BONUS WTF Collections - Live Show Highlights #1
Marc:The first time I met this man and was backstage at a show, I had no idea who he was, and he was dressed as Saddam Hussein wearing a guitar.
Marc:Please welcome Fred Armisen to this stage.
Marc:Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Marc:Hi, buddy.
Marc:I'm fine, man.
Marc:Thanks.
Marc:Look at what Eric made.
Marc:It's a Viewmaster.
Marc:He made it?
Marc:Well, he had it made with his own money.
Guest:That's great, though.
Guest:How do you mold the plastic?
Guest:I mean...
Guest:Oh, if you guys could only see.
Marc:How's it going, man?
Guest:It's going good.
Guest:Thanks for having me.
Marc:Can I just say this, and I mean it honestly, because I'm relatively honest, and I'm not kissing your ass, but when I watched the pilot episode of Portlandia, I fucking laughed out loud.
Marc:Oh, great.
Marc:Thanks.
Marc:Thank you very much.
Marc:I appreciate it.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:And you possess what I can only call an insanely creepy commitment to character.
Marc:But no, when you do characters, I'm amazed at how you inhabit them to the point where I'm like, who is Fred Armisen?
Marc:It's an empty vessel.
Guest:Is it nothing inside?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:That's hard for me to say because it's hard to think about what the real person is like in a way.
Guest:Whenever I do characters, they're pretty much like me.
Marc:Is it a relief, though?
Marc:Do you think, oh, good, finally, definition?
Guest:Yeah, there is a sense of that.
Guest:There's a character that I do on Saturday Night Live that is...
Guest:partially, I'd say 20% based on you.
Guest:No.
Guest:Yeah, that's the truth.
Guest:Now which one?
Guest:Can you do it?
Guest:It's this comedian named Nicholas Vane.
Guest:And...
Guest:It's based on a little bit David Cross, but the look, I wanted the look and the attitude, I'm serious, to be like you.
Guest:And I was just, actually, I was watching you from back there for this show, and I was pleased.
Guest:I was like, oh, no, that's totally what he's like.
Guest:But now I need you to do some.
Guest:Oh, all it is is just like, Nicholas Fain is kind of like,
Guest:He'll come out with like a newspaper, right?
Guest:And so it's an army jacket and kind of longer hair.
Guest:I think you used to have like longer hair.
Marc:Yeah, I did, yeah.
Guest:And he's just like, he comes out and is like, hey, what's going on?
Guest:How are you?
Guest:All right.
Guest:Thought about you guys.
Guest:I read this article here.
Guest:Did you guys see this?
Guest:Sounds like bullshit to me, a letter from the editor.
Guest:You know, you can't... And I just... And then I just leave it open-ended, you know?
Guest:So...
Guest:That's exactly me.
Marc:Now I feel flattered.
Marc:There's a little David Cross in there, too.
Marc:Which part would that be?
Marc:The cranky, slightly condescending?
Guest:It's actually the loudest part of it.
Guest:Like, no!
Guest:No!
Guest:Do you often construct characters from people that you run into?
Guest:Not often.
Guest:Sometimes it's just people I see on TV.
Guest:It's from all over the place.
Guest:A lot of it's from bands and music and stuff, too.
Guest:I'll hear someone and I'll try to imagine what they're like.
Guest:Seriously.
Guest:Really?
Guest:And then people like the Saddam Hussein thing was just, that was from photos.
Guest:I saw these pictures of Saddam Hussein and he was, he looked, it's when he was on trial and he looked thinner and he had a black jacket and a white shirt and a full beard and he looked so cool.
Guest:He looked like an aging rock star.
Guest:And all the photos were... He was very angry.
Guest:He's really mad, but they were like... And it just seemed so... Like Pete Townsend or something, or Joe Strummer or something.
Guest:You know, I can honestly say you're the only one that saw that.
I don't know.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yes!
Guest:By the way, I've seen you do stand-up a lot.
Guest:I remember when I, and I don't mean to interrupt you.
Guest:It's okay.
Guest:But when I first, I moved to LA and I knew nothing about the comedy scene.
Guest:The only thing I knew was Largo.
Guest:It's this one club where like,
Guest:Everyone was at.
Guest:It was like this cool place and it was really small.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I would go there alone and just stand at the back and I'd see like Paula Tompkins and Karen Kilgareff.
Guest:Zach.
Guest:And Rice Club.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Dana Gould.
Guest:Nick Swardson.
Guest:And then you.
Guest:I remember the first time I saw you, you got into a serious fight with someone at the end.
Guest:How come everyone was there that night?
Yeah.
Marc:I can't even tell you who was there that night.
Marc:I had no idea you were there.
Marc:The guy was in the wrong, though.
Marc:No, I know he was, but nonetheless, it's like, I spent 20 years doing fucking comedy in shitholes, and then I'm at a dinner club that's supposedly the alt-comedy mecca, and some guy tackles me?
Marc:I mean, these guys, most of them know that story, but you were there, too.
Marc:Do you know who else was there?
Marc:Vincent D'Onofrio, the actor.
Marc:Mick Jones, the guitar player from Foreigner.
Oh.
Marc:And you.
Marc:I met Mick Jones.
Marc:And I think Foley was there.
Marc:Paul F. Tompkins was fucking hosting.
Marc:That place was everybody.
Marc:Now I meet people and they're like, I was there that night.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:It's like the Studs Terkel story about Babe Ruth's home run in the Chicago stadium.
Marc:If there were the number of people that were there saying they saw it, that place should have held a million people.
Marc:I promise you I was there.
Marc:I promise you.
Marc:I'm just so glad I didn't run.
Marc:I mean, that was the weirdest thing about that.
Marc:Have you been in a fight before?
Marc:Never.
Marc:Ever.
Marc:Well, I... Look, I... I have to never get into one.
Marc:I'm not a pussy, but I'm right on the pussy cusp.
Marc:And... Oh, I'm a pussy.
Marc:You are?
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:I kind of knew that.
Guest:I would never fight.
Marc:But, um...
Marc:I can tell that about you.
Marc:But in a good way, you're a very talented pussy.
Marc:You're a gifted pussy.
Marc:I would run.
Marc:You would run?
Marc:I'd run right away.
Marc:Well, that was the worst thing.
Marc:I was the last act, and this shit got out of hand.
Marc:And he said, I'm going to take you out, bitch.
Marc:And the next thing I know, he's on stage, but I realize that he's not a guy who fights, because he just looked all wild-eyed.
Marc:And I registered the look as like, I'm not sure why I'm up here.
Marc:Awful.
Marc:Right, so I'm like, I'm the last guy, and I'm on stage.
Marc:If I run, that's going to be a horrendous way to close this show.
Marc:So I was like, I'm going to have to take the hit.
Marc:And I guess when that happened, you must have been one of the everyone who ran out of the club.
Guest:It was so fast.
Guest:I know.
Guest:It was over in a second.
Marc:I was amazed at how alone I was.
Marc:In Hollywood, when I was confronted physically and only three people were left, and one of them was Vincent D'Onofrio going, you all right?
Marc:And all I could think was like, am I in a movie?
Guest:The guy was so in the wrong, though.
Guest:I think you mentioned suicide, and he was like, what?
Guest:He just got bent in.
Marc:Yeah, he snapped, and of course, I didn't handle it well.
Marc:I can't believe, most of you probably heard that story.
Marc:I did this joke that had suicide in it.
Marc:Like, it wasn't about suicide.
Marc:But there was the possibility of suicide within the narrative of the joke.
Marc:Yeah, it was just, he just wanted attention.
Marc:No, then he goes, don't talk about suicide.
Marc:Yeah, it was... And I go, and of course, in that moment, I was sensitive.
Marc:I said, why, did you just lose somebody?
Marc:Oh, God.
Yeah.
Marc:And he goes, just don't talk about it.
Marc:And I go, what are you going to do?
Marc:He goes, well, I'll take you out, bitch.
Marc:And then I said, why do you demand so much attention from a room full of people you don't know?
Marc:Why don't you shut your fucking mouth?
Marc:You still going to take me out, bitch?
Marc:And he did.
Marc:He took me out.
Guest:But what was his night like?
Guest:He was going through so much trauma.
Marc:He apologized after.
Guest:That was the worst part of it.
Marc:It can't even be a good story.
Marc:Because, like, everyone ran outside except for the two people that stepped in.
Marc:And then I went outside, and then that dude came back around in his car, and everyone was like, go back inside, Maren.
Marc:I'm like, no, no, there's enough of you out here.
Marc:I think I can handle this.
Marc:And I'm like, yo, let him through, let him through.
Marc:You know, like, fucking awful.
Marc:And he comes up to me, he goes, I'm sorry, man, but, you know, my brother talked about killing himself.
Marc:And I'm like, he didn't even do it?
Marc:You know, like, I...
Marc:Oh, did he not do it?
Marc:No, it was like, you know, somebody, it was like, it was so unsatisfying.
Marc:And I'm like, why the fuck?
Marc:We need a body.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:There's got to be a corpse.
Marc:And he apologized.
Marc:He said, I'm not usually like that.
Marc:Then we ended up shaking hands.
Marc:And it was such an unsatisfying ending for everyone involved.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:That it ended friendly and there was no real meat to it.
Marc:Yeah, I'm sorry.
Marc:The character I love that you fucking do, the one thing that, like, it actually moved me to, like, I took it personally at first because it was so fucking genius.
Marc:I'm saying fuck a lot.
Marc:I'm sorry, Sarah.
Marc:Are you tired?
Guest:There are ladies present.
Marc:I apologize.
Marc:Do you remember that dude you did, like the townie guy who does the one-man show?
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest:What was that?
Marc:Because I saw it once, and I was like, is he making fun of just people who are trying to express themselves?
Guest:No, it's just like, it's those people.
Guest:You know, do you guys ever have to go to a one-man show?
Guest:And it's...
Guest:It puts you through so much anxiety to sit in that audience.
Guest:Because there's always a very serious moment.
Guest:They're always so cute and quaint.
Guest:And I've been to a few, and it's always the sound of how they walk out onto the stage.
Guest:You can hear every step.
Guest:I don't know how to do this.
Guest:You can do it.
Guest:It'll pick it up.
It's just that, like...
Marc:Open the show.
Guest:You know, when they just go into their first thing.
