The Marc and Tom Show #5
Marc:this is exciting you're about to hear the fifth installment of the mark and tom show and it's me and my friend tom sharpling uh just talking
Marc:A couple of fellas, a couple of middle-aged fellas talking.
Marc:Some of you know Tom Sharpling.
Marc:He is the host of The Best Show.
Marc:And oddly, if you don't know anything about Tom's background or our friendship, it's a late-in-the-game friendship.
Marc:We met and became friends not that long ago.
Marc:We were, you know, older fellas.
Marc:But there was always a mutual respect there, Tom.
Marc:I don't know how to explain it other than I love the way he thinks.
Marc:He makes me laugh.
Marc:He's a great broadcaster.
Marc:Some of the comic bits that he did on his show are like all timers, like great.
Marc:I mean, if you ever get an opportunity to get that the best of the best show thing, it's actually on the Numero group label, 16 CDs.
Marc:But it's all the Sharpling and John Worcester bits in there.
Marc:It's hilarious.
Marc:It's truly hilarious.
Marc:But Tom and I are pals.
Marc:And we just got into the habit of every once in a while sitting down and talking as a couple of guys who do...
Marc:broadcasting work uh who like each other's company i don't know what else to tell you you can you can still listen to tom's show it's on every week it's the best show live tuesday nights at nine eastern at thebestshow.net you can also get that uh that on the podcast form get it wherever you get podcasts and also check out his podcast meet my friends the friends which you probably should know as little about as possible before you start listening
Marc:Just know if you love recap podcasts or if you hate recap podcasts, this is the show for you.
Marc:So we did this a little while ago when he was out here, when Tom was out here.
Marc:And we'll be back to our regular format on Monday with our 1,000th episode.
Marc:But now this is me and the very funny and very smart guy
Marc:Tom Sharpling.
Marc:I want you to know something about Tom is that as a broadcaster, he's just great at it.
Marc:He's great at pausing, taking beats.
Marc:He's very funny.
Marc:He's great at follow through with stories like if you want to be.
Marc:a good broadcaster, a good podcaster, a good on-the-mic person, you should study Tom Sharpling.
Marc:That's what I say.
Marc:Me, I just wing it.
Marc:But this is the Mark and Tom Show, number five.
Marc:And enjoy the company of me and Mr. Sharpling.
Marc:Like, I have the air on now, too, because my idea was, like, this kind of air conditioner doesn't make noise.
Marc:But listen.
Guest:I can hear that.
Marc:You can hear it, right?
Marc:Is it fine?
Marc:I think so.
Marc:Really?
Marc:You think it's just texture?
Marc:If I don't make a big deal out of it, you think people who are listening aren't going to make a big deal?
Marc:It's not like eating on the mic.
Guest:Eating on the mic is a whole other thing, which I never have done it once.
Guest:I can't.
Marc:You know what happens when you do, don't you?
Marc:The amount of reaction.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:It's hostile.
Marc:It's crazy.
Marc:Like, what the fuck are you doing?
Marc:I understand it, I guess.
Guest:People want to throw up.
Guest:You've got to realize, with headphones now, it sounds like somebody's eating in your... Yeah, they're actually consuming your head.
Guest:And it's like, if you're on the...
Guest:the bus or whatever you're listening to on the subway, and it's just like, it's already hot, and now somebody's... You just hear that, like, saliva and the crunching.
Guest:No, I can't handle it.
Guest:So you're one of those people that if you hear it, you'll just fucking... The worst.
Guest:I will never do it because I can't handle it.
Guest:Whenever, when you've done it or anybody's done it... Like, Howard Stern used to just eat and burp and just, like, hate it.
Guest:It makes me nauseous.
Guest:He doesn't do that anymore?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I haven't listened in a long time.
Marc:I was never a Stern guy.
Marc:Did we ever talk about Stern?
Marc:I don't think so.
Marc:I didn't grow up over there.
Marc:And people always ask about... People don't compare me to him, but we do a similar thing.
Marc:But you're a Stern person and you're not.
Marc:I literally have maybe listened to one show.
Guest:yeah i i used to listen all the time when you were a kid when i was a kid in high school yeah and then there was just a day where i think he had that move his movie was coming out and he was talking non-stop about the movie yeah and then he like worked everybody up into a frenzy where he's like this movie's coming out and it's like
Guest:we got this thing showing.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like, we got theaters that are gonna show this.
Marc:What was it called again?
Marc:Private parts.
Marc:Private parts, yeah.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And he's like, and I got worked up into such a frenzy.
Guest:I'm like, like saying to like, my wife was on, my wife had to be like, okay, there's like a one in the afternoon show.
Guest:It's just like, we probably gotta get to the theater at like 11.30 to like, because this thing's gonna be, and then we get to these theaters, like nine people there.
Guest:And it's like on the day it comes out.
Guest:And then I just... I think that made me feel kind of like a sucker.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I think the thing that I really... He lost me when he just kind of became like the guy.
Guest:When he became successful and kind of crossed that line to where...
Guest:He's not the underdog anymore.
Guest:He's now running things.
Guest:There's just a part of me that lost interest in it.
Marc:Yeah, that's concerning.
Marc:I feel like when somebody... Was that when he went to Sirius or before?
Marc:Before that.
Guest:Oh, yeah?
Guest:I think when he really got accepted by everybody, I think that... Wow, this is...
Guest:this is the most telling thing already that i'm hearing say like don't ever become liked by everybody because you'll hate yourself like i'm not here my entire dynamic has just revealed itself to me like fail just enough to keep people uh feeling sorry for you yes exactly if they don't feel like you're a loser yeah
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Why will they listen?
Guest:Oh, boy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I think I need to go lay down.
Guest:This is rough.
Guest:It just happened?
Guest:Three minutes in.
Guest:It just happened?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I think I figured the whole thing out right now.
Marc:Well, I'm glad you can help out.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That was the quickest Mark and Tom show we've had.
Guest:I think so.
Guest:Time to take a nap.
Guest:I remember I think one thing because people are like hey you like you hit it off with Mark and you guys get along like how like I don't like and I was thinking about it's like I think there's one thing I said yeah I said like he like Mark came on my show best show once and I said to him you know I could fix you in five minutes and I was just saying it as a dumb thing to say and I think I was like maybe that planted like a little seed in the back of his head he's like this guy
Guest:is gonna fix me at some point.
Guest:Seemed pretty confident about it.
Marc:Got a tone about him.
Marc:It just like went right in and locked in and I think it's gonna happen at some point.
Guest:Because it's like that thing where you're like, look, I know when you feel like you're getting conned or tricked and you're like...
Guest:All right.
Guest:99% of me knows that there's no businessman with all this money, but it's like, but just what if this is the one?
Guest:That's how they get you.
Marc:Right, yeah.
Marc:He's the guy.
Marc:My dad went for that.
Marc:He's that guy.
Marc:He's their mark.
Marc:That just he...
Marc:Well, you know what it is to online health practitioners.
Marc:Like my dad will send me things where it's like, this guy knows what he's talking about.
Marc:You got to eat the vitamin D all the time and stay away from this, stay away from that, and you're probably never going to have colon cancer, whatever the fuck it is.
Marc:And I'm like, he's a doctor, so I'm thinking like, all right, he knows what he's talking about.
Marc:I'm going to start doing this.
