Episode 208 - Live From Montreal

00:00:53Marc:I have spent four days on this fucking street, and if this is any indication of anything else happening anywhere in the world, I'm concerned.

00:01:02Marc:How the hell is that not the most fucking depressing street you've ever been on?

00:01:06Marc:It's like, it's like if, it's like, I don't even know how to explain it, but there were moments out there where I felt like I was in a vortex of pain, neediness, desperation, and complete fucking chaos.

00:01:22Marc:God, I love this town.

00:01:29Marc:I was so... I actually, some people who are online had a little bit of a pre-show.

00:01:35Marc:The people who were at the front of the line, because I needed to eat pizza compulsively, because I hadn't eaten since afternoon.

00:01:40Marc:And is there something about bad pizza?

00:01:42Marc:Like, I mean, it's not that it's bad pizza, like it works, but, I mean, do they keep it at that level of consistency?

00:01:48Marc:Is there any reason why it can't be better pizza?

00:01:51Marc:Because you know when you buy pizza at a place like that across the street, you're like, this is going to suck, but it's going to work.

00:01:56Marc:But...

00:01:57Marc:But they never improved the pizza.

00:01:58Marc:You're never going to go there one day and go, holy fuck, this has gotten better.

00:02:02Marc:It's always going to be that same shitty pizza.

00:02:03Marc:Why does it have to stay like that?

00:02:05Marc:Is this a question anyone can answer or should I just ramble on?

00:02:09Marc:I had an interesting moment the other night.

00:02:11Marc:I talked about this the other day at the alternative show, but I think I have to admit it again because it upset me.

00:02:18Marc:I saw somebody walking.

00:02:20Marc:Now, I don't know really what goes on here in Canada.

00:02:24Marc:You know, I know that we have, like, townies and people that make us uncomfortable in the States.

00:02:30Marc:but I feel like there's a lot here.

00:02:32Marc:Is there a lot of them here?

00:02:33Marc:Not in this room, but, you know, out there on the street.

00:02:35Marc:Like, I mean, like, I don't want to be judgmental because it's not my country, but do you walk down that street and go, holy fuck, I'm frightened for my country.

00:02:43Marc:Okay, all right, so I'm not being a dick.

00:02:44Marc:All right, now I don't... I have nothing against French people or French Canadians, but the language is starting to annoy me a bit.

00:02:55Marc:Is that wrong?

00:02:55Marc:It's my problem.

00:02:58Marc:I feel, because I don't understand the language, that when someone speaks to me in French, all they're saying is, you're a fucking idiot, fuck you.

00:03:07Marc:Is that happening?

00:03:07Marc:It is happening.

00:03:10Marc:So I'm not misunderstanding that tone.

00:03:13Marc:Most people can speak English, right?

00:03:15Marc:But when someone like me goes, where's the bathroom?

00:03:18Marc:They need to speak French to me, so I feel bad about asking to go and about having to go at the same time.

00:03:26Marc:I just want to make sure.

00:03:27Marc:Thank you for confirming that.

00:03:29Marc:But this has nothing to do with French.

00:03:30Marc:This had to do with me being a judgmental asshole for no reason.

00:03:34Marc:And I don't know if I learned anything from this or not, but I was getting on the elevator at the hotel, walking behind a guy who was in these really horrible shorts.

00:03:42Marc:I mean, they were just stupid looking, and he had a horrible T-shirt on.

00:03:45Marc:And I was looking at him, hating him for his shorts and his T-shirt.

00:03:49Marc:Which is bad.

00:03:50Marc:You shouldn't do that.

00:03:51Marc:Why would you hate somebody for that?

00:03:53Marc:But I literally was seething, like, you know, what the fuck is that guy thinking?

00:03:56Marc:Who would go out in those fucking shorts?

00:03:59Marc:That is the stupidest outfit I've ever seen in my life.

00:04:01Marc:How does he go out in that?

00:04:03Marc:And then I got on the elevator, and he turned around, and he had a scar that ran, like, all around his head.

00:04:09Marc:Like somebody had, like, put a cleaver into his head.

00:04:12Marc:And I had this moment where I'm like, oh, he can wear the shorts.

00:04:15Oh.

00:04:19Marc:I don't know what happened to that guy, but he's earned the ability to wear whatever he wants for whatever happened to his head.

00:04:29Marc:So that... I don't know why I even bring that up.

00:04:32Marc:It's such an asshole thing to do.

00:04:35Marc:So, okay, so I had poutine, and I don't... Yeah, but I went to that place at, what is it, Bankez?

00:04:43Marc:Is that what it's called?

00:04:44Marc:Bankez?

00:04:45Marc:All right, see, there was that attitude.

00:04:47LAUGHTER

00:04:51Marc:All I was trying to do was politely remember a restaurant.

00:04:57Marc:And you just basically said, by going, bankese, what I heard was, fuck you, learn the language, asshole.

00:05:06Marc:You don't speak French either?

00:05:08Marc:That doesn't let you off the hook, because that means you're posing.

00:05:10Marc:Because...

00:05:12Marc:The amount of attitude that was loaded into your limited understanding of the language because you knew how to say that word, didn't you?

00:05:19Marc:I get it.

00:05:21Marc:I get where we're at.

00:05:24Marc:So I went there, and I didn't just have regular poutine.

00:05:27Marc:I had the poutine with the sausage and the hot peppers and the Tabasco sauce.

00:05:33Marc:Yeah, I'm a real fucking hero.

00:05:35Marc:Yeah.

00:05:39Marc:You know how long that felt good for?

00:05:41Marc:Till I was almost done eating it.

00:05:43Marc:That's how long that felt good for.

00:05:47Marc:When I had about a third of it left, I entered, what the fuck am I doing?

00:05:52Marc:What am I doing?

00:05:53Marc:I have to eat it all now and then eat half of my girlfriends.

00:05:59Marc:So is that the national dish of self-hatred?

00:06:02Marc:Is that what that is, Poutine?

00:06:03Marc:Or is that just me?

00:06:04Marc:It was excellent.

00:06:05Marc:It was good.

00:06:06Marc:Let's see if there's anything else I need to talk about.

00:06:07Marc:Because I have a lot of... Look how I've outlined this.

00:06:11Marc:St.

00:06:12Marc:Catherine Street, Scarhead.

00:06:18Marc:These are my bullet points.

00:06:21Marc:French, Anger as Celebration.

00:06:26Marc:I think we covered it.

00:06:27Marc:I feel so much better that you guys are out there to talk to me before the show.

00:06:30Marc:I swear to God, I can't... I wish I could lie to you, but, like, there are moments before I go on to a show, because I had other shit on my mind, you know?

00:06:38Marc:I got to do a gala tomorrow in between us.

00:06:40Marc:I'm not prepared for it at all.

00:06:44Marc:Do you know what it's like to know you're gonna go on for 2,000 people, and, you know, in the middle of it, you could just be like, I don't have fucking anything planned.

00:06:51Marc:But do you know how much of me wants that to happen?

00:06:56Marc:Do you know how amazing it feels in a moment of silence where 2,000 people are looking at you, expecting you to be in charge, and you look at them and you're like, I don't know.

00:07:09Marc:There's no freer moment available.

00:07:11Marc:The humiliation of that moment is transcendent.

00:07:16Marc:I'm looking forward to that.

00:07:18Marc:That's going to be one of the best shows ever.

00:07:19Marc:I haven't locked up like that in a long time, but everything's been going so well, it's the only thing I can think of, is that I'm just going to be at the gala, I'm going to be midway through, and I'm just going to cry.

00:07:32Marc:That would be excellent.

00:07:34Marc:And then that video, like, they'd have to cut my set.

00:07:37Marc:I wouldn't get paid, but somehow just the crying would end up on YouTube.

00:07:42Marc:And then for the rest of my career, I'd be like, that's the crying guy from Canada.

00:07:49Marc:and then it would become my hook, and then I'd have to do that at the end of shows because people were expecting it.

00:07:56Marc:Wait till you see the clothes, man.

00:07:57Marc:He just cries.

00:08:00Marc:It's not really comedy, but it's kind of cleansing.

00:08:07Marc:Let's read some emails now and bring a guest up.

00:08:10Marc:Let's see.

00:08:10Marc:Wait, wait, wait.

00:08:12Marc:Thank you.

00:08:14Marc:That was a nice half-hearted small group of applause.

00:08:17Marc:Thank you.

00:08:20Marc:Podcast thumbnail.

00:08:22Marc:Hi, Mark.

00:08:23Marc:I always listen to your podcast on my speakers, much to the annoyance of my boyfriend.

00:08:27Marc:Turns out he assumed you were just a fat hipster with nasty long hair, and this perception was purely based on the picture of you on the WTF podcast thumbnail.

00:08:39Marc:As a result, he seemed somewhat biased against your opinions because the image of a fat, hairy, greasy Jew...

00:08:48Marc:was too distracting to him.

00:08:50Marc:Now, see, that sentence implies that he doesn't feel like he said anything alienating or wrong.

00:08:57Marc:Just thought he'd throw that in there, the Jew at the end.

00:09:00Marc:But this is him being nice.

00:09:01Marc:That's wonderful.

00:09:03Marc:And then in parentheses, it says, please be aware that this is his opinion and not mine.

00:09:06Marc:So, okay, the greasy Jew was his partner's.

00:09:09Marc:All right.

00:09:10Marc:However, after YouTubing a video of you and seeing what you really look like, he was like, oh, my God, Marc Maron is so cute.

00:09:16What?

00:09:19Marc:For a greasy Jew.

00:09:20Marc:No, I didn't say that.

00:09:23Marc:I must agree that you look pretty spiffy with short hair, and that illustrated picture of you behind the turquoise background doesn't do your looks any justice.

00:09:30Marc:Love the podcast.

00:09:32Marc:You are extremely interesting and funny, and I love listening to your show.

00:09:35Marc:Dan and Adam.

00:09:37Marc:Okay, P.S.

00:09:39Marc:Adam wants you to know that he is an art student and could make you a really great new thumbnail.

00:09:44Marc:But I don't think that is a very good idea because most people aren't extremely homosexual.

00:09:57Marc:And won't judge your entire existence on an illustrated portrait.

00:10:02Marc:That's a good one.

00:10:05Marc:This one has an interesting twist at the end, because it's fairly, it's a practical email.

00:10:10Marc:It's just a subject line that says, sound levels.

00:10:14Marc:No, it's like, you know, okay, here we go, thanks.

00:10:16Marc:Okay, Mark, thanks again for the great show.

00:10:18Marc:I'm writing to let you know that to my ears, I think you need a volume level adjustment on your guest mic.

00:10:23Marc:Mr. Tech Guy.

00:10:26Marc:The last few weeks I've been listening to your show at a very low volume while I work in a library slash study hall.

00:10:31Marc:Usually at the beginning of the show, I turn the sound down so that I can just hear you as you do the opening promos.

00:10:37Marc:But then when you bring on a guest, I can hardly hear them at all while I can still hear you just fine.

00:10:43Marc:At that point, I turn the volume up to hear the guest and then your voice is too loud and I start getting dirty looks from students.

00:10:50Marc:But shit, I don't want to sound presumptuous.

00:10:56Marc:Please just take this as a little bit of feedback from a listener who will keep listening no matter what.

00:11:01Marc:Act on it or ignore it as you please.

00:11:03Marc:So now at this point in the email, I'm like, what a fucking douchebag.

00:11:08Marc:But then comes the P.S.

00:11:10Marc:P.S., I can't masturbate around my cat because he attacks my hand and penis.

00:11:26Marc:The motion fascinates him.

00:11:28Marc:I have to go to another room and close the door so he can't follow.

00:11:33Marc:So now I don't think that guy's an asshole anymore.

00:11:42Marc:How can you not like that guy?

00:11:45Marc:All right, let's start the show.

00:11:52Marc:I'm really happy you guys are here.

00:11:53Marc:It's fun already.

00:11:56Marc:It's really fun.

00:11:57Marc:My first guest is a very funny guy.

00:11:59Marc:I feel like I've known him for like 15 years.

00:12:03Marc:We haven't talked a lot, so I'm looking forward to this.

00:12:05Marc:He's just co-produced, I believe.

00:12:07Marc:He'll correct me if I'm wrong.

00:12:09Marc:The movie Tell Your Friends.

00:12:10Marc:It's a documentary about a room in New York.

00:12:12Marc:I know he's part of it because they interviewed me and he was behind the camera.

00:12:15Marc:Please welcome Victor Barnado.

00:12:17Marc:Thank you.

00:12:22Guest:Yeah.

00:12:24Guest:Hey, buddy.

00:12:25Guest:Here.

00:12:27Guest:Here's a microphone.

00:12:29Guest:Thank you.

00:12:30Guest:You recognize Victor?

00:12:31Guest:Anybody?

00:12:34Guest:One dude.

00:12:35Guest:Awesome.

00:12:37Guest:How you doing, man?

00:12:37Guest:I'm good.

00:12:38Guest:I directed that movie, by the way.

00:12:40Marc:Oh, that's why you were behind the camera.

00:12:44Guest:I directed and produced the movie.

00:12:46Marc:Just know that I don't do that to be an asshole.

00:12:48Marc:I honestly didn't know and did not do any research at all.

