Episode 221 - Carrot Top
Guest:Lock the gates!
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Pow!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:And it's also... Eh, what the fuck?
Guest:What's wrong with me?
Guest:It's time for WTF!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:With Mark Maron.
What the fuck?
Guest:All right, we're going to do this.
Guest:We're going to go.
Guest:I'm at the Palms Hotel.
Guest:I'm getting on the elevator right now.
Marc:And we're going to go interview Carrot Top.
Marc:Now, I just got off stage.
Marc:I'm running out there.
Marc:I'm going to go.
Marc:We're driving to his place.
Marc:It's fucking 1130 at night, and I'm going to Carrot Top's house.
Guest:He's picking me up outside with his opening act, Charlie Viracola.
Guest:I have no idea what to expect.
Guest:He does a show here at the Luxury.
Guest:He's here almost every night.
Guest:You obviously know who Carrot Top is, but I really don't have it.
Guest:This isn't the ultimate optimum situation.
Guest:it just is what it is we're in vegas i've lost four hundred dollars i've eaten a lot and this was the opportunity that sort of revealed itself was that i was gonna this is how i could do it uh so we're going i'm just i'm walking through the casino now and we're going we're going to go to his house so i'm not nervous about it but it's a little weird there are two guys have certain questions i want to ask him and hopefully we can do that
Guest:And now where the fuck am I?
Guest:How'd I get lost?
Guest:Where's the main door?
Guest:Swap machines.
Guest:Fat people.
Guest:Girls in heels that are too high for them.
Guest:People smoking.
Guest:Oh, God, this is horrendous.
Guest:Oh, my God, that's the saddest guy I've ever seen in my life.
Guest:What's going on with those people?
Guest:Hey, how's it going?
Guest:All right.
Guest:So we're heading out.
Guest:Going to get in the car.
Guest:I just don't know.
Guest:Do I call him Scott?
Guest:Do I call him Scott?
Guest:Do I call him Carrot?
Guest:Do I call him Top?
Guest:I think I call him Scott.
Guest:I've met him a few times.
Guest:All right.
Marc:Here we go.
Marc:Where am I getting in?
Marc:Charlie Viracola.
Marc:I'm getting in the front?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:All right, buddy.
Marc:Caratop's car.
Marc:Caratop's car.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:So, Charlie.
Marc:How you doing?
Marc:I'm Mark, by the way.
Marc:Hey, I'm Jeff.
Marc:Hey, Jeff.
No worries, Mark.
Marc:I'm all right, man.
Marc:I usually try to make this as interesting as possible.
Marc:So there's no reason not to record all the way where we're going.
Marc:Get caught up.
Marc:So now, are we going to Carrot Top's compound?
Guest:We're going to the Carrot compound.
Marc:Are we driving out to the hills?
Marc:Is Carrot Top going to kill me?
Yes.
Marc:Oh, fuck.
Guest:That would be an odd thing.
Guest:It would be a great way for you to go out, though, Mark.
Guest:To be killed by Carrot Top?
Guest:Yeah, somebody said, you know, this is the weirdest thing.
Guest:We love Mark Maron.
Guest:We so respected the hot podcast that's going on.
Guest:And his old pal, Charlie Veracola, took him out to Carrot Top's compound in Las Vegas, and Carrot Top murdered him.
Marc:That would be great.
Marc:It would be big news that I wish I would have been around to appreciate.
Guest:Right, and so with that said, though, perhaps we could have this kind of thing go down on somebody else.
Marc:Okay, so now the suggestion is maybe we pick someone up off the street and bring them to Scott to kill.
Guest:Yeah, but it'd have to be a comedian.
Guest:It would be better if it was some kind of comic, especially one that wouldn't necessarily like Carrot Top.
Marc:How about George Wallace?
Marc:No, George likes Carrot Top.
Marc:Well, I think once you get to this level, dude, once you get out to Vegas, it's sort of like being put out to pasture and being paid for it.
Marc:All these cats dig each other on some level.
Guest:Yeah, well, here's what I've always said about Las Vegas.
Guest:I think that Las Vegas is nothing but a cruise ship that's stuck in the sand.
Marc:And that people can leave.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So that's why it's in the sand.
Guest:You can get off the ship, but it's a cruise ship stuck in the sand.
Marc:Oh, God, I can't figure out what the fuck it is, and I always get so worked up about it.
Marc:How long have you been opening for Carrot Top?
Guest:Off and on for 20 years.
Marc:See, that's amazing to me because I'm talking to Charlie Veracola, and Charlie and I auditioned for Letterman before either of us had done it.
Marc:We auditioned for it together the first time that we both really auditioned for it.
Marc:When was that?
Guest:This was...
Marc:This was in the 80s, was it not?
Marc:It was definitely the 90s, because I got the show, and I don't feel like I did it until the 90s.
Marc:And I did not.
Marc:I know, but I remember you then.
Marc:Don't you remember you then?
Guest:Yes, I remember you very well from back then.
Marc:But do you remember you?
Guest:uh yeah i remember me my first time auditioning for the show was definitely in the 80s because the first time i ever auditioned for the show another guy was on the lineup at catch a rising star that night okay who was the other guy bill hicks well see that's the weird thing about when i saw you you got the same cadence as bill i remember noticing that you got that it's not a bad thing you just talk like you're from the same area where are you from
Guest:Well, I'm originally from California, but I grew up in North Carolina.
Guest:Oh, so you got that.
Guest:And I'm moving back to North Carolina in like a week from California, too.
Marc:So that's where it's somehow in between.
Marc:So you got a mixture of California, North Carolina, and that somehow equaled Texas.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Well, on Hicks, it's the same way.
Guest:I mean, he had that accent that kind of sounded Southern, but not really.
Guest:He kind of drew things out, and we both had long brown hair and talked about, you know, getting high in political stuff a little bit.
Marc:Well, did you ever think that...
Guest:My stuff was nowhere near as clever as his.
Marc:But, I mean, did you ever think that this was the trajectory?
Marc:That, you know, we'd be driving to Caratop's house in Caratop's car with Caratop's guy?
Guest:And Bill would be gone.
Marc:And Bill would be gone, and you'd be the guy that, you know, made a lot of your living opening for Caratop.
Guest:No, I would have never imagined that.
Guest:Because back in the day, I would have been one of the first guys that would have made fun of a guy like Carrot Top.
Guest:And probably did.
Guest:Not him particularly, but other, as we called them back in the day, bodaks, you know?
Guest:Bodaks.
Marc:I tried to explain to somebody the other day what a bodact was.
Marc:No one even uses that term anymore.
Marc:Bodaks and hacks.
Marc:Hacks, bodaks, and jugglers, and guitar acts.
Guest:Yeah, I used to make fun of them with Bill Hicks, as a matter of fact, with Kenison.
Guest:I was friends with all these guys and the likes of the Marc Marons of the world, too, and sit around and have fun doing all that.
Guest:And then later in my career, I met Carrot Top, who I'd never heard of him.
Guest:And it turns out, not only was he doing original stuff,
Guest:I mean, people were ripping him a new ass, don't get me wrong, but I just immediately realized, hey, this guy's a nice guy, and he doesn't deserve that kind of ire.
Marc:It's showbiz.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:So I jumped... Now wait, is he listening to us right now?
Guest:Probably.
Guest:He has everything bugged.
Guest:Carrot Top has everything bugged.
Guest:They're on to us.
Guest:How long have you been working for Carrot Top?
Guest:Six years, full-time, and then about ten years before then.
Marc:And what do you do for him, exactly?
Guest:I'm his assistant.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Marc:He's his bather and wiper.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:Is that where Carrot Top's at now?
Marc:He needs a bather and wiper?
Marc:You just had to turn them on?
Marc:Are you going to have to go upstairs and pull them off the toilet?
Guest:It's one-story house.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:It's very Siegfried and Roy at Carrot Top Compound.
Guest:He has a bather, a wiper.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:Well, you know, I hear nothing but good things about him.
Marc:And I went to see his show a while back when I was in town, and I did a short interview with him.
Marc:And, you know, I made fun of him.
Marc:He's the nicest guy.
Marc:You know, here's the funny thing.
Marc:But, like, my question, though, Charlie, is that when was, like, there had to be some sort of transition because you were doing your own thing.
Marc:You had an edge to you.
Marc:And then, you know, at some point you met Scott and you drank the Kool-Aid on some level.
Yeah.
Guest:Well, you know, I still do my own thing, still have an edge, still do my act, and it's totally separate from Carrot Top, and it's not the same style or anything like that.
Guest:I've always had a fondness for visual comedy and props, not to do myself.
Guest:It's not my...
Guest:performance cup of tea but I like design work and I like thinking about visuals and ideas and so I guess on the level that I would be drinking the Kool-Aid would be I've got a job that is creatively fulfilling and pays me a lot of extra money that got me through
Guest:That whole slump in the stand-up world in the 90s and my whole, you know, trying to get away from drugs and alcohol and all the party scene that I was doing, it just kind of perfectly fit.
Guest:So it just worked for me, and it's been effective for him.
Guest:Now, do you help him write and stuff?
Guest:Yeah, that's what I do.
Guest:He and I, I mean, I like to say that we're like Elton John and Bernie Taupin, except we don't sleep together.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:the joke that I've what the hell happened there look at that isn't it weird when you drive by accidents and there's one car that's going the wrong way and you're like how did that how did that happen begin to happen Friday night in Vegas so wait so now like you guys sit around and go alright so alright we're going to take a boom box and make it a hat
Guest:Well, we more usually think of like an idea or a current event or something that's going on, just like us monologists would write a joke.
Guest:You pick a topic.
Guest:Give me an example.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Here's a new one that we just came up with.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:It's like a mask, but it's on a welding mask.
Guest:Imagine one of those welding hats.
Guest:Yeah, that flips up.
Guest:Yeah, that flips up off your face, but if you flip it down, it flips to cover your face.
