Episode 290 - Brian Regan
Marc:What's wrong with me?
Marc:It's time for WTF with Mark Maron.
Marc:All right, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what-the-fuckers?
Marc:What-the-fuck buddies?
Marc:What-the-fuckineers?
Marc:What-the-fuck nicks?
Marc:What-the-fuckatitions?
Marc:What-the-fuckettes?
Marc:And what-the-fuckatins?
Marc:How about that?
Marc:I got a big list here, man.
Marc:This is WTF.
Marc:I am Marc Maron.
Marc:Thank you for listening to the show, and I do want to thank you.
Marc:sincerely and uh with a big heart can i do that today i'm gonna go on vacation uh next week if that's okay with you guys there will be no discontinuation of service service will continue with new episodes of the show but i don't want to lie to you i'm gonna uh i'm gonna be away and perhaps in the in the next couple of shows i'll yeah maybe i'll put him i'll record him early and i'll speculate what i think i'm doing on vacation that that's what i'm gonna try to do i need a fucking vacation
Marc:All right.
Marc:I just need one.
Marc:I've never taken one.
Marc:I'm going to try to take one.
Marc:Let's get into that in a minute.
Marc:Let me let me get into some business today on the show.
Marc:The amazing Brian Regan is in the garage and certainly one of the greatest comics.
Marc:uh ever in my in my humble estimation and i'm going to talk about that more in a minute i do want to thank i get all your letters i read as many emails as i can i appreciate all the gifts i appreciate all the love that comes my way and i i can't always respond personally to you but i personally uh
Marc:Love it, and I am grateful for it, and I appreciate it, and I want to thank you for listening.
Marc:You know who you are, and it's just great.
Marc:I am a little overwhelmed with stuff, so I can't always get back to everybody personally, and that bothers me.
Marc:Believe me, it's one of the reasons I need a vacation, because no matter how much I have to do, I will obsess over one email where a guy's like, hey, come on, man, just email me back, and I will carry that with me.
Marc:I don't have any boundaries around no ability to compartmentalize what are major problems and minor problems.
Marc:Everything just melds into one big, multi-headed, multi-armed, several million tentacled problem or issue that is just coming at me.
Marc:And I need to stop it.
Marc:But I do appreciate all incoming stuff.
Marc:That said, I was in Chicago and I didn't get to talk to you since the Jack White episode, but I was in Chicago.
Marc:I had a great time in that city.
Marc:I'm looking forward to going back to the main stage in August.
Marc:You can go to WTF pod dot com and check my calendar for everything.
Marc:I love that city.
Marc:It's one of those cities that it's its own thing.
Marc:It's a real city.
Marc:And another reason I need to go on vacation, because every time I go on the road, I can I make an excuse for myself.
Marc:And you know this about me to eat what I consider indigenous food.
Marc:Like I can go anywhere.
Marc:Any big city has a foodie community where they have the best food.
Marc:Oh, that place is a new restaurant.
Marc:It's great.
Marc:But there are some old standbys.
Marc:And that's where I like to go.
Marc:So, of course, I asked about which pizza to go to.
Marc:I got so many people saying I got to go to Lou Malnati's that I went to Lou Malnati's and I'd been there before my life, but I'd forgotten about it.
Marc:And I went there for lunch with Andy Kindler and in a lunch with Kindler, can you have that much Jew around pizza?
Marc:Absolutely.
Marc:I mean, Andy Kindler eating pizza is the equivalent of perhaps an entire Jewish family eating pizza.
Marc:We're playing all the parts and covering the entire history.
Marc:So me and Andy went.
Marc:We discussed a lot of things, some issues, some problems.
Marc:We had some good times.
Marc:We had some laughs.
Marc:We ate a pizza.
Marc:We split a nine incher.
Marc:Now, that should have been enough for most people, but it was not.
Marc:That night, backstage at the Chicago Theater, I was working with the lovely Sarah Silverman and Kyle Dunnigan and Reggie Watts, Hannibal Buress, Natasha Leggero.
Marc:I found an excuse.
Marc:I said, we got to order Lou Malnati's.
Marc:Do they deliver?
Marc:Hell yes, they deliver.
Marc:Let's do it.
Marc:Everybody in?
Marc:I didn't care if everyone was in.
Marc:I just wanted to make sure that I shoved another two or three slices of Lou Malnati's deep dish sausage and mushroom pizza in my face.
Marc:So over the course of a day, I ate an entire deep dish pizza.
Marc:And I don't know what the fuck I'm thinking.
Marc:Look, folks, this is who I am at this point in my life.
Marc:And you know this.
Marc:I know there are bigger issues in the world.
Marc:There are other things to talk about.
Marc:But I think I'm probably eating about 15 to 20 fucking nicotine lozenges a day.
Marc:I'm compulsively stuck in some sort of Twitter vortex for some sort of immediate gratification buzz and hyper engagement with thousands of people.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I'm constantly...
Marc:drinking coffee, probably two to three pots a day.
Marc:I cannot let go of my phone.
Marc:I'm responding to emails as they come in.
Marc:Always.
Marc:I'm reading all of your emails.
Marc:I'm fielding mail here at the house where people send me stuff.
Marc:I've got a P.O.
Marc:box that's coming in.
Marc:I do this show.
Marc:I'm about to lose my fucking mind.
Marc:I'm strung out for fuck's sake.
Marc:I got a problem, man.
Marc:I got to shut this shit off.
Marc:When was the last time?
Marc:I've got this fantasy in my head, and I'm telling you, what day is it?
Marc:It's Thursday?
Marc:When did I eat that pizza?
Marc:On Saturday?
Marc:I don't think it's completely out of my system yet.
Marc:I'm locked up.
Marc:But that's not your problem, and I don't even want to really talk about that.
Marc:I'm just strung out.
Marc:I need to turn my phone off.
Marc:I need to turn my computer off.
Marc:I need to turn part of my brain off and just fucking relax.
Marc:I'd like to get off these nicotine lozenges again.
Marc:This can't be good.
Marc:I know what I'm doing.
Marc:Maybe I should just get on Lexapro or something like that like any other anxious, panicky, hypervigilant, whack job of a selfish person does.
Marc:Take care of yourself.
Marc:Why am I self-medicating with nicotine lozenges?
Marc:They have medication for that kind of stuff.
Marc:What does the baseline look like?
Marc:I'm going to go to fucking Hawaii.
Marc:I'm going to go on an island.
Marc:Got a good deal, by the way.
Marc:There's something about frequent travel.
Marc:You commit to one airline, you get the points, you get the free tickets, you commit to one credit card, you get the points, you get the trip.
Marc:That's who I am.
Marc:Is that Jewish or is that just smart?
Marc:Let me ask Andy Kindler.
Marc:But yeah, so I'm going to try and do it.
Marc:I'm going to detox.
Marc:I'm going to detox from as much as I can detox from.
Marc:I've known about Brian Regan a long time and I'm going to talk to him about the first time I really saw him.
Marc:I was actually at the original improv in New York sitting with Bill Hicks.
Marc:That's not a humble brag.
Marc:It's not a name drop.
Marc:It was a reality.
Marc:I'll bring that up with Brian.
Marc:I won't bring it up to you now.
Marc:But from my own personal experience, when I've been at my lowest, darkest times, I remember I was sitting with Ryan Singer and I was depressed.
Marc:I was sad.
Marc:And we were sitting there and I'm like, we need a fucking laugh, dude.
Marc:We're spiraling.
Marc:We're going down.
Marc:We need a guaranteed fucking laugh.
Marc:And I said, let's Netflix Brian Regan's latest special.
Marc:Let's do it.
Marc:And sure as shit, guaranteed laughs.
Marc:So let's get into this Brian Regan chat.
Marc:I also want to bring this up, because if you don't know Brian Regan, or if you do, he'll be in Charlotte, North Carolina at the Comedy Zone this Friday and Saturday night.
Marc:You can go to BrianRegan.com for more tour dates.
Marc:And...
Marc:Brian Regan also has a new record out all by myself, which I've listened to three times.
Marc:It's a new CD.
Marc:It's very funny.
Marc:There's a couple of bits on there that just killed me.
Marc:So that's available as well.
Marc:So get that too.
Guest:All right.
Guest:I'm nervous about this.
Guest:Me too, Mark.
Guest:I'm shaking over here.
Guest:I don't know what you have in store for me.
Marc:I don't know if you've got like old tax records.
Marc:Brian Regan is in the garage here.
Marc:And for some reason, I feel like it's a rare event that you show up at these things.
Guest:Well, I've wanted to do your podcast for quite some time.
Guest:You're somebody that comedians look up to, and I'm happy for your success, and I'm thrilled to be included in your roster of comedians that you've talked to.