Marc:But then I go look up these guys that he believes in, and I'm like-
Marc:What qualifies this guy for anything?
Marc:Where's the science on this?
Marc:He partnered up with some guy who had a vitamin.
Marc:This was years ago.
Marc:I don't think I've talked about it to you before, but it was called memory revitalizer.
Marc:And it was this big fucking vitamin.
Marc:And my dad was pushing it.
Marc:He made me take it.
Marc:He said, this is the one.
Marc:And then I met the fuck that, that, that created it.
Marc:He's just some dude is like an office with one guy in it and boxes of the shit.
Marc:And I'm like, what's the credibility of this stuff?
Marc:And the guy was some weirdo right wing libertarian dude.
Marc:And my dad's like, you know, this guy knows what he's talking about.
Guest:That guy is making vitamins where he's, he's fixing it.
Guest:He has the answer to anything.
Guest:He doesn't have the answer for himself.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:No, but he's got suckers.
Marc:It's, it's, it's astounding to me.
Marc:Like, it's like with the Trump presidency, there's part of me that realizes, like, this is exactly the president this country deserves.
Marc:On some level, because this is the complete... This is what America was built on, you know, in the bad way, is this guy.
Marc:Just a sucker born every minute.
Marc:P.T.
Marc:Barnum.
Marc:Unfortunately, he's a racist fuck.
Marc:And he's shameless about that.
Marc:But in terms of, like, how does it make sense?
Marc:Of course it makes sense.
Marc:It's the most transparent...
Marc:administration we've ever had because he doesn't give a fuck you know it's just like chaos all the time and it's just like we know exactly what's happening and no one can do anything about it Phil Morrison who you know he said he was in a cab in New York and the cabbie was just talking about Trump and he's just like
Guest:Eh, this guy's just a Queens real estate guy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And that just sums up everything.
Guest:It's just like you think about a real estate mogul in Queens, and you're just kind of like, oh, that's everything this guy does is just slap together a building.
Guest:Don't even worry about the consequence to anything.
Guest:Anything.
Guest:Whatever it takes to get this next deal going.
Guest:A grifter.
Marc:He's just a hustler.
Marc:Look, I don't want to underplay it at all because that was one of the things I want to talk to you about.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:It becomes almost impossible to reconcile how to get through a day.
Marc:And enjoy your life or do what you need to do, but know that this garbage fire is ongoing.
Marc:It's making me... There's a part of your being that's constantly being trolled by the very nature of what's happening culturally and politically.
Marc:And you somehow have to put a lid on that to just function day in and day out.
Marc:Do you feel that?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:No, I work hard at it.
Guest:One of the things I decided...
Guest:When the 2016 election was going the way it did with the best show, I was like, we're not going to make this a political show.
Guest:It's because you can get that literally everywhere else now.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's like, people know what side of things I'm on.
Guest:It's like, nobody's going to be like, oh, you didn't talk about the thing.
Guest:Like, maybe he loves Trump.
Guest:It's like, no, of course I...
Marc:Yeah, don't it's funny that we do that I do that too where it's sort of like shouldn't we be doing this and Brendan's like no There's everyone's doing you know you do what you do and if something resonates with you But you don't want to get into that into the ring with that shit There's people that do it better and that's not what this show is and people need a place to go Everybody's fighting the fight inside them.
Guest:You need a place to go where it's like it's like an ice pack on your head And that's I kind of looked at my I look at my show is now being this thing where it's just like
Guest:you know it's a good place you know i'm not i'm not like oh i can't believe i supported that asshole and he's like it's like no you know i'm on on your side with stuff but you're allowed a break from it also
Guest:There's a part of me questioning everything all the time.
Guest:It's like, you ever have a thing where you go to the movies, it's like, it doesn't matter what I eat at the movies.
Guest:Oh, yeah, of course.
Guest:It doesn't count on a plane or at the movies.
Guest:You're on a plane, you're eating- Out of town, even.
Guest:Just out of town.
Guest:Yeah, you're just like, out of town, you're just like, let's get these- Donut time.
Guest:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:These are out of town donuts.
Marc:Yeah, but they're really good.
Marc:Like what I do is you find what's good in this place.
Marc:I was just talking to Bert Kreischer.
Marc:He was hilarious because he was talking about how he was on the road and he was done with his diet.
Marc:He'd run his marathon.
Marc:And wherever he'd go, he'd talk to the promoter or whoever it was who was in charge of the green room.
Marc:And he's like, what's that city known for?
Marc:And he said it was Detroit, and it was some of these dogs, some kind of dogs.
Marc:And he's like, all right, they're like Coney dogs, I think they're called, with cheese and whatever.
Marc:They're hot dogs.
Marc:And Bert's like, all right, get me $50 worth.
Marc:And put that in the green room.
Marc:And that's what he did.
Marc:What did it got there?
Marc:What is the special thing?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:$100 worth of that.
Marc:Just have it back there on your tray.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Because when I saw Mission Impossible, I was eating this like peanut M&M's and I'm just like,
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:These are the best.
Guest:And then partway through, I'm just like, I'm watching him like, he like runs.
Guest:There's like one part of the movie where he runs as fast as a human can run.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:For like five minutes.
Guest:The Tom Cruise run.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I'm sitting there.
Guest:I'm just like eating this stuff.
Guest:And suddenly I like felt myself.
Guest:I was just like.
Guest:I hate my stuff so just and I literally threw the candy on the floor really like yeah I'm just like you're done with it like you disgust me like this guy's this guy's like an optimal human watching this like this like machine that's like maximize like and I'm just like shaking the bag of Eminem just like losing
Guest:I guess I could do three at a time.
Marc:Chase it with some popcorn.
Marc:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:Salty and sweet.
Guest:Yeah, it's perfect.
Guest:But then I'm just like, oh, it's so gross.
Marc:So in the middle of it.
Guest:I just threw them on the floor.
Marc:That's what people heard.
Marc:In the middle of Tom Cruise's run.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Rolling.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Cause they'll roll.
Marc:Cause they get fully rounded.
Guest:Oh, they were still in the bag.
Guest:They just heard a bag hit the floor.
Marc:A little bag of rocks.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was like, yes, that's how I felt.
Guest:You didn't pick them back up?
Guest:I picked them back up.
Guest:There was a point where I said I had this theory and I knew it was faulty.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I was just like, look, if you just drop your shit on the floor of the movie theater, you keep the staff employed.
Guest:Yeah, sure.
Guest:Like if people are slobs at the movie theater, they have to hire...
Guest:more people and then somebody... It's good for the people that need jobs.
Guest:Yeah, my friend Hannah was just like, I work at a movie theater.
Guest:They just make us do more, you idiot.
Guest:Like, hire a second person.
Guest:Like, I have to clean more garbage.
Guest:It's just kind of like, whatever's in the theater, I have one person cleans it.
Marc:Do you remember back in the old days when it was like, you just like, the floors were sticky.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like, you know, just from soda.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So gross.
Marc:When you're a kid, those fucking theaters, just nasty.
Guest:Those beat up seats.
Marc:The popcorn thing, though.
Marc:Like, I can't, like...
Marc:My girlfriend just insists that she eats it all before the movie starts on purpose.
Marc:Because she doesn't want to be distracted by eating popcorn.
Marc:I don't like that shoveling.
Marc:I'm looking at my watch.
