Remembering Bob Saget
Marc:Hey, people.
Marc:This is the worst thing that happens, is having to repost an interview with someone we did at another time because they've passed away.
Marc:And we had to do it a couple of times recently.
Marc:And it's always sad, but Bob Saget has passed away.
Marc:And I just really needed to say that...
Marc:Bob Saget was really one of the nicest people that I knew.
Marc:Was just the nicest guy.
Marc:And so fucking funny.
Marc:But I just think it's important to recognize, look, none of us are perfect.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I certainly don't know what people are going to say about me when I pass away.
Marc:But I think it's important to know when somebody is as kind and big hearted as Bob Saget.
Marc:And so fucking funny.
Marc:I know I said that already.
Marc:And so dirty funny.
Marc:Dirty funny Bob.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:but he was always there if you needed him.
Marc:And he was always there to, to be a friend, even if you didn't know him that well.
Marc:And, uh, always made me laugh, but Jesus, what a nice guy.
Marc:And, and it's just so fucking sad.
Marc:And I don't know any details.
Marc:I don't know anything about it.
Marc:I just know that he's passed away.
Marc:We don't do this much anymore, if at all.
Marc:But Bob was on years ago in 2010.
Marc:Uh, that's, that was a full interview.
Marc:Uh,
Marc:We'd only been doing the show for like a year.
Marc:But we used to have people back who we liked, and I love Bob.
Marc:So the second time he was on, it was recorded in 2014 when his book Dirty Daddy came out.
Marc:And then he came on again a third time in 2017 when he did a stand-up special, Bob Saget Zero to 60.
Marc:So please enjoy this as a tribute and as just sort of a remembrance of
Marc:Really, the greatest service I can do with these episodes is...
Marc:to remind people and allow people almost immediately after they're struck with the news that someone has passed, you know, who they were when they were alive and engaged and being usually their best selves.
Marc:So this is me talking to Bob Saget over a series of years, the first in 2010, the second 2014, the third in 2017.
Marc:My guest in the garage here at the Cat Ranch is Bob Saget, and we're going to talk until we start sweating too much.
Marc:I want to talk to you until Turkey Burger comes out of you.
Marc:Yeah, well, there's one right here.
Marc:I didn't know when you were coming, so I went ahead and made a line.
Guest:It's nice the way you made it.
Guest:It sounded like a pita.
Guest:That's what I like about broadcasting is they really don't know how good or bad that is.
Marc:This is excellent.
Guest:Yeah, you like it.
Marc:I make my own food, Bob.
Marc:Do you have someone who makes your food for you?
Guest:No, I have stopped eating.
Guest:I'm on liquid and methamphetamine.
Marc:Finally?
Marc:Oh, good, good.
Marc:A lot of people are doing the crank now.
Marc:Yeah, the methamphetamine is very popular.
Guest:Most of my blood has been changed.
Marc:That's terrific.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And you look great.
Guest:What else is going on?
Guest:Well, it's all rosacea.
Guest:Oh, so this is all an illusion.
Guest:Everything.
Guest:Yeah, you're about to melt.
Guest:I have one of Ruth Buzzy's old wigs on.
Marc:You know, I didn't want to say anything because I just thought, like, he's a celebrity.
Marc:You know, after a certain age, what's going to happen?
Marc:Who are they going to pretend to be?
Guest:When I go to Home Depot, all I buy is duct tape just to keep myself together.
Marc:Or to keep the people at the counter guessing.
Marc:They don't know why.
Guest:And they're sagging again.
Guest:What's he doing in here in Home Depot?
Guest:I went to Home Depot and bought a door once and built a doggy door.
Marc:Really?
Guest:On your own?
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:It took me a year.
Guest:I'm not kidding.
Guest:I kept using the jigsaw to keep the door smaller and smaller to finally fit the door frame.
Guest:And then it did.
Guest:And then I wanted to put it into this new thing that I had bought, a doggy door, which was 80 bucks that I saw online.
Guest:And my dog, who's no longer with us, I think he died as a result of this experiment.
Guest:It was a magnetic collar that would unlock the door so that a coyote couldn't get in from one side was my thought.
Guest:Right, right.
Guest:But it would unlock it so he could go out.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then the collar would let him come back in, but not a coyote unless it had him in its mouth.
Guest:And then he wouldn't go out of this door.
Guest:So I spent a year with five coats of primer and five coats of paint and all kinds of stuff so he wouldn't hurt himself.
Guest:My King Charles Spaniel getting through the door frame and then hooked it all up.
Guest:And then he put his head up against it and turned away from it and never went back to it.
Guest:That was it.
Guest:Well, so then I had to replace the new doggy door, which was all mechanical, with just a rubber one, like a flap that was there before, which you could use.
Guest:Old school.
Guest:Old school, just where the luggage comes out.
Guest:And then it rained and the door disintegrated.
Guest:Completely disintegrated.
Guest:It was particle board.
Guest:I didn't know that because it was Home Depot.
Guest:It seemed heavy enough.
Guest:The entire door fell apart like wet cardboard.
Guest:It was like a refrigerator box that you used as a Ford that just fell apart.
Guest:And my dog looked at me like, you idiot.
Guest:I could have told you how stupid you were.
Guest:And then he died.
Guest:That was it?
Guest:Soon after.
Guest:Right after he said that to you?
Guest:He got prostate cancer.
Guest:No, he did not.
Guest:Yes, he did.
Guest:And my dad had nose cancer, and we kept thinking something happened.
Yeah.
Guest:I'm not kidding.
Guest:That was the joke around the house.
Guest:My dad didn't die from it, even though his nose was... My dad's nose was so big, it was actually a donor for other people's noses.
Marc:What kind of nose cancer?
Marc:I had that.
Guest:Basil cell?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:You make me want to do a spice rack joke.
Marc:Like a sun cancer?
Guest:Like you had to go get...
Guest:No, it was just some of the... His nose literally had, I think, one of his siblings coming out of it.
Guest:It was gigantic.
Guest:My nose is big.
Marc:The lost saget?
Marc:The lost saget?
Guest:He had a congenital twin that didn't really appear until he was in his 60s?
Guest:It was the size of the noses on Mount Rushmore.
Guest:That's how big it was.
Guest:You would pray that a sphinx would happen to him and it would just be knocked off.
Marc:Now, you've been around... You know what's weird?
Marc:I keep thinking about it.
Marc:I doubt you'll remember it.
Marc:I bought that air conditioner at Home Depot and it's not working.
Marc:It doesn't work well.
Marc:I thought you were going to tell me you bought it when we toured together.
Marc:No, we never toured together.
Guest:No, but we were in places at the same time.
Marc:You're a little older than me.
Guest:Yes, I am.
Guest:I'm 54.
Guest:I'm older than you.
Marc:I'm 46.
Marc:So you came up with who?
Marc:You came up with Reiser and Seinfeld and those guys?
Guest:Yeah, the first comedian that Paul Reiser claims he saw do well before anyone was, not before anyone, opening for someone, was me opening for Rupert Holmes at The Diplomat in Florida.
Yeah.
Guest:The diplomat.
Guest:Yes, and Paul came down.
Guest:I'm trying to remember who he was with.
Guest:It was with Mark Schiff, I think.
Guest:Mark Schiff, yeah.
Guest:And I think George Wallace.
Guest:It was four comedians that came down to watch Bob bomb, basically, in front of Rupert Holmes.
Guest:It was a diplomat, so the whole audience was blue-haired.
Guest:Bob being you.
Guest:Bob being third person.
Marc:I'm talking like Martin Lawrence.
Marc:That's fine.
Marc:You can do that.
Guest:I talk like I'm an urban act.
Guest:Bob wouldn't do that.
Guest:That's not right for Bob.
Guest:Yeah, Bob's not comfortable talking about this because when Bob leaves here, he puts his, what do you call it?
Guest:A Glock in the car.
Guest:Yeah, the Glock.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Or a nine.
Marc:Do they still use nines?
Marc:And I say they in a very racially inappropriate way.
Marc:Bob's people do.
Marc:They do.
Marc:They use nines and glocks and a blunt.
Marc:And a blunt.
Marc:For the other thing.
Guest:For that other thing.
Guest:All right, so you're down to Diplomat.
Guest:You're opening for Rupert Holmes?
Guest:And the joke was, he wrote Pina Colada's song, right?
Guest:So his second song was called Him.
Guest:So I said, I liked working with him, him, him.
Guest:And then he wrote Drood on Broadway, and he won the Tony Award.
Guest:And that's the way that goes for him.
Guest:That's how that happened.
Guest:Paul Reiser and I were about the same time, and when I came out to L.A.
Guest:in 78, the people that I had come up with were Gary Shandling and...
Guest:And I had my appendix out.
Guest:And Jerry and Lucy Webb and Jimmy Brogan all came to visit me at UCLA when I was 21.
Guest:You were 21 years old?
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:My appendix came out.
Guest:And I let it grow as its own human being, and it became Joey Kamen.
Marc:Joey Kamen, who is very funny, started as your appendix, and nobody knows that.
Guest:No one knew it, and he put a tennis ball in his mouth, and then spit it out of my appendix hole.
Guest:We didn't continue with the air conditioner.
Guest:I didn't find out fully.
Guest:It doesn't work, is what you're telling me.
Marc:I don't know what to do with it.
Marc:I sit here and sweat with celebrities, and I feel uncomfortable.
Marc:You've got foam core to make it hotter, actually.
Marc:I mean, foam core is for the sound.
Marc:But now I got the doors open because I can't help it.
Marc:But I think what I'm trying to do is like, oh, I remember what I was going to tell you.
Marc:I remember a guy that I worked with on the road that I don't know if you would even remember.
Marc:He was a secondary character who died not too long ago.
Marc:His name was Frankie Bastille.
Marc:I know that name.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:He was a miserable little headliner who had a drug problem.
Marc:He used to talk like this.
Marc:He's one of these rock and roll guys.
Marc:And he used to tell me because at the time I started out or when I was working with him in the late 80s, you were on the sitcom already.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:Right?
Marc:Yeah, I got on there in, what, 86 or 87?
Marc:Right, so that was around the time that I was starting to do comedy.
Marc:And this guy was telling me- And where were you out of?
Marc:What city?
Marc:Well, at that time, I kind of- Were you in San Francisco for a while?
Marc:I was, but I started really after college.
Marc:I went to the comedy store.
Marc:I was a doorman there.
Marc:I got all fucked up on drugs in a year, and I went back to Boston.
Marc:That's not even possible.
Guest:How could that have happened?
Marc:I know.
Marc:I was the only guy there who got fucked up on drugs.
Guest:in the late 80s it was the weirdest thing I'll go down in history as the one guy who had a drug problem at the comedy store in 1987 I lived in that room for seven years I started at the comedy store in Westwood and then in 87 it was 87 no yeah no yeah we'll be right back it was 78 when I started there and then 87 when she had just opened the Westwood store so you remember yeah I'd been open for a while I helped close the Westwood store so you were hanging around with Kenison as well I got him his first spot at the OR
Marc:in the original room yeah they told her to watch him but you didn't really have to be told to watch Sam you know hey listen to this guy listen you don't need a microphone yeah but you know what was weird to me is when I met Frankie was that I knew Frankie how did he die
Marc:Well, he just had a heart attack and he was a junkie.
Guest:Just that?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But he was this obscure guy that didn't even want... He didn't want to be advertised when he was at a club so the IRS wouldn't know where he is.
Marc:He was one of those guys.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But he said that... I remember being shocked because he said you were filthy.
Guest:Yeah, I didn't even think I was.
Guest:I still don't think, I mean, sometimes I think I'm too much.
Guest:I mean, how much can you say fuck, you know?
Marc:No, I can say it a lot.
Marc:But the interesting thing is, is that the country's perception of who you were and who you were when you started comedy, I mean, you were kind of, you weren't like an autobiographical comic.
Marc:You did jokes.
Guest:No, I did jokes and some stories, but most of them were just silly.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Dirty silly.
Guest:And let me do as many dick jokes as I can because it's silly.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Because I was told as a kid, you can't say any of that stuff.
Guest:So I stayed like a kid who just talked silly, you know?
Guest:wanted to say dick over and over again and you can't you can actually if you go over if you just go on stage and say dick yeah 200 times yeah uh if you forget to do it then they'll say what'd you do tonight and you'll say i didn't do dick up there tonight and then you're got then they make fun of you but i don't think you can i mean i don't curse for the sake of cursing that's that's the actual truth
Marc:No, I don't think it was cursing, but you like to push buttons with how filthy you can be.
Guest:My first jokes were always, and they're more perverted than anything else.
Marc:They're bad.
Guest:It's like pedophilic stuff.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:That hasn't changed.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, that's good fun.
Marc:I mean, people forget what fun is.
Marc:It's solid.
Marc:Well, that's what I told the court.
Marc:What the hell's wrong with me?
Marc:You're not sweating at all.
Marc:You look tan.
Guest:Where were you, in Florida?
Guest:No, I have high blood pressure.
Guest:I have an hour to live.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, I was outside.
Guest:That'd be a great way to close the show.
Guest:I was outside.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Bob Saget is dead.
Guest:That would be the best closer.
Guest:I've been spreading that on Twitter, but they know it comes from my account.
Marc:So they don't believe it?
Guest:I'm dead again.
Guest:I was in Vegas this weekend.
Guest:I did not go out in the sun, but the room had a heat lamp.
Guest:Where in Vegas?
Guest:I was at the Orleans, which is an amazing comedy room.
Guest:How long were you there?
Guest:Saturday and Sunday night.
Guest:It's the room where I went and saw Rickles a couple months ago with Jeff Garland and Jeff Ross because it was Jeff Garland's birthday and we all worship Don Rickles, so we went to go pay homage and...
Marc:You went to Vegas to see Rickles?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And how was it?
Guest:I've seen him a few times.
Guest:He's a friend of mine now.
Marc:Who Don is?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They all are.
Guest:How about Shecky Green?
Guest:He's in the car.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Because I kind of want to interview him, but I'll do it later.
Guest:I love Shecky Green.
Guest:You can't talk to him right now.
Guest:He's unconscious.
Guest:But he still works.
Guest:I talk to people about him because I was always fascinated by him.
Guest:Why?
Guest:Because of the whole Vegas thing.
Guest:He was a renegade and he drank a lot and he drove his car into the fountain at Caesars.
Guest:We're all comics.
Guest:There's nothing you can do about it.
Guest:I was watching TV last night.
Guest:And with my daughter, well, I said she was my daughter.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She believes it, though?
Guest:She is.
Marc:She's my daughter.
Guest:I've never done anything but treat her like a dad in the positive way.
Marc:Yeah, that's good.
Marc:Yeah, sure.
Guest:Not the guy that pretends that that's being a father.
Marc:Right, right.
Guest:Legit.
Guest:Well, yeah.
Marc:Yeah, good.
Marc:How many do you have?
Guest:I have three at the moment.
Marc:You know them all?
Guest:I'll have more.
Guest:I know them by name.
Guest:I know their addresses because I have to send the checks for everything they do.
Guest:I got to re-sign a lease for one of their apartments.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:How old are they?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:You don't know.
Guest:They're 23, 21, and 17.
