Episode 7 - Nick Griffin / Marc's Mom / Sam Seder
Guest 3:Lock the gates!
Guest 2:Are we doing this?
Guest 2:Really?
Guest 2:Wait for it.
Guest 2:Are we doing this?
Guest 2:Wait for it.
Guest 2:Pow!
Guest 2:What the fuck?
Guest 2:And it's also... Eh, what the fuck?
Guest 2:What's wrong with me?
Guest 2:It's time for WTF!
Guest 3:What the fuck?
Guest 3:With Mark Maron.
Marc:welcome to the show glad you could come by thank you so much all of you for actually feeling and listening and being in this what the fuck process with us wtf eventually maybe i'll have to clean my mouth up but i want to welcome all you what the fuck anistas what the fuckers and what the fuck arians and whoever else is listening for however long you listen and please if you don't like me by all means post your review on itunes today's show
Marc:I'm very curious about this.
Marc:I'm having my friend Nick Griffin on.
Marc:Nick Griffin is a comedian that I've known for years, haven't spoken to a lot, but feel a kindred spirit with.
Marc:He's a dark brooding man entering middle age and I need to feel him out.
Marc:Maybe he's got a little wisdom for me.
Marc:You may have seen him on David Letterman.
Marc:He's made several appearances on that.
Marc:I also have some issues with technology I have to address and I may have to call my mother to address those issues.
Marc:Here's the real big what the fuck.
Marc:Why does everything need to be upgraded and re-bought?
Marc:I'm not a technophobe.
Marc:All right, but my BlackBerry, which I have, I didn't want to have.
Marc:I don't know what it does.
Marc:All I use it for, for emails and texting, but I had to have one because everyone had one.
Marc:And you can't get two phones behind everybody else because then you might as well be on an island with a walkie-talkie screaming into it.
Marc:And so I get this BlackBerry.
Marc:I don't know what it does.
Marc:It comes with a book.
Marc:I don't read the book.
Marc:Do you read the book?
Marc:Who the hell reads the book?
Marc:I don't know how.
Marc:I just, I figure out, I go to the quick start menu.
Marc:I pick a sound.
Marc:I put my two friends in.
Marc:I'm good.
Marc:Yeah, two friends.
Marc:Go ahead and chuckle to yourselves.
Marc:Two friends.
Marc:How many do you really need?
Marc:I can't stand people say, I got lots of friends.
Marc:You don't.
Marc:You have a lot of shallow relationships with people that talk behind your back, and you call that drama a life because you're bored at your jobs.
Marc:All right?
Marc:All I need are two.
Marc:I need the main guy and the guy I go to when I drain the main guy.
Marc:All right?
Marc:Yeah, because I am a needy, panicky man.
Marc:I'm an angry man.
Marc:I make calls like this.
Marc:Dude, dude, dude, I'm losing it.
Marc:No, I'm losing my mind.
Marc:I'm losing my fucking mind for real this time.
Marc:What?
Marc:You're tired?
Marc:All right.
Marc:All right, take the day off.
Marc:I'll call the other guy.
Marc:Dude, I'm losing my mind.
Marc:No, seriously.
Marc:No, you can't.
Marc:No, it's your day.
Marc:It's your day.
Marc:Walk me through this.
Marc:That's just who I am.
Marc:But I'll be honest with you.
Marc:The other benefit of not knowing what your machine does, like your BlackBerry, is that that means you're surrounded by potential magicians.
Marc:Let me explain.
Marc:Like I had this thing like three weeks and it went to the bottom of all my emails.
Marc:I don't know why.
Marc:I don't know why it went to the bottom of all my emails.
Marc:But I'm standing on a corner here in New York City, rolling the little ball up to the top of the emails.
Marc:And out of nowhere, like a fairy or a sprite, a woman appears and she says, just hit T and it'll go to the top.
Marc:And I go, bink.
Marc:And I'm like, holy shit.
Marc:Don't walk away, magic lady.
Marc:Share more of your esoteric technological wisdom with me.
Marc:I need you.
Marc:Don't leave me.
Marc:But here's the problem I'm having now is now my Blackberry seems to have gotten retarded.
Marc:It seems it's slow.
Marc:It doesn't sort of can't keep stuff in its mouth.
Marc:I'm kidding.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:No.
Marc:So, no, it's just gotten slow and I know what was going on.
Marc:It's taken forever for me to text my nasty text to the women I'm dating or keep up with things.
Marc:It takes forever for the email to go.
Marc:It's just slow.
Marc:And I'm thinking, well, I guess it's time.
Marc:I got to get an iPhone.
Marc:I don't want an iPhone.
Marc:Even though I have an Apple, it would probably be good for me.
Marc:But I just, all I need is for text and emails.
Marc:That's what I'm thinking.
Marc:But wait, I'm in contract with Sprint that I don't even know how long it lasts.
Marc:I don't even know why my phone costs what it does.
Marc:I'm not sure.
Marc:It's all confusing to me.
Marc:But I decided to go to the Sprint store so I can assess the BlackBerry situation.
Marc:So I say to the guy,
Marc:My BlackBerry's losing its mind.
Marc:What the fuck is going on?
Marc:Can you help me?
Marc:And he's like, oh, you probably need an upgrade.
Marc:And I'm like, all right, so what does that cost?
Marc:And he's like, it doesn't cost anything.
Marc:We just got to upgrade it.
Marc:You got to leave it here for an hour.
Marc:So I give it to the guy and then I'm walking out of the store.
Marc:I'm like, wait a minute.
Marc:Everything about me is on that BlackBerry.
Marc:All my texts, all my emails, all my contacts, stuff that's dirty.
Marc:I just left it there for some tech.
Marc:Why should I trust that guy at the Sprint store?
Marc:What if he starts reading my texts?
Marc:What if he decides that he recognizes me from television and wants to make those texts public, which would actually help the podcast.
Marc:So I freak out.
Marc:I go back in and I go, no, no, no.
Marc:Maybe I'll do it myself.
Marc:Let me have my phone back.
Marc:Just give it back to me.
Marc:Give me my phone back.
Marc:I don't want you looking at my things.
Marc:And I go, what do I got to do to do it myself?
Marc:These guys, well, you got to upload the desktop stuff for the BlackBerry, and then you got to go and save it on there, and then you got to go get to the upgrade.
Marc:And then I go home, and I have a Mac, and it's not that easy.
Marc:And I'm like, shit, what do I do?
Marc:So then I start taking off all the things that I think are private on my BlackBerry, and I'm going back in.
Marc:And I don't know what's more frightening.
Marc:I'm sitting there going, I should be able to do this by myself, but then what if I lose everything by myself, and there's no recourse?
Marc:It's a choice between that...
Marc:or maybe letting the guy get some shit about me that I'm not comfortable with.
