Episode 368 - Leslie Jones
Guest:Lock the gates!
Marc:Alright, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fuck nicks?
Marc:What the fuck a pinos?
Marc:The what the fuck me's.
Marc:You, of course.
Marc:The what the fuck me's.
Marc:Fuck me.
Marc:How good does that sound rolling off the tongue?
Marc:I'm sorry, people who are driving their kids.
Marc:Fuck me.
Marc:Sorry.
Marc:Sorry.
Marc:It's so catchy for a small child to pick that up and spit it right back in your face.
Marc:I apologize.
Marc:Maybe I should just not do that at all.
Marc:Maybe I should get rid of all the fucks on the show entirely so I can be more family friendly.
Marc:So you parents can listen to this inside the car when you're trying to ignore your children.
Marc:Maybe I should be more considerate of you.
Marc:I'll think about that.
Marc:I'll jot it down here on a piece of paper and I'll make note that perhaps the fuck is out.
Marc:Out with fuck.
Marc:Right?
Marc:Okay.
Marc:That said, amazing guest today, Leslie Jones, an incredibly funny, aggressive, interesting comedian.
Marc:This story...
Marc:When we talked, it was one of those stories where just her ambition and her desire to be a comic I found to be incredibly compelling and sort of her journey was very astounding to me in a lot of ways.
Marc:And I think you'll dig that.
Marc:Also, my book, Attempting Normal, out at the end of April, is available for pre-order, and I'd like you to do that.
Marc:If you'd like my book, Attempting Normal, by Marc Maron, which will be available in an e-book, an enhanced e-book, and an audio book, eventually, is now available for pre-order in a hardcover edition.
Marc:You can go to Amazon.
Marc:You can go to Powell's.
Marc:Try your favorite bookseller online.
Marc:Look up Attempting Normal by Marc Maron and pre-order that.
Marc:iTunes is another place.
Marc:I know the publisher gave me one link where you go to their page and then you can link to whatever you want.
Marc:That's probably a smart way to do it.
Marc:Probably be an easier way for me to do it, but I'm not doing it that way.
Marc:So look, I just got back from dinner.
Marc:I went to a vegan restaurant.
Marc:Oh my God.
Marc:I went to a vegan restaurant.
Marc:As you know, Jessica's vegetarian, but not vegan.
Marc:But we look for these options.
Marc:Usually what you do is you find a restaurant that we both like and we look at the menu and she says, oh yeah, there's plenty of stuff I can eat.
Marc:But today I believe I suggested that we go to the vegan restaurant.
Marc:And to be quite honest with you, it's always just okay.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right, the best vegan restaurant possible is only going to be okay.
Marc:You know why?
Marc:Because it's fucking vegan, all right?
Marc:And in my mind, it's like, don't call it a burger.
Marc:How about not calling it a chicken?
Marc:How about we don't call it a buffalo wings style?
Marc:It's not.
Marc:It's some sort of like compacted gluten, clay.
Marc:I don't know what it is, but it's like, I think they do a disservice to themselves by trying to aspire to
Marc:to uh what they're pretending to be just call it what it is just call it seitan or wheat goo uh or or something whatever the hell it is tempeh and i got no problem with it i can eat it but if you're gonna put it on the menu as cheesecake and there's no dairy in it it's not cheesecake and you take a bite and all you can the best you can say is like yeah i get it it seems it's kind of like it but it's not good and
Marc:But if you just say this is fake cheese, agar, agar, gelatinous goo cake that's not made with any eggs or anything tasty or fatty that would make it really rich and delicious, then you should just have some honesty in the menu.
Marc:I'm just saying that...
Marc:If you're not a vegan and you're deciding that you're going to go to the vegan place and they've got cheesecake, the best that can happen is you like take a bite and go, yeah, I mean, it's not fucking cheesecake, but I mean, I guess it'll work if this is the kind of thing that you want to stay away from.
Marc:If you're terrified of cheesecake for whatever reasons or you're ideologically opposed to consuming something amazing and you'll just have to make do, maybe that's what they should call a vegan restaurant.
Marc:Make do.
Marc:What do you think of that?
Marc:Come on.
Marc:Okay, strap in.
Marc:Leslie Jones is about to enter.
Marc:She's got great stories, man.
Marc:She's the real deal.
Marc:She's the real deal.
Marc:So let's talk to Leslie Jones.
Marc:Yeah, I mean, it's weird because I've only met you maybe once.
Guest:Yeah, and I don't even remember when that was, but we have met.
Marc:I met you at that commercial we did.
Marc:We taped that commercial at the Laugh Factory or whatever.
Marc:Remember when we had a read from the divorce law or some shit?
Marc:You remember?
Guest:Hilarious.
Marc:Right.
Guest:I don't even remember.
Guest:That was a health care thing.
Guest:I think it was a health care thing.
Marc:Right, so I met you then, and then I watched your stuff on the YouTube, and I talked to Al about it.
Marc:I just didn't know.
Marc:And you work at the comedy store, too.
Guest:All the time.
Guest:And the stuff, when people say they see me on YouTube, I always be like, oh, please come and see the new stuff.
Guest:Because that's just, you know what I'm saying?
Guest:I mean, I understand that they enjoy that, which is great, because that was a part of who I was.
Guest:But I feel like I'm so much more, like I talk about stuff that make, you know, I'm not saying I wasn't.
Marc:We all grow.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I've grown.
Marc:That's a good word.
Guest:I'm going to use that.
Marc:But how long you been out here?
Guest:Man, that's crazy.
Guest:I came out here in 82 as a child.
Marc:As a child.
Guest:With my family.
Marc:From where?
Guest:Memphis, Tennessee.
Marc:Wow.
Guest:My dad was an electronic engineer.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And he came to work at KJLH with Stevie Wonder for his radio station.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:right so when i came out here i went to high school went to linwood high school i went to linwood high school with suge knight yeah yeah yeah so i went to high school out here and then um i ended up playing basketball and then going to college yeah in colorado yeah where in colorado uh fort collins oh that's a good place yeah i had a full scholarship and that's where i started doing comedy wait now let's go back so do you remember when did you leave memphis
Guest:Oh, I left Memphis when I was 14.
Marc:Do you remember Memphis?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:This is a pretty good city, man.
Guest:Man, when we were there, it was awesome.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It was where I was born.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was where I came up.
Guest:All my friends were there.
Guest:I knew all the high school.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was awesome.
Guest:And then we had seasons.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Guest:Does that make sense?
Guest:When I came out here to California, I was a country bumpkin.
Guest:Really?
Guest:No, I really was.
Guest:And I did not understand because I was popular in Memphis.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because I was on the basketball team and I was fun and I was, you know, everybody knew my dad because he worked at the local radio station.
Guest:I was the shit.
Guest:right yeah yeah of course okay yeah no we're not live and we can say whatever we want here yeah yeah i was the shit in memphis so when i moved out here to california i was a fucking hillbilly and it was a nightmare but you live right in the city of memphis i mean or did you live in it we lived in fraser we lived in fraser um fraser county yeah which to me was the main i mean germantown and all that was the bougie at the time but like now if you go back germantown is not yeah
Guest:It's somewhere else now.
Marc:Do you still have family back there?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:All my family.
Guest:Well, my mom, my dad, and my brother are past.
Guest:But my grandmother, my aunts, my cousins, all of them live in Memphis.
Guest:So you go back?
Guest:Yes, once in a while.
Guest:Yes, I do.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I talk to people from the South, and I find it fascinating for some reason because I don't condescend it because I've been there.
Marc:I've been to Nashville.
Marc:I work in North Carolina next week.
Marc:I mean, I go down there.
Marc:But there's something about it.
Marc:They're stuck.
Guest:They're stuck.
Guest:They're stuck.
Guest:They're normal.
Guest:They're really normal.
Guest:They're normal.
Guest:When you go to New York, California, when you go to these type of cities, I hate to say, and I don't want to say this because I don't want the South to be like, oh, what are you trying to say?
Guest:It's just that
Guest:They take life a little bit more simpler than we do.
Guest:We're like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
Guest:They're like, we'll watch that on TV.
Guest:We'll watch the bam, bam on TV.
Guest:But right now, we don't need it.
Guest:Yeah, right now I'm going to go make some potatoes, some chicken.
Guest:It's nice, right?
Guest:It's very nice.
Guest:When I go there, I lose my mind.
Guest:Because it's too slow.
Guest:I can't.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:You freak out?
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:My aunt spends like an hour in the grocery store.
Guest:How do you do that?
Guest:Auntie, I got something to do.
Guest:What you doing?
Guest:The grocery store is nice.
Guest:No, it's not.
Guest:I was like, I want to go.
Guest:It was, I felt like a hostage.
Guest:Like it was just so slow.
Guest:But you know, when you, you know, it's, that's what it is.
Guest:So that's what it is.
Marc:We're, we're very, we're different type of beings.
Marc:So your dad comes out here to work for Stevie Wonder?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Stevie Wonder owns KJLH.
Marc:I didn't know that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:See, cause you're white.
Marc:Look, it's not my fault.
Guest:I know it's not your fault.
Marc:I mean, I did what I could.
Guest:It's all right though.
Guest:It's okay.
Guest:It's okay.
Guest:Some things about white people, I don't know.
Guest:You know?
Marc:Ask me anything.
Marc:I'm here to help you out.
Marc:I have some questions.
Guest:I think it's 92.3 or something like that.
Marc:So does that mean that Stevie Wonder was a part of your life?
Guest:Well, if I met him, I don't remember.
Guest:But I'm pretty sure I did meet him because we always was at the radio station.
Guest:The one memory that I have from my dad at the radio station was that I was in love with the group DeBarge.
Marc:Yeah, I remember DeBarge.
Marc:Not that way.
Guest:Okay, I'm just saying.
Marc:I don't know if I've listened to any of their music, but there was a few DeBarges, wasn't there?
Guest:It was DeBarge and Duran Duran that I was in love with.
Marc:All right, well, I know that one.
Guest:Okay, so DeBarge, I like had post, I mean, I was in love with it.
Guest:And they came to the radio station.
Guest:And my dad could not wait to get home to tell me that they was going to be at the radio station and you get to meet them.
Guest:And I fainted.
Guest:And I was like, I'm not going.
Guest:I refused to go.
Guest:I sent my brother.
Guest:So I was like, there's no way I'm going to meet him.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:They won't like me.
Guest:They won't like me.
Guest:And I don't want them to judge me.
Guest:I didn't feel like I was the pretty girl.
Guest:You know, I'm in California.
Guest:I was like, they're not going to like me that way.
Guest:And I literally... That's what you wanted, though?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I was...
Guest:You know, that's... You're just ready to... See, that's why I have a problem with the R. Kelly thing.
Guest:Him having the sex with the 13-year-old.
Guest:Everybody's like, oh, she's a 13-year-old.
