Episode 39 - Chelsea Peretti
Marc:Lock the gates!
Marc:Are we doing this?
Marc:Really?
Marc:Wait for it.
Marc:Are we doing this?
Marc:Wait for it.
Marc:Pow!
Marc:What the fuck?
Marc:Are we doing this?
Marc:Really?
Marc:And it's also... Eh, what the fuck?
Marc:What's wrong with me?
Marc:It's time for WTF!
Marc:What the fuck?
Marc:With Mark Maron.
What the fuck?
Marc:okay let's do this how's everybody doing hello what the fuckers what the fuck buddies what the fucking ears whatever the fuck you want to be called i guess i should make the decision but i like all three of those now i thought we had this closed up too i thought that this was uh the jury was in and we made a decision but things happen you know time goes on and you start to think like i want to say more things to the people at the beginning of the thing so i can say more things at the beginning and call them things and and uh
Marc:Have options.
Marc:That's what's going on.
Marc:I'm just getting up.
Marc:I think that, honestly, this is the least caffeinated, least nicotized I've been on the air for you people.
Marc:I'm up early.
Marc:I'm getting ready to leave town.
Marc:I want to get this in the can so we can get...
Marc:I don't need to explain the mechanics of how we do the show here.
Marc:I just wanted to record this now before I left town.
Marc:So now I'm up.
Marc:It's early.
Marc:I just threw Boomer out of the garage.
Marc:He doesn't live in here, but he came in when I came in to do the recording.
Marc:And I can't turn my back on that cat for a second because he's going to spray pee on something.
Marc:I don't even know.
Marc:He's like stealth about it.
Marc:He can be in a room for literally 45 seconds, and you get him out of there, and you don't know where it is, but certainly within an hour or so, you'll be like, it happened.
Marc:It happened.
Marc:P has been laid down.
Marc:I don't know where.
Marc:I thought I was watching him.
Marc:How did it happen?
Marc:So he's out.
Marc:I would have had him on.
Marc:He would have been a fine guest, Boomer, but he's out.
Marc:It's not just me and my, hold on, wait for it.
Marc:Pow!
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:I think I shit my pants.
Marc:JustCoffee.coop, fair trade coffee.
Marc:Go to WTFPod.com.
Marc:Get the link there.
Marc:Go to JustCoffee.coop.
Marc:So, folks, something's going on with my head.
Marc:I'm having some head problems.
Marc:Well, there's something going on with my body, too.
Marc:Nothing to worry about.
Marc:I put on a few pounds, and I'm not just making it up.
Marc:It's for real.
Marc:And I'm insisting on wearing the pants that felt great when I was at the perfect weight.
Marc:I know this sounds maybe a little girly.
Marc:I don't even know if that's saying it wrong.
Marc:But I'm insisting on wearing the pants that are uncomfortable in order to drive me back to the weight that I'm comfortable at.
Marc:Is that a normal behavior?
Marc:Is it incentive?
Marc:Or is it just making me hate myself more?
Marc:That's a question for you people.
Marc:But here's the other thing that's going on.
Marc:I seem to be worrying a lot at night.
Marc:I've been sleeping pretty well.
Marc:I find that I sleep better when I'm on the road at a hotel that has a nice bed.
Marc:When it's quiet, got nothing to worry about.
Marc:I forget that when I live in a house that I fought to hold on to this little crumbling house that I live in.
Marc:that there's no end to the shit that needs to be done.
Marc:But I wish that was just a worry I was having.
Marc:I mean, I lay in bed, and literally, this is what I do.
Marc:I'll get in bed, and I'll be falling asleep, and then I'll start thinking, hey, what if my garage slides down the hill?
Marc:What if it starts raining and I wake up to a rumbling sound?
Marc:And this is in light of the horrendous earthquake in Haiti.
Marc:I can't.
Marc:I got to make it about me.
Marc:Maybe that's what caused it.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:But I'm sitting there thinking like I got some equipment in there, my books.
Marc:What if it slides down the hill?
Marc:The whole garage just crumbles down the hill.
Marc:What if that happens?
Marc:I live in California.
Marc:That could happen.
Marc:Then here's another one.
Marc:What if I fall asleep, someone comes into my house and hits me in the head with a bat?
Marc:Where does that one come from?
Marc:It's ridiculous.
Marc:And then there's this one.
Marc:What if I die in my sleep?
Marc:Why am I doing that?
Marc:That would be the best thing that could happen.
Marc:So that's what my brain does as opposed to just go to sleep.
Marc:That's what I do.
Marc:That's how my brain works creatively.
Marc:Ridiculous.
Marc:Last night, I was driving to a little club to do a set.
Marc:But here, I almost died.
Marc:I almost died in my car texting.
Marc:How stupid is that?
Marc:It's got to be happening.
Marc:You know people are having accidents because they're texting.
Marc:And I wish I could just say, what the fuck is... Drive your car...
Marc:fella who almost killed me.
Marc:Stop texting, but I'm that guy.
Marc:I'm trying to text and drive.
Marc:And then it dawned on me that I guess one of the benefits of dying while texting and driving is that your last words will be recorded.
Marc:They will be right there.
Marc:They will be documented, probably incomplete, but you will have last words.
Marc:And that is not something that everybody gets in this life.
Marc:Sadly, it would probably be like, you know, fuck you, you suck, LOL.
Marc:Oh, we can only imagine what he would have said.
Marc:Probably L. There would probably be another L at the end.
Marc:They could read your last words at your funeral.
Marc:And I think we can all identify when Mark wrote, you know, dude, I'll see you there.
Marc:Don't.
Marc:It's a life that's incomplete.
Marc:Don't what?
Marc:We don't know.
Marc:But he's no longer with us.
Marc:Yeah, I'll work on that.
Marc:So this is going to be an interesting show.
Marc:I'm sorry if I'm a little punchy.
Marc:You know, I got to fly.
Marc:I have no idea what that's going to be like, what that ordeal is going to be now that someone tried to blow their underpants up.
Marc:I tried to shower and look nice for the x-ray machine.
Marc:But here's what's going to happen this show.
Marc:This is almost like a first date, you guys.
Marc:The woman who's coming up, Chelsea Peretti, very funny woman, is going to be the co-host on my pilot that I'll be taping on January 28th at 7 p.m.
Marc:at the Comedy Central stage here in Los Angeles.
Marc:It's a WTF television pilot presentation.
Marc:You can call 323-960-5519 for reservations.
Marc:I hope you all come down.
Marc:We could use the support.
Marc:But I've never talked to Chelsea for more than 10 minutes.
Marc:So this is really going to be our first date on the air and also just feeling each other out to see if there's chemistry.
Marc:Not like we want to fuck chemistry, but like chemistry for television.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:We'll see.
Marc:So that's going to happen right now.
Marc:Why are you laughing?
Guest 1:Because I was going to say it smells like farts in here.
Marc:It does?
Guest 1:No, it doesn't.
Guest 1:But my friend Brendan said it smells like farts at your house or something like that.
Guest 1:And then I was like, are you serious?
Guest 1:And then the next day I said it to him.
Guest 1:Because he was like, no, it doesn't.
Guest 1:I'm just saying that to fuck with you.
Guest 1:But it really works to say that to someone.
Guest 1:Everyone, without any exceptions, freaks out.
Marc:Well, I mean, there's so many smells here.
Marc:And I never know if that one cat comes in here and pees on things.
Marc:I have a cat that compulsively pisses on things.
Marc:So it's never farts.
Guest 1:It's always some... Cat piss is almost worse, I think.
Marc:But did you smell any cat piss?
Marc:You don't smell any cat piss.
Guest 1:No.
Guest 1:I saw a cat vomit with my eyes.
Marc:Well, I leave that out for the other animals to eat.
Guest 1:That's considerate.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, I live out here in the wild, and I have possums and raccoons and skunks to worry about, and they have no shame about eating cat puke.
Marc:Fair enough.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm helping the environment, and I'm helping the other animals.
Marc:I'm helping the ecosystem in general.
Guest 1:Your cat vomit is so helpful.
Marc:I know.
Marc:In the garage here at the Cat Ranch overlooking the barrio in the hills of Highland Park is Chelsea Peretti.
Marc:We finally have another woman on, okay?
Marc:So enough complaining.
Marc:I had a problem.
Guest 1:Really?
Guest 1:First it was too dewy, then it's not enough women.
Marc:Well, there's not a lot of complaints about the women, but I actually felt guilty because I'd had Maria Bamford on one of the live shows at Silverman on one of the live shows at Jen Kirkman in studio, Caroline Ray.
Guest 1:The women are on the live show ghetto.
