Episode 328 - Chad Daniels

Episode 328 • Released October 25, 2012 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Guest:are we doing this really wait for it are we doing this wait for it pow what the fuck and it's also what the fuck what's wrong with me it's time for wtf what the fuck with mark maron

00:00:24Marc:All right, let's do this.

00:00:25Marc:How are you?

00:00:25Marc:What the fuckers?

00:00:26Marc:What the fuck buddies?

00:00:27Marc:What the fucking ears?

00:00:28Marc:What the fuck nicks?

00:00:30Marc:What the fuck ionists?

00:00:32Marc:That's that.

00:00:33Marc:That is it.

00:00:33Marc:This is Mark Maron.

00:00:34Marc:This is WTF.

00:00:35Marc:Thank you for tuning in or choosing to tune.

00:00:39Marc:We're doing this.

00:00:41Marc:Thank you for doing this.

00:00:43Marc:I'm a little under the weather.

00:00:45Marc:I just shot for 13 hours today.

00:00:47Marc:It's an interesting day.

00:00:49Marc:Very excited about my guest today.

00:00:50Marc:He's one of these guys that a lot of you probably haven't heard of, but you should.

00:00:55Marc:But he lives a life.

00:00:56Marc:He has a life.

00:00:56Marc:He's chosen to live a life of his choice as opposed to live here in Los Angeles and roll the dice on potentially being miserable.

00:01:07Marc:But he's a great comic.

00:01:08Marc:I saw him.

00:01:09Marc:I met him at the Grand Rapids, the big laugh fest up there.

00:01:14Marc:And he's from Minnesota, still lives up there.

00:01:19Marc:But he's just a pro, a seasoned pro with a unique point of view and a great delivery.

00:01:23Marc:His name's Chad Daniels.

00:01:25Marc:He will be here shortly.

00:01:27Marc:I will talk to him.

00:01:28Marc:I'll tell you a little bit about what's going on with me.

00:01:30Marc:I'll sell you a little something and we'll move through this.

00:01:35Marc:I don't want to deprive you just because I'm so fucking busy.

00:01:38Marc:And I am fucking busy.

00:01:40Marc:And, you know, I'm not complaining.

00:01:43Marc:I definitely am not complaining.

00:01:45Marc:I will tell you this, that there's been no sign of boomy.

00:01:48Marc:I'm adjusting to that, not giving up hope, keeping him in my heart.

00:01:53Marc:And hopefully I'll be surprised.

00:01:55Marc:I tell you, I get these letters and, you know, there's hope there.

00:01:58Marc:I just hope my cat's one of those miracle cats.

00:02:01Marc:And that travels and maybe someone will find him and bring him back.

00:02:06Marc:It's like it's amazing.

00:02:07Marc:He was in he was in Florida.

00:02:10Marc:Somehow he made it to your mother's.

00:02:13Marc:I don't know if that's going to happen.

00:02:14Marc:But look, I a couple of things.

00:02:16Marc:What happened today?

00:02:17Marc:Oh, the director of one of the directors of my show.

00:02:20Marc:There's a few directors involved.

00:02:24Marc:Bobcat Goldthwait is one.

00:02:26Marc:Luke Matheny and Rob Cohen.

00:02:30Marc:What happens on sets is sometimes people do nice things like they have food trucks come and Rob had an ice cream truck come and I had something I'd never had before in my entire life, which was a vanilla cone soft serve, but good soft serve, you know, the denser soft serve dipped in real milk chocolate.

00:02:48Marc:I'm destroyed.

00:02:49Marc:I'm ruined.

00:02:51Marc:Now I can't stop thinking about it.

00:02:53Marc:I have other things to think about.

00:02:54Marc:I have to get into the script for tomorrow, but I can't get this off my mind.

00:02:58Marc:A cone dipped in real milk.

00:03:00Marc:It was like, I'm not even going to use the analogy of crack.

00:03:03Marc:It was exactly what it was.

00:03:05Marc:Isn't that just as damaging as crack as that first drag on that pipe?

00:03:14Marc:Damn it.

00:03:16Marc:We spent the last three days shooting at a hotel, and I would say it was a lower budget hotel, but it was interesting because it was a two-tiered lower budget hotel.

00:03:26Marc:I don't want to say the name of the hotel.

00:03:27Marc:It's not important, but it was a lower budget hotel, but part of the hotel was an extended stay.

00:03:35Marc:Residence-style hotel.

00:03:37Marc:And it was connected.

00:03:38Marc:And there was a sign at the beginning of the hallway into the residence part of the hotel.

00:03:43Marc:I guess there were nightly rentals, and then there was this whole other chunk that they'd made into a residence or extended stay hotel.

00:03:51Marc:There was actually a disclaimer saying that the hotel was not responsible for anything that goes on in the extended stay residence part.

00:04:01Marc:There was literally a ghetto within...

00:04:04Marc:the hotel I was we were working at there was a class struggle a class system within the hotel there were the rooms they ran out for nights or weeks or days and then there was the bad neighborhood down that hallway it was bizarre and this was not the kind of hotel that you go to when you visit this is the kind of hotel that you end up at when you've blown it somehow when things didn't work out

00:04:32Marc:kind of place where you see people and you're like, oh my God.

00:04:36Marc:But people were coming.

00:04:37Marc:I literally wanted to get one of the camera guys and just go door to door in the extended stay portion of the hotel and just say, hey, what's up?

00:04:45Marc:Can we talk about what's going on with you and how you got here and where you've been?

00:04:51Marc:That's the show.

00:04:53Marc:Just call it Extended Stay.

00:04:56Marc:That's the show.

00:04:58Marc:That's not the show we shot, but I've got to dream, people.

00:05:02Marc:And when you're in these kind of hotels and we're shooting in these rooms, there was really moments.

00:05:06Marc:And this could happen in any hotel if you spend time on the road where you're like, ugh, what's gone on in here?

00:05:13Marc:And in this type of hotel, you can pretty much count on just about anything.

00:05:20Marc:I mean, the walls were jaded.

00:05:22Marc:Like it's not the, if these walls could talk, you just knew that they were like, oh God, I can't even get into it.

00:05:31Marc:That's what the walls and the carpet was saying that it's like, don't even do yourself a favor.

00:05:36Marc:Don't look at me.

00:05:38Marc:That's what these walls were saying.

00:05:39Marc:Don't fucking look at me.

00:05:44Marc:But we did it.

00:05:45Marc:It was bizarre.

00:05:46Marc:It was a bizarre bit of shooting.

00:05:49Marc:We're done there.

00:05:50Marc:We move on to a restaurant tomorrow.

00:05:53Marc:I had to have fake sex with my fake girlfriend in some scenes.

00:05:59Marc:The girlfriend playing a fictionalized version of my girlfriend.

00:06:03Marc:And I was nervous about it, but there's conversation about it.

00:06:06Marc:Obviously, we weren't naked.

00:06:07Marc:I was wearing two pairs of underwear.

00:06:08Marc:She was wearing three pairs of underwear.

00:06:09Marc:We couldn't have been more packed in.

00:06:13Marc:But there's still that element.

00:06:15Marc:I can act like I'm having sex.

00:06:17Marc:I'm not sure I'm not doing that when I'm actually having sex.

00:06:23Marc:But there were moments where I'm like, well, what happens?

00:06:26Marc:I live with my girlfriend.

00:06:27Marc:We're good.

00:06:29Marc:But I'm a person.

00:06:30Marc:I'm a man.

00:06:30Marc:What if I get aroused?

00:06:33Marc:That must happen.

00:06:35Marc:Of course it happens.

00:06:37Marc:So we're doing these things, and some of them were a little broad for a certain purpose, but we're definitely grinding.

00:06:46Marc:We're faking sex.

00:06:51Marc:And I was so hung up.

00:06:52Marc:You got a camera crew and you want it to look real or you want it to look broader than it really is in some shots.

00:06:58Marc:But there was part of me that's like, well, don't get aroused.

00:07:01Marc:That would be embarrassing.

00:07:03Marc:And I'm definitely not a guy that can have sex in front of other people, I don't think.

00:07:08Marc:But then I started to think like this seriously crossed my mind.

00:07:12Marc:It's like, well, will she be offended or disappointed if I don't get aroused during the fake sex?

00:07:19Marc:So I was having performance anxieties about not having sex with somebody I was supposed to look like I was having sex with.

00:07:24Marc:I mean, that was I don't even know if that's meta or convoluted or just a type of neurosis that I had not experienced before.

00:07:31Marc:It's like, you know, walking away from a fake sex scene.

00:07:34Marc:Well, I was wearing two pairs of underwear, and she was wearing three, and I'm like, I got nothing.

00:07:38Marc:I got no wood.

00:07:38Marc:Nothing was maybe a little, but I wonder if she's going to look down at me as less of a man because I didn't get hard during our fake sex.

00:07:50Marc:Wow, that was a level of sexual insecurity that I have not experienced before.

00:07:56Marc:All right, that's what's going on.

00:08:00Marc:I got to get some sleep.

00:08:00Marc:I got to study my lines.

00:08:02Marc:I don't want to get sick.

00:08:02Marc:I've been gargling with salt water.

00:08:05Marc:I've been snorting salt water.

00:08:06Marc:I've been eating vitamin C's.

00:08:08Marc:I've been eating oregano.

00:08:09Marc:I've been drinking water.

00:08:12Marc:Go have an ice cream cone, a vanilla ice cream cone dipped in real milk chocolate because that will fuck you up.

00:08:25Guest:You know, you're talking about the garage.

00:08:27Marc:Yeah.

00:08:28Guest:And you think this.

00:08:29Marc:No, I mean, some people say that.

00:08:31Marc:I know.

00:08:31Marc:I mean, but it's still a garage.

00:08:32Marc:It's a legitimate garage.

00:08:34Marc:I mean, there are spiders.

00:08:36Marc:That's a garage door, old style.

00:08:40Marc:Get out and open it yourself.

00:08:41Marc:This garage was built in, I think, like in the 20s.

00:08:45Marc:So that was the way they did it then.

00:08:47Marc:I kept that intact.

00:08:48Marc:Obviously, we aren't the same doors.

00:08:50Marc:I actually don't know what the original door was like.

00:08:52Marc:So what did you picture?

00:08:55Marc:Seriously.

00:08:56Marc:I guess just a garage.

00:08:58Guest:A suburban garage.

00:08:59Guest:Yeah, like a garage door opener that you have to click.

00:09:02Marc:You have to pull your car out to do it.

00:09:04Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:09:05Marc:Hold on.

00:09:05Marc:Let me get some stuff out of the way.

00:09:07Marc:Watch that oil stain.

00:09:08Marc:That kind of thing?

00:09:09Guest:Yeah.

00:09:10Marc:No, sir.

00:09:11Marc:So you asked me, after assessing my property, Chad Daniels from, were you in Michigan?

00:09:19Guest:Minnesota.

00:09:20Marc:Minnesota, that's right.

00:09:20Guest:Yeah.

00:09:21Marc:I met you in Michigan.

00:09:22Guest:That's right, yeah.

00:09:23Marc:And I've been told that you lead some sort of mountain life.

00:09:27Guest:I'm up there a ways, about an hour and a half from Canada.

00:09:29Marc:You're one of those guys that you're doing great comedy, yet you refuse to come to where show business is.

00:09:38Marc:I do.

00:09:39Marc:On principle.

00:09:41Guest:Well, not on principle, on wife, I think is more like it.

00:09:44Guest:I did the road for so long, drove all over the country.

00:09:48Marc:When did you start doing comedy, and how come I never fucking saw you ever until I went to the Festival of Michigan?

00:09:54Guest:Because I'm doing, you know, I was for a long time doing shit gigs.

00:09:58Guest:Yeah.

00:09:59Guest:Just any gig I could get my hands on just to get my name out there.

00:10:02Guest:And finally, when I kind of settled down and had a normal schedule, I let my wife pick where we were going to live, and she picked our hometown where we grew up.

00:10:09Guest:So kind of a hard burn.

00:10:11Marc:You married the woman that you grew up with?

00:10:13Marc:Yeah, fifth grade I met her.

00:10:14Marc:Have you been together since then?

00:10:18Guest:That's creepy.

00:10:18Guest:I've been just picture me jacking off to my wife as a fifth grader.

00:10:24Marc:Pretty gross.

00:10:25Guest:Were you?

00:10:25Marc:No.

00:10:26Marc:I have no sense of what fifth grade means.

00:10:28Marc:You have children, so you get to re-understand what it's like to have kids.

00:10:33Guest:Oh, it's so fun seeing them come through it and not being involved in it.

00:10:37Guest:Watching a boy go through puberty when you're not going through puberty is the best.

00:10:40Marc:Really?

00:10:41Marc:Well, it's just great to watch them so awkward.

00:10:44Marc:I know.

00:10:44Marc:When I see them, it almost hurts me.

00:10:46Marc:It makes I feel uncomfortable for them.

00:10:51Guest:How old's your son?

00:10:52Guest:He'll be 13 on July 19th.

00:10:54Guest:Okay, so it's happening.

00:10:55Guest:Yeah.

00:10:56Guest:Oh, yeah, it's happening.

00:10:58Guest:Hey, Dad, could you have a razor?

