh yeah and and there are no butcher than the long-haired butches right you know they just they're so butch they just grow that hair like they've just been chopping trees down like paul bunyan right that kind yeah yeah johnny appleseed right
Guest:So I think that's kind of what I was.
Guest:And then I then I did the L.A.
Guest:thing and I kept the long hair so that, you know, I could get one of those parts.
Marc:You know, if you had to pass, you could.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The attorney.
Guest:So I could play the attorney.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because they all have that hair.
Marc:Now, what was the first show?
Marc:Do you remember how many one person shows have you done?
Marc:Is it?
Guest:I've done eight, I think.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And what were the like, you've got one up now.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:This one I'm doing now, there's about four more.
Guest:I think I'm done with that run at the end of June, whatever.
Guest:What's it called?
Guest:It's called Marga Gomez is Proud and Bothered.
Guest:I wanted to call it Rainbow to Hell.
Guest:but the theater didn't want me to.
Marc:I think that's great.
Guest:Isn't it great?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I know.
Guest:And I can't, cause I've already changed the name once.
Marc:Rainbow to hell.
Guest:Isn't it great?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's kind of how I feel about this whole pride thing.
Marc:What does that mean?
Marc:The whole pride thing?
Marc:Well, um, are you turning on the, uh, on the community?
Um,
Guest:Oh, no, no, no, no.
Guest:I'm just turning.
Marc:Okay, well, what does pride mean when you say that?
Guest:Well, it's just, it's so commodified.
Guest:And, you know, when it first started, it was definitely, you know, it was a rebellious act, you know, back when Judy Garland died or whatever.
Guest:And then it was, you know, it was...
Guest:It was a celebration of freaks, you know?
Marc:It was necessary to define the community.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, I mean, it's still, I mean, it's necessary to, you know, champion individual freedom.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:But it's all corporate sponsorship now.
Guest:And, you know, when I first came out as the gay comic, it was people who were hungry.
Guest:And now people are kind of spoiled.
Guest:I mean, they, you know...
Guest:you know there's logo and there's ellen and there's um there's the gay marriage thing and and and and there's so many more people that came out but there's some boring people that came out too it just used to be all the hip people that came out and now there's like people was like wow you seem so straight but no really pussy okay um
Guest:and they just want to get married the boring gays are ruining it for you huh well kind of kind of so you know i just wanted you know i just want to keep it freaky and fresh and so so pride i used to this this show is about my journey as a as a gay pride emcee
Guest:and and and it begins with my first pride when I was like a 19 year old and you know practically kicked out of the house and and you know I I found shelter with the gays and the lesbians and the drag drag queens and then I became a professional homosexual and then suddenly it just you know after the years went by and
Guest:you know, and really I just was obsessed with women.
Guest:I wasn't even involved in the politics and the deeper meaning of it.
Guest:And women are terrible sometimes.
Guest:So I got into, you know, after like, after the years of being a Gay Pride MC, I wound up in New Jersey and
Guest:It just was, it's kind of when pride was turning where they don't really hire, they don't, they don't pay, they don't support gay performers.
Guest:Who doesn't?
Guest:The, the people who put on the prides, the pride parade, those people, those people.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They, they hire like every American idol runner up, every has been.
Marc:Oh, so you're saying that they're almost like they're more there.
Marc:They've become preoccupied with camp icons that can make money as opposed to members of the community.
Guest:Not even Camp Icons.
Guest:They had, was that Bare Naked Ladies?
Marc:Oh, that's interesting.
Guest:Was the band at Gay Pride last year.
Marc:Sexually ambiguous bands?
Guest:I guess.
Guest:I guess, yeah, because they got a title.
Guest:There was like, these guys aren't even like, I don't see one earring.
Guest:Are they gay or are they not?
Guest:Not one earring.
Guest:Not one earring.
Guest:So that's what happened.
Guest:Taylor Dane was the headliner.
Guest:So this show is about kind of just having a meltdown and the conflict of, yes, I totally am the person I am because I'm gay.
Guest:And it means so much more than wanting to...
Guest:To be in a relationship with a woman, it's about looking at the world in a different way and fighting and challenging authority, whatever.
Guest:So anyway, it's a comedy.
Marc:Yeah, or a challenging dogma, cultural dogma, legal dogma.
Marc:But I think that's interesting that you come into it.
