Episode 21 - New Mexico Road Trip Continued
Guest 4:Are we doing this?
Guest 1:Really?
Guest 1:Wait for it.
Guest 1:Are we doing this?
Guest 1:Wait for it.
Guest 1:Pow!
Guest 1:What the fuck?
Guest 1:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Guest 1:What's wrong with me?
Guest 1:It's time for WTF?
Guest 2:What the fuck?
Guest 2:With Mark Maron.
Marc:hey what the fuckers this is part two of my road trip through new mexico my home state last time we met up with zach galifianakis on the set of a movie he's shooting in albuquerque but today i am on a mission my friends to find an old friend from my past who i haven't seen in like 30 years so let's get back in the car
Marc:I'm in Corrales, New Mexico, which used to be this really quiet little hippie community, hippie ranch community.
Marc:It's out here right on the real Grande River in the Northwest Valley.
Marc:And we stopped by a farm store called Wagner's Farms.
Marc:And you can smell green chili just wafting through the air.
Marc:And there are these huge roasters out behind the farm store that are just these large turning cages over hot flames.
Marc:And they just fill them with green chilies that just kind of turn like a rotisserie over the flame until the skins come off.
Marc:The smell is amazing.
Marc:This is what New Mexico is known for.
Marc:Green chili.
Marc:It's the only place you can get it.
Marc:That's the sound here is this thing cranking.
Marc:And then around back, they have a machine that I've never seen before.
Marc:It's this weird antique-looking machine because it's apple harvesting time.
Marc:I guess it's the end of apple harvesting time.
Marc:And there's a machine that literally just buffs apples.
Marc:There's an apple buffing machine.
Marc:It kind of runs in, and there's all these different little...
Marc:rollers that have like polishing cloth on them and they just run like apples to them.
Marc:And I don't know how long it takes to buff an apple, but I certainly always wondered why apples were so shiny.
Marc:And that's why, because they are buffed in a machine.
Marc:They probably have more high-tech machines than the ones here, but the chili is just astounding.
Marc:Chilis are long, green peppers, and it looks like they put huge bags of it into these rolling flame roasters.
Marc:So it just smells like roasting green chili peppers all over the area down here.
Marc:God, I want some now.
Marc:I don't know how much chili I can eat.
Marc:Yeah, it's pretty spectacular.
Marc:The smell, I can't even tell you what it smells like unless you smell green chili.
Marc:And really one of the only places you can get green chili is in New Mexico.
Marc:And they have all these restas hanging in front of this place.
Marc:And that's what the dried green chilies turn a bright red.
Marc:And they make these strands of them, these hanging strands of red chilies that people hang on their door.
Marc:It's so beautiful here.
Marc:I used to come down here when I was a kid.
Marc:I had a buddy down here.
Marc:Eric Tippman used to live down here.
Marc:His dad was a big, tall, old hippie.
Marc:His dad looked like a hippie oak tree.
Marc:I was married to this woman named Carmen, and they had a little baby.
Marc:And Eric lived down here in Corrales.
Marc:I thought he was the coolest guy in the world because he had his own house, which basically meant that his old man made him sleep in this shack in the back, but had its own bathroom, his own house.
Marc:We used to hang out in there, listen to Rolling Stones music and smoke pot.
Marc:I don't know what happened to Eric Tittman.
Marc:The other guy was Dave Gentry.
Marc:His dad used to be the mayor of Corrales.
Marc:His dad used to make, you know, redo hot rod cars.
Marc:I think he became a paramedic.
Marc:I don't know what happened to him either.
Marc:Hopefully we're going to go by and see my buddy Dean Hines, who used to live down here, who used to live up in the Heights.
Marc:He lives down here now.
Marc:And Dean was a guy I met in seventh grade.
Marc:He had cerebral palsy.
Marc:And it was a very interesting way that I met him.
Marc:But I haven't seen him in 30 years.
Marc:30 years.
Marc:We were buddies for a few years, like best friends.
Marc:And I literally lost touch with him.
Marc:And I'm very curious to see what that's like to catch up with somebody you haven't seen in 30 years and record that.
Marc:It should be interesting.
Marc:God, I love the smell of green chili.
Marc:Okay, so I think this is it.
Marc:This is my friend Dean's house out here in Corrales.
Marc:I wonder what that little hut is there.
Marc:Really, it looks a little small for a guest house.
Marc:It looks like a laboratory.
Marc:Not lavatory, laboratory.
Marc:Where are you going?
Marc:We could just ask him.
