Episode 692 - Al Lubel
all right let's do this how are you what the fuckers what the fuck buddies what the fucking ears what the fuck wads what the fuck nuts oh i don't know how's that one i did get an email though right out of the gate small request
I don't know if this will get to Mark, but here it goes.
Hey, Mark, first off, thanks for the weekly pods.
They're a great listen when I'm walking to class, studying, or just hanging around.
In your podcasts, you say hello to people, scientists, people driving, et cetera.
I was wondering if you could give us struggling college students a shout-out on a pod.
Thanks again.
P.S.
I think I've listened to your interview with James Taylor 20 times.
Sweet baby, James.
Thanks for everything, Ben.
Ben.
ben i don't i don't know what you're up to dude i don't know what you're up to but you struggling college students this is this is your very special shout out ben to you and your peers don't waste all four years of the time you're spending with money you've borrowed that you may never get to pay back because the system stinks don't waste it all just
smoking weed and drinking and not going to class or focusing on what you should be doing.
This is the time, man.
Here's how I fucked up.
This is one of the great fuck-ups.
I went to college, and you know what I majored in?
I didn't know.
I didn't know for four years I was able to cobble together some fucking major because I just went with my interests.
So I was able to cobble together a English major with a focus in romantic literature and a film studies minor, which you know what that allows me to do in the world?
This.
So I guess for you struggling college students, don't waste that time.
Don't waste that money.
I know there are no guarantees in life, but learn how to amplify what you want to be great about yourselves.
You know you got interest.
If you're just there buying time thinking they're going to wire your brain with some shit that you can use.
No, sir.
No, ma'am.
Oh.
Pow!
Look out.
Just shit in my pants.
JustCoffee.coop.
That was a classic ad brought to you by me and copywritten by me.
So Ben, yes, I am getting a cold.
Thank you for asking.
Thank you for noticing that my voice is a little compromised.
Just a little tired, I think.
Picked up a cold.
Also had Daniel Klaus in here who was coughing all over my garage.
Still a genius.
Still a great conversation.
But nonetheless, did cough a bit.
So I think I've got graphic novelist cold virus germs coursing through my system, probably being very creative within my veins and my brain and my lungs, if they are the same ones that found their strength within the great Daniel Klaus, who will be on a show in the near future.
Today's guest is Al Lubel.
I didn't forget about you, Ben.
I'm going to get back to it.
Al Lubel, comedian...
Al Lubel was a pretty important comedian to me and many others early on.
I want to make sure I get his dates right.
Friday, April 15th, Al Lubel will be at the Throckmorton Theater in Mill Valley, California doing his solo show, Al Alone.
And he will also be at the clubhouse tonight here in Los Angeles on Vermont at 11 o'clock tonight on Gangbusters.
That's a show they have over there.
I think it's an improv or sketch show that Al will be doing some time on.
And I think that...
You should take the opportunity to see Al Lubel.
Al Lubel, I'm going to work with this name, a lot of L's.
Not my specialty, L's.
Al Lubel is a very unique and singular comedian.
So singular and so self-involved, he might have just fallen into himself completely to generate this one-man show he's doing.
But let me talk a little bit more about Al later.
But let's get back to Ben.
Ben, you wanted this attention.
You wanted this struggling college student attention.
Please, please, if you're in college, please study something you're interested in.
Get in it.
You know, there's a lot of teachers there that that can probably fucking show up for you if you know what you want from them.
This is no time to be figuring out, you know, how to to vape while you sleep.
OK, there's no time to be, you know, necessarily, you know, doing mushrooms for nine days straight and then, you know, forgetting your name and winding up in water somewhere.
You can do that.
But I'm just saying, don't waste it, man.
If you're if you're not going to get a degree that means anything, at least get the education that will broaden your mind and get you interested and creative about other things.
That's old Mark talking to the young people in the only way I know how.
Look, I'm not saying don't do drugs.
Knock yourself out.
Just don't knock yourself out of the game.
Dig?
Doug.
Okay, so Ben, are you happy?
Struggle away with all your friends.
I appreciate you listening to the show.
I'm going to a concert on Friday.
I'm going to see Joanna Newsom.
Joanna Newsom was mentioned right here on this podcast by Andy Samberg, her husband.
And it turns out, oddly, she doesn't do many interviews, but she's going to come talk to me at some point.
So I had I've been sort of immersing myself in her in her records.
and she's one of those people where you listen to her once and you're like oh man i don't know but then like you're like but wait she's she's touched she's touched by genius she's some sort of savant of sorts playing her harp and then you kind of sit with the record a little longer and you're like holy this is the best thing i've ever heard so i've been listening to a lot of joanna newsome and turns out my girl sarah kane the painter
knew her back in the day.
They were buddies.
So Sarah Kane, the painter, had a self-published CD of Joanna Newsom's that she found for me, and I got that.
I don't even know if it's available on iTunes.
I don't think so, but I was able to rip it and listen to the pre-blossoming material of Joanna Newsom.
But anyways, long story long.
I'm going to see Joanna Newsome tomorrow night.
Okay, so let's get down to brass tacks or turtles or whatever it is.
Did I mention I will be at the Mission Creek Festival at the Englert Theater in Iowa City, Iowa on Friday, April 8th?
Did I mention that I will be at the Rococo Theater in Lincoln, Nebraska on Saturday, April 9th?
Or did I mention I will be at the Harvest Bank Theater at the Midland in Kansas City, Missouri on April 10th?
Come on, Kansas City.
Let's make this happen, can we?
Huh?
Huh?
Let's make it happy.
So, from here on out, it's just me and you talking.
I'm going to ease right into Alubel.
Okay?
I'm just telling you that right now.
I want to talk to you about the buzz because now we're involved in this.
We're all together in this buzz narrative.
That is the...
yeah that's coming through my phono when i want to play a record in my office so i pestered my landlady yolanda who then called at&t because as i told you before i'm basically sitting inside a cell tower
that I didn't know about.
But then I started to think like, well, is it safe?
Is it safe to be in a cell tower?
And I asked Yolanda about the woman who had the office before me and she said, well, she was sort of a conspiracy theorist.
I'm like, when did that start?
How long was she in that office?
What's going on?
To have that many people's conversations plowing through your synapses every day through radio waves and your personal electronics
How are the electronics outside affecting my personal wiring?
So AT&T sent electrician over today.
I went over there today or yesterday would be if you're listening to this on Thursday.
And I sat with him.
He's like, we're going to track it, man.
Let's track it down.
And he was able to isolate all the different frequencies that actually go through that cell tower where the machinery is above my head.
And we just sat there with the fucking buzz going, seeing if anything changed as he sat there and shut things off and turn things on again from his computer to the cell tower.
So I guess I need to apologize a little bit to anybody who has AT&T and might have had a little erratic connectivity around 930 AM.
Wednesday morning, yesterday morning in the Highland Park area.
I apologize if you missed any important calls or any calls dropped on you.
But I was trying to resolve my problem with my inability to play records clearly through my receiver.
So I hope I didn't lose any jobs for anybody and nobody missed an emergency call.
But here's the deal.
After about an hour, I am happy to say that I was right.
It was AT&T's noise coming through.
I don't know if anything's going to be done about it.
He's going to recommend that they replace that particular transmitter.
I'm going to keep troubleshooting a bit, but that's what's causing it.
In the meantime,
Got myself a few rolls of copper tape and some aluminum fabric and I'm waiting on some copper mesh.
So, you know, I'm going to fucking nail this shit.
The Faraday boxing is still viable, but it seems complicated because I'd have to make the entire room a box.
That would take a lot of copper tape and aluminum foil and people would come to my office and think I had a meth problem.
And I don't want that.
I don't want that.
So right now, Al Lubel is a very unique performer, very talented man, very interesting comedian.
I did one of my first weeks working ever back in probably the mid 80s.
Whenever the hell he just was touring after he won Star Search.
I think he won the third season of the new Star Search.
And I was in Tucson, Arizona, in my recollection.
And I middled for him.
And I was like, this guy's got balls.
He is so introspective and neurotic in such a specific and charming way.
That if you're a comic, if you're self-centered at all and you watch out, you're like, oh, my God, you know, he's really nailing all this stuff.
And then but at some point you're like, oh, my God, he's nailing it too much.
Like, you know, and then you kind of crave him just to talk about ice cream or something or something outside of himself.
But that's not Al's style.
Yeah.
and then i'd run into al sporadically over the years wearing different forms of you know sweatpants and hoodies and carrying uh stacks of yellow pads and there were times where i'd be like concerned for al be like what's going on you all right buddy and be like yeah yeah i've got a room uh up there and yeah i'd see him in new york then i saw him and then i ran into him out here in la on the patio of the comedy store where he was doing some work on his computer looking a little unshaven but looking well and um
I said, well, let's talk.