Guest:I was like, if I was 13 and in love with R. Kelly and he asked me to come to this hotel, I would go.
Guest:If Elder Barge would have said, I love you and want to marry you, I'm marrying Elder Barge.
Guest:Do you understand me?
Guest:Yeah, I do understand.
Guest:So it's just like...
Marc:But you're not supposed to have that say at 13.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:But I'm 13.
Guest:But my dad was so furious at me.
Guest:He was like, I can't believe that.
Guest:And I remember he was like these little sissy boys.
Guest:And that would piss me off when he would call them sissy boys.
Guest:But they were really feminine.
Guest:But I loved them.
Guest:so did you go or do you know i sent my brother my brother went and he met him and he got him to sign it for me and everything and they and and he put on elder barch put on there i wish he would have came and met me and i cried like a baby because my dad was like you should have went i was like i didn't know but i end up meeting him yeah on my birthday at the comedy store recently
Guest:Really?
Guest:And I told him the story and he said, I remember that.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:What was he doing over at the store?
Guest:He was just there watching comedy.
Marc:He's not as hot as he used to be, huh?
Guest:No, it was.
Guest:No, I freaked out.
Guest:I literally everybody could not believe it because, you know, I'm usually very kind of serious or I don't smile.
Guest:But I was like, geez, I was like a little I turned into a 14 year old.
Guest:I was like, oh, my God, I had your poster.
Guest:I used to go to the radio.
Guest:There used to be this music shop on the way home.
Guest:And I would stop there every day to watch their video because he would play the video for me every day.
Marc:Every day I would stop.
Marc:So you were obsessed.
Guest:And then when they took the poster because they would put posters on the wall for the albums.
Guest:When he took the poster off the wall and gave it to me.
Guest:I remember just literally like running home.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Right.
Guest:I remember running home.
Marc:With the poster.
Guest:With the poster and could not wait to get it on my wall.
Guest:And I stared at it all night.
Guest:I ate dinner in there.
Guest:My mom let me eat dinner.
Guest:She was like the one time.
Marc:Like a shrine.
Guest:I was so in them and Duran Duran.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, DeBarge, what was he like now?
Guest:He was so sweet.
Marc:Does he still tour and stuff?
Guest:Yeah, he actually still sings.
Guest:He's not with the group anymore.
Guest:It's L. DeBarge.
Guest:I don't know what the rest of them.
Guest:Is there more than one DeBarge?
Guest:It was a lot of drugs involved.
Guest:Is there a lot of DeBarges?
Guest:It was like five.
Guest:Actually, originally it was 10 DeBarges.
Guest:Do you remember the group Switch?
Marc:No.
Marc:Fuck.
Marc:What?
Marc:What do you want from me?
Marc:Am I supposed to know them?
Guest:I call your name, girl.
Guest:You don't even remember that song?
Marc:Sure, okay.
Marc:I'll go with you.
Guest:Okay, damn.
Guest:I know.
Guest:But there used to be a group called Switch, and those were the two Debarge brothers.
Guest:And they helped the little young ones make another group.
Marc:And that was the one that you liked?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:And this is a guy from that group?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:This is L. DeBart.
Marc:He was the leader.
Marc:And he had that little shitty mustache, right?
Marc:Didn't he?
Guest:Yeah, he did have the... You remember to the beard of the mouth that night?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:That's them.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Guest:I just revealed some shit to you.
Marc:That's the dark shit there.
Guest:I have a feeling that you're going to be cutting this laugh in your ass.
Guest:I'm going, I can't believe it.
Marc:Oh, no, no.
Marc:It's all going in.
Guest:But how did he look?
Guest:Oh, but I didn't care because I was like El Duarte and he was so nice to me.
Marc:You should have got him to sign something.
Guest:He did.
Guest:I don't remember what he signed.
Guest:I don't remember what he did, but it was my birthday, so he took a picture with me too.
Guest:And it was just like-
Marc:So you got closure on that shit.
Guest:You know, and when I told my friends to start, they was like, oh my God, that is so cool.
Guest:You got closure.
Guest:You got to meet.
Marc:And you could still barely handle it.
Guest:I could not.
Guest:I've talked about, I call my grandmother everybody.
Guest:I was like, oh my God.
Guest:Your grandmother still around?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And you know what?
Guest:And I like to give a shout out to my grandmother.
Guest:I wish I know she's probably not going to ever be listening, but just to give a shout out.
Marc:You can show her where to listen.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, she got just got out the hospital because, you know, she has a pacemaker.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So something happened where they had to operate on and it wasn't going too good, but she fought through this.
Guest:She's like 83.
Marc:And that's your father's mother?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:What happened to your soldier?
Marc:What happened to your dad?
Guest:Well, my mother and my father, they passed away like six months within each other.
Guest:They were very sick people.
Guest:Very sick.
Guest:Very sick.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:That's too bad.
Guest:Yeah, it is.
Guest:But you know what, though?
Guest:It's so crazy because they were great people.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And, you know, if you think about our parents, they did not take care of themselves.
Guest:My parents, my dad drank like a soldier.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I don't remember them ever having a glass of water in their hands.
Guest:you know what i'm saying like fruit and now we did they made us do it you know i'm saying but because we were athletes so we was always drinking water and eating good and stuff but my dad yeah didn't give a shit you know i'm exercise are you exercise what i mean you know saying my mom oh my goodness i remember my mom used to to chew gum and smoke a cigarette at the same time i was just like that is talented that is talent but they pushed you into athletics pushed all well first of all this is what i if parents are listening right now you guys
Guest:have to understand that children are crazy no seriously we are crazy because we're full of hormones we're full of new beginnings we're full of veins that are being developed we are crazy and brains growing no and i hate to say it like this but they are like pets yeah because you have to train them they know you and i hate to say it that energy goes somewhere right so it's either going to go for the positive or it's going to go for the negative right right and my mom knew that about me because i was that kid
Marc:You could go either way.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I was that kid, homie.
Guest:My first DVD is named Problem Child because my mom used to call me that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She sat me down one day.
Guest:She was like, you know you're a problem child, right?
Guest:What would you do?
Guest:I was just it wasn't even like I was doing things on purpose.
Guest:I was just a clown and I didn't know it.
Guest:I was just always in trouble.
Guest:I called my teacher a buffalo butthead.
Guest:I remember that.
Guest:That was that was the draw because I made a cry.
Marc:You made the teacher cry.
Marc:I did that.
Marc:I think it's a comedian's rites of passage to me.
Marc:You got to make at least one teacher cry.
Guest:And I had to go back and apologize to her because she really did.
Guest:I called her Buffalo.
Marc:But you were the leader of the class because you were funny.
Marc:And so when you did that, the whole class turned on her and you just won.
Marc:Right.
Guest:No, they didn't turn on her.
Guest:They turned on me because they was like, you made the teacher cry.
Guest:And that's fucked up.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:She was a nice teacher.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:And they was like, that's fucked up.
Guest:And so, you know, she must add other shit going on.
Guest:I mean,
Guest:well you know she she had a right though because i was fucking around yeah and i think some she i don't know if she hit me with a ruler or she something happened and i was like buffalo butthead yeah and she was like look you go sit down no you go to the principal's office right now yeah and you get she was like and she just started crying and everybody in class was like oh
Guest:and then so when I went to the office I actually wasn't going to get sent home the person was like man you need to calm down and go in there and act right and apologize to you he was like what did you call her anyway I was like I called her a buffalo butt head he was like oh no you're going home really that was it he was pissed I was like it's buffalo butt head and I got it from good times the bookman was the the landlord and he used to always call him buffalo butt so I called her and it was a black class so it's a black teacher she knew what buffalo butt head was so that was an insult
Guest:Did you ever watch Good Times?
Marc:I had Jimmy Walker in here.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Boy, you ever talk to that cat?
Marc:Dude, he can talk, man.
Guest:Yeah, I'm scared of him.
Marc:Are you?
Guest:Yeah, he frightens the shit out of me.
Guest:Why?
Marc:Well, I mean, he's an old man.
Guest:Yeah, I don't know.
Guest:Just because I'm scared I might say something from Good Times and he'd freak out and kill everybody in the room.
Marc:He's got that intensity, huh?
Marc:He knows a lot of shit, though.
Marc:He does.
Marc:If you want to talk about the comedy story, he'll take you all the way back.
Guest:Oh, man, so many have.
Guest:Gallagher, oh, my God, talking to him is like talking to a space cadet.
Marc:He stormed out on me.
Marc:He walked out.
Marc:He is.
Marc:Walked out.
Marc:Woo-hoo.
Marc:Yeah, he stormed.
Marc:Like, I was recording an interview.
Marc:He's like, I'm not doing this.
Marc:And he took off.
Guest:Do they all have, like, something?
Guest:I mean, do they have- That generation?
Marc:Is it that generation?
Marc:Well, I mean, Gallagher made it real big, and you think that, well, Jimmy Walker made it real big for a while, and then he sort of disappeared, and he was just working.
Marc:And I think the same with Gallagher.
Guest:Because they don't want to catch on to, okay, it's much like what we're going through with how the Twitter and all of that is taking over, how we don't get TV deals no more, we get them internet deals and all that.
Guest:You can-
Marc:Make your own Internet.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:This is what this is.
Marc:Exactly.
Guest:And that's what I'm saying.
Guest:But that is changed now.
Guest:So for them, they had to go through a change to that.
Guest:You use what it is that that makes you popular.
Guest:Like to me, Jimmy Walker would have been so popular if half his act would have been about good times.
Guest:Yeah, I'm sorry.
Guest:He would know he would sell places out now.
Guest:He came out and was like dynamite.
Guest:Yeah, but you know, it gets a little weird.
Guest:It's a little sad, isn't it?
Guest:I mean, you know those acts.
Marc:You know those guys.
Guest:Hey, John Witherspoon comes out dressed like he is in Friday, and he does these jokes, and I'm telling you, it's hilarious.
Guest:And then he goes on to his regular set.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You only have to spend about 15 to a day.
Guest:They just want to see it for a second.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:I always tell people, you know, you got to give.
Guest:Sometimes you got to.
Guest:There's a compromise with you on stage.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:You have to do it enough to where it doesn't fuck with your brain.
Guest:But and enough to make them happy also.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I'm an entertainer.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I sometimes struggle with that.
Marc:The notion of that.
Guest:And you know what?
Guest:Let me tell you something.
Guest:It's okay because we are humans also.
Marc:Right.
Guest:But what I always tell people is that, and this is what I teach my students sometimes because whenever I teach, I teach them that the audience is not there for us.
Guest:You teach what?
Guest:Comedy?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Where at?
Guest:At the rock paper on Sunset sometimes.
Guest:Sometimes.
Guest:I'm not doing it.
Guest:What is that?
Guest:It's like a little coffee shop.
Guest:Oh, really?
Marc:Yeah, it's a little coffee shop.
