Episode 668 - Bill Burr / 2015 In Review
Guest:Lock the gates!
Marc:All right, let's do this.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:What the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fucking ears?
Marc:Happy New Year to you.
Marc:If you're listening to this Thursday, you got to get through tonight to make it to tomorrow, which would mean Happy New Year, the beginning.
Marc:So make it through tonight.
Marc:Those of you who are listening to this on Thursday, please drive carefully.
Marc:If you can, I don't want to be a buzzkill, but don't fucking go out at all.
Marc:How would that be?
Marc:If you're not alone and you have some people in your life and you love them and you have relatively easy access to getting over there or them coming to you before sundown, do that.
Marc:well maybe i am being a buzzkill do whatever you got to do go party stay up all night do a bunch of blow get all fucked up but god get a ride will you just get a ride or maybe just reflect a bit reflect a bit i do want to say a few words about the passing of lemmy kilmister lemmy was in on this show i don't know if it was his last interview and um
Marc:It was interesting for me to spend time with that guy because I know Motorhead.
Marc:I know the first couple records.
Marc:I listened to them.
Marc:But Lemmy has been a warrior, a rock and roll warrior and ever almost seemingly eternal presence and rock.
Marc:If you didn't know Lemmy, if you didn't know Motorhead, you knew Lemmy's face.
Marc:You knew those carbuncles on the side of his face.
Marc:You knew that mustache.
Marc:You knew the attitude that came through even a still image of that guy.
Marc:You knew he meant it.
Marc:You knew he meant business.
Marc:You knew he was the real fucking deal in a world where there aren't that many real deals.
Marc:So for me, it was an amazing treat and honor to talk to the guy.
Marc:I think we had a nice interview.
Marc:I knew he didn't look well.
Marc:I knew he didn't feel well.
Marc:But that doesn't make it any easier to lose a guy and to have to deal with that.
Marc:But as I said, Lemmy was fucking rock and roll.
Marc:Lemmy was the real fucking, he lived it.
Marc:And he lived it all the way to the end on his own terms with a lot of fuck you in him.
Marc:And that's what good rock and roll requires.
Marc:Just the right amount or even a little bit more than necessary of fuck you.
Marc:So Lemmy, you will be missed.
Marc:And I did want to give you a heads up.
Marc:There was some great Lemmy talk, a great Lemmy story on episode 656 of WTF with Robert Trujillo and Flea.
Marc:talking bass talking about lemmy uh lemmy the interview i did with him is still up and available uh that's episode 634 and i just if you didn't listen to it or you don't know who lemmy is or it's not necessarily important to you i i just want to share this clip with you it's a it's a clip of lenny and he's telling a joke and um
Marc:It's actually pretty touching hearing him tell it now, given that we've lost him.
Marc:And so enjoy this side of Lemmy.
Marc:All right.
Marc:And then go listen to Ace of Spades.
Marc:What's your favorite joke, Lemmy?
Guest:On the radio?
Marc:Yeah, no, we're free to say whatever the fuck we want.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Probably the best one I got was Jesus walking around heaven, you know, checking everybody out.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And everybody's blissful, fucking harps and halos and that.
Guest:And Jesus, little old fella sitting in a corner, crying his fucking eyes out, you know, miserable as fuck.
Guest:And he says, excuse me, he said, you're in heaven, you know what I mean?
Guest:He said, people go to church five times a week, every week of their lives to get up here.
Guest:He said, and you're here, you've made it.
Guest:So what's the matter?
Guest:The old guy says, well... He said, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause any trouble, he said, but... When I was on Earth, I was just a poor carpenter, you know, and we had nothing.
Guest:And we had this little boy, and I wanted him to follow me into the carpentry business, you know.
Guest:But then he said he had to go away on a mission and went off into the desert with 12 fellas.
Guest:And we never saw him again, he said...
Guest:And I was hoping, he said, that when I got up here, you know what I mean, I'd see him again, but I'd lose everywhere and I can't find him, and it was really cracking me up.
Guest:And Jesus with tears streaming down his face goes, Father, and the guy says, Pinocchio.
Yeah.
Marc:Rest in peace, Lemmy.
Marc:You left some good stuff.
Marc:Thanks for coming by this planet, this garage.
Marc:So now let's talk about New Year's.
Marc:New Year's.
Marc:The new year.
Marc:Again, fucking be careful, will you?
Marc:Could you please just be careful out there?
Marc:I don't know, man.
Marc:Do you really need to be somebody to count down?
Marc:How many times have you been in just a...
Marc:Just a room full of idiots.
Marc:I've said before, I think I say it every year.
Marc:How many times have you been in the car when the clock strikes 12?
Marc:Just like, oh, this party's fucking spent.
Marc:This party's done.
Marc:This party's over.
Marc:This party blows.
Marc:Let's just go.
Marc:Let's just get to that other place, man.
Marc:Let's get there before 12.
Marc:And there you are in the car along with a bunch of other idiots in cars trying to get to that right party.
Marc:honking your horn at new year's giving a hug to whoever's in the car giving him a kiss and then having a minute or two into the new year where where you got to be like that sucked kind of glad you guys are here glad you're here baby should we just get something to eat or what
Marc:What I do is I stay home.
Marc:That's what I do.
Marc:Maybe watch a few minutes of the ball dropping.
Marc:I never understood that ball drop.
Marc:I guess it happens to everybody.
Marc:That's a fucking horrible joke.
Marc:Happy New Year to you, though.
Marc:And look, why don't we do this?
Marc:Why don't we do this?
Marc:Try this, even if it wasn't a good year for you, because I'm going to do this.
Marc:I'm saying this out loud to myself, but I had a good year.
Marc:There were ups and downs.
Marc:There was emotional issues.
Marc:There were mistakes made.
Marc:But this is it.
Marc:There's no such thing as a clean slate anymore with the Internet, is there?
Marc:No more clean slates, but there is a new year.
Marc:And there is a moment here where you can take a second and just look at some of the good things, even if it stunk, even if it was terrible.
Marc:There's got to be something to be grateful for.
Marc:You got to be grateful to be alive, even if that is not all it's racked up to be on any given day.
Marc:There's got to be some gratitude.
Marc:There's got to be some self-acceptance.
Marc:Give yourself a break.
Marc:Don't hurt yourself tonight.
Marc:It's a little recovery trick.
Marc:Make a gratitude list.
Marc:And just feel it.
Marc:Because I blow right through it.
Marc:But there are things to be grateful for.
Marc:There are problems.
Marc:There are personal problems.
Marc:There are problems in the world.
Marc:But maybe just reflect a little bit on what you might do differently, but also on what you're grateful for.
Marc:And if you have love in your heart or in your life, be fucking thankful for that.
Marc:If you're capable of that and it exists within you.
Marc:Maybe things will turn out better globally, politically, financially for you or whatever, but strip it all away.
Marc:Fuck politics.
Marc:You know, fuck the world.
Marc:You know, fuck your money problems.
Marc:Fuck your broken heart.
Marc:And just find...
Marc:that little bit of space within yourself that is truly you, and give it a little pat on the little head and say, we're okay.
Marc:And there's a lot of things in life that make it amazing.
Marc:Do that.
Marc:Will you?
Marc:Tonight?
Marc:Today?
Marc:Do that.
Marc:So Bill Burr has got some pretty aggressive fans who've been pestering me for weeks for this little chat I did with Bill.
Marc:You know, I got my friends.
Marc:They come in here.
Marc:Sometimes they got a thing.
Marc:I'll get a call from a buddy.
Marc:Hey, I got this thing.
Marc:You mind if I come talk about the thing?
Marc:on the podcast there mark and i'm like yeah sure sure come over and talk about the thing for a few minutes i usually call them shorties but you know with bill hadn't seen him in a while we had a little catching up to do so it turned into a little more than that he's got this uh he's got this great uh animated thing that he's got going he's going to tell you about that f is for family and we talked about some other stuff so this is me and uh the the great human that is bill burr
Marc:So, all right, you know, I tell you, Bill, I've known you a long time, and, you know, I get to screen in for the cartoon.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:And there's part of me, you know, you know the deal.
Marc:There's part of me that's like, ah, fucking cartoon.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I like that you call it a cartoon.
Guest:That's what I call it.
Guest:That animated series is a little too highbrow for me.
Marc:Well, yeah, but I'm not necessarily a cartoon guy.
Marc:Are you?
Marc:Do you watch Family Guy?
Marc:You watch The Simpsons?
Marc:Really?
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:I watch South Park.
Marc:It's the best social commentary.
Marc:No, I agree with you.
Guest:I don't watch it much.
Guest:For the last 20 years on TV.
Guest:And I watch Axe Cop, Major Lazer, all that stuff.
Guest:Oh, you do?
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I love that stuff.
Guest:I got to watch.
Guest:My point is.
Guest:It's like Pink Floyd made a cartoon sometimes.
Guest:Some of the stuff they come up with.
Marc:I was on a couple cartoons.
Marc:I'm on Adventure Time.
Marc:One episode of Adventure Time.
Marc:Play a flying squirrel or a non-flying squirrel.
Marc:Of course you did.
Marc:I could have told you you were going to get that gig.
Marc:First time I met you.
Marc:I got a regular gig on Harvey Beaks.
Marc:I'm a cranky raccoon.
Marc:I'm involved.
Marc:That's good.
Marc:With animation.
Marc:You're in it, but you're just not into it.
Marc:Well, I don't watch it.
Marc:I don't watch anything, though.
Marc:So I'm like, all right, I'll watch Bill's cartoon.
Marc:And then I'm watching it, and I'm like, oh, this is good, 70s.
Marc:I'm like, still a cartoon.
Marc:But then at some point, I'm like completely emotionally engaged.
Marc:Nice.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, like 10 minutes, like however, 12 minutes in, I'm like, what's going to happen?
Marc:Then all of a sudden, like the kids came to life.
Marc:You know, the father that you're playing, he came to life and the time period came to life.
Marc:And I found I was very emotionally moved.
Marc:Very nice.
Guest:Is that what I was supposed to do?