Guest:Your daughters.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Holy shit.
Guest:But they're Siamese triplets.
Guest:Oh, that's awesome.
Guest:Yeah, so it's just one place.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:But it's weird the age difference and they're still triplets.
Marc:That must be very hard on your wife to have one dangling from her vagina for a year.
Guest:Well, let's not talk about her vagina, but they were born rectally.
Marc:Oh.
Guest:But see, that's how I can do it.
Guest:That's what I can do.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And then my daughter stares at me and goes, why did you say that?
Guest:And then I call them and go, okay, this is going to be in the Examiner in New York.
Guest:This is something I said.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:No, I have actually, they're brilliant.
Guest:They're much smarter than me.
Guest:Do you have kids?
Marc:I have none.
Marc:I have no wife.
Marc:I have no kids.
Guest:You want it?
Guest:You know, at this point, I think that it's a stupid question anyway, because people ask me, would you have kids again?
Guest:Would you get married again?
Guest:It really is.
Guest:Do you love somebody and do you want to have kids?
Marc:i don't know you know i think at this age if i'm gonna have a kid it's probably the conversation around it will be something like uh well what do you want to do with it you know it's not going to be let's plan it you know it's going to be like okay i fucked up but i'm old enough to handle it i think that's how it's going to go right well is that a bad way to approach it no whatever's honest is what i mean do you when you hold someone's kid yeah do you run for the fence with the kid yeah
Marc:Yeah, as soon as someone puts a baby in my hand, I start running with the baby.
Guest:That's what I do.
Guest:It's like making a drop.
Guest:You got to do it fast.
Marc:It's like, where do I put it?
Guest:Right.
Marc:No, I like it.
Marc:Do you like it?
Guest:Do you hold the kid?
Guest:Do you feel like... I held a baby last night, and this all sounds bad when I say it, but I held my friend's baby.
Marc:It sounds worse.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But you're referring to an actual baby.
Marc:That's not slang for something.
Marc:A horrible little girl.
Marc:It just gets worse.
Guest:I really shouldn't be allowed to speak anymore.
Marc:Go ahead.
Marc:No, I think it's fine.
Marc:There should be an injunction.
Guest:Yeah, okay.
Guest:But she was just adorable.
Guest:And it made me think, could I have a... I'm 54.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So for me to have kids again, it's unusual.
Marc:No, I mean, but you know what they say?
Marc:They say, guys can always do it.
Guest:They can, but then you don't want to be a grandfather.
Guest:You don't want to be 80 years old and have a kid in high school.
Guest:I mean, I don't want to die on my kid.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Well, I feel that, too.
Marc:I mean, people say that to me, and I feel it, too.
Marc:I don't want to, you know, how much longer can I wait?
Guest:So, again, I wouldn't mind having, like, a football player kid, like an 18-year-old boy that's a big, strapping strong kid just drag me around because I can't walk anymore.
Marc:Yeah, throw you over his shoulder.
Marc:Carry me.
Guest:Carry me like there was some kind of, you know, Revolutionary War days.
Marc:Yeah, well, I think, well, maybe you should get to work on that.
Marc:So we started Rickles.
Marc:You're watching TV with your daughter, and what happened?
Guest:And we watched Louis C.K.
Guest:'s new show, FX.
Marc:Yeah, last night.
Marc:Last night.
Marc:I watched that episode.
Guest:I didn't know which one was last night.
Guest:They gave me a DVD.
Guest:My agent sent me a DVD, and I watched four of them.
Guest:What was last night's episode?
Marc:The one with the kid who said he's going to beat him up in the diner.
Guest:I didn't see it.
Guest:Oh, because he didn't want to date his sister?
Marc:No.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Guest:No.
Guest:It's just great.
Marc:You like it.
Guest:And what I like about it is what we all want to do, which is find your voice, whatever we are, whoever we came from, whether you never want to have a kid or never had a girlfriend or whatever, and just be who you are.
Guest:And he's more than ever just being who he is.
Guest:And it's his, you know, people go, oh, that's his curb.
Guest:You know, yeah.
Right.
Guest:Is it though?
Guest:It's pretty unique.
Guest:It's your own voice and Seinfeld was Seinfeld in a great commercial television way.
Guest:It doesn't get any better than that for that.
Guest:And Curb is Curb and Woody Allen's probably the palette of all of it.
Guest:I mean, you look at what Woody did.
Marc:I noticed a little of that last night with Louie.
Marc:Louie and I have been friends for years, and I hope to get him on the show.
Marc:And I have to overcome my mild jealousy and resentment to appreciate.
Guest:Well, that would make you guys good friends, because you can say goodbye without even having to handshake.
Marc:That's true.
Guest:I adore him.
Marc:Yeah, me too.
Marc:And last night when I watched it, I was sort of like, it mixes up.
Marc:What it doesn't do that those other things do is engage a real, there's a heart to it, and there's a filmic sort of tone to it.
Marc:He's consciously a filmmaker, and he's outside of being a comic.
Marc:It's unique.
Marc:It looks rough around the edges, but it's really pretty controlled.
Guest:And he's not apologizing.
Marc:No.
Guest:He's telling you how, I mean, I saw an episode, and I don't know if it's aired yet.
Guest:I probably shouldn't talk about it if it hasn't, but it's about him and his mom.
Marc:I think it aired.
Marc:I think most of them, I think we're almost done.
Guest:Oh, my God, it's just brutal, you know?
Guest:I mean, I had a Jewish mother that has been through it.
Guest:She's had a very hard life.
Guest:I'm her one and only wonderful kid, you know?
Marc:Your only child?
Guest:Yeah, well, the other two passed away, and there were two more that passed away.
Marc:What?
Guest:So I was a survivor of four.
Marc:Really?
Guest:Yeah, so I'm the opposite of, well, they saw my act.
Marc:Oh, Jesus.
Marc:Was it all at once?
Marc:It was a family gathering?
Marc:All at once, everybody.
Marc:Horrendous.
Guest:They took their own lives.
Marc:Did you really lose that many?
Guest:I did.
Guest:I had one from scleroderma, which is a big benefit that I do all the time.
Marc:And you made a film about that.
Guest:I did.
Guest:I did a thing years ago.
Guest:Your sister, right?
Guest:Yep.
Guest:Thanks for knowing that.
Guest:Dan Delaney starred in it.
Guest:It was called For Hope, and we're on the board of this scleroderma research foundation.
Marc:What is that?
Marc:What is scleroderma?
Guest:It's a hardening of the skin.
Guest:Sclero means hard, and derma is something you can order in the deli later.
Marc:Yeah, sure.
Guest:Stuffed derma.
Guest:Stuffed derma, yeah.
Guest:But it's skin, so it's a... Is it a rare disease?
Guest:It's a potato latke disease that you eat.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, it's kind of rare, but there are hundreds of thousands of people that have it.
Guest:I just know the rap sheet on it because I'm on the board, but as many people have it as cystic fibrosis and MS, and it's not as publicized.
Guest:A lot of people think it's because it's a bit of an orphan disease.
Guest:It mostly affects women in their childbearing years, which I look at all women.
Marc:Sure.
Guest:As possibly ready to go.
Guest:Rearing.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:But it's a cause.
Guest:I'll give the website after that.
Marc:Sure.
Guest:Go ahead.
Guest:Defame the disease in all women.
Guest:No.
Guest:It's srfcure.org.
Marc:Well, I mean, I think what people don't know about you, perhaps, is that not only do you do this and you directed the film about it and you're involved with that, but I read something recently that, would you just buy a wing on one of your kids' schools or something?
Marc:Did you donate some money?
Guest:No, I don't think I did.
Guest:I just do benefits as much as I can.
Marc:That's all you do?
Guest:I just do.
Guest:I try to raise money for everybody, you know, that I care about.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And usually it's my kids or other people's kids.
Guest:I don't like when people are sick.
Guest:So it's not that I'm a sucker to be philanthropic.
Guest:I try to give whatever I can.
Guest:If I'm fortunate, then that's nice.
Guest:I like being able to do that.
Guest:But I like to give of my time and help raise money for stuff if I can.
Guest:I mean, it feels lucky if we can put people in a room and then they can raise... Like scleroderma, we raised over $20 million over the past 20 years.
Marc:That's amazing.
Guest:We're doing one November 8th at Caroline's in New York.
Guest:We just did one here at the...
Guest:Beverly Wilshire with Craig Ferguson, Ray Romano, Sarah Silverman, and BJ Novak, and Bill Bellamy.
Guest:So that's like, it's us, you know, going out and do it.
Guest:I'd love for you to do it sometime.
Marc:Yeah, let me know.
Guest:If you wouldn't go on stage saying that you just don't like, you're jealous of, you have to say you're jealous of Louis C.K.
Guest:and then dwell on that for seven minutes.
Marc:I can do that easily.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I do that already.
Marc:I already have jokes about it.
Marc:I actually say I don't know when I'm going to see my friend's successes as anything other than a tax on me.
Guest:I do not know why Louie had to call his show fuck Marc Maron because I think that's how you see the title yeah that's how it comes out of my television that sounds very you gotta get a different set yeah I know maybe it's your signal's getting scrambled something's going wrong I used to be I used to it's funny when I was in film school at Temple University I just graduated and what year did Annie Hall come out like 78 maybe that's okay so 74 to 78 was my college and
Guest:I was in downtown Philly with my girlfriend, and she became my wife, and then my ex-wife, and the mother of my children, and the keeper of the checks.
Guest:And she, and I saw Annie Hall, and I was so upset after seeing Annie Hall, because I said, I remember saying, I can never, I'll never make anything that good, ever.
Guest:And I was 21, and
Guest:And I think I've kept my part of the bargain on that.
Marc:Yeah, good for you committing to that.
Guest:Right?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, I watched it the other day with my girlfriend, who was also forever 21.
Guest:No, she's older.
Marc:How old is she?
Guest:She's in double digits.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Marc:That's good.
Guest:It's a start.
Guest:But watching Annie Hall with your girlfriend is kind of a dream for any comedian.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:At least I didn't have to watch it with my mom.
Marc:Did you say that again, though?
Marc:What, that it was a dream for any comedian?
Marc:No, did you say that to your new girlfriend, that you're never going to be able to do anything like that?
Marc:No, I didn't.
Guest:I said, isn't this great, and here's why.
Guest:You've grown up.
Guest:I haven't made anything that great, but I certainly understand it now.
Guest:It's just a really, really, really well-written thing, and well done, isn't it?
Marc:Oh, it's beautiful.
Guest:I don't think there'd be anything... I don't think there'd be a lot of what we're talking about here, whether it be... Well, it never happens.
Guest:...Turb or Louis C.K.
Guest:It's about a comedian who's an artist who teaches the people... And he learned from all the people that are the masters.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:Larry Galbart and Neil Simon, they all came out of that school.
Marc:Yeah, but that's right.
Marc:I think it was because of his situational comedy background.
Marc:I mean, everything in that...
Guest:is a piece of situation comedy that you even like the bits mixed with a reflection whether it be therapy or just whatever it takes to know yourself well now once you know yourself if you can put then put that into writing and then put that into you know wow acting wow yeah then you find out whether or not people really like you and then that doesn't matter
Guest:doesn't it my first joke first joke that i ever wrote when i was 17 that was a joke the rest were comedy songs was when i was a kid my mother said when you grow up not everybody is gonna like you and i said i need names and now i have i have the list i know who they are you can just google
Marc:The people that don't like you?
Guest:It's so simple.
Guest:Critics were always something that hurt everything.
Guest:There were a couple of critics here and there.
Guest:Are we in the fort in Stand By Me right now?
Guest:Are we going to find a dead body?
Guest:You need to open the door, don't you?
Guest:Can you put something in front of it?
Guest:Like the air conditioner?
Guest:It's not going to stay open, Mark.
Guest:Not like that.
Guest:Here, put this hammer in front of it.
Guest:No, I'm serious.
Guest:Here's a hammer.
Guest:I got a hammer right here.
Guest:Oh, that broom's going over.
Guest:That broom is not going to stay.
Guest:Trust me.
Guest:I went to Home Depot and built a door.
Guest:Look, put the hammer with the broom.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You've got a jar full of... You've got a jar.
Guest:You've got two... I don't want to say... That's a good name for something.
Guest:It's a claymation show.
Marc:I'm looking at two jugs.
Marc:Claymation Jews are smashed by different tools?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'd pay to see that.
Guest:Yeah, me too.
Guest:So here's a double A jar of batteries and a triple A. A little teeny jar of batteries.
Guest:Two different jars.
Guest:Are you OCD?
Guest:No, they're for two different things.
Guest:Well, I see that, but I can tell the difference between a bigger and a smaller battery.
Guest:So I can put them all.
Guest:I actually have batteries in one drawer of two different sizes.
Marc:Oh, and you just separate them?
Marc:Look, I just wanted to make it nice in here.
Marc:So you just decided to do it.
Marc:Two jars.
Marc:Started with there.
Guest:Yeah, separate size jars.
Guest:The rest of the...
Guest:It's a work in progress.
Guest:You have things from a carousel slideshow projector.
Guest:I do, yeah.
Guest:You need a woman who loves you and who you love and who is OCD and will say, how do you live in this shit?
Guest:We've got to redo this.
Guest:And then she gets you to.
Guest:Do you have one of those?
Guest:I have a girlfriend who is very good at wanting to have some structure.
Guest:and to not have around a bunch of stuff.
Guest:And it helps me gut my life so I can be anew, so I don't stay in my old, just physical, to change physical stuff.
Marc:This is the only room that I have for this.
Marc:I mean, this stuff is important stuff.
Marc:I mean, those carousels, that's my family.
Guest:What do I do with the VHS tapes in my garage of every episode of Full House?
Guest:They're melted.
Guest:They've been in the garage.
Guest:Are they still in there?
Guest:They're in there.
Marc:Are you every episode?
Guest:I was young.
Guest:I had a show.
Guest:I didn't know what would happen.
Guest:I think it's dust.
Guest:You have carousel slide projectors.
Guest:If I have an episode of Full House on VHS, those are carousel slide projectors.
Guest:Are those your trips to the Catskills?
Marc:Those are my parents.
Marc:They're parents at the World's Fair in 1966.
Marc:It's my family, my parents.
Guest:They've been in the heat box that we're doing this interview in right now.
Guest:They're garbage.
Guest:They're dust.
Guest:They're the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Guest:They've dissolved.
Marc:Yeah, they opened the Ark of the Covenant and that was it.
Guest:And those slides just disappeared.
Marc:Maybe, maybe, I don't know.
Marc:So you still have the VHS of Full House.
Marc:That's hilarious.
Marc:I have VHS of a lot of stuff.
Marc:Me too.
Marc:I got a few of them, but they're no good.
Marc:You got to get them digitized.
Marc:I don't want to.
Marc:What am I going to do?
Marc:Watch it?
Guest:What am I going to?
Guest:Watch Full House?
Guest:Well, it's good that you've let that go.
Guest:Let it go.
Guest:I'll get a disease if I watch it.
Guest:I mean, I'd rather be on insulin.
Guest:I mean, I can't watch that.
Guest:I walk into my daughter's room sometimes.