Marc:You don't have to look in the window.
Marc:Huh?
Marc:Oh, storage.
Marc:All right, so there he is.
Marc:What's up, Dino?
Marc:How you doing?
Marc:Yeah?
Marc:You look the same.
Marc:I do?
Guest 3:Yeah?
Marc:Nice to see you.
Marc:This is Megan.
Guest 3:Hi, Megan.
Guest 3:Hi.
Guest 3:That's all right.
Marc:So let's go inside.
Marc:I'll turn this off.
Guest 3:Can you grab the gate?
Mm-hmm.
Marc:You think someone's going to come and... I got a little dog.
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:So it's not paranoid.
Marc:You're not a paranoid guy.
Marc:Well, yeah, but I still got a little dog.
Marc:We're sitting in the kitchen at my friend Dean Hines' house, and now I have not... I don't think we've seen each other for 30 years.
Marc:Is that possible?
Guest 2:That's about right.
Guest 2:We were about 14, 15.
Guest 2:That's about, yep, yep.
Marc:That's insane.
Guest 2:It is.
Guest 2:It's like 10th grade is the last time we saw you.
Marc:And we weren't even going to school together then.
Marc:No.
Marc:But you know it's weird because I feel like a lot of times I do these interviews and I end up apologizing to people.
Marc:Yeah, for something.
Marc:So you're going to have to fill in my memory.
Marc:But I remember, do you remember how we met?
Marc:Because I remember.
Guest 2:You remember how we met.
Guest 2:I don't remember that.
Marc:I do remember how we met.
Guest 2:Was it with Sutton or somebody?
Marc:No, it was at Sandia Prep.
Marc:It was probably the first day.
Marc:And don't get all weird people listening.
Marc:Sandia Prep is a very loose use of the word prep school.
Marc:That place was not, there were no special outfits.
Marc:I'm not even sure that the teachers were necessarily certified.
Marc:Do you want to get your coffee?
Guest 2:Well, they were certifiable.
Marc:That's a lot of them were, right?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So here's how we met.
Marc:And I remember exactly.
Guest 2:Let's see if I remember it.
Marc:It was like the first day and we were in that gym of Sandia Prep and you were walking across the gym floor.
Marc:and I saw you walking, and I literally walked up to you and said, hey, why do you walk like that?
Marc:And you looked at me, and you said, because I have cerebral palsy.
Marc:And I'm like, oh, hey, man, I'm Mark.
Marc:Let's ring a bell.
Marc:Yeah, I've always been an asshole, I think is what the point of that is.
Guest 2:Oh, you're just direct, Mark.
Marc:But I assumed that you were just fucking around.
Marc:It was one of those moments where I'm like, oh, my God.
Marc:First day of school.
Guest 2:Well, it obviously didn't piss me off too much.
Marc:No, because we became very good friends after that.
Marc:And I do not, it's like my memory is so hazy of that school.
Marc:And I think what's interesting in our relationship is that we became friends.
Marc:I don't think, were we on the same bus?
Guest 2:Yeah, yeah.
Guest 2:Do you remember that bus driver?
Marc:I do.
Marc:Vanjie?
Marc:Vanjie, yeah.
Guest 2:Used to be on that bus for, what, two hours a day.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And I used to bring, like, I had such a crush on Vanjie.
Marc:I remember I used to bring that, my parents have this old Iowa,
Marc:portable cassette player and i made all these tapes of beatles music do you remember that i do because you turned me on the beatles i turned you on i thought you turned me on to the beatles well there you go because you you were like the guy that had all the well i did have all the beatles like you had all of them yeah and then we had that book and i went and bought a copy of that book like the beatles discography i that's i think you gave me that book i gave you that book yeah because it had it had like every song every album who sang what who wrote what
Marc:But you had all the Beatles albums and I was so envious of that.
Marc:I was like, now I have to get all these Beatles albums.
Marc:But here's the weird thing about Vanjie.
Marc:And I can't get a timeline on this because she was so pretty and she's cool.
Marc:And I used to bring that cassette player on to impress her.
Marc:And I don't remember when it was, but I must have come home to visit Albuquerque at some point.
Marc:And I'm driving down real grand over here because I live down there.
Marc:And they put a light somewhere where there wasn't a light.
Marc:That's my excuse.
Marc:So I ended up, you know, rear ending somebody.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And, and we pull over and it's Vanjie.
Marc:In the car.
Marc:In the car that I hit.
