Episode 679 - Pete Correale
Guest:Lock the gates!
Marc:All right, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck, buddies?
Marc:What the fucksters?
Marc:What's happening?
Marc:That's an abbreviated version.
Marc:Welcome to the show.
Marc:My name's Mark Marin.
Marc:This is WTF.
Marc:Thank you for listening.
Marc:I'm recording this during the Super Bowl.
Marc:That is not an act of radical extremism in any way.
Marc:It's so funny, man, on Super Bowl Sunday, like if I'm on Twitter or anything and I'm tweeting anything other than that.
Marc:People are like, what the fuck, man?
Marc:The game's on.
Marc:I don't care.
Marc:And that's not even hostile.
Marc:I mean, as some of you have heard me talk about, I mean, I...
Marc:I wish I enjoyed it.
Marc:I just don't... Look, I am very detached from a lot of things as of late, but I've always been detached from these sports.
Marc:And it's nothing personal.
Marc:There's part of me that wishes I was wired that way, but I'm not.
Marc:I hope you had a good Super Bowl Sunday and you didn't get...
Marc:Sick, and I hope you enjoyed the commercials and the games.
Marc:I have no idea who won because I'm recording this.
Marc:It actually might be starting in about an hour.
Marc:I do this, you know, obviously the day before.
Marc:So I hope your team did well.
Marc:I hope you felt...
Marc:Excited and electrified and sated by the spectacle of the Super Bowl.
Marc:I hope that Coldplay was entertaining and the commercials were everything they were anticipated to be.
Marc:I really hope it was a great American Sunday for all of you who enjoyed and engaged with the excitement.
Marc:of one of our national pastimes.
Marc:And I know that you might be projecting a bit of condescension in my voice.
Marc:It is not there.
Marc:I mean, what do I know?
Marc:What do I know?
Marc:How did I spend the day today?
Marc:I had a wonderful guest over here.
Marc:I don't even want to tell you who came over, but it's very exciting.
Marc:I spent 11 to 12 to one in the afternoon with him talking here in the garage.
Marc:And I sat on my deck and I had a cheese tortilla thing.
Marc:that I made in my toaster oven and thought about shit.
Marc:And I realized that I was not asked to any Super Bowl events and I'm not complaining as I've complained before, but not really complained, just stating the fact I don't get asked much doubt.
Marc:And I realized, I realized people,
Marc:I realize I have a limited social life.
Marc:I realize that says something about me.
Marc:I realize that I am a bit isolated in a way.
Marc:I do not hang out that much, but I do cherish the times
Marc:That I am able to hang out, like last night, you know, at the comedy store, you know?
Marc:Look, I got friends.
Marc:I think most of my social life happens here on the mics, as some of you know.
Marc:Today, we have the wonderful Pete Correale, comic from New York, who I always like seeing and talking to.
Marc:He's a great guy, very funny guy.
Marc:This is a comic day.
Marc:Stand-up comic day on WTF with Pete Correale.
Marc:Comics!
Comics!
Marc:The beautiful thing about the community of comedians is that I don't have to have friends necessarily.
Marc:I don't have to spend time with people.
Marc:If I go to the comedy store and I see the comics that I've known for decades, some of them, some of them for years, we hang out and I feel connected with my community and my people and we talk and we have a lovely time.
Marc:And that's my social life, that and hanging out with the girl, the painter, the Sarah.
Marc:And I was actually, about a week ago, I was like, yeah, I'm tired, man.
Marc:I got no new stand-up.
Marc:I don't know what I'm going to do.
Marc:And then I just booked myself.
Marc:This is always the way it goes.
Marc:I'm consumed with the work.
Marc:And then I got to work more because in my mind...
Marc:No matter what you think of me or what you think about what I do or if you like any of it, I'm a stand-up comedian at heart.
Marc:And that's what I set out to do.
Marc:And that's what I make myself do.
Marc:I have to be in shape.
Marc:I have to get up on stage, maintain that connection with an audience.
Marc:So fear doesn't set in.
Marc:You got to stay in that dialogue.
Marc:And I wasn't feeling great.
Marc:uh like on saturday that was not uh it was not really i shouldn't have been working because i'm doing 12 to 13 hour days on set on weekends i got to do what what everyone else who has a job does and let's get caught up and do the book work and the shopping and everything else on the weekend relax
Marc:But I put in for three spots at the store, at the Comedy Store.
Marc:And I got to tell you, I don't know if I can repeat this enough.
Marc:The Comedy Store is really the only comedy club to go to when you're in Los Angeles because it maintains its integrity as this weird dark palace of hate and humor to this day in all three rooms.
Marc:It remains perfectly authentic to what it was going back to its inception in the early 70s.
Marc:The Laugh Factory is why go there?
Marc:No reason.
Marc:The improv, no reason.
Marc:Just go to the comedy store so you can feel what it feels like to be in a real fucking place because there aren't that many real places anymore.
Marc:In the comics, it's sort of the inmates run the prison in a way.
Marc:Yeah, there's management and yeah, there's people in charge, but everybody who's working the door, everybody who's hanging around, mostly comics.
Marc:And it's just a beautiful madhouse of comedy and weirdness.
Marc:And every time I go in there, I'm like, oh my God.
Marc:It's just part of my heart that lives here.
Marc:I don't know if you know how we live, really.
Marc:comedians or what you think we all are in relation to each other or how much we socialize or whatever.
Marc:But when it comes right down to whatever our presence is in the public sphere or, you know, what podcasts we are on or what you think our point of view is, you know, at the end of the day and, you know, sitting in the fucking dressing room, you know, we're comedians.
Marc:And last night I just, I didn't feel well and I thought I was just going to go hit and run and do my spots and come home.
Marc:But I ran into Brian Scalero, fucking hilarious guy.
Marc:And I hadn't seen him in a while, so we started talking.
Marc:Tommy Rhodes was hanging around.
Marc:I go back to San Francisco with Tom, and he's here now, and he's hanging around.
Marc:In the main room, I brought up Sebastian.
Marc:So backstage...
Marc:Backstage in the main room, and this is comics territory.
Marc:So it turns out it's me, Brian Scalero, Anthony Jeselnik, Tom Rhodes.
Marc:We're all hanging out, talking in the back room of the main room.
Marc:Morgan Murphy comes in, hangs out for a while.
Marc:We're talking about comedy.
Marc:We're talking about family.
Marc:We're talking about...
Marc:You know, other comics who aren't doing that well.
Marc:Shout out to Keith Robinson.
Marc:Heard you had a little health issue.
Marc:We all love you, man.
Marc:Get better soon.
Marc:Joe Rogan comes in.
Marc:Now he's part of it.
Marc:And we're just laughing and we're just talking.
Marc:Sure, we're, you know, we're gossiping a bit.
Marc:But, you know, this is my community.
Marc:This is who we are.
Marc:And this is where we have a great time, you know, just kind of bullshitting.
Marc:And I just, I hope people realize that, that, you know, despite whatever you think we are separately, you know, most of the time when we all get together, we're, you know, we're co-workers in a way and we're comrades and we're, you know, we're having some fucking laughs.
Marc:It was so exciting for me that I got, for whatever reason, I got Sebastian laughing last night.
Marc:It's like I still get excited about that because him and I, you know, again, we don't hang out and we're sort of different.
Marc:I've talked to him here and I think he's a very funny guy and a quirky guy, but...
Marc:You know, when you get another comic laughing, it's a pretty, it's probably one of the best experiences as a comedian.
Marc:Before we get to the conversation with Pete Correale, I want to mention that his most recent stand-up special, Let Me Tell Ya, is still airing on Showtime and available on Showtime On Demand.
Marc:So this is me and Pete Correale hanging out in the garage.
Guest:Pete Correale.
Guest:Marc Maron.
Guest:Dude, I'm psyched, man.
Guest:I know you know that, though.
Guest:I even... Listen, I was like, do I bring it up?
Guest:Do I not bring it up?
Guest:Now I'm two seconds in and I'm bringing it up.
Guest:In my excitement, as you know, I'm such a fan that even way back in the day, I have...
Guest:I pulled out my old copy of The Jerusalem Syndrome, which I read, man.
Guest:I didn't just ask for the book.
Guest:I read it, me and my wife both, you know?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I had you sign it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And, you know, you said something nice about me and my wife, and at the bottom you go, one of my favorite comics.
Guest:And, of course, it's being nice, but then I go online, I'm like, 614 episodes in, and we're just getting to the favorite comics now?
Guest:Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Marc:come on but this this whole thing like even being in your house right when it started okay you know listen man you know how i've always you're one of my favorites i've learned a lot from watching you from knowing you yeah early on you were like a guy that that it was so funny to me because i my my sense of where you come from and where i come from i'm like what's this guy pulling my leg you know but but i knew you liked me and you were real nervous about it
Marc:But, you know, I feel like we come from whole different lives.
Marc:So I was always like, well, this is interesting.
Marc:I connect with this guy.
Marc:He must have something wrong with him.
Guest:I mean, you got the approachability of an aborigine, you know what I mean?
Guest:The comedy clubs.
Guest:That was different.
Guest:Yeah, but watching you, though, was like...
Guest:I distinctly remember pretty much the first time seeing you.
Guest:You're on stage at the comic strip, and you're telling a story about passing a guy on the street who was clearly homeless or whatever, and he had one thing to sell, and he was holding up a copy of the game Sorry.
Guest:And I was like, wow, no one's doing it like that, man.
Guest:No one's making me think and be more involved in the joke.
Guest:Everyone else is laying it out at that time.
Guest:That was a long time ago.
Guest:Yeah, but you were just, and just everything about you, you were doing it differently.
Guest:And then, of course, I was with my wife almost since the first joke we were dating.
Guest:And, you know, she was such a huge fan because of the cerebralness of what you were doing.
Guest:And then on top of all that, oh, dude, the hair.
Guest:You would do a bit and then you'd run your fingers through your hair.
Guest:And I'm like, that's just exasperating.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And lastly, I have to say, as I'm saying all this, because I'm very excited.
Guest:One time you're at the cellar, and you're doing a spot.
Guest:I'm in the back watching.
Guest:And it was one of these smart, thought out, great bits.
Guest:And it got a tepid response from the typical kind of crowd that was there at that time.
Guest:And then I'm totally paraphrasing.
Guest:You took a pause, and then you added something like, and then I said, suck it.
Guest:Just something so like that.
Guest:And the whole place laughed.
Guest:And then you go almost half-heartedly to yourself.
Guest:You go, just checking.
Guest:and it made me go oh wow all right so i'm just checking what i'm maybe that joke isn't bad maybe it's just not right for this moment you know and and all this is vindication bro thank you you know what i'm saying yeah finally right aside from everything else when you're only at the time when you were the only one believing in yourself and then you're like barely but dude you'd be in places right going am i am i fucking crazy i mean how are they not getting this yeah
Guest:But there was always pockets of people that were really getting it.
Guest:If nobody was getting it.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I heard you say once on an interview with someone's, you know, when I'd start to have some fans and then they'd come out to see me someplace like San Antonio and they'd realize there was very few of us.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I'd see the disappointment in their faces.
Guest:It's weird.
Guest:But it's not to them, man.
