WTF Uncovered - Maria Bamford
Marc:Okay, let's do this.
Marc:It's another episode of WTF Uncovered, which is things that my producer, Brendan McDonald, found in a box underneath his bed.
Marc:There's going to be a few different things.
Marc:Like next week, we're going to do an uncovered, which is basically it is an actual WTF interview that never aired due to circumstances.
Marc:I will explain on the show.
Marc:But today's uncovered is a little bit like the last one.
Marc:Last Friday's.
Marc:It's a lot like it.
Marc:These are these are segments from another unaired pilot episode for the Mark Maron show, a radio show we did on KTLA in 2006.
Marc:These were done for the GM of the radio station to get our spot, which we already had, I think, in retrospect.
Marc:I think he was just making us jump through hoops because he hated the idea that he would give me a show.
Marc:But there was some sort of deal made that was above him, and it was going to happen anyways.
Marc:But these were...
Marc:This is the second of two pilots that we did for the Marc Maron Show.
Marc:Now, on this one, you will hear, again, Jim Earl is my sidekick, the wonderful and cranky Jim Earl.
Marc:And the guest was actually Maria Bamford.
Marc:Now, this is 2006.
Marc:This is a while ago.
Marc:And it's earlier Maria, but still perfectly and beautifully Maria.
Marc:And this was also the first time we used Eddie Pepitone.
Marc:who some of you may know.
Marc:We used him as an investigative reporter.
Marc:He did an investigative reporter segment.
Marc:This was radio.
Marc:We did segments.
Marc:We did funny things.
Marc:So enjoy this.
Marc:Enjoy this WTF Uncovered with Jim Earl, Maria Bamford, and the amazing Eddie Pepitone from 2006.
Guest:Live from Burbank, California, home of Eve Plum, the only Brady who likes sex, it's the Marc Maron Show!
Guest:And now a man who sleeps in Grover Cleveland's bathtub, Marc Maron!
Guest:Good evening, geniuses, philosopher kings and queens, working class heroes, progressive utopians with no sense of humor, lurking conservatives.
Guest:I'm Mark Maron.
Guest:Thank you, little Jimmy Earl, for the lovely introduction.
Guest:Oh, you're welcome.
Guest:Yeah, I'm very excited about tonight's show.
Marc:Very excited.
Marc:It's been a big day out there.
Marc:Here's some real news, Jim.
Marc:Here's some local news.
Marc:Ralph's supermarket chain has been nailed by federal prosecutors with more than 50 criminal charges, including identity fraud, money laundering, and obstruction of justice.
Marc:Now, I don't know if you were here, but I was here.
Marc:It was before I moved to New York and then came back.
Marc:There was a big strike.
Marc:where 60,000 union clerks walked off the job.
Marc:I mean, I had a shop at Vaughn's.
Marc:It was horrible, all right?
Marc:Apparently, Ralphs illegally rehired some of those striking workers, all right?
Marc:See, what happens is when there's a lockout, the supermarket chain says, we don't need these workers.
Marc:You know, we're in dispute with the union.
Marc:They're out.
Marc:But what Ralphs did is they paid, they illegally rehired some of those striking workers.
Marc:They paid them with checks using fake names and fake social security numbers and had the workers cash the checks at the stores.
Marc:Now, the Kroger company that owns Ralph's has, of course, laid the blame on the few store managers, the bad apples, the old corporate bad apples, just a few bad apples, thus trying to avoid the corporate level responsibility.
Marc:But there's more to this story.
Marc:And with a little help from our investigative reporter, Eddie Pepitone, who's been on the scene all day at the courthouse.
Marc:What can you tell us today, Eddie?
Marc:Thanks, Mark.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Hey, what the hell is this?
Guest:I shop at Ralph's, Vaughn's, and Albertson's.
Guest:I come to find out they are owned by the same company.
Guest:Hey, how about calling it one name?
Guest:How about Ralph's, huh?
Guest:This way I don't get confused.
Guest:All right?
Guest:So Ralph's, Vaughn's, and Albertson's rehired locked out workers.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So they lock these guys out, then illegally rehire them.
Guest:Here's an idea.
Guest:Don't fire them in the first place.
Guest:If you're going to lock someone out, lock them out, all right?
Guest:My wife locks me out frequently because she says I can't feel my feelings, which I dispute because she pisses me off, all right?
Guest:And anyway, we have three entrances to the house, and when she locks me out, they are all inaccessible.