Marc:So I went with the other one.
Marc:Cause I figured ultimately any publicity is good publicity.
Marc:So they upgraded it and it's, and it's moving a lot quicker, but this opens up a larger problem.
Marc:This to me, this is indicative of the entire system we live in is why do I need to buy a phone every year?
Marc:Why do I need to upgrade?
Marc:Why do I constantly need toys and gadgets?
Marc:Why is consumer capitalism designed that way?
Marc:If you really think about it because of the way it's designed,
Marc:We have to be in a state of perpetual need.
Marc:We have to be in a state of perpetual feelings of incompletion, of not good enough, of not quite up to speed enough with everybody else.
Marc:We need to constantly feed that with this stupid process of upgrading and buying stuff that we don't need, of getting the new thing.
Marc:And it's designed that way.
Marc:You telling me they can't make a phone that'll last me forever?
Marc:You telling me they can't make a pair of pants that'll last me a few years?
Marc:I mean, it's designed to manufacture needs in us that aren't necessarily grounded in anything but them needing us to buy stuff.
Marc:If you think about it, that's the way it's all designed.
Marc:Like I was thinking about this the other day.
Marc:Are we really entitled to as much entertainment and information and bullshit that we get?
Marc:Is it really a good thing?
Marc:I literally had this brain fart the other day where I was watching the new Jay Leno show and I'm like, come on, seriously, come on.
Marc:And then I'm watching other things on TV and it's like, it's annoying me.
Marc:And I had this realization, like, you know what we need?
Marc:We need a respite, a reprieve.
Marc:There needs to be a month where the only thing on TV is just one channel with Rachel Maddow and one channel with Bill Moyers.
Marc:All right, it'll be a tough month, but I think we'll all have a reasonable perspective of things after it's done.
Marc:And this has nothing to do with politics.
Marc:It's just that the entire system is designed to keep us chomping at the bit, constantly in need of toys and bullshit, constantly dangling stuff in front of us, sort of like, look what you can have.
Marc:I don't buy a lot of stuff.
Marc:I'm just not that guy.
Marc:And I save things.
Marc:And I literally get aggravated to the point where I hate the system when I have to get an upgrade or a new phone.
Marc:Because it seems unreasonable to me.
Marc:Why can't it just last and let me resolve my own personal problems?
Marc:Instead of just throwing salt into the wound and making me feel small by making, but maybe I do need an iPhone.
Marc:Do you think I need an iPhone?
Marc:I think I should get an iPhone.
Marc:You know what?
Marc:My mother just said that she had a problem with an iPhone.
Marc:Maybe she can be a beacon of sense here.
Marc:Let's call my mother.
Guest 1:Hello.
Marc:Hi, Mom.
Marc:Hello.
Marc:Hi, John.
Guest 1:Who is this?
Marc:It's Mark.
Guest 1:Hi, Mark.
Marc:What's happening?
Guest 1:What number is this?
Marc:I'm at the office.
Guest 1:Anyway, Happy New Year to you.
Marc:Oh, Happy Jewish New Year to you, too.
Guest 1:Here's your mom.
Marc:Okay.
Guest 1:Hi.
Marc:That was a good conversation we just had, me and John just now.
Guest 1:Who are you talking to?
Marc:I'm talking to you.
Marc:What's going on?
Marc:I'm returning your call.
Guest 1:Well, I have not listened to your latest podcast, both of them.
Marc:You haven't listened to my latest podcast?
Marc:Why?
Marc:Because, now let me just understand something.
Marc:You posted on my Facebook.
Guest 1:That I don't have the iPhone anymore.
Marc:That you failed at the iPhone.
Guest 1:iPhone failed.
Marc:What does that mean?
Guest 1:I just didn't have the patience to text anybody or to use all the good stuff other than listening to you.
Guest 1:I would never use any of it.
Marc:But that was the only problem?
Marc:You could figure out how to work it and stuff?
Guest 1:Yes.
Guest 1:That was the main problem.
Guest 1:Well, what for?
Guest 1:If I don't get, if I'm not going to use it to text message, right?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 1:And I'm certainly not going to sit in my car and watch the YouTube on it.
Marc:Why not?
Guest 1:I just don't do that.
Guest 1:I mean, I could come home and listen to you.
Guest 1:I just haven't been home to sit and listen.
Guest 1:This weekend, I'm definitely going to listen to four and five.
Marc:Yeah, they seem to be getting a pretty good response.
Guest 1:I see that.
Guest 1:Well, I'm into your Facebook three times a day.
Marc:Yeah, some people are very entertained by your posting.
Marc:And don't let me discourage you from using all caps.
Marc:That was very charming.
Guest 1:You noticed.
Marc:I did notice.
Marc:But, I mean, it's funnier when you do all caps.
Guest 1:It's much easier when I do all caps.
Marc:Oh, is that why you do it?
Guest 1:Well, of course.
Marc:Oh, all right.
Guest 1:You know that?
Marc:I know.
Guest 1:What are you doing in the office?
Marc:We're recording a show.
Guest 1:Okay.
Marc:Do you mind if we feature you on it?
Guest 1:I knew there was a reason for this call.
Guest 1:I don't know.
Guest 1:I didn't hear what your father said.
Marc:My father?
Guest 1:Yeah, I read something about your father.
Marc:Oh, he just told me that I needed to start a business where I sell McDonald's and Wendy's TVs that they can put on their tables so he can do a wellness presentation and they can watch my comedy as well.
Guest 1:Oh.
Marc:That's a good idea, right?
Guest 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest 1:Watch McDonald's and Wendy's TVs.
Marc:Right, exactly.
Marc:It's his big idea.
Marc:He thinks it's easy to have that, just to have Marin TV in a separate... Was he serious?
Marc:Of course he was serious.
Marc:I mean, this is one of his ideas.
Marc:This was the big idea.
Marc:I mean, does it sound like it's unusual to you?
Guest 1:I don't know if I'm ready to go on the show until I listen to him.
Marc:Oh, no, we just wanted to talk about the iPod and you already talked about it.
Guest 1:Well, I told you, I just didn't have what it takes to do it totally.
Marc:So I shouldn't get one.
Guest 1:Do you text people?
Marc:Yes.
Guest 1:You do?
Marc:Compulsively.
Guest 1:No, you don't.
Marc:Yes, I text everybody.
Marc:It's so much easier than talking to them.
Guest 1:All right, so then you should have it.
Guest 1:And they said of all those Blackberries and all that stuff, the iPhone is really the simplest and the best.
Marc:All right, well, send me the one that you threw away.
Guest 1:I didn't throw it away.
Guest 1:I returned it.
Marc:What did you say to them at the Apple store?
Guest 1:No, it wasn't the Apple store.
Guest 1:It was AT&T.
Marc:What did you tell them?
