Episode 210 - Brendon Walsh

Episode 210 • Released September 14, 2011 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Guest:Lock the gates!

00:00:07Guest:Are we doing this?

00:00:08Guest:Really?

00:00:08Guest:Wait for it.

00:00:09Guest:Are we doing this?

00:00:10Guest:Wait for it.

00:00:12Guest:Pow!

00:00:12Guest:What the fuck?

00:00:14Guest:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?

00:00:16Guest:What's wrong with me?

00:00:17Guest:It's time for WTF!

00:00:19Guest:What the fuck?

00:00:20Guest:With Marc Maron.

00:00:24Marc:Okay, let's do this.

00:00:25Marc:How are you?

00:00:26Marc:What the fuckers?

00:00:26Marc:What the fuck buddies?

00:00:27Marc:What the fuck in ears?

00:00:28Marc:What the fuck nicks?

00:00:29Marc:What the fuck a logians?

00:00:31Marc:Huh?

00:00:31Marc:How do you like that?

00:00:33Marc:What the fuck a logians?

00:00:35Marc:I never think that there's going to be new ones and there are new ones.

00:00:37Marc:This is Mark Marin.

00:00:38Marc:This is WTF, the podcast that I host that you are listening to.

00:00:44Marc:I'm not going to waste airtime here.

00:00:46Marc:I'm not going to ramble with nothing to say.

00:00:49Marc:I would never do that to you.

00:00:51Marc:Am I the kind of guy that would sit on a mic and just waste your time talking about how he's not going to waste your time, but in effect, actually wasting your time?

00:01:01Marc:For example, like what I'm doing right now would be a great example of what I'm talking about.

00:01:06Marc:Quit burning up airtime, Marin.

00:01:09Marc:That was so meta.

00:01:10Marc:I just called myself Marin as if it wasn't me.

00:01:12Marc:I just spoke my own name in the third person.

00:01:15Marc:Come on, dude.

00:01:16Marc:Just fucking deal with it.

00:01:17Marc:I did it again.

00:01:17Marc:Twice.

00:01:18Marc:Double meta.

00:01:19Marc:Meta times two.

00:01:21Marc:Meta squared.

00:01:22Marc:All right.

00:01:22Marc:Look, I have things to say.

00:01:24Marc:We got a good episode today.

00:01:25Marc:We got Brendan Walsh.

00:01:27Marc:He's one of the great he's very earnest, very upfront, very funny, very fucking real.

00:01:32Marc:That's Brendan Walsh.

00:01:34Marc:That's going to happen in a few minutes.

00:01:36Marc:I did just get back from New York City.

00:01:38Marc:I did fly there on 9-11.

00:01:42Marc:I flew on 9-11 without thinking about flying on 9-11 because why would I want to think about that?

00:01:47Marc:Because if I thought about it, I would think, fuck, I'm not sure I want to fly into New York on 9-11 on the 10th anniversary of 9-11.

00:01:55Marc:And then I realized that's probably the safest day ever to fly in a plane.

00:01:59Marc:And then I realized what a fine tribute to the legacy of 9-11.

00:02:06Marc:What better tribute could there be to the memory of those lost and to fly fearlessly into New York?

00:02:12Marc:Not into, I mean, to fly...

00:02:15Marc:to new york on 9-11 and it was an amazing day it was a beautiful day i got off the plane and it was just uh it was clear but it was somber i did i did have feelings i did not watch any of the television coverage as a matter of fact on that day i went to a comedy club that night i went to visit louis ck so all the those of you who are like you guys friends did you work it out he's still hanging we uh spent some time

00:02:39Marc:talked about stuff for a few hours but before when I was waiting to go to his house I went to a comedy club stand-up New York and I hadn't been there in a long time I've not been into the clubs in New York in a while because I tend to go to Brooklyn where I do the live WTFs or I do uh do my stand-up in Union Hall I've kind of been on hiatus from New York comedy clubs for a couple years it seems

00:03:01Marc:And I went into Stand Up New York, and they'd redone the place, and I just wanted to watch the show, so I stepped into the room, and the guy on stage brought me on stage.

00:03:08Marc:I'd just gotten there from Nashville.

00:03:09Marc:I had no desire to go on stage, was not prepared to go on stage.

00:03:12Marc:And I know you think, like, you do this all the time, but it had been a long time since I was brought up on stage without any idea I was going to be brought up on stage.

00:03:21Marc:And I stumbled.

00:03:24Marc:It was a very humbling moment to be like, I had no idea I was going to... Well, I guess I should just...

00:03:31Marc:I know how to do this.

00:03:33Marc:There was that moment.

00:03:34Marc:But then I got off.

00:03:36Marc:And I watched some of the TV in the bar there.

00:03:38Marc:And the sound was off.

00:03:39Marc:And it was something in a stadium.

00:03:40Marc:I saw President Bush.

00:03:42Marc:It was a 9-11 event.

00:03:45Marc:And it was President Bush walking across the field, waving at the crowd.

00:03:48Marc:And the first thing that clicked in my mind was, did they just introduce him as a... And now the guy who let it happen.

00:03:56Marc:Please welcome...

00:03:58Marc:Former president of the United States, George W. Bush, the fella that let it happen, and then got us into a war that had nothing to do with 9-11 whatsoever.

00:04:08Marc:Give it up for him.

00:04:08Marc:How about a standing ovation for the chap that let it happen?

00:04:14Marc:I doubt that's how they brought him, but I don't want to get political, but you know how my brain works sometimes.

00:04:19Marc:What I did want to say is, coincidentally, I was in New York for the premiere of my friend Jody Lennon's documentary about me.

00:04:26Marc:uh i think i believe she calls it uh the voice of something now this was shot on september 19th 2001 like seven days after the attack and it was just uh she had been doing profiles of performers and artists a short documentary profiles and she just happened to uh

00:04:45Marc:to do me that day and followed me around for like 10 hours now i hadn't seen this footage in 10 years and she got in touch with me a few months ago and said i'm putting this together do you mind and i said well i better take a look at it i don't know if i act appropriately like how self-involved and narcissistic and and uh kind of uh detached was i from it because i'm a little nervous i don't want to

00:05:08Marc:to look weird or make me look bad.

00:05:10Marc:But, you know, I was all those things, but I was also very concerned and I was trying very hard to work in that environment.

00:05:16Marc:And it was very interesting.

00:05:18Marc:And I'd like you guys to see it because, you know, I'm not generally happy with things that have me in them.

00:05:23Marc:But she showed it at the Whiplash show at the UCB in New York.

00:05:29Marc:And it looked great and it went over well.

00:05:32Marc:And I thought it was an interesting show.

00:05:35Marc:a look at that week or so after 9-11, something you certainly haven't seen on any of the television stations.

00:05:41Marc:But there are other opportunities to see it.

00:05:43Marc:I am going to be showing it.

00:05:44Marc:We are going to be showing it at the Live at the Bell House show on the 19th, this coming Monday.

00:05:50Marc:But she's also going to be showing it September 27th at 8 p.m.

00:05:54Marc:at the Pit in New York.

00:05:55Marc:She's also going to be showing it at UCB LA on October 4th.

00:06:00Marc:And she'll be showing it at the Annoyance Theater November 8th in Chicago.

00:06:05Marc:You can get all this information if you go to JodyLennon.com slash Marin.

00:06:10Marc:That's J-O-D-I-L-E-N-N-O-N.com slash Marin to see where she's going to be showing that.

00:06:17Marc:I think it was a very interesting thing.

00:06:20Marc:uh what else did i do in new york oh i was involved in a clandestine operation in staten island i can't really go into it uh but i did some spend some time in staten island i had not spent any time i think i've been to staten island once in my life and all i can say is that uh we were at the uh i was at the full cup coffee shop that's all i can let on about this uh

00:06:44Marc:So that's all I'm going to say.

00:06:46Marc:It was not mob related.

00:06:47Marc:I was not on an undercover operation, but I was in Staten Island for an entire day.

00:06:52Marc:That's all I'm going to say about that.

00:06:55Marc:Someday the truth will be revealed.

00:06:57Marc:I'm not playing a game here.

00:06:58Marc:It's not a prank.

00:06:59Marc:Not a prank guy.

00:07:01Marc:Let's talk about that because I talked to Brendan Walsh a lot about pranks and I've only talked to one other guy about pranks and I think I expressed my ideas about it.

00:07:08Marc:I just don't have the heart to be part of a prank because it just hurts me.

00:07:12Marc:I hate to see other people humiliated unless I'm feeling humiliated, which is most of the time, but that doesn't mean that I like pranks.

00:07:19Marc:I don't like pranks being played on me because it makes me feel even more humiliated than I do in a general way.

00:07:25Marc:But anyways, I think that a great example of, well, I had a great conversation with John Benjamin way back on episode 27 of WTF.

00:07:32Marc:Now look, if you have the WTF app or the premium subscription online, you can check out that episode, which also features an appearance from, come on now, come on now.

00:07:43Marc:That's his name.

00:07:43Marc:Come on now.

00:07:45Marc:Classic standup.

00:07:46Marc:Very underrated and

00:07:48Marc:Highly unknown.

00:07:49Marc:But let's play a little bit about that because this was funny.

00:07:52Marc:And a lot of you haven't heard it.

00:07:53Marc:This is me talking with John Benjamin about pranks.

00:07:58Marc:So tell me about some of these.

00:08:00Marc:You guys do these pranks on each other.

00:08:02Marc:And I don't understand that type of comedy.

00:08:05Marc:What do you mean?

00:08:07Guest:You and Sam.

00:08:09Guest:You're so ridiculous.

00:08:11Guest:You've never pulled a prank on someone?

00:08:13Guest:No, it's mean and hurtful.

00:08:15Guest:That's not true.

00:08:16Guest:It's not?

00:08:17Guest:No.

00:08:18Guest:Maybe you weren't the crying boy in seventh grade.

00:08:20Guest:Well, I mean, I can't take responsibility for your childhood.

00:08:23Guest:Why not?

00:08:24Guest:That's not fair.

00:08:25Marc:Well, okay, the prank you did on the phone, that was funny.

00:08:28Marc:So I call John.

00:08:29Guest:Wait, it was funny or it was... It was irritating.

00:08:33Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:08:34Marc:Here's my reaction to that prank.

00:08:36Marc:I'm an idiot.

00:08:36Marc:Why did I even fall for that?

00:08:38Guest:No, see, I take it differently.

00:08:40Guest:Let me explain what it was.

00:08:41Guest:I take it like I included you.

00:08:43Guest:Fine.

00:08:43Guest:And that's nice.

00:08:43Guest:So you call... The kid who no one liked, I included.

00:08:47Guest:Okay.

00:08:47Marc:Yes.

00:08:48Marc:Why, thank you.

00:08:49Marc:So you call John's cell phone and you get a message like, hey, this is John.

00:08:53Marc:If you need to reach me, my new cell phone number is... He gives his cell phone number.

00:08:58Guest:And then you're in your car.

00:08:59Guest:You're risking your life.

00:09:01Guest:You're calling anyways.

00:09:02Guest:And then you call the number that he leaves after you remember it while you're driving.

00:09:06Guest:And it's the same number.

00:09:13Guest:That one is working like a child.

00:09:16Guest:but i get a lot of that i do get a lot of that like what why why would you do like why did you waste my fucking time it's really funny to talk about but i didn't enjoy the experience at the time no if you're in your car if that's the way you died i would feel bad well maybe you should think about that yeah no i've done pranks phone pranks that have gone awry like what there's a long it's too long a story but it involved the fbi

00:09:44Guest:Let's hear it.

00:09:46Guest:And my friend Charlie.

00:09:46Guest:You know Charlie Fisher.

00:09:47Guest:I do.

00:09:47Guest:How's he doing?

00:09:48Guest:I don't know.

00:09:49Guest:I've got to call him while I'm out here.

00:09:51Guest:So, wait.

00:09:51Guest:No, this sounds good.

