Episode 51 - Glenn Wool / Sam Seder
Guest 2:Lock the gates!
Marc:Are we doing this?
Marc:Really?
Marc:Wait for it.
Marc:Are we doing this?
Marc:Wait for it.
Marc:Pow!
Marc:What the fuck?
Marc:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Marc:What's wrong with me?
Marc:It's time for WTF!
Guest 1:What the fuck?
Guest 1:With Mark Maron.
Marc:Okay, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuckineers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:Whatever the fuck you want to talk about or call yourself, not talk about.
Marc:I kind of know what I want to talk about.
Marc:Thank you for listening.
Marc:I am Mark Maron.
Marc:This is WTF.
Marc:Thank you for all your emails.
Marc:I am putting together an email show as we speak because I got a lot of them.
Marc:And a lot of them are very engaging, very sincere, some slightly disturbing.
Marc:A few of them are funny.
Marc:I'm looking forward to putting that together so you can look forward to that too.
Marc:I am coming to you right now from New York City.
Marc:I'm in New York City for the week.
Marc:I came back specifically to do some WTF business and to do some New York business.
Marc:I came by myself.
Marc:I'm now in a radio studio.
Marc:Which I got to be honest with you, a little better than my garage.
Marc:It's a little better than the Cat Ranch garage.
Marc:I've got there's mic booms.
Marc:There's things hanging.
Marc:There are clocks.
Marc:There are several computers.
Marc:Brendan is here.
Marc:It's just like I have a real job again.
Marc:Only I don't.
Marc:I'm still just doing the podcast from New York City.
Marc:So I get here.
Marc:Here's the deal.
Marc:here's where i am at my life i'm i'm cutting corners uh economically financially i don't know how you want to call it i'm trying to save money so i didn't get a hotel usually i try to find a cheap hotel on hotels.com or whatever and try to find one in new york which is hard so a friend of a friend owns a building in astoria so i rented a basement apartment for a week in astoria where
Marc:Where I still have an apartment that I'm subletting but can't live in.
Marc:Fine.
Marc:So I figure, basement apartment, how bad could it be?
Marc:And you know what?
Marc:It's pretty bad, but I don't care because it's like a vacation to me.
Marc:I don't know what's going on with me in my life or why this is not...
Marc:Like at another point in my life, if I was in a basement apartment in Astoria on my visit to New York, there would be no way I wouldn't see that as a reflection of my place in the world.
Marc:Like, why am I sitting among other people's storage in a basement?
Marc:with a shower that leaks and there's a washing machine and dryer there that doesn't work.
Marc:There's no TV.
Marc:And again, I'm in Astoria, Queens.
Marc:How does this not mean that my life has crashed, has come to some sort of screaming halt?
Marc:But no, that's not how I felt at all.
Marc:I was like, this is like a Zen retreat.
Marc:I have no TV and the shower leaks and I can just sit here in the basement, plinking away on my computer, listening to the drip, drip, drip in the shower and find great solace in it.
Marc:Great universal connection.
Marc:Just a peace of mind.
Marc:Man, I'm selling this hard to myself.
Marc:It's fucking depressing, but I do know a story and it is good to be back in New York.
Marc:And then the blizzard came and I don't care what anybody says.
Marc:I left New York at just the right time, right before winter.
Marc:So I come back.
Marc:Hey, there's a blizzard for three days.
Marc:I like snow.
Marc:I was so happy to see the snow and everybody around me was miserable, but I was happy.
Marc:And I did some New York things alone.
Marc:I'm doing it alone.
Marc:And again, in another point in my life, it would have been an indication of utter sadness and defeat, but it was not.
Marc:I went to my dentist.
Marc:That was fun.
Marc:I went to my dentist because I have a fear that my gums are receding to the point where I'm going to have a mouth that looks like a skeleton or some sort of a Day of the Dead poster.
Marc:But apparently things are not as bad as I thought.
Marc:And he found, like, I had a problem with one of my teeth.
Marc:So he said, you know, maybe we should put a filling in that.
Marc:And my dentist is sort of an unusual guy.
Marc:Not a lot of personality.
Marc:Not a great sense of humor.
Marc:And a little sexually ambiguous.
Marc:Like, I spend a lot of time at my dentist wondering whether or not he's gay.
Marc:Not that it would matter to me.
Marc:But, you know, those people where you're like, he's got to be.
Marc:Maybe he's not.
Marc:You're looking for rings.
Marc:You're looking for some indication, not, you know, not cock rings.
Marc:But I mean, you're looking for a wedding ring.
Marc:You're looking for any sort of like you're trying to parse their language to to see if they're gay.
Marc:Just it's just something to do as opposed to pay attention to the fact that he's you know what they do now.
Marc:You remember when you go to the dentist and they'd scrape your teeth with that thing and they'd scrape them clean and just scrape, scrape, scrape.
Marc:And then they'd floss and they'd make you bleed all the time.
Marc:They'd run that horrendous metal instrument along the line of your gums.
Marc:Now they sandblast your teeth.
Marc:Did you know that?
Marc:Does your guy do that, Brendan?
Marc:No, I still get the medieval butchery.
Marc:Are you serious?
Marc:No, they got this new machine where literally they fill it with like a grit, like a grain of some sort of gritty thing.
Marc:And they literally, they sandblast your teeth.
Marc:And it was it was beautiful.
Marc:And then they do a very tight water stream.
Marc:None of that bleeding and that that shit.
Marc:It was spectacular.
Marc:So so now I got this like one of my teeth fell off.
Marc:So a piece fell off.
Marc:And my doctor, my sexually ambiguous dentist said, maybe we should put a filling in that or you need a filling.
Marc:And I'm like, well, can you do it now?
Marc:He says, why don't you come back in an hour and a half?
Marc:And I'm like, great.
Marc:So I went to the Carnegie Deli.
Marc:And there's nothing a dentist really appreciates more.
Marc:I had a brisket sandwich with garlic pickles, sour pickles, sour tomatoes.
Marc:And I ate that.
Marc:And I came in with half the sandwich still left.
Marc:So I walk in with the smell of garlic and brisket and pickles that I put in the closet at the dentist's office.
Marc:Then I go in to get my filling with the history of the Jewish people on my breath.
Marc:And he didn't flinch.
Marc:I guess he's seen worse.
Marc:Filled the tooth.
Marc:I got out and went about my day.
Marc:So that's been my trip to New York.
Marc:This episode...
Marc:I am having an international act.
Marc:Can I call it that?
Marc:I don't know if I can call it that, but I met Glenn Wool in Edinburgh, Scotland, where I was for a month during one of the darker periods of my life.
Marc:I was there alone in a flat, recently separated.
Marc:I was miserable.
Marc:30 days, small audiences.
Marc:I was at the bottom of whatever my sense of self is.
Marc:and glenn wool was uh was there and i met him he was doing a one-person show and he's originally canadian but has spent the last decade working in england and he's very funny he's very a little abstract a very decent guy a raconteur and uh he's coming to the garage so i hope you enjoy my interview with glenn wool
Guest 3:You said bitterness is the punch drunk of comedy?
Guest 1:Yeah, man.
Guest 1:Yeah, they'll let you come down and train, but it's sad to watch.
Guest 1:We just did that a second time, too.
Guest 1:Get up on it.
Guest 1:We've done that two times, because I said that, and it was just as the mic was firing up.
