Episode 45 - Matt Walsh / "Frog"
Guest 4:Lock the gates!
Guest 5:Are we doing this?
Guest 5:Really?
Guest 5:Wait for it.
Guest 5:Are we doing this?
Guest 5:Wait for it.
Guest 5:Pow!
Guest 5:What the fuck?
Guest 5:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Guest 5:What's wrong with me?
Guest 5:It's time for WTF!
Guest 1:What the fuck?
Guest 1:With Mark Maron.
Marc:Okay, let's do this.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:What the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fucking ears?
Marc:What the fuck is I got it.
Marc:I got to settle on a name.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:Let me take my nicotine gum out.
Marc:I don't want to put you through that.
Marc:I know how that offends some of you.
Marc:Man, I want to thank you guys for sending me shit.
Marc:I love getting shit in the mail.
Marc:It makes me very excited.
Marc:It's like a present.
Marc:It is kind of a present.
Marc:I talked about comic books on one of the other shows on my Seattle show.
Marc:So then Dark Horse Comics, they sent me old boxes shit.
Marc:It's great.
Marc:I had no idea that they made the titles that they made.
Marc:And now I'm enjoying all those comics as well.
Marc:And some guy sent me...
Marc:dig this, something called a third eye beanie, a third eye beanie.
Marc:He, a guy emailed me, says, you like cats?
Marc:I said, yeah, I like cats.
Marc:He goes, I'm going to send you a third eye beanie.
Marc:The guy's a painter.
Marc:So he makes a, it's just a, basically a beanie hat.
Marc:And then there's a little hand painted patch on the bottom of an eye.
Marc:So you'll wear it and it goes right on your forehead.
Marc:Third eye beanie.com.
Marc:That's all it takes.
Marc:That's all it takes to get a plug.
Marc:Send me a present.
Marc:Am I being a whore?
Marc:No.
Marc:Am I making choices?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:I like comic books.
Marc:I like coffee.
Marc:I like hats.
Marc:So there you have it.
Marc:I'll throw you a bone.
Marc:I'm not soliciting.
Marc:I'm just saying that if I get presents, I'll talk about the presents.
Marc:You dig?
Marc:Mm hmm.
Marc:So what is happening?
Marc:This is life, folks.
Marc:This is it.
Marc:This is what we have to do.
Marc:I don't know about you, but sometimes I think I want things to happen.
Marc:I think things are happening.
Marc:I think that things are about to happen, and I miss the moment that is happening now.
Marc:I don't know if anybody can relate to that, but I'm getting fucking sick of it in myself.
Marc:I mean, I've got to acknowledge that whatever is happening now is the life that I'm living.
Marc:Not that something's going to happen in the near future and I'm going to get a TV show or this is going to happen or I'm going to show up there or maybe it'll get better or whatever.
Marc:This is it.
Marc:And I tell you, I spend a lot of time in my head.
Marc:I spend a lot of time thinking about shit.
Marc:I spend a lot of time not doing much, but I'm not bored.
Marc:I a lot of people think like life, you know, get out there, grab life by the balls, live it.
Marc:And then they say, like, wow, that went by fast.
Marc:That was really fun.
Marc:I didn't even know.
Marc:I didn't even know it happened.
Marc:I just it flew by.
Marc:Whenever somebody says that, man, that was great.
Marc:It flew by.
Marc:How is that great?
Marc:Sometimes I think like being bored or being frustrated or living in your head and watching time just drip by actually is more engaging in life than actually getting out there and doing stuff.
Marc:Parasailing, bungee jumping, climbing up mountains, you know, where you're completely engaged in something and it's just sort of like, wow, I didn't even feel that four hours go by.
Marc:Well, that's four hours that you don't have anymore.
Marc:I feel four hours go by because it drips by like some days are so fucking long.
Marc:I don't even know when they're going to be over.
Marc:Like some days I got nothing to do between the time of like three in the afternoon and nine or 10 at night when I have to go do comedy.
Marc:But on some level, that's that's at least I'm acknowledging that I'm alive and that time is just dripping by.
Marc:I'd much rather at this point in my life not to have it fly by.
Marc:That just flew by shit.
Marc:Well, I don't even know if I experienced it.
Marc:It just flew by.
Marc:I don't even know what I'm talking about.
Marc:I've gotten kind of heady lately about love, about intimacy, about relationships.
Marc:Recently had to stop a relationship I was in or put it on hold or whatever.
Marc:I don't know how to do that.
Marc:I'm the kind of guy.
Marc:I mean, my first marriage, I ended up marrying a woman just because I didn't know how to break up with her.
Marc:And I thought it would be OK.
Marc:I don't have a hard time making choices like that.
Marc:It's hard to make choices like that.
Marc:You know, when somebody is into you or you're into them and just you don't have a lot to give.
Marc:And then I started thinking about intimacy.
Marc:What is intimacy?
Marc:What is trust?
Marc:What is this?
Marc:What is that?
Marc:I was at the improv the other night.
Marc:I was on a show with Margaret Cho, who I'm hoping to get in here pretty soon, get in the garage.
Marc:I don't know what will happen.
Marc:So I'm watching her, and she talked about fucking.
Marc:She talked about how she wants to have sex a lot and that her marriage has been great because she has sex with a lot of other people.
Marc:And she kept talking about how she wants to have sex until she's really old.
Marc:And it got a little crass and a little weird.
Marc:But I'm sitting there.
Marc:I'm watching her.
Marc:I've known her for 15 years.
Marc:I've never had sex with her.
Marc:So I'm thinking, well, maybe maybe it's time that I have sex with Margaret Cho.
Marc:I'm thinking that.
Marc:And then she does a bit where she just talks about this horrible experience about almost shitting herself for 10 minutes.
Marc:And then she goes to a bathroom and there's a lot of shit involved.
Marc:And then I was thinking, like, you know, maybe I'll put off the having sex with Margaret Cho thing because that shitting thing was too much information for me.
Marc:A little too intimate.
Marc:I don't know you well enough to know about that much shit talk.
Marc:And then I started to think, like, if she was my girlfriend and she had this horrible experience about almost shitting herself, I'd be like, well, I'm sorry you went through that.
Marc:And I'll protect that secret.
Marc:And I started to think about the nature of trust and the nature of intimacy.
Marc:And a lot of times I think that those things just really revolve around protecting people's secrets and their sad little human realities and also buffering their disappointment.
Marc:And you sort of build a bond around buffering disappointment and accepting the fact that they might have shit themselves.
Marc:Is that love?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Am I trivializing it?
Marc:Perhaps.
Marc:Am I looking for that?
Marc:I'm not sure.
Marc:It's sort of a weird what the fuck moment.
Marc:It was pretty profound.
Marc:Some guy emails me a link of a link with a picture of me on it saying you want to quit smoking.
Marc:It's a picture of me with an electronic cigarette.
Marc:It's a button for a link to a electronic cigarette company with my mug on it.
Marc:And I was like, what the fuck is this?
Marc:So I hit the link.
Marc:I go to a site and it's some testimonial blog about a guy who quit smoking with these electronic cigarettes.
Marc:And he's presenting these pictures of me that were ripped off from a break room live show.
Marc:I did of me, you know, a segment where I was smoking an electronic cigarette.
Marc:And I was like, this is bullshit.
Marc:So I call the contact at the company who makes the electronic cigarettes.
Marc:I said, can I speak to a manager, please?
Marc:And he's like, yeah.
Marc:And he puts a manager on the phone.
Marc:Hi, this is Carl.
Marc:What can I do for you?
Marc:Well, I want to know why my mug is on one of your advertisements with a link to your company.
Marc:And I gave no permission for you to use my image.
Marc:I'm not a big celebrity, but I'm a little bit of a celebrity.
Marc:And I don't want to have to get my lawyer involved.
Marc:What do I got to do?
Marc:He goes, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Marc:Don't freak out.
Marc:I'm like, all right.
Marc:He says, I'm going to call the advertiser who's going to call the publisher and we'll see what we can do.
Marc:And that's when I didn't really understand how this works.
Marc:But apparently this company hires an advertising agency and this advertising agency has a bunch of people who work on a commission basis, I'm assuming, to put up fake blogs of their own device to link to this electronic cigarette company and they get paid for the hits, I guess.
Marc:So he calls me back a little while longer.
Marc:He says, look, I talked to the advertiser.
Marc:They're going to talk to the publisher of that fake blog that put the picture of you up there.
Marc:They will disconnect the links to that published blog.
Marc:I said, well, that's fine.
Marc:That's good.
Marc:I'm glad I didn't have to get my attorney involved.
Marc:But here was the beautiful part about this conversation.
Marc:This guy calls me back to tell me that he resolved the problem.
Marc:And he goes, by the way,
Marc:are you still smoking those electronic cigarettes?
Marc:I said, yeah, it wasn't really for me, I said.
Marc:I haven't done it in a long time.
Marc:I haven't smoked in a long time.
Marc:I didn't really love those.
Marc:He goes, well, you know, they're a lot better now.
Marc:And I'm like, yeah, I just, I didn't really like it.
Marc:He goes, well, why don't you let me send you some?
Marc:This is a guy I was mad about for ripping off my image, for using my image to advertise something.
Marc:And he's saying, I'll send you some.
Marc:I'll send you some of these new electronic cigarettes.
Marc:I think you'll like them.
Marc:And you know what I said to that guy?
Marc:You know what I said?
Marc:I said, OK, yeah, send me some of those.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Thank you for that.
Marc:Thank you for sending me a drug delivery system for nothing.
Marc:And then I realized, like, it's not even about him feeling remorse for using my image.
Marc:He's just looking for a new customer.
Marc:If that ain't the American way, I call up livid.
Marc:And I knew it wasn't a gift because the first time is always free.
Marc:You know how it goes with drugs.
Marc:This guy knows how it works.
Marc:It's like coffee or anything else.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:Speaking of coffee.
Marc:Pow!
