BONUS WTF Rarities - Aspen from 2010
Guest:Hey there, Full Marin listeners.
Guest:This is Brendan, the producer at WTF, and this is another one of our WTF rarities.
Guest:These were episodes that we never included in the WTF podcast feed.
Guest:They were part of a premium site where you could buy episodes a la carte, and then eventually they made it into some of our premium services, like when we were on Stitcher Premium or Howl.
Guest:And now we're finally getting these up onto a cast as part of your full Marin subscription.
Guest:Uh, this is the second one.
Guest:And this was taped June 12th, 2010, almost exactly 14 years ago.
Guest:Pretty crazy.
Guest:Uh, this was a live broadcast from the rooftop comedy festival in Aspen, Colorado.
Guest:And the guests were Ryan Singer, Chris Fairbanks, Hannibal Burris, Shane Moss, and Michael Ian black.
Guest:Of course, all of them.
Guest:all of those guests went on to have their own WTF episodes.
Guest:So you can go listen to those after you hear this, uh, particularly the one with Michael Ian black episode two 38, which is available to you full Marin listeners.
Guest:And it is one of the great, uh, grievance based episodes where Mark and a guest really hash out the problems that they've had with each other.
Guest:You hear that a little bit in this live episode, although it's played for laughs because there's an audience, uh,
Guest:Not much of an audience, though.
Guest:This was a very small crowd in the afternoon of the Aspen Comedy Festival there.
Guest:And you can just hear at the beginning, Mark, just kind of hanging out with this very small crowd waiting for people to filter in.
Guest:It's a pretty intimate environment and one that reflects where we were with the show back then.
Guest:Also, obviously reflecting where we were back then is some of the language in this episode.
Guest:I would say not all of it is entirely sensitive, but I don't believe in censoring these episodes.
Guest:I want them to be presented as they were.
Guest:And now you know the context.
Guest:This isn't exactly all stuff that we 100% endorse today, but I do think you should hear it the way it was recorded.
Guest:So again, this was from back in 2010 from the Rooftop Comedy Festival in Aspen, Colorado.
Guest:Here is the live WTF called WTF Aspen.
Marc:The show will start when I accept the number of people that have shown up.
Marc:How long do we have the space for?
Marc:Just till 4.30?
Marc:I know that's how long this show is supposed to go on for, but I have a problem with time.
Marc:Like, are they going to shut down the sound if we go longer than that?
Marc:kicked out like that's going to happen.
Marc:Now that's something I think I'd like to make happen with the mics on.
Marc:Just sort of like, oh my God, it's happening.
Marc:That would be a compelling podcast.
Marc:Then I'd like the Aspen Police Department to come down.
Marc:And I'd like to be taken away in handcuffs with someone holding a mic.
Marc:Me saying, this is bullshit, man.
Marc:We're just trying to do a fucking show.
Marc:This isn't part of the show.
Marc:I want to make that clear to everybody.
Marc:This is a pre-show thing I do, and usually everything you're hearing, I just say to myself.
Marc:But I figure, why not get comfortable in the space, given that I can't breathe?
Marc:I think it works on two levels.
Marc:It creates a nice thing with us, but it also diminishes expectations that the show will be an actual show.
Marc:I don't believe in the fourth wall.
Marc:I frankly don't believe in entertainment.
Marc:I've started to lose all respect for entertainment as a thing.
Marc:Enough already.
Marc:We've been entertained enough.
Marc:How's that?
Marc:Is that good open?
Marc:I think I'm going to open my stand-up show like that too.
Marc:If you're expecting to be entertained this evening, you've come to the wrong place.
Marc:Now this will be fun, you know.
Marc:What's the worst that could happen?
Marc:Someone passes out.
Marc:Or I cry.
Marc:Now there's no music.
Marc:So now it's like a show.
Marc:Are we ready to start?
Marc:Is that what you want to do?
Marc:Is that where we're at now?
Marc:Let's fucking do it.
Marc:Let's do the music.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Pow!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Guest:What's wrong with me?
Guest:It's time for WTF.
Marc:What the fuck?
Guest:With Mark Maron.
Marc:Alright, let's do this.
Marc:Rooftop Comedy Festival, Aspen, Colorado.
Marc:How's it going, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fuckineers?
Marc:What the fuck, Nick?
Marc:Thank you for coming.
Marc:It's a pleasure to be here in Aspen, though I can't breathe.
Marc:I think my eyes are fucked up.
Marc:My appetite is fucked up.
Marc:Does altitude give you gas and bad stomach shit, too?
Marc:It does?
Marc:What a great place to have a vacation.
Marc:It's like going to fucking India.
Marc:What the hell?
Marc:I've been here before, and I know how difficult it can be, but I didn't realize that I'd be retarded.
Marc:easy I'm not talking about retarded people I am I'm very happy you all came out we're very excited we got a great show today we got Ryan Singer Chris Fairbanks Hannibal Buress Shane Moss Michael Ian Black who has issues with Michael but I have issues with Michael as well and hopefully we can talk about that but I would like to talk about and how many people are visiting Aspen by applause how many people are locals
Marc:How many of those locals resent the visitors?
Marc:I think you need to be honest.
Marc:I think we need to get this out of the Aspen system.
Marc:There's clearly a class issue here.
Marc:Really, we're not going to talk about it.
Marc:You do realize that if the shit goes down on an Armageddon level and you guys have to stockpile stuff, it's going to be Prada purses and Ralph Lauren shirts.
Marc:That's what you're going to be left with.
Marc:You're going to be bartering Dali prints and signed baseballs.
Marc:That's not going to make it last.
Marc:This is an amazing place.
Marc:From the best I can tell, I did a little research on Aspen.
Marc:Apparently it was a mining town.
Marc:Are there any descendants of the original miners here?
Marc:Huh.
Marc:Interesting.
Interesting.
Marc:Then it went through a sort of dark period where the silver dried up or whatever silver does.
Marc:I have a hard time believing it dries up.
Marc:I think it just gets extracted and taken.
Marc:And then I guess what happened was some fairly kind of like out of control, rich, hippie-ish 1970s film personalities decided we need a remote place to do coke and fuck women.
Marc:So let's buy property in Aspen, then we don't run the risk of getting caught or judged in public.
Marc:And Hunter's always up.
Marc:RIP Hunter S. Thompson, one of the greatest writers this country has ever seen.
Marc:And I think that was what happened, and now it seems very different here.
Marc:It's sort of like this seems to be where trophy wives go when they get old and put out to pasture.
Marc:Am I wrong?
Marc:It's just something I noticed.
Marc:It's sort of like, honey, it's not working out, but you can have the house in Aspen.
Marc:I got a new one, but you can go out there.
Marc:We'll let you know when we're coming.
Marc:But I did have that.
Marc:First of all, I'd like to thank Jason who brought me a nice stack of comic books.
Marc:I appreciate that.
Marc:And Mike and Sue drove down from Broomfield, works at Celestial Seasons, and he brought me boxes and boxes of tea.
Marc:This is much healthier than the baked goods I usually get from fans.
Marc:And I get what you're trying to say, Mike.
Marc:No more caffeine for you.
Marc:This is all sleepy time decaffeinated herbal tea.
Marc:For you.
Marc:For me.
Marc:Huh?
Marc:I like it.
Marc:You like caffeine?
Marc:I do, too.
Marc:So why all the herbal shit?
Marc:What do I do with this?
Marc:Oh, thank you very much.
Marc:I will be healthy while I'm traveling.
Marc:But I had a 28-ounce cowboy steak last night at some place called Jimmy's with Hannibal Buress and two kinds of mackerel.
Marc:I have mac and cheese and cheese grits.
Marc:And...
Marc:And you know what?
Marc:I had this moment where, like, I get sort of, you know when you're not getting, like, I became like the people at the place in a way.
Marc:Like, I was like, where the fuck is this waiter?
Marc:And, you know, why is it taking so long?
Marc:This food is expensive.
Marc:They should be on top of it.
Marc:And then I had that moment where I looked at the other people eating there, and I'm like, fuck them.
Marc:I'm with the waiter.
Marc:And I don't resent you if you have money, but I do.
Marc:I'm glad your quality of life affords you the ability to travel here and just have fun and maybe have an impulse buy of a Picasso.
Marc:I think we need that for the couch.
Marc:But I have to assume that there's a lot of spitting on food going on in Aspen kitchens.
Marc:I have to assume that it's coming out in little ways somewhere.
Marc:Now, I don't want to take too long because I think we get the police are coming at 4.30, so I will read some emails.
Marc:I just wanted to make sure I, yeah, I think that we talked about Aspen enough.
Marc:I am happy to be here, though I really, I can't breathe, and it's very difficult.
