Episode 476 - Billy Connolly

Episode 476 • Released March 5, 2014 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Guest:All right, let's do this.

00:00:10Guest:How are you?

00:00:10Guest:What the fuckers?

00:00:11Guest:What the fuck buddies?

00:00:12Guest:What the fucking ears?

00:00:13Guest:What the fuck nicks?

00:00:13Guest:What the fucksters?

00:00:14Guest:What the fuckstables?

00:00:15Guest:What the fuckadelics?

00:00:16Guest:What the fuckleberry fins?

00:00:17Guest:What the fuck is sugarnaz?

00:00:19Guest:What the fucking ucks?

00:00:21Guest:I am Mark Maron.

00:00:21Marc:This is WTF on the show today.

00:00:24Marc:The amazing Billy Connolly.

00:00:26Marc:the uh the one-of-a-kind billy connelly the the master of the scottish storytellers billy connelly i i was thrilled to see him i haven't seen him in years and he's uh he's definitely he's one of those guys where you you know you hang around him and you just you know he fills you up man so uh so that's coming up on the show

00:00:46Marc:First off, I want to thank the people that came out to the Steve Allen Theater, the Trippany House over there.

00:00:52Marc:That's the theater in residence at the Steve Allen on Tuesday, March 4th.

00:00:57Marc:Rebecca Corey, I want to thank her.

00:00:58Marc:She was very funny opening for me.

00:01:01Marc:And I did about an hour 15 or something, just working through some stuff, working through some stories, trying to find the nuggets, trying to find...

00:01:10Marc:The groove, the through line, the thing that's going to make the new hour.

00:01:13Marc:And I'm glad that so many people, supportive people, people that dig what I do and had a good time, you know, came out.

00:01:19Marc:And I just I guess I want to say I appreciate it.

00:01:22Marc:I think we got some real work done, even for the people that didn't that came to both shows.

00:01:26Marc:Some people tend to come to all of these shows.

00:01:28Marc:And I've added a couple for that reason.

00:01:31Marc:I think I did a whole different at least 35 minutes than I did the first time.

00:01:35Marc:And we'll render it down, man.

00:01:37Marc:This is the process.

00:01:39Marc:I don't know how other guys do it, but this is the way you do it.

00:01:42Marc:I guess I could be out there doing comedy clubs.

00:01:46Marc:in 15 minute portions but that doesn't really work for me i could go out on the road and do some club dates which i'm gonna do uh in april and and run some of this stuff but i didn't want to go completely blind it's exciting for me to uh to riff out uh in a supportive room which is not always what you get when you go to a comedy club so again thank you for coming out and i and i appreciate that

00:02:09Marc:The other Tripany House shows at the Steve Allen Theater are March 11th, March 18th, and March 25th.

00:02:15Marc:I think there might be some standing room at the March 11th show.

00:02:18Marc:You can go to tripanyhouse.org to get tickets for March 18th and March 25th.

00:02:22Marc:I'm doing all the Tuesdays this month.

00:02:24Marc:I'm recording them.

00:02:25Marc:And guess what?

00:02:26Marc:I'm listening to what I recorded to create an hour.

00:02:29Marc:I have this fantasy, folks.

00:02:30Marc:I have a fantasy.

00:02:32Marc:where my next special and my next CD is called Mark Maron Structured.

00:02:38Marc:Did I mention that the Canadian premiere of Maron is tonight, March 6th at 9 p.m.

00:02:45Marc:Eastern time on the movie network?

00:02:46Marc:How about that, Canada?

00:02:48Marc:How about that, Canada?

00:02:49Marc:Hey, you what the fucking ucks.

00:02:51Marc:If you get the movie network, Maron, the first season premieres tonight.

00:02:56Marc:That's March 6th at 9 p.m.

00:02:57Marc:Eastern time.

00:02:59Marc:All right.

00:02:59Marc:OK, you got it.

00:03:02Marc:You in is weird.

00:03:03Marc:I was driving over there to trip any last night.

00:03:05Marc:And I'm just how many times, man, how many times have I been plowing towards something that that may or may not go well?

00:03:12Marc:How many times have I been driving with a with a heavy heart and I got to show up and do a show with a heavy heart and not show that heavy heart necessarily because that heavy heart's not funny?

00:03:22Marc:How do I fix that?

00:03:23Marc:How many times have I done that?

00:03:24Marc:And for some reason, my brain went back to this memory I had from from high school when I was 15 years old.

00:03:30Marc:And I was not an awkward kid.

00:03:33Marc:I was socially proficient, funny enough.

00:03:36Marc:But with the ladies, not so great.

00:03:38Marc:And I, you know, I was a little bit of an eccentric, always an eccentric, but always very sort of like insecure and wondering how I fit into the world.

00:03:46Marc:And I remember for some reason I asked out this girl, Ashley.

00:03:49Marc:I don't know why I asked her out, but I asked her out.

00:03:51Marc:She was way wasn't that she was out of my league.

00:03:53Marc:She was really out of my fucking world of interest.

00:03:57Marc:She was a drill team person.

00:03:59Marc:She had this weird sort of hairsprayed bouffant hairdo.

00:04:02Marc:She was pretty like a doll is pretty if you think dolls are pretty.

00:04:06Marc:And I thought, well, fuck it, man.

00:04:07Marc:That's what's supposed to happen.

00:04:10Marc:You're supposed to go out with a girl like that, Mark.

00:04:12Marc:And I'm like, no, you're not.

00:04:13Marc:She's not going to say yes.

00:04:15Marc:But I never entertained the idea that I might not want to spend any time with a girl like that.

00:04:20Marc:I just wanted to see if I could, if I could go out with a girl on the drill team who had the hair like that.

00:04:25Marc:What an idiot I was.

00:04:27Marc:So she said yes.

00:04:28Marc:And I remember driving to her house.

00:04:30Marc:And this all dumped into my head on the way to the show last night.

00:04:32Marc:I remember driving to her house.

00:04:34Marc:This is a girl with doll hair.

00:04:36Marc:Not ironic.

00:04:39Marc:This is like 1977, 78.

00:04:44Marc:And I've got my orange Converse high tops on.

00:04:48Marc:I've got my used pants that I bought at a thrift store with pleats.

00:04:55Marc:I've got some sort of shirt that I took from my dad, a work shirt of some kind.

00:05:01Marc:And I've got this leather shirt

00:05:04Marc:This sort of burnished, is that what you call it?

00:05:06Marc:Burnished leather trench coat that I'd gotten into the habit of wearing.

00:05:12Marc:It was sort of reddish color.

00:05:15Marc:And I show up at this.

00:05:17Marc:All I can think is that this woman, for some reason, this girl is what Texas would look like if Texas were a teenage girl.

00:05:25Marc:And I showed up like, hey, man, what's up?

00:05:28Marc:I'm here.

00:05:29Marc:Let's go on our date.

00:05:30Marc:And her parents came to the door, you know, daddy conservative, mommy drunk aging doll, me taking out young doll person.

00:05:41Marc:And by doll, I mean doll like a doll.

00:05:45Marc:And we went out and I had nothing to say.

00:05:48Marc:And the look on her parents face of just sort of like, where did this fucking kid land from?

00:05:54Marc:What kind of parents made this?

00:05:57Marc:What kind of parents has let this go?

00:06:00Marc:It's a stunning moment.

00:06:04Marc:And I wish I was smart enough at the time to realize that there was nothing wrong with me.

00:06:11Marc:Nothing.

00:06:13Marc:But that took years.

00:06:16Marc:Maybe just happened.

00:06:19Marc:It just just happened.

00:06:21Marc:So, folks, as some of you know, the patent troll situation is not over.

00:06:26Marc:The predatory lawyers that have turned out inventors who have claimed the podcast patent are still sending coercive letters to me and other podcasters, and they are actively suing Adam Carolla.

00:06:40Marc:for a licensing infringement for a great deal of money.

00:06:45Marc:Adam Carolla, thankfully, has chosen to fight the fight and now needs our help to fight the fight.

00:06:51Marc:And I think it's important that podcasters understand that this isn't over and that it's important for all of us that Adam not only fight this fight, but win this fight against this particular patent troll because we cannot allow them to set a precedent.

00:07:03Marc:We cannot allow them to win this case.

00:07:06Marc:We cannot allow them to have the liberty to license us

00:07:10Marc:For for using a technology that none of us own by proxy because it's an extortion racket and they know that we're the vulnerable ones that can't defend ourselves.

00:07:20Marc:Adam's chosen to defend himself and he needs some bread.

00:07:23Marc:So I talked to Adam about the very real situation of of this of personal audios patent troll attack.

00:07:33Marc:I've you know some of you heard me talk about it that that it's an extortion racket it's a loophole in the patent office and it's a it's a loophole they're working with the support of a sympathetic judiciary in Texas and there's some action against it in the Congress and in the Senate the president is aware of it not ours specifically though I would love that if he said you know podcasters need your help if Obama said that would be spectacular

00:07:58Marc:So I talked to Adam, and I'm going to share that conversation with you now.

00:08:01Marc:And the details, I guess I will tell you at the beginning of this.

00:08:05Marc:To contribute, you go to fundanything.com slash patent troll.

00:08:10Marc:And if you have any questions about this fight, email legaldefense at adamcarolla.com.

00:08:16Marc:So now let's go to a conversation I had with Adam so you guys can get a status update of what is going on.

00:08:25Thank you.

00:08:25Marc:The only drainage I have for the whole fucking driveway is some crack over here on the right, which I thought was going in my neighbor's yard, but I don't know where that water's going.

00:08:34Marc:Where could that water be going?

00:08:35Guest:Well, I was going to say it's going to hell, but then I realized hell is a dry heat.

00:08:41Guest:you know yeah i don't know where it's going i said to somebody yesterday on my podcast i said you know hell should be a wet heat like florida yeah yeah that'd be worse should be like dade county in august it shouldn't be a dry heat it shouldn't be a palm springs heat you should have the weird humidity rash on top yeah and with all the rivers of of flames and everything i bet it's a dry heat someone's got to talk to the devil about that there maybe there's sections maybe there's a florida section of hell

00:09:08Guest:There should be a consultant like, look, Beelzebub, what you got here is miserable.

00:09:13Guest:Don't get me wrong.

00:09:14Guest:But I'm saying I could make it more miserable.

00:09:17Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:09:18Guest:Hear me out.

00:09:19Marc:Adam Carolla is here, and I need you to make me feel better if you could, because my panic about this patent troll issue has been profound and ongoing.

00:09:28Marc:Mm-hmm.

00:09:28Marc:and I've done what I can to raise awareness, but now you're in the thick of it.

00:09:33Marc:You are actually being sued, and I think initially, you didn't think it was going to be a big deal.

00:09:37Marc:Is that true?

00:09:38Guest:My first impulse was, you know, hey, good luck.

00:09:41Guest:I don't even know what you guys are talking about.

00:09:43Guest:And then I started to get some of the bits and pieces and some of the details, and...

00:09:49Guest:It's the most expensive litigation to defend.

00:09:53Guest:So it's basically somebody said, oh, it's probably about one point five million dollars.

00:09:59Guest:I mean, if you want to go to court, if you want to defend yourself and it's a great country we have here, it's one point five million dollars for justice.

00:10:07Guest:Yeah, right.

00:10:08Guest:It's 1.5.

00:10:08Guest:And then I love the part where they go, you won.

00:10:11Guest:Yeah.

00:10:11Guest:You won what?

00:10:14Guest:I'm exactly the same minus the 1.5 million dollars.

00:10:17Marc:Well, these monsters have figured out this loophole in the patent system to sort of retrofit these patents onto whatever comes up, even though they were failed inventors to some degree.

00:10:26Marc:And they've retrofitted this patent onto podcasting.

00:10:30Marc:And none of us, I think the issue is none of us even know what the hell the technology they're talking about is, nor do we necessarily employ it personally.

00:10:39Guest:Yeah.

00:10:40Guest:And what I've said, and to put a finer point on it, they set up in some backwater town in Texas.

00:10:48Guest:That's where they hang their shingle.

00:10:50Guest:I don't think these guys live there.

00:10:52Guest:They're attorneys, they're consortium.

00:10:54Guest:Yeah.

00:10:54Guest:They're essentially the, the worst that, you know, when you think big anything or the worst this country has to offer, you know, the, the reason everyone was, you know, occupying wall street, right?

00:11:07Guest:This is the face of that.

00:11:09Guest:It's a bunch of dudes in suits that were attorneys or whatever, who got together, pooled their money, bought patents and now are just applying them to anything in a money grab.

00:11:20Guest:Uh,

00:11:20Guest:I've always said, look, if this works, if they successfully sue me and get me off the air or shut my business down or take a part of my business, the entire Internet is up for grabs as far as I'm concerned, because there's nobody that's doing anything on iTunes or YouTube or has anything close to a podcast or streaming show that isn't open for potential litigations.

00:11:43Marc:That's not vulnerable to these predatory assholes.

00:11:45Marc:Right.

00:11:46Marc:And what they're doing is just they found this loophole in this way to work that is legally supported extortion.

00:11:56Marc:Yeah.

00:11:57Marc:This is just a straight up shakedown.

00:11:59Marc:That they they have figured out how to do within the context of the patent system.

00:12:06Marc:And now we got to fight.

00:12:07Marc:They know that the litigation is a fortune.

00:12:10Marc:And what they're banking on is you'll just pay them to protect you from them.

00:12:14Guest:Or they'll either break off a piece or they'll own a piece.

00:12:19Guest:You will essentially go, here's a percentage of my business that you can own in lieu of this mountain of cash known as, you know, $1.5 million that it's caught.

00:12:31Guest:It's going to cost.

00:12:32Guest:First off, I'm already into it.

00:12:36Guest:I love this phrase to the tune of.

00:12:38Guest:Yeah.

00:12:39Guest:$50,000.

00:12:41Guest:I'm 50 grand in just trying to get the venue moved.

00:12:45Marc:Now, what do you know about just because we know that the name of the entity is personal audio.

00:12:53Marc:I've received letters, coercive letters from them telling me them in violation of this license.

00:12:58Marc:Many podcasters have.

00:12:59Marc:We've talked about it before.

00:13:00Marc:I think a lot of guys just assumed it would go away.

00:13:03Marc:They didn't take it seriously because not unlike you, you look at this thing and your first thought is this is ridiculous.

00:13:08Marc:And then a few minutes later, you're like, this is this fucking serious.

00:13:11Marc:Right.

00:13:11Marc:Because they're doing this.

00:13:13Marc:I mean, I know it doesn't make sense to us intellectually and it doesn't seem fair.

00:13:16Marc:But then all of a sudden you're like, well, you got to prove that.

00:13:19Marc:So now what do you understand about what's happening?

00:13:22Marc:Can you talk about how much they want so we can know as other podcasters as we support you because you're the guy on the front lines?

00:13:30Marc:Yeah.

00:13:30Marc:You know, what exactly are they asking for?

00:13:32Guest:The first thing they asked for, I believe, is $3 million.

00:13:36Guest:What?

00:13:40Guest:I know you do comedy here, but you haven't had that kind of laugh in a while.

00:13:44Marc:Did they start in a little high?

00:13:45Guest:What the fuck?

00:13:47Guest:They started with $3 million.

00:13:48Guest:And what they didn't count on is the power of the pod.

00:13:54Guest:Right.

00:13:54Guest:That they...

00:13:56Guest:messed with the wrong dude and or dudes.

00:14:00Guest:Right.

00:14:01Guest:Because what they said is normally they're going after Hewlett Packard.