Marc:I just shit my pants in a cold way because it's iced coffee.
Marc:I got some iced coffee going.
Marc:Some iced just coffee dot co-op coffee.
Marc:Fair trade coffee.
Marc:So I got some nicotine cigarette, some smokeless cigarettes coming because I was mad and the guy wants to get me hooked on his product.
Marc:First time is always free.
Marc:God damn.
Marc:We're going to do an email show.
Marc:I'm stacking up emails.
Marc:We've got some shows planned coming up.
Marc:I'll tell you some future guests that are going to be coming.
Marc:Today, of course, we have Matt Walsh, who I'm very excited about.
Marc:I've known Matt a long time.
Marc:He's one of the original members and the founding member of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater.
Marc:You've seen him in a lot of movies and a lot of different stuff.
Marc:He's going to be on.
Marc:Then I'm going to be talking in this episode to a gentleman who
Marc:who was not giving me his real name, but, uh, you know, the, the medical marijuana dispensary situation here is very big.
Marc:Well, there's a lot of dispensaries.
Marc:They're trying to close down some, but they're like Starbucks here.
Marc:So I thought it was, uh, a good guest to book is I have a, a proprietor, a marijuana dispensary proprietor who, uh, did not give me his name.
Marc:Uh,
Marc:But he has a nickname.
Marc:I'll just let him speak for himself.
Marc:But it's an interesting issue.
Marc:He'll be on this show.
Marc:And coming up on Thursday, finally, we're going to deal with the black situation.
Marc:A lot of people say not enough black people on the show.
Marc:I'm going to have Dwayne Kennedy, W. Kamau Bell, two black guys on the show talking about blackness.
Marc:How's that sound?
Marc:And also, Dr. Steve, who I need to talk to about this intimacy, trust, relationship thing.
Marc:I need to get into that.
Marc:A lot of you asking me advice in your emails.
Marc:All I can tell you is my experience.
Marc:And my experience, I guess I've gotten some wisdom from it.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:But let's talk to Matt Walsh now.
Guest 2:Check one, two.
Guest 2:Wow.
Guest 2:I have a radio voice.
Guest 2:You're professional.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:You've got the professional sound.
Guest 2:I have the vibrato.
Guest 2:All I need now is an agent to book me for cartoons and voiceovers.
Guest 2:Don't you do those?
Guest 2:I never have.
Guest 2:I've booked like one voiceover in my life, maybe two.
Guest 2:But I would love to get into the cartoon game.
Guest 2:That's the best.
Marc:I've tried to do it.
Marc:I've tried to get into...
Marc:To voiceovers, because I do radio, I think I'm pretty good at it, but I think when I do voiceovers, I have a slight lisp, and I don't say my L's properly, and I know that to be true about me.
Marc:And when I'm doing a voiceover audition tape,
Marc:I get very aware.
Marc:Conscious of it?
Marc:Yeah, so literally I'm like, hello.
Marc:So I guess I have to read this copy.
Marc:My guest is Matt Walsh, a founding member of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater.
Marc:Upright Citizens Brigade Group.
Guest 2:It wasn't the theater at first.
Guest 2:You would just say Upright Citizens Brigade.
Guest 2:That would be enough, because we have many properties.
Guest 2:We're very widespread in the media.
Guest 2:It's almost like a religion.
Guest 2:I mean, you guys are the guys.
Guest 2:It's a benevolent cult, I would like to say.
Marc:I know I talked to Bronger about Del Close, who I guess is, in some secret way, the ultimate leader.
Guest 2:He was the guru of long-form improv.
Guest 2:Yeah, he was a guy who helped start Second City and the committee, guys like Howard Hessman.
Guest 2:He knew everybody.
Guest 2:Tiny Tim, he did a lot of drugs.
Guest 2:Did you work with him?
Guest 2:I did.
Guest 2:And in Chicago, I spent about a year or two taking his class, and he was sort of on the tail end of his career.
Guest 2:So he wasn't the best teacher, but yeah, I did.
Guest 2:I spent a lot of time there.
Marc:Now, okay, now here's the deal.
Marc:I've known you for a long time.
Guest 2:Yeah, you didn't really talk to me, I don't think, maybe because I wasn't a stand-up or something, you didn't have time for an improv guy.
Marc:Well, that's true.
Marc:That's exactly right.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But was I a dick to you?
Guest 2:No, I have no problems with Marc Maron.
Marc:Oh, good.
Marc:Okay, so I don't owe you an apology.
Guest 2:Marc Maron, the personality.
Guest 2:Marc Maron, the person I have problems with.
Marc:Okay, so maybe we should get at that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But let's ease into it.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Now, I never, like, I consider myself...
Marc:A pretty good improviser, but I don't like working with groups at all, and I don't like working with other people.
Marc:Is that wrong?
Guest 2:No, your stand-up is very good that way.
Guest 2:You're very extemporaneous when you perform, and you've figured out where you belong.
Marc:But now improvising, though, like I wanted to take a class.
Marc:But I never did.
Marc:Now, if we were to do that, if we're like, okay, so you're teaching, because you teach, right?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:Not anymore.
Guest 2:Not really.
Guest 2:You're out of that game.
Guest 2:Pretty much.
Guest 2:I do a workshop like once or twice a year.
Guest 2:That's it.
Guest 2:Like one day.
Marc:When you do a workshop at UCB, because now you do have the several schools.
Guest 2:By the way, I taught a workshop the other day, a month ago, and a kid, tell me what you think of this.
Guest 2:A kid brought brownies for the class, didn't tell anyone they were pot brownies.
Guest 2:So he dosed like eight of my students...
Guest 2:with marijuana uh some of them uh get drug tested for their jobs one kid had never taken drugs before yeah that kid's an asshole right it's a hell of an improv i mean you know no but that's not cool this isn't the 60s you know no yeah it isn't cool yeah especially maybe there were sober people in there yeah exactly exactly so what did you do
Guest 2:He's not welcome at the theater anymore.
Guest 2:He's banned.
Guest 2:He's banned from Franklin Avenue.
Guest 2:We sent him across the street.
Marc:It's not that pot isn't welcomed.
Marc:It's just hidden pot.
Marc:Yeah, exactly.
Marc:Be cool.
Marc:Yeah, because that clubhouse over there at the UCB, things go on there.
Marc:Yes, there is pot there.
Marc:Yeah, but it all seems very nice.
Marc:That's the one thing I've noticed about improv before we get into that stuff.
Marc:And if you don't know Matt Walsh,
Marc:See just about any comedy movie and he's that guy.
Marc:If you saw him on the street, you'd be like, you're that guy.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Do you get identified like that?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:How do I know you?
Guest 2:Oh, should we go to school together?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Where are you from?
Guest 2:That kind of stuff.
Marc:like you were in the hangover you played the doctor that was a good part for you thank you right i mean when you got that you're like i got some lines i got a scene i got two scenes yeah that is my role that's uh my bread and butter i get i get like two or three scenes in a big comedy yeah and you're done you're in um uh let's see what's that go to imdb pro if you want the real good stuff
Marc:I think I am.
Marc:Maybe I'm not an IMD pro.
Guest 2:Are you a pro?
Guest 2:Come on.
Guest 2:You've got to upgrade, man.
Guest 2:I do.
Guest 2:Are you serious about the business?
Guest 2:I'm pretty serious.
Guest 2:You've got to go pro.
Marc:I can barely manage my social networking.
Marc:When you came up, I was just getting done.
Marc:What is it?
Marc:Three in the afternoon.
Marc:Oh, just responding?
Marc:Responding, reaching out.
Marc:This is a great age we live in where you can spend about four or five hours on the computer just seeking ego validation and call it work.
Marc:I've been working.
Marc:I was doing the Twitter and the Facebook thing and updating some shit.
Marc:It is.
Marc:No, I'm on the regular IMDb.
Marc:Oh, you're in Due Date.
Marc:I interviewed Zach Galifianakis on the set of Due Date in New Mexico.
Marc:You weren't there.
Marc:Oh, you did?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Were you there?
Guest 2:I shot my scenes in Atlanta with Robert Downey.
Guest 2:Oh, you didn't work with Zach at all?
Guest 2:Not on that one, no.
Guest 2:I worked with Zach on a show called Dog Bites Man on Comedy Central.
Guest 2:That was a very cult favorite.
Guest 2:It is a cult favorite.
Guest 2:Yeah, it has a very small audience, which makes it a cult favorite.
Marc:And you were also on the UCB Sketch Series on Comedy Central, which put you guys on the map.
Guest 2:Which was my beginning at Comedy Central, and then I did a year and a half on The Daily Show.
Guest 2:As a correspondent?
Guest 2:As a correspondent.
Guest 2:Some people know you.
Guest 2:I think some people know me, yeah, absolutely.
Guest 2:And does the UCB have a cult following?
Guest 2:The show?
Guest 2:Both.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:The theater's crazy.
Guest 2:I mean, you've been there.
Marc:I do live What the Fuck, Sarah.
Marc:No, it's great.
Marc:It's full of kids that seem relatively healthy.
Marc:I notice that the difference between improvers, and I've talked about this before, improv actors and sketch actors and comedians is a lot of times they're more well-adjusted.
Guest 2:Yeah, and they're more respectful of the stage.
Guest 2:Like, when you're a stand-up, obviously sometimes people feel like, oh, I'll help him by saying something to him during his act.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:That doesn't really happen generally in an improv set.
Guest 2:And the other thing about improv, because I did stand-up for two years, it's a very difficult trade, is that you have other people to fail with.
Guest 2:Like, if the show sucks, it's like we sucked.
Guest 2:But when you're on the road in Michigan going to a titty bar with the opener, it's like I sucked.
Guest 2:Yeah, and you know you sucked.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Especially if you're a titty bar with the opener.
Guest 2:Yeah!
Marc:Why do stand-ups love going to titty bars?
Marc:I don't go to them.
Marc:I believe you, but do you notice that?
