Episode 29 - Andy Kindler
Guest 1:Are we doing this?
Guest 2:Really?
Guest 2:Wait for it.
Guest 2:Are we doing this?
Guest 2:Wait for it.
Guest 2:Pow!
Guest 2:What the fuck?
Guest 2:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Guest 2:What's wrong with me?
Guest 2:It's time for WTF?
Guest 2:What the fuck?
Guest 2:With Mark Maron.
Marc:Okay, let's do this, what the fuckers, what the fuckheads.
Marc:I think we decided against that one.
Marc:I'm still getting a lot of requests for different types of greetings for you people.
Marc:I'm happy you're on board.
Marc:Welcome to the show.
Marc:Hope you're having a good day.
Marc:Hope you're having a good time.
Marc:On today's show, I'm very excited to have Andy Kindler, the amazing, the spectacular, the funny, the completely unpredictable and very Jewish Andy Kindler will be here in the garage with me momentarily.
Marc:So I'm sitting here with about five or six extra pounds of turkey weight sitting on my body.
Marc:Turkey weight, cranberry sauce weight, stuffing weight.
Marc:Because, you know, planet food is different.
Marc:When you're out of town, for some reason, what you ingest doesn't count.
Marc:And I had a pretty good time over Thanksgiving.
Marc:It was good to see my mom.
Marc:I was good to be there long enough to learn how to accept and tolerate her boyfriend, who's a nice guy, and my mom's happy with him.
Marc:But it's very hard because you have all these judgments that you have in your head about your mom and what she should be doing and what she shouldn't be doing.
Marc:But who the hell am I to judge?
Marc:He's a nice guy.
Marc:I mean, what the fuck is my problem exactly?
Marc:So that went well.
Marc:But then I'm on the plane to Vancouver and I had this weird thought run through my head because I'm sitting there.
Marc:I upgraded to first class for 50 extra dollars since I didn't buy the ticket.
Marc:So I went ahead and upgraded.
Marc:But it's not that great on Alaska Airlines.
Marc:I mean, I got a little more leg room and they gave me a snack.
Marc:So the snack they give me is like celery sticks, carrot sticks, some dip and some little pitas stuffed with hummus.
Marc:It was it was fine.
Marc:But I ran out of carrot sticks and I still had dip left.
Marc:So I got a little aggravated.
Marc:And a little I didn't go into a complete what the fuck mode, but I was, you know, I needed more carrots.
Marc:So I asked the flight attendant guy, is he got more carrots?
Marc:He's like, no, I don't have any more carrots.
Marc:Not like he has a big bag of carrots back there.
Marc:I mean, he just has each tray.
Marc:And then the guy sitting next to me, who I don't know, says, I'm not going to eat my carrots.
Marc:And it was one of these weird, awkward moments where where etiquette had to be transcended because I had dip left.
Marc:And I said, yeah, hell yeah, I'll eat your carrot.
Marc:So I sort of scooped his carrots onto my tray.
Marc:Like you remember in elementary school when someone didn't want their dessert and you lock the trays together at the tops and you just take your spoon and run the stuff that they wanted to give you over the top of the tray into your tray.
Marc:So I was a little nostalgic in that way.
Marc:So I took this guy's carrots and I ate his carrots.
Marc:I had no problem with it.
Marc:And then I got off on this whole riff in my head, this whole tangent about how much food is wasted.
Marc:And why can't we do that at restaurants?
Marc:I mean, how dangerous is it?
Marc:It can't be a germ thing.
Marc:It's just an inappropriate thing.
Marc:I think that we have to reevaluate how much food we waste in this country.
Marc:I grew up in a household where wasting food was a reasonable thing to do if it would stop you from getting fat.
Marc:But I started to think about, because I watch the Food Channel a lot, because I think it's exciting and it makes me happy.
Marc:But if you watch Iron Chef or any of these food shows, they make about three or four versions of the dish, and then they usually have a mountain of food sitting there that is not being used just as a display.
Marc:If you go to supermarkets and you really think about how much of the shit goes bad, if you live in a neighborhood with a big supermarket with a deli section, you look at the salads, the potato salads, the coleslaw, whatever they have mountains of in the back,
Marc:I mean, how long does that shit really last?
Marc:And what are they doing with the stuff they don't use?
Marc:And isn't it sort of abominable given the nature of corporate farming, given the nature of corporate agriculture, given the nature of how little control we have over all these elements in terms of regulations, in terms of food safety, just how much food we fucking waste.
Marc:And I really got obsessed with it on this airplane because I thought I'd done something noble by taking this guy's carrots.
Marc:That's a great...
Marc:Element of my eating disorder is that moment where I say I'd have to eat this because I don't want to throw it away because, you know, a pig died for this or a carrot died for this and and and someone else could be eating this.
Marc:It'd be a shame to throw it away.
Marc:So I'm going to shove it into my fat face.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So I go off in this riff where I'm thinking about all this food being wasted.
Marc:I know some people say, well, you know, some supermarkets have situations or agreements with homeless shelters or soup kitchens where they give stuff that isn't bad, but expire to them so they can feed the homeless.
Marc:I don't know about all that, but I do know that a hell of a lot of food is being thrown in the garbage.
Marc:So I'm just trying to think of some practical ideas that could maybe make it so the food is used.
Marc:And like, OK, so let's say there's an expensive restaurant where people get served very nice food.
Marc:And a lot of times they have extra food or they have food they don't use or someone doesn't eat their side dish.
Marc:Why can't there be a backroom restaurant at fancy restaurants for people that would not be able to afford to eat at the regular restaurant and you have to go around back?
Marc:But I say that instead of the dumpster, instead of, you know, why not set up some picnic tables in the back of nice restaurants?
Marc:Maybe mandate it where people can come and eat for free or next to nothing.
Marc:Or why not make it okay to just go into restaurants?
Marc:Why can't it be okay to go into restaurants if you're dressed nicely or you act properly and just take a once around the restaurant and say things like, are you not eating that?
Marc:Are you done with that bread?
Marc:Do you mind?
Marc:And just take it off the table.
Marc:Okay, it would interrupt dinner, but I think we'd get used to it and I think it would be the right thing to do.
Marc:So what if you're eating at a nice restaurant, you're having a romantic dinner or a business dinner, and somebody comes up that isn't necessarily smelly or awkward in the restaurant and just says, look, you know, I was just passing by.
Marc:I'm a little hungry.
Marc:If you're not going to eat that, can I eat that?
Marc:And you just scoop it into a bowl or, you know, into a styrofoam thing and you walk out.
Marc:I don't think that's horrible.
Marc:All right, here's the other thing that I have on my mind.
Marc:It wasn't so much of a what-the-fuck moment as much as it was a sort of sad realization that time is passing.
Marc:I watched the Hall of Fame concert on HBO, all 19 hours of it.
Marc:Could it be a longer fucking concert?
Marc:I know they put two together.
Marc:I know we all want to see our favorite rock personalities play with other rock personalities, but it was a little long, and I missed the first half hour, and I still couldn't sit through the whole goddamn thing.
