Episode 32 - Todd Glass / Kevin LeValley

Episode 32 • Released December 20, 2009 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Guest 3:Are we doing this?

00:00:08Guest 5:Really?

00:00:08Guest 5:Wait for it.

00:00:09Guest 5:Are we doing this?

00:00:10Guest 5:Wait for it.

00:00:12Guest 5:Pow!

00:00:12Guest 5:What the fuck?

00:00:14Guest 5:And it's also... Eh, what the fuck?

00:00:16Guest 5:What's wrong with me?

00:00:17Guest 5:It's time for WTF!

00:00:19Guest 4:What the fuck?

00:00:20Guest 4:With Mark Maron.

00:00:23Marc:Okay, let's do this.

00:00:24Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?

00:00:26Marc:It's Mark Maron.

00:00:26Marc:This is WTF with Mark Maron.

00:00:30Marc:Merry Christmas coming up.

00:00:31Marc:Happy Hanukkah.

00:00:32Marc:Hope everything's okay.

00:00:33Marc:I cannot wait anymore for this phone.

00:00:36Marc:All I'm trying to do is update my stupid phone.

00:00:41Marc:with a setting so I can get my emails again.

00:00:43Marc:I guess it's refresh the service books, send the service books.

00:00:47Marc:Every time I go to do it, I can't remember where the service books are.

00:00:50Marc:And now, I swear to God, I have done as many combinations of a password and a name that I can.

00:00:57Marc:It's almost as if I'm committed to six numbers in the lottery, and I'm rearranging them all to just get to the fucking place where I can...

00:01:05Marc:do the thing that I need to do, and I can't get there.

00:01:08Marc:It's a cryptic code that is somewhere in my mind.

00:01:11Marc:I know there's a sequence.

00:01:13Marc:I know there's a certain selection of passwords that I generally use, and I can't get through.

00:01:18Marc:So now my BlackBerry is just as stupid as I am.

00:01:21Marc:It can no longer do what it needs to do because I can't facilitate that, and I don't know what the hell to do about it.

00:01:26Marc:I mean, what the fuck am I going to do, go back down to the Sprint store like a moron, like I was there yesterday?

00:01:31Marc:Oh, my God.

00:01:32Marc:It I don't know.

00:01:33Marc:This shit just builds up with me.

00:01:35Marc:I went to the Sprint store yesterday and was one of those embarrassing sort of moments where my phone hadn't been ringing either or making the right submarine sound for when I got a text message.

00:01:45Marc:Now, obviously, these things aren't life or life or death matters, but they're the things that we deal with every day.

00:01:51Marc:And and I missed I missed the noises.

00:01:54Marc:I miss the little noises.

00:01:55Marc:My friend, the Blackberry, my friend, Mark's Blackberry, was not calling out to me from across the room to let me know that people in the world cared about me or that people that I didn't want to talk to cared about me or at least that I was being acknowledged by the satellite in a moment where maybe a quiet moment.

00:02:12Marc:And just to hear that sonar submarine sound that I choose for text messages, it's exciting.

00:02:17Marc:It's like, hey, I got a present.

00:02:19Marc:Or, oh, shit, that's a that's a guilt present or that's a present I didn't even want.

00:02:25Marc:But nonetheless, none of that was working.

00:02:27Marc:So I go down to the Sprint store and by some freak of events, I get to the Sprint store and the guy calls my phone.

00:02:34Marc:It's like it's working.

00:02:34Marc:It rings.

00:02:35Marc:I'm like, that was my phone.

00:02:36Marc:Has it rung in weeks?

00:02:36Marc:I don't know.

00:02:37Marc:You don't know.

00:02:38Marc:There's no explanation for this.

00:02:39Marc:It's just a coincidence that I had to drive down here and look like an idiot.

00:02:43Marc:And now you look like some sort of genius.

00:02:45Marc:I'll give you the genius thing, but you're not really a genius.

00:02:48Marc:It just worked out.

00:02:49Marc:And it just eats my day.

00:02:52Marc:It just eats my fucking day.

00:02:53Marc:I mean, God forbid you have a computer problem like I did yesterday.

00:02:57Marc:I'm helpless.

00:02:58Marc:I'm helpless.

00:02:59Marc:And I'm helpless in the face of this technology.

00:03:02Marc:And it's really unnecessary.

00:03:04Marc:Do we really need any of it?

00:03:05Marc:I mean, how important am I?

00:03:06Marc:That's the thing is I get the BlackBerry mic.

00:03:09Marc:I got to get my emails at all times.

00:03:10Marc:I mean, what do I think is going to happen?

00:03:12Marc:You know, I'm not going to get the call where it's like, you know, should we attack a small country?

00:03:16Marc:Is it time to launch the missiles?

00:03:18Marc:No, no.

00:03:19Marc:It's more like, are you free for lunch on or can you send me that thing?

00:03:25Marc:So here's what happened.

00:03:25Marc:So I decided to save some bread on the wireless, you know, because I'm I'm you know, times are tough.

00:03:31Marc:Times are tough or tough for me.

00:03:34Marc:Believe me.

00:03:36Marc:So I go to the Apple store and I if I can go to the Apple store and not walk out of there, you know, putting six hundred dollars on my credit card for three things.

00:03:46Marc:It's a miracle.

00:03:47Marc:But I had a goal.

00:03:47Marc:I had a destination.

00:03:49Marc:I had an object in mind.

00:03:51Marc:I wanted to get a wireless router.

00:03:53Marc:So I went in there and I bought the airport extreme.

00:03:56Marc:I bring it home.

00:03:57Marc:I got my cable modem, so I'm like, I can do this.

00:04:00Marc:But I didn't say it that confidently.

00:04:02Marc:It was more like, I can do this, right?

00:04:04Marc:And all I'm saying to myself, which is what I say to myself a lot, is, Mark, just don't fucking freak out, right?

00:04:10Marc:This is out of your wheelhouse.

00:04:13Marc:Maybe it'll be easy.

00:04:15Marc:So I hook up the cable, I hook up the modem, and then I've got to go into the computer to identify the modem and put a disk in to get the airport information.

00:04:22Marc:I don't know a lot about computers, so now we're going through steps.

00:04:25Marc:I'm setting up things I don't understand.

00:04:26Marc:All of a sudden, I've got a base network, and then I've got a guest network, and I've got nine things on my computer.

00:04:33Marc:I'm putting in IP numbers.

00:04:35Marc:I don't even know what an IP number is.

00:04:36Marc:I'm trying to troubleshoot, but I have no idea.

00:04:38Marc:I have no idea.

00:04:39Marc:IP, WAN security at WAN.

00:04:43Marc:I don't fucking know.

00:04:44Marc:After I reset both the cable modem and the airport modem, no less than three or four times, I finally sat down and said, you know what?

00:04:54Marc:I don't deserve to live.

00:04:56Marc:How do I get to that place?

00:04:58Marc:It's not even a matter of deserving to live.

00:05:00Marc:How do I judge myself knowing full well going into it that I really had no understanding of this and really probably only four people do.

00:05:07Marc:That's how this works.

00:05:08Marc:You'd like to believe that people understand computers and some people do.

00:05:12Marc:But when you're doing this kind of stuff, there's only three or four people that have the magic keys.

00:05:17Marc:And there's no way you can do it if you don't know what you're doing.

00:05:20Marc:So I go online to find out, you know, how do people connect the airport extreme to the Time Warner?

00:05:25Marc:And then I find a blog.

00:05:26Marc:And it's just nothing but people saying, this is ridiculous.

00:05:29Marc:You know, Time Warner is terrible.

00:05:30Marc:They don't create this or that.

00:05:32Marc:And it's impossible.

00:05:33Marc:And I'm like, well, that's not encouraging.

00:05:35Marc:What the hell am I going to do now?

00:05:37Marc:And the guy who put my cable in, he said, look, you know, you can use the Apple.

00:05:41Marc:A lot of people use the Apple.

00:05:43Marc:And I'm like, well, are you going to help me set it up?

00:05:44Marc:He's like, no, I got another appointment.

00:05:46Marc:And I'm like, all right, so there I am alone on an island with a jungle, which is what technology is to me on this level.

00:05:55Marc:So I spent no less than four or five hours.

00:05:58Marc:And I tried and I tried and I tried.

00:05:59Marc:And, you know, I kept saying to myself, dude, if this doesn't work out, we'll resolve it tomorrow.

00:06:05Marc:Dude, we'll resolve it tomorrow.

00:06:06Marc:You get somebody on the phone, you do what you got to do.

00:06:09Marc:But for some reason, that...

00:06:11Marc:affirmative speak in my head surrendered to you're an idiot how can you not know how to do this almost everybody knows how to do this you know why aren't you uh more adept at this kind of stuff why did you even buy that thing i am so gratification oriented i wanted to take the airport back to apple and say look

00:06:33Marc:You lied to me.

00:06:34Marc:This doesn't interface with Time Warner.

00:06:36Marc:I'm not stupid.

00:06:38Marc:I'm not stupid.

00:06:39Marc:I could just see me in the Apple store waving this thing, saying, I'm not stupid.

00:06:43Marc:I just don't know.

00:06:44Marc:And I was lied to.

00:06:45Marc:I want justice.

00:06:48Marc:So ultimately, I just unplugged the thing.

00:06:50Marc:I said, well, I'll return it tomorrow or I'll call Apple.

00:06:52Marc:And this is where I hate to sing the praises of customer service.

00:06:56Marc:But let me tell you something.

00:06:57Marc:They must be hurting because I'm telling you, I'm talking to a lot more real people, a lot less automatons and robots.

00:07:04Marc:And well, actually, you know, half robot, half person.

00:07:08Marc:I.

00:07:08Marc:I called Time Warner to ask him about this particular problem, and I think I got a gay gentleman who was speaking into some sort of microphone that slightly modulated his voice, so it almost sounded like a sort of queenie robot.

00:07:24Marc:I don't know if I could do it like, hello, this is Apple, this is Keith, can I help you?

00:07:29Marc:And I saw the intronations were sort of gay, but it was modulated just such.

00:07:35Marc:And I was, you know, I was excited because I think we should live in a time where there are gay robots.

00:07:40Marc:I mean, I think everyone should have freedom and be able to to be proud.

00:07:44Marc:And I think this is a time for the gay robot.

00:07:46Marc:But he directed me to Apple and I got on the phone with Apple fairly quickly.

00:07:51Marc:And the dude walked me through every step of the way.

00:07:54Marc:We got the wireless working and it made my day.

00:07:59Marc:It made my day.

00:08:00Marc:We got the wireless working.

00:08:01Marc:And you know what?

00:08:02Marc:I'll be honest with you.

00:08:04Marc:I'll be honest with you.