Marc:You're the guy people look up to.
Marc:You're elusive to me somehow.
Marc:No, you don't realize.
Marc:I swear to God, any comic that I talk to, you're like, who's the funniest guy?
Marc:Brian Reed is the funniest guy.
Marc:It's like a given.
Marc:It's a given that there's Brian Regan, then there's other people.
Guest:Do you know that?
Guest:I don't know about that, but I'm honored, man, when comedians... When people who do what you do like what you do, there's no better compliment than that.
Marc:Do you feel out of touch with it?
Marc:I just picture you're out working on the road constantly, and you just go into a place, and you get into your stance, and you do it, and then...
Marc:and then you leave and then it's the next place like i see a lot of guys around but i never i never see you ever i i try to have my normal world yeah really how's that going i've got
Guest:Well, I mean, I love comedy, but I don't want that to be everything.
Guest:I've got two wonderful kids, and I like to not be a comedian, too.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:When I'm off, I just kind of shut down.
Guest:I'm not obsessed with show business.
Marc:No, of course, of course.
Marc:But was there a time?
Marc:I mean, I have to assume.
Marc:Let me tell you a story.
Marc:I think the first time I saw you...
Marc:I was in New York.
Marc:It was like 1990, maybe, maybe 90.
Marc:Like, yeah, somewhere around there.
Marc:Bill Hicks was living in New York for like a second.
Marc:And the old improv was still in existence.
Marc:It was barely holding on on 44th Street.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And you came in.
Marc:I don't know if you worked there at all, usually.
Marc:But for some reason, you came in and Hicks was like, we got to go watch Regan.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:And I was like, well, I don't know who is Regan.
Marc:And like he pulls me in there and he sits me down next to him.
Marc:We're in the back of the room.
Marc:There must have been 12 people in this place.
Marc:And he just fucking laughed hysterically for the entire time.
Marc:Do you remember being in that place?
Marc:I remember the improv, of course.
Marc:The original one.
Guest:Yes, yes, yes.
Guest:And and I do remember Bill Hicks on one event watching one of my shows.
Guest:And it was like, you know, for somebody like that to like what you do is just tremendous, man.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I think you had a lot of influence on a lot of people, too.
Marc:I guess I'm just going to sit here for an hour and blow smoke up your ass.
Marc:Would that be good?
Guest:I feel like this is a nice setup, and then I'm going to get to kabow.
Guest:But now that we did all that, you know.
Marc:No, listen, I'm very flattered, so thank you.
Marc:I really feel like you're a mystery to me.
Marc:Like, I literally, I'm going to tell you another story.
Marc:I was in the middle of a divorce, and I'm sitting around this house, just sitting around the house going, like, I'm probably not going to have this for very long.
Marc:This might be the last few hours.
Marc:Goodbye, house.
Marc:Yeah, what am I going to do with my house, my sad house?
Marc:I was with my buddy Ryan.
Marc:I'm like, I need some laughs.
Marc:What are we going to do?
Marc:Fucking put on Brian Regan.
Marc:Oh, man.
Guest:Put that in my resume.
Guest:Helps people get through divorces, you know?
Guest:You do.
Guest:Sure you do.
Guest:Well, that's very nice, man.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Where did you start, though?
Guest:The comic strip in Fort Lauderdale.
Guest:Oh, wow.
Guest:That's the first comedy club.
Guest:I mean, I was in college at Heidelberg College in Tiffin, Ohio, and that's when it was while I was in school that I decided that I wanted to be a comedian.
Guest:What were you studying to be that sort of like... My freshman year, I was an economics major.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And then I realized very, very, very quickly that I was not even close to pursuing anything that would make me happy.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then I switched majors to communication and theater arts.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then one of my first classes was a speech class.
Guest:And I used to just try to make them funny.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And that first time when I got the class laughing... Yeah.
Guest:That feeling, it just gets in you.
Guest:And I remember walking back to my dorm going, what was that?
Guest:I mean, I was like hooked.
Guest:So I was like, whatever that was, I want more of that.
Guest:I want that all the time.
Guest:yeah so so you wrote a lot of speeches so i was in i mean that was my only uh stage right you know 13 guy people in class you know and you were killing yeah i was killing oh man if i can if i can get this up to 15 people or 20 yeah maybe do a longer speech yeah do a longer do a seven minute speech instead of a five minute speech
Guest:Do you remember what the speeches were on?
Guest:I did one on... We had to sell a product, and I had this whole... It was like a misdirect.
Guest:I had this bag, and there was something in the bag, and I was talking about...
Guest:I remember the speech.
Guest:It was like, are you ugly?
Guest:Are you tired of people thinking you're ugly?
Guest:And when you're walking down the street, they cross to the other side of the street.
Guest:Well, I have a product for you.
Guest:And then I reached into the bag, and then I pulled this thing out, and I set that off to the side, and I said, the paper bag.
Guest:The old switcheroo.
Guest:The old switcheroo.
Guest:You could put this over your head.
Guest:And I remember the teacher howling and all the class howling.
Guest:And I'm like, wow, that was fun, man.
Marc:That was easy.
Guest:I did a misdirect.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:They got into it, you know.
Guest:So.
Guest:Yeah, but it was thrilling.
Marc:But, like, had you been a fan of comedy?
Marc:I mean, did you have any sort of sense that there was a world of comedy available?
Guest:I was always a fan of comedy, but, you know, I grew up in Miami, Florida.
Guest:I liked George Carlin, and then when Steve Martin came on the scene, huge Steve Martin fan, but it never, like, dawned on me that that was even an avenue for me.
Guest:A job choice.
Guest:Yeah, that's what people in Hollywood and New York do, you know what I mean?
Guest:It's like, the rest of us, we have to become accountants.
Guest:Things like that.
Guest:Have a job.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So when I remember thinking, maybe I could be a comedian.
Guest:It was like this audacious quest, you know.
Guest:But that's when it happened.
Marc:And how many people were in your family?
Marc:How many brothers?
Marc:I know one of your brothers.
Marc:Dennis.
Marc:You probably know Dennis.
Marc:He's a comedian.
Marc:He's a comedian.
Marc:Is that a problem?
Guest:It's not at all.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:My mom and dad have eight children, four occupations, two comedians, two firefighters, two school teachers, two salesmen.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Two firefighters?
Guest:My parents say we're 15th, 16th Cyrus.
Guest:I don't know why they have that formula.
Guest:That's what they've told you?
Guest:15th, 16th?
Guest:We're 15th, 16th Cyrus and one 16th Dutch.
Yeah.
Guest:Why'd they have to throw that in?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Have they traced the Dutch?
Guest:They must have.
Marc:There's one Dutch.
Marc:There's the Dutch.
Guest:I don't know where the Dutch person comes into play.
Marc:And what kind of business was your old man in?
Guest:Dykes.
Guest:He would build dykes.
Guest:No.
Guest:Wooden shoes.
Guest:No.
Guest:No.
Guest:No, he worked for Eastern Airlines.
Guest:He was an accountant.
Marc:Really?
Guest:Yeah, for Eastern Airlines.
Marc:Did you guys fly for nothing?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, we flew.
Guest:Well, you had to pay some type of nominal fee.
Guest:It was $5 to fly coach.
Guest:This is true.
Guest:Or $10 to fly in first class.
Guest:$10.
Guest:So we always flew first.
Guest:My dad would splurge, and we all flew first class.
Marc:That's like a family of 10 in first.
Marc:There's not even enough room in first.
Guest:We would take up like the whole first class cabin.
Marc:It's a party, a Reagan party in the first class.
Marc:That must have been hilarious.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So I can't imagine, like, so what, but how are you brought up?
Marc:Like, I know you don't, on policy, you don't cuss on stage generally, right?
Guest:Right.
Guest:It depends on what you, you know, I mean, I say hell and damn.
Marc:That's, you know, come on.
Guest:No, I don't have a problem, but I had a guy come up to me after a show one time and say, you know, I heard you were clean, and then you throw these words in there.
Guest:I'm very disappointed.
Guest:I'm like, God almighty.
Guest:Were you brought up like in a religious house?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, I mean, but not, you know, I mean, we're raised Catholic and that sort of thing, but we weren't allowed to cuss.
Marc:At home?
Guest:At home.
Guest:At all.
Guest:And no kid visiting our house was allowed to cuss.
Marc:What was the punishment for that?
Guest:Well, there was one kid that had a basketball thrown at his head.
Guest:By your father?
Guest:No, by us.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Because he was cussing.
Guest:And we're like, you're not allowed to cuss in our house.
Guest:And he was like, well, fuck that.
Guest:And that was it?