Marc:And I like music and I am prone to hero worship.
Marc:There are people that are instilled in my head from when I was a younger person.
Marc:And I have to be honest, and I didn't want to say this, but I had this feeling before when I saw the Martin Scorsese movie.
Marc:But Mick Jagger, it's time to sit down.
Marc:It's time to take a rest.
Marc:uh you've done well you did good we're all grateful for you but please please sit down mick came out and sang with bono they did a miserable version of gimme shelter with the with fergie i think it was from the black eyed peas or i don't know see this is my problem this is another issue is that i am getting older i don't know enough about new music not because i'm so hung up on old music i just don't have the fucking time to get into everything
Marc:But she had a good voice, but it was sort of miserable.
Marc:And Mick was just, you know, he looked a little desperate, a little old.
Marc:I was happy to see him.
Marc:And Bono, quite frankly, and I'm a U2 fan to a certain degree, became very annoying.
Marc:And throughout the entire evening, Springsteen was sort of in and out.
Marc:I'm not a huge Springsteen guy, but I got to tell you, in the great war of egos, in getting across to me musically, Springsteen did a great job.
Marc:There was no cock bigger than Springsteen's on that stage all night long.
Marc:Even with Metallica, because I know some people tend towards that.
Marc:They think that the momentum and the intensity equals cock power.
Marc:But in terms of cock ego, I think that Springsteen, in his earnest, subtle way, definitely won.
Marc:And another problem, Graham Nash, a little irritating.
Marc:I was happy to see all you guys could still sing, and you're all still alive, and I'm glad the kidney's working out for you, Crosby.
Marc:But all right, you've got your place.
Marc:It was okay to see you.
Marc:There was a time where I liked you all, and I'm happy to see you.
Marc:But I'm not that old a boomer.
Marc:I'm just barely a boomer, so I was not that excited about it.
Marc:oddly the most powerful moment for me even lou reed lou reed came out and did a song with metallica so did ray davies
Marc:Lou, again, I'm happy you're still alive.
Marc:Thanks for showing up.
Marc:But you can just hang out.
Marc:Just hang out.
Marc:You did your work.
Marc:It was good.
Marc:I'm glad you're still out there.
Marc:I like to hear your stories.
Marc:But it was a little sad.
Marc:That's what I'm feeling.
Marc:A little sadness at the passing of the dinosaurs.
Marc:The time has fully passed.
Marc:Mick Jagger, Lou Reed.
Marc:Loved you guys.
Marc:But it makes me a little sad to see you now.
Marc:High Points of the Night, oddly.
Marc:Simon and Garfunkel.
Marc:Paul Simon, annoying, irritating.
Marc:I seethe with contempt, though I cannot deny that I love some of his music.
Marc:Then Art Garfunkel comes out.
Marc:older still with the hair okay i can do it i can accept it as well you know because there is wisdom in these voices that have matured there is something that shifts these are professionals they are artists so there is something that happens when they get older that can be very you know deeper and and more interesting and in just a sort of
Marc:evolution for them some of them but art garfunkel gets out there with paul simon sings his fucking balls off and hits the notes and and during a bridge over troubled water what happens paul simon takes the second verse
Marc:Art Garfunkel has one song of his own in this outfit.
Marc:You can't give him the verse, Paul.
Marc:Really, after 900 records, Grammys, you ditched the guy a long time ago.
Marc:He sits around waiting for you to ask him to come play.
Marc:He had a couple good solo albums.
Marc:You can't give him the second verse.
Marc:You cannot share the limelight to give Artie both verses of the one song that he sings.
Marc:Fucking unbelievable.
Marc:I know these aren't big problems, but these were issues I had.
Marc:Moving on, I would be remiss to not address that our President Obama has now taken ownership of the war in Afghanistan, something I'm very against.
Marc:I think it's a clusterfuck.
Marc:I think that it is an impossible situation, and I think that him taking responsibility and owning it by putting more troops in and then asking for a – and saying that they'll be out, I'm just getting a little tired of it.
Marc:I think it's a heinous effort.
Marc:I think it's an unwinnable effort.
Marc:And I resent it.
Marc:And I've always been against that war.
Marc:And an interesting thing happened to me because I am not, I've been in situations where I see soldiers in airports and it's always interesting to me to see soldiers in uniform at airports.
Marc:I've been seeing a lot because I flew through Texas and I flew into Atlanta and I seen a lot of soldiers and people come up to them and they thank them for their service.
Marc:And I saw this young soldier at the airport in Atlanta going to Florida.
Marc:And people were walking up to him thanking him for his service.
Marc:And he didn't seem to really register it.
Marc:It wasn't that he looked like he was out of his mind or anything, but he didn't seem to know how to handle it.
Marc:And it turns out that I get on the plane and I'm sitting next to him.
Marc:And there's a seat between us next to this soldier in uniform, a young kid.
Marc:And I'm sitting there.
Marc:I've got my vintage peace sign button on.
Marc:And I look the way I look.
Marc:He looks the way he looks.
Marc:And I don't really know what to say to him.
Marc:And he takes out his computer at some point during the flight.
Marc:And he starts playing video games.
Marc:And I said, so what is that?
Marc:And he tells me, you know, he downloaded a console from a video game he used to play when he was a kid.
Marc:It wasn't Atari.
Marc:It wasn't Sega.
Marc:It was one I didn't know.
Marc:But he was very excited about it.
Marc:And he was very excited that he could play these games that he played when he was a kid.
Marc:This guy must not have been older than 22 or 23 years.
Marc:So I asked him if he had been to Iraq.
Marc:He said, yeah, he'd been there.
Marc:He'd already done one tour of duty.
Marc:He was in the artillery.
Marc:He got two weeks downtime for Thanksgiving to spend with his mother in Florida.
Marc:So I asked him how it was over there in Afghanistan.
Marc:And he says he's having a great time.
Marc:He's enjoying jumping out of planes.
Marc:He's enjoying being there.
Marc:He enjoys the people that he's working with.
Marc:I said, well, do you see much action?
Marc:Have you seen much work?
Marc:Have you gotten into firefights?
Marc:I was trying to sort of push through to find if there was any emotion in this in terms of his reaction to seeing action.
Marc:And he said, no, he was in the artillery and they had not encountered that.
Marc:And it was just interesting to me to sort of talk to him.
Marc:And he showed me some pictures of Afghanistan and his unit.
Marc:And I asked him what he wanted to do.
Marc:Is he going to be a career military?
Marc:And he just really doesn't know.
Marc:He didn't really know what he wanted to do.
Marc:He didn't know where he was going.
Marc:He didn't really have a place to live other than the base.
Marc:And he was a very nice kid.
Marc:And he was very excited to be part of this effort.
Marc:And I didn't get into the idea of, you know, what are you fighting for?
Marc:What are we fighting for?
Marc:You know, do you feel it's national interest?
Marc:Do you feel that you were defending the country?
Marc:But it was the same story of a young person who got involved with the army because, you know, it felt like it would give him some some structure.
Marc:And I don't know.
Marc:It's just sometimes it's hard for me to separate from my politics about how I feel about the war and the people that serve in it.