00:08:05Marc:There was no way in hell ever in a million years I would have been able to do it myself.

00:08:12Marc:Never, ever.

00:08:15Marc:Not even if my life depended on it and I was out of food.

00:08:19Marc:So that's a little Christmas present.

00:08:22Marc:Not a bad day today.

00:08:24Marc:Christmas is coming up.

00:08:25Marc:I hope you're treating people in your life relatively well.

00:08:28Marc:I know it's a time of tremendous strain and stress.

00:08:31Marc:Like I said, I don't have as much problem as other people because I don't have a significant other in my life.

00:08:40Marc:I don't have a lot of presents to buy.

00:08:41Marc:We're not a presents family.

00:08:42Marc:I have three nieces and nephews that I don't know that well, and they don't really expect presents from me.

00:08:47Marc:And what I've been told is that before a certain age, I don't really remember the presents or use them anyway, so I rationalize that way.

00:08:54Marc:Don't need to get my brother anything because he doesn't get me anything.

00:08:57Marc:You want to know who I buy presents for?

00:08:58Marc:I'll tell you.

00:09:00Marc:And it might sound sad, but I bought my neighbor a present, a bottle of wine, maybe give her some WTF blend, just coffee.coop coffee, and a bottle of mid-range wine.

00:09:18Marc:And I buy my mailman a nice, expensive bottle of tequila.

00:09:26Marc:I don't know why.

00:09:27Marc:I like my mailman.

00:09:28Marc:I see my mailman.

00:09:29Marc:It's a tough gig.

00:09:30Marc:Sometimes we chat.

00:09:31Marc:He tends to take care of me, have a relationship with him.

00:09:34Marc:It's the right thing to do.

00:09:35Marc:But that's it.

00:09:36Marc:The neighbor and the mailman.

00:09:38Marc:You can look at that as sad.

00:09:39Marc:Okay, maybe I'll buy the roommate something.

00:09:41Marc:I should buy the girl something.

00:09:43Marc:I guess I got to get on that.

00:09:45Marc:Because, well, you know, there's a fear like I don't want to buy a shitty gift.

00:09:48Marc:You know, sometimes you hit it, sometimes you don't.

00:09:51Marc:Todd Glass on the show today.

00:09:53Marc:Very funny.

00:09:54Marc:Excited to talk to him.

00:09:56Marc:And also an interesting guest.

00:09:59Marc:And I know there's been a lot of interesting guests.

00:10:00Marc:And by the way, folks, I do want to bring it to your attention that come on now.

00:10:06Marc:A lot of people think it was John Benjamin because John Benjamin was on that show.

00:10:10Marc:And I just want to pay some props to the performers that work with me in putting this show together.

00:10:15Marc:And that gentleman was John Daly, not John Benjamin.

00:10:19Marc:uh and it's a great character that said uh you know we mix it up we have characters we have real people we you know kind of you know create a a gray area for you folks because that's what what the fuck is all about we want you to have what the fuck moments when you listen to what the fuck but this guy uh is a piece of work uh he's uh i guess you would call a

00:10:43Marc:motivational speaker his name is kevin la valley uh i uh i was interested in in what he was doing because he he talks about community he talks about something other than just straight out motivational speaking which i think is primarily selfish and self-empowering as opposed to uh community minded so kevin la valley is going to come in and talk about lighten up america

00:11:05Marc:uh, something that he's been, uh, trying to launch.

00:11:08Marc:And, and, uh, I think it sounds like something that, uh, you know, might be, uh, a good, so we'll have him on and coming up, uh, just around the bend here, Todd glass.

00:11:30Marc:In the garage right now is comedy legend.

00:11:34Marc:I don't like being called that.

00:11:35Marc:I don't know how you feel about that.

00:11:36Marc:Because that just means that either you're dead or no one really appreciates you.

00:11:41Marc:Or you had your time.

00:11:42Marc:And I'm not that one.

00:11:44Guest 4:Oh, whenever... Todd Glasses.

00:11:46Guest 4:Whenever Henry Phillips, if someone dies, Henry Phillips always comes up to me.

00:11:49Guest 4:I'm sure he does it to everybody at the improv and he goes, look, I know you probably think because they killed themselves.

00:11:53Guest 4:You're thinking, oh, I should.

00:11:54Guest 4:But you know what?

00:11:55Guest 4:And I always play.

00:11:56Guest 4:I go, what are you talking about?

00:11:57Guest 4:He goes, no, this guy had his time.

00:12:00Guest 4:You know, couldn't take it.

00:12:01Guest 4:He goes, don't kill yourself.

00:12:03Guest 4:He goes, I know you're thinking.

00:12:04Guest 4:I thought it last night.

00:12:05Guest 4:As soon as that guy killed himself.

00:12:07Guest 4:Oh, Todd's going to think he should kill himself.

00:12:10Marc:You're not the kind of guy that thinks that, are you?

00:12:12Guest 4:No, no, not at all.

00:12:13Marc:You don't ever think about killing yourself.

00:12:14Guest 4:That's a good question.

00:12:15Guest 4:I would only do it to maybe see how everyone felt after I was dead.

00:12:19Guest 4:But I realized if I kill myself, I won't know.

00:12:21Marc:That's the trick.

00:12:22Marc:It's like, this will really show them.

00:12:23Guest 4:Yeah.

00:12:23Marc:And how you're going to know.

00:12:25Guest 4:You won't know.

00:12:25Marc:Yeah, you're hedging your bets.

00:12:26Marc:I mean, the idea that you're going to float over everybody and go,

00:12:29Guest 3:No, no, I'm here.

00:12:32Guest 3:I'm behind you.

00:12:34Guest 4:My outlook towards life is... I mean, obviously, I get sad, and I have... You have feelings and things?

00:12:39Guest 4:Yeah.

00:12:40Guest 4:I mean, I don't want to make it like, everything's great, but I do... I like it here.

00:12:45Guest 4:I like hanging out.

00:12:46Guest 4:I love being here.

00:12:47Marc:I do, too, but sometimes when it gets dark, I think like, oh, my God, I'm done.

00:12:51Marc:I'm done.

00:12:51Marc:I'm exhausted.

00:12:52Marc:But it's never about because I'm tired of life.

00:12:54Marc:I'm literally just overwhelmed with something, and I want rest.

00:12:57Marc:And when you get to that point, it's like rest for a long time.

00:13:01Guest 4:You know, this might seem like a weird way to show compassion towards something I can't even relate with.

00:13:05Guest 4:But with that, I can.

00:13:06Guest 4:I've never been there in my life where I wanted to end it or even get overwhelmed.

00:13:11Guest 4:But I've...

00:13:13Guest 4:I have compassion because this sounds like a weird way to get there.

00:13:16Guest 4:Even if I can't concept something, weird things in my life, this might seem like a weird way of connecting it.

00:13:21Guest 4:I used to not understand people that had back problems.

00:13:25Guest 4:And I had no sympathy towards people that had back problems.

00:13:28Guest 4:It seemed very... What are you laughing at?

00:13:30Guest 4:What am I laughing at?

00:13:31Guest 4:It just seemed very, oh, oh, oh, all right, you have a back problem.

00:13:35Guest 4:And then I had it happen to me.

00:13:37Guest 4:and i went oh my god it's so real it's so and um and by the way i realized when my back went out at a hardware store i called my doctor he goes try to walk home because i'm not saying this is in your head but some of it might be try to take some deep breaths and let what you can go go because i couldn't move yeah and i realized god forbid in this world if you have a problem a muscular problem

00:13:57Guest 4:but you're totally there mentally.

00:13:59Guest 4:When I walked home from the hardware store to my house, I mean, I was walking like Frankenstein.

00:14:03Guest 4:People were pulling their kids away from me.

00:14:05Guest 4:Like I was a mental patient.

00:14:07Guest 4:I don't want to do, I just have a back problem.

00:14:08Guest 4:I'm not lunging at you.

00:14:10Guest 4:Can you see me walking?

00:14:11Guest 4:And I'm walking and I went off the curb.

00:14:14Guest 4:It took me like a minute and I slowly went down.

00:14:16Guest 4:I go, I'm not a mental.

00:14:18Guest 4:I fucking have a back problem here.

00:14:20Guest 4:and here's another one which um nausea when people used to say i have to sit in the front i'm nauseous i thought i'll let you sit in the front you don't make up a fucking story now i get nauseous i could be driving in the car my phone falls between the seat i take my off the road or you know whatever even if i'm not the equilibrium goes boom i'm nauseous yeah and you know it's not fake it's like so i now whatever anybody says they have i'm you know what i

00:14:47Guest 4:I feel bad for you.

00:14:49Marc:Yeah, karma has caught up with you.

00:14:51Marc:Yeah, so you've learned empathy and compassion.

00:14:53Marc:But to me, what was funny initially was it's the idea of the guy that can only address other people's problems by finding some common something.

00:15:04Marc:Like here's a guy who's like, I want to kill myself.

00:15:06Marc:And you're like, you know what?

00:15:07Marc:I didn't have milk this morning.

00:15:10Marc:I woke up, I wanted cereal, there was no milk, and I was upset, so I think I know where you're coming from.

00:15:13Guest 4:we have a funny thing we all like uh jimmy doran and us we have the guy who can't relate that type of guy like you tell him something your kid died yeah and he goes i know what you mean i had a popeyes audition today and i had a call back and you go i just told you my kid died i know because it's like i was going out for the audition and then this other guy had it it's like you know what you got to let this stuff go

00:15:38Marc:Oh, God.

00:15:39Marc:Now, let me ask you a couple things.

00:15:41Marc:Well, I mean, I called you and asked you.

00:15:44Marc:We were on an airplane, and I saw you on the airplane, and then we texted some filthy stuff to each other that was inappropriate and wrong.

00:15:50Guest 4:Which, by the way, there's nothing like text that makes you laugh that hard on a plane all by yourself.

00:15:56Guest 4:I was like, well, Mark called me, and it was so fucking funny.

00:16:00Guest 4:I never turn my phone off.

00:16:02Guest 4:All of a sudden, my phone rings.

00:16:03Guest 4:I don't recognize you whenever you pick it up, you go, turn your phone off.

00:16:05Guest 4:I'm like, who the hell knows I'm on the plane?

00:16:07Guest 4:I go, oh, it's Mark.

00:16:09Marc:That's right, because I saw you come on.

00:16:10Marc:You didn't know I had your number.

00:16:11Marc:No.

00:16:11Marc:And then when they came and said, all electronics must be off, and I called you.

00:16:16Guest 4:Turn your phone off.

00:16:17Guest 4:You knew that it would be on, and then I'd pick it up.

00:16:19Guest 3:Turn your phone off.