Guest 1:I'm not equipped mentally for this.
Marc:Oh, so you played the... No, I just said I don't use it.
Guest 1:You know, I'm not busy.
Guest 1:I'm busy so much of business that I would use it.
Guest 1:And I'm so happy with the little cell phone.
Marc:They have a calorie counter program.
Guest 1:I don't need that.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Guest 1:I know all the calories by heart.
Marc:I know you do.
Guest 1:So anyway, are you doing good?
Marc:Yeah, I'm all right.
Marc:Everything's all right.
Marc:I'm going to go to L.A.
Marc:on Monday, and I'm going to go to Chicago and do that show, and then I'll probably move in with you.
Marc:Yeah?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I love you, Mom.
Marc:Take care.
Marc:Where's your father?
Marc:He happens to be very busy.
Guest 1:Oh, good.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 1:Maybe you could move in with him then.
Marc:I'd rather put a bullet in my head.
Guest 1:My door is always open, Mark.
Marc:Well, you're going to regret saying that because if things don't work out.
Guest 1:I'll never regret saying that.
Marc:Oh, thanks, Mom.
Marc:I love you.
Marc:I'll talk to you soon.
Guest 1:All right, babe.
Guest 1:Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Marc:Right now, my guest is comedian Nick Griffin, who's been on David Letterman many times.
Marc:I've known him.
Marc:I've seen him around for years.
Marc:This is the weirdest thing about you, Nick, is that literally, I mean, I have seen you around for 20 years.
Marc:And I don't think we have ever had a conversation until recently.
Marc:And I always assumed that you thought I was an asshole.
Guest 4:Yeah, I don't know.
Guest 4:I don't know why that is.
Guest 4:I don't, you know, I'm sure there's lots of comics that I've seen over the last 20 years who probably say the same thing you've said.
Guest 4:I've seen that guy for 20 years and he never says anything, yeah.
Marc:So that's a common thing with you.
Guest 4:Yeah, sure.
Guest 4:I don't talk much.
Guest 4:Why?
Guest 4:Why?
Guest 4:Yeah, I don't know.
Guest 4:I think insecurities, worry, anger.
Guest 4:Anger.
Guest 4:Lots of things there.
Guest 4:Yeah, are you afraid you're just kidding?
Guest 4:Nothing specific, but I mean, all of that.
Marc:But it's nice that you have that mystique to where people- Is it mystique, is it?
Marc:Well, it becomes a mystique.
Marc:If I'm kind of walking on ice around you, when I see you, I'm like, oh, Christ.
Marc:Because I automatically see, I thought you were judging me, and then I judged you.
Marc:I probably was.
Guest 4:I mean, don't we all judge each other as we walk into places?
Guest 4:I mean-
Marc:I never, like, I only judged you as a person.
Marc:I was like, why the hell can't that guy just say hello for fuck's sake?
Guest 4:Oh, really?
Guest 4:Was I not, did I not say hello at times?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But I mean, I'm not mad about it.
Marc:I think we got through it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then I saw you recently.
Guest 4:We're on the other side now.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:We're both old fucks.
Marc:And I saw you recently and I was like, oh my God, that guy's just like me inside.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:I'm a little, I mean, I don't know.
Guest 4:I don't know what the right word is.
Guest 4:I have a very limited vocabulary, but yeah, it's not good.
Yeah.
Marc:I'm not doing well.
Marc:This is already great.
Marc:You were married?
Marc:I was.
Marc:Three years, yeah.
Marc:That's the same as me.
Marc:I was married three years twice.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What is it about that marker?
Guest 4:I don't know.
Guest 4:I can't really blame her.
Guest 4:Somebody was talking to me the other day, and they were talking about going to...
Guest 4:Marriage counseling.
Guest 4:And they said marriage counseling generally doesn't help the marriage, but it does point out what's wrong with it by a third party.
Guest 4:And I remember we went to counseling and the guy goes and she said, oh, he doesn't do this.
Guest 4:And I thought to myself, I don't do that.
Guest 4:And I I'm not going to.
Guest 4:Like, I knew she was absolutely right, and she had hit it right on the head, and I thought- That ain't changing.
Guest 4:Yeah, we're not moving forward.
Guest 4:There's nowhere to go, because I'm not going to do that.
Marc:Yeah, I always looked at, initially, I used to say that- It was my fault.
Marc:I mean, for the most part, I think, pretty much.
Marc:Yeah, but are you sure, though?
Marc:Maybe that's... Yeah, I mean, I do that to myself, too.
Marc:I used to say that couples counseling, if you're a guy, is really just an ambush that you're paying for.
Guest 4:Yeah, yeah, it felt that way.
Marc:Yeah, you're literally paying someone $300 to watch your wife call you an asshole for an hour in a bunch of different ways.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And for you to walk out and... Without saying you're an asshole.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But what I don't understand is that I started to see it as sort of a racket because in my mind, how are you not going to walk out after an hour of that and go, oh, really?
Marc:It's all my fucking fault.
Marc:I'm the asshole.
Marc:And then she says, well, save it for next week.
Marc:And it just feeds its own thing.
Guest 4:Yeah, and there's always this once you walk out of there, there's no resolution and you don't feel better.
Guest 4:So even if you're still married, there's just this waiting till next week to see.
Guest 4:Right.
Guest 4:There's no like having sex in between the sessions.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Everything's replaced by those weekly sessions of working this thing out that probably wouldn't work out.
Guest 4:Seething, trying to come up with one reason why she's screwing it up.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Marc:Not being able to.
Marc:But I always blame myself.
Marc:It's just my nature because I was the more dramatic of the two of us.
Marc:I was the guy with the big mouth.
Marc:I was the anger problem guy.
Marc:But you can't just let them off the hook.
Marc:You can't let them off the hook.
Guest 4:Well, then I'm not going to.
Guest 4:I'm going to go back to blaming her.
Guest 4:Let's call her.
Guest 4:You want to call her?
Guest 5:Oh, yeah.
Guest 4:No, people say, how is she?
Guest 4:I go, I have no idea.
Guest 4:Like literally she said, you need to move out.
Guest 4:And I said, oh, okay.
Guest 4:And then, um, well, it's funny is like the divorce itself.
Guest 4:I go, this isn't working out.
Guest 4:I'm going to move out for a little while.
Guest 4:And she goes, if we move out, if you move out, we're getting divorced.
Guest 4:And I said, oh, whatever.
Guest 4:So she went into the other room.
Guest 4:She came back in with divorce papers and like, you can get them off the internet, you know, start the process.
Guest 4:Get out of here.
Guest 4:Yeah, no.