Marc:And I know I have a lot of guys who are in the armed forces and women who listen to my show.
Marc:And I do appreciate what they're doing.
Marc:And in some respects, I...
Marc:And there's part of me that feels grateful that they have chosen to defend the country.
Marc:But also, you know, there's some part of me that thinks like, well, don't you want to ask some questions?
Marc:Shouldn't your commitment be fueled by some sort of criticism or ideological debate about why we're in Afghanistan?
Marc:But a lot of times it is just a certain mindset that wants to serve the country for whatever reason they have.
Marc:And they do it.
Marc:And it really connected me with that when I talked to this guy.
Marc:And then I read an article in Time Magazine about post-traumatic stress disorder and how under-managed it is and how it's still stigmatized.
Marc:Because I always felt a little awkward when people would thank the troops at the airport and I'd see it because it just seemed peculiar to me.
Marc:But it seems that one of the instigators or one of the horrible things about post-traumatic stress is that
Marc:When these guys go to war, you know, now we're in two of them, two ridiculous wars that the people stateside, you know, if the agenda isn't isn't collective or if it isn't in the public eye, you know, as it should be in a critical way, as much as as it can be, is that people who just live their lives here, they you know, these guys go off to war and then they forget about it.
Marc:And these guys come home from war and it's not like Vietnam where they're they meet resistance, but they just meet sort of apathy.
Marc:that it's just off the public radar in a way, and that stigmatizes them in the sense that they suppress their post-traumatic stress and the lack of appreciation for them going over there and dealing with death and seeing carnage and going through what they're going through.
Marc:And they come back, and people are like, wow, so do you get to drive a Jeep?
Marc:There is no appreciation, and that makes it worse for them.
Marc:And this is going to be a huge problem because of the thousands of people that are there and how prevalent.
Marc:And I just really think that the awareness of it has to be elevated a bit.
Marc:But I did feel a little humbled by the whole thing.
Marc:And I sort of changed my mind about the idea that we may not know it and we may not agree with it, but these guys are going through some serious shit.
Guest 3:Have you done radio before?
Guest 3:No.
Guest 3:Oh, I know how to do it.
Guest 3:65 degrees downtown Eagle Rock.
Guest 3:Come up in a half hour, we'll be giving away some Aerosmith tickets, so stay tuned for that.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:See, you kind of got the levels there for what?
Guest 3:We could get a little bit of the wet stuff this weekend.
Guest 3:What do you mean?
Guest 3:Are we looking at snow?
Guest 3:No, no.
Guest 3:When I say the wet stuff, I mean rain.
Guest 3:Oh, rain.
Marc:Snow is a little bit of the cold, frozen thing.
Marc:It's the fluffy stuff, the cold, fluffy stuff that falls out.
Marc:I am in my garage with Andy Kindler.
Marc:I've been looking forward to this, though it is that time of the day where people our age take naps or have lunch.
Guest 3:It's sad, isn't it?
Guest 3:If you want to call it a siesta to make it sound more exotic.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:I don't find the nap helps, though, do you?
Guest 3:I feel terrible after.
Marc:Well, sometimes if I nap and I don't do it right, it can go on the rest of the day.
Guest 3:Yeah, and then on until the next day.
Marc:Yeah, and then you take a break to eat.
Marc:Napping is the only consistent thing, and then you actually wake up to eat.
Marc:I haven't gotten that yet.
Marc:I wish napping was the poor man something.
Guest 3:We need more poor man's things.
Guest 3:I think napping's the poor man's night's sleep.
Guest 3:Could that work?
Guest 3:Hey, poverty is the poor man's entire life.
Guest 3:I think we got it.
Guest 3:Hey, it's like smarter than his fifth grader.
Guest 3:That's a great show.
Guest 3:I've not watched that show.
Guest 3:I did.
Guest 3:I watched it once with my folks.
Guest 3:Yeah?
Guest 3:And did they like it?
Guest 3:Who likes it?
Guest 3:It's nice.
Guest 3:No, nobody likes it.
Guest 3:Even my parents like it.
Guest 3:Well, my parents like anything that has questions in it because they enjoy that.
Guest 3:But at the end, Jeff Foxworthy does one of his, he does a bit, he does a joke.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:If you don't know, if you only know things on a fourth grade level, then you might not be smarter than a fifth grader.
Guest 3:So everything's a comparison.
Guest 3:He buttons it up with his, I think it used to be done for his redneck premises.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:How it sounds familiar to me.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And he just wanted, if he figured if the timing was right, the people that enjoyed that will enjoy the analogy.
Marc:Well, I think he thinks the structure is golden.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 3:Hey, if you might not do this, maybe you can do this.
Guest 3:Maybe you're this.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:That's genius.
Guest 3:And this is what has kept us not reaching the upper echelons.
Guest 3:Well, when I say the upper echelons, I mean the big money.
Guest 3:It's our ability to come up with something that everyone will love on a daily basis.
Guest 3:Have you ever tried?
Guest 3:T-shirts?
Guest 3:Well, T-shirts are different, but a hook.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest 3:I have tried a hook.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:What do you got?
Guest 3:Same old, same old.
Guest 3:I also just shows to go you.
Marc:That was mine.
Guest 3:Yeah, that was good.
Guest 3:What else you got?
Guest 3:That's my peanut butter.
Marc:june jerry who's talking now i see you have more i know i just i invented that one just now who's talking now excuse how about this one excuse me i've got the mic i like that yeah i've actually said that yeah but not repetitive you might have said that
Guest 3:One off is another one of my favorite expressions now.
Guest 3:It's a one off.
Guest 3:It's a one off.
Guest 3:Never happened again.
Guest 3:Never happened again.
Guest 3:It was that one night.
Guest 3:But you don't say every show.
Guest 3:Who's on the mic.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:And then you don't sell a whole bunch of things related to it.
Guest 3:Although I'm on the selling bus now.
Guest 3:You are?
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:What do you sell?
Guest 3:Well, I have the DVD.
Guest 3:I wish I was bitter.
Marc:Do you sell an Andy Kinler hanky?
Marc:No.
Marc:Andy Kingler.
Marc:Schvitzhanky.
Marc:I just want to say this up front because I want you to know that I've gotten some emails saying that the show is too jewy.
Guest 3:Serious?
Guest 3:Who would write that that would listen to this show?
Guest 3:I could see people, if you were on Y95, whatever that is.
Guest 3:But who listening to this show would think?
Guest 3:Y95?
Guest 3:What is it?
Guest 3:It just sounds like something good.
Guest 3:It's like QCash.
Guest 3:I'll give you $2,000 in QCash.
Marc:Oh.
Marc:No, it was one email.
Marc:And, of course, I made it much bigger than it needed to be and took it as some sort of not even veiled anti-Semitic thing.
Marc:Because I'd had Nick Kroll on it.
Marc:And someone said that I referred to my Jewishness a lot and I'm not, I'm certainly not as Jewish as you.
Marc:And, uh, and I mean that in a good way.
Guest 3:Yeah, no, you should mean it in a good way because I think I don't want it to become my, my hook.
