Episode 452 - Jon Wurster, Mike Vecchione, Scott Aukerman, Kyle Dunnigan
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Pow!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Guest:What's wrong with me?
Guest:It's time for WTF!
Guest:What the fuck?
With Mark Marrow.
Guest:All right, let's do this.
Guest:How are you, what the fuckers?
Guest:What the fuck buddies?
Guest:What the fuckineers?
Marc:What the fuck nicks?
Marc:This is live WTF at Bumper Shoot in Seattle.
Marc:Thank you for coming.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:Yeah, woo it up.
Marc:I don't give a shit.
Marc:It's rare.
Marc:It's rare that I invite the woos.
Marc:But that was, yeah, that's my favorite, the out-of-context woo.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, that was a slightly insecure woo.
Marc:That sounded like a woo that was the first woo for you.
Marc:Woo, like there was a question mark at the end of that woo.
Guest:Woo, uh-huh.
Marc:Yeah, that's desperate.
Marc:That's a...
Marc:That's a very desperate woo.
Marc:That's a poorly parented woo.
Marc:That's what that is.
Marc:I had a woo in, I don't know where the hell I was.
Marc:It was wherever the, oh, in Denver.
Marc:Someone wooed and then just sort of improvised with it.
Marc:It was like, woo!
Marc:Just like Coltrane to woo.
Marc:I like being here.
Marc:It's nice to be in Seattle.
Marc:I like this festival.
Marc:I don't like being in it, but I like, as soon as I get outside, my contempt for people becomes very prominent.
Marc:I honestly, and I'm glad you're here, but I don't know how the fuck people think this is fun.
Marc:I don't know if it's age, but I don't think it was that.
Marc:I've always felt that way.
Marc:I see a lot of people out there that seem to just think that they should be having fun, and they can commit to it.
Marc:I've just never been that kind of person.
Marc:We're doing it.
Marc:We're having fun.
Marc:That doesn't last for me.
Marc:It's already gone.
Marc:No, but then I try to romanticize it.
Marc:Like, but this is people, you know, it's like a temporary community of people enjoying art, enjoying things.
Marc:And then you're like, oh, except for that asshole.
Marc:You know, that guy just fucked up the entire community just with his weird fucked up energy.
Guest:Woo!
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:But I love Seattle.
Marc:I've always loved it.
Marc:I went through a bad period with it, you know.
Marc:But I'm back.
Marc:No, my ex-wife was from here.
Marc:So for years, I referred to it as fuck Seattle.
Marc:Yeah, but that's over.
Marc:No, I'm perfectly happy to be here.
Marc:What else?
Marc:I know I'm missing Eric Burden and the animals right now.
Marc:It was weird.
Marc:I was looking at the schedule like, who the fuck am I going to miss?
Marc:I'm like, Eric Burden and the animals.
Marc:And then there's that moment where you're like, well, maybe it's not us.
Marc:No, I like Eric Burden, but it's not, you know, people get older and some people fare well with that.
Marc:Others, you're like, you know, don't you have enough money to stop?
Marc:You must have enough money to stop.
Marc:Is that rude of me to say?
Marc:Like, you should probably just be sitting down.
Marc:I know there's an urge to continue the legacy that you had, what, 40 years ago.
Marc:But, you know, I don't know if anyone's, you know.
Marc:But I feel bad for saying that because, you know, they're artists and they should be able to do their thing to as many people as they can convince.
Marc:It's still relevant to do it.
Marc:My haircut turned out okay, thank you for asking.
Marc:No, no, it was touch and go.
Marc:I thought I was old enough to weather a frighteningly bad haircut.
Marc:But I don't think you age out of that.
Marc:I was surprised.
Marc:I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but perhaps because you may be fans of mine, you might understand the crushing blow to your identity a bad haircut can cause.
Marc:When I got this haircut initially, I don't even know if I talked about this on the podcast.
Marc:But I went to the place where I get one of those buzz cuts maybe once or twice in the summer.
Marc:It's not a life thing.
Marc:It's not something I used to do.
Marc:I used to pay a lot of money for fucking haircuts.
Marc:But then at some point, I decided I'm a fucking man.
Marc:I should be able to just go to a man's haircutting place and have the guy just buzz the shit and be like, yeah, that's good enough.
Marc:I should be able to handle that.
Marc:I'm a grown man.
Marc:I should be able to weather that storm and just be like, you know, I can work with this.
Marc:And the first time I got at the place, though it was a little affected, I enjoyed the haircut.
Marc:Short on the sides, long on top, had sort of a retro thing.
Marc:But the haircut place I've talked about on the podcast, I know I have.
Marc:They're doing a complete sort of 1920s, 1930s bullshit thing where you walk in, you got to put your name on a board and then sit there and wait for them to cut other people's hair.
Marc:They don't let you drink coffee.
Marc:They won't let you use your cell phone.
Marc:You can only sit.
Marc:They have Playboy magazines there.
Marc:I'm like, you know, you're pushing it.
Marc:This is fucking ridiculous.
Marc:It's not 1940.
Marc:Maybe you should take reservations.
Marc:There's 19 people on that board, you ass.
Marc:So...
Marc:So I go in there, I put my name on the board.
Marc:I'm like number four for my guy, Rudy.
Marc:You know, they all wear the white and they got the, you know, the whole thing.
Marc:And I'm there two fucking hours, you know, and Rudy's still got another guy who needs his fucking handlebar mustache waxed, you know, and that in and of itself was enough to get me a little riled.
Marc:But this is what's embarrassing about me.
Marc:By the time I decided to leave, it had to be a statement.
Marc:So I get up, there's four other guys there, they're all cutting, the other guys are cutting hair, and I just erase my name off the blackboard and go like, see ya fellas, and I walk out.
Marc:Like that'll show them.
Marc:Then I went to another razor cut place out of spite.
Marc:Never get a haircut out of spite is what I learned.
Marc:I'm like, well, fuck them.
Marc:There's a guy down the street from me that does razor shit.
Marc:How hard could it be?
Marc:Yeah, that's what I did.
Marc:So, but there's a fine line between the classic sort of vintage short haircut, man's haircut place and the hip hop place.
Marc:The hip hop place is a different vibe.
Marc:Like I went in there and the guy's like, do you want your haircut?
Marc:And I'm like, no, I don't know now.
Marc:You know, like I don't, yeah.
Marc:I'm not judging you.
Marc:I'm not being, you know, not profiling in any way, but I don't know if I fit here.
Marc:But by that point, I was seeing red at the fucking douchebags at the other place.
Marc:I'm like, yeah, just fucking give me the cut.
Marc:And he goes, you just want a man's haircut?
Marc:I'm like, yeah, you know, short on top.
Marc:I mean, long on top, short on the side.
Marc:He's like, yeah, a man's haircut.
Marc:I'm like, yeah, I want a man's haircut.
Yeah.
Marc:I don't know how many are on that list.
Marc:I mean, what's the rest of that list?
Marc:Man's haircut, women's haircut, and what, is that it?
Marc:I mean, I don't know what, did I miss it?
Marc:So he just fucking butchers my hair, and it doesn't even look right when I'm in the chair.
Marc:It's fucked up, it's layered wrong.
Marc:And he's like, good?
Marc:And I'm like, yeah, I guess it's good.
Marc:And then I went home, and for four hours, I didn't know who I was.
Marc:Like, it was a real problem.
Marc:Some emails, quick emails, and then we're gonna bring out the guests.
Marc:Subject line, Jew filter.
Marc:That one could go either way, right?
Marc:Gotta read that one.
Marc:Big fan of the show, serious question.
Marc:Can you ask iTunes to create a filter so I can just download the episodes where you're interviewing Jews?
Marc:That's kind of my jam, thanks.
Marc:Gabe.
Marc:Of course it was Gabe or Isaac or Jacob or Marty.
Marc:All right.