00:12:51Guest:Nobody knows.

00:12:52Guest:It's cool.

00:12:52Guest:Nobody knows.

00:12:53Guest:I don't tell people really.

00:12:54Marc:Has anyone seen the film?

00:12:55Marc:Do you want to talk about the film?

00:12:56Marc:uh sure if you like to well i'd like to preface you're in it i know i want to preface it by saying this guy made a movie about a comedy room that seats seven people it's in a basement in new york and and at any given time 12 people can be in the audience correct that's fucking right yes so what now what was the angle of the movie

00:13:16Guest:The angle of the movie was just like letting people in on the type of shows that happen in those small comedy rooms.

00:13:22Guest:Because not everybody sees it.

00:13:23Guest:And so that was the angle.

00:13:25Marc:Yeah.

00:13:25Marc:I've got to be honest with you.

00:13:27Marc:I don't know if you people realize this.

00:13:28Marc:I've actually done that room many times.

00:13:30Marc:And I've actually written stuff there because there's absolutely no risk of anybody giving a shit.

00:13:36Guest:True.

00:13:36Marc:Have you ever been to a comedy show like that where you're actually part of the audience and you're like, God, this doesn't matter at all.

00:13:42Guest:Yeah.

00:13:43Marc:But there's a freedom to that.

00:13:45Marc:Am I right?

00:13:45Guest:Yeah.

00:13:46Guest:It's fun to do shows there because you can just fuck around.

00:13:49Guest:I mean, people don't care.

00:13:50Guest:I've done horrible things on that stage.

00:13:53Marc:Like what, Victor?

00:13:55Guest:Well, I have slapped a girl.

00:13:58Marc:No, you have not.

00:13:59Guest:Slapped her in the face.

00:14:01Marc:You slapped a girl in the face.

00:14:03Marc:I did a joke.

00:14:04Marc:I hope this has a good payoff.

00:14:06Marc:It's a pretty tough setup to come back from.

00:14:09Guest:I did a joke.

00:14:12Guest:I did a joke where I talk about I'm small and people think I'm small.

00:14:15Guest:And I say that you may think I'm small.

00:14:18Guest:You may think you're just going to beat me up.

00:14:20Guest:But come on, I will kick your girlfriend's ass.

00:14:22Guest:And this girl was pissed off about the punchline, about the actual joke.

00:14:25Guest:And she came up on stage and she was like, you won't hit me.

00:14:28Marc:Yeah.

00:14:30Guest:And I hit her.

00:14:37Marc:How was that received?

00:14:38Guest:It was hilarious.

00:14:40Guest:People laughed.

00:14:41Guest:She was not being cool.

00:14:44Guest:She was mean, so aggressive.

00:14:46Guest:Nobody liked her at that point.

00:14:48Guest:So when I hit her, everybody was like, thank you for hitting her in the face.

00:14:56Yeah.

00:14:57Marc:I'm amazed that people are supporting this.

00:15:01Guest:I know.

00:15:01Guest:But it was one of those moments where the world said, Victor, now you can get away with this.

00:15:09Guest:This is the moment where you can slap this woman and nobody will blame you.

00:15:14Marc:The world said that?

00:15:15Guest:The world said that.

00:15:16Guest:And I was like, thank you, world.

00:15:18Guest:I've always wanted to slap a woman in front of an audience.

00:15:21Marc:Thank you.

00:15:22Marc:Now, please say that after the show, you guys talked, and it was a reasonable experience for both people.

00:15:28Guest:After the show, she was... I think she was ready to go home.

00:15:34LAUGHTER

00:15:34Guest:She was ready to go.

00:15:35Guest:I mean, with me.

00:15:35Guest:No, no, no, no.

00:15:37Guest:She was.

00:15:37Guest:She was crazy.

00:15:38Guest:I mean, obviously.

00:15:39Guest:Who interrupts a comedy show?

00:15:41Guest:To get hit in the face.

00:15:42Guest:Yeah, exactly.

00:15:44Guest:People are crazy.

00:15:45Guest:You know people are crazy.

00:15:46Guest:I mean, look at your emails.

00:15:48Marc:Yeah, look at me.

00:15:51Marc:Now, what are you exactly?

00:15:54Guest:I am enthusiastic.

00:15:55Guest:I am enthusiastic.

00:15:59Guest:Yeah.

00:16:00Guest:Yeah.

00:16:01Guest:And I'm a black albino.

00:16:04Guest:Yay!

00:16:05Guest:All right, ladies.

00:16:06Marc:I didn't want to bring it up, but I do that kind of stuff.

00:16:13Guest:Yeah, that's fine.

00:16:14Guest:It's been an issue here and there.

00:16:17Marc:Well, I remember we had a conversation once where you got pissed off because you were always cast as the evil weird guy.

00:16:24Guest:When I first started, that's what I was cast at.

00:16:27Guest:But then I started turning down those roles, actually.

00:16:30Marc:Really?

00:16:30Marc:Yeah.

00:16:31Marc:How did you turn them down?

00:16:32Marc:I'm a serious actor.

00:16:33Guest:I was actually cast in a movie.

00:16:36Guest:An article was written.

00:16:38Guest:This guy was following me around for an article for The Village Voice.

00:16:42Guest:And he followed me through the first day on this movie set.

00:16:46Guest:And when I got to the movie set, they had changed my role on the movie set.

00:16:50Guest:And they wanted me to just be some weird, crazy guy in the movie rather than originally I was supposed to be like this lab assistant guy that's supposed to help out this person.

00:16:58Guest:And then they're like, no, no, no.

00:16:59Guest:We want you to hang out.

00:17:00Guest:The director decided he wanted you to hang out in the back and just be this crazy weird guy that we get to cut to.

00:17:05Guest:And I was just like, I'm not going to do that.

00:17:08Guest:And I walked off the set.

00:17:10Guest:And then they freaked out.

00:17:11Guest:And they're like, you'll never.

00:17:11Guest:They said you'll never work again.

00:17:13Guest:Like, we're going to do whatever we can.

00:17:14Guest:So you'll never work again.

00:17:16Guest:And my agent was behind me.

00:17:19Guest:My agent was like, yeah, I fucking leave.

00:17:20Guest:And so I just fucking left.

00:17:21Marc:And so you actually were the crazy weird guy.

00:17:23Marc:Yeah, I was.

00:17:25I was.

00:17:25Guest:I was a real crazy weird guy.

00:17:28Marc:After you said, fuck you, I'm leaving.

00:17:30Marc:And they were like, fuck you, we're going to ruin your career.

00:17:32Marc:And then you said, no, fuck you.

00:17:33Marc:And they said, oh, you're perfect.

00:17:35Marc:You've got to stay.

00:17:36Guest:Please.

00:17:37Guest:This is what we mean.

00:17:38Guest:Are the cameras rolling?

00:17:41Marc:But I fucking left.

00:17:42Marc:But didn't you play a crazy weird guy in the Schwarzenegger movie?

00:17:44Marc:Yeah, that was when I first started, though.

00:17:45Marc:Okay, all right, man.

00:17:46Marc:Don't get defensive.

00:17:47Guest:You're a director now.

00:17:48Guest:Nah, dude.

00:17:48Guest:Keep it real.

00:17:49Guest:No, that was when I first started.

00:17:51Guest:That was... But the funny thing about that, that was actually... I was supposed to be a good... In the original script, I was supposed to be a good guy.

00:17:58Marc:No, this is again.

00:17:59Marc:You show up on set and they're like, oh, no.

00:18:02Marc:This guy's not a good guy.

00:18:03Marc:Look at him.

00:18:03Marc:He's a crazy weird guy.

00:18:05Guest:I got hired by the original director, who was Marcus Nispel.

00:18:07Guest:Do you know him?

00:18:08Guest:No, but it was the movie End of Days, right?

00:18:10Guest:The End of Days, yes.

00:18:11Guest:Right, with Schwarzenegger.

00:18:12Guest:Yes, and the original director was Marcus Nispel.

00:18:15Guest:He does a lot of horror movie stuff right now.

00:18:17Guest:Okay, right.

00:18:18Guest:Isn't he directing the new Conan the Barbarian?

00:18:20Guest:Is that Marcus Nispel?

00:18:21Guest:Do you guys know?

00:18:21Marc:Nerds.

00:18:22Guest:Nerds?

00:18:22Guest:Come on.

00:18:23Marc:I don't attract nerds.

00:18:24Marc:I attract sensitive, depressed people.

00:18:26Marc:He did the remake...

00:18:29Marc:We're beyond nerds here.

00:18:30Marc:This is not a nerd show.

00:18:31Marc:This is specifically for people that are like, I don't know how to make it today.

00:18:40Marc:Those are my people.

00:18:43Guest:Marcus and Spell did the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

00:18:46Guest:Previously, he was the director of End of Days.

00:18:48Guest:He hired me.

00:18:49Guest:It was a large role.

00:18:51Guest:He was unreasonable.

00:18:54Guest:Universal fired him a week before the movie started shooting.

00:18:56Guest:The new director didn't know who the fuck I was, didn't audition me, but I was already hired on the movie.

00:19:03Guest:My part got cut way down.

00:19:04Guest:Really?

00:19:05Guest:Yes, exactly.

00:19:05Guest:Do you make people nervous?

00:19:07Guest:A lot of people don't know.

00:19:08Guest:I found out that people have no idea what I do or what I'm about.

00:19:14Guest:They just don't know.

00:19:15Guest:Because they have no point of reference.

00:19:17Guest:A lot of people would expect me to be like, people of Earth, they have no idea what I should be saying to people.

00:19:24Guest:So they just...

00:19:26Guest:A lot of people, they don't know how a black albino is.

00:19:29Marc:Are you blaming them for not having a point of reference?

00:19:33Marc:No, I'm not blaming them.

00:19:34Marc:These assholes have no point of reference for a black albino.

00:19:37Guest:No, but I'm not giving them a point of reference either because I do weird shit.

00:19:42Guest:Like, you know, I slap women in the face.

00:19:45Guest:And that's not a great place to start for what black albinos are like.

00:19:52Marc:You don't have that on your resume, though.

00:19:55Marc:Victor Varnado, black albino woman hitter.

00:19:59Guest:I will put that on my resume.

00:20:01Guest:I don't have it just yet.

00:20:02Guest:Where'd you grow up, though?

00:20:03Guest:I grew up mostly in Minneapolis.

00:20:05Guest:Yeah, Minneapolis!

00:20:08Marc:Minneapolis in your back.

00:20:10Marc:But growing up, I can't imagine the amount of shit you got.

00:20:13Guest:Yeah, I was... Is that weird for me to just bring that up like that?

00:20:18Guest:No, not at all.

00:20:20Guest:I actually appreciate when people ask me honest questions about stuff rather than trying to figure it out on their own.

00:20:26Guest:I think that when he was probably growing up... It's really difficult because people didn't know how to hate him.

00:20:33Marc:They knew they wanted to hate him, but they weren't clear which angle to take.

00:20:37Guest:Yeah, a lot of people didn't know.

00:20:38Guest:They didn't have a name for me.

00:20:39Guest:They just called me Albino.

00:20:40Guest:They didn't know what name to call me, so they just called me the medical one, I guess.

00:20:47Guest:But yeah, when I was growing up, I had a lot of fights.

00:20:50Guest:A lot of fights.

00:20:51Guest:And then I joined the wrestling team and started to win more fights.

00:20:53Marc:Really?

00:20:54Marc:Yeah.

00:20:55Marc:Varsity wrestler.

00:20:56Marc:You could have been an interesting professional wrestler.

00:20:58Guest:Yeah.

00:20:58Guest:I would have loved to be.

00:21:00Guest:I would have been like the albino and been like a vampire dude.

00:21:03Guest:That would have been a fucking awesome wrestler.

00:21:05Marc:Do people sometimes not know?

00:21:09Marc:Have you had situations where maybe people don't know you're black?

00:21:14Guest:Often.

00:21:16Guest:People say really racist shit to me all the time.

00:21:20Guest:Not only do they not know I'm, they don't know I'm black, but then they also think, I'm a racist comrade.

00:21:25Guest:I don't know why.

00:21:27Guest:Like, that comes out of people as well.

00:21:29Guest:Like, how do you mean?

00:21:31Guest:I mean, like, okay, you're white.

00:21:35Guest:Yeah.

00:21:35Guest:Okay.

00:21:37Guest:But other white people don't often walk up to you and start being like, these niggas, I hate niggas.

00:21:42Guest:Like, do they do that all the time?

00:21:43Guest:They do that to me a lot.

00:21:45Guest:And I don't know why that is.

00:21:48Guest:Recently, actually, recently I was in this cab ride and

00:21:52Guest:I was in this cab ride.

00:21:53Guest:This guy was racist and misogynist.

00:21:55Guest:This was like a 74-year-old Puerto Rican guy.

00:21:57Guest:He told me that.

00:21:58Guest:And we're in the cab ride.

00:21:59Guest:We're just going 15 blocks.

00:22:00Guest:And he started at the very beginning of the cab ride.

00:22:02Guest:And he's like, hey, are you going out tonight, huh?

00:22:04Guest:And I was like, maybe.

00:22:05Guest:And he's like, you're going to get some pussy?

00:22:06Guest:And I was like, uh...