Let's do it.
You okay?
He's like, yeah, I'm okay.
So again, you can see Al before I talk to him here.
You can see Al up at the Throckmorton Theater in Mill Valley on April 15th doing his one-man show, which we talk about.
Al alone.
Tonight at the Clubhouse on Vermont at 11 tonight for the Gangbusters show.
And right now, enjoy a slightly tortured, painful talk with...
with Al Lubel, but an honest talk with Al Lubel.
So here's me and Al Lubel.
I feel canless.
You are canless.
It's your choice.
Right.
Your choice to go canless, Al.
Right, but I also can become canful at any time I want.
Yeah, in a second, you can just can yourself.
Right.
So that gives me the option.
I have less anxiety because I know I can, you know.
You can can yourself.
I can put the cans on.
Is that a term that you've created, canning?
I've never heard of that, put the cans on.
No, they're called cans.
I think it's old-timey radio talk.
You want to wear cans?
You got cans?
I think canning, in that context, is not used that often.
I wouldn't say that someone wearing headphones is canned.
I think that we might have explored that today for the first time.
Well, you did.
You brought it up.
I never heard it.
But did you just create the term?
But it's an old radio term.
Because I've asked before at radio stations, why do I have to wear them?
Do I have to wear them?
No one's ever said put the cans on.
Well, I don't know.
I believe that.
But it really is a term.
Yes.
And how do you know that you've looked it up or-
I worked in radio for a year and a half.
Oh, that's right.
And it's somehow a year and a half, two years, and I think it somehow became a known thing.
You got cans?
Yeah, no, it's definitely a real thing.
Okay, so yeah, it sounds like something radio people would come up with.
It's like a cool sounding term, like a jazz sounding term.
Put your cans on.
Exactly, buddy.
So what is this record you have in your car?
30 years ago, I had this song.
You ever seen me sing a song, I'm Al Lubel, I'm Al Lubel?
I think everybody has seen Al Lubel sing his Al Lubel at some point.
America witnessed that at some point.
Yeah, I did it on Evening at the Improv or Comedy Club.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you do it on Star Search?
No, because they only give you two minutes and the song's 30.
I've seen you do that song for 30.
I think I've seen you.
I think some of us out here have seen you do the Abu Bell song.
When it's working, it can go on for a while.
Yeah, it's funny.
One time I remember playing Montreal, a comedian friend of mine.
He was up there.
It was the closing bit, the song.
Yeah.
And he was watching me.
He got tired of watching me.
Well, he just left.
He went downstairs to the bar.
Came up from the bar.
I'm still doing the song.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I added clothing.
I started taking clothing off during this.
Oh, really?
I added that piece.
Yeah, you're just going to stretch that out until it could have taken up the whole set.
Yeah.
And in theory, thematically, it is the whole set.
I'm Al Lubell.
painfully al lubel right everything i process goes through al lubel head and i have to place myself at the center of everything that is happening right but don't comedians do do that oh right i just go a little further everyone goes through everyone's head every but i decide to call attention to the fact that it's me yeah yeah yeah and how how does everything implicate al lubel
right well what's the song it's just sitting out there on a record or on a cd on a 45 it's 30 years ago a 45 a 45 i like vinyl uh yeah i know he's coming back into vogue i'm like an idiot uh i have a huge storage i can't throw i'm a hoarder i can't throw things away are you really a hoarder yeah yeah it's bad i mean i i could barely sometimes i you know i hold old new york times uh editorial pages because i think someday i might read it
Yeah, I used to do that because you can look around.
I used to do that.
But now like there's really this weird deliberation around stuff like that, like print stuff.
Like even if it's about me, like after a certain age, I'm like, what am I going to do with this?
I mean, what's really going to happen with this?
What do I think?
What extension of my narcissism?
Is this feeding?
Because is somebody going to find this stuff and go like, oh, good.
Here's an article written in a St.
Louis weekly arts paper about Marc Maron that he kept.
We'll put that in the library, in the archives.
What is that stuff?
If you really need to find most of it, you can just go online.
Yeah, but a lot of it isn't.
And in your situation, they may put it in the library.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know, but it seems ridiculous.
There's part of me that's sort of like, well, why not not put that in the library?
But also, let me say, I have little old pieces like that, too, that I can't throw away, but it's almost the sentimentality.
Like, this was written about me, and it's the sentimentality.
It's horrible.
I wish they didn't write it, because then I'd have to keep it.
Right.
But I do think it's garbage, but I have a problem throwing garbage at it.
Well, where is this stuff, Al?
It's in public storage, and it's getting to the point where I can't afford to keep it.
Where is it?
Where?
In what state?
here oh it's here well i have two i have stuff from my mother's place in florida a little facility because she's in assisted living yeah but uh i have a big thing where i went to england like a year and a half ago to do stand up yeah and i put all my stuff in storage right and uh it's all it's still in storage i'm staying at a friend's house he's letting me stay there that's nice so so it's all stuff and it's still in storage and with all my tons of boxes of 30 years of crap
Yeah.
And I got to start throwing stuff out.
I have some of that.
I don't know how to deliberate that stuff.
I have a fantasy of just getting rid of it.
I think it'd be liberating to get rid of it.
But there's part... What do you think it is?
What's your fear around getting rid of it?
Well, the fear is that I'll never see it again.
Yeah.
When was the last time you went through those boxes?
I never, hardly ever.
A year.
Isn't it weird?
There's a saying...
Which is like if you don't use something for a year, get rid of it.
Oh, then the whole facility could be gone.
You'd save yourself some money.
Oh, totally.
I know.
But yeah, I know the saying.
But you know, there's other sayings too.
Which is?
I haven't heard them, but I'm sure I- There's contrary sayings?
Contradictory sayings?
Let's go on Google.
We could find them.
Yeah, like hold on to all your shit for as long as possible.
You never know when you're going to need that editorial.
Actually, I've said that.
Yeah.
So are you afraid to go down there and pull those boxes out?
Yeah.
It's like a day.
My hip hurts and my back hurts.
I should get hip replacement.
By the way, we've started, right?
How old are you now?
Have we started?
Yeah, yeah.
Isn't that kind of wordy, how old am I now as opposed to how old am I then?
No, I understand that.
I mean, obviously implied in that question is now.
Are you evading the question?
Am I evading it now?
Yeah, now.
Are you evading the question?
Yes, I am.
I didn't want to talk about it.
I don't like the whole concept.
I'm embarrassed.
Concept of age?
I feel age-wise I've let myself go.
I can't believe I've let myself get this old.
I don't think you have much control of it, but I will say you look pretty well.
I've heard that, but I look well for an old guy.
Well, yeah, but there's some of us who have known you.
I mean, you just told me you did a 45, 30 years ago.
Yeah, this is true, but you don't know how old I was when I did it.
Were you three?
No, but you're saying I look well for me like you've seen me at other ages.
Yeah, I've seen you at other ages.
I've seen you at different lengths of hair.
I've seen you in the streets where I've been concerned.
I know.
Just like there's been Al Lubell sightings.
There was a period in the Lubell timeline, I think, where many of us were like, where's Al Lubell?
And then you'd show up.
There he is.
He's wearing sweatpants and he's got some legal pads.
I hope he's okay.
And then you get on the stage and you just nail it.
You just do your Aloubel thing.
I must say, I am impressed.
You have a good sense of a person being in trouble.
How can I help, Al?
You're good at picking that up.
I was impressed.
I was impressed with your ability to see me.
In Union Square that time?
Oh yeah, at Whole Foods?
No, I think I ran into you actually in the area.
like walking on the street.
And I think you said, and we don't have to talk about it, I don't know where you were at, but I said, what are you doing?
And you were living at an SRO, I think, at that time.
Right?
And I was concerned.
And then I think I went back down to Boston Comedy Club or something.
I'm like, I just ran into Al.
What's going on with him?
And people were like, Al Lubel?
Yeah, he's in an SRO.
He's walking around with his sweatpants.
And comics are like, ah.
What do the comics say?
Oh, poor Al, that Al.
No, I think that many of us, you know, those of us who, you know, your particular, like what I, the guys that I know, and I don't know if I can name names, but we loved watching you.
Because there's something about the honesty of your self-involvement that makes comedians specifically sort of squirmy.
It's like, I think we're all him inside.
Right.
I think that if we were really honest with how self-involved we are, that would be us.
So I think there's people that always loved watching you and they're always happy to see you.
I don't know.
In my mind, I obviously don't know you that well, but I know that...
like i when the hell was that it must have been in the late 80s when i middled for you i featured for you in tucson and that must have been on like that first tour or so after star search right uh yes and like so you were you know you had that juice like star search there was fewer shows like that fewer tv stations in a lot of ways so it meant something you got a lot of momentum you won it
Right?
