Episode 263 - Mary Mack
Guest:Lock the gates!
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Pow!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:And it's also... Eh, what the fuck?
Guest:What's wrong with me?
Guest:It's time for WTF!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:With Mark Maron.
Marc:Alright, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck, buddies?
Marc:What the fuckineers?
Marc:What the fuckanots?
Marc:What the fuckasotans?
Marc:Is that how we did it?
Marc:Is that for Minnesotan what the fuckers?
Marc:I am Mark Maron.
Marc:This is WTF.
Marc:Thank you for joining me.
Marc:Thank you for liking the show.
Marc:Thank you for listening to me.
Marc:Today on the show, I'll get this up front because she's a gift.
Marc:She is a sweet being.
Marc:Mary Mack is on the show.
Marc:She's from Wisconsin, lives in the Minneapolis area.
Marc:I find her enchanting in a very bizarre way.
Marc:And I wanted to put this out there at the top of the show because I know some of you don't plow through my business.
Marc:But Mary Mack is going to be in Nashville tomorrow.
Marc:playing at the Bongo Java After Hours Theater.
Marc:That's tonight, March 19th, and tomorrow, March 20th.
Marc:You can go to bongoafterhours.com for tickets.
Marc:That's going to be happening.
Marc:Also, I will be in Bloomington, Indiana this Friday and Saturday, March 23rd and 24th.
Marc:Come see me there.
Marc:You can go to wtfpod.com and get the link to information.
Marc:Now, I told some of you one other thing before I embark on this story that I promised.
Marc:Today's music is from Afraid of Figs.
Marc:They're a Seattle-based band, and you can check them out at afraidoffigs.com.
Marc:That's the music on today's show.
Marc:So dig it.
Marc:So as you know, last week or the week before, actually, I was in Minnesota, Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Marc:And I had thought, as I told you, I was banned from Acme Comedy Club for 12 years.
Marc:And that's a great comedy club.
Marc:Now, I decided I was banned for a specific series of reasons.
Marc:And that event, those series of events became almost mythic in my mind.
Marc:And I wanted to recall them as some of the great, you know, like one of the great weekends of my, uh,
Marc:drinking and drugging career.
Marc:That was how I had it in my head.
Marc:If I was banned, it was for a good reason.
Marc:12 years.
Marc:I mean, I haven't drank or done drugs in over 12 years, so this happened, must have been 13 years ago.
Marc:So I have this series of memories of what was a great weekend in my mind, but as I recollect it, I'm not sure it was such a great weekend, but there was a message to it.
Marc:Here's how it went.
Marc:Wait for it.
Marc:Pow!
Marc:Look out.
Marc:I just shit my pants.
Marc:Just coffee.coop.
Marc:Available at WTFpod.com.
Marc:Get yourself the WTF blend.
Marc:And I get a few shekels on the back end there.
Marc:Anyways.
Marc:Louis Lee, the guy who owns the club, who I'm on good terms now and had a lovely time.
Marc:It is an amazing club.
Marc:And I'm not just kissing ass there.
Marc:I mean, that is a great club, Acme.
Marc:But he had a condo.
Marc:Now, this condo is where he put up comics.
Marc:And it was pretty nice for a comedy condo.
Marc:It had partitioned walls.
Marc:There were no separate rooms.
Marc:I'm not sure why that was.
Marc:I almost got the sense that I thought in my mind that Louis Lee had had videos set up in this condo, which he didn't.
Marc:And as I said before, the only reason he iced me was because I was a dick.
Marc:Had nothing to do with what I thought was one of the best weekends of my life.
Marc:Here's what happened.
Marc:At the time I did that gig, it was, I believe, a Tuesday through Saturday gig, maybe a Wednesday through Saturday, several days.
Marc:And at that time, I was doing cocaine a lot.
Marc:And I certainly like to do cocaine when I went on the road.
Marc:So I got to Minneapolis on the Tuesday, and I decided that cocaine had not got to Minneapolis yet.
Marc:It was not in Minneapolis, and this was what?
Marc:It would have been 1998 or somewhere in there.
Marc:And of course, cocaine had been well distributed throughout the world.
Marc:But in other words, I didn't know anyone to get cocaine from in Minneapolis.
Marc:Didn't know how to reach out.
Marc:So I got there and I was already angry because I wanted cocaine for my weekend in Minneapolis, for my week in Minneapolis.
Marc:So I only knew one way to get it.
Marc:And that was to get hold of my guy in Los Angeles.
Marc:I had a guy.
Marc:He wasn't a cocaine dealer, but he was a guy I did cocaine with in Los Angeles.
Marc:So he had a cocaine dealer.
Marc:And at that time, he was the guy that I was dealing with.
Marc:so his name was bob so i figured i'd call bob now a lot of you have maybe some of you have done drugs you know this guy there are guys you can get anything they can get the if you need something they can get it uh and they'll actually volunteer to get things that you may not need you know the kind of guy you could be out at a bar with a few people and this guy talking about something maybe something esoteric maybe something like revere silver you're discussing about you know maybe paul revere's uh
Marc:craftsmanship is a silversmith and this bob is the kind of guy that would say you guys what you like revere silver all right hang out i'm gonna make a call and then before you know it maybe three four hours later you're in a strange apartment or a hotel room and you're having tea out of a revere silver set with bob the guy who owns the apartment and some dude with teardrop tattoos who's missing a finger
Marc:And that guy makes you uncomfortable, but he's got to hang out because he brought the tea.
Marc:That's the kind of guy Bob was.
Marc:So I call Bob from Minneapolis and I say, Bob, I'm in Minneapolis.
Marc:I need you to FedEx me some blow.
Marc:And Bob says, no problem.
Guest:I'll get it out on the FedEx tomorrow.
Guest:Why don't you FedEx me the money?
Marc:So I go to a bank machine, take out $350 to get an overpriced eight ball.
Marc:And I FedEx that to Bob.
Marc:Now, the one thing you don't want to be doing in your life is FedExing money to a drug addict who's going to get your drugs from a drug dealer.
Marc:That's just a word of advice if you're still in that world, if you're still running that hustle.
Guest:So I FedEx Bob the money.
Guest:The next day he says, I got the money, man.
Guest:Listen, I got the eight ball.
Guest:I'm going to stick it in a videotape and I'm putting it in the FedEx today and it should be there tomorrow.
Marc:And I'm like, excellent.
Marc:I'm all set.
Marc:Thursday, this is going to happen.
Marc:I FedEx him on Tuesday.
Marc:He gets the money on Wednesday.
Marc:So Thursday for the weekend, I'm going to have my eight ball.
Marc:So Thursday, I go to the
Marc:club to see if my fedex came with my cocaine so you can imagine my aggravated anticipation of the eight ball and i walk into the club's office i say did anything come in the uh in the fedex for me was there fedex for me that was the tone did you get anything fedexed for me mark maron i'm the guy working here this was a someone working there not not the owner of the club i had someone i didn't know probably and they said no there's nothing for you mark i'm like fuck fuck
Marc:Never mind.
Marc:I'm good.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:OK.
Marc:And I leave and I call Bob back at the condo.
Marc:I say, Bob, where's my blow?
Marc:And Bob says, oh, man, you didn't get it.
Marc:I guess FedEx must have fucked up.
Marc:Let me find the tracking number.
Marc:And in my mind, he was giving me a real tracking number.
Guest:In reality, he was just sitting there looking at nothing, saying seven, eight, four, nine, seven, six, five, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Marc:So I write that down.
Marc:And the next day, I believe Bob because I'm an idiot.
Marc:Later that year, before I cleaned up, I remember giving Bob $500, specifically not to rip me off.
Marc:That's some sort of insurance policy.
Marc:The next day, which brings us, what, to Friday?
Marc:I go to the club to wait for the FedEx truck.
Marc:And the FedEx truck shows up.
Marc:So I see the guy and I say, dude, do you got a package from Marc Maron, Acme Comedy Club?
Marc:I'm waiting for a package.
Marc:It's got a videotape in it.
Marc:The guy looks at me and says, please get off the truck, sir.
