WTF with Marc Maron Podcast Transcripts

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Episode 35 - Dave Pullano / Howard Kremer... maybe?

Episode 35 • Released January 3, 2010 • Speakers detected

Episode 35 artwork
00:00:00Marc:Lock the gates!
00:00:07Marc:Are we doing this?
00:00:08Marc:Really?
00:00:08Marc:Wait for it.
00:00:09Marc:Are we doing this?
00:00:10Marc:Wait for it.
00:00:12Marc:Pow!
00:00:12Marc:What the fuck?
00:00:14Marc:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
00:00:16Marc:What's wrong with me?
00:00:17Marc:It's time for WTF!
00:00:19Guest 1:What the fuck?
00:00:20Guest 1:With Mark Maron.
00:00:21Guest 1:What the fuck?
00:00:25Marc:Okay, let's do this.
00:00:26Marc:Happy New Year, what the fuckers.
00:00:28Marc:I hope you're all alive and well and didn't get hurt or hurt anybody else over the New Year holiday.
00:00:32Marc:Hope you drove safely.
00:00:34Marc:I hope everyone's made their resolutions and hasn't broken them yet.
00:00:38Marc:I am not making resolutions, really.
00:00:40Marc:I am just trying to continue to not be as fucked up as I was before.
00:00:46Marc:That is my big goal in life, to try to unfuck myself.
00:00:50Marc:I mean, what the fuck?
00:00:51Marc:Why the fuck not?
00:00:53Marc:So I hope everyone's still with us.
00:00:54Marc:I hope...
00:00:56Marc:Everybody's still excited.
00:00:57Marc:I think 2010 should be an interesting year.
00:01:01Marc:I know that a couple of things that I didn't talk about since I've last talked to you.
00:01:05Marc:We did take a day off last week.
00:01:07Marc:I did visit my brother.
00:01:11Marc:And I know I've told some of you that my brother has three children.
00:01:15Marc:He's married to a woman that has four children.
00:01:18Marc:And all seven of the children were present when I spent three days there.
00:01:22Marc:And as you know, I'm a man with no children.
00:01:24Marc:Now, three out of the seven children while I was there were coughing and hacking.
00:01:29Marc:And, of course, I got sick.
00:01:30Marc:I don't know how you don't get sick.
00:01:32Marc:I am.
00:01:33Marc:I have to assume that most parents with young kids have the immune systems of warriors of just they must be immune immune immunological warriors.
00:01:44Marc:It's baffling to me.
00:01:46Marc:Can I just say that I have not seen Avatar.
00:01:49Marc:I will not see Avatar.
00:01:50Marc:If the only thing that they can say about that movie is to cost $300 million to make, how shameless is that in a bankrupt country, in an economy that's strained, that they're proud of spending $300 million on a movie, on a cartoon?
00:02:04Marc:I don't care how fucking good it is.
00:02:06Marc:For that amount of money spent on a movie with our ticket price, we should get health care coverage.
00:02:12Marc:Would that be reasonable?
00:02:14Marc:$300 million on a cartoon?
00:02:17Marc:All right, call me a Luddite, call me old-fashioned, call me a party pooper, but what the fuck?
00:02:22Marc:$300 million?
00:02:24Marc:Seriously.
00:02:25Marc:And a quick other WTF note, if I could.
00:02:28Marc:This is a pet peeve I have, and I don't know if anyone shares it with me.
00:02:31Marc:I don't lose my shit over much in a dramatic way, but there's one thing that I lose my shit over.
00:02:37Marc:Almost always is if I go into a bathroom and I go to the bathroom and then I wash my hands and then I turn around and there's nothing but a hand dryer there.
00:02:46Marc:I got to be honest with you.
00:02:47Marc:In that moment, I don't have the fucking time.
00:02:49Marc:I do not have the time to play with that machine.
00:02:52Marc:I don't want to deal with a hand dryer.
00:02:54Marc:I don't want to stick my hands under there.
00:02:55Marc:They never seem to get dry.
00:02:56Marc:It seems ridiculous.
00:02:58Marc:It seems that wasting that amount of energy versus wasting recycled paper towel is ridiculous.
00:03:03Marc:Give me give me a paper towel.
00:03:05Marc:I don't want to deal with the hand dryer.
00:03:06Marc:I will walk out of the bathroom with wet hands and dry my hands on something else, perhaps a napkin, perhaps my jacket.
00:03:13Marc:But I do not have the fucking time to deal with a hand dryer until something magical happened.
00:03:20Marc:And it happened twice in one week in two different places.
00:03:23Marc:I came into contact with the Dyson Airblade.
00:03:27Marc:Now, this isn't a promotional pitch.
00:03:29Marc:They are not a sponsor.
00:03:30Marc:I don't see why anyone would have a Dyson Airblade hand-drying system in their home.
00:03:36Marc:It seems a little ridiculous.
00:03:37Marc:Dyson vacuum cleaner, I can understand.
00:03:39Marc:But they are making these industrial hand-dryers that not only are efficient, but just a blast to stick your hands in.
00:03:47Marc:That's all I want to say is thank you, Dyson, for making drying my hands fun again.
00:03:53Marc:Back to my brother and his kids.
00:03:55Marc:So I know some of you think that I might not be great with kids, but I do like kids and I pretend like I don't because I don't have any and I don't think I'm going to have any.
00:04:03Marc:And I know some of you say, you can always have kids.
00:04:05Marc:I don't know.
00:04:05Marc:Look, let's say I have them when I'm 50.
00:04:09Marc:When I'm 65, God willing, or whatever willing, or hopefully I make it to 65, I want to relax.
00:04:15Marc:I don't want to be dealing with a 15-year-old.
00:04:18Marc:I'm just thinking that way now, but who knows?
00:04:20Marc:A woman could call me and say, guess what?
00:04:22Marc:Surprise.
00:04:24Marc:And I'm going to say, how old is he or she?
00:04:26Marc:And maybe they'll say four and I'm good.
00:04:27Marc:And I'll be like, okay, I missed the tough part.
00:04:30Marc:Bring them by.
00:04:30Marc:That's cynical.
00:04:32Marc:But I had a lovely time with my brother's kids and his wife's kids.
00:04:36Marc:They're all good kids.
00:04:37Marc:I could probably remember all their names.
00:04:39Marc:I know.
00:04:39Marc:Yes, I could.
00:04:40Marc:I don't need to do it right now.
00:04:42Marc:But what I would like to get to in terms of dealing with children is
00:04:46Marc:is let's go back to the rock band guitar hero argument.
00:04:53Marc:I got bad emails about this.
00:04:55Marc:I got flack.
00:04:56Marc:I got flack about it.
00:04:58Marc:Hold on.
00:04:58Marc:Hold on one sec.
00:04:59Marc:Let me just take a... Pow!
00:05:03Marc:Whoa!
00:05:04Marc:I just shit my pants.
00:05:06Marc:Justcoffee.coop, available at wtfpod.com.
00:05:10Marc:Guitar Hero, Rock Band.
00:05:12Marc:You know how I feel about it.
00:05:14Marc:I think they're ridiculous.
00:05:15Marc:I think that kids should be learning how to play a real instrument, not learning how to interface with another machine.
00:05:21Marc:Then I got emails from people saying, you're missing a couple of things because of Rock Hero, because of Guitar Band.
00:05:27Marc:a rock band or guitar hero.
00:05:30Marc:I'm bonding with my kid around music that I grew up with.
00:05:32Marc:She's starting to like music.
