BONUS The Radio Days - Andy Richter, Joe Pantoliano, Chelsea Handler
So, folks, many of you know by now, especially you bonus folks, you know, I was on a radio show that my first experience on the radio was on Morning Sedition on Air America.
And there were a bunch of interviews that we did.
Most of the interviews...
were promotional interviews.
So they're not the kind of interviews that we do here.
And a lot of the people that I talked to were guests who later appeared here on WTF.
Yeah.
It's kind of interesting.
I mean, it's a long time ago and it's interesting to see who was around.
But we have this little stash of these interviews.
Again, short form, promotional generally.
But it is kind of, it's not nostalgic for me, but it's interesting how long I've been doing this.
So in this batch, you'll hear me and Andy Richter from May 23rd, 2005.
Then a little interlude with our grief correspondent Mort Mortensen and his morning remembrance from that same period.
That was a bit that was refillable that we did.
Then Joe Pantoliano, Joey Pants, talking with me and Mark Riley, my co-host from May 27th, 2005.
And finally, an up-and-coming Chelsea Handler from June 8th, 2005.
This was the first time I met her and well before her E!
Network show.
So listen to these.
I'll give you a heads up.
Same with the last time we did these.
These are compressed digital files.
So the audio quality isn't up to our standards, but it's not bad.
Enjoy the pass, people.
18 past the hour, Mark Maron here.
It's morning tradition on Air America Radio.
Mark Riley out for the day.
In the studio with me now is a guy who used to do talk shows.
He spent six years on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, which earned him five consecutive Emmy nominations.
You've seen him in plenty of movies like Elf, Scary Movie 2, and his own TV show, Andy Richter, Controls the Universe.
This is the Andy Richter who is now doing an animated voice in this movie that's coming out, right?
Yes, I do.
And the movie is called Madagascar.
Yes, it is.
And you play a rat.
Well, no, I play a lemur.
which is sort of like if a monkey had sex with a squirrel.
I like lemurs.
I've always been a fan of lemurs when I go to the zoo.
Really?
Yes, I'm a fan of lemurs.
I'm also very engaged with sloths.
I like sloths.
Sloths are nice, although sloths are less cuddly because of the claws.
They're freakish.
Yeah.
Did you ever just look at a sloth when you were a kid and go, that's scary and weird, and why is he moving like that?
Every childhood memory of mine is repressed.
Really?
So I don't have any, I have no recollection.
No recollection of zoo experience?
Mm-mm.
Monkeys?
No, nothing.
It's all gone.
Nothing.
Just kind of like I'll get heartburn when I think about it.
That's all I think.
That's all.
To me, that's what, it's just heartburn.
So when people go, so when you were seven, you immediately, like, oh.
Yeah.
I'm burning.
Yeah.
Prilosec, where are you?
Burning bad, something dark.
Yeah, I understand that.
It's hard for me as well.
So in preparing for an animated voice, you just did a Russian accent for me effortlessly when we were off the air.
Could you do it one more time?
Sure.
Well, like I said, the key to Russian accent is Boris and Natasha.
It's just moose and squirrel.
That's it.
Yeah.
That sounds like my driver.
Darling.
Yeah.
Matthew, yeah.
He never said darling to me.
Darling.
Good morning, darling.
That would be awkward.
I would feel strange.
Especially if he was in the back seat when you got in.
Good morning, darling.
Who's going to drive?
This is weird.
I'm going to have to start repressing my mornings.
That's right.
So do you have a point of reference for all accents in terms of doing your acting work that are cartoons or people that you know by any chance?
No, not really.
It's...
I mean, I don't consider myself like some big accent guy because there's some that I can't do very well.
Like if I ever get hired to do something kind of seriously, you know, say like I got hired to play
A guy who grew up on Cape Cod.
I wouldn't know.
I'd be lost.
How are you?
Yeah, and I could maybe do it, you know, how are you?
How are you?
You know, for a minute.
But didn't you have a weird accent in New York Minute?
Yeah, yeah, Chinese.
Well, you know, speaking English with a Chinese accent.
That was... It was just pure racism is what it was.
It was just... And I... No, there was this scene.
It was supposed to be like a Caucasian guy who was raised by the Chinese mafia.
Oh, okay.
And... Was it like Jerry Lewis?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, it was, you know... Oh, I feel good to see you.
Come on.
Come over here.
And...
And I was, and I really, you know, I just, well, I, you know, aside from having a child that eats like he's angry at me, you know, and needing the job, I thought, when am I ever going to get a chance to be in a movie where I get to play?
And it's like, but I did, there were scenes where, because it was my mother who was the head of the Chinese mafia.
Okay.
Tong, I imagine.
We never said Tong in New York Minute.
That's far too...
complicated yeah way too history channel you know which is you know it's like saying Chinese spaghetti but then we did a scene in a nail salon with real
Chinese extras.
And that's when I realized, you know, when it's just me and Mary-Kate and Ashley, you know, shooting somewhere and I'm going, oh, get in the car.
I'll drive you to town.
Then it was okay.