Guest 3:Who's a Jew?
Guest 1:I'm a Jew.
Guest 3:But his point was wasp it up?
Marc:Well, his point was like, why do you got to talk about it so much?
Marc:Like, what about us non-Jews who take offense to the fact that you Jews are talking about being Jewish all the time?
Marc:It's not my fault that at this point you're feeling excluded because that's been the bane of our people.
Marc:Well, first of all, I like when I can feel the seethe start to rise in you.
Yeah.
Marc:That's one of my favorites.
Marc:I only see it in the opening segment.
Marc:During the guest segment, I try to be as diplomatic as possible.
Guest 3:Oh, so you've already done Where's Your Beef?
Guest 3:Your beef segment?
Marc:And What Sticks in Your Craw?
Marc:No, it's called Who's Got the Mic?
Marc:I Got the Mic.
Marc:Right, right.
Marc:Right.
Marc:So then you talk about what's bothering you.
Marc:Right, right.
Marc:And then I ask myself, Mark, what's your beef?
Marc:And I say, shut up.
Marc:Letterman already did that.
Marc:To myself, I say that.
Marc:And then I say, well, what should I call this segment?
Marc:And then I say, why don't you just talk for a few minutes?
Marc:And I say, that's a good thing to call it.
Marc:I'm just going to talk for a few minutes.
Marc:Are you your own sidekick, too?
Marc:You don't have any crazy people?
Marc:Occasionally, I play the guy over here going, ha, ha.
Marc:Oh, shit.
Marc:And then I go like, easy, buddy.
Marc:Oh, no.
Marc:Is his name Buddy?
Marc:Is that his name?
Marc:Buddy.
Marc:But I think the one question that Andy Kindler probably gets, and I don't think you get it in an interview format, but you probably get it from relatives and people that like you.
Marc:Why aren't you bigger?
Guest 3:Yeah, I get that a lot.
Guest 3:I get that from my dad, who has always been hilarious and continues to be hilarious, but he's become a lot more curmudgingly, curmudgingly.
Guest 3:Whatever is on TV, he says, why wasn't that available to you?
Guest 3:Yeah, I hate that.
Marc:My father did the thing where he goes, you know Bill Maher, why don't you just call him?
Marc:Like, I love that one.
Marc:Like, all right, I'll call him.
Marc:I'll call Bill and I'll say, Bill, what do you say?
Marc:Can I have your job?
Guest 3:I mean, I don't know what they're asking you to do.
Guest 3:I just think that they think that, I think they just want us to be, well, my dad would like me to be happy and he'd also like to bother me.
Marc:Yeah, I always take it as some sort of insult, but I think that's the wrong way to take it.
Marc:I think they're just trying to be supportive and they want the best for you.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But my father also wants to see me, he wants to win.
Marc:I'm not sure what, it's unclear to me, but I've decided that it's a battle of some sort.
Guest 3:Well, also my parents, everybody wants things if you had the right people around you, that's the whole thing.
Guest 3:Why are the people around you doing it?
Marc:But, you know, if you really think about Andy, and I think about it a lot, you know, at any given time, there's only five or six guys that are, you know, that much in the national spotlight.
Marc:You know, that big.
Guest 3:Right.
Guest 3:We were talking about that in Montreal this year.
Guest 3:No, you're just talking about how you were saying you see these kids as they're coming up and they're all excited.
Yeah.
Marc:Like, yeah, it's all going to happen.
Guest 3:It's all going to happen this year.
Marc:I don't know what the, you know, you draw all these lines, but I mean, you didn't start, you started like I started in shitty comedy clubs at open mics when there were no comic run rooms.
Marc:There were no open, uh, there was no, uh, alternative comedy scene and you did a straight standup.
Marc:We called it in the day.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:I feel very glad that I was able to have that kind of background for standup.
Guest 3:I would really not have wanted just an alternative background.
Marc:Yeah, I don't know what the hell alternative.
Marc:I mean, I ended up doing it because it was a good place to work out.
Guest 3:Right.
Marc:Yeah, and then it was like, I don't know, is this a movement?
Guest 3:I think all movements are in relation.
Guest 3:See, what happens is all categories don't work.
Guest 3:So whenever there's a category that you have to use for categorical purposes, then people go, oh, what are you saying it is?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 3:So your alternative, what are you saying that is?
Marc:Yeah, I don't know what that is.
Marc:I think it was just the way comedy reinvented itself.
Marc:Because when we were starting out, there was hack comics, there were boat acts, there was just boat comics.
Marc:And then there were all those guys that came in that, like, you know, when they made happy hours illegal, all of a sudden you had singing people in comedy clubs.
Marc:You remember?
Guest 3:I don't remember when they had happy hours illegal.
Marc:Yeah, well, they just stopped.
Guest 3:In some states, you couldn't do that.
Guest 3:Oh, you do a happy hour, yeah.
Right.
Guest 3:But I played a club in Iowa, and at first I got scared.
Guest 3:I hadn't been to Iowa in a long time, and the first night I was like, oh, you get spoiled by alternative clubs sometimes.
Guest 3:But then you realize it's ridiculous.
Guest 3:You're in the nightclub business.
Guest 3:What do you want to have happen?
Marc:I have an easier time at regular comedy clubs because then the expectation is very simple.
Marc:We don't know who you are.
Marc:Could you make us laugh, please?
Marc:Alternative comedy clubs, a lot of times I think the audience is pretending to be smarter than they are, pretending to be part of something that doesn't really exist other than through glasses frames and certain shoes, and they answer to those things, and they become more difficult to me.
Guest 3:I think any time that you're living up to a concept rather than just...
Guest 3:Being yourself, you're in trouble.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, let's talk about show business.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:I've had this conversation with you before.
Marc:Let me ask you a question.
Marc:We've had a conversation.
Marc:This time, we're not going to get lost.
Marc:We're not going to get lost in a car.
Marc:And we're not going to fight.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Okay?
Marc:But like some people say, Andy Kindler, he's one of the funniest guys that I've ever seen in my life.
Marc:I think he's probably in the top two or three funniest people in the world.
Marc:Why does he spend so much time talking about show business?
Guest 3:Right.
Guest 3:That's a they that I made up.
Guest 3:Well, I think there is a certain point to that because I think if all I did talk about was show business, it would get boring.
Guest 3:And that's why I'm introducing my new food segment.
Yeah.
Guest 3:Why do they call them grapes?
Guest 3:They're not gray.
Guest 3:Let's get back to show business, shall we?
Guest 3:They don't descend from apes.
Guest 3:I think it's because I'm obsessed with what's... For example, I just love watching... The worse Jay Leno's show gets, the more I enjoy watching it.
Guest 3:And so the only thing that can be bad is if I'm going on and on about 10 to 10 or one of his segments.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:And then you find out that less people just don't care about it.
Guest 3:So they really haven't watched it.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:And then they don't know what you're talking about.
Guest 3:But for me, I just feel like I can't stop watching it.
Guest 3:I used to like watching bad comedy.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:But then that got old to me.