Marc:Yeah, I'm just getting level set.
Marc:We'll see if that works.
Marc:Well, I like the analogy of that, the analogy of...
Marc:that the bitter guy's like oh yeah there he is still at it look at him go you know he used to have something too he really could he could land one every once in a while yeah yeah no you can see he's still all right on the bag but watch him put his stuff away it's real slow no no that's your hat john that's your that's your hat oh
Guest 1:let him go let him let him go with it like shouldn't we help him it would have been 10 years ago and we would have the only way we could have helped him was stopping that fight in the third that's what he needs so we just got to let him go huh yeah all right don't let him drive yeah no coffee for someone ought to call him i've always thought that bitterness was amplified self-pity
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:You know, there's a pride to it, because that's coming from a guy who I was prematurely bitter.
Marc:I was diagnosed with premature bitterness.
Guest 1:Right in high school.
Marc:Yeah, in high school, early diagnosis, thank God, and they tried a lot of medications.
Marc:I tried a lot of medications.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:That just didn't work.
Marc:And eventually I just had to realize that, wow, maybe things aren't going to turn out exactly how I wanted to.
Marc:And perhaps maybe I should lower my expectations and realize my limitations and work within them and try to have a little humility and be a decent person.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:I do what I can.
Guest 1:It's about control.
Marc:It is.
Marc:It's all about control.
Marc:But the bitter guys are the ones who think they're in control.
Marc:They're just tightly wrapped and they're explosive.
Marc:If that's what control looks like.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:How do you see it as control?
Guest 1:uh well well that's that's where it comes from they're control freaks in the first place right and uh then uh you know life doesn't start working exactly as they need it to work for you know for them to be who they are in their own head which is it's always amplified right to who they actually are right that's that's true i think it is about control but you know what's interesting about that i'm talking to glenn wool by the way is uh
Marc:is in my garage here at the Cat Ranch overlooking the barrio in Highland Park, California.
Marc:He's the first to smoke in the garage, which I find enchanting.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Because as an ex-smoker, I welcome it.
Guest 1:Yeah, it's helping with the gum.
Marc:Yeah, I got the nicotine gum.
Marc:I actually took the nicotine gum, and I said, won't you enjoy a little contact buzz?
Yes.
Marc:You know, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Marc:But it's nice because it kind of, I think there's a slight hint of cat pee in here.
Marc:But it's hard for me to know because I think I actually have cat pee in my nose that's always there from all the cats.
Guest 1:Well, yeah.
Guest 1:If you can smell it, then it's really bad.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:But maybe I'm wrong, but the cigarettes do smell nice.
Marc:But we were talking about bitterness, and then we went to, oh, the control freak.
Marc:The thing about people that are that way, that are bitter, and they're tightly wrapped, is eventually they become one of God's clowns.
Marc:Because they think that they've got everything under control, and they're keeping everything real close.
Marc:And those are always the kind of people that spill coffee on themselves.
Marc:Birds will shit on those people.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Have you noticed that?
Guest 1:Oh, yeah.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:It's just a comedy of errors because it's sort of like, you know, lighten the fuck up.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:And people who know them will come from miles around if they're aware that they have a flat tire.
Guest 1:I got to see this.
Guest 1:Oh, man.
Guest 1:oh and the aa's taking a little while to get there whoa that's right just watch him spin around yeah why don't they have a police helicopter going around taping people like that just people that are uncomfortable or stranded we do not actually know what those police police helicopters are doing no they could be very well that it's all just for the big christmas party at the end of the year watch watch this guy
Marc:Who knows?
Marc:All I know is when I hear him around here in this neighborhood, I always wonder, like, is there a guy in my garage?
Marc:Is he hiding down the hill from me?
Marc:Whoever they're chasing, if they're looking for him around here because it's sort of wooded up here, I'm like, I might have a guest in the house.
Guest 1:Exactly.
Marc:Get the legs fired up.
Marc:Let's do a podcast, and then he can take the guitars.
Marc:Put the gun down.
Marc:I just want to get this on tape.
Marc:So now you I met you in Sydney right now in Edinburgh in Edinburgh, Scotland, during a very miserable time in my life in the middle of a separation and quite heartbroken and stranded there in Edinburgh doing a show about that situation to very small audiences.
Marc:And you were sort of a beacon of light there.
Marc:Because I went to see your show that I remember was very funny and opened with a very rapid montage of mustaches.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Not unlike your own.
Marc:There's many mustaches.
Marc:It didn't have a lot to do with the rest of the show, but the mustache montage was definitely worth the mustache plug.
Marc:Was the title of the show something to do with mustaches?
Guest 1:uh that one i think was promises promises and no i don't think it had uh but there was a mustache montage oh yeah yeah and it's it's uh now up on uh youtube and i don't know who put it there under what glenn wool yeah okay so if you want to see the mustache montage uh that's there now let me ask you quite honestly
Marc:In Edinburgh, it seems that the idea of the one person show is really, for most comedians, a way to label their hour of stand up and loosely, if at all, theme it in order for it to be presented as a one person show.
Marc:yeah well uh in many occasions they ask you to name the show before uh it's written so at least you got a starting point yeah you just be sitting there going i'm gonna call it uh wings over my ass yeah yeah and then you got three months to create wings over your ass try and link it every little uh bit of uh the callback can be just so you move your hands like you're flying yeah and they make a fart sound yeah every 15 or 20 minutes
Marc:and then it juts up at the fart yeah like a little feather here we go and everyone's like that's his hook wings over his ass it's wonderful but i i remember i was uh you know complaining to you about this or that and and you were at that time where uh you're having quite a good time throwing a few back yeah doing a little uh doing a little drugs here and there uh occasionally occasionally but you were married then right how'd that pan out
Guest 1:Not good.
Guest 1:Well, or fantastically good from the situation that we were in.
Guest 1:I mean, I think I've told you about this before, but there was a point when I was on the phone with me and my wife.
Guest 1:We weren't separated at the time, but I mean, we might as well.
Guest 1:It should have been or could have been, but I was away from the house anyway, but we weren't speaking for a couple weeks because some reviews had come out saying that
Guest 1:i was talking about our marital troubles on stage uh but i i always thought it was in sort of a i was i was the one making the mistakes and right i i've done that yeah sure yeah yeah so she and and i had told her that look i don't read reviews nor should you uh because that's not they're not written by me right right and uh and then what happened
Guest 1:Well, she was very upset.
Guest 1:We didn't talk for two weeks.
Guest 1:And then we finally were in communication.
Guest 1:I was on the phone with her just out front of the venue that we were both in.
Guest 2:That's when I ran into you.
Guest 1:That's right.
Guest 1:Right then.
Guest 1:That was the point where I think we both knew that our marriage was over.
Guest 1:and uh and uh you know then and there's no amount of drugs or or booze that that can make that situation any better and but you know like i was just just it it was a real sort of uh crucial point in my life and then you just came up and went hey man how's it going yeah i'm here to help
Marc:That's right, that's right, because I didn't know you, but I met you once, and then you were like, ugh.
Marc:And you just saw that depleted kind of moment of like, I just had one of those fucking conversations.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:And that was it.
Guest 1:Yeah, that was the very moment that I think we both realized that this was not going to work.
Guest 1:That your marriage was over.
Marc:I realized it right then with you.