00:10:59Guest:I got these whiskers over my lip.

00:11:02Guest:I'm getting teased at school.

00:11:03Guest:Teased?

00:11:04Guest:You're the man.

00:11:05Guest:Was he really getting teased?

00:11:08Guest:Yeah.

00:11:08Guest:Everyone was a nice stash.

00:11:09Guest:That's what they were saying to him.

00:11:11Guest:You should be proud of that.

00:11:11Guest:That's what I said.

00:11:12Marc:What the hell's wrong with him?

00:11:13Guest:I said, in L.A., man, you'd fit right in.

00:11:15Guest:Hell yeah, man.

00:11:15Marc:Grow the handlebars.

00:11:16Marc:Do the whole thing.

00:11:17Marc:Get that going.

00:11:18Marc:But, okay, so you started doing it, so you've been at it for how long?

00:11:21Marc:98.

00:11:23Marc:So 14 years.

00:11:24Marc:Wow.

00:11:25Marc:Yeah, I mean, so that's, well, there's part of me that's like, yeah, it's about as long as, no, it's not.

00:11:30Marc:I've been doing it longer than that.

00:11:31Marc:I'm fucking old already.

00:11:32Marc:98, though, but that's 14 years.

00:11:34Marc:That's for real.

00:11:35Marc:Yeah, that's a long time.

00:11:37Marc:And you started in Minneapolis?

00:11:38Marc:At Acme.

00:11:39Marc:Yeah, that's a great club.

00:11:40Marc:That's a wonderful club.

00:11:41Marc:He just let me in there, back in there.

00:11:43Guest:Back in?

00:11:43Guest:Yeah, I was out.

00:11:44Marc:Yeah, you didn't like me.

00:11:45Marc:Thought I was a dick.

00:11:46Marc:I thought it was much more complicated than that.

00:11:47Marc:Turns out I was just an asshole.

00:11:50Marc:It's always nice when you can boil it down just to being an asshole.

00:11:52Marc:Yeah, when you sit around for 10 years going, oh, it must have been that time I burned down the condo.

00:11:57Marc:had sex with a waitress on the stage it wasn't that no he's just an asshole all right just a prick but um so okay so you you go on the road for 15 years you meet and when did you meet your wife i met her in fifth grade but i mean we i know that we dated uh as seniors in high school did you notice how i said i know that like that's old news man i mean we got that sorry to repeat that's behind us sorry to repeat that's behind us

00:12:20Guest:Yeah, dated her as a senior in high school.

00:12:23Guest:Yeah.

00:12:24Guest:Broke up in college to figure out how to have... We were just two kids not knowing how to have sex.

00:12:29Guest:Bumbling through it.

00:12:29Guest:That's right.

00:12:30Guest:Yeah.

00:12:30Guest:So figured that out a little bit.

00:12:32Marc:You had to go to college.

00:12:33Marc:I said, we got to take a break.

00:12:34Marc:I'm going to go learn how to fuck and come back.

00:12:36Marc:Yeah, exactly.

00:12:37Guest:Except the Baptist version, which was, we're just, let's take some time.

00:12:42Marc:Let's take some time to figure life out.

00:12:46Marc:But yes.

00:12:47Marc:Did she go take that time as well?

00:12:49Marc:Yeah.

00:12:49Marc:Oh, really?

00:12:50Marc:Yeah, which is great.

00:12:51Marc:Oh, and so you came back and you're like, how many did you tally up?

00:12:55Marc:Didn't ask.

00:12:56Guest:Really?

00:12:56Guest:Not interested.

00:12:57Guest:But you knew.

00:12:58Guest:no i still don't know but i just i have an idea i mean i don't think she was out whoring it you know for money at least that's what i tell myself and that's what i'm still don't even try to talk me out of it that's what i'm sticking you don't know the envelope she pushed you just figured you're lucky you got back in yep yeah yeah like i get my fingers close to her asshole and she's like what and i'm like that a girl see it didn't go that far good for you

00:13:24Marc:yeah so now we're talking at least we're double digits yeah we're not triple digits we're double digits right good well i'm glad you guys have that understanding yeah doesn't she do something uh you know insanely impressive well she's a genetics professor that's pretty it's yeah it's it's uh did you have to go through i don't know it some tests

00:13:43Marc:In order to marry her?

00:13:45Marc:Was she like, let me just... I got her pregnant before we got married.

00:13:48Marc:Oh, really?

00:13:49Marc:So that was kind of a... So she said, well, those are strong genes.

00:13:52Marc:Those are good.

00:13:53Guest:Yeah.

00:13:54Marc:Was that on purpose?

00:13:55Guest:No.

00:13:56Guest:No, I was actually... So I started doing comedy.

00:13:59Guest:Six months into it, I got asked to go to Grand Forks, North Dakota to a place called the Comedy Gallery.

00:14:06Guest:You lucky bastard.

00:14:07Guest:Yeah.

00:14:07Guest:How great was that?

00:14:08Guest:That's right.

00:14:09Guest:I got to house emcee six shows a week, but I had to host karaoke after them.

00:14:13Guest:No, you didn't.

00:14:14Guest:I did.

00:14:16Marc:What is up there, man?

00:14:17Guest:Well, there's the University of North Dakota.

00:14:20Guest:It's actually a pretty big city because it's Grand Forks on the North Dakota side, East Grand Forks on the Minnesota side.

00:14:25Guest:I don't want to condescend it to Dakota.

00:14:27Marc:I just have no real sense of what happens there.

00:14:29Guest:Yeah, and I didn't know what was going on either.

00:14:31Guest:And then I head up there for an audition week, and I'm up there with this guy that I guess just did something at the Montreal Comedy Festival, got a big deal.

00:14:40Guest:His name is Mitch Hedberg.

00:14:41Marc:Yeah, I've heard of him.

00:14:42Guest:And so I was like, who is this sweet-ass dude with blue glasses?

00:14:47Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:14:48Guest:Who rocks and can't look you in the eye.

00:14:50Guest:Yeah, and just immediately when I met him said, want to go to the liquor store?

00:14:54Guest:And I was like, yeah, all right.

00:14:55Guest:This is going to be fun.

00:14:56Guest:It's going to be a great six months.

00:14:58Guest:So did that, got asked to come back.

00:15:00Marc:A six-month...

00:15:00Marc:you did like a six month uh what do you call it when a when a professor sabbatical yeah you know we're not a sabbatical when you're actually yeah you you go someplace and you're you're teaching there for oh like transfer i don't know what that is but that's what you did that's basically it was a six month gig in north dakota and that seemed like a good idea oh no it didn't i didn't know what i was getting into i just i needed i felt it was a step forward in comedy for some reason and it was you and mitch for six months

00:15:27Guest:No, it was just Mitch for the week.

00:15:28Guest:And then everybody, you know, switched in and out, but just a normal club.

00:15:32Guest:But I house emceed.

00:15:33Guest:And then two weeks into it, my girlfriend at the time called and told me she was pregnant.

00:15:38Guest:And I was like, Jesus.

00:15:39Guest:So I said, all right, I'll pack up my stuff.

00:15:41Guest:And she goes, no, I probably won't need you here until the third trimester.

00:15:44Guest:So finish that.

00:15:45Guest:And then I'll come back.

00:15:46Marc:And that's when you realize like she's perfect.

00:15:49Guest:Yeah.

00:15:49Guest:This is crazy.

00:15:51Guest:And you came back and you married her.

00:15:53Guest:Yeah, doesn't want me to come home when she's pregnant.

00:15:55Guest:Yeah.

00:15:56Guest:Shuns the asshole advancements.

00:15:59Guest:I mean, this is the girl of my dreams.

00:16:02Guest:So I came back and, you know, she's known me for a long time and I was always kind of a goofball.

00:16:07Guest:So she had a little faith in me and put up with it.

00:16:10Marc:But she's a genetics professor.

00:16:13Guest:Yeah, now.

00:16:13Guest:Yeah, she was working at the University of Minnesota in a lab at the time.

00:16:16Guest:And she teaches at the University of Minnesota?

00:16:19Guest:No, she teaches now at a community college because we went back to our hometown.

00:16:23Guest:That's the only school there.

00:16:25Guest:They have genetics at a community college?

00:16:27Guest:Yeah, she started a genetics program there.

00:16:28Marc:I had no idea.

00:16:30Marc:Is that a practice?

00:16:31Marc:I always picture community colleges as sort of either that's going to make or break a kid.

00:16:36Marc:You know what I mean?

00:16:37Marc:It's like, go try it.

00:16:38Marc:If this doesn't work for two years, find a trade.

00:16:42Guest:Yeah, I've always said community college is two more years of partying before Johnson's plumbing becomes Johnson & Sons plumbing.

00:16:48Guest:That makes sense to me.

00:16:50Marc:But what is it?

00:16:51Marc:Does she get a good crowd at the genetics lectures?

00:16:53Guest:No, like four or five in a class.

00:16:55Guest:So she's got four or five in a class, and then she, you know, but they get this for cheap.

00:17:01Guest:Right.

00:17:01Guest:Or they would be paying a lot more at another school.

00:17:03Guest:So they come here for two years, and it's kind of...

00:17:06Guest:It's a good thing to tell kids, why don't you come to this school?

00:17:11Guest:She's not tenured because that's not what they call her.

00:17:12Marc:We're the only community college in this country that has a genetics department.

00:17:17Guest:Is that in the catalog?

00:17:19Guest:They were ranked 10, the top 10, I guess.

00:17:21Guest:I don't want to condescend community colleges.

00:17:23Guest:You should.

00:17:23Guest:I went there.

00:17:24Guest:You did to that one?

00:17:25Guest:I went to that exact one.

00:17:26Guest:I go to gatherings for her work, and I see a guy that failed me in trigonometry three times.

00:17:33Marc:Are you winning yet?

00:17:36Marc:Do you have any sort of attitude about it?

00:17:40Marc:It'll happen.

00:17:41Guest:No, I still feel like the little kid that's like, Mr. Johnson.

00:17:44Marc:I refused to go back to any of my high school reunions, so I had at least one Letterman under my belt.

00:17:49Marc:I just couldn't.

00:17:50Marc:I just couldn't handle it.

00:17:52Marc:I could not handle the conversation.

00:17:54Marc:Even with the Letterman, it's still sort of like, well, how are you doing?

00:17:57Marc:What are you doing?

00:17:57Marc:I'm a comic.

00:17:58Marc:I'm like, really?

00:17:59Marc:I've never... Exactly.

00:18:01Marc:I was on Letterman.

00:18:02Marc:No, I didn't see it.

00:18:03Marc:I was.

00:18:04Marc:Bring the cue card with you.

00:18:05Guest:What about this?

00:18:06Marc:Let me show you.

00:18:07Marc:On my iPhone, I got a YouTube...

00:18:08Marc:you know but uh no but i i didn't i was that proud people don't get it people you know if you say you're a comedian they there's no success until you're on covers of magazines even then if only if they see the magazine yeah even right yeah i mean it took my mother until a year ago to realize that maybe i was doing something you know what i mean because you tell you you tell especially the older generation you're like did you watch me on that show it's too late and i don't like i don't like that fella

00:18:34Marc:So you can't win.

00:18:36Guest:You get a lot of parents that, you know, a lot of comedians talk about, oh, my parents didn't want me to be a comedian.

00:18:40Guest:My mom, and I'm not kidding, was so happy I was just not living with her because she saw me attend tri-community college.

00:18:47Guest:I was just like, oh, my God, this is going to be a long, long time he's with me.

00:18:51Guest:This is going to be a long childhood.

00:18:52Guest:This could go on well into his 30s.

00:18:54Guest:Yeah, I might just, instead of putting him in the will, just might hand him the keys as I'm dying because he'll be there.

00:19:01Marc:Is she so sweet she's happy?

00:19:03Marc:Yeah, she's very excited that I'm out of the house, two kids, wife.

00:19:06Marc:It's so funny when I, I don't remember who I was talking to, but like, you know, because road guys, or just comics in general, the information gets sort of, you know, fucked up along the way.

00:19:16Marc:And I brought your name up and someone said, hey, his wife's a brain surgeon.

00:19:21Marc:I'm like, that explains why he's not leaving.

00:19:24Marc:She's got a good gig.

00:19:25Marc:She's a brain surgeon.

00:19:27Marc:That might have been me drunk one night for all I know.

00:19:30Marc:Genetics professor at a community college I like much better.

00:19:33Marc:There's something noble about that.

00:19:34Marc:I mean, brain surgeon is certainly selfish and noble, but a community college genetics professor, I mean, that's a fucking indie film.

00:19:41Marc:You're sitting on top of a gold mine.

00:19:43Guest:I think a community college genetics professor, you really just have to be a teacher there.

00:19:48Guest:Yeah.

00:19:48Guest:And you can just tell people because they don't know.

00:19:50Guest:Sure.

00:19:50Guest:Right.

00:19:51Guest:And she does some cool things.

00:19:52Guest:I went in one day when she was doing a CSI project.

00:19:54Guest:Oh, really?

00:19:55Guest:And that was really neat.

00:19:56Guest:You had to figure out who... It was like a whodunit type thing.