Guest:Yeah, well, the mission statement basically was how the whole thing came about.
Guest:F for family, it's called.
Guest:F is for family, yeah.
Guest:How it came about was I was initially just going to make little five-minute vignettes.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I was going to pay for it, just throw it up on my website, and it was all based on how we look like the Brady Bunch.
Guest:We look like a Norman Rockwell painting of a family.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And we would always do this Norman Rockwell-esque stuff like, hey, let's go get a Christmas tree.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But it was all the dysfunction between that idea and then the end when we were decorating the tree.
Guest:I'm like, that's where the gold is.
Guest:That's where the stand-up is.
Guest:And I'd been telling those stories throughout my career.
Guest:And as I started getting older and the generation that wore helmets when they rode bicycles and helicopter parents and play dates...
Guest:They came up, and a lot of them still came up like me, but there was that social pressure to groan at bullying and not laugh at it the way you did when you were kids.
Marc:Right, so your generation, you mean, that has a family now.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:So these kids came along, and then they were just groaning.
Guest:I got frustrated.
Guest:So that's how I started thinking, I'll do the vignette.
Guest:Then of course I'm a comedian, I procrastinate, I never did it.
Guest:And then I just happened to have a general meeting with Wild West, Vince Vaughn's company.
Guest:And they were like, what do you got?
Guest:You got any ideas for TV shows?
Guest:And I was like, no, nothing I ever pitch ever gets made.
Guest:And all it does, I get tied up in a development deal.
Guest:And then I can't be on shows that are actually on the air.
Guest:So I don't want to get tied up in one of those.
Guest:That's a sucker's game.
Guest:So you guys are making movies.
Guest:I like movies.
Guest:If you can shoehorn me in there, I'll play anybody you want.
Guest:And they're like, all right, cool, but we like you, blah, blah, blah.
Guest:And as I was walking out the door, I literally just, you know, I got this cartoon idea.
Guest:And they were looking to do one.
Guest:literally as and they just pulled me in the next thing you know we got Mike Price the great Mike Price from The Simpsons co-creator of the show and it was all your idea though the inception of it but the show itself is literally like you know 20 people sure but this is based on your family the character I play is an amalgam of everybody's dad there I wanted my family my dad everybody to be able to sit down and watch this and enjoy the show the way you're going to but every once in a while I'll be like I remember doing that
Guest:Oh, yeah, right.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But nobody's going to know what happened or what didn't happen.
Marc:Right, right.
Marc:And also so they're not going to be like, oh, shit, he's throwing me under the bus.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Kid's throwing me under the bus.
Guest:No, I respect the fact that I was dumb enough to pick a job to get into the public eye and they didn't.
Guest:So I respect the fact that they don't want to be.
Guest:But there's a few things like- I'm still learning that lesson.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, there's a line in that thing, I'll put you through that fucking wall.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:My dad did say that.
Guest:And there was a moment one time he was yelling at us outside.
Guest:We had this field next to the house and he just sort of randomly pointed towards the woods.
Guest:He was so ramped up.
Guest:We pissed him off.
Guest:I'll put you through that fucking wall.
Guest:And we had all we could do not to laugh because it's like, dad, we're standing in the woods.
Guest:But the thing about my dad was like, you know, three days later you could bring it up and tell the story and he would laugh his ass off.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So it was, you know, it's, you know, that volatile moment.
Guest:You're a little hot-headed.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:You don't have that at all.
Guest:Geez, I wonder.
Guest:I take after my mom.
Guest:No, no, I have that in spades.
Guest:But I think a lot of times-
Marc:No, he turns out to be the great thing about that character in the show is that there's an edge to it.
Marc:But, you know, he's a sympathetic character.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Like the balance of it is good.
Marc:There's not a monster.
Marc:You know, I think that if you saw that father now, you know, out in public doing that with his kids, like you said, that generation of pussies would be like that's, you know, someone should call child services.
Marc:But, you know, when you're in the dynamic and you realize the guy's got shortcomings and weaknesses of his own, there's a humility to it.
Marc:And you like the guy.
Guest:Yeah, his heart's in the right place.
Guest:A lot of times I would always say to a lot of people in my life talking about the curse of having a temper is what happens is even when you're in the right, you become wrong because they can then say like, all right, yeah, I shouldn't have done this and this, but that's no reason to call me a cunt.
Marc:Yeah, or everyone's crying just because you didn't have the right breakfast.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I know what you mean.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because once you escalate to a certain point, it's no longer about right or wrong.
Marc:It's about- You're just an asshole.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:That's what it becomes.
Guest:So that has been my big thing with my temper.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Is I've tried to, and I try not to lose my mind.
Guest:I try not to lose.
Guest:Like the other night I was driving with my wife and we were going over to go see a movie and I made it all the way to Santa Monica.
Guest:From Hollywood?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Without flipping out.
Guest:It's hard.
Guest:And right as I was pulling into where I was going to park, some asshole did something and I completely lost my shit.
Guest:I was on seven.
Guest:I wasn't even close to 10.
Marc:But not at her, just at the situation.
Guest:Just at LA.
Guest:The injustice.
Guest:It drove me nuts that the fucking robot lady says that you're at the place that you're at and you're not.
Guest:And then you got to figure out where you're at.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I'm talking about the GPS thing.
Yeah.
Guest:And then I realized, oh, I'm not here.
Guest:And I looked in the rearview mirror.
Guest:There was nobody there.
Guest:My wife asked me one question.
Guest:I looked for half a second, answered it, and looked in the rearview mirror, and there was like six cars coming.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I swear to God, it's like the Truman Show out here.
Guest:It's like, oh, he wants to back up.
Guest:All right, roll in all these cars.
Guest:And I completely lost my shit.
Guest:But I made a joke.
Guest:I said, well, I almost did it.
Guest:I almost made it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Was she all right?
Guest:She...
Guest:No, I don't think she is.
Guest:I think it really affects her in a negative way, and it's something I'm trying to work on, because I was going to say that I don't sometimes understand the tension that it creates, but it's like, yes, I do, because I grew up in a house.
Guest:Well, you're just walking around on eggshells.
Guest:You don't want that fucking guy.
Guest:When's that guy going to blow?
Guest:And I hate that I became that guy, because I always said I wasn't going to be that guy, so that's something that I've...
Marc:been trying to work on how do you do it wait i mean what do you because like i have the same like lately with me i'm like i'm moving to the mountains i won't get i won't get out all together like because a lot of it a lot of it is bullshit la a lot of it is traffic related i i mean it's like i can't i have a hard time managing that shit in the relationship situation i'm a little better but i just i just stew i don't yell anymore i how are you it's doing
Guest:The stewing is more... I wouldn't say stew.
Guest:To me, I'm more pouting.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:I didn't get my way, and now I'm going to sit here and just not talk to you as an adult, literally acting like an eight-year-old.
Guest:So, yeah, there's a lot of embarrassing facets of my... Anger?
Guest:Like, yeah, everything.
Guest:It just all leads to like, you know, I wish I could be that, that I wish I could have that chill vibe.
Marc:Do we though?
Marc:Do we?
Marc:I mean, I'd like to be able to turn it on and off, but I mean, I don't like a lot of times, like I don't want to admit it.
Marc:right because people ask me all that all the time do you think that you need your your your craziness or your neurotic shit or your anger to be funny and i'm like i don't need it you know but then it never goes away you know so i'm not doing anything to fix or behave differently around some fundamental shit because it does drive a lot yeah but you're way less angry than when i met you i am too
Guest:I'm definitely way less angry.
Guest:We did all right.
Guest:But our thing is we set the bar so high with the anger that even us just coming down is still like... I remember my brother told me... We all got a bit of my dad's temper.
Guest:One of my brothers told me this story one time riding with his girlfriend at the time, and he was flipping about, you know, blah, blah, blah, da, da, da, da, da.
Guest:And she just goes, stop yelling.
Guest:He goes, I'm not yelling.
Guest:And then he just goes, this...
Guest:and went totally through it and literally blew her hair back and I think that was the end of it because she was a sweetheart and didn't come from that which is just I can't imagine I have a lot of empathy not empathy sympathy for anybody that came from a decent background that ends up in a day to day with me with the monsters yeah I'm not that bad but I mean if you live with me my wife puts up with a lot it's a rage thing you know like it comes over you
Marc:And it's a horrible feeling when you're seized by it, where you know you're like, it's happening.
Marc:You know what's happening.
Marc:Oh, now at this age, you know what's happening and you can't stop it.
Marc:It's just coming out of your mouth.
Marc:God damn it.
Marc:And you're like, why is this happening?
Marc:There's a guy in there going, what are we doing?
Guest:What are we doing?
Guest:You know, she's going to get upset with you.
Guest:You know, you told her you weren't going to do this.
Guest:You know what my thing is?
Guest:Technology.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:So you're the guy with the gadgets yelling?
Guest:No, I can't.
Guest:I hate all of it.
Guest:I hate all of it.
Guest:It's draining.
Guest:It is draining.
Guest:I hate the new operating systems and all that stuff.
Guest:All it is designed to do is fill up your damn thing so you got to throw it out and get another one.
Guest:And it's like I just learned the other one.
Guest:Yeah, right.
Guest:So it's like back in the day when I was a kid, you know, you learn how to read, you could read.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I was literate.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then what I can't stand about these things, it's like I'm functionally literate.
Guest:It's the best I ever get.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then I go right back to being in first grade again.
Marc:Like A is for Apple.
Marc:And that's what it is.
Marc:It's that planned obsolescence shit.
Marc:At least back in the day when they did that with cars or televisions is a good example from the show.
Marc:You had a choice.
Marc:Like, you know, I'm going to stick with the old one.
Marc:I don't need the new window thing.
Guest:I don't need the- Well, you could get it fixed.
Guest:You could go to the television repair person.
Guest:Like that-
Guest:My parents' generation, I think it's one of the last generations that they bought stuff and they have it for it.
Guest:I go home to my parents' house and I just look at stuff going like, dude, look at this spoon.
Guest:I ate with this 40 years ago.