Guest:So it's just always... But you had the delivery so well, it was sort of like, do you remember what it was?
Guest:Oh, because there's never any mics in those things.
Guest:So it's always kind of like... They're going to call you a faggot?
Guest:I don't even know what right wing means.
Guest:That kind of thing.
Guest:Just a lot of projecting and so serious.
Marc:But do you do like some whole riff on like, you know, I'm from New Jersey.
Marc:Or am I making this up?
Marc:Bruce Springsteen was a god to me.
Marc:Yeah, I mean, you know, whatever.
Marc:It was so fucking good because you had all the moves so right.
Marc:It was so embarrassing, but it was so good.
Guest:But you've never done that.
Guest:That's never been your thing.
Marc:No, but like a one-man show is this weird specific thing that, you know, even if you're a comic, because I've done them, like all of a sudden you're doing like, no, we're doing theater now.
Marc:So there's that weird consciousness of that.
Marc:I have to have a narrative.
Marc:I don't want to get off the narrative.
Marc:So there's part of you that's sort of like, I'm walking over here now.
Guest:I'm going to do this.
Marc:So it wasn't that I took it personally, but I actually felt sorry for the guy you were playing.
Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I'm like, the guy Fred made up is breaking my heart.
Guest:Yeah, the one show that was based on was a guy I saw who, I can't remember his name, who did a show about teaching in the inner city.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it was just very like, the ending was something about a girl whose father had died or something like that.
Guest:And it was just like, you're learning.
Guest:And walk off the stage.
Guest:I feel like I'm not the only person who feels anxious in those audiences.
Guest:Like, am I wrong?
Guest:I might be wrong about that.
Guest:No, no, of course not.
Guest:But I would say that they're just so serious that it's like you feel afraid to breathe.
Guest:You know, you're like...
Guest:I literally don't want to breathe.
Guest:But nothing against them.
Guest:People are just trying to do their thing.
Marc:Last time I was in town, we were going to talk, but I was in the middle of some chaos with a woman, and I felt so bad because we had set up an interview, and I'm sending you emails.
Marc:I'm like, I'm having a lot of trouble with this girl I'm dating, and I haven't slept.
Marc:And I added, you'd understand, right?
Marc:And you're like, it's cool.
Marc:Don't worry about it.
Marc:Paul McCartney is here.
LAUGHTER
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And you, like, everyone was excited about that.
Guest:I mean, what happened with you and Paul McCartney?
Guest:I, you know, meeting him, first of all, I'm gonna assume there's some Beatle fans in here, right?
Guest:Like, um... Is it still cool to like the Beatles?
Guest:It is, right?
Guest:Oh, I think that'll never go away.
Guest:That'll never go away.
Guest:I think that'll always stay cool.
Marc:I don't love seeing him that much.
Guest:How could you not?
Marc:I like him and he's usually pretty cool, but I'm like, there's some part of Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney as they age where it's like, it's like if you keep looking, trying to look like you did when you were 30 or 20, it makes me sad.
Marc:But then again, if they were really old, I'd be like, oh, don't go out.
Marc:You know, so.
Marc:No, it's hard.
Marc:So, no, but I like Cena.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:Go ahead.
Guest:But on the outside, I just acted really cool.
Guest:I didn't ask any Beatle questions or anything.
Guest:But on the inside, I just flipped out.
Guest:And there was even one moment.
Guest:He really liked to joke around and hang out with everybody.
Guest:And this is a name-droppy story, though, isn't it?
Guest:You don't mind, right?
Guest:Fuck him, Paul McCartney, dude.
Guest:None of us have met him.
Guest:There was one point where he was talking to someone, and he saw me.
Guest:And he said, hold on a minute.
Guest:I'm going to go say hello to Fred.
Guest:And he said my name.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But the same thing, just I played it cool, like, hey.
Guest:But even looking into his eyes, I'm like, I'm looking into his eyes.
Guest:But it's weird, though.
Guest:He just liked hanging out with everybody.
Guest:He was really cool.
Guest:But I'm sorry for what you went through.
Guest:That must have been hard for you, you know.
Marc:Well, no, but, you know, you seem to have a good time.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:No, I mean, you know, it was hard.
Marc:You know how that goes.
Marc:I mean, you've been through, you know, your breakups were public in a way that mine, I just make mine public.
Marc:You didn't see that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, how do you handle that shit?
Marc:Because you got sort of dragged through it.
Guest:You know, it is kind of a drag because it's your personal life.
Guest:Like, you know, you never think of yourself as someone who's on TV.
Guest:You're just like, you have this life, and then when that kind of thing happens...
Guest:Yeah, it's nothing but a drag.
Marc:But do you ever get to the point where it's like, that's not what happened!
Guest:I just try to ignore as much as I can.
Guest:And this is another thing, though.
Guest:I also understand that it's those people's job to have magazines and sites and stuff.
Guest:So it's like...
Guest:that's okay you know i can't be mad at them about it it's just that's what they do and and that's you know part of it all that's that's just the way you think about it you don't have any you don't have like a absolutely not like a mini fred going dude dude just calm down just calm down um no my thought is that like everyone's just trying to keep their jobs so whoever it is who's writing stuff is just like they're just trying to keep their jobs you know
Marc:That's fucking ridiculous.
Guest:And also, it's not ridiculous.
Guest:It's not, because the other thing is, it all moves on.
Guest:A week later, people don't care.
Guest:People don't care.
Guest:I still care.
Guest:You do?
Guest:It just moves on, and then it's all fine, you know?
Marc:And you're doing good?
Marc:I'm doing great.
Marc:I'm happier than ever.
Marc:You picked up for another season?
Guest:Yeah, we're going to do some more this summer.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Well, people love it.
Marc:They love you.
Marc:Fred Armisen, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Thanks, you guys.
Marc:Just move down one.
Marc:Just move down.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:What do you want?
Marc:There's a red velvet Twinkie that's fucking nuts.
Marc:I don't know what that is.
Marc:Taste it and tell me.
Marc:Tell me what it is right now.
Marc:Eat it.
Marc:It is peanut butter.
Marc:How fucking good is that?
Marc:Eric, you want anything?
Marc:You guys okay down at the end?
Marc:You want a red velvet Twinkie?
Marc:I do.
Marc:Closterman wants a red velvet Twinkie.
Marc:Split it with Sarah Val.
Marc:Jim got them from it.
Guest:I'm allergic to wheat.
Guest:Fun fact.
Marc:You want some chocolate?
Marc:Bosco?
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Let's bring out another SNL wonder boy, Bill Hader, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
Marc:That's Fred and Eric.
Marc:You know everybody.
Guest:Nice to meet you, man.
Guest:How are you?
Guest:I like your stuff, man.
Guest:You're great.
Guest:You're so funny on the show, man.
Guest:You're so funny on the show.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:You're funny.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:You're so funny.
Marc:What's up, man?
Marc:Hey, how are you?
Marc:You fucking look good.
Guest:Oh, thanks.
Guest:Hey, thanks.
Guest:Doesn't he?
Guest:No, he looks all clean and fucking shaved and focused and shit.
Guest:Knows what's funny about himself.
Guest:That's awesome.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:What?
Marc:That's funny.
Marc:It's true.
Marc:I know, but the one thing I always envy about fellas like you with the big funny jobs is
Marc:is that you fucking know exactly what's funny about you, and you know exactly what's funny about you.
Marc:I've got to bumble through a bunch of bullshit and share way too much of my life in order to get any fucking attention whatsoever.
Marc:But you guys just, like, cut through glass with this shit.
Marc:Like, bam, one look.
Marc:Hysterical.
Marc:Me, it's like, I don't know.
Marc:All right.
Marc:All right, well, okay, I'm fucked up.
Marc:You know?
Marc:How does that fucking happen, hater?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:All right.
Guest:The first time I met you was where?
Guest:In Vancouver.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:At the Sutton Place.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:I was shooting a movie.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:That was one of those moments, yeah.
Guest:And I went into the gym.
Guest:At the hotel.
Guest:At the hotel.
Guest:I had never been in a gym before, but I saw myself in the dailies, and I was like, oh, shit.
Guest:Shit.
Guest:I am fucking, I look like shit.
Guest:I just look terrible.
Guest:And, uh, and Laura Michaels had produced a movie and he was like, Bill, my God, what the, um, and, uh, so I went into the gym and you were in there working out and I was like, Hey man, I'm, I'm a fan of yours.
Guest:And you're like, Oh, thanks man.
Guest:You're, like, doing dips and stuff.
Guest:And I don't know if you ever noticed, I was trying to mimic what you were doing.
Guest:Like, you would do an exercise and leave, and then I would try to do the exact same exercise.
Guest:I was like, yeah.
Guest:No, I'm just here for a couple months.
Marc:I'm sure Ollie was thinking, like, you're up here shooting a fucking movie.
Guest:Good for him.
Guest:I think you said that to me.
Guest:Like, oh, you're shooting a fucking movie, huh?
Guest:And I was like, fucking A, man.
Guest:That's what I love about you, dog.
Guest:You don't hold back, man.
Guest:I love it.
Marc:Did you continue at the gym?
Guest:Yeah, I did.
Guest:I tried to, yeah, yeah.
Guest:And I did all right, but I did all right.
Guest:But there was other, the guys, oh, Ryan Reynolds was in there.
Guest:He's a funny guy.
Guest:Insanely fit.
Guest:And I was just like, fuck it.
Guest:I'm going to own it.
Guest:And Danny McBride was in the movie too.
Guest:And Danny was like, just own it, dude.
Guest:It's like, look at my ass.
Guest:I don't give a fuck.
Guest:I'm starring in movies and shit.
Guest:And I was like, yeah, you're right.
Guest:You are starring in movies.
Guest:I guess I should fuck.
Guest:Who cares?
Guest:He's really like that, huh?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, he's the best, man.
Guest:He's the funniest guy.
Guest:Um,
Guest:He did the most amazing thing.
Guest:Akiva Schaffer and Andy Samberg, we were out there moving the movie, and one night we had a screening for this movie called Whoopi Boys, which was this movie with my... Oh, man, it's the worst movie.
Guest:Paul Rodriguez, all these things.
Guest:Anyway, so we had this screening of it because we thought it was ironic and funny to do the screening of this movie, and we were in a limo.