Marc:And, you know, here I'm like in my twenties, you know, and, uh, and I, I recognize her, but I didn't say anything right away.
Marc:And somehow, you know, cause she immediately got out and started doing like, Oh, my neck, my neck.
Guest 2:And I'm like, Oh no, I'm so pain.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And we ended up having to go to, uh,
Marc:And, you know, we called and for some reason I had to meet her over at the court building to, you know, to file something or whatever.
Marc:And then I said to her, you know, I said, you know, you were my bus driver.
Marc:You know, I used to bring the Beatles music and she looked at me and she's like, oh, my God.
Marc:And the the the pleasant outcome of this story is that she did not sue.
Guest 2:That is a pleasant outcome.
Marc:And I think it was only because of my childhood crush in the Beatles that I didn't have to go through some nasty.
Guest 2:Linden, you were channeling Linden.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:It was, you know, give peace a chance.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:So now the big part of our childhood that I remember was that we were in a band.
Yep.
Marc:You were the drummer.
Marc:I was a guitar player.
Guest 2:You're a Telecaster.
Marc:I had the Telecaster that I bought because Keith Richards had one.
Marc:And my parents bought it for me.
Marc:And I couldn't really play that well.
Marc:And I think we knew four songs or five.
Marc:That's my recollection.
Guest 2:That sounds about right.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:And we had Damon was the singer, and then somehow or another we integrated Dave.
Marc:These were guys I met at Highland, so they were from a different school.
Guest 2:And my cousin was good friends with Damon.
Guest 2:Who was your cousin?
Guest 2:Randy Brown.
Guest 2:You don't remember him much, but...
Marc:What I do remember is practicing in your living room.
Marc:Right.
Marc:I remember having a bass player.
Guest 2:Rolf Pindle was with us a few times.
Guest 2:Is that true?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:Now, see, this is like... I'll dig it up.
Guest 2:I've got a tape of us.
Guest 2:No, you don't.
Guest 2:I do.
Guest 2:I have two tapes.
Guest 2:Of what?
Guest 2:What were we playing?
Guest 2:I have a tape of you and me in eighth grade, seventh grade, when you first got your guitar.
Guest 2:And I had my drums.
Guest 2:First, I got them.
Guest 2:And you came over to my house, and we made noise.
Guest 2:Now she and her band, who call himself Dan, were in the mix of the hotel.
Rocky versus, grinning and grin, and Danny Moss, in the showdown.
Guest 2:And I also, the other one is when we played the talent show.
Guest 2:Where Eric Tittman sang Jessica?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, I was in love with this girl, Jessica, who was in 10th grade in what must have been 8th or 9th grade.
Marc:And we played at this talent show, and I didn't have the guts to sing.
Marc:I still don't have the guts to sing in public, really.
Marc:So Eric sang it, but it was to Jessica.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you know what happened after we played?
Guest 3:No.
Marc:Her boyfriend, Ted Allen, punched me in the stomach.
Guest 4:He did.
He did.
Guest 4:When I look into your eyes, girl, I see the sky.
Guest 2:We kicked ass on that song, though.
Guest 2:We got a huge standing ovation.
Marc:We used to go to your house and set up in your living room, and your mom used to be there.
Marc:What was her name again?
Marc:Jeannie.
Marc:Jeannie.
Marc:And she eventually became very pissed off at us because we kept drinking all that Pleasure Time soda.
Guest 2:Yeah, that's right.
Guest 2:We had cases of it in the garage.
Marc:Cases of Pleasure Time soda, like the cheap soda.
Marc:And we just assumed we could all drink it, and it became an issue, didn't it?
Marc:It did.
Marc:Didn't she, like, start charging us?
Yeah.
Guest 2:No, but she did have an argument with you one time.
Guest 2:She did?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:How'd that go?
Guest 2:Well, you called her a bitch.
Guest 2:I did not.
Guest 2:You did.
Marc:I called Jeannie a bitch?
Marc:To her face?
Guest 2:Well, you were standing across the street from her.
Guest 2:Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Marc:How'd that pan out?
Marc:Was that about the soda?
Marc:That was about the soda.
Marc:wow maybe i should call genie and apologize i got some apologizing to make that's all right she's she's forgiving you oh god i remember there there was a time where the one event that i remember is that when i play guitar i sweat a lot especially if there were people around
Marc:Well, I remember one time some girls came over, Veronica, what's her name, and someone else.
Marc:And I was sweating through my clothes.
Marc:And I asked to borrow his shirt.
Marc:And he said, go into my room and get a shirt.
