Episode 204 - Doug Stanhope
Guest:Lock the gates!
Marc:Are we doing this?
Marc:Really?
Marc:Wait for it.
Marc:Are we doing this?
Marc:Wait for it.
Marc:Pow!
Marc:What the fuck?
Marc:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Marc:What's wrong with me?
Marc:It's time for WTF!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:With Marc Maron.
Marc:Alright, let's do this.
Marc:And I certainly appreciate it.
Marc:Very thoughtful gifts.
Marc:I get books.
Marc:I get poems.
Marc:I get pictures.
Marc:I get things like this.
Marc:Today, yesterday I went to the P.O.
Marc:Box and Susan knitted me or crocheted or did something with her hands to create these two catnip goldfish for the cats.
Marc:And they love them.
Marc:I love getting my cats high in that way.
Marc:It's a it's a legitimate or a I don't know what I'm not blowing pot smoke into their face.
Marc:I'm giving them cat drugs and they enjoy it.
Marc:Thank you, Susan.
Marc:Also, I'd like to thank Lawrence over at Omni Media, who sent me a signed expensive winos double vinyl by Keith Richards and a Keith Richards T-shirt.
Marc:Thank you so much for that.
Marc:I will definitely wear that T-shirt at the gym and the signed vinyl.
Marc:That's amazing.
Marc:How many people do you know who could thank people for some catnip goldfish toys for their cats and the Keith Richards vinyl signed?
Marc:Those are the two sides of me.
Marc:Again, I read your emails.
Marc:I enjoy the gifts.
Marc:If I were to sit here, I would take up an entire show to thank you all for the love that comes in the form of emails and gifts, and I really appreciate it.
Marc:Today on the show, I'm going to talk to Doug Stanhope.
Marc:Unfortunately, as we all know, he did a wonderful job on Louie's show.
Marc:I got this interview in the can before he did that.
Marc:So we won't be talking about that.
Marc:I don't want you to be sitting there thinking, what the fuck, Maren?
Marc:Why don't you bring up Louie?
Marc:Are you that jealous?
Marc:Sometimes they get a little backlogged and this is the way it goes.
Marc:But we had a nice conversation.
Marc:He came over here with a whole crew of people.
Marc:There were three or four people in the studio when we did the interview.
Marc:So enjoy that.
Marc:And also a little business around my dates.
Marc:I'd like to tell you that tonight is Thursday.
Marc:If you're listening to this on the day it came out, that would be Thursday, the 25th.
Marc:I will be at Hilarity's in Cleveland, Ohio, Thursday through Sunday.
Marc:Let's go a little further into the future, into September.
Marc:September 8th, 9th, and 10th at Zaney's in Nashville.
Marc:And September 22nd, 23rd, 24th, and 25th, I believe I'm doing that Sunday, at the Improv in Louisville.
Marc:There is a live WTF on the 19th in New York City that is sold out.
Marc:I apologize.
Marc:We're doing one show sold out very quickly.
Marc:Now, on to whatever's going on here right now.
Marc:I'm in pain for no fucking reason.
Marc:I guess that's something that happens with age.
Marc:Is that something I just have to accept?
Marc:Pain for no reason?
Marc:I know I talked about my heel.
Marc:I'm not going to sit here and complain.
Marc:I'm going to try and broaden this.
Marc:reality into something i can live with but i hurt my back and i'm ashamed to say how i hurt my back i believe i hurt my back kicking up the toilet seat backstage in vegas and somehow or another i managed to hurt my back that shouldn't happen it's just one of those little weird things that you can happen when you get out of bed in the morning or when you sit up in a chair where you're like what just happened why can't i walk
Marc:And then people are like, what's the matter?
Marc:I hurt myself getting up.
Marc:I hurt myself lifting a toilet seat.
Marc:I mean, I'm not that fucking old, but certain things seem to go.
Marc:And this thing in my Achilles tendon seems a little better.
Marc:But how do I deal with that?
Marc:You know, I'd still like to run four miles.
Marc:you know, twice a week like I used to.
Marc:Now I just got to suck it up and realize that, nope, dude, those days are over.
Marc:Or do I just continue to hurt myself?
Marc:Knowing me, I will continue to hurt myself.
Marc:Judging by the fact that last night, because I'm overly influenced by the show Chopped, somehow or another, there's a fine line between, you know, challenging yourself as a cook and just realizing you have nothing in your fucking refrigerator.
Marc:I made a small pita pizza with sliced fresh figs, roasted jalapenos.
Marc:I put some mushrooms on there, some Jarlsberg cheese.
Marc:I tweeted that, of course, because I need everybody to know exactly what I'm doing in moments where I'm doing something like that, where it would look good in 140 characters.
Marc:My sandwich, the influence of Chopped.
Marc:Someone suggested put some honey on there.
Marc:All that stuff worked out fine, but it was all I had in the refrigerator.
Marc:It was no great creative feat, but it tasted good.
Marc:But again, with the jalapenos, all right, this stuff has been hurting my stomach since I was ever, forever, yet I still eat it.
Marc:You know, I'm still going to go running.
Marc:I'm going to fight the good fight.
Marc:I'm going to be a broken down old man with stomach problems so I can continue to run my four miles and eat my hot foods.
Marc:I'm going to be one of those guys.
Marc:One of those guys where people are like, maybe you should stop doing that.
Marc:No, fuck you.
Marc:I got to live for something.
Marc:My life has to have some meaning.
Marc:And if I can't shove what I want to shove into my face and walk and run where I want to run, what the hell is the point of living?
Marc:Is there ever going to be a day where I just am comfortable with sitting down and saying, hey, you know, I did all right.
Marc:I did the best I could.
Marc:I'm still having conversations and talking to people.
Marc:I'm still lucid.
Marc:Isn't that enough?
Marc:Give me some ice cream.
Marc:Why can't I have that?
Marc:Oh, the other thing I was thinking about.
Marc:Well, outside of the fact that, you know, things are pretty intimate here at the house with me and Jess, but I woke up screaming last night.
Marc:One thing I realized about that, that no matter what's going on in your dream... Last night, I was being abducted for some reason.
Marc:And I remember only that.
Marc:I remember that moment where you're like, hey, what do you guys... Wait!
Marc:And then no matter what's going on in a dream, if you're in some sort of terror or panic, before you wake up, you make a sound along the lines of...
Marc:that's that's what you wake up to to your your your mouth making uh frightened child sounds but i also realize that that'll happen no matter what the situation i mean if there's excitement going on in your dream even if you're frightened for heroic reasons i mean i could have been the general of a large army saving the world from evil
Marc:Yeah, just like at the front lines saying, come on.
Marc:But because there was fear in my heart, even though I knew I was doing the right thing in this glorious battle between good and evil, the sound I would be making in my sleep would be.
Marc:Oh, God, what happened?
Marc:Hey, you know, being shaken awake by my girlfriend in the middle of a goal, you know, a battle to save mankind.
Marc:because she heard the sound man that is a sad example of the difference between a life of the mind and the life in reality and the unconscious mind at that just whimpering like a child while saving humanity or being abducted well it doesn't matter it's still the same sound it's a little embarrassing
Marc:You've got enough water on the brain that you need to have an operating memory.
Marc:These are your hard drives.
Marc:You've got human hard drives.
Guest:You're a sober guy, but you're at my age.
Marc:No, no, it goes.
Marc:It goes.
Guest:Yeah, I used to blame it all on the alcohol.
Marc:Yeah, no, no, no.
Guest:I used to blame it all on the alcohol, and then I'd talk to my friends that are my age that don't get drunk every fucking night.
Marc:It's ridiculous, and you sit there like a fucking moron going, that guy with the thing.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, the guy from the, what is it?
Guest:It's amazing how much of a puzzle you can... But it's weird how you immediately assume it's your own problem.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, this is... I'm really hurting myself.
Guest:The alcohol is really affecting me.
Guest:Wait, my other friends that don't drink don't remember a fucking thing.
Marc:That's right, dude.
Marc:There's a built-in rationalization for any type of behavior.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Well, no, it's nice to think because, again, you always think you're dying and shit's going horribly wrong.
Marc:Definitely.
Guest:We're good, right?
Guest:You and I?
Marc:In terms of our personal relationship?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:As far as I know.
Guest:I've never heard an episode of you where you're not having closure on some beef.
Marc:No, I mean, oddly enough, like my thought when you're coming over here is like, oh, you know, he's in town.
Marc:He wants to do it.
Marc:He's coming over.
Marc:We haven't talked since the last one.
Marc:And we don't talk to each other a lot.
Marc:We respect each other.
Marc:And, you know, I know you're out there.
Marc:You know I'm out here.
Marc:I don't know if you listen to the show.
Marc:But all of a sudden yesterday, I started thinking like, fuck, man, does Stanhope have a thing with me?
Marc:Like, you know, because I know these things are out there.
Marc:And I'm wondering if you were listening to an episode going, that's it.
Marc:Fucking Marin's going down for that one.
Guest:No, no, but I'm really bad technology-wise.
Guest:I still have a $15 phone that has no camera.
Guest:I do text.
Guest:But Chad Ryden and Carlos Valencia, two guys I worked on the road with that have iPods and had all the what-the-fucks when I was driving between gigs, and I was so happy.
Guest:I have Stern, like a serious radio.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I hope I haven't heard the Stern episode that's playing, but they had all the what the fucks.
Guest:It was great.
Marc:That's a lot of me.