Guest 4:And she put them down and I thought she was like, I thought it was like, um,
Marc:a line in the sand like he won't do it and i went like i signed it and she walked out and then said you need to be out in a couple days that was it yeah and i like i didn't really think about it very much that's brutal because like when i got divorced literally we had a trial separation which really i didn't i didn't realize meant that she had to figure out a way to leave me permanently but she didn't have the guts to do it so it was on me oh really in a way and
Marc:And I think she knew that it would only be a matter of time before I fuck somebody else or before I did something crazy.
Marc:And after three months, we had trial separation.
Marc:And she said, I still don't know what I'm going to do.
Marc:I filed for divorce thinking it would be a lion in the sand.
Marc:That's how crazy I was because I wanted her back.
Marc:But I was like, this will show her.
Marc:So I'll file for divorce.
Marc:Then she'll really want me.
Marc:And then the whole thing just snowballed.
Yeah.
Guest 4:Well, I called somebody like a week after I moved out and I ran into somebody and they said, well, I saw your wife the other day.
Guest 4:And I go, well, we're, you know, we got separated.
Guest 4:Yeah, I thought it was weird because she was with some guy.
Guest 4:And I was like, oh boy, that's not good.
Marc:So like now do you, what do you, do you date?
Guest 4:Yeah, I date a little.
Guest 4:I have somebody I see.
Guest 4:But I'm, you know, I'm just not...
Guest 4:It's not unlike the relationship you've had with me over the last 20 years.
Guest 4:I really have a hard time enjoying people's company for any extended period of time.
Guest 4:And I know that, so I don't want to extend it.
Guest 4:You know what I mean?
Marc:You can't be straight up front like, look, I like you right now.
Guest 4:Oh, yeah, we've all tried that.
Guest 4:I've done that.
Guest 4:I've done it a million times.
Guest 4:Look, I'm not very easy to get along with, and I keep to myself, and I'm pretty committed to what I do.
Guest 4:And what they hear is, I love you, move in.
Yeah.
Guest 4:It's absolute true.
Guest 4:That's funny.
Guest 4:I mean, that is how they, I mean, eventually they go, what happened?
Guest 4:What happened?
Guest 4:I gave you the whole poop up front and now you're saying what happened.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:I told you what was going to happen.
Guest 4:It's happened.
Guest 4:And now you're upset that it's happened?
Guest 4:That doesn't make sense to me.
Guest 4:I don't... I'm sure you've been obviously upfront with people you've gotten involved with.
Guest 4:I'm this, I'm that, and I can't get serious or whatever it is.
Marc:Yeah, but I have a problem.
Marc:Once they really start liking me, then I feel responsible in a way.
Marc:And depending on who it is, I'd never had the experience of actually breaking up.
Marc:I was married twice, and I was usually the kind of guy that would just make things so awful that people would break up with me.
Marc:But then if you start to meet a certain type of woman, there's just no end to it.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:But when my wife left me, I had no idea that was going to happen.
Marc:I don't want this to be too sad.
Guest 4:Well, I can't tell you how many times I've done radio and the people have said that.
Guest 4:I don't want this to be too sad.
Guest 4:Maybe we should do another take.
Guest 5:Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Guest 4:uh i just don't know i don't know how to do uh that that kind of thing but you seem to be more open to trying yeah i've been married twice well not just that but haven't you like tried to like long-term dating and uh gone out with this i don't want to say dating but seeing the same person for a while now let's be honest yeah i've been seeing a woman who lives in new mexico so it works
Marc:So let's be honest.
Marc:So what is it then if we're both guys and we're going to be honest about this?
Guest 4:I'm incredibly selfish.
Guest 4:That's definitely part of my problem.
Marc:Yeah, but obviously we have an inability to really trust somebody else.
Marc:We have an inability to allow intimacy for whatever that's worth.
Marc:We're proud assholes that will hold on to standards even if they are annoying.
Marc:You just said it when you were talking about being in couples counseling.
Marc:Like, yeah, I'm not going to change that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So you have all these, these walls.
Marc:So what do we really want from them to, you know, to begin with?
Marc:I mean, like sometimes I'm sitting out there in Queens alone with my cat and I'm like, really, is this, this where this is going?
Marc:Right.
Marc:Am I going to be that guy?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I'm barely a cat guy.
Marc:I'm an angry cat man.
Marc:How can you even be an angry cat man?
Marc:I'm like, is this how this plays out that I'm just incapable?
Marc:But I like having people around.
Marc:I think one of my problems is, is like once they're around, it's all, they're my job.
Marc:It's all I think about, like everything will become about them.
Guest 4:Yeah, I feel like I'm at that weird time in my life where I either need to grow up or commit to being really creepy.
Guest 4:You know what I mean?
Guest 4:I need to go one way or the other.
Guest 4:Like, there's some things I do that are kind of mature, and then other, you know, I'm looking at lesbian porn at like 7 a.m.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:And you just, ugh.
Marc:That's not something you can say, honey, come here.
Guest 4:Right, that's just a private thing.
Guest 4:That's not something you do together.
Marc:Yeah, no.
Marc:Well, it could be, but I mean, it's not something you want to be caught doing.
Marc:But I understand the...
Marc:The solitary idea.
Guest 4:But I do admire that you get involved with other people.
Guest 4:And I just start to, as soon as the sex over, and I don't mean this like in some Dice Clay way where like, get out.
Guest 4:It's more like, oh my God, now what?
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Is there any ice cream?
Marc:Right.
Guest 4:Can you start the conversation?
Guest 4:Because I can pick up, but I don't have anything to.
Marc:A lot of times in my recent past, that conversation is, you know, I really have a hard time sleeping with new people.
Guest 4:Okay.
Guest 4:God, it's so great just to hear the different things that men say to move it along.
Guest 4:What do you got?
Guest 4:I don't have anything.
Guest 4:I got nothing because people are so hip to like stand up now that no one goes, you know, I got to get up early in the morning.
Guest 4:Like, fuck you.
Guest 4:You're a comic.
Guest 4:You don't have to go anywhere till 930 tomorrow.
Guest 4:I'm staying.
Marc:Yeah, I usually use the I can't because I honestly can't sleep.
Marc:I didn't sleep that well with either of my wives, really.
Marc:I didn't either.
Marc:I just don't sleep that well if there's someone else in the bed, and I learn how to live with it.
Marc:But if I don't have to- But how does it go when you tell the other person you- Well, usually, I think sometimes some people-
Marc:You know, when I've dated over the last couple of years, they kind of see it coming anyways.
Marc:And a lot of times I think most people, honestly, even women, I think there's some part of them that thinks that they're owed that, that, you know, you're going to sweep with me.
Marc:But I think they're going to sweep better if they go home, too.
Marc:Everybody sweeps better.
Guest 4:It's like it's more like a philosophy of yours.
Guest 4:Like, look, it's not personal.
Guest 4:I believe in general that all people will sleep better if they're by themselves.
Guest 4:Right.
Guest 4:Am I rationalizing?
