WTF with Marc Maron Podcast Transcripts

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Episode 27 - Jon Benjamin / Come On Now

Episode 27 • Released December 2, 2009 • Speakers detected

Episode 27 artwork
00:00:00Guest 2:are we doing this really wait for it are we doing this wait for it pow what the fuck and it's also what the fuck what's wrong with me it's time for wtf what the fuck with mark maron
00:00:23Marc:All right, what the fuckers, welcome to the show.
00:00:26Marc:It's Mark Maron.
00:00:27Marc:I am still in Florida as I record this.
00:00:30Marc:This is sort of a time capsule.
00:00:32Marc:I'll be interested to hear how I sound next week when I listen to this.
00:00:36Marc:By this time, you'll have been a week away from Thanksgiving dinner, and I haven't eaten it yet.
00:00:40Marc:I'm just trying to put this into context for you.
00:00:43Marc:I decided not to jump into the ocean, so that was good.
00:00:47Marc:And now I'm just trying to deal with Florida.
00:00:49Marc:I can't even understand what is going on down here.
00:00:51Marc:I've grown to like Florida.
00:00:53Marc:I didn't like it initially, but it is a freak show.
00:00:56Marc:It is the most densely populated, peculiar state I've ever been in.
00:01:00Marc:You get this weird mixture of old people that are finally free to do whatever they want, but don't quite have the energy to do it.
00:01:06Marc:And you have a very peculiar mixture of locals.
00:01:10Marc:I don't want to say they're rednecks or hill people, but you know what I'm saying.
00:01:14Marc:There's this little taste of the South in the worst way possible.
00:01:18Marc:And there's a big taste of old people with a lot of time on their hands that are trying to have a good time as much as they can.
00:01:27Marc:And then there's a very large Latino community.
00:01:29Marc:So it's just a big sort of senior salsa thing.
00:01:35Marc:hillbilly hoedown all the time down here and of course the roads are very exciting because you just never know if someone's drunk or old or you know learned how to drive in another country i don't know florida is a huge what the fuck for me but i've become a little bit concerned with my empathy for the elderly
00:01:56Marc:I think as I get older, I'm losing my excitement about talking to them and engaging with them as I did when I was younger.
00:02:03Marc:And they seem so wise and interesting.
00:02:05Marc:Perhaps as I approach being elderly and I can feel it happening to my brain, maybe out of my own fear, I am not engaging with them.
00:02:14Marc:I just wish there were somehow, you know, we could utilize all these old people down here.
00:02:18Marc:I had this fairly profound idea.
00:02:21Marc:I don't know if it's doable, but I'll share it with you.
00:02:24Marc:I think I want to call it Googleheimers or something like that.
00:02:32Marc:Let me try to explain to you what the idea was.
00:02:35Marc:Maybe it's wrong-minded, but I just think there are these huge condo complexes with literally probably thousands of senior citizens in them.
00:02:44Marc:I had this idea...
00:02:46Marc:to where you would somehow create an interface.
00:02:50Marc:I'm not a technological guy, so I really don't know how you would go about this.
00:02:54Marc:You create an interface that people could get on their computer, and basically what it would do is you would be able to utilize all the wisdom and stories of all the old people in the condo development as a search engine.
00:03:11Marc:Do you understand what I'm saying?
00:03:12Marc:I'm trying to figure out how to make this work, but I don't know if we can do it without video, without some sort of chip that you would put in the old people that I think you could probably just put in on their next doctor appointment and just say they're helping out and we've got this chip that will automatically interface with your brain and we're going to hook you up to this new service being provided.
00:03:32Marc:And they'll go, what?
00:03:32Marc:I don't understand.
00:03:34Marc:On the machine?
00:03:34Marc:And then you say, yes, it's on the computer, but it's going to be available to everybody.
00:03:39Marc:They'll be able to utilize your brain and what you have in it when they search information like events in history and whatnot.
00:03:48Marc:I don't understand.
00:03:49Marc:I don't think I want to.
00:03:51Marc:It's not going to hurt.
00:03:51Marc:We'll put it in and we'll give you a break on your medicine.
00:03:54Marc:All right.
00:03:55Marc:All right.
00:03:55Marc:I'm not going to feel anything.
00:03:56Marc:Okay.
00:03:57Marc:Go ahead and put it in.
00:03:58Marc:So, well, here's the idea.
00:04:00Marc:See, I think it can't work like that.
00:04:01Marc:Maybe it could be video.
00:04:02Marc:Maybe in every apartment...
00:04:03Marc:There's like a video camera and a pleasant sound that happens when somebody Google searches on Googleheimers something that this particular person in this apartment knows about.
00:04:16Marc:Let's say you're at Googleheimer and you search JFK assassination.
00:04:24Marc:So all of a sudden, a little light goes off in Murray Jacobs' condo, and the music comes on, and he sits up from the television or from his little, you know, one of those portable tables that you eat at in front of a TV, and he says, oh, no, here we go.
00:04:39Marc:And then he goes to his computer and he sits down and the camera comes on and the search is JFK assassination.
00:04:47Marc:And then bang, you're directly linked to Murray Jacobs in his condo.
00:04:52Marc:And he's going to tell you about the JFK assassination.
00:04:55Marc:So you're looking for information.
00:04:57Marc:And boom, there's Murray.
00:04:58Marc:And he probably says something like, oh, sure.
00:05:01Marc:Yeah, I remember.
00:05:02Marc:That was a sad day.
00:05:04Marc:We had eaten lunch at the place on 7th Avenue, me and Doris, and we heard the thing about the guy, the Kennedy.
00:05:14Marc:We liked him, even though he was Catholic.
00:05:15Marc:He was a nice-looking guy.
00:05:17Marc:He liked the right things.
00:05:19Marc:He liked the black people, and we were very, I don't know what you call it today.
00:05:25Marc:We didn't call it liberal then.
00:05:26Marc:We called it being a good person.
00:05:29Marc:and then we heard the news, and it was awful, and Doris cried a little bit, and we took home half of the cheesecake, and I think I had diarrhea because of it.
00:05:40Marc:That's what I remember.
00:05:41Marc:And bam, that's what you get when you search Guggenheimers, and you can use that in a term paper, perhaps a speaking engagement.
00:05:48Marc:You can quote Murray like this.
00:05:50Marc:If you're writing a paper for school, this was an awful day in November 1963.
00:05:55Marc:According to Murray Jacobs,
00:05:57Marc:It was sad they didn't finish their cheesecake and he got diarrhea.
00:06:01Marc:I mean, I think that would be entertaining information.
00:06:03Marc:I mean, of course, it would run the range of people who are at the retirement community.
00:06:08Marc:Maybe I should change the name because I think that's a little derogatory, Googleheimers.
00:06:14Marc:I'll try to think of another name, but I think it's a pretty good idea.
00:06:17Marc:On the show today, I've got John Benjamin, who you know from many comic voices.
00:06:20Marc:And I hope you enjoyed this interview I had with John.
00:06:23Marc:And I'll let you know how Thanksgiving goes, even though you already had yours.
00:06:32Guest 6:You like being in the garage?
00:06:36Guest 6:I do.
00:06:38Guest 6:It's like you were a college professor that got fired, and now you have office hours here in your garage.
00:06:46Marc:Right, and the students have to get permission slips from their parents.
00:06:50Marc:You keep emailing students.
00:06:54Guest 6:I'm still holding office hours.
00:06:58Guest 4:I want you to come here and discuss your paper.
00:07:00Guest 6:I know I don't work for the college anymore.
00:07:03Guest 4:But I thought we had a good relationship and you were learning things.
00:07:07Guest 6:No, it's a good combination of creepy and cozy.
00:07:13Guest 6:I'm trying... I'm building a business, John.
00:07:16Guest 6:I can't help... I remember that headshot so well.
00:07:21Marc:Like your old, old... You remember it because of how I signed it at Catch a Rising Star, right?
00:07:27Guest 6:It was at Catch a Rising Star, yeah.
00:07:29Guest 6:Yeah, and I think... It's like one of those things that's seared in my memory.
00:07:32Guest 6:I remember, obviously, a few of them, but I don't see them anymore that often.
00:07:36Marc:Let me try and explain it to the listeners.
00:07:38Guest 6:I don't see Fran Salamita's headshot much anymore.
00:07:40Marc:I bet you you could write to Fran and get a signed one.
00:07:44Marc:I think he'd be flattered and excited if someone wrote to him and said, I'm a big fan.
00:07:49Marc:Why don't you do that?
00:07:50Marc:Because you're like a sick pranking fuck.
00:07:52Marc:Why don't you write old lost comics that probably aren't even in the business anymore under a pseudonym and say, I'm really a big fan.
00:08:00Marc:Like Dan Margarita.
00:08:01Marc:Why don't you write Dan Margarita a letter?
00:08:04Guest 6:I think at one point when I lived with Cedar in Cambridge, that was something I started doing was sending out a letter that I was a sick boy for headshots of famous people.
00:08:17Guest 6:We just wanted to wallpaper our bathroom with just responses.
00:08:21Guest 6:Like, yeah, dear John, hope you feel better.
00:08:23Marc:Really?
00:08:24Marc:And you didn't do that?