00:09:52Marc:Let's do this because this could be a great thing for the show.

00:09:55Guest:Okay.

00:09:55Marc:So, you and Charlie Fisher.

00:09:56Guest:This was a long time ago.

00:09:57Guest:Charlie Fisher was a friend of mine.

00:09:59Guest:He lived in Boston in the South End.

00:10:02Guest:And I would occasionally stay at his apartment when I didn't have other places to live.

00:10:08Guest:The gist of it was we were watching TV.

00:10:10Guest:We were getting high.

00:10:13Guest:And he was telling me the story about my mom is a ballet teacher.

00:10:18Guest:And me and Charlie grew up in the same town where his sister lived.

00:10:21Guest:So he was telling me that his sister's kids are going to go to this other ballet school that was in Worcester.

00:10:31Guest:It was kind of a rival to my mom's.

00:10:34Guest:Your mom taught ballet.

00:10:36Guest:My mom taught ballet.

00:10:37Guest:Okay.

00:10:38Guest:So I jokingly sort of said, you know, like, let's call her and, you know, give me her number.

00:10:43Guest:I'm going to call her and tell her not to do that.

00:10:47Guest:So he did, and I called their phone.

00:10:49Guest:It was a machine, and the message came on, and I left this message in an old lady voice or something.

00:10:58Guest:Like, you know, this is Diane from the Charlotte Klein Dance School.

00:11:06Guest:After reviewing your daughter's application, we don't feel she's ready for the Charlotte Klein program.

00:11:15Guest:Perhaps you should try...

00:11:17Guest:performing arts school or whatever.

00:11:19Guest:That was your mother's school?

00:11:21Guest:That was my mother's school.

00:11:22Guest:So it was dumb.

00:11:23Guest:And that was it.

00:11:26Guest:I hung up and I don't even think Charlie laughed.

00:11:29Guest:He was just watching porn.

00:11:31Guest:Yeah.

00:11:33Guest:So what happened was, like three weeks later, I got a call from Charlie saying, like, this is all fucked.

00:11:44LAUGHTER

00:11:44Guest:Like, this is fucked.

00:11:46Guest:Like, I went to Worcester, and we are fucked.

00:11:49Guest:Like, you're fucked.

00:11:50Guest:Like, what are you talking about?

00:11:51Guest:Your message.

00:11:53Guest:What?

00:11:55Guest:What?

00:11:56Guest:What do you mean?

00:11:58Guest:Well, his sister was like a lawyer who worked for his father, who was also a lawyer.

00:12:03Guest:It was a big, I think, divorce attorney in Worcester.

00:12:07Guest:Yeah.

00:12:08Guest:And the sister was representing, they were involved in a really, I guess, like ugly divorce case where the mother of the woman was involved somehow.

00:12:19Guest:And she was harassing Charlie's sister.

00:12:22Guest:Okay.

00:12:23Guest:Like with, you know, you fucking, you know, you wicked, you know, whatever.

00:12:26Guest:The mom was involved and was a mean, angry person.

00:12:29Right.

00:12:30Guest:So they took that message to be the mother of the woman involved in the case.

00:12:37Guest:Yeah.

00:12:38Guest:And they took that as a threat on Dee Dee's daughter's life because they know where the kid goes to ballet school.

00:12:47Guest:Right.

00:12:48Guest:Oh, my God.

00:12:51Guest:So apparently, like, in the three weeks before Charlie's call, they had called the FBI.

00:12:57Guest:They've made voice match...

00:13:00Guest:They pay, like, whatever, eight grand to do voice match from the machine, the tape of me going, this is Diane from the shop.

00:13:12Guest:I don't know how they jump, but apparently, like, whatever it was, they felt like, I must have sounded just like that woman.

00:13:19Guest:And that woman was, you know, making this veiled threat about, I know where your daughter goes to.

00:13:26Guest:Oh, my God.

00:13:27Guest:so i lived with sam cedar at the time and sam cedar you know has these devices where you record phone calls and yes and the the charlie's father called and we recorded it i don't know if he still has it but i mean he was he was for your you know he was you psycho fucking idiot

00:13:49Guest:You're fucking, you will never make a cent for that.

00:13:51Guest:I'm going to sue you.

00:13:52Guest:You'll never make a cent for the rest of your fucking life, you psycho.

00:13:56Guest:How could you do that?

00:13:58Guest:I was like, I... It's funny.

00:14:00Guest:It was, yeah, I didn't even... Like, how was I... How did this resolve itself?

00:14:04Guest:Oh, never.

00:14:05Guest:Oh, really?

00:14:06Guest:I mean, Charlie was... Charlie apparently, like, completely sold me under the bridge.

00:14:13Guest:Like, he went home.

00:14:14Guest:He went home, and it was like that scene from, like, The Godfather, like, the father's pacing.

00:14:19Guest:Yeah.

00:14:20Guest:You know, and Charlie's like, what's going on?

00:14:22Guest:And they're like, you know, this is bad.

00:14:25Guest:You know, this is bad.

00:14:25Guest:What's happening?

00:14:26Guest:So this woman is, you know, trying to kill these daughter.

00:14:32Guest:And then, you know, and Charlie's like, what's going on?

00:14:34Guest:Yeah.

00:14:35Guest:And then, you know, whatever they told him about the tape and the message.

00:14:38Guest:And Charlie's like, that was John Benjamin.

00:14:43Guest:Right away.

00:14:43Guest:Like, immediately, like, that was my friend John.

00:14:45Guest:Like, what?

00:14:47Guest:Oh, they'd already called the FBI and everything else?

00:14:49Guest:They apparently had done voice match.

00:14:52Guest:Oh, and it matched?

00:14:52Guest:Where you send the tape to the FBI.

00:14:54Guest:And I guess... It did match.

00:14:56Guest:Yes, that woman.

00:14:58Guest:Me and that woman served 16 years.

00:15:01Guest:And that's a story where John knew he had an incredible talent for doing voices.

00:15:05Guest:Yeah, but that was one that worked out way better than I could have ever imagined.

00:15:20Marc:God damn it.

00:15:23Marc:Tired, buddy.

00:15:25Guest:I know, me too.

00:15:25Guest:We should have set this up for later.

00:15:28Marc:But I'm tired because I woke up at 6.30.

00:15:29Marc:Why are you tired?

00:15:31Guest:Because I was up until 6.30.

00:15:33Marc:You were?

00:15:34Guest:Five.

00:15:35Marc:So you're just up alone.

00:15:37Guest:Yeah.

00:15:38Marc:Staying up.

00:15:38Marc:You're one of those guys?

00:15:40Guest:Yeah.

00:15:41Marc:I'm going through this thing where I can't, you know, I look at people.

00:15:45Marc:You know, some days, you know, I'm okay with everybody.

00:15:47Marc:And then other days, I feel horrible for the pain everyone's going through just by having to walk somewhere.

00:15:53Guest:Yeah.

00:15:53Guest:You ever have that?

00:15:55Guest:That's exactly how I go through existence.

00:15:58Guest:I am either in line at a store, seething with hatred for everybody else in there.

00:16:05Guest:And then I see a guy walk past me with like a leg brace and I burst into tears and just pity and love everyone.

00:16:12Guest:They're the only two extremes that I have.

00:16:15Marc:It's like hatred or pity.

00:16:19Marc:I think I tweeted this thing once about how sometimes I love all people and then other times I just see everybody as sad monsters.

00:16:26Guest:Yeah.

00:16:26Marc:But you got to love them, too.

00:16:27Marc:It's only that moment where you hate everybody because you're so fucking aggravated.

00:16:31Marc:And that fine line between like, what are you, a fucking moron?

00:16:35Guest:More lottery tickets, you fucking piece of shit.

00:16:38Guest:Right.

00:16:38Guest:I just want to pay for this bottle of water and get out of here.

00:16:41Marc:Right.

00:16:41Marc:And then that's just literally a half beat away from like, oh, it's fucking, it's hard for them.

00:16:47Guest:Yeah, exactly.

00:16:48Guest:What do we have to complain about, really?

00:16:50Marc:So what do you do all night?

00:16:53Marc:Do you sit around and think of ways to fuck with your friends?

00:16:57Guest:No, that's usually just inspired.

00:17:02Guest:Whenever inspiration strikes.

00:17:04Guest:What is that prank mentality, buddy?

00:17:07Guest:I think it's...

00:17:10Guest:a combination of like not knowing how to show affection until someone's freaking out.

00:17:16Guest:Well, I mean, it's, you know, if that's, that's a good way to gauge how I feel about you.

00:17:20Guest:Like if I fuck with you, that means I really like you.

00:17:23Guest:Like I would never pull a prank on someone I don't like.

00:17:27Marc:But doesn't that, like I got another friend that does that.

00:17:29Marc:My friend Sam Cedar does it and John Benjamin does it.

00:17:32Marc:And I'm just such a baby.

00:17:33Marc:I mean, I can't deal with being fucked with.

00:17:36Marc:It makes me so embarrassed and horribly hurt and vulnerable.

00:17:40Marc:And then when we were in Aspen, you did that thing to Chris Fairbanks that went on forever.

00:17:44Guest:That, yeah.

00:17:45Marc:And it was very difficult.

00:17:46Guest:Yeah, I regretted that one after.

00:17:48Guest:It was so impulsive and then it snowballed so quickly.

00:17:55Guest:then I didn't know what to do.

00:17:57Guest:I didn't know how to end it.

00:17:58Marc:So for people who are listening, there's a comedy festival in Aspen and they give a ridiculous award, right?

00:18:03Marc:Wasn't that it?

00:18:03Guest:That you had convinced him that he had won the- He won like best of the fest or something.

00:18:08Marc:And it's a silly little festival to begin with, but nonetheless, I don't even know if he was planning on going to the show.

00:18:14Marc:And you had somehow leaked to him that he was a guy, that he won.

00:18:20Guest:We were sharing a hotel room.

00:18:23Guest:Some of us shared hotel rooms that year.

00:18:25Guest:I mean, they had an option.

00:18:27Guest:They gave you some money and said, if you want to get your own room, either way.

00:18:30Guest:Chris and I were sharing a room.

00:18:31Guest:I wasn't drinking or anything over that time period.

00:18:35Guest:And so one night I went back to the room to crash out and Chris sent me a text saying like, hey, come down to the lobby and

00:18:43Guest:Everybody's hanging out, drinking and stuff.

00:18:45Guest:And I was like, nah, it's late.

00:18:47Guest:Just bring everybody up here, like joking.

00:18:49Guest:And then immediately texting back, like, you know, I'm 100% kidding.

00:18:53Guest:And as I send that, there's a knock on the door.

00:18:55Guest:And I was like, okay, well, I, you know, set myself up for that.

00:18:59Guest:So he brings like, you know, 25 people into our room.

00:19:02Guest:And, and I was fine.

00:19:04Guest:Like I wasn't, you know, I told, I liked everybody who was there, but it, you know, it went on until four, it went on until the cops came and kicked everybody out.

00:19:13Guest:And, um, so the next morning I went to the awards, you know, they had this little thing at that Mexican place.

00:19:19Guest:You were there.

00:19:20Guest:Yeah.

00:19:20Guest:And, uh,

00:19:21Guest:And later that night, or either way, they gave out the best of the fest later in the week.

00:19:29Guest:But Chris wouldn't wake up.

00:19:30Guest:He was drunk and up until he had a girl there or something.

00:19:34Guest:So he wouldn't budge.

00:19:36Guest:I kept trying to wake him up when I was leaving for that thing.

00:19:40Guest:And so I thought it would be funny.

00:19:41Guest:I just started texting him throughout the thing.

00:19:43Guest:I was like, oh, my God, dude, they're looking for you.

00:19:45Guest:Where are you?

00:19:46Guest:Oh, that's right.

00:19:47Guest:I think you might have won the best of the fest.

00:19:49Guest:They're freaking out.

00:19:50Guest:They can't find you.

