Episode 697 - Nikki Glaser
Marc:All right, let's do this.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:What the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fucksters?
Marc:What the fuckadelics?
Marc:What's happening?
Marc:I'm Mark Maron.
Marc:This is WTF, my podcast.
Marc:I'm sitting out of my garage.
Marc:It's evening time.
Marc:It's a couple of days before when you're hearing this.
Marc:So today, theoretically, I should have tales from the road.
Marc:I should have a full report on how everything went in Iowa City and Nebraska and Kansas City, Missouri.
Marc:But I don't because I got this in the can before I left because I thought it would be smart.
Marc:But that's okay because...
Marc:What's pretty exciting is I'm going to see if I can speculate how everything went.
Marc:I'm just going to see.
Marc:And then on Thursday, I'll confirm it or I won't.
Marc:I'm going to say that Iowa City went pretty good.
Marc:I went long because I was overcompensating because I hadn't done a long set in a while.
Marc:Uh, but, uh, but I thought everything worked pretty well and I got a few, uh, quite a few new things in.
Marc:I'm going to say that Lincoln, uh, went really good cause I was excited, uh, about, uh, you know, being in Lincoln.
Marc:I've never been to Lincoln.
Marc:I've never been to Iowa city either.
Marc:I was a little nervous about, uh, you know, uh, running into some people I know there, but, uh, yeah, they showed up and they, uh, they made a scene a little bit and disrupted the show.
Yeah.
Marc:I'm really going to town on these speculations.
Marc:But the show was good.
Marc:The show in Kansas City, I'm going to say, was not as light as I thought it would be.
Marc:And people were excited to be there.
Marc:And after the other two shows, I was tight.
Marc:And my new material was working great.
Marc:And everyone had a really good time.
Marc:And the drives were spectacular.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So let's see if that turns out to be true on Thursday.
Marc:Those are all speculations, not unlike people speculating who's going to win a primary.
Marc:I'm speculating how my short Midwestern comedy tour went, and I will either deny or confirm.
Marc:those reports and give you the real reports on Thursday.
Marc:Did I mention Nikki Glaser as my guest today?
Marc:Nikki Glaser, who I love, and we have something deep in common.
Marc:And I'll talk about that before I bring her on.
Marc:I know some of you would like a cat update.
Marc:I can do that today.
Marc:Again, if something happens over the weekend, which I won't be able to report to you till Thursday, God forbid, maybe one of my cats will learn how to fly in the house or shit on something.
Marc:So all I can do is tell you what's happening in the immediate situation as it stands.
Marc:Now, monkey's face is getting better.
Marc:Thank you for asking.
Marc:Turns out not cancer.
Marc:His whiskeys are growing back and he's starting to look like a happy cat again with a balanced face full of whiskers.
Marc:fonda is fine very verbal uh very dainty but dangerous got her a new scratching post because the other one was over a decade old and that one had to go out with the ongoing purge because that one was at least 12 years old that one was here when my ex-wife was here it's been through a lot but it was all shredding and making a mess so i got her a big new one and as you cat owners know
Marc:That's a bit of roll of the dice, isn't it?
Marc:Buying the new big cat thing for the cat because you don't know if they're going to fucking use it.
Marc:And you can just sit there and look at it until you just have to move it outside because they didn't use her to give it to another cat owner.
Marc:But I'm happy to say I sprayed some catnip spray on that thing and she's crazy for it.
Marc:Big news here at the cat ranch.
Marc:Underneath the house, deaf black cat rules.
Marc:And lives.
Marc:He's so comfortable under there that he's getting fat.
Marc:So now I got a fat, deaf, black cat living under my house that still freaks out every time he sees me, even though I fucking feed him.
Marc:Not resentful.
Marc:I'm happy I know where he is.
Marc:Out front, scaredy cat, the joker cat.
Marc:The joker cat, I call him that because his mouth's all fucked up and it looks like he's grinning.
Marc:He's showing up.
Marc:He's eating.
Marc:He's fat as fuck.
Marc:There's at least a 10 to 12-year-old feral cat fat.
Marc:you know see how i'm saying fat i think that's going to lead to something in a moment big head doesn't come around much big head is this cat with this full-on big old set of balls and a big old fucking fat head to match it who comes over here and occasionally if i leave my garage open will come in here and piss on something
Marc:Haven't seen him around here.
Marc:Did see him down the street.
Marc:And that's the cat update from the cat ranch.
Marc:Thank you for asking.
Marc:I had Jose, my guy that takes care of my, what do I want to call it?
Marc:Of my small plot of grass out front.
Marc:Comes by a couple of times a month and chops things and mows things.
Marc:But I had a tree problem, man.
Marc:My neighbor, Adam, he's got this huge pine tree that was basically engulfing my house.
Marc:And there are other trees that were engulfing my house.
Marc:And it's weird as a homeowner, for me anyways, that it takes me a long time to realize that, you know, I'm going to have to do something about that, that nothing, there's no natural event that's going to happen where, you know, a fire hazard and a needle factory, a pine needle factory that just covers my roof is just going to go away.
Marc:So I finally asked my dude, Jose, who's a nice guy, speaks no English.
Marc:But does a great job about the tree.
Marc:I pointed up at the trees like a moron.
Marc:And I said, you do?
Marc:Do you know guy trees like a fucking idiot?
Marc:And he looked at me and like, I trust this guy.
Marc:And he came and he got, you know, he brought three guys with him.
Marc:He climbed up into the tree with a little harness and just trimmed this giant fucking, you know, must be a hundred foot pine tree all the way up.
Marc:Gave it a little like poodle job.
Marc:So now it's just got pines at the top, cleared everything away from my house, cut a dead tree down, trimmed back everything.
Marc:Did a great job, but now somehow or another, and this happens a lot, I look up at the trees and I feel like I've accomplished something.
Marc:This happens even when I put garbage cans out.
Marc:Once the garbage guy comes and they're empty, I'm like, look what I did.
Marc:I did this amazing thing by taking my garbage out.
Marc:This is the life I live when I'm not engulfed in shooting television.
Marc:I'm cleaning.
Marc:I'm putting things away.
Marc:I'm throwing things away.
Marc:It's my life.
Marc:I'm cooking again like I run a restaurant.
Marc:This has happened before.
Marc:These are cycles, people.
Marc:I'm feeding fat cats.
Marc:Nikki Glaser, I'm very excited to have on because we have a deep bond.
Marc:We have something deeper than, that might even be deeper than love even.
Marc:We share an eating disorder, a lifetime struggle with an eating disorder.
Marc:And we talk about how we met.
Marc:We met around
Marc:An eating disorder.
Marc:And I'm a man.
Marc:And as many of you know, if you listen to this show, I am functional, but I have a horrendous eating disorder.
Marc:I mean, I don't vomit.
Marc:I don't starve myself, though I'd like to.
Marc:Oh, God, would I like to.
Marc:But I don't.
Marc:I have body dysmorphia.
Marc:It is penetrating to my core.
Marc:I was brought up.
Marc:in a house by a mother who has an eating disorder.
Marc:And I've never been comfortable with my body in my entire life.
Marc:And some days are better than others.
Marc:As I get older, it gets better.
Marc:I have some self-acceptance.
Marc:But the shame available...
Marc:with a three pound difference is, uh, is self annihilating.
Marc:I'd rather disappear than feel my pants be tight.
Marc:It's a sad state of affairs.
Marc:I try to be funny about it.
Marc:And I think that, uh,
Marc:I don't know that men talk about it enough.
Marc:I know I'm not alone in having body issues and an eating disorder.
Marc:And so I just want to put that out there.
Marc:It sucks, but I made room today to eat a bunch of almond butter compulsively.
Marc:Yeah, I'll just sugar out for about a week until I feel doughy.
Marc:And then I'll just, you know, just short of, you know, hitting myself, which would be my exercise.
Marc:The compulsion to exercise is basically punishment for those with eating disorders.
Marc:But Nikki is amazing.
Marc:She's had some progress with hers.
Marc:I've had a bit with mine.
Marc:And it's a big part of this conversation, really.
Marc:So I hope you enjoy that.
Marc:Nikki's also heading into the season finale of her Comedy Central show, Not Safe with Nikki Glaser.
Marc:It airs tomorrow, Tuesday.
Marc:And I believe she's got a special out there as well.
Marc:And I loved seeing her.
Marc:And this is me and Nikki Glaser.
Thank you.
Marc:What's going on?
Marc:Where do you drive in from?
Guest:I drove in from work, but I live here now.
Guest:I actually drove in from a massage, and then I talked to my therapist.
Guest:You talked to your therapist?
Guest:I just really wanted to get in the right headspace.
Marc:You talked to your therapist on the way over?
Guest:On the way here, emergency call.
Marc:Get the fuck out of here.
Guest:She's in New York, and I moved here in August, so I haven't been able to see her.
Guest:So we just do, like...
Guest:10 minute calls whenever I want.
Guest:I just call her like, hey, can we talk whenever?
Guest:And we just set up a time, 15 10 minute calls.
Marc:When does that just become a friend you pay?
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:It seriously has become that.
Guest:Good old Donna.
Marc:10 minute calls with a therapist that she charges you for?
Guest:Yeah, we just have, yeah, she charges me for, and it's kind of just like, she'll just remind me, hey, can you send a check sometime?
Guest:Like, it'll just go a really long time without me sending a check.
Marc:Is this a licensed person or is this just a- I think so.
Marc:Someone you met at a comedy club?
Marc:Like, I could really help you.
Guest:She is someone I was recommended after I did a podcast.
Guest:Someone wrote me and was like, girl, you got issues.
Guest:I once saw a therapist to break up with the current therapist I'm seeing because I've been told so many times that she's terrible for me, but now we're good.
Guest:i think did you guys go to couples counseling i'm serious i went to go see another therapist and he was like i can't take you on but i'll i'll tell you what to say to her to get to break up with her and then i went back to her and it just didn't work
Marc:Oh, so you tried to break up with your current therapist, but it didn't happen.
Marc:But were you still calling the other guy?
Marc:Like saying like, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this.
Guest:Because he wouldn't take me on.
Guest:He was like, I can't take anyone else on, but I'll just give you the tools right now.
Guest:We had one session that I paid him for.
Guest:He dealt more in like pharmaceutical, like prescribing drugs.
Guest:He wasn't more like talk therapy stuff.
Marc:He was a pill pusher.
Marc:He was like, okay, fill out this evaluation.
Marc:How do you feel about this?
Marc:How do you feel about that?
Marc:Why don't you try these?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And I kind of need that person right now.
Marc:Psychopharmacologist.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Like a shrink that just does an assessment and then just, you know, experiments with you.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Really?
Marc:You need that now?
Guest:I mean, I have that in L.A., but I don't think she really knows what she's doing because I literally suggested a migraine medication to her.
Guest:I saw I'm seeing her right now because I needed someone to give me medication in L.A.
Marc:for migraines.
Guest:Just for my meds that I'm on, I had a doctor in New York, moved here.