Guest:Wooden spoons, glasses.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Back in the day, we had the big wooden TVs on the legs.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, we blew the tube.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Then you just didn't watch TV for like three days and then somebody came by- With a tube.
Guest:With a tube and he fixed it and then it worked again.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Everything, you just throw everything away now.
Guest:Everything's garbage.
Guest:You fixed the vacuum cleaner.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, you bought one.
Guest:There were whole businesses based on people's fear of buying new things.
Guest:And then it became the whole, like, you know, well, you might as well buy a new one.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Because it's going to cost you almost as much.
Marc:They're all in on it.
Guest:And then you got that big swirl of garbage out there in the Pacific.
Guest:And I always think about that every time.
Guest:I just thought about that when I went to go get a little...
Guest:breakfast burrito the swirl of garbage yeah because they thought i was getting it to go so then she goes she put it in a brown paper bag so i took it i go yeah i don't need this yeah i don't need this and then she goes you want a paper plate and i go yeah it was a wash how does it get to the swirl of garbage
Guest:Well, I mean, if it either ends up in a landfill or it goes in the ocean, you never throw anything out.
Guest:Like everything you've ever owned exists someplace on this planet.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Unless it was biodegradable at this point.
Guest:Or burned.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So it's out there.
Guest:It's out there.
Guest:Your rollerblades, everything that you stopped using.
Guest:There's a large swirl of garbage.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The suspenders that you had when you were into roller skating way back in the day, there's somewhere.
Guest:Large swirl of garbage.
Guest:It's like two miles deep and twice the size of Texas, just out in the Pacific Ocean, just swirling around.
Guest:What?
Guest:What's it doing?
Guest:Well, the way the currents move or something caused it all to kind of go there.
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Was it two miles deep, you said?
Marc:Two miles deep and like one and a half times the size of Texas.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:So this is the stuff that like, you know, you're having a good day.
Marc:You're having a pretty good morning, right?
Marc:You can have a breakfast burrito.
Marc:And then you want a paper bag?
Marc:No, I don't want to.
Marc:And then a plate?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then all of a sudden you're in the swirl of garbage.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And it's over.
Guest:I take that.
Guest:And then you know what?
Guest:The other person who just...
Guest:takes the paper bag and the paper plate, I immediately assume that they know about the swirl of garbage and they don't care.
Marc:Right, right.
Marc:That fucker.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No heart.
Guest:Rather than he probably has like four kids and he's been up all night.
Marc:But you've got a paper plate too.
Marc:I think that's part of the anger is that, you know, you get angry on principle, but then you can't help.
Marc:No, you can't.
Marc:You're going to go for comfort.
Marc:Be part of it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No winning.
Guest:No, I went down the rabbit hole conspiracy theory.
Guest:I've crawled out.
Guest:I tried to get you out of that a little bit.
Guest:I just, well, I mean, I was right about a lot of the stuff because it was about banking, if you do remember.
Guest:No, yeah, there's always the them and they are running everything.
Guest:That's true.
Guest:I just don't think it's organized.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:You know what they say is like stupid things like Jews run Hollywood.
Guest:It would be like, dude, the level of cooperation.
Guest:Necessary.
Guest:Just to run...
Guest:Hollywood, and if you've been in this town for more than three seconds, it is a knife fight.
Marc:Nobody's working with anybody.
Marc:I had that moment with my friend Jim, who worked for Clinton, and he's a politics guy.
Marc:It's in Jerusalem Syndrome.
Marc:I used to do it on stage, I think, where I'd just go off on this rant.
Marc:It's the Bilderberger Group, the Trilateral Commission, the Freemasons.
Marc:I'm yelling at him on the mall in D.C., and I think I nailed it.
Marc:And you got the beard.
Marc:You're that guy.
Marc:I was that guy.
Marc:And he takes this weird beat and he just looks at me and goes, Mark, people here just aren't that organized.
Marc:There's no way.
Marc:Yeah, they aren't.
Guest:People will try to do it, but at the end of the day, even within your group, someone's going to be like, well, why is Mark on top?
Guest:I want to be that guy.
Guest:It's like a band.
Guest:How many bands, other than the Rolling Stones,
Guest:We're able to stay together.
Guest:After a while, you're just like, this guy with the way he eats toast.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, get him out.
Marc:But the thing is, you're right about the banks because they're the ones that can rig the system.
Marc:If you can rig the system, it's really hard to rig the system in show business.
Marc:Yeah, you can close the gates and certain people get jobs, but if they don't make money,
Marc:It's over.
Marc:Right.
Marc:You only cannot make money a couple of times before show businesses are like, well, that guy's done.
Marc:But if you can rig the system from the inside and people are too stupid or it's too difficult to find out, then you do run everything.
Guest:But even then, banks are competing with other banks.
Guest:But it's just more like they're just not regulated.
Guest:So it's just what they're doing is like reprehensible.
Guest:I just actually watched a screener of that new Brad Pitt.
Guest:The Big Short.
Guest:I saw it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:was incredible but i have an equal amount of anger for the bankers and the dopes that got themselves involved in those loans yeah you know what i mean because it's just like you like i flunked math i flunked math every single year yeah of high school right and my brother was able to sit down and explain to me how a mortgage worked in a five minute conversation right how'd it go and i remember when i first got a mortgage and i was like i don't i want to make double mortgage pay i bought something i could afford first of all yeah
Guest:to pay more than the mortgage.
Guest:And I made like double mortgage payments.
Guest:And all of a sudden I was six months ahead on my mortgage, but hadn't knocked down the principal because I was just making interest payments.
Guest:And then I was like, oh, that's how that works.
Guest:So then I was like, all right, so I'm just paying the mortgage.
Guest:And then this other stuff I write on this line that's principal.
Guest:I'm a moron.
Guest:I was able to figure that out.
Guest:So I know there was a lot of people.
Guest:My dad flipped out when the whole thing happened in 07.
Marc:But people should know better where they're like, sign this paper, we'll give you a free house.
Marc:And you can pay for it later.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And there are people that are just like, free house?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Or like when the bank calls you up to refinance.
Guest:It's like, hey, you're paying $1,800 a month.
Guest:You want to make $1,200 a month mortgage?
Guest:It's like, let me get this straight.
Guest:You just called me up to make $600 less a month.
Guest:How does this work?
Guest:And what it is, is they go back to mortgage payment number one.
Guest:So all the interest you've been paying for the last five years is just in the ocean.
Guest:It's in their pocket.
Guest:And then you've got to start all over again.
Guest:So that's $600 a month you're saving.
Guest:Nobody
Guest:Somehow it works out with the numbers that you're actually paying more.
Guest:But most people just hear like, yeah, I'll save 600 a month.
Guest:And then you know what they do with that 600?
Guest:They go out and they buy a flat screen TV, which is a total depreciating, whatever they call it, asset.
Guest:Nothing.
Guest:And then where does it end up?
Guest:In the ocean.
Guest:In the ocean.
Guest:Hitting a porpoise, right in the teeth.
Marc:Swirling.
Marc:Yep.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:well what is um on f is for family right that's the whole title you're working with great people i mean there's a lot of great people on that show who are the people who are doing the voices with you you're doing the father great you got a great clip at that how many takes you got to do with that you just kind of roll with it it took me like three uh three times of going in there yeah to uh get comedy club comfortable right right right and uh on those mics
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Were you usually working with an ensemble?
Marc:Were you doing it separately?
Guest:Both.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Both.
Guest:So, oh yeah, you said earlier you did it.
Guest:So you know the deal.
Guest:So it was just sort of a thing where I'm obviously comfortable on a microphone, wearing headphones, not enough radio.
Guest:So that was comfortable.
Guest:But then it was just like, okay, we're going to do the whole script.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And sometimes I did it by myself.
Guest:So that was just a little weird.
Guest:And then also trying to keep the energy going up as you're reading the lines.
Guest:You're not going to memorize a whole script.
Guest:Right.
Guest:No, you can't.
Guest:You got to read.
Guest:And you don't have to.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:You just go in there.
Guest:So it was learning how to do that.
Guest:And anybody who listens to my podcast knows that reading out loud is not one of my strong suits.
Marc:It's hard.
Marc:It's like reading a prompter.
Marc:So you learn how to do that.
Marc:You had to pick up that skill, huh?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I got a little better than that.
Guest:But as far as the cast, Laura Dern plays my wife.
Guest:Justin Long crushes it as...
Guest:uh kevin the stoner brother yeah the stoner brother and then uh little bill is played by hayley reinhardt who is one of the finalists on like american idol and that was a very key voice to get because a little boy's voice where it hasn't you know changed yet yeah yeah um if he's whining to his parents can be really annoying yeah and i don't know i always looked at those kids like i want to beat the shit out of you i don't know why
Marc:Natural vulnerability that's annoying.
Guest:She has this natural raspiness to her voice, that singer thing.
Guest:And she was able to like, she does such a great voice on that.
Guest:Oh, it's like Pam Adalon in King of the Hill.
Guest:She played the little boy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I think you got to have a little bit of that so it doesn't sound like a little girl.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Debbie Derryberry plays Maureen, the daughter.
Guest:And if you've watched any of those Pixar animated movies, she's done like a total pro.
Guest:Kevin Farley's in there.
Guest:Sam Rockwell.
Guest:What does he play?
Guest:He plays Vic Reynolds, the cool next-door neighbor.
Guest:Oh, that's Sam Rockwell?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, he's great.
Guest:That's a great character.
Guest:Kevin Michael Richardson.
Guest:Mo Collins.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Mo Collins absolutely destroys from Matt TV, absolutely crushes it.
Guest:She does the voice of Jimmy Fitzsimmons, the bully, and a bunch of other voices.
Guest:It's been an incredible experience.
Guest:That's an all-star team there.
Guest:Yeah, but what happened was we wrote a really funny script and we got one big fish.
Guest:I forget who we got first.
Guest:So then all of a sudden it's like, well, you know, this is a funny script and so-and-so's attached.
Guest:Then all of a sudden they started falling like dominoes and it was just...