Marc:Kind of.
Marc:But not Caroline.
Marc:Caroline wasn't.
Marc:And Sarah Silverman, you wrote for her.
Marc:She's a big star.
Marc:When am I going to have her come up here to the garage?
Marc:She might.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:Mary Lynn Rice may come.
Marc:But my problem was I had an opportunity to interview a porn star.
Guest 1:I heard that one.
Guest 1:I liked her voice a lot.
Marc:The lisp and the cuteness.
Guest 1:Yeah, she had such a cute voice that I went and watched her on YouTube.
Marc:She's powerful.
Marc:She does the work.
Guest 1:Did you have a little crush on her?
Marc:No, I didn't really know her, and I'm not really a porn guy.
Marc:I don't lock on to certain actresses.
Marc:If I do porn, it's just to use it, and I usually do.
Marc:You do porn?
Marc:No.
Marc:I mean, you know, when I use it occasionally, but I'm not like a champion of the form.
Marc:I'm not like shameless, like, you know, porn is great.
Marc:Right.
Marc:I have my own issues with it.
Marc:So I didn't really know how to handle that whole thing.
Guest 1:Because I always kind of envied men for their openness about porn.
Guest 1:Like they all just like swap links and talk about it openly.
Guest 1:And I think women tend to be much more private about their...
Marc:But you guys do it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, I was surprised when I found that out.
Marc:My second wife, she told me she liked it, but she actually liked cartoons.
Guest 1:cartoon oh like anime yeah yeah yeah i mean i i think it could yeah i mean japanese porn is kind of crazy i feel like i haven't watched that much anime but i feel like maybe it could be hot the thing i well the thing i know about japanese porn just from coming upon it in my in my for my forging
Marc:When I forage for free porn, I've come upon... I want to come upon your face.
Marc:Yeah, I've come upon naked Shakespearean.
Marc:I find that the Japanese porn's a lot more hair.
Guest 1:Yeah, that part I don't love, actually.
Marc:Reasonable-sized genitals.
Guest 1:But a lot of dominance and submission.
Marc:Yeah, there's a lot of the same sound.
Marc:They all seem to have the same, like, oh, no.
Marc:Bobby Lee does an extensive bit about Japanese porn.
Guest 1:Can we get him on the phone?
Marc:No, but we can probably get him up here.
Marc:I've not asked him to come up here.
Marc:I should.
Marc:So how are you doing in L.A.?
Marc:I mean, you're like me in the sense that people always say to me, like, you're such a New York guy.
Guest 1:I know.
Guest 1:It's weird because I grew up in Oakland, California.
Guest 1:You grew up there?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:But people think of me as being so New York because I lived there for so long.
Marc:And you have an Italian name.
Marc:And when Italians are in New York, they just assume that you've been there for generations.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:When I first got there, it wasn't like that, though.
Guest 1:When it snowed, I wore a full-on ski suit with suspenders.
Guest 1:I was so out of my element in school.
Guest 1:And everyone was wearing cute jeans and boots and things that savvy New York gals wear.
Marc:How old were you when you moved to New York?
Guest 1:uh god i guess 20 or something how old are you when you start college if you go to college like 19 yeah yeah so you went to college in new york that's why you went yes to nyu nope i went to the school that joan rivers attended what does that mean barnard college so you're smarty pants yeah how do you like that you look so like i don't know what that expression is like
Marc:Because usually comics who are smart, they either end up in a relatively shitty college because they weren't motivated to do anything, or they drop out of college, or they were lawyers.
Marc:I know a couple of comic lawyers.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But Barnard, that's as good as you can get.
Marc:That's like Ivy League, spectacular Columbia sister school big time.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So how come you got into comedy?
Marc:I want to get into how a obviously well-educated, clearly comes from a relatively good family.
Marc:I'm not going to get into it.
Marc:I don't know anything about your family.
Marc:Were they?
Marc:How Italian are you?
Guest 1:Well, my family, my mom's Jewish, my dad's Italian.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Why aren't we married?
Guest 1:They divorced.
Guest 1:I think that if your last marriages serve as any kind of template for what our marriage would be like.
Marc:But aren't you different?
Marc:I'm so much different now.
Guest 1:No, I don't know if I'm capable.
Guest 1:I am starting to really think that I genuinely have like a major fear of commitment.
Marc:Commitment or?
Guest 1:I choose people that always have a glaring flaw, like a glaring thing that would make us incompatible, like that anyone could just... Oh, I'm sorry.
Marc:Didn't she go out with Jim Norton?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:I mean, that is not glaring.
Marc:That is glowing, like white hot fire light.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:That is a lantern.
Guest 1:Well, me and Jim were friends for many years, and we always cracked up.
Guest 1:I mean, it sounds stupid, but we laughed.
Guest 1:We had long conversations.
Guest 1:We'd go have dinner, and then there became a point where I was like, maybe this is something more.
Marc:Once you crossed that point, how long did that relationship last?
Guest 1:I don't know.
Guest 1:I think it was somewhere between a year and a half and two years.
Marc:You don't know?
Marc:Was that like the lost years of Chelsea Peretti?
Guest 1:No.
Guest 1:I don't know.
Guest 1:I think I max out in relationships, it seems like, at a year or two.
Marc:Yeah?
Marc:Why?
Marc:Because what happens?
Guest 1:I get cheated on or... I don't know.
Guest 1:Honestly, I just don't think things... This is why I feel like I will be alone perhaps forever, but I do feel like things get uninteresting
Marc:Ah.
Guest 1:or something.
Marc:You don't want to go to the next level, the point where you're like, do you feel at one and a half years that you get bored because you know each other so well or because you just don't want to go to the next level?
Guest 1:I get that thing of like, ooh, maybe there's someone else who has something better.
Marc:Right, that you can start over with and burn through in a year and a half.
Guest 1:Yeah, and then you get to see that everyone has flaws eventually once you're a year in or something.
Guest 1:Also, I don't feel like I'm always myself until a year in.
Marc:Takes you that time to warm up?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:That's problematic.
Marc:I feel that way on stage.
Marc:You can't really get the idea of what I'm doing until about 20 minutes in.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then if it's only a 10-minute set, there's a good chance they're just not going to lock on.
Guest 1:Five minutes is just a disaster.
Marc:Well, I can do it, but I don't feel like I represent myself.
Marc:It's like a robot pretending to be me.
Guest 1:Yes.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Have you had that experience?
Guest 1:Yeah, totally.
Marc:No, wait.
Marc:Let's get back to this cheating thing now.
Marc:So...
Marc:Like, I assume I've been cheated on, but I've not caught anybody cheating.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:Well, in this last one, she had... Women don't... Apparently, from what I understand, after looking at all the statistics and talking to women, generally, they don't leave without someone to go to.
Guest 1:You know what?
Guest 1:I do.
Guest 1:I will say that I do.
Marc:But she was married.
Marc:I'm not bitter, and I'm over it.
Marc:Okay?
Marc:But did you find out you were cheated on?
Guest 1:Yes.
Marc:How did you find out?
Marc:Like a text, a computer thing, or did you catch him?
Guest 1:Someone we knew.
Guest 1:I mean, I've been cheated on actually many times.
Guest 1:Really?
Guest 1:Yes.
Marc:And how do you handle that?
Guest 1:Depression.
Marc:You just take it all on yourself and crawl into a hole?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:No, how I usually handle it is that I shut down emotionally and then I eventually, sometimes I'll try to work it out and then I break up with the person and then I go through a period of like total relief and like feeling powerful and having, somehow it's weird.
Guest 1:Like I feel freed of things and
Marc:All right, the onus has been taken off of you to break up in the relationship.
Guest 1:Yeah, or something.
Marc:Does it usually happen at that point where you're done?
Guest 1:It gives me certainty because I'm not someone, and I think I'm evolving, but it's very hard for me to just go, oh, this doesn't really feel like it's working.
Guest 1:Let's not go further.
Guest 1:I'll go, this doesn't feel like it's working, but we have so much fun eating dinner.
Guest 1:And just, let's give it two more years.
Guest 1:I like cuddling.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:I don't know how the hell to get out of things.
Guest 1:It's terrible.
Marc:I usually wait until it explodes into some dramatic mess.
Guest 1:Yeah, me too.
Guest 1:But that's like my goal as a human being is to be able to be more honest about like, this doesn't really feel like it's working.
Marc:And I have not dated in years, really.
Marc:And now I'm in this world where I'm acting out sexually, dating.
Guest 1:I thought, yeah, you were in a total fuck festival.
Marc:I was.
Marc:I was.
Marc:And it's been good.