Guest:He couldn't prescribe me stuff in California, so I had to find a psychopharmacologist, went to go see this lady.
Guest:She gave me my stuff, but then I was like, I'm having migraines?
Guest:I was like, I heard about this, I had a makeup artist give me a migraine pill once.
Guest:It worked right away.
Guest:It stopped a migraine in its tracks.
Marc:Was it oxycodone?
Guest:I don't remember.
Guest:This is the thing.
Guest:It probably was.
Guest:It honestly probably was.
Guest:I didn't remember the name of it.
Guest:So I just I threw out a name that I just thought of.
Guest:I was like, I think it's I think it was like Topamax.
Guest:And she goes, I think that is one.
Guest:OK, yeah, I'll prescribe you that.
Guest:She just wrote me a prescription for Topamax, which you made up.
Guest:Made it up.
Guest:Pulled it out of thin air.
Guest:It is a migraine medicine, all right?
Marc:It is?
Guest:It is.
Guest:But listen, it wasn't the right one that this girl gave me.
Guest:I later wrote my makeup artist being like, what was the one you gave me?
Guest:Totally different medicine she gave me.
Guest:But the Topamax...
Guest:is i later heard a radio lab episode about medicine they give to addicts yeah to help them get off cocaine and like alcohol yeah and it's like a mood stabilizer drug and it's helped me with like my addictions and so now it's like it's like the best thing i ever accidentally got on it's like changed my life fluke that you pulled out of the air
Guest:fluke and it's completely changed my life because I have like food issues like crazy which I know you do too where the fuck did we talk about that once we were in you were so funny I remember this we were in Michigan in a hotel yeah
Marc:Oh, at the Grand Rapids Comedy Festival.
Guest:Yes, Laugh Fest.
Marc:At the Laugh Fest.
Marc:That was the only one they ever invited me to.
Marc:Did you go back?
Marc:No, no.
Marc:What the fuck are they doing up there?
Marc:No repeat?
Marc:Because I thought it was a pretty good time in my recollection.
Marc:And we were all in a hotel room with Eugene, maybe?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Maybe it was Eugene.
Guest:Because I couldn't remember where... It was Tommy Johnigan.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And maybe Bargazzi.
Guest:Like, there was a lot.
Marc:Bargazzi, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, we were hanging out with some people, but we were at the opening night, and there was a buffet.
Guest:And I was making a plate, and you just walked up to me.
Guest:I'll never forget it, because it was maybe the first time I ever talked to you.
Guest:Yeah, right.
You go...
Guest:What are you, eating disorder girl?
Guest:You looked at my plate and you said that to me.
Guest:And it was a normal looking plate.
Guest:I'm aware when I'm looking like an eating disorder girl, but you spotted it because you're an eating disorder girl.
Marc:Yeah, I know.
Marc:I know I am.
Guest:Yeah, and I can stiff it out too when someone else is.
Guest:But it was not an unusual looking plate.
Guest:I wasn't like just vegetables, but you could tell.
Marc:I wonder what it was.
Marc:I wonder what you were doing too much of that was clearly an indicator.
Guest:I did something.
Marc:You were probably like, there was a lot of something that had no calories in it.
Guest:There was probably one.
Marc:It's just like a mound of Jell-O.
Guest:There was probably one.
Marc:there's only a lot of carrots and then like one it's just a lot of one thing right right right right and a half a piece of cheese yes yes oh my god busted because i couldn't remember like you know it was one of these things where i'm like i know we hung out because i know i feel close to her somehow we had a conversation that was that was long because well then we went to that was the first time i saw nate and i was like well who the fuck is this guy yeah yeah yeah i remember that and i was all spun out by it i'm like you're gonna watch him again
Guest:Yeah, you were like, you discovered Nate that weekend.
Guest:We were in a comedy competition and it was a bunch of us.
Guest:And yeah, you were really nice.
Guest:I got knocked out of the competition.
Guest:I was like way more upset about it than I thought I would be.
Guest:And you were very nice to me about that because I was like bummed out.
Marc:Did I give you the like, it doesn't matter.
Guest:Yeah, you did.
Guest:And you brought me like a gift bag that I left in the place.
Guest:Oh my God.
Guest:You were like, I have your gift bag.
Guest:And I went down to the lobby and you were like, here it is.
Guest:You were like very nice.
Guest:You weren't like trying anything sneaky.
Guest:You were just a nice guy.
Marc:It wasn't gunning for you.
Guest:No, no.
Guest:And then I ate whatever was in that gift bag, like too much of it.
Guest:I went back and just binged on like some caramel popcorn.
Marc:But you deserved it because you lost.
Guest:Did I?
Guest:No, that's when you don't.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:i don't know and then we we weren't at some hotel room party yeah we did i think another night we like stayed up late at some and other people were drinking and me and you were talking because i don't drink and i don't either right so we were just watching other people get fucked up and probably waiting till we could go get fucked up on food right in our room right we talked about it like did you finish your gift bag yeah
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm trying to remember, like, my memory, I don't know if it's age or what, or I do too much.
Marc:Like, things just fade away, man.
Guest:Oh, I'm sure.
Guest:I mean, like, because all those festivals are kind of the same.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Like, where do I, where did we talk?
Marc:You know, who, you know, what part of my life do I know you from?
Guest:And probably every new batch of comics all seems kind of the same.
Guest:Like, there's probably a lot of me's that kind of gel together.
Marc:Well, I always knew you.
Marc:I don't think there's a lot of you's.
Marc:But, like, you know, because you're unique and you're funny and you've been working hard for a long time.
Marc:Because you went through all of it, right?
Marc:Open, middle, headlining.
Marc:And then you're a road comic.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:And you do the job of a comedian.
Marc:There's not a lot of people that do that in general.
Guest:No.
Marc:No.
Marc:There's plenty of people out there who say they're comedians.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:But how many are out there working?
Marc:You know, it's weird.
Marc:You know?
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Yeah, but I was excited.
Marc:I was excited to see you because I don't think I'd seen you before that point.
Marc:And I literally had this weird fucking man crush on Nate.
Guest:Dude.
Guest:I'm like, what's going on with that guy?
Guest:Everyone was so jealous.
Marc:What?
Guest:Because that you had that.
Guest:Like, Nate got discovered.
Guest:He was the American Idol, like... By me?
Guest:Standout star.
Guest:Yeah, you were the Simon Cowell and he was the Reuben stuttered.
Marc:All I saw was this weird southern kid that talks slow.
Guest:He's so good.
Marc:It's weird how good he is.
Marc:It's maddening.
Marc:Well, it's hard for those guys, though.
Marc:He went back to Nashville, right?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Because Todd Berry suffers the same sort of burden.
Marc:But Todd does fine, and so does Nate.
Marc:But if they don't have energy, club owners are like, can't you pep it up?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:It's such a fucking... It is an injustice.
Marc:that they have this idea of what entertainment is and it needs to operate at a quicker pace.
Marc:It drives me nuts.
Marc:Anyways, Topa, Topa call.
Guest:Topa max.
Marc:Topa max.
Guest:It is.
Guest:There's going to write that down.
Guest:I'm not, I'm not on drugs, but sometimes I think I should be a radio lab episode.
Guest:I was literally after I got prescribed this up, but you didn't make it up.
Marc:You must've heard it somewhere.
Marc:Well,
Guest:It is a migraine medicine that I heard somewhere while I've been talking about migraines the past year of my life that I've been getting them.
Guest:It's somewhere in the ether.
Guest:But then I'm listening to this podcast on Radiolab about medicine that is prescribed for people with addictions because there's medicine.
Guest:They're saying it's going to be the new wave.
Marc:How long have you been on it?
Guest:I've been on it now for four or five months.
Marc:And it's just changed everything?
Guest:Like, I used to have, like, I have food addictions where, like, I think about food all the time.
Marc:Okay, let's walk through it.
Marc:Let's walk through it.
Marc:Let's go.
Marc:Let's start there.
Marc:Because my food issues, like, where did you grow up?
Guest:St.
Guest:Louis.
Marc:And you're, like, how many people in your family?
Guest:Four.
Marc:Two parents and four kids.
Marc:Two kids.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You have an older sister, younger sister?
Guest:Younger.
Marc:Younger sister.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And what's your mom do?
Guest:Homemaker.
Marc:And your father?
Guest:Worked in the cable industry.
Marc:Cable?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like cable television?
Marc:Sales and marketing, yeah.
Marc:In sales?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:In St.
Marc:Louis?
Marc:Mm-hmm.
Marc:So he's the guy out there drumming up local advertising?
Marc:Yep.
Marc:Really?
Guest:Yeah, advertising, yeah.
Marc:Cold calling.
Marc:Hey, how you doing, Joe?
Marc:You still got the three burger places?
Guest:Started in that.
Guest:Started in that.
Marc:No shit.
Marc:But like, yeah, yeah.
Marc:So you're kind of from a show business family?
Guest:Yeah, and he plays music professionally.
Marc:He does?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:What does he play?
Guest:He plays guitar.
Marc:What is he, like my age?
Guest:Maybe.
Guest:No, he's older.
Guest:He's older.
Guest:He just wrote his first song.
Guest:Yeah, he plays professionally around town.
Guest:In a cover band?
Guest:A cover band, but he's just starting to write his own songs.
Guest:He's been inspired by me to now do his own music.
Marc:In a nice way or I'll show her way?
Guest:I kind of didn't all show her, because I've been like, come on.
Guest:Because he's always been like, I think I could do comedy, and now I'm like.
Marc:It's the worst.
Guest:Yeah, it kind of is.
Marc:It's like, can't you just let me have my thing?
Marc:It's not my fault you're not happy with your choices.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He's doing it now, though.
Guest:He wrote a pretty great song, but he's in a band called Glaze and the Moon Kings.
Guest:He's Glaze, I'm assuming?
Guest:He's Glaze, and he just wrote a song about climate change.
Guest:It's one of his big missions.
Guest:He cares a lot about it.
Marc:So he's becoming a radical.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:He's a revolutionary songwriter.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:A folk singer.
Marc:Mm-hmm.
Marc:He's got a message.
Guest:He does.
Marc:Nice.
Marc:He does.
Marc:Is he an old hippie or is he just freaked out about climate change?
Guest:He's really freaked out about climate change.
Guest:Not an old hippie, but kind of, yes.
Guest:But he didn't smoke a lot of pot or anything like that.
Marc:St.
Marc:Louis is one of those cities that I've spent almost no time in.
Marc:It's like it was an industrial place.
Marc:Isn't it on the river a bit?
Guest:It is.
Guest:But that's, you know, we didn't grow up going to the city much.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Like, we grew up in the suburbs.
Guest:Right.
Guest:It's very segregated.
Marc:And there's a lot of racial tension.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Some bad shit went down.
Marc:It's all happening.
Marc:It's all coming to a head now.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But you were in the idyllic suburbs.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And that, whatever was going on in the city did not concern you.