00:05:33Marc:He's starting to like music.
00:05:34Marc:Some letters even said that it's inspiring their children to play instruments.
00:05:38Marc:Okay, I amend my argument.
00:05:40Marc:I still have a problem with it, but those sound like wonderful, lovely stories.
00:05:45Marc:Well, here was my nightmare.
00:05:47Marc:My brother's got a guitar.
00:05:48Marc:We both played guitar when we were kids.
00:05:49Marc:We played together, but I stuck with it.
00:05:51Marc:He didn't.
00:05:51Marc:But occasionally, every 10 years or so, he buys one, and it disappears or it breaks, and he claims he's going to play again.
00:05:58Marc:But there happened to be a pretty good guitar at his house.
00:06:01Marc:And I thought, well, it'd be kind of fun to sing with the kids.
00:06:04Marc:Maybe we should get this thing strung up and do Puff the Magic Dragon, find some kids' songs online.
00:06:11Marc:We'll have a sing-along.
00:06:13Marc:And Craig says, that sounds like a great idea.
00:06:15Marc:So I go to Guitar Center.
00:06:16Marc:I buy some strings.
00:06:17Marc:I bring a couple of the kids with me.
00:06:18Marc:It's fun.
00:06:19Marc:Bring kids into a music store.
00:06:21Marc:Hopefully inspire them.
00:06:23Marc:So I get home.
00:06:24Marc:I string up the guitar, and I'm ready to go.
00:06:26Marc:And I'm like, well, let's sing some songs, you guys.
00:06:29Marc:What do you want to sing?
00:06:31Marc:And literally all seven kids said, Eye of the Tiger.
00:06:37Marc:Eye of the Tiger.
00:06:38Marc:And I'm like, wait, is that a kid's song?
00:06:41Marc:No, Eye of the Tiger.
00:06:42Marc:You know, like Eye of the Tiger from Rock Band.
00:06:46Marc:And I'm like, what?
00:06:47Marc:And my brother goes, yeah, they know that song because they've all played Rock Band over and over again.
00:06:52Marc:They know all the words to Eye of the Tiger, the Survivor song.
00:06:54Marc:Survivor, right?
00:06:56Marc:Eye of the Tiger.
00:06:56Marc:Yeah, that one.
00:06:57Marc:I'm like, you got to be kidding me.
00:06:59Marc:that i mean that was that's that's a bad song no matter how you slice it i mean it's just bad i didn't say that to the kids but i said that that's but but they know all the words to it i'm like so what are you telling me he says well i'm just telling you they know all the words to that and then little shy who's uh
00:07:15Marc:How old is he, eight?
00:07:16Marc:He's like, Eye of the Tiger, play Eye of the Tiger.
00:07:18Marc:So now this is what I had to do when I spent time with my brother's kids and his wife's kids, the brood.
00:07:25Marc:I sat there and I learned how to play Eye of the Tiger.
00:07:31Marc:Not only could I not really listen to that song, but it was imposed upon me.
00:07:34Marc:I know the song.
00:07:35Marc:We all know the song from the movie, from the radio.
00:07:40Marc:We know the song.
00:07:41Marc:Do we like the song?
00:07:43Marc:I don't think so.
00:07:45Marc:No, I know not.
00:07:47Marc:So I'm sitting there learning the chords to Eye of the Tiger.
00:07:52Marc:And I felt angry a little bit and a little bit...
00:07:57Marc:embarrassed because of my particular musical pedigree and what I like.
00:08:02Marc:But I learned those chords, my friends.
00:08:05Marc:And I memorized them.
00:08:08Marc:And I sat down with seven kids and played Eye of the Tiger for them.
00:08:13Marc:And they all sang.
00:08:15Marc:as if it were Puff the Magic Dragon or any other child song.
00:08:19Marc:And they sang the shit out of Eye of the Tiger.
00:08:23Marc:And it was beautiful.
00:08:26Marc:I guess times are changing.
00:08:34Marc:Just put the gum in your mouth in preparation for your radio interview.
00:08:37Marc:Let me just, I'll tell you a little bit of how this works.
00:08:40Marc:Please do.
00:08:41Marc:When you're about to go on radio, the thing you don't think is like, maybe I should put gum in my mouth.
00:08:47Marc:Yeah.
00:08:47Marc:Or perhaps, let me put my retainer in.
00:08:50Marc:Those are things you don't do.
00:08:51Guest 3:Take the kazoo bird call.
00:08:53Marc:Sure, sure.
00:08:54Marc:Yeah, yeah.
00:08:55Marc:My guest in my garage is Dave Polano.
00:08:59Marc:He is a comedy writer.
00:09:00Marc:He's written for MTV.
00:09:02Marc:He was the head writer on Blind Date, was it?
00:09:05Marc:And some other stuff.
00:09:06Guest 3:Yeah, one of the writers, one of many writers on Blind Date, executive producer, E!
00:09:11Guest 3:Entertainment.
00:09:12Marc:Oh, yeah.
00:09:12Marc:Screenwriter.
00:09:13Marc:Yeah.
00:09:14Marc:He's basically a Hollywood guy.
00:09:16Marc:He's a guy that came out here to make it in show business like the rest of us, with just a suitcase and a dream, right?
00:09:24Marc:Suitcase and a dream, yeah.
00:09:26Guest 3:Very green, naive, an old Subaru.
00:09:29Marc:Oh, nice.
00:09:30Marc:Now, was it your own car?
00:09:32Guest 3:Yeah, it was paid for.
00:09:33Marc:Oh, yeah?
00:09:34Marc:Yeah.
00:09:34Marc:But you came out with your own car?
00:09:36Marc:Came out with my own car.
00:09:37Marc:Your parents didn't give you a crappy one?
00:09:39Guest 3:Nah, I was old.
00:09:40Marc:How old were you when you came out here?
00:09:43Guest 3:Around 30.
00:09:44Marc:Wow, you waited on it, huh?
00:09:45Marc:Yeah.
00:09:45Marc:Were you one of those guys that was like, they'll find me here?
00:09:48Marc:Where were you living in Boston?
00:09:50Guest 3:I was living in the South End.
00:09:52Guest 3:Oh, okay.
00:09:54Guest 3:Yeah, of course.
00:09:54Guest 3:I'm going to get discovered.
00:09:55Marc:I'm going to get discovered in Boston.
00:09:56Marc:It happens all the time.
00:09:57Marc:I just have to write this thing.
00:09:58Marc:I'll finish it, and I'll put a binder clip on it, and then magic will happen.
00:10:03Marc:I don't have to send it anywhere.
00:10:04Marc:They'll come right over.
00:10:05Guest 3:Yeah, the best part was trying to get an agent in L.A.
00:10:09Guest 3:from Boston.
00:10:10Marc:Oh, yeah.
00:10:10Guest 3:Yeah, they just love that.
00:10:11Marc:Yeah, I bet you a lot of follow-up calls were made by you.
00:10:15Marc:Did you get the message that I sent?
00:10:16Marc:Yeah, did you read my stuff yet?
00:10:18Marc:Did you spark to my material?
00:10:21Marc:Oh, see, but then you got to feel what the other side is like.
00:10:23Marc:So you come out here, and then what happens?
00:10:26Marc:You're like, I'm here.
00:10:27Guest 3:I come out here.
00:10:29Guest 3:It was a spec news radio spec.
00:10:32Guest 3:In the day, you wrote your spec.
00:10:34Marc:You wrote an episode of news radio.