Guest:And afterwards, we were all getting into the limo, and...
Guest:Danny McBride and Ben Best started smoking weed.
Guest:And they started smoking weed and the driver jumped out real quick and got in the back and was like, you do not smoke it in my car.
Guest:Like that.
Guest:He's like, no, you do not.
Guest:And Danny has the pipe and he's just staring at him like this.
Guest:Like he's just about to do it.
Guest:He's like...
Guest:And the guy's like, don't do it.
Guest:Do not do that.
Guest:You do that, you get the fuck out of my car.
Guest:Like that.
Guest:And Danny looked at him and he looked at us and he just went, fuck you.
Guest:And... And...
Guest:And the guy went, and the guy went, get out.
Guest:And Danny went, yep, I'll get out.
Guest:I'm being a dick.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:He got out of the car.
Guest:And we're like, and he's like, where are you assholes going?
Guest:And we're like, we're going to Denny's.
Guest:And he was like, I know how to get there.
Guest:I'll figure it out.
Guest:And we just left him.
Guest:He totally was a man of his word.
Guest:He's like, you're right.
Guest:I'm being an asshole.
Guest:I'll get out.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:It was like bravado for like one second.
Guest:It was like, fuck, I'm sorry.
Guest:I'm being a dick.
Guest:I'm being a dick.
Guest:Sorry.
Marc:Did he show up at Denny's?
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:He was like, oh, it was really easy.
Guest:I just got a cab.
Guest:It was fucking sweet.
Guest:That dude let me smoke in his car.
Guest:Yeah, he's like, yeah, the cab driver wasn't a dick about it.
Guest:Let me smoke, but old man, he didn't give a fuck.
Marc:So, like, I gotta ask you, like, you're from Tulsa?
Guest:Yeah, Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Marc:Who comes from there?
Guest:Uh, Hanson.
Guest:Sarah Val's from Oklahoma.
Guest:I was born in Muskogee.
Guest:Yeah, Oki from Muskogee.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm trying to, I don't know anybody else who's from Tulsa.
Guest:But I mean, like, I grew up in New Mexico.
Guest:Gary Busey's from Tulsa.
Guest:Oh, there you go.
Guest:There you go.
Guest:I think he's on the state flag, isn't he?
Guest:Yeah, he's on the state, just like, hey.
Hey.
Guest:That's what happens when you cross into Tulsa just like, hey.
Guest:We're in Tulsa, honey.
Guest:We just heard the Gary Busey hey.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's what happens when you open up doors instead of ringing.
Guest:It's like, hey.
Marc:But I mean, I grew up in New Mexico, and I just pictured that there was really just, you know, cowboys and angry indigenous people in Oklahoma.
Guest:Yeah, that's not, I mean, yes and no.
Guest:I mean, I, you know, once you got around Oral Roberts University, it was kind of like insanity, you know, it was like you would just walk in, and it was this place called Pennington's where we would have our birthday parties, you know, it was like a 50s restaurant, but everybody was like, hi, how are you?
Yeah.
Guest:And it was kind of like, oh, okay, I get it.
Guest:But one time, my mom took me and my little sister, Kara, they took us trick-or-treating out by there, which was by Oral Roberts.
Guest:My mom, we had cousins by there, and she's like, we'll go trick-or-treating.
Guest:And we went to the first house.
Guest:I'm, like, dressed as, you know, Batman.
Guest:My sister's, like, strawberry shortcake or something.
Guest:We're, like, little, like, Batman.
Guest:And we knocked on a door, and this old lady opened the door and threw a bucket of water on us.
Guest:and started preaching.
Guest:But when you're a kid and someone throws water on you, you're like, yay, all right, water.
Guest:You don't give a shit.
Guest:You're like, oh, that was awesome.
Guest:That was fucking, they do that too?
Guest:And my mom, it was like the first time my mom lost her shit.
Guest:She just went nuts.
Guest:The woman tried to close the door.
Guest:She started praying and then she threw two pamphlets at us.
Guest:Like, little kids, and my mom, like, got in the door and was like, you fucking cunt, and, like, called her, like, and was like, you do not throw water on my kids, you cunt, you stupid fucking Christian cunt, and, like, all this stuff.
Guest:And we were like, whoa, that's, like, what made us start crying?
Guest:Like, we were like, oh, what's mom doing?
Guest:That's scary.
Guest:She's like, you fucking bitch.
Guest:Just before his cell phone, she went to a neighbor and was like, that dumb bitch next door to do water on my kids' car.
Guest:And she called the cops.
Guest:It was fucking...
Guest:Oh, man, it was great.
Guest:Did she do that at every place you stopped?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:She's like, was she a cunt?
Guest:No, she was really nice, Mom.
Come on.
Guest:Fuck.
Guest:Was she a cunt?
Guest:You look like a cunt.
Guest:Sorry.
Guest:Sorry, everyone.
Guest:Sorry.
Guest:Sorry.
Marc:No, it's no easy task to get that many cunts out and get that many laughs.
Marc:Cunt is usually a laugh killer, but that was fucking beautiful.
Marc:That is true, right, Fred?
Guest:Yeah, that's right.
Guest:We try to throw cunt into every sketch.
Guest:We try.
Guest:Have we succeeded?
Guest:No.
Guest:Nah, man.
Guest:They won't let us do it, man.
Guest:You guys seem so well-adjusted.
Guest:When I was a kid, the mythic SNL thing was like, that place is fucked up.
Guest:It's nothing but crazy over there.
Guest:Not anymore?
It's...
Guest:Sweet.
Guest:It's very sweet.
Marc:Yeah, everybody's really nice.
Guest:Wait a minute.
Marc:Wait, that seemed like a talking point.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, I mean, it's just like... Tell them it's sweet.
Guest:No, it's just very... No, it is.
Guest:It's very nice.
Guest:Like, people come and they want to, like, sometimes hosts come or bands and they're, like, ready to party and stuff.
Guest:Yeah, it's quiet time.
Guest:Yeah, it's all quiet time.
Guest:There's mats on the floor.
Guest:We're taking naps.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How often do you have to deal with Lorne?
Guest:Every day?
Guest:All the time.
Guest:He's awesome.
Guest:He's very hands-on.
Marc:Can I share with you how paranoid I am?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You know, I had one meeting with him.
Guest:When?
Marc:Like, 95 or something.
Marc:And it didn't go well.
Marc:And, like, I think he brought me in was when Luna was starting downtown.
Marc:And, like, the first thing he said to me was, like, I don't know what you think you're doing down there below 14th Street, but it doesn't matter.
LAUGHTER
Guest:It didn't matter, did it?
Guest:No, it didn't matter at all.
Marc:But this is how fucking nuts I am and how self-important I am.
Marc:The Wall Street Journal wrote up this show and I told the interviewer who was asking me about Luna and that you guys were coming on and I told him about the SNL story and I told him that story because he was asking me about alternative comedy and I called him back.
Marc:And I said, look, could you pull the Lorne thing out?
Marc:Because I don't want him to see it and then keep Fred and Bill late.
Marc:I thought Lorne Michaels was going to see that story and say, you guys aren't going...
Guest:You're not going to the fabled WTM.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:That's crazy.
Guest:That's a good move, though.
Guest:That is a good move.
Guest:He did the right thing.
Guest:He did the right thing.
Guest:No, yeah.
Guest:It makes you feel any better.
Guest:Everybody at the show listens.
Guest:I mean, it's like,
Guest:Everybody's huge, huge, huge fans of you at the show.
Guest:Oh, thanks, man.
Guest:Brian Tucker talks about you all the time.
Guest:John Mulaney.
Guest:John Mulaney comes in every day like, did you hear it?
Marc:It was crazy.
Marc:My friend Al Madrigal, who's a very funny man, I called him and said you were going to be on.
Marc:He goes, oh, shit, dude.
Marc:Tell him to do Alda.
Marc:He does the best fucking Alda.
Guest:Oh, that's funny.
Marc:And I hate to be that guy to tell you to do it, but would you do it?
Guest:Do you have to find it?
Guest:I have to find it.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:We did Alan Alda and the Back to the Future auditioning for Biff.
Guest:He's like, I... Hey, why don't... You know, this is great.
Guest:You know, like...
Guest:Hey, why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
Guest:That is a great line, by the way.
Guest:That is really... There's my own audio.
Guest:There you go.
Guest:That's one of those ones you do it on the live show and it's like met... It's met with the silence.
Guest:Because people don't know who he is?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:People go like... Oh, that's ridiculous.
Guest:But then... But, yeah.
Guest:But I like... Like, that's one.
Guest:Like, Lauren loves that one.
Guest:Oh, I bet.
Guest:He loves that one.
Guest:That's his favorite.
Guest:What other ones does Lauren love?
Guest:I'm fascinated with this fucking guy.
Guest:What does Lauren like doing?
Guest:What does Lauren like do?
Guest:What are impressions and stuff, Lauren?
Marc:What does Lauren make you do?
Guest:Make us do?
Marc:No, doesn't he ever say, like... He also told me comedians are like monkeys.
Marc:He also said that.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Dude, you don't know that story?
Guest:He's never made us.
Guest:He's never, like, made us.
Guest:He'll say, like, he'll order stuff up.
Guest:Yeah, but he's not like... What do you mean, like, to a secondary person?
Guest:He'll come up and be like, it'd be great if I can get his stuff on this week.
Guest:And you go, okay, sure, I need that.
Guest:Or he'll say... Or he'll say, you know, something to you.
Thank you.
Guest:All right, all right, all right, all right.
Guest:That did seem like I was totally teeing myself up.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:I was not trying to tee myself up.
Guest:But they'll order some stuff up, but they don't... He doesn't just have you come in and go, do the thing.
Guest:No, it's just like... Monkey.
Guest:Yeah, they'll order stuff up every once in a while, but not really.
Guest:I mean, there's certain things he'll laugh really hard at
Guest:anytime Will Forte would get angry in a sketch, Lauren would start laughing really hard.
Guest:And Will's face would get red and be like, what the fuck are you doing?
Guest:That was like Lauren's sweet spot.
Guest:Lauren would just start laughing and
Guest:You would see it on the horizon.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:But does that make everybody feel good?
Marc:Like, does Will come back and go, I fucking made the king laugh?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Or you do hear that sometimes.