Marc:sorry i get off the truck he says i have nothing for you and i'm like god damn it god damn it and i call bob and he goes i don't know what happened man they must have lost it or maybe the dogs got it now i gotta worry about me and i'm like oh right okay fine fine so this is turning out to be a shit trip the shows are going okay i quite honestly i don't remember the shows
Marc:Then later that afternoon, that Friday afternoon, my friend Charlie shows up.
Marc:I don't know what he was doing in Minneapolis.
Marc:Charlie's the kind of guy, maybe you got friends like this.
Marc:They just show up places and you're like, holy shit, Charlie, what are you doing here?
Marc:And they're like, hey man, what's going on?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I was just, then there's a story.
Marc:I met a guy who's got a sister who has this animal that I had to, all right, whatever.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Okay, well, it's good to see you.
Marc:He goes, yeah, man, can I hang out?
Marc:And I'm like, yeah, absolutely, dude.
Marc:It's good to see you.
Marc:I was waiting for some blow and the blow didn't come.
Marc:You know anywhere to get blow around here?
Marc:He's like, no, man, I have some friends here, but I haven't seen him since I was seven.
Marc:And all right, I get it.
Marc:so charlie's there and it's like all right well this is new blood we're gonna have a good time and it's uh you know 1 30 in the afternoon charlie says let's start drinking so we went out and bought some booze case of beer some jack daniels and whatnot and we're tying one on at 2 30 in the afternoon on the friday that night i got to do two shows and charlie's like
Marc:There's a lot of strip clubs around here.
Marc:We should go over and check out the strip club at 4.30 in the afternoon.
Marc:All right, 4.30 in the afternoon.
Marc:Fine.
Marc:I don't go to strip clubs, but there's one right down the street, Deja Vu, and I don't know what the hell was going on there.
Marc:But look, strip clubs are sad to me in general, but this was really sad.
Marc:Not because it was Minnesota, and I don't know what the stripper pool is like up there, and I'm not going to judge, but this was like an open mic night.
Marc:or open mic day.
Marc:This was like an amateur stripper show.
Marc:And there was like 10 women who, girls, who looked like they'd been cajoled by their boyfriends or maybe sadly, you know, forced by their boyfriends to strip.
Marc:They all looked frightened and the dances were awkward and they were not used to taking off their clothes.
Marc:It was terrifying.
Marc:They looked truly scared and broken.
Marc:And that's, you know, as a professional tripper, you learn how to stuff that stuff and hide it.
Marc:put some makeup on that and that was that was that afternoon so that was not a good afternoon and that night I did the shows and I'm going to be candid with you people that night I was aggravated didn't get blow I was saddened by the stripper show and that night after the two shows I slept with the largest woman I'd ever slept with in my life and I'm not proud of that and I'm not saying this to insult her and I'm not going to mention names because frankly I don't remember her name
Marc:But it was a challenge.
Marc:You know, it was not a sexual thing.
Marc:It was more of an astronaut thing.
Marc:It was like, you know, we can put men on this.
Marc:We can put men on the moon.
Marc:We I can do this.
Marc:That was my that's how I entered this.
Marc:I hate me.
Marc:I'm aggravated.
Marc:This trip is not working out well.
Marc:I'm going to I'm going to have sex with this person.
Marc:And I was about to do it.
Marc:I was in the bedroom.
Marc:It must have been 2 in the morning, 1.30 in the morning after the show.
Marc:Obviously, I was drunk, but it was going to happen.
Marc:And then right at that deciding moment where I'm looking at what's laid out before me and about to enter the situation, I said, do you have any condoms?
Marc:She said, no, don't you?
Marc:And I'm like, no, I don't.
Marc:And then because there were no walls, just partitions in this condo, I hear Charlie go, I got one, man.
Marc:So he'd been listening.
Marc:And he literally walks into the room with the condom as I'm about to do this.
Marc:And he goes, hey, you sure you want this?
Marc:And I'm like, just give it to me and get out, please.
Marc:So I do that.
Marc:I made it.
Marc:I landed on the moon.
Marc:And she left.
Marc:That was the best thing that happened that night.
Marc:And I'm not trying to be rude or sexist or in any way hostile.
Marc:It was better for everybody.
Marc:It was really a space issue.
Marc:So the next day, obviously horrendous.
Marc:Now, no Coke.
Marc:I put myself through a lot.
Marc:It was just, we were hungover.
Marc:It was awful.
Marc:We're laying around the condo.
Marc:We're watching a Western on television.
Marc:And I'm just fucking hating everything about me and anyone involved with that.
Marc:We're just sitting there watching this, drinking beers.
Marc:And I said to Charlie, I said, you know, man, fuck.
Fuck.
Marc:What would Keith Richards do right now?
Marc:And Charlie said, yeah, well, he wouldn't be us.
Marc:And I'm like, yeah, that's true.
Marc:You know, Charlie's one of those guys.
Marc:I don't know if you have friends like that.
Marc:Like, if you ever talk about Charlie, if I ever talk about Charlie, or maybe you have a friend like this, the conversation is always like, you know, whatever.
Marc:I wonder what happened to Charlie.
Marc:I haven't seen him in a while.
Marc:I actually saw him in Nashville not long ago, but long enough ago.
Marc:So we're sitting there watching this Western.
Marc:Obviously not Keith Richards.
Marc:We are not Keith Richards.
Marc:And then a few minutes goes by, and I remember saying this because I remember I thought there was poetry to it.
Marc:We're both just watching a Western, half detached.
Marc:And I said, you know what, man?
Marc:We're not cowboys.
Marc:I just sat there, and I was like, it meant a lot to me to know that at that moment that I was not a cowboy.
Marc:So we drank some more that day and then I had two shows that night and I went and did the two shows.
Marc:Charlie and I, we invited some of the waitresses to the condo like that was going to fucking happen.
Marc:We go back to the condo and we're just wasted out.
Marc:Long weekend, a lot of drinking, a lot of disappointment.
Marc:A lot of things happen that shouldn't happen.
Marc:We're about to crash, and it's like 2 in the morning, and the doorbell rings on the condo, and there are these two beautiful women there.
Marc:One's wearing some sort of costume wig.
Marc:They were at a party, and they were drunk, and they were like, hey, what's up?
Marc:I'm like, hey, what's up?
Marc:And they came in, and we were drinking and laughing, and shirts were off, and it was almost like a...
Marc:70s movie yeah there was no sex but you know there seemed to be some nudity and some playing and it was all very jovial and it was just very fun it was so it was almost innocent in in the view it was like one of those perfect drunks man you know when you're just with people maybe a couple guys couple girls but it doesn't get too weird doesn't get too nasty it doesn't get frightening but you know it's fun and it's naked and it's good
Marc:And we did that till like four in the morning and they left.
Marc:And it was a nice end to what was turning into a very bleak weekend.
Marc:And the next day I had a rented car and Charlie's like, can you give me a ride to this place and the thing?
Marc:And I'm like, okay.
Marc:And I literally drove Charlie to where he told me to drive him and it was just to a neighborhood.
Marc:It was just to a street, not to a structure.
Marc:He goes, this is good.
Marc:And I let him out.
Marc:And it's just a neighborhood.
Marc:And he just gets out and he starts walking down the street.
Marc:He's got everything he owns.
Marc:You know, he's wearing everything he's traveling with.
Marc:And he's now carrying a half a case of beer and a bottle of Jack Daniels that was left over.
Marc:And I'm like, you know where you're going?
Marc:He's like, yeah, I got some family and a thing.
Marc:And I'm like, all right.
Marc:And I'm just watching Charlie walk down the middle of this street with this half a bottle of bourbon and half a case of beer.
Marc:And he turns around and he looks at me and he says...
Guest:We are cowboys.
Marc:And he just keeps walking.
Marc:And I drove the car to the airport.
Marc:I wonder where Charlie's at, man.
Marc:What's the matter, Mary Mack?
Marc:What, the reeds?
Marc:Do you have to suck on that reed?