Marc:I like the titty bar to come to me.
Marc:I don't have anything against strippers and titty bars, but I'd rather the stripper come to me.
Marc:What else are we going to do?
Marc:What do you think, we have healthy relationships?
Marc:You think that comics are...
Marc:You know, I mean, a lot of them, I think they just go because as I interviewed a woman who is who is a stripper, I think there's actually a similar sense of community among strippers and comics.
Marc:And the two of them coming together makes sense because they're both sort of social outcasts.
Marc:They both live in their own worlds.
Marc:They both work at night.
Marc:You know, Lenny Bruce married a stripper.
Marc:The burlesque, you know, comedy overlap overlap is always there in the business.
Guest 2:And I think you think strippers want to be comics and comics want to be strippers.
Marc:Yeah, I know that it's a deep dream of mine to show my titties.
Marc:Like, you know, I have a pole in the house to practice.
Guest 1:I didn't see it when I came in.
Marc:Well, I didn't want to show it to you because I didn't want you to freak out.
Marc:So, all right, so now I'm at improv class.
Marc:You're my teacher.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:What's my first lesson?
Guest 2:The first lesson...
Guest 2:to become a good improviser is getting people to listen to incorporate other people's ideas so if you have a partner on stage two people on stage and somebody initiates something like say hey welcome to the bank you can't say oh fuck that we're not in a bank we're on jupiter like that's the first thing you have to take what the other person gives you and then yes and it that's the that's the rule like yes and all right so let's let's try one you start
Guest 2:Okay, thanks for coming in, Mr. Marin.
Guest 2:I have your x-rays.
Guest 2:This is stupid.
Guest 2:I'm supposed to be at the post office.
Guest 2:Okay, then the scene would be over.
Guest 2:Oh, I see.
Guest 2:The scene would be over.
Guest 2:And if you can't have a cell phone on stage, I usually tell students to turn off their cell phone.
Marc:I'm turning it off right now.
Guest 2:Or turn off the ringer.
Marc:So I made two no-nos.
Guest 2:You need to have scheduled windows where you pick up the phone.
Marc:No, I know, but just then in our improv, I fucked up twice.
Guest 2:Okay.
Guest 2:Right?
Marc:Yeah, you did.
Marc:I had my phone on, and I said no.
Guest 2:And that fucks up a stand-up show, too, if you had that in your pocket, wouldn't it?
Guest 2:No, I'd take the call.
Guest 2:Would you?
Guest 2:That's the kind of improv I do.
Guest 2:Sorry, let's start again.
Guest 2:New one.
Guest 2:Okay.
Guest 2:Look, this is corny, but I feel like you guys ignore us when we have a block party on the block.
Guest 2:I feel like all the other families come over and try my wife's lemon squares, and then your family just never comes to my property.
Marc:Well, that's easily explained.
Marc:Please.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:The last time Joanne had one of your wife's lemon squares, I had to take her to the hospital.
Guest 2:Well, that's not true.
Guest 2:That's absolutely not true.
Guest 2:I'm sorry if you think that's what happened, but the whole neighborhood ate those lemon squares and nobody else has complained about that.
Guest 2:You don't think we know about your cult?
Marc:You don't think we know that the lemon squares are just part of a bigger picture?
Marc:And thank God she had an allergic reaction because we know what you guys are up to in that house.
Guest 2:I don't know what you're saying.
Guest 2:We have a very simple lifestyle and my wife and I make lemon squares for the block party.
Marc:Oh, you have a simple lifestyle.
Marc:So what was the ritual that was going on in the backyard two weeks ago?
Marc:What was that about?
Guest 2:Wow.
Guest 2:All right, I'm going to stop you.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Because what you're doing, which is sort of incorrect, is you're laying on too many... What you would want to assume is like if I'm a neighbor at a block party, I'm the average neighbor at a block party.
Guest 2:Like most realistic.
Guest 2:I don't have a cult.
Guest 2:I don't do rituals in my backyard.
Guest 2:I probably don't dose...
Guest 2:people with my stuff it's possible maybe one of those could work right but you don't want to keep laying on too many abnormal realities because you're heightening too quickly oh okay and you're also not really taking in basically the top of your intelligence if you Mark Maron were at a block party on your street here yeah
Guest 2:Somebody said, why didn't you eat my wife's lemon squares?
Guest 2:It wouldn't be a cult.
Guest 2:It would be something else.
Guest 2:You know what I mean?
Guest 2:Does that make sense?
Guest 2:Okay, so let's try it again.
Guest 2:This is going to be your lowest rated podcast.
Guest 2:Why?
Guest 2:Nobody wants to hear you listen to learn improv.
Guest 2:What are you talking about?
Marc:The UCB Theater is churning out the talent that drives the entertainment industry right now.
Marc:You started that thing with Matt Walsh, Ian Walsh.
Guest 2:I'm Matt Walsh, just so you know.
Marc:Yeah, with Matt Walsh, Matt Besser, Ian What's-His-Name, and Amy Poehler.
Marc:Of course you know Amy's name.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:Did I sense resentment?
Marc:No.
Marc:Seriously.
Marc:You got my name wrong.
Marc:No, they're too messed.
Guest 2:You said, okay.
Marc:I know who you are.
Marc:I know.
Guest 2:You wouldn't have emailed me if you didn't know who I am.
Guest 2:This is how it happens with me and you.
Guest 2:See, I said something, now I think you're mad.
Guest 2:I'm not mad.
Guest 2:I was just pointing out that you got my name wrong, but you didn't get Ian's last name, and you got Amy's both first and last name.
Marc:Because she's famous.
Guest 2:That's what I'm saying.
Marc:What I'm saying to you is that she wouldn't be famous without the Upright Citizens Brigade.
Marc:You are a member of the Upright Citizens Brigade.
Marc:And now you're telling me how to be a star, in essence.
Marc:There are people listening that are saying, Matt Walsh has the keys to the kingdom.
Marc:He's going to tell Marc Maron.
Marc:Please.
Marc:how to transcend and leave his garage finally.
Guest 2:We love him, but we want him to succeed more.
Guest 2:All right.
Guest 2:If you really think this, come on, let's do it.
Guest 2:I'll make you a better improviser in the time we have.
Guest 2:All right.
Guest 2:Okay, let's just do one more so I don't have to layer it.
Guest 2:Why don't you initiate, Mark Maron?
Guest 2:Just say anything.
Guest 2:Okay.
Guest 2:Your last name is Maron, right?
Guest 2:Maron, yes.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Oh, man.
Marc:I shouldn't have eaten all that.
Marc:I already feel fat.
Guest 2:No big deal, man.
Guest 2:When people eat pizza, they eat three or four slices.
Guest 2:Don't hate yourself.
Marc:I took half of the pie into the bathroom, and I ate the other half.
Guest 2:That's a little weird.
Guest 2:You should probably work on that.
Guest 2:And it's not the amount.
Guest 2:It's the location where you're eating the food.
Guest 2:Like taking food into rooms, like into your car.
Guest 2:You take food into your car.
Guest 2:That's a little screwed up.
Guest 2:Taking it to the bathroom.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:Having sex with your girl.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:With pizza in the room.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Those are the things you need to work on.
Guest 2:But the amount...
Guest 2:isn't as terrible i just don't know how to eat at a table i really yeah i was never eat table at a kid no it's not brought up that way my my mother would generally say dinner and she'd throw it on the floor so i mean i'm actually okay yeah moving in a different direction well baby steps baby steps here's a here's a here's a cookie okay just eat it here in front of me yeah i'm gonna buckle you into a chair okay okay yeah
Guest 2:Okay.
Guest 2:What are you feeling?
Marc:Tell me what you're feeling.
Marc:I'm repelled.
Marc:I need to be... Somewhere else.
Marc:Well, I'd like to be on the roof.
Guest 2:Can you close your eyes and imagine you're sitting on the toilet and eat the cookie at the table?
Guest 2:Okay.
Guest 2:okay yeah this is good this is good okay i feel safe i feel i'm in my bathroom i'm eating my cookie where i usually eat i'm good okay that worked now we'll just go next scenario you're uh here's another cookie and you're making love with your your girl okay well well then i gotta i gotta watch her eat a cookie while i'm eating it you're gonna watch her i guess i could be the girl is this is this gonna help you
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I've never really done that with a guy.
Guest 2:I'm not a guy.
Guest 2:Can you imagine that you're with her, and I'll change my voice, but your eyes are still closed?
Marc:With the cookie.
Guest 2:Yes.
Guest 2:So I'll eat a cookie.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:You close your eyes.
Guest 2:Okay.
Guest 2:Imagine we are in the bathroom.
Guest 2:Bedroom.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:And we're making love.
Guest 2:Uh-huh.
Guest 2:Is this a precursor to love?
Guest 2:The cookie eating?
Guest 2:I don't know.
Guest 2:It's sort of part of it.
Guest 2:So it's during the lovemaking out.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So, okay.
Marc:I got my eyes closed.
Marc:We're in bed.
Marc:You're my girl.
Guest 2:Mark, you're so beautiful and you're so good.
Guest 5:No, no.
Guest 5:When you're on stage, you're a king.
Guest 5:You're a king, Mark.
Guest 5:You're doing it wrong.
Guest 5:You're a king.
Guest 5:You're a king when you're on stage, Mark.
Guest 5:You're doing it wrong.
Marc:All right.
Marc:She usually goes like, mmm, good cookie.
Marc:Good cookie.
Marc:All right.
Guest 1:Mmm, good cookie.
Guest 1:Oh, yeah, baby.
Guest 1:Mmm, good cookie.
Guest 1:I'm eating cookies.
Guest 1:Mmm, good cookie.
Guest 1:We're eating cookies.
Guest 1:I'm good cookie.
Guest 1:I'm good cookie.
Marc:Okay, it worked.
Marc:It worked.
Marc:All right.
Guest 1:Scene.
Marc:And scene.