00:19:51Guest:and uh so i was just doing that throughout the day just to amuse myself and then um at the end of the thing i was sitting there with it was like troy baxley and um you and yeah i think i was asked to play along and i did there was another either way i told if like alex call there were there were like three or four comics where i was like oh text chris just congratulations and i and i said i'm like way to go you just won best of the fest idiot but you couldn't wake up and make it here right right right

00:20:19Guest:So so they all sent him congratulations on their phones.

00:20:22Guest:And and then Troy went back to the hotel.

00:20:27Guest:And when he got back to the hotel, he called me and said, hey, I just saw Fairbanks.

00:20:31Guest:He's in the elevator freaking out.

00:20:33Guest:He's on his way.

00:20:34Guest:He's like, I'm an idiot.

00:20:35Guest:I'm a fucking idiot.

00:20:36Guest:Like he's just beating himself up.

00:20:38Guest:I won an award.

00:20:39Guest:I'm not even there.

00:20:41Guest:Yeah.

00:20:41Guest:And so Troy tells me that he's on his way over.

00:20:45Guest:So then I stick my head out of the restaurant.

00:20:47Guest:There's a bunch of guys out there smoking and stuff.

00:20:49Guest:He said, oh, Fairbanks on his way.

00:20:50Guest:When he turns the corner, everybody cheer for him.

00:20:54Guest:And of course, you know, he turns the corner and I'm like, yay, congratulations.

00:20:58Guest:He's like, ah, yeah, I'm an idiot.

00:21:01Guest:But then beyond that, I didn't know what to, I was like, oh, wait, how do I end this now?

00:21:06Guest:Yeah.

00:21:06Guest:And, um, so it went on for, it went on for, you know, two and a half hours tops.

00:21:12Guest:Like I told him, we went back to the, we went back to the room after the couple, we went to your podcast.

00:21:18Guest:And, and I was like, Hey man, you didn't, you didn't win anything.

00:21:22Guest:That, uh, that, um, that, uh, drawing or whatever, that award ceremony is not until tomorrow.

00:21:28Guest:And, and then he, uh, he's like, ah, he's like, I called my dad.

00:21:34Yeah.

00:21:35Guest:So I felt pretty shitty.

00:21:37Guest:But you know, there is a follow-up.

00:21:40Guest:There's a follow-up prank.

00:21:43Guest:Well, he tried to get me back.

00:21:45Guest:He was doing a show at the John Lovitz Club the day we got back from the festival.

00:21:51Guest:So he gave, he gave my phone number out on stage and told everyone to text me, um, congratulations on getting Letterman or something, something like that.

00:22:02Guest:And so I was watching a movie with my friend and my phone just, just starts going nuts.

00:22:07Guest:I got like a hundred texts in a row.

00:22:09Guest:And at first my initial reaction was like, oh shit, he tweeted, he got like Steve Agee.

00:22:14Guest:This was when Steve Agee had like a million Twitter followers.

00:22:17Guest:And I thought, oh no, he got Steve to like

00:22:19Guest:tweet my phone number I'm just gonna have to get a whole new phone and a whole new life but then I realized I was like oh no wait he's at he's doing that show tonight he just gave my number out on stage because it stopped at about like you know 60 or 80 or whatever

00:22:34Guest:so then i didn't even fill the room no no not at all 30 people but i had uh but i so i had all these people's phone numbers who just texted me yeah so i just mass texted them all back thanks for signing up for t-mobile's hot 100 ringtones a charge of 399 will be added to your bill and like i used all these slashes like it looked really i'm pretty good at sending fake texts like that look official yeah and uh

00:23:01Guest:And that was the best because I called Chris, like I just, there were two of them.

00:23:05Guest:One was about, they had to contact their administrator or something, like their cell service was going to shut off for texting me.

00:23:14Guest:And so I called Chris later and I was like, hey man, how was your show?

00:23:18Guest:And he's like, yeah, yeah, you got me.

00:23:21Guest:He goes, I had to convince everyone.

00:23:25Guest:I was like, just do it.

00:23:26Guest:He told them a few things that I had done to my friends.

00:23:30Guest:And he's like, just text him.

00:23:31Guest:I swear it's his number.

00:23:32Guest:He won't do anything.

00:23:34Guest:So he gives out my number, gets everybody to text.

00:23:37Guest:And then he just hears a guy go...

00:23:39Guest:hey, it says I just signed up for some ringtone thing.

00:23:43Guest:And so it's like, this says that my account's been frozen.

00:23:45Guest:I have to contact.

00:23:46Guest:And he's like, no, no, no.

00:23:48Guest:He's really good at this.

00:23:50Guest:No, no, I'm telling it's him.

00:23:52Guest:It's him.

00:23:54Guest:So during the show.

00:23:55Guest:During the show.

00:23:56Guest:That's fucking great.

00:23:57Guest:Even after the show, people were coming up to the bar just to make sure that they're like, no, I'm not going to get charged.

00:24:04Marc:Oh, he got duped.

00:24:05Marc:He got out pranked.

00:24:07Marc:In the garage, Brendan Walsh, the bearded Brendan Walsh, who I met in Austin.

00:24:12Guest:Yeah.

00:24:13Marc:That was the first time I met you.

00:24:14Marc:No beard.

00:24:15Marc:A lot of alcohol.

00:24:17Marc:A lot of alcohol.

00:24:18Guest:Pretty edgy.

00:24:19Guest:Austin's a lot of alcohol.

00:24:20Marc:Yeah, I didn't know if you were going to pull out there.

00:24:24Marc:When I met you, you were really funny, but I was like, yeah, he's one of those guys.

00:24:27Marc:He's going to crumble in on himself.

00:24:29Marc:Really?

00:24:30Marc:Did you ever think that?

00:24:31Marc:I still think that.

00:24:34Marc:Where'd you come from originally?

00:24:35Marc:How'd you end up there?

00:24:36Marc:You're not a Texan guy.

00:24:37Guest:No, Philadelphia.

00:24:38Guest:Oh, God.

00:24:39Marc:You grew up in Philadelphia?

00:24:40Marc:Like in the city?

00:24:41Guest:Yeah.

00:24:42Marc:No shit.

00:24:43Marc:That's kind of a tough city.

00:24:44Guest:Yeah.

00:24:45Marc:Yeah.

00:24:46Marc:I mean, were you like, what, how many brothers and sisters?

00:24:49Marc:Big Irish family?

00:24:49Marc:What happened?

00:24:50Guest:Irish family, but just me and my brother.

00:24:53Guest:Older?

00:24:53Guest:Pragmatic Irish family.

00:24:55Guest:Oh, that's good.

00:24:56Guest:No, younger.

00:24:57Guest:He's 18 months younger than I am.

00:24:58Guest:oh so you were that guy yeah i was like but not we got along i think just like any other siblings that are that close in age like your best friends up until we still like we still would get along but we got in some pretty i guess yeah through high school yeah typical typical sibling stuff like nothing my brother went the uh jockey route my little brother

00:25:22Guest:He must be really little.

00:25:24Marc:No.

00:25:24Guest:Jockey?

00:25:25Guest:No.

00:25:25Guest:Oh, jock.

00:25:26Marc:And he never had any attitude about it, but it was just such a different... He got tennis rackets, I got cigarettes, and that was it.

00:25:36Marc:I mean, it was just different lives.

00:25:39Guest:Yeah.

00:25:39Marc:What'd your brother end up doing?

00:25:41Guest:He was pretty jockey.

00:25:43Guest:That's about the same that we went to, but we still...

00:25:47Guest:would uh our friends our friends would overlap here and there yeah i mean i get along with him fine now we're good but i mean there was that whole chunk of his is but my brother's one of these guys like i thought he was the do-gooder guy then all of a sudden he'd be like you know i got some coke and i'm like what the fuck oh wow who are you yeah i don't think my brother does that no i don't even know what he does that's people ask me what he does for a living i have no idea i mean i know it's a computer-based yeah

00:26:13Marc:job thing my brother too he's like he's in sales of some kind he's a he's a sort of he sold a lot of things in his life and now he's doing some marketing for a company that does something to market things I don't know what the fuck it is yeah business yeah it's just general business like that's

00:26:31Guest:i've been interested with and i i have done it on stage but with like you just see like these things like uh you know like i have a big presentation at work in the morning yeah and it's like are those real things or are those things that like guys who write scripts but don't know anything about business it's always you know oh we have the clients are coming in we have to impress the clients and i think it's a real thing i'm sure it kind of is but it's yeah i'm

00:26:55Marc:I mean, you see it in a script or something or a tweet or like, you know, I got a big presentation to make and it just seems like this hackneyed thing.

00:27:02Marc:Like, what does that mean?

00:27:03Marc:It seems a little vague.

00:27:04Guest:It does.

00:27:05Guest:Well, I don't think I've ever heard it in real life.

00:27:07Guest:I've never actually heard a person say, I have to get up early in the morning.

00:27:10Guest:I have a big presentation at work tomorrow.

00:27:13Marc:You haven't?

00:27:13Marc:Not in, no.

00:27:14Marc:I wonder if I have.

00:27:15Marc:I'd like to think I have.

00:27:16Marc:Right now, I think I have.

00:27:17Marc:I don't know if I ever asked what it was, but I get the picture that, you know, depending on what the business is, the person who's in charge of that account

00:27:25Marc:has to come in and say, like, here's the progress we made, or this is what we're thinking about doing.

00:27:30Marc:Here's some pictures.

00:27:33Marc:And I think we should all get behind this.

00:27:35Guest:Pie charts.

00:27:36Marc:Pie charts.

00:27:37Marc:Like a easel.

00:27:38Marc:PowerPoint presentation.

00:27:41Marc:I had no idea.

00:27:42Marc:To me, it just sounds like a shitty show.

00:27:44Marc:We got to sit through this shit.

00:27:48Marc:But I guess there are good presentations.

00:27:49Marc:I don't know what people's lives look like.

00:27:51Marc:I've never lived another life.

00:27:53Marc:I have no idea what those people go through.

00:27:55Marc:me neither i've i've managed to stay off the grid my entire adult life i feel like you seem i i'd like to believe i've constructed a personality around you hey you got the shirt on wearing your shirt that's fucking nice dude i love it yeah you make uh you make shirts too but not but not like that that's pretty high quality yeah this is uh yeah couldn't really do that you do some of that one-off shirt stuff like one color one color whip it up you have a shirt you have a business in your garage

00:28:22Guest:I did in Austin.

00:28:24Guest:Not so much here.

00:28:25Guest:I make shirts for some comedians.

00:28:27Marc:Yeah?

00:28:28Marc:That they sell?

00:28:29Guest:Yeah.

00:28:29Guest:Tig and... I've seen her shirt.

00:28:31Guest:Pretty much just Tig now.

00:28:33Marc:Yeah, I mean, they can get kind of pricey.

00:28:35Marc:But you seem like to me, I decided you were some sort of Neil Cassidy off the grid crazy motherfucker.

00:28:42Guest:Yeah, kind of, since I was 19.

00:28:45Marc:Now, in Philly, so where did you grow up in a rough neighborhood?

00:28:51Guest:It wasn't the roughest, but it had its fair amount of assholes.

00:28:56Guest:I mean, I got the shit beaten out of me a handful of times.

00:28:59Marc:Really?

00:29:00Marc:Yeah.

00:29:00Marc:Did you ever beat the shit out of anybody?

00:29:04Guest:Yeah, there's one time...

00:29:07Guest:There were, uh, but I, I wound up getting the shit beaten out of me later.

00:29:11Guest:Like I, that same night, like I, there was this one guy who had like eight friends started fucking with me.

00:29:19Guest:Yeah.

00:29:20Guest:So I beat the shit out of him, but like towards the end, like, you know, pretty much when I had him on the ground, I was just pounding his face in.

00:29:27Guest:Yeah.

00:29:28Guest:I felt his friends started kicking me and stuff and was like, Oh right.

00:29:31Guest:Yeah, that's right.

00:29:32Guest:That's the way this is going to go.