00:14:07Guest:Right.

00:14:07Guest:And they don't have a microphone and a platform.

00:14:11Guest:They have a room full of attorneys and consultants and things get quietly settled.

00:14:16Guest:But they don't have a pulpit.

00:14:17Guest:Right.

00:14:18Guest:And I think they made a miscalculation in going after me and us.

00:14:22Guest:Yeah.

00:14:22Guest:And that we can rally the troops.

00:14:24Guest:Yeah.

00:14:25Guest:Other guys have to pay up or go to court or do whatever they have to do.

00:14:31Guest:We can, and it's something we talked about before, and it's what I love about what we're doing, and in a way, I feel...

00:14:40Guest:like it defines and embodies exactly what we're all here for.

00:14:46Guest:We all formally worked for NBC and Viacom and Coca-Cola and Upjohn and Pepsi and everything else.

00:14:54Guest:And we all broke away and said...

00:14:57Guest:We want to have our own unfiltered voice spread out.

00:15:01Guest:And some voices are serious and some are right and some are left and some are everything in between.

00:15:06Guest:But the point is, is all the guys who got into podcasting or were pushed into podcasting or found podcasting said, I want to say what I want to say when I want to say it to the people who want to hear it.

00:15:20Guest:And that's what we all do.

00:15:22Guest:set off to do and now the man has re-entered our world this is the in this form the worst form right and we all said thugs we're breaking away from the man you know i'm not working in terrestrial radio you're not working terrestrial radio we've broken away from the man to do our own thing and the man has reintroduced himself into our our little utopia and

00:15:47Marc:But in the form of mafia tactics.

00:15:50Marc:I mean, it used to be the man would be like, hey, if you go with us, we're going to put a commercial on the air.

00:15:54Marc:We're going to get behind you.

00:15:55Marc:This guy, they don't want to get behind anything.

00:15:57Marc:They want to rip us off.

00:15:58Guest:Right.

00:15:59Guest:And, you know, as I've said to people, like I said to a friend of mine who's going through a divorce, and he said, they want, you know, $30,000 a month child support.

00:16:12Guest:Can you believe it?

00:16:12Guest:And I said, what?

00:16:14Guest:And he said, can you believe it?

00:16:15Guest:And I said, well...

00:16:16Guest:You know, you've arrived.

00:16:17Guest:Yeah.

00:16:18Guest:And, you know, every time somebody says, how pissed are you or how upset are you or how dismayed are you?

00:16:23Guest:I just go, well, you know, you've arrived.

00:16:26Guest:Yeah.

00:16:26Guest:You know, you're it's official now.

00:16:28Guest:Podcasting's real.

00:16:30Guest:Right.

00:16:30Guest:That's what my partner said.

00:16:31Marc:We're being sued.

00:16:32Marc:Right.

00:16:32Marc:That it must mean that we're we're we're legit.

00:16:35Marc:Yeah.

00:16:35Marc:Yes.

00:16:35Marc:Yeah.

00:16:36Marc:Right.

00:16:36Marc:And I agree with you.

00:16:38Marc:But it's just it's what stands in that.

00:16:41Marc:I think what is in the balance of what happens here, though, is that the reason why all podcasters and people that listen to podcasts need to get behind this fight is that if it isn't won.

00:16:53Marc:Now, the EFF has also filed a re-exam, which who knows what will happen with that.

00:16:57Marc:But that's good news.

00:16:58Marc:Right.

00:16:58Marc:And a lot of my listeners donated to that.

00:17:01Marc:And that's in the process.

00:17:02Marc:The patent that's in question here is being reexamined.

00:17:05Marc:And now if it is enough to snuff with the patent organization, you know, they will shut the thing down.

00:17:10Marc:But that could take a long time.

00:17:12Marc:So that's one area of defense.

00:17:14Marc:Now, you're the guy in the trenches here.

00:17:16Marc:And your lawyers are going to fight this thing.

00:17:19Guest:Well, they are.

00:17:20Guest:And I think...

00:17:21Guest:it's again very symbolic of what we're trying to do and and ultimately incredibly american in its message and that these bullies you know a few hundred years ago it was england yeah now it's patent trolls right they're gonna come over here and try to impose their will and we got a little ragtag group here but they have

00:17:46Guest:It is like taxation.

00:17:48Guest:It is inappropriate taxation.

00:17:50Guest:And we are going to band together and we're going to fight and we're going to win.

00:17:54Guest:And there's no doubt that they had no idea the power of what we do, our audience, the dedication of our audience, and that they bid off more than they can chew.

00:18:05Guest:And they're going to at some point realize this was a horrible move because I think as we all band together, as we get the message out, you know,

00:18:13Guest:As I make the rounds and do the publicity, as you do that, as you talk to your audience, as everyone else in the podcasting community communicates with their audience, there's going to be a wave here.

00:18:26Guest:And once I think America wakes up and finds out what these guys are up to, they're going to lose the...

00:18:34Marc:court battle of popularity for sure i mean they're gonna they're gonna be looked at as scumbags well i well i think they already are in a lot of circles and i do hope that awareness has been raised but you know the president knows about it people know about this shit but it's one of those miserable things where

00:18:50Marc:They shouldn't be allowed to bully the little guy.

00:18:53Marc:If Samsung and Apple want to fight over their browser design that's legitimately patented, that's fine.

00:19:00Marc:But for them to be able to just take existing patents and shake little guys down because they can't afford to defend themselves.

00:19:05Marc:I mean, the patent system was put into place to protect entrepreneurship, protect inventors, protect all this stuff.

00:19:11Marc:But these guys have figured out a way to get around all that and just use it to extort.

00:19:16Guest:Yeah, and again, you know, in an attempt to rally the troops, whether you're a fan of mine or not, that's not my point.

00:19:28Guest:My point is, if I go down, that is going to open...

00:19:32Guest:They're going to see dollar signs and they'll just go to iTunes and they'll look at the top 200 iTunes podcasts and they'll just start going down the line.

00:19:41Marc:They have no idea.

00:19:42Marc:I don't think they have any idea how much any of us really make.

00:19:45Marc:And I think that's where you get a $3 million figure.

00:19:47Marc:I think that they've made an assumption that all podcasters are making a living, which isn't necessarily true.

00:19:53Marc:So if we don't fight this through you and however possible...

00:19:57Marc:That what's to stop them from just demanding, you know, we're just writing a series of a thousand letters or emails to podcasters who don't have a pot to piss in.

00:20:06Marc:They're in their closet doing it.

00:20:08Marc:Right.

00:20:08Marc:And they're saying you can't do it.

00:20:09Marc:You can't do it unless you give us a grand, two grand, five grand.

00:20:13Marc:I mean, they won't even admit, they won't even say what kind of money they want.

00:20:16Marc:With the letters, you know, you're in a lawsuit, so there was a definite number.

00:20:19Marc:But with the letters, they were like, we need to talk.

00:20:22Marc:Right.

00:20:22Marc:And it's like, well, what is the licensing fee?

00:20:24Marc:Well, yeah, well, yeah, we'll figure that out.

00:20:26Guest:Well, what the fuck?

00:20:27Guest:Yeah.

00:20:28Guest:No, I imagine it'll be some sort of sliding scale.

00:20:32Guest:They'll just go, how much money do you produce or what do we think you're producing or your worth is?

00:20:39Guest:And then we'll just take 25 percent of that or whatever.

00:20:42Marc:I'm sure they'll adjust it so that they're take money from everybody for doing nothing for doing because this guy was a failed fucking inventor and his machine didn't get made.

00:20:52Marc:These predatory lawyers turn these inventors out like hookers and they say like, you know, we're going to make you some money.

00:20:58Marc:You just got to be the face of this thing.

00:21:00Marc:You created podcasting.

00:21:03Guest:But I mean, it's a lot like almost everything in this country eventually, which is somebody with good intentions at some point 100 years ago says there needs to be a law against to protect people.

00:21:18Guest:Fill in the blank.

00:21:20Guest:Yeah.

00:21:20Guest:And lawyers sit around and try to figure out, OK, this law was made with the best of intentions.

00:21:27Guest:Now, how can I use that law to line my pockets?

00:21:31Guest:And that's basically what's going on.

00:21:32Marc:So what are we doing?

00:21:33Marc:How is it going to work?

00:21:34Guest:You've set up a defense fund.

00:21:36Guest:Right.

00:21:38Guest:What I'm going to do is fundanything.com forward slash patentroll.

00:21:44Guest:You can go there, donate what you will, what you like.

00:21:48Guest:We're going to try to do a thing, and I'm going to ask that my fellow podcasters...

00:21:53Guest:put up a reward of some kind, an incentive of some kind so that everyone can get involved.

00:22:00Guest:So everyone's not an Adam Carolla fan, but there's a lot of Marc Maron fans out there, especially listening right now.

00:22:07Guest:And maybe you can offer some incentive.

00:22:10Guest:They come in, they pet your cat.

00:22:13Guest:If they give you $100.

00:22:14Guest:I can barely pet my cat.

00:22:17Guest:Yeah, okay.

00:22:19Guest:And we'll raise the money.

00:22:21Guest:And what I'm going to do is I'm going to use as much of the money for this Fighting Patent Trolls.

00:22:29Guest:Hopefully, we raise more than we need.

00:22:32Guest:And whatever's left over, we'll just go into either some...

00:22:36Guest:general podcasting defense slush fund or just go to make a wish foundation or up my nose uh-huh i haven't decided yet i haven't decided yet start a career in cocaine now either way we're going to beat back the trolls what happens after that

00:22:51Marc:Right.

00:22:52Marc:All right.

00:22:52Marc:So it's fundanything.com slash patent.

00:22:54Marc:So I will figure out an incentive.

00:22:56Marc:But I do want to reach out to my audience and say that, look, what we did before when we raised money for the EFF is we created grassroots action and they chose it as a cause that they could get behind.

00:23:09Marc:And a reexamination of this patent was filed.

00:23:12Marc:And that's in process now.

00:23:14Marc:That's that's one sort of front of defense.

00:23:18Guest:Yeah, and I should, fund anything is not, nobody's profiting from this thing.

00:23:24Guest:Nobody's got getting their vig or wetting their beak or like, fund anything's not going, you guys raise all the money you want, we'll take 10%.

00:23:32Guest:They're not doing anything.

00:23:33Guest:We're not taking anything.

00:23:34Guest:It's all going to fight the lawyers.

00:23:37Guest:Right.

00:23:37Marc:And I trust you.

00:23:39Marc:And we got to trust in this action in that this has to be stopped.

00:23:45Marc:And you're the guy fighting it.

00:23:46Marc:And your lawyers are going to fight it.

00:23:47Marc:And you got good lawyers.

00:23:48Marc:You like them?

00:23:49Marc:Yep.

00:23:49Marc:Okay, good.

00:23:50Marc:As much as you can like lawyers.

00:23:52Marc:They are necessary sometimes.

00:23:54Marc:Fundanything.com slash patent troll.

00:23:57Marc:I'll figure out an incentive, but right now the incentive really is to stop this particular patent troll.

00:24:02Marc:The incentive is to hear Marc Maron for free twice a week.

00:24:06Marc:Right.

00:24:06Marc:To enable us all to continue doing what we're doing without being extorted, shaken down, or stopped by legal action that is completely without foundation, I think.

00:24:19Marc:Yes.

00:24:20Marc:Thanks, Adam.

00:24:20Marc:Well, we're going to do it.

00:24:22Marc:We're going to push it through.

00:24:22Marc:Let's win this thing.

00:24:25Guest:Mark, I love the way this feels.

00:24:29Guest:I really do.

00:24:30Guest:I said, A, it'll put podcasting on the map, but B, I love the idea that

00:24:37Guest:No matter what our politics are, we all agree on this and we all respect each other and we all agree that we're going to band together and fight together.

00:24:48Guest:And I just love that camaraderie.

00:24:50Marc:No, it's great because honestly, this is a bipartisan thing.

00:24:53Guest:Absolutely.

00:24:54Marc:This is just bad for fucking business.

00:24:55Marc:Absolutely.

00:24:56Marc:And I'll do anything I can to try to stop it.

00:24:59Marc:Thanks for talking to me.

00:25:00Marc:Thank you.

00:25:05Marc:Billy Conley in just a minute.

00:25:08Marc:Billy Conley is an electric performer.

00:25:11Marc:He's a man with more spirit and charisma than you're likely to see in mortals.

00:25:17Marc:And I talked to Billy a bit about a breakfast we had at the Aspen Comedy Festival where I was being my own aggravated, neurotic, mopey self, and Billy just filled me with fucking juice effortlessly.

00:25:31Marc:We talk a little bit about, towards the end of this interview, about his recent sort of battle with Parkinson's disease.

00:25:38Marc:He's got a handle on it.

00:25:39Marc:He seems to be doing okay.

00:25:41Marc:And, you know, it was an honor.

00:25:44Marc:It was an honor to talk to Billy Connolly.

00:25:46Marc:Billy's quite a character.

00:25:48Marc:And, you know, I'm glad we got to have this conversation before his most recent tour.

00:25:54Marc:He's going out.

00:25:56Marc:He's doing some dates here in town.

00:25:59Marc:You can go to billyconnelly.com to check those tour dates.

00:26:03Marc:He's going to be doing some select dates here in the U.S., and I believe he's going to New Zealand.

00:26:09Marc:And, again, thrilling for me to see Billy again.

00:26:13Marc:He's a real Buddha, folks.

00:26:16Marc:So let's go now to me and the aspiring knight.

00:26:23Marc:We'll talk about that.

00:26:24Marc:He's not really.

00:26:25Marc:Billy Connelly.

00:26:27Guest:What the fuck?

00:26:28Guest:Now do you remember, here's my memory of you from personal experience.

00:26:41Marc:Aspen Comedy Festival.

00:26:42Guest:Yes, I remember you telling your life story.

00:26:45Marc:on stage but do you remember eating breakfast with me i saw you the next day after my show you were jenny lewis was there i think yeah he was there but i didn't talk to him but i was at breakfast by myself and you were eating by yourself and i was uh being mopey and miserable and i and you said come on over and sit down have breakfast and then you just you just looked at me you said hello and you filled me up with connelly energy

00:27:07Marc:Oh, my God.

00:27:09Marc:Within minutes, the world was a different place.

00:27:12Marc:And I couldn't understand where the energy and the charisma was coming from.

00:27:15Guest:I don't understand it either.

00:27:17Guest:Bobcat Goldthwait said I should be fed into the water supply.

00:27:22Guest:Yeah.

00:27:23Guest:Yeah.

00:27:24Guest:It was just like I didn't know why I was upset about anything anymore after having breakfast with you.

00:27:30Guest:Well, your life sounded so good the previous night.

00:27:33Marc:It did not sound good.

00:27:35Marc:It did.

00:27:36Marc:What were you doing up there?

00:27:37Marc:What year was that, dude?

00:27:38Marc:Do you know?

00:27:38Guest:I think I was with Eric Idle.

00:27:40Guest:Oh, yeah?

00:27:41Guest:Yeah, he had gone up to see somebody and asked me, did I want to come along?

00:27:45Guest:It was my first comedy festival I'd never been to, and I'd avoided them.

00:27:49Marc:Yeah.

00:27:49Marc:I can relate to that exactly.

00:27:53Marc:Sometimes you just want to leave.

00:27:55Marc:I find that sometimes sitting around talking to other comedians, depending on the show you had, could go either way in terms of how you feel.

00:28:03Guest:Yeah, there's a terrible strain to keep up with everybody.