Guest 2:And scene, right.
Guest 2:Wasn't terrible.
Guest 2:No.
Guest 2:Did I do all right?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:We clung to a simple idea, which was your abnormal...
Guest 2:eating disorder which is basically you couldn't eat in a traditional location and then we went we made it a big thing in improv is to not talk about it but to do it so instead of like uh pretending like read this book or what's going on in your mind right or we could have gone further into your childhood yeah those are taught we're talking about things that are off stage essentially right we made the scene active and we did the therapy in front of the audience if you will the listening audience
Marc:So the real mistake that I made last time was like, you know, out of insecurity or comic chops, I just wanted to keep adding things to be funny in that moment.
Guest 2:You don't need that much.
Guest 2:You take the first unusual thing and you explore and heighten that thing.
Guest 2:That's all you're doing.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:It's like if somebody, you do it as a solo artist, you...
Guest 2:Somebody says, uh, buddy, I'm from Texas.
Guest 2:Like, they think they're helping your show.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:You are very good.
Guest 2:I've seen you do this.
Guest 2:You don't attack hacklers.
Guest 2:You go, what is that?
Guest 2:I'm sorry, but what does that mean?
Guest 2:Like, I'm truly trying to understand what that means.
Guest 2:So you're just exploring the interesting element.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:You're doing the same thing in improv.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:And then you interview that guy, but in this case, you're on stage with a person and you're sort of writing it together.
Guest 2:I'd like to try it.
Guest 2:But it's the same muscle.
Guest 2:I'd like to try it.
Guest 2:You're not welcome at the theater, but I like that you have this.
Marc:Come on, again?
Marc:Again, I'm thrown out of UCB.
Marc:It took me so long to get into that place.
Guest 2:I think I'm one of the... You should.
Guest 2:It might be weird, though, to take a class if people know you.
Guest 2:But I think it's great to... Absolutely.
Guest 2:Take a class.
Guest 2:We have... Because it's LA, we have famous people going through the program now.
Guest 2:You do?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:And there's... Heather Graham took a class.
Guest 2:At our theater.
Guest 2:She was studying improv.
Guest 2:Yeah, like six months ago.
Guest 2:I think Ed Helms told her to do it because he knew her from a movie.
Guest 2:Was Ed Helms ECB?
Guest 2:He starred in New York.
Guest 2:He did stand-up.
Guest 2:He did both.
Guest 2:He did both improv and stand-up.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:Can you imagine being a 24-year-old who just moved out to L.A.
Guest 2:and Heather Graham is in your first improv class?
Guest 2:Every.
Guest 2:improv would be very difficult it's amazing it's like my dreams have come true I get to do comedy and I get to look at Heather Graham like that's unbelievable would that be awesome it's crazy I'm so like it's unfair it's like you start in Chicago and no disrespect like there's no one who looks like Heather Graham in an improv class in Chicago ever yeah but in LA it's unbelievable it is Heather Graham
Marc:It's not even looks like her.
Guest 2:No, it isn't.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:It is Heather Graham.
Marc:It's unbelievable.
Marc:It's like that Mark Cohen joke.
Marc:What?
Marc:His mom came to visit him out in Los Angeles, and they were eating at a restaurant.
Marc:And they're eating, and his mother goes, oh, my God, Mark, look, the waiter.
Marc:It's Potsy from Happy Days.
Marc:And Cohen goes, come on.
Marc:Not everyone's a celebrity.
Marc:Oh, my God, it is Potsy.
Marc:Now, in terms of what comes out, why improv has become so popular in terms of comedy, I guess it always has been.
Marc:Because I guess Second City was Second City.
Marc:Those guys are all improvisers.
Marc:The Lemmings, the National Lampoon crew, a lot of them were Canadian, a lot of them were improvisers, a few stand-ups.
Marc:So I guess really it's always been that way.
Marc:But tell me about the layout.
Marc:Is there anything in improv where, does any of it, maybe I'm getting lofty here because I don't really understand it, but does any of it relate to the comedy Della Arte?
Marc:You know, like there's a fat guy.
Marc:There's archetypes.
Guest 2:Yeah, I don't know that much.
Guest 2:I never did Comedia dell'arte.
Guest 2:I've seen shows, and I know they improvise things.
Guest 2:But I guess what's common, if I understand Comedia dell'arte, is...
Guest 2:It's entertainment for a regular audience.
Guest 2:It's not like high society theater.
Guest 2:The roots of improv came out of a lady, Viola Spolin, who did it in Chicago.
Guest 2:She was a social worker and she took it to Cabrini Green and taught kids to play games from damage.
Marc:That's the root of modern improv?
Guest 2:My the recent route not I mean theatrically.
Guest 2:Yeah, like community del Arche predates it, but like the form of it now Yeah, Viola Spolin and she wrote a book.
Guest 2:I don't know the name of it But that had all these games in it that she had learned as a social worker in the housing projects of Chicago and it was like a teaching tool It was like a therapy tool almost and then from that
Guest 2:paul sills and del close and there's other bernie soles that's fascinating so it started as a a community activism almost yeah not necessarily activism but it was the idea was to to make theater accessible and available to the community to actually work as a community bonding and elevating yeah and it's like we don't have props we don't have a stage for these kids but we have a room and i can teach them a game where i say freeze and i give them a new adjective so she could do theater in a limited environment as well it was like
Guest 2:easy to travel, you know what I mean?
Guest 2:Isn't that fascinating?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 2:When it had integrity and actually... Now it has to get you on SNL, otherwise it's not useful.
Guest 5:Right, exactly.
Guest 2:I tell every student that comes into my class, one of you will get on SNL, guaranteed.
Guest 2:For at least a month.
Guest 2:For a writing gig, or Lauren will sit down with you.
Guest 2:You have a great Lauren Michaels story.
Guest 2:Have you told it on air?
Guest 2:I don't know if I've told it here.
Guest 2:Do a quick tell, just real quick.
Guest 2:That's one of my favorite stories of yours.
Guest 2:I'm pimping the host.
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:So what happens is I audition for SNL.
Marc:They make me jump through a few hoops.
Marc:Marcy Klein sees me do stand-up, and then she wants to see me again.
Marc:She brings Lauren to the comic strip.
Marc:He sits there and watches me do stand-up.
Marc:And then they take me to the studio.
Marc:It was Conan's studio, actually, and do a screen test with me.
Marc:And then I have a meeting with Lauren.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:And, uh, and the thing about the meeting with Lauren at that time, I was smoking a lot of pot and I was reading one of Bruce Wagner's books, you know, and he writes about Hollywood and I was really sitting there cause you sit for hours and it was just me and Tracy Morgan who had, who, because it was, he was meeting Lauren that day too.
Marc:And his hair was so shiny.
Marc:Like he, like he looked, you know, like it was like perfect.
Marc:Like gelled or?
Marc:Yeah, it was just like a perfect black natural fro and just glistening.
Marc:Now, was this as a writer or performer?
Marc:Performer, right.
Marc:The idea was that they were going to use me on update because Norm was on the fence or something.
Marc:But I'm reading this book, and I'm high.
Marc:I'm a little high because I could not not be high for some reason.
Marc:You know how you do that when you smoke pot?
Marc:You're like, I smoke pot pretty much every day, but I don't want to smoke a lot today because I got this meeting.
Marc:But if I smoke now, I still got three hours.
Marc:To come down.
Marc:Yeah, that shit.
Marc:To level off.
Marc:So I'm a little high.
Marc:I'm reading Bruce Wagner's I'm Losing You or something.
Marc:And it's all dark and weird and about Hollywood.
Marc:And now I can't tell the difference between the book and what's happening with me a little bit.
Marc:And I waited like three hours and I go in to see Warren and he's sitting behind his desk.
Marc:And Higgins is there, the head writer.
Marc:And there's a picture on his desk, you know, pictures.
Marc:And then like on my side of his desk is a bowl of candies.
Marc:And he sits me down and he goes, literally, like one of the first things, it was when we were doing, I think, Luna, at the beginning of Luna, and there had been press on it in the New York Times.
Marc:And Lauren says, you know, I don't know what you think you're doing down there below 14th Street, but it really doesn't matter.
Marc:and i'm like hey okay how you doing you know and then it's just weirder and weirder you know and then like one moment like you know higgins is sitting there like a little monkey you know just watching it like i don't know what his position was in the whole thing yeah but it almost felt like he was there to buffer you know between me and lauren and and then all of a sudden lauren just you know stops talking and starts looking at me right in the eyes
Marc:And I'm looking at him, and Higgins is actually like, what the fuck's going on?
Marc:He goes, you can tell a lot by a person's eyes by looking into them.
Marc:So it was really fucking weird.
Marc:And I start talking about the original SNL, like, I was a big fan.
Marc:He goes, well, there's been plenty of good casts.
Marc:That was not the best one.
Marc:I'm like, wow, this is not going well.
Marc:And I keep looking at this candy, you know, and I'm just sitting there and I'm a little high and this is weird as fuck.
Marc:And then he sits back and he does this sort of pondering thing.
Marc:He's like, you know, comedians are like monkeys.
Marc:You know, when people go to the zoo, they look like the lion because it's scary and the bear is intense.
Marc:But the monkey makes people laugh.
Marc:So I said, you know, as long as they're not throwing shit at you.
Marc:He just like looks over, you know, he doesn't do anything.
Marc:And then like I, I reached for a candy.
Marc:for jolly roger candy it was jolly roger and i go down like i reach the candy i take it up i unwrap it and right when the rapper starts unwrapping lauren shoots a look at at the writer at higgins like it had been decided like that candy was somehow connected to my
Guest 2:And you felt that was real.
Guest 2:Because I believe that.
Marc:I was a little high, but I somehow failed the test.
Marc:It was all hinging on the Jolly Roger candy.
Marc:And I left there just completely mind fucked.
Marc:And they left me dangling for weeks.