00:29:33Guest:Oh,

00:29:34Guest:they're not just gonna go you know okay he's hot enough uh go home now call the fight yeah yeah yeah that was um yeah that was pretty bad the uh yeah the guy poured they were sitting on these bleachers in an outdoor basketball court and uh i was wearing a baseball hat and i was waiting for my friends to like walk their girlfriends home we're gonna go like get beer or something i was in i was like 17 and um

00:30:00Guest:so it was me and one of my friends we were just waiting for our other friends to like meet us at this park and we're gonna go get beer or whatever yeah and then these assholes were sitting on the bleachers drinking and one guy asked to see my hat and it's like well all right you know i mean it's just what are you gonna do like either way this is gonna be bad and i was like or no hat yeah exactly they're gonna the tone has been established right we're gonna fuck with you and

00:30:27Guest:and that's that there's no way out of it at this point you know even if you turned around and walked away you're not leaving yeah um so i gave him my hat and he uh poured beer in it and threw it at me and and uh and it was just i mean i don't have as bad as i got beat up i don't have any regrets because that's something that i wouldn't have like if i just taken my hat and slunk away yeah slunk slink yeah um

00:30:55Guest:so yeah he just threw the hat in front of you he just yeah yeah well he was holding the hat and he's like oh it's a nice hat you think it'll hold beer and i was like you know i don't no come on you know like

00:31:10Guest:Probably not.

00:31:11Guest:It's probably not going to hold beer.

00:31:13Guest:Either way, buddy.

00:31:14Guest:We both know how hats, you know, work.

00:31:17Guest:Fuck up the hat.

00:31:17Guest:I mean, the back part's mesh.

00:31:19Guest:No, it's probably not going to hold beer, you know?

00:31:22Guest:There was no time for that discussion, was there?

00:31:24Guest:No, no.

00:31:25Guest:I mean, I think I was like, ah, come on, don't do that.

00:31:28Guest:And then he just, you know, poured it in and threw it at me.

00:31:31Guest:And it's like, all right.

00:31:33Guest:I mean, I guess, come on, let's go, I guess.

00:31:36Guest:You know, it's just kind of like, okay, we have to fight now.

00:31:39Marc:like i can't take you know i can't live with that for the rest of my life without standing up for the hat and just yeah i understand yeah but that's those moments man you know where you're like yeah i you probably couldn't live without it'd be a different memory anyways it it would definitely be yeah i don't know it'd probably be one in a sequence of memories where you should you know probably stood up for yourself

00:32:00Guest:Right, yeah.

00:32:01Guest:I could have gone on this path of severe cowardice instead of just the moderate cowardice.

00:32:06Marc:Was that really the first test?

00:32:07Marc:Was it the beer-pouring incident?

00:32:10Marc:It was like, that defined me as a guy that stood up for himself.

00:32:15Guest:No, because there were other times that I was kind of a chicken when I was younger, with just running or not...

00:32:24Marc:But you must have been the guy that set shit on fire and fucking started shit and split.

00:32:31Guest:I mean, I think all boys go through a little pyromaniac phase.

00:32:36Marc:But there's a difference between just being bullied and then setting something in motion that you could get your ass kicked for.

00:32:44Marc:You know what I mean?

00:32:46Marc:I never got my ass kicked.

00:32:48Marc:I'm not provoking you or anything, but I never did.

00:32:52Marc:I don't know how I got out of this life without getting my ass kicked, given my mouth and my temperament and my attitude.

00:32:57Marc:I'm completely surprised.

00:32:58Marc:But I think I'm fairly diplomatic by nature, and maybe I just exude.

00:33:03Marc:I've had moments where I thought I was going to get my ass kicked, and I've tried to act like I could handle that, and maybe that dissuaded them.

00:33:10Marc:But I don't know why I haven't.

00:33:12Guest:Well, it's lucky.

00:33:14Guest:Well, you know, I mean, at this point, hopefully we're all out of the woods with physical violence.

00:33:20Guest:You haven't had any lately?

00:33:22Guest:It's been... It has been 10... It's 10 years, at least.

00:33:30Guest:I don't think...

00:33:32Marc:But, like, you're a prank guy.

00:33:33Marc:I mean, there's no reason that you have to think you're out of the woods.

00:33:37Guest:No.

00:33:38Guest:Yeah, I mean, sometimes... I mean, I don't really do anything that, like, severe to... You know, I mean, like, the Fairbanks thing... But is there a moment where you're doing that, where you're like, oh, God, that poor guy.

00:33:51Marc:And then you feel bad?

00:33:52Guest:Yeah.

00:33:52Guest:No, that one I felt bad pretty much... Because it's dead.

00:33:55Guest:Well, even before that, because I was like, oh, now what do I do?

00:33:58Guest:And I was like, oh, it's...

00:34:01Guest:I don't like the getting, well, I'm going to contradict that in a second.

00:34:04Guest:I don't like getting like that kind of one-on-one thing.

00:34:07Guest:That's not really my style of practice of like, Hey, you just like giving somebody a fake scratch off ticket that says they want a hundred grand and watch them get super excited and then, and then ruin it for them.

00:34:18Guest:Um,

00:34:19Guest:that's not really my style i mean i like to i guess i prefer i just like getting a genuine rise out of someone and generally you know i'd like to by hurting them well no i mean by like getting them upset and then right you know well i think it's interesting because like you know obviously fairbanks the fact that you one-upped him on him trying to get back at you that that becomes sort of the terms of your relationship you're always sort of on guard

00:34:43Marc:for how it's going to come at you.

00:34:45Marc:Like, I just realized that sometimes that's the way people communicate.

00:34:48Marc:Like, my friend Sam and John do that all the time, where that's just, they're friends, but they both have to be on guard constantly for how they're being fucked with by the other guy.

00:34:58Guest:It's, yeah.

00:34:59Marc:And that's, I guess that's kind of exciting.

00:35:01Guest:It is exciting.

00:35:03Marc:What were you going to say, though?

00:35:04Marc:You did something bad?

00:35:05Marc:Some other one?

00:35:05Guest:Well, this is actually, well...

00:35:08Guest:I guess I can give it away.

00:35:10Guest:This is something I'm going to do.

00:35:12Guest:It's more of a public.

00:35:13Guest:I'm going to get everybody excited in Silver Lake thinking that there's a Whole Foods moving into town.

00:35:19Guest:There's an empty circuit city.

00:35:22Guest:Yeah, I know where that is.

00:35:23Guest:Yeah, so it's been empty for like two years.

00:35:25Guest:And I was talking with actually Neil Hamburger.

00:35:27Guest:We were talking about how he lives in the neighborhood too.

00:35:31Guest:We're like, yeah, it's crazy.

00:35:32Guest:There's not a Whole Foods here.

00:35:33Guest:There's so many hipsters.

00:35:34Marc:Right.

00:35:35Marc:It is kind of crazy.

00:35:36Guest:It is.

00:35:36Guest:Yeah.

00:35:38Guest:And he had mentioned that that would be a good location for wine.

00:35:41Guest:And I said, you know what?

00:35:42Guest:That's right.

00:35:43Guest:I'm going to get a banner printed up that says coming soon, Silver Lake Whole Foods and hang it up on the fence.

00:35:49Guest:I haven't done it yet, but I'm going to.

00:35:51Guest:And that's going to be exciting for the, you know, the neighborhood's going to get really excited and then confused.

00:36:00Marc:But how do you chart the progress of that prank?

00:36:04Guest:You know, you don't.

00:36:06Guest:You just know it's out there.

00:36:07Guest:I mean, there's no...

00:36:10Guest:Yeah, there's no, you know, it's not all about numbers, you know.

00:36:14Guest:It's just all about, it's about creating like, you know, enjoyment for myself and confusion and ultimately enjoyment for other people.

00:36:23Guest:I think a lot of people will get a kick out of it.

00:36:24Marc:But are you going to document it?

00:36:26Marc:Are you going to sort of like either tweet it or are you going to say that, you know, I mean.

00:36:31Guest:Yeah, that one maybe I'll, you know, kind of tweet like, oh, hey.

00:36:36Guest:You mean tweet that, you know, that it's happening.

00:36:38Guest:That it's happening.

00:36:39Guest:Yeah, no, I'm not going to.

00:36:40Marc:say look what i did the satisfaction from that just comes from you knowing that you're just driving past it and seeing you know seeing a big banner that i made it looks like a whole foods announcement and knowing that all the people in silver lake are going to be like did you hear about the whole food that you started a meme people are yeah this is what you'd be doing yeah and it's a small scale meme but i mean but it's big enough and then

00:37:03Marc:And then it just sort of trickles away.

00:37:05Marc:But it could theoretically sort of define at least a relatively decent percentage of talk in Silver Lake for months.

00:37:15Marc:Yeah.

00:37:16Marc:Does anyone know what happened with that Whole Foods thing?

00:37:19Marc:Yeah, exactly.

00:37:19Marc:But have you thought maybe to follow through and do a second sign a month later, say, we're rethinking Whole Foods?

00:37:27Guest:We could, yeah.

00:37:28Guest:Yeah.

00:37:28Guest:We'll see.

00:37:28Guest:There's a bunch of... I've been... Because that's been my new banners.

00:37:33Guest:That's my new... I want to get into banner pranks.

00:37:36Guest:I don't think too many people are doing that.

00:37:38Guest:So I've been... There's a lot of vacant businesses up and down Sunset in that area.

00:37:44Marc:Now, is there any legality issue to this?

00:37:46Marc:i don't think i mean you know aside from trespassing yeah take it down or yeah i mean it's like no cops gonna lock me up if they catch me on a ladder well it's like the uh the obey stuff you know the um yeah i mean that stuff just in and that doesn't have any sort of significance other than a tag and the implications that like wow they're all over yeah that's pretty cool it is cool i'm always happy to see them in odd places yeah be fun to see one on the moon i think

00:38:14Marc:Oh yeah.

00:38:15Marc:Banners.

00:38:16Guest:That's good.

00:38:17Marc:So when did you start?

00:38:18Marc:Did you start doing comedy in Philly?

00:38:20Guest:No.

00:38:20Guest:I didn't start until I was living in Austin for five years.

00:38:25Marc:Why'd you go to Austin?

00:38:26Marc:Just because that seemed to be the haven of freedom and...

00:38:30Guest:Yeah, it was cool.

00:38:32Guest:I, well, yeah, it was like the opposite of Philly as far as people supporting things.

00:38:37Guest:I mean, I left, when I graduated high school, I left Philly immediately and traveled for, well, actually, that's not true.

00:38:46Guest:I worked at a bank for a year, realized, okay, I can't do this job.

00:38:50Guest:Ever.

00:38:50Marc:Ever.

00:38:51Marc:Well, Philly also, like Philly, you know, I spent a lot of time in Boston and New England and all the way down through New York and Philly.

00:38:57Marc:Philly has a very ingrained cultural identity, and it's not all attractive.

00:39:03Marc:No.

00:39:03Marc:I mean, there's sort of a toughness to it, and there's a type of Philly townie that they're fairly, you know, scary in a way.

00:39:11Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:39:12Marc:And it's sort of a rough town on all levels.

00:39:15Marc:Yeah.

00:39:16Marc:And they have great sandwiches.

00:39:17Marc:Yeah.

00:39:17Marc:They have great, great junk food.

00:39:20Marc:Yeah.

00:39:21Marc:Sandwiches, pizza.

00:39:22Marc:Yeah.

00:39:22Marc:I went to Denix in the market for the roast pork and provolone with broccoli rabe.

00:39:28Marc:Awesome.

00:39:28Guest:Yeah.

00:39:28Marc:And the cheesesteak stuff.

00:39:30Marc:But it's good, but it's really got a sort of a city identity, which is sort of like fucking, you know, it's like that, it's that thing.

00:39:37Marc:Yeah.

00:39:38Marc:It's a little Italian, a little bit Irish.

00:39:40Marc:It's just tough.