Marc:uh and you get a sort of um you're taken in by the community because because of who you are but your politics were not in line with you or or or they didn't exist in terms of how because it seems to me that in my understanding of it which is not deep that that that pride as it evolved was necessary to to define the community both uh politically and and also you know uh to to give a space
Marc:for everyone to live comfortably the way they feel like living.
Marc:And that what we're seeing now is that some progress has been made, and obviously the community is very strong, but now it's profitable.
Marc:And that it's been co-opted by maybe, I'm not sure, but I mean, they're obviously gay-friendly corporations, whoever's getting involved in monetizing pride, but it could be any corporation.
Guest:yeah no it's um i i think it really went downhill when uh the uh west hollywood the gay parade in in la they made uh paris hilton the grand marshal what does that have to do with anything what does that have to do with the kids who get like you know beaten up you know in the midwest what does that have to you know it's certain people get leadership of of this movement that's marginalized forget where they come from
Guest:Right, and they pursue their own dreams, their star-fucking dreams, and they try to just get with every celebrity that they can, and they don't understand that the point of this is to pull everybody up.
Guest:They should be looking out to the smallest insignificant person who's gay and making it something that's going to transform their lives instead of just trying to go on some sort of power trip.
Marc:Right, so it's getting away from the sort of, no, I get what you're saying.
Marc:It's getting away from the Harvey Milk agenda.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And moving more into like, we're all good.
Marc:Let's just have the girls that we want on on because we love them.
Marc:Where are the divas?
Guest:Yeah, no lesbians either.
Guest:It's all fag hacks.
Marc:Right, right.
Marc:Well, I've always wondered about that, about the actual, the weird necessity of lesbian culture to be aligned with gay male culture.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It ought to work.
Guest:It should work.
Marc:Well, I never saw it.
Marc:I never understood how it should work.
Guest:We are below the fag hacks.
Guest:I'm jealous.
Guest:I'm jealous of the fag hacks.
Guest:First of all, when I was a little ragamuffin baby dyke and I go to the clubs with my gay guys who worked in a plant store and went to the club.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I would always try to go up to these really pretty women and ask them to dance.
Guest:And they'd always say no.
Guest:And it's like, what?
Guest:And because they were straight.
Guest:I didn't realize.
Guest:I thought, wow, those are really pretty lesbians.
Guest:What are they doing here?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:So I think fag hacks should at least put out to lesbians.
Guest:And then I don't mind.
Guest:But if they're not going to put out, and then the gay guys are going to book all these straight lady singers and Jennifer Hudson and whatnot.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then we're just the ones on the bottom just driving the floats.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's not okay.
Guest:That's not okay.
Guest:We have a dyke march here in San Francisco.
Guest:Why do you think that is?
Guest:It's not a parade.
Guest:It's a march.
Guest:Don't you see?
Guest:It's just not as fun.
Guest:But is that the gay guy's fault?
Guest:No, they're not even allowed in our march.
Guest:They can only stand to the side and just be jealous.
Marc:Well, but it just seems like the glamour of male homosexuality and what it drives in culture, you know, on the level of fashion and everything else is just different than the cultural priorities of the lesbian community.
Marc:Is it not?
Marc:Well, I mean, I don't mean to be too.
Marc:I'm not trying to over intellectualize.
Marc:But I mean, if you were to if there was glamour within the lesbian community, if you were to separate them, if.
Marc:Oh, if you were to separate them, what is it?
Guest:What would you like to see happen?
Guest:Look at these shirts.
Guest:These are boyfriend shorts from the gap.
Guest:And I roll them up perfectly.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:Well, that's specific.
Guest:No, Mark, let me tell you.
Guest:It's not even about the gay men and lesbians.
Guest:It's about class now.
Guest:And the gay community has broken up into the rich community.
Guest:And the poor.
Guest:And my fans are all poor.
Guest:And they can't afford to pay for a ticket.
Guest:They're always like, I saw you at that street fair.
Guest:Yay.
Guest:Great.
Guest:You're the best comedian in the world.
Guest:I saw you on YouTube.
Guest:Thank you, fan.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Well, that's interesting.
Marc:So you're saying that in a bigger sense, the lesbian community is not as up in the hierarchy on a status or business level?
Guest:Well, you know, I haven't taken the census yet.
Guest:I know, but I'm just trying to generalize.
Guest:But I think that, yeah, to me, I mean, it seems like, yes, there are men who are connected, very well connected.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:And, you know, they look out for each other and for the things they think are cool.