Marc:We're here 15 minutes before it starts, the credits.
Marc:And we're sitting here with popcorn.
Marc:It's stupid.
Marc:It's going to be gone.
Marc:It's not even like eating it at the movies.
Marc:It's like this compulsive behavior.
Marc:that you engage in before a movie starts.
Marc:You're checking the box off the thing, just like.
Marc:Yeah, and then you get the large one, you can refill it, and that's problematic.
Marc:Yeah, because now it's just like, I'm gonna quick, go fill.
Marc:Yeah, I'll just get half of it.
Marc:I'll just get half.
Marc:Were you a person that put sweet shit in the popcorn?
Guest:I started doing that a little bit.
Guest:As a grown-up?
Guest:Yeah, then I felt.
Guest:I was literally doing peanut M&Ms and popcorn.
Marc:But some people dump, like what?
Marc:Raisinets?
Marc:What is it?
Guest:I see people dump the stuff, and I wasn't dumb.
Guest:I'll just, like, literally.
Guest:This is my sweet hand.
Guest:This is my salty hand.
Guest:And then they meet in the middle, and I just eat like a horse.
Guest:I just kind of feed myself like a sugar cube.
Guest:What is the one they used, though?
Guest:Is it Raisinets?
Guest:I think people, yeah.
Guest:I think that's like a... That's the classic?
Marc:That feels like a... Duds?
Marc:Is it Milk Duds?
Marc:Maybe it's Milk Duds.
Marc:Were Milk Duds harder when we were younger?
Marc:I don't know.
Guest:Maybe they're fresher now.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Is that it?
Marc:When was the last time you had a Milk Duds?
Guest:See, the thing is, I don't know when the last time I had one.
Guest:Now that you mention them, I can tell you the next time I'm going to have a Milk Dud is like an hour from now because you put it in my head.
Guest:Do you like them?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:I like any of that.
Guest:I'm so suggestible with that stuff.
Marc:I just remember when I was a kid, the Milk Dud, you'd eat them and it was like you had to get through that caramel.
Marc:Now they're just soft and there's nothing to them.
Marc:But when we were a kid, it was like you had to soften them up.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, I think that was a real thing.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And they, see, this is how they just, this is how they fuck us, Tom.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:Is that, you know, you used to take some time to get through a box, but now when the caramel's soft, like a fucking, um, Rolo almost.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Guest:You're gonna, you're gonna go right through a box in a minute.
Guest:I think it's time for you to go back to the counter at the movie theater and be like, excuse me, uh, these, these milk duds are a little too soft.
Yeah.
Guest:And then they'll be like, hey, aren't you the guy in the Joker movie?
Guest:Hey, the guy from the Joker movie was complaining that the Milk Duds were too soft.
Guest:How suggestible do you think you are to advertising and stuff like that?
Marc:I'd like to think that I wasn't, but it seems that whenever I've sort of landed on some fashion choices, that they're everywhere within a month.
Marc:And I don't know what the fuck that's about.
Marc:Because I think I'm not trying to be at the cutting edge of anything, but I felt that there were a couple of things that I was doing that all of a sudden seemed culturally happening shortly thereafter that I thought, I'm not taking responsibility for them, because maybe I was just mind fucked by suggestive something
Marc:But where am I taking it in?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:When I got all into Red Wing boots a few years back, I didn't see a lot of them around.
Marc:I thought I saw one guy with these boots.
Marc:I always wanted to find a boot with a toe strap to it that had a certain look, and it was a Red Wing Iron Ranger or whatever the hell it was called.
Marc:And so I bought them, and then all of a sudden everyone's got them.
Marc:I talked about it a lot, so part of me was sort of like, I kind of did that.
Marc:But I don't think I did.
Guest:Do you feel like if you take a big step back from it and you saw the...
Guest:The the kind of the timeline of those like where I mean, are you if there's five steps of those boots?
Guest:Are you were you at step two?
Marc:Yeah, I that's a good question.
Marc:I don't know how it happened.
Marc:You know, I don't know what you know what I just was wearing boots.
Marc:And then people like my friend Dean Del Rey, he's got a guy making boots.
Marc:And then I went to White's Boots.
Marc:It was just a boot thing, but I just remember specifically.
Marc:I think I was part of the push from two to three.
Marc:okay so you were hovering in that two to three yeah there was one guy that every that a few of us saw sure yeah they were like those boots yeah and then i i got him then i talked about him and then like then i was i was part of the push from two to three and then after that you know it got way out of hand yeah do you think that guy do you think that guy you and and 15 other people saw the one guy goes back yeah the one guy do you think he goes back to the boot place and he's just like yeah
Guest:Give me my money.
Guest:Mark Maron saw the boots.
Guest:It's like, all right, here's $600.
Guest:That might be... I don't know if it's quite... I did my job.
Marc:I did my job.
Guest:The true conspiracy.
Marc:Yeah, don't hold out on me.
Marc:I'm your boot assassin.
Marc:I took down Maron.
Marc:He looked at the boots.
Marc:I walked back and forth in front of him a few times.
Marc:And I want my money.
Guest:Yeah, or if the guy just has to be... The guy running things like...
Guest:Yeah, Marin just bought some of the boots.
Guest:That was one of the names on the thing.
Guest:Here's the other 50% of the money you get.
Guest:Yeah, and here are the rest of the names.
Guest:Yeah, I get these.
Guest:Go get Josh Brolin.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:See if you can get one of the hip-hop guys.
Guest:So you feel like you end up, but somebody influenced you.
Guest:Everybody's just influenced by something at some point.
Marc:I know that my plaid shirt thing I can track specifically to Jonah Ray, and I don't think I told him that.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:But I think that, like, you know, it became sort of an alt-y kind of... The plaid shirt thing was a thing.
Marc:But I was pretty much a flannel guy, solid.
Marc:Like, my go-to was, like, an L.L.
Marc:Bean chamois shirt that had some wear to it.
Marc:That was sort of where I was at.
Marc:And Levi pants.
Marc:So...
Marc:Like, that's the other thing, the denim thing.
Marc:Like, I didn't... Like, I... My issue is that, like, I'll get in these things, and when I see other people are doing them, then I realize, like, I got to get out, right?
Marc:Like, I got to get out.
Marc:Like, the denim thing, like, I got these Emma Jean and Willys, the Selvage denim, but I didn't really know anything about it.
Marc:I just thought these were nice pants.
Marc:And then, all of a sudden, everyone's going crazy.
Marc:Then I'm sitting in a bathtub, breaking in Levi's that are... And then I'm not washing them, and they stink, and I'm putting them in the freezer...
Marc:Like, I met a guy, I saw a guy the other night, Josh Adam Myers.
Marc:He's kind of a, he's a comic, but he does a rock and roll thing.
Marc:And his pants look just, like, shiny and weird and greasy.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:And I'm like, what's up with those pants?
Marc:He's like, yeah, I'm doing the thing.
Marc:I haven't washed them in seven years, just doing the freezer thing.
Marc:So that's just frozen and reheated, fucking dead skin and sweat and whatever's coming off of your fucking junk down there.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And he's like, yeah, I'm committed.
Marc:I'm like, I am glad I got out of that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm glad that's not my life.
Marc:It's like wearing that one pair of pants that haven't washed in a decade that are just shiny from fucking body garbage.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then now you're kind of like, you're known as like the pants guy.