Guest:But it was fantastic.
Guest:I've got to figure out how to get the iPod in the car and download the podcast.
Marc:You know how you do that?
Marc:It's with a cord, Doug.
Marc:Yeah, there's a cord that just goes right out of the iPod.
Guest:I'm already confused.
Marc:it's a cord yeah it's got two plugs on either let me i don't want to fucking complicate things more doug stanhope is in the garage here at the car and she rolled up with a caravan of sorts i don't i've never that's never happened like i was concerned that carlos muncia would show up with some henchmen but he came by himself and uh because i was you know i thought i was going to piss him off but you came up you're like the it's like the merry pranksters is this i mean do you travel with how many people well
Guest:well that brian's my uh i i hate to say manager because that's such a la he's my business partner that's nice and my uh buddy and we we got roadrunner records to pay for a town car oh you did yeah and so there's a guy sitting out in the town car yeah oh that's always yeah but yeah brian's a worker he's uh yeah but even when you get the town car don't you fucking isn't there part of you that thinks like fuck you know the guy's sitting out there should we send him out a thing or
Guest:Well, we tried to.
Marc:He wouldn't drink?
Marc:You tried to give him mimosas?
Guest:Yeah, we tried to make him mimosas.
Guest:We had like an L.A.
Guest:night.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:What happened?
Marc:So you were at the comedy store last night.
Marc:I was going to go down there, but I just didn't want to fucking deal with the parking lot.
Marc:So I listened to the Oslo CD instead.
Marc:What happened at the store last night?
Guest:Just cocaine in the green room of the main room.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, it's like you've been up all night.
Guest:We saw the daylight.
Guest:I'm not that guy anymore.
Guest:I'm usually the first to pass.
Guest:Yeah, but yeah, there was there was coke.
Guest:And so you've been going room in the in the comedy store is a place that demands.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Marc:What has been done in there?
Marc:I know.
Marc:You mean behind the main room?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:The one with the mirrors and the bathtub?
Marc:I remember when that was just a white room and it was just shitty.
Marc:And there was still Coke in there.
Marc:So the tiles were built over a pre-existing history of substance abuse.
Marc:Just layers of abuse.
Guest:I said that on stage.
Guest:I go, there's no way we're not doing Coke in here.
Guest:I didn't have Coke.
Guest:I don't have a Coke hookup.
Guest:But I know it's going to arrive.
Guest:And it did.
Guest:And then...
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And everything's a mirror there.
Marc:Every surface in that green room.
Guest:They have a piano.
Guest:It's like a mini piano coffee table covered with mirrors.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So what are you supposed to do?
Marc:Look at yourself?
Marc:Right.
Marc:Oh, that's good.
Marc:So you're tweaky.
Guest:No, I did a line.
Guest:That was enough.
Guest:I just wanted to do it just to say I did it.
Guest:The rest of them.
Marc:The last time I talked to you, fuck, it was like you were talking about how the expectation... It's weird, because I just read this.
Marc:You know what?
Marc:Fuck it.
Marc:Let me... What is it?
Marc:Well, this is the Keith Richards book.
Guest:Oh, I've heard it's great.
Marc:It's fucking great, dude.
Marc:But there was a thing in here where he was talking about the myth.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:It's fucking good.
Marc:Oh, here we go.
Marc:Here we go.
Marc:Look.
Marc:There's something inside of me, this is Keith Richards, that just wants to excite the thing in other people because I know it's in there, I know it's there in everybody.
Marc:There's a demon in me and there's a demon in everybody else.
Marc:They imagined me, they made me.
Marc:The folks out there created this folk hero.
Marc:Bless their hearts and I'll do the best I can to fulfill their needs.
Marc:They're wishing me to do things that they can't.
Marc:They've got to do this job, they've got this life, they're an insurance salesman, but at the same time, inside of them is a raging Keith Richards.
Marc:When you talk of a folk hero, they've written the script for you and you better fulfill it.
Marc:And I did my best.
Marc:It's no exaggeration that I was basically lying.
Marc:I was basically living like an outlaw and I got into it.
Marc:I knew that I was on everybody's list.
Marc:All I had to do was recant and I'd be all right.
Marc:But that was something I just couldn't do.
Guest:Do you ever read books on tape?
Guest:You're good at this.
Marc:I would hope by now I know how to talk on a microphone, but that seems to me to be a bit of the Stanhope thing.
Guest:Well, yeah, and that's one of the reasons I did one line and then let everyone else do coke, because they...
Guest:want it i wanted to do it just because i'm in the green room of the comedy story i wanted to do just some coke so you were just there as a tourist is like this needs to be done here but i don't want to fucking go overboard i don't want to die yeah well yeah i don't i've never had a problem with coke it's one of those things like the people who can smoke two cigarettes a week yeah fuck them seriously i but yeah i i understand that some people oh i've got to do a lot of coke if i'm doing coke well good you go do
Guest:i believe me i think if you could get coke at a 7-eleven you wouldn't you'd be a different guy you'd probably like it you just don't like it no i we i had all the coke available to me last night that was it yeah do you even get into this sort of like what enables me to drink for days on end without sleep or you can do that without well i ended up doing that regardless but it's so it was so funny to see the sun come up i'm like i'm fucking 44 years old i
Marc:I haven't done drugs or drink in 11 years, and when I see the sun come up for any reason, I almost always think my life is destroyed.
Marc:I have that moment where I'm like, fuck, the sun's up.
Marc:I'm an asshole.
Guest:Yeah, I didn't feel bad last night.
Guest:I mean, there was a lot of people.
Guest:They're still at the apartment.
Marc:Whose apartment?
Guest:I still have a rent control place in West Hollywood that I've had since 95.
Guest:Seriously?
Guest:You can't give up rent control.
Guest:No, I know.
Guest:Even if you never see it.
Marc:I had one in Astoria for like 20 years.
Marc:I finally let it go.
Marc:Because there were bed bugs.
Marc:And I didn't tell the guy that eventually took the place that I'd had bed bugs.
Marc:But apparently he listened to the podcast.
Marc:So the cat's out of the bag.
Guest:That's one of the creepiest things that I could imagine.
Guest:What, bed bugs?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You haven't experienced that?
Guest:No.
Guest:That's something you better do.
Guest:Or crabs or anything like that.
Guest:You never had crabs either?
Guest:No, I'd rather have AIDS than crabs.
Guest:The idea of bugs that you can't quite find.
Marc:But you know they're going to go away.
Marc:You know, with AIDS, it's sort of a life.
Marc:It's a long commitment, the AIDS.
Guest:But I don't think you, like, scratch and go, oh, AIDS are crawling all over me.
Marc:No, no, you can't breathe.
Marc:Your lungs fill with fluid.
Guest:You're covered with purple spots.
Marc:I think that if there was a trade-off, I'd go with the crabs.
Marc:I think I had crabs when I was in college.
Guest:In theory.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The idea of AIDS doesn't make me scratch.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Psychosomatically.
Marc:I'm surprised you got out of this life without crabs, given that you seem like a guy that might have invited them at some point.
Guest:Herpes.
Guest:You did?
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:Good for you.
Marc:Well, that's a permanent souvenir.
Guest:That conversation came up last night.
Guest:A bunch of comedy store people were back at the apartment, and there was one guy that didn't have herpes, and they were walking him.
Guest:One guy.
Marc:You don't have herpes?
Marc:Did somebody offer to fuck him and give him herpes?
Marc:Who's got an open sore?
Marc:Someone take care of this guy.
Guest:Yeah, it seemed like there were a lot of people offering to fuck anybody.
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:That's what happens with coke.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:No, the chicks and everyone's like, nah, we're going to bed.
Guest:Really?
Guest:It was kind of a weird night like that.
Marc:I saw you in New York, and there was a thing that you talked about that I still can't put together in my head, but I thought it was fucking great.
Marc:And I don't know how often you do it on stage, because I was listening to the Oslo CD, and it sounded like you were going to go into it, but I don't think you did.
Marc:The thing about not wanting to fuck, about the desire to fuck being ridiculous, and then you told this long story about taking care of a friend with cancer.
Guest:Oh, yeah, that's not on the CD?
Guest:That's on the previous CD.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Oh, so that's a set piece?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:But was that a real moment that you had?
Guest:Yeah, Ron Putnam's... I'm sorry, I'm talking to you like you know them, but I'm talking to my friends who did know him.
Guest:Yeah, his wife, she had breast cancer, and I had to be there to take care of her for a minute while he had to go do something.
Marc:For a minute.
Guest:and that's when she fell out of bed right fresh out of the hospital still in a morphine haze yeah fell out of bed and like i didn't think i was gonna have to do anything and i i get really creeped out with medical yeah anything yeah yeah and she had you know like staples holding her chest shut and had to redress them it was pretty fucking gross
Marc:And so you overcame a lot of fears in that moment.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Because you had no choice.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And you decided that was what real intimacy is, if you can rise up to that.
Guest:Yeah, anything.
Guest:I forget the bit, but it was like fucking is the least intimate thing.
Guest:Right, right.
Marc:And then what was the tag on the bit?
Marc:It was something like, you know, it would make this better.
Marc:It was sort of like that fallacy.
Guest:Now we've overcome that whole breast cancer redressing of a fresh mastectomy wound.
Guest:Let's fuck it.
Guest:Yeah, let me hunch over you with a seahorse posture and grunt up and blow fucking gook on your belly.
Guest:Do you really feel that way about sex?