Marc:But in retrospect, from what I understand, I was just being used to scare Norm.
Guest 2:Oh, really?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:But I like to believe that if you didn't take the candy, you would be on SNL today.
Guest 2:That's a better story.
Guest 2:I do.
Guest 2:I love that moment where you felt like... I know.
Marc:But if I really believe that... No.
Guest 2:I know.
Guest 2:It's a better story.
Marc:Have you met with them?
Guest 2:No, but I had a friend who met with Lorne to be a writer and kind of went through some hoops and had his big meeting with Lorne.
Guest 2:And there were giant pauses and he was holding his hands like a little Lord Fauntleroy, very serious and lofty.
Guest 2:And he said at one point, do you have any questions for me?
Guest 2:Yeah, he said that to me too.
Guest 2:And then my friend said, no, not really.
Guest 2:And he knew after he said that, he's like, I'm not getting...
Guest 2:Not really.
Guest 2:I think there are those moments in that interview where you have to... I think there are tests like that.
Guest 2:I do.
Guest 2:And Morgan ended up getting the show.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I guess I was bitter for a while.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:In this business, there's so many disappointments.
Marc:I mean, Christ, you must go out as an actor.
Marc:I mean, I barely have representation.
Marc:I don't go out for shit, but you probably go out for fucking everything.
Marc:Not everything, but I go out a little bit.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, don't you like after a certain point, it's hard not to take it.
Marc:I mean, I guess it's hard to take it personally.
Marc:I mean, at some point as an actor, you've got to say, you know, fuck it.
Marc:I ain't going to get a lot of these things.
Marc:That's just the way of the game.
Marc:They're not every time they don't give you a part.
Marc:They're not saying Matt Wall stinks.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:I'm sort of clinging to the philosophy that just showing up is the best I can do.
Guest 2:I try not to put anything else other than like, I got to drive to fucking Santa Monica today.
Guest 2:All right, I'll do it.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:And then if I do it, I feel like I work today.
Guest 2:That's my survival mechanism.
Guest 2:I mean, I study a little bit, but I don't attach too much like, oh, I should have done this or I should have.
Guest 2:I probably could have done it this way.
Marc:And you have a craft in place.
Marc:You have some boundaries.
Marc:You know how to do it.
Marc:I've seen you in movies.
Marc:I've seen you on TV.
Marc:I can only be me or different manifestations of me.
Marc:I remember I got called back.
Marc:I keep thinking about this because I want to know who was in this room.
Marc:I got called back for network.
Marc:years ago.
Marc:And it was a big room, you know, with everyone there, with the producers, the directors.
Marc:And it was for, it was a behind the scenes of a video of like an MTV situation.
Marc:It was one of these kind of Larry Sanders issues.
Marc:It was many years ago.
Marc:And I'm doing the part of this, you know, slightly, you know, aggravated, drugged up, you know, star of some kind.
Marc:And, you know, the part is sort of a tirade.
Marc:And the woman who's, you know, the casting agent, you know, I'm about to go in and I say, well, how angry should I get?
Marc:And she goes, you should get angry.
Marc:I'm like, you really want me to get angry?
Marc:Like, cut loose?
Guest 1:No, not for TV.
Marc:And she's like, yeah, let it loose.
Marc:Who told you that?
Marc:The casting agent.
Guest 1:But she didn't know me.
Guest 1:Right?
Marc:And I wasn't an actor.
Marc:So I walked in there and I was like, what the fuck?
Marc:You fucking...
Marc:And literally all of them, like, their fucking mouths were wide open.
Marc:I'm like, and I'm walking out of there going, I fucking hit it.
Marc:And they were probably like, what the fuck just happened in here?
Guest 1:That guy's crazy.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Guest 2:Yeah, that's not good advice.
Guest 2:I did an audition for a sitcom in New York.
Guest 2:Long story short, I had a friend who I happened to be paired up with.
Guest 2:You know how it's like a...
Guest 2:Almost like a Sweet 16 tournament where they get two and they go, okay, you leave and you're paired up with him and now you're making the final eight.
Guest 2:Now it's down to four.
Guest 2:Basically the final four, me and this guy I know, who I found out later was a heroin addict.
Guest 2:So he's crazy.
Guest 2:And there's one joke in the script.
Guest 2:It's for like a terrible sitcom.
Guest 2:And the joke is like, pinch me, I think I'm dreaming.
Guest 2:They're like country bumpkins.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:So...
Guest 2:And then the other brother so dumb he goes I think I'll pinch myself.
Guest 2:Yeah, so whatever TV writing yes, so it gets to the scene and I'm playing it as best I can and the line for him to say is I think I'll pinch myself and he pinched his nipple and he started screaming and laid on the ground for like three minutes going oh
Guest 2:You're never going to get the job.
Guest 2:You're never going to get the job.
Guest 2:And to see network people who make television, what is he thinking?
Guest 2:What is he doing?
Guest 2:And he didn't know.
Guest 2:He was out of his mind.
Guest 2:But I laughed.
Guest 2:I laughed really hard.
Guest 2:I mean, it was over.
Guest 2:But I started laughing because it was so ridiculous.
Guest 2:He's retching on the floor in a nice, tidy office.
Marc:Not only are you not going to get the job, but it's going to put a stink on you.
Marc:Because all they do in show business, all these network people and agents and managers, there's like 15 of them.
Marc:And all they do is spend the entire day talking to each other.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:So little is done here other than people calling each other.
Marc:And then they call you in for things.
Marc:That's what I like, the general meeting.
Marc:All of a sudden, it's like, we got a general meeting for you at NBC.
Marc:It's like, what does that mean?
Marc:That means some development people had an opening in their schedule, and they wanted to have a clown come in and dance for them.
Guest 2:But, see, I don't get general.
Guest 2:I'm not a personality like you.
Guest 2:You get general meetings because they could develop something around your personality.
Guest 2:I'm more of a role player.
Guest 2:Like, we got something.
Guest 2:We need you to step into this.
Guest 2:You're a character actor.
Guest 2:I'm a character actor.
Marc:And you do a lot of one-scene things.
Guest 2:Yeah, I'd love to do more scenes, but generally I get a couple scenes in a movie.
Guest 2:Sometimes I get, like, role models I felt like had a nice run or a nice arc.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Hangover was, like, quick two scenes.
Guest 2:That was good, though.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:That was good.
Guest 2:I mean, it was solid.
Guest 2:You were a pivotal point.
Guest 2:Yeah, what you want is to have a bit of an arc in an actor way.
Marc:What you want to be able to do is go, did you see The Hangover?
Marc:The Doctor?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:That was me.
Marc:That's me.
Marc:I don't do that.
Marc:No, but I mean, I know you don't do that, but when I tell people I was in Almost Famous, they're like, what?
Marc:I don't remember you.
Marc:And then I tell them the scene, they're like, oh, shit.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But if you're just like, do you remember the guy that was at the gas station that said, wait?
Marc:If it's just part of something that's flying by, they're just going to be like, oh, yeah.
Guest 2:Like a character they remember.
Guest 2:You want to reference a character they remember.
Guest 2:You don't want to have to go into, okay, go to minute 23, 14, pause the DVR.
Guest 2:I'm the guy in the background of Pacino saying Attica, Attica, Attica.
Marc:I'm part of, see those hundred people?
Guest 2:Right there, right there.
Guest 2:Pause it.
Guest 2:Pause it.
Guest 2:That's me and my daughter.
Guest 2:I brought my daughter out that day and we got, we brought home all these sandwiches.
Guest 2:It was awesome.
Marc:Sandwiches and a shirt.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:One of the guys gave my daughter a shirt.
Marc:Now, when he did the Downey stuff, I mean, how was he?
Marc:Did you have a whole scene with him or what?
Guest 2:Yeah, he was great.
Guest 2:He is very pro improv and he was sort of taking the script for the day.
Guest 2:Him and Todd, I think him and Todd have a very like.
Guest 2:The director, Todd.
Guest 2:Director Todd Phillips.
Guest 2:They're both very strong personalities.
Guest 2:And they work well together, but they're also very strong-willed.
Guest 2:So they would have these discussions, and then I think Downey would sort of like take the script and throw it away.
Guest 2:He says, let's do something real or whatever.
Guest 2:Sort of taking what they had written, but also saying, let's go anywhere.
Guest 2:So he had that mentality.
Guest 2:And after I sort of got over my man crush on Robert Downey, because he is pretty impressive.
Guest 2:He's such a great actor, and he's a handsome dude.
Guest 2:And it's like...
Guest 2:After the first few takes, then it was great.
Guest 2:It took a while to, like, ease and relax.
Guest 2:But it was great.
Guest 2:It could go anywhere.
Guest 2:And Todd's great at, like, throwing outlines.
Guest 2:Say this or why don't you try this?
Guest 2:And then they cover the heck out of it and then you're done.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Did you ever have a juncture in your creativity where, like, because you look at certain people.
Marc:This is the other thing I was getting at with improv and I think Comedia Della Arte is that I kept thinking about the fat guys.
Marc:There's always the funny fat guy, and they always die, but there's always a funny fat guy.
Marc:You got Candy, you got Belushi, you got Farley.
Marc:They all came out of improv, and they all had a specific sort of balls-to-the-wall style.
Guest 2:Well, here's my theory on that, because I teach people, and people always say, well, can you teach someone to be funny?
Guest 2:And I think when I teach a class, I try to teach them how to improvise.
Guest 2:And I think in some cases you might help people be funny.
Guest 2:Like some people, the people who will never be funny are people who are controlling and won't listen at all.
Guest 2:Like if they go into a scene and they say, shut up, shut up, shut up, come over here, play my tea.
Guest 2:They're a little crazy.
Guest 2:So for you to unwork their craziness, you'd have to be responsible for that outside of class.
Guest 2:I don't want to do that.
Guest 2:No babysitting.
Guest 2:So you can't help those people.
Guest 2:You can't help them.