00:22:08Guest:I didn't want to be involved, so I was just like, who knows?

00:22:12Guest:And then he starts going off.

00:22:15Guest:He's like, open opportunity.

00:22:16Guest:He's like, you know the best kind of pussy?

00:22:17Guest:It's Chinese pussy.

00:22:18Guest:And I'm like, I don't know if that's the best or whatever.

00:22:21Guest:And he goes, it's Chinese and Hawaiian.

00:22:23Guest:And I was like, dude, come on.

00:22:26Guest:You've never fucked a Hawaiian girl, seriously.

00:22:28Guest:But then he goes off.

00:22:30Guest:He goes, the thing that's wrong with Chinese pussy is that they like monkeys.

00:22:35Oh!

00:22:35Guest:That's what he says.

00:22:37Guest:They're like monkeys.

00:22:37Guest:And I was like, you mean black people?

00:22:39Guest:And he goes, I call them monkeys.

00:22:41Guest:And I know.

00:22:43Guest:And I'm always nice enough.

00:22:44Guest:I don't immediately start off by screaming at people.

00:22:48Guest:I give them a chance to back up before I tell them I'm black.

00:22:52Guest:I don't immediately just go for the stab.

00:22:54Marc:You're diplomatic?

00:22:55Guest:Yeah, I am.

00:22:57Guest:I'm like, dude, you can't call black people monkeys.

00:23:00Guest:They don't like that.

00:23:01Guest:And he goes, they don't fucking care.

00:23:03Guest:And I was like, well, I'm black, and I care.

00:23:06Guest:And he goes, they're still fucking monkeys.

00:23:09Guest:Yeah, he fucking was still behind it.

00:23:11Guest:But then at the end of the trip, I get out of the cab, and he's like, $12, and I give him $12.

00:23:16Guest:He's like, no tip?

00:23:18No.

00:23:18Guest:And I was like, no, dude, no tip.

00:23:22Guest:And he's like, black people.

00:23:24Guest:Yo!

00:23:27Guest:He won.

00:23:30Guest:He fucking won the night.

00:23:35Guest:Victor Varnado, ladies and gentlemen.

00:23:38Marc:He can move down.

00:23:40Marc:Please welcome to stage Canada's own Jeremy Hots, ladies and gentlemen.

00:23:45Woo!

00:23:47Marc:Come on, you neurotic Jew.

00:23:49Marc:Get up here.

00:23:54Marc:How are you, buddy?

00:23:55Marc:Sit down.

00:23:57Marc:Look at that.

00:23:58Marc:It's Jeremy Hotz.

00:24:02Marc:Here.

00:24:03Marc:Yeah, take that one.

00:24:04Guest:Sorry.

00:24:05Guest:Is this okay?

00:24:05Guest:Oh, that's great.

00:24:06Guest:Sorry, man.

00:24:07Guest:Everything's working out.

00:24:08Guest:I was just whacking off in the back and this cat attacked my cock.

00:24:14Guest:I don't know where it came from.

00:24:16Marc:It's going around.

00:24:17Guest:Yeah.

00:24:17Marc:The guy who wrote the email is probably in the room.

00:24:19Marc:Unbelievable.

00:24:20Marc:Do you guys know Jeremy Hatz?

00:24:22Yeah.

00:24:22Guest:Thank you.

00:24:25Marc:How are you?

00:24:27Marc:I've known him for 20 years and he always used to say, like, I'm huge in Canada.

00:24:30Marc:I'm like, come on.

00:24:34Marc:Sorry.

00:24:37Marc:He's like, when I first met him, it actually, I didn't realize, because it's probably like 15, 20 years ago.

00:24:44Guest:Yeah, we're old.

00:24:45Marc:Yeah.

00:24:45Marc:But I was so excited that there were neurotic, angry Jews in Canada.

00:24:50Marc:Like, you know, when I met you, I'm like, there's more of us?

00:24:53Marc:Yeah.

00:24:54Yeah.

00:24:54Marc:It's not just you, buddy.

00:24:57Marc:But I had a hard time associating Jews with Canada at all.

00:25:01Marc:But you are more Jew than any Jew that I know, mostly.

00:25:04Guest:How many Jews can you put in one sentence?

00:25:07Marc:That's a lot of Jews.

00:25:08Guest:That's a lot of Jews.

00:25:08Marc:Just not Jewish monkeys.

00:25:10Marc:No Jewish monkeys.

00:25:11Guest:Yeah, I heard that monkey thing.

00:25:12Marc:Yeah.

00:25:13Guest:Sorry about that story.

00:25:17Guest:I don't know how to say anything else other than that's a really shitty thing that happened.

00:25:23Guest:I love how people share guilt.

00:25:25Guest:That's one of my favorite things.

00:25:27Guest:People are like, sorry, I know I had a little to do with it in the past.

00:25:31Guest:Well, you know, we've had our share of the Jews.

00:25:33Guest:I mean, you know, come on.

00:25:34Guest:Oh, I don't know.

00:25:34Guest:That's a tough argument to make.

00:25:36Guest:It is, isn't it?

00:25:37Marc:We were slaves in Egypt.

00:25:39Marc:Yeah.

00:25:41Marc:Yeah.

00:25:42Marc:No, you can't use that one.

00:25:44Marc:Fuck you.

00:25:44Marc:They wrote a book about it.

00:25:45Marc:Yeah, I know.

00:25:46Marc:They wrote a book about it.

00:25:48Marc:But most people agree that's a book of fiction.

00:25:51Marc:So I'm not a revisionist.

00:25:53Marc:I know the Jews have been through some stuff, but no one in my immediate family or any generation that I'm clear of built any fucking pyramids.

00:26:01Marc:Oh, the Jews built the pyramids.

00:26:02Guest:I know, I know.

00:26:02Guest:You know why?

00:26:03Guest:Why?

00:26:03Guest:Because the Egyptians couldn't fucking figure it out.

00:26:07Guest:Oh, there's Egyptians here.

00:26:11Shit.

00:26:12Guest:I guess some of them survived the closing of the sea bullshit.

00:26:19Guest:You really believe in that book, huh?

00:26:21Guest:Listen, man.

00:26:22Guest:It had pictures and everything.

00:26:25Marc:World's first comic book.

00:26:27Marc:Come on.

00:26:28Marc:Yeah, I'll agree with that.

00:26:29Marc:It was.

00:26:30Marc:So being brought up a Jew in Canada, is that different than America?

00:26:33Marc:I don't know.

00:26:34Guest:I wasn't brought up a Jew in America.

00:26:35Guest:You mean there are a lot of Jews here?

00:26:38Guest:Yeah.

00:26:38Guest:How many Jews are here?

00:26:41See?

00:26:41Guest:See?

00:26:42Guest:But do you feel like you're wayward Jews somehow?

00:26:44Guest:You mean wandering in the desert Jews?

00:26:49Guest:No, wandering in the snow Jews.

00:26:52Guest:Yeah, it's nasty here, huh?

00:26:54Guest:And finish a fucking street, Montreal.

00:26:56Guest:Jesus Christ.

00:26:57Guest:What the fuck is that shit?

00:27:00Guest:You get halfway done and some guy goes, and it's over?

00:27:03Guest:Fuck you.

00:27:06Guest:Yeah.

00:27:06Guest:Can't just put pylons down and go, we're gonna get to it later.

00:27:10Guest:Fuck off.

00:27:12Guest:And change your license plate.

00:27:14Guest:Je me souviens.

00:27:16Guest:I remember.

00:27:17Guest:What?

00:27:19Guest:When the whole street used to be there?

00:27:21Guest:I don't know what I'm doing.

00:27:24Marc:I'm just... I do.

00:27:26Marc:They're called local jokes.

00:27:28Guest:Yeah, those are local jokes.

00:27:30Guest:They're good.

00:27:31Guest:I just thought of them.

00:27:32Guest:Where were these when the fucking... When the gala was happening for me?

00:27:37Guest:I didn't have them.

00:27:38Guest:Did you have a bad time at the gala?

00:27:39Guest:No, it was fine.

00:27:40Guest:It was?

00:27:40Guest:Yeah, full of juice.

00:27:41Guest:Yeah?

00:27:43Guest:Did you use your hand?

00:27:44Guest:Of course I used my hand.

00:27:47Guest:I can't do my act without my trough.

00:27:49Guest:What did that...

00:27:52Guest:I actually do an impression of you.

00:27:54Guest:I don't want to see another shitty impression of me.

00:27:57Marc:No, it's not.

00:27:59Marc:It's no.

00:28:00Marc:No, wait, wait, wait.

00:28:02Marc:But people know I only do sound impressions.

00:28:05Marc:I don't do voices.

00:28:06Marc:I only do sound impressions or rhythms.

00:28:08Marc:And this is mine of you.

00:28:09Guest:It's just like...

00:28:24Guest:Fuck, I never should have done this show.

00:28:28Marc:I don't know.

00:28:28Marc:Oh, God, have you advanced to the eye?

00:28:30Marc:Do you cover your eye?

00:28:31Marc:I cover the eye.

00:28:32Marc:Are you eventually going to work to your whole face?

00:28:34Marc:Yeah.

00:28:35Marc:That's when my career is really going to take off.

00:28:38Guest:When they can't see my face at all.

00:28:40Marc:Hots has got a new thing.

00:28:41Marc:He's just screaming through his hands.

00:28:45Marc:Baby!

00:28:46Baby!

00:28:48Marc:When did you decide to do that, though?

00:28:49Marc:Was there a time where you were a young stand-up, and you were just nervous, and you were edgy, and you were all worked up?

00:28:56Guest:Look at you go.

00:28:57Marc:Stuck your hand on your face, and you're like, this is it.

00:29:01Marc:You got it.

00:29:02Guest:That's exactly how it happened.

00:29:03Guest:You're a fucking genius.

00:29:05Guest:You're a genius.

00:29:07Guest:That's a good decision.

00:29:09Guest:I know.

00:29:10Guest:I pulled that one out of my eye.

00:29:12Guest:Look, and it worked, right?

00:29:13Marc:No, but it actually, stylistically, because of your energy, it actually makes your physicality compressed while your head's about to blow off.

00:29:21Marc:And it seems to work.

00:29:22Marc:Like, you have this build, but this never moves, so people don't get uncomfortable.

00:29:26Marc:Because, theoretically, with the type of energy you have, you'd rather be going, ah!

00:29:30Marc:and just waving your hands like that.

00:29:32Marc:That's right.

00:29:32Marc:Right, so you just compress it, and that's where the fucking funny is, hot.

00:29:43Guest:You have studied my performance technique.

00:29:47Marc:You are a genius, Mr. Merritt.

00:29:49Marc:The great thing about him and I, though, is he'll get up there and kill with his hand on his face, and he'll make everybody happy, and then he'll get off stage and go, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

00:29:59Marc:That was a good time.

00:30:00Marc:Yeah, I have low self-esteem.

00:30:01Marc:All right, well, I didn't get that personal so quickly, but okay.

00:30:05Marc:Do you?

00:30:05Marc:Like in Ireland.

00:30:06Guest:Remember when we were in Ireland?

00:30:07Guest:I'm trying to remember that.

00:30:08Guest:What happened in Ireland?

00:30:09Guest:We bombed.

00:30:10Guest:Oh, I know.

00:30:11Guest:Remember?

00:30:11Guest:Yeah, we bombed.

00:30:12Guest:Oh, that's right.

00:30:13Guest:And then they kept saying how great we were.

00:30:15Guest:Oh, it's horrendous.

00:30:16Guest:How many Irish people here?

00:30:17Guest:Yeah, you guys don't fucking laugh.

00:30:23Guest:You got a bit of a problem.

00:30:24Guest:You make good soap, but that's about it, right?

00:30:28Guest:They do.

00:30:29Guest:They make good soap and cereal.

00:30:31Guest:Fuck off.

00:30:32Guest:But they laugh.

00:30:33Guest:Lucky Charms is a fine fucking cereal.

00:30:36Guest:And if you still don't eat it, you're an asshole.

00:30:39Guest:They're great.

00:30:41Marc:No, they laugh, but they just don't laugh at whiny people.

00:30:44Marc:You mean me and you?

00:30:46Marc:Yeah, they don't laugh at Jews whining because their whole disposition is like, suck it up.

00:30:51Marc:You know what I mean?

00:30:52Marc:Just, you know, take it, you pussy.

00:30:54Marc:So they don't like what we do.

00:30:56Marc:Yeah, Jews don't take it, you pussy, do we?

00:30:59Guest:No.

00:31:00Marc:We take it, then we complain about it, and then we take some more, and then it stops, and we go, what happened?

00:31:06Marc:There's no more left?

00:31:07Marc:That kind of thing.

00:31:08Guest:Yeah, and then we move out of the ghetto to the rich part of town.

00:31:11Yeah.

00:31:12Marc:And we don't take it anymore.

00:31:13Guest:Yeah.

00:31:14Marc:All right, well, let me ask you this.

00:31:15Marc:When we were in, I remember this now.

00:31:17Marc:We were in Ireland.

00:31:18Marc:No, I just have a few bullet points.

00:31:20Marc:Okay.

00:31:20Marc:I'll tell you what yours are if you want.

00:31:22Marc:Sure.

00:31:25Marc:I wasn't even looking at him.