But as soon as I was, you know, having to do a whole scene or like, I'm sorry, Ma, I'll get them.
I'll kill them.
You know, that's when I was really like,
Yeah, I looked around, and they're all, like, laughing.
They all loved it, you know, like, all right.
But, you know, thinking they're hateful thoughts.
I know, but that could just be because people are always happy to be paid.
So you have a child that eats like he's angry at you?
Yes, yes, he's angry.
Well, that's just what I say.
How old is he now?
He's four.
He's four years old.
Is he going to be able to see Madagascar?
He already did.
We went to the premiere.
Was he able to guess which one Daddy was?
He knew, but I still don't fully... He's able to tell people... Daddy does the voice of Mort, but I don't really think that he... I don't think that he understands completely that that's...
Yeah, the cartoon is drawings that people then go into a studio and say the words, and then the two things are married, the image and the sound.
He thinks it's still magic?
I think he might think I'm a shapeshifter.
And then when he goes to bed, I can become a lemur.
So when you're actually watching the movie with him, did he keep looking at you?
No, he's... Well, he actually does not like to go to movies very much because...
it's sensory overload to him still he's it still is you know going into a dark well first of all when i always think about you think about you know try to relate to him from the small creature perspective yeah and there's still on some level he's still probably got to be concerned with being eaten sure just because he's a big thing yeah by the big things that are all over the place and and
So you go into a dark room being a small creature.
Yeah.
And that in itself is probably not a good idea.
Yeah.
And then you've got this huge wall of noise and color and explosions.
Because the first few times we tried to take him to the movie, he just was like,
You could see circuits overloading.
I'm freaking out.
Too much.
Remember, when we were kids, it was before Lucas Sound and Sense... Yeah, yeah.
And just the sound in some movies, it's brain-bending.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it frightens me as an adult, I cry.
My wife is pregnant.
She's about... How many have you had this second one?
Yeah, we're going to have two.
And we went to see Kingdom of Heaven a couple weekends ago, and she actually...
said that the sound almost, she felt like it was putting her into labor.
She actually, for a moment, was like, I think I better get out of here.
I'm going to have a premature child in my lap.
Well, let's listen to a clip from your new movie, Madagascar.
Can we do that?
This is Andy Richter playing Mort DeLemur.
I like them.
I like them.
I like them first.
I was the first one to like them.
I saw them.
I like them right away.
Before they came, I saw them in my mind's eye, and I like them very much.
That's Andy Richter.
There's more in the animated film Madagascar, which opens this Friday, May 27th.
It also stars Chris Rock and Ben Stiller.
Let's talk a little bit more about the movie, and also I need some advice about hosting a talk show.
It's 27 past the hour.
Wow.
34 past the hour, Mark Maron here.
It's morning's edition on Air America Radio.
Riley is out for the day.
We've got the morning remembrance coming up with Mort Mortensen to see who he deemed important enough to honor in his obituaries.
I'm still here with Andy Richter, formerly of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, currently of Madagascar, the new DreamWorks animated film.
All right, buddy.
All right, Andy.
I've been hosting this talk show for a little more than a year, and I've got to be honest with you, it was not easy at the beginning.
Right.
Three months.
And I had no idea just how difficult it really was until I saw myself on television in this documentary about the network.
And then I realized that you also were on a talk show that was brand new.
Right.
And no one knew.
How did you feel during the beginning, when you were on the Conan O'Brien show, just like, you know, the weird skidding that you must have felt at least for a half a year?
Yeah.
Oh, it was more than that.
Well, see, I was lucky enough to not have to carry the bulk of the interviewing.
Yeah.
You know, there were people who would say to me, like,
you know, compliment me on how funny I was as if it was some sort of competition among all the people involved.
Yes.
Usually, and I would say, and I would think and sometimes say, well, it's easy because I'm like a designated hitter.
Right.
But a designated hitter who gets to choose when he goes to bat.
Right.
I can sit there, and I would say sometimes because –
You know, there's the monologue, and then there's what we call the desk bit, and there's usually the top of act one comedy.
Then there's two acts of interview, and then there's the middle act bit.
And frequently, I would not be sort of written into those bits.
And I used to say to the...
the, you know, floor director all the time, he'd say like, you know, if I play my cards right, I don't have to say a word tonight.
And there were some, there were some shows where I really did go, he'd say, you know, Andy, how you doing?
Pretty good, how are you?
And that was, and that would be it until the end of the show.
And I, you know,
Depending on if I was in a cranky mood or, you know, whatever.
And that's hilarious because I've never heard or seen anybody say a negative word about Andy Richter.
Oh, really?
In terms of the Conan O'Brien show.
Absolutely.
Oh.
But, you know, in terms of, you know, other stuff.
Right.
I know.
You want me to get the list off?
Yeah.
Well, I am handsy.
Yeah.
That's the problem.
In all truth, I've never heard anyone say anything bad about you.
But I just realized that that is true, that the host...
is obviously going to take all the hits, whether he deserves them or not.
And you've probably got a lot of this, like, man, sorry, dude, you've got to sit there and do this.