Marc:They used to have the HBO Festival here, which is a very important festival.
Marc:This one is a fun festival.
Marc:There's a difference.
Marc:Fun is better.
Marc:Important sucks for comics.
Marc:So he used to drag us out here in the middle of winter to showcase for industry people, we can't breathe, we can't see properly, our brains are skidding from lack of oxygen, and it's the biggest night of our life.
Marc:I fucked, at the Wheeler Opera House, I bombed so badly that I literally left my body.
Marc:That's happened three times.
Marc:It was on a show that they called Kicking Aspen.
Marc:The wave was just starting to turn towards more alternative comedy, whatever the fuck that means.
Marc:But I decided, not unlike my HBO special in 1995, that there's no reason to prepare.
Marc:It's more exciting to be in the moment.
Marc:So I get on that stage on a TV taping at the Wheeler Opera House, and I start my set.
Marc:And this has happened before a couple of times.
Marc:Not only was I not doing well, but there seemed to be a vacuum that expectations weren't being met and that people felt bad for me.
Marc:Now, that is not something you say you want when you go out to see entertainment.
Marc:Like, I want to go somewhere where my expectations aren't being met and I feel bad for the entertainer.
Marc:Draining is not something you see on theatrical posters as blurbs.
Marc:And I've said that before.
Marc:And I went through my set and I literally sat down, which is a trick that I learned early on, that if you're failing, get comfortable.
Marc:Don't panic.
Marc:Lean into it.
Marc:Don't let them know that inside you're going, please make me 10 again when things were okay and expectations were different.
Marc:So I sat there failing with my 10-year-old crying inside, and it was horrendous.
Marc:And I carried it with me because I walked into the green room, and you know when you walk into a room full of comics, and I must have had that look of like, I don't know what just happened.
Marc:And they said nothing.
Marc:Like I walked into the green room and there was just this.
Marc:And I'm like, no, no, lie to me.
Marc:Now I need you to lie to me.
Marc:Pretend like you're my friend and say something comforting like, hey, you know, it was them.
Marc:And then my friend saw it.
Marc:They showed it on television.
Marc:And my friend called me up and said, hey, I saw that show you did.
Marc:What was it called?
Marc:Dragging Aspen.
Marc:Yeah, that was it.
Marc:And I carried it with me for months and months.
Marc:And some guy came up to me on the subway and said, dude, you're the funniest guy I've ever seen.
Marc:And of course, you know, there's an old joke about comics, right?
Marc:That, you know, about the guy who's on the road, does his Friday night show, the two shows on Friday.
Marc:The next day he's at the mall and some chicks come up to him.
Marc:And I will say chicks in this story.
Marc:And they say, God, you're really funny.
Marc:We kind of want to do a threesome with you.
Marc:And he goes, which show did you see?
Marc:Um...
Marc:So this guy comes up to me on the subway.
Marc:He goes, you're really funny.
Marc:I'm like, well, what show?
Marc:He goes, that kicking aspen was hilarious.
Marc:And I couldn't even take it because I thought there was something wrong with him.
Marc:So let's read a couple emails.
Marc:You doing all right over there, buddy?
Marc:You're one of the Kyles, right?
Marc:Kyle on the sound.
Marc:Is it Ray in the box back there?
Marc:Jay.
Marc:Jay, genius.
Marc:Genius.
Marc:Look at that guy.
Marc:He's at ground control at NASA back there.
Marc:I've done so many clubs in my life, and I've never seen a setup like he's got back there.
Marc:Hey, if we go past the time, can you fly this whole place somewhere?
Marc:That would be like an awesome sound guy.
Marc:No problem.
Marc:And we're all like, holy shit.
Marc:He's really doing it.
Marc:Constructive criticism.
Marc:Always something I'll open.
Marc:Mark, my name is Kate.
Marc:I'm in eighth grade, which...
Marc:You don't know how many of these I get, folks, from kids.
Marc:And I'm like, am I the right one?
Marc:Like, I'm actually, part of me is like going, don't they have parental control?
Marc:Someone should manage this.
Marc:I've been listening to your podcast from the beginning.
Marc:WTF is the best podcast out there, but first I would like to bring up a problem.
Marc:As everyone knows, the name of the show is WTF.
Marc:I was listening to the first one again and saw how much it has changed.
Marc:You have not given many, if any, WTF moments.
Marc:I really miss those.
Marc:Maybe even ask your guests for their WTF moments.
Marc:Love the podcast.
Marc:Totally awesome, Kate.
Marc:So I've got to do a couple of WTFs for Kate.
Marc:This one I just got, and I think this is good, because it is an all-male panel, and I apologize to the female comics.
Marc:I apologize.
Marc:There's no excuse for it, but it's not changing.
Marc:WTF moment.
Marc:Hi, Mark.
Marc:Big fan of the podcast.
Marc:Here is a recent WTF moment.
Marc:I'm a 20-year-old male, and the other day I measured my penis for the first time since I was 14.
Okay.
Marc:It was time.
Marc:I've been putting this off long enough, he thought.
Marc:I don't know why I did it, maybe out of boredom or minor depression.
Marc:That's when that usually happens.
Marc:I don't even know what I was expecting, but something surprising happened.
Marc:As I took the measurement, I discovered to my surprise that I'm a full half inch bigger than I was six years ago.
Marc:Suddenly, I found myself overcome with a very palpable emotion.
Marc:Call it disgusting, sad, narcissistic, juvenile, but I could not help feeling proud.
Marc:I don't know if I've ever felt that emotion before.
Marc:I always thought it had a big connotation behind it, but I detected nothing negative about it.
Marc:Quote, he puts in quotes, hey, my dick's bigger than I thought, I said to myself.
Marc:Then quote again, well, what do you know?
Marc:What is truly strange about this event is that I have actually experienced a few instances of good luck in recent months, which included getting into the right school, getting the right scholarship, meeting a nice girl, and yet none of these occurrences gave me half the confidence that this half an inch gave me.
Marc:I began to think to myself, quote, is the stability of my emotional state really dependent on something that is so insignificant and out of my control?
Marc:And if so, does that mean that I've reached the peak of self-confidence?
Marc:Furthermore, if this is the peak, then what comes next?
Marc:A lifetime of compulsively measuring and hoping that the randomness of the universe might bestow upon me another moment of luck?
Marc:I proceed to follow this destructive line of thought for the remainder of the day.
Marc:I figured I might regret measuring my penis, but this was just ridiculous.
Marc:I'm sure there is a message here somewhere, but I can't figure it out.
Marc:All I can think is, what the fuck?
Marc:Best wishes, Nick.
Marc:Yeah, there is a deeper meaning, Nick.
Marc:You've got to quit obsessing about your dick, Nick.
Marc:I mean, we've all measured our penises, but to give it mystical power?
Marc:Like, is it ever going to get better than this?
Marc:It's half an inch bigger.
Marc:No, it's not going to get better than that.
Marc:That's the best it can be.
Marc:Here's one.
Marc:You angry fuck, good on you.
Marc:Dear Mark, for years people have been telling me that being so angry all the time or being quick to anger is unhealthy and unattractive.
Marc:Well, never mind the fact that I happen to think it's dead sexy, but finally some clinical proof that it's healthy too.
Marc:And he links to this.
Marc:This is for comedians.
Marc:I'm doing this for you.
Marc:Feeling grumpy is good for you.
Marc:Thank fucking Christ.
Marc:And I believe in Christ, so don't get mad at me for saying fucking.
Marc:Here we go.
Marc:In contrast to those annoying happy types, miserable people are better at decision-making and less gullible.
Marc:These experiments show, and here's a quote, negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking, paying greater attention to the external world.
Marc:We are better than you.
Marc:All right, now let's start the show.
Marc:It's my pleasure.
Marc:This guy, I met in Bloomington, and I like him a great deal, and I don't always know why, which means that he's got to be just as crazy as me somehow, and he's a very funny comedian.
Marc:Please welcome Ryan Singer to the stage.
Guest:Do I sit in the chair right next to you?
Marc:You can sit in it, or you can stit in it, like you said.
Marc:Did I say stit?
Marc:My brain's doing that, too, though.
Marc:It's the altitude, man.
Marc:No, you can sit there.
Marc:Yeah, no, it's fine.
Marc:Did you bring your name, Ted?
Marc:Yeah, right there.
Marc:That's good.
Marc:So now you know.
Marc:Ryan Singer, right here on the placard.
Marc:Singer.
Marc:What did I say?
Marc:Stinger?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:What did I say?
Marc:It's my brain skidding, too.
Guest:You said it properly.
Guest:I did?
Guest:So why'd you correct me?