00:08:25Guest 6:I think we did a couple.
00:08:27Marc:Well, let me explain it to the listeners.
00:08:28Marc:The headshot is me in sort of, I guess it would be the John Lennon.
00:08:32Marc:There was a John Lennon album that had several of him with several different glasses on.
00:08:36Marc:So I've got a pair of sunglasses hanging off the tip of my nose, my regular glasses, and I'm doing fake glasses on my head.
00:08:42Guest 6:Oh, I thought you were making a bunny rabbit.
00:08:43Marc:Yeah, it's a bunny rabbit.
00:08:44Marc:And I think at the time that I signed the picture to catch a rising star.
00:08:49Marc:It's so obscure.
00:08:50Marc:It said to catch a mojo rising star.
00:08:55Guest 6:That I don't remember.
00:08:56Marc:I would have thought you remembered that.
00:08:58Guest 6:That's great.
00:08:59Marc:John Benjamin, let me try to give people some background on you, because you're a marginal character in the world of comedy.
00:09:06Marc:Not everybody says, holy shit, John Benjamin.
00:09:10Marc:You have to go through a series of examples, and then they go, oh, that guy.
00:09:13Marc:Well, I appreciate that.
00:09:14Marc:How else am I supposed to intro you?
00:09:16Marc:It could have been more complimentary.
00:09:18Marc:No, I've been recently a big fan, and in the past...
00:09:23Marc:Not so much because you're very unpleasant to me.
00:09:27Guest 6:That can't be true, really?
00:09:29Marc:Maybe I just read it wrong.
00:09:30Marc:Yeah.
00:09:31Guest 6:It wouldn't be the first thing you read wrong.
00:09:34Marc:What?
00:09:34Marc:Did I read something wrong?
00:09:36Marc:That's true.
00:09:36Marc:In your life.
00:09:37Marc:No, I do it all the time.
00:09:38Marc:I did it yesterday.
00:09:40Marc:My initial instinct about everything is dramatic, wrong, over the top, and I react to it.
00:09:47Marc:I didn't know we would have to solve our relationship right away.
00:09:50Marc:No, we can work into it.
00:09:52Marc:John Benjamin was the son on Dr. Katz.
00:09:57Marc:Yeah, I like to be buttered up a little bit before I get insulted.
00:09:59Marc:I'm sorry.
00:10:00Marc:I thought you were a professional.
00:10:01Marc:You, the person who I call on the phone, that was a good one.
00:10:06Marc:You fucker.
00:10:07Marc:Sam Cedar, some of you know Sam Cedar and John Benjamin have been best friends forever.
00:10:13Marc:And John revealed something to me yesterday.
00:10:15Marc:Do you like to talk about it on the air?
00:10:16Marc:Because I found Cedar to be impossible.
00:10:19Marc:As much as I love him and I respect his wit and his intelligence, he's an impossible person and he's a bully.
00:10:24Marc:And you told me that he bullied you.
00:10:27Guest 6:When you mentioned bully, that brought up the issue of him being my actual bully.
00:10:32Marc:He was your actual bully when?
00:10:34Marc:In junior high.
00:10:36Marc:And then you became friends?
00:10:37Marc:Why?
00:10:37Marc:Because you negotiated?
00:10:38Guest 6:No, we became friends later, probably out of desperation.
00:10:42Guest 6:Well, he was my bully in 13, 12, 13, 14.
00:10:49Guest 6:You can come a little closer to that, Mike.
00:10:52Marc:I'd like to reflect on the story back here.
00:10:56Marc:No, I know.
00:10:56Marc:It looks good, but we're not getting that.
00:10:58Marc:They're not seeing you drinking your tea.
00:11:02Marc:What kind of man drinks tea in the morning?
00:11:05Marc:Are you British?
00:11:06Marc:A soft man.
00:11:07Marc:You're a Jew.
00:11:07Marc:Did you ever drink coffee?
00:11:08Guest 6:I did.
00:11:09Guest 6:I couldn't stomach it.
00:11:11Marc:Oh, really?
00:11:12Marc:Yeah.
00:11:12Marc:You had a stomach problem?
00:11:13Guest 6:Yeah.
00:11:14Marc:We're becoming old men.
00:11:15Guest 6:No, I became an old man about 15 years ago.
00:11:19Guest 6:When you were, what, 25?
00:11:21Guest 6:I was in my late 20s.
00:11:24Guest 6:So Sam bullied you in what, junior high?
00:11:26Guest 6:So Sam, we went to the same, I started prep school in seventh grade.
00:11:32Guest 6:Prep school?
00:11:33Guest 6:Yeah.
00:11:34Guest 6:They let Jews in?
00:11:35Guest 6:Were you two like the only Jews in Worcester?
00:11:37Guest 6:No, there was like a big Jewish community in Worcester, yeah.
00:11:42Guest 6:Let me grab another sip of that.
00:11:44Guest 6:That was good.
00:11:44Guest 6:That was classy.
00:11:45Guest 6:Yeah, you'll be able to hear that.
00:11:46Guest 6:Yeah.
00:11:47Guest 6:I love that sound.
00:11:48Marc:Yeah.
00:11:48Marc:That plastic on my lips.
00:11:50Marc:Yeah.
00:11:50Marc:I plug it.
00:11:51Marc:I plug my coffee on the show.
00:11:54Marc:So Sam says, hey, Shorty.
00:11:56Guest 6:Oh, so Sam was, yeah, basically the old standard.
00:11:59Guest 6:I was like a little guy.
00:12:01Guest 6:Well, there were others.
00:12:02Guest 6:It was complicated.
00:12:03Guest 6:I loved disco, which was a very unpopular musical movement at the time.
00:12:10Marc:So did you show up at school in your Jufro with bell bottoms and perhaps a vest?
00:12:15Guest 6:Well, you had to wear a suit.
00:12:17Guest 6:Not a suit, but you had to wear a tie and jacket for the school.
00:12:21Guest 6:So I expressed my disco in other ways.
00:12:25Guest 6:Can you share a little of that?
00:12:27Guest 6:I can't dance in here.
00:12:28Guest 6:You mean you did the dance?
00:12:29Guest 6:I just liked it.
00:12:30Guest 6:I know he, and he was a big, I was, you know, I wasn't a vocal proponent of disco.
00:12:36Guest 6:I just liked the music.
00:12:37Guest 6:And I was a little guy.
00:12:38Guest 6:Don't you stand for anything?
00:12:40Guest 6:And he, I've changed.
00:12:43Guest 6:I've learned.
00:12:43Guest 6:Now you would fight disco, like tooth and nail, wouldn't you?
00:12:47Guest 6:Well, it depends if I'm on ecstasy or not.
00:12:49Guest 6:Okay.
00:12:50Guest 6:Yeah.
00:12:52Guest 6:So Little Sam Seder with his attitude.
00:12:54Guest 6:I like rhythm.
00:12:55Guest 6:So let's leave it at that.
00:12:56Marc:Yeah, funk is good.
00:12:57Marc:I like rhythm.
00:12:57Marc:There's some disco songs that I can admit to liking.
00:13:00Guest 6:Yeah, and if you close your eyes and just get into the mood, I think you'll start to enjoy it.
00:13:08Marc:I feel love.
00:13:09Marc:Yeah, the dance single of that.
00:13:11Guest 6:Definitely.
00:13:12Guest 6:I like that.
00:13:13Marc:Sometimes I'm gay.
00:13:15Guest 6:Yeah, I know.
00:13:16Guest 6:I'm gay for at least a couple hours a day.
00:13:20Guest 6:It feels good.
00:13:20Marc:If you're alone, it's better.
00:13:22Marc:It feels great when you're with a man.
00:13:24Marc:No, I don't do that.
00:13:25Marc:I just keep it at home because involving other people frightens me.
00:13:29Marc:I know.
00:13:29Marc:You have to express it.
00:13:30Marc:What would it mean?
00:13:31Marc:You have to bring it to other people.
00:13:33Marc:This is starting to feel like a come on.
00:13:35Marc:We've never done that on this show.
00:13:37Guest 6:No.
00:13:37Guest 6:Well, anyway, let's get back to Sam Teter because he's the reason I'm here.
00:13:41Guest 6:You're doing him a favor?
00:13:43Guest 6:By being on my podcast?
00:13:45Marc:He needs a plug.
00:13:46Marc:Well, yeah, let's plug Sam.
00:13:47Marc:You can get Sam at his website.
00:13:51Guest 6:MyBully.com.
00:13:52Guest 6:Post something political, and he'll respond to you.
00:13:55Guest 6:He used to, so he was like this, he was really husky, I guess would be the best word for him.
00:14:01Guest 6:He's still husky.
00:14:02Guest 6:He's still husky, but at the time he was... You call it fat now.
00:14:04Marc:When you're a kid, it's husky.
00:14:05Guest 6:Yes, he was a fat kid.
00:14:07Guest 6:Yeah.
00:14:07Guest 6:I guess that was the polite term for it.
00:14:09Guest 6:That was a polite term because you'd go to the husky section.
00:14:13Guest 6:You wouldn't go to the fat section.
00:14:14Marc:That's how your mother bought pants.
00:14:16Marc:I grew up with that too.
00:14:18Marc:My mother, the anorexic.
