Episode 44 - John Caparulo

Episode 44 • Released February 3, 2010 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Marc:Lock the gates!

00:00:07Guest 1:Are we doing this?

00:00:08Guest 1:Really?

00:00:08Guest 1:Wait for it.

00:00:09Guest 1:Are we doing this?

00:00:10Guest 1:Wait for it.

00:00:12Guest 1:Pow!

00:00:12Guest 1:What the fuck?

00:00:14Guest 1:And it's also... Eh, what the fuck?

00:00:16Guest 1:What's wrong with me?

00:00:17Guest 1:It's time for WTF!

00:00:19Guest 1:What the fuck?

00:00:20Guest 1:With Mark Maron.

00:00:23Marc:Okay, let's do this.

00:00:25Marc:Oh, shit.

00:00:26Marc:What the fuckers?

00:00:27Marc:How's it going?

00:00:28Marc:What the fuck, buddies?

00:00:30Marc:I think I'm losing what the fucking ears.

00:00:31Marc:Let me set a stage for you out here because things are a little different out here in the garage up here at the cat ranch in the hills of the barrio of Highland Park.

00:00:38Marc:I've taken to burning some Nag Champa when I do my show.

00:00:43Marc:So I got some Nag Champa going.

00:00:45Marc:I got a little smell, you know, the nice incense.

00:00:48Marc:I'm doing it in the morning these days for some reason.

00:00:51Marc:I get up, I get out of bed.

00:00:52Marc:As you know, I pee off the deck to feel free.

00:00:56Marc:And I'm wearing my howling wolf sleep pants from Target.

00:01:02Marc:I need to have sleep pants now because I have and thank you for the emailer.

00:01:07Marc:I neglected to get your name, but somebody has helped me in my problem with what to call the woman who lives in my house, who is now has a problem with me calling a woman who lives in my house because she thinks that makes her sound like an old lady.

00:01:20Marc:And I was I was didn't want to call her my roommate.

00:01:23Marc:And someone suggested that we are not sharing a room.

00:01:25Marc:So she is my housemate.

00:01:27Marc:So I have to wear something around the house.

00:01:30Marc:It's getting a little a little dicey in the sense that, you know, at some point I'm going to I'm going to get caught naked.

00:01:37Marc:But that's part of what being in a housemate situation is about.

00:01:41Marc:Sometimes you're going to get caught naked in your housemates room watching her sleep.

00:01:46Marc:I don't really do that.

00:01:47Marc:But I got these these howling wolf sweet pants, these flannel sweet pants at Target that just have a bunch of little howling wolves on them.

00:01:56Marc:Literally howling wolves, not black blue singers with horn rim glasses, but actual howling wolves.

00:02:03Marc:Though I'd sort of like to get the pants with the Blue Singer on them.

00:02:06Marc:That would be a little weird.

00:02:07Marc:Anyway, so I got the Nag Champa going.

00:02:09Marc:I got my Howling Wolf sweep pants on.

00:02:10Marc:I got my fleece on, my North Gate, my North whatever it is, North Face fleece, and a little sort of dock worker stocking cap.

00:02:20Marc:And I'm bunkered in out here doing the big work.

00:02:23Marc:A couple of things I want to give you a heads up to.

00:02:25Marc:Before I get into the show proper, as I'd like to call it now, the show proper.

00:02:30Marc:This isn't the show proper.

00:02:31Marc:This is the leading into the show.

00:02:34Marc:A couple of things.

00:02:34Marc:I feel pretty fucking good today, and I know that might scare some of you, but I don't know what the hell happened last night.

00:02:40Marc:that made me feel better.

00:02:42Marc:And I'd like to just think it's because I'm evolving as a person.

00:02:46Marc:But then I started to think, uh, my friend Antonia gave me this stuff called bio K. I don't, because she said it's going to make me not get sick.

00:02:56Marc:And by okay, it's like a yogurt-y thing.

00:03:00Marc:It's got live cultures in it.

00:03:02Marc:It's immune system support or some shit.

00:03:05Marc:I don't know what it is.

00:03:06Marc:Maybe it had nothing to do with anything.

00:03:08Marc:But I think those bugs are making me feel better in my guts.

00:03:12Marc:I got bugs in my guts for good things.

00:03:14Marc:That's a poem.

00:03:16Marc:I got bugs in my guts for good things.

00:03:18Marc:Okay, heads up.

00:03:19Marc:Here's what I want to tell you.

00:03:20Marc:Starting to put some video up on WTFpod.com.

00:03:23Marc:We got Maria Bamford from one of the live shows.

00:03:25Marc:We got Jimmy Pardo up there.

00:03:26Marc:I believe Jeff Garland is going up.

00:03:28Marc:So there is video to be watched at WTFpod.com.

00:03:31Marc:And the shirts are starting to go.

00:03:33Marc:Thank you for supporting Nerdcock, the idea, the t-shirt, and the WTF shirts.

00:03:38Marc:And I also want to apologize to some people.

00:03:40Marc:I am not an organized person.

00:03:42Marc:I'm choosing to do everything myself because I want to have control over what goes out and my interaction with you people and the t-shirts, but it's a little overwhelming, and I'm not very good at it.

00:03:53Marc:I apologize if there's been some delays with the subscriber t-shirts, but they're on the way, and if you have not got yours...

00:03:58Marc:Please tell me, just write me.

00:04:00Marc:And the emails, we're gonna do an email show.

00:04:02Marc:They're starting to stack up.

00:04:03Marc:I know, I'm reading them.

00:04:04Marc:I only have so much of me to go around and my day is consumed with doing this and responding to your emails.

00:04:11Marc:I'm trying to respond to them and I will do a full email show very shortly.

00:04:17Marc:This one came today.

00:04:18Marc:Hey Mark, love your podcast and share your general discomfort with being conscious.

00:04:23Marc:Just wanted to say how great it is to know that others are out there

00:04:26Marc:Have a piece of nicotine gum or a lozenge in their mouth at all times.

00:04:29Marc:I have absolutely no idea how much nicotine is coursing through my body at any given point, yet I am proud of not smoking.

00:04:36Marc:It's odd.

00:04:37Marc:Anyways, keep up the good work.

00:04:40Marc:Tyler.

00:04:41Marc:I deal with that every day.

00:04:42Marc:I have no idea how much nicotine I have in my body.

00:04:44Marc:I think I want to get free of it.

00:04:45Marc:I want to get free of the coffee.

00:04:46Marc:I want to get free of the nicotine and just do a cleanse.

00:04:49Marc:I'm trying to do a cleanse.

00:04:51Marc:I mean, I keep steaming vegetables.

00:04:53Marc:I keep buying vegetables at the farmer's market, buy a big batch of vegetables, steam them up, make some brown rice.

00:05:00Marc:I have oatmeal in the morning that I'll do that for lunch and I'll feel clean as fuck.

00:05:04Marc:And then I don't know what the fuck happens.

00:05:07Marc:And somewhere around 1030, 11 at night, I say, hey, maybe my housemate Stosh wants some ice cream.

00:05:16Marc:So I'll buy two ice creams and I say, look, I got you ice cream.

00:05:19Marc:She'll go.

00:05:19Marc:That's great.

00:05:20Marc:And then I'll eat both of them.

00:05:23Marc:I don't know.

00:05:24Marc:It's not my you know, I'll get on it.

00:05:26Marc:I've gotten on it before.

00:05:27Marc:I only get I have a very deep fear as I get older of becoming pear shaped.

00:05:34Marc:So I try, you know, I'll panic and I'll just I'll become anorexic for a while for like a month and lose a bunch of weight.

00:05:41Marc:And then and a fan sent some brownies yesterday.

00:05:44Marc:What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

00:05:47Marc:But I don't say that.

00:05:48Marc:I get the brownies and there's that moment like, oh, they're so good.

00:05:51Marc:Hell yeah.

00:05:52Marc:I'm going to eat.

00:05:53Marc:Oh, fuck.

00:05:54Marc:Anyways, this is not important.

00:05:56Marc:These are not issues we need to be talking about.

00:05:59Marc:Maybe I'm feeling good because I've been doing some Haiti benefits.

00:06:03Marc:I've done four Haiti benefits.

00:06:06Marc:Okay, granted, only one of them was organized.

00:06:09Marc:Okay, I've been doing some Haiti benefits on my own.

00:06:13Marc:Like yesterday, I had breakfast for Haiti, which is I made a deal with myself to donate $1 for every bowl of cereal I ate for breakfast.

00:06:25Marc:I ended up eating a bowl and a half

00:06:26Marc:So that was $1.50 to Haiti yesterday morning.

00:06:30Marc:And then yesterday afternoon, I organized the go to the gym for Haiti event, which involved me.

00:06:36Marc:And I went to the gym and I made a deal with myself to give 80 cents for every mile that I run on the treadmill.

00:06:44Marc:So that was four miles.

00:06:45Marc:So that was $3.20.

00:06:48Marc:Plus the dollar 50.

00:06:49Marc:I'm not trivializing this.

00:06:50Marc:These are these are events that I so that, you know, that a little bit of money went to Haiti just from the benefits that I organized.

00:06:56Marc:And then I went to an actual benefit that was organized by somebody else at the improv with Margaret Cho and some other people and the Conan writers.

00:07:03Marc:And I don't know how much we raise for that.

00:07:05Marc:All I know is that when I run the benefit myself at home, I know where the money's going and how much is going.

00:07:11Marc:And I'm not taking anything off the top.

00:07:14Marc:When I make a promise, I send it.

00:07:15Marc:I don't want to trivialize the event.

00:07:17Marc:I also think that, and this may be very wrong-minded because culturally...

00:07:22Marc:It's it's it's very sad what's happened in Haiti, and it's very sad that people in this country, especially in Hollywood, you know, benefits become a trend.

00:07:33Marc:They become a way of advertising.

00:07:35Marc:I'm not clear how much money goes anywhere, but there are benefits happening right now down the street.

00:07:39Marc:I'm sure there's a benefit going on that.

00:07:41Marc:And then people need to associate themselves.

00:07:43Marc:with the idea of donating money to Haiti.

00:07:50Marc:I don't know that people are really associated or empathizing necessarily with the Haitian people and what they're going through, but certainly in a selfish culture that we live in, given the opportunity to be part of a collective event that seems to connote some...

00:08:08Marc:conscience and empathy people will jump right on having never thought about haiti before or never thought about their neighbor before or never thought about the dire straits that this country has been before or never thought about public health care or never thought about anything but once an event that that is deemed good by the world becomes trendy all of a sudden everybody is empathetic all of a sudden everybody has a heart

00:08:34Marc:I'm not judging it.