Marc:No, I actually, I mean, I see that it's very possible.
Marc:Like, I'm not adverse to like, you know, snuggling, spending some post-coital quality time.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:You know, touching and having a nice conversation.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:But once that sort of levels down, it's sort of like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't fall asleep.
Yeah.
Marc:let's not get ahead of ourselves is that crass i don't know no it's not i don't i don't i'm not abrupt about it it's okay to say yeah i don't i don't you know i don't want to be mean about it but honestly if it is just a sexual thing i i it becomes it just and i'll try to sell it that way too like you know yeah wouldn't you be better at home i mean you probably sleep better right this i don't have any contact solution
Marc:What's the worst?
Marc:You got any real good stories about bad experiences?
Guest 4:Why?
Guest 4:Sure.
Guest 4:I have many.
Guest 4:What are we talking about?
Guest 4:What do you need?
Marc:In dating?
Guest 4:Oh, no.
Guest 4:In dating?
Guest 4:Jeez, no.
Guest 4:Uh-uh.
Guest 4:I mean, I've done so many horrible things that I did.
Guest 4:Here's one thing I did one time when I was 17 to have sex.
Guest 4:Because I didn't know how to get girls.
Guest 4:I didn't know how to get them.
Yeah.
Guest 4:I was in Florida on vacation with my family.
Guest 4:And we went to some little like hamburger joint bar, like sawdust type place.
Guest 4:And they let me stay.
Guest 4:And I remember I was drinking with this girl.
Guest 4:And this was when I was like, so, you know, they was 18 at the time to drink.
Guest 4:So they left.
Guest 4:We finally leave this girl.
Guest 4:She's like two years older than me.
Guest 4:And I have no, I've had sex a couple of times, but it's because I was drunk.
Guest 4:Right.
Marc:Right.
Guest 4:So I don't know how to get this.
Guest 4:So her driving home, she's got the radio on.
Guest 4:This is absolutely true.
Guest 4:And the cars come on, and the song Drive, it's kind of a whatever, soft, whatever.
Guest 4:I think it's kind of a love.
Guest 4:And I said, turn this off.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 4:And she says, what?
Guest 4:Why?
Guest 4:And I go, just turn it off.
Guest 4:Turn it off.
Guest 4:And so she turns it off and pulls him and says, why?
Guest 4:And I said, my girlfriend died at a Cars concert.
Oh, no.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:And I said, we went to a car school.
Guest 4:She fell down.
Guest 4:We were on the upper deck and she fell down the stairs and never regained consciousness.
Guest 4:And I swear on my mother's life, I had sex with that girl that night.
Guest 4:I teared up and it was absolutely true.
Guest 4:That's a horrible, horrible thing to say on a podcast, isn't it?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:It seems kind of confessional.
Marc:Now I'm going to have to come up with something equally as horrible.
Guest 4:I've done that before, though.
Guest 4:A lot of people die when I'm trying to have sex.
Guest 4:Like when I'm trying to create some quick bond with somebody, there's a lot of death that happens.
Guest 4:Really?
Guest 4:Sure.
Guest 4:Sure.
Guest 4:I remember the Derby.
Guest 4:Remember the Derby in L.A.?
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:And I remember I was there on a Sunday night when I was drinking really heavy.
Guest 4:And this is horrible.
Guest 4:This woman was all bummed out because it was like the anniversary of her daughter's death who died in a car wreck or something.
Guest 4:And I just immediately matched it.
Guest 4:Oh, no.
Guest 4:I swear, yeah.
Guest 4:You made something up?
Guest 4:Yes.
Guest 4:Yes.
Guest 4:I never had anyone die in a car wreck, but I matched it.
Guest 4:Like I said, I had so-and-so die in a car wreck, too, or something.
Guest 4:Uh-huh.
Guest 4:I mean, I didn't even think.
Guest 4:It was just, like, it was there.
Guest 4:Oh.
Guest 4:And did you have sex with her?
Guest 4:Yeah.
Oh.
Guest 4:Oh, no, it's awful.
Guest 4:It's horrible.
Guest 4:That's two of those.
Guest 4:We're going to have to talk about something I've done positive after this just to bring it back.
Guest 4:I was never that guy.
Guest 4:I was always like.
Guest 4:I am.
Guest 4:I'm just.
Marc:I never.
Guest 4:All that is insecurity.
Guest 4:Like, I think there's nothing I can give them at this point.
Guest 4:My personality has nothing to offer this person.
Marc:But now as an older guy, you can just say that and you get laid.
Marc:Right, that little look.
Marc:I got nothing.
Marc:Confessional, yeah.
Marc:I find that it took me a long time to figure out how to ask women out.
Guest 4:Don't you have a bunch of fans, though, that kind of want to have sex with you?
Marc:It's weird because I don't see my success as being large enough to warrant fans.
Marc:So I still sort of associate women who come up to me, even if they've seen me on stage, as just being, you know.
Marc:Civilians or whatever.
Marc:Yeah, inaccessible to me because I don't make the connection.
Marc:But if I really think about it, my second wife was a fan.
Marc:Mm-hmm.
Marc:The woman I'm dating now was a fan.
Marc:And I guess that's that's better than than just having sex with a groupie to actually date a fan.
Marc:Right.
Marc:The worst thing that can happen is eventually you disappoint them and they say, God, you really aren't brilliant.
Marc:You suck.
Marc:I was misled.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But I guess I've been pretty honest, but I was always a sort of sensitive, pudgy kid, and I was really insecure.
Marc:So I never was... How young were you when you first had sex?
Marc:Oh, I was 17, and it was an awkward situation because I worked at a restaurant across from the university, and the boss of the place took a liking to me.
Marc:And...
Marc:And what he did was he offered, I didn't know until after, he offered a price for my virginity to the waitresses.
Marc:And one said, let's do it.
Marc:They knew I was a virgin.
Marc:And how'd that go?
Marc:It was awful.
Marc:I went to her house.
Marc:I was completely nervous because I had seen porn at a young age, which completely fucked my head up.
Marc:Forever.
Marc:I saw porn.
Marc:We stole a Betamax of Deep Throat that my parents' friends had.
Marc:And we played it.
Marc:And I saw porn when I was 14 like that.
Marc:And in my mind, that's what you had to do.
Marc:You had to do whatever those guys were doing.
Marc:So I was incredibly insecure about it.
Marc:So when I went to this woman's house, and she was very nice, but it just took a while.
Marc:It wasn't very sexual.
Marc:It didn't last that long.
Marc:I was completely paralyzed and insecure because I thought, like, if I can't have sex like Harry Reams, I must not be doing it right.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And so it wasn't a good experience other than like, well, I got through that.
Marc:Right.
Marc:You just get to tell somebody you did it.
Marc:You don't even want to.
Marc:I think most guys are like that.