00:16:20Marc:Did it get you?

00:16:22Marc:It was very funny.

00:16:24Marc:But how the fuck do you live in this world?

00:16:27Marc:Here's two things that happened to me that I have not had to deal with in a long time because of you.

00:16:32Marc:One was I texted you and I said, what's your email?

00:16:35Marc:And then you texted back.

00:16:37Marc:You called me and go, I don't have email.

00:16:39Marc:One, all right?

00:16:40Marc:And then you did something that no one fucking does.

00:16:42Marc:You called me this morning and you said, and I couldn't believe it, Todd.

00:16:46Marc:You said, can you give me directions to your house?

00:16:49Marc:I know because everyone Googles.

00:16:51Marc:Who the hell does that?

00:16:52Marc:I know.

00:16:52Marc:It seems.

00:16:54Marc:But it was nice because that means you're an organic guy.

00:16:56Marc:You live in the real world.

00:16:57Marc:You have to deal with people and people have to take care of you.

00:17:00Marc:I think you've designed your life.

00:17:02Guest 4:to be so people have to deal with you i don't i don't i'm not one of these people that things no one needs email i don't want to be like that why do you need email i get why certain people need it i get how certain people couldn't live without it and i also get how even though i don't directly use it my life is because of email like even though i don't have email you know people want to email me they send stuff to my managers i have a i thought you're gonna say your neighbor no no hey uh did you get anything for me today can i use your computer well that's not far off um

00:17:31Guest 4:My friends always go, could you forward it to my abacus?

00:17:35Guest 4:And then I, can my CB?

00:17:38Guest 4:No, I do understand how like I have a, it doesn't help me full time, but like I pay this, she's a, I was going to say girl, she's a woman, a certain amount of money a month.

00:17:47Guest 4:And I have like a dyslexia.

00:17:49Guest 4:So for me to even send a thank you card to a comedy club, she helps me with that.

00:17:52Guest 4:And just so if someone wants to email me, they email her and she faxes it to me.

00:17:56Marc:You pay a person- $300 a month, and it changed my life.

00:18:00Marc:Is that all it costs?

00:18:02Marc:Because I'm overwhelmed.

00:18:03Marc:I can hardly do anything.

00:18:05Marc:I don't know how people function with jobs and children.

00:18:07Marc:Because I have three things to do in a day.

00:18:09Marc:It takes the entire day, and then I do one of them wrong.

00:18:14Guest 4:But here's what happened with the email, and I'm sort of glad about this.

00:18:17Guest 4:You know, I thought someone told me on the road they didn't have a cell phone, some doorman.

00:18:20Guest 4:I go, come on.

00:18:21Marc:Yeah.

00:18:21Guest 4:I kind of want to be that guy.

00:18:23Guest 4:I got email.

00:18:24Guest 4:Right.

00:18:24Guest 4:And then I thought, you know what?

00:18:25Guest 4:When I need directions or something, I get it when it's necessary.

00:18:28Guest 4:But people started making it the way of calling me.

00:18:32Guest 4:Hey, what's up?

00:18:32Guest 4:No, no.

00:18:33Guest 4:And you know what?

00:18:34Guest 4:I got rid of it.

00:18:35Guest 4:And a friend of mine that works at the Apple store, this makes me feel better because he is computer savvy.

00:18:39Guest 4:He goes, Todd, I'm with you on the email.

00:18:41Guest 4:He goes, I don't need it.

00:18:43Guest 4:I have 100 emails.

00:18:45Guest 4:I have enough trouble keeping in touch with my friends that I already have.

00:18:48Guest 4:I don't want email friendships.

00:18:50Guest 4:So I got rid of the email because people started doing it.

00:18:52Guest 4:Maybe I'm not explaining it right, but all of a sudden I opened up my email.

00:18:54Guest 4:It was like, hey, do you want to go to this show on Tuesday?

00:18:58Guest 4:Call me.

00:18:58Guest 4:Text me.

00:18:59Marc:I don't need this.

00:19:00Marc:Okay, but you're still okay with the texting, so it's not really about, like, I need to hear talking.

00:19:04Marc:I need to...

00:19:05Guest 4:connect on a human level it's not it's not about that it's a mixture because you're right because sometimes with the email it's a tone you don't get sarcasm you end up calling someone anyway i have misread so like you misread someone saying well thank you very much and then you hear it in your head on the email is like thank you very much and you're like you know what the fuck is your problem right so it's it's so so it's the same way yes exactly and i'm not so i'm not saying oh emails the i get emails great but i think some uh you know you know let me give you an example sometimes technology you

00:19:35Guest 4:It can slow you down and you don't realize it.

00:19:37Guest 4:For certain people.

00:19:38Marc:It's paralyzing because the idea is it makes your life more convenient.

00:19:41Marc:But ultimately, it'll generally complicate your life for at least three or four months before you even get the hang of it.

00:19:46Marc:And then, like, then all of a sudden you're a slave to it.

00:19:48Marc:And the other thing is, it's like, now there's no excuse for you not to be available at all fucking times.

00:19:54Marc:Like, if you don't have your phone for a day, my mother's like, did you die?

00:19:56Marc:Did you die?

00:19:57Guest 4:Oh, yeah.

00:19:58Guest 4:God forbid an hour goes by, where were you?

00:20:00Guest 4:I know.

00:20:00Guest 4:The thing we just said about the email, I know for a lot of people it's great, but you have to look at your individual circumstances.

00:20:09Guest 4:I'll give you an example.

00:20:11Guest 4:I thought about this the other day.

00:20:12Guest 4:Something that's supposed to make my life easier, and you think you have a manager, so you have him do something, and you go, wait, him dealing with this is making my life harder.

00:20:21Guest 4:So a lot of times they'll call me and they'll go, hey, blah, blah, blah, call.

00:20:23Guest 4:They want to do an interview when you're in Cleveland.

00:20:25Guest 4:I go, give him my number.

00:20:27Guest 4:To may pretend that I have a manager, not may pretend, but have a manager to go, well, I could have him call them and then they call me and then I call them.

00:20:34Guest 4:No, doing it myself is easier.

00:20:36Marc:It's a lot easier because then the manager says, then you run into these problems.

00:20:39Marc:It's like, I thought you were going to call the guy.

00:20:40Marc:And they're like, we did call the guy.

00:20:41Marc:And they didn't call the guy.

00:20:42Marc:And you're like, but he says you didn't call him.

00:20:44Marc:Who am I going to believe?

00:20:44Marc:We believe you want.

00:20:45Marc:We called him.

00:20:46Guest 4:What time?

00:20:46Guest 4:And then the manager gets on the phone.

00:20:48Guest 4:Like, I could have my manager call.

00:20:50Guest 4:Well, maybe I couldn't.

00:20:51Guest 4:I have to bring him a little more money before he does my airfares.

00:20:53Guest 4:Or one of his assistants does his airfares.

00:20:55Guest 4:You know, like I know Jim Gaffigan, somebody over there might do an airfare for him, my manager's assistant.

00:21:00Guest 4:I can't do that yet.

00:21:01Guest 4:I got to bring him a little more money.

00:21:03Guest 4:But leave him when I could.

00:21:04Guest 4:Let's say I could.

00:21:04Guest 4:Right.

00:21:05Guest 4:I'd rather call the travel agent myself because what happens, I see this with my friends that are managers.

00:21:10Guest 4:The person's doing it because they think, well, I have a manager.

00:21:14Guest 4:Sure, I have him do my airfares.

00:21:16Guest 4:Why?

00:21:17Guest 4:Because they go, what time do you want to leave?

00:21:18Guest 4:Then they call you back.

00:21:19Guest 4:Then you have to hang up.

00:21:20Marc:Call the travel agent.

00:21:21Marc:And then they send you options.

00:21:22Marc:A travel agent?

00:21:23Marc:Do you still deal with travel agents?

00:21:24Marc:Are you actually living in the past?

00:21:26Marc:i know isn't that sad wait a minute i love my travel there's no email you don't do emails and you don't do google maps and you have a travel agent you know everything is available for you to actually be your own travel agent i know but you know what i'm not great on the computer he charges me it's 25 bucks a ticket let me tell you this it's worth it

00:21:43Guest 4:it's worth well not if you're good on the computer though i don't want to be i don't want to be one of those people that thinks because it's great for me that i'm over here why would anybody want to do no i get for certain people it's better on the computer for me what do you mean good on the computer you go like okay let's say what you like what airline do you like i'm going to tell you i'm going to answer you american right i saw you i know but i want to interrupt you and tell you i'm going to bypass it and tell you i know technically if you've been using i by the way i am going to buy a computer because i realize oh wait oh so you don't even have a computer no

00:22:10Guest 4:No.

00:22:11Marc:Oh, so you were hiding this.

00:22:12Marc:No, no, no.

00:22:12Guest 4:No, no, no.

00:22:13Marc:You were avoiding this the whole time.

00:22:14Marc:No, no, no.

00:22:15Marc:You didn't want to get to this place where we are right now.

00:22:18Marc:No, no, no.

00:22:18Marc:I don't mind.

00:22:19Marc:You don't have a computer.

00:22:20Guest 4:I don't have a computer.

00:22:21Guest 4:But let me say this.

00:22:22Guest 4:I'm buying one.

00:22:23Marc:Do you need to feed the horses out front?

00:22:26Guest 4:I pull up and like... No way.

00:22:28Guest 4:With junk in it.

00:22:29Guest 4:Junk, man!

00:22:31Guest 4:Todd Glass Junkman!

00:22:33Guest 4:Because your friends are used to you, like, because, you know, I know you, but I don't talk to you about this all the time.

00:22:39Guest 4:So you realize, oh my God, I guess I have, I'm not, you know, coming into the 21st century, but I'm buying a computer and I'll tell you why.

00:22:46Marc:And you have a friend at the Apple store.

00:22:48Guest 4:Yes, and I realize if I open it at my house and I slowly try to use it, I don't want someone to teach me.

00:22:53Guest 4:Already from poking around, the other day I was on a friend's computer, I went, oh, I figured out how to do that.

00:22:57Guest 4:If someone tries to teach me, I'll get a headache.

00:22:59Guest 1:What was that?

00:23:00Guest 4:I figured out how to go on to get a podcast up.

00:23:02Guest 4:I figured out how to- To go to iTunes?

00:23:04Guest 4:Yeah, and I was like, okay, I figured it out.

00:23:06Guest 4:But I'll tell you why computer, when you say it's easy, it's easy.

00:23:09Marc:It's not easy.

00:23:09Marc:I'm not a computer guy, but you have to have people show you shit.

00:23:12Marc:Here's how you learn.

00:23:12Marc:Can I tell you?

00:23:13Marc:Yes.