Marc:Mary Mack is in my garage, and she's holding a mandolin, a clarinet, and sucking on a reed.
Guest:Hello, Mark.
Marc:Hi.
Guest:Did we... Is this started?
Marc:Sure.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:I'm going to check this reed out and see if this is okay, because it's a softer reed, so maybe you got a lot of stuff to help me out with it in here.
Guest:¶¶
Marc:Wow, that sounds really good.
Marc:I like fucking around with a lot of different mics.
Marc:I mean, I don't know if it means anything, but I think it sounds better.
Marc:That mic there that you're going to play your mandolin into?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I don't run a studio.
Guest:I'm sure we could just... It looks like a studio.
Marc:I mean, I think we could probably just do it with... With, you know, the mics that we use for our mouth.
Marc:But these are pretty specific, focused... Ooh.
Guest:What's that?
Guest:How old are those strings on that guitar?
Marc:Why?
Guest:I can't slip it.
Marc:Are they?
Marc:I think they're good.
Guest:You've got a stinker.
Guest:You've got a stinker in there.
Marc:I do.
Guest:Yeah, but wait until you hear me.
Guest:I have lots of stinkers.
Guest:This, everything you see me doing is how long this happens in my brain is the messy, just like how I just did this.
Guest:It's that messy.
Marc:It's that messy in your brain all the time?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:It's horrible.
Ugh.
Marc:There's a lot of stuff going on.
Marc:When I saw you, honestly, I only had experience with you once when we worked at the mall.
Guest:No, you were the only one who was nice to me at the Vancouver Comedy Festival about six years or so, seven years ago.
Marc:Oh, yeah, I saw you there, too.
Guest:You were very nice, and I was like, that Marc Maron, he is a nice fellow.
Marc:Well, thank God I made that kind of impression.
Marc:Not everybody has that impression of me.
Guest:There's a lot of people there who didn't make that impression.
Marc:On you?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Well, you're a special person.
Yeah.
Marc:And that means that people are not... What?
Guest:I don't mean that.
Guest:I have to suck on another clarinet read.
Guest:I apologize.
Marc:So how long have you been playing clarinet?
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:So long.
Guest:My first degree was in clarinet.
Guest:And... Wait, this one.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So my first degree was clarinet, but I started, you know, when I was fifth grade, so I don't want to give away my age, but... Let me figure out that math.
Marc:You went to school for music?
Guest:25 years, but it doesn't sound like it because I gave it up for a long time, and then I just popped back into it.
Marc:But was the dream music?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I conducted youth orchestra.
Guest:Really?
Guest:That's what I thought I wanted to do because my master's is in conducting.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah, it's a master of fine arts in conducting.
Guest:And I was conducting youth orchestra, and I was like, oh, God.
Guest:These kids are great, but their parents and the city board and everything else sucks.
Guest:And I taught music.
Guest:And then at the same time at night, I had a polka band.
Guest:And then I was coming in to teach in the morning at like 7 a.m.
Guest:And I'd be like, kids, watch this video.
Guest:Because I was so tired from polka and being out until 2 a.m.
Guest:You don't need that kind of information, do you?
Marc:No, I love that kind of information.
Guest:Oh, you do?
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:So you were exhausted by overextending yourself with youth orchestra and polka playing.
Guest:Yeah, and so then I was like, I'll quit teaching and then I'll just do performing.
Guest:In the polka band?
Guest:Yeah, I thought, oh, yeah, I'll just go full-time polka band.
Marc:Full-time polka band.
Guest:That's a horrible plan.
Guest:It's a horrible life?
Guest:It's a horrible plan, so compared to that.
Marc:I don't even know what polka, like what chords are polka?
Guest:Oh, here.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, you're doing it.
Guest:Okay, so try this.
Guest:B flat.
Guest:I can play a thing in B flat.
Guest:And then F, and I'll try to look at you when to change.
Okay.
Guest:But do you want to try to just play B flat and then... And then to F?
Guest:And I'm kind of guessing on some of these notes it sounds not so good.
Guest:Yeah, let's just try a little bit and then you'll be like, oh, I can play a polka.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Then, so, then two, three.
Guest:So right there, try switching to F. Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, we're already doing it.
Guest:We can get a gig tonight.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:All right.
Guest:One, two, three...
Guest:I'm trying.
Guest:Wait, let's do it again.
Guest:Okay, cancel that part out of this podcast.
Guest:So, hey, will you do this jump?
Guest:You give a chord, chord, chord, and then I go da-da, and then we go one.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:We're going to get a gig somewhere.
Guest:There's going to be a guest house in L.A.
Marc:here.
Marc:Okay, good.
Marc:So I'm glad we got that.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Marc:It's a thrill to see you.
Guest:Oh, man, it's a thrill to see you.
Guest:It's just nice to be here.
Guest:It feels like you're not even in L.A.
Guest:in this part of this.
Marc:I know.
Marc:Some people who have lived here for years, they come out here and they're like, where the fuck am I?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And I say, well, you're in the real people land.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I met a lady from not too far from here on the super shuttle one time, and she told me I could live with her.
Guest:So I might be your neighbor at some point.
Marc:How did that go exactly?
Marc:I mean, what kind of person does that?
Marc:Hey, you seem okay.
Marc:Come on in and live with me.
Marc:Did you hit it off?
Marc:Was it weird?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You're on a super shuttle.
Guest:Oh, whoops.
Marc:What's that?
Guest:That was your mandolin?
Guest:My watch got stuck on there.
Guest:Yeah, super shuttle.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:We just got talking, and she was with her granddaughter.
Guest:And then as soon as people find out you live in Minnesota, there's like an automatic trust there.
Guest:And they're like, oh, this is a sucker.
Guest:And so...
Guest:So it was like, she gave me her card, and she's like a nurse or whatever, and her granddaughter was very nice, and they were on their way to Texas, so they're not from here either.
Guest:So right away, there's some sort of bond you form with these people.
Guest:And then she just gave me her card, and I was like, well, I'll save this, because I was wintering in Echo Park.
Marc:You were.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Very popular place to winter, Echo Park.
Yeah.
Marc:As a matter of fact, it's always winter in Echo Park, though it's sunny, but it's still, there's some sort of darkness.
Guest:There's a dismalness about it.
Guest:Yeah, but then that place went away, and then I was like, well, if I need to be out here any more, then I can use this lady's room, I guess.
Marc:Yeah, well, you give her a call.
Marc:Maybe we'll go over there after.
Marc:So what, like, for some reason when I first saw you and when I first had the, when I experienced the full Mary Mack effect.
Guest:Oh, no.
Marc:That was at the Mall of America.
Guest:Oh, yeah, you invited me to do a guest spot.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:Thank you so much.
Marc:And you turned a room full of mall-going comedy people into a group of singing children.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Marc:And I thought that was terrific.
Marc:There was a vulnerability to it.
Marc:There was an openness to it.
Marc:Initially, you get on stage and people are like, what the hell is she going to do with the thing?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And sometimes there's many things on stage.
Guest:Sometimes if I can park close, I bring even more crap up there.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:with me well where do you come from so for some reason i've got this mythology i created in my head that you come from a a a simple upbringing with uh you know snow and animals yeah i do i do we had um chickens and ducks and we had a goat and uh animals in a garden and lived on the dirt roads and uh a couple hours north of the twin cities in northern wisconsin
Guest:And my folks are from the Duluth, Minnesota area.
Guest:And then they tried living in the Twin Cities and it was just, they just needed the wood.
Guest:So then they moved.
Guest:I'm trying not to, do you want me to do bits?
Guest:Because I'm trying to steer clear of my bits about it.
Guest:however you converse about it is fine i won't know whether they're bits but i mean sorry are they what do you call them hill people mark that's funny you won't you said you won't know their bits and i find that's true most of the time even like up until i've been on stage for 44 minutes and then people are like oh maybe this is a comedy show
Marc:No, I meant that, like, I wasn't saying that they wouldn't be funny.
Marc:I don't know all your jokes.
Marc:I didn't go through the Mary Mack files to call you out on your jokes and say, like, that's a bit.