Guest:It's like we know something that no one else knows and now everyone else knows, man.
Marc:Well, thanks, buddy.
Marc:No doubt.
Marc:i appreciate it but that's a good way to look at it i would never have looked at that's the difference between me and you i'm like hey sorry you know i know you came here expecting to be among a crowd of many but it's just you four but i'll you know i'll do this show but i always look at it through the insecurity right of like uh oh shit they're they're disappointed i'm disappointed no no they were probably like holy shit we're the only ones here this is gonna be like having dinner with them
Guest:Well, you were so angry before people felt this way about you that I figured you'd be more happy when they finally did see what you always saw.
Marc:I don't know if I always saw it.
Marc:I didn't know how to do it any different.
Marc:There was no plan.
Marc:My first assumption was that I'm not doing it right.
Marc:Maybe I picked the wrong thing.
Marc:Maybe I should be a teacher.
Marc:I don't know what the fuck I was supposed to do, but I had no choice in my mind.
Marc:I wasn't going to do anything else.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And there was also always probably just enough people telling you and just just enough projects coming your way to keep to keep.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:Just dangling you a little.
Marc:Here's another chance.
Marc:And also, I love doing stand up.
Marc:Of course.
Marc:And the thing was, is that this I guess that's true.
Marc:I just never frame it that way, that it was belief in myself.
Marc:I just felt compelled to keep working on those goddamn jokes and to keep, you know, trying things and to keep trying to, you know, I always believed in stand up.
Marc:But you saw that Sorry Game.
Marc:That was like the first time you saw me.
Marc:That's a long time ago.
Guest:Oh, yeah, man.
Marc:When did you start going to comedy?
Marc:Because were you doing stand-up already?
Guest:I started like 95, late 94, 95 is when I started.
Guest:I was a few years out of college.
Marc:I guess that's about right.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, man.
Marc:Where'd you grow up?
Marc:Long Island.
Marc:And your wife is like an English major, right?
Marc:An English teacher or something.
Guest:She worked at Columbia Research.
Guest:Yeah, very smart.
Guest:She's got a master's from NYU.
Marc:I always thought you were an interesting couple.
Marc:I was like, you were like a project for her.
Guest:Yeah, like I read American Psycho once because there is a part of me that's into something like that, but I couldn't get through it.
Guest:And I remember thinking like, all right, describing your outfit for a chapter?
Guest:Who gives a shit about Huey Lewis?
Guest:He's got a whole chapter on Huey Lewis.
Guest:Then I meet my wife and she's like, Rita, you'll understand.
Guest:That's the whole point.
Guest:And then I reread it and I'm like, oh, this guy.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Now I know why we're doing this Huey Lewis thing.
Guest:So she opened my eyes up.
Guest:You know, I feel like when you get married, there's two parts to every man.
Guest:And depending on who you marry, that woman's either going to make the good part blossom or make the other part come out.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:Did you deal with both parts?
Guest:Well, no.
Guest:I'm just saying I married a woman that made me work harder, right?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, that's what I wanted.
Guest:I didn't want to marry a woman that let me be lazy or crazy and just say, oh, that book sucked.
Guest:I didn't even get it.
Guest:That book was great.
Guest:I mean, not even in a movie.
Guest:Do you remember there's a scene in that book?
Guest:where he's in the elevator with Tom Cruise and he just feels compelled to say something to Tom Cruise and he goes, I loved you in that movie Bartender and Tom Cruise is like, it was called Cocktail and Patrick Bateman's like, whatever.
Guest:And at that point, I was so into the book, I'm like, he doesn't even give a shit about Tom Cruise.
Yeah.
Guest:you know so who wrote right easton ellis yes you did yes you did i talked to him on his podcast and the other one jesus so you grew up where in long island uh a town called oakdale out in suffolk county yeah yeah man but like what was the childhood how many kids full italian uh half italian half irish my mom's all irish big drinking family dad's all italian yeah um you know and like my dad was an architect who became a partner in the firm
Marc:Oh, so that's it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:All right.
Marc:That's not a fisherman.
Guest:No, no.
Guest:My mom was a school teacher.
Guest:So you grew up with some brains in the house.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:My father always said, you know, just go to college, get your degree.
Guest:I don't give a shit what you're doing.
Guest:I remember being like 24 years old, college degree.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was mopping and sweeping the floors in New York comedy club for stage time.
Marc:Oh, for what's his name?
Marc:Al Martin.
Marc:For Al?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And during the daytime, I worked front desk at a hotel.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I go home, and I change, and I did it for free.
Guest:And the first night, first of all, I call my father when I get the job.
Guest:There's no money involved.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm on a pay phone.
Guest:I'm like, Dad, I'm going to mop and sweep for free, and I get to go on last every night.
Guest:And not once did my father go, Dad.
Guest:the fuck are you doing what are you out of your mind you go okay good for you go you do it you know yeah and the first night I did it too Maren it got to the first night you went on stage yeah the first night I'm working for Al Martin I'm in the back what a monster he was right a nice monster well no this is a good story because the place he goes you're always gonna go on last and I'm sitting in the back and I'm looking through the little window yeah and uh and there's a place you'd come into once in a blue moon right oh yeah sure yeah yeah I remember you coming in too and you'd be in the summertime you'd wear sandals and shorts I know I know
Guest:Who would expose themselves to that level?
Guest:I don't even put my sleeves down in front of the crowd.
Guest:Just my hands and face.
Marc:That's all the flesh they're getting from me.
Marc:It was so humid.
Marc:I was just sweaty all the fucking time.
Marc:At some point, I was like, fuck it.
Marc:Yeah, but you need the clothing to deflect them if they don't laugh at your bit.
Guest:You need that shield.
Guest:I mean, you're just naked to the world doing new bits with your toe showing.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:You don't even know if it's about to bit.
Marc:They're looking at your sandals.
Marc:I didn't even think about it that much.
Marc:At a certain point, the humidity was just killing me.
Marc:How important could this set be at that fucking place?
Marc:The mic was always broken.
Marc:The sound bounced around everywhere.
Guest:so the first night i'm there and i'm looking through the little window and it's like two drunk kids guys left the only ones in the crowd yeah and i'm gonna go next and yeah and they come in and they go you're next get ready and i go nah you know what i'm i'll start tomorrow i'll just you know i'm just oh yeah i'm getting settled in here like i gotta learn my free job how to sweep first let me get settled it's like you're a joke oh look at me i'm doing two fries at once
Marc:Well, you remember all the good old ones.
Marc:Dude, what are you saying?
Marc:I'm telling you.
Guest:You're one of my top five of all time.
Guest:So my point is Al Martin comes in and he goes, listen, you don't want to go up because there's two.
Guest:Let me tell you, there's going to be times when there's only one.
Guest:You got a college degree.
Guest:You're doing this for free.
Guest:You didn't come here to mop my floors for free.
Guest:You came here for the stage time.
Guest:Get the fuck out there and do the stand up.
Guest:At least he made me do it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They had, when I worked there and then even afterwards, they had a George Foreman grill at the podium when you walk in to pay and go through.
Guest:And if you're coming to the next show, there'd be a line.
Guest:And you're seeing them taking frozen wings and smushing them on the George Foreman grill.
Guest:right in front of you right next to the register breaking every code yeah that to get to the point where i'd be on stage and like there's people in the front row eating them i'm like did you see them cooking them in the grill and they go yeah i go and you're eating them i don't even i don't even want you to get my jokes you don't even deserve to get my jokes man you have no self-respect i can't believe everybody's vote counts the same did you talk to obama about that that's ridiculous
Guest:You have a Walmart eyeball on someone else going, so you nullify my shit?
Guest:If you vote the opposite of me, I'm nullified.
Marc:Holy shit, man.
Marc:What are we doing?
Marc:And then he had those doors with the sliding doors that weren't even real bathroom doors, and you never knew if that fucking lock would catch.
Marc:I just remember one night there was some drunky, crazy girl dragging me into a bathroom, and her boyfriend was outside.
Marc:I'm like, what am I doing?
Marc:I'm getting my ass kicked.
Marc:It was crazy.
Marc:It was crazy.
Marc:And, like, you'd walk in there and you never could move because there was people waiting.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:Yeah, man.
Guest:Just not conducive to what you were doing.
Marc:But that's where you started.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, but that was the whole thing.
Marc:I had no choice.
Marc:There was no choices.
Marc:I know.
Marc:And I'm happy about that.
Marc:No, I know.
Guest:It makes you stronger, man.
Marc:Well, what the fuck would... If I would have started, like, you know, five years ago and I wouldn't even have to go into a comedy club, I mean, I had to figure out how to get those fucking monkeys to like me.
Guest:Yeah, man.
Marc:And they were not there for my shit.
Marc:No way.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No way, man.
Guest:It was crazy.
Marc:There was so much more going on than just stand-up comedy, man.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:I didn't even understand what was going on, but it was messy.
Marc:All right, so you got brothers and sisters?
Guest:I got an older sister and a younger brother.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:What do they do?
Guest:Oh, man, my sister's big time in a hotel chain.
Guest:You know, she was the head of sales at the Warwick in Manhattan, and now she's part of an even bigger chain.
Guest:Big corporate.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Even, like, when I call her, I'm like, she can't, like, not do the corporate.
Guest:Right.
Guest:She's got an au pair.
Marc:What more do I have to tell you, Marin?
Marc:They got an au pair.
Marc:And she brings her on Christmas.
Marc:Oh, nice word for a nanny.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And the au pair, you know, nothing.
Guest:Christmas, you know, they're in town for Christmas.
Guest:And the last one we had, she's German.
Guest:yeah and uh at one point the bread came out my brother grabbed it right away and i'm like you grab it before i ask what are you a nazi i mean i throw but it's my christmas table yeah is that on me i mean do i have to watch what i say on christmas at my table because you're bringing an au pair i mean and we have to get her a gift on top of that
Marc:Good seeing you, man.
Marc:Good seeing you, buddy.
Marc:Dude.
Marc:That was always the thing with me and you.
Marc:I liked watching you.
Marc:I thought you were funny.
Marc:You had a good style.
Marc:There's a slight difference between you offstage and oddstage.
Marc:A little bit, but it's good.
Marc:It's not a professional disposition, but you've got almost like we all do.
Marc:You've got a slightly amplified version of yourself up there.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And your jokes.
Marc:But I always thought, like, I still don't understand how this kid likes me so much.
Marc:I feel like we live in different worlds.
Marc:I couldn't talk about sports with you.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I feel bad about that.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:No, you know, I had enough people talking sports.
Guest:I didn't need to talk.
Guest:I didn't want it to.
Guest:Even mentioning sports now with you is like, I don't need that from you, man.
Guest:I can't believe you remember that joke.
Guest:I know.
Guest:See, because with me, you look at me, you're stereotyping.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, Italian guy, Long Island, you know.
Marc:Yeah, maybe.
Guest:He's hit me with Brett Easton Ellis, and he's a fan of mine.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:No, but I always knew that, though.
Marc:But then there was some point where I realized when I started talking to you and your wife that you were this sweet guy.
Marc:You're very thoughtful.
Marc:You got your own take on the world.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, you're not some idiot.
Marc:No.
Guest:I'm a prisoner in the accent.