Guest:And they have stand-up there.
Guest:They have stand-up there.
Marc:And it's something you came up with?
Guest:Well, I think they were already doing it, and I went in and helped them for a semester.
Guest:and had students graduate and did very well but I'm very hard I noticed that my class was great though they loved me because I was real and that's not funny that's not funny well you're a killer on stage please don't you ever say that again what do you do with these sort of soft spoken comics that are just kind of looking the other way and doing their soft jokes because that's who they are you let them be that yes because if that's who you be I always this is what I tell like I say I tell my students stay where you live
Guest:yeah where do you live if that's where you live then and it's funny then that's what you do you don't have to be me i don't want you to be me if that's not who you are because i'm crazy and i've been this way for a long time so you know all right so you're out here you're a kid and you know and you you graduated high school and you went to high school at chug night yes at limwood high did you see that did you see those videos of cat losing his mind
Guest:I haven't seen them, but I've seen some stuff.
Marc:But the weirdest thing about it is like one of them, it's just a, it's a cell phone footage, you know, and you know, he's losing it, but he's up there rambling and taking his shirt off or whatever.
Marc:And then Suge Knight comes out and all you hear these voices going, is that Suge?
Marc:It's Suge.
Marc:They didn't give a fuck about.
Guest:they didn't care about cat wings i think that's suge that is so and do you know he was the same person in high school that he is now just a big bully yeah it's a big bully yeah he used to have a big lunch sack too and had a curl but i was in love with him though because he had a lunch sack and a curl because suge knight that's good to know he looked like one of the debarges so i was in love with him and until he hit on my cousin and then i hated him forever
Marc:Oh, because you're jealous?
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:And I hated my cousin for a year because she... Did she go out with him?
Guest:No, she hated him.
Guest:She was the cool cousin.
Guest:She was the cousin that was like, he is a brute and a bully.
Guest:I don't... You know, she was that person.
Guest:But I still was mad at her because he hit on her.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She was like, okay, if you don't want to talk to me because that big idiot...
Guest:Talk to me, man.
Marc:You had a big lunch fail, huh?
Guest:Then you're stupid.
Guest:Yeah, with his big lunch sack that he would go into the nurse's office and eat.
Guest:You think I don't remember that, marry a night?
Guest:Oh, no.
Guest:What's going to happen?
Guest:He ain't going to knock me out.
Guest:I'll talk about his mama.
Guest:I know where your mama live at.
Guest:Well, Kat, I don't know what's going on with him, man.
Guest:Oh, God, you know what's going on.
Marc:Stop.
Marc:The drugs?
Guest:Well, this is what I have to say.
Guest:Funny guy, man.
Guest:I don't like to talk bad about him only because he made me rich for a year.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:I was on tour with him for six months.
Marc:You were.
Guest:And he gave me love.
Guest:I mean, talking about real love, he wasn't scared to go up after me, which a lot of comics are scared to follow me.
Guest:And it was hard because I was killing that shit.
Guest:And he gave me a lot of love.
Guest:And I feel bad for what's happening to him right now because what's happening to him right now is, is he sick?
Guest:And instead of, I think somebody just grabbing him and going, yo, you're sick.
Guest:Everybody's entertained off it because that's what type of society.
Marc:Well, they're entertained off it, but also I think he's got a lot of people that he's their payday.
Marc:I mean, he's surrounded.
Marc:That's true.
Marc:That's very true.
Guest:And Cat is very generous, too.
Marc:Well, that's the posse problem.
Marc:It's like you got these guys watching your back, but then they're like, you know, I got to take some time off.
Marc:They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Guest:No, he's very generous.
Guest:Like when we were on tour, there was one time that he called everybody that was on tour into the room.
Guest:He came out with this big basket of money and he gave everybody bonuses.
Marc:Just a big basket of money.
Marc:It's all cash.
Guest:Seriously, like it was crazy.
Guest:It was crazy.
Guest:Like with bands around it or just lose money?
Guest:I'm so serious.
Guest:Like straight.
Guest:Like a stack of money.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And it was awesome.
Guest:It was you at the time you're thinking this is awesome.
Guest:But, you know, I really honestly believe that we don't as humans go, you know, this is not going to last forever.
Guest:Right.
Guest:This is this is really a stage.
Guest:I think we don't get that until we're older.
Guest:yeah oh no i know if you're lucky yeah yeah what the fuck was i thinking because my thing is i why if someone is handing you cash like that your student loan ain't paid off yeah do you understand what i'm saying like the dumb shit i did like i live nation was paying me but i was making them pay me in cash because i'm black and i don't take checks so y'all let me tell you something what's please grad fix simmons yeah
Guest:Talked about me.
Guest:Greg had me in tears.
Guest:He was talking about me.
Guest:He was like, you fucking, how are you going to tell Live Nation who plays the Rolling Stones?
Guest:I don't care if you play the Rolling Stones.
Guest:You're going to pay me.
Guest:Cash.
Guest:Why is that a black thing?
Guest:Because black people don't write checks.
Guest:Come on, man.
Guest:Checks.
Marc:Take no check.
Marc:Seen a lot of credit card action.
Guest:Well, credit cards is different because you can instantly get some money with credit card.
Guest:But checks is a whole different.
Guest:You got ID.
Guest:You got second signatures and shit.
Guest:No, come on now.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Okay, so you left here, you got a scholarship to Fort Collins.
Marc:Now, Colorado is probably the whitest state in the world.
Guest:Absolutely, and probably still is the white.
Guest:You know what?
Marc:I think that's what they need to change.
Marc:I'm not white enough for Colorado.
Guest:No, they would kick you the fuck out.
Guest:They'd be like, yeah, you got some engine or something in you, son.
Marc:Got some Jew in there.
Marc:There was some Jew in there.
Marc:What's going on?
Guest:You ain't pure.
Guest:You ain't pure.
Guest:No, it not only is the very whitest town, it's the very purest.
Guest:They have only the purest air there, too.
Guest:I think they check your lungs when you pass the border.
Guest:That motherfucker.
Guest:When I went up there and was working out, that shit was killing me.
Marc:The air, because of too high altitude?
Marc:It was killing me, son.
Marc:Well, I mean, you get sick, you get tired, you can't breathe.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:It was killing me.
Guest:And I still was the best basketball player on the team.
Marc:Were you the only black player?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I was the only black player, Mr.
Guest:Maren, yes, I was the only black player.
Guest:Well, there was a light-skinned girl, but she really didn't count.
Guest:And she didn't come to the next year.
Marc:But how did that make you feel?
Marc:How were you treated?
Guest:First of all, I hated every... I complained.
Guest:Literally, I got there, and I didn't know that I was going to be the only black girl on the team.
Guest:I walked in.
Marc:How about in the school?
Guest:No, it was... It was... It was...
Guest:okay when I got there literally I was like I am fucking in this is this is I don't know if how this is going to work out because I'm very militant too so I'm very outspoken so what did you you know I'm that and so it's like when I walked into basketball practice I walked in with a radio yeah
Guest:So I'm the stereotype.
Guest:I walked in like I was going to the park to play ball because that's where I played is at the park.
Guest:And I played like, but my coach, Coach Berger, Brian Berger, and I love you to death, dude, if you ever listen to this, this is one of the best men.
Guest:And he doesn't know that I know that.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:Because when I left, I hated him.
Guest:But he actually was a great dude.
Guest:He brought me there for that reason.
Guest:Because these girls were stiff.
Guest:They started playing different when I started playing with them.
Guest:Oh, you showed them how?
Guest:Because I was blocking shots and elbowing.
Guest:I was playing like California ball.
Guest:And they was like, some of them girls had never even met a black person before.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:And that was so it was, you know, it was an adjustment for me.
Guest:And I was very lonely.
Guest:I was in Colorado.
Guest:A lot of times I was like, and I didn't know I had the red shirt.
Marc:What does that mean?
Guest:Because I was coming from another college.
Guest:My coach was at that college and he left and then he brought me with him.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So I had to leave a college and that means I had to sit out.
Guest:And I didn't know that.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:So when I got there, I'm like, what the, you mean I have to practice still and red shirt?
Guest:Fuck this.
Guest:I was like, no, it was hard.
Guest:It was like four hours of practice, two hours of weight training, two hours of study hall.
Guest:And that's every day.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:They was asking us to do that shit every day.
Marc:When were you able to play?
Guest:I think it was going to be like a year.
Guest:I had to wait a year.
Marc:I had to sit a year out.
Guest:And I was like, oh, I was rebelling on all levels.
Guest:So my coach knew that I was like at the point where I wanted to go home because he came to my apartment.
Guest:I had my mattress in the living room because I just was like, this was so new to me.
Guest:Like I had my own place.
Guest:I was like, oh, God, if I could go back, if I could go back with my mind now, oh, God, I would have ran that place.
Guest:I would have ran Colorado.
Guest:Do you understand me?
Guest:Why did you have your mattress in the living room?
Guest:Because I was scared.
Guest:I didn't want to sleep in the room.
Guest:There was nobody in the apartment with me.
Guest:You know, I was fucking alone.
Guest:I was scared.
Guest:So I'm a kid.
Guest:I was like 18.
Guest:So when he came to the apartment, he was like, oh, my God, you got to meet people.
Guest:You got to meet other black people.
Guest:So he found the BSU on campus, the Black Student Union.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yes, there's a building full of black people on the campus, and I'm sending you there.
Marc:This is where we keep them.
Guest:And this, if you was to talk to him today, he would say, that was the worst thing I ever did because I completely became a party animal.
Marc:I mean, I was red shirt too.
Marc:Finally.
Marc:Yeah, I'm not playing.
Guest:Yo, I walked in the building, and it was literally like, it was like, when I was walking outside, then I walked in, it was like, too bad to go back.
Guest:that's exactly how the mood changed when I walked in there I was like yeah I'm home son somebody give me some Stevie Wonder you know so and I hooked up with them and they literally I was the only black girl on the basketball team so that was an honor in that you know you were the shit oh shit and I was funny I didn't know I was really as funny as I was and I would say crazy shit and I was in Colorado so nobody knew me so I could be anybody
Guest:So I became that person.
Marc:So that was the first real comedy experience in Hawaii.
Guest:And Danita Abernathy from the student union, she put me into this contest, this comedy contest.
Guest:She was like, when she told me, she sat me down like she was going to break some bad news to me.
Guest:She was like, I need you to sit down.
Guest:And I was like, okay, you know what I mean?
Guest:You all right?
Guest:Because she had fucked this dude and I thought she was pregnant.
Guest:So I thought she was finna tell me she was pregnant.
Guest:So I was like, you all right?
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:I know you.
Guest:She was like...
Guest:I don't really think that you realize how funny you are.
Guest:And I was like, huh?
Guest:She was like, no, you're fucking hilarious.
Guest:People wait till you get to the BSU because it's going to be so fucking fun when you get there.