00:31:27Marc:You bring it up.

00:31:27Marc:I'm sorry.

00:31:28Marc:Jeremy Hott, same age.

00:31:30Marc:Are we?

00:31:30Marc:Yeah.

00:31:31Marc:Yeah, we're old, man.

00:31:32Marc:I'm not complaining.

00:31:33Marc:LAUGHTER

00:31:35Marc:And then I just wrote miserable versus character.

00:31:38Marc:What the fuck does that even mean?

00:31:40Marc:What I did, what I said before, versus I'm fucking miserable.

00:31:45Marc:You know what I mean?

00:31:46Marc:There's a difference.

00:31:46Marc:I guess.

00:31:47Marc:Okay.

00:31:48Marc:Um...

00:31:50Marc:And then I just wrote arm choice.

00:31:53Marc:Oh, why the right hand instead of the left hand?

00:31:57Marc:No, just in general, why the arm altogether.

00:31:59Guest:I don't know.

00:31:59Guest:I never thought of that.

00:31:59Marc:Were you influenced by Jack Benny at all?

00:32:01Guest:No, not the old black and white guy?

00:32:04Marc:Yeah.

00:32:04Marc:No.

00:32:05Marc:All right.

00:32:08Marc:And then Canada versus U.S.

00:32:11Marc:That was the next topic.

00:32:12Marc:Well, what do you want me to say about that?

00:32:14Marc:Well, I mean, commit to something.

00:32:18Okay.

00:32:18Marc:I thought you were asking a fucking question.

00:32:20Marc:No, I meant to one or the other.

00:32:22Marc:What kind of half-assed interview is this?

00:32:24Marc:That's the way I roll, buddy.

00:32:25Marc:Make it up yourself.

00:32:26Marc:I think this is the most revealing interview you've ever done.

00:32:28Marc:I've read all your interviews.

00:32:29Marc:I've watched all of them on television.

00:32:30Guest:Well, you're the best interviewer.

00:32:37Guest:And when are you going to have your own talk show?

00:32:39Guest:Like legitimate talk show on television that you fucking deserve and you should have and it should have happened 20 years ago.

00:32:44Guest:When's that going to fucking happen?

00:32:46Marc:You know what I mean?

00:32:47Marc:Hold on.

00:32:47Marc:Let me ask.

00:32:48Marc:I'll ask.

00:32:49Guest:When is that going to happen back in the room?

00:32:55Marc:When is that going to happen, back of the room, people?

00:32:59Guest:Don't worry, there's no industry here.

00:33:01Marc:I know, they left.

00:33:02Marc:They left ten minutes ago.

00:33:04Marc:No, they're not.

00:33:06Marc:That wasn't being self-taught.

00:33:07Marc:That was really just a joke.

00:33:08Marc:Don't get sensitive.

00:33:09Marc:I'm okay with it.

00:33:10Marc:I don't need them anymore.

00:33:17Marc:That was a show where two weeks later, Mark Maron was crushed by show business.

00:33:22Yeah.

00:33:22Marc:Are you still in Vegas?

00:33:23Marc:That's what I want to talk about.

00:33:24Guest:Yeah, I go to Vegas once in a while.

00:33:25Marc:No, but weren't you working there like 50 weeks a year or something or 40 weeks a year?

00:33:28Marc:No, four.

00:33:29Marc:Four?

00:33:30Marc:Yeah.

00:33:31Yeah.

00:33:33Marc:But, like, every night for four weeks.

00:33:35Guest:No, just, yeah, every night for four weeks.

00:33:37Guest:Yeah, yeah, it sucked.

00:33:38Guest:It was shit.

00:33:39Marc:But, like, I worked there once.

00:33:41Marc:I don't know how the hell you deal with that.

00:33:43Guest:It stinks.

00:33:43Marc:Yeah?

00:33:44Marc:Yeah, it's shit.

00:33:46Marc:Aren't there a bunch of other comics that are just sort of, like, they've been put into, you know, kind of out to pasture in Vegas?

00:33:52Guest:Yeah.

00:33:53Marc:Isn't that a good gig?

00:33:54Marc:Because I remember when I talked to you about it, I thought you were excited about it.

00:33:56Guest:No, I wasn't excited about it.

00:33:58Guest:No?

00:33:58Guest:No, no.

00:33:58Guest:But there are, yeah, that's where you kind of, if you're a comic, you're saying that's where you go to die, right?

00:34:02Marc:Well, yeah, but you go to die and be paid well and have a big room and... Yeah, but you would never want to do that, right?

00:34:08Marc:There's not even an option for me.

00:34:09Marc:No, no, me neither.

00:34:10Guest:Same show.

00:34:11Marc:No, but what would I do in Vegas?

00:34:12Marc:I don't know.

00:34:12Marc:Could you imagine me in Vegas at the casino?

00:34:14Marc:I know.

00:34:15Marc:I mean, how would that even work out?

00:34:17Marc:It's disgusting.

00:34:18Marc:No, I'd be like, what do you people want?

00:34:19Marc:You know, I don't know how it would work.

00:34:21Marc:I've played there a couple times and it's a big drain and I find it totally depressing.

00:34:24Guest:Yeah, and it's sad to look at America like that, right?

00:34:27Guest:Because that's real America, right?

00:34:29Guest:They're fucking fat.

00:34:32Guest:Real America is fucking enormous.

00:34:35Marc:Now I'm getting a little defensive.

00:34:37Marc:Have you walked down St.

00:34:38Marc:Catharines recently?

00:34:39Marc:Have you actually taken in that street?

00:34:41Guest:Yeah, they can fit into the stores.

00:34:44Guest:I just want to point out that of the panel, you're the only Canadian and you're the fucking biggest.

00:34:50Guest:I'm just saying.

00:34:54Guest:What do you mean, I'm the fattest?

00:34:56Guest:I mean you're the fattest.

00:35:00Marc:See, this is like all it takes to deflate a Jew's ego completely.

00:35:03Guest:See, that's the end of it now.

00:35:04Guest:I don't want to do this fucking show anymore.

00:35:05Guest:No, I know, I know, I know.

00:35:06Guest:Who's this fucking guy?

00:35:08Guest:Is he allowed to speak when I'm talking to you?

00:35:10Guest:I thought your fucking thing was over.

00:35:13Guest:Oh, oh, is that what this is about, motherfucker?

00:35:14Guest:Is that what, am I allowed to speak when a white man is talking?

00:35:18Guest:Jesus.

00:35:23Guest:Hey, look, look.

00:35:24Guest:What the hell?

00:35:24Guest:He sounds awfully black for a white man.

00:35:31Guest:Did I miss the first part of the show?

00:35:36Marc:Jeremy Hotz, ladies and gentlemen.

00:35:39Marc:Nina, do you want to go on now?

00:35:41Marc:Oh, good.

00:35:43Marc:Hold on, let me set the mic up for the monkey.

00:35:50Marc:Why are you guys still taking it like that?

00:35:52Marc:When she comes up here, you're going to realize that what I'm saying is completely appropriate.

00:35:58Marc:Please welcome Nina Conti to the stage.

00:36:06Marc:How are you?

00:36:08Marc:Thank you for coming.

00:36:09Marc:It's nice to see you.

00:36:10Marc:I have a mic for the monkey.

00:36:15Marc:That's very nice of you.

00:36:16Marc:Thank you.

00:36:17Marc:This is Nina Conti.

00:36:17Marc:Do you know who she is?

00:36:18Marc:Yeah.

00:36:22Marc:So some of you don't, so I'm not even going to ruin it for you.

00:36:27Marc:Hi, how are you?

00:36:29Guest:I'm very well.

00:36:31Guest:I don't communicate well as a single person.

00:36:35Guest:I want to get the monkey out.

00:36:36Guest:You want to get the monkey out?

00:36:38Marc:Just be cool, Victor.

00:36:43Guest:I'm gonna break her fucking arm.

00:36:47Marc:Don't, you'll ruin her career.

00:36:48Marc:If you break her arm, she will have no career.

00:36:52Marc:Okay, here's the...

00:37:01Marc:I told you she had a monkey.

00:37:02Marc:She's a ventriloquist.

00:37:05Guest:I am a ventriloquist.

00:37:06Guest:She is a ventriloquist.

00:37:08Guest:Testing one, two, three.

00:37:10Guest:Look at that fucking monkey.

00:37:11Guest:Hello.

00:37:11Marc:Hello.

00:37:13Guest:How are you doing?

00:37:13Guest:How is everyone?

00:37:15Guest:Thank you.

00:37:17Marc:Wow.

00:37:19Marc:Does the monkey improvise?

00:37:20Guest:Yeah, I can improvise.

00:37:22Guest:It just means Nina sort of goes quiet.

00:37:25Okay.

00:37:26Guest:She laughs and I can't finish my sentences.

00:37:29Guest:We're going to try and talk to you as two people.

00:37:33Guest:You are?

00:37:33Guest:Yeah, she's going to do her best.

00:37:35Guest:I'll try and keep me alive and him.

00:37:37Guest:Is that okay?

00:37:38Guest:Can we try it?

00:37:39Guest:Okay.

00:37:40Marc:Can I ask... Okay, this question is for Nina.

00:37:42Guest:Okay.

00:37:44Guest:I'll answer it.

00:37:46Guest:I'm ready.

00:37:47Guest:I'm ready.

00:37:49Guest:She's ready.

00:37:50Marc:Look at this fucking monkey.

00:37:55Marc:I knew you were coming on the show, so I went and watched a lot of the monkey.

00:37:59Marc:What's the monkey's name?

00:38:00Marc:Lonky.

00:38:01Guest:Lonky?

00:38:02Guest:Lonky.

00:38:03Guest:She's a shit ventriloquist.

00:38:06Guest:His name is Monkey.

00:38:07Guest:Monkey?

00:38:07Guest:He doesn't have a name.

00:38:08Guest:I don't have the dignity to get a name.

00:38:12Guest:But you had to have this monkey made right no, he's a he's a shop bought toy Anyone can buy that monkey moving your water away so they can see my funny little face They won't have the pleasure of that on the podcast.

00:38:27Guest:Um, okay.

00:38:28Marc:I'm sorry that you couldn't see the monkey Shall I sit on something

00:38:36Marc:I don't know what that means.

00:38:43Guest:I'll scratch it like the cat.

00:38:46Marc:Well, I'm just curious because I watch some of you two work and I'm going to refer to the monkey as a real thing.

00:38:52Guest:Yes, please do.

00:38:53Marc:I will.

00:38:54Guest:She thinks I'm real anyway.

00:38:55Marc:No, I like looking at this monkey and watching it actually talk to me.

00:39:00Marc:I know this isn't great radio, but if I could explain to you the sort of baffled, weird look on this fucking monkey's face.

00:39:10Marc:I really, I just can't.

00:39:12Marc:Because like, you know, sometimes you watch Venturaquist and you're like, oh, that's like, that's Venturaquism.

00:39:16Marc:But then like, I watched her and she does this amazing thing with this monkey.

00:39:20Marc:I'm talking like she's not here.

00:39:21Marc:But like, and I just kept looking at this monkey and look at that dumb face.

00:39:26Guest:It's good.

00:39:26Marc:What?

00:39:27Guest:It's implacable.

00:39:28Guest:It's what?

00:39:29Guest:Implacable.

00:39:29Guest:You didn't pronounce that very well.

00:39:33Guest:But he's, yeah, I mean, I find his face fits all expressions.

00:39:36Marc:That's what it is.

00:39:37Marc:Happy.

00:39:37Marc:Yeah, I'm happy.

00:39:38Marc:I'm happy.

00:39:39Marc:Okay, let me ask you, did you ever do regular stand-up or was it always about the monkey?

00:39:45Guest:No, I wouldn't do stand-up without a monkey.

00:39:48Guest:That would be a waste of time.

00:39:50Guest:That would be a subtraction.

00:39:52Guest:And I've developed a personality in life which I find awfully gauche and eager to please.

00:39:57Guest:I don't think that's funny without a monkey, you know, to corrupt it and let you know she's a dirty fucking whore.

00:40:03Guest:I'm not.

00:40:03Guest:Not at all, but I'm not at all, but he just says things, you know, it's Tourette's, it's Tourette's.

00:40:08Guest:It's not even Tourette's.

00:40:10Guest:Fuck, shit, wank, tit, yes it is.

00:40:12Guest:Monkey, I don't even know if this is going to make the edit.

00:40:15Guest:I'm sorry about that.

00:40:17Guest:It's not all just dirty, it's just honest, what I come out with.

00:40:20Guest:Yeah.

00:40:21Marc:But now, you come from a show business family, correct?

00:40:26Guest:I do.

00:40:26Guest:My dad's an actor.

00:40:27Guest:It's Tom Conti.

00:40:28Guest:You're covering my stage, bitch.

00:40:29Marc:I'm sorry.

00:40:30Guest:Okay.

00:40:37Marc:What?

00:40:38Guest:Nothing.

00:40:38Guest:Sorry.

00:40:39Guest:Yeah, my dad's an actor.

00:40:40Marc:He's Tom Conti, right?

00:40:41Guest:Yes, he is.

00:40:42Marc:Yeah.

00:40:42Marc:He's a great actor.

00:40:43Guest:I know.