Guest:All eight kids?
Guest:So we picked up a basketball and threw it at his head.
Guest:Because we figured there had to be some type of ramification.
Guest:It's a rule for a reason.
Guest:So there has to be a punishment.
Guest:And if cussing is so bad, there has to be a really bad punishment.
Guest:So we hurled a basketball at his head and it hit his head and then it hit the wall and then came back and hit the basketball again.
Guest:We're like, wow.
Guest:I guess he didn't come over.
Guest:The word got out.
Marc:You don't cuss at the Regan house.
Marc:It's off limits.
Marc:That's fucking hilarious.
Marc:So where in the lineup are you?
Marc:fourth out of eight wow middle yeah i figured that out quick do you like that math right out of the right out of the get together bang there's no middle out of eight no yeah there is four well out of nine there's a middle okay you have to have an odd number okay well so you and the next guy i was an accountant i was an accountant for a year you were you oh so you graduated no no i mean i was an economics major you didn't get you didn't do anything after college you went right into comedy
Guest:I dropped out of college.
Guest:Oh, good for you.
Guest:To do comedy.
Marc:How many?
Marc:Two years in?
Guest:Ten credit hours short.
Marc:Really?
Guest:Of a degree.
Guest:Oh, boy.
Guest:How'd that go over with Pops?
Guest:Imagine that phone call.
Guest:Mom?
Guest:Dad?
Guest:You know how you're...
Guest:you're gonna fly up for my graduation ceremony get ready to go up to the comic strip in Fort Lauderdale instead I'm gonna be bussing tables and try to get on late at night it's closer it's right down the street
Guest:I auditioned there and ended up passing my audition at one point.
Marc:With a speech?
Guest:I had my paper bag misdirect.
Guest:That was a solid, man.
Guest:That's solid.
Guest:You don't want to lose that opening.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:I auditioned five times.
Guest:My fifth audition went pretty well, and I remember sitting back down, and my heart was pounding because I'm like, well, that's as good as I've done.
Guest:And then Joe Mullen, he's the guy who ran the comic strip in Fort Lauderdale, came over and said...
Guest:Grab my check for my beer at Budweiser.
Guest:He goes, I'm picking this up.
Guest:And I'm like, oh, I'm already getting paid.
Guest:He goes, can I talk to you in the back?
Guest:I'm like, yeah.
Guest:I'm telling you, it's probably the most heart-pounding experience of my life because I dropped out of college to try to become a comedian.
Guest:And I'm like, maybe this is it.
Guest:And he brought me in the back and said that he'd been watching me audition a handful of times.
Guest:And as far as he was concerned, I had passed my audition.
Guest:It was like... It's a complicated way to put it.
Guest:Well... It's like, I still got to meet with some other people.
Guest:Well, it was life-altering, man.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because I was like, here's a guy who runs a comedy club who says I'm a comedian.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was pretty damn strong, you know?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And then what did you start doing, opening?
Guest:Well, what it meant there was that you got to go on at the end of the show.
Guest:I haven't seen this anywhere else in the country.
Guest:They had three co-headliners all doing 45 minutes each at the end of the show.
Guest:The emcee would go on stage.
Guest:They would draw a clear line in the sand.
Guest:They would say, that's it for our show.
Guest:Right.
Guest:We hope you had a good time.
Guest:We do have some new comedians who are just getting started.
Guest:If you'd like to hang out and give them an audience, you're welcome to do so.
Guest:But if you need to take off, we understand.
Guest:That's probably pretty good, though.
Guest:It was great.
Guest:But, I mean, most people would get up and leave.
Guest:And then you'd have, you know, 25, 30 people hang out.
Guest:Let's watch these new comedians.
Marc:And did they bring them in?
Marc:Did they let them move?
Marc:No, they didn't really move.
Marc:They were just kind of scattered around.
Marc:That's good training, the scatter thing.
Marc:You want to make sure that you feel that people have left.
Guest:That's what I went up to for a year, going on at the end of the night to people who were just hanging out.
Guest:Doing what, eights?
Guest:Five.
Guest:Five minutes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And there were like three or four of us each night, and then people were gradually leaving during that.
Guest:So if you were at the end of that, sometimes you'd go up to four people.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:So I had a whole routine built around people walking out.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Because that's what was happening.
Guest:I had a whole routine about, hey, thanks for making me feel like a can of room defogger.
Guest:You know, I had this whole thing about how people were walking out during – that was my act.
Yeah.
Guest:And then they move me up, you know, hey, we're going to let you open.
Guest:So I get on stage and I'm thinking nobody's walking out.
Guest:What do I do now?
Guest:I don't know what to do.
Guest:People are paying attention.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I'm looking around going, God, somebody please walk out, you know.
Guest:I think I got these lines.
Guest:My whole career built around being horrible.
Guest:So I had to start writing jokes for people who were actually paying attention.
Marc:Oh, man.
Marc:And you have such a defined thing that you do.
Marc:Whenever your name comes up, I actually characterize you.
Marc:I have this whole thing where I say, yeah, Regan starts in the top position.
Marc:You've got the top position.
Marc:And then usually by the end of the joke, he's down here somewhere.
Marc:And then after the laugh, he re-cocks.
Guest:Back up.
Guest:Yeah, back up.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:When did that sort of, like, did you feel yourself just doing that?
Guest:I never consciously did anything like that.
Guest:I mean, I just... Were you just doing straight jokes?
Marc:I mean, were they long bits?
Marc:Oh, you mean at the beginning?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I had all kinds of weird stuff, man.
Guest:I didn't know what I wanted to be as a comedian.
Guest:I mean, when you first start,
Guest:You don't really know.
Marc:So you're doing everything?
Guest:I had props.
Guest:No.
Marc:Really?
Marc:No, I'm not judging.
Guest:I'm just curious.
Guest:No, I had a little bit of everything.
Guest:The bag?
Guest:I had a bag.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was so bad at prop comedy, I had props for jokes I didn't even need props for.
Guest:Like what?
Guest:Like I had a...
Guest:I would get on stage and say, hey, man, I'm always getting ripped off at the supermarket.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like I bought a box of cereal and it was less than half full.
Guest:So I brought it back to the manager and I said, hey, this box of cereal was less than half full.
Guest:And the manager said, yeah.
Guest:And then I pulled it out of the bag.
Guest:Yeah, you bought 40% Bran Flakes.
Guest:Did you repeat it?
Guest:And then, yeah, I would hold the box up.
Guest:And I look back going, did I need to hold up a box of 40% bran flakes?
Guest:That was part of the joke?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Can't the people, can't I just say 40% bran flakes and people can envision what that is?
Marc:You were just starting out.
Marc:You need a little support, a little visual support.
Guest:And then I put that bag in the bag.
Guest:So I had a handful of props.
Guest:What else was in the bag?
Guest:I'm kind of curious.
Guest:And then I would say, and then I said to the manager, well, what about this?
Guest:This was completely empty.
Guest:And he goes, yeah.
Guest:And then I reach into this product called No Salt.
Guest:Remember that?
Guest:And, of course, I emptied it out.
Guest:And I said, yeah, you paid for No Salt.
Guest:And then I take the top off and shake it up.
Guest:And you got No Salt.
Guest:How did those go over?
Guest:Oh, they were wonderful.
Guest:Wonderful jokes.
Guest:Those are like legendary jokes.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:That's like a who's on first kind of thing.
Guest:That's up there.
Guest:Like if there's a comedy museum, who's on first?
Guest:Maybe Jerry Lewis with the typewriter, and then they'll put the 40% red flakes and the note salt thing in there.
Marc:And just your name underneath, Brian Regan.
Marc:Everybody will go, oh, that's how it all started with him.
Guest:What year was that?
Guest:81, 82, somewhere around here.
Marc:Who were the headliners coming?
Marc:Who were the guys that you were seeing when you're just hanging around cleaning up after people?
Marc:I mean, what was it?
Marc:Were the guys that were coming through where you were like, oh, man, that guy really does it?
Marc:Do you remember who you saw?
Guest:One of the...
Guest:comedians was Jerry Seinfeld.
Guest:He was just one of the headliners.
Guest:Seinfeld was one of the guys.
Guest:I had to go on after him.
Guest:Actually, my brother Dennis and I, I auditioned five times.
Guest:One of those times was with my brother Dennis as a comedy team.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:He was the straight guy, I guess, right?
Guest:We didn't even have it figured out.
Guest:We didn't know.
Marc:But he wanted to do comedy that early, too.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:We literally followed Jerry Seinfeld.
Guest:The two of you.
Guest:And Seinfeld hadn't broken yet, you know what I mean?
Marc:Was he killing them?