00:28:06Guest:There's always some bastard trying to be funnier than everybody else, and then everybody gets on to it.

00:28:12Guest:Oh, God, I hate the atmosphere.

00:28:13Marc:Yeah.

00:28:13Marc:And then it's sort of like, I got to get in this.

00:28:15Marc:I got it.

00:28:16Marc:You know, it's a big cock fight.

00:28:18Marc:Who's going to win?

00:28:19Marc:Who's got the funniest thing?

00:28:21Marc:I never felt like I won those things.

00:28:23Guest:No, I've never won them.

00:28:24Marc:Yeah.

00:28:24Marc:There's always someone quicker and more clever.

00:28:26Marc:And it's a pain in the ass.

00:28:27Marc:Absolutely.

00:28:27Guest:And I've never been to a roast and I would never dream of going to a roast.

00:28:30Marc:Well, that's not really your thing.

00:28:32Marc:I mean, you're, you're not a, you know, you're not a joke guy.

00:28:34Marc:You're a story guy.

00:28:36Marc:So it's not, you know, to expect you to, and also roast.

00:28:39Marc:It's like, what are you just going to go up there and, and shit on somebody, you know, for five minutes.

00:28:44Marc:That's the skill of that.

00:28:46Guest:Yeah.

00:28:46Marc:Yeah, but you were always long form, right, from the beginning.

00:28:50Guest:Absolutely.

00:28:51Guest:And I like ordinary people being funny.

00:28:53Guest:Yeah.

00:28:54Guest:You know, non-comedians being funny.

00:28:56Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:28:56Guest:Look, this morning I was in the hotel with my daughter and my son texted me.

00:29:02Guest:Yeah.

00:29:03Guest:A friend had seen me in at breakfast and he had said, enjoying your breakfast.

00:29:06Guest:And I was trying to work it out how he knew I was there.

00:29:08Guest:Yeah.

00:29:08Guest:We were just wrapping away and he said, you have an X over easy.

00:29:12Guest:And I said...

00:29:14Guest:Does anybody ever ask for eggs over difficult?

00:29:17Guest:Yeah.

00:29:18Guest:And he wrote eggs over reactive.

00:29:22Guest:That was your son?

00:29:23Guest:Yeah, which is a much better line than mine.

00:29:26Guest:I think non-comedians often come up with the best, funnier stuff.

00:29:30Marc:Yeah, I know a lot of funny guys that aren't comedians.

00:29:33Marc:And, you know, and I'm actually happy for them.

00:29:37Marc:That, you know, whenever anybody ever says to me, like, I want to do stand up, I'm like, okay, you know, knock yourself out.

00:29:44Marc:Either it's going to take or it isn't.

00:29:46Guest:Or someone in a store selling you jeans says, I do stand up.

00:29:50Guest:And they say, no, you don't.

00:29:51Guest:You sell jeans.

00:29:51Marc:It's right.

00:29:53Marc:Right.

00:29:53Marc:No, no, no.

00:29:53Marc:I do it on Friday.

00:29:54Marc:I'm doing an open mic.

00:29:56Marc:I'm doing my second time.

00:29:57Marc:I do it the first Thursday of every month.

00:29:59Marc:Right.

00:29:59Marc:Does that bother you, though, when somebody claims the title of comedian when clearly they're just starting out maybe trying to do something?

00:30:05Marc:It kind of bothers me.

00:30:06Marc:Yeah, it kind of bugs me a little.

00:30:07Marc:I don't know why.

00:30:08Marc:Well, I'll tell you why.

00:30:09Marc:Because we've spent decades trying to perfect a craft that is a real and genuine thing, and some guy selling you pants is calling you himself a comedian because he's done it twice.

00:30:20Ha, ha, ha.

00:30:20Marc:It's a perfectly legitimate reason to be upset.

00:30:22Guest:I'm glad there's another person who feels the same as I do, that's all.

00:30:25Marc:Oh yeah, I can't stand it.

00:30:27Marc:You're not a comedian because you've been on stage twice.

00:30:31Marc:So where did you grow up?

00:30:33Marc:Let's go back.

00:30:34Marc:Glasgow, Scotland.

00:30:35Marc:I've been there once, and I have to report it was the most drunk place I've ever been in my life.

00:30:40Guest:It's the second most drunk place, or maybe the third.

00:30:43Guest:Liverpool, Newcastle, and Glasgow.

00:30:45Guest:Maybe they tie for the most drunk.

00:30:47Marc:Is there a yearly competition?

00:30:49Marc:Are there yearly numbers on that?

00:30:50Guest:The outsiders come in and say, my God, a town with a drink problem.

00:30:54Guest:A whole town.

00:30:55Guest:I couldn't believe it.

00:30:56Marc:Late at night in Glasgow, the number of people I saw puking on the street as if it was nothing.

00:31:03Marc:Well-dressed people.

00:31:04Marc:Yeah, just like, bleh.

00:31:05Marc:That's the way we end our night.

00:31:07Marc:Now it's time for curry.

00:31:08Marc:That's right.

00:31:10Marc:Women in sparkly clothes.

00:31:12Marc:Yeah.

00:31:12Guest:it's just another night it's extraordinary isn't it and now there's a thing you go in with like maybe you get 20 pounds to spend you just give it to the barman and say give me stuff take care of it yeah so he gives you a pint glass with green stuff and blue stuff and they'll all in together

00:31:31Guest:Oh, really?

00:31:31Guest:Yeah.

00:31:32Guest:So you just leave it on them?

00:31:33Guest:Yeah, they're trying to make it illegal, but there's nothing illegal about it.

00:31:37Guest:But do you drink still?

00:31:38Guest:No, I haven't had a drink for 30 years.

00:31:40Guest:30 years?

00:31:41Guest:Yeah.

00:31:41Guest:What was that last night like?

00:31:45Guest:That must have been a good one.

00:31:46Guest:Whoa!

00:31:48Guest:I remember I was in a fight.

00:31:50Marc:There you go.

00:31:52Guest:And that's all you remember.

00:31:53Guest:It was in Malaga in Spain.

00:31:54Guest:I was doing one of those corporate gigs.

00:31:56Guest:Yeah.

00:31:57Guest:And I got shit-faced and I fought with somebody.

00:31:59Guest:And I remember I had his hair in my hand.

00:32:01Guest:I had hair in my fingers in the morning.

00:32:05Guest:I said to my roadie, I think that'll do me.

00:32:08Guest:Yeah, that was it.

00:32:10Guest:The least you can do is remember it if you've been in a fight.

00:32:12Marc:Right, not just see hair and fucked up knuckles and go like, that must have been bad.

00:32:17Guest:Is the other guy okay?

00:32:22Guest:I've no idea who he was.

00:32:23Marc:Who's the other guy?

00:32:24Guest:No, the roadie was trying to fill me in on what had happened, and I said, shh, don't tell me.

00:32:28Marc:Yeah, please, please.

00:32:29Marc:Let me just stop, and if it comes back to me in the next few decades, I'll apologize.

00:32:34Guest:Absolutely.

00:32:35Guest:As a matter of fact, that's one of the signs.

00:32:37Guest:You know, like, when you've been drinking a lot, you black out from time to time, and then slowly...

00:32:43Guest:It comes back, it drifts.

00:32:45Guest:Oh, I remember.

00:32:46Guest:Oh yeah, I was on the table.

00:32:47Guest:Oh yeah, I had my trousers off.

00:32:48Guest:I remember that.

00:32:50Guest:I remember swinging in a chandelier.

00:32:52Guest:And then after a while you get blackouts and they don't come back.

00:32:55Guest:And then when you drink, they come back.

00:32:57Guest:So you get two memories.

00:32:59Guest:You get a sober memory and a drunk memory.

00:33:02Guest:So you think, my God, my personality's split and I've become too, oh, I better get out of here.

00:33:07Guest:So if you don't pay attention to those signs, you're in deep shit.

00:33:11Marc:Yeah, you are.

00:33:12Marc:That's for sure.

00:33:13Marc:Yeah.

00:33:13Marc:So I paid attention.

00:33:15Marc:Sober memory and drunk memory.

00:33:16Marc:It's like when you start drinking at the bar and someone comes up to you and goes, how you doing, Billy?

00:33:21Marc:You're like, who the fuck are you?

00:33:23Marc:And two drinks away, you're like, hey, how you doing?

00:33:26Marc:Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:33:28Guest:Well, that's another thing there.

00:33:30Guest:When you go home and everybody seems old, when you go back to your hometown and the friends you had, you think, God, he's looking old.

00:33:37Guest:And I was speaking to the singer in ACDC about it.

00:33:40Marc:Brian Johnson?

00:33:41Marc:Yeah.

00:33:41Marc:I fucking love ACDC.

00:33:43Guest:Oh, I do too.

00:33:44Guest:Is he a friend of yours?

00:33:45Guest:Yeah.

00:33:46Guest:He'd gone back to Newcastle on holiday and he went to the local bar and he was speaking to a guy.

00:33:51Guest:And halfway through the conversation, he says to the guy, I think I know.

00:33:55Guest:He said, I think I went to school with your boy.

00:33:57Guest:He said, it was me.

00:34:00Marc:well it's very weird that you know you don't really know how old you've you've gotten or how old you look until you run into to somebody you haven't seen in 15 years absolutely you know like someone who was in your class at school sure sure and like sadly like you know there's women that i've dated like 20 years ago who i haven't seen in 15 20 years and i see them like what is happening

00:34:23Marc:What happened?

00:34:25Marc:Did she get some terrible disease?

00:34:27Marc:No, she's just older.

00:34:28Marc:She's just aged just like you.

00:34:30Marc:Yeah, exactly.

00:34:31Marc:And you're like, how am I doing?

00:34:33Marc:You know, if you're there, am I there too?

00:34:35Guest:Are we just old people now?

00:34:36Guest:Yeah, so if you meet them in a bar, you rush into the bathroom and look in the mirror and say, no, no, I don't look like them.

00:34:42Guest:I don't look like them.

00:34:42Marc:Not me, not yet.

00:34:44Marc:I can't trust my perception of myself.

00:34:47Marc:I trust pictures and how I look on television.

00:34:49Guest:I trust liars.

00:34:51Marc:Yeah?

00:34:52Guest:Billy, you're looking amazing.

00:34:54Guest:Thanks very much.

00:34:55Guest:That'll do me.

00:34:56Marc:Good.

00:34:56Marc:That's exactly right.

00:34:57Marc:That's what makes you a performer.

00:34:59Marc:I'll take it.

00:35:00Marc:I'm not even going to question it.

00:35:01Marc:It's like when you have management or agents or people that, you're being paid to lie.

00:35:05Marc:Keep it up.

00:35:06Marc:You're being paid to lie and keep me in work.

00:35:08Marc:How would that be?

00:35:09Marc:Tell me I look great.

00:35:10Marc:Tell me I'm a genius and get me work.

00:35:12Marc:That's all I need.

00:35:13Marc:That's right.

00:35:13Marc:Give me money and get out of my face.

00:35:15Marc:Give me some money.

00:35:16Marc:So how did you grow up?

00:35:18Marc:What was the situation?

00:35:19Marc:What were the folks doing?

00:35:22Guest:Yeah, my father was an engineer.

00:35:24Marc:Like for what, bridges, streets?

00:35:26Guest:No, an optical engineer.

00:35:27Guest:He made optical instruments.

00:35:29Guest:Oh, really?

00:35:29Guest:Yeah, range finders and things like that.

00:35:31Marc:Oh, yeah, for the war?

00:35:32Guest:Yeah.

00:35:33Guest:Wow.

00:35:33Guest:And he was in the Air Force.

00:35:35Guest:Wow, for how long?

00:35:37Guest:Well, he was in the Air Force for the war, but afterwards he stayed doing that job until he retired.

00:35:42Wow.

00:35:42Marc:Like World War II war?

00:35:44Marc:Yes.

00:35:45Marc:Did he fly or just he was on the ground?

00:35:47Guest:No, he was a ground crew.

00:35:48Marc:Yeah?

00:35:48Guest:In India.

00:35:49Marc:Yeah?

00:35:50Marc:Mm-hmm.

00:35:50Marc:Do you remember that?

00:35:52Guest:Yeah, I remember him coming home.

00:35:53Guest:He was going... I would be four when he came back.

00:35:57Marc:And your mom...

00:35:59Guest:Yeah, she was a nurse.

00:36:01Marc:She was a nurse?

00:36:02Marc:Yeah.

00:36:03Marc:Was she around?

00:36:04Guest:No, she split when I was four.

00:36:05Marc:Oh, the same year that your dad came back?

00:36:08Marc:Yeah.

00:36:08Marc:No mistake.

00:36:11Guest:There's a clear out.

00:36:14Guest:I guess she's off now.

00:36:15Guest:Yeah, she met a guy and bolted.

00:36:18Guest:Oh, no shit.

00:36:19Guest:Yeah, I don't blame her at all, you know?

00:36:20Guest:Yeah?

00:36:21Guest:Well, she was living in a slum in wartime and Germans dropping shit in the town and somebody came along and said, I love you.

00:36:27Guest:And she was an 18 year old.

00:36:30Guest:Yeah, you'll do.

00:36:31Guest:Yeah.

00:36:32Guest:Can we leave this town?

00:36:33Guest:Off they went.

00:36:33Guest:And it lasted, you know, she had brought up a family of four.

00:36:36Guest:Oh, really?

00:36:37Guest:Yeah.

00:36:37Guest:Do you have a relationship with them?

00:36:39Guest:I know them, but I don't know them very well.

00:36:41Marc:Your half-brothers?

00:36:43Marc:A half-brother and three half-sisters.

00:36:45Marc:That's a trip, man.

00:36:46Marc:Was that a thing that you had to go back to figure out, or did you always know it?

00:36:51Guest:Well, actually, I met my mother at a gig.

00:36:53Guest:I didn't know her.

00:36:54Guest:I thought she was looking for an autograph or something.

00:36:57Guest:Oh, really?

00:36:57Guest:Yeah.

00:36:58Marc:What year?

00:36:58Marc:When you were just starting out?

00:37:00Guest:I was in the 60s.

00:37:02Marc:Really?

00:37:02Guest:Yeah.

00:37:03Marc:And you hadn't seen her or heard from her?

00:37:04Guest:I was married and everything, you know.

00:37:05Guest:I was playing.

00:37:07Guest:I came off stage and she said, hey, Billy Conley?

00:37:09Guest:And I said, yeah, reaching for my pen, you know.

00:37:11Guest:Yeah.

00:37:12Guest:And she said, I'm your mother.

00:37:12Guest:I thought, oh, my God.

00:37:14Guest:Holy shit.

00:37:15Guest:I'll tell you a weird thing that happened.

00:37:17Guest:There's a playwright called Peter McDougall.

00:37:20Guest:And in one of his plays, he wrote, you never forget your mother's smell.

00:37:24Guest:Yeah.

00:37:25Guest:And it always appealed to me, that line.

00:37:27Guest:And so when I gave my mother a hug and I ended up with my lips on her neck and I smelled her and he's right.

00:37:35Marc:Really?

00:37:35Guest:Yeah.

00:37:36Guest:From when you were three or four years old?

00:37:38Marc:Ding.

00:37:39Marc:Really?

00:37:39Guest:Yeah.

00:37:40Guest:Did you cry?

00:37:40Guest:No.

00:37:41Guest:Oh.

00:37:42Guest:As a matter of fact, I come away with a pseudo funny line.