Yeah, no, I was always like, are you kidding?
And there would be, you know, the only sort of thing is that there are times when...
you got something to say, and then the moment passes, and it just is sort of wasted.
So there is, like, wasted material just because of timing.
You don't want to go, wait, back up, guys.
You know that thing you were saying about shirt?
You can't do that.
But it is true that then there's a lot of times, too, and especially, like, if Connor and I were –
you know, being crabby with each other and there would be a bad interview.
It was just so much fun.
You know, like, you're just kind of like, having fun, Conan.
I'm not, and he'd look at me and be like, no, help me out.
I'm like, no, no, I won't.
How often did that happen?
Oh, not that often.
Not that often.
I mean, I miss, I miss the, I miss working there.
I miss, because, but it's mostly, a lot of it is, is,
It's more like a New York, L.A.
thing.
Sure.
And it's more like a prime time versus late night thing because, you know, we were left so alone.
There was such a serious lack of adult supervision on the Conan show because we're in New York.
All the real jerks, you know, the corporate people are in Los Angeles.
And so...
We would have, we had, and, you know, they would come, what it was more like, it was more like you were neglected children who had parents who were jet setters.
Right.
Who would come home every once in a while and yell at you.
Right.
You know, but then they'd be gone.
And they'd buy you suits and things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They still, they could be like, buy you suits.
And it was way worse in the beginning because there were guys, there were network executives who were, like, some guy that was just, like,
Don Olmeyer's pal.
Yeah.
And he was in charge of the studio or something.
And he knew nothing.
He knew, he was just like, he's like one of those, like Gucci loafer with no socks kind of guys.
And then always khaki pants and navy blazer with brass buttons.
You know, just, and would come in and his solution to Conan would be things, he would always say things like, you gotta put some energy in it.
You gotta run up into the audience.
He would say that every time.
Rump into the audience.
Like, and then what?
And Conan actually was there once and was like, and then what?
You know, just lather it up.
Like, oh, okay.
What a great idea.
But that guy left.
But initially, there were people that just treated him like garbage, just treated him so badly.
Who, Conan?
Yeah, yeah.
I know, I know.
It was rough, but he seems okay.
You guys talk still?
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, that's what you were saying before is interesting, is that, you know, it's good to work.
You know, like, I mean, on some level, because I used to see you over there.
I mean, I did the show a lot, and as busy as it got, like, this is the first job I've had that is as demanding as it is.
Right.
But I like to work.
Oh, yeah.
When I'm working, it's great.
Oh, me too.
It's much nicer than sitting around wondering, like, when the hell work's going to come.
See, that's kind of what I'm dealing with right now, and that's one of the things that I miss.
And doing that in L.A.?
Yeah.
Oh, my God, because when you're not working in L.A., you feel like everybody is secretly just going, Andy's not working.
Right, right.
Well, no, what you do is because I do things...
I play golf, and so I'll go to, well, but I'll go to the, like, you know, I had these days where I dropped my son off at preschool, and then, like, oh, what now?
You know, because the answer could be, like, go home and work on that screenplay, but, I mean, that would really sort of help me out and make sense.
No.
So instead it's, oh, I guess I could go to the driving range.
And then I go, and there are these guys, and you just know by the way they carry themselves that,
but they're sort of voiceover guys or something.
And they're there.
They're, you know, 47 years old.
They probably lived in L.A.
for 15 years.
They've been scraping together $40,000 a year for the last...
And you just feel like, that is me.
That's my future.
Like this guy, you know, wearing Ross Dress for Less shoes.
Chemical peeled face.
Yeah.
I mean, no, they just like sort of like that bare subsistence level of show business that you can do.
And the thing out there, too, is like you can do it because the weather's nice.
Sure.
You know, like if you're making $40,000 doing, you know, a couple of walk-on spots on WB sitcoms,
Two or three of those, and you got yourself a salary.
You're renting a guest house in Malibu.
Yeah, or an apartment in Woodland Hills, in which you're the youngest person in the building by 35 years.
Sadly, we're going to run out of time here in a second, and I want to do the movie justice.
Oh, right.
Yeah, I want to do the movie justice.
Madagascar.
Now, this is a challenging film about...
About friendship.
Oh.
Yeah.
Between?
Animals.
It's interspecial friendship.
Oh.
It's mainly about a lion and a zebra who are pals.
Uh-huh.
Well, it's about zoo animals, four zoo animals, a lion, a zebra, a hippo, and a giraffe.
Yet another movie about a lion, a zebra, a hippo, and a giraffe.
Here we go again.
Yeah.
They escape from the zoo and are sort of sent back to the wild, but they end up falling off a ship and ending up on the beach of Madagascar.
Do any of them get lost in the storm?
They all get lost in the storm.
Do they die?
No, nobody dies.
Because it's for... Nobody dies, yeah.
And there's sort of a... There's a whole subplot about...
about carnivore-herbivore friendship and how they can sort of become friends, which the way they become friends is eating fish.
That's what I'm doing.