Guest:You're really funny.
Guest:And I entered you into this contest.
Guest:I was like, contest?
Guest:She was like, yeah, comedy contest.
Guest:I said, bitch, what?
Guest:She was like, it's two days from now.
Guest:She's like, now you can either not do it.
Guest:You don't have to show up.
Guest:You ain't obligated.
Marc:But it was a challenge.
Guest:But she just and when she said I was mad at her, but I wasn't really mad at her.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Had you ever thought about it before?
Guest:I thought that I was going to be an actress that played a comedian.
Marc:That was your life goal?
Marc:Which means what?
Marc:Who's an example of that?
Marc:Whoopi Goldberg, I was thinking.
Guest:So you thought you were going to be a comedy actress?
Guest:That's what I thought.
Guest:But in the back of my mind, I was like, maybe one day I'll probably do that too.
Guest:Get up on stage and tell a couple of jokes because I'm pretty sure I can do that.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I'm funny.
Marc:I can do that.
Guest:I can do that, right.
Guest:So I remember that.
Guest:I said, okay, I'm going to go for it.
Marc:And what was it, just an all-school comedy night?
Guest:I wish I could take you into my brain and we go back there.
Guest:But was it a BSU?
Guest:No, it was the whole school.
Guest:It was the whole school.
Guest:It was Colorado State's yearly thing that they do.
Guest:And people come from miles around to enter this fucking contest.
Guest:So now, we got comics that who are comics.
Guest:Like who?
Guest:You know, not real, you know, that we know anybody.
Guest:I mean, I'm talking about new jacks that know that they're good and they come to the campus to be in this content.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I mean, now, where I am now, I look back and I go, that's what that was.
Marc:That dude, he was a local.
Guest:Yeah, but, you know, it was a female there.
Guest:But they were psyching me the fuck out because I'm thinking they know what they're doing.
Marc:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I'm just an amateur, you know.
Marc:And did you write out a bit or did you know what you were going to do?
Guest:I made a whole thing about it.
Guest:I wrote my jokes.
Guest:I rehearsed.
Marc:What was the angle?
Marc:You remember?
Guest:I just talked about my family.
Guest:I just talked about the stuff that I would talk about with other people that made them laugh.
Guest:I had a stuttering uncle and black and white churches.
Guest:You know, at the time, that was the thing.
Guest:And Eddie Murphy was popular, so my...
Guest:I had a friend that was in the Deltas and I had a friend that was in the AKAs.
Guest:She gave me a black leather jacket.
Guest:And my friend from the Deltas took me to the mall and had my hair done.
Guest:I had a jerry curl.
Guest:So she had it cut to the side in shade.
Guest:And then I had the blonde ducktail.
Guest:You remember when DuckTales was in style?
Guest:I had the ducktail.
Guest:And I had my alligator boots that my aunt had sent me.
Guest:So I thought I was Eddie Murphy.
Guest:Oh, no.
Guest:I thought I was Eddie Murphy, son.
Guest:So...
Guest:I showed up to the contest and there was this blonde chick.
Guest:I will never forget this chick.
Guest:I wonder if she's even still alive.
Guest:But she was there and she was a comic.
Guest:But she was so cocky that she was going to win.
Guest:She was getting fucked up.
Guest:She was drinking.
Guest:She was like, I'm going to kill you guys.
Marc:But she was already a working comic.
Guest:And she was talking so much shit.
Guest:Like, you guys don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Guest:I'm going to fucking take this contest.
Guest:Because the contest was to open up for real comics.
Guest:that were in Denver?
Guest:No, they were at the college that were going to come and perform at the college and they were touring and they were actually on a cruise ship but they were coming off the cruise ship to perform.
Marc:Do you remember who they were?
Guest:No, I fucking don't but I made a fool out of myself because I won.
Guest:I ended up winning.
Guest:The girls tried to psych me out and she was getting drunk and now those motherfuckers was horrible.
Guest:They were not good.
Guest:Everybody that got up got booed.
Guest:They was not good and when I got up there, I killed it.
Guest:you just fucking locked in literally dude I can't even I always tell people that it felt religious but I know it wasn't religious but I'm telling you the first laugh yeah I just I it's I've been chasing that high I've been chasing that high since 1987 that first one I have been chasing that feeling since have you gotten close
Guest:Ah, one cat tour a couple of times.
Guest:When I did the Music City, the Music Hall, the Rockettes Place, when I did that, that was to hear... And Constitution Hall was very close.
Guest:But that first one...
Guest:it was the first one it was i literally a mind changing where i came off the stage and the girl they people were on their feet clapping because i'm of course i was the best thing at night everybody else sucks so i mean anybody who halfway sounded like they were funny yeah they was gonna so i come off the stage and they interview me in the paper i tell the paper i'm gonna be the next eddie murphy sure
Guest:oh i give up my scholarship you did oh yeah i was about to lose it anyway because i wasn't going to class i hated this red shirt and shit i was partying so i was probably about to lose it anyway right so my coach was like so you want to be a comedian and i remember that the prize was that you open up for those comedians and he came and sat right in the front row when you open yeah and look just like my dad because him and my dad that's why they got along because they were the same people
Guest:They look disappointed or was he just like, no, he's just like, this is what the fuck you want to do.
Guest:And you're fucking horrible.
Guest:Like I was terrible.
Guest:Oh, I was so terrible.
Marc:So you didn't get that laugh the same.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I was so horrible.
Guest:But it taught me what jokes I would never do again.
Marc:But so the second gig where you won the prize, then all of a sudden it was real.
Guest:I walked into the dressing room like I was a professional.
Guest:And now just imagine somebody like that walk in with me and you.
Guest:And we would be like, sit your punk ass down.
Guest:That's how I was.
Guest:I was like, whoa, we got food and all that shit, huh?
Guest:I'm high-fiving the other comedians.
Guest:They're looking at me like, who the fuck is this bitch?
Guest:And I went out there and did so terrible.
Guest:I remember to this day, this is the reason I don't do period jokes.
Guest:I did a period joke.
Guest:And that wasn't even me.
Guest:It's never been me.
Marc:Why'd you do it?
Guest:Because I thought it was funny, and it was not.
Marc:Because you thought, was that like women do this, that this is my angle?
Guest:This is my angle.
Guest:I'm a woman, so let me do female comedy.
Guest:It was just despicable.
Guest:I was ashamed.
Guest:And it was so funny, but I still, when I walked off stage, I knew I still wanted to do it.
Guest:I still wanted to do it.
Guest:I was like, I know that I got this wrong.
Marc:Feeling that pain of that first bomb and then still wanting to do it, that means you're the real deal.
Guest:And then I was insistent because my coach was like, yeah, you were fucking horrible.
Guest:I was like, yeah, I was.
Guest:But I'm telling you, I know that I can get better.
Guest:And I remember making that call to my father to tell him that I was coming home.
Guest:And...
Guest:My dad, everybody in my family is funny.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Especially my father.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But he don't know he funny.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I was like, yeah.
Guest:So I lost my scholarship.
Guest:He's like lost.
Guest:Lost.
Guest:I mean, lost means that, you know, you was involved.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, it wasn't taken from you.
Guest:That means that you did something to purposely get rid of.
Guest:He was like, so fuck, do you mean loss?
Guest:And I was like, yeah, I lost my scholarship.
Guest:You know, I was like, he was like, well, let me call the coach and talk to him.
Guest:I was like, oh, no, this is get you back in.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And he probably could have.
Guest:He probably would have.
Guest:And I was like, no, this is not fixable.
Guest:I was like, first of all, my grade point average is one point eight.
Marc:Nice.
Guest:Literally, it was 1.8.
Guest:You're bombing.
Guest:What the fuck are you doing?
Guest:He was like, what are you doing out there?
Guest:I was like, I hate it here.
Guest:I hate it here.
Guest:I'm by myself.
Guest:You know, I mean, I end up getting friends.
Guest:I was like, I know what I want to do.
Guest:He was like, well, he was like, well, what are you going to do without an education?
Guest:I mean, you know, you had a free education.
Guest:What are you going to do?
Guest:And I was like, I want to be a comedian.
Guest:He was like, who the fuck told you you was funny?
Guest:Who the fuck told you you was funny?
Guest:No, who the fuck told you you was fucking funny?
Marc:I want to talk to that guy.
Guest:No, he called my mom.
Guest:He's like, Diane, Diane, your daughter has lost a fucking mind.
Guest:Who the fuck told her it was funny?
Guest:Who the fuck?
Guest:I'm funny.
Guest:No, let me tell you something.
Guest:I'm funny.
Guest:I'm the funny motherfucker in this family, and I know that I can't be no fucking comedian.
Guest:And I was like, Daddy, I'm going to be the next Eddie Murphy.
Guest:He's like, nigga, Eddie Murphy ain't Eddie Murphy.
He's like,
Guest:He was so mad.
Guest:He hung up in my face.
Marc:Well, he's probably scared.
Marc:You know, parents are scared.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:They thought you had a leg up on the world with a free education.
Guest:Especially being black.
Marc:Seriously.
Marc:No.
Marc:And we were poor.
Marc:We were poor.
Marc:Probably made no sense to him at all.
Guest:It made no sense to regular people at all.
Guest:But I did it.
Guest:And I came home because I lived with my boyfriend because I wasn't going to go home.
Guest:Because if I went home, I was... Every day would have been like, what are you doing?
Guest:So I went and moved in with my boyfriend, which was even worse.
Guest:Oh, now, Southern family, you shacking.
Guest:That's just like, you're just, I'm weird fucking exing you from the family.
Marc:Oh, really?
Guest:Well, you know, people was not happy with me.
Marc:What did he do?
Guest:What, my boyfriend?
Marc:The boyfriend, yeah.
Guest:Oh, well, actually, everybody liked Richard.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Because he was very responsible.
Guest:He was my father.
Guest:He had the same birthday as my father.
Guest:He was my father, but wasn't.
Marc:But he wasn't yelling at you.
Guest:Yeah, he was 10 years older.
Guest:He was 10 years older than me.
Guest:And I learned a lot from Richard.
Guest:I learned a lot from him.
Guest:But he was my dad.
Guest:I think I dated my dad.
Marc:Well, of course, everybody does.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I so dated him.
Guest:But I moved in with him.
Guest:And the one thing that I have to say that I still can thank him for is that he didn't let me become a bum.
Guest:Like, you know, some women can move in with a man and be like, oh, he's going to take care of me.
Guest:But Richard was like, after the first week, he was like, you're going to get a job, right?
Yeah.
Guest:He's like, yeah, this is the real world.
Guest:Yeah, you want to be a fucking grown up, you're going to fucking work.
Guest:And I didn't have no problem with that.
Guest:I went out and got a job immediately.
Marc:Where at?
Guest:Norms.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:Down on La Cienega?
Guest:No, I was working in Orange County.