00:10:36Guest 3:News radio.
00:10:37Guest 3:Came out here.
00:10:38Guest 3:The plan was get an agent, get staffed on Frasier, Friends, maybe The Simpsons would be great.
00:10:44Marc:Sure.
00:10:44Marc:And then buy a house in the hills.
00:10:46Marc:Just like that.
00:10:46Marc:Probably inside a year that would happen.
00:10:48Guest 3:Yeah, smash cut to me taking money out of my credit card to pay rent.
00:10:52Marc:Nice.
00:10:54Marc:I'm reminded of Sunset Boulevard, the scene where he approaches his agent on the golf course and says, I need money.
00:11:00Marc:My car just got towed.
00:11:02Marc:And the agent's like, well, when you're hungry, that's when you really do the good work.
00:11:06Marc:It's like, you don't understand.
00:11:08Marc:I need money.
00:11:10Marc:And the guy goes, maybe what you need is a new agent.
00:11:12Guest 3:Yes.
00:11:15Guest 3:I wish I had an agent to tell me that.
00:11:17Guest 3:I couldn't even get one at the time.
00:11:18Guest 3:So what did you do for work?
00:11:19Guest 3:You know, broke and desperate.
00:11:23Guest 3:First job was I worked for a catering company.
00:11:26Marc:Wow.
00:11:28Marc:I know a lot of people that do that.
00:11:29Guest 3:Yeah.
00:11:29Guest 3:It was cool.
00:11:30Guest 3:You know, you got to work the Oscars and the Emmys.
00:11:32Marc:Oh, so you did high-end catering?
00:11:33Guest 3:I did high-end.
00:11:35Guest 3:A couple of great...
00:11:37Guest 3:A couple of peaks of my catering career was a charity event at Paramount Studios, and my section ran out of Evian water.
00:11:44Guest 2:Okay.
00:11:45Guest 3:Not good.
00:11:46Guest 3:So we had to go to the employee bathrooms at Paramount and hand funnel sink water into Evian bottles.
00:11:53Marc:As opposed to say you ran out because that would make the company look bad.
00:11:55Guest 3:Yeah, of course.
00:11:56Marc:Uh-huh.
00:11:57Guest 3:And then I had to pour it to Dustin Hoffman, which was, you know, I love the guy.
00:12:03Guest 3:And I'd love to meet him someday and say, yeah, I gave you a hand-funneled sink water.
00:12:08Marc:Did you do any follow-up?
00:12:09Marc:Like, is everything okay, Mr. Hoffman?
00:12:10Marc:Is the water okay?
00:12:12Guest 3:I poured it like an expensive wine, so he had no idea.
00:12:15Marc:Right, so now Dustin Hoffman doesn't know he consumed tap water.
00:12:18Marc:What else you got?
00:12:19Guest 3:What else I got?
00:12:20Guest 3:Getty, opening at the Getty Center.
00:12:22Marc:Oh, yeah, that tremendous disappointment.
00:12:25Guest 3:um i got to uh they didn't feed they didn't never fed the staff at those things yeah you're you're serving the best food around and nobody feeds you so you just you take other people's food so right sydney poitier yeah was was was given a steak and the guy's a vegetarian so uh i was summoned to go get rid of his steak and uh
00:12:45Guest 3:I remember I grabbed it, and I was like, screw this.
00:12:48Guest 3:I'm not going to give it back to the company.
00:12:49Guest 3:I put it in my breast pocket of my tux and had a friend, one of the bartenders, I had him grab an expensive bottle of wine, pour it into a coffee cup, and we met in the men's room at the Getty Center and shared Sidney Poitier's steak.
00:13:02Marc:Did you put it in plastic or anything?
00:13:04Guest 3:I folded it in a napkin and stuffed it in my breast pocket.
00:13:07Guest 3:How was that steak?
00:13:08Guest 3:It was the best fucking steak I've ever had.
00:13:10Marc:Oh, it sounds beautiful.
00:13:11Marc:That was a fairly illustrious catering career.
00:13:14Guest 3:Yeah, it was good times.
00:13:17Guest 3:Finally, I went to a temp agency.
00:13:19Guest 3:This is the start of my career.
00:13:23Guest 3:I got placed at the front desk of Miramax Films.
00:13:26Marc:Now, that's actually a fairly big gig.
00:13:30Marc:I mean, you're actually inside, you're on the inside, you have access, and you're in an entry-level position at a major studio.
00:13:38Guest 3:Yeah, this is Shakespeare in Love, Life is Beautiful, Good Will Hunting Miramax.
00:13:42Marc:Right.
00:13:43Guest 3:Yeah, it's weird, because you're literally the lowest rung of the ladder, yet you're the gatekeeper for the whole company.
00:13:49Marc:Yeah.
00:13:50Guest 3:All calls funnel through you.
00:13:51Marc:To everybody.
00:13:53Marc:Yeah.
00:13:53Marc:And this is where the fun begins.
00:13:55Guest 3:Yeah, you know, the thing about a movie studio is that everybody in the world wants to reach Bob and Harvey Weinstein or some of the execs.
00:14:04Guest 3:And it's one script after another.
00:14:06Guest 3:People are trying to pitch me on the phone.
00:14:08Guest 3:And as you know, the rule is no unsolicited scripts.
00:14:13Marc:Right, which means that you can't send it yourself.
00:14:16Guest 3:You cannot send it yourself.
00:14:17Marc:It has to go through an agent.
00:14:18Marc:Right.
00:14:19Guest 3:And so all day long, my job involved telling people no.
00:14:24Guest 3:And I felt bad.
00:14:25Guest 3:I mean, you know, I'm not trying to crush anybody's dreams.
00:14:29Guest 3:Right.
00:14:30Guest 3:You just can't put these calls through to people.
00:14:32Marc:Right.
00:14:32Marc:Like what were the calls like?
00:14:34Guest 3:You know, it was a really strange array.
00:14:38Guest 3:There was German callers asking questions about Uma Thurman's shoes.
00:14:43Guest 3:There was people with just bizarre pitches for Bob and Harvey that they would start pitching to me at the front desk.
00:14:50Guest 2:Michael, give me an example.
00:14:52Guest 3:There was one.
00:14:53Guest 3:It was a mob story, but the Fed going after the mob was in a wheelchair, but the head of the mob was also quadriplegic.
00:15:01Guest 3:Wow.
00:15:02Guest 3:So this guy thought he had a real hook.
00:15:04Guest 3:Yeah.
00:15:05Guest 3:And there'd be scripts they would send.
00:15:07Guest 3:Sometimes you'd just look at some of the scripts.
00:15:09Guest 3:There was this one script that came in that had a lot of gunplay.
00:15:13Guest 3:And the guy literally wrote out tat-a-tat, tat-tat, tat-tat, tat-tat, tat-a-tat, every freaking – about 8% to 10% of the script was filled with tat-a-tat-tats.
00:15:23Guest 1:Oh, that's great.
00:15:24Guest 1:Stuff like that.
00:15:25Guest 3:So I guess that's why you've got to go through an agent.
00:15:26Guest 3:Yeah.
00:15:27Guest 3:And so just those calls all day long, all day – oh, and people would – sometimes people would complain about films that we didn't even make.
00:15:36Guest 3:That fucking Titanic is a piece.
00:15:38Guest 3:No, we didn't.
00:15:39Guest 3:Ma'am, we didn't make Titanic.
00:15:40Marc:They just would call with general complaints about movies?
00:15:43Marc:Yeah.