Fish, fish apparently are, they don't have, which is, I always love this in cartoons.
Yeah.
Where how, like...
Like Mickey Mouse.
Mickey Mouse can have a pet dog, and I'm sure there's a million stand-ups that have done bits on this.
I don't know any.
Mickey Mouse has his pet dog, Pluto.
But then he's also got a pal who can talk and drive a car who's a dog.
Goofy.
Called Goofy.
Sure.
And somehow there's this, like, well, some dogs are retarded and remain dogs, and other dogs...
Well, I mean, he's goofy.
He's still mildly retarded.
But he at least has, you know, enough human stuff.
And that's the way this is.
Like, you know, the lemurs are cute and you don't want to eat them.
But fish, apparently, eat all you want.
You know, it's interesting because now we'll get mail.
You don't realize the diversity of my audience because I recently stopped eating meat.
I've just, you know, been eating fish.
And literally two or three emails.
Well, what about the fish's feelings?
Is she a pain?
Who cares?
Oh, beautiful.
Andy Richter, thanks for being with us.
All right, thanks.
The movie is Madagascar.
It's got the voice of Chris Rock, Ben Stiller, and, of course, Andy Richter, who plays Mort the lemur.
And we've got our very own Mort.
Coming up, it's Mort Mortensen with Morning Remembrance.
Up next, it's 44 past the hour right now.
This is Air America Radio.
Henry Corden, voice of Fred Flintstone.
Oh, man.
Henry Corden, who for almost 30 years was famous for voicing the character of Fred Flintstone with his iconic Yabba Dabba Doo, is Yabba Dabba Dead.
In addition to the popular children's slash adult-oriented cartoon series, Corden also supplied his voice for a string of specials such as The Flintstones Get New Neighbors, Fred's Final Fling, and Fred and Barney Get Gonorrhea Stone.
Ha ha ha!
Gonorrhea stone.
You all right?
All right.
Gonorrhea stone.
Speaking of stones, I'm allergic to marble dust.
Marble dust?
What the hell is marble dust?
Museums.
Gordon reportedly died of multiple puncture wounds after trying to shave himself with a clamshell full of bumblebees.
Ha!
and use a porcupine as a hairbrush.
That'll do it.
That'll do it right there.
Gordon has unrealistically requested his remains be interned inside the beak of a priceless pterodactyl skeleton.
There he goes.
Anyway, this has been this morning's remembrance.
Until next week, this is Mort Morton's Insane.
Who's chopping onions?
19 past the hour.
Mark Maron here with Mark Riley.
It's Morning Sedition on Air America Radio.
In just a few minutes, we're going to be giving away tickets to a screening of the new movie Second Best.
It's playing at the Angelica here in New York City.
This is from the trailer to the movie.
Once upon a time, a loser had a big job in publishing in the city across the river.
Things didn't work out, so now he sticks to home base, County of Bergen, selling suits and self-publishing a weekly diatribe on the evils of self-delusion.
Right now we've got the star of the film in the studio.
You recognize that voice.
You may know him as Joey Pants.
You may have seen him in The Matrix, Midnight Run, The Fugitive Risky Business, Memento, and, of course, The Sopranos.
Joe Pantoliano, we're happy you're here.
Thank you, Mark.
I watched most of the movie, second best.
And it seems like, obviously, it's a much smaller film than you're used to doing.
It's heavy, man.
I mean, it's funny, but it's very dark.
Can you tell us a little bit about how it came about and what it's about?
You know, when I was working on Season 3, which was my first year on The Sopranos,
My lawyer, who is an executive producer on this, Paul Mayerson, brought me the script.
And, you know, the problem with American culture these days is everybody wants to make a sure buck movie.
They make these recipes for disaster.
They don't have an original thought in their mind.
They surround themselves with actors that make sense.
that's going to, you know, hedge their bets.
So if they make a bad movie, they'll be able to sell it in the foreign market.
So essentially, they wind up making a bad movie.
So you're reading the paper, everybody, all these powers that be talking about how the receipts are down, and, you know, nobody's going to the movies because receipts are down, and we don't know why it's 20% down.
Well, the reason why it's 20% down is the movie's
suck.
Nobody's watching what he wants to go, and the word of mouth gets you.
So all they really, they're designing these movies for an opening weekend.
If they can get that weekend, then they can sell it off in the farm marketplace and in DVD sales.
They don't lose nothing.
Yeah, it's a hedge fund, but it's not, it's art and commerce, and commerce is overtaking the art aspect of movie making.
Absolutely.
So Eric Weber, who wrote and directed Second Best,
I met him.
He's not a young man.
You know, he's the guy my age.
You know, I'm in the middle 50s.
Maybe he's got a couple of years on me.
He's passionate about it.
He financed this movie with his own money.
There's a thing called below a screen actor skill has a division where they give you a break.
And so do the other unions.
We shot this movie entirely in New Jersey.
It was a union movie.
The unions gave us a break.
We shot it in 24 days, 25 days.
A lot of my friends, I'm a producer on the movie, so I reached out and I called my friends to be in this movie.
