Episode 223 - Seth Meyers, Scott Adsit, Jodi Lennon, Julian McCullough, Gabe Liedman, Rachel Feinstein
Guest:Lock the gates!
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Pow!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:WTF.
Guest:And it's also, ah, what the fuck?
Guest:What's wrong with me?
Guest:It's time for WTF.
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:With Mark Maron.
Guest:All right, let's do this bell house in Brooklyn.
Guest:How are you, what the fuckers?
Guest:What the fuck buddies?
Guest:What the fucking ears?
Guest:What the fuck nicks?
Guest:I'm Mark Maron.
Guest:This is WTF.
Guest:This is live from the bell house in Brooklyn, New York.
Guest:Oh, shit!
Marc:Look at this!
Marc:I can't fucking take it!
Marc:How are you, folks?
Marc:You good?
Marc:I don't even know where to start.
Marc:We got an amazing show.
Marc:It's like Christmas up here.
Marc:Look at this, man.
Marc:Okay, this one, let's just go through this because I have not, sometimes I neglect to thank people properly and I do want to congratulate right out of the gate, Mikhail and Susan.
Marc:He was going to propose tonight but I didn't fucking respond to his email.
Marc:Congratulations.
Marc:Congratulations, and I'm sorry.
Marc:You got the email right here?
Marc:What, are you gonna just make me feel like more of an asshole?
Marc:I admitted to it, but now you gotta put this in my face?
Marc:Hello, Mark, just wanted to say I've listened to the show almost since the beginning, and you're not only hilarious, but a born interviewer.
Marc:My girlfriend and I are both fans and listen every time on the day it comes out.
Marc:It's by far my favorite podcast.
Marc:I even downloaded the app in a year's subscription.
Marc:I'm an asshole, but the reason I'm writing is to ask you very humbly.
Marc:If you'll let me propose to my girlfriend of seven years, I'm 29, she's 26, during the taping in Brooklyn on July 25th during the 9 p.m.
Marc:show, we already have tickets.
Marc:I meant to tell you I was gonna let you do this.
Marc:I think my email must have got lost, bro.
Marc:She would be completely shocked and it would be great to have record of the event.
Marc:If you feel this would sidetrack the show, I understand.
Marc:No, I'd much rather sidetrack it with a guilty email that makes me feel like an asshole, but at least make you feel better about who I am.
Marc:But if you allow me to do it at the end or maybe the beginning, I would be forever in your debt.
Marc:If you could help me come up with a funny way to do it.
Marc:Well, see, that's where you lost me.
Marc:I was reading this and I'm like, oh, it's a writing job?
Marc:Um...
Marc:It would be even better.
Marc:I've been a total comedy nerd since I was a teenager and a fan of yours since I saw your first, and I think only Comedy Central presents.
Marc:Oh, that's where I lost you, too.
Marc:I did two of them.
Marc:There's two.
Marc:I've seen you a few times over the years and bought all three CDs.
Marc:Jesus Christ, dude.
Marc:How did I not respond to this?
Marc:I got cupcakes and all kinds of shit up here.
Marc:I don't know how I can make it up to you.
Marc:Do you want to reenact it or anything?
Oh...
Marc:All right, just answer me this.
Marc:Hold on a second.
Marc:Let's walk through it, Mikael.
Marc:So how did you do it?
Guest:Well, I sent you the email.
Marc:Let's get past that.
Guest:I'm trying to make up for that.
Guest:After about three days, I was just like, fuck it, he's not going to do it.
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:And her sister and her best friend weren't going to be in town the next weekend, so I just...
Marc:Oh, so it's more of a family thing.
Marc:It's probably better, right?
Guest:Well, what we did, I took her, I went to the bar that we had our first drink at the day we met, and it's a fucking Cadoba now.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I made her stand there on the corner, and I ran to the closest liquor store and bought one of those small bottles of champagne, and then ran back and got down on me and proposed, and she said yes, and I popped up.
Marc:Oh.
Marc:Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Marc:I'm so happy for you.
Marc:I'm serious.
Marc:Good luck with it.
Marc:And thanks for the iPhone.
Marc:I apologize.
Marc:I'm happy for you guys.
Marc:I didn't mean to be a dick.
Marc:I just got busy, and I didn't want to talk to you.
Marc:Okay, quick.
Marc:Anyone know what this is?
Marc:No, that's right.
Marc:It's a hand-knitted piece of shit.
Marc:And I'd like to thank Katya for that.
Marc:She said that as a comedian, I would understand the fake dog-do thing, and this is her artistic interpretation of that.
Marc:This is knitted poop.
Marc:I'm gonna have an exhibit in Los Angeles of all the folk art.
Marc:Thank you, Katya, right here.
Marc:It's inspired.
Marc:And I know that I'm gonna have to explain it every time, which is gonna be the best part of having this on my coffee table.
Marc:What is this?
Marc:It's poop.
Marc:It's a hand-knitted poop.
Marc:What the fuck is right?
Marc:What else do we have?
Marc:Okay, Brad.
Marc:This is... Okay, here we go.
Marc:It's a little art from Brad.
Marc:For those of you listening, it's me on a subway next to Munch's... How do you pronounce his name?
Marc:Munch?
Marc:The scream guy.
Marc:And it says, this is what the fuck.
Marc:The next stop is goddammit.
Marc:But I like the signs here on the subway.
Marc:One just says, kill yourself.
Marc:And the other says, hey, buy the thing.
Okay.
Marc:Some serious social satire going on right here.
Marc:Much better than they live.
Marc:You don't even need special glasses to see this shit.
Marc:Okay, and Liz got me the cupcakes.
Marc:I appreciate that.
Marc:Now, can I interest you in a wedding celebration cupcake?
Marc:Can I do that?
Marc:Is it okay, Liz, if I share them?
Marc:Here, have a cupcake, you two.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Look at, those are yummy.
Marc:Thank you, Liz.
Marc:You're helping me out.
Marc:You're not going to deny cupcake.
Marc:You're getting married.
Marc:The eating disorder time is over.
Marc:You look great.
Marc:Have a cupcake.
Marc:Good luck with that, buddy.
Marc:I, um...
Marc:Am I being an asshole?
Marc:I apologize.
Marc:I just wanted to make this night special.
Marc:And I think you've got a long and difficult road ahead of both of you to be... How old are you?
Marc:You're 27?
Marc:You're 29 and she's 27?
Marc:26?
Marc:And you're getting married?
Marc:I'm married.
Marc:You got married.
I don't know.
Marc:So there's a child on the way?
Marc:Three days after you proposed?
Marc:Oh shit, listen to that tone.
Marc:We were together for seven years.
Marc:I'm familiar with that tone.
Marc:Well good, it sounds like you got what you fucking wanted then.
Marc:You just didn't know if it was gonna go down, huh?
Marc:Touch and go there for a while, right?
Marc:Couldn't get him committed.
Marc:Huh?
Marc:Fingers crossed.
Marc:I'm proud of you, man.
Marc:I'm proud of you for making the leap.
Marc:I've done it twice.
Marc:The, um... Look, dude...
Marc:You guys are in the right ballpark, all right?
Marc:See, I get a little nervous.
Marc:I'm a little older than she is, you know?
Marc:And it makes me nervous.
Marc:It makes me nervous.
Marc:Because a lot of people look at the older guy with the younger woman, and they think, like, I know what that's about.
Marc:You don't.
Marc:You don't know what it's about.
Marc:If you think anything other than that man is a clown and should be wearing a clown's nose, then you do not know what it's about.
Marc:Right?
Marc:I'm telling you, a year from now, when we're married, and I'm walking behind her, just play calliope music.
Marc:And I'm like... Because a day will come... where I'll think everything is going fine, and she'll say the most horrible words a man of my age can hear, which is, I'm getting along so much better with my dad.
Marc:Now...
Marc:This means we're weeks away from her leaving me, and she goes on to have an age-appropriate relationship.
Marc:And she's here tonight, and all that she's going to take out of that entire spiel I just did when we get back to the hotel room, it's like, we're going to be married in a year?
Marc:All right.
Marc:That's how my evening's going to unravel.
Marc:Let's do a couple of emails.
Marc:You want to?
Marc:This one, I always like these things that seem like they're having a conversation that I don't recall at all.
Marc:Speaking of jerking it... Now I got to like, where was he coming in?
Marc:Which episode was he?
Marc:Is it wrong that my Saturday morning routine consists of jerking off while thinking of my sister-in-law in the shower?
Marc:My wife is much better looking, but I feel like the sister-in-law has much dirtier tendencies.
Marc:What goes on in your head stays in your head.
Marc:I'm not even gonna say that guy's name.
Marc:I do not want him to go through whatever could possibly happen if anyone hung that on him.
Marc:Ass play.
Marc:Good subject line.
Marc:It's a little weird, though.
Marc:Hi, Mark.
Marc:I want to ask you to please refrain from using the term crowd work.
Marc:So frequently.
Marc:Every time you say those words, this disturbing thing happens inside my head.
Marc:I hear the words ass play.
Marc:How is that my problem?
Marc:Seriously.
Marc:Needless to say, I'm pretty grossed out by this.
Marc:Maybe you should do something about that.
Marc:I became aware of this lifestyle choice a few years ago when I happened upon the online dating profile of a flabby 60-year-old lesbian who looked like she lived in a house that smelled of boiled cabbage.
Marc:I don't know how you or crowd work got involved, but since you say this phrase fairly regularly, the connection has become hardwired.
Marc:I hope you can help me, Judy.
Marc:Well, Judy, I just did a little crowd work with McHale and his new bride, and everyone had a great time.
Marc:It was good crowd work.
Marc:Really good crowd work.
Marc:I fucking love crowd work because you never know what's going to happen when you get involved with crowd work.
Marc:And if you really go heavy into crowd work, it can really be fun because you just never know what's going to happen.
Marc:It's hard to follow crowd work.
Marc:I'm worried about this guy.
Marc:Mark, feel like reaching out to you, then just has one line.
Marc:Seems like you're proof that the future can be okay.
Wow.
Marc:I got to tell you, buddy, I'm not so sure if you're thinking that.
Marc:God, we have a great show.
Marc:Did I mention that?
Marc:Oh, maybe we should get these cannolis opened.
Marc:I'll have somebody do that.
Marc:All right, so my first guest is a wonderful comedian who I've watched and known for years, and I adore her.
Marc:Please welcome Rachel Feinstein.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Hello.
Marc:We're going to eat some cannolis.
Marc:No, sit right next to me and grab that mic.
Marc:Hi, Rachel.
Guest:Hi, guys.
Guest:How are you?
Marc:Yay.
Marc:Oh, shit.
Marc:Look at these.
Marc:They're mini cannolis.
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:No fucking shit.
Guest:Those are beautiful.
Marc:Oh, they're fucking amazing.
Marc:They're very sensual.
Marc:Did you smell them?
Guest:I do.
Marc:Ooh, isn't that good?
Guest:Yes, I'm aroused.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:So how are you?
Guest:I'm good.
Guest:It's nice to see you.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Where have you been?
Marc:Is this boxers in the way?
Guest:Uh,
Guest:There we go.
Guest:Not really.
Guest:Where have I been in the last few months?
Guest:Texas, Alabama, Indiana, everywhere I've wanted to be.
Guest:That's where I've been.
Marc:Great state for Jewish comics, all of those.
Marc:If you say, where does the Jew want to play?
Marc:How about Alabama, Texas, and Indiana, but way up north in India?
Guest:I actually was in the middle of a show in Alabama, and I asked if there were any Jews in the crowd.
Guest:I was just setting something up, and it just got real quiet and clansy.
Guest:And then this one guy just goes, dares to chew.
Guest:She's over there.
Guest:And he pointed across the room like they were tracking their Jews.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Guest:It was very unsettling.
Marc:That's the worst fucking feeling.
Guest:I felt soiled.
Guest:I felt scared, and I did not feel safe.
Guest:It was not good.
Marc:I had the Texas Jew thing where I used to do about 15 minutes in my act about being Jewish, and I think I've talked about this before.
Marc:A guy comes up to me after the show and goes, you're pretty funny, but you're not really a Jew, are you?
Yeah.