What year?
88.
You had one-star search.
You had short hair.
You were an entertainer.
You were being an entertainer, right?
In what sense?
I mean, you were together.
You had an act.
You were moving towards something.
You know what I mean?
Right.
The Al Lubel closer was fresh at that time.
Right.
Right?
And all I remember hearing is, like, he used to be a lawyer.
Right.
that that's what that was what it was like really he just left being a lawyer to do this and he won star search that's a wild story oh i never thought of it that way yeah well i was yeah i was a lawyer yeah well there's i've known there's been a couple i don't know if they were full-on lawyers but you know giraldo i think went to law school and then that guy mike platt i think was actually a practicing lawyer wasn't he i don't know why i remember that guy right well he might be a lawyer again i don't know um but where did you come from where'd you grow up
Queens, New York.
Really?
Like what part?
Flushing, Fresh Meadows.
Oh, really?
I don't know if you know.
Union Turnpike, St.
John's area.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Yeah, right around there.
You were just a kid in Queens?
A kid in Queens.
And I was reading that, you know, Wayne Dyer, Dwyer, how do you say that?
He died recently.
Yeah, Dyer, I think.
Dyer, yeah.
He wrote that book, Your Erroneous Zones.
Yeah, and also, did he write, I'm okay, you're okay, or no?
Another guy?
I don't think that's him.
Another guy.
But he wrote tons of books.
Yeah, about mental, spiritual, sort of affirmative health stuff.
Right, you don't read that stuff?
No, I don't touch it.
I read some of that stuff.
I like Eckhart Tolle, you know him?
Someone gave me the library, and they were like, just listen to it while you're on the train or whatever.
And I listened to it about 10 minutes.
I'm like, no, I can't.
I'm not going to.
Interesting.
Yeah, no, I can't.
I'm on my own journey of self-realization.
Right.
I don't want it to get cluttered with... Because there's always part of me that's like, who the hell is this guy?
Right, right, right, right, right.
What gives him... Am I going to believe the mythology of this guy?
Right.
Right.
And that's very healthy, I think, because like what you see of male energy, I have female energy.
No offense.
I'm not attacking all females, but I'm just saying I was raised by females.
Mostly my mother and grandmother, my father slept a lot.
And so he worked nights.
Yeah.
So he's sleeping during the day.
Yeah.
So I have this female kind of energy.
I remember a friend of mine traveled.
We traveled cross country when I graduated law school.
We both left law school and came to California.
Yeah.
And immediately, whenever we needed directions, I wanted to stop at the gas station when we lost.
And he wants to figure out himself.
He's driving.
I could figure it out.
No, let's stop and ask.
I'm the helpless guy.
So essentially, Eckhart Tolle, I'm stopping and asking.
Eckhart Tolle.
I look to anybody for the answers.
I have this weak, clingy, codependent.
I'm no one.
If I'm not leeching off someone's energy, I'm nothing.
Well, I think maybe that's why I relate to you, because I feel that.
Like, I...
No, I think you might be too hard on yourself.
Yeah, just as I said that, I'm exaggerating.
I mean, there are other elements.
No, right, but I feel like that's the sort of emotional vibe I pick up on.
But for me, looking at you, you're a very well-defined human.
Like I, yeah, that's because you probably think like, no, I'm floating.
I have nobody.
Well, I'm not connected, but like I see, you know, Aloubel, you know, as this very defined guy, like a unique guy, but you're like, you know, probably feel like you're disappearing half the time.
Yes.
But in the sense of you see me walking down the street using an SRO now, how defined am I there?
Wow.
Look, we've all had problems.
Right.
That's true.
You know what I mean?
I mean, things go off the rails at different levels for different reasons for all of us over and over again.
Right.
I mean, you're not unique in having the train go off the rails.
That's true.
But I guess I'm just kind of jealous that you don't need Eckhart Tolle and I do.
You've decided that.
No, I don't necessarily need, but I just like hearing him talk.
I like him.
He's not pushing.
He's relaxed, and I like what he says.
I haven't listened to him in a while.
I read some of his stuff.
Well, my thing has been that, like,
I think there's a lot of things that make you feel good in the moment.
But actually addressing core issues around how the brain works or how we're wired emotionally, I read other stuff.
It's usually clinical.
Some stuff I read, I've read books on codependency.
I've read books on love and sex addiction.
I've read books on practical things.
You mean like John Bradshaw, you've heard?
No, no, I don't read those kind of things.
I don't read the sort of like broad based tomes.
Right.
Like I read, you know, either clinical books or books that have action in them.
You know, like Pia Melody's book on codependency, you know, sort of, you know, breaking it down on how the emotional dynamics work and where they come from and what to do to cognitively behave differently.
I say, what do you mean?
How does that book have action in it?
Well, I mean, there's sort of like, you know, there's questions that are asked of you to help you define whether or not you fit this profile.
And then there's sort of things you can do to start, you know, cognitively changing your behavior and mental patterns.
Exactly.
You're a man of action.
Well, I'm a recovery guy, so I'm wired like that.
That's where I get a lot of the basics is because I've done some recovery work and I'm sober.
And that method of self-awareness and self-actualization and...
There's different applications to it, codependency and other compulsive behaviors.
Well, I'm sure I have codependency and OCD and big narcissism, but there's always been a big part of me that doesn't want to change, that's afraid to change.
That's the most horrible part.
That's the hardest part.
Right.
Because you don't really have control over that.
Of wanting to or not.
Right.
You can't force yourself to want to.
Well, no, it's not.
I'm sure you want to.
Yeah, but I don't want to do the work.
And also, I'm afraid of it.
Right.
Who would I be?
Right.
Without this, my bag of shit.
And can you imagine?
I don't want to be anyone but Alubel.
Right.
That's a big problem.
Well, maybe you could, like, maybe whatever, wherever you stopped.
emotionally right uh you know you could keep you could start moving from there you know it's it's it's never too laid out you might be 14.
I know right but you could well shrink once told me I'm emotionally pre-adolescent not even adolescent I was like 35 at the time and I still feel I'm kind of pre-adolescent I mean adolescence kind of the thought of adolescence kind of scares me a little I mean it seems kind of adult but anyway my point is that uh
No, I am afraid, but yeah, I could be, you're saying I could grow emotionally, but it would be a different me.
Who I am now is who I am now.
If I change emotionally, yes, I'm still me, but it's a different me.
I mean, I wouldn't get hung up on that.
Even people that evolve a little bit, it's not gonna be like, who is that guy?
It's just going to be little things where you're like, look, I'm eating by myself.
No, I know.
But I don't care about other people looking at me saying, who is this guy?
I myself don't want to say who is this guy.
Well, you won't get that lost, I don't think.
No, you're right.
I mean, I have grown inadvertently only through the pain of life and having to, and it's not been that bad.
I'm different than I was years ago, and I've gotten over it.
There's a sadness.
I feel sadness for the person I was.
Heavy heart.
Yeah, that guy's dead.
That guy's pretty much dead.
I feel sad for me that that part of me is dead.
You're grieving that loss of you.
Yeah.
Well, so you grow up in Queens.
You got, what, sisters?
No.
Brothers?
No.
You're the only one?
Yeah.
That's wild.
I've talked to only children before.
Do you think that kind of put a zap on your head somehow?
Sure.
Like how?
Well, you know, just being wild, my mother wildly, it took them like 12 years to have a kid.
You know, my mother was like 31 and my father was 41.
And so my mother was wild, everything, me, me, me, me, me.
And you could sense that my father was a little angry.
Unconsciously, I could sense it.
So your relationship with, her relationship with you?
Yeah, it was so, totally neglected.
Usually that happens anyway in a marriage, but this was such an extreme, me, me, me, me, me.
And I remember one time he tried to spank me or something and she almost killed, she was furious, don't ever touch my son.
Oh, wow, yeah.
That kind of thing.
So it created this awkward, kind of, he used to sarcastically call me the king.
Part of me hesitates to tell some stories.
They're in my one-person show.
I didn't even want to say one-man show because that sounds adult.
But you can't say one-boy show.
You can say anything you want.
But yeah, one-person show.
You can tell stories.
Yeah, I'm just saying one of the stories.
She used to serve me food in bed until I was 17 and also turned my TV channel for me until I was 17.
It only ended because I went away to college.
But until seven, I go, Channel 7, Channel 7.
This has really got to stop, Alan.
This has really got to stop.
I go, Channel 9, Channel 9.
Just take it to Channel 9, Alan.
Dr. Schwartzberg says I shouldn't be giving in to you like this, Alan.
And then it keeps going.