Guest:No, I know.
Guest:And then it's like, where are your pants?
Guest:What's up with your pants?
Guest:What happened to the pants?
Guest:They're in the shot.
Guest:They're in the freezer.
Yeah.
Marc:I got to kill all the fucking bacteria every six weeks.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Be like, hey, do you want to go eat?
Guest:Like, well, my pants are in the freezer now.
Guest:I kind of can't give me four hours for a pants warm up.
Marc:But I think what you're saying, like, that's what usually happens to me is that.
Marc:I think I've come upon something.
Marc:I don't really believe that I take in a lot of advertising, but something sneaks in.
Marc:You know, trends, there's some sort of momentum, meme momentum.
Marc:I don't know what it is.
Marc:But, like, you know, I do know that there's a specific world of my likes.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:You know, and I'm not wearing hats anymore.
Marc:you know yeah i didn't you know i'm not wearing a fedora or a bowler i tried you know uh uh that that folk singer uh langhorne swim nice guy sent me a hat that he helped design got me a great comedy bit but i couldn't wear it just wasn't yeah no but what do you how do you do that without like kind of like look at me i'm wearing an outfit
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:I've got to own this shit.
Marc:Like right now, I'm wearing Levi's.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Okay?
Marc:Like that I broke in myself.
Marc:I put the time in.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I pulled them back out.
Marc:I have a lot of different pants.
Marc:Like I have high-end pants that I got tired of because they're not... The other heartbreaker is like, so these are the ones, these are the best ones, these are the ones that will last a lifetime.
Marc:They don't.
Marc:Stitching goes out, seams go out, they look stupid.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Dean keeps everything clean.
Marc:What are you getting pants for if you're gonna keep them clean?
Marc:What are you gonna get boots for to keep them clean?
Marc:So that bothers me.
Marc:He looks good, but whatever.
Marc:But my point is, I'm wearing Levi's, I'm wearing a pair of White's boots, I rotate shoes, try to keep them going.
Marc:Tom Petty shirt from the last concert.
Marc:Yeah, and a belt that I bought in Seattle at the leather place in Pikes market Okay, and I'm wearing a belt buckle that I've had since seventh grade.
Marc:This is right original.
Guest:Okay, so that's yeah See I look I have a different approach this I would be happy wearing like literally like a janitors.
Guest:Yeah zip up.
Guest:I just wear jumpsuit.
Guest:Yeah, I was like wearing blue.
Guest:Yeah
Guest:A blue shirt and blue pants all the time.
Marc:So you're not susceptible.
Marc:You're committed.
Guest:I just look at it as like, I guess I have to wear something, so I'm going to wear a uniform.
Guest:You're always wearing that.
Guest:That's true.
Marc:It's like Einstein.
Marc:So you have just a bunch of blue polo shirts.
Marc:I just like wearing blue polo shirts, blue pants, blue.
Marc:That's it?
Marc:That's good.
Marc:What if you need to wear a jacket?
Marc:At a thing.
Guest:There's got to be a blue jacket out there.
Guest:You don't have a blue jacket?
Guest:No, I have, look, I have jackets and I have all that stuff, but in terms of me just- Day to day.
Guest:Functionally being out in the world, I just really, I just, I don't have much of a capacity for it and I'm bad at it and my wife will help.
Guest:She fills in the blanks for me.
Guest:It would be a true disaster if she was not-
Guest:helping me like.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But it's just like, she now has, I think, kind of waves the white flag on just like.
Guest:Oh, getting you to spice up.
Guest:He is wearing blue every day.
Marc:Why don't you buy a nice button-up shirt, Shortsweep?
Guest:She said you like that?
Guest:What colors?
Guest:Oh, look.
Guest:I got one teed up.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's the fall line.
Guest:Wait till I wear that.
Guest:But see, for me, this is how twisted it's gotten.
Guest:For me, where you're like, yeah, I don't know if I'm comfortable wearing that hat around town.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm just like, oh, boy, I don't know if I wear this button-down shirt.
Guest:What's going to happen?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:People are going to be like, hey, button-down.
Guest:What's up, button-down?
Guest:I'm going to get made fun of.
Guest:What happened to Tom?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's like when you would go to school with a haircut, and then people would...
Guest:And people be like, hey, haircut.
Guest:And I would just be like, this hurts my feelings.
Guest:So like, don't focus on.
Guest:Did you feel that when you were a kid?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Like, hey, you got a haircut.
Marc:It's so uncomfortable.
Marc:I was so fucking uncomfortable.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, and like it was it was just never ending.
Marc:Like there's always be problems because if you're that guy that's so self-conscious, you know, something's going to happen.
Marc:You're going to pee yourself.
Marc:So, you know, it's just not you.
Marc:You're not made for this world of, you know, judgment.
Marc:You know, when you're that guy just kind of like, oh, my God, these pants.
Marc:What if.
Marc:You know like when I remember when like I got my pants ripped at camp You know, it's just like devastating like I couldn't go I couldn't go on the rest of the day What are we gonna do and they had a like the counselor at a pin a burlap piece over this hole?
Marc:So my underwear wouldn't show cuz like the world ended like it dropped out of my pants and just like please Oh God, no one notice.
Marc:Yeah, no, just don't look at just don't look at me Oh God, this is the worst and they always got food poisoning at camp and that it was the nightmare dude
Guest:I think I was like scared of groups also like it just like the like like my my parents were trying to figure out just like we got to get this this kid will just like just go see movies and watch TV all day it's like you have to go do some something with other kids what'd they make you do they I got went to this like they're like
Guest:You should go to this track camp.
Guest:And I was like 13.
Guest:And I was like, you guys know who I am?
Guest:It's just like track camp.
Guest:So it was at Rutgers College, which is kind of near.
Guest:So they're like, you're going to track camp.
Guest:And then, like, I see, like, the track camp sign-up table over there.
Guest:They drop me off, and I go.
Guest:And then I see, like, the student center was, like... So I just walked into the student center and played video games all day long.
Guest:And then just walked out when it's like, yeah, track camp ends at 3.
Guest:And I just, like, walked back out.
Guest:And then the next day...
Guest:dropped back off, walked right into the student center in the arcade, played video games all day.
Guest:Then like that night, it was like two days.
Guest:And then my mother's just like,
Guest:are you not going to, like, I got a phone call.
Guest:It's like... Did they sign you up?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, no, I was signed up, and they're just like, they don't have a record of you going to track camp.
Guest:What are you, like, we're dropping you, like, are you not going to the camp?
Guest:And I'm just like...
Guest:I'm just playing video games.
Guest:Yeah, I didn't want to go to track camp.
Guest:I didn't want to do that.
Guest:And they're just like, oh, we got to... And then they're just like, fine, don't go to track camp.
Marc:What were the games then?
Marc:Asteroids?
Guest:Oh, yeah, it's just all those videos.
Marc:Galaga?
Guest:Yeah, Galaga, Defender.
Guest:Defender.
Guest:All those games, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, just every one of those games, I would just be in there all...
Marc:What was the missile one?
Guest:Missile Command.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:That was colorful.
Guest:Yeah, with the rollerball.
Marc:Tempest.
Guest:Tempest, yes.
Marc:Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack.