Guest:Okay, okay, good.
Guest:No, no, they went up then and they were like, you know...
Guest:I grew up digging the new outhouse hole every year.
Guest:So that was our spare bathroom.
Guest:We had an outhouse outside.
Marc:That's a once a year thing, digging an outhouse hole?
Guest:Well, we had a lot of family members.
Marc:No, but I mean, I thought that would be a little more frequent.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:No, because we also had the indoor bathroom.
Guest:But some of my friends did not have indoor bathrooms.
Marc:So the outdoor bathroom was sort of like an emergency, too many people in the house situation?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yup, yup.
Guest:And then I guess we were pretty well off because we had two outhouses.
Marc:That you dug yourself?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Who else is going to dig them?
Marc:What does that take to dig an outhouse hole?
Marc:How deep?
Guest:Well, first you have like six kids.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then you get them each shovels.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then the kids who are like 16 and up get the beer.
Guest:And then the other younger ones just kind of run around.
Marc:How many kids in your family?
Guest:Six kids.
Guest:But I actually don't really talk to, what do you call it?
Guest:We don't really talk to each other that much anymore.
Guest:But my one sister and I talked to each other.
Guest:So actually, I was living out here in an apartment out here for like two and a half years.
Guest:In Los Angeles?
Guest:Five years ago.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was only out here for like three months of it because I was really on the road quite a bit at that time before people stopped working me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And, oh, did that come out?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so I saw a shooting outside my window in Los Angeles.
Guest:And man, I was like, oh, maybe it's time for a craft project.
Guest:And then I heard like, what, what?
Guest:Pow, pow.
Guest:And I went out and there was kids shooting at other kids.
Guest:And then I called the 911 and then the police came.
Guest:And then I went outside to help the police.
Guest:And I was like, how come nobody else is out here helping the police?
Guest:And I realized, oh, because they live here.
Guest:The gang people can see you.
Guest:And then it was frightening to come home after comedy at 2 a.m.
Guest:Then I was like, I got to get out here.
Guest:And then I tried to live here.
Marc:So you got frightened for your life because you were a police helper.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I tried to live in my sister's bait shop in northern Wisconsin after that.
Guest:And she wouldn't turn off the customer buzzer, which starts at, you know, 6 a.m.
Marc:Because it's a bait shop.
Guest:Yeah, even I tried to stay in the apartment attached to it whenever.
Marc:So you went from Echo Park to shooting, from shooting to a buzzer for people needing worms.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And then I got a house in Minneapolis, and then I do my wintering here, like I said.
Marc:So wait, now, okay, a bait shop.
Marc:Your sister owns a bait shop.
Guest:Yep.
Marc:What does that entail?
Guest:Well, she won't hire me, so I can only tell you from... You've tried to get a job there.
Guest:Yep.
Marc:What was the issue?
Guest:She won't let me work the cash register.
Marc:Why?
Guest:She doesn't trust me, and so I'm not with money.
Marc:Just to ring it up right?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:What does she sell there, though, primarily?
Marc:What's the big bait?
Guest:Well, people like crappie minnows.
Guest:It's a nice little minnow.
Guest:And leeches and the night crawlers are pretty good.
Guest:But if you work the cash register, after I asked, I was glad that I didn't work the cash register because you've got to count the waxies, which are little maggot worms that fishermen enjoy using for ice fishing because you can just keep them in your fridge and they're real easy.
Guest:But you've got to count those out.
Guest:you gotta count the waxies yeah you get them in a bulk shipment and then you gotta count out the waxies for the for the to portion containers yeah you have to portion the waxies yeah and you have a problem with waxies or just yeah i don't like waxies because they look like magnets or magnets maggots and uh i saw the last boys one time in high school and then i threw up when i saw that part where the rice was actually maggots yeah and then i was like oh i can't do this
Marc:So the waxies were, that's your obstacle to really being an effective bait salesman.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I'm sorry that that didn't work out for you.
Guest:Yeah, I know.
Marc:Have you gone ice fishing before?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:We used to go all the time.
Guest:We'd make fires out on the lake, out on the ice.
Guest:But the ice is like two feet thick.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:So it's okay.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And we'd make fires.
Marc:And you'd catch fish?
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Mostly you're just drinking and cooking.
Guest:Did you set up one of those little houses?
Guest:Yeah, we just left our house out there because I grew up on a lake.
Guest:And you just leave it out there and then hopefully you can get it in before it gets too slushy.
Marc:What kind of business was your family in?
Marc:I mean, what were you doing out there?
Marc:Were you making your own clothes?
Marc:How deep is this?
Marc:You were?
Guest:Well, my mom does.
Guest:She does?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But...
Marc:Was it a religious thing or just a rural thing?
Guest:They just don't like people.
Guest:There's nothing about comedy on this podcast.
Guest:I'm so sorry.
Marc:No, it'll all come together.
Guest:That's what I'm hoping.
Guest:So it...
Guest:It was just that they didn't like the people.
Guest:And my dad was thinking about going back into farming because he grew up dairy farming.
Guest:But my dad had to work in the city because there wasn't any work there.
Guest:So he was a mechanic.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:And he had to go stay with his sister during the week in Minneapolis.
Guest:And then he'd come back on the weekends.
Marc:I get it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So you'd all be up there all 60s with your mom making food?
Marc:Did you pickle things?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You did?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And you jarred things?
Guest:Yeah, we jarred things, canned things, and we picked blackberries and raspberries, and I can make, like, freezer jam just real fast.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And, you know, grew cukes and then made the refrigerator pickles, and then my mom started bartending eventually.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And instead of money, people would tip her, like, pickled northern pike, pickled northern pike.
Marc:You did fish pickling, too?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, we smoked our own fish.
Marc:You smoked your own fish?
Marc:You had a smokehouse?
Guest:Yeah, we had a smoker.
Guest:A smoker.
Guest:My dad invented, like, a special smoker, standalone smoker, and then we go down and we catch suckers out of the river, and then we take them home and we smoke them.
Guest:And then one of my sisters had an apple tree fall down in our yard, and we were, like, the luckiest people in the world because we were like, oh, my God, we're going to smoke these on Applewood.
Guest:It's still one of the biggest events of my life.
Marc:Was that tree falling down?
Guest:Yeah, that's my growing up.
Guest:And then so you can see it takes quite a while to paint a picture if you're doing a show at the improv or something like that.
Marc:But like, so when you were growing up, though, was everybody in your community like you or were you like Carrie?
Guest:No, everybody.
Marc:You weren't the girl that showed up with the handmade dress and was awkward, were you?
Guest:No, I didn't know I was awkward.
Guest:I really did.
Guest:I just had a bubble, a social bubble until I was about 23 and didn't really know what was going on around me.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:What fashion was.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, and even, it's good to grow up like that.
Marc:No, I think it's fascinating myself because, you know, you were probably, you know, very it seems all seems very practical to me.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:To sort of live off the world around you without him being isolated from consumer culture and from from pop culture to a certain degree.
Marc:And to sort of have these events where you spend time, you know, counting.
Marc:What are those worms called again?
Guest:Waxies.
Marc:Counting waxies or making jam.
Guest:Yeah, we made jam.
Marc:Did you butcher your own pigs and stuff?
Guest:We had to kill one rooster because he was so mean.
Guest:He kept attacking us.
Guest:And roosters are real, you know, this urban chicken thing that's going on right now.
Guest:It's kind of gross because chickens are disgusting.
Guest:But we had one rooster that just...
Guest:would chase you and attack you.
Guest:You know, they come at you with their talons.
Guest:And my mom kept a two-by-four in the backseat of the car because he would stalk you and come underneath the car door and run into your car and start scratching you and biting you in there.
Guest:This is real sad.
Guest:It sounds like I watched part of that West Virginia, the Dancing Outlaw.
Marc:Have you ever seen that?
Marc:No, I don't know what that is.
Guest:Yeah, it's about kind of like these backwoods West Virginia people.
Marc:Oh, no, I saw that.
Marc:The blacks.
Marc:The whites.
Guest:The whites.