Guest:I always repeat.
Guest:I repeat things.
Guest:You do?
Guest:I do.
I do.
Guest:How are you feeling, man?
Guest:I'm feeling really good.
Guest:I'm feeling kind of high.
Guest:The first night I was here, I slept just fine.
Guest:And then last night, the insomnia.
Guest:I was so tired, and I'm just laying in bed, and the hours are going by, and I don't have anything to do, so I'm just looking at the clock every once in a while.
Guest:And then it's like 7.15, I go into the bathroom, my eyes are cherries, and I'm just looking at myself in the mirror like, why can't you sleep, man?
Guest:You want to sleep, man.
Guest:And then I'd go lay back down, and I wouldn't sleep.
Guest:Oh, that's a great story.
Guest:And then there's this little painting.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:Man, I was worried that wasn't going somewhere.
Guest:It gets relatively worse.
Guest:There's this really old painting on the wall, and I was like hallucinating.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:And I started seeing all this symbology, right?
Guest:And so I thought it was like, I thought Aspen was like, I thought I was in the Da Vinci Code.
Guest:And I was like, oh, I need to go out on the streets and find these codes.
Guest:And that's where it ends.
Guest:Did you find any codes?
Guest:No, I didn't.
Marc:You gave up right then?
Marc:No, I ate some granola.
Marc:Okay, all right.
Marc:That kind of trickled off, too.
Marc:But last night, Ryan was... I don't know if you realize what was happening at that party, but you asked no fewer than 30 people if they had Rolaids.
Marc:And just saying from a general perspective that you might as well walking up to people and saying, like, I'm really fucking gassy and I think I might shit my pants.
Marc:Do you have anything that can help me?
Guest:Well, at a certain point, you know, being cool goes out the window, right?
Guest:And you just need to feel better.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And so I asked ladies.
Guest:Right, ladies.
Guest:And some dudes who I thought were kind of ladylike.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:For Rolex?
Guest:Well, you know, I carry Rolex because I got a man purse.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So I always got stuff in my purse just like ladies do.
Marc:That's like... He was about to go through some woman's purse last night.
Marc:You can't just go through a purse just because we're sitting in a... But I was like, I got this.
Marc:I'm the talent.
Guest:She shows up.
Marc:I'll just be like, it's all right.
Marc:I got this.
Marc:No, it's okay.
Marc:I'm good to go through your purse.
Guest:Man, my stomach, it was horrible.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm sorry you've had such a bad 24 hours.
Marc:Well, it's been okay.
Marc:But when you weren't sleeping, usually when I don't sleep, there's the panic of like, fuck, fuck, fuck, I can't sleep.
Marc:And then did you do that thing where it's like, I think I'm sleeping.
Marc:I used to do this when I was on Coke all the time, where you literally have this dialogue, you're like, yeah, I must be sleeping.
Marc:Yeah, I'm seeing things, kind of.
Marc:Like sleeping with your eyes open?
Guest:No, no, no.
Marc:My eyes are closed, but I'm going, this must be sleep.
Marc:I feel like I'm sleeping.
Marc:I'm doing it.
Marc:I'm doing the sleep thing.
Marc:And then you open your eyes, and you're like, fuck, I was just lying to myself.
Guest:Well, I think you're a lot more fucked up than I am.
Marc:No, I understand, but Ryan, I know you're fucked up, dude.
Guest:I know.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:When I was a kid, I wanted to be a priest.
Guest:And you were going to blame me for being fucked up?
Marc:What was appealing about that?
Guest:Well, it's because they were on stage.
Guest:Like my mom said, she heard me in my little brother's room, or my older brother.
Guest:I don't even know who my brother is.
Guest:I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, and he said, I want to be an Air Force pilot or something.
Guest:Something cliche like that.
Guest:And I said, he's like, what do you want to be?
Guest:And I said, I want to be a priest, man.
Guest:And he goes, why would you want to do that?
Guest:And I go, I just see myself up on stage.
Guest:And I say, mass has ended.
Guest:Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
Guest:And everybody listens to me.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Good night.
Marc:Good night.
Guest:Two shows on Sunday.
Marc:But what about the costumes, the Latin, the smoking orbs, the drinking of blood?
Marc:What made you as a child say anything other than this is a fucked up cult?
Guest:Well, I have a grandma.
Guest:I call her Grandma Jesus.
Guest:She lives on a farm out in New Carlisle, Ohio.
Guest:Nobody knows where that is.
Guest:But it's kind of like this.
Guest:And there's not a lot around.
Guest:And she was crazy Catholic, whereas she'd read the Book of Revelations to me when I was a kid.
Guest:I'd be out there for a whole summer because my parents would be like, fuck the kids, drop them off for the summer, right?
Guest:And I'd do farm work and stuff.
Guest:So every summer she would fill my head with, like, the Virgin Mary is going to appear over New York City on Christmas Eve, and there's going to be a great warning in seven big...
Guest:catastrophes are gonna happen and then that's when you're gonna know Jesus is coming back so I'd go back to school in the fall and I'd be like listen up everybody I got the new info Mary's appearing over New York City write it in stone the peacemaker I called myself the peacemaker in what grade this was like first grade through like until I learned my dick worked and then and how long it was yeah I'm gonna go home and measure I haven't measured in a long time the last time I measured was with a sandwich bag
Guest:I looked at the dimensions on the little sandwich bag.
Guest:I'm like, ah, shit, I hope it's longer than a sandwich bag.
Guest:But then you can just flip it to the side.
Marc:You can spin it.
Guest:You can spin it.
Marc:That's good, man.
Marc:Every guy has measured the dick.
Marc:And I don't mean that to be a theme of the show, but it's just a reality.
Marc:At some point, you think it's important to measure it.
Guest:Well, other comics have their own things, but I cannot take a shit before a show in the showroom within like 45 minutes of showtime because everybody knows that that's the dude who was shitting.
Guest:Like, I can't do it.
Guest:So he gets in my head in the green room of this club.
Guest:He's like, man, you're going to give yourself complex.
Guest:Now you're never going to be able to shit before a show.
Guest:You're going to shit on stage.
Guest:And I'm like, I got to shit.
Guest:You're right.
Guest:So I go into the bathroom right like 10 minutes before showtime.
Guest:And I'm worried it's going to be a long one.
Guest:It's just something where it's like a mini-series and you have to keep... So I'm like, oh shit, I don't want to... So I go in there.
Guest:He convinced me.
Guest:I'm like, fine.
Guest:I'm easily swayed.
Guest:So I go in there.
Guest:I get down.
Guest:There's somebody at the urinal.
Guest:It's a really small bathroom.
Guest:I'm like, okay, just focus.
Guest:Block everything out.
Guest:It's for love of the game and you're costing her on the mount.
Guest:Next thing you know, the door opens and I hear, hey singer, are you shitting in there?
Guest:Hey, the feature act is going to be on in about 20 minutes.
Guest:Are you shitting your brains out?
Guest:Hey, Ryan Singer.
Guest:And I just, and all the shit that was like halfway out of my spot.
Guest:And I don't know why I just tried to clean that up.
Guest:My spot.
Guest:My man spot.
Guest:And it just, you know, like when people can do that loogie thing where the snot and they can spit in it.
Guest:That was too graphic.
Marc:In order to explain something that was hard to sell, you made it grosser.
Guest:But people can only hear.
Guest:They couldn't see me doing that.
Marc:But now we've got to picture your asshole sucking shit back into it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That was what you're trying to accomplish there with the loogie analogy.
Marc:I set the bar really high.
Marc:Ryan Singer, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:So I scoot down.
Marc:Yeah, move down and take the next mic.
Marc:It's probably easier.
Marc:Who's coming up next?
Marc:Oh, this is hilarious.
Marc:This guy is very funny.
Marc:He's quirky.
Marc:He's peculiar.
Marc:He made me uncomfortable initially, but now I like him a lot.
Marc:Chris Fairbanks, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Hey, man.
Marc:What's up, buddy?
Marc:How are you feeling?
Guest:I'm terrific.
Guest:No, I'm not.
Marc:What happened to the lights?
Marc:What happened to the sound?
Guest:Is everything all right?
Guest:No, I talked to them beforehand.
Guest:To fuck with me?
Marc:Did something just happen?
Marc:Is it the altitude?
Marc:Something just happened, right?
Marc:Are we going to have a power outage?
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:But you don't realize how weird it is to perform up here.
Marc:And then the festival, God bless them, God love rooftop comedy, has created a gig that occurs at a Mexican restaurant and bar where just one after the other, comics do three minutes and fail.
Marc:And it's almost as if they said, you know, some of these people might be feeling pretty good about their shows.