00:23:13Marc:Do you take suggestions and listen to information?

00:23:15Marc:Of course, of course.

00:23:16Marc:What you need to find out is what you need to do with it.

00:23:19Marc:And when you need to do something with the computer, figure out how to do that.

00:23:23Marc:And that's how you learn how to use something.

00:23:25Marc:You can't get that.

00:23:25Marc:Like if you get a book, like if I get a book that comes with my phone, it's like, what is this fucking chemistry in high school?

00:23:30Marc:I can't because there's a part of our brain.

00:23:31Marc:It's like I have to learn everything.

00:23:33Marc:You don't have to learn anything but what you need to do.

00:23:35Marc:And you start there.

00:23:36Marc:And don't be afraid to ask people because everybody is a wizard.

00:23:39Marc:who knows something more than you.

00:23:40Marc:Like, I couldn't have even done this fucking podcast if Jesse Thorne from Sound of Young America didn't come over and walk me through three steps so I could actually, oh shit, is this on?

00:23:50Marc:So I could actually.

00:23:52Guest 4:By the way, when I came over to Mark's house, I go, we're walking around, he's showing me, it's a really cool deck, and I go, oh, where do you do the podcast?

00:24:00Guest 4:He goes, there's no podcast.

00:24:02Guest 4:I just wanted people to come over to my house.

00:24:03Guest 4:I talk about my cats, and it gets awkward, and then they leave.

00:24:08Guest 4:like you're the only guy that doesn't know how come no one told me about marriage yeah everyone knows marriage i'm sorry i thought you knew todd well that's good that's actually very good advice to someone that has been overwhelmed to go oh my okay oh i don't need and i'll tell you when i wish i would have known that i i think this relates i remember in school about your back no no okay i

00:24:30Guest 4:I had sinuses.

00:24:31Guest 4:No, I remember in school when I literally gave up, I went, this is, I can't, I can't, I'm giving up.

00:24:38Guest 4:School.

00:24:39Guest 4:School.

00:24:40Guest 4:No, no, I still went, but I go, you're just going to pull back, just, you know, here.

00:24:43Guest 4:Write it out.

00:24:44Guest 4:I could not, I had dyslexia.

00:24:46Guest 4:They didn't really know a lot about it.

00:24:47Marc:How does that manifest itself?

00:24:49Marc:Am I backwards?

00:24:51Marc:What do you mean?

00:24:51Guest 4:Oh, no.

00:24:52Guest 4:You're upside down right now.

00:24:53Guest 4:What if you were completely... You go, no, no, I see your feet.

00:24:56Guest 4:Doesn't make any sense.

00:24:58Guest 4:But the first time a teacher pulled down the map, that would have been good advice to have, what you just said.

00:25:04Guest 4:Right.

00:25:04Guest 4:by the way everyone because you know i'm sure there's three other kids like me in the class i thought i had to learn every line and every and it was overwhelming and i went oh my god and i stopped from that day on i went i'm done learning i can't i've hit my limit i hit my limit i'm just gonna stop the map shut me down yeah it just shut me down it literally and to this day when people maps get me a little bit nauseous

00:25:27Guest 4:When people want to draw them and stuff, I go, no, no, I'm a right-left turn here.

00:25:31Guest 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:31Guest 4:I'm not southwest.

00:25:32Guest 4:I'm not, you head towards the ocean.

00:25:34Guest 4:Yeah, yeah.

00:25:35Guest 4:I'm a right-left guy.

00:25:36Marc:Right.

00:25:36Marc:Well, no, but I think that if I were to really think about it, that would be why I have whatever, it's not a learning disability, but in my mind, everything has to solve, everything has to answer all questions.

00:25:46Marc:So I get very overwhelmed with something.

00:25:48Marc:Like if I feel I have this computer, I know right here sitting on this desk, this thing is capable of more than I'll ever be capable of in three lifetimes.

00:25:56Marc:And does that bother you?

00:25:57Marc:Well, I resent it, but does it bother me?

00:26:00Marc:No, but I wish I could know all that stuff, but I know at this point in my life that just by nature of how I learn things and how difficult it is for me to keep everything organized in my mind, it's not going to fucking happen.

00:26:11Marc:It's like all these books that are in this garage.

00:26:13Marc:I'm not going to read them all, but I like having them around.

00:26:16Guest 4:Right.

00:26:17Guest 4:Do your listeners know what this room is like?

00:26:20Guest 4:Some of them see little pictures of it.

00:26:22Guest 4:It looks like a poet, and you saw a picture of him in his office.

00:26:27Guest 4:Exactly.

00:26:27Guest 4:Books and stuff and pictures.

00:26:30Guest 4:I love it.

00:26:30Guest 4:I love the feel.

00:26:32Marc:It was an office originally.

00:26:33Marc:This was my office.

00:26:34Marc:And then when my wife left, which I'm okay with...

00:26:41Guest 4:but now I've got a little more storage in here than I like and I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do with it all do you need something do you wanna what can I give you no you know we were saying the other day when somebody you give somebody something yeah and then they're over your house a month later you know giving them these chairs right you forget they have them right it doesn't mean they

00:26:57Guest 4:were bad chairs really right right and then a month later you have over though people you gave the chairs to and 10 other people they go what happened your chairs yeah i got rid of them they shit it up my whole house and the other people hey what do you mean you forget they're there you're like oh no they were good for you when you give somebody something there's that awkward thing where there's party that still possesses it so you see them you're like how those chairs doing are you taking care of them and they might have thrown them away and they got a lie to you oh i know totally i gave someone something and it's in their yard rotting and i go wow you know i didn't care i really didn't but

00:27:27Guest 4:Yet I did, like you're saying.

00:27:28Guest 4:And I go, what say?

00:27:29Guest 4:Is that table, you're just throwing that out?

00:27:31Guest 4:Like I wanted to make them think it was all right that you're throwing it.

00:27:33Guest 4:I go, oh, you're finally just throwing that out.

00:27:35Guest 4:They go, no, we're just letting, we want it to age.

00:27:38Guest 4:And I believed them.

00:27:40Guest 4:Like I really did believe them.

00:27:41Guest 4:I didn't think twice until I told somebody else.

00:27:42Guest 4:They went, they're wanting it age.

00:27:44Guest 4:The thing was 100 years old already.

00:27:46Guest 4:What did they want it, 110 years old?

00:27:48Marc:Well, here's what happened to me the other night with that.

00:27:49Marc:Like a woman that I've been seeing gave me a tagine, which is a Moroccan cooking vessel.

00:27:57Marc:she brought it from morocco it's like a clay pot thing that you can cook in and i hadn't used it yet so i decided i'm going to try it because i want to tell her you know how great it is because i like to cook so i i oh and she's going to listen all right well i guess this is the way she's going to find out

00:28:12Marc:So I buy the lamb, I buy the vegetables, I buy the strange spices.

00:28:17Marc:I'm ready to start cooking in this tagine.

00:28:20Marc:And I put the bottom part of it on the stove and the other part is still on the refrigerator.

00:28:24Marc:So I go to get the ingredients out and the top part falls down and breaks.

00:28:28Marc:And I feel bad because it was a gift, but also I had my mindset on cooking in this fucking thing.

00:28:33Marc:So it's like literally 7.45 at night and I'm like, I gotta fucking get a tagine now.

00:28:39Marc:So I call up Sir Latab with panic in my voice.

00:28:42Marc:I'm like,

00:28:42Marc:i'm like do you have tagines i don't even know if i'm saying it right they're moroccan cooking best and the woman's like hold on i'll check she's like we have three i'm like how late are you open and she's like we're open for another 15 minutes i'm like i'm just hold it for me i'm coming now and i wonder in that woman's life how often has she had an urgent call for moroccan cooking that's i was just thinking never but so i got one and now like you know well now my uh my my friend knows yeah i'm sorry i didn't i didn't break it on purpose but i did cook in it and all that

00:29:09Guest 4:This is a good time, and I don't mean to put the pressure on her to find out whether she's... And by the way, I don't know how she's going to react yet.

00:29:15Guest 4:Sane or not?

00:29:16Guest 4:Because you did something totally from your... You did a total accident.

00:29:20Guest 4:Yeah.

00:29:21Guest 4:And I think a sign that you care is like you feel bad about it.

00:29:24Guest 4:Right.

00:29:25Guest 4:So she's either going to react one way, which will be like...

00:29:27Guest 4:Or she'll be like, no, no, no, no, honey, that's all right.

00:29:32Guest 4:So now it's in your court.

00:29:33Guest 4:What's your name?

00:29:34Guest 4:Megan.

00:29:34Guest 4:Megan, it's in your court.

00:29:37Marc:Well, I just didn't tell her because it wasn't so much.

00:29:39Marc:I don't know why we lie about stupid shit.

00:29:42Marc:Why do you hide stupid shit?

00:29:43Marc:I understand why you hide major shit, but like little things like I just like I felt bad because I was so excited about it.

00:29:49Marc:And I, you know, actually, I think I got a bigger and better one in retrospect.

00:29:54Guest 3:Oh, don't say that.

00:29:55Marc:oh now she's pissed off again and now it's your fault i can't help you no wait let me just let me try and explain it like like like once i did the recipe i realized there are two sizes and the one that she'd given me it would have been a very frustrating cooking experience because it wouldn't fit and i couldn't tell that from the moroccan video i pulled up off of youtube i literally went to youtube to find out how to do cook with this thing and they had a video that had moroccan music and and like they're videoing each one of the ingredients so you don't really get a sense of the size and it's going in and

00:30:23Marc:And the one that she had given me would not have.

00:30:28Marc:But it was pretty.

00:30:28Marc:And it was good food?

00:30:32Marc:It was great.

00:30:33Marc:And I'm looking forward to cooking it for her.

00:30:35Marc:Do you think I made it better?

00:30:36Marc:No, no, no.

00:30:36Marc:I think it's fine.

00:30:37Marc:I can edit all of this out.

00:30:38Marc:No, don't.

00:30:39Guest 4:Hey, I wanted to, if you don't mind, but it's your show.

00:30:42Guest 4:What does that even mean?

00:30:43Guest 4:Well, I mean, I wanted to talk about something we talked about before we started the podcast.

00:30:46Marc:Of course, you can talk about anything you want.

00:30:48Marc:If you have questions for me, I'm glad to answer them.

00:30:50Marc:We've known each other a long time.

00:30:52Guest 4:How long?

00:30:53Guest 4:I would say 20, over 20 years.

00:30:55Marc:Well, it's weird with comedians.

00:30:56Marc:I think people are starting to realize with my show in particular, because I usually go one-on-one with guys.

00:31:00Marc:A lot of guys I've never sat down and had a conversation like this with, but we've known each other for 20 years.