00:19:58Marc:Oh, so to get people interested, she said, this is how we solve a murder with genetics.

00:20:02Marc:Yeah.

00:20:03Marc:Which was pretty neat because a lot of kids showed up for that.

00:20:05Marc:So tell me about this fucking town.

00:20:08Marc:I mean, again, I don't mean to say fuck so much, but I mean...

00:20:10Marc:I got a friend who grew up in Montana.

00:20:14Marc:It's a small town.

00:20:16Marc:There were cows involved.

00:20:17Marc:Now, you grew up in a small town in Minnesota.

00:20:20Marc:What does that look like for you?

00:20:22Marc:Did your dad wake you up, make pancakes, and then you went and did man's work somewhere?

00:20:27Guest:No, there's 15,000 people.

00:20:30Guest:All right.

00:20:30Guest:And I'd, you know, just, you know, basketball hoop in the driveway.

00:20:35Guest:Yeah.

00:20:35Guest:Stuff like that.

00:20:36Guest:My dad, you know, he wouldn't wake me up.

00:20:39Guest:He'd still be hungover.

00:20:41Guest:So I'd go in, steal money out of his pockets, and go buy baseball cards.

00:20:45Guest:Because then he'd wake up and be like, oh, shit, I spent a lot of money last night.

00:20:49Guest:I'd be just sitting there, Mark McGuire rookies.

00:20:51Marc:Yes.

00:20:52Marc:Hide him when he comes in.

00:20:53Marc:Oh, exactly.

00:20:54Marc:What did he do?

00:20:55Marc:What was the business?

00:20:56Marc:He was a liquor salesman.

00:20:57Marc:Really?

00:20:57Guest:A drunk liquor sale?

00:20:58Guest:Yeah.

00:20:59Guest:So pretty good.

00:20:59Marc:Yeah.

00:21:00Marc:He got himself set up.

00:21:02Marc:He knew what he needed.

00:21:05Guest:How could I be drunk all the time?

00:21:07Guest:And make money.

00:21:08Guest:I could sell booze.

00:21:10Guest:But we had booze in our garage constantly.

00:21:12Guest:Crates of it.

00:21:13Guest:So you're the most popular guy in high school.

00:21:15Guest:Well, actually it was older kids because I wasn't in high school at the time.

00:21:18Guest:I was maybe sixth grade.

00:21:19Guest:So I'm not drinking.

00:21:20Guest:Right.

00:21:20Guest:So I have all the older kids in the neighborhood telling me, leave your door unlocked or we're going to beat the shit out of you.

00:21:24Guest:Really?

00:21:25Guest:And so I did a couple times, and then I got a call from my dad's boss.

00:21:29Guest:It was like, well, tell him he needs to call.

00:21:30Guest:We're missing inventory.

00:21:32Guest:And I thought, I'm ruining my family.

00:21:34Guest:When parents get divorced, they're like, it's not your fault.

00:21:36Guest:They're like, bullshit.

00:21:38Guest:I left the garage door unlocked.

00:21:39Guest:I had to.

00:21:40Guest:So a couple of guys, finally I say, you know what?

00:21:43Guest:I'm just going to take an ass whooping.

00:21:44Guest:Yeah.

00:21:44Guest:So I say, nope, you guys do what you have to do.

00:21:46Guest:And I stand out there.

00:21:48Guest:I get hit a couple of times and there's a tree service that's doing some work a couple of yards away.

00:21:54Guest:And there's these two guys who can rip trees out of the ground without machinery.

00:22:00Guest:He comes over and just lays an ass whooping on these guys.

00:22:03Guest:And I was like, oh man.

00:22:04Guest:Yeah.

00:22:05Guest:Perfect.

00:22:05Guest:Then he said, give me the booze.

00:22:06Guest:No, no.

00:22:07Guest:That was it.

00:22:08Guest:That was it?

00:22:08Guest:That was it.

00:22:08Guest:They never asked me again.

00:22:10Guest:My dad still lost his job.

00:22:12Guest:He did?

00:22:12Marc:Oh, so he didn't own the liquor store?

00:22:14Guest:No, he sure didn't.

00:22:15Marc:Oh, sorry, man.

00:22:16Marc:That's all right.

00:22:17Marc:What did he end up doing after that?

00:22:19Guest:Well, I don't know.

00:22:20Guest:Okay.

00:22:21Guest:He took off to Las Vegas.

00:22:22Guest:And that was it?

00:22:22Guest:Nobody's heard of him.

00:22:23Guest:Is that true?

00:22:24Guest:Heard from him.

00:22:24Guest:Is that true?

00:22:25Guest:Yeah.

00:22:25Guest:Oh, my God.

00:22:27Guest:He came one time when my kids were alive.

00:22:29Guest:How old were you?

00:22:30Guest:I was probably...

00:22:33Guest:I had to have been 18 when he finally left because when I went to college and called for a phone bill and get the electric set up in my apartment, they were like, you owe us $700.

00:22:45Guest:And I was like, what do you mean?

00:22:47Guest:Were you living in Fargo?

00:22:48Guest:And I was like, oh, my dad stole my identity.

00:22:51Guest:Sweet.

00:22:52Guest:So Mark, listen to this.

00:22:55Guest:So I go in, I go in to get a car and they pull up my credit report.

00:23:00Guest:They're like, it says here you owe $40,000 in child support.

00:23:04Guest:And I was like, oh, awesome.

00:23:06Guest:So I called my mom.

00:23:07Guest:Hey mom, I'm just going to keep 20,000.

00:23:10Guest:Give Alyssa, my sister, the other 20,000.

00:23:12Guest:That's cool with you.

00:23:13Guest:Yeah.

00:23:14Guest:Just ridiculous to find out.

00:23:16Guest:Because he took my license and went in and made copies of it and obviously had my birth certificate and my social security number because he's my dad, you know?

00:23:24Guest:Of course he has all that information.

00:23:26Marc:Oh, my God.

00:23:28Guest:Yeah.

00:23:28Guest:I've never heard of that.

00:23:29Guest:Yeah, crazy.

00:23:30Marc:And how long did it take to get out from under that shit?

00:23:33Guest:It was a long time.

00:23:34Guest:I had to prove that I was living with my mom.

00:23:36Guest:Does he have the same name or anything?

00:23:38Guest:No, he just...

00:23:39Guest:He just took your identity?

00:23:41Guest:Yeah.

00:23:42Marc:Do you have any brothers or sisters?

00:23:43Marc:Do you have a sister?

00:23:43Guest:I have a little sister, yeah.

00:23:45Marc:Oh, my God.

00:23:46Marc:So you're 18 years old, ready to start your life, and your father- Here we go.

00:23:50Marc:You're in debt.

00:23:51Marc:Yeah.

00:23:52Marc:And he just went on a tear?

00:23:53Guest:Yeah.

00:23:54Guest:I got a lot of my buddies when I graduated high school.

00:23:56Guest:They're like, all right.

00:23:57Guest:Their dads were like, you're going to come work for me, and then you're going to have this business.

00:24:01Guest:I was kind of going the other way.

00:24:03Guest:All right, you're going to work to get out of this shit that I started, and then you're on your own.

00:24:08Marc:I'm sorry to laugh.

00:24:09Guest:No, it's okay.

00:24:10Guest:It's hilarious, I think.

00:24:11Guest:I mean, my life has worked out great, so I can't complain about little things.

00:24:15Marc:Oh, that could have been so bad.

00:24:15Marc:No, but do you have some party that's like, you know, I'm going to fucking settle it with this guy?

00:24:20Marc:I mean, is there some party?

00:24:22Guest:No.

00:24:23Guest:No.

00:24:23Guest:None.

00:24:24Guest:You're done with it.

00:24:25Guest:Yeah.

00:24:25Guest:I just, it doesn't really bother me.

00:24:27Guest:I was 18.

00:24:28Guest:My sister was 13, so she had a little problem because it's normally, you know, daddy's little girl type of thing.

00:24:32Guest:Yeah.

00:24:33Guest:But I was 18.

00:24:33Guest:He had shown me, you know, taught me how to play catch, taught me how to shoot hoops, taught me, you know, what I needed to know.

00:24:39Marc:Yeah.

00:24:39Marc:Maybe how not to drink too much.

00:24:41Guest:I didn't drink.

00:24:42Guest:Yeah.

00:24:42Guest:I didn't drink until I was 20.

00:24:43Marc:Really?

00:24:43Marc:Yeah.

00:24:44Marc:See, it goes either way with that.

00:24:45Marc:And, you know, when you have the alcoholic dad, either you're, yeah, that's a curse.

00:24:49Marc:It's going to take generations to a race if you can.

00:24:52Guest:Right.

00:24:52Guest:Well, some people join in just so they can be like, all right, now we're a team to beat the shit out of other people instead of you coming home, taking the wrench on me.

00:24:59Marc:Yeah.

00:25:00Marc:Let's go out together.

00:25:01Yeah.

00:25:01Marc:So he took off when you were 18.

00:25:03Marc:That was it.

00:25:03Marc:You didn't see him again.

00:25:04Guest:I saw him one other time.

00:25:05Guest:He came back.

00:25:06Guest:He gave me for confirmation class, which is like a Lutheran catechism thing.

00:25:12Guest:Yeah.

00:25:12Guest:He gave me these old dollar bills in a frame that were like silver prints and blue.

00:25:20Guest:Yeah.

00:25:20Guest:One of them had both sides stamped on the same side.

00:25:25Guest:So it's like in baseball card trading when you have one that's wrong, it's worth more.

00:25:28Guest:Right.

00:25:29Guest:So he called me and he was like, I'm out in Vegas.

00:25:32Guest:I just saw a dime that had both sides stamped on the same side.

00:25:36Guest:Sell for $750,000.

00:25:39Guest:I'm coming to get that dollar bill.

00:25:40Guest:We'll split it.

00:25:42Guest:So I said, you know what?

00:25:45Guest:I don't need you coming around.

00:25:47Guest:And he goes, nope, I'm coming.

00:25:50Guest:So he shows up and I was like, I'm not going to put up with this shit for five years.

00:25:54Guest:So I just, he came in.

00:25:55Guest:I gave him the thing.

00:25:58Guest:My son had been born.

00:26:00Guest:And so my son, which is a weird conversation, is like, who's that?

00:26:03Guest:You're not going to be like, that's grandpa.

00:26:06Guest:So I go, yeah, it's just a buddy.

00:26:08Guest:He came to pick some stuff up.

00:26:10Oh, no.

00:26:10Guest:What else do you do?

00:26:12Guest:For a little kid, that would totally... He's like, where's my new grandpa?

00:26:19Guest:Don't give him your name.

00:26:20Guest:He's getting us $375,000.

00:26:21Guest:And how did that pan out?

00:26:25Guest:Never heard back.

00:26:27Guest:Never heard back.

00:26:29Guest:I feel bad for laughing.

00:26:31Guest:I don't think you should.

00:26:33Guest:I mean, it's just the way you tell it.

00:26:35Guest:If you pulled me off the street and you were like, why are you living on the streets?

00:26:41Guest:That's one thing.

00:26:42Guest:But my dad!

00:26:43Guest:You know, that's one thing.

00:26:45Marc:It's a two-sided dollar bill.

00:26:48Marc:The same-sided.

00:26:48Marc:It just fascinates me how fucked up they can be, the fathers.

00:26:54Marc:It is nuts.

00:26:55Marc:And after a certain point, you realize, oh, he's not how he was capable of... You actually have to be proud of yourself.

00:27:02Marc:I don't know how I put this together, because I put this together.

00:27:06Marc:Whoever I am.

00:27:07Marc:Yeah.

00:27:08Marc:Because that, you know, that example, and I, you know, I didn't have anything that dramatic, but maybe in some ways it's almost better if it's, you know, cut and dry.

00:27:17Marc:Like, you know, oh, he's just, he didn't even pretend to show up or chip in or whatever.

00:27:23Guest:Yeah, well, my mom is great, too.

00:27:25Guest:I mean, I think moms are, for the most part, great.

00:27:28Guest:You never hear a mom saying, I have to babysit my kids tonight.

00:27:31Guest:That's always the dad.

00:27:32Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:33Marc:So my mom was terrific.

00:27:35Marc:And she's terrific.

00:27:35Guest:Or is terrific.

00:27:36Marc:Yeah, and she was always there.

00:27:38Marc:She put up with him for long enough, though.

00:27:40Marc:Do you ever wonder about that?

00:27:40Marc:Like, how the fuck do they...

00:27:42Guest:put up with that shit for so long it was it had to have been the kids yeah I mean I was looking for of course looking for uh for money you know what all that phone bill and stuff was probably all the money I stole out of his pocket when he was sleeping oh that so we're probably even yeah yeah but uh I was looking around in their drawers and found all these letters and so of course yeah I wanted to read them and it was just like I've put up with this for the last time oh really as a kid you're like oh my god this is great two Christmases yeah

00:28:07Marc:Oh no.

00:28:08Marc:I can't wait.

00:28:09Marc:I just, uh, but like when you, um, like my brother's got a bit of a vengeance in terms of raising his kids different.

00:28:16Marc:Oh, sure.

00:28:17Marc:Yeah.

00:28:17Guest:I mean, did you experience that?