Guest:The 3D games.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Very simple.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:No, but I was... We used to play Space Invaders at the bowling alley.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Before the video arcades.
Marc:Holiday bowl.
Marc:There'd be like a...
Marc:Asteroids machine and the yeah the snack bar.
Marc:Yep.
Marc:Yeah asteroids.
Marc:I remember when that happened I could see like you like I I Fundamentally wanted to be around people, but I always felt uncomfortable So I you know, but I would I would I would fight it out.
Marc:Mm-hmm, but I had this problem.
Marc:I had this horrendous Perspiration problem
Marc:Well, I still do, which is... But you sweat this much when you were in junior high?
Marc:Like, I was the guy with pit stains in junior high, and I couldn't do anything about it.
Marc:Like, my dad was a doctor.
Marc:There was talk of maybe getting my sweat glands surgically removed.
Marc:There were prescription antiperspirants that we tried.
Marc:There was, like, zinc was involved.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:And it was just like the bane of my existence.
Marc:These pit stains.
Guest:Yeah, I just get it on my forehead and it's just like, there'll be times I just be like, I'm not, I swear to, I'm not nervous.
Guest:I don't know why.
Guest:Like, I'm like, this has nothing to do with like, for some reason, it's just my body.
Guest:It's not my, it's not like I'm up here like, I'm sweating.
Guest:Yeah, no, no.
Guest:I was at a live WTF at the Bell House, and the air conditioner was broken, and I was just like, yes, this is great.
Marc:Everyone's going to go down.
Guest:You're all sweaty, and nobody's going to know a thing is wrong with me.
Guest:I'm up here, boy, it sure is hot up here, huh, guys?
Guest:We're all sweating up here, right?
Guest:And meanwhile, if it was 40 degrees in there, I'd probably still be sweating.
Guest:I'd probably be like, what's wrong with that guy?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I just remember, like, I kind of played in a band with this kid.
Marc:We knew like three songs, right?
Marc:And I wasn't nerdy and I wasn't like on the pulse of anything until probably my junior or high school.
Marc:This was younger than that.
Marc:So we played, you know, Taking Care of Business.
Marc:We kind of made our way through part of Sweet Emotion.
Marc:We kind of like fumbled through Tush.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I think we did Youngblood, Bad Company's version of it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:All the big ones.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was in a band a little bit because I played bass a little bit, and I was just like, I don't have any aptitude for this at all.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I just remember we played in like a driveway.
Guest:It was always like the drummers.
Guest:You go to the drummer's house because nobody has a car.
Guest:You just go where the drum set is.
Marc:Yeah, that's exactly what we did.
Marc:Yeah, of course.
Guest:We were in a driveway playing, and it was like Bad Company.
Guest:It was Feel Like Making Love.
Guest:Burn it.
Guest:Bam.
Guest:I just remember as a kid, even then, I was probably 15, I remember thinking, like looking at like...
Guest:these like four like losers and one of us is like singing about making love it's like what do you like none of us even know what that like feel like making love to you it's like what are you singing about what was amazing is at that age you could find a front man
Marc:And he didn't have any other talent, and he probably wasn't that great a singer, but they'd lean into it.
Marc:There's a certain type of person, this guy Damon, he didn't really sing that well, but he was confident, and he was on the mic.
Guest:unbelievable yeah like you think about like david lee roth and like like he's terror like he's the like it's like it kind of almost sounds like he's screaming over like an instrumental track like they almost just like hey there's this band these three guys who jam out on these songs and he's just like i'm just gonna scream whatever i want over the top has nothing to do with
Guest:what they're playing.
Guest:He's a vaudevillian, that guy.
Guest:But it's all attitude.
Guest:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:The front man thing is sort of fascinating to me.
Guest:And then nobody questions.
Guest:Then you start to get that thing like, well, he's a great front man, but it's just like he can't sing.
Guest:It's like the first requirement you'd think of being a thing.
Guest:Yeah, but he's entertaining.
Guest:Yeah, and that's... It's entertaining.
Guest:But that's like that gene that I never could imagine
Guest:being like, hey, I'm not good at this, but watch me.
Marc:They don't have that part of the equation.
Marc:The, hey, I'm not good at that.
Guest:That never comes into it.
Guest:Just that idea of like, hey, you want to sing?
Guest:These are the guys who will be like, I'm a lead singer.
Guest:And you're just like...
Guest:this guy must be great he said he was a lead singer and then you're just like oh my god and you just when you finally add it up later it's like wait he can't sing right it's like no but that was awesome are you kidding oh god and then it's just and then it's just the thing is has left the station yeah and then it's just no no he's a lead singer he's
Guest:It's like you hear those stories about like Andrew Dice Clay, who's almost like the closest stand-up equivalent to the lead singer thing.
Guest:Where people would be like, hey, that was my joke.
Guest:And he'd be just like, yeah, I'm doing it now.
Guest:I got to be famous.
Guest:Like there was like a story of him, like somebody was like, hey, that's my, like there's like Otto and George or something.
Marc:Oh, really?
Guest:Hey, that's my, like, hey man, that's my thing.
Guest:He's just like, yeah, well, look, I got to get famous.
Guest:So it's your problem.
Guest:Yeah, I believe that.
Guest:I remember hearing some version of that.
Marc:I believe that.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I didn't talk to him about that, but the equation seems right.
Marc:That Otto and George, the guy with the puppet, had a thing.
Marc:He was very funny.
Marc:He's dead now.
Marc:R.I.P.
Marc:But that would be the guy.
Marc:I think I remember vaguely hearing about that.
Marc:Yeah, the confidence thing...
Marc:I think that killed my music career, because frankly, I'm playing better now than I ever have, and I never took it that seriously, and I make jokes about that I'm grateful that I didn't take it seriously, but there was a time where I wanted to play guitar, and I just remember I learned the Chuck Berry thing, and my taste in music was always oldies and blues and whatever, and then it expanded over time, and it's still expanding now, but I just remember this one time where...
Marc:Like, I knew, like, one lick, you know, a couple of chords.
Marc:And this band called the Philistines was, you know, the Philistines.
Marc:They were, like, the New Mexicos and kind of punk.
Marc:But they weren't punk.
Marc:They were New Wave.
Marc:They were an art band.
Marc:They were on the scene, the Philistines.
Marc:You know, I knew a guy, Steve LaRue.
Marc:He's dead, too, now.
Marc:He used to play with them.
Marc:But they were the art band.
Marc:They were looking for a guitar player or something like that.
Marc:I'm going to audition for the Philistines.
Marc:And these two fucking dudes come over and they're snotty and, you know, like kind of arty.
Marc:And, you know, at my parents' house.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:We're in the living room and I've got my Telecaster that, you know, I got for my birthday or whatever.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:My first real guitar.
Marc:I bought it because Keith had one and I got these two art snobby kind of music guys sitting there and they're like, well, what do you know?
Marc:And I'm like, just doing my Chuck Berry thing.
Marc:And they're like, well, do you know anything else?
Marc:I'm like, I don't know.
Marc:Like, what do you guys play?
Marc:What do you need?
Marc:Is there other things that I need to know?
Marc:And I don't even remember how the audition went.
Marc:I don't know if they asked me to play a song, but I just kind of played my Chuck Berry licks and they just were condescending and they walked away and it felt awful.
Marc:And then there was a string of awful things with music that just shattered my heart and disabled.