Marc:You know how many episodes you did?
Marc:190-something.
Guest:My joke is asking my favorite episode.
Marc:What's your favorite episode of Full House?
The last one.
Guest:But, you know, I was lucky.
Guest:You're lucky.
Guest:But then again, that's not the, you know, I'm the luckiest guy.
Guest:I'd be a moron, right?
Guest:Right.
Guest:But I got a job because I was fired from another job on CBS.
Guest:I did a Richard Pryor movie, and then I got offered full house.
Guest:And I was lucky to get the job on CBS I got fired from because I was too hot for morning TV, and I was really lucky to be in it.
Guest:Too hot?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You said cunt?
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:I just talked fast.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:And cunts don't understand that.
Guest:And then I got in this Richard Pryor movie, which was a dream.
Marc:What year was that?
Guest:Critical condition, 86.
Guest:So right when he was starting to go down?
Guest:Yeah, I'm always around for that.
Guest:You know, I got to be with him and become friends with him, which was, you know.
Marc:Did you meet him at the comedy store?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I got bumped one night, and Mitzi said, you're not going on.
Guest:Richard's here.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And that was her way of saying, you just keep on going for your dreams.
Marc:Now she just says, is Bob Saget here yet?
Guest:I think Richard's going on.
Guest:She just had her birthday and I couldn't go and I sent her flowers.
Guest:You did?
Guest:I did.
Guest:Very sweet of you.
Guest:I just wanted to let the Jews out there know that they put me back a little bit.
Guest:They were expensive flowers.
Marc:I guess I shouldn't make fun of Mitzi.
Guest:No, well...
Guest:People are what they are.
Guest:Without that path, I wouldn't be where I am.
Guest:In the hottest garage I've ever been in in my life.
Guest:Is it pretty bad?
Guest:No, actually, you're sweating more than I am.
Marc:I sweat because I'm very focused.
Marc:Well, you just ate a turkey sandwich.
Marc:I ate some coffee.
Guest:I ate earlier.
Guest:I had turkey meatloaf earlier.
Marc:You did?
Guest:The Jew will tell you what it ate.
Guest:Always.
Marc:Is that in the guidebook?
Marc:The Jew will tell you what it ate?
Marc:It's Marlon Perkins.
Guest:It's like what the North American Jew does.
Guest:It will tell you what it drank.
Guest:Ask the Jew what it drank.
Guest:What did you have to drink today?
Guest:Zen soda.
Marc:Zen soda?
Guest:I believe it was a refresh kind.
Guest:Is that good?
Guest:Zero calories.
Guest:Made me feel good.
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:And you had that with the turkey?
Guest:I had it with the turkey and a little, yeah.
Guest:No bread?
Guest:No.
Guest:No, I'm not eating bread.
Marc:Oh, and how about, like, maybe there's something on the side, salad, any pickle?
Marc:Do you have a pickle?
Guest:Didn't have any pickle.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:Trying to remember what else I ate.
Marc:I ate something else.
Marc:Look at that.
Marc:It's a pepperoncini.
Guest:I like those things, but they give you gas, don't they?
Guest:Everything gives me gas.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:Well, I don't have gas much anymore.
Guest:You don't?
Guest:Nope.
Guest:Go straight to shit.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Good for you.
Guest:Yeah, because sometimes the gas is just a preemptive way before you crap.
Marc:So did you decide on comedy because you just couldn't muster up the confidence to do filmmaking?
Marc:Is that what you're telling me?
Marc:No, I got into film school.
Guest:I won the Student Academy Award when I was 21.
Guest:I got flown out by the Academy.
Guest:What Academy?
Guest:The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
Marc:Oh, no shit.
Guest:The Academy.
Guest:I met Howard Koch and I met Spielberg.
Guest:I actually walked up to Woody Allen at the Hilton because I was so cocky that I...
Guest:Won the student Oscar and yeah, he didn't accept Franny Hall and I told him that I wasn't accepting the Student Academy Award Yeah in respect to him.
Guest:What'd he say?
Guest:He laughed he did that yeah, he was really nice He said good luck and all kinds of the have you met him since four words no And I'm I consider him fortunate that he hasn't had to so this is after you went to film school I
Guest:While I was in film school, this movie I made about my nephew having his face reconstructed called Through Adam's Eyes.
Guest:It was an 11-minute black-and-white documentary.
Guest:It was the thing.
Guest:What happened to your cousin?
Guest:My nephew.
Marc:Your nephew.
Guest:He became my cousin, and then everything helped.
Guest:Oh, that's great.
Guest:He's amazing.
Guest:He's an amazing man.
Guest:Very successful guy now.
Guest:Why did he have his face reconstructed?
Guest:I needed to make a movie about it.
Guest:Oh, so you just bashed his face in?
Guest:As hard as I could because I wanted to get something going for my career.
Marc:You said, quit crying, we're doing something here?
Guest:Yeah, and we filmed it.
Guest:Kind of like, a little bit like punk, but a little different.
Marc:Yeah, a little good.
Marc:And you guys are okay now, though, right?
Guest:Yeah, we're best friends.
Guest:We're besties.
Guest:And then I came out here to go to USC Film School.
Guest:I got into NYU and USC Film Grad School.
Guest:I went for three days to USC Grad School, but I quit because I had gone up when I won the Student Oscar.
Guest:I was in L.A.
Guest:from Philly.
Guest:They flew me out here, and Mitzi said, you should work here.
Guest:You should work here at the Comedy Store.
Yeah.
Guest:And I did.
Guest:You had done no comedy?
Guest:I had done stand-up in Philly and New York.
Guest:I used to wait in line and do catch and the improv.
Guest:And the comic strip?
Guest:I was 17 years old.
Guest:Didn't do comic strip.
Marc:I did it later in life, but not in my... So the improv on 44th Street and catch up on 78th?
Marc:Yes, 81st and 3rd.
Marc:81st and 3rd, yeah.
Guest:And I would sign the sheet and wait 12 hours and did it.
Guest:And my first hosts were Belzer and Barry Diamond at Catch.
Guest:And at the improv, Chris Albrecht was the manager.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And Robert Wall was the emcee and the doorman.
Guest:No kidding.
Guest:And Silver was Silver.
Guest:And they both said Silver.
Guest:I didn't remember.
Marc:No, Bud.
Marc:It was Bud then.
Guest:But they hadn't sold the place.
Guest:I don't know if it was.
Guest:Yeah, it hadn't sold.
Guest:It was an ambiguity.
Guest:It was still the only improv, correct?
Guest:Yeah, correct.
Guest:And I remember the first thing that Albrecht said to me and Robert Wall in the same night, which Bud never stopped saying to me no matter where I am, is, you're blocking the hallway.
Yeah.
Guest:And that was what they said to me.
Guest:So the thing that makes me, when people say to me, can you get me on at this club and that club?
Guest:I go, yeah.
Guest:You want to go up on a Monday or Tuesday?
Guest:If I can, I'll help you.
Guest:But then what are you going to do?
Guest:Call the owner every weekend and say, please put them on on Tuesday.
Guest:Do it again.
Guest:But I waited in line, stood in line, signed the sheet.
Marc:That shit doesn't exist anymore, though.
Marc:I mean, the lines, the sheet.
Marc:Comics, they just do little rooms where comics produce shows.
Marc:Which is great.
Guest:It's okay.
Guest:Well, you know, you can go up to... Where are the places here in town?
Guest:I have no fucking idea.
Guest:I mean, it was M-Bar for a while, right?
Marc:Well, that show has moved to the UCB Theater.
Guest:And Largo's not around anymore?
Marc:Largo is now at the Coronet down on La Cienega, so it's in a larger theater.
Guest:But they call Largo... Largo's still called Largo.
Marc:Largo at the Coronet.
Guest:Largo's at the Coronet.
Guest:It's like saying the comedy store is at the Hyatt.
Guest:Yeah, they do that.
Guest:Which it is.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You can hit it from there.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:If you jump.
Guest:Running start.
Guest:I was there that night.
Marc:You were there when he killed himself?
Marc:No.
Marc:What was his name?
Guest:I showed up at night, ambulance chaser that I am.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What was his name?
Guest:He was a friend of mine, Steve Lebetkin.
Guest:You knew him?
Guest:He was a friend of mine, like an actual friend of mine.
Guest:I don't like it when I see those kind of things from friends.
Guest:I become the narcissist.
Guest:I become the guy.
Guest:That's my version of going, why did he get that show?
Guest:It's like, what fuck does he have to upset me or her by killing themselves when I value life?
Guest:I get really, really angry.
Guest:I don't care how nuts they are.
Guest:At people who kill themselves.
Guest:At people who kill themselves.
Guest:Take your goddamn medication, get a family member, and fucking stay alive.
Guest:It bothers me.
Marc:Well, at that time... I like them.
Guest:I don't want them dead.
Marc:Right.
Marc:No, I understand that.
Guest:That makes sense.
Guest:I hate it.
Guest:What is it?
Guest:You had a bad set?
Guest:You had a bad year?
Guest:You couldn't get on?
Guest:Fucking go cut deli.
Marc:But did he know he had sickness?
Marc:I mean, at that time, there was no Prozac.
Guest:I had no clue he had sickness.
Marc:I knew he was depressed.
Marc:We're all depressed.
Marc:I know, but manic depression was barely diagnosed at that time.
Marc:I mean, what was it, 1978?
Guest:Manic depression was fairly popular.
Marc:No, I know that, but the only thing they had was lithium.
Marc:No, they had other stuff.
Marc:I knew people on all kinds of crap.
Marc:Really?
Marc:In 1978?
Marc:Is that when that happened?
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:About then?
Marc:And this guy, you know, he... He couldn't get any spots.
Guest:You should have looked.
Guest:Did you see his seven minutes?
Guest:You know, he had a good three.
Guest:Was he funny?
Guest:He was funny.
Guest:He used to do an impression of a Jewish pimp, and he had a hat with two bagels on either side, and he would go, hustle, hustle.
Guest:And then he would take the same bagels and put them on his ears and go, look, Princess Leia.
Guest:You know, prop stuff.
Guest:Did he jump with the bagels?
Guest:I don't think he jumped with any props.
Guest:He was about as low as... You know, it's just... I don't want to dwell on this because we both know the same people that in the past 10 years have gone.
Guest:Rich.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Just sucks.
Guest:But then there's new people coming up that are positive, that are really cocky, that we can resent.
Marc:No, I know, but the weird thing about Rich Jenny is that I was working his weekend in Chicago the night that he did it.
Marc:And, like, me as a narcissist.
Marc:Did you think it was your fault?
Marc:No, I didn't think it was my fault, but I thought, like, what does this mean?
Marc:You know, why am I the guy that is doing his weekend that he canceled because he was too depressed?
Guest:It means you're doing a favor for the muses.
Guest:You know, you're doing something good.
Guest:I always turn that into, because I've lost two sisters and...
Guest:To the same disease?
Guest:No, one was scleroderma, and the other, again, she saw my act.
Guest:Yeah, and just dropped dead.
Guest:Yeah, she just had a, she'd had a brain aneurysm.
Guest:She had a rough time.
Guest:But, you know, and so I've lost, you know, and I've lost a bunch of friends, and I just want to be happy, you know.
Marc:Are you?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How do you do it?
Guest:Just happened.
Guest:I've been to a lot of therapy, to be honest with you.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm tired of myself.
Guest:I can't.
Guest:And I like to be new.
Guest:I like to have new newness in my life and the way I do things and stuff.
Guest:So I had my penis completely tucked.
Guest:Really?
Guest:It actually hangs out of my ass.
Guest:That's interesting.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's like a tiny little tail.
Marc:That's why I can do it.
Guest:It's like Shallow Howl.
Guest:Remember that Jason Alexander has that?
Guest:Uh-uh.
Guest:It's at the end of Shallow House, the punchline to the entire film.
Guest:But it was a while ago.
Guest:It's not like giving the end of Inception.
Marc:Well, look, okay, let me just ask you a couple questions before we get lost.
Guest:I'm not saying I'm happy all the time by any means.
Marc:No, I know, but look, you were the dad.
Marc:On the TV show.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I've been able to get through that.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And you did America's- And that's a two-dimensional show made, a really good, really good- Full House.
Guest:Is a good two-dimensional show made for 14-year-old girls.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But you did 200 episodes.
Guest:Something like that.
Marc:And then you were that guy for- On the video show for 200 episodes.
Marc:200 episodes of America's Funniest Home Videos.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So I'm that guy for those people forever because I did 80 hours of work a week being a character.
Marc:And on both of those shows.
Guest:And being a clip host of a clip show.
Guest:Believe me, dude.
Guest:How much did you hate yourself?
Guest:Seriously.
Guest:I was so tired, it helped me to not hate myself.
Guest:So tired in what way?
Marc:What do you mean tired?
Guest:I also had a good life.
Guest:You know, I was very fortunate.
Guest:Money doesn't give you happiness, but you can buy happiness with money.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:And like what?
Guest:Good...
Guest:You know, you can buy medicine.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Houses.
Marc:Houses.
Guest:Cough syrup.
Guest:Friends.
Guest:A lot of codeine.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, sure.
Guest:I got three healthy daughters.
Guest:You know, you always say healthy.
Guest:You always say that, so no one has an arm growing out of the middle of their head.
Guest:Right.
Guest:No Three Mile Island kids.
Guest:We live in a world where a Three Mile Island doesn't even get a laugh anymore.
Marc:No, no, people don't even know what it was.
Marc:It's a shareable.
Marc:Chernobyl, nothing.
Marc:Nothing.
Marc:It's not a world we live in.
Marc:It's like the past is the past.
Marc:And Hiroshima never got a laugh.
Marc:No.
Marc:Ever.
Marc:Ever.
Marc:It was funny briefly.
Marc:It was funny briefly.
Marc:Depends on what you were wearing that day.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:We couldn't use it.
Marc:It was before our generation.
Marc:Ask Shecky Green.
Marc:Who got laughs out of it?
Marc:Ask Shecky.
Marc:He was drunk in the fountain.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I saw him at Nate and Al's, and he wants to work, and he's very funny.
Marc:I want to go interview him for the show.
Guest:He'll tell you all about it.
Guest:I'll tell you his experience.
Guest:Is he clear?
Guest:Is he clear-headed?
Guest:I think so.
Guest:He was when I was going through his pants.
Marc:So you had no self-hatred about all those shows?
Guest:Yeah, I had a lot of, you know, my silly, my funny career is that people always go, oh, he's not the guy that you know from those shows.
Guest:I did the shows for eight years, and I've been 15 years of experiencing, well, let's see, what year is this?
Guest:This is 2010.
Guest:So they went off in 98, right?
Guest:Or 95, 96.
Guest:Well, what's her name?
Marc:One of the twins is on the cover of something today.
Marc:You know her?
Yeah.
Guest:I know, one of the twins.
Guest:That's how people, see how people, look how they label people.
Guest:And I was the dad on that show.
Guest:Well, don't expect to see him do that.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I was in Vegas this weekend.
Guest:Nobody was surprised.
Guest:In other words, what I was saying was I've been who I am longer than the thing's been off.
Marc:So that's past.
Marc:You don't get that anymore.