Guest:He absolutely killed.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And I remember thinking...
Guest:If that guy's not a star, then there's no justice in this business.
Guest:Why do I even want to be in this business?
Guest:And then a month later, he was on his first Tonight Show and on his way.
Guest:So I'm like, okay, there is justice.
Guest:Anyway, he did his thing.
Guest:And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Regan brothers.
Guest:You know, the lights were on our eyes and feedback on the mic and just nothing.
Guest:Stumbling over each other.
Guest:Horrible.
Guest:All I remember is Dennis going, when we get off, when they flash the light, right?
Guest:They flash the light, we get off.
Guest:I'm like, yeah, but you don't say that out loud.
Guest:That was his open.
Guest:About a minute in, he knew we weren't getting any laughs.
Guest:He was like, when do we leave?
Guest:How do we get off the stage?
Guest:That goes on in your head, Dennis.
Guest:You don't say that out loud.
Marc:When did it start to pick up?
Marc:When did you start to, like, what were some of your first gigs?
Guest:Well, I worked there for... Like house MC kind of shit or what?
Guest:Yeah, I mean, you know, I moved from going at the way end to then they would let me do 10 minutes up front and then I would be the house MC for a while.
Guest:And I remember the first gig that I got was down in Coconut Grove.
Guest:They were going to do comedy in a bar for one night a week.
Marc:Yeah, the one-nighters.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:And, you know, the word was out, they're going to do comedy.
Guest:They're looking for local comedians.
Guest:and I called the guy up, and I had never performed anywhere other than the comic strip in Fort Lauderdale, you know?
Guest:And I also, at the comic strip, I worked in the kitchen, I cooked and everything.
Guest:So anyway, I called this guy up.
Guest:You cooked?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:If I was the first comedian, you know, people in the audience would order hamburgers and stuff like that, and I would put the burner way down low
Guest:They put their burgers in, and then I'm on stage.
Guest:Their burgers are cooking.
Guest:They don't even know they're looking at the cook.
Guest:And then you go back and put your apron on.
Guest:Yeah, I put my apron back on, you know.
Guest:I had to empty the trash.
Guest:The most embarrassing thing was at the end of the show,
Guest:I had to, the dumpster was behind the comedy club.
Guest:And I had to empty the trash.
Guest:So I could pretend like I didn't work there until then.
Guest:And then these people after the show, especially if I had a decent set, they'd see me going, and I remember people going, they make comedians take out the trash?
Guest:And I would say, well, not the good ones.
Guest:The good ones are inside having a beer and I have my chores I still have to do.
Guest:You saw my 40% bran flake joke.
Guest:That's why I'm taking the trash out.
Guest:I'm putting that box in the trash.
Guest:So the Coconut Grove gig.
Guest:Coconut Grove.
Guest:Big night.
Guest:Yeah, I call the guy and he says, what do you get for a night?
Guest:I never got anything.
Guest:I never did this before.
Guest:So I didn't know what to say.
Guest:And I said, well, I think I think seventy five dollars will be fair.
Guest:He goes, hang on a second.
Guest:And I'm like, oh, man, I asked for too much.
Guest:All I want is a gig.
Guest:I don't care if I get any money.
Guest:And he gets back on.
Guest:He goes, how about a hundred and a hotel room?
Guest:And right then I knew, boy, am I bad at the business side of this.
Guest:He felt bad for you.
Guest:Yeah, he felt bad for my opening negotiation and topped it for me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So what do I say at that point?
Guest:85, we go halves on the hotel.
Guest:deal yeah yeah and i'm not i'm not budging that's my final you can you can say you're gonna pay for that hotel i ain't doing it i'm coming with cash so was that the first time you're like oh i get to sleep at a oh man you know and then i do the gig and they give you a hundred dollars what was it like a half hour
Marc:yeah and it didn't go well but when they gave me the hundred dollars i was like man i can i can handle this yeah cash money for doing some jokes yeah wasn't that great though when it was like it was only you're only making like uh i remember making 75 bucks and driving three hours yeah and you're like oh yeah this is great yeah you feel like man i'm in show business you don't even think like oh it's gonna cost me 12 to fill up my tank i'm gonna eat you're gonna get home at least like 30 40 bucks that's fucking awesome
Guest:when i first got a manager rory rory rose garden sure is he still your manager yeah um one of the first gigs he got me i was living in new york and uh it was for a college prep school down in new jersey or no a high school a high school prep school prepping them for college anyway i go down i do the gig and it was for a thousand dollars i'd never made a thousand dollars in my whole life yeah and uh they give me the check and i'm like i
Guest:Wow, what is going on?
Guest:I make $1,000 doing comedy.
Guest:I'd never seen anything like it.
Guest:I get back on the train.
Guest:I'm going back to New York, and I'm like, I got time to do a spot at the improv.
Guest:So I go to the improv.
Guest:They throw me on.
Guest:And when I'm done, they give me $15.
Guest:And I'm like,
Guest:What the hell is my comedy worth?
Guest:Is it worth $1,000 or is it worth $15 or somewhere in between?
Guest:I don't know, man.
Marc:You kind of put that into context.
Marc:Those short spots in New York, you get $15.
Marc:That's fine.
Marc:But $1,000, I remember that it's a huge amount of money.
Marc:And then you start to think, how much are those guys on television?
Marc:How much could they be making?
Marc:Did you ever sort of think ahead?
Marc:Were you like, oh, my God.
Guest:there's no end to this uh well my goal when i first started yeah was to my dream was if i could do comedy and make a hundred dollars a night yeah i'll be happy for the rest of my life you know yeah i'm not quite there yet you're getting there i'm getting there but uh you know to me it's not about i mean the money is like a nice side thing it's right okay wow you can make a living at it too but you gotta love doing it i think
Marc:How do you workshop stuff?
Marc:Because, I mean, you're a guy, what do you do, a new hour every year, every two years?
Marc:How does it work for you?
Marc:How conscious are you of that?
Guest:I try to, you know, you got to have your lines in the sand.
Guest:I'm fortunate to have the Letterman thing where you can't repeat.
Marc:Right.
Guest:So, you know, I always have to have a new set for that.
Guest:How often do you do that?
Guest:About every nine months.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And...
Guest:So, and then if I record something like whether it's a CD or a DVD or a Comedy Central special or something like that, then I, in my mind, I try to figure that that's done.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I try to move away from it.
Guest:I mean, you can't turn it over on a dime.
Marc:Right.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:But it's like, okay, that's done and recorded and now start replacing.
Marc:Right.
Guest:I'd like to think after a year and a half to two years, it'd be a new hour.
Marc:right and then like because you you how often are you on the road how many weeks uh 26 you know half the weekends of the year and that's a that's a schedule you stuck with like you know you you don't uh you like i i just trying to picture like you don't really go out and do the little clubs anymore much no no i i thought i would want to keep one leg in that but uh
Guest:Well, you could always... I'm sure no one would turn you down.
Marc:So we're all booked up here.
Marc:It's Wednesday night.
Marc:It's a big night for us.
Marc:I was in Salt Lake City, and I did a weekend there.
Marc:And they said, yeah, Brian Regan's here for the month.
Marc:Or something like that.
Marc:And I'm like, oh, my God.
Marc:They were saying, oh, yeah, he sells out the basketball arena for a month.
Marc:Hyperbole?
Marc:Yeah, maybe.
Marc:But what was fascinating to me is a guy who, like I just started to sell a few tickets.
Marc:But there's very few guys that do what you do, which is like comedy at the level that you do it at.
Marc:And it's really what you do exclusively for a living.
Guest:Well, yeah, I appreciate it.
Guest:I like being a comedian.
Guest:And if something else happens, great.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:Lately, I'm trying to dabble a little bit in some other things.
Guest:Like what?
Guest:Last week, I did a Looney Tunes, the cartoons.
Guest:Really?
Guest:They had asked me if I would do a voice in one of their episodes.
Guest:And a few years ago, I would have said, nah, that's not for me.
Guest:And I'm like, what the hell?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Would you have said that's not for me?
Guest:I think so.
Guest:Why?
Guest:Because there's something about the purity of being a stand-up, you know what I mean?
Guest:It's like I've taken a lot of pride over the years in that if I have a following, it has to be from stand-up.
Marc:Right.
Guest:It can't be from anything else because I haven't done anything else.
Guest:So if people are buying tickets to see me, I know it's because of the stand-up comedy.
Guest:Whereas other people...
Guest:have a following, but they may have been an actor in something, or they might have had a role in something, and so they're
Guest:their draw is based on not just stand-up, but on them being famous as well.
Marc:Right.
Marc:So there's a sort of principle issue with you.