00:37:45Guest:There was a lounge bar right next to where we were standing.

00:37:47Guest:I said, we better get out of here.

00:37:50Guest:Let's go into the lounge.

00:37:51Guest:And she said, I hope you don't drink too much.

00:37:54Guest:And I hadn't seen the woman for 26 years or something.

00:37:58Marc:Was your father a drinker?

00:37:59Guest:I said, a birthday card would have been nice.

00:38:00Guest:Yeah, right.

00:38:01Marc:I've regretted that for many years.

00:38:05Marc:After 20 years?

00:38:07Marc:Yeah.

00:38:08Marc:Hope you don't drink too much.

00:38:09Marc:What, you're worried about me?

00:38:13Marc:You kept that well hidden.

00:38:15Marc:But I guess that's sort of a greeting in Scotland, isn't it?

00:38:18Marc:I hope you don't drink too much.

00:38:20Guest:Well, that's funny.

00:38:20Guest:My daughter, Cara, my oldest daughter, when she went to Glasgow University from Los Angeles, and she said she was amazed that when she met other kids her own age, they didn't say, like, what are your hobbies?

00:38:31Guest:What do you do at night?

00:38:32Guest:They would say, where do you drink?

00:38:33Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:38:34Marc:Which pub?

00:38:34Marc:Yeah.

00:38:35Marc:Yeah.

00:38:35Marc:Which one are you going to?

00:38:36Guest:Absolutely.

00:38:37Guest:It's the whole social life.

00:38:39Guest:I remember being in Ireland and I was saying to someone there, I'd seen all the alcohol advertising on television and the billboards and all that.

00:38:47Guest:And I said, it's the same as Scotland.

00:38:49Guest:And he explained it to me, this Irishman, he said, in every other society.

00:38:53Guest:You get dance halls, you get the town hall, you get theaters and movie theaters and all that in town.

00:38:59Guest:And on the periphery of that, you have alcohol.

00:39:02Guest:Yeah.

00:39:02Guest:He said, but in Scotland and Ireland, you have alcohol.

00:39:05Guest:And on the periphery of that, you have theaters and cinemas.

00:39:10Marc:That's the center of the culture.

00:39:11Guest:Yeah, totally reversed it.

00:39:14Marc:Which makes it very difficult to perform in all of those situations.

00:39:17Guest:And in Liverpool, Newcastle and Glasgow, the three main drinking centers of Britain, they seem to have something against coats and jackets.

00:39:27Guest:You see them in the middle of winter, little girls with blouses on going from bar to bar and guys with T-shirts with snow in their hair, you know.

00:39:34Marc:I think it's because if you lose a number of jackets from leaving them at pubs, you learn like, well, I don't want to throw any more money away.

00:39:42Marc:I'm going out with my T-shirt.

00:39:43Guest:Absolutely.

00:39:44Guest:You forget what courtroom you left in.

00:39:45Marc:It'll be cold going, but on the way back, we're not even going to know it.

00:39:49Marc:Absolutely.

00:39:50Marc:We're not going to feel a thing.

00:39:51Marc:Yes.

00:39:52Marc:Perfect.

00:39:53Marc:Perfect evening out.

00:39:54Marc:So did you have another job before you started performing?

00:39:58Marc:I was a welder.

00:40:00Marc:Really?

00:40:00Marc:You wore the helmet and everything?

00:40:01Marc:Yeah, in the shipyards.

00:40:02Guest:Yeah?

00:40:03Guest:In an oil rig.

00:40:04Guest:So I worked in Nigeria on an oil rig.

00:40:06Guest:How old were you then?

00:40:07Guest:22, 21, 22.

00:40:09Marc:So was it one of those things where it's like, I just got to get the fuck out of the house, I'm going to Africa?

00:40:15Guest:Yeah.

00:40:15Guest:No, I was fired.

00:40:16Guest:I was talking to a guy, another welder in a different bit of the shipyard, and I was away too long and I got fired for it.

00:40:23Guest:And I was walking out of the shipyard with my jacket.

00:40:26Guest:You know a welder's been fired because his jacket's untied up with string, you know, the leathers.

00:40:30Guest:And I was walking along with my jacket and the foreman said, where are you going?

00:40:33Guest:And I said, I've been fired.

00:40:35Guest:He said, oh, did you deserve it?

00:40:37Guest:I said, yeah.

00:40:38Guest:What did you do?

00:40:38Guest:He said, what are you going to do?

00:40:39Guest:And I said, I don't know.

00:40:40Guest:I'm going to have a look around.

00:40:42Guest:And he said, do you want to go to Africa?

00:40:43Guest:And I said, yeah.

00:40:44Guest:He said, a friend of mine's hiring welders for Nigeria.

00:40:48Guest:Yeah.

00:40:48Guest:So I went.

00:40:49Guest:What did you do to get fired?

00:40:51Guest:I was just talking to a guy about fishing.

00:40:53Marc:Oh.

00:40:54Marc:And not welding.

00:40:55Marc:Not welding.

00:40:56Marc:That's what you did to get fired.

00:40:57Marc:Yeah.

00:40:58Marc:You were not doing your job.

00:40:59Marc:Not welding.

00:41:00Marc:We're talking about fishing.

00:41:01Guest:Yeah.

00:41:02Marc:Are you a fisherman?

00:41:03Marc:Yes.

00:41:04Marc:Still?

00:41:05Marc:I like fly fishing.

00:41:06Marc:What kind of fishing were you doing in Glasgow back in the day?

00:41:10Guest:Well, see, Glasgow's a wonderful place in as much as the wilderness starts about three quarters of an hour outside Glasgow.

00:41:16Marc:Yeah.

00:41:17Guest:So there's loads of rivers and lakes.

00:41:19Marc:And you were fly fishing then?

00:41:20Marc:Yeah.

00:41:21Guest:Was fly fishing invented in Scotland?

00:41:22Guest:Yeah.

00:41:22Marc:Yeah.

00:41:23Marc:It was, right?

00:41:24Guest:Well, it was invented in England, I think.

00:41:25Guest:Okay.

00:41:26Guest:But a lot of the flies, wet fly fishing was invented in Scotland.

00:41:30Guest:Did you make your own flies?

00:41:31Guest:No, I've tried, but I'm clumsy.

00:41:33Marc:Did you know a guy?

00:41:34Marc:Did you have a fly guy?

00:41:35Guest:Yeah, I've known many guys who do it.

00:41:38Guest:Really?

00:41:38Guest:Yeah.

00:41:38Guest:As a matter of fact, a friend of my son comes to the house sometimes and he just sits and does it while he's talking to you.

00:41:43Guest:With the little clamp?

00:41:44Marc:Yeah.

00:41:45Guest:Or he does it by hand?

00:41:46Guest:He can do it by hand.

00:41:47Guest:Really?

00:41:47Guest:He even does it with things like foam rubber and they work brilliantly, you know?

00:41:51Marc:Yeah.

00:41:52Guest:He does it just, do you want one?

00:41:54Guest:Pass it over to you.

00:41:55Marc:And it just throws you a fly.

00:41:56Marc:Yeah.

00:41:56Marc:Like it's nothing.

00:41:57Guest:Yeah.

00:41:58Guest:I've always wanted to tie a fly and catch a fish with it.

00:42:01Guest:I think that would be a great deal of accomplishment.

00:42:03Marc:It seems like a reasonable goal, Billy.

00:42:05Marc:It seems like something that could happen for you.

00:42:07Marc:Yeah.

00:42:08Marc:Yeah.

00:42:08Marc:I mean, even if it's a shitty fly, you know, the fish doesn't know.

00:42:11Marc:You just got to get the fuzz right.

00:42:13Marc:Yeah.

00:42:13Marc:Doesn't matter if the thread holds.

00:42:15Guest:Well, that's a strange thing.

00:42:16Guest:Like salmon fishing, they make these exotic flies and nobody knows why a salmon goes for it because it's not supposed to eat in fresh water at all.

00:42:24Guest:Yeah.

00:42:25Guest:When it comes in from the salt, it doesn't eat.

00:42:27Guest:So nobody knows.

00:42:28Marc:That's the magic of it.

00:42:29Guest:The theory is that you're irritating it.

00:42:31Guest:Just going, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle.

00:42:33Guest:Oh, shut the fuck up.

00:42:35Guest:Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle.

00:42:36Guest:Ah, get out of my face.

00:42:38Guest:This thing.

00:42:38Guest:Gotcha.

00:42:40Gotcha.

00:42:40Marc:But like the trick of fly fishing, because I tried it when I was younger, is that movement.

00:42:45Guest:Oh, the casting, yeah.

00:42:46Marc:Yeah, because there's a possibility that you'll pop the fly into just a shitty ball of thread.

00:42:50Guest:That's right, you'll do it like a whip.

00:42:51Marc:Yeah, and pap, and there goes your fly.

00:42:53Marc:You just blew it up, all that.

00:42:55Guest:Or defoliation, or pulling sheep over your head.

00:42:58Guest:When you cast backwards, you catch up in the tree.

00:43:01Guest:I've done it a million times.

00:43:02Marc:Yeah, but you can keep that thing in the air for a while and aim it.

00:43:06Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:43:06Marc:Because you've been doing it since you were a kid.

00:43:08Guest:I pierced my friend's ear.

00:43:09Guest:Oh, good.

00:43:10Guest:A Scottish actor called Paul Young on a boat.

00:43:13Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:13Guest:Splunk.

00:43:14Guest:And he caught him?

00:43:15Marc:Yeah.

00:43:15Marc:And he kept the fly in for a few weeks?

00:43:17Guest:And the thing is, he's really sensitive about his ears as well.

00:43:20Guest:You know, he thinks they stick out.

00:43:22Guest:And he made me swear not to tell anybody.

00:43:27Marc:So what was the experience like in Africa?

00:43:30Guest:Oh, it was lovely.

00:43:31Marc:Yeah?

00:43:31Guest:Yeah.

00:43:32Guest:It was very hard work, but it was lovely.

00:43:33Marc:What was the job exactly?

00:43:34Marc:What were you working on?

00:43:35Guest:Well, there was a war on at the time in the Biafra.

00:43:38Marc:Okay.

00:43:39Guest:And I was there, and they wanted to finish this oil rig and tow it out to sea before it got damaged by the war.

00:43:46Guest:Okay.

00:43:46Guest:So the pay was wonderful, and we slaved away and did it.

00:43:50Marc:Like, did it have an impression on you?

00:43:52Marc:I mean, what were the people like?

00:43:53Marc:What was, you know, did you go into town?

00:43:55Guest:There's a thing that always takes you to be surprised in Africa is how intelligent people are.

00:43:58Guest:Yeah.

00:43:59Guest:Because they don't look intelligent in as much as they look raggedy arsed.

00:44:03Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:44:04Guest:So you'll be down at the docks having a beer because drinking beer is illegal in oil rigs.

00:44:08Guest:Right.

00:44:08Guest:So you have to come off.

00:44:09Guest:So you'll be having a beer.

00:44:10Guest:And a guy will come along trying to sell you a watch and he'll have a shirt on you that you wonder how he got into it.

00:44:15Guest:You know, there's so many holes in it.

00:44:17Guest:You wonder how he found the neck to put on.

00:44:20Guest:And then you discover, we used to play a little game with him, but not telling him where we came from.

00:44:24Guest:So he would say, parlez-vous français ?

00:44:26Guest:And you go, no, no, no.

00:44:27Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:44:28Guest:The Spanish of Dutch?

00:44:29Guest:Yeah.

00:44:29Guest:No, no, no, no.

00:44:30Guest:And they would go through about five languages.

00:44:32Guest:Yeah.

00:44:33Guest:To try and find you.

00:44:34Guest:Yeah.

00:44:34Guest:And the guy's got no arse in his pants, you know.

00:44:37Guest:And he's got one watch to try and sell, one battered old dirty watch.

00:44:40Guest:He's got a hustle.

00:44:41Guest:But he's got a hustle on.

00:44:42Guest:Yeah.

00:44:42Guest:And he's very, very, very bright.

00:44:44Guest:And that's the first thing that strikes you about them is the brightness.

00:44:47Guest:That happens in India, too, where people beg all the time and you feel sorry for them.

00:44:52Guest:And it's a waste of time feeling sorry for people.

00:44:54Guest:What happens after a while is you get very proud of them because they do this every day.

00:44:59Guest:You know, you get proud of their achievement of making it through every day.

00:45:03Marc:When you visit India, because I want to go there.

00:45:04Marc:Did you enjoy that?

00:45:06Guest:Oh, yeah, it's lovely.

00:45:08Guest:It's a great place.

00:45:08Marc:Where'd you go?

00:45:10Guest:The last time I was there, I was in Bangalore.

00:45:12Guest:And I'll tell you this.

00:45:14Guest:Shooting which movie?

00:45:16Guest:No, this wasn't a movie.

00:45:17Guest:It was a television show.

00:45:18Guest:I did a show called Who Do You Think You Are?

00:45:21Guest:Yeah.

00:45:21Guest:Where they trace your heritage, your family and stuff.

00:45:24Guest:And I didn't know I had an Indian connection.

00:45:26Guest:Do you?

00:45:27Guest:Yeah, my great, great, great, great grandfather married an Indian woman.

00:45:31Wow.

00:45:32Marc:Really?

00:45:32Marc:Yeah.

00:45:33Marc:And did you go meet that extended family?

00:45:35Marc:Is that how it worked?

00:45:36Guest:No, we couldn't find anybody.

00:45:37Guest:The nearest we could find on the legal sheets was about 1980.

00:45:40Guest:A guy died in Kolkata.

00:45:42Guest:He was an engine driver.

00:45:44Marc:And a distant relative.

00:45:45Guest:A distant relative.

00:45:46Guest:Anglo-Indian, yeah.

00:45:47Guest:Huh.

00:45:48Guest:Did you feel more connected to India?

00:45:50Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:45:53Guest:My wife bought me this ring with Ganesh, the Indian deity.

00:45:55Marc:I love Ganesh.

00:45:56Marc:Yeah, I love the elephant.

00:45:58Marc:I don't exactly know what it represents, but I like having them around.

00:46:02Marc:I have a few Ganeshes.

00:46:03Guest:I've got a few at home as well.

00:46:05Marc:I don't know.

00:46:05Marc:Why are we compelled towards it?

00:46:06Marc:Do you know what it means?

00:46:07Marc:I have no idea.

00:46:08Marc:But it's a good looking thing, right?

00:46:09Guest:Yeah, I don't believe in the supernatural myself.

00:46:12Marc:You don't believe in it?

00:46:13Guest:No.

00:46:13Marc:No.

00:46:14Marc:What do you got in place?

00:46:15Marc:You got a god in place?

00:46:17Marc:No.

00:46:17Marc:Nothing.

00:46:18Marc:Just kind of winging it.

00:46:20Guest:I find the world quite interesting without it.

00:46:23Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:46:23Marc:Yeah, because it's possible to have hope and faith without having some mystical garbage in between.

00:46:31Marc:Yeah, people are fascinating.

00:46:32Guest:Oh, I think so too.

00:46:33Guest:And left to their own devices, they come up with much better ideas.

00:46:37Guest:Yeah.

00:46:37Guest:Like I just did a series on death, a television series in Britain, and we came to America and went various places.

00:46:44Guest:And one of them, in Austin, Texas, we went to a big exhibition of, you know, for undertakers and stuff like that.

00:46:52Guest:And one of the systems, instead of regular burial, they've got a soot.

00:46:58Guest:And I don't know how they do it, but they grow mushrooms on the soot.