Marc:Well, no, I do.
Guest:I use it.
Guest:I think it's funny.
Guest:I mean, it's like saying, yeah, it's a supreme joke of pop culture that I got to do that.
Guest:And that you're this filthy one-lier comic.
Guest:I love that I'm not even that filthy.
Guest:Come on.
Guest:The new show I'm doing for A&E is called Strange Days.
Guest:I'm not going around cursing.
Guest:I don't even have to get bleeped much.
Guest:It's a documentary comedy show, so I don't host it.
Guest:It's not in the camera.
Guest:It's just me going somewhere and living with an unusual lifestyle, subculture of society.
Guest:You live there.
Guest:I live in a nice hotel all the time wherever I go.
Guest:I mean, I'm not ridiculous.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I joined a motorcycle club and rode in a sidecar from Nashville to Daytona.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:That's the bitch seat.
Guest:Well, I tried to ride a motorcycle.
Marc:What happened?
Guest:You want me in the bitch seat.
Guest:Trust me.
Guest:I mean, it's an option of do you want to see the other six get shot or just have me smeared?
Guest:Am I roadkill or do we make more?
Marc:You couldn't ride the bike?
Guest:No.
Guest:Then because I didn't... Because I was in the... Do you ride a motorcycle?
Guest:No.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Because I was in the sidecar, we shot one where I looked for Bigfoot.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I'm in the Pacific Northwest with infrared gear.
Guest:I joined a fret in Cornell.
Guest:I went to Vegas and we did the out... Jeff Ross came and helped me out.
Guest:Late at night, we did the...
Guest:i guess a lost vegas episode we did the mint 400 we retraced the hunter s thompson thing and jeff was kind of my laszlo uh-huh and um we did a bunch of other ones uh i went to camp i just got back actually from shooting in a camp you went to camp i never had gone to camp as a kid so here i was with no did you yeah where were you
Marc:I went to camp in New Mexico and I went to camp in Pennsylvania.
Marc:Was it fun?
Marc:It was okay.
Marc:My parents didn't want me around.
Marc:So that was the core of it.
Marc:But yeah, I went to a music and arts camp in Pennsylvania for two years in a row and they let you smoke and play guitar.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:It was great.
Marc:I just smoked and played guitar.
Guest:Well, it's like that now.
Marc:But although these kids didn't smoke, it was a really nice... I think kids don't smoke like they used to, do they?
Guest:Not cigarettes.
Marc:No.
Guest:I was with 14, 15-year-olds.
Guest:There was still an innocence, even though there wasn't.
Guest:There really was.
Marc:The kids are still innocent now?
Guest:The ones they put me with.
Guest:Until you got done with them.
Guest:Now none of them can barely... They can't walk.
Guest:um they have to learn somewhere i went to ukraine and helped guys get mail order brides really yeah you went to the ukraine uh-huh holy shit yeah so with this thing will be on uh in months ahead called strange days so that whatever we're doing right now yeah it'll have it'll have plugged it somehow yeah well you don't know when it's going to be on yeah not yet no we're cutting it right now we're waiting to find out and you want me to hold this right oh you can do whatever you want what are you pointing at
Marc:You want me to not... You want me to hold this, right?
Marc:You want me to wait to put this up?
Marc:Yeah, it won't matter.
Marc:Nothing matters.
Marc:Oh, Jesus.
Marc:Happiness is good.
Guest:You're not happy, right?
Guest:No, I'm all right.
Guest:No, but you're not.
Guest:I'm anxious.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You know, I have a lot of fear.
Guest:You're going, when are the things... You know, that's the enemy.
Guest:What?
Guest:Fear is the enemy.
Guest:Of course it's the enemy.
Marc:Period.
Marc:Shuts you down creatively.
Marc:I'm not saying when is the thing.
Marc:I'm just saying, is this it?
Guest:Well, then say that until they lower you into the ground, but it doesn't matter because it is.
Guest:It just doesn't matter.
Guest:I mean, people are going to me all the time.
Guest:It's just all I came here for.
Guest:I don't fucking know.
Guest:I got shit to do.
Guest:Maybe.
Guest:But when you sit at home, you're like, I'm good.
Guest:I don't sit too much.
Guest:I work a lot.
Guest:All right, so that's your thing.
Guest:Well, I like to work.
Guest:I also like being with my girlfriend.
Guest:I also enjoy my kids.
Guest:I'm very fortunate.
Marc:That's a full life.
Marc:You got a full life.
Guest:And you used the word full in a sentence.
Guest:But no, I have a full life.
Guest:I'm very lucky.
Guest:My mother's alive, so you can't have everything.
Guest:Well, when does this air is the question.
Guest:No, she's good.
Guest:I took her to dinner last night.
Guest:Is she here?
Guest:Not in the building, but she's in Los Angeles.
Marc:Did you move her out here?
Marc:Is that how that works?
Guest:Yeah, a long time ago.
Guest:She's in the Holy Land, west of the 405.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:And she...
Guest:you set her up that's so nice did that feel good to be able to set your mom up well she lives in the street oh i just dropped her but she doesn't but you check out you drive around you see her the blue bus i don't know if you got money or not yeah yeah yeah but she uh you know she gets the french fries with no salt so they're healthier yeah yeah every time we go out i get the french fries no salt my mother's never eaten a french fry
Marc:ever.
Marc:What's your mom like?
Marc:She's like 119 pounds and she's got bleach blonde hair.
Guest:When you say she's 119 pounds, is she fighting?
Guest:Does she go to Vegas?
Marc:She's in a lifelong fight against fat, Bob.
Marc:It's all about... Is your dad alive?
Marc:Sure he is.
Marc:Are they together?
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:Divorce.
Marc:They're divorced.
Guest:That's a new thing that they did a long time ago, right?
Marc:Well, no, I never quite recovered from it because I was 35.
Marc:Why didn't you recover?
Marc:Because who am I going to live with?
Guest:Where am I going to put my bookshelves?
Marc:No, no, it was later, and they got divorced, and my dad's nuts, and my mother's nuts, and they're okay.
Marc:Gratitude is what it is, Bob.
Marc:They want gratitude?
Marc:No, that's part of happiness, no?
No.
Marc:Yeah, being appreciative.
Guest:But you can't make that happen.
Guest:You have to choose, though.
Guest:What do you mean?
Guest:No, that doesn't happen organically because we're supposed to wake up in the morning and be appreciative.
Guest:You can't tell that to a self-pitying Jew bastard.
Guest:I don't appreciate it.
Guest:And then I realized when I slapped myself around... You know what?
Guest:I used to be depressed.
Guest:When I was 29, I was depressed for like a year.
Guest:I'd be depressed a year at a time.
Marc:Like you can't get out of bed depressed?
Guest:A little bit of that, but I would always work, but it just, you know, wasn't happening.
Guest:I'd always be funny.
Guest:I'd always go on stage, whether I had a job or not.
Guest:I didn't have a job for eight years, you know, and would go do, you know, Yickels and Fuckwad, and then stand there and, you know, have fun.
Guest:And the worst part would be, you'd be
Guest:you know as a comic because we're just talking because we're comics yeah i you go on stage and you just we had the comedy store in its heyday it was robin and richard and and um and red fox would come on and really yeah in this in the what in the late 70s uh yeah joey cayman joey cayman joey gainer yeah harris pete yeah and and i'd uh skip stevenson yeah david letterman
Guest:David Letterman, one of the first people I met when I got accepted as a regular.
Marc:You remember him as a comic?
Guest:Yeah, I told him he could sleep with my cousin.
Guest:You did, and did he?
Guest:No, no.
Guest:I remember Leno had seen me do, I saw Jay do a joke and it made me laugh so hard.
Marc:He was at the store as well?
Guest:Yeah, mostly the improv, but the store too, but it's pre-strike.
Guest:I remember he did a joke.
Guest:He said, what is it with incest?
Guest:I just like anybody that would do traditional comedy, but then put their spin on it.
Guest:To hear Jay do perverted humor made me laugh back then.
Guest:What was the joke?
Guest:What is it with incest?
Guest:Your mother's opening up the oven and getting out the meatloaf, and you're looking at it, and she's bending over, and you're going, all right, Mom.
Yeah.
Guest:It was his Boston version of being turned on by the big pilgrim woman picking up a meatloaf.
Guest:And I said to him, that's really funny.
Guest:Of course you would like that.
Guest:I mean, oh my God.
Guest:I was so fucked up.
Guest:I just laughed at anything perverted.
Guest:Who else was around then?
Guest:Mike Binder?
Guest:Billy Crystal?
Guest:No.
Guest:Mike was 17, Binder.
Guest:Mike was the first comedian I saw when I was 20 years old when I won the Student Academy Award.
Guest:And then he said he had a friend named Dave Coulier that needed a place to stay when he came out to L.A.
Guest:And so this is 10 years before we did Full House.
Guest:Or eight years before we did.
Guest:Really?
Guest:I met Dave in Detroit and then asked Dave to stay on my couch.
Guest:And that was the premise of the sitcom, too.
Marc:Did you pitch it?
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:I was hired after someone else was released.
Guest:It was a show by Miller Boyette and Jeff Franklin.
Guest:And John and Dave had done it already.
Guest:i was doing the show in new york and then they didn't know what they were going to do and then i got the job at the last minute huh it was a weird thing binder was funny wasn't he great and he is funny he's a really great guy and you can make a good film too yeah i wish i was around like i went i was at the store in 87 yeah so it was way after yeah i was just about i think i just gotten a job and left but i remember it was so competitive and so weird it's still weird over there yeah yeah
Guest:But it's comics, and it's supposed to be weird, you know?
Guest:We're all supposed to be what we are.
Guest:I was watching this Louis show on FX, which I am a little obsessed with, though, having watched it last night.
Guest:And I watched four of them.
Guest:And just to see him go into the Comedy Cellar in New York and watch that, it's...
Guest:It's romantic as shit what we do.
Guest:I mean, it might be sick.
Guest:And he gave a speech, and he says, you know, we have 15 minutes up there.
Guest:That's our lives.
Guest:And he shows the other comics who say nothing, and they're all like, so these guys got nothing.
Guest:They just got that 15 minutes.
Guest:It's a very funny cut, too, because it's kind of true, you know?
Guest:You're as good as your last spot.
Guest:It's fucking true.
Guest:Unless you don't, you have enough self-worth that you realize...
Guest:No, this is a craft, and it's... Do you have that?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I'll do a set, which I'll know will be... I went up and did Chocolate Sundaes a couple weeks ago at the Laugh Factory, which is an urban night.
Guest:And my first line was, where's all my tall, neurotic Jews in the house?
Guest:And then that was the uphill.
Guest:So then I started to just hit too hard.
Guest:I just was trying to score, because I wanted to...
Marc:Wanted black people to like you.
Guest:Very much.
Guest:You just want to kill with every audience or not kill.
Guest:If you're going up with a crowd that is rowdy, if it's a rock and roll type crowd or a college crowd, you can't be looking at your notes.
Guest:You've got to entertain everybody.
Guest:And it's a workshop.
Guest:I just did Vegas this weekend.
Guest:And it's like surfing, you know, and you don't wipe out and you just keep going.
Guest:And it's a pretty amazing form to be able to do.
Guest:So I'm pretty professional about it.
Guest:You are.
Guest:You've always been real professional.
Marc:Yeah, I'm pretty professional.
Guest:I do know that like... You're as depressed before you go on as off.
Marc:Yeah, right, yeah, on stage, off stage.
Marc:You're consistent.
Marc:Very consistent.
Marc:I'm consistently inconsistent.
Marc:That if they don't come around to where I am, we're going to be in trouble.
Marc:But it's not really that, that's not really true.
Marc:I was in Atlanta, and it was the last show, and it's this weird small room where you do two shows a night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Marc:Where was it?
Marc:At the Laughing Skull.
Guest:Oh, that's owned by, I like that guy.
Marc:Marshall Child.
Guest:I like him a lot.
Guest:I did that club, The Funny Farm.
Marc:Funny Farm, yeah.
Guest:And he loves, what I love about him is that he loves comedy.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:And like the last night.
Marc:And he's funny, too.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I had great shows.
Marc:And there was a couple in the last show, and they were drunk, and they were exuding problem.
Marc:They were just going to be a problem.
Marc:The room was too fucking small.
Marc:And I knew backstage, I was like, this is going to be my last show, and they're going to fuck it up.
Marc:I'm going to have to babysit.
Marc:You preordained it.
Marc:And then Chris Tucker stops by to do a guest spot, which is weird on my show.
Marc:What was he doing there?
Marc:He lives there.
Marc:He does?
Marc:Yeah, so he comes up and does 10 minutes.
Guest:He's so funny.
Guest:I want to see him do stand-up more.
Marc:You do?
Guest:Was it good?
Marc:Yeah, it was all right.
Marc:People were very excited to see him because he's a guy.
Marc:They know him from the movies or from the billboard or whatever.
Marc:And then I got up there.
Marc:If you've seen the billboard, you'll love the comedy.
Marc:Well, then I get up there, and they had removed the couple that I knew was going to be a problem.
Marc:Now it's all on you.
Marc:Right, yeah.
Marc:I was so ecstatic.
Marc:I was like, they're gone.
Marc:And everybody else was relieved, and we had a nice time.
Marc:But I guess that's true.
Marc:You've got to walk.
Guest:Well, you hold on to the one person that tells you.
Guest:When I did this...
Guest:I did a set, and I guess it was here in town before I went to Vegas last week, because I've gone up on tour, so I want to make sure that I'm good.
Guest:And I just went too far.
Guest:Sometimes I like to be clean cut and even just go up, and I'm just going to see how funny I can be and not rely on just saying, you know, fucking this.
Marc:You're doing it the Jeff Garland style?
Marc:Well, I don't like to... You go up with no material, or you got jokes?
Guest:No, I do both.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I love that he can do that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But he has material.
Guest:I mean, he just...
Guest:I mean, he's more prepared than I am sometimes.
Guest:But I went up, and I offended somebody.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I was really blue.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:It was just a couple weeks ago, and two older people walked out, and I said, do you have to go somewhere?
Guest:I think I insulted them.
Guest:Did they say anything?
Guest:Apparently, you're not going to have sex, you know, because it wasn't good.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:And the guy said, you're just not funny.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:And I just hadn't heard that in so long.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Guest:I always say, it's always weird when you meet somebody and they go, are you going to be funny?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, no.
Guest:When you get on a plane, do you ask your pilot if he's going to get you to Cleveland?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So our back's already up.
Guest:We're already the kid behind the dumpster ready to start a fight.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, we chose.
Marc:Are you funny?
Marc:You know, sometimes.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So at that moment, at that moment, you're just not funny.
Marc:Did it hurt?
Marc:No, which is why the therapy is paid off.
Marc:That is a good sign.
Guest:I was not hurt.
Guest:In fact, what it did was I acted out a little bit.
Guest:I became a little more 11 years old.
Guest:I just started to needle them a little bit.
Guest:Yeah, sure, of course.
Guest:As they left and then apologized because they knew it was so wrong to make fun of them after they were gone.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then said probably what they were doing and where they were going.
Guest:After they left?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:Oh, you kept going.