Guest 3:I mean, bad stand-ups.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:In the 90s, you'd watch bad stand-ups.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest 3:But now to watch bad comedy, you have to go out of the stand-up world to someone like Jay Leno.
Yeah.
Guest 3:it's great i don't understand that show you didn't like him to begin with right i was never a bit well in the 80s i was i did like him when he would come and be on letterman and he had his beef yeah stuff like that but then he became very into the people people pleasers i'm not crazy about i used to in the old days like people pleasers because i like him better than the angry people but then you realize that sometimes the angry people are more real right and what do you what do you call what you do
Guest 3:As a person?
Guest 3:No, on stage.
Guest 3:I'm the, I don't know, why do I talk about show business so much?
Guest 3:What I do, I'm in the, as my current joke says, I used to be in the deconstruction business before I didn't build a house, I just comment about it.
Guest 3:Drywall looks like wet wall.
Eee.
Guest 3:But this is where we are seeing potty co.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:And this is also where we've developed over the years.
Guest 3:Because I really see your, well, having worked with you recently, I feel that you've gone through the next level, too.
Marc:I've gotten softer.
Marc:I've realized that it's exhausting to force yourself to be angry about everything.
Marc:So what I do is I'll be angry about something, and then I'll talk about me for a while.
Yeah.
Marc:and then i'll get a little angry and then i'll say isn't uh isn't a nice sandwich good right yeah i just get tired but you you just go yeah well let's talk about let's talk about this thing like okay here's an example of where we we diverge is that right yeah like um you know you went on a fairly long and focused attack and
Guest 3:of Dane Cook yeah back in the day not so much anymore because it's right but like I've got to this point where it's like I didn't even give a shit about him well you're right and I think that in general you have to there gets to be that point where you go okay well okay you've said your thing and what's the point of it after a while
Guest 3:The only thing that's made me talk about him again is when I find something new.
Guest 3:He happened to be in Quad Cities when I was in Quad Cities, and he was playing the iWireList Center.
Guest 1:Arena, yeah.
Guest 3:Arena.
Guest 3:And I was playing Penguins.
Guest 3:And it was really a fun time.
Guest 3:But it just was funny because it was a big pullout.
Guest 3:Dane Cook, me, and Paula Poundstone.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:So Dane Cook was $102 a ticket.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:I was $14 a ticket.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:And then Paula Poundstone was $30 a ticket.
Guest 3:So I just love where we are in our careers.
Guest 3:But the thing that made me laugh was he did this whole thing about how he has all these cameras that are on him, and so that if he does a subtle, nuanced movement, the people in the back can see it, so they really feel like they're part of a show.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:So that made me laugh.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:Even if you go to a Dane Cook concert, you'll have a feeling you're actually there at a concert.
Guest 3:You have a chance of feeling that you can make a connection to him.
Guest 3:So that made me laugh.
Guest 3:But otherwise, I can't keep going back over the same thing that bothers me about him.
Marc:Now, when we were working together, so you're commenting more on politics now.
Marc:Yeah, I do.
Marc:I do.
Marc:That's good.
Marc:The libertarian thing.
Marc:I can't remember what it was.
Guest 3:It was about Ron Paul, about how libertarians go, you know, they sound normal and then they're two sentences.
Guest 3:The government shouldn't have a fire department that puts... Every family should have a bucket brigade.
Guest 3:We should be on the gold standard.
Guest 3:We should have a barter system.
Guest 3:I'll give you a fish, you give me a pelt.
Guest 3:But you must be more political now, because I really am in the Obama camp, and I'm ready to stay in that camp, and I kind of trust him.
Guest 3:He's my go-to person to trust.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:I just don't trust anybody else but him.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I have fallen out a little bit.
Marc:The Afghanistan thing makes me makes me uncomfortable.
Marc:I don't know why he had to go out and take ownership of that war.
Marc:Other than it's like it's the one campaign promise he's decided to go full bore into.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Like that'll be a public option, closing Guantanamo, all these other things that were really nice ideas.
Marc:He's like, we'll see what happens.
Marc:But Afghanistan, I'm dumping 30,000 troops into there.
Guest 3:But one thing I think that I've come to realize that's starting to bother me, that I see generally in life, is like, you know, we are ego-based people.
Guest 3:Comedians are ego-based people.
Guest 3:And anybody who has an ego is an ego-based person.
Guest 3:But if you're a comedian or whatever it is that you do in your life, you might have a general love for what you do.
Guest 3:And what I'm getting tired of, and this is partly political, is like, I get tired of, say, Ariana Huffington.
Guest 3:You know, she used to be on the right.
Guest 3:Now she's kind of the Huffington Post.
Guest 3:But there's a part of me that sometimes when I hear her talk, it's like, it's all about Arianna Huffington.
Guest 3:It's not about the country.
Guest 3:And so it's like, when she comes on a show like MSNBC and she starts rallying against the Democrats, rallying against what they're not doing, it's like, at some point...
Guest 3:Bring up the fact that there has to be 60 votes and how are you going to solve the fact that there isn't 60 votes?
Guest 3:And that's what I think that's what bothers me.
Guest 3:I didn't want MSNBC to be the left-wing version of Fox.
Guest 3:I'm not saying they are because I do think that Rachel and Keith, I mean, they're fact-based.
Guest 3:They're not just trying to go crazy.
Guest 1:Right, right.
Guest 3:But I just don't like that kind of like we're in the left, we're in the right, and then there's no real discussion that takes place.
Marc:Yeah, and most people, like I've grown to find just from my own experience in not being involved in it on a day-to-day basis is that people aren't apathetic.
Marc:They're generally busy.
Marc:They don't have time to know everything.
Marc:And most people who talk on radio or on television are lying and they don't know shit.
Marc:And people just take the brand they like and just regurgitate the facts that they heard on that thing without doing any research or anything else.
Marc:And I just I know that to be true because I don't do that because I'll go do my research if I need to.
Marc:But I've talked to people that will just say things as true as they were delivered to their heads by Glenn Beck.
Guest 3:Right.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:And those people, there's a certain segment of the population I think is to be worried about.
Guest 3:And those are the people who follow extremists.
Guest 3:I mean, that's why in Germany, I think Scientology and certain things are illegal.
Guest 3:Because they go, you know, we're not going to even let certain things start.
Guest 3:That's the decision we've made.
Guest 3:Now, we're different here.
Marc:Yeah, because if you're going to be killed for an ideal, let it be Arianism and not flying tossers.
Guest 3:Yeah, I mean, at least there's a certain sturdiness to their rigidity.
Marc:Yeah, let it be racial purity not to release the inner Thetan or whatever that is.
Guest 3:Well, I don't want to insult any Scientologists out there, but I have actually read some of the Scientology stuff, and the Mein Kampf and those books are much more interesting to read.
Guest 3:They really are.
Guest 3:That guy, I don't know, they say he was a popular science fiction.
Guest 3:If you've ever tried to read any of the Dianetics books, they are the most boring books
Guest 3:Books in the history of the world.
Guest 3:Well, I'm not a science fiction guy.
Guest 3:Are you?