Guest:Did not concern you.
Guest:We didn't go there much, you know?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So now this eating disorder business.
Guest:Sure.
Marc:You talk about it openly.
Marc:You're out.
Guest:Yeah, I'm out about it.
Marc:Because what happened to me, if we can compare notes, is that my mother is, I think, and she'd be happy to hear it, a functioning anorexic.
Guest:I know she is.
Marc:You heard that from me.
Guest:It makes me so sad.
Marc:It does?
Guest:That she's like...
Guest:I mean, because I used to be in groups when I was sick.
Guest:I was sent to these groups with women who also had anorexia, which is the dumbest thing to send anorexics to groups together to compare each other.
Marc:Right.
Guest:How much do you weigh?
Marc:What size do those pants?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:How much have you lost?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I would see women who are older still struggling with it.
Guest:And I was like...
Guest:I would kill myself.
Marc:I once said that my mother weighed 119 pounds publicly.
Guest:Oh my God.
Marc:And she freaked out.
Marc:She's like 116.
Guest:Oh my God.
Guest:My next question is how tall is she?
Marc:That's five seven.
Guest:Oh dear God.
Marc:But the thing is, it's like she's built a system, but it's really, it's her whole life.
Guest:It seems miserable.
Guest:I mean, I've heard her system.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:You have listened to the horrendous.
Marc:But the thing was, the point being.
Guest:No fun.
Marc:I don't know, she thinks she looks great, you know, and if it makes her happy after a certain point, like how much are people gonna change?
Marc:I mean, she was a fat kid.
Guest:She'll never change, yeah.
Marc:So that's what, it just cursed her.
Marc:She was like a little obese when she was younger, and that was that.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And she's been worse, but the thing was is that I, and I guess you know all this already, and I might have talked about it, like, you know, I was brought up with that, like with this sort of like her fear of fat was dumped on me.
Marc:So I was counting calories at like nine, age nine, and I was so proud when I would know how much calories were in something.
Marc:That's how I learned how to read.
Guest:It's so insane to me.
Guest:How do you function now?
Marc:I'm a little better, but I do get to a point.
Marc:It was weird.
Marc:I had a similar sort of experience, but I didn't follow through with it, and I don't think I can handle it because I think...
Marc:My brother, who's a little worse than me with food issues.
Marc:And it's weird to be a man with food issues.
Marc:Because not many dudes talk about that.
Marc:I was fortunate on my show, Maren.
Marc:I had a writer who also has it, and I could bully him.
Marc:Because I'm like, I'm not as bad as that guy sitting there eating a big bowl of carrots and salad at catering when there's nice, fun meat.
Marc:Yes.
Guest:That's it.
Marc:But so my relationship with it, my brother's done, he went into some intensive shit, like an intensive therapy thing around the food issues.
Marc:Because I think outside of drugs or anything, I think it's the deepest one.
Marc:And one time I just went to a therapist out of my health plan down the street here.
Marc:And I walk in, I just needed to see somebody.
Marc:I just picked her because she was close.
Marc:She's like, well, I primarily work with food issues.
Marc:And I'm like, what?
Guest:uh yeah i have those and and i i chickened out i didn't i couldn't deal because you were like i'm not ready to address this stuff well i don't i don't want to get rid of it well what have you done i've done i mean i was hospitalized in high school like right out of high school in between college and high school the summer and then i was in like different just saw a different therapist and then
Guest:hospitalized for anorexia because you wouldn't eat and you got malnourished or you almost died or what well i it was weird because it was um uh i should have been hospitalized way before then but it was kind of like a lot of denial on my parents part and definitely like me just lying because like obviously i just wanted to keep losing weight and stuff and i didn't really realize what i was doing to myself but did you deny or did you puke
Guest:No, I was just starving myself.
Guest:I didn't puke.
Guest:That kind of came later, but this was just anorexia.
Marc:You progressed to that?
Guest:Yeah, eventually, but way, way later.
Marc:Changed it up?
Marc:Oh, really?
Guest:When you start... At first, I was just not eating.
Guest:I just... This was at the very end of high school.
Guest:Things were changing.
Guest:I was about to go to college.
Guest:I got nervous because a boy liked me, and I just got nervous.
Guest:For the first time ever, a guy that I liked liked me, and I got nervous about it, and I was excited, and I just didn't eat for a day because I was nervous, just nerves.
Guest:And then the next day someone was like, you look great.
Guest:And I was like, it must have shown right away.
Guest:And I was like, wait, what did I just, I just didn't eat yesterday as much.
Guest:I'll just keep doing that.
Guest:And that's what just started it.
Guest:And I lost so much weight in a month.
Guest:And it just, from there, between March and July, it was nuts.
Guest:I just became.
Marc:But let's be honest for a minute.
Marc:How great does it feel to be emaciated and starving?
Marc:um i mean i do not want to to say that it it was at first it feels great like it is it's like a drug you're getting high off i only say that and i'm like i don't you know i don't want to be insensitive and i don't want people listening to freak out but like i there was a period there in new york where i just started like i started doing weight watchers you know i wasn't even that heavy but but it's a control thing you know it's like yes you know you can get involved with it there's math there's counting
Marc:you know and I just kept going and like right now I'm about 182 maybe and I like I'd really like to be 179 but whatever it's so stupid I know but I can get up to 186 but if I'm at 187 then like I want not that often
Marc:only when i feel it i feel i'm more a feel guy like if i feel good i feel good we all know right yeah so but like like i got down to like 172 like you know i was all weird looking like and all gaunt and shit like i look like i was disappearing yes and uh and like i was like this amazing
Marc:and you're all loopy because you're not eating and you start to get like you get a buzz from like not eating yeah and then like and then people are like what's what's going on man and i'm like nothing i feel good and i'm twitching my muscles because i want i want to feel them like i was so like i had no like body fat but i wasn't working out or anything but i'm like i can feel my muscles right under my skin it's so cool you feel
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Strung out and high.
Guest:You definitely fucked up.
Guest:You're tweaking.
Marc:It's fucked up.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I totally felt that way.
Guest:And then I started like not being able to stand up and then I would have to like just stand for a couple seconds to catch myself so I wouldn't pass out.
Guest:Like it started getting really scary.
Marc:And you don't look good.
Guest:No, I didn't look... That was the thing is everyone's like, you don't look good.
Guest:And I'm like, I'm not trying to look hot.
Guest:That's not the thing.
Guest:At first, that was the thing.
Guest:I mean, at first, that was what I thought was the thing.
Guest:And then you can't stop and you're like, well, this is not the thing because I do not look good.
Guest:I'm not trying to get a guy.
Marc:But did you have the body dysmorphia, though?
Marc:Because I would look at myself and be like, I look great.
Marc:And I still have that.
Marc:See, that's the fucked up thing that I have to...
Marc:have cognitive therapy around myself because like I eat and I eat well you know but sometimes with sugar and with bread like I'll get strung out on it and I'll just start like I literally I'm not completely compulsive eater but if I start eating sugar like if I eat ice cream or cake or something today I'm gonna want it tomorrow and then eventually I'll just be like fuck it like a couple weeks ago when I was shooting
Marc:I just like I could not stop eating fucking nut butter, man.
Marc:I was like sunflower butter and almond butter.
Marc:I'm like, this is healthy.
Marc:And at night before I go to bed, I'm fucking eating half the thing of fucking almond butter and shit.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then like you just you're all bloated and gross.
Marc:And I know why.
Marc:But now I'm sort of like, well, I did that.
Marc:And, you know, I know what I did.
Marc:And I don't have to freak out.
Marc:But like, let's not do that.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:But you'll go there again sometime.
Marc:Probably.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But I'm, but I'm not like, I'm not like, and I started doing Weight Watchers.
Marc:Like what I'll do usually is it, that's only because it like, if I just get like three or four pounds overweight and I'm uncomfortable.
Marc:Then you know what to do.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'll go running or I'll get on Weight Watchers for a couple of weeks and I'll, and I'll feel better and that's that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But I don't make a life out of it though.
Marc:When I started, I think I'm going to.
Marc:do you think but do you see it do you think you look good when you don't like well i think i look heavy when i'm i'm not really and like when i look at my peers and stuff and i look at dudes in general i mean i'm fucking 52 and i'm not working out i'm not you know i'm not bill burr i'm not some like lanky dude who's you know doing sit-ups and pushing myself that way you know i'll go running and stuff sometimes but it's been a long time since i did exercise so if i get a little doughy i'm like it's fucking disgusting
Guest:You just go straight to that.
Marc:Well, I just go sort of like, this is, you know, I feel uncomfortable and I don't look good.
Guest:What about when you see yourself on TV?
Guest:Like when you're, for me, when I'm shooting something and I feel gross, like it's just the worst day of my life.
Guest:And then you look back on it and you're going, well, it wasn't that bad.
Marc:And you're the only one that notices it.
Marc:Most people are like, he looks good.
Marc:And then if you feel that way and you're on a set and the wardrobe gives you a shirt that's too tight or the pants that you wore.
Guest:I had a fitting yesterday and I had to call all the pants, or two days ago, all the pants were too tight and I had to go home from work because I was so sad.
Guest:I was so depressed.
Guest:I started crying.
Marc:Because they were your size?
Guest:They weren't.
Guest:They bought size smaller because that's all they had and they were like, we'll just go a size up.
Guest:We need to see how they look.
Guest:And I'm like, don't do that.
Guest:They don't do that.
Guest:I'm not trying to like, yeah.
Marc:My first season, the woman who was doing wardrobe, the first day of wardrobe goes, you want to wear Spanx?
Marc:And I'm like, what?
Guest:No.
Guest:What?
Guest:Oh, Mark, you're going to die.
Guest:Okay, so I am on set.
Guest:This is the best.
Guest:Okay, I am on set.
Guest:We're doing a test show.
Guest:So we're doing a show for my show, Not Safe.
Guest:Before it aired, or before we shot the first show, we did a test show with a real audience.
Guest:All the executives are there.
Guest:We're shooting it like it's a real show.
Guest:They're just doing it to make sure we can do a show.
Guest:Treating it like a real show, doing commercial breaks, everything.
Guest:Right.
Guest:It's the first one.
Guest:I'm on set, and I'm holding up all the shirts.
Guest:Before the show, before rehearsal, we're holding up all the shirts to make sure that they don't moray or whatever.
Guest:I'm holding up all the shirts, and I've already shot the pilot, and we have all our crew there and stuff, and the lighting director's in the audience, and he's sitting there on the chairs, kind of looking at the audience, and I'm holding up shirts.
Guest:The wardrobe girl is handing them to me, and I go, is this good?
Guest:Is this good?
Guest:And the guy goes...
Guest:you sure like to wear a lot of sleeveless shirts.
Guest:And I was like, yeah, I do.
Guest:And I go, is that a problem?
Guest:You know, like kind of jokingly.
Guest:Is there an audience here?
Guest:No, but it's like all my staff, all my crew.
Guest:Right, right, right.