Marc:Yeah, I saw that.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, and that's the redoing of that first one from 20 years later, I guess.
Marc:Yeah, I saw that one.
Marc:The redoing one.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And so that bothers you?
Marc:Could you relate to that?
Guest:I could really relate to it.
Guest:I could because it's a different culture to where I'm from because half of our school was from the reservation and then the rest was just poor white kids.
Guest:We had free fluoride rinse every Wednesday in school and we had free shots and they'd give us all kinds of shots.
Marc:So you went to school with a lot of American Indians?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And did you... See, because I don't... Like, I've never talked to anybody about that.
Marc:I mean, I read a book about it years ago by Ian Frazier called On the Res.
Marc:But I don't think I have any sense of what that reality is like.
Guest:Well, I definitely think it was a little bit better for the reservation folks there than it was maybe like... Which reservation was it?
Guest:Chippewa.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:Chippewa, Chippewa.
Marc:Did you have friends who were...
Guest:Yeah, and they would get to get out of school every Friday to go to the powwow.
Guest:So when I was in kindergarten, I caught on and I started lining up with the Native American kids to go to the powwow.
Guest:And they wouldn't let me go.
Guest:They wouldn't?
Guest:No, but now the kids are encouraged to go to the powwow in the school that I was in.
Guest:and i mean that would have been fantastic because when when you're little and then there's other little girls that have moccasins and beads and fringes and all this great yeah it's like did you get to go at all have you gone um i have been and then i worked at a
Guest:maybe not nice to say, but I've worked in a correctional facility school.
Guest:I subbed in one in the summers, and then some of the girls were from the area, so they would come and demonstrate some dances, and yeah, it's pretty cool.
Marc:So you consider your family poor?
Guest:Yeah, poor, maybe.
Guest:But, you know, my dad, he's not here anymore, but he had his retirement, and they took everything and put it into building a bar.
Guest:And they built a bar.
Guest:It was supposed to be a fix-it garage, an auto shop.
Guest:But then my dad had a heart attack, and he couldn't do that anymore.
Guest:And so they built a bar, and so my sister and my mom...
Guest:run the bar and then they sold their part to my sister who i don't really think when they say sold yeah i don't know if that really means that money had exchanged you just signed a paper i don't think there was a paper signed i i just think they just were like uh okay you can have it now and does she still have it
Guest:Mm-hmm, yeah.
Marc:Does it okay?
Guest:Yeah, it does okay, especially when the Packers are on or the Vikes.
Marc:It's a local bar?
Marc:Is it the local bar?
Guest:Yeah, it is.
Guest:I mean, this intersection is called A&H Wisconsin, and it's where County Road A and County Road H intersect.
Guest:And there's a bait shop, which my sister has kind of gotten a monopoly over there now because she's got the bait shop and the bar there.
Guest:Really?
Guest:So, yeah, she's doing pretty good for being, you know, a single mom.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Marc:Selling those, what are they called again?
Guest:The Waxies!
Guest:Waxies!
Guest:Man, yes.
Marc:Counting the Waxies.
Marc:That should be the name of your next CDs.
Guest:Counting the Waxies would be good.
Guest:I will not count the Waxies.
I won't.
Guest:I shan't count your waxies.
Guest:But no, it's an intersection with the bar and there's a little morning time cafe and then the bait and then the volunteer fire department, a taxidermy place.
Guest:And we have a bank and it's in...
Guest:mobile home.
Guest:It's in a trailer.
Guest:Come on.
Guest:And now it's a serious and they use the drive-thru.
Guest:They use the bay window.
Guest:You ever see that on a trailer?
Guest:They use that as the drive-thru.
Marc:That's unbelievable.
Marc:And you know everybody in town, right?
Guest:Yeah, you do.
Guest:And they know me because of
Guest:You know, I'd go on the radio in Minneapolis, and that's where they were getting the signals.
Marc:Now, so was music sort of a ticket out for you, or did you think of it as, you know, what drove you to music initially?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I was just always so angry.
Guest:About?
Guest:Growing up, I just felt like I was always the underdog in my family.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I was like, he's had a list behind my door, you know, since I was probably like nine.
Guest:Behind my door, I had a list on the wall.
Guest:And I'd write down names of my, it was only my family members.
Guest:Like a hit list?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That wasn't going to do them harm, but I wanted to remind myself how angry I was.
Marc:What were the reasons on that list?
Guest:Well.
Marc:Made me gut the fish.
Marc:It was her turn.
Guest:It was always usually my younger brother on there.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And toward the end of, I kept the list into high school.
Guest:And one of the latest entries onto the list was that I put my brother's name down because he stole the engine out of my car.
Guest:And like I went to this is true.
Guest:I went to band camp in Green Bay and I came home and my wagon that the neighbors had gave me.
Guest:was all jacked up, and then he and my brother-in-law at the time were hoisting the engine out of the... The wagon.
Guest:The wagon.
Guest:And they must have been like, well, she's been gone four days, so she's probably not going to need this anymore.
Guest:And so then I was like...
Guest:How am I going to get the jazz band?
Guest:And so I tried to get my mom to help, but she had her own troubles, and my dad was gone so much.
Guest:So nobody did anything.
Guest:But any time I'd get mad, I would just stay in my room and play clarinet.
Guest:And I was always playing the wrong way, and I'd play until my lips were bleeding.
Guest:And then eventually I got pretty good at it, and I got a little bit of money.
Guest:from it to go to college and I was like, well, I guess I'll just do this because I really enjoy it.
Marc:You got money from clarinet?
Guest:Just a little bit.
Guest:I got just small.
Guest:But at the time when I went to college, there was still the caps on tuition and so it was very affordable.
Guest:State school?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was really affordable and
Marc:So you bloodied your lips with anger on your clarinet and you got your ticket out to college.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I, um, I spent, I just been starting to talk about it on stage about, um, what I fantasized when I was little in my room, I would play makeup medleys.
Guest:I had these song books from the fifties from my mom because she, I was using her clarinet.
Guest:And I would create these medleys and fantasize that I was playing in front of an audience.
Guest:And it was always in like a smoky lounge in my fantasy.
Guest:And like I would always be sitting at a grand piano, but I wasn't playing the piano.
Guest:I just sit at a grand piano and I'd play my clarinet.
Yeah.
Guest:And then I just remembered this.
Guest:It was like a Vegas-style lounge, so I must have seen it on TV or something.
Guest:And the people were really enjoying it.
Guest:And it was, come to think of it now, like thinking about it now is really reflective of how I was feeling at the time because there was no backup.
Guest:There was no band.
Guest:They were just enjoying me playing my clarinet.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:In no other music.
Guest:With no support.
Guest:Yeah, I don't know.
Guest:Somehow I always worked somewhere over the rainbow.
Marc:Into it.
Guest:Into the medley.
Marc:Was that a high point?
Marc:Was that where people would start tearing up a little bit?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:It was always Bing Crosby books.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I'd just sit in there for four or five hours and play and make up these little scenarios in my head.
Marc:So you were sort of a band nerd?
Guest:Oh, yeah, for sure.
Guest:Band nerd.
Guest:But we didn't have it to the extent, you know, like we didn't have a real marching band or anything like that.
Marc:Northern Wisconsin.
Guest:No, no marching band.
Guest:Because it was so cold.
Guest:And it was horrible.
Guest:I remember we did march once a year at the homecoming football game.
Guest:And it was horrible because I was wearing these little canvas shoes in the ground.
Guest:It's like 30 degrees and you're just, it's so miserable.
Guest:And our band director...
Guest:even we would go this is one of our big moves we'd go out there you know how usually bands march into a pattern and do it while they're playing music so we'd stand in a line or whatever and play a song toward the uh audience the um football stands yeah their grants well if you yeah and bundled people yeah yes and then instead of marching into a new position what would happen somebody blow a whistle and the drummer would just go ticka ticka ticka ticka
Guest:on the on the rim like that and um and then we would all just run around to a mark and form a new shape and then we just play another song and it was there wasn't was it even a full band band director well we had to a lot of times we had to incorporate the junior high into the high school fill it out yes we did
Guest:And then the instruments that were less necessary, like the flutes and stuff, they would, no offense of flutes, flautists, but then those gals got to hold the flags because the flag would look like two people, you know, because they have a lot of space on the field.
