BONUS Ask Marc Anything #4
Marc:Okay, all right, here we go.
Marc:What happened with you and Dean Delray?
Marc:Did you have a falling out?
Marc:I don't know if I would call it a falling out.
Marc:What happened was I felt sort of manipulated into a business dynamic that I found...
Marc:It made me uncomfortable, and it stifled our friendship because I no longer could really tell what was going on.
Marc:But since then, we've talked about it.
Marc:I see him around, and it's different.
Marc:But we're kind of edging back into a friendship.
Marc:It's just that when you start to mix business and friendship and really...
Marc:I think at the beginning of our relationship, I don't know if you know how we became friends.
Marc:I mean, Dean had sort of pestered me for years, really, to be on the podcast.
Marc:And then he got, well, I mean, Kevin Christie told me I should have him on the podcast.
Marc:And I had him on the podcast.
Marc:It was a great podcast.
Marc:We became friends, Dean and I, later, really.
Marc:And then, you know, he sort of started opening for me here and there and then opening for me quite a bit.
Marc:And then we did...
Marc:What I thought was going to be a few episodes of a thing.
Marc:And then all of a sudden I was in a business dynamic that I had no control over.
Marc:And it was, I don't know, sometimes boundaries, sometimes boundary issues kind of fuck me up.
Marc:But we're on the mend.
Marc:Why does Jan Wenner hate Jethro Tull?
Marc:Well, I mean, it's hard to like Jethro Tull.
Marc:I mean, it's the performative element, the flute.
Marc:There's a lot of things to be annoyed, for me, by Jethro Tull.
Marc:Look, I know some of the songs.
Marc:I've tried to go back...
Marc:and listen to some of the records because some people say, like, you know, Benefit's pretty great.
Marc:And yeah, okay, it's okay, but it doesn't stick.
Marc:And I just think from growing up with that stuff and him jumping around with that flute, he's kind of bordering on a kind of farcical character.
Marc:But obviously he could write a hit song.
Marc:You know, I don't know that I had much to do with making them hits, but I can see why anyone would hate Jethro Tull.
Marc:I'm a musician with 24 years clean and sober as someone who shares long-term recovery.
Marc:My question for you is how do you stay connected to fellowship?
Marc:I find myself drifting away, especially post-COVID.
Marc:No thoughts of relapse or anything here, but I have seen what happens when people lose vigilance.
Marc:Yeah, dude, I had a drinking dream last night, last fucking night.
Marc:And it wasn't even like it wasn't even a decisive drinking dream.
Marc:It was just I was at a bar with people and I was drinking and I and it was like I almost caught myself, not caught my well, I not almost caught myself.
Marc:It's just like I was in ordering a second beer and I'm like, when did this start?
Marc:Like I surprised myself.
Marc:Maybe I need to go to a meeting.
Marc:I'm the same as you.
Marc:I don't feel like I have thoughts of relapse.
Marc:Obviously, my unconscious does.
Marc:Occasionally, I get a little itchy around weed.
Marc:But for the most part, I'm in touch with sober people fairly frequently.
Marc:A couple of my good friends are sober.
Marc:and occasionally I'll go to a meeting to check in, but I think if you're asking this question, you should probably go to a meeting, as I do.
Marc:I mean, obviously the vigilance once required is not as much, and some people would argue with me about that, but I do go when I feel...
Marc:Really disconnected and really resentful.
Marc:And I have all the isms going.
Marc:I'll go.
Marc:But I do try to stay in touch.
Marc:Actually, it's just really one of my best friends is a sober guy.
Marc:And we can have those conversations.
Marc:And a lot of times I have those conversations on the show.
Marc:So, yeah.
Marc:What was the name of that Jewish book you are reading about anti-Semitism?
Marc:It's by David Bediel.
Marc:It's called Jews Don't Count.
Marc:And I interviewed that guy live in London when I was there.
Marc:And that episode will be on this Thursday.
Marc:Amazon, are you really doing that?
Marc:Oh, you mean the ads?
Marc:Yes, we're doing it.
Marc:And look, man, I mean, we do ads.
Marc:We vet the ads.
Marc:We decide which ads to do.
Marc:We decide which products to advertise and whether they're valid.
Marc:But the honest to God truth is it keeps the show free for people who want it to be free.
Marc:I mean, that's why the ads are there.
Marc:And people listening to this on the full Marin are paying to have no Amazon ads.
Marc:So I guess that's
Marc:That's it.
Marc:That's the rub.
Marc:That's the deal.
Marc:I was listening to The Backlog, the Kevin Smith episode specifically, and you mentioned the time you went on Bubba the Love Sponge and he walked out of the studio.
Marc:I'm not sure you remember me, but I was a producer there for nearly a decade and then went on to work at Stern.
Marc:That day practically lived in infamy on the show.
Marc:Do you even remember that?