Marc:The sweat thing, like that day, I didn't tell you about that day.
Marc:I've talked about it once or twice before, but...
Marc:We were at Dean's house.
Marc:His mother would charge us for fucking sodas.
Marc:She wasn't even getting real Coke.
Marc:It was like the happy time.
Marc:I think it was happy time soda that they had in cases out in the garage, and we'd drink them.
Marc:And then she started charging us a quarter for every fucking happy time.
Unbelievable.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But anyway, so girls came over, and a couple girls came over, friends of Bob, who was a friend of Damon's, and they came over to Dean's house.
Marc:There was two of them.
Marc:One of them was named Veronica, and the other one, fuck, I don't remember her name.
Marc:And I'm playing guitar, and the fucking pit stains coming, like bad, like I'm wearing a button-up.
Marc:Probably tucked into Britannia pants.
Yeah.
Marc:and uh i might have had famulari shoes on with the wavy bottom and you could just feel it coming like it was just happening you know and then i'm like you know i'm i'm pretty sure that the girls are looking at the embarrassing you know 14 year old or 15 year old yeah with massive pit stains yeah
Marc:And then I'm just like, I say to Dean, I'm like, is there a shirt in your room?
Marc:Can I grab a shirt in your room?
Marc:Because I can't do this.
Marc:And I went into his room and there was just, I just found the shirt that was like right there.
Marc:And it was like one of those, you know, one of those jerseys that they're like a nylon, but they have the little holes in them, not netted, but they have like a vent to them.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:They're usually reversible.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:It was a putt-putt shirt.
Marc:Putt-putt golf.
Marc:Because Dean was into putt-putt.
Marc:And I come out in that, trying to make it smooth.
Marc:Like, I'm just going to go in and grab a shirt.
Marc:And I come back out.
Marc:He's like, why that shirt?
Marc:That's my putt-putt championship shirt.
Marc:And now everyone knows I'm wearing a shirt that doesn't fit right.
Marc:It's a miniature golf shirt.
Marc:And you're like, why'd you change your shirt?
Ugh.
Marc:And it's just like, it just went downhill from there.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then there was the music camp debacle.
Marc:That was the end of it.
Marc:That was the end of my music career.
Marc:Did I tell you that story?
Marc:Maybe.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I went to music camp for two years up in Pottsville, outside of Pottsville, Pennsylvania.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Lighthouse Arts and Music Camp.
Marc:They let you smoke.
Marc:Mm-hmm.
Marc:16 years old.
Marc:It's great.
Guest:Sure.
Marc:I don't even know why they did, but I could smoke there.
Marc:So I'm doing the guitar thing, taking lessons.
Marc:I'm learning the lick on like, you know, Brown Eyed Girl and Third Rate Romance.
Marc:I don't even know who did that song.
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Third Rate Romance and Low Rant Rendezvous.
Marc:It's got a great guitar run on it.
Marc:But I couldn't figure, I couldn't focus.
Marc:But there was a performance, you know, you kind of were encouraged to play with other people.
Marc:So, you know, I'm like, I'm going to put together a band for the big thing at the end.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I just collect these fucking guys.
Marc:Like, I picked the guys.
Marc:They're all problems.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:We're just going to do Johnny B. Good.
Marc:How hard could that be?
Marc:Any fucking idiot.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Could play Johnny Be Good.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:The other band, of course, were, like, just the nerd crew.
Marc:Like, there was this kind of very small dude who was just a wizard on the drums.
Marc:The drummer was, I think his name was Ben.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:It's always Ben.
Marc:And, like, you know, they were doing pops.
Marc:And then this guy Aronson, some other guy, some guy with red hair.
Marc:They were just a full-on music nerd crew.
Marc:They were the other band.
Marc:And I don't know what they were working on.
Yeah.
Marc:So the night comes, we're in the band shell, and my guys were going to play Johnny B. Goode, and they're fucked up.
Marc:Robert's stoned as shit.
Marc:These are 15-year-old guys.
Marc:One of them's drunk.
Marc:And I come out, I do the lead riff, and it's a fucking mess.
Marc:That's a song that can absorb some mess.
Marc:And it's not going well.
Marc:Then I start, I can't hit the, I come in on the wrong pitch and I'm struggling to stay in it and it's a fucking disaster.
Marc:It's a fucking disaster and it's embarrassing and there was no way that it was good.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I'm singing and I'm in the front.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I'm wearing a tuxedo shirt.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Which is now why it took you 30 years to get back into singing to feel okay.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Holding a guitar.
Guest:But the other band, the nerds, I think they got up there.
Marc:I think they played them.
Marc:Elvis Costello's mystery dance.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:And then like an entire side of a Genesis record.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And they're just like.
Marc:Nailed it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Nailed it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Like a mic drop on that one before there were mic drops.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Just erased us.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then I moped.
Marc:And the one sort of like sad girl who was my friend, like, you were really good.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:No, I wasn't.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That thing where they're already saying like, no, you were good.
Guest:It's like.
Guest:Why are you making it sound like I said we were terrible first?
Guest:Why that tone already?
Guest:It took me forever.
Guest:Looks like you were having fun up there.
Guest:That's like always the thing when a band's bad and it's just like you know the people and you're just like
Guest:How were we?
Guest:Oh, it looks like you guys are having so much fun up there.
Guest:Really in it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like, oh, that was.
Guest:What was that?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:What was that cover you played?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Just anything to like.
Guest:To get off the.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:How were we thing?
Guest:Those new pedals.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Guitar pedals.
Marc:Like today, I posted a picture of me playing lead in the studio on Instagram.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I don't do that.
Marc:And like, you know, I know that I move funny when I'm playing.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Marc:So I'm looking at the comments, and I thought it was a pretty good lead.
Marc:It takes a lot to, you know, like I was just in a studio laying down a lead track for this thing I did.
Marc:And it was good, but like there were enough people who were sort of like, nice pee dance.
Yeah.
Marc:You know, like there's a few of those.
Marc:But you know what?
Marc:I was like, it was honest.
Marc:I'm okay.
Marc:I'm okay.
Marc:I feel pretty proud of it.
Guest:There's always going to be a thing.
Guest:It's almost like people, when they think of how they see you, it's you holding a microphone talking.
Guest:And people would feel just as weird if they saw...
Guest:you know if keith richards was on sure holding a mic on stage just walk around talking you wouldn't expect you'd be like what what's happening that's weird looking yeah like that that sure is a conflict in my head like a right no i get that and i'm not no i'm not upset about i'm proud of it and like i'm just owning like this is the things i do and this is how i do them i'm okay at some things i'm good at other things
Marc:But I'm getting better at these things.
Marc:And fuck it.
Marc:But see, the guitar thing was not something I ever shared.
Marc:I didn't feel necessary.
Marc:And now I am.
Marc:So now I've opened myself up to that.
Guest:Well, there's a sincerity to it also.
Guest:There's like a pureness.
Guest:If you're going to play...
Guest:You come from comedy where everything is a takedown or a funny comment on what other people do or say.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then now you're doing this thing that is completely without... You can't do sarcastic... Guitar playing.
Marc:Guitar playing.
Marc:Yeah, I'm pretty earnest about it.
Marc:Yeah, and you should be.
Marc:So I'm going to take some hits.
Guest:I'm going to take a few hits.