Guest 1:Yeah, I think anybody within a two-mile vicinity could have smelt that.
Marc:Yeah, many people were, the vibe went out from your cell phone.
Marc:It was sort of a ripple.
Marc:And everyone went, oh, Glenn, it's over for you.
Guest 1:And even people who didn't know me, the epicenter of that, whatever that was, is over.
Marc:Yeah, you sucked the fun out of a bunch of drunk Scottish people in a 50-yard radius.
Marc:Everyone felt a sort of bleakness.
Guest 1:Well, I don't know if that would suck the fun out of them.
Guest 1:It might make them happier.
Guest 1:They do have that sort of hardworking Protestant.
Guest 5:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, the hard-working Protestant appreciation of schadenfreude at any point.
Marc:Like, ah, that bastard got his.
Marc:I've had issues with that over the years, because if you do the kind of comedy that you do or that I do, where you...
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because maybe we ought to talk about that or maybe you shouldn't do that anymore.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then you talk about that particular argument on stage.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then it just feeds itself into a big nightmare.
Guest 1:I have a joke on my show and it's only funny to a select few.
Guest 1:Some people find it very funny and some people don't at all.
Guest 1:But I go, I do one impression.
Guest 1:It's of my wife and it goes like this.
Guest 1:I don't talk like that.
Yeah.
Marc:that's funny because you know the way we all characterize women's voices does she talk like that no not at all isn't that weird though because she was english but what are we supposed to do i mean we just tap into the feminine frequency that has the effect on us and that's how we make them talk yeah it's exactly it's like a voice uh on a tape recorder that's not what i sound like
Marc:But I think then you got to say, but the feeling is there.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm capturing the tone.
Guest 1:Exactly.
Guest 1:I'm making the role on my own.
Marc:So you started in Canada?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:You're Canadian.
Marc:I am indeed.
Marc:But you've made your name in England.
Guest 1:Yeah, I was there for the last 10 years.
Marc:Now, why'd you leave Canada?
Marc:Because most people go to Canada.
Guest 1:Not to do what I wanted to do.
Guest 1:Most people are running from a war or a regime of some sort.
Marc:A disease where they think they may be able to get medication.
Guest 1:Yeah, if we can just get to this shore, maybe I can get my foot looked at.
Marc:Yeah, if we can make it before the captain has to take it off.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:It might come off anyway because everyone looks hungry.
Marc:We've been adrift for months.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So when he started the scene up there, because I have no real... I have a sense of some of the Canadian comics because I've recently been doing the festivals up there.
Marc:But they seem to dig comedy.
Marc:That seems pretty embracing up there.
Marc:Was it that you were just an odd sort or...
Guest 1:i think so um i mean when i i left uh under sort of strange circumstances um because i was just doing you know i was just a gig in comic uh at a car and i was going all over western canada yeah cracking jokes and bars which is not the best career you know and uh it's easy for me to romanticize it but i imagine the hicks in canada are just as bad as the ones here
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:And if you don't, if you have no idea that it could get any better, if that's all you see for your future, it can get a little depressing.
Guest 1:I mean, I remember lying in a hotel bed one night and the two people, it was like a hotel where a lot of miners stayed.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Miners as in people who work in mines.
Guest 1:Not young people.
Guest 1:That would be good.
Guest 1:That's a different hotel.
Guest 1:Yo, I'll say.
Guest 1:That's my hotel now.
Guest 1:No.
Guest 1:And I had come home early from another gig that did not go as I had planned.
Marc:Right, those gigs where you walk out and where you're sort of running a little bit?
Guest 1:Yeah, yeah, a little skip to the step, you know?
Guest 1:There's probably a horse term for it.
Guest 1:It's in between a walk, a canter.
Guest 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest 1:And I was lying in my bed just wondering, you know, what am I doing?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:And when am I going to die?
Marc:yeah yeah when will i finally die uh yeah i've had that that that is what you call the precipice of bitterness you were you were at the precipice of bitterness dip in a toe yeah i can feel the future yeah and it looks like a lot of these hotels yeah i'm gonna skip the free breakfast and get the fuck out of this country well here's here's what happened yeah
Guest 1:two two miners sharing a room come back and uh they're both a little gassed up and uh they're happy though they're they're jovial like jovial miners yeah they've been in the hole all day exactly they've had a couple of scoops pops yeah and uh now it's bed yeah and uh
Guest 1:So one, uh, they're walking down the hall and, uh, one guy, they, you know, you can almost tell that they're arm in arm, like two, two 1950s movie tramps, you know, right, right.
Guest 1:Rascals.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 2:And, uh, he's like, Hey, uh, you got the key?
Guest 2:You're like, uh, no, no, you got it.
Guest 2:And they get up to the door.
Guest 2:He's like, no, you got it.
Guest 1:And he's like, no, no, no, no, wait a second.
Guest 2:And then he pats his pants.
Guest 2:Oh, no, I got it.
Guest 2:Well, get the fucking key out.
Guest 2:I'm getting the key out.
Guest 2:We'll get it out now.
Guest 2:I'm trying to get it out of my goddamn...
Guest 1:Bang!
Marc:Pops him.
Guest 1:And then, not just enough for one, like, you can tell this man's now down on the ground whimpering and it... Again?
Marc:Again.
Guest 1:And then, what are you doing?
Guest 1:And then like even like the pleading stops and now just a whimpering and you hear like a half exposed key out of a pant pocket get plucked out and the door open and it closed and the man still maintaining his fetal position in the hallway.
Guest 1:Oh my God.
Guest 1:I flipped over and there's nothing I can do.
Guest 1:I don't know any CPR and I certainly don't want to be the first one into this guy's life.
Marc:But you saw this as a sign from the great cosmic unknown that you need to change your path.
Guest 1:Yeah, I don't think I need to be staying in an accommodation where men are being beaten for as little as slow exposure of a key.
Marc:Yeah, right.
Marc:A friend.
Yeah.
Marc:Imagine what he'd done to me.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:And the sad thing is they probably woke up the next day and was like, you okay?
Marc:Sorry, I drank too much.
Guest 1:Yeah, I bet you the guy doesn't even know why he woke up in the hall.
Guest 1:He's probably like, I don't remember much of last night.
Guest 2:I didn't say nothing.
Guest 2:I do anything crazy?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Weird thing is, I mean, I know I make those comments, but I don't even know any black people.
Guest 2:I don't know why I've got such a...
Guest 2:Must have fell down the stairs with my face.
Marc:And the guy was like, yeah, I think you did.
Marc:Sorry.
Marc:I kind of got lost too.
Marc:But I, yeah, I know that feeling.
Marc:There's those, you know, when you drive for hours and you put up with those, there was a gig once.
Marc:in uh it was on nantucket there's an island gig it was i lived in boston and you had to take the boat the ferry to nantucket to do this rock club called the muse and island people they're island people for a reason the locals never leave and
Marc:And then they have a vacation business.
Marc:So, you know, the people go to the island, but they come back.
Marc:But the island people stay.
Marc:And this was their bar.
Marc:It was an island person bar.
Marc:And all you do on an island is drink and talk about how everyone who doesn't live on the island is a fucking asshole.