Guest:It was incredible, but I got to tell you, watching the actors, more so than the voiceover people, because they were such pros, they just had the voice.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:But watching Sam Rockwell, Laura Dern, and Justin Long, watching their approach, where it was just like every... I watched all of them, every take.
Guest:It was like when they first did it, you're like, oh my God, like...
Guest:what are they doing yeah and then five minutes later like wow that's really good and then like like 10 minutes in seven to 10 minutes in it was just this different person that wasn't them i was just like why do they do that yeah like that is amazing they're fucking pros yeah and they had like their process and i was like um i was looking at more like it from a stand-up approach like right get in there make it funny right now but it works
Marc:yeah because you got that character yeah that guy yeah yeah yeah we do what we can within the range we can do it totally i'm basically being propped up by a tremendous amount of talent right no but that's not true you have a tremendous amount of talent you're a good actor too but you know i i mean i i you're you know you seem to be you know comfortable in a lot of different roles but this one really speaks to you i mean you know this guy you are this guy for the most part we're better if we're the guy
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's some version of it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:What's cool about this is that some of my dad's catchphrases, some of Mike Price's, some of the other writer's catchphrases or experiences.
Guest:And then his politics sometimes are mine though.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So it's sort of this cyborg version.
Guest:Right.
Guest:It's a bunch of personalities in there.
Marc:But you get the tone.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So, I mean, yeah, it's great, dude.
Marc:I've done some acting.
Marc:That's not like I'm breaking bad and shit and like that guy, I think, was the least like you had to turn a lot of things off, you know, you know, to have that guy.
Guest:But I've always wanted to play a guy, Patrick Kuby, by the way.
Guest:You know when I found out his first name was Patrick?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Was after I had filmed my final scene and then I was just watching the series.
Guest:Because I was always flying for one day, I'd do my little BS and they'd send me back.
Guest:And I remember knowing that my character was not going to show up anymore in the story as people were tweeting me going like, you know, is he coming back?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I knew that I wasn't.
Guest:And then when Dean's character was talking, he said, yeah, he was talking to Lavelle.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he was going like, yeah, your carrot top friend there, what's his name?
Guest:Patrick Kuby.
Guest:And I was literally at home watching it.
Guest:I stood up going, oh, my character's first name is Patrick?
Guest:I didn't know that.
Guest:Like freaking out.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's good, right?
Guest:Oh, yeah, no.
Guest:You nailed the magic.
Guest:That they totally fleshed it out.
Guest:But what was just great about that show was just the level that everyone was working on.
Guest:Whenever anybody goes, oh, you did a great job on that show, I always go, dude, you would have done a great job on that show.
Guest:You're working with the best actors ever, writers, directors, cinematography, the whole thing.
Guest:All you had to do was just say what they wrote and hit the lines and just try to make it sound remotely believable.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And that's one thing that I've learned about that whole...
Guest:making tv shows and movies it's it's like those are the guys that really as much as the actors are amazing like because every great actor has an absolute dog of a movie right it's like what did they forget how to act yeah it's just like if if you don't have that person knows how to pace it along how to yeah how to keep that thing rolling and then the right music to build up that whole ensemble thing yeah who did the music for uh f for is for family
Guest:Dave Kushner.
Guest:Who's that guy?
Guest:Dave Kushner's from Velvet Revolver.
Guest:There you go.
Guest:Rock and roll.
Guest:That's right, man.
Guest:How'd you hook up with that guy?
Guest:He was a friend of Wild West, Vince Vaughn and all those guys.
Guest:Dude, this thing just like, after all these years of trying to do a TV show, the one time when I was like, yeah, I don't have an idea.
Guest:I got this stupid cartoon idea.
Guest:This is the thing where all of a sudden the planets all aligned.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:where Wild West is like the greatest people I've ever worked with as far as putting together a show.
Guest:Then they get with Mike Price, who's the greatest showrunner I've ever worked with.
Guest:And then we get with Netflix, whose network notes were push it further, which is the dream.
Guest:It's usually like, remember when we said we want an edgy?
Guest:We don't.
Guest:We're going to saw the legs off this thing and leave you out there twisting in the wind.
Guest:And everybody's just like, that show sucked.
Guest:What was up with that?
Guest:They were the exact opposite.
Guest:So...
Guest:So then when we had to get music, the thing about the 70s is it's been so mined as far as all the great songs.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, that movie, Dazed and Confused Alone, was half my iPod.
Guest:They cost money, those songs.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:So what we wanted to do was pick some that were a little bit more obscure, and then we had Dave Kushner and his buddies come up with some original music for it.
Guest:And it's a really nice- From the time, kind of that feel.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:It worked out.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And does that mean, what, did he bring rock and roll buddies around or what?
Guest:Oh, absolutely.
Marc:Who did he play with?
Marc:Who comes in to do it?
Guest:Oh, no, no, no.
Guest:All the people that he worked with were all, like, studio guys.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:You know, it was cool.
Guest:I got to take you over there sometime.
Guest:Like, where they record the music, it's just a house looks like this.
Guest:And they converted the garage where it's literally a room within the room.
Guest:And, like...
Guest:I've stood outside the garage and this guy hit the drums as hard as he could hit them.
Guest:It sounded like somebody had a stereo on like two.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Insulated?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was just like, I need to know, I need to have, I got to have that.
Guest:Once again, the swirl of garbage disappears.
Guest:My own selfish, I go into my own monkey brain.
Guest:I'm like, yeah, I want to have that.
Guest:Cut down some trees and make me that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:How do we do this at my house?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I got to have one of those.
Guest:Cause I'm not a professional drummer.
Guest:So I definitely need a professional drumming studio in my garage.
Marc:So no one will hear you.
Marc:So you don't have to have that self-consciousness.
Guest:Oh, you want to hear a good story about that?
Guest:I used to, when I first moved out here with my then girlfriend and now wife, we lived over this crazy old guy.
Guest:He was in the beginning parts of dementia, which we didn't know.
Guest:So he was really sarcastic as hell.
Guest:And we had hardwood floors.
Guest:Anytime he dropped something on the floor, he would go like, you just hear from downstairs, you just hear, do it again!
Guest:keep it up.
Guest:Like that thing.
Guest:So what I used to do is I, wherever I dropped, if I didn't like it, or I just take my, you know, my Timbaland, I would just slam it on the floor and then he would shut up.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And, but he had this habit of really, you know, he could, you know, he could hear my voice cause it was an old building.
Guest:But when I was on the road, he really acted up and he would always be yelling at my wife.
Guest:like from the floor below.
Guest:So she kept going, you got to go down there, you got to talk to him.
Guest:You got to talk to him.
Guest:And I was just going, I'm not going down to talk to him.
Guest:It's an old guy.
Guest:It's not going to go well.
Guest:No matter what happens.
Guest:I'm a young guy.
Guest:I'm getting into an argument with an old guy.
Guest:I don't want to do this.
Guest:So whatever.
Guest:So like, you know, we had this little apartment.
Guest:I had my little guitar set up and, you know, my little practice pad with my drums and all that stuff.
Guest:So one day, it was after Christmas holidays, and I'm taking the Christmas tree down the stairs.
Guest:I was trying to be quiet, but at the end of the day, I'm taking a fucking tree down the stairs.
Guest:It's only so quiet you could be.
Guest:So I walk by him, and he's glaring at me.
Guest:I just wink at him or something like, I'm just being playful, whatever, and I take it to the thing.
Guest:And I come back into the house and Nia goes like, you need to go down there right now and talk to this guy.
Guest:He just said this.
Guest:It was just a moment.
Guest:I said, fine, you want me to go down there?
Guest:And I'll talk to the guy.
Guest:And I went down and I start talking to the guy.
Guest:And I got like two words into it.
Guest:And he starts flipping out, screaming and yelling.
Guest:And now I'm standing there and there's an old guy looking like he's going to keel over.
Guest:He's yelling so bad.
Guest:And I was in my 30s at that time.
Guest:So I'm looking like an asshole.
Guest:When I'm trying to explain, I go, dude, will you relax?
Guest:I'm just saying...
Guest:Don't yell at my wife.
Guest:If you have a problem, just come up like a gentleman, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Guest:And then at one point he just looks at me and he goes, he goes, how's your band?
Guest:And then he just goes, like he could hear my guitar playing and he was basically saying I sucked.
Guest:Dude, my face literally turned red.
Guest:I was embarrassed.
Guest:And my wife was above, right above listening to it.
Guest:And she thought it was funny.
Guest:So for like the next three days, I was so mortified.
Guest:I didn't even play.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then when I started playing, I would either not have the amp on or have the headphones on.
Guest:And I was even picking it really like gingerly.
Guest:And after like three, four days of this, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?
Guest:Fuck this guy.
Guest:And I turned it up and I started playing again.
Guest:But there's nothing more embarrassing than when somebody makes fun of your hobby.
Guest:Because you know it's your hobby.
Guest:You know you stink at it.
Guest:Like if somebody told me you suck as a comic, like, fuck yeah, I put food on the table doing that.
Guest:You just don't like my act.
Guest:I can shake that.
Guest:It still hurts, but not to the level like there's a major exposure when somebody hears your hobby.
Guest:Right, because he's vulnerable.
Guest:He got in your head.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest:He hit you right where it hurt.
Marc:Yeah, you're not a pro, and you're always fantasizing like, do you think I'd be good enough to play in a band?
Marc:I know the same way with fucking guitar, dude.
Marc:Dude, you can play though.
Marc:Yeah, there's part of me though, like I'm sure you get this too, where I'm like, I think this is what I'm going to do now.
Yeah.
Marc:i just gotta get some guys together no way and i've i've gone on tours with other comics and i i've which is basically the band experience except you don't have to interact with them as much right but like there's there's always going to be the late guy yeah there's going to be the user the pussy hound and all of that but also the fact that i you know i i don't know if i can play with people you know playing at home you know in your own time doing one take or maybe if you think you really nailed that solo you can hit that song again oh i wasn't even talking about being an
Guest:sort of like no i know decent band right i just mean like trying it just trying to do it but did you get to play with any of these guys like did you get to play with uh kushner yeah well they had me uh play drums on a on a track for the uh for the show of course it didn't make it yeah you know it's funny when i actually listened back to your bone dude when oh yeah totally they did and when i came and listened to the track dude and i thought i nailed it dude oh
Guest:Dude, it was like... You ever hear that joke?