Guest:Right.
Guest:So we use a lot of those when we're going to put a face change idea together.
Guest:Because that way he can put it on, you don't know what it is, and he flips it down and all of a sudden it's another face instead of him putting a whole mask on.
Guest:Got it.
Guest:And this one has, it's made for Kim Kardashian's.
Guest:husband her new husband she's marrying that big giant white basketball player yeah and it's a flip down mask that's got a black guy's face on it okay so it's for him to wear so that he can still get kim off because all she ever dated was black guys before this guy so it's kind of a current event and kind of a a tear on her a little bit not really a tear on her of course but more like a just a play on something that everybody would be familiar with got it you know what i mean how's that thing working
Guest:Well, we haven't done it yet.
Guest:Haven't tried it.
Guest:Just made it today.
Guest:You said you wanted a fresh one.
Guest:And that one will also, after the Kim Kardashian story might be over, will be used maybe for, like, white guys to say, you know, to wear so that they can make their wife think that they're bigger.
Guest:Or that they're, you know, it's kind of a... It's kind of a big black dick joke.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:Except it's a visual big black dick joke without the big black dick in it.
Marc:Now, like, to me...
Marc:The Kim Kardashian thing is okay because it's a riff on the fact that she used to date only black guys.
Marc:Now she's got a white guy who happens to be a basketball player.
Marc:And then, you know, he can flip down the black face.
Marc:And then the add-on part, though, I mean, I would have to say that on some level that the big black dick joke is a little hacky.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But it works.
Marc:It works with Kim Kardashian for sure.
Marc:Well, it works with anybody.
Marc:I mean, that's, you know, I mean, it's.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Here's another.
Guest:Here's another one.
Guest:I'm not knocking it.
Guest:I'm just OK.
Guest:That's cool.
Guest:Here's another one.
Guest:We've got a Mexican sombrero, like a big sombrero.
Guest:And on the top of it is a giant stuffed angry bird from the game Angry Birds.
Guest:And it's a hat for Mexican people to wear so they can get across the border easier.
Guest:I don't know if you've played that game, but it's birds being catapulted across.
Marc:Yeah, okay.
Marc:So that's an angry bird joke brought into the world with a slightly racist delivery system.
Guest:Hey, I'll take credit for that.
Guest:I did that one.
Guest:I certainly did that.
Marc:See, I think that's where it becomes, oh, we're at the compound.
Guest:We're driving into the carrot compound now.
Guest:Hmm.
Marc:How open do you think he's willing to be?
Guest:He's cool.
Marc:All right.
Guest:I'm not going to attack him.
Guest:No.
Guest:Certainly not.
Guest:He's nice.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Huh.
Guest:His girlfriend made some food.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:I just ate earlier, but I'll sit.
Marc:This is the sound of Caratop's fountain.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:Smells like incense.
Guest:Describe what you're seeing now, Mark.
Marc:I'm trying.
Marc:I'm trying to describe what I'm seeing.
Marc:I'm in a courtyard of some kind, and there's incense burning, fountains.
Marc:It almost looks like if there were more tables, we'd be at a nice restaurant.
Guest:Exactly.
Marc:It's a big house.
Marc:It's a very tasteful fucking house, man.
Marc:Hey, Scott.
Guest:I swear to God, I'm not trying to get your pants.
Guest:I have incense lit.
Guest:Oh, are you filming?
Guest:There he is.
Guest:I have glasses on, so you can't recognize me.
Marc:Yeah, we're not filming, so you don't have to worry about it.
Marc:Those are nice round glasses.
Marc:I didn't put makeup on for this shit.
Guest:Why did I do that?
Marc:You have makeup on now?
Marc:I don't have makeup on.
Guest:Okay, Scott's here.
Marc:This is Carrot Top.
Guest:I felt kind of weird because I lit incense and candles, and my girlfriend's like, are you trying to get in his pants?
Guest:I'm like...
Marc:Yeah, I had no idea what to expect.
Marc:I don't know if I'm ready for that, but, I mean, maybe I'll hang out for a while.
Marc:We'll see what happens.
Marc:That would be the weirdest fucking episode ever.
Guest:I just went over to interview Carrot Top, and he fucked me.
Guest:I fucked my crowd over pretty good tonight, too.
Guest:You did?
Guest:It was lovely.
Guest:Was it?
Guest:It was delightful, yeah.
Guest:They were good?
Guest:It was good.
Guest:I was good.
Guest:Now, we already decided that perhaps...
Guest:He might murder you here, and this would be a great way for you to go out.
Guest:I'm not sure what I prefer.
Marc:I think I prefer murdering than having sex.
Marc:In a way, because I don't know if I could wiggle myself.
Guest:We're like that movie where you're connected, you have to walk with microphones.
Guest:It's like Matt Damon.
Marc:This is another fountain?
Guest:Are we going in here?
Guest:There's a lot of fountains, yes.
Marc:This is a very nice house.
Marc:Did you have it built for you?
Marc:I did, actually.
Guest:You did?
Guest:Charlie built it.
Marc:Oh, he does everything.
Marc:This is all one big bit.
Guest:The house that Charlie built.
Marc:Oh, look at that.
Marc:Oh, there's a girl here.
Marc:There's my girlfriend, Amanda.
Marc:Hi, how are you, Amanda?
Marc:I'm Mark.
Marc:It's nice to meet you.
Marc:Oh, look at that.
Marc:Oh, my God.
Marc:I'm going to eat more food.
Guest:We have food.
Guest:Do you have tigers?
Guest:I have tigers.
Guest:No, I don't have tigers.
Marc:You lit a fire, too, for me?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I lit a fire for you.
Marc:Holy shit, man.
Yeah.
Guest:It's a yeah, it's cool.
Marc:This is really fucking nice.
Marc:I can't it's a marble floor.
Guest:There's a fireplace.
Guest:There's a huge like a dorm room No, no, there's a Mick Jagger print.
Marc:There's like so many windows very tastefully done.
Marc:There's a pool out there with the waterfall Yeah, there's and there's flaming lit fire for you.
Guest:This is flaming.
Guest:This is quite a production right of a tiger to come out.
Marc:Is there a tiger?
Marc:Get it off me.
Guest:Oh My god, it would be cool if we had a tiger.
Marc:This is beautiful, man.
Guest:Oh, thanks, man
Guest:This is what it bought you.
Guest:This is what it bought you, yeah.
Guest:We still don't enjoy it because we're miserable people.
Guest:Mark had wanted to know earlier some props, some prop ideas.
Guest:And I told him two recent ones.
Guest:I told him the Kim Kardashian and I told him the Angry Bird sombrero one.
Guest:But what are some other ones?
Guest:The horseshoe one did really good tonight.
Guest:Tell him about the horseshoe one.
Marc:What's the horseshoe one?
Marc:There's a new one?
Guest:Yeah, it's brand new.
Guest:Brand new.
Guest:I actually killed, and that crowd was a rough one.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:No, he wrote it, so should I just... Tell him, tell him.
Guest:I said, you know, horseshoes.
Guest:Everyone plays a game of horseshoes.
Guest:I said, do you think horses play like human shoes?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's like two shoes, like connected, hooked together, and it looks like... So they're like... And he forgot to play the...
Guest:Horse.
Guest:And it was good.
Guest:It worked out good?
Guest:Human shoes?
Guest:That's what bought this place.
Guest:Isn't that sad?
Guest:I don't know if it's sad.
Guest:All these flames.
Guest:Does this make you feel like it's not sad?
Guest:It's never not sad.
Guest:That's not a pun.
Guest:It's not really... I don't know what it is.
Marc:Like tied together shoes like you see hanging from a telephone line?
Guest:Yeah, well, kind of, but it's in the shape of a horse.
Guest:It's in the shape of a horse.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, so it's a human shoe that you've rebuilt.
Marc:Human shoes are two shoes.
Marc:Come on.
Marc:You've sewn them together.
Marc:Who does the sewing?
Guest:Kids in the sweatshop, but they're fine.
Marc:No, but who does when you have to build it?
Guest:When you have to build the prop, who does it?
Guest:It depends.
Marc:I do some.
Marc:He does some.
Guest:If I don't want to break, I build it.
Guest:You got a workshop?
Guest:You have a workshop.
Marc:You do?
Guest:A warehouse, yeah.
Guest:Not a warehouse.
Guest:Do you have a place?
Guest:It's a warehouse.
Guest:It's a warehouse.
Guest:Full of shit.
Guest:I mean, a lot of shit.
Marc:So you, like all you guys, like you and Copperfield and all the other Vegas acts have these huge storefronts?
Guest:Yeah, but he has stuff in there that's worth something.
Guest:Mine's just crap, literally.
Guest:You go, wow, this is David Caulfield's warehouse.
Guest:He's got Houdini's shoes and that.
Guest:We have rubber chicken on our fucking... You have some dated prop bits.
Guest:Here's a Bill Clinton podium.
Guest:It's like, oh God.
Marc:You still use that one.
Marc:You still use a Bill Clinton podium.
Marc:No, I don't.
Guest:At the warehouse, I do tours.
Marc:That's coming.
Guest:That is one thing to absolutely note about Scott and his act.
Guest:um all the stuff there's no old stuff in there now i they used to give me a bunch of grief still do hey how about that sally struthers yeah i did a sally struthers starving kids in africa bit opening last week even like you know like a like a year ago and they gave me shit about it i'm like well i'm opening in vegas what does it matter the crowd's here if i was headlining it'd be different but here is the place for me to do this and he gave me endless amounts of shit about it like how could you do that this is
Guest:amazing he's taking a bullet for you right here he actually you know hacked a what is that 10 years old 15 years 20 years old no but i really was doing that he always why are you saying it like like he had the wrong idea you deserved shit yes i know i know we would do it but no i'm just saying on his behalf he never like a clinton thing he wants his stuff fresh all the time and he's always giving me shit about it
Guest:We need to write something else.