00:47:02Guest:So they put the soot on you when you're dead.

00:47:04Guest:Yeah.

00:47:04Guest:And mushrooms grow and you become compost.

00:47:08Marc:Okay, so no coffin.

00:47:09Guest:No coffin.

00:47:10Marc:Just right in the ground.

00:47:11Guest:Just lying there.

00:47:12Marc:And what it does is it accelerates the rate of decomposition.

00:47:16Marc:That's right, yeah.

00:47:18Marc:And then you just immediately become plants.

00:47:20Guest:That's it.

00:47:21Guest:Huh.

00:47:21Guest:It really appeals to me.

00:47:22Marc:Is that how you're going to go?

00:47:24Guest:Well, I saw a funeral in Africa, in Gambia, where they just buried the guy vertically in a sheet.

00:47:32Guest:They just dug a hole and buried him in.

00:47:35Guest:That seems to be the normal way.

00:47:37Marc:Like straight up and down.

00:47:38Guest:Yeah, and I thought that's really sensible, you know, just a sheet to dissolve and become part of the earth that you came from.

00:47:45Marc:Yeah, well, the Jews, my people, they do just a plain wood box.

00:47:48Marc:That's right.

00:47:49Marc:Yeah.

00:47:50Marc:That probably takes a little longer.

00:47:51Marc:Yeah, as do the Muslims.

00:47:53Marc:Plain wood box.

00:47:54Marc:Yeah, there's a lot of common ground between the Muslims and Jews.

00:47:58Marc:It's really just a difference of boss guy.

00:48:00Marc:It's a difference of the deities are different, but a lot of the secondary players are all the same.

00:48:08Guest:Yeah, and they use a van.

00:48:10Guest:There's no hearse or anything like that.

00:48:13Guest:Muslims just put you in a van.

00:48:15Guest:They take you to the graveyard in a van in your box.

00:48:17Guest:And that's it.

00:48:18Guest:Yeah, and then they get into the grave with you.

00:48:20Guest:Really?

00:48:21Guest:And turn you towards Mecca and...

00:48:24Guest:So it's a big hole.

00:48:25Guest:Fill up the space, yeah.

00:48:26Guest:Huh.

00:48:26Guest:And then they come out.

00:48:27Marc:Well, I think that kind of, I find ritual like that interesting because it's really about, you know, maintaining a tradition and it's really about sort of guiding the living through that process.

00:48:37Guest:What I like about the Judaism and Islam forms of peril is they both include the family.

00:48:43Guest:Yeah.

00:48:43Guest:To clean and wash the person.

00:48:45Marc:Yeah.

00:48:45Marc:Yeah, I didn't do that.

00:48:46Marc:Say goodbye.

00:48:47Marc:With my grandfather.

00:48:48Marc:I don't know if I could have handled it.

00:48:49Guest:Yeah, I think it's slipping away as we live in suburbia.

00:48:52Marc:Yeah, well, people don't even die at home anymore.

00:48:54Marc:I mean, you know, when someone gets old, they're like, oh, we better ship him off.

00:48:58Marc:That's right.

00:48:59Marc:Ship him off where he can pee himself in peace.

00:49:01Marc:Yeah, where I don't have to clean him up.

00:49:04Marc:We'll show up when he needs the final bath.

00:49:07Marc:wrap him up do away with it oh my god do you find yourself thinking about it

00:49:16Guest:As I get older, I kind of tend to be thinking about it, but I'm not morbidly thinking about it at all.

00:49:22Guest:I refuse to believe it's actually going to happen.

00:49:24Marc:Oh, good, good.

00:49:25Marc:Yeah.

00:49:26Marc:Because that means I'm not the only one.

00:49:28Marc:I refuse to believe it.

00:49:30Guest:Oh, I'm going to live forever.

00:49:31Marc:Good for you.

00:49:32Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:49:32Marc:You will now.

00:49:34Marc:Eternal life.

00:49:34Marc:Yeah.

00:49:35Marc:When you think back at your life, how old are you now?

00:49:37Marc:71.

00:49:38Marc:71?

00:49:38Marc:Yeah.

00:49:39Guest:Yeah.

00:49:40Marc:So when you think back at it, because I always wonder, because my important memories change.

00:49:46Marc:They switch priorities sometimes as I get older and I rethink things or I figure out what had an effect on me.

00:49:54Marc:Do you have a place you go nostalgically?

00:49:58Guest:No, really.

00:49:58Guest:I find it changes all the time, just like you.

00:50:01Guest:It's just moments.

00:50:03Guest:You see, oh, those holidays when I was a child, when we stole apples from Mr. McGonagall's Orchard.

00:50:10Guest:Well, that was about three seconds that took.

00:50:13Guest:It was eight-week holidays.

00:50:15Guest:You know, you don't remember the holiday at all.

00:50:17Guest:Was that a real thing?

00:50:18Guest:Yeah.

00:50:19Guest:Mr. McGonagall?

00:50:20Guest:Oh, Mr. McGonagall.

00:50:22Guest:Poor bastard.

00:50:23Guest:Trying to grow apples in Glasgow.

00:50:25Guest:Serves them right.

00:50:26Guest:Come back here, you bastard.

00:50:30Marc:Having his wee dog.

00:50:31Marc:How many trees did he have?

00:50:32Marc:Three?

00:50:33Marc:Eight of it, 12 trees.

00:50:34Marc:12 trees, that's not enough.

00:50:37Marc:It's not enough.

00:50:37Guest:I was going over the wall.

00:50:39Guest:Yay!

00:50:40Guest:All those thugs.

00:50:41Guest:It's exciting.

00:50:41Guest:And we had them up our pullovers, you know, the lumpy pullover with the apples.

00:50:46Guest:And we'd take one bite and throw it away.

00:50:48Guest:Horrible assholes.

00:50:51Marc:So how did you evolve into comedy?

00:50:54Marc:So you come back from Nigeria.

00:50:55Guest:Well, I had played the banjo.

00:50:58Guest:I saw Pete Seeger on television and I thought, oh, I must get one of them.

00:51:01Guest:And I got a banjo and learned it.

00:51:03Guest:And I was doing folk clubs in my spare time.

00:51:06Guest:Pete Seeger.

00:51:07Guest:Yeah.

00:51:07Marc:And you got, oh, yeah, we were talking before you saw this old K guitar, the Sears guitar.

00:51:11Marc:Yeah.

00:51:12Marc:And what did the catalog say?

00:51:14Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:51:15Guest:Pete Seeger's book, it said, you don't need an expensive banjo to play well.

00:51:20Guest:It can be equally as well played on an inexpensive, a cheap banjo.

00:51:25Guest:Sears and Roebuck carry them.

00:51:26Guest:Yeah.

00:51:27Guest:And I thought, oh, I wonder who they are.

00:51:28Guest:Yeah.

00:51:29Guest:And I ended up wandering around record stores looking for albums of Sears and Roebuck, these guys who play cheap banjos.

00:51:35Guest:The guys are looking through the catalog saying, no, I can't find it.

00:51:38Guest:They'd never heard of Sears and Roebuck either.

00:51:40Marc:No, they didn't have it over there.

00:51:41Guest:But then I was doing the folk clubs in the evening.

00:51:44Guest:And after I'd been in Africa, I went to the Channel Islands, Jersey, and the English Channel to work in a power station there.

00:51:51Guest:And I was doing very well in the evening.

00:51:53Guest:I thought, why am I working?

00:51:54Guest:I'm going to give this a bash.

00:51:55Marc:You were doing well with the banjo and singing.

00:51:57Marc:What kind of songs were you singing?

00:51:59Guest:Appalachian, mostly.

00:52:00Marc:Really?

00:52:01Marc:And funny stuff.

00:52:02Marc:You still play?

00:52:03Marc:Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:52:04Marc:So you're singing Appalachian folk songs to British people.

00:52:09Guest:Yeah, they loved it.

00:52:10Guest:Yeah?

00:52:11Guest:It was great.

00:52:12Guest:Well, most of the songs are kind of banal.

00:52:15Guest:They're mostly about guys called Willie who murder their girlfriends.

00:52:18Guest:Yeah.

00:52:18Guest:Or they're about chicken pie or how do you get a raccoon out of a tree?

00:52:22Guest:Yeah.

00:52:23Guest:Simple stuff.

00:52:24Guest:Yeah.

00:52:25Guest:So between songs, I would be funny.

00:52:28Guest:Yeah.

00:52:29Guest:And the funny get longer and longer, and the songs get shorter and shorter.

00:52:33Marc:And what was the style?

00:52:34Marc:You would reflect on the song with your own experience?

00:52:36Guest:I would be funny about the song or whatever.

00:52:38Guest:And I remember the very first one I ever did, the first song I ever sang in public was called St.

00:52:42Guest:Brendan's Isle by a guy called Jimmy Driftwood.

00:52:45Guest:He's from Oklahoma, I think.

00:52:46Guest:And I...

00:52:47Guest:I panicked and forgot it halfway through.

00:52:50Guest:And then I said, well, I'm sorry, I've forgotten the words.

00:52:54Guest:And I started to tell them the story.

00:52:56Guest:It's about this guy.

00:52:57Guest:And they started to laugh.

00:53:00Guest:And I thought, ooh, me likey.

00:53:03Guest:Yeah, and it went down much better than the song would have ever done.

00:53:07Marc:Well, the connection's different.

00:53:09Marc:Yeah.

00:53:09Marc:It's very immediate, you know.

00:53:11Guest:I thought, ooh, I like this.

00:53:13Guest:Uh-huh, uh-huh.

00:53:13Guest:Yeah.

00:53:13Marc:And what was the song about?

00:53:15Guest:It was about St.

00:53:17Guest:Brendan sailing from Ireland to America, and then he finds an island which turns out to be a whale.

00:53:23Marc:And so you were just riffed on that.

00:53:25Guest:So I just riffed on it, yeah.

00:53:26Marc:And how long until you put the banjo down?

00:53:30Guest:Oh, it was years, but the space continued to grow between songs.

00:53:36Marc:But I think that's important, a tradition and difference between American stand-up and certainly some, I know for a fact, Irish stand-up, is that that type of storytelling is part of the culture.

00:53:51Marc:Oh, yes.

00:53:52Marc:It wasn't an unusual thing.

00:53:54Marc:I mean, I knew that when I first saw you.

00:53:55Marc:I don't remember the first time I saw you, but I did see you when you did that Westbeth run in maybe 2001.

00:54:00Marc:Oh, yeah, yes.

00:54:01Marc:Was it 2000 or something, like 15 years ago?

00:54:04Marc:And I saw that.

00:54:05Marc:And I noticed it also with guys like Tommy Tiernan.

00:54:09Marc:I love Tommy.

00:54:11Marc:Yeah.

00:54:11Marc:That they're there.

00:54:12Marc:And also the audiences in the UK and in Ireland, I noticed, and also in Scotland.

00:54:18Marc:I went to Scotland and I performed a horrendous show about my divorce, but I knew it was a story and it was one story in an hour.

00:54:26Marc:And I was nervous that they wouldn't sort of relate to my weird, neurotic Jewish ways.

00:54:30Marc:But the fact that it was story form, they locked in immediately.

00:54:35Marc:Right.

00:54:35Guest:Of course they do, and they do it all over the world.

00:54:37Guest:You can be in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, talking about your Glasgow school days, and they get it.

00:54:42Guest:Yeah.

00:54:42Guest:Everybody had school days.

00:54:44Guest:Everybody had a fat guy in the class.

00:54:45Guest:Everybody had a funny guy in the class.

00:54:47Guest:Everybody fell in love at that age.

00:54:49Marc:So they get it.

00:54:51Marc:So you never, ever thought, I guess at the time, I mean, when you were playing folk music and doing this, because people like Ramblin' Jack Elliott.

00:55:00Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:55:00Marc:I mean, there was a tradition of this.

00:55:03Marc:Of course there is.

00:55:04Marc:Arlo Guthrie.

00:55:05Marc:Yeah, yeah, just telling the story through the music.

00:55:07Marc:What was the scene like in where you were working?

00:55:10Marc:Were you part of a musician's scene at that time?

00:55:13Marc:Yeah, yeah, it was all that folky lounge bar stuff.

00:55:16Marc:But I always found that folkies were a little too earnest.

00:55:20Guest:Oh, yeah, that kind of folky.

00:55:22Guest:Yeah, they didn't like my kind of folkies at all.

00:55:24Guest:Yeah.

00:55:25Guest:Those guys who drink real beer and wear corduroy.

00:55:29Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:55:30Marc:Oh.

00:55:31Marc:Yeah, did you see that?

00:55:32Marc:Did you see the Llewyn Davis movie yet?

00:55:33Guest:Yes, I did.

00:55:35Marc:That guy.

00:55:35Guest:Yeah, absolutely.

00:55:37Guest:Well, that was all based on Dave Van Ronk.

00:55:39Guest:Ron Van Ronk, yeah.

00:55:40Guest:Yeah, the mayor of McDougal Street.

00:55:42Guest:Did you know that guy?

00:55:43Guest:Aye, I met him.

00:55:44Marc:Yeah.

00:55:44Marc:Yeah, I thought he was amazing.

00:55:45Marc:Yeah, he's the guy that sat around saying, you know, saying Dylan stole my shit.

00:55:49Guest:That's right, he did.

00:55:49Marc:Because Dylan recorded House of the Rising Sun and it was the big hit of his show.

00:55:54Marc:Yeah, right.

00:55:55Marc:Right.

00:55:55Marc:Him and Ramblin' Jack just, you know, their whole life is Dylan stole my shit.

00:55:59Marc:Yeah.

00:56:01Marc:But Von Rock, I don't know if he was a storyteller.

00:56:03Marc:He seemed like a pretty serious guy.

00:56:04Marc:Oh, yeah, he was.

00:56:05Guest:I saw him, yeah.

00:56:06Guest:Very funny.

00:56:07Marc:Very nice.

00:56:07Guest:When did you see him?

00:56:08Guest:I saw him in the Los Angeles...

00:56:11Guest:In the 70s or the 60s?

00:56:13Guest:Oh, no, no.

00:56:14Guest:That would be about the 90s.

00:56:18Marc:Oh, really?

00:56:18Marc:Yeah.

00:56:19Marc:So he was out doing it.

00:56:20Marc:Were it like McCabe's or something?

00:56:21Guest:McCabe's, that's exactly where I saw him.

00:56:23Guest:And he was on with Ramblin' Jack.

00:56:24Marc:Oh, he was?

00:56:25Marc:Yeah.

00:56:25Marc:Yeah, that was the Dylan Stole My Shit tour.

00:56:28Marc:That's right.

00:56:30Marc:In Search of Bob Dylan tour.

00:56:34Marc:Were you finding financial success as a folky?

00:56:38Guest:Well, I was getting by, and then I joined up.

00:56:41Guest:I had a band called the Humble Bums, and Jerry Rafferty joined, and we ended up just the two of us.

00:56:47Guest:Jerry Rafferty, Baker Street.

00:56:49Guest:And stuck in the middle with you and all that, yeah.

00:56:51Marc:Jerry Rafferty with Steeler's Wheel?

00:56:52Marc:Yeah.

00:56:53Marc:That was his band?

00:56:53Marc:Yeah.

00:56:54Marc:God, why didn't I know that?

00:56:55Marc:That's right.

00:56:56Marc:But Baker Street, man, I remember when that came out because I was in like junior high and that sax solo.

00:57:01Marc:Yes.

00:57:02Marc:Haunting, man.

00:57:03Guest:Absolutely.