00:40:46Marc:You don't mind if I talk about him, right?

00:40:48Marc:No, not at all.

00:40:50Marc:Now, when you first said to your dad, Tom Conti, the actor, did you walk in with the monkey?

00:40:56Marc:At what age did you walk in with a monkey and say, I'm going to do this now?

00:41:05Guest:I don't know, 26.

00:41:06Guest:I was about...

00:41:10Guest:I remember better than you, Nina.

00:41:13Guest:Well, I was, yeah, I was late in life.

00:41:15Guest:I was at the Royal Shakespeare Company.

00:41:17Guest:That was a waste of time.

00:41:18Guest:And there was a wonderful director in Britain, he's very respected, called Ken Campbell, and he bought me a teach-yourself ventriloquism kit, 30 booklets in 30 days, and that's how far away anyone is from being a ventriloquist.

00:41:36Guest:LAUGHTER

00:41:36Guest:Take a knock, everyone.

00:41:38Guest:Come on, let's bring this good shack.

00:41:40Guest:That's not easy for a metriloquist to say.

00:41:43Guest:There was three Bs.

00:41:45Guest:You bring it on yourself.

00:41:46Guest:So I did these booklets, and so then I went to my dad.

00:41:52Guest:Yes, I did, and told him that I was going to do it.

00:41:54Guest:He was thrilled.

00:41:55LAUGHTER

00:41:55Guest:He was.

00:41:57Guest:Really, was he?

00:41:57Guest:Yeah, he was.

00:41:58Guest:He was baffled, you know.

00:41:59Guest:That's sort of what you wait for, is for your kids to find their metier, isn't it?

00:42:04Marc:I've had ventricles on before.

00:42:05Marc:I mean, I had Otto and George on.

00:42:07Marc:Yeah, and I'm sort of fascinated with ventricles in a weird way.

00:42:11Marc:Because when I was a kid, I had a Charlie McCarthy.

00:42:14Marc:I had the Edgar Bergen set.

00:42:16Marc:What was he, Mortimer Snurred?

00:42:18Marc:Me and my brother both had these dolls.

00:42:20Marc:But we eventually took all their clothes off and took the head off.

00:42:24Marc:and then we just had the head, and then it was just a dog toy.

00:42:28Marc:So I didn't commit to it, but I know it's an amazingly difficult thing to do, and you're very good at it.

00:42:35Marc:But are you weird?

00:42:37Guest:I think...

00:42:39Guest:I don't know.

00:42:41Guest:I think that author is concurring with his question.

00:42:44Guest:I think I'm just repressed.

00:42:47Guest:Oh, okay.

00:42:47Guest:Yeah, and she's shy, and yeah, I'm an outlet.

00:42:51Guest:It's a kind of therapy.

00:42:53Guest:I wonder if it's because, you know, we're all so trained to say the first thing that comes into our heads.

00:42:58Guest:Yeah.

00:42:59Guest:No, not the first, you idiot.

00:43:01Guest:This is what she goes on about all the time, and she got it wrong.

00:43:04Guest:No, you say the second thing, usually.

00:43:07Guest:You don't say the first thing.

00:43:09Guest:And what I'm trying to do with monkey is unleash the first thought, you know, the uncensored mind into the monkey.

00:43:15Guest:I don't know, it's not really working right now.

00:43:19Guest:The theory's good.

00:43:20Guest:The theory is good.

00:43:23Guest:I think it is working.

00:43:24Guest:Is it working?

00:43:27Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:43:27Guest:It's hard.

00:43:28Guest:It's hard, but I keep going at it.

00:43:30Guest:I made a film about ventriloquism this year.

00:43:33Guest:Oh, really?

00:43:34Guest:Yeah, and... She just got that in, didn't she?

00:43:37Guest:You didn't even ask her about that.

00:43:39Guest:I think she was worried you weren't going to ask her.

00:43:43Guest:But the guy who bought...

00:43:45Guest:Don't do a staring competition.

00:43:48Guest:I'll win.

00:43:51Guest:I don't even have eyelids.

00:43:53Marc:I so want him to be real.

00:43:56Guest:Mark, ask her about... Mark.

00:44:01Guest:Ask her about the movies like Magic and stuff when the ventriloquist goes fucking crazy and shit like that.

00:44:05Guest:You know what I mean?

00:44:06Marc:No, I'll go ahead and ask her.

00:44:07Marc:Thanks for doing that.

00:44:08Marc:Um...

00:44:10Marc:We're on the... It's being recorded, Jeremy.

00:44:13Guest:Yeah, so?

00:44:14Marc:Well, you just said, Mark, ask her, what am I, your fucking dummy?

00:44:23Marc:I was moving towards that.

00:44:24Marc:I was getting to the point where I was going to establish that she's out of her mind.

00:44:27Guest:I didn't rifle through your great notes.

00:44:31Marc:Okay, you want to do that?

00:44:35Marc:Okay, here's the notes I had for Nina.

00:44:37Marc:Choice of puppet.

00:44:39Marc:Why?

00:44:40Guest:Why, Monkey?

00:44:41Guest:It's not just me.

00:44:43Guest:She's got her granny.

00:44:45Guest:She's got a whole menagerie of things to help her out.

00:44:48Marc:Okay.

00:44:49Marc:Okay, Monkey.

00:44:51Marc:Do you have other puppet envy?

00:44:54Guest:Do you have other puppet envy?

00:44:56Guest:A little.

00:44:57Marc:A little?

00:44:57Marc:Yeah.

00:44:58Marc:Okay, so now when Granny comes out, are you sitting in the bag going, oh, that fucking... No, I'm not real.

00:45:05Guest:Oh.

00:45:10But...

00:45:10Marc:I'm treating you like a real thing.

00:45:12Guest:No, it's good.

00:45:13Guest:But we both know I'm not real.

00:45:15Guest:So it's a different layer of reality.

00:45:18Guest:No, I know I'm starting to buy it.

00:45:19Guest:Self-knowing reality.

00:45:21Guest:I know.

00:45:21Guest:Or non-reality.

00:45:22Marc:But is there ever a point, Monkey...

00:45:25Marc:Where you want to just take over and leave her?

00:45:30Guest:Yes, I think there is.

00:45:31Guest:He wants to take over.

00:45:33Guest:I did in a show.

00:45:34Guest:I mean, yeah, there's a show in which I become the monkey and then I take a little Nina puppet out of my bag.

00:45:41Guest:It's not as funny, but it's quite clever.

00:45:45LAUGHTER

00:45:46Marc:It's a little disturbing, the whole thing.

00:45:49Guest:Yeah, I suppose it is disturbing.

00:45:51Guest:I was talking to the monkey.

00:45:53Guest:Sorry.

00:45:56Guest:Stay out of it, Nina.

00:45:56Guest:I'm clearly established as the more interesting of the two of us.

00:46:05Guest:Next question.

00:46:09Marc:Wait, I'm going.

00:46:10Marc:I think I love you.

00:46:11Marc:I'm feeling that, but I don't know if I could support what you need.

00:46:17Guest:I don't know.

00:46:17Guest:I can't understand that question.

00:46:20Guest:It wasn't a question.

00:46:21Guest:It was...

00:46:21Marc:All right, this is getting weird, right?

00:46:23Guest:It's getting weird.

00:46:23Guest:Okay, sorry.

00:46:23Guest:It's because I'm not focused.

00:46:25Guest:What do you mean?

00:46:26Marc:I was completely focused on your monkey, and you were living through the monkey in that moment.

00:46:31Guest:I do, I do.

00:46:31Guest:But I mean, embracing the madness, I'm hoping that's where it's going to be most interesting.

00:46:36Marc:It's been very interesting.

00:46:37Marc:Is there a time?

00:46:39Marc:Now, do you scare men away?

00:46:41Marc:Do you have a husband or a boyfriend?

00:46:42Guest:I have a husband.

00:46:44Guest:Two kids.

00:46:44Marc:She's got two kids.

00:46:45Marc:Two kids?

00:46:46Guest:Yeah.

00:46:46Marc:Yeah.

00:46:46Marc:Oh, man.

00:46:48Marc:Now, is there ever a time where you tell your kids, like, you know, talk to the monkey?

00:46:52Marc:Yes.

00:46:54Guest:Not yes, but, I mean, I've noticed that puppets actually have a greater control over my children than I have.

00:47:02Guest:Is that true?

00:47:03Guest:Yeah, you can really abuse it with kids.

00:47:06LAUGHTER

00:47:06Guest:I mean, her son tells me things he wouldn't tell her.

00:47:10Guest:But when I'm there, I mean, he's not that right.

00:47:16Guest:He's just young.

00:47:17Guest:He's young.

00:47:19Guest:He's young.

00:47:20Guest:Yeah, well, you say that.

00:47:22Guest:There's a confessional thing.

00:47:26Guest:Kids are very confessional to puppets.

00:47:28Marc:But they know that you're in control of the puppets.

00:47:30Guest:He knows that I'm in control.

00:47:32Guest:And sometimes he prefers me to read the bedtime stories and that kind of shit.

00:47:37Guest:Yeah, that kind of shit.

00:47:43Marc:Oh, this is so trippy.

00:47:46Marc:It's bizarre.

00:47:46Marc:So now, but you've done whole one-person shows.

00:47:50Guest:The hand, the hand.

00:47:50Guest:I'm sorry.

00:47:52Guest:Sorry, I've done, sorry?

00:47:54Marc:You've done full one-person shows that explore a lot of things.

00:47:56Marc:Like, you know, I read that you did a show where you talked about evolution and about Freud.

00:48:01Marc:So you've taken ventriloquism to this other level.

00:48:03Marc:Do you feel like you've done that?

00:48:05Guest:Oh, I don't know.

00:48:06Guest:I mean, I went to a ventriloquist convention.

00:48:08Guest:That was fun.

00:48:11Guest:Because this is what happened.

00:48:12Guest:My mentor who gave me the Teach Yourself Ventriloquism kit, he died.

00:48:18Guest:Gosh, funny.

00:48:19Guest:He died and he left me all his puppets in his will.

00:48:23Guest:And that was a very unusual inheritance.

00:48:26Marc:Like, what were they?

00:48:27Guest:Well, Granny was one of them, and there were quite a few of them.

00:48:30Guest:And there's a place in Kentucky in America, this is only in America, where there's a resting place for puppets of dead ventriloquists.

00:48:39Guest:It's called Vent Haven.

00:48:40Guest:It's called Venthaven, and it exists, and they all sit there, and they all have that strange history.

00:48:46Guest:They've lost their voices, but they, you know, once... And it's spooky as hell.

00:48:50Guest:And it's not... No, I find it very moving.

00:48:52Guest:She's a freak.

00:48:53Guest:So I went... That's what... I took all these puppets to Venthaven, the bereaved puppets of Ken Campbell.

00:49:01Guest:You took them.

00:49:02Guest:You took his puppets on a pilgrimage.

00:49:04Guest:On a pilgrimage, exactly.

00:49:05Marc:A burial trip.

00:49:06Guest:Exactly.

00:49:07Marc:Yeah.

00:49:07Marc:So it's fucking weird, right, Monkey?

00:49:08Marc:Yeah.

00:49:09Guest:Yeah, it's weird.

00:49:09Guest:It's a road trick.

00:49:11Guest:In the film, she talks to all his greased cockets late into the night until she's lost her mind entirely.

00:49:18Marc:Is that true?

00:49:18Guest:It's true, yeah.

00:49:19Marc:Oh, my God.

00:49:20Marc:But do you ever feel like you're on the edge of... I love it when I do.

00:49:25Guest:I mean, it's not nearly often enough.

00:49:27Guest:You know what?

00:49:27Guest:You're indulging in looking into my eyes.

00:49:29Guest:Think how many days and nights Nina's done that.

00:49:32Guest:I've imbued his face with that personality for so long that I can't look at him without feeling like he's got it in him.

00:49:40Guest:It's no longer in me.

00:49:41Guest:It's gone down my arm and up into him for so long.

00:49:43Guest:Really?

00:49:44Guest:Real, yeah.

00:49:47Marc:So there is the possibility that you may have some sort of psychotic puppet break.

00:49:52Guest:I hope so.

00:49:54Guest:I hope so.

00:49:55Guest:But I think that when I mean off, possibly if I do go a bit screwy late in life and stuff, I'm going to be really weird, you know, as an old person.

00:50:03Guest:She's going to be really freaky.

00:50:06Marc:Okay.

00:50:06Marc:But you do have, like, you're able to turn it off.

00:50:08Marc:Like, you're able to.

00:50:09Guest:Yes, of course.

00:50:10Marc:And you don't ever have moments at home where you get into a state where you're, like, aggravated and you have to put the puppet on.

00:50:17Guest:No, I don't put the puppet on, but sometimes in arguments with my husband, I'll start using his voice.

00:50:24Guest:I mean, just to mess it around a bit.

00:50:29Marc:And how does that make your husband feel?

00:50:31Guest:How do you think?

00:50:36Guest:He cries.

00:50:40Marc:Well, I feel a little drained and excited by this whole experience.

00:50:44Guest:Oh, that's lovely.

00:50:45Guest:It was amazing.

00:50:47Marc:I had a good time, too.

00:50:49Marc:Do you do acting without the monkey?