Guest 2:You've got to write them off.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:You just say, great scene.
Guest 2:Great scene.
Marc:Great job.
Marc:And you provide the class for them, but that's it.
Guest 2:Yes.
Guest 2:And you try to not let them poison, because sometimes people don't want to do scenes with them.
Marc:But conversely, though, can't a control freak who has some sort of revelation and gets a dose of humility realize that that in and of itself is a funny character?
Guest 2:If it's a character, but in improv, you're making it up.
Guest 2:So characters are great for sketch, but in improv, you have to be willing to serve somebody else's idea.
Guest 2:You have to be willing to get out of your own head, listen to what that person said, and incorporate something together.
Guest 2:That's basically the bread and butter of it.
Guest 2:But as far as fat people go, I always tell people in class, I could get 10 of you up on stage...
Guest 2:And I could write a line that's pretty funny, and I'll get all ten of you to say it, and I guarantee you the fat guy will get the most laughs.
Guest 2:It's just a thing.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Or if you look like John Cleese, you might get more laughs.
Guest 2:There's certain types that we human beings, like fat people are what?
Guest 2:They're less dangerous?
Guest 2:We feel they're a little pathetic?
Guest 2:We feel for them maybe?
Guest 2:I don't know what it is, but there is instinctive...
Guest 2:instincts in the human mind that make us laugh at some people more than others, like Farley.
Guest 2:Like, if he said a line... I mean, he was funny.
Guest 2:I'm not discounting his talent.
Guest 2:But I think there are some tendencies that you could have a body type that's funny.
Guest 2:Absolutely.
Marc:Well, I think also those fat guys in particular, like Candy and Belushi and Farley, who came out of improv, were also just like... They were just hungry for life.
Marc:I mean, they just were just...
Marc:they were amazing i don't mean to discount no but i mean i think there's also that element of the fat person like oh he's just gonna he's you know he's gonna eat it up he's all appetite he's reckless like i would never act like that right maybe they're more free yeah that's true i yeah but i just i what i guess the question i was getting at is that you know even somebody like zach and and somebody like you know he's a fat guy a little i like to say zach's fat he always tells me i'm fat i know
Marc:but but he's not that fat like but he has clearly made a decision about his demeanor yeah his type that like you know he's you know very compressed oddball you know he he plays it like the repressed kind of like about to explode slightly awkward guy and ed helms has got this sort of like you know slightly virile geek thing going that he seems to hit
Marc:And I don't know if those are decisions, but I think that once you start branding yourself, you're going to play that guy and it's expected of you.
Guest 2:Where's my wheelhouse so I know where to work so I don't waste my time in this business?
Marc:Well, I don't know.
Marc:That's what I'm saying.
Marc:Have you ever thought that?
Guest 2:But you've seen me in every movie.
Guest 2:You should be able to tell me.
Guest 2:What's my type?
Guest 2:If you had to say, this is your type, you should pursue these.
Guest 2:Don't waste your energy on this.
Guest 2:Go maximum this guy.
Marc:Well, I thought personally, you can do earnest, funny, pretty good, and you can play the priest or the coach or whatever, but the doctor had an edge to him.
Marc:I like that more.
Marc:Yeah, and I think that it was like, holy shit, there's some things in Matt.
Guest 2:i like the angry more yeah yeah and i thought it was funny because it was surprising because i'd known you for a while and i've seen you in things and i'm like holy shit this guy's like you fucking idiot you know the that's what you're saying to him and yeah and that was funny it's not funny this this interview isn't funny but what are you talking about it's education i wouldn't classify talking about comedy as funny well what were you expecting exactly i love the show i'm just i'm sort of uh covering my ass if people don't like us talking about comedy
Marc:Oh, but there are some people that like it.
Guest 2:Do they?
Guest 2:Okay.
Marc:Yeah, because there's a lot of people, there's a lot of comics that listen to this, a lot of young people that want to get into comedy, and a lot of people that know nothing about the business and because of me have become perversely fascinated.
Guest 2:But don't you feel like Steve Allen or some of those older guys when they talk about comedy, don't you sort of have a reaction of like, oh, God, this is going to get boring really quick?
Marc:No, because you're really dealing with, like, I went to a UCB show, and the thing that drives me nuts about improv, I rarely go to improv shows.
Guest 2:You rarely go to other people's shows in general.
Guest 2:That's true.
Guest 2:Be honest.
Guest 2:Okay.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Uh, because I don't, you know, it's just not about me.
Marc:And like if people were doing an improv show, I very rarely go see improv.
Guest 2:So I'm, I'm similar.
Marc:Like an improv show called Mark Maron's brain.
Guest 2:You would love that.
Guest 2:That would be great.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Or Hey guy in Highland park.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That's great.
Marc:Like, you know, Hey, I'm a little closer.
Marc:I'm Mark Maron's neighbor.
Marc:I'd go see that one man show.
Um,
Marc:But no, but I like watching comics because I'm always at comedy clubs.
Marc:But I'll go to the UCB and I'll see, you know, I always feel bad because like if my show runs late, I did this on stage once.
Marc:If my show's running over, I know there's a room full of kids next door going, I've got my Mr. Waffle outfit on.
Marc:I want to get out there.
Marc:You know, they got their big plans.
Marc:But like one thing I noticed about improv now, and you don't see it in comedy because I never went to classes for anything, is that you get people that are just sort of like, I thought it helped me at my job.
Marc:Or I thought that, you know, it helped me with my communication skills.
Marc:Like I'll go see a UCB show and I'll see one or two guys that are like, they're just here to get to learn how to be around people.
Marc:But they can turn out to be funny, people.
Guest 2:They can.
Guest 2:And at the end of the day, that's not a terrible thing.
Marc:No, it actually goes back to the original intention of where modern improv came from.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:I don't know if it's therapy, because I don't want to be teaching therapy to people, but I think it does...
Guest 2:People who have no sense... It's more theatrical.
Guest 2:They have no sense of how to interact with someone on stage and how to be comfortable in a spontaneous moment, perhaps.
Guest 2:They could take that away and they could learn a few tricks.
Guest 2:But I truly believe it's about listening.
Guest 2:If you could teach someone to listen, to literally take something that someone said and then find what's unusual about that and learn to attack it and explore it, that's a great skill.
Marc:Wait, what did you say?
Marc:I tuned out in the middle.
Guest 2:I said... Exactly.
Guest 2:Exactly.
Guest 2:But you can't teach someone to have a point of view because you could...
Guest 2:It's the same thing with comedy.
Guest 2:If you walk out, you might find five jokes in an hour or five interesting things.
Guest 2:You can't teach an interesting point of view.
Guest 2:That's inherent.
Marc:Well, the other thing you can't teach is if somebody is fundamentally untalented and it happens, it doesn't mean they're bad people.
Marc:It doesn't mean they don't function.
Marc:They're probably much better mentally than talented people.
Marc:As long as they're not opening for you.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But I mean, certain people like with with with comedy, relatively untalented people can can get a lot of distance because, you know, if you can learn how to tell a joke or you can take the very, you know, the small slither of talent that you've been given.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And work it.
Guest 2:You can do all right.
Guest 2:You could play the straight man.
Guest 2:The straight man is the most underrated role in comedy.
Guest 2:If you can.
Guest 2:Interact with a crazy character or a crazy premise and play it as grounded and real like as if you were there.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:That's what Ben Stiller does.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:He plays it real and he's anxious and he's like, but he's doing it really well.
Guest 2:He's also a great physical comedian.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:He's very funny on his own, but a lot of time he's just letting weird people walk into his world and he's like, uh-huh.
Guest 2:And he's pretending he's okay, but you know he's not, which is probably close to how he would really behave.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:Yep.
Marc:I play the straight man on this show frequently, but I just I just as a point of view of somebody who's dealing with all these young people that come in and realizing that that some of them because I like I get it almost it touches me when I see if I go to UCB and I see an improv show and there's that one person that can barely talk publicly.
Marc:Yeah, like they're just like, hello.
Marc:You know, and you could just tell that they're just so wide open and they can't protect themselves.
Marc:They don't have any buffer that it's almost kind of touching and a little bit.
Marc:But those people can be funny.
Marc:I know.
Guest 2:That's what I'm saying.
Guest 2:Yeah, exactly.
Guest 2:If they can get comfortable because you don't know what their thoughts are yet.
Guest 2:You just know that they and sometimes awkwardness is funny.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Awkward delivery, obviously, is really good.
Guest 2:It's true.
Marc:And I think that what you were saying about before, about having, you know, when you fail, it's a failure as a group.
Marc:It's sort of like a band.
Marc:You can just blame the bass player or the fat guy.
Guest 2:You can turn on other people in the group, absolutely.
Guest 2:But generally, you all take the bullet.
Marc:And what is it?
Marc:Does it become sort of like a family environment, like a commune?
Marc:Like, do people make it their home away from home, or you don't allow that?
Guest 2:They do.
Guest 2:But also, like, there's a lot of support there in general.
Guest 2:Sure.
Guest 2:Because people get very, yeah.
Guest 2:But there are places where I was in a theater company in Chicago when I first started out.
Guest 2:And it was a bit of a cult.
Guest 2:And we all thought there was like 30 of us that we're all going to stick together and get our own thing.
Marc:Cult in like what way?
Guest 2:Cult in like there was one guy who was the theater director.
Guest 2:And we all sort of bowed down to him a bit.
Guest 2:And he was radical.
Guest 2:And he was very talented.
Guest 2:But then it became about if you disagreed with his word as opposed to like just let these people who came here do whatever they want.
Guest 2:It was all about him weighing in on everything in a way.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:They become like that.
Marc:Acting teachers become like that, too.
Marc:They don't have any resume to speak of as an actor, but they're these revered old method guys or whatever.
Guest 2:I took one acting class in L.A.
Guest 2:with Andrew Donnelly.
Guest 2:You know him.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Very funny.
Guest 2:And he coached.