Guest:Now, I just did a show.
Guest:One of the shows I did today was like, wow, all these, you know, rich guys.
Guest:I mean, they're so rich.
Guest:Like they have, you know, and like I go hang out, you know, like their apartment is like, oh, my God, they got all this stuff.
Guest:I have nothing.
Guest:But there's like all these lesbians who are now, they're very famous.
Guest:There's a lot of hot lesbians.
Guest:You know, Jenny Shimizu.
Guest:I mean, there's like this whole clique.
Guest:And it's large.
Guest:Is it new?
Guest:It's kind of been developing for a while.
Guest:You know Madonna got the girls going.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:But, you know, like out of L.A.
Guest:and San Francisco.
Guest:And if you I mean, there's clubs I could take you guys to.
Guest:And you just see like all these hot lesbians.
Guest:And they're actually like way.
Guest:I mean, they're way more fashionable than than a lot of the young straight girls going on.
Guest:I mean, it's almost like lesbians have made a decision not to look at all like the older lesbians.
Guest:So they are, you know, I mean, they're just very, very current and they're ahead of the trend.
Marc:Do you think that this class issue you're speaking to is about, like, not only is it hard for women in a general sense, but for gay women it's even harder?
Marc:You mean to... Jobs, you know, integrating into, you know, social situations?
Marc:I mean, just from experience?
Guest:I mean... Well, I think it... Yeah, I mean, you have to be a certain kind of person to make it in the corporate world.
Guest:And, you know, the lesbians that I came around and stuff, we were...
Guest:I mean, yeah, they would have to be more blue collar, have more blue collar skills, you know, work with their hands or know how to do computers or something.
Guest:But the ones who move up the corporate ladder, I think, know how to play the game and know how to, you know, have the look and then they do well.
Guest:But there's I mean, there's just so many more of them.
Guest:I mean, I just, you know.
Marc:So how's your anti-pride campaign going?
Yeah.
Guest:Well, my show actually ends with a gay rage parade and I set fire to the New York Heritage of Pride.
Guest:But I don't mean like anything again.
Guest:Because, you know, it's really for the children.
Guest:Yeah, sure, of course.
Guest:It's like their Christmas.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And it means even like...
Guest:even for me like I've been on a couple of those logo comedy shows and I mean my shit got edited and it's like oh geez I don't even know like did they even like care about what you know they just chopped it up and whatever but every now and then you know just be like I'll have all these young fans and and and they tell me like what they're going through and it's like oh my god that's horrifying and
Guest:And like they'll see something on TV and it means so much to them.
Guest:And I'm always mad because I don't really get on TV that much.
Guest:So it's like, I wish you would just go to live shows.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Don't cut out the message.
Marc:So I think it's a beautiful sentiment that you believe that what pride stood for and should stand for is that there's a safe place for people that are feeling victimized because of their sexuality.
Marc:And if the community isn't representing that, then they're missing the point of what pride was supposed to be.
Guest:I mean, I think it's like, I'm not anti-pride.
Guest:No, I get it.
Guest:I get it.
Guest:No, no, but I think I want to get it back.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I want to get it back.
Guest:Because, I mean, people always compare the gay movement to the black movement.
Guest:But you would never see Conan O'Brien hosting the Essence Awards.
Guest:No.
Guest:But yet, you know, GLAAD Awards.
Marc:I'd like to see that.
Yeah.
Marc:but I don't think we will.
Guest:But meanwhile, we have these awards, like GLAAD Awards, gay media awards, and they just give awards to Jennifer Aniston because she kissed a woman in that movie with Marky Mark, Rockstar, that you get an award for that?
Guest:I'd want her to do lesbian porn to get an award.
Marc:I understand.
Marc:I would, too.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I just we're we're just so we just got to think better of ourselves.
Guest:We got to just.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I think those are I think those are our political motivations that that's about, you know, integrating into the culture of celebrity and into the culture of the mainstream without really taking into what you're saying is that they're neglecting the people that really need to know that the community is a community.
Guest:that welcomes everyone and certainly would reach out to those people who were being victimized or in in a difficult situation yeah or alone now i mean it's not like i want to do like game you know yeah no because we're in we're sort of in this um phase now where there's there's almost like it's almost accepted now in the entertainment industry and there's
Guest:I mean, there's so many more high-profile out people that it's not as much of an issue.