Guest:How do you know there's a drummer at the door?
Guest:Oh.
Guest:Because the knocking speeds up?
Guest:Like, that's what it was.
Guest:Except mine was like... Like, dude, it was... Couldn't hold it?
Guest:Oh.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, but I was also like, you know, I'm sitting like, that's Dave Kushner standing right there.
Guest:Like, you know what I mean?
Guest:And they showed up like, all right, man, go ahead.
Guest:Get in there, have a hit.
Guest:And they were like, we'll fix it.
Guest:We'll fix it.
Guest:I kept calling it the Paula Abdul...
Guest:Knob.
Guest:I go, can you turn that up a little more and stretch that out and then condense that thing?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But what ended up happening was, you know, Dave is such a great guy.
Guest:You know, he does a lot of stuff for charity.
Guest:Whenever he does charity, he knows all of those guys.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, the Guns N' Roses guy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:All the guys like STP guy.
Guest:He knows all of those guys.
Guest:So when he puts together a show-
Guest:For charity, it's like an all-star band.
Guest:You feel like you're at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Guest:So I went to a couple of these shows, and then at one point he said to me, he goes, hey, man, do you want to sit in on one song?
Guest:You're going to do some stand-up and then maybe sit in?
Guest:And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, dude.
Guest:I'm not going to.
Guest:I'm not going to be that guy.
Marc:There's that old man downstairs.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Talking in the back of your head.
Guest:No, but also it's just like everybody's geeking out that they're that close to these rock stars.
Guest:And then we're going to bring up this jerk off.
Guest:And I was just like, I don't want to do that.
Guest:And he goes, all right, man.
Guest:You know, he's like the guy, you know, they wouldn't care, man.
Guest:They actually know they like your stuff, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Guest:And then I was driving.
Guest:I was thinking, yeah, I was like, you know what?
Guest:That was more of a fear choice.
Guest:I'm trying to act like I was being courteous.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Like I don't want to do that to you, but it was really, I was too scared to do it.
Guest:So I was just, I just called him back and said, all right, let's do it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So we decided we're going to do Highway to Hell.
Guest:Phil Rudd, straight ahead.
Guest:So I show up there the day we're doing the sound check and everybody is a monster, but I'm not recognizing half of the guys.
Guest:So I start, once I get their names, I'm like Wikipedia-ing them and they're all these insane studio guys and I own half the albums these guys played on.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I just met this guy.
Guest:Hey, I'm Chris.
Guest:I found this guy who plays with Jane's Addiction, bass player and stuff.
Guest:So we end up going up there.
Guest:I end up going up.
Guest:I do the sound check.
Guest:We do the song once.
Guest:I mean, you know, and it went well.
Guest:They go, all right, man, that sounds good.
Guest:Does that, you know, you want to do it again?
Guest:I go, no, you know, that's how I'm going to do it.
Guest:So they go, fine.
Guest:So that night I show up.
Guest:Now there's a crowd there.
Guest:The sun's gone down.
Guest:We're playing outside.
Guest:And these guys start.
Guest:I'm looking at the set list going like, okay, I got to be up second or third.
Guest:They'll warm them up, get the stupid comic in and out, and then they'll go back to being rock stars with professional drumming.
Guest:And I'm like, third to last song or fourth.
Guest:I'm like, what are they doing?
Guest:So they're tearing through 10 songs, destroying them.
Right.
Guest:Frankie Perez on vocals just crushing.
Guest:And it's like these people just going nuts because it's like they're getting their own private concert for this charity thing.
Guest:And then we're coming up.
Guest:They did Roadhouse Blues, and I knew I was next to play Highway to Hell.
Guest:So I sneak up onto the bandstand because I didn't want to get the announcement or whatever.
Guest:intro and uh as i'm sitting down the drum the bass player and guitar player walk off stage right and i'm already getting i'm getting nervous now just telling you this i'm like oh what's going on we didn't rehearse this what's going on so christian goes yeah hey we got gonna have a special guest on this one uh on drum and everybody's like oh my god who's this gonna be bruce springsteen they're so spoiled they go on drums we got bill burr comedian bill burr and dude literally golf clap
Guest:I didn't think there was a clap.
Guest:It was just like a collective, who the fuck is that?
Guest:So now, you know, I'm hiding my face behind one of the cymbals.
Guest:And then he goes, I also got a couple more friends coming up to the stage from Guns N' Roses.
Guest:Please welcome Duff McKagan and Slash.
Guest:And they just walked up on stage.
Guest:And I was like, oh my God, oh my God.
Guest:And dude, I literally, Appetite for Destruction in the 80s, I would lift weights to it and then play drums to it every single day.
Guest:My older brother wanted to kill me.
Marc:Heroes.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And me and my brothers used to do a cover of Highway to Hell.
Guest:And one of my brothers stood where Duff was and the other one stood where Slash was.
Guest:It was like 12 worlds all meeting.
Guest:And I had three seconds to process this.
Guest:And then Slash just goes...
Guest:And I was like, oh God, here we go.
Guest:And then I still, I couldn't feel my legs.
Guest:And somehow I was able to get through it.
Guest:I screwed up like three times, but I came back on time, you know?
Guest:And I just remember in the end, you know how the band cuts out and then Bon Scott does the...
Guest:All the way.
Guest:And then there's the big cymbal watch.
Guest:Well, Slash, Duff, and Dave all turn around for the cue because it's on me.
Guest:And dude, I would have been less nervous if literally three oak trees came to life and bent down and talked to me.
Guest:So I get off stage and I am grinning like Julia Roberts.
Guest:All my molars are showing.
Guest:I couldn't believe it.
Guest:I got to meet Slash afterwards and he said he liked my drumming.
Guest:He was being nice.
Guest:So now I am floating.
Guest:Like, wow, I just play with these rock stars and they like me.
Guest:So then, of course, I leave, get in my Prius, right?
Guest:Most un-rock and roll thing ever.
Guest:And I was driving down...
Guest:It was up in the Hollywood Hills where we did it, and I was literally screaming, like just out the window.
Guest:I couldn't fucking believe it happened.
Guest:So I go down to the comedy store because I was going to meet these guys to smoke a cigar.
Guest:And I go down there, and I get out of the car, and one of the guys that runs the store, Adam, comes out.
Guest:He goes, hey, Bill, I didn't even come by.
Guest:He goes, you want to go up?
Guest:And I was like, nope.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:That was the end of my night right there.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I go in the back.
Guest:I tell all the guys the story.
Guest:They can't believe it.
Guest:Night of my life.
Guest:As I'm telling the story, Kushner sent me some video of it.
Guest:So I showed it to them.
Guest:They're like, dude, that's like make a wish step.
Guest:That's unreal.
Guest:I literally didn't want the night to end.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So it's three in the morning and now I finally have to go home.
Guest:And this is where I turned back into a pumpkin.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I'm like, ah, this is the greatest night ever.
Guest:So I get in my Prius again.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm driving out of the comedy store parking lot.
Guest:You know, I got to wait to make the left to cross sunset.
Guest:And all of a sudden, there's this knock on my passenger side window.
Guest:I look over, drop dead gorgeous woman.
Guest:I'm like, this just can't get any better.
Guest:I immediately go to my ego.
Guest:She's like, oh, I didn't know you were down here tonight.
Guest:I was the biggest fan.
Guest:Did you go up?
Guest:I love your comedy.
Guest:I thought she was going to do that.
Guest:I rolled down the window and she sticks her whole head in the car and she just goes, are you Felipe, our Uber driver?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I just was like, no.
Guest:No, I'm not.
Guest:And then I just drove home in silence.
Guest:welcome back to the planet yeah so oh bad that didn't couldn't have ruined it too much no it was still uh it was an awesome i got to do it one other time uh recently and i got to play with gilby clark and oh that's great he's a good guy oh yeah he's a great guy yeah yeah and duff again and uh it was yeah it was insane living the life man yeah yeah but i keep it in perspective that i know i i know that i suck
Guest:And I also know that it's one and done.
Guest:When you do those things, you do one song and then the novelty's over or else they're just like... Then it's a job and you're not doing it well.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:Right.
Marc:There you go.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, no, but the... I mean, it's good to know that no matter what happens, you're always going to suck to you.
Marc:What do you mean?
Marc:Well, I mean, you know what I mean?
Marc:Like the thing that's going to keep us humble is that part of us is sort of like.
Guest:No, I think everybody that's actually really good at what they do is not happy with what they're doing.
Marc:Yeah, it's a shame, isn't it?
Guest:To a certain level.
Guest:No, because I can be happy with what I've done.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But like I always had that feeling I know I can do better.
Guest:I know I can get better.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because other than that, then you just become that guy.
Marc:Yeah, I'm great at this.
Marc:My hour's good.
Marc:I don't need to change it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And then you're like, hey, what's up with Bill Clinton, huh?
Guest:This Monica Lewinsky stuff is crazy.
Guest:Well, look, dude, F is for family is great.
Guest:And how many did you do?
Guest:We did six.
Guest:So they gave us like half a season to see how we do.
Guest:So I have no idea what next year is going to be.
Guest:It's either going to be us doing a season two, hopefully.
Yeah.
Guest:depending on how this thing goes, or I will continue living my dream to be a comedian.
Guest:So I look at all this other stuff.
Marc:You are living the dream.
Marc:You're huge.
Guest:I am.
Guest:You snuck in the, you're huge.
Guest:I mean, I am living the dream.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:But no, you're also a very popular comedian.
Marc:I'm doing all right.
Marc:All right, buddy.
Marc:Good seeing you.
Marc:I'm doing all right.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:That was me and Bill.
Marc:You can go to Netflix and watch that F is for Family.
Marc:Gotta love Bill Burr.
Marc:Right?
Marc:Of course you do.
Marc:So here we go.
Marc:The new year is here.