Marc:and it was a rock club so but you couldn't you the show ended before you could get a boat back so they put you up in this band house which was really this cinder block bunker with bunk beds in it and it's me and this guy mike moto who was a local comic in boston and you know he was okay but you know he just was a sort of a career middle uh that never changed his act much and it was very straight and not much risk just straight jokes talk very regular and
Marc:and it was me and him in this bunkhouse and i was like and the show was bad and i was like god damn it how the fuck are we gonna sleep and i'm there with mike moto there's no furniture in this place it's these bunk beds and he's like you want to do some coke and i'm like that is the last fucking thing
Marc:why would i want to stay awake anymore for this i mean what what what would be the point and when you realize you don't want to do coke yeah you know after a gig because you do not want in any way be awake you want the you want to get off the island and get morning there as quickly as possible and doing coke with mike moto not that he's a bad guy but it's just like there's no fucking way so cut to four in the morning we're doing the coke and i
Marc:We've talked about a lot of shit.
Marc:Yeah, we straightened it out.
Marc:Yeah, we straightened it out, got about an hour's sleep.
Marc:We're on the boat trying to hold down puke for the ride back.
Marc:And that was one of those times where it's like, how do I transcend this?
Marc:And I think that really the weird thing about the road and about the American road, about any road, is that eventually two things can happen.
Marc:Either you build your act, your creativity gets stifled, and you build your act to accommodate the people that are coming, which means to play by road rules and to become generalized or mediocre.
Marc:Or you stick by your guns and somehow build a tremendous following by doing it.
Marc:It's a gamble either way.
Marc:But you chose to go to England because it was more embracing.
Guest 1:Yeah, I got in a car accident.
Marc:And you ended up in England?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Wow, that's a bad accident.
Guest 1:Wear your seatbelts, kids.
Guest 1:That's what we're trying to tell you.
Guest 1:No, I got whiplash, and I took the money for that, and a few years earlier,
Guest 1:I'd won $10,000 on a scratch ticket.
Guest 1:Really?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Did you continue playing after that?
Guest 1:No.
Guest 1:The only reason I purchased it is because Jean Chrétien, our prime minister at the time in Canada, he'd ran on a platform saying that he was going to lower the price of smokes because everyone was going down to the States to get them.
Guest 1:So this price of smokes went down by a buck.
Guest 1:So I was getting a pack of smokes, and what would have cost me $6.45 before now cost me $5.85.
Guest 1:Paying with a five and a toonie, I thought, I've got an extra dollar.
Guest 1:Give me a scratch ticket.
Guest 1:Give me a scratch ticket.
Guest 1:So what we're telling you here, kids, is that smoking makes you money.
Guest 1:there you go yeah you heard it here first and that's why i i have never gambled again because nothing will ever feel like that nothing will ever feel like a 19 year old boy winning ten thousand dollars on a lark on a lark checking it twice three am i seeing three numbers because you've had that before sure you wish you've won yeah yeah and then oh that's a that's a thousand can you imagine how that would have been no
Guest 1:10 grand.
Guest 1:Yeah, man.
Marc:I feel like going to get scratch tickets right now.
Marc:But I got a bug for that shit.
Marc:I got to be careful with that.
Marc:Because my dad calls me.
Marc:He's like, look, I got a system for a scratch ticket.
Marc:How's that working out for you?
Marc:When is the system going to pay off?
Guest 2:Yeah, they won't let me buy them in Vegas, man.
Guest 2:They know.
Marc:All right, so you got $10,000, and you decided to not get your neck fixed.
Guest 1:No, no.
Marc:I love decisions that are made around insurance money.
Marc:I got into a car wreck, and I got like $2,000, and I'm like, you know what?
Marc:I'm going to go pay $500 to fix it, and I'm going to have $1,500 and a fucking trunk that leaks for the rest of time.
Yeah.
Marc:Okay, so you got, what, you got like $18,000?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Or so?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you say, I'm getting on a boat, or you got on a plane probably?
Guest 1:Yeah, we do planes.
Marc:So you fly to England, and you just set up?
Guest 1:I didn't go to England first.
Guest 1:I went to Europe and backpacked around, and then I was in a... Were you looking for yourself?
Marc:Or just getting laid?
Guest 1:Well, if those are the choices, I was looking for myself.
Okay.
Guest 1:Out of those two things, no, I was in Copenhagen staying in a hostel and I was doing some laundry and this had been about two weeks since I'd done a gig and you don't realize until you stop gigging how much you actually need it for your...
Guest 1:release you gotta stay in shape well just you gotta you gotta get it out yeah because your eyes start to bulge and you know you start to sweat a weird smell yeah yeah i know and uh the i was in a laundromat washing that weird smell out of my clothes were you spontaneously broke into a set at the laundromat in copenhagen no hey can i get everyone's attention yeah yeah turn that machine up no no it'll be good it'll be good
Guest 1:So there was a beautiful young Danish woman also doing her laundry.
Guest 1:And of course, I started to try every move in the book on her.
Guest 1:What'd that look like?
Marc:Are these yours that I just took out of your dryer?
Marc:They're really pretty.
Guest 1:You might as well dry them on.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:I'm like, so what's there to do in Copenhagen?
Guest 1:And she's still polite.
Guest 1:I think she's flattered by the attention.
Guest 1:Does she understand English?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Oh, yeah.
Guest 1:Oh, they all do.
Guest 1:All Scandinavia.
Guest 1:They speak better English than the English.
Guest 1:There's part of me that really wants to go there.
Marc:It's your cock.
Marc:Is it?
Yeah.
Marc:You might be right.
Marc:A buddy of mine told me he had family up there, so he goes to visit.
Marc:And he said he stopped at a gas station and go to a convenience store.
Marc:And he walked in and he was like, my God, there's a supermodel working at the convenience store.
Guest 1:They all look like that.
Guest 1:Who thinks she's hideous.
Guest 1:She's like, yeah, it's the only thing that's good for me.
Guest 1:I mean, as you can tell, I am ugly like a troll who should be shot onto a bridge.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:So I will wash your windshield too, but I'll do it with my face away so you don't have to see it when it's clean.
Guest 1:Oh, my God.
Guest 1:Okay, I'm going.
Guest 1:I say to the woman, what's going on in Copenhagen?
Guest 1:It's always my line, and it just happened to be that I was in Copenhagen.
Guest 1:Good.
Guest 1:Better chance of working.
Guest 1:What's going on?
Guest 1:Copenhagen.
Guest 1:That's where I am.
Guest 1:And she went, I don't know, people go to stand-up comedy sometimes?
Guest 1:And at that point, it went from me trying to get laid to, what?
Guest 1:Where do they do it?
Guest 1:But it's in the square over there.
Guest 1:The square.
Guest 1:I'm not looking at your tits anymore.
Guest 1:I really need to know this now.
Guest 1:I can do that.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:I can do stand-up comedy.
Guest 1:Yeah, yeah.
Guest 1:I hadn't even got to that part.
Guest 1:Yeah, yeah.
Guest 1:uh so you went down there yeah she told me the where the square was and uh i went and uh took i could i it was a poster in danish but uh you can always tell a comic's eight by ten oh yeah yeah the the thinly veiled neediness yeah with the pandering smile yeah yeah everyone's a while a plush toy in there too sure sure got a duck on his shoulder yeah yeah hands up
Marc:the best ones are the composite shots where they got four pictures of them and different outfits and different expressions i don't know if you saw that kind of stuff where you were everywhere man sure that's that's a symptom yeah that's not that's not an idea that's a symptom of a problem yeah i do a thing about the comedy store like there's so many pictures there i believe they're sucking the energy out of the club that the need captured
Marc:The club is so dark because the pictures are draining it.