Marc:I have to assume that it's kind of like that for everybody.
Guest 4:I only feel like in the last, because I feel the same way about sex as I do about stand-up at this point, that I only feel like in the last five years that I've really gotten a hang.
Guest 4:I mean, I had sex and I did it right and it was all fine and sex with my wife was good.
Guest 4:But I don't know.
Guest 4:I think I just started to relax in the last five years.
Yeah.
Marc:No, I think that's true.
Marc:I think that happens with age.
Marc:I think that there comes a point where it's like you've been through enough situations with it that you're like, what's the worst that could happen?
Guest 4:Right.
Guest 4:If I do meet a girl who says I heard you on Mark Barron's podcast, there's no way that could work out.
Guest 4:If she really wants to see me after listening to this, then she's...
Guest 4:clearly damaged human being.
Marc:Well, yeah, I think that that's probably true.
Marc:And then that might be your second wife.
Marc:Yeah, no, that's not going to happen.
Marc:But you're, I mean, you've been sober a long time.
Marc:I'm sober 10 years.
Marc:Yeah, I got about 11 and a half years.
Marc:So we're sober a long time.
Marc:And theoretically, the gifts of sobriety should be that we're happy and we're proactive in our life and we've made big changes and it's never been better.
Guest 4:Well...
Guest 4:I'm proactive.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 4:Don't you feel like you're more... I haven't seen a ton of you, but I used to watch a lot of you when I first got to the city and kind of through the years, and then I saw a lot of you the other night, and you see much more... And maybe this speaks to what I was talking about, sex.
Guest 4:You see much more relaxed with who you are and how you want to talk.
Marc:Yeah, no, I feel very comfortable, if not indulgent.
Guest 4:I notice you're really good at just... And I hate this term, but creating on stage where you kind of just...
Guest 4:That takes a lot of – for me, I'm such a guy that's into words and I'm so married to the word that I can't go up there with ideas.
Guest 4:I got to go up there with like an end line.
Marc:Yeah, no, I can't.
Marc:I tend to find that stuff on stage because part of the vitality of doing stand-up for me is discovery on stage.
Marc:That's when I really feel the connection.
Marc:I think that I'm sort of addicted to that.
Marc:Right.
Marc:To putting myself out there and seeing where it goes, even if it goes into the crapper.
Marc:Because I find that the jokes that I find on stage will stay with me.
Marc:Like I can write jokes, but when I do them on stage as they're written, I feel detached from them.
Marc:And that it's something separate than me.
Marc:Whereas if I really actually engage with an audience and drag them through whatever emotional shit that I'm going through, that there's a type of mutual discovery that goes on that sort of resonates with me.
Marc:And then I kind of stick with that stuff.
Marc:But I've always envied guys like you who write jokes and you can just do the jokes.
Guest 4:But I guess we all, yeah, I don't know.
Marc:I figure out what my jokes are, but it's not an easy process.
Guest 4:So, you know, like, oh, I'm going to get to this point.
Guest 4:I don't know how I'm going to get there, but this is.
Marc:Well, some things have like closure.
Marc:You know, some things I see as jokes, but a lot of times they're ideas.
Marc:And sometimes the jokes come to me on stage.
Guest 4:Like once every month I'm walking home from a club and this is 22, almost 23 years in this doing standup.
Guest 4:And I think I can't fucking believe how hard this is.
Guest 4:Like I just can't believe it.
Guest 4:Like it's still this hard.
Guest 4:I mean, I still love it and it's amazing and I get excited to continue to do standard, but it's so hard.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:Like anyone who stays in it and just was working on the craft, I have so much respect.
Guest 4:Like people say, who do you like?
Guest 4:At this point, I feel like I really respect you if you've stuck around for 20 and tried to get better regardless of what your little agenda is.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:No, I, I, I agree.
Marc:I, I, and if people continue to be creative, I definitely have respect for that.
Marc:And I just, for me, I, I walk away from clubs, you know, saying like, am I, am I, am I, I get worried because I show so much for myself on stage that, that it's too much.
Marc:Like, am I putting people through a draining experience?
Marc:And I think I do sometimes.
Marc:And I try to rationalize that.
Marc:It's sort of like, well, I'm not that type of entertainer.
Marc:I'm the draining guy.
Marc:I'm the guy.
Marc:I'm the draining guy.
Marc:Yeah, if you want to come out.
Marc:Yeah, I want people to feel drained.
Marc:Yeah, drained and a little uncomfortable.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:But happy that they saw something.
Guest 4:But that's real and original and true and unique.
Guest 4:Isn't that what we're all trying to do is just be ourselves?
Guest 4:And if you are the draining guy, you're the draining guy.
Guest 4:There's probably not a lot of money in it.
Guest 4:Right.
Guest 4:Being the draining guy.
Guest 4:I'm finding that it's a tough sell.
Marc:No, you don't understand.
Marc:It's a hilarious sitcom.
Marc:I'm draining.
Guest 4:It's at the end of the night.
Guest 4:You get tired.
Guest 4:I mean, it's entertaining and then you want to go to bed.
Marc:Like I'm needy.
Marc:I make people think about stuff that they don't want to think about.
Marc:How often does that happen when you're being entertained?
Marc:Where you actually are forced to think about this stuff you're going to the show to avoid.
Guest 4:I can see in your faces you don't get it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That's the name of my next CD.
Guest 4:So you've been on Letterman how many times?
Guest 4:Five times.
Guest 4:That's good.
Guest 4:Well, at this point, it's all I have.
Guest 4:So, yeah, it is good.
Guest 4:I love doing Letterman, but it's, you know.
Marc:It's very exciting, right?
Marc:I've done it four times.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And the first one I wasn't happy with.
Marc:The second one I liked.
Marc:It was okay.
Marc:The last one was okay.
Marc:But it's like such, it's really the best.
Guest 4:I'll tell you the one I really liked, and to be honest with you, it's the only one I've seen of yours, is the thing about the young girls.
Marc:Right, teenage girls, right, yeah.
Marc:Everyone remembers that joke.
Marc:That's like a joke that people like for some reason it really sticks in their head.
Guest 4:Well, it's a really, really good joke.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Guest 4:Like it says exactly.
Marc:And yeah, you should probably tell that.
Marc:The joke is like I'm getting older and you realize you're getting old in weird ways.
Marc:Like I realized recently that teenage girls don't even acknowledge me.
Marc:as a sexual being anymore.
Marc:Don't judge.
Marc:I'm not saying I want to have sex with teenage girls.
Marc:I'm just saying, hey, throw me a bone.
Marc:How about a smile?
Marc:Cute t-shirt.
Marc:Look at me.
Marc:Nothing.
Marc:Unless it's to turn to their friends and say, hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?
Marc:What's he doing at the mall?