Marc:Like, that would be the part I made up.
Guest:Yeah, people have asked me before if I've changed my name.
Guest:I'm like, yeah, I changed it to Rachel Feinstein.
Guest:I thought, I gotta get something sexy.
Guest:My name's not sexy enough.
Marc:Now, do you have, I mean, what are your experiences on the road?
Marc:I mean, I know that, are you, you're headlining?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, I am.
Marc:And are you kicking ass or do you have, do you find that you're up against some fucking nastiness or what?
Guest:There's a sadness to the road.
Guest:There is.
Guest:I mean, I'm sure I'm not the first person to say that.
Guest:Wait a minute.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:You mean being stuck in a hotel room in a city without a car usually by an industrial park of some kind with a hotel that may or may not have a breakfast buffet and you're only left to sit there and battle every night with shitty food and internet porn is somehow unhappy to you?
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:And add the rapey feeling of being a woman on top of it where there's always just that kind of like could be a rape around the corner.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The guy they always have drive you around is always just like the most unstable disturbing character Yeah, I was just doing this gig and the guys like license plate He had like a bumper sticker that said I don't dial 9-1-1 which was so confusing.
Guest:I was like First of all whether you're for handguns or not.
Guest:There's a lot of reasons to dial 9-1-1 Like what do you do if your grandma has a stroke shooter in the fucking face like it's it's not acceptable It's not soothing
Marc:That's a gun thing?
Marc:It just means I take care of my own business.
Guest:I guess, but even if you killed someone in self-defense, then 911 would be the logical next step.
Guest:Perhaps a phone call.
Marc:I never thought about how scary it would be to be a woman on the road, just in the sense that you do go to those hotels, and there's always that situation where you're at one of those hotels, and you have that moment where you're like, there's that guy again.
Marc:Even if you're a guy, you're like, what's that guy up to?
Marc:You see...
Marc:Because you see people walking into rooms and automatically you build a life for them.
Marc:It's like, what are they running away from?
Marc:What's in that room?
Marc:He's got a suitcase full of somebody in there.
Marc:But it's probably just a guy doing his job.
Marc:Yeah, one time I was at a hotel.
Marc:I remember it was with another comic, and we were walking down.
Marc:It was like a Marriott Suite hotel, and we had heard a guy having the loudest fucking sex, like right there, like literally at the door right near where you check in.
Marc:And it was just this woman going, that's it, baby.
Marc:Fuck me, daddy.
Marc:Fuck me, daddy.
Marc:And then I said to the dude, I'm like, God, they must be really into each other.
Marc:And he's like, no, someone paid for that.
Guest:I was mesmerized by your fuck me daddy voice because it sounded so practical.
Guest:She's like, fuck me daddy.
Marc:Well, that's exactly why he said it's probably a hooker because it sounded so practical.
Marc:I'm just working here.
Marc:Because, you know, it could be like, fuck me, daddy.
Marc:Is that wrong?
Marc:Did you want something else?
Marc:Grandpa, what do you need?
Marc:How can I help you?
Guest:What would work for you?
Marc:Do you have a guy?
Guest:Yeah, I'm dating somebody now.
Guest:But it's still weird because you're on the road and you're never home.
Guest:And so then you have to explain why you can't attend any normal event because they think you'd rather be there.
Guest:It's like, no, I don't want to be in Indiana.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Actually, I was on the road on Valentine's Day and this guy, and I was trying to explain to him why I had to be there.
Guest:He doesn't understand because he's like, but you hate these places you're going.
Guest:I'm like, yeah, but I have to pay my rent and I don't have health insurance.
Guest:But yeah, I was on the road on Valentine's Day and this guy came up to me after my show and he brought this bag of a series of unstable gifts.
Guest:They were very distressing.
Marc:Did he know you before?
Marc:So he was a fan?
Guest:He knew me before.
Guest:before i don't know if he even had internet he was definitely uh something was very awry mentally and it was like some murder-esque vibe yeah and he came up and he was just sort of aware of me and he was screaming about how i was eliminated from the last comic standing which i thought was funny because he didn't really even have the facts right he goes they should
Guest:shouldn't have made you go in the first round.
Guest:But he was like real piping mad, you know?
Guest:And I got defensive.
Guest:I was like, I didn't go in the first round.
Guest:They let me stay.
Guest:Like, no, they liked me a little.
Guest:He was bringing up a lot of stuff for me.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:And then did he turn on it?
Marc:You're like, shut up, bitch.
Guest:Here's presents.
Guest:He did sound just like that.
Guest:And he made the same, he did the same expression in his eyes.
Guest:But, you know, he gave me a series of these drawings of the Star Wars Death Star.
Guest:And then...
Guest:There was like, they got real excited.
Guest:One guy got real amped up.
Guest:Did you hear that?
Guest:Woo!
Guest:Star Wars Duster!
Guest:Fuck yeah!
Marc:Raise the roof!
Marc:They're all just angry they didn't make it to Comic-Con.
Guest:Yeah, there was like nine pictures.
Guest:And then there was various like Star Wars, like the vehicles that go around
Guest:in and shit.
Guest:He had drawings of the... I don't even know if I'm going to say it wrong.
Guest:It was like Adat or some vehicle.
Guest:And then there was a lot of hearts.
Guest:And then he would have famous poetry, but then he'd just cross out... Really well-known poetry, but he'd cross out the person that had obviously written it and just write his own name, Rashid Watley.
Guest:Like on the piece of paper?
Guest:Yeah, just cross out.
Guest:He didn't even put any white out.
Guest:That was a little...
Guest:He couldn't get his hands on any.
Marc:So how long did this exchange go on for before you had to maybe get the guy who had, I don't call 911, save you from this guy?
Guest:The owner took him away.
Guest:At first I was curious.
Guest:Took him away.
Marc:Oh, God.
Guest:But there was a cop that he was friends with that was sort of standing over him, this kind of red-faced cop, like, you almost done, huh?
Guest:You done with the gifts, huh?
Guest:You almost done.
Guest:Like, just sort of angry.
Guest:But I was curious, too, because I was like, this shit's getting more and more fucking hilarious.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So I kind of wanted him to continue so that I could tell the story I'm telling right now because it was hilarious.
Guest:There was a lot of like plastic flowers.
Guest:It was all in this public library bag.
Marc:Come on, you fucked him.
Guest:You fucked him, right?
Guest:I did.
Guest:He finger blasted me, all right?
Guest:Whatever.
Guest:It was Valentine's Day.
Guest:You had to for the joke.
Guest:I'm worth it.
Guest:I'm worth it.
Guest:okay so all right now you grew up here i grew up in maryland in bethesda maryland and you're you're like what kind of like what do you come from uh my like my parents and stuff yeah like what are they about uh my my dad's uh a civil rights lawyer he was a blues musician wait a jewish blues musician yes he was i love that
Marc:He's one of those Jew blues guys.
Guest:Yes, he was.
Guest:Both my parents really want to be black, like desperately.
Marc:Oh, and he's a civil rights lawyer as well.
Guest:They're so liberal.
Guest:They would be happy.
Guest:They don't care whatever.
Guest:They would love it if I brought home a Nigerian lesbian.
Guest:My mom would just be like, that is fantastic.
Guest:Finally!
Guest:Did you do that?
Guest:They really want to be black.
Guest:No, I haven't done that.
Guest:But they have all their coffee table books.
Guest:They're like, celebrating black women are like, finally black women.
Guest:All this stuff up in our house is like Steve Biko did not die in vain and shit.
Guest:I'm like... My mom converted to Judaism.
Guest:She's like a waspy little soccer mom.
Guest:I don't know where she gets it.
Guest:She majored in African history with a minor in black studies.
Guest:They just...
Guest:They're just... They want to be black so bad.
Guest:It's really uncomfortable.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:So, wait.
Marc:Now, so your dad played in a blues band?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:Did he talk like a black guy?
Guest:He didn't really talk like he was black.
Guest:He went by the name Hurricane Howie.
Like...
Guest:It's true.
Guest:You can go to his website.
Guest:He still does.
Marc:That's his lawyer name?
Guest:No, he quit his law job.
Marc:Hurricane Howie Feinstein?
Marc:I'll get you off the hook, brother.
Marc:It's just got the fist.
Guest:You're in safe hands.
Guest:Actually, now I think it's cool and really interesting, but when I was a kid, he just would really humiliate me.
Guest:He was in this band called the Vomitones, which I was very embarrassed about.
Guest:He thinks there's nothing funnier than throwing up, and they would play these... Nothing funnier to him.
Guest:They played at my school on multicultural night.
Guest:I'm like, what is multicultural about the fucking Vomitones?
Guest:And my dad likes to get on all fours after he does a particularly exciting number on his accordion, and he howl, like a wolf, like in honor of howling wolf.
Guest:It's really distressing.
Marc:What I want to know is, were there people in the audience ever?
Guest:Yeah, there were people.
Guest:He's actually a brilliant musician.
Guest:He plays all by ear and all that.
Guest:He's really good.
Guest:That's all he does now for a living, but he was just very embarrassing.
Guest:His friends used to moon people after their sets.
Guest:It was...
Marc:And you would go to these shows?
Guest:They mooned.
Guest:He didn't actually moon, but two of the other guys in his band mooned my school on that multicultural night.
Marc:And you were like, that's my dad.
Guest:I'm like, that's my daddy.
Marc:That's a hurricane.
Guest:Did you ever... Do you think it inspired you at all to be in show business because he was up on... I think he had a lot of regret about not doing... You know, I mean, in his family, it wasn't acceptable to go join... Actually, in any family, is it acceptable to have your goal be to be in a band called The Vomitones?
Guest:But, I mean...
Guest:at that time that wasn't an option he was going to be a lawyer and he was passionate about civil rights because of the whole black thing and he wanted to be black so it fit in well but then I think he had a lot of regret that he didn't do his blues earlier and so when I was 17 I moved to New York with this guy in his band actually it was called Dick Sister Dick Sister Dick Sister I have that part of me alive and active I have Leighton Rockcock
Marc:It's actually not that latent, is it?
Marc:I have a blues singer, too.
Marc:I play blues.
Marc:I'm a Jew blues player.
Guest:Oh, you do?
Guest:I didn't know this.
Guest:What do you play?
Marc:I play guitar.
Marc:That's really cool.
Marc:You know, I'm pretty powerful in my garage.
Marc:Play a little.
Marc:I sit in with all the greats, you know, muddy, howling.
Marc:I call them howling.
Marc:Some people call them wolf, but no, I call them howling.
Guest:You have the burden for it.
Guest:I bet you're good.
Marc:Yeah, I do have the burden.
Marc:It's so funny.
Marc:What is that burden?
Marc:It's not like, you know, slavery and horrible treatment.
Marc:It's my mother.
Marc:Yeah, I got the Jewish blues burden.
Marc:Needy mom.
Guest:So is your mom happy that you... Yeah, they both... I like that you just slur your answers and I already know what they are.
Guest:Your questions, I know what they are.
Guest:Yeah, they're both happy about it.
Guest:I mean, they don't fully understand it.
Guest:My mom calls it my talent show or whatever.
Marc:That is so condescending.
Guest:She calls it my talent show or my little program.
Marc:I saw your little program.
Guest:She always goes, I saw you in your... Don't mock me in your little program tonight, okay?
Marc:Oh, my God.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:They support it.
Guest:My dad wished that he had done something.
Guest:But it's not like I had a lot of other options.
Guest:I didn't, you know...
Guest:I always liked the idea of like leaving some sort of noble, like being a scientist and then making that noble decision to leave that career for the arts.
Guest:But I had really no other choices.
Guest:I was like an awful student.
Guest:And like, yeah, it was just, it wasn't like, I was just like, I'm going to do it.
Guest:Fuck everything.
Guest:I want to cut it away from myself.
Guest:I was living with some guy in his band called Dick Sister.
Guest:He dumped me.
Guest:I started standup.
Marc:And that's your burden.
Guest:That's my fucking burden.
Marc:Rachel Feinstein.
Marc:You good?
Yeah.
Marc:That's great.
Marc:Scoot down to the next mic.
Marc:It's my pleasure right now to bring out a young man that made me laugh once, and I always wanted to have him on the show.