Guest:No, I think it's a need.
Guest:It drove most of my life in my early days.
Marc:Okay, so it's new to you.
Guest:I probably wouldn't be doing comedy if it weren't for a need for pussies.
Guest:yeah because it's a it's a it's a form of plumage that you have yeah where we're not athletic not you know outrageously handsome can't sing karaoke but what can i do to get chicks to look at me yeah i didn't i didn't go to open mic so i could eventually fucking move to la and get the man show i would say yeah to get pussy is to get free drinks are you still friends with rogan
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I never talk to them.
Guest:It's like any of us.
Guest:We never get to hang.
Guest:I know.
Marc:I don't talk to people unless they come in here, usually.
Guest:I really want to start a message board.
Guest:I think Rogan used to talk about it.
Guest:It was the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Guest:I'd like to get a message board that's just like us.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And even guys that would... Professional comics...
Guest:Where you can talk, like, hey, what's the best frequent flyer mile plan that bumps you up?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:Or all that stuff.
Guest:To trade information that we need to know without fans going, you fucking sucked at the last show or whatever.
Marc:How were the shows at the store?
Marc:Are they all right?
Guest:the crowds were great yeah they were packed out and the crowds were great and i was yeah mediocre you were mediocre i mean how do you determine it well yeah you know you get to a place where you i have a lot of new ideas i want to try out and when it's the main room you get 350 people you have to do a kind of uh do the show yeah a theatery kind of show you can't riff yeah when you do everyone's staring at you like i paid how much for this yeah well the parking how long did you do
Guest:Hour and a half.
Marc:Oh, yeah?
Marc:So someone said to me that, who was I talking to, Jezelnik, the other day.
Marc:Did he show up?
Marc:Anthony Jezelnik?
Guest:Oh, I just met him in New York.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I'm a huge fan based on one roast.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:The only thing I ever watch on Comedy Central is South Park and the roasts.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And he was like under the gun on that.
Guest:He had to be the new Geraldo, basically.
Guest:Right, right.
Guest:And they were fucking with him.
Guest:And then when he came out, he just fucking destroyed it.
Guest:Bingo and I were just dying at the time.
Marc:that well he's one of those guys that does uh you know like we were talking and i never really thought about it this way but he'll literally make a list of of topics that he thinks or society thinks is untouchable like he's got this list where it's like you know breast cancer um abortion um uh miscarriage uh rape and that's those that's his outline
Marc:For writing jokes.
Guest:All those topics were covered at the coffee store last, between me and Christine Levine.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, do you think like that is part of your intention to fucking disarm these things that are culturally fucking taboo?
Marc:I know.
Guest:I've done it so long that I've touched on those subjects so many times that you're just trying to fucking reinvent.
Guest:And yeah, now a lot of my topics are fairly benign and pedestrian.
Guest:As you get older.
Guest:Then I try to throw rape into it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How do I spice this up?
Guest:Isn't it like raping a girl?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I know what you mean.
Marc:But like on the CD, you said that there was a time where you were like, I used to have solutions.
Marc:Now I don't fucking give a fuck.
Marc:I just want to kill people.
Guest:Yeah, that just boils down to just fucking, we're not going to change the world, let's just kill that guy.
Marc:Is that true?
Marc:Do you feel like you've gotten cynical?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:No, I literally think about killing people all the time, for nothing.
Guest:Patrick Cox from Taxmasters.
Guest:Get your stupid fucking squash off that TV, you ugly fuck, I will kill you.
Guest:what do you think happened though man i've gone the distance uh what freecreditreport.com yeah like i went that far to find the lead singer of that band and he's an actor from montreal you did yeah uh uh so you tracked that guy down because i found the corporate headquarters of uh what was it freecreditreport.com apply right to your head yeah yeah i'd find and when you found the guy's name
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then when I was doing that Montreal just for spite thing, I go, I could probably hire him to play those stupid.
Marc:You never you never contacted me.
Guest:I did email him on my space.
Guest:And what happened?
Guest:He didn't he didn't return.
Marc:Because like when I watch those commercials, I my first thought is like, how the fuck do you live with yourself?
Marc:Is that a real band?
Marc:And if it is, how do you live with yourself?
Marc:How do you be that guy?
Marc:I used to see the guy with the horn-rimmed glasses that did the Verizon commercials.
Guest:Can you hear me now?
Marc:I used to see him around.
Marc:I'm like, what else are you going to do?
Marc:You're that guy for the rest of your fucking life.
Marc:Are you happy?
Guest:You made a million dollars.
Guest:What was he doing before?
Guest:Selling shoes.
Marc:No, he's probably a fucking actor.
Marc:Just a guy.
Marc:This whole idea of how do you live with yourself with certain things is something I think about.
Marc:It's one of the reasons why I'm in my garage.
Marc:You must think about that.
Marc:You must have made a choice at some point where you're like, what the fuck can I do that I can live with myself?
Guest:But that's the problem is that I know that I'm that guy and that I have that kind of hate within me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So anyone who would like know me from the man show or Girls Gone Wild infomercials, I would be, I would want to kill me.
Guest:Then why'd you do it?
Guest:Because it would seem funny at the time.
Guest:I had no idea.
Guest:Girls Gone Wild was just such a goof thing.
Guest:And we filmed like nine nights.
Guest:And I just thought it would be a goofy thing to do because it was pop culture.
Guest:I did Jerry Springer once where I was pretending to be a guy that was upset my girlfriend because it was funny.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I didn't know that they were going to repeat that commercial every 15 minutes for a year and a half on every basic cable channel where everyone came home drunk and just saw me go, show me where babies feed.
Guest:Like they took one piece of one drunken thing I said sometime at a bar goofing on stupid drunken sorority whores.
Guest:One joke, yeah.
Guest:And then made it into my inadvertent catchphrase, show me my baby's feet.
Marc:So how long did it take you to erase that?
Guest:I think it's pretty much gone.
Guest:Good.
Guest:That's the good thing.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:The bar always stays 22 and we age.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But your audience, so then the people now, they don't remember.
Marc:So when we started or when you started, I think I talked about this.
Marc:I barely remember what we talked about the last time, but I just vaguely remember you in Aspen, Colorado.
Marc:You used to take your pants off a lot.
Marc:You used to get naked on stage a lot.
Marc:There was always pictures of you wearing a Santa hat.
Marc:naked yeah yeah then then as as the years when war on on my body and i'd see pictures and go oh yeah i shouldn't be naked at all not even in the privacy of my own home let's stop doing that you became frightened of your own body yeah but but i guess my the the question is because i think that like we're on similar trajectories at one time and then what when you came out here i don't know when the first time was but when did you realize that show business was fucked
Guest:The Man Show.
Guest:I have no regrets about that because of knowing now how the process works and how we had no ability to make that show better.
Guest:And we really had great ideas.
Guest:And what was stopping you?
Guest:They didn't fit into the Man Show.
Guest:That's not really Man Show.
Guest:So we'd have good ideas that had some social relevance.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And who were you answering to?
Guest:everybody that's the thing it's uh you know we'd pitch it around the writer's room and then tom giannis the head writer would pitch it to the executive producer and he'd send it up to the production company and they'd send it to comedy central and they'd run it past their lawyers and the censors and then you know so you have an idea and it's three days uh um
Guest:humanitarian we were doing trying to do a humanitarian beer drop yeah it's one of the ideas this is like a great example yeah where we thought it's one civil right that homeless people don't have is the right to be naked or fuck yeah you can't do that outside right you can't drink because you're outside right just having a beer at the end of a hard day is something that we enjoy right
Guest:Without thinking.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Homeless people can't do that.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, they do, but they have to hide.
Guest:So the idea was to get like a humanitarian, like UN style hummers and juggies up and flak jackets and helmets and go down to the tent cities in L.A.
Guest:and set up titty dancer tents and free beer and titty dancers because it's something they can't have.
Guest:Uh huh.
Guest:This goes, again, through all those channels to the producer, to the production company.
Guest:Finally get a note days later.
Guest:Lawyer said, can't do that.
Guest:These people are alcoholics.
Guest:You can't give them alcohol.
Marc:Isn't that a judgment call?
Marc:Some of them might not be alcohol.
Guest:Again, lawyers fuck up way more stuff than censors.
Guest:So we go, okay, we'll just give them non-alcoholic beer.
Guest:And it goes through channels days later.
Guest:Non-alcoholic beer still has traces of alcohol.
Guest:You'd be teasing them.
Guest:It could trigger... Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Then we're like, fuck it, we'll just... Yeah, put apple juice in it, whatever.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Just put man show beer on the label.
Guest:It's still a funny idea because... And now... Final note, this is an actual, legitimate...
Guest:What if one of the homeless people has AIDS and bites one of our crew bites?
Guest:That was an actual note from a lawyer.
Guest:And that's where your your jaw drops and everyone in the writers just stares at each other.
Guest:And so did you tell that?
Guest:Fuck it.
Guest:I don't care about this show anymore.
Guest:Now I'm just getting my fucking 18 grand an episode.
Guest:And you do that dumb shit you wrote.
Marc:Did you tell that story on the show?
Marc:No, that would have been the way to go, right?
Guest:No, there's a lot of things I should have done on that show.
Guest:I remember one of the first tapings where the director, who's, I don't know, he's like the Wizard of Oz, he's somewhere, but you hear him, he gets on the mic and says, Doug, can you sit up straight?