Marc:But now I'm starting to realize that all of my support of sex with strangers and sort of like no real ties type of sexual things is just a myth.
Marc:And you can't ride that out forever because I think if you have sex with someone like two or three times, you're locked in somehow.
Marc:Somehow expectations are there.
Marc:Not necessarily on my side, but what I'm getting at is that, yeah, it's all good and you can have good sex with people you don't know that well.
Marc:But ultimately, where do you end up after a string of that?
Guest 1:Yeah, well, this is what people say, and I think maybe sex complicates things, but people do talk about just dating, and dating multiple people, I think, maybe before you have sex, Mark.
Marc:I have no idea about that.
Guest 1:I don't either, because I always, if I date multiple people, there's always going to be a frontrunner that's the one that I genuinely have all my emotions attached to, and the others will just be filler for when I feel like distancing, or I feel like I need to feel more important, or whatever.
Guest 1:Right.
Marc:And they're also there, so you are actually dating other people.
Marc:And whoever the front runner is, they hold on you.
Guest 1:Exactly.
Guest 1:I don't know how people do it in a healthy manner.
Guest 1:Like, once a week, I see so-and-so.
Guest 1:Like, I'm always like, let's live together immediately for three months.
Guest 1:And then by that point, it feels like crazy to break up because you've spent every second for three months together.
Marc:Right.
Marc:So much is invested.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Of your time.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:That's funny.
Marc:Like, that first date went well.
Marc:Do you want to just move your stuff in?
Marc:Or do we?
Marc:Yeah.
Yeah.
Marc:I don't know a lot about you, and we're going to be working together, at least for a night.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:In a very real way.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Like, we have to get along, kind of.
Guest 1:Well, this is funny to me that this is like the first time that we're really talking to each other, and we have to have two microphones between us and a laptop.
Marc:I think it's good.
Marc:Chelsea and I are doing a pilot presentation of...
Marc:a TV show called WTF that is not like this show.
Marc:So don't expect whatever's happening now to be exactly indicative of what's going to happen on that show.
Marc:How was that?
Marc:I didn't really sell it that well.
Marc:It's going to be great.
Marc:Can you tell the electricity between us?
Mm-hmm.
Marc:So a lot of people probably are saying, well, they do this a lot on my show anyways, because a lot of the people that listen aren't necessarily comedy people.
Marc:But you've been around for a while.
Marc:You've done some things.
Marc:I mean, what if you're, you know, how would people find you if they wanted to find Chelsea Peretti?
Marc:What would they find?
Marc:Where would they go?
Guest 1:Well, the internet would be a huge resource.
Marc:Hold on, internet, let me write that down.
Guest 1:It would be a huge resource for my career.
Guest 1:I did a couple projects that were on the more techie side in collaboration with my brother, Jonah.
Marc:The techie?
Guest 1:Yes.
Marc:So he helped you out.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Me and him did two things together after I graduated from school.
Guest 1:One was this website, black people love us, which was these two white people kind of bragging about their black friends and how well liked they are by them and testimonials from their black friends that are kind of sarcastic kind of implications of annoying white people.
Marc:Now, is this one of those things where, like, because, like, I don't know what it is, but are there going to be people who are listening right now going, oh, shit, I love that.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:We wound up, like, on Good Morning America facing off with, like, Diane Sawyer mediating with two black people.
Guest 1:One was Omar Waso.
Guest 1:I don't know if you know him.
Marc:As to whether or not it was appropriate?
Guest 1:Yeah, like she had one of them be pro and one be con.
Guest 1:I mean, it was six in the morning.
Guest 1:I was so tired.
Guest 1:I couldn't think.
Guest 1:And in general, I think I learned from it like never to try to have a serious intellectual discussion about a joke.
Guest 1:Like I would much rather just be like, I thought it was funny.
Guest 1:Bye.
Marc:Well, what was the angle?
Marc:What was the argument?
Marc:Did you upset the black people?
Guest 1:We were more kind of talking about new age racism, like this subtle thing of like, you know, the whole thing of like, you're so articulate for a black person, that kind of logic.
Guest 1:And so...
Guest 1:And then we did rejection line, which was this local phone number that you could hand out.
Guest 1:It was a New York number.
Guest 1:Like if someone was hitting on you, you could give them that number.
Guest 1:And then it was a phone tree of prerecorded rejection specialists that they could.
Marc:Could they really use it?
Guest 1:Yeah, you could call and it's like the person who gave you this number does not want to talk to you or see you again.
Guest 1:And then you could press one for a sad poem by a kindred spirit.
Guest 1:There's different options.
Guest 1:I think the fourth option was to cling to the unrealistic hope that a relationship is still possible.
Guest 1:Press four.
Guest 1:And then that thing went around a lot.
Guest 1:So both those things... Like a lot.
Marc:What does that mean?
Marc:What are the numbers?
Guest 1:Oh God, my brother's good with numbers.
Marc:I just know that... Like a million?
Guest 1:I mean, I think more.
Marc:Really?
Guest 1:Black People Love Us was really huge.
Guest 1:Rejection Line was harder to monitor because it was a local phone number.
Guest 2:Oh.
Guest 1:But they both, I mean, we did a lot of different, you know, the New York Times wrote about the Black People Love Us thing and it was in the style section.
Marc:What year was this?
Marc:Were we talking?
Guest 1:Oh.
Marc:How far back are we going?
Marc:I want to say... When did you graduate school?
Guest 1:2000.
Marc:All right, so 2001, too?
Guest 1:Something like that.
Marc:Pre or post 9-11.
Marc:Don't mean to bring it up, but... Can't remember.
Marc:Really?
Marc:That was the day that changed everything.
Marc:You can't remember.
Guest 1:I know.
Guest 1:I can't remember any of the chronology of my life.
Marc:I have a hard time with that, too.
Guest 1:Oh, good.
Marc:I feel like we just talked yesterday.
Guest 1:Yeah, what?
Guest 1:so anyway whatever we wound up like selling four tv shows off of just like having done those two projects and people contacting us at the time there was not that much going on on the internet actually that was at the beginning of the viral trend yes i think it would be a lot harder now but maybe not i don't know
Guest 1:But and then none of those shows wound up getting made.
Guest 1:And then my brother was like, entertainment sucks.
Guest 1:There's too many people telling you there's too much of a hierarchy.
Guest 2:And that's true.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:And he's like, technology, just create something.
Guest 1:And then if it's good, that's it.
Marc:Right.
Marc:That's that's exactly why I like doing this.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:I'm the top of the pyramid.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:And the bottom, which is difficult.
Marc:It's difficult to have both positions being the top of the pyramid and the bottom.
Guest 1:Well, it's got its pros and cons.
Marc:I have to answer to me.
Marc:I have to negotiate with me.
Guest 1:That must be a nightmare.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Answering to me is difficult.
Marc:Now, did you write on both seasons of Sarah's show?
Guest 1:No, I just came out here.
Guest 1:Basically, I came out here for two months to write for the show.
Guest 1:And then I went back to New York and got all my stuff and came back for good.
Guest 1:and wrote more for the show no there was just two months when now are you settling into los angeles are you still because the last time i saw you you're like what the fuck i'm yeah i had stranded i had one dark week here i feel like but other let's go through it okay what's a dark week for chelsea you know what i really hate is um going to parties or just when people just all invite you places yeah huh
Guest 1:Do you have no friends out here?
Guest 1:Are you just always up on this little vomit mountain?
Marc:Yeah, I'm up on the mountain of cat vomit.
Marc:Cat vomit mountain.
Marc:I have friends, but they seem to be afraid of me.
Marc:I mean, I don't know.
Marc:Who invites you places?
Guest 1:Well, you know what?
Guest 1:I just created a night jog.
Marc:You're saying you meet people on your night jog that invite you places?
Guest 1:Well, I was going to invite you.
Guest 1:If you want to come, a bunch of us... I now had to change it to a night walk, but a bunch of us are going to do it.
Guest 1:I'll tell you the information.
Marc:Who's involved?
Marc:This is why I don't get invited places.
Marc:This is why I hate LA.
Marc:How do I stand out in this group?
Marc:Who is in the group?
Marc:Do you walk fast?
Marc:I'd run.
Marc:I went to the gym today.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:You can't tell?
Guest 1:I mean, you don't seem fat.
Marc:That's the best you're going to do?
Marc:Not you look fit.
Marc:You're an Adonis.
Marc:For a guy your age, maybe you could throw one of those in.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So you're in with a crew?
Guest 1:Do you not have any friends?
Marc:This is the second time he said that.
Guest 1:I like the way it sounds.
Marc:I have people I know.
Guest 1:What guys are you closest to?