Marc:Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Guest:but does your whole family have it yeah i mean my dad is like uh he's a partner in a firm and everyone else is like five or six other guys he's retired now living on a golf course all that but uh at the time is he living on a golf course yeah where eastern pennsylvania really interesting choice yeah so he came all you know it's to be near family and then yeah who's got kids your sister my sister you got one now my brother's got i got one i got a daughter when did that happen
Guest:happen a couple years ago holy shit yeah i say on stage bro i say in the special uh my wife and i weren't even trying and when you're looking at a positive pregnancy test when you're not trying i go that's like getting a speeding ticket in the mail yeah you're just looking at that trying to backtrack a month where were we had to have this happen i'm old marion i'm old how old are you
Marc:45?
Marc:No, that's all right.
Marc:That's the right time.
Marc:Could you imagine you were the kid five years ago?
Guest:No, I don't.
Marc:No, I mean, you would have been, like, remember, you were a little drunky, you were fucking running around.
Guest:Yeah, man, yeah.
Guest:I just feel like I'm ready to give this kid some knowledge.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Do you love her?
Guest:it's all right we'll see but like yeah of course what are you kidding me man it's unbelievable i can't wait well it's uh it's sort of unreal like she's so smart i i if if i did i mean she's she's chinese smart you know i'm saying she's two and a half but she's really three and a half yeah yeah really but like when you like okay so you you find out you're pregnant yeah you know she's your wife's pregnant she is
Marc:Well, people say that.
Marc:I don't marry.
Marc:All right, fine.
Marc:So she's pregnant.
Marc:Do you freak out at first?
Marc:Like, what are we going to do?
Marc:Was there a choice?
Marc:Or did you just do it's time?
Guest:Well, no, it was go time.
Guest:And it happened out here in L.A.
Guest:We were out here for only like about six, seven months.
Guest:So, you know, it gave me a reason to, you know, I wasn't.
Guest:But the thing is.
Guest:uh it's kind of in the special too because we tried for the special is called let me tell you that one yeah yeah all right but i'm just saying because we tried for a while and we couldn't get it done you know i ended up i went to the fertility clinic and you say that like it's a shameful thing oh yeah it's embarrassing it is why all right yeah i mean i know some men that knew in the moment when it happened man like they knew when it happened i said i thought i had that once i looked at my wife as soon as we're done i'm like congratulations
Guest:You want the cell phone or call your mother?
Guest:Didn't happen at the fertility clinic.
Guest:And then there's kids running around in a fertility clinic.
Guest:I do a bit about that, man, bringing a kid to a fertility clinic.
Marc:So what happens at the fertility clinic?
Marc:How long ago was that?
Guest:All right, I'll be honest with you.
Guest:This was about four or five years ago.
Guest:And we didn't want to have, we weren't going to have kids.
Guest:We were going to be a couple that didn't want it.
Guest:And then right towards the tail end, my wife started to feel like she wanted to.
Guest:Right.
Guest:The tail end of what?
Guest:being able to physically oh right right right okay yeah yeah so uh and i also was like either way so i was like yeah let's let's go for it thinking being italian that if i said let's do this today by thursday we'll be making a shower list right
Guest:no brainer it'll just happen yeah we're that powerful i could just look at you right so then um yeah it didn't happen that easily it didn't happen at all right and then it was frustration sets in so then we go and then like it doesn't sex become like like a chore you're timing it out and did you have to get into that like you're figuring out the cycles and like oh my god we gotta do it now we gotta
Guest:Yeah, yeah, you did.
Guest:And then the thing is, she has, who has this with her insurance, we're able to go to a fertility clinic at the NYU Medical on the east side, really good place.
Guest:The doctor apparently was Celine Dion's doctor.
Guest:and it's so crazy because you're in there and you can just see that I'm sorry but this desperation and people you know sure yeah I know they're like they want it to happen different levels we weren't at that level my brother went through it for years before he adopted yeah years a decade dude heartbreaking yeah yeah is it is it's frustrating and the doctor that they got no bedside manner in there whatsoever they're talking about like we're looking at the under the hood of a Datsun here
Marc:Everything looks all right except for this one thing.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I don't know if we can replace that, but we might be able to.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:So, and along those lines, just do a few things to make sure you're very fertile when the time comes.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then I take my, in the basic terms, just artificially, no, not artificially, put me in her, right?
Guest:Right, sure.
Guest:So, you know, I tried to do a bit about doing that, but come on, man.
Guest:What am I, fucking Rodak, you know?
Guest:Well, I mean, I am, but...
Guest:what do you mean you can barely talk about it you like the thing and then well i just don't want to be bitty with you you know i want to be honest about it yeah yeah yeah uh so anyway um uh so ironically it's the night i'm going on the comedy cell boat ride and right before i get on it yeah dude i mean talk about low rock bottom i was going on the boat ride can we get a drum roll
Guest:For the money.
Guest:For the money.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:Yeah, at the time.
Marc:It was like 200 bucks.
Marc:Yeah, you know.
Marc:I did it once, I think.
Marc:And I was like, I'm not doing this again.
Marc:Because I had a mediocre set.
Marc:And then you got to walk around the fucking boat while a tell kills.
Marc:yeah yeah yeah i can't even get people to listen at the back of the boat and then they try to tell you like it's fun it's not fun it's not fun how many times have people told you that you know i have a good set like please yeah i'm just gonna try to get through that yeah i mean where how do you look out there and what part of your brain do you like this is gonna be okay this is like i gotta live through this i did like so much of my career was looking out at rooms going like
Marc:Oh, no.
Marc:Not those guys.
Marc:This is going to be hard.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, fuck.
Marc:So you're doing it for the money.
Guest:And on top of that, when you do that boat thing, you could be having a nice little moment, and if they make a wrong turn, and it's a sight like the Statue of Liberty or something, you're done, man.
Guest:I mean, you purposely don't go into a bit if you know they're going around that shit.
Guest:Oh, there's the statue.
Guest:The last time I was on it, I think Quinn's on stage, and we docked, and he's still on.
Guest:I don't even think I'd stay on the boat of Pry.
Guest:It was in his prime.
Guest:I'd be like, I'm sorry.
Guest:I'm getting off this fucking thing, man.
Guest:Are you out of your mind?
Marc:I never understood the logic of it.
Guest:I mean, it's nice of them.
Guest:It's a wonderful club, and it gets the comedians together.
Marc:Right, but what was the boat ride?
Marc:Did they make money on that?
Marc:Did they make a big bunch of money?
Marc:I don't know that they made the money, but they're very generous with the comedians.
Marc:There's one picture of the boat ride, and I'm in it.
Marc:And I'm the one – my face is sort of darkened in the back, and I can see me wearing one of my dumb Hawaiian shirts that I used to wear all the time and just not looking happy.
Marc:Nope, nope.
Marc:So what happened that night?
Marc:So you're doing it for the money.
Guest:Yeah, you know, I mean, it wasn't a pretty time.
Guest:And she called – my wife calls up and says that it can't happen.
Guest:They can't get through the blockage from a previous minor surgery she had –
Guest:Anyway, can't happen.
Marc:At least they figured it out, huh?
Guest:Yeah, but then he's like, but don't worry.
Guest:There's something else we can do.
Guest:And then my wife goes, you know, I don't even, that was too much pressure.
Guest:I don't even want to deal with it.
Guest:Forget it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Sad times.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So.
Marc:And then what happened?
Guest:And we moved out here.
Guest:We said the hell with it.
Guest:We took our Jeep Wrangler, our dog.
Guest:And we took three weeks, three and a half weeks, driving our Jeep Wrangler from New York to L.A.,
Guest:And the goal was to not go over roads where you do over 50 miles an hour.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Stay off the highway.
Guest:Wherever we want to go.
Guest:I mean, at one point we were in Kansas.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And we wake up one morning, I'm looking at the map, and I had just finished reading In Cold Blood, the Capote book.
Marc:Sure, sure.
Guest:And I'm like, Holcomb, Kansas is only an hour away on the map.
Guest:These are the sites.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And we drove to Holcomb, and I checked out the house.
Guest:Did you?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's crazy, man.
Guest:Did it feel like other people did that, or you were one of the- Well, this is the craziest thing.
Guest:What's the name of the- Do you remember?
Marc:The Cutter, the Cutter family.
Marc:The Cutter family, yeah.
Guest:They were the family that got all murdered in the house.
Guest:So you drive, we pull up dirt road to this little coffee shop slash gas station.
Guest:There's nothing else there.
Guest:And I go in, and there's a woman behind the counter.
Guest:I mean, like a Stephen King novel.
Guest:I go, excuse me, do you know where the Cutter house is?
Guest:And she looks at me and makes her face but won't answer.
Guest:And everyone sort of turns away.
Guest:And, you know, being a Long Island guy, I'm like, oh, okay, what, are you not going to fucking tell me?
Guest:Like, you think I'm just going to leave?
Guest:Ooh, they're not telling me, Jack.
Guest:I guess we got to leave.
Guest:We're going to fucking Google it or something.
Guest:It's happening.
Guest:So finally something.
Guest:So somebody else calls me over and says, well, listen, it's a mile up that way, and then it's a long dirt road leading to just that house.
Guest:But they're not going to let you on the property or anything like that.
Guest:And I go, no, it's fine.
Guest:I don't want to go on the property.
Guest:I just want to see if I'm at this.
Guest:Well, that's where it is.
Guest:So we start driving our Jeep, and we're going down the dirt road.
Guest:You are to the house?
Guest:We're going to the house.
Guest:And now you can see it, just like in the book, in the distance.
Guest:It's maybe like two football fields away, and we're just down the dirt road.
Guest:Now a Jeep, just like mine, starts coming the other way.
Guest:And he literally does one of those where he gets in front of me.
Guest:I'm going real slow.
Guest:And he waves me to stop.
Guest:And he pulls up right next to me and he goes, hey, what are you doing?
Guest:Where are you going?
Guest:And I was like, oh, hey, you know, I was just going to check out the house.
Guest:He goes, you're going to see the house, right?
Guest:I said, yeah.
Guest:And he goes, well, my mother owns that house now.
Guest:He's a guy about my age maybe.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:And I go...
Guest:Well, listen, I'm not going on the property or anything like that.
Guest:I just wanted to take a look.
Guest:And he's like, I like your Jeep.
Guest:What year is it?
Guest:It's a 2001.
Guest:It's got a lot of years on it, man.
Marc:It's a Jeep thing.
Guest:I don't know if you ever had one.
Marc:No, you love it, though.
Guest:Yeah, but even when you pass people, they do a Jeep sign.
Guest:Okay, fine.
Guest:Move on.
Marc:Move on.
Marc:I have things like that.
Marc:I'm not like a man that does not have things.
Marc:I have boots.
Marc:And I have moments where I'm like, all right, we're Red Wing guys.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:You've got a fly place in records.
Guest:You're a man's man.
Marc:I know that.
Guest:Okay, fine.
Guest:I'm just saying there was a reason why two men in a Jeep would have a Jeep conversation.
Marc:I'm not a Jeep guy, but, you know, I'm a, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I'm a nice boot guy.
Guest:So you got the alpha for a Wrangler, for whatever that's worth.