Guest 1:Yeah, it's part of a 1970s LSD test.
Guest 1:Oh, hell yeah.
Guest 1:They would put a wall of pictures up like that, and then two years later, you'd shoot a Kennedy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:For whatever reason.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:They're quietly feeding and they're programming people to snap.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So you started doing it in Copenhagen, and you locked in?
Marc:I mean, were people excited?
Marc:Like, hey, who's this American with the weird angle and the tilted stance?
Guest 1:Well, one guy, he's a Northern Irish comic that lived in Copenhagen.
Guest 1:He didn't like me on the patch, so he's a... I mean, he won't mind me telling this story because he knows that he did it.
Marc:What does that mean, he didn't like you on the patch?
Guest 1:He didn't like me.
Guest 1:He liked me in the English-speaking comic there.
Guest 1:Oh, I see, I see.
Guest 1:So he'd been out street performing all day and then... Busking.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:And he confronted me out front of the club in Denmark, Copenhagen, with a drum on his back.
Guest 1:accusing me of stealing my jokes.
Guest 1:Really?
Guest 1:Like, he was getting so into it that the little symbol was going off.
Guest 1:Like, I don't know, you think you could come here?
Guest 1:Ding, ding.
Guest 1:I'm like, what are you talking about?
Guest 1:I go, who did I steal my jokes from?
Guest 1:He goes, I don't know, but you seem pretty young to know about stuff like that.
Guest 1:Oh, I didn't even have a plan.
Marc:I kind of envy you guys that spend a lot of time over there, only in the sense that
Marc:For me, when I go even to an English-speaking country, I feel like I don't understand what's happening, and I feel singled out and uncomfortable and alone.
Guest 1:What did they catch you doing?
Guest 1:Nothing.
Guest 1:Okay.
Marc:Just weeping, walking down the street, looking for friends.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:and just get so fucking uncomfortable in other countries but scotland was rough but uh but but i mean the audiences and even english speaking i guess once you learn how to you know what they want and what their expectations are what their pace is it must be different in all the different places is it not it is there's subtle differences but i think the uh similarities uh what's the difference outweigh it like what's the difference between say also i think that some there's some part of the way i do comedy and how revealing i am and how you know uh
Marc:you know raw i am that is uniquely american but you know i'm not that popular here so i don't know what i'm basing that on like yeah some people say like you should go to england they'll love you there and i'm like but i'm so comfortable here i mean these are my people yet i can only fill half a club you know maybe i don't want to disappoint those 50 people who come out you know expecting something different yeah
Guest 2:I hope you guys brought friends that want to hear the old stuff.
Guest 2:I haven't got some new stuff.
Guest 2:I don't have any right now.
Marc:But see, I don't know.
Marc:I'd like to go to England.
Marc:I'd like to perform there.
Marc:I've never been there.
Marc:I was there once when I just got out of school.
Marc:I spent a month there.
Marc:It was miserable.
Marc:I took some photography classes.
Marc:I lived in some area called Onslow Gardens.
Marc:Does that ring a bell?
Marc:Anything?
Guest 3:Hounslow.
Marc:Onslow.
Marc:No.
Marc:Nothing?
Marc:Nothing.
Marc:See, maybe I'm making it up.
Marc:I don't fucking know.
Marc:It was Richmond College.
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:So South.
Marc:Oh, you know where that is?
Marc:I know where Richmond is, yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Richmond is the name of an area?
Marc:Yep.
Marc:I don't know if that was... Whatever.
Marc:So...
Marc:I was there.
Marc:I didn't do comedy or anything else.
Marc:And I liked England, but I've not, outside of being sent home from Australia many years ago and going to Scotland and Ireland recently.
Marc:But a lot of good dudes come out of England.
Marc:Well, a few anyways.
Guest 1:and you seem to have built your career there and found your style there what makes the comedy scene there uh different than the states um well i know i i can't speak for the states but i know in canada um that uh it's easier to be cynical in london and not be viewed as a negative person yeah or like a boat rocker yeah oh right okay i found and again it could have just been the venues that i was playing in canada
Marc:But but their sense of comedy, I've always been a little adverse to to British comedy only because I'm more geared towards comedically, not towards Americans.
Marc:But, you know, I just never I never liked the shrill voices and dresses and the hyper theatrics of British comedy.
Marc:necessarily when I was a kid.
Marc:I liked Monty Python okay.
Marc:I respect what they did, but it didn't hit me on a gut level.
Marc:And I think a lot of times the Brits don't reveal a lot of themselves when they do stand-up.
Marc:Is that possible?
Guest 1:Yeah, no, it's true.
Guest 1:And a lot of the time it's characters, even when they are being...
Guest 1:Not under the guise of a character, there's still being a character, but the class system is still very much at play over there.
Guest 1:How does that play into it?
Guest 1:Well, there's ownership of material, and if somebody's perceived as middle class, they're like, well, you can't really...
Guest 1:talk about that you know really yeah I think I think that's what where a lot of the what's an example that means the audience won't buy it yeah it because they know they can tell but a lot of British guys don't use the real names because they they know just from a name just just from your name what your where you come from what your family financial background is and you're saying that given that most of the audience is probably working class that you've got to try to pass is that what you're saying
Guest 1:No, the audiences will generally be mixed, but they're viewing it on a different level than we can perceive.
Guest 1:If you just look at it from outside, you're just like, well, an English accent is an English accent.
Guest 1:It's not.
Guest 1:And it's not even class, like somebody from Liverpool could be, as soon as they start talking, they'll go, okay, well, he's a thief, because that's a stereotype of Scousers.
Guest 1:So there's a lot at play, and there's a lot of reason that they mask that, and that's always been a problem I've had with British comedy.
Marc:As someone who watches it, or as somebody who's working there?
Guest 1:uh just watching it um they'll go out of their way to never say anything uh racist like it would be it would be deemed as uh you know like you could get a show stopped but a lot there's a lot of times like a good thing am i misreading you
Guest 1:no no not at all it is a good thing but a lot of times you'll have upper class people aping working class people on stage to get them to say what they'd want a working class person to say and that is totally fine but if you look at it the same sort of
Guest 1:And repression has been put onto the English working class much more than any race because the other races haven't been there long enough.
Guest 1:I've got a working class friend in England who was talking to an Irish guy.
Guest 1:And the Irish guy was saying how much him and his family hated the English.
Guest 1:And he said, well, I think you should define what you're saying because if you're talking about the people that went over to Ireland that were English, that is the gentry.
Guest 1:And for as long as they've been shitting on you from a high height, they've been doing it much worse and for much longer to us.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Well, I guess I could go with any sort of ruling class in a way, huh?
Mm-hmm.
Marc:That's interesting.
Marc:But I've also noticed that a lot of times people go from other countries like, you know, I don't want to name names, but there was a period of time where like several American comics were working over there and many of them just couldn't make a go of it here.
Marc:And some of the standards were a little different over there in terms of that, you know, what might be construed as somewhat hackneyed in an American club over there.
Marc:They were just thrilled to have a yank doing it.
Guest 1:Yep, that's very true, but it's like the gold rush.
Guest 1:Get there first and you'll get the best spot.