Marc:We need a debt ceiling joke like tonight.
Marc:The one thing I remember about seeing your show a few years ago is that because you had the ability to have such a high production value and that you got the run of the place, it seemed to start snowing for no real reason.
Marc:Did it not snow in that?
Marc:It did snow in there.
Guest:Yes, it did.
Marc:For a reason.
Marc:There was a joke?
Marc:I can't remember.
Marc:For some reason, I just sort of remember, like, it's going to snow now.
Guest:I'm not sure there was a joke, but there was.
Marc:It made no sense.
Guest:Right, but I just felt like, you know, he could do that, so he did it.
Guest:Yeah, I did.
Guest:I said, we have snow machines, don't we?
Guest:And they said, yeah, well, let's use them.
Guest:I wouldn't know.
Guest:It was during the finale.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I killed a minute.
Guest:During the finale, we were playing the 2010... Yeah, it was that.
Guest:And an alien pulled a bong out of a trunk.
Guest:And while the alien is about to go down and take a hit off the bong, the lights turn green and snow falls, so it looks like that whole Mulder and Scully kind of X-files.
Guest:We should bring that back, actually.
Marc:I'm thinking about it.
Marc:So you don't have snow in the act now?
Marc:No.
Guest:That's so old, Snow.
Guest:So fucking early.
Marc:Let's sit down and be people for a minute.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Now let's get back to my conversation with Carrot Top.
Marc:We enter here where he's talking about the day he auditioned at the Comedy Corner in West Palm Beach, which was a very famous club.
Marc:Colleen McGar was the booker.
Marc:She later went on to manage Bill Hicks and was even his fiance for a while.
Marc:But this is the first time that Carrot Top, who was out delivering credit reports for a bank, because that was his job as a messenger, talking about going into the Comedy Corner.
Marc:All right, so you go down there to the comedy.
Guest:Yeah, two in the afternoon, I was delivering credit reports for a bank, so I was actually working on their dime, but I pulled in, and she said, okay, what are you doing?
Guest:And I was like, okay, I did things.
Guest:So I started telling jokes, and she said, there's something charming about you, yet there's something funny about you, and you have a whole thing, but there's something missing.
Guest:And I said...
Guest:What, like jokes?
Guest:She said, no, no, you have good jokes, but they're not jokes that would necessarily play to a general audience.
Guest:It was more college-based stuff, like, hey, finding a parking place at the college, or books, turning books in.
Guest:So she said, can you come up with something that's more generic?
Guest:That would be more something that people would enjoy.
Guest:So...
Guest:I had a neighborhood crime watch sign that I had stolen, and I thought it was kind of funny, because where'd you get that?
Guest:And I said, I stole it.
Guest:How good is our crime watch?
Guest:And I'm watching the signs.
Guest:So I went on stage, and I said, how about that?
Guest:And she said, oh, that's good.
Guest:That's funny.
Guest:But I'm just in front of her.
Guest:Now imagine a whole comedy club empty.
Guest:And I'm standing there going, you know, it's like really weird.
Guest:You work off people's energy.
Guest:So it's just her.
Guest:She's like, okay, what else you got?
Guest:Come back tomorrow.
Guest:I'm like, really?
Guest:So I went home and I came up with a couple more visual things because I thought the sign did pretty good.
Guest:So I came up with a hat for old ladies to wear when they drive so their head goes above the seat.
Guest:It was kind of a Florida thing.
Guest:It's funny.
Guest:So I did that.
Guest:I did a couple of things.
Guest:She said, you know, the props are really good.
Guest:I like the props.
Guest:So that's what happened.
Guest:I started with two or three.
Guest:You know, that's weird because she told Larry the Cable Guy if he would just rip the sleeves off of his shirt, she thought that would work better for him, and he did.
Guest:You know, a very famous line, not famous in the sense that people know this, when I came off stage the first time at that exact open mic night where they had full house, Larry the Cable Guy went up and said, I feel like a fucking crouton because there was all these props.
Guest:on the stage and I remember going oh that's funny and that was he said I feel like a fucking crouton and everybody laughs and I came up and I go did you not like me he says no I liked you and he was one of the first yeah Dan's a nice guy he's one of the first people that should be hung for actually giving me more stage time because everybody's like fuck hair top and Dan Whitney said I think he's funny
Guest:And so Colin McGarr and him were very good friends.
Marc:Why do you have that sense of hung?
Marc:Why do you identify yourself with the image that people have created for you?
Marc:You're kidding, right?
Guest:No, but I mean... No, I've lived this my whole life.
Guest:I didn't get to play the punchline in Jacksonville, Florida, because I was Carrot Top.
Guest:But I would play the other club that whatever his name was, not Denunzio, the other guy that had the club in Atlanta.
Guest:Yeah, Denunzio.
Guest:Atlanta, not Jacksonville.
Guest:No, Denunzio wouldn't... DePetta, thank you.
Guest:DePetta booked me, and I would sell out, but Denunzio said, I'm not booking fucking Carrot Top because he's a prop comic.
Guest:And I was like, really?
Guest:But you'll have John Fox, you'll have this, you'll have anybody.
Guest:You'll have...
Guest:Gallagher, too, but you won't have me.
Guest:And so I remember to this day, I still remember that, but I never was the kind of guy that really held a grudge until now.
Guest:I just like doing a podcast.
Guest:Well, if it helps, I pretty much heard that he's completely out of the business now.
Guest:Yeah, but I remember playing the Fox Theater in Atlanta.
Guest:It was on a Wednesday, and it was like 4,200 people.
Guest:I remember it was like weird.
Guest:Even myself, I was like, wow, this is crazy.
Guest:And all the widespread panic came, and the bands and people came.
Guest:And Denunzio knew I was playing there.
Guest:It's in Atlanta on a Wednesday.
Guest:And DePetta came to the show, and he said, we should tell Denunzio that you played the Fox on a Wednesday night and did 4,200 people, and it was a good show.
Guest:And I said, you know, it's not my style.
Guest:Because I really didn't care about, he already knows, but deep in the back of your mind, you kind of want people to know, like, oh, fuck, really?
Guest:I can't play your punchline because I do props?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Is it that artistic of a way to, like, but that's his own choice.
Marc:But isn't that weird, though, that there was this weird time where this, that props became the enemy?
Marc:It had the mystique all over it.
Marc:Well, I remember it.
Marc:I mean, I think if there was any joke I used to do about you, it had to do with you having to, you know.
Marc:Sucking cock or something, you know.
Marc:No, I never did the sucking cock thing.
Marc:Everyone did that.
Marc:That's your business.
Marc:I remember what it was.
Marc:I remember it was like an impression of Carrot Top at the airport.
Marc:What do you mean you lost my act?
Marc:What do you mean you lost my act?
Guest:I mean, it was something along those lines.
Guest:That's funny because that's true.
Guest:No, I mean, it is.
Guest:You want to know what actually... No, I remember fucking, what's his, my favorite comics, Albert Brooks.
Guest:Said something like that on The Tonight Show.
Guest:He said, you know, if the airlines lost his act, what would he do?
Guest:He wouldn't have an act.
Guest:And I remember screaming at the television going, fuck, of course I wouldn't.
Guest:I mean, it's duh, but it wasn't.
Guest:He was like ripping me.
Guest:But at the same sense, I'm like, it's like if the airlines lost the amplifier or the guitar or the Stones, they wouldn't have an act.
Marc:Well, Albert Brooks used to actually do prop stuff.
Guest:Yeah, he did.
Guest:Playing spinning plates.
Guest:Yeah, and the speak and spell.
Guest:And here's a funny note as well.
Guest:All those comics that would make fun of, hey, well, what happens if his act doesn't show up?
Guest:He can't do a show.
Guest:Ironically, again, in Birmingham,
Guest:That night that they had a big freeze there and all the power lines, Scott was playing there, and the power lines went down on top of the Birmingham Comedy Club, not the new Stardome location, but the older one, and it burned the whole club down with his entire act in it.
Guest:He lost his whole act.
Guest:And they failed and ripped Taylor's matches.
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:And Rip Taylor's man.
Guest:No, but his whole act literally burned down.
Guest:So everybody who made fun of that, and we spent, what, two weeks in North Carolina?
Guest:I was supposed to be in J-Lo that Friday, or Monday.
Guest:And it happened on Friday, and I remember going, I didn't think anything out of it.
Guest:I'm like, fuck the club, Bruce.
Guest:Holy shit, that was a great club.
Guest:And they're like, dude, your act was in there.
Guest:I was like, oh, fuck.
Guest:I didn't even think about my act.
Guest:I'm like, oh, my God.
Guest:There's shit like the crime watch sign.
Guest:Brilliant.
Guest:I couldn't find it again.
Guest:I had to go steal another goddamn sign.
Guest:But was there a panic where you just started running around town putting things together?
Marc:No, I did.
Guest:I had every comic that literally... Lived in Charlotte at the time.
Guest:Everyone came together to help me build my stupid act again, and we actually made it... But I remember going Monday night, Leno goes...
Guest:Yeah, we thought they had carrots out in the family.
Guest:It was like an Amish barn raising.
Guest:It was crazy.
Guest:So then I put smoke detectors in all the lids of the trunks.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And did Leno.
Guest:And I did Leno.
Guest:I said, now I have smoke detectors in case, you know, the shit burned.
Guest:That's funny.
Marc:So, but wait, let me just try and see what exactly.
Marc:I'm trying to track what happened because, all right, so you started doing.
Guest:Look, I'm miserable.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:No, no, I see that.
Marc:But I, you know, but that doesn't make you different than most comics.
Marc:If you're miserable because you can't live with yourself because you are Carrot Top, that's a whole other problem.
Marc:That is a problem.
Marc:Then I don't know if I can help you.
Marc:I'm sure it's possible.
Marc:But what happened, I think, if I'm not mistaken, is that at the time that you broke or that you started to gain work, it was mostly colleges, right?