Marc:I know I thought about it, but, you know, you're high up and it's not practical for me.
Marc:What am I going to go, four wheeling?
Marc:Yeah, I got a Camry.
Marc:That's what I did.
Marc:That's true.
Marc:It's true.
Marc:I don't have to worry about it.
Marc:But I like the idea of a Jeep.
Marc:I can appreciate the Jeep, and I understand.
Marc:So you're having this Jeep moment on a dirt road to go to a murder scene.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And his mother owns the place.
Guest:And his mother owns the place.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:And he kind of started to take to me, and he goes, well, if you'd like to see the house, I'll let you see the house for $25, right?
Guest:That's nothing.
Guest:And I go, what do you mean?
Guest:Like, go in?
Guest:And he's like, yeah, my mom will let you go in for $25.
Guest:Oh, shit.
Guest:So, you know, now it's weird, you know?
Guest:Wow.
Marc:And like you said, that was weird.
Marc:You're driving down a dirt road to see an old murder scene, and now the guy actually says you can, and you're like, sorry, freak, I'm out.
Guest:I'm focusing on the fact that a man won a Pulitzer for writing about this area.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I didn't even want to go in.
Guest:There was four different murders in the house in different areas.
Guest:Like, was he going to take me to the radiator where the one was tied up?
Guest:Well, that's the thing, because you said, have other people done this?
Guest:I said, no, it's all right.
Guest:Do you mind if I just go to the edge of the driveway and take a photo?
Guest:He's like, yeah, I'll call my mama and tell her you're going to do that.
Guest:She won't mind.
Guest:They even bought it off the second owner afterwards.
Guest:So I said, has anyone else done this?
Guest:And he goes, in the summertime, we get 10 to 15 cars a day on weekends up to 20.
Marc:So he's making a living.
Guest:I said, do you do this anymore?
Guest:He goes, no, because we used to try and do it, but they would come randomly like when we're eating dinner.
Guest:It was never a set time.
Marc:Wow.
Guest:So my mom just shut it down and we don't do it at all anymore.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:So isn't that trippy, man?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Did you go in the house?
Guest:No way, man.
Guest:I didn't want to be number five.
Guest:What are you kidding me?
Guest:And then the dummy goes in.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Just from a distance.
Marc:what else did you see when you were driving across so because like it's hard now you go on you to get off the highway because a lot of the stuff that's interesting like you know towns or this or that it's not there anymore yeah no absolutely well we cut through parts of our around cleveland really cool you pick some weird things so you're in kansas you go to the in cold blood yeah house and what do you what's in cleveland well my wife we left from her hometown so we were from ohio she's from upstate new york so you come through that's a little rough up there huh
Guest:dude i live in a small town up there now where for dona new york uh-huh yeah yeah people i don't know if people realize you get up up north there it's a little hill country huh yeah it certainly is amish quite a bit of amish and so i had a we stop at a place rural rural and there's an amish card right so uh is this outside of cleveland now
Guest:I'm sorry, outside of Cleveland.
Marc:Okay, yeah.
Guest:So I take a photo, okay?
Guest:But we're using one of these nice Nikon cameras when I use them.
Guest:We're really trying to document it.
Guest:So I take out my wife's camera.
Guest:All I want is the black wagon and the horse.
Guest:By the time I set up, the guy's in the wagon.
Guest:So I take the photo.
Guest:So we go inside the shop.
Guest:He takes off.
Guest:We get up, maybe a little bit of a ways, and there's a railroad track, and we got to go around him.
Guest:So you slow down.
Guest:As I'm going around him, I got the top down.
Guest:I go to give a wave, and the Amish guy looks at me, and he goes, you could have asked.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest:And I just drove by, and I look at my wife.
Guest:I think he said I should have asked.
Guest:She says, what are you talking about?
Guest:I go, I took a photo.
Guest:He got in the wagon, whatever, right?
Guest:Doesn't he know what he looks like?
Guest:He's very photogenic.
Guest:Well, so...
Guest:So then, cut to about 15 minutes later, and this is only the second day into a 25, 26 day trip.
Marc:Wow, you took that long, huh?
Marc:Yeah, man.
Guest:Holy shit.
Guest:So like the second day in, now we see some sort of lake and my wife's like, let me get a photo of that.
Guest:This is early on, you know, you stop for a
Guest:bird you know what i mean so we pull over to this lake thing to take some photos and she gets out to get a better shot and i turn the jeep around all of a sudden the amish guy comes clopping by with his horse right same guy same guy and he's going pretty fast and he's i see him see me and he keeps going and then he stops with the horse and he turns around and i'm like oh man
Guest:I mean, not only... You're making the horse do this.
Guest:The horse doesn't even want to be involved.
Guest:Now you're turning around, and he comes up to me, and now his horse is leaning over the hood of my Jeep, and he gets up close, and he says, how did the photo come out or something along those lines?
Guest:And I'm like, listen...
Guest:I didn't even mean to get you.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:I wanted to just get your wagon.
Guest:You got in.
Guest:I mean, he's like, well, let me have a copy of it.
Guest:I go, I don't even know what that means.
Guest:He's like, well, let me see it.
Guest:And I go, I'm not going to let you have my camera.
Guest:I don't even know.
Guest:And then Jackie comes over and she's like, what's going on?
Guest:I'm like, listen, can you just move, sir?
Guest:Can you just move?
Guest:And I just kind of got in the car and I go, I'm sorry.
Guest:I don't even know.
Guest:And as I drove off, he's yelling, you should ask next time.
Guest:It's rude.
Guest:What did you think he was going to do?
Guest:Run off with your camera in the cart?
Guest:Well, what does he want to do?
Guest:What does he need to look at it for?
Guest:He's going to go, oh, that's beautiful.
Guest:Can you email me?
Guest:Maybe.
Guest:Maren, he's on me.
Guest:What is he going to tell me?
Guest:Email it to the Walgreens.
Guest:I got an account there.
Guest:They'll print it out for me.
Marc:You thought he was going to maybe break the game?
Guest:Who the hell?
Guest:Yes, that's exactly what I thought.
Guest:I mean, if you're willing to turn around and you're that angry, it's like...
Guest:Again, I feel like there's an anger about you chose that and you're angry about it.
Marc:Right, right, right.
Marc:He locked in.
Marc:You had driven a while.
Marc:This was like 20 minutes later.
Marc:He's still clopping along, holding on to it.
Marc:There's that fucker.
Guest:I knew I would catch up with him.
Guest:I always said, if I ever catch up with one of these fuckers, I'd do something.
Marc:You ruined his whole plan.
Marc:He's still hanging on to it.
Marc:Oh, wait, I forgot.
Marc:He could still just drive away.
Guest:or run yeah all right so okay so what but did you go to other places like uh here's a heavy one here's like one of the ending ones uh so we had the dog my dog was on its last leg english car yeah it had a good run it was like 15 man yeah yeah actually outlived the expectancy to breed you know yeah uh to the point where you know you're like let's wrap this up i bought you based on the fact that you died within 10 years i want to travel now guy all right so uh
Guest:You know, you know, some comics with their dogs affect their career.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Because, you know, they, you know, got to take care of the dog.
Marc:Pets.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So anyway, that's why I got the dumb cats.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You just get someone to drop food off and they're like, all right, take it easy.
Marc:That's a good move.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, got to walk them.
Marc:Occasionally they'll freak out and have a few days where they shit on things.
Marc:But, you know, it's cat shit.
Marc:It's not a disaster.
Marc:Yeah, I had dogs my whole life.
Marc:It's a fucking chore, dude.
Marc:I'm surrounded by old English sheepdogs.
Marc:I grew up with hair all over me all the time.
Marc:There's just fucking hair everywhere and shit everywhere.
Marc:Now people are like, don't you like dogs?
Marc:I'm like, I did dogs.
Marc:I'm done with dogs.
Guest:Are these your first cats?
Guest:Have you had any cats pass on you yet?
Marc:Yeah, but I missed it.
Marc:Like I had one disappear that was brutal.
Marc:I still think about him.
Marc:And then there was one that Mishno bought me, the first cat, Butch, that came out here with us, but it was sick.
Marc:And I was in New York doing that radio thing and it died here and they buried it down there.
Guest:Is it as devastating as a dog dying?
Guest:Because, I mean, you know, burying my dog was ridiculous.
Marc:Well, you know, I think, like, I don't... These are the ones.
Marc:You know, the two I got now are, like, I think it's going to hurt me.
Guest:Yeah, well, I mean, we had the music played loud, and then you went to check on them after we lowered the record play.
Marc:Oh, did you see them running around like a lunatic?
Guest:I don't want to be around today.
Guest:Oh, yeah, you're going to be very sad, to say the least.
Marc:Yeah, because I got those guys in the alley in Astoria.
Marc:Like, I've had those guys...
Marc:for like 11 years now.
Marc:I trapped them.
Marc:They were wild in a story, and there were five of these fucking feral kittens that I saved, and somehow I got these two out here.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:And, you know, I've had them for that long.
Marc:So, yeah, I mean, and there's a couple outside here that have been coming around for a decade, but I don't get attached.
Marc:One, it was weird.
Marc:One...
Marc:That used to come here like years ago, like seven or eight years ago.
Marc:One of these, I don't know whose it was, but I used to feed it.
Marc:It showed up like about a year ago.
Marc:I hadn't seen him in years.
Marc:It came here to die.
Marc:Oh, wow.
Marc:Like this old sick fucking cat.
Marc:I'm like, I remember you.
Marc:What's up?
Marc:He's like, not good.
Marc:Got flies around my eyes.
Marc:So like, you know, there's bugs and shit.
Marc:and i and i even miss that because i went out of town and the the woman i'm seeing she came over and he just like he just it was no good there was nothing you could do he was dying but he tried to go under the house and he didn't even make it he got halfway into the hole here and just fucking crapped out wow and she but she took care of that well they say you try to go back to the place you love the most well that's what i think like i'm glad he had fond memories of me spreading the
Guest:word guy.
Marc:There have been a lot of cats coming around over the years.
Marc:I had to put one down.
Marc:I don't think it was anybody's but I don't fucking know.
Marc:It was all sick and full of snot and shit.
Marc:So I trap it and I bring it in.
Marc:The doc is like he's got the feline age and he's got a pretty bad bronchial thing but it's probably the beginning of it.
Marc:The end.
Marc:I'm like alright.
Marc:Well put him down.
Marc:But then I always wonder is there a family somewhere two blocks away going I don't know where the cat is.
Guest:I know where it is.
Marc:I took care of it.
Guest:Well, I don't know, man.
Guest:They're probably going, I hope somebody did that for it, right?
Guest:Yeah, maybe.
Guest:Sometimes we get the little mice that are so small that you got to use glue traps.
Marc:I know.
Marc:I had to do that too.
Marc:That's brutal, dude.
Guest:And then my wife, I don't do it, but then she takes a knife, the dull part, and presses them here until they pass out.
Guest:She kills them because she feels bad.
Guest:So she does that before she throws them out.
Guest:Oh, it's so sad.
Guest:She just presses the knife there.
Guest:Oh, man.
Guest:Oh, she can handle it?
Guest:Yeah, right?
Guest:That's it, you gotta love a woman like that.