Marc:So let's create an outlet where they're humbled and hungry and a little doubtful of their skills.
Marc:And to the testament of all the comics that went on last night, not one of them in their three minutes said, this is fucking ridiculous.
Guest:I'm such a coward.
Guest:I just lied.
Guest:I lied about diarrhea.
Guest:I've had diarrhea during the day yesterday.
Guest:When did this come up?
Guest:Did I miss the diarrhea?
Guest:No, right before the show at that restaurant.
Guest:I was like, I really don't feel good.
Guest:And I just went back to the room, sat there and felt guilty for not doing the show.
Guest:You bailed?
Guest:I bailed.
Guest:I wasn't feeling great, but I wasn't specifically feeling horrible just then.
Guest:I just was scared of doing the show.
Guest:So I was like, my tummy.
Guest:And I left.
Guest:I left, and then I sat there, and I'm like, I'm a dick.
Guest:Well, I'll go to the after party.
Guest:That's the same.
Marc:I didn't even have to do it, and I sat there going, I should do this.
Marc:There's part of me that's like, I knew that even if it goes perfectly, you're still going to walk off going, why did I fucking do that?
Guest:That's why I felt guilty.
Guest:There's a chance it wouldn't have felt horrible.
Guest:A small chance.
Marc:It might have just felt bad.
Marc:Yeah, I could go with bad.
Marc:Not fucking horrible.
Marc:You come from Texas, right?
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:Notice how I asked a question but told you the answer?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:That's an interview chick.
Marc:You have this kind of hair, don't you?
Marc:Yeah, I do currently.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:The kind you just pointed at.
Marc:It's good radio.
Marc:Right here, you can see Chris's hair.
Marc:I like visual radio.
Marc:But this is a compromising situation.
Marc:But when you travel, there have been some ridiculous fucking situations that I have performed in in my life.
Marc:And this is just an atmospheric thing.
Marc:When was the last one that was one of those situations where you're like, holy shit, am I ever going to get out of here?
Guest:In Texas?
Guest:Because I just have Texas examples.
Marc:It has to be in Texas.
Guest:Yeah, well, I always figure there's obstacles working against me.
Guest:But last time I was trying to do my CD, which is on Rooftop Records.
Guest:Rooftop Records.
Guest:I've tried to record it in Austin, and of course it's during a popular preacher being in town, and the Cornhuskers are playing the Longhorns, so no one's coming out because of that.
Guest:And it's Motorcycle Week, which brings in 200,000 people that hate sleeves and have hats...
Guest:A bunch of hats that reference farting in some way, and I thought I'd lay down that track, permanentize it, permanentize that track.
Guest:I did my whole set like that.
Guest:I'm going to permanentize these tracks.
Guest:That's not even how I talk.
Guest:That's how much they made me nervous.
LAUGHTER
Guest:Just motorcycle people.
Guest:Sleeveless bikers?
Guest:Sleeveless.
Guest:We hate sleeves.
Guest:Just a vested.
Marc:But like which kind of bikers?
Marc:Like suburban weekend warriors or like girls who are like, look at my tits.
Guest:Them and the suburban.
Guest:And they have a trailer and they park it down the street and then run up.
Guest:Yeah, we just came down the road.
Guest:Shut up.
Guest:I saw you unloading it.
Guest:But then also people with face tattoos that will stick a sharpened toothbrush in you.
Guest:And none of them fans of mine make them ups and word play.
Guest:So it was horrible.
Guest:Did it go all right?
Guest:Yeah, it didn't feel bad.
Marc:It felt better than bad.
Marc:I remember I was in Texas once and I did my show and at that time I think I did about 20 minutes on being a Jew.
Marc:And it went pretty well.
Marc:And some guy came up to me after the show and he goes, man, you're funny, but you're not really a Jew, are you?
Marc:Like that would have been the part I made up.
Marc:Just for the Texas audience.
Marc:No, usually when I'm playing these areas, I just do the Jewish stuff that I invented.
Marc:Because I know how much you like it down here by that question.
Guest:I love how many people insist that I'm Jewish.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How does that play off?
Guest:Like, you're a Jew, aren't you?
Guest:No.
Guest:Yes, you are.
Guest:No, you're a Jew.
Guest:I don't even know.
Guest:Come on, own it.
Guest:Is it a race or a religion?
Guest:I don't even know about it.
Guest:That's how it goes.
Guest:That's the conversation.
Guest:Someone yelling at me.
Guest:I've just had my nose broken a couple times because the interaction's like this.
Guest:And you think I'm a race slash religion.
Marc:You're trying to make me a Jew by hitting my face constantly.
Guest:I have curly hair.
Marc:So you live in L.A., right?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:By the beach, right?
Guest:Yeah, near the beach.
Guest:Do you go there?
Guest:Yeah, I go to the beach.
Guest:Are you a beach guy?
Guest:No, I'm not one of the beach people.
Guest:I go there.
Guest:I frequent.
Guest:I don't like roller skate and fly kites while drawing caricatures and multitask performing.
Guest:I like the air, though.
Guest:Do you see those people down at the beach?
Guest:Oh, I give them nods.
Guest:Like, I know some of them.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Because you live down there?
Guest:Yeah, I go down there enough to know a couple of the jugglers.
Guest:Is that guy who wears the giant turban on the roller skates with the guitar?
Guest:I saw him...
Guest:crawl into it not crawl he walked like a human but he got into a pretty recent model mercedes oh really like he's been an extra in enough movies since la story that he's like he does all right for himself he doesn't have a negative account balance like my ass is the chainsaw guy still down there
Guest:Yesterday, someone told a story about... Yeah, he was like putting an apple in someone's mouth and a gust of wind hit and he touched the guy's lips with a chainsaw.
Guest:And?
Guest:And the story about it is horrible.
Guest:It'll quiet the room.
Guest:You just realized that?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:At that point in the story?
Guest:It was just yesterday that I heard it.
Guest:But I remember that's how I react too, so...
Marc:And how did that pan out, I wonder?
Marc:It's like, hey, if you're going to play along, I juggle fucking chainsaw.
Marc:You stepped up.
Guest:Did the guy get fucked up?
Guest:Well, apparently he stepped forward.
Guest:Yeah, the... No, not that bad.
Guest:It just barely touched in like one chain.
Guest:But it was a legitimate cut.
Guest:It wasn't just like...
Guest:Man, this is hilarious.
Guest:Yeah, it's a good story.
Guest:I'm so glad we brought it up.
Guest:Yeah, me too.
Guest:I don't know if I can dig us out of it.
Guest:Can you?
Guest:I'm going to keep exploring it.
Guest:Okay, go ahead.
Guest:And then it'll create another hole that's more distracting.
Marc:Why don't you go do a scream of consciousness point of view of the guy with the apple in his mouth.
Marc:This is going to be fun.
Marc:I never do stuff like this.
Guest:It reminds me of that luau where I saw a pig with an apple in its mouth that made me remember how my dad used to be close to me.
Guest:Here come the saws.
Guest:Here come the saws.
Guest:Open mouth doors.
Marc:And scene.
Marc:Who says we can't improvise?
Guest:We can improv.
Guest:But if it were real improv, I think we would have been like, okay, I'm the guy.
Guest:And I'm doing a song about what you're doing.
Marc:Chris Fairbanks, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:This is going good.
Marc:Hey, is that dude Eric Mead here?
Marc:You're right there?
Marc:I am.
Marc:I just want to make sure I understand.
Marc:Eric Mead, you're an entertainer.
Marc:You emailed me and said you're in show business and that you like my show.
Marc:And I went to your website, and it was unclear to me what exactly you did.
Marc:No, wait.
Marc:It seemed like you sometimes do motivational speaking.
Marc:Perhaps if required, you'll do a little sleight of hand magic.
Marc:And then occasionally you will read minds if necessary.
Marc:That's what you do, right?
Marc:Correct.
Marc:Okay, I might need you later.
Marc:Right now, it's my pleasure to bring up a comic from Chicago.
Marc:He's a writer for the current Saturday Night Live and a very funny man, Hannibal Buress, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:How are you, Hannibal?
Marc:He's the one I ate with last night.
Marc:I'm doing all right.
Marc:How was that fucking food?
Marc:Am I right?
Marc:That food was excellent.
Marc:Cheese grits.
Guest:Cheese grits, steak.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:We got to listen to that lady.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:What was she saying?
Guest:She was talking about horses and shit.
Guest:That's when she was like, yeah, and then I take the horses down sometimes.
Guest:I was like, yeah, I don't relate to you.
Guest:You can talk about money, but when you talk about horses, I'm out.
Marc:Fortunately, she wasn't talking to us at all.