00:08:36Marc:I believe that charity is good.

00:08:38Marc:My heart goes out to the pain that people are going through there, and they've had pain before.

00:08:44Marc:I mean, on some level, if there is a God, and I'm not saying there is...

00:08:49Marc:I don't know, man.

00:08:51Marc:But, you know, now Haiti is the earthquake place, which they are now defined by that tragedy, which I think if you look at the tragedy they have been defined by in this ignorant culture that we live in.

00:09:01Marc:I mean, for about 30 years, Haiti was the place that gave AIDS to the world.

00:09:06Marc:And now they're, you know, maybe God in some weird silver lining is as it's cut them a break.

00:09:12Marc:Now they're the earthquake place, which is horrible.

00:09:15Marc:But they're no longer the place that gave the world AIDS.

00:09:18Marc:That's cynical and satirical, and I hope you don't take it the wrong way.

00:09:22Marc:Donate what you can.

00:09:23Marc:I almost killed a couple of Mexican fellas down at the bottom of my hill the other night, and I want to share this for a couple reasons, because I'm not a hard man.

00:09:34Marc:I'm not hard.

00:09:36Marc:I don't have a game face.

00:09:39Marc:I'm not a killer.

00:09:41Marc:I don't have pimp eye or gas eye or evil eye.

00:09:47Marc:I can do that.

00:09:49Marc:But I mean, when the cards are down and things get hairy, I probably shit my pants.

00:09:54Marc:Speaking of that, hold on.

00:09:59Marc:pow i did just shit my pants just coffee.coop is fair trade coffee and available at wtfpod.com so here's what happens the reason there's a couple of things that i want to explore here in the sense that i was driving i almost hit them with my car a couple of gangbangy looking guys and that's me prejudging because i live in a barrio and these guys were young it was the middle of the night they were walking in the street

00:10:25Marc:I'm driving down the street, my hill.

00:10:27Marc:I'm driving down the hill at night, minding my own business, texting.

00:10:31Marc:And I look up, and I'm literally hitting these guys.

00:10:35Marc:These two kids.

00:10:36Marc:They're about 18, 15, 20.

00:10:38Marc:I don't know how old they are.

00:10:40Marc:But it's night, and they just came out of nowhere.

00:10:42Marc:Two Mexican guys.

00:10:43Marc:And all of a sudden, I'm stopping short a foot away from them.

00:10:47Marc:And they did not flinch.

00:10:49Marc:Literally, I almost killed them.

00:10:52Marc:And they just gave me the stink eye, the gas face, whatever you want.

00:10:55Marc:It looked like they were going to kick my car's ass.

00:10:59Marc:And I thought about myself in that same situation.

00:11:01Marc:I was driving away.

00:11:02Marc:And of course, I was thinking, fuck, that was bad.

00:11:05Marc:And I feel I shouldn't be texting.

00:11:07Marc:And I've talked about that before.

00:11:09Marc:Now they those guys, what if they're bad guys and they they see my car now they know where I lived and they're going to go do something to my car.

00:11:15Marc:They're going to make me pay for my my my stupid act, my carelessness.

00:11:21Marc:You know, because they look like that kind of guy.

00:11:22Marc:Then I realized I was being racist.

00:11:24Marc:And what's the hell the big deal?

00:11:25Marc:Accidents happen, but I didn't hit him.

00:11:26Marc:And, you know, maybe I should deal with some of that fear and whatever.

00:11:29Marc:I spiraled and I pulled it together and everything's fine.

00:11:34Marc:But I realized if that had happened to me, I would be like, holy fuck, what?

00:11:39Marc:I would freak out.

00:11:41Marc:I would I would have that moment of fear.

00:11:43Marc:Then I started thinking about that moment, you know, when you get caught off guard.

00:11:46Marc:I think that's really who you see who you are, you know, as a man in those moments where you're caught off guard or shocked or somebody walks in and you don't see them or you turn around.

00:11:55Marc:There's somebody there.

00:11:56Marc:You almost get hit.

00:11:57Marc:You know, it's what happens.

00:11:58Marc:What comes out of your heart and soul at that moment?

00:12:01Marc:Like if you go.

00:12:03Marc:Like that?

00:12:03Marc:I don't know if you're one of those guys where you get scared and all of a sudden you hear yourself do some girly, horrible, feminine scream and it's in front of a girl, that's even worse.

00:12:15Marc:But that's who you are.

00:12:16Marc:Say hello to that guy.

00:12:18Marc:Whoever comes out in that moment of fear, that's really the core of what you are.

00:12:22Marc:And I know that those guys are harder at the core than me because I would have shit my pants and maybe cried and had to sit down at the curb.

00:12:33Marc:Glad you all enjoyed the John Oliver New York stand-up show that I was on.

00:12:37Marc:It wasn't me, though.

00:12:38Marc:It was a gentleman named Mark Maron, spelled with a K, M-A-R-K-M-A-R-O-N.

00:12:43Marc:That fucked me up for a few hours.

00:12:46Marc:I couldn't believe that.

00:12:48Marc:My name was misspelled on the television, on the show, on the Comedy Central.

00:12:53Marc:I mean, I came in seventh in the stand-up showdown.

00:12:55Marc:Thank you for your support.

00:12:57Marc:And now they can't get my name right on that.

00:12:58Marc:So that's one of those things where I had to learn how to deal with shit like that.

00:13:03Marc:There was nothing I could do about it at that moment.

00:13:06Marc:It made me look like an asshole.

00:13:07Marc:It made them look even worse, the producers of the show.

00:13:11Marc:But there's part of me that just like I would have hung on to that in my mind for for days, just like, God damn it.

00:13:17Marc:They took away my identity.

00:13:19Marc:Who the hell is M.A.R.K.?

00:13:20Marc:Not that I haven't dealt with that all my life, but I would have festered about it.

00:13:23Marc:But now by some gift of grace or humility, I don't fucking know.

00:13:28Marc:Maybe it's just because I don't have the energy to do it anymore.

00:13:31Marc:I will not freak out for very long if I have no control over that situation.

00:13:35Marc:Because then I'm just doing it to entertain myself and make myself feel like shit and beat the shit out of myself.

00:13:40Marc:And that's how I use my imagination.

00:13:43Marc:No more.

00:13:44Marc:No more of that.

00:13:46Marc:That makes me feel better.

00:13:48Marc:Super Bowl's a Sunday.

00:13:50Marc:I don't give a fuck.

00:13:51Marc:I don't know why.

00:13:52Marc:I just don't.

00:13:53Marc:Wasn't wired that way.

00:13:54Marc:Sorry.

00:13:55Marc:I hope your team wins.

00:13:56Marc:Oh, a little follow-up on the comic book show from last week.

00:14:00Marc:Or from on, yeah, last week.

00:14:02Marc:I'm reading this Kafka book.

00:14:04Marc:It's a biography of Kafka, illustrated by Robert Crumb, written by David Zane.

00:14:09Marc:Marowitz that I got up at Fantagraphics and it is spectacular I wish Robert Crumb would illustrate everything I got the book of Genesis illustrated by Robert Crumb beautiful I didn't know a lot about Kafka I think I read him once when I was in college but man I want to read it some more it's a beautiful book I'm enjoying that I'm feeling like I'm going to start getting into art again

00:14:30Marc:There was a time where I really had a lot of... I was into photography, painting, poetry, film.

00:14:37Marc:It used to be my life doing theater.

00:14:40Marc:It's all coming back.

00:14:42Marc:I'm going to do it just so I can talk about it with you guys.

00:14:45Marc:How many Best Picture nominations are there going to be?

00:14:48Marc:10 Best Picture nominations?

00:14:50Marc:Who gives a shit about this thing anymore?

00:14:52Marc:It was already a fix, but now there's 10?

00:14:55Marc:Why don't they just start adding movies that lose?

00:14:58Marc:Why don't they just start adding films that didn't make the cut last year, that didn't win anything?

00:15:03Marc:Just add them on.

00:15:04Marc:Why don't we make it 30 or 40?

00:15:05Marc:Go back 10 years and just throw movies in.

00:15:08Marc:Jesus Christ.

00:15:09Marc:10?

00:15:11Marc:What did I see?

00:15:12Marc:I saw Avatar because I had to because you made me.

00:15:15Marc:The Blind Side I did not see.

00:15:16Marc:I'd like to see because I like to cry in movies.

00:15:18Marc:District 9 I didn't see.

00:15:20Marc:I wasn't interested.

00:15:21Marc:An Education I have in there in the house that I could watch.

00:15:25Marc:The Hurt Locker I loved.

00:15:26Marc:Inglourious Bastards was okay.

00:15:28Marc:Some good moments.

00:15:29Marc:Precious I liked a lot.

00:15:31Marc:A Serious Man loved it.

00:15:32Marc:Up did not see Up.

00:15:34Marc:Up in the Air saw it like four times.

00:15:36Marc:I liked it.

00:15:37Marc:I would like to see The Hurt Locker win to be quite honest with you.

00:15:41Marc:Serious Man though I liked a lot.

00:15:42Marc:Not for everybody.

00:15:43Marc:Best Director.

00:15:45Marc:Hmm.

00:15:46Marc:I don't know.

00:15:47Marc:I don't know what to do with that.

00:15:48Marc:You got Avatar.

00:15:48Marc:You got the Hurt Locker.

00:15:49Marc:You got Ingorius Bastards.

00:15:50Marc:Precious up in the air.

00:15:51Marc:Jason Reitman, Lee Daniels, Quentin Tarantino, Catherine Bigelow, James Cameron.

00:15:56Marc:In my mind, I just say fuck James Cameron because he's entirely too successful, groundbreaking, and also incredibly mediocre.

00:16:07Marc:Let's put a half a billion dollars into technology to placate the morons into thinking that everything's okay.

00:16:16Marc:How about send about $250 million to Haiti?

00:16:18Marc:How about that?

00:16:19Marc:There's a three-dimensional problem with real people in a real broken treehouse.

00:16:25Marc:Jeff Bridges, crazy heart, actor in a leading role.

00:16:28Marc:Give it to him.

00:16:29Marc:Enough already.

00:16:29Marc:The guy's a fucking American hero and an unsung American hero of acting.

00:16:34Marc:Great actor.

00:16:34Marc:Give him one.

00:16:35Marc:That's what I'm going with.

00:16:37Marc:So anyways, we've got a great show today.

00:16:39Marc:I believe we do.

00:16:40Marc:John Caparulo.

00:16:42Marc:John Caparulo is going to be in the garage here.

00:16:45Marc:I don't know John that well.

00:16:46Marc:We tend to work at the comedy store a lot together.

00:16:49Marc:I didn't know him until not too long ago, but he's definitely a thing.