Marc:And also, do you miss radio days like that?
Marc:Look, I do remember vaguely...
Marc:The Bubba episode.
Marc:I remember I was doing the show to promote a gig.
Marc:I don't know what gig.
Marc:I feel like there was a football player there, too.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Someone else was there.
Marc:I think it was before I did radio.
Marc:Maybe it wasn't.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I do have regrets about that day.
Marc:I don't know why Bubba walked out.
Marc:I don't know what he was trying to prove.
Marc:He left an open mic for anybody to jump on.
Marc:And I think in retrospect, in my recollection, the only regret I have is I didn't get on the mic and do something.
Marc:You know, I just was in the guest position and we were just stuck in the studio and it was clear he wasn't coming back.
Marc:But I don't think I made anything of it.
Marc:And maybe your your memory of it is different.
Marc:It was just awkward and weird.
Marc:And I didn't know who Bubba was and I didn't care.
Marc:And I don't know why he walked out.
Marc:I don't know if it was personal or what.
Marc:Maybe it was maybe I was on Air America at the time or I don't know.
Marc:I really don't know what or why it happened.
Marc:I do remember it happening.
Marc:And I remember regretting not getting on the mic.
Marc:Your comedy is often quite prescient.
Marc:An example came up in the anti AARP ad from Morning Sedition that you and Brendan played where you ask, can't we just watch The Apprentice already?
Marc:And that was 18 years ago.
Marc:Have you ever considered cashing in on this hidden talent of yours?
Marc:You could be a latter day Nostradamus.
Marc:You know, I don't know.
Marc:I just I just take in the information and occasionally, you know, something appears prescient, but I wouldn't say it's some skill I have or some gift or any sort of magic or mystical thing.
Marc:Could you include questions about money in your interviews?
Marc:You have interviewed people from a wide range of wealth on your show, and it is a topic so few people discuss.
Marc:What is it like to be wealthy?
Marc:When did you feel wealthy?
Marc:What do you do now that you didn't do before?
Marc:How charitable are you and for who?
Marc:Well, I mean, there's a reason why people don't talk about money.
Marc:If someone is there to talk about money, you know, they've got something to prove and something to share and something to inspire people with.
Marc:If that's the type of inspiration people want, you know, how to make money.
Marc:But it's an awkward question and it doesn't come up naturally.
Marc:I imagine there has to be one or two places where I've talked about it.
Marc:And certainly you can hear...
Marc:Some people talk about their lifestyle and sort of make assumptions.
Marc:But the specific question, what do you do now that you didn't do before, is not a bad question.
Marc:Describe in detail how you craft a story or joke.
Marc:Walk us through the process of finding the laugh, tweaking the language, reworking.
Marc:How exactly do you do it?
Marc:Well, I tend to start with an idea.
Marc:I talk about the idea on stage in a loose way and see where the laughs come or if they come.
Marc:And then as time goes on, I kind of continue to work it and add things through improvising on stage.
Marc:And then as they become more solid, I just repeat them and see if they continue to get laughs.
Marc:I mean, that's basically...
Marc:The way I do it through repetition, through improvising and through keeping it open, keeping it open and always adding things.
Marc:There are jokes that have completed themselves years later.
Marc:Love your glasses.
Marc:What kind and do you switch between different pairs?
Marc:You know, I usually commit to a pair for a long time.
Marc:These are Garrett Light's.
Marc:They are made by the son of the guy who was Oliver Peoples.
Marc:And what I don't know what what model are these?
Marc:The Hampton.
Marc:There's a Hampton and then there's a thicker Hampton.
Marc:But I generally commit to glasses for years and then one day just go fuck it.
Marc:It's time to to stop with these and get new ones.
Marc:What exceptionally small and petty thing do you judge people on?
Marc:Mine is adults who use ketchup.
Marc:Small and petty thing I judge people on.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:There's probably too many of them to count or maybe there's not that many of them.
Marc:I'm trying to think of the one thing that annoys me.
Marc:I don't like false humility.
Marc:Can you please talk about the emotions on seeing the David Bowie exhibit a few years back?
Marc:Well, I mean, it was just overwhelming to see all the stagecraft.
Marc:I think there was a video there of him performing that really got me.
Marc:He's one of those guys where you kind of evolve a relationship with him as you get older, and it keeps getting deeper and growing, and you start to sort of take in more as you sort of grow yourself.
Marc:So I just remember being overwhelmed and moved
Marc:by just the weird courage of that guy and just the output and the variety of it.
Marc:And it just moved me to tears.
Marc:But I think it was a performance video.
Marc:I can't remember which one.
Marc:Hi, Mark.
Marc:Would you consider doing an episode focused on borderline personality disorder?
Marc:I ask this because I married someone with BPD.
Marc:It's a shit show most of the time and incredibly difficult to articulate what goes on.