00:15:44Marc:And what about, like, did they ever call with complaints about movie stars or anything?
00:15:50Guest 3:Yeah, well, people would call.
00:15:51Guest 3:Can I speak to Robin Williams, please?
00:15:52Guest 3:It's like, he was in Good Will Hunting.
00:15:55Guest 3:We made the movie a couple years ago.
00:15:57Guest 3:He's not walking around the lot.
00:15:58Guest 3:In fact, there is no lot here.
00:16:00Marc:And how'd they respond to that?
00:16:01Marc:They didn't believe me.
00:16:02Marc:Really?
00:16:03Guest 3:Oh, no.
00:16:04Guest 3:Every star of every Miramax movie was just hanging out.
00:16:07Marc:It's spectacular how little people know.
00:16:10Marc:But I find this with fairly intelligent people, though.
00:16:13Marc:I mean, some people don't really know how the machinations of show business, what they really are.
00:16:19Marc:They just think that they turn the cameras on and those people are all right there and they make it all up.
00:16:24Marc:Yeah.
00:16:24Guest 3:And the script was well written beforehand.
00:16:27Marc:Oh, yeah.
00:16:27Marc:It's just like it goes right to the TV or right to the movie screen.
00:16:31Marc:There's no process.
00:16:32Marc:These are intelligent people.
00:16:33Marc:Yeah.
00:16:34Marc:So you're sitting there and what happens to what I mean, there was some shift in the way you started dealing with these people.
00:16:41Guest 3:Yeah, yeah.
00:16:42Guest 3:So here's the shift.
00:16:44Guest 3:One day, a guy from one of the trade publications, Hollywood Reporter, calls and he just was trying to get through to somebody in publicity.
00:16:52Guest 2:Right.
00:16:54Guest 3:He kept getting voicemail.
00:16:55Guest 3:He got pissed.
00:16:57Guest 3:He took it out on me.
00:16:58Guest 3:Yeah.
00:16:59Guest 3:As people will do.
00:17:00Guest 3:As people will do.
00:17:01Guest 3:Yeah.
00:17:01Guest 3:I don't blame him.
00:17:01Guest 3:But I kind of hung up the phone on him, which really isn't a good idea.
00:17:06Guest 3:Right.
00:17:07Guest 3:Don't hang up the phone on somebody more powerful than you.
00:17:09Guest 3:It's a lesson for all.
00:17:10Marc:I've had to learn that over and over again.
00:17:13Marc:That's why I'm in my garage.
00:17:15Guest 3:It's a lovely garage.
00:17:16Marc:Thank you very much.
00:17:16Guest 3:Like a mid-century chair.
00:17:18Guest 3:And so he calls back.
00:17:22Guest 3:He wants to talk to my boss so he can get me fired.
00:17:24Guest 2:Right.
00:17:24Guest 3:I'm like, oh, shit.
00:17:25Guest 3:I mean, you know, I may be the bottom rung of the company, but it's a rung.
00:17:30Guest 3:I'm on a rung at least.
00:17:31Guest 3:And so I put him on hold in a...
00:17:34Guest 3:And I'm like, shit, I got to do something.
00:17:35Guest 3:And so I thought, well, I thought of the name Jay Flanick.
00:17:41Guest 3:Okay.
00:17:41Guest 3:It was an old buddy's pseudonym.
00:17:44Guest 3:And I copped a British accent.
00:17:46Guest 2:Yeah.
00:17:46Guest 3:Because I had to disguise my voice.
00:17:48Guest 3:And the funny thing is that my British accent really isn't that good at all.
00:17:51Guest 3:So it's a poor man's imitation of Monty Python.
00:17:55Guest 3:And I picked up the phone and said, yeah, you know, it's Jay Flanick from Miramax.
00:17:58Guest 3:Let's hear the voice.
00:17:59Guest 3:Hello, you've reached the office of Jay Flanick.
00:18:02Guest 3:Oh, good, good.
00:18:03Guest 3:And now for something completely different.
00:18:04Marc:Right, right.
00:18:05Guest 3:I mean, that's my British accent.
00:18:06Guest 3:So you're sitting there going, it's Jay Flanick's office.
00:18:08Guest 3:I'm dreadfully sorry, dreadfully sorry.
00:18:10Guest 3:I personally see to his dismissal.
00:18:12Guest 3:And what was the guy saying?
00:18:14Guest 3:Well, initially he was kind of like that Christian Bale.
00:18:18Guest 3:Oh, really?
00:18:19Guest 3:Yeah, yeah, he was pissed.
00:18:20Guest 3:He lost it.
00:18:22Guest 3:But he bought it pretty easily.
00:18:24Guest 3:And again, it was funny to me because my...
00:18:27Guest 3:It kind of sounded like me.
00:18:29Guest 2:Right.
00:18:30Guest 3:But he bought it, and so I'm like, wow, this is great, you know, because this could be something.
00:18:36Guest 3:So I decided to give Flanik his own extension at the company.
00:18:41Guest 2:Like through a voicemail?
00:18:42Guest 3:Oh, yeah.
00:18:43Guest 3:Hello, you've reached the office of Jay Flanik Miramax Films.
00:18:45Guest 3:Please leave a message.
00:18:46Guest 2:Yeah, yeah.
00:18:47Guest 3:And...
00:18:48Guest 3:And now when somebody wouldn't take no for an answer, they wanted to send a script in, send it to Jay Flanick.
00:18:53Marc:So he was in a dress.
00:18:55Marc:So you were getting all the mail anyways?
00:18:56Guest 3:Yeah, I was in charge of the mail.
00:18:58Guest 3:I was in charge of the phones.
00:18:59Marc:So you created this Jay Flanick person.
00:19:01Marc:He's got a voicemail.
00:19:01Marc:He's got an extension.
00:19:03Marc:And you would get on the phone with publicists or whatever, and you'd say, well, I'll get that to Flanick.
00:19:09Marc:Send me the tickets kind of thing?
00:19:11Guest 3:Yeah, it was more like, you know, for all those people that would never say take no for an answer, send your script to Flanik.
00:19:16Guest 3:You have a complaint, let me put you through to Jay Flanik.
00:19:19Guest 3:And I check his voicemail once in a while and you hear all the complaints.
00:19:22Guest 3:It's so sad that you didn't keep all of them.
00:19:25Guest 3:I know, I know.
00:19:26Guest 3:That would have been fucking awesome.
00:19:28Guest 3:Yeah.
00:19:29Guest 3:So in about two weeks, Flanik's getting a pretty good volume of mail.
00:19:33Guest 3:He's getting scripts on a daily basis.
00:19:35Guest 3:I start signing him up for magazines, like little minor creative directories.
00:19:41Guest 3:And people started hearing about him around the office.
00:19:44Guest 3:At the studio, it was really funny.
00:19:46Guest 3:All the execs were in their offices with the doors shut.
00:19:50Guest 3:But everyone else, all the assistants and myself, were kind of in this big bullpen.
00:19:53Guest 3:So everybody knew of Flannock at this point.
00:19:56Guest 3:Now, if they had a problem with people, they would call me and say, hey, can you take a Flannock call?
00:20:02Guest 3:Yeah, sure, of course.
00:20:03Guest 3:Now, so now a few of these execs, again, this is like Miramax is huge.
00:20:10Guest 3:Yeah, it's huge.
00:20:11Guest 3:A few of the execs thought this was pretty funny.
00:20:14Guest 3:And, you know, they were giving me flanic calls.