Guest:But I each drop.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But it's pretty good food, right?
Guest:Yeah, good food, man.
Marc:So we flew down together.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you about, because some people are in show business.
Marc:And you write for Saturday Night Live.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:And I tried to get on that show once.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:You know that.
Marc:And they made me jump through a lot of hoops.
Marc:And then I met with Lorne, and he brought up this zoo analogy.
Marc:He said comedians are like monkeys.
Guest:Really?
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:If people go to the zoo, they like the bear because it's intense and the lion is scary, but the monkeys make people laugh.
Marc:And I said, yeah, I guess if they're not throwing shit at you.
Marc:And hence, I didn't get the show.
Marc:Now, what I want to know is, like, leading up to that, is it something you always wanted to do?
Guest:I wanted to write.
Guest:I didn't think it would be for that show.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, so it just happened where they asked me to write, and I was like, all right.
Marc:Now, did you have to prepare?
Guest:No.
Marc:Like, did you want to be a sketch writer?
No.
Guest:I did want to write sketch or write for like a late night show, but it just happened that SNL asked me and I was like, all right, let's do this then.
Guest:And how did you figure out how to do it?
Guest:I just started doing it.
Guest:They gave me the computer and I would just type.
Marc:I guess that's all we're going to do with that.
Marc:I know about your living situation.
Marc:I know that we talked on the plane, and I don't want to bring up anything fucking weird.
Guest:Yeah, you don't want to mess up.
Guest:I might have some potential suitors on you that's listening.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:Well, why don't you set a stage for those potential suitors?
Marc:Let's do a little walking tour of Hannibal's apartment.
Marc:Because it sounded enchanting to me.
Guest:It's a beautiful apartment, but I live in Squalor.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Intentional squalor.
Guest:Intentional.
Guest:It's out of laziness.
Guest:I live in squalor.
Guest:I don't have sheets.
Guest:Why is that?
Marc:I love comedians.
Marc:Because I did that too.
Marc:It's just too overwhelming.
Guest:There's no reason for it.
Marc:Go to the store.
Marc:Go pick out stuff.
Marc:Oh, that's the worst.
Marc:Come back home with that stuff.
Marc:And then go, this isn't the right stuff.
Marc:And then put the stuff.
Marc:On the bed.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's fucked up.
Guest:For a while, I bought my mattress and my box free, and I bought a sofa bed, but I didn't take them out of the box.
Guest:But then there was a friend that visited from Chicago, and he needed a place to crash.
Guest:I was like, you can crash, put together that sofa bed.
LAUGHTER
Marc:I just get overwhelmed with just buying sheets.
Marc:There's so many kinds.
Marc:What's a thread count mean?
Marc:Does it really matter?
Marc:And you know what changes all of this?
Marc:You know how people like us figure out how to put our apartments together?
Marc:Women.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:They come over and they're like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Marc:How do you fucking live like this?
Marc:We have to get some sheets.
Marc:And I'm like, yeah, we do.
Marc:Why don't you just do it?
Marc:You seem to be excited about it.
Guest:I just booked myself on the road, so I don't have to deal with that shit.
Marc:When you come home?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They're like, Hannibal, you working hard.
Guest:I'm like, I just don't want to.
Guest:I like hotels.
Marc:So what are you going home to?
Marc:A mattress on the floor?
Guest:Mattress on the floor, a sofa bed, a bunch of clothes and shit, an empty refrigerator.
Guest:And pile clothes?
Guest:Like in different formats.
Guest:I get my laundry.
Guest:I had some of the laundry done in the laundry bag.
Marc:So that's folded, because they did it.
Marc:Some random clothes.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:And then some probably socks and underwear scattered throughout the apartment for when I wash myself.
Guest:And I just leave it.
Guest:And I don't have a shower curtain, but I got... My shower curtain has a... I mean, my window...
Guest:In the shower it like shows, so I put the shower curtain I did have in that window and then like I angled the shower head towards so I don't flood the floor.
Guest:Saturday Night Live, baby!
Marc:But this isn't uncommon.
Marc:It's not uncommon.
Guest:It's a mess, man.
Marc:If I could talk about somebody, I will.
Marc:But Louis C.K., he went through periods where you'd go to his apartment in New York, and there would be bags of garbage.
Marc:I mean, the dishes in the sink would be rotting.
Marc:It would smell bad.
Marc:There would be bags of garbage.
Marc:And he'd walk in, and he'd be sitting on his couch.
Marc:I'd go, what the fuck?
Marc:And he'd just sit there and he'd be like, I know.
Marc:I just can't do it.
Marc:And he'd do it as some sort of test to himself.
Marc:Then there was another apartment he had where he wrote his act on the wall.
Marc:You know, like when you make a set list, I walk into his house and there was literally in like magic marker on the wall, his set list and a hole in the wall.
Marc:And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
Marc:He'd be like, I don't know.
Marc:What was the hole?
Marc:He decided that it needed a hole.
Marc:Louis would do things, and I don't think I'm saying anything that he would be upset about, that he would do things to challenge himself to see if he could tolerate his behavior.
Guest:It just sounded like he didn't care about security deposits at all.
Marc:Yeah, that's true.
Marc:The first time I ever met him, he was living at a group house in, not like a halfway house, but like, well, sort of, a comics residence, which is similar, except no one's in charge.
Marc:And I was picking some other guy up to take him to a gig, and it was like Louis was like maybe 20, and he wasn't even there.
Marc:And the guy showed me around the house, and he goes, that's Louis CK's room.
Marc:And I looked in the room, and
Marc:And there was just like a light bulb on the floor and just a mound of clothing covering what I think was a bed and just food around.
Marc:And that was my first impression.
Marc:Like, that's Louie.
Marc:Damn.
Marc:Yeah, he's come a long way.
Guest:Yeah, he's doing all right.
Guest:It sounds like he used to be a murderer.
Marc:Haven't you met other comics like that, though, where you're like, thank God you have this or else people would be dead?
Marc:You've never met comics like that?
Marc:I knew a guy back in the day that refused to let them put his name in the paper to publicize a gig because he was wanted by the FBI and the IRS.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:He was hilarious.
Marc:He's like, no, I don't want no publicity, man, because they'll come get me.
Marc:It's happened before, and I'm not going back to the slammer.
Marc:How did his career end up?
Marc:He's dead.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It ended up okay.
Marc:You having a good time up here, man?
Guest:I am.
Marc:What's happened?
Guest:I drank some yesterday, and I watched the Cantina show, and I was like, I'm not doing that.
Guest:Did you have a struggle with yourself, though?
Guest:No, I was like, oh, I'm not doing this.
Guest:And they had my name on the list, and they were like, what?
Guest:That's the opposite of my thoughts.
Guest:So I had to make sure everybody knew.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because I don't want to have that awkward moment where people are like, Hannibal Buyers!
Guest:And I'm like, sitting, I'm like...
Marc:It's great.
Marc:I think it's wonderful when these kind of things happen in Aspen because now the people of Aspen can say that they have black people in their city.
Marc:Do you feel that?
Guest:I knew that going in.
Guest:that it was just a very white place but they had some comedy shows and some hotel rooms so I was like alright it gets me away from my place for a couple days and extend the I don't want to live in my place tour that I'm on right now that unfortunately ends tomorrow and I have to go back to Brooklyn and deal with my shit can you breathe okay
Guest:I got asthma, but I'm fighting through it, man.
Guest:I'm doing all right.
Marc:What's the worst performance situation you've had to deal with in your mind?
Guest:In my mind?
Marc:Well, no, in reality, but in your memory.
Guest:In reality, one time I was doing this.
Marc:Both, both.
Marc:Let's do both.
Guest:All right.
Guest:It's the same.
Guest:I did this show in my college town.
Guest:It was a talent show.
Guest:The prize was like 50 bucks.
Guest:So I was like, yes, I'm in.
Guest:It was off campus.
Guest:And I get to the room.
Guest:It's a room.
Guest:There's no mic.
Guest:It's like all types of talent.
Guest:Like they had these girls that lip sync to an Ashanti song playing from a boombox in the back.
Guest:And it was Apollo-style show, and my friend was a Sandman, his friend I had done a play with, and so my set started going bad, and I didn't really know how to deal with it, because I was still, I was pretty new.
Guest:And then, so he starts vamping towards the stage, and the crowd starts booing, and he's hamming it up, and they start booing more.
Guest:Then he picks me up,
Guest:And throws me on his shoulder and carries me away as the crowd cheers.
Guest:And for some reason, I thought that that show would be a good one to get a good booking tape for.
Guest:So I had somebody tape.
Guest:I forget who I had tape.
Guest:So they're taping, and I'm getting carried away.