00:28:18Guest:I mean, I just, I mean, I truly wake up and I'm like, all right, let's see what happens today.

00:28:23Guest:I have no clue how to parent.

00:28:25Guest:If like, I have a buddy who's having a baby in September and he, you know, he's asking me all these things.

00:28:31Guest:Like, well, what do I do about this?

00:28:32Guest:And like, I don't fuck, I don't know.

00:28:33Guest:Yeah.

00:28:34Guest:I don't know anything.

00:28:35Guest:What did you do?

00:28:36Guest:Exactly.

00:28:37Guest:I don't even know because it was like game time decision.

00:28:41Guest:It was just panic?

00:28:42Guest:Yeah.

00:28:42Guest:Okay, it's here.

00:28:44Guest:You know, it's like I just kind of go with the flow with the kids.

00:28:49Guest:I hope they end up all right.

00:28:51Marc:But was there that moment where, because I don't have kids, and I think it's bad that I don't have kids, because I don't fully acknowledge how immature I am or that I'm aging, those kind of things.

00:29:04Marc:I think when you see a kid growing, you're like, oh, fuck, I must be aging as well.

00:29:09Marc:Sure.

00:29:10Marc:And there's a selflessness that's supposed to happen, not clearly by our father's example, but...

00:29:16Marc:that you know i think is healthy but you can't have kids because like it doesn't make me a better person if i have a kid but when you had this kid which it seemed to be sort of a surprise and you had the career going was there that panic of like i'm fucked i mean i can't no yeah i mean i did have some people call me and tell me kids ruined comedy careers and so but you did can you name those people i know i will not but i will say that they've completely made my career better

00:29:41Guest:I mean, obviously you don't know.

00:29:42Guest:It's like when you see someone in a movie and you're like, they couldn't have cast that better.

00:29:45Guest:Well, how do you know?

00:29:46Guest:Because that's who they cast.

00:29:47Guest:But this is my life and I love it.

00:29:49Guest:And so it's tough to complain.

00:29:51Guest:And I think my kids are a huge reason that I like doing comedy still and that I have my, I'm pretty level headed.

00:29:59Guest:Yeah.

00:29:59Guest:When I'm on the road, you know, I'm not out chasing tail.

00:30:02Guest:I'd go out on Fridays with the staff.

00:30:04Guest:Right.

00:30:04Guest:But I want to be sober when I get home.

00:30:06Guest:Hang out with the other comics.

00:30:08Marc:So you don't show up stinky and tired for two days.

00:30:10Marc:Daddy's got to rest.

00:30:11Marc:Yeah.

00:30:12Guest:But you were just gone.

00:30:13Guest:I don't care.

00:30:14Guest:This is my life.

00:30:16Marc:Go play with the ball, I got you.

00:30:21Marc:So that's good.

00:30:22Marc:You're a responsible guy.

00:30:24Marc:But how does it feel now?

00:30:26Marc:I mean, what are we here talking about?

00:30:28Marc:You just put out a live special, right?

00:30:31Guest:Yeah, I taped a special at Acme because I was trying to figure out a way to get people to come see me.

00:30:37Guest:And so I thought, you know, if you trick people to getting it into a theater, get them into a theater, then it's like, oh, this is what Chad Daniels shows are like.

00:30:44Guest:Well, I'm in comedy clubs right now.

00:30:46Guest:So it's at a comedy club and it's exactly the show.

00:30:51Guest:It's called As Is.

00:30:52Guest:Yeah.

00:30:53Guest:And you can see that on laughspin.com or you can see that on comedypower.com.

00:30:59Guest:It's free.

00:31:00Guest:Yeah, it's free.

00:31:00Guest:It's absolutely free.

00:31:01Guest:I have a CD out as well called You're the Best, which will be out too.

00:31:05Guest:And that's on Comedy Central Records?

00:31:07Guest:That's on stand-up records.

00:31:08Marc:Oh, damn, Chalistle.

00:31:10Marc:You're the best?

00:31:11Marc:Yep.

00:31:12Marc:So the plan that you went with was, well, I'm going to shoot this thing.

00:31:16Marc:Did you do a three-camera shoot?

00:31:17Guest:I did a six-camera shoot, but I did... Six?

00:31:19Guest:You doubled it up.

00:31:21Guest:I didn't... Were you wearing one on your head?

00:31:22Guest:No, I... Were you wearing an audience camera?

00:31:26Guest:Comic cam?

00:31:26Guest:Yeah.

00:31:27Guest:They only have 12-minute chips, so I needed to make sure we still had all the angles when they were changing them out, so that's why I did it, because I did it with a...

00:31:35Guest:their hand they look like regular cameras i don't know what they're called yeah yeah those are fancy yeah this guy ryan brennan did uh the 20th anniversary for acme and i loved how crisp it looked yeah so that's what i want you were happy with the way it came out yeah i think it's great i mean we lost uh like 150 seats putting in cameras and everything right so there's 120 people in the in the show perfect but it's you know yeah i listen to comedy albums and i don't care if the audience is laughing if i think it's funny it's funny

00:32:02Marc:Right, but I think also when you have a smaller crowd, the type of laughter is much more rewarding.

00:32:09Guest:I think so, too.

00:32:09Marc:Because you can almost hear each individual person.

00:32:11Marc:It's not this weird, vague, like, you know what I mean?

00:32:14Guest:The roar, yeah.

00:32:14Marc:Yeah, yeah, the layered roar.

00:32:16Marc:I've done a couple of theaters where I'm feeling a little off my game.

00:32:22Marc:And not because I didn't sell out the theaters.

00:32:24Marc:They were just big shows, festival shows.

00:32:26Marc:And I honestly do not love them.

00:32:32Marc:Yeah, I could see that.

00:32:33Marc:I mean, because there's that thing where you got to switch your timing up.

00:32:37Marc:Everything's got to have this efficiency to it.

00:32:40Marc:If you rush through something or you hit two beats and they're not separated enough, the whole joke is lost.

00:32:45Marc:There's that thing where you're like with 120 people.

00:32:48Marc:It's like, well, we're one mind and now I can fuck around.

00:32:50Marc:Because I saw what you do briefly.

00:32:52Marc:And, you know, it strikes me as a guy that likes to, you know, fuck an audience off a bit.

00:32:56Marc:Sure.

00:32:58Yeah.

00:32:58Guest:i like to uh bully a crowd into into loving me i think that see that yeah we'll push and you know and see you still like me how about now well i think you have to i think it gets boring otherwise i mean i can't sit up there and tell these stories if i'm you know if someone's staring off into space get their attention or if someone's not laughing if they you know they're looking at a different angle yeah i can jab them a bit and see sure

00:33:22Marc:Yeah, but, yeah, I mean, spending that much time doing those rooms, I don't even know what those rooms look like.

00:33:26Marc:I'm not real, like, I understand, like, you brought up Lutheran.

00:33:30Marc:You know, I hear about Lutheran a lot because it's Minnesota.

00:33:34Marc:Right.

00:33:34Marc:But I don't know what that really means as a religion.

00:33:36Marc:I hear it's, you know, my association with Lutheran is some sort of, like, weird kind of, you know, passive guilt-distributing religion that Garrison Keillor is involved with.

00:33:45Guest:Well, Martin Luther.

00:33:46Guest:Isn't he the leader?

00:33:48Marc:Garrison Keillor is not the leader?

00:33:49Guest:He is the leader.

00:33:50Guest:But, yeah, he took it over for Martin Luther.

00:33:52Guest:who was the one guy that said, I promise if you get me out of this trouble, I will never do this again.

00:34:00Guest:He's the one guy that stuck with it.

00:34:01Guest:Okay.

00:34:02Guest:And so that's where Lutheranism comes from.

00:34:04Guest:And Lutherans are the first people to go to church, and then they're the first ones to yell, catch the fucking ball at the football game right after church.

00:34:14Guest:Right.

00:34:14Guest:They're the first ones to, they just washed away their sins.

00:34:17Guest:Yeah, and now let's get started.

00:34:18Marc:They're the first ones to let it ride.

00:34:19Marc:We got a week now.

00:34:20Marc:Yeah.

00:34:21Marc:We can just, you know.

00:34:22Marc:But I mean, but it's known like as Minnesota and your family is there for generations or?

00:34:27Marc:Yeah.

00:34:28Marc:Really?

00:34:28Marc:Like, do you know where they came from?

00:34:29Marc:Your wife's a genetic professor.

00:34:31Marc:Did you track it down?

00:34:32Marc:My grandpa and grandma off the boat from Germany.

00:34:36Marc:Oh.

00:34:37Marc:And started a farm.

00:34:38Marc:So they were part of that, were they part of that period where people like Minnesota was like, we need people to farm this shitty land?

00:34:47Yeah.

00:34:47Guest:Yeah, probably.

00:34:48Marc:Yeah.

00:34:48Marc:I mean, I think there was a movement.

00:34:50Marc:I think, I don't know if it was, it seems like that's a little too early in the generations, but there was actually, they were offering good deals on land because it was so hard to farm to people from Russia and Eastern Europe who knew how to farm that type of terrain.

00:35:03Marc:They're like, come on, we got a deal.

00:35:04Marc:Make this shit work.

00:35:05Guest:We got a $20 gift card for you if you listen to our timeshare spiel for Minnesota.

00:35:10Yeah.

00:35:10Guest:Exactly.

00:35:11Marc:It's hard living.

00:35:12Marc:That's right.

00:35:13Marc:$20 gift card.

00:35:14Marc:Lots of lakes.

00:35:15Marc:You like to swim?

00:35:16Marc:Yeah.

00:35:17Marc:What kind of farm?

00:35:19Guest:I have no clue.

00:35:19Guest:I know they had animals.

00:35:21Guest:That's it?

00:35:22Guest:Yeah.

00:35:22Marc:You don't have that in your past?

00:35:23Marc:Let's go to Grandma's farm.

00:35:25Guest:Yeah, but I still don't know what they farmed.

00:35:27Guest:I shot pistols.

00:35:28Marc:that's that's what you did that's your memory of grandma's house grandpa took you out back and well grandpa and grandma moved in to town before i but great great grandpa had a farm okay both sides where'd that land go who knows really not me farm aid yeah you don't know what happened to it i have no clue was i talking to you about that i feel like i was just talking to somebody about like a family farm and it's just sort of like what happened to the property

00:35:52Marc:I don't know.

00:35:53Guest:Yeah, I have probably some golf course somewhere that I can't get into.

00:35:57Marc:But I don't get a sense of like, did you ever do, like when you say Dakota, like I don't know much about the American Indian.

00:36:06Marc:Do you?

00:36:06Guest:I know they get angry if you pick on them.

00:36:12Guest:And this doesn't even come from Dakotas.

00:36:14Guest:This comes from New Mexico.

00:36:15Guest:I was doing a casino in New Mexico.

00:36:17Guest:Performing.

00:36:18Guest:Yeah.

00:36:18Guest:Where?

00:36:18Guest:I grew up in New Mexico.

00:36:19Guest:It was in Albuquerque.

00:36:22Guest:What's the capital?

00:36:22Guest:Santa Fe.

00:36:23Guest:This makes me sound really stupid.

00:36:24Guest:I was in Santa Fe.

00:36:25Guest:Yeah.

00:36:26Guest:And...

00:36:28Guest:And finally, I'm just getting hassled.

00:36:29Guest:So I said, if Walt Disney would have driven through here, I can tell you he wouldn't have drawn Pocahontas all skinny and cute and shit.

00:36:36Guest:Ooh.

00:36:37Guest:Well, five minutes later, I'm being escorted to my hotel room by two security guards.

00:36:42Guest:Big Indian guys.

00:36:42Guest:And people are going fucking bonkers.

00:36:45Guest:The other comedians are getting yelled at.

00:36:47Guest:It was insane.

00:36:48Guest:It was almost as if they were like, let's hire three white guys to come in here and just let's yell at them.

00:36:54Guest:Really?

00:36:54Guest:What were they yelling?

00:36:55Guest:The whole time.

00:36:56Guest:Just like, oh, you suck, white boy.

00:36:58Guest:Which I don't get into.

00:37:00Guest:I don't care.

00:37:01Guest:I mean, you're born white.

00:37:01Guest:You win.

00:37:04Guest:It's pretty ridiculous.

00:37:05Marc:It's the way it's set up.

00:37:06Marc:It's pretty ridiculous.

00:37:07Marc:I think it's changing a little, but we'll see.

00:37:09Marc:It's going to be a few more decades.

00:37:11Marc:I'll be dead by then.

00:37:13Guest:I don't care.

00:37:14Marc:Yeah.

00:37:14Marc:So you couldn't even finish your set?

00:37:16Guest:Oh, I got 15 minutes into it.

00:37:18Guest:And you dropped that one bomb and that was it?

00:37:20Guest:Yeah, that was the end of it.

00:37:21Guest:Oh, that's fucking great.

00:37:22Guest:Just sitting on the corner of my bed panicking like, I hope they don't... Somebody's got to know the security guards and the security guards are probably going to be friends with them and they're going to tell them what room I'm in.

00:37:30Guest:And they got a key to the room.

00:37:31Marc:Yeah.

00:37:32Marc:Yeah, and I'm in trouble.