Marc:I don't know him that well.
Marc:And I said, well, what do you want to talk about?
Marc:He says, well, I'm gay.
Marc:And I'm like, all right, you're on.
Marc:Let's do it.
Guest:Gabe Leidman, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Hi.
Marc:Hi.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:I'm good.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:It's nice to see you.
Guest:Yeah, you too.
Guest:This is a great show.
Marc:Thank you very much.
Marc:I love Rachel.
Marc:Yeah, I love her too.
Guest:I'm very fond of the gig.
Guest:She's great.
Marc:Do you know her dad, Hurricane Howie?
Guest:I don't know him personally, no, but Rachel and I go back a bit.
Marc:Thank you.
Guest:This is weird, but we... The first and maybe only road gig I ever did was with Rachel to a Jewish camp outside of Atlanta for a daytime show...
Guest:On a Jewish comedy tour, maybe 7,000 to 10,000 years ago.
Guest:Something like that.
Marc:Hold on a minute.
Marc:So you're doing a Jewish comedy tour that stopped at Jewish day camps.
Guest:Yes, outside in Georgia.
Marc:So they were frightened Jews.
Guest:While the sun was up, yeah.
Marc:They were cloistered.
Guest:Yeah, it was one of the worst days of their life, I'm sure.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:when we rolled through.
Marc:Outside of living in Atlanta.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I love Atlanta, by the way.
Guest:I just wanted to erase what I just said to placate anybody who gives a shit.
Guest:Someone is, sorry.
Marc:No, no, Atlanta's pretty cool, and there are Southern Jews, and there have been for a long time.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So...
Marc:How fucking diplomatic and ridiculous was that?
Marc:Who am I trying to placate here?
Marc:Listen, all you Jews in the South, I love you.
Guest:That was good.
Guest:You have to think nationally.
Guest:Me, I only exist in Brooklyn, so I can say whatever I want at this point.
Marc:You exist in the hearts of many, Gabe.
Guest:Yeah, that's true.
Marc:So what happened?
Marc:So you're there, summer camp.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What kind of bits do you do?
Guest:I was with my comedy partner, Jenny Slate, and we were talking about bullshit, just garbage bullshit.
Guest:It wasn't going very well.
Guest:And then I said something about being gay, and some people laughed.
Guest:And then there was this one really gay-looking guy.
Guest:How old?
Guest:Maybe, I don't know, 17.
Guest:So, I mean, he probably wasn't out.
Guest:And I said, that guy knows what I'm talking about.
Guest:Which was one of the only crimes I've committed in my life.
Marc:Well, let me, in terms of how long the camp session was, what day of camp was that?
Marc:Because you probably fucked up the other two weeks.
Guest:I don't know if it was the last day on the calendar, but it was the last day of camp, for sure.
Guest:For that kid, at least.
Guest:And then, well, everyone else laughed.
Guest:Everyone else was totally cracking up.
Guest:And I think I, I mean, for someone who had no material, I did fine that day.
Marc:You know what I see in your future, Gabe?
Marc:A grateful email from a guy that came out because of that day.
Guest:Totally.
Guest:He was like that one fat guy from fucking New York.
Guest:Has my back.
Guest:Or at least knows what I wrote in my journal.
Guest:I think he saved a life.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:He saved a life that day.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Guest:It was one of the least responsible sort of stand-up moments I think I've ever had.
Guest:If someone had done that to me when I was a teenager, I would have fucking killed myself.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah, absolutely.
Guest:Wait, are you saying no one did that to you when you were a teenager?
Guest:No, everyone in the entire world told me I was gay before I came out.
Guest:Did you know you were gay when they were telling you?
Guest:Yes, absolutely.
Guest:But I wasn't living it.
Guest:You know when you meet someone and you're like, oh, they're asexual.
Guest:They just don't have any sex.
Guest:That was me.
Guest:I was gay.
Guest:And I was a fucking kid and all the sex I had was online.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Marc:But how do you, like, so, like, in those moments, I mean, how do you act?
Marc:I mean, like, were you stifling something?
Marc:Like, what were you stopping?
Guest:I was stifling everything.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I listened to music that I hated.
Guest:Like what?
Guest:I listened to Dave Matthews' band.
LAUGHTER
Guest:Wait, that is the perfect asexual music.
Guest:Right?
Guest:That defines closeted gays around the world.
Guest:Well, that's what a straight guy who isn't going to actually fuck you listens to, right?
Guest:And fish.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I went to so many fucking fish concerts.
Guest:Oh, no.
Guest:dozens of fish concerts I lived in Philly they were just always there oh god they had their own fucking section of the parking lot outside of some stadium this is one of the saddest closet stories I've heard oh my god yeah so I was like I'll just fake like I'm a hippie because then no one will expect me to fuck so you had long hair patchouli and you did the Grateful Dead dance and shit yeah but I was Jewish so my long hair was like tall hair
Guest:I had like a huge helmet of an afro.
Marc:It's interesting.
Marc:The asexual, closeted, hippie, Jew, gay guys is very familiar to me.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Like I've known a lot of them.
Guest:Yeah, you probably had like three in your class.
Marc:Yeah, absolutely.
Guest:Yeah, absolutely.
Marc:I was one of them.
Marc:Okay, good.
Marc:I lived with one.
Marc:I'm sure it was nice.
Marc:Yeah, but I think it was a phase and then I don't know what he's doing now.
Guest:And like, you know, if he's at the computer, don't come in the room.
Marc:Because you're going to see something that you didn't expect.
Guest:You're going to see something that is like crazy.
Guest:And he doesn't want you to see.
Guest:And he's way ahead of his time.
Guest:And then one day it'll be like what he's into.
Guest:But at that point, it has to just be this thing that he's erasing from his history.
Guest:And that's the world we live in.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:We summed it up.
Guest:You're welcome, America.
Guest:I totally just explained homosexuality to everyone.
Guest:So...
Guest:The day that you came out, how did that go?
Guest:It went great, actually.
Guest:My parents were super supportive and into it.
Guest:It was the night that my sister was leaving for college, and she was kind of the difficult one, so there was mass hysteria, and everyone was freaking out about her and packing her and making sure she was okay to move out, and I was just there.
Guest:I was like, I got something that will take your mind off this.
What?
Guest:I'm gay.
Guest:And they knew it, but it totally broke the ice.
Guest:For her, at least.
Marc:I was a good brother.
Marc:And did they say, help your sister pack?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:You must be great at folding shit.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You'll know exactly what she needs for the fall season.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So it was great.
Guest:I was a big help to her and everyone.
Guest:Well, that's sweet.
Guest:That day.
Guest:Yeah, no, coming out was no big deal, although to me I was terrified to do it, even though I knew my parents would be fine with it.
Marc:Do you think they knew already?
Guest:They definitely knew already.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Absolutely.
Guest:Everyone knew already.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I think that's true of everyone.
Marc:So there was relief then in some level?
Guest:Yeah, there was total relief.
Guest:I waited until I had sex and then I came out because I figured that being gay is kind of a sex thing.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So I was like, yeah, I could come out of the closet as a virgin or I could have sex and confirm and then be like that.
Guest:This is my sexual identity.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, and then so I had sex and then I came out of the closet and everyone seen everyone.
Guest:No one was surprised.
Guest:I don't think.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Everyone knew me pretty well.
Guest:My family obviously knew me great.
Guest:And they were very okay with gay shit my whole life.
Guest:And I just fit into that gay shit that they were okay with.
Marc:Can you give us what's under the umbrella of gay shit?
Guest:Under the umbrella of gay shit.
Guest:Jennifer Hudson.
Guest:Well, it was like I grew up in Philly and I grew up downtown.
Marc:Did you flip the collar up on your polo shirts?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Absolutely.
Guest:Still would.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Still would if that was a thing.
Guest:I did.
Guest:It was a thing like right after 9-11.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I did it then for sure.
Guest:What do you mean?
Guest:What does that mean?
Marc:Was that a national thing?
Guest:Everybody in honor of 9-11 must flip the collar of the Ralph Lauren shirts up?
Guest:It wasn't about 9-11, but that's how the calendar reads in retrospect, doesn't it?
Guest:Just, you know, that was like kind of trendy in 2002 is all I meant.
Yeah.
Guest:So you're saying it wasn't a gay trend in reaction to 9-11?
Guest:Oh, no.
Guest:No, no, no, no, no.
Guest:It had nothing to do with 9-11 except for that I guess I kind of implied that it did.
Guest:But all I meant was that, yeah, I mean, when it came back in style to flip your collar up, I did that.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I got it.
Marc:I got it because I didn't know it was an idea.
Marc:I pictured this national movement where after 9-11, everyone who wasn't out came out with their collars up.
Guest:No.
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:That would have been great, though.
Guest:That would have really shown them.
Guest:While America has its guard down, we're all gay.
Guest:Something else to think about.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:This is a national version of your sister packing.
Guest:Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Guest:Let us take your mind off of this with a little thing we do with our shirts.
Guest:No, I wish.
Guest:That would have been great.
Guest:So how is the whole gay thing?
Guest:Good?
Guest:It's going great.
Guest:Yeah, absolutely.
Guest:It's going great.
Guest:Do old gay guys annoy you?
Guest:No, not at all.
Guest:I love old gay guys.
Guest:Love them.
Marc:I mean, just in general, are you like, come on, old man, lose the captain's hat, you know?
Guest:I feel like they took every fucking bullet for me and that they should have all the fun possible for them.
Guest:Right?
Guest:I mean, it's like, the fuck do I care what they dress or look like?
Guest:I mean, and also the other thing is that like, like I said, I only, I'm only at home.
Guest:So I don't go out to, you know, like I don't see them in chaps and they don't harass me because I don't go to bars.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But that's my problem.
Guest:But are you saying there's old gay men that harass young men in chaps?
Marc:Oh, absolutely.
Marc:They wear chaps and they're like... Yeah.
Guest:I think that's what keeps bars in business is the old men who put on their chaps around four, if it's summer.
Guest:We go over for happy hour and then they're the ones buying the drinks.
Guest:Put on their nipple rings.
Guest:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:The nipple rings that connect to each other and then to your nose.
Guest:Who is that?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:So hot, right?
Guest:Yeah, it was so hot.
Guest:Jodie Watley.
Guest:That's who I'm trying to think.
Guest:Jodie Watley style.
Guest:Everyone's going to look that up when they go home.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:She had a nose ring that connected to something like down on her body.
Guest:So what's...
Guest:She was famous.
Marc:You can say it.
Guest:Well, it was either her nipples or her pussy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I don't know which one.
Guest:I think you said pussy well.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I was thinking that too.
Marc:I say pussy a lot.
Marc:Yeah, you do?
Marc:You say pussy a lot?
Guest:I say pussy a lot.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's a word that means so much shit.
Marc:Do you say cock or dick?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I say dick.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:See, that's a new generation thing.
Guest:Yeah, cock, I don't know.
Marc:Cock is old school, man.
Guest:Cock is old school, and it's also like a personality thing.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:You know, peacock or cocky.
Guest:Or like, look at my cock.
Guest:Yeah, look at my cock.
Guest:No, it would be like suck my dick.
Guest:That's what resonates with me.
Marc:Really?
Guest:Not suck my cock.
Guest:Suck my cock.
Marc:No, that sounds written.
Marc:But how about this?
Marc:Nice dick.
Marc:I don't know about that.
Guest:Nice dick?
Guest:No, that's a great compliment.
Guest:No, I know, but... If someone said nice dick to me, I'd be like, thank you.
Guest:But how would you respond to like, wow, that's a lot of cock.
Guest:I'd be like, who, why, why are you reading off of a fucking note card?
Guest:Yeah, cock doesn't sound real to me.
Guest:Cock sounds like marketing material for like a porn.
Guest:All the cocks in New York descend on one fucking kid.
Marc:Gabe Liebman, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Thank you, buddy.
Marc:And please help yourself to anything.
Marc:Anything.
Marc:I don't want to... Jessica's just going to watch me cry over this shit.
Marc:What's in this box?
Marc:Oh, God.
Marc:Oh, Madeleines?
Marc:Is that what you call them?