Marc:Let's look back for a minute, can we?
Marc:It's been a pretty amazing year for this show.
Marc:A lot of things happened to me and a lot of things happened on this show.
Marc:Many times they are the same thing.
Marc:I think a few of the ones that I'd like to reflect about out of the hundred or some odd ones that we've done here over the last year, I guess we do about probably about a what?
Marc:About a hundred and
Marc:for something like that per year there's been some amazing moments for me but some of the highlights as you would expect were these let's talk about the ones but they're all so many there's so many but like for me one of the great moments was uh interviewing terry gross the amazing terry gross npr's terry gross the the the sort of um
Marc:The interviewer we all aspire to, I guess if you're me, I have a tremendous amount of respect for Terry Gross.
Marc:She is the voice of what an interview sounds like.
Marc:There are Stern people and there are Terry Gross people.
Marc:And some of you are both those kind of people.
Marc:Obviously, I have not interviewed Howard Stern.
Marc:I don't know if that's a possibility, but Terry Gross is a.
Marc:the quintessential interviewer.
Marc:And there was an opportunity at that Radio Love Fest where she was asked to be, if she would do a live event, and she requested my presence as the person to interview her, which was incredibly flattering.
Marc:I was honored to do it, but it was a live situation.
Marc:And they're not always easy, but I'll tell you, it was one of the best nights of my life.
Marc:In terms of me respecting her, finding information out about her that we didn't already know as a people.
Marc:And also just being in front of 2,000 people at BAM and conducting this very intimate interview is a challenging thing.
Marc:And it couldn't have gone better.
Marc:There was a nice balance.
Marc:It was a wonderful live show.
Marc:She was amazing.
Marc:And I felt like I did a great job.
Marc:And again, I was incredibly...
Marc:Flattered and honored that she asked me.
Marc:I love her.
Marc:I love Terry Gross.
Marc:I love her even more since we had that evening together.
Marc:And obviously, Keith Richards.
Marc:Keith Richards was another amazing thing for me.
Marc:Now, I know you know that I interviewed President Barack Obama.
Marc:And we had a time in here.
Marc:We had an hour in here.
Marc:That was a hell of a day.
Marc:You can listen to the president episode if you'd like.
Marc:But a lot of people seem to really enjoy the president was here, which is episode 614.
Marc:And that was me and my producer and business partner, Brendan McDonald, talking about what led up to that.
Marc:Now, that was an amazing day.
Marc:It was a challenge for me to sit in myself and have that interview be a WTF interview.
Marc:I was not looking for a political conversation.
Marc:I was looking to connect with a human being.
Marc:And I felt that that happened.
Marc:And it was a monumental day for me.
Marc:I'd like to think for the president and certainly for the medium of podcasting.
Marc:But if I'm going to be totally candid with you.
Marc:Okay, I also interviewed Lorne Michaels.
Marc:As some of you may listen to that.
Marc:There was a lot of personal closure that I needed out of that episode.
Marc:I never assumed that that would happen.
Marc:And many of you over the years have gotten sick of me telling the story of me meeting with Lorne Michaels.
Marc:I was sick of myself telling it.
Marc:But that was a very amazing interview for me personally.
Marc:I don't know what that means, really.
Marc:But personally, it was important to me to talk to Lorne Michaels and have the experience I had with him.
Marc:And a lot of you were involved in that in terms of like you had something emotionally invested in me having that conversation and hoping that it goes well.
Marc:And it did.
Marc:And I think we all feel better for it.
Marc:It's glad that happened.
Marc:That was a hell of an interview.
Marc:Barack Obama, hell of an interview.
Marc:Lorne Michaels, hell of an interview this year.
Marc:Terry Gross, transcendent.
Marc:But back to what I was saying, if I'm going to be honest, okay, if I'm going to be honest,
Marc:Keith Richards Keith Richards wins Keith Richards Keith Richards was in my mind and in my heart since I was 13 years old and I think if you listen to that episode I don't know what you would call that I don't know if you would call it an interview I don't like using the word interview I much prefer the word talk I had a talk with that guy that was a good talk
Marc:I don't really think of myself as an interviewer.
Marc:But if you listen to me and Keith Richards, I had to do everything to keep myself from crying with excitement and joy.
Marc:And at all of them.
Marc:For me personally, as a kid, as an artist and as a grown-up, that was the one.
Marc:That was the one.
Marc:They were all amazing.
Marc:But I sat across from Keith Richards.
Marc:And we had a cigarette together.
Marc:We had a talk.
Marc:And it was phenomenal.
Marc:Never in my life would I have thought that I would hang out with Keith Richards and you guys would hear it, even if it was a little embarrassing.
Marc:But look, there's been a lot of interviews this year.
Marc:There's been a lot of amazing things happen.
Marc:And really, if someone asks me,
Marc:What's your favorite one?
Marc:What's this or that?
Marc:I don't really have them because they're all different.
Marc:They're all unique.
Marc:I mentioned those four because they were sort of amazing life achievements for me.
Marc:Amazing experiences that I never thought would happen.
Marc:But but all of the interviews, there's very rarely any.
Marc:That I don't come away with something amazing.
Marc:Something changes in me.
Marc:I learn something.
Marc:I feel something.
Marc:I have a human experience I would never have had before.
Marc:There's so many that are amazing.
Marc:And we put together...
Marc:A bit of a montage here.
Marc:And these are just these are just moments with people like Melanie Linsky, who I love and who I loved on screen.
Marc:And I never I never thought I'd get to talk to Melanie Linsky.
Marc:That was amazing.
Marc:Paul Thomas Anderson.
Marc:Nobody talks to Paul Thomas Anderson.
Marc:Another amazing person.
Marc:experience that day David Byrne are you fucking kidding me I was so nervous before David Byrne Kurt Metzger a buddy of mine a comic had one of the great interviews this year that I thought was uh you know powerful educational intense funny Mike Watt are you fucking kidding me Mike Watt I had no idea what it'd be like to talk to that guy it was like talking to a man from another planet a good planet Laura Jane Grace
Marc:the punk rocker transgender person and i was you know awkward but we worked through a lot of stuff her and i sir ian mckellen come on wyatt sinek that was a monumental interview james taylor there's so those are i'll throw together some clips of those people but you know i can't it's a very hard thing for me to do
Marc:They're just all so amazing to me.
Marc:I don't know if I could live if I didn't get to talk to people twice a week in this garage.
Marc:It's become more than a show.
Marc:It's become more than a business.
Marc:It always was.
Marc:When it comes right down to it, every year, every time I got to walk out here and talk to somebody, I usually don't know.
Marc:I may have an idea of...
Marc:I don't know what's going to happen.
Marc:I'm not really that prepared.
Marc:And I'm not just saying that as some sort of cute thing that I say.
Marc:Yeah, Maren's never prepared.
Marc:I try not to fucking prepare because I want to have a good talk.
Marc:I want to have a connected talk.
Marc:And it's like it's not like therapy.
Marc:It's just good for the soul to have a conversation.
Marc:Maybe you should do that.
Marc:this new year's take a little time to just sit down and maybe spend an hour with someone in your family just say i'm gonna i'm gonna take an hour and i'm gonna talk to this person i've known all my life but i really don't know anything about or i'm gonna talk to this person that interests me that i really don't know anything about i see them every day feel it
Marc:I'm not just doing this for a job.
Marc:If I don't talk to somebody for an hour or so, at least once or twice a week, I start to get squirrely and lost and disconnected from being a human.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Listen to this.
Marc:... ...
Marc:Well, you've got some grandkids, right?
Marc:You've got five.
Marc:Five.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Do you love hanging out with them?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah, it's worth hanging around to be a granddad, you know?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Did you ever think you would?
Guest:I mean, it's... At certain times, no.
Guest:But here I am, and there's five grandkids, and they're...
Guest:And it's another thing.
Guest:It takes you on another level.
Guest:It's one thing being a father, which is fun enough.
Guest:You had a couple shots at that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Two sets.
Guest:Yeah, two sets of that.
Guest:And out they come.
Guest:But they're great little kids.
Guest:What, do they have a name for you?
Marc:Just grandpa or granddad or what do they call you?
Marc:Grandpa.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Him.
Marc:Him.
Guest:I was bulimic for 10 years.
Guest:And I was never like a bingey bulimic because I was too ashamed to ever like binge eat.
Guest:I'd never...
Guest:But I had such a strict diet, and then if I ate anything over it, then I would get rid of it.
Guest:And I just was obsessive about my eating.
Guest:And I got in a relationship when I was 21, and I really opened up to this person, and he said to me, that's so violent.
Guest:What a violent thing to do to yourself.
Guest:And I never really had thought about it.
Guest:I remember when I was 12 years old and I read about it, I was like, oh, great idea.
Guest:That's awesome.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And my body was changing and I was freaking out because suddenly I had hips and breasts and stuff like that.
Guest:And I was like, oh, God, help me.
Guest:It's just going to get worse.
Guest:There's more fat bits that I have to worry about.
Guest:Fuck.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so I was trying to control it.
Guest:And this boyfriend that I had was just like, God, that's so... And then he started crying.
Guest:And he was like, that breaks my heart that you would do that to yourself.
Guest:It breaks my heart that you can't eat, experience something delicious.
Guest:We'd go out to dinner and I would have a salad with no dressing.
Guest:That's all I would ever eat.
Yeah.
Guest:i still had a lot of feelings about my body but it just sort of got better and better i don't know sometimes i look at myself and i'm like oh that's kind of sexy yeah it's all round and you know bouncy it's like what's wrong with that i don't know why i was denying that for so long i want you know i was so excited to be able to see all my ribs really not everyone's supposed to look like that those women are beautiful and
Guest:It's beautiful when everyone looks different.
Marc:So you worked with Philip Seymour Hoffman in all three of those first movies?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:All the way through?
Guest:We did five movies, I think.
Marc:So you guys came up together, really.
Marc:Where'd you first meet him?
Guest:Yeah, when he'd started before me,
Guest:He'd been around... You know, by starting out, we all kind of started out together.