00:14:20Marc:The worst thing that she had to do in her life was go, where are the huskies?
00:14:26Guest 6:This is my son.
00:14:26Guest 6:Were you...
00:14:28Guest 6:You were fat and she was anorexic?
00:14:30Marc:Yes.
00:14:30Marc:I was made to believe... And together, you were... We were one.
00:14:33Marc:The Marins.
00:14:33Marc:Yeah.
00:14:35Marc:I was made to believe, I think, that I was much fatter than I actually was by her.
00:14:39Marc:Oh, okay.
00:14:40Marc:But I did wear Huskies.
00:14:41Marc:Okay, so you're familiar with Sam Cedar's body type?
00:14:44Marc:Yeah, I sat across from him, and we had a weight-losing campaign together.
00:14:48Marc:Oh, that's right.
00:14:48Marc:I think I saw something.
00:14:49Marc:So he comes up to you, and he says, hey, Shorty.
00:14:51Guest 6:Well, no, he would want to beat me up.
00:14:54Guest 6:That was the thing.
00:14:55Guest 6:He was a beater-upper?
00:14:57Guest 6:Yeah.
00:14:57Guest 6:Well, he would chase me and stuff like that, as I remember.
00:14:59Guest 6:I was terrified of him.
00:15:02Guest 6:Yeah.
00:15:03Guest 6:And he was, I think, fairly serious about it.
00:15:05Guest 6:Although I don't know if that were true at the time.
00:15:09Guest 6:About killing me.
00:15:10Guest 6:But, you know, there was that feeling.
00:15:13Guest 6:That it would be bad.
00:15:14Guest 6:Yeah.
00:15:15Guest 6:And?
00:15:15Guest 6:So he, you know, he sort of ruined a good year of my life.
00:15:21Guest 6:In any event, he left that school.
00:15:23Guest 6:He left that prep school.
00:15:24Guest 6:And I went to college in Connecticut, this small college.
00:15:28Guest 6:It was, you know, one of my parents were dropping me off and I'm nervous about being there.
00:15:33Guest 6:And my roommate was a very strange guy from Spanish Harlem.
00:15:37Guest 6:Not many people at Connecticut College from Spanish Harlem.
00:15:40Guest 4:Yeah.
00:15:42Guest 6:And then I opened the door across the hall and Sam Cedar was there.
00:15:46Guest 6:he was there yeah uh-huh which i thought at the time was like a you know it was like it was like seeing the virgin mary you know in a bad way did you start running i just was like what like you got to be kidding me right like that's the guy who used to beat me up yeah for a year and a half and now he's like practically my roommate you know his dad is there like dropping off his clothes and yeah i'm like what like what do you like what are you doing here
00:16:14Guest 6:Like, this is going to be bad.
00:16:15Guest 4:Yeah.
00:16:15Guest 4:What do you say?
00:16:17Guest 6:Well, then, you know, it ended up like that feel-good story you'd see.
00:16:21Guest 6:Where everybody... On TV.
00:16:22Guest 6:Like, we became best friends through alcohol.
00:16:26Guest 6:Oh.
00:16:27Guest 6:You know, like, we knew no one else, and he was like, let's go get some beer and get drunk and go to college.
00:16:34Guest 6:Now...
00:16:35Marc:Sam Seder aside, let's talk about your more famous friend.
00:16:40Marc:He's not the most famous?
00:16:41Marc:Well, you're an interesting person in the world of comedy in that most people who love comedy know who you are, and you show up in a lot of odd places.
00:16:51Marc:I mean, I guess the career started with Dr. Katz, but then you've done some cartoon work, correct?
00:16:56Marc:Yes.
00:16:56Marc:And you've done a lot of short film work with John Glazer.
00:16:59Marc:uh yeah and uh you've worked with david cross you founded the uh the show tinkle with todd berry and david cross and uh part of that you have a sort of you have one of those careers where um where people like me say how the fuck does john benjamin make money but a lot of people do say that and does your wife say that or your girlfriend does say that she knows
00:17:24Guest 6:I mean, she watches.
00:17:25Marc:But then you show up on a commercial and you're like, I guess John Benjamin's okay this year.
00:17:29Guest 6:Yeah.
00:17:29Marc:You do well for yourself.
00:17:31Guest 6:I'm not going to say a number, but I'm up there.
00:17:35Guest 4:Yeah, you're up there in the five, six figures.
00:17:39Guest 6:I mean...
00:17:40Guest 4:Somewhere in there?
00:17:42Marc:I'm very well taxed.
00:17:43Marc:Okay.
00:17:45Marc:But you are out here doing a job, which is what I want to talk to you about a couple of things.
00:17:48Marc:I have not.
00:17:49Guest 6:I have shunned work, definitely, in my career.
00:17:53Guest 6:Right, because it was beneath you.
00:17:57Guest 6:So to speak, yeah.
00:17:58Guest 6:Like what have you shunned?
00:18:00Guest 6:You know, I've shunned jobs that were offered to me.
00:18:03Guest 6:Like what?
00:18:05Guest 6:Seinfeld.
00:18:06Guest 6:You did not.
00:18:07Marc:No, no.
00:18:12Guest 6:You know, sitcom work and stuff that I, at the time...
00:18:17Guest 6:It was a combination of trying to feel superior to the work itself and probably being scared of it.
00:18:28Guest 6:Right.
00:18:28Marc:So you're here doing Dimitri's show, and there's a question I want to ask you.
00:18:33Marc:A lot of these people that I'm interviewing here on this show, people like you who aren't major stars, but...
00:18:40Marc:You have been known to be funny in different contexts, and I thought it might be good if you were my sidekick, so this is sort of an audition, and I don't know if it's... Okay.
00:18:54Guest 6:Well, if you want me to shun work, I'll do that right now.
00:18:57Guest 6:Which means what?
00:18:58Guest 6:Like I don't want that job.
00:18:59Marc:You don't want that job?
00:19:00Marc:No.
00:19:00Marc:I'll do it.
00:19:01Guest 6:Yeah, sure.
00:19:01Marc:But like, I think the sidekick's job is to do like, you know, like I talk about my ridiculous life and then you just support it.
00:19:08Marc:I laugh.
00:19:09Marc:I would just laugh.
00:19:10Marc:You laugh and like, here's how it would go like with us.
00:19:12Marc:It'd be like, so my cat monkey is on the bed this morning.
00:19:17Marc:Again, am I right?
00:19:19Marc:The cat is always on the bed, and I'm sitting there talking to him.
00:19:24Marc:What do you need, monkey?
00:19:25Guest 6:What's the cat's name?
00:19:26Guest 6:Tell everyone the cat's name.
00:19:27Marc:I said it twice.
00:19:27Marc:Monkey.
00:19:28Guest 6:Oh, okay.
00:19:29Guest 6:I thought you meant your cat's monkey, like your cat had a monkey.
00:19:33Marc:No, John, my cat's name is... I know, I know.
00:19:36Guest 6:I know your cat.
00:19:37Guest 6:I know your cat monkey.
00:19:38Guest 6:But that's funny the way you said that.
00:19:40Marc:But you know what?
00:19:41Marc:It's interesting.
00:19:41Guest 6:Because your cat might have a monkey, a real monkey.
00:19:44Guest 6:Yeah.
00:19:44Guest 6:Or your cat might have a pet, like a little stuffed animal called monkey.
00:19:48Marc:All right.
00:19:49Marc:Well, John, so I'm sitting on the bed.
00:19:51Marc:Oh, no.
00:19:54Marc:Oh, no.
00:19:55Marc:Oh, no.
00:19:57Marc:Already he's on the bed.
00:19:58Marc:Yeah.
00:19:59Marc:And, you know, I start doing my business.
00:20:00Marc:Cat's on the bed.
00:20:01Marc:You know, I'm doing my business, John.
00:20:03Guest 6:Jay and off.
00:20:04Guest 6:Yeah, exactly.
00:20:04Guest 6:I love it.
00:20:05Guest 6:Yeah, yeah.
00:20:06Marc:And what's the cat do?
00:20:07Marc:Oh, no.
00:20:07Marc:Yeah, exactly.
00:20:09Marc:The cat... No.
00:20:11Marc:No.
00:20:11Marc:Don't, don't.
00:20:12Marc:Stop.
00:20:13Marc:The cat just sits there...
00:20:15Marc:Judging me.
00:20:16Guest 6:Staring at it.
00:20:17Marc:Staring at it.
00:20:18Guest 6:Has your cat ever seen it before?
00:20:20Marc:Sure it's seen it before.
00:20:21Guest 6:Okay.
00:20:22Marc:I mean, I show it to the cat.
00:20:24Guest 6:So you do that often in front of your cat?
00:20:26Marc:Yes, I do.
00:20:27Guest 6:So you think at some point your cat might know what that is or is familiar?
00:20:31Marc:Well, I guess what I'm waiting for him to do is just be a man and maybe do it himself or have his own time with it.
00:20:37Marc:Sometimes he licks himself, but usually just judgment.
00:20:40Marc:I seek my cat's approval and I don't get it.
00:20:43Guest 6:If there's a point where both of you could start doing it together, that'd be wonderful.
00:20:46Marc:It would.