Guest:It doesn't matter how cold it is or if I'm feeling woozy from having some beverages and I shouldn't be driving or if I'm pleading with her that I will change.
Guest:All right.
Guest:When she locks me out, that house is impenetrable.
Guest:I don't know how she does it.
Guest:I think she's getting a little on the side from her locksmith.
Guest:But my keys do not work.
Guest:I repeat, my keys do not work.
Guest:So why does Ralph's let people back in after locking them out?
Guest:Is a major corporate supermarket conglomerate transnational corporation more compassionate than my wife?
Guest:Does a company without...
Guest:Our sets in the many, many millions have more mercy than my wife, who, by the way, would have died if I didn't give up blood back in 88.
Guest:But that's another story involving an accident with cities.
Guest:So my wife doesn't have the concern of a Kroger's Ralph Barnes or Albertson's.
Guest:Is that what you're telling me?
Guest:That my wife?
Guest:What do you mean, cool off?
Guest:I don't have to sit down.
Marc:Jim, just get him out of here.
Guest:Don't touch me.
Guest:I'm in a row.
Guest:Get out of here.
Guest:I'm on a row.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Look.
Marc:Just cool off, Eddie.
Guest:All right.
Marc:We'll finish it later.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, we'll get the rest of that story in just a little while when Eddie cools off a little bit.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:Speaking of anger, I don't want to change the tune here too much, but here's something interesting.
Marc:A woman in Santa Barbara went into a mail processing plant where she used to work, a postal employer, and
Marc:employee a postal employee in Santa Barbara went in there and shot six co-workers the last one dying this morning it's a sad story but I think it's interesting when I'm reading the copy here that it says this is believed to be the deadliest workplace shooting by a woman so another great milestone has been met by by a woman taking it to the next level Jim taking it to the next level in the in the psychotic killing rampage in post offices and
Marc:It never ends.
Marc:I think that's why they think it is.
Marc:You can understand that.
Marc:It's sort of like cops.
Marc:It's sort of like people.
Marc:It's like dentists apparently have a very high snapping rate.
Marc:It's because every day, dentists look into that mouth and see nothing but rot, and there's no stopping it, all right?
Marc:Every day, cops go out, and they try to stop crime.
Marc:They know in their hearts it's never going to stop.
Marc:And postal workers, they sit on that line, and they know that there's always going to be another letter to another place.
Marc:And now I'm starting to turn into Eddie.
Marc:Play us out, will you, Jim?
Marc:Play us out.
Guest:Turn your volume up cause you're listening to Mark Maron's show.
Guest:Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Guest:Mark Maron's show forever.
Guest:Wait, wait, I got the wrong chord.
Guest:Can we, can we do this?
Guest:Mark Maron's show forever.
Guest:And now, back to my recently discovered biological father, Mark Maron!
Marc:Right now, we've got a phone call here.
Marc:Who's on the phone there?
Marc:Can we take this call?
Guest:Oh, okay.
Guest:All right, Eddie.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:Thank you, Eddie.
Marc:Thank you, Eddie.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:That was, of course, our investigative reporter, Eddie Pepitone, with I guess you'd call that a follow-up on the story that the Ralph supermarket chain is being nailed by federal prosecutors with 50 criminal charges.
Marc:Thank you, Eddie.
Marc:We'll check back in as new stories unfold with Eddie Pepitone.
Marc:I'm very excited to have our guest here in the studio.
Marc:She's one of my favorite comedians.
Marc:She can also be seen on the show on Comedy Central, the Comedians of Comedy.
Marc:She's on the Comedians of Comedy tour that's going to be doing another leg.
Marc:Our guest is Maria Bamford.
Marc:Thank you for coming.
Guest:Thank you very much for having me on, Mark.
Marc:So, wait.
Marc:And this is Jim.
Marc:You can say hi to Jim.
Guest:Hi, Jim.
Guest:Hi, Maria.
Marc:Say it again, Jim.
Guest:Hi, Maria.
Guest:How you doing?
Guest:Thanks for putting the mic on.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Jesus Christ.
Marc:You were so funny the other night.
Marc:We did a small club here in Los Angeles.
Marc:I think it was called The Small Place on Top of the Other Place.
Marc:What was that called?
Guest:I think it's called Room Portem.
Marc:They do like a secret bi-monthly show, maybe.
Marc:But it was great.
Marc:And you did this thing that... I'm not going to lead you into one of your bits or anything, but...
Marc:But what was that thing?
Marc:I think you were just working on it, the Hollywood self and the real self.
Guest:Once you start living in L.A.