00:37:33Marc:You're going to be like a man called Horace hanging from a tree with pierced fucking boobs and then you become one of them.

00:37:41Marc:Then all of a sudden you're like a dealer.

00:37:43Yeah.

00:37:43Marc:Dances with wolves.

00:37:44Marc:Yeah, it's you, man.

00:37:45Marc:Tatanka.

00:37:46Marc:I do the road a lot, but still, I don't know why the northern... What do you call the... What is that area of the country?

00:37:53Marc:The Midwest?

00:37:53Guest:Northern Plains states?

00:37:54Marc:Yeah.

00:37:55Marc:I mean, I know the people in a general way eat a lot.

00:38:00Guest:Yeah.

00:38:00Marc:Very fat people.

00:38:01Marc:And big.

00:38:02Marc:They're large people.

00:38:03Guest:And there doesn't seem to be much shame around it.

00:38:05Guest:Well, I think it comes from people used to farm.

00:38:08Guest:So they used to have those big meals, but then they'd go out in the fields and burn everything off.

00:38:13Guest:Right.

00:38:14Guest:But now people have those big meals and they're just like, all right, let's watch The Biggest Loser.

00:38:18Guest:Right.

00:38:18Guest:Yeah.

00:38:19Guest:The farm is in their mind.

00:38:20Marc:Yeah.

00:38:20Marc:And they don't even go there anymore.

00:38:22Marc:Oh, no.

00:38:23Marc:So, all right.

00:38:24Marc:So the kids are 13 and what?

00:38:25Marc:Eight.

00:38:27Marc:All right.

00:38:27Marc:So I got this...

00:38:30Marc:I guess this girl now kind of wants to have kids.

00:38:32Marc:Like, it's on the table for me.

00:38:34Marc:Okay.

00:38:34Marc:How old are you?

00:38:35Marc:37.

00:38:35Marc:See, you got it in.

00:38:36Marc:So, you know, you're in, like, now, like, I'm looking at, like, Daddy's tired.

00:38:41Marc:But, you know, can you sell me on it?

00:38:44Guest:I mean... I don't know.

00:38:46Guest:It's different.

00:38:46Guest:I mean, I love it.

00:38:48Guest:But I'm...

00:38:49Guest:My daughter is going to have graduated high school by the time I'm your age.

00:38:53Guest:I don't want to rub that in.

00:38:54Guest:I'm just telling you.

00:38:55Guest:You'll be done.

00:38:55Guest:So, yeah.

00:38:56Guest:For most practical purposes.

00:38:57Marc:So, by the time I'm 50.

00:38:58Marc:You'll know whether you succeeded or failed.

00:39:00Marc:Right.

00:39:00Marc:And, you know, you'll be meeting potential husbands and wives.

00:39:04Guest:Yeah, exactly.

00:39:05Guest:So, but right now, I mean, my son's going to be 13.

00:39:08Guest:We just have an airsoft war.

00:39:09Guest:It's like a BB gun, except it's little plastic BBs.

00:39:11Guest:Yeah.

00:39:12Guest:You still use CO2 gas.

00:39:13Guest:I mean, I broke his skin on his knuckle.

00:39:15Guest:I didn't obviously try.

00:39:16Guest:Yeah.

00:39:17Guest:But he comes, he's like, I'm bleeding.

00:39:19Guest:Thanks a lot.

00:39:20Guest:Father.

00:39:21Guest:Like rubbing it in like, you know, your dad might've stolen your identity, but at least he didn't shoot you in the knuckle.

00:39:27Guest:So do you wear goggles for this?

00:39:29Guest:Oh, absolutely.

00:39:30Guest:Yeah.

00:39:30Guest:I let him wear completely head to toe gear, except his hand was exposed.

00:39:35Guest:And I'm a really great shot.

00:39:36Guest:Good for you.

00:39:37Guest:Yeah.

00:39:37Guest:You should have taught him a lesson.

00:39:39Guest:So we do that stuff, and I'm glad I have energy to do that.

00:39:42Guest:Otherwise, sitting around and instructing from a perch.

00:39:46Guest:A rocking chair.

00:39:47Guest:Throw the ball.

00:39:49Guest:I'll get it.

00:39:49Guest:You're doing it great.

00:39:50Guest:No.

00:39:51Guest:You pull it back behind your shoulder, release by the ear.

00:39:55Marc:And hit my glove, because I'm not running after it.

00:39:58Marc:Yeah, so I feel that.

00:39:59Marc:But there's not a lot of room to throw the ball around here anyways.

00:40:02Marc:But when you have a kid...

00:40:05Marc:So there it is.

00:40:06Marc:And you know you've got to keep it alive fundamentally.

00:40:09Marc:And it doesn't require a lot of space initially, correct?

00:40:12Marc:Yeah, you're right.

00:40:13Marc:You put it in a crib and you buy it some things that hang.

00:40:16Guest:Yeah, and you can move it anywhere you want.

00:40:17Guest:Right.

00:40:18Guest:You can put it in your room.

00:40:18Guest:It's great.

00:40:19Guest:Put it in the hallway.

00:40:20Guest:I will tell you, if you put it in your room, you're going to be putting it in your room for a long time.

00:40:24Guest:Really?

00:40:25Guest:So that is the one thing I'm going to tell you.

00:40:27Guest:Put up with the first two months of the nonstop crying.

00:40:30Guest:You're going to think like you're a horrible human being.

00:40:32Guest:Right.

00:40:33Guest:This baby is crying and I'm not letting it sleep with us.

00:40:36Guest:Yeah.

00:40:37Guest:But then it's going to go away.

00:40:38Guest:Yeah.

00:40:38Guest:Otherwise, you're going to have a seven-year-old sucking his thumb in your bed.

00:40:41Guest:You're going to want to have sex and you can't.

00:40:44Marc:Because the kid's there.

00:40:45Marc:Yeah.

00:40:45Marc:Because you don't have the guts to say it's time to go.

00:40:48Guest:Right.

00:40:48Marc:You're not moving out of the house.

00:40:49Marc:You're moving out of the room.

00:40:50Guest:Yeah.

00:40:51Marc:And so you didn't have any of them in the room?

00:40:53Marc:No, absolutely not.

00:40:54Guest:And even when they were sick, I would sleep on their bedroom floor.

00:40:56Guest:I still wouldn't let them in our room.

00:40:58Guest:I mean, it sounds like a warden, but I just didn't want to even introduce that as something that was possible.

00:41:05Guest:So they're going to have kids, and they're going to be like...

00:41:08Guest:Holy shit.

00:41:09Guest:Babies don't disintegrate when you bring them into your room.

00:41:12Marc:I mean, they're going to absolutely- But was it like to the point where when they were old enough to cry and know they were sick and talk, they'd come and knock on the door and be like, I'm sick.

00:41:19Marc:And be like, no, go back to bed.

00:41:21Marc:I'll come in there in a minute and deal with it.

00:41:22Guest:Well, yeah, I'd get up and I'd put them back to bed and kind of lay with them in their bed for a bit.

00:41:27Guest:And then I'd lay on their floor if they needed anything.

00:41:29Guest:Yeah.

00:41:29Marc:don't get to come in my room that's a that's a thing that's a rule you didn't want to destroy your sex life is basically i just didn't want to that's the one room i can shut the door and it's that my room that's it no one else right so well now how the daughter's eight yeah see like my friends got twins and they're 15 now girls oh my gosh right i mean how's you know how's that gonna you know it's gonna be all right interested yeah but they're doing all right okay good

00:41:56Marc:Yeah.

00:41:57Marc:No, they're good parents.

00:41:57Marc:But I saw them from when they were babies sort of in and out become these people.

00:42:03Marc:And don't you have these moments of complete terror that you're going to just tell them the wrong thing?

00:42:10Guest:Oh, my daughter's fit for a fucking straitjacket already.

00:42:12Guest:Really?

00:42:12Guest:I mean, she's nonstop.

00:42:14Guest:She never is quiet.

00:42:17Guest:She came home from kindergarten.

00:42:19Guest:I said, how was your first day of kindergarten?

00:42:21Guest:Yeah.

00:42:21Guest:Well, there's only two boys in my class that are handsome.

00:42:23Guest:Yeah.

00:42:23Guest:Oh, this is great already.

00:42:25Guest:At eight.

00:42:25Guest:Good.

00:42:26Guest:Yeah.

00:42:26Guest:So that was at five even.

00:42:28Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:42:28Guest:So I just didn't want people thinking I sent an eight-year-old to kindergarten.

00:42:33Guest:That's why I corrected you.

00:42:36Guest:He is a good dad.

00:42:38Guest:What an asshole.

00:42:39Guest:Holds them three years back.

00:42:41Guest:Doesn't let them in his room.

00:42:43Marc:Keeps them locked up until they're eight and then sends them to school and they're two years behind everyone else.

00:42:47Marc:See if you can do it, giant.

00:42:50Marc:I'll show you.

00:42:51Marc:But like, how does your wife like, I mean, how does it split up?

00:42:56Marc:There are moments where you're like, I can't do this.

00:42:59Guest:You do it.

00:42:59Guest:No, I mean, my wife already has problems with my daughter.

00:43:03Guest:Really?

00:43:05Guest:There's already that arguing where my daughter will argue longer with my wife.

00:43:10Guest:And I just kind of say, no, this is how it's going to go.

00:43:13Guest:Yeah.

00:43:14Guest:Because I told my daughter, I said, you know...

00:43:17Guest:If someone says, I brought someone back to life by using M&Ms and you're like, nope, they were Skittles, right?

00:43:25Guest:That is an argument you need to have because if you're going to bring someone back to life, you need to know what you used.

00:43:30Guest:But if I said, oh, I was going down the hill and I dropped a Skittle.

00:43:33Guest:No, it was an M&M, dad.

00:43:35Guest:I don't need to hear that shit.

00:43:36Guest:It doesn't matter.

00:43:37Guest:You just need to know I dropped something.

00:43:39Guest:So I'm trying to teach her how to argue, what is important to argue about.

00:43:43Guest:With my wife, it's everything.

00:43:44Guest:Yeah.

00:43:44Guest:With me, now I'll just kind of give her a look like, are you kidding me?

00:43:47Guest:And she's like, okay, all right, you're right.

00:43:50Guest:Really?

00:43:50Guest:And I don't want to get her into this submissive woman role.

00:43:55Guest:Right.

00:43:55Guest:But I want her to know I'm not interested in this bullshit.

00:43:58Guest:I don't want to talk to you about this for a half hour like your mother does.

00:44:01Guest:I mean, my wife will come to me and she'll say, oh, I just argued with Isaac for a half hour.

00:44:07Guest:He's 12.

00:44:08Guest:Yeah.

00:44:08Guest:Why are you arguing?

00:44:10Guest:Say no, and then that should be the end of it.

00:44:12Guest:You're an adult and he's not...

00:44:13Marc:And you're his mother.

00:44:14Guest:Yeah, that should be the end of it.

00:44:17Guest:And sometimes, and I feel bad, I don't want to make her seem like she doesn't know what she's doing.

00:44:20Guest:She's a very competent parent, very great mother.

00:44:22Marc:Well, I think it's just a matter of sensitivity.

00:44:23Marc:It's like you want your kid to have their sense of self.

00:44:26Marc:Right.

00:44:27Marc:And I don't know who wins that argument.

00:44:31Marc:Between those two?

00:44:32Guest:Eventually her.

00:44:34Guest:But it's like, are you serious?

00:44:35Guest:She argues on his level, and that's the huge problem.

00:44:38Guest:Yeah.

00:44:39Guest:Because now he's kind of equipped.

00:44:41Guest:Right.

00:44:41Guest:But I just don't argue.

00:44:44Guest:Is it like the end of the discussion?

00:44:46Guest:I will say no, and then we'll meet at the kitchen table, and he will have to provide, and this is crazy, I know, another warden thing, but sit down and provide me with reasons he wants to do this thing.

00:44:57Guest:Yeah.

00:44:57Guest:And if he can change me, he's changed my mind before.

00:45:00Guest:Yeah.

00:45:00Guest:So, you know, I'll give him a chance, but I'm not going to argue for an hour about it.

00:45:05Guest:Not yes.

00:45:06Guest:Well, what about no?

00:45:08Guest:What about no?

00:45:10Guest:If you have three valid reasons to do something, meet me at the kitchen table and we can talk about it.

00:45:16Guest:But I'm not going to stand up here.

00:45:17Marc:So he's got to go prepare and then you'll sit down.

00:45:20Guest:He should have the reasons if he wants to do something.

00:45:22Marc:But you have to sit down and he has to make a case and you're willing to negotiate.

00:45:26Marc:You'll hear the case.

00:45:27Guest:Yeah, God, the way you describe it, it sounds just fucking horrible.

00:45:30Guest:But I'm not willing to argue.

00:45:33Guest:Yeah.

00:45:34Guest:It just takes too long.

00:45:35Guest:Yeah.

00:45:36Guest:And I don't want my kids to be little bitchy kids who, well, everyone else gets, you know, that kind of stuff.

00:45:41Marc:That's not a good reason.

00:45:42Marc:So he's 13.

00:45:44Marc:So he knows he can see things on the internet.