Guest:But that's the beauty of music is that it is...
Guest:Those people are lowering all their guards.
Guest:And especially when you have like a cool person, then suddenly when they do a thing and they're super sensitive, then that's like the most effective thing ever when it's just like, oh, look, they're showing their humanity.
Guest:And then the shield goes back up as soon as they're done with the song.
Guest:But that's the thing with music is you're exposing yourself and there's no getting around that this is a sincere version of yourself.
Marc:That's true.
Marc:That's what always was so horrifying about it.
Marc:There's no way for me to sing confidently.
Marc:If I'm going to sing, it's going to be pretty earnest.
Guest:Yeah, but after decades with these comedy mutants that you're now suddenly supposed to just be like...
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Hey, I'm just going to play and it's going to just be heartfelt.
Guest:And there's nothing other than that here.
Guest:Like I'm not.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:There's no jokes tonight.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:People are like, I got a lot more support than, and I'm not really hung up on it, but it's just like, I was never the confidence thing.
Marc:Like people who have their karaoke songs.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Who the fuck are those people?
Marc:I do.
Marc:I have some karaoke songs.
Marc:You do?
Marc:Oh yeah.
Marc:You sing karaoke?
Guest:Oh yeah, I like karaoke.
Guest:You do?
Guest:Sure.
Guest:Does everyone know this?
Guest:A lot of people know it.
Guest:I'd like karaoke a lot, huh?
Guest:But it's I don't like doing it in a club like if it was like it just scares me You know, I'm not judging people who have their songs It's just why I like it in a room where it's me and a few of my friends and you shut the door And you're just doing it for you.
Guest:It's not in that not in a bar club.
Marc:We're out of strangers and stuff No, I'm not doing that.
Marc:Oh, just like a clubhouse.
Guest:Yeah karaoke go to the thing and you rent a room.
Marc:Oh, okay
Guest:Yeah, I'll go rent a thing.
Guest:I'll go... There was a time when... You'd rent a room for karaoke?
Guest:When it's a few friends, you go rent a... There's karaoke rooms.
Guest:Really?
Marc:Yeah, there's places that rent a room.
Marc:I see.
Guest:I was like, oh, there's six of you.
Guest:Okay, go to room eight.
Guest:No kidding.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like a studio situation.
Guest:That's exactly what it is.
Guest:So you guys would just sit down and watch each other sing?
Guest:Yes, and everybody has fun in the room, yeah.
Guest:It's a nice time.
Guest:Six people?
Guest:Six people.
Guest:Maybe eight.
Yeah.
Guest:It's low pressure.
Guest:It's low pressure then.
Guest:Because then there's people.
Guest:Everybody's all over the map in terms of their singing ability.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's kind of a nice way.
Guest:It's non-judgmental.
Guest:Not judgmental.
Guest:Right.
Guest:It's nice.
Marc:I've always been impressed with people who can do it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But surprising.
Marc:I have memories of it.
Marc:It was always terrifying to me.
Marc:And I didn't even know if I would do it today.
Marc:But you go to certain parties back in the day.
Marc:And there's a karaoke situation going on.
Marc:I don't even know what songs I would sing.
Marc:But Scott Aukerman did Radiohead.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:Don't leave me high.
Marc:High and dry.
Marc:High and dry.
Marc:And I was like, holy fuck, doing a full falsetto.
Marc:And I'm like, that was impressive.
Marc:Now I know that about that guy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then Ardwick would come out and do like Zeppelin or whatever the fuck it was.
Marc:I saw him do it two or three times.
Guest:I thought you were going to say he would then come out and do Radiohead.
Guest:No.
Guest:Like he saw another comedian do Radiohead.
Marc:No, but he had a full-on, fully formed karaoke personality.
Marc:Yeah, which is not surprising.
Guest:Then he would do a show talking about the karaoke.
Guest:Yeah, and then he would go in the back and yell at his girlfriend.
Yeah.
Marc:But um so the music though Outside of the karaoke and the driveway.
Guest:Oh, I just don't have it in I just don't have it in me to be sincere with it I just feel like I've
Guest:I've made fun of too many things too much, and suddenly for me to do, I just don't feel, I would, it would just not feel natural to me to be like, here's a song I wrote about a thing, and it's like, I would just feel like, who am I doing a song thing?
Marc:Do you ever think like, what, because you and Worcester are friends, and he's like a, you know, just a monster drummer, can do anything, but do you ever feel like, you know, what form...
Guest:would best express you know your musicality yeah i think at this point i i've always thought i would be a better music manager like i would just be like look guys i know what's cool i know what i would want to see in a band find some dummies and just completely mold them into
Guest:Like that, I would be much better.
Guest:I'd be like, no, that song sucks.
Guest:You're not doing that one.
Guest:Change this to that, but never perform the thing.
Marc:Yeah, right.
Guest:Just kind of... I would have been much better at that.
Guest:That would have been satisfying.
Guest:That would have been a better fit for me.
Marc:What do you listen to?
Marc:To make yourself feel better in these times of the garbage fire.
Guest:What do I listen to?
Guest:I listen to... I hate when people ask me that question.
Guest:No, I'm okay.
Guest:I listen...
Guest:I've been listening to a lot of the OCs.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:This album they did.
Guest:Yeah, the OCS album is like this quiet album that I just like.
Guest:It is like a perfect cool down album for me to just listen to.
Guest:And it just like...
Guest:It's like, oh, this is... My head feels okay.
Marc:This is easy.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:That's nice.
Guest:Because sometimes it's just like with loud stuff, it's like everything's loud.
Guest:Like there's some version of volume to everything now.
Guest:It feels like we're all, like you were saying, we're under attack all the time.
Guest:And it's just like...
Guest:it's okay to be like nice to yourself.
Guest:And it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I started like the one thing I did, I started working at this, like volunteering at this food bank.
Guest:Oh yeah.
Guest:Trying to be like, yeah, it's the best thing I ever did.
Guest:Like it started, it started in the weirdest way.
Guest:It's like the, remember that movie sausage party that was like the, Oh yeah.
Guest:Seth Rogen and the hot dogs supermarket.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Having sex with each other.
Guest:And like, did they get away with some joke on that?
Guest:That was like, cause I saw the trailer for that.
Guest:I'm like, you couldn't,
Guest:pay me to like this this movie like presses some button in me that upsets me like yeah anthropomorphic food yeah so I tweeted that I was just like how much would I have to get paid to see this movie I was like and then I was like yeah I think I need $800 to see this movie and then listeners like we'll pay I think well what if we start a go fund me you
Guest:$800 to see the thing, and I'm like, I'm telling you right now, I'm keeping the money.
Guest:Like, if you do it, it's... Because then people are like, yeah, it'll be great.
Guest:Give the money to charity.
Guest:I'm like, no, I'm telling you.
Guest:If you give to this thing, I'm keeping it.
Guest:It's going into my pocket.
Guest:And then...
Guest:And I'm going to buy Milk Duds, peanut M&M's, popcorn.
Guest:The money came in.
Guest:They actually raised the money.
Guest:And then I was like, I can't keep this money.
Guest:What am I, a monster?
Guest:So then I gave the money to this food bank in New Jersey, the community food bank in New Jersey.
Guest:And then I like...
Guest:I was like, hey, I just... And I figured I'll match it on my own.