Marc:These?
Guest:Madeleine.
Marc:Madeleine?
Guest:Beautiful, yeah.
Marc:Yeah, you like these?
Guest:Yeah, they're the best.
Marc:These are sugar cocks.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You want a sugar cock?
Marc:Yep.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:Always.
Always.
Guest:This next gentleman is a very funny man who I've liked for a long time.
Guest:I've always thought he was funny.
Guest:These are the worst credits ever.
Marc:Let's find out what he's done.
Marc:Julian McCullough, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Look at that guy.
Marc:Over here.
Marc:Don't run away from me.
Marc:Over here.
Marc:We're talking to me.
Marc:Sorry.
Marc:No, I want to sit close to you.
Marc:I want you to.
Marc:He's pretty hot, isn't he, Gabe?
Marc:Seriously.
Guest:Oh, he's the best, yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Known him for years.
Guest:Gabe's like the one I would.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I am literally holding you to that.
Guest:Just for the jokes after.
Guest:Oh, man.
Guest:For both of you?
Guest:Yeah, let's just make fun of reality television.
Guest:We'll forget about that sex we just had and just make fun of these desperate housewives.
Guest:Right?
Guest:But you say cock, right?
Guest:No.
Guest:Mark, no one says cock anymore.
Guest:No one.
Guest:What is that, like a Steely Dan thing?
Guest:Didn't they have an album called It's a Cock?
Marc:Yeah, every album.
Marc:Steely Dan?
Marc:Could you have said somebody else?
Marc:I'm like the only guy in the world that does not fucking get Steely Dan.
Marc:Oh, I don't get him either.
Marc:I can't stand people that are like, what do you mean?
Marc:You don't like Steely Dan?
Marc:I'm like, not only do I not like it, I just like, shut up.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:We've talked about nothing but horrible bands up here.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Well, Fish and Dave Matthews Band and Steely Dan.
Marc:Let's talk about some good ones.
Marc:I saw Soundgarden the other night.
Marc:They fucking kicked ass all over the place.
Marc:Yeah, they were good.
Guest:Yeah, I mean, that's... The worst part is I worship you, and we started the interview with me giving you shit from the first second.
Guest:It's not fair.
Marc:Look, I just want to say...
Marc:I like what the kids are listening to.
Marc:I listen to the Kings of Leonard, and I listen to... There you go.
Marc:And I enjoy TV on the Telegraph, and... No, dude, I'm just saying, you know, they come back after 15 years, they broke up too soon, they still have the... They broke up too soon.
Guest:They broke up too soon.
Okay.
Marc:Who are your guys?
Marc:Who are my guys?
Marc:Like when you were in high school, like, you know, dude, dude, let's go see Alice in Chains.
Marc:All right.
Marc:But you're going to shit on me for Soundgarden?
Marc:Yeah, because my guy had the integrity to die, Mark.
Marc:A lot of integrity would be laying there rotting with his cat eating him.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:All right, Alice in Chains, that's cool.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Who do you listen to now?
Guest:Now?
Marc:Alice in Chains.
Guest:No.
Guest:No, I went gay.
Guest:You did?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He's gay.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, that's why I love this guy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I just listen to Gabe talk.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, I... It's my favorite band.
Guest:You just call him up and go, do your ass.
Guest:Yeah, just go.
Guest:Just say what you're thinking.
Guest:What was I... Well, the easiest way to answer it, what was I listening to today?
Guest:Oh, Talking Heads.
Guest:I don't listen to anything now.
Guest:What's now?
Guest:You're going to let him condescend to me about Soundgarden and applaud the talking head?
Guest:You know what they did?
Guest:They broke up too soon.
Marc:Well, no, they delivered a lot of good stuff.
Guest:I love the talking hands.
Marc:I haven't listened to them in a long time.
Marc:And I remember seeing the movie Stop Making Sense when it came out.
Marc:Do you remember that, son?
Guest:I remember when that came out, I shit because I was two.
Marc:I want to be open here because in the name of transparency, the only memory of a half of that fucking thing is that I spent the day tripping on mushrooms in Boston and
Marc:And, like, I was coming down from the trip, and I went on a first date with this woman, Sarah, to see the Talking Heads.
Marc:It was a midnight movie, and it was our first date, and I didn't tell her I'd been tripping all day.
Marc:Do you know how many times I've done that?
Marc:Right, I know.
Marc:But that wasn't the problem.
Marc:During the movie, I fell asleep and farted.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:During which song?
Guest:You get the worst diarrhea from mushrooms.
Marc:Why do you shit my pants, Gabe?
Marc:I just farted.
Marc:I woke myself up and I had that moment where I'm like, how loud was that?
Marc:Did she hear it?
Marc:And I started kind of dancing.
Marc:Do you have any good shit your pants stories?
Guest:Yeah, I do.
Guest:Oh, let's bring it.
Guest:Let's do the drunk shit your pants stories.
Guest:Well, what's ironic, I mean, I was a raging alcoholic, but my shit my pants stories, the best ones are dead sober.
Marc:Those are the best times to shit your pants when you can remember it and enjoy it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:When you know it's coming and you just don't, you just sit there and go, well, this is happening.
Marc:You just know you're not going to make it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I literally was on a roll playing Tiger Woods Golf on my Xbox.
Guest:And I was going to have the lowest score I'd ever had.
Guest:In the bathroom, the door was open.
Guest:There was no obstacle.
Guest:I could have just gone.
Guest:And I knew that something was happening.
Guest:And I was like, I can get to the end of the round.
Guest:And I didn't.
Guest:And I shit myself on my couch sober playing video games.
Guest:But guess who shot a 52, motherfucker?
Yeah.
Marc:That's a fucking story of triumph.
Guest:This is... The other time I shit my pants was, uh, I did yoga.
Guest:Yoga shit your pants story!
Guest:Do I win something?
Marc:Yeah, hell yeah.
Marc:Because usually it's just farting and yoga, but you went all out.
Guest:Oh, no, no.
Marc:This is great.
Marc:You do have commitment.
Guest:That's good for you.
Guest:I did yoga, and my body was already like, why did we do that?
Guest:And then my friend was like, let's go get barbecue.
Guest:Let's go to Pies and Thighs, which is in Williamsburg.
Guest:And I was like, yeah, I just came from yoga.
Guest:My body's like, let's eat barbecue, right?
Guest:And my body's like, no, no, no, no, no.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so I went, and I ate barbecue, and in the train from Williamsburg to the East Village, I couldn't make it.
Guest:And I just... Yeah.
Guest:Apparently, you're just so relaxed after yoga.
Guest:I have an eating disorder, I think, worse than yours, Mark.
Guest:We didn't talk about this backstage, but I didn't know you had one, and I have a worse one, I think.
Guest:Like, what's yours?
Guest:Outside of shitting yourself.
Guest:I don't even consider that to be related.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Um...
Guest:My biggest problem is Ben and Jerry's.
Guest:I'll eat two pints before bed.
Marc:Fuck yeah, man.
Marc:I don't do that as much as I used to.
Guest:No, I haven't done it in a couple of weeks.
Marc:When I stop drinking, that'd be it, man.
Guest:Well, that's what happened.
Guest:I quit drinking, and then I would eat like 13 donuts.
Marc:Yeah, and you justified.
Marc:It's like, I ain't drinking.
Marc:I ain't drinking.
Marc:Yeah, fuck that.
Marc:The picture of health.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:Do you ever buy the one pint and then buy a pint of hognath vanilla to cut it?
Marc:Like, you know, to extend the more elaborate flavor.
Marc:I need the vanilla to take the edge off of this, but I'm not going to eat both pints tonight.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You know, that sentence goes in my mind.
Guest:I'll buy two pints and I'll go, I'm not going to eat both of these tonight, but I don't know which one I want, so I'll go home, I'll have one bite of each, and then I'll decide which one I want, and then they're both done before I get home.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:So what are your fucking flavors, bro?
Guest:My favorite is Milk and Cookies.
Guest:And then what's... Oh, I like Peach Cobbler, that one.
Guest:And then I like...
Guest:What's the other one?
Guest:Are we talking about... Oh, your favorite.
Guest:What?
Guest:That's my other favorite.
Guest:Oh.
Marc:You don't fucking jam on Peanut Butter Cup?
Marc:Oh, yeah, Peanut Butter Cup is great!
Marc:Where you dig for the fucking cups?
Marc:Where you're like, fuck it, where's the cup?
Guest:And then you're like, oh, there's like a whole one!
Marc:It's like a fucking whole cup!
Guest:I know.
Guest:It's like, how do they stay in business?
Guest:Oh, fucking awesome.
Guest:Um...
Guest:Can I be honest in the moment?
Guest:When you asked me what my favorite Ben & Jerry's flavors were, and it's you, and you're asking, I, like, froze.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah, I got nervous.
Guest:You thought that, like, what if I answer this wrong?
Guest:No, because it means so much to me, and it's such a dark secret, and I didn't want to get it wrong, and I did.
Guest:What do you mean?
Guest:I still can't think of what my favorite one is.
Guest:I'm losing it right now.
Marc:I hope I don't shit my pants.
Marc:No, I...
Marc:I'm willing to go back and erase peach cobbler.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Who said that?
Marc:I don't know where that came from.
Marc:That was not me.
Marc:I think it was a brain fart, and I think that we can move past it, and let's get into a real flavor that men who need things eat.
Guest:Right, right, right, right.
Guest:It doesn't sound badass, but it is.
Guest:The oatmeal raisin cookie one is so fucking... You hear that?
Marc:That's real emotion.
Marc:That's real emotion from a very small group, and I'm willing... I'll let you have it.
Marc:Okay, I can appreciate it.
Marc:It's so good.
Marc:I just generally go with the fucking peanut butter cup or the mint cookies because then you get to dig for fucking cookies.
Guest:Yeah, anything where there's like a prize.
Marc:I did do Mission to Marzipan a couple times, but I'll do cookies and cream too, but a peanut butter cup is good.
Guest:Oh, that's a good one.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:It's new.
Guest:It's new.
Marc:All right, easy.
Marc:Holy shit, what just happened here?
Guest:I'm excited because I didn't think it was going to be good, and then it was so good.
Guest:Holy fuck.
Guest:I'm feeling your excitement.
Marc:You're literally filling me with excitement.
Guest:Well, I didn't bring this up because I don't care.
Guest:Do you want to talk about... Should we talk about the darkness of why we're like this?
Marc:No, we're having such a good time.
Marc:I mean, unless you can navigate the darkness and guarantee me there's funny at the end.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Where do you want to start?
Guest:No, I can't guarantee that.
Guest:I have credits, by the way, Mark.
Guest:Let's go over those.
Guest:No, that's boring.
Guest:No, let's do it.
Guest:I just did Jimmy Fallon.
Guest:He's on television.
Guest:And I have a half hour special.
Guest:And I've done two stories on This American Life.
Guest:Those were good.
Guest:I enjoyed those.
Guest:And when I first came in here, I thought you were Ira.
Guest:I'm not, I don't mean that to be mean, but you're both very handsome.
Guest:Is he here?
Marc:You know, silver foxes.
Marc:Is Ira here?
Marc:Like he would be.
Marc:I'm just kidding.
Marc:No, he's a horrible thing to do.
Marc:Like, I wonder if my buddy Ira's around.
Marc:Guess he couldn't make it.
Guest:You're not friends with him?
Marc:No, I have his, you know.
Guest:Oh, do you have like a history that I don't know about?
Marc:No, I could contact him.
Marc:But like, you know, when you get people's phone numbers that are clearly like, you know, like Ira Glass.
Marc:And then like, you know, we've talked and he's been on the show and I have his email, but it's sort of like, what am I ever going to do with that?
Marc:Don't you have phone numbers like that?
Marc:I have phone numbers in my phone where I'm like, how do I know when it's okay to call that person without being weird?
Marc:I don't know if it's a self-esteem thing.
Marc:I have Jon Hamm's phone number.
Marc:Whoa.
Marc:There's part of me that wants to be like, so you want to hang out?
Marc:How the fuck am I going to do that?
Marc:How the fuck am I going to call Jon Hamm and go, just wondering if you want to get some Mexican food and not sit there and be like, holy fuck, Don Draper's right there.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Call him right now.