00:20:16Guest 3:And, of course, I'm going to do I'm doing favors.
00:20:19Guest 3:And.
00:20:21Guest 3:So one of them one day said, you know, what are you doing with yourself?
00:20:24Guest 3:And I explained, you know, I've been rejected by... The thing about Hollywood, too.
00:20:29Guest 3:Agencies don't reject you.
00:20:31Guest 3:They just don't get... They don't want to say no because, God forbid, they want to do business with you someday.
00:20:34Guest 2:Yeah.
00:20:35Guest 3:They'll just not respond.
00:20:37Guest 2:Right.
00:20:37Guest 3:Negative means they don't want to push you off.
00:20:40Guest 3:Right.
00:20:40Guest 3:That's just, you know, the West Coast thing.
00:20:41Marc:Yeah.
00:20:42Marc:It's like the same thing where they don't fire anybody.
00:20:44Marc:Eventually, you just get a call like, oh, I think that...
00:20:48Marc:That's not happening.
00:20:49Marc:Yeah.
00:20:50Marc:Yeah.
00:20:50Guest 3:Yeah.
00:20:50Guest 3:We're like with women out here.
00:20:51Guest 3:Same thing.
00:20:52Guest 3:Yeah.
00:20:52Guest 3:Yeah.
00:20:53Guest 3:You just won't hear from them again.
00:20:55Guest 3:So I told her, look, you know, I'm trying to find an agent, dah, dah, dah.
00:20:58Guest 3:And she said, ah, no problem.
00:21:01Guest 3:Made a phone call.
00:21:02Guest 3:A week later, I had an agency hit pocket me, which, you know, means we'll try out, but we don't want to go through all the paperwork.
00:21:11Guest 3:A week after that, they sent me out for my first job interview.
00:21:14Guest 3:And it was for a head writer job for an MTV show.
00:21:17Guest 3:No TV experience.
00:21:19Guest 3:Boston sketch comedy does not count as TV experience.
00:21:22Guest 3:And I was not qualified, by the way, for this position.
00:21:25Guest 3:And I go in and I tell the Flannock story.
00:21:29Guest 3:It kills in the room.
00:21:31Guest 3:Hired me in the room.
00:21:32Guest 3:That's spectacular.
00:21:33Guest 2:Thank you.
00:21:33Guest 2:Thank you very much.
00:21:34Guest 2:That is spectacular.
00:21:35Guest 3:Yeah.
00:21:37Guest 3:And that's how I got my first job.
00:21:40Guest 3:Thanks to Jay Flanick.
00:21:41Guest 3:Thanks to Jay Flanick.
00:21:42Guest 3:He's the gift that keeps on giving.
00:21:44Marc:Now, what about the Weinsteins?
00:21:46Marc:Did they ever get hip to it or the bigger executives?
00:21:50Marc:I mean, was there...
00:21:51Guest 3:No, you know, I had a way of doing business there that as long as you got your work done, people really didn't care.
00:21:56Guest 3:And one of the things I was good at at Miramax was delivering bad news.
00:22:01Guest 3:There was a real art to it, and I kind of got it down because – Well, let's teach some of the people.
00:22:05Guest 3:Yeah, let me tell you what.
00:22:06Guest 3:Here's how to give bad news in Hollywood.
00:22:07Guest 3:Hollywood execs, they need everything immediately.
00:22:10Guest 2:Right.
00:22:10Guest 3:Everything has to be done immediately.
00:22:12Guest 3:Well, 10 years ago, if you wanted to switch a cell phone, it was a two-week process or one or two-week process.
00:22:18Right.
00:22:19Guest 3:And that was always unacceptable.
00:22:20Guest 3:You were screwed.
00:22:20Guest 3:You know, the exec said, I need a new cell phone.
00:22:23Guest 3:And you told them it was going to take, you know, three weeks.
00:22:27Guest 3:Or, excuse me, if you told them it was going to take a week, you were dead in the water.
00:22:31Guest 3:You were chewed out.
00:22:32Guest 3:You were shit.
00:22:34Guest 3:So I would go, Dave, we need a cell phone change.
00:22:39Guest 3:I'd go into the office and say, hey, talk to the cell phone company.
00:22:42Guest 3:They're telling me it's going to be three weeks to a month.
00:22:44Guest 3:This is bullshit.
00:22:46Guest 3:I'm waiting to get the manager on the phone so I can tear the guy a new asshole right now.
00:22:48Guest 2:Right.
00:22:49Guest 3:Go back to my cubicle, hang out for a while, come back about an hour later, say, got some great news.
00:22:55Guest 3:They're going to do it in a week.
00:22:57Guest 3:Oh, Dave, you're the best.
00:23:00Guest 3:Thanks, Dave.
00:23:01Guest 3:It's all about the delivery.
00:23:05Marc:But it's also about basic politics.
00:23:09Marc:You present this horrendous thing, and you're like, I'm going to take care of it, going in.
00:23:15Marc:Exactly what was going to happen.
00:23:16Guest 3:Yeah.
00:23:16Marc:And that's how you get ahead.
00:23:18Guest 3:That's how I got ahead.
00:23:19Guest 3:I did that on a daily basis.
00:23:20Guest 3:That was my MO.
00:23:22Guest 3:Just make it.
00:23:24Guest 3:It was kind of like Scotty in Star Trek.
00:23:26Guest 3:Yeah.
00:23:27Guest 3:Scotty knew the whole time.
00:23:28Guest 3:He'd get it going in an hour.
00:23:29Guest 3:Oh, I can't go on.
00:23:30Guest 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:23:32Guest 3:He knew the whole time.
00:23:32Guest 3:Then he looks like a hero in the end.
00:23:34Marc:All right.
00:23:35Marc:So that's the way you do it.
00:23:36Marc:Yeah.
00:23:36Marc:You just make a huge deal that only you can fix.
00:23:39Guest 3:Yes.
00:23:40Guest 3:Thank you.
00:23:40Marc:That's it.
00:23:41Marc:So what are you working on now?
00:23:42Guest 3:This is a cool project.
00:23:45Guest 3:I'm out with a doc right now, a featured doc.
00:23:48Marc:That's documentary.
00:23:50Guest 3:Thank you.
00:23:53Guest 3:It doesn't automatically translate in the podcast?
00:23:55Marc:No, we've got to translate show business ease into regular people talk.
00:24:01Marc:So what's the doc about?
00:24:02Guest 3:It's about the glory days of National Lampoon.
00:24:06Marc:Oh, really?
00:24:06Guest 3:Yeah, and how they change modern comedy.
00:24:08Marc:With Hendra and Sean Kelly and P.J.
00:24:11Marc:O'Rourke.
00:24:11Guest 3:P.J.
00:24:12Guest 3:O'Rourke.
00:24:12Guest 3:and uh doug kenny the great doug kenny sure um just what i found you know uh in doing all the research on this was uh yeah i'm partnered with a doc maker guy eddie schmidt um eddie did uh this film is not yet rated yeah yeah it was good great great eddie wrote and produced that um
00:24:31Guest 3:And Matty Simmons.
00:24:32Guest 2:It's Matty's story.
00:24:34Guest 2:I know his son.
00:24:35Guest 3:Mike.
00:24:35Guest 2:Yeah.
00:24:35Guest 3:Michael.
00:24:36Guest 2:I haven't seen him in a long time.
00:24:37Guest 3:Yeah, he's still around.
00:24:37Guest 2:Is he all right?
00:24:38Guest 3:Yeah.