00:31:08Marc:Doug Stanhope, I'd never even met before, but we know of each other.

00:31:11Marc:We know each other's work, but this was the first time we sat down and talked.

00:31:14Guest 4:Yeah, it is amazing how often that happens and how quick you become comfortable.

00:31:18Guest 4:You're right.

00:31:20Guest 4:I just did a tour with David Cross, and I've known him probably for 20 years, and I told my brother, it was a little weird.

00:31:26Guest 4:I go, I'm a little nervous.

00:31:27Guest 4:Yeah.

00:31:27Guest 4:And he goes, you've known him for 20 years.

00:31:29Guest 4:I go, I've never lived with him.

00:31:32Guest 4:We're on a bus for a month and a half, and you don't know what will someone be like.

00:31:36Guest 4:Are they even-tempered?

00:31:37Guest 4:He's a cranky bastard.

00:31:39Guest 4:I actually lived with him.

00:31:40Guest 4:I'll tell you, he must be, in my experience,

00:31:44Guest 4:great, even-tempered, very... I'll tell you honestly... He's in a good spot in his life.

00:31:51Marc:When we were younger, he is in a good spot.

00:31:53Marc:I think he's comfortable financially.

00:31:55Marc:He likes his house.

00:31:56Marc:He likes the woman he's with.

00:31:57Marc:When I talked to him on this show, I was so happy for him because he has gone through some cranky periods, but he's really seemed sort of... He's got some peace of mind.

00:32:06Marc:I think he's happy with himself.

00:32:08Marc:And I envied that, but I was happy for my friend.

00:32:12Marc:Do you have peace of mind?

00:32:13Guest 4:Peace of mind?

00:32:14Guest 4:Yeah, I would say I'd do it.

00:32:18Guest 4:But I will tell you this.

00:32:19Guest 4:He gave me the best opportunity.

00:32:21Guest 4:I have a problem if a joke... You know when a joke is... The type of joke that's Kevin Meany funny, where it's funny, then it's not funny.

00:32:29Guest 4:And if you do it long enough, it gets funny.

00:32:30Guest 4:I have a problem with that commitment.

00:32:32Guest 4:So I had this joke where it was about a...

00:32:35Guest 4:about a magic bullet no the chamois commercial and i'll do it real quick it was 10 seconds where i go it wipes up juice soda coffee upstairs outside inside downstairs use it on the sofa use it on the dog use it i do it for 20 seconds you know i know what a rag does he goes if you can do that bit for two and a half minutes yeah i'll give you two thousand dollars

00:32:52Guest 4:and i went dave you don't understand how much that like i really that that's gonna help me not on that one joke but to teach me if i can learn something and get two thousand dollars to do it yeah i have never in my life ran a marathon done anything i'm not i started to get i called up my friend dana hey google me types of hardware floors colors dogs schnauzers i thought if i read 50 and i retain three you know yeah i and i just the second night i went out he goes they're timing me

00:33:19Guest 4:I went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

00:33:27Guest 4:And just when I knew that I went on and on, one minute.

00:33:31Guest 4:I'm like, what?

00:33:32Guest 4:Are you shitting me?

00:33:33Guest 4:The next night, finally, I'm like, I go, dude, I go.

00:33:36Guest 4:January, February, March, I learned tricks.

00:33:38Guest 4:Drop it on the floor in January.

00:33:40Guest 4:You can wipe up a meatball sandwich, wipe up a ham and cheese sandwich, wipe up a tomato sandwich, wipe up.

00:33:44Guest 4:Finally, one night, I go, will you tell me when I'm at two minutes?

00:33:47Guest 4:He goes, nope, you just got to do it.

00:33:48Guest 4:If you go 10 minutes, I'm not telling you.

00:33:50Guest 4:So I did two minutes and 50 seconds, the sixth night, finally.

00:33:53Guest 4:And how was the audience responding?

00:33:55Guest 4:It was...

00:33:56Guest 4:you know as he probably knew great like they went on and out and in and finally they picked you know what i mean they lost me and then they came back and i think it was the hardest point is when they go i think the first one is the easiest one where they go it's funny and then it's not they know it's going to get funny again but then there's a point when they're all thinking and to me this is the hard one and this is why it took two thousand dollars to get me there when they go yeah we get the joke yeah

00:34:20Guest 4:We get it, and it's up and down.

00:34:21Guest 4:You're going to keep doing it, and we're going to laugh more.

00:34:24Guest 4:And we're not.

00:34:24Guest 4:We've been through our cycle.

00:34:26Guest 4:And then they do it.

00:34:27Guest 4:We've been through our cycle.

00:34:29Guest 4:Yeah, we get it.

00:34:29Guest 4:Ha-ha.

00:34:30Guest 4:It's going to get funny again, but it's not.

00:34:32Guest 4:And then if you do it, they go, oh, it's funny.

00:34:35Guest 4:You break them down.

00:34:36Guest 4:You break them down.

00:34:37Marc:Yeah, that's funny that we can talk in this language where you've put it in a way that I've never heard before.

00:34:42Marc:They've been through their cycle.

00:34:43Marc:You know, of course, from the manual, the laugh cycle.

00:34:46Marc:Yeah.

00:34:46Marc:They've depleted that.

00:34:47Marc:Like, if you look at page seven in the comedian's textbook, the laugh cycle is limited.

00:34:51Guest 4:It's, I don't care.

00:34:52Guest 4:Zoom, zoom, zoom.

00:34:53Guest 4:Bing, bing, bing.

00:34:53Guest 4:Yeah.

00:34:54Guest 4:First time with Kevin Meany, nearly.

00:34:55Guest 4:I think I punched my brother in the face.

00:34:58Guest 4:I was laughing so hard.

00:34:59Guest 4:I don't care.

00:35:00Guest 4:Zoom, zoom, zoom.

00:35:01Guest 4:Meow, meow, meow.

00:35:02Guest 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:03Guest 5:So you went home for Thanksgiving?

00:35:05Guest 4:I didn't go home.

00:35:07Guest 4:I went home last Thanksgiving, but when you said that, it made me think of last Thanksgiving and also this Christmas.

00:35:13Marc:You reacted like it was just a couple weeks ago.

00:35:15Guest 4:It's because I'm dealing with it going home for Christmas.

00:35:17Guest 4:It's very... And again, for my mom, it's just such... Everything...

00:35:24Guest 4:is a it's a big production and it's like yeah i get to get the tree up and i live my life like the opposite like when i get ready for christmas i'm not kidding you to me i'm like may pretending my mom's watching me and i want to say see how easy was that and here's what i have

00:35:40Guest 4:I have a box of stuff and it's in the garage, two boxes of Christmas.

00:35:44Guest 4:It's in even a green and red box.

00:35:47Guest 4:You buy it at Home Depot.

00:35:48Guest 4:So I know there's Christmas.

00:35:49Guest 4:Yeah.

00:35:49Guest 4:I pull it out.

00:35:50Guest 4:I walk it into the house and I put it on the sofa.

00:35:54Guest 4:Then I have a little bit of coffee.

00:35:56Guest 4:Then I start pulling things out of the box.

00:35:57Guest 4:That goes up there.

00:35:58Guest 4:All I know, 10 minutes later, all the Christmas stuff is out.

00:36:01Guest 4:And then the other box is stuff for the tree.

00:36:03Guest 1:Right.

00:36:04Guest 4:And that gets neatly put near the door.

00:36:05Guest 4:Maybe two days later, I buy a tree.

00:36:07Guest 4:The stand's already on it.

00:36:09Guest 4:I come into the house.

00:36:09Guest 4:I put it up.

00:36:11Guest 4:And I just slowly, three or four here, I have some friends over.

00:36:14Guest 4:Everyone put up two things on my tree.

00:36:16Guest 4:Yeah, yeah.

00:36:17Guest 4:And that's done.

00:36:18Guest 4:Yeah.

00:36:19Guest 4:And that's it.

00:36:20Guest 4:Yeah.

00:36:20Guest 4:I go, Mom, what are you doing?

00:36:22Guest 4:I did it.

00:36:23Guest 4:What are you doing?

00:36:24Guest 4:And I try to teach her.

00:36:25Guest 4:What did she do?

00:36:26Guest 4:Oh, I got to get the tree, and I got the lights, and I threw them out.

00:36:30Guest 4:I go, Mom, what happened to all the decorations?

00:36:32Guest 4:She goes, I threw them out last year.

00:36:33Guest 4:They were old.

00:36:34Guest 4:I go, Mom, that's what's cool about decorations.

00:36:37Guest 4:And she'd eat the thing, and I got to cook this.

00:36:40Guest 4:I go, don't cook.

00:36:40Guest 4:Stop.

00:36:41Guest 4:And I just try to get her to enjoy her life.

00:36:43Guest 4:My brother said, you know what, Todd?

00:36:44Guest 4:Just maybe let her do her stuff.

00:36:46Guest 4:The minute you get her as calm as she needs to be, she might pass away.

00:36:49Guest 4:Maybe that's what keeps her going.

00:36:51Guest 4:She acts like a 30-year-old.

00:36:52Guest 4:So maybe I should just let her do it.

00:36:53Marc:It is what keeps people going.

00:36:54Marc:I've seen it in comedy a lot.

00:36:56Marc:You're like, oh my God, is that guy still doing it?

00:36:58Marc:What else is he going to do?

00:37:00Marc:I'm not going to mention names.

00:37:01Marc:Insert name there.

00:37:02Marc:It doesn't matter who.

00:37:04Marc:I'm trying to think.

00:37:05Marc:But my father's the same way.

00:37:06Marc:He's working his ass off.

00:37:07Marc:He's 72 years old.

00:37:08Marc:What does he do?

00:37:09Marc:Well, he was a doctor.

00:37:11Marc:He is a doctor.

00:37:12Marc:But he's not in private practice anymore.

00:37:14Marc:What type of doctor?

00:37:16Marc:Orthopedic.

00:37:17Marc:But now he's into wellness and pain management.

00:37:20Marc:So it's very funny because he had this huge practice.

00:37:22Marc:He was a successful sort of wealthy doctor.

00:37:26Marc:And after certain events in his life and this, that, and the other thing, now he's running a pain management clinic at a strip mall.

00:37:30Marc:And I'm like, you're just one of the people now, aren't you?

00:37:34Marc:Yeah.

00:37:34Marc:Pain management, it's really quite interesting.

00:37:38Guest 4:It's all real and you believe it?

00:37:40Marc:No, no, he's a legitimate doctor and he's very smart, but he's sort of shifted from, like he's always had a problem with bureaucracies, hospital administrators, insurance companies.

00:37:49Marc:He always felt that they stood in the way of his ability to practice the kind of medicine he wants.