Channel 11, I keep pushing her, keep pushing.
And she'd go, fuck yourself.
And storm out.
Would she?
Yeah.
And the next day, the same thing would happen.
So I tell that.
You keep pushing her during this channel changing ritual until she, you know, like, so there was part of you that wanted to detach.
uh i guess to get her so angry to break away yeah oh sure i'm sure i felt that i don't consciously i didn't realize that but yeah that's a way of pushing her away well yeah trying to have a boundary right there were no boundaries right yeah so like because i i can relate to that you know i do that too it's just sort of like uh wow i didn't know maybe that's another similarity we have because of my my mother and father were not overly attentive but i think the relationship was weird i felt like i was like you know when you said before
using someone else's energy in a way that I think like my mother was sort of like completely had a shaky sense of self and kind of used me as an extension of her.
So the boundaries, you know what I mean?
It wasn't about me or letting me have my own life because she was so worried about everything all the time.
I just became sort of this emotional appendage that she would process things through.
Do you know what I'm saying?
and uh i used to fight with her like that you know like there was like there's nothing else you can do like you're it's almost like a fight for your own you know identity right right so this went on to your 17 but like what were you doing in school and stuff were you doing were you like uh uh ostracized were you a freak were you have did you have friends i had some friends but i remember there was a cool group a kid of the cool kids and i was not in their group uh
I don't think, I wasn't a nerd because I didn't study that much.
I wasn't really in any group.
Yeah, me neither.
And so I wanted to be with the cool kids.
Yeah.
And I got myself into it by having them laugh at me.
Yeah, I know that one.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, because you were so adaptable and without boundaries, you could sort of like charm or humor yourself into almost any group.
Right.
But the sad thing was looking back on it, I would make fun of myself or I would do the stupid thing and have them laugh.
Oh, Lou Bell.
Oh, Lou Bell.
So it was like I had low self-esteem.
Even though I was happy, I was accepted.
I was accepted as the clown and not even the good clown, not even the smart, witty clown, the idiot.
I was accepted as the idiot into the group.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
So I got low self-esteem.
I remember one time thinking when I was leaving, like it was springtime vacation or something, I'm going to come back different.
I'm going to be a different person.
And of course I couldn't come back different.
I never changed.
What was your plan at that time?
Do you have any recollection how you were going to be different?
Oh, I remember one time, not that spring one, but I had a plan one summer when I was 17.
I'd get really in shape and I would jog because I was overweight.
I was husky.
I was a little heavy.
Me too, yeah.
Because I ate too much.
I used to eat Hostess snowballs all the time.
Sure.
Remember those with the pink toppings?
Yeah, yeah.
My mother would just give me whatever I wanted.
I remember one time I'd come home.
She used to have, I called them goodies.
Where are the goodies?
And she had to have them in the refrigerator waiting for me.
And one time it wasn't in the refrigerator.
Where are the goodies?
And I forced her to take me to the bakery to get the goodies.
How old were you?
I went out until 17.
But you're characterizing yourself as this weird little monster child.
Oh, yeah, I was a total monster.
But yeah.
But the other thing is, I remember you asked me how I decided to change.
I remember.
So it was the summer.
I went away to a bungalow colony with my mother and grandmother.
And I was 17.
Like an adult summer camp.
No, a bungalow.
What is a bungalow?
It was next to the hotel.
Kutcher's was a hotel in the Catskills.
The Catskills.
And the bungalow colonies where people just rent like a bungalow for the summer for two months.
Right, and there's activities?
There are some activities, yeah.
So were you guys very Jewish?
I mean, that's a very Jewish thing.
I think it's become more Jewish now.
I think it's just the Orthodox Jews that go there.
No, but even back then it was like middle class.
Yeah, it was middle class Jewish.
We were conservative in the middle.
But community, you were part of it.
The Jewish community.
I was bar mitzvahed and all that stuff.
But it wasn't, I wouldn't say very Jewish.
I mean, people looking at us probably thought we were very Jewish.
Yeah, I feel that now looking at you.
Right, right.
With the hair.
No, but no, I grew up a conservative Jew.
But I was in New York.
But that's pretty specific, going to the hotels at all or up there to the Catskills.
Right.
Did you see comedy?
Yeah, I remember I saw, who did I see?
I can't remember the names of the.
nothing's coming to mind but i know that's why i think i got the idea i wanted to be a comedian because it was so it was the only one of the few times uh there was like seeing people happy right when my family seemed unhappy right arguing yelling and not even not even that much arguing yelling there was not even that enough enough communication on that level enough clarity of yelling there was just occasional yelling yeah uh awkward silence and me yelling i was yelling demanding yeah
I remember I once, I hate to admit it here, but this has already started, right?
Yeah.
Okay, because you never actually said welcome to the podcast.
Yeah, I do that.
I'm kind of joking, but I like your technique of just sucking the person right in.
I do that later.
Yeah, it's clever.
So what were you about to say?
Well, it's kind of embarrassing to say that, but this is your thing.
You love this, and I believe if I ever had it.
I'm trying to have a nice conversation.
I just didn't.
Why?
I'm just trying to talk to Al Lubella.
This is the first time we've ever sat and talked.
I imagine this is probably the first time you've ever sat and talked for a while with somebody.
No, I have talked for a while.
A lot of people, as I've said, I'm kind of a leachy kind of guy, and I just want to try to get people to help me.
So I've done that.
But I'm a little offended.
This is the longest you talk with me.
You have to have me on a show to have a conversation with me.
I don't see you that often.
When I see you, it's like a weird, some sort of happenstance where you just, you wander in from somewhere.
I don't even know if you have a car or you have shoes on.
Yeah, but I do.
And then we talked briefly on what happens.
You wander away.
Ow.
Ow.
We're kindred spirits.
I know that if I don't wander away, I might never wander.
And then you'd be living on my couch.
You once did offer in New York.
I was impressed by that.
You did say, if you ever need a place to stay.
Yeah.
And I didn't even ask you.
Yeah.
And I didn't need a place to stay.
Yeah.
But I was impressed.
Dodged a bullet there.
Yeah.
But once I feel bad, I had a good point to make.
No, you're about to say something.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
I feel bad.
I reminded myself.
Yeah, it can't be that bad.
It's not that bad.
But I wanted fake sideburns.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
That was the big.
So you were like, what, 14, 15?
No, I was 17.
I was 18.
And you thought that you wanted fake sideburns?
No, I was 18.
I was a freshman in college.
You wanted fake sideburns?
Because I want to look older.
I hit puberty late.
Mm-hmm.
I started having hair under the arms at like 15 or something, but nothing in the testicles.
And I was afraid to take showers in front of people because they would see I hadn't hit puberty.
Looking back on it now, I kind of in a way, I never played with myself.
How great a moment was when the pubic hair came.
You're like, thank God.
No, really.
I never really wanted it because ideally I wanted to see a kid.
Really?
I always wanted to see it.
That's another bad thing that set me back.
I never wanted to grow up.
Even when I was like four, I remember being jealous of a girl that was one.
No.
Yeah.
That's a memory you have?
Yeah.
She's so lucky.
Yeah.
But you wanted fake sideburns nonetheless.
Yeah, well, because I wanted to fit in in college.
I wanted to look older.
So I wanted, I researched, I don't remember how I researched it, but I found out it was $75.
For fake sideburns.
Yeah, you go to a cosmetic kind of, they do theater supplies.
Right, yeah.
So I needed the money.
I had no money.
I didn't work.
So I demanded it from my mother.
I want the money.
For fake sideburns.
For fake sideburns.
And she didn't want to give me the money.
And I do remember being outside in a parking lot outside of a restaurant and pushing her against a wall demanding fake sideburns.
Really?
Yeah, pushing her.
I want fake sideburns.
And you're taking me there.
Because it was down the street.
In Queens?
No, this was in Maryland.
We had moved to Maryland.
And so I pushed her.
Not hard, not incredibly, like wildly, but I pushed.
And I got them.
You got the fake sideburns.
I got the fake sideburns.
But this shows, as an example of my fears, I'm like a halfway kind of, I go halfway.
I wore them, but I had long hair like this.
Because I wanted to cover up my face to...
so people wouldn't see that I wasn't shaving.
Right.
So I wore them underneath, but I didn't have the guts to pull my hair back to show them.
So I wore them underneath, and what happened was the glue irritated my skin after a couple of days, and I was breaking out into pimples, so I stopped wearing them.
Ironically, the pimples made me look a little older.
It was the pimples, because I didn't even have acne.
It was a gift.
Yeah.
It was a gift.
What was the gift?
The pimples.
Like, you know, the sideburns didn't work out, but the pimples came and you thought they made it look cool.
Yeah, but it came up with pimples and last for like, you know, last for two, three days.