Okay.
Guest:And I mic'd, so everyone in the booth's hearing this, and I go, is that a problem?
Guest:Are my arms problematic?
Guest:Jerry or whatever his name was.
Guest:And just joking, because clearly that's not why he would say that.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And he was silent, and then he was like, that's good, that's fine.
Guest:And then...
Guest:hung up all the shirts.
Guest:I'm back over at the rack, just kind of looking off stage.
Guest:And he comes up to me and he goes, yeah, about that.
Guest:I just, I noticed in the pilot that you wear a lot of sleeveless shirts.
Guest:And I just noticed that when you move your arms, there's a lot of your arm, like, you know, flaps a lot, like your arm.
Guest:No.
Guest:You know, it's going to do that unless you're like super ripped.
Guest:So it's like, I just want to make you aware.
Guest:Are you aware of that?
Guest:And I go, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, sure.
Guest:And he goes, do you mind?
Guest:And I go, I don't.
Guest:I don't care.
Guest:And he goes, well, it's just my job.
Guest:And I go, is it?
Guest:He's the lighting guy.
Guest:I go, is it?
Guest:And he was like, they just wanted me to say that.
Guest:And I go, did they?
Guest:And he scampers off and my boyfriend works on the show and I was like on my mic.
Guest:I go, Chris, I need to see you right now.
Guest:And I like went in the back and I told him and he was like, I am so furious.
Guest:And he like ran off.
Guest:And then the guy was told like, don't even look at her again.
Guest:Don't talk to her.
Guest:Your history or your future with the show is going to be determined later.
Guest:And he was he was let go.
Guest:Not by me, but like they're just determined like he can't be around.
Guest:What the fuck was he thinking?
Guest:What a bad decision.
Guest:And they had just talked to the whole staff about this is an environment to make everyone feel comfortable, making Nikki feel comfortable.
Marc:You mean flabby arm Nikki?
Guest:Oh, flabby arm Nikki.
Guest:And I was wearing... I was about to do my test show, and I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt when he told me that.
Guest:And I was just like...
Marc:Shattered.
Guest:Shattered.
Guest:And I was wearing one last night and I was just like kind of looking.
Guest:I'm like, yeah, he's right.
Guest:But like, who gives a fuck?
Guest:And I was just like, it wasn't about the, like, I don't really care if he saw that because I honestly don't care.
Guest:I'm secure enough with my body.
Guest:Like, I don't care if my arm flaps, whatever.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's just that he thought he had to point out something like, hey, I know you're a girl who might... I know you probably take stock in your body every single day and hate everything about yourself, but I noticed something that you may not have hated enough about yourself.
Guest:He's the policeman of...
Marc:It was rude and undermining.
Marc:If he really said, well, you know, if you're really ripped, if he really framed it that way, it served no purpose other than to fucking fuck you up.
Guest:That's what he said.
Guest:He said, unless you're really ripped, it's going to do that.
Guest:And I was like, yeah, I know.
Guest:And I'm not.
Guest:And my wardrobe girl heard it and was just like...
Guest:I can't believe he fucking said that.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:It was like the talk of the time.
Guest:It was it was a good moment for me because it was just it.
Guest:Yeah, because it didn't make me mad.
Guest:It didn't make me feel like I'm fat.
Guest:It was just like, why does that guy think he needs to let me know?
Guest:Like, I haven't known that about myself already.
Guest:I take that risk wearing a shirt.
Marc:Well, there's so much like when you have these sort of body issues, there's such a vigilance around self-acceptance that when somebody just does that unsolicited, you don't see it coming.
Marc:You don't expect anyone to do that to you because you're too busy doing it to yourself anyways.
Marc:So when any of that shit gets validated, it's like, what?
Guest:it was insane like only i can say that to me yes that's what it was weird about it was like i couldn't even believe it was happening i was like almost excited that it was happening in front of me because i was like oh my gosh this happens yeah like someone would say this to you because it's never been it's never been validated to me no one's ever actually said it to me like yes yeah i do deserve to like think i'm fat sometimes
Guest:Other people see it.
Guest:Like, yes.
Guest:It felt good.
Marc:I'm right.
Guest:I'm right.
Guest:Someone sees it.
Marc:It's not just YouTube comments.
Marc:Yeah, I'm going to go throw up now because I'm right.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So, yeah, it's nice to have.
Guest:Thank God I've been through all that.
Guest:It would be hard to be anorexic now.
Guest:Holy shit.
Guest:Some days I wish I was, but you know.
Marc:But you just have to frame it like, you know, am I eating well?
Marc:You know, like what do you expect out of yourself?
Marc:Like for me, like that first season for me was like, she kept giving me shirts that were like a little too small.
Marc:Like I'm like sort of in between a medium and a large.
Marc:She kept getting these mediums that were, you know, like I couldn't have movement in them.
Marc:And it drove me fucking nuts because I felt like I was like, I'm going to blame my mediocre acting first season on the fact that I had these shirts.
Guest:It's hard to think of anything else when you're in a tight...
Marc:Well, I wear like, you know, I wear five things, you know, that I've picked out.
Marc:I don't have a big wardrobe.
Marc:So when you do a show, you're like, oh, look at all these clothes that I would never buy in my life.
Marc:And it's nice to have them.
Marc:But some of them were just not.
Marc:And they just send you out.
Marc:They're like, what's the problem?
Marc:I'm like, what do you mean?
Marc:What's the problem?
Marc:Like, do I have four chins?
Marc:Because this shirt makes me feel like I have four chins and it's not even near my chin.
Marc:It's so fucked up.
Guest:That's my problem with women's wear is that our jeans are all so tight.
Guest:And men are now wearing tighter jeans, so you're getting a sense of it.
Guest:I tried that once.
Guest:But when you are a little bit heavier than you usually are, you feel it everywhere.
Guest:Everywhere.
Guest:And that's why it's so nice to wear boy jeans or boyfriend jeans or whatever it is.
Guest:For a woman, it's so great because you don't feel fat every fucking day.
Marc:It's great.
Guest:You're a little bit bloated or whatever.
Marc:Yeah, these are fat pants and I'm afraid to put on the other pants.
Guest:I just... Yeah.
Marc:I'm such a woman.
Guest:I love that you are.
Guest:It really makes us feel less alone.
Guest:I really relate to you on so many levels.
Marc:But yeah, so... The thing with the... Well, my...
Marc:One time, the Girl Gene thing, one time I was working with Janine Garofalo, and I can't remember when it was, but around the time when my wife left me, I just sort of got pretty, like all the stress burning off those calories and not eating right.
Marc:But I remember I was touring with Janine, I think it was around that time.
Marc:And I was really thin.
Marc:And she talked me into going to Levi's store with her.
Marc:I don't remember what city we were in.
Marc:I feel like it was maybe Chicago.
Marc:I think it was Chicago.
Marc:And she's like, it was before they really started making men's skinny jeans, but they had those skinny jeans for women, like the stretchier kind.
Marc:And she goes, all the little rock guys wear these, you should get a pair.
Marc:And she bought me a pair of those jeans.
Marc:And I wore them that night.
Marc:And I was like, this is amazing.
Marc:Look at me.
Marc:And then I looked at a picture of myself.
Marc:Here's why.
Marc:This is the one thing that stops me from like really focusing on getting like anorexic again is that I have a big head.
Marc:And if I get down to like 175, it's just like I look like a bobblehead figure.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:And it's like, what is that?
Marc:And I had long hair then.
Marc:And I'm like, what am I?
Marc:I saw a picture of it.
Marc:I'm like, oh, my God.
Marc:I can't do that.
Marc:And now when you get older, if you get gaunt, your face droops.
Marc:So you just look old.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:So now it's like, I need to hold on to some weight just so my face looks full.
Marc:What am I talking about?
Guest:I know what you're talking about.
Guest:You need fat on your face to stay young.
Guest:That's the double-edged sword.
Marc:Right.
Guest:You need fat for a good-looking face.
Marc:I know.
Marc:otherwise it starts to just slide off slide off and then it loses its definition yeah yeah a tooth in a face not good yeah so like and believe me it doesn't work what bulimia no i never i never did that i never did that like yeah i don't like i just get into the control thing like if i the thing that i do get
Marc:If I get into a starvation system and it takes where I'm feeling that weakness and I can really see it working, I really sort of get off on that being just spaced out like that.
Marc:All the pictures of me when I was at my skinniest, my mouth is just hanging open because I'm barely awake.
Marc:Every one of them just like...
Guest:I have all, I have all my, like my parents destroyed most of my anorexic pictures, but sometimes they'll like, sometimes they'll be like, Hey, send me some like old photos for my TBT, like for Instagram.
Guest:I'll be like, just go through some albums and they'll send me my anorexic pictures, not even knowing that they're the most fucking disturbing things ever.
Marc:Oh,
Guest:Because they were so in denial, I think, that they don't even realize that I was dying in front of them.
Guest:So they'll send me these pictures of me at the computer, probably just looking at food.
Guest:When you're starving, don't you just want to watch the Food Network?
Marc:I used to watch it all the time.
Guest:Yeah, you just want to see people making and eating food.
Marc:But I like, I'll, but I'll do that.
Marc:I mean, I'll go through periods where I make really good food and I'll eat meat and I'll do like, you know, I'll just fucking eat ice cream and shit and I'll think like, maybe I'm through it.
Marc:And then you just hit that point where your pants are and I'm like, what the fuck?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:What the fuck did I do?
Marc:And pinching my, my brother used to pinch himself.
Marc:Like pinch like his fat.
Guest:That.
Marc:To the point where he had bruises.
Guest:Ooh, no.
Marc:That's where we come from.
Marc:He seems to be doing all right with it, but he gets pretty lanky too sometimes.
Marc:We're all so proud.
Marc:I'd go to my brother's house and I'd just see him fucking shoveling mouthfuls of that air stuff, like pirate booty or one of those fucking puff things.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Just like nonstop.
Marc:I'm like, what are you doing, man?
Marc:He's like, I could just keep doing this.
Marc:I'm like, okay, it looks great.
God.
Marc:My whole family's like this fucking nuts.
Guest:It's so funny.
Guest:All of my best friends, like my best girlfriends and guy friends all have like eating disorder past.
Guest:Even if I don't know that they do, I like seek them out.
Guest:It's so weird how I can like just sense that a person does.
Guest:And we all eat the same weird food.
Guest:we all like I'll open their pantry I'm just like oh it's like rice cakes and like the same weird like you know like pudding pops and weird like 60 calorie puddings because you just want to eat as many things as you can you just want to eat a lot you want to eat a lot because people are always shocked at how much I eat because I eat huge volumes of things but it's all very low caloric because I love to eat I just would like to eat a lot
Guest:but low calorie.
Marc:Yeah, and it's so exciting when you find something like that.
Guest:Oh, that it's like volume.
Guest:Yeah, where you're like, I can just keep doing this.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I am a big fro-yo addict.