00:16:53Marc:Caparulo's got his own thing.

00:16:55Marc:Yeah, that's Caparulo.

00:16:57Marc:That's my Caparulo impression.

00:16:59Marc:I do sound-based impressions.

00:17:01Marc:Yeah.

00:17:11Guest 3:Neil Brennan, we did that.

00:17:13Guest 3:Get closer on it.

00:17:14Guest 3:That's good.

00:17:15Guest 3:We did this... It's called South Point in Las Vegas.

00:17:21Guest 3:I was there, and after the show, this girl came up to me.

00:17:27Guest 3:She waited to the end of the line.

00:17:29Guest 3:you know, because I was taking pictures with everybody and stuff, and she comes up, and I mean, she's a pretty smoking hot chick.

00:17:36Guest 3:I mean, very... Somehow this body of hers is making her money.

00:17:42Guest 3:Like, I mean, this isn't by accident.

00:17:45Guest 3:Right, okay.

00:17:46Guest 3:But I look down, and she's got like, you know, like a tank top, and I look, and there's a tattoo on her boob, and I'm like...

00:17:57Guest 3:i i was like oh what's what's that and she's like oh that's a mistake i don't want to you know and i'm like uh and i just i couldn't you know i was like that just completely ended it for me because i'm just like here's another dude's name on your tit i mean like that's really like i mean i was telling neil like after because i mean i did let her go and then i'm regretting it later i'm like

00:18:18Guest 3:ah shit you know you could have been the next one i could have changed my name to malik you know i mean i could have i could have been raheem caporello come on or else you could have just been the next name crossed i mean really like we could have somehow like you know altered that to make it look like cap or something i don't know but it's just a temporary tattoo

00:18:39Marc:My guest in the garage right now here at the Cat Ranch is John Caparula, who many of you know from his many appearances on Chelsea lately.

00:18:48Marc:He also is a regular guest on... What's that show you used to do on the thing?

00:18:53Guest 3:Which one?

00:18:54Marc:The one that you're on, the country music station?

00:18:56Guest 3:Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:18:56Guest 3:I was the host of Mobile Home Disaster.

00:18:59Marc:Mobile home disaster on CMT.

00:19:01Guest 3:Wait, you don't watch it, Mark?

00:19:02Marc:Well, we're going to try and cross a cultural line here, John.

00:19:05Guest 3:Yes, we really are bridging.

00:19:07Guest 3:We're bridging gaps right now.

00:19:09Marc:I think we are, you know, because, I mean, we're just talking.

00:19:12Marc:You just drove up in your Mustang.

00:19:14Guest 3:Yes, yes.

00:19:14Guest 3:You heard me coming, really?

00:19:16Marc:Well, I was listening.

00:19:17Marc:I didn't want you to get lost.

00:19:18Ha, ha, ha.

00:19:18Marc:And I saw that car for the first time the other night.

00:19:20Marc:And I want people to know that this is, I think, honestly, the first time John and I have ever seen each other in the daylight.

00:19:25Marc:Yes.

00:19:26Marc:We're usually out in the cave down in Hollywood.

00:19:28Marc:I don't think we've ever had a long conversation.

00:19:31Marc:It's usually like before one of us goes on stage and we're like, oh, this is going to suck.

00:19:37Guest 3:Or, yeah, or there's a comic on and we're like, oh, this sucks.

00:19:41Marc:It's going to be nuts.

00:19:42Marc:And usually with me, it's sort of like, you already went on.

00:19:44Marc:What are you worried about?

00:19:45Marc:And you're like, all right, I'll see you later.

00:19:46Guest 3:Yeah, I'm out of here.

00:19:47Marc:Yeah, bye.

00:19:48Marc:But we were just talking about cars.

00:19:50Marc:What was the British thing that you were talking about?

00:19:53Guest 3:The British thing?

00:19:54Marc:The website about cars, about people who love their cars?

00:19:58Guest 3:Oh, yeah.

00:19:59Guest 3:I don't typically watch BBC, and I know it's a surprise to you.

00:20:02Marc:Well, I know.

00:20:03Marc:I mean, if I listen to your act, you don't fucking do much of anything.

00:20:06Guest 3:Yeah, I really don't.

00:20:08Guest 3:But...

00:20:09Guest 3:But yeah, my, uh, my parents, like when they stumbled on it and they were like, yeah, you got to watch this documentary called my car is my lover.

00:20:17Guest 3:And it was, I mean, they didn't tell me anything about it.

00:20:21Guest 3:I'm like, Oh, it's probably something, you know, cause you know, I was kind of raised, my dad has a bunch of old cars and I'm just, I'm just, yeah, I'm kind of a car.

00:20:29Marc:Yeah.

00:20:29Guest 3:And, uh,

00:20:30Guest 3:So I turned this on, and I mean, it really... It made me feel bad about liking cars, because I didn't want to be associated with these guys.

00:20:39Guest 3:But I mean, they had a young guy and an older guy, and they're called mechaphiles.

00:20:44Guest 3:They fuck their car.

00:20:46Marc:They fuck their car.

00:20:47Guest 3:They fuck the... I mean, sometimes the tailpipe...

00:20:51Guest 3:Sometimes, you know, just grinding on... Like, because both of them have VW Beetles.

00:20:55Guest 3:Very curvy car.

00:20:56Marc:Yeah, very hot.

00:20:58Marc:Hot.

00:20:58Guest 3:A lot of crevices on their car.

00:21:00Guest 3:Some of them have a tattoo on their tits, the VWs.

00:21:03Guest 3:Some of us don't really, you know... Like, the Herbie the Love Bug movies are like porno to these guys.

00:21:08Guest 3:Oh, no!

00:21:09Guest 3:I mean, like, they even showed them... Like, they went to, like, a car show.

00:21:15Guest 3:Like, other people's cars.

00:21:16Guest 3:And, I mean, this old guy is just...

00:21:19Guest 3:I mean, just kind of having little liaisons with other people's cars.

00:21:23Marc:Like giving a googly eyes and talking.

00:21:25Guest 3:I mean, no, like rubbing up against it.

00:21:28Marc:Oh, come on.

00:21:28Guest 3:Like, you know, like he's walking around with a boner.

00:21:31Guest 3:Like, and it's like, I mean, he was he was like the because the kid that they had because they had never met each other.

00:21:37Guest 3:But the kid got mad at him because like late at night when they were staying at the because they had him do like a road trip.

00:21:43Guest 1:Yeah.

00:21:43Guest 3:the guy, the guy fucked the kid's car.

00:21:47Guest 3:Oh my God.

00:21:48Guest 3:And I like, I don't know.

00:21:49Guest 3:I don't know how I feel.

00:21:51Guest 3:Like, you know, as much as I love my car, it's kind of like you, you really, you came on my car.

00:21:56Guest 3:I don't know if I can wash that off.

00:21:58Guest 3:Like, I don't know.

00:21:59Guest 3:Cause it's still there.

00:22:00Marc:Even knowing that it's just a car that, you know, you can just wash it off, you feel like it's been abused.

00:22:06Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:22:07Marc:Your car's been victimized.

00:22:08Guest 3:Yeah, right.

00:22:09Guest 3:Like, you know, like if somebody ejaculated on like a shirt of mine, you know, I'm not just going to wash the shirt and put it on again.

00:22:16Marc:No, you can throw it away, right?

00:22:17Guest 3:It's the same thing with the car.

00:22:19Marc:No, but that's a big nut to eat there if you throw a car away because some guy came on it.

00:22:24Guest 3:Yeah.

00:22:25Yeah.

00:22:25Guest 3:that's it you're yelling at the car you know it depends on your priorities i guess so i mean i guess so so that car you got is fucking nice so you come from cars yeah yeah you know how to fix them and stuff um you know i'm i'm decent i was you know i was the guy like basically you know and i talk about it in my act but i i literally was just i hold a flashlight and get yelled at and i kind of pick up things but

00:22:49Guest 3:My dad was basically like, no, you're not breaking my fucking socket set.

00:22:53Guest 3:And so I would just sit there like, you know, I mean, he would have me working on cars all the, you know, with them all the time.

00:23:00Guest 3:And, you know, cause, and, and it's just kind of something that, you know, I like, I like the amenities of a new car.

00:23:07Guest 3:Like I like the frost and shit, you know, but, uh,

00:23:10Guest 3:But I love a car that sounds like it's mad.

00:23:16Guest 3:Yeah, that thing's a monster.

00:23:18Guest 3:Yeah, yeah.

00:23:20Guest 3:It's an anniversary edition of the movie Bullet, the Steve McQueen movie.

00:23:25Guest 3:And they actually digitally mastered the exhaust to sound like the movie.

00:23:29Marc:Are you serious?

00:23:30Guest 3:Yeah.

00:23:30Guest 3:I mean, it was so easy to sell me this car.

00:23:33Marc:Now you got to go up to San Francisco and start flying over those.

00:23:36Guest 3:I mean, like really like it was it was just I couldn't resist.

00:23:39Guest 3:I had a Trans Am before that.

00:23:41Guest 3:Somebody ran into me and it just was it was kind of like he might as well have fucked my car.

00:23:47Guest 3:Like it was like, you know, it's I mean, I had to eventually it just wasn't the same because I'm a very big Smokey and the Bandit fan and I would love to have a 77 Trans Am.

00:23:56Guest 3:But yeah, I. Are you being serious?

00:23:59Guest 3:Oh, yeah.

00:24:00Marc:I'm dead serious.

00:24:01Guest 3:Yeah, right now.

00:24:02Guest 3:There's no jokes here.

00:24:03Marc:All right, good.

00:24:05Marc:Smoking the van.

00:24:05Marc:Well, that movie changed everything for everybody.

00:24:07Marc:That car was everywhere for a while.

00:24:09Guest 3:Yeah, yeah.

00:24:10Marc:With the firebird on the hood.

00:24:12Guest 3:Yeah, with the bird on the hood.

00:24:13Marc:Is that where that was introduced?

00:24:15Guest 3:No, they had that for a few years before that car.

00:24:18Guest 3:But that car was actually... It's funny because that car is representative of...

00:24:26Guest 3:like how like the American auto industry really wasn't ready to, to, you know, adapt to the environmentalist shit and everything.

00:24:33Guest 3:Cause like that car had a, had a huge, it was a 455 V8 and only had 200 horsepower.

00:24:39Marc:I used to have a buddy in high school named Dave Bishop.

00:24:41Marc:Who's a, who's, who's dead, but he used to have like, I'm not really a car guy.

00:24:46Marc:My first car was a Datsun V210 and I was happy about that.

00:24:48Guest 2:Right.