Guest:for a while, you have this part of yourself that changes into Hollywood.
Guest:So I was talking to myself over the holidays like, God, maybe I should do something to help other people.
Guest:Should I be doing more stuff?
Guest:Hey, Maria, you know what I do is I make people laugh.
Guest:That is the greatest gift to give to others.
Guest:But what if I just kind of like, I mean, just one thing, like I went to like volunteer in a soup kitchen.
Guest:Sounds like somebody needs a bubble bath.
Guest:That's funny.
Marc:Because I find that about, I beat the hell out of myself about stuff like that.
Marc:And that's just exactly how you rationalize it.
Marc:Like, but wait, I did do that one thing a long time ago.
Marc:So now I'm glad we caught you because you're going away for eight weeks.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Eight weeks.
Marc:You're not going to come home at all?
Guest:Well, I'll come back between Philadelphia and Minneapolis just for one night.
Marc:What do you bring with you when you go?
Marc:Do you have some weird thing?
Marc:I don't know what exactly I'm asking for, but sometimes when I go on the road, do you bring a little stereo with you?
Marc:Do you have weird comfort things that make you feel like you're at home anyways?
Marc:Oh, that's a good question.
Marc:Do you have weird habits on the road?
Guest:I bring, I bring some like, like, you know how people make vision boards or whatever?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Whatever.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like I make one that's kind of like a smaller size for my calendar.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I just look at the images that resonate with me when I'm away from home.
Guest:That's very nice.
Guest:So, Jim, did you do that?
Guest:What's a vision board?
Guest:A vision board is when you, let's just take a set of magazines, you know, a set of some magazines, maybe something you wouldn't normally read, like Forestry Today or something.
Guest:Go through there, just cut out words and pictures that kind of just make you feel something, whether it's happy or concerned or whatever.
Guest:Then you glue it, take a little paste, and glue it on a piece of poster board in any way you want.
Guest:Just let it go.
Guest:That's your vision.
Guest:Crazy.
Marc:Where the hell did those come from?
Marc:I've seen those before.
Marc:Where did that originate, the vision board?
Marc:Because you know when you go to someone you don't really know's house and you kind of look in the bedroom and there's one of those on the wall and you don't know at what point in their life they made it or what it meant to them?
Marc:I've had that happen many times.
Marc:Like the weird inner sanctum of someone's desk area.
Marc:Like I bet you if you walked around here at Queer Channel, some of the cubicles, there's a couple vision boards somewhere in here.
Marc:Oh, for sure.
Guest:Well, I think it was maybe initially like a marketing, like a salesman kind of tool to pump yourself up.
Guest:Like you go, oh, I'm going to put this Maserati in my refrigerator so I can get pumped to sell stuff.
Guest:But then now it's become a new age thing of like, I don't have to sell anything.
Guest:I don't even have to work.
Guest:And this stuff just comes to me.
Guest:I'll be at this is a lesser goal than a Maserati.
Guest:But
Guest:Tell you a little miracle.
Guest:I put a little cutout picture of a microwave on my vision board a couple years back.
Guest:And I thought, there's no way I could ever have a microwave.
Guest:Well, my sister was visiting from Minnesota, and she saw my vision board, and she said, oh, Jesus Christ, that's pathetic.
Guest:And she sent me her microwave.
Yeah.
Marc:See that?
Marc:It's magic.
Marc:It's magic.
Guest:See how it's magic?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:How's your mom?
Guest:She's very good.
Guest:She's good.
Guest:She wants my boyfriend to ask me to marry him.
Marc:The Australian guy?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She's just, listen, that guy's got a fisher cut bait.
Guest:Mom, we've been dating for nine months.
Guest:I think he has a little bit more time.
Guest:You know, we've been enjoying getting to know each other.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Honey, move on.
Guest:Move on.
Yeah.
Marc:But she likes him, huh?
Guest:She likes him, but she's like... I think she just has an idea.
Guest:My parents, when they got... She just cried on the phone once, and then my dad flew to ask her to marry him.
Guest:It was more of a... A bullying.
Guest:She coerced him?
Guest:Yeah, she coerced him with emotional manipulation.
Guest:But yeah, I don't know why... But she seems more like, oh, marriage should happen right away.
Guest:My sister got engaged within six months of dating her boyfriend.
Guest:Maybe she put it on a vision board.
Guest:Your boyfriend's Australian?
Guest:He's Australian.
Guest:That's a long distance relationship.
Guest:It certainly is.
Guest:And we have been dating for nine months, as I said.