00:24:39Guest 3:We've had a few meetings with Matty and Michael.
00:24:41Guest 3:Yeah?
00:24:43Guest 3:Matty's still going strong.
00:24:44Marc:But he came in late.
00:24:45Marc:I mean, he was like, right?
00:24:46Marc:He took it over after the original crew was all gone, right?
00:24:50Guest 3:No.
00:24:50Guest 3:Matty actually founded it with Kenny and- Oh, really?
00:24:56Marc:Yeah.
00:24:56Marc:Okay.
00:24:57Marc:And Kelly.
00:24:59Marc:Sean Kelly?
00:25:00Guest 3:Yeah.
00:25:00Marc:Yeah.
00:25:00Marc:Sean Kelly's son is Chris Kelly.
00:25:04Marc:Oh.
00:25:05Marc:Chris Kelly is a great comedy writer.
00:25:07Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:25:09Marc:And I had one of the greatest moments with Sean Kelly, because I liked Lampoon a lot when I was a little kid.
00:25:15Guest 3:The glory days, yes.
00:25:16Marc:Well, I mean, I was still young, but I'd been reading Mad Magazine, and then somehow I got hold of a National Lampoon, and I'm like, holy shit.
00:25:25Marc:Exactly.
00:25:25Marc:This is the one.
00:25:26Marc:This is where it's at.
00:25:28Marc:And that must have been in probably the late 70s.
00:25:31Marc:And so it was already going a while.
00:25:33Marc:Yeah.
00:25:36Marc:But I knew the guys, and I liked P.J.
00:25:38Marc:O'Rourke's work.
00:25:39Marc:I liked Doug Kenney.
00:25:41Marc:Tony Hendra was there, too.
00:25:43Marc:And Sean Kelly.
00:25:45Marc:And I did a project years ago for HBO Downtown Productions, and Chris Kelly...
00:25:49Marc:was the head writer for me on it.
00:25:52Marc:He writes for Bill Maher usually now.
00:25:54Guest 3:Okay.
00:25:54Marc:And Sean Kelly came down to the taping of the pilot, and I was very excited to meet him.
00:25:59Marc:And we were just talking comedy, and he's written a couple books in his own right, one about the saints, I believe, literally a book about saints.
00:26:08Marc:And we were talking about comedy, and I'm like, Dennis Miller, do you like Dennis Miller?
00:26:11Marc:Because I didn't like Dennis Miller.
00:26:12Marc:And he goes, oh, yeah, Dennis Miller, fearlessly attacking trivia.
00:26:17Marc:And I just thought that was a fucking genius.
00:26:19Marc:I mean, there are a few things I remember, you know, certain lines like that.
00:26:23Guest 1:Yeah.
00:26:24Marc:So that sounds like a really interesting project.
00:26:26Marc:And it's one of those things that I think, you know, as you get older, I don't know how old you are.
00:26:31Marc:How old are you?
00:26:32Marc:Early 40s.
00:26:33Marc:There you go.
00:26:34Marc:So I'm a little older than you.
00:26:35Marc:So much of this stuff gets lost in a culture that moves so fast.
00:26:39Marc:I know.
00:26:40Marc:And has no ability of contextualizing anything into a time frame.
00:26:44Marc:And certainly very few people that are younger than us
00:26:48Marc:are going to even really know what Lampoon was and who came out of Lampoon and what it did culturally at that time.
00:26:55Marc:But it was one of the only magazines in America to take the type of satirical risks that it took.
00:27:02Marc:It just didn't exist in the world.
00:27:05Marc:And some of this stuff was heinous.
00:27:07Marc:It was heinous.
00:27:09Marc:There was a story in there.
00:27:10Marc:One story I'll never forget is that story.
00:27:12Marc:I think it was called My Vagina.
00:27:14Marc:Yeah.
00:27:14Guest 3:My Vagina?
00:27:14Guest 3:Yes.
00:27:15Guest 3:I think it was a John Hughes piece, I think.
00:27:17Marc:Yeah, it was genius.
00:27:18Marc:He goes swimming, right?
00:27:20Marc:He starts having his period in the pool.
00:27:22Marc:Right.
00:27:22Marc:A boy in his teens realizes all of a sudden he wakes up, he's got a vagina.
00:27:27Marc:And then when he tells his friends, of course, they all fuck him, right?
00:27:29Marc:Wasn't that where it went?
00:27:31Marc:Yeah.
00:27:31Marc:Something like that?
00:27:32Marc:Yeah.
00:27:33Marc:And then there was all the pictorial stuff.
00:27:37Marc:I remember there was an L.L.
00:27:39Marc:Bean catalog where everything wasn't made with Goose Down.
00:27:43Marc:It was made with Goose Liver, like a Goose Liver jacket.
00:27:46Guest 3:It was the Eddie Bauer.
00:27:47Guest 3:Eddie Bauer, yeah.
00:27:48Guest 3:Do you remember that?
00:27:48Guest 3:Yeah, I remember.
00:27:49Guest 3:They combined L.L.
00:27:50Guest 3:Bean with Eddie Bauer.
00:27:51Guest 3:Right.
00:27:52Guest 3:Yeah.
00:27:53Marc:Yeah, and then there was all the photo funnies, and then there was- Vietnamese baby book.
00:27:57Marc:Oh, my God.
00:27:58Guest 3:The yearbook parody?
00:28:00Marc:Yeah.
00:28:00Guest 3:That was genius.
00:28:02Guest 3:One of the cool things I learned was that, you know, what I didn't realize that people like Belushi, Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner- Right.
00:28:10Guest 3:...
00:28:11Guest 3:Christopher Guest, were also part of Lampoon, but part of the radio hour and the stage show.
00:28:16Marc:Oh, yeah.
00:28:16Marc:Belzer, Bill Murray.
00:28:17Marc:Yeah.
00:28:18Marc:Yeah.
00:28:18Marc:I mean, I have that box set.
00:28:20Marc:I mean, it's pretty spectacular.
00:28:21Guest 3:Bill Murray and Christopher Guest doing bits together.
00:28:23Marc:Oh, yeah.
00:28:23Marc:No, it's like, you should definitely get that.
00:28:24Marc:It came out on Rhino.
00:28:26Marc:Yeah.
00:28:26Marc:It was great.
00:28:27Marc:Yeah, I have that set somewhere.
00:28:28Guest 3:And at one point, NBC approaches Maddie Simmons about doing a sketch show.
00:28:33Guest 3:Maddie's, I mean, Lampoon at the time, I think it had 300 employees.
00:28:37Guest 3:I mean, it was freaking big.
00:28:39Guest 3:Matty's too busy running things.
00:28:41Guest 3:He declines.
00:28:43Guest 3:NBC goes to Lorne Michaels.
00:28:45Guest 3:Yeah.
00:28:46Guest 3:Lorne goes to the Lampoon Sketch Show, grabs Gilda Radner, Bill Murray, Chevy Chase...
00:28:54Guest 3:John Belushi, Michael Donahue, and That's Saturday Night Live.
00:28:58Guest 3:Is that how it happened?
00:29:00Marc:Yeah.
00:29:00Marc:From a National Lampoon sketch show?
00:29:01Marc:I had no idea.
00:29:02Marc:That's a great tidbit.
00:29:05Marc:Well, when's this doc coming out?
00:29:07Guest 3:Trying to sell it.
00:29:08Guest 3:I like the way you pitch it, by the way, so I think we might have to bring you some of the upcoming pitch meetings.