Guest:So those ladies would hold the flags and do the twirling and...
Guest:and everybody was so jealous of them because they they could it just seems like yeah they just seemed like they were warmer and and yeah that's a pretty uh it's a pretty rough musical upbringing yeah it's horrible i've gradually just got those um gloves we'll do get those stretchy gloves and then cut the tips off of them right right
Marc:Okay, so you went undergrad for music, and then you got a graduate degree in conducting.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And then you started conducting youth orchestra.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And you burnt out, you hit a wall, just too many sour notes, you were not as loving as you could be, or what?
Guest:No, I mean, it was fine, but I just, I really liked performing.
Guest:Like, that fantasy from when I was in fifth grade went all the way up, I guess, till now, because I'm now almost to the point of just, like, to hell with the comedy clubs, and I've just been arranging my own shows, and just, you know, doing my own PR, and I spend so much time
Guest:booking solo shows.
Guest:And this is just like being a musician.
Guest:That's how musicians start.
Marc:You just book your own show somewhere and promote it.
Marc:So do you consider yourself a musician over a comedian?
Marc:Or do you just consider yourself a comedic performer?
Marc:Or what do you consider?
Marc:Are you a comedian?
Guest:I consider myself a folk humorist.
Marc:A folk humorist?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Do you play dulcimer?
Guest:No.
Guest:no i don't i know a guy with a dulcimer collection yeah yeah and then that's an easy instrument to pick up because it's got that drone string yeah you know and it's a slide thing right can you slide it isn't there a like a another part you don't just pluck the strings here's a drone string but isn't it played with a slide or do you yeah you can set it up on a little table right like yeah so how much what do you bring on stage with you generally what's up there oh
Guest:Um, clarinet sometimes.
Guest:It depends on if I'm flying or not.
Guest:And, um, mandolin.
Guest:Sometimes I talk for the hour and I don't even get to it.
Guest:Depends on what's going on in the crowd or what I feel like doing.
Marc:Have you had some experiences where the crowd was mean to you?
Guest:Not too many.
Guest:Most of them, they usually feel bad for me.
Guest:And then, you know what I mean?
Guest:No, I've had a few in my life where the crowd is crappy.
Guest:Oh, I had one crowd one time in...
Guest:This was a long time ago, Lafayette, Indiana.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And this young man from this real respectable college called Purdue.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Sat in the front row and just kept belching the whole time as loudly as possible throughout my set.
Guest:I was like, well, I'm not enjoying this anyway.
Guest:And I was like, called attention to his belching because they were already noticing it.
Guest:And so I was like, well, you might as well shit yourself while you're at it.
Guest:And I offered him like five bucks to shit himself.
Guest:And then I got the whole crowd chanting, shit yourself, shit yourself.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Did he do it?
Guest:Nah, he's too drunk.
Marc:I thought so.
Guest:And then I was like, but that was the highlight of that show.
Marc:You like getting crowds to do things together.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest:You know, the crowds, I think they surprise themselves.
Marc:I thought that was the greatest experience about like watching you work was that, you know, when you go into a nightclub or you go into a comedy club, there's a weird expectation to it.
Marc:Usually the crowd's a little drunk.
Marc:They're, you know, they're kind of defensive in a way.
Marc:They're sort of like, come on, let's get to the jokes.
Marc:And then, you know, you got up there and somehow or another, you know, once they got past the awkwardness of themselves.
Marc:Of themselves.
Marc:I mean, when you're up there, you're sort of like this fairly angelic, vulnerable presence, and you're asking them to sing along with a song.
Marc:There's a moment where you're like, they're not going to do that.
Marc:And then they do.
Marc:And it's like, oh, my God, you almost made me cry.
Marc:I think I cried a little.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:Well, it's two things happening.
Guest:Happy cries.
Guest:Good, good.
Guest:Two things happening there is, A, they know I'm not going to leave until they sing, because they still have the teacher eye.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:You know?
Marc:And then... They still have what, a teacher?
Guest:I still have that teacher eye.
Guest:Oh, you do, yeah?
Guest:I can pull out.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And then...
Guest:Also, they hear how bad I am.
Guest:This is true.
Guest:I'm not a great... But I'm not a good singer.
Guest:And then they're not as afraid to sing because I'm just singing to tell a story or do something ridiculous.
Guest:One of my heroes is Randy Newman.
Marc:He's the greatest.
Guest:Yeah, he's such a... He's the best... Would you say he's the best satirist?
Guest:Is that how you say that?
Marc:He's so fantastic.
Marc:He does a couple of things.
Marc:I mean, it's weird.
Marc:It's satire, but it's...
Guest:People don't understand it.
Marc:Well, it depends which album.
Marc:I mean, Rednecks is definitely... Rednecks.
Marc:He's definitely taking a shot.
Guest:Yeah, that's fantastic.
Guest:I love that song.
Marc:But then you get songs like Guilty, which are just so fucking beautiful.
Guest:Isn't that great?
Marc:Oh, no.
Guest:It gives you chills.
Guest:It's so good.
Marc:The first four or five albums of his, Sail Away, Rednecks, I love them.
Guest:Yeah, he's a hero of mine.
Guest:He's a hero, and so is Mark Twain.
Guest:Those are my two heroes.
Marc:Well, what songs do you want to do a song?
Guest:Oh, sorry about that.
Guest:Well, I had seen your set at the mall, and I haven't done this song for years, but I thought maybe you could relate to this song.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I'll just do like the, I don't even remember how really how it goes, but I'll just do a verse in the chorus.
Yeah.
Guest:And if I screw up, I screw up.
Guest:Have you ever got stuck behind a rotten milk truck whose cargo is curdling fast, so fast?
Guest:Well, you could hold your breath.
Guest:until you catch your death or you could floor it and try hard to pass just pass so i'll go right to the chorus and i'll go oh do i match it yes i do i'm in an expired chocolate chip ice cream relationship and our love is curdling too
Guest:I must be lactose intolerant.
Guest:Can't take any more of this.
Guest:My ice cream headache's just you.
Guest:So I thought that's a good theme for your set that I saw.
Guest:Maybe you're right.
Guest:I don't know your current situation, but that's reminded me of you.
Marc:Yeah, maybe I was still in the thick of it then.
Marc:I can't remember.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So where does that song come from?
Guest:Well, I was driving.
Marc:Did you ride it?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, oh, God.
Guest:Go ahead.
Guest:Well, I had this boyfriend, and then he moved to Africa.
Guest:Mm-hmm.
Guest:And then I went to visit him in Africa.
Marc:Where in Africa?
Guest:Ghana.
Marc:You went to Ghana to visit a man?
Marc:Oh.
Marc:What?
Guest:And at the time I wasn't sick of traveling yet because it was before comedy.
Marc:What did he do?
Marc:What was in Ghana?
Guest:Peace Corps.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:You know it's already bad.
Guest:And so then I went to visit him and then the first day I was there he broke up with me.
Guest:And then I had to just stay in Africa for like a week or longer just pretending like I meant to just go to Africa.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You wouldn't even hang out with you?
Guest:No, we hung out because I was not prepared to travel by myself.
Marc:In Africa.
Guest:Yeah, I didn't know the language.
Guest:I had braces at the time and the kids cried.
Guest:They cried?
Guest:Because they'd never seen braces before because I was up in no man's land.
Marc:So they looked at your mouth and cried?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Half of them never saw a white person.
Marc:Was it fear?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yep.
Marc:They thought you were a monster.
Guest:Like I was a devil or a monster or whatever.
Marc:Wait a minute.
Marc:So you get there, your boyfriend breaks up with you, and you're wandering around.
Guest:And the kid's crying whenever they see me.
Marc:And they would cry in terror.
Marc:Yes.
Guest:I never thought of that.
Guest:It's even worse than I thought.