Guest 1:So you're saying those days are over?
Guest 1:I'm saying that a lot of the riverbed has been charted.
Guest 1:You'll stake a claim far up the river where there may be no gold.
Marc:I get you.
Marc:But also then you have the case of Hicks who went over there because he was fundamentally misunderstood here and did not get the credit and attention that his comedy deserved and he went over there and they enjoyed the misanthropic political incisiveness of it because it was my understanding and I still feel this so I think I may be wrong that even a middle class
Marc:Englishman is probably better educated than than most Americans.
Marc:yeah but uh when you say middle class in england uh it means upper class well i'm just saying in general middle class people like the the yeah there's a sophistication to the language and maybe i'm romanticizing it you know just because of the the history of literature there but just in in in understanding satire and because there is sort of a a history of of satire and stiff upper lip and and sort of anger and and uh
Marc:a tolerance of political incisiveness that it just seems, even the way their government functions, it's very theatrical and a lot of screaming.
Marc:A lot of wigs.
Marc:Yeah, and people seem to be a little more tapped into it than they are here.
Marc:It's just the dialogue of politics.
Guest 1:Am I misreading that?
Guest 1:No, it was true.
Guest 1:I mean, I wasn't there.
Guest 1:Hicks was over just before me, but a couple of my buddies over there,
Guest 1:have said that, yes, all those things were true, but what they really liked about Hicks is that he was an American making fun of Americans.
Marc:Well, yeah, I get that, you know, and I've been in that situation before, but, you know, the interesting thing is that, you know, he was really, you know, his making fun of Americans should have been a wake-up call to Americans, whereas I think that when you do it elsewhere, you could be saying anything, not even that sophisticated anti-American, and he would probably be celebrated.
Marc:that, you know, I thought his criticism of America was fairly sophisticated and should have played to Americans.
Marc:And I guess what I'm saying is that I've been in that situation where it's like, you know, I'm critical of my government or whatever, that over there they'd really like it.
Marc:And I'm like, well, that's fine, but then I'm just an American shitting on my own country as opposed to wanting to speak to other Americans.
Guest 1:Exacting change in the place that you want to change because then there's no catharsis going on because, you know, if your ideas are pure...
Marc:apply them in the right exactly yeah it's almost like you're being a traitor yeah you pick up the international herald tribune and you get your pen out and then you go and this is what else i'd like to change about that yeah you know shouted across the ocean but you don't yeah i mean you you seem to traverse in a different like uh world that i think is also you're slightly i i don't want to you know
Marc:do you any disservice but you know you're theatrical you're you you have a surrealistic way in a very lyrical way of presenting your stuff you know it is is heartfelt but also you know very poetic and it goes places that are very uh become somewhat bizarre
Marc:i don't i don't see how this could be perceived as a disservice oh and and but you know you are a singular entity that you know you don't you don't jump on anybody's coattails and you don't you know you're not if someone comes to a comedy club uh just to see comedy if they saw you they'd be like wow that was much more interesting than i i might have anticipated which is all a good thing but i'm just wondering if that you found that that was received better in england than other places
Guest 1:I think I was born in England.
Marc:When you got there, you were just a joke guy?
Guest 1:Yeah, well, I was 22, 23.
Marc:How old are you now?
Marc:35.
Marc:So you developed.
Marc:You were able to take your stage there.
Guest 1:Yeah, but then it's ever-changing because from that platform I jumped off and now I'm performing globally and I find that things are shifting to where I am at the time and that's why America is so exciting to me and I have to remind myself
Guest 1:of that, that the best jokes I'll perform in America are still to come because I have to be here for a while.
Guest 1:Right.
Marc:And the good thing is, is that you have your voice.
Marc:Now you just have to fill it with new things.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And how has your experience been?
Marc:And by the way, welcome to my country.
Guest 1:Thank you.
Marc:Very nice to see you.
Marc:It's good to be here.
Marc:What have you been finding?
Marc:How's your experience been in the couple of weeks you've been here in Los Angeles?
Guest 1:I've really been, maybe it's just because I'm reading a book about the Klondike right now, but it really feels like I'm heading up to Alaska in...
Guest 1:In the late 1800s, just like right down from the shysters that you could meet along the way and the amount of stuff that you have with you all plays a role of whether or not you can get to Dawson City.
Guest 1:Yeah, they see you coming.
Guest 1:Oh, yeah.
Guest 1:We got a fresh one.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:And I mean, I remember because I've been coming to America on and off for the last couple of years.
Guest 1:And I used to see, you know, friends of mine who'd make in the L.A.
Guest 1:move and there was just a worry in their eyes.
Guest 1:You know, if you if you met them within the first six months of being here, just like, what have I done?
Marc:why didn't i why didn't i stay where i'm a big fish and everyone knows my name well i mean they're there i think that's a natural response is that you realize like you know this is the cradle of show business and this is where you know careers are made but this is also where everyone in the fucking world comes to to realize those dreams so once you first get here you're like how am i going to separate myself from this pack
Marc:dreamers and and then you know you've got to look at your own resources and and at that point you know not let yourself be erased by fear and and realize like you know i'm a guy i've done some work i've got something unique to offer you know who do i got to talk to to get where i need to be yeah and and a lot of the times it's you you just have to talk to yourself yeah because you can't get a meeting with that guy yeah
Marc:But good luck, man.
Marc:It was great talking to you.
Guest 1:Thanks, man.
Guest 1:I've enjoyed the shit out of that, Mark.
Guest 1:Anytime you want me to come back, I guess I've got to wait another 10 years so I've got more stories.
Marc:No, no, I don't think we've even hit the surface.
Marc:From what it sounds, you might be renting my garage soon.
Guest 1:Yeah, there's a couple of calls on your phone.
Guest 1:It's acquiring.
Guest 1:I better go listen to them.
Guest 1:Glenn Wool.
Guest 1:Mark Maron.
Marc:i gotta tell you brendan i mean i've been here for what three days i'm glad i don't live here i was happy to see the snow i went to the theater i went to carnegie deli i went to uh yeah i i just love being what is it you gotta be kidding me you're fucking kidding me sam cedar is at the door come on come on in man holy shit what's up what are you
Marc:How'd you even find us here?
Guest 4:I had no idea you were even here.
Marc:What are you doing here?
Guest 4:Well, actually, I'm going to... There's a seminar just upstairs in the Mezzanine area.
Guest 4:Real estate with no money down.
Guest 4:And I was just heading over there.
Guest 4:All right.
Guest 4:Hey, I got something for you.
Guest 4:You got a whole bag of shit.
Guest 4:What is going on?
Guest 4:Headphones.
Guest 4:I haven't seen these in a while.
Guest 4:Test one, two.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:Hey, look at me.
Guest 4:I'm on the radio.
Guest 4:Sam Seder back on the mic.
Guest 4:Hey, folks.
Guest 4:How's everybody doing out there in the radio world?
Marc:It's good to see you, man.
Marc:I got a present for you.
Marc:What do you got?
Marc:Looks like you got a lot of them, whatever they are.
Guest 4:Yeah, I got a whole bag full.
Marc:I'm not here.
Marc:Oh, shit.
Marc:Thanks, man.
Marc:Look at that.
Marc:DVDs.
Marc:Brendan, for you.
Marc:Here you go.
Marc:Who's the caboose?
Marc:This is the movie.