Guest 2:He suckered me into it, but I did want to get better at acting.
Guest 2:So we took the class and literally we went through this warm-up every class where the woman was...
Guest 2:The goal was to, like, access different emotions so you can feel them.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Because sometimes you're going to have to play angry in a movie or you're going to have to cry.
Guest 2:So she would walk you through, and I'll think of something happy, and then people would be in their own space, like, laughing.
Guest 2:It's a little gay, but you'd be doing that.
Guest 2:And I'm trying to not judge, and I'm trying to commit.
Guest 2:And literally, she'd take you to the low points, and I'll think of something sad.
Guest 2:And I'll think of something that really makes you sad.
Guest 2:And there was one woman, I'm not kidding you, every time she was reliving a rape, I swear to God, you could hear her in the corner going, oh, oh, oh!
Guest 2:And it's like, how is this helping my acting?
Guest 2:And then me and Donnelly would open our eyes and go, this isn't a good class.
Guest 2:This is not a good class.
Marc:Oh, no.
Marc:There's always one person in the acting class that is way too needy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's ridiculous that, I mean, on one level, it's good that people have the outlet, but on another level, it's almost like a cult with no direction other than to fulfill the ego needs of the teacher.
Guest 2:That's what's... It becomes a fascistic organization or whatever.
Guest 2:Yes, exactly.
Marc:It's just sort of like, you know, all these vulnerable, fucked up people that have undeveloped talent are just deferring to this, you know, this person that couldn't make it in show business.
Guest 2:And hopefully the lesson you learn is, like, I can leave any time.
Guest 2:Like, why am I giving this person power?
Marc:I had an acting teacher in college who made me do a scene, an angry scene, like, from Burn or something.
Marc:I don't remember what it was from.
Marc:But he had...
Marc:three or four of the guys in the class hold me back, and he said, I want you to do your monologue and try to get to the other side of the room.
Guest 2:I think that's useful once.
Guest 2:I would say that's useful once.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:I do, because they're pushing you to...
Guest 2:into a circumstance that like I actually like acting against something I do like that because if you're like to do a monologue while you're dodging bullet fire that would be so easy or like action if you're an action hero that must be the easiest acting in the world because you're you're running and you're dodging and you're fighting that's the easiest so they're putting you in a situation where you're almost instinctively taken care of so I think doing that once is useful
Marc:Now, with improv, though, I guess the other thing that I was going to talk about was just the fact that you don't have to deal with that in the same way that acting classes have to deal with them.
Marc:Because the primary intention is to be funny.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:You're generating comedy.
Guest 2:And at the theater, there's maybe three improv nights and four straight-up comedy nights.
Guest 2:The majority of what goes on there is just straight-ahead comedy.
Guest 2:So you don't have to deal with breakdowns.
Guest 2:There's psychos that come through.
Guest 2:I mean, I told you the pot brownie story.
Guest 2:That's a little crazy.
Guest 2:Well, like, what are some other ones?
Guest 2:What is a good crazy moment?
Guest 2:Like the rest of the class is sort of like... Well, I think there's other people who can't take notes.
Guest 2:Like, if you and I just did a little scene and I said, okay, here's what you did wrong.
Guest 2:If they go, no, that's not what I did, then you don't understand what I was going for.
Guest 2:And then you have to say, like, well, listen, I've done this a long time.
Guest 2:You can either choose to hear what I'm saying...
Guest 2:Or continue on the path that you're on, which I don't think you're going to grow.
Guest 2:You know what I mean?
Guest 2:And then if they continue to do that, it's like, all right, after this class is over, make sure that person doesn't come back.
Guest 2:And you give them their money back?
Guest 2:No, you let them finish the class, and you try to manage it so... Oh, because of their levels.
Guest 2:Yeah, exactly.
Guest 2:Level one.
Guest 2:And then you just tell whoever's... We have people who run the school.
Guest 2:This person is a problem.
Guest 2:They're not getting it.
Marc:Has the class ever...
Guest 2:ganged up on does that happen that has to happen you're dealing with a bunch of unless you're a terrible teacher they're there to want to learn and especially like within the group dynamic is there's got to be the one dud oh yes there is sometimes there is and you have to manage that where like people don't want to step into a scene with the crazy person or the terrible person what does crazy mean
Guest 2:crazy is like well one kind of crazy yeah well one kind of crazy is like I said like controlling right and like not letting you talk and say no we're gonna play tea party or the other thing is like going to the same thing over and over like like literally like every scene that starts if you're with a person and all they do is like open cabinets and dry a plate and say good morning honey like every time it's some version of that you're not gonna get to a funny place generally you can't occasionally or the first time you do it but so people who don't the obsessive plate dryer yes
Guest 2:That doesn't help comedy.
Guest 2:Or the cabinet opening.
Guest 2:Not going to get you funny.
Guest 2:Or opening a fake beer only.
Guest 2:Where are you guys at with theaters?
Guest 2:What's existing?
Guest 2:What's coming?
Guest 2:We're going to open a new space in New York at the old Two Boots Pizzeria.
Guest 2:On the Ory side?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Third and A or whatever that is.
Guest 2:And it's going to be a little more stand-up friendly, a little more multivisual because we're taking over an old theater.
Guest 2:Small, tiny little theater.
Guest 2:Yeah, I know that theater.
Guest 2:yeah it's downstairs right or uh it's upstairs it's right behind the video store right right yeah so we're taking over that so you'll have two in new york you have one here we'll have one here is there one in chicago no we'll never do chicago i don't think why why compete or kind of yeah kind of there's plenty of there's like improv olympic what about austin what do you talk about i've always said we should open a place in austin i firmly believe that austin or like portland seattle one of those two right and uh do you guys make money
Marc:At the school?
Guest 2:No, not yet.
Guest 2:The school makes money.
Guest 2:The theater is in the red.
Guest 2:You know, it breaks even or loses a little money.
Guest 2:Right.
Marc:So you separate them, but you guys make, you generate some income.
Guest 2:I don't.
Guest 2:You don't.
Guest 2:No.
Guest 2:You put, we take the money and we put it into other projects.
Guest 2:Like we bought, we're getting another theater in New York.
Guest 2:Is that a rule?
Guest 2:That's just how we always did it.
Guest 2:When we came to New York, our little sketch group, we would do teaching classes, and we would take the money, and we'd put it in a pool, and then we'd buy tickets to LA so people in LA could see it.
Guest 2:You know what I mean?
Guest 2:It was like the money went into furthering the group, not just individuals.
Guest 2:That was when it was for you.
Guest 2:Yes.
Guest 2:And what's Ian up to?
Guest 2:Ian is a very successful screenwriter.
Guest 2:He sells screenplays with his writing partner, Jay Martell.
Guest 2:Ian and I, good transition, are doing a show on Spike that airs March 2nd called Players.
Guest 2:I sold it.
Guest 2:It's two brothers who open a sports bar in Phoenix.
Guest 2:They're like Felix and Oscar.
Guest 2:oh that's great and you already shot some we shot 10 oh it's done we're done yeah there's March 2nd after Entourage how'd it come out I think really funny and it's improv it's like sort of Larry David style we hammer out really tight outlines it's not as like Seinfeld-y and like weird connections come in the end but it's definitely loosely scripted we go in and we improvise the scenes do them a bunch of takes and then we have joke sheets on the day we all write a bunch of jokes because we know we're going to be ordering drinks so one of the writers will write like 15 funny things to order so we'll have
Guest 2:the loose outline and we'll have a few joke sheets and then we have paul uh paul sheer's wife uh june rafael besser's wife danielle schneider all these wives i know this guy jack mcgee and this kid james pomfrey and that's the cast that's awesome it's gonna be on hbo uh spike on spike the men's channel i thought you said it was after entourage reruns they bought reruns of entourage oh awesome yeah well great talking to you matt yeah thanks mark and uh continued future success thank you you too okay
Bye.
Marc:So right now, in the garage, today, we're going to be talking about pot.
Marc:I know a lot of people like to talk about pot, but I'm not going to trivialize it here.
Marc:I mean, what we have going on here in Los Angeles is that, as in some other states, I haven't done all the research, but we have marijuana dispensaries, medical marijuana.
Marc:It's become very popular, but it's also very helpful.
Marc:People with cancer, people with depression, people with a lot of different things are aided
Marc:uh greatly by uh marijuana use and we've had issue here in los angeles where they want to close a lot of the dispensaries i think some are closing and there's a movement against that obviously but there's also i mean i don't think enough people talk to the health care practitioners to the people that are are in charge of the marijuana dispensaries and the people that on a day-to-day basis really see the kind of pain and and the kind of uh
Marc:uh, discomfort that, uh, that medical marijuana can treat.
Marc:And today, uh, in the garage, we have, uh, how do I pronounce your name, sir?
Marc:Uh, you can just call me frog frog.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Uh, we have frog is with us in the, in the garage and he is, I guess you, uh, you're, I, you're a medical practitioner at a, at a marijuana dispensary.
Guest 4:Well, yeah, I like to say that I'm a purveyor of herbotherapy.
Guest 4:Yeah, okay.
Guest 4:And my establishment in East LA is called Homeboy Healing.
Guest 4:Homeboy Healing.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I mean, I don't, you know, I guess that's because of the neighborhood.
Marc:You want to play to the neighborhood and they, because I would think it would have been a little more medical, no?
Guest 4:Well, the healing's in there.
Guest 4:I mean, we're definitely doing healings.
Guest 4:So, you know, the medical part is in there.
Guest 4:And I want my homeboys to come in, you know?
Guest 4:Sure, sure.
Guest 4:It's really cool, man, because, you know, all my homeboys will come.
Guest 4:And just say you, okay?
Guest 4:And, like, you go to your doctor, right?
Guest 4:You get a prescription for medical cannabis, you know?
Guest 4:So you come into my place and...
Guest 4:You say, okay, I want a prescription.
Guest 4:And I'll say, wait, hold on right there.