Guest:You go back to the office and be like, Lorne was laughing.
Guest:Yeah, that's a point.
Guest:That's a point.
Guest:I have to read through it.
Guest:Or you're doing something, you look up, and he's not laughing, and you're like, oh, no.
Guest:He's thinking about how great it is.
Guest:That's what's happening.
Guest:You're so positive, right?
Marc:Has he ever given you any weird notes that just made you go, oh, okay.
Guest:Sometimes you have to think, what does he mean by that?
Guest:It's that kind of thing.
Guest:They're always constructed.
Guest:He'll do weird psych out thing.
Guest:Not weird psych, but I think he's being honest, but it becomes a psych.
Guest:Like the very first Vincent Price we did, I came up and he was like, it was a band's playing.
Guest:I'm dressed as Vincent Price.
Guest:I'm standing there.
Guest:I'm like really nervous.
Guest:I'm kind of, it's like my fifth show or something.
Guest:And he came up to me.
Guest:He's like, I like this, but why now?
Guest:Was this, was this?
Guest:And I was like, why didn't you just say I'm about to go alive?
Guest:And he's like, no, no, it's good.
Guest:I like it.
I mean...
Guest:When was that?
Guest:Was that during the live show?
Guest:That was a live show, yeah, right before the live show.
Guest:He's like, why now?
Guest:Why are we doing this?
Guest:And it's true.
Guest:It's like, I'm like, I don't know why we're doing this.
Guest:So if you watch that first one, Evil and Gory, I full-on trip up on my first line.
Guest:I'm like, hello, I'm Vince.
Guest:Because you were thinking, why am I doing this?
Guest:I was like, why did that just happen?
Guest:Why am I doing this?
Guest:I'm so not making it on the show right now.
Marc:What's a favorite one you do?
Marc:What do you get the most satisfaction out of doing?
Guest:Your character?
Guest:Which character?
Marc:Which one do you look forward to?
Guest:I like doing Stefan, and I like doing Herb.
Guest:This guy, Herb Welch, is a new one.
Guest:He's like this old reporter who keeps hitting people in the face with his microphone.
Guest:And I remember the first time we did that, I was...
Guest:petrified because I had to hit Anne Hathaway a bunch in the face with the microphone.
Guest:I was like, she's the host.
Guest:And I was like, you know, and it was dress rehearsal.
Guest:And I was like, microphone.
Guest:And, uh, and I, and I didn't know if it worked or not.
Guest:And I came out and, um, I used a name dropping.
Guest:I'm totally, but, uh, Chris Rock was, was there and I saw him and I was like, Hey, and, and he goes, don't worry.
Guest:That was great.
Guest:If that, if hitting people in the face doesn't work, we're all fucked.
Marc:Bill Hader, ladies and gentlemen, Fred Armisen.
Marc:Eric Drysdale, Chuck Klosterman, Sarah Vowell.
Marc:Thank you for coming out for Live WTF.
Marc:Very excited and nervous about the next guest.
Marc:She was on SNL.
Marc:She's hilarious.
Marc:You all know her.
Marc:I cannot even go through all her credits.
Marc:Please welcome Molly Shannon.
Marc:Yeah.
Yeah.
Marc:Yeah!
Marc:Look it!
Marc:Oh, you brought your purse?
Marc:You didn't want to leave it back there with Neil Hamburger?
Marc:I could see why you would bring your purse.
Marc:Looking at him makes me uncomfortable.
Marc:If I had a purse, I wouldn't leave it back there.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:You look lovely.
Guest:Thank you, Mark.
Guest:I'm so happy to be here.
Guest:I'm really excited to be on your show.
Marc:It's very exciting that you're here, because I think you're fucking hilarious.
Guest:Oh, thank you.
Marc:But you know what's interesting?
Marc:It's like you're fucking hilarious, but you can also do real acting.
Guest:oh thank you thank you yeah well i actually yeah i've never done stand-up or anything but uh yeah it was more and i went to drama school i was just a regular actress yeah so i kind of got into comedy just by accident i was a very serious dramatic actress really yeah and and was the funny thing a surprise were you in the middle of something dramatic and you did something hilarious and you're like fuck this
Guest:It was like regular drama school, and it was always like doing sense memory and all this stuff, like recalling your grandmother's death and very serious.
Guest:And then they had a comedy show that they were having auditions for.
Guest:And so I just auditioned for that.
Guest:And they had us do this little exercise where you could just come through the door and introduce yourself and make up a character.
Guest:And I was like, I like this.
Guest:You didn't have to think about previous memories.
Guest:And it just felt really natural to me.
Marc:So the whole crying thing on purpose, can you do that?
Guest:Can I do that?
Guest:You mean right now?
Marc:Can we work towards that?
Marc:That's never happened before.
Marc:That'd be a first on WTF.
Guest:Can you make yourself cry?
Marc:Yeah, maybe.
Marc:I can't say.
Guest:I bet you could.
Marc:It's always just right here.
Marc:Just between my heart and my throat, there's tears waiting to happen.
Marc:They usually happen inappropriately, like in the middle of a speech at Montreal.
Marc:That was bad.
Marc:And I just gave a speech for the industry, and I got choked up, and it was one of the most powerful moments of my life because I was like, two things could happen here.
Marc:You could continue crying.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Or you could finish a speech.
Marc:I opted for finishing the speech because I don't know if it would have gone over as well if I just continued crying.
Marc:Why are we talking about this?
Marc:No, I cry at commercials and I cry a lot when I watch Chopped.
Marc:When I watch...
Marc:Do you ever watch Chopped?
Guest:No, what is that?
Marc:It's on the Food Network.
Marc:It's spectacular.
Marc:They take these chefs, and they're at different levels of chefdom, and they bring four of them out, and they give them baskets, and they have to create a full meal, one basket at a time, but the basket always has things in it like duck liver, cottage cheese, a head, and an apple.
Marc:So when they do it and they pull it off and they get really emotional because they just made that work, I choke up.
Marc:What, Andy?
Marc:It's real.
Marc:It was a moving rendition of it.
Marc:But Molly, I love talking about, I don't want to go too far back, but I love talking about Lorne Michaels because I'm just waiting for somebody to tell me something slightly odd about him.
Guest:I know I've listened to you in the interviews.
Guest:You'd like to ask about him.
Marc:I want to interview him so bad.
Marc:You do?
Guest:He'd be great.
Guest:He's actually a great interviewer.
Marc:I'm sure he'd love to talk.
Marc:I just need closure, man.
Guest:Okay, so what do you need closure about?
Guest:So just tell me, why do you need closure?
Guest:Why'd he hurt me?
Guest:But what do you care now?
Guest:I don't.
Guest:Look at you.
Guest:You're doing so great.
Marc:I just want to hear that from him.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:He gets that from a lot of people.
Marc:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah, he has like a father.
Guest:You know, I think a lot of people need him that way.
Marc:But for me, he's like the father that left me and abandoned me after saying that he brought me into a room and says, oh, it might be your father.
Marc:But no.
Marc:And that was it.
Guest:Oh, I'm sorry, Mark.
Marc:It's okay.
Marc:I'm not going to cry.
Marc:But was he a good father to you?
Guest:He was a good father.
Guest:Yes, he was.
Guest:I didn't need him that way because I felt like I saw so many people who would just be like, you know, perform and then they'd be like, what is he doing?
Guest:Is he going to say something to me?
Guest:And I felt like I didn't want to need that from him.
Guest:Like I wanted to be my own judge and decide if I did a good job and not need that from him.
Guest:So I think he liked that.
Guest:So we had a good relationship.
Marc:Well, what about on set?
Marc:Did he fuck with your head?
Guest:No.
Guest:Never?
Never.
Marc:Are you sure?
Guest:Let me just see here.
Guest:Honestly, he's very, I found him to be very fair.
Guest:He would always put on what was funny.
Guest:Sometimes he would be, he would give notes like, Molly, we don't need your wig to be the co-star in this sketch.
Guest:You know, he'd say stuff like that.
Guest:You know, or, yeah, but it was more funny.
Guest:funny.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I really had a great relationship with him.
Marc:Is it possible that almost every cast member of SNL has some sort of Stockholm Syndrome around this figure?
Marc:He cut that sketch.
Marc:He cut that sketch.
Marc:That means that the hostage starts to identify.
Guest:Oh, I know all about it.
Marc:I like to call it marriage.
Guest:We both change roles.
Marc:I play hostage and then I put that on her.
Marc:But they don't usually choose.
Marc:I decide who's hostage and who's the person holding the hostage.
Marc:I can go either way.
Marc:How long have you been married?
Guest:I've been married for...
Guest:Since 2004.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:And you have children?
Guest:To a great husband.
Guest:I have two kids.
Guest:I have a little... Yes.
Guest:And he's a big fan of your show.
Guest:Oh, I like him.
Guest:He's an artist.
Guest:He's a painter.
Marc:Oh, I love painters.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:That takes a lot of perseverance.
Guest:I know.
Guest:Now... I don't mean... Yeah.
Marc:Is he great?
Yeah.
Guest:He is very talented.
Guest:What else are you going to say?
Guest:Yeah, no.
Guest:He's very, very talented, and he's funny, and he's a really good father, and I feel really lucky.
Marc:But painting, I mean, that's like, I'm so impressed with people that can paint.
Marc:I know.
Marc:Because he's been a painter for how long?
Guest:He's been doing it all his life.
Guest:He started when he was really... Well, he used to draw when he was little, and then I think he got into painting in maybe high school, but probably a little bit before that too, but then went to art school.
Guest:Big canvases?
Guest:Yeah, big canvases.
Guest:Really?
Marc:A lot of color?
Guest:Yes, lots of color.
Marc:And you look at them and you say, holy shit, it's finished.
Yeah.
Guest:Well, it's interesting because it's so different.
Guest:Yeah, I think it's so different than showbiz where it's so collaborative.
Guest:There's so many people.
Guest:It's just him, and that's it.
Guest:It's over when it's done.
Guest:It's all him, and so it's very different that way.
Marc:So he paints at the house like he's got a studio?
Guest:He has a studio, and we used to live in New York, so he did shows there.
Guest:He showed at Bellwether, and now he's doing shows here, and he curates shows.