00:24:49Marc:It was a shit brown Datsun.

00:24:50Marc:It was fine.

00:24:52Marc:I'm still the same way.

00:24:52Marc:I got a great Camry out there.

00:24:54Marc:No frills.

00:24:55Marc:It drives.

00:24:55Marc:I like it to drive nice.

00:24:56Marc:Sometimes I wish I could be that way.

00:24:58Marc:Yeah.

00:24:59Marc:But when I get into a car like yours, I'm like, holy shit.

00:25:01Marc:Yeah.

00:25:01Marc:This is the best thing ever.

00:25:03Marc:Yeah.

00:25:03Marc:But am I going to be, do you see me in that car?

00:25:07Guest 3:You know what?

00:25:08Guest 3:I don't see you pulling it off.

00:25:09Marc:No, exactly.

00:25:11Marc:I'm barely pulling off this mustache.

00:25:12Guest 3:I see you taking the cats to the vet and shit.

00:25:14Marc:Oh, come on.

00:25:16Marc:Cats are already freaked out.

00:25:18Marc:But my buddy Dave had a 72 Firebird gold with a Holley double pumper.

00:25:25Marc:Does that mean anything to you?

00:25:27Guest 3:Yes, it does.

00:25:29Guest 3:Well, he probably had two two-barrels on it.

00:25:31Guest 3:Yeah, something like that.

00:25:32Marc:Sure, yeah, that's what it was.

00:25:35Marc:And he used to get that thing.

00:25:37Marc:His father owned a stereo place, so it had these huge speakers in the back.

00:25:41Marc:Always had the best shit.

00:25:42Marc:And we'd drive from Albuquerque to Santa Fe.

00:25:44Marc:We'd go about 150, 160 miles an hour in that thing.

00:25:46Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:25:47Marc:He always got tickets.

00:25:48Marc:They knew who he was.

00:25:50Marc:Were you that guy in high school?

00:25:51Guest 3:You know, no, in high school I drove shitboxes.

00:25:54Guest 3:Because my dad is one of those guys, like, he likes, he, my dad's just, he, he kind of just is mad that the world stopped evolving in like 68.

00:26:04Guest 3:And he's just, he's dead.

00:26:07Marc:It's mad that he kept evolving or stopped?

00:26:08Guest 3:It kept evolving.

00:26:09Marc:Right, right.

00:26:10Guest 3:Yeah, he's mad.

00:26:11Guest 3:And it's like, so the old cars are kind of his way of getting back at the man.

00:26:16Guest 3:But he doesn't, he's not like one of those old car guys, like, you know, they'll buy like, you know, like a 58 Chevy or something like that.

00:26:23Guest 1:Yeah.

00:26:23Guest 3:And they'll fix it up and, you know, they'll rub it down with a diaper and you're not allowed to touch their car, you know, anywhere they take it.

00:26:30Guest 3:Or come on it.

00:26:31Marc:Or come on it.

00:26:32Guest 3:I mean, that's where I'm surprised.

00:26:33Guest 3:The guy never got beat up.

00:26:35Guest 3:But...

00:26:35Guest 3:But my dad, he's more into quantity than quality.

00:26:40Guest 3:So he'll find, like, an old Studebaker sitting in a cornfield somewhere and go knock on the door, you know, of the lady's house or something.

00:26:49Guest 3:He's like, you want to sell that?

00:26:50Guest 3:They're like, uh, there's raccoons living in it.

00:26:53Guest 3:But, you know, so, you know, my first car, I mean, I had a 66 Impala, but I mostly drove this old shitty 78 Scout, like, that was... A Jeep.

00:27:05Guest 3:Yeah, it was like the original SUV.

00:27:07Guest 3:Right.

00:27:08Guest 3:But, I mean, this thing, like, they always, the car guys joke that the scout should have come from the factory with a patch kit.

00:27:16Guest 3:Because they basically, they made the engine, like, diehard.

00:27:19Guest 3:Like, you could not kill this engine.

00:27:21Guest 3:This engine would survive nuclear fucking holocaust.

00:27:23Guest 3:Yeah.

00:27:23Guest 3:But the body just has fucking leprosy.

00:27:28Guest 3:I mean, it was literally held together with chicken wire and old license plates.

00:27:34Guest 3:Those were my floorboards.

00:27:35Guest 3:And my dad would send me out in this thing like, you're safe, don't worry.

00:27:39Guest 3:Just don't turn left.

00:27:41Marc:That's hilarious.

00:27:42Marc:A 66 Impala, that was like a huge car.

00:27:44Guest 3:Yeah.

00:27:45Marc:So you grew up in Ohio.

00:27:46Guest 3:Yes, I did.

00:27:47Marc:Your whole life?

00:27:48Guest 3:Yeah, yeah.

00:27:49Guest 3:My entire life.

00:27:50Marc:It feels like you have an accent to me.

00:27:52Guest 3:You know what?

00:27:53Guest 3:People in Ohio were like, where'd you get that accent?

00:27:55Guest 3:You know, I don't know.

00:27:57Guest 3:You've always had it?

00:27:58Guest 3:I guess so, yeah.

00:27:59Marc:Are your parents from Ohio?

00:28:00Guest 3:Yeah, yeah.

00:28:01Marc:That's odd, isn't it?

00:28:02Guest 3:Yeah, you know, where I'm from is actually right on the border of Pennsylvania and West Virginia.

00:28:10Marc:So maybe the little West Virginia crawled up?

00:28:12Marc:Yeah.

00:28:12Guest 3:A little bit, but the thing is, most people have a Pittsburgh accent.

00:28:17Guest 3:The Yinzer accent.

00:28:18Guest 3:I don't know what that is.

00:28:19Guest 3:You've never had the Pittsburgh accent?

00:28:22Guest 3:Maybe I have.

00:28:25Guest 3:They elongate their A's.

00:28:27Guest 3:That accent, it's pretty disgusting.

00:28:31Marc:When you went to high school, I'm trying to figure out, because a lot of people, we do comedy, and I saw you...

00:28:38Marc:I can't remember the first time I saw you.

00:28:40Marc:It must have been when I first got back to L.A.

00:28:42Marc:Did you have a deal with the network?

00:28:44Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:28:46Marc:Was your writing partner Bill Masters?

00:28:48Marc:No.

00:28:49Marc:I wonder who he was.

00:28:50Marc:But you had a deal with the network, and I saw you at the store.

00:28:53Marc:and automatically in my brain, and this is going away, all of a sudden there's all these different camps of comedy.

00:28:59Marc:There's alternative people, there's the angry guys, then there's the blue-collar guys, and you were sort of touted as this next generation of the blue-collar guy.

00:29:09Marc:But then over time, I start watching, and I'm like, you know, I realize that if you can do an impression of a guy within five minutes of watching him, like if you have a personality that is that tight, you're the real deal.

00:29:21Marc:I'm like, I'll find myself doing it.

00:29:24Marc:You get the arms going.

00:29:26Marc:But, you know, it was just funny that, because when I started thinking about having you on and started thinking about hanging out with you, I mean, we look like we come from opposite sides of the track here.

00:29:35Guest 3:Yes, yes, absolutely.

00:29:36Guest 3:But, yeah, but we seem to relate, though.

00:29:38Marc:I know.

00:29:39Marc:Well, that's because we're comics and we're both fucked up people that are, you know, chronically kind of like, you know,

00:29:44Marc:in our head and thinking about shit.

00:29:47Guest 3:Yeah, exactly.

00:29:48Guest 3:I mean, I'm, I'm as, I'm as neurotic as anybody from New York.

00:29:51Guest 3:Yeah.

00:29:52Marc:That was the great thing I realized.

00:29:53Marc:Yeah.

00:29:53Marc:It took me a long time cause I was already to pigeonhole you.

00:29:56Marc:Right.

00:29:57Guest 3:And that's the thing for me is like, that's, that's, I think,

00:30:00Guest 3:I think the coolest thing for me is just the fact that I really don't just... I can kind of go across whatever demographic.

00:30:11Marc:Were you like that in high school?

00:30:12Marc:That's what I wanted to get at.

00:30:13Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:30:13Marc:Because I was the guy that you could hang out with the jocks.

00:30:16Marc:You could hang out with the freaks.

00:30:17Marc:You were just the guy.

00:30:18Guest 3:Right, I had to budget my time.

00:30:19Guest 3:Because I knew they couldn't mix together.

00:30:21Guest 3:Because I'm like, they're not going to get along.

00:30:24Guest 3:But I could do it.

00:30:25Guest 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:26Guest 3:I could just, you know, so I had to, I had to kind of budget my time out to hang out with all my different groups.

00:30:32Guest 3:Right.

00:30:32Guest 3:Yeah, it was, you know, it just, it was, it was just, it was, it's fun.

00:30:37Guest 3:And I think it's just translated for me, you know, over time.

00:30:41Guest 3:Like, I mean, I'll have...

00:30:42Guest 3:you know, I remember when I first started, I was like, oh man, if I'd see old people in the crowd or something, I'm like, hey, I cuss so much.

00:30:51Guest 3:I'm going to be, this isn't going to go well.

00:30:52Guest 3:And I mean, you know, and then I'd be signing grandma's tit at the end of the show.

00:30:58Marc:Scratching out that other guy's name.

00:31:00Yeah.

00:31:00Guest 3:It's all done now, Grandma.

00:31:04Guest 3:But yeah, that's the thing for me.

00:31:07Guest 3:I didn't even realize, honestly, when I moved to LA and I was first doing comedy, I always...

00:31:15Guest 3:I didn't realize I was white trash till I got to LA.

00:31:19Guest 3:Like, you know, because people started, you know, kind of labeling me that and looking at me that way.

00:31:24Guest 3:And like, it was kind of weird because where I was from, like, you know, I was pretty respectable.

00:31:30Guest 3:Yeah.

00:31:30Guest 3:And like, you know, compared to them, I was kind of high society, you know.

00:31:34Marc:High society white trash.

00:31:35Guest 3:Well, yeah.

00:31:35Guest 3:And I was one of the white kids that like, you know, like one of the few white kids who had a lot of black friends and stuff like that.

00:31:41Guest 3:So it was like,

00:31:41Guest 3:It was kind of weird to me that people thought I was kind of a cracker when I got here.

00:31:46Marc:Well, I think that because we're in show business, depending on how you present yourself, they kind of want to package you and label you that.

00:31:51Guest 3:Right, right.

00:31:52Guest 3:And I think sometimes people... With me, a lot of times, it used to bother me that people thought I purposely invented the way I am.

00:32:01Guest 3:And it's like, no, I'm not that smart.

00:32:05Guest 3:That's what took me a long time to realize that you were really that guy.