Guest 4:You just can't walk in.
Guest 4:It's not like no laws here.
Guest 4:Yeah, right.
Guest 4:You got to wait at the desk.
Guest 4:And while I check you out and get all the credentials and everything together.
Guest 4:What does that mean though?
Guest 4:I don't know, man.
Guest 4:Anybody could come in my place and shoot the place up and steal my stash.
Guest 4:I don't want that.
Marc:Oh, I see what you're saying.
Marc:So they have to be safe.
Marc:Oh, I get it.
Marc:Now, I don't smoke pot.
Marc:All right, herb or whatever.
Marc:I don't smoke.
Guest 4:I used to.
Guest 4:You don't ever smoke, though?
Guest 4:What you eat?
Guest 4:You eat, like, you know, because we got, like, popsicles.
Guest 4:We got brownies.
Guest 4:We got cookies.
Guest 4:We got all that, man.
Guest 4:With pot in them?
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:Oh, I see what you're saying.
Guest 4:Yeah, popsicles?
Guest 4:Get you super high.
Guest 4:I mean, super medicated, you know?
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:But you got pot popsicles?
Guest 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
Guest 4:Oh, yeah.
Guest 4:What's that for the kids?
Guest 4:Well, we don't like to say that because it's not good to get kids hooked on medication too early, but basically, yeah.
Marc:Now, let me ask you, I guess, maybe a personal question.
Marc:Before, medical marijuana hasn't been around that long, and now it's on its way out in some areas.
Marc:Are you in danger of losing your clinic?
No.
Guest 4:You know, if that happens, you know, if the laws come to that, I just want to say to people that Homeboy Healing will always be there, you know, whether we're in the building or whether, you know, I come to your house, you know, or whether you meet me on Second Street, you know, whatever.
Guest 4:Homeboy Healing is always going to be in the treatment business.
Guest 4:Right, so you're on call.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:Oh, I get it.
Guest 4:And I say this to everybody too.
Guest 4:Not all your medications and all your healing necessarily happens with marijuana or cannabis.
Guest 4:There's also a lot of other healing.
Guest 4:So I got healing for people who want to party and stay up all night.
Marc:Oh, so you got a lot of different medicine.
Guest 4:People who need to see things, that kind of healing, visions and stuff like that.
Guest 4:There's all types of healing, man.
Guest 4:I can hook you up with all that.
Guest 4:Okay.
Guest 4:So do you have a license for this?
Guest 4:Yeah, I got a driver's license.
Guest 4:It's right here.
Guest 4:State of California, Holmes.
Guest 4:It's right here.
Guest 4:It's got George Schwarzenegger's name right on the bottom.
Marc:Arnold Schwarzenegger, right?
Guest 4:Right, right, right.
Guest 4:The governor.
Marc:Yeah, we're completely legal, man.
Guest 4:What exactly, what kind of, what do you offer them?
Guest 4:They come in.
Guest 4:Oh, man, we got all the best medications.
Guest 4:We got, oh, have you tried bubble gum, man?
Guest 4:I haven't smoked in about 10 years.
Guest 4:Oh, bubble gum is awesome, man.
Guest 4:Is it good?
Guest 4:It's awesome, man.
Guest 4:What makes it better?
Guest 4:It'll really get you medicated.
Guest 4:It'll really heal you.
Guest 4:Yeah, sure.
Guest 4:Yeah, okay.
Guest 4:We got Bubba Kush, Afghan Kush, Godfather of Silver Hays, NYC Purple, Granddaddy Purple, Blueberry, Count Smokula.
Guest 4:Oh.
Guest 4:We got Chocolate Light, Diet Kush, Diet Sativa.
Guest 4:Diet Kush?
Guest 4:Uh-huh.
Guest 4:What do you mean?
Guest 4:Diet Kush?
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:It's just like Kush Light.
Guest 4:Okay, yeah, sure.
Guest 4:Yeah, it's got half the calories.
Guest 4:You know, we have a little saying down at the clinic.
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:It's, hey, man, don't bogart your medicine, man.
Guest 4:Sure.
Guest 4:How do you protect?
Guest 4:I mean, I guess you're in a bad neighborhood.
Guest 4:Sure, man.
Guest 4:You know, I mean, bad, good, whatever.
Guest 4:You know, it's just our neighborhood, man, and we protect it.
Guest 4:Sure.
Guest 4:So what does that mean?
Guest 4:Have you had any trouble?
Guest 4:No, man, there's not going to be any trouble, man.
Guest 4:There's never going to be any trouble.
Guest 4:As long as those fools over on Second Street, you know?
Guest 4:Yeah.
Guest 4:And by the way, man, don't buy from them, all right, man?
Guest 4:Because their shit skunk, man.
Guest 4:Their shit skunk.
Guest 4:We got the good shit, man.
Guest 4:But those fools on Second Street, if there's any more trouble, it's going to come from them.
Guest 4:And we're going to settle it, man.
Guest 4:We're going to settle it.
Guest 4:Homeboy Healing is going to settle this shit, you know?
Guest 4:Because we're the best dispensary in all of L.A., man.
Marc:So this is another dispensary.
Guest 4:Yeah, yeah, man, I'm not even going to say their names, man.
Guest 4:I'm not even going to say their names, but Ronnie and Pugo and all you guys at the 2nd Street dispensary, you're always going to get yours, man.
Guest 4:You're going to get yours.
Guest 4:You're going to die, Holmes.
Marc:So this is just competition between dispensaries?
Guest 4:Just healthy competition, man, business competition.
Guest 4:But I tell you what, man, those fools, man, don't buy that stuff, man.
Guest 4:And if you do, then you have to answer the homeboys, man.
Guest 4:Now, where do you get your medicine?
Guest 4:Oh, right, okay.
Guest 4:Yeah, well, you know, it comes in a truck.
Guest 4:Uh-huh.
Guest 4:Is it state, like, stamped or something?
Guest 4:I probably shouldn't, you know, really talk about where it comes from, but, you know, like I always tell people when they come in, they say, where does it come from?
Guest 4:I say, man, wheat comes from the earth, man.
Guest 4:It comes from God, Holmes.
Marc:But, you know, you're dealing in popsicles, in candies, in... Chocolate kush, man.
Marc:It's like smoking a chocolate cake, Holmes.
Marc:Wow, man.
Marc:See, now I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm sick.
Guest 4:I need medicine.
Guest 4:You are sick, man.
Guest 4:I can tell.
Guest 4:What does that mean?
Guest 4:That's what homeboy healing treats, man.
Guest 4:Your illnesses, you know?
Guest 4:The lack of weed in your life, in your lungs, in your bloodstream.
Guest 4:So lack of weed is a sickness.
Guest 4:Yes, because the human body does not produce enough THC for you to stay in a state of constant arousal.
Guest 4:But marijuana, see, it allows a person to have that THC inside their system and then they're happy.
Guest 4:Okay, so let's plug the establishment again.
Guest 4:Homeboy healing.
Guest 4:Homeboy healing on East 2nd.
Guest 4:No, man, don't go to those fools.
Guest 4:I'm telling you, man.
Guest 4:I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Guest 4:I'm telling you, man.
Guest 4:We're in East L.A., man.
Guest 4:We're on 16th Street.
Guest 4:Don't go to those fools on 2nd Street, man.
Guest 4:They're shit skunk, man.
Guest 4:They're shit skunk.
Guest 4:It's probably got Lysol in it.
Guest 4:And they probably don't have chocolate kush.
Guest 4:Skunk weed, man.
Guest 4:It's got seeds.
Guest 4:No, man, they don't got the chocolate.
Guest 4:They don't got blueberry.
Guest 4:They don't got Kalsmokula.
Guest 4:They don't got bubble gum.
Guest 4:You got everything.
Guest 4:Stivas, Indicas, all you want, man.
Marc:Okay, well, it was great talking to you, Frog.
Guest 4:yeah anybody come on down man and you know what you get on your first eighth you get a chunk of a hash free so free hash yeah on your first eighth so all new customers come on in oh here's my phone man so i gotta make a i gotta make a run because i gotta do some healing don't do they need prescriptions they do right
Guest 4:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest 4:You definitely need a prescription, man.
Guest 4:You know, we're pretty casual on the prescription, so if it's written on a napkin or, you know, an envelope or something, you know, even if the envelope has an address and the address isn't even to you.
Guest 4:My guest has been Frog.
Marc:His dispensary is down in East L.A.
Marc:Very professional.
Marc:Homeboy Healing.
Marc:And you're not in danger of being closed down, right?
Marc:No, man.
Marc:We're not getting closed down, man.
Guest 4:We're going forever, man.
Marc:Okay.
Guest 4:Homeboys live forever.
Marc:Okay, buddy.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Thanks for being my guest.
Guest 4:Thank you.
Marc:All right, that's our show, folks.
Marc:I hope you enjoyed that.
Marc:Of course, you can always go to WTFpod.com to get your WTF T-shirt, your Nerdcock T-shirt.
Marc:You can give us a little bread because I could use the bread.
Marc:Trying to make a living here, if you know what I'm saying.
Marc:There's a donate button.
Marc:You can follow us on Twitter.
Marc:You can get just coffee.
Marc:There's now videos up at the site of the live WTFs.
Marc:We are doing another live WTF on February 19th.
Marc:Uh, we've got Maryland Rice Cub, Lori Kilmartin, Jackie Cation, uh, Eddie Pepitone and Jim Earl.
Marc:That's at the UCB theater here in Los Angeles on Friday, February 19th.
Marc:Uh, come on out for that.
Marc:Go to punchline magazine.com for all your comedy curiosity and just coffee.coop, uh,
Marc:As usual, it is fair trade coffee.
Marc:The hippies up there in Madison want me to say that.
Marc:So now you know it's fair trade.
Marc:So go get yourself some JustCoffee.coop and I will talk to you on Thursday or whenever you listen to this.
Marc:Adios.
.
.