00:20:47Marc:I think that's a good bond.
00:20:49Marc:I think people do that with their dogs more.
00:20:51Marc:Cats are difficult.
00:20:52Guest 6:Mutual masturbation with your pet.
00:20:54Marc:Yeah.
00:20:54Marc:So what have you been up to, John?
00:20:56Marc:Oh, no.
00:20:58Marc:Do not go there.
00:20:58Marc:All right.
00:21:01Marc:So that might work out if you lived here.
00:21:03Marc:You don't want the job.
00:21:04Marc:It felt pretty good, though.
00:21:06Marc:So do you travel with Dimitri?
00:21:07Marc:I mean, have you been?
00:21:09Marc:No.
00:21:09Marc:He must be huge.
00:21:11Guest 6:No, but about having fans, now he's a fairly huge celebrity and he has a lot of fans.
00:21:20Guest 6:Yeah.
00:21:21Guest 6:And we were shooting his second season of his show, and we were on Malibu Beach shooting a sketch, and there was a whole bunch of people kind of on this cliff looking over where we were shooting, all yelling his name and a bunch of people.
00:21:36Guest 6:Yeah.
00:21:37Guest 6:Yeah, you're like, Dimitri, hey.
00:21:40Guest 6:Yeah.
00:21:40Guest 6:And just on the periphery of that group, probably like 20 or maybe 15 people all looking at him, there's just two really kind of heavyset, dowdy-looking kids.
00:21:55Guest 6:Yeah.
00:21:56Guest 6:And they're like, John!
00:21:59Guest 6:John Benjamin!
00:22:00Guest 6:like almost fighting for me like fighting this mob of me of nerd girls and guys who are excited yeah the two outsiders two weird teens yeah john benjamin yeah where do you think they knew you from they came down and they're like oh man we're big fans of it was home movies there's this cartoon i was on that had a lot it has a lot of fans
00:22:23Marc:Oh, that's right, home movies.
00:22:25Marc:I find it's sort of awkward, but my boundaries aren't that good anyways, but I always indulge my fans.
00:22:32Marc:I'll talk to them for a long time.
00:22:33Guest 6:Yeah, I don't have much to say, but to... It's gotten awkward.
00:22:38Guest 6:I mean, there have been awkward moments, because I don't know... But you had a political radio show.
00:22:43Guest 6:Do you have at least some things in common with...
00:22:46Marc:Yeah, but there's that expectation now.
00:22:48Guest 6:I don't have much in common with 14-year-old runaways.
00:22:51Marc:Have you ever had a situation where a fan is offered... I was in San Francisco, and they're very nice offers.
00:23:01Marc:Some guy who worked at Pixar said he would take me on tour of Pixar.
00:23:04Marc:Someone said he worked at Lucasfilms, and he said I could take a tour there.
00:23:07Marc:I just didn't have time.
00:23:08Marc:I was just too busy trying to do the podcast stuff.
00:23:11Marc:Have you ever had that situation where you're in a position where...
00:23:14Marc:Where I get something out of it.
00:23:17Guest 6:Why don't you tell that story about the hotel?
00:23:19Guest 6:Oh, right.
00:23:20Guest 6:Sorry.
00:23:20Guest 6:Shit.
00:23:21Guest 6:Oh, so yes.
00:23:22Guest 6:So no, yes.
00:23:23Guest 6:Yes to that.
00:23:24Guest 6:Yeah.
00:23:24Guest 6:Of course.
00:23:25Guest 6:Yeah.
00:23:25Guest 6:Of course I have.
00:23:29Guest 6:Yeah.
00:23:29Guest 6:All the time.
00:23:30Guest 6:Yeah.
00:23:30Guest 1:Like what?
00:23:30Guest 6:Well, actually, I was in Boston once and...
00:23:34Guest 6:This is funny in terms of how when you have fans, you don't necessarily like them or you don't want to like them on several levels, on two levels.
00:23:46Guest 6:I was in Boston and there was this guy who was a friend of one of the people who worked on the cartoon who was a big fan of the cartoon.
00:23:53Guest 6:Right.
00:23:54Guest 6:And I was staying at this hotel.
00:23:55Guest 6:Home movies.
00:23:56Guest 6:Home movies.
00:23:56Guest 6:Yeah.
00:23:57Guest 6:So he was like, when you go there, you got to see this guy, Scott or whatever.
00:24:01Guest 6:He'll hook you up.
00:24:02Guest 6:You know, he's a great guy.
00:24:03Guest 6:He's a friend of mine.
00:24:04Guest 6:He'll take care of you.
00:24:05Guest 6:He loves you.
00:24:05Guest 6:He loves your character or whatever.
00:24:08Guest 6:So I went there and I went to this hotel and he was like right there, you know, greet, you know, Hey man, awesome.
00:24:15Guest 6:You're here.
00:24:15Guest 6:Yeah.
00:24:16Guest 6:Yeah.
00:24:16Guest 6:Thanks.
00:24:17Guest 6:Like, I hooked you up with a bottle of wine.
00:24:18Guest 6:I got your bottle of wine.
00:24:20Guest 6:sent to your room great that's great man and uh you know uh i got you free porn like i hooked i got i know the guy who does the switcher and he switched it off on your room so you're set man you never have to leave like wow that's great i got wine and porn all in one it's a two for one
00:24:41Guest 6:And, yeah, he was like, yeah, I'm super excited.
00:24:43Guest 6:And then he was kind of like, you know, he'd outstayed his welcome while I'm checking in.
00:24:47Guest 6:You know, he just came all the way in with me, grabbed my bags.
00:24:50Guest 6:And, all right, man, I'm going to go up to the room and, you know, get some of that porn and wine.
00:24:54Guest 6:So I'm going to head up.
00:24:55Guest 6:Yeah, man, great meeting you.
00:24:57Guest 6:uh okay great like literally like 10 minutes later open the door that guy yeah not not even a blink walks in yeah just not like hey man walks in the room yeah like i'm in my like a bathrobe yeah i think i just took a shower yeah like hey man what are you doing hey man i'm on my break
00:25:23Guest 6:I'm like, okay, you just walked into my room.
00:25:26Guest 6:I don't know you.
00:25:27Guest 6:I mean, I know your friend.
00:25:29Guest 6:You got me free.
00:25:31Guest 6:Yeah, then it grabs the remote.
00:25:34Guest 6:It turns on the porn.
00:25:36Guest 6:It was for him.
00:25:41Guest 6:and then he's like he literally sat on the edge of the they had like a you know uh i don't know what you call it like an odd big long ottoman at the end of the bed or whatever that he sat down on that grabbed the thing turned on switching channels i'm in my bathrobe it's standing there yeah like dude um can you got to get out of here like i mean i didn't say that but he's like turns out yeah there it is there's the porn
00:26:04Guest 6:Yeah, there it is.
00:26:05Guest 6:Yeah, you smoke?
00:26:07Guest 6:You smoke pot?
00:26:08Guest 6:He pulls out a bowl.
00:26:09Guest 3:Yeah.
00:26:09Guest 6:Not right now, man.
00:26:11Guest 6:You got to get out of here.
00:26:13Guest 3:There's nothing more awkward than watching porn with someone you know.
00:26:16Guest 3:Let alone, there's nothing worse than you're at a place where a guy says, I got to show you this porn.
00:26:21Guest 3:I'm like, well, what's supposed to happen now?
00:26:23Guest 6:Right, you have to have a good plan for that to work out.
00:26:26Guest 3:You got a guy you don't know.
00:26:29Guest 6:That's hilarious.
00:26:30Guest 6:I'm like, I don't think I'm going to get high with you right now.
00:26:32Guest 6:Oh, man.
00:26:33Guest 6:Well, yeah.
00:26:33Guest 6:Okay.
00:26:34Guest 6:Yeah.
00:26:34Guest 6:You got to work tomorrow.
00:26:35Guest 6:Yeah.
00:26:36Guest 6:Yeah.
00:26:36Guest 6:Okay.
00:26:37Guest 6:Like, he's giving the reasons why we shouldn't do this.
00:26:40Marc:Oh, good.
00:26:41Marc:But, you know, he got the hint finally.
00:26:42Marc:Yeah.
00:26:43Guest 6:Yeah.
00:26:43Guest 6:So, yeah.
00:26:43Guest 6:You got to go.
00:26:44Guest 6:I got to, you know, I got to get some sleep.
00:26:45Guest 6:But thanks for the porn.
00:26:46Guest 6:And so, you know, he left.
00:26:48Guest 6:And then I ended up watching.
00:26:50Guest 6:Yeah.
00:26:50Guest 6:The porn.
00:26:51Guest 6:He left it.
00:26:52Guest 6:So I'm watching.
00:26:53Guest 6:And this is totally true.
00:26:54Guest 6:Two days later, I flew to LA.
00:26:58Guest 6:Yeah.
00:26:58Guest 6:And I'm at baggage claim at LAX.
00:27:02Guest 6:And I see the guy who was fucking.
00:27:05Guest 6:in the movie i was watching like the porn actor yeah with a porn actress like standing waiting for their luggage and at first i'm like i don't reckon like i'm trying to how do i how do i know that yeah holy shit yeah like i saw a guy fucking on the way yeah two days ago yeah two nights ago did you say anything and no but i'm looking at him and then he looked at me
00:27:25Guest 6:And just gave me this, like, look like, like, oh, Jesus.