00:32:08Guest 3:Yeah.

00:32:09Guest 3:I'm a guy who...

00:32:11Guest 3:you know I think people can just relate to the fact that like I just I get yeah I get that upset that there's a bunch of fucking orange popsicles in the box like why why when I like the grape and the cherry why does it why does the whole box seem like it's fucking stuffed with orange and I'm like and it's like there's part of me that's that upset about it and but the fact is like when I'm on stage like I think it's as funny as everybody else does watching it the fact that

00:32:39Guest 3:A whole bunch of strangers are listening to me complain about this stupid shit.

00:32:44Guest 3:Like, I mean, because there is a part of me that is that passionately upset.

00:32:48Guest 3:Oh, yeah.

00:32:51Guest 3:But then I also think it's funny.

00:32:53Guest 3:Like, you know, I'm that mad about it.

00:32:55Marc:Yeah.

00:32:56Marc:It's good that you're mad about it and not just being like, you know, trying to explain it like Jerry Seinfeld or something.

00:33:01Marc:There's a difference between being an observational comic and genuinely being fucked up enough to be that pissed off.

00:33:07Marc:Right.

00:33:08Yeah.

00:33:08Marc:I respect the latter all the more.

00:33:11Marc:But with this diplomatic thing, because I think a lot of comics are like that, and either they fight or they're not.

00:33:15Marc:Did you grow up in a lot of tension?

00:33:17Marc:Did you find yourself having to relieve the situation all the time?

00:33:21Guest 3:You know, no.

00:33:23Guest 3:You know what?

00:33:23Guest 3:It was kind of like...

00:33:27Guest 3:I guess, for me, our family was... We were kind of like the Simpsons.

00:33:34Guest 3:Maybe that's why it's my favorite show.

00:33:38Guest 3:It was just funny because we would go to my mom's... My grandparents' house.

00:33:44Guest 3:My mom had a sister and a brother.

00:33:47Guest 3:And her brother was like...

00:33:49Guest 3:Like him and his wife were both psychologists and they were like rich people who like, you know, like really, they were very, like their daughter went to fucking school in like Scandinavia and shit like year round.

00:34:02Marc:So when you went over there, it was like going to Europe.

00:34:04Guest 3:Yeah.

00:34:04Guest 3:And it was like, I mean, like, literally, like, we felt like we were the help, like, when we got there.

00:34:10Guest 3:And it was just kind of like, you know, so I think, like, the car ride home was always so funny, because, you know, like, we laugh at farts and shit like that.

00:34:18Guest 3:Like, you know, we just, you know, so it was like, it was always a tension breaker.

00:34:22Guest 3:And I just think that, you know, for me, like, I mean, because I, you know, all my neuroses and all that stuff is, you know, I mean, there's a place where that all started.

00:34:33Guest 3:And I mean,

00:34:34Guest 3:I would tell people when they asked me, like, my first experience knowing I wanted to be a comedian was I was in the sixth grade, and I was at basketball practice, and I shit myself.

00:34:48Guest 3:And it was just a horrific experience, the whole thing.

00:34:52Guest 3:Like, as I'm 11, everybody knows.

00:34:54Guest 3:I mean, it was, like, one of those things where, like, I asked the coach to go to the bathroom.

00:34:57Guest 3:Like, you shit yourself on the court?

00:34:58Guest 3:Nah, I asked the coach to go to the bathroom and I ran past where the bathroom was and all the other players saw me and go, Hey, Cap, you're going the wrong way.

00:35:07Guest 3:And that basically scared the shit out of me.

00:35:10Guest 3:And they all ran in the bathroom because they're like, Oh, hey, must be bathroom time.

00:35:16Guest 3:And I'm like waiting now to get on the toilet until one of them finally goes, Did somebody shit themselves?

00:35:23Guest 3:And I'm like, Yes, can you get out now?

00:35:26Guest 3:So it was...

00:35:28Guest 3:It was just a whole horrific night where, like, the coach gave me a quarter to call home.

00:35:34Guest 3:And, of course, my older sister answers the phone.

00:35:37Guest 3:I mean, not one of my parents had to be my sister.

00:35:39Guest 3:And I'm like, I'm crying.

00:35:41Guest 3:And I'm like, will you get mom?

00:35:43Guest 3:And she's like, why?

00:35:44Guest 3:And I'm like, will you just get fucking mom?

00:35:48Guest 3:And she's like, why?

00:35:50Guest 3:I'm like...

00:35:51Guest 3:I'd poop my pants.

00:35:53Guest 3:And she's like, ah, Johnny pooped his pants.

00:35:56Guest 3:And I'm like, you bitch, I hate you.

00:35:58Guest 3:So it was just, but it was one of those things where it was like, I mean, I didn't go to school like the next couple of days.

00:36:04Guest 3:I mean, it was like, you know, I mean, it was like, yeah, it was embarrassing.

00:36:08Guest 3:It really was.

00:36:09Guest 3:And it was one of those things where I was like, man, I just hope everybody forgets about this shit and it doesn't follow me to like eighth grade.

00:36:17Guest 3:To college or high school.

00:36:19Guest 3:Yeah, you know what I mean?

00:36:21Guest 3:But what it ended up being was like within a couple of years, it was like, you know, hey, Cap, tell a story about when you pooped your pants.

00:36:29Guest 3:Right.

00:36:30Guest 3:And basically it was like I turned the negative into the positive where it was like,

00:36:35Guest 3:I loved the experience of taking this, this really, it was a painful experience and it really could have been crushing.

00:36:42Guest 3:And it became like so fun and so cathartic to take this.

00:36:47Guest 3:Yeah.

00:36:48Guest 3:And, and make people laugh about it.

00:36:50Guest 3:And it was like,

00:36:51Guest 3:I was like, I just, you know, I was just like, it really was that moment.

00:36:56Guest 3:I was like, I just, I really, I just want to do this forever.

00:36:59Marc:It couldn't happen to the week after or even a month after.

00:37:02Guest 3:No, no, it took me a while.

00:37:04Guest 3:Like it wasn't, yeah, it was, it was a good couple of years, you know?

00:37:08Marc:And those years in between though, were they rough?

00:37:10Guest 3:Uh, you know what?

00:37:11Guest 3:Nobody, they, it would occasionally come up.

00:37:14Guest 3:Cause I mean, I guess like enough of the guys on the team were friends of mine and liked me enough.

00:37:20Guest 3:Like not to come up in the group.

00:37:22Guest 3:Yeah.

00:37:22Guest 3:It wouldn't get every now and then it was like, you remember you shit yourself last year.

00:37:26Guest 3:Yeah.

00:37:27Guest 3:Shut up.

00:37:27Marc:And you were enough of a, of a well-liked guy that they kept it within the brotherhood.

00:37:32Guest 3:Basically, yeah.

00:37:33Guest 3:That's fucking sweet.

00:37:34Guest 3:Because if you were the fucking dork, it would have been over.

00:37:38Guest 3:You would have been an alternative comic.

00:37:44Guest 3:You are right, sir.

00:37:45Marc:Yes.

00:37:46Marc:It would have taken you a whole different place.

00:37:49Marc:Oh, that's amazing.

00:37:50Marc:I don't know if I can remember what drove me to do it, to be a comic.

00:37:54Marc:I don't know if it was an event or an incident.

00:37:56Marc:Who the hell?

00:37:57Marc:I wish I knew.

00:37:58Marc:How old were you when you started?

00:38:00Marc:I did open mics in my second year of college with another guy who was in a team.

00:38:07Marc:I guess the first time I did solo, I was like 20, 21.

00:38:11Marc:How about you?

00:38:13Guest 3:The first time, I was 19.

00:38:15Guest 3:I went out...

00:38:18Guest 3:And it was right after my sister's wedding.

00:38:21Guest 3:And, like, my mom's telling everybody at the reception, Johnny's gonna be famous.

00:38:24Guest 3:And it's like... And it was like... I remember I went and it was just... I don't even remember what I talked about.

00:38:32Guest 3:I just remember I was scared to death.

00:38:33Guest 3:I couldn't... You know, my sister went with me.

00:38:35Guest 3:And she's like, no, you were funny.

00:38:37Guest 3:Shut up.

00:38:38Guest 3:And it was like...

00:38:39Guest 3:I just was like so kind of disappointed that I wasn't as good as everybody thought I would be when I, you know, the first time I went out there.

00:38:48Guest 3:Yeah.

00:38:48Guest 3:And I was like, eh, maybe I'll try college, you know, for a while.

00:38:52Guest 3:And going to college, you know, for a couple of years, I realized I was just kidding myself.

00:38:58Guest 3:Like it was all I wanted to do.

00:39:00Guest 3:So when I was 21, I went back and made sure I didn't tell anybody.

00:39:04Marc:Right.

00:39:05Marc:I still do that.

00:39:06Marc:Like if I'm doing spots at the store, I don't tell anyone to.

00:39:08Guest 3:Yeah.

00:39:09Guest 3:See, I, I've only recently been able to like, but still, even when, if there's anybody I know in the crowd, it's like, it's, it feels like they're from fucking CBS or something.

00:39:19Marc:What is that though?

00:39:19Marc:Cause I get that too.

00:39:20Marc:It just happened the other night and I felt kind of bad about it, but there's like these, like, I just, I look at like doing a set at the store.

00:39:26Marc:It's one thing if you're doing an hour or you're on a big show.

00:39:28Marc:Right.

00:39:28Marc:but the comedy store is like a gym.

00:39:31Marc:I'm gonna go there, I'm gonna try to get some new jokes out, and usually if I'm not getting new jokes out, I get angry, and I fucking feel like an idiot.

00:39:40Marc:And I go through weeks like that where it's like, I got new ideas, what am I afraid of?

00:39:44Marc:Why am I not doing it here?

00:39:45Marc:Oh, I know why, it's the fucking comedy store.

00:39:48Marc:And if they see any sort of fear in your eye at all, they will abandon you completely.

00:39:52Guest 3:Oh, they were just, yeah.

00:39:53Marc:So what happened was, so I tell this woman, I'm like, I really don't want people to come.

00:39:56Marc:They're like, but we want to come support you.

00:39:57Marc:I'm like, look, I've been doing this a long time.

00:40:00Marc:I need your support.

00:40:01Marc:I just need to work out new jokes.

00:40:02Marc:And they were hurt.

00:40:03Marc:But then when I have somebody in there, it's almost just part of my brain that instead of walking up to them after the show and going, huh?

00:40:10Marc:I want to be able to go, I don't know.

00:40:12Marc:I'm like...

00:40:13Guest 3:You know, you're almost looking for that fucking re-approval thing.