Guest:It was Riley or Phil, but they had a little bit more of a resume underneath them.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Which was really helpful.
Guest:Even if they made four or five films, that was more than I'd done.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So when we were starting out, you know, they had my back and they were really helpful just in...
Guest:you know from like that's where craft service is to you know the simplest things through just just having a few movies under your belt makes makes a big difference sure but you know phil was like you know he maybe had a long list of kind of not so great movies but he would always be the best thing in it you know so you just liked him
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, early on.
Marc:I mean, obviously, as time went on.
Marc:But as an actor, you thought when you cast him in Heart 8 and in Boogie Nights, you were like, you know, this guy's it.
Guest:I thought that when I saw him for the first time in Scent of a Woman, that I just knew what true love was.
Guest:I knew what love at first sight was.
Guest:And it was the strangest feeling sitting in a movie theater thinking...
Guest:uh he's for me and i'm for him you know and that was it really yeah strange but that's and believe me when i was a kid i was you sort of draw out like you know yourself you know like movie cameras and sets just like eight nine years old and nowhere in it did i draw anything that looked like him you know i always thought like i'd have like carrie grant would be in my movie harrison ford right but something happened when i saw him
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:When you say you don't have a nostalgic bone in your body, what does that mean, really?
Guest:I don't look back as like, oh, that was a golden age, or things were better when New York was shittier.
Guest:Not at all.
Guest:You don't do that.
Guest:No, I don't do that.
Guest:I mean, you can look at certain things and go, that was a good aspect at a certain time, but I don't look at it, oh, things were better then.
Marc:When you think of the talking heads, does it just feel far away?
Guest:No, no.
Guest:It feels, yeah, a little bit.
Guest:I mean, it feels like, oh, that was something I did at that point in my life.
Guest:I'm aware that certainly a certain generation knows more of that stuff than they know what I've done in the last 10 years.
Guest:But it depends.
Guest:There's other people who know what I did before.
Guest:recently more than they know the old stuff it was kind of like oh you did you were in a band before this and um oh really there's a little bit not that much but there's a little bit what do you say to that you're like yeah that thing yeah yeah it was a thing and uh it was yeah it was pretty popular for a while what did you realize at that time that many people don't even realize now
Guest:I wanted interesting work.
Guest:I wanted to fall in love with work, and I wanted to fall in love with a person.
Guest:I'm lucky I had both.
Guest:Was your husband your first love?
Guest:Um, now that I really know what love is, I'd say, yes.
Guest:But, but... What was the other thing?
Guest:Well... I mean, I... I mean, I... Oh, this gets really personal.
Guest:I mean, I was married before, and... For how long?
Guest:A short time.
Guest:And we were very close, and it was...
Guest:It was a year maybe a year.
Guest:I don't write how it was a very close relationship and relax a little bit and It makes me nervous to talk about how old were you?
Guest:I was very young.
Guest:We were still in college.
Guest:Did your parents know about that?
Guest:Yeah, they did.
Guest:They were okay with it.
I
Guest:Uh, they were okay, as okay as parents were at the time.
Guest:My parents weren't okay with anything I was doing then.
Guest:I dropped out of high school and hitchhiked cross country with him before we were married.
Guest:Whoa, what?
Guest:So, all right, so this is before you went to college?
Guest:This is while we were in college.
Guest:You dropped out of high school.
Guest:In my sophomore year, instead of going to college, we hitchhiked cross country.
Guest:You and this guy?
Guest:Me and this guy.
Guest:Where's this guy now?
Guest:In New York.
Guest:Oh, you know him still?
Guest:We haven't been in touch in a long time, but... Okay.
Guest:Well, surprise, we happen to have him.
No, he's...
Guest:No, he's a wonderful person.
Guest:I mean, I have nothing but, he's really a wonderful person.
Guest:I know, I'm just like, you have to understand that, like, you know, a lot of us have created a life for you, Terry, and this is all, this is exciting information.
Guest:This is what we're, you know, we can be funny and just brush over stuff all night long, but this is exciting stuff to me.
Guest:And then my mom converted at 18 because she was a disillusioned Catholic.
Guest:And so she found Jehovah's Witnesses, which I think really kind of satisfied whatever needs she had.
Marc:What needs are those?
Marc:How did they just hold?
Marc:I don't understand what they do.
Marc:Like in terms of Catholicism, was Catholicism too abstract or too vague or too complicated?
Guest:Probably all that.
Guest:Probably all that.
Marc:She wasn't finding the relief from going into the booth?
Yeah.
Marc:I'd probably all that.
Marc:That's probably a good way to put it.
Guest:The guy behind the screen is not helping me.
Guest:The wizard is not helping me.
Guest:This glory hole forgiveness is not helping me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I think she wanted the more personalized Protestant God over the ethnic pagan fucking thing that she was doing.
Marc:But isn't the Jehovah's Witnesses like the no dancing troupe?
Marc:No, no, no.
Guest:That's Footloose, you're thinking of.
Guest:I believe that's the footloose church that you know Jehovah's Witnesses is like it's an it's actually used to be no holidays well not not most of them right the ones that are considered pagan which would be like Christmas okay but you can you can dance
Guest:Yes, you can dance but uh, you know they have their own peculiarity like we didn't believe in an immortal soul for example They believe we believed in a resurrection Okay, like at the end times or whatever if people will be rate brought back to life and you'll live in the in the Garden of Eden again They have a show that depicts that now.
Marc:What is it walking dead?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Well, yeah.
Guest:I guess Christ wasn't really a zombie until his 30s, right?
Guest:I got to tell you, when I was laying there with the fevers, there was no clunk.
Guest:It was just delirium, delirium, delirium.
Guest:I was like...
Guest:In those kind of situations, you got to really pull it together, I think, because it's like, why not end the hurt and let go?
Guest:But on the other hand, I had all these things.
Guest:See, that's the thing.
Guest:When a hurt, a sickness comes down on you, you think you got enough time, but it just makes you so weak.
Guest:You might not.
Guest:Yeah, you don't have time.
Guest:But I just said, fuck it.
Guest:I got a lot of work.
Guest:I can't go now.
Guest:And then also, the difference with this intern, Doc Hopkins.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I put him in the opera, in fact.
Guest:Because they all got their theories.
Guest:They got only one real doctor.
Guest:But you got a hole in your tank.
Guest:I know, but they got theories.
Guest:Some dudes think it's flesh-eating bacteria.
Guest:Some dudes think it's gangrene.
Guest:Doc Hopkins, he says, I think you got the mother of all abscesses.
Guest:I think this might have started from an ingrown fucking hair that should have been lanced.
Guest:No shit.
Guest:Holy fuck.
Guest:And you know the way County was in those days, all these people, it's enough for the money, all these people from all the world come there to get experience.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:So you're there because they want to.
Guest:Right.
Guest:They ain't punching a claw.
Guest:It's like in the music racket.
Guest:Some cats who win the lottery, the last thing they want to talk about is music.
Guest:Right, right.
Guest:Notice when cats are first into it, a big higher percentage if they really want to do it.
Guest:Yeah.
Right.
Guest:It's a human thing.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I ain't against doctors.
Guest:Like I said, this cat saved my life.
Marc:What has it been, two years?
Guest:2012 is when I came out.
Marc:So three years?
Marc:2013, I don't even remember.
Marc:But since you've actively been doing the therapies to transition, it's been like three years?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like now that you've sort of started this thing, are you like, okay, or are you looking to do more?
Guest:I feel like that I have a much better understanding of what I need and what makes me feel right than I did three years ago.
Guest:Certainly more than I did 10 years ago, 20 years ago.
Guest:But I feel like that in another three years, another four years, another five years, I will even have an even better understanding of who I am and what I need.
Guest:I don't think that that's something that you can ever fully feel like complete with or anything like that.
Guest:Really?
Guest:At least for me.
Marc:Huh.
Guest:Okay.
Okay.
Guest:I am an existentialist, you know, and I, like, I oftentimes feel locked in thinking about things and thinking about the bigger picture of things and what certain things mean.
Guest:And, you know, I don't know how to reconcile with my life beyond where my tour dates end.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And, and that that's like, I live a really weird life.
Marc:I know, but like, well, what if you were to quiet it down?
Marc:I mean, what do you, like, I, like, see, like I'm a guy, I'm a recovery guy.
Marc:So I, I haven't done shit in like 15, 16 years, you know, that, that was my problem.
Guest:Right.
Marc:But do I feel whole and complete all the time?
Marc:No, I feel better about myself.
Marc:I feel comfortable in my skin, but there's still something like, you know, what does it all mean?
Marc:What's the fucking point?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So, you know, that hasn't gone away.
Guest:No, I very much still have that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's there.
Guest:I don't want that to go away in a way, you know?
Marc:I know.
Marc:I think that's healthy.
Marc:Sure it is.
Marc:Yeah, but you should have some peace of mind.
Marc:yeah i mean it's a trip you know like and like i can't imagine i didn't mean to cut you off but i can't imagine that like it took me like you know years like i don't think i arrived in my body uh until maybe five or six years ago just you know when i started to get successful and feel like that i'd worked very hard all my life to do something i did it was a self-esteem problem sure you know and it just it sort of happened organically but i felt it happen
Marc:So I imagine on some level that, you know, you taking this, you know, making this transition has given you some of that.
Marc:I mean, your self-esteem must be better and your comfort level.
Marc:A hundred percent.
Guest:A hundred percent.
Guest:My problems now, I guess, are more just like normal problems of like, oh, I'm going through another divorce, you know?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, I got to deal with the fact that like I work and I travel and I have a kid.
Guest:And how do I balance like traveling life with having a kid and being able to be a part of my kid's life when I'm not necessarily getting along with the mother?
Guest:You know, like those are just like the realities of life that everyone has.
Guest:Those are minimal problems to what other people's problems are.
Guest:I'm going to give you a bit of Shakespeare.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I'm going to give you a little present.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:The leading character is called Thomas More.
Guest:and Thomas More is a lawyer and he's sent out by the authorities to put down a riot that's happening in the middle of London and the riot is all about the strangers
Guest:And then it's immigrants.