00:50:52Guest:I do sometimes, yeah, but less and less because this becomes more interesting the more you do it, I think.

00:50:58Marc:And are there areas you want to go with the monkey that you haven't?

00:51:04Marc:What?

00:51:06Marc:They made it filthy.

00:51:08Marc:I did not make it filthy.

00:51:09Guest:I don't even know what they were doing.

00:51:10Marc:Why are you laughing like it was a bad question?

00:51:13Guest:It's not a bad question.

00:51:14Guest:It's just crazy.

00:51:15Guest:Like, I've never heard that question asked.

00:51:17Guest:Are there other areas you want to go with a monkey that you haven't?

00:51:20Guest:I just never heard that said.

00:51:21Guest:Ever.

00:51:22Guest:That's why I laughed.

00:51:23Guest:It's a euphemism.

00:51:24Guest:Is it in America?

00:51:26Guest:No, it's not about sex.

00:51:28Guest:No, it's not about sex.

00:51:29Marc:It's not about sex, you dirty fucking monkey.

00:51:33Marc:We had a discussion earlier, Monkey, about sometimes the word monkey is used as slang for black people in the States.

00:51:39Marc:Oh, all right.

00:51:40LAUGHTER

00:51:43Guest:You weren't listening, I wasn't listening.

00:51:46Guest:That's heavy shit.

00:51:49Marc:Nina Conti, ladies and gentlemen.

00:51:53Marc:You want to hang out or do you have to go?

00:51:58Marc:Oh, you do?

00:51:59Marc:Well, it was lovely having you.

00:52:00Marc:Oh, it's okay.

00:52:03Marc:Did you have a good time?

00:52:05Marc:Okay, Nina Conti, ladies and gentlemen.

00:52:12Marc:That was so fucking trippy, man.

00:52:21Marc:Yeah, she's hot, though, right?

00:52:24Marc:Look, you know, a lot of people condescend ventriloquism, but when you're standing there looking at it like that, and you want to believe the monkey, you can.

00:52:33Marc:I believe the monkey.

00:52:35Marc:I didn't notice the monkey.

00:52:42Guest:I'm just saying there were those other two things.

00:52:47Marc:She's married, and you know why she's leaving, you sick Jew fuck?

00:52:50Marc:She's leaving because she has to deal with her baby right now, and she wasn't even out of the room, and you started talking about her boobs.

00:52:56Guest:Okay, well, maybe I could be the next dirty little monkey.

00:53:00Marc:How's your wife?

00:53:04Guest:I'm not married.

00:53:05Guest:What happened?

00:53:06Guest:I was married for well over a year.

00:53:07Guest:I gave it the old community college try.

00:53:17Guest:You didn't even last two years?

00:53:19Guest:Yeah, it didn't last two years.

00:53:20Guest:What happened?

00:53:21Guest:She just kept staring at me.

00:53:22Guest:Next question!

00:53:26Guest:Never marry a woman that doesn't know how to blink.

00:53:28Guest:That's all I'm saying.

00:53:31Guest:Did you marry a monkey?

00:53:33Guest:Hey, don't get him set off again.

00:53:36Guest:Relax.

00:53:37Guest:Take it easy, Mark.

00:53:39Guest:Shit.

00:53:39Marc:I wasn't even... We're going for network here.

00:53:43Marc:My next guest will help us resolve all of these issues because he's fucking angry and tense and funny and I've known him for like, what, 15, 20 years?

00:53:50Marc:Mike Britt, is he here?

00:53:52Yeah!

00:53:58Marc:Hey, buddy.

00:54:00Marc:What's up, man?

00:54:04Marc:Do you know Mike, Jeremy?

00:54:06Guest:I'm not angry.

00:54:07Guest:Yeah, I know Jeremy.

00:54:07Marc:All right, I'm sorry.

00:54:08Marc:I'm sorry.

00:54:09Guest:I'm not angry.

00:54:10Guest:Why do y'all say that?

00:54:11Marc:I didn't mean to say it.

00:54:12Guest:You're not angry.

00:54:13Guest:Thank you, man.

00:54:14Guest:You're not.

00:54:14Guest:I was nervous as shit, because he was like, I'm adjusting the mic for the monkey.

00:54:18Guest:I was like, I know he ain't bringing me on this motherfucker.

00:54:22Guest:I know the fuck he not about to bring me up now.

00:54:27Guest:I was like, why'd you pick me this week to do this shit?

00:54:31Guest:Monkeys and black albinos.

00:54:33Guest:I'm like, what?

00:54:33Guest:This is personal.

00:54:38Guest:It is, Mike.

00:54:38Marc:It is.

00:54:39Guest:I was scared of shit back then.

00:54:43Guest:I thought me and Mark was cool.

00:54:46Guest:This is a nice country.

00:54:47Guest:Don't make me a monkey here.

00:54:50Marc:I'm just trying to keep it interesting.

00:54:51Marc:I had no idea.

00:54:53Guest:Nina is hot, though.

00:54:54Guest:Huh?

00:54:54Guest:Nina is hot, though.

00:54:55Marc:I know she, okay.

00:54:56Guest:I fuck her and that monkey.

00:55:00Guest:And that monkey.

00:55:00Guest:I swear to God.

00:55:01Guest:It's a red dress, right, though?

00:55:03Guest:Seriously?

00:55:04Guest:Something about that is very enticing.

00:55:07Marc:It's a red dress, man.

00:55:08Marc:So you're just able to look past the fact that she has a monkey with her.

00:55:14Marc:Come on, Mark.

00:55:15Marc:We don't give a fuck about that.

00:55:17Guest:That's the greatest story you're going to be able to tell your boys.

00:55:21Guest:What?

00:55:21Guest:You know, I fucked a ventriloquist, yo.

00:55:26Guest:It's true.

00:55:29Guest:Can you imagine?

00:55:29Guest:Put that midget story on the back burner.

00:55:31Guest:I fucked a ventriloquist.

00:55:33Guest:How dare you say midget?

00:55:35Guest:Yeah.

00:55:35Guest:I'm sorry.

00:55:36Marc:Come on, man.

00:55:36Marc:Little people.

00:55:37Marc:Little people.

00:55:38Marc:So, Mike, it's good to see you, man.

00:55:40Guest:Great to see you, man.

00:55:41Marc:I feel like I see you every five or six years, and I'm always like, there he is.

00:55:44Marc:He's at it.

00:55:45Guest:He's still going.

00:55:46Guest:I'm still here, man.

00:55:47Marc:Yeah, I mean, you were funny as hell the other night.

00:55:49Marc:I saw you being filthy.

00:55:49Guest:It was beautiful.

00:55:50Guest:Thank you.

00:55:51Guest:Yeah, I love the nasty shows, because you get to be... You went to the nasty shows, people?

00:55:56Guest:Yeah, but tell him that you're not a nasty comic.

00:55:58Guest:You're just a dad.

00:55:59Guest:Thank you.

00:56:00Guest:Even when I told Jeremy I did the nastiness, he's like, why would you do that?

00:56:03Guest:You're not nasty.

00:56:04Guest:I toured with him across Canada.

00:56:06Guest:He's not a nasty guy comic.

00:56:07Marc:Everybody has a nasty side.

00:56:09Guest:Yeah.

00:56:09Marc:They just have to bring it out.

00:56:11Marc:Yeah, it's encouraged to come out, and it's good.

00:56:13Guest:It's fun.

00:56:13Marc:Yes, yes, yes.

00:56:15Marc:But you don't generally work, Blue?

00:56:17Guest:No, no, no.

00:56:18Guest:I don't consider myself... I'm real.

00:56:20Guest:I'm raw.

00:56:21Guest:I say what I want, but not necessarily be nasty about it.

00:56:24Guest:Not thematically nasty.

00:56:26Guest:Thank you, man.

00:56:26Guest:Can you shut the fuck up and let him do this?

00:56:28Guest:Oh, sure.

00:56:30Marc:So you started in New York, though, right?

00:56:32Marc:Born and raised, yeah.

00:56:33Marc:Yeah, because I remember seeing him when you were starting out.

00:56:36Guest:Yeah.

00:56:36Marc:And it was like, didn't you go by Mike B for a while?

00:56:39Marc:I did.

00:56:39Marc:I sure did.

00:56:40Marc:Then you decided, you're going to go ahead and add the rest of the letters?

00:56:43Guest:Yeah, you mold it.

00:56:45Guest:It's my name, damn it.

00:56:48Guest:I was trying to be hip-hoppy in the beginning, and I was like, I need to be more global.

00:56:53Marc:Well, I just saw Jay Oakerson's show, and he was talking about how... I love Jay.

00:56:57Marc:He's funny as fuck, and he was talking about how these black dudes would just make up these names primarily because they didn't want to have to say their last name, because it was too complicated, or they didn't want it to be in their intro because they thought it sounded cooler just to be Mike B. Black people don't usually have a complicated last name.

00:57:13Guest:They're usually the first name that's tough.

00:57:15Guest:Okay.

00:57:16Guest:You know, like Shamanika.

00:57:18Guest:You're like, wait a minute.

00:57:19Guest:And then it's Jones.

00:57:20Guest:I'm like, bam, Shamanika Jones.

00:57:28Marc:But you decided Mike B wasn't working out?

00:57:31Guest:No, you know what I thought about after a while?

00:57:33Guest:First, you wanted something gimmicky.

00:57:34Guest:And then as I was going further, I was like, if I die tomorrow, I want people to remember who I was, not a character.

00:57:41Guest:Right.

00:57:41Guest:And every famous comic, every great comic has used their entire name.

00:57:45Guest:Right.

00:57:46Guest:So I said, it's time for me to use my name.

00:57:49Guest:Just in case I die.

00:57:50Marc:So do we take Sinbad off the list?

00:57:52Marc:Ah!

00:57:54Ah!

00:57:55Guest:Except Sin Back.

00:57:58Guest:You would find the one exception.

00:58:05Guest:Why not?

00:58:06Guest:We'd have everything else tonight.

00:58:07Guest:Why not a black pirate?

00:58:11Marc:I want to get him on the show.

00:58:12Marc:I'm going to get him on the show.

00:58:13Marc:I've got no real problems with any comics anymore.

00:58:17Guest:I have no issue.

00:58:18Guest:Anymore.

00:58:18Guest:I like the way you say that.

00:58:20Guest:They don't even understand.

00:58:21Guest:Yeah, I know what you mean.

00:58:22Marc:No, I mean, of course.

00:58:23Marc:For my entire career, every comic thought I was some sort of arrogant, judgmental asshole.

00:58:29Marc:And I was.

00:58:31Marc:But I can't dismiss anybody.

00:58:33Marc:I would like him to explain his outfits.

00:58:36Marc:I mean...

00:58:37Guest:That is the truth.

00:58:38Guest:He is probably the worst dressed brother ever in history.

00:58:42Marc:In history of black people.

00:58:43Marc:In fucking orange jumpsuits, man.

00:58:46Marc:I've made some mistakes on television, but an orange jumpsuit, and I don't think that's an unreasonable question to ask a person.

00:58:53Marc:Do you?

00:58:53Guest:What the fuck were you thinking with that outfit?

00:58:56Guest:His stylist must have the easiest job.

00:58:58Guest:She just puts shit together and he's like, I'll do it.

00:59:02Guest:I'm going to make that cream top and that purple shoes work.

00:59:10Guest:You gotta love the boldness of it.

00:59:13Guest:Believe in me, I will make this fucking work.

00:59:16Guest:Like a dare.

00:59:18Guest:Like a fashion dare.

00:59:19Guest:I dare you to put that shit together.

00:59:20Guest:You're like, watch me.

00:59:21Guest:And then your fucking special rocks.

00:59:25Guest:You're like, fuck!

00:59:27Guest:You did it.

00:59:29Marc:Oh, fuck.

00:59:31Marc:Can we talk about, like, because I, like, I don't know.

00:59:34Marc:Did you start in black rooms?

00:59:36Marc:Yes, I did.

00:59:37Marc:And now, because I can't, like, a lot of times I want to get black comics on the show, and they, I don't even know how to get a hold of them.

00:59:44Marc:There's a whole different... We have phones, motherfucker.

00:59:46Guest:What are you talking about?

00:59:49Guest:Did you just say you don't know how to get a hold of black people?

00:59:53Guest:Where's that monkey at?

00:59:54Guest:Bring that motherfucker back so he can talk to you.

00:59:57Guest:No, I just feel like there's... Did you just say he didn't know?

00:59:59Marc:No, let me explain.

01:00:01Marc:Please explain, goddammit.

01:00:02Marc:I love that every time this happens on my show that I cannot get through a show with a black person without there being something misunderstood.

01:00:10Marc:What I'm talking about, I know you have a phone, Mike.

01:00:13Marc:Yes, it's in a smartphone, too.

01:00:15Marc:Yes, I know Sinbad has a phone.

01:00:17Marc:I know Kevin Hart has a phone.

01:00:19Guest:Thank you.

01:00:19Guest:Yes.

01:00:20Guest:We're on the network.

01:00:23Marc:I know that Cat Williams has a phone or at least has people that have phones for him.

01:00:28Marc:All right.

01:00:28Marc:Now, what I'm saying is that there seems to be a whole different comedy scene that I don't know anything about.