Guest:And so it's kind of like there's only so much material you can do about being oppressed or being denied.
Guest:I mean, issues come up, but there's other things to talk about.
Guest:So, you know, I mean, I kind of do.
Guest:I see there's a lot of gay comics.
Guest:It's like, you know, I can maybe start talking about other things.
Guest:Then maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated.
Right.
Marc:Well, I understand that, but I think your heart's in the right place.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Someone's got to stay, you know, stay at the front.
Marc:You got to fight the fight.
Guest:Oh, no, I'm not fighting any fight.
Guest:You know, I just really want to, you know, I just represent myself.
Guest:I mean, I think, you know, it's what you do and the fact that I'm
Guest:that I'm gay, it's just part of my relationship.
Guest:Because I talk about lust and frustration a lot, and so I talk about my girlfriend and relationships.
Guest:Because I kind of live like, I'm a little bit like a bit of a hermit, so I don't even know what's going on half the time.
Guest:And I know the gay people want to get married, but I don't want to get married.
Guest:I know they're having a lot of children, but I don't really want children around.
Guest:I don't really want them at this.
Guest:I mean, all the prizes, all the children, you can't even say anything sexy anymore.
Guest:It's terrible.
Guest:But yeah, I just want to, you know, I mean, I'm kind of just glad that there's so many more gay comedians and that it's kind of, we're just going to kind of beat this horse to death.
Guest:That's not a good thing to do.
Guest:So I'm not sure what animal would be good to beat to death.
Guest:Horses should not be beaten.
Guest:But that, you know, you just get up there and then it's not a big deal.
Guest:I think it's maybe five more years and you won't even be able to be a gay comic.
Marc:Or define yourself.
Guest:Or have a career based on that.
Marc:But you're keeping it pretty personal.
Marc:I'm personal.
Guest:That's it.
Marc:It's a human experience.
Marc:It's not a gay experience.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I think I'm just getting more freaked out.
Guest:And I'm broke.
Guest:And I think that's really what I'm going to be focusing on more in my act.
Marc:Tell me this story.
Guest:I wasn't always broke.
Guest:I squandered it.
Marc:It happens.
Guest:It comes and goes.
Guest:Oh, will it come again?
Marc:Sure.
Guest:All right.
Guest:I'm going to be smarter this time.
Marc:Yeah, it'll come again.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So now I heard you mention something as I was walking out of the radio station.
Marc:I want to hear the story about the married lady.
Marc:I can't let you go without hearing the story about the married lady.
Marc:Didn't you have an affair with a married woman?
Guest:That was, yes, a couple of times, a couple of times.
Guest:You know, and I really, I'm such, I feel like I'm such a faithful person, like I don't cheat.
Guest:Like it's been years and years and years since I cheated.
Guest:Like, you know, like that doesn't count in your 20s.
Guest:It doesn't count, you know?
Guest:Something you have to go through.
Guest:Yeah, but you know, since like 30 on, never cheated, totally believe in keeping a promise to somebody.
Guest:But if other people wanted to cheat,
Guest:with me you know and i was single i felt that that was okay but it's not is it it's not it it gets messy yeah it's not as bad as what they're doing that's right no it it it isn't okay really well this lady she was dangerous too oh yeah emotionally and possibly physically and hot hot yeah um
Guest:But she was actually separated.
Marc:Sure, that's what they always say.
Guest:And she was the volunteer.
Guest:This is basically the story of the show.
Guest:She was the volunteer that picked me up at the train station to go do New Jersey Pride.
Guest:And I thought she was gay.
Guest:In fact, I thought she was super gay.
Guest:She looked really sporty, like she had just come off a rugby match.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Guest:which is weird because i know i told you i like uh femi girls but she was pretty too yeah she's like she's a little she's a little sporty housewife we'll see you know we'll see what happens but then i saw there was like kitty toys and stuff it's like oh she's she's you know she's got a kid and she's got a girlfriend and stuff and then turned out no she was single she and um she didn't tell me she had a oh yeah she didn't tell me she had a husband she told me she was a stripper she'd been a former stripper oh yeah
Guest:so basically for that whole that that whole day i was totally like focused on her and i was being a terrible mc you know it's just like i was like where is she oh yeah and then um and then when she gave me a ride home of course we you know planned to meet the next day it was tito puente's funeral and my i had met him he worked with my dad and i wanted to go to his fear i mean it was impossible to get in there were so many people but she wanted to go on a date with me tito puente
Guest:or this slut.