Marc:Like, this is literally what Topamax has- Were you a Tasty Delight person back when that was around?
Guest:Oh, it's still around.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Are you kidding me?
Guest:It was one of the saddest things I had to leave behind in New York besides my therapist and my best friend.
Marc:Are we going to Tasty?
Marc:Can we go to Tasty?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Tasty D. We went there every single night.
Guest:They would sometimes open the doors if we got there a little late to let us in.
Guest:They'd be like, we know you.
Marc:What size?
Marc:Large.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Well, it's a fill.
Guest:We would go to the fill your own.
Guest:They wouldn't even where you just make your own.
Guest:It's so good.
Guest:It's air.
Guest:It's just sugar air.
Marc:It looks good, though.
Marc:It feels good.
Marc:It feels right.
Marc:Feels right.
Marc:All the fake flavors.
Guest:Oh, man.
Guest:And they got this stuff here in L.A.
Guest:that I'm really into called Carbolite.
Marc:Have you tried it?
Marc:No.
Marc:I'm sort of out of that.
Marc:Get it.
Guest:Don't even do it.
Marc:I've really gotten away from the diet foods.
Guest:That's a great thing.
Guest:It's terrible.
Marc:But you're okay, right?
Guest:Yeah, I'm good.
Marc:I mean, I feel pretty good.
Marc:I feel like I still have all that stuff.
Guest:I've owned it now.
Guest:You know, I used to be very ashamed of, I have to get fro-yo every day.
Guest:It's a big mound of it.
Guest:And people are always like, oh my God.
Guest:And I've just now, I'm like, you know what?
Guest:This is what I do.
Guest:And you know what?
Guest:I order pizza with light cheese.
Guest:And I know it's weird that I blot it.
Guest:You know, I just own my weird things now.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I eat huge salads and I do like- I'm pretty scared of cheese.
Guest:I don't, you know, yes.
Guest:I'm scared of certain foods and I never won't be scared of bread.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:I just won't.
Marc:Pasta.
Marc:I will always be scared of pasta.
Marc:Can't do it.
Marc:I never do it.
Marc:I just can't do it.
Marc:If I do it, I'm like-
Marc:if i i will just be thinking about it the rest of my week like and i like it but i just i was that's some of the stuff that is left over from my mother's training which i don't think is that horrible when i look at cheese or butter all i see is like a brick of fat that's like literally it's like there's nothing good about that and then people are like but cheese is so yummy i'm like it is but i can't what do you how is that good for you look at it look at it
Marc:it's not worth it to me yeah and uh and then like pasta it's like you know once or twice a year i'll eat pasta and you know and it's amazing but it's like how do people eat this more than once a year i do not understand and bread i'll never eat a fucking sandwich if i you know i never put like i'll have like a ezekiel tortilla or maybe pita bread yes i love other things so much more why would i
Marc:But if you're in a restaurant, though, here's my problem.
Marc:If I'm in a restaurant and I decide, I'm going to go ahead and have some bread.
Marc:If it's upscale, like it's focaccia, or there's three types of breads in the basket with olive oil, I'll have one piece, and I'm like, I guess I'm doing this.
Guest:Then you're all in.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:You can't just one.
Marc:No fucking way.
Guest:No, it's all or nothing.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:people have either like they're they're either all in on this or they're all out what's with these maybe they're breadbasket of this or let's talk about like well but now i'm curious so how because with me it just really became about you know uh forcing self-acceptance which i think is what you're saying you do like it's like everyone's got their flaws we've got our habits
Marc:But if you're healthy and you're aware, you can make better decisions for yourself so you don't get lost in that spiral of that shit.
Guest:Yeah, I mean, I just thought I'd never... I always thought I'd be alone with this forever.
Guest:I thought I will never be able to have a boyfriend because I will never let anyone see the way I eat or the way I live or the fact that I...
Guest:eat in the middle of the night sometimes because that's all I want to do or the fact that sometimes I go a week eating the same meal every night you know like sometimes that's just the way I live but now I'm just like so what it's as weird as anything else anyone does you know and so now I'm just like kind of and I just think that's just getting older and just being like who gives a fuck
Marc:But you just don't want to be uncomfortable.
Marc:There is a comfort zone that doesn't have to be too skinny.
Marc:I think what it really comes down to as you get older with this stuff is that there's nothing wrong with me not wanting to be over 185.
Marc:And I'm just not going to let it happen.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And that's that.
Marc:I'm not weighing myself every day.
Marc:But if I feel uncomfortable, I'm going to take action.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:I'm not going to go all the way down.
Marc:There's part of me that would fantasize about it.
Marc:Like, it'd be pretty sweet to drop 10, even though I don't need to.
Marc:But that voice is louder now.
Marc:Like, I don't need I won't look good.
Guest:Well, for me now, I know that it's not about being fat or skinny.
Guest:I know that when I feel fat, my therapist has drilled this into me so hard that when I feel fat, when I look down at myself and I'm like, you're fat, it's because I'm depressed.
Guest:It has nothing to do with me being fat.
Guest:I'm depressed.
Guest:Because whether or not I'm fat, it's irrelevant.
Guest:It's that I don't like myself today.
Guest:I'm depressed.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But can you track that to something other than the fat?
Marc:Yes.
Guest:So I call her and I say, I'm fat today.
Guest:And she goes, what's going on?
Guest:And then we talk about what else is going on.
Guest:Is it a fight with my boyfriend I had?
Guest:Is it something at work?
Guest:Am I feeling unfulfilled with my friendships?
Guest:Something else is going on because it's not fat.
Guest:That has nothing to do
Marc:But that is sort of tracks back to that idea that, you know, it is one of the things like if you start spiraling about that and then you take action, then it's one of these weird obsessive patterns that you can control.
Marc:It's a control thing.
Guest:But it's not controlling anything because it's not getting at the root of what's going on.
Marc:No, no, I get that.
Marc:But it's like it's almost like a spiritual system.
Marc:Like it'll take you out of the feelings or grief or sadness of what's really happening for me to focus.
Marc:Right.
Right.
Guest:And it's, but then it just keeps going back because I'm not even addressing what's really going on.
Guest:It's so fucked up because it's, and it's so hard for me sometimes to realize what it even is because I'm so good at not, at avoiding what it is.
Guest:I've been doing it my whole fucking life.
Marc:We're comedians.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's so stupid.
Marc:We're really good at it.
Marc:We're good at avoiding.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But were you able to track why it happened initially?
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, I was.
Guest:It was really hard for me to do, because I just thought it was like, oh, I just want to look like Jennifer Aniston.
Guest:I just thought that was it.
Guest:I just want to be skinny.
Guest:And so I fought that for a really long time.
Guest:But then it was like, I went to one therapist who brought my mom in
Guest:And then she kind of was like, well, what goes on in your house?
Guest:And she kind of got my mom to admit that she drinks sometimes and that it kind of gets out of control.
Guest:And then she was like, well, why don't you, would you ever consider not drinking?
Guest:And my mom was like, no.
Guest:I would not.
Guest:And she was like, well, how did how would you ever expect Nikki to stop eating or to start eating?
Guest:And she was like, that has nothing to do with anything.
Guest:And she goes, it has everything to do with everything.
Guest:And she goes, this is bullshit.
Guest:And she like literally pulled me out of the therapist's office.
Guest:So I go, there's something there.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Maybe those are connected.
Guest:So I think that it was a lot of me feeling just not very loved or feeling very distant from my mom and not very heard and loved in my life.
Marc:Right, so it becomes this twisted way of self-parenting.
Guest:Exactly, yeah.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And just trying to get attention and being like, help me.
Marc:yeah i went my freshman year of college i went to college and i got down to like 169 and i came home and i was like hi mom look at me exactly i have to sit down i can't stand up you know she said to me and i've talked about this before like within the last decade she said i don't think i could love you if you were fat
Marc:It's a grown man.
Marc:And I'm like, all right, well, that explains everything.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:It's horrible to have that, to have these parents that are so self-involved that they're incapacitated from being selfless enough to parent properly.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And they don't even, they don't get it.
Guest:They'll never get it.
Guest:And that's the thing that was so hard for me to realize is like, I want to confront them and say, you're so selfish.
Guest:You didn't do anything to help me when I was dying.
Guest:And you didn't even notice.
Guest:You just thought I was on a diet that was like pretty kick ass.
Guest:They literally said, you know, your friends who are calling us and are worried about you and your counselors, they're just jealous.
Marc:Oh yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:They're jealous, Nikki.
Marc:Then you start to wonder, like, do you want me to live?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, I know.
Marc:It's fucking painful.
Guest:And so it's just, you know, it, yeah.
Marc:And just to experience the fucking, like, you know, to go to that place, which is, you know, which is the truth of it.
Marc:It's like, when will I start, when will I, how do you exercise those emotions?
Marc:How do you feel the pain of that?
Marc:Like, you know, I know that I haven't done it, really.
Guest:How can you?
Guest:It's coming to terms with that.
Marc:My brother, like, goes, like, he went to an intensive thing, and, like, people go, they're like, I'm going to do it.
Marc:And, you know, you take a week, and I don't know what's going to happen on the other side of that.
Marc:You know, who knows what, you know, but, you know...
Marc:It's supposed to be a proactive thing.
Marc:Like, finally, I can get rid of that.
Marc:But I'm like, the whole fucking house could fall down.
Guest:I think I did at one point.
Guest:Because I remember my therapist very honestly being like, you know, she doesn't like pretty much be like, she doesn't love you.
Guest:like like saying that and i was like there's no way that's true she's my fucking mom you know like stuff like that and being like and fighting it and then kind of accepting it like she she thinks she does but like that's not what it is and being like right she'll never understand that and i never can make her understand what i know to be true and so i kind of went through a mourning of the loss of my yeah what i envision what i want my mom to be right
Guest:And now I've accepted her as a mom.
Guest:I have no expectations for her anymore.
Guest:So she can't hurt me.
Guest:And now we have a great relationship.
Guest:And I have seen the other side of it.
Guest:And so now I feel, although I did have to call my therapist on the way here and be like, can I talk about my mom's drinking?
Guest:Do you think that'd be okay?
Guest:What if she hears it?
Guest:She goes, do you feel like you're responsible for your mom's drinking somehow?
Guest:And I go,
Guest:No, not at all.
Guest:She goes, why are you asking me for permission to be able to talk about it then?
Guest:I'm like, you're right.
Guest:I still do feel like I caused it somehow.
Marc:Or that you have to protect her.
Guest:Yeah, that I have to protect her.
Marc:Yeah, I get that.
Marc:And I think that's right.
Marc:Because I have that same sort of understanding with my parents.
Marc:Is that like, well, they're not really parents.
Marc:There's these people I grew up with.
Marc:And I appreciate them.
Marc:But whatever it is that they thought they were doing didn't provide me with much self-esteem or sense of self or anything.
Marc:So I had to cobble that together on my own.
Marc:And I'm older, and thank God I achieved a few things to validate something.
Marc:And because of that, the rest of it sort of followed.