The only reason why this movie was made is because studios wouldn't, they said, who's going to want to look at a movie about a bunch of old guys that can't get laid?
So this is a story about the idea that in our culture, you have to be number one.
And so if you're lucky enough to be number one, then you have to deal with the frustrating, frightening aspect that you will not be able to sustain that number one position.
We will never always be number one.
And the majority of this culture, we're all SEC investors.
What Eric Weber is trying to say is it's okay to embrace your second-bestness.
In a film, though, it's not just second-best.
You embrace a type of bitterness that I think a lot of people are familiar with.
Very frankly, very matter-of-factly, the character that you play is a writer who's not afraid to insult just about everybody around him in order to get this point across.
I think that's why Eric cast me.
No, you're great in it.
And it's also interesting because it's shot on video, which is, you know, it takes you a second to even see you on video, to see Bronson Pinshaw on video.
It's because it's a quality of film that's very inexpensive, and it took a minute to adjust to, but because of the video, there's a rawness to it that really comes through.
Yeah, it almost feels like it's documentary, like you're peeking into the style.
I actually saw my friend...
Peter Markle did the John McCain movie, Sins of the Father.
I saw it last night at the Intrepid.
And they shot it.
Now, we shot that movie two summers ago with Canon digital cameras.
And the technology is the future.
You know, if I can give anybody any kind of advice is sell your Kodak stock because it's going to all be digital.
And the quality...
I'm writing that down.
The quality is going to get better.
When we did our movie, I always said as the producing part of the entity to Eric is that we need to embrace our limitations.
We have to tell the story.
The content is important.
What you're writing is so important.
We surround...
the infrastructure of your story and what you're telling with great actors.
Patricia Hearst is in it.
And Patty's a friend of mine, a neighbor, and I asked her to come in and she came in and met Eric and said yes.
And Jennifer, you know, they basically came in and created that character.
Jennifer Tilly.
Yeah.
Jennifer Tilly plays a crossing guard who's married, who I have an affair with because, you know.
You can get laid in the movie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I have a love scene.
Uh-oh.
And I'll tell you, because it's on video, which, you know, is what all porn used to be on, it definitely resonates.
Well, thank you.
You know, it's... The pornographic qualities of this movie are fascinating.
And also, you know, it reaches out to... Bitter people.
Well, people... But I also think...
But I think that it touches a part of us.
Yeah, definitely.
You know, that we, that Elliot is saying what most people think.
Yeah, I think that, I actually think that's the appeal of the movie.
And, you know, why don't we get some screen passes away right now.
If you're listening in the New York area, you can call us here for a pair of tickets to tomorrow's 730 showing of Second Best and
at the Angelica Theater here in Manhattan.
The phones are now open, 866-303-2270.
The first five callers, I guess, will win the tickets, 866-303-2270.
You know, I saw the movie the other day.
I watched it on a DVD at home.
I'll tell you, it's an interesting movie.
It's not necessarily an upbeat movie, but it's definitely an honest movie, and it reveals a part of...
All I can say from my point of view, it's definitely a male-oriented movie.
But boy, the type of bitterness and the type of disappointment in a comedic way.
It's an interesting film.
We're going to talk more with Joe Pantoliano about the movie in just a few minutes.
So 866-303-2270.
First five callers are going to win the tickets.
And we'll announce your names in just a few minutes.
It's 27 past the hour.
It's Air America Radio.
34 past the hour.
Mark Marin here with Mark Riley.
This morning's edition here on Air America Radio.
I want to congratulate Maritz, Tom, Joe, Rob, and John.
They all won a pair of tickets to see Second Best tomorrow night at the Angelica.
We're talking to the star of Second Best, also the star of many things.
You might know him from Midnight Run, from The Sopranos, from Risky Business.
But Joe Pantoliano today is the star of Second Best.
And, you know, Joe, you play a pretty selfish character.
And the character refuses to be self-pitying.
And because of that, he's going to make everyone else around him pay for it.
Miserable.
And he lives off his mother, who's living in a senior citizen's home.
He's living off his ex-wife, who dumped him.
for the contractor architect that was building their dream house.
Because he was lucky enough at least to marry a wife that a psychiatrist was making a buku bucks.
But in the meantime, she starts banging the architect.
And now I'm friends with the architect because they give me checks.
I sued her for, you know, alimony.
My dental hygienist son, who's just this gorgeous guy, the only son I got, and he turns out to be gay, and I'm just begging him.
I'm pleading with him to just try a woman once.
Just make your daddy happy.
And can I have $100 because I need to buy groceries?
I mean, the guy, there's no end to it.
But Eric Weber's.
does not cheap out.
You know, he does not, in the end, make this guy become a winner.
He does not, you know, even allow this guy to realize, really, how lucky he is.
Now, Joe Pamphaliano, this movie was shot in Jersey.
Is it a Jersey movie?
I mean, there is now, I guess, a quantifiable group of movies that are generally regarded as New Jersey films or films.
No, I wouldn't say.
I mean, we shot it in New Jersey because we wanted to, you know, a community.