Guest:They're going to get back to Chatsworth.
Marc:And was that killing?
Guest:No, because it was mean, and I kept apologizing for how mean it was.
Guest:You couldn't help yourself.
Guest:Couldn't help myself.
Guest:And it made me feel better, and then I was able to let go of it.
Guest:It took me about two minutes of apologizing for ragging on them.
Marc:It did hurt your feelings.
Marc:You just chose not to feel pain, and you got defensive, and you just made them pay, and then you felt bad about that and apologized.
Guest:But then I felt good enough because I wasn't that mean in making them pay.
Guest:I found a gentle way.
Marc:To make them pay.
Marc:To make them pay.
Guest:That should be the name of your next CD.
Marc:A Gentle Way to Make You Pay.
Guest:I think anybody would read or see anything with that title.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:A Gentle Way.
Guest:It's a good indie film title.
Guest:A Gentle Way to Make You Pay.
Marc:That just is like... Just about a guy who's like so mean and so smooth that people walk away and they go, holy shit, my ass is bleeding.
Marc:I didn't even notice it.
Marc:If you...
Guest:If you made that as a screenplay, an independent film, that could be like your 500 Days of Summer.
Marc:A gentle way to make you pay.
Guest:Yeah, it sounds like you're getting back at the women that have hurt you.
Marc:Written and directed by Marc Maron, produced by Bob Saget.
Marc:Can I have some money?
Guest:And that's what it comes down to.
Guest:Well, first thing you need to do is get some fucking air conditioning.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Seriously.
Guest:You didn't tell me I'd be in Dachau for the interview.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:Are we in a train?
Marc:I think we could quit if you want.
Marc:No, I'm never leaving.
Guest:This WTF is everywhere.
Marc:Yeah, it's gotten very popular, and people seem to like it, and they like hearing from comics.
Marc:They like hearing us talk.
Marc:The interesting thing is nobody knows.
Marc:I talked to Dave Attell for an hour and a half, and I don't think anyone has ever talked to him that long.
Marc:I like him a lot.
Marc:I recently did an episode with Judd Apatow.
Marc:He loves comedy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'd like to talk to Shannon.
Marc:I knew him.
Marc:You knew him when he was a kid?
Guest:yeah he loves comedy loves comedy and he's obviously funny and he's brilliant yeah he does he just definitely loves he loves it yeah and that's what that's what's attractive to me about all of it when i watch anything when i see one of us like deuce it feels like a family to me at a certain age i just go these are my brethren yes you put a couple hundred people a couple thousand couple million people in front of any of us yeah and the reactions are the same yeah
Guest:I mean, there's only so many ways to skin the cow and sell all the parts.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Watching Louis C.K., I keep dwelling on it because literally it was last night, is watching him deal with a heckler in the audience.
Guest:Oh, you watched that episode, yeah.
Guest:And seeing him at Caroline's.
Guest:I mean, we all live that life.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so what is the violation?
Guest:What do you owe an audience?
Guest:And what is your interpretation?
Yeah.
Guest:of what the relationship is it's your you know his uh speech was that it's it's you have to listen to us because we're on stage and that's you're not supposed to speak back unless i want you to speak right because but where's where's that written yeah you know and my job like i'm i'm this is my plug i'm touring through january you know whatever theaters and colleges and stuff
Guest:And so they're paying money, so I've got to entertain them, period.
Guest:And if I talk to them, I'm responsible.
Guest:If a guy rushes the stage, I did a college a couple months ago, and some kid rushed the stage with a bottle.
Guest:And what he wanted to do was down this weird, I guess it was called ice, some kind of Seagram's product, and wanted me to drink it.
Guest:And I wouldn't drink it, so he pounded it and then threw the bottle to the ground.
Guest:And all I'm picturing is glass coming up, hitting me in the eyes.
Guest:So all I care about is security at that point.
Guest:So at that moment, I don't care that anybody's paid money.
Guest:I'm not going to be killed.
Marc:Your safety, yeah.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But otherwise, they paid.
Guest:But if you're at the Comedy Cellar, Louie's 100% right.
Guest:You don't speak during someone's whole life.
Marc:Well, he's interesting, too, because as a comic, I mean, I've known him a long time, and he was never a guy that liked doing crowd work, that even was comfortable doing crowd work.
Marc:Some guys like to do it.
Marc:Other guys learn how to do it, so they have the skill in place.
Guest:and it's not a necessary thing to do i mean it's like it's like norm mcdonald you want to listen to what he weaves yeah because it's coming from such an unusual place right and louis is um compelling yeah same thing and norm's like that i could sit and listen to norm and go whoa when is this going to turn and here it just turned you know yeah i'm a but like you i mean if somebody talked to me or you they're gonna pay
Marc:We're going to find a gentle way.
Marc:It won't be that gentle.
Marc:No, I've done some.
Guest:And I've had some relationship problems in my life personally because what I've learned about myself is, you know, you throw one rock at me and I got a thousand coming back.
Guest:That happened yesterday.
Guest:Because I'll bring catapults.
Guest:I'll bring artillery.
Marc:I'll hire people.
Marc:One little thing that hurts your feelings.
Guest:And it's not even.
Guest:It's not even that big a deal.
Guest:They don't even do anything wrong.
Guest:I know.
Guest:I mean, they do.
Guest:They're just people.
Marc:They're just human beings.
Marc:How do you feel after that?
Guest:Well, you know what's a good example, which I use a lot in my relationship?
Guest:Shit, I do the same thing.
Guest:Our type, ilk, should be watching James L. Brooks' as good as it gets as many times as we possibly can.
Guest:Because the Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt relationship kind of says it all.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It's like, why would you say something like that?
Guest:And it's just a guy who's so narcissistic and so stupid.
Guest:Not stupid, but so insecure and hurt.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Not looking at you or me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:There's no mirrors in here, are there?
Marc:Yeah, we're looking at each other.
Guest:I like that you have no mirrors in here.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And just do something that fucks it up for somebody that you care about.
Guest:And it can really fuck up.
Guest:A good relationship.
Guest:They fucked up my second marriage.
Guest:She left.
Marc:You must be a fucking terror with that shit.
Guest:Well, I've gotten good therapy for any, if you can find somebody that you can talk to.
Guest:This is anger issues.
Guest:It's anger issues and it's also hurt and it's also not being allowed to do what you want to do and it's not, it's also not owning your stuff, you know, not walking around feeling guilty, whether it be Catholic or Jew guilt, you know.
Guest:Notice I go Catholic or Jew guilt.
Guest:So there's a racism falling somewhere on that.
Guest:You don't call it Catholic guilt.
Guest:No, Jew guilt.
Guest:We hate ourselves.
Guest:Well, somebody else has to.
Marc:What's the immediate solution?
Guest:You can't rely on just all the world.
Guest:You have to hate.
Guest:We've got to do it ourselves.
Guest:But I just think to shorten the window on the angst.
Guest:So shorten the argument.
Guest:Shorten the argument.
Guest:Reason for it say what you want to say and then literally I have a friend that always says this says this to me is a Comedy writers like do a puzzle with a friend You know just do whatever you can do shiny objects in front of yourself change subject for your mind before the rage lock go do something something play Zelda do anything but when you lock in do you have that moment where like you know you feel the effect of what's being said or what's aggravated you and then it's just like a switch turns and
Guest:A switch turns and the bottom of the elevator drops out and there's no rescuing anybody.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Everybody's getting taken in.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And we're wrong.
Guest:We are wrong.
Guest:It's incorrect behavior, but you can fix it.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I guarantee you can fix it.
Guest:Start with throwing out some of this shit in here.
Guest:I'm not even kidding.
Guest:My girlfriend wouldn't tolerate this.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I like some of these things.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, you've got some nice things here.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:What does that say?
Guest:Is that a serenity prayer?
Marc:That's a joke serenity prayer, yeah.
Guest:Oh, it's a senility prayer.
Guest:Yeah, it's a... What is that?
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Go get it.
Guest:I'm just going to tell you something.
Guest:There's a copy of 1984 by George Orwell here.
Guest:Cut in half.
Guest:No, 1984... Cut in half.
Marc:It's cut in half.
Marc:It is?
Marc:Yeah, that's a funny... Look at it.
Marc:It's half the book.
Marc:That's why I have that.
Marc:A friend and I were building shelves, and at that moment when he cut that book in half...
Marc:We laughed for like a half an hour.
Marc:I don't even know why.
Guest:That's really funny.
Guest:That book.
Guest:So if I had a good math mind, which I do not, what is the exact half of 1984?
Marc:Oh, 944.
Marc:942.
Marc:Uh-oh.
Marc:No, 1984.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest:I'm going to do this.
Marc:850.
Guest:There's five Asian guys listening to this that are already yelling at this right now.
Guest:950.
Guest:That's Rickles' way of looking at it.
Marc:950 plus... No, you don't have to do it.
Guest:I'm on my... 992.
Guest:Is that what you're going to stand by that?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, you're right.
Guest:So what you've got sitting on that shelf right there is $9.92.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You don't have $19.84.
Guest:Now, if I'd have known that right off the bat, it wouldn't have made you laugh.
Guest:It wouldn't have meant anything.
Guest:But I wasted a good minute of this time that you can cut out.
Marc:But we were in such a good groove with the anger thing.
Marc:You said, I got to get rid of some of my baggage, and I got to...
Guest:You just have to move on quicker.
Guest:Move on quicker because you're really funny and talented and why not enjoy your life?
Guest:And then you draw people in and you can make money doing it.
Guest:People need to laugh, you know?
Marc:Does it feel good when you hurt somebody?
Marc:When you hurt somebody?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:No.
Guest:All right.
Guest:No, I feel really bad when I hurt somebody.
Marc:While you're doing it or after.
Guest:It never feels good.
Guest:It feels like something, which is why we do it.
Guest:Right.
Marc:We just want to feel something.
Marc:That's right.
Guest:And, you know.
Marc:We've had an effect.
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, and it usually destroys stuff.
Guest:The only good thing about it is the resolve of it can be good, and I'm not just talking about it.
Marc:If you don't do it over and over again.
Marc:I mean, if you really mean it.
Guest:And we do do it over again.
Guest:But I'm not just talking about in a relationship where there's payback sex, you know.
Guest:Yeah, sure.
Guest:Makeup sex.
Guest:But I'm talking about all relationships.
Guest:I know there are relationships that's hard to believe that aren't sexual.
Marc:Right.
Guest:I don't really have it.
Marc:With women?
Guest:With your mom, but I don't really have it.
Guest:Mine's a little, it's hit or miss.
Guest:My mom, that's why I hit her or I miss her.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:But my mom, you know, that's been a lot, eternal trying to understand.
Guest:There's nothing to forgive people that are who they are.
Guest:I mean, I guess it's forgiving, forgetting all that crap.
Guest:But I guess it was Jesus who said, I'll be here all week.
Guest:And he was wrong.
Guest:He was.
Marc:Disappointed a lot of people.
Guest:There was no second show.
Marc:Yeah, and then afterwards they spun that thing into a big, big business.
Guest:It's unbelievable.
Marc:Terrific.
Marc:Terrific.
Guest:Well, it's like Kennison used to say.
Guest:I mean, if he comes back, you know, he used to say, oh, yeah, if I was Jesus, I couldn't wait to come back.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:Remember this sound?
Guest:I can name that song in three notes.
Guest:Right?
Guest:He's the only saver that can whistle through his hands.
Marc:Yeah, I'll be back as soon as I can play the piano again.
Guest:He used to sit on another comedy tour with like a fifth of Jack.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:What was he drinking?
Marc:Black Label's Walker.
Marc:Jack Daniels or vodka.
Guest:And he'd say to me, do you ever get depressed, Saget?
Guest:And I went, yeah, I mean, it was 2 a.m.
Guest:at the comedy store.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:And he said, you ever get depressed, you come see me.
Guest:I'm like, yeah, that's going to solve it.
Guest:Boy, is he funny.
Guest:And that's all, you know, truth is, what are the two things Jesus said?
Guest:Is it the truth will set you free?
Marc:Did he say that one?
Marc:Someone said it.
Guest:He also said, know thyself.
Marc:Yeah, to thine own self be true.
Marc:He didn't say, know thyself?
Marc:Yeah, same thing.
Guest:Well, not exactly the same.
Marc:To thine own self be true.
Guest:To thine own self be true means be honest to yourself.
Guest:Know thyself means you get a good hour set and work on it.
Marc:Yeah, that's right.
Marc:Know your shit.
Marc:Know your shit.
Marc:Yeah, be real.
Marc:Keep it real.
Marc:Keep it real, bro.
Marc:Right on, man.
Marc:So we're talking about, what's the thing, strange what?
Marc:Strange Days.
Marc:That's with Bob Saget on A&E.
Guest:Yeah, and that's coming up.
Marc:More will be revealed about that.
Guest:More will be revealed and it'll be in its own time.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's a really interesting show.
Guest:It sounds funny and good.
Guest:I hope so.
Guest:It's kind of, it feels good to me.
Guest:We've worked a lot on it.
Guest:We're still editing it.
Marc:All right.
Marc:And then you're touring from, when's that start?
Guest:It would be all fall through January, maybe February.
Guest:I'm not sure.
Guest:Yep.
Guest:October you got your shit together you got your hour what are you gonna do I have a new hour that I've been working on who's opening for you I use different people yeah I just had James Smith Ryan Stout I know that name Ryan Stout a lot he's very funny where's he from he is from where is he from
Guest:We don't usually talk because we're just having sex.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:Once the show ends.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:You put the gag in.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:A lot of that.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I plug all of his holes.
Marc:That's good.
Marc:One with your dick and then the other one.
Guest:No, I don't use my dick.
Marc:Oh, you don't?
Guest:No, it's all with alcohol dip rags.
Guest:Well, if you're going to set someone on fire.
Marc:Yeah, you just wave the light around.
Marc:What's the matter, opener?
Guest:Why didn't you want to sell my merch?
Guest:The opener didn't go out and sell my merch.
Marc:This is what you get.
Guest:This is why I didn't write another 20.
Guest:And then the other guy that I like a lot is Mike Young.
Guest:Take Mike out.
Guest:Solid guy.
Marc:Very solid and he's got that upbeat energy.
Guest:Yeah, he's got a really good heart.
Marc:He has such a good heart almost all he's Christian-y.
Guest:Yeah, and he's a Jewish guy.
Guest:Is he?
Guest:He does not look like a Jewish guy.
Guest:No.
Guest:And he's a boxer.
Guest:His upbringing is he kind of just was a survival guy.
Guest:From Detroit.
Guest:Great family.
Marc:Nice guy.
Marc:Am I thinking of the white-eyed guy?
Marc:No, you're thinking of Mike Young.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He has all the ideals in his eyes of a young kid.
Marc:Yeah, for a 40-year-old, that's not a bad thing to have.
Marc:Well, that's how you meet younger people.
Marc:All right, Bob.
Marc:Thanks for talking.
Marc:Thank you for having me, man.
Marc:You bet.
Guest:The truth of it is you look better than you ever looked.
Marc:Yeah, thank God.
Marc:You have more positiveness than you ever had.
