BONUS Road Gig with Lara Beitz
Marc:All right.
Marc:So when I'm out on the road, generally, I don't have an extensive rider.
Marc:You know, I don't have I don't I'm not I don't require a lot of stuff in the dressing room.
Marc:I don't ask for anything, really.
Marc:Oddly, I just ask at this point for some Xevia.
Marc:Ginger ale and some raw cashews like snacks, you know, stuff that I like to eat or drink before I go on stage.
Marc:I used to ask for, you know, veggies and hummus.
Marc:But then I stopped eating hummus and you never know what you're going to get.
Marc:You never know what you're going to get anyways.
Marc:But I could request more.
Marc:And I could be more specific, and I think I might.
Marc:Not because I'm turning into some sort of diva, but I've sort of started asking for all my shows to start at 8.
Marc:Just because I think that's a reasonable time to go to a show.
Marc:7 o'clock is too early.
Marc:On a Friday, people are scrambling.
Marc:It's just too early.
Marc:8 o'clock is nighttime.
Marc:But now what I'm realizing is that if I have an opener and I get out, we're going to get out 1030, 11 o'clock.
Marc:And if I'm in a small city like, say, Columbus, Louisville, Indianapolis is what you're going to hear.
Marc:It's hard to find someplace to eat at that time.
Marc:And if I don't eat dinner before the show, I'm starving.
Marc:And you kind of want to reward yourself.
Marc:You want to have some nice sit-down food after a big show if you can.
Marc:Well, after Indianapolis, that shit is over.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So this is me and Lara Bites talking about the late night food experience in Indianapolis last week.
Marc:Hello?
Marc:I think it's happening now.
Yeah.
Guest:I love that you do your sound check like you're answering a phone.
Marc:What?
Marc:Are we going to drive at the same time?
Marc:How are we going to drink coffee, drive, and do the mics at the same time?
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:I'm going to do it.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:First, we'll get the GPS going on the car play.
Guest:This was your frankly crazy idea.
Marc:It's going great.
Marc:This is like that content that people want.
Marc:Where are we going?
Marc:What's the name of the place?
Marc:We are going to- What's the name of the hotel?
Marc:Louisville, Kentucky.
Marc:I know that.
Marc:the name of the hotel i think i looked it up i think i looked it up hold on it's called the grady the grady hotel hour 41 that's nothing beautiful it was an hour 45 before we shaved off four we haven't even gotten started well we did drive across the street okay i gotta resolve that buzz thing it's been going on forever it almost ruined my brad pitt leonardo dicaprio interview oh my god
Marc:I think it might be phone related, but I'm starting to think it might be like I have three of these mics and I think this one I'm on might be the fucking dud.
Marc:You ate that meat last night.
Guest:I ate the meat last night.
Marc:By the way, I'm in a Ford truck.
Guest:We're in a huge truck because it's all the rental company had.
Marc:Here's what I'm going to lay this out.
Marc:I've had some issue because I want to pick up the car in one state and drive it, do a few gigs and drop it in another state.
Marc:And Hertz in some markets will not even let me do it.
Marc:So I've had to go to budget and become part of their team.
Marc:And I think I figured it out.
Marc:It wasn't terribly difficult detective work, but they don't have any cars.
Marc:None of these rental companies have any cars because they sold them all at the beginning of the pandemic to stay fluid or liquid.
Marc:They needed money so they wouldn't go bankrupt.
Marc:So they have no cars, and now that they need cars...
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Now that they need cars, they can't get them because of supply chain problems.
Marc:So they literally have no cars, so they don't want you taking a car and driving it across state lines unless that car can be used in Kentucky, which I assume a truck can, or that no one really wants a truck, which I did not.
Marc:So now we're driving around the American Midwest.
Marc:What is it, F-150?
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, it's a Ford F-150.
Guest:It is enormous.
Guest:It's luxurious.
Guest:It's a very nice truck.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, we had... What's this guy doing?
Marc:Dude, there's one lane here.
Marc:Just fucking suck it up.
Guest:And I mean, I've said it before and I'll say it again.
Guest:I'm so impressed with how you handled that.
Marc:Had no choice.
Marc:There was no choice.
Guest:No, we just we saw this huge truck amongst the other, you know, four sedans that they had.