Marc:And I got this short-sleeved, ventilated putt-putt golf shirt.
Marc:And you got so fucking mad.
Marc:I did.
Marc:Yeah, because you were like that.
Guest 2:Oh, because it was my shirt.
Marc:Well, you said I could wear a shirt, but not that one.
Marc:Not that one.
Marc:The putt-putt shirt was very important for some reason.
Guest 2:I was really hooked on a putt-putt shirt, man.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, why is a putt-putt shirt so important?
Marc:Were you a champion or something?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:I was a champion player.
Marc:So I apologize for that.
Marc:And then I think the band sort of started to break apart.
Marc:I remember why.
Marc:We booked a gig with our five songs.
Marc:And if I recall correctly, they were Sweet Emotion, a very bad version of Tush by ZZ Top.
Marc:I think we probably played Johnny Be Good because it was all I knew how to play.
Marc:And then I can't remember any of the other ones.
Guest 2:We must have played a Stones song or something.
Marc:yeah maybe yeah maybe the band's name was midnight ramblers briefly and then it sort of went through another name i don't remember the other one i think we eventually i tried to name it change and uh we did we didn't we play did we go to bar mitzvah once that's it that's where things got dicey right yeah we it was i think we played a gig of some kind at the synagogue yeah we did and dave's brother roger who was a drummer
Marc:um, we, we asked if he could sit in on a song and it pissed you off.
Marc:And I think that was the, and that's why I wanted to apologize.
Marc:So now since we haven't seen each other in 30 years, so what's, what's been going on?
Marc:I mean, uh, now that we got that out of the way, I'm trying to think if there are any other specific memories.
Marc:Oh, I remember what happened to the, uh, cafeteria green Ford LTD.
Guest 2:I remember, man, I wish I had pictures of that thing.
Guest 2:well when you showed up at your first car i'm like oh my god is that military issue that thing was a tank didn't your old man yeah it was like 700 bucks it was an ltd bro ham green huge green with a dark green interior it was awesome yeah it was awesome and that's a stretch for that color i've never known anyone i don't even had like a 450 in it yeah i don't know if you remember how fast it was but yeah yeah it was hard to control around corners yeah it was a huge car
Guest 2:Actually, I'm going to tell a good story about Mark real quick.
Marc:Okay, go ahead.
Guest 2:It doesn't have to be quick.
Guest 2:It's left an indelible impression.
Guest 2:Do you remember the trip to Carlsbad?
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:I have my version of that story.
Marc:I can tell you exactly what happened.
Marc:What's your version?
Marc:My version is that... This is the super class of 81.
Guest 2:That's right.
Marc:That's what our class sponsor, Mrs. Hagam, called us.
Marc:and we were going on a class trip.
Marc:It must've been sophomore year, right?
Guest 2:No, it was ninth grade, eighth grade, eighth grade.
Marc:We're going all the way down to Carlsbad Caverns and White Sands.
Marc:We're going to spend the night down there and then come back up.
Marc:That's, that was the setup.
Marc:It was our big class trip.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:And we all went down there.
Guest 2:And one thing we were told not to do is have girls in our room and somebody sitting across the table from me right now had a girl in his room.
Marc:I know exactly what happened.
Guest 2:Yep.
Marc:And, uh, I got ratted out though, dude, who ratted you?
Marc:That guy Kaplan, he ratted me out.
Guest 2:Oh, that's not good.
Marc:I don't know why he did it, but I remember exactly what happened.
Marc:It was pretty horrendous.
Guest 3:Yeah?
Marc:Here's what happened.
Marc:So I'm in the hotel room with Patty, and I was in the bathroom with Patty, and I just...
Marc:And, you know, we didn't see a lot of boobs.
Marc:I mean, then, I mean, boobs are pretty special.
Marc:And, like, I'd just taken her bra off.
Marc:And I remember I had my hands on her boobs.
Marc:And Mrs. Hagam opened the bathroom door.
Marc:And I literally looked at her.
Marc:I had hands on boobs.
Marc:And she said, Patty, go to your room.
Marc:And so Patty put her boobs away and left.
Marc:And she goes, Mark, what are we going to do about this?
Marc:We're going to send you home.
Marc:We're going to send you home.
Guest 2:I remember you had to leave, yeah.
Marc:They sent me home on a bus by myself.
Marc:And my grandmother happened to be in town that week visiting.
Marc:So my grandmother and my mother came and picked me up at the bus station in Albuquerque.
Marc:And they were like, what happened?