Marc:This one's pretty precise.
Marc:From one self-loathing egotist to another, every day you help me bullshit myself into feeling like I may have a chance in this world after all.
Marc:And I mean that.
Marc:Thank you, and I'll be stroking your ego soon.
Marc:But when I read that, I was like, that is all we do.
Marc:Bullshit myself into feeling like I may have a chance in this world.
Marc:That's all any of us do.
Marc:If you really think about it, it's really existential and kind of horrifying when you really think like, why do I think I'll succeed?
Marc:Oh, because I'm deluding myself completely.
Marc:You have no choice.
Marc:It's either that or paralyzing self-pity.
Marc:which we all have to go through for a little while.
Marc:You don't know how to unfuck yourself until you're fucked.
Marc:I'm fucked.
Marc:WTF and kids.
Marc:Mark, I've heard you contemplate losing the what-the-fuck montage at the front of your show, and while I'm never a big fan of change, I think I'd be okay if you went with something different.
Marc:But let's just be clear, you shouldn't do it because of the fucking kids.
Marc:I am a mom of a three-year-old.
Marc:Both me and my partner are big fans of the show.
Marc:My son's imaginary friend is Mark Maron.
Marc:Uh...
Marc:My son hears your podcast, or at least is in a listening radius, because let's be honest, three-year-olds don't pay attention very much.
Marc:In our house, we don't censor very much adult talk, so he most certainly didn't get swearing from you.
Marc:He said the other day very loudly at the park, hey, mama, check out that fucking slide.
Marc:It's awesome.
Marc:So don't do it for the kids.
Marc:Jessica.
Marc:P.S.
Marc:Kids are the most amazing, humbling, and fun experience.
Marc:You won't regret one second of it.
Marc:Do it.
Marc:Yeah, okay.
Marc:What the fuck, you fucker?
Marc:Subject line.
Marc:You fucking douche.
Marc:You finally guilted me into buying the premium app.
Marc:It was fucking cosmic.
Marc:Your Jew boy guilt-ish, guilt-a-fish fucking self-loathing nuked my uber-Catholic pedophiliac priest fucking self-loathing.
Marc:And I fucking bought the premium fucking app, WTF.
Marc:Fuck you and fuck me for needing to go back and relive some of the most favored moments since you fucking started your self-loathing, douche-sucking, belly-gazing, self-centered me, me, me bullshit from the garage.
Yeah.
Marc:You're the best.
Marc:Bob.
Marc:Jerking while WTF redux.
Marc:Just started listening to the podcast and I decided to go back and listen to some older WTFs at a live episode.
Marc:I heard you read the email from a listener who jerked off while listening to you.
Marc:Believe me, I thought this was strange also.
Marc:However, after I got home, I needed to jerk it and was too high to figure out where your podcast was coming from.
Marc:And too lazy to care.
Marc:As you may have guessed, I ended up jerking off while listening to you.
Marc:The experience has left me somewhat emotionally confused, although I do feel closer to you.
Marc:I also feel like we just knowingly jerked off in the same room as each other, and now I don't want to make eye contact.
Marc:I'm not sure if you just won a new fan, but you have earned my respect.
Marc:Good luck with everything, Brian.
Marc:The best moment in this whole email is, I needed to jerk it.
Marc:That seems so specific, and I think most people are like that.
Marc:It's not like, I think maybe I got a little time.
Marc:I think I have a nice time with myself.
Marc:I needed to jerk it.
Marc:Completely identify with that.
Marc:Kind of like this one, because I guess these are my fans.
Marc:Sorry I missed you.
Marc:This is what my life has come to.
Marc:I'm sitting alone in my apartment in my underwear at 2 in the morning writing you a pathetic fan email.
Marc:I've consumed everything you've produced in the last few months.
Marc:I've listened to WTF every week since April.
Marc:I've watched all but one or two episodes of Mare and I just finished Attempting Normal.
Marc:I was really looking forward to seeing you perform stand-up for the first time.
Marc:Not that this is the first time you've performed stand-up.
Marc:I mean, it's the first time I was going to see you.
Marc:I couldn't figure out how to phrase that sentence to avoid the ambiguous meaning, so I left it as it was.
Marc:Then added this stupid parenthetical note.
Marc:Like I said, I was really looking forward to seeing you perform stand-up for the first time.
Marc:Earlier in the day, I decided to go for a long bike ride.
Marc:It was the longest ride I'd been on since I bought the bike last month.
Marc:It was really nice.
Marc:Grundle pain notwithstanding.
Marc:When I got back, I decided to treat myself to a beer.
Marc:Then I treated myself to four more.
Marc:Then I took a nap.
Marc:I set an alarm for 7 o'clock so that I have enough time for a bite to eat before meeting a friend at a comedy works in downtown Denver at 8.30.
Marc:Unfortunately, I neglected to turn the alarm on.
Marc:Why is that the default setting on the iPhone?
Marc:You set an alarm and then you have to turn the alarm on?
Marc:That's why I fucking set it, so that it would be on.
Marc:Anyway, I jolted out of bed five and a half hours later to numerous missed calls, text messages, and Facebook messages from my friend whom I inadvertently stood up.
Marc:Now I'm wide awake because I've already swept about as much as I sleep in a typical night.
Marc:I just jerked off and picked up Wendy's.
Marc:I got there as the drive-thru was closing.
Marc:They were out of Frosty's, but they gave me a free drink and all the remaining chicken nuggets.
Marc:And I got home just in time for the final act of the Shawshank Redemption.
Marc:So I guess you could say things are looking up.
Marc:I hope you come back to Denver soon.
Marc:Maybe I'll even wake up for your show.
Marc:All right, let's start the show, the guests and things.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:My first guest, I think, is playing with every band at the festival after this show.
Marc:He regularly plays with his band Super Chunk and the Mountain Goats, and he's going to be playing with Bob Mould at 6.15.
Marc:He's also a frequent guest and collaborated with Tom Sharpling on The Best Show.
Marc:Please welcome John Wurster to the stage.
Marc:Hi, buddy.
Marc:John Wurster.
Guest:Hello.
Guest:Hello.
Guest:I have to take you to task for something.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:Something minor.
Marc:Thank God.
Marc:Make it easy.
Guest:It was Johnny Ramone who said, never let them see you before the show.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Johnny Ramone apparently had a little more mystique than I do.
Marc:I enjoy immediately breaking the fourth wall to lower the expectations.
Marc:See, that's my system, is that I come out and I go, hey, we'll see what happens.
Guest:How are you going to fail after that?
Guest:True, but they need to think that you just got off a helicopter.
Marc:That would not be a good show.
Marc:I'd be like, holy fuck.
Marc:Holy fuck.
Marc:Helicopters are stupid.
Marc:That'd be my whole monologue.
Marc:And they are.
Marc:They are.
Marc:Have you been on a helicopter?
Guest:Never.
Guest:No.
Marc:No, you haven't?
Marc:No.
Marc:You've never been flown in?
Marc:They look stupid.
Marc:Yeah, they're ridiculous.
Marc:If you're not in combat, there's no reason for them.
Marc:No.
Marc:You've never been flown in for a gig?
Marc:I've been catapulted to a gig.
Marc:No.
Marc:No, I haven't either.
Marc:Come on.
No.
Marc:I was on your wiki page and doing a little research.
Marc:Now, did you put Charlie Daniels on there as somebody you played?
Guest:That's true.
Marc:I played with Charlie Daniels.
Marc:Now, wait.
Marc:Let's go through this list.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Super Chunk, Mountain Goats, Ben Gibbard, Katy Perry, New Pornographers, REM, Alejandro Escovito.
Marc:What album were you on?
Guest:I played on a record called, it's called, is it called A Man Under the Influence?
Guest:I played on a song called Castanets.
Guest:And the funny thing about this song is that somebody made an official iPod mix for President Bush.
Guest:And it was on it.