00:39:41Marc:Yeah.

00:39:42Marc:And I don't necessarily see you as, you know, living there for your...

00:39:46Guest:Oh, you know, I was talking about this with somebody recently because they're moving to New York.

00:39:52Guest:And I had said, like, you know, I think I missed the boat.

00:39:55Guest:Like, I couldn't do that at this point.

00:39:57Guest:You know, if I had moved to New York right from Philly.

00:39:59Guest:Right.

00:39:59Guest:Be fine.

00:40:00Marc:A lot of cats did.

00:40:01Marc:There's some Philly comics.

00:40:02Guest:Yeah.

00:40:03Guest:And that's a pretty easy transition.

00:40:05Guest:But going from Philly...

00:40:07Guest:to austin and i went there for i moved around a lot i lived in ireland for a while i lived in amsterdam i lived in oregon and i but i would keep going back to philly you know i'd go somewhere for six months or a year yeah and then go back to philly and say okay everything's exactly where i left it so i'll go somewhere else and uh

00:40:25Guest:and then i had this friend i was working for a theater company in philadelphia and um this girl who i was friends with we were both like i was the technical i was like the sound guy and she was the lighting person we went at a small theater it was a touring theater company they put on put on plays for kids you know like we'd like babes in toyland yeah christmas carol yeah we had like 12 right companies that they'd send out on the road and you'd go and

00:40:51Guest:you know, load in a show, do it at nine in the morning.

00:40:54Guest:A bunch of schools would come and watch.

00:40:55Guest:Yeah.

00:40:56Guest:So we went on that tour and, um, we came, we went through Austin.

00:41:01Guest:She had actually just bought a house in Austin.

00:41:03Guest:She would go down there in the summer.

00:41:04Guest:She did puppet shows and stuff.

00:41:06Guest:And, um,

00:41:07Guest:yeah either way so was that the dream to be a puppeteer no um i mean we kind of had a thing you know me and that girl had a off and on again did you did you have any input on the design of puppets or no i helped her with some like i mean no actually i wasn't really involved with the puppet stuff um it yeah it's definitely a weird thing you're more of a technical guy i was just i was just more of a goofball guy i was 23 and i was just hanging out with the puppet girl

00:41:36Guest:Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, crazy puppet girl, you know, like tattooed, you know, she was definitely like, she's one of those kind of like pivotal people, you know, like where...

00:41:49Guest:i met her at the right time like i was like 22 and she was you know 25 or 26 and i i grew up in like a real blue collar kind of right close-minded like right uh you know like if i told anybody oh i want to be a stand-up comedian or an artist or whatever like yeah okay well take the fucking steam fitters test too because you're gonna need a real job eventually you know you know and uh yeah

00:42:12Guest:So, and I got this job with this theater company, just loading trucks and stuff.

00:42:18Guest:And, you know, worked there for a while and started building and fixing and painting sets.

00:42:24Guest:And then met this girl there who was, like, you know, tattooed, like...

00:42:29Guest:Just like, you know, did these puppet shows and made a living being an artist.

00:42:34Marc:Right, right.

00:42:35Marc:There has to be those portals where you're like, oh, my God, this is not a beaten down chick who smokes cigarettes and is angry at the world.

00:42:44Guest:Yeah.

00:42:45Guest:Like she's doing cool shit.

00:42:46Guest:Like she was getting, she was making like, somebody was paying her 10 grand to make like a giant teapot.

00:42:50Guest:Yeah.

00:42:50Guest:For something.

00:42:51Guest:And I thought like, oh man, that's like the.

00:42:53Guest:How do I get in on that?

00:42:54Guest:That's insane.

00:42:55Guest:You're getting $10,000.

00:42:57Guest:Like that's, you know.

00:42:58Guest:What?

00:42:58Guest:To make a teapot?

00:42:59Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:43:00Guest:And then she was like friends with all these like, you know, like there were these bars and stuff I would go to in Philly, but she like knew all these like, like, you know, all these.

00:43:08Marc:girls who who i was intimidated by like oh that girl with the tattoos and the piercings is like yeah i remember that though i remember that when i was younger where you just sort of walk into a universe and you're like this is where it comes from this is where the art comes from this is where the alternative lifestyle comes from this is where you know people can do what they want yeah and and you know there's a community around it yeah that's a that's a great moment yeah where you're like i can i can leave

00:43:34Guest:Yeah, there's, oh my God, there's other music besides like, oh, I thought the alternative radio station played the alternative.

00:43:40Guest:Oh, that's fucking, there's way more alternative shit.

00:43:43Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:43:44Guest:There's weird shit.

00:43:45Guest:Yeah, there's like crazy shit out there, like half Japanese or, you know, just like noise rock.

00:43:50Marc:Yeah, I remember like breaking in into that scene.

00:43:52Marc:Like there was a dude I met at a record store who turned me on to like The Residence and Fred Frith and all this stuff at that time.

00:43:59Marc:That was like, you know, the late 70s, early 80s, where he just sort of like takes me to his house and you're like, what the fuck?

00:44:04Guest:yeah and like who listens to this can anyone get these records you know and then all of a sudden your whole fucking mind is blown and your entire personal paradigm shifts yeah but it well yeah it's blown wide open right because you're like oh my god there's more and they're gay people here yeah there's gay people and girls who like yeah who have really cool attitudes towards towards casual sex yeah yeah you know like to get drunk and party and so you locked on with her

00:44:30Guest:Well, she kind of introduced me to that world.

00:44:32Guest:Did you take the steam pipe fitters test or the steam fitters?

00:44:35Guest:No, I never.

00:44:37Guest:My dad was a fireman.

00:44:39Guest:Seriously?

00:44:39Guest:Yeah, he wanted my brother.

00:44:41Guest:I think I might have taken the written fireman's test.

00:44:46Guest:I remember.

00:44:47Marc:Was he a fireman like sleep at the firehouse guy?

00:44:50Guest:Yeah.

00:44:51Guest:Yeah.

00:44:51Guest:Philadelphia fireman.

00:44:52Guest:But how does that work?

00:44:54Guest:It's like four days on, four days off.

00:44:56Guest:Like, so you go, you're pretty much there for.

00:45:00Guest:How did it go?

00:45:02Guest:I mean, he would do day shift and night shift.

00:45:04Guest:But he would have to sleep there sometimes?

00:45:05Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:45:06Marc:Did you guys sleep at the firehouse?

00:45:07Guest:We never slept there, but when we were kids, he'd take us there a lot.

00:45:11Guest:Yeah?

00:45:11Guest:Which is cool as shit.

00:45:12Guest:So you knew all the guys?

00:45:14Guest:We knew, yeah.

00:45:15Guest:He had a bunch of goofy friends that- Go on the truck?

00:45:19Guest:Yeah, well, yeah.

00:45:19Guest:I mean, for a six, seven-year-old kid, that's the best.

00:45:23Guest:You have to go climb around on a fire engine all day.

00:45:26Guest:And how long, is he retired?

00:45:27Guest:Yeah, he's retired now.

00:45:28Guest:He retired-

00:45:31Guest:10 years ago shit man were there like there were there serious stories i mean there was a big fires did he ever i mean was it low yeah no he went to a lot of funerals yeah and uh he never really he got fucked up once i was pretty young and i just remember like he had like basically a cast on the whole right side of his body essentially like a wall fell on him or something but uh

00:45:57Guest:Yeah, I never really thought it.

00:45:59Guest:Like, it was just kind of what he did.

00:46:00Guest:Like, I never thought about, like, oh, man, like, is dad going to come home tonight or whatever?

00:46:05Guest:Like, I just never really... You just had the romantic nature of it, the red truck.

00:46:09Guest:Not even.

00:46:10Guest:Like, I mean, that was just a perk, you know, where we got to go play on a truck when we were kids, but I didn't... Were there dogs?

00:46:16Guest:There was a dog.

00:46:17Guest:There were a couple dogs.

00:46:20Guest:I mean, you know, you're not at the same firehouse the whole time.

00:46:24Guest:Oh, were they Dalmatians?

00:46:25Guest:There was a Dalmatian at...

00:46:27Guest:one or two of them um but yeah you transfer a lot when you're um a fire or you can and you stayed in the house your your house but he had to go to different yeah houses yeah and i guess he liked apparently he liked busier like you know he liked get me out going in the fires yeah so he would work in some real shitty neighborhoods um

00:46:50Guest:But, uh, yeah, I never, I didn't think about it till, you know, I was much older.

00:46:55Guest:Like, oh man, like, yeah, what a fucked up.

00:46:57Guest:Like, God, he saw so much like, cause you do rescue squad too when you're a fireman, which is like basically, you know, paramedic stuff.

00:47:04Guest:Yeah.

00:47:05Guest:Paramedic, you know, just the, you know, fire departments, ambulance thing.

00:47:10Guest:I guess, you know, they're the first ones on the scene and shit.

00:47:13Guest:And I mean, just the stuff he must have seen, like, and stuff that I know that he'd seen, you know, where he just kind of casually be like, oh, yeah, we're cleaning out the, you know, this apartment that was on fire.

00:47:24Guest:And, you know, we're throwing all the burnt furniture out the window.

00:47:28Guest:And yeah.

00:47:30Guest:Yeah, and we almost threw the guy out the window.

00:47:31Guest:He was so burnt, we didn't even know it was a guy.

00:47:33Guest:We thought it was part of a desk or something.

00:47:36Guest:And it's like, oh, man.

00:47:37Guest:He's a guy.

00:47:38Guest:Oh, God, that was yesterday?

00:47:40Guest:Yeah.

00:47:41Guest:And then this one, like, I remember one time he was pretty... I know he was really affected by it.

00:47:48Guest:This kid, some kid got run over by a motorcycle or something going on his way to a Phillies game, you know, like a young kid.

00:47:56Guest:And...

00:47:58Guest:And my dad, you know, was, you know, the first one there.

00:48:02Guest:And I guess the kid was really fucked up.

00:48:03Marc:They are first responders, fire trucks.

00:48:05Marc:I mean, they always show up.

00:48:06Guest:Right.

00:48:06Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:48:07Guest:And that's, there's, if you ever notice with the fire engine, there'll be like a smaller boxy truck.

00:48:13Guest:And usually it says rescue one or something.

00:48:16Guest:And that's so...

00:48:17Guest:They would, I guess they would take turns doing, you know, you'd be a fireman for whatever.

00:48:23Guest:Yeah.

00:48:25Guest:A week and then you're the other guy for a week.

00:48:27Guest:I don't know how it works.

00:48:30Guest:But yeah, no, just like, yeah, just seeing shit like, you know.

00:48:32Guest:So what happened?

00:48:34Yeah.

00:48:34Guest:Oh, well, the kid, I just, well, I just remember, I remember he seemed pretty, pretty upset about it.

00:48:41Guest:And then, like, all the firemen were trying, they were getting the Phillies to, like, sign and visit them, and they were trying to get.

00:48:48Guest:That's where he lived.

00:48:49Guest:The kid lived, yeah, but I think, you know, it got fucked up pretty bad.

00:48:52Guest:And they were trying to get, like, that's what it was.

00:48:54Guest:My dad was bitching about, they were trying to get something from the Phillies for the kid.

00:48:59Guest:Yeah.

00:48:59Guest:And the Phillies were being kind of a pain in the neck about it where he's just like, you know, fucking eight year old just almost died on your way to your game.

00:49:06Guest:And you have all these firemen contacting you saying like, hey, can you give us some tickets for the kid?

00:49:11Guest:And I wouldn't do it.

00:49:14Guest:Got lost in the bureaucracy.

00:49:15Guest:Well, I think, yeah, it was just more of a hassle than he wanted it to be.

00:49:21Guest:But also, that's another Philly thing where people just communicate through complaining.

00:49:27Guest:Like, everything's a fucking challenge.

00:49:29Guest:Everything's just, oh, so I said to him, listen, buddy.

00:49:32Guest:It's like, is anything non-confrontational ever happened in this town?