Guest:And three months I went over there so we get to know each other.
Guest:Now he's come here for three months where we've gotten to know each other.
Guest:And I'm going to go there for another month to work.
Guest:I've done a lot of work in Australia because I can't get much work in the U.S.
Guest:because my my comedy has been farmed out to a family in Mumbai who is doing it faster and more efficiently.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And with a really good attitude.
Marc:And with less fear?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They're nice people.
Marc:That's the hardest part.
Marc:Is that true?
Marc:Because I think you're such a unique talent, and I can't imagine that you have trouble booking yourself in this country.
Marc:Is that really true?
Guest:Well, I think it's just different, because in other countries, they have festival atmospheres, which is what I love.
Marc:And they also appreciate unique people.
Guest:Right.
Marc:They don't need people just to reaffirm their stupid lives.
Guest:Well, there you go.
Marc:Well, I think a lot of American comedy clubs, if people, you know, it's a, it's a rare type of comedy audience.
Marc:I think there is some of that developing now with some of the younger cats is that most audiences are like, they want to be like, ah, they're making me laugh at me as opposed to like, that's weird.
Marc:She's weird.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Right, right.
Guest:Well, I was reading about Tom Lehrer, the political songwriter.
Marc:The singer, yeah.
Marc:Singer-songwriter guy.
Guest:And he had said that one of the reasons he stopped performing in 1960 was that he was preaching to the choir.
Guest:It was like everyone who came to see him was somebody who had the same viewpoint as he did, so he didn't feel like it was as valuable.
Marc:There's nothing more contemptible than the choir.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Because if you have, the sad thing about the choir, and this has got to be true with Tom Ware, is that you'll get to a certain point where if you have any self-hatred in you, they will pay.
Marc:Because it's like, how can you like me?
Marc:I don't like me.
Marc:You guys are idiots.
Guest:that yeah that's true so let's talk about australia you're going to australia okay i've been to australia yeah but but you are popular in australia well it's among certain people i mean it's just like the u.s it's just but they have a big festival circuit where you can make very good money performing at these festivals and you perform in theaters you don't perform in a comedy club where people are eating stuff and and uh you know uh you know what i'm saying or free passes but
Marc:I was in Australia.
Marc:Here's what happened to me.
Marc:And I'm only sharing this.
Marc:You've been there before, so it's not going to frighten you.
Marc:I had been doing comedy about three years.
Marc:I had maybe 25, 30 minutes of material.
Marc:Some guy sees me in New York.
Marc:He was booking a big club.
Marc:I think it was called The Last Laugh in Melbourne.
Marc:I don't know if it's still there anymore.
Marc:He comes to the improv in New York City and says, would you like to headline in Australia for five weeks?
Marc:And I'm like, I know in my heart that I can't do the time.
Marc:But when you're in that position, you're like...
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:Yeah, I can do it.
Marc:Yeah, I'm going to come headline for five weeks in Australia.
Marc:And over a series of time, I went there and right off the bat, driving on the wrong side of the road, I started to lose my confidence.
Marc:Like, oh, no, it's weird here.
Marc:You know, and then...
Marc:And then I saw the kangaroos.
Marc:I'm like, wow, I'm really far away from anybody.
Marc:And like when you call on the phone, it's tomorrow.
Marc:And it was a problem because I couldn't panic with friends.
Marc:And then I go to a talk show and it's like the Letterman show and it's not Letterman.
Marc:And again, the desk is driving on the wrong side of the road.
Marc:Like it's on, you know, it's the Steve Visard show or somebody.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:So I'm just, it's starting to disintegrate.
Marc:Everything's falling apart.
Marc:And then the first night,
Marc:Here's the lineup.
Marc:It's a host who's a comic, and then this burlesque act, these two women with wigs and an accordion, okay?
Marc:Then the next act's a guy who escapes from a straitjacket on stilts, all right?
Marc:That's his closer, all right?
Marc:And then they're like, and now Marc Maron, and I'm in Australia, and it's ridiculous.
Marc:And of course, they're like, stilts, that guy's a genius.
Marc:And I get up there, and I just felt myself shredding inside, like, I can't do this.
Marc:I don't have the time.
Marc:What am I going to do?
Marc:And as each night went by, we built towards the weekend.
Marc:I was starting to come around a little bit, but it was kind of weird.
Marc:And the Saturday night, the place is packed.
Marc:Like 400 people are in the room.
Marc:They just got done.
Marc:And they had an intermission after the guy on sticks.