00:27:30Guest 6:Like, I fucking hate my fans.
00:27:32Guest 6:Because it's a 42-year-old bald guy.
00:27:36Guest 4:Thanks for everything you do, man.
00:27:37Guest 6:Yeah.
00:27:38Guest 6:So, you know, like, as much as I maybe...
00:27:43Guest 6:annoyed by my fans that guy's just like oh this is the worst yeah because uh just these 40 year old and i'm not i'm trying to like tell him like that's not no no i know what you're thinking there's a story yeah i'm not a huge fan
00:27:59Guest 6:There was this one weird circumstance.
00:28:03Guest 6:Very unusual.
00:28:04Marc:That's a great story.
00:28:07Marc:Yeah, it's funny.
00:28:08Marc:So tell me about some of these.
00:28:10Marc:You guys do these pranks on each other, and I don't understand that type of comedy.
00:28:14Marc:What do you mean?
00:28:17Marc:You and Sam.
00:28:19Guest 6:You're so ridiculous.
00:28:21Guest 6:You've never pulled a prank on someone?
00:28:23Guest 4:No, it's mean and hurtful.
00:28:25Guest 6:That's not true.
00:28:26Guest 4:It's not?
00:28:26Marc:No.
00:28:27Marc:Maybe you weren't the crying boy in seventh grade.
00:28:30Guest 6:Well, I mean, I can't take responsibility for your childhood.
00:28:33Marc:Why not?
00:28:34Guest 6:That's not fair.
00:28:35Marc:Well, okay, the prank you did on the phone, that was funny.
00:28:38Guest 6:So I call... Wait, it was funny or it was... It was irritating.
00:28:42Marc:Yeah, yeah.
00:28:43Marc:Here's my reaction to that prank.
00:28:45Marc:I'm an idiot.
00:28:46Marc:Why did I even fall for that?
00:28:47Guest 6:No, see, I take it differently.
00:28:49Guest 6:I take it like I included you.
00:28:52Guest 6:Fine.
00:28:53Guest 6:And that's nice.
00:28:53Guest 6:So you call... The kid who no one liked, I included.
00:28:56Marc:Okay.
00:28:57Marc:Yes.
00:28:58Marc:Thank you.
00:28:58Marc:So you call John's cell phone and you get a message like, hey, this is John.
00:29:03Marc:If you need to reach me, my new cell phone number is.
00:29:06Marc:He gives his cell phone number.
00:29:08Marc:And then you're in your car.
00:29:09Marc:You're risking your life calling anyways.
00:29:12Marc:And then you call the number that he leaves after you remember it while you're driving.
00:29:16Marc:And it's the same number.
00:29:21Guest 6:That one is working like a child.
00:29:27Guest 6:But I get a lot of that.
00:29:28Guest 6:I do get a lot of that, like, what?
00:29:31Guest 6:Why?
00:29:32Guest 6:Why would you do, like...
00:29:35Guest 6:Why did you waste my fucking time?
00:29:36Guest 4:It's really funny to talk about, but I didn't enjoy the experience at the time.
00:29:40Guest 6:No, if you're in your car, if that's the way you died, I would feel bad.
00:29:44Guest 4:Well, maybe you should think about that.
00:29:46Guest 6:Yeah.
00:29:47Guest 6:No, I've done phone pranks that have gone awry.
00:29:50Guest 6:Like what?
00:29:51Guest 6:It's too long a story, but it involved the FBI.
00:29:54Guest 6:Let's hear it.
00:29:55Guest 6:And my friend Charlie.
00:29:56Guest 6:You know Charlie Fisher.
00:29:57Guest 6:I do.
00:29:57Guest 6:How's he doing?
00:29:58Guest 6:I don't know.
00:29:59Guest 6:I've got to call him while I'm out here.
00:30:00Marc:So, wait.
00:30:01Marc:No, this sounds good.
00:30:02Marc:Let's do this because this could be a great thing for the show.
00:30:05Marc:Okay.
00:30:05Marc:So you and Charlie Fisher.
00:30:06Guest 6:This was a long time ago.
00:30:07Guest 6:Charlie Fisher was a friend of mine.
00:30:09Guest 6:He lived in Boston in the South End.
00:30:12Guest 6:And I would occasionally stay at his apartment when I didn't have other places to live.
00:30:18Guest 6:The gist of it was we were watching TV.
00:30:20Guest 6:We were getting high.
00:30:23Guest 6:And he was telling me the story about my mom is a ballet teacher.
00:30:28Guest 6:And me and Charlie grew up in the same town where his sister lived.
00:30:31Guest 6:So he was telling me that his sister's kids are going to go to this other ballet school that was in Worcester.
00:30:41Guest 6:It was kind of a rival to my mom's.
00:30:44Marc:Your mom taught ballet.
00:30:45Marc:My mom taught ballet.
00:30:47Marc:Okay.
00:30:48Guest 6:So I jokingly sort of said, you know, like, let's call her and, you know, give me her number.
00:30:53Guest 6:I'm going to call her and tell her not to do that.
00:30:57Guest 6:So he did, and I called their phone.
00:30:59Guest 6:It was a machine, and the message came on, and I left this message in an old lady voice or something.
00:31:07Guest 7:Like, you know, this is Diane from the Charlotte Klein Dance School.
00:31:17Guest 7:After reviewing your daughter's application, we don't feel she's ready for the Charlotte Klein program.
00:31:25Guest 7:Perhaps you should try...
00:31:26Guest 6:uh performing arts school or something like that whatever you know that was your mother's school that was my mother's okay so it was dumb but yeah and that was it like hung up and you know i don't even think charlie laughed he was just you know watching porn or yeah so the the what happened was like three weeks later i got a
00:31:54Guest 6:Like, this is fucked.
00:31:56Guest 6:Like, I went to Worcester, and we are fucked.
00:31:59Guest 6:Like, you're fucked.
00:32:00Guest 6:Like, what are you talking about?
00:32:02Guest 6:Your message.
00:32:03Guest 6:What?
00:32:05Guest 6:What?
00:32:06Guest 6:What do you mean?
00:32:08Guest 6:Well, his sister was like a lawyer who worked for his father, who was also a lawyer.
00:32:13Guest 6:It was a big, I think, divorce attorney in Worcester.
00:32:18Guest 6:And the sister was representing – they were involved in a really, I guess, like ugly divorce case where the mother of the woman was involved somehow and she was harassing.
00:32:31Guest 6:Charlie's sister.
00:32:32Guest 6:Okay.
00:32:33Guest 7:Like with, you know, you fucking, you know, whatever.
00:32:36Guest 6:The mom was involved and was a mean, angry person.
00:32:38Guest 6:Right.
00:32:40Guest 6:So they took that message to be the mother of the woman involved in the case.
00:32:47Guest 6:Yeah.
00:32:48Guest 6:And then they took that as a threat on Dee Dee's daughter's life because they know where the kid goes to ballet school.
00:32:57Guest 6:Right.
00:32:58Guest 4:Oh, my God.
00:33:01Guest 6:So apparently, like, in the three weeks before Charlie's call, they had called the FBI.
00:33:07Guest 6:They've made voice match messages.
00:33:10Guest 6:They pay, like, whatever, eight grand to do voice match from the machine, the tape of me going, this is Diane from the shop.
00:33:22Guest 6:I don't know how they jump, but apparently, like, whatever it was, they felt like, I must have sounded just like that woman.
00:33:29Guest 6:And that woman was, you know, making this veiled threat about, I know where your daughter goes to.
00:33:36Guest 3:Oh, my God.
00:33:37Guest 6:So I lived with Sam Seder at the time, and Sam Seder, you know, has these devices where you record phone calls.
00:33:45Guest 6:Yeah.
00:33:46Guest 6:And Charlie's father called, and we recorded it.
00:33:49Guest 6:I don't know if he still has it.
00:33:51Guest 6:But, I mean, he was, you know, he was, you psycho fucking idiot.
00:33:59Guest 7:You're fucking... You will never make a cent.
00:34:01Guest 7:I'm going to sue you.
00:34:03Guest 7:You will never make a cent for the rest of your fucking life, you psycho.
00:34:06Guest 7:How could you do that?
00:34:08Guest 6:I was like, I... It's funny.
00:34:10Guest 6:It was, yeah.
00:34:11Guest 6:I didn't even... Like, how was I... How did this resolve itself?
00:34:14Guest 6:Oh, never.
00:34:15Guest 6:Oh, really?
00:34:16Guest 6:I mean, Charlie was...
00:34:18Guest 6:Charlie apparently like completely sold me under the bridge.
00:34:23Guest 6:Like he went home and it was like that scene from like The Godfather, like the father's pacing.
00:34:29Guest 4:Yeah.
00:34:30Guest 6:You know, and Charlie's like, what's going on?
00:34:31Guest 6:And they're like, you know, this is bad.
00:34:34Guest 6:You know, this is bad.
00:34:35Guest 6:What's happening?
00:34:36Guest 6:This woman is, you know, trying to kill Dee Dee's daughter.
00:34:41Guest 6:Yeah.