Marc:I said, I got caught holding boobs.
Guest 2:It's not the worst thing that can happen.
Guest 2:When I was a little kid, I used to hold boobs too.
Marc:Yeah, exactly.
Marc:I mean, what's the problem?
Marc:Holding boobs is not unusual.
Marc:I didn't get reprimand or anything, but I never did, so it didn't matter.
Marc:You remember my parents, right?
Marc:I remember there was that period of time where my dad decided that he wanted to use you as an experiment.
Marc:He's like, I'm going to fix Dean.
Marc:Do you remember that?
Marc:I do.
Marc:That was the best thing.
Guest 2:He drove me around in that wedge car he had.
Guest 2:What was that thing?
Marc:The TR7.
Marc:Yeah, the TR7.
Marc:He had this big idea.
Guest 2:Yeah, he was going to give me the Botox back then.
Marc:Really?
Guest 2:Yeah, which actually turns out to be a viable thing.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:So here I was all ready to say, so lucky you didn't do it because we had no idea how crazy my dad was.
Guest 2:Well, you know, it might not have worked, but it certainly works today.
Guest 2:He wanted to break my leg, and not because I did anything bad to you.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But that's what you had to do?
Guest 2:Yeah, a leg break and then use Botox to relax the muscles.
Marc:No kidding.
Marc:And they're finding some success with that?
Guest 2:Yeah, lots of people are doing that.
Marc:Well, you don't seem to have changed at all.
Marc:I mean, in terms of... Not much.
Guest 2:Just a little older, a little fatter.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 2:I did have hair back then.
Marc:Yeah, you did.
Marc:There was some hair.
Marc:Yeah, and the paths we took, this is the interesting thing, is you were always... See, the nerds have won.
Marc:Do you understand that?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:You guys win.
Guest 2:Well, you know, you've seen the movie.
Marc:Which one?
Marc:Yeah, that one.
Guest 2:You know, we know what to do.
Marc:Yeah, well, no one knew you would take over the world.
Marc:Did you know that?
Guest 2:No, it was a secret plan, but...
Marc:We really didn't know it would work.
Marc:Because I couldn't even handle mathematics.
Marc:And I just remember you were doing calculus and physics.
Marc:And I was thrown out of school for cheating at some point off of some kid.
Marc:Because I didn't know how to do math that well.
Marc:And Mr. Sanderson actually hit me.
Guest 2:He hit you.
Guest 2:You just mentioned that.
Guest 2:He popped me in the face.
Guest 2:I do not remember that.
Marc:Well, I never got good grades, and I couldn't figure it out.
Marc:And there was no way for me to charm my way through math like I could charm my way through everything else.
Marc:And he hit me in the study hall there because, you know, he was like, you better point his finger at me.
Marc:You better do this.
Marc:You better do that.
Marc:And I pointed my finger back.
Marc:I'm like, okay, I'll do that.
Marc:And he just went.
Marc:He popped me right in the face.
Marc:He's like, don't be a smartass.
Marc:Like, you know, he was, like, offended.
Guest 2:And don't be smart with me.
Guest 2:Okay, duh.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I caused so much trouble.
Marc:You know, they kicked me out of that school because of that.
Guest 2:I didn't know you.
Guest 2:Yeah, I thought you just left.
Marc:No, I, what happened was they sent my parents a letter and I've talked about this on the show before that Mark has the wrong kind of leader leadership qualities.
Marc:And then we suggest a military school or boarding school cause he's not welcome back.
Marc:So my parents were like, well, I don't know what the hell to do with this.
Marc:So I went to Valley for a semester and then I went and begged to get back into, into a prep for the second half of ninth grade.
Marc:I see.
Marc:Yeah.
Yeah.
Guest 2:Actually, yeah, I sort of remember you being gone just for a while.
Marc:Yeah, I always caused trouble.
Marc:Mrs. Liberty's class, history class, she hated me because I was a smartass.
Marc:But I've made up with her.
Guest 2:I'll tell you one thing about your mom.
Guest 2:When I hear your routines, do you remember when she'd fix us breakfast?
Marc:Oh, God, that must have been bad.
Guest 2:And come out with the see-through?
Marc:oh boy yeah my mom backlit yeah my mom had uh had to weigh with the flirting with my friends i i'm not i don't think she swept with any of you guys no not me yeah i don't know i don't think so but she was definitely 40 and yeah didn't wear enough in general she was always fairly well i'm uh well i'm glad i put you through that oh thank you very much yeah i'll make sure that she listens now i'm gonna have to ask her if she did sleep with any of my friends
Marc:I can't believe we're talking about this.