Guest:And Mark was like, that's not it.
Guest:That's not.
Guest:And I was like, no, of course, that's not it.
Guest:And we got closer and it's like a truck.
Marc:We got a truck.
Guest:We got a truck.
Marc:A giant truck.
Marc:Like, it's not as bad as like a dumb van or an Escalade.
Marc:One time they gave me an Escalade that was the size of, you know, a semi truck.
Marc:And I'm like, the fuck am I doing?
Marc:I'm not a driver.
Marc:I'm not going to pick up a popular entertainer.
Marc:I'm the guy doing the show.
Marc:I'm not the driver.
Marc:Yeah, so I go up to the guy once he gets there and it's late.
Marc:What time is it?
Marc:It's late.
Marc:It was nine.
Guest:It was nine or something.
Marc:No cars on the lot.
Marc:Four.
Marc:And I said, I didn't ask for a truck.
Marc:He's like, I know, but that's what you're getting.
Marc:And I'm like, why?
Marc:Can I get another car?
Marc:He's like, nope.
Marc:There's no other cars.
Marc:And you're taking it out of state.
Marc:And we don't have any cars.
Marc:And if you take one of our cars, then we'll have two cars.
Guest:He did it in such a good customer service-y way, though.
Guest:He was like, first of all, sir, I do want to let you know that I understand the inconvenience.
Guest:Yeah, he just was like, I understand.
Guest:However, the most important thing is that we get you where you're going today.
Marc:I'm like, you're working me.
Marc:In my head, I'm like, I'm not going to move this guy.
Guest:And since you are taking the vehicle out of state, it is going to have to be this vehicle for you today.
Guest:And you just were like, all right.
Guest:And you walked away.
Guest:And that was that.
Marc:But like, what was I going to do?
Marc:Go like, no, fuck this.
Marc:And just start screaming.
Guest:Be that guy.
Guest:No, but I was so impressed that there was no second pit.
Guest:It just was like, all right.
Guest:Like, you immediately understood that, like, this was it.
Guest:You asked.
Guest:You can always ask.
Marc:I think at that moment, like, as opposed to be like a baby, which I have been doing lately, I think there was growth there.
Marc:But I also thought, like, it's actually a nice truck.
Marc:Like, it's not like, you know, it's not like an embarrassing van.
Yeah.
Marc:You know, it's like a new truck.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And I'm like, all right.
Marc:Fuck.
Marc:I don't even know if I'm in a turning lane.
Guest:Well, and it's fun to, ooh, nah, I don't.
Marc:You don't think I am?
Guest:I mean, I guess.
Guest:Should I just bully my way?
Guest:Any lane's a turning lane if you're in a big truck.
Marc:Can I bully my way in?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I did it.
Marc:Fuck this.
Marc:Oh, man, we're fucking outlaws.
Guest:Fuck everybody.
Guest:we're in a truck giant truck well that's the thing like we drove through this rainstorm yesterday and it felt safe like there's something about just being in like the big we were driving through like we were driving through like definitely drunk drivers last night yeah it was like we're in a huge truck yeah they can hit us that's fine yeah
Guest:We got the insurance.
Marc:I got all the insurance.
Marc:And it's like, it's been nice.
Marc:There's a lot of room.
Marc:It's comfortable.
Marc:I'm plugged into a regular plug-in.
Marc:They had a regular plug, like a plug, like a wall plug.
Marc:Like not a USB plug.
Marc:I plugged the recorder into a wall plug in the truck.
Marc:And that makes it all worth it.
Marc:Just the fact that there's a wall plug.
Marc:in the truck and i imagine like you said before we started recording that you know there are guys with tools that need recharging and i'm like a podcaster this is a podcasting truck all right so let's get to the matter at hand that not i don't think there was anyone it was anyone's fault last night but i i you know i'm i don't and i don't resent you for for for finding that place
Marc:But... But I think I resent you for committing to it.
Guest:There was nothing else open.
Guest:I even was like, do you want to get a pizza from Topper's for takeout?
Guest:And you're like, no.
Marc:But I didn't even know what that meant.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I don't know what Topper's was.
Guest:But it turns out that was the only place that was open because we got back to the hotel and we were like, is any of that stuff open?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was like, nah, you'd have to order a pizza from Topper's.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:We went to a diner that is a front...