Marc:Yeah, or be afraid a little bit.
Guest:Hey, she drew tears when we buried the dog, man.
Guest:What happened?
Guest:So we're going cross country, dog's old, right?
Guest:And you may notice too with the dog, you know when their asses start to stink, they get the glands up their asses, they get these glands.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:And, you know, back in New York City, it would smell so bad, we'd take it to the vet, and the vet would put gloves on.
Guest:She'd hate when she'd have to do this.
Guest:The vet would.
Guest:Of course, the dog would, too.
Guest:And we'd all have to hold the dog, and the vet would put her fingers up there and squeeze.
Guest:You squeeze them.
Guest:You gently squeeze them, and they drain out.
Guest:uh and it stinks so bad man and the and the vet has the mask on it's just so gross right yeah but it relieves the dog and the dog's ass doesn't smell anymore and it doesn't because it'll leak it'll be on the couch and it'll leak so we're going in the jeep and it's summertime and the dog has has this problem and it's leaking and it's stinking up the jeep to high heaven
Guest:And we're in, what's the place in Arizona?
Guest:Sedona, right?
Guest:The nice Red Rocks.
Guest:We ended up in a nice place.
Guest:We lucked out on overlooking the rocks and stuff with a little outdoor area.
Guest:And we're like, we got to do something about this.
Guest:And we're like, we're not going to call a vet to come out here to drain the dogs' things.
Guest:I go, can't we do it?
Guest:We went online to Google it, right?
Guest:And my wife goes, it seems that you just put your fingers up there, the two inner fingers and the two outer ones are on the body and you just massage them and it leaks.
Guest:And I go, well, that's how the vet does it too.
Guest:I see it and stuff.
Guest:So she's like, all right, I'll do it, right?
Guest:So she takes two plastic bags from, you know, when you have ice buckets and they give you the little plastic bag for the ice?
Guest:She takes two of those and we have chapstick.
Guest:So she rubs it on the fingers to get some lube going.
Guest:I take a belt and put it around the dog's
Guest:you know you know it's an english caucus it's got a nice long snout and i hold that in place and she sticks her fingers up and she's draining man she's doing it i'm like yeah anything and she's like nothing yet nothing and i'm like come on come on she's like guy i have my fingers up the dog's ass can you i mean give me a break guy i'm trying and i go well come on i can't hold it much longer and the dogs and finally she squeezed she goes oh i got it oh my god oh my god there's so much oh there's so much
Guest:And we drain that shit out, Marin.
Guest:And, you know, back in the city, every time we do that, that's like 225.
Guest:So anyone with a dog out there, if you can stomach it, man, just lay down some paper towel and do it.
Guest:The road.
Guest:You learn so much from the road, man.
Guest:Now I know why Willie Nelson's so wise.
Guest:Right, bro?
Guest:Yeah, right.
Guest:He knows everything.
Guest:And the dog survived it?
Guest:Yeah, the dog survived it.
Guest:I mean, if it could talk, I would have said, thank you.
Guest:And do you have a cigarette?
Guest:I mean, come on.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:That's an amazing couple moment.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, it really was.
Guest:I mean, talk about teamwork, man.
Guest:That was something else, man.
Guest:I mean, talk about being able to go to the GM in a room going, hey, well, we did something in that room that no one ever did before.
Guest:Well, we've had honeymooners.
Guest:No, guy, you don't even know.
Guest:You don't even know.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So that was a bonding moment.
Marc:So I thought you were going to tell me the dog died there.
Guest:No, no way.
Guest:No, the dog died back in upstate New York, and we buried it illegally in the backyard at night.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Someone gonna get on you for that?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:The neighbor might.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:So we did it.
Marc:Did you put it down or it just died?
Guest:No, we went and we had it put down.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, the guy gives you, you know, you put the dog back in a, it was a big box from the supermarket that had a lot of bounty paper towels, you know, and you get them all shipped at once.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:It's just such a sad ending, right, man?
Guest:That's killing me.
Guest:And then you bring it back with its favorite blanket, and we put it in the backyard and light a candle.
Guest:I said, we light a candle every Christmas Eve and have a couple drinks and sing a few carols by the grave.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So my old man, we're at dinner once, he goes, oh, when I die, you're going to come to my grave?
Guest:I go, if you're buried behind my garage, yeah.
Guest:Let's not forget the convenience factor going on here, guy.
Guest:So, yeah, that's Zach.
Guest:God bless Ruby, my dog.
Guest:You stayed out here for seven months?
Guest:About seven months.
Guest:What, were you out here on a deal?
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:I just, once it didn't happen with having a kid, my wife, I'm on the road so much.
Guest:She likes California.
Guest:She always wanted to come out here, and she's like...
Guest:Let's sell our apartment.
Guest:We had a nice pad in Manhattan.
Marc:Oh, that's right.
Guest:You made some money on it, though.
Guest:You're doing the radio and stuff.
Guest:No, not selling it.
Guest:No, I didn't.
Guest:But it was also like... I mean, it was tough to keep up the monthly nut on that thing.
Marc:Let's talk about ultimately what happened because I left New York before you really started to get your legs, I think, a little bit.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You really seemed like sometimes you'd be there and sometimes you wouldn't.
Guest:I mean, you were also...
Guest:You'd have various hairdos.
Guest:Very few men have drastic different hairdos from time to time.
Marc:It was a mistake.
Marc:It was a mistake.
Marc:You got to commit to a hairdo.
Guest:I mean, John May, I didn't even know, but I used to say, like, no, I'm like, dude, you're like the Mark Maron of musicians, man.
Guest:Just trying to find, find it, find it all three years.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I finally leveled off on the little goatee and shit, but I'm growing this out now, not because of fashion, but I'm going to shoot another season of my show.
Marc:Which is great, dude.
Marc:Thanks, buddy.
Marc:And I need to, like, there's a reason that I got to look disheveled, so I'm going to let this go as long as I can handle it.
Guest:No, when I saw you in Montreal a few years back, it was like, wow, he is like,
Guest:just there where he was supposed to be.
Guest:You were so in your own skin.
Guest:And I wasn't there the year that you gave the commencement speech, but somebody told me where to get it transcribed.
Guest:And man, I can't tell you.
Guest:I felt like you were talking to me.
Guest:I mean, right up to the waffle, knowing if I get up, I can go get the waffle right now.
Guest:And just this whole feeling of knowing
Guest:I'm in this dumpy hotel in the middle of nowhere, and I'm really, really good at what I do, and it's like crazy that no one's seen this yet, man, you know?
Marc:It's heartbreaking.
Marc:Yeah, that was tough, that speech.
Marc:She's like choked up, and like, you know, everyone in the industry's there, and I'm like about to cry, and I had to turn around and pull my shit together.
Marc:Don't cry.
Marc:You can cry, but not too much.
Guest:Man!
Guest:But that was a real comic speech, man.
Marc:That's what I did it for.
Guest:You gotta be a comic to understand that.
Marc:Yeah, that's who I wrote it for.
Marc:I'm very grateful to the comedy community in some weird way because it's weird.
Marc:As far out as I got and however hostile I became or whatever other people thought of me,
Marc:I don't think I was that horrible to people.
Marc:I just had personality problems.
Marc:But when it got dark and everything fucking was closing in on me and I was able to turn it around by some fucking miracle of cosmic timing and persistence, that's my community.
Marc:There's nobody else.
Marc:It's not the Jews.
Marc:I don't have this circle of friends.
Marc:It's all the fucking gypsies and weirdos that we spend our life with.
Marc:So I'm like, I owe it to them.
Marc:I mean, that's why I did the podcast at the beginning.
Marc:I'm like, because the great thing about doing it was like, I talked to guys we know.
Marc:At the beginning, it was all comics.
Marc:And then I kind of ran out of people I knew, though.
Marc:But it was sort of like the greatest thing that people said was,
Marc:you know, comics would come up to me and like, yeah, I hadn't heard from that guy in a while.
Marc:It was good to hear from him.
Marc:I didn't know what he was up to.
Marc:So it was almost like this weird service I was providing for people, you know, in young comics who never heard a Tell talk for a minute.
Marc:I'd known a Tell for 20 years.
Marc:I'd never talked to him for more than three minutes.
Marc:Have you ever talked to him for more?
Marc:Well, you drink.
Marc:You might have talked to him for more than three minutes, but with me, I consider him a pretty close friend, but it's always like, what?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then it's like, all right, good to see you, Dave.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And when I talked to him for an hour, I was like, oh my God.
Marc:I just talked to him for an hour in the daytime.
Marc:My God, man.
Marc:What was that like?
Marc:It was a huge, like for me, it was a huge deal.
Marc:I have these weird moments where I'm like, this is insane.
Guest:You don't know.
Guest:Nobody knows anything about him, man.
Guest:It's like, you know, even from his act, you don't know.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I mean, one time me and another comedian drank with him for a couple of hours and then he left.
Guest:And I remember I forget who was with me, but the other comic looks at me and goes, do you believe we just drank out drank a tell?
Guest:And I go, what are you kidding me?
Guest:It's just time for Dave to drink alone.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:He's had enough.
Guest:Yeah, he cannot hold off with the social skills for me and you any longer, man.
Guest:And that was the longest again.
Guest:I mean, you and him were the kind of guys in Colin where I would, you guys could get in my head.
Guest:Like, I go home, I tell my wife, I mean, what do you think they meant by that?
Guest:What do you think that?
Guest:Just really, you know, or Tel would call up and say, hey, do you do a bit like this?
Guest:And he knows you don't.
Guest:And he knows I didn't.
Guest:And even if I did, you give a shit if Pete Correale is six years in.
Marc:I love those calls.
Marc:That means he likes you.
Marc:That's the way I say, hi, how you in bed?
Marc:Exactly.
Guest:oh man but like i i yeah i guess i was in and out and then you were you're doing spots at the cellar but what's what happened for you how did it turn out well i was always nose nose to the grindstone man i was always you know i passed the cellar early on and uh i was never the kind of guy that like self-promote or anything i would just write the bits work on the craft and then i remember about i don't know a
Guest:10 years in or so, my manager at the time was like, she goes, you know, what about doing a half hour for Comedy Central?
Guest:And I said, what about doing an hour?
Guest:I think I can do an hour.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So I went to a club.
Marc:15 years in.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But never having done a half hour or anything.
Guest:And I had done like a Tonight Show or Letterman and I handed it in and I got an hour.
Guest:So I did that.
Guest:And, you know, well-received, but, you know, got me in the clubs.
Guest:And just, you know, then that whole nother level of eight, nine years of grinding at these clubs, just playing them all.
Guest:Like, you know, so much of why you were speaking to me in that speech.
Guest:Just funny bone here and this one there.
Guest:And just like... It's nice that they worked here.
Marc:Like, I had a hard time even getting traction in those places.
Guest:Well, again, you, some of the other ones, I'd be in situations where I'm like, there's no way you could say this to Marin and he would not blow his fucking top.
Guest:How did...
Guest:I remember being in a club.
Guest:I don't want to name names, but I'm in Ohio.
Guest:And after the show, it's one of those places where they drive you back at least to the hotel.
Guest:I only did one condo joint ever.
Guest:And I go in, and the guy's in his office.