Marc:Who do I enjoy spending a little time with?
Marc:I don't do much, and I don't know what you're supposed to do in large crowds of people.
Marc:I'm more of a one-on-one kind of person, maybe two people, even when there's three of us.
Marc:And who are those people?
Marc:Who do I like hanging out with?
Marc:Al Madrigal lives not far from here.
Marc:Occasionally, we'll go do a lunch thing, Al and I. Jim Short, who's an Australian guy, he's a comedian.
Marc:I don't hang with a lot of comedians.
Guest 1:Now, is this a proximity thing because they live close?
Marc:No.
Marc:I'll go to dinner with Jerry Stahl occasionally.
Marc:I do enjoy the company of ... We have to understand, I've been sort of a prickly asshole for a long time.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It wasn't until my divorce and humbling that I finally found some humility and now see myself as a peer among peers.
Guest 1:Well, then this is great that this happened.
Marc:I don't know what the hell am I going to do with it.
Marc:What am I going to call a guy and go, let's go to the movies?
Marc:Yeah, sure.
Marc:Like who?
Marc:Like who would I do that with?
Marc:I mean, there's some guys I like.
Marc:I like a lot of fellas.
Marc:A lot of the guys I've had on the show, Steve Arnaziz, he's a nice guy, but he's got a wife and kid.
Marc:You know, Magical's got a couple of kids.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I like, who do I like?
Marc:Well, Bill Burr was up here, but he's got a gal.
Marc:You know, it's hard to fit yourself into people's lives.
Guest 1:I like his gal.
Marc:She's great.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, she used to work on Tough Crowd.
Marc:So what are you working on, aside from the amazing pilot that we're being paid nothing for, for Comedy Central?
Guest 1:There is a Variety Shack pilot.
Marc:Variety Shack?
Guest 1:Is a group that I did a monthly show with in New York, and we all did stand-up.
Guest 1:This girl, Shanali, did music, and then we would show a short film, a new short film.
Marc:A variety show, they called that, back in the day.
Guest 1:Right.
Marc:Are there people singing?
No.
Guest 1:Yes, Janelle.
Guest 1:She hosted it and she would sing at the top.
Marc:It's for who?
Guest 1:IFC.
Marc:Oh, yeah, they're doing some comedy.
Guest 1:And I do this show, True TV.
Guest 1:It's like a, I don't know, it's called World's Dumbest.
Guest 1:We talk about different clips, surveillance videos, and they are also working on a couple shows.
Marc:So it's like the America's Funniest Home Videos, Crime.
Yeah.
Guest 1:Yeah, kind of.
Guest 1:And also like DUIs.
Guest 1:It's all kind of like real videos, like surveillance camera kind of stuff.
Marc:Like taking people at their most vulnerable and worst, laughing at them.
Guest 1:Yes.
Marc:That's great.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:That's the spirit of where we are.
Guest 1:Do you know what's funny is that after doing those VH1 things, I felt like this was actually so much more humane in a weird way.
Guest 1:But I guess it's not.
Marc:The VH1 things being you just sitting there talking to a camera.
Guest 1:Yeah, about celebrities.
Marc:Who gives a fuck?
Marc:I don't even know how you muster up the interest to give a fuck about any of it.
Marc:I watch television.
Marc:Now there's this whole thing going on with Conan and Jay and this and that.
Marc:Every fucking show, almost every show that isn't a scripted show, just looks like people screaming desperately for people to watch them.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:Like, there's so much panic and anxiety in the faces of anyone who's driving a show that it's just like this giant cultural cry for help on almost every channel.
Guest 1:Now, does a Marc Maron watch Jersey Shore?
Marc:No.
Marc:I mean, some people find joy in doing that in sort of a condescending, kind of like, you know, I'm above it, but I can watch it because I'm above it way.
Guest 1:How about For the Love of Ray J.?
Marc:For who?
Guest 1:Wait, you really, you never even took a little peek.
Marc:At what?
Guest 1:Jersey Shore.
Marc:No, I don't, I mean, I've seen the promotional things on it and I kind of get what it is.
Marc:It's a bunch of Italian youth who act like stereotypical Italians and everybody laughs at them because they're fucking retards.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:No, I don't watch it.
Marc:Do I get the idea?
Marc:Do I need to watch it if I understand it on that level?
Guest 1:Um, no, you don't need to, but I, I mean, I do kind of enjoy these things.
Marc:Like what else do you enjoy?
Guest 1:For the love of Ray J. What is that?
Guest 1:You know, Brandy, you probably don't know any of this.
Guest 1:Brandy is a singer.
Marc:Yeah, I know her.
Marc:I know her name.
Guest 1:Okay.
Guest 1:Her brother is Ray J. He was in the Kim Kardashian sex tape.
Marc:I've heard about Kim Kardashian and the other person, the sister, the other one.
Marc:I know that a lot of people are very caught up with the Kardashians.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So Ray J is Brandi's brother who was in the Kardashian sex video.
Guest 1:Right.
Guest 1:And he does apparently have a singing career also, but I know him as those other things.
Guest 1:The guy who made love to Kim Kardashian.
Marc:Made love?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Made love?
Guest 1:I have to rewatch it, but I feel like it was pretty sensual.
Marc:Okay, all right.
Guest 1:But anyway, I don't know.
Guest 1:I kind of love him.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 1:And I love Bad Girls Club.
Guest 1:What is that?
Marc:Is this a special channel?
Guest 1:think bad girls club is on oxygen it's oxygen i'm pretty sure that's a woman's channel yeah and what is that what's bad like every girl who thinks she's the baddest bitch from her town like all put into a house together and they're usually all alcoholics and just all crazy and violent and they work through conflict conflict through getting drunk and trying to fight each other but it's basically just like the most horrible people all in one house like um
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Where do you have the time to watch this shit?
Marc:I mean, I'm fucking doing stuff all day long.
Guest 1:Like what?
Marc:What do you mean like what?
Marc:I had to schedule Chelsea Peretti to come over and talk to me in my garage.
Marc:One text.
Marc:Huh?
Marc:That's one text.
Marc:I have to do a lot of social networking.
Marc:I have to write things.
Marc:I do that too.
Marc:I do a lot of interviews.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm also running a small t-shirt business.
Guest 1:Here's the thing.
Guest 1:I watch a lot of TV online.
Guest 1:Like Bad Girls Club, I watched online.
Marc:So you call it work because it's on the computer?
Guest 1:I think it's work even on the TV.
Marc:No, I do too.
Marc:I write off my cable bill.
Guest 1:Yeah, sure.
Marc:Do you?
Guest 1:Sure, absolutely.
Marc:You have to.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Who's your accountant?
Guest 1:Harvey Altman.
Marc:Mine too.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:You didn't switch when you came out here.
Guest 1:I was wondering...
Marc:I've been with Harvey Altman for 20 years.
Marc:I'm not going to switch.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:I don't even know.
Marc:I have no idea about anything.
Marc:But I think he's legit, and he takes care of us, and I love him.
Marc:And I forget.
Marc:You know what I forget to do?
Marc:Little things like send a Christmas card, perhaps a present.
Guest 1:Oh, my God.
Guest 1:Really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I don't do it.
Guest 1:One of my friends who's an actress literally made truffles for all her agents, their assistants, and she bought expensive ribbon and she gave it to everyone.
Marc:Maybe that's why I've never go out on auditions.
Guest 1:I've never thought to do that.
Guest 1:Not that I wouldn't ever, but it's never occurred to me, let me get expensive gifts for all these different people or gifts of any kind.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:And she's also the kind of person that like walking around on set, like I visited her when she was on a TV show and she was like waving to every single person she saw.
Guest 1:Hey, Marco.
Guest 1:Hi, Sarah.
Guest 1:Hey, James.
Marc:And she works.
Guest 1:She knew every single person's name.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Frequently.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:There you go.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:See, that's the difference.
Guest 1:I don't know the names literally of friends of friends that I've seen socially for like five years.
Marc:Me neither.
Guest 1:And now it's too late.
Marc:Yeah, because how are you going to fucking get around that?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's fucking awkward.
Marc:I've known people for 20 years.
Marc:I don't know their names.
Guest 1:Isn't that fucked up?
Marc:You know what it means?
Marc:You know what we're thinking about all the time?
Guest 1:Self-involved.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:We're thinking about me.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Me.
Marc:Right now, I'm thinking about me talking to you.
Guest 1:I only learn someone's name if I'm super into them.