00:40:16Guest 3:Well, for me, it's like, you know, if things, like, for whatever reason, take a bad turn and aren't going well, I don't want to feel like there's anybody out there feeling sorry for me, you know?

00:40:29Guest 3:Like, who's going through it with me?

00:40:31Guest 3:That's the worst.

00:40:31Guest 3:You know, like, oh, no, you know?

00:40:33Marc:Yeah, you almost rather, they just think you suck.

00:40:36Guest 3:Right, and that too, where I got to, you know, because they're automatically going to come up to me afterwards and go, oh, you were great.

00:40:42Guest 3:And I'm like, no, no, no.

00:40:44Guest 3:You should have been here last night, all right?

00:40:46Guest 3:Last night was great, all right?

00:40:48Guest 3:Tonight was a pile of shit.

00:40:51Guest 3:And it's your fault, actually, because I was thinking that you were there when I started to bomb.

00:40:56Marc:Yeah, it's... But you'll chase down an audience, though, man, because I watched you the other night.

00:41:00Marc:And usually, like, I'll go up there and I'll give them what I have.

00:41:03Marc:And I'm a guy...

00:41:05Marc:that if they're not going along with me, I'm going to act even more relaxed and slow down even more to make it at least peculiar and interesting.

00:41:15Marc:But you just fucking chase them down.

00:41:16Guest 3:Yeah, I'll speed up.

00:41:19Marc:I go the other way.

00:41:20Guest 3:I'm looking for the Tyson knockout.

00:41:23Marc:Yeah, exactly.

00:41:24Marc:I've got to structure my jokes better.

00:41:27Guest 3:But see, I feel like... I wish I could be...

00:41:32Guest 3:more your way though where it's like i wish i would slow down more and go you know what it's not that big a deal you know what because i yeah i'm just i'm gonna i'm gonna sit in this and i'm just gonna own the moment and see what i can mine out of this instead of going oh fuck you know what i don't want him leaving here going yeah i was kind of disappointed with that guy yeah i don't want i can't have that it's like that works it's completely against your personality

00:41:58Marc:Even you talking about doing it made you uncomfortable.

00:42:01Marc:Yeah, really.

00:42:02Marc:You're like, I'm just going to slow down.

00:42:06Guest 3:Yeah, I can't.

00:42:08Guest 3:I'm like, no, I'm not.

00:42:10Guest 3:Because it's like I'm going to have to sit with that for at least 24 hours, if not until next week.

00:42:16Marc:I think that's another reason why I realized that we were more similar than not.

00:42:20Marc:Because I still fucking... I did the main room the other night at the Comedy Store.

00:42:26Marc:And it's still bothering you.

00:42:27Marc:A little.

00:42:28Marc:I just haven't figured out how to do that room consistently.

00:42:33Marc:I figured out the original room.

00:42:35Marc:Once you get past the fact you can't see the crowd, it's kind of fun.

00:42:38Marc:It's a great place to do comedy.

00:42:40Marc:It is, yeah.

00:42:41Marc:But the main room, you can fucking see everybody.

00:42:43Marc:And you just watch somebody on stage basically do a circus of some sort.

00:42:49Marc:It requires so much energy, so much fucking over-the-topness.

00:42:53Marc:yeah if you go up there and you're just thoughtful yeah i mean it's just like the the possibilities of sitting up there to nothing and that and that's when i'm i'm like i i feel like my brain going like yours would like i feel a joke and i know midway through just by the because you do this long enough you know yeah of course that this thing it's not gonna land no like i want it to and and it's gonna require some explaining

00:43:15Marc:And I don't even, like, I'm in the middle of jokes sometimes.

00:43:18Marc:I'm like, I don't even want to finish this one.

00:43:20Marc:Right.

00:43:20Marc:You know, I don't even know.

00:43:21Marc:But you got to finish it.

00:43:23Guest 3:Yeah.

00:43:23Marc:And then I just sit in it.

00:43:24Guest 3:Well, and you start realizing, like, you know, when they're not running with you and that snowball's not getting bigger, you're like, I just realized how weak the rest of this is.

00:43:34Guest 1:You're like, ah, fuck, fuck.

00:43:36Guest 3:This is just, this is not as good as I thought it was.

00:43:40Marc:You're not getting on board with the setup.

00:43:42Guest 3:There's no way.

00:43:43Marc:How'd you get tied up with, like, you know, because I know you did.

00:43:48Marc:Were you affiliated with the blue collar guys?

00:43:51Guest 3:uh yeah well the thing was was um my my manager that i've been with uh since i was a doorman basically where were you a doorman comedy store me too yeah yeah oh that's great yeah do you still find that you find do you ever find yourself like going for the rope or standing at the i still you know tell people where the bathroom is you know without even thinking hey can we clear the fucking hall back here

00:44:14Marc:I mean, I do it too, and it's been 20 years.

00:44:17Marc:Yeah.

00:44:17Marc:I still feel like somehow connected to that.

00:44:19Guest 3:How many years did you work?

00:44:21Guest 3:I was only a doorman for like a year.

00:44:23Guest 3:Yeah.

00:44:24Guest 3:I was about two years, almost two years.

00:44:26Marc:I always talk to people about that.

00:44:27Marc:It's so hilarious that all the doorman and everyone who works there is a comic, so God forbid anything bad happens because no one's going to step up.

00:44:33Marc:They're like, I didn't sign on for this.

00:44:35Guest 3:Well, yeah, because it's like, when you realize that that is the security at the comedy... Because at least at the time when I was there, they had the dude Chewy that ran the parking lot.

00:44:45Guest 3:Oh, God forbid he had to run.

00:44:47Guest 3:Yeah, exactly.

00:44:47Guest 3:But it was like, at least we had this, you know, him and Harris who would just kill somebody if they acted up in the place.

00:44:55Guest 3:But it was like, I mean, for me, it was always like, man, you know, I'd sign the fallout list and go on late at night.

00:45:02Guest 3:But it was like, it was so...

00:45:04Guest 3:I was so tired and devastated from just, I mean, just being like, I had to climb the ladder in the rain to go hang, you know, to go hang somebody else's name.

00:45:14Guest 3:It was, I, the, the, the one for me was the best.

00:45:17Guest 3:I was, uh, cause I used to go on the belly room all the time.

00:45:20Guest 3:And, um,

00:45:22Guest 3:i was uh i was working real store guy oh i i mean i'm i'm born and bred there like i'm like that's what you know the thing is for me is like you know that i i think is cool that kind of paid off is like i mitzi looks at me as like one of her kids yeah you know what i mean like as in you know because she used to you know when she recognizes well yeah but the thing is she used to break my balls and stuff and just like you know when i was working the door and uh

00:45:47Guest 3:I, I remember when I was a Friday night and, uh, it was like, you know, within my first six months of working the door.

00:45:54Guest 3:And, uh, I, uh, I, the, the lady running the, uh, the show in the belly room upstairs, cause I was working the back door and I checked everybody's ID who went upstairs.

00:46:05Guest 3:But, uh, the, um, she's like, Hey, we have a sketch group on and they're, they're going to finish.

00:46:11Guest 3:And we have this big crowd up there and, you know, do you want to do like some time?

00:46:15Guest 3:And I'm like, yeah.

00:46:16Guest 3:So I, uh,

00:46:17Guest 3:I changed my shirt and everything because I could never go up as a doorman.

00:46:21Guest 2:Like, it just felt weird.

00:46:22Guest 3:And I go on.

00:46:24Guest 3:I had, like, a great set.

00:46:25Guest 3:It was, like, one of the first times I did, like, a 15, 20-minute set.

00:46:28Guest 3:And there's this really young crowd up there.

00:46:31Guest 3:And it was just an awesome... So, I mean, I come back downstairs floating.

00:46:36Guest 3:Like, man, I'm going to be a star by Monday.

00:46:39Guest 3:Watch.

00:46:40Guest 3:And...

00:46:41Guest 3:I remember I get downstairs and the manager who was managing is like, yeah, Cap, if you're done, the ladies room toilet is backed up and it's flooding into the hallway.

00:46:52Guest 3:So here's a mop.

00:46:54Guest 3:And I mean, the worst thing is, is the people who just watched me upstairs are now leaving.

00:47:00Guest 3:Girls are walking by like, you know, oh, you were so funny.

00:47:04Guest 3:I'm like, yeah, thanks.

00:47:05Guest 3:That's not my pee.

00:47:06Guest 3:that you're walking through right now.

00:47:08Guest 3:But, hey, and, I mean, it was just such a, you know, it was such a humiliating, humbling experience.

00:47:15Guest 3:And at the time, I did not appreciate it, but I realized, because for me, I think, because I'm, you know, I'm a naturally shy guy.

00:47:24Guest 3:Sure, we all are.

00:47:26Guest 3:And, yeah, and, I mean, the thing is, you know,

00:47:30Guest 3:I think that was the thing for me as a comic.

00:47:34Guest 3:That's what the comedy store really provided for me was it made me tougher.

00:47:41Guest 3:From the time I'd started, when I went back when I was 21, if there was a good crowd, I could be funny and I would do well.

00:47:49Guest 3:But it was the times when it wasn't that easy that I had to learn how to kind of fucking man up.

00:47:55Guest 3:Yeah.

00:47:56Guest 3:And and it was that experience that really just it tested my will, I guess, to see.

00:48:02Guest 3:It's like, do you really want to do this or do you want to go back home?

00:48:05Guest 3:And putting the mop in the water.

00:48:07Guest 3:Yeah.

00:48:07Guest 3:And it's like it's so I think that's why I'm such I just I have so much loyalty and I love that place.

00:48:13Marc:Yeah, I understand that.

00:48:15Marc:I found myself back there and I didn't even spend that much time there.

00:48:17Marc:But it was such a weird place.

00:48:19Marc:uh, powerful time that I was there.

00:48:21Marc:Yeah.

00:48:21Marc:That part of me feels so connected to that place.

00:48:24Marc:And I don't, I don't seek work at the improv or the, I don't either.

00:48:27Guest 3:Yeah.

00:48:28Guest 3:If they call me, you know, I'll come down, but you know, it's like, I, I remember like I first realized it when I went to Montreal in 2003.

00:48:36Guest 3:Yeah.

00:48:37Guest 3:And, um, I remember we're doing the new faces thing and, uh, and we got, uh,

00:48:42Guest 3:I was like 9th out of 11 people.

00:48:46Guest 3:So all the comics are coming back in.

00:48:48Guest 3:I remember going, oh man, this crowd is rough.

00:48:52Guest 3:And I'm like, you have no idea.

00:48:56Guest 3:I feel like I came from a bad neighborhood or something.