Guest:And Alejandro was mortified that this song was on it.
Marc:I like him.
Marc:He's a great songwriter.
Marc:All right, so then we get down this list, and there's Charlie Daniels.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Now, how did that fucking happen?
Guest:I think the year was 2000.
Marc:Oh, it goes back.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And I got called by a friend who...
Guest:I went to college with my brother.
Guest:His name is Stacy Wall.
Guest:And he's gone on to become this very successful commercial director.
Guest:And he was doing a commercial for UPS with Charlie Daniels.
Guest:Charlie Daniels singing The Devil Went Down to Georgia, but it was tweaked.
Marc:For the UPS.
Guest:And it was about a race car driver named Daniel.
Guest:Dale Jarrett said his name.
Guest:I have no fucking idea and it was like Dale Jarrett is a race car driver and he and so I played the drums Yeah, with Charlie Daniels in this commercial.
Guest:Yeah, and on bass.
Guest:Yeah was Kyle gas Yeah, who had never played a stand-up bass before that day
Guest:And I don't think he would mind me telling this story, but I believe his agent may have lied to the director and said, oh, yeah, he can play.
Guest:He can play on one of those big upright basses.
Guest:He'll do anything you need him to do, Kyle.
Guest:And so we had to cut the audio of this song in a trailer just to make sure the audio was there, just to have it.
Guest:And so we're playing it.
Guest:I'm all like my little brushes, and Charlie's playing.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:And Kyle's playing, but it's obvious that he's not really...
Guest:It's not his first instrument.
Guest:And so Charlie goes, son, do you know how to play that?
Guest:And he goes, not really.
Guest:And Charlie, to his credit, he was so cool.
Guest:He just goes...
Guest:Well, here's how you do it.
Guest:And he showed him, and Kyle was great and played great.
Marc:So Charlie showed him how to play the stand-up bass?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Now, was there, like, in terms of, like, I don't know a lot about drumming, but you've been drumming since what?
Marc:You were, like, born?
Guest:Ten.
Guest:Age ten.
Guest:Professionally?
Guest:First gig was August 21st, 1981.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:And who was that with?
Guest:Hair Club for Men?
Guest:What are you talking about?
Guest:That was my band, yeah.
Guest:Oh, it was?
Guest:It was called Hair Club for Men.
Guest:How come that got no applauses?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Usually there's some fucking music nerd who's like, I got that cassette.
Guest:No, yeah.
Marc:We had a shirt.
Marc:That's all we had.
Guest:No recorded evidence?
Guest:Oh, no.
Guest:Hair Club for Men?
Guest:No.
Guest:I was 14, and the oldest guy in the band was 28, which is quite a...
Guest:A chasm.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But he was sort of like, was he a failure?
Guest:No.
Guest:No.
Guest:He was... No.
Guest:I had great respect for him.
Guest:Of course you did.
Guest:I grew up in... He's letting you play drums in a band.
Guest:I know.
Guest:I grew up in like a Mennonite town.
Guest:Get out.
Guest:In Pennsylvania.
Guest:They're the ones that... They're okay with lights.
Guest:It's a step hipper than Amish.
Guest:Right.
Guest:They have cars.
Guest:They have cars.
Guest:Black.
Guest:Black cars.
Guest:And they can't...
Guest:that they have TV.
Guest:I don't think they do.
Marc:I think, like, I'd see them because you go, like, I remember driving through Pennsylvania and you'd stop at a diner and then you'd see the Mennonites get out of a car.
Marc:And I always thought that they made that exception in their religion just to have one up on the fucking homage.
Guest:It must be.
Marc:Just so they could sort of honk and go, how's that going for you?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Did you have any run-ins with the Mennonites?
Marc:How often do you hear that question?
Guest:First time.
Guest:I do remember we had Mennonite friends down the street.
Guest:And one day we had the... For real friends?
Marc:Or just sort of like, go talk to them, John.
Guest:It started as go talk to them, John.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:But then it became, you know.
Marc:You should make friends with the religious freaks.
Marc:And one day, well.
Marc:Whatever.
Guest:One day, we had the son over and we watched TV.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he was over every day just, can I watch TV?
No.
Marc:Can I watch the magic box?
Guest:Can I watch anything?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:All right, so you're going to play with Bob Mould and Super John.
Marc:In a couple minutes, yes.
Marc:Now, yeah, one, really one for Bob Mould.
Marc:Come on, guys.
Marc:Bob Mould invented half of what's going on out there.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:So when you play with Bob Mould, like, now, like, I don't understand drumming, because I don't drum.
Marc:Do you just pick that shit up?
Marc:I mean, you've got to know all the songs.
Marc:I mean, what's the... I know this might sound stupid to you, but, like, do you... I know you rehearse.
Marc:Maybe you have no... We don't rehearse.
Guest:You don't rehearse.
Guest:I've been in the Bob Mould band five years.
Guest:We've rehearsed three times.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:He just likes to fucking wing it?
Guest:We just...
Guest:Kind of, yeah.
Guest:I mean, we know the songs, and I was a huge fan of his when I was a kid.
Marc:Of all incarnations, Husker Du, Sugar, then the acoustic stuff?
Marc:Yes.
Guest:Yeah, big Husker Du fan.
Guest:I saw them when I was probably 16, when I was a kid in Philly.
Marc:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Back when they were like, you know.
Guest:Love Hall, saw them with White Cross, Circle of Shit.
Guest:That was a real band.
Marc:Circle of Shit.
Guest:Minute Men.
Marc:Yeah, Minute Men.
Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Here's what happened with me and Bob Mould just before the show.
Marc:I have not had him on WTF.
Marc:I'd like to have him on WTF.
Marc:I met him once, and I was in the artist area having some food, and I saw Bob Mould playing ping pong.
Marc:And the reason I knew he was playing ping pong was there were two punk rock girls going like, Bob Mould's playing ping pong.
Marc:I can't believe it.
Marc:He's playing ping pong.
Marc:Should we go over there?
Marc:Bob Mould is playing ping pong.
Marc:And I thought, if that's not a song that you guys are working on, you're stupid.
Marc:I like it.
Yeah.
Marc:And then I saw him come in, and I did that horrible thing where I'm like, all right, I've met him once, and he knows of me, and I know of him.
Marc:Is he going to look at me and go, hey, Mark, or is he just going to not acknowledge me at all?
Marc:And he didn't acknowledge me at all.
Guest:I think that says more about the intensity and the focus of his ping pong game.
Guest:So you're still coming down like he's like still fucking just seeing.
Guest:I think he was thinking about each.
Guest:What do you call this?
Marc:Is it a swat?
Marc:What is it?
Marc:I don't know what the official term is.
Guest:Paddle?
Marc:The pop?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:It's a winkle.
Marc:It's a winkle.
Marc:I think it is a winkle.
Marc:Well, yeah, you could sell that.
Marc:I believe you.
Marc:If you would have confidently said, oh, the winkle, I'd be like, is that what it's called?
Marc:And you would have went, yeah.
Marc:And I would have went, all right, that's something else I learned.
Marc:Winkled the fuck out of it.
Marc:Is this how you dress to drum with Bob Mould?
Marc:No, I dress like this with the mountain goats.
Marc:They're not here, though.
Marc:They're not here, but I've grown.
Marc:So John has you wear this?
Marc:He says, could you please dress formally?
Guest:No, I think we just sort of fell into it.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Peter dresses way nicer than me.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You're a bunch of dandies up there?
Marc:Total dandies.
Marc:So what do you dress?
Marc:What do you wear with Bob Mould?
Marc:Nothing?
Guest:If I could.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:The thinnest possible.
Guest:I've worn the same shirt for every show since 2007.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Eight.
Marc:Is that a mystical thinking thing?
Guest:It's the thinnest black shirt I could find.
Marc:Why?
Marc:Because you know you're going to sweat your ass off?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because it's a workout.