Guest:People eat food, smells different, they look different, wear different clothes, different language, and better send them back wherever they came from.
Guest:And this is how it goes.
Guest:So someone in the crowd shouts that the strangers should be removed.
Guest:And Thomas More says, grant them removed.
Guest:And grant that this your noise hath chid down all the majesty of England.
Guest:Imagine that you see the wretched strangers, their babies at their backs, and at their poor luggage plodding to the ports and coasts for transportation, and that you sit as kings in your desires, authority quite silenced by your brawl, and you in rough of your opinions clothed.
Guest:What had you got?
Guest:I'll tell you, you had taught how insolence and strong hands should prevail, how order should be quelled.
Guest:And by this pattern, not one of you should live an aged man, for other ruffians, as their fancies wrought, with self-same hand, self-reasoned and self-right, would shark on you, and men like ravenous fishes feed on one another.
Guest:Oh, desperate as you are, wash your foul minds with tears, and those same hands that you, like rebels, lift against the peace, lift up for peace.
Guest:And your unreverent knees make them your feet to kneel to be forgiven.
Guest:You'll put down strangers, kill them, cut their throats, and lead the majesty of law in Lyme to slip him like a hound.
Guest:Say, now, the king, as he is clement, if the offender mourn, should so much come too short of your great trespass as but to banish you, whither would you go?
Guest:What country, by the nature of your error, should give you harbour?
Guest:Go you to France, or Flanders, to any German province, Spain, or Portugal, no, anywhere that not adheres to England?
Guest:Why, you must needs be strangers.
Guest:Would you be pleased to find a nation of such barbarous temper that breaking out in hideous violence would not afford you an abode on earth?
Guest:Whet their detested knives against your throat.
Guest:Spurn you like dogs, and like as if that God owned not nor made not you, nor that the elements were not all appropriate to your comfort, but chartered unto them.
Guest:What would you think to be thus used?
Guest:This is the stranger's case.
Guest:And this your mountainish inhumanity.
Marc:That's amazing.
Guest:And he said, you know, I'd love for you to be at the last show because you helped to build this thing.
Guest:And so I was like, I appreciate that.
Guest:And, you know, I still don't know if I'm going to show up.
Guest:When is it?
Guest:August 6th.
Guest:so you should just go probably yeah but it's also one of those things where it's I don't really I don't really get into the emotion of that stuff I don't I don't like the pomp and circumstance doesn't really I get you I get you but you know but do it for the people
Guest:yeah that's uh yeah i suppose that's uh see i don't i don't have that connection to an audience the way that you do where it's like you know you're sending them books and doing all that stuff but you don't know you do but i mean to the people that love that show may have watched every day oh sure sure sure so you know whether you whether you think you have that connection or not they're gonna be like there's why it
Guest:right right but i think it's just i'm such a i'm i'm such a sort of anti-mushy person that it's like even if like if somebody's like there's wyatt i'm like oh yeah but dude if i can learn how to take a little of the love in you you know and i was a tough nut to crack you can you can take a little of the love
Marc:I guess, yeah.
Marc:Steve Higgins was there.
Marc:I walk in and you said, how was Conan last night?
Marc:Did they laugh?
Marc:Did they laugh at you?
Marc:It's better when they laugh.
Marc:And that was nice.
Marc:It was nice.
Marc:I was scared.
Marc:And you'd done Conan the night before.
Marc:And then I sat down and then you used a zoo analogy for comedians.
Guest:Have you used that before?
Guest:Monkeys and all that.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So that's a regular thing.
Guest:No, it wasn't a regular thing.
Guest:It was just my sort of beginning to piece together where comedians stood in Hollywood.
Marc:Right.
Marc:The lions are scary.
Guest:When you go to the zoo, the first thing you want to see is the lion because the lion is the king of the jungle and it's regal.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And the second thing you want to see are the bears because they're the strongest and the fastest.
Guest:And the third, you want to see the monkeys because they're funny and occasionally one of them jerks off.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And what I said, I don't think you had added the jerk offline yet.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Marc:Because I said, as long as they're not throwing their shit at you.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Got nothing.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Got no laugh from you.
Guest:Well, I would have gone softer, as you saw.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:And Steve Higgins was like, mm.
Marc:It's not going well already.
Guest:And did you know Steve before?
Marc:Kind of.
Marc:I met him once or twice.
Guest:Like on the scene.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And then you just looked at me for a little while.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:And Steve actually went, Lauren, and you said, it's important to look in someone's eyes.
Marc:You can see a lot in someone's eyes.
Marc:And then I was trying to exude some star quality of some kind.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Which was not successful.
Marc:God, you really remember this.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, I remember it.
Marc:And then in my recollection, there was a smaller bowl of candy.
Marc:And yeah, that's the Tootsie Roll one.
Marc:But it's a Jolly Rancher in my mind.
Guest:No, it would have been Tootsie Rolls.
Guest:Well, I remember I took one.
Marc:And at that moment, you shot a look at Steve.
Marc:And I thought I'd failed the candy test.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:No, no.
Guest:There was no alternative candy.
Guest:There was just the one.
Guest:There was popcorn probably there or there.
Guest:No, I didn't get popcorn.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I had a motorcycle accident.
Guest:It broke both my hands and both my feet.
Guest:Jesus Christ.
Guest:So I was in, you know, I missed Woodstock.
Guest:I was in plaster.
Marc:Where'd you go back to?
Marc:Chapel Hill?
Guest:i went to martha's vineyard which is where i was living at the time after i got out of uh you know rehab i i went to the vineyard because that's what i knew so before sweet baby james you couldn't use your hands or your feet that's right and and i think that period of time really allowed me to finish some songs you know yeah get the lyrics yeah and uh so that when we went into the studio to make sweet baby james we we had everything yeah we had it was all ready to go and
Marc:You'd really thought about them.
Guest:And we had this great band.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And we knocked it out fast.
Guest:And then Fire and Rain took off.
Guest:And we hit the road.
Guest:And that's where I stayed.
Marc:That's a great feeling, man.
Marc:Fire and Rain was a huge song.
Guest:It was.
Guest:It was amazing.
Guest:It's a painful song.
Guest:You know, in a way, but I think it's not painful to listen to.
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:I mean, there's a transcendent spirit to it.
Guest:For some people it is, I'm sure.
Marc:Well, yeah, it's one of those songs that can be played at a wedding or a funeral.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:I do.
Marc:I was walking around, you know, talking to my neighbors.
Marc:People were out in the streets, like the 4th of July around here.
Marc:And then at 7 o'clock you came, and then the Secret Service started to come.
Marc:And we were told that, you know, he's going to fly from Santa Monica in a chopper to the Rose Bowl.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:And which was a good thing to do.
Marc:Because like if he chose to drive the motorcade all through Los Angeles, it would have stopped everything.
Marc:You were already being called out by name on the radio.
Marc:Yeah, Marin caused a traffic jam talking to the president.
Marc:And I felt kind of bad about that.
Marc:And I was apologetic to my neighbors.
Marc:But everybody around here was very excited that the president was coming.
Marc:But the countdown begins.
Marc:You know, I'm going over the notes.
Marc:We're setting things up.
Marc:We're trying to cool the place down.
Marc:Secret Service is doing their things.
Marc:It was wild when all the Secret Service was here.
Marc:And then like an hour or so after they all showed up, the two snipers come.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like, I don't know if they came in a special car, but I just saw two dudes walk up and I'm like, those are the guys.
Guest:Yeah, one of those guys was the guy who was on the roof the other day, on the roof of this garage.
Guest:And yeah, there were two of them.
Marc:So my restroom was the only restroom for all the Secret Service, which I always feel bad about because the door is broken.
Guest:Yeah, that sniper brought all his gear into your bathroom.
Marc:Oh, no, the gun and everything went right in with him.
Marc:Not going to lose that thing.
Guest:What I've always been impressed about when I listen to comics talk about comedy is how much of it is a craft, right?
Guest:And they're thinking it through, and it's...
Guest:and they have a sense of when it works and when it doesn't.
Guest:And then the longer you do it, the better your instincts are.
Marc:Same with president.
Guest:Yeah, same with president.
Guest:And also, I guess the last thing is you lose fear.
Marc:That's right.
Guest:I was talking to somebody the other day about why I actually think I'm—
Guest:I'm a better president and would be a better candidate if I were running again than I ever have been.
Guest:And it's sort of like an athlete.
Guest:You might slow down a little bit.
Guest:You might not jump as high as you used to.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I know what I'm doing and I'm fearless.
Marc:For real.
Marc:You're not pretending to be fearless.
Guest:You're not pretending to be fearless.
Guest:That's exactly right.
Guest:And when you get to that point.
Guest:Freedom.
Guest:Then, you know, and also part of that fearlessness is because you've screwed up enough times.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:That, you know, that.
Guest:It's all happened.
Guest:It's all happened.
Guest:I've been through this.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I've screwed up.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I've been in the barrel tumbling down Niagara Falls.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I emerged and I lived.
Guest:And that's always a.
Guest:That's such a liberating feeling.
Guest:Absolutely.
Guest:Right?
Guest:It's one of the benefits of age.
Guest:It almost compensates for the fact that I can't play basketball anymore.
Marc:Well, good.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, thanks.
Marc:It was great to talk to you.
Marc:Are we good?
Marc:We're good?
Marc:That was fun.
Marc:I appreciate it, Mr. President.
Marc:It was great.
Marc:All right, man.
Marc:That's it, folks.
Marc:Happy New Year.
Marc:Be safe.
Marc:I should tell you the remixes of my guitar riffs were done by DJ Copley and Paul Buck.
Marc:They've been doing these for us all year.
Marc:Check out DJ at WebPuppy45 on Twitter and Paul at PaulBuckMusic on Facebook.
Marc:Our theme music, as always, is by John Montagna.
Marc:Check him out at JohnMon on Twitter, J-O-N-M-O-N.
Marc:Seriously, let's try to get through another year together.
Marc:We can do it.
Marc:Also, just remember, you're probably not as bad as you think you are.
Thank you.
Guest:Boomer lives!