And I never, you know, it took me a while to get pimples.
Yeah.
But real pimples.
Right.
They were real pimples, but they were from an artificial source.
Yeah.
But my point is I never did wear the sideburns.
Yeah.
So what's my point?
So when you called me a monster, it reminded me.
Oh, that you're a monster?
I was demanding, you know, I gotta have it.
but to remind me you asked me how did I once try to change and right exactly yeah so I was I'm gonna get in shape because I was overweight you know I used to play basketball with the cool kids but it was never as good because I was overweight and pudgy and and but I was a decent player later but anyway my point is I used to jog every morning to try to get in shape and I remember an old guy used to smile at me yeah as I was jogging by his house and I
And I saw him at a party at that bungalow colony one day.
And he goes, you jog really good.
And I was proud.
I said, thanks a lot.
He goes, yeah, you jog really good for a girl.
And I go, well, I'm not a girl.
And he goes, yes, you are.
He was older.
He was like 75.
And he felt threatened like his eyesight's failing.
But I felt I had to defend my gender.
He wasn't just taking a shot at you?
Like a bastard?
No, I don't think so.
He really didn't see well.
Because I had, but also I was pudgy.
You were that heavy, right.
No facial hair.
Yeah.
And I could see, and when you're pudgy and you have little breasts.
Yeah, yeah.
I could see how you could think I was a girl.
Right.
So my point is, I came back, I was the same guy.
I didn't change over the summer.
Mm.
You know, I was afraid of girls.
I remember they tried to, I didn't kiss a girl until I was like 20.
And I was scared of girls.
And when I was 17 at that bungalow colony, like some 15-year-old girl set me up with a 13-year-old girl on a date.
And I remember holding her hand.
How old were you?
17.
Is that illegal?
I was holding you?
No, I mean, no, not to hold hands, no.
Yeah, I was just holding hands.
I was just terrified.
I was terrified anyway.
Weird things happen at camp.
Yeah, right, I think I was walking down the street holding, I think I was holding, I was scared of her.
I was scared of a 13-year-old girl when I was 17.
So I was just terrified of everything.
Fear has been my biggest problem.
And your father, did he have his own pharmacy in Queens?
He did for a while.
He owned a pharmacy with his uncle.
And then when I was like five or six, they sold it.
And see, up till five or six, my father was present a lot in the house.
I mean, he worked till like 12 at night there.
But he had self-esteem.
He owned a pharmacy.
But then he started working in a night shift in Manhattan.
And he was home at like two or three, and he wasn't the same guy anymore.
I was a kid, so I didn't know what was going on.
He had lost his own pharmacy?
He had sold it.
They both sold it.
But he didn't own one anymore, and I think that depressed him.
And he was always trying to buy another one, but he never did.
And so that changed with my father.
I saw him less.
and I think he was depressed because he didn't own one anymore.
He worked for somebody.
Is he gone now?
Yeah, he died years ago.
But your mom's still around?
My mom is, yeah, in assisted living.
Is she cognizant?
Yeah, she's got Alzheimer's, but it's, oh, I hope she's not listening.
She doesn't think she does.
People with Alzheimer's don't think they have Alzheimer's.
That's sad.
I'm sorry you're going through that.
You go down there?
Yeah, I do, but she knows who I am still.
She's got the kind where she knows who you are.
Oh, that's good.
Does she yell at you?
Do you yell at each other?
Not that much.
I'm okay when I'm around her.
She's annoying, but I'm... Put your jacket on.
Put it on, Alan.
Your jacket.
Your jacket.
She'll say it like six times.
Your jacket, Alan.
Your jacket.
But she do that all the time, or is this a new thing?
No, she's always done that.
So it's not even an Alzheimer's thing.
No, no.
Right, yeah, it's not even... She sounds terrifying to me.
Yeah, it is, but not really.
I mean, she's very... If you met her, you'd really like her.
I mean, she's likable.
And actually, when I'm around her, I'm okay.
I don't like talking to her on the phone, but...
Yeah, it's, I don't know.
So you're up there at the colony, at the bungalow colony, and you see a little comedy, and it resonates with you.
I see a little comedy.
Yes, it did resonate.
You can't remember the guy.
You probably know the guy.
Yeah, I remember like back...
I saw the guy like six years later when I was in law school.
He was playing some club locally.
Schaefer, something, Eddie Schaefer or something like that.
He was like a Catskills comic.
I don't know if I saw any, I don't think I saw any famous comics.
I remember Tony Bennett was there at Kutcher's.
See, Kutcher's was not like the Concord or Grossinger's, the big ones.
Kutcher's was a little below.
Yeah.
So it didn't get the big.
Right.
Jerry Lewis had his own hotel called Browns.
Uh-huh.
So I never saw those famous guys.
But I remember from, you know, Ed Sullivan, you know, I liked, I remember Larry, what's his, Alan King was probably the first comedian I ever remember.
Yeah, from the island too.
Yeah, from Long Island.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
And so that was an influence.
Survived by his wife.
Right.
What a great bit.
He did that on Letterman.
Uh-huh.
Sure.
He did it forever.
Really?
He did it right till the end.
Right.
Sure.
Sure.
He'd throw that in.
I wonder if his wife did survive him.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think he had a couple.
Maybe I'm wrong.
So how do you decide to go to law school?
Is that something your mother compelled you to do?
By the way, just one quick.
When you look at the board, are you looking at time?
I'm just making sure the levels are good because I got to like, you know, like sometimes I got to adjust the levels.
Okay.
So what was law school?
How'd you decide to go to law school?
I mean, you sound like a guy that couldn't do anything.
Right.
Well, I could, I got good grades in school.
I was probably 90 plus average.
Oh, good.
Uh,
Yeah, I wasn't much of a studier.
I was a last minute kind of person.
Were you a bright guy?
I guess I was bright.
I didn't ever think of myself as bright.
Where'd you go to undergrad?
First year University of Maryland because my father was sick and I didn't know it.
They lied to me.
So my mother wanted us to be close to my aunt, my mother's sister, that family.
And that's why you moved to Maryland?
Yeah, for the freshman year.
And then I wanted to get away from the family.
So I decided I wanted to go to the University of Miami, Florida.
Oh, that's a party school.
Yeah, I was.
And I wasn't ready to party because I hadn't hit puberty yet.
You hadn't hit puberty yet when?
Well, I don't know what you mean.
I mean, I hadn't played with myself until I didn't start playing myself until I was like 20.
What?
I didn't know about it.
I didn't even know what it was.
What?
What?
Did you grow up at the Bates Hotel?
Yeah, I think so.
The way I do my mother and my act, people say it reminds me.
Alan, my life, Alan.
That's how I do her.
You're my life.
I live for you, Alan.
So when a reviewer described it as the Bates, I didn't even know I was doing that.
So you didn't jerk off until you were 20?
Until I was 20.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Well, it's even worse than that.
A guy who turned out to be gay convinced me to let him
By the way, this story is in my act, so I feel like I'm doing my act.
I feel like weird.
Should I feel like I'm raping my act?
No, no.
I think that in a best-case scenario, there'll be a few people out there who'll be like, I gotta see this show.
All right, that's true.
Yeah.
Okay, but not if I do it word for word.
But no, you're right.
You're not really quite doing it word for word.
Okay, well, to make a long story short, I was such a...
An idiot.
Like I told him I shrink the story.
This guy convinced me to let him put his mouth on my penis.
And I thought I was, years later, I always thought maybe I'm gay.
I let this guy do that.
Because he convinced me.
He said, Al, if you're gonna play with yourself.
He was my best friend.
He was three or four years older than me.
And he said, look, you've never played with yourself before.
You really should start doing this.
And I go, I don't want to.
And he says, Al, if you play with yourself, you'll stimulate the, what's it called?
The hormones.
You'll start shaving.
I go, I don't want it.
He goes,
just pull your pants down, start playing with yourself.
And I did it.
I couldn't do it because I'd never done it before and I was scared.
So he said, I'll put my hand on it.
And I was not in it.
I said, what are you, gay?
And he goes, no.
So I go, okay.
And to me, I guess words speak louder than that.
Anyway, my point is so.
And so he puts his hand on, make a long story short.
I won't do the bit word for word.
You want me to do the bit?
The bit is essentially, I'll do the bit.
I don't care at this point.
Okay.
So he puts his hand on it.
Still nothing happened.
He goes, look, I don't want to do this.
You think I don't want to do it, but obviously you need stimulation.
What I'll do is I'll put my mouth on it.
And I go, look, I'm not a moron.
Just admit to me you're gay.
If you admit you're gay, I'm not going to let you touch me, but don't lie to me.
Just admit you're gay.
He goes, I'm not gay.