00:57:06Marc:Yeah, you're like, oh my God.

00:57:08Marc:That's a beauty.

00:57:08Marc:Where are we?

00:57:09Marc:Yeah, man.

00:57:10Guest:And the funniest thing is I remember doing an interview about Jerry in Scotland.

00:57:14Guest:We had long parted and that had been out.

00:57:17Guest:And I said...

00:57:18Guest:I guarantee you, Jerry wrote every note of that saxophone solo.

00:57:22Guest:And then there was a big fight with Ralph Ravenscroft and Jerry as to whose music that was.

00:57:26Guest:And Jerry won it.

00:57:27Guest:Yeah, he did.

00:57:28Guest:He wrote that solo.

00:57:29Guest:He did?

00:57:29Marc:Yeah.

00:57:30Marc:Who's John Ravenscroft?

00:57:31Marc:He was the guy who played the... Oh, really?

00:57:33Marc:And he was claiming, I just riffed that?

00:57:35Marc:Yeah.

00:57:35Marc:And Jerry was like, fuck you, man.

00:57:37Marc:No, you didn't.

00:57:37Marc:I'm the one who went up to you and went... Can you do that?

00:57:41Guest:Yeah.

00:57:41Marc:Are you still friends with Jerry?

00:57:43Marc:He's dead.

00:57:43Marc:Oh, that's hard then.

00:57:44Guest:Yeah.

00:57:45Guest:It's difficult to be friendly with the dead.

00:57:46Marc:Well, you know, you've got memories.

00:57:50Guest:Absolutely.

00:57:51Guest:I texted him on his deathbed.

00:57:53Guest:Did you?

00:57:53Guest:Yeah, it was lovely, and he was laughing.

00:57:55Guest:He must be dead about three or four years now.

00:57:58Marc:Oh, man.

00:57:59Marc:But you were friends up until the end there?

00:58:01Marc:Yeah.

00:58:02Marc:What were you texting him?

00:58:03Guest:Oh, we were being funny and memories, you know, and I was talking about smoking dope using pages of the Bible as papers.

00:58:10Guest:Did you?

00:58:11Guest:We did that, yeah.

00:58:12Guest:Just because you could?

00:58:13Guest:I had seen it in a movie.

00:58:15Yeah.

00:58:15Guest:Was there any guilt on anyone's part?

00:58:18Guest:Not a bit.

00:58:21Guest:I don't know, but Jerry, he was thinking a lot about heaven towards the end.

00:58:24Marc:Oh, he was?

00:58:24Marc:Yeah.

00:58:25Marc:It's interesting, I think, what people think about towards the end.

00:58:28Guest:There was a definite disappointment in his voice when he was asking me about it.

00:58:32Guest:Do you believe it?

00:58:33Guest:And I said, no.

00:58:34Guest:Yeah.

00:58:35Guest:Oh.

00:58:37Guest:He was quite looking forward to it, I think.

00:58:41Guest:I don't know why he was looking forward to it because we were both brought up Catholics and I'd never met a priest on earth who could tell you anything about heaven.

00:58:48Guest:Yeah.

00:58:49Guest:But they knew every square inch of hell.

00:58:51Guest:Yeah.

00:58:52Marc:You know.

00:58:52Marc:Because that's where everyone goes.

00:58:54Guest:Yeah.

00:58:55Guest:Robert Burns said he can only presume it's because they've had a guided tour of the place.

00:58:59Guest:When I started Catholic school, Sister Philomena was a headmistress.

00:59:05Guest:And she had pictures of hell on her office wall.

00:59:08Guest:Oh, really?

00:59:09Guest:Yeah.

00:59:10Guest:I guess it was from Dante's Inferno.

00:59:11Marc:An illustration of Dante's Inferno?

00:59:13Marc:Yeah.

00:59:14Marc:Yeah, just sort of like, this is what happens if you don't listen to me.

00:59:18Guest:Because God's dead and it's your fault.

00:59:21Guest:Oh, man.

00:59:21Guest:That's the bit that always got me.

00:59:23Marc:That is true.

00:59:24Marc:He died for me, but I hadn't been born yet.

00:59:27Marc:I never heard it put that way.

00:59:29Marc:Like, you know, God is dead and it's your fault.

00:59:32Marc:I mean, like I get Jesus died for our sins, but I guess in my mind, because I didn't grow up with it, you know, God is God.

00:59:37Marc:Jesus is this other guy.

00:59:39Guest:And then there's a blessed Trinity.

00:59:40Marc:Yeah.

00:59:41Guest:The father, the son and the Holy Spirit.

00:59:42Guest:And they're all one.

00:59:43Marc:Yeah.

00:59:44Guest:But occasionally they'll say he gave his only begotten son.

00:59:47Guest:You say, wait a minute.

00:59:48Guest:It's the same guy.

00:59:49Guest:Connolly, stop it.

00:59:51Marc:Yeah.

00:59:51Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:59:52Guest:Pay attention and sit up straight.

00:59:53Marc:No logical out in school.

00:59:55Guest:Don't slouch.

00:59:56Guest:Sit up straight.

00:59:56Guest:That's the point.

00:59:57Marc:So you never got the terror.

00:59:59Guest:No.

01:00:00Marc:Oh, good for you.

01:00:00Marc:That's good, man.

01:00:02Marc:You must have had some fairly well-formulated darkness already.

01:00:07Guest:There's time yet.

01:00:08Guest:There's time for terror.

01:00:09Marc:Yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:00:10Marc:But it never sunk in.

01:00:12Guest:No, I have great difficulty with the supernatural.

01:00:14Guest:I'm listening to anybody whiffling on about it.

01:00:16Marc:Yeah.

01:00:17Marc:I like the word whiffling.

01:00:19Marc:That's going into the lexicon now.

01:00:21Marc:Whiffling on.

01:00:23Guest:Yeah.

01:00:23Guest:I kind of tired very quickly of people whiffling on about spiritual things, you know, because they're just making it up as they go along.

01:00:29Guest:They have to.

01:00:31Guest:Because it's made up originally.

01:00:32Guest:Of course it is.

01:00:33Guest:They're riffing on something that's already bullshit.

01:00:35Guest:Absolutely.

01:00:35Guest:And it leads to all sorts of anti-Semitic behavior and anti-Islamic behavior and...

01:00:41Marc:Yeah, I think in its essence, devoid of agenda, it makes people feel better, and I don't really have a problem with that if they stay decent people.

01:00:52Marc:If you're going to hang your hope on something and you have a certain amount of control over it, all right, there you go.

01:00:57Marc:But it's weird talking to somebody who believes you're going to hell.

01:01:00Marc:Yeah, it's ridiculous.

01:01:01Marc:And who are they to know?

01:01:02Marc:And if they're having that conversation with that tone of voice with you, they're obviously taking you there.

01:01:07Guest:Absolutely.

01:01:08Yeah.

01:01:09Marc:they've got pictures in the wall too yeah yeah they're recruiting for hiring uh so when was the transition like you were working with rafferty and you guys were having a good time yeah we split and uh we split very amicably split you know because it was getting awkward he was getting when i joined him i thought i would become a better songwriter and musician and i did but so did he yeah

01:01:34Guest:You know, he stayed 100 yards ahead of me all the time.

01:01:40Guest:And I was getting funnier.

01:01:42Guest:At the show.

01:01:43Guest:And enjoying it.

01:01:44Guest:He was sitting behind me more and more waiting for me to finish so as I could do his next work of genius.

01:01:50Marc:So there were two of you competing.

01:01:51Marc:Yeah.

01:01:52Marc:You were doing the funny and he was like, all right, I can show him up with this.

01:01:56Guest:Yeah, with equal success.

01:01:58Guest:We were drawing people who were attracted to both of us.

01:02:01Marc:It was lovely.

01:02:02Guest:That's great.

01:02:02Guest:So we decided at Queen Street Station one day, I said to him, you know, it's getting a bit awkward now, isn't it?

01:02:11Guest:You know, me getting funnier and you getting better, the songwriting and the music.

01:02:15Guest:Maybe we should split.

01:02:17Guest:And he said, that's a good idea.

01:02:18Marc:But amicably.

01:02:20Guest:Yeah.

01:02:21Guest:And the following day, he said to me, you know, it's getting kind of awkward with you getting funnier and me getting better song.

01:02:27Guest:Maybe we should split.

01:02:28Marc:It was his idea.

01:02:29Marc:Along with the sax solo.

01:02:32Marc:Yeah.

01:02:32Marc:Everything's his idea.

01:02:33Guest:Yeah.

01:02:35Guest:And Dave, so we split and I went solo and he formed a steelous wheel.

01:02:40Marc:And what was the original set for you?

01:02:42Marc:I mean, and who, what was your idea?

01:02:45Marc:Like, cause it seems to me that, you know, you speak in, uh, in, in, in, uh, uh, an every man's language that you're, you know, your appeal is that you, you tell stories that, that everybody can relate to.

01:03:00Marc:And, and was that just from training or was that from intent?

01:03:02Marc:Yeah.

01:03:02Guest:It just happened naturally.

01:03:04Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:06Marc:And what was the primary venue?

01:03:07Guest:And also with the shipyard working, you know.

01:03:10Guest:Because you know when you're in a big shipyard or a big factory, the door closes.

01:03:15Guest:Everybody immediately becomes very profane.

01:03:18Guest:Yeah.

01:03:18Guest:You know, effing blind and bloody fucking this and that.

01:03:23Guest:And they don't tell jokes.

01:03:25Guest:They are funny to one another or funny, sarcastic.

01:03:28Marc:Yeah.

01:03:29Marc:Taking the piss.

01:03:30Marc:Yeah, that was my training.

01:03:31Marc:Yeah.

01:03:31Marc:So that was the training.

01:03:33Marc:And then at that time, what are we talking about when you really started to do solo stand-up?

01:03:37Marc:Early 70s?

01:03:38Marc:Early 70s.

01:03:39Marc:So was that shocking in the UK, what you were doing?

01:03:43Marc:Yes.

01:03:44Marc:Publicly?

01:03:45Guest:Yeah.

01:03:46Marc:Taking the shipyard to the people?

01:03:47Marc:Yeah.

01:03:48Guest:Yeah, it was considered very unique, and it was unique.

01:03:51Guest:People have often said to me, guys, oh, he's really funny.

01:03:54Guest:He should be in the stage, that guy.

01:03:56Guest:And I like to think of myself as the guy who did it.

01:03:58Guest:You know, like, in my accent, it was even weird.

01:04:03Guest:You couldn't get...

01:04:04Guest:television or radio work because I spoke for such a strong Scottish accent it's okay now it's okay now and I like to think I was part of the breakthrough but the everybody then spoke like that I mean because when I'm in Scotland I don't know what I know they're speaking English and I'm like I'm like what the fuck I got one word I got one word out of that yeah it's kind of odd isn't it yeah

01:04:26Marc:Yeah, but you used to talk like that.

01:04:28Guest:Well, the thing is we don't move our lips when we speak like that.

01:04:31Guest:You speak like a postage box and you talk like that.

01:04:36Guest:Right, exactly.

01:04:38Guest:And there's a nasal quality that comes in like that.

01:04:42Guest:Does it get worse in different regions of Scotland?

01:04:44Guest:Oh, God, yeah.

01:04:46Guest:For instance, in Aberdeenshire, where my house now is, a Scottish house, like, hello is foot like.

01:04:52Guest:What?

01:04:52Guest:Yeah.

01:04:53Guest:What does that mean?

01:04:54Marc:What like?

01:04:55Marc:What is your life like?

01:04:56Marc:See, that's it.

01:04:57Marc:That's the code.

01:04:58Marc:What like?

01:04:59Marc:That's hello?

01:05:00Marc:Yeah, foot like.

01:05:02Marc:Okay.

01:05:03Guest:That's it.

01:05:03Guest:And a boy is, what is he, a loon.

01:05:06Guest:A loon.

01:05:06Guest:And a girl is a quine.

01:05:08Guest:So who hit the boy is fuff rap at a loon.

01:05:11Guest:But what are you speaking?

01:05:12Guest:Who hit the boy?

01:05:13Guest:Scots language.

01:05:15Guest:But what's a loon?

01:05:15Guest:Why a loon?

01:05:16Guest:I don't know.

01:05:18Guest:Quine comes from queen, I think.

01:05:20Guest:That's a fuff rap at a quine.

01:05:22Guest:Oh, my God.

01:05:23Guest:But it's English, kind of.

01:05:24Guest:Yeah.

01:05:25Guest:But it's Scottish.

01:05:25Guest:It's not a different language.

01:05:27Guest:No, it's not a language.

01:05:28Guest:Well, it is a Scots language, but people often mistake it for slang.

01:05:32Guest:But it's what the Scots made of Anglo-Saxon when it came along.

01:05:37Marc:Now, what about the sense of Scottish pride?

01:05:40Marc:How do you feel about it in the sense of were you ever part of the idea that it should be separate?

01:05:50Yeah.

01:05:50Guest:No, I've never been part of it.

01:05:52Marc:Okay.

01:05:53Guest:No, it's, it's, I, I don't know.

01:05:56Guest:I think it was the whole hippie thing, the sixties and the seventies, the idea that we could get together.

01:06:02Marc:I find really appealing, you know, and I think if more of the world got together, we'd be in much better shape, but you got no problem with the, uh, the queen and whatnot.

01:06:11Guest:I have no problem at all.

01:06:13Guest:Have you met her?

01:06:14Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:06:14Marc:Wow.

01:06:15Marc:And what was that?

01:06:18Marc:It's fun.

01:06:19Marc:Did she say, I like your filthy jokes?

01:06:21Guest:It's kind of strange because you don't speak to her.

01:06:25Guest:You speak when you're spoken to.

01:06:27Guest:So you have to wait till she speaks to you.

01:06:29Guest:And you can't touch them either.

01:06:31Guest:Oh, really?

01:06:32Guest:Yeah, because I touched Princess Anne once at a BAFTA.

01:06:36Guest:And I put my arm on her waist.

01:06:38Guest:She leant forward to say something to me and I just immediately put my arm around her waist.

01:06:43Guest:And I apologised to her and she said, oh, no, no, it was fine.

01:06:45Guest:Thank you very much.

01:06:46Marc:But you knew you had to apologize.

01:06:48Guest:Yeah.

01:06:49Guest:Oh, my God.

01:06:49Guest:You're not supposed to touch them.

01:06:50Guest:The royals.

01:06:52Guest:And that comes from the very early days, you know, when the people believed they were different and had blue blood and they were chosen by God and all that.

01:06:58Guest:Yeah.

01:06:59Guest:And it just sticks.

01:07:00Guest:Yeah.

01:07:01Guest:Don't touch them.

01:07:02Guest:Just wave.

01:07:03Guest:Because the divine right of kings and all that, they actually believed they were chosen by God in the past.

01:07:08Guest:So that lingers.

01:07:09Guest:Yeah.

01:07:10Marc:Yeah, well, there's hundreds of years of lingering.

01:07:14Guest:Hundreds of years of serious training of the working class.

01:07:18Guest:Well, that's your audience.

01:07:19Guest:Yeah.

01:07:20Marc:That's interesting.

01:07:21Guest:Because I remember the Duchess of Argyle was sitting behind me at a gig.

01:07:24Guest:I used to shoot for Jackie Stewart, you know, skeet shooting at the Glen Eagles and all the royals would be there and the gillies, all the country guys and the groundsmen and everything.

01:07:35Guest:Yeah.

