Episode 178 - Live from Australia
Guest:Lock the gates!
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:How?
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:None would you give.
Guest:And it's also... Yeah, what the fuck?
Guest:What's wrong with me?
Guest:It's time for WTF?
What the fuck?
With Marks.
Guest:All right, let's do this, what the fuckers, what the fuck buddies, what the fuckineers, what the fuck Australians.
Marc:This is WTF live from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in Melbourne, Australia.
Marc:I'm about to cry.
Marc:I can't believe so many people know the fucking show.
Marc:It's really, uh, that's unbelievable.
Marc:You can do that again, sure.
Thank you.
Marc:That is... Considering I was a relatively anonymous person for 20 years of my comedy career, to come to Australia and have people like the show is really fucking amazing.
Marc:And, wow, I'm really moved.
Marc:I go out of my way to make sure I break the fourth wall before any show.
Marc:I like to wander around and socialize to present myself as a regular person, but also to limit your expectations.
Marc:Um...
Marc:Thank you.
Marc:I'll let that laugh resonate.
Marc:We do have the audience mic tonight, so I'm going to go ahead and let any trickling laughter go ahead and showcase itself from the audience.
Marc:I've had a great time here, but I'm ready to leave.
Marc:No, it's a great city, and it's been really fun, but there are those moments where I realize, I'm in fucking Australia, which is beautiful, and I'm not trying to kiss ass.
Marc:I've had a good time, but this morning and yesterday, I was panicky.
Marc:I started feeling lonely and isolated, and then I made the mistake of Googling the map of the world to see where I was.
Yeah.
Marc:And that didn't help at all.
Marc:Then I realized that we're all really isolated here, all of us.
Marc:And I'm very far away from the cats and there's nothing I can fucking do.
Marc:And then I started thinking about flying back.
Marc:I just got into that dreadhead.
Marc:I have this weird thing about flying where I know I have to fly over most of the world's ocean, you know, come day after tomorrow.
Marc:And for some reason that horrifies me because I'd much rather crash on land.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Is that an unusual thing?
Marc:If I'm flying over water, I'm more panicky about dying because the thought of them not finding me dead is horrifying.
Marc:But if I crash on land, they're like, oh, here's a part of them.
Marc:At least I know I've been identified.
Marc:I'm not just some weird thing being eaten by sea creatures.
Marc:So that's where I was at.
Marc:Good way to open the show.
Marc:I...
Marc:I didn't do any research in order to pander to Australia.
Marc:So I hope you forgive me for that.
Marc:I just, I couldn't do it.
Marc:I couldn't, you know, because I know there are comics that are like, do you guys have cars here?
Marc:What do you call them?
Marc:What do you call soap?
Marc:Is soap just soap or is it something different here?
Marc:I did none of that and it went fine.
Marc:I searched for a gift for somebody.
Marc:I bought a small stuffed wombat.
Marc:I got a kangaroo pin.
Marc:And then I went to... Because I wanted to get something relatively Australian.
Marc:And then I went to an Opal dealer.
Marc:Now, did I get fucked?
Marc:I mean, do you know something about Opals?
Marc:He seemed to have quite a racket going over there.
Marc:I mean...
Marc:Why are you laughing at me?
Marc:He had a... No, it was quite a presentation.
Marc:It was just around the corner.
Marc:But they're not blood opals, right?
Marc:I didn't do anything politically inappropriate, did I?
Marc:Am I buying a girl some cursed thing that three kids died getting?
Marc:No, the guy had a picture of him in the 40s in a hole, picking at something.
Marc:He's like, that's me!
Marc:I'm like, well, that seems valid.
Marc:And then...
Marc:He explained to me why opals are expensive.
Marc:No, he explained to me how you rate them and everything.
Marc:And the weirdest thing was, like, I got it was a sales pitch, and it was a presentation.
Marc:He polished an opal in front of me, and it was all very exciting.
Marc:But then he's got a back room in his fucking store.
Marc:He goes, have you seen these?
Marc:And we walk back there, and he's got a hunter spider in a cage, and he's got, like, poisonous snakes in a cage.
Marc:He's got those, the Black Widow, I don't know what you call them here, but he's got that spider, and he's saying how deadly they are.
Marc:And then I realized, holy shit, this is the end of the sales pitch.
Marc:Now he's going to shut the door and go, are you going to buy an opal?