00:49:37Yeah.

00:49:37Guest:that's i hate well i don't hate talking but like every conversation i have with my dad yeah it's just like he'll launch into it's like we have a little bit of like hey how you doing yeah and then i could just hear his like his ears just gloss over where it's like okay he can't hear me anymore now he's going to tell me about this fucking idiot driving in front of him who doesn't know how to fucking drive a car like he

00:50:00Guest:I always get him when he's in his car, when I call him.

00:50:03Guest:He's always like, fucking pick a lane, asshole.

00:50:06Guest:Like, that's the... I'm like, yeah, Dad, let's just, you know... Stay focused.

00:50:10Guest:Driving's difficult.

00:50:11Guest:We all get it, you know?

00:50:12Guest:Like, just relax.

00:50:13Guest:Where do you have to be, you know?

00:50:15Guest:He's retired, right?

00:50:17Guest:He's retired, yeah.

00:50:18Guest:Well, he teaches at a college down in San Diego now.

00:50:21Guest:He's out here?

00:50:22Guest:he got remarried and moved out here 10 years ago your mom passed away no they just split up yeah yeah after how long 23 i was like 23 is that wild my parents waited that long too it's almost as if like they're out now let's end this yeah yeah we did what we did but for the kids yeah i've had enough it's uh

00:50:45Guest:Yeah.

00:50:46Guest:Yeah.

00:50:46Guest:It's, it's weirder when it happens.

00:50:48Guest:Like I get, you know, maybe it was, but I don't know what's better having two parents or constantly yelling at each other or just having one parent, you know, like it's a weird guy.

00:50:57Guest:You don't know.

00:50:58Guest:Well, that would be, yeah.

00:50:59Guest:I mean, there's that issue.

00:51:01Marc:Yeah.

00:51:01Marc:Here's a new one.

00:51:02Marc:Mom and Steve.

00:51:03Marc:Yeah.

00:51:04Marc:Or dad and Sonia, whatever it's going to be.

00:51:07Marc:I don't know.

00:51:07Marc:Like I used to do, I tried to do a bit about that.

00:51:09Marc:Like, you know, like I used to do a bit about how I just never really recovered from my parents' divorce.

00:51:14Marc:You know, I was 35.

00:51:17Marc:but i don't i don't do bits like that i'll try it yeah try it yeah but but uh oh were they always yelling was it that kind of thing it was there was one um visit i mean it wasn't like because i remember my dad was just everything revolved around whatever you know impulsive insanity yeah occurred at the moment like you know it was always like a mad search for a knife

00:51:38Marc:Not to kill somebody.

00:51:40Marc:Where's that pocket knife I got when I was seven?

00:51:43Marc:I had it with my stuff.

00:51:44Marc:And then here we go.

00:51:45Marc:The entire family.

00:51:46Marc:We're crying.

00:51:46Marc:Everyone's crying.

00:51:48Marc:Looking around the house for some fucking artifact from his life.

00:51:51Marc:Closets are being torn apart.

00:51:52Marc:Ridiculous.

00:51:53Marc:Where's that good hat?

00:51:54Marc:I'm not going on the trip if we don't find that.

00:51:56Marc:Vacations canceled.

00:51:59Marc:Was it that kind of thing?

00:52:01Guest:No.

00:52:02Guest:It really got to be like...

00:52:04Guest:it was a lot of just bickering, you know, like just, like passive aggressive bullshit.

00:52:11Guest:And I came home from, I went to Penn state for a year and came home for Thanksgiving and, you know, I was staying at my folks place, obviously.

00:52:20Guest:And, uh, when I came home and, uh, and was woken up in the morning by them fucking bickering in the kitchen.

00:52:28Guest:Like I could hear the kitchen was below, you know, my bedroom, my folks place.

00:52:32Guest:And, uh,

00:52:33Guest:And it was just like, and, and I'm like, and I'm, you know, hung over, you know, I came home for Thanksgiving, went out with all my neighborhood buddies the night before and getting woken up at like eight 30 in the morning by bickering.

00:52:45Guest:And, and I didn't even, I didn't even have my bag unpacked.

00:52:48Guest:I like just grabbed it and went downstairs and said, Hey guys, I'll see you later.

00:52:51Guest:I'm going back to Penn state.

00:52:53Guest:I can't fucking listen to this shit.

00:52:54Guest:You know, why don't you just get a divorce?

00:52:57Guest:And then like, you know, then it turned into, you know, drama.

00:52:59Guest:Oh,

00:53:00Guest:oh yeah mom's crying and dad's yeah i don't know that's that's my dad impression but they're happier now um i guess so i mean my dad's really how old is he

00:53:16Guest:He's not very old.

00:53:17Guest:57.

00:53:19Guest:Oh, so he's still full of fire, huh?

00:53:23Guest:Yeah, he's 20 years older than me.

00:53:26Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:53:26Guest:Oh, really?

00:53:27Guest:Pretty much exactly.

00:53:28Guest:That might have had something to do with it, too.

00:53:31Guest:Were you a planned kid or just like, whoops?

00:53:34Guest:No, I wasn't.

00:53:35Guest:And I didn't even figure that out until...

00:53:39Guest:I was like well into my 20s where I never did the math.

00:53:42Guest:Like their anniversary was in January and my birthday's in July.

00:53:46Guest:And we're at my grandparents' house and they were like going on some trip for their anniversary.

00:53:52Guest:And I was like, wait a minute.

00:53:54Guest:Was I like, wait, was I two months premature?

00:53:59Guest:My grandmother's like, shut up, shut up.

00:54:02Guest:But I couldn't believe it.

00:54:05Guest:Like, I was 25.

00:54:06Guest:I was like, how did I never think about that?

00:54:09Guest:Like, I guess I just never cared.

00:54:10Guest:Like, I just never think.

00:54:11Guest:It's like, oh, yeah, their anniversary's in January.

00:54:14Guest:Birthday's in July.

00:54:15Guest:I mean.

00:54:15Guest:Never did the math.

00:54:16Guest:Never did the math.

00:54:17Guest:You never brought it up with them?

00:54:19Guest:Just that one day at my grandmom's house.

00:54:21Guest:And how'd they handle it?

00:54:23Guest:Oh, my dad was just laughing.

00:54:24Guest:You know, he's just kind of like, oh, it was a miracle.

00:54:26Guest:My grandmom was just like, oh, shut up.

00:54:28Guest:It's a miracle.

00:54:29Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:54:30Guest:I mean, it's not that.

00:54:31Guest:I mean, it's not that big of a deal.

00:54:34Guest:It was my mom's mom.

00:54:36Guest:She put the kibosh on the Miracle Time.

00:54:39Guest:She's actually pretty cool.

00:54:40Guest:She's the only one still alive out of the grandparents, and she's pretty... Is she in Philly?

00:54:45Guest:She's in Philly, yeah.

00:54:47Guest:Same house?

00:54:48Guest:No, she...

00:54:50Guest:She had the same house for a really long time, but my grandfather had a stroke years ago and just never recovered fully, so they had to move to a place without stairs and shit.

00:55:00Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:55:01Guest:But she's got this little place.

00:55:03Guest:But yeah, she's like 80-something and...

00:55:06Marc:you know walks i don't know whatever five miles a day she's just all out walking around that man gives me hope as crazy as my dad is my mom is they're both sort of like full force that's good you know kind of like engaged in life full energy it makes me happy like out of all their bad shit whatever i blame them for for passing along to me the only saving grace is like they're both alive and they're both still nuts yeah a lot of energy behind the crazy

00:55:32Marc:yeah maybe that's what keeps you going yeah and that's uh that's that's where i find hope my dad still has the energy to be a fucking crazy asshole in his 70s yeah so i there's a lot of hope for me there yeah but uh all right so what's the trajectory here i mean if you go okay so you meet the chick

00:55:49Marc:With the tattoos and the puppets.

00:55:51Marc:And then you go to Austin.

00:55:52Marc:But how do you end up in Ireland, Amsterdam, and Oregon?

00:55:55Marc:You're one of those fucking guys.

00:55:56Marc:You're like, I'm just going.

00:55:57Guest:Yeah.

00:55:58Guest:That's kind of, I was on a, when I was working for that theater company in Philly, I was out on like a lunch break and just kind of walking around the city like, yeah, what am I?

00:56:08Guest:I don't know, like, what the fuck am I doing?

00:56:10Guest:Comedy wasn't even part of it yet.

00:56:12Guest:No, no, not at all.

00:56:14Guest:I mean, I always, you know, I knew I wanted... I didn't know what I wanted to do for a while, but I knew I liked showing off.

00:56:20Guest:Like, you know, I like to play a little music, and I like to paint and draw.

00:56:23Guest:What do you play?

00:56:24Guest:Guitar.

00:56:25Guest:Yeah.

00:56:25Guest:Bass.

00:56:27Guest:But, yeah, so I didn't know.

00:56:29Guest:I knew, like...

00:56:31Guest:Well, either way, yeah, the way I wound up in Ireland was I was on this lunch break, walked past a place that was advertising like round trip to Ireland, 400 bucks, you know, and you had like a year.

00:56:44Guest:It was like a student travel thing.

00:56:47Guest:And I was 22 at the time.

00:56:48Guest:This is before Austin.

00:56:50Guest:This is before Austin, yeah.

00:56:51Marc:But you were with the chick with the tattoos.

00:56:54Guest:Yeah, well, not...

00:56:55Guest:i might have met her i think i had met her and i kind of got hung up on her and she you know was kind of like a you know yeah you know who's the new guy off a little bit and then i actually that was fucked i went to um this i was staying at a house at the jersey shore with some of my friends and uh and a girl that was staying there drowned one night in the ocean and i had staying with you

00:57:19Guest:Yeah, we were staying at her house.

00:57:21Guest:It was her and, you know, people would get a house together, like, you know, five of your friends.

00:57:26Guest:Someone you grew up with or whatever?

00:57:28Guest:I knew her for a while.

00:57:29Guest:I knew her from high school.

00:57:31Guest:Was there a folks place or you guys just rented it?

00:57:33Guest:It was the girls rented it.

00:57:34Guest:There were like five girls would, you know, chip in and rent a house.

00:57:37Guest:And you found the body and shit?

00:57:39Guest:I had to go identify her body on the beach.

00:57:41Marc:Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:57:42Yeah.

00:57:42Marc:So what do you mean?

00:57:43Marc:So you had a party and everyone's like, where's... Yeah, that was the weird thing.

00:57:47Guest:We went out, you know, we went to some bar and then we're all hanging out at the house and everybody kind of went off to their... You know, everybody just kind of started going to bed.

00:57:59Guest:And me and my friend Bobby were the last two up and we were being loud and stupid.

00:58:04Guest:And a cop knocked on the door and we thought, oh, somebody called the cops on us.

00:58:08Guest:That sucks.

00:58:10Yeah.

00:58:10Guest:And the cop was kind of fidgeting with the knob, and he's like, just open the door.

00:58:15Guest:I'm not here to bust your balls.

00:58:18Guest:And I opened the door, and he's like, is there a girl named Christina staying here?

00:58:22Guest:And I was like, yeah, she just went to bed.

00:58:23Guest:And he's like, well...

00:58:25Guest:you know can you talk to me for a minute apparently her and some guy went down to the beach um and uh this was the first year of that el nino shit i forget what year it was jerry garcia died that same week i just remember we were talking about it that day but um yeah either way she went down to the um

00:58:44Guest:to the beach with this guy and they got in the water and i guess like this undercurrent was just insane i don't know she got sucked out and drowned and uh but she had just met that guy a couple nights before when we were all out at a bar so the cop uh pretty much was like no it looks like she drowned

00:59:02Guest:And then all the girls started waking up and like, what's going on?

00:59:05Guest:Because there's a cop car on the lawn and I'm out there talking to the cop.

00:59:07Guest:And these girls, they grew up with her.

00:59:10Guest:They knew her since they were four or whatever.