Guest:I'm looking into my own camera like, stop the tape!
Guest:Stop the tape!
Guest:Stop the tape!
Guest:So I think that's the worst.
Guest:Did you send that tape out?
Guest:I have not.
Guest:I might YouTube it, maybe.
Guest:Because I'm fine.
Guest:I'm okay with it.
Guest:I'm at peace with it now.
Marc:Okay, Hannibal Buress.
Marc:Fuck that dude if he tries to get a showbiz.
Marc:Thanks, man.
Marc:Let's move it down.
Marc:Do we got room?
Marc:Okay, right now.
Marc:Where's Shane?
Marc:Is he from Texas, too?
Marc:Boston?
Marc:He lives in Boston, but he doesn't sound Boston.
Marc:What?
Marc:Wisconsin.
Marc:Seriously.
Marc:You can tell I know a lot about him.
Marc:I know he's very funny, but let's learn.
Marc:Let's learn some more.
Marc:He's a surprise addition to the show, and he's very funny.
Marc:And I talked to him about being on the show months ago, and now he's here.
Marc:Shane Moss, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Hey, buddy.
Marc:You guys all right out there?
Marc:You good?
Yeah.
Guest:My name tag, I'm the only one that has the title of comedian under there.
Guest:I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now.
Marc:Hannibal knocked down the sign.
Guest:We're going to put that right back up there.
Marc:Now it's back up.
Marc:How you doing, buddy?
Guest:I'm great.
Guest:How are you?
Marc:I'm glad you're here.
Guest:I'm very happy I'm here.
Guest:You exude warmth.
Guest:Aspen.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I exude warmth.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You're one of these comics that... I'm kind of cold right now.
Guest:You do?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Is there something I can do to help?
Guest:Hold me?
Guest:Oh, isn't that sweet?
Guest:We really are getting to know each other.
Yeah.
Marc:But no, you seem happier than most comics, and I appreciate that.
Marc:I don't know what to do with it completely, but I appreciate it.
Guest:Well, I've learned that if I just put on a smile all the time, people won't be concerned about me.
Marc:I think quite the opposite.
Marc:My feeling is, why is that guy smiling all the time?
Marc:What's he fucking up to?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:You don't get that?
Guest:Well, see, most people don't catch that, though.
Guest:You're right.
Marc:So you're fooling most of them, but not me, crazy man.
Marc:Right, exactly.
Guest:No, I'm a laid-back guy.
Guest:I enjoy things.
Guest:What's that about?
LAUGHTER
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:You should try it.
Guest:I don't even know where to start with that.
Guest:I try to just imagine that I don't ever have to have any responsibilities or problems or worries.
Guest:And that's not true, but I just trick myself into doing it.
Guest:And then something bad happens.
Guest:I'm just like, yeah, whatever.
Guest:If something bad happens, you don't go, that didn't really happen.
Guest:No, I acknowledge that I have.
Guest:It's just like I went skydiving recently and I was on my way down and I'm like, I am not very excited about this.
Guest:I was just kind of pretty laid back.
Guest:And I was like, maybe I'm a little too laid back of a person.
Guest:I'll say.
Marc:If I'm not, like I didn't feel adrenaline or anything.
Marc:You felt nothing?
Marc:You had the guy on your back?
Marc:It was tandem and you're plunging to your fucking possible death.
Guest:Yeah, the guy's on my back and then he opened up the thing and then he's like, so do you have fun?
Guest:I was like, yeah, I think so.
Guest:And he's like, because usually people like yell or get excited.
Guest:I was just like, oh, nah.
Marc:But did you actually... I don't know.
Marc:After the shoot opened, did you look back and go, that's it?
Marc:Is that the whole thing?
Guest:Yeah, it was enjoyable.
Guest:Like, I'd like to do it again.
Guest:I just, like, I didn't care about it that much.
Marc:Shane, what makes you go, fuck yeah.
Guest:Well, I hear, like, when I'm blacked out drunk, I get excited about things, but I...
Guest:I hear that from other people.
Guest:I don't ever... So they report back to you?
Guest:I don't get to experience that like me, this person, which is a different person than that person.
Marc:What are some examples of some of that excitement?
Guest:I do weird shit.
Guest:This popped in my head the other day.
Guest:I once snorted weed on a bet, and what I won in the bet was the weed that I snorted.
Guest:it's a really dumb bet did you try to retrieve that weed no it was gone man it was wherever that thing goes i have no idea where it goes that's a pretty good one yeah it's uh but i i uh i remember having fun doing it for some reason i don't know why it just seemed like it'd be a funny thing to do yeah and then
Guest:When my nose is bleeding, I'm like, ah, it's not that funny.
Marc:Do you ever get angry, though?
Guest:Yeah, once in a while.
Guest:I've snapped on stage like three times.
Marc:Now, see, this is where it gets good.
Marc:Did you make a lady cry?
Guest:Yeah, I think so.
Guest:The last time I snapped on stage, and I'm very laid back.
Guest:Can you imagine him snapping?
Marc:It's like it'd be so exciting.
Guest:I think I must just bottle shit up way too much or something.
Guest:Because when it comes out, it's scary.
Marc:Look, I'm not a doctor, but the blackout thing and the skydiving, that didn't really affect you.
Marc:But yet when you blackout, you do crazy shit.
Marc:Oh, there's something wrong.
Marc:Yeah, no, there's something really wrong.
Guest:Oh, thanks.
Guest:I've known that for a while.
Marc:See that face?
Marc:Now do you see him differently, the smiling?
Marc:Like, I know.
Marc:So let's talk about the snappage.
Marc:Because no one does that anymore.
Marc:I wish there was more snapping going on.
Marc:I didn't want to be critical of Rooftop about the three-minute sets, but I really want to see some crying and some anger.
Guest:I did the three-minute set last night there, and it wasn't fun.
Guest:But I didn't snap.
Marc:Well, let's talk about the snap.
Marc:Talk about the one in Canada.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I was doing my first gig in Canada, like a paid week of work in Edmonton.
Guest:And I forget what the name of the club is there.
Guest:Yeah, in the mall.
Guest:And so I go up there.
Guest:It's a nice club.
Guest:I had a bad week.
Guest:What happened was I got to the airport, and I was already running late.
Guest:and i got there i realized i forgot my passport and so then i had to go and spend sixty dollars to get a cab ride back and then by the time i got back i missed my flight so at this point are you going fuck fuck are you not snapping out you're just like oh well i'm just like well just you know whatever i'll get on a different flight and so i paid because it was the day of and it's a long flight as this was from boston and i am from wisconsin by the way and um
Guest:I had to pay $1,400 to get on a flight.
Guest:And I had like $1,300 in my checking account, but they'll let you go over.
Guest:And so I used all the money that I had to fly there.
Guest:And I think that's about what I was getting paid for the week.
Guest:And so it was already a total wash.
Guest:And it was, like, whatever, the initial flight, the $400 for that, like, that was gone, too.
Guest:So this was, like, about $2,000 in expenses.
Guest:And then I get there, and then there's a delay on these flights.
Guest:And so I miss my first show.
Guest:And I've never missed a show before, and I'm bummed out about it.
Guest:And the club was pretty cool about it.
Guest:And...
Guest:I get to the condo.
Guest:It's a nice enough place.
Guest:I go and I have to take a shit.
Guest:That seems to be a theme.
Guest:Funny things happen with poop.
Guest:And how I do things is I give myself a courtesy flush before I wipe and also to ensure that I will never clog a toilet.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Yeah, nice.
Guest:And so I did that.
Guest:Good for you.
Guest:But apparently it was clogged beforehand.
Guest:And so it immediately just starts overflowing.
Guest:And I had to run because there was shit going everywhere.
Guest:And I'm grabbing towels.
Guest:I'm cleaning.
Guest:I'm calling the guy.
Guest:And I'm like...
Guest:I'm like, is there a plunger around here?
Guest:I'm not finding a plunger.
Guest:He's like, ah, no, you probably have to go buy one.
Guest:Like, I don't have money to buy a plunger to fucking clean up my own shit that someone else clogged this damn toilet.
Guest:I know it wasn't me.
Guest:And, um...
Guest:And so I'm having a bad week.
Guest:And then I got an internet virus, which has never happened to me before.
Guest:They had a shitty connection, and then I had to pay another $150.
Guest:And now I'm borrowing my girlfriend's credit card so I can get this virus off of my computer.
Guest:Sounds great.
Guest:And the club, it was a nice enough club, and it was a lot of fun.
Guest:The crowds were fun, but these...
Guest:These girls, they were in the front row, and they were real chatty, and they were nice, too.