Marc:So I understand that dynamic.
Marc:And I don't think that I have to cry for three days in a sweat lodge to really process that.
Guest:But you might lose some weight.
Marc:Oh, good point.
Marc:I should sign up for that thing.
Marc:But there's a sadness you have to live with still a little bit.
Marc:It's not incapacitating.
Marc:It's not like you can't function because of it, but there are those moments where you're like, oh, yeah, they weren't really...
Marc:that great i mean i like them you know i talked to him once a week you know i talked to my father this morning wasn't great you know i wasn't i mean it wasn't it wasn't bad because we had problems but i got off and i'm like okay well that's that's who that guy is yeah and then when you talk to your mom like all right that that wasn't satisfying but that's who that person is and you know then you just kind of you know get in your car and go like i'm fucking fat yeah
Marc:You call your therapist and go, I'm fucking fat.
Marc:And they're like, what's going on?
Marc:I just got off the phone with my mother.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:That's it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I don't do that enough.
Marc:I don't do that.
Marc:I don't do that enough because I have, because I get like, I can get like, like what's replaced my sort of weird, the, the, the body shame stuff, which I don't do as much as I used to is like, what's the point?
Marc:That's my new thing.
Marc:Everything's pointless.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And then I'm like, what's really going on?
Marc:Cause like I go right to the existential thing now.
Marc:It's not like I'm fat.
Marc:Cause that's like somehow or another, I can't sell that to myself anymore, which is good.
Marc:But so now it's like, I'm upset about something instead of really acknowledging initially.
Marc:I'm like, this fucking, why do I even do anything?
Guest:I'm there too.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm finding death to be very comforting.
Guest:Like the thought that none of it matters.
Marc:As long as it happens quickly.
Marc:And, you know, I don't know.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Are you there with that?
Guest:Like, are you talking about like none of it matters being like we're all going to die kind of thing?
Marc:No.
Marc:My father does a little bit.
Marc:Some people are negative minded, but I think innately I'm not really negative and I'm not even that cynical.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And I do.
Marc:I believe that, you know, people are good and that things can be OK.
Marc:You know, usually.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But what I really get is more now that I've achieved a little bit of success in my life is, well, what do I really want to do?
Guest:Yeah, was this the goal?
Marc:I've reached the goal.
Marc:When you do what we do, you don't even think about that necessarily, but you do know the difference between a life of trying to get something.
Marc:and then having it you know like you can always have more of it or like but you know i've sort of accepted that you know my place in show business i've carved out this little place for me and i'm not going to be louie i'm not going to be you know like you know selling out arenas i'm not even sure i could handle that so i'm i'm getting what i could handle so i've achieved success and i'm proud of it but now it's sort of like there's a part of me that's sort of like well we've been trying to get here for 45 years so now you've got this what do you have any hobbies and
Marc:Is there anything you'd like to, you know, what do you want to do?
Marc:How do you enjoy life now?
Marc:Like everything has been about the compulsive struggle to, you know, to write the jokes, to, you know, to get some, to make a living, to sort of get some recognition for what you do.
Marc:And now I'm here, then there's a real big part of me that's sort of like, okay, I did it.
Marc:So now what?
Marc:There's part of me that does that.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But thank God I like talking to people.
Marc:Like some people experience joy.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What do you know about that?
Guest:I feel like I'm going to, I have a plan.
Marc:For joy?
Marc:You have a joy plan?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I'm going to surround myself, I'm going to do a bird rescue.
Guest:I like birds a lot.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I want to do like a. Yeah?
Guest:Yeah, I'm going to surround myself with birds.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Birds?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Isn't that interesting?
Guest:That's the only thing that's like, I'm excited about getting old is being like an old woman who has like a lot of birds that she talks to.
Marc:Birds?
Marc:When did that start?
Guest:I got a bird when I was like really young, fifth grade, and I loved it.
Guest:And then I got a parrot after that.
Guest:And then ever since then, I just go to bird shops sometimes and just hang out with birds because they're just like hanging out all over the shop.
Marc:They're so fun.
Marc:I can appreciate a good parrot.
Guest:They're so cool.
Marc:But like, I thought cats were sort of detached and unemotional.
Marc:A bird, it's sort of like, do you like me?
Marc:I don't know.
Guest:They're mean.
Marc:You're pretty though.
Guest:And they're so smart and they shouldn't be, you should only rescue birds.
Guest:Birds are like not supposed to be pets, but like there's so many now and they live to be like 90.
Marc:And they're like the closest thing to dinosaurs.
Marc:They're like, you know, I don't pay a lot of attention to them until I'm sort of like, holy shit, look at that bird.
Guest:They're so fucking smart.
Marc:When you see the flocks of parrots around here sometimes.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:I haven't seen them yet.
Marc:Everyone gets very excited.
Marc:We saw them twice on the shoot where you hear them and then you look up, you're like, there they are, the Pasadena parrots.
Marc:But there's several different neighborhoods that claim the parrots.
Marc:And there's several different mythologies about how they got here.
Marc:When did you start doing comedy?
Guest:When I was 19, 18, 19?
Guest:In college?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Where'd you go to college?
Guest:First year I went to University of Colorado Boulder and then I transferred to KU for the rest of it.
Marc:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:How was that?
Marc:Kansas?
Guest:It was all right.
Guest:It was good.
Guest:It was good because I got in the comedy scene in Kansas City and it was good for me.
Marc:Why comedy for you?
Marc:I mean, what was it that compelled you?
Guest:Because I was anorexic and I looked like a skeleton and the only way I could make friends was to be really over the top funny.
Marc:And you were in high school, too?
Guest:No, in high school, I was just normal and kind of quiet.
Guest:I had really funny friends, but I wasn't the funniest one.
Guest:But in college, I went off by myself, and I looked really scary.
Guest:I honestly think the only reason that I was able to have any kind of friends is because I was just really funny.
Guest:Because my friends told me later, they were like, looking back at pictures, you were terrifying.
Guest:You looked like you were about to die.
Guest:But you got up on stage.
Guest:But you were so funny we didn't see it.
Guest:We didn't see it because people would come up to them all the time and be like, we're scared about Nikki.
Guest:And they'd be like, what are you talking about?
Guest:And so then that's when people started telling me, like, you should do comedy.
Guest:And then there was, like, some kind of show on campus that I signed up for and then I did it.
Guest:And I was like, oh, my God.
Guest:And then that – honestly, it's so – it feels like the cheesiest thing.
Guest:But, like, that was when I was like, oh, I might – I'll probably live now.
Guest:Like, I might just try to start living because I was just going to starve myself until my heart gave up because I was like –
Guest:I don't want to live because like I never can eat again because I can't, I just can't do it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like it seems like food was just like poison.
Guest:Like I literally couldn't put it in my mouth.
Guest:And so I was just like, I'm just going to die and wait for that to happen.
Guest:But then when I was like, Oh, comedy is so cool.
Guest:And I was became like addicted to that more than I was starving.
Guest:So that, that gave me a reason to like, Oh, maybe I'll start like trying to like the immediate validation thing.
Guest:Yeah, just being obsessed with something new and obsessed with watching Sarah Silverman and wanting to be her, whatever it was that I wanted to do.
Guest:That gave me a new reason to live, essentially.
Guest:Because I thought I wanted to be an actress, but I was shitty at it.
Guest:So then I was like, well, I just will kill myself then.
Guest:Because I can't do that.
Marc:Was Sarah the inspiration?
Guest:Yeah, like Sarah and Wendy Leibman, because I didn't know when people started telling me you should be a comic.
Guest:I didn't know that like women did it really.
Guest:Like I wasn't like into.
Marc:Wendy's like a real sort of trooper.
Marc:I mean, she's been doing it for a long time.
Marc:We started together.
Guest:She was the one I saw early on.
Guest:Like I remembered seeing like my dad showing her me like when I was little.
Guest:And then when I just looked up like female comics, I saw her and Sarah Silverman and I was just.
Guest:obsessed and then I was like okay I can do this that's because that's what I want to do they like do it the best of it I've seen it right so then I was like I'll just try to do that and then I did that for several years just that because I had never even had sex or anything but I just started doing like jokes about having sex oh really yeah and like having abortions just lying just being trying like literally talking like Sarah Silverman like I would like talk like this and like be like well I don't even know like I would like do her wow and like
Marc:That's normal.
Guest:I remember Harlan Williams.
Guest:Someone told me that Harlan Williams saw me when I was doing a guest set on one of his shows in Kansas City, and he said, she's a low-rent Sarah Silverman, and I was so hurt, but I was.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But that's what you do.
Guest:Everyone sounds like someone in the beginning.
Guest:Yeah, you don't know how to do it.
Guest:I love doing it.
Guest:I had an MC a couple weekends ago, and I was watching him, and I go, I'm going to ask him his favorite comic when he gets off stage, and he's going to say Rory Scovel.
Marc:Oh, you saw the MC?
Marc:Sure.
Guest:You see the MC, and you go, I know who his favorite comic is.
Guest:You can see it right away.
Marc:When I was coming up, there was just literally in New York, there was like 20 It Tells.
Guest:Yes, yes.
Marc:You know, four Todd Berries, a few Hedbergs.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You see it all the time.
Guest:And so, yeah, it was just another Sarah Silverman.
Marc:When did you feel yourself evolving out of that?
Marc:So you did, how long have you been doing it now?
Guest:2005, I guess?
Guest:No, 2004.
Guest:2003 was like the first time, but really kicked in.
Marc:11, 12 years?
Guest:Yeah, 11, 12 years.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So you went through the evolutions.
Marc:When did you start to realize that you were talking?
Marc:Were you able to talk about having sex for the first time on stage?
Guest:I feel like I didn't get comfortable really until 2008 maybe.
Marc:To really talk about your life in a way?
Guest:Yeah, because I got on TV too early.
Marc:How early?
Guest:like two years in and was not.
Marc:Before you were formed.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What was it?
Guest:I was just like a one-liner comic, last coming standing.
Marc:Oh, that's right.
Marc:You did that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And yeah, it was good.
Guest:And I was, I was good for how long I'd been doing it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And you know, it was fine.
Guest:But it, yeah, it gave me a false sense of like,
Guest:you know, that I can do it.
Guest:Like I knew where I was.
Marc:No, it gave you a real sense you could do it.
Guest:Yes, but I moved to LA too soon, but it was fine.
Guest:I moved to LA right out of college and then I kind of struggled here for a little bit.
Guest:I got on The Tonight Show and then I literally moved to St.
Guest:Louis like the next day.
Guest:Back to St.
Marc:Louis.
Guest:Back home, yeah.
Marc:So you got The Tonight Show how many years in?
Guest:Three years in.
Marc:Oh my God.
Marc:And then what happened?
Marc:Did you just, was that the next bout of anorexia?
Guest:No, that came like a year before.
Guest:Like I got into Montreal and then I got like- New faces.
Guest:Yeah, new faces was in 2007.