00:49:00Guest 3:I'm like, you don't know what rough is.

00:49:02Guest 3:Yeah, go get a mop.

00:49:03Guest 3:Rough is 145 after dice.

00:49:07Guest 3:That's fucking rough.

00:49:09Guest 3:And it's like...

00:49:10Guest 3:I remember going out and it was just, it just, I just felt like I had this extra like little gear that, you know, that I, you know, it's like, there's no full room in this world, you know, that, that I can't fucking take down.

00:49:26Guest 3:It's like, you know, it's when there's six drunks who are waiting for a cab.

00:49:30Guest 3:That's when comedy sucks.

00:49:32Guest 3:All right.

00:49:33Guest 3:And, and it's like, I dealt with that, you know, and it's like, you know, you just get to a point where it's like, nothing scares you.

00:49:39Marc:Oh yeah.

00:49:39Marc:And also not only is it where comedy sucks, but that's where you write jokes.

00:49:43Guest 3:Yeah.

00:49:43Guest 3:That's the times that I've been the most like, like I'm sitting in the back of the room, like debating over with like, maybe I should just tell him I'm not going on tonight.

00:49:52Guest 3:Like, you know, like those, those sets where I'm like, I really, this is going to suck.

00:49:57Guest 3:And I don't want to go on.

00:49:58Guest 3:Those are the ones that I end up,

00:50:00Guest 3:leaving going man it was good that i did that set you know because it really they're driving home saying like why the fuck yeah right it's like yeah yeah you know i just go home and it just defeated and yeah without even trying yeah i better stop and get some drive through that'll make me feel better well that's great man that's a great uh sort of encapsulation of the the store program

00:50:24Marc:Yeah, and it is.

00:50:26Marc:It still is, you know, and I hope it stays that way.

00:50:29Marc:So before I get away from it, so what locked you in with, because like I know Ron White, you know, and I love Ron White.

00:50:37Marc:And I think he's a great comic.

00:50:39Marc:And, you know, I don't even have really anything bad to say about Bill Ingvall, really.

00:50:44Marc:Like a lot of people in stand-up, you know, where they draw these lines and they're, Larry the Cable Guy this, Larry the Cable Guy that.

00:50:49Marc:You know, if you have Foxworthy this, just Foxworthy that.

00:50:52Marc:I mean, the truth of the matter is, you know, Larry's a clown.

00:50:54Marc:You know, I knew him when he was at the store and he was Dan Whitney.

00:50:57Marc:And, you know, he does what he does, but he knows what it is.

00:51:00Marc:And, you know, he's got a business set up.

00:51:02Guest 3:Yeah, I don't.

00:51:03Guest 3:Yeah.

00:51:04Guest 3:Well, for me, like how I got affiliated with Blue Collar was basically my manager.

00:51:10Guest 3:He worked at Brillstein Grey, and they never promoted him.

00:51:13Guest 3:And finally, Parallel, who is the blue-collar company, they hired him as a manager.

00:51:19Guest 3:And he's like, do you want to come over with me?

00:51:21Guest 3:I'm like, of course.

00:51:23Guest 3:Because people would always go, you should do blue-collar.

00:51:27Guest 3:And it was like...

00:51:28Guest 3:It was never an intentional thing.

00:51:30Guest 3:It was just like, okay, and we ended up doing the next generation thing, which it really didn't take off because just, you know, going under that label when those other guys, it just wasn't really.

00:51:42Marc:It was a strong brand, and those guys had really built, despite whenever they broke.

00:51:46Marc:I mean, Christ, Bill and Jeff and Ron had been out there 15, 20 years already.

00:51:52Guest 3:Yeah, I had heard Ron was ready to quit comedy.

00:51:55Guest 3:I had heard that... Larry actually wasn't a part of the original group.

00:52:01Guest 3:Bill Engvall told me that... Because Bill's the only one I know of all of them.

00:52:06Guest 3:He's the only one I've met.

00:52:08Guest 3:And...

00:52:09Guest 3:He was like, they had some other guy.

00:52:12Guest 3:He didn't name who he was, but he was like, we had another guy, which was... He was a really funny comic.

00:52:17Guest 3:We all liked him.

00:52:18Guest 3:But then once we got out there, like in these big shows, it just didn't gel with everything.

00:52:23Guest 3:So we replaced him with, you know, Larry.

00:52:26Guest 3:And then Larry obviously is taken off to where he has.

00:52:29Guest 3:But I mean, the thing for me is like...

00:52:33Guest 3:I've heard that, you know, that Larry is just, like, the nicest guy in the world, and he's such a... I just hate that, like, because we both wear hats and we're kind of chubby and we talk with an accent, everybody's always comparing me to him.

00:52:50Guest 3:And I'm like...

00:52:51Guest 3:dude, no, I'm a, I'm, you know, he, you know, he does what he does and it's great.

00:52:56Guest 3:And I don't want to take anything from him.

00:52:58Guest 3:I just, for me, it's like, it's no.

00:53:00Guest 3:Well, you're, but you're a guy and he's a character.

00:53:03Marc:Yeah.

00:53:04Guest 3:I mean, I, I use, yeah.

00:53:05Guest 3:It's like, I'm, you know, my real name is John Caparulo.

00:53:08Marc:Yeah.

00:53:08Marc:But you know, you're speaking from your, your mind and your heart and you're, you know, you got a whole, you know, you're being honestly expressive to yourself where he's like, what would Larry say?

00:53:17Yeah.

00:53:17Guest 3:okay yeah yeah you know it's not that's not a judgment that's not a moral judgment it's just that that's how he does his act he's sure sure and and the thing is for me is like i said it's like you know i just think it's like it's just such a you know thing for me where i'm like you know people are like oh you remind us so much of larry okay and i'm like god

00:53:38Guest 3:I know you mean well by that, but really, we're not the same.

00:53:42Guest 3:We're just not, you know?

00:53:44Guest 3:And it's, yeah.

00:53:46Guest 3:That's the downside of being, you know, associated with blue collar.

00:53:50Guest 3:Because, I mean, the people who love blue collar comedy really love it.

00:53:54Guest 3:Yeah.

00:53:54Guest 3:But the people who hate it fucking hate it, you know?

00:53:58Guest 3:And it's like, you know, for me, it's like, I'm not either way.

00:54:01Guest 3:Like, I, you know, I just kind of, you know, I can appeal either way.

00:54:07Marc:You know, it's like, what I'm doing is, yeah, you're just a comic.

00:54:10Marc:Right.

00:54:10Marc:Yeah.

00:54:11Marc:And the thing I don't get is that, like, even with people who judge blue collar comedy, there is no way you can deny that Ron White is not a fucking great comic.

00:54:20Marc:Yes.

00:54:20Marc:I think so, too.

00:54:21Marc:Like Bill Ingvall, I find a little boring, but I mean, he definitely is a real comic.

00:54:26Marc:Yeah.

00:54:27Marc:You know, if Foxworthy disappeared for a while and out of all of them, you know, he's the most difficult for me, even though I did one of my first gigs with him before he did the redneck thing and he was just a headliner guy.

00:54:38Marc:Really?

00:54:38Marc:And he had a couple of great jokes.

00:54:40Guest 3:Yeah.

00:54:40Marc:And he once told me a story about staying on a beach house and a bale of pot washed up.

00:54:45Marc:I mean, you know, you forget that once these guys become these things that they're just guys and they may forget it themselves.

00:54:51Marc:Right.

00:54:53Marc:I knew Dan Whitney before he became Larry the Cable Guy a bit.

00:54:56Marc:And he was kind of a funny guy.

00:54:58Marc:And I've never really watched any of him.

00:55:02Marc:It just hasn't come up.

00:55:03Marc:And I've seen Bill Ingvall, you know, occasionally come up on TV.

00:55:06Marc:But Ron, I'll go out of my way to watch.

00:55:08Guest 3:Yeah.

00:55:09Marc:Because, you know, he takes chances.

00:55:11Marc:He's an odd guy.

00:55:13Marc:He's very deliberate.

00:55:14Marc:He's a storyteller.

00:55:16Marc:And he doesn't give a fuck.

00:55:19Guest 3:well yeah i i think i think his of all four of those guys is just the most genuine point of view like he's not none of this is bullshit he's really that much of a drunk he's that much of a you know he's a he's a degenerate and he loves it you know and it's like the thing is is like that's what i mean it's like i i just you can tell when it's bullshit and it's not bullshit coming from him and i

00:55:44Guest 3:what i like and neither are you my friend and this was a good chat and i'm glad we had it absolutely thank you for for having me over to the cat farm yes sir we didn't even talk about the dog cat but is there some place to direct people if they want to see your shit uh i'm at uh john caparulo.com and um yeah it's uh that's pretty much it all right thanks for coming man thanks brother

00:56:11Marc:.

00:56:16Marc:Okay, so this always happens.

00:56:18Marc:I turn the mics off and we started talking.

00:56:20Marc:John Capro and I started talking.

00:56:23Marc:So now, how much do you interact with your fans?

00:56:25Marc:I mean, are you a guy like, you know, I am compulsive and I tend to interact with everybody on Facebook.

00:56:32Marc:I actually just redesigned my MySpace page because I was told no one goes anymore.

00:56:36Marc:And then I was told by Doug Benson, but that's the only place you can put your dates up.

00:56:39Marc:And I'm like, well, fuck, I haven't even been on to my page in four months.

00:56:43Marc:Right.

00:56:43Marc:So I'm back on there.

00:56:44Guest 3:Yeah, you know, when my DVD came out last year, Warner Brothers hired some company to do... They jazzed up my MySpace page.

00:56:58Guest 3:They put me on Facebook and Twitter and stuff like that.

00:57:01Guest 3:I mean...

00:57:02Guest 3:Do they tweet for you?

00:57:04Guest 3:No, they gave me the number to do it, and I just started... My thing is, like, you know, I understand, you know, that everybody, like, wants, you know, with the internet and everything, you can have access to your favorite, you know, whatever, you know, artists and stuff like that.

00:57:21Guest 3:I just...

00:57:22Guest 3:for me i'm too i get myself in trouble because i'm entirely too sensitive like i mean just i can't you know where they're just like ah you know i can't just go ah so and so is nuts and just let it go when they when they message well because you know like i get obviously i get so many you know supportive emails and messages from people yeah and and it's so it's so cool but like it's always the one negative one that i cannot i

00:57:50Marc:can't fucking ignore like you know what this is something common to a lot of dudes man i mean i've had guys on this show i've had a conversation about right before so you don't you're about to tell me i know what's gonna happen you're you're up you're up one night you're looking at what's oh that's nice oh that's it was it was late and it was like four in the morning i'm sitting there and i'm like i

00:58:11Guest 3:You know, I'm checking some MySpace messages, and I see one with the heading of Unfortunate.