Guest:It's like a boxing match.
Marc:With Bob Mould.
Guest:It's more like, what's the thing where the guys are in a cage and they wear like the panties?
Marc:Ultimate fighting.
Marc:They're kind of like panties, right?
Marc:I was going to go with gay porn, but ultimate fighting's fine.
Marc:There's a fine line.
Marc:There really is a fine line.
Marc:It is?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm not sure what I'm watching sometimes.
Guest:So that's really heavy duty.
Marc:And I always watch it longer than I really should.
Guest:I know.
Marc:Hey, there's no reason you can't learn new things about yourself.
Marc:Always time to change your life completely.
Marc:So, thin shirt for Bob Moulds.
Guest:Very thin.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And what about with Super Chunk?
Marc:Do you have a special shirt?
Marc:Medium white.
Marc:Medium.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I wore the same shirt for our entire two years of touring also.
Guest:But do you wash it?
Guest:You sweat in it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You rinse it in the sink.
Guest:You hang it up.
Guest:And it's good to go.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Now, do you like festivals?
Yeah.
Guest:I like them okay.
Guest:They're always too hot.
Guest:Like, I sweated so much on the way over here, you know?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But, I mean, do you like the crowds?
Marc:I mean, do you enjoy being rock and roll royalty?
Marc:I consider you rock and roll royalty somehow.
Guest:Oh, you're nice.
Marc:No, you have to be.
Marc:Well, thank you.
Marc:John Worcester.
Marc:The Kid.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, is that what they call you?
Marc:The Kid?
Marc:No, no.
Marc:They don't call me anything.
Marc:But do you ever ask?
Marc:Lucky they let me in the gate.
Marc:But you're, like, obviously, I just can't fucking believe, like, you played with Katy Perry.
Marc:What does that even fucking mean?
Yeah.
Marc:I didn't even know she used instruments.
Guest:Well, that's a funny story, too, and I'll try to breeze through it.
Guest:I was contacted by a friend who's a producer.
Marc:You just get calls from people who are like, dude, we got a Charlie Daniel situation.
Guest:That's a band name.
Marc:I like that.
Marc:Dude, Katy Perry's in trouble.
Marc:She needs your drums.
Marc:What is this call?
Guest:I got a call from a friend of mine, and he said, I have to put together a little drum group to play with Katy Perry at the VMAs.
Guest:This was 2009.
Guest:A drum group?
Guest:Yeah, just bass drums and timpanis.
Guest:Four guys playing along with the backing track of Queens' We Will Rock You.
Guest:Boom, boom.
Guest:They got the official sample of that.
Guest:The four guys were doing that and Katy Perry was going to sing the song and Joe Perry of Aerosmith was playing the solo.
Marc:Just because they have the same last name?
Guest:No.
Marc:Honestly, I think they were trying to get the fucking kind of crackpot organization.
Marc:We need a drum circle and we're going to have Joe Perry play because they have the similar last name.
Marc:They're very close to each other on the call sheet.
Guest:In all honesty, I think they were trying to get Slash.
Guest:I'm serious.
Guest:Rock's only guitar player.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Dave Navarro, Rock Southern guitar player.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So we practiced.
Guest:We rehearsed once or twice.
Marc:With Katie.
Guest:And she was very nice.
Marc:And Joe.
Marc:Joe was there.
Guest:Joe wasn't there the first day.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Joe came in the next day.
Guest:But my only interaction with Katy Perry was, she said, you look familiar.
Guest:And I said, I've been around.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And that was it.
Guest:That was it.
Guest:That was it.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Marc:How about Joe?
Marc:Does Joe talk?
Marc:I get the feeling he doesn't talk.
Guest:Joe didn't talk.
Guest:He was nice, but I think he was nervous.
Guest:Really?
Guest:He had never played the solo before.
Guest:He'd heard it probably a million times.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Oh, from the Queen song.
Guest:Like that iconic solo.
Marc:Brian Maso.
Marc:Oh, shit.
Marc:He made it his own.
Marc:Oh, he decided to crap out, like not even rise to the challenge.
Marc:Like in the last moment, he said, fuck this, I'm Joe Perry.
Marc:And he did a Joe Perry thing.
Marc:He's Joe Perry.
Guest:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:Gotta love Joe Perry.
Guest:He's got the leather pants.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:And now with the stunning gray streak.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, it's very nice that he's keeping that part natural.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, look, what happens now?
Marc:You and Tom Sharpling do amazing things.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:Big fans.
Marc:Big... What do you... What?
Marc:That was a good amount of applause, but you guys are fucking comic geniuses on that show.
Marc:And I think everyone should know about it.
Marc:If you don't listen to the best show on WFMU, you should listen to it.
Marc:Okay?
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:John works with Tom Sharpling in several different characters, if you don't know.
Marc:We're not going to do... I'm not going to tell him to do a character, but...
Guest:All right.
Guest:You just want to go down shore and go see REO Speedwagon's playing down at the penalty box.
Marc:You like REO Speedwagon?
Guest:All my friends from Vancouver have been raving about seeing REO Speedwagon last night.
Guest:I guess they played somewhere last night.
Guest:Are you telling the truth now?
Guest:I swear to God, yes.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:As soon as you are willing.
Guest:I can name every member of the original RMO Speedwagon.
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You ready?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Kevin Cronin.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Gary Richrath.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Neil Dougherty.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Alan Grazer.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Bruce Hall.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Keep on rolling, man.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:They were a pretty big deal, you know, and now not so big a deal.
Marc:I...
Guest:They're loved in Vancouver.
Guest:Are they?
Guest:Last night they were, yeah.
Marc:I saw, like, some friend of mine's got some sad story about being in the same town with REO Speedwagon.
Marc:They were staying at the same hotel, and Kevin Cronin, is that his name?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Was that the happy hour at the hotel doing, like, karaoke and dancing, and just sort of like, I'm from REO Speedwagon.
Marc:I'm like, yes, you are.
Marc:Yes, you are.
Marc:All right, well, why don't you go play with Bob Mould.
Marc:John Wurst.
Guest:Thank you, everybody.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:That's great.
Marc:Great to see you.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Where are you, Mac?
Marc:Mac from Superchunk is here.
Marc:Where are you, buddy?
Marc:Oh, right there, Mac from Superchunk and Merge Records, purveyors of fine independent music for the last quarter century.
Marc:How long has Merge been around, Mac?
Marc:Holy fuck.
Marc:We're getting fucking old.
Marc:It's stupid, right?
Yeah.
Marc:Man, I was watching Todd Berry last night, and we started together, and I'm just looking at him going like, oh, it's happening.
Marc:We are entering that period.
Marc:I don't think I'm going through a midlife crisis yet, but I don't know if I would be able to identify that, because I think in order to have a midlife crisis, you have to have some semblance of a life.
Marc:Like, you know, there has to be some shift.
Marc:You have to have some element going on where you're like, fuck this, I'm doing this now.
Marc:And that's just the way I've always been.
Marc:So...
Marc:Right now, it's my pleasure to bring a comedian from New York up who I feel like I've seen him around, but we never really hung out, and we're going to do it now.
Marc:Mike Vecchione, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Mike Vecchione.
Marc:What's up, man?
Marc:Thank you, Mark.
Marc:Let's do it.
Marc:All right, cool.
Marc:Come on, dude.
Marc:What do you got?
Marc:Okay, I'm going to say right out, right out of the gate here.
Marc:Like, look at him, man.
Marc:Like, wouldn't you judge him immediately?
Marc:How many of you are judging him immediately?
Marc:No.
Marc:Like, I know him kind of.
Marc:I've seen him do some comedy.
Marc:When I first saw him hang around comedy clubs, I was like, that guy's not allowed.
Marc:He's not one of us.
Marc:That can't be one of us.
Marc:He's a different kind.
Guest:No, this is the kind of haircut that you were talking about.