Guest:and not slouch and look like you're happy to be here and i go that's what i do i look unhappy to be here and i slouch yeah who did you hire but again i was so happy to be chosen yeah sit up straight and try to put in my game game show host face and yeah yeah
Marc:So after that, you're like, fuck it.
Marc:I don't need this shit.
Guest:After so many episodes like that with good ideas being shot down for one reason or another, I have no control whether this is good or not.
Guest:I can't fix this.
Guest:Yeah, and it's a shitty feeling.
Marc:Yeah, it's like when you read for...
Marc:I don't go out for anything anymore, and this is pretty much all I do is this, what I'm doing right now in stand-up.
Marc:But there's this idea that you spend all this time developing a voice, creating an angle, having a way of thinking.
Marc:You build your fucking clown, and you do it out there on the road like everybody else, and then you go into these studios, and they're like, oh yeah, now you can't do that.
Marc:Now you just have to have these turds come out of your mouth and see how that goes.
Marc:Just don't be embarrassed and try to sell it.
Guest:Dairy Queen emailed us.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Brian for... We very urgently want Doug for a project.
Guest:So Brian calls him up.
Guest:It's a Dairy Queen commercial.
Guest:Really?
Guest:And the guy was really wanted me.
Guest:So we're all... It was just exciting.
Marc:Do you ever think that that shit comes out of spite?
Marc:Like that there are these people that maybe he's a fan.
Marc:He works at the Dairy Queen company.
Marc:He's like, I love this guy.
Marc:I wonder how I can make him a bitch.
Marc:Because like...
Guest:No, because this is what that's what happened is that Brian responded to, you know, well, what is he exactly you want him to do?
Guest:And it's a we're trying to be edgier.
Guest:And, you know, they're like fucking Radio Shack, like completely.
Marc:No, he cares about Dairy Queen anymore.
Guest:I know that's why they wanted to do this edgy.
Guest:Actually, well, now we see what are you going to do?
Marc:Get on the commercial.
Marc:You like pussy?
Guest:How about Dairy Queen?
Guest:Well, that's exactly why.
Guest:So that's why he's following up, just to see what the fuck they're thinking.
Guest:And then they don't respond for like 24 hours.
Guest:He's like, this was urgent.
Guest:And they finally get back that we're going in a different direction.
Guest:Like, why did you even fucking like...
Marc:But could you see yourself on a Dairy Queen?
Marc:I understand these people, maybe they want to help us or maybe they think that it'd be a good idea, but it seems like such a limited understanding of who you are.
Guest:I know, but that's why it was so intriguing to us because we want to find out more.
Guest:And then it's almost like they emailed us so they could blow us off in 48 hours.
Marc:Yeah, I just don't understand that.
Marc:It's almost like when you have the kind of career that you have or the point of view that you have, it's almost like any offer coming outside of your world is going to be to drag you down to their level.
Marc:And they think they're doing you a favor.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I didn't move to Bisbee, Arizona to make it big, but I'm still fucking stunned that you would even think about me for a Dairy Queen commercial.
Guest:I want to know more.
Guest:And then you go, it's like if someone calls you up, hey, we're doing a charity event, and if you would perform, we'll pay you this much money.
Guest:Could you sing?
Guest:And you go, oh, well, okay, when is it?
Guest:And then they go, never mind, you're too dirty.
Guest:What?
Guest:You called me, faggot.
Marc:so now bisbee this now this is the thing that i think that uh i don't think we we really talked about this i can't remember what the fuck we talked about i know we didn't talk for a long time the last time but um is there you're up on a compound last time yeah
Guest:I did this, and I'm so glad I get to do it again, because Janine Garofalo was there.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Who I had just trashed the night before on stage a bit.
Guest:Just about a certain thing.
Guest:But she didn't know that.
Guest:I know, but then I felt like a complete turd for being there, being all nice and starstruck with her.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Guest:It was just like a minor thing.
Guest:This came up on the green room.
Guest:Have you done the prevents this thing?
Guest:I did the one.
Guest:I did it with her, and then I brought it up then because I was drinking.
Marc:You brought up the criticism?
Guest:The criticism.
Guest:Which was what?
Guest:Which she denied ever happened.
Guest:When I was taping my Die Laughing CD.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I was taping at the Laugh Stop in Houston, Mark Babbitt.
Guest:I was taping the whole week, and she had the Friday.
Guest:It was a month after 9-11, and she came in, and I was already on board with it.
Marc:With what, 9-11?
Guest:Yeah, I was already anti-America before that, so it fueled me.
Guest:She came in, and she was kind of pro-Bush.
Guest:Really?
Guest:In a way.
Guest:Not in a way.
Guest:And it wasn't demeaning to her.
Guest:She was, yeah, okay, maybe he's not the best speaker in the world, but cut him a break.
Guest:He's doing the best he can.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:And she goes, I love Howard Zinn, and I love Noah
Guest:Chomsky right and they had caused some ruckus by being naysayers but maybe it's time for you to you know be quiet or something to that effect no kidding and I was fucking like my jaws I was so fucking enraged like I thought she would anyone would be like right doing what I'm doing yeah
Guest:And I brought that up in some way on the show.
Guest:And she's like, I never said that.
Guest:I don't know why Janine, like I love Janine as a person, but she's almost untouchable in that she's very outspoken.
Guest:Right.
Guest:But if you...
Guest:pick on her at all, you're picking on a girl.
Marc:She's so demure.
Marc:She talked about that in this show.
Marc:I had her out here.
Marc:Something had gotten to her so deeply.
Marc:She'll get upset.
Guest:It is definitely... It's not even her, but the people around her, you would look like such a dick for even saying anything bad about her.
Guest:Because she is a delicate flower, but she's also a badass from... That's right.
Marc:But I would think it seems like she must have had some momentary lapse, or maybe she just was consumed.
Guest:Well, she denied it ever happened.
Guest:I would never say that on the show.
Guest:I said, and you were like, fuck Noam Chomsky.
Guest:I would never say fuck Noam.
Guest:Well, you might have not said fuck them.
Guest:Well, then you better know what you're talking about before.
Guest:And I felt bad.
Guest:I thought it was bringing up something.
Guest:She'd be embarrassed.
Guest:Like, oh, my God.
Guest:Yeah, I did.
Guest:It was like that for a minute.
Marc:No, she had no recollection of it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Not only had no recollection, called me a liar.
Guest:Like, why would I make that up?
Marc:Right.
Guest:Right.
Marc:So now it's just a he said, she said thing.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And it's of no consequence.
Guest:But I felt afterwards like such a dick because it made the whole crowd went silent.
Guest:Did you ever use the word nigger?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:So you created a good tension there.
Guest:It was inadvertent.
Guest:I thought it was like a funny story.
Marc:Did it bounce back?
Marc:No.
Guest:What's going to happen?
Marc:Well, I mean, Provenza will leave you out there for three hours waiting for something.
Guest:Provenza had left.
Guest:He left to piss.
Guest:He got high with Kathy Griffin in the first taping, and he went to piss.
Guest:I didn't even know until later.
Guest:He wasn't there.
Guest:But it's his show, isn't it?
Guest:Yeah, it went on.
Guest:I can't imagine what they're going through editing that fucking show.
Marc:I can't imagine, like, you know, to edit an hour out of fucking three hours.
Guest:I know.
Guest:It's the only comedy show I've ever watched about comedy that is actually entertaining.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, but I just like the editing must be a bitch.
Marc:Where'd you grow up?
Guest:Worcester, Mass.
Marc:You did grow up in Worcester?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Worcester, really?
Marc:Mm-hmm.
Marc:And how many brothers you got?
Guest:One brother is still back in Providence.
Guest:All the family's dead.
Marc:Really?
Marc:Dad, mom, everybody?
Guest:Dad, mom.
Guest:We have an aunt and uncle that are still alive.
Marc:Now, was your dad in an industrial thing?
Guest:My dad, no, he was a teacher.
Guest:He was in the school department.
Guest:Nicest guy in the world.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Died of colon cancer in 01.
Guest:His mother died in 08.
Guest:Whoa.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I haven't lost my parents yet.
Marc:It's probably going to happen, right?
Marc:Happens, right?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:So I'll just kind of have to prepare for it?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'll tell you the story off the air about Mother, but there's a statute of limitations on some of these stories.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:No deal.
Guest:That's good.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:She took her own life out of necessity.
Guest:Oh, really?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Now, do you think that... See, that's like up the alley of where you are politically.
Marc:Like, I don't... Like, you live out there in Arizona, and I've never been able to characterize... Would you call yourself a libertarian?
Marc:What would you call yourself?
Guest:I used to call myself a libertarian.
Guest:I lean libertarian.
Guest:Which means what?
Guest:I'm not a party member anymore.
Marc:Right, just stay out of my yard and keep my taxes low and do whatever the fuck you want, just not on my property?
Guest:Exactly, yeah.
Marc:Right, yeah.
Marc:Right, so there's nothing really Republican about that other than the idea that we shouldn't pay taxes.
Guest:Well, there's no... Republican and Democrat, we're old enough to know that there's no such... Yeah, no, the government's a money laundering operation.
Guest:Yeah, what they pretend to believe in is not what they do.
Marc:Right.
Guest:So, yeah, I lean libertarian in that, yeah, as long as you don't step on my sandwich fucking party.
Guest:That's it?
Guest:That should be the next CD.
Guest:Well, just don't...
Guest:Fuck with that.
Guest:Government should only be there to protect you from force or fraud as the party line goes.