01:07:36Guest:And the Duchess of Argyle was sitting behind me and I went, excuse me, and I touched on that.

01:07:40Guest:You'd think I was on fire the way she leapt.

01:07:44Yeah.

01:07:45Marc:It was very strange.

01:07:47Marc:So when you met the Queen?

01:07:49Marc:Yes.

01:07:50Guest:I had dinner with her.

01:07:51Marc:At the same table?

01:07:52Guest:Yeah.

01:07:54Marc:What was that event?

01:07:54Guest:She was sitting on my left.

01:07:56Marc:Yeah.

01:07:57Marc:Yeah, it was lovely.

01:07:58Marc:Right there?

01:07:59Guest:Absolutely right next to me, yeah.

01:08:01Guest:What was the event?

01:08:02Guest:It was a private dinner.

01:08:03Guest:It was for Fergie and Prince Andrew when they were married.

01:08:06Guest:We were friends of theirs.

01:08:08Guest:Uh-huh.

01:08:08Guest:And they invited us around for dinner.

01:08:09Guest:She didn't say the Queen was coming, but...

01:08:11Guest:The Duke of Edinburgh.

01:08:12Guest:It's lovely.

01:08:13Marc:So how did the... So you're sitting right next to her.

01:08:17Marc:How was the conversation?

01:08:20Marc:Well, mostly it was about other things, about horses.

01:08:25Guest:Very polite, I imagine.

01:08:26Guest:It was all very polite.

01:08:27Guest:Everybody was in the very best behavior.

01:08:33Guest:I don't like to say too much.

01:08:35Guest:It's considered very rude to tell everybody what she said.

01:08:37Guest:Oh, really?

01:08:38Guest:Yeah.

01:08:39Guest:By who?

01:08:40Yeah.

01:08:40Guest:By whom?

01:08:41Guest:By whom?

01:08:45Marc:Is it a secret?

01:08:47Marc:You were talking about horses.

01:08:48Marc:It's considered very bad manners to carry it off.

01:08:51Marc:Oh, really?

01:08:52Guest:Yes.

01:08:52Marc:So you're a mannered man all of a sudden when it comes to the queen.

01:08:56Marc:In search of the knighthood.

01:08:59Marc:Is that a desire?

01:09:02Marc:No.

01:09:02Marc:What the hell would you do with that, you and Elton John?

01:09:05Guest:I'm a commander of the British Empire.

01:09:08Marc:Yeah, it's a CBE.

01:09:11Guest:Really?

01:09:12Guest:Yeah, commander of the order of the British Empire.

01:09:14Marc:It feels to me like they're just handing them out lately.

01:09:16Marc:I don't see why the hell you shouldn't get one.

01:09:20Marc:It seems like they're giving everybody one.

01:09:22Marc:I was going to do a tour of the British Empire.

01:09:24Guest:Unfortunately, it doesn't exist anymore.

01:09:27Yeah.

01:09:27Marc:what good is a commander of the empire when yeah i mean what's what's paul mccartney gonna do with that he's already conquered the world absolutely he's bigger than the british empire much bigger and richer yeah yeah yeah but elton johnson knight he's a knight and uh mccartney's a knight

01:09:48Guest:Well, you can't become... Oh, yes, you can become a knight if you're Irish.

01:09:52Guest:Like, Geldof is one, but you can't... How did that fucker get that before Bono?

01:09:56Guest:How did Geldof... Because he did band-aid.

01:09:59Marc:Oh, because he helped the poor.

01:10:00Guest:Yeah.

01:10:03Guest:But you can't use Sir.

01:10:05Guest:You can't use the title Sir.

01:10:06Marc:You can't be a Sir if you're from Ireland.

01:10:08Guest:That's right.

01:10:09Marc:What do you get?

01:10:10Marc:Nothing.

01:10:12Marc:That shit will never end, I guess, huh?

01:10:14Guest:But your place at the table, it would say Sir Bob Geldof.

01:10:19Marc:Right.

01:10:19Marc:But you can't use it as a title.

01:10:20Guest:They wouldn't verbally say it to you.

01:10:22Marc:Because of manners or because it's just not your earned, you're not a sir, you're an knight, but you're not a sir because you're Irish.

01:10:27Guest:That's right.

01:10:27Guest:You're not of this soil.

01:10:29Marc:Okay.

01:10:30Marc:All right.

01:10:30Marc:So you sat with the queen and you got to keep that a secret because of good manners.

01:10:35Marc:But, you know.

01:10:37Guest:She didn't tell dirty jokes or anything.

01:10:39Guest:There's nothing to be hidden.

01:10:40Marc:Okay, fine.

01:10:41Marc:I understand.

01:10:43Marc:I wasn't expecting it to be a riveting conversation.

01:10:45Marc:I was surprised.

01:10:52Marc:I'm just surprised at your oath.

01:10:56Marc:Your oath of manners.

01:10:58Marc:Maybe it's better off because if you were to tell me at this point, it'd be like, she said the meat was good.

01:11:03Marc:But I'm not going to come to dinner at your house and tell everybody what you said either.

01:11:09Marc:okay all right well i'll remember that i'll remember that when i want to have a secret dinner billy billy no there's a difference between secret and private no i i okay that's true that's true uh private is a matter of manners secret's a matter of like are you my friend or what absolutely yeah you can't fucking tell anybody this because i'm in trouble

01:11:31Guest:And you have to wear fancy clothes for secrets.

01:11:32Guest:You have to wear badges.

01:11:34Marc:For private or secret?

01:11:35Guest:You have to join the Freemasons.

01:11:36Guest:For private?

01:11:37Marc:No, for secret.

01:11:38Marc:Well, yeah.

01:11:40Marc:So that is the queen then.

01:11:42Marc:That was secret.

01:11:43Marc:You had to dress up, didn't you?

01:11:45Marc:No.

01:11:45Marc:Okay.

01:11:46Marc:You did, though.

01:11:47Marc:No, it was private.

01:11:52Marc:You just have to wash yourself.

01:11:55Marc:You don't want to smell right.

01:11:56Marc:But because of manners, no one would have said anything.

01:11:59Guest:I'll tell you the nicest thing that happened.

01:12:02Guest:Balmoral, the castle that you spend the summer in, is very close to my Scottish house, about three or four miles.

01:12:08Guest:And Prince Andrew phoned one day and said, do you want to come over for tea?

01:12:11Guest:And I said, oh, great.

01:12:12Guest:Pamela and I went over and...

01:12:14Guest:As I drove in, the whole family were lined up.

01:12:17Guest:Oh, really?

01:12:18Guest:Outside, yeah.

01:12:19Guest:To welcome you?

01:12:20Guest:Yes.

01:12:22Marc:Oh, my God.

01:12:23Marc:Oh, my God.

01:12:23Marc:It was the strangest thing.

01:12:24Marc:But, I mean, to really think about the sort of disparity between that and what I imagine you grew up in.

01:12:32Marc:Absolutely.

01:12:33Marc:It's totally foreign.

01:12:35Marc:But it's foreign to everybody.

01:12:37Marc:I mean, I guess that was the way of the monarchy and the aristocratic class.

01:12:43Marc:Oh, yeah.

01:12:44Marc:But what you come from is what most people are.

01:12:48Marc:So isn't there a moment where you're like, what the fuck is this bullshit?

01:12:53Marc:What am I doing here?

01:12:55Marc:This is their whole day.

01:12:56Marc:They just spent an hour lining up and preparing to line up just because a car was pulling up.

01:13:02Marc:You know, like if you grow up anywhere else, it's like we have things to do.

01:13:05Guest:So I played John Brown, who was a... Oh, that's right.

01:13:09Marc:That was great.

01:13:10Guest:And Mrs. Brown.

01:13:12Guest:And so the Duke of Edinburgh took me away.

01:13:14Guest:My wife was whipped in with the Queen into the castle and the Duke of Edinburgh took me away and his Land Rover...

01:13:19Guest:Yeah.

01:13:20Guest:To show me the John Brown spots where he lived and the statue of him and all that.

01:13:24Guest:It was great.

01:13:25Guest:Oh, that's amazing.

01:13:26Marc:Yeah.

01:13:27Marc:Did he know the spots where, you know... Oh, yeah.

01:13:29Marc:Yeah.

01:13:30Marc:This is the stable where they used to... They all deny it, of course.

01:13:35Marc:Yeah.

01:13:36Marc:Do they?

01:13:36Marc:Publicly, of course, they have to.

01:13:38Marc:Right.

01:13:38Marc:Well, they try to.

01:13:39Marc:And now it's hard to deny anything.

01:13:40Marc:Absolutely.

01:13:41Marc:It's gotten a little more difficult to say, I didn't do something.

01:13:44Marc:Well, here's a picture from a plane of you doing it.

01:13:48Marc:So...

01:13:49Marc:But that was interesting, that movie, because in the same way about manners and about, if I recall correctly, even though that affair was a real thing, it was mannered in its... Oh, yeah, there was a social standing took place.

01:14:06Guest:Right, right.

01:14:07Guest:He had to mind his manners when he was with her.

01:14:09Guest:They couldn't speak to her in a certain way.

01:14:11Guest:Like when I called her a woman, for God's sake, woman.

01:14:13Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:14:14Guest:She was utterly shocked.

01:14:16Yeah.

01:14:17Marc:You know, it's extraordinary.

01:14:19Marc:Well, you know, that tone will shock most women.

01:14:24Marc:Royalty or not, for God's sakes, woman, you'll get that same look from almost any woman.

01:14:30Guest:Like, what?

01:14:30Marc:You get that from Rosie the Riveter.

01:14:32Marc:Sure.

01:14:33Marc:So what was the big break as a comic for you?

01:14:37Marc:You know, about when did that happen?

01:14:38Guest:That would be in the 70s.

01:14:40Guest:I was on Mike Parkinson's show, which was like Johnny Carson in Britain.

01:14:48Guest:And I did very well.

01:14:51Guest:I'll tell you what...

01:14:52Guest:The following day was a Sunday, and I was going back to Scotland.

01:14:56Guest:It was filmed in London, televised in London, and I live, and I was in the airport, and a Chinese guy asked me for my autograph, and I thought, ooh.

01:15:06Guest:Something's different.

01:15:07Guest:How weird is this?

01:15:07Guest:But when I got to Glasgow Airport, they all applauded as I was walking through.

01:15:13Marc:Oh, really?

01:15:13Marc:Yeah.

01:15:14Marc:Local boy makes good.

01:15:15Guest:Yeah.

01:15:16Marc:You did it.

01:15:17Guest:That was, and I knew, oh, my God, I've done something very big here.

01:15:19Guest:What was the bit?

01:15:21Guest:It was a story about a guy who had murdered his wife and he buries her in a little shed outside in his garden.

01:15:33Guest:Yeah.

01:15:33Guest:And he takes his friend in to see it.

01:15:35Guest:But he's left her ass sticking out of the ground.

01:15:37Guest:Yeah.

01:15:38Guest:And he said, what did you do that for?

01:15:39Guest:And he said, I need somewhere to park my bicycle.

01:15:41Guest:Okay.

01:15:42Yeah.

01:15:42Marc:That was it.

01:15:45Marc:Yeah.

01:15:45Marc:And I imagine that at that point, no one had ever said anything like that on British television.

01:15:50Guest:Nobody had ever said remotely like that.

01:15:52Guest:Nothing.

01:15:53Guest:Because people forget how the world changes.

01:15:55Guest:Comedians forget, especially the new ones.

01:15:58Guest:I remember being in a hotel.

01:15:59Guest:I remember the Garrion Hotel in Motherwell, and I said, fart.

01:16:04Guest:And it just took the room to bits.

01:16:06Yeah.

01:16:07Guest:But you could be openly racist.

01:16:10Guest:I think there's still minstrel shows in the UK.

01:16:12Guest:Yeah.

01:16:14Guest:Yeah.

01:16:14Guest:Well, there was when I was growing up.

01:16:15Guest:Right.

01:16:16Guest:Black and white minstrel show.

01:16:17Marc:Yeah.

01:16:18Marc:Hello there.

01:16:19Marc:Yeah.

01:16:19Marc:It lasted there longer than anywhere.

01:16:22Guest:Yeah, and there was black guys in the show, but most of them were white, made up to be black.

01:16:26Guest:Very weird.

01:16:27Marc:Yeah.

01:16:27Marc:So, okay, so you broke this barrier.

01:16:30Guest:But comedy was openly racist in those days.

01:16:33Guest:And I wasn't, but because I came from that folky background, you know, a sort of left-wing sort of- Sure.

01:16:41Guest:Considered itself more intellectual background.

01:16:43Guest:But some of the guys that you were- The guys doing nightclubs and all that were openly racist.

01:16:48Guest:Yeah.

01:16:48Marc:And guys you work with.

01:16:49Guest:Yeah, guys I worked with.

01:16:51Marc:And was there, you know, it's a weird position to be in, but was there any conversation about that?

01:16:56Marc:It's hard when you know it's wrong, but it's their personality.

01:16:59Guest:No, there wasn't much conversation.

01:17:01Guest:It was just the done thing.

01:17:04Guest:But we didn't have things like he chewed me down.

01:17:06Guest:That's exclusively American.

01:17:10Guest:That shocked me when I came to America.

01:17:12Yeah.

01:17:12Marc:But there's characterizations of Jews.

01:17:14Marc:Like I actually encountered some strange and cultured anti-Semitism in England in conversation.

01:17:22Marc:Yeah.

01:17:22Marc:The assumptions about a Jew.

01:17:24Marc:Oh, yeah.

01:17:25Marc:Yeah.

01:17:26Marc:Someone will say, well, the Jews.

01:17:27Marc:And I'm like, oh, I'm a Jew.

01:17:28Marc:Oh, really?

01:17:29Marc:Yeah.

01:17:29Marc:You don't look.

01:17:29Marc:Let me look at your nose.

01:17:31Marc:And they don't have any problem saying something like that.

01:17:33Guest:I'm like, you know, that's the thing that always confused me when I was younger.

01:17:38Guest:They would talk about Jews and they would go into this weird accent that they supposed was Yiddish.

01:17:43Guest:Yeah.

01:17:43Guest:I had never heard anybody speaking in Yiddish.

01:17:46Guest:But I knew some Jewish guys who didn't speak.

01:17:47Guest:Yeah.

01:17:47Guest:that.

01:17:48Guest:I thought, why do they do that funny voice when they're talking about shoes?

01:17:52Guest:I just couldn't get it.

01:17:53Guest:So I didn't get the racist gene.

01:17:57Marc:Well, that's good.

01:17:58Marc:So the language of and the idea of the bike, where I park my bike and the death and the sort of hilarious morbidity of it

01:18:07Marc:was did did you plan on doing that bit you know before you went on the show or did it no it just happened it did it really yeah so you're like that's an exciting moment where you're like i know this is gonna fucking shake shit up and in and the energy of yeah it's a lovely thing to do it's sort of like it's electric it's coming out and it's addictive as well yeah oh was it it was live tv

01:18:27Guest:Well, it wasn't actually live, but it went out about an hour after you had done it.

01:18:31Guest:But they didn't cut it.

01:18:32Guest:They didn't cut it.

01:18:33Guest:They left it in because it ripped a place to bits.

01:18:36Marc:They'd never heard anything like that.

01:18:39Marc:It's a rare event in life where you can actually land on the moon.

01:18:43Marc:Absolutely.

01:18:44Marc:It's like Bill's Eye.

01:18:46Marc:Boom.

01:18:47Marc:Home run.

01:18:48Guest:He just did something that's never happened before.