Guest 3:No, I don't like those either.
Guest 3:But I always thought science fiction people really were able to, you know, flower it up or something.
Marc:Well, science fiction.
Marc:Draw you in.
Marc:The science fiction people have won the fight.
Marc:Whatever we are, you know, earthbound neurotic Jews.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I think that that's another element of comedy that has sort of fallen to the wayside.
Marc:The neurotic Jew...
Marc:is now passe.
Marc:And I blame Prozac.
Marc:Because I think that after a certain point, you know, and I even get it, you know, sometimes I watch Richard Lewis now and I'm like, you haven't solved any of these problems?
Marc:Nothing is better?
Guest 3:Well, but don't you think that someone like Richard Lewis is an actual archetype himself?
Marc:No, I understand that's the act.
Marc:But I really think that people's tolerance for that type of comedy has faded since they realized that there's medicine for it.
Marc:Yeah, this guy should really get on medicine.
Guest 3:Well, that's the thing, too.
Guest 3:I...
Guest 3:I've recently been feeling that I have no ability to focus.
Guest 3:I want to take something now.
Guest 3:You do?
Marc:Not really.
Marc:Go ahead.
Marc:What do you think?
Marc:Is there a special pill?
Marc:Are you designing one?
Marc:In the perfect world, what would the Andy Kinler pill be?
Guest 3:It would be like cocaine without coming down.
Guest 3:Oh, sure.
Guest 3:I think they call that crystal meth.
Guest 3:right but you do come down from crystal meth i don't see a lot of crystal meth success stories you lose your teeth no there's not a lot and i have high blood pressure so i want something that keeps me up focused absorbed in my activities and then oh let's do this i can't do that i have a very difficult time what happens okay so you get up and then and then will for certain things sound like they're uh like it took us so long to put out our dvd because oh everything is so hard open up a paypal account
Guest 3:We were looking at your website.
Guest 3:You had a nice thing going on there.
Guest 3:Where?
Guest 3:At markmarin.com?
Guest 3:Yeah, it's fantastic.
Guest 3:But it's like my wife and I, we were almost beaten emotionally by just opening up a paper.
Guest 3:You know what most people do?
Guest 3:What's that?
Guest 3:Get a guy.
Guest 3:I need some guys.
Guest 3:I need a guy.
Marc:You got to get a guy.
Guest 3:But then I'm also picky.
Guest 3:My other part is I'm picky and I'm perfectionist.
Guest 3:But then the AD, I feel like I have, if I had come up in the right time, I would have been on Ritalin.
Guest 3:I would have been go, go, go, go, go.
Guest 3:I would have been, you know what I'm saying?
Guest 3:But you get on stage and you're like that.
Guest 3:Like Ritalin or like focused?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, you know, you're intensely focused on being on stage and performing.
Marc:I think that part of what's funny about you is you're not always focused.
Guest 3:Well, so if you take something, won't that ruin that?
Guest 3:That's what I'm worried about.
Guest 3:I don't want to ruin what I have.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:which is unfocused.
Marc:You don't want to break your stride.
Marc:No.
Marc:Because you're peaking now.
Marc:I'm peaking.
Marc:Oh, God.
Marc:No, I get the same thing.
Marc:What happens is you get overwhelmed.
Marc:Instead of just doing what's in front of you and doing it one step at a time,
Marc:You picture the entire thing, and you picture like there's you here, and what you have to do in a completed form is way over there.
Marc:It's great.
Marc:And I don't even know if that bridge is going to hold me.
Guest 3:What if it gets shaky in the middle?
Guest 3:I'm exhausted.
Guest 3:That's why I couldn't handle what Eugene Merman has to have a projector, and if I had to add those other equipment to it.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:That was the hilarious thing.
Marc:I told that story when he was on the show.
Marc:Yeah, some people have an easier go of it.
Marc:And I find the way that you learn how to do things, there's two ways.
Marc:Either you learn because you have to do something with what you're trying to do.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Or you get somebody to show you.
Marc:You say, can you help me with this?
Guest 3:Can you help me?
Guest 3:Are you good at that?
Guest 3:No, but the thing is that my wife Susan and I, we work on our projects together.
Guest 3:But sometimes when we've had other people help us, then sometimes that can be good.
Guest 3:But if it's not the right person, then you're on a whole different trip.
Marc:Yeah, you got to trust them.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And then did we give them that number?
Marc:We don't know him that well.
Marc:He's got the number to the thing.
Marc:That's right.
Guest 3:We've got to change the number.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 3:So that's, doesn't that, but you seem to get people who are just help you and then you give them a cookie, as Rickles would say.
Guest 3:You know what's better than a cookie?
Guest 3:Money.
Marc:I find that you can offer a cookie if they'll go with that.
Marc:You found yourself quite a deal.
Marc:But usually when you talk money, then they're like, okay.
Guest 3:I'll dig that.
Marc:Yeah, and then there's people like Louis C.K.
Marc:that literally grew up in a house with a mother who was like a computer program.
Marc:He knows he can gut a computer and put it back together again.
Marc:He's got one of those things.
Marc:He can take it apart and put it back together.
Marc:He knows basic computer language and all that stuff.
Marc:And when I was supposed to learn that in school,
Marc:I was sleeping.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:Well, I feel like that was after my time.
Marc:A little after you.
Guest 3:After my time.
Guest 3:I know I'm old when they say, when Sesame Street's after my time.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:I didn't grow up to Sesame Street.
Guest 3:You grew up to Super Sales.
Guest 3:I think I was 43 when Sesame Street came out.
Guest 3:Romper Room was too old for me.
Guest 3:Romper Room.
Guest 3:Captain Kangaroo.
Guest 3:Why is he talking down to me, I said.
Guest 3:Mr. Green Jeans.
Marc:Yeah, why is he...
Marc:Why is he condescending?
Guest 3:Yeah, exactly.
Guest 3:I'm a grown person.
Guest 3:And Mr. Rogers.
Guest 3:Forget it.
Guest 3:I don't know what the hell that guy is.
Guest 3:But are you young enough that Sesame Street was part of your childhood?
Marc:I don't remember much of my childhood.
Marc:I remember expecting people to help me, and they didn't.
Marc:Early on?
Marc:Yeah, early on.
Marc:Again, I couldn't ask for help.
Marc:I just assumed that that was a parent's job.
Marc:You came out of the womb saying, how does this work?
Marc:Yeah, exactly.
Marc:And my mother and dad said, we don't know either.
Marc:And I said, this is going to be a long haul, isn't it?
Marc:Someone's got to know something.
Guest 3:But look, we're still here.
Guest 3:We're still doing it.
Guest 3:Yeah, that's the other thing.
Marc:I don't like that attitude either.
Marc:How about that line you cross where you're like, you know what, maybe if this doesn't work out, I'll just, and there's nothing in that space.
Guest 3:Where are you going to be performing?
Guest 3:I'm actually, for the first time in a long time, taking some time off.
Guest 3:I'm done for the year.
Guest 3:I did another half hour at Comedy Central Presents.
Guest 3:How did that go?