Guest:I was in Orange County at the time.
Marc:Wow.
Guest:Over on Tustin.
Guest:So I was the cook and the hostess and sometimes the bus girl.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And mostly the cook, though.
Guest:Mostly the morning cook.
Marc:Orange County?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:How'd you end up there?
Guest:Because of Chapman College.
Guest:That's the first college I went to.
Guest:So that's where I met Richard at.
Marc:So you went back.
Marc:So you were in touch with Richard while you were in Fort Collins?
Marc:Like, I miss you, baby.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Oh, we were still supposed to be dating.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Marc:You still talk to Richard?
Guest:You know, he texts me.
Guest:That's so funny.
Guest:He texted me about three days ago.
Guest:Because I don't, you know, we did that on and off thing for years and years and years.
Guest:And then I got to the year of like, yeah, you can't have no more pussy.
Marc:Yeah, I'm sorry.
Marc:It's over.
Marc:10 years later, 15 years later.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:It took me a long time to get rid of that motherfucker.
Guest:But yeah, yeah, you can't fuck me no more, son.
Guest:He texts me talking about, yeah, let's go out for the lunch for holidays.
Guest:No, fuck that.
Marc:Yeah, that's not lunch.
Guest:No, it's not lunch.
Guest:It's not lunch, son.
Guest:Lunch and dick is not.
Marc:Yeah, it's not the same thing.
Marc:I'm not eating dick for lunch.
Guest:I'm not even at home.
Guest:I'm not even at home, son.
Guest:wait so he won he was okay that was 87 yes he was and that's another thing because he supported my comedy thing because that was the one thing that i loved about richard is that he laughed at everything that i did and he had like a hearty laugh yeah so i always knew it was funny because it was like things that i was saying he was like yo seriously you are really funny yeah so that was 1987 so when i moved back i said okay i'm gonna go up at the comedy store
Marc:You're going to drive out to the store.
Marc:To the store.
Marc:Why'd you get that place in your head?
Guest:Because I just knew that that's where you're supposed to go for the comedy.
Marc:Not the improv, not the Laugh Factory.
Guest:And you know what?
Guest:My boyfriend at the time, we installed blinds.
Guest:He installed blinds for the dude that used to own the improv.
Guest:Was it Bob somebody?
Marc:Bud Friedman.
Guest:That motherfucker.
Guest:He put blinds in his house.
Marc:Richard did?
Guest:Yeah, Richard.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And Richard told him about me.
Guest:And Bud said, well, let me see what she does.
Guest:And if she curses a lot, then she's not really a good comic.
Guest:That's what he told him.
Marc:Sure.
Guest:So when Richard told me that, I was like, yeah, fuck him.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You're not the first to have said that.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:That's a really good question.
Guest:I don't remember why I picked the Comedy Store.
Marc:Well, the Comedy Store has a mystical power over some people.
Guest:Well, it was 1987, and that's when they would come out and point at you.
Guest:How the fuck did I miss you?
Marc:I was a doorman there.
Guest:You probably didn't.
Guest:Because I was a flash in a pan, son.
Guest:Let me tell you what happened.
Marc:I was a doorman there in 87.
Guest:With Chewy, the fat dude.
Guest:And I just remember that he came out and he was picking people.
Guest:And I was like, man, man.
Guest:He was like, oh, you.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because I did look different than from everybody else.
Guest:The tall black girl.
Guest:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:And my spot was at two o'clock in the morning.
Guest:Fuck.
Guest:And it was seven o'clock at the time.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And Rich was like, well, let's go get something to eat and just wait it out.
Marc:So he's hanging out with you.
Guest:Yeah, he was cool.
Guest:So I come back to do my spot and it was packed.
Guest:still it was packed yeah and there was this white girl i don't know who this white girl was damn and i don't even remember her face yeah but i remember she was hosting yeah and she gave me a great introduction and i went up the first thing i said was white bitch oh boy the audience immediately turned on me turned on me so much that you could feel the energy that oh yeah back suck it out that sucked out of the room oh my god i i mixed punch lines i don't even remember my set
Marc:Well, that OR can be brutal.
Marc:The energy of that room, man.
Guest:It was literally like I was being slit.
Guest:My throat was being slit.
Marc:If you fuck up in the OR, that room and that place, a comedy store, it will fuck your brain up.
Marc:If you start tanking there, for some reason, you just become stupid.
Guest:It fucked me up.
Guest:I came off stage and I remember I went to, you know, where the entrance is, where the stairs is, to the hallway.
Guest:And I threw up right there.
Guest:And the host was like, yeah, she throwing up all them badass jokes.
Guest:And then she was like, and shit, and shit, motherfucker.
Guest:And she was imitating me and everybody, and it blew up.
Guest:Don't want to.
Guest:Blew up.
Marc:Oh, so they're laughing at you.
Guest:Oh, God.
Marc:The defeat.
Guest:And what was even worse was Richard was dying.
Guest:Richard was like, this is hilarious.
Marc:When she was busting your balls?
Guest:Yeah, he was dying.
Guest:He was like, that shit is hilarious.
Guest:When he came out, he was like, I know you.
Guest:He was like, but...
Guest:She got you.
Guest:He was dying.
Guest:So there was this guy there that I called him to this day.
Guest:I only think I can remember him as is a fat Andy Warhol because he had a blonde bob and he had this black turtleneck.
Guest:And he was like, OK, baby, don't worry about it.
Guest:Come down to the Roxy.
Guest:and kick it with us we got a little open mic there we want you know you get and we went and I remember we went down there and there was this young kid on stage imitating Richard Pryor and he was doing great don't know who this motherfucker was I don't remember I wish I could I didn't think I was gonna be where I am today yeah yeah
Guest:I really didn't think I was going to do the comedy thing because when I left there, I was like, oh, yeah.
Guest:I was like, I can't do comedy until I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Guest:I'm not going to insult comedy by not knowing what.
Guest:So that's when I started studying.
Guest:I started going to comedy clubs.
Guest:I started sitting in the back of the room, started writing.
Guest:I started observing what type of comic I wanted to be.
Guest:Who were your guys?
Guest:It was always Richard Pryor.
Guest:It was always Richard Pryor.
Guest:And surprisingly, Gallagher, it's really weird.
Guest:I mean, the stage presence type thing.
Guest:The way he owned it, walked around.
Guest:I loved anybody.
Guest:I would watch all the improv stuff.
Guest:I loved anybody that was corny as shit or just had that.
Guest:You, the type of comics that were like you, I love because it's like, oh, my God, he's political and hilarious.
Guest:I love when people can make politics funny.
Guest:I'm never going to be that comic.
Guest:right because i'm just i don't know i just you know i think you have to be smart i've really you know like like what's dennis uh dennis leary miller dennis miller yeah never understood not one thing that came out of his mouth but i'm talking about he would bring me to tears i'm not sure he did oh my god he would say a big word and i'd be like i don't know what the fuck that word mean but that shit sound like it's really insulting that person like
Marc:The tone.
Marc:You appreciate the tone.
Marc:Just the tone.
Guest:It would just be so hilarious.
Guest:And the worrying Jewish dude.
Marc:Richard Lewis.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:You knew who I was talking about with the feather.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:He's great.
Marc:He's great.
Guest:You know, Rodney Dangerfield.
Guest:Them type of people I was watching.
Guest:I was watching hardcore.
Guest:And the girl who used to do the joke about the panties that you would have to put under your clothes.
Guest:Boozler.
Guest:boozy yes yes i would watch all the i mean all the people that i could have access to i would watch and um my friend talked me into going up again no she didn't talk me she yeah she talked me into going up at this place where magic johnson it was called the world magic johnson and the bitches would hang out there and whatever and they had a comedy black club yeah and jamie fox actually was going to be the uh the headliner
Guest:Jamie Foxx was where I am now.
Guest:Like, you know, he's just about to blow up.
Guest:No living color yet.
Guest:There's somebody going, you know.
Guest:And he was so talented.
Guest:So I was the opener.
Guest:And I was terrible.
Guest:I was terrible again because I was not where I live.
Marc:Was that the first black audience you dealt with?
Guest:And it was me trying to realize that I didn't know that I wasn't where I lived.
Guest:The jokes that I was doing, I was writing jokes instead of telling jokes.
Marc:Do you understand what I'm saying?
Marc:Yeah, talking about yourself.
Guest:So when you're looking at somebody, when you're looking at them, you go, I don't believe you.
Guest:I don't believe nothing you're saying.
Guest:Because the DJ was scratching the middle of my act like, stop lying.
Guest:Stop, stop.
Guest:Stop lying.
Guest:Like, that's what he was doing during my whole act.
Marc:With those words?
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:No, come on.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And look at my friends.
Guest:It was so funny.
Guest:I had four homegirls that were sitting in the front.
Guest:And every time somebody would boo me, they would say, boo again.
Guest:Boo again, motherfucker.
Guest:So I remember Jamie Foxx was the headliner.
Guest:And I sat down and watched Jamie Foxx.
Guest:And everything clicked.
Guest:It was like...
Guest:that's what I want to be.
Marc:Because he was so wrong.
Guest:He was talking about his family.
Guest:He was my Richard Pryor.
Guest:Because I didn't think nobody could be Richard Pryor.
Guest:Richard Pryor was, you know, the top of the pedestal because he talks about his life.
Guest:He made tragedy.
Guest:So I never saw another comic do that.
Guest:I've been watching comics.
Marc:Live, you mean live.
Marc:You've never seen him live.
Guest:So he, it was just, I was like,
Guest:The whole act.
Guest:And at the end of his act, he told the audience, I know you guys didn't like the girl that went up first.
Guest:But, you know, it's really hard to do this.
Guest:And you guys, you know, and they gave me a little applause.
Guest:And I went up to him after to tell him, hey, thank you.
Guest:And we went to Fat Burgers afterwards, me, him, and Speedy.
Guest:And I said, I just, how do I do what you're doing?
Guest:How do I get, how do I, he said, you take your time.
Guest:He said, how old are you?
Guest:I was 19 at the time.
Guest:He said, 19?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He said, you ain't did shit.
Guest:He said, go fuck.
Guest:He said, go get a job.
Guest:Go fucking break hearts.
Guest:Go get your heart broken.
Guest:And that's exactly what I did.
Guest:It's like six years later.
Guest:And killed the first time I went up again.
Marc:Wait, so from 19 to 25, you just bailed?
Guest:I bailed.
Guest:I went and did what he said.
Marc:Had a life.
Guest:Had a life.
Guest:I worked.
Guest:And I, oh my God, I had a life.
Guest:Oh, I had a life.
Guest:I partied.
Guest:I worked.
Guest:I fucking experienced shit.
Guest:I fucked.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Every time you fuck, you say, Jamie told me.
Guest:This is for the experience.
Guest:This is for the experience.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:Now get out.
Marc:Get out.