Guest:Colleges was definitely a big... It was a huge business for you.
Marc:Huge.
Marc:And you'd been doing comedy, what, like three or four years?
Guest:No, I had done comedy for...
Guest:I think a little longer than that.
Guest:I started in 86.
Guest:I was 93.
Guest:I started getting a lot of the college work.
Guest:So, yeah.
Marc:And then, you know, a little longer than that.
Marc:I'm just trying to figure out who decided that, you know, when did you become a punchline?
Marc:Do you remember a point?
Guest:Television.
Guest:Television started to become...
Guest:when I started getting more spots on shows.
Guest:On The Tonight Show?
Guest:Yeah, more visibility, because it's like... MTV or those kind of shows that were popular at the time.
Marc:But it's just so weird that we come from that.
Marc:I mean, I remember it, that there was definitely this line drawn, and you were it.
Marc:I mean, Gallagher was already big by the time you started.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, no.
Marc:And he didn't seem to take as much of a hit as you.
Guest:He did, I think, back in the day.
Guest:Did he?
Guest:Yeah, I think back in the day, a lot of comic.
Guest:But it wasn't like we have now where there's so much access to...
Guest:Yeah, he got grief at the comedy store back in the late 70s.
Marc:I interviewed him, and he stormed out on me for other reasons, because he's nuts.
Marc:He's nuts.
Marc:He literally stormed out of the room.
Marc:I don't even know what.
Marc:Shocking.
Marc:Yeah, but he's out there.
Marc:Did he ever attack you?
Guest:No, Gallagher.
Guest:Oh yeah, I know Gal.
Marc:He attacked me.
Guest:He attacked me for years.
Guest:He was on the Howard Stern Show and he said the same thing.
Guest:He said, Karen Topp took my act.
Marc:You never smashed anything.
Guest:Karen Topp took my act.
Guest:No, I smashed cantaloupe.
Guest:It's different than fucking water.
Marc:All right, so you might explain to him that.
Guest:It's a whole different thing.
Guest:But, no, it was, no.
Guest:In fact, I think I've had people to this day come out and say, oh, I sure love you.
Guest:We saw you.
Guest:But when you hit that stuff and it got on my sweater, I'm like, huh?
Marc:Wrong guy.
Guest:So I don't know how they get wrong guy.
Marc:Well, you know, the weird thing is I don't find anybody that doesn't like you personally.
Marc:I've not met anybody that doesn't say you're a really nice guy.
Marc:And I, of course, say, well, he's got to try really hard, you know, in order to...
Guest:Well, I'm serious, and then we'll change the tone of this thing, but I think, you know, in 93 or whatever it was, when I won the Comedian of the Year, whatever that was, that was a big, it was a weird thing, because you have the national public of people voting for this award.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You don't have comics, you don't have, it was just people in general, anybody.
Guest:Bill Hicks was on that list.
Guest:Well, that was the big thing, that you beat Hicks.
Guest:Yeah, but...
Guest:But the weird thing was I've never in my life been in a situation where anybody has where you, let's say you win something and you're like, like anybody, a humble person would go, fuck, I'm not deserving of this.
Guest:I got Bill Hicks.
Guest:I got Dom Herrera.
Guest:I got all these people that are really brilliant comics.
Guest:You win something and you're like, you're just sitting there going, fuck, really?
Guest:And then you go up there.
Guest:And you're like, I thank you, but wow, look at the company I'm in, but there's nothing you can do about it.
Guest:You just, you win the fucking thing.
Guest:He calls me the night that he wins from LA because they taped in the afternoon and they sent a news crew to my apartment in North Carolina at the time to film me because they knew that I wrote a lot of stuff with Scott.
Guest:So they wanted to film the reaction of his best friend and, and you know, that works a lot with him on these props as Carrot Top wins his thing.
Guest:and i'll never forget it i i i've seen him upset i thought he'd be like wow i won and instead he was like sad oh fuck i won yeah no he was like he was he was i don't i don't i wouldn't say pissed he was just like i can't fucking believe i'm like you won this is great and they sent a news crew to my house he's like yeah but i beat bill or dom i mean god those guys are really funny so and that's a sincere thing and and that's right when you were asking me in the car well
Guest:How did you used to do like subversive kind of stuff in your act?
Guest:How did you hook up with him?
Guest:It's moments like that early on that made me go, wait a minute.
Guest:This guy is not taking himself all that seriously.
Guest:As a matter of fact, just the opposite.
Guest:He realizes, you know, he likes these guys better than what he's doing as well.
Guest:I should have won anyhow, though.
Guest:I am.
Guest:Yeah, but no, it was weird.
Guest:I have a picture of it, too.
Guest:The woman.
Guest:I remember that.
Guest:It was Brett Butler.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:Brett is the one that did the thing.
Guest:And I was like... She was giving a little snarky look.
Guest:Now, I like Brett.
Guest:She's a friend of mine.
Guest:But she was in on that whole, like, you know, we have to pick sides thing.
Marc:But these lines were drawn by comedians.
Marc:And what Charlie was saying before, that it's been... It's actually there's a whole new generation using you as a reference to shit on you.
Marc:And there's no real point of reference anymore.
Marc:I mean, you're out here in Vegas.
Guest:Not anymore.
Guest:I think, yeah.
Marc:I mean, you are a symbol of something.
Marc:but people but like i said that no no you are i mean no i think that's the best way to put it you're sort of something and there's a symbol of you've done so now it's kind of yeah but i mean it's all show business but i mean i guess my my question is so have you really been able has it has it been sort of a thorn in your side you know in terms of of how you see yourself like since then i mean does it bother you still yeah
Guest:I sound like Jay because that's what he always said.
Guest:No, I think it absolutely has some resonance of never going away.
Guest:No part, no matter how much success you have, you always think there's always people that are going to fuck with you and say, what, really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But at the same time, you sit back and you just go, I'm just doing my thing.
Guest:I'm just doing what I do.
Guest:And people dig it.
Guest:They dig it.
Guest:They don't dig it.
Guest:They don't dig it.
Guest:So it's like you can't spend the rest of your life just thinking, why don't these people like me?
Guest:You just worry about the people that do like you and you just do what you do.
Marc:But you don't do it's just so weird that did because there's this mixture, like in my mind, I would think, well, I'd be fucking furious.
Marc:But there's this other side of it where it's sort of like you don't feel like you are that kind of comic.
Guest:You just answered it better than I could put it.
Guest:I am so furious, yet I'm both.
Guest:So I'm always angry, and then I go, okay, I did okay.
Guest:You know?
Marc:No, but you do.
Guest:We're sitting here in a beautiful house.
Guest:Yeah, but that's the beauty of it.
Guest:But there must be some party that thinks, I certainly didn't deserve that much shit.
Marc:Absolutely, there is that.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And just in light of like, I just want to make sure that we get this because the big, it was always you and Hicks.
Marc:I think it all started there in terms of modern comedy that because you won that award and that Bill lost it.
Marc:And I think he lived several years after that.
Marc:I mean, that was 90-what.
Marc:So, I mean, it wasn't like he died the next year or something.
Marc:No, no.
Marc:No, I mean, he still was working and everything else.
Marc:Right, sure, absolutely.
Marc:But I think that probably started his tirade against you as well.
Guest:No, I think the tirade was going before that.
Guest:I think.
Guest:I don't know the timeline on that, but I do know that.
Guest:I do.
Guest:I don't think he said anything.
Guest:I don't think he tiraded after that moment at all.
Guest:As a matter of fact, I think that was the end of the tirade.
Marc:Against Caratop.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:By Bill.
Marc:Because he'd given up on America.
Guest:Because they voted for Caratop.
Guest:I would have loved to find when it was when he came to me at the Comedy Corner.
Marc:Let's talk about that.
Guest:Because that was really, really a touching moment for me as a comedy CEO.
Marc:I want to do that again.
Marc:I want to make sure we get that.
Marc:Because...
Marc:You know, Bill set this standard and, you know, Bill had a lot to say about everything.
Marc:And I think that, you know, that we all are entertainers.
Marc:And I think that, you know, you represented something to Bill about what America represents, that like his frustration was that he was a truth teller and that he was pushing a boundary and turning America in on itself and revealing its hypocrisy.
Marc:And you were a clown.
Marc:And that was the way he saw it.
Marc:And this was something that I think he you know, we would have assumed he would bring to his grave.
Marc:But so, you know, shortly before he died, tell that story again.
Guest:Well, I was playing in the comedy corner and I remember out of the blue, I see an image of someone coming down the hallway and it's Bill Hicks.
Guest:And I remember thinking, oh my God, fuck, Bill Hicks just saw my show.
Guest:Like, wouldn't you want to know?
Guest:We still have this today.
Guest:He was dating Colleen.
Guest:Yeah, Colleen was, and I think he was living with her at the time.
Guest:He was toward the end.
Guest:He was dying.
Guest:He was dying.
Guest:I mean, it was pretty obvious in his physical appearance that he wasn't looking good.
Guest:And it was kind of disturbing, actually, to see someone at that state right in front of you because you picture them as a healthy person and you see them and you're like, holy, my aunt died of pancreatic cancer.
Guest:And I remember seeing her like, oh, my God, it was just it was the weirdest thing.
Guest:And so I remember all I could think of was like, Oh my God, he came all the way down in his sick fucking dying days to say, I don't hate you.
Guest:You do what you do is great.
Guest:And fuck everybody that says whatever.
Guest:It was like Carlin said the same thing to me too.
Guest:He wasn't dying yet, but he said same thing.
Guest:He's like, yeah, fuck these people.
Guest:Fuck that.
Guest:You do what you're doing.
Guest:You'd fucking do a good fuck these fucking fuckers.
Guest:And then, and then he went out and he ate it.
Guest:And I was like, that wasn't pretty, but, uh,
Guest:No.
Guest:Did he?
Guest:Yeah, no, he had a horrible show, and I remember thinking, fuck, what do you say to the guy?