Guest:I want those people in the seats there because they want to watch comedy and not because they want to see a famous person.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And you've always felt that way.
Guest:I started feeling that way when I couldn't become famous.
Yeah.
Guest:I changed my goal so I could be successful.
Marc:And you figured, well, a cartoon, no one's going to come going, you're not that rabbit.
Marc:We came, we thought you were a rabbit.
Marc:Make the rabbit noise.
Marc:I'm like, oh no.
Marc:Are you telling me that there wasn't a point?
Marc:I mean, there has to have been several development deals in your past.
Guest:Sure.
Marc:And when was the first one?
Marc:And when did that come from?
Guest:I don't know what year, but yeah, I've had a... Mid-80s?
Guest:No, it would have been more in the 90s.
Guest:So when did you start headlining?
Guest:Late 80s?
Marc:yeah yeah yeah yeah late 80s and you were doing clubs just comedy clubs comedy the circuit right yeah well and the one-nighters too sure right the horrible things the good things and the horrible things but like you were drawn when did you start to realize it like you were drawing because this is the other mystery to to to people that from where i'm sitting even now because like i'm a guy that's been doing this 25 years and i'm just starting to sell a few tickets
Marc:But, like, there are people that are, like, I had Kevin Hart in here not long ago.
Marc:And he's a huge selling act.
Marc:And a lot of people don't know who he is.
Marc:And Gaffigan's another guy.
Marc:Like, you and Gaffigan are it, really.
Marc:And Kevin Hart is, he's also selling a lot of tickets.
Marc:But where does that, how did you build that, man?
Marc:I mean, I know you have your specials every year or two.
Marc:But, like, you sell thousands and thousands of tickets a year.
Marc:But you're not on a television show.
Marc:You know, and it's not like, you know, you're a household name necessarily, but you're you're a huge comedian.
Marc:What was the process of that?
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:It's a mystery to you.
Guest:It is.
Guest:You know, I mean, I certainly didn't, you know, set out that way.
Marc:I mean, I. When did you first start noticing it?
Guest:Well, it was when I was in comedy clubs and I started, you know, they started adding shows, you know.
Marc:Right.
Guest:It would be like normally they would have one show on a Friday and two on a Saturday.
Guest:And then, you know, my manager would say they want to add a second show Friday.
Guest:And then the next time you go back, it's like, well, now they want to add a third show Saturday.
Right.
Marc:you know when you start it's like maybe we can all do this all in one place exactly yeah you get you get to the point where you're maxing out the comedy club right go well why would i do that for five nights when i could do have that same amount of people for one night in a theater it's exhausting right so i mean especially for the the way you do comedy i mean to do like to do two shows a night for two nights after a certain point it gets a little it's tiring right no doesn't bother you all right
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:How do you complain about?
Guest:No, I'm not complaining.
Marc:I don't.
Guest:I absolutely.
Guest:Whether it's three shows a night or one show a night, it's all gravy and wonderful, man.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:There ain't nothing bad about it.
Marc:So how many days do you do in Salt Lake?
Marc:Just out of curiosity.
Guest:Well, it was 10 shows in their theater called Abravinal Hall.
Guest:So, you know.
Guest:It's a lot of tickets.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And you do it once a year, right?
Guest:I like to go back there every two years because I don't want to... If people are... If they like it, I want when I go back that they're going to see mostly a new set.
Yeah.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And how did you become like, because like that community, and I'm obviously not, you know, I'm not trying to be, this shouldn't be that personal.
Marc:I mean, you've got to be sort of sanctioned.
Marc:The Mormons have got to say like, he's our guy, he's okay.
Guest:It's interesting to me because clearly the Mormon community likes clean comedy.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And it's interesting to me because I'm not Mormon.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:I've never said that I was or anything like that.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I have conversations with my manager sometimes going, do they think that I'm Mormon?
Guest:Do I have to have a disclaimer?
Guest:But I'm confident in that.
Guest:I just do what I do.
Guest:I've never claimed anything.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:And I like the fact that they like what I do.
Marc:Are they a good audience?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Marc:They're great.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Strong, man.
Marc:Well, yeah, because I assume like there's only a few people that they can as a community say this guy's OK.
Marc:Go have a good time.
Marc:No, it's I mean, it's it's a great thing.
Marc:I'm not I'm not saying it's a negative thing.
Marc:It's just sort of interesting because I found that when I worked there, it's it's an odd place because it is sort of like that's their state.
Guest:you know welcome to utah and there's a lot of different types of mormons and they're always all together you know there's the pioneer types and then there's the modern types and it's a very interesting vibe i i went after one of the shows we went to this like uh restaurant yeah and uh i like to have a shot of tequila every now and then you know and uh so i had a shot of tequila and then some people from the show were starting to come in and hang around and uh
Guest:I was feeling, and I shouldn't have felt this way.
Guest:I'm thinking, should I be drinking here?
Guest:Because I know that that's not a big thing with them.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So the waitress came back and said, would you like another shot of tequila?
Guest:In front of them?
Guest:Well, you know, she's pointing to the shot glass.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I wanted my tour manager, Andy, to get one for me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I said, no, I'm good, but Andy, how about you?
Guest:And he goes, I'm good.
Yeah.
Guest:And then she leaves and I said, Andy, what do you think I was trying to pull there?
Guest:I wanted you to get the shot for me, you know?
Marc:And sneaking a shot in front of the Mormon fans.
Marc:It's just fascinating to me.
Marc:Like the idea that you can do that many shows, like the numbers are just spectacular.
Marc:I mean, it seats a lot of people.
Marc:It's fascinating.
Marc:You must play to a good percentage of the population of Utah every two years.
Marc:It's almost like, you know, Utah's coming out to see Brian Regan again.
Guest:Listen, the whole thing was kind of surprising to me because, you know, I have the webpage thing and I was noticing that I was, before I ever performed in Utah or Salt Lake City, I was getting a lot of comments like, how come you never come to Salt Lake City?
Guest:How come you never come to Salt Lake City?
Guest:And
Guest:like disproportionate from other cities and that's when i they had a meeting told my manager i said maybe we should book a show there and that's when we kind of found out hey i got a little bit of a following there yeah yeah and where are some of your other areas that you find that you just kick ass i don't know i mean that sounds self-serving to i'm asking you here i'm asking you um i i
Guest:Do well in Denver, Atlanta.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:New York is always fun.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:In the city.
Marc:You work in the city.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, I do the New York Comedy Festival like every couple of years.
Marc:Right.
Guest:I used to play Caroline's all the time.
Marc:Right.
Guest:Great comedy club.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And now Caroline's is involved with the New York Comedy Festival.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So I do that every couple of years.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's always a blast.
Marc:And what, when, when you were like, as, as time went on, cause he worked with Roy Rose garden, you know, and he has, he has Robert Klein, he has Ray Romano, uh, and his brother is also, I don't know the full roster, but what were some of the opportunities that you came that you sort of like the deals that you were, that you got that didn't, that didn't pan out?
Marc:What were the, what were the pilot scripts?
Marc:Who were you in those?
Guest:Well, some of them never even got... I never even shot a pilot.
Marc:No, right, but you wrote scripts, right?
Guest:Wrote scripts.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:It was always frustrating for me because I would get to where I could at least write a script, and then I would take my bits and try to work them within the context of a show.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And then you'd submit the script, and the notes would be, well, this doesn't seem funny to us.
Guest:And I'm like, well, those are...
Guest:You can't tell me that those bits aren't funny.
Guest:I don't know who you are, but I know they're funny.
Guest:People laugh at them every single night.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So, you know, after a while, I had to get to the point where I stopped worrying about what other people thought.
Guest:I can't control what these network people think.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I can control what I do as a stand-up.
Guest:Right.
Marc:if i ever get a show it'll have to be based on my stand-up but uh if it happens great if not whatever how many did you do how many pilots scripts uh i don't know three or four yeah and did you find that at different points in your life like what was the was there one script like before you had kids and before you were married you're like it's just a guy and then like you know three years later it's a guy with a wife and one kid
Guest:I never went with the family route.
Marc:No?
Guest:I never wanted to do the family sitcom.
Guest:I just wanted to be more about a person going through life.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:You know, just an individual.
Marc:And what was your job in some of them?
Guest:One was an ad, you know, like an advertising agency.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:And a local market.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:You know, I thought that would be kind of interesting.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Dealing with clients and stuff like that.
Marc:Guy coming up with ideas to sell stuff.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:That'd be funny.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You got the local car dealer who wants to do his own commercials and you have to like, you know, anyway, but, uh, stuff that I thought was funny.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then you submit it and then they tell you it's no good.
Marc:And so about what year did you say, fuck these people?