01:00:36Marc:That's what I'm saying.

01:00:37Marc:It's true.

01:00:37Marc:And that there seems to be a whole world that it seems separate even though it shouldn't be separate.

01:00:43Guest:I'm glad you said that because I used to tell a lot of white comics that were very funny.

01:00:49Guest:Don't be apprehensive.

01:00:51Guest:You have a misconception of black people.

01:00:53Guest:Do you think they're going to heckle?

01:00:55Guest:Funny is funny.

01:00:56Guest:It doesn't make a difference what color you are or where you're from.

01:00:59Guest:If you're funny, they're going to laugh.

01:01:01Guest:They would be scared and then they would come through the rooms and then they'd be like, yo, that shit was great.

01:01:05Guest:And I'm like, yeah.

01:01:06Guest:And then the same thing on the flip side.

01:01:08Guest:You know what I'm saying?

01:01:09Guest:The black comics had a misconception about they call it white rooms.

01:01:12Guest:I'm like, it's not white.

01:01:13Guest:It's mainstream.

01:01:14Guest:It's like everybody coming together.

01:01:16Guest:You know what I'm saying?

01:01:16Guest:So I guess if everybody gets past those fears and just focus on the funny, then you don't have to worry about that stuff.

01:01:22Marc:Yeah.

01:01:29Marc:But also, that being said, a lot of times when a white comic goes to a black room, and I've had that experience before.

01:01:36Marc:They pander.

01:01:38Marc:There's that, but I don't know how to do that for anybody, really.

01:01:41Marc:And it's awkward when I try.

01:01:43Marc:But there is a sense that you, like my feeling was when I played Black Rooms, is that if you show any insecurity whatsoever or doubt that I'm finished.

01:01:52Guest:Oh yeah, black people like sharks.

01:01:53Guest:You know what I'm saying?

01:01:55Guest:If we taste that blood in the water, we will chomp your fucking leg off.

01:02:01Marc:You just have to show no fear.

01:02:02Marc:Well, that's a whole other thing now.

01:02:04Marc:There's like we're all together and working at different places.

01:02:08Marc:Now I can't be afraid?

01:02:09Guest:No, yeah.

01:02:10Guest:This is the best time for us to get together, especially in the United States.

01:02:15Guest:Because, you know, we all...

01:02:19Guest:Are you going to hate on my French?

01:02:22Marc:Are you going to hate on my French, yo?

01:02:24Marc:No, we were just talking about pandering, so it's an interesting segue.

01:02:29Guest:You fucking don't buy a hot pop.

01:02:35Marc:I thought it was wonderful.

01:02:36Marc:It was a classic example of multilingual pandering.

01:02:42Marc:It's okay, man.

01:02:43Marc:You got to do what you got to do, right?

01:02:44Marc:You got to do what you got to do, homie, man.

01:02:46Guest:They say win in Rome, right?

01:02:48Guest:Well, win in Montreal.

01:02:51Marc:What's this?

01:02:52Marc:That's my phone.

01:02:52Marc:It's a Blackberry.

01:02:54Guest:What?

01:02:55What?

01:02:56Guest:Can't be a strawberry, motherfucker.

01:02:58Guest:Gotta be a blackberry.

01:03:02Marc:Yeah, and it has a hard time calling black people's phones.

01:03:08Guest:Did you just say that?

01:03:10Guest:It was.

01:03:10Marc:It's a callback.

01:03:12Marc:It's a callback.

01:03:13Guest:I loved it, too.

01:03:13Marc:To the phone thing.

01:03:14Marc:I loved it.

01:03:16Marc:This is great, man.

01:03:17Marc:It is good.

01:03:18Marc:This is what you do?

01:03:20Guest:This is awesome.

01:03:23Guest:No, I mean it.

01:03:24Guest:I'm not pandering.

01:03:25Guest:I really fucking meant that.

01:03:26Marc:That's interesting because that's that tone that I could misunderstand is angry because you're so fucking intense.

01:03:32Guest:See?

01:03:32Guest:Why do people infuse anger?

01:03:34Guest:Why don't we replace anger with passionate?

01:03:38Marc:I'm all for that.

01:03:39Marc:I wish I could use that explanation to my girlfriend on many different levels.

01:03:44Marc:I'm not yelling because I'm mad.

01:03:47Marc:I'm yelling because I fucking love you.

01:03:50Marc:Right.

01:03:50Marc:There you go.

01:03:55Marc:Now look, you're crying.

01:03:57Marc:See?

01:03:57Marc:See how much I fucking love you.

01:03:59Marc:So you, but you do travel a lot, right?

01:04:04Guest:Yeah, I travel a lot.

01:04:05Marc:I mean, have you been, like, not, where's the most weirdest place you've been?

01:04:10Marc:China.

01:04:11Marc:You performed in China?

01:04:12Marc:Yes.

01:04:12Marc:For Chinese people?

01:04:13Marc:Yes, for Chinese people.

01:04:16Marc:No, you guys misunderstand.

01:04:17Marc:Yeah.

01:04:19Marc:I had been to China, but I did not perform for Chinese people.

01:04:22Marc:I performed for frightened expatriates who were there doing other business.

01:04:27Marc:I wanted to perform for Chinese people because I feel like they don't like me in a general sense.

01:04:31Marc:I've discussed this on the show before.

01:04:33Marc:This is not a mystery.

01:04:34Marc:I have made an amends with some of the Asian audience members I have that do like me, but I still would find it difficult to perform for Chinese people.

01:04:42Guest:Well, the Chinese people there, they were English-educated.

01:04:45Guest:They were educated in the United States, so they knew English.

01:04:48Guest:They understand perfectly.

01:04:49Marc:So what was the situation?

01:04:51Guest:Oh, it was some guys that used to live in the United States and then their company moved to China.

01:04:56Guest:Yeah.

01:04:56Guest:And then they were out there and like, well, we don't have nothing for us and stuff.

01:05:00Guest:So they just got together and decided to bring comics from the United States into China, you know, to entertain.

01:05:05Guest:And the crowd was all people that spoke English.

01:05:08Guest:And it wasn't even mostly Chinese, which was amazing.

01:05:10Guest:It was Australians, people from all over.

01:05:12Marc:Okay.

01:05:12Marc:So this is exactly what I experienced.

01:05:14Marc:See, like.

01:05:14Marc:At the beginning, I pictured you doing a show for Chinese people who could not understand you, and now we're in a room full of Australians and English-speaking people.

01:05:25Marc:It was fun, though, man.

01:05:29Marc:Did you walk around?

01:05:30Guest:It was fun, though, because it was interesting to watch Chinese people try to follow my material instead of following me around their store when I come in there.

01:05:37Guest:LAUGHTER

01:05:38Guest:It was different.

01:05:40Guest:Oh, God.

01:05:41Guest:Does that really happen?

01:05:42Guest:A lot, man.

01:05:43Guest:You think black people be talking about this shit like we just stereotypical?

01:05:47Guest:It happens all the time.

01:05:48Guest:As a matter of fact, you know, it was great when I went to China, like, you know, you land, you do it all the time.

01:05:53Guest:You go land in the airport and people come to pick you up.

01:05:55Guest:They don't know, you know, they don't, they looking for you.

01:05:58Guest:You know what I'm saying?

01:05:58Guest:But there's not too many black people in China.

01:06:01Guest:Right.

01:06:01Guest:So when I landed in the airport, they was like, there he is right there.

01:06:05Guest:Pick him up.

01:06:06Guest:He's the one.

01:06:08Guest:I told the dude, he said, I said, you probably saw me landing like he's in 13... 13C is his seat.

01:06:16Guest:Just landed.

01:06:19Marc:What town were you in?

01:06:22Guest:Oh, I don't remember.

01:06:25Marc:In and out.

01:06:25Marc:I was in China, motherfucker.

01:06:27Marc:I gotta be specific.

01:06:28Marc:Did you go to Beijing?

01:06:29Guest:Yeah, I was in Beijing.

01:06:30Marc:Did I just say it like that?

01:06:31Marc:I'm sorry.

01:06:32Guest:No, you said it nice.

01:06:33Marc:Okay.

01:06:33Marc:Beijing.

01:06:34Marc:You said it with respect.

01:06:35Marc:It's fucking insane there, isn't it?

01:06:37Guest:Yeah, it's great.

01:06:38Marc:I mean, did you notice that you, like, I have never seen more different types of bicycles in my life.

01:06:42Marc:There were two wheel things that were, like, they had literally houses on bicycles.

01:06:45Marc:And there were guys getting shaves on the street.

01:06:47Marc:Did you notice this, or am I making this up?

01:06:49Marc:You're making it up.

01:06:50Oh.

01:06:51Marc:No, I didn't see that, though.

01:06:53Marc:No, it was crazy, and the air was shitty.

01:06:55Guest:Did you go to... Yeah, it is.

01:06:57Guest:It's very muggy there.

01:06:58Marc:It's very muggy there.

01:06:59Marc:It's horrendous, and you can't breathe, and then I went to Tiananmen Square.

01:07:03Marc:Did you go there?

01:07:03Guest:No, I didn't go there.

01:07:04Marc:Did you do anything?

01:07:05Guest:I did shows.

01:07:06Marc:Okay.

01:07:07Marc:Did you go to Great Wall of China?

01:07:08Marc:No, I didn't do that.

01:07:13Marc:Did you go to Forbidden City?

01:07:15Guest:Come on, don't keep mentioning shit that I didn't do.

01:07:18Guest:I went to China, and I did some shows, man.

01:07:20Guest:That's it.

01:07:22Guest:Fucking making me feel like a piece of shit, like you didn't go see anything?

01:07:27Guest:Well, you didn't go see anything.

01:07:29Guest:No, I didn't.

01:07:32Guest:I sure didn't, yeah.

01:07:34Guest:I didn't have the time.

01:07:34Guest:It was a short trip.

01:07:35Guest:Sure.

01:07:37Guest:A short trip to China.

01:07:38Marc:22 hours in the air.

01:07:40Marc:I know, in the fucking plane, right?

01:07:42Guest:In the air.

01:07:42Guest:I know.

01:07:43Marc:22 hours in the air.

01:07:44Guest:That's a long time.

01:07:45Marc:It's fucking crazy, man.

01:07:46Marc:All right, so where are you going next?

01:07:48Marc:Home to Brooklyn.

01:07:49Marc:You still live in Brooklyn?

01:07:50Guest:Yes, I do.

01:07:51Guest:Home to Brooklyn.

01:07:57Guest:Can we get a monkey up here or something?

01:08:00Guest:This is great, man.

01:08:01Guest:I appreciate you having me here, man.

01:08:03Guest:It's good to see you.

01:08:04Guest:You are the numero uno comic on podcasts.

01:08:10That's awesome.

01:08:10Guest:Thank you.

01:08:10Guest:Thank you so much.

01:08:11Guest:And I didn't even know.

01:08:11Guest:I'm not bullshitting, Mark.

01:08:13Guest:They was like, Mark, once you do his show, he's got the number one podcast.

01:08:17Guest:I wasn't surprised, but I was like, really?

01:08:18Guest:I didn't even fucking heard of your shit.

01:08:20Guest:Yeah, I know.

01:08:21Guest:Why didn't you know you don't listen to the podcast?

01:08:23Guest:You don't listen to any podcast?

01:08:25Guest:No, I really don't.

01:08:26Guest:Okay.

01:08:27Guest:I have enough of my own opinions.

01:08:28Guest:I'm not really trying to hear other people's shit.

01:08:32Guest:It's too much, man.

01:08:33Guest:It's like overload, man.

01:08:35Guest:I got a small memory chip.

01:08:38Guest:But a big dick.

01:08:39Guest:Are you married?

01:08:41Guest:Yes, I am.

01:08:42Guest:How long have you been married?

01:08:43Guest:Ten years, two weeks ago.

01:08:44Marc:Oh, graduations.

01:08:46Guest:Thank you, sir.

01:08:49Thank you.

01:08:49Marc:And do you talk about your wife on stage?

01:08:52Guest:Yes, and she hates it.

01:08:53Marc:Do you have that problem?

01:08:55Guest:You have that problem too?

01:08:56Guest:Yeah, she hates it.

01:08:59Marc:I've been through two wives, and you're going to have that conversation where you really have to decide between your material and them.

01:09:09Guest:No, I'll go with the material.

01:09:13Guest:My wife, she'd be like, stop talking to me.

01:09:15Guest:I'm like, well, stop doing the shit you do.

01:09:21Guest:You know what I'm saying?

01:09:22Guest:Don't be you and I won't say shit.

01:09:25Guest:Does that work?

01:09:27Guest:No.

01:09:27Guest:You know, she don't go fuck around.

01:09:29Guest:She hates when I point her out and stuff.

01:09:31Guest:But I'm like, I got to speak from what I'm dealing with and what I know.

01:09:34Guest:And if you're part of that, then hold on, boo.

01:09:37Marc:Yeah.

01:09:38Marc:Have you ever had that moment where you had to make the call where it's like, I really can't do that one.

01:09:43Marc:Nah.

01:09:43Guest:Nah, I usually just go for it.

01:09:45Guest:And just deal with it in the car.

01:09:47Yeah.

01:09:49Guest:That's what we deal with all our shit.