Marc:It'll be all right.
Marc:So here's the, the, the diversion paths where, you know, I obviously was just, you know, uh, smart assing my way through life and not getting anything really done.
Marc:You on the other hand took the, uh, the higher road and, uh, you know, actually found a tremendous amount of success in, uh, in science.
Marc:Is that what you call it?
Guest 2:Yeah, on a good day.
Guest 2:Well, what do you do?
Guest 2:I'm an astronomer.
Guest 2:So after we parted ways, I finished up at prep, went to New Mexico Tech, which is down in Socorro here in New Mexico.
Guest 2:Got my master's in physics there, working with the Very Large Array.
Guest 2:That's a big radio telescope she's seen in Contact or 2010.
Guest 2:And then off to the University of Texas for a PhD in astronomy.
Marc:Damn.
Guest 2:And then after that, research faculty at the University of Arizona for eight years working on infrared cameras for Hubble Space Telescope and another one called Spitzer Space Telescope.
Marc:So did you have anything to do with that thing not working for a long time?
Guest 2:The original one?
Guest 2:No, no, I came in after that.
Marc:You came in to fix it.
Guest 2:We fixed it, yeah.
Marc:So you fixed the Hubble Space Telescope?
Guest 2:Well, not entirely, but our instrument was added after.
Marc:You designed an instrument?
Guest 2:I helped in the final phases of it.
Guest 2:I didn't do the design, but I helped calibrate it when it was on orbit.
Marc:And is it still out there?
Marc:It's still out there.
Marc:And what are we getting pictures of?
Guest 2:The thing I'd take mostly is we're looking for planets forming around other stars.
Guest 2:Okay.
Marc:Yeah, well, that's pretty impressive.
Marc:I got a couple of good jokes over the years.
Marc:Yeah, that's what I accomplished.
Marc:I got some good jokes, and Dean is helping us get information about how we can eventually get off this planet when necessary.
Guest 2:Yeah, but when the government's not giving us funds and things like that, it's good to have you around.
Marc:Yeah, to get everyone through the tough times.
Marc:Yeah, that's right.
Marc:To laugh through the reality that we may never get off this planet.
Marc:We're just going to destroy it.
Guest 2:Yeah, well, you know.
Guest 2:Hopefully not.
Guest 2:We're headed down a slippery slope.
Marc:In terms of astronomy as a discipline, outside of just sort of cataloging and researching galaxies and planets, what is the objective?
Marc:What do we seek to learn through that?
Guest 2:i where we came from i mean that's really it really everybody wants to know that yeah are we alone is there other other people out there other intelligent life forms you know and where do you uh come uh what what side are you on oh there has to be yeah yeah i mean when you and i were kids there were nine planets now what eight because pluto got booted yeah um now there's over 400 yeah well you know pluto was kind of pissed off too yeah yeah why did that get booted
Guest 2:uh because it's not a planet it says who it says us you know we just we get to decide how come you took so long to figure that out uh because we only knew within the last 10 years there's been a lot of pluto-sized objects that have been found in the outer solar system so we had a choice either you make all the of the other ones planets and you got like 20 30 planets
Marc:Which would confuse... They'd have to rewrite a lot of textbooks.
Marc:Oh, it'd be crazy.
Marc:Yeah, kids wouldn't be able to memorize them.
Guest 2:Or you make a decision that you really need to redefine what planets are.
Guest 2:So, planets have to clear their own path around a star.
Guest 2:And Pluto actually goes in between orbit of Neptune occasionally.
Marc:So that's a completely different setup in show business because planets who surround a star never define their own path.
Marc:They just hug the star.
Marc:They stick with the star.
Guest 2:I'm there all the time.
Guest 2:So it's looking for origins.
Guest 2:Where do we come from?
Guest 2:Are we alone?
Marc:Where are you at with that?
Marc:Because I don't look for God and I don't look for origins.
Marc:I know where I came from.
Marc:One lives in Florida.
Marc:The other one lives here.
Marc:I'm recovering from that.
Guest 2:Yeah, actually, I'm a free thinker.
Guest 2:That's a nice way to say atheist.
Guest 2:But most of the astronomers are, most scientists.
Guest 2:Because once you start looking at the universe, you're like... No one did this.
Marc:It's not possible.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:If anyone designed this, they had no idea what they should do.
Guest 2:And then, you know, you would not design us this way.
Guest 2:I mean, why?