00:45:47Marc:He knows he can have a, does he have an iPhone?

00:45:49Marc:He does.

00:45:50Guest:Well, he has an iPod, which has internet.

00:45:52Marc:Uh-huh.

00:45:53Marc:And I mean, what kind of rules do you give these children?

00:45:57Guest:You know what?

00:46:00Guest:Honestly, I told him, don't do anything that's going to get your iPod taken away, and you know what that is.

00:46:06Guest:That's pretty much all I told him.

00:46:09Guest:There was no list of things?

00:46:10Guest:No, because he knows.

00:46:11Guest:I don't want him looking at nudie sites.

00:46:14Guest:Yeah.

00:46:14Guest:He knows, which the horrible thing is when I was a kid...

00:46:19Guest:When I was in fourth grade, I had a friend that lived down the block and his mom was an overnight nurse and they had HBO.

00:46:26Guest:So we stayed overnight all the time over there.

00:46:28Guest:And my parents had no idea she was gone.

00:46:30Guest:And we'd watch Porky's and Porky's Revenge.

00:46:32Guest:But it's tits.

00:46:34Guest:I don't mind that stuff.

00:46:34Guest:But the stuff you get on the internet now is hardcore.

00:46:37Marc:It's hard for me to look at.

00:46:39Marc:And I'm a 48-year-old man.

00:46:41Marc:There are moments on the internet I'm like, I can't.

00:46:43Marc:That is horrendous.

00:46:45Marc:Who likes this?

00:46:47Marc:He asks those questions.

00:46:49Guest:Yeah, that's going to hurt her neck.

00:46:50Guest:Yeah.

00:46:53Guest:So, I mean, I wouldn't mind if it was a 13-year-old kid looking at boobs, but it's not boobs anymore.

00:46:59Guest:I mean, it's everything.

00:47:01Marc:Have there been moments where he's seen something where it's just sort of like, you know, I don't know what to do with this.

00:47:06Marc:It was an accident.

00:47:07Marc:Does he come to you?

00:47:07Guest:No, my daughter did.

00:47:08Guest:My daughter started on a YouTube video for a Disney dance thing.

00:47:14Guest:She was trying to emulate the dance.

00:47:16Guest:And then as you know, there's suggestions on the side of YouTube.

00:47:19Guest:Yeah.

00:47:19Guest:And so you click further and further down into the rabbit hole.

00:47:22Guest:Yeah.

00:47:23Guest:And eventually she ended up seeing a lady simulating oral sex on a guy.

00:47:26Marc:Yeah.

00:47:27Marc:With what, a banana or something?

00:47:28Guest:No, no, no.

00:47:29Guest:I mean, like, so it's the front of him, and then her face is over his crotch, and she's bobbing her head up and down.

00:47:35Guest:Right, right.

00:47:36Guest:And so she went from Disney dance moves.

00:47:38Guest:Yeah, to that.

00:47:40Guest:Yeah.

00:47:40Guest:And what was that conversation?

00:47:42Guest:She has a Kindle Fire, and she brought that out, and she was like...

00:47:45Guest:I don't know if I'm supposed, can you tell me what this is?

00:47:48Guest:I don't know if I'm supposed to be looking at this.

00:47:50Guest:She's so honest.

00:47:51Guest:She's too honest for her own good.

00:47:53Guest:She's going to come home at 15, tell me she had sex, and I'm going to fucking die.

00:47:57Marc:But she'll do it like sort of like, I just, I did it and it was not great.

00:48:01Marc:I was clicking on these.

00:48:02Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:48:04Marc:I don't know if he did it right.

00:48:05Marc:I'm like, I can't have it.

00:48:06Guest:Well, I don't know.

00:48:07Guest:This is a bit that I do, so I don't want to seem like I'm doing that, but this is a real story.

00:48:12Guest:I walked into a room.

00:48:14Guest:She said, dad, can you come here?

00:48:15Guest:And I opened up the door and I said, what's up?

00:48:18Guest:And she said, well, I was scratching my privates and then my legs got tingly.

00:48:22Guest:And I was like, oh my God, focus.

00:48:24Guest:What are you going to do?

00:48:26Guest:So I tell her, I go, well, that's, yeah, that happens.

00:48:29Guest:You know, the privates are private.

00:48:31Guest:I'm panicking, right?

00:48:32Guest:Well, the private, like stuttering, you know, yours and the private, just trying to fumble away through it.

00:48:38Guest:Do not tell her what's happening, basically.

00:48:41Guest:Yeah, well, I just, you know, I said, and I said, you know, that makes your body do that.

00:48:47Guest:It makes your body feel good, but that's something that needs to, you know, that's a bedroom thing and whatever.

00:48:53Guest:That's why they call them privates.

00:48:54Guest:Right.

00:48:55Guest:fuck so i you basically just gave her license to masturbate as long as she did it in her bedroom but i yes yeah but i went because i didn't want to say no because i didn't know what that was bad right right right so um because my son called his dick the bad spot for like i got kicked in the bad spot i'm like you're not getting it it's not a bad spot it's a bad spot to get kicked right but it's a great thing to have you know

00:49:18Guest:where'd he get that was i don't know some interpretation of nasty like the or private that you know i mean i don't know where he got it from another kid or whatever because that's that's the one thing like you can teach your kids i i get homeschooling a little bit yeah but then you get kids that get out of homeschool and all of a sudden they're like what's this white powder it smells amazing oh my god i have so much energy

00:49:40Guest:Well, you don't want to do that.

00:49:41Guest:Right.

00:49:42Guest:So I went to, I was working in Chicago and I was at a hotel.

00:49:47Guest:Yeah.

00:49:47Guest:And they had a homeschool convention.

00:49:50Guest:Right.

00:49:50Guest:And these little kids are like, hello, sir.

00:49:52Guest:Pleasure to meet you.

00:49:53Guest:Sticking their hand up to shake your hand.

00:49:54Guest:You're like, fucking you creepy.

00:49:56Guest:They're creepy little kids.

00:49:58Guest:Were you performing for them?

00:49:59Guest:Not for them.

00:50:00Guest:Just at a club.

00:50:01Guest:They were just at your hotel.

00:50:03Guest:And when they'd taken over the pool with their adult-like mannerisms, it was disgusting.

00:50:07Guest:Right.

00:50:07Guest:Just go shit in a sandbox like a normal kid.

00:50:10Guest:How old were these kids?

00:50:11Guest:Little tiny kids, like seven and eight, putting their hands up to your face.

00:50:15Guest:Good evening, sir.

00:50:16Guest:Like, uh-uh.

00:50:16Guest:Nope.

00:50:17Guest:Good eye contact, but you're creepy.

00:50:19Marc:Isn't homeschooling sort of like an off-the-grid kind of Christian-y thing?

00:50:23Guest:Well, I think it's just to not let, you know, no homeschool kid had ever said I got kicked in the bad spot.

00:50:29Guest:Right.

00:50:29Guest:So I feel like that's where my kid got it was school or the bus or somewhere else.

00:50:34Marc:So you can't protect your kids from the influence of more powerful children.

00:50:37Marc:Right.

00:50:39Marc:Influential kids will fuck your kids up no matter what you do.

00:50:42Guest:Well, my daughter said shit.

00:50:43Guest:Yeah.

00:50:44Guest:In gym class.

00:50:45Guest:Yeah.

00:50:45Guest:And I got called in the principal's office.

00:50:47Guest:For that?

00:50:48Guest:Yeah.

00:50:48Guest:Wow.

00:50:48Guest:To talk about it.

00:50:49Guest:And he said, well, what if the other kids talk about this or say shit?

00:50:53Guest:And I was like, well, just, you just tell them, tell them not to say it.

00:50:56Guest:I didn't know how to do it.

00:50:56Guest:It's not my daughter's responsibility to raise the entire second grade for Christ's sake.

00:51:01Guest:Yeah.

00:51:01Guest:Was she supposed to give a public apology?

00:51:03Guest:Yeah.

00:51:04Guest:I don't know what it was about.

00:51:05Guest:I have no clue.

00:51:06Guest:I couldn't believe it.

00:51:07Guest:And the principal wasn't clear either, I guess.

00:51:09Guest:Yeah.

00:51:09Guest:And he said S-H-I-T.

00:51:10Guest:Your daughter said S-H-I-T in gym class.

00:51:12Guest:Yeah.

00:51:13Guest:And I was like, do you mean shit?

00:51:15Guest:We're both adults, right?

00:51:16Guest:We can.

00:51:17Guest:It was so ridiculous.

00:51:18Guest:We don't have to spell it.

00:51:19Guest:Yeah.

00:51:20Guest:I mean, she knows it.

00:51:21Guest:She fucking said it, right?

00:51:22Marc:And what did you did you have to bring your wife in with the tingly legs?

00:51:27Guest:No, I didn't.

00:51:27Guest:I had a doctor appointment the next day.

00:51:29Guest:So I asked him and he's like, just don't just tell her it's natural.

00:51:34Guest:It's a natural thing that happens.

00:51:35Guest:And I guess it happens a lot.

00:51:37Guest:I didn't know that.

00:51:38Guest:He said, she's probably done it before and you didn't know it.

00:51:42Guest:Like a lot of times parents will turn around and see their daughters in their car seat because that strap goes right up their crotch.

00:51:51Guest:Right.

00:51:51Guest:And their cheeks will be all flush and you just think it's because they're hot.

00:51:54Guest:Right.

00:51:54Guest:But they actually, the driving and the crotch strap.

00:51:58Guest:They're getting off.

00:51:59Guest:Yeah.

00:52:01Marc:So that's crazy.

00:52:02It is.

00:52:02Marc:Yeah.

00:52:02Marc:I had a cousin, I think, that had a fairly intimate relationship with a banister in my grandmother's house.

00:52:10Marc:A lot of working the banister.

00:52:14Marc:So when you're doing show business from this town, what's the town called?

00:52:18Marc:Fergus Falls.

00:52:19Marc:I mean, there's a lot of comics and certainly this show is a service to comics on some level.

00:52:25Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:52:27Marc:Like, I mean, do you find do you get frustrated?

00:52:30Marc:You know, I mean, do you find that you're finding your way in the business and that do you feel compelled?

00:52:36Marc:What was your attitude around coming to L.A.

00:52:39Marc:or doing what do you what do you want out of this thing, man?

00:52:42Guest:I just, I don't know.

00:52:43Guest:I like comedy.

00:52:45Guest:Like you said, I don't obviously want to work for 120 people a show for the rest of my life.

00:52:49Guest:But you're right.

00:52:50Guest:That intimate show is great because you can hear people laughing above everyone else.

00:52:58Guest:And you know that that person just absolutely got punched in the face by what you just said.

00:53:03Guest:So that is great.

00:53:04Guest:Maybe, maybe some writing.

00:53:07Guest:I mean, I don't know, you know, like I have a meeting coming up after this and I'm doing Conan tonight.

00:53:12Guest:So that's fun.

00:53:12Guest:I mean, airplanes have really made it easy to live where I live.

00:53:16Marc:So Conan's going to, so you're going to go over there and do standup?

00:53:19Marc:Yep.

00:53:19Marc:It's going to be fun, man.

00:53:20Marc:Have you been over there before?

00:53:21Marc:Yeah.

00:53:21Marc:Not to the TBS lot, huh?

00:53:23Marc:When did you do it?

00:53:24Marc:I did The Tonight Show.

00:53:25Marc:You did do The Tonight Show.

00:53:27Marc:I didn't get to do that.

00:53:28Marc:He's more comfortable now.

00:53:29Marc:You're going to have fun over there now.

00:53:30Marc:Yeah, it's going to be a blast.

00:53:31Marc:Yeah, because I don't know what The Tonight Show was like, but I have to assume it was a little tense.

00:53:37Guest:There was a lot of the executives in the emails that I got.

00:53:41Guest:The executives would like a suit worn.

00:53:43Guest:Right, right, right.

00:53:43Guest:But, I mean, it's The Tonight Show.

00:53:44Guest:It has a tradition.

00:53:45Guest:I completely understand that.

00:53:47Guest:Did they really?

00:53:47Guest:They wanted you to wear a suit?

00:53:49Guest:Mm-hmm.

00:53:49Guest:They wore a suit?

00:53:50Guest:I wore a jacket with a T-shirt underneath it.

00:53:51Guest:You can wear a suit tonight?

00:53:52Marc:Uh-uh.

00:53:53Marc:I'm not a suit guy.

00:53:54Marc:No.

00:53:55Marc:You're not.

00:53:56Marc:I don't see a suit for you.

00:53:57Marc:And you won the big Grand Rapids Comedy Festival?

00:54:00Marc:That's right.

00:54:01Marc:Yeah.

00:54:02Marc:Are you going to Montreal?

00:54:03Marc:Nope.

00:54:04Marc:No?

00:54:05Marc:Have you been there before?

00:54:05Guest:Yeah, I did New Faces in 04 and then Masters a couple years ago.

00:54:09Guest:Now, let's say you got a show.

00:54:11Guest:Would you move your family out here?

00:54:13Guest:I would.

00:54:13Guest:My wife did say, she said she would move here if it was worth it.

00:54:17Guest:And I think that would be a show or writing on a show.

00:54:21Guest:But you'd probably keep the place up there.