So I go, okay.
How was that?
And so he put his mouth on it.
Yeah.
And I'm looking at this thinking, you know, he's either gay or a really nice guy.
Were you guys friends after that?
Yeah, it's a whole long story.
I mean, yeah, I was his roommate.
I became his roommate at his house.
And, yeah, it was like I never, you know...
it's a whole long story did that happen again it did like two other times he convinced me he thought it's a whole long story he he convinced me he took me to jamaica with him uh out of any we were playing in the pool and i dunked him and he said i gave him a heart attack when i dunked him because i dunked him too long because i gave him a heart attack he said uh you have to uh you're gonna have uh let me put my mouth on it
At that point, can I not realize he's gay?
Like I still didn't think he was gay, but I felt guilty.
I gave him a heart attack and my focus was almost killed him.
Instead of this guy's gay and you know, he's manipulating you.
Who needs to put their mouth on a penis because you've had a heart attack?
Is this some kind of resuscitation I've never heard of?
You know, I mean, it didn't even occur to me.
That's how mentally damaged I feel I was from childhood.
So gullible that the whole world was going to give in to me, do anything for me like my mother would do.
You know, like everyone's looking out for me.
Even straight guys will suck my dick.
Yeah.
you know because it's all about yeah whatever al needs my gift i did the world oh boy yeah so what was your oh so i never mastered so anyway that's i began masturbating uh i remember the first time i came it was huge amount yeah was it must have been exciting not really because uh well how how intricate am i going to get in this story i mean when i came he was there
So it's not... That was the first time.
And he had taken his... Do I get into incredible detail?
I don't do this in the show.
He had already taken his mouth off.
He just started.
I didn't like it.
And I didn't want him to do it.
And he stopped.
Then on my own, I masturbated.
And I came.
But...
Did he clap or anything?
He didn't clap, but the point is the fact that he's in the room, I think it ruins that feeling.
Again, talking about boundary problems.
Yeah, you were definitely in a little bit of emotional trouble and confusion, and this guy seemingly took advantage of it.
It seems like whatever insulation and emotional sort of inappropriateness you had with your mother didn't prepare you for the world at all.
Exactly.
So I don't know how long that relationship lasted or if you still talk to that guy.
No, I haven't in years.
And it lasted.
I got my first girlfriend.
I had one president of student government in college.
Oh, really?
So despite yourself, it sounds like you had a way with people that you could at least get out in front of people and talk to people.
And I imagine that when you were able to connect and be funny that it made you feel...
uh empowered in a way yeah i was a good speaker i guess i gave good speeches and uh yeah i won the president student government i remember feeling pressure like i'm now president and i'm never even i did kiss a girl once so how'd you meet the girl it was uh i was running for president oh my vice president the treasurer the guy i was running my treasurer yeah he knew the girl he was a ladies man so he introduced me to her
And that was the first girl you kissed?
No, I had kissed a girl previously, one time when I was 20.
This was late 20 when I met her.
But mid-20, I kissed a girl previously.
How'd that go?
It was brief and it was okay, but nothing there.
And I do remember, and I did kiss another girl.
And I do remember, actually, I didn't have sex with her, but I do remember kissing her down below.
Are you allowed to talk about these things on this show?
You talk about whatever you want.
I don't know what I want.
I know.
I feel I'm being abused here in a way.
Really?
Because I have no sense of self.
No offense against you.
I mean, anyone talking to me is abusing me.
It's interesting.
That's an interesting idea, Al, but you're not going to get away with that shit with me.
However...
however much you don't know who you are you do I don't think no I don't do know who you know you don't and you must admit there's uncertainty to everything no one knows I know but after a certain point now we got pick it apart all the time the question is when is that point well no but you had a certain what is that certain point what when you when you're exhausted and your life becomes difficult because you destabilize yourself constantly right this is true
That, you know, with self-doubt and insecurity, you know, the more you shovel coal into that fire, it's just going to keep burning down, you know?
Yeah, and it is.
Yeah.
And it's almost done.
What does that mean?
Well, you know what that means.
Yeah.
This is a cry for help.
I know.
Your entire career has been a crime.
I know.
I wouldn't even call it career, necessarily.
It's a quasi-career.
Well, let's get into that.
Well, let me finish this.
What's the point with the girl?
With the question of, I don't know if I should say it.
Well, I went down on her.
It was the first time I ever did it.
And it's not even a good story.
It's not even interesting.
But the point is, she confided in me later it was a urinary tract and not her clitoris that I was licking.
Because I don't know what I'm doing.
Sure.
Well, you've got to learn.
It's a hard learning curve, that one.
Takes years.
Right, and I haven't spent the time at it.
That's okay.
I haven't done it much.
Did you have a relationship with a woman in college?
Yeah, that girl at college.
Yeah, there was a girl.
I'm afraid to mention names.
You don't have to mention names.
So you had sex with her and stuff and it went okay?
Yeah, it's funny.
The way you're talking to me now is you realize you're dealing with a mental patient.
Yeah.
I knew that going in.
Yeah, you knew it going in, but it was a little more intense than you thought.
A little more.
It's exciting.
It's exciting.
like i feel like i'm being like you know like i'm not a i'm not a professional and you know usually i can sort of move people through their narrative but there's definitely a point during this one where i'm like i i don't have the chops this guy thinks any one-on-one situation is some sort of therapy i don't know if i can guide him with my own experience right right yeah well you've been the codependent route you you've read all the damn books you you've read these action books mark
Here's some action for you, Mark.
I relate to you.
It's an extreme, but I know that discomfort.
I know the feeling of not having a defined self, of not feeling like you're whole without having somebody else acknowledge you or want you.
I want to engage with you.
I know what it's like to be painfully possessive out of emotional needs that I don't understand.
I mean, I've been through a lot of that stuff.
Right.
What I envy you is that we're, I don't know, I guess envy is the nice word for jealousy.
But you have more male energy than me.
And so you're able to do things and take action.
I don't even have that part.
Well, that all comes from anger.
Most of my male energy is anger-based.
Right, and Stephen Wright's got a great line I think I read.
It's something like, depression is anger without enthusiasm.
Yeah, exactly.
And so you got anger, I got depression.
Right.
And so that's why I have a hard time getting things done.
Depression, I beat myself up, I'm exhausted.
Yeah, I do a little of that.
You do a little of that, but you also have anger.
I want your anger.
I'm angry that I don't have your arm.
Well, you have to just start turning it out onto other people.
But that's not a good therapy point.
It's like, here's how you can help yourself.
Stop beating yourself up and put it on other people.
I know.
Well, yeah, I'm too afraid to do that.
I'm a timid.
Well, you did that with your mother.
I'm comfortable with that.
And I was then.
I was only comfortable beating her up.
Because the umbilical cord was never cut.
So I was connected.
And she was my slave.
and i was her slave it was the master you know i was also a slave she created she forced me into masterhood yeah forced me to be her master yeah and so i'm only i was only comfortable you know i was power i was king at home the you know whatever i wanted but in the real world i was this timid shy frightened furious angry person that i was such a wimp yeah all that's going inside yeah so you you get to where'd you go to law school
University of Miami.
And you graduated.
Yeah.
With a law degree.
Yeah.
And you went into practice.
I was a lawyer.
And I came out to California to try comedy, but I figured I'd do the law too.
You've never done comedy before and you came out.
I dabbled in it in law school.
I won this best comedian contest in the whole university.
Uh-huh.
And they flew me out to California here.
And I was supposed to perform at the Comedy Magic Club.
Yeah.
And Hermosa Beach.
Yeah.
And...
But I played basketball.
I hosted a gong show when I was out there in Miami.
And I carried the gong to the gong show.
And the gong pulled my back out.
And when I played basketball here when I got to California, I had a spasm and I couldn't perform.
I didn't get to perform at the Comedy Magic Club.
My point is I dabbled in comedy a little.
while I was in law school.
And so I came out here and I was too afraid again to move to LA.
So me and my friend moved to Newport Beach an hour south.
And so I started being a lawyer there and I started getting some spots at the- You just got a job at a firm?
Yeah, in Newport Beach.
What kind of law were you doing?
It was a small firm, and I mostly did drunk driving cases.
It was mostly drunk driving cases.
I didn't feel good about it because, you know, can I say this after the fact?
You get the feeling everyone did it.
Is that illegal that I can say that?
It's after the fact.
I think you're fine.
You're not a lawyer anymore.
I know, right.
But it didn't feel fun for me, you know, and...
So at night I would do comedy.
Where?
At the laugh stop.
There was a club called in Newport Beach back then in the 80s.
And so, yeah.
And you were getting your chops, doing jokes, getting laughs, going over.
Yeah, I bomb a lot too, just horrible.