00:29:12Marc:What did I say?
00:29:13Guest 3:Oh, no, and it's like how you phrased it about... Oh, contextualize it?
00:29:17Guest 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
00:29:18Guest 3:Because to me, too, as I looked at this, they change... Modern comedy, I think, as we know it today, really came from Lampoon in the early 70s.
00:29:27Marc:Well, what's happening now is there's a movement away from stand-up into sketch, which means that most of it is rooted in the Chicago style, that they're hiring people who can...
00:29:37Marc:write, do characters, and also share a stage.
00:29:40Marc:Right.
00:29:41Marc:So it's most of, a lot of people are coming out of Sketch now, and certainly that kind of National Lampoon, Second City Matrix, like the meeting of the two, because all those Chicago guys came out of Second City.
00:29:56Guest 2:They did, yeah.
00:29:57Marc:And then they came into New York to do the radio show.
00:30:00Marc:I don't know, you know.
00:30:00Marc:No, that's it.
00:30:01Marc:Yeah.
00:30:02Marc:And there were some New York personalities there too, you know, because I know Belzer was on some of them, and I'm not sure, you know.
00:30:07Marc:And Ramos came in, too.
00:30:10Marc:And that was sort of, yeah, that's true, that a lot of what happened and what is happening now in sketch and in television did come from that New York-Chicago meetup.
00:30:23Guest 3:And I think a lot of the guys today, if you look at Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert can recite some of these old pieces.
00:30:28Guest 3:I mean, some of the talent today, whether it be Bill Maher, even Jim Carrey,
00:30:34Guest 3:They all cite Lampoon as a huge influence.
00:30:36Marc:Well, yeah, they redid the Lemmings Festival with Andy Richter as a lead in New York not too long ago.
00:30:43Marc:They redid that record, the Lemmings, National Lampoon Lemmings, which was a satire at the Rock Fest or the Woodstock Fest.
00:30:51Guest 3:Right, right.
00:30:51Marc:Yeah.
00:30:52Marc:And I think in the original one, I think Belushi did Cocker, and it was actually its own record, National Lampoon Lemmings.
00:30:59Guest 3:Yeah, we found some of the old archival footage of that done on stage.
00:31:04Guest 3:It's pretty cool to see Belushi and Chase pre-Saturday Night Live doing stuff.
00:31:08Marc:I'd love to see that.
00:31:09Marc:Yeah.
00:31:09Marc:Oh, you've got to sell this thing, dude.
00:31:11Marc:I know.
00:31:12Marc:It's a great story.
00:31:13Marc:Well, I mean, I think that context has changed with a lot of things.
00:31:17Marc:I mean, just that people forget.
00:31:20Marc:I mean, you have kids.
00:31:21Marc:I mean, do you let them watch?
00:31:23Marc:I mean, we grew up with certain entertainment that we think has integrity.
00:31:28Marc:And now, like a lot of things I see, and I don't know if it's just that I'm getting old or...
00:31:32Marc:Or where I say, like, oh, no, the Rolling Stones were the best.
00:31:35Marc:Or the Iggy Pop and the Stooges.
00:31:36Marc:And they're like, shut up, old man.
00:31:38Guest 3:There's this whole thing in retrospect.
00:31:40Guest 3:There's this whole in retrospect factor where you forget, like, you know, I look at all the violent stuff my kid wants to watch.
00:31:47Guest 3:And I want to be like this.
00:31:49Guest 3:I want to be a parent that, you know.
00:31:51Guest 3:open-minded but doesn't let my kid watch anything you want the kid to like you as a friend yeah but but you know i gotta there's gotta be limits so right so i decided to start showing him some of the stuff from my you know childhood that i watched i grew up you know after school the warner brothers cartoons yeah they're always on and you were already old when we saw them yeah oh yeah yeah but that's what that's what we had yeah
00:32:10Guest 3:Yeah, the references were like Humphrey Bogart and stuff.
00:32:13Marc:Yeah, but that was it.
00:32:14Marc:No one seemed to be making cartoons.
00:32:16Guest 3:So one day we put on a Pepe Le Pew cartoon, and I'd forgotten this, that Pepe Le Pew, he spent the entire episode trying to rape a cat.
00:32:28Guest 3:It's like this interspecies rape.
00:32:30Guest 3:Yeah.
00:32:30Guest 3:And I'm like, I'm thinking to myself, oh my God, this is crazy.
00:32:34Guest 3:And I'm watching and I'm watching and he's trying to rape the cat.
00:32:37Guest 3:She's saying no, clearly saying no to Pepe.
00:32:39Guest 3:Sure, sure.
00:32:40Guest 3:So finally, the last shot of the cartoon is the cat chained up in Pepe's Paris apartment.
00:32:47Guest 3:And she's chained up, and Peppy's got a big smile on his face, and the cat breaks the fourth wall.
00:32:53Guest 3:She's looking at the audience like, if you let this happen, you're complicit in this rape.
00:32:58Guest 3:Please, for the love of God, help.
00:33:01Guest 3:And she's got tears welling up in her eyes, and Peppy just winks at the camera and shuts the door.
00:33:06Guest 3:Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:33:09Guest 3:Is that it?
00:33:09Guest 3:And I'm like, holy... So I'm like, okay.
00:33:12Guest 3:Later, another time I tried Popeye.
00:33:14Guest 3:Again, not realizing that most Popeyes were about Bluto.
00:33:19Guest 3:Remember Bluto?
00:33:20Guest 3:Yeah.
00:33:20Guest 3:Bluto trying to rape Olive.
00:33:21Guest 3:Yeah.
00:33:22Guest 3:And he wasn't carrying her on her shoulder back to his place to have cookies and tea.
00:33:27Guest 3:Right.
00:33:28Guest 3:And then Popeye would usually eat spinach and just beat the living shit out of him so badly that he'd be in the hospital with just broken bones and face.
00:33:37Guest 3:Right.
00:33:37Guest 3:because Bluto tried to rape his girlfriend.
00:33:39Marc:So here you were trying to set a good example for your kid, and you realized, holy shit, the stuff we grew up on was much more violent, just in a different way, a cuter way.
00:33:47Marc:Yeah, don't watch gunplay.
00:33:48Marc:Watch rape.
00:33:48Marc:Yeah.
00:33:50Marc:Yeah, that's a good message for the kids.
00:33:52Marc:Thank you.
00:33:53Marc:All right, Dave Polano, thank you for joining us.
00:33:55Marc:That was a great talk.
00:33:56Marc:Thanks, Mark.
00:33:57Marc:I like the garage.
00:33:58Marc:His story about Miramax and the LA Times, you can go to the LA Times website.
00:34:03Marc:What's it called?
00:34:03Guest 3:Yeah, I remember when I titled it.
00:34:05Guest 3:I think it's called Cut.
00:34:07Guest 3:Cut.
00:34:07Marc:Oh, really?
00:34:08Guest 3:Yeah.
00:34:08Marc:Well, you can do David.
00:34:10Marc:What is it under David Polano?
00:34:11Marc:Dave.
00:34:12Marc:D-A-V-E-P-U-L-L-A-N-O.
00:34:14Marc:Do a search and read the article.
00:34:16Marc:Thanks for coming.
00:34:26Marc:Folks, I know that some of you know Howard Kramer, and we were going to have him on the show, but he couldn't make it, and for some reason his brother just showed up.
00:34:37Marc:And I don't even really know his brother.
00:34:39Marc:You're Howard's brother.