Marc:Even harder to find someone sort of in the know about what it is like to be a partner to someone with BPD, someone who gets the edges, the strange pearls of humor in the bedlam, all that.
Marc:I would be extremely interested to hear any conversation you might have on the topic.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I've been a little sort of strangely defensive about BPD because I've dated people with it.
Marc:It's been difficult.
Marc:I've mocked it in the past, which I'm not particularly proud of.
Marc:I may have had it a little bit when I was younger.
Marc:I'm sorry you're going through that because it's difficult.
Marc:And I did talk to Pete Davidson on this show about his...
Guest:uh borderline personality disorder so if you haven't heard it uh maybe maybe this will be helpful to you i hope so it's like fear of abandonment well that's right that's the big thing with the borderline yeah so like you learn because i would always be like i think everybody's mad at me everybody hates me like i'm gonna lose my friends i'm gonna lose my girlfriend like my family hates me and i would always just like
Guest:be all around I'd be worried all the time and I'd be freaking out and then this thing this class you know teaches you how to use those skills and how to like be kind of independent uh-huh is I guess the word to just sort of say to realize it like like your thoughts aren't necessarily real
Guest:Right, yeah.
Guest:It's like steps to thought processing.
Guest:You have this thought, you have these feelings, you have these urges, you're going to freak out.
Guest:Try waiting it out 10 minutes.
Guest:Try going for a walk.
Guest:And is it working?
Guest:It is working, slowly but surely.
Guest:I've been having a lot of problems.
Guest:This whole year has been a fucking nightmare.
Guest:Because of this?
Guest:This has been the worst year of my life for getting diagnosed with this and trying to figure out how to learn with this and live with this and just learning all about it and going to doctors nonstop.
Guest:It's getting better, but it's like, it's taking a while.
Guest:And you go to therapy, like talk therapy every week?
Guest:I go to talk therapy and they also, I have like this book and we go over like skills.
Guest:No kidding.
Guest:How to implement them.
Marc:Well, that's good.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Do any of them track it to the loss of your dad?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, that's the big, that's the big one.
Guest:They, it was like, however I lived my childhood and fear and all of this stuff is related.
Marc:And also you were fundamentally, you know, violently abandoned.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:My big thing is trust.
Guest:It's like, you know, one day he was here and then the next day, you know, they're gone.
Guest:Like, I have trouble when, like, I used to have trouble when sometimes my mom would be like, I'm going out.
Guest:You know, when people say they're leaving and coming back, I get, like, a really big fear that they're not going to come back.
Marc:Well, I think isn't the prognosis pretty good, especially if you're getting treatment?
Marc:I know that that borderline is difficult to treat, but some people actually grow out of it.
Guest:Yes, some people grow out of it and eventually don't need to do any of that stuff anymore.
Guest:So that's what I'm going to therapy with the hope of.
Marc:Isn't that fascinating though in the way that like because you were conscious enough that you were seven years old and you were emotionally attached and awake when that happened, when your father got killed, that wired your brain.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because the person I knew who had it also had loss in her life around that age.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And, you know, and it just like it just you can't comprehend what happened.
Marc:But you do know that, you know, people can leave or die and, you know, one day.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And that's that.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:So the talk therapy's helping?
Marc:Would you usually start with the day and track your feelings?
Guest:Yeah, it's day by day.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Because you could wake up a completely different person.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Just submerged in depression and self-hatred?
Guest:Yeah, you just wake up and you're like, the world is coming in on you and it's all about...
Guest:getting out of that and using your tools right like going through this book and like as like it's so hard and like lame yeah but like once you like you know actually do it and go through the book and you're like i'm gonna use this skill or like hold ice something or take a cold shower or listen to your favorite song really loud it sounds fucking lame and annoying but like when you do it it actually kind of works sure because like if you if you engage in those habits that eventually the neural pathways you trick your brain yeah and you do it enough right it stays tricked
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So you got to try to get your brain.
Guest:I have to convince myself I'm happy now.
Guest:That's been like my goal.
Marc:Let's not go crazy.
Marc:How about okay?
Guest:Right.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I would love to be okay, Mark.
Guest:That would be incredible.
Guest:Just to be okay would be incredible.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I know the feeling, man.
Marc:When you have a particularly intense interview, does establishing such an emotional connection with a guest no matter how brief the connection may be leave you feeling mentally drained?
Marc:If so, how do you cope with that?
Marc:Yeah, it's all, you know, it can be very exhausting, especially if I have to do two a day or more, which is rare, because I'm fully engaged and I go through the journey with them.
Marc:And yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, even with one interview, I do feel tired, but I cope with it, I guess, like anybody who talks to people who, for a living, you know, I kind of,
Marc:I process it.
Marc:I relax.
Marc:I have a coffee.
Marc:I sit down.
Marc:I take it in and integrate it.