Guest:So then I went back, and I was living in Nashville at the time, because that's where I went to my second schooling in Nashville.
Guest:And then it was just a bad time.
Guest:And then I was driving one day to work and there was a milk truck in front of me.
Guest:And this is where really I got this line and the milk truck was leaking.
Guest:And it got milk all over my windshield.
Guest:And I was like, wow.
Guest:This is so many weird things that happened to me all the time.
Guest:And you wouldn't think they were related, but I just was writing about what had probably happened to me that month involved in all in one song.
Marc:Wow.
Guest:There was all kinds of things in Nashville.
Guest:There'd be cattle on the roads, on the freeways and stuff.
Marc:That's wild.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But Africa, huh?
Marc:So did you take anything good away from that experience?
Marc:Or was it just horrible?
No.
Guest:No, it was interesting.
Guest:It was a really good learning experience and good to see.
Marc:What's your favorite one to play of your songs?
Guest:Well, you want to do a sing-along?
Marc:But there's just two of us.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, right, right.
Marc:What are the chords?
Guest:Well, this one I don't do usually in the comedy clubs, but more like in any other space.
Marc:Well, I won't play along because I think the mandolin sounds good by itself.
Guest:Okay, and I'm not even using my pick because I don't know where it is.
Guest:You want this?
Guest:I'm going on fingernails.
Guest:Oh, I'll try it.
Guest:Oh, that was thick.
Guest:medium now it sounds like my fingernails because i i agree he's a little thin guy but um thank you um uh if i were vincent van gogh i would sell my ear on ebay oh it's the same chord as the last one ah do you ever do that where you get stuck you get stuck playing in the same yeah i've been doing that for 20 years
Guest:And then something happens in your brain subconsciously where you go right to a song in the same damn key.
Marc:Let me just mix it up.
Guest:Have you ever... Oh, God, see?
Guest:It's the same start.
Guest:I'm going to do a different song.
Guest:This is how paranoid I am.
Marc:Yeah, but no one's paying attention to that.
Marc:We just want to hear the song, Mary.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:If I were Vincent Van Gogh, I would sell my ear on eBay.
Guest:Then people who had never even seen Starry Night would bid on it nights and days.
Guest:This is where they usually sing.
Guest:A lot of sick people in the world There's a lot of sick people in the world There's a lot of sick people A lot of effed up people There's a lot of sick people in the world If I were
Guest:Jacques Cousteau I would eat a pet shark raw then people would start watching PBS cause they wouldn't believe what they saw and then there's a lot of dumb ba ba da ba da there's a lot of sick people in the world I didn't miss a beat there's a lot of sick people a lot of people there's a lot of sick people in the world
Guest:So thank you for singing that.
Guest:And there's some songs that I get uncomfortable to do because people take them the wrong way.
Guest:Like this is a song I wrote so ladies wouldn't be anorexic.
Guest:I was like, ooh, ooh.
Guest:I want to be a plus-sized model, the kind that can't run very far.
Guest:Because if I could only be a plus-sized model, I know I'd be a big, big star.
Guest:Please feed me.
Guest:Ah.
Guest:I want to carboload without having to exercise.
Guest:I don't want to worry if the fat goes to my thighs.
Guest:I want to wear a plus, plus size preserve of whom I want to eat chips and wash them down with beer.
Guest:I've got a plus size dream, but I'm plus sized ornery for the best job in the world goes to the bigger
Guest:girls than me they're all slots who want to be a plus size model the kind that can't oh my god
Guest:So they're just fun songs, and I feel there's a little bit of a Randy Newman-ness to them, only in that people often take them the wrong way.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He's just so good.
Guest:And I've seen him live about three times.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Three or four times.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:He's one of those guys that gets a little, like, as he's gotten older and because he's gotten so... He's done so many soundtracks that he's become sort of... Like some people make jokes about him as this guy who's sort of hackneyed because he sort of hacks on himself to make these soundtracks.
Guest:He does hack on himself.
Guest:And he talks about it on stage.
Guest:One time he was doing...
Guest:A show with the Nashville Orchestra.
Guest:And I went to that show and he just was like, yeah, so that's a good song.
Guest:But then I got the Academy or the Oscar for this piece of shit.
Guest:And then he played something from Toy Story.
Marc:Right.
Marc:So he's got that in him.
Marc:He's such a funny guy.
Marc:I used to love watching him on Letterman.
Marc:But it really annoys me that so many people only see him as that because they don't know his catalog.
Marc:I mean, he's got an amazing songbook.
Marc:So how long were you in Nashville?
Yeah.
Guest:I was there during the winters.
Guest:I'm wintering in different areas.
Guest:No, I was teaching there and I did school five years.
Marc:Teaching music?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:So you weren't there chasing a singer-songwriter dream necessarily.
Marc:You were just there teaching.
Guest:Somehow I convinced myself that Polka Band was really going to do it for me.
Guest:I don't know why.
Guest:I just like performing.
Guest:That was my one outlet.
Guest:And then we were really bad.
Guest:And the people said, well, I'd style for time while the people on stage were fighting.
Guest:We would be fighting and arguing and then I'd style for time while they...
Guest:They were just inebriated.
Guest:It was so miserable.
Guest:And I don't know why I kept on doing it.
Guest:It's like abusive relationship or something.
Guest:But I'd stop for time.
Guest:And then people said, well, we like the talking better than the songs.
Guest:And then gradually the drama and that band got so crazy that it had just needed to be stopped.
Marc:What, you mean there were fist fights and stuff?
Guest:Um, just people would just not show up.
Marc:Did you have a good accordion player?
Guest:Yeah, my roommate.
Guest:Well, we had this one accordion player who could only play with his left hand.
Guest:So he had a phobia on stage.
Guest:We're like, who cares?
Guest:Just play it like a concertina.
Guest:You don't need to play the keys.
Guest:But he had a phobia where he could only have his left side facing the crowd.
Guest:So they couldn't see that he wasn't playing anything with his keyboard hand.
Marc:What, was there something wrong with it?
Marc:His hand?
Guest:No, he just didn't know how to do it.
Marc:So he'd stand to the facing left all the time?
Marc:He'd just stand facing stage right?
Guest:His left side could only be facing the audience.
Guest:And that's it.
Guest:Yeah, he had to always be on stage left.
Marc:Facing stage right.
Guest:Yes, facing stage fright.
Guest:And there's always requirements and the beer tab was always, we always owed on that.
Guest:And then like one time we were playing and I'm like, God, something sounds weird in the rhythm section.
Guest:And I turned back and I was playing, I don't know, sax or clarinet or something.
Guest:And I turned around and the tuba player was just laying on the ground.
Guest:And he had been sitting up on a counter.
Guest:He was just laying on the ground, still cradling his tuba.
Guest:And we didn't stop the song, of course, because who cares?
Guest:We just keep playing.
Marc:Was he playing?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:And he was trying to put it.
Marc:On the ground with his tuba.
Guest:Yes, the drummer.
Guest:I just yelled during the song because we were that bad.
Guest:And I was like, well, what happened?
Guest:And she's like, I don't know.
Guest:He just tipped over.
Guest:Because he was that drunk.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so he's still just laying on the ground like a baby with a tuba nestled.
Guest:Like he was spooning his tuba and trying to move his fingers and play.
Guest:And that's the same night somebody slipped something in my drink.
Guest:And I was sick for a week.
Guest:Somebody put a thing in my cocktail.
Marc:What was it?
Guest:I don't know, but it was kaleidoscopes for a few days.
Marc:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So, it was something good.
Marc:But you would have rather have chosen to take it.
Marc:Yeah, right.
Guest:We got... Oh, we were horrible.
Guest:Like...
Guest:I don't whoop it up that much anymore as much as I used to, but we used to get kicked out of places.
Guest:My roommate and I would get kicked out.
Guest:And one time I get, they told us, well, I don't know why they told us to go because we were leading the dances.
Guest:But I remember I went outside and just as soon as I get outside, I just started vomiting in their parking lot.
Guest:And I remember trying to...
Guest:to stabilize myself on a basketball hoop.