Marc:If that's the way they want to play, I'm going to play Utah for 10 nights.
Guest:Well, here's what happened.
Guest:The reason that I wanted a sitcom is because I thought for a while that that represented whether or not you were a good comedian.
Marc:That was the payoff.
Marc:That was the grail.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:People would go, wow, he must be a good stand-up because, look, he has sitcoms.
Marc:Built around him.
Marc:He's a stand-up with a sitcom.
Guest:So to me, it was more of a trophy to be able to say, I must be okay at this.
Guest:Look, I got a TV show.
Guest:So that's why I really wanted it.
Guest:And I also wanted to get a TV show so I could get lucky enough to have a following that would want to come out and see my stand-up.
Guest:And then somewhere along the way, it was like, wow, I'm developing a following without that.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So I don't my desire just dropped.
Guest:I'm like, I don't I don't need that.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because there is it is sort of humiliating to to have to kind of like because when you're a stand up and like, you know, I'm doing this, you know, I do this on my own.
Marc:And, you know, a lot of people listen to it and nobody helped me.
Marc:That was not sanctioned by anybody.
Marc:No one could say like, no, turn that off.
Marc:But there's something about that feeling of like, you're kind of going like, all right, we've got another idea.
Marc:Let's go put it in front of these 22-year-old Jewish kids who run show business for them to go, I don't know.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I think comedians, it's hard for comedians because we're used to autonomy.
Guest:We write, we direct, we do everything for our own show.
Guest:And then all of a sudden you're in a room with people tossing out an idea and you get...
Guest:I got to get out of here.
Guest:How do I get out?
Guest:What's the quickest way out of here?
Guest:You know, it's just I don't have to deal with.
Guest:Well, if I think of an idea, I say it exactly how I want on stage.
Guest:I don't need to run it by anybody, you know, so it's hard to to try to get into that world where you have to do that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Do you still get that same buzz that you got when you pulled the bag out?
Guest:You mean on stage?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I I I always enjoy the hell out of being a stand up comedian.
Guest:I love that feeling of being backstage, you look out, you see the stool and a bottle of water and a microphone, and you hear people getting settled in, and you go, well, I'm like the luckiest guy in the world, man.
Guest:I'm going to go out there and just be goofy and do these things that I think of, and hopefully they'll have a good time.
Guest:And then afterwards, they'll give me a little money so I can go get myself a shot of tequila.
Yeah.
Marc:Didn't drink it on the slide.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Well, no, that's why it's weird because I bought that mic stand.
Marc:That's a regular boom mic stand where the hat is.
Marc:But I went out and bought that.
Marc:The boom doesn't go on there.
Marc:I would never have that on stage.
Marc:But this is standard.
Marc:That's all the equipment we need is a mic in one of those stands, right?
Marc:And the reason I bought that was I'd been to like two clubs in a row that fucked up stands.
Marc:And I was like, we need two things.
Marc:We need a microphone and one of these.
Marc:You don't have another one of these?
Marc:So I went out and bought that out of spite just to feel what it felt like to buy a mic stand that would be a stand-up mic.
Marc:It's like $25.
Marc:And I just have that there as just a testament to that's all we need.
Marc:And if I ever go to a club that doesn't have one, I'm going to throw a shit.
Marc:Have you ever done that when you're at a club and it's like the microphone's like... And you're like, one thing.
Guest:This is all I need is for them to be able to hear me.
Guest:That's all I need.
Guest:And you can't provide that for me.
Guest:It's like...
Guest:It's worse, right?
Guest:You know, what's also interesting is when you are at, like, say, a theater, right?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And you have the curtain.
Guest:And in front of it is what I described, the stool and the water.
Guest:And you look behind the curtain at the show they're going to do the next night.
Guest:And you see these big elaborate sets with thrones and king outfits.
Guest:Big clouds in the air.
Guest:Big clouds.
Guest:And you go, wow, what a difference a night makes.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Guest:I mean, I'm thinking the people tonight must be a whole lot less entertained than tomorrow night because look what the hell's going on tomorrow night.
Guest:I got hundreds and hundreds of people working on tomorrow night show.
Guest:And I'm just going out there and, you know, doing some yuck yuck jokes.
Marc:Do you use an opener?
Marc:Who do you usually take out with you?
Guest:Joe Bolster sometimes.
Marc:How's he doing?
Guest:He's doing great, man.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Because he's sort of like a contemporary of yours.
Marc:You guys are about the same age, right?
Guest:He was one of the guys that I watched at the comic strip in Portland.
Guest:I don't know when I first got started.
Guest:He was one of the headliners that came down.
Guest:Jim Colleton, Gary Brightwell, Kermit Apio.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Funny comedian from the Seattle area.
Guest:I'm sure I'm blanking on him.
Guest:Tom Ryan and my brother Dennis.
Guest:Sometimes we do shows together, but that's more of like a special thing because he headlines himself.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Did you capture the old bit?
Marc:Bring him out.
Guest:Are they going to flash us?
Marc:Are we done?
Marc:Can we leave now?
Marc:It's interesting to me that there's a whole new generation of comics.
Marc:I talk to a lot of guys in here from all different areas, and you're the real deal.
Marc:And it actually annoys me when people don't give guys who are the real deal the respect they deserve.
Marc:It bothers me.
Marc:What's happened to you?
Marc:In terms of when you're on the road, have you had opportunities to meet guys that you looked up to, like Carlin or Steve Martin or any of those cats?
Marc:Did you ever get any sort of love from any of those cats?
Guest:I never got to meet George Carlin.
Guest:I had an opportunity to watch his very last show, not knowing that it would be his last show.
Guest:He performed in Las Vegas, and then a few days later he had a heart attack.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And we were looking for something to do, my ex-wife and I, that weekend.
Guest:And we were between him and a Neil Diamond impersonator.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:So instead of seeing George Carlin's last stand-up comedy performance, I saw a Neil Diamond impersonator.
Marc:You can go ahead and blame your wife for that.
Guest:No, no, no, no, no, no.
Guest:I mean, we both agreed.
Guest:Come on.
Guest:We both agreed on that.
Guest:All right.
Guest:I gave you a chance there to clear the record.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, I don't know how that happened, Brian.
Guest:So now, you know, I can't say, I saw his last, I say, well, instead of seeing his last show, what I did see.
Guest:Not Neil Diamond.
Guest:No, no, not Neil Diamond.
Guest:No, not Neil Diamond.
Guest:But somebody who sounds a lot like him.
Guest:Wow, how was that show?
Guest:It was fantastic.
Guest:One of the best shows I've ever seen in my life.
Guest:I guess it would have to be.
Guest:That was one of the nights of my life.
Guest:Where do you play when you play Vegas?
Guest:I don't play in Vegas.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I don't like to perform where I live.
Guest:Why do you live there?
Guest:That's where the family is.
Guest:That's where the kids are.
Marc:But you don't have family in Florida anymore?
Guest:Yeah, my mom and dad are still in Florida.
Marc:Right.
Marc:You just settled in Vegas.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you're not a gambler?
No.
No.
Marc:No.
Marc:I'm a $200 guy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Win 200, lose 200, and I'm done.
Marc:That's it.
Marc:That's weird.
Marc:You never want to play there.
Marc:Do you ever go visit your friends that play there?
Guest:Oh, yeah, sure.
Guest:I'm like one of the few people that wants the longest commute possible.
Guest:A lot of people want to.
Guest:I mean, look at you.
Guest:Look at this.
Guest:You work, what, eight feet from your back doorstep?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I want to go to the airport and fly 2,000 miles away from my house and do my work.
Guest:And then when I go home, I want to shut the comedy thing down.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And you have success with that.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I like the two hats.
Guest:If I was just a comedian, I don't think I would have the perspective.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:You have to be a normal life that you can draw from, you know?
Marc:And what do you do for hobbies?
Marc:I don't have a lot, man.
Marc:It's like embarrassing.
Marc:You just kind of hang out with the kids and watch them run around.
Guest:I have one hobby, and it's golf, and I'm horrible at it.
Guest:You'd think I'd gravitate towards something that maybe I have a little skill level at.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I literally shoot about 120 on a round, which if you don't know anything about golf, it's really, really bad.
Marc:And that's it.
Marc:So that's a whole other life.
Marc:You got comedy.
Marc:You got the kids and you're a shitty golfer.
Guest:That's about it.
Marc:You're living the dream.
Guest:That's me in a nutshell.
Guest:Yeah, I'm quite a catch.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Now, if you got offered a television show tomorrow, you'd do it, right?
Guest:If I could have creative control.
Marc:Right.
Guest:You know, if they just wanted to or let me back up a strong creative say, you know what I mean?