Guest:I asked them nice to be quiet, and they were like, oh, we were just talking about how cute and funny you are.
Guest:They were nice.
Guest:They were fans of the thing, but they just kept talking, and they just wouldn't stop, and I was just like, you have to stop.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:You have to stop, or I'm going to stop the show.
Guest:You have to leave right now.
Guest:And then they go, no, we're not leaving.
Guest:And I'm like, well, that's...
Guest:Fucking too bad and I just lost my fucking mind And I almost I remember it was a table three girls.
Guest:I remember almost
Guest:Kicking their table into them with their drinks.
Guest:I lost my shit.
Guest:Like, I did stuff I would have never thought.
Guest:Like, I screamed.
Guest:Like, I was stupid shit.
Guest:Like, I was yelling about how fat this girl was.
Guest:Like, I would never do something like that.
Guest:Like, I pulled a Kramer, essentially.
Guest:It's just I called her the F.
Guest:word instead of the n-word yeah the fat one and that's acceptable for some reason you don't lose your career just by screaming at someone and calling them fat so um did you type that set i don't know it's probably somewhere did you see the intensity when he fucking let it out it's like right don't you just want more of that
Guest:I can scream.
Marc:But did you bring up the incidents of the week?
Marc:That would have been, to me, if you're snapping at them for not crying, I had to clean up my own fucking shit.
Marc:My own shit today.
Marc:And I was thinking about the fun thing.
Marc:My computer's got a virus.
Guest:And I never was able to get a plunger because I just couldn't afford one.
Guest:I could only eat at the club that week and stuff.
Guest:And so I left the place and the toilet was not in good shape.
Guest:How many days were you there?
Guest:I was there.
Guest:for like five days there was a there was a different bathroom there was a different bathroom that i could use and so i did that but but i was like at the end of the week i was like yeah you know i'd love to be back sometime there's no business would ever book me back there again like you know even if the rest of the shows went well i missed a show i screamed at people and alienated an audience and then i just shit all over their bathroom
Guest:Like, there's plenty of comics out there.
Guest:There's no reason to book me again.
Guest:Shane Moss, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Move it down.
Marc:Do we got room?
Marc:Wisconsin, huh?
Marc:Ed Gein was from Wisconsin, wasn't he?
Marc:Okay.
Marc:And Jeffrey Dahmer.
Marc:And Jeffrey Dahmer.
Marc:Awesome.
Marc:That's a nice smile.
Marc:I, um...
Marc:I'm excited that this guy's here, because quite honestly, I've known him probably for 20 years, and it hasn't always been comfortable.
Marc:And you know him from the state, you know him from Stella, you know him from Michael and Michael have issues, you know him from Ed, you know him from his success.
Marc:And please welcome Michael Ian Black.
Marc:Thank you.
Guest:Hi, man.
Guest:Hi, Mark.
Guest:How you doing?
Guest:I'm okay.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:He's putting his name on top of all the other... I just wanted to say Michael Ian Black, comedian.
Guest:Because it's not going to be clear by my performance here today, I think.
Guest:No, people love you.
Guest:They don't care what you do.
Guest:You're one of those people.
Guest:Listen to the bitterness and resentment seeping out of every pore of your fucking body.
Guest:Jesus Christ, did you hear that?
Guest:No, they love you.
Guest:They don't care what you do or say.
Marc:I was being nice.
Marc:We had a nice conversation earlier.
Guest:We had a lovely conversation earlier.
Guest:I'm not going to ruin that.
Guest:Here's the thing, Mark.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I did not know what to expect from this podcast.
Guest:Okay, all right.
Guest:And then watching everybody, I didn't realize it was going to be funny in the way that it's been great.
Guest:You guys have been really, really funny.
Okay.
Guest:But I wasn't prepared to be funny in any way, shape or form.
Guest:So what's new?
Marc:Pow, zingers.
Guest:We don't have to do this.
Guest:No, no, no, no, no.
Guest:I'm content to sit on my laurels here and not be funny at all.
Marc:No, let me just tell you.
Marc:In all honesty, it's very nice to see you, and I'm glad we had a nice conversation.
Marc:It was you and your lovely wife, and I think that you probably walked away from that saying, you know, Mark seems okay now.
Marc:Now, what...
Marc:What happened with me and you, because I know there was a time, and I've discussed this with other members of the state about my resentment of all of you, is that...
Marc:Back when you guys started doing stand-up, you know, I thought to myself, I got very territorial.
Marc:I was like, they're fucking not stand-ups.
Marc:They do the thing for the kids.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Yeah, with each other in outfits and funny sounds.
Marc:And, you know, I felt like that you were coming into my house.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Did you feel like it was a personal affront that we had sort of conspired against you that one of us at one point had said, let's see what we can do to fuck up Mark Maron?
Right.
Guest:No, but I thought it became that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It wasn't.
Guest:I know.
Guest:I'll be honest.
Guest:Your career almost never entered into our conversations.
Guest:If you can believe that.
Marc:Oh, look at this.
Marc:No, that was very funny, and I appreciate that.
Marc:And I appreciate you saying that.
Marc:But here's my issue with you, and I've gotten over it, was that I could never figure out whether you were just playing an asshole or whether you were one.
Guest:But was I an asshole to you offstage?
Marc:Well, you do this sort of detached, kind of very funny.
Marc:You were really, quite honestly, between me and you.
Marc:The funniest out of the bunch.
Marc:No, I know.
Marc:I know.
Marc:Like as time went on, you became like a very good comic and you had this thing, you did this sort of detached, snarky, kind of I'm better than you thing.
Marc:But my experience was like, why is he doing that to me off stage?
Guest:And I will answer your question for you.
Guest:What you don't know is that you, among with some other comics, was a great inspiration to me.
Guest:When I first started performing stand-up, one of the reasons I did it at all was because I was terrified of it.
Guest:Just terrified, terrified, terrified to get up on a stage with a microphone and talk to people.
Guest:And there was a club in New York called Rebar, which was sort of the birth of the New York alternative comedy scene, and every week they would have performers come.
Guest:And I would go and sort of try to gather my courage to go, and I would watch Mark.
Guest:And Mark...
Guest:was and continues to be a kind of courageous, soul-bearing comedian.
Guest:And I thought to myself, well, that's kind of what I want to do.
Guest:I wasn't and I'm still not really capable of it.
Guest:It's not a good career choice, I can tell you that.
Guest:Oh, no, I know.
Guest:The evidence points to that.
Guest:It was enough with just I know, I think.
Guest:But at the time, I thought, gee, this guy really has it together.
Guest:This guy, he's really doing something right.
Guest:And so you were a great inspiration to me.
Guest:But at the same time, I've always been intimidated by the people who I find inspiring, and you're one of those people.
Guest:So any time that I may have been aloof or standoffish, it was just intimidation and remains to this day.
Guest:I remain intimidated by you.
Marc:Okay, I'll accept that.
Marc:I don't mean to intimidate you.
Marc:Is there anything I'd do to make our relationship better?
Guest:No, it's... Well, in fairness, we don't really have a relationship.
Guest:And haven't for probably a decade.
Guest:But through neither fault of our own, we just run in different circles.
Guest:You know, I'm married and have kids.
Guest:A career.
Guest:A career.
Guest:Sure, sure.
Guest:And you have other things.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:I have two failed marriages.
Guest:I was not going to... And a podcast.
Guest:Again, you have other things, whatever those things may be.
Guest:Are you Mr. Happy?
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Yeah, me and Shane are pretty happy guys.
Marc:No, I understand your condescension, and I understand that it's really a device you use to get approval.
Guest:I didn't want this to be a battle.
Guest:I came up thinking to myself, I'm going to let Mark know how much he has meant to me, and a tremendous amount.
Guest:Okay, okay.
Guest:See, you can't take it.
Guest:You can't take warm feelings, and I'm exuding warmth to you.
Guest:You're more comfortable with me being a dick to you, because then it justifies your anger towards me and bitterness towards me.
Guest:When in fact I have nothing but admiration and love for you.
Guest:And you can't handle that.
Guest:I can handle it, man.
Guest:Fuck you.
Marc:No, fuck you.
Marc:See, now that's better, isn't it?
Marc:Now we both know where we stand.
Guest:Maybe we're not cut out for this adult kind thing.
Guest:I'm capable of it.
Guest:I feel perfectly.
Guest:I'm at ease.
Guest:I'm enjoying this.
Guest:I'm enjoying you, the wonderful crowd in Aspen.
Guest:I'm grateful to be alive, Marc Maron.
Marc:Oh, see, now you're turning it.
Marc:See, like, he's sucking up to you to turn on me.
Marc:See, I know what these guys do with their charm.