Guest:And I didn't know it was one of those portable ones, so I knocked the thing over onto a mobile radio station truck.
Guest:So, oh, God, I just remember people picking me up and running because I had damaged this radio station truck by trying to lean onto a basketball hoop where the whole thing just tips over.
Yeah.
Marc:And that was the end of it, huh?
Guest:Yeah, my roommate.
Marc:That was your bottom.
Guest:No, no, it kept going.
Guest:But my roommate, I'm like, you know, she drives us home, so obviously you'd assume she'd be okay.
Guest:As soon as she gets in the door, she starts vomiting.
Guest:And it was just like too much, you know.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:It's hard to babysit everybody else.
Marc:This is the death of the polka dream.
Guest:Yeah, and then she, I still wasn't thinking comedy.
Guest:My roommate just signed me up for an open mic night, and she said, prepare a story.
Guest:I was like, oh, it must be comedy.
Guest:So I made a story with my clarinet, and I went to it, and this was a game we played, and I went to this open mic, and it was a black poetry night, and there was all these people in African robes and with African traditional names, and I was like...
Guest:And then I still just did my bit because that was a part of the game.
Guest:And then I did my bit and all these really nice people in the African robes and traditional garments, they listened to me and...
Guest:They didn't necessarily laugh, but I was like, I can't believe they just listened to me for this many minutes.
Guest:And I was hooked because I was like, even the silence was so nice.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I was like, I wanted to keep on doing it and keep on writing more things.
Guest:I love writing.
Marc:Do you have a CD out?
Guest:Yeah, I have two CDs, and I don't care for them anymore, but I'm real good at business.
Guest:I mean, the second one is fine.
Guest:The first one I should have, it was during Christmas week and banquet week at the clubs, and the crowd kept getting drunker and drunker.
Guest:It's a lot of me.
Guest:Screaming.
Guest:Like, hey, hey, you know what I mean?
Guest:Like babysitting all these drunk people and people shouting stuff out.
Guest:And I was like, I'll keep it.
Guest:And then the next CD was better.
Guest:And it's not a bad CD, but I had one even before that.
Guest:that I recorded myself and I would sell for like five bucks when I was first starting out doing comedy.
Guest:And it's actually probably the best CD.
Guest:And it's not anywhere.
Marc:And what's the big dream now?
Marc:What's the dream?
Guest:Well, I want to have a miniature donkey ranch and pumpkin patch and Christmas tree farm all together in like northern Wisconsin.
Guest:But I need to do comedy to finance that.
Marc:Is that really their dream?
Guest:I'd like to be able to do something in the woods, yeah.
Guest:But I enjoy writing.
Guest:I keep writing.
Marc:You want to go back to the woods, though?
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, I feel it's healthier.
Guest:The air here is so bad in L.A.
Guest:and the air is getting bad in Minneapolis.
Guest:It's getting gross.
Guest:I have a hard time breathing here.
Guest:Really?
Guest:And now I'm having a hard time breathing in Minneapolis because I ended up getting some lung issues a couple years ago.
Guest:now do you does your family still have property up there yeah yeah i uh i'm not only um paying taxes on my house which i got in uh minneapolis i'm paying taxes on my ma's house in wisconsin and then taking care of that's 40 acres and then then we have another 40 acres in um um two hours north of there so up just off lake superior yeah we have one 140 and then another 40.
Guest:My dad was very good at buying land while it was cheap.
Marc:Is it worth more now?
Guest:All of it is worth a lot more, but we don't want to sell it.
Marc:What are the resources on it?
Guest:Water, trees, and deer, because those hunting lodges, they come out and they try to, you know, big money, because people are wusses now, and they want to have a guide take them in for deer hunting.
Marc:You got any brothers that can do that?
Guest:Yeah, I'm not.
Guest:I don't want to involve them in anything.
Guest:So, yeah.
Yeah.
Marc:Well, I hope that you can get enough money to go back up there.
Guest:Yeah, thank you very much for saying that.
Guest:I really enjoy the comedy, but there's quite a bit of rigmarole around the bookings at the clubs.
Guest:No shit, man.
Guest:So I don't know if it's worth it in your life.
Guest:Any club that wants to book me, I'd love to come there if they treat me like a human and pay me as much as a male comic with the same credits.
Guest:I would enjoy that.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Do you want to end on a song?
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, what should we do?
Guest:Did I just defend you being a man?
Marc:Hell no.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Marc:I want you to get everything you want.
Marc:Thanks, that's really... And I think you deserve it.
Guest:There's an Irish toast like that.
Marc:Did you bring... Is your name Mary Mack from the song Mary Mack?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Mm-hmm.
Guest:because i got a private name too okay you keep that private yeah i'm i'm always half hour away from going off the grid because i already researched the solar panels and i know all the rebates and it's a pretty good deal well you've and fortunately you have property off the grid so it
Marc:It sounds like you grew up half off the grid.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The problem with that property up north-north is it's so rocky, it's hard to plant pumpkins for my big tree.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:Sometimes you've got to make compromises.
Guest:Oh, and that's the worst trouble you're having that day.
Guest:That's a pretty good day.
Guest:What song do you want to do like a traditional folk song?
Guest:Sure.
Guest:Um, how about, um, my mom likes this song.
Guest:Um, it's just in C and it's just going to use, it's very easy.
Guest:It's going to use, um, uh, C and then F and then G and then C again.
Guest:So let me think, uh, well, you'll hear it.
Marc:You do a verse and maybe I'll come in on the second verse.
Guest:Okay, this is the chorus.
Guest:Mmm, two, this is a waltz, two, three.
Guest:Beautiful, beautiful brown eyes.
Guest:Beautiful, it goes back to C, beautiful G, brown eyes.
Guest:My beautiful, beautiful F, brown eyes.
Guest:She, I'll never, you got it, love, blue eyes again.
Guest:Willie, I love you, my darling Well, I love you with all of my heart Tomorrow we might have been married But rambling kept us apart Here's the chorus, one, two, three Beautiful, beautiful brown eyes
Guest:Beautiful, beautiful brown eyes.
Guest:My beautiful, beautiful brown eyes.
Guest:Oops.
Guest:Oh, shit.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:I'll never love blue eyes again.
Guest:Aww.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Thank you, Mary Mac.
Guest:Thank you, Mark.
Guest:It was very fun.
Marc:Good.
Guest:Hello, everyone.
Guest:This is an appendix to the WTF podcast I did with Marc Maron.
Guest:I just wanted to apologize for my poor attitude.
Guest:I was very grumpy that day because I hadn't slept.
Guest:And I do like comedy.
Guest:I swear I do.
Guest:It's just I sometimes have a bad attitude and forget...
Guest:what it would be like to work in a factory.
Guest:So if somebody could please hire me to write some comedy for them, or sit at a booth in the table as an extra in the back of a comedy show, I would enjoy that very much.
Guest:I'll be in Nashville March 19th, some other day around then, next to that, adjacent to that.
Guest:It's because I'm so good at planning tours.
Guest:Thanks, Mark.
Guest:Okay, talk to you soon.
Guest:See you, everybody.
Marc:Okay, well, I hope that clears things up for you.
Marc:I love her.
Marc:I love Mary Mack.
Marc:And let me reiterate where she's going to be tonight.
Marc:She's going to be at Bongo Java After Hours Theater.
Marc:That's in Nashville.
Marc:You can get tickets at bongoafterhours.com.
Marc:She's there tonight, the 19th, and tomorrow, the 20th.
Marc:Go to WTFPod.com for all your WTFPod needs.
Marc:You can kick in a few shekels.
Marc:You can get some JustCoffee.coop.
Marc:You can check on what episodes are what, who's been on the show, how you can listen to them, get the app, upgrade to the premium app.
Marc:You can get on the mailing list.
Marc:So much you can do.
Marc:You can see my calendar to see where I'm performing.
Marc:That's Bloomington, Indiana at the Comedy Attic this Friday and Saturday.
Marc:I'll see you guys there.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:That was the weirdest ending I ever did.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Thank you so much.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:All right, enough.