00:59:13Guest:And the cop, they're kind of, what's going on?

00:59:16Guest:What's going on?

00:59:17Guest:And the cop just kind of was like, he's like, listen, I don't want, he's like, do you know her well enough to identify her body?

00:59:24Guest:Cause I don't, you know, I kind of want to get out of here and I don't want to, you know, deal with this other, like five girls that knew her since she was four.

00:59:30Guest:I mean, not that I handled it super cool either, you know, like what happened?

00:59:33Marc:So you go out to what they got around the beach.

00:59:36Guest:Oh, she's on the beach.

00:59:37Guest:Yeah.

00:59:37Guest:In a body bag.

00:59:38Guest:And they just like unzip the thing.

00:59:40Guest:And it's like, holy shit.

00:59:41Guest:Like I was, she was sitting at the kitchen table 20 minutes ago, you know, and it's just a dead body with foam coming out of her mouth.

00:59:47Guest:Oh God.

00:59:48Marc:Yeah.

00:59:48Marc:So the guy had called the cops?

00:59:49Marc:The guy she was with or what?

00:59:51Guest:I guess, you know.

00:59:51Guest:I mean, I don't really know what happened from there.

00:59:54Guest:But that was a big...

00:59:58Guest:Again, like that, because she was going to, you know, she was 22, 23 maybe, and was going to, she was taking summer classes at the community college in Philadelphia so she could get, you know, graduate six months earlier or whatever.

01:00:14Guest:So she was only coming down to this house like a couple days a week because she was going to school.

01:00:20Guest:And I just remember thinking like,

01:00:23Guest:i mean it's a weird thing you know that too just like how you're just it's like so real when something like that happens like you're just reduced to like it's just cops and you're out of your body you're not thinking about you you there's that moment where it's like holy fuck this is real shit it just really hits you over the head of like you know hey life this is fucking this shit this shit happens and like hey it's gonna happen to you eventually and

01:00:46Guest:and you know and then like yeah the cops you just up at the house and the one a couple things that struck me was one when the cops came they just had a ziploc bag with like you know forty dollars two earrings a driver's license like it was just like here's what you're reduced to yeah you know like now she's just a thing in a in a bag in the morgue and here's okay you know you guys whoever wants her earrings and her forty dollars you know have at it um

01:01:13Guest:But the, and her going to school too, where I was just like, oh, she's like, all that time was just for nothing.

01:01:21Guest:Like all this shit going to college and taking these summer classes and it was pointless.

01:01:30Guest:You should have just fucking, you should have just been having fun and stuff.

01:01:33Guest:That is a weird thing too.

01:01:33Guest:The girls, in one of her yearbooks or something, she had said that,

01:01:38Guest:Her biggest fear was of drowning.

01:01:41Guest:Like, she wasn't a good swimmer, apparently.

01:01:43Guest:But that's what kind of propelled me to the Ireland thing.

01:01:47Guest:I was walking around on my lunch break, and that had happened...

01:01:51Guest:either way that happened whatever sometime in the summer and um like a month later or probably less than a month later i was walking around philly saw this cheap ticket to ireland and was like fuck it yeah might as well you know like yeah you know kind of had that you only live once mentality and was like well i don't want to you know i know everything here already in philly and

01:02:13Guest:I can always come back, and so just bought the ticket and went there for a year and waited tables.

01:02:18Guest:What town?

01:02:19Guest:Galway, mostly, which is great.

01:02:22Guest:I was actually just back there last year or two years ago.

01:02:25Guest:For Kilkenny?

01:02:27Guest:No, I just went.

01:02:28Guest:My grandmom wanted to go, and so we took her to Ireland.

01:02:31Guest:Who, your dad or your mom?

01:02:33Guest:No, me, my mom, my aunt, my uncle, my grandmom, which...

01:02:38Guest:Man, that was such a fucking nightmare.

01:02:41Guest:Well, I was a nightmare.

01:02:43Guest:I was not going through a good time.

01:02:45Guest:I was, whatever, really stressed out and broke as fucking shit.

01:02:48Guest:When was this?

01:02:49Guest:A couple years ago.

01:02:50Marc:Oh, really?

01:02:51Marc:You'd made the decision to throw your life away on comedy?

01:02:55Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:02:55Guest:It was one of those...

01:02:57Guest:yeah and there you are with the history of you traveling we're traveling in a fucking bus tour that was the thing like my mom set everything up and like these you know they're not well-traveled people yeah and i kind of said to her before i was like just rent a car like you know rent a van and i'll drive and you know i know where stuff is and yeah and uh

01:03:15Guest:But it was like, okay, you're right.

01:03:17Guest:It'll be easier.

01:03:17Guest:They'll have, you know, they have everything.

01:03:19Guest:You do these bus tours, you get the hotels, you get dinner.

01:03:21Guest:They take, you know, go kiss the fucking Blarney Stone.

01:03:25Guest:But I, I was like this sullen teenager, like a fucking, you know, this grown bearded guy, just like, yeah, whatever.

01:03:32Guest:Like, I just was like, oh, this sucks.

01:03:34Guest:Like, because it's for old people.

01:03:36Guest:And it's just like, God, I know there's so much cooler shit.

01:03:39Guest:And now we're staying in this little, like, shopping town.

01:03:42Guest:Like, basically, they just drive to tourist traps.

01:03:44Guest:Like, okay, you got 15 minutes to buy up all the sweaters you can, you know.

01:03:48Guest:We're parking right next to this gift shop, you know, in this little town where you can buy a fucking... And then you're eating with all the same people and you get to know their weird foibles.

01:03:56Marc:And there's, like, usually... I did that one of those to Israel.

01:03:59Marc:And there's old couples on there and you could just...

01:04:01Guest:yeah you get to know people too well and that usually there's some sort of minor crisis someone passes out or shits their pants did that happen um you know now you mentioned it there was something with an old lady or guy yeah like where yeah they had to get off the bus or dehydrate or something i really i really it was like a overgrown sullen teenager for 10 days when you're around your mom sometimes

01:04:26Guest:It happens immediately when I'm around my mom.

01:04:28Guest:It's insane.

01:04:29Guest:I was talking to Peretti about that.

01:04:32Guest:Like, I turn into a fucking teenager.

01:04:34Guest:And then it's just like this cycle of being a shitty person and feeling guilty about being a shitty person.

01:04:41Guest:Like, I yell at my mom.

01:04:45Guest:I mean, she is a bit of a nag, you know?

01:04:48Guest:Right.

01:04:49Guest:But it's like...

01:04:51Guest:She'll say, oh, you know, make sure you call grandma when you're, oh, you got to see grandma before you leave.

01:04:55Guest:Oh, have you called grandma?

01:04:56Guest:I'm like, yeah, no.

01:04:58Guest:Yeah, I get it.

01:04:59Guest:I'll call grandma.

01:05:00Guest:Just fucking get off my back.

01:05:03Guest:And I'm just like, what are you, 16?

01:05:04Guest:You're a 37-year-old man.

01:05:06Marc:You try to hold out, though.

01:05:08Marc:I can appreciate that.

01:05:10Marc:When I'm with my mother, I literally have to fortify.

01:05:12Marc:Like, all right, dude, don't get locked into this shit.

01:05:15Marc:She's going to annoy you immediately.

01:05:16Marc:It's going to happen.

01:05:18Marc:But you're past this.

01:05:19Marc:You just let her be your own person.

01:05:21Marc:You don't have to fucking react like that.

01:05:23Marc:And I can hold out for like three days.

01:05:24Marc:But at some point, it's going to fucking blow.

01:05:27Guest:If you're staying, that's the, you know, hopefully financially I'll be able to.

01:05:32Marc:I think they look for it.

01:05:33Marc:I think there's some part of them that feels like they've lost you.

01:05:36Marc:But as soon as you act like that, they've got you again.

01:05:39Marc:oh it's my baby yeah something like some version of that maybe well yeah because then all of a sudden you're like god i'm sorry and they're like oh i didn't expect and then like you're locked in yeah yeah that's exactly how it goes so many like oh yeah it's just inescapable even on the phone sometimes like you know it's just oh the amount of times i just have to like not talk yeah yeah yeah okay yeah good

01:06:04Guest:Got to go.

01:06:06Guest:Yeah, and then I call her back 10 minutes later.

01:06:08Guest:Hey, mom, sorry about- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:11Marc:I didn't mean to cut you off there.

01:06:13Marc:Got things going on here.

01:06:14Marc:And then they're like, well, what's going on?

01:06:16Marc:And then all of a sudden, you're like, I got to tell her what's going on now.

01:06:20Marc:Well, yeah, that's why when you hear about those relationships, like that song, the cat's in the cradle.

01:06:27Marc:The other part of that is like, my father's annoying.

01:06:30Marc:You wouldn't want to call that guy every week.

01:06:34Marc:You know what I mean?

01:06:35Marc:My son was just like me.

01:06:36Marc:Of course he was, you fucking asshole.

01:06:39Marc:But I mean, that's what you never hear about those things.

01:06:41Marc:I feel a little distant from when parents are like, my kid never calls me.

01:06:44Marc:Well, there's probably a reason for that.

01:06:45Marc:There's two sides of that fucking story.

01:06:47Marc:What do we owe you that?

01:06:49Marc:But then, of course, you get old enough, like my age, you do kind of owe it to them.

01:06:52Guest:Yeah.

01:06:53Marc:At some point, you're like, oh, fuck, I haven't talked to the old man in two weeks.

01:06:56Marc:I wonder where the hell he's at.

01:06:58Marc:And then you just check in.

01:06:59Marc:You're like, all right, thanks for yelling.

01:07:01Marc:Yeah.

01:07:02Marc:Sorry you're upset.

01:07:03Guest:Yeah.

01:07:03Guest:I got to go.

01:07:05Guest:Sorry the drivers on the road are so bad.

01:07:07Guest:Yeah.

01:07:07Guest:It was nice hearing about it for 10 minutes when I was trying to pin you down for a Phillies game here, you know?

01:07:13Yeah.

01:07:13Marc:So now Amsterdam, what the hell was that about?

01:07:16Guest:That was just, you know, I was already over there.

01:07:19Guest:Oh, okay.

01:07:19Guest:Well, I mean, Ireland.

01:07:20Guest:I mean, once you're over in England or Ireland.

01:07:22Marc:It's like traveling around the States.

01:07:24Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:07:24Guest:You just take a ferry anywhere.

01:07:25Guest:And you stayed in Amsterdam for how long?

01:07:27Guest:That wasn't very long.

01:07:28Guest:It was a month-ish.

01:07:31Guest:Did it get dark?

01:07:32Guest:Get weird?

01:07:33Guest:No, actually, it wasn't like, you know, it's not like I wound up there for some drug-fueled action.

01:07:38Guest:Actually, I kind of wound up there because I ran out of money.

01:07:42Guest:Like, I had saved some money and traveled around Ireland and went to Prague for a little while.

01:07:47Guest:How was that?

01:07:48Guest:I heard it was amazing the whole time.

01:07:50Guest:I mean, not that I was fucked up, but every tourist that came, because I worked at a restaurant and we got a lot of American people.

01:07:56Marc:I keep hearing that, too.

01:07:57Marc:That's amazing.

01:07:57Guest:yeah they're like oh you can live there oh it's like five bucks a week and you eat like a king and you know beers are a penny and you can stay at the ritz carlton for four five bucks and uh and i got there and it's like i think stuff's kind of cheap but the country was so this was in 96 so this was like it's all kafka too right

01:08:19Guest:Well, it was... Yeah, kind of.

01:08:22Guest:I mean, it's... It's like a Kafka theme park or something.

01:08:27Guest:Yeah.

01:08:28Guest:That's all I heard.

01:08:29Guest:Well, it was very... It was very confused when I was there.

01:08:32Guest:Like in 96, it was just like, you know, kind of...

01:08:36Guest:whatever you call it, like, the Iron Curtain just fell and, like, you know, it wasn't Czechoslovakia, it was the Czech Republic now.