Marc:In that case, in that particular case, you were right.
Marc:I was trying to get them to turn on you.
Marc:That's easy.
Marc:They love when I get taken down a notch.
Marc:Because they see it as like, that's just Mark being human.
Guest:How many notches up are you being taken?
Guest:I mean, what I'm thinking is...
Guest:Like, where do you see yourself?
Guest:How high do you see yourself that you really need to be taken down a notch?
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:I mean, I understand it's your podcast, and so you have a certain amount of people who love this and love you, and justifiably so, because you're wonderful.
Guest:I'll say it again.
Guest:That time I didn't mean it so much.
Guest:Where do I see myself?
Guest:In my head, I'm imagining Lincoln Logs that have not just taken out of them already, and I'm wondering how big your Lincoln Log is, and this isn't a measuring phallic thing again.
Marc:I'll be honest with you.
Marc:I know, quite honestly, that when I sit in my garage and do my podcast, and I have people that obviously have bigger careers than me,
Marc:that what I know is that if they ever end up back where I am, they will be so fucking miserable and not be able to handle it, and that I live in it, okay?
Marc:And so how high up do I see myself?
Marc:I wish someday that you will be working out of a garage.
Guest:I do have a nice garage, though.
Guest:I have to say it's a three-car garage.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:It's a gorgeous garage in Connecticut.
Guest:Connecticut.
Guest:I mean, I'll have to move.
Guest:You know, the problem is I've got the BMW in there.
Guest:I've got the Audi in there.
Guest:I've got the other.
Guest:I'm going to have to back one out to set up my little podcasting station.
Guest:It's going to be, you know what?
Guest:It's going to be a pain in the ass.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You sound really happy.
Marc:with your things.
Marc:I'm doing the big work, Michael.
Marc:I am dealing with humility, with failure.
Marc:Whose humility?
Marc:Mine.
Marc:With broken dreams, with managing sadness, with the thing that make us human.
Marc:You think your garage makes you human?
Marc:You think that just because you have children and happiness that you're a good person?
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:The garage does not make me human.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:It's the five bedrooms that make me human.
Okay.
Guest:I understand.
Guest:No, but Mark, when you introduced me, you sort of went through a list of my credits and everything, and then obviously I could hear the bitterness and whatever and the resentment, but you painted as he's this big success, but I look at all of these guys, and you, and I don't see myself as a particularly big success because I know of all the failures that I've had and continue to have, and then I look at people like Hannibal and Shane and Chris, who I know, and Ryan, who I don't know, but
Guest:I assume will after this, and I think, God, these guys are really doing it, and I'm proud of them, and I'm envious in a way.
Guest:Even though I'm doing sort of what they're doing, I admire that they're doing it.
Guest:I love that people are doing this stuff.
Marc:So you're saying that after all this time, you still fundamentally realize that you're not really a great comedian.
Marc:I'll be the first to say that.
Marc:Absolutely.
Marc:I think that's honest.
Guest:Fellas, you?
Guest:I just want to interrupt.
Guest:Did he say that we're going to know each other after this?
Guest:Ryan, that was a huge exaggeration on my part.
Guest:And I apologize.
Guest:I apologize.
Guest:Me and you, Mark.
Marc:Me and you.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:You hitched yourself to the right wagon with me, buddy.
Guest:But you can clarify that you do currently know me.
Marc:I thought I said that I know Chris.
Guest:Yeah, okay.
Marc:So is everyone happy that they have a relationship with Michael Ian Black?
Marc:Shane, do you want to?
Guest:I'm comfortable with it.
Marc:That's an aggressive comfortability.
Marc:No, in all honesty, I appreciate you taking the piss out of me, and I appreciate seeing you.
Marc:So what have you got going?
Marc:Why don't you tell the kids what you got going?
Marc:I'm a fucking failure.
Marc:I have, you know, my show got canceled.
Marc:Do not play the pity card.
Marc:No.
Marc:You heard what he said before.
Marc:Your show got canceled.
Marc:Oh, did it?
Marc:Yeah, I didn't want it.
Marc:The Michael and Michael one?
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:I missed it.
Marc:Was it funny or, you know, nobody watched it.
Guest:No, three, four, seven.
Guest:Seven's good.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:I appreciate that.
Guest:I'm writing a book, and I'm doing... What's the book about?
Guest:It's about my life.
Guest:It's one of those comic books.
Guest:Comedian books, not a comic book.
Guest:It's not a graphic novel.
Guest:Why the middle name, and what is that about?
Guest:Why not name it?
Guest:Is that what you said?
Marc:Why the middle one?
Marc:Why did you decide?
Marc:Oh, Michael Ian Black.
Guest:Because there was already a Michael Black in the union.
Guest:So when I joined, I had to insert a middle name so as not to be confused with the actor who was in the one film in 1937.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah, I actually was looking it up today.
Marc:So you had to coincidentally insert that arrogance into your name?
Marc:Having a middle name is arrogant?
Marc:If you're not a serial killer, yes.
Marc:That would be like, I would say, I'm Mark David Maron, sitting here with Michael Ian Black.
Marc:People would be like, what the fuck is wrong with those guys?
Guest:I don't feel like anybody in this audience was saying that.
Guest:I think their reaction would be, oh, that's his name.
Marc:So you got anything else you want to brag about?
Marc:Huh?
Guest:Kids win any trophies?
Guest:Thanks for mentioning that.
Guest:Yes, several.
Guest:I don't feel like I've been bragging at all.
Marc:No, you haven't.
Marc:You've been yourself and it was exactly what I expected to happen.
Marc:And...
Marc:It was what I hoped for.
Marc:I said, you know, the best that could happen is Mike is condescending, and he takes some shots at me, and he wins a couple minor battles.
Guest:I feel like I didn't start it.
Guest:I feel like I came out here, and immediately I felt like there were slings and arrows being hurled at me for no good reason.
Marc:Because I know that's what you do best, and I thought, why not invite that?
Marc:Because that's where he excels.
Marc:Have you watched your show that you've been on?
Marc:That's all you do, right?
Marc:You and Michael fight, right?
Marc:And you do funny things with bugs.
Yeah.
Marc:Have you had a good time?
Marc:I think we had a good time.
Guest:I've had a great time.
Marc:Did you guys have a good time?
Guest:To Aspen and I love doing anything that you're involved in, I will always do.
Marc:I'm just going to change the tone a little bit because I think it's interesting and important because we're all professional comedians, even Michael.
Marc:And we entertain and we do what we do.
Marc:But I don't always know what kind of people respond to what or what impact I have on people.
Marc:Because we just do our comedy.
Marc:We're sort of relatively selfish individuals.
Marc:If I took you down a notch, you're about to raise yourself up too.
Okay.
Marc:But I do this podcast because I love to do it, and I get emails sometimes because I don't make a lot of bread, and I just like being able to do this and have creative freedom.
Marc:So I get this email.
Marc:It just says, thank you.
Marc:Dear Mr. Marin, my name is Jason.
Marc:I am from Flagstaff, Arizona.
Marc:I have to tell you that your podcast is amazing.
Marc:No, I'm not just blowing smoke here.
Marc:What the fuck?
Marc:While the cancer didn't go away, my dad made some drastic changes and we got along better.
Marc:We do stuff together now.
Marc:I wheel him around the mall and hit on some pretty ladies.
Marc:Getting rejected by pretty women together is a real father-son bonding experience.
Marc:My dad finally got to asking me why I wanted to be a comedian.
Marc:I told him that comedians have a job to point out the truth in things and make people's shitty lives easier or seem less shitty.
Marc:He understood completely for the first time, and my dad started listening to my iTunes library filled with comedians, and he came across your albums, and for the first time in my entire life, I heard him laugh his ass off.
Marc:Even when it hurt him, he still listened all the way through your albums.
Marc:After that, he wanted more, so I showed him your podcast.
Marc:Now, with my dad having less than six months to live, we tried to at least sit and listen to your podcast at least four times a week.
Marc:It is nice to know that my dad is truly enjoying himself, even with a death sentence, and it's all thanks to you and your podcast.
Marc:Thank you so much, Jason.
Marc:Holy fuck.
Marc:What do I need money for?
Marc:Or cars?
Marc:or anything else.
Marc:I want to tell you, you've been a great audience, Aspen, and that's our show.
Marc:This is Michael Ian Black, Shane Moss, Hannibal Buress, Chris Fairbanks, Ryan Singer.
Marc:Go to wtfpod.com for anything you need related to the show.
Marc:WTF Pod Shop for the new premium episodes.
Marc:Let's kick on the music.
Marc:And you guys have a great night.
Marc:Thank you so much.
Marc:Thank you, guys.
you