00:58:15Guest 3:Oh, no.

00:58:16Guest 3:And I'm like, wait, what's this?

00:58:17Guest 3:And I click on it, and it's basically this comic book guy from The Simpsons.

00:58:23Guest 3:It's just this guy who says he's from Mesa, Arizona, said that...

00:58:27Guest 3:You know, he grew up in Ohio, and he was directed to my page, and he wanted to tell me that I am really not funny, and that I should quit comedy, and I should... Like, I just... I hated it that it was so definitive.

00:58:41Guest 3:Like, you know, just like, look, this isn't just my opinion.

00:58:45Guest 3:I represent everyone, sir.

00:58:47Guest 3:Everyone else has been lying to you for 12 years.

00:58:50Guest 3:And it's like, I just... I couldn't...

00:58:53Guest 3:I couldn't let it go.

00:58:54Guest 3:I even tried to call a friend.

00:58:55Guest 3:He even said at the end, I was like, I'm not trying to be mean, but you suck.

00:58:59Guest 3:Like, it was just like, I'm trying to help you out.

00:59:02Guest 3:Yeah, well, I mean, I thought that was mean, but then you said, so I guess.

00:59:06Guest 3:That's not.

00:59:07Guest 3:But I tried to call one of my friends.

00:59:09Guest 3:It was late at night.

00:59:10Guest 3:So I emailed the guy back.

00:59:12Guest 3:And basically I was like, look, you know, I never really wanted to be a famous comedian.

00:59:17Guest 3:I just kind of wanted to be, you know, some loser behind a computer throwing shit at people.

00:59:23Guest 3:I don't know.

00:59:24Guest 3:But since, but since that's not in the cards for me, you have to let me know how it works out.

00:59:29Guest 3:And yeah,

00:59:30Guest 3:And then I actually tried to get serious and tried to ask the guy, like, what were you trying to accomplish here?

00:59:35Marc:I've done that.

00:59:36Guest 3:Yeah, like, did you really expect me to retire after you sent me that shit?

00:59:41Marc:But secretly you're saying, can't you just like me?

00:59:43Marc:I mean, there's a lot of people.

00:59:45Guest 3:Well, the thing is, I just want him to acknowledge that his opinion is his opinion.

00:59:49Guest 3:Right.

00:59:49Guest 3:And it's not, it doesn't represent, obviously, the average person.

00:59:53Guest 3:Because it's like, if I sucked, I would...

00:59:55Guest 3:quit I wouldn't you know I wouldn't just keep going just to torture everybody and so I you know I ended up messaging him back and then he messages me back and it's even worse with more capital letters and fucking exclamation point I couldn't even read the whole thing and

01:00:13Guest 3:Then I went to email him back again.

01:00:17Marc:How long did you fester about it that time?

01:00:18Guest 3:About 12 hours.

01:00:20Marc:Oh, jeez.

01:00:20Marc:And it was late at night again.

01:00:21Marc:He fucking had you, man.

01:00:22Guest 3:Because I was basically like, no, you're not going to come in my yard, throw shit, and then leave.

01:00:28Guest 3:No, it's just not going to happen.

01:00:30Guest 3:So I go to email him back, and he's blocked me.

01:00:34Guest 3:Oh, you're the crazy guy.

01:00:36Guest 1:Yeah.

01:00:36Guest 3:So now I'm the... And I'm like...

01:00:38Guest 3:I'm like, oh, how dare you, sir?

01:00:41Guest 3:So I went and decided to bulletin all of my 20,000 or so friends on MySpace and say, hey, you know, I just got my first hate mail.

01:00:53Guest 3:You know, I understand if, you know, people don't like me or whatever, but just don't email me about it because it kind of fucks up my day.

01:00:59Guest 3:And I was like, but if you'd like to visit this guy's page, here's the page.

01:01:04Guest 3:Oh, God.

01:01:05Guest 3:So my fans start...

01:01:07Guest 3:this guy's page with a lot of hate.

01:01:10Guest 3:And, um, so he locks down his page.

01:01:14Guest 3:And the worst thing is, is this guy's like a computer program.

01:01:18Guest 3:He has a computer business.

01:01:20Guest 3:I'm out of my fucking league here.

01:01:22Guest 3:As far as next thing I know, um,

01:01:25Guest 3:People are emailing me asking me about a blogspot page that this guy has posed as some woman saying that when I was in Ohio, I was a friend of theirs and I molested their daughter.

01:01:43Guest 3:And I was a member of a white supremacist organization.

01:01:47Guest 3:As if child molesters not enough.

01:01:50Marc:Yeah.

01:01:50Guest 3:Yeah.

01:01:50Guest 3:No, we got to put it.

01:01:51Guest 3:We got to put racist on top just in case people are willing to overlook a child molester.

01:01:57Guest 3:But he's a racist, too.

01:01:59Guest 3:I was like.

01:02:00Guest 3:And I mean, I it was just it was horrifying to like I couldn't even read the whole page because you had no control over it.

01:02:08Guest 3:Right, and I'm sitting here, and I'm like, people are just reading this.

01:02:11Guest 3:I mean, none of these people exist.

01:02:13Guest 3:This isn't true.

01:02:15Guest 3:So, of course, I'm calling whoever to go.

01:02:19Guest 1:Who do you call?

01:02:19Guest 3:I call my manager.

01:02:20Guest 3:I call a lawyer.

01:02:22Guest 3:I'm like, hey, can you?

01:02:23Guest 3:And they're like, well, we'll send a cease and desist thing to Google, which owns the Blogspot page.

01:02:28Guest 3:And you figure, because I've watched enough things with online stuff, they can just trace your IP address.

01:02:35Marc:IP address, right.

01:02:35Guest 3:know where the computer, where it came from, and you're going to go to jail.

01:02:40Guest 3:Because, hey, that's slander.

01:02:43Guest 3:You're not allowed to do that.

01:02:44Guest 3:And Google basically told my lawyer, they're like, oh, yeah, we can't do anything about it.

01:02:53Guest 3:You're going to have to take it up with the author of the page.

01:02:56Guest 3:And it's like, the author's crazy.

01:03:00Guest 3:We can't do that.

01:03:01Guest 3:I'm not going to go knock on his door anymore.

01:03:04Guest 3:You know, so I was like... But you did know where he was.

01:03:06Guest 3:You did know who he was.

01:03:08Guest 3:Yeah, he was in Mesa.

01:03:09Guest 3:I mean, like, you know... So that's the fucking worst thing.

01:03:12Marc:That's like this Kafkaesque nightmare where you're like, you think, I'm going to get justice.

01:03:15Marc:I rarely need to take action like this.

01:03:17Marc:So I'm going to take action.

01:03:18Marc:Yeah.

01:03:19Marc:And then you come up against the wall.

01:03:20Marc:We're like, yeah, there's nothing we can do.

01:03:21Guest 3:Yeah, I mean, we were even just like, we just wanted Google to take it down.

01:03:26Marc:Right.

01:03:26Guest 3:Just like, yeah, can you take that off?

01:03:28Guest 3:I mean... Oh, what is awful.

01:03:29Marc:And they're like, no...

01:03:30Marc:We can't.

01:03:31Marc:So you had people writing like, dude, is this true?

01:03:34Guest 3:Yeah, I mean, I had to call my mom and go, hey, look, just in case you hear, hey, is your son a child molester?

01:03:41Guest 3:I mean, like that kind of, and it was like, it was just so, and it was such a helpless feeling.

01:03:46Guest 3:I even got to the point where I was, you know, they were like, look, if you want to spend a bunch of money in litigation to go after this guy, you know, you could probably, you know,

01:03:57Guest 3:win a case, but it would take a few years and blah, blah, blah.

01:04:01Guest 3:So it was basically like, if you don't want to pay for justice, you're going to have to ignore it.

01:04:05Guest 3:Wait it out.

01:04:06Guest 3:And that's, that's what I got.

01:04:07Guest 3:I I've still never even gone back to see if the page is up.

01:04:11Guest 3:It just, it's horrifying for you, man.

01:04:13Guest 3:It's just, it's not really like, I'm not doing it as like a, you know, Hey, I'm going to take a stand.

01:04:19Guest 3:It's more like, I just can't read.

01:04:20Marc:Well, no, but I'm saying that for a guy as compulsive as you are,

01:04:24Marc:To actually detach.

01:04:25Guest 3:I'm not detached.

01:04:27Guest 3:I'm just afraid.

01:04:28Marc:Well, to be clear, John Caprullo, not a child molester, was never in a white supremacist group.

01:04:35Marc:And I hope that this particular anti-fan has moved on.

01:04:45Marc:That's our show.

01:04:46Marc:I got a lot resolved.

01:04:47Marc:I feel better.

01:04:48Marc:I hope you feel better.

01:04:49Marc:Again, you can email me.

01:04:50Marc:If I don't get back to you so quickly, I probably will, but we will be doing an email show.

01:04:54Marc:That just actually takes a lot more production than this, than me talking, because I have to go through and pick the ones that resonate with me and pick the ones that... Well, I'm going to do it, okay?

01:05:03Marc:Remember, go to wtfpod.com.

01:05:06Marc:Get yourself a Nerdcock shirt or perhaps a WTF shirt.

01:05:09Marc:Watch some videos.

01:05:10Marc:Email us.

01:05:11Marc:Follow us on Twitter.

01:05:12Marc:And send me some money.

01:05:14Marc:This might be it, folks.

01:05:16Marc:This might be it.

01:05:17Marc:This might be it for me.

01:05:19Marc:I might be doing this.

01:05:20Marc:So support.

01:05:21Marc:It's a listener-supported thing.

01:05:23Marc:Do not want to go to a payside situation.

01:05:26Marc:Love doing the show for everybody, no matter whether they pay or not.

01:05:29Marc:But you do get that T-shirt if you subscribe eventually.

01:05:32Marc:No, I'm on top of it.

01:05:33Marc:I'll send it right away.

01:05:35Marc:Thank you for all your support.

01:05:36Marc:Go to punchlinemagazine.com for all your comedy necessities in terms of what's going on in the world of comedy.

01:05:43Marc:Head over there.

01:05:44Marc:And as always, justcoffee.coop for the good coffee, for the fair trade coffee.

01:05:49Marc:You can go to justcoffee.coop or you can go to WTF Pod and do that thing.

01:05:54Marc:That's it.

01:05:55Marc:I hope you had a good time.

01:05:56Marc:I hope you solved some problems.

01:05:57Marc:I hope you were entertained.

01:06:04.

01:06:13.