Guest:But it was just, I did.
Guest:I lived life.
Marc:So it really hit you hard.
Marc:I mean, you took it.
Marc:You were like, he's right.
Marc:I'm drawing on nothing.
Guest:Yep.
Guest:And all I kept, and it was so funny because it would be in conversations with my girlfriends like, yeah, when you become a comedian,
Guest:You know, when you get ready to be that comic and we and they would always say that.
Guest:And one night me and my homegirl got into an argument about something else.
Guest:But she was like, yeah, you always talk about you're going to be a comedian.
Guest:You ain't fucking went up yet.
Guest:You must not be funny.
Guest:I walked right out that apartment and drove to the Comedy Act Theater and went up.
Guest:I was like, bitch, you don't challenge me.
Marc:Where's the Comedy Act Theater?
Guest:That was, that's, you know, that's Robin Harris.
Guest:That's, you know, yeah, that's over there in Leimert Park off of 53rd, no, 43rd.
Guest:He was funny, huh?
Guest:Oh my God, that's who was hosted.
Guest:And I remember Martin, all of them.
Guest:I met Dave Chappelle, they all of them.
Guest:And I remember, I called first and I said,
Guest:uh the guy michael williams to stay me and him still friends i said what do i do if i wanted to be a comedian he was like yeah you just go up i said uh well y'all got something like that where i can do like i mean how do i go up yeah he said are you funny
Guest:And I was like, man, you know what?
Guest:I really think that I am.
Guest:I said, I don't know, but I think I am.
Guest:And he was like, you know what?
Guest:Then I want to see you.
Guest:He said, you're a female.
Guest:Because he was like, we don't have him.
Guest:And he was like, yeah, I want to see you.
Marc:It's a rare thing.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I had been actually writing jokes and writing stuff.
Marc:How do you put a dream on hold for five years?
Marc:I mean, you must have been going nuts.
Guest:Well, yeah.
Marc:Were you scared too?
Guest:I wasn't anything but living.
Guest:I knew that everything I was going through, I was going to talk about.
Marc:So in the back of your head, it was a plan.
Marc:I always knew that I was going to someday do it.
Marc:This was your college.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I just didn't know when I was going to graduate.
Marc:Right.
Guest:That makes so much sense.
Guest:I did.
Guest:I wasn't.
Guest:People ask me that.
Guest:And I go, I wasn't frustrated.
Guest:I was more of like, it's got to be the right time.
Guest:It's got to be the right time.
Guest:It's got to be written when I'm ready to do it.
Guest:Because when I'm ready to do it, that's when it's going to be awesome.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He was like, come down.
Guest:He was like, come down.
Guest:Be here at 8 o'clock.
Guest:Because we put the New Jacks up at 8 o'clock.
Guest:I was like, New Jack.
Guest:I was like, what's that?
Guest:And he was like, yeah, you know, it's a new.
Guest:I was like, New Jack.
Guest:I like that.
Guest:I liked it.
Guest:I like being called New Jack, you know.
Guest:So I came.
Guest:I remember I was there at 6 o'clock.
Guest:And I remember I had a great job.
Guest:Had a Monte Carlo 79.
Guest:Clean as fuck.
Guest:And I'm sitting in the parking lot.
Guest:I'm like, what are you doing here?
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:What the fuck are you doing here?
Marc:Three hours early?
Guest:Yeah, I was like, what the fuck are you doing here?
Guest:You can't do this.
Guest:You can't do this.
Guest:You can't do this.
Guest:And then some, I was more scared of not doing it.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Than doing it.
Guest:Does that make sense?
Guest:I was more scared.
Marc:Well, yeah, it's a weird moment where, you know, your experience with comedy before, it hurts.
Marc:I mean, it hurts.
Marc:You know, you eat some shit, you take those hits, and it's hard to get back up on it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But, you know, that struggle of like, what the fuck am I doing?
Marc:What the fuck am I doing?
Marc:It's real, man.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And all I'm thinking is, OK, you don't have to do this.
Guest:You know, you can walk away.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But it was this one loud voice that was like, I want to do it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You got to do it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You got to do it.
Guest:You got to do it.
Guest:I'm telling you, you good at the shit.
Guest:You good at the shit.
Guest:I'm telling you good.
Guest:You just have to fucking let people see who you really are.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You have to stop bullshitting.
Guest:Go up there and be who you are.
Guest:If that doesn't work, then fuck it.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:So I was like, fuck it.
Guest:So when the door is open, I remember the first two comedians I met was Dee Militant and Al Toon.
Guest:And they was like, yeah, you a new comic.
Guest:We ain't never seen you around here.
Guest:And I was like, yeah.
Guest:And they was like, well, what you talk about?
Guest:So, you know, I'm just a fool.
Guest:I was like, yeah.
Guest:And they was like, well, we got jokes like that.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You know, that's the first experience.
Marc:They were trying to fuck you up.
Guest:Yeah, but I was like, no one's like me.
Guest:That's all I kept thinking in my head.
Guest:Nobody's like me.
Guest:I'm six feet tall, black woman.
Marc:It's so weird.
Marc:There are these comics that were trying to fuck up your head on purpose.
Guest:You know, you think now back you go.
Guest:yeah damn yeah and i went up and you're a woman so that was another thing you can very intimidating and at the time seriously women were not like they were funny women but it was very few yeah very few and i went up and i was good no good i wasn't standing ovation but i was good got some laughs yeah i wasn't booed i was people were listening to me people wanted to hear bullshit that is a black thing man
Marc:I don't know what the fuck that is.
Guest:No, you know what white people do?
Guest:They just sit there.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:And they're fucking silent.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:That's even worse.
Guest:I'd rather for you to express yourself.
Guest:Just say boo, motherfucker.
Guest:Just don't sit there and look at me like Chinese arithmetic.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Like, we just trying to figure you out.
Marc:You're okay with the boo.
Guest:But, you know, it's crazy because, like I said, mainstream is different from the black clubs as far as what they ask for material, too.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:Black clubs, you have to come on stage and set yourself on fire.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:White people want to know where you at.
Guest:How did you get there?
Guest:We want to feel you, Leslie.
Guest:You know?
Guest:We love you.
Guest:I mean, when I do the comic store and people be like, oh, my God, we love you.
Guest:I be like,
Guest:wow you love me bitch let me hold five dollars you know like give me some money if you love me but um i went up and i came off stage and i said i'm not leaving this shit again and that was 1993
Marc:And then were you going out every night?
Guest:I fucking literally was running out of gas on the freeway trying to get to a fucking club.
Guest:And I was losing jobs.
Guest:I didn't give a fuck.
Marc:What kind of jobs were you doing?
Guest:Oh, well, by that time, I had moved out from Richard.
Guest:So at the time, when I started, I think I was working at UPS.
Guest:I was working at UPS.
Guest:I've had some great jobs.
Guest:I used to marry people.
Guest:I worked for Justice of the Peace.
Guest:I used to marry people, yes.
Guest:I probably still can.
Guest:With a straight face?
Guest:No, I fucked up their vows very much, and most of them got their shit annoyed.
Guest:Yeah, it's really fucking terrible.
Guest:I've been a bartender.
Guest:I've done so much.
Guest:I've done everything.
Guest:You know, comics, we've had a billion jobs until I found the perfect job, which was a waitress, because they let me do whatever.
Guest:I worked at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.
Marc:Where is that?
Guest:No, I worked in the one in Pasadena, because I was living in Pasadena at the time.
Marc:It's down the street from here.
Marc:I forgot there was one there.
Guest:Oh, and they're good.
Guest:They're good.
Guest:They're good.
Guest:Man, I'm telling you, I was just hustling and doing it.
Marc:What rooms were you going?
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I was doing all the black rooms because I didn't know to come to the comedy store.
Guest:which Kim Whitley was trying to get me to come to.
Guest:Kim Whitley was always going to the comedy store.
Guest:She'd be like, come on, girl.
Guest:And I'd be like, nah, that's not my way.
Guest:They don't get me.
Guest:And she was like, them the motherfuckers who's really going to get you.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:These people are going to keep you stuck.
Guest:And not that I don't love my people, but they will.
Guest:You know, you have to stay in a general... I mean, it's better now, you know, but...
Guest:You know, you really do have to be funny.
Marc:Like there's still a lot of black rooms here.
Guest:Not in L.A.
Guest:Not to me.
Guest:But there was there was at the time I was doing townhouse.
Guest:I was doing, you know, that's when Michael Coyer and all them, you know, was out.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Fat Tuesday was got Tories at the time.
Guest:That was like the biggest thing you could do.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's fat to fat.
Guest:It's like what chocolate Sundays is now.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:That's when it was really popular.
Marc:Right.
Guest:But I used to call it the nigga night.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, that's what who calls it.
Marc:Donnell Rollins was in here.
Guest:Yeah, that's what we call it.
Marc:Nigga night.
Guest:It's nigga night.
Guest:And because, you know, you got the chocolate Sundays.
Guest:Mo better Monday.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, tripping on Tuesday.
Guest:Why the fuck?
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:That's just like when a white person talks to us and they be like, yes, son.
Guest:Like, what the fuck?
Guest:Talk to me like a normal person.
Guest:So I have an education.
Marc:So you don't like to be characterized like that?
Guest:Unless I act like that.
Marc:No, but not you.
Marc:But like it bothered you that they called the shows that because.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Guest:You know why?
Guest:Because those are the only shows they would let us do.
Guest:It was almost like, OK, it's almost like making baskets.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then going, OK, now I know where to put you at.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Like I'll never be able to get into this.
Marc:So it was actually some form of segregation.
Marc:It was.
Guest:It literally was.
Guest:I remember the dude who used to book the one on Monday and we got into it because I used to be like, yo, I want to do the other nights.
Guest:I want to make more than black people laugh.
Guest:Yeah, I want to make white people laugh, too.
Guest:And he was like, well, you black comics.
Guest:And me and him got into it.
Guest:Like, and that's how the general at the time, it was very hard for you to get in the mainstream like comedy store.
Guest:Now, I'm telling you, I fought and scraped.
Guest:And it wasn't until I came at Tommy, like, Tommy, are you a racist?
Mm hmm.
Guest:And Tommy was like, no, I'm not a racist.
Marc:Tommy, the guy who books the story.
Marc:Was Mitzi already sort of out?
Guest:Mitzi had already passed me.
Marc:She had already passed me.
Marc:What was that night like?
Marc:That's a big thing.
Guest:Oh, that was... Damn, that's... God, you know what?
Guest:That's so funny.
Guest:That was after New York.
Guest:So I was like, pass me.
Guest:Bitch, I'm the shit.
Yeah.
Guest:When I came off stage, Missy was like, how come I've never seen you before?
Guest:I said, I just moved here.
Guest:She said, you're not from me.
Guest:I said, yeah, I'm from New York.
Guest:She's like, yeah, I could tell.