Guest 3:Really, it was really fun.
Guest 3:I have to say.
Guest 3:Did they laugh at you?
Guest 3:They did laugh at me, and I did it with John Doerr, who I like, and so we had a crowd.
Guest 3:They do a great job of getting a crowd.
Guest 3:So I did that, and then I'm not doing anything, but I'm doing the Super Bowl for Letterman.
Guest 3:That's my only booked gig in February.
Guest 3:So you're going to be a correspondent?
Marc:Yeah, I'm doing that.
Marc:That's been pretty good for you, though, right?
Marc:That's been really good.
Marc:Do you put asses in seats with that?
Guest 3:No, I don't.
Guest 3:I don't know how you put asses in seats, but I'm hoping to one day.
Marc:I don't know.
Guest 3:It's some sort of magic trick.
Guest 3:I know people who do, and I go, how'd they do it?
Marc:If we knew that, Andy, that's the lightning in a bottle.
Marc:You can't make that.
Marc:You can't make that.
Guest 3:The only thing you can make are parents who ask you why you don't have it.
Guest 3:That's the only thing you're responsible for.
Guest 3:How about this for a hook?
Guest 3:Come on, I'm likable.
Guest 3:Does that work?
Guest 3:Come on, I'm likable.
Guest 3:See, our problem is we don't have enough bravado.
Guest 3:Dane Cook has bravado.
Guest 3:Some people like that.
Guest 3:I like the opposite.
Guest 3:I like when people are uncomfortable.
Guest 3:Yeah, me too.
Marc:You make me comfortable because I know you're uncomfortable.
Marc:Yeah, I want to climb out of my body right now only because I haven't exercised in three days.
Marc:It has nothing to do with you.
Marc:I'm always uncomfortable.
Marc:I'm very rarely comfortable.
Marc:What's happening in three days?
Marc:Why is my voice, I'm here?
Marc:I haven't exercised in three days.
Marc:Oh, oh.
Marc:No, I haven't exercised in like a couple weeks, actually.
Marc:I wonder if this guy's texting me and emailing me.
Guest 3:It's exciting to be part of it here.
Guest 3:I'm here with Mark Maron on his show and currently he's checking his text mail.
Guest 3:And one of the jokes that Mark has is very instructive because I didn't realize that you can press a specific key and get right back to the top.
Guest 3:Which one?
Guest 3:I got the iPhone, which is fantastic if you don't want any coverage.
Guest 3:If you're happy with the AT&T coverage.
Yeah.
Guest 3:And you know the 18 coverage is good because Luke Wilson does a commercial.
Marc:What is that?
Guest 3:I don't get that one.
Guest 3:He goes, these are the different cities that we cover.
Guest 3:Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Guest 3:He throws a card.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:Cleveland.
Guest 3:Cleveland.
Guest 3:Card.
Guest 3:Card goes there.
Guest 1:That's it.
Guest 1:That's it.
Guest 3:There's a two-parter.
Guest 3:Then another commercial comes on.
Guest 3:Then he comes back in.
Guest 3:I noticed one.
Guest 3:There was only one thing that was written other than this town, this thing.
Guest 3:It was like, I've been there.
Guest 3:Something like that.
Guest 3:Yeah, I know somebody over there.
Guest 3:He's funny.
Guest 3:He could be funnier than that in the commercial, can't he?
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:Do you have a problem with him?
Guest 3:Follow Rocket.
Guest 3:I like that movie.
Guest 3:Oh, my God.
Guest 3:That goes way back.
Guest 3:Have you ever done a commercial?
Guest 3:No, yeah, I have.
Guest 3:I have.
Guest 3:And I'm totally willing to do them.
Guest 3:But I hate the... Yeah, because I know Hicks is one of my heroes, but I can't go with him on the you shouldn't... Anything you do is to sell out because I'd rather pay rent than be...
Guest 3:Hicks.
Guest 1:Dead?
Guest 3:I don't think that's what caused his death.
Guest 3:But I can't say.
Guest 3:Also, if someone's funny on a commercial, then it's just as funny to me as anything else.
Guest 3:Look, I feel if people can live with themselves, then that's it.
Guest 3:Well, that's true in general.
Guest 3:But when I question someone like Jason Alexander, why is he doing it?
Guest 3:That falls under the column of how much fucking money do you need?
Marc:I mean, that's different.
Marc:That's a good category.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:It's like, to me, it's like, I don't understand these people, I guess because their nut grows along with their income.
Marc:But like, if I had Jason Alexander money after Seinfeld, I would say, see ya.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm done.
Marc:I did it.
Marc:Why would you need any kind of appointments or anything?
Marc:I would never go on stage again.
Marc:I'd get a house in the south of France and I'd sit down for a while.
Marc:But people say that you do that and then you'll get bored and you'll get the bug again.
Marc:Are you kidding?
Guest 3:I'm so trained at doing nothing and I not have any problem with it.
Guest 3:Well, I saw Michael Richards before he had his outburst.
Guest 3:I saw him, I don't know if you ever played with him in clubs and stuff.
Guest 3:He seemed very frustrated before the outburst.
Marc:I think that once you get that type of popularity and people are coming up to you every day going, it is great, it is.
Marc:That that once you're not that guy anymore, it's got to be sort of annoying.
Marc:And you kind of think like, well, how do I become that big again doing something else?
Marc:I think that, you know, the the success of a television show, you know, kind of leaves you that character for your life.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And there's no way to really get out of it.
Marc:And I think Julia Louis-Dreyfus is doing a fine job at transcending it.
Marc:And, uh, you know, Jerry Seinfeld who, you know, whatever.
Marc:I mean, you know, he's, he's just going to go do standup for a million dollars a gig, but I have no problem with that.
Marc:But getting back to commercials, I've only done one and it's just, I don't go out for them.
Marc:But I mean, if, if you can get behind the product and you don't feel like it makes you look like a fucking idiot and you can own yourself, I guess it's okay.
Marc:It's not okay with me really, you know, but I don't care what you do necessarily.
Guest 3:Well, the problem that I didn't like on them, which is why I don't go on them anymore is, uh, the process of how many auditions you go on.
Um,
Guest 3:for how many jobs you get.
Guest 3:Because I used to do a joke like, first of all, I hate when they go like an hour late.
Guest 3:It's like, let's keep the rejection moving.
Guest 3:There's no reason.
Guest 3:So the whole process is kind of, you know, signs, actors don't use elevators, that kind of thing.
Guest 3:You feel dehumanized by it.
Guest 3:Park on the street.
Marc:Yeah, park on the street.
Marc:Is there a parking lot?
Guest 3:No, you got to park on the street.
Guest 3:Yeah, slink up the stairs, don't use the elevator.
Guest 3:That part I didn't like, but I like voiceovers.
Guest 3:I don't get any, but I like the auditions and I enjoy that.
Guest 3:That's not good.
Guest 3:I don't want to be the guy who's disappeared.
Marc:You're not going to disappear, Andy.
Marc:Everybody cares about you.
Guest 3:Oh, that's a good thing to know.
Marc:Yeah, everybody loves Andy Kinler.