Marc:I have to, like, sometimes I try to even make the effort of, like, okay, remember, remember, remember.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Now, because I'm older, I get Facebooked by people or people come up to me who say that we've spent time together, and I have no fucking idea who they are.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Has that happened to you yet?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:And I also, my memory is so bad, and I wonder, does, like, ecstasy have to do with that?
Guest 1:Like, I did that a lot for a while.
Marc:I think it drains your spinal fluid.
Guest 1:Oh, so my memory should be fine.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I've got a vitamin regimen if you want.
Marc:I've actually got a bottle of something called Memory Revitalizer that I know is bullshit, but my dad says it's the best.
Guest 1:The enthusiasm in your voice.
Guest 1:I've got a vitamin regimen if you want.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I mean, I have to commit to it.
Marc:It's like I don't believe in much, so I have to choose to believe in this, and I have been feeling better.
Guest 1:I just did read an article or something that said vitamins are worthless.
Marc:Yeah, of course, everybody says that.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But I mean, so is Jesus.
Marc:So, I mean, on some level, Jesus changes lives.
Marc:So do vitamins.
Marc:It's all in how much belief you put in them.
Guest 1:Why don't you just pray every morning then?
Marc:Because it's not as fun as taking things.
Guest 1:All right.
Guest 1:Well, if you enjoy it.
Guest 1:I hate a daily routine.
Guest 1:I wish I didn't have to ever brush my teeth or floss.
Marc:How are your gums?
Guest 1:Receding.
Marc:Mine too.
Guest 1:I'm showing my teeth now.
Marc:I don't see, are they that bad?
Marc:Mine are really receding.
Marc:They've always been receding.
Marc:And now I've been recently obsessed with them.
Guest 1:Me too.
Guest 1:I'm obsessed with every failure on my body, but you know what?
Marc:You want to talk about other ones?
Marc:What else you got?
Guest 1:It's too gross and sad.
Marc:Really?
Marc:That sounds like good radio.
Guest 1:Don't you ever, especially when you're driving that, that the, the light here in California, when you're driving, if you look at yourself in the mirror, you see everything.
Marc:I know.
Guest 1:That's wrong with you.
Marc:That's what, yeah.
Marc:Even the light is stacked against us in LA.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:It's to expose your vanity.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:God designed the whole thing like that.
Guest 1:Just another beautiful day to fail in.
Marc:Yeah, exactly.
Marc:You got to change your disposition by the 28th.
Guest 1:I think I am.
Guest 1:I'm almost like having to catch up the way I talk with how I actually feel a lot more positive lately.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I feel like you are.
Marc:You're getting that LA thing where it's like, instead of divulging all the information immediately, why don't you keep a little to yourself?
Guest 1:No, actually, I've always been that way.
Guest 1:Like where I felt like when I was young, I used to tell everyone everything.
Guest 1:And then as I got older, I'm like, okay, I'm going to keep more to myself.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 1:So now I feel like I'm much more open.
Guest 1:Like I've just decided, ah, fuck it.
Guest 1:Like if I used to have a project in the works, like I never would have told anyone about it.
Guest 1:And now I'm just like, who cares?
Yeah.
Marc:Why not tell them?
Guest 1:Yeah, because I used to be like, if it doesn't go, I don't want anyone to ask me about it at a party and then I'll be bummed out.
Guest 1:Like now I'm just like, who cares?
Marc:Sometimes you got to throw your chips on the table.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, I don't talk about it unless like, you know, I'm getting that vibe from the person sort of like when they ask you, you know, so what's going on with you?
Marc:And they're really saying failure.
Guest 1:Yeah, what's your resume?
Guest 1:And I really have had this fantasy for a while of printing up a bullet point list of what's going on in my career.
Guest 1:So when I go to parties, I have these little slips that I can just hand to people.
Marc:Oh, why don't you get a tattoo of it somewhere?
Guest 1:Well, because it's evolving constantly.
Marc:You can just add to tattoos.
Marc:Make a sleeve of your resume.
Guest 1:I don't know if I'm that.
Marc:Do you do tattoos?
Marc:Do you have one?
Marc:No.
Marc:Yeah, me neither.
Guest 1:I think it's disappointing to people.
Marc:You think it's disappointing to other people?
Marc:I never know what the fuck you would put on yourself.
Guest 1:I just feel like I'm so cool.
Marc:I can barely live with my fucking nose.
Guest 1:Were we talking noses?
Marc:No.
Guest 1:Is it time to throw my hat in the ring?
Marc:No, I like my nose.
Marc:I just use that as a point.
Marc:If I put a tattoo on, that means I've got to live with it like something that's always on my body.
Marc:You and I have a similar nose.
Guest 1:Really?
Guest 1:I feel like yours is better.
Marc:No.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:I took my glasses off.
Guest 1:No.
Marc:And she laughed.
Marc:And you said no.
Guest 1:I know.
Guest 1:I was just laughing at your no.
Guest 1:I always think everyone's is better.
Guest 1:I just stare at people with small noses and I marvel and I think, God, your life must be so easy.
Marc:Really?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Girls with small noses, I will stare at them and stare at their profile like, oh, what an easy laugh and a small nose.
Guest 1:Your life must be so easy.
Marc:But maybe there's nothing behind that nose.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Zero.
Marc:But you're one of those people where you hang out for a little while, which we're doing right now, and you become more attractive as each second goes by.
Guest 1:Thank you.
Guest 1:I think that's a compliment.
Marc:Like, here, let me see if I can really blow some smoke up your ass.
Marc:Like, look, I had no idea who Chelsea Peretti was.
Marc:And I worked with her one night in a little club in New York.
Marc:And I was like, wow, this woman is going to be fucking huge.
Guest 1:What?
Marc:No, I'm just.
Guest 1:This is just you figuring out like a great compliment.
Guest 1:I was seriously ready to be like, what club?
Guest 1:I don't remember this.
Marc:Don't you remember that gig we did down in the basement of fucking... Gotham.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 1:Yes.
Guest 1:I was just telling you.
Guest 1:That was like one of those... It was actually a life changer.
Marc:How so?
Guest 1:Because it was you, Geraldo, and Quinn.
Marc:For 20 people.
Guest 1:And me.
Guest 1:And you guys were all being just so instructional about the failures I had ahead in life.
Guest 1:Oh, no.
Guest 2:No.
Guest 1:Because I was doing material about how my little boyfriend wasn't working out, and then you guys were doing material about how your marriages didn't work out.
Guest 1:So it was like, oh, this is instructional.
Guest 1:That's where I'll be shortly.
Marc:No, you don't have to go that route.
Marc:Save me.
Marc:You have a choice.
Marc:You're at a crossroads.
Marc:You can choose to suck it all in.
Marc:The too much information thing, that's always going to be ... That'll sink you in this business.
Marc:The example ... What do I know about it?
Marc:I've been flying my own ship forever.
Marc:It's a faulty vessel.
Marc:But like you were saying about that girl who sends truffles and says hi to everybody.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That counts for fucking everything in Hollywood because Hollywood is really just 10, 15, maybe 20 people that constantly call each other on the phone.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So if you don't send truffles, then they're like, as opposed to like, I got nothing from Chelsea Peretti.
Marc:I don't even think she knows my name.
Guest 1:Did you do it this Christmas?
Guest 1:Did you give anyone presents?
Marc:No, and I got none.
Marc:I gave my mailman a bottle of tequila, and I gave the girl I'm dating some pottery.
Guest 1:Pottery?
Marc:She's groovy.
Marc:No, my friend's wife makes beautiful pottery, so I got her a thing, and I got her... Are you drawn to hippie-ish type people?
Marc:No, but I have a hippie in me trying to get out, and he surfaces occasionally.
Marc:No, I'm drawn to anybody that has no boundaries and might be crazy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And yeah, that's it.
Guest 1:I think a lot of comedians are into that.
Marc:It's just the way I'm wired.
Marc:But oh, here's what I was going to say about that.
Marc:Because like I learned a big lesson from my father and he didn't mean to teach me.
Marc:And I was with him in New Mexico.
Marc:And this is what I grew up with.
Marc:We were at a coffee shop and some guy comes up to my father and says, oh my God, Dr. Marin, right?
Marc:It's me, Bill.
Marc:I don't think I've seen you for 15 years.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:And my dad looks at this guy and says, well, the money's running out and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do with myself.
Marc:That's what he said to the guy.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:That right there is basically like self-pity.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Projected onto somebody else.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:There's nowhere to go with that conversation.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 1:For all that guy knew, he has a doctor in his title.
Guest 1:That's all that guy needed to know.
Marc:Right.
Marc:So like once you start doing that sort of like, you know.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:that there's a little thing inside of us is just sort of like, help me, make me feel better.
Marc:Are you my mommy?