Marc:Well, here, you didn't know that, though.
Marc:You're like, this could be okay.
Marc:You know, it was like, it was Pepe's.
Marc:It was Pepe's All Night Diner.
Marc:And we drove up.
Marc:Are we in the Daytona 500?
Marc:What the fuck is going on up there?
Marc:Can you hear that?
Guest:So first, I would like to say that while Mark was on stage, I watched his set, I took a picture, and then I got food recommendations from... Fuck, hold on.
Marc:Is that a copy I'm...
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Here we go.
Guest:We did it.
Guest:I got a list of restaurant recommendations, made a little list.
Guest:This place has German food.
Guest:This place has tacos, burgers.
Guest:All said that they were open late.
Guest:Mark did a long set, as he is wont to do.
Guest:It was a wonderful set.
Guest:I laughed very hard.
Guest:Everybody had a great time.
Marc:Albright, I just want to point out that there's some Midwestern valve in your brain that is kind of...
Marc:Like it's built in that it's at least half my fault, whatever's about to happen.
Guest:It's not.
Guest:No, no.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Guest:No.
Marc:I want to point out that had Mark gone on less time, we could have went to one of the nicer restaurants.
Guest:Had Mark done less time, we could have gone to...
Guest:You know what?
Guest:Had you done this time, we could have gotten to a nicer restaurant.
Marc:I know.
Guest:I didn't know it was going to be 11 o'clock.
Guest:The show started at 8.
Marc:Yeah, I get it.
Marc:But there were people hanging out.
Guest:I'm glad you did as much time as you did.
Guest:But that is why we ended up at Pepe's.
Guest:Because by the time we were going to get food, it was the only place that was open.
Guest:We tried to find other places, but my list was useless.
Marc:And we went into the Rathskeller, and it was just like the cast of Utopia.
Marc:What is it called?
Guest:Euphoria.
Marc:And it was just like, you know, just young people insanity.
Marc:And they're like, oh, no, the kitchen's closed.
Marc:The guy said when I walked up to the giant beer garden, German basement restaurant, which was like across from the venue, I walked up to the guy who worked there.
Marc:And there's just like chaos.
Marc:It was just like, you know, drunken, you know, not teenagers, but kids all over the place.
Marc:And I walk up to the guy.
Marc:I'm like, can we get something to eat?
Marc:He's like, oh, no, no, no.
Marc:Kitchen's closed.
Guest:Yeah, they looked like they had just been through a war.
Marc:I know.
Guest:The first thing either of us said when we walked in is I said, are you okay?
Guest:Like to a group of the staff who are processing something that had just happened with all those college students.
Guest:Is that what college students look like now?
Marc:I don't know what they are.
Marc:They were young people.
Marc:So we get out of there.
Marc:We get back in the car.
Marc:We look some more.
Marc:We call a Greek place, not open.
Marc:And there's this place, Pepe's, and it's open 24 hours, I think, right?
Marc:Or until midnight?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, it's open 24 hours.
Marc:So we drive to this place.
Marc:It's a little place.
Marc:There's a lot of people milling outside.
Marc:I don't want to make this, you know, I'm not going to classify the situation.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I'm just going to say there was a lot of people milling around that seemed to work at the restaurant.
Marc:They were outside.
Marc:There was a woman outside sitting at an outside table.
Marc:No one was in this restaurant.
Marc:The Topper's Pizza was jamming next door.
Marc:And this restaurant, it was decorated like one of those, it was sort of a 50s thing and the painted signs and supposed to have burgers.
Marc:There's a full bar there that was roped off by like, what do you call that?
Marc:Like those ropes that, you know, the doorman ropes.
Guest:Oh, like the velvet ropes.
Marc:Right.
Marc:The bar area was roped off as if that was going to separate the four tables of the restaurant from that bar.
Marc:No one was in the place.
Marc:And it looked like...
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I knew right away that like this wasn't a restaurant, you know, like it's after a point, you know, after seeing several people going in and out of the back room areas like the hallway and in and out of the kitchen were not dressed like people who work at a restaurant.
Marc:I began to wonder whether or not they were holding the restaurant owner hostage and how long it had been going on for that.