Marc:Quick, get to the food court.
Marc:The guard's here.
Marc:We're coming on, you guys.
Marc:He's coming.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:That's wrong.
Marc:And I'm lying.
Marc:Of course I want to have sex with teenage girls.
Marc:Doesn't everyone?
Marc:That's why there's a law.
Marc:What do you think they pulled 18 out of a hat?
Guest 4:Ta-da!
Guest 4:It's very nice.
Guest 4:It's also one of those jokes where I go, wow, I can't believe you got to do that on Letterman.
Guest 4:That's fantastic that they okayed that.
Guest 4:I've done a couple.
Guest 4:Don't you mean, I mean, weren't you surprised that they, that, that, I mean, it's perfectly okay.
Marc:Well, I'm finding that with a lot of the jokes, like I'm just, I'm trying to get a set on the tonight show with Conan.
Marc:And when I really look at the jokes that I have to extract out of whatever it is I do, that my jokes are fundamentally fairly dark.
Marc:They're not general jokes.
Marc:No, I understand.
Marc:And, and, and, and I, I was surprised and thrilled that, that I was able to do that.
Guest 4:Yeah, that's awesome.
Marc:I did the porn computer one on Letterman 2, and I did the terrorist.
Marc:Oh, yeah, the porn computer, yeah.
Marc:You know, and I was happy he went.
Marc:Like, literally, if you don't say Jesus or cuss.
Guest 4:I can't say, you can't say semen, or I couldn't.
Guest 4:I wanted to do this joke where I, it actually has to do with young girls, and I say...
Guest 4:What is something about, I can't date young girls.
Guest 4:Young girls are filled with sugar and spice and everything nice, and I'm filled with anger, semen, and shame.
Guest 4:And they couldn't say, I had to say anger, Prozac, and shame, which is like half as funny.
Guest 4:Yeah, they neutered your joke.
Guest 4:Right, which is fine.
Guest 4:I can't complain.
Guest 4:But are you going to be appearing anywhere or?
Guest 4:Just here in the city, generally at the Comedy Cellar and other areas about town.
Guest 4:But I got nothing on the road anytime soon.
Guest 4:My sister's getting married soon.
Marc:Oh, that's upbeat.
Guest 4:I'm not going to be there.
Marc:Where can people see that?
Guest 4:uh lexington kentucky neighborhood october 3rd are you happy about this uh wedding sure why not yeah i i i think we're not i don't think we're supposed to take marriage so seriously you know everyone's like oh my god you're telling me yeah no it's just fine you tried it didn't work out all right
Marc:My brother called me.
Marc:He's getting married in three weeks.
Marc:No.
Marc:Dig this.
Marc:My brother, he's been, he got a divorce.
Marc:He copped having an affair with a woman.
Guest 5:Ooh.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:So he gets it.
Marc:They split up.
Marc:All right.
Marc:He ends up with the woman he had an affair with.
Marc:My brother has three kids.
Marc:This woman has four kids.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Now here's the kicker.
Guest 4:He's marrying this woman.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:But here's the kicker.
Marc:Their exes are also getting married to each other.
Marc:Oh, that's just, that's bad.
Marc:No, it's good for the kids.
Marc:They just got to make a switch.
Marc:But, you know, the kids don't lose any parents.
Marc:I guess not.
Marc:But he's like, he's going to get married.
Marc:That just seems very... It's odd.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But it makes sense.
Marc:Sounds very updike.
Guest 4:Yeah, it definitely seems that way.
Guest 4:Hey, thanks for having me on here.
Guest 4:I hope I was okay.
Guest 4:We'll see what we can do with it.
Guest 4:That's going to be my title of my new album.
Guest 4:I hope it was okay.
Marc:Well, you know, I think that we have to run the range of comedic personalities here.
Marc:And, you know, certainly, you know, we struggled to keep it above emotional vacuum.
Guest 4:That should send me off in a good mood.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, no, I'm the same way.
Marc:That's what I do every day.
Marc:I think that's what we do, Nick.
Guest 4:Fantastic.
Marc:I think we're some of the best at it.
Marc:I'll take your word for it.
Marc:Thanks a lot.
Marc:Nick Griffin.
Marc:Wow, Nick Griffin is... I definitely identify with him, but he seems a little more heavy-hearted than me.
Marc:What is that?
Marc:Holy shit, it's Cedar.
Marc:Sam Cedar is not going to... Come on, come on in.
Marc:Come in.
Marc:Come in.
Marc:Come in.
Marc:What the fuck are you guys doing here?
Marc:We're taping the fucking podcast, man.
Guest 3:You are?
Marc:We do it here.
Marc:We come in after hours when we do it.
Guest 3:Are you serious?
Marc:Yeah, it's just this is where we've been doing it.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:What are you doing here?
Guest 3:Well, I mean, it's sort of a long story, but a couple years ago, I brought in
Guest 3:Back when the cable was analog, I brought in some splitters.
Guest 3:There's nothing I can do about that.
Guest 3:Get on the mic, Sam.
Guest 3:So my point is, I'm... You're stealing... No, I'm not stealing anything.
Guest 3:I'm taking back my splitter.
Guest 3:It just so happens that it's transformed from an analog coaxial splitter into a digital coaxial splitter.
Guest 3:And to make up for that, I'm taking, like, probably 18 feet of coaxial cable.
Marc:Why don't we just rip this well up and get the copper piping, too, and sell it?
Guest 3:Uh...
Guest 3:I actually, I mean, I brought in a roto zip to do, but this is more of like plaster stuff.
Guest 3:You'd actually have to go through the closet in the supply area.
Guest 3:I mean, I sort of mapped this out.
Guest 3:But I'm not stealing anything.
Marc:We're at the Air America offices, and I think all they do here now is they hire interns to run a website.
Marc:And we thought this would be...
Guest 3:I don't work here anymore in any shape or form.
Guest 3:In a general sense, I have not worked here probably in three or four months, but contractually speaking, in terms of... Me neither.
Guest 3:I have as much affiliation with this place as somebody off the street now.
Guest 3:What's in the bag?
Guest 3:This stuff is all mine anyways.
Guest 3:What's in there?
Guest 3:Oh, that clock.
Guest 3:That's an office wall clock.
Guest 3:Yeah, but I think I brought it in.
Guest 3:And I have Majority Report hats, which are sort of completely, there's no argument.
Guest 3:Obviously, those are mine.
Marc:We're talking to Sam Seder, who was the co-host of the Majority Report here on.
Guest 3:Well, and also the Sam Seder Show.
Marc:No, I know that.
Marc:Sam Seder Show, Majority Report.
Marc:Seder on Sundays.
Marc:Seder on Sundays.
Marc:And he was my partner on Break Room Live.
Guest 3:SamSederShow.com.
Guest 3:SamSederShow.com.