00:54:23Guest:I think so.

00:54:23Guest:I mean, my friends from L.A.

00:54:25Guest:come see me.

00:54:26Guest:I live on a river.

00:54:27Guest:I have two acres.

00:54:28Guest:They're like, holy shit, how much did this cost?

00:54:31Guest:Yeah.

00:54:31Guest:I just gave somebody a double stamp-sided dollar bill for this place.

00:54:38Guest:You got a good price on it, right?

00:54:40Guest:Well, of course.

00:54:41Guest:Because there's nothing up there.

00:54:42Guest:I live on a gravel road, but I'm on a loop, and I'm tucked way back in the loop down by the river.

00:54:47Guest:The guy next to me has horses, and he raises elk for the meat, so my kids get to see all these animals.

00:54:52Guest:It's great.

00:54:53Marc:So you live next to a zoo?

00:54:54Marc:Yeah, kind of, yeah.

00:54:55Marc:He raises elk?

00:54:56Guest:He raises elk.

00:54:57Marc:Does he come over with a slab elk meat occasionally?

00:55:00Guest:No, he does not.

00:55:01Guest:But we do hear them.

00:55:02Guest:My son came down in our room and he was like, hey, I think there's ghosts outside.

00:55:07Guest:And then we went outside and it was just elks having sex.

00:55:10Guest:So it was great.

00:55:11Guest:How did you explain that one?

00:55:12Guest:I told him there were elks having sex.

00:55:13Marc:Yeah.

00:55:14Marc:Is he, like, have you had to have that conversation?

00:55:17Guest:Yeah, he gets it.

00:55:18Marc:Yeah, he does?

00:55:19Marc:Yeah.

00:55:19Marc:How does that, I mean, he gets, I didn't get it.

00:55:22Guest:I just told him, I said, I go, hey, what do you know, what do you know about sex?

00:55:26Guest:Yeah.

00:55:26Guest:And I said, the more you tell me, the less you're going to have to listen to me talk about it.

00:55:31Guest:Right.

00:55:31Guest:And then he kind of was like, all right.

00:55:34Guest:I know you make out, and then you grab the boobs, and then you take the pants off.

00:55:40Guest:And I was like, all right.

00:55:41Guest:You do know a lot about sex.

00:55:43Marc:That's all he needs to know right now until he's about 15.

00:55:46Marc:And then maybe you have to tell him, you're probably going to want to go further than just taking the pants off now.

00:55:51Guest:And there's some precautions you should take.

00:55:52Guest:Yeah, we did tell, I told him, you know, you don't want to have to go.

00:55:56Guest:Imagine how frustrated you get with your little sister.

00:55:58Guest:What if you had one of those that you didn't get to leave when you were 18?

00:56:02Guest:And a baby.

00:56:03Guest:Yeah.

00:56:03Guest:No, yeah.

00:56:06Guest:Yeah.

00:56:06Guest:Oh, God.

00:56:08Guest:So what do you fish?

00:56:10Guest:Yeah.

00:56:11Guest:Fish.

00:56:11Guest:I don't hunt.

00:56:12Guest:Did you ever?

00:56:13Guest:I've never hunted.

00:56:14Guest:My dad didn't hunt and all my friends hunt.

00:56:17Guest:They do?

00:56:17Guest:My brothers-in-law hunt.

00:56:19Guest:They call me Auntie Chad when I stay home with the girls.

00:56:22Guest:Yeah.

00:56:22Guest:Which is nice.

00:56:23Guest:You got a problem with the killing?

00:56:24Guest:I'd probably start crying if I shot a deer.

00:56:26Marc:Could you fucking deal with it?

00:56:27Guest:And I don't want to... Auntie Chad's way better than me going, well, it was looking right at me.

00:56:33Guest:I don't need that.

00:56:34Marc:Never being able to recover from it.

00:56:36Marc:I shot a bird because of peer pressure when I was in probably sixth grade.

00:56:43Marc:And if I think about it now, it still hurts me.

00:56:45Guest:Yeah, I can't.

00:56:46Guest:I mean, a deer is as big as you, if not bigger.

00:56:49Marc:But they all justify it.

00:56:50Marc:Like, well, you got to keep the population under control or else they run out of food and it's seasonal.

00:56:54Guest:Well, it's fine.

00:56:55Guest:Well, go ahead.

00:56:56Marc:Yeah.

00:56:56Marc:Just don't, I don't have to.

00:56:58Marc:Do you eat deer meat?

00:56:58Guest:Yeah.

00:57:00Guest:As long as they bring it over?

00:57:01Guest:Your brother-in-law?

00:57:01Guest:Well, yeah, I'm not going to, deer jerky, yeah.

00:57:04Guest:I'm not going to absolutely look at a deer and shoot it.

00:57:06Guest:Yeah.

00:57:07Guest:And they're graceful.

00:57:07Guest:I saw a deer jump over a car once and I was like, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen.

00:57:11Guest:Why kill that?

00:57:12Guest:Can't shoot that thing.

00:57:13Marc:So you live around this weird hunting culture where they're just men with coolers and guns and stupid outfits?

00:57:18Marc:Lots of camouflage.

00:57:19Marc:Yeah, yeah, sure.

00:57:20Marc:Where they sit for hours, right?

00:57:22Marc:They'll just sit for hours in their camouflage, drinking, waiting for them.

00:57:26Guest:Covered in deer piss.

00:57:27Guest:Yeah.

00:57:27Guest:Oh, do they do that?

00:57:29Guest:Yeah.

00:57:29Guest:They do?

00:57:30Guest:Because then you don't smell like humans, you smell like deer, so the wind doesn't alert the deer.

00:57:35Guest:So they, but there's a- They spray themselves in deer urine.

00:57:38Marc:I never knew that.

00:57:39Marc:Yeah.

00:57:40Marc:And I think the deer wins a little.

00:57:41Marc:Even if they get killed, the deer wins a little bit.

00:57:44Guest:I completely agree.

00:57:45Guest:Yeah.

00:57:45Guest:Because, yeah, even if the deer's not physically pissing on you, they got you to put piss on yourself, and that's even worse.

00:57:53Marc:Yeah.

00:57:54Marc:It's almost like a childish prank.

00:57:57Yeah.

00:57:57Marc:And the hunters are sort of like, no, you got to do it.

00:58:01Marc:But they somehow have to rise above the fact that they're spraying pee on themselves.

00:58:05Marc:But this is part of the skill.

00:58:08Guest:Once had two ladies at the same time while they're just manly as can be.

00:58:12Marc:Spraying pee on themselves.

00:58:14Marc:But tell me about fishing.

00:58:15Guest:Seriously.

00:58:16Guest:I don't know how to relax and I don't have any hobbies.

00:58:19Guest:My son loves to fish.

00:58:21Guest:So I didn't fish a lot, but I learned how to do it.

00:58:24Guest:I mean, that's the one thing about parenting is as much as you want your kids to like what you like, they're not going to a lot of the time.

00:58:31Marc:What have you tried to get your kid to like that he didn't?

00:58:33Guest:Football and hockey.

00:58:35Guest:Oh, that's probably better off.

00:58:36Guest:Yeah.

00:58:37Guest:Yeah.

00:58:37Guest:But it's good because he fishes.

00:58:38Guest:He's really mellow and he's not competitive.

00:58:40Guest:He doesn't have that anger issue.

00:58:42Guest:Really?

00:58:43Guest:Which I really enjoy.

00:58:44Guest:Do you?

00:58:44Guest:I do, yeah.

00:58:46Guest:Now, were you a jock?

00:58:47Guest:I can get hot-headed.

00:58:49Guest:Not a jock, just not like high school stuff.

00:58:52Guest:Right.

00:58:53Guest:But competitive stuff still.

00:58:54Marc:Grown-up stuff.

00:58:55Marc:Yeah, like, no, I won't take any shit.

00:58:57Guest:Well, I mean, I couldn't stand the practices.

00:58:59Guest:Yeah.

00:59:00Guest:But then I'd get all the guys that played football to play football on Saturday.

00:59:04Marc:Right, right, right.

00:59:04Marc:And then headhunt.

00:59:05Marc:But you can be hot-headed.

00:59:08Marc:Listen to that.

00:59:08Hold on.

00:59:10Marc:See, this is how small my life is.

00:59:13Marc:When I put the garbage out there and I see that truck pull the can up and dump it, I feel like I've done something.

00:59:20Marc:I feel like that's me getting work done out there.

00:59:23Guest:I put those cans out there.

00:59:24Guest:No more garbage at my house.

00:59:26Guest:Yeah, how do you like that?

00:59:27Marc:Yeah, that's a fucking full day for me.

00:59:29Marc:That's good.

00:59:30Marc:But you're like the kind of guy that's like, fuck you.

00:59:33Marc:You're kind of scary, I think.

00:59:34Marc:I feel like you could be scary if you were angry.

00:59:37Guest:yeah i mean i can't be how to have calmed down a lot in my uh in aging because of kids i think so and i think just uh i'm i have no desire to get in trouble anymore yeah i'm not scared of the law but i am scared of the people that are also not scared of the law and have gone to jail i don't want to meet them yeah and you can sometimes on the road yeah oh absolutely yeah yeah there's that moment where a guy comes up to you're really funny man i just got out of the can

01:00:02Marc:I'm like, all right, what are you doing now?

01:00:04Marc:I'm going to go in my room.

01:00:05Marc:I'm not going to drink with you and ask you about the teardrop tattoos.

01:00:09Guest:I saw two guys that just got out of prison.

01:00:11Guest:Their first trip was to Acme.

01:00:13Guest:They took the bus and walked to Acme and they were like, we haven't seen comedy in so long.

01:00:17Guest:And I was like, let me get this straight.

01:00:19Guest:You're in comedy.

01:00:20Guest:What about the lady companionship thing?

01:00:22Guest:And they're like, oh no, here's what we do.

01:00:23Guest:And this is honestly, they trade to get saran wrap from the kitchen.

01:00:29Guest:Yeah.

01:00:29Guest:They save up their spit.

01:00:31Guest:Yeah.

01:00:32Guest:And then they wrap that.

01:00:34Guest:They make like a makeshift vagina.

01:00:36Guest:Out of saran wrap.

01:00:37Guest:Out of saran wrap and their spit to lube it up.

01:00:39Guest:Yeah.

01:00:40Guest:And then they put their towel around that and they put it in between the mattress and the box spring.

01:00:44Marc:Really?

01:00:45Guest:Yeah.

01:00:45Guest:This is a real thing.

01:00:47Marc:That's what they told me.

01:00:48Marc:I guess when you have time, you kind of really build up.

01:00:51Marc:And I imagine that process of saving up spit and acquiring saran wrap and the sort of anticipation of it.

01:01:00Marc:It has to be like the asking out of a woman.

01:01:02Guest:Like, ooh, I got the saran wrap.

01:01:04Guest:Yeah, here we go.

01:01:05Marc:Now you're saving up money to take her out to dinner with spit.

01:01:08Marc:Yeah, and it all culminates or fulminates or whatever the word is into a wad of towels that you wedge into your mattress and fuck.

01:01:16Guest:Wow.

01:01:18Marc:See, right there, that sort of, you know, I don't want to go to prison.

01:01:23Guest:If you have to do that?

01:01:25Marc:Yeah.

01:01:25Marc:No.

01:01:26Marc:Well, I mean, even the more frightening thing is, is like, you know what?

01:01:28Marc:Let's not do this random rap thing.

01:01:30Marc:Let's fuck the new guy.

01:01:32Marc:That's what's more frightening to me.

01:01:34Guest:We're on a saran wrap.

01:01:36Marc:Bring in the Jewish kid.

01:01:37Marc:Close cell four.

01:01:39Marc:Clink.

01:01:40Marc:You're like, oh, shit.

01:01:41Marc:Doesn't it terrify you the thought of being put in prison accidentally, like by mistake?

01:01:45Guest:You hear about that?

01:01:46Guest:Fuck, man.

01:01:46Guest:There was that football player that got accused of rape, and then she came 10 years later, and she was like, oh, P.S.

01:01:52Guest:He did not rape me.

01:01:53Guest:I was just having a bad day.

01:01:55Guest:Yeah.

01:01:56Guest:10 years of that guy's life.

01:01:57Guest:Yeah, gone.

01:01:58Guest:And what they do to rapists in prison?

01:02:00Guest:Yeah.

01:02:00Guest:I can't even fathom that.

01:02:02Guest:Ugh.

01:02:03Guest:That's why I fish, man.

01:02:04Guest:Yeah.

01:02:05Guest:Yeah.

01:02:05Guest:Just stay away from people.

01:02:06Guest:Buy a license.

01:02:07Guest:Yeah.

01:02:07Guest:And you're legal.

01:02:09Guest:Follow the rules.

01:02:10Guest:Do you catch fish?

01:02:11Guest:We do.

01:02:12Guest:Where?

01:02:12Guest:Right out back or what?

01:02:13Guest:How's that work?

01:02:13Guest:We don't catch it in the river because it's a kind of murky river.

01:02:16Guest:Yeah.

01:02:16Guest:So you get carp and you get a lot of bullheads.

01:02:19Guest:And those are dirty fish?

