Episode 31 - Steve Rannazzisi / Listener Email

Episode 31 • Released December 16, 2009 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Guest 3:Lock the gates!

00:00:07Guest 1:Are we doing this?

00:00:08Guest 1:Really?

00:00:08Guest 1:Wait for it.

00:00:09Guest 1:Are we doing this?

00:00:10Guest 1:Wait for it.

00:00:12Guest 1:Pow!

00:00:12Guest 1:What the fuck?

00:00:14Guest 1:And it's also... Eh, what the fuck?

00:00:16Guest 1:What's wrong with me?

00:00:17Guest 1:It's time for WTF!

00:00:19Guest 2:What the fuck?

00:00:20Guest 2:With Mark Maron.

00:00:23Marc:Let's do this thing.

00:00:24Marc:Okay, what the fuckers?

00:00:26Marc:How's it going?

00:00:26Marc:It's Mark Maron.

00:00:27Marc:This is WTF with Mark Maron.

00:00:30Marc:I am him.

00:00:30Marc:In just a few minutes, we're going to talk to Steve Ranazzisi.

00:00:33Marc:He's a comedian who I've known for the last year or so.

00:00:35Marc:Good guy.

00:00:36Marc:He's on that new show called The League on FX.

00:00:39Marc:I don't really know him that well, so this is going to be one of those very specific Mark Maron interviews where I learned that everything I thought about somebody was probably untrue, and we get to know each other right here in front of you folks.

00:00:50Marc:I want to thank you guys and girls, men, women, people who are a little of both, whatever you are.

00:00:57Marc:Thank you for heeding the call.

00:01:00Marc:to find us some new theme music.

00:01:02Marc:The entries are coming in, and I have to say a lot of you guys out there are doing some pretty good work at your computers with your guitars and your garage band or whatever sound program you're using.

00:01:14Marc:Thank you for doing it.

00:01:15Marc:Keep sending them in.

00:01:16Marc:We're going to figure out what to do with them.

00:01:17Marc:There's a lot of options.

00:01:18Marc:Maybe we'll try a few.

00:01:19Marc:Maybe we'll make a contest.

00:01:21Marc:Maybe we'll get that organized sometime.

00:01:23Marc:I don't know.

00:01:25Marc:I want to get a little business out of the way.

00:01:26Marc:I hope you're doing okay.

00:01:27Marc:First off, I just want to say, hold on, hold on.

00:01:30you

00:01:32Marc:Pow!

00:01:34Marc:Oh my God.

00:01:35Marc:I just shit my pants.

00:01:37Marc:This coffee is amazing.

00:01:38Marc:And you know what?

00:01:39Marc:My shit doesn't stink either.

00:01:40Marc:How does that grab you?

00:01:41Marc:And you want to know why?

00:01:42Marc:I'll tell you why.

00:01:43Marc:Because I'm drinking JustCoffee.coop coffee, but as you know, they have the new WTF blend.

00:01:49Marc:So I would go to JustCoffee.coop, put WTF in the coupon box and get yourself some of that because it's dark and it's strong and it's good and it's not bitter.

00:01:59Marc:It's exactly like me.

00:02:00Marc:Dark, strong, good.

00:02:02Marc:Not bitter, not bitter.

00:02:04Marc:But here's what I've been doing because it's wintertime because I had to buy some spices for some dish I made.

00:02:09Marc:Now you're going to say, what dish did you make, Mark?

00:02:11Marc:I made a spectacular lamb dish in my tagine.

00:02:16Marc:I don't even know if I'm saying that right, so I'm sure one of you will correct me.

00:02:20Marc:In my Moroccan tagine, I made this lamb with dried plums, which is a nice way to say prunes.

00:02:28Marc:And I bought some spices for some tagine cooking, which is what I'm going to get into.

00:02:34Marc:And I used to do this with coffee.

00:02:35Marc:I don't know if you've had Arabic coffee, but what I do is I take some WTF blend from just coffee dot co-op.

00:02:42Marc:I put the beans in the grinder.

00:02:43Marc:Then I put like five or six cardamom pods.

00:02:46Marc:I fill the grinder up with beans to the top, put five or six cardamom pods in there.

00:02:51Marc:five or six cloves and break off about an inch of a cinnamon stick and grind all those things up right into the coffee and then put it in the filter and make it like that.

00:03:01Marc:And it's spectacular.

00:03:03Marc:It's like a big glass of hot Egypt right in your mouth.

00:03:08Marc:Or if you want to go a little more sentimental, a big glass of hot Christmas right in your mouth.

00:03:16Marc:Wow, that is exotic.

00:03:18Marc:I feel like I just traveled to the Middle East where I stood on the banks of the Red Sea in Sinai and I looked out at Saudi Arabia and said, oh, so that's where the trouble is sometimes, huh?

00:03:31Marc:And what am I doing in the Sinai?

00:03:32Marc:And how do I have a spiritual moment with all this pressuring down on me?

00:03:36Marc:Hold on, let me go to another place.

00:03:38Marc:Oh, my God.

00:03:41Marc:I'm in Boston, 1986, working in Harvard Square.

00:03:46Marc:It's winter.

00:03:47Marc:I feel like the world is my oyster.

00:03:48Marc:I'm smoking a lot of cigarettes.

00:03:50Marc:Maybe I'm a little high, and I'm steaming some coffee because I'm a barista at a coffee shop, and I'm in love with this girl, Colleen, who I look at longingly all the time but doesn't like me and marry some guy named Peter.

00:04:04Marc:All right, that didn't work out either.

00:04:05Marc:Hold on.

00:04:08Marc:pow holy shit i'm in my garage doing a podcast and i'm 46 fucking years old okay that one's gonna have to stick so let's let's get down to brass tacks is there brass tacks what do i have to say to you people i think on the last one i said that i was having a hard time giving a fuck about things that seems to be passing i seem to i seem to be giving a fuck a little bit more these days and doing some serious what the fucking but also oh god you want to hear oh shit

00:04:36Marc:You want to hear what the fuck?

00:04:38Marc:I'll tell you what the fuck.

00:04:40Marc:Some of you who listen to my podcast regularly know the story that I told on here.

00:04:46Marc:a while back about getting involved with a woman who said she was separated.

00:04:52Marc:And then it turns out she wasn't.

00:04:53Marc:And then it turns out I got an angry man after me.

00:04:55Marc:And then it turns out that that guy chased me in his truck one day.

00:04:59Marc:And then it turns out, I don't know what the hell to do.

00:05:01Marc:And I ended up writing them both an email because she sent us both an email and it got crazy and dramatic and weird.

00:05:07Marc:So here's what happens a few days ago.

00:05:09Marc:I'm in the parking lot.

00:05:11Marc:And this is a testament to...

00:05:14Marc:fucking decent goddamn dude all right this guy is a a decent man all right i'm in this parking lot walking into the bank right here where i live and i hear this mark and i turn around and it's the dude it i know him because i saw him in the truck all crazy and mad and didn't know what he was going to do to me

00:05:37Marc:And I'm like, hey, what's going on?

00:05:38Marc:I'm like, is this going to be some Peckinpah shit?

00:05:41Marc:What's going to happen here?

00:05:42Marc:Is this some cowboy shit?

00:05:43Marc:Is this going down?

00:05:43Marc:Are we going to have a knife fight in the Bank of America parking lot?

00:05:47Marc:Is someone going to get shot?

00:05:49Marc:And I in these situations, even though I know that I'm not a fighter, even though I know that I may get my ass kicked, I will stand there and I will I will take it.

00:06:00Marc:I will walk up and man up to this shit and see what happens.

00:06:04Marc:Keep open mind, open heart.

00:06:06Marc:Where are we at with this?

00:06:08Marc:And I go, what's up, man?

00:06:09Marc:He goes, yeah, it's me.

00:06:10Marc:So and so.

00:06:10Marc:And I'm like, yeah, I know.

00:06:11Marc:I know.

00:06:12Marc:Yeah.

00:06:12Marc:How are you doing?

00:06:12Marc:He goes, look, I'm I just want to say that, you know, I'm sorry about chasing you down in my truck.

00:06:18Marc:Because that was fucked up, and I'm not that guy.

00:06:22Marc:I don't do that.

00:06:23Marc:It wasn't like me.

00:06:24Marc:You understand the situation.

00:06:26Marc:I'm like, hell yes, I understand the situation.

00:06:29Marc:In my mind, I'm thinking if I were in your shoes, I don't know what the hell I would have done.

00:06:33Marc:At the very least, you know, chase me down in my truck, you know, or, you know, set fire to my mailbox or maybe even hit it with a bat or key your car.

00:06:45Marc:But, you know, it could have been anything.

00:06:47Marc:So this guy's apologizing to me for being a dick because he says, look, I know we we know a few common people.

00:06:52Marc:I just don't want you to think that's who I am.

00:06:53Marc:And I'm like, you know what?

00:06:54Marc:I appreciate that.

00:06:55Marc:But God, yeah, I understand where you're coming from, given what you went through.

00:06:58Marc:And I hope things are working out or at least tolerable.

00:07:01Marc:I know you got a big situation on your hands.

00:07:02Marc:He's like, oh, yeah.

00:07:03Marc:And I'm like, all right, well, I appreciate it, man.

00:07:06Marc:Can you believe that?

00:07:08Marc:This dude apologizes to me for chasing me down the truck.

00:07:11Marc:That is some manly shit.

00:07:14Marc:I couldn't believe it.

00:07:16Marc:Wow.

00:07:17Marc:I'm not capable.

00:07:19Marc:I mean, maybe I am.

00:07:21Marc:Fuck it.

00:07:21Marc:Let's move on.

00:07:22Marc:A couple of things I want to push, if I could, since it's my show, is the fact that I will be in Seattle January 15th and 16th.

00:07:32Marc:I just wanted to put this out there now.

00:07:34Marc:It laughs in Seattle.

00:07:36Marc:Also, this weekend, which would be, if you're listening to this show on Thursday the 17th, tomorrow, Friday the 18th of December,

00:07:44Marc:We will be doing a live WTF at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater with Sarah Silverman, Paul F. Tompkins, and hopefully Jerry Minor.

00:07:52Marc:That is happening.

00:07:54Marc:If you'd like to get reservations to that, go to losangeles.ucbtheater.com, and that's theater spelled with a R-E at the end.

00:08:02Marc:Figure it out.

00:08:03Marc:Come on down.

00:08:04Marc:If there are still tickets left, you can do that.

00:08:07Marc:I don't know how many more times I'm going to fall for remember me emails.

00:08:11Marc:How much spam can I get that's Viagra oriented?

00:08:14Marc:And how come I still like I always think like there's an outside chance.