00:34:41Guest 1:Yeah, what's up?
00:34:42Marc:How you doing?
00:34:43Guest 1:Yeah, he couldn't come, so I said, I could come for you.
00:34:47Guest 1:I don't do a lot of comedy, but I could fill in, so you're not burning a bridge by not fulfilling a commitment.
00:34:55Marc:So you're watching your brother's back.
00:34:56Guest 1:Yeah.
00:34:57Marc:And what's your name?
00:34:58Marc:Lee.
00:34:59Marc:Lee.
00:35:00Marc:Yeah.
00:35:00Marc:And so now- What's up?
00:35:03Marc:I'm Lee.
00:35:04Marc:It's nice to see you, man.
00:35:07Marc:So Howard just told you, did he- Yeah, he couldn't come.
00:35:09Guest 1:He wasn't feeling well.
00:35:11Guest 1:So then I said, I'll come so that somebody shows up.
00:35:16Guest 1:Somebody's physically there.
00:35:18Marc:Do you have any jokes or anything?
00:35:20Guest 1:I don't have a lot of jokes.
00:35:22Guest 1:I don't do a lot of comedy.
00:35:23Guest 1:My brother's the comedian.
00:35:25Guest 1:Do you get along with your brother?
00:35:27Guest 1:Yeah, he's good.
00:35:27Guest 1:He's not that funny.
00:35:29Guest 1:We grew up.
00:35:32Guest 1:He said he wanted to be a comedian.
00:35:34Guest 1:I said, you weren't even the funniest person in our bedroom.
00:35:39Marc:So you thought you were the funny guy?
00:35:41Guest 1:Yeah, I was funnier.
00:35:42Marc:Yeah, are you still funnier?
00:35:44Guest 1:Yeah.
00:35:46Marc:Now, when Howard does it, he does an impression of you.
00:35:49Guest 1:Yeah, I've heard it.
00:35:50Marc:Does it bother you?
00:35:52Guest 1:It doesn't bother me.
00:35:53Guest 1:It doesn't sound like me.
00:35:54Guest 1:It's not the way I talk.
00:35:57Guest 1:Friends have heard it.
00:35:59Guest 1:They think it's good, but personally, I don't hear it.
00:36:03Marc:What about the rest of your family?
00:36:05Marc:Do they like it?
00:36:06Guest 1:um you know i don't know i don't i don't talk to i show up for thanksgiving i eat the food for about 45 minutes then i go upstairs to my cousin's room i tear all the blankets and sheets off of both of the beds i pile them up in the middle of the room i turn the heat up to about 98 and then i just go to sleep
00:36:29Marc:So you like to eat?
00:36:34Guest 1:Eating's good.
00:36:35Guest 1:I like food.
00:36:37Guest 1:I like to eat it.
00:36:39Guest 1:What do you do for a living?
00:36:40Guest 1:I'm a CPA.
00:36:41Guest 1:Resigned to my fate.
00:36:43Guest 1:Yeah.
00:36:43Guest 1:Did you have other dreams?
00:36:46Guest 1:I was going to be just like a guy who has sex with chicks.
00:36:52Guest 1:How's that going?
00:36:54Marc:Good.
00:36:54Marc:Yeah?
00:36:55Marc:You have sex with a lot of chicks?
00:36:56Guest 1:Yeah.
00:36:57Marc:Yeah?
00:36:57Guest 1:Yeah.
00:36:58Marc:Do you date anybody now?
00:36:59Guest 1:I sort of do.
00:37:03Guest 1:I can't talk about that.
00:37:04Guest 1:Okay.
00:37:04Marc:All right.
00:37:05Marc:I understand.
00:37:05Marc:So now, is Howard going to do the show at some point?
00:37:09Guest 1:I think, you know, hopefully he'll feel better.
00:37:12Guest 1:But basically, we woke up today, and then he said that he didn't feel good.
00:37:17Guest 1:And then I said, well, we'll do about that pod.
00:37:19Guest 1:You got to go do that Marc Maron podcast.
00:37:21Guest 1:Yeah.
00:37:22Guest 1:And then he said, I don't think I can make it.
00:37:25Guest 1:Yeah.
00:37:25Guest 1:And then I said, well, why don't I?
00:37:27Guest 1:I'll go.
00:37:28Guest 1:I'll go down to the podcast so that somebody will be there.
00:37:33Marc:Well, I appreciate you coming, man.
00:37:35Marc:Yeah.
00:37:35Marc:You did a great job.
00:37:36Marc:Do you want something to eat?
00:37:37Marc:I got some stuff.
00:37:38Guest 1:I like food.
00:37:39Guest 1:Yeah.
00:37:39Marc:Like cereal?
00:37:40Guest 1:Cereal's good.
00:37:41Guest 1:What kind?
00:37:42Marc:I've got grape nuts.
00:37:44Guest 1:Grape nuts are good.
00:37:44Marc:You like grape nuts?
00:37:45Guest 1:I'll do it.
00:37:46Marc:You want raisins in it or anything?
00:37:47Guest 1:You can put raisins in it, sort of a snack.
00:37:51Guest 1:All right.
00:37:51Guest 1:And then as soon as I'm done eating it, I'm going to leave.
00:37:53Marc:All right.
00:37:54Marc:You're not going to go into my room and pull all the sheets off and put the heat on them?
00:37:58Guest 1:Oh, yeah.
00:37:59Guest 1:If I'm too tired, I'll do that.
00:38:01Marc:All right.
00:38:01Marc:Thanks, Lee.
00:38:02Marc:Say hi to Howard for me.
00:38:03Guest 1:Okay.
00:38:04Guest 1:He couldn't come today.
00:38:05Marc:I know.
00:38:11I know.
00:38:11Marc:That's it.
00:38:12Marc:That's our show.
00:38:13Marc:I'd like to thank my guest, Dave Polano, a great story, and also Howard Kramer's brother.
00:38:20Marc:What are you going to do?
00:38:22Marc:I guess Howard will be on next time.
00:38:24Marc:That's just the way it's going to go.
00:38:26Marc:Look for Howard in the next episode of WTF.
00:38:28Marc:As always, go to punchlinemagazine.com for all your comedy, industry, entertainment, and breaking news.
00:38:37Marc:Punchlinemagazine.com.
00:38:39Marc:And please go to wtfpod.com for justcoffee.coop links.
00:38:43Marc:If the coupon thing still exists,
00:38:46Marc:You can put WTF in the window at Just Coffee and get yourself a break on some Just Coffee coffee, Just Coffee co-op coffee, and also at WTF pod.
00:38:55Marc:Get on the mailing list so I can let you know when I'm coming to your place of business, because that's how I'm going to be doing my act now.
00:39:00Marc:I'm just going business to business.
00:39:02Marc:Get the people around, do a little show.
00:39:04Marc:Take a donation.
00:39:06Marc:No, if I come to a club or a venue, I'd like to let you know.
00:39:11Marc:But I am taking donations.
00:39:12Marc:As you know it, the podcast is completely listener-sponsored.
00:39:18Marc:And I think I have updated the link at PayPal, so if you subscribe, you can now put the size of the t-shirt that you will get.
00:39:24Marc:with your subscription.
00:39:26Marc:That's a $10 rolling donation, or you can go the other route and just donate a flat rate of your choosing.
00:39:32Marc:But I really appreciate you supporting and listening to WTF.
00:39:35Marc:And again, I hope you had a very safe and happy new year.

Episode 35 - Dave Pullano / Howard Kremer... maybe?

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