Guest:This is Carlin.
Guest:Yeah, Carlin.
Guest:At the MGM?
Guest:Yeah, he came in.
Guest:It was a bad show.
Guest:I mean, it was bad.
Guest:But anyway.
Guest:He walked a bunch of people.
Guest:Oh, he walked.
Guest:Yeah, I was like, oh, fuck.
Guest:It was later Carlin.
Guest:He's like, fuck that shit.
Guest:Fuck kids.
Guest:Fuck children.
Guest:Fuck you.
Guest:I thought it was great.
Marc:I loved it, though.
Guest:I was like, yes.
Guest:But I remember him saying to me, I said something.
Guest:I just made a reference to Carlin saying,
Guest:He goes, how many shows you do a night?
Guest:And I said, I have two on Saturdays.
Guest:And I said, you know, it's nice to have two on Saturdays because it gives me a second chance.
Guest:Which I thought would be kind of funny to him.
Guest:And immediately he cut me off.
Guest:He said, fuck that.
Guest:Fuck them.
Guest:You do your shit.
Guest:Don't fucking chant shit.
Guest:You're giving the crowd the shit.
Guest:Fuck you.
Guest:You do what you do.
Guest:And I was like, I was just being funny.
Guest:Like, hey, I got a second chance at this.
Guest:And he was like, fucking just put me right in my place.
Guest:I was like, wow, okay.
Marc:But when Bill said that to you or when George said that to you, did it give you any sense of closure?
Marc:I mean, did it make you, did it take anything back?
Guest:I mean.
Guest:No, but I never forgot it.
Guest:I mean, to this day, I remember like holding George Carlin's hand thinking, wow, I'm talking to George Carlin and he knows me.
Guest:And he's giving me a piece of advice.
Guest:And same with Bill Hicks.
Guest:I remember thinking, I just didn't want Bill Hicks to not like me personally or as a comic.
Guest:You always want a little bit of a pure thing, no matter what.
Guest:I know I'm not the guy that's going to be the comics in the back of the room laughing.
Guest:Not for the right.
Guest:Right, for the right reasons.
Guest:But they're nice.
Guest:Tonight even, comics were like, that was the best show I ever saw you do.
Guest:Yeah, because I was eating it.
Guest:And they love seeing you dig out of a hole.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Were you really eating it?
Marc:Yeah, that's pretty... And when you need to dig out of a hole, do you actually have a shovel?
Guest:I actually... Nice.
Marc:You fucker.
Marc:The only comic that actually uses a real shovel to dig out of a hole.
Guest:Yeah, you fucker.
Guest:I actually had a shovel.
Guest:No, I actually try to use words like you guys.
Guest:And I try.
Guest:So that's the message here.
Guest:If you're a comic and you're getting ready to die, it's time to come see Carrot Top.
Marc:Come to the house.
Marc:There's going to be a string of comics that are coming.
Guest:But, you know, I don't know.
Guest:It's like, it's like, I'm reading this book right now.
Guest:You probably read it with the Leno Letterman.
Marc:No, I just read the Conan O'Brien one.
Guest:No, see, Conan's one of my big, I love Conan.
Guest:He must like you.
Guest:He does.
Guest:He's beyond nice to me.
Guest:I mean, he's genuinely a good friend.
Guest:I mean, like, I see him and he's like, hey.
Yeah.
Guest:But it's always been a weird thing going on Conan because they always go, oh, you're a Leno guy.
Guest:I'm like, well, I'm not a Leno guy.
Guest:I'd rather do all the shows.
Guest:Why do I have to be the one that, you know what I mean?
Guest:I don't do Letterman.
Guest:No, you do Leno.
Guest:You can't do Leno.
Guest:Letterman.
Guest:Or Bill Maher is a good friend of mine, but I don't get on that show as much because I think it's just, I don't know.
Guest:Well, when you've got to bring stuff out.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, I can use words without God damn.
Guest:That's what I'm saying.
Guest:I can.
Guest:I love going on shows where I can actually just talk and be a human and not actually say, hey, I have a shovel to gather this hole.
Guest:I wish I had one right now.
Marc:To hit me in the head with.
Marc:But do you now in terms of opinions, you're confident in your ability to just be funny without all that stuff.
Marc:Have you been given the opportunity to do that?
Guest:Yeah, I've been in the opportunity to do that.
Guest:I mean, I've been on the Bill Maher show back in the day, whatever it was called.
Guest:Politically Incorrect.
Guest:Where I didn't have anything.
Guest:I always went to the coffee cup or the table.
Guest:I always did something.
Guest:But he used to say, see, you're funny without the stuff.
Guest:No, you are funny without the stuff.
Guest:And here's an even better example than that.
Guest:How about the thousands of radio shows that he's done to promote live dates that I've trailed some of these, where I'm headlining the local comedy club two weeks later, and I'm on Bob and Tom 2, and they go, hey, your buddy Carrot Top was in here, and we weren't sure what to expect because he does props.
Guest:He did the best radio interview we've ever had.
Guest:It's the most hilarious blah, blah, blah.
Guest:No, he's very quick.
Guest:He's the best ever.
Guest:No, they really bragged about you.
Guest:And some of the big ones, I mean, and radio, that tells the tale right there.
Guest:Because if people are not laughing when they're driving.
Marc:No.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:He's done Stern a bunch of times, too.
Guest:No, but Stern's one of those you're like, oh, I'm going to get fucked hard, you know?
Marc:He probably treats you well, though.
Guest:He did, but I didn't know that going into it.
Guest:I was sweating bullets.
Guest:I'm like, fuck.
Marc:Yeah, and they locked me in a little room.
Marc:They wouldn't let me out.
Guest:But he said to me, he's like, I don't know, fuck your stuff.
Guest:A little rock and roll, a little feathers in your hair.
Guest:You probably got a big cock on you.
Guest:I'm like, oh, God.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I guess so.
Marc:After all is said and done, after all this shit is gone, and now you're here around, this is two generations later.
Marc:I mean, you started in 87, so it's almost 25.
Marc:I'm almost a veteran.
Marc:No, you are a veteran, but you're also a carotop.
Marc:I'm a veteran.
Marc:But the weird thing is that there's a martyr element to all this.
Marc:Because eventually what happens is that whole generation of dudes that used to shit on you for when you were big in terms of the national...
Marc:you were making a lot of money, you were everywhere.
Marc:And people, a lot of that comes from envy and all that judgment.
Marc:These lines were drawn between real comics and not.
Marc:But the people that get old enough to live through all that shit and realize, holy fuck, this business isn't easy for anybody.
Marc:And this motherfucker has figured out to maintain a career in show business for 20 fucking years.
Marc:And not only that, but to do it to a level where, I mean, this is a nice house.
Marc:You got a nice gig.
Marc:I'm sure you don't want to be touring anymore.
Marc:The last thing you really want to be doing is...
Marc:trying to do colleges again.
Marc:Now you found a home here and you're making a lot of money that certain, you get old enough in this business and it's a fucking miracle that anyone can do that.
Marc:So the people that are man enough to appreciate that, like Carlin or even like Hicks in the end, to realize like, you know, fuck, it's just show business.
Marc:We're all going to die and you've made a living at it.
Marc:Who was I to be such a dick to you?
Marc:I mean, that's pretty profound.
Marc:You're like a Christ figure.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Carrot Top is Jesus.
Marc:You paid for all of our sins.
Marc:You took all of those hits, dude.
Guest:Thank you.
Guest:This is an intervention, Scott.
Marc:I think you should close your show with the luxury of being crucified.
Marc:The final prop is they wheel a cross out, and Carrot Top gets up.
Marc:I don't know what the punchline is, Charlie.
Marc:It can't be a real cross.
Marc:You're going to have to underplay the religious overtones of the possibility of being misinterpreted.
Guest:All right, but I mean that'd be awesome with it and then and then some sort of holograph of Hicks coming down as an angel and lifting you all up into heaven But there's a lot you know going back to that was one of the really Moments in my career that people really were like really angry But on my end, it's the same thing.
Guest:It's almost like going back to as dumb as the the tonight show talking about Conan and the thing it's like
Guest:People made their thing and then you sit back and you get all the shit for it.
Guest:But at the same time, you're like, I'm just doing my job.
Guest:I wasn't vying for the win.
Guest:It was just people said, they think that guy's funny.
Guest:And I'm like, fuck, I didn't want to win it.
Guest:I really was like, I don't want to go up there.
Guest:I remember them going, and I was like, fuck, really?
Guest:Fuck.
Marc:It was like a curse.
Guest:It really was.
Marc:Because that set up the judgment.
Marc:No.
Marc:That set the standard.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It was like being drafted by the Lions.
Marc:But now as you get older and... I don't get older.
Marc:I get a lot of work done.
Marc:What is that?
Marc:I look fabulous, don't I?
Guest:You do look fabulous.
Guest:But that's what people always say.
Guest:They say that too.
Guest:You know what happened from...
Guest:I was on a roast.
Guest:And Greg Geraldo, God bless him.
Guest:Did he apologize to you?
Guest:After.
Guest:After the roast or after he died?
Guest:They die.
Guest:They all die.
Guest:There is something about that.
Guest:But he brought up your face.
Guest:How are you getting back to the poems?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I think I'm walking.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:They're going to find me in the desert.
Guest:It's good, fellas.
Guest:It's a roast, right?
Guest:Naturally, it's all fun.
Guest:It's all game.
Guest:We're all comics.
Guest:We all know each other.
Guest:We're friends with Greg Drowler.
Guest:We were friends.
Guest:So it was more of like, okay, fuck you, and da-da-da.
Guest:It's a roast.
Guest:And so he said something like, Jesus Christ, how much fucking face we're going to get done?
Guest:I mean, literally, just being...
Guest:Mean because maybe I looked good.
Guest:I worked out.
Guest:He said, how many fucking steroids?