Guest:Yeah, that's another thing.
Guest:Comedy shows, they have intermissions.
Marc:Right?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So I go up there and right out of the gate, an American, a guy with an American accent goes, where'd you get that jacket?
Marc:Like in a room full of 400 people.
Marc:And literally, for some reason, you know how some nights are so bad, you don't know why, but you somehow literally leave your body and watch yourself do your act to no response.
Marc:It was the worst thing.
Marc:All I could hear were the embers of my cigarette burning.
Marc:And I was just watching myself.
Marc:I'm in front of 400 people sitting there going, oh, man, there's nothing I can do to help you because I'd shut down.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then it was just awful because I got off stage and it was that weird baptism and failure where you're like almost relieved.
Marc:And then the guy sits me down the next day, takes me out to coffee and he says, this isn't working out.
Marc:You know, maybe I'll pay you for three weeks and we'll call it my mistake and you go on home and that's all, you know.
Marc:And I'm like, yes.
Marc:And I'm like, really?
Marc:Are you sure you want to?
Marc:Because I could be like, no, no, no.
Marc:Oh, thank God.
Marc:So right when that little thing happens at the coffee shop, the waiter comes up and is like, hey, I saw you on the Steve Visard show.
Marc:You're really funny.
Marc:Where are you guys working?
Marc:And I'm like, no, I'm going home.
Marc:There's a problem.
Marc:But that's my little story.
Marc:I was sent home from a country, but I learned my lesson.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:Have a good time there.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Well, you know what's weird is because I've been trying to do clubs in the U.S.
Guest:and I don't really do very well all the time because I'm a bit odd and then, you know, when people come in just for a generic comedy show, you know, we're going to go out and see some comedy.
Guest:I'm not usually what they're thinking of, which I can understand how that would be disappointing.
Guest:It's disappointing for me to see them.
Guest:But I went to Australia, and it was like this weird homecoming.
Guest:Because they had this festival, and it's a huge festival, and it's like a...
Guest:Yeah, I did like an hour and a half.
Guest:You ever watch a comedian when they just start riffing and they just go on for like an hour and a half or two hours?
Guest:Like, I felt like that.
Guest:Like, I'd never felt like that before where you could go on.
Marc:Oh, it's exciting.
Marc:I'm happy for you.
Guest:Yeah, it was unreal.
Marc:They appreciate theatrics there, too, and they understand they're willing to... See, I get angry hearing you tell me that people don't like you in comedy clubs.
Guest:Oh, well, I mean, now it's getting better because of having any sort of TV credits that people go, Oh, you been on TV?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You been on TV?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:TV on good TV.
Marc:You know.
Marc:Yeah, they like you then.
Guest:They like it on TV.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's weird.
Marc:That's all that seems to matter to them.
Marc:You can sit there and perform for them and, you know, they won't refer to your actor like, I saw you on the thing.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Marc:That thing on what channel was it?
Marc:On the family?
Marc:Was it Discovery?
Marc:What were you on?
Marc:Comedy Central.
Guest:No, but it was something.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:You're here right now.
Guest:You look so small.
Guest:You like signed a big on TV.
Guest:Look at us, that girl from TV.
Guest:Which is something I've always wanted to happen.
Guest:Now when it happens, guess what?
Guest:Not so interesting.
Marc:Not so exciting?
Marc:Do you hate it when they're like, what about that other guy that you're on the thing with?
Marc:Is that guy an ass?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Did they do that?
Guest:Well, now, yeah, I've gotten some, yeah, where they'll be like, some will say, I watched your act and then I watched Saturday Night Live and there was a joke on it that was a lot like one of your jokes and I just think you should know about it.
Guest:Yeah, the comedy police.
Guest:Like you're like, what?
Guest:That's funny.
Guest:But every idea of mine has been stolen from the greater atmosphere.
Guest:So, you know, in terms of, you know, we're all thinking the same thoughts, right?
Guest:Am I right?
Marc:Oh, absolutely.
Marc:I'm right.
Marc:I always get defensive like that because I don't know who they're looking out for and what they're insinuating and what kind of life do they have where they're sitting there making notes.
Marc:I appreciate the comedy fanatics who are actually keeping check of that, but I cannot stand when someone insinuates.
Marc:It's like, I don't know if they stole it from you or maybe you.
Guest:Stole it from them.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:And that's when you're like, you don't need to be my fan.
Marc:I don't need that kind of pressure.
Guest:Well, now they've got comedy blogs where they've got people going out to just shows and then blogging on it.