Marc:Holy fuck, that's like the real world of art.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Guest:It's a whole different world, and I didn't know that much about it before I met him, so it's a fun world to be in and learn about.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You went to Catholic school for real?
Guest:I did, yeah, for eight years.
Marc:Did that fuck you up bad?
Guest:Well, it was very... Let me see.
Guest:I was raised by my dad from the time I was really little.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:We were in a really bad car accident when I was really little.
Guest:I was four and my dad was driving and my mom was killed and my little sister was three and my cousin.
Guest:So it was very hard on my dad.
Guest:He had to recover.
Guest:He was very badly injured.
Guest:So we went to live with my aunt.
Guest:So it was very complicated.
Guest:It was a lot of sadness from a very young age.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But then also my dad was like a real survivor.
Guest:He drank when we were little, but then he got into recovery.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:I think it was that generation of, you know, he was very Catholic, but repressed in a lot of ways, so there was some sadness with that.
Guest:But he was also really charismatic and fun and would do anything, and he was real wild.
Guest:Like what?
Marc:Oh, God.
Marc:That was such a great buildup.
Marc:Like, we're going to go on the roller coaster with no seatbelts.
Guest:We would do crazy stuff.
Guest:Like, we would go to the airport, and we'd be like, let's take a mystery trip.
Guest:And we would have no suitcases or anything.
Guest:And it was when they had those airlines where you could pay right on the airplane.
Marc:Do you remember that?
Guest:People's Express?
Marc:You didn't have to even fly under your name in the old days.
Guest:Anybody's name.
Guest:So we would go to the airport, pick a city, and just fly to the city, and then borrow clothes when we got there, or buy clothes, like crazy stuff.
Guest:And my dad would call in sick for me to school, like very expensive, crazy.
Marc:Sounds like a great father.
Marc:Come on, fuck school, we're going on an airplane.
Guest:He had depression, and I think he would also could be really, he'd go up and down.
Marc:Sure, that's exciting.
Guest:So I think he had fun.
Marc:I have one of those.
Marc:It's very exciting.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Like you literally went to cities, and you just not, you didn't have clothes, so you'd buy clothes.
Guest:Yeah, I'd borrow a bathing suit from the woman that worked behind the counter, and you know, like crazy, crazy stuff like that.
Guest:And then I hopped a plane when I was 12.
Guest:We told my dad, me and my friend, and we're like, we're going to hop a plane to New York.
Guest:And he was like, he dared us.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How old were you?
Guest:We were like 12.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:That's good.
Guest:We went to the airport and we had ballet outfits on and we put our hair in buns and we wanted to look really innocent.
Guest:And this was, again, when flying was really easy, you didn't need your ticket to get through.
Marc:Apparently you didn't need an adult either.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And we told my dad and we were just like, we saw there were two flights.
Guest:We were either going to go to San Francisco or New York.
Guest:And we thought, oh, let's go to New York.
Guest:It's leaving early.
Guest:So we went.
Guest:We said to the stewardess, we just want to say goodbye to my sister.
Guest:Can we go on the plane?
Guest:And she was like, sure.
Guest:And then she let us on.
Guest:And it was a really empty flight because it was out of Cleveland, Ohio.
Guest:And we sat back there.
Guest:And then all of a sudden you just hear like, the plane takes off.
Guest:We were like...
Guest:And we had like little ballet outfits and buns.
Guest:And I was like, hail Mary, full of grace.
Guest:And then the stewardess that had given us permission to go say goodbye to my sister came by to ask if we wanted snacks or beverages.
Guest:And she was like, can I get you ladies something to eat?
Guest:She looked like she was like, oh no.
Guest:motherfucker.
Guest:You know, so she, so we wondered if we were going to get in trouble, but she ended up not telling anyone.
Guest:And then when we landed in New York City, she was like, bye ladies.
Guest:Have a nice trip.
Marc:It's such an exciting story, but the irresponsibility of all the adults in this story is somehow undermining my appreciation of it.
Marc:You were 12-year-old girls in fucking ballet outfits, and everybody's sort of like, have a good time.
Marc:What world was that?
Guest:It was a crazy world.
Marc:What did you do in New York?
Marc:And now you can say, we got drunk, and we went to a...
Guest:Well, again, because I had a crazy childhood, we called my dad.
Guest:We were like, we did it.
Guest:And he was like, oh, dad, Molly.
Guest:Oh, geez, we'll try to.
Guest:So basically, he couldn't say.
Guest:Try to what?
Guest:He didn't know what to do.
Guest:He said, try to see if you could stay.
Guest:Go find a hotel that you could stay in.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Me and Mary, my sister, will come meet you.
Guest:We'll drive there.
Guest:So basically, we were like, all right, we'll try to find a hotel.
Guest:But he was kind of excited because he liked crazy stuff.
Guest:But basically, we didn't have that much.
Guest:We just had our ballet bags and a little bit of cash, so we went to a diner, and we dined in Dash, and we stole things.
Guest:We were like little con artists.
Marc:Wait, did you actually make it to the city?
Guest:We made it to the city.
Guest:We just asked people.
Guest:I was like, how do you get to Rockefeller Center?
Guest:Because I'd just seen TV.
Marc:And you're still in your ballet outfit.
Guest:Ballet outfit, yeah.
Marc:Nobody said, are you girls lost?
Marc:Nothing like that?
Guest:No, nothing.
Guest:They went to a bar, and they got to drink up, ladies.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:So we did try to go to hotels and my dad would call and ask, could they just stay there until we get there?
Guest:And none of the hotels wanted to be responsible.
Guest:Oh my God.
Guest:So he was like, he was like, oh, you got to come home.
Guest:And he was like, but I'm not paying for it.
Guest:So try to hop on one on the way back.
Guest:So we tried to hop on many planes, but the flights were all so crowded.
Guest:So we ended up having to have him pay for it, and he made us pay it all back with our babysitting money.
Marc:So that was the big punishment?
Guest:Yeah, there was no punishment.
Guest:punishment no i know i mean clearly was there any sort of like oh you survived i was just testing you he loved that kind of stuff like i said he was wild he used to in his drinking days he would you know go to bars and if somebody didn't let him in he'd be like damn it you know he'd go go into the bar and knock all the glasses down he was like a kind of guy who could maybe get arrested like it was crazy
Marc:I love the sort of strange nostalgic excitement you have for this borderline child abuse.
Guest:Yeah, it was complicated.
Marc:Oh, now you're going to say that?
Marc:Yeah, there's just one story that's complicated.
Guest:But he was also a very loving parent.
Guest:I think it's complicated.
Guest:He was also really supportive and kind of made me feel like I could do anything.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so in that way, it felt really free and wild.
Guest:But then in other ways, I had to learn the rules of how regular people live.
Guest:From other people, I'm taking it.
Guest:Yeah, from other people.
Guest:Like professionals.
Guest:Like people you pay.
Guest:You know what I mean.
Marc:I do know what you mean.
Marc:I have them in my life.
Guest:A man or a woman.
Marc:I talked to Richard Lewis for an hour and a half, and I think that covered me for about three years.
LAUGHTER
Marc:I talk to comedians.
Marc:That's what I do.
Marc:That's how I get help.
Marc:It works pretty well.
Marc:I'm about to talk about myself again.
Guest:I love hearing about your childhood.
Marc:My parents would leave me at home to get away.
Marc:They'd send me to camp and stuff.
Marc:It took me a long time to realize that was just to get us out of the house.
Marc:Did you go to camp?
No.
Marc:You didn't have to.
Guest:You just went wherever the fuck you wanted to.
Guest:I went to a Catholic campus once.
Guest:Yeah, I could do whatever.
Marc:What is the Catholic thing, man?
Marc:Does it propel you to be bad?
Marc:Like when you're Catholic, it seems like... Does it make you want to be dirty and filthy?
Guest:That's a good question.
Guest:We're all Jews here.
Guest:I thought it was really weird having to...
Guest:be a girl and go to, we would have to go tell our sins to a priest, to confession.
Guest:And I remember, and then we had to do face-to-face confessions.
Guest:And I just thought that was so weird.
Guest:So I would go in and say like, you know, I masturbated.
Guest:But I thought, I didn't really feel bad about it.
Guest:But then I kept going back to the same one.
Guest:I was like, Father, forgive me for this.
Guest:And I masturbated again.
Guest:And it was just kind of.
Guest:Like the same day?
Guest:Like I thought, this is so, maybe.
Guest:But I thought,
Marc:You just go into the back of the church and do it and come back like, I'm back.
Marc:I did it right over there.
Marc:How does that make you feel, father?
Marc:Father?
Guest:Yeah, so in that way, it does make you want to be bad.
Guest:Because I was like, I like the whole thing of having to go tell this man that I masturbated.
Guest:I didn't think it was really bad, but I like having to go confess it and hear what he would say.
Guest:What did he say?
Guest:he was like, oh, that's very bad.
Guest:Can't do that.
Guest:You've got to say five earth fathers, five Hail Marys, and don't do that anymore.
Guest:And I'm just like, crazy.
Marc:And then when you came back, was he like, here we go again?
Marc:No bad priests?
Marc:I'm sorry, it's just out there in the world.
Guest:Yeah, I know.
Guest:No.
Guest:Nothing that I knew about in our school.
Marc:Oh, good.
Marc:Well, that's good.
Marc:Well, it's a pleasure talking to you.
Marc:Molly Shannon, ladies and gentlemen.
Yay!
Marc:That was one of the greatest stories ever told.
Marc:Please welcome to the stage, Dave Cross and Bob Odenkirk.
Marc:No, you don't sit on this side, Bob.
Marc:You sit, we can...
Marc:Yeah, if you could all sit as far away from me as possible, that would be great.
Guest:Okay, seems kind of rude to the cupcakes.
Guest:Yeah, have a cupcake.
Guest:Have anything you want here.
Guest:I've smoked salmon.
Guest:I'm vegan.
Guest:You are not.
Guest:I just said that because of what you said before.
Guest:Hang on.
Guest:Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Guest:Hello.
Guest:Hey, how's it going?
Guest:Hey, what's up, everybody?
Guest:I'm good.
Marc:Hey, how's it going?
Marc:Anyone you want, Dave.
Guest:This one sounds funnier.
Okay.
Marc:Before we get into anything, I would like to share a moment that was one of the best moments that I've had recently, and I'm sure it's going to be one of those things that I bring up with you, Dave, and you're going to go, I don't know why.