Marc:That's a movie I directed?
Marc:And pilot season is the entire...
Guest 4:Is this all of it?
Guest 4:Who's the Caboose is a movie, as you know, I shot, directed many, many years ago.
Marc:I was in it.
Guest 4:You were in it briefly.
Marc:I opened.
Marc:Why do you guys say briefly?
Guest 4:Because I'm leading up to pilot season, which is the series where we caught on and we used your expertise more.
Guest 4:There's the Caboose stars Sarah Silverman and Cross and Benjamin.
Guest 4:Andy Dix on the cover.
Marc:There's a lot of pictures.
Guest 4:There's a Waterman.
Guest 4:Kathy Griffin, is that?
Marc:Kathy Griffin is in the- Cary Prusso.
Marc:I mean, you found room for Cary Prusso, but no picture of Marc Maron on either one.
Guest 4:Actually, your buddy Matthew did the cover, so you might want to complain to him.
Guest 4:And then Pilot Season, which is the miniseries sequel, six episodes plus two hours of extras.
Guest 4:That you are in, you're all over that thing.
Guest 4:And I have a bag of them.
Guest 4:I'm not, I mean, we got to keep it quiet.
Guest 4:I'm not technically supposed to give them to you because I've licensed out this area in the city to a friend of mine from Nigeria.
Guest 4:He sells these on the street.
Marc:So right down here.
Guest 4:Oh, okay.
Guest 4:All right.
Guest 4:I'm not supposed to give them out on the weekends.
Guest 4:If it was a weekday, I could give it.
Guest 4:So let me just take those.
Marc:Take those back.
Marc:Maybe I should just order from the site.
Guest 4:You can go to PilotSeasonDVDs.com PilotSeasonDVDs.com Cross, Benjamin, Ross Broccoli, Sarah Silverman, Isla Fisher, Mark Maron,
Marc:It's a big cast.
Marc:It was a good time.
Marc:It's great.
Marc:Well, that's great.
Marc:But I could also get them on the street in Midtown, like 6th Avenue in the 30s.
Guest 4:You know, I just basically, I give different people territories.
Guest 4:They do it wherever they sell up this, set up their table.
Marc:How does it sell on that level?
Marc:I mean, I wouldn't understand the pitch.
Marc:I mean, other than what you just did, I can't see.
Marc:Does it sell pretty well on the street or?
Guest 4:I mean, it does all right.
Guest 4:I mean, you guys, I'm handing out wholesale, but I'll tell you what I'm going to do for your listeners.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:The first 10 callers to call right now.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:As soon as we get the first 10 callers, I will give them a free DVD.
Guest 4:If I mail it from a different location, I'm not going to be screwing up my licensing deals with the guys.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:So the first 10 callers right now.
Marc:What is the call-in number?
Marc:Do we have a call-in number?
Marc:We're taping, but I was going to play along with you because I thought it was... Yeah, this isn't live.
Marc:There's no live.
Marc:But look, if you can figure out how, call in, and Sam will send you a DVD.
Marc:Well, we'll see what happens.
Marc:I mean, when I run this, if people...
Marc:This is taped?
Marc:Yeah, it's all taped.
Marc:It's a podcast.
Marc:I'm doing a podcast.
Marc:WTF?
Marc:No, I'm not familiar.
Marc:You can get it on iTunes or... iTunes?
Marc:WTFpod.com.
Marc:Never iTunes?
Marc:Well, no, but it's good to see you.
Marc:It's an interesting coincidence.
Marc:What time is your seminar?
Marc:Because this seems to have taken a turn.
Guest 4:I actually got plenty of time.
Guest 4:You know, I listened to... Are we done with the play?
Guest 4:Are we done with that playlet?
Marc:The playlet?
Marc:Oh, was that a play?
Marc:Is this going to be a full interview or what?
Marc:I do want to talk to you, though.
Marc:So what the fuck have you been doing?
Marc:I mean, I don't talk to you.
Marc:People are asking me, have you ever talked to Sam?
Guest 4:I spent most of my time writing this little playlet that we just did.
Guest 4:I thought that was improvised.
Guest 4:You call it a playlet?
Guest 4:Well, I mean, when you are an actor of my caliber, and I am now available for acting gigs, incidentally.
Guest 4:And you can contact Sam at...
Guest 4:Oh, God, I don't know.
Guest 4:PilotSeasonDVDs.com.
Marc:If you buy something, I'll know you're interested in it.
Marc:Yeah, maybe put a memo in the PayPal box that, Sam, we're interested in having you do a local TV commercial for my car place.
Guest 4:Right.
Guest 4:I'll do original voiceovers, anything.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:I listen to your, I listen, you know, I listen to WTF.
Guest 4:WTF.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That's what it is.
Marc:You can get it right at WTFpod.com.
Guest 4:Right.
Guest 4:Well, I think most people know that they wouldn't be listening to it.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, I'm just plugging because you're, all right, all right, all right, all right.
Marc:So you've been listening.
Marc:Were you going to say something nice or what?
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:I listened to the one with Benjamin.
Guest 4:I thought that was really, I thought it was strange.
Guest 4:Well, let's have you address that, Sam, because he said that you were his bully in that.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:Well, that's an easy thing to address.
Guest 4:John is a pathological liar.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:I mean, you know that, right?
Marc:I didn't know that.
Marc:I mean, I know that you guys play with each other.
Guest 4:Have you had cross on?
Guest 4:You've had cross on, right?
Guest 4:on early on did you ask cross if yeah say john benjamin pathological liar no he'll just say yes but so you're saying that everything john said about you was not true 98 of it i mean i think you guys were friends right no we still are friends okay so what wasn't true that you beat you didn't beat him up or his whole fantasy that i was his bully yeah i actually was not his bully i was his friend's bully oh okay yeah robbie polonski
Guest 4:And Benjamin tried to weasel in to our relationship.
Guest 4:Right.
Guest 4:You know, so like the whole thing was like, Robbie Polanski had this thing where, okay, I didn't like him.
Guest 4:He didn't like me.
Guest 4:I was fat.
Guest 4:He would call me fat names.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:And so I beat him up at a bar mitzvah.
Guest 4:And then Benjamin's like so desperate.
Guest 4:for attention that he tries to weasel in on this whole thing.
Guest 4:Like, hey, look at me, Sam.
Marc:Yeah, did he call you fat?
Guest 4:Yeah, yeah, and I'm just like, I'm not that interested.
Guest 4:In bullying you?
Guest 4:Yeah, he's just too small.
Guest 4:There's no sport to it.
Guest 4:And so then over the years, he's developed this, that's why he was talking about how we went to college together.
Guest 4:We ended up at the same college, literally across the hall.
Guest 4:His dorm door was three feet further away from me than you're sitting from me now.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:And I'm listening to the podcast.
Guest 4:He's making this whole dramatic thing like...
Guest 4:You know, for years he was bullying me.
Guest 4:No, that's not true.
Guest 4:I mean, I went to parties at his house in high school.
Guest 4:In junior high, he tried to gain some attention by getting bullied by me, and I wouldn't do it.
Marc:Oh, so he's got some resentment about that.
Guest 4:Well, and now he's created this sort of bizarre fiction in his head.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 4:That is just... It's weird.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's very weird.
Guest 4:And then I thought... Yeah.
Guest 4:I thought the way that you dealt with him was a little bit strange too, frankly.