Guest 1:I totally, I mean, that's what I said about feeling like I'm becoming a little more positive.
Guest 1:I think that stuff is really self-destructive.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 1:But it is like bonding.
Guest 1:If I meet a confident person, I'm like you, I'm just searching for where they're not confident so I can relate to them.
Marc:Where's the Achilles heel?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:How can I hurt this person when necessary?
Yeah.
Guest 1:Yeah, or just are they human?
Guest 1:If someone just seems really together and confident, I'm like, come on.
Marc:That can't be true.
Marc:You don't deserve that.
Marc:I know your resume.
Marc:There's no way you can be that confident.
Marc:How are you even talented with that much confidence?
Guest 1:Yeah, that whole thing.
Guest 1:And even Mary J. Blige, when she got her life together, her happy music, I just wasn't into it as much.
Marc:Yeah, but I'm sure she's not upset that she might have lost a few fans.
Guest 1:I guess.
Marc:No, I agree with you.
Marc:See, that's the whole thing that I'm trying to learn.
Marc:You seem to be doing it because you're organizing evening walks.
Marc:Every interaction you have with everybody does not have to be so fucking deep that they walk away feeling exhausted.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:That's definitely true.
Guest 1:I think you have to pick the people that you're vulnerable with.
Marc:That you're going to exhaust?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:No, no, not exhaust.
Guest 1:I mean, you have all kinds of resources to deal with your emotional problems.
Guest 1:But you have the few friends that you trust with your personal life.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, I'm glad we got that figured out.
Marc:I feel like this is a date.
Guest 1:Oh, God.
Marc:Am I projecting?
Marc:All right.
Marc:So, not really.
Marc:LAUGHTER
Guest 1:Some of these facial expressions, amazing.
Marc:Mine?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Because you just hooked up like... How am I fucking this up?
Marc:So what are you doing now?
Marc:What's going to happen?
Guest 1:I was thinking about getting massages later, but... You get massages?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Happy endings?
Guest 1:No.
Guest 1:Do they have those for girls?
Guest 1:I think they do, but... Really?
Guest 1:I don't know.
Marc:You would know?
Marc:Mm-mm.
Marc:No?
Marc:Mm-mm.
Marc:I've never done that.
Guest 1:I mean, I'm amazed because every comedian, like I, you know, even the comedians that you think are sweet guys, like one of them just came up to me at like backstage and was like, I'm getting so into happy endings.
Guest 1:And I'm like, all right, there's no one innocent in this whole entire industry.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I was never, I don't, uh, no, I don't do that.
Marc:I don't do the pay for sex of any kind thing.
Guest 1:That's great, Mark.
Marc:It's not a moral thing.
Marc:To me, it's an awkward situation.
Marc:I have to believe that somebody likes me.
Guest 1:But you've never tried it.
Marc:I understand the logic behind it.
Marc:I didn't for a while.
Guest 1:I went to strip clubs in which I finally started understanding why this is totally appealing.
Guest 1:You just pay this hot girl money and she acts like she's so into you and stares in your eyes and shakes her tits in your face.
Guest 1:It's like...
Marc:If they're good and you believe it, it's a good 15 minutes or however long that goes on for.
Marc:But you can't get emotionally invested.
Marc:That's a problem.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Well, it's interesting because they're different.
Guest 1:Each of them is different how they do it.
Guest 1:Some of them are just hot, but they don't have the vibes right.
Marc:Right.
Marc:They got to work on their vibes.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:They're not delivering the full package.
Guest 1:Their stripper vibe is kind of weak.
Right.
Marc:Well, no, I think it's the same thing with the, with the hooker thing is that like, I understand why someone would want to have sex with somebody that they pay and then it's done.
Marc:You know, there's no repercussions.
Marc:There's no call later.
Marc:There's no, you know, it's.
Guest 1:But what about diseases?
Guest 1:That's my main, like, I think like, I always think about like the free love era and like, you know, it seems great, but I just think of diseases, diseases, diseases.
Marc:Well, the free love era, the diseases were more manageable.
Marc:And I think that a lot of people during that time got plenty of diseases.
Marc:They just weren't deadly.
Marc:They were dealable with a shot of penicillin or some antibiotics.
Marc:Or you just had to not fuck for a week or two every so often because something came out of you.
Marc:But yeah, once things became deadly, it sort of changed the game.
Guest 1:A baby is what you were talking about, right?
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:No, I was talking about herpes or warts, but yeah, babies.
Marc:That was an issue.
Marc:Your parents weren't hippies?
Guest 1:Not really.
Guest 1:They were both at UC Berkeley, but both of them say they weren't deep into the hippie mix.
Marc:Well, that's where it all got fucked up in San Francisco.
Marc:That's when the summer of love turned into Speed Freak Central and everything went downhill.
Marc:Then Manson cut some people up and the hippie thing was done.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Culturally, Manson put the lid on that fucking party.
Marc:So I think we've covered a lot.
Marc:What about chick comics?
Marc:I mean, women comics.
Guest 1:What about them?
Marc:You're one of them.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:And there's not, I don't know how to approach this.
Guest 1:Mark, are women funny?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Deeply.
Guest 1:That was my favorite question when people start asking that.
Marc:Well, there's an idea that, you know, that whole notion, I don't believe.
Marc:That, like, you know, there was a period in, back in, before we started letting girls in, that, you know, everyone's like, well, chicks just aren't funny.
Marc:You know, it's all about the period.
Guest 1:It's one of those weird things, actually, where it's like, like, you know, sometimes you, I guess it's like stereotypes.
Guest 1:There's always some element of truth to things.
Guest 1:You know what I mean?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:But at the same time, it is kind of ridiculous, too.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Like, I can go, yeah, there's not a ton of female comics.
Guest 1:Like, there's a lot of male comics that I love and look up to.
Guest 1:But then when I think about it, there are a lot of women that really make me laugh.
Marc:Like, it's not... I think it's a tougher road.
Marc:And I think that they have to work harder.
Marc:And they have to play... In order for a woman to make the stage her own, it's a longer... It's a tougher... Yeah, sure, because you have to decorate.
Guest 1:You have to put down, like, you know, pink carpeting.
Marc:Well, you just have to deal with even women in the audience.
Marc:I think, by and large, comedy was built on that whole lens is male.
Marc:Yeah, leather suits.
Marc:You have to entertain men and women with men.
Marc:But that has sort of changed.
Marc:And there are comics.
Marc:There are certain comics that do it just like men.
Marc:And then there are certain comics that make their woman-ness funny.
Guest 1:You know, between you and me, I put a sock in my underwear before I go on stage.
Marc:I was wondering about that.
Guest 1:Just because it makes me feel stronger comedically.
Marc:And it's an interesting look.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, because at first I was like, she must not shave at all, which I respected, but then I'm like, she's got a cock.
Guest 1:Yeah, it looked kind of dense.
Marc:Yeah, and so that's what it is.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:All right, well, that's a secret I think we should have gotten out at the beginning of the interview, but I'm glad it took this long to get there.
Marc:You must feel comfortable.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:What else do you do?
Guest 1:I fake shave.
Guest 1:I fake shave a fake beard.
Guest 1:And I slap aftershave on.
Marc:Uh-huh.
Marc:That's what that smell is.
Marc:That's why you can't smell the cat pee in here.
Guest 1:Sometimes I'll just do a really deep voice and be like, let's do this!
Guest 1:And stuff like that before I go on stage.
Marc:Do you high-five some dudes when you're walking up to the stage or off the stage?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Do some high-fiving?
Guest 2:Fist pump.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, good.
Marc:Good stuff.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:Cool.
Marc:There are chicks that I really like.
Marc:I think Maria Bamford is one of the best comics working.
Marc:I've always liked Caroline Ray.
Marc:I like Janine.
Marc:I like Sarah.
Marc:I like Laurie Kilmartin.
Marc:I like...
Marc:paul poundstone i liked her for a while and then i kind of went you know and then she you know she and then something happened and now you know i can listen to her i think she's a funny commentator more than a stand-up these days but early on when she liked her first special with the ringdings yes i hadn't seen her that much actually i but i started watching her on youtube and i saw some of her old stuff and great and like how the crowd work and stuff was fun to watch
Marc:Yeah, no, she definitely had a point of view and a whole thing going.
Marc:Let's do this, because I never do this.
Guest 1:Oh, man.
Marc:What?
Marc:It's easy.
Marc:It's just I don't do it because it's sort of like cheesy.
Marc:Like, who inspired you to do comedy?
Marc:Who are your comedy heroes?
Guest 1:So, I mean, a lot of my comic heroes...