I remember a bomb that comes to mind was, I thought this was funny for some reason,
I don't walk on stage, I crawl onto the stage, and I'm crawling, crawling to the microphone, and I slowly get up to the microphone, and I go, hi, I'm a struggling young comedian.
I got nothing.
Too conceptual.
I guess, right.
And that scared me.
I got nothing, so then I start rushing.
into my jokes and because back then you know when I got scared I'd rush you know and and so of course even my jokes that I had back then didn't work as I'm rushing and also this awkward moment I didn't even acknowledge yeah I don't even acknowledge boy that didn't work nothing because I got scared I have the guts to take that chance that takes a guts to I hadn't been doing comedy long either six months takes guts to crawl for like a minute but eventually it seems like you learned how to pace yourself exactly how you want to I mean that's just part of starting out the panic right sure I
So then what leads to you pursuing it as a career?
What leads to me pursuing it as a career?
Well, I wanted to be a comedian, and comedians that I would emcee for at the laugh stop, some of them like me.
So you took some gigs going out with comedians?
Yeah, not with them, but they were recommend me to the club for feature act.
Yeah featuring and I'd run around middling and they didn't pay for travel But if you got connected a few of these things in Texas.
Yeah, you middled right make something and you're doing all right Yeah, okay one of the first it was kind of cool.
I middled for Seinfeld I couldn't believe like normally
don't take action and do things.
But someone said, call this club.
They might give you a date.
I ended up calling him.
And the guy goes, yeah, I have a week opened for Jerry Seinfeld.
I go, wow.
So I middled for him.
And I got to know him a little.
And this was like the summer of 85.
And played racquetball.
with jerry yeah out there on the road yeah yeah yeah it was interesting nice guy very nice guy that's nice he liked you he liked me i think and he was uh he let me ask him all his questions i remember one time my questions remember what said to me any more questions now he yeah he liked answering questions yeah and i had a lot of questions yeah and then he had to say like al it's two in the morning can you can you get out of my room al he never did say that he might have felt it i remember being in his room
And he might have felt, I remember we were watching Ronnie Shakes, remember?
Yeah, yeah.
On The Tonight Show.
He's funny.
Yeah, very funny.
I remember one of his jokes was, I bought a watch, very cheap watch.
It just says now.
Yeah, he was funny.
He passed away.
Yeah, I know.
Well, that's interesting.
So you're working as a comic and you're no longer doing law.
Working as a comic and no... Right.
I dabbled in law still a little, but then I realized I was taking a case with me on the road.
I'm in the funny bone working on a law case.
Right.
I didn't feel right.
It was too much.
I couldn't focus.
I could barely focus on one thing.
Right.
Not two things.
So I quit the law.
So that was like 86.
And then I started...
And then I got good in that one year.
I was on the road for like 48 weeks in one year, constantly everywhere.
And my friend started out with comedy with me, Dan, and he quit, but he saw me a year later.
He couldn't believe, in New York I was doing a spa, and he couldn't believe I had an act after a whole year on the road.
Yeah, I think, what year was that?
That was when he saw me in 87.
Right, right.
And I suddenly had an act.
Right.
So I was just kind of starting out then.
So we probably did the Evening at the Improv around the same time.
Well, I think I started doing Evening at the Improv maybe after I won Star Switch.
Like 89?
Yeah, 88.
Like there was a big push.
Where it just was on all the time.
They were constantly taping and there were all those shows.
Caroline's Comedy Hour, Evening at the Improv Comedy on the Road, MTV Half Hour.
All those.
We were all doing those and you were all in that.
So you did Star Search what year?
I did Star Search in the fall of 87.
So I was called the winner of 88.
And that's a big deal then.
It wasn't so much.
It was kind of, but not that much.
It was the fifth year of it.
And you made some money, though.
I remember the first year was the big deal.
Brad Garrett won it that first year, right?
Right.
So, yeah, it was $100,000.
I ended up blowing it.
I bought a house I shouldn't have bought.
I didn't trust my instincts.
I could have bought a house.
I had made the offer.
It was accepted.
And then someone told me, you're not the homeowner type, which is true.
But I backed out of it, and now it's worth millions in the Hollywood Hills.
Then I bought this house in the valley with the money like an idiot, and that went down in value, and I lost it all anyway.
But you were touring as a headliner.
Yes, but I wasn't really ready to be a headliner.
On good nights, I was, and on bad nights, I wasn't.
I had the material, but things had to go well.
They had to get me.
I remember one time this club owner, and it really is, to this day it's kind of true, I'm better at what I'm doing, but I can split a crowd.
You're a unique thing.
Thank you.
But it's hurt me on the road because, as you know, if you're not well known, they really want the guy just to do the job and have a lot of dick jokes and do the job and make everyone love you.
And so I get in trouble if everyone didn't love me.
And so tons of clubs didn't want me back because there was always a few people that just hated me.
So that's been a problem.
But is that what sort of started to chip away?
Yeah, me.
Yeah, the lack of work.
And then at the cellar,
the comedy salon in New York, I started doing well.
Yeah, I remember, yeah.
Yeah, but then I started losing that because I started, like, trying things out.
You know, you have to try.
Yeah.
And also, I was being pretty clean.
I wanted, I was challenged by being, not saying fuck, never saying fuck and trying to be really, having smart jokes and,
And I would get in trouble with a later night crowd that had heard a lot of sexual stuff.
Sure, I didn't know that one.
Yeah, where you're like, how am I going to follow that?
Yeah, going up, how am I going to make them think?
And then Esty was like, you did not do well.
Right, yeah, exactly.
So I'd lose spots there.
It was totally depressing.
It went from being one of the guys that got every spot to nothing.
But you did Letterman and stuff.
That came years later.
Yeah.
I mean, I did the Tonight Show with Carson.
I got on right before he quit.
That was really good.
And then I did a few with Leno.
Yeah.
I did like six with Jay Leno.
Yeah.
Up until like 96.
Uh-huh.
And then I tried to get a letter.
I finally got a Letterman in 2001.
And I did five of them.
Yeah, so you did a lot of big, important stand-ups.
Did you ever see me on Letterman, by the way?
Yeah.
Okay, because I was curious.
One time you said to me, I saw you on... I didn't think maybe you liked it.
No, I always like you.
No, because one time you said... Can I say this?
Sure.
No, of course.
You're going to kick me off the show?
No.
Okay.
Look, I've been an asshole before.
How did you interpret what I said?
Okay, because also I interpret everything negatively.
I know.
So it might be me, it might be you, and it might be both.
And I'll tell you exactly what I meant.
You said to me, oh, I think this is what you said.
I had just done Letterman.
What I had done really was the first time I ever did it.
I found out Letterman said to someone that it was one of the best he had seen.
I'm not saying that means it was the best, but you said, I saw you on Letterman.
I go, what'd you think of it?
I said,
I thought it was pretty good.
He goes, you went, really?
Was I joking?
No.
Oh, I think I was joking.
Maybe, maybe not, but I didn't take it.
I took it like, I took it, now this could be my negativity, but I took it like you're a guy giving shit to, you're a guy that doesn't want me to be confident and is looking for an opportunity to, this could be my narcissism, but maybe you're a guy intimidated with how well I did and wanted to put me down a little.
That's probably right.
I was very jealous.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, you were doing great.
I mean, why wouldn't I be here?
You were on fucking Letterman.
I couldn't get on Letterman at that time.
I see.
There you go.
You know what I mean?
Like, I, you know, I didn't do the tonight show with Carson.
You were a big act to me and then I loved what you did.
So yeah, I was probably a little jealous and I probably was being a little bit of a bully and I'm sorry.
Okay, no problem.
So I was right in my intuition.
Yeah, but it wasn't, but it had nothing to do with you.
I was just being a dick.
No, okay.
You know, like you did a good job.
You were great.
Do you remember?
Sure.
You thought it was great?
Yeah, I always think it was great.
Which is a good job or great?
You said you did a good job, you were great.
Those are two different things.
No, I thought you killed.
I was always happy.
Like, I had a lot of friends that did Letterman.
I was the guy going like, why the fuck can't I do Letterman?
So you coming up to me and declaring that you did a good job.
No, wait a minute.
I didn't know.
You said, I saw you on Letterman.
And you said, how did you think you did?
I said,
You asked me.
I didn't declare it.
Oh, I don't know.
That doesn't sound like I would do that.
No, I think you said, how did it go?
Doesn't it sound like you could say, how did it go?
Every comic says, how did it go?
Well, yeah.
So I was just being a dick and that's not unusual.
Okay.
And I'm sorry for that.
I think I've made up for that.
You have.
And also, you're also not being a dick by kicking me out right now.
But of course, yeah, I've heard.