Guest:And the guy who picked me up was a guy named Matt.
Guest:So I go to the guy running the club.
Guest:I go, hey, is Matt here?
Guest:And he goes, no, Matt's done for the day, Pete.
Guest:He went home.
Guest:He's done for the night.
Guest:And I go, oh, I'm just...
Guest:I'm just looking for a ride back to the hotel now.
Guest:And he's like, right, okay.
Guest:And when we have a moment and we're done, we'll give you a ride back to the hotel.
Guest:I'm like, I'm just another cog.
Guest:I'm just another cog in the machine.
Guest:There's no, you're a little above anything because you're the comic here.
Guest:And I was headlining and he was mad at me.
Guest:So I'm sitting there like a yo-yo leaning against the wall, just waiting for a ride.
Guest:And then people that were lingering around to have a drink, they're like,
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I don't even think the comedian, I think he wants to go home.
Guest:I remember one of them going, you need a ride.
Guest:I'm like, no, no, I'm good.
Guest:I'm good.
Guest:I'm good.
Guest:So, you know, and again, I mean, I'm like, I would be in moments like that.
Guest:And I even tell my wife when something like that would happen, I'm like, you just can't tell me.
Guest:Guys like Marin is one, DiPaolo is another.
Guest:There's no way they're going to go, okay, I'll stand over here.
Guest:So, I'm like, I wonder how before, you know, you really hit, how you compensate sometimes for the-
Marc:Well, my thing was is that I never quite understood that it was a business.
Marc:I never understood when you were playing a club that the idea was you'd like to come back.
Marc:I'm like, I'm going to do what I'm going to do, and we'll see what happens.
Marc:I was never that diplomatic.
Marc:I was never that pleasant until later, and I started to realize, oh, the idea is you build a little following, and you make
Marc:make them want to have you back.
Marc:It wasn't even a prima donna thing.
Marc:I just was very kind of aggravated and entitled by it.
Marc:And then you'd have to deal with club owners that want to hang out.
Marc:I don't know what's worse, the guy who's trying to put you in your place or the guy that's sort of like, we're going to the club.
Marc:And I'm like, oh, I don't know if I can talk to you that long.
Guest:And you know you have to go because you're not in enough to say, no, I don't want to go.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I just thought, well, when I did drugs and shit, that was easier because at least you could drink and stuff.
Marc:But I've never been a guy that just has a casual conversation with the club owner.
Marc:And I remember one time.
Yeah.
Marc:one time like it was weird because like i never really quite put it into perspective you know like uh i was in uh well everyone's dead now so i guess i could talk about i was in tempe or yeah yeah improv back when dan murr was running the place and i was working with headberg and murr wanted to go out and drink and i just thought like oh let's go out and drink and you know i'm trying to get headberg out of his room and he's not answering we're pounding
Marc:And he's like, what?
Marc:So you want to go hang out with the manager of the club?
Marc:That's what Hedberg said?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I'm like, no, I never thought about it that way.
Marc:Yeah, I guess I don't really.
Marc:But I ended up going.
Marc:He didn't go.
Marc:And I felt like such a fucking heel.
Marc:Fuck it.
Marc:Like he implied that I was kissing his ass, but I just wanted to drink.
Guest:But they just, it's just the numbers.
Guest:That's all.
Guest:And if it's just the numbers and if it's just who's drawing and who's not, then aren't you kind of just a rental hall, man?
Guest:Come on.
Guest:There's got to.
Marc:Well, that's it.
Marc:But that's what Hawkins said to me.
Marc:He said, we're in the drink selling business.
Marc:It's not, you know, that's what we're doing.
Marc:We work in the restaurant business.
Marc:and i never quite put that together but when he told me on this show it's like we we're working the restaurant and bar business yeah it's a bar and restaurant business i'm like really no it's not it's no that's what it is yeah it's about us first and foremost isn't it no no it's a horrible lesson to learn because i never thought of myself as an entertainer i never was like you know i'm gonna entertain these people i'm like no i'm gonna drag them through something yeah and hopefully we all get through it all right
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, that's true, man.
Guest:I mean, yeah, you're never the kind of one going, ooh, was that the boat shake right there?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:You're not doing no cruise act up there, man.
Marc:But I never, like, fortunately, I never made, there was no way I could make myself available for that, even if I wanted to, even if I tried to do a boat.
Guest:No way, man.
Marc:So, all right, so you kind of hammered out, you do the hour.
Guest:Yeah, you know, hit the road.
Guest:I don't know, man, always kind of under the radar.
Guest:I've had a few of the various sitcom opportunities, you know,
Guest:Last year I got to a point where I sold, we wrote a sitcom script for CBS, but here's a doozy, man.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I moved upstate a couple of years ago and just, you know, trying every day.
Guest:You bought the house?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:Oh, great.
Guest:It's upstate New York.
Guest:I mean, to give you an example, it's an old Victorian and I do love it.
Guest:That's great.
Guest:But this is so funny.
Guest:Like my father-in-law is retired.
Guest:He worked in a steel plant.
Guest:He's retired.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He's got the gold watch, all that stuff, hardworking man.
Guest:And my dad did well, but, you know, white collar much more.
Guest:So my dad and my father-in-law and a few of us are standing at the foot of my driveway.
Guest:I bought the house now.
Guest:I'm having people.
Guest:My dad's got a glass of wine.
Guest:It's a big old Victorian.
Guest:And next to my house is a nice house, but significantly smaller.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So we're all chatting.
Guest:And somebody, I think it was my father, but somebody goes, oh, I see that house is for sale.
Guest:The one next to you, how much is that going for?
Guest:And I think it was going for like literally like $120,000.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And my wife goes, oh, $120,000.
Guest:And my father goes, Jesus Christ, I'll take two.
Yeah.
Guest:Right?
Guest:So then when I pull him aside, I go, Dad, what are you doing?
Guest:He goes, I'm sorry.
Guest:I just, holy shit.
Guest:I mean, are you kidding me?
Guest:Right here with a price.
Guest:So I mean, to put it in perspective about my, I mean, a parking ticket where I live is $7 on Main Street.
Guest:$7?
Guest:What are we doing?
Guest:This is Main Street.
Guest:How far is it from the city?
Guest:Seven and a half hours.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Dude, I had to get that far away, you know, starting to see some, you know, just a lot going on in the city.
Guest:I was losing my creative vibe.
Guest:I got all I could out of playing those clubs.
Guest:Yeah, you get tired with drinking too much probably.
Guest:Well, no, just, you know, flavored a month.
Guest:It's the cafeteria popularity.
Guest:This one's this and this one's that.
Guest:And like I would come home and it would mess with my creativity.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Because you started judging yourself against... Bullshit, yeah.
Guest:Outside things.
Guest:I needed to get away from all that.
Guest:My wife wanted out of the city anyway, and I was on the road so much.
Marc:But it's hard not to feel like a small town after a certain point.
Marc:And if you're just a guy sitting at the table and you're feeling like it's passing you by because your own insecurities are fucking with your head.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:You got to get away.
Marc:When I left New York, I'm like, thank fucking God.
Marc:Because people are like, why don't you live there?
Marc:I'm like, there's nothing to do there.
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, there's really not.
Marc:I mean, what are you going to do there?
Marc:I mean, there's the two clubs.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then you don't even know if she's going to give you spots on a Saturday.
Guest:Yeah, no, you know, you know, that freaks you out.
Guest:And then when I wouldn't get spots, I'd walk by and look at the board and see who's there.
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:No, it would luckily be like you, Geraldo DiPaolo.
Guest:I'd be like, okay, okay, I'm cool.
Guest:They're all in town.
Guest:What are you going to do?
Guest:What are you going to do?
Guest:So what was the first special?
Guest:uh you know it was about my life at the time you know yeah that's because yeah when i start playing the cell even if i had a new bit about the topical stuff there's too many guys doing that stuff better than i ever was and more more committed to it too i quit doing that shit yeah you got to talk about yourself just stick to your life and then like you know you go out on the road and you're able to sort of break new shit out there i guess huh
Guest:Yeah, yeah, and that would freak me out at first, too, because, like, living in a small town, I would, like, for the first, like, literally six months, my wife would catch me going online, checking the lineup at the Comedy Cellar.
Guest:I'm living seven and a half hours away, and I'm like, they're all getting better.
Guest:They're all fucking getting better.
Guest:Oh, no.
Guest:What am I doing?
Guest:You know?
Guest:And I would go on the road and I would try a new bit and it wouldn't work.
Guest:And it was such a hassle to get 200 people back on your side where at the cellar you could go, hey, you didn't like that?
Guest:Don't worry.
Guest:Norton's up after me.
Guest:He'll get this puppy back on track.
Guest:I'm out of here.
Guest:I got to catch a movie.
Guest:So this is a whole different thing.
Guest:You got to wedge it in.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I asked Brewer for advice.
Guest:Certain guys in Brewer is like, when I want to get him back, I know I can just always do the goat noise and we re-level.
Guest:I saw Rob Schneider and he'll yell out, I'm winning, I'm winning, which is from one of his movies.
Guest:And it just resets.
Guest:i'm not famous enough i don't have a reset thing you know i can't do the noise or some shit yeah so i gotta go back into old shit just to get them back on your side right um yeah so plugging away doing that and you're able to do it i mean you fight through right yeah and then like you know but that's when things really actually started happening ironically what i get a call this is so nuts man from ryan seacrest productions yeah
Guest:I don't know how they found out about me, but they want to do a show about a comedian for A&E who doesn't live in LA, doesn't live in New York.
Guest:You know, you sound interesting.
Guest:Let's have a meeting, right?
Guest:So I take a meeting about where I live and all this stuff.
Guest:And at the time, my wife was pregnant and we were upstate and we were living upstairs.
Guest:We sold our apartment.
Guest:We were just temporarily living upstairs from my in-laws.
Guest:They have a big house with a separate apartment.
Marc:Oh, so you live close to them?
Guest:Yeah, that's why I moved there.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Guest:Yeah, my wife wanted to be near them.
Guest:So we're living upstairs from them.
Guest:Just till the kid was born, then we're going to decide if we want to stay there.
Guest:So they want to do a reality show about me living there.
Guest:And the pilot will be, I'm with my in-laws, and will I stay or will I go?
Guest:Right.
Guest:So my in-laws are like 78, right?
Guest:And I go up to them, and I'm like, listen, I need everyone to wrap their heads around that you're going to be in a reality show for Ryan Seacrest.
Guest:You're not even going to ask him, you're just going to tell him.
Guest:Yeah, all my wife's like, I don't know if they want to do it.
Guest:I'm like, Jack, nobody...
Guest:There's no more choices here, right?
Guest:I'm in my late to early 40s.
Guest:This is go time.
Guest:You jump.
Guest:Everybody's jumping.
Guest:Wrap your head around it, right?
Guest:So now they're going to do a big Skype thing to see if we're going to do this, right?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:So I have a Skype party with all the possible people that might be in it.
Guest:And we're all upstairs.
Guest:And one by one, they come down.
Guest:They do a Skype interview with the A&E people.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then some make the cut.
Guest:We like your friend Jeremy.
Guest:Oh, we don't like this one.