Guest:Right.
Guest:Obviously, it'd be a network involved.
Guest:It isn't like they have no say whatsoever.
Guest:But I'm not interested in just kind of being cast in somebody else's vision.
Guest:To me, it's about the comedy.
Marc:Have you ever done any acting like that?
Guest:Not a lot, no.
Marc:Character pieces?
Marc:Like you ever show up on Ray's show?
Marc:Where we say, like, you want to do a thing on Ray's show?
Guest:Never did.
Marc:Never asked?
Guest:I never asked?
Marc:No, they never asked you?
Guest:They never asked, and I never asked.
Guest:I don't like putting my friends in those positions.
Marc:No, I know, I know.
Marc:Have you never showed up as like, hey, there's a guy from... Nah.
Marc:No?
Marc:It's interesting.
Marc:It's interesting to me, because you really are a pure comic.
Marc:Like, you know, there's just never, you know, you're just...
Guest:Stand up.
Guest:You say that now until you hear my Looney Tunes voiceover and go, oh, he's getting off the rails here, man.
Marc:Let's do a phoner with him.
Marc:Do a little follow-up.
Marc:Heard the rabbit thing.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Tell me more about that purity.
Marc:But it's a badge of honor at some level, right?
Marc:I mean, it has to be after a certain point.
Guest:You know, I like it.
Marc:Do you ever get afraid you're going to tap out of it?
Marc:I mean, do you get concerned?
Marc:Do you get tired or like, am I getting too old for this?
Marc:Or do you look at that picture of Rodney and say, it doesn't have to end?
Guest:I like the idea of maybe retiring at some point.
Guest:It'd be nice to get to a point where you don't have to do it anymore.
Guest:But I don't know.
Guest:I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
Guest:But right now, I enjoy the heck out of it.
Marc:Have you ever performed internationally?
Guest:no no no you just don't want to try it i would like you know i i england i'd like to try i'd like to try but i don't know that i have any following over there whatsoever you know so uh listen i have trouble doing shows in canada because i wonder if the the the subject matter crosses that line have you done it up there sure i've done vancouver and toronto and stuff like that right
Guest:But every bit I'm going, do they have this?
Guest:You know, in my head, you know, do they have UPS?
Guest:Do they have, do they have Krispy Kreme?
Guest:Do I change it?
Guest:You know, so it's like an awkward feeling.
Guest:And I can only imagine in England, like at the start of every joke, you know, do they have airplanes?
Marc:Do they... Do they fly?
Marc:The panic.
Marc:Do they live in houses here?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's one step short of like, what do you people eat?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Do you eat things?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You have food?
Guest:You have like dinner, right?
Guest:Do you eat?
Guest:Is it called dinner?
Guest:And I know I'm overly paranoid about it, but it's like, you know, I just, I don't know what would... You know, you hear about certain comedians that, wow, they're huge over there or something.
Guest:And I'm like, I...
Guest:I haven't heard any clamoring from the English people to have me come over.
Guest:We've got to hear your Pop-Tarts bit.
Guest:I don't know if that's a British accent.
Guest:I don't know what accent that was.
Guest:It was close.
Guest:It was good.
Guest:That's my Looney Tunes.
Guest:What is the Looney Tunes gig?
Guest:What was the character you played?
Guest:I play a motivational speaker who Daffy Duck gets turned on to.
Marc:This is a new series of Looney Tunes?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:They just started making them again or something?
Guest:Well, they started making them a few years ago.
Guest:Now those characters are in the modern world, like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck share a house together.
Guest:It's no longer out in the woods.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And I was meeting with the writers, and they were joking about how many jokes can there be out in the woods?
Guest:So they put them in the modern world.
Marc:It's great.
Marc:And it's just that same art?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:But I watch them with my kids, and they're very, very funny.
Guest:How old are your kids?
Guest:My boy is 13.
Guest:My girl is eight.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:So you've had him a while.
Guest:I had my boy 13 years.
Guest:My girl, I'd have to do the math.
Guest:Eight?
Guest:Eight years.
Guest:I've had her eight years.
Guest:Do they ever see you do stand-up?
Guest:Yes, they have.
Guest:On TV or you bring them with you?
Guest:I bring them with me.
Guest:Do they get a kick out of it?
Guest:I don't force it on them.
Guest:And if they are going to watch, I only want them to watch five minutes a night because I don't want them to get, you know.
Guest:You want to keep the material fresh?
Guest:I don't want them rolling their eyes.
Guest:I want them thinking of me as daddy and not a comedian, you know.
Guest:Oh, that's interesting.
Marc:So you really try to keep this separate thing.
Marc:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:And now let's talk about the clean thing.
Marc:Did you ever work dirty at all?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, I was never dirty, but I had dirty bits.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:But it was always a very small percentage of my act.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But I had, I remember when I was doing the hell gigs, I had three F-word jokes.
Guest:I had one I opened with, one I closed with,
Guest:and one floating one when I needed to get the audience back.
Marc:What were they?
Guest:What were the jokes?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, all right.
Guest:You're going to bleep them out?
Guest:No.
Guest:You don't have to bleep.
Guest:One of them is I love when somebody doesn't know how to argue, so the best they can do is just repeat what you said and add my ass to it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Say, I saw this in a parking spot.
Guest:Hey, man, that was my spot.
Guest:Hey, your spot my ass.
Guest:No, no, seriously, I saw it first.
Guest:You saw it my ass.
Guest:So then I say, you got to be careful, like in a holdup, you know?
Guest:Hey, stick them up.
Guest:Hey, stick them up my ass.
Yeah.
Guest:Or, and now here's where it really gets raunchy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Buckle up.
Guest:This is the dirty Brian.
Guest:Finally.
Guest:Or in a bar room brawl, hey, I'm going to fuck you up.
Guest:Hey, fuck me up.
Yeah.
Guest:And then I didn't say it because they already get it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I would pull out my box of bran flakes.
Guest:40% bran flakes.
Marc:So that was the opener in a tough situation.
Guest:Oh, I had an opener.
Guest:That would have been in the middle.
Guest:Oh, that was the floater one.
Marc:That was the floater one.
Guest:Like, I'm losing him.
Guest:Got to get my ass joke.
Guest:Yep.
Guest:And then I'd do that and they'd go, ah, he's kind of funny.
Guest:He is kind of funny.
Guest:We heard the word fuck amplified through a sound system.
Guest:So now we believe in him.
Guest:He saved the night.
Guest:We were starting to lose faith in him with his donut jokes.
Marc:now he's really using his freedom of speech now he's back all right we'll listen a little more isn't that funny that you knew that that like it like it really comes down to that like i'm sloppy i you know if i i use fuck you know to punctuate things i'm not you know i'm not uh i'm not you and my crowd is much smaller but i like i don't but there's no reason you don't need him
Guest:I like all kinds of comedy.
Guest:I like Richard Pryor.
Guest:I like Dave Attell.
Guest:Funny is funny.
Guest:I don't give a shit whether it's clean or dirty.
Guest:I like clean because it's fun for me.
Guest:To me, it's a medium.
Guest:A painter might like to use acrylics.
Guest:I like to do comedy, and I like...
Guest:To me, it's fun to try to do a clean show.
Marc:So it wasn't really an audience thing.
Marc:It was just sort of like, I don't need it.
Guest:It was for me.
Guest:I enjoy it.
Guest:And if there are people out there that happen to like that, well, good, good.
Guest:But that's not I'm not doing it.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:I try to make I try to be careful not to figure out what do they want?
Marc:But was it a challenge to you?
Marc:You're like, I'm going to do this this way because it's even more pure.
Marc:Like it was some sort of comic thing in your mind that this should be able.
Marc:Why put an obstacle in it for for that reason?
Marc:Just to say the word fuck.
Marc:I mean, you're obviously not going to talk about fucking.
Marc:Right.
Marc:So just to say the word fuck, it seems like cheating in a way.
Guest:Well, for me, it was like I realized it was always 5% or less of my act anyway.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And it's like the other stuff was the stuff I was more interested in.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I thought, am I cheating?
Guest:For me.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Not for somebody else.
Marc:No, no, I get it.
Guest:Am I cheating by using the floater to get them back and by the closer?
Guest:I know the laugh if I do this bit.
Guest:So I started saying, I don't want to do that.
Guest:I don't want to feel like I'm doing something because I know I need this for the laugh.
Guest:I wanted to do the stuff that truly interested me.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I tend to just think about more everyday kind of stuff.
Guest:So I started taking it out and I started realizing as a byproduct, wow, there is a
Guest:a market for this, you know?
Marc:Right.
Guest:So why do that 5% when it's not really organic to me anyway?