01:08:42Guest:Right, right, right.

01:08:42Guest:And so, like, now you can... You know, there's the... Whatever you call it, like, free market and shit that they didn't have before.

01:08:50Guest:So, like, there were...

01:08:52Guest:You can buy Levi's there.

01:08:55Guest:They're the equivalent of 200 bucks a pair.

01:08:58Guest:Nobody can afford them.

01:08:59Guest:Right.

01:08:59Guest:So you have people, everybody's just trying to steal from each other because there's this influx of, you know, all this, you know, Budweiser and Levi's and all this shit that they've seen on TV.

01:09:09Guest:But it's like, oh, but we can't afford any of it.

01:09:11Guest:So I'll maybe see if my friend has any money in his wallet because I really want some of that stuff.

01:09:16Guest:I mean, that's all it was.

01:09:17Guest:Like you'd go and buy a ticket for the Metro.

01:09:19Guest:Yeah.

01:09:19Guest:Give the guy your money, gives you the ticket.

01:09:21Guest:You're walking away.

01:09:22Guest:counting your change and then like you know as soon as you stop and have that question look and turn to him like hey did you he just hand you the money like oh you got me like it's like not even it's just part of oh so the tourists were getting screwed well everybody like I mean everybody was just trying to steal from each other and it's so funny because the Americans in that scenario are the enemy because they're going you don't have to pay for this shit Budweiser is not good where we live yeah yeah

01:09:45Marc:You know, Levi's are not great.

01:09:47Marc:But they are pretty great.

01:09:48Guest:They are pretty great.

01:09:52Guest:It wasn't like... I mean, it was fine.

01:09:54Guest:I just had a difficult time.

01:09:55Guest:The language is so different.

01:09:57Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:09:58Guest:And the street signs, you know, it's like backwards Ks and Pi signs.

01:10:01Guest:You know, it's like that Russian kind of shit.

01:10:03Marc:Yeah, no way.

01:10:04Guest:And so I'm like, I don't know where I am.

01:10:06Guest:And nobody speaks English.

01:10:07Marc:I get annoyed with that.

01:10:09Guest:It was kind of annoying.

01:10:10Guest:And like all the grocery stores, you couldn't like...

01:10:13Guest:Yeah, like all the food was kind of rotten.

01:10:15Marc:I get very intimidated by, you know, just not knowing how to do the regular everyday things where I go someplace.

01:10:22Marc:You know what I mean?

01:10:23Marc:And if there's a language barrier, it's like, oh, no, I'm really lost.

01:10:25Marc:And even if I ask somebody, it's going to be complicated.

01:10:28Marc:And, you know, I don't know how to buy food at this point.

01:10:31Marc:place there's no way because there's part of you that wants to you know kind of pass yeah but there's another part of you might just go I'm dumb I'm not from here I need a mommy yeah somebody hold my hand so when did the comedy thing start um and why uh funny as fuck oh well thanks Mark

01:10:52Guest:You're funny, too.

01:10:53Guest:Here you have a new CD out.

01:10:54Guest:That's an old CD.

01:10:55Guest:Oh, no, that's an old one.

01:10:56Guest:Yeah, no, I didn't start until I was, like, it was 2002.

01:11:00Guest:Yeah.

01:11:01Guest:When I really kind of started.

01:11:03Guest:I, like, dipped my... I was... I did weird stuff, though, before.

01:11:08Guest:Like, when I moved to Austin with the puppet girl, she would put on these puppet shows, and sometimes I would just, like, do, like, a weird kind of act before, like, to open for the puppet show.

01:11:18Guest:Like, what do you mean?

01:11:19Guest:Like...

01:11:21Guest:I would get a keyboard and have this pre-recorded keyboard music, and I'd sing songs and make believe I was playing the keyboard, and it was very believable.

01:11:33Guest:But yeah, just sing kind of like these sappy, like, you know, I will always love you and Phil Collins, fuck, Against All Odds, like real emotional kind of, you know.

01:11:46Guest:You would actually sing them.

01:11:47Guest:I would sing them and fake play the keyboard and then I'd like read off these cue cards in between like about medication.

01:11:53Marc:Goofy performance art.

01:11:55Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:11:56Guest:So I would do stuff like that, you know, just kind of show off weird, you know, dumb stuff.

01:12:03Guest:But the actual stand-up comedy wasn't until 2002.

01:12:08Guest:I heard about that contest, and I had met some... Actually, Fairbanks and Martha Kelly.

01:12:14Guest:The funniest guy in Austin thing?

01:12:16Guest:Right, yeah.

01:12:18Guest:Funniest person in Austin contest that they do every year.

01:12:21Guest:And Lucas?

01:12:22Yeah.

01:12:22Guest:Lucas wasn't around then.

01:12:24Guest:I mean, he's won it.

01:12:25Guest:He won it last year, I think.

01:12:26Marc:But it was Chris Fairbanks and Martha Kelly.

01:12:29Guest:Chris Fairbanks and Martha Kelly and like Michelle Balloon.

01:12:32Guest:They were, yeah, I was doing these shows.

01:12:38Guest:I did these kind of like loose sketch improv shows with these guys, Leon and Andy.

01:12:44Guest:And we did one at the Velveeta Room.

01:12:47Guest:And after our show, they were doing the open mic.

01:12:49Guest:And I met Chris and Martha and Michelle.

01:12:51Guest:I was like, oh, these people are like my age and kind of funny.

01:12:55Guest:Because I kind of dipped my toe in it a few years before and went to a couple open mics and just thought all the comedians were assholes and not funny.

01:13:02Guest:And they were kind of like...

01:13:04Guest:everybody had a chip on their shoulder and i was like ah fuck i'm not i'm gonna try to pal up to these guys who i don't think are funny yeah and are mean to me yeah um so then i you know saw it's like oh there's people my age who are kind of funny now maybe i'll try this yeah yeah and so they were like oh you should enter this contest and so i wrote like seven minutes worth of material like the day of the contest i mean material if you could call it that yeah

01:13:27Guest:And, uh, yeah, went and like made the finals that first year and yeah.

01:13:32Guest:And then it's just kind of, I don't, and well actually in Fairbanks again is that I was talking to him one night at a party and he's like, he had to go to Houston to go feature for someone.

01:13:45Guest:And I was like, well, what's that like feature?

01:13:47Guest:And he's like, oh, well there's an MC and in the feature you do like 20, 30 minutes and then there's a headliner.

01:13:53Yeah.

01:13:53Guest:And I was like, well, what's that pay?

01:13:54Guest:And he's like, oh, 600 bucks.

01:13:56Guest:And I was just like, 600 bucks to go talking to a microphone for 20 minutes for three nights?

01:14:02Guest:I make that much for loading fucking trucks for 40 hours.

01:14:07Guest:Where do I sign up?

01:14:08Guest:Yeah.

01:14:08Guest:And then he was like, oh, enter the contest.

01:14:11Guest:And, and that, that was, that's, that was the goal that I went into comedy with was I want to make 600 bucks a week.

01:14:17Guest:Cause that's about what I was making doing.

01:14:19Guest:Like I was, did carpentry stuff and built sets for the opera, you know, would set up at the PAC in Austin, you know, if like Phantom of the Opera came through, do the stagehand thing and all.

01:14:30Guest:But it's like, yeah, that shit's only like 15 bucks an hour.

01:14:33Guest:So that was the angle.

01:14:35Marc:Like, I can do that.

01:14:36Guest:Yeah.

01:14:37Marc:What a fucking racket that is.

01:14:41Guest:Yeah.

01:14:41Guest:And then you go and you see, I went to a couple comedy shows and kind of saw where the playing field was.

01:14:46Guest:It's like, oh, everybody's not Steve Martin.

01:14:49Guest:It's like, oh, I'm funnier than almost everybody I've seen so far.

01:14:53Guest:Yeah.

01:14:54Marc:why not why not throw my hat in there that's awesome yeah i mean i remember meeting you and you i remember we got along pretty well i think i don't know if you featured for me did you uh no i don't think we worked i don't think i don't think so i remember hanging out in the back of the room right and more than and then we're hanging out in that front bar it must have been i can't remember what year it was it was it was before i got divorced so it's probably eight years it must have been right when you started yeah it had to be like oh three

01:15:19Marc:yeah that sounds right yeah and uh i just remember you it struck me that you got one like dave anthony too there are certain dudes that just have a a type of crankiness that's you know fairly uh you know it's very authentic right and you can't really you know fake that right and it's a real gift to have that sort of like yeah fuck it yeah you know and uh and they seem to have it i but i swear to you i mean when i met you there it was just sort of like you're like i don't know

01:15:45Marc:You're just like on the fence kind of, you know?

01:15:48Guest:Yeah.

01:15:48Guest:Well, it's, yeah.

01:15:50Guest:I had a lot of years where I was pretty wound up and just that whole, because I didn't start until I was 29 doing comedy.

01:15:57Guest:And then it's, you know, it's tough when you start that.

01:16:03Guest:Not that I was like making, you know, not that I was like making tons of money or anything before I started, but...

01:16:09Guest:Just when you, yeah, when you throw yourself into that and it's like, you know, I was just on the road, like 2003, 2004, just driving around the country in my shitty Geo Metro.

01:16:20Guest:Middling?

01:16:21Guest:Middling.

01:16:22Guest:Yeah.

01:16:22Guest:And a lot of times, like, you know, you're just...

01:16:25Guest:i was pretty disenchanted like i thought oh i'll get involved in comedy everything will be fun and games for the rest of my life and like everybody's gonna be funny i meet and and everyone's gonna like you know get the joke and and found out pretty quickly like nobody has a fucking sense of humor like you know manager like booking club people they're all assholes they're all psychotic not all of you guys um

01:16:49Guest:and uh and and and a lot of these comedians aren't fucking funny and they're depressing motherfuckers like you're sharing a condo in Tulsa with some guy yeah and you see him do the same exact 45 minutes beat for beat every night yeah that you know maybe was funny when he was 25 when he wrote it but now he's 50 and he's still you know working in Tulsa but those are like sort of warnings I mean you know that's I mean that's

01:17:12Marc:sort of those moments where you're like, I don't want that to happen.

01:17:16Marc:And that's just part of it.

01:17:18Marc:But the interesting thing about you is that it wasn't like you just turned your back on, there wasn't some crossroads where it's like this path, that's the million dollar path.

01:17:30Marc:You must have been on the road at some point going, what would I be doing if I wasn't doing this?

01:17:35Marc:I'd probably be driving without a reason.

01:17:37Guest:yeah yeah i'd be driving a truck filled with sound equipment down to florida or something like i yeah i don't i don't ever like yeah i never have those moments of like oh i should have been a doctor it's like no i couldn't stay in school you know i barely graduated high school yeah um so yeah it's just kind of a grift it's just like oh what's the i actually had a meeting with somebody recently like a you know hollywood yeah fucking you know uh

01:18:05Guest:network meeting and uh they asked me what my goals were and i told him uh minimal effort maximum reward that's that's my goal that's my only goal in life i found that go over my manager told me not to say that again well you're doing good man and i and thanks for coming by thanks thanks for having me mark

01:18:32Marc:That's it.

01:18:33Marc:The amazing Brendan Walsh.

01:18:35Marc:Funny guy.

01:18:36Marc:I enjoy talking to him.

01:18:38Marc:He's an earnest guy.

01:18:40Marc:You don't meet many earnest guys in this racket.

01:18:43Marc:But again, I'll be in Louisville next week.

01:18:46Marc:September 22nd, 23rd, 24th.

01:18:49Marc:And 25th with Ryan Singer.

01:18:51Marc:Please go to WTFPod.com.

01:18:53Marc:Get on that mailing list.

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01:19:16Marc:Oh, my God.

01:19:18Marc:I'm sweaty, man.

01:19:19Marc:I'm sweaty.

01:19:21Marc:And I want to make some food.

01:19:23Marc:Okay.

01:19:23Guest:Talk to you later.