Marc:Well, you went to New York?
Guest:Yeah, I went to New York for a couple of years.
Marc:When was that?
Guest:This was, okay, 1998.
Guest:1998 I worked I was already working out here for a little while and just got stagnated and Dave Chappelle saw me perform and he was like you need to come to New York he was like you he said you got some other stuff going on he said you know you need to work it out right and I was like fuck it I'm gonna go visit you know I was working at Roscoe's and I was living the life yeah because seriously I had a truck I had a house I had a garage and shit that was big shit back then you know
Guest:I was responsible paying my taxes and shit.
Guest:You know, I was a responsible motherfucker.
Guest:I had it going on.
Guest:And I was like, okay, let's go to New York.
Guest:Let's go.
Guest:I went to visit.
Guest:I visited for two weeks.
Guest:I only came back, sold everything that I owned and drove back to New York.
Marc:Where'd you live?
Guest:In Brooklyn.
Guest:In Brooklyn, that's the Rastafarian's house.
Guest:And it was the best two years of my life ever.
Marc:And where were you working?
Marc:The strip?
Guest:Well, I wasn't working the Main Street.
Guest:I was working the Black Hood because it was a lot.
Guest:It was just so many clubs at that time.
Guest:I did the Boston, but I had never got to do this.
Guest:I had been over to the strip.
Guest:I knew Jim Norton and all of them.
Guest:I knew all of them.
Guest:How did I not run into you?
Guest:And it's possible that we did.
Guest:But I was a different person then, too.
Guest:I didn't talk to too many people.
Guest:I was a different person then.
Marc:So you're doing the Boston.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I'm doing a Boston.
Guest:I was it was I did Carolines a lot.
Guest:Lewis Foran loved me and I would do that a lot.
Guest:So when I came back, you learned how to get efficient.
Guest:Yeah, I learned how to.
Guest:Well, I will.
Guest:What happened when I moved to New York was that I started getting paid for what I did.
Guest:And that was something that I was like.
Guest:I could be a fucking comic?
Guest:You telling me I could get paid to do this shit and actually pay bills?
Guest:That was just something that I was like, fuck it, let's do it.
Guest:Let's do it.
Guest:And so when I came back here, because New York is a city that I don't know how, unless you're born there, you have to be born there to want to live there.
Marc:Yeah, it's its own thing.
Guest:It's not even just the people.
Guest:It's the city itself that will wear you fucking down.
Guest:It's dirty and it's cold in the motherfucking wintertime.
Marc:You're always on a train.
Guest:So that last winter, I was like, I got to get the fuck out of here.
Guest:I need to go home.
Guest:I need to go home.
Guest:And so I wasn't going to move home.
Guest:I was just going to go visit for a couple of months.
Guest:And I was like, I'm not leaving.
Guest:That sunshine, as soon as that sunshine hit me, I was like, oh, I love California.
Guest:I'm never leaving you again.
Guest:That was 2000.
Guest:That was 2000.
Guest:So that's when I was like, okay, if I'm gonna do this, I could do these black clubs, but I got to get mainstream too.
Guest:And when I went up at the comedy store, I did my three minutes, came off and Missy was sitting right there at the door.
Guest:It's so funny because doing that set and going past that door, you had that feeling of like, damn, I remember I threw up right here.
Guest:I remember I did really fucking bad in this room.
Guest:It felt good to conquer, but it still brought one of those memories.
Marc:It's a heavy room, man.
Guest:You still got a long way to go, though.
Guest:And she grabbed my arm and she was like, where are you from?
Guest:And I was like, oh, I'm from.
Guest:She said, yeah, you're not from here.
Guest:She said you passed.
Guest:I was like, oh, I passed.
Guest:I was like, I thought you had this.
Guest:She's like, nah, I'm passing you tonight.
Guest:I was like, nice.
Guest:So I started asking for spots.
Guest:I was getting, you know, the shitty spots at two o'clock in the morning.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:At the time, though, I'm kind of glad I still went through that.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Because you still do need to do that.
Marc:What did Tommy say when you called him on his shit, though?
Guest:He said because, well, what happened was by that time I had been at the store for a while.
Guest:I had already been hosting a room for a year and I had already been seeing Tommy's little shenanigans, you know, little stuff he would say about the black room and all of that.
Guest:And which I understood where he was going, but he didn't understand how racist he sound when he was saying sometimes like I like Tommy now.
Guest:Like, but at that time I was like, you racist.
Guest:So I was like, when I call in my spots, why am I getting these late spots?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he's like, well, it's because you're doing the blue material.
Guest:I said, hey, fucking the dude that hosts the Fear Factor.
Guest:I didn't even know this motherfucker's name at the time.
Guest:I said, that motherfucker just talked about fucking his girlfriend with a Christmas cheese roll.
Guest:And you talking about fucking blue?
Guest:Are you kidding me?
Guest:He was like, no, no.
Guest:I said, you know what?
Guest:I think it's because you're a fucking racist.
Guest:and he was like he's like I'm not a racist I was like no you don't like black people Tommy you don't fucking like black people I said none of you motherfuckers do I said that's why we got the nigga night so y'all could throw us in that fucking basket and shit I said but I'm not that fucking basket I can make everybody laugh I was like you need to give me my fucking chance yeah
Guest:And I swear, after that night, I don't know if he did it to see if he would throw me in there and I wouldn't do good or something.
Guest:But I killed.
Guest:When he gave me that one chance, he gave me a 1045 spot.
Marc:Right after Rogan.
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:And I killed.
Guest:And I've been in it since.
Marc:Who did he?
Marc:Did you remember who you followed?
Marc:Nope.
Marc:I don't remember.
Marc:He must have put somebody to go up.
Guest:None of that shit.
Guest:All I remember is that I was going to get up there and destroy.
Guest:I was going to fucking kill.
Guest:And I did.
Marc:Didn't that change it?
Guest:yeah that changed it yeah so how'd you get uh because i know i you you worked on mencia's show a bit and uh you started opening for big big acts then well i mean when did you go on the road with cat well i'm trying to remember did okay at the time you know cat started getting popular and started doing these tours and stuff and he had different people he's a trip man yeah well he was let me tell you something homie he was drawing though so yeah
Guest:On USA Today, it was Miley Cyrus at 97 point something at how many tickets she sell.
Guest:And he was right up under her with 96 point something at how many tickets he was selling.
Guest:And I think he was on his second or third tour.
Guest:And he had Luenelle and Monsanto.
Guest:uh melanie camacho and i think um he can't he saw me at the comedy store one night and he had been telling me he's gonna put me on tour or whatever yeah but you know how that's a big break man yeah you motherfuckers talk but you be like whatever yeah so um he's like that's who i need on my tour right there and i was like whatever whatever right so i didn't even have a cell phone
Guest:I was not that person.
Guest:I was like, fuck you and technology.
Guest:You know how long it took me to buy a CD player?
Guest:You know how long it took me to buy a CD player?
Guest:I mean, I literally was fingernail polishing tapes because I refused to go with tech.
Guest:I was like, you motherfuckers are not going to turn me to 666.
Guest:You know, I'm not going to be a robot.
Guest:Fuck this shit, right?
Guest:So I didn't even have a cell phone.
Guest:So he was like, what's your cell number?
Guest:I was like, I don't have it.
Guest:I said, if you want to call me, I'll give you my number, leave a message.
Guest:And when I get home, I'll check it.
Guest:Because that's how motherfuckers.
Guest:Unless you're going to give me a pager, you know, then maybe I can call you at the phone booth.
Guest:But that's as far as advanced.
Guest:And he was like, you don't have a fucking cell phone?
Guest:I was like, no.
Guest:He was like, yo, there, he gave me $500 right there.
Guest:He said, go get a cell phone.
Guest:Do you know how stupid I looked in the store trying to buy a cell phone?
Guest:I just was like, what?
Guest:I mean, I looked like one of them.
Guest:What does this do?
Guest:Why is this flipping?
Marc:What was that in retrospect?
Marc:Do you think that was just a fear of a new shit?
Marc:I mean, you really had a theory around it?
Guest:I thought I knew everything.
Guest:I was my daddy's child.
Guest:technology's not gonna take me down!
Guest:But my dad was a tech freak, which was, I'm totally opposite of my dad.
Marc:Did he live long enough to see you do comedy?
Guest:Yes, he did.
Guest:Yes, he did.
Guest:And the one thing that was so funny, the conversation that we had before he passed was, because he used to always give my brother a favor
Guest:And I used to be like, but I was at you.
Guest:I mean, I did, you know, drop out of school, whatever, but you never had to take care of me.
Guest:You know, my brother, you had to bail out of jail.
Guest:You had to do all kinds of stuff.
Guest:So you never had to take care of me.
Guest:I've never came to you, borrow money.
Guest:You never had to take care of me ever.
Guest:Even when I dropped out of school, I came and took care of myself.
Guest:You know, I was just always wondering why you always was so fucking hard on me.
Guest:And he said, because of just what you said, I never had to take care of you.
Yeah.
Guest:He was like, your brother, I've had to take care of your brother.
Guest:And he was like, he said, you're the one thing that I can be proud that I had because he said you just, he said you, he was like, and you're so funny.
Guest:He was like, you're so funny.
Guest:He was like, he was like, he was like, all those albums I let you listen, he was like, it was worth it.
Guest:He's like, because you are really funny.
Guest:I was like, oh man, damn, you know, it was crazy.
Marc:It was crazy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was good to get that before he passed.
Marc:Oh, that's sweet.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So after you bought the cell phone with the.
Guest:cat's money so i went by the cell phone and um he gave me a couple of dates on the tour that he was on now because melanie camacho's mother passed so i went to replace her and uh you know when you come into atmosphere motherfuckers they you know red grant was cool but everybody else was assholes yeah everybody else was assholes you were on the testing yeah yeah and then when melanie came back it got worse it just got worse they like
Guest:teamed up on me and shit and i'm saying because i don't give a fuck if they hear it because they they i said it to them like you motherfuckers was bitches to me on it it got so bad when cat came to the room i said send me home is i thank you for putting me on this tour but i'm gonna end up fucking one of them bitches up because i really am that person so you he was like yeah this tour and it was about to end anyway so he was like he gave me seven thousand dollars yeah and he said go buy a car
Guest:Then he gave me another $5,000.
Guest:He was like, live off of that.
Guest:He's like, because the next tour is going to start soon.
Guest:So I was like, cool.
Guest:So I went and bought a car and everything.
Guest:So I didn't actually think he was going to put me on the tour because it was taking a little while for it to happen.
Guest:But during that time, I was doing my thing and people had heard about me.
Guest:Carlos Garcia, I went up before him at the Laugh Factory and he didn't know I was that funny.
Guest:He came up after me.
Guest:He had already performed.
Guest:He came up after me.