Guest:And I like starved myself before that because I was just like nervous and was like, this is my chance or whatever.
Guest:And so I fainted on stage that summer, just a one-nighter thing.
Guest:And I drove down there after temping all day and didn't eat.
Guest:And I like probably smoked pot and went running right before it.
Marc:Sure, get it all done.
Guest:All of it.
Marc:And then I got down there.
Guest:You went down there.
Guest:And I was on stage and in the middle of a joke.
Guest:And I'd never fainted before.
Guest:Like, been close, but never.
Guest:And it started just tunnel vision.
Guest:And I was like, guys, I think I'm going to faint.
Marc:Were you MC?
Guest:No, I was first comic up.
Guest:And you get one meal there.
Guest:And I was broke, so I was so excited to eat that one big fucking salad I ordered.
Guest:And I was waiting for it.
Guest:And they were like, can you go up?
Guest:And I was like, I want to eat first.
Guest:And they were like, can you just go up?
Guest:Your food will be up after you go up.
Guest:And I was like, okay.
Guest:And so I go up and I'm like, I think I'm going to faint.
Guest:And I said to this one, I go, is that weird?
Guest:And she was like, yeah.
Guest:And I was like, is it?
Guest:And then I just down.
Guest:And I woke up and I thought it was a bad dream that I fainted on stage.
Guest:And I woke up being like, oh, thank God that didn't happen.
Guest:And I'm holding the mic still up to my face and everyone's around me.
Guest:And I'm just like...
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:And I woke up and I ran into the women's bathroom.
Guest:There's a huge crowd, too.
Guest:It was a big restaurant.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Everyone's dead silent.
Guest:I run to the restroom and I was sitting in the women's stall just like, oh, my God, like my life is over, like my career is over.
Guest:I was just thinking like everything's over for me.
Guest:This is going to get on online and everyone's going to know that I'm anorexic and all these things.
Guest:And then I just got filled with that anger where you're so embarrassed, you're angry.
Guest:And I ran out of the bathroom because there were no, no one came in to help me because it was all men helping me.
Guest:And I ran the women's room.
Guest:So I'm in there alone and I'm just angry.
Guest:And I ran out to the whole restaurant that was just quiet because they were so stunned.
Guest:I was just like, is anyone going to fucking help me?
Guest:And then I ran into the kitchen.
Marc:That'll make it better.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest:And just was like, give me food.
Guest:And I'm just, like, grabbing food and just shoving it in my face and crying.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:It was so – it was the worst moment of my life.
Guest:And, yeah.
Guest:Then I eventually came out of the kitchen.
Guest:Everyone applauded.
Guest:And I'm so embarrassed.
Guest:Like, just the most – because you're caught.
Guest:I was caught for being anorexic.
Guest:Like, everyone knew.
Guest:I was very thin.
Guest:Like, busted.
Guest:I was so humiliating.
Yeah.
Guest:So I fainted on stage.
Marc:They were applauding that you went and ate?
Guest:Yeah, they probably were.
Guest:That was the main thing.
Guest:I was just like, ugh, you dummy.
Guest:You don't have control of your fucking disease, was what it was.
Guest:And that was when I was like, I probably should start eating again.
Marc:And that was right before Montreal?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And did you eat up there?
Guest:Not really.
Guest:No.
Guest:And I was like, you went up there too early.
Guest:I made no sort of impact whatsoever.
Guest:I remember like I came back from it and an agent was at the improv who had seen me up there.
Guest:And it was in front of a bunch of people and he goes, Nikki Glaser, you guys should have seen her in Montreal.
Guest:She
Guest:he was so drunk and i thought he was gonna be like she was so amazing and i was like beaming he's so drunk and i was like oh god i was a mess and then i moved back home to st louis after the tonight show yeah and you got the tonight how'd you do on the tonight show i did great oh good i killed i did great they called me day off because paula abdul dropped out and they i was on the board for like a while i had been like slated to be on for a year
Guest:Yeah, with Jay.
Guest:And then they called me the day of.
Guest:I was like hungover and I just showed up like three hours later and and just did it.
Guest:Yeah, it was.
Guest:Thank God it was like day of because I would.
Marc:And then you're like, I'm going to go home now.
Guest:And then the next day I was like, and I just I thought everything was going to change.
Guest:Nothing obviously changed the day after.
Guest:The day after, it was maybe the week later.
Marc:Why isn't anyone talking to me?
Marc:Where's the celebration?
Guest:Yeah, I wasn't so naive to be like, everyone's going to come calling, but nothing changes.
Marc:So that was sort of like the first blow of show business.
Guest:I went to Subway the next day, and I remember ordering a sandwich, and the girl looked up and goes...
Guest:were you on this tonight show last night?
Guest:And I was like, yes.
Guest:And she was like, I recognize your voice.
Guest:It's like all horse and shit.
Guest:Like, I was like, oh my God.
Guest:Oh, thank you.
Guest:Cause I like smoked and drank too much at the time.
Guest:So that was the only time I ever got recognized.
Guest:Um, then I moved back home for a year and a half and then I moved to New York.
Marc:When you went back home, did you fucking get shit under control or what?
Marc:Were you drinking too much?
Marc:Is that another problem?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I moved back home and I, yeah, I was drinking too much there and I had a blast, but like I moved back home and it was just kind of a mess.
Marc:So you're not eating, you're just boozing and you're fucking- Yeah, I got fat.
Guest:And you're smoking.
Guest:I got fat at home and then I moved to New York in 2010 because I was just like, I can't keep staying here.
Guest:I became a headliner when I moved back to St.
Guest:Louis.
Guest:I was working hard, but I was just a mess.
Marc:Regionally?
Guest:Yeah, driving everywhere.
Guest:So I saved up money.
Marc:Ohio and Minneapolis, Indiana.
Guest:Go bananas, Bloomington, all the good places.
Guest:And then I moved to New York because Amy Schumer was like, move here.
Guest:I'll get you hooked up.
Guest:She was very supportive.
Guest:Where'd you hook up with her?
Guest:We met on Myspace in 2007.
Guest:I just saw her on there and was like, I love what you're doing.
Guest:Let's be friends.
Guest:And she was like, I love what you're doing.
Guest:And then we became friends.
Guest:And we met in Montreal.
Guest:We were both new faces in 2007.
Guest:And we fell in love.
Guest:And so she was like, move to New York.
Guest:I'll introduce you to who you need to be introduced to.
Guest:And she just took me under her wing.
Guest:And she's awesome.
Guest:So I moved to New York for her.
Guest:And then I got sober a year and a half later.
Marc:Like Sober Sober?
Marc:Like Recovery Sober?
Guest:No, just like I read an Alan Carr book.
Guest:The one about cigarettes?
Guest:Well, I read that one in 2008, and then I read the other one in 2011.
Marc:There's a booze one?
Guest:Yeah, The Easy Way to Stop Drinking.
Marc:And that did it?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's amazing.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:You know, Ryan Singer talks about that Alan Carr book.
Marc:He's given it to me three or four times because eventually he smokes again.
Guest:Oh my God.
Guest:It's so.
Marc:Three or four copies of those.
Guest:It's so good.
Marc:It's either that or Topamax.
Guest:Yeah, dude.
Guest:I'm serious.
Guest:Life is good.
Guest:I like don't need Froyo all the time.
Guest:I just get it like when I want.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:Is that the only thing you're on?
Guest:Zoloft, Welbutrin, Topamax, bam.
Marc:That's the cocktail.
Guest:And then melatonin.
Marc:To sleep.
Guest:To sleep.
Marc:Oh, you're all set.
Marc:Good for you.
Guest:You figured it all out.
Guest:You're happy.
Guest:Although I always forget to renew my prescription.
Guest:And so.
Marc:Do you feel a difference of which one?
Guest:All of them.
Guest:I always forget like this weekend I have to go without any of them.
Guest:And so I'm going to be off in like two weeks.
Guest:I'm going to have a real.
Marc:Should have interviewed you on Monday.
Guest:No, you shouldn't.
Guest:I was so depressed this week.
Guest:I was off.
Marc:You were off this week?
Guest:Oh, big time.
Guest:I had a big depressed week.
Guest:Bad.
Marc:A lot of 10 minute calls to this.
Guest:yes yes i i was it was terrible i usually don't have i don't get depressed anymore like those low low ones where i want to like lie in bed and just think about dying yeah i'd never have them anymore i used to get them all the time but i had them this week twice and they usually last like days but these only lasted five hours and but i just couldn't i had to leave work which i never have to do but i had to like go home it was bad but um so why are you so chipper today
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I think because I got back on.
Marc:No medicine yet?
Marc:Oh, you got back on.
Guest:I got back on the medicine, but I think it's also because, I don't know.
Guest:I just think I'm fighting it because I got.
Marc:Overcompensating.
Guest:There was two days of it, and I just was like, I can't have that happen again.
Guest:It's so miserable.
Marc:Not during shooting anyways.
Guest:And especially not during this podcast.
Guest:I was like.
Marc:Oh, this one?
Guest:Someone reminded me on Tuesday when I was depressed, like, you have to do WTF on Friday.
Guest:I was like, not this week.
Guest:Like, I can't be in this state of mind going into that.
Marc:I hope I gave you some incentive to chip her up.
Guest:You did.
Guest:Even though we came in here and just talked about my food issues.
Marc:My food issues.
Guest:And yours.
Marc:Yeah, it wouldn't have been right for you just to talk about it.
Guest:No, it's really good that you are able to talk about that, too.
Guest:Because it's nice that you, because you're right, not a lot of men talk about it.
Guest:But all men have it, too, especially in L.A.
Guest:I know.
Guest:It's so funny how every guy in L.A.
Guest:has a scale in their bathroom.
Guest:In no other city will you find that.
Marc:How did you figure that out?
Guest:Just dating men in L.A.
Guest:when I used to live here.
Marc:How long have you been with your boyfriend?
Guest:Three years.
Marc:Oh, that's good.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And he's working on the show.
Marc:So you had that show on MTV for a while, right?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Two seasons.
Guest:Nikki and Sarah Live.
Marc:With Sarah Schaefer?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I like her.
Marc:Yeah, she's great.
Marc:And that went good for you?
Marc:I mean.
Guest:It was good.
Guest:They just didn't like.
Guest:Yeah, it just ended.
Marc:And what's the birth of this new one?
Guest:This one came out of me.
Guest:My boyfriend and I met on Nikki and Sarah Live.
Guest:He was a producer.
Guest:And then we were still dating.
Guest:And then he was like, what's your next show?
Guest:Comedy Central was interested in working with me.
Guest:And we came up with this idea because he was like, well, you're like the biggest perv I've ever met.
Guest:So we should probably do something with that.
Guest:And I was like, you're right.
Guest:Like, I like talking about sex.
Guest:And that's...
Marc:What kind of perv are you?
Guest:I'm into dirty, weird stuff.
Guest:I like talking about dirty stuff.
Guest:I just like hearing about people's sex lives.