00:37:54Marc:And now some shift because he doesn't do surgery anymore.

00:37:58Marc:You know, he's all into preventative medicine and treating pain and getting people on diets and nutrition.

00:38:03Marc:He's become quite an interesting guy.

00:38:05Marc:But he also does like he makes rounds of prisons and he's always befriending prisoners.

00:38:08Marc:He's like, this guy's really all right.

00:38:09Marc:You know, he killed two people.

00:38:11Marc:But, you know, you sit down with him.

00:38:12Marc:He's a nice guy.

00:38:12Marc:And I'm always like, Dad, don't invite him to the house when he gets out.

00:38:15Guest 4:Is your mom still in the picture with him?

00:38:16Marc:No, no.

00:38:17Marc:My mom's out of the picture and in some other picture in Florida.

00:38:20Guest 4:But your dad sounds like he's forward thinking.

00:38:22Guest 4:He is.

00:38:23Marc:He's always thinking.

00:38:24Marc:But the example was that he loves to work.

00:38:28Marc:In my mind, if someone gave me a million dollars, I'd be like, great, I'm done.

00:38:32Marc:You know, but like, it doesn't matter how much money, like he's not making the money he used to, but he just loves to be like, you know, I'm busy as hell.

00:38:40Guest 4:But that's a good, you just said that because for what we do, you know, if you love what you do, then it doesn't change it drastically, just what you can do.

00:38:47Guest 4:So if someone gave you $5 million right now.

00:38:49Guest 4:Yeah.

00:38:50Guest 4:Do you know exactly what you would do?

00:38:52Marc:Yes, I do.

00:38:53Marc:What?

00:38:53Marc:Okay.

00:38:54Marc:I'd make a decision right away to either redo, get my deck done.

00:39:00Guest 4:But what about in the business?

00:39:02Marc:You'd still do stand-up, wouldn't you?

00:39:04Marc:I would do stand-up, but I would really reassess.

00:39:07Marc:Because the way I'm looking at it now, I'm just starting to have some peace of mind in my life.

00:39:10Marc:I'm just getting over a lot of demons.

00:39:12Marc:I'm actually starting to feel comfortable with myself and enjoy certain things.

00:39:16Marc:I would probably have to make a list of like,

00:39:18Marc:what is like the 10 things that I would really enjoy doing, whether they be travel, how could I enjoy myself?

00:39:24Marc:Those would come first before, like, you know, like, great, I'll put that in the bank and I'm going to go down to the UCB.

00:39:29Marc:You know, like there's an outside chance that if they give me a lot of money and I had a date book that giggles in Seattle, I'd be like, you know what?

00:39:37Marc:I'm canceling that.

00:39:39Marc:You know, but usually in our business, the money comes with a certain amount of recognition.

00:39:42Marc:So you're telling me that I get $5 million and like a hundred thousand new fans that love me, or am I just getting the $5 million?

00:39:50Guest 4:Well, the 5 million, I always look at it this way.

00:39:52Guest 4:There'd definitely be, it's funny you go right to your deck because I think, really?

00:39:56Guest 4:And I, but I go right to this bathroom.

00:39:57Guest 4:I have a bathroom I want to fix.

00:39:59Marc:It's dangerous out there.

00:40:00Marc:It's not that like, I'm not a materialistic guy.

00:40:02Marc:I don't buy shit.

00:40:03Marc:I, you know, I don't spend money.

00:40:04Guest 4:but i think what i would probably do is i would think a bunch of places i really want to visit you know and you know you never thought like because i always think that too and then i think if you really believe that you're funny you take some of that money and you produce your own hbo special or comedy central special and you submit it to them and if you're and if you're if you're you know the odds are that if it's done right and it is funny that you get it you get a chance to go see i did it myself and they loved it or do something like that where you would take out a

00:40:31Guest 4:I always think about like if you took out a campaign and put billboards all over the city, but you had, but you had, I'm pulling that out of my butt, but you understand.

00:40:38Marc:Have my picture and say, hey, I got money on HBO tonight.

00:40:43Guest 4:No, like if you were in a city and you had the money.

00:40:46Guest 4:Now it's different.

00:40:47Guest 4:Most people that have money for billboards are people that don't have anything to do with their talent.

00:40:51Guest 4:Like who was that famous woman in L.A.

00:40:53Guest 4:that had the billboards all over?

00:40:54Marc:Okay, so what you're asking me is something different now.

00:40:56Marc:So like I love doing this podcast because no one can tell me what to do.

00:41:00Marc:It's just me and Brendan doing what we want to do.

00:41:02Marc:with freedom of mind.

00:41:04Marc:I talk to who I want to talk to.

00:41:05Marc:No one can take it away from us.

00:41:06Marc:And I like that feeling.

00:41:08Marc:So I think if I had money to afford maybe getting someone to work for me in a way of keeping me organized like you have, perhaps have a publicist, and then set up a bunch of dates where I could rent a room and then publicize my own dates and that kind of stuff, I would do that.

00:41:23Marc:I would love to shoot a special.

00:41:26Marc:But in my mind,

00:41:28Marc:Like a lot of times you do things and they're done and still just the same amount of people is going to come no matter what you do.

00:41:36Marc:You know what I mean?

00:41:36Marc:I've been around long enough to know that like I have fans.

00:41:39Marc:There's not millions of them, but they're loyal and I like them and they understand me.

00:41:43Marc:So if I could give them something, you know, that, that they could come to, like a lot of people, I don't get out on the road too much because, you know, for some reason I'm unbookable in certain markets.

00:41:52Marc:Like certain clubs are like, I don't know, Marin is, he's polarizing.

00:41:55Marc:He's, you know, like whatever.

00:41:56Marc:Yeah.

00:41:56Marc:But I'd like to perform for the people that have never seen me.

00:41:59Marc:So I'd figure that out.

00:42:00Guest 4:You know what I realized from sort of just reacting to the tail end of what you said as far as like, you know, there's certain really good comedians and then, you know, they don't get used at some of the improvs or funny bonesies five, sometimes three to 600 seat rooms.

00:42:16Guest 4:I just saw something that reminded me of when I first started comedy.

00:42:20Guest 4:I was in Bloomington, Indiana.

00:42:21Marc:Yeah, I want to do that room.

00:42:22Guest 4:And you know what I realized?

00:42:24Guest 4:I realized that...

00:42:26Guest 4:First of all, they would love you to do that room.

00:42:28Guest 4:And I realized that they don't have the overhead and all this stuff that makes it hard to bring in a comedian that maybe is a great comedian, respected.

00:42:37Guest 4:There was a 160-seat room.

00:42:39Marc:That's the best.

00:42:40Marc:Give me a little room.

00:42:41Marc:It's so much better.

00:42:42Marc:80 to 140 seats, it's great.

00:42:44Marc:What a great every night.

00:42:46Guest 4:It was just like being...

00:42:49Guest 4:It was all great.

00:42:51Guest 4:I would just go on stage.

00:42:52Guest 4:I started doing this.

00:42:54Guest 4:I used to look at it and think, oh, no.

00:42:56Guest 4:You ever sit on stage ever?

00:42:58Guest 4:Yeah.

00:42:59Guest 4:Me?

00:42:59Guest 4:You're talking to Marc Maron.

00:43:00Marc:Do you sit?

00:43:03Marc:I used to sit for the wrong reason.

00:43:04Marc:But now, when I was at the Laughing Skull, I sat for the entire show because a lot of guys were sitters, and I like sitting.

00:43:11Marc:But when I used to sit was the moment where it's like, oh, my God, I'm not getting them.

00:43:15Yeah.

00:43:16Marc:so so in order to counteract pound panic i'd be like i'm failing i'm gonna sit and then i sit but now i'm just sort of like i like to see how much i can do from the chair because like i'm a guy that when i started there was a lot of bravado so i do a lot of the pacing and i'd be over here and i'd be over here and i you know i was big and i was up in their face and now like i'm sort of like you know what can i do just from the chair

00:43:39Guest 4:Well, if you think about it, and again, it's with everything.

00:43:42Guest 4:You do whatever's right for you.

00:43:43Guest 4:I'm not lobbying that everybody should sit.

00:43:46Guest 4:But if you were talking to two, just as a conversation concept, if you and two people were standing and you bumped into somebody and you were talking and you decided, hey, you know what?

00:43:57Guest 4:Do you have any time to kill?

00:43:58Guest 4:Eventually, you would sit down.

00:43:59Guest 4:Right.

00:43:59Guest 4:You're not going to stand.

00:44:00Guest 4:So I'm going to go, why am I standing?

00:44:02Guest 4:One night I said, and still I do stand sometimes.

00:44:04Guest 4:But when I sit, I go, I can concentrate more.

00:44:06Guest 4:And I think that's why even as two human beings just hanging out somewhere.

00:44:10Guest 4:And eventually if you're talking and 10 minutes goes by, you go, hey, you want to grab a seat?

00:44:13Guest 4:Why?

00:44:13Guest 4:Because we're talking.

00:44:15Guest 4:We should sit and talk and concentrate on talking, not walking and standing.

00:44:19Guest 4:It's like now as I think that I'm so paranoid, I went, well, you could take a walk and talk.

00:44:23Marc:Sure.

00:44:24Marc:You can take a walk and talk.

00:44:25Marc:And certainly when you're making a presentation in front of people, it's probably better to stand.

00:44:29Marc:And stand up comic.

00:44:32Marc:I'm going to go back to standing.

00:44:33Marc:All right, Todd.

00:44:34Marc:Well, I think we can end there.

00:44:36Marc:You want to stand up now?

00:44:37Guest 4:No.

00:44:37Guest 4:What if we were both standing?

00:44:39Guest 4:Let's sit down.

00:44:41Marc:We should sit down.

00:44:43Marc:We're going to sit down if you don't mind and have a real conversation.

00:44:46Guest 4:This was fun.

00:44:47Guest 4:It was.

00:44:47Guest 4:I love this.

00:44:48Guest 4:We'll do it again.

00:44:49Guest 4:All right.

00:44:49Guest 4:Thank you.

00:44:49Guest 4:It was good times.

00:44:50Guest 4:Todd Glass.

00:44:53Bye.

00:45:07Marc:Okay, got a sort of an interesting guest in the garage today.

00:45:10Marc:As you know, I do believe in people's power to come together and help one another.

00:45:16Marc:It is something I think that I've spoken about before that it's very easy to get angry at people over bullshit and this and the other thing.

00:45:24Marc:And it's very hard to find a common thread.

00:45:27Marc:So today I brought in a guy.

00:45:30Marc:that I did a little research on him.

00:45:32Marc:He's actually referred to me.