Guest:So it was a nice check.
Guest:So I contact them.
Guest:I'm like, hey, I just want to give this money.
Guest:And they're like, oh, well, what's the story with this thing?
Guest:It's like, well, you know that movie.
Guest:So now I'm explaining to some...
Guest:Why are you donating $800?
Guest:You know the movie Sausage Party, right?
Guest:And she's like, no, I don't know what that is.
Guest:It's like, well, it's a thing with a hot dog having sex with a nut.
Guest:Like, I'm trying to... Like, look, just take the check.
Guest:And then I started volunteering there, and it's like the most...
Guest:It's like the most, it's such a great grounding thing.
Guest:Anytime I start to get like really anxious with the world, I just go there.
Guest:And then it's just like, it's like, no, no, you're just put, you're filling boxes with food that go to people that can't get out of their house.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You just sign up for a shift and you pack boxes for a few hours.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's just like, it's like, oh, so we do have some control over the world.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:In the immediate sense.
Guest:Yeah, in terms of the people actually in your backyard.
Guest:And you can actually, you spend a few hours doing a thing, and then you and a group of people who you maybe have nothing in common with, you all packed boxes, and now it's like 500 families have food now.
Guest:Oh, that's great.
Guest:And what it led me to was this thing where it's just like, these shitty people are not the country.
Guest:They're not the country.
Guest:They have their hands on the steering wheel right now, but they are not America.
Guest:They are just...
Guest:driving the bus right now.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And that's a temporary thing.
Marc:Into a wall.
Guest:Yes, exactly.
Guest:Into a wall.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But it's still just like you have to remember the larger sense of things.
Guest:And it's like there's worlds that are not their world.
Right.
Marc:Yeah, people, like, you know, underneath it all, underneath all the noise and the garbage fire, you know, there's, you know, people still sort of, like, you know, having lives, helping other people, you know, doing the right thing, you know, communities, you know, and also mobilizing for political action to vote and that.
Marc:There's stuff happening, and there's people, you know, showing up for other people, and that's what America really is.
Guest:Yeah, it really, and it's just, like, those are the people, like, the idea that you live in a place and there's people...
Guest:Like not on the other side of the world that are hungry.
Guest:It's like people like a mile away from you don't have food.
Guest:It's insane.
Guest:So it really strips it down and it makes it kind of kind of like reaffirms the humanity for me of things.
Guest:That's great.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But service.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But then I still go there and I end up getting like.
Guest:They'll be like some retired guy who's just kind of like boss.
Guest:Like, just like, don't tell me how to.
Guest:He's like, hey, you need to cut the box.
Guest:Like, we're breaking the boxes up that had the thing.
Guest:Put them in that.
Guest:He's like, put them in that one, not that one.
Guest:He's like bossing me around.
Guest:I'm like, who the fuck are you?
Guest:You're going to tell me what to do?
Guest:It's like, you don't work here.
Guest:Like, you're just a volunteer like me.
Guest:Like, Paul.
Guest:Like, I read his name tag.
Guest:It's like.
Guest:The sticker.
Guest:Yeah, just pack.
Guest:Don't worry about yourself, Paul.
Guest:With the thing, like.
Guest:No, if you want to get those boxes, go get a knife from that table.
Guest:It's like, calm down.
Guest:It's amazing that in the purest thing, I still find an enemy to rally against.
Marc:Hey, you know, those guys who are retired and decide they still need to do stuff, go either way.
Marc:Could go either way.
Marc:Either they're sort of magnanimous, kind of like back-in-the-day guys.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Or there are guys who are sort of like, no, when I had a store, this is how we did it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And that's how Paul was at the food bank.
Guest:I don't know what you're going to get with it.
Guest:Just kind of telling me how to do my... It's like, look, I'm not a kid here at the food bank.
Guest:Did you say that to him?
Guest:No.
Guest:You just sucked it out?
Guest:I just was like, you...
Guest:I'm going to do the boxes twice.
Guest:I'm going to show you how it's done, Grandpa.
Guest:Watch how fast I break these boxes down.
Marc:He's got some part, like a daughter or grandkid who's sort of like, Grandpa, you should go help people.
Marc:Nah, I'm not going to.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, you're just sitting around yelling at the TV.
Marc:Go help people.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Go yell at real people.
Guest:You haven't bossed anyone around in a while.
Guest:Stop bossing us around.
Guest:Go boss some people around.
Guest:It's so funny at that food bank, though.
Guest:It's like nobody... There's every stripe of person is there volunteering except for, like, other, like, cool people.
Guest:Like, for lack of a better... Yeah.
Guest:Like, people who I would relate to as, like, my scene or whatever.
Guest:I've never seen one person there.
Guest:That's interesting.
Marc:Yeah.
Yeah.
Marc:Well, I think I like when I think about myself in that, like I've started to, you know, as I made more money, you know, I give to charity.
Marc:I give more to charity.
Marc:You know, I do feel like on some level, you know, when people get good things out of my show, the podcast, and they tell me about it, that I'm doing service.
Marc:I donate a lot of books that I get sent to libraries, but I don't get into it.
Marc:I could just go down to central office and answer AA calls for a couple hours.
Marc:I have a direct channel through AA.
Marc:I could make coffee.
Marc:I could set up chairs.
Marc:I could go down to central office and get calls from people in trouble and tell them where they can go.
Marc:But I don't make the time for it.
Marc:And I think there is something about showing up and being selfless that is that is good for, you know, not only the community, but yourself.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, it really does help if you feel like for me, if I feel like the energy is just kind of overflowing and I kind of don't know where to put it, just going there and kind of.
Guest:exhausting myself doing that stuff yeah it just you just leave you just like you left something there and it actually kind of burns off the yeah the the bad stuff sure yeah it's not it's good you feel like you're you're actively being uh helpful and human yeah how's new jersey it's great i love it yeah yeah i kind of wrap my head around i just like that's where i like being
Marc:Yeah, I miss it.
Marc:And I haven't lived there since I was six.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Do you go to farmer's markets?
Marc:Vegetable stands?
Guest:Yeah, there's all sorts of that stuff popped up everywhere.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:There's stuff everywhere.
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:Mm-hmm.
Guest:Tomatoes?
Guest:You get all of it, yes.
Guest:Every kind of vegetable you may want.
Guest:Yeah, you get nice peaches.
Guest:Big zucchinis?
Guest:Yeah, you get bell peppers.
Guest:They've got all of it.
Guest:Mark, they've got every vegetable.
Guest:It's the garden state.
Guest:It's like a grocery store outside.
Marc:I'm starving.
Marc:You ready to eat?
Marc:Sure.
Marc:Did we get it done?
Marc:I think so.
Marc:This is nice.
Marc:I think we helped people.
Marc:We talked.
Marc:You fixed me, finally.
Guest:If ultimately we did a real service for people.
Guest:Look, the word hero gets thrown around a lot.
Marc:I don't think there's another situation where it could apply more than what we did on these mics today, Tom.
Marc:Yes, exactly.
Marc:So...
Marc:So let's go celebrate.
Guest:You're welcome for our service.
Marc:You are welcome.
Marc:And it's great talking to you, and I'll make some salmon.
Guest:Great.
Thank you.
Guest:It's in your head.
Guest:At the island where you built a balloon main stream.
It's in your head.
It's in your head.
It's in your head.