00:08:17Marc:It's like when it says, hey, Marc Maron, I'm like, hey, who could that be?

00:08:21Marc:Here's some pills for your pee pee.

00:08:23Marc:Or it's like, hey, hey, remember me?

00:08:26Marc:Wow.

00:08:27Marc:Remember who?

00:08:28Marc:How about some pills for your pee pee?

00:08:31Marc:Every time I fall for it, it's ridiculous.

00:08:33Marc:I mean, I know now the ones that are spam, but still every once in a while I find myself there and I don't order any pills.

00:08:43Marc:I wanted to tell you people that subscribed how much I appreciate it and how much I'm trying to.

00:08:48Marc:I'm almost done getting those T-shirts out.

00:08:50Marc:So if you haven't gotten your T-shirt yet, I'm on it.

00:08:53Marc:I'm on it.

00:08:54Marc:It's going to happen.

00:08:56Marc:For you people who want to do the $10 a month rolling subscription,

00:08:59Marc:You get a T-shirt, you get some stickers, you get a postcard that I'll sign to you, and you get the joy of knowing that you're helping me make a living without having to suck corporate dick or be screwed in the ass by corporate entities.

00:09:14Marc:I'm trying to deliver you the raw goods, the real deal.

00:09:18Marc:I'm laying it down like I see them without any filters.

00:09:22Marc:So fuck it, man.

00:09:24Marc:Help me out.

00:09:25Marc:That sounded desperate.

00:09:26Marc:Look, if you can, you know, donate and we'll use the money appropriately because I'd like nothing more than to do this for a living.

00:09:33Marc:But look, I got to be honest with you.

00:09:36Marc:I'm not bitter.

00:09:38Marc:I'm not bitter.

00:09:39Marc:I'm not even disappointed about where my career is or where you think it is.

00:09:44Marc:I am.

00:09:44Marc:I couldn't be more happy.

00:09:46Marc:About what is going on with this podcast.

00:09:48Marc:It's making me feel better.

00:09:50Marc:And I think in our lives, look, we all have expectations.

00:09:54Marc:You know, hell yeah, I wanted other things.

00:09:56Marc:Could I have done those things at the time I wanted them?

00:09:58Marc:I don't know.

00:09:59Marc:Were they were they out of my league or out of my wheelhouse?

00:10:03Marc:Some of them.

00:10:05Marc:Am I disappointed that some things didn't happen?

00:10:07Marc:I guess.

00:10:08Marc:I don't really think about it anymore.

00:10:10Marc:You know what I think about?

00:10:11Marc:Surviving and having some peace of mind, which means I've got to rewire my fucking brain a bit and not be all full of amplified self-pity or entitlement and just actually try to be a little grateful.

00:10:26Marc:It's Christmas season.

00:10:27Marc:Try a little gratitude.

00:10:29Marc:Give a homeless guy a chicken.

00:10:31Marc:Yeah, or give him a set of knives or give him something nice like a shaver.

00:10:38Marc:Donate some canned food to the canned food drive.

00:10:41Marc:And give him some good shit.

00:10:43Marc:Don't give him that stuff that you don't even know how it got in your cabinet.

00:10:45Marc:Like that recipe you didn't even use.

00:10:47Marc:Like, hey, here's some pumpkin pie filling.

00:10:51Marc:How about a little of that?

00:10:53Marc:Here are those, here's that cabbage, can of cabbage.

00:11:00Marc:that we didn't use in that recipe because we forgot it.

00:11:03Marc:How about some, here's a half a bag of pretzels.

00:11:08Marc:No, give them something nice.

00:11:09Marc:Do something nice for Christmas.

00:11:10Marc:I got to do something.

00:11:11Marc:I think I'm going to go see my brother and his kids because I don't feel like I know them, and I feel like I should at least introduce myself every few years to my nieces and nephews.

00:11:21Marc:That aside, my friends, that aside, great show today.

00:11:29Guest 2:check check check check yeah do more of that check two two three four five six seven eight you're a professional checker yes you know what you're doing on the mic my old days as a dj were you a dj no i used to be a dancer at one of those dj things you know like they would the dj would come to the bar mitzvah and bring two dancers with them together get the crowd going

00:11:59Marc:Wait, wait, wait, back up.

00:12:00Marc:Yeah.

00:12:01Guest 2:You were a dancer?

00:12:02Guest 2:Well, not a dancer.

00:12:03Guest 2:I was outgoing.

00:12:05Guest 2:So I would get everyone up dancing.

00:12:10Marc:My guest in the studio is in the garage, is Steve Renazzisi.

00:12:14Guest 2:Did I say it right?

00:12:15Marc:Yeah, absolutely.

00:12:16Marc:I always say it.

00:12:17Marc:I always wonder after I say it whether I've said it right, like when I bring you up on stage.

00:12:20Guest 2:Yeah, you don't know.

00:12:21Marc:Well, no, it's a mess of letters, first of all.

00:12:23Guest 2:There's Zs.

00:12:23Guest 2:There's two Zs, which is unique and difficult to pronounce.

00:12:28I guess it's...

00:12:28Marc:Not only difficult to pronounce, but I couldn't fucking spell it.

00:12:31Marc:I had to Google the... I mean, I wanted to make sure I get it right.

00:12:34Marc:But what we're... Steve is on the show The League, which is on FX, and apparently it's getting popular.

00:12:40Guest 2:It's getting very popular.

00:12:41Guest 2:Yeah, we have a pretty rabid fan base.

00:12:42Guest 2:Really?

00:12:43Guest 2:Yeah.

00:12:43Guest 2:I mean, out of everything I've done, which is not a lot, but...

00:12:46Guest 2:this seems to be the most response that I've gotten from people.

00:12:51Marc:We've had Nick Kroll on a couple times in different manifestations.

00:12:55Marc:Who else is on the show?

00:12:57Guest 2:Paul Scheer from Human Giant.

00:12:59Marc:Yeah, I know him.

00:12:59Guest 2:He's funny.

00:13:00Guest 2:John Lajoie.

00:13:01Guest 2:Don't know.

00:13:02Marc:Another difficult name.

00:13:03Guest 2:Montreal guy.

00:13:04Guest 2:And Mark Duplass, who is a writer-director, and he directed the movie Hump Day and Baghead.

00:13:10Marc:I interviewed Mark Duplass and Josh Leonard on another show.

00:13:14Guest 2:Oh, really?

00:13:14Marc:They're cool guys, right?

00:13:15Marc:He's a nice guy.

00:13:16Marc:Yeah.

00:13:17Marc:So before we get back into the history of how you started in show business, which apparently was as a dancer...

00:13:23Marc:Tell me about this.

00:13:24Marc:So the show is about a fantasy football league, right?

00:13:27Guest 2:Well, it's five guys that grew up in high school together and went to high school, and now they're in their 30s now.

00:13:32Guest 2:And the fantasy football league is a thing that kind of ties them together.

00:13:37Guest 2:But the show, it's sort of the glue, but it's not directly about fantasy football.

00:13:41Guest 2:If you're not a fan of fantasy football, you'll still get a lot of the jokes.

00:13:45Guest 2:Right.

00:13:45Marc:But it's a guys.

00:13:46Marc:It's a guys.

00:13:47Marc:It's a guys show.

00:13:48Guest 2:It's a guy's show, yeah.

00:13:49Guest 2:It's Bud Light and DirecTV, and it's a guy's show, and there's Judd Apatow humor, but it's smart.

00:13:55Guest 2:It's well-written.

00:13:57Marc:I've got to watch it.

00:13:58Guest 2:I'm sorry I haven't.

00:13:59Guest 2:I have a feeling that it's smart enough, the humor, that you'll enjoy it.

00:14:04Guest 2:I'm not an intellectual snob.

00:14:06Guest 2:I know you're not an elitist, but I'm just saying that...

00:14:09Guest 2:There are—we're allowed one fart joke a week.

00:14:13Guest 2:That's what I'm saying.

00:14:14Marc:Is that on a board somewhere in the back?

00:14:15Marc:No.

00:14:16Guest 2:Where it says one fart joke only.

00:14:17Guest 2:How much— Do you know we're not allowed to say—we could say cock, and we can't say cocksucker.

00:14:22Guest 2:We could say pussy, but we can't say retard.

00:14:24Guest 2:I know.

00:14:25Guest 2:Bobby Lee was on the show this week, and he played a retarded Chinese guy.

00:14:29Guest 2:And Kroll had to come up with a different—so he called him a frittata.

00:14:33Guest 2:He just said frittata.

00:14:33Guest 2:A Chinese frittata, yeah.

00:14:35Yeah.

00:14:35Marc:I love the word retard.

00:14:36Marc:I fight for it on stage.

00:14:37Marc:I've defended the word retard.

00:14:39Guest 2:But why?

00:14:40Guest 2:I mean, not saying why, but why not retard?

00:14:42Guest 2:Like, what is the problem?

00:14:43Guest 2:Because it hurts retard's feelings.

00:14:46Marc:Now, I'm going to get in trouble for this.

00:14:47Marc:I've had this conversation over and over again.

00:14:49Marc:Okay.

00:14:49Marc:No, I mean, not really.

00:14:50Marc:I mean, only in the sense that I'll get emails because here's...

00:14:54Marc:how it's been addressed to me.

00:14:55Marc:Retarded is derogatory.

00:14:58Marc:Okay.

00:14:58Marc:And the fact is that they're not called retarded anymore.

00:15:02Marc:They were called retarded at one point.

00:15:03Marc:Now it's special needs, right?

00:15:04Marc:Special needs, developmentally disabled, intellectually challenged.

00:15:08Marc:I mean, there's a lot of things I've heard.

00:15:09Marc:I don't know what, I haven't gotten the breaking press on what is appropriate to call people, but retarded isn't one of them.

00:15:17Guest 2:But it's the simplest.

00:15:18Marc:It's simple and it's something, it's a word we grew up with.

00:15:21Marc:But I think it really, I think what I learned was, like I got a letter from some developmentally disabled parents.

00:15:28Marc:Okay.

00:15:29Marc:And they'd grown, this kid was an adult.

00:15:32Marc:And I guess it's just, it's hurtful because what it really means culturally is like retarded, when you call somebody retarded, is that you're actually calling them this, it's derogatory for a fairly horrible thing.

00:15:47Guest 2:Yeah.

00:15:48Guest 2:Yeah.

00:15:48Guest 2:Something that was probably not controlled by the parents or anything like that.

00:15:52Marc:And it just is become it just means stupid.

00:15:54Marc:Yeah.

00:15:54Marc:So what I guess what they're fighting for is that, you know, these people are people and they have these special needs.