01:09:51Guest:People in relationships know in the car.

01:09:52Guest:They don't want to say shit on the street.

01:09:55Guest:They're like, hey, how you doing?

01:09:56Guest:Hi.

01:09:57Guest:As soon as you close the door, who the fuck you talking about?

01:10:02Marc:Mike Britt, ladies and gentlemen.

01:10:06Marc:Let's move it down.

01:10:07Marc:That was great.

01:10:09Marc:Move it down.

01:10:09Marc:One more.

01:10:14Marc:All right, so now I get a chance to answer all my questions about Canada and about French and about that.

01:10:21Marc:Here's another local legend.

01:10:24Marc:Please welcome Mike Ward to the stage.

01:10:32Guest:Hey, buddy.

01:10:35Guest:Not too bad.

01:10:36Guest:Not too bad.

01:10:36Marc:Mike Ward.

01:10:38Thank you.

01:10:40Marc:Are you pretty well known here?

01:10:42Guest:French people know who I am, yeah.

01:10:44Marc:The French people know who you are.

01:10:45Marc:Because I got like two or three emails of people saying, you've got to interview Mike Ward.

01:10:50Marc:So I was like, all right, fuck it.

01:10:51Marc:I'll interview Mike Ward.

01:10:53Marc:But now I do have a question, though, because you do pretty, your English stuff is pretty cutting.

01:10:57Marc:It's pretty great.

01:10:58Marc:It's pretty dirty.

01:10:59Marc:Now, when you translate from French, I mean, is it the same?

01:11:02Guest:It's the same, same exact shit.

01:11:03Guest:Really?

01:11:04Marc:Same jokes, yeah.

01:11:05Same jokes.

01:11:05Marc:Can you just, like, will you do me, will you indulge me?

01:11:08Marc:Okay.

01:11:08Marc:And do, like, give me a one-liner in English.

01:11:10Guest:Okay.

01:11:11Guest:One of my jokes I do is, my wife can't have any kids.

01:11:14Guest:She went and took a test.

01:11:16Guest:The doctor told her she can't have kids because I keep coming on her face.

01:11:20Guest:And she's not quick enough.

01:11:22Guest:See?

01:11:23Guest:The same joke in French is, ma femme peut pas avoir d'enfant, elle est allée voir le médecin, il a dit, elle a pris des tests, puis il a dit, elle pouvait pas tomber enceinte parce moi, j'arrête pas d'y venir d'en face.

01:11:35Guest:Same joke.

01:11:38Marc:You know, I enjoyed it in French.

01:11:41Marc:So it's the exact same thing.

01:11:43Marc:Same, yeah.

01:11:44Marc:I think that I just realized why I get uncomfortable with the French.

01:11:49Marc:It's because I can't, I want to be able to fucking speak it.

01:11:53Marc:Did you bring up, were you brought up with both languages?

01:11:56Guest:My dad's English, my mom's French.

01:11:58Guest:And when I was little, they both pretended they couldn't speak the other language.

01:12:03Guest:Because I grew up in Quebec City, which is, until I was five years old, I thought my dad had invented a language because no one spoke English.

01:12:15Guest:And we didn't have cable in Quebec.

01:12:16Guest:It was all French channels.

01:12:18Guest:So I was like, why are you fucking making up these words?

01:12:21Guest:Why can't we speak like the neighbors?

01:12:23Guest:But I was happy because when I was 18, I could go either way.

01:12:28Marc:Mike Britt is holding up his hand, implying that the audience should not laugh at the fact that there was a double entendre.

01:12:42Guest:He thinks all French people are gay.

01:12:44Guest:That's why he did that.

01:12:46Guest:You can use the mic still, Mike.

01:12:49Marc:No!

01:12:55Marc:For my understanding and my ignorance and perhaps my slight xenophobia or judgmental-ness, I know there's half of the festival that's in French.

01:13:07Marc:I always thought that it involved a lot of fart noises.

01:13:14Marc:Silly faces.

01:13:16Marc:And like, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:13:20Guest:And... That's the... Like, every time I go outside of Quebec... And I used to... They'd bring me on stage.

01:13:29Guest:I wouldn't tell them I was French.

01:13:30Guest:But then I'd do it.

01:13:31Guest:And every time they'd go, this next guy's French, people in the audience, they always go like, oh, fuck.

01:13:37Guest:Because they think I'm going to make saxophone noises and I'm going to fucking...

01:13:41Guest:like really broad movements like it's because there's like that that's there's there's am i mischaracterizing it it's because it is

01:13:57Guest:No, but I mean, am I wrong?

01:13:59Guest:No, but it's because there's French and there's Quebecois, and there's a difference.

01:14:03Guest:Yeah, what is that?

01:14:05Guest:Quebecois is French-Canadian, and we're real comics, but you go to France, and they're just fucking horrible.

01:14:13Guest:Seriously, I did some shows in France, and I used to make fun of them when they'd come to Quebec.

01:14:21Guest:But I thought, it's because we don't get it, but in their country it must go better.

01:14:26Guest:And then I went there and I was like, these fucking people suck.

01:14:30Guest:It's not set up punchline, it's set up funny face.

01:14:33Guest:And then set up weird, awkward fucking moment.

01:14:37Guest:And in part noise, right?

01:14:40Guest:That's why Jerry Lewis is so big there.

01:14:42Guest:It's like they're 50 years behind the rest of the world.

01:14:46Guest:But they've been there for hundreds of years.

01:14:48Guest:It's weird, though, and they don't know that they suck.

01:14:51Guest:Like, I did... I did... The first time I was there, I was doing this talk show, and the guy is, like, he's fucking arrogant and, like, really French, you know?

01:15:02Guest:And he's...

01:15:03Guest:And he asked me, he goes, what do you think of French performers?

01:15:09Guest:What do you think about French comics?

01:15:11Guest:And it was all French comics.

01:15:12Guest:And he thought I was going to say, oh, they're wonderful.

01:15:14Guest:And I was like, these guys are like 40 years behind everyone.

01:15:18Guest:And then I just started insulting them.

01:15:20Guest:And then my publicist in France was going, he's just kidding.

01:15:24Guest:He's kidding.

01:15:26Guest:She was like, he must be stoned or something with me.

01:15:30Guest:Now, how are you received by the French?

01:15:33Guest:French like me because their comics are so bad.

01:15:38Guest:Like, when I go there, they don't really understand the Quebecois accent.

01:15:42Guest:But since I have punchlines, they're like freaking out.

01:15:45Guest:They're like, holy fuck.

01:15:46Guest:This guy is...

01:15:49Marc:For real, like... You're like a miracle.

01:15:51Guest:You're like, oh, my God, it's clever, and there was no fart noise.

01:15:54Guest:And they always have, like, the fourth wall, like, in theater.

01:15:57Guest:Yeah, fuck that.

01:15:58Guest:I did this gala last year in Paris, and I get on stage, and I'm talking to a guy, and I was, like, talking to him, and he was just looking at me, and I was asking him questions, and I had to describe what the guy was wearing before he understood, oh, fuck, this guy's talking to me.

01:16:12Guest:And then when they were, like, freaking out, they were coming up to me after going, oh, my God.

01:16:16Guest:you talk to people that's amazing like I was for them I was like Lenny Bruce I was fucking inventing comedy I was I was oh my god so like literally you came and did you did shows in France in French and they thought you came from the future yeah

01:16:33Guest:Exactly.

01:16:34Guest:Seriously, the French comics in France are so bad, I could teach you 11 words in French, and you would be the biggest fucking star over there.

01:16:44Guest:Okay.

01:16:45Guest:What are they?

01:16:46Guest:Just... I don't know.

01:16:49Guest:Like, three of them will be about fart noises.

01:16:53Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:16:59Guest:Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

01:17:01Marc:Merci.

01:17:08Marc:Oh, that was sort of a Mexican-French.

01:17:10Guest:But Quebecois performers are, like, there's real stand-up here.

01:17:13Marc:Okay, what's the difference?

01:17:14Marc:Because I know there's a difference.

01:17:16Marc:Like, do Quebecois, do French people from France...

01:17:21Marc:what do they think of Canadian French people?

01:17:25Guest:Most of them are kind of... Either they think they're... I don't know what they think.

01:17:30Marc:But do they think they're like renegades or less than?

01:17:32Guest:No, I think they're kind of impressed by what we do because we sort of do what you guys do or what the Brits do, whereas they just fucking... For them, Charlie Chaplin is kind of cutting edge.

01:17:45LAUGHTER

01:17:45Marc:That's unbelievable.

01:17:46Marc:So what made you decide to stop doing French shows?

01:17:49Marc:No, I'm still doing French shows.

01:17:51Marc:I mostly work in French.

01:17:52Marc:Oh, have you toured the States at all with the English?

01:17:55Guest:Not that much.

01:17:56Guest:I was in L.A., and that's it.

01:17:58Marc:And how'd that go?

01:17:59Guest:It went well.

01:17:59Guest:It went really well, but it was weird because there were a lot of French people.

01:18:03Guest:And I was doing two shows in one night, and one of them was French, the other one was English.

01:18:08Guest:And it was the same crowd for both shows.

01:18:10Guest:Yeah.

01:18:10Guest:You got no turnover at all?

01:18:14Guest:The first show was in English, and I did all my best stuff for like an hour.

01:18:19Guest:And then I had to do French, and I was like, fuck, I just did my best hour.

01:18:23Guest:So I'm going to be doing a show in the language I always perform in, and I'm just going to suck.

01:18:29Guest:And I was asking people questions like, hey, where are you from?

01:18:32Guest:So it was horrible.

01:18:35Guest:But the first show, the English show was really good, but the French show was horrible.

01:18:39Marc:But my question is, I know that Eddie Izzard did a bunch of shows in French.

01:18:46Marc:Yeah.

01:18:47Guest:But why?

01:18:47Guest:I don't know.

01:18:50Guest:I don't know.

01:18:52Marc:But you, I appreciate because you grew up in this household where both languages are spoken and you perform in French and it seems to be authentic.

01:19:02Marc:There's part of me that thinks, like, he's showing off.

01:19:05Yeah.

01:19:05Guest:But no, he's one of the big reasons I started doing it in English.

01:19:09Guest:Because I saw him in an interview saying that he spoke a little French, but he really sort of tried to learn.

01:19:17Guest:He moved to France for a while, and now he's learning German.

01:19:21Guest:And I was like, fuck, I'm too lazy to take the word vagin and change it into vagina.

01:19:27Guest:Like, it's...

01:19:28Guest:Like, I was like, fuck, I'm too lazy to translate my jokes.

01:19:32Marc:So you're saying that occasionally when you're doing English, you'll say vagin?

01:19:37Guest:Yeah.

01:19:37Guest:No, in French.

01:19:38Marc:In French?

01:19:39Marc:Yeah.

01:19:39Marc:Oh, so what do you mean translate it to what?

01:19:42Guest:To vagina.

01:19:44Guest:Vagin is vagina.

01:19:46Marc:No, I get that.

01:19:48Marc:They both sound so good.

01:19:49Guest:They both sound good?

01:19:50Guest:They both sound fantastic.

01:19:52Yeah.

01:19:53Guest:I would take a vagine or vagina, whatever's on the menu.

01:20:00Marc:Now, do you have plans to try to go to the States and tour in English?

01:20:04Guest:Yeah, I like doing shows in English, but I like living here.

01:20:07Guest:So I'm going to try to do more shows in English, but I like coming back home.

01:20:12Guest:And have the French responded to your attacks on them?

01:20:16Guest:French people actually like me.

01:20:18Guest:I met a couple of comics from France because the new generation is better and they're really ashamed of the old-timers because the old generation, they steal jokes and they're just fucking... They do?

01:20:32Guest:Yeah.

01:20:32Guest:I saw this guy...

01:20:34Guest:I was in France right before the gala I did over there.

01:20:38Guest:I went to a little club and I saw a guy doing shit that I had done on Quebec TV like 10 years ago.

01:20:46Guest:And I was like, what the fuck?

01:20:47Guest:Why are you doing that?

01:20:48Guest:And he was like, oh, it's just, it's an homage.

01:20:50Guest:It's an homage.

01:20:52Guest:And I was like, fuck, no one knows me in France.

01:20:55Guest:Why are you, like for them, they just steal jokes and they're fucking horrible.

01:21:02It's interesting.

01:21:02Guest:Synonym for steal I've ever heard in my life.

01:21:05Marc:No, it's an homage.

01:21:08Marc:It's a salute.

01:21:09Marc:An homage to an unknown comic who I happened to see one night.

01:21:14Marc:Does he call his act the homage to the unknown comic?

01:21:17Guest:And you were the guy.

01:21:19Marc:And did you fucking hand him his ass?

01:21:21Guest:I started talking to him and I was trying to convince him to stop doing it.

01:21:25Guest:Then I was like, fuck it, he's just going to keep doing it.

01:21:28Guest:So I left and I've been talking shit about the country ever since.

01:21:32So...

01:21:32Guest:Mike Ward, ladies and gentlemen.

01:21:34Guest:Mike Britt, Jeremy Hotz, Victor Bernardo, Nina Conti.

01:21:40Guest:Thank you for coming to LiveWTF in Montreal to Just For Laughs Comedy Festival.

01:22:10you