00:34:41Guest 6:And then, you know, and Charlie's like, what's going on?
00:34:44Guest 6:Yeah.
00:34:45Guest 6:And then, you know, whatever they told him about the tape and the message.
00:34:48Guest 6:And Charlie's like, that was John Benjamin.
00:34:52Guest 6:Right away.
00:34:53Guest 6:Like, immediately, like, that was my friend John.
00:34:55Guest 6:Like, what?
00:34:57Guest 4:Oh, they'd already called the FBI and everything else.
00:34:59Guest 6:They apparently had done voice match.
00:35:01Guest 6:Oh, and it matched?
00:35:02Marc:Where you send the tape to the... And I guess... It didn't match.
00:35:06Marc:Yes, that woman.
00:35:08Guest 6:Me and that woman served 16 years.
00:35:11Marc:And that's a story where John knew he had an incredible talent for doing voices.
00:35:15Guest 6:Yeah, but that was one that worked out way better than I could have ever imagined.
00:35:20Guest 6:The prank.
00:35:21Guest 6:Well, it wasn't even, you know.
00:35:22Guest 6:Yeah.
00:35:23Guest 6:You know, I used to do them to my mom, and those never went well.
00:35:27Guest 6:There was, yeah.
00:35:28Marc:And you do them to Sam, too, don't you?
00:35:30Marc:Don't you do them to each other?
00:35:32Guest 6:You know, I don't do as much anymore as I used to.
00:35:34Guest 6:Because he knows that you're going to do it?
00:35:36Guest 6:Well, yeah, that's a problem with pranks.
00:35:39Marc:Like, is it possible that you're not really out here to do Dimitri's show and you're just... I'm just fucking with you.
00:35:45Marc:Yeah.
00:35:45Guest 6:I'm out here to do this.
00:35:47Marc:I knew it.
00:35:48Marc:See, you are going to be my sidekick.
00:35:51Marc:I'm telling you, money's going to come in, John.
00:35:54Marc:It's going to start happening.
00:35:55Guest 6:I will make my demands if you can meet them.
00:35:58Marc:And we'll get you a better chair.
00:36:00Marc:We'll get a better chair.
00:36:01Marc:This one's fine.
00:36:01Marc:This one's fine.
00:36:02Marc:Thank you for coming.
00:36:03Guest 6:You're welcome.
00:36:04Marc:It was very nice of you to take the time.
00:36:06Marc:It was a lot of fun.
00:36:07Marc:It was, right?
00:36:07Guest 6:It was all right.
00:36:08Guest 6:It's a little stuffy in here.
00:36:19Marc:I'm sure you've heard of him, or you may have seen him.
00:36:24Marc:You may not know him by voice, but by name, most people know Come On Now.
00:36:30Marc:He is one of the, I guess, a veteran comic.
00:36:33Marc:I mean, God knows, I remember him since I started, and I don't usually have people from his generation on the show as much as I should.
00:36:41Marc:Welcome to the show.
00:36:42Marc:Come on now.
00:36:42Marc:Come on now.
00:36:43Marc:Oh, there he is.
00:36:45Marc:How you doing?
00:36:45Guest 5:How you doing?
00:36:46Guest 5:Mark Maron.
00:36:47Marc:I'm all right, man.
00:36:48Marc:I'm all right.
00:36:49Marc:I don't know if you remember, but we worked together, I think, in, it was probably 1989.
00:36:55Guest 5:Of course.
00:36:56Marc:You remember?
00:36:56Marc:No, I remember.
00:36:57Marc:Yeah, you did the, yeah, you used to what?
00:36:59Marc:Yeah, exactly.
00:37:00Marc:That's right.
00:37:01Marc:I can tell you remember.
00:37:02Marc:I did the, you know, I had longer hair.
00:37:04Marc:Of course.
00:37:04Marc:We were doing, it was in Cranston, Rhode Island.
00:37:06Guest 5:You had different glasses.
00:37:08Guest 5:Different glasses.
00:37:08Guest 5:You had the bit about the Liberty Bell, right?
00:37:11Guest 5:You had the Liberty Bell bit.
00:37:13Guest 5:The crack in the Liberty Bell?
00:37:14Marc:Sure, sure.
00:37:15Marc:Yeah, and maybe I did have that bit.
00:37:16Marc:You're funny.
00:37:17Marc:Yeah, thank you very much.
00:37:18Marc:You're a funny man.
00:37:19Marc:The reason I remember is at a bowling alley in Cranston, Rhode Island.
00:37:22Marc:It was a one-nighter.
00:37:23Marc:It was a big night.
00:37:24Marc:And I think it was actually before, if I'm not mistaken, I think it was before you called yourself Come On Now.
00:37:30Guest 5:Oh, yes, yes.
00:37:31Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:37:32Marc:You still did the Come On Now, but it didn't become the industry that it did.
00:37:36Guest 5:Yeah, well, I changed my name to a stage name.
00:37:39Guest 5:From Come On Now?
00:37:39Guest 5:Yeah, Jason Goldenhersh.
00:37:41Marc:That was what you were using as a stage name.
00:37:42Guest 5:Yeah, yeah, and I'd still do the Come On Nows.
00:37:44Guest 5:I'd still do my style.
00:37:45Guest 5:I mean, I'd do my style.
00:37:46Guest 5:Yeah.
00:37:47Guest 5:Then I felt guilty about it, and I changed my name back to my God-given name.
00:37:51Guest 5:Come on now.
00:37:52Marc:Right.
00:37:52Marc:Well, you didn't want to offend your parents, Mr. and Mrs. Come on now.
00:37:56Marc:Right.
00:37:57Marc:Yeah, sure.
00:37:57Marc:Sure.
00:37:58Marc:Now, a lot of people don't realize that to have a hook, to be a guy with a hook, is very memorable because everybody knows you.
00:38:06Marc:And that it's not all about the hook.
00:38:09Marc:No.
00:38:10Marc:You're up there.
00:38:10Marc:You're writing every day.
00:38:11Guest 5:No, I'm writing every day.
00:38:13Guest 5:I mean, come on.
00:38:13Guest 5:Let's face it.
00:38:14Guest 5:Stand-up comedy is bullshit.
00:38:16Guest 5:Right.
00:38:17Guest 5:It's terrible.
00:38:18Marc:Right.
00:38:18Marc:Now it is.
00:38:18Marc:Yeah, sure.
00:38:19Marc:It's horrible.
00:38:20Guest 5:People going up on stage, swilling a pint of tapioca and sliming on stage and talking about airplanes and all this bullshit.
00:38:28Guest 5:Sure.
00:38:28Guest 5:And, you know, me and you, we're different.
00:38:30Guest 5:We're artists.
00:38:31Guest 5:Yeah, we come from the old school.
00:38:32Guest 5:Yeah, we're from the old school.
00:38:34Guest 5:So, like, you know, I have a hook, but at the same time, you know, I'm an artist.
00:38:37Guest 5:And so I talk about, you know, modern events, popular culture, things that are going on.
00:38:42Marc:Politics?
00:38:43Marc:You do any politics?
00:38:43Guest 5:Oh, I got tons of political comments.
00:38:45Marc:Oh, really?
00:38:45Marc:Do you have, like, you're talking about the health care issue at all?
00:38:49Marc:Oh, sure, of course, yeah.
00:38:51Marc:What do you got?
00:38:52Marc:Obamacare.
00:38:55Marc:Come on now.
00:38:57Marc:Right.
00:38:57Marc:Yeah.
00:38:58Marc:It's like, there's something about the, it's in the waiting, I think.
00:39:00Marc:Yeah.
00:39:01Marc:I think it's in the pause.
00:39:02Marc:Yeah.
00:39:02Marc:So like, what are some of the other topics you've been challenging, you've been working on?
00:39:06Guest 5:Oh, it's endless.
00:39:07Guest 5:It's endless.
00:39:07Guest 5:You know, there's been so many, probably like 2 million commandos over the past, you know, since 84.
00:39:14Guest 5:But, you know, today, these days, look, ready?
00:39:18Marc:Ready?
00:39:18Marc:Yeah.
00:39:18Marc:Let's do a little.
00:39:19Marc:Let's do a little.
00:39:19Guest 5:Let's say I just walked on stage.
00:39:21Marc:All right.
00:39:21Marc:Okay.
00:39:21Marc:Okay.
00:39:21Marc:Wait, hold on.
00:39:22Marc:Now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to stage.
00:39:24Marc:Come on now.
00:39:25Marc:All right.
00:39:25Guest 5:All this dancing on television.
00:39:33Guest 5:Come on now.
00:39:36Guest 5:The Shia LaBeouf phenomenon.
00:39:45Guest 5:Come on now.
00:39:48Guest 5:These Mormon kiddie rape cults with their effeminate leaders.
00:39:53Guest 5:Warren Jeffs.
00:39:55Guest 5:I'm not talking about big love here.
00:39:57Guest 5:I'm talking about the real weirdos.
00:40:03Guest 5:Come on now.
00:40:05Marc:When do you decide to, because have you ever tried jokes that perhaps you turn a phrase or something?
00:40:14Marc:Oh, like, what are we talking about here?
00:40:18Guest 5:Right.
00:40:18Guest 5:That's a guy in Seattle.