Marc:Is it surreal to have a guest like Iggy Pop and other heroes of yours come to your house?
Marc:Did you ever envision that happening when you started the podcast?
Marc:Never.
Marc:Never.
Marc:It's more than just surreal.
Marc:It's overwhelming.
Marc:It's kind of amazing.
Marc:I mean, when David Letterman walked up to my house to talk to me in my house, yeah, I could not believe it was happening.
Marc:It's a testament to the shifting media landscape, but also just the fact that.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:As somebody who does these things at talk shows or interviews and stuff, you kind of get into a mindset where you just go and do it.
Marc:But these guys come and these women come and they come here.
Marc:And I put myself in their place, but I don't think that they're...
Marc:they're used to sort of me sharing myself with them.
Marc:So that process has been kind of the real benefit and joy and amazing thing about it is that, you know, I can connect with them as a person because it's sort of what I do.
Marc:And, uh,
Marc:Yeah, I never would have imagined it.
Marc:And it's completely mind blowing.
Marc:The people I talk to and I don't always keep it in perspective or or experience the gratitude I should or even know how to compartmentalize it.
Marc:I just kind of take them in as I engage with them as people most of the time.
Marc:And it's not till sometimes days later or weeks later.
Marc:I'm like, I can't believe that just fucking happened or happened a week ago or whatever.
Marc:In your podcast, you often mention your process for your comedic shows that you tend not to write them down, but perform them out at clubs to mine for good materials.
Marc:What about the monologues you perform in your podcast?
Marc:I always I'm always wondering if you're free forming from a list of a topic or if you semi script what you say, it definitely feels thought out, but organic at the same time.
Marc:It's mostly free form.
Marc:Sometimes I have things I want to say.
Marc:Occasionally I will write things out or outline.
Marc:But usually I have an idea and then I just sort of engage with my thoughts on it.
Marc:And I talk them out and I let things unfold in real time as I say them.
Marc:Many times I'm saying things I've never said before and that's sort of the act of discovery becomes shared.
Marc:But I would say 90% of the time I'm just kind of riffing off a couple of things I want to talk about.
Marc:I was listening to an older episode recently, and you mentioned a show you were doing for Vice.
Marc:I Googled and saw announcements for it, but nothing else.
Marc:What happened with that?
Marc:I don't know what happened with that.
Marc:The Vice Network was a big idea.
Marc:They brought me in.
Marc:I was very reluctant.
Marc:They made promises.
Marc:We were going to try to do an interview show and have it be somewhat like WTF, but we have found that to be impossible.
Marc:um you know to do and it just we did one pilot episode with john cameron mitchell and they made all these promises about guests but we they could get none huge lists of guests kept coming and going no one signed on no one knew what it was no one knew what the network was no i don't know what the issue was but we just kept looking at guest lists and approving them and then nothing happening until it went away
Marc:If the opportunity presented itself, would you be interested in acting on stage, Broadway or otherwise?
Marc:If so, what would be a dream piece to perform in?
Marc:Yeah, I would like to do stage work.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I'm very open to it.
Marc:Burn This would be interesting.
Marc:Hurley Burley would be interesting.
Marc:True West would be interesting.
Marc:I'm very limited in my knowledge of what's out there as as theater because I don't go to it enough.
Marc:But lately I've been thinking it would be exciting to do a stage piece to do to be cast in a theatrical production.
Marc:What would you say about the need for a historical AA book from an alcoholic woman's perspective?
Marc:I find myself wanting one.
Marc:I think that's a great idea.
Marc:A lot of that literature is dated and weird and the language is weird and certainly very male centric and patriarchal and a little gaudy.
Marc:Yeah, I mean, a sanctioned book by a woman for AA would probably be very, very helpful.
Marc:And I'm not even sure there isn't one.
Marc:But yeah, there.
Marc:Yeah, there should be one.
Marc:what is your least favorite sound well you know leaf blowers are right up there and that just comes from repetition annoyance what color socks am i wearing currently i just got a whole bunch of new bombas these are like striped orange and teal and black and kind of there's some pink in it they're ankle socks i was planning on hiking a bunch of bombas hard to hard to lock in on a color
Marc:Do you ever talk to President Obama?
Marc:Did you swap phone numbers after you interviewed him in your garage?
Marc:Just curious, really curious.
Marc:I do not.
Marc:I'd like to say I do, but I do not.
Marc:We don't have each other's phone number.
Marc:I wouldn't know how to get hold of him.
Marc:So sorry if that's disappointing.
Marc:What is the definition of success?
Marc:Huh.
Marc:It seems to me that the definition of success is being able to entertain the idea of stopping and not being afraid to do that for all the reasons that one would be afraid to stop doing what they're doing.
Marc:All right, that's it for Ask Mark Anything.
Marc:Thank you for your questions.
Marc:I hope those were thorough enough answers.