Marc:I don't really talk politics that much anymore, but it seems to me that...
Marc:you have to burn out on it where you go oh yeah when you're behind some party or candidate it doesn't matter because once your idealism gets crushed right when you realize that the people that you kind of and even it's it's usually just with me it's half belief it's got to be better than the other guy and then all of a sudden you're like well it's a little better but it's pretty much the same it's either better symbolically or there's a couple of things that they did that you know that that seemed like real progress but then these other fuckers are going to chip away at it first of all
Guest:Look at your own personal life, how your day-to-day, how your life has gone, and what president has affected your life specifically, where you go, ah, geez, yeah, 92, like, ah, fuck.
Marc:Well, if it wasn't for George Bush, I wouldn't have had a career in left-wing radio for a year and a half.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:That's all it is.
Guest:It's frustrating.
Guest:It's something to talk about that you realize this doesn't really affect my day.
Marc:I made a lot of money shitting on George Bush.
Guest:Do you know your city councilman?
Guest:Do you show up at town hall meetings and go, hey, fucking street sweeping.
Guest:This is bullshit.
Guest:That's what people should be doing is worried about what's here right now in my day.
Guest:And then branch out.
Marc:And then what usually happens is around here, I got into an email neighborhood watch where you've got all these sort of amateur vigilantes looking out their window because there was a drug dealer at the end of the street.
Marc:So I was getting all these updates like, guy with a shopping bag walking up street now, don't know if we should call somebody.
Marc:And even with that, which is sort of like homespun, almost like sort of libertarian commune stuff, I was like, you know what?
Marc:I don't give a fuck what that guy does.
Marc:Quit emailing me.
Marc:There would be like 20...
Marc:20 emails speculating about what the guy with the shopping bag was doing.
Guest:He's coming down the hill right now.
Marc:Oh, I think he just picked lemons at the end of the street out of a tree.
Marc:My mistake.
Marc:Has anyone seen my cat?
Marc:It's like, you know what?
Marc:I'm done with this neighborhood watch shit.
Marc:If I hear some gunfire, I'll call somebody.
Guest:It boils down at the end of the day.
Guest:Take care of yourself.
Guest:What's affecting me?
Guest:I'll deal with the things that are directly affecting me and the world can go fuck themselves.
Marc:well is that but but you're a charitable guy right in theory okay but i mean but like in the sense of like you know there's a lot of people that are fucked and and it may not be their their fault that they're fucked do we have any responsibility as a as a civilized country to but yeah but the problem is when you're forced to be in a responsible position you
Guest:Then you generally rebel like the tsunami.
Guest:OK.
Guest:Average donations.
Guest:Not the last one.
Guest:The first the first big one.
Guest:Right.
Guest:That didn't have as good a footage.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Average donations from American households was fifty dollars per household.
Guest:That was on their own accord.
Guest:Right.
Guest:to donate to that tsunami.
Guest:Right.
Guest:If someone knocked at your door from the government with fucking a suit on and say, well, we need $50 for the tsunami victims, you'd be going, fuck you.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Who are you?
Guest:Let me see your credentials.
Guest:Yeah, I don't know those people.
Guest:When you're doing it out of the goodness of your heart, you feel good about it.
Guest:But if it's forced upon you,
Marc:You're bullied out of it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The fact that my taxes go to pay for someone who has five children to pay for their schooling.
Guest:Fuck you.
Guest:I don't have kids.
Guest:Why is it?
Guest:Why do I have to pay for your kid?
Guest:Don't have kids if you can't afford to send them to a private school.
Guest:What if they hit some rocks in there?
Guest:But I'm saying that's a natural feeling when it's forced upon you.
Guest:You want to be charitable out of the goodness of your heart.
Guest:That's where libertarianism gets confused with greedy.
Guest:I'm not a greedy person.
Guest:I'm a decent person.
Guest:I'm a giving person.
Guest:But when you tell me I have to be giving, then all of a sudden your attitude switches.
Marc:But there's room for a bit of narrow-minded thinking in generalizing when you think in terms of that welfare state model, when you're sort of like, I'm not going to fucking pay for them to drink on the corner.
Marc:I mean, that's not the majority of cases.
Marc:If you think some of your tax money is going towards people who are taking advantage of the welfare system or something, usually the stereotype is really not it and that any of us are not that far from it.
Guest:But I also understand taking advantage of the welfare system.
Guest:This is one of those places you get conflicted where, okay, I got rear-ended.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:This is an easy paycheck.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I have a shitty job.
Guest:I sell shoes.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Someone just rear-ended me.
Guest:They have a Mercedes.
Marc:I saw that lawyer on the commercial says he can help me.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Do you take advantage of that just because it is a flaw in the system?
Guest:Sure.
Guest:Or do you say, I'm not going to be that douchebag?
Guest:Brian Stowe, the Giants fan that got beaten into a coma by fucking Dodgers fans at the stadium.
Guest:That actually, again, I want to kill this person.
Guest:We have a suspect.
Guest:I want to fucking kill that guy.
Guest:I was emotionally involved in that story because it was just sports shit.
Marc:Who the fuck does that over sports?
Guest:I know.
Guest:But then the family is now suing the Dodgers.
Guest:Because they didn't have enough security and the parking lot was not well lit.
Marc:And you're like... How does that account for human behavior?
Guest:I know, but it's one of those things.
Marc:If there was security and it was well lit, this fucking crazy dude's man.
Guest:Why didn't you hire him a bodyguard?
Guest:You're his parents.
Guest:You fucking created that human being.
Guest:Why don't you have a fucking bodyguard?
Guest:He should sue you, you cocksuckers.
Guest:If we're going to go that far, when people have this belief that...
Marc:they should be taken care of yeah i'm not being born into this world or that there's there's this belief that uh that anything can be exploited and they they don't think that we get we all get played when that happens it's like tort reform and that kind of stuff where where you know you get people that take advantage throw fucking big words at me no i don't really understand i don't really understand it form is
Marc:Well, what I'm saying is that it's almost impossible for somebody with a real beef with a corporation to get any justice because the corporations are going to always outlawyer them.
Marc:So the law system is just set up for fucking opportunistic lawyers to make monies off of lawsuits and for corporations to protect themselves.
Marc:Any real justice has been sort of pushed to the side by opportunists and corporate interests.
Marc:So we're all kind of fucked and we don't get any real protection.
Marc:So on some level, I understand the whole...
Guest:libertarian angle of like just stay off my property if you come on my property we'll negotiate whether or not I should kill you one of the basic tenets of libertarianism is am I born into this world owing somebody yeah I mean taxation is slavery and it's a catchphrase but it really is I owe other people you like you fucking made me I didn't want to be here
Guest:Well, that's it.
Marc:But that's some sort of weird entitlement to like, you know, fuck you.
Marc:I would have been just floating in space and idea.
Marc:And you had to suck me through your balls.
Marc:And now I'm here.
Marc:And now I got I owe you money.
Guest:Yeah, well, that it's but that's not that far from the other thing either.
Marc:It's like, I'm here.
Marc:Fuck you.
Marc:Give me what I deserve.
Guest:Well, I don't deserve anything, but I don't deserve that I have to be involved in your fucking system.
Guest:Your system sucks.
Guest:There's nothing good about it?
Guest:No, no, there's great things about it.
Guest:Let's make a list of those.
Guest:But there's so many flaws in it that we as people who are alive could change just by deciding to change them.
Marc:Well, certain things are loaded like that bit you did on the CD about one language.
Marc:It's very provocative.
Marc:The thing you said about heritage and tradition is the baggage of dead men.
Guest:Dead people's baggage.
Guest:I have five things I'm still passionate about.
Guest:That's one of them.
Guest:Well, language, that's the basic thing that keeps people apart.
Guest:You can't communicate.
Guest:When you're talking to someone who English is a second language, you're talking just basic, get me to, I need a cab ride, whatever.
Guest:But you can't communicate ideas as well.
Guest:If we picked one fucking world language...
Guest:That would that would eliminate so many problems because I could talk.
Guest:Oh, wait.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because when you do talk to people that you hate, that's what your whole fucking show is.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I had a problem with this guy years ago.
Guest:Hopefully we'll straighten it out.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I'm going to talk about Nick.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Come for 10 minutes.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Fast forward.
Guest:I'm a fucking huge fan.
Guest:I'm a huge fan.
Marc:but like there's some part of me i don't know what it is maybe i'm old school thinking because i like i was thinking about that because when i listen to your shit i think about it because you posit uh sort of you know challenging um ideas and that what what are we eliminate them all with fist fuck jokes yeah well that's good no one takes me seriously you got to be insecure on some level hey maybe that's too heavy maybe i'll put my hand in a fist or use the word cunt it
Guest:My hand's in someone's ass and I'm calling her a cunt.
Guest:We good?
Guest:We get it?
Marc:What was he saying?
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:That cunt thing's funny.
Marc:That's the sad thing about having the brain that you have a feeling you need to do that at the end of the joke because they're like, I don't know.
Guest:But I really, my fucking humor is really base level.
Guest:That's what I laugh at.
Guest:Where I find myself saying that same shit in interviews where I go, yeah, no, I do what's funny to me and I don't care what the audience thinks.
Guest:And you go, no, I don't think this is funny to me.
Guest:Do you think this is what I laugh at at home is me yelling about the same shit every fucking night?
Guest:Trying to reinvent a bit.
Marc:Please say you laugh at Jeff Dunham.