Guest 4:What happened?
Guest 4:I don't know.
Guest 4:It was just very, you were weird.
Guest 4:You were a little bit weird with him.
Guest 4:I was?
Marc:I don't even remember.
Guest 4:I remember you said that I bullied you too, which actually I feel like maybe you and I should step out.
Guest 4:of the studio for a second and deal with it.
Marc:I felt that you were bullying me when you came in.
Marc:Even when you're nice, I feel bullied by you.
Marc:Well, I mean, that's different than me bullying you, isn't it?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:If you have two people making up these big delusions that they're being bullied by you, maybe you have to address the fact that- Let's ask Brendan.
Guest 4:If I feel warm in a studio that is like 45 degrees-
Guest 4:Is it warm in the studio or is it that I feel warm?
Marc:See what you're doing?
Marc:You're talking to Brendan about me and you're basically calling me some sort of delusional idiot.
Marc:You're bullying me right now.
Marc:I'm not bullying you.
Marc:Let me ask you then, Mark.
Guest 4:If I feel warm in a studio and it's 45 degrees in the studio, is it warm in the studio?
Guest 4:Well, to me, it would be.
Marc:To you, it would be warm.
Marc:Let's say there's other people in it.
Marc:My mother, she's always cold.
Guest 4:No, no, no.
Guest 4:It's not that your mother's always cold.
Guest 4:It's always cold.
Guest 4:Wherever your mother is, is always cold, if we're to believe what you're saying.
Marc:Well, if you're going to believe that temperatures are relative to certain feelings, just based on some average, then you're right.
Marc:There's a logic to that.
Guest 4:Well, tell me the other way that we could go about talking about, because temperature is specifically relative.
Marc:But I think that living in a day and age, we have to let those paradigms go.
Marc:That if you feel warm, it's warm.
Guest 4:Okay.
Guest 4:So if you feel like I bully you, then I'm bullying you necessarily.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:Exactly.
Guest 4:Now, does that work both ways?
Guest 4:Sure, if you'd like it to.
Marc:Okay.
Guest 4:Well, I feel like you make up things.
Sure.
Guest 4:I understand your logic.
Guest 4:PilotSeasonDVD.com.
Guest 4:DVD or DVDs, frankly, .com.
Guest 4:I think I have both of them.
Guest 4:I can't even tell you what- How they sell it, Sam.
Guest 4:This is the biggest advertising push.
Guest 4:I'm not kidding.
Guest 4:That and I tweeted it once.
Guest 4:I had a conversation.
Guest 4:I got an email from a guy literally last week from a DVD distribution company.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:And I got on the phone with him.
Guest 4:Was he asking you about it specifically or another question?
Guest 4:No, no.
Guest 4:He said, listen- Where'd you get these pressed?
Guest 4:How much- Yeah, exactly.
Guest 4:I noticed you put barcodes on there.
Guest 4:Why would you have done that?
Yeah.
Guest 4:He said, so I don't know if you are talking, you know, if you have a distribution deal.
Guest 4:And I was just like, it never occurred to me to actually try and get it distributed by a distributor.
Marc:I mean, that's how... We can put that out there because I have a lot of distributors that listen.
Guest 4:This distribution company seems to be very good, actually.
Guest 4:I mean, they're legit.
Marc:So are they going to do it?
Marc:Probably not.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:There's a couple of things I wanted to actually mention.
Yeah.
Marc:Because we can just say you have a PayPal account and people can just put money in it.
Guest 4:Yeah, I don't want to go that route yet.
Marc:Okay.
Guest 4:Yet.
Marc:Right.
Guest 4:But if people... I do have an M-Box.
Guest 4:Do you remember?
Guest 4:I bought it years ago.
Guest 4:I found it.
Guest 4:I'd like to sell that.
Marc:An M-Box?
Marc:An M-Box?
Marc:Oh, talk about the sculpture.
Guest 4:Yes, and I got a Giger sculpture I bought years ago when I had money, back when I used to do sitcoms and I had money.
Marc:That was your art investment?
Guest 4:That was my art investment.
Guest 4:And actually...
Guest 4:According to what they're selling it now, it has accrued a lot of money.
Guest 4:And what is that?
Guest 4:That's like a thing from Alien?
Guest 4:It's the guy who did Alien.
Guest 4:And this is a birth machine baby.
Marc:A birth machine baby.
Marc:That's what it's called?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's cool.
Guest 4:It's totally, honestly, I'm not kidding.
Guest 4:It's totally up your alley.
Marc:My alley?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I don't even like science fiction that much.
Guest 4:It's post-apocalyptic.
Guest 4:It's dark.
Marc:Where would I put it?
Guest 4:He has a lot of problems with his mother, Giger.
Guest 4:Yeah?
Guest 4:Yeah, seriously.
Guest 4:That alien was modeled after his mother.
Guest 4:For you?
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:It's going to be a special deal.
Guest 4:I can't even say it on air.
Guest 4:Okay.
Guest 4:I mean, we can do a payment plan.
Marc:Do you know how many times you've tried to sell this to me?
Guest 4:Do you know how many people could say that?
Guest 4:That's like a code now.
Guest 4:Have you put it up on Christ?
Guest 4:I put a listing on some Hollywood bulletin boards, and that's just basically my way of saying, please hire me.
Guest 4:Does anybody like Giger?
Guest 4:And then three producers go, oh, Cedar's in big trouble.
Guest 4:He needs money bad.
Guest 4:Did you put it up on PayPal or not PayPal, on eBay?
Guest 4:I did a long time ago.
Guest 4:Last time I had an economic crisis.
Marc:Did anyone bid on it?
Marc:One guy said, how do we know this is real?
Marc:And how'd you answer that?
Guest 4:How do you know anything is real?
Guest 4:I don't know.
Guest 4:Maybe you don't exist either.
Guest 4:I mean, what am I going to do?
Marc:So now let's get back to the temperature discussion.
Marc:It sounds like you're coming around my way.
Marc:No.
Guest 4:But...
Marc:I was just having a conversation with you about something you said.
Guest 4:God, I'm just surrounded by liars.
Guest 4:Seriously, let me borrow some money.
Marc:Okay.
Guest 4:Sam Seder, ladies and gentlemen.
Guest 4:I'll give you some money.
Guest 4:All right.
Guest 4:Pilot Season DVDs.
Guest 4:I mean, goodbye.
Guest 4:Dot com.
Guest 4:Right.
Guest 4:Okay.
Guest 4:Pilot Season DVDs dot com.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So that's it.
Marc:I want to thank Glenn Wool.
Marc:It's always fun for me because I don't know a lot of British comics.
Marc:I don't know a lot of people that work internationally.
Marc:You know, I met him in Edinburgh and it was great to talk to him.
Marc:Of course, Sam Seder.
Marc:You can go to pilot season DVDs dot com.
Marc:You can see a lot of the people that we've had on this show in that series.
Marc:It's very funny.
Marc:And oh, wait, I think I forgot.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:Pow!
Marc:I think I shit my pants.
Marc:JustCoffee.coop, available at WTFPod.com, along with WTF t-shirts, Nerdcock t-shirts, the ability to donate to our show.
Marc:And if you'd like to know anything about what's going on in the world of comedy, PunchlineMagazine.com.
Marc:Thanks for listening to WTF.
Marc:I'm going to bed.
you