00:16:01Marc:And some of them have their, you know, their own gifts and their own talents and this and the other thing.

00:16:05Marc:And the word retard just makes them all just stupid.

00:16:09Guest 2:Yeah.

00:16:10Guest 2:It lumps them all together as a stupid... But it's such a great word.

00:16:15Guest 2:It is.

00:16:15Guest 2:And I love saying it.

00:16:17Guest 2:And it ends in a consonant, which is always funny.

00:16:20Guest 2:Is that on the board?

00:16:21Guest 2:No saying retard?

00:16:23Guest 2:No.

00:16:24Guest 2:We said retard, and then they were like, wait, we can't.

00:16:27Guest 2:Can I call him a dumb cock?

00:16:29Guest 2:Yeah, dumb cock would be fine.

00:16:31Guest 2:Chinese dumb cock.

00:16:33Guest 2:And Bobby would have no problem with that.

00:16:35Guest 2:Bobby would be flattered by it.

00:16:36Guest 2:You call me dumb cock?

00:16:37Guest 2:Yeah.

00:16:37Guest 2:You know, he extra retarded it too.

00:16:39Guest 2:Oh, he did?

00:16:40Guest 2:Bit his tongue.

00:16:41Guest 2:Oh, really?

00:16:41Guest 2:Was he good?

00:16:42Guest 2:It was like perfect for Bobby because you know how he doesn't like to mention when he's on stage that he's Korean.

00:16:47Guest 2:Yeah.

00:16:48Guest 2:Yeah.

00:16:48Guest 2:So he extraed up the Korean, extraed up the retard.

00:16:53Guest 2:It was right up his wheelhouse.

00:16:54Marc:And did he do... He was funny?

00:16:55Marc:He was very funny, yeah.

00:16:56Marc:Oh, I got to watch that one.

00:16:58Marc:So now, my problem is that I wouldn't intellectually condescend to the show out of...

00:17:02Marc:Because I would think it's stupid.

00:17:03Marc:I just am not a sports guy in any real way.

00:17:06Guest 2:Well, it doesn't matter because the show, as it's gone on, we've only done six episodes, so I can't wait to see what happens later on.

00:17:15Guest 2:But we put ourselves in situations that are...

00:17:21Guest 2:funny situations that have nothing to do with football whatsoever how much of it is improvised because i was told i guess i was talking to crow or somebody that you do a sort of pseudo improvisation it's i would say i would put it at 80 but there's an outline there's never any direct lines there's no script you say this now you say that i mean there are some suggestions in the outline of like hey if you want to mention this or that there's basically point a a starting point and the end point point b and however you get there is kind of up to you

00:17:48Marc:So that seems to be the way a lot of TV shows are going.

00:17:50Marc:I mean, I like working like that.

00:17:52Marc:I mean, when I had Kroll in here or when I'm in a... It's exciting, but you've really got to sort of lock in.

00:17:57Marc:I mean, do you find yourself locked into a character or are you just acting like Steve?

00:18:01Guest 2:Well, I think it's a blend.

00:18:02Guest 2:It's a hybrid of the two.

00:18:03Guest 2:The character is very similar to who I am.

00:18:05Guest 2:He's married.

00:18:06Guest 2:He's got a baby.

00:18:06Guest 2:He's trying to act responsible, but he really has no idea.

00:18:09Marc:What do you mean kind of like you are?

00:18:11Marc:I mean, that...

00:18:12Guest 2:that's yeah well it's it's very close to who i am i i otherwise it's not acting and then i oh so you're just saying yeah i gotta put it on my resume mark you know what i'm saying otherwise it's not i i can't just you know i'm not a kardashian you know what i'm saying they're not just following me around with a camera but they could they really could in essence they could well you seem to be on a fairly good trajectory i don't even know where the fuck you came from i came from new york

00:18:33Guest 2:I came from New York.

00:18:34Marc:I mean, I've been doing comedy and somehow or another, I've been doing a comedy a long time, but maybe I missed a year because I got out here and there you are.

00:18:41Marc:Steve Ernest, he's great.

00:18:42Marc:And I'm like, he is funny.

00:18:43Marc:Where the fuck did he come from?

00:18:44Guest 2:Yeah, well, you went away for a while.

00:18:46Guest 2:I know, but I was in New York.

00:18:47Guest 2:I kind of look at you like you were the captain in a mafia and then you got pinched and went away for six or seven years and then you came back and now it's like, hey, I don't shine shoes anymore, Mark, you know?

00:18:57Guest 2:And you're like, who the fuck is this?

00:18:58Guest 2:And I'm like, look, here's a deal.

00:19:00Guest 2:All right?

00:19:00Guest 2:I'm not up to your status yet, but I'm going to be there soon, so watch your fucking back.

00:19:04Marc:What, my status?

00:19:05Marc:You want to get your own garage?

00:19:07Marc:Get your own set of mics?

00:19:08Guest 2:Yeah, I have a condo in Sherman Oaks, and one day I'll have my own goddamn garage.

00:19:11Marc:That's right.

00:19:12Marc:You can put mics in your garage.

00:19:13Guest 2:I can put mics and expensive equipment that will surely be ripped off.

00:19:17Guest 2:I looked at this neighborhood when I pulled up.

00:19:19Marc:Yeah.

00:19:19Marc:Which way did you come?

00:19:21Marc:Up York?

00:19:22Marc:If you come up York, it's scary.

00:19:23Marc:Up York, yeah.

00:19:23Guest 2:Look at the barrio down.

00:19:25Guest 2:Yeah.

00:19:26Marc:We just got to know.

00:19:27Marc:I got an alarm.

00:19:28Guest 2:Just give the exact address right now.

00:19:30Guest 2:That way someone will just get it over with.

00:19:33Marc:I'm at 1-8.

00:19:33Marc:No, it was robbed once.

00:19:34Marc:Was it really?

00:19:35Marc:Yeah, and we put an alarm in.

00:19:37Marc:That'll help.

00:19:38Marc:All that does is give the guy a little more sense of urgency.

00:19:41Marc:Like, he's like, okay, I've got 15, 20 minutes to be annoyed by this noise before the cops show up.

00:19:46Marc:Yeah.

00:19:47Marc:If they show up.

00:19:48Guest 2:My car got robbed the other day.

00:19:49Guest 2:I got knocked at the window.

00:19:51Marc:That used to happen in New York every other week.

00:19:53Marc:When I lived in New York, they'd break in.

00:19:55Marc:Like, Louie used to do a joke about it.

00:19:56Marc:It's like they broke in just because they could.

00:19:58Marc:Because there was nothing in it.

00:19:59Guest 2:They're like, fuck you.

00:20:00Guest 2:I got my car broken in Brooklyn, and it was two days after my birthday, and I have that aunt that gives me the worst presents ever.

00:20:07Guest 2:My birthday's July 4th, so she gave me turtlenecks for the winter and stuff like that.

00:20:11Guest 2:Nobody was wearing turtlenecks.

00:20:12Guest 2:The guys went through my car, stole my radio, but left the bag with the brand new clothes, with the receipt.

00:20:17Guest 2:They either had so much respect...

00:20:19Guest 2:For the lack of fashion.

00:20:23Marc:Right.

00:20:24Guest 2:They just were like, we can't.

00:20:25Guest 2:I won't even return these clothes to try to get cash back for it.

00:20:27Marc:Or maybe they were just sort of like, these are presents.

00:20:29Marc:Yeah, come on.

00:20:30Guest 2:I didn't take the guy's presents.

00:20:31Guest 2:Some frittata probably bought these for these.

00:20:34Guest 2:This guy's probably a frittata.

00:20:36Guest 2:And he needs his turtlenecks.

00:20:39Guest 2:The guy's had a tough enough life as it is.

00:20:40Guest 2:So let's go back.

00:20:41Guest 2:So you started as a bar mitzvah dancer.

00:20:43Guest 2:It was a high school job.

00:20:45Guest 2:Yeah, it was, like, one of those things, like... But I'm not clear what the job is.

00:20:48Guest 2:Okay, all right.

00:20:49Guest 2:So, on Long Island, where I grew up, they had... Which town?

00:20:52Guest 2:Smithtown.

00:20:53Guest 2:Not a Jewish town.

00:20:54Guest 2:Not a... Well, there were Jews, but there wasn't, like, a... Wasn't a five town.

00:20:58Guest 1:Yeah, yeah.

00:20:58Guest 2:Yeah, something like that.

00:21:00Guest 2:So, I grew up, and then I would go to, like, these...

00:21:03Guest 2:You know, the bar mitzvahs and sweet 16s, they were all very popular.

00:21:06Guest 2:And then I got a job with this DJ friend of mine and I would go and kind of like he would do the DJing stuff and I would grab the mic like an MC kind of thing.

00:21:15Guest 2:And like, all right, everyone up.

00:21:17Guest 2:Let's go.

00:21:17Guest 2:Let's dance.

00:21:18Guest 2:You're clapping your hands.

00:21:19Guest 2:Grab the old lady.

00:21:20Guest 2:You know, you start with the old people first, and then, you know, you work your way younger.

00:21:23Guest 2:Would you say that's your first job in show business?

00:21:25Guest 2:That was my first, yeah.

00:21:27Guest 2:Were you getting laughs?

00:21:28Guest 2:I didn't really try to get laughs.

00:21:30Guest 2:I was getting laughs.

00:21:31Guest 2:I think people were laughing at me.

00:21:32Guest 2:Right.

00:21:32Guest 2:And not really with me.

00:21:33Guest 2:But, yeah, it was fine.

00:21:35Guest 2:It was fun.

00:21:35Guest 2:It paid a decent amount.

00:21:36Guest 2:It was like 15 bucks an hour.

00:21:37Guest 2:So you were like the party starter.

00:21:39Guest 2:Yeah, the party starter.

00:21:40Guest 2:Oh, my God.

00:21:41Guest 2:That's the party starter.

00:21:42Marc:I think you should call your first CD that.

00:21:44Guest 2:Yeah, Steve, the party starter run is easy.

00:21:47Guest 2:Yeah.

00:21:47Guest 2:Put that on a t-shirt.

00:21:48Guest 2:Put that on your resume.

00:21:49Guest 2:Oh, my God.

00:21:50Guest 2:No, actually, isn't Darren Carter the party starter?

00:21:53Guest 2:Oh, I don't know.

00:21:54Guest 2:Darren Carter the party starter.

00:21:55Guest 2:There's already a guy.

00:21:56Guest 2:There is a party starter already.

00:21:58Guest 2:He's a red-haired guy, right?

00:21:58Guest 2:Yeah, red-haired guy.

00:21:59Guest 2:That's what he calls himself?

00:22:00Guest 2:Darren Carter the party starter.

00:22:01Guest 2:Now, I don't know if he refers to himself as that.

00:22:03Guest 2:He might, but I know that's what people call him.

00:22:06Marc:But didn't you enter another profession and then come around to comedy?

00:22:09Guest 2:Yeah.

00:22:10Guest 2:Well, I went to college for drama, and then I graduated.

00:22:13Marc:You did?

00:22:14Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:22:14Marc:You studied drama?

00:22:15Guest 2:Studied drama four years.

00:22:16Guest 2:Really?

00:22:17Marc:What college?

00:22:17Marc:SUNY Oneonta.

00:22:18Marc:Really?

00:22:19Marc:Yeah.

00:22:20Marc:For some reason, I created a backstory for you.

00:22:23Guest 2:I want to hear it.

00:22:25Marc:Because I don't really know you.

00:22:26Guest 2:It's funny how you ask me a question, I answer it, and you're like, really?

00:22:28Guest 2:Yeah.

00:22:29Guest 2:Like you just want the answer that you have in your mind already.

00:22:33Marc:Here's my vision of this.

00:22:36Marc:You have to understand most of my visions are built out of resentment initially.

00:22:40Marc:I construct a personality for somebody.

00:22:42Marc:I'm like, in my mind, it's like he was like.

00:22:44Marc:Spielberg's kid, right?

00:22:45Marc:Yeah.

00:22:46Marc:No, no, no, no.

00:22:47Marc:I didn't go that way.

00:22:47Marc:I went the other way.

00:22:48Marc:It's like he was probably the funny guy at the office.

00:22:51Marc:Yeah.

00:22:51Marc:And, you know, he won a contest and now he's on a TV show.

00:22:55Marc:Yeah.

00:22:55Guest 2:That's resentment right there.

00:22:57Marc:No, but I'm over it.

00:22:58Guest 2:Yeah, no, it's fine.

00:22:59Guest 2:We're here to learn about you.

00:23:00Guest 2:I was the funny guy in an office at one point.

00:23:02Marc:But you did go to school for theater.

00:23:03Marc:I did go to school for theater.

00:23:04Marc:Which means at some point in time, you had to be backstage wearing an outfit you didn't really want to be in, doing a show you didn't want to do, hanging around with gay people and sexually confused people.

00:23:13Marc:Very sexually confused.

00:23:14Marc:And you probably sang.

00:23:16Marc:I did sang.

00:23:16Guest 2:I did Damn Yankees and Pippin and Guys and Dolls.

00:23:20Marc:Now I understand you better, and I feel better about you.

00:23:23Guest 2:But the thing is, though, I enjoy doing it.

00:23:25Guest 2:I didn't resent it at all.

00:23:27Marc:Well, I just pictured you sort of like a guy, guy, like sports.

00:23:30Guest 2:I played sports in high school, but I enjoyed doing that, too.

00:23:34Guest 2:Like, I would do both things.

00:23:35Guest 2:I was the kind of guy that can, like...

00:23:36Guest 2:blend in with any group i would smoke cigarettes so i was cool a lot of us did that i think comics yeah you still played sports but then you know it was kind of all over the place but didn't your sports friends say uh well you're a fag what was your singing thing yeah they were they would rip me a little bit but i was good so oh yeah yeah i was good so it was kind of like you know they were like oh this guy's you know it's like watching a movie yeah they had to respect you yeah they had they had you know it wasn't like i was you're a real song and dance man yeah i wasn't a frittata up there you know

00:24:05Marc:You don't want to be a frittata when you hang out with jocks.

00:24:08Guest 2:Not at all.

00:24:09Marc:So then you leave college.

00:24:10Marc:So then I graduated college.

00:24:12Marc:And your parents just convince you that there's no future.

00:24:14Guest 2:Yep, get a safe job.

00:24:16Guest 2:And then I worked in Merrill Lynch for a year and a half.

00:24:20Marc:As an accountant or a broker?

00:24:22Guest 2:No, I was an account manager, which basically meant I was the liaison between the brokers and the clients.

00:24:26Guest 2:I would take people out to lunch, take people out to dinner.

00:24:29Guest 2:Party starter.

00:24:30Guest 2:Sort of the party starter of Merrill Lynch, yeah.

00:24:33Guest 2:Until our building got hit with a plane.

00:24:36Guest 2:Oh, Christ.

00:24:38Guest 2:Yeah.

00:24:39Guest 2:The party ended right there.

00:24:40Guest 2:Yeah, that's where the party... I worked on the 54th floor of the second tower.

00:24:44Marc:Get the fuck out of here.

00:24:45Marc:Yeah.

00:24:46Marc:Did you evacuate that day?

00:24:47Guest 2:Yeah, I was there, and then the first tower got hit, and we were jostled all over the place.

00:24:52Guest 2:And then the port authority came on the loudspeaker, and they were like, hey...

00:24:57Guest 2:explosion in tower one um things are being taken care of everyone remain where you are stay calm we're figuring things out and uh i was like well i'm gonna go check this thing out so i went downstairs walked outside uh saw all the pandemonium and then about five or six minutes later and then it just bang

00:25:17Guest 2:While you were standing right there?

00:25:18Guest 2:Well, it was like underneath that giant overpass that was overhang.

00:25:21Marc:Oh, my fuck.

00:25:23Marc:And all your coworkers were upstairs?

00:25:24Guest 2:Yeah, but I don't know.

00:25:26Guest 2:I couldn't tell exactly where it went in, so I had no idea.

00:25:29Guest 2:Right.

00:25:30Guest 2:So I called up to the office, and it was pandemonium.

00:25:33Guest 2:Like, we're on our way down.

00:25:34Guest 2:We're on our way down.

00:25:35Guest 2:And then I just started fucking booking it.

00:25:37Marc:Oh, my God.

00:25:38Guest 2:And I got to about West Broadway when I stopped and caught my breath.

00:25:42Guest 2:And then they watched the second tower fall.

00:25:45Guest 2:Our tower fell first.

00:25:47Guest 2:It did?

00:25:47Guest 2:Yeah, yeah.

00:25:48Guest 2:The second one that got hit was the first one to fall.

00:25:51Guest 2:Because the impact was lower, so there was more weight on top, I think, is the way it was described to me.

00:25:58Marc:Yeah, well, there's a lot of people that listen to my podcast who would say... That the government did it.

00:26:01Marc:Yeah, you want to know the real truth.

00:26:03Marc:Yeah, yeah, I can imagine.

00:26:04Marc:Yeah, the government did it.

00:26:05Marc:But you were there, and you saw all that.

00:26:07Guest 2:We had no idea.

00:26:08Guest 2:Literally, as far as that's concerned, I had no idea what was going on until...

00:26:14Guest 2:three hours into it.

00:26:16Guest 2:I just thought it was two drunk idiots.

00:26:18Guest 2:I didn't, couldn't tell the size of the planes or anything like that.

00:26:21Marc:I just was like, really, it was two drunk idiots.

00:26:23Marc:Like they were up there.

00:26:25Guest 2:The second time I was like, well, I, something's going on here, but I, like, it did not dawn on me that he must've been in fucking shock.

00:26:32Marc:I mean, for fuck's sake.

00:26:33Guest 2:I mean, walking across the Brooklyn bridge, like it was literally a hundred thousand people.

00:26:38Guest 2:Oh, this is the best before that.

00:26:39Guest 2:I have a cab pulls up and,

00:26:41Guest 2:I'm like, all right, I'm out.

00:26:42Guest 2:Let's go.

00:26:43Guest 2:He's like, $500 to Brooklyn.

00:26:45Guest 2:And I was like, what?

00:26:46Guest 2:And he was like, yeah, I can only make one trip out.

00:26:48Guest 2:They're shutting the island down.

00:26:50Guest 2:And these two brokers got in and jumped in the car and took off.

00:26:52Guest 2:You paid it?

00:26:53Guest 2:I didn't pay it.

00:26:53Guest 2:I was like, what?

00:26:54Marc:$500?

00:26:55Guest 2:I'm an accounts manager.

00:26:56Marc:I'm a party starter.

00:26:57Guest 2:I'm the party starter.

00:26:59Guest 2:You guys pay.

00:26:59Guest 2:I'll sit in the front seat and tell some jokes.

00:27:02Yeah.

00:27:02Marc:But yeah, I was like, even in times of strife, it's still just... How much did it fuck you up?

00:27:08Marc:I mean, mentally, because my ex-wife was down there.

00:27:11Marc:She worked close by.

00:27:12Marc:Yeah.

00:27:13Marc:And she was traumatized.

00:27:15Marc:I mean, outside being married to me.

00:27:16Guest 2:I still had dreams of like, you know, those falling dreams.

00:27:19Guest 2:My wife, who was my girlfriend at the time,

00:27:22Guest 2:Worked in the 24th floor.

00:27:23Guest 2:And I didn't know where she was for like seven hours, six hours.

00:27:26Guest 2:No way.

00:27:27Guest 2:And what happened was I got walked home and then got to my apartment, caught my breath, you know, watch the news.

00:27:32Guest 2:And then about an hour goes by two hours.

00:27:35Guest 2:No, her.

00:27:36Guest 2:And I'm like, oh, I know I have to call her parents and tell her she's dead.

00:27:39Guest 2:And she comes walking to the door.

00:27:41Guest 2:What happened was she was on the subway in.

00:27:43Guest 2:And she was underneath the water.

00:27:46Guest 2:So because the trade center was the first stop in Manhattan, they had to back out all the subways.

00:27:52Guest 2:So she hadn't even gotten to work yet.

00:27:54Guest 2:She was stuck in the subway.

00:27:55Guest 1:Thank God.

00:27:56Guest 2:They didn't even know what was going on for hours and hours and hours.

00:27:59Guest 2:And they had to back out every subway.

00:28:01Guest 2:So it took forever.

00:28:03Guest 2:We went up to the roof of our building.

00:28:04Guest 2:We smoked a joint and then decided we were going to leave.

00:28:07Marc:I'm like, let's go do- Looking at a smoking lower Manhattan.

00:28:10Guest 2:There were pieces of paper by my apartment in Brooklyn that had like Cantor Fitzgerald fucking- I was on the roof of my apartment in Queens.

00:28:20Guest 2:Were you really?

00:28:20Guest 2:Yeah.

00:28:21Guest 2:And you could see everything, right?

00:28:22Marc:Yeah.

00:28:22Marc:Well, I mean, what I remember about that day more than anything else is it was fucking clear and crisp.

00:28:27Marc:It was a beautiful day.

00:28:28Marc:Unbelievable.

00:28:29Marc:Not a sound.

00:28:30Marc:no they shut everything down there was not a fucking sound yep and it was horrible because the woman who lived upstairs from me uh she was killed and you know i it was just it was awkward and horrifying you know because like that day i didn't know what was going on then as news can't start coming and when i literally turned my computer on the first tower had already fallen and

00:28:53Marc:And I was like, what is this, a joke?

00:28:55Marc:I mean, I couldn't even process it.

00:28:56Marc:Really?

00:28:57Marc:Yeah, and then I went upstairs and you just saw just this smoke.

00:29:00Marc:And then I watched the second tower go down on TV.

00:29:04Marc:And then my ceiling started leaking.

00:29:07Marc:So I went upstairs and I'm like, what's going on?

00:29:10Marc:I mean, can you fix your fucking... And then they were all sort of like,

00:29:13Marc:waiting to hear about their mother.

00:29:14Marc:Oh, my God.

00:29:15Marc:I'm so sorry to hear about this.

00:29:17Marc:It's all right.

00:29:19Marc:It's okay.

00:29:19Guest 2:No, but you still got to get this.

00:29:20Guest 2:You don't want to.

00:29:21Guest 2:I mean, that's damage.

00:29:22Guest 2:Water damage in this mold.

00:29:24Guest 2:And now who dies?

00:29:25Marc:Yeah, exactly.

00:29:25Guest 2:You 20 years later.

00:29:26Guest 2:Can we think about the future a little bit?

00:29:28Yeah.

00:29:28Marc:So literally, you're smoking a joint on your apartment, looking at the smoldering pit that was the World Trade Center, and you're like, we got to go.

00:29:35Guest 2:I'm like, this is just, you know, it's like, I played on a, they had this urban professional basketball league thing, and six guys out of the 10 on my team died.

00:29:46Guest 2:Five of them were canter guys.

00:29:49Guest 2:They had no shot.

00:29:50Guest 2:I mean, they were at the floors of Impact.

00:29:53Guest 2:It was just horrible.

00:29:55Marc:It's just awful.

00:29:55Marc:So was this also the moment you decided to do comedy, or had you already been doing it?

00:30:00Guest 2:I had been doing stand-up at this club.

00:30:02Guest 2:I'm sure you know it.

00:30:03Guest 2:New York Comedy Club.

00:30:04Marc:Oh, Al Martin.

00:30:05Marc:Yeah, that's a classy joint.

00:30:06Guest 2:And Steve Aarons, that guy over there, this giant...

00:30:09Marc:creepy gay guy bear gay guy yeah who would call me three in the morning to write material and let me just preface to my fans not all gay people are creepy that was not derogatory or bears towards gay people but but Steve's a little creepy yeah he looks he's got those eyes like huh yeah he's a yeah he's a stream he would be creepy if he wasn't gay

00:30:26Guest 2:Yeah, he would just be a weird guy.

00:30:28Guest 2:But yeah, that's where I did the majority of my stand.

00:30:31Guest 2:And then once in a while I went to Boston Comedy Club.

00:30:33Marc:When that was still open.

00:30:34Marc:Well, that's interesting because that's probably why I never came across you because at some point I said, I don't have to go to New York Comedy Club.

00:30:41Guest 2:yeah no i get i that was the only place that would let me in so i was like i have to go to new york comedy i mean it's not horrible but it's just like the mic's always broken the place is always a fucking zoo yeah and then they built that one room that was the size of a closet it is every both times i played there i almost got in fistfights and i'm not a fistfighting person and it's not it's not like you can even have anything to separate you if you get into a fistfight in the closet you're probably going to end up either hitting someone or getting hit

00:31:02Marc:Yeah.

00:31:03Marc:With something.

00:31:04Marc:Yeah.

00:31:04Marc:In your own hand.

00:31:05Marc:Yeah.

00:31:05Marc:Because literally the depth of the room was two rows.

00:31:08Guest 2:Yep.

00:31:08Marc:And then it just spread out.

00:31:09Guest 2:And it was like a train.

00:31:10Guest 2:Yeah.

00:31:11Guest 2:Ridiculous.

00:31:11Guest 2:Yep.

00:31:12Marc:But you've you've got.

00:31:13Guest 2:I'd like to thank them for letting me go on stage.

00:31:15Marc:Yeah.

00:31:16Marc:Thank you so much.

00:31:16Marc:I have a lot of a lot of people listening to this.

00:31:19Marc:He might even listen to it.

00:31:20Marc:And now I feel bad for calling him creepy, but he knows he's creepy.

00:31:22Marc:yeah at some level he has to be introspective about that and now like you're the it's funny because we seem to follow each other a lot at the comedy store yeah and i give the the version of marriage that is completely bitter and horrible and then you come up and give this sort of more uh less bitter less horrible still married version yeah you do the hbo version and i'm more the everybody loves raymond version right like you know with jerking off yeah you're like i don't know how this thing's gonna end

00:31:49Guest 2:I may not even make it.

00:31:50Guest 2:And then I'm like, look, I hate her.

00:31:53Guest 2:She hates me.

00:31:54Guest 2:But at some point, we'll get through this.

00:31:56Marc:Yeah, exactly.

00:31:56Guest 2:And now you've got a kid in the mix.

00:31:57Marc:How old is the kid now?

00:31:58Guest 2:He's 11 months.

00:32:00Guest 2:Today, actually.

00:32:01Marc:See, I've talked about this to some people.

00:32:05Marc:I never ever hear myself say to myself, I wish I had a kid.

00:32:09Guest 2:I wish I had a kid, yeah.

00:32:10Guest 2:Did you want one?

00:32:12Guest 2:Yeah, I've always wanted.

00:32:14Guest 2:No, I can't say I've always wanted one.

00:32:16Guest 2:She's not listening.

00:32:17Guest 2:No, she'll never listen to it.

00:32:19Guest 2:uh she uh i i've known she's always wanted one i've never been opposed to having one that's a good if we never if we never had one i don't know what would have happened but i'm i'm happy that we did you got siblings with kids no my brother's a roman catholic priest he just got ordained and uh some family yeah and my sister just got engaged last week so she's younger yeah she's two years younger than i am a roman catholic priest my brother's a roman cat and a lawyer is that material steve

00:32:46Guest 2:it's it's in there you know what it is i'll say i'll tell you this um i feel my brother is the best person i know yeah overall so i i feel bad if i make jokes about it but there are jokes there but i can do that on i can make them about myself right can't you do it in the jokes being based in your relationship yes and how you feel about yourself yes

00:33:10Marc:And you haven't done that yet?

00:33:11Guest 2:I try here and there, yeah.

00:33:14Guest 2:I have to come to grips with it myself.

00:33:15Guest 2:He just became ordained, so it's sort of like the nature of our relationship has changed.

00:33:19Guest 2:It has?

00:33:20Guest 2:Yeah.

00:33:20Guest 2:Now, does he cross you when you're done talking?

00:33:23Guest 2:No, no, but I have Skyped with him and asked to do confession.

00:33:27Guest 2:No, you have not.

00:33:28Guest 2:Yeah, but not because I'm religious.

00:33:29Guest 2:I just want to see if he'll do it.

00:33:31Guest 2:Of course he'll do it.

00:33:32Guest 2:Yeah, it doesn't work like that.

00:33:33Marc:No?

00:33:34Guest 2:No, I think he said he wants to see you face-to-face.

00:33:36Guest 2:But he said he'd take your confession.

00:33:38Guest 2:He said, look, if you want to give me a confession, I'll take a confession.

00:33:41Guest 2:It's not a big deal.

00:33:42Marc:So you've got to go in the booth with your brother and then maybe say something like, I hated my brother for so many years.

00:33:46Guest 2:I could do that.

00:33:47Guest 2:Or I could talk about, you know, hookers or, you know.

00:33:50Marc:Right.

00:33:51Marc:Now he's older?

00:33:52Guest 2:No, he's younger than I. He's younger than you.

00:33:54Marc:He's 25, yeah.

00:33:54Marc:Did you used to beat up on him?

00:33:55Guest 2:Yeah, we were a regular brother, brother.

00:33:57Guest 2:But now you're not anymore.

00:33:58Guest 2:He's a priest.

00:33:59Guest 2:Yeah, now it's different.

00:34:00Marc:Now what happens?

00:34:01Guest 2:That's what I'm saying.

00:34:02Guest 2:I have to wrap my head around the nature of our relationship now.

00:34:04Guest 2:The dynamics changed.

00:34:05Marc:You have to go confess to your brother.

00:34:07Guest 2:Yeah, I do.

00:34:08Marc:Does he have a diocese or a church or whatever you call it?

00:34:11Guest 2:Right now he's living in the Vatican.

00:34:12Guest 2:He's been there.

00:34:13Guest 2:He's living in the Vatican.

00:34:14Guest 2:He studied for five years in the Vatican.

00:34:17Guest 2:And now next June he'll be coming home to get his own diocese.

00:34:20Guest 2:Well, not diocese, his own parish in Rockville Center.

00:34:23Marc:So by being ordained, does everyone have to go through that?

00:34:25Guest 2:No, that's like basically they're grooming him to run the joint.

00:34:30Marc:Oh, yeah?

00:34:30Guest 2:Yeah.

00:34:31Guest 2:That's big business, Catholic Church.

00:34:32Guest 2:They need a new business model.

00:34:34Guest 2:And he's very as progressive as the Catholic Church can get.

00:34:38Guest 2:Which means what?

00:34:39Guest 2:Which means... Look, some people are going to use rubbers.

00:34:43Guest 2:No, I think it's...

00:34:46Guest 2:I don't know.

00:34:46Guest 2:I mean, I've had talks with him.

00:34:48Guest 2:I've had talks.

00:34:49Guest 2:No, no, no.

00:34:49Guest 2:I'm just trying to.

00:34:50Guest 2:I've had talks with him about there's still the, you know, the pro-life situation is 1,000 cemented.

00:34:59Guest 2:And, you know, cheating on your wife is still frowned upon.

00:35:03Guest 2:Of course.

00:35:04Marc:No religion is going to say, it's fine to fuck everybody.

00:35:07Marc:It's not coming.

00:35:07Marc:It's coming.

00:35:08Marc:No, that's one thing they're designed to keep in check is people's personal moral lapsing.

00:35:13Guest 2:Okay.

00:35:14Marc:I mean, like, if no one had any shame about that, we'd have chaos.

00:35:17Guest 2:Yeah.

00:35:17Marc:But then some people would argue with me.

00:35:19Marc:Wouldn't we have freedom?

00:35:20Marc:I guess.

00:35:20Marc:Yeah, we would have freedom and choices.

00:35:22Marc:Well, the idea about that is, is, like, tell that to your girlfriend or wife.

00:35:26Marc:yeah this is the new way baby i mean we can i know you can go do it too fuck you i know yeah but um what would you care if your ex-wife when you guys were together had sex with someone else if you can have sex with other people well i had this i had this joke where i said that i i um i don't know if you ever heard me do it that i i actually was a jealous person and then i cured my jealousy with mathematics because i figured that me and my wife had had sex like probably a thousand two thousand times okay and all so if she went and fucked somebody once i'm still winning

00:35:55Guest 2:Yeah.

00:35:56Guest 2:But I think that and plus on top of that, out of the thousand or the 2000, let's say 2000, probably 10 of them were rocking her world.

00:36:04Guest 2:So the chances of this guy going one for one and rocking her world.

00:36:09Marc:But then you have this sort of like complete stranger factor, which could add to the rockage.

00:36:13Guest 2:That's true, yeah.

00:36:14Guest 2:So he has an advantage in that aspect.

00:36:16Marc:In that, like, you know, he's got one shot at this.

00:36:19Marc:Yeah.

00:36:19Marc:Well, she ended up with the guy I think she was fucking before, you know, she left me.

00:36:23Marc:But I don't have any verification.

00:36:25Marc:I don't want any lawsuits.

00:36:26Marc:But the question was, would I mind if... Would an open relationship work?

00:36:32Guest 2:Would it have worked for you?

00:36:33Guest 2:Not a fucking chance.

00:36:34Guest 2:No.

00:36:34Guest 2:You?

00:36:37Guest 2:You know, I'll say this.

00:36:38Guest 2:I'll say yes because of this and because I know she'll never do it.

00:36:43Guest 2:I swear to God, I know she'll never do it.

00:36:46Guest 2:Because my wife is not the kind of person.

00:36:48Guest 2:How is she not going to resent you?

00:36:50Guest 2:I can tell you this right now.

00:36:51Guest 2:I could go out, and I'm not kidding you, Mark.

00:36:52Guest 2:I could go out, meet a girl that's semi-attractive, have sex with her, and literally snap her neck and bury her in the desert and never think twice about it.

00:37:00Guest 2:Go to sleep like a baby.

00:37:01Guest 2:You could?

00:37:02Guest 2:I could do that.

00:37:02Guest 2:Are you sure you want to say that on tape?

00:37:04Guest 2:i'm not saying i've done anything like that before i'm just saying i know that i have that kind of i there's no connection with me whatsoever but you just i could have sex with a girl and never think about her ever again okay i understand that part but the part about snapping her neck and burying her in desert i was trying to just give i was trying to go to the extreme of like how serious i am about the non-connection yeah but on one level you're just a guy the next level you're a murdering sociopath so i mean i think we can

00:37:29Guest 2:draw a distinction so there's somewhere there's a gray area in there and that's where I am but the point is my wife I know that she there's no there's no she cannot just she wouldn't be able to so I would say yes in the hopes that she would never actually follow through on it but I'd be going I would follow through on it every day

00:37:46Marc:Right.

00:37:47Marc:But I understand that.

00:37:47Marc:But the risk of that being is that women a lot of times in the scenario you're painting is that they if you're going to do that, then, you know, the possibility of them developing an emotional connection, which is actually more scarier.

00:37:58Marc:Yeah.

00:37:59Marc:Because I believe that's what happened to me.

00:38:01Marc:Yeah.

00:38:01Marc:Is that, you know, she may may not be.

00:38:03Marc:We get all hung up on sex because it's all about our pride and about our masculinity.

00:38:08Marc:But if they find a shoulder to cry and you're fucked.

00:38:11Marc:Yeah, that's it.

00:38:12Marc:They're not sitting around going like I'm hungry for cock.

00:38:14Marc:no they're saying that he doesn't pay enough attention to me yep he's out fucking other girls yeah so there that someone I wasn't doing that but but but yeah but either way I just read this article in the New York Times I'm halfway through it was devastating about a couple New York Times magazine cover story do you know the New York Times yes okay thank you I have it on my I swear to God I have the app on my iPhone next to iFart

00:38:37Guest 2:It's one next to another.

00:38:39Marc:So I've been reading it a lot lately because I've detached from everything that means anything other than what's in this garage right now.

00:38:47Marc:But I'm reading this cover story, and it's about this couple that had a reasonable marriage.

00:38:50Marc:They were both doing okay.

00:38:51Marc:They had two kids.

00:38:52Marc:And the woman decides she wants to, I guess, write an article on couples counseling.

00:38:57Marc:I'm making it a better marriage.

00:38:58Marc:So it's about her and her husband and her dragging her husband through all these different things.

00:39:02Marc:sort of therapies and counselings and stuff.

00:39:04Marc:And it seems like that it's destroying the marriage.

00:39:07Marc:And it was bringing up all these things about, you know, what intimacy is.

00:39:10Marc:And to be honest with you, I've been married twice.

00:39:12Marc:And I don't know that I could define it.

00:39:14Marc:I don't know what the hell I want out of a marriage.

00:39:16Marc:Like, you know, everyone just sort of like, and I think what she was basically saying is, you think it's what you should do.

00:39:21Marc:You know, we do it.

00:39:22Marc:We're married and we get along okay.

00:39:23Marc:And then when you start getting into the nuts and bolts of things and, you know, why this is this or what I'm not getting or what you're getting or what she's getting,

00:39:30Marc:It really gets complicated, and I really realized after I read it that I don't know what the fuck I want.

00:39:35Marc:Do you know what the fuck you want?

00:39:36Guest 2:Every day it changes.

00:39:38Guest 2:It changes every day.

00:39:40Guest 2:Every day it changes.

00:39:41Marc:It almost seems impossible.

00:39:45Guest 2:on some level you know what i like i'll tell you what i like and this may be what i want but it's right now what i like i like that i have a team i like that these people this woman and this child are on no matter what happens during the day i go home and they're on my team so it's sort of like i now i'm not alone drifting out there we have a boat with two other people on it that you know that's a nice way yeah because i felt like that i was definitely we had two teams

00:40:10Marc:There was her team and my team, which makes it difficult.

00:40:13Guest 2:It makes it a lot harder.

00:40:14Marc:But it's interesting because you're always competing.

00:40:16Guest 2:Yeah.

00:40:17Guest 2:So your drive was there.

00:40:18Marc:Yeah.

00:40:19Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:40:19Guest 2:Sometimes I become complacent because I know I can fall back on my team.

00:40:22Marc:Right.

00:40:22Marc:No, my drive was definitely – I drove it right out.

00:40:25Marc:That's how good my drive was.

00:40:26Marc:You drove it to the airport.

00:40:27Marc:I won.

00:40:28Marc:God damn it.

00:40:31Marc:But I haven't been festering on that lately.

00:40:33Guest 2:As you can tell on stage, right, that I'm better?

00:40:35Guest 2:I've seen a difference, especially since you come back.

00:40:38Guest 2:Yeah, I feel better.

00:40:39Marc:I feel better.

00:40:40Guest 2:But you know what I think helped?

00:40:41Guest 2:And I'm sure people know.

00:40:42Guest 2:I think the one-man show probably helped, right?

00:40:44Guest 2:Definitely.

00:40:45Guest 2:It was cathartic for you?

00:40:46Marc:Yeah, I had to get it out.

00:40:47Marc:And I had to get it out in a public way so I could hurt her vicariously.

00:40:52Marc:Because part of the agenda was not only to get it out, but not to have felt that I wasted the time, but also to speak my own piece.

00:40:58Marc:And I wasn't hard on her.

00:40:59Marc:I was more hard on myself.

00:41:00Marc:But yeah, something helped.

00:41:02Marc:I mean, everything fades in time.

00:41:03Marc:Yeah.

00:41:04Marc:But I guess the other question I have then, like...

00:41:08Marc:Because there would be another resentment point, and it was probably within me in my thinking about you, was that I never really thought beyond stand-up.

00:41:16Marc:Of course, I had dreams of being an actor in this, that, and the other thing, but I always wanted to be a great stand-up.

00:41:21Marc:Was your intention always to get into movies intelligent?

00:41:24Guest 2:Yeah, my intention was to act.

00:41:27Guest 2:And then I went to see when I was living in New York or after college, I went to see Jay Moore at Caroline's.

00:41:33Guest 2:And about halfway during the show, I turned to my that's me.

00:41:38Guest 2:I turned to my wife and I go, I think I could do that.

00:41:41Guest 2:Yeah.

00:41:42Guest 2:And she goes, what do you mean?

00:41:42Guest 2:I'm like, I think I could do what he's doing right now.

00:41:45Guest 2:And she's like, really?

00:41:45Guest 2:And then about a couple months later, I kept talking about it, and she signed me up for an open mic in New York Comedy Club without telling me.

00:41:51Guest 2:Right.

00:41:51Guest 2:And then brought me there, and I went on stage and started doing it.

00:41:54Guest 2:And then the owner, the guy, what was his name, whatever his name was, came over to me and said, yeah, hey, that was okay.

00:42:01Guest 2:Why don't you come back next week and do six minutes?

00:42:03Guest 2:And I said, I can't do it.

00:42:04Guest 2:He goes, why not?

00:42:04Guest 2:I'm like, well, it took me forever to write these three minutes.

00:42:07Guest 2:I didn't know you could do the same material again.

00:42:09Guest 2:Right.

00:42:10Guest 2:And then he explained it to me.

00:42:11Guest 2:And then I started, you know, I kind of got...

00:42:13Guest 2:It was a way for me to perform without being in a play or being in a movie or anything like that every single night on my own terms.

00:42:22Marc:Yeah, so you already had sort of an acting education in place.

00:42:26Marc:Because I watch you and I don't get the feeling that you don't love doing comedy or that you're not a real comic.

00:42:32Marc:But the fact that you have...

00:42:34Marc:You're much smarter than some people, myself included, where you were diligently trying to make headway in the business and get out and find good representation because that was the primary objective.

00:42:44Marc:Yeah.

00:42:45Marc:I mean, there was a time in my life where I'd be like, you know, fuck that guy.

00:42:47Marc:He doesn't have respect for comedy.

00:42:49Marc:He's just using it to be in show business.

00:42:52Marc:Yeah, to catapult himself to another thing.

00:42:53Marc:Yeah.

00:42:54Marc:Yeah.

00:42:54Marc:In show business.

00:42:55Marc:That was back when I made this separation.

00:42:57Marc:Like, you know, we should be real comics and only, you know, be destined to a life of solo sadness on the road.

00:43:04Guest 2:You know how I can tell I enjoy doing is because even when I'm working, even I'm working like 12, 14 hour days, I still come up after that and come up and try to do a spot.

00:43:12Guest 2:Yeah, you got to.

00:43:13Marc:And also, it's like, you know, especially when you work at the store, which is where you primarily work and where I've been working and I have history there, is that that's where your friends are.

00:43:20Marc:Yeah.

00:43:20Marc:I mean, that's the weird thing about the store, and that's what I love about it.

00:43:23Marc:As creepy and weird and dark as it is, that it operates outside of show business.

00:43:28Marc:It's actually like a vacation.

00:43:29Marc:Like, here you are doing a real show and real show business, and you know you can go to the store, and it's like another planet.

00:43:34Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:43:34Guest 2:You don't have to worry about anything.

00:43:36Marc:You say whatever you want.

00:43:37Guest 2:You know there's no industry there.

00:43:38Marc:Ever.

00:43:39Guest 2:Ever.

00:43:40Guest 2:You know, that if you stole something, no one's going to find out.

00:43:43Guest 2:It's fine.

00:43:44Guest 2:It's our church, and you can go confess your sins to somebody.

00:43:48Marc:Yeah, but I think you really got to call your brother about the lack of conscience and breaking a girl's neck and burying her after you fuck her.

00:43:55Marc:I think that...

00:43:56Guest 2:that's something i have to bring up i think that's where you start with your brother yeah you say i got a confession to make i believe that i could i'm capable of doing something like that what do i do now yeah i'd like to see i mean how many hail marys you say on that one now you'd have to pretty much say them every day i think i don't but i don't believe that you could do that no no you don't think i can do that kill someone yeah i don't care about it i'd like to believe i could

00:44:22Marc:Well, yeah, I know that's very interesting, but okay, just think about this, because I know you a little bit.

00:44:27Marc:So you've done it.

00:44:29Marc:Okay.

00:44:29Marc:All right, and then think about, here's where I think you would, maybe morally or emotionally you could handle it, but you're like, fuck, did I leave the shovel?

00:44:37Marc:I think I left the shovel.

00:44:38Guest 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:40Marc:I'm worried about DNA.

00:44:41Marc:Did anyone catch me?

00:44:42Marc:Was our picture taken at that gas station?

00:44:44Guest 2:Yeah, that's why I know where I would do it.

00:44:46Guest 2:What do you mean where you would do it?

00:44:47Guest 2:I know where I would do it.

00:44:48Guest 2:You have a plan?

00:44:50Guest 2:I don't have lime in my trunk right now, but I know where I'd bury the body in the Mojave Desert.

00:44:56Marc:Sure, no one's ever done that before.

00:44:58Marc:That's a good plan.

00:45:00Marc:I think you should just put her upstairs at the comedy store.

00:45:02Marc:Just wrap her up and find one of those weird rooms up there.

00:45:05Guest 2:I'll put her in Pauly's t-shirt box because God knows that hasn't been opened up in years.

00:45:09Guest 2:All right, man.

00:45:10Guest 2:Well, I think we've covered what we need to cover.

00:45:11Guest 2:I appreciate it.

00:45:12Marc:This was great.

00:45:13Marc:It was great.

00:45:13Guest 2:Maybe you can get a little less comfortable chair next time.

00:45:17Marc:Well, I tried to make it as uncomfortable as possible.

00:45:19Guest 2:You might as well have an electric chair and some strobes coming out of my head.

00:45:23Marc:Look, it was all thrown together out of desperation.

00:45:24Marc:No, it's fine.

00:45:25Guest 2:It's really nice.

00:45:25Guest 2:Yeah.

00:45:26Guest 2:You want a book?

00:45:28Guest 2:Do you need anything?

00:45:29Marc:I want a copy of your book.

00:45:30Marc:I never read your book.

00:45:31Marc:I will give you a copy of my book.

00:45:33Marc:Okay, cool.

00:45:33Marc:All right, thanks.

00:45:34Marc:Steve Renazizi, the show is The League, and you can also see him soon on the road or at the Comedy Store.

00:45:40Marc:Thanks, guys, for coming.

00:45:53Marc:Let's read some emails.

00:45:55Marc:Let's break these into categories.

00:45:57Marc:These are quickies.

00:45:58Marc:How about some quickies?

00:45:59Marc:Here we go.

00:45:59Marc:From Mike.

00:46:00Marc:Hey, Mark.

00:46:02Marc:My wife recently turned me on to WTF.

00:46:04Marc:I think you should call all of us what the fuckheads.

00:46:07Marc:I don't really know why.

00:46:08Marc:I just think it sounds better.

00:46:11Marc:I hope your balls drop soon.

00:46:12Marc:Mine just did, and it's awesome.

00:46:14Marc:Mike, a.k.a.

00:46:15Marc:Big Fat Country.

00:46:17Marc:Thank you, Mike.

00:46:17Marc:Congratulations on the ball dropping.

00:46:20Marc:Good for you, you what the fuckhead.

00:46:23Marc:All right, another quick one from Don.

00:46:25Marc:Hey, Mark, love the podcast.

00:46:27Marc:I was traveling and working in Vancouver, Canada and decided to get a haircut in the Chinatown area.

00:46:32Marc:I don't really know why, but I was there.

00:46:35Marc:The guy cuts my hair for six dollars and in parentheses poorly and then starts vigorously vacuuming my head to the point of it starting to hurt.

00:46:45Marc:What the fuck is that about?

00:46:46Marc:Why would you have a vacuum there in your barbershop?

00:46:49Marc:He didn't speak any English.

00:46:51Marc:So it was one of those moments.

00:46:53Marc:Do you get up and leave?

00:46:55Marc:I sat there and took the vacuum treatment.

00:46:57Marc:Don in Australia.

00:46:59Marc:Don, you know, that's a tough call.

00:47:01Marc:I mean, you were in a situation where you like maybe it's customary in barbershops in China for them to vacuum the head thoroughly after they're done.

00:47:11Marc:Or perhaps he saw maybe that's a danger.

00:47:14Marc:I don't know.

00:47:15Marc:But, you know, you you manned up and you took it.

00:47:18Marc:And I bet you on some level you'll never have an experience like that again in your hair.

00:47:22Marc:And your scalp probably felt wicked clean.

00:47:24Marc:I've been in China, though, and I can be quite honest with you.

00:47:27Marc:I saw them cutting people's hair on the street.

00:47:30Marc:I saw people getting haircuts on bicycles in China.

00:47:32Marc:You go to China and Beijing.

00:47:35Marc:There are types of bicycles you never thought you would see.

00:47:37Marc:There are three-wheeled bicycles.

00:47:38Marc:There are five-wheeled bicycles.

00:47:40Marc:There are bicycles with cabins on them.

00:47:42Marc:There are bicycles that have several stories of a trailer on them.

00:47:48Marc:And there are people getting their haircut in bicycles.

00:47:50Marc:So you got an upscale Chinese haircut, my friend.

00:47:52Marc:Upscale.

00:47:54Marc:OK, this one's a little longer.

00:47:57Marc:This guy goes on a bit.

00:47:59Marc:This guy, Bob.

00:48:01Marc:And he says, it seems that every comedian you have on your podcast is someone that you've known for some time.

00:48:06Marc:Makes sense.

00:48:06Marc:You've been doing stand up for a long time, and it stands to reason that you would have crossed paths with every major or minor player in the stand up community.

00:48:12Marc:However, I've noticed that when you sit down with one of these folks, the conversation turns to how when you met your comedian guest at first, you didn't get along with them.

00:48:21Marc:Why is that?

00:48:22Marc:Is it tied to your past issues with drugs slash alcohol?

00:48:26Marc:By the way, congrats on sobriety.

00:48:27Marc:Very admirable.

00:48:28Marc:Anyway, were your negative first interactions with other comedians a symptom of your addiction or perhaps professional jealousy slash competitiveness or maybe just a symptom of your contrarian attitude?

00:48:40Marc:Well, Bob, the answer to that is yes, yes, and yes.

00:48:44Marc:All right?

00:48:44Marc:Do we have a fucking problem?

00:48:46Marc:Seriously, do we have a problem?

00:48:47Marc:Are we okay, Bob?

00:48:49Marc:No, I don't mean that in a negative way.

00:48:51Marc:Are we okay?

00:48:52Marc:No, no.

00:48:53Marc:I mean, okay, you seem like a good guy.

00:48:55Marc:But seriously?

00:48:57Marc:Why?

00:48:57Marc:What do you think I'm an asshole?

00:49:00Marc:You see, that was the kind of thing I used to do.

00:49:03Marc:And how'd that feel to you?

00:49:05Marc:I don't know where it comes from.

00:49:08Marc:It's just a little defensive.

00:49:11Marc:Moving on.

00:49:12Marc:These are stories and they have a similar theme.

00:49:15Marc:And let's try to do it.

00:49:16Marc:Let's try to get through these because I appreciate you guys emailing me.

00:49:19Marc:Chris, this is from Chris.

00:49:22Marc:Hey, Mark, had the what the fuck moment of a lifetime at the grocery store and had to share.

00:49:26Marc:So I'm in line at the 15 items or less register for an inordinate amount of time.

00:49:32Marc:And look forward to find the cause of delay.

00:49:34Marc:I spot a chubby woman.

00:49:36Marc:Using the word chubby is actually a compliment.

00:49:38Marc:She looked like a 10-gallon trash bag stuffed with mashed potatoes with a cart full of groceries standing near the bagging area.

00:49:45Marc:And I watch as she smacks her lips and rolls her eyes in annoyance.

00:49:50Marc:First of all, she should have been killed for being in that line with a full cart of groceries.

00:49:55Marc:Secondly, she is pointing at a torn 12-pack of Sierra Mist and mumbling like Dustin Hoffman and Dick Tracy, which is when I realized that the bagger has been sent to fetch a pristine 12-pack of Sierra Mist.

00:50:07Marc:Really?

00:50:08Marc:The bagger returns in seconds with the soda, and she yells, and I quote...

00:50:12Marc:You should give it to me for free because I had to wait, unquote.

00:50:17Marc:The bagger's face reddens in embarrassment and Jabba the slut shoots him an irritated stare.

00:50:22Marc:He puts the 12-pack in her cart and my blood begins to boil as she stands motionless and gives a look to the cashier that says, well, meaning, where is my refund for the delay in mistreatment?

00:50:34Marc:Of course, those are my choice of words.

00:50:36Marc:Hers would have went something like, where my money?

00:50:39Marc:At this point, I had had enough.

00:50:42Marc:I fucking snapped and said, you're not getting a refund, and if you don't go away, I'm going to hold you while everyone in line kicks you in your fat ass for being a fucktard.

00:50:51Marc:Leave.

00:50:53Marc:Now understand I am 6'3", weigh 250 pounds, and have a head of hair like Ted Nugent, so I must have looked completely dangerous and psychotic.

00:51:00Marc:Fuck it.

00:51:01Marc:She wallowed her ass out of the store, post-haste, and I was applauded by everyone around me.

00:51:06Marc:I can't even describe how good that felt.

00:51:08Marc:So good, in fact, that I am now looking for the next opportunity to set an asshole straight.

00:51:13Marc:I'll probably get shot, but maybe you'll see me on the news.

00:51:16Marc:Prentice's Deep Breath.

00:51:18Marc:Love the podcast and your comedy.

00:51:19Marc:Mr. Marin Best.

00:51:20Marc:Chris.

00:51:22Marc:Chris, I'm glad you felt good.

00:51:25Marc:Anger feels good.

00:51:26Marc:Justice feels good.

00:51:27Marc:But if I can be a little zen, if I can be a little zen, Chris, sometimes you just got to take a deep breath.

00:51:34Marc:And as you did at the end of this and ride it out with patience.

00:51:39Marc:But sometimes you got to do what you did.

00:51:41Marc:What the fuck, man?

00:51:42Marc:Just be careful out there when you're out there snapping in public.

00:51:45Marc:When you're losing your shit in public, be careful.

00:51:49Marc:What I want to do right now is say happy birthday to one of my listeners.

00:51:54Marc:Nola is is is turning.

00:51:58Marc:I don't know.

00:51:58Marc:How old is she turning?

00:52:00Marc:I didn't get that information.

00:52:01Marc:But happy birthday, Nola in Kittering, Ohio.

00:52:04Marc:Her birthday is on the 19th.

00:52:06Marc:And her friend, Brendan, Brendan asked me to to go ahead and do that.

00:52:11Marc:So I went ahead and did it because he was very pleasant.

00:52:15Marc:He said, basically, he said, my girlfriend got me started on you since your first show.

00:52:19Marc:And now we both listen to you all the time for her birthday.

00:52:22Marc:I'm getting her one of your T-shirts, T-shirts, which sounds well budget.

00:52:25Marc:I know.

00:52:26Marc:But we both were both seniors in high school and I don't have a job.

00:52:30Marc:I was wondering if you could wish her a happy birthday on a future cast.

00:52:33Marc:And you know what?

00:52:35Marc:Happy birthday and thanks for listening to me in high school.

00:52:39Marc:I am always happy when I get, I got another email here from, I don't want to say young people, but look, all I know is that when I was 12, 13, 14 years old, all throughout my adolescence,

00:52:53Marc:I always gravitated to dark, fucked-up adults to guide the way for me.

00:52:59Marc:That my heroes were comedians, they were rock stars, they were people with a history, the beatniks.

00:53:05Marc:They weren't even of my generation, but it just seemed that at that time...

00:53:09Marc:in the late 70s and early 80s, there were still grownups in pop culture that were entertaining and that spoke something to people.

00:53:18Marc:And I always find it very touching when teenagers reach out to me only because I would have when I was a kid.

00:53:25Marc:I would have been like, that guy's fucked up.

00:53:27Marc:I've never dealt with a grown-up that is that crazy, and I'd like to hear more from him.

00:53:33Marc:So I have a great deal of hope for these people that reach out to me who are younger.

00:53:37Marc:And I very much like this email.

00:53:38Marc:I think this really sums it up.

00:53:40Marc:Hey, Mark, I've been listening to your podcast from the very first episode, and I've got to say it's defined my eighth-grade experience.

00:53:48Marc:How proud am I?

00:53:50Marc:I'm interjecting here.

00:53:51Marc:This is me, not the email.

00:53:52Marc:How proud am I after that opening line?

00:53:55Marc:Back to the email.

00:53:56Marc:Now, I don't know if I'm too young for this show, but what I do know is that listening to your comedy style has turned me from an innocent child to a cynical, wry, and altogether more contemptuous human being.

00:54:09Marc:I'm felling, as they say in Yiddish, the the the language of my ancestors that I know three words of back to the email.

00:54:17Marc:My sense of humor has simply become more bitter.

00:54:19Marc:And I've got to say that I love it.

00:54:21Marc:I feel that I have found a place in my world because of this podcast.

00:54:25Marc:Before I was making fart jokes with the rest of my friends, but this brilliant show has shown what true great comedy is like, and it seems to me that listening to this really comedic maturity, and in Prentice, he says, an oxymoron.

00:54:38Marc:No, no, not in this case, my friend.

00:54:40Marc:that by listening to this comedic maturity in audio form, for some reason, however, being a horrible narcissistic person has had a benefit on my so-called, quote-unquote, social standing.

00:54:54Marc:I never asked to be more popular, but by being basically a douche, I've been accepted more widely throughout my school.

00:55:00Marc:I mean, what the fuck?

00:55:02Marc:I became more mature, more of a jerk, more of, I guess, an asshole in search of a laugh, and I'm being rewarded for it.

00:55:09Marc:heck i was even elected student body president what kind of fucked up youth are we raising myself included just a thought that i wanted to share with you thanks again for making me a worse person to others but a better person to myself sincerely so it so i this is heartwarming there's so much in this email that just makes me have hope have hope a premature bitterness cynicism uh you know lashing out you know sometimes that's what you need to do to get yourself a little territory

00:55:41Marc:You know, one of the big issues about being in high school is that if you have an undeveloped personality or you're shy or you're not that good at engaging with other people or you're too needy or whatever the hell it is, it could sink you and it could sink you for life.

00:55:58Marc:So if you're a little douchey, a little asshole, a little, you know, you got a cutting wit, it gives you a pass, a ticket to travel through all different cliques and groups because you're the funny guy.

00:56:08Marc:You're the smart guy.

00:56:11Marc:And even if you don't know what your full personality is or who you really are inside or whether or not you're comfortable, you'll get yourself some territory and some respect to work that stuff out.

00:56:21Marc:Comedy is interesting like that because it does two things.

00:56:23Marc:It keeps people at a distance, but it also makes them want to be around you.

00:56:29Marc:That sort of changed for me as the times went on, but I find this to be very encouraging.

00:56:34Marc:The other thing I really like about Sella's email is that, you know, after he says, what kind of fucked up youth are we raising?

00:56:39Marc:And then in the sentence before that, he uses the word heck.

00:56:43Marc:See, that's part of the transition.

00:56:44Marc:He says, heck, I was even elected student body president.

00:56:47Marc:What kind of fucked up youth are we raising?

00:56:49Marc:See, he's still in transition.

00:56:51Marc:You know, heck is the old Sella.

00:56:53Marc:Heck is the kid that didn't have a sense of humor and wasn't popular.

00:56:57Marc:And then what kind of fucked up youth are we raising?

00:57:00Marc:That's the new empowered Sela.

00:57:03Marc:Congratulations, man.

00:57:04Marc:That's all I got to say.

00:57:06Marc:I like this next email only because it uses words I never heard and it's got a certain lyricism to it.

00:57:15Marc:Mark, what the fuck?

00:57:16Marc:You can be my agony fucking aunt for this one because people are douchebags and like you, just give a fuck about what they want, not what I want.

00:57:24Marc:Excellent opening line, by the way.

00:57:26Marc:Back to the email.

00:57:27Marc:My friends won't come and see me and get skull-faced at my house.

00:57:31Marc:Please, someone tell me what that means.

00:57:33Marc:Back to the email.

00:57:34Marc:All I ever do is fucking drive 45 minutes every fucking weekend to see them and make a real effort if one of them is alone, and they keep going, oh, well, come up.

00:57:43Marc:We will.

00:57:44Marc:Fuck, no, they don't.

00:57:45Marc:What the fuck is all that about?

00:57:47Marc:I hope because of this, Mars breaks from its orbit and destroys this evolutionary fart fuck of an insensitive hellhole planet.

00:57:55Marc:You're screwed up and no one likes you.

00:57:56Marc:So how do you deal?

00:57:58Marc:By the way, great fucking show.

00:57:59Marc:Not that you need to hear it, you egomaniac.

00:58:01Marc:God, you're so selfish.

00:58:04Marc:This is a great email because this guy is angry and conflicted and I love it.

00:58:11Marc:And because of this one line,

00:58:14Marc:I hope because of this, Mars breaks from its orbit and destroys this evolutionary fart fuck of an insensitive hellhole planet.

00:58:23Marc:That's spectacular.

00:58:25Marc:Love it.

00:58:26Marc:An agony ant.

00:58:27Marc:I never heard that one.

00:58:29Marc:No, I don't know what that is.

00:58:29Marc:I don't know what skull face is, but I know that I'm sure I did it once or twice.

00:58:34Marc:Thank you very much, Ross.

00:58:36Marc:I appreciate it.

00:58:37Marc:And I don't know what to tell you.

00:58:39Marc:How do you deal?

00:58:41Marc:You suck it up.

00:58:41Marc:You make the effort.

00:58:42Marc:And if they're not good friends, fuck them.

00:58:43Marc:But it sounds like you're a little sensitive.

00:58:45Marc:It sounds like you're hurting inside.

00:58:46Marc:And this is the manifestation of sadness and grief and a feeling of betrayal and abandonment.

00:58:54Marc:But I don't know if the first place to go with that is you hope the world ends.

00:59:00Marc:But I've been there and you'll work through it and maybe find some better friends.

00:59:05Marc:And maybe if you communicate with them in a genuine way, genuine way and take the emotional risk of saying how you feel, maybe that'll work.

00:59:13Marc:I'm not sure if you speak in the same way that you speak in this email to your friends that that'll necessarily have them running over to your house to to get skull faced.

00:59:24Marc:But thanks for your email.

00:59:31Marc:All right, folks, that's the end of the show.

00:59:32Marc:Well, this is the end of the show.

00:59:34Marc:I'm saying it right now.

00:59:35Marc:This is the end of the show.

00:59:36Marc:I want to thank Steve Ranazzisi, and I want to thank all you people for your emails.

00:59:41Marc:And as always, please go to punchlinemagazine.com and get up to speed with what's happening in the world of comedy.

00:59:47Marc:You can always go to wtfpod.com for all your WTF podcast needs.

00:59:53Marc:And if you want to send donations or subscriptions, you know how it goes.

00:59:57Marc:Get a free T-shirt, stickers,

00:59:59Marc:and a postcard with a subscription for $10 a month rolling, or you can donate whatever you want.

01:00:06Marc:And I appreciate your support, and I hope you have a lovely weekend, rest of the week, rest of the year.

01:00:11Marc:If this is the last WTF you listen to, rest of your life.

01:00:15Marc:Talk to you later.