Marc:Yesterday?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, remember you came, and then the woman at the festival said, are you going to do any stand-up?
Marc:And you're like, no, I'm not going to.
Marc:I don't want to do any stand-up.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And then we go up in the elevator together.
Marc:We have some, you know, weird time just talking.
Guest:That's all in your head.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:No, it wasn't weird.
Marc:We were just talking, right?
Guest:It wasn't weird, yeah.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And then, like, it was this amazing transition.
Marc:He's getting off the elevator, and he's like, oh, I got to tell you about this.
Marc:There was one of those dogs, you know, an assistant dog at the airport.
Marc:But your face lit up.
Marc:I mean, you were thrilled to be sharing the experience.
Marc:And you were like, it just had diarrhea.
Marc:Right.
Marc:All over everything.
Marc:And the look on your face, it just made me say, are you sure you don't want to do a set tonight?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What happened with that?
Guest:With the dogs?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:A guy had one of those guide dogs, and they have the red-orange vest on, so you know that it's allowed in the airport, allowed on a plane.
Guest:And the guy was walking.
Guest:He wasn't blind, but he had some problem that he needed the dog for.
Guest:And the dog... I mean, it's... You know, the poor dog.
Guest:It's at the gate, and it just fucking... Like, exploded.
Guest:20% of the dog exploded.
Guest:And...
Guest:And, you know, I have a dog, and you know that thing where the dog goes, I can't, and he's trying to do it, and it just stops.
Guest:And then it's like...
Guest:You know, it is one of those things where... I mean, a dog shitting in the park isn't funny, but a dog shitting at the gate at the airport where everybody's going, oh, man!
Guest:And it stunk, and the airport people weren't very friendly with them.
Guest:And it's a bummer.
Guest:They have high-stress jobs, but...
Guest:It's not his fault.
Guest:It's not the dog's fault.
Guest:It happens.
Guest:It's the diarrhea's fault.
Guest:He shouldn't have had all that diarrhea.
Guest:That's what happens when you feed your dog diarrhea.
Guest:Nice job.
Guest:It was funny and awful and embarrassing.
Guest:You're embarrassed for the guy, and they made him clean it up.
Guest:They made him clean it up?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They were angry with him, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, and they made him put the dog down there in front of him.
Guest:With his hands.
Guest:They made him strangled.
Guest:It was like I Am Legend.
Guest:Boom.
Boom.
Marc:And then the guy, he could never get out of the airport because he needed the dog's help.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:He's still there.
Guest:He's still there.
Guest:It was really... He's calling right now for his dog.
Guest:Diarrhea.
Guest:Where are you?
Guest:Diarrhea.
Guest:It was just, it was a bummer and it...
Guest:I think if you didn't have the smell aspect to it, it really did bump people up.
Guest:People were like, oh man, and it stunk, he had to stay there.
Guest:And it really did fill up the area.
Guest:But also it's comical when, as I said before, in that setting when a dog is taking a shit.
Guest:Normally it's not funny.
Guest:You don't look at a dog taking a shit going, oh man, I'll always laugh at that.
Guest:But in an airport where it just puts on the brakes and the guy's, what are you doing?
Guest:Come on.
Guest:Come on, nightmare.
Guest:Let's go.
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:I'm so glad you did that.
Marc:That was so fucking great.
Marc:How often do you guys get together?
Marc:Seriously.
Marc:I mean, is this like when this happened where you're like, oh, man, do we have to pull out our pencils again and write things down?
Guest:That's why we stopped.
Guest:That's how long we've been working together.
Guest:We started with pencils back in the 30s.
Marc:And a manual typewriter.
Guest:No, it's been... It's weird.
Guest:It doesn't... It's like every four years or so, it seems.
Guest:We work together all the time.
Guest:We talk all the time and stuff.
Right.
Guest:But I guess we don't work together that much.
Guest:But as far as doing what we're doing tomorrow, we don't do that often.
Guest:Yeah, right.
Guest:So it's been years.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:When was the last time?
Guest:I think Chicago, right?
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Well, that was like two years ago we did a show in Chicago, right?
Guest:Oh, it was longer than that.
Guest:It was longer than that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Whatever.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Do you have fun?
Guest:Are you having fun?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:We have a great time.
Guest:We did a show for HBO.
Guest:We did a pilot for HBO like three years ago.
Guest:What was that?
Guest:It was called David's Situation, and David played himself in a... We had the set from Everybody Loves Raymond.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he lived there, not in the set, but in a house, a suburban house, with a hippie and a tea party guy.
Guest:And then it had, like, stand-up in it.
Guest:Like, he did stand-up in it.
Guest:And there's, like, this little kid neighbor who he watched and took care of and talked to about life.
Guest:Very sitcom trope, you know.
Guest:Yeah, and it was really fun.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Who did I play?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I played a child molester.
Guest:And I got there and I swear to God, they were like, what happened to the weight?
Guest:You were our fat guy.
Guest:What'd you do?
Guest:So I wore a fat suit.
Guest:I swear to God, I played a child molester.
Marc:In a fat suit?
Guest:Yeah, and I showed up with condoms.
Guest:Right?
Guest:And a hamburger.
Guest:And a hamburger.
Marc:Oh, I have no idea why this didn't go.
Guest:It was really funny.
Marc:But was the conceit that it was actually at the Raymond House, or you just took advantage of the set?
Guest:No, but it was the Raymond House.
Guest:I mean, you could tell, because it's the same thing.
Guest:You know what was really funny?
Guest:It played really well.
Guest:The audience loved it.
Guest:And then we were just talking about it backstage.
Guest:When you watched it, you know, on tape or whatever, cut together...
Guest:It was just kind of flat.
Guest:It felt like it didn't have the energy that it had.
Guest:And I think it was just a matter of like... Like when David did stand-up and you were there that night, you could tell he was just talking to you.
Guest:He walked off the set and all.
Guest:And even though you could see that on the final product, you could see that he walked off the set and was talking to the audience, it feels canned right away.
Guest:It doesn't feel like...
Guest:It just didn't translate.
Marc:Well, that sitcom set sucks the fucking laughter out of everything.
Guest:It does.
Guest:It's weird.
Guest:We tried so many different ways to cut it together, too, because we all walked out of there, I mean, HBO ourselves, like, oh, my God, this is going to be great.
Guest:It's amazing.
Guest:And it just didn't translate.
Guest:We got the first cut, which is always rough, always.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:And, I mean, there was nothing there.
Guest:And then Bob and I went in and we tried all these different ways.
Guest:Well, what if we cut out the opening?
Guest:What if we include the part where you're talking to the audience before that wasn't meant to be on there about what to watch?
Guest:Or what if we take this out?
Guest:What if we move this out?
Guest:It just never worked.
Guest:It just felt flat?
Guest:Yeah, kind of flat.
Guest:And it didn't have that energy.
Guest:But one of the other things is...
Guest:I was there, but I wasn't in the show.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So when David and I said hi at the beginning and at the end, the audience went crazy and had so much energy, and then it was like, maybe it felt a little like, well, what are you fucking standing over there?
Guest:Get it?
Guest:Run to the camera.
Guest:Do the show.
Guest:Not me not being in it might have been just like it didn't feel like energetic.
Guest:Well, I think you're flattering yourself, but I'm not sure that that's me.
Guest:This is my partner.
Marc:This is my friend here.
Guest:Well, that's a good... I'm going to eat these six-cup cans.
Guest:Do it.
Marc:Eat them all.
Marc:I offered one to your daughter, and she was like, no.
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It didn't work.
Guest:But we had fun.
Marc:But, like, the whole dynamic between you two, because I've interviewed you both, and I've never really hung out too much with the two of you together, but the whole dynamic with the two of you, how did that fucking start?
Marc:Because, like, I know you both wrote on Stiller, but it was one of those things you couldn't have liked each other.
Guest:The first meeting was awesome.
Guest:The first meeting was awesome.
Guest:Should I tell it, or do you... Yeah, yeah, no.
Guest:It's kind of better if you tell it.
What?
Guest:No, I like hearing it because you know both.
Guest:So I knew Janine Garofalo, and she was a friend.
Guest:And I lived in a kind of crappy little house out in L.A.
Guest:after writing for SNL.
Guest:And this is... I do remember this.
Guest:I was...
Guest:Sitting there in my front room and watching TV, and I had a sandwich.
Guest:I'd made this sandwich.
Guest:And I like to eat.
Guest:That was one of your top ten sandwiches, let's be honest.
Guest:David, I... At the time.
Guest:Please keep that in mind.
Guest:Please keep that in mind.
Guest:I know.
Guest:It's a particularly good sandwich.
Guest:I end up defending you a lot in this story.
Guest:And no, the sandwich doesn't get its due diligence.
Guest:No, it was an awesome sandwich.
Guest:And there was a knock on my door.
Guest:And I said, open it.
Guest:And the door opened.
Guest:And there was Janine Garofalo outside the screen.
Guest:And there was a young fellow I didn't know.
Guest:With a basketball.
Guest:With a basketball.
Guest:But a grown man.
Guest:Let me just interject one thing.
Guest:Because from my side, I was in L.A.
Guest:I was kind of bored.
Guest:I was a little...
Guest:I was intimidated by it, and I didn't know what to do, and I wanted to play basketball, and Janine's like, oh, I've got a friend, this guy I was telling you about, he's really funny, he's a really great guy, Bob Odenkirk, you're going to love him, but he plays basketball, I'm sure he'll want to play basketball with you.
Guest:Cool, so that's it.
Guest:So I'm in with my basketball.
Yeah.
Guest:So they are at the door.
Guest:And I'm not 12.
Guest:I'm in my late 20s at this point, I think, or early 30s.
Guest:And I see her, and I see this guy, and she goes, Hey, Bob.
Guest:Hey, Janine.
Guest:Hey, my friend David's here from Boston.
Guest:You know, I know he played basketball.
Guest:He wants to play.
Guest:Do you guys want to play?
Guest:And I go, nah, I'm going to eat lunch.
Guest:But also your back was to us.
Guest:You were in a chair.
Guest:I remember it very well.
Guest:The TV was over here, and you were over there.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:No, I'm going to eat lunch.
Guest:Didn't even get out of the chair.