Guest:It is almost.
Marc:That's more of a flat top, though.
Marc:And I assume you've probably been getting that most of your life.
Guest:Yeah, but I just have no other choice on how to cut it.
Guest:Like, I would like to be hipper, but it will just fro out.
Guest:Like an Italian fro?
Guest:An Italian Jew fro.
Guest:An Italian Jew fro.
Guest:Nothing wrong with that.
Guest:according to your email no uh so all right so where do you come from i'm originally from northeast ohio youngstown which is a dead steel town by the way i just like want the crowds to like me out here and if they don't i'm just gonna not recycle so i don't know what happens what happens to you you're gonna make a promise to them i'm gonna
Guest:to not recycle.
Guest:I'm not going to do it.
Guest:And you're going to put me in a prison made of wicker, probably.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:It's a biodegradable... The wicker prison.
Guest:Prison.
Guest:But I was eating a whole food, so I didn't even know where to throw anything out.
Guest:I was like, this is recyclable.
Guest:This is biodegradable.
Guest:I'm like, I'll just put it in my backpack.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:and uh figure it out when i go back to the hotel so because where you just look does exude like uh cop um i'm a cop during the day but i ultimate fight at night because i have an unlimited amount of testosterone but uh i'm really like a mild like uh more of a soft-spoken guy but then why do you look like that i i don't know it's uh blame jesus
Guest:Believe me, I do.
Marc:So, but wait, but what were you?
Marc:I mean, was there some, did you...
Marc:Like, did you hit a wall with whatever this was and then become a nice guy and decide to just leave the rest of it?
Guest:No, I was always like, become a nice guy.
Guest:Like I was a villain at first.
Guest:I was an evil person.
Marc:I have bad associations with, I make assumptions about guys who look like you.
Marc:I think we all do.
Marc:And I think most of us are about halfway into thinking that you're not that guy.
Marc:No, I'm not that guy.
Marc:No, you're not.
Marc:You're a very sweet guy.
Marc:What did you do before comedy?
Marc:Did you just kick gay people's asses?
Guest:I actually did go to school for criminal justice.
Guest:I did, but I wanted to be a lawyer.
Guest:My father was like an old school Italian.
Guest:He's an old school Italian guy.
Guest:He's like, be a lawyer.
Guest:But when I was growing up, he would never let me question anything.
Guest:He would just be, do what you're fucking told.
Guest:So then it was time to be a lawyer.
Guest:I'm like, I don't think I'm going to be good at being a lawyer.
Guest:he's like why not i'm like because you never let me question anything you just told me to do what i was told and i don't know if lawyers don't work that way you have to be able to like question i'm dating a jewish girl i'm italian 100 italian that happens and like uh her family we just had dinner last night and they're very like methodic and thinking and and you know that's why we're we're better and you guys are the
Marc:So you had dinner.
Marc:Her family's from here?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Seattle Jews.
Marc:Yeah, Seattle Jews.
Marc:Rare, rare.
Marc:They ran away from something.
Marc:Where were they?
Guest:Germany, I think.
Guest:No, come on.
Guest:Jesus.
Guest:No, but she's like super smart.
Guest:So we'll be arguing and she'll like, she'll like drop three words that I don't understand.
Guest:And at first I was too embarrassed to say anything because I didn't want her to think I was stupid.
Guest:But now I call her and I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're saying.
Guest:So I'm going to look up the words because I'm like a working guy.
Guest:I'm a worker.
Guest:So I'm like, I'm going to look up the words on my phone.
Guest:And then you're going to re-say the shit you just said, and I'm going to use my context clues to figure out what the fuck you're talking about.
Guest:Like, I really, like, took her to Sesame Street.
Marc:Good for you.
Marc:That's proactive.
Marc:That's good.
Marc:You want to learn new things.
Marc:I started as a teacher.
Marc:Do you know any of those words?
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Can you name a word that might have thrown you?
Guest:I've never heard the words before that she uses with me sometimes.
Guest:I've never heard them.
Guest:And she just rattles them off like I should know what the fuck she's talking about.
Guest:Like oeuvre?
Guest:No, words like I know what precarious is.
Guest:I actually don't.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:I actually don't.
Guest:I mean, I thought about it.
Guest:I've heard it used a bunch of times, but I don't know the precarious nature of the draconian.
Guest:I'm like, ah, I don't know.
Marc:I'm fucking... Well, I mean, like, those words, I'm the same way, where, you know, you hear them used so much that they mean kind of how they sound to me.
Marc:Like, you know, I don't know if I can give you the definition of precarious, but, like, this moment right now, it's a little precarious.
Guest:Very precarious.
Guest:Very precarious moment.
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:So what did you, how long have you been doing comedy?
Guest:13 years.
Guest:I started in 2000 in Philly.
Guest:And I started out with, well, Big Jay Oakerson is a friend of mine.
Guest:And you had him on at Montreal, and I watched him.
Guest:And I watched his WTF, and it's just so effortless, his storytelling.
Guest:I watched it.
Guest:I went to Montreal.
Guest:I was at Montreal.
Guest:I was there, and I came, and I watched it.
Guest:And he's just so effortless with the way he flows with his stories.
Guest:I'm more of a joke writer.
Guest:Yeah, it's all right.
Marc:Yeah, no, those work.
Guest:But I had him over my house in Florida, and he's Jewish, and we're very Italian.
Guest:He didn't realize it.
Guest:My father made pizzas.
Guest:We're about to eat, but before we eat, we say a prayer.
Guest:He was about to dig in, and we started praying.
Guest:We get our heads down, and we're holding hands, and we mention Jesus in the prayer, and I look up at Jay, and he's like this.
Guest:Kill that motherfucker.
Guest:Which I thought I broke out laughing is the funniest thing.
Guest:He mentioned, kill that motherfucker.
Guest:Kill that motherfucker.
Guest:And we laugh about it to this day.
Guest:We laugh about it to this day.
Guest:I'm assuming your dad didn't see it.
Guest:No, he didn't.
Guest:Everybody had their eyes closed.
Guest:That's a requirement.
Guest:I could have been beaten for opening my eyes during the prayer.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:What did your dad do?
Marc:He was a lawyer?
Marc:Or he wasn't?
Guest:No, he was not.
Guest:He didn't want you to be a lawyer.
Guest:No, he came from like the 40s where it's like, be somebody, be a doctor, be a lawyer, be somebody.
Guest:And what was he?
Guest:He was a mushroom farmer.
Guest:So they actually had a business.
Guest:My grandfather started canning spaghetti sauce, but he was run out by ragu.
Guest:So he started canning mushrooms and then built a growing operation next to it.
Guest:So it was United Canning Mushrooms.
Marc:So there was probably years in your family's history where a man was sitting around going, fuck ragu.
Yeah, fuck.
Guest:Those bastards!
Guest:I told him I didn't like mushrooms when I was little.
Guest:I was like, ah, mushrooms are gross.
Guest:I was forced to fucking eat mushrooms.
Guest:By your grandfather?
Guest:By my father, by my grandfather.
Guest:Disrespect is big in the Italian culture.
Marc:That's abusive.
Marc:You were forced to eat mushrooms as a child.
Guest:Forced eat mushrooms, forced spaghetti.
Guest:You know, if you have spaghetti, my mom used to cut it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was forced to take it and roll it.
Guest:What do you mean?
Marc:Oh, roll it around the fork?
Guest:Roll it on the spoon.
Guest:On the spoon.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:To eat it properly.
Guest:Eat it properly.
Guest:We're Italians.
Marc:This is the way you eat.
Marc:God, this is like almost sadder than sexual abuse.
Marc:This is so ill-defined.
Marc:I was forced to eat mushrooms.
Marc:It was horrible.
Guest:I was crying.
Guest:No waste.
Guest:Everybody's overweight in my family because you have to eat everything on your plate from that school.