Guest:So then they're going to come.
Guest:They come out with a crew of like 11.
Guest:And it's so crazy.
Guest:You've got to sign these contracts.
Guest:Like my father-in-law being 70, he's a big deer hunter.
Guest:And he's got all these.
Guest:He's made a deer chandelier out of all deer antlers.
Guest:They make him sign a contract saying that if the show goes and he decides to make deer antlers chandeliers and sell them, that they get 25% of all sales of deer antlers chandeliers.
Guest:The guy's fucking 78 years old.
Guest:He's not making deer antlers chandeliers.
Guest:What are we even doing?
Guest:So it was not the way I'd want to make it, but I was resolved to have it be that way if it had to be.
Guest:but then it was just so contrived like they're gonna i'm gonna go hunting with my this was the pilot i'm gonna go hunting with my father-in-law and in-law i shoot the gun and they don't think i'm safe with the gun so they give me a bow and arrow and i'm walking through the woods with a bow and arrow it's like it's so duck dynasty bullshit did you do it i mean i filmed it uh it didn't go anywhere i mean i have the pilot but you know of you with the bow
Guest:Yeah, it was so embarrassing, man.
Guest:There's a little local parade, a Memorial Day parade, and we go and we pretend we all watch it.
Guest:And the guy will be on camera, the director off in the distance on a mic going, my friend Jeremy's behind me.
Guest:He goes, ask Jeremy if he likes the parade.
Guest:Ask him if he came when he was a kid.
Guest:And I look up, Jeremy, did you used to come to this when you were a kid?
Guest:He's like, yeah, sometimes.
Guest:I mean, I drink beer and smoke pot with Jeremy.
Guest:I don't go to the Memorial Day parade with him.
Guest:This is so gay.
Marc:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:It's so ridiculous.
Marc:But there's things in your life, though.
Marc:Oh, God, you do.
Marc:I'll do anything, right?
Marc:Well, no, I did a fucking... I hosted a game show.
Marc:After the first divorce, before Misha, the first marriage, I had nothing.
Marc:I'm bankrupt, and VH1 wants to do this remake of a game show that's in England, that Nevermind the Buzzcocks thing.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:And I got to be honest with you, I had no choice, man.
Marc:I needed the money.
Marc:It was like 75K for all 13 of them, whatever.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:It was going to pay out.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I tell you right now, I couldn't explain the rules of that fucking show right now if you ask me.
Marc:I was up there.
Marc:I didn't give a shit about any of it.
Marc:They thought my attitude was right.
Marc:There was no money involved.
Marc:It was just like an improv game.
Marc:It was just a joke game show.
Marc:There were no stakes.
Marc:And I had no idea what the fucking rules were or what the point was.
Marc:I'm like, where are the cards?
Marc:There's Coolio.
Marc:He's one of the guests.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:you know and it was crazy i got physically ill during the shooting i got diarrhea that i almost died from i think like and i think it was all mental because i couldn't live with the idea of it that's decent money man that's it i but you know the beauty of it was what is that i it was it was it didn't it didn't go anywhere i don't even think they showed most of them so i got paid out and i got a few nice suits and and i made the money and i get and i was able to get out of the divorce with a little bit of savings
Marc:But man, when I was in New York during that first marriage, dude, I thought I was finished.
Marc:Because you know what else I was doing?
Marc:I was doing segments for the Metro Channel.
Marc:That was a local New York channel.
Marc:It wasn't even like a big channel.
Marc:It was a local New York cable channel.
Marc:And I'm doing these segments where it was my idea.
Marc:I'd take a desk onto the street and neighborhoods.
Marc:And I'd interview people from the neighborhood like a talk show on the street.
Marc:And I did a shitload of them for another, I don't know, 20K or whatever.
Marc:But then I'm laying there.
Marc:I'm still doing coke.
Marc:I'm in a marriage.
Marc:It stinks because I don't want to be in it.
Marc:I'm just waiting to die in my bed.
Marc:But my brain was like, maybe if I could get my own show on the Metro channel, you know, I can make this shit work.
Marc:I wanted to die.
Marc:I wanted to fucking die.
Marc:oh man the things you convince yourself could maybe this could be the thing man well but but it's worse is like i guess this is the thing oh you know like yeah like you know well i mean like you don't really want it but you somehow in your brain you're like i'll make a fucking living what else am i gonna do yeah well yeah right so you're like so like maybe maybe i can live with this oh
Marc:like it's not like i never thought like this is the thing it's sort of like i guess this is who i am i guess this is what i gotta do this is the level of my talent yeah because i'm gonna you know walk around new york with a microphone going how you doing that fucking idiot well it's also funny they actually thought the show would have legs man you're like
Guest:I mean, but that's like I was around three guys once that were all warm-up backs for various.
Guest:One did Rachel Ray.
Guest:One did Martha Stewart.
Marc:But those guys get coverage.
Guest:They get union.
Guest:That was it.
Guest:One of them said, because one time Martha Stewart bought me a boat, and the other two are like, wow.
Guest:And then the other one goes, well, so-and-so got me this.
Guest:And then the third one goes, Rachel Ray gives me medical benefits.
Guest:And the other two guys go, fuck the boat.
Guest:You get medical?
Guest:Holy shit.
Guest:Like with medical, that would be the job.
Guest:Isn't it amazing sometimes how a comic accomplishes something that they're so happy and excited to have accomplished where you're like, I would really kill myself if after all these years that's all I accomplished.
Guest:But I'm almost jealous of you for being happy about that being enough because that is not enough for me, man.
Marc:I mean, I definitely relate to that because, you know, I was staring down the barrel of the tunnel of total darkness, you know, after the second divorce.
Marc:And I'm like, what the fuck?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What?
Marc:And like, I've been there so many fucking times in my life.
Marc:And then like, you know, like the only thing that saves you is a new bit sometimes.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like, you know what I mean?
Marc:It's like, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.
Marc:And then you get that new seven minutes.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:All right.
Marc:This is working.
Guest:But then, dude, the thing about the president is, because you're the kind of guy that would even dissect it to the point where people have performed at the White House.
Guest:You're taking it to a whole new history level.
Guest:The president came to you.
Guest:I know.
Guest:I mean, that's it.
Guest:Checkmate, baby.
Guest:Unless Billy Burr gets the Pope, you win.
Guest:I mean, right?
Guest:Joe Rogan gets the Pope.
Guest:That's it.
Guest:Otherwise, that's it, man.
Guest:I mean, I need to.
Guest:Did he use your bathroom, by the way?
Marc:No, but he left the cup.
Marc:It's right here.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:I'll tell you the one great thing, and I appreciate my success, and I like that it was on my own terms, and I'm grateful, and I like what I'm doing.
Marc:Oh, here we go.
Marc:Let's see some old Marin now, baby.
Marc:I came for this.
Marc:It's just that, like, you know, I don't fucking have to do it.
Marc:I know, right, dude?
Marc:I'm just starting to appreciate that.
Marc:It's like, no, I'm not going to play any improv.
Marc:You know why?
Marc:Because they didn't give me fucking nothing ever.
Marc:Why do I want to sell drinks for them?
Marc:I don't need to do it.
Marc:I'm all right.
Marc:And now because the media landscape is so fucking fragmented, they don't know what they're doing.
Marc:No one knows what they're doing.
Marc:I know exactly what I'm doing.
Marc:You know who my boss is?
Marc:Fucking me.
Marc:That's it, man.
Marc:That's it.
Marc:That's the dream.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's why when my dad was going to become a partner, he was nervous about doing it.
Guest:He always says my mom is like, he's like, should I do it?
Guest:It's risky.
Guest:And my mother goes, to be your own boss?
Guest:Are you crazy?
Guest:Of course you should do it.
Guest:And, you know, it's good to know, you know, I'm not saying the improvs, but the idea of like, you know, we all as comedians have these things that like, if I ever make it F this thing or F that person, you know, but I'm always afraid if I ever really make it like have some kind of crazy level of success that I'm going to be so happy, I'm going to forget my anger towards certain people.
Guest:That's not bad.
Guest:Well, no.
Guest:Actually, I'm inspired to know that you still hold on to some of it because you ain't doing any improvs.
Guest:Well, it's just weird because- I want to hold on to it.
Marc:I don't want to lose it.
Guest:Some people deserve it.
Marc:Well, it's just a respect thing.
Marc:There's this idea that you eat all this shit for all this time.
Marc:Mm-hmm.
Marc:And then it's like, you know, I'm not Louie, I'm not a huge star, but I found my own little world here, you know, and I got my audience, I got my niche.
Marc:But then there are these people that like really didn't help and really, you know, were not very nice and they didn't treat you well and they didn't treat other comics well.
Marc:And, you know, then all of a sudden, you know, they're like, well, you ready now?
Marc:I'm like, no.
Marc:Why would I do that?
Marc:I mean, it's just a self-respect thing.
Marc:And there's not many of those, but there's a few, because I love doing comedy clubs, and there's some people that run great clubs.
Marc:I like independent clubs.
Marc:I just did the first small theater thing recently, and that was good, but I still like going.
Marc:I'll work for Helium.
Marc:I'll work for Comedy Works in Denver, and there's other clubs that I like that I'd like to go back to, but they're just like...
Marc:there's some people in this business where you're like, I don't fucking, why would I do that?
Marc:Because you just work the numbers in your head.
Marc:Like maybe 10 years ago, if I had that opportunity, you'd be like, oh, I'm fucking doing it.
Marc:But now it's sort of like, I don't need to do it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:But I mean, have you ever taken it to the level without saying any names or anything where I aspire to do that, but to say, you know what, have that person call me directly.
Guest:And then when they get on, just go, just wanted to get you on the line to personally say, go fuck yourself.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:Or do you just do it secondhand and leave it at that, right?
Marc:Well, I mean, I think I've said it on here, but it just becomes this weird, you know, there's a little more freedom now to, you know, sort of like, because it doesn't seem like any of them really know what they're doing.
Marc:Some guys, you know, that we know and we love, you know, for whatever reason, who the hell knows in any, you know, given profession or at any given moment, they're just fucking huge and they own the world and they make a lot of people a lot of money.
Marc:I feel like I earn an honest living.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Guest:More than that, dude.
Marc:Yeah, but it's like if someone's offering me too much money for something, I'm like, yeah, maybe knock a little off of that because I don't know.
Marc:No, no, no.
Guest:You got to get it for the back end when you didn't get it back in the day when you deserved it.
Guest:It's like when you're doing 65 because there's a cop next to you.
Guest:Once he gets off, you're going to do 85 to make up for the 75 you couldn't do.
Marc:I'll think about it that way.
Marc:Yeah, man.
Marc:It's for the back pay.
Marc:But you came out here.
Marc:You had a deal for a while, right?
Marc:You did something.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Well, no, I had various levels where I've never sold until last year.
Guest:Finally, I had another showrunner and a great team, and I pitched to all the networks as I've done in the past.
Guest:And I got to tell you, man, I remember pitching to CBS back in the day where like-
Guest:must be great in the room though they must love you you must be one of those guys right this guy's fucking great and you leave and you're like so what happens now where's my i i i you know i like to think i kind of got to that point because years ago i'd be very nervous and stuff but i i left the room in cbs yeah and i mean because i even came in to start it out with uh
Guest:They were building a construction site next door.