Marc:There was a tight.
Marc:Pepe was in the back.
Marc:Tied up.
Marc:Tied up.
Marc:And this guy was just, you know, doing whatever back there while he ran, you know, pounds of fentanyl through the place.
Guest:I didn't see that.
Guest:I was facing the window trying to guard the truck.
Guest:But because our stuff was in it.
Guest:But what I did see was Mark's face every once in a while.
Guest:Look like he'd seen a ghost and I'm just like, what are you looking at right now?
Guest:He's like that.
Guest:That's not a guy just came out.
Guest:He's not dressed as a he's wearing a book.
Marc:He's wearing a Caribbean beach shirt.
Marc:And and like we ordered like I just wanted to cheddar.
Marc:I figure like just give me a regular cheeseburger.
Marc:Oh, it's raining now.
Marc:You know, I just wanted a cheddar burger and, you know, okay, fried.
Marc:She's like, you want a wedge salad?
Marc:I'm like, do you even have stuff in the fridge back there?
Marc:I mean, be honest.
Marc:Like, there was part of me that's like, where are you getting this food?
Marc:Is there food?
Marc:Is this a functioning restaurant at all?
Marc:It just had that fucking, like, some other business was going on feeling to me.
Marc:Oh, shit.
Marc:It's really raining.
Marc:It doesn't really rain anymore.
Marc:Water just dumps out of the sky.
Guest:Yeah, it's been pretty wild these last couple days.
Guest:Oh, shit.
Guest:You forgot something?
Guest:Yeah, so there have been floods in Kentucky.
Guest:Did you know about that?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Okay, good.
Marc:It's sad and horrible, and I don't know if it's in Louisville.
Marc:I think it's southern Kentucky.
Marc:I don't even know how Kentucky's shaped.
Marc:But maybe I'll give some money from the show to the...
Guest:Well, I'm I also was thinking, like, are we driving into a flood?
Marc:Oh, I don't think so.
Marc:OK, so.
Marc:So there we were.
Marc:Like, once I ordered the soda, I realized because my instinct was like, just let's just get out of here.
Marc:But there was also the option.
Marc:There was a possibility in the situation we're in where we would have gotten up to leave and someone would have said, where are you going?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Sit down.
Marc:And I'm like, OK, so.
Marc:But I ordered the soda and I'm like, we really should go because there's no way.
Marc:And you're like, no, you know, maybe it'll be great.
Marc:And you.
Guest:I didn't say no.
Guest:I did say maybe it'll be great.
Guest:I just was introducing the other side because there were no other options.
Guest:I know, I know, I know.
Guest:Like once I knew we weren't going anywhere else, you're just like, there's no way.
Guest:And I'm like, what if, what if it's amazing?
Guest:What if it's the best food we've ever had?
Guest:How funny would that be?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was like, maybe it'll be great.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I was like, I don't think so.
Guest:Not a chance in hell.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But so I ordered the, just I want Shatterburger.
Marc:You are on a keto thing.
Marc:So you just ordered two meat patties.
Marc:I'm like, that is bold in this place.
Marc:They were great.
Guest:I feel great.
Marc:And the fact that they were unabashed, just unashamed to just serve them to you.
Marc:That gave me a little confidence.
Marc:Like if she was sort of like, no, you don't want to see this meat.
Guest:They looked like burgers someone cooked on a grill.
Marc:Kind of.
Marc:So you order two of those meat patties with just mustard, a side of mustard, and I order a cheeseburger and I get the fries.
Marc:And then like during the order process, while it was being made, I saw the large man in the Caribbean shirt come out and mumble something about fries and then kind of walk back into the kitchen.
Marc:And I'm like, I don't know what's going on back there.
Marc:And then the food comes out.
Marc:And I'm seeing there's literally probably six or seven people, new faces that were going in and out of rooms.
Guest:Oh, my gosh.
Guest:Really?
Guest:I didn't know that.
Marc:Yeah, there's a lot going on.
Marc:Let's say three or four.
Marc:Maybe I'm exaggerating.
Marc:And the main guy in the Caribbean shirt who was not dressed to work in a kitchen.
Marc:She brings out the food, and it's in trays, like, you know, kind of 50s diner kind of thing.