00:45:34Marc:It's Kevin LaValle, and he has embarked on something he calls Lighten Up America, which is really to reinvigorate community intolerance.

00:45:44Guest 2:Is it not, Kevin?

00:45:46Guest 2:Among other things, it is to reinvigorate.

00:45:48Guest 2:It is to remind.

00:45:49Guest 2:It is to encourage.

00:45:51Guest 2:It's to bring people together.

00:45:52Guest 2:And most importantly, Mark, as you said, and as we are, lighten up America.

00:45:58Guest 2:Everybody needs to take a deep breath.

00:46:00Guest 2:relax, center, focus.

00:46:04Guest 2:And those are our goals.

00:46:05Guest 2:Those are our goals.

00:46:06Guest 2:That's great.

00:46:06Marc:And now do you, is it, how does the operation work?

00:46:10Marc:And is it a motivational speaking thing or is it?

00:46:12Guest 2:Yes, yes, yes.

00:46:14Guest 2:That's ultimately where I see myself in the grand scheme of things with Lighten Up America.

00:46:20Guest 2:I see myself as being the voice.

00:46:23Guest 2:I see myself as being the driving force.

00:46:25Guest 2:And Lighten Up America really got its origins in Michigan.

00:46:28Guest 2:I was at the,

00:46:30Guest 2:I was working the church camp circuit, basically.

00:46:34Guest 2:I started out as a counselor, driving kids back and forth to the lakefronts and various things of that nature.

00:46:40Guest 2:And while I was driving the kids, I'd have conversations with them.

00:46:43Guest 2:Just typical everyday, how you doing?

00:46:45Guest 2:What's going on?

00:46:46Guest 2:What's bugging you?

00:46:48Guest 2:What's making you happy?

00:46:49Guest 2:And from there, I developed a relationship with the families and the kids where I kind of considered myself a go-to man.

00:46:55Guest 2:And I thought, why not capitalize on it?

00:46:57Guest 2:Why not take my gifts with communication and set out to lighten up America?

00:47:04Guest 2:What we're doing, Mark, we're really beginning to establish an idea that will become a social norm in the United States.

00:47:13Marc:Okay, which is, you know, let's all come together and lighten up and we'll shoulder this burden together.

00:47:18Marc:So you go to, say, a convention center, you're booked.

00:47:21Right.

00:47:22Guest 2:If when I go to a convention center, for example, one of our first presentations is going to be take the edge off.

00:47:29Guest 2:Let me just ask you something.

00:47:30Guest 2:Just consider.

00:47:31Guest 2:Okay.

00:47:32Guest 2:What stresses you out now?

00:47:34Guest 2:What makes you edgy?

00:47:35Guest 2:What in your world today makes you edgy?

00:47:37Guest 2:You live in Los Angeles, California.

00:47:39Guest 2:And I got to say, this place is awesome.

00:47:40Guest 2:It's my first time here.

00:47:42Guest 2:And I like the fact you can ski and swim and horseback ride all in the same day.

00:47:46Guest 2:Sure.

00:47:47Guest 2:Unbelievable.

00:47:47Guest 2:Yeah.

00:47:47Guest 2:But what about this city?

00:47:49Marc:What element?

00:47:51Marc:Okay, like right off the bat, traffic.

00:47:53Marc:Sure.

00:47:53Marc:Traffic makes me energy and also like my health insurance is about to run out.

00:47:57Guest 2:Do you ever notice the drivers that would be those that would cause you specifically stress?

00:48:05Guest 2:I mean, you're a light guy.

00:48:06Guest 2:You're a humorist.

00:48:08Guest 2:You're a comedian.

00:48:10Guest 2:You have a sense of humor.

00:48:11Guest 2:Yeah.

00:48:13Marc:Well, I mean, I don't know if people would call it light per se, but yeah, I know what you're saying.

00:48:16Marc:I'm a funny guy, so that means that I'm bringing...

00:48:18Marc:a certain amount of light into the world.

00:48:21Guest 2:Well, there is that kind of light.

00:48:23Guest 2:Right.

00:48:23Guest 2:There is a feather light.

00:48:25Guest 2:There's the weight.

00:48:26Guest 2:The lightness of being.

00:48:28Guest 2:And then there's a greater sort of all-encompassing light.

00:48:30Marc:All right.

00:48:31Marc:Well, it doesn't matter who it is.

00:48:32Marc:It's just usually I can't really put a blame on a person for traffic.

00:48:36Marc:I mean, sometimes it's about nothing.

00:48:38Guest 2:Well, blame may not be the right word, but awareness, recognition, clearing up misinformation, addressing issues that might have led to the darkening, the dark state that we're in in the United States right now.

00:48:53Guest 2:I mean, let's face it.

00:48:54Guest 2:It's a dark place.

00:48:56Guest 2:And there are many reasons.

00:48:57Guest 2:There are many places we can go.

00:48:59Guest 2:A lot of the things are unsure economically.

00:49:01Guest 2:Unsure.

00:49:02Guest 2:And as a result, there is this dark cloud.

00:49:06Guest 2:And some may say it's Afghanistan.

00:49:08Guest 2:Some may say it's the economy.

00:49:10Guest 2:Some may say it's a health issue.

00:49:13Guest 2:We have got to lighten up America.

00:49:15Marc:I understand that.

00:49:16Marc:I just don't understand.

00:49:18Marc:Do you guys sing?

00:49:20Marc:Do you have a five-point program?

00:49:24Guest 2:Do you...

00:49:24Guest 2:We have a program that begins with a motivational presentation by myself that has everybody kind of look around at each other.

00:49:32Guest 2:It's not about me.

00:49:34Guest 2:It's not going to be me talking about my ideas.

00:49:37Guest 2:It's going to be me as a catalyst to the audience, to the Americans that show up, to our presentations and to our assemblies and to our workshops, looking at one another and seeing the light.

00:49:49Guest 2:Right.

00:49:49Guest 2:Kind of a new thing.

00:49:51Guest 2:It's kind of a brand new thing.

00:49:52Marc:I guess I'm not getting the light.

00:49:57Marc:I mean, I'm not getting any little more definition.

00:50:01Marc:Because, I mean, it's easy to say, like, you know, let's have a lightness of being.

00:50:05Marc:Let's head towards the light.

00:50:07Marc:But, I mean, you're sort of using it as a catchphrase.

00:50:09Marc:And I'm not hearing the methodology.

00:50:12Marc:You know what I'm saying?

00:50:13Guest 2:Fair enough.

00:50:14Guest 2:I'll be straight with you.

00:50:15Guest 2:Okay.

00:50:16Guest 2:I was going to save this for the presentation.

00:50:19Guest 2:I didn't want to debut this particular angle.

00:50:22Guest 2:But fair enough, fair enough.

00:50:25Guest 2:It's a growing process.

00:50:26Guest 2:It's a learning process.

00:50:27Guest 2:And I'm not claiming that I'm quartering the market.

00:50:32Guest 2:I'm all about helping people here.

00:50:34Guest 2:Say what you will about our commander in chief.

00:50:38Guest 2:President Obama.

00:50:39Guest 2:Say what you will.

00:50:40Guest 2:Right.

00:50:40Guest 2:About our commander in chief, President Barack Obama.

00:50:45Guest 2:There is one factor that has been completely lost on the mainstream media, the far right media, the far left media, the comedy shows at night, the news analysis programs.

00:50:59Guest 2:One specific aspect that makes President Obama...

00:51:04Guest 2:universally globally accepted and somewhat unique but uh what is it that's bringing hope from a from a man like that the courage that we're not recognizing i ask you that just think about what is the courage it's a so you i guess you're going towards because you know he's he's got uh he's he's got lightness like he's he's full of light you're close uh-huh you're getting very warm

00:51:30Guest 2:Let me walk you through.

00:51:31Guest 2:Let me walk you through events that transpired that may not be documented, that may not be on the consciousness of everybody.

00:51:39Guest 2:Okay.

00:51:39Guest 2:Where is Barack Obama's father from originally?

00:51:42Marc:Africa.

00:51:43Guest 2:That's right.

00:51:44Guest 2:Yeah.

00:51:44Guest 2:Right.

00:51:45Guest 2:And his mom?

00:51:46Guest 2:I believe Kansas.

00:51:47Guest 2:That's correct.

00:51:48Guest 2:Those are both correct answers.

00:51:50Guest 2:Right.

00:51:51Guest 2:Right.

00:51:51Guest 2:As a man and a woman from completely different cultural backgrounds, what do you suspect the two of them recognized?

00:52:01Guest 2:That being that Barack Obama's father, Mr. Obama, was a very learned, very intellectual, very global human being, but possibly limited due to the fact that he might not have always been able to take full advantage of the American way.

00:52:21Guest 2:He brought a darkness.

00:52:24Guest 2:His darkness was his reality.

00:52:28Guest 2:Wait, so you're talking about his personality?

00:52:32Guest 2:I'm talking about his pigment.

00:52:34Guest 2:I'm talking about the darkness of his skin.

00:52:37Guest 2:So his father was black.

00:52:40Guest 2:Oh, yeah.

00:52:41Guest 2:Oh, yeah, he was black.

00:52:42Guest 2:He was very black.

00:52:44Guest 2:What does it have to do with anything?

00:52:45Guest 2:It has to do with the fact that Barack Obama's father recognized that the limitations that he or any of his offspring might have due to the fact that he was dark would put any child in a tremendous disadvantage.

00:52:59Guest 2:Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:52:59Guest 2:He found a white woman.

00:53:02Guest 2:He went to Kansas.

00:53:03Guest 2:We've got some of the whitest, some of the purest snow white women in the world.

00:53:08Guest 2:I'm not sure they met there.

00:53:10Guest 2:I'm pretty sure that- I'm not even sure I like where this is going, but I'm going to indulge you.

00:53:14Guest 2:All right.

00:53:15Guest 2:It may not be easy, and I don't want you to be hard on yourself if you're struggling.

00:53:20Guest 2:Try not to resist.

00:53:21Guest 2:I'm not going to be hard on myself.

00:53:22Guest 2:Try not to resist.

00:53:24Guest 2:Try to embrace the lightning of America.

00:53:26Guest 2:Lighten up America.

00:53:27Marc:All right.

00:53:27Marc:So you mean lightning in terms of skin?

00:53:32Guest 2:We are, including a lot of people like yourself, too, are light-skinned people.

00:53:39Marc:I-

00:53:39Guest 2:are white people are light.

00:53:42Guest 2:The term, the politically correct term is light skin.

00:53:45Guest 2:I'm light skinned.

00:53:46Guest 2:I'm an American and I am light skinned.

00:53:48Marc:I don't think it's used that way.

00:53:50Marc:You don't say I'm an American, which means I'm light skinned.