We shot it in Tenafly.
I live in Englewood.
Okay, so we shot all in that surrounding area.
This is more of Americana.
It could be anywhere you would say.
And the problem is that a lot of studios or allegedly independent filmmakers will go and shoot.
If this movie was an independent studio picture,
It would have been made in Toronto or Vancouver or Montreal, and then they would have said it was New Jersey, you know?
You know what I like about the film?
Honestly, I couldn't stop watching it.
I'm a big fan of yours.
But the compelling thing to me was the tone of conversation.
There was an honesty to these guys that was brutal.
And there was parts of it that it was uncomfortable for me to watch, even though I've been sitting in the same circle of guys saying the same thing before in my life.
That might be New Jersey.
I know that because I grew up in New Jersey.
I'm from Hoboken, New Jersey.
I moved when I was 14 to Cliffside Park, New Jersey.
I went to high school there.
And I know that when we rag on each other, my friends are just tearing me apart.
I really feel that at the worst, when they really get under my skin, it really is an expression of love.
The other thing about Eric Weber, though, that I must say is that on all of the occasions during the making of this movie where I gave up.
I gave up as an actor.
I gave up as a producer.
I kept saying, we can't do it.
We don't have the money to do this.
We don't have the infrastructure to do this.
Nobody's going to get it.
You know, people, who's going to care?
But he continued.
He was relentless.
What's his history?
He was an ad guy, an advertising guy for many years.
And he wrote the book, How to Pick Up Girls, that wound up becoming the movie, How to Pick Up Girls.
The one that he did in the magazines?
Yeah, yeah.
The one that you started.
It was a little picture that had been around for years.
Yeah, he sold it in Playboy.
Wound up selling like four million copies of this thing.
So he has really a young artist, artistic spirit.
When he said, we're going to enter it for consideration for the Sundance Film Festival, I screamed at him.
I said, what are you, crazy?
This movie will never get into Sundance.
He got into Sundance.
You know, I said, are you crazy?
None of these kids are going to come and see this movie at Sundance.
It sold out crowds, and they had to add three screens.
You know, and then, you know, think film.
took us on, bought the film.
We are in one theater.
People have to understand that this Memorial Day weekend, where all of the big movies are coming out, we're like this little David against the Goliaths.
We got one theater.
We have one screen at the Angelica.
That's it?
One?
That's it.
That's it.
You know, we got this great review in the New York Times.
Jeffrey Lyons gave us a rave.
I mean, we're getting really great reviews.
It appeals to an older demographic.
So, of course, all these geniuses, you know, these yuppies, these spankies, these guys that are running my life are going, well, you know, it's not going to be 18 or 49.
Nobody's going to want to watch this movie.
And the fact is that more and more people, they see it.
It strikes a chord.
Well, it got under my skin, and I'm not an old guy.
I'm 41.
But I think a lot of the reason is people are going to want to see you.
You're sitting right here.
You're no different than you are on screen.
I feel like I know you just because I've seen you in films for 15 years or 20 years.
I mean, my assumption was that people just know you to be Joe, not the guy in The Sopranos.
Is that true or not?
That is true.
But also, it's the...
demographic uh uh two two brothers came out and i was coming out of the car just now came up to me and one guy and one guy said hey he said uh captain captain howard how you doing man and i says i'm great and he was with a friend of his and he's going well how do you help people and i'm looking
I'm looking at this kid, and his friend is going, what the hell are you talking about?
And finally, we figured out that he thought I was Dr. Phil.
You know?
You know?
It's like so, you know, but if it's, you know, you're the memento demographic.
You're the matrix group.
You're the soprano group.
And it's always about those characters.
You know, I forgot about memento.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, you obviously bring a passion to your work, and you're very passionate about Second Best.
What does it take to get you passionate?
The fact that I don't put the script down.
It doesn't matter if it's a large screen movie, you know, if it's Daredevil or if it's Bad Boys or if it's Second Best or if it's Memento.
Once it's made,
The fact that if it turns out any good at all is always a miracle.
What happens in the editing is always a miracle.
And I love the idea of being on the, I love the cutting edge stuff.
When we did The Matrix, that was like groundbreaking, you know.
Michael Bay, when we did Bad Boys, he was the first timer that I wanted to work with.
I've had great successes with first-time directors.
Taylor Hackford, Andy Davis, you know, Michael Bay, Chris Nolan, the Wachowski brothers.
You know, the first movie I did with them was Bound.
That was, you know, for my money, probably my favorite movie I've done with them.
And I've done Bound and The Matrix.
But, you know, the limitations of...
of the dollar value and what they were able to say and how they used that camera was fascinating.
So that stuff is a big indicator for me.
It used to be you've got to take 70% of the work that I would take was to pay the rent and get the mortgage.
I have a little bit more latitude in my choices.
You made a good choice with this one, man.
Second best is the movie.
It's playing at the Angelica in New York City with hopes of a wider release soon.
Now, tonight you're going to be doing a Q&A after the 7.30 showing?