Guest 1:Not all of them are stand-ups.
Guest 1:I really liked Monty Python, for example.
Guest 1:I like Christopher Guest, Ricky Gervais.
Guest 2:Really?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:I mean, I've always enjoyed stuff like that.
Guest 1:I used to do improv in college, and then I started doing stand-up when I graduated.
Guest 1:I like Bill Hicks.
Guest 1:I know you said that you never listen to Bill Hicks or something.
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:I love Bill Hicks, but there was a period there...
Marc:Where, like, I knew him, I'd watch him.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:But because we talked about similar things and he was, he had such a contagious delivery system.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:That I found it, I shouldn't listen to him because I didn't want to appropriate.
Marc:Like, because there was a period there where everyone was doing Hicks.
Marc:You see it in comedy.
Marc:There was a period where everyone was doing a tell.
Marc:Then there was a few Todd Berries.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:And then, like, then all of a sudden there were Hedbergs everywhere.
Guest 1:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:And, uh, and I just, I, what I, I like to watch people.
Marc:I usually like to watch my peers and I, I don't, you know, if I really like somebody, you know, who is not in my peer group or is on records, you know, I'll temper how much I engage with it because you don't want to, you know, absorb.
Guest 1:Yeah, well, that's what I don't fully understand about.
Guest 1:Like, I know a lot of comedians that like are, you know, watch everything that each other does and watch everything online and watch everything that every comedian has ever done.
Guest 1:Like, I don't know.
Guest 1:I don't really do that.
Marc:I don't either.
Marc:I don't deal with a lot of things.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because I want to have my own ideas.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:I mean, I think that can be a strength and a weakness.
Guest 1:But I definitely, I mean, I think in terms of stand-ups, a lot of the people that I love are people that are more contemporary, that I saw in New York, a lot of New York stand-ups.
Guest 1:Like Bill Burr, I love.
Guest 1:Jim Norton, I think, is really funny.
Guest 1:Louis C.K.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Colin Quinn.
Guest 1:Yep.
Guest 1:You know, Geraldo.
Guest 1:There's people out there that I watched a lot.
Guest 1:And then there's also, you know, people from like the Invite Them Up and that kind of a scene.
Marc:The groovy scene.
Marc:The hipster scene.
Guest 1:Yeah, that I loved watching, too.
Marc:The nerd cock scene.
Marc:Yeah, no, I agree with you.
Marc:I tend to, like, if people ask me who my favorite comics are, I'll go to my peers first, because the old guys are always the old guys.
Marc:Everyone's got their old guys.
Guest 1:Yeah, everyone's going to say prior.
Guest 1:I mean, how interesting is that as an answer?
Marc:That said, who are your old guys?
Marc:You like British humor.
Guest 1:Yes, I do.
Guest 1:Oh, I love Steve Coogan.
Guest 1:I am in love.
Guest 1:Alan Partridge, that character is the best thing in life.
Guest 1:You're like an Anglophile on top of everything else.
Marc:You're educated at Barnard, and you're an Anglophile, and you're this...
Guest 1:A little bit.
Guest 1:I mean, I went to school in England in my junior year, and I saw Ali G there.
Guest 1:And my English friends were really into Ali G, and I loved it.
Guest 1:And I had already loved Monty Python.
Marc:Well, he's like a very gifted man.
Guest 1:Yeah, but so are Monty Python.
Marc:But see, I love Monty Python.
Marc:I've watched a lot of Monty Python.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And I find them very funny and brilliant and everything that everyone says about them.
Marc:But do they make me laugh from my guts?
Guest 1:What about the Holy Grail, though?
Guest 1:Yeah, there's some great stuff in there.
Marc:There's no doubt about that.
Guest 1:The main thing I can say is Holy Grail.
Guest 1:Recently, I was watching some more sketches on YouTube, and I'm amazed.
Guest 1:A lot of them are six, seven, eight minutes long.
Guest 1:It's crazy.
Guest 1:It's changed.
Yeah.
Marc:Right.
Marc:I mean, I definitely was influenced, not influenced by them, but I was entertained by them.
Marc:I was never a sketch guy.
Marc:I never really thought about doing sketch.
Marc:I never really thought that deeply about working with a group of people.
Marc:So I was always more moved by stand-up personalities, but I definitely respect them.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:You know who else I love is Joan Rivers.
Guest 1:I knew her from my generation as just the annoying red carpet lady.
Guest 1:And I went and saw her in New York a bunch of times, and I just fell in love with her.
Guest 1:I love watching her do stand-up.
Guest 1:Have you seen her?
Marc:Yeah, very persistent.
Guest 1:I mean...
Guest 1:What does that mean?
Marc:Well, I mean, she's like a, she's like an animal up there.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, she goes after it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And, and there's, and she's relentless.
Guest 1:She is.
Guest 1:She does not care if her audience is not into it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 1:And that is something that I love.
Marc:Oh, when you first see that and you realize you, you have, you have the freedom to do that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That's a gift.
Guest 1:No.
Guest 1:And she was doing, I think she did an hour and she is what, how old is she?
Guest 1:She, no one knows it's vaulted information, but she's probably 8,000 years old.
Marc:How about contemporaries?
Marc:I mean, I love Joan Rivers, but like, are there people that other comedians like, like Tina Fey, she's big woman comic.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:You like her?
Guest 1:Yeah, I do.
Marc:But like, do you like, like, she's great.
Marc:I wish I had her career.
Marc:She's so talented.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Who else?
Guest 1:I mean, I interned at Saturday Night Live and I remember Tina Fey, like, I remember being like, oh, she's a writer here and you know, whatever.
Guest 1:And you know, I had no idea obviously that her career would.
Marc:You interned at Saturday Night Live?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:so you're a very ambitious focused person in some ways i'm not gonna buy this weird sort of like you know i don't know what's going on 1999 is when i interned you were still in school yeah my junior year how was that for you awesome did you enjoy although did you have interactions with lauren michaels i was an intern in his office which in some ways i kind of regret like i think being an intern in the writer's room would have been did he get creepy
Guest 1:No, he barely ever talked to me.
Guest 1:He would pop his head out of the door.
Guest 1:He had three blonde assistants and then I was the intern.
Guest 1:So it was like that order of interest.
Marc:There's that pyramid.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's a very short pyramid and you were at the bottom.
Guest 1:No, I was standing to the side of the pyramid, bringing water to the pyramid people.
Guest 1:But yeah, and so I would put Amstel lights in his fridge and that was kind of the most interaction I had with an object in his office.
Marc:But you grew to... So what year was that?
Marc:So Tina Fey was just not there that long yet, right?
Guest 1:I don't really know because I wasn't in that room.
Guest 1:I just remember seeing her and going, oh, there's a woman writer.
Marc:Are you a person that reads comedy autobiography?
Marc:Yes.
Guest 1:Like I read the SNL one.
Guest 1:I read a lot of Lenny Bruce ones when I started doing stand-up.
Guest 1:what how to talk dirty and influence people yeah that's a good book yeah i don't read them i i like everyone was raving about steve martin's book i loved it it made me cry really yes should i read it i think you should i didn't read i didn't watch the movie comedian i read kathy griffin's book recently i also watched comedian which i thought was great kathy uh kathy griffin's book was amazingly really good really yeah why
Guest 1:I don't know.
Guest 1:I feel like she's really honest.
Guest 1:I mean, I think it's funny to say that about someone you don't know, because how do you know if they're being honest?
Guest 1:But I read it and I felt like she she very much was like open.
Guest 1:And I thought it was I think it's interesting how people's lives shape along.
Guest 1:Like you see the process.
Marc:I remember her when she started or when she was around.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:The gang.
Guest 1:I didn't know she started in improv.
Guest 1:I just assumed, you know, you see someone as a stand-up, you assume that's where they started.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 1:And so I didn't know she was, like, doing little shows.
Guest 1:Like, it reminded me of the show Variety Shack that I do in New York, where it's like she sounded like she was doing little shows with, like, Janine Garofalo.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Back when they had Luna Park, there was the Uncabaret that they did.
Marc:And when Largo was in its infancy, she was around.
Marc:I remember doing Aspen Comedy Festival with her in 95 and us having a fight about something.
Guest 1:You don't remember what?
Marc:No, I know what it was.
Marc:Oh.
Marc:She used to do this bit where I was such a douche.
Guest 1:You thought she was stealing your bit or something?
Marc:No, but she used to do this bit like where she'd rip her shirt open at the end as a closer going like, is this what you want?
Marc:And like, even though it was, I don't remember what the angle was, but it was mocking the idea that she would do that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But in my mind, she was still using her tits to get a laugh.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Did she have a great pair of tits?