Guest:And I was like, I'm gonna try to do both.
Guest:So it's like, I'll meet you at this place, then we'll go to Central Park with your kid, but I'll try to go to Tito Puente's funeral as well.
Guest:And there were so many Latinos there, and it was like a big, you couldn't get in.
Guest:So I kind of just stood outside the church and saw people, bad mouth, Geraldo Rivera.
Guest:And then I went to meet her that night, and then we wound up, you know, just doing stupid stuff.
Guest:And she had...
Marc:Stupid hot stuff?
Guest:Stupid.
Guest:Hardly.
Guest:She told me she was a stripper.
Guest:She told me she could make her asshole wink.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And none of that.
Guest:I think we had like a little bit of sex like the first night.
Guest:But her daughter was there.
Guest:They were in my apartment.
Guest:And the daughter slept.
Guest:We kind of fooled around a little bit.
Guest:But then after that, I'd go to her house, and then she was always kind of just, she would string me along, like in her house.
Guest:Sure, sure.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:She was manic.
Guest:She wasn't manic-depressive.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She was just manic.
Guest:Hypermanic.
Guest:She had mania.
Marc:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:She had mania.
Marc:So doing a lot of things.
Guest:Yeah, so she told me.
Guest:Flitting around.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:So she'd suddenly want to pull her guitar out and play Tracy Chapman.
Guest:Anything but sex.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:So I think we were going to have sex, and then something else would come up.
Guest:then you're hearing tracy chapman and then her husband started coming around and so so basically what happened um is that she um i was doing a show and i was still like kind of you know in love with her a month had gone by not much sex but thought it would still work out and she did not come to the show that i was doing um she said she was coming she was so proud i've been working on the show she told me that her daughter was in the hospital in the emergency room with a fever
Guest:and that whole night I couldn't sleep and I kept trying to call her to find out what was going on I just kept getting her voicemail and it turned out that her daughter was not in the hospital and she got back with her husband and she just kept screening my calls until I figured out that she could see my cell phone so then I just used a different number and she was on the beach I could hear the waves and I said uh
Guest:it's me and she goes hang on a second then she hung up on me and and that was it that was the last not really the last i heard of her but that was the end of that affair so um so that's kind of in in the story i i i make it a little bit you know yeah i i kind of take some liberties with it to to make it more and what's what into the
Marc:What's the underlying thrust of it?
Marc:Were you emotionally hurt?
Marc:Did you find that when you deal with people that are half straight, that it's an emotional risk for you?
Marc:I mean, is that something you find yourself in?
Guest:No, I'm good at that.
Guest:But no.
Guest:Gee, I don't know.
Guest:I have really had a string of straight, quasi-criminal ladies.
Guest:Now I've been in a relationship for almost five years.
Guest:So everything's finally gone.
Guest:Yes, I've settled down.
Guest:But back then, it was for some reason.
Guest:I was living in New York, so you know there's that criminal element.
Guest:Really pretty criminals.
Guest:They're here too, I think.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, I just... I was so stupid.
Guest:I was so stupid.
Guest:I think I... You know, it's because I was... I was... It was just a dumb little kid who didn't get enough love.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I always went after the kind of girl who was kind of, you know...
Guest:to just be ridiculously like my mom, showgirl.
Guest:I always went for somebody who rejected me.
Guest:I mean, I think that was my plan.
Guest:So when she dumped me, I kept calling, and that's what you're not supposed to do.
Guest:So I had to make big signs, and I pasted them all over my apartment, like signs that would say, wait a sec, which is the last thing she said.
Guest:You know, signs that said, you know,
Guest:Coke had, because she was actually, you know, still on Coke.
Guest:She said she was clean, but she wasn't.
Guest:And just like all bad things that she had said and done to me.
Guest:So then there was just everywhere I looked, there were messages.
Guest:And then my friends came over and sat with me to, you know, it takes about like one week of having somebody watch over you.
Guest:What do they call that?
Guest:Suicide watch.
Marc:Well, for you, it was like obsessive.
Marc:You didn't want to because it's so easy to cross the line when you're following that type of obsessive emotional pattern to not become crazy stalker person.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Like to not be seen that way, you know, because all of a sudden.