Guest:I'm not grossed out by anything.
Guest:And I'm just interested.
Guest:So it's all under the guise of me being a curious perv.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But are you more the curator or do you get yourself into weirdness?
Guest:I get myself into a lot of weirdness.
Guest:I've been to a foot fetish party.
Guest:I helped guys improve their dick pics and I ended up having to handle their dicks and put them into these dioramas that we made.
Guest:And so I had to touch a lot of dicks.
Marc:And your boyfriend's like, yeah, just touch the dick.
Guest:yeah like he really was like into it you did what like oh but he yeah but he's he's fine with it i um we're we talked about my boyfriend and i have always like talked about opening up our relationship because i like to hear stories of him like being with other women like i've always liked to hear about his past i just it turns me on and so but he's out of stories so i was like you need to go make some new ones so i interviewed girls to fuck my boyfriend yeah on the show so we did that and then did he fuck one
Guest:No, we didn't land on a good one.
Guest:I almost don't want it to be someone I pick.
Guest:I just want him to go do it and then have me find out about it.
Guest:And I almost want it to be maybe someone he's already hooked up with or something like that.
Guest:He almost did it once.
Guest:He made out with a girl once when I told him to, which was testing it, and I loved it.
Guest:In front of you?
Guest:No, he was at a bachelor party weekend.
Marc:And you loved hearing about it?
Guest:Loved it.
Marc:Huh.
Guest:Yeah, because everyone's like, are you really going to love it?
Guest:And I was like, yeah, I am.
Guest:I fucking loved it.
Guest:I not.
Guest:Yeah, I like that.
Guest:So and then also, yeah.
Guest:And then this week.
Marc:Does he want you to fuck somebody?
Guest:No, no, it's not a two way street.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And you don't want to.
Guest:you know i would of course i want to fuck other people like i'm not i still like have desires but um no i i but this is something that i want so it's it's yeah so how long but like at what point does that show because where's your line
Guest:There have been things that I've been uncomfortable with.
Guest:We want to put his parents on a lie detector because I've done my parents on a lie detector and asked them questions about their sex life.
Guest:And I've had my guy friends on a lie detector and asked them if they want to fuck me and done stuff like that.
Guest:And now they're like, let's have Chris's parents on it.
Guest:And you ask them if you're a good enough girl for him.
Guest:And I'm like, that makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to...
Guest:I want to have relationships with these people ultimately.
Guest:So that's like there's certain lines.
Marc:Right.
Guest:But like I. It's an emotional line.
Marc:It's not a sexual line.
Marc:It's interesting.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:And let's talk about this therapist.
Marc:So this sounds unhealthy to me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Donna.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Donna.
Marc:Um, now do you like have lunch with Donna and stuff?
Marc:No.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:No.
Marc:So still there's boundaries, professional boundaries.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She doesn't, she doesn't see anything that I do.
Guest:Like she doesn't watch my standup.
Marc:She doesn't know anything.
Guest:She's I'm positive.
Guest:She doesn't care.
Marc:So what would cause you to want to break up with her?
Guest:Because all my friends told me I should.
Marc:Because why?
Guest:Because she'll tell me things like, you're not a beauty.
Guest:You're not beautiful.
Guest:You're not a model.
Guest:So who cares what you look like?
Guest:She's 80.
Marc:She's 80.
Guest:She's an old Jewish 80-year-old woman who's like, you're not beautiful.
Guest:Are you Jewish?
Guest:You're okay looking.
Guest:No.
Guest:So I'll be like, I talk about, I'm worried about this thing I'm taping this weekend.
Guest:I have to find a dress for it.
Guest:Why are you wearing a dress?
Guest:Why don't you just wear what you normally wear?
Guest:Because I want to look nice for it.
Guest:Why do you want to look nice?
Guest:You're not a beauty.
Guest:You're a comedian.
Guest:And I'll be like, because I want to look pretty.
Guest:But you're not pretty.
Guest:She'll say that stuff to me.
Guest:And I go, Donna, you can't say these things to me.
Guest:And she goes, well, you need to get it through your head.
Guest:You're not a model.
Guest:What is this?
Guest:And I'll start weeping.
Guest:Stuff like that.
Marc:Where's that show?
Guest:No shit, right?
Guest:I've asked her to be on my show.
Guest:And she goes, no, I'm terrible on camera.
Guest:I would never do that.
Marc:Get her on the fucking phone.
Guest:She's amazing.
Guest:She is so funny.
Marc:You can't get her on the phone.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You got to set up a situation that might be delicate for the show and then call her to ask her what she thinks.
Guest:You're not funny.
Guest:I'm funny.
Guest:You're the least funny client I have.
Guest:I'll tell you, you're not funny at all.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You're not funny.
Oh.
Guest:I can't even believe you're a comedian.
Guest:You're not funny.
Guest:I'll tell you who's funny.
Guest:I'm funny.
Guest:So I send my boyfriend's brother to her, and he's even told me that she's asked him, is Nikki funny?
Guest:Like, I haven't seen her stand-up.
Guest:Is she funny?
Guest:Because she's not funny in here.
Guest:I go, because I'm not trying to be funny in here.
Guest:I'm very serious in here.
Marc:I guess this is the kind of mother you need.
Guest:No shit.
Marc:Who's like, you know, honestly going to do this.
Marc:It doesn't sound great, but I can understand why you like it.
Guest:She's tough.
Guest:I love it.
Guest:I love it.
Guest:She's just she's mean.
Guest:She's mean to me.
Marc:Don't you see a connection between her treating you like that and you wanting to hear about your boyfriend fucking other women?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:So you're like this weird.
Marc:This is weird, submissive thing.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I like being told what to do.
Guest:Like she'll give me like, she'll be like, no, you're going to do this.
Guest:If I need to write like an email to someone, she's like, take out your phone.
Guest:I'll tell you what to write.
Guest:And I'll just write it.
Guest:Like she tells me what to do.
Guest:And I love it.
Guest:I hate like these, like, I would suggest you do that.
Guest:Like, just tell me what to do.
Guest:I love it.
Guest:All right.
Guest:And that's like the worst thing that a therapist can do.
Guest:I think it's to like, just tell you how to live your life.
Guest:But like,
Guest:Yeah, I love her.
Guest:If I have a daughter, I'm going to name her Donna.
Guest:I'm going to name my daughter after my therapist.
Marc:And you're going to ask your daughter to yell at you.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Please.
Marc:Tell me mommy's ugly.
Marc:Say how ugly mommy is.
Guest:She's so funny.
Guest:She goes, I'm very thin.
Guest:And if I overeat one day, I don't eat the next day.
Guest:She has no concept of what to say to an anorexic girl.
Guest:I'm not even kidding.
Guest:This woman is so expensive.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's insane what I pay for this lady.
Guest:Okay, Nikki.
Guest:Amy once told me, she was like, she goes, I go, Amy, I can't stop seeing her.
Guest:This is years and years ago.
Guest:She goes, I go, Amy, I can't stop seeing her.
Guest:I owe her so much money.
Guest:And she goes, Nikki, I will pay whatever you owe her right now for you to stop seeing her anymore.
Guest:It was like 20 grand or something.
Guest:She was like, I will write a check right now.
Guest:Amy almost came in one time with me to see her because she hated Donna so much.
Guest:She was like, I want to go in.
Guest:And Donna was like, send her in with me.
Guest:Come on, bring her in.
Guest:And it just didn't work out with schedule.
Guest:That's how much Amy was like, I don't like this woman.
Guest:And Donna's always like, I saw Amy.
Guest:I read Amy's article in the New York Times.
Guest:And you know what?
Guest:I don't agree with what she said.
Guest:We're always talking about what Amy said because she knows that Amy hates her.
Marc:You love this.
Guest:It's just like I just love she just makes my life more interesting.
Guest:Like sometimes I just do things for the story.
Marc:Mm hmm.
Marc:That doesn't sound like what's happening.
Guest:She does.
Guest:The thing is, she provides me with a lot of guidance.
Guest:Like, I don't know what I'd panic without her.
Guest:Like, she's the first person I call when something bad happens.
Guest:And I'm like, I need to know what's the right thing to do.
Marc:And she's just because she's so straightforward and a little abusive.
Marc:There's an honesty to it.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:That that you react to.
Guest:I just think she's right.
Guest:I just think she's right.
Guest:She convinces me she is.
Marc:OK.
Marc:Well, as long as you do you ever.
Marc:Does she make you cry and ruin your day?
Guest:Only once.
Guest:And it was very early on.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:And I think it was because I knew she was right and I just wasn't ready to accept it.
Guest:It's an interesting... I think I just lived with so much uncertainty growing up where my mom would be like, I don't know what you should do, Nick.
Marc:Yeah, I hate that.
Marc:I have that too.
Marc:Do you want me to say no?
Marc:Did you ever get that one?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:It's the worst.
Marc:It's the worst.
Guest:Yes, yes.
Guest:Or, you know, Nick, you could do either one.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, if you go, you could, it could be really fun.
Guest:But also if you don't, like there's always like, I just want people to make decisions for me.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I'm very bad at making decisions.
Guest:So it's very nice to learn how to from an old person.
Marc:I had that too.
Marc:The way it manifests in me, though, is just anxiety.
Marc:The fact that I have a house and everything was only because a woman pushed me to do it.
Marc:But now it's falling apart and I need to do something.
Marc:I get exhausted.
Marc:I just got to call the guy.
Marc:To come trim the tree.
Marc:When's that going to happen?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:And it's because of that.
Marc:Because I get overwhelmed with the anxiety of just being decisive.
Marc:And then if I do make a decision, as soon as I do it, I'm like, that's the fucking wrong decision.
Marc:God damn it.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:What's Donna's number?
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:I want everyone to see her.
Guest:I've turned so many people on to her.
Marc:And it's working for people?
Guest:It really is.
Guest:A lot of comics.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, it was good talking to you.
Guest:It was great talking to you, Mark.
Guest:Thank you for having me.
Marc:Was this exciting and new?
Marc:And do we have a nice chat?
Guest:I think we did.
Marc:We did.
Guest:We did?
Guest:Did you just ask me if we did?
Marc:I did, but I'm telling you now.
Marc:Okay, good.
Marc:We had a nice chat.
Marc:Thanks.
Marc:I really feel like the urge to tell you to do something.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Okay, yes, we did.
Guest:What should I go do?
Marc:Thanks, Nikki.
Guest:Thank you, Mark.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:All right, so that was fun.
Marc:I like her.
Marc:I like Nikki Glaser.
Marc:So, yeah, watch the season finale of her Comedy Central show, Not Safe with Nikki Glaser.
Marc:That's tomorrow.
Marc:All right, so what do we have to look forward to on Thursday?
Marc:A lot.
Marc:We're going to find out what happened for real in Nebraska.
Marc:Am I going to fucking play guitar?
Marc:I can.
Marc:Hold on.
Guest:I always ask you about the guitar like you're expecting it.
Guest:Boomer lives!