01:02:20Guest:Yeah.

01:02:20Guest:But there's 10,000.

01:02:21Guest:I mean, within a 15-minute drive, I can get to about 50 different lakes.

01:02:26Guest:Do you have a boat?

01:02:27Guest:We do not, but we fish from shore, which is good anyways because you get sunnies and walleyes in by the reeds.

01:02:31Guest:Yeah.

01:02:31Guest:And so those are easy to clean.

01:02:34Guest:And you gut them and you take them home and you make dinner.

01:02:36Guest:Yeah.

01:02:36Guest:No boat.

01:02:37Guest:No boat.

01:02:38Guest:Why don't you get a boat?

01:02:38Guest:Well, we have my in-laws live on a lake.

01:02:40Guest:They live on a boat.

01:02:41Guest:And they have a pontoon, a speedboat, and a fishing boat.

01:02:44Guest:So you just go over there?

01:02:45Guest:Yeah, if we want to fish on the lake.

01:02:46Guest:But we have a canoe and a paddle boat and stuff like that.

01:02:49Guest:Yeah.

01:02:49Guest:yeah it sounds like a good life it's not bad and it's it's you know coming off the road if i have a bad week yeah you know i go home and just get on the water that's oh man do you have any off the grid people up where you live like you know i don't think so i mean they're off the grid so i don't know no bearded ones oh yeah bearded wanderers sometimes sure yeah we just kind of keep an eye on them smile a lot fuck never make i never be the last one making eye contact

01:03:14Marc:I want to talk, let's get back to that before we go here, this North Dakota residency.

01:03:20Marc:Yes.

01:03:20Marc:That's the word I was looking for.

01:03:22Marc:Perfect.

01:03:23Marc:Like, you had been at comedy for what, a few years?

01:03:26Marc:Six months.

01:03:26Marc:Okay, so there you were, House MC, North Dakota.

01:03:29Marc:So you got an opportunity outside of anything else to see the touring comics.

01:03:33Marc:Right.

01:03:34Marc:Like, do you remember the guys you saw?

01:03:35Marc:Outside of Hedberg?

01:03:36Guest:Hedberg came up.

01:03:37Guest:Scott Henry.

01:03:38Guest:Rich Hall was up there.

01:03:42Guest:Ian Bagg.

01:03:44Guest:And then there were some, I guess, obviously there were a lot more than that.

01:03:50Guest:Right.

01:03:50Guest:But then there were some that were just doing the road like you hadn't seen.

01:03:53Guest:But I'd seen Ian Bagg on Dr. Katz.

01:03:57Guest:Right.

01:03:57Guest:And I remember looking at Dr. Katz thinking like, oh, if you're on Dr. Katz, that's the end.

01:04:01Guest:Yeah, you're done.

01:04:01Guest:You've done it.

01:04:02Guest:Yeah.

01:04:04Guest:And then Rich Hall, obviously, from SNL.

01:04:05Guest:Yeah.

01:04:06Guest:Was he doing the musical thing already or still doing stand-up?

01:04:09Guest:He was still doing stand-up.

01:04:10Guest:He did do the thing where he pulled the candy bars out of the bag and made up the story as he went.

01:04:14Guest:Oh, I don't know that one.

01:04:15Guest:That was pretty funny.

01:04:16Marc:But were you like, okay, this is, yeah, I can do this.

01:04:19Marc:This is the thing.

01:04:20Guest:Well, I was just kind of getting into it.

01:04:22Guest:I mean, I was having more fun because I was young back then.

01:04:24Guest:What drove you into it to begin with?

01:04:26Guest:I mean, what was that moment?

01:04:27Guest:I just always wanted to try it.

01:04:28Guest:You know, I went home.

01:04:30Guest:So where I lived in Fergus Falls, VH1 had a channel from 8 in the morning till 3 in the afternoon.

01:04:36Guest:And then from 3 in the afternoon until the channel went off, it was Comedy Central.

01:04:40Guest:Yeah.

01:04:41Guest:And so we had to go up in our rooms for two hours after school to do homework.

01:04:43Guest:And I had a TV, so I just watched Comedy Central.

01:04:45Guest:And I just, I loved, I loved the idea of having a thought, bringing it to the people and getting their response immediately.

01:04:54Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:55Marc:The immediate feedback is... Yeah, not necessarily a joke, but just sort of like, here's an idea that I think is funny.

01:05:02Marc:And then like, oh, okay, there it is.

01:05:04Guest:And then to spin it into something that really works and you have people nodding their heads and it's not, you know, it's... A lot of guys talk about applause breaks and stuff like that, but it's...

01:05:15Guest:I don't know.

01:05:15Guest:I think it's more of a connection than applause breaks.

01:05:17Marc:I don't trust applause breaks.

01:05:19Marc:You know, when I feel one's starting to happen, I'm like, no, no, no, no.

01:05:23Marc:Save it.

01:05:23Marc:Yeah.

01:05:24Marc:I mean, just relax.

01:05:25Marc:I wasn't looking for that.

01:05:28Marc:But, well, that's, I mean, I can identify with that.

01:05:31Marc:Because for me, it was never about, like, my first idea wasn't like, I want to entertain people.

01:05:35Marc:It was never it.

01:05:36Marc:It was sort of like, I'd like to be recognized for what comes out of my mouth.

01:05:39Marc:Yeah.

01:05:40Marc:Yeah.

01:05:40Marc:And be rewarded for it.

01:05:43Marc:Yeah, well, sometimes there's not a huge reward.

01:05:45Marc:No, no.

01:05:46Marc:Sometimes things come out of your mouth.

01:05:47Marc:Have you ever had that thing where you say something and you're like, you can't understand why that didn't work?

01:05:52Marc:Yeah.

01:05:53Marc:And then sometimes it's just a little issue of tweaking one beat.

01:05:58Marc:I love that thing.

01:05:59Marc:It's insane.

01:06:01Marc:Where you put it out there and then you just see a bunch of people still anticipating closure.

01:06:04Marc:You're like, no, it's not finished.

01:06:07Guest:Yeah, and you can change one word.

01:06:09Guest:And it's done.

01:06:10Guest:Put it at the end.

01:06:10Guest:Yeah.

01:06:11Guest:And it goes from a stare to an applause break or a huge laugh or whatever it is.

01:06:16Marc:So if I come up, can I go fishing or what happens?

01:06:20Marc:Is there anything for me to do up there?

01:06:22Guest:Absolutely.

01:06:22Marc:I wouldn't say I don't want to stay at your house or anything.

01:06:24Guest:No, I mean, if you- If I'm running away.

01:06:26Guest:Honestly, if you want to come up, there's fishing.

01:06:30Marc:Yeah.

01:06:30Guest:There's camping.

01:06:31Guest:Yeah.

01:06:32Guest:There's a lot of water sports.

01:06:34Guest:Yeah.

01:06:34Guest:If you like tubing, you can water surf.

01:06:37Guest:You can- Tube?

01:06:39Guest:Yeah, you blow up a tube and- No, I did that in a ditch once.

01:06:43Marc:Yeah, I did a tube thing in Albuquerque, but they were irrigation ditches and we were always afraid of water lice.

01:06:48Marc:Yeah, you should have been.

01:06:49Guest:These are big lakes, clean lakes.

01:06:50Guest:Yeah, okay.

01:06:51Marc:No sharks.

01:06:52Marc:No, but tubing, you don't tube in a lake, you tube in moving water.

01:06:56Guest:Oh, we tube, yeah, okay, so there's two kinds of tubing.

01:06:59Guest:You tube in a river, lazy tubing, or you can tube behind a boat that goes fast.

01:07:04Marc:You do that?

01:07:04Marc:Yeah.

01:07:05Marc:Lazy tubing is what I did.

01:07:07Marc:Yeah.

01:07:07Marc:Now I'm a lazy tuber.

01:07:09Marc:I feel fucking horrible about it.

01:07:11Guest:Behind a boat is pretty fun.

01:07:12Guest:You can water ski.

01:07:13Guest:You can do all that stuff.

01:07:14Guest:You can parasail.

01:07:15Guest:I water ski in a hunched way.

01:07:17Guest:Are you a good water skier?

01:07:18Guest:I'm not.

01:07:19Marc:Can you be upright and leaning back like that?

01:07:22Guest:I can drop a ski.

01:07:23Guest:But anytime I try to go in by the dock and spray people, I end up slapping my face on the water.

01:07:28Marc:Yeah, yeah.

01:07:29Marc:What's drop a ski mean?

01:07:31Marc:You start with two.

01:07:32Marc:And you just want one fly off?

01:07:33Marc:Yep.

01:07:33Marc:And then you got to go back and get it.

01:07:35Marc:Yeah.

01:07:35Marc:And then the spotter's like, all right.

01:07:36Guest:Yeah.

01:07:37Guest:Remember where that is.

01:07:37Marc:Keep an eye on it.

01:07:38Marc:Yeah.

01:07:38Marc:All right, man.

01:07:39Marc:Well, I will talk to you when I show up at your house crying and wanting to maybe do a house switch.

01:07:46Marc:Well, I can't wait to show you my garage.

01:07:48Marc:It's probably full of things, right?

01:07:51Marc:Yeah.

01:07:51Marc:Like, what do you got?

01:07:52Guest:Well, we have an attached garage for the cars and all that stuff, and then we have a detached garage for a ping pong table and like boxing.

01:08:00Guest:You do boxing.

01:08:00Guest:Boxing stuff.

01:08:01Guest:You box?

01:08:02Guest:I don't box people, but I box that for exercise.

01:08:05Guest:Really?

01:08:05Guest:You box a bag and stuff?

01:08:07Guest:Got your kid out there with the gloves showing him who's dad?

01:08:09Guest:Yeah, he...

01:08:11Guest:My wife called me when I was on the road like, I hope you're happy.

01:08:13Guest:Isaac got punched in the face today.

01:08:16Guest:And then he punched a kid back and he's got detention.

01:08:18Guest:He's off the bus for three days.

01:08:19Guest:So I was like, can I talk to him?

01:08:21Guest:I go, what happened?

01:08:22Guest:He goes, this kid wouldn't leave Olivia alone.

01:08:24Guest:Finally, he grabbed her and pulled her out of the seat.

01:08:27Guest:So I punched him and he punched me back and I'm off the bus for three days, dad.

01:08:30Guest:And his voice got quivery.

01:08:32Guest:He's like, I'm off the bus for three days.

01:08:34Guest:I was like, give me your mother.

01:08:36Guest:And I go...

01:08:36Guest:Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do when you're a big brother.

01:08:38Guest:Do you not have a big brother?

01:08:41Guest:I know you did, but he didn't punch any kid in the face for you.

01:08:44Guest:Yeah.

01:08:44Guest:So that's how it works.

01:08:45Guest:This isn't because of boxing.

01:08:47Guest:It's because his little sister was getting picked on.

01:08:51Guest:Good for you, man.

01:08:51Marc:See, that was good parenting.

01:08:53Marc:Well, I think it's crazy.

01:08:55Marc:I think a kid's supposed to do that.

01:08:56Marc:Yeah, it's a touching story, actually.

01:08:58Marc:I mean, and your wife, did she like, okay, I get it?

01:09:01Guest:A little.

01:09:02Guest:Oh, really?

01:09:03Guest:She still didn't give in because she knows once she gives in to me, I'm going to be like, have a backlog of, remember when this happened?

01:09:09Guest:I'm going to do that as well.

01:09:09Guest:Isn't that just called marriage?

01:09:11Marc:Thanks, Chad.

01:09:12Marc:Thank you.

01:09:18Marc:That's it.

01:09:19Marc:That's the show.

01:09:20Marc:That is it.

01:09:21Marc:I told you that Chad Daniels was a cool guy and a funny guy and an interesting guy.

01:09:26Marc:You can go to his website, ChadDaniels.com, for his special and his records and his tour dates.

01:09:33Marc:I will be in Philadelphia at Helium on December 6th through 8th.

01:09:36Marc:I'm looking forward to going back.

01:09:38Marc:The Knicks is the place where I got the sandwich.

01:09:41Marc:I'm going to fucking Denix for that roast pork, provolone, broccoli rabe sandwich.

01:09:48Marc:I'm looking forward to that and performing for you people at Helium.

01:09:52Marc:So do that.

01:09:53Marc:I'm going to go study my lines and try not to get sick because I feel like I'm losing my voice and I have to do some scenes with Eric Stoltz tomorrow.

01:10:05Marc:A lot.

01:10:06Marc:I should be prepared because he's a fucking real actor.

01:10:11Marc:Water.

01:10:12Marc:Just got some water.

01:10:13Marc:NojustCoffee.coop for me.

01:10:15Marc:But you can get it at WTFPod.com along with a lot of other stuff.

01:10:18Marc:Merchandise, the premium app, the list of people that have been on the show.

01:10:21Marc:You can leave comments, but don't be a dick.

01:10:23Marc:I know there's a dick out there leaving comments.

01:10:25Marc:Just cool it.

01:10:26Marc:I mean, what is that?

01:10:28Marc:Why?

01:10:28Guest:I still have makeup on my face.

01:10:34Guest:I'm still wearing two pairs of underwear.

01:10:38Guest:It's not bad.