Guest:And grabbed the mic and said, I don't know who and why this girl is not fucking blown up, but I'm going to do whatever the fuck I can to put her on some shit.
Guest:And like literally next week he called me for sketches and put me on.
Guest:And but then it slowed down like a lot because I remember the night that Kat called me.
Guest:I had fifteen dollars in my bank account and I did not have no gig to pay rent for the next month.
Guest:And I remember it was a real funny moment because I think about seven o'clock, I was in the kitchen making Top Ramen.
Guest:I remember because I love Top Ramen.
Guest:I mean, you know where you have money or not, Top Ramen's the shit.
Guest:If you make it the right way, you let me make it.
Guest:It's the shit.
Guest:Anyway, I was making it and I was thinking in my head, I was like, you know what, Leslie?
Guest:You've done everything you can.
Guest:You know, you're funny.
Guest:You're out there.
Guest:You're talking to people.
Guest:You didn't put as much as you can.
Guest:And I remember looking up going, it's your turn now, man, because ain't nothing else I can do.
Guest:I done did everything I can.
Guest:And I remember going to eat my ramen noodles, watch my show.
Guest:And I remember falling asleep really early that night.
Guest:It was like really early because it was about 12 o'clock when my phone rang.
Marc:That's a sad ramen sweep.
Guest:I wasn't sad though.
Marc:I was happy.
Guest:I watched private practice and everything.
Guest:So I was like, yeah.
Guest:So I fell asleep early and I remember my phone rang at 12 o'clock.
Guest:The cell phone rang at 12 o'clock.
Guest:And I was like...
Guest:Who the fuck is calling me at 12 o'clock?
Guest:And I looked at it and it was Kat's managers.
Guest:So I was like, oh, let her leave a message.
Guest:Let she leave a message.
Guest:So I rolled over.
Guest:The phone rang again.
Guest:So I picked it up.
Guest:It was her again.
Guest:I was like, leave a fucking message, motherfuckers.
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:This is me.
Guest:So I rolled over and went to sleep again.
Guest:And the motherfucker rang again.
Guest:So I was like, oh, now my intention was just leave a fucking message.
Guest:You know, hello.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Hey, hey, this is Lena.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was like, yeah, what's up?
Guest:She was like, yeah, Kat, I want to see you right now.
Marc:Right now.
Guest:I was like, I said, bitch, it's one o'clock in the fucking morning.
Guest:I was like, she was like, Kat, I want to see you right now.
Guest:I advise you to get dressed and come.
Uh-huh.
Guest:so all I'm thinking in my head because I woke up I was like yeah this motherfucker bought my car let me get my ass up so I got up got dressed went over there and he and he was like they was having some meeting they went and went to the office with him he was like yeah you ready to start tour I was like we finished he was like yeah like two days oh
Guest:It was like two days before the New Year's.
Guest:So I was like, two days?
Guest:He was like, yeah, two days.
Guest:Go home, pack, and be here back.
Guest:And I was like, motherfucker, are you serious?
Guest:And he was like, yeah, I'm serious.
Guest:He was like, come here, and I'll pay you.
Guest:I think...
Guest:At the time, he was like, I don't know how much I'll pay you, but I'll tell you when we get to Chicago.
Guest:I didn't give a fuck because all I was thinking was like, fuck it.
Guest:So I went home packed and it came back.
Guest:I remember I had everybody, my hairdresser did my hair for free, everything.
Guest:Everybody was like, go, just go, just go.
Guest:We went to Chicago and it was the real fucking deal.
Guest:Like Chris Smith was there.
Guest:Live Nation people was there.
Guest:I mean, this was some real shit.
Guest:I had never seen nothing like this before.
Marc:The whole operation was in place.
Guest:It was like, oh, shit.
Guest:They build around this motherfucker.
Guest:And the place was packed.
Guest:So I'm like, oh, my God.
Guest:And we got two shows.
Guest:So.
Guest:Cat was like the first show totally.
Guest:He didn't even perform the first show, I think.
Guest:I think they had to combine the shows because he was so late or something like that.
Guest:I can't remember exactly what happened, but I remember going out and performing.
Guest:And, man, I'm telling you, I put foot in ass.
Guest:And he told me, Kat had made a deal with me.
Guest:There was this joke that I do.
Guest:I do this joke where I hit a girl on the head with a mic.
Guest:And it's just really funny.
Guest:And he said, you got to do the joke.
Guest:But I had retired the joke.
Guest:And he was like, no, you got to do that joke.
Guest:And I said, well, if I do that joke, can I have permission of going out into the audience?
Guest:And he was like, yeah.
Guest:So I had added that to my act where, you know, you had to do my crowd work.
Guest:On the road, I go out into the audience and do the crowd work in their face.
Guest:And it's just, it kills every time.
Guest:And I kill.
Guest:So when I came backstage, everybody's like, where the fuck is Kat?
Guest:And the dude from Live Nation comes over to me and go, he said, Jeff, I love him.
Guest:Superman.
Guest:He said, you may have saved the show tonight.
Guest:And I was like, what?
Guest:He said, yeah, because you was really funny.
Guest:You was really funny.
Guest:So, you know, if they have to leave with just that, they'll be cool.
Guest:They'll remember you.
Guest:And so then Kat shows up.
Guest:We do the second show.
Guest:I kill the second show.
Guest:And then we all in his hotel room, which looks like a palace, which was crazy.
Guest:Didn't even know they had hotel rooms like this.
Guest:I was sitting there going, this is somebody's fucking penthouse.
Guest:This is crazy.
Guest:How much is this fucking room?
Guest:You know what I'm saying?
Guest:Do you got a clock out at 12 in this motherfucker?
Guest:So he was sitting there in this big chair.
Guest:I said, why would they have this?
Guest:And I'm thinking this.
Guest:I'm going, look at the desk.
Guest:Why would they have this in a hotel room?
Guest:This is fucking crazy.
Guest:This is some like Scarface shit.
Guest:I'm stuck on the desk.
Guest:So he's like...
Guest:He's like, yeah, okay, so Live Nation, everybody's there.
Guest:He's like, yeah, so make the announcement.
Guest:Leslie's the official feature on my tour.
Guest:So everybody's clapping.
Guest:Now, in my head, I'm thinking, why are y'all clapping?
Marc:I ain't got no schedule or nothing.
Guest:What the fuck is everybody clapping for?
Marc:What does this entail?
Guest:I ain't even got paid yet.
Guest:Fuck all this shit.
Guest:Do I get paid?
Guest:I got to pay rent.
Guest:That's what I'm thinking.
Guest:I got to pay rent.
Guest:Am I getting paid?
Guest:Because he still ain't telling me what I'm going to make or whatever.
Guest:So he calls me into his room the next morning and he says, how much do you think you should get paid?
Guest:I said, oh my god damn it.
Guest:i literally did that and i said come on cat i don't please don't play these games with me man i was like i know you like to fuck with people and shit i was like i'm i'm that bitch yeah i'm that real motherfucker please don't do this to me yeah i was like what did you pay the last people i was like you know what do you think is fair i mean because if you asking me five thousand motherfucker yeah a show five thousand a show yeah and he started laughing he's like you are so fucking crazy he's like i'm gonna i'm gonna change you i'm gonna change the way you think and he gave me a check for um
Guest:I think it was $2,500.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Was it $2,500?
Guest:It was $3,500.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he gave me the check.
Guest:And when I looked at the check, I was like, oh, God, Jesus, Father God.
Guest:I was like, God.
Guest:I went immediately to the bank.
Guest:And that motherfucker bounced.
Marc:Just to make sure?
Guest:That shit bounced.
Guest:It fucked my, this is what made me want the cash from now on.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:fuck my accounts up right but it was because cat was fucking around and didn't do what whatever was doing so i went to the office and let them know that they fucked up my account with the money so they gave me cash you know i took care of everything but then they're like so they're like okay live nation is going to be paying y'all from now on yeah okay so so when doug doug he tells me say so we're gonna be paying you
Guest:How do you want to get paid?
Guest:You want to check?
Guest:I was like, cash.
Guest:I want cash, motherfucker.
Guest:He said, cash?
Guest:You sure?
Guest:He's like, you're going to be making a lot of money, Leslie.
Guest:You're not going to be able to just deposit cash.
Guest:I remember saying this, and to this day, I will regret this.
Guest:He was, I don't know no fucking place that cash don't work.
Marc:So you got cash.
Guest:I literally was going to the bank making $20,000 deposits.
Guest:And the people at the bank was like, yo, you know, just come back.
Guest:Just come back the next day.
Guest:Don't make all these deposits now.
Guest:But we were coming in town and leaving.
Guest:I didn't want to just travel.
Guest:I didn't want to leave it in the house.
Guest:Because people by that time knew I was on tour.
Guest:So it's like,
Guest:I was I what was I supposed to do?
Guest:I remember telling my account, what was I supposed to do?
Guest:She was like, bitch, you supposed to get an account that would have told you not to fucking do that.
Guest:You know, so and I end up getting audited and everything.
Guest:It was horrible.
Guest:The cash.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, God, it was horrible.
Guest:But but it was the tour itself was fucking great.
Guest:that was the change that game changer oh man we had the tour bus yeah i mean to this day right now in my head i am dreaming of a tour that's that's the one thing that i'm dreaming of now and that brought you the attention of uh of everybody and that that that tour probably made your career right right right it it it like you said the people who wasn't looking at me before and now looking at what year was that a few years ago this was uh 2008
Guest:yeah 2008 and when'd you uh so you got it what's going on now you got that dvd out that's last year i did that in 2009 okay which is crazy yeah and now it's popular yeah wait wait where can they get it well amazon you get on amazon i'm on problem child yes it's called uh leslie jones problem child yeah it's on netflix uh amazon i think you can get it at some stores and you're working on new shit now oh a whole new special now and the next one is going to be like don't sit your ass in the front row that's
Marc:Is that what it's called?
Guest:That's what I'm going to call it.
Guest:Don't put me in the front row.
Marc:But you're doing all right.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:It's a pleasure talking to you.
Guest:Man, you too, man.
Guest:I think I might have told you my whole life story.
Guest:Well, thank God.
Guest:Now I got it.
Marc:All right, folks, that's my show.
Marc:Thank you, Leslie Jones.
Marc:I'm glad we had that conversation.
Marc:Please go to WTF.com and check the calendar.
Marc:I'm going to be doing shows in Milwaukee, San Francisco, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Marc:I think Crackers in Indiana was added.
Marc:So let's do that.
Marc:Come find out when I'm playing by you.
Marc:Come see me.
Marc:You know, kick in a few shekels, get some merch, check out the comment board, get on the mailing list, get the app, upgrade to the premium app.
Marc:I'll keep you in the loop what's going on with the patent troll situation as that unfolds.
Marc:You know, we did some great stuff with the, you know, generating some momentum around the Shield Act.
Marc:And I'll let you know what else is going on.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:Boomer lives!