Marc:Well, I think that there was a genuine sense of self-esteem and validation that happened because of this.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, like, whatever the hell I was missing just from putting all the work in happened.
Marc:It doesn't happen for everybody.
Marc:That's the weirdest thing about comedy.
Guest:And if you have a kind heart, you don't respond to it like I did when...
Guest:But I wasn't doing fully connected work.
Guest:I was hosting a show where people got hit in the nuts and was on video.
Guest:That helps the id.
Guest:The id is very... Good evening.
Guest:Welcome to America's Idiot Id videos.
Guest:Idiot Id videos.
Guest:Yeah, the id is an idiot.
Marc:But isn't that interesting, though, that even though you made a fortune doing that and you were doing all that stuff, that it's not that satisfying.
Guest:It was unsatisfying.
Guest:But what was satisfying was I provided, as people say, a very nice house.
Guest:I mean, this is where I was when you started your podcast.
Guest:And I haven't been here since.
Guest:And you have one person and you don't go back, do you?
Guest:Not usually.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:It's so smart.
Guest:It's so cool.
Marc:Yeah, I mean, I think there are some people that I think can be revisited because their lives have changed so dramatically.
Marc:But usually I don't.
Marc:Sometimes I'll do, you know, on live ones or, you know, but, you know, if a friend wants to sell a book.
Marc:And it's about death and comedy.
Marc:I mean, it's.
Marc:Well, the interesting thing about you is like, you know, when we talked the last time a couple of years ago, we talked about, you know, your sister and your involvement with charities.
Marc:And, you know, you still have this.
Marc:The interesting thing to me is that you have these things hanging over you.
Marc:America's Funniest Home Videos and the other show.
Guest:I run from them all day.
Guest:They're just floating above.
Guest:It's some bad CGI thing.
Marc:I know, but there was some conscious decision that when you knew that people followed you from that and the, what was the other one called?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Full House.
Guest:That's cursing to me to say the name of that show.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And by the way, I have love for both of them.
Guest:So that's a lot of therapy.
Marc:But there was a time after you made your money and you were, you know, you were out of the woods on those things where you went on stage and just set to reestablish, you know, Bob Saget is Bob Saget.
Marc:It's like, I'm glad you like that guy, but you were wrong.
Guest:Well, here's his reaction to that guy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:But what I would have loved to have seen you do a job that you would go, should I take this?
Guest:And someone said, just take it.
Guest:And you would have wound up on something.
Guest:Maybe you would have hosted something.
Marc:Right.
Guest:I mean, Tosh has an edge to him, and he hasn't really lost himself.
Marc:Well, he defines that show anyway.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:He redefined how a contemporary person that's a comedian that's smart does a blooper show.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Mine was 7 o'clock on a Sunday night on ABC.
Guest:Right.
Guest:For grownups with morals.
Guest:Are they going to say for grownups with morons living in their home?
Guest:But it is morals because you cut before the old person hits the cement.
Guest:You know, they always cut before that horrible.
Marc:You never say who died in these videos.
Guest:It's no Zabruder footage.
Guest:They get out.
Guest:And then they cut to the audience and their head snapping back.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's not something I would do now, but do you have regrets?
Guest:Do you have any regrets before you started this podcast, before your life changed?
Marc:I think I did at some point because I felt like I missed opportunities.
Marc:But as I get older, I realize now that I clearly wasn't ready for those opportunities.
Marc:And the ones I pursued and I got, I don't think I was a full person as a comic or as a human until recently.
Guest:And that's just the timeline of life.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:Because some people are really lucky.
Guest:And at 23, they have a wisdom and you go, holy fuck, how did they get that?
Marc:Or an actualized talent.
Marc:They know what to do with their talent.
Guest:But then being able to be a human and have all that talent can be very complex.
Guest:And then you can still self-destruct.
Guest:It's tricky.
Guest:But you have so much inner intelligence anyway, you could have had it.
Guest:But probably, my guess would be miserable throughout it.
Marc:But when I hosted my first TV show on Comedy Central, I was hosting Short Attention Span Theater, the last version of it, and I hated every minute of it, but I learned skills that I would never have.
Marc:But I was completely uncomfortable because it's like, this isn't what I do.
Marc:Hey, we're back.
Marc:This fucking blows.
Marc:This next clip is funny.
Guest:I have my MFA in that.
Guest:Hey, you know how kids go to parties sometimes and they learn to speak?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Let's watch that.
Marc:And then as soon as you go to the camp, the camera goes up, you're like, oh, what the fuck am I doing?
Guest:They have footage of me doing that.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They have footage of me like naked gun.
Guest:It's in the book, actually.
Guest:I walked into the bathroom.
Guest:I think it's a chapter, Things I Shouldn't Have Done.
Guest:It's very much like when Leslie Nielsen was, you know...
Guest:Drop the mic in the toilet.
Guest:I went into the bathroom after America's Funny Some Videos shooting, and I just went in during it, and I went, this is the worst fucking audience.
Guest:And the guy next to me, yeah, man, what is it?
Guest:I go, I don't know.
Guest:Sometimes it happens.
Guest:And I walked back into the studio, and a young girl said, we heard everything you just said.
Marc:Because your mic was on?
Guest:Yeah, but I told the guy to turn the mic off.
Guest:And it turns out they had the monitors on.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Guest:So just the audience monitors.
Guest:And then my retort to her was, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:We say that every show.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because that's our thing.
Guest:That's just love.
Guest:Sorry about the cursing, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Did you walk out and see just a room full of shocked faces?
Guest:They don't even listen.
Guest:I think they're all numb when they get there.
Guest:They waited so long to get in there.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I barely remember that that even happened because my life is so different now.
Marc:I didn't realize that this was your first book, Dirty Daddy, The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian.
Marc:This is the first one.
Guest:There is.
Guest:There was a picture book.
Guest:It is.
Guest:I did a picture book, I don't know, 25 years ago with Tony Hendra.
Marc:Oh, from National Lampoon?
Guest:Yeah, called Tales from the Crib.
Guest:And it was just pictures of kids and captions.
Guest:I don't think that's a book.
Marc:Is it still around?
Guest:I don't think so.
Guest:It's one of those things where I have all the copies.
Marc:What drove you to write this?
Marc:I mean, what was it like?
Marc:Because, you know, you're doing okay.
Marc:You probably got time on your hands.
Marc:Did you just say, like, there's shit I got to talk about?
Guest:What's interesting, it really came out of show business.
Guest:There were agents.
Guest:I had former agents that I left.
Guest:They had an idea for a book.
Guest:I didn't like it.
Guest:So it was gimmicky.
Guest:It was sticky.
Guest:And then I went to different agents, and they said, people really want kind of a memoirs comedy book out of you.
Guest:I said, well, that's going to be all about death because I lost two sisters.
Guest:I lost four uncles.
Guest:Everybody was really young when they died.
Guest:I wrote like 13,000 words.
Guest:I gave it to my agents and then I got six offers.
Guest:I met with everybody in New York.
Guest:It was like really nice.
Guest:It was where you go there and everybody goes, we want to be in business.
Marc:Bidding war.
Guest:Yeah, which it's nice to have.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I chose a guy I really liked and we're living together now.
Guest:That's very, congratulations.
Marc:Great, great.
Guest:Are you getting married?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:We've got this inflatable calf that we both share and we have sex with it.
Marc:That's nice.
Guest:But we don't make eye contact.
Guest:Is that in the book or is that the next book?
Guest:No, I'm just telling you.
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:Thanks, man.
Marc:It's just for you.
Marc:I wanted something special for this.
Guest:But it's, I don't know about a next book.
Guest:I'm literally like, my hands, I was like adaptation for me writing this.
Marc:It's crazy, right?
Guest:It's crazy.
Guest:A 48-hour day, you go from your left.
Guest:It's hanging over you, too.
Guest:You're supposed to do four.
Guest:They said, are you going to write this?
Guest:I went, of course.
Guest:How are you going to do it?
Guest:Oh, four hours a day.
Guest:I called a couple of writer friends that are legitimate writers.
Guest:Right, exactly.
Guest:But these are like smart, real smart.
Guest:Their job.
Guest:Super smart lady.
Guest:They do it for a living.
Guest:They sit there.
Guest:They have their back arch.
Guest:They got support.
Guest:They got carpal tunnel machines.
Guest:It's almost like they're Stephen Hawking.
Guest:They got every contraption so that nothing hurts on them.
Guest:They get massage teed up.
Guest:I'm like, oh my God, I'm just taking Excedrin.
Guest:What medications in the house?
Guest:How am I going to stay up and not get addicted to anything?
Guest:I can't drink.
Guest:You can't do anything.
Guest:You have coffee, but then your emotional side's shut down.
Guest:So then you just, oh, well, just churn it out.
Guest:And then, because I forgot to write four hours a day for a couple months.
Guest:Oh, sure, and you're just looking at blank pages, too.
Guest:You stare there, and then you go to another environment.
Guest:Yeah, and then you jerk off.
Guest:I did that.
Guest:You couldn't even read my screen.
Guest:I mean, it just looked like it was just gooping down.
Guest:It looked like the beginning of a James Bond movie.
Marc:That's something, but you can't sell that.
Marc:You can't send that to the editor.
Guest:You can.
Guest:You can these days.
Guest:It depends on what company you're with.
Guest:There are companies that would go, you got a screen full of goo.
Guest:I want your book.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:i want your monitor yeah um but i uh i really started to love what i was writing and but i was outlined with this guy i wrote the whole thing you wrote the whole thing of your both but there is it's weird it's there there is this weird um element of discovery when you write that you can't have when you think or when you talk because you have a little more control and you start pumping things out and you're like wow that's pretty huh and it's not it's not a screenplay no and it's not anything from the heart yep
Marc:yep and it's it's a diary combined with a stand-up idea but it's not right well well if you're talking about this it's this exactly and if you're talking about death and you're talking about heavy things and you're talking about these elements of your family and you're also pacing it out with show business stories with people that everyone knows so you got a personal story and you want it to be have laughs yeah i put laughs on every page and i also found
Guest:It made me go, why isn't my stand-up like this?
Guest:Because it's so conversational, and yet it had observations about relationships, about just how I look at the word fame.
Guest:I just look at celebrity.
Guest:Just look at people.
Guest:Look at why people are cruel to each other.
Guest:How do you look at the word fame?
Guest:Well, I really hate – I think celebrity is the C word.
Guest:I think that is the worst thing that our culture – you've been places where you'll hear someone – a showbiz thing where someone say, well, have our celebrities over here.
Guest:And it's like you're – it's just people ingrandize that.
Guest:Yeah, you're like a product.
Guest:Here's our new line.
Guest:I mean, they make famous people that don't have any talent.
Guest:People – it's worse than it's ever been, which has all done one giant talent show where everybody wants to be famous.
Guest:They don't want –
Guest:Nobody wants to do anything.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Well, there's a lot of channels to be filled on both the Internet and the TV.
Marc:There's more opportunity for people with no talent to be doing something.
Guest:And there are more people, and they're just unbelievably untalented.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And I can't watch that much.
Guest:We were talking before we started this that you don't watch very much.
Marc:I don't.
Marc:I don't know where people have time.
Marc:I don't either.
Guest:I go, would you watch that?
Guest:Oh, my favorite show.
Guest:You've got to see it.
Guest:When did you watch it?
Guest:Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey.
Guest:You've got to watch it.
Guest:It's only eight episodes.
Guest:Oh, here's House of Cards.
Guest:I have all of it.
Guest:You've just got to download it on Netflix.
Guest:I'm like, I really would like to, but I really got to write.
Marc:Yeah, I get no time.
Marc:So what did you come up with, though?
Marc:Because I talk to people about death all the time, because I think when I turned 50, I was in denial about certain things.
Marc:And now that I'm about halfway into 50, it's sort of looming in my mind.
Marc:You have a fear of it?
Marc:I have a fear of the transition.
Marc:I know that it's going to happen.
Marc:I think that if I really think about it, the difference between being and not being is a little daunting for me.
Marc:I don't know if I'm terrified.
Marc:I guess I just hope it happens quickly.
Marc:I hope that for you also.
Marc:Well, thank you, Bob.
Guest:Maybe we should just shoot each other.
Guest:Right at the end of this.
Marc:No, no.
Guest:Let's wait a couple years.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I mean, you're doing really well.
Guest:I want to see how the book does.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I really had strong feelings about it because you went through a lot of metaphysical stuff in my 20s.
Guest:I went to real woo-woo shit.
Guest:I was married then, and I went to past life therapy.
Marc:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I sat there and kind of went, oh, I was a pharaoh when I was 14.
Guest:How is that possible?
Guest:I just, who knows?
Marc:I just sat there.
Marc:That's what you were, a pharaoh?
Guest:They told you that?
Guest:Well, then I started getting into drugs, so I was fine after that.
Guest:So then that went away.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Any search.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And my outlook now is to not be afraid of it.
Guest:I think that's, I would say 80% of my life, this is a stupid thing to say for a mortal, but a mortal, what am I, I don't know, I'm going to be a witch next week, is to not fear, if you cannot fear death,
Guest:you've or just stop thinking about it for a while which seems to be where you're kind of at yeah you can give some thoughtful moments to the things that actually mean something to you yeah put it put it out there you know what i mean try to be try the the output should be more good than bad when you're on a plane yeah i read your tweets yeah i know when you're suffering
Guest:i know that this i mean twitter has changed since i saw you last time here yeah yeah it's changed everything yeah i know that there are people with smelly balls on your flight i know that there's everything we all know about what we go through yeah and it's i just want i want everyone to be involved i want people to and the guy in front of you knows it sometimes i had a guy next to me go you just talked about me on twitter oh really yeah and i had to take it down while i was this is like five years ago yeah it was terrible
Guest:He was overweight and he was pushing onto my hand rest and he smelled like balls.
Guest:I have a problem when people smell like balls.
Marc:Yeah, it's bad.
Guest:Might have been bad enough.
Guest:I really try to not have that ball smell.
Marc:If the ball smell gets to the point where you're smelling it... If it's you?
Marc:Yeah, that's bad.
Guest:If it's yours and it smells foreign, you need to go first.
Guest:Maybe a checkup.
Guest:I think surgery could... Or if it's your breath...
Guest:God, I smell balls.
Guest:Oh, my God, it's my breath.
Marc:What does that mean?
Marc:It means you had balls in your mouth.
Marc:That's right.
Guest:So the fear of death was something that... That's not what the book's about, really.
Marc:But you talk about real shit.
Marc:But you also talk about hanging out with Rickles, hanging out with Dangerfield, coming up in the comedy scene.
Marc:Because I don't think people really...
Marc:that everybody really realizes that you have this long and profound history in stand-up.
Guest:37 years.
Marc:Yeah, I mean, you were there at the beginning of the comedy story.
Marc:You started with all the guys.
Guest:On that first boom, that crazy one.
Marc:And before America's Funniest Home Video or Full House or everything else, you had a very specific style that you still have that I think a lot of people may not know.
Marc:It's interesting when you say, I want to do more long-form, thoughtful things, because it's like the exact opposite of what you do.