Guest:My God, how many hours are you going to spend in the gym?
Guest:And I remember I got up there and I said, I'm sorry to all the fat fucking unfunny fat comics that don't take care of themselves.
Guest:Sorry, I look good.
Guest:And everybody went nuts and they all applauded.
Guest:But at that time, it was just a line.
Guest:And people took that out of context and put on things and said, is it face work done?
Guest:No, not really.
Guest:I had face work done.
Guest:Did you?
Guest:No, I didn't have to.
Guest:Not tough.
Guest:You can't see from this light.
Marc:This lighting is horrible.
Marc:But you do spend a lot of time at the gym, or you did?
Guest:I did, yeah.
Guest:I don't as much anymore.
Marc:Was that just a compulsive behavior?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Anger again.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:This is, look at me.
Guest:This is what I do with my hate.
Guest:No, I don't know.
Guest:I went through a phase of working out, but I wasn't like, yeah, you know.
Marc:But because you're you.
Guest:That's the dark chapter in the book, you know.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Like, why?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Come on, spill it.
Guest:No, it's just people have their ways of just being like, oh, God, you know, they have their own thing.
Guest:They just like to fuck with me.
Guest:And that was another ammunition, I guess, in a sense, for them to go after.
Marc:But I think it's only because you're you.
Marc:That's what I'm saying.
Marc:Exactly.
Marc:it's a weird thing because i now that i'm sitting here talking about it to realize it that like i know a lot of people that go through these weird physical fitness things and may even do roids or whatever they're going to do but because it's carrot top they just don't expect the you know why is the clown all ripped well if you look at scott too to look unusual he looks androgynous and and weird anyway i mean with the red hair and all the stuff he's saying this this guy works i am saying it now yes
Guest:Well, his girlfriend doesn't think he does, but I'm a guy.
Guest:So, I mean, he just has always looked a little strange to me.
Guest:You know, back in the day, I played a club in Daytona Beach.
Guest:It was in a biker bar.
Guest:I mean, it was, I remember it was called Big Al's Biker City Bar or whatever.
Guest:And I went to the condo.
Guest:They had comedy condos.
Guest:And I went back to take a shower or whatever the fuck.
Guest:I don't know who my opening act, I don't know who it is.
Guest:It's Alan Bursky.
Guest:And I don't know who Alan Bursky is to save my life.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:And I get to this.
Guest:It's a shithole.
Guest:I mean, really bad.
Guest:And there's like 20 people there.
Guest:And it's like NASCAR weekend.
Guest:And I get there.
Guest:And I'm like, what the fuck?
Guest:I walk in the door.
Guest:And I see this.
Guest:I can hear my act or what I had.
Guest:I only had 20 props.
Guest:And four were funny.
Guest:I'm like, what the fuck is he?
Guest:I hear like, here's a thing with a thing on it.
Guest:And I'm like, there's a guy on stage doing my, what the fuck?
Guest:He's pulling my things out.
Guest:But he just goes, here's a, and I'm like, what the?
Guest:And I say to the, I'm like, I'm freaking out because I don't have any time.
Guest:He didn't know what they were either.
Guest:No, he's like, here's a thing with a thing on it.
Guest:And I'm like, I say that.
Guest:So all of a sudden, the owl guy, he's like, who's going on?
Guest:I said, he can't do that.
Guest:So they cut the mic.
Guest:He comes off.
Guest:I go up and I do whatever I did.
Guest:Whatever you had left.
Guest:I had left, exactly.
Guest:I go, let me do it right.
Guest:It's a booth.
Guest:Get done.
Guest:There's a second show.
Guest:I come off and I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?
Guest:And he's like,
Guest:Hey, kid, first of all, you lose the fucking prop, put a fucking suit on.
Guest:He's yelling at me in the kitchen.
Guest:I said, I don't know who you are.
Guest:What, 10 years later, I'm like, do you don't remember pulling my act out?
Guest:He's like, I did better with the theft than you did, and I didn't even know what it was.
Guest:I was just going, look, a thing with a thing.
Guest:And I'm like, goddamn Bursky.
Guest:I can never, ever.
Guest:That's his first name, by the way, goddamn Bursky.
Marc:Is he alive?
Marc:Yes, he's alive.
Marc:He's a little weasel.
Marc:I guess what I want you to do... I hope he's listening.
Guest:He doesn't have any cash.
Guest:He'll figure it out.
Guest:He won't ever hear this.
Marc:If you were able to say one thing to all those years of that shit, what would it be?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Do you take the anger out on yourself?
Marc:I would be fucking furious.
Guest:No, I don't know.
Guest:No, I'm fine.
Guest:I'm good now.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He takes it out on me.
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I do, actually.
Guest:Sometimes I just come up and punch him.
Guest:Do you?
Guest:I just punch him.
Guest:What the fuck did I do?
Guest:I threw a glass of Jack Daniels on my feet tonight during the show.
Guest:Bastard.
Guest:You did?
Guest:No, I think it's fun.
Guest:You know, it's good.
Guest:It's, you know, like you said, 20 years or whatever.
Guest:At the end of the day, you just kind of go...
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:People think too much about this.
Guest:It's just a job.
Guest:You go up there and make people laugh or don't make them laugh.
Guest:Do you have fun?
Guest:You always have the next night.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:You always have fun.
Guest:I mean, at the end of the day, it's still fun.
Guest:There's those moments that's not fun.
Guest:But I will say it takes less time to get over something than it did.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, I would hold on to it forever.
Guest:And then like an hour after the show, it's and I'm like, yeah, fuck it.
Guest:There's always tomorrow.
Guest:But do you forgive all those people that shit?
Guest:the people in the audience no i'm talking about the people that shit on you yeah yeah yeah yeah no i don't really i don't hold a grudge to anybody no not really because i know at the end of the day it's just it's just comics being comics and like like on the roast be like wow did that really upset you that he said that i'm like no we're just fucking with each other it's just a job but you don't you know you believe that though
Guest:Yeah, I do believe that.
Guest:Have you ever had a moment where you're like, you fuck.
Guest:Why the fuck did you say that?
Guest:No, I've had moments where I've said to people that I wish to find out why they might not.
Guest:Like a Dennis Miller when he wrote me on, like he was on some shit.
Guest:He had a show.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he used to always rip me.
Guest:I used to say fucks.
Guest:fuck, I love Dennis Miller.
Guest:I really love watching him or Bill Maher.
Guest:And if they say something negative, you kind of go, fuck, that sucks.
Guest:I really want that guy to like me because I love them.
Guest:Like a Conan.
Guest:I love Conan.
Guest:When I see Conan, he's like, hey.
Guest:I'm like, oh, that's cool because I love that guy.
Guest:Or Letterman.
Guest:He's been nice to me.
Guest:He's always like, hey, how you doing?
Guest:That's the biggest thrill in the world.
Guest:It's if you can't figure out why they don't like you, like a personal as opposed to just a general kind of thing.
Marc:Yeah, see, that's the weird thing, because when I had that thing with Adam Sandler, and I had made a joke about him, and...
Guest:Which again was the most hilarious thing ever.
Marc:But he came up to me, you know.
Guest:Yeah, I heard that.
Marc:Well, but the thing was, it wasn't even really about him.
Marc:It was about, you know, it was mocking what he represents.
Guest:Exactly.
Marc:And he came up to me at the improv and he said, you know, I heard you talking about me.
Marc:And I said, yeah, I did it on television.
Marc:And he said, you know, why you got to do that?
Marc:And I'm like, and there was part of my mind where I'm like, you know, you're a cultural icon.
Marc:You know, you represent something.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So I should be able to make fun of that as a comic because you're a cultural icon that represents something.
Marc:But then if I go a little deeper, I thought that his stuff was infantile.
Marc:But still, even then, why should that bother me?
Marc:Your premise is like, hey, we're all in show business.
Marc:We're comics.
Marc:Why does it have to be me or you?
Marc:But then when you get to somebody like Hicks or somebody like myself at maybe a different point,
Marc:you know there's a very easy jump from like well if everybody likes carotop you know why the am i even bothering you know trying to communicate with those people because that is so simple it's just entertainment and and he represents this force a cultural force that is making people retarded
Marc:But I had to grow into the idea.
Marc:I had to grow into the realization that we're all in show business, and it's amazing that any of us can do the work.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But still, if you're a cultural satirist, you know, if you're... Yeah, I think, no, I think, yeah, I don't know what you and Sandler had.
Marc:I think there are comics that would make fun of you because of what you represent, but not because they don't like you.
Guest:They don't like me, exactly.
Guest:You know, and that's, yeah.
Guest:What's the guy, Drew Carey?
Marc:Drew Carey, yeah.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:My cousin, God bless her, she goes to a Drew Carey book signing in Phoenix.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I don't know if she's going to this thing.
Guest:I have no clue.
Guest:Right.
Guest:All I know is she calls me and she's like, I'm trying to get my book signed from Drew Carey.
Guest:And I said, oh, I know Drew.
Guest:She goes, well, can you do anything?
Guest:I said, I don't have a way to get a hold of Drew Carey, and it's happening right now.
Guest:Right.
Guest:She gets up to the fucking thing.
Guest:She waits an hour.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He gets up there, and she goes, I'm Carey Top's cousin.
Guest:And he goes, oh, that's cool.
Guest:Well, who's the book to?
Guest:She's like...
Guest:I'm Patty.
Guest:He's like, great.
Guest:And it's like, you know, let's go.
Guest:So she's like, I'm Carrot Top's cousin.
Guest:He's like, I heard you.
Guest:And she's like, what do you think of?
Guest:He goes, Scott.
Guest:But it's like, I'm already, I'm just getting, I'm like, my cousin's, I'm like, just fucking get your book signed.
Guest:But I never forget that she said, would you know Carrot Top?
Guest:He said, I know Carrot Top.
Guest:What do you think of him?
Guest:He is a very nice guy.
Guest:I've known him.
Guest:I've known Drew forever.