00:53:54Marc:But what is this point you're going to make about Obama?

00:53:56Guest 2:I'm saying that his father and his mother knew the best chance that we have as a country to grow, to find hope, and to lighten up is to literally grow.

00:54:07Guest 2:I'm talking absolutely physiologically speaking, literally lighten up.

00:54:12Guest 2:We need to get the dark pigmentation within our populace back to where they need to be so that we in the United States can lighten up and then lighten up.

00:54:24Guest 2:And that is the message.

00:54:26Guest 2:And that is the breakthrough that we found at Lighten Up America.

00:54:30Guest 2:It's an idea that was like in front of my face.

00:54:33Guest 2:It was just so obvious when I hit upon it.

00:54:36Guest 2:I could not believe like Eureka.

00:54:39Marc:It was the aha moment that we all look for.

00:54:42Marc:But what you're saying is that we need to get people who are not white.

00:54:46Marc:Where?

00:54:46Marc:Where did they go?

00:54:47Guest 2:Where did they come from?

00:54:49Guest 2:Here.

00:54:49Guest 2:No, no, no.

00:54:52Guest 2:So technically not here, not now, not today.

00:54:55Guest 2:There have been some cultural and evolutionary circumstances with land bridges and so on and so forth.

00:55:02Marc:What makes you different than some sort of Aryan nation person?

00:55:06Marc:What makes you different than a skinhead?

00:55:08Guest 2:I don't hurt people.

00:55:09Guest 2:I don't physically assault people.

00:55:11Guest 2:I don't use racial slurs.

00:55:12Marc:I'm willing to believe that you hurt people.

00:55:13Marc:some of my listeners right now that you hurt their feelings with this with this separatist racist agenda you know we you know you start off with this sort of like happy bullshit and now here we are change change is hard change does hurt so i would not be at all surprised if i did hurt some of your your listeners not my intent what about my black listeners my uh my uh latino listeners my my uh asian listeners

00:55:37Guest 2:Can they not, with this technology, listen to you wherever they are in the world?

00:55:42Guest 2:And has not the courage that Barack Obama's father had and his mother to say, let's take the step, let's lighten up.

00:55:49Guest 2:When you think about Michael Jackson, one of our greatest artists ever, making attempts, being held out as a freak, being held out as somebody who in some way has lost his mind, yet at his death...

00:56:02Guest 2:which was exactly the time when I had my epiphany.

00:56:05Guest 2:And it became so clear to me, the celebration, the respect, everybody coming together for Michael Jackson, the white man who gave his life for us to entertain.

00:56:17Marc:Wait, so you're saying that Michael Jackson was a hero because he made himself white?

00:56:22Marc:Right.

00:56:23Marc:You know what?

00:56:24Marc:I don't...

00:56:25Marc:I don't agree with any of this.

00:56:27Marc:I'm sorry that we got into this conversation.

00:56:29Marc:I don't know why the fuck my friend Tom told me that you would be a good guest.

00:56:32Marc:And I just find what you're saying is reprehensible.

00:56:35Marc:It's racist.

00:56:37Marc:It's no different than a white supremacist or than the Aryan idea, the idea of racial cleansing.

00:56:49Marc:I mean...

00:56:50Marc:And that's what you're saying, isn't it?

00:56:51Marc:I mean, you're saying that our president, our president's black.

00:56:54Marc:Okay.

00:56:55Marc:Black-ish.

00:56:56Guest 2:He's more white than black.

00:56:58Guest 2:When I see the president, the glass is half full.

00:57:02Marc:That's fucked up.

00:57:03Marc:Now, let me just ask you something.

00:57:05Marc:So what do we do with the president then in Lighten Up America?

00:57:10Guest 2:This Lighten Up America will not happen overnight.

00:57:13Guest 2:It'll happen mostly during the day because at night not a lot of work gets done with Lighten Up America simply based on the fact it's dark at night.

00:57:20Guest 2:And that's just not a fruitful time.

00:57:22Guest 2:That's when people sleep.

00:57:24Guest 2:But over time when people begin to recognize that what we all want...

00:57:27Guest 2:What we all want, no matter what, where, or who we came from.

00:57:33Guest 2:I want the Chinese in China.

00:57:36Guest 2:I want the blacks in Africa.

00:57:38Guest 2:I want the browns in South America.

00:57:40Guest 2:And I want the LaValleys right here in the good old United States.

00:57:45Guest 2:And as a passable, Caucasian, a light person, I want you with us too.

00:57:52Guest 2:I'm a Jew.

00:57:53Guest 2:I'm a Jew.

00:57:54Guest 2:that can be worked out.

00:57:55Marc:No, it's not.

00:57:56Marc:This isn't a matter of working anything out, Kevin LaValle.

00:57:59Marc:I want to say that because I don't want to be misunderstood here.

00:58:03Marc:This is a racist agenda.

00:58:06Marc:I know you talk very pleasantly, but you're no different than a white supremacist.

00:58:10Marc:And I think what you're saying is heinous.

00:58:12Marc:And God bless the fact that we're moving in the other direction.

00:58:17Marc:People that think like you are on their way out.

00:58:20Marc:They're on their way out.

00:58:21Marc:And you're going to be outpopulated by the brown, the yellow.

00:58:24Marc:And the, what was the other one?

00:58:26Marc:The black.

00:58:28Guest 2:The black, the brown, the yellow, the red.

00:58:29Guest 2:The red?

00:58:31Guest 2:What's red?

00:58:32Guest 2:Well, these are individuals that migrated from Canada through Soviet Union.

00:58:37Guest 2:We call them Indians.

00:58:38Guest 2:That's fucking ridiculous.

00:58:40Guest 2:It's light.

00:58:41Guest 2:I've lightened up.

00:58:42Guest 2:Obviously you haven't.

00:58:44Guest 2:Perhaps your listeners aren't ready to, but I still appreciate this time you've given me and I appreciate an opportunity to say my piece.

00:58:51Marc:Get the fuck out of my garage.

00:58:54Marc:Just get out of my garage.

00:58:56Marc:This way?

00:58:56Marc:Yeah.

00:59:02Marc:Okay, that's it, people.

00:59:03Marc:I'm sorry I got so uncomfortable there with Kevin LaValle, but I had no idea we were going in that direction.

00:59:09Marc:I don't enjoy that direction, but I want to thank Todd Glass for being here.

00:59:14Marc:Todd Glass, truly one of the funnier people I know, and it was great getting to know him with you people.

00:59:20Marc:I hope you enjoyed that.

00:59:21Marc:Here's a couple of things that I want to talk about before we get out of here.

00:59:24Marc:I know this is far away, but I tend to not promote myself more than promote myself, but I will be in laughs.

00:59:31Marc:at Laughs in Seattle, January 15th and 16th.

00:59:34Marc:You can go to laughscomedy.com to make reservations and get involved in that.

00:59:38Marc:I think I'm there on the 14th as well.

00:59:40Marc:See, that's what I do.

00:59:40Marc:I sabotage the self-promotion.

00:59:43Marc:Yeah, those are the dates, I think.

00:59:44Marc:I don't know.

00:59:44Marc:Maybe you should check.

00:59:46Marc:I don't know.

00:59:47Marc:Go to punchwinemagazine.com for everything you need to know about comedy in all ways.

00:59:53Marc:It's a great resource.

00:59:54Marc:And if you're a fan of comedy, punchwinemagazine.com is the place to check shit out.

01:00:00Marc:That's all I'm saying.

01:00:01Marc:And please, wtfpod.com.

01:00:03Marc:And get on that mailing list, will you?

01:00:05Marc:So I can at least, when I do finally get out of my garage and go somewhere, I can let you know where I'm going.

01:00:11Marc:And maybe you can come down and see me.

01:00:14Marc:I literally have been in this garage.

01:00:15Marc:I have not changed my clothes in three days.

01:00:17Marc:I'll be honest with you.

01:00:18Marc:I've slept in this shirt twice.

01:00:20Marc:That's one of the benefits or one of the sad parts of being self-employed and working out of your home.

01:00:26Marc:You never have to change your clothes and you don't have to shave.

01:00:30Marc:Folks, if I say this again in two weeks, someone come get me.

01:00:35Marc:Please, I'm becoming a hermit.

01:00:37Marc:Don't let it happen.

01:00:37Marc:Please don't let it happen.

01:00:39Marc:And also, I'd like to get behind this because I'm part of it and I'm excited about it.

01:00:43Marc:Jesse Thorne from The Sound of Young America and Jordan Jesse Goh does this big, fun, funny retreat at Lake Arrowhead, May 7th through 9th.

01:00:52Marc:From what I understand, you know, I get to eat and hang out in a sort of...

01:00:56Marc:high-end resort-y kind of cabin, outdoorsy, campy thing with my buddy Al Madrigal is going to be up there.

01:01:02Marc:Maria Bamford, Jimmy Pardo is going to be there.

01:01:05Marc:There are going to be workshops and crafts and cooking classes and comedy performances.

01:01:09Marc:Andrew W.K.

01:01:10Marc:is going to jam.

01:01:11Marc:I heard a rumor that Hodgman might be up there.

01:01:14Marc:But if you want to be part of that, I definitely would like to see you up there.

01:01:18Marc:You can go to maxfuncon.com.

01:01:21Marc:because the event is called MaxFunCon, and I've heard nothing but great things about it.

01:01:26Marc:I think that's all I've got to tell you.

01:01:27Marc:I hope you are all well, and I hope you have a safe holiday season.

01:01:30Marc:And despite the fact that it's very frustrating and very awful and very stressful, try to enjoy something.

01:01:37Marc:Try to enjoy some of it.

01:01:39Marc:Try to be nice to somebody.

01:01:41Marc:And if somebody doesn't like the present you got, then don't get mad at them.

01:01:46Marc:Just try to deal with it.

01:01:47Marc:I mean, even though it does reveal that you really don't know them that well and you completely misread them and perhaps your relationship is not what it should be and it could be a deal breaker.

01:01:56Marc:But try to get over that until at least into the new year.

01:01:59Marc:And before we go, I would like to give a very special holiday greeting.

01:02:04Marc:Is it greeting?

01:02:05Marc:As it wishes, you know, fuck it.

01:02:07Marc:I just want to thank Brendan McDonald, who produces this show and does a great job.

01:02:14Marc:And I got to be honest with you, I couldn't do it without him.

01:02:17Marc:And he deserves a lot of... I'm just going to give him a little applause.

01:02:23Marc:So Merry Christmas, Brendan McDonald and his lovely wife Dawn.

01:02:26Marc:I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

01:02:29Marc:And I'm eternally grateful to you and also eternally grateful to you listeners.

01:02:34Marc:Please be careful.

01:02:35Marc:Thanks.