Guest:Hey, Jeannie.
Guest:Hey.
Guest:No, no.
Guest:Like through a screen door.
Guest:Did you walk to my house from Janine's?
Guest:Yeah, it was only a couple blocks.
Guest:Still, that's a walk.
Guest:So you were standing out there?
Guest:That was the first meeting.
Guest:You left, though?
Guest:Yeah, I left.
Marc:What am I supposed to do?
Guest:You were supposed to say, come on!
Guest:No, they walked away.
Guest:I mean, I shut people down pretty good.
Marc:I'm pretty good at that.
Marc:Get out of the chair.
Guest:So there you go.
Guest:So then, okay.
Guest:So then, what was it, like six months later, a year later, you got hired as a writer at the Stiller show.
Guest:And then, you know, David came later to the show.
Guest:We'd been writing for months and even shot the show.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, you guys were in the middle of it.
Marc:So who was on that crew?
Marc:Huh?
Marc:On the show with you.
Guest:Who was the writer?
Guest:Everybody.
Guest:It was you.
Guest:Well, Jeff Kahn, Rob Cohen.
Guest:Judd Apatow was the producer.
Guest:Dino Stamatopoulos.
Guest:Brent Forrester.
Guest:Brent Forrester, great writer.
Guest:And we had a great time.
Guest:That show was a lot of fun.
Guest:So Dave was like a new guy.
Guest:Yeah, he was like a new guy.
Guest:Janine's friend who's going to write.
Guest:He came in.
Guest:And he wanted to fit in, right?
Guest:So he wanted to do, you know,
Guest:David usually doesn't care about pleasing anyone, but I think in this case he was like, oh my God, I got a fucking job.
Guest:It was really intimidating.
Guest:I'd never been, it was really, really, and it was thrown into the fire too.
Guest:I'd never written on TV.
Guest:I was in Boston.
Guest:I was at the place that John's describing 48 hours before getting there.
Guest:I was at a loft space.
Guest:Doing four foot bongs.
Guest:Yeah, and, you know, morphine's playing, and, you know, it's three in the morning, and everybody's getting fucked up, and I'm doing pure comedy in my head.
Guest:Like, fuck TV, man.
Guest:Hollywood's bullshit.
Guest:But also living in this roach-infested apartment with no heat.
Marc:Yeah, sometimes.
Guest:Where we put the oven on.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, all four burners, yeah.
Guest:And, you know, I was like, I got this opportunity to go write on The Ben Stiller Show, and I wasn't a huge...
Guest:I wasn't a big parody fan.
Guest:And it was really intimidating.
Guest:So what was the thing?
Guest:You wrote a piece they asked you to write, and then I kind of... You made me write it.
Guest:No.
Guest:We didn't.
Guest:No, here's what we did.
Guest:Here was my first thing.
Guest:I'd probably been there for about two days at this point.
Guest:And really, not just trying to fit in with all these new people who were, as Bob said, in the middle of it.
Guest:At that point, they were shooting already and producing.
Guest:And it's a machine, and it's going.
Guest:And I don't know how TV works.
Guest:I don't know anything about Hollywood.
Guest:I have my own stupid kind of, you know, beef.
Guest:anarchist fucking bike messenger fuck this bullshit you know but stupid in my head which I look back on it's embarrassing it's humiliating but that's where I was and and and then we had a meeting because Ben wanted to do a take off on a few good men because he had a Tom Cruise obsession and he wanted to do anything he just wanted to be in dress up as Tom Cruise and do that so we're all in this conference room
Guest:And they're like, what can it be?
Guest:And I barely know anybody, and they're throwing out all these ideas.
Guest:And then I piped up, and I don't give a shit about this idea or a movie or doing a parody of A Few Good Men.
Guest:Who gives a shit?
Guest:And I was like, oh, what if it's just like...
Guest:bring it down and just make it instead of the army make it like boy scouts it's all still the drama but it's all about boy scouts or something and uh bob they they started liking it oh yeah that's interesting bob got like that's great why don't you write it up yeah good and and left and i know he was fucking with me you were you knew what you were doing you absolutely knew what you were doing
Guest:Whatever, write some shit.
Guest:Whatever first idea that anybody wants to write, that's just so bad.
Guest:Just do it.
Guest:Okay, then you like it so much, you're a great idea.
Guest:Go write that.
Guest:So you weren't fucking with him?
Guest:I don't know if that's fucking with him.
Guest:It's like...
Guest:You also didn't, you didn't give a shit.
Guest:I had my own stuff.
Guest:And you had your, you were just happy to, the new guy, you're like, yeah, great, write it up.
Guest:Go, write it up.
Guest:I'm like, what?
Guest:No, I don't want to, I don't.
Guest:You like it so much.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I don't like it so much.
Guest:And then that was my first assignment.
Guest:But wait a second.
Guest:You wrote something that was great.
Guest:T.J.
Guest:O. Pooter Toots.
Guest:Oh, that was great.
Guest:And that was really a David sketch.
Guest:That was so fucking true.
Guest:I love that sketch.
Guest:It was really good and really well done by Ben and Judd.
Guest:They produced it well, which is a big part of making that sketch like that work really well.
Guest:And what about the extra?
Guest:Remember the extra?
Guest:The best extra ever.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:The best extra ever.
Guest:If you ever see the sketch, you can watch for him.
Guest:He's an old man.
Guest:He sits behind, I think, Janine in the sketch.
Marc:It's from the Ben's store, so PJO 2.
Guest:So when you're an extra, you're asked to... Oh, no, no.
Guest:It's actually Claire and Andy.
Guest:remember it was uh yeah andy dick andy dick is eating uh-huh oh with claire with claire and then it's behind them because you guys were waiting right to the story so so behind him is two people an old guy and an old woman and you know you're supposed to just do uh a version of human behavior
Guest:Act like a human being would.
Guest:That's your job.
Guest:You know those people that you see called people?
Guest:Do like them.
Guest:Anyway, so they have a plate of food, and the joke is that the meat here is all human meat, okay?
Guest:And so it's all this restaurant that serves all this meat.
Guest:Like, everybody orders meat, and there's big, like, sort of a plate of meat.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So this old man and this old woman, and the old man is totally in the shot.
Guest:I mean, totally shooting across the girl, Claire.
Guest:He's right there.
Guest:And so whenever they call action, he would do the same series of movements.
Guest:He would take his cup and toast her and then fake drink it, but far away from his face.
Guest:Really far away.
Guest:Like this.
Right?
Guest:And then he would do what anyone would do on a date.
Guest:On a decent person, offer it to the person.
Guest:Offer your glass to them to drink.
Guest:Okay, they don't want it.
Guest:Interesting.
Guest:Then...
Guest:Take your fork, stick it in the biggest piece of meat, hold it, you know, 10 inches from your face, take a fake bite, then offer it to the person you're eating with to bite.
Guest:And show them how yummy it is.
Guest:A nod about how good it is.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:All the writers were in the back.
Guest:Just, we couldn't get enough.
Guest:This guy was the best.
Guest:And then they asked him to tone it down.
Guest:It didn't help.
Guest:And then this started to happen.
Guest:Then this started to happen.
Guest:Action.
Guest:Out comes the cup.
Guest:Big fake drink.
Guest:Offer to the lady.
Guest:Not a lot.
Guest:Take the big piece of meat.
Guest:Fake bite it.
Guest:Offer to her.
Guest:And then as you're miming, start to vocalize.
Guest:That's really good.
Guest:I really liked it.
Guest:I want some more.
Guest:Like, no, no, cut, cut.
Guest:No.
Guest:No, don't.
Guest:The best.
Guest:The best.
Guest:That should have been the scene.
Guest:Just aim it at him and go and tell him, keep going.
Guest:We asked the editors, like, please save that camera angle.
Guest:Just put it on a tape for us, and we had it.
Guest:We would show it at parties.
Guest:He got to watch this guy.
Guest:The best.
Guest:The best.
Guest:Do you still have it?
Guest:We don't have it.
Guest:Believe me, I'd have watched it.
Guest:You can see him, though.
Guest:I think he's still doing a little bit in the scale.
Guest:Oh, yeah, he's there.
Guest:I mean, I don't know if you see a lot of him.
Marc:Well, how long before from Stiller to Mr. Show?
Marc:Go ahead.
Guest:Well, after Stiller, I did a pilot for HBO.
Guest:It was supposed to be with Janine and Andy Dick, but Andy got the lead in the new Get Smart.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Awesome.
Guest:Awesome.
Guest:But that didn't work out.
Guest:I don't remember that.
Guest:It turned out that people weren't dying for more of that.
Guest:Get smart.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Why did they cancel it in the first place?
Guest:People were sick of it.
Guest:So they'd had more than enough.
Guest:Do you think they'd want more?
Guest:Why?
Guest:Do you feel that way about sequels in general?
Guest:So many sequels.
Guest:So many things.
Guest:You go, really?
Guest:Because they barely liked it in the first place.
Guest:So many movies that are made from old TV shows.
Guest:It's like, but...
Guest:The old people who watched that, they didn't even like it that much.
Guest:There was barely anything.
Guest:You had no choice.
Guest:Yeah, there was no TV.
Guest:There were three fucking channels, and there weren't that many comedies.
Guest:You had Bewitched, I Dream a Genie, or Get Smart.
Guest:Pick one.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's the craziest thing.
Guest:A third of America's watching it.
Guest:We must be great.
Guest:You know?
Guest:But it sounds like I'm joking, but I think the new Munsters reboot is going to be awesome.
Marc:You're not joking?
Guest:Well, I... I did a pilot, and then David and I started doing shows in this space, the Diamond Club, that Dave Rath opened up, and I did a sketch show, and I asked him to be in it, and we'd been hanging out, and
Guest:Seeing each other at all the stuff where you were there and everybody was there.
Guest:It was kind of the alternative scene in L.A.
Guest:It was fun.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Everybody... The interesting thing there is the people who are a part of that, right?
Guest:Kathy Griffin, Margaret Cho, Janine... Dana...
Guest:Dana, Patton, Paul, Tompkins, Jay Johnston, and David.
Guest:Will Ferrell used to do the simpatico thing.
Guest:Yeah, I'd see him, but not that often.
Guest:But that group, because everybody's in such different places.
Guest:But we hung out every night almost.