Guest:but i don't think i can but you know what we'll do what you know what we'll do you you call him right and and i'll be like john you don't know me but mark is very nervous to talk to you and he thinks he thinks you don't want to hang out and i really think it would mean a lot to him if you told him how much you want to eat mexican food in a suit
Guest:I can't.
Guest:I'm not afraid of him.
Guest:He's 5'2".
Marc:Let's relax.
Marc:I just don't... That's what you have to do.
Guest:Just start shitting on him in your head and then he's not a big deal.
Marc:I don't know him well enough.
Marc:I couldn't even get my friend Louie to answer the phone.
Marc:No.
Marc:No.
Marc:Look at you guys.
Marc:Okay, I'll text him and we'll continue talking.
Guest:Text him and if he calls, you have to answer.
Marc:What the fuck am I going to text him?
Marc:Doing a live show.
Marc:Miss you.
Marc:XOXO.
Marc:I'm being bullied by the audience to call you.
Marc:Are you good with that?
Marc:Why don't we try Adam Abba?
Marc:Would you settle for Adam Felber?
Guest:Say, I'm being bullied by my audience, WWDD.
Marc:Anyways, I could get Al Lubell on the phone in a second.
Marc:Only four people know about that.
Marc:Do you have Chris Cornell's number?
Marc:No, I don't.
Marc:I don't have his number.
Marc:I'm trying to think if I have.
Marc:I don't really have a very good Rolodex.
Marc:No, there's no one here, Amy Poehler.
Marc:Oh, I can get Andy Kinler.
Marc:I'll call Andy Kinler.
Marc:All right.
Guest:But hold on.
Guest:You have to call him and tell him it's because you're afraid to call the person you really wanted to call.
Guest:All right.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Wait, hold on.
Guest:Let's see.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Let's see if he answers.
Guest:Ooh, that's good.
Shh.
Guest:Hi, this is Andy.
Guest:And this is my new cell phone.
Guest:I mean, you can't tell it's new, but take my word for it.
Guest:No, don't take my word for it.
Guest:It's your call.
Guest:Are you leaving a message?
Marc:His voicemail is neurotic.
Marc:Andy, it's Marc Maron.
Marc:I just played your message for 400 people at the Bell House in Brooklyn.
Guest:His outgoing message just killed harder than his special.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:You hung up, right?
Guest:Yeah, I did.
Marc:Julian McCullough, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh.
Marc:All right, we're moving.
Marc:We're happening.
Marc:My next guest is a wonderful comedy actress.
Marc:You may have known her from her work on Back in the Day, Exit 57 on Comedy Central.
Marc:Please welcome Jody Lennon to the stage.
Marc:And my neighbor, this is Jody Lennon.
Marc:She lived downstairs from me in Astoria.
Astoria.
Marc:And she now lives downstairs from Leo Allen.
Guest:What?
Guest:Who?
Marc:Huh?
Marc:I'm getting all gangsta on, y'all.
Marc:What's going on over there at the apartment?
Marc:Anything weird?
Guest:There's tons of weird stuff going on.
Marc:So much weird shit has happened there when we were there.
Guest:You know what?
Guest:You moved out, and now everything's awesome.
Marc:Do you remember the weird lady in the nun's outfit who jumped off the roof?
Guest:We had like three people who committed suicide while you were living there and now people are like having babies and growing vegetables.
Marc:Is that woman who talks like this still alive?
Guest:The walking cigarette?
Guest:She is still alive.
Guest:It's shocking.
Marc:Okay, let me just explain to you.
Marc:Jody and I lived in this fucking apartment that was owned by this guy who was a Dominican dentist, all right?
Marc:The reason we call him the Dominican dentist is that's all he fucking said.
Marc:He would say, I'm a Dominican dentist.
Marc:And he worked out way too much, and he was like about this tall, but he was about this wide, and he had no neck.
Guest:He was like four feet by four feet.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And he would sometimes dye his hair colors, okay?
Guest:No, it was amazing.
Guest:It was like a disguise kit.
Guest:Like, he would have, like, a Caesar cut one day, and then, like, a mullet the next day, and, like, blonde, curly locks, Goldilocks the next day.
Marc:Yeah, he was crazy, and he knew nothing about owning or managing an apartment.
Marc:He just kept talking about how he made money in Dominican Republic, but now he couldn't be a dentist here until he went back to dentist school, which he did, and eventually opened an office in the building.
Guest:But I remember the day... Underneath my apartment, and P.S., I got cancer.
Guest:Ugh.
Guest:Ugh.
Ugh.
Guest:I got cancer, and I wondered if it was from the dentist.
Guest:He was doing x-rays and stuff below us.
Marc:Did you ever ask him?
Guest:No, should I?
Guest:Is that something I could go to the city with?
Guest:We're very protected.
Guest:New York City, all those renters are very protected.
Guest:In case you didn't know, I'm here for a 101 on how we're all protected rent-wise.
Marc:Well, let's talk about the cancer, because I remember when you had cancer, and you told me, you're like, I have cancer, and I, of course, went, oh, well, good luck.
Marc:I don't know how I handled it, but I tried to handle it well.
Guest:You handled it really well, and I heard about your hour-long mouth cancer scare.
Guest:And how you had cancer and beat it in an hour.
Guest:Congratulations to you.
Guest:I had it for two years.
Guest:And a year later, I'm cancer-free.
Guest:So good for me.
Guest:Woo!
Guest:But like, I'm married.
Guest:You know Stoli, my awesome husband.
Marc:They're a very cute couple.
Marc:He plays guitar.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And we're like the successful relationship in our building.
Guest:I went through two with this one.
Guest:You know, two marriages.
Marc:And then some... And cats.
Marc:She helped me trap the original cats.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Guest:We'll get back to that.
Guest:But, yeah, so Stoli and I, like, I used to do this thing with Stoli.
Guest:You know, as one does, they screw around with a relationship.
Guest:And I used to, like, pretend I was going to die.
Guest:I was dead.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:To see how he would react.
Guest:Like, I would, like, wade in the bathtub...
Guest:And then, you know, like lovers do, they check in and say, like, how's it going in the bathtub?
Guest:And, like, I'd be floating.
Guest:Dead.
Guest:To see how he'd react.
Marc:And how did he react?
Yeah.
Guest:He'd be like, oh, are you okay?
Guest:But I was like the... And then I took it to the living room, and I'd lay, legs akimbo, ass exposed, and just be dead on the floor in the living room.
Guest:Be like, oh, my God.
Guest:The apartment's been ransacked.
Guest:And she's been ass-raged.
Guest:And she's dead.
Guest:She's not moving.
Marc:He was saying this out loud?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like I could hear inside his brain what was happening.
Guest:Oh, let me see how my wife is doing.
Guest:And then I'd be like, oh, I'm fucking around.
Guest:Did you think I was dead?
Guest:And so like I was the kid who cried wolf and then I got cancer and I had to call him and say like, I've got cancer.
Guest:He's like, oh, fuck you.
Guest:You're fucking around.
Yeah.
Guest:And I'm like, no, seriously, I have cancer.
Guest:I have cancer.
Guest:I'm at the doctor.
Guest:I have cancer.
Guest:I've been diagnosed.
Marc:It's scary.
Guest:But the second I got chemo, because I was sick for so long, the second I got chemo, I felt like a new person.
Guest:I was awesome on chemo.
Guest:You liked it?
Guest:Yeah, I loved it.
Guest:Did you lose all your hair because I wasn't here?
Guest:I was like, juice me up.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was bald.
Guest:And I was one of those people who listened to your podcast.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I was like, oh, I'm the cancer person who listens to your podcast because you have lots of those.
Guest:Right?
Marc:I have people in different phases of trouble.
Guest:You try to find stuff that's not going to be like, people are like, are you checking out Breaking Bad?
Guest:Or the C word or Brian song or whatever.
Guest:I'm like, no.
Guest:I'm watching HGTV's International Homes and listening to your podcast.
Guest:And it totally took me to another place.
Guest:So I helped?
Guest:You cured me of cancer.
Marc:It was my pleasure, Jody.
Marc:It was my pleasure to do that.
Marc:And I am happy I was able to be there for you.
Marc:Because I don't know if I was your neighbor.
Marc:But when I saw you, you were always very chipper about it.
Marc:And I think that must have had something to do with it.
Marc:Do you believe that your state of mind had anything to do with it?
Guest:It seems like I'm a chipper person, right?
Marc:Well, no, but when you were in it, you were like, you were still sort of like completely, you know, hopeful.
Marc:You weren't drained or like in a dark place.
Guest:No.
Guest:Like I'm fucked or anything like that.
Guest:Seriously, chemo felt awesome because I was sick for so long.
Marc:But did you have it a long time and not know you had it?
Guest:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:You weren't diagnosed?
Guest:I was like misdiagnosed for a really long time.
Guest:Like I was walking around like, I'm sick.
Guest:I'm tired.
Guest:I was like a fainting ghost.
Marc:I remember you thought you were anemic.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yes, I was a fainting goat.
Guest:I was taking naps all the time.
Guest:I'm like, this is getting older.
Guest:This is what it's about.
Guest:And you were like 35.
Guest:I'm like, oh, I'm going to take a nap here.
Guest:Like seriously, if I, yeah, I just thought it was like getting older.
Marc:I can't get up.
Marc:That must mean I'm 33.
Guest:I'm like, I'm 80 pounds and I need to take a nap everywhere.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Which is the opposite of you, because I heard you thought you had cancer no matter what.
Guest:Quickly, you thought you had cancer.
Marc:I looked at my mouth, and there were things in my mouth.
Marc:It felt like the right place to go for me.
Guest:I'm the opposite.
Guest:I was like, I'm not sick.
Guest:I was talking my doctors out of it.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:They had the test in front of you.
Guest:That's a bad doctor, by the way.
Guest:You're like, it's not cancer.
Guest:He's like, all right.
I know.
Guest:I was like, I have a really fast metabolism.
Guest:It's okay that I weigh 80 pounds.
Guest:And I'm exhausted all the time.
Guest:What kind of cancer was it?
Guest:It was Hodgkin's, which I know everybody knows is like the non-cancer cancer.
Guest:I don't think everyone knows.
Guest:Yeah, everybody just went, oh, fucking Hodgkin's.
Guest:These fucking hipsters.
Marc:That's bullshit.
Marc:I thought she had real cancer.
Marc:Which was...
Guest:Well, Michael C. Hall had that, which was also a reason I didn't want to watch Dexter.
Guest:I didn't want to watch anything, basically.
Guest:I listened to your podcast, and I watched HGTV.
Marc:And you're better, and that's great to know.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:But can we just talk about how we found your cats?
Marc:Yeah, okay, we'll do that.
Guest:Because it's so crazy.
Marc:Okay, because you've got to refresh my memory.
Marc:In my memory, I was the hero and there was no one else involved.
Guest:Okay, I was involved.
Guest:It was the Republican National Convention.
Guest:Squash, he knows nothing.
Guest:But it was the Republican National Convention.
Marc:And I was doing morning radio, so I was sweep-deprived and was fucking crazy.
Marc:And we were going to cover it, the Republican, the night before.
Guest:Yeah, and you were like cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Guest:And it was like 2004, and that was the big Republican National Convention.
Guest:We were fighting the good fight.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And so there were those feral cats behind our building near the garbage cans.
Guest:Five of the little ones and the mother, yeah.
Guest:And I was painting my bathroom, listening to the radio, Air America, of course.
Guest:And you came knocking at the door, and you're like...
Guest:do you want to catch these feral cats that are near the garbage cans?
Guest:And I go, yes.
Guest:And then you go, okay, I'll be right back.
Guest:And you come back down, and you had a box, like a piece of bluefish, and a hawk glove.
Guest:So...
Guest:We put the box, the open box, the piece of bluefish in the box, and then we leave it, and he has the hawk glove.
Guest:And we watch from the window, and like two feral cats go in.
Guest:And then he comes out and he's like, oh, it's like the most masculine I've ever seen you.
Guest:And you're like, oh, like hot glove.
Guest:And you close up the box and then we take them up to your apartment and then immediately it's like a releasing squirrels.