Marc:You're one of those guys no one has a bad thing to say about.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I like that.
Marc:No one has a bad thing to say about Andy Kinler.
Marc:Now you made me feel good.
Marc:I said it twice.
Marc:No one makes... Okay.
Guest 3:I like that.
Guest 3:Do you know when you're not doing well on stage?
Guest 3:Well, here's the thing I think that's true about me is that I think I'm doing worse on stage than I'm doing.
Guest 3:I think I have that disease and I need to get it cured sometimes.
Marc:Maybe it's in that same pill you were talking about.
Marc:So now the pill has to keep you up, energy, focused, and make you not worry that you're not doing well.
Marc:That would be great on the back.
Guest 3:We'll enable you to assess how well you're doing with the crowds.
Marc:And you're up all the time.
Marc:That'd be very, very, very funny if we could design our own drugs and then market them.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:The Andy Kinler pill.
Guest 3:I think we're close as a society to being able to do that.
Guest 3:Thank God.
Guest 3:Thank God.
Marc:I've always wanted to have my own pill.
Marc:They don't name pills after people.
Marc:I've never heard that.
Marc:They used to call Speed Benny's.
Marc:I never met Benny, but I have to assume he was a very rapid talker and stayed up a long time.
Guest 3:Well, they had Black Beauties.
Guest 3:That was named after the book about the horse, right?
Guest 3:I don't know if it was.
Guest 3:I'm assuming it was.
Marc:Have you heard Black Beauties?
Marc:Yeah, I've heard Black Beauties, but I don't know if it was based on the book.
Marc:I don't think so.
Marc:White Crosses, for example.
Marc:Yeah, that was based on... The Klan.
Marc:Yeah, of course.
Marc:Because the Klan needed a lot of energy.
Marc:Yeah, you take five White Crosses and you hate Jews and Blacks.
Marc:And you have the energy to put a getup on.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you don't have the shame to wear the getup and perhaps do some burning of things.
Guest 1:Right.
Marc:Because of the energy.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 3:I don't know.
Guest 3:I don't know.
Guest 3:I don't know.
Guest 3:Is that the way you always end the show?
Guest 3:Mm-hmm.
Guest 3:What's the next segment coming up after me?
Guest 3:I don't know.
Marc:How long is the show total?
Marc:It depends.
Marc:There's nothing holding us back.
Marc:Are you streaming?
Marc:No, we're not streaming then.
Marc:People will be listening right now.
Marc:No, we're just recording.
Guest 3:Now, where are you playing?
Guest 3:What are you going to do?
Guest 3:Don't even do it.
Guest 3:Don't do it.
Marc:I've got some plans.
Marc:I've got a week in Seattle in January, and I'm going to go to Portland or something.
Marc:I'm building a show at Comedy Central.
Guest 3:I just wanted to give you a chance to plug something on your own show.
Marc:Yeah, I'll get there.
Marc:Here's what I say.
Marc:Pretty soon I'll be in your town.
Guest 3:And now are you Twitter too?
Guest 3:Sure.
Guest 3:And how do you feel that that helps?
Guest 3:Does it help?
Guest 3:I'll do it if it helps.
Guest 3:If it puts S's in C's.
Marc:Just do it all.
Marc:Just do it all?
Marc:Yeah, because it's like a job, but do it all.
Marc:I avoid the MySpace debacle.
Marc:No one does MySpace anymore.
Marc:MySpace is something different.
Guest 3:But Facebook.
Marc:Oh, I'm all over the Facebook.
Marc:Yeah, Facebook is good.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, but get on the Twitter, and then leave it there for now.
Guest 3:I got confused.
Guest 3:I thought Twitter, you had to actually accept people, but you don't have to accept people.
Marc:You don't have to accept anything.
Marc:You don't have to do anything, right?
Marc:No, no.
Marc:You don't have to accept people.
Marc:No, they just show up, the people there.
Marc:Right.
Marc:They follow us, and you're following.
Marc:Yeah, you can choose who you follow, and then people just follow you, and they just come.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And they're excited to hear what you have to say.
Guest 3:But you don't banter with them.
Guest 3:You can.
Okay.
Marc:But it's usually in a public forum.
Marc:But they give you the option of private message.
Marc:Oh, we don't want that.
Marc:No.
Guest 3:Unless you know the person.
Guest 3:I don't want one more area that I'm ignoring.
Guest 3:Like, you know, as I've said, Mark, remember we used to have the answering machine tapes?
Guest 3:Sure.
Guest 3:And then it gets filled up.
Guest 3:You throw it in the garbage.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:The tape.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:That was a great system.
Guest 2:Yes, it was, Andy.
Guest 3:I don't like the different various ways, the different voicemails that I have to check.
Marc:Gee, just the fact of email.
Marc:You remember it was like, you know, like you'd get through the end of a day and you listen to messages and you'd be like, I'll call them tomorrow.
Guest 3:Right now.
Marc:That's unheard of.
Marc:If you don't return a call, people are like, I think he's dead.
Right.
Marc:I know he got it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:How can he not?
Marc:I know he got it.
Marc:I left a Facebook message.
Marc:I emailed him and I left him a text message and I left a message on his phone.
Marc:How could he have not got?
Marc:I'm worried.
Marc:I'm worried.
Marc:All right, Andy Kinler.
Guest 3:This was a pleasure.
Guest 3:This was fun.
Guest 3:Do you feel good about it?
Guest 3:I feel very good about it.
Guest 3:I hope the people out there don't think it was too Jewy.
Guest 3:I don't think we were Jewish at all.
Guest 3:Not at all this time.
Guest 3:I think we covered a lot of topics.
Guest 3:It's a Shonda, how little Jewish we put in there.
Marc:It is a Shonda.
Marc:I could give out for how much.
Marc:And I feel that you and I are Mishpulka.
Guest 3:I do.
Guest 3:I know.
Guest 3:I threw on a Shmata.
Guest 3:Yeah.
Guest 3:I came down here.
Guest 3:I said, what's the Simis?
Guest 3:We're Mishpulka.
Marc:Thank God we didn't have too much Surus.
Marc:Yeah, no Surus.
Marc:No Surus, because that would have been depressing.
Marc:And that's about the limit I got.
Marc:Shalom.
Marc:Shalom.
Marc:That's our show.
Marc:I want to thank Andy Kindler for sharing himself with us, with you and me.
Marc:And please remember, if you want to learn anything or be up to speed with anything comedy related, go to punchlinemagazine.com.
Marc:And if you want to get some justcoffee.coop coffee, because it, you know, you know how it goes.
Marc:You can go to wtfpod.com and hit the link on Just Coffee.
Marc:Or you can go to justcoffee.coop and put WTF in the coupon box and get yourself a little deal on some coffee.
Marc:You can also go to WTFpod and put your name on the mailing list so I can let you know what I'm doing and if it's anywhere near you.
Marc:And you can also go and donate some money.
Marc:Because...
Marc:I want to make a living at this.
Marc:Is that okay with you people?
Marc:All right.
Marc:That's about it for today.
Marc:I'll talk to you soon.