Marc:So this is why you're who you are.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:This is why I'm thick and I'm a husky fit because I was forced to eat.
Marc:Yeah, so we're all learning that this exterior does not match what's inside you.
Guest:No, it's a lot of dysfunction.
Marc:Yeah, which I'm very happy about.
Marc:I'm glad you didn't surrender to the, like, fuck you.
Marc:You could have went either way.
Marc:You could have been a douchebag.
Marc:The stage was set for you to be a douchebag.
Guest:I wrestled and I played football.
Guest:I did play sports.
Guest:All right, so you were a douchebag.
Marc:You were the douchebag.
Marc:There was a period of douchebaggery.
Guest:But I was humbled by my lack of athleticism.
Guest:Like, these guys who were, like, super great athletes, like, those guys are maybe the guys who aren't humble.
Guest:Like, I was humbled.
Guest:Like, I wrestled, and any time I thought I was really, I would get smashed.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:So you were, like, after a certain point, your confidence was beaten out of you on the mat.
Guest:Absolutely.
Guest:Or if I got to before myself, my father would be like, you think you're better than everybody?
Yeah.
Guest:That's what he would do.
Guest:I would come back from college.
Guest:I wouldn't even ask for a problem.
Guest:What are you, smarter?
Guest:You smarter now?
Guest:I'm like, you're sending me to college.
Guest:What are you doing?
Guest:I think you're smarter than everybody because Joe College?
Guest:I never went to college.
Guest:I'm like, you're sending me.
Guest:What are you doing?
Guest:He would do that type of stuff.
Guest:And still does.
Guest:He's in the hospital right now with pneumonia, smoking cigars.
Guest:Won't stop smoking cigars.
Marc:And he's still fucking saying that kind of shit?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Starts a problem.
Guest:We didn't talk.
Guest:That's why I watched your episodes where you had that thing with your father.
Guest:With your father.
Guest:And yeah, it was like I wasn't talking to my father for like eight months because we had just a disagreement.
Guest:It's like he's an alcoholic without the alcohol.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:Just any time he's in a bad mood, he just thinks, you're my son.
Guest:You respect me.
Guest:I can fucking tee off on you any time I want.
Guest:And if you don't fucking take it, you're disrespectful.
Guest:That's really his feeling.
Guest:And we had a really hard time coming to terms with that.
Guest:Like, you can't do that to me.
Guest:Why the fuck can't I do?
Guest:It was done to me.
Guest:That's the way it is.
Guest:Did you fucking hit him?
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:I would never.
Guest:I can't do that.
Guest:But it was getting close.
Guest:Like, my mother, like, I was between my mother.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:And it was getting fucking close.
Guest:But he's in his 70s.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I'm like, there's no way I should be considering hitting this guy.
Guest:But the shit that was coming out of his mouth, I want to fucking hit this guy.
Guest:So that's why that episode with Judd Hirsch really hit home with me.
Guest:So you should have fucking hit him.
Marc:Fuck that shit.
Marc:No, here's what happened.
Marc:Of course you shouldn't have hit him.
Marc:The best you can hope for is that he lives long enough to require feeding.
LAUGHTER
Marc:And then you can just sit there going, do you want the food?
Marc:Do you want the... Pull it away.
Guest:He's mean.
Guest:He'd probably bite me.
Guest:He's a fucking... He's still got that anger in him.
Marc:But you don't.
Marc:That's good.
Marc:Mike Mechione, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:I moved out.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:That was great.
Marc:That was great.
Marc:This next guy.
Marc:You're right there.
Marc:I see you.
Marc:He's the host of the Comedy Bang Bang TV show and podcast.
Marc:One of the original writers for Mr. Show.
Marc:Please welcome Scott Aukerman.
Thank you.
Marc:It's good radio, good radio.
Guest:For the listeners, I just took several bows, which were warranted.
Guest:Hello, Mark.
Guest:Are we just going to pace around each other this entire show?
Marc:Like two prize fighters?
Marc:I was trying to just say yes.
Marc:I was improvising.
Marc:What's up, man?
Marc:What's up, bro?
Marc:Where are we at with this?
Marc:You got a problem with me?
Marc:I do have a little bit of a problem.
Marc:Mike, kick his ass.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Gotcha.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Sit down.
Guest:Let's do some improv.
Guest:All right.
Guest:We're in a car.
Guest:I'm driving the car for those listening.
Marc:So, hey, man, my wife's leaving me.
Marc:Oh, where should we pick her up?
Marc:I mean, where should I pick her up?
Marc:I mean, how does this go?
Marc:All right.
Marc:I'll get back information.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:Where do you want to go, Mr. Aukerman?
Okay.
Guest:Hi, Mark.
Guest:Hello, Scott.
Guest:IFC buddies, right?
Guest:Yay!
Guest:IFC buddies hug!
Guest:Oh, IFC.
Marc:You're coming back.
Marc:90% of this audience is like, I don't even fucking get IFC.
Marc:Yep.
Marc:Do you find that?
Guest:It's like, I'd watch your show if I got it.
Guest:People are upset about it, too.
Guest:Like, you can't pay for things.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like, you know, so pay for IFC.
Yeah.
Marc:My father, when I told him that I was doing shows and that he was in the episode, I was doing an episode about him, he goes, what's it on?
Marc:I go, IFC.
Marc:He goes, no, no one gets that.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:Sorry, was that too sad?
Marc:Maybe that was a Mike thing.
Marc:I should have done that with Mike.
Marc:We were in the father zone.
Guest:My mother, the first time I was on TV on Mr. Show, my mother and father rented a hotel room because they didn't get HBO.
Yeah.
Guest:So, and then later I figured out, I think it would be cheaper to get HBO for one month than to rent a hotel room.
Guest:But they rented a hotel room, and I didn't know this was happening, by the way.
Guest:She called to tell me this the next day.
Guest:I pick up the phone.
Guest:She says, so, we rented a hotel room.
Guest:We saw your show last night.
Guest:I said, what'd you think?
Guest:She goes, well, you gained some weight.
Guest:Aww.
Aww.
Guest:I said, okay, but what did you think about the episode?
Guest:She said, well, we didn't like it, so we turned it off 10 minutes in.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Why are we all so fucked up?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Wait, that's the wrong question.
Marc:I think we just answered that question.
Guest:But my mom also, I was the lead in Oklahoma once.
Guest:I was curly in Oklahoma for a summer.
Guest:That's right.
Marc:You were like a high school theater guy.
Guest:Well, a little older than high school at the time.
Guest:Oh, you continued that?
Guest:So she came to see me and she said afterwards, you were really, really good in this.
Guest:You actually looked like you meant what you were saying in this show.
Marc:Well, that's a pretty good assessment of acting.
Marc:I think a theater reviewer could say that.
Marc:He looked like he meant what he was saying.
Guest:He didn't look like he was lying every single line.
Guest:What are you doing over there, Mike?
Marc:Come over here.
Marc:I always forget that you're a very theatrical person.
Marc:The most profound moment I think I've ever experienced with you...
Marc:It was at a karaoke situation.
Guest:You're fond of telling me this story, yes.
Marc:I can't believe it.
Marc:He sang, what was it, High and Dry by Radiohead?
Guest:Something like that, yeah.
Marc:He sang a Radiohead song in falsetto, the whole thing.
Marc:And he committed to it, and it looked like he meant what he was singing.
Marc:Thank you, Daddy.
Marc:Are your parents still around?
Guest:They're still around.
Guest:They're in Arizona.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah, they moved to Arizona and hate it.
Guest:They did that big life change of like, you know, fuck this.
Guest:I'm out of here.
Guest:And then within a year, it's like, fuck this.
Guest:We thought fuck that, fuck this.