Guest:hit with all these things i take out the jokes were like i have the brain of a german shepherd and the body of a 16 year old boy and they're both in my car and i want you to see them and they had it was basically groucho combined with a run-on sentence of free association and there was no middle steps right it was it was packed i needed to get i needed to get it done yeah yeah and i wanted to make them laugh as hard as like i still have that but now i do stories now i'm becoming more of a i guess a man and
Marc:Right.
Marc:Well, maybe you have more to say.
Marc:I mean, I think when you write jokes and you just write jokes for joke's sake, you're not concerned about saying something.
Marc:You're concerned about the joke.
Guest:You want the joke to do well.
Guest:And then your stage persona is, is the guy likable or is he too handsome?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Are his abs too good?
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:Well, what was the most difficult thing for you to write about them and the most powerfully funny thing in there?
Guest:Ironically,
Guest:The suffering, all the suffering, there's a chapter called Surviving Stand-Up.
Guest:There's a chapter actually about Full House because I had to write about it because I wrote a book and the editors want to chat.
Marc:It's a big part of your life.
Marc:And how long were you on that show?
Guest:Eight years.
Marc:How long were you on Funniest Video?
Guest:Eight years.
Guest:That's the weird thing I did.
Guest:They were simultaneous.
Marc:That's a hell of a life investment because you have a life outside of that, but that's who you are.
Marc:That's your gig.
Marc:That's a long gig.
Guest:And then it stopped, and then I just directed stuff.
Guest:But it's not really a career thing.
Guest:It's part memoir, but it's really about death and comedy and how they intersect.
Guest:That's what I set out to do.
Marc:What was the hardest thing to write in there?
Guest:The hardest chapter that I couldn't get through was the loss of two great women is the chapter.
Guest:And I would say things throughout.
Guest:And so one sister died at 34 of a brain aneurysm, and another one died of scleroderma, which is one of the things I love to be part of, the Scleroderma Research Foundation.
Guest:I'm on the board.
Guest:She was 47 and she had this rare disease.
Guest:So that was really hard to write because I don't ever want to relive any of it again.
Guest:And I had to, in writing a memoir kind of thing, you do your life story a little bit and I do it in moments.
Guest:I was going to say spurts, but that's about two thirds through because it's a dirty book.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But it was really hard because I didn't want to go through it again.
Guest:So I found myself missing them a lot.
Guest:And I went through the pain of their death, which was untimely and painful for both of them.
Guest:And then there was another chapter after that where my ex-wife almost died giving birth.
Guest:But that was the reason Paul Provenza came to my apartment.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And that was the reason that The Aristocrats ever happened because of a gallows humor I had.
Guest:Not the reason the movie happened, but the reason I was in it and interviewed for it was there was a gallows humor that was just built into my life that just came from how our family dealt with everybody dying.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I think I think with comedy in general that, you know, we if you're wired that way, you're preemptively, you know, in sort of a survival mode to alleviate suffering or, you know, pain or the the idea of rejection.
Marc:I mean, the tool of comedy, if you're funny and you hang.
Marc:That's that's the other thing I realized about when you hang around comics, which we have our entire lives.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I've figured out it's family to me.
Marc:but it's in a weird thing it's amazing because you're always hanging around fucking brilliant people like even like even guys nobody knows it is so much better yeah and it's so quick and you know yeah there's nothing that that's off off limits no they know you and they go and then they say things you're like i don't think you should say that yeah
Marc:But so in a way, this thing saved our lives.
Marc:It saved our sanity.
Marc:The comedians have saved my life over and over again.
Guest:It's just about comedy and it's called Dirty Daddy.
Guest:So the people I had to get it to was my ex-wife, my three kids.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I've gotten approval.
Guest:They're very proud of me.
Guest:It's important to get them to sign off on it.
Guest:Not even kidding.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, it's Dirty Daddy.
Guest:And I'm doing all these signing things.
Guest:I got the 92nd Street Y. I'm doing one in LA.
Guest:I've gone to Chicago and San Francisco and got all these little events.
Guest:And I don't want any hard feelings out there with anybody that I'm related to directly.
Marc:Yeah, well, that's good.
Marc:I wasn't as cautious with my book, but me and my dad will be okay, maybe.
Marc:Do you want me to talk to him?
Marc:Yeah, maybe.
Marc:I don't know if it'll work.
Marc:I have a hard time with it.
Marc:Maybe you'll have an easier time with it.
Marc:I'll call him when we're done.
Marc:Well, thanks, Bob.
Marc:And good luck with it, man.
Marc:I hope it sells well.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:It's nice to see you here.
Marc:Nice to see you.
Marc:What's going on with you, man?
Marc:Well, things are good.
Guest:You seem good.
Guest:Are you high?
Guest:Are you high?
Guest:No, no.
Guest:I'm a little tired.
Guest:I've been working hard.
Guest:I've been doing post on a movie that I finished.
Guest:The one that I turned down?
Guest:Yeah, actually.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:Because you were overly busy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it worked out really well because at first Kevin Pollack wasn't available and then he became available, so you were the spot.
Guest:You were the first choice, weren't the first choice, were the first choice.
Guest:However, it makes you feel better with your ego right now.
Guest:Doesn't matter.
Guest:You got Pollock to do it?
Guest:Yeah, and he was great.
Guest:Yeah, he's a good actor.
Guest:He's a really good actor.
Guest:And Marilyn Rice Cub.
Guest:Oh, yeah, she's good.
Guest:She's great.
Guest:And Rob Corddry.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:He was funny as shit.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's called Benjamin.
Guest:And it'll be out in 2018.
Guest:What's it about?
Guest:It's about this kid, my son.
Guest:I directed it and acted in it.
Guest:You did?
Guest:I did.
Guest:And I played a troubled, messed up suburbanite.
Guest:Kind of like if the guy on the Full House show had like four dimensions, not two.
Guest:And kind of just loses it.
Guest:But it's about your son?
Guest:It's about my son.
Guest:We think he's on crystal meth.
Marc:Oh, not your real son.
Guest:You don't have a real son.
Guest:No, I got three daughters.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:And they're all girls.
Guest:I'm positive.
Guest:You're sure?
Guest:Yeah, because we took them to the right doctors.
Guest:And they said, yes, we did DNA checks.
Guest:Unfortunately, they're mine.
Guest:Their Adam's apple hangs down to the knees.
Guest:But not their balls.
Guest:No, their balls are very tiny and hidden.
Guest:You can't find them.
Guest:It's like Carmen Santiago looking for their balls.
Guest:Do people know Carmen Santiago?
Marc:No, I don't even know who Carmen Santiago is.
Guest:Well, that's where in the world is Carmen Santiago.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:I hosted SNL once.
Guest:You did?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And they did a thing.
Guest:It was a really funny sketch.
Guest:It's called, Where in the World is San Diego, California?
Guest:And people would buzz in, three contestants, and they were trying to guess nobody could find it.
Guest:That's how stupid we were then, but we have doubled down.
Guest:Sure, we have.
Guest:Oh, boy, have we.
Guest:Tripled down.
Guest:You're so fucking dumb.
Guest:So Benjamin.
Guest:Benjamin.
Guest:So it is a movie that was written by... Seven years I've been attached to this movie, and we only had 15 days to shoot it, and crazy low budge, and you know that world.
Guest:It's hard.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Running gun.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:Everything.
Guest:And Joshua Turek, who wrote it, did a great job.
Guest:He held on for seven years with us.
Guest:Nicholas Tabarek is the producer, and he's made a bunch of movies, and this was one of his faves.
Guest:And I was passionate about it because it's a statement about how the parents...
Guest:why our young people are where they're at in a lot of cases.
Marc:And how families are- Even if it's just because of negligence.
Marc:And it is that.
Marc:Detachment.
Guest:You're right on what the movie's about.
Guest:They didn't even have to make it.
Guest:You already know what it's about.
Marc:What's the kid up to?
Marc:I don't know.
Guest:The kid is, right.
Guest:Is he in his room?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:But when he comes home, we're going to have an intervention.
Guest:Yeah, we're going to talk to him.
Guest:is uh and it's a good wrap out on it it's a real short uh little byline uh my girlfriend played by mary lynn posts a thing on facebook to call an intervention and that's not where you call no the cat's out of the bag yeah it's not you ruin the surprise party not good
Guest:And the kid's mom's not around.
Guest:So we're trying to get her to come.
Guest:So who winds up coming is Sherry Oterian Dave Foley.
Guest:And Rob Corddry is the family's hilarious intervention.
Guest:It's a dark comedy, though, because it is it is not hilarious.
Guest:It's not wacky.
Guest:It's weird is what it is, because we go between I go between.
Guest:And it was written that way to go between really funny and then really serious.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And Rob Corddry is the family gynecologist who's forced into leading the intervention because he's a medical person.
Marc:So the movie's coming out in 2018.
Guest:Yeah, so I would say any time, we're thinking around May, but it might be a little before, but you'll be seeing Benjamin posters and I'll be out doing my whore-like preaching.
Guest:I'm very, very proud of it.
Guest:My character is a bit of a conundrum.
Guest:He's nuts.
Marc:Do you really do some acting?
Guest:I did, and we'll see if people like it or not.
Guest:And I've been loving acting.
Guest:I did a Broadway play that I got to do, Hand to God, not long ago, a couple years ago.
Guest:And that was this Tony-nominated great play that you would have loved.
Guest:It's dark as shit.
Guest:I didn't see it.
Guest:Really smart.
Guest:I played a Lutheran pastor trying to help a young boy who had a puppet of Satan on his hand.
Guest:So he was Stephen Boyer, this brilliant actor, was fighting his own hand.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And it was a devil trying to kill him.
Guest:And I was trying to exercise the devil out of him.
Guest:But it was a comedy written by Robert Askin.
Guest:So this is real special.
Marc:How do you exercise it?
Marc:Do you can't just take the puppet off his hand?
Guest:Well, I don't want to buzzkill, spoiler alert, because they are doing it around the country.
Guest:But it's a violent play.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:It's a dark, violent play.
Guest:I don't want to say it.
Guest:I wouldn't say a whole hand is gone.
Guest:Okay, okay.
Guest:Could just be a fragment.
Marc:Could be none.
Guest:Could be a nail, a cuticle.
Guest:Could not at all.
Marc:He could have a full-on hand.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:Could never have any problem.
Marc:Do you have a special on or something?
Guest:I do.
Guest:I do.
Guest:You are so nice because you slide into this shit and it is one of the things you load the most.
Guest:What?
Guest:Well, you like to promote people that you like.
Marc:I like you.
Guest:I like you.
Marc:I'm sorry I don't have the special.
Marc:I didn't get to watch it.
Marc:I wish you had.
Guest:I thought you wanted me in because you saw it.
Guest:You liked it.
Guest:Really?
Guest:No, I thought you liked me.
Guest:I didn't think you saw it.
Guest:I crammed yours.
Guest:I crammed yours.
Marc:But is it on?
Guest:No, I'm saying I crammed it.
Guest:I said I shoved it up my ass.
Guest:Oh, that's interesting.
Guest:How do you do that with a special?
Guest:You just shove it up your fucking ass.
Guest:See, that's what I do to comedy that you won't.
Marc:You just open your ass in front of the TV?
Marc:Fuck yeah.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:And you can get it in CD or DVD or LP.
Marc:Oh, so you actually got it on a hard copy and you shoved it in your eyes.
Marc:You even watch it on Netflix like everybody else?
Marc:I didn't want to stream it into my ass.
Marc:I like to stream out of my ass.
Marc:I got it.
Guest:My woman, who is amazing.
Guest:She's not my woman.
Guest:She's my equal.
Guest:She's my finest.
Guest:I guess it's the first place I'm announcing this that I am...
Guest:I am engaged.
Marc:Congratulations.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:I wish I could push a button and a glass would break.
Marc:Or just... Do you see yourself ever doing that?
Marc:What, pushing buttons?
Marc:No.
Guest:Getting married again?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Why?
Guest:Why?
Guest:Why?
Guest:Why are you lazy?
Guest:But she's amazing and it just felt right and I don't know.
Guest:I just felt right.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:And it's been a long time.
Guest:I haven't been married since 1941.
Marc:Before you were born.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Just tremendous.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:My DNA- Have you been married twice?
Guest:I've been married once.
Marc:Oh, really?
Guest:I'm divorced 22 years with three dogs.
Marc:Oh, so it took you a long time to get over it and-
Marc:You had to go out there.
Guest:I went through many.
Guest:You actually had me on here to plug my book, Dirty Daddy, and it talks about all the relationships I had that didn't stick.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And then you've gone through similar stuff.
Marc:I've been through a few, but I don't have kids.
Marc:The kids must make everything okay.
Marc:They're amazing.
Marc:They're actually... I'm real fortunate.
Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, the mother is a nice lady and not some unstable- Nice lady, and she wants to take care of the kids as much as I do.
Marc:Right, and she knew that you were, she probably overcompensated for the fact that you're you.
Guest:And we met when we were 17.
Marc:Oh, you locked in.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I locked in.
Guest:Actually, I couldn't get out.
Guest:It was like a toggle bolt because the head of my unit is that big.
Guest:It's literally like a toggle bolt.
Guest:I know you do a lot of home repair because I looked around before we came back here.
Guest:And you know how you put the hole, you go in the hole and then bam, it just opens up.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You can't pull it out.
Guest:No.
Guest:So that happened.
Guest:And so we were together for 14 years because of that situation.
Guest:Three kids.
Guest:Right.
Guest:My fiance is going to love that bit.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:It's not a bitch.
Marc:She's going to want you to open the toggle in hers.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:Where's my toggle?
Marc:Well, they have new ones now.
Guest:They have the ones that you just screw in and you just put the screw in.
Marc:You don't do anything.
Guest:Nobody gets hurt.
Guest:No, that's great.
Guest:They make them out of soft rubber like my future neck will be when I have that done.
Marc:But, okay, so what's the age difference?
Guest:It's supposed to be half my age plus seven.
Guest:That's what I did.
Guest:So she's 38.
Guest:I'm 61.
Marc:Are you 61?
Guest:I am.
Guest:My special is zero to 60, which is about me being zero and then turning and going to 60.
Guest:And how long have you been with this girlfriend?
Guest:Three years and change.
Guest:That's really good.
Guest:The change is good.
Guest:Always Jews bringing up change.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, because there could always be more, right?
Guest:Well, because you don't need to use a credit card if you have change at the meter.
Guest:So how long were you with this one that you engaged to?
Guest:This one.
Guest:That just sounds like grabbing the pussy kind of talk.
Guest:Does it?
Guest:It didn't used to.
Guest:That's what's fucked.
Guest:What do you mean?
Guest:That's something- No, I'm not accusing you.
Marc:My mother would say that.
Marc:My mother would say that.
Marc:How long have you been with that one?
Guest:Yeah, but your mother would also say, my parents said racial stuff because I lived in Norfolk, Virginia.
Guest:So they would say stuff that I would go like, who the fuck are you people?
Guest:And they didn't mean anything.
Guest:What do you mean racial stuff about women you were dating?
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:Like in 1960.
Guest:The blacks?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:In 1960, they never said that.
Guest:And they looked at people as equal.
Guest:But they would slip up with words that disturbed me a great deal.
Guest:And so in 1960, I'm on a...