00:40:20Guest 5:What are we talking about?
00:40:21Marc:Oh, yeah.
00:40:22Marc:Oh, that's right.
00:40:22Marc:Now, I know that sometimes you build to a bigger come on now.
00:40:26Guest 5:Yeah.
00:40:26Guest 5:Oh, yeah.
00:40:27Marc:That's the build, right?
00:40:28Guest 5:Like a bigger come on now would be like, come on now.
00:40:31Guest 5:Right?
00:40:33Marc:Yeah.
00:40:34Guest 5:Come on, man.
00:40:35Guest 5:How do you decide whether to go over the top like that?
00:40:38Guest 5:Well, I mean, it's the subject matter.
00:40:40Guest 5:You know, I'll be like, you know, I'll talk about like, you know, hey, funny, you know, funny papers, serious comics mixed in with the funny papers comics, the regular funny ones.
00:40:51Guest 5:Come on now.
00:40:52Guest 5:That's a little come on now.
00:40:53Guest 1:Right.
00:40:53Guest 5:But then I'll be like, you know, Octomom and this John Gosling scumbag with the kitty cash grab bonanza.
00:41:01Guest 5:Come on, man!
00:41:03Guest 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:04Guest 5:Right, right, right.
00:41:05Guest 5:You just sort of feel out the audience.
00:41:06Guest 5:That's a big come on.
00:41:08Marc:Yeah, yeah.
00:41:08Guest 5:It depends on the room.
00:41:09Guest 5:It depends on the room.
00:41:10Marc:Sure, sure.
00:41:11Marc:Now, when you work a room, do you find ever that people, you know, they sort of get it early on in the show?
00:41:17Guest 5:Yeah, they get it early on because it's a very simple concept, and then they will get used to it, and then you surprise them.
00:41:27Guest 5:You throw in some come on nows that they might not expect, and then you hit them with a couple zingers.
00:41:33Guest 5:And then you mess with the pauses.
00:41:36Guest 5:A five-second pause is going to get a different reaction than a 35, one-minute pause.
00:41:41Marc:Let's try it, because I'm generally a pretty good audience.
00:41:44Marc:Okay, okay.
00:41:45Marc:So let's do the range of pauses that you use, because a lot of people that listen to the show are comedy nerds, and they like to hear about the craft.
00:41:53Guest 5:Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, of course.
00:41:55Guest 5:Okay, how about Garfield creator Jim Davis allowing the movie Garfield 2, A Tale of Two Kitties, to be greenlit?
00:42:12Guest 5:Come on now.
00:42:13Guest 5:Now that was a 10 second pause.
00:42:15Guest 1:Right.
00:42:15Guest 5:You've got like an internal time.
00:42:16Guest 1:Slip to the same joke.
00:42:17Guest 5:Okay.
00:42:18Guest 5:Okay.
00:42:18Guest 5:Garfield creator Jim Davis allowing the movie Garfield, A Tale of Two Kitties, to be greenlit.
00:42:24Guest 5:Come on now.
00:42:25Guest 5:Pow.
00:42:26Guest 5:Right?
00:42:26Guest 5:Right.
00:42:26Guest 5:Boom.
00:42:27Marc:Get him.
00:42:27Marc:Get him.
00:42:28Marc:Right.
00:42:28Guest 5:Depends on if, I mean, in Atlanta, at the Laughing Skull.
00:42:32Marc:Yeah.
00:42:32Marc:You think that you got to stay on top of that crowd.
00:42:34Guest 5:Yeah, exactly.
00:42:34Guest 5:You've got to stay on top of the crowd, but you're in your more hippie, dippy, crazy, weirdo places, your Rafifis.
00:42:44Marc:Sure, sure.
00:42:45Marc:If that still exists.
00:42:46Marc:Yeah, I know what you're saying.
00:42:47Marc:Yeah, the alternative comedy guys.
00:42:48Guest 5:Yeah, you can give them alternative comedy guys.
00:42:51Marc:They seem to give you some respect, though.
00:42:52Marc:I've seen you at the UCB.
00:42:53Guest 5:Oh, definitely.
00:42:54Guest 5:I'm always at the UCB, always doing Comedy Death Ray, always doing Scenics Tuesday.
00:43:01Guest 5:Have you got any CDs out?
00:43:02Guest 5:Yeah, I got a CD.
00:43:04Guest 5:It's coming out now.
00:43:04Guest 5:It's Come On Now 18.
00:43:06Guest 5:Oh, yeah?
00:43:06Guest 5:Yeah, Come On Now 18.
00:43:08Guest 5:Did you do 18 other ones?
00:43:09Guest 5:I did 18 other ones.
00:43:10Guest 5:I've been doing them once a year for 18 years.
00:43:13Marc:Do you record them in front of a live audience?
00:43:15Marc:No.
00:43:16Marc:Oh, just at home?
00:43:16Guest 5:Yeah.
00:43:17Marc:Why not?
00:43:18Marc:Why not?
00:43:19Marc:Why not save yourself the expense?
00:43:20Guest 5:Yeah, I got a little studio.
00:43:21Guest 5:It's covered in foam.
00:43:22Guest 5:It's in a refrigerator box.
00:43:24Guest 5:I sit in there.
00:43:25Marc:You sit in the refrigerator box at home?
00:43:26Marc:Oh, I will.
00:43:27Marc:I'll sit in the refrigerator box.
00:43:27Marc:Does that work?
00:43:28Marc:Because I feel like I'm not insulated enough.
00:43:30Marc:Do you think I should put egg cartons up or something?
00:43:33Marc:Absolutely.
00:43:34Marc:You do?
00:43:34Guest 5:Egg cartons will make this into a real studio.
00:43:37Guest 5:Do you live alone or do you live with- No, I have a wife.
00:43:40Guest 5:You do?
00:43:41Guest 5:Her name is Get Outta Town.
00:43:42Guest 5:no no it is no come on oh she changed her name yeah so do you guys do that around the house yeah i'm like come on now she's like get out of town it's a sexy game we play usually you know at least the sex do you ever really talk do we ever really talk yeah well i mean we'll be like you know we'll have some pasta
00:44:00Guest 5:Yeah, right.
00:44:01Marc:Eating the pasta.
00:44:01Marc:Yeah.
00:44:02Guest 5:Eating it, eating it, eating it.
00:44:03Marc:Yeah.
00:44:04Guest 5:I'll be like, ugh, come on now.
00:44:05Guest 5:And she'll be like, get out of town.
00:44:08Guest 5:And then we'll fucking, you know, turn on Leno Ateno.
00:44:13Guest 5:I love some Leno Ateno.
00:44:14Guest 5:Turn on Leno Ateno.
00:44:15Guest 5:Did he make that up?
00:44:16Guest 5:Did you make it off?
00:44:17Marc:Leno Ateno?
00:44:18Guest 5:Oh, no, no, that's mine.
00:44:19Guest 5:It is?
00:44:20Guest 5:Oh, no, that's mine.
00:44:20Guest 5:That's terrific.
00:44:21Guest 5:That's mine, Leno Ateno's mine.
00:44:22Marc:You should probably ask him, have you been on Leno?
00:44:25Guest 5:I've never been on Leno.
00:44:26Guest 5:Leno.
00:44:26Guest 5:Leno Ateno?
00:44:27Guest 5:I think that if you shot him an email, he said Leno Ateno.
00:44:30Guest 5:No.
00:44:30Guest 5:No, I offended his booker.
00:44:31Guest 5:What are you talking about?
00:44:32Guest 5:I want to tell him.
00:44:33Guest 5:I said, hey, man.
00:44:34Guest 5:Your shirt?
00:44:38Guest 5:Come on now.
00:44:42Guest 5:I didn't mean to be completely insulting, but you had a ridiculous shirt on, so your shirt, come on now.
00:44:47Marc:Now, when you travel, do you just drive around?
00:44:50Marc:Yeah, I'm afraid of flying.
00:44:52Marc:Are you?
00:44:52Marc:Yeah.
00:44:52Marc:Come on now.
00:44:53Guest 5:No.
00:44:54Marc:I like that.
00:44:55Guest 5:That's good.
00:44:55Guest 5:Don't fuck with me, all right?
00:44:56Guest 5:I'm sorry.
00:44:56Marc:Don't steal my hat.
00:44:57Marc:I'm sorry.
00:44:58Marc:Don't steal your jokes.
00:44:59Marc:I didn't steal your Liberty Bell routine.
00:45:02Marc:Yeah, I'm not even sure I did that joke, but I was being polite.
00:45:05Marc:But if we're going to have a problem here on my show, that's fine with me.
00:45:07Marc:Oh, you're being polite?
00:45:08Guest 5:I don't need you to be polite with me.
00:45:10Marc:You don't, huh?
00:45:10Guest 5:No.
00:45:11Guest 5:Come on now.
00:45:12Marc:All right, well, look, I'll be honest with you.
00:45:14Marc:When we worked together, you were a douchebag.
00:45:16Marc:You asked me to sell your Come On Now t-shirts.
00:45:19Guest 5:I was a fucking douchebag.
00:45:21Marc:Who asked the opener when you're working with him, like, hey, by the way, I'm going to be backstage.