Marc:Just to make yourself appealing to morons sometimes.
Marc:Right.
Marc:People can't pay attention.
Guest:I don't get it.
Marc:I don't get it.
Marc:He hasn't said anything filthy.
Guest:i saw i don't know maybe i shouldn't i i was in the back of a club one time and uh you know whoever was on stage wasn't doing great you know and then the guy threw uh you know the f word in there and i saw two people in the audience get up and high five each other and i'm like what's happening wow is it that is this the end it's not it's not that hard to say is it
Guest:That was all it took.
Guest:High five.
Guest:Did you hear that?
Guest:And I'm like, I could go whisper that in their ear and just make their night.
Guest:Oh, excuse me.
Guest:I ride my ear.
Marc:But okay, let's talk about, this is an honest question from a comedian, me.
Marc:Bombing.
Marc:When was the last time?
Guest:Probably not too long ago.
Guest:Corporate dates every now and then, they're not there for me.
Guest:They don't know who I am.
Guest:Get on stage and you don't get your foot in the door.
Marc:boom man you know it's just a it's part of the job right on some level i mean because like i sense it like when you're on stage your your read of an audience is so immediate like you know exactly what you're doing and how to push it harder you know when they're not responding the way that you want them to it's an innate it's an instinct so when you're up there and you're like that's a ceiling they're not gonna go beyond that right you just gotta accept that right
Guest:The thing that I think is weird like when you're bombing yeah, okay?
Guest:I Wonder like what is the point?
Guest:Like say you have to do an hour in a corporate show you got to do an hour You're 15 minutes in you've been trying everything you can possibly think of right, and you know You ain't getting them yeah I'm wondering what how does this do anybody any good for me to do the rest of this 45 minutes?
Guest:Why do we have to continue the charade?
Guest:It's like, can't I throw in a towel?
Guest:You win.
Guest:Do you ever say that?
Guest:Well, you know, I'm not, I don't know.
Guest:I'm trying to get better at not, you know, slamming myself when I'm doing poorly, but it's hard.
Guest:It's hard for me.
Guest:That little piece of me, I can't have the audience feel like they know something I don't know.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Like if I'm bombing, I don't want, I can't handle them thinking, does this guy know he sucks?
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I can't just pretend.
Guest:I have to say it out loud.
Guest:Hey, this ain't working.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:I can't pretend.
Guest:So you do say it.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:And I know you're not supposed to.
Guest:It's like, well, you just keep plowing through it and act confident.
Guest:Who made that rule?
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:But you don't ever resort to the floating fuck joke?
Yeah.
Guest:You just feel that floating by?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I did one one time.
Guest:It was a bunch of, like, guys at a golf club, you know, older guys, and I just...
Guest:Nothing.
Guest:I got nothing.
Guest:And it was like the worst bombing ever because they didn't even like all start talking.
Guest:They were nothing but polite.
Guest:They all paid attention.
Marc:You couldn't get through.
Guest:No one heckled.
Guest:Nothing.
Guest:Usually, like if you're not doing well, people start murmuring.
Guest:And in your mind, you go, well, they're not listening.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:You can justify it in your head.
Guest:This, they were all doing nothing but 100% focus, not a laugh.
Yeah.
Guest:You know, got off stage and this guy just hands me a glass of scotch on the rocks.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Says, I thought you might want this.
Guest:And I'm like, you're you're correct.
Guest:And he said, I don't even drink scotch, but I sure did that night.
Guest:And he goes, I'm just curious.
Guest:And he wasn't meaning it to be a drink.
Guest:He goes, I'm just curious.
Guest:What do you do for a living?
Guest:And I'm thinking, does he think that that's what I do every night?
Guest:Like, that's the reaction?
Guest:And I'm like, I do that every night.
Guest:And he's like, you do that every night?
Guest:Yep.
Guest:I do that every night, and then I get off and I guzzle scotch.
Guest:That's a hard way to go through life.
Guest:You know, if I bomb, I bomb big.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because I'm physical and silly and crouching.
Guest:If you're a monologist, you know, sometimes I fantasize when I am bombing that I wish I was just doing one-liners and I could pretend like they're not supposed to be funny.
Guest:I can't pretend with my act that it's not supposed to be funny.
Guest:Because each bit's like three or four minutes.
Guest:And I'm like, imagine that to stone-cold, wide-eyed silence.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, my God, it's horrible.
Guest:It's just nothing but awkward, you know?
Guest:And then I got to reset.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I'm resetting.
Guest:There's no purpose to reset.
Guest:There was no laugh to begin with.
Guest:All right, now that that's done.
Guest:Let me bore you with this!
Guest:But usually just corporates, though, right?
Guest:Those are awkward situations to begin with.
Guest:Well, you know, now, because if I'm performing in a theater, they kind of know who they're going to see.
Guest:It's a different story, you know?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I would have bad shows and comedy clubs, you know?
Guest:It's like all it takes is, you know, you can have 90% of the people there to see you, and then...
Guest:Hey, it's Fred's 40th birthday party from work.
Guest:Yeah, that's all it takes.
Guest:I'm not good at that.
Marc:Bachelorette parties?
Marc:Oh, man.
Marc:It's just, I don't understand it.
Marc:Like when bachelorettes come and you just see some variation of a cock somewhere on a hat.
Marc:I had one thrown at me.
Marc:You know.
Guest:A cock.
Guest:Not, you know, like, talk about this.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Hey, it's Batch Rapper.
Guest:Here's a big pink rubber penis.
Guest:Would you stop talking about Fig Newtons and refer to this big pink rubber penis, please?
Guest:What did you do?
Guest:Oh, man, I did 10 minutes on that big pink rubber penis.
Guest:The likes of which no one's ever seen.
Guest:I wish it was on YouTube.
Guest:I just set it to the side.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:I just kind of kicked it to the side and continued to bomb.
Guest:As if no one's not there.
Guest:That's why you're not doing that in the clubs anymore.
Guest:I tell you, it is fun to win over a crowd that you know is not there to see you.
Guest:It's wild, right?
Guest:When you do a corporate show and you get them rocking and rolling, you go, okay, this is cool.
Guest:But there's also something very fun about being able to kind of enjoy the fact that you have a following.
Marc:Be open.
Marc:You can be a little more vulnerable.
Marc:You're like, these people know me.
Marc:I can take some risks.
Marc:I can be a little silly and goofy and go off on some tangents.
Marc:Yeah, that's the first time for me in my life.
Marc:But there's this weird thing that hangs in my mind.
Marc:It's like my training was to make strangers laugh.
Marc:That's what I was trained to do.
Guest:Well, we switch our gears, right?
Guest:Like, you know, my whole starting routine was making fun of people leaving while I'm on stage.
Guest:At some point, I had to adjust.
Marc:Yeah, we're evolving.
Marc:Well, I'm fucking, like, see, now I'm aware of the, like, I'm saying fuck.
Marc:Well, I'm fucking glad you came by.
Guest:Hey.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Guest:Come on.
Marc:I'm very happy that you stopped by.
Marc:I hope you enjoyed this.
Marc:I had a great time.
Marc:I have a tremendous amount of respect for you.
Guest:Thank you very much.
Guest:And likewise.
Guest:I'm very happy for you, Mark.
Guest:You're doing great with this thing and good for you.
Marc:Thanks, Brian.
Marc:Thanks for coming.
Marc:Brian Regan, straight-up comedy talk from one of the best comedians in the business.
Marc:Hope you enjoyed that.
Marc:Go see him this weekend if you're in the Charlotte, North Carolina area at the Comedy Zone.
Marc:That's tomorrow and Saturday.
Marc:So, what else?
Marc:That's it.
Marc:That's our show.
Marc:I'm going on vacation, but I will be here for you.
Marc:I will be here for you.
Marc:over the next few days.
Marc:Monday, Thursday, I'll be here.
Marc:Just like I always am.
Marc:I shouldn't have even told you.
Marc:But anyways, go to WTFPod.com for all your WTFPod needs.
Marc:Get yourself the Mark and Tom show.
Marc:Me and Tom Sharpling got that new show up.
Marc:You didn't pick that up.
Marc:People are enjoying that.
Marc:Get you a link to that.
Marc:You can get on the mailing list.
Marc:You can get some merch.
Marc:Get yourself a new Coop shirt, some coffee mugs.
Marc:A lot of things going on over there.
Marc:Kick in a few shekels if you want to.
Marc:Get the premium app.
Marc:Holy fuck, check my calendar.
Marc:All right, enough.
Marc:Enough is enough.
Marc:Am I right?
Marc:I'm right.
Marc:My God, my foot is fucking shaking and my head hurts.
Marc:I need a fucking vacation.