Guest:is that california is that like people in california get tired they move that's like the boca yeah because it's hotter it's drier there's less going on yeah my dad got really sick of all the traffic in la it's the only it's so fucking that's bad yeah yeah so he
Guest:They moved in the middle of nowhere in the mountains in Arizona, and then the things you don't know about it are you can't get food there.
Guest:Literally, food that you would get in California takes three days to get to this town in Arizona, so everything's old by the time.
Guest:Is it not accessible by the car?
Guest:Where do you think they live?
Guest:On a fucking cloud?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Do you have to drop some magic beans in the ground and climb up the beanstalk?
Marc:I just pictured planes pushing boxes out of, like, and your parents scrambling out going, the food's here.
Marc:All right.
Marc:You're the one who said it takes three days to get food out there.
Guest:Well, yeah, because it's, you know, there's not a lot of traffic that goes out there.
Guest:You know, when you move somewhere because there's no traffic, no trucks go there.
Marc:Right, right, right.
Marc:You know.
Marc:So are they in the mountains?
Guest:They're in the mountains.
Guest:So, like, my mother loves to cook.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And food will not stay hot there.
Guest:Literally, it comes out of the oven, and within 60 seconds, boom, cold.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I don't understand.
Guest:No one knows.
Guest:Really?
Guest:No one tells you these things.
Guest:This is an Arizona thing?
Guest:It's the altitude thing.
Guest:Oh, no shit.
Guest:You can't keep food hot.
Guest:In the mountains, yeah.
Guest:Just like, boom, it's not hot anymore.
Guest:So, like, any time you visit, it's like, you know, serving up just cold steaks, you know, and they're always like, why don't you visit us?
Guest:What's the name of the town?
Guest:Gazpacho?
Guest:It's like, okay.
Guest:Took a chance.
Guest:Sorry.
Guest:I love it.
Guest:Feeling comfortable.
Marc:I love it.
Marc:Let me ask you a serious question.
Marc:I love that looking like him, he's insecure.
Marc:It's the best thing I've ever seen in my life.
Marc:Like, sorry, I put it out there, right?
Guest:All right, all right.
Guest:Gazpacho's the cold soup, I figure.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Let me ask you a serious question because I like you.
Guest:I talked to you a little bit backstage.
Guest:You seem like a very nice guy, like you said, very soft-spoken.
Guest:But how often do you work on these?
Guest:It's not muscular.
Guest:It's a base of muscle, but it's covered with fat.
Guest:That's how it looks.
Marc:But at some point, you were a fucking animal.
Guest:Just say it.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:He just spit right in Mark's face.
Marc:It was disgusting.
Marc:I do it all the time.
Marc:I feel bad for people in front rows of my show.
Marc:They may not have seen that, but you can see the spit.
Marc:Did you see it?
Marc:Let's get back to you lying about the size of your muscles.
Guest:If you stop working on it, you lose it, right?
Guest:It all goes away.
Guest:It would just become mushy and soft, but I wouldn't lose the thickness.
Guest:If I ate your arms, they would be delicious.
Guest:Is that what you're saying?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It would be a lot of fat.
Guest:It's not a lot of fat, but it's enough.
Guest:The best wrestlers are guys who are long and lean.
Guest:Thanks for pointing at me.
Guest:Yeah, long and lean guys.
Guest:Guys like me who are real bulldog thick.
Guest:Not so good, because your cardio, you don't have good cardio.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:You're still hung up on this wrestling thing.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's how I relate to everything.
Guest:And that's how I learn.
Guest:Because in wrestling, they teach a movie, and then you drill, drill, drill, drill.
Guest:And that's the way I learn everything.
Guest:Is that how you do comedy?
Guest:You drill, drill, drill, drill?
Guest:Absolutely.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's the way.
Guest:You just work, work, work, work, work until something gets a laugh.
Marc:So what's your fitness regimen, Scott?
Marc:Because you look... Okay, go ahead.
Guest:Wait.
Guest:I want to hear this.
Guest:I look what you son of a bitch.
Guest:By the way, Mark.
Guest:Mark never passes up an opportunity to insult all of his guests several times backstage before you ever see this show.
Guest:Just know we have been insulted at least five times by Mark by the time we get out here.
Guest:The very first thing, he hasn't even said hello to me.
Guest:He says, so are you going to actually say something real for once?
Guest:I don't think I use that tone.
Marc:but the words i think i probably said so are we gonna you know like there's a there's heart in it you know like what why you shouldn't take this personally don't you know me by now isn't isn't there a shorthand that i can have no eventually where i can hurt my friends exactly that's that's what it's all about we have fun do you look like some under redstone do you know that you kind of like do i mind that yes do you mind that no i just was noticing it like you're gonna be a very distinguished older gentleman
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I don't know why I think that about you.
Guest:So what do I look like?
Guest:What are you saying my body type is?
Guest:Look, what do I know?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I just ask... Fit in your insult.
Marc:I don't script insults.
Marc:That was it.
Marc:It was just me saying, so what do you do for fitness regimen, Scott?
Marc:And I think that was enough.
Guest:First of all, it's a leading question because you know I don't do anything because you're looking at me.
Marc:But no, I thought maybe you were trying.
Marc:We all try.
Marc:We all try.
Guest:You look great.
Guest:Since I've gotten to know you.
Marc:I have an eating disorder.
Marc:That's the only reason.
Marc:I'm not doing anything.
Marc:I eat badly, and then I hate myself, and then I stop eating.
Guest:What do you do?
Guest:Do you jog?
Guest:I would love to picture you jogging.
Marc:I run.
Marc:I run on a treadmill.
Marc:Are you just like, son of a bitch?
Guest:Every step.
What?
Guest:Motherfucker.
Guest:Fucking feet.
Guest:Moving in motion.
Guest:God damn it.
Marc:No, generally I run on a treadmill so I can gauge the time exactly and towards the end... All right, professor.
Guest:All right.
Marc:What's happening with the... So now on the show, the television show... We were just picked up for a third season.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Not true.
Guest:Not true.
Guest:But if I say it enough, I hope it'll happen.
Marc:Well, I love the show.
Marc:I love you.
Marc:I love your wife.
Marc:I love everything you're doing.
Guest:Why do you have to bring her into this?
Guest:What is this all about?
Guest:Because she is the nice part.
Marc:I'm a little nice.
Marc:It took a long time for us to get along.
Marc:We did.
Marc:It did.
Marc:Because you insulted me the very first time.
Marc:Oh, stop it.
Marc:You were one of those people that was like, oh, here comes Mark.
Marc:So for most of my career, you were one of those guys where I could see it in your eyes.
Marc:I'd be like, hey, what's up?
Marc:And you'd be like, I have no time for whatever's happening with that fellow.
Guest:My favorite Mark story.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:was up at the Vancouver Comedy Festival.
Guest:You really wanted to do my show and we were packed.
Guest:We had too many people on it.
Guest:And you said to me, come on, man.
Guest:Let me do 10 minutes.
Guest:Let me do 10 minutes just in and out real quick.
Guest:I was like, I'll tell you what, Mark, because we were at a show the night before.
Guest:I said, tell you what, Mark, if you stick to your time, you're supposed to do 10 minutes tonight.
Guest:If you stick to your time, I'll let you do my show tomorrow.
Guest:Mark goes out
Guest:35 minutes on the clock goes by.
Guest:He comes off stage, sees me, you're me.
Guest:Yeah!
Marc:All right, okay.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Guest:But we like each other now.
Marc:Scott Aukerman, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks.
Marc:And now the very funny and animated and exciting Kyle Dunnigan, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Thank you.
Guest:I was just told.
Guest:Hi.
Guest:How are you?
Guest:I was just told there was five minutes left.
Marc:No, we have seven.
Marc:They said I could go five.
Marc:I'll be done in seven minutes.
Marc:They told me that seven minutes ago.
Marc:Who's next?
Marc:Who has to come?
Marc:Who's the next show?
Marc:Fuck him.
Marc:Let him wait.