Guest:I know, but that'd be hilarious if Doug Stanhope was like, I don't find myself funny at all.
Guest:I like the puppet guy.
Guest:When I'm at home with Bingo, my fucking level of humor is like Tim and Eric's awesome show.
Guest:That's what I'm like.
Guest:I'm goofy, and I try to make my girlfriend laugh, and she'll laugh at fucking...
Guest:Hand puppets.
Marc:I'm the same way.
Marc:It's weird.
Marc:I'll watch, like, if I really want to laugh, I did this the other night, like, a couple weeks ago.
Marc:I'm like, what could I do if I want to laugh?
Marc:And I fucking put on Brian Regan's hour.
Marc:One of his hours.
Marc:And I'm like, I'm laughing.
Marc:Like, it was guaranteed.
Marc:I don't know if anyone would say that about me.
Marc:Like, you know, like, if anyone's sitting at home going...
Marc:I just need a lighthearted laugh.
Marc:Let's put in a Marin CD.
Marc:Holy shit.
Marc:Where's the gun?
Marc:Yeah, I don't know if I'm that guy, but I'm the same way.
Guest:On some level, you are fucking pandering to an audience, and you do it in your best voice.
Guest:Yeah, I don't know, though, dude.
Marc:I mean, I'd like to believe that.
Guest:I really think that... But you have to put the cell phone in your ass to make them laugh.
Marc:Yeah, but I don't do enough of that.
Marc:I don't do enough of that.
Guest:But you're... If...
Guest:I get more joy out of making a fucking Walmart greeter laugh by saying something off the cuff when I'm walking through the door.
Guest:And he has a shitty day.
Guest:He didn't pay me.
Guest:He's not expecting something for his $20 ticket admission.
Guest:And I just made that fucking lady laugh because I said some kooky thing that no one says to a Walmart fucking greeter.
Guest:That's what fucking actual, the joy of comedy comes from that, being funny.
Guest:Once you fucking have someone paying ticket price, they have expectations.
Marc:Yeah, but I don't know if I agree with you, because there were times where I was happy to get paid as a comic,
Marc:And and I never I was never a guy that sold that many tickets.
Marc:I never really got any marquee name for myself.
Marc:So I just found that the whole process I was fortunate to be paid for to be a comic, but I never really figured it out as a business.
Marc:It was still really sort of I never understood it as a business.
Marc:I was just trying to be funny and true to myself.
Marc:And now like with this thing, the only thing I know is that the money I'm earning from the podcast, which isn't a fortune, but I know I earned the money based on me being me for real.
Marc:You know, like if people like me because of this thing, I'm like, all right, because the only thing I'll say when I get off stage now to people like I got podcasts, which is never seen me do comedy.
Marc:And I've been doing that for 20 years.
Marc:I know how to do that.
Marc:So they're coming like, oh, I hope you can do it.
Marc:You know, and then I do it.
Marc:And the only thing I'm concerned about when I when I talk to them after the show is, was I me?
Marc:And they're like, yeah.
Marc:And I'm like, all right, I'm good.
Marc:I'm good.
Marc:So I don't feel that that's a sellout because I've been offered money to do things like you.
Guest:I'm just saying on a level.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:When you have to play to an audience, you've already.
Marc:No, but there's a difference between that and saying like, I'll do that.
Marc:It's not really me.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, I'm saying there are levels of selling out, but we've all sold out to an extent.
Guest:Right.
Guest:The snobbery.
Guest:I fucking hate the snobbery in comedy, but I'm one of them.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How so?
Guest:I judge people.
Guest:That's why when people say, well, what kind of music are you into?
Guest:I just say, I don't like music because I don't really listen to it, but I know that I have no knowledge of it.
Guest:and I know what a comedy snob I am, where if someone said to me, I love Jeff Dunham and Peanut, I've judged them immediately.
Guest:I already don't like you as a human being.
Guest:Really?
Guest:And I know that I'm that stupid of a music fan that I know nothing, where I go, I love the Counting Crows.
Guest:I know someone's going to go, fucking idiot.
Guest:But I do.
Guest:I like it.
Marc:But fuck them.
Marc:Why would we hide ourselves?
Guest:That's what I'm saying.
Guest:I'm saying fuck them because I'm saying fuck me for being a comedy snob.
Guest:So I'm
Marc:But do you really feel that still at this point in your career that somehow or another that people that like that type of entertainment are fucking morons and you hate them?
Guest:Well, I don't really hate them.
Guest:No, I understand.
Guest:No, I do hate them initially.
Guest:And then my logical part of my brain goes, I shouldn't.
Guest:Even whatever comic.
Guest:Would I do that?
Guest:If they're getting joy out of something, I'm the guy that's going to shit on it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You wouldn't do that to a child.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Like, Timmy, what are you doing that's making you so happy in the backyard?
Guest:You're playing with an imaginary unicorn?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You fucking idiot.
Guest:You fucking, there's no unicorn there, you stupid asshole.
Guest:Think about it.
Guest:Be fucking rational and reasonable and be as happy as I am.
Guest:Yeah, that's right.
Guest:Fucking asshole.
Guest:Look at you crying.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Right.
Marc:See?
Marc:See what happens when you believe in unicorns?
Yeah.
Marc:Yeah, you know, I don't know.
Marc:But as you get older, I mean, come on, honestly.
Marc:I mean, I hear you.
Guest:Yeah, less matters.
Marc:Yeah, that's right.
Marc:Less does matter.
Guest:And I'm trying to think what's the only good part of aging is where you go, all right, I was sick of fucking two.
Marc:You don't have the fucking energy to do it.
Guest:Yeah, I don't care.
Marc:To fucking get pissed off about it.
Marc:I mean, but what are you really pissed off about, like on a day-to-day basis, honestly?
Guest:I mean, it's not the stuff I yell about in my set.
Guest:I'm not fucking, you know, at the gas station going, it's a war for oil.
Guest:I don't give a fuck.
Guest:I care about the same things Jerry Seinfeld cares about.
Guest:I don't care.
Marc:The last time I saw you, you were like a little tired.
Marc:Are you tired?
Guest:I'm always tired.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:But do you think that like, why'd you choose Oswald for the CD?
Guest:we add the opportunity like some guys you know i can get a camera crew we can film this gig and we knew it's in a fucking weird venue i go why not yeah and i'll put that out as a fucking as a dvd and a cd yeah i'll have a new one out for christmas and to make up for it and the kids sing i mean you really uh you you don't like them
Guest:No, no, I don't.
Guest:You mean, what, the idea of them?
Guest:I don't like kids in general.
Guest:They're just stupid people.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:They really are.
Guest:No, my kid's really smart.
Guest:Well, then I have them do my taxes.
Guest:Well, he's not that kind of smart.
Guest:Yeah, I don't like being around stupid people, and they just are.
Guest:I mean, I have nothing to say to them.
Guest:I like hanging around with comics are about the only people I... There's a mature crew.
Yeah.
Guest:There's a bunch of grownups.
Guest:You don't have to worry about offending anyone.
Guest:Right.
Guest:No topic is fucking... Didn't you have a vasectomy and then put it on the internet?
Marc:Weren't you one of the first to show your vasectomy on the internet?
Guest:It was back when... There's no...
Guest:Yeah, there was like 30 seconds of videotape of them actually taking out the vas deferens, a little clip they snipped out.
Guest:And yeah, I put that up somewhere in the archives.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you can get that reversed, but you would never want to, right?
Guest:No, if I ever really wanted a kid, I would adopt one.
Guest:That's the only decent fucking thing to do.
Guest:There's no need to make people.
Guest:It's the fucking biggest egomaniacal thing you can do is make someone thinking you're... Oh, don't worry.
Guest:I'm going to make my kid... I'm going to raise them right the way I should... Well, that doesn't mean that they're going to turn out the way you want them to.
Guest:A lot of people try to raise their kids Christian or fucking Republican and they turn into fucking potheads and assholes and...
Guest:The hubris to think that you will not only create a child, you will create a decent human being.
Guest:You have control over that.
Marc:You don't have control over shit.
Guest:Exactly.
Marc:I mean, that's what I start to realize, that you really fucking don't.
Guest:I know.
Marc:But so, okay, so no kids.
Marc:But the overpopulation thing, that concerns you.
Guest:It's something that's just completely overlooked in the whole eco conversation, because people all think that it's okay for them to procreate.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And it doesn't matter if you're in a fucking gated community or Sudan, we're all sucking off a finite space.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:yeah i mean like the whole kids thing with me it's not overpopulation if i can send them to montessori school right well yeah it is still yeah that thing about the carbon footprint you do is very funny yeah about uh you're doing more damage just by having a child than if you did all those other horrible things yeah yeah recycle all you want but i never thought about kids i never like you know i've had two wives and never really came up i had the second fucking yeah we're we're very self-centered people yeah i want to fuck yeah shit to do
Guest:Yeah, there's that.
Marc:And then I get worried about shit.
Marc:I mean, I'm fucking a panicky guy.
Marc:I mean, I can't imagine the amount of worry that a child requires.
Marc:I mean, you're constantly worried that he's going to eat something and die.
Marc:He's going to fall off something and die.
Marc:You're going to leave him under the car, whatever the fuck it is.
Guest:I think a lot of people have children because they've run out of ideas.
Marc:Yeah, and they've lived everything.
Guest:But it's always fun to relive...
Guest:That shit through new people.