Guest:It's not stalking if you just call, is it?
Marc:No, it's not stalking.
Marc:But like when you're doing that, because I've been there, too, and it's been done to me.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Marc:uh that that all of a sudden you don't realize it's not the old days anymore if you call someone 20 times in an hour it's all right there oh my god that's happened to me that yeah i didn't know how cell phones worked yeah so so like they can it's like they can literally go you want to see what i'm going through that's 20 times in an hour yeah so so yeah it's just it's almost like a map of your obsession
Marc:Or your need to connect.
Marc:And it's so easy for people who are on the other side of that to dismiss you as like, crazy, crazy.
Marc:Not that posting signs all over your apartment have friends over it.
Marc:That's not crazy.
Marc:That's good help.
Guest:The signs really help.
Guest:And you know what has made me into an incredible advisor for people who are having breakup problems?
Guest:Because I'm the one who always says, delete the number.
Guest:Delete it.
Guest:Never call them.
Guest:I mean, I'm very fast.
Marc:And you learn the hard way.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And so I just, you know, yeah, the main thing you don't do is ever call them because, you know, all you ever want is to just to tell them that that wasn't fair.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Sure.
Guest:I just want an explanation.
Marc:Right.
Guest:But there's no explanation.
Marc:But, you know, sometimes when you're because I do the same thing, too.
Marc:I mean, I've been attracted to people that were distant and, you know, there's it's hard to to really sort of make the argument from having that emotional wiring to saying, like, you just want closure, but you also want to engage.
Guest:oh like maybe like once more yeah but you but but any engagement is engagement hey there's well there's part of you that's sort of like you know i'll settle for anything you just talk you know talk to me yeah yeah no i think i am also like hoping for just one more yeah you know just one more you know yeah i was kind of freshen up a little bit have that last cup of coffee just in case just in case i don't see you again yeah yeah
Marc:Well, it was great talking to you, Marga, and I'm so glad you told me that story, and I'm glad you're doing well.
Marc:You seem well.
Guest:Oh, thanks, Mark.
Guest:You know, I have a really wonderful person that has kind of just settled me down, and I take every day as it comes, and I really feel like I've been very blessed.
Guest:Good.
Guest:I don't think my career is as phenomenal as I thought it was going to be.
Marc:Whose is?
Guest:Yeah, but there's always somebody who's doing worse.
Marc:And also you're doing work that you like.
Marc:I mean, you can't forget that.
Guest:I love.
Marc:Yeah, and that does mean a lot.
Marc:And it's probably the most important thing.
Marc:But when we get hung up in that comparing ourselves to other people, then we start to look at ourselves differently.
Marc:But I mean, after a certain age and after a certain point when you've been doing something long enough, I had this conversation with a couple of other people where it's like, I'm doing what I want to do.
Marc:And that really is an amazing thing.
Guest:I'm way happier than I was 10, 20 years ago.
Marc:Most people don't even get to do that.
Guest:Yeah, I know.
Marc:Well, I'm glad you're doing well.
Marc:Is there someplace?
Marc:Do you have a website?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I just had it like redone and everything.
Guest:Oh, a refreshed website.
Guest:What is it?
Guest:Markagomez.com.
Marc:That's M-A-R-G-A-G-O-M-E-Z.com.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:It was lovely seeing you.
Guest:Same here, Mark.
Marc:So now I'm walking around in these pants.
Marc:They're wet.
Marc:What if I get like a rash?
Marc:I mean, you're not supposed to walk around in wet pants.
Marc:I'm just gonna put my sandals on.
Marc:I gotta go out in the garage and mail t-shirts to you guys.
Marc:So now I'm tripping all over the house.
Marc:I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Marc:Wear these outside?
Marc:All right, the saga of the pants will continue.
Marc:I hope you enjoyed Marga Gomez.
Marc:And please go to WTFPod.com for your JustCoffee.coop fix or check in with StandUpRecords.com or PunchlineMagazine.com.
Marc:There's a lot of options.
Marc:Get on the mailing list because I'm putting a lot of work into that too.
Marc:And, oh, why did I do this at night?
Marc:I'm going to be cold.
Marc:Oh, my feet are farting.
Marc:Listen.
Guest:That's my sandals.
Guest:I drowned my penis and now my feet are farting.
Marc:This has been an amazing show.
Marc:I'll talk to you guys later.
Marc:I'll let you know what happens with the pants.