Marc:Now, the dynamic, though.
Marc:Do you feel like when he first started writing with you, did you feel that he taught you how to discipline yourself or any of that shit?
Yeah.
Marc:Did that get the discipline to write?
Marc:Was he on your ass?
Guest:Oh, fucking absolutely.
Guest:No, he wasn't on my ass.
Guest:I just had to keep up with him.
Guest:I'd never worked with anybody who was as focused and driven.
Guest:He's not high.
Guest:My God, you're not high.
Guest:Holy shit.
Guest:How much pot did you say no to?
Guest:Wow.
Guest:But I mean, and I would say, I would say back then almost, I would say to a fault almost that you were just focused.
Guest:There was very little room for pleasure in Bob's life.
Guest:And you would get a real sense of it when you'd go out to eat, and just some French fries would come.
Guest:You'd be like, oh, my God, these are so good.
Guest:They're so good.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Like, oh, yeah, I guess they're good.
Guest:But as time went on, you're like, oh, all right, so you have these windows of enjoyment.
Yeah.
Guest:Has that changed?
Guest:One is like in the middle of lunch, not the beginning, because then you have to figure out what you're going to get.
Guest:You're still talking about stuff and the paper's out.
Guest:And then at the end, you've got your papers back out because you're almost done.
Guest:But there's that middle area of eating where you can just let go.
Marc:Just fucking let go, man.
Marc:And that was clearly what you interrupted with the basketball on that first meeting.
Marc:God damn it!
Marc:What?
Marc:The only joy in Bob's life.
Guest:But there's an absolute 180 market change once you met Naomi.
Guest:And then again, exponentially beyond that when you had kids and everything.
Guest:That was like just totally chilled out and just more pleasurable the whole.
Guest:It's because I yell at my kids so much.
Guest:The rest of the world's like, wow, he got it out of him.
Guest:Where did all that energy and angst go?
Marc:But I remember that when you showcased Mr. Show, before it was Mr. Show, and you did it in Aspen, correct?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because I was there.
Marc:It was the Aspen Comedy Festival in 1995, and you were in the middle of a cowboy bar or a dance floor.
Marc:It was awful.
Marc:This is like, at the time, HBO used to have this yearly comedy festival that was basically a trade show.
Marc:They'd wheel out people that were creative and had ideas, and they'd have them showcase in miserable venues for powerful people.
Guest:Fucking Aspen!
Guest:The comedy mecca of the...
Guest:And once the comedy festival was established, then there was some legitimacy to it.
Guest:But the first couple years, we're up there, and we're not just showcasing.
Guest:We're showcasing to see if we get a show on HBO.
Guest:Right.
Guest:That was part of, as it was explained to us, you'll go up to Aspen, HBO's putting it on, you know, let's see how the show does.
Guest:And it's fucking 5 o'clock in the afternoon, and there's Austrian, rich, rich, rich Austrian skiers who are exhausted, bored.
Guest:English is a fourth language.
Guest:And they're sitting there, and, like, they don't know what's going on.
Guest:They were told an American celebrity is going to be here, and we're doing our stupid shit about doing, you know, Ronnie Dobbs or whatever.
Guest:And they're, like, just, I mean, they're...
Guest:Ski cunts, I think, is what we established.
Guest:But also... We opened with Tenacious D, and there was skiers asleep.
Guest:I swear to God, they were sleeping, and it was Tenacious D, and they stared at them.
Guest:They didn't laugh, they didn't react, they just stared at them.
Guest:But it's also not their fault.
Guest:Our first show there was like four guys in the front row in red sweater vests.
Guest:I remember that.
Guest:Four old men with white hair.
Guest:With feet up on other chairs like this.
Guest:Like retired dentists, four of them.
Guest:It was not our group.
Guest:But it wasn't their fault.
Guest:It was not their fault.
Guest:It was a stupid idea to have a comedy.
Guest:You know what their fault was?
Guest:The advertisement?
Guest:Hey, assholes, come see comedy.
Guest:They shouldn't have asked the assholes to come.
Guest:Why?
Marc:I find it hard to... Who was the guy that championed you?
Marc:Is that where you met Bernie Boilstein?
Guest:Bernie was way behind it.
Guest:Honestly, Chris Albrecht and Carolyn Strauss wanted it to happen.
Guest:They loved it.
Guest:They had to find a reason.
Guest:Executives...
Guest:they have to sort of get reasons to sell a show to their executives, to their bosses.
Guest:So that's one thing that they can do with a show they like is try to find something that can back them up.
Guest:So maybe if we played well at this festival, I don't think we did that well.
Guest:No, we didn't.
Guest:We didn't do well at all.
Guest:But what it did save the show, if you want to know what saved Mr. Show, we did four episodes for the first season.
Guest:And they showed him, and then it didn't do very well, and nobody liked it in New York.
Guest:And then the son of one of the female executives, no, it was a woman, a woman executive in New York asked, I think, Bucus or somebody at HBO, my 14-year-old son is begging me for tapes of this show.
Guest:Can you get them for me?
Guest:And so that was the ammunition.
Guest:But this happens all the time.
Guest:You've heard this story.
Guest:Some 14-year-old's asking for it to his rich mom, asking her rich friend if they can have the show.
Guest:That's show business.
Guest:You know what?
Guest:This appeals to young people.
Guest:That's great.
Marc:That's fucking amazing.
Marc:Okay, so thank God for this 14-year-old.
Guest:Yeah, whoever he is.
Guest:God bless you.
Marc:So now, okay, so I don't miss questions while you're both here.
Guest:That's how Skrillex got popular.
Guest:Google it.
Guest:Google it.
Guest:Oh, you're going to be so embarrassed later.
Marc:I'm always embarrassed.
Marc:It's the way I... So, Bob.
Marc:What?
Marc:I just wanted to check in.
Marc:What happened with the movie?
Marc:Let's just deal with that.
Guest:Run, runny, run?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It has its fans.
Guest:It has a lot of funny lines in it, I'll tell you that.
Guest:You know, I hadn't watched it in years, and somehow online there was like a favorite lines from this movie, and I popped on it, and it was like 60 lines.
Guest:It was like every line was really funny.
Guest:There's some funny shit in there, for sure.
Guest:And it was like, oh, wow, yeah, that was funny.
Guest:Oh, wow, another one.
Guest:And I just... It just... Whatever.
Guest:Well, is there any way that you guys...
Guest:Movies are very hard to make them great, and you talk to people who've made a lot of movies, and they'll tell you they're on the set, they're working, it's been a great script, a great reading, a great rehearsal, and it's going well, and then the movie comes out, and it's nothing.
Guest:And then movies that look great, there's been interviews, and you can see many stars and directors and say...
Guest:They'd say, I don't know, didn't think it was going that well.
Guest:And then it's like one of the great movies.
Guest:That's like Raging Bull was initially a comedy, and they put it out there, and it's dying.
Guest:It is tanking.
Guest:So they rejiggered a couple things and made it a drama.
Guest:And you never know.
Guest:You never know.
Guest:That's a thing.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Well, it wasn't originally about boxing, right?
Guest:It was about Boxing Day, actually.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What was that thing you used to say about Schindler's West?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:That's an old... That's one of my first jokes.
Guest:TV jokes.
Guest:First joke I ever said on TV.
Guest:What was it?
Guest:I saw Schindler's Wist.
Guest:I saw Schindler's Wist the other day.
Guest:Not that funny.
Guest:I mean, a couple... I mean, there were a couple of really funny moments.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Overall... I don't know.
Marc:See how good it still works?
Guest:I should have quit then.
Guest:I should have quit.
Guest:I should have quit.
Guest:Good night.
Guest:That's my career.
Guest:All right.
Marc:All right, you guys, so are you going to, like, I guess, do you like working together?
Marc:Are you going to do something else?
Marc:I mean, there's a lot of Mr. Show people out here.
Guest:We're doing a benefit for Amnesty International in New York.
Guest:Next week.
Guest:We're participating.
Guest:We're going to do one scene.
Guest:You mean if we're going to do another, like, big project or something?
Guest:Yeah, that's sort of what it is.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:You know, like I said, we did something two years ago, and I think we'd both do it if we had the idea or whatever.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:For sure.
Guest:We have a great time.
Guest:All right.
Guest:It's just David lives in New York, and...
Guest:It's not really very convenient.
Guest:I think I'm rude to live in New York.
Guest:It's kind of rude.
Guest:Choose the life I've chosen.
Guest:But not New York City.
Guest:Kind of indulgent.
Guest:Kind of self-indulgent.
Guest:You live in the hills.
Guest:You're like a hill person.
Guest:Yeah, I live mostly.
Guest:I mean, that's where I'm registered now and everything.
Guest:You're registered as a hill person?
Guest:You don't have a phone.
Guest:I don't have a phone.
Guest:You live in New York.
Guest:You have no phone.
Guest:I don't have a phone.
Guest:I don't have a TV.
Guest:I don't.
Guest:I don't have a phone.
Guest:You said you don't listen to music.
Guest:I don't understand that.
Guest:You said you don't like music.
Guest:No, I bang pots.
Guest:I go outside and I bang pots together.
Guest:Wait, you don't have a TV?
Guest:And then listen to the frog.
Guest:I do not have a TV.
Marc:Is that a principal thing?
Guest:No.
Guest:Well, initially, I didn't know I was going to be spending as much time up there as I do now.
Guest:But I was like, this isn't for that.
Guest:I don't want to go up to my place in the woods and watch TV.
Guest:It seems silly.
Guest:What do you do?
Guest:I bring DVDs.
LAUGHTER
Guest:I'm not joking.
Guest:I am not joking.
Guest:David... Well, you guys got to know that David has a nickname that he's been trying to get everyone to call him by.
Guest:It's his own... This ought to be good.
Guest:I cannot wait.
Guest:Old-timey man.
Guest:And he goes to carnivals and lets kids ride him.
Guest:You can ride a donkey or you can ride old-timey men.
Yeah.
Guest:This beard is just bees.
Guest:This is just bees.
Guest:It's not even my facial hair.
Marc:David Cross, Bob Odenkirk, John Innes.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Keep it going for Neil Brennan, Josie Long.
Marc:You've been great.
Marc:This has been Live WTF Vancouver.
Marc:You can bring up that music.
Bye.