Guest:Yeah, it was horrible.
Guest:In your apartment.
Guest:It was horrible.
Guest:They ran.
Guest:One went behind your stove.
Marc:One tried to get out the window.
Guest:Yeah, behind the screen.
Guest:They were jumping, and it was crazy.
Marc:Yeah, it was fucking nuts.
Guest:And so I go, okay, I'll see you later.
Guest:And then I went down to the apartment.
Guest:I start painting again, and then you knock again.
Guest:You're like, you want to get the other three?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I go, yeah.
Guest:And so then we do the same thing.
Guest:We get the other cats.
Marc:Yeah, there were two more.
Marc:One I didn't get.
Guest:Yeah, two.
Guest:You didn't get one.
Marc:Yeah, I didn't get one.
Guest:I had enough.
Guest:Who knows what happened to that other cat?
Marc:Yeah, I don't know.
Guest:So we got the other two.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:And they were released into your apartment.
Guest:Fucking nuts.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Fucking nuts.
I know.
Guest:And so we get those and we release them.
Marc:Yeah, in the apartment.
Guest:And then I just like basically said, see you later.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Guest:And then your apartment became like a human.
Guest:It was just like a cat box.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But then those like I started talking about the radio and all those cat people started giving me cages and stuff.
Marc:And I was separating them and I had like two cat cages.
Marc:And then these cats would like I tried to let them out and I tried to make them like me and they wouldn't like me and it upset me.
Marc:But then I just got to the point where they wouldn't leave the house.
Marc:I could no longer get them out because they were in and they were afraid to go out.
Marc:So then I just had to be like, I'm just closing my bedroom door and we'll see what happens.
Marc:They fucked up my whole house.
Marc:Do you remember that?
Marc:They fucked up your whole house.
Marc:They ripped up every piece of furniture I had.
Marc:It was almost like they would all be hiding.
Marc:I'd go to bed and it was like a cat fucking party.
Marc:And then I opened the door and they'd all be gone and then the couch would be gutted.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was a mess.
Marc:I still have two of them still.
Marc:Monkey and LaFonda.
Guest:Good for you.
Marc:Jody Lennon, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Oh, shit.
Marc:I don't mean to interrupt again, but I just want to plug myself.
Marc:I would be remiss if I did not.
Marc:I will be at the Punchline in San Francisco this week, November 2nd through the 5th.
Marc:That's Wednesday through Saturday.
Marc:You can go get tickets wherever you get tickets for the Punchline.
Marc:I'll be in Seattle at the Neptune Theater November 25th.
Marc:That's going to be a big show.
Marc:Please come to that show.
Marc:And look, I'm going to do this for Jody Lennon.
Marc:who you just heard on this show that you're listening to right now, her screening in Chicago of the documentary I was in, which is The Voice of Something.
Marc:It's her short doc that she made of me the week after 9-11.
Marc:It's going to be screening at the Annoyance Theater in Chicago, November 8th and 9th.
Marc:You can go to JodyLennon.com for information on that.
Marc:That's J-O-D-I-L-E-N-N-O-N if you want to see that film.
Marc:Okay, back to the show.
Marc:Sorry, sorry.
Marc:Is Scott back there?
Marc:Oh, he is.
Marc:This is very exciting.
Marc:From 30 Rock, Scott Adsit, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:I think.
Marc:Oh, God.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:You're from television.
Marc:Hi.
Hi.
Marc:That's nice to see you.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Yeah, I never have had anyone come from that side.
Guest:I was at the bar.
Marc:Oh, I see.
Marc:So you didn't know you were coming up.
Guest:I didn't know what the order was.
Guest:I got here late.
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:Well, we knew that was going to happen.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you have a beard, and you look different, and this is the first time I've met you, and it's very exciting to see the texture of your face and to see who you are.
Guest:I'm three-dimensional.
Guest:What do you think of... I like all of it.
Marc:I like all of it, and you keep the baldness even off the show.
Guest:That is a character choice.
Marc:Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Guest:I play a loser, a bald loser on TV.
Guest:And I really had to make that decision.
Guest:Because when I got there, they said, you're too attractive.
Guest:We need you to get a little doughier and shave your head every day.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you just stuck with it.
Guest:I think I look more attractive this way.
Marc:Yeah, I do.
Marc:I think you look great.
Marc:Now, can I ask you a general question?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:Because I've been on the outskirts of show business for a long time.
Guest:Who are you again?
Guest:I'm Mark Maron.
Marc:It's my show, yeah.
Marc:And where did you come from?
Guest:Well, funny you should mention that.
Guest:I came from a vagina that's right over there.
Guest:Your mother's here?
Guest:My mother's here.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:With my sister and my nephew, Alex, who is going to be 15 in October.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Look what you made.
Guest:That's amazing.
Guest:So you got the whole family?
Guest:I think it's great that they're all here to find out everyone's different terms for cock.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Where do you stand on that?
Guest:Ah, well, I agree with Alex in saying that I think cock is a stronger word to use.
Guest:I think that says power.
Guest:That's brief and tough.
Guest:It's like a punch.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And dick.
Guest:Yeah, that's gay.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Dick is what flops around when you do jumping jacks.
Guest:Yeah, exactly.
Guest:That's the whole point.
Marc:So are you somewhere in the middle?
Marc:I mean, which one do you... How do you refer to what you have?
Guest:I think... And I think my mom will agree with this, too.
Guest:That a cock is an erect penis and a dick is a flaccid penis.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Mom, can we get agreement on that?
Marc:Okay.
Marc:She said absolutely.
Okay.
Guest:I feel uncomfortable with that.
Marc:Your mom must be very proud of you, because I didn't know a lot of your work before, and you're great on the show, and you're very funny, and you seem to be at an age where I have to assume you've been doing this a while.
Guest:I have.
Guest:I worked in Chicago theater for a long time, and eventually got a job at Second City, where I was suddenly termed a comedian, which I never really considered myself.
Guest:And I worked there, and that was a...
Guest:one of the two paying gigs in Chicago as an actor.
Marc:Did you know each other?
Marc:She was in Chicago.
Guest:Yeah, we knew each other.
Marc:Did you do improv together and stuff?
Marc:A couple times, but not very often.
Guest:I feel like this is the first time I've looked you in the eyes.
Guest:That's because I'm not a very good improviser.
Guest:Oh, no!
Guest:No, that's a lie.
Guest:He's a great improviser.
Guest:You're supposed to always say yes.
Guest:I think I'm supposed to say yes, aunt.
Thank you.
Marc:uh we knew each other we were in certain circles but jody was very hip oh back in the day she still is and uh and i don't know i think you were you were like one of the cool kids and i felt like less cool so what determined whether or not an improvising click was cool or not cool like what did one like just do i'm just trying to figure out really you're talking tallest midget now i think
Marc:I was hoping that didn't come out in my tone, but... So there were actually cool improvisers that were like, man, they're using shit no one's ever heard of.
Guest:They said cock.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:They got real cool dicks.
Marc:So how... Do you... Do you feel like you were rescued?
Guest:From what?
Guest:Obscurity?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Um...
Guest:I was, I'll tell you, I was a local hero.
Marc:You were, okay.
Guest:In Chicago, I think, I think.
Marc:So everyone, so these people, that was you.
Marc:My mother agrees.
Marc:That was your mother, yeah.
Guest:And I worked with Tina Fey and Rachel Drash and Adam McKay on stage.
Marc:Oh, so you were in that crew.
Marc:That sounds like a pretty fucking hip crew.
Guest:I hooked up with people who became very successful and could hire me, which I suggest.
Right.
Guest:And Tina left our show to go write for SNL, and she was like, you know, the kid writer who then, like, I think a year and a half later, she was the head writer.
Marc:But was there a moment where, like, when she left, you were like, you know, so out or anything like that?
Marc:Or anger?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:No, no.
Guest:Everybody... That would be the other word for it.
Guest:It's not...
Guest:We're all pulling for each other at Second City.
Guest:It used to be that way, though.
Marc:Did you hear that, Julian?
Marc:That's a lie.
Marc:No, but comics don't do that shit.
Guest:I mean, it's... Second City, I believe, is a...
Guest:It's an ensemble.
Guest:We train to support each other.
Guest:Like each other and be supportive.
Guest:We should do that.
Guest:I always say comics don't have friends.
Guest:We just have guys we don't begrudge their success.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But you guys all were very excited for her.
Guest:Oh, absolutely.
Marc:That's great.
Marc:And I'm really not trying to be condescending.
Marc:Because I try to project my own self onto someone else.
Guest:I could never take anything you say as condescension.
Yeah.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:For those of you just listening to the podcast, that was a very long take.
Marc:So you're just nobody that is in Chicago.
Guest:So I was in Chicago, and then I was hired by Barry Levinson to write a pilot for him with Stephen Colbert and still my writing partner, Dino Stamatopoulos.
Marc:Oh, so you did... That's right, you did Moral Oral.
Marc:Right, and we're doing Frankenhole now.
Marc:But you... You're kidding me, really?
Marc:Yes, we are.
Marc:I've had Dino on my show.
Marc:I've known Dino for years.
Marc:I don't know that we've ever met each other, but Dino is definitely pushing the envelope on a lot of levels.
Marc:And you seem to be pretty on this level.
Guest:I mean, I don't know you well.
Guest:We're very close friends, and we are opposites, yeah.
Marc:Okay, so that works out.
Marc:Do you find yourself, you know, like, Dino, sit down, stop it, put the Coke spoon down, wait, don't unbondage yourself.
Marc:Why are we... He's cool with this.
Marc:We talked about it on the show.
Guest:He...
Guest:No, I mean, I respect him so much creatively, and we spent so much time when we were absolutely stone broke, just wandering around Chicago.
Guest:He had an apartment with a mattress and a computer.
Guest:And a bag of Oreida fries in the freezer.
Guest:That was it.
Guest:And so we would spend a few hours in his place writing or composing or whatever.
Guest:And then we'd go out on the street.
Guest:He had a guitar too.
Guest:And we would wander to Alfresco restaurants and pretend like we worked at the restaurant and say, would you like to hear a song?
Guest:And then they would say, sure, any requests?
Guest:And they would say, like, you know, MacArthur Park.
Guest:And then we would sing a song that we wrote.
Guest:And there would be this moment in the first few seconds where they realized we're not singing the right song.
Guest:And then they'd look confused.
Guest:And then they'd get that we were doing something funny.
Guest:And then it would last too long.
Guest:And then we'd wait for a tip.
Marc:And he wouldn't leave until they gave you one.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You were terrorizing people.
Marc:We would just start another song.
Marc:And when you write with him, I mean, how much time do you spend shooting the show?
Guest:Which one?
Marc:30 Rock.
Marc:30 Rock.
Guest:It's like nine months of shooting.
Marc:And that's like a lot of shooting.
Marc:I mean, that's a complicated show, right?
Guest:Yeah, it's a single camera thing.
Guest:It's like shooting a movie every week.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And when you work with Dino, what, do you take like a week or two off and you lock yourself up?
Marc:Or how does that work?
Guest:Well, Dino's in California, so now I'm kind of removed.
Guest:I'll write something at my place and send it to him, and he'll rewrite it and send it to me, and I'll rewrite that and send it to him.
Guest:And on Franken-Hole, I'm working a lot less closely on the production end of it, just because I'm not in town.
Guest:With Oral, we were just eating, drinking, shitting it.
Marc:Getting into it.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Now, when you do 30 Rock, another question that I have.
Marc:I don't know why I felt like I needed to say that.
Marc:You guys have become like this well-oiled machine.
Marc:I mean, the timing is fucking amazing.
Guest:30 Rock?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:On 30 Rock, do you... Oh, okay.
Marc:Is there any improvising?
Guest:Well, I'll tell you, the writers are the stars of that show, to tell you the truth.
Guest:And when we get the scripts, they're beautiful, and we kind of do a table read where the staff and the production crew and the executives get to hear it out loud, and the writers especially get to hear it out loud.
Guest:And then they will see what worked and what didn't, and then they'll go rewrite.
Guest:And then we've got this perfect little gift of a script that we don't really need to play with, because it's...