Marc:It's also sort of taken for granted like that that is just gonna happen I in my my second wife made it very clear that there there was I think she phrased it by saying you think I'm gonna bring kids into this and And I And I understood her
Marc:That made sense to me.
Marc:And now, like, I'm getting older and, like, what, do I want to be 60 and the kid's fucking 15 or whatever the fuck it's going to be?
Marc:And I'm going to be like, Daddy just wants to sit down.
Marc:Can I sit and throw the ball?
Marc:I just don't.
Marc:I think I missed my window on that one.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I have no regrets whatsoever.
Guest:One abortion, one vasectomy.
Marc:You're good.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But you don't, like, you have friends with kids and you don't.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I got a niece and a nephew and I don't.
Guest:You don't get anything to say to them.
No.
Guest:it's so funny because i'm the same way you try to have an adult conversation with a kid who just he doesn't have the brain to do that but then you get disappointed with them so fucking hung over you know how you you in the morning like you're so hung over and you the steam from your head is fogging up your sunglasses oh wait you're 11. yeah but i don't have anything else to say right now i'll tell you what
Marc:I'll tell you my buddy Craig.
Marc:You know Craig Anton?
Marc:He's a good guy.
Marc:He's got twin daughters.
Marc:When I used to come out to L.A.
Marc:when I was still drinking, I used to stay at their house.
Marc:They had these kids when they were less than a year old.
Marc:They were just these identical fucking babies.
Marc:And I remember waking up there, you know, and I was like hungover as fuck.
Marc:I was on two hours of sleep, and I'm sitting on this couch, and these two crawling things just came at me.
Marc:And it was like, it was amazing.
Marc:Like, they made me feel so much better.
Marc:And I feel like I bonded with them forever at that moment, because they sort of, because the world was looking pretty dark.
Marc:And to this day, I thank them.
Marc:And now they're 15, so it's awkward.
Marc:You remember that time when you were like one and you crawled all over me when I was hungover?
Marc:You really helped me out that day.
Marc:I never said that because I'd probably be questioned.
Guest:But you remember when you were a kid and your dad would have his friend over and he'd go, I remember when you were just peeing on my lap.
Guest:And you'd go, I don't fucking care.
Marc:I'd do it again now.
Guest:You want to recapture that?
Guest:Now we're those guys.
Marc:So, all right.
Marc:So what happens now, man?
Marc:Where were you at?
Marc:How do you fucking live this road schedule that you do?
Marc:And is it still working out for you?
Marc:You know, just playing anywhere?
Guest:Yeah, I'm doing.
Marc:Are we having a show here?
Marc:Are there people coming over?
Marc:Did you book my garage?
Guest:No, I have tonight off, and I have been invited to three pool parties.
Guest:Oh, really?
Marc:See, that's the one good thing about Los Angeles.
Guest:Well, one of them is at Sarah Silverman's house, and it was Henry Phillips who said to say hello.
Marc:He's a great guy.
Guest:I should have him in here.
Guest:That guy, if anyone should do a one-person show, it's him.
Marc:Why doesn't he?
Guest:Because he's lazy.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That's the one thing that kills all of us.
Marc:You don't seem to have that problem.
Guest:Lazy and no self-confidence, but that's all of his stories.
Guest:That guy, every single time I see him, has the most brilliant stories about being fucked over because he's one of those guys that just...
Guest:says fuck me over yeah the black cloud just walking around it's raining on him all the time right and it's something I would like quit comedy to finance and just we're working on your one man show because you are the funniest guy I've ever fucking known over decades just talking I gotta get him in here yeah he's funny because like I like the music element too I'd like to get him to do some songs he's a guitar too right he's a good piano player yeah he's a guitar comic he has funny songs but he should just talk
Guest:yeah he'd be great on your fucking show yeah yeah i just gotta get around to him you're a great interviewer yeah like if he goes on morning radio like yeah do the song with the thing yeah well yeah he takes a long time to get but it's funny if you listen and no radio guys listen yeah yeah yeah they don't listen it's fucking bizarre so all right so you're gonna go do a pool party maybe and then where do you go where's the next road thing
Guest:I'm off for five weeks.
Guest:I do San Diego on Sunday night, and then I'm off for five weeks.
Guest:What do you do then?
Guest:Then we do a Canadian tour.
Marc:What do you do on five weeks off?
Guest:I'm fucking great at doing nothing.
Guest:We do nothing so well.
Guest:I do yard work.
Guest:I'm a fucking homeowner.
Guest:I sit in my little house in my little town and fucking rake rocks.
Marc:It's great, right?
Guest:I fucking love it.
Marc:I mean, it's weird.
Marc:Like, all of a sudden, I'm fucking up to my neck with road shit and then doing this show every week.
Marc:And all of a sudden, I got a job and I'd forgotten what... Even though when I used to sit around and do nothing, I was like, I'm fucked.
Marc:Because I didn't have a choice.
Marc:I was doing nothing because there was nothing coming my way.
Marc:But I still like doing nothing.
Guest:I'm really good at it.
Guest:Isn't it great?
Guest:Our friends are the deli manager at Safeway, and she's 57, and her husband neighbor Dave was a Frito-Lay driver, but he's on disability, and we're going to go on vacation with them.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah, we have normal people, but it's a fucking perfect trade-off to, oh, he's doing coke in the fucking main room, green room of the fucking comedy store with all these weird people, and then you go home, and I'm a completely normal fucking,
Marc:How do you feel about the fans, though?
Marc:Do they know that about you?
Marc:I mean, are you getting tired of them fucking expecting you to die?
Guest:Yeah, again, well, you want to read the passage out of that fucking Keith Richards novel again?
Guest:Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Guest:I know there's certain expectations, and I don't live up to them.
Guest:I rarely do drugs.
Guest:I do drink every fucking show because it actually helps my show.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Uh, and, uh, yeah.
Guest:And then I, I go home and I don't do drugs and I watch a lot of bad fucking television.
Guest:I'm ashamed.
Guest:Like I want to like occasionally Facebook, how upset I am with celebrity apprentice, but I go, nah, I can't put that on Facebook.
Marc:You got to keep that folk, uh, that folk myth alive.
Marc:The folk hero Doug Stanhope is upset about Apprentice.
Guest:No, it's like a fucking reality check where you go, I'm really pissed off about Celebrity Apprentice.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm ashamed of myself.
Guest:I don't want to advertise this and hope someone agrees.
Marc:I can't even fucking pay attention to this shit.
Marc:It's not even on my fucking radar.
Marc:I barely watch anything or listen to anything or see fucking anything.
Marc:I'm not a sports guy.
Marc:I get worried that I'm not caring about the right shit.
Guest:How does your podcast affect your road?
Guest:Like I know a lot of people listen and you do a great podcast, but I would think there'd be some kind of like Jim Norton effect where if they can listen to you talk for hours at a time, why would they pay?
Marc:What it is I think is a lot of them are very supportive and they like me and a lot of them want to meet me and they want it like since the podcast doesn't cost anything.
Marc:Yeah, they like to be able to give back, you know, because a lot of people don't want to just give money to something that they can get for free.
Marc:So a lot of times they'll come.
Guest:It's not that, it's just like Norton.
Guest:Norton is so fucking funny on Opie and Anthony.
Guest:I don't think I've ever heard anyone that spontaneously funny that much.
Guest:How do you do an act after you've been that funny naturally?
Marc:Well, fortunately, a lot of them, like I said before, may not know my comedy.
Marc:I mean, I know how many records I sell, and I know how many people download this show.
Marc:So a lot of them are like, he says he's a comic.
Marc:I've watched a couple of clips.
Marc:So them seeing me as a stand-up,
Marc:is something completely new to them.
Marc:And it's definitely something I know how to do.
Marc:So they're like, holy fuck, that was good.
Guest:But yeah, you are an interviewer on your show.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:Where Norton is like the funny guy.
Guest:He's the funny guy.
Guest:So how do you be funnier than that on stage?
Marc:And also like a lot of the stuff I talk about doesn't have to be funny.
Marc:I'm just sharing my thoughts about stuff.
Marc:But when I do stand up, I'm funny and I try to make it as different as possible for them.
Marc:Like some of the stuff that I've talked about on the show sometimes develops into material.
Marc:But generally, they're happy to be there.
Marc:My fans are very nice people.
Marc:I seem to attract a lot of single dudes that don't have a lot of friends.
Guest:Tell me.
Guest:I have a Sausage Army fucking fan base of trench coat, black t-shirt with some metal band logo.
Marc:I guess that's a question I want to ask.
Marc:If we were to go down a list of shit,
Guest:Am I close enough to the mic?
Guest:I'm not wearing headphones.
Marc:No, you're good.
Marc:You're good.
Marc:I'm watching the levels.
Marc:Do you find that when you lead or you get these single guys who are angry, who may not be getting laid as much as they want, who don't necessarily have the best.
Guest:The guys that miss the point about language and hear cunt, those guys.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Well, I mean, the guys that are looking to validate their own fucking anger towards women, towards society, towards whatever.
Marc:Or do you feel like are you ever misunderstood or find yourself?
Guest:I was just misunderstood by the fact that you said I have anger towards women, no anger towards women.
Marc:Right, okay.
Guest:I have anger towards specific women.
Marc:Yeah, I agree with that, but I'm saying that, do you ever find that you're dealing with people where you're like, holy fuck, did I invent you?
Guest:Yes, no, I feel that way all the time.