Guest:That sometimes came up, or the girl is coming in on Thursday.
Guest:And that's like, hey, mom.
Guest:But you know, it's like you- It's a different- You could say it's a different time, but the truth is the time shouldn't have been.
Guest:I was on a ferry boat from Norfolk, Virginia to Richmond, Virginia, and now the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel is there, and there were bathrooms for coloreds and whites.
Guest:And I went into the colored bathroom because I wanted to go to the bathroom.
Guest:And I was four.
Guest:And my dad said, no, that's for people that aren't white.
Guest:And I remember, I'll never forget.
Guest:It's one of the earliest memories that I have that enraged me.
Guest:I said, why does this exist?
Guest:Why?
Guest:I didn't say that.
Guest:I didn't know the word exists.
Guest:Why is it this way?
Guest:And he kind of started to cry a little bit.
Guest:It was really interesting.
Guest:And then he held me and made out with me.
Guest:Weird.
Guest:It was so weird that he kissed me over something racial.
Guest:But we were on a ferry.
Marc:But it changes the story.
Marc:It changes the story.
Marc:He didn't want you to have to deal with the heaviness of how society works.
Marc:And what is mankind?
Marc:And where are they going?
Marc:And he just figured, I'm going to kiss this kid right on the mouth.
Guest:And he'll forget.
Guest:He'll forget everything but the kiss.
Guest:And he didn't do anything else.
Guest:He didn't hold me like a puppet.
Guest:So I got this special.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I talk about... What I was going to say to you that I wanted to say about it, not promo whole way, but you were talking about your dad, and you thought he was so smart, and then you found out... He's a fucking moron.
Marc:Yeah, right.
Marc:He's all right.
Marc:Well, my mom... It's an exaggeration.
Marc:My mom died.
Marc:My dad's taken a lot of hits.
Guest:Your mom died?
Guest:Two years ago.
Guest:Oh, sorry.
Guest:Thanks.
Guest:And I really...
Guest:started to like her uh i hadn't really because she was so uh so much of a disciplinarian and the reason i would get out on stage and go cock shit fuck wasn't because i was on full house it was because i was told no right those are bad words right and i was like you know the seven words you can't say why can't i just say them but i didn't say them as a rim shot i said them
Marc:At your mother.
Marc:You said that at your mother.
Marc:I did.
Marc:You were cock shit fucking before Full House.
Marc:That's what people don't realize.
Guest:I was, but Dice recently spoke to me on the phone.
Guest:He goes, Saga, we got a tour together.
Guest:And by the way, you stole my act.
Guest:I said, what the fuck are you talking about?
Guest:He goes, you didn't curse as much.
Guest:And you did it to change your image on Full House.
Guest:I said, Andy, I didn't.
Guest:Andy.
Guest:It happened naturally.
Guest:He was my comedy store friend, Andy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He would bring girls to his apartment and play his act on cassette tape and then try to- Fuck him.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I lived in his room in Cresthill, the room that he had.
Guest:Very lucky man you are.
Guest:That little room with its own bathroom.
Guest:You know that room?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I don't know it.
Guest:I've been by it.
Guest:I never stayed there.
Guest:But it's almost Midnight Express.
Guest:Another reference.
Guest:So you guys should tour together.
Guest:That's a great idea.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I'd have to go on before him.
Guest:I'd have to listen to him.
Marc:You also have his audience.
Guest:Yeah, I don't do a lot of stuff.
Guest:You'd have to listen to him.
Guest:He's funnier now than he's ever been.
Guest:I love him.
Guest:I just love him because he owns who he is.
Marc:I do too.
Marc:I didn't think about it much one way or the other, but when I get to know him, when I talk to him in here and now I see him around, he's a thoughtful guy.
Marc:He's real thoughtful.
Marc:Yeah, and he's an original thinker.
Marc:And he's creative.
Marc:Responsible guy, good father.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I agree.
Marc:To hear him talk now without what he used to do, which is now he's in old dice.
Marc:He's talking about going to Staples.
Marc:I could watch him talk about things.
Guest:Well, that's the endearing part.
Guest:And he was also raised by Rodney in a lot of ways.
Guest:Rodney liked him a lot.
Guest:And Rodney's favorite was Jim Carrey.
Guest:That was Rodney's favorite one to bring up.
Marc:I'm trying to get him in here.
Guest:I've actually been able to spend some time with him, and I just love the hell out of him.
Marc:Jim?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:It's interesting to see people that look at things from outside this stupid box that we're in.
Guest:And he's on a journey, and he's trying to figure stuff out.
Marc:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah, but not like when you talk about meditating and everything.
Guest:I mean, it would be interesting for you to have him in here.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Really interesting.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It would be.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You got to get him in here.
Guest:So you were shit fuck cocking at your mother and what about your dad?
Guest:My dad was really funny and just told me perverted shit my entire childhood.
Guest:So the reason I am the comedian that I was, when I say this joke came from my dad, it's either exactly verbatim or something that would have come from him.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And it was in a restaurant and this was on my last special, but it was my dad and it's just a joke.
Guest:He opened the menu and said, tonight's specials are cake and cock and we're out of cake.
Yeah.
Guest:And that's just a joke.
Guest:And that's just telling you all they got is cock.
Guest:And I'm a kid.
Guest:I'm really young.
Guest:I hadn't even hit puberty.
Guest:So if that's your dad, you know, you're going to be something's going to happen.
Marc:You're going to be a comedian.
Guest:And my mother would just say, stop it, Bobby, stop it.
Guest:So near the end.
Marc:That's what she should have called you special.
Marc:Stop it, Bobby.
Stop it.
Guest:She actually said to me that she was going to come back as a dove.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I said, please don't.
Guest:And so that was like seven minutes of material of what would that be like if your mother comes back as a dove?
Guest:Well, it sounds great.
Guest:And I do four songs at the end.
Guest:Now you probably, oh, wait, that's what I want to do.
Guest:Watch this.
Guest:What?
Guest:But these, like I was influenced by Martin Mull.
Guest:So I would go see Martin Mull at the main point in Philly.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Now, there were comedy songs, and nobody did comedy songs better than him.
Guest:There were a couple of other people that were pretty amazing.
Guest:He's still around, right?
Guest:He is.
Guest:You talk to him?
Guest:No, and I want to.
Guest:I mean, I'm stupid.
Marc:I should.
Guest:Let's see if Mitchell Walters emails back.
Guest:He's a painter, and he's an actor.
Guest:I mean, he's always acting and stuff.
Guest:He's just wonderful.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But the last song that I wrote for the special is called, or I wrote for performing, is We've Got to Be Kind to Each Other.
Guest:And it's kind of give peace a chance, but it's got laced with my R-rated whatever the fuck it is.
Guest:Your filthy mouth.
Guest:I call it that.
Guest:It's not even, it says explicit.
Guest:Fucking 30 fucking mouth.
Guest:I don't use fuck as a verb.
Guest:I guess it's an adverb, or what would it be?
Guest:If you go, that's fucking crazy, what would that be in the English language?
Guest:I think an adjective, no.
Guest:That's an adjective.
Guest:Wouldn't it?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Is it a conjunctivitis term?
Marc:That's fucking crazy.
Marc:It feels like an adjective.
Guest:I fucked her fucking crazy.
Guest:That's a verb, and you're double-purposing it.
Guest:Well, I don't even know if that's a real sentence.
Guest:It's also not acceptable anymore.
Guest:What?
Guest:You fucked her fucking crazy?
Guest:What does that mean?
Guest:I was talking to my lady just last night, literally.
Guest:That's what you said to her?
Guest:No.
Guest:I'm going to fuck you fucking crazy?
Guest:No.
Guest:No.
Guest:First, she said, don't call me crazy.
Guest:Don't call me Shirley.
Guest:You can't call him crazy anymore.
Guest:Well, I can't do... I can't... Well, I wouldn't want to anyway.
Marc:Now that I'm 61, I just wanted... You have to be more specific on what the pathology is.
Marc:Like, you can't say she was crazy.
Marc:You could say she had borderline personality disorder.
Marc:I felt bad, but I couldn't take it anymore.
Marc:And that used to be like, she's fucking crazy.
Marc:Barely got out.
Guest:It's going to get more like this.
Guest:Or she had issues, but they were probably my issues.
Guest:And I own my part in it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, it's... In other words, she was fucking crazy and you barely got out?
Guest:I had seven relationships in the past 20 years.
Guest:Most of them were a couple years each.
Guest:Every time I've walked in this door, you've said, what's up?
Guest:And I would say, well, I got somebody.
Marc:But this is the real thing.
Guest:This is the real thing because I'm locking it down.
Guest:Put a ring on it.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:I'm Beyonce-ing her.
Guest:But she's great.
Guest:She's just fucking great.
Guest:And I've never had her.
Guest:Well, I hope you don't get hurt.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Always look on the bright side of life.
Guest:Eric Idle should be singing right now.
Guest:I did a line in the special that- Hello?
Guest:Not a line, no, not that kind, but I did a line which is, people are going to be annoyed at some of the things I say.
Guest:You can only hope.
Guest:In Hollywood, it's supposed to be half your age plus seven, but I was-
Guest:i was uh i forgot the half your age so i was just doing seven so that's too young see that's a pedophile joke now when can you do that anymore i don't think so but i did it in this special this new one yeah yeah and i also did a thing about bill cosby and it is um it is saying my character of myself um because years ago i took lewds in cleveland you ever taken lewds
Marc:They were already gone by the time I was old enough to appreciate them.
Marc:You kids today.
Marc:Yeah, I miss the lewds.
Marc:They had mandrakes were around.
Guest:I don't know what they were.
Marc:They were post lewds.
Guest:I was doing Full House on the Video Show, so I G-rated what was left in my brain for a while.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But then Roofie's, I guess, took over.
Guest:yeah no usually those are administered you don't take those on purpose right yeah the point of the thing is i took them i took ludes myself yeah so that i would not violate someone so that i would be unconscious i i literally will knock myself out so you don't know what happened no my butthole had a tinker toy in it though so it had to be a young person or a lego i'm not sure tinker toy is the reference
Marc:Ticker toy with like one of those pieces at the end of it.
Guest:Yeah, the square and you could put a whole bunch of spokes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Hell yeah.
Guest:Oh, you remember a few things.
Guest:Oh my God, I had a ticker toy at my house.
Guest:But it was a Christmas tree one.
Guest:So I know the time of year from that.
Marc:It wasn't a car?
Marc:Like a car?
Guest:No, and you could make the car and the wheels turn.
Guest:And it always got, once it got crooked, you were fucked.
Guest:And it was wood.
Guest:They were wood.
Guest:yeah i had wood always had wood yeah so you and i will never say wood with the same meaning no or head no but i don't always go there that's what's different about this special well yeah i'm not i can do one lines but it's more stories and it's more i'm just because i'm a grown-up is what's happening and i didn't know unlike you with your netflix special you made your deal you knew you were doing it you knew the theater where did you shoot that by minneapolis gorgeous i loved it i love that theater
Marc:I think what we're talking about here is that, you know, Bobby, you're now able to go a little longer.
Marc:Like when you listen to yourself, when I listen to you tell an emotional story, I'm like, all right, listen to Bobby.
Marc:He's telling an emotional story.
Marc:It's touching.
Marc:How long will it take for him to throw a dick in it?
Guest:Or something up your ass.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like how long?
Marc:And I think it's gotten a little longer.
Marc:It's a little longer.
Guest:And that is what happens.
Guest:It's growing up.
Guest:With age, it takes longer to throw a dick in it.
Guest:If you love it, you put a ring in it and then you throw a dick on it.
Guest:Now, if you throw a dick across a room at a guy and it goes all the way across the room and it sticks to the middle of his head, he's a unicock.
Guest:Now, the reason I said that was right when I thought of throwing a dick, I thought of the word unicock.
Guest:So, I needed to fill time till I said the word unicock.
Marc:You got to get there.
Guest:I had to scat to it.
Guest:but i didn't know the difference between my special and your special is uh yours is good and the other difference the other difference is i didn't know i was doing it i when you were doing i did not know i was doing it at all doctor i had said you're not going to believe this and you maybe would have said no yeah but i got on an email on a plane on a thursday i was going to new york to do some television and do a couple of gigs this is very specific memory is this well
Guest:Well, this is one of the most important moments of my whole life, more important than my family.
Guest:And I got an email, do you want to shoot your special Tuesday?
Guest:What?
Guest:And I went, where?
Guest:And he said, Williamsburg Hall of Music in Brooklyn.
Guest:And I went, I love that place.
Guest:And that would make it kind of a medium, small to medium-sized place.
Guest:My last one was at the Moore in Seattle.
Guest:So this would be intimate.
Guest:Four days?
Guest:I could talk to the audience.
Guest:Four days.
Guest:I said, okay, so somebody fell out.
Guest:Are you shooting other ones?
Guest:And he said, yeah, a couple other ones.
Guest:I said, it can't look anything like the same place.
Guest:And he went, it won't.
Guest:It won't.
Guest:And they honored that.
Guest:And the set deck people came in and did everything to specifications.
Guest:I'm on the plane literally designing the set on a six-hour flight.
Guest:And the set I've been rolling for three years.
Guest:And I've been doing 90 minutes everywhere.
Guest:So it was like I put two shows together.
Guest:I never have a person in my life, a girlfriend, my daughters, never have them at a show.
Guest:But once I did the first one, my daughters lived near there.
Guest:I said, come to the second show.
Marc:So you gave him like an hour notice?
Guest:I just, yeah.
Marc:but they knew i had told them ahead that that might happen because do you have uh family members i don't have anybody it's me and the it's all about i don't let my girlfriend come i don't do i go myself it's us and them yeah i go myself i said it backstage but maybe i have one comic friend or one friend around well this is when you just took a piss it was you and your dick that's right and then but like who was backstage with no no one was really there did anybody warm up up the thing yeah yeah
Marc:uh amber amber preston she's from the midwest oh cool um but yeah lynn shelton directed but like as far as like the dressing room like the last special i did my friend tom sharpling was there my friend sam lipsite right when i did carnegie hall nate bargetsy he opened for me he hanging around but not a big scene no loved ones no no because it fucks with you because your relationship that with them is uh is exactly a relationship
Marc:That's right, and you don't want that in you.
Marc:No.
Marc:You don't want to have the moment where you're like, can I do this?
Guest:This is crazy, and I don't know if you get asked this, but I do.
Guest:I'm going somewhere.
Guest:I'm on a plane, or they see me somewhere.
Guest:I'm coming around the backstage entrance of some theater, and somebody says, are you going to be funny tonight?
Guest:Have you ever gotten that one?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:My answer is, do you ask your pilot if he's going to get you to Cleveland?
Guest:I see you're already talking to that person too much.
Guest:See, that's why I need to talk to you.
Guest:We need to see each other outside of this environment because you can actually help what's left of me.
Guest:Wanted to go out on a high note.
Guest:Thanks for talking, buddy.
Guest:I love you.
Marc:Bob Saget.
Marc:Rest in peace, Bob.
Marc:Godspeed.
Marc:I loved you too.
Marc:Really a great guy.
Marc:Truly.
Marc:Sad times.
Bye.