Guest:It's a very writerly show.
Guest:Right.
Guest:The jokes are very precise.
Guest:They're like lasers.
Marc:30 Rock.
Guest:No.
Guest:What are we talking about?
Guest:30 Rock.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:And so we'll change the way we get into a scene or the way we get out of a scene.
Guest:Maybe.
Guest:And we'll have a great time kind of like playing with the end of a scene where Tina and I think it's some funny joke or whatever, and then it's just edited out.
Guest:Because they write...
Guest:They write more than we need.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And so there's all these amazing jokes and concepts, and we read it, and the shooting script is like 45 minutes long.
Guest:The writers know how to write for all of us, and Tina especially knows how to write for Alec and find the voice of Jack Donaghy and found it so quickly.
Guest:And he then takes that, which reads so funny when the writers are reading it to each other.
Guest:He takes that and he gives it a spin that is original.
Guest:That's the thing about it.
Guest:I've never seen that character before.
Guest:And it's all in his pauses.
Guest:He's genius.
Guest:I was just laughing and thinking about it.
Guest:Is this 30 Rock?
Guest:Yeah, we're talking about 30 Rock.
Okay.
Guest:I was talking about Beetlejuice.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Well, I am thrilled for your success, and I love watching the show, and you're great on it.
Guest:Thank you very much.
Marc:Scott Atsu, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Can we move down?
Marc:Can you hang out?
Marc:Oh, cool.
Marc:Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome from Weekend Update on SNL, Seth Meyers...
Guest:Were you all right back there?
Guest:Were you okay?
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Seth Meyers is here.
Guest:It's great to be here.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:It's so exciting to see a space that you've only heard on a podcast.
Guest:It's great space, isn't it?
Guest:It's a great space.
Guest:It's quiet and everyone's excited.
Guest:No, it's excellent.
Guest:I'm very excited about it.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:It's nice to see you.
Marc:It's great to be here.
Marc:I'm so glad we made this work.
Marc:I am too.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Good night, ladies and gentlemen.
Guest:Good night.
Guest:I made it very clear.
Guest:I would only appear.
Guest:I did not want to speak.
Marc:Did you guys know each other?
Guest:I did.
Guest:Well, I knew of Scott more than we knew.
Guest:We know each other better now.
Guest:You knew of him?
Guest:Well, I used to see him at Second City.
Marc:He was a legend.
Guest:I don't want to speak too highly.
Guest:Most importantly, I don't want it to count against my time talking about how great Scott was in Chicago.
Guest:But...
Guest:I went to Northwestern and was an improviser, and we used to see... When I finished school, we'd see Scott, and he was as good an improviser I've ever seen and currently see.
Guest:You started doing theater at Northwestern?
Guest:I did improv at Northwestern.
Guest:I was a film major.
Guest:I wasn't a theater major.
Marc:Because oddly, there's a TA who was in one... Is Tim Anderson here?
Marc:Tim?
Marc:Now, Tim, you were a TA for Seth?
Marc:Just once?
Guest:In what class?
Marc:A what class?
Marc:Chuck Kleinhans.
Guest:Okay, yeah.
Guest:I mean, again, I was... He was embarrassed because he asked me, do you remember your TA?
Guest:And before he said Tim Anderson, I was like, there's no way I'm going to remember.
Guest:It could be any name.
Guest:I was a terrible student.
Guest:I was a terrible student.
Marc:I remember you.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:It's like the worst version of This Is Your Life ever.
Guest:I know.
Guest:Do you remember this guy?
Guest:A lot of setup.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:A lot of setup, and you're still like, no.
Guest:You've got nothing.
Guest:If I have to be honest, I don't.
Marc:So you were shitty in college?
Guest:I was just like, I just wasn't a great student.
Guest:Yeah, and what did you study, though?
Guest:Radio, TV, film.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:The first thing was like, I wanted to make movies, and then you show up, and you realize how much of movies is like science.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:like how much of it is like oh this is like work yeah it's work and it's like how much of it is lighting and it's just like you're like this sucks when do i get to go cut yeah no and even then i also was like i mean i went to college from 92 to 96 so we like actually cut film on like like we were like the last era before digital yeah it was the worst it was like while we were like learning how to use the machines they were like throwing them away
Guest:So I truly believe it's the worst.
Guest:I went to the college at the worst time because it was like after AIDS but before the internet.
Guest:It's literally the worst.
Guest:It's the most sexually frustrated.
Guest:It's no wonder we listen to grunge and tied shirts around our waist.
Marc:There's nothing else to do.
Guest:It was like, oh, were you doing cocaine?
Guest:No, that was out of vogue.
Guest:We were smoking weed without the internet.
Guest:You had to have fine friends with fun VHS tapes.
Guest:It sucked.
Guest:Oh, were you in New York or LA?
Guest:No, I was in the Midwest.
Guest:Yeah, it was bad.
Guest:Did you grow up there?
Guest:No, I grew up in New Hampshire.
Guest:I was born there.
Guest:My parents actually met and fell in love at Northwestern.
Guest:I grew up in New England and then I ended up going to school there.
Marc:Oh, New England.
Guest:Southern New Hampshire.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So my dad worked in Boston for, like, 25 years.
Marc:Oh, did you ever go back to Boston?
Guest:I do, but it's that thing of, like, I'm a fan of Boston sports, but I don't know anything about Boston.
Guest:Like, people are like, I'm going to Boston.
Guest:Where should I go?
Guest:I'm like, I have no idea.
Guest:Like, I only went to, like, Fenway Park.
Guest:That's the only place I ever went.
Marc:I went to school there, and I never go back.
Guest:I don't know why.
Guest:I just can't go back there.
Guest:It's not, I will say, it's not a...
Guest:I mean, again, and like, I think New England people would admit to this.
Guest:It's not a warm place to go back to.
Guest:Like I go back to Chicago where I'm not, I'm like technically from, but don't consider I grew up and like people there are like real nice.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But like in New England, you get that less.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:There's something, there's some sort of like, there's some type of townie there.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Everywhere.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's, and it's a little difficult to sort of, you're not even sure you want them to like you.
Marc:Right.
Guest:And I come from, like, suburbia New England, and there's still a kind of townie there.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Who's like, oh, I guess you had to leave, huh?
Guest:Like, you're like, yeah, I did.
Marc:Yeah, sorry.
Marc:Now, what is it about Chicago?
Marc:Because there's three people, and I talk to a lot of people.
Marc:Like, Chicago is, like, redefined comedy.
Marc:I mean, Chicago is where it all comes from now.
Guest:Yes, yes, yes.
Guest:Chicago has redefined comedy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But do you just attribute that it's all about Second City?
Guest:I think Second City was like the sun that all the other planet theaters rotated around.
Guest:I think because there was Second City, there were too many people to work at Second City, so other theaters popped up.
Guest:Yeah, and that used to be the case.
Guest:Then Second City started franchising and opening up in Cleveland and Detroit.
Marc:Did you have to do those runs, though?
Marc:Did you do the road shows for Second City?
Guest:I toured.
Guest:and did the best of Second City on the road to colleges and clubs and things like that.
Guest:And that was great education and all that, but that was before they had other franchises across the country.
Guest:And so in those days, people would come from all over the country to Mecca to improvise.
Guest:And then they started having little Mecca juniors all over the place, and people would go to those and stay near home.
Guest:And so...
Guest:I think it's kind of become watered down.
Guest:It has spread out, and now they have cruise ship.
Guest:That's the thing.
Guest:Second City has staff.
Guest:But that's not a sweet gig.
Guest:It's a sweet gig financially, which is the worst kind of sweet gig.
Guest:It pays better than being in Chicago.
Marc:I know, but you've got to be on a boat and doing the improv games on the boat for old people.
Guest:But they do one show a week.
Guest:I feel like it's...
Guest:I just talked to a guy who is on a ship, and he is doing, I think, seven shows a week, and one of them is the best of Second City.
Guest:Two of them are what he called scriptless shows, which are improvised, which means games, like Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Guest:And then... See, but what's a good kind of improv, though?
Guest:But then they do a mystery night.
Guest:No.
Guest:Yes, like a Tony and Tina.
Marc:Who killed Tony and Tina?
Guest:That's a nightmare.
Marc:I love this, like three improvisers going, oh, not that.
Guest:With that said, I understand.
Guest:I was in Chicago as a non-working improviser.
Guest:I could understand a boat having an allure.
Guest:It is like, you will pay you and you'll get to see the world.
Guest:I don't want to... See the world?
Marc:But what if you do a shitty night show?
Marc:Then you've got to wake up and like, hey, there's your audience.
Marc:Wandering around the boat.
Marc:You see them at the buffet line.
Guest:I don't think anyone cares about the judgment of cruise ship people, do they?
Guest:No.
Guest:Maybe they do.
Marc:My mom goes on a lot of cruises.
Marc:So you never did much of that road shit then?
Guest:Not as an improv.
Guest:I mean, I, well, I went on the road.
Guest:So I finished Northwestern and then some Chicago guy started a theater in Amsterdam called Boom Chicago.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Which was like a second city-ish type show in Amsterdam.
Guest:So I lived in Amsterdam for two years right after college.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How was that?
Guest:It was the best.
Guest:It's like, it was the best life can ever be.
Guest:Like, I'm very aware that, like, things are good now, but I, like, miss those days.
Marc:Like, when you're being nostalgic, you're sitting in Amsterdam.
Guest:I'm sitting in Amsterdam.
Guest:Is that a replacement for your college debauchery?
Guest:No, college was, I was debaucherous in college, and then, like, Amsterdam was just, like, an awesome time to just, like, I felt like it was, like, a time before life started.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Once I came back here, my life started, and I started to have all those fears.
Guest:But I had two years in Amsterdam where I felt like all the corners were childproofed.
Guest:I couldn't break my head open on anything.
Guest:And it was awesome.
Guest:And I went out there with great people, and I'd never had a passport before I got that job, and I got to travel, and I really liked it.
Marc:And now you got the job.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's a good job.
Marc:I love it.
Marc:How'd you start over there?
Marc:How'd that happen?
Guest:I came back from Amsterdam.
Guest:I was doing a two-person show in Chicago, and I got lucky that somebody saw it.
Guest:And so I auditioned.
Guest:I sent in an audition tape.
Guest:Six months later, I sent in another audition tape.
Guest:Like two months after that, I actually came in and did the audition, and I got hired.
Guest:And how was that first meeting with Lorne?
Guest:It was crazy, because I was in L.A.
Guest:at the time.
Guest:They flew out, and I met with Lorne.
Guest:And I remember Lorne saying to me... Because, again, the crazy thing about meeting Lorne is you have so many feelings about Lorne, and he has a million of these meetings.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:For you, it's like this crazy... There's another clown.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Like, you feel like your muscles.
Guest:You feel like, oh, I don't usually do this with my hand.
Guest:Why is my hand on this knee?
Guest:And he's just like, yes.
Marc:Look at him squirm.
Guest:But I remember him saying, like, this is after I audition.
Guest:He was like, do you think you can live in New York?
Guest:And I remember thinking, who blows it at this point?
Guest:Like...
Guest:Like, who says, oh, is it in New York?
Guest:Well, I would need to think about it if it's in New York.
Guest:But I've realized years later that, like, it's kind of, you know, after you audition and go through that, like, it's kind of like, he just kind of wants to, like, personality vet you a little bit and see if you're... Because he does, you know, I think, live by that thing of, like, you know, you want somebody you're cool with working with, so...
Guest:So really, it's a matter of whether or not he can jive with... I think if he's already decided... I mean, I realize now that he had decided, like, oh, this guy is... I want this guy to work here, and, like, let's just make sure.
Guest:Let's talk to him for 20 minutes before we... Yeah, I have a friend who did extremely well.
Guest:She's a great improviser, great character actress, and blew it at dinner because she was a little crazy.
Guest:With Lauren, she went to dinner with... Yeah, she felt comfortable enough to be herself.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I find that never works.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Unless you're in your garage doing a podcast.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was, like, being the sim version of myself.
Guest:I was, like, what?
Guest:Like, I felt like I was inside myself controlling the robot version of myself.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But how do you feel?