Guest:Like Facebook, just having Facebook and reading the comments after I write a dumb joke.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Within any I could say have a nice day on Facebook and within six or seven comments It will devolve into my fans fighting each other in the comment.
Guest:Fuck you.
Guest:You spell Louisiana wrong.
Guest:Well, you're a fucking fag.
Guest:What did I do to get these people?
Guest:I've been doing a joke about like I want to come out of the closet just to get a better fan base I just want to fake being gay just have a nicer fucking group of people with more disposable income.
Guest:Yeah
Guest:But I'm the guy I could suck a cock on stage and gay people would still not come to my shows.
Guest:And the real fans would be like, I get it, man.
Guest:Doug just needs to suck a cock.
Guest:But Facebook, you actually, it's almost like seeing into the mind of an audience where I wrote, I remember writing just a dumb joke.
Guest:I just had my MySpace direct, goes direct to my pager now.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then I'd get like, LOL, you still have a pager, dude?
Guest:Lame.
Guest:But they're laughing.
Guest:So you wonder how many people are laughing for the wrong reasons that are not getting the joke in my audience.
Guest:I'm seeing into the head of why they're laughing, and they're laughing for the wrong fucking reason.
Guest:Right.
Marc:Have you ever had that sort of encounter with a dude where he's like, I really get you, and I think that I want to show you a body in my trunk kind of shit?
Marc:I mean, have you ever been frightened by your fans?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I actually literally walked.
Guest:We were in Canada.
Guest:We were in, I think it was Edmonton.
Guest:Wherever it was, we're walking down the street looking for the gig.
Guest:And on one side of the street is a train stop.
Guest:And then the businesses are behind it.
Guest:And there's a fucking giant group of people that I think are getting on the train.
Guest:And they were so fucking scary looking.
Guest:We crossed the street to not have to walk through them.
Guest:And then realized that's the people going into my show.
Marc:actually and they're white people yeah yeah they were scary enough i go let's go on that side of the street and there they were in the front row right oh fuck now in your mind because i mean you're you you own what you say are is there anything you can't say well the last taboo is attacking the audience
Marc:Oh, really?
Marc:Well, I was ahead of the game on that.
Guest:Your own audiences.
Guest:That would be the last taboo.
Guest:You fucking idiots.
Guest:Why are you paying $25 to hear a fucking old drunk person yell about stuff?
Guest:The thing is, with hate mail, I've realized, and this is what makes me feel good about even bad comics.
Guest:You're a fucking mediocre comic.
Guest:You're a drunk, fucking miserable loser.
Guest:This was a recent Facebook comic.
Guest:And you're going to live in mediocrity at best.
Guest:This is on my fan page, of course.
Guest:But I mean, what does mediocrity mean?
Guest:The point is the best comic in the world, most people don't think is funny.
Guest:You're not funny.
Guest:The best comic, most people will still not find funny because it's such an abstract kind of humor is so specific.
Guest:You could be the funniest fucking guy in the world and most people will still not think you're funny.
Guest:You just have more fans than other comics.
Marc:But I think what draws people to you is your ability to sort of turn an accepted truth or something we all take for granted in on itself.
Marc:Time for another one.
Guest:Flunky.
Guest:We're out?
Marc:We're out of champagne?
Marc:We're out of champagne.
Marc:Well, I guess that's a... We can... Someone told me I got a stock of... What are you gonna... He's gonna make champagne.
Guest:You're gonna make champagne?
Guest:He says we're out.
Guest:You have beer?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:All right.
Guest:I'll take a beer.
Marc:But that the whole idea of and the reason that I like listening to you is to say, you know, you turn these things that we take for granted or that are cultural norms in on themselves to at least provoke people to go like, oh, fuck, I never thought of it that way.
Marc:And that's a fucking important thing just to blow little minds.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Guest:Yeah, as long as you have those ideas, you go, I'm running short of things I can turn on their head.
Guest:Let's do more fist bump jokes.
Guest:I was happier when I was doing those.
Marc:So the arc has been that, you know, here's a guy, I'm angry, I got solutions.
Marc:Now I'm just angry, fuck you.
Marc:And pretty soon you'll just be like, I'm not even that angry anymore.
Guest:I remember hearing a Carlin interview on radio, terrestrial radio years ago where he's like, now I'm just going to laugh while the whole thing falls apart.
Guest:I just want to enjoy and I want to get to that place where I can just enjoy.
Guest:Yeah, it's all stupid, but I don't care.
Guest:It's not affecting my life.
Guest:I have a fucking little tiny house that's paid off on a small back decrepit street in a decrepit area of a
Guest:small town on the mexican border yeah and i have a big fence and we we enjoy our lives are you happy yeah yeah all right all right then you won yeah exactly but no it's bad for business happiness is not good for comedy well you invent things to hate you look for things you never thought of another way to go you don't think you can be funny without it without the hate
Guest:Yeah, I'm hoping to.
Guest:Yeah, I'm hoping.
Guest:Yeah, there's a new horizon.
Guest:Again, I want to get to that place where I'm an old Carlin.
Guest:I just can laugh at everything being fucked up.
Marc:I think it'd be interesting if you just did a tour, you know, you disappear for a year and you do a tour where you don't cuss.
Marc:All the jokes are meticulously written out.
Marc:You know, your stage, you don't smoke on stage or drink and you stand still at the mic and never take it out of the stand.
Guest:The drinking thing, actually, when I don't drink on stage or don't drink enough, I'm so self-conscious and I'm so worried about the delivery and the reactions and all that that there's too much ego involved in it where I'm just stiff.
Guest:You just feel yourself being stiff.
Marc:You get in your own head.
Guest:Yeah, and when I'm drinking and drunk, I'm actually, I get past that and I'm fleshing out ideas and I'm really going with what I would say if we're fucking hanging around on my couch.
Guest:And yeah, I'd love to be in a place where I don't have to fucking be destroying myself just to get through a set and amuse people and fucking Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Marc:So what do you think would happen if you went up there with a week sober and-
Guest:I don't know what would happen if I took a year off.
Guest:I've always thought, you know, I have enough fucking money and I live low enough.
Guest:I don't have... I live, again, small town.
Guest:House is paid off.
Guest:I could take a year off.
Guest:How much would people forget you?
Guest:Like, I...
Marc:But how much would you not need it?
Guest:When Rhodes moved to fucking Amsterdam and then he's coming back like he's basically a fucking open miker and he's taking any fucking gig in El Paso or he's always working.
Marc:But you built your house.
Marc:It's different.
Marc:I mean, you know, you've got this thing where you're not really beholden to anybody but yourself and you have a direct relationship with your fans.
Guest:But I'm saying how long in this short attention span environment could you take a year off and still have a fan base?
Guest:Or would you be some guy that they, oh, I used to like that guy, but yeah, I'm busy tonight.
Marc:But you're telling me that if you went up and you didn't have a few drinks that your self-consciousness would debilitate you a bit.
Guest:It does.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I don't know if I if I stopped drinking for a while, maybe I would grow into a person who.
Marc:Yeah, it's weird.
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Like, like, like when you're just when you're in downtime, are you relatively shy and don't sort of engage?
Guest:I'm very polite.
Guest:I'm the most polite.
Guest:I'm like my dad.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm happy to see you.
Guest:I don't want anyone having a bad time.
Guest:We have football parties every Sunday during football season.
Guest:I'm fucking cooking.
Guest:I basically have an apron on.
Guest:Is everyone good?
Guest:Can I get you a drink?
Guest:Hang on.
Guest:I'm going to make some mini pizzas.
Guest:Yeah, I'm fucking Sally, homeowner.
Guest:I'm a nice host.
Guest:I have normal people.
Guest:We never talk about comedy.
Guest:They don't care who the fuck I am on the road.
Marc:I guess it is just show business, huh?
Marc:yeah but i like that i really enjoy that yes it's still a release for you that even if you've got to put on the hate you get up there and get that fucking thing going but i don't know if i would enjoy that without this without being on the road partying fucked up i can't yeah right yeah yeah yeah well i'm glad you're happy man
Guest:Yeah, I don't even know if I'm happy, but I'm glad to be here.
Guest:Well, thanks for talking.
Guest:You good?
Guest:I'm good.
Guest:We good?
Guest:Yeah, and Janine Garofalo, I really, really like you.
Guest:I hope I didn't make you that upset.
Guest:It was just a thing.
Marc:All right, man.
Marc:Good to see you.
Guest:Good to see you.
Marc:That's our show.
Marc:Doug Stanhope.
Marc:Sorry I didn't get him before he did Louie, but he did a lovely job on that.
Marc:It's always great talking to Doug.
Marc:Go to WTFPod.com for all your WTFPod needs.
Marc:Get a little...
Marc:Pow!
Marc:Wow, I just shit my pants.
Marc:JustCoffee.coop at WTFPod.com.
Marc:Get an app for the iPhone, iPad, iPod Touch, the Droid.
Marc:You can get the premium on your computer.
Marc:You can get on the mailing list.
Marc:You can get some new merch.
Marc:I got new posters up there.
Marc:The new CD available signed at WTFPod.com.
Marc:On the mailing list, I'll mail you something every Sunday.
Marc:I write it Saturday.
Marc:It's fun.
Marc:It's not just, you know, I'm just talking or I'm writing.
Marc:Sometimes there's pictures, upcoming shows and whatnot.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:All right.
Marc:I'm glad my memory and my body held up throughout this show.
Marc:Thank you for listening.
Marc:I'll talk to you on Monday.