Guest 2:What's either, either, you know, we're going to troubleshoot on an astronaut.
Marc:There's no God or he's a fuck up nuts, you know, but like, so what, if we were to troubleshoot the universe, what are the fundamental problems in terms of the design?
Guest 2:The design?
Guest 2:Well, every biological system doesn't work very well.
Marc:Right.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:I mean, you know, my back is thrown out today and, you know, people get old.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 2:You know, your knees bend the wrong way.
Guest 2:Right.
Guest 2:All that stuff.
Marc:Right.
Guest 2:You know, if you were going to design something, you'd certainly not do it the way it's.
Marc:Well, that's just human beings.
Marc:But I mean, as we get out of the galaxy.
Guest 2:Out in outer space, what we're finding is lots of organic molecules everywhere.
Guest 2:So the stuff that makes up your body.
Marc:It's everywhere.
Marc:So this is just some sort of fluke.
Marc:Pretty much.
Marc:Something, you know, lightning struck some body of water.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:Things started to come together.
Guest 2:We're finding, you know, the stuff that's outside the sand, you know, the exact kinds of minerals.
Guest 2:We're seeing those around these planets.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest 2:These systems forming.
Guest 2:I mean, it's exactly the same stuff.
Guest 2:so so then the big bang thing still holds yeah does primordial soup and lightning so the big bang is a challenge because uh it seems to be right but it's it's almost as uh as fanciful as as having a you know zeus or something oh really yeah i mean that's a that's a dogma that's a scientific dogma i
Guest 2:i wouldn't go quite that far there's a lot of evidence to support it yeah you're having there there's having to make a lot of stretches at the moment without physical evidence so then if it wasn't a big bang what was it well i don't know i thought you were working on this we're working on it i'm on it i'm honest to you know i'm honest to say that we don't know which is why it's not dogma actually
Marc:Now, do you think that the, uh, where do you stand, uh, on the, um, alien landings and, uh, and like, have you been down to site 57 and down to the car?
Marc:Area 51.
Marc:Area 51.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:No.
Marc:You haven't?
Guest 2:No.
Guest 2:So have I seen a UFO?
Guest 2:Absolutely.
Guest 2:You have?
Guest 2:Yeah.
Guest 2:There's lots of things that are unidentified flying in the sky.
Guest 2:Whether they're being flown or not is the question?
Guest 2:Even an airplane is unidentified till you notice that it's got numbers on it.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:So you're being sarcastic.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I feel that.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest 2:No, but as far as visitations from aliens, nah.
Guest 2:There's no evidence at all.
Marc:And the government's not hiding the body of an alien somewhere?
Guest 2:Well, they're not telling us.
Guest 2:Well, I know that, but what do you think?
Marc:No?
Marc:No.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Marc:But you're pretty sure they're out there.
Guest 2:Well, I'm not sure there's little green men on some planet, but there's got to be life out there.
Marc:Like a bacteria or a molecule?
Marc:Bacteria.
Guest 2:Small, simple life forms.
Marc:They're around?
Guest 2:They're easily made.
Guest 2:They're easily formed.
Guest 2:We can make them.
Guest 2:Basically, we're 10 years away from making artificial life, and that's not hard to do.
Guest 2:Making intelligent life, as you know, is pretty hard.
Guest 2:Yeah, and even God had a problem like that at the end of the South.
Guest 2:There still isn't a whole lot of it on this planet, right?
Marc:Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, it's touch and go.
Marc:Yeah, very much so.
Marc:Turns out that human life forms are very easily programmed and distracted.
Guest 2:Yeah, you know, just watching all the crap in Washington assures you that, you know,
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I mean, it's just a governmental system.
Marc:And, you know, it was a good idea.
Guest 2:Yeah.
Marc:But I don't know, you know, in terms.
Guest 2:TJ, you know, Thomas Jefferson.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, it was good.
Marc:And, you know, it still has a chance.
Marc:But people are people.
Marc:And they're greedy and prideful and ignorant and all the rest of the sins and this and that.
Marc:You know, it's a very small menu.
Guest 2:And occasionally they do good stuff, man.
Marc:Yeah, well, I think that it comes down to recently I've been ascribing to the idea that the bigger issues that we tend to speculate about and use as points of view are really a few steps removed from anyone's life experience and that the only real way that people can help each other is just basic kindness and just behaving properly.
Guest 2:Some courtesies and then not holding grudges either.
Marc:Not holding grudges or being spiteful or surrendering to fear to be the foundation of the way you look at things.