Marc:Everything's going all right for him.
Marc:He can take a hit.
Marc:You're right.
Marc:I saw him earlier.
Guest:We're good, him and I. Wait.
Guest:What?
Guest:I mean, Scott got this huge intro, and then he was like, here's Kyle Dunnigan.
Marc:here's here's this next guy funny adorable i think i threw in there animated if i heard adorable i wouldn't have said anything but i didn't hear it i've always thought you're adorable you're very good at the adorable yeah really yeah all right don't you think look at this guy
Guest:That was the smattering.
Guest:That was another smatter.
Marc:So what is going on?
Marc:Great interview.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm good, man.
Marc:I get right in there, man.
Marc:I cut to the bone.
Marc:Where are you now?
Guest:Specifically, career, life, happiness?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:What do you want to know about me?
Guest:Yeah, all of the day.
Guest:The guy who's next for two minutes.
Yeah.
Guest:You should have me back on to do like 45 minutes in depth.
Guest:I'm gonna.
Guest:I'm gonna.
Guest:Is this what we're gonna do?
Marc:We're gonna negotiate your appearance on a real what the fuck?
Guest:I think we should.
Guest:I'm adorable.
Marc:These things are hard for me.
Marc:We're gonna waste all this time because you... Wait, let's get right to the chase.
Marc:Let's get to it.
Marc:You're a comedian for how long?
Marc:I have no idea.
Marc:All right, well, fuck that.
Marc:16 years.
Marc:16 years.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So what did you do before that?
Guest:I, well, I delivered balloons as Mickey Mouse.
Guest:All right, that's a true thing.
Guest:Come on.
Guest:I was discovered by the balloon lady.
Guest:I was doing like you did plays they were saying in high school.
Guest:Leave me out of this.
Guest:Sorry.
Guest:That's fair.
Guest:I would say that's fair.
Guest:But we did the whiz at high school.
Guest:It was all white school and they decided to do the whiz.
Guest:She's a black show.
Guest:It's not racist.
Guest:It's written for black people.
Guest:But it was the whitest.
Guest:We were like, come on and ease on down.
Guest:Ease on down the road.
Guest:Why don't you?
Guest:It would be a good idea, too.
Guest:So she was in the audience like, you know, like, I got to have this talent.
Guest:like the balloon lady she would answer her phone she would just go balloon lady which i thought was weird because like if her family called that's just a weird thing to hear so wait what is the balloon lady what did she deliver well i went to her house once to try on the outfit and i realized it wasn't even mickey it was just a dirty mouse head
Guest:And she said, you can't be Mickey, you're Murray Mouse.
Guest:We didn't get the rights.
Guest:You have to pay to be Mickey, so I'm Murray Mouse.
Guest:Why not Marty Mouse?
Guest:You're a Jewish mouse.
Guest:Murray Mouse.
Guest:So it was a big dirty mouse head, then my clothes, and then white rubber gloves.
Guest:And I would go to these, I would drive in like my, you know, Civic with all the balloons in my car.
Guest:Just, you know, a Civic.
Guest:And they'd pop because of the summer and it'd get hot.
Guest:So like, you ever drive and like balloons are popping?
Guest:And a balloon suddenly not a balloon anymore is a terrifying sound.
Guest:even the way it looks like a balloon that's suddenly not a balloon it's like oh i'm a balloon and it's like i'm a dirty condom yeah it's like it's so different than when it's a balloon so anyway i would go to drive up yeah and she's like make sure you wear your head when you drive up because if you go drive if you get out of your car with a severed mouse head it terrifies the kids
Guest:and so you gotta put the head on down the street and then you drive up and then I'm like yeah Murray's here whatever and the kids would get on your lap which feels wrong wrong
Guest:And then some kid would eventually see that there was a guy through the eyeball.
Guest:It was all mesh.
Guest:And they'd be like... I'd see their face.
Guest:I'm like, don't you fucking tell anybody else.
Guest:This is a secret between you and Murray.
Guest:Anyway, that lady died.
Guest:She burned herself up in her bed.
Guest:She chain-smoked and fell asleep and burned... That's how that comedy story ends.
Guest:She burned alive.
Guest:Barbara the balloon lady burned alive?
Guest:Balloon lady burned alive.
Guest:It's a very alliterative headline.
Guest:I'd like to think she died from the smoke inhalation before she burned.
Guest:No, they said she burned.
Guest:Her lungs were clear as a bell, not a soot among it.
Guest:Why are you there at the coroner's office getting all these details?
Guest:I didn't get paid, you know what I'm saying?
Guest:He just wanted to make sure it was true.
Guest:She actually did pay me $12.50, and then I found out from a lady, she was yelling at me.
Guest:She was like, this is what I get for $85, a dirty Mickey head.
Guest:She was pissed.
Guest:And in my head, I was like, $85?
Guest:I thought we were going 50-50 or something.
Guest:Dirty Mickey head.
Guest:Yeah, I'm glad.
Marc:It's all over now.
Marc:So what are you working on now?
Marc:That's a good interview question.
Guest:I have a show at IFC in development.
Guest:Really?
Guest:I mean, I don't want this to come out.
Guest:Maybe I don't have a show at IFC anymore.
Guest:This may come out later.
Guest:What was the angle?
Guest:The angle is it's a church community.
Guest:I grew up Catholic and there's like the youth group and the choir, different groups, and I play like four characters.
Guest:And I'm doing a show developing a Nickelodeon cartoon.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Rich kid, about a rich kid.
Marc:You do four characters yourself, different characters?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:I've seen you do the amateur comic guy.
Marc:It's very funny.
Guest:Oh, thank you.
Guest:Yeah, we were in Seattle like a month ago.
Marc:We were here a month ago.
Guest:We were just here.
Guest:We didn't hang out at all.
Guest:No, you know what?
Guest:I'm antisocial, and you guys are like the cool guy.
Guest:You know, it's like Marc Maron and then like John Glazer.
Guest:You guys are like the hip, cool guys.
Marc:You just named two of the most miserable Jews in this business.
Marc:How we get the... I mean, Scott's cool.
Marc:Me and Glazer, I mean, we're difficult.
Guest:Yeah, well, I stayed in my hotel room, and I just, like, didn't, I don't know.
Marc:You should have went out with us, because, like, you know, Eugene was, Eugene Merman was very jovial, and he likes to make people eat.
Marc:Like, I never knew how demonic Eugene was, where, like, you know, we went to the palace kitchen, right?
Marc:And, you know, I was like, I don't know, we should order this many dishes, and Eugene's like, order it.
Yeah.
Marc:I'll eat it.
Marc:Yeah, I'll eat it.
Guest:There'll be no leftovers.
Marc:Yeah, we missed you.
Guest:We thought it was... I actually ran... I don't know if you remember this.
Guest:This was embarrassing.
Guest:I felt embarrassed.
Guest:But at midnight, I couldn't find any water in the hotel.
Guest:And then they were like, there's some down at Whole Foods or whatever.
Guest:You know when you're in your hotel room all day?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And you get out and it's kind of warm.
Guest:I'm like, I'm going to run.
Guest:I'm going to sprint to Whole Foods.
Guest:And I was sprinting at 12 at night.
Guest:And I ran by you guys.
Guest:And I couldn't explain that...
Guest:in a way that was normal i just started mumbling and walked away i'm ready to get water yeah that's what i said i was like there's no water in the hotel no water and then i went back there's two bottles in the room that i didn't notice that have yeah we talked about that for a while i bet you did kyle dunnigan ladies and gentlemen scott ackerman
Marc:Mike Vecchione.
Marc:John Wister.
Marc:Mark Merritt.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:You were great.
Marc:This has been live WTF in Seattle at Bumbershoot.
Marc:Now run out.
Marc:Run.
Marc:Run to your music shows.
Marc:Run.
Marc:Anybody need anything from me?
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
you