Marc:Seven people.
Guest:Oh, is it just seven?
Marc:Sure, maybe 10 or 12.
Marc:Oh, your blog, yeah.
Marc:Oh, come on.
Marc:Have you been to any blog?
Marc:Have you been to any blog?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And how many people are there?
Guest:There's like seven, 12, 12.
Guest:My mom's there in the chat room waiting to talk about me.
Marc:My daughter is lovely.
Marc:I mean, Maria Bamford's a genius.
Guest:She sat in the chat room for a while talking to people.
Marc:Can she type fast?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:She's a good typist.
Marc:Well, Maria, I want you to be careful.
Marc:Yeah, I will.
Marc:I care about you.
Marc:Oh, that's very nice.
Guest:There are funnel spiders out there.
Guest:Only in Sydney, buddy.
Guest:Only in Sydney.
Marc:Where's your man from?
Guest:Check your shoes.
Guest:Sydney.
Guest:He is from Sydney.
Guest:So wait a minute.
Guest:You're right.
Guest:There is a problem.
Marc:What the hell's a funnel spider, Jim?
Guest:Funnel spider?
Guest:You kill you in five seconds.
Guest:That's all you need to know.
Marc:It's a spider that kills you in five seconds?
Guest:They live in funnels.
Guest:They live in Sydney.
Guest:Yeah, it's just... Like a lot of them?
Guest:Sure.
Marc:I'm forbidding you to go.
Guest:Well, they're always saying stuff like that there, because like I was when swimming, they go, well, there's no shark nets at this beach.
Guest:You know, like sharks, right when I put my feet in the water, there's a shark going to come up to the, like, okay, come on.
Guest:But I guess there are, I mean, they never want to make any promises of what, you know, what if a shark does come up on a beach and nibble your toes?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I'm a little angry.
Marc:It's weird about Australians, they sort of have that attitude, sort of like, meh.
Marc:You know, like me, like we're Australia.
Marc:I found that when I was there just for the week that they're sort of insecure about the placement of their country.
Marc:It's like, we're over here.
Marc:No one really needs us.
Marc:The U.S.
Marc:used to park their ships here occasionally.
Guest:Well, they get left off maps all the time.
Marc:Did you know that?
Guest:Or like in Foster's Australian figure, they won't put the Tasmania.
Guest:They won't put Tasmania, which is a part of Australia.
Guest:They'll leave that part off.
Guest:They'll just put the giant continent without the, you know, it's just all these little things.
Guest:So they've got a little chip on their shoulder?
Guest:Well, yeah, because they're as big as the United States geographically, but then they only have 20 million people.
Marc:Huge.
Guest:And they shrink it on the map.
Guest:And they make it smaller than what it is, yeah.
Marc:Well, I mean, if they didn't, Jim, the map would have to be huge.
Guest:Well, that's an interesting point.
Marc:Funnel spiders, where do they live?
Guest:Funnel spider, in funnels.
Marc:But they've got to check your shoes?
Marc:You said you've got to check your shoes?
Guest:Check your shoes, check your shoes, they live in there.
Marc:How big are they?
Marc:Do you know how big they are?
Marc:They're like this.
Marc:Can everybody see this?
Marc:Oh, God, be careful, will you, Maria?
Guest:Oh, well.
Marc:Well, I'll see you when you come back if everything goes well.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'll be in Dow and Alex Spray.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Sorry.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Sorry.
Guest:I keep going on.
Marc:Thank you.
Okay.
Guest:Well, it's been a great week here on the Marc Maron Show.
Marc:Thanks for joining us.
Marc:I'd like to thank all our guests.
Marc:I'd like to thank Brendan McDonald for producing the show.
Marc:My right-hand man or left-hand man, however you want to call it, Jimmy Earle.
Marc:Next week, we're going to have Mark Cooper talk some politics.
Marc:David Poland's going to talk some movies.
Marc:We're going to have our regular Jack Boulware to give us a dispatch from somewhere in the world.
Guest:And, man, I am looking forward to the weekend.
Guest:Have a good weekend, sheeple.
Marc:Well, that was fun, wasn't it?
Marc:Old Mark, old Maria, old Eddie.
Marc:I should say young Mark, younger Maria, younger Eddie, and timeless Jim Earl.
Marc:Again, next week on WTF Uncovered, it is an actual WTF interview that never aired due to circumstances that I will explain to you next week.
Marc:Okay?
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, have a good weekend.
Marc:I'll see you in Chicago tomorrow night.