Marc:Like, it was obviously a device that might have been cute at some time, but now it was just sort of sad.
Marc:There was no, the fries were just scattered on the plate.
Marc:All different, you know, colors.
Marc:All different colors.
Marc:Different shades of uncooked and brown.
Guest:They weren't scattered on the plate.
Marc:From uncooked to overdone.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then the burger was there.
Marc:It was like this misshapen small burger.
Marc:And on top of it was some sort of like kind of reddish brown sludge sauce.
Marc:That piece of cheddar that wasn't quite melted properly and two pieces of bacon.
Marc:One of them not cooked that well.
Marc:And I just was like, I'm not eating that.
Marc:And I stuck my finger in the sauce, and I tasted it, and it tasted wrong.
Guest:Ew.
Marc:It was like, what kind of barbecue sauce was that?
Marc:It's kind of wrong.
Marc:There was something wrong with it.
Guest:By the way, on my Instagram, I posted a picture of this burger in my highlights under the Marin Tour highlight thing.
Guest:And...
Guest:It's just, it's, it's, it's so much more than we can describe.
Guest:One of the pieces of bacon was clear and stayed with the burger.
Guest:He took the piece of cheese off and three little pieces of bacon stayed on the cheese.
Guest:None of it looked great, but there was a perfectly clear, I don't know if anyone ever like salted a slug as a kid, like put salt on a slug and turned it clear.
Guest:This was that, but bacon.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:If you put salt on a slug, you turn it clear.
Guest:I did it once.
Guest:I felt really bad.
Guest:Well, of course.
Marc:Oh, that's terrible.
Guest:Of course.
Guest:You can't walk around being clear.
Guest:Anyway.
Guest:Yeah, so that's it.
Marc:And I refused to eat it.
Marc:And I sat there mildly simmering as you slowly ate your gross fucking patties and dipped them in the mustard.
Marc:Just sort of like, all I could think was like, we got to get out of here.
Marc:And then you finish.
Marc:And I didn't want her to come back to the...
Marc:I didn't want her to come back to the table and go, like, you didn't like it?
Marc:I didn't want to deal with it.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:That's why I got up and went in the back and paid her so I wouldn't have to, you know, I didn't want my money back.
Marc:I didn't want to make any trouble in that place.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So I went back and I paid for it.
Marc:And as we're walking out, like two people came out of the back, the giant guy in the Caribbean shirt and another dude.
Marc:Another giant dude.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And he was like, what did he say?
Marc:Do you enjoy the food?
Guest:Oh my God.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He was just like, he was like, how was it?
Guest:Mark was like, okay, man.
Marc:Okay, man.
Marc:Like I understood.
Marc:He was not giving me the look of a proud restaurant owner.
Marc:He was giving me the look of like, you ready to go now?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You might not want to come back if you understand what I'm saying.
Marc:and i thought like we're gonna come back and save peppy that's you got peppy back there because this is not peppy's vision i don't know what happened but this is not peppy's vision but uh yeah so then there was then i ate uh fortunately we're in a high-end hotel that had at least you know they had um i ate some pretzels they had a you know artisanal beef jerky packet
Marc:And some peanut M&Ms.
Marc:And I had the figs from Whole Foods.
Guest:Good.
Marc:So it was a healthy dinner.
Marc:Much better than what would have happened inside of me had I eaten whatever the fuck that was on that tray at that place.
Guest:Yeah, that would have been a rough ride.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But you feel all right.
Guest:I feel fine.
Guest:I think that they took some meat out of the freezer and cooked it.
Marc:That's what they did.
Guest:You know?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, they couldn't have cooked it anymore.
Guest:You know?
Guest:I don't know what they did to it, but it didn't.
Guest:it didn't smell bad it didn't taste bad it was fine okay fine so today's a new day and uh we'll see what we'll see what the world has to offer us which by the way is what i love about doing these one-nighters is that we don't have to wake up in the same city and be like all right we gotta do better today like we can't have that happen again right you know i'm gonna walk to that place yeah we're gonna have a totally new selection we're going to louisville that is a cool city yeah right yeah
Marc:And we'll see.
Marc:Maybe we'll report back.
Marc:But we've got to get up early.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:But this has been fun.
Marc:Thanks for going with me.
Guest:Oh, you're welcome.