Guest:I go, what's going on over there?
Guest:And they go, oh, building another garage.
Guest:And I turn around to the head guy.
Guest:I go, another garage.
Guest:How many pitches are you here in a day that you need another seven-story fucking garage in this place?
Guest:I go, holy shit.
Guest:Let's just toss a coin, see where it lands.
Guest:Something like, let's just spin the wheel, see where it lands.
Guest:And the idea was being like, does it matter what I say right now?
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then we went into it, and I had this great pitch.
Guest:And the point is, I get on the phone with my wife afterwards, and I said, listen, I go, I'm always honest with you, baby, how things go and stuff.
Guest:I go, if they don't buy this, then I don't get this.
Guest:I don't know what.
Guest:I need to know what they're buying.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because everybody was dying about.
Guest:So they did.
Guest:And then we wrote it, and then it didn't go.
Guest:And listen, that part of the story, why are we even talking about that?
Guest:I may as well tell you how close I came on a lotto ticket last week.
Marc:No, no, but it's just part of the fucking business.
Marc:But then you were you working with Brewer for years, right?
Guest:Doing the radio show.
Guest:That was a lot of fun.
Guest:You know, the thing with that is I busted my balls and I love doing that.
Guest:And I thought they would give me a show when we would stop doing ours.
Guest:And they didn't.
Guest:And I was so ticked at them.
Guest:I mean, Jim, nothing.
Guest:He was great.
Guest:He was what an opportunity and stuff.
Guest:But I was really take that serious because I laid it all on the line for that.
Guest:So then, you know, I was making good money and I, you know, was able to work out of the city and grow and make my first special that way.
Guest:But, you know, then I had to when that radio show ended, I'm hitting the road playing clubs that guys have been playing now for four or five years.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And I'm just starting to build that relationship.
Yeah.
Marc:You got a little draw out there?
Guest:Some places.
Guest:Florida is real good to me because they're all New York kind of people.
Marc:That's weird because that's the one place where I'm like, I can't go down there.
Guest:Well, it's so ironic.
Guest:I don't want to be there, but there's people that like me there.
Marc:I don't even know how to draw an audience there.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Yeah, because I'm like an alien.
Marc:I think most of the kids that would like me, they're like, we got to get out of Florida.
Marc:We can't stay.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's just like I did the hard rock once and it was just like, oh my God, what happened here?
Marc:Yeah, but what's it like for you now?
Marc:That was the last improv I played.
Guest:But it doesn't matter because the beauty of you, the dream is like you can just go down the hill and stay in town and only go for an expensive gig if you want.
Guest:But what's it like when you can actually walk into a club and you're bumping people your necks?
Marc:Yeah, I don't do it.
Guest:I mean, you got to do it like maybe not the first guy, but I'm not waiting all night here.
Marc:No, I'm not really that guy, and I never feel like that guy.
Marc:Like, if I go to the comedy store, I put in my veils, you know, and I do my spots.
Marc:And if I'm going to come in, if I need to run six minutes, I'll call.
Marc:Like, you know, even if I go to New York, I don't even know who to call.
Marc:I always fuck up the days I got to put in my veils at the cellar.
Marc:It was only like a month ago I said to know him.
Marc:I'm like, you know, I never know what the days are.
Marc:Like, I always fuck up, and I never know sometimes.
Marc:Come on.
Marc:Yeah, dude.
Marc:But I still feel weird because you know why?
Marc:Because no matter who the fuck it was that did that when I was waiting to go on, it bothered me.
Marc:Oh, of course.
Marc:It was part of it, man.
Guest:It bothered all of us.
Guest:But I didn't, so I don't do it.
Guest:Sometimes I felt like, you know, guys, they'd be hanging out at the cellar and then they'd want to go on right before me.
Guest:I'm like, I swear I feel like that motherfucker waited until it was my turn.
Marc:And I know he didn't, but I felt... I'll go up and tell him.
Marc:If I see Chris Rock, I'm like, can you just wait?
Marc:Oh, man.
Marc:I'm going on next.
Marc:Can I just wait?
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Or if I see Chappelle come, I'm like, what's he going on?
Marc:Because I'm going to go fucking home.
Guest:Well, come on.
Guest:But what about the flip side?
Guest:Because even now when you go, when I walk down the street, there'll be three guys.
Guest:One of them will be like Mark Maron.
Guest:The other two.
Guest:And I'm fine with that.
Guest:And you're not.
Guest:Because if you were, you wouldn't have brought it up.
Guest:And that's cool.
Guest:No, no, I am.
Marc:Because I know that's where it is.
Guest:You still need that a little.
Guest:Don't you need that a little?
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:I like it.
Marc:I like it.
Marc:But I don't know if I'm ever going to get those guys.
Marc:And I'm happy that there are people that get me.
Marc:Yeah, of course.
Marc:Quite a few, honestly.
Marc:But the thing is, and I always knew it wasn't going to be a lot because just from what you were saying, it's like whatever the hell I was doing when I was a kid, it's roughly the same thing.
Marc:And so it was always sort of a fight.
Marc:But in some part of me, I said, there's got to be people like me.
Marc:And I think that ultimately because of the podcast, it wasn't necessarily comedy people.
Marc:Like I would get people coming to my shows who listen to the podcast.
Marc:They're sort of like, we should go support Mark.
Marc:I've never been to a club before.
Marc:Why?
Marc:So it was this whole new thing.
Marc:I don't think a lot of them are like, we're going to go to comedy every week.
Marc:They're people that know me from the thing.
Guest:The other thing I was going to say, though, is honestly, when you're in a club and you're hanging out, let's say you're in the city, maybe you have a cup of coffee, you go in a club.
Guest:If they don't say, hey, you want to bop on?
Guest:Is there a party when you leave going, nobody's asking me?
Marc:No, I don't even expect to be asked.
Marc:I don't see it that way.
Guest:I would be.
Guest:Like what club?
Guest:Any club.
Guest:Any comedy club you walk into at some point, somebody who works there should come up and go, would you like to go on, Mark?
Marc:Marcos will do that over at Eastville.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:No, any club would do that with you.
Marc:Come on.
Marc:I guess maybe I don't do that enough.
Marc:Maybe I should go try it a little bit.
Marc:I imagine I could do that.
Marc:Maybe I don't think I really acknowledge what my place in the world is because I don't think to do that.
Marc:I think I didn't call in.
Guest:uh well either that or it's like you know you're almost like i always deserved a parking spot in front of the studio and now you have it and you don't even want it i just felt i deserved it that's all and that's a good place to be but i do have that like i like if someone asked me to come do something or you want and i'm like there's no place to park
Marc:why the fuck am I gonna, why am I doing this?
Marc:That happens, but it's more like that kind of shit.
Marc:There's nothing, I can't just get food here?
Marc:It's stupid shit.
Marc:But the sort of going on thing, yeah, that wasn't a big, I think the big payoff for me, and I don't know, just talking to you as a friend, was just, you know,
Marc:finally really enjoying doing it.
Marc:Like, I think, you know, I just had to do it for so long and I had to do it.
Marc:I just like, I'm going out every night, I'm going to do three sets.
Marc:And then at some point, like five years ago, I'm like, I can't wait to get out there.
Marc:That's great.
Marc:But that took 20 years.
Marc:And that's the payoff.
Marc:Like, you know, I'll go to a place where I'm working and I'll go look at the stage before the people come in.
Marc:Even sometimes when there's people in there, I'll go in the back of the room just to look at the room and feel how they're feeling.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:And like, I'm gonna get up there and do it.
Guest:I mean, they work hard all week.
Guest:They save up their money.
Guest:I mean, they're getting dressed up, talking about how they're going to see you.
Guest:That's it.
Marc:Yeah, now like I really think like, you know, now it's totally different because I'm like, I hope I do a good show for them.
Marc:Before it was like, oh fuck, what am I gonna do with these people?
Marc:Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Guest:Oh, that's you, man.
Marc:This is going to be a disaster.
Marc:I would just look at the room and be like, oh, fuck.
Marc:I'm fucked.
Marc:There's no way.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:The whole fucking time.
Guest:That's so great, though, that it came all the way back.
Guest:And again, that leads me back to the beginning of this whole thing and how, you know, it had to happen for you because then I could feasibly see it never happening for me.
Guest:But, like, because there were certain guys where I'm like, does it really, like, not happen for someone who's great?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:My dad told me the cream always rises to the top.
Guest:Eventually all that shit, you know, and finally, and when it did happen for you, boy, did it explode to the point where the presence here.
Guest:So, you know, it just, it just always gave me faith and I plug away, dude.
Guest:That's like my second special.
Guest:I'll never stop doing it.
Guest:And guys like you have always inspired me, man.
Marc:Well, thanks, man.
Marc:I think you're great.
Marc:And I'm, I'm, I'm happy we got to talk.
Guest:I'm ecstatic, bro.
Guest:This has been fantastic for me.
Guest:I got a flight home now.
Marc:When are you going home?
Marc:I got a 1010.
Marc:Oh, you're going now?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Oh, I love you, buddy.
Marc:Thanks for coming.
Guest:Are you kidding me?
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Can I just say I got a podcast, too?
Guest:A little thing with Sebastian.
Marc:Sure, of course.
Guest:It's called The Pete and Sebastian Show with Sebastian.
Marc:I like Sebastian so much.
Guest:I hope he knows that I like him.
Guest:Yeah, well, you had him on, man.
Guest:I mean, that speaks volumes.
Marc:I know, but he's another one of those guys that's sort of like, I don't know if we'd hang out day to day, but I always like watching him.
Marc:He's a real character, that guy.
Guest:Yeah, he's very funny.
Guest:And that's all that matters, man, right?
Guest:When it comes to comedy, wanting to watch the guy.
Marc:Because when people are like, what is this guy?
Marc:I'm like, just watch him.
Marc:He's got a way about him.
Marc:I don't know what it is, but he's really that guy.
Marc:You will laugh.
Marc:You will laugh.
Marc:Both of you.
Guest:Thank you, man.
Guest:Thanks, man.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:That was fun, right?
Marc:Pete Correale, again, his Showtime special, let me tell you.
Marc:Still on Showtime.
Marc:You can get it on Showtime On Demand.
Marc:Love that guy.
Marc:For those of you who are still here listening, I have a little treat for you.
Marc:There's a new batch of Brian Jones WTF mugs going on sale today starting at 12 noon Eastern, 9 a.m.
Marc:Pacific.
Marc:Go to BrianRJones.com.
Marc:Those are hard to come by.
Marc:Small batches, folks.
Marc:Artisanal.
Marc:Go to WTFPod.com for all your WTFPod needs.
Marc:What have I got today?
Marc:What's in that trono?
Marc:So I'm going through a... That's Earthquaker Devices Ghost Echo.
Marc:But I got this weird batch of stuff from Crystal Radio.
Marc:A handcrafted guitar pedal.
Marc:It was some sort of Kickstarter campaign.
Marc:I don't quite understand it all, but there was like coffee involved and there was a CD and stickers.
Marc:And this beautiful looking tremolo pedal.
Guest:It's got a little twang to it.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Boomer lives!