Yeah, and Polly Draper's going to be there, and Matthew Arkin and Eric Weber, the writer-director, myself.
Thanks for joining us, Joe Pantoliano.
It was great seeing you.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks for having me on, fellas.
34 past the hour, Mark Maron here with Mark Reilly.
Yo!
Morning sedition on Air America Radio.
I'll be at the Strand Bookstore this Friday at the corner of 12th Street and Broadway from 6 to 9 hosting the show without my friend Mark Reilly.
I won't be there.
We'll be in Disney World, but we're going to have Eric Bogosian.
We're going to have Jim David will be there.
He's funny.
Yeah.
Southern gay man.
Southern gay?
Southern gay man comedians.
The only one?
No, I'm sure there's more.
I will be performing at Bananas Comedy Club in Hasbro Heights, New Jersey on Saturday, June 25th.
Go to bananascomedyclub.com and you can win two tickets and transportation at the Strand to see me in New Jersey.
What would a New Yorker want more than that?
A Manhattanite than to win tickets to go to New Jersey to see me.
Talk about me.
Right now in the studio, we're pleased to have actress and comedian Chelsea Handler.
She's one of the stars of Oxygen Network's Girls Behaving Badly and is the author of this book I'm holding in my hand right now, Horizontal Life, My Horizontal Life, a collection of one-night stands.
Good morning, Chelsea.
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you, boy?
We're very good.
We're doing all right.
So, you know, I never knew that there were women that were proud of having one-night stands.
That's right.
I knew you were out there because I've had several, so they must be out there.
Well, you know, in the old days.
No, I had to.
Back in the day.
Back when I was married to my first wife.
Anyway, is that bad?
Old school, huh?
So how many married guys have you slept with?
No, I don't sleep with married guys.
What are you talking about?
Oh, really?
So how many, like, are you proud of your one-night stands?
Obviously, you wrote a book about it.
No, I've been living in L.A.
for 10 years, and I was, you know, in my 20s, and having a lot of fun, and a lot of girls...
I just got so annoyed with these girls that pretend they're not doing it, that are shy and say, oh, no, nothing happened.
And then three weeks later you find out she got double teamed or something.
I just hate that stuff.
It's like we're doing it.
There's nothing wrong with it if you're single and you're not married yet.
You're out there having fun.
And I had so many funny stories that I figure –
I think I should write a book.
Now, that's a good question.
Hooking up, like, that's a pretty broad thing.
That could mean what?
Well, it could mean anything.
It could mean anything from making out to, like, oral sex to fooling around, just, like, rolling around.
Anything but penetration.
Okay, so it goes all the way up to that.
That's what hooking up means.
Yeah.
Have you ever hooked up before?
Yeah.
Yeah, obviously, but that's a fairly new phrase.
It wasn't around when I was there.
Hooking up with it?
Not really.
Oh, okay.
Was it around when you were hooking up?
It meant something different.
Oh, it did?
It did, actually.
It was a drug reference.
It was a drug reference.
What did it mean?
It means storing.
That's what it means.
Can you hook me up with some drugs?
Yeah, can you hook me up?
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So, what?
Go ahead.
We must just be from different generations.
Absolutely.
I didn't realize that.
So let's talk about this.
I was told that – let's talk about this gynecological episode.
Oh, that was a good one.
In the book, I talk about how this – my girlfriend met this gynecologist, and he was, like, smoking hot.
And he said, you know, Chelsea, I was single, and she knew that I was good to go for hooking up with people.
Yeah.
whatever we're calling it now.
And so she set me up with this guy.
She goes, you have to go in and you have to see this guy.
He's my gynecologist.
He's gorgeous.
He's beautiful.
I'm like, oh, my God, perfect.
A hot guy who also knows his way around, you know, female genitalia.
So I went in for my pap smear that I had had two weeks prior.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
I was like, let's get things off to a good start right away.
So I went in for an exam with this new gynecologist and made a complete ass out of myself, which I'm prone to do more often than not.
And so we ended up talking, and he was going to a regatta, this like regatta in Catalina that weekend.
So I was like, oh, cool.
I'm like, yeah, I love boating.
Meanwhile, I haven't been on a boat, I don't think, ever, except for like a carnival cruise, unfortunately.
Yeah.
So he's like, yeah, my partner and I are going to Catalina for the weekend.
You want to bring one of your girlfriends?
I'm like, oh, my God, this is like the easiest thing I've ever accomplished.
I'm like, my girlfriend is going to be worshiping me when I tell her.
I'm like, yeah, not only did I go in and we're going out on a date, we're going away for the weekend, sister.
Meanwhile, I come to find out on the sailboat that we went on with him.
that I told him I knew how to sail, that when he said his partner, he meant his lover.
And I walked in on him with getting it from behind from his partner.
How was that for you?
Yeah, it was pretty disenchanting.
Also added the fact that I was loaded on ecstasy at the time.
So it was a real downer.
You think you're going to hook up and you walk in and these two men having sex.
And then you jumped off the boat?
Basically swam to shore, and I was stuck on Catalina Island at a swing dancing convention for the weekend.