LAUGHTER
Marc:And I did.
Marc:Alright, as I do at the beginning of these things, let's read some emails.
Marc:I like the emails.
Marc:Okay, this is from a guy, Brandon.
Marc:I just had a dream where you played a significant role in my eventual embarrassment.
Marc:That's a good open.
Marc:I was in a small K-12 school, and I was assigned a writing assignment that involved using all of the words and phrases listed on the handout.
Marc:It was a list of all very common tropes and terms, except for the final word on the paper, prelopecia.
Marc:Now, I know prelopecia isn't a word, but in my dream, apparently, it was close.
Marc:So I went around the school to find the definition, the only teacher available was Marc Maron.
Marc:Finding you in the halls was difficult.
Marc:However, because though I listened to your podcast religiously, and in parentheses, not religiously, don't get a God complex.
Marc:You know what I mean.
Marc:No parentheses there.
Marc:I have never seen your face and don't trust your logo.
Marc:So in my dream... So in my dream, you had a blurry face.
Marc:I felt that.
Marc:I felt that.
Marc:I can tell you, however, that you were definitely wearing an awful corduroy jacket...
Marc:over a loose blue polo shirt, over a sizable gut that you seem to have grown from negligence.
Marc:That's the only way to grow a gut, isn't it?
Marc:Sorry, but I asked you, quote, is prelopecia the condition where you are born without hair, but eventually it grows out by the time you are an adult, unquote.
Marc:Apparently, I took alopecia and assumed the pre made it an adolescent condition.
Yeah.
Marc:But you said, let me see that paper for a second.
Marc:Took my assignment and asked me to run and buy you a Red Bull.
Marc:By the time I got back, you had written my entire project and feeling very impressed with your work, dragged me outside to read it to the entire school.
Marc:This is where you became a dick.
Marc:The hall outside your office became an auditorium and you read the first half to the entire student body with ease.
Marc:Then you passed it to me and as I struggled through your incredibly pretentious phrasing...
Marc:Someone called me out for plagiarism on the belief that I didn't know the meaning of half of the words you told the school I had written.
Marc:Then as I tried to defend myself, you stepped in front and angrily proclaimed to everyone with your stupid blurry mouth that I didn't write it and condemned me as a liar by pointing your crystal clear finger in my face.
Marc:This is so a real dream, isn't it?
Marc:In hindsight, it was kind of godlike.
Marc:Your face wasn't ever shown, but that judgmental finger pointed down at me clear as scripture.
Marc:Even after you set me up to feel the guilt for shit you created, I don't know what that dream was supposed to mean, but you're either Jesus or just an asshole.
Marc:Brandon.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, this was a good one.
Marc:The subject line, the ultimate ultimatum.
Marc:And this is all the email says.
Marc:Stop drinking or I will leave you.
Marc:I think that's a little harsh, right?
Marc:Why can't she just let me self-destruct, selfish bitch?
Marc:And occasionally I get these kind of emails, and I think they're serious.
Marc:Like, I don't know who listens to your show, but I get very odd emails sometimes.
Marc:And the subject line just says, lizard.
Marc:And she says, I have a backyard-type lizard that managed to escape the mouth of my rat terrier and lived loose in the house for a month.
Marc:I finally caught him the other day, and since it is 30 degrees out, I want to keep him inside until he's more hydrated and healthy so a bird doesn't snatch him.
Marc:What can I feed him?
What?
Marc:I soaked some moss and put it in the jar with a net lid on it and some sticks to climb and next to a light, but he's still puny.
Marc:Any help for Larry?
Marc:That's from Debbie.
Marc:Now, I want that to be funny, but I think she was probably serious.
Marc:And at some weird moment, she said, Mark will know how to handle a lizard.
Marc:Subject line, hey man, how about this for a true what the fuck moment?
Marc:I'm in the middle of either a full-blown manic episode, have become a Buddha with a little B, or is closed by, or is dosed by a merry prankster in Oregon, Ken Kesey Coffee House.
Marc:I can prove the events in this story is true.
Marc:I am taking names and numbers of all witnesses.
Marc:My personality has been shattered, shittered, and shat on by what I have come to believe is a magic dog.
Marc:My 12-year relationship with Alcoholics Anonymous is over for good.
Marc:Where I go from here is up to me and me alone as I learn to dance and respond to the lessons of the magic dog.