Guest:He's really nice.
Guest:I love him.
Guest:Do you think he's funny?
Guest:I said he's nice.
Wow.
Guest:And I remember saying, she's like, that was kind of dickish.
Guest:I'm like, no, he was probably being honest.
Guest:Like, I don't know if he's funny, but he's nice.
Guest:He's a nice guy.
Guest:I've had people see comics before.
Guest:What do you think here?
Guest:He's a nice guy.
Guest:I don't know when I go by it to go see a show, but he's a nice guy.
Guest:Does that bother you?
Guest:No, because I think it doesn't really matter.
Guest:In a lot of the cases, it's people who haven't ever seen the show, too.
Guest:No, seriously, that part is true.
Guest:But that's true.
Guest:No, I think that's one of the bad things about Bing also is if you don't see the show, because if you just see a Tonight Show spot or one of those TV things where you get, you know this, right?
Guest:You get four and a half minutes.
Guest:Yeah, it's hard.
Guest:Well, everything's out of context of even a stand-up.
Guest:Things that are just bam, bam, bam, props, nothing else.
Guest:And it's all out of sequitur.
Guest:There's nothing right.
Guest:So you see the live show, there's stand-up, there's music cues, there's things.
Guest:It's kind of a show.
Guest:It's more of a get-to-know and kind of a, you kind of, I don't know, it's just more of a whole thing as opposed to they go, like people always say, the guy from the AT&T commercials, when I did that, they go, yeah.
Guest:What does he do for a fucking hour and a half?
Guest:Talking about phone commercials?
Guest:I know he does his act.
Guest:What kind of act?
Guest:And I go, comedy, like props?
Guest:So they don't know.
Guest:So that's not really in their bad, but I'm saying when people do come see the show, they do say usually, that's nothing what I thought it was going to be like.
Guest:I didn't even know you cursed.
Guest:I didn't know you did, it was blue.
Guest:I didn't know you did stand-up.
Guest:I didn't know you communicated.
Guest:I didn't even know you wore fucking normal clothes.
Guest:I thought you were just like, hey, it's getting them.
Guest:Again, my Jay Leno impression.
Marc:It's interesting, though, because it's true that most comics were just on principle
Marc:I'm not going.
Marc:And then when they go, they're like, that's like a whole thing.
Guest:Yeah, then they're surprised.
Guest:It's like a pop concert.
Guest:They leave and they're surprised every single time.
Guest:I mean, I've gotten people hundreds of tickets, and trust me, I know all the snarkiest of the snarky in L.A.
Guest:and New York that would love to just slap him around.
Guest:I don't want to talk shit, and they've never seen it, and I get a couple of tickets, and they go, you're right, Charlie.
Guest:You said a couple hundred tickets, so if you haven't got a couple hundred tickets, I have a bigger house right now.
Guest:No, but I think anytime people feel threatened, when you're talking about people going on the line, either or, that's when people feel threatened and forced to make a decision.
Guest:And a lot of that comes from, this will sound maybe too weird or deep or maybe stupid, but people's fear of death.
Guest:It's people's fear of death.
Guest:How do you figure?
Guest:Well, there was a great psychiatrist or writer, I think he was a psychiatrist, named Ernest Becker.
Marc:Becker, yeah, he's one of my favorites.
Guest:Yeah, I love Ernest Becker.
Guest:And his theory on cultural...
Guest:He wrote about this.
Guest:He had a show on CBS.
Guest:I know the guy.
Guest:Yeah, flesh it out.
Guest:As broad as what he was talking about with regards to religion and politics and war and culture.
Marc:People need to feel part of something.
Guest:I think it can be applied to something as insignificant as comedy.
Guest:In what way?
Guest:In the sense that
Guest:people feel threatened.
Guest:Say another comic watches him and says, hey, that's different.
Guest:That's not me.
Guest:And so instead of going, wow, that's different, and either not paying attention to it, they feel threatened, so it's on their turf.
Guest:Wait a second.
Guest:What's this redheaded guy with props?
Guest:It's not that they're thinking, oh, this isn't funny, or ooh, that's...
Guest:Too weird for me.
Guest:They're thinking, that threatens what I do.
Guest:I just stand there and talk.
Guest:And that threat makes them fear death in the sense that death is, as us comics say, dying.
Guest:Like, how was your show?
Guest:I killed.
Guest:Like, I did good.
Guest:You killed them.
Guest:Or I died.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Can the audience also be involved in that as like their threat?
Guest:Like, oh, I don't like this fucking guy.
Guest:No, no.
Marc:But what I'm I think they're observers.
Marc:That's different.
Marc:The thing is that it was a success and the fact that he won that award and that he was this huge college act and everybody knew who he was, that there is something to be said for that.
Marc:That's sort of like, you know, we have to shut this down or else there's going to be too much expected of us.
Guest:It threatens their very existence.
Guest:We have to shut this down.
Marc:If this gets out of hand, I'm going to need to buy some shit.
Guest:It threatens their existence in a hypothetical way.
Guest:But not their actual human existence, but their projected, their career existence.
Guest:You know what I really want to do?
Guest:What?
Guest:I want to do, and it's only, I think, from my own personal gain on this, nothing really people give a fuck.
Guest:But we always talk about doing a Letterman spot.
Guest:And not even Leno, Letterman, like a really high classy show.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Not Leno.
Guest:It's not high class.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:But I mean... You mean a show more known for monology.
Guest:Jay's always been the best to me.
Guest:No, I mean, I meant like something out of... Because I'm always a Leno guy.
Guest:They always say... Known for monology.
Guest:I mean more like a show that you wouldn't imagine me being on.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:A Letterman.
Guest:I got it.
Guest:And do a set.
Guest:Straight set.
Guest:No props.
Guest:And you come out literally like a... Not a turtleneck.
Guest:But you know what I mean?
Guest:Like just something... Maybe even a suit.
Guest:Who knows?
Guest:You didn't even have to be over the top.
Guest:Like go that far.
Guest:Just come out and be like...
Guest:Why don't you ask Conan?
Guest:I should ask Conan.
Guest:He let you do it.
Guest:I'm sure he would.
Guest:He probably would.
Guest:Of course he would.
Guest:I love Conan.
Guest:I really do.
Marc:It could have two levels.
Marc:If you did it, people would be expecting, where's the punchline to this?
Marc:Right.
Marc:And just the fact that you're doing a straight monologue.
Marc:And then walk off, they're like, wow, he didn't even touch it.
Marc:What just happened?
Guest:See, I think that'd be cool.
Guest:And only from really, I don't think people would even.
Guest:Do you have the set?
Guest:No.
Guest:Yeah, we've worked on that.
Guest:I said it's something I wanted to do.
Guest:I don't know what happened.
Marc:We've worked on that a little bit.
Marc:Would you feel comfortable?
Marc:Could you do that?
Guest:Well, that's, I don't know.
Guest:I'd find out.
Guest:I mean, could you do four and a half minutes without being like, oh, God.
Guest:He does it every night in a regular show.
Guest:I do it every night, yeah.
Guest:I have a whole set of stuff where I don't touch anything.
Guest:For about eight minutes, ten minutes, maybe.
Marc:Is there a way you could put it together where it would have some irony as opposed to just satisfying this urge to do four and a half minutes?
Marc:Could you actually get up there and do a four and a half minute set with no props but describe the props as jokes?
Marc:This is an idea.
Guest:We start out seriously.
Guest:It comes out like there's a light on me, there's nothing.
Guest:And I'm going for two minutes.
Guest:And all of a sudden it's just like...
Guest:fuck and then i go when i start going to my prop right like i've really got them thinking oh this fucking guy's gonna do this yeah i go i can't i'm out of this yeah i start doing or i just do one and i go so it's right there yeah at least i have my little safety net if you if you really created some like uh like a californish kind of vibe to it where you come out with your shit and then you go into the box and you just have that moment you're like i can't do it yeah that's what i mean that's what i'm saying i can't do it i can't do it oh anyway
Marc:then you start pulling out it's like this stupid yeah and then like you just snap yeah yeah what would you say i don't know that's funny though that's a good idea like if you were to say like sort of like you don't think i know what you've been saying about me for 20 years
Marc:You don't think... And then just fucking lose it.
Marc:Like for like four minutes, just do a rant.
Marc:Nice.
Marc:Four-minute rant?
Marc:And then get a prop.
Marc:It's just like you'll burn out some steam.
Guest:It's funny.
Guest:We designed a poster.
Guest:I love that idea.
Guest:We were looking for a new big giant billboards for Vegas.
Guest:And Scott and I sat down and we're trying to come up with weird ideas.
Guest:And one of them was something like that.
Guest:The poster that said like...
Guest:So message from Carrot Top.
Guest:Do you not think I know what you guys have been saying about me for 20 years?
Guest:Come to the Luxor and let me change your mind.
Guest:Love Carrot Top.
Guest:And that's all it said.
Guest:And that was a concept that we had.
Guest:So we had to pay for each word.
Guest:Right.
Guest:It wouldn't fit on the billboard.
Guest:Literally, we don't want something else.
Guest:But that was something that we had talked about and designed.
Guest:We actually designed it.
Guest:At an angle, we were kind of making fun of ourselves.
Guest:We were just going to do anything.
Marc:For some reason, the thing that's coming into my head is that you create a carrot top doll that looks just like you.
Marc:And then your closing prop bit would be that, you know, you take off the red hair, you take off the outfit, and it's just a dude in a suit.
Marc:And it's like, is this what you want?
Guest:That's heavy.
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:I like that.
Marc:Is this what you want?
Guest:Some of the carrot top fanatics.
Marc:That's great.
Marc:It'd be funny if you actually, if you.
Marc:That's funny.
Marc:That's wild, dude.
Marc:Like if you were to come out, but I mean, then it would require that.
Marc:Then you'd have to be in that weird position where you do this.
Marc:You cut your hair and everything.