Guest:Like, you mean she went, like, come on, this is SNL.
Guest:I feel like I heard this story.
Guest:She offered...
Guest:I heard someone... I don't know the same story.
Guest:We'll talk later.
Guest:I heard this story about somebody being okay.
Guest:Wait, like, cock or dick has to be the punchline of this, right?
Marc:So you both know who you're talking about.
Guest:Is she okay?
Marc:I don't know if... Is she good now?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But I don't know.
Guest:We later, we never... I want to stress, we could very possibly be talking about... Now, you get along with him now.
Marc:See, I'm sort of fascinated with it because I went through a series of meetings I don't need to talk about again.
Marc:Obviously, I'm not, you know, on the show.
Marc:So...
Marc:I've had Hayter and Armisen sitting right here.
Marc:Wow, really?
Marc:Yeah, they were right here.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:We came on the wrong night.
Guest:We've arrived.
Marc:But they both have this dynamic with him that seems very specific.
Marc:And do you have one of those?
Guest:I do.
Guest:I think I have a different, I mean, I obviously listen to that.
Guest:I feel like I have a different dynamic.
Guest:He is so delighted when people work on the show.
Guest:Like, I think he loves that.
Marc:You mean, like, actually do work?
Guest:No, like, when the audience goes for them.
Guest:Like, I think his joy in, like, Fred and Hader is, like, as much a joy as he could have for, like... I mean, obviously, he has children.
Guest:He's proud of them.
Guest:But he... No, he is.
Guest:I don't want to say, like, he's as proud of them as he is of his kids.
Guest:Are they okay?
Guest:They're great.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How old are they now?
Guest:I want to say they're somewhere between, like, 18 and 13.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:Or 20 and 13.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:One of them's in college.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:Um...
Guest:I feel bad that I brought up his kids.
Guest:But I was about to say, I feel like he couldn't be more proud of credibility.
Guest:You know, I've had a longer path with him and a weirder path.
Marc:Did you start as a writer?
Guest:I started as a cast member.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:At which point I felt instantly miscast.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was like, oh, they've made a crazy mistake.
Guest:But I wrote a lot as a cast member, and I wrote a lot for other people, and so when Tina left, they made me... Or Tina's last year, they made me a writing supervisor, and then when Tina left, they promoted me to head writer with Andrew Steele.
Guest:Can I ask you a question?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Your audition for Lauren, what was your impression?
Guest:My impressions were... This dates me to my 2001 audition, but I did Hugh Grant...
Guest:Russell Crowe and David Arquette.
Guest:And I wasn't, when they called me, they were like... Can you still do David Arquette?
Guest:I can't.
Guest:I really can't.
Guest:I do remember it was about when he used to do those 1-800-CALL-ATT ads.
Guest:It was more like a parody of those ads.
Guest:But they were like, just do your impressions of characters, of which I had none.
Guest:I have very, very little range as a performer.
Guest:What was your Russell Crowe like?
Guest:My Russell Crowe was him hosting a talk show, which we then mounted as a sketch.
Guest:And this is what I realized, which is doing impressions on SNL, which is like, Loren, I feel like has a very... He has a sense of integrity about it, which is like, literally my head is half the size of Russell Crowe's head.
Guest:Like, there's no amount of, like, makeup you can put on me that I'm a believable Russell Crowe.
Guest:And I felt like I had the voice and stuff, and it wasn't a bad sketch.
Guest:And he was like, you're a tiny person compared...
Guest:to russell crowe and i just have a small head and you can't do impressions of people with big heads when when did that become the the convention on snl 2 was that like the 80s i think it must have been in the 80s yeah i mean when we what to do impressions or make well like the fact that like ackroyd used to do jimmy carter with a mustache is like what we always bring up
Marc:Yeah, when did they start, you know, because he asked, I think it was Armisen, his big audition question was, will you wear a wig?
Guest:Well, that he said, I think that's like a thing he says.
Guest:I think that's just like filler.
Guest:Yeah, because he said to me that same meeting, he was like, we're going to obviously we're going to want to get you in some wigs and see how they look.
Guest:And so I kept waiting for this like wig level.
Guest:Has that never happened?
Guest:I've been in rooms now where he's talked to new people and he's talked about the wigs.
Guest:And I've never been there for when it's like, bring in the wigs!
Guest:So yeah, but I don't know when it happened, but there are, I mean, and with that said, like there are times where people have like a really, they have the voice down and then you see them and you're like, nah, you just don't look anything like them.
Marc:What was your favorite one to do?
Guest:I didn't enjoy any of them.
Guest:I hated, I hated, I felt so, I didn't feel out of my comfort zone, but I always felt like I was the worst at it of everybody I worked with.
Marc:Did you feel other people were thinking that?
Guest:I think we all do that.
Guest:The great thing is even when we're not being egomaniacs, we are egomaniacs because we assume everybody's thinking what we think.
Guest:We think we're right enough in our thoughts to assume that anyone who's not a dummy will also assume I'm terrible.
Guest:So I always took it to that level.
Marc:You ran with it.
Guest:But I always felt like that was a real freedom for me when I became more on the writing staff.
Guest:I finally felt like I was at least in the top third of the people who were trying to do that.
Marc:How much of your update do you write?
Guest:Probably a quarter.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But everyone knows it right for you.
Marc:Are you comfortable with that gig?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:We have three writers who are amazing, who mostly do that.
Guest:And then, I mean, anytime I do sort of like a run or anything like that.
Guest:Who are your guys?
Guest:Mulaney?
Guest:No, Mulaney.
Guest:Mulaney writes a ton of features, but Baze, Alex Baze, who's great, and Doug Ables and Jessica Conrad.
Guest:Wow.
Marc:And now, okay, so let's just talk about the correspondence dinner.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:So you got to do this gig.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You're doing basically a stand-up gig.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:For the president.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Now, when you got that gig, you did great.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:Thanks.
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:I can't even imagine the type of pressure.
Marc:Was there a point where you're like, holy fuck, are you kidding me?
Guest:Yeah, it was awful.
Guest:All of it was awful.
Guest:So you got the gig and you're like, I don't want it.
Guest:I spent like a month thinking about whether or not I wanted to take the gigs.
Guest:Like for mostly just because I felt like it was almost like presumptuous to do it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But that's a gig where, you know, Alex, same people I mentioned, you know, Mulaney was a huge help.
Guest:Neil Brandon was a huge help.
Guest:Other guys were a huge help.
Guest:Didn't Judd write a couple for you?
Guest:No, I think Judd wrote a couple for Obama.
Guest:Oh, wrote for the Obama.
Guest:Holy shit.
Guest:Sort of the best Obama stuff.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But we got together.
Guest:I got lucky because we had three weeks off before that.
Guest:So it was sort of the Saturday at the end of three weeks off from SNL.
Guest:And we got together like four times and would read jokes and talk about what we felt more of.
Guest:And then we'd write more and more.
Guest:And even the day of...
Guest:We were working on it.
Guest:And I had them printed out on cards.
Guest:I probably had about 90 note cards.
Guest:And as I was doing it, I was pulling cards.
Guest:Because I felt like every joke I told, I learned something else about the audience.
Guest:And I'd be like, oh, that's not going to work.
Guest:That's not going to work.
Guest:So it was, I sweat through my tuxedo.
Guest:Like, I've never, like, I literally was like.
Guest:What?
Guest:The whole time.
Guest:First of all, I was so worried that he would kill, which he did.
Guest:He's great.
Guest:Obama?
Marc:He sort of has to kill.
Guest:Not all presidents kill like he kills.
Guest:Also, Obama switched it, because it used to be the president went last, and then he moved in, which is genius.
Guest:So you have to follow the president...
Guest:And even if you're just as good as him, the tiebreaker is like, who's president?
Guest:So...
Guest:And the other thing was you have to eat dinner.
Guest:Like, you literally sit like this.
Guest:You eat dinner for an audience.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because you're at this dais, and you're like a museum installation.
Marc:Oh, so they're all sitting there looking at you?
Guest:People walk up and literally just, like, take pictures of... I mean, they don't take pictures of me, but I was... So the other thing is, like, I'm sitting next to the first lady who I'm talking to, but while I'm talking to her, I'm like, ugh, I want to look at my jokes.
Guest:I'm like, oh, first lady, can I have a minute to myself?
Guest:Please.
Please.
Guest:And do they check your script?
Guest:They don't.
Guest:Really?
Guest:They never check your script.
Guest:What if you're a terrorist giving out code?
Guest:I know.
Guest:They don't.
Guest:And C-SPAN wanted my script as well, but I wouldn't give them my script either because I didn't want it to be about them cutting to people I was telling jokes about.
Guest:Right.
Right.
Guest:Um, which then it didn't backfire, but like, uh, I obviously told jokes about Donald Trump and because the, yeah, because the president had, they knew where the camera was.
Guest:So that was exactly what I, I mean, but yeah, it was fine.
Guest:It's just like, by the way, whenever anyone like wants to see your script beforehand, you just don't want to give it to them.
Guest:Cause it's like, it's just, that feels like, cause you're like, I got this.
Guest:I got it.
Guest:You take a look.
Guest:Cause the worst is you don't want a guy from C-SPAN to be like, okay.
Guest:Oh, I mean,
Guest:is this uh is this your final draft again like which is never gonna happen but like just giving it away you just don't want to give that control it automatically puts you in an insecure mode there's no yeah yeah here you go and then there's a couple winners in here
Guest:So, yeah.
Guest:But it was, yeah, it was exciting.
Marc:Was there a good audience right from the get-go?
Marc:I mean, like, when you got in, were you like, all right, it's good.
Marc:It's going to go all right.
Guest:I felt that way, but there were moments.
Guest:Smigel, I ran into Robert Smigel randomly, like, two weeks beforehand.
Guest:He had written for Conan's, I want to say, like, 96, 97.
Guest:And he gave me the best piece of advice, which is, like, if you lose the president, you lose the room because...
Guest:it's never more interesting to watch you than it is to watch the president watch you.
Guest:So they're kind of watching you through, it's like mirrors.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I had a run of joke about the Republican candidates, and as I was doing it, I realized that he didn't want to get caught laughing at them.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And so he was kind of clamming up, and then I felt the audience go cold, too.
Guest:Oh, you felt that?
Guest:I really did.
Guest:And you decided not to go, huh?
Guest:Right?
Guest:Am I right?
Guest:What's the matter?
Guest:You're not getting these?
Guest:Yeah.
Huh?
Guest:And I had, like, jokes about Afghanistan and stuff.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:That then, like, right before... By the way, he killed, and then he did me the favor of, like, cleansing the palate by, like, thanking the troops.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Which is good for comedy, but then all my jokes about Afghanistan, I was like, get rid of these.
Guest:These are not gonna work.
Marc:He cleansed the palette by awarding a Medal of Honor in between.
Marc:So you dumped those in while you were in it?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you dumped the Republican stuff about two in?
Guest:I had a couple.
Guest:I mean, I did a couple of them, but I think I pulled.
Guest:I mean, they were also like, you know, the thing about it was, I guess it probably was about 20 minutes, and I knew the stuff I was excited to get to.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So any time I felt it like going down, I was familiar enough with it to pull and get to it.
Guest:And what did he say after it?
Guest:I talked for, like, he was just like, oh, that was great.
Guest:By the way, like, you know, as history will show now, like, the next day he announced Osama bin Laden had been killed.
Marc:And he knew while you were doing the jokes.
Marc:He knew.
Marc:He was sitting there.
Marc:All he was thinking was like, I killed the fucker.
Marc:And he...
Marc:And you're worried about whether or not he likes your Republican joke.
Marc:He had the biggest hard-on of his fucking term in office.
Guest:Well, that I love, which is like, he killed, and I don't want to be arrogant.
Guest:I feel like I did a little bit better, and he was like, wait till tomorrow, kid.
Guest:Seth Meyers, ladies and gentlemen.
Guest:Scott Edson, Jody Lennon, Julian McCullough, Gabe Liebman, Rachel Feinstein.
Guest:Kick on the music.
Guest:Thank you for coming to WTF.
Guest:What a great lineup.
Guest:Great audience.
Guest:Great to see you.
Guest:Good night.
All right.