On ecstasy.
Yeah, on ecstasy.
Luckily, I wasn't alone.
I was with my girlfriend, though.
So, yeah, things aren't working out too hot for me in that book.
I got a question.
One disaster after another.
You hooked up with a bushy?
A Bushy?
Yeah.
Somebody who worked in the Bush administration.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
I'm like, I forgot my own book.
Yeah, I did.
Wow.
How many one-night stands have you had?
I've had a lot.
A lot.
Tell us about this guy from the Bush administration.
Well, it's so funny because you meet these guys.
Like, you know, this guy was an attorney for the government.
He prosecuted terrorists.
I was, like, so turned on by that until I realized that meant he was a Republican.
I was like, what?
He's like, well, I'm registered as a Republican, but I didn't always vote that way.
I'm like, all right, well, let's get this party started.
So we were hanging out in Seattle.
That was enough?
Yeah.
As long as he told me that sometimes he'd vote a Democrat, I was like, okay, we can steal this deal.
So we ended up hanging out.
We met after dinner in Seattle.
Okay, this is a hanging out thing.
Hanging out, looking up.
I know.
It's very Gen X.
But does that cover sexual intercourse or not?
No, no.
The hanging out.
See, I thought hanging out meant.
Oh, pre-hooking up.
Yeah.
Hang out.
You hang out, then you hook up, and then maybe you seal the deal.
And then, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
There's a lot of lingo flying around here.
So you're hanging out.
You're hanging out with the bushy.
So we were hanging out, and you know that look people get.
First of all, we all went out to dinner, a big group of us.
We were filming Girls Behaving Badly in Seattle, so we were all out, you know, a bunch of us.
And then we get back to the hotel.
My girlfriend, Shaniqua in the book, is my very good wing woman.
She's always trying to hook me up, and she does a very good
job at it so she she put in the effort with him and pretty much talked to him the whole night thankfully so i didn't have to and then we get back to the hotel room and you know that look people give you when they're on cocaine like that mouth jaw thing like i came out of the bathroom all ready to get things going
And I saw that look on his face.
His eyes are all buggy and he's working his jaw.
That jaw move, which is such a gross thing.
I don't know why anybody ever does cocaine if they look like that after.
It's like, are you having a good time?
And what happened?
So I was like, are you on coke right now?
Because I've seen that look plenty of times.
And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I just did a little.
And I'm like, well...
is this going to affect your performance?
And he's like, no, no, no, I should be fine.
Sure enough, it affected his performance in a major way.
I mean, I put in a lot of time into this guy, like two hours.
Wow.
I didn't have time to be, like, you know, messing around.
To put another two hours into it.
I had to catch a flight in the morning.
It's like, I mean, and then the next morning, my girlfriend's like, how'd that work out for you?
All excited.
Like, she had closed, you know, she had worked so hard for me.
I'm like, how'd that work out for me?
Let me tell you something.
Not so hot.
Yeah, he was crying.
It was four in the morning.
I literally rolled over.
I'm like, just go.
I'm like, just go home.
Wow.
He's like, can I call you in L.A.?
I'd love to make it up to you.
I'm like, no, you're a mess.
You work for the government.
You're just snorting lines on a Tuesday night?
I don't think so.
Wow.
At least wait until the weekend.
So now you heard the immortal, that never happens to me live?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that never happens to me.
I love that line.
It's like, well, this has never happened to you either then.
Bye.
Let me show you a couple other things that are going to start happening a lot.
You know what's ironic about this is that the Bush people accused all the Clinton people of being the co-kids.
Oh, my gosh.
Isn't it so funny?
I'm like, I don't understand how people can function.
How can you be an attorney for the government and be just like,
And these, like, actors and all these people that are, you know, have to perform all the time.
How can you be Coke to the gills and then do your job?
Well, you know, it's weird.
I always used to think that, too, when I, like, watch some older comics that I know that were on Coke at the time.
And if you watch some of them now, like their HBO specials, you can tell.
Really?
Yeah, sometimes I think you can, yeah.
Well, I mean, you would think it would be hard to perform.
without it then, right?
There used to be a guy who used to wander around the comedy store and he'd come up to me and go, was I on yet?
I drink before I go on all the time.
Some people don't drink at all.
I always drink.
I make it a priority.
Do you want to go to a meeting?
No, A-A for quitters.
Sure, you keep saying that.
Tell us about the show because I'd never seen the show.
Oh, Girls Paving Bad.
It's a hidden camera show.
We just did four seasons.
It's on the Oxygen Network.
It's got syndicated, so it's like in a bunch of 85 million households now, and they're doing another season.
It's a prank show?
Oh, that's good.
I like that.
And you're going to be at Caroline's this weekend?
Caroline's tomorrow night.
Tonight.
Tomorrow night.
June 9th, 10 o'clock show.
I'm doing one show tomorrow night at Caroline's.
Okay, and the book is My Horizontal Life, a collection of one-night sin.
Chelsea Handler, thanks for being with us.
Nice talking to you.
Thank you, guys.
Yeah.