Marc:It wasn't the point.
Marc:To me, for some reason, I said something that despite the fact that you're deconstructing comedy or performance, you're still using your tits to get the laugh.
Guest 1:And she was mad that you said that.
Marc:I believe that we had a feud, but I don't think it registered to her that way at all because I saw her later and she had no recollection of it.
Marc:And she's always been nice to me since then.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:See, that was my drama in my head.
Marc:I built this idea that like, oh, her and I?
Marc:Right.
Marc:There's a lot of tension there.
Marc:And she's like, I don't even talk to that guy.
Marc:I have no idea what he's talking about.
Marc:That's funny.
Marc:I keep these things going in my head.
Guest 1:Yeah, why not?
Marc:Well, because it's draining and stupid.
Guest 1:Oh, right, right.
Marc:So, well, that's good.
Marc:So you did some reading.
Guest 1:Yeah, I like doing reading.
Guest 1:This is the thing is like, I don't really have a favorite comedian.
Guest 1:Like I have people that don't you have like comedians where you like maybe don't think they're funny exactly, but you're glad they exist.
Guest 1:Like you go, oh, if this person can do it.
Marc:I think I'm one of those people for a lot of people.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:But I think that's really true.
Guest 1:There's a whole genre of comedians where you go, I'm just glad this person exists.
Guest 1:And I like people that are personal and talk about things, but if everyone was, it would be really annoying.
Marc:Right.
Marc:If everybody was like you, that would be horrible.
Guest 1:Right.
Guest 1:So I feel like I like different comedians for different reasons and different people.
Guest 1:You know, Lenny Bruce, I read those books early on in comedy.
Guest 1:I would never say if someone's like, who's your favorite comedian?
Guest 1:I wouldn't say Lenny Bruce.
Guest 1:But reading about his whole journey in life.
Marc:That would sound so affected if you did that.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:But you know what?
Guest 1:I feel like there's a right answer when people go, who's your favorite comedian?
Guest 1:And I feel like the right answer is Pryor and Woody Allen.
Guest 1:Right.
Guest 1:I mean, who else?
Guest 1:I feel like those are the two people.
Marc:It really depends what generation you're talking about.
Marc:You know, I mean, I would think that you would get a lot of people who are a little younger than you even who would say Hedberg.
Marc:I think you'd get a lot of people that would say a tell.
Marc:I would think that a lot of people don't even have Richard Pryor in perspective anymore.
Marc:Lenny Bruce is way out of our context.
Marc:So to say that, it would be affected only in the sense that he's difficult.
Marc:He's difficult to understand.
Marc:He's difficult to know what the fuck he was talking about.
Marc:You have to do a lot of reading about the time he lived in to really put him into any sort of context.
Guest 1:Yeah, although some of his more outrageous jokes, I mean... They're great, yeah.
Guest 1:They really stand up where you just even can read them and go, oh my God, I can't imagine...
Guest 1:Having the balls.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:The guy putting his mother on the plane with the bomb is a great joke.
Marc:I mean, there are jokes that are just tasteless and beautiful that stand the test of time.
Guest 1:And then just that wasn't he just reading legal documents on stage at the end?
Guest 1:Like I just kind of sad.
Marc:You can actually see tape of that.
Guest 1:But that is kind of funny at the same time.
Guest 1:I mean, being that I wasn't there for it.
Guest 1:It's kind of a funny ending to a career.
Marc:Well, that was the crashing of the wave.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:But yeah, he'd done some stuff.
Marc:And I think that early on, the thing that's interesting about him is that without him, you don't really get Richard Pryor in the form that he eventually took.
Marc:I believe, it's my own belief, that you can listen to really early Richard Pryor records.
Marc:Like when he first started doing the cultural...
Marc:tension material and i can hear him almost with a yiddish cadence because of how he lifted that the drive of lenny but then i feel like didn't i didn't lenny bruce lift his whole yiddish thing from his friend who was more jewish than he was that's probably true i mean i i believe that but you can't deny lenny bruce like every behind any genius there's some guy going that guy stole that from me yeah yeah
Marc:Always.
Marc:It's just the way it goes.
Marc:But I think that his freedom of mind, like certainly on the Carnegie Hall concert or the Berklee concert, where you've got to listen to the whole... It's like being in class if you want to follow the fucking guy.
Guest 1:And then there's people like Gilda Radner, for example.
Guest 1:She's someone who I always thought was really funny as a kid.
Marc:Yeah, and that's one of the ones.
Marc:She should be one of the ones.
Guest 1:She's someone you don't actually so much hear people's sight anymore.
Guest 1:But I do feel like when I was younger, people always talked about her.
Marc:There's some good comic actresses around.
Marc:Julia Louis-Dreyfus is fucking genius.
Guest 1:Yeah, I like her.
Marc:She's fucking great.
Guest 1:What's her face?
Guest 1:O'Hara.
Marc:Oh, she's brilliant.
Marc:Hilaria.
Marc:Yeah, she's amazing.
Guest 1:But I do.
Guest 1:And Amy Poehler, I love.
Guest 1:Sarah, I love.
Guest 1:And then there's also, of course, I'm learning L.A.
Guest 1:people because it's weird.
Guest 1:You don't always know a lot of L.A.
Guest 1:people if you stay in New York the whole time.
Marc:Also, I used to know everybody.
Marc:Now there's so many thousands of comics.
Marc:I don't fucking know anybody.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:But there are some younger people that are very funny these days that I've grown to like.
Marc:Kyle Kinane I had on the show.
Guest 1:I know everyone loves Kyle.
Guest 1:I haven't seen him that much.
Marc:I actually don't think I've ever seen him.
Marc:I like him because he's a storyteller and he's one of those guys that just the personality he has normally is just a perfect sort of cranky stage personality.
Marc:I like cranks and you can't manufacture it.
Marc:No.
Guest 1:The worst is when you see a comic who's trying out ranting where you feel like, oh, are you trying ranting?
Guest 1:Yeah.
Guest 1:Did you have a pretty easy childhood, but you feel like trying it?
Guest 1:And you're just like, oh, God, I know you're not outraged right now.
Guest 1:I know it.
Guest 1:I just think it would be fun to try that out.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But the crank is hard because Letterman's like a crank, and there's a few people that are cranks.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:where it's not anger.
Marc:It's just like, oh, well.
Marc:Oh, I see.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Like cantankerous, not like fucking livid.
Guest 1:Yeah, fuck the world.
Marc:Right.
Marc:No, they're just sort of like, oh, this is going to be.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And it's a rare comic persona, and there's not that many around.
Marc:But there's some people that just have it naturally, and Kyle's got it naturally.
Marc:Dave Anthony was another guy that had it naturally.
Marc:They're kind of resigned to this, like, oh, we're fucked.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, I love that.
Guest 1:Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
Marc:All right, so you got to go?
Marc:You got to call?
Marc:I have to pee.
Marc:You got to pee.
Marc:I think that's a good way to end it.
Guest 1:Yeah.
Marc:Do you want to pee in my house?
Marc:Preferably, yes.
Guest 1:You just want to pee in the garage right the cat.
Guest 1:It's kind of a long drive home.
Guest 1:It's not too intrusive.
Guest 1:I would love to.
Marc:Chelsea Peretti, thank you for doing this.
Guest 1:Thank you.
Marc:Okay, that's our show, folks.
Marc:Thank you for being here.
Marc:As always, I want to thank Chelsea Peretti for being on.
Marc:I think that went well.
Marc:I think we're going to be okay.
Marc:I like her.
Marc:I hope she likes me.
Marc:And as always, for anything comedy related, go to punchlinemagazine.com and get what you need.
Marc:They got it all.
Marc:They got videos.
Marc:They got news.
Marc:They got breaking news.
Marc:They got...
Marc:reviews you know do that and please go to wtfpod.com hopefully by the time you're hearing this the nerd talk the nerd cock shirts will arrive I don't know why I keep talking about these nerd cock shirts like everybody's asking me about the nerd cock shirts when are they coming
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Marc:Make a donation if you'd like because we want to keep this listener supported.
Marc:Please, big round of applause for Brendan P.W.
Marc:McDonald at the board with the knobs making this thing happen on the East Coast.
Marc:And, oh, one other thing.
Marc:January 22nd, UCB Theater, live WTF, 8 p.m., Jeff Garland, Jimmy Pardo, Kate Micucci, Jim Earl, Eddie Pepitone,
Marc:Better make that happen.
Marc:Los Angeles dot UCB theater dot com.
Marc:I think you might want to check that out.
Marc:My head's a mess.
Marc:Take care.
you