01:18:51Guest:Absolutely.

01:18:52Guest:And the airwaves were alive with it all week.

01:18:55Guest:Did you see that guy, Connolly, on the Parkinson?

01:18:58Guest:Oh, my God.

01:18:59Guest:it that joke and the people still talk to me today about the joke and it was 1974 I did it it made that much of an impact yeah that's amazing so from that moment on and the guy who told me it was in Spain we were going to a football match Scotland and Spain yeah and we'll be walking along the street and he went hey Billy

01:19:17Guest:Did you hear the one about it?

01:19:19Guest:And I leant against a wall laughing and he walked away.

01:19:21Guest:I've never met him again.

01:19:22Marc:So it was just an old joke that you reframed somehow.

01:19:25Guest:And on the limo going into BBC, my manager, Frank Lynch, said, whatever you do, don't tell that joke about the ass sticking out of the ground.

01:19:33Guest:Yeah.

01:19:34Guest:Right.

01:19:34Guest:Okay.

01:19:35Guest:And it was the biggest mistake he ever made.

01:19:37Guest:I had no intention of doing it.

01:19:39Marc:So the idea that it was sort of an old joke didn't bother you.

01:19:41Marc:Not in the least.

01:19:42Yeah.

01:19:44Marc:That's a different tradition.

01:19:46Marc:Oh, absolutely.

01:19:47Marc:If his joke is good and it's an old joke.

01:19:49Guest:If it's good, that's all it needs.

01:19:50Marc:And it doesn't have specific authorship, do it.

01:19:53Marc:Boof.

01:19:55Marc:Straight in.

01:19:56Marc:Lead with the forehead.

01:19:58Marc:How much of your earlier material was street jokes versus stories?

01:20:02Guest:About a third street and about two-thirds stories.

01:20:05Guest:And the story part kept growing and growing and growing.

01:20:08Guest:But I kept the street stuff in.

01:20:09Guest:I still do.

01:20:10Guest:I still tell jokes when I hear a good one.

01:20:12Marc:Yeah.

01:20:14Marc:But I think that probably trained you in some way, especially if you're good long jokes.

01:20:18Marc:Oh, yeah.

01:20:19Marc:After you did that.

01:20:19Marc:So then you started, you were a comedian.

01:20:21Marc:You were a force to be reckoned with.

01:20:22Marc:And this is before the stand-up comedy boom.

01:20:25Guest:I read in the newspaper I was a comedian.

01:20:27Guest:I always thought I was a funny folk singer.

01:20:29Marc:Uh-huh.

01:20:30Guest:Yeah.

01:20:30Guest:And then I saw it.

01:20:31Guest:And I'd wanted to be a comedian, but I wasn't sure how you do that because there was vaudeville was still alive as it still is in Scotland.

01:20:38Guest:And there was a nightclub circuit.

01:20:40Guest:But as I said, most of them were doing kind of racist stuff.

01:20:43Guest:They were wearing blue mohair suits.

01:20:45Guest:Right.

01:20:45Guest:They all look like Perry Como.

01:20:46Guest:Right.

01:20:47Guest:And I didn't know I was too scruffy.

01:20:50Guest:I had shoulder length hair and a beard and I looked like a tramp.

01:20:55Marc:Well, I don't think that that first wave of stand ups, even like, you know, Carlin or Pryor or Cheech and Chong wasn't until 72, 73.

01:21:02Marc:And there certainly wasn't any.

01:21:05Marc:uh sort of stand-up comedy scene in in the uk at that time of that that's right well i guess that carlin and then were doing it in the college campuses yeah right out of the road of the public right and i was doing it in folk clubs right where you could fill the concert hall the people next door never heard of you yeah and so when you started doing it there there wasn't really a comedy scene other than that old style

01:21:30Guest:No, there wasn't anything.

01:21:31Guest:There was no such thing as a comedy club.

01:21:33Marc:Most of the guys here that you talked to who were part of that before there was a comedy club, they opened for musicians and bands.

01:21:38Guest:That's right.

01:21:39Guest:I did that as well.

01:21:39Guest:I opened for Elton John.

01:21:41Marc:Oh, really?

01:21:42Guest:Yeah, 1976.

01:21:43Guest:Yeah.

01:21:44Guest:Madison Square Garden for a week.

01:21:46Guest:Oh, come on.

01:21:47Guest:Oh, God almighty.

01:21:49Guest:And I wasn't on the program, and I wasn't on the marquee or anything, so a voice would say, Ladies and gentlemen, oh!

01:21:58Guest:It's the worst gig in the world.

01:22:07Guest:Oh, God.

01:22:08Guest:Frisbees coming at you.

01:22:10Marc:Hoping for music.

01:22:11Marc:Jesus, it was nightmarish.

01:22:13Marc:Half of them are standing.

01:22:15Guest:Absolutely.

01:22:16Marc:So you and Elton were friends?

01:22:18Guest:Oh, yeah, I still am.

01:22:19Marc:Yeah?

01:22:19Guest:Yeah, I love him.

01:22:22Marc:And he was trying to help you out.

01:22:23Marc:Yeah.

01:22:24Marc:So every night you'd come, you know, covered with, you know, bruised from a Frisbee.

01:22:28Marc:You'd walk off stage.

01:22:30Marc:What would Elton say?

01:22:32Guest:Oh, God.

01:22:33Guest:And I got hit with a pipe.

01:22:34Guest:Somebody threw a pipe at me.

01:22:36Guest:Yeah.

01:22:36Guest:Ostensibly to give me a smoke, you know, but it hit me in the eye and I fell in my ass because I didn't see it until the last second and it came into the spotlight and hit me between the eyes.

01:22:44Guest:Oh, God.

01:22:45Guest:Oh, Jesus.

01:22:46Guest:What did Elton say?

01:22:47Guest:Nightmare.

01:22:48Guest:Did he say a good try?

01:22:49Guest:He laughed.

01:22:52Marc:He loved it.

01:22:53Guest:Every second of it.

01:22:54Marc:He loved it.

01:22:56Marc:So when did you start touring legitimately and when did the scenes start to build around you?

01:23:02Marc:Because I imagine people like Tommy Tiernan and there's a couple other guys that I saw when I was in Edinburgh that clearly are following a tradition of what you did.

01:23:12Marc:I mean, I think you sort of established that element of stand-up comedy.

01:23:17Guest:I did doing it behaving like a rock star, you know, doing the concert halls.

01:23:20Marc:Yeah.

01:23:22Guest:Like a rock band.

01:23:22Marc:So because of the appearance in the ass joke, I imagine that you were like a working class hero to the people.

01:23:30Guest:That's exactly what happened.

01:23:32Marc:Right.

01:23:32Marc:You freed the language.

01:23:33Guest:That's right.

01:23:34Marc:Of the common folk.

01:23:36Marc:Right?

01:23:37Guest:I don't like to say yes, but I think that happened.

01:23:39Marc:To, you know, to like, he's our guy.

01:23:41Marc:Yes.

01:23:42Marc:You know, he talks like us.

01:23:43Guest:Absolutely.

01:23:44Guest:And the funniest thing, my influences were like Jimmy Logan and Scottish comedians.

01:23:49Guest:i'd heard on the radio because they would make a breakthrough when i was a teenager what kind of stuff were they doing they were doing sort of a sitcom stuff on the radio but in a glasgow accent right and i thought oh my god you can do it you can be funny in my accent right so that was the influence and then you know you so pretty pretty quickly you started filling concert halls

01:24:09Marc:yes and that and it's it's never really stopped and that's in the mid 70s yeah that's astounding congratulations that's extraordinary you did it you're one of a kind you're the only billy connelly absolutely the very first when did you make the break uh in in the states because you do all right here

01:24:28Marc:I do okay.

01:24:28Marc:I've got a following.

01:24:29Marc:Yeah.

01:24:31Marc:Mostly either Anglophiles or people from the UK?

01:24:35Marc:It's about 50-50.

01:24:36Marc:Uh-huh.

01:24:37Guest:Yeah.

01:24:38Marc:Yeah.

01:24:38Marc:And I think you're like seeing their dad.

01:24:40Marc:Like in a way, it's sort of like you bring them back home.

01:24:43Guest:That's right.

01:24:44Guest:Plus, most Americans think of an actor.

01:24:47Yeah.

01:24:48Marc:Right, because of the movies.

01:24:49Marc:Yeah.

01:24:49Marc:Yeah, and they don't know this part of you.

01:24:51Guest:They don't know that part.

01:24:52Guest:They see me on talk shows, but that's kind of rare.

01:24:54Marc:Yeah, yeah.

01:24:55Marc:Why don't you, you don't like doing them?

01:24:56Guest:I like them, but usually you need to be doing something to be on it, you know, pushing a book or a movie or something.

01:25:02Marc:Uh-huh.

01:25:03Guest:So that's the only times I'm ever doing it.

01:25:05Marc:Yeah.

01:25:05Marc:And do you still feed on the laughter?

01:25:07Marc:Does it still like?

01:25:07Marc:Oh, yes.

01:25:08Marc:Really?

01:25:09Marc:Oh, yes.

01:25:10Marc:You'll just go.

01:25:11Guest:It's molten bronze.

01:25:12Marc:It's lovely.

01:25:13Marc:Uh-huh.

01:25:14Marc:And this new, what's the tour now?

01:25:16Marc:Is it a bunch of new stuff or what are you doing?

01:25:19Guest:No, I've never got any new stuff.

01:25:21Guest:Because I don't write at home.

01:25:23Guest:I don't do that.

01:25:25Guest:I just kind of add to what I've got organically.

01:25:28Guest:It's an evolving conversation.

01:25:30Marc:So you don't know if it's going to be new stuff.

01:25:32Marc:I don't have no idea.

01:25:34Marc:But you're going to tour.

01:25:35Guest:I've got plenty to talk about anyway.

01:25:38Marc:Yeah.

01:25:39Marc:What's the longest you've been up there?

01:25:42Guest:On stage?

01:25:43Marc:Yeah.

01:25:43Guest:Four hours.

01:25:44Marc:Really?

01:25:44Guest:Yeah.

01:25:45Marc:I usually do about two.

01:25:47Marc:Where was the four?

01:25:48Yeah.

01:25:48Guest:It was in Dunedin in New Zealand.

01:25:51Guest:I was talking away and I have a little clock on stage inside the stool that I use.

01:25:58Guest:And I thought, holy shit, it's quarter past 11.

01:26:00Guest:I've been on for three and a quarter hours.

01:26:03Guest:So I said to the audience, listen, I've been on for three and a quarter hours.

01:26:07Guest:Do you fancy we'll take it to midnight?

01:26:08Guest:And I said, because I've always made it a point to come off the same day I went on.

01:26:13Guest:Let's go till tomorrow.

01:26:14Guest:And they went, yeah!

01:26:15Marc:so i did it and then and i was in the town hall and at midnight the bell and the town hall went bong and the audience went crazy he did it yeah that's fucking beautiful and you're going back there right i'm going back yeah so and everything else i've got stuff to do in the hobbit as well what yeah while i'm there is that were you in the other ones i don't watch no i'm in this next one it's exciting christmas it's already shot i'm a dwarf

01:26:42Guest:really a very large dwarf or did they dwarf you for it they dwarfed us uh-huh there's lots of dwarfs in it and they're all normal size guys but they they put the stuff on you that makes you look really wide uh-huh they make you up really wide and false bits of head and big hands and all that you shrink what did you shoot that in new zealand yes and how many how long was that shoot three months and with peter jackson

01:27:05Guest:Yeah.

01:27:05Guest:Well, I was there for three months, so I didn't shoot that long.

01:27:07Marc:Was it exciting?

01:27:08Marc:Oh, yeah.

01:27:10Marc:It's like a magical place there.

01:27:11Marc:I've never been there, is it?

01:27:12Guest:I think they make movies like people used to make movies.

01:27:16Guest:You know, like I was in the studio and there was a scene before I'm in it where the dwarves are coming down a river that's outraged.

01:27:26Guest:It's just plummeting down out of control, this river.

01:27:29Guest:And they're in a barrel.

01:27:30Guest:Each of them are in its own barrel as they...

01:27:33Guest:plummet down the river and all fighting and so and i went to watch it i was flabbergasted you know the the way they did it that's the way they used to make movies here yeah but they're doing it down there in new zealand just on location for real yes they just built the thing and did it

01:27:48Marc:That's beautiful.

01:27:50Marc:And you got a pretty big part?

01:27:52Marc:Oh, no.

01:27:53Guest:Well, it was a big part.

01:27:54Guest:I'm the king of the dwarves.

01:27:55Guest:Oh, that's good.

01:27:56Guest:But I've become the king when they kill the old king.

01:27:59Guest:So it's the end of the battle I come into my own.

01:28:02Marc:But you don't die at the end.

01:28:03Guest:So I'm not on that long, but I'm quite important.

01:28:05Marc:You don't die, though?

01:28:06Guest:No, I don't die, which is unusual.

01:28:08Guest:My children hate it.

01:28:09Guest:I die in almost every movie.

01:28:12Guest:It must be terrible watching your father die.

01:28:15Guest:So when I'm going to do a movie, they always say to me, do you die?

01:28:21Marc:But maybe you'll come back for the next one.

01:28:23Marc:They don't seem to stop making these things.

01:28:25Marc:Yeah.

01:28:27Marc:How's your health?

01:28:28Marc:Not so hot.

01:28:29Guest:Well, it's getting better now.

01:28:30Guest:I had prostate cancer and I have Parkinson's disease.

01:28:35Marc:How long have you had that?

01:28:36Guest:Well, I was only told about it in August.

01:28:39Marc:Oh, really?

01:28:39Marc:Yes.

01:28:40Marc:New?

01:28:41Marc:It's new.

01:28:41Marc:Fresh?

01:28:42Marc:Fresh and new.

01:28:43Marc:Yeah.

01:28:44Marc:And they got you on the good meds or what?

01:28:46Guest:Well, I was on the meds and they took me off.

01:28:48Guest:They said the side effects were stronger than the effects.

01:28:51Marc:Uh-huh.

01:28:51Marc:What were those?

01:28:53Guest:Well, there's a little shaking going on.

01:28:55Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:28:55Guest:But the side effects were...

01:28:58Guest:I didn't get any of this, but it's supposed to be over-sexed and interest in gambling.

01:29:02Guest:So if you see anybody in Las Vegas with an erection, he's got Parkinson's disease.

01:29:08Marc:The guy at the blackjack table with a boner shaking uncontrollably.

01:29:13Marc:He's on Parkinson's medication.

01:29:15Marc:You'd be in craps for that little disease.

01:29:16Marc:That's it.

01:29:17Marc:Yeah, he's got... Why is he still doing that without the dice?

01:29:23Marc:There you go.

01:29:24Marc:You got a new 10 minutes.

01:29:25Marc:LAUGHTER

01:29:27Marc:Thank you, Mark.

01:29:29Marc:Yeah, anything I could do to help.

01:29:31Marc:It was great talking to you, man.

01:29:32Marc:I appreciate you coming by.

01:29:33Marc:Oh, my pleasure.

01:29:39Marc:Fucking lovely man.

01:29:41Marc:I really appreciate talking to him, and I'm glad he made the time to talk.

01:29:44Marc:And I really recommend that.

01:29:46Marc:If you haven't seen Billy, you should see Billy, because he really is one of a kind, and he is a maverick in his own way, that's for sure.

01:29:52Marc:That is it, man.

01:29:53Marc:That is it.

01:29:56Marc:Boomer lives!