Marc:Trademark.
Marc:My name spelled.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Your show and the way you look at the world have planted many of the seeds that are this dream being played out in the physical plane, the Facebook plane, and the Twitter plane.
Marc:Twitter rhymes with blank.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Something you can't say on TV.
Marc:You spelled E-W-E.
Marc:And then...
Marc:Then the next sentence, I fucked a sheep.
Marc:I was 27.
Marc:I don't know why.
Marc:Anyhow, you came into this trance fuss over when I was dancing around in a truck stop in Yonkala, Oregon, begging to be arrested for anything as I visited the drinking saloon in the adult bookstore, and I heard blasting from a cab of a Freightliner cab over Magic Lunchbox, none other than that very familiar... What the fuck?
Marc:At two in the morning or so on the third night, spelled K-N-I-G-H-T.
Marc:...of the sleeplessness.
Marc:We are now on the seventh night.
Marc:It is dark, and there is no reason to have hope.
Marc:I am on this trip.
Marc:It is my trip, and I am the master of my domain.
Marc:Never again will I say my name is Bill, an alcoholic, but rather I shall dub myself as... I am Bill, AA, Advanced Atheist.
Marc:Thank you for your help.
Marc:Never again shall I think of you as an anxiety-ridden, self-absorbed comic who can't even show enough sack to wear those mamby-pamby red wings...
Marc:I can now see you as simply Marin, a frightened Buddha.
Marc:I love you, Mark, bro.
Marc:More to be revealed.
Marc:Fucking Gigi Manning's reluctant husband Bill and AA larping his way to being here.
Marc:And then two minutes later, same guy, subject line, okay, dude.
Marc:And then the email just said, I wrote that in six minutes.
Okay.
Marc:Okay, I don't mean to interrupt your Australia experience.
Marc:I know you're enjoying the show, but this show is brought to you by Men of a Certain Age on TNT.
Marc:All new episodes start Wednesday, June 1st.
Marc:It's an amazing show.
Marc:I've said this before.
Marc:I'm going to say it again because I'm proud that they're sponsoring the show because I love the show.
Marc:If you don't know about it, it's Ray Romano, Andre Brower, Scott Bakula.
Marc:It's really a beautiful, natural, moving show in a lot of ways.
Marc:It also recently won the Peabody Award for Excellence in Media.
Marc:Andre Brower was...
Marc:nominated for an Emmy for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Owen Thoreau.
Marc:The LA Times said, quote, a miraculously good show about a stage of life that is too often either ignored or overplayed, unquote.
Marc:And I feel that way about myself.
Marc:I'm either ignored or overplayed.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You can learn more about men of a certain age at TNT.tv.
Marc:As I said, all new episodes begin Wednesday, June 1st.
Marc:Check your local listings for Times.
Marc:It's only on TNT.
Marc:And you know what?
Marc:I'm going to call Ray again.
Marc:Can I call Ray again?
Marc:I just called him three days ago, but I think it went well.
Marc:I just watched some more of the episodes.
Marc:I watched two of them again.
Marc:Let's call him.
Marc:I just want to tell him how much I like it again.
Marc:And I think we're at that point now.
Marc:It felt comfortable.
Marc:I'm going to call him.
Marc:We're calling Ray Romano again.
Marc:I think it's okay.
Guest:Hello?
Marc:Ray.
Marc:Ray Marc Maron.
Guest:Oh, hey, man.
Guest:What's up, buddy?
Guest:I'm sorry.
Guest:I don't usually answer the call.
Guest:It's like twice in a row where he stepped out.
Guest:I just picked it up.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Marc:I mean, if you don't want to talk, I just I watch.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:I'm good.
Guest:I'm good.
Guest:I'm good.
Marc:up no but i've just been thinking about the show again because i like i i told you the the last time i called it had this effect on my life and uh look i just want to know like first of all the first question i want to ask you about it and i i swear to god i'm not gonna take up a lot of time that how do you pronounce uh uh andre's last name brower okay andre brower genius how how good is he yeah no he's great he's the look he's the dude man that's why we took him i mean he we didn't think he could do comedy and then we just thought you know what
Guest:Let's just go with the best actor in the room.
Guest:He's doing it all.
Marc:It's unbelievable.
Marc:In that episode where he and his dad were, you know.
Guest:Once again, I love that you're calling and I love you, