Episode 302 - Ryan Stout
Guest:Lock the gates!
Marc:Alright, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fuckineers?
Marc:What the fucknicks?
Marc:What the fuckalodians?
Marc:What the fuckareans?
Marc:What the fucklets?
Marc:What the fucklectives?
Marc:Yeah, that's still from the Jacob list.
Marc:Oh, and what the fuckumuli.
Marc:Alright, so there, Fiona.
Marc:What the fuckumuli.
Marc:What the fuckumuli.
Marc:That was a request.
Marc:From the lovely Miss Fiona Apple, who pestered me about what the fuck you, Eli, and I just wanted to throw that out there.
Marc:I'm not name-dropping.
Marc:She was on the show.
Marc:This is Mark Maron.
Marc:This is my show.
Marc:This is WTF with Mark Maron.
Marc:Me.
Marc:My garage.
Marc:It's nighttime.
Marc:Who's on the show today?
Marc:Wait.
Marc:Don't get into that yet.
Marc:Tell the people where you're going to be.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, this week...
Marc:Wednesday, I'll be in San Francisco at comms.
Marc:I'll be at San Francisco.
Marc:Holy fuck.
Marc:Come on.
Marc:What is going on with my brain?
Marc:It's getting all over the place.
Marc:Wednesday.
Marc:Oh, boy.
Marc:Wednesday, the 8th of August, I will be in San Francisco at Cobb's Comedy Club performing a benefit for the animal shelter, San Francisco ACC with Arch Barker.
Marc:Okay, on Saturday, August 11th, I will be in Utah at Wise Guys for two shows.
Marc:If you would like to get tickets for either of those shows, go to my website, wtfpod.com.
Marc:All right, I got through that.
Marc:Fine.
Marc:Who's on the show?
Marc:Ryan Stout, the very funny Ryan Stout.
Marc:Stout?
Marc:Stout.
Marc:Jesus.
Marc:Stout.
Marc:Ryan Stout.
Marc:the sardonic yet uh uplifting ryan stout you'll enjoy that you'll enjoy him i'm not telling you that i'm saying it what the fuck is going on with my brain god damn it something's going on in my brain and it's just that i'm not freaking out about things right now got a lot of things going on i'm too busy to freak out about it i don't know maybe i'm actually engaged and enjoying it i'm writing my ifc my ifc show i can't talk i
Marc:I picked the wrong job.
Marc:I never thought it'd go down like that where I'd somehow get a stutter this late in life.
Marc:All of a sudden I have some other horrendous speech impediment.
Marc:This is like head injury time.
Marc:I probably got a thingy in my brain.
Marc:No, stop it.
Marc:Come on.
Marc:Where were we?
Marc:I'm writing my show for IFC.
Marc:We're in it.
Marc:It's me and two showrunners and another guy.
Marc:We're at it.
Marc:We're writing.
Marc:I've never done this before.
Marc:I'm writing 10 episodes of television.
Marc:We're breaking stories.
Marc:I didn't even know what breaking stories meant, but I'm breaking them.
Marc:We're doing it and it's going well.
Marc:I'm very excited about it.
Marc:We've got some good stories going on in there.
Marc:Some of them are amplifications of things you may be familiar with, but not the same because different things happen to me.
Marc:You know what's weird about when you're busy and you do a sort of solo profession?
Marc:When you really got to sit down and start telling the stories of your life, you realize just how much of your life goes on online.
Marc:on email, on texting, on how little you actually see friends.
Marc:So anytime anything happens in my life now, I'm paying very deep attention to it, drawing from that experience.
Marc:The whole show can't just be about me walking people to my garage and talking to them for an hour, but it's going well.
Marc:So if any of you are wondering how that's going, and I'd be honest with you, we're in a good flow and I'm getting along with the guys and we're writing some good shit.
Marc:So look forward to that show.
Marc:It's only a year away.
Marc:So put that on your calendar.
Marc:Set your Tevos for a year from now.
Marc:Look, you know I've discussed baby, the possibility of having a baby.
Marc:I think that we all know that I think in my mind that I'm too old to have a baby or perhaps I'm too frightened to have a baby.
Marc:Perhaps I think I'm too panicky to have a baby.
Marc:Whatever it is, I've avoided it thus far.
Marc:Too selfish, perhaps.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So you all know that those things are going on and that I'm living with Jessica now.
Marc:And all those things are going on in my mind.
Marc:So instead of maybe being forthright and honest about those things, about my fears, I chose to say to Jessica this.
Marc:How are we going to have a baby when you can't even clean up your room?
Marc:How are we going to have a baby when even after I built you a closet, you can't put things away?
Marc:What's going to happen to the baby?
Marc:It's going to all be on me.
Marc:I'm going to be cleaning up after two children in my house.
Marc:So instead of really address my own personal fears, I just dumped it all on her, which I think is the male thing to do.
Marc:If not the I wouldn't say it's the right thing to do, but bought me a little time.
Marc:But now something's backfiring.
Marc:Something's gone horribly wrong with my my stall.
Marc:All of a sudden, I go away for the day.
Marc:She's still on summer break.
Marc:I come home.
Marc:My God, the bathroom's clean.
Marc:Holy shit, all the dishes are done.
Marc:She's cleaned her clothes and picked them up and hung them places.
Marc:What's happened to the woman that I loved?
Marc:Who replaced her with this person that takes care of the house and cleans up after herself?
Marc:This is astounding.
Marc:And then, like, I don't know that I really put it together, but I kind of did in the back of my head.
Marc:But she said, did I pass the baby test?
Marc:Will you put a baby in me now?
Marc:And I thought, like, wow, well, I guess now it's, you know, on me.
Marc:It's coming down to the wire on this thing, folks.
Marc:And all I know is if she keeps fucking cleaning the house, I'm going to have a baby in it.
Marc:That's what I'm thinking.
Marc:I better do it soon.
Marc:I don't want the kid to just get old enough to be excited to do things where all I want to do is nothing.
Marc:All right, well, here's what we're going to do now.
Marc:Matt Graham was on the show a while back.
Marc:You remember him?
Marc:He was second in the world in Scrabble.
Marc:He tried to play college basketball at 40, takes a lot of vitamins, collects board games.
Marc:But I just watched that movie Wordplay.
Marc:Is that what it's called?
Marc:He was in that.
Marc:He was in the book.
Marc:Wasn't happy with the book.
Marc:Brilliant guy.
Marc:Known him a long time.
Marc:And also you might remember he tried to cut his head off with a butter knife.
Marc:So a lot of you had some feedback about that.
Marc:You found it disturbing or some of you found it fascinating.
Marc:But maybe I think you felt that maybe Matt wasn't taking care of himself.
Marc:Well, since then, Matt has put together a one-man show that he's going to be premiering at the New York City Fringe Festival.
Marc:It's called This Too Shall Suck.
Marc:And you can go to thistooshallsuck.com for information about this show.
Marc:And I thought we'd give a call, put a call into Matt and let him talk to show up a little bit.
Marc:And just to show you, I hope, let's call him, that Matt Graham is doing well and excited about his upcoming show.
Marc:So let's call Matt Graham.
Guest:Hello?
Marc:Matt, it's Mark Maron.
Guest:I kind of figured...
Guest:And it's very funny because my producer just texted me twice, like the second you called, like at 930.
Marc:Let's talk about the show for a minute because, I mean, since I last talked to you, both at your house and in my hotel room, you were starting to think about doing this one-man show.
Marc:And how has it progressed?
Marc:What was the process like?
Guest:Yes, I was thinking of doing this one-man show, and it was bouncing around my mind, I think, because, you know, that one girl I had to date with, Guelda, had like, you know, the whole thing had like kind of flipped me out.
Guest:And also, I was running out of money, and, you know, I wanted to finance Ruth's care since he had 30,000 health problems.
Guest:Who's your cat?
Guest:Well, that was my cat, the one I really, really loved.
Guest:and so i thought well maybe i'll get back into this you know whatever and you know like i did i procrastinated dragged my feet i worked a little bit on something then tore my achilles and whatever the next thing i know i um um had a show and two nights to do it and i i got one stand-up set in for five minutes to practice before it so basically i determined that
Guest:the show was my second and third time on stage in eight years.
Guest:So my second time on stage in eight years, I did an hour and five minutes.
Guest:How'd that feel?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, and it was great.
Guest:I mean, it was a lot of fun.
Guest:I mean, cause I was just talking to people and it, you know, I wasn't, you know, it, at, uh, Yuck Yucks in Topeka, you know what I mean?
Guest:Where everybody's partially my enemy.
Marc:You didn't walk up angry.
Guest:Uh, no, I mean, it's funny because, you know, you, you talk to me, you know, I could still have my moments of, you know, like vitriol, but as a performer, it's totally different, man.
Guest:I mean, when I was a kid, I'm like, you better listen to me.
Guest:And now I'm up there like, cause I need somebody to talk to.
Guest:And that comes across right away.
Marc:What's the show about?
Guest:The show is biographical, which doesn't sound all that interesting except for the fucking life I've had.
Guest:And so some of the stories like that I told on your show before, at least one.
Marc:What's it called?
Guest:The show is called This Too Shall Suck.
Marc:And what is the pitch line?
Marc:Basically, it's about, what's the theme of the show?
Guest:It's biography, but the theme of the show is that nothing works out for me.
Guest:I don't really do anything right.
Guest:Either I fuck it up myself or I do...
Guest:a really fucking great job and circumstances bury me or politics bury me or, you know, whatever.
Guest:So it's a chronicle of one failure to the next failure.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:So it's like Matt's book of Job.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, I identify a lot with that, you know, which shows how sick I am since I have only luxury problems.
Guest:But, you know, maybe they'll write, you know,
Marc:uh write a book one day like you know when we get some like new chapter and verse about you know me being punished with luxury problems so did you so you talk about so you talk about almost being number one in the world in scrabble you talk about almost uh making it on the college basketball team at 40 uh you talk about uh what else do you talk about do you talk about what you talked about on my show before do you talk about almost cutting your head off with a butter knife or no
Guest:Yeah, actually, you know, that was actually one of the – I was not as close to getting it done.
Guest:That was a pretty profound failure because I think I ended up a long way from, like, chopping my head off.
Guest:So, like, the college basketball team was much, much closer, you know.
Guest:And it turns out, I mean, I think I have a better book with the self-decapitation thing than I probably did with the white shadow approach.
Sure.
Guest:Yeah, I talk about that.
Guest:I mean, I talk about all the key stories.
Guest:I hit on little things a little bit on how I went all the way back to being second in stuff, you know.
Guest:I was second in the state in table tennis, you know, and then suddenly I had like a psychological freakout, and I couldn't read spin, and I couldn't play, like at all, you know.
Guest:Like I couldn't beat somebody on their basement table, you know.
Guest:Again, it was my brain consuming me.
Guest:This show, to just give it a big plug of something special,
Guest:If it's not the most, it is top five most honest, self-effacing shows ever.
Guest:I say shit on stage.
Guest:People would not say on their deathbed.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:Sure.
Guest:And I just own right up to it.
Guest:And it's not just about suicide.
Guest:It's about sex.
Guest:I mean, like there's nothing held back.
Marc:OK, so this too shall suck is going to be at your show is going to be at the 2012 New York City Fringe Festival, August 10th through 16th.
Marc:And you can get information on that at this too shall suck dot com.
Marc:This is exciting, man.
Guest:Yeah, I mean, I'm really excited about it.
Guest:I was living in complete fear for like two weeks, and then something shifted, and now I'm all excited.
Guest:You know how it is with us mid-major depressives.
Guest:I'm not saying you are one, but I know you at least understand the mindset.
Marc:Yeah, I grew up with one.
Marc:There was one in the house.
Guest:Yeah, so now I'm psyched again, and today I've just gone nonstop.
Guest:And, you know, I mean, here's the thing.
Guest:I'm just hoping I can get some people to see it.
Marc:No, they'll come see it.
Marc:I mean, you get some good press.
Marc:It sounds great.
Marc:It sounds like something everyone can relate to that, you know, the struggle to be better and the persistence of failure is, you know, it doesn't sound like you're going to be self-pitying.
Marc:It sounds like you're going to be hilarious.
Guest:Again, yeah, as much as funny, because being one of the most commented on guests in the history of your show or whatever, the number of people that hate me, and I guess I can't blame them.
Guest:I look at assumptions they make or whatever.
Guest:Let me tell you something.
Guest:In real life, I'm a guy with a lot of self-awareness.
Marc:I don't think anyone hated you.
Marc:I think they were looking for a happy ending and I think they might have it in this show just by virtue of the fact that, you know, whatever you may have failed at in the past, you pulled it together, you focused and you put together, you know, this amazing monologue that's now going to be in the New York City Fringe Festival.
Marc:So I don't think people had a problem with you necessarily other than like...
Guest:Whatever.
Guest:I mean, I didn't read too many of them because you'll go nuts.
Guest:You know, I started thinking, well, maybe I'll try and do a thoughtful reply to this one.
Guest:But, you know, I don't like the people who thank me on Facebook.
Guest:The really funny thing you said about the happy ending is, like, I would see the difference in perspective if you know somebody and you don't.
Guest:You know, the award got back a couple people.
Guest:I know Ennis said, oh, Merritt will cross that you're doing really well.
Guest:And at the same day, I read a comment like, it was great to see somebody on Mark's show whose life is already in the shitter.
Guest:You know, everybody on there is doing so.
Guest:So if you know me, I'm doing fucking great.
Guest:But, you know, if you're putting me against the standard baseline, my life is in the shitter.
Marc:So what is this thing you wrote after rehearsal?
Marc:Huh?
Marc:What's the thing you wrote after rehearsal that you wanted to talk about?
Guest:I, you know, and not to be, I got all reflective, I think, because I was a little loopy and my blood sugar was bad.
Guest:And I wrote, you know, I'm not even sure, but like I said, everything's so edible.
Guest:It's just an open letter to God type of thing.
Guest:And it's funny because, like I said, that's a big part of my show is...
Guest:talking about synchronicity and where my life has taken me and the unlikely things that brought me to be without a drink for 11 years now, whatever.
Guest:So I wrote this kind of quickly, but I'll share it with you real quick.
Guest:First, I'd never had a start, and I know people have an issue with gender and God, so I started it.
Guest:Mr. and Mrs. God.
Guest:Life has me confused.
Guest:It has many of us confused.
Guest:I mentor a 17-year-old kid.
Guest:His name is Charlie, and he's made a big difference in my life.
Guest:His mother smoked crack, so he wasn't born with all the intestines he needs.
Guest:He's had 40 surgeries, but he's a tough kid.
Guest:And when Charlie watches the Pink Panther, he lights up like he hasn't been sick a day in his life.
Guest:I would like to be more like Charlie, but I cannot identify or feel joy.
Guest:Still, I am sure there are days when Charlie asks himself, why me?
Guest:Why was I put on earth to endure this pain?
Guest:We all wonder why we're here.
Guest:What is our purpose?
Guest:Is there a meaning to this?
Guest:I believe you exist, God, but many sensible folks don't, and I can't blame them one bit.
Guest:The whole world waits on answers.
Guest:But one question stands out above all.
Guest:Why the fuck did I never get Letterman?
Guest:Luminaries like J.R.
Guest:Haviland and Stevie Ray Fromstein got Letterman.
Guest:I am from the same neighborhood as Dave, went to the same high school.
Guest:I bought my junk food where Dave used to sack groceries.
Guest:The show auditioned me 20 times when I was a teenager, not even knowing I had a connection to Indianapolis, just that I had great material.
Guest:I bombed in front of the segment producers that liked me, and I killed in front of the ones who didn't get me.
Guest:As it always is with me, wrong place, wrong time.
Guest:So, enough already.
Guest:I realize I'm not holding the cards here, God, and the most I can do is not capitalize you when I write.
Guest:But I ask, humbly, blow who you need to blow and get me on Letterman.
Guest:If for no other reason, do it for Charlie.
Marc:That's beautiful, man.
Guest:I wrote that in the last two hours, so apologies for the choppiness.
Guest:I just had to, like, get that off my chest, you know?
Marc:Yeah, I hear you.
Marc:And I think it's a great tease for the show.
Marc:I think you might want to think about putting that in there.
Guest:Unfortunately, like, and this is the really good thing, like, now that
Guest:Now that I debase myself and people actually like me, I get a lot of laughs even doing stand-up, and I always have more time than I think I do.
Guest:Like, we timed my first show out at 30 minutes, and it went an hour five, and the next night I did an hour 20.
Guest:And, you know, with Fringe, you've got to do what Fringe, you know, asks you to do, which is an hour.
Guest:So, you know, it's important that I not lose sight of the forest for the trees and I get my main message in.
Marc:Well, that's great, man.
Marc:Let me just say the dates again.
Marc:It's at the New York City Fringe Festival this year, 2012.
Marc:It's called This Too Shall Suck, and it's going to be playing August 10th through 26th.
Marc:You can go to Matt's website for the show.
Guest:It's right there.
Guest:I'm sorry.
Marc:Go ahead.
Guest:It's right down in Soho at this really cool place where, like, Revolutionary War Leaders is hanging out, the Huron Club.
Guest:So the venue's freaking awesome also.
Guest:And before you, because I can tell you're rapping on me, I've got to get one more plug.
Guest:Go ahead.
Guest:Which is that I'm doing a week at Gotham in four or five weeks.
Guest:A week's not at set exactly for sure, but I want people to become aware so they can follow my stand-up, because it's pretty good, too.
Marc:It's absolutely good, and I'm fucking happy for you, man.
Guest:Thank you very much.
Marc:All right, Matt, thanks for talking.
Guest:Hey, thank you for talking to me.
Guest:Take care.
Marc:All right, buddy.
Marc:So he sounded pretty good to me.
Marc:That was Matt Graham.
Marc:Go see his show.
Marc:Go to this2shallsuck.com for those dates and let me know how that is.
Marc:Let me know how that show is.
Marc:Now it's my honor and privilege to talk to the wonderfully funny...
Marc:He's got a new record out.
Marc:Well, it's pretty new.
Marc:We'll talk about it.
Marc:Ryan Stout in the garage now.
Marc:You know how this works?
Guest:Yeah, I know how to talk into a mic.
Guest:But I mean, you okay?
Guest:Yeah, I'm all right.
Guest:I figure you'll ask some questions and I'm just going to try to be present and answer them.
Guest:Is that the prep you did?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, I mean, I thought in my head like, well, you know, I want to mention this thing and I want to mention that thing.
Guest:And I'm like, yeah, let's not go in and try to have an agenda.
Guest:Let's just go in.
Marc:No agenda?
Marc:Ryan Stout.
Marc:No agenda.
Marc:Ryan Stout in the garage with no agenda.
Marc:Thanks for having me.
Marc:No, thank you.
Marc:And I'm sorry that you brought me a pint of ice cream.
Marc:A pint of peanut butter cup fucking ice cream.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And I just bought some last night.
Marc:So now that you bring it over, I was looking for an excuse to eat it, not during the interview, but to eat it during the day.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I gave you one.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But now, but now you've challenged me because now I know that's there tonight and I know I'm not exercising and I don't want to make this all about me, but you fucked me, man.
Guest:yeah i know i know well you did something uh because i've only been here one other time right and uh we were hanging out you and me and ryan singer right and i remember you having a bowl of of vanilla ice cream and taking the reese's minis just the bag of them the unwrapped ones right and just dumping the bag into the bowl right and i was like wow i've never seen just such such indulgence such compulsive blatant like not even i'm gonna put a few of these in no you dump the whole bag
Guest:You went for it.
Guest:Where did that bag come from?
Guest:I wouldn't have bought that.
Marc:How did that get here?
Marc:I have no idea.
Marc:Who brought me that?
Marc:So I just listened to your album.
Marc:Part of it.
Marc:Or did you get through all of it?
Marc:Because I walked in, you were listening to part of it.
Marc:I know.
Marc:I thought I could get it done.
Marc:There was some sort of demand sent through your people.
Marc:My people.
Marc:They're very demanding.
Marc:Yeah, it was something like, make sure Maren listens to my CD.
Marc:Was that what I heard?
Guest:No, that's not correct at all.
Guest:I mean, you had one and I just kind of asked if we were going to do this, if you were going to listen to it first.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Just out of curiosity.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then I was told, oh yeah, we'll make sure that Mark listens to it first.
Marc:Someone said that?
Marc:My people said that?
Guest:All right.
Guest:Yeah, your people.
Guest:Your people took control of your agenda.
Marc:Sam said that?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Sam said, I'll get him.
Marc:There it was sitting on my table, ready to be put in.
Marc:Sure enough, an hour before you get here, I'm like, fuck, I got to listen to Ryan.
Marc:Fuck.
Marc:Last minute.
Marc:His jokes.
Marc:Got to cram.
Guest:Got to cram on stout.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I listened to your album this week, so I crammed as well.
Guest:Oh, yes.
Guest:You got any questions?
Guest:Uh...
Guest:When you did the Creationism Museum, you were in Cincinnati the week right after I was.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Exactly the week after.
Guest:Right after you?
Guest:And we went to the Creationism Museum.
Guest:Oh, it didn't make your record though, did it?
Guest:No, it did not.
Guest:What was your experience like?
Guest:Who'd you go with?
Guest:Same guys I went with?
Guest:No, I went with Brian Gutman.
Guest:You know Brian out of Austin.
Guest:I love Brian.
Guest:He's a very funny guy.
Marc:He's one of my favorite people to hang out with.
Marc:out with.
Guest:Well trimmed beard.
Guest:He's the reason we went because we checked into the hotel and he was looking at all the, you know, you check into the hotel, there's the pamphlets there.
Guest:And Brian was like, oh, we have to do this.
Guest:Yeah, you have to.
Guest:And I just nodded my head up and down and went, yep.
Guest:Weren't you amazed at how nice the place was?
Marc:Like a lot of money and thought wouldn't do it?
Marc:That was a big thought of mine.
Marc:I was like, there's just...
Marc:Millions of dollars in here.
Marc:I was kind of fascinated with it.
Marc:I don't know, man.
Marc:They seem like nice enough people.
Marc:Now that I know that you went, they must indulge just ironic idiots, non-believers going through there to mock them all the time.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And it's some sort of exercise in them praying for their enemies.
Marc:You got to love your enemies.
Marc:And here they come.
Guest:And they're very nice.
Guest:Well, because we went and then we got back to the club later that night.
Guest:Ryan Singer showed up and Jeff Tate was there and we were talking to them about it.
Guest:And then the next week, those two are in the car with you going down there.
Guest:And I was like, wait a second.
Guest:Are they turning this into a whole big thing now?
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:It's got to be the pilgrimage.
Marc:Now I think it's upon any comic that goes to go bananas.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:To go down there.
Guest:Where did you start, though?
Guest:um i started in san francisco yeah i grew up in el paso texas really yeah that was the proper response a lot of border town that's some crazy shit it is weird to think that like i grew up a straight white male in america and i grew up in a place where i was a minority and
Guest:Like who gets dealt that hand?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I mean, I grew up in Albuquerque and we were, I think it was 60-40 when I grew up.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Latino versus whatever else everyone else is.
Guest:And there are a lot of people in El Paso who came over the border and don't get counted in the census.
Marc:I hear that.
Marc:There's a lot of news about that these days.
Marc:Right.
Marc:There's an issue around that.
Guest:And then my dad worked in Juarez over the border.
Guest:He worked for General Motors.
Guest:So he would cross the border every day.
Guest:Really?
Guest:And cross back.
Guest:And, you know, you heard on the news about all the Maquiladora killings.
Guest:And I remember talking to a co-worker of his and, you know, they have to go to seminars of like always travel in pairs.
Guest:and always check to see if you're being followed.
Guest:And if you get kidnapped, General Motors cannot pay the ransom because that means they're going to kidnap more of us.
Guest:And so I'm asking- You're on your own.
Guest:Yeah, I'm asking my dad's coworker who, you know, they've been friends for, you know, three decades.
Guest:And my dad's retired, but this guy still works.
Guest:And I'm like, it is getting bad down there.
Guest:Are you worried at all?
Guest:And he looked at me and he kind of shrugged.
Guest:He was like, well, if I get killed on the job, that's double indemnity.
Guest:So that's going to take care of my wife for a good long time.
Guest:so that's just the way it is so oh really and she's and she's looking at me and just nodding like yeah if if he gets killed we really win the lottery yeah that's so weird you got to find a walking buddy what a strange way to start your day like all right let's go into the war zone if we get killed things are fine how far into the city was it though i mean it was a plant yeah it was a plant um i don't remember going over very much i mean i might have gone over once i'm almost done with my ice cream dude
Marc:i'm sorry i mean you can go start on that other pint if you want i can't i gotta have a conversation here no i um so what do you mean you never went over it was right there you didn't go to juarez for the fun for the you know for the guy you buy chiclets there was a bridge i have no memories of juarez i remember going there was very young you walk over a bridge and there was some kid with a cup underneath the bridge on a stick right and he'd catch money
Guest:In high school, there were a lot of kids that went over just to party.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Because, you know, you can drop $10 over there and get wasted and then walk back across the bridge.
Marc:Without your wallet or any of the other money or a memory of what happened.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:And if you don't get killed, great.
Marc:But it wasn't as bad, it doesn't seem to me, before this drug nonsense.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, it's...
Guest:My whole thing was I wouldn't go just because I was like, I could get drunk on this side of the border.
Guest:And if things go wrong, the worst thing that'll happen is I'll get a minor in possession ticket.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But yeah, I'll drink in my friend's garage.
Guest:Like I don't need to go clubbing.
Guest:I don't need to be in a dance club.
Guest:Like if I want booze, I'm going to drink it for the booze.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I'm still that way.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'll hang out at a bar all night and talk to somebody, but it's just conversation is all I'm in it for.
Marc:Oh, right.
Marc:You'll drink at home.
Marc:When you drink, you drink focused and in quantity without sharing and no conversation.
Guest:Sit down with a bottle and go.
Guest:It's time for another shot.
Marc:But the idea of that, of like, you know, getting a DUI or maybe get, well, you might get in an accident and kill yourself.
Marc:But I mean, to drink on this side and get busted, you're going to spend a night in jail.
Marc:You drink on that side and get busted.
Marc:Who the fuck knows what's going to happen?
Guest:Right.
Guest:And while I was in high school, there were a lot of rumors about, you know, the Juarez police force trying to tighten down.
Guest:So you shouldn't bribe them anymore because if they don't take the bribe, they'll take you to jail.
Guest:Jesus.
Guest:And, you know, for years it was like, oh yeah, just give them $20.
Guest:You're good.
Guest:Did anyone really do that?
Guest:My dad bribed his way out of a few tickets.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They just take the money.
Guest:They just take the money.
Guest:And the other thing is you're not allowed to have knives there.
Guest:And my dad is, you know, he's a country boy from Indiana.
Marc:I bet you're going to say he's a knife wizard.
Guest:He carries several knives with him.
Guest:And if there's ever a problem, he can- My dad's a knife thrower who works for General Motors.
Guest:And-
Guest:But he always carried a pocket knife, and it's just a small pocket knife that any man in America might carry, but that's illegal there.
Guest:They will confiscate it and bad things will happen.
Guest:Do you carry a pocket knife?
Marc:No.
Marc:Do you have one now?
Marc:No.
Marc:I guess you answered the question in the first one, but I was already in my mind.
Marc:I was one-headed.
Marc:One more question.
Marc:I wanted you to have one.
Marc:Have one now.
Marc:Pull it out and we can examine knives here.
Marc:Well, you said men carry pocket knives.
Marc:I think there was a time when I was a kid where I carried a pocket knife.
Guest:Yeah, I think there was too.
Marc:That shit's behind me now.
Guest:Trying to be like my dad, I guess.
Guest:So he still carries a pocket knife?
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:What kind?
Guest:I think it's a buck.
Marc:yeah sure a buck yeah like a larger buck like no he has to no gut an animal pretty small yeah small just in case he needs to slice something open or just unscrew something right whatever just to have it real practical is it an old one like well worn like yeah like if he loses the pocket he's got a sharpening kit sure he sits there and rubs it he's into it yeah a little oil yeah yeah the strap yeah oh he's got the strap too no shit he's into all of it because he comes from indiana
Guest:Well, I think his dad did it.
Guest:Just passed on.
Guest:Just utility.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:I understand that completely.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Now I'm rethinking my choice not to carry one.
Marc:I just don't think I'd use it much, really.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Well, I mean, they also didn't have iPhones and iPads and whatnot.
Guest:So, I mean, we have new technology that we rely on now.
Guest:I can't cut anything with that.
Marc:I mean, if I were to try to unscrew something.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Cut some meat.
Marc:You can't cut an animal with an iPhone.
Guest:I remember my dad opening mail with his pocket knife.
Guest:But, I mean, who gets mail anymore?
Guest:It's all electronic.
Marc:Yeah, we're fucked.
Marc:We can't even be men anymore.
Marc:We can't be men with knives unless it's a sport or a costume.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, unless you're a Comic-Con or something.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:My view of masculinity is more intellectually based.
Marc:Yeah, you're a smart guy.
Marc:I was listening to the record.
Marc:I listened to most of your records just before.
Marc:Thanks.
Marc:Yeah, I probably got through 40, 44 minutes of it.
Marc:Yeah, maybe.
Marc:How much more is there?
Marc:Not much.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I wanted to make the album 40 minutes.
Guest:Like, that's what I wanted to keep it to, because that's what records were.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And that's what, you know, for me, the classic comedy tradition was.
Guest:Yeah, two sides.
Guest:And yeah, and it's done.
Guest:And plus, I think people's attention spans are shorter now.
Marc:Sadly, I think they demand too much out of us.
Marc:Yeah, I do too.
Marc:I just want to be a reasonable amount of time, 40 minutes, like a record.
Marc:No, it has to be an hour 10.
Marc:You've got 80 on there.
Marc:You've got to fill that fucker.
Marc:And if you want to put some secret stuff on, we can do it.
Marc:Yeah, we want that for our $10 too.
Guest:I mean, then they expect you to do another one in six months.
Marc:That's fucking ridiculous.
Guest:Well, and my thing too is I always thought it was important to have something...
Guest:Like I didn't feel like a record should just be like here's a great joke.
Guest:Here's a great joke There's a great joke and stack them up like that right I felt like shouldn't there be kind of a beginning a middle and an end shouldn't there be some sort of flow to it Maybe tell me I miss the end threads like I'm sitting here.
Guest:I'm hanging on a thread.
Guest:How does the CD end?
Guest:I mean, the final bit does kind of reflect on... Because you call back all the other things?
Guest:Not necessarily callbacks, just a matter of... Oh, you got me.
Marc:I have to fight the urge to stop this interview to go listen to the rest of your city.
Guest:Yeah, you look like you're really anxious to go do that.
Marc:Well, it's mixed.
Marc:It's like, I could do that.
Marc:I could grab the other pint.
Guest:It's going to be disappointing, too.
Guest:You're going to go and listen to it right now and come back and go, yeah, I don't think you really achieved what you wanted to.
Marc:No, I would never do that.
Marc:It sounds like all your jokes are very tight, and you've done them over and over again, and you've honed your fucking craft, and you're a joke guy that's got a point of view.
Marc:Thanks.
Marc:Well, that's all I could ask for.
Guest:Did that sound good?
Guest:Yeah, I'm going to use that soundbite forever.
Guest:That's going in the press kit, Mark.
Guest:Put it on your next CD.
Guest:You can put this whole episode on the secret side of your next CD.
Guest:It is a thing that, you know, there are people that understand there's kind of an intellectual versus emotional thing happening throughout the album.
Guest:And if they refuse to identify the intellectual part of it, they just go, oh, this is crass and loathsome and dirty and awful.
Marc:Well, you talk about that on the CD that you're provoking people.
Marc:You're like one of those guys.
Marc:You're a button pusher.
Marc:The charming button pusher.
Marc:You and Jezelnik, who you know, right?
Marc:He was my roommate.
Marc:See, what did you guys do?
Marc:Make some sort of pact with Satan to fuck with people's heads for the rest of your life?
Guest:Well, I was in San Francisco and just working on my thing, developing it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I moved to LA and somebody said, hey, do you know this Anthony Jeselnik guy?
Guest:And I was kind of like, yeah, I mean, kind of.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I think I saw him on premium blend.
Guest:They're like, yeah, you guys are identical.
Guest:And I was like, no, I don't think we're identical.
Guest:And then we found out we had the same managers and then we went to Aspen the same year.
Marc:You didn't know you had the same managers?
Yeah.
Guest:No, I mean, I was pretty new to LA.
Guest:I got a manager and then a month later lived here.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But yeah, I mean, people always wanted to compare us.
Guest:And he even sat there one day when we were living together and went, you know, you wear a suit on stage.
Guest:I really should have gone that extra level.
Guest:He said, I should have really been that cocky.
Marc:Well, he does.
Marc:He's slower and more deliberate.
Marc:You seem to, you know, he's sort of locked into a character that has its own demonic charm, whereas you sell it.
Guest:you're not going to sit there and wait for them to come to you you're going to demand that they do and if they don't they're stupid but not stupid in a bad way they just maybe don't understand themselves well I figure we've kind of set up an agreement in the comedy club like you've paid to be here and now I'm going to give you a show I'm not going to pull punches I'm not going to like if the crowd isn't with me I'm never going to be like sit down on the stool and go you guys fucking suck
Guest:Like, I'm never going to do that.
Guest:No, I'm going to fight and push and push.
Marc:You've never done that.
Marc:I've done that.
Marc:It's a great feeling.
Guest:I've done it.
Marc:And you just sit alone up there for a minute.
Marc:You're like, really?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:You fucking this is bullshit.
Marc:I was in that weird silence.
Guest:I was in Winnipeg, Canada.
Marc:Enough said.
Marc:I know.
Marc:I don't want to judge.
Marc:Had a good time up there.
Guest:I had a very rough time.
Guest:I don't think Canadians like mean humor.
Marc:Winnipeg, I did the festival.
Marc:That is a city that's been beaten by wind.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Everything is cracking and weathered.
Marc:And they get like two weeks where the thaw happens.
Guest:Well, and they kind of...
Guest:Like they weren't really on board with me for the first few shows and wouldn't even like clap when I was brought to the stage.
Guest:Really?
Guest:And so at like the third show, and by the way, I did two weeks.
Guest:So this is, we're into the first week.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:First couple of days.
Guest:And I was like, guys, you guys don't seem that excited for the show at all.
Guest:Like I could be anybody and you wouldn't be excited.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Like I haven't even said anything yet and you're already not clapping.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And this one guy said, well, we just assume that if you're performing here, you must not be very good.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:And I thought that was the best thing that could have been said.
Guest:I was like, well, I can't battle your self-esteem.
Guest:Like, I'm never going to win against that.
Guest:So that's a weight off my shoulders.
Guest:Let's just push ahead with the show then.
Guest:And again, yeah, absolutely.
Guest:They were very on board with that idea of, yeah, we don't feel good about this place and you're not going to make us feel good.
Guest:And what's weird is I do talk- So that's off the table.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Not trying to make you feel good.
Guest:And yeah, your city sucks.
Marc:So let's just try to deal with the guts of the laughter now.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Now I'll tell jokes that don't have to do with those two things.
Guest:And we'll see if you like those.
Guest:Deal?
Guest:Is that where you first started talking to the audience like that?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Or is that that's always kind of been in there again?
Guest:It's that agreement like you guys wanted to be here, right?
Guest:So right, I'm just and I've crafted this thing that you have no idea where it's going.
Guest:So just relax and let the surprises come.
Marc:But I think that diplomacy comes from like, you know, spending years on the road with audiences that don't know who the fuck you are.
Guest:That's exactly what it is because I'm so jealous of comics that get kind of famous before they have to headline.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like I was headlining before I ever got on TV.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But it was for, you know, half filled rooms.
Marc:You said TV like you're from the UK or Canada before I ever got on TV.
Guest:On TV.
Marc:It's weird.
Marc:Okay, go ahead.
Guest:On the television.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:On TV, I think it comes up.
Marc:TV.
Marc:Not TV.
Marc:Yeah, it's weird.
Marc:Did you spend time in Scotland?
Guest:I had a girlfriend who would say it like that, and it always annoyed the hell out of me, and then I started doing it, I think.
Guest:You fucking glommed her twitch.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, I hate glomming twitches.
Marc:It's bad.
Marc:You're glomming quirks.
Marc:You're a quirk glommer.
Marc:We all are.
Marc:I hope not.
Marc:I hope not.
Marc:No, I can't help it.
Marc:Some part of you is missing and it's constantly looking to be defined.
Marc:You spend enough time with people and all of a sudden you're doing their thing.
Marc:You might as well not have a personality anymore.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You're just an extension of them.
Guest:We're all just brains floating around in these bodies.
Marc:Sure, you're just- Mirroring stuff.
Marc:You're a prosthetic that they've been engaged to.
Marc:There's no hope, anybody.
Marc:Kept their meads in it.
Marc:You're like a giant fork for them to eat emotionally.
Guest:Nobody's an individual anymore.
Guest:Nothing.
Guest:If you're listening to this, kill yourself because it's over.
Marc:Yeah, wait a minute.
Marc:We want to hear more from you.
Guest:All right, so there you are, fighting it out, no TV, on the road, headliner, doing your... Yeah, just trying to get crowds on my side, and a lot of them are there, and they don't know me, and they don't even know what kind of comedy they like, so it's a lot of...
Marc:you know you have to take a stand i feel like and be like this is the way it is and this is the way it's going to go everybody you have to learn to be a leader essentially it is true and and also in order to do comedy that's not you don't i think the real problem with doing the road and certainly as much as you've done it before you got any sort of uh traction or tv is that a lot of guys just become the road they become the expectations of what they've decided those audiences want yeah and it's a fucking disaster right
Marc:You know, the guys that do a lot of road time but still hold on to their own voice, that's a miraculous thing.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Because how many guys have you talked to, it's sort of like, you can't get away with that shit here.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's like, but yeah, you can.
Guest:Yeah, you can, because you're in charge.
Guest:You tell them what they're going to like.
Guest:Don't sit back and wait for them to tell you.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So I'm in Winnipeg and things are going poorly.
Guest:And I did have that one Friday night show.
Guest:It's Friday night.
Guest:It's sold out.
Guest:But you learn later it's a benefit for something.
Guest:And these people have never been to it.
Guest:Like I actually pulled the room.
Guest:I was like, round of applause if this is your first time at a comedy club.
Guest:And like 75% of the room clapped.
Guest:That could be good.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But I had been just bombing my face off.
Guest:For a week.
Marc:For what?
Marc:Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday?
Marc:Well, no.
Guest:Those other shows I battled my way through and end up winning.
Guest:But this Friday night show sold out and I'm fighting and fighting and fighting and just getting nowhere.
Guest:And it's like a thing of, see guys, that's a joke that is intellectually correct and it makes you feel emotionally bad.
Guest:I get that.
Guest:But do you see that, how that works?
Guest:And now the second joke is intellectually correct but makes you feel bad.
Guest:So we're on board.
Guest:That's kind of the thing that's happening.
Guest:And they're just shaking their heads going, no, we're not going to hop on board for that at all.
Guest:We don't like to feel bad.
Guest:look where we live we feel bad enough yeah and i started to note that too like if i go to philadelphia yeah and talk down to them yeah they they sit back in their chair and they go who's this fool talking down to us this is great yeah this is amazing because they actually feel good about themselves about their city yeah that it's like okay so if you give them shit it's a certain sort of regional like philly you've got well you got to keep the upper hand you better be pissing on them in a in a confident way right right
Marc:Right.
Marc:You take a shot and go, oh, I'm sorry.
Guest:And they'll eat you alive.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I think just generally you walk onto stage wearing a suit and people go, okay, well, I guess this is going to be something.
Guest:This guy's in charge of something.
Guest:People approach me all the time just thinking that I know what's going on just because I'm dressed a certain way.
Guest:You wear a suit all the time.
Guest:Well, I mean... No, but you've committed to that.
Marc:When you're doing a professional show, you wear a suit and tie.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Not always the tie, but sometimes.
Marc:Because when I first saw you, I mean, I think I saw you do maybe a few minutes.
Marc:I didn't get the whole Ryan Stout experience.
Marc:No.
Marc:Like, in my mind, maybe you're like, yeah, he's too attractive.
Marc:He's got shit together.
Marc:He can't be a comedian with any real assault.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Well, that's been a problem too.
Marc:Gotta judge you.
Guest:People look at the way I look and the way I carry myself and think, all right, well, screw this guy.
Guest:He doesn't need any help.
Guest:He doesn't need anything.
Guest:He's not a victim of anything.
Guest:He's got it all figured out.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's like, no, that's pretty much a defense mechanism from childhood that I can walk around and be like, you know, as a kid, I was rarely called by my name by some of my peers.
Guest:Like it was just white boy all the time.
Guest:Like I really did grow up as a minority.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So wait, it's all Latino, all Mexican.
Guest:Not all.
Guest:I mean, there were, there were other white kids around, but, uh, went to public school.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Fuck.
Guest:Well, I went to private school the first like two, three years.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And then they didn't want you here.
Guest:And then, uh, I think my parents had another kid and didn't want to pay for me to go to private school.
Marc:You don't know if you have a brother or sister?
Guest:No.
Guest:I mean, I think that's the reason that I didn't continue.
Marc:How many are there stouts?
Guest:I've got one little brother and an older half brother from my dad's first marriage.
Guest:No kidding.
Guest:He's a genius.
Guest:He is.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He works.
Guest:Your dad or the other guy?
Guest:uh my dad both my parents are members of mensa are they really but they won't they don't attend the meetings because they find it to be a very snooty affair i bet what do you do at a mensa meeting uh yeah i think they talk about like their iq scores they're both men they try to show off that they're smart and my parents don't dig that at all what what's your mother's uh business she was an accountant forever
Marc:A Mensa accountant?
Guest:Well, she worked for Fisher Body, which is what my dad worked for.
Guest:And then Fisher Body got bought by General Motors.
Marc:How do Mensa people end up in the automotive industry?
Marc:I mean, how do they know they're in Mensa?
Marc:Just because of the numbers or what?
Guest:Yeah, just because of IQ scores.
Guest:Do you know your IQ score?
Guest:I don't know my fucking IQ score.
Guest:Is there a way we can do that online?
Guest:Probably, but it's probably false.
Guest:I see interviews with people who are like, yeah, I do IQ tests online all the time and I'm a genius.
Guest:And I'm like, you're a porn star.
Guest:You're a porn star who does a lot of IQ tests.
Guest:That's who you are.
Marc:You can take away their belief system.
Marc:Doesn't mean you're a genius.
Marc:Why do you got to rob people of their gods?
Marc:It's my favorite thing to do.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So you grew up in El Paso and like, what year was this?
Marc:Was it like when I grew up, it was, I was able to see the shift from the disco feathered haircut to the cholo movement.
Marc:When I was in high school, they went from leather jackets and platform shoes to flannel shirts, buttoned at the top, swicked back hair and chinos.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Right.
Marc:That was a big change.
Guest:That was still kind of around.
Marc:The Cholo?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But it was interesting because in the white side, you went from disco to New Wave.
Marc:And then there was always the freaks.
Marc:They had their section.
Marc:But the Latino dudes, I saw it happen.
Marc:See you later, platform shoes.
Marc:Here we go.
Marc:We're wearing the bandana right over our fucking eyes.
Guest:Well, that's the weird thing that growing up in a desert that's in the middle of nowhere.
Guest:Like, it was seven or eight hours to Phoenix, 11 to Denver, 9 to San Antonio.
Guest:Like, there were no other major cities around, so it got culturally influenced by very little.
Guest:It was pretty much... They just watched what was on TV, and then if it was being sold at a major retailer like JCPenney or The Gap or something like that.
Guest:Wear that shit.
Guest:That just got... Yeah, you did that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But it wasn't...
Marc:like music like bands weren't really stopping through there a lot because it's out of the way well i was surprised when i was growing up there was uh i lived in albuquerque and there was a really big jewish community in el paso for some reason pretty big and the jews from el paso would come up to albuquerque for like jewish youth things and so i knew a bunch of jews in el paso i knew i knew el paso jews i did i knew a few too right and just a handful though i mean yeah i mean that's enough i mean it's el paso yeah so it was you and the jewish kids
Guest:Well, from from kindergarten through probably sixth grade, my best friend was always black.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Because it was like, OK, yeah, it's us.
Guest:And there's I guess we'll bond.
Marc:We'll be together.
Marc:We're in the Alamo.
Marc:They were that exclusionary.
Marc:I mean, you couldn't get by.
Marc:Did you learn how to speak any Spanish or anything?
Guest:I tried.
Guest:I tried really hard.
Guest:I mean, academically, I was always pretty good.
Guest:And teachers were always like, Ryan, your pronunciation's excellent.
Guest:Don't let the kids tease you.
Guest:They're just making fun of you to make fun of you.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But it grew to be too much.
Guest:And I was like, yeah, I'm just never speaking Spanish around Latino kids because they'll just break my balls, even if I pronounce it exactly the way I should.
Marc:So your spirit got crushed.
Marc:A little bit.
Marc:And because of that, you're not bilingual and you're mad at crowds.
Guest:And my little brother, my little brother is bilingual.
Guest:Good for him.
Guest:Do you get along better with the Latinos?
Guest:Well, he found a different way in, and that is he started causing trouble.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so he'd end up in detention with other troublemaking Latino kids.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And so if you're a kid and you're going to make fun of that white kid, well, all his friends are like gangbangers.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So you don't want to do that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So he kind of got by and never got really made fun of.
Guest:And even to this day, like a lot of his friends are Latino.
Guest:He lives in Austin and they'll go out as a group, as a crew.
Guest:And they're like, oh yeah, Kevin's a white beaner.
Guest:Don't even worry about it.
Guest:Like that's how they'll introduce him.
Guest:Really?
Guest:And yeah, he works in a restaurant.
Guest:He talks to all his chefs in Spanish.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:And his chefs have a nickname for him.
Guest:They call him Panson.
Marc:Which means?
Guest:Fat man.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Is he fat?
Guest:Yeah, he's a bigger kid, but he's the guy in charge, so I think he gets that a little bit.
Marc:So this is your little brother.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Your blood brother.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Full on.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And you guys couldn't be more different.
Guest:Yeah, and I've talked to...
Guest:I talked to a therapist about a little bit and he was like, Ryan, you probably protected your little brother a little bit from that stuff.
Guest:Like kids who were making fun of him for his skin color.
Guest:You were probably like, yeah, Kevin, don't listen to them because they're just, you know, picking on you.
Guest:Like the stuff that were you was I defending him?
Guest:Yeah, I think I was in a lot of ways.
Guest:I don't I don't remember doing it.
Guest:But you'd like to believe it.
Guest:I mean, I'd like to believe it.
Guest:And I know there were instances of like just growing up, like if my parents were fighting, like telling my brother, like, yeah, don't worry about it.
Guest:They're just, they're just angry right now, but it's not, it doesn't mean anything.
Marc:But when the Latinos did it, you didn't say like, yeah, they don't like me either.
Guest:Kind of.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That's pretty much what it was.
Guest:Right.
Marc:The one thing I remember about growing up in the Southwest, though, that a lot of people don't necessarily grow up with, I think Texas is the same, is that I saw a lot of guns around.
Marc:Yeah, my dad's got a lot of guns.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:I mean, there were just guns around.
Marc:Like in high school, I remember the kid who said, come here, let me show you this.
Marc:And he had a fucking 38.
Marc:And I'm like, great.
Marc:What happens now?
Marc:We done with the show and tell?
Marc:Because I'd like to get out of this room.
Marc:Right.
Marc:I remember being shot at.
Marc:Ooh.
Marc:But not at me, but just cars.
Marc:There were just kids with their parents' guns.
Oh, my God.
Marc:Just drove around like my buddy's car got just like someone should put a bullet in his door for nothing.
Marc:And then one time I was going to a George Thorogood concert and we were fucking around just teenagers in the car with some other car, another carload of dudes.
Marc:And we're just, who knows what was going on.
Marc:It was, we, I don't know.
Marc:When did you get your driver's license?
Marc:I was 16.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:We get a 15, 16 in the Southwest.
Marc:So we're just kids driving around fucking with other people in cars.
Marc:And sure enough, these guys come up and a gun came out the window.
Marc:We're like, fuck.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But it wasn't unusual.
Yeah.
Guest:I grew up with guns pretty early on, like my dad and his buddy Dick McGill.
Guest:Yeah, that's a good name for a gun owner.
Guest:Dick McGill is Johnny Cash in my mind.
Guest:He was a guy's guy, always just sipping Michelob.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Like, yeah, let's go out to the desert and shoot some ducks.
Guest:Let's go.
Guest:Where was he from, Texas?
Guest:I don't know where Dick was from.
Guest:But this was in Texas.
Guest:He had a wife named Sue.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:So that's Dick and Sue McGill.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Perfect.
Guest:Were they swingers?
Guest:They sound like they might be swingers.
Marc:Nah.
Marc:Not to my knowledge.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I was a kid.
Marc:They never said anything to me.
Marc:They were swingers?
Marc:Dick McGill and Sue McGill?
Marc:Dick and Sue.
Marc:You ever seen those pictures on swinger sites or photographs and they just look like those people that you would never assume just country music fans?
Marc:Oddly enough, I've never been to a swinger site.
Marc:I don't know if I saw it on a site or they were just pictures of swingers in a book.
Marc:I think it was a book, but they're just like trailer people.
Marc:I'm like, oh my God, of course that makes sense.
Marc:Oh yeah, they have nothing better to do.
Marc:They're going to hang out and fuck each other.
Guest:And now let's fuck somebody else.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Cool.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Can we come over to your trailer?
Marc:But, you know, it's all sort of, you know, codified and it's something like sexy.
Marc:But it's not.
Marc:It's just like.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It's people just trying to come.
Marc:Yep.
Marc:Fucking someone's wife wearing a Confederate hat.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:gross and i've watched some terrible awful things online like there was a a time in college where my friends and i we would just email each other links to terrible things no i know i've been through that eventually just sort of like i think my i think my brain will never be the same i have to stop and it won't it won't no and and i think i got to the point where it's like yeah i won't look at anything anymore no because i've i've seen enough and um i've had enough
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's only going to grow and get worse and worse and worse.
Marc:Sort of like the internet porn version of the thousand yard stare.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like, you know, I've been in, um, you know, yeah.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Post-traumatic stress from being assaulting yourself with bad porn.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, what can't you get out of there?
Marc:What'd you put in your head that you can't get out?
Guest:there was uh yeah and mostly it's it's pornographic stuff that was sent like uh one of our favorite videos was this this guy nailing this girl from behind and you're like oh she's pretty nice nice breast whatnot and then she rolls over dick and it was like oh the timing of that was so perfect so perfect and now you feel ashamed for liking it or whatever and uh well
Marc:that's something you got to reckon with in yourself.
Marc:I mean, you were just, you were fooled for a minute and you probably kind of, you know, it made you confused for a second.
Marc:And that's what we were going for.
Guest:Right.
Guest:With each other.
Guest:We're just trying to send each other.
Marc:How'd that make you feel?
Marc:Who are you?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But none of the really nasty stuff.
Marc:I mean, I got, when I was before the internet, there was a, we used to deal with videotapes that went around and,
Marc:that guy shooting himself at that press conference.
Marc:Right, the politician.
Marc:Yeah, the treasurer from, what is his name, Dwyer, I think his name was, Bud Dwyer or something.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And that took a while to get out of my head because I put it in there anytime people would come over.
Marc:Dude, have you seen the- Have you seen this?
Marc:Yeah, you gotta see this.
Guest:The amount of blood that came out the nose was something that stuck in my head because I was like, yeah, I guess that would happen.
Guest:Yeah, sure.
Guest:You'd shatter everything in between your- Nothing else to hold the blood in there.
Guest:That is where it would come out.
Guest:gravity wise like and that's a problem too because i'll sit and watch these things and analyze and have no emotional response it's all intellectual yeah you've killed it's all like oh yeah yeah you've killed your heart and that's exactly why my act is the way it is because it's like yeah this is this and i have no emotion left yeah i'll watch the news and terrible things come on the news you know four kids died and the first thought is not oh that's terrible the first thought is all right what happened
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What'd they do?
Marc:Or how can I make it a joke?
Guest:Who did what?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Flesh us out.
Guest:I was sitting with my buddy, Brett.
Guest:I've known Brett since I was in high school.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He moved to San Francisco and then he lives down here now.
Guest:And we're sitting around and I was talking about, Brett, I'm trying to make a joke about this thing.
Guest:This fallen soldier's mother was crying over his casket when he got returned from Iraq.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:and i'm just trying to make it this thing and we just repeated the phrase a fallen soldier's mother okay wait so a fallen soldier's mother a fallen soldier's mother and it's just it got to a point where it was coming out with this rhythm like so two guys walk into a bar that's where we're starting two guys walk into a bar and there's no connection between what we're trying to do or where we're trying to go and how we feel but nobody nobody said why are we making a joke out of this
Guest:At some point it did come up, but I was like, let's ignore that, but let's keep focusing because this is going somewhere.
Marc:But do you have the same thing Jeselnik does, which is a sort of like, I want to do jokes that are going to provoke people to wonder whether or not they're right or wrong.
Guest:I take a little bit of a different take because I want them to laugh, but I want it to be for a very logical reason.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I want them to say, yes, intellectually, I can't deny that's funny.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But I think he's he's just a little more mean and shocking about it at times.
Guest:Whereas I kind of I can't justify that.
Marc:Right.
Marc:So you're you're about you're about logic and then about framing things.
Marc:So, yeah, I like the the N word bit is really funny.
Marc:And this stuff about, you know, I took issue with not you, but I like the way you talked about how, you know, don't you know, you shouldn't do jokes about rape.
Marc:It's like that wasn't about that wasn't a rape joke.
Guest:No, it's about dieting.
Guest:Yeah, it's just.
Guest:And oddly enough, after that bit, the diet bit, I actually don't like explaining it to the crowd.
Guest:Because I felt like as an artist, you should just do the bit and let it stand on its own.
Guest:A poet never has to explain the poem.
Marc:You just put it out there.
Marc:Yeah, but a lot of people don't understand poetry.
Guest:Yeah, you would have to actually get out a dictionary and study the words and things like that.
Marc:They don't apply logic.
Marc:Like with modern poetry, it's not necessarily logic.
Marc:It's about pictures and images.
Marc:You follow a structure.
Guest:It's about finding like capturing some emotional essence just a little bit.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I didn't like explaining it to the crowd, but I would take too much shit if I didn't explain it to the crowd.
Guest:People and even even people that have reviewed the CD currently are like, yeah, he's doing this awful rape joke.
Guest:And I'm like, all right.
Guest:I even told you on the disc it wasn't a rape joke.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You know, people who just heard that the CD has a rape joke and like the comment section is like, I don't care how funny his rape joke is.
Guest:He's basically just culturally pushing us towards a culture of rape.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He's making it acceptable.
Guest:You like you haven't even heard the bit.
Marc:yeah would you at least listen to the bit what that well that's just well that's an example and by the way i think it might be a good time to uh to put a plug in for the record ryan's newest cd is uh called touche yeah yeah and uh i some people tell me i ought to play bits by comics on the show and i think why not let them go do their own work yeah go buy the cd go buy it that would that would help me a lot the track you can go buy the track yeah
Guest:you know yeah it's called a new diet yeah and you can listen to that right now yeah and you can buy the n-word track for 99 cents yeah yeah we'll wait and just buy the full cd well that but that to me is like that's that's great satire i mean swiftian you know if i can drop some fucking words i've that's something that i've tried to emulate actually
Guest:The modest proposal.
Guest:It's amazing that you bring that up because of all my bits, that's the one that I relate most to a modest proposal because I read a modest proposal in high school soon after I bought George Carlin's back in town.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I heard George's voice saying the words off the page.
Guest:And that was very helpful to me.
Guest:So we're partway into the piece in English class.
Guest:And I am like doubled over and like tears are running down my face because I think it's hysterical that somebody would ever say, yeah, we could solve all these problems if we could just eat babies.
Guest:Now hear me out.
Guest:Come on now.
Guest:Just listen to me before you get emotional.
Guest:We can make the skin into gloves and one baby will feed this many people and we'll get rid of crime.
Guest:And it was such a logical, methodical thing.
Guest:And of course, there were other people in the class going, this is terrible.
Guest:This is disgusting.
Guest:I'm like, he's joking.
Guest:He's joking.
Guest:And so there were like five of us in a class of 30, and 25 of them are going, no, no, no.
Marc:But I can understand on some level how someone viscerally would not find that funny, but he was trying to make a point.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And I think you do that on your CDs.
Marc:Okay, see what you just did?
Marc:You laughed at that, and you might not have understood.
Marc:And those of you who didn't laugh at it didn't get the point.
Marc:That the basic...
Marc:the, the nuts and bolts of satire has been kind of shattered because there's so much shit.
Marc:It's hard to tell what's real and what isn't real or what, you know, what standard you're trying to make and whether or not, you know, everything has the same, uh, intellectual value now for some reason.
Guest:Right.
Marc:It's weird.
Marc:There is a level for me.
Marc:You can't, you can't satirize a culture that is so fucking ridiculous.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That it's almost impossible to find irony.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And the people you're satirizing sit there and don't understand that you're satirizing them.
Marc:Yeah, they take everything at face value.
Guest:And then they're like, oh, okay.
Marc:Yeah, they're shallow.
Guest:I was trying to make fun of those yellow Livestrong bracelets, you know, back in 2004.
Guest:And I realized like, wow, I'm doing a great job at this, but everybody in the audience is wearing one of these and they are not understanding this.
Guest:That I don't believe them.
Guest:You're not supporting cancer.
Guest:You bought that for $14 off of eBay so that you could wear it as a fashion statement.
Guest:And bright yellow.
Guest:How modest of you.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But even the idea that they're helping cancer by buying it at all is on some level ridiculous.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Why don't you just donate the money?
Marc:Right.
Marc:What are you going to celebrate it for?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You tag yourself as somebody with a conscience.
Guest:And that's what I was saying is bright yellow.
Guest:You're going to tag yourself with a bright yellow.
Guest:How about, you know, just something...
Guest:Something less noticeable.
Marc:Yeah, I mean, I think that the type of comedy you're doing is rare now, and it's good.
Marc:Thanks, man.
Marc:But you don't do politics, really.
Guest:I don't because, well, first of all, I'm kind of, I'll be honest with you, I'm pretty fiscally conservative in a lot of ways.
Guest:I mean, my dad is a numbers guy engineer, and my mom's a numbers lady.
Marc:Right, so you don't care about poor people.
Guest:Yeah, that's how it goes.
Yeah.
Guest:I really truthfully just like, especially with comics, I don't understand how like we're in a business where you can fight and be in poverty for 20 years and then make two million dollars.
Guest:But politically, you're arguing that you should be in the highest tax bracket.
Guest:And so the government's going to take a huge chunk of that two million dollars.
Guest:Whereas in my head, I'm like, no, that's severance pay for you working really hard for 20 years.
Guest:Shouldn't you get paid off for that?
Guest:Yeah, we don't need streets.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I mean, you certainly should pay something, but the government as is doesn't take your prior income into consideration.
Guest:I learned that from my very first TV check was something really small.
Guest:It was like $5,000.
Guest:And that had to last you two years.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Well, I worked on this thing for like three months and I got five grand.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And once I got the check in my hands, it was for 2777.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I had to give $500 to my agent and $500 to my manager.
Guest:So I had $1,777 for three months of work.
Marc:Welcome to the system.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Welcome to the system.
Marc:And I was like, this doesn't work at all for some reason.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Well, then there are those moments.
Marc:It's like, what am I paying the manager for?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, I got this.
Marc:And then it's like, do I really need this other guy?
Marc:And then the government, you sort of take that for granted and wonder where that's going to go.
Marc:But I mean, there's social security.
Marc:I don't want to get into a political conversation.
Marc:I understand your point.
Guest:Well, and socially, even both my parents, really socially liberal.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:Like very much like, yeah, what do I care?
Guest:I was even sitting with my grandfather who is voted Republican just based on finances forever.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And yeah, I mean, he was a Democrat for a long time.
Guest:And then he said, every time I vote a Democrat, they would just take my money.
Guest:And so I had to turn.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I'm sitting there with him and I don't know this guy that well.
Guest:And we've just spent two days, just the two of us.
Guest:Your grandfather?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How do you not know him?
Guest:Is he your father's father?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I grew up in Texas.
Guest:He was in Indiana.
Guest:So even when we would be around each other, I would be a kid and he's an adult and we're surrounded by other people.
Guest:We're not having meaningful conversations.
Guest:No, but you have a grandfather.
Marc:Right.
Guest:You have a relationship.
Guest:Finally, I'm an adult and I'm hanging out with my grandfather.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And it's just the two of us.
Mm-hmm.
Guest:And it conversation not getting not getting really deep, really.
Guest:And then the last day that I was there, he's just looking at me and it's quiet.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He won't have the TV on radio.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he just says, what do you think about all these gays wanting to get married?
Guest:And I was like, I don't want to get into this with him the last day that I'm here.
Guest:I don't want to.
Guest:He's going to be dead.
Guest:Why do I need to fight this fight?
Guest:And so I just kind of deflected and I was like, well, you know, I think it's going to bring a lot of money into the California economy.
Guest:You went with a political argument?
Guest:I just went with, well, this is a good thing that can happen that fits with your ideas about money.
Guest:And he's just got his two fingers against the side of his face and he's got his arms kind of crossed a little bit and he's just shaking his head now at me.
Guest:And then he goes,
Guest:I don't know why anybody cares.
Guest:And I was like, oh, you're that libertarian.
Guest:That's who you are.
Guest:You don't want anybody to do anything that affects your life and you don't want to affect anybody else's.
Marc:And that's pretty much where you're at.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Do you think that has anything to do with your emotional numbness?
Guest:A lot.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The fact that I don't immediately empathize with people.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The fact that like something had to go wrong someplace.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I think, too, like my point is for me, capitalism isn't about money.
Guest:Capitalism is about passion.
Guest:And if you work a terrible job and you go into that terrible job that you never wanted for 20 years and then all of a sudden you don't have the job anymore.
Guest:Like my question is, well, what else were you doing?
Guest:Like if you're working that job eight hours a day for 20 years, what were you doing with the other time?
Guest:Like, didn't you have any passion that you wanted to explore and turn into something and fight for?
Guest:Maybe not.
Marc:That might be a little shallow too.
Marc:I mean, some people in the old style model of things is like a job is a job.
Marc:If you like it enough, you're lucky.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But, you know, but your focus is like, you know, I'm saving up for the boat.
Marc:And so me and my wife, I got the kids on the boat and I go spend this time with the kids.
Marc:I got the little league team.
Marc:Believe it or not, Ryan, some people have families that they enjoy being with.
Marc:I believe that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And that is their passion.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Can't begrudge them.
Marc:And they actually have probably a healthier outlook on work and a healthier idea of what loyalty is and what they deserve from work.
Marc:Because they've worked for their family and it's just a job.
Marc:It's not who they are.
Marc:Right, and they're not sitting there going, God damn it, I wish I was a fucking artist.
Marc:They might be, but maybe they're grown up enough to realize, hey, I can still paint on weekends when my kids aren't fucking with my paints.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, the careers in entertainment that we've chosen and plenty of people we know, we're always asking each other, so what are you working on?
Guest:What are you working on?
Guest:And you've always got a job that you're fighting for, a job that you have, and something that you'd really like to do.
Guest:And there's always a new thing that you're trying to create, I guess.
Guest:And so there's there's passion in that.
Guest:And, you know, even if and it doesn't have to be or at the very least compulsion.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Well, the weird thing about and this is speaking to the type of people we are in terms of politics is that, you know, quite honestly, you know, the last job I had.
Marc:That could be considered like a job on in terms of the way real people live was I was a barista in Harvard Square at a pre Starbucks coffee shop.
Marc:Yeah, I didn't like it, but I never thought about making money.
Marc:No, I thought about surviving.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But I never thought about tax brackets.
Marc:I never thought about any of that stuff.
Marc:And I'm not a stingy person.
Marc:And I think I do have empathy.
Marc:And I like to help people out.
Marc:But I don't live in the same world that most people do because of what we do.
Marc:And what you're saying is true is that you go through lean years where you're like, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.
Marc:I haven't got anything.
Marc:I got to borrow money from my mother so I can fill my car up to drive to the middle of nowhere to perform for idiots.
Marc:For $400.
Marc:Yeah, if that.
Marc:Right.
Marc:but you know i was compulsive enough and and apparently stupid enough not to change tracks but like your generation you're a little smarter you're like oh i'm writing the thing i'm on working on this thing i still don't do that shit i don't well i'm not that way like i i don't really have anything coming up right now i did a pilot and i was lucky enough to get that but uh for me it's stand-up and my manager even told me he was like hey man no one's doing that
Guest:anymore if you're gonna have a career in this business you have to sell a show and then sell another show and sell another show you gotta do something waiting around to you know be in line to maybe host something on tv like even though you're okay at it you're good at it well that's not a business plan well no because like what they see and i think it's not illogical is that it's not is that like okay so here's the stand-up thing take a look around how many stand-ups are making a living off of just stand-up and and succeeding in show business there's always about five
Marc:And they've generally got other things going on.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:But if you've got all your eggs in the Brian Regan basket, or the Jim Gaffigan basket, you better stop challenging the audience so much.
Marc:Exactly, exactly.
Marc:You can't be an artist and make a living at this.
Marc:No, I think you can be an artist, but you have to realize that I need to play to a bigger audience.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Well, you can't be an artist and have the same business plan.
Marc:Maybe I shouldn't indulge the thoughts about what if Jesus was aborted.
Yeah.
Marc:Which I used as a premise once too, but you did a much better job with it than me.
Marc:Well, that means a lot.
Marc:Mine ended up with the three kings showing up at a dumpster behind an abortion clinic.
Marc:I mean, that could be tacked on to the end of my joke.
Marc:Sure, it could work.
Marc:Go ahead.
Marc:Yeah, but it's a little messier.
Marc:Yours is clean.
Marc:It is messier.
Marc:And yet you still did establish the unborn fetus.
Marc:as a life.
Guest:Like if you believe that's a life and you believe that's harder than a thing.
Guest:You are conservative.
Guest:I don't have any ideas about like television.
Guest:Like I don't hardly even watch TV.
Guest:So people want a show idea from me and I'm like, okay, how about this?
Guest:And they're like, nah, that'll never work in today's market.
Guest:But don't even think about it.
Marc:Keep doing that.
Marc:Because eventually, you know, if you're in the room with the right people, someone will go like, that's fucking amazing.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So let's talk about this thing, about the empathy thing, because I think that's a cultural thing, and I don't think it's specific to you.
Guest:Do you think it's kind of because of the internet and because of the disconnect and the time we spend looking at a screen rather than each other?
Marc:No, I think it's cultural selfishness.
Marc:I think that we've all, just even having a conversation for an hour is an odd thing, given the ability to avoid it.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And I think that we've become insanely self involved.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And that what are and this is also somewhat of a libertarian thing.
Marc:And I think even a conservative thing in terms of capitalism is like, hey, how do I get ahead?
Marc:Where's mine?
Marc:What do I got to do?
Marc:What work do I got to put in?
Marc:And if I focus on my shit and I get ahead, why the fuck should I give any of that shit up?
Marc:But I think that, you know, everybody sort of feels like, you know, I'm my own world here and I got no time for the rest of the world.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I think part of it just came out of a car culture.
Guest:You get to be in your car.
Guest:It's your own little special world.
Guest:And everybody gets to be in their own world all the time.
Guest:And it started there.
Guest:And then we started being at home more.
Marc:People used to drive to their family's house.
Marc:And maybe we were driving to grandma's.
Marc:So on the way over there, you could be saying...
Marc:Fuck, I don't want to go to grandma's.
Marc:Do we have to go again?
Marc:Do we got to stop and get anything?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And somewhere along the line, at some point, someone said, you know, we're not going to grandma's.
Guest:Well, now if you're a kid going to grandma's and you don't want to go, you can sit in the back with your phone and ticky type away and look up whatever you want and have your iPod on, listen to whatever you want and not be part of what's happening anymore.
Guest:That's true.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You can totally choose to not engage with people.
Guest:And that's totally acceptable.
Marc:Man, I think this is the second record.
Marc:I think that you should take your intellectual, logic-ridden jokes that confront the audience and explore contemporary culture from your own selfishness.
Guest:That sounds just heavy enough for me to want to do that.
Marc:And there's the title of the CD, Just Heavy Enough.
Guest:we've got the work done yep let's set up the blueprints but uh so what you so you grew up with guns yeah um did you grow up uh shooting shit learned how to shoot like when we were 10 11 years old yep and from that point um that's where we got in dick mcgill
Guest:Because they were always big on gun safety.
Guest:Like we're going to show you how to use this tool and we're going to show you what it's like to go hunting and we're going to teach you how to use this.
Guest:But you're also going to learn a level of respect for it.
Guest:So the chances of like my brother and I finding a gun someplace and then playing with it and going, oh, look, this is cool.
Guest:That's never going to happen.
Guest:It was never going to happen in our lives.
Guest:And all the kids that I knew who grew up around guns had a healthy respect for, you know, what the item was.
Guest:And I think that comes out of education.
Guest:I think guns aren't the problem.
Guest:It's the lack of education.
Marc:You know, my dad had guns, too.
Marc:And, you know, I've struggled on certain days with whether or not I should have a gun because then it gets in.
Marc:Then you cross into that libertarian zone of like, OK, so let's say something's going on in the house.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Who are you going to call the cops?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But how long is it going to take him to get there?
Marc:Oh, fuck.
Marc:That's a good point.
Guest:um i and i do kind of feel the same way now i do not um i feel the same way bill maher does about you know originally we had guns to protect ourselves he's always going off on that rant but we can't protect ourselves from you know fighter jets and flamethrowers and things like that you know the government's too big well i mean if you're in a situation where there's a flamethrower and all you have is the gun that you have to protect your house clearly so much other shit has gone wrong that
Guest:There's a zombie apocalypse happening and all I have is the six shooter.
Marc:God damn it.
Marc:If you're up against a flamethrower in a jet.
Guest:You did something really wrong.
Guest:You really caused some trouble.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:You better have something.
Guest:Ryan really pushed some buttons at that show because now the whole country's angry now.
No, no.
Guest:Oh, that'd be the best.
Guest:I do like the idea of making people angry if they're not going to listen.
Guest:And I really love the idea of crafting a joke where somebody can be left behind if they don't have certain information.
Marc:Oh, I love that too.
Marc:Where you clearly, you're about midway through or two-thirds of the way through a multi-punch line joke that has that moving somewhere.
Marc:And there's that chunk of the audience that like, they just didn't do their part of it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And they're lost.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And then you have that moment where you're like, you're lost because...
Marc:Because you didn't show up for the joke.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I love that.
Marc:It's a great moment.
Marc:And you should make them pay for that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, that's how I feel too.
Guest:I'm like, you didn't have the information and now you suffer.
Guest:That's how it goes.
Guest:That's how my world works.
Guest:Screw you.
Guest:It is hard to take overseas.
Guest:Overseas is difficult.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I had this joke about, it's about Chinese fire drills.
Guest:no well yeah well that and you know i show up in australia and i'm like what's your word for chinese fire drill i'm like what do you guys what's it called and they're like oh that's called red light game and i'm like well that joke's not gonna work can't do that but how does your tone work overseas i don't know if you're sarcastic but you're definitely um sardonic uh and there's charming it's not sarcasm and it's not cynicism what do you call it there's there's a level of self-righteousness but i undercut it with but that's a joke
Guest:Right.
Guest:But I also undercut it with hypocrisy a lot.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But your general tone is sort of it's tongue in cheek.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And it's hard to convey.
Marc:Well, no, it's not hard to convey.
Marc:Like I get it immediately.
Marc:I mean, you set it up on your record very quickly.
Marc:But like, you know, as as the tone of your character on stage, I mean, does that tone exist?
Marc:You know, like they have their own version of it in England.
Yeah.
Guest:yeah and and uh i i just want you have you tried to when when i was in scotland i i kind of had a rough time in edinburgh in well first first in glasgow that's all right though right um it was okay but it took a few days if you youtube glasgow the stand comedy and you watch comedians on there and watch you know their pacing and i can't even understand them half the time yeah
Guest:um and then you watch you know clip of me which is on my youtube page in glasgow um i don't move nearly as fast i don't hit as hard and the audience doesn't react as much right and then i move over to edinburgh and it's there's i guess they told me that it's more touristy and it's a different part and this and that and i had some kids there from london and they were like man that was great you could pass as european and i was like that's a i guess that's a compliment
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, they're familiar with that tone.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But they have their own version of it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I think they're probably more familiar with that tongue-in-cheek stuff than people are in America.
Guest:Yeah, I think so, too.
Marc:America, it's very surface, man.
Marc:I mean, if you start to... Once you're skipping the stone and it plunks into the water, they're fucking lost.
Guest:They're done.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest:I've thought about that a lot as far as popularity in America, because even though I hate popularity and I don't think I would be a good famous person, like I don't think I would handle it very well.
Guest:But you kind of need a level of popularity to maintain, you know, making money in this career.
Guest:You can easily get to a point as a headliner in comedy clubs where clubs go, yeah, man, you're great and you're funny, but you don't draw.
Guest:So we can't book you or you have to feature, but we don't want to feature you because we don't want you blowing our headliner off the stage.
Guest:And so you get to a place where, yeah, you're really funny and you're not popular.
Guest:So you're done.
Marc:Yeah, no, it's fucking crime.
Guest:And I think popularity, a lot of it comes out of when it's easy to describe what somebody does.
Marc:Well, also when you find, like, you know, you do have access to a lot of avenues to finding your people.
Marc:Right.
Marc:You know, like I didn't expect this thing.
Guest:This thing could turn you into a thing.
Marc:Whatever, a thing.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Which is fine.
Marc:But there are ways to do that.
Marc:And you do feel better when people understand what you're trying to do.
Marc:And you sort of operate in that area where an audience on a good night should feel a little stupid.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I wonder, too, I've always argued that if I had a room full of people who already liked me, who already knew what I did, it would it would not be fun for me because how am I going to push their buttons?
Guest:They're there to have their buttons pushed.
Guest:I did.
Guest:I opened for nobody.
Marc:But that's but that's it.
Marc:Like, I used to think that, too, but that's a miss.
Marc:That's not right.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because they're going to challenge you to do it.
Marc:So it's going to make you have to go harder.
Guest:Oh, you have to go bigger, better, stronger.
Marc:A little bit.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, which fits right into your fiscally conservative mindset.
Marc:That once you've found your work, the ethic has to go.
Marc:Because they like what you do.
Marc:And they're like, I hope he's got some surprises.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was opening for somebody.
Guest:It was a huge theater.
Guest:It was Saget, Bob Saget.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it was at Purdue University.
Guest:That's a good matching.
Guest:Yeah, Bobby and I get along great.
Guest:Right.
Guest:He's been really good to me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But Purdue University, like 2007, and everything got an applause break.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was just bored.
Guest:I was like, really, guys?
Guest:You're just going to give it up for everything?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I walk off stage and they're like, wow, that was great.
Guest:I wish you would have told us we could have taped that and had like a three-camera shoot.
Guest:And in my head, I was like, yeah, that would have changed my career had you just taped that.
Guest:It would have been very easy to convince people.
Marc:But it's funny, but your feeling of playing A Bigger Room where there's applause breaks, you don't get to...
Marc:Because you like to kind of build and do this weird kind of wrongly righteous sales pitch.
Marc:But when they're laughing at jokes and you got to wait for a theater to simmer down, you're like, now I can't really get that art going.
Marc:Right, right, right.
Marc:Yeah, you've already bought it.
Marc:I can't.
Guest:Yeah, what else am I going to do up here?
Guest:Fuck, let's go to the next thing.
Guest:So yeah, I'm self-sabotaging in that way.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I think it's just learning how to pace for that situation.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But you move very quickly.
Marc:You know, your delivery's fast.
Marc:And that's not necessarily, you know, people in theaters, like by the time, you know, you're moving on to the next row.
Marc:It's only halfway through the room.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And then everything gets fucked up.
Marc:You can feel the timing in the theater get fucked up.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Like you've moved on and then it's like, where is everybody?
Marc:Well, you left all those people out of the last one.
Marc:So we're not sure how to time ourselves.
Right.
Guest:The first time I performed in a theater where the seating went up, you know, and the audience is like coming down on you kind of, my left leg would not stop shaking.
Guest:And I didn't understand what the hell was going on.
Guest:I was like, I've done stand-up a lot.
Guest:What is going on with this left leg?
Guest:And I walked off and I told somebody, they're like, oh, have you ever done a theater where the audience is like on top of you and that wave of laughter is coming at you?
Guest:I'm like, no.
Guest:They're like, yeah, it was probably that.
Guest:And whether it was or not, I kind of went, yeah, it was probably that.
Guest:And it never happened again.
Guest:Really?
Guest:But I do consider it to be like an animal type response where it's like, oh, there's a lot of loud noise coming at me.
Guest:Holy Christ.
Guest:What the hell am I going to do?
Guest:My leg wants to leave.
Guest:And my voice, my voice never wavered.
Guest:I did the whole act fine.
Guest:I just hoped they couldn't see it shaking underneath the pant leg.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was like, all right, I'm going to get the hell out of here.
Marc:So it was like,
Guest:twitch it wasn't like a like you weren't shaking my knee was just going back and forth i couldn't i'd never felt anything like a muscle spasm almost yeah it was just like bending and straightening i was like oh no that's why this is something that is happening holy shit i mean you have those moments on stage where you just do the jokes and your mind is someplace else right like i've i've i've felt myself wake up on stage before sure
Guest:Are we in the middle of this bit?
Guest:Okay, just keep doing it.
Marc:Just keep talking.
Marc:Here we go.
Guest:Bad.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's happened.
Guest:It doesn't happen a lot.
Guest:I mean, I'm very present because I'm dealing with people.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Well, sometimes I think usually it happens when part of you has given up.
Marc:You're sort of like, I'm going to split.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Well, one time it happened because I got on stage.
Guest:I was on stage for like 10 minutes and I got the light.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was like, have I done something wrong?
Guest:I'm supposed to be here for at least 35 more minutes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then the light started flashing and then it just went off and then it was off for a while and I checked my watch and I was like, okay.
Guest:And then I find out later they were just having an electrical problem.
Guest:But, you know, I'm not present at all in the show.
Guest:I'm doing the jokes.
Guest:But in my head, I'm like, what's going on back there?
Guest:Is there something completely wrong?
Guest:Why wouldn't you go?
Guest:Is that was that light for me?
Guest:I don't know why, but I just felt like I felt like I was still trying to get the audience on my side and I was gaining momentum.
Guest:So I didn't want to give up on them.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:A lot of thoughts happening on stage.
Marc:Yeah, all the time.
Marc:It's fun when you can sort of like, but that's the one benefit of the theater is like when they're laughing or applauding that one joke, you can sort of just sit there and go, wow, I got a minute here.
Marc:Yeah, I'm going to leave this and let that count.
Marc:Yeah, that's good, man.
Guest:Here comes the next joke.
Marc:This is easy.
Guest:I'm kind of dumb in that when I started doing stand-up, I kind of thought it would be like the comedy albums that I bought when I was a kid.
Guest:I had pretty much everything I could get my hands on.
Guest:And they all sounded like, you know, you walk out onto the stage at a theater.
Guest:Ladies and gentlemen, George Carlin.
Guest:And that's how you start.
Guest:You start there.
Guest:Not Winnipeg, Canada.
Guest:Please welcome Ryan Stout.
Guest:Right.
Guest:yeah one guy okay yeah this is where we begin and so i think i i always had my career geared toward let's do big theaters and let's have this thing ready yeah and then this battle came in of yeah these tiny crowds who don't know me and that became your style thank you you should thank him every day for it i know i am becoming more and more thankful of it because it's you learn how to do comedy that way i think
Guest:Oh, absolutely.
Guest:I think if you're popular and then start to tour just based on popularity, when popularity goes away, well, now what?
Marc:No, when you fight to find, you know, when you fight to develop that relationship, then you own your territory up there.
Marc:And it's yours.
Marc:This is what I do with this.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Well, you're doing good, man.
Marc:You feel good?
Marc:I feel great about it, yeah.
Marc:Yeah?
Marc:You okay?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Thanks, man.
Marc:Me too.
Marc:Thank you for the ice cream.
Marc:And the CD's very good.
Guest:Thanks, dude.
Marc:That's it, people.
Marc:That's our show.
Marc:That's the amazing Ryan Stout and, of course, Matt Graham.
Marc:Go see him at the New York Fringe Festival.
Marc:Go pick up Ryan Stout's new CD.
Marc:And what about me?
Marc:What about me?
Marc:I'll be in San Francisco doing that animal benefit on the 8th of August in Utah on the 11th.
Marc:Go to WTFBot.com for all my dates and information.
Marc:Get some merch.
Marc:Kick in a few shekels.
Marc:Pick up the premium app.
Marc:Pick up the first 100 episodes on DVD.
Marc:See who's been on the show.
Marc:Get on that mailing list.
Marc:Get some JustCoffee.coop.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:Pow!
Marc:Wow!
Marc:I just shit my pants.
Marc:I haven't done that in a while, but now I've got to go inside.
Marc:Thank you for listening to my show.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Boomy!
Guest:Boomer!
Guest:Hey, Boomy!
Guest:Boomer!
Guest:Oh, shit!
Guest:Come here, buddy.
Guest:You guys heard that, right?
Guest:Did you hear it?
Marc:I hope you heard that one.
Marc:What's he doing now?
Marc:The carpet.