Guest 3:Actually, my Twitter feed is probably one of the best things to follow right now.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:That's at twitter.com forward slash Sam Seder.
Guest 3:S-E-D-E-R.
Guest 3:It's spelled like Seder.
Marc:That aside, both of him and I have been fired.
Marc:I've been fired from Air America Radio three times, and Sam has been fired.
Guest 3:Actually, this is really the only time I've ever been technically fired.
Guest 3:I've lost different jobs and been shuffled around in the organization, but I have been continually working since March 8th of 2004.
Guest 3:That's actually pretty relevant.
Guest 3:Okay, well, my... Potential legal proceedings that may be taking place.
Guest 3:Okay.
Guest 3:But I don't want to get into that right now, not without my attorney here.
Marc:Do you want to call him?
Guest 3:Wait.
Guest 3:Could we feed him through the... Sure, yeah.
Guest 3:We can do anything.
Guest 3:I have most of the cables from this place in my bag right now, so I probably have to...
Guest 3:Pull some stuff out.
Marc:Well, the deal is that neither one of us work here, but it seems a shame to let these studios go unused.
Guest 3:This place is sort of like a family.
Marc:It is.
Guest 3:And, you know, there's plenty of examples out there of people getting divorced, but still being amicable.
Marc:Not necessarily any that you're aware of.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And they can go back to the house that they no longer live in and take shit and use the bathroom and eat out of the refrigerator.
Guest 3:Like, hey, former wife, I forgot my album here.
Guest 3:Or remember how you took that album of mine?
Guest 3:And so I'm just going to take this album of yours.
Guest 3:What's in the fridge?
Guest 3:I mean, you know, there's actually at least half of the stuff in my bag is in arguably mine.
Guest 3:No, absolutely.
Guest 3:And the other half is, look, the point is, at the end of the day, is that let's not get petty.
Guest 3:I didn't, you know, for instance, like those TV monitors in there.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That would have fit in my suitcase the other day when I came by.
Marc:I know.
Marc:I thought about it, too, but they're shitty ones anyways.
Marc:What are you going to do with them?
Guest 3:Well, I mean, look, let me put it this way.
Marc:You can have one on the kitchen counter.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 3:I could certainly find uses for it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:But no, I'm not going to do that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, that's big of you.
Guest 3:I mean, it's really actually because I just don't want anybody to feel like they have the moral high ground.
Guest 3:I mean, most of this stuff is unaccounted for.
Guest 3:I mean, nobody knows.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Who needs a wall clock and a digital splitter?
Guest 3:Look.
Guest 3:Well, the digital splitter, like I've explained, is practically mine.
Guest 3:I understand.
Guest 3:So that's not the issue.
Guest 3:The wall clock, I'm pretty convinced I brought in here.
Guest 3:You keep getting more convinced as it sits in the bag?
Guest 3:Well, it's been like years, and I know for a fact this was definitely mine.
Guest 3:This is a surge protector.
Guest 3:It's actually probably not technically a surge protector.
Guest 3:What do you call those?
Guest 3:That's a power strip.
Guest 3:It's a power strip.
And...
Marc:No, okay.
Marc:Scissors.
Guest 3:I don't know if these were company scissors, but... Did you take the stapler?
Guest 3:Not both.
Guest 3:I just... You got a stapler?
Guest 5:Yeah, I took one.
Guest 3:So you left me the other one?
Guest 3:Yeah, I took the one that says cedar.
Guest 3:And... I took this mug, but I think...
Guest 3:This is just like one of the old plain old Air America mugs.
Guest 3:That's like a collector's item.
Guest 3:First of all... Is it signed on a box?
Guest 3:Is it signed on a... Holy shit, it is.
Guest 3:By who?
Guest 3:I don't know who this is signed by.
Marc:You've got a signed original Air America mug.
Marc:Oh my God.
Guest 3:Liz Winstead.
Guest 3:Oh.
Guest 3:And Rachel Maddow.
Guest 3:Jesus.
Guest 3:It's valuable.
Guest 3:I mean, that to me is like... If you go into the... You can take the Winstead off.
Guest 3:What is in the...
Guest 3:What is in the, what do you call it?
Marc:In the break room.
Guest 3:Where we worked.
Guest 3:In the break room.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:There are like several majority report radio mugs.
Guest 3:Now, tit for tat.
Guest 3:I mean, I paid for those.
Guest 3:I bought all those.
Marc:I think this is what's expected that you're supposed to do when you leave a place, when you exit a place, is to take what you think is yours.
Guest 3:I mean, certainly they took what they thought was theirs.
Marc:That's for sure.
Marc:They're sitting on just hours and hours of broadcast genius from Sam Cedar and I. To be honest with you, for a lot of that time, I was not under contract.
Guest 3:So they owe it to you.
Guest 3:Why don't you go grab a hard drive?
Guest 3:Why don't you grab a tower?
Marc:Go get a Mack tower out there.
Guest 3:Actually, my wife, Nikki, is coming with a hand truck.
Guest 3:That's why I'm still here is I'm just waiting for her to come up the freight elevator with the hand truck.
Guest 3:And there are a couple of things that, you know, again, dubious ownership.
Marc:No, I agree.
Marc:It's a gray area.
Marc:And if it can't hold up in court, fuck it.
Marc:Well, I mean, it probably could.
Marc:Sam Seder, come back and do this in earnest when I get back.
Marc:Well, what do you mean when you get back?
Marc:Well, I guess it doesn't really matter, but when we tape some other ones, hopefully they don't listen to this, and we can do it here again if it's still in business.
Guest 3:I'll just do it by telephone.
Guest 3:This is going to be the last time I ever come into this building.
Marc:Well, that's going to be a legal issue if you continue to stack that bag with shit.
Guest 3:There's no legal issue here.
Guest 3:I've already gone through that.
Guest 3:This was probably the cable company's equipment anyways.
Guest 3:So if anybody's got a beef with me, it's blank, blank, ink.
Marc:New York Cable.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Be careful.
Marc:Taking that stuff home.
Marc:And say hi to Nikki when she gets here.
Marc:Bye, guys.
Marc:Wow, what a show.
Marc:I don't even know where to begin with that show.
Marc:I mean, we talked to my mother briefly, Nick Griffin.
Marc:I'm glad he was here.
Marc:I'm not sure I feel better, but I'm glad we spoke.
Marc:And Sam Seder stopping by on his way to jail.
Marc:What a show.
Marc:And if you're in Chicago, I will be there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Marc:That's the 24th, 25th, and 26th of September at the Lakeshore Theater, dragging an audience through all the hilarity of two divorces, drugs, love, and anger called Scorching the Earth.
Marc:Please bear witness.
Marc:And remember, always ask yourself, what the fuck?
Marc:But also allow yourself to say, what the fuck?
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