00:45:26Marc:Do you mind sitting at the table?
00:45:27Guest 5:Listen, yeah, I have a table for merchandise.
00:45:29Guest 5:You're opening for me.
00:45:30Guest 5:You should be happy to sell my merchandise.
00:45:33Marc:Look, I was just starting out.
00:45:34Marc:I was looking to learn, and I got to deal with you.
00:45:36Marc:I got to sit there with Come On Now t-shirts, and then you were selling I'm With Stupid t-shirts, which you didn't even make up.
00:45:41Guest 5:Yeah, I didn't even make that up, but I made more money on the I'm With Stupid t-shirts than the Come On Now t-shirts.
00:45:45Guest 5:So you told me where the logic is, Maren, all right?
00:45:48Guest 5:I know you're big time, all right?
00:45:50Guest 5:I'm not big time.
00:45:51Guest 5:time now, okay?
00:45:52Guest 5:You're big, you're in the stratosphere, and you think you're all great, and I'm still slumming it out in Sheepshead Bay.
00:46:01Guest 5:Whose fault is that?
00:46:02Guest 5:Whose fault is that?
00:46:03Guest 5:I don't know.
00:46:04Marc:What are you doing in Los Angeles?
00:46:05Marc:I mean, I heard they were thinking about doing a come on now show, and you're acting all like the victim here.
00:46:11Guest 5:No, my brother lost his house.
00:46:13Guest 5:My brother lost his house, and I've come here to just get down on my knees in front of the people who bought the house, and just begged them to give them the house back.
00:46:20Marc:Really?
00:46:21Marc:Yeah.
00:46:22Marc:And how does that look?
00:46:23Marc:Do you just stand outside?
00:46:24Guest 5:I'm going to go up to these guys that have been to me like, this house.
00:46:32Guest 5:Come on now.
00:46:33Guest 5:I'm just going to be like, come on now, give it back to my brother.
00:46:36Marc:hopefully they've seen the act if they haven't you know it's not a big deal but you know i think they'll get the point and by the way that little bit of friction we had about our past yeah i'm sorry look you know i i've you know i worked with a lot of guys you you know it was uh you know you were at a different point now it was the 80s you're all hopped up yeah i was i was you're out of control quite honestly cocaine it was ridiculous i was blinking in and out yeah well probably like now that i talk to you
00:47:00Marc:I realized back then because you were doing the Coke and you're already bitter about shit.
00:47:06Marc:And honestly, the difference between your style now and then when you're on Coke, because the come on nows were very quick.
00:47:12Marc:Have you ever watched tape of yourself when you're on Coke?
00:47:14Marc:Oh, yeah.
00:47:14Marc:It's like crazy.
00:47:15Marc:I can't believe it.
00:47:16Marc:Right.
00:47:16Marc:You were like, oh, there's healthcare.
00:47:18Marc:Come on now.
00:47:18Marc:Come on now.
00:47:19Marc:It's like Reganonics.
00:47:20Marc:Come on now.
00:47:20Guest 5:Star Wars.
00:47:21Guest 5:Come on now.
00:47:21Guest 5:Okay, that's my time.
00:47:23Guest 5:There was no beat.
00:47:23Guest 5:Yeah, there was no beat.
00:47:24Guest 5:Now that I've mellowed out, I've gotten funny.
00:47:27Guest 5:I'm the funniest I've ever been, which is why it's very surprising that I can't afford to do anything.
00:47:32Marc:Maybe people still remember the way you were then.
00:47:34Marc:You've got to make some apologies.
00:47:35Guest 5:Yeah, maybe I should.
00:47:36Marc:Maybe you should go down to Leno at Tenno.
00:47:38Guest 5:Yeah, Leno at Tenno.
00:47:40Marc:Say I'm sorry.
00:47:40Guest 5:Yeah, please.
00:47:42Guest 5:I implore you, have me on your show.
00:47:43Marc:Right, and that would be a different sort of like, instead of the come on now that you're used to doing, maybe you should change your tone a little bit.
00:47:52Marc:I need some work.
00:47:53Marc:Come on now.
00:47:55Marc:Yeah.
00:47:56Marc:You know.
00:47:56Marc:Yeah.
00:47:57Guest 5:It's not funny, but it's effective.
00:47:59Guest 5:It's still got the same power.
00:48:00Guest 5:You know, my sister's kids don't talk to me.
00:48:03Guest 5:They look at me and they turn around and walk away.
00:48:07Guest 5:Come on now.
00:48:08Marc:Yeah, right.
00:48:09Guest 5:Give me some work.
00:48:10Marc:Right.
00:48:10Marc:Put me on.
00:48:11Marc:Right.
00:48:11Marc:Leno Ateno.
00:48:12Marc:Did you ever think maybe you could change the whole hook and just maybe lose the come on now and just make it give me some work?
00:48:18Guest 5:Give me some work.
00:48:19Guest 5:Okay.
00:48:19Marc:How about this?
00:48:20Marc:How about this?
00:48:20Marc:Use one of your old jokes and just try it.
00:48:22Guest 5:All right.
00:48:23Guest 5:Well, do one of my jokes from the 90s.
00:48:28Guest 5:Lewinsky Gate.
00:48:33Guest 5:Give me some work.
00:48:35Guest 3:Give me some work.
00:48:36Guest 3:I think that's great.
00:48:39Guest 3:I don't know.
00:48:39Marc:I'm throwing that out there.
00:48:40Marc:I'm trying to help out like an old friend.
00:48:42Marc:Maybe you come on now in the way you always do it and then give me some work.
00:48:48Guest 5:Okay.
00:48:49Guest 5:Let me do one of my ones from the 70s here.
00:48:53Guest 5:This peanut farmer we got in the White House here.
00:48:58Guest 5:Come on now.
00:49:00Guest 5:Give me some work.
00:49:03Guest 5:I think that might work.
00:49:04Guest 5:I think that might work.
00:49:05Guest 5:Give me some work.
00:49:06Guest 5:I think that's actually a really good hook, man.
00:49:08Guest 5:Come on now.
00:49:09Guest 5:Give me some work.
00:49:10Marc:We're in a recession.
00:49:11Guest 5:I'm serious that I'm going to do that on stage.
00:49:14Guest 5:I really am.
00:49:15Guest 5:Come on now.
00:49:15Guest 5:Give me some work.
00:49:17Marc:I really will.
00:49:18Marc:I think that that's great.
00:49:20Marc:All right.
00:49:20Marc:Well, I'm glad I could help out.
00:49:21Marc:I certainly appreciate you spending time with me.
00:49:23Marc:Yeah.
00:49:24Marc:Obviously, you can get all 18 of Come On Now CDs.
00:49:28Marc:They're available.
00:49:29Marc:Are they on iTunes?
00:49:31Marc:No.
00:49:32Marc:All right.
00:49:32Marc:Are they on CD?
00:49:34Guest 5:You can go to ComeOnNow.com.
00:49:35Guest 5:It's back up and running.
00:49:37Guest 5:Are you sure?
00:49:38Guest 5:Yep.
00:49:38Guest 5:Okay.
00:49:38Guest 5:Absolutely.
00:49:39Guest 5:Check it out.
00:49:40Marc:He says ComeOnNow.com is back up and running.
00:49:44Marc:And anytime he's in your town, I mean, go see him.
00:49:47Marc:I mean, come on now.
00:49:48Marc:Come on now.
00:49:49Marc:Give him some work.
00:49:49Marc:Give me some work.
00:49:50Marc:All right.
00:49:55Marc:Okay, that's our show.
00:49:57Marc:I'd like to thank John Benjamin, and I'd like you all to take care of yourselves.
00:50:02Marc:And I want to thank you all for listening, as always.
00:50:04Marc:Thank Brandon McDonald for producing this show, the genius that he is.
00:50:08Marc:And also, please go to punchlinemagazine.com and get the news about comedy.
00:50:13Marc:That's really the most thorough website in dealing with the comedy biz.
00:50:18Marc:They've got videos up there.
00:50:20Marc:They've got breaking news.
00:50:21Marc:They've got everything you need to know about comedy at punchlinemagazine.com.
00:50:26Marc:Also, go to wtfpod.com and get yourself a link to justcoffee.coop.
00:50:31Marc:Put WTF in that coupon box.
00:50:33Marc:You can still get that 10% discount.
00:50:34Marc:No pals.
00:50:36Marc:I've been outside.
00:50:37Marc:I didn't bring any coffee with me.
00:50:39Marc:I'll pal later.
00:50:40Marc:All right?
00:50:40Marc:You're just going to have to, you know, I'll give you one, but it's not going to be followed by a drink because I'll have a coffee with me.
00:50:46Marc:I'm in a car again because this is the best studio I can find here on the road.
00:50:50Marc:It's the car.
00:50:51Marc:But go to WTFPod.com.
00:50:53Marc:Get on the mailing list so I can tell you when I'm coming to your place, to your town.
00:50:57Marc:Give me some money if you want.
00:51:00Marc:I love doing the show.
00:51:01Marc:I'm glad you guys are enjoying it.
00:51:03Marc:Everything you need is at WTFPod.com.
00:51:06Marc:I'll talk to you next time.

Episode 27 - Jon Benjamin / Come On Now

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