Marc:If you did it for real, you cut your hair for the bit on Conan where you go out with a suit, with a haircut, with no makeup on, and you just do a straight stand-up set.
Marc:But then you'd have to go back to your show and you have to buy a wig.
Marc:Is this what you want?
Marc:Is this what you people want?
Marc:Do you have Carrot Top Fanatics?
Marc:Are there people that come to your shows over and over again?
They're sitting right across.
Guest:There's a bunch.
Guest:No, he works for you.
Guest:Everybody knows.
Guest:More people know who he is.
Guest:It's unbelievable.
Guest:And this is one that I love.
Guest:I had a lady tonight a sign and said, well, you marry me.
Guest:I want some beta-carotene or whatever the fuck she said.
Guest:Beta-carotene kids?
Guest:And I said, how about some carrot juice?
Guest:I can whatever.
Guest:This is my favorite.
Guest:I get my fanatics.
Guest:This is my favorite of all stories.
Guest:Scott and I are walking.
Guest:And nobody gives him more shit than I do, by the way.
Guest:I give him the most shit.
Guest:We're walking down the sidewalk, and I was complaining about something.
Guest:It was in San Francisco.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:This was in New York.
Guest:He just taped a Regis or something, and I always say that he's like a media darling.
Guest:He'd done great.
Guest:And the set was really good, but there was a couple of little silly things on there.
Guest:I was like, God damn.
Guest:All you did was pick that thing up, and Regis went apeshit.
Guest:I can't even get booked at Caroline's and I'm giving him shit, you know, and I'm going and all this stuff.
Guest:And I said, like, everybody fucking knows who you are.
Guest:And he's like, no, I'm working hard.
Guest:I'm just, you know, it's just a show.
Guest:And he's giving me shit back.
Guest:So we're walking in the street in New York and there on the sidewalk on the ground laying down was a homeless guy.
Guest:Covered.
Guest:He's covered in his own piss and shit.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:Is he hurt?
Guest:And this guy's sitting there.
Guest:He's got all his stuff.
Guest:And we walk by and we get like two feet past him.
Guest:And the guy goes, hey.
Guest:And I don't know why, we both turned and he goes, Carrot Top, I like you.
Guest:And I remember this, you're like, fuck!
Guest:God damn it, I think I left.
Guest:No, you kicked in, you broke in the glass of Bloomingdale's.
Guest:No, I didn't.
Guest:And you're like, fucking.
Guest:But I got fucking, I was like, you gotta be kidding me.
Guest:This goddamn homeless guy knows who the fuck you, he doesn't, he can't even read, he's got no teeth, he's laying on the sidewalk in his own piss and he knows who you are.
Guest:And you were like, well, and all of a sudden he didn't have an argument with me anymore as to, well, you know, things are, you know, they're just going okay.
Guest:He's like, well, and I go, fuck!
Guest:And I took off in the middle of the street.
Guest:No, I actually went, that's fucking awesome.
Marc:Well, you know, this has been good.
Marc:Do you feel good about it?
Guest:That ending wasn't so hot.
Marc:Well, no, let's clear it up, though.
Marc:Let's make sure I get the controversial things out of the way.
Marc:No face work done.
Guest:No face work, fuck.
Guest:I'd look better if I had face work, by the way.
Marc:You did some steroids in your life, but not anymore.
Marc:A little bit.
Guest:I didn't do steroids.
Guest:Investigate journalism just a little bit.
Marc:Come on, man.
Guest:Not a taste?
Guest:Geraldo live from the cave.
Marc:All right, so you didn't do steroids.
Marc:You just somehow managed to get no body weight, no body fat.
Guest:No, I'm very lean anyhow.
Guest:I've been seeing eye on me all night long.
Guest:I'm very just lean.
Guest:I'm a fucking machine.
Guest:I run and I work out every day.
Guest:I've always been... If you look back at me 30 years ago,
Guest:I have the same build.
Guest:I was a swimmer, a wrestler, all that stuff.
Marc:You were a wrestler?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Not like a high school wrestler.
Marc:That's another thing you could do.
Marc:Maybe you should be a professional wrestler.
Marc:I'm not into any of that shit.
Marc:Because the name is good.
Marc:I fucking hate... Just as a goof.
Guest:You know what I hate?
Guest:Wrestling.
Guest:I hate all that shit.
Guest:Why?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Those people...
Guest:The spectacle of it?
Guest:I don't like that this, it just never has appealed to me.
Guest:Really?
Guest:The wrestling, no.
Guest:I know Hulk Hogan.
Guest:But they're sort of like what we do in a way.
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, but I've always just, it's funny.
Marc:Someone calling you?
Guest:I've always thought, I've always thought that was just weird.
Guest:I don't like wrestling.
Guest:All right, Charlie's gone.
Guest:Let's talk about him.
Guest:But no, because people said before, they pitched me that.
Guest:He was like, hey, we'll do the WWF and you go out there.
Guest:Oh, they did, really?
Guest:Oh, yeah, many times.
Guest:And I'm like, I'm not fucking wrestling anybody.
Guest:And they're like, oh, it'll be fun.
Guest:It'll be great because you're in shape.
Guest:You'll throw a guy down.
Guest:I'm like, you know, Andy Kaufman got fucked up with that, too.
Guest:No, I just don't like that whole scene.
Marc:Who are your favorite comics before we go?
Marc:My favorite comics?
Marc:I mean, like the guys you grew up liking.
Guest:Well, Carlin was always someone that I enjoyed and admired because not only was he funny and just brilliantly brave to take on the things he took.
Guest:He reminded me of my father.
Guest:He actually has my dad's build, and he stands like him, and he always had this little face expression.
Guest:He would talk about abortion and then talk about farting in the same sentence.
Marc:Your dad would do that?
Guest:No, Carlin.
Guest:My dad would just talk about farting.
Guest:But it was weird because I just thought, that's my dad, you know.
Marc:Did you grow up in like a religious family?
Marc:Not at all, no.
Marc:How many sisters and brothers do you have?
Marc:I have one brother.
Marc:How old is he?
Guest:He's older than me by three years.
Marc:Talk to him?
Guest:He's 32.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You talk to him?
Guest:Yeah, I talked to him today.
Guest:Oh, so you get along with him?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:That's nice.
Guest:He's a pilot.
Guest:He's like, I always say, hey, my brother and I have one thing to count.
Guest:We can both drink while we're on the job.
Guest:Good night.
Guest:Hey, thank you.
Guest:But yeah, he's a pilot.
Guest:He's an Air Force pilot that retired now.
Marc:One thing I can report from the Caratoc compound is he seems well adjusted.
Marc:The house is very nice.
Marc:His girlfriend is lovely.
Marc:He doesn't look as ripped as he used to.
Guest:No, I've lost about 30 pounds actually.
Marc:Of muscle?
Marc:Of, yeah.
Marc:On purpose?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Did you just look at my stomach like I'm fat?
Guest:No, I just, I looked down to see how much time we have left in this thing.
Guest:No, we can stop.
Guest:No, I'm kidding.
Guest:No, I did.
Guest:I did.
Guest:In fact, the guy from the MGM tonight said, you okay?
Guest:You look sick.
Guest:I'm like, I'm not sick.
Guest:You look like you lost a lot of weight.
Guest:That's not good when they say that, right?
Guest:It's good when they say you lost weight, you look good.
Guest:No, you look lanky.
Guest:If they say if you lost weight and you look horrible, that's different.
Marc:You look like you're back to what you used to.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Lanky?
Guest:Yeah, you're lanky.
Marc:I like lanky.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Are you happy with everything that's gone on here, Charlie?
Marc:Of course, Mark.
Marc:Did I miss anything I needed to cover?
Guest:No, I think that you seem to have covered everything.
Guest:Thanks for coming.
Guest:I'm a big fan of... Whatever I'm doing?
Guest:No, you've always been someone that I admired.
Guest:And then the fact that we befriended each other.
Guest:Yeah, we did all right.
Guest:It's been nice.
Guest:I like it.
Marc:I'm here to show the world that Carrot Top is actually Jesus.
Marc:Of course, he'll edit this thing and I'll look like a schmuck.
Guest:I like the way you put that.
Guest:That's a perfect name.
Guest:I like that.
Guest:Carrot top is Jesus.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I like that idea.
Guest:The last thing I like, so I just be crucified.
Guest:I think that's your closer.
Marc:We should fucking do that.
Marc:That's a good show.
Marc:Now I'm pitching a short film.
Marc:Well, it was great talking to you.
Marc:Thanks for doing it.
Good night, everybody.
Marc:Well, that's it.
Marc:That's our WTF for today.
Marc:That was Caratop, a.k.a.
Marc:Scott Thompson.
Marc:You heard Charlie Viracola in there, his Red West.
Marc:And, you know, we did what we did, and it was interesting to be at his house.
Marc:I hope you enjoyed that conversation.
Marc:Look, if you need anything WTF-related, please go to WTFpod.com.
Marc:Get on the mailing list.
Marc:You know, kick in a few shekels if you want.
Marc:We got new merch coming.
Marc:You can check the episode guide to see what you've missed or what you haven't missed.
Marc:Get a link to the apps for the iPhone, iPad, iPod Touch, Droid.
Marc:Do that kind of stuff.
Marc:As you may or may not know, I will be in San Francisco at the Punchline, November 2nd through 5th.
Marc:I will be at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, November 25th.
Marc:That's a big show.
Marc:I'd like you to come out.
Marc:It's a theater show.
Marc:I'm excited to be working up there, and I always like going to Seattle.
Marc:It'll be nice.
Marc:We'll do Thanksgiving together.
Marc:What else?
Marc:Oh, I don't know.
Marc:I hope you liked Carrot Top.
Marc:Thanks for listening to my show.
Marc:JustCoffee.coop.
Marc:Always go there.
Marc:I think I need a cup now.
Marc:I do.
Marc:I'm going to go get one.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I'll talk to you later.