Marc:Does that make sense?
Guest 2:Makes total sense to me.
Marc:So you're not afraid of space, right?
Guest 2:No.
Guest 2:I'm not afraid of nothing anymore.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Not really.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:We've both been through divorces.
Marc:We understand that the worst has already happened.
Guest 2:That's right.
Guest 2:It can't get much worse.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you just never know how long it's going to last, boy.
Marc:But it's sort of funny to realize how our biggest enemy is firmly placed right between our ears.
Marc:That the biggest enemy most of us have is sitting in a small cradle in our skull.
Guest 2:Yep.
Guest 2:Yep.
Guest 2:Absolutely.
Guest 2:I get in my own way and piss on my own shoes all the time.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I love doing it.
Marc:I've pissed on my shoes most of my career.
Marc:I think I'm going to name my next CD that.
Marc:Pissing on my own shoes.
Yeah.
Marc:Dean Hines, it was great seeing you and catching up after 30 years.
Marc:Yes, good seeing you.
Marc:And let's go try to find that tape.
Marc:All right.
Guest 4:All right.
Marc:Okay, I'm going to try to close the show in a unique way.
Marc:I've come to the parking lot where I went to high school.
Marc:This was not the parking lot, but it was an adjacent parking lot.
Marc:There used to be a Wendy's just over there, which seems to be gone.
Marc:I don't know how that happened.
Marc:I remember when they built it, we were all very excited.
Marc:But this is where I used to park my car.
Marc:And my most profound memory about that parking lot was when Van Halen's first album was released.
Marc:and eruption was unleashed on the world, that you could walk through that parking lot and at least 75% of the doors were open with the little Jensen coaxials and triaxials, just blaring eruption going into you really got me.
Marc:It was quite a community bonding experience.
Marc:But what I want to share with you here today from the parking lot where I am standing is I'm here to relive a hate crime.
Marc:I am here to process a hate crime, my friends.
Marc:And I'm going to share it with you.
Marc:At that time, when I was in high school, I had a Datsun B210.
Marc:It was sort of a shit brown Datsun B210.
Marc:And I used to park in this parking lot.
Marc:And we used to drive out for lunch, come back from lunch, and go back to class.
Marc:I'm not completely sure how this happened or who did it, but one day after school, I walked out to my car.
Marc:And as I approached my car, I saw it was covered with something.
Marc:Somebody had done something to my car.
Marc:And as I got closer, I saw...
Marc:A Jewish star on my windshield and and die Jew on my windshield and Jew on the back windshield and on the hood and just a kike and everything.
Marc:All kinds of anti-Semitic swangs and horrible things were written on my car in Arby's sauce.
Marc:yes it was an arby's sauce hate crime but there was a mixture of arby's sauce and arby's horsey sauce which is white so there's a red and white theme going and it was very it was very disturbing because i was with friends we're walking out i'm like what the fuck who would do this who would do this horrible thing this horrible anti-semitic thing and arby's sauce on my car so i got into the car and i tried to i put the washers on the wipers on but they had loaded up the wipers with uh
Marc:with both kinds of sauces, so it just became this sort of pinkish-orange smear across my windshield, and I had to wipe it down and bring it over to the self-serve car wash and spray it off, spray the hate off of my car and Arby's sauce.
Marc:It wasn't funny.
Marc:It still hurts a little bit.
Marc:I don't know if just being here, standing in the place where it happened, is going to...
Marc:Really helped me process it.
Marc:But I want to thank you for listening.
Marc:And please go to punchlinemagazine.com.
Marc:It's a great website.
Marc:They got everything you need to know about comedy, news, reviews, breaking news.
Marc:They've also got a tight five.
Marc:These are five minute video interviews on punchlinemagazine.com with people like Stephen Wright, Michael Ian Black, me, Todd Berry, Paul F. Tompkins.
Marc:It's a great website.
Marc:And if you like comedy, you'll like punchlinemagazine.com.
Marc:Please don't forget to getyourjustcoffee.coop at wtfpod.com.
Marc:Knock yourself out.
Marc:Get a little merch.
Marc:I hear the pow, I just shit my pants mugs are flying off the shelves, my friends.
Marc:And again, thank you for your subscriptions and donations.
Marc:I really appreciate it.
Marc:And also, take care of yourselves.
Marc:And if you like me and you want to buy my CDs, you can do that right here on iTunes.
Marc:This has been very... I think I'm going to cry here in the parking lot of my high school.
Marc:Like that hasn't happened before.