I want to kick you out.
No, I apologize.
No, that's nice of you.
So what ultimately happens then after this wave of success and doing all these things to get you to like SRO?
the uh well i mean it doesn't sound like you had a drug problem or anything else it just sounds like you had no choice but to be exactly who you were and you don't give yourself enough credit for that you're a very defined act and you're a very defined person even in and a lot of it comes from your insecurities and whatever weird you know emotional wiring you have but but you like not unlike me you can't do it any other way
And that's sort of the curse of an artist on some level.
And it can go either way.
And there had been times before I started this podcast where I was the same way.
I couldn't get work at clubs.
I was definitely not for everybody.
And I wasn't even as articulate as an act as you are.
I was not that together.
I mean, you were a very together act.
I mean, you were very deliberate.
You had jokes.
You knew where you were going.
I was chaotic.
But I had the same fate that you had in that I was definitely not for everybody.
I made a lot of people uncomfortable for different reasons.
And by the time I started this thing, I was pretty desperate.
So is that ultimately what happened?
Well, you know, it's kind of funny.
But I'm jealous of you.
Again, that's great.
You have male energy.
You have action.
I had an idea of when I was living in the SRO of wanting to do a talk show from my bed in this little SRO and having people come up.
But again, it's hard for me to get guests.
Who's going to be my guest?
Well, I only have action out of desperation.
I mean, I think you're overestimating my male energy.
I mean, like, you know, the what I did with my charisma or what I did with my talent, you know, was push myself out there in a sort of over the top way.
You know, I was a very angry act.
I was a very sort of like provocative act, but that's not really who I am.
I'm a hypersensitive, insecure guy, just like you.
I just like, and obviously you figured out a way to get in front of people and make people reckon with you.
I just did it differently, but I don't think we're that different.
I think you're overestimating my masculinity.
I mean, I do whole bits about like, I call myself an alpha doormat.
I don't think I'm like some alpha dude.
I think we have more in common than you think.
It's just my act is my act, both in life and on the stage at different points where I was a lot more aggressive.
I was out of desperation?
Sure, I just wanted to connect.
Oh, but not money-wise.
You could have gone to your parents for money.
Not really.
After a certain point, they blew it.
Oh, they blew the money?
They had no money?
Not really, no.
I mean, when I got divorced, I had to ask my mother for money.
My dad hasn't had any money for a long time.
But certainly when I was younger, they had money.
But that, you know, I haven't really asked them for money except, you know, once when I was in the middle of a divorce, I had to ask my mom to, you know, get me over the hump.
Right.
And, you know, and she helped out.
But I really somehow or another, you know, found a way to make a living doing this.
But see, I am jealous of that.
Yeah.
Because you have the dignity to not, to just ask when you desperately need it.
I would always ask my mother for money.
Yeah.
And she would give it to me.
She wasn't wealthy, but she would give me.
And now she has no money.
Yeah.
Now I'm desperate.
Yeah.
But it's hard to be desperate when you are older and you can hardly move.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what are you doing?
I don't know.
But what was your earlier question?
How did it end up in the SRO?
Well, I mean, it seems fairly self-explanatory.
The work dried up.
Oh, yeah, right.
The work dried up.
But, you know, get back to your earlier question.
You said, how did you make it to the SRO?
I don't like to leave any question unattended because these questions are about me.
Okay.
And I feel I'm being neglected when you leap over a question.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
No, but uh, no, what's my point?
My point is how do I get to that SRO?
I don't know.
Do I need to answer that really?
I mean like I don't even know how that was 2002 2001 Again, no work.
I just transfer I'd go from LA.
No work to New York get a little work.
No work go back to LA a little work.
No work.
I keep moving around to no work.
No work.
Yeah, just not I couldn't headline clubs I tried cruise ships and
That don't work because they want you clean.
Yeah, I'm clean, but they never say clean and not dark.
I'm clean and dark.
Forget talking about my hatred of my mother.
It's clean.
You can't do that.
I mean, I remember I have a joke out of nowhere.
I go, I guess what I'm really trying to say here tonight is that I hate my mother.
And it gets left because it's out of nowhere.
after the i got a decent laugh but after an older guy comes up to me at the cruise shop you know the our women here hated that joke that you hate your mother we don't like that that you hate your mother yeah and so i wouldn't get back if just a few people complain on the cruise ships forget that so that's uh yeah so no money uh and also i guess i must say in my defense i didn't go to my mother for money so that's why i wasn't an sro i wanted to suffer because i have this masochism and self-dislike a lot and also you wanted to maybe you know act grown up
Yeah, I tried to be grown up and live in an SRO.
And it was literally, I have a joke in my acrobat, but literally five feet by 10 feet.
Literally five by 10.
I found out later rooms legally cannot be below eight by 10.
It wasn't even a legal room.
And jail cells are eight by 10.
It wasn't even.
And so I was living in this five by 10 for like six months.
And how did I get into it?
Yeah, no work.
And I wanted to get writing work.
I never wanted to write for others because the narcissism.
I don't like to give up my thoughts.
And I'm the same white dude.
I mean, we're very similar.
Mm-hmm.
And I've always liked you a lot, and I knew that there were times where you were in trouble, and then you started doing the one-man show, which I believe I saw.
I don't think you did.
I don't know.
I think I did somewhere.
Really?
Maybe in New York.
Where'd you do it in New York?
Yeah, I did it in New York.
Did you come?
Sometimes people came out.
I didn't know they were there.
I feel like I came.
Well, I started doing it in 2009.
What's it called?
It was Al alone back then.
Al alone.
Well, thanks if you can.
I started doing that.
And then I did get on this Edinburgh.
I did that a few times.
So I got some work in England.
I did get some work.
You spent a lot of time over there?
Yeah, I hung out.
But I was running out of work there.
And so I came back here and I'm getting no work here.
Virtually nothing.
I hate saying that because I've got a few gigs coming up.
And what if these gigs hear this?
and figure out, oh, this guy's not getting work, we'll cancel his gigs.
No, we'll hold on to it.
We can take anything you want out.
But do you feel like you're bouncing back a little bit?
Yes, because I must say I think a little, because why?
Because, well, some guy's helping me with, wants to sell my one-man show, wants to try to put it on, he's taping and wants to sell it.
Oh, great.
So that's a good thing.
Yeah, yeah.
So I feel in that sense I'm bouncing back.
And I must say, I think, you know, I must admit, I don't like to admit I've grown up a little, but I think I've grown a little.
So I'm a little more of a person, even though where I'm at is pretty dangerously bad.
I'm more of a person.
And I think I'd rather be more of a person this way than rather less of a person with money.
Yeah.
And also I think, look, dude, it takes time sometimes, it takes what it takes, and you had a difficult go at it emotionally all the way through, but it seems like your self-awareness is a little more expansive in a more proactive way than just sort of like when you hit the skids and you hit bottom, you got no choice but to look at your fucking self.
In a way, like I can't go to my mother, she has no money, so I actually can.
I've never been in the situation where I couldn't.
So that's waking me up.
Okay.
Well, I'm happy to see you, and I'm glad we talked.
Okay, thank you.
You good?
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
That's a stretch.
Are we good?
Are we good?
Yeah, we good.
We good?
We're good, yeah.
All right, Al.
Thank you.
Right now, I would like to sing you a song about myself.
How you doing?
My name's Al Lubell.
And I'd like to sing you this little song about myself I have arms I have legs I have hair
When I go to bed at night I fall asleep I have blood vessels
When I make toast I use bread Whenever I go out on a first date I always ask the girl where she's from
Originally And then she tells me And I say Oh Whenever I play basketball The veins in my ankles start to bulge out
And I'm always scared, I'm always scared that they're gonna break.
But they never do.
Lucky me.
Sometimes, sometimes it gets a bit of chest pain.
And I think I'm having a heart attack But then I burp and I'm okay I'm really embarrassed to admit
That I'm a sexual human being Cause every time Every time I'm French kissing with a girl
I keep thinking if she disappeared I'd look like Mick Jagger I'm Al Lubel I'm Al Lubel I'm Al Lubel I'm Al Lubel I'm really glad my first name's Al And not Lou Cause then my name would be Lulubel
And that would be so depressing.
Well, arms and legs and hair.
That's what I have.
Well, arms and legs and hair.
I don't like to break.
No, no, arms and legs and hair.
Oh, that's me.
Oh, that's me.
Whoever had Lubelle Wants and legs and hair That's me Lubelle
That was it.
That was Al Lubell.
That was the Al Lubell song, I think it's called.
700 frequency beta sector of the 4G on the roof of my building, the roof of my office building.
Be damned!
I will, I will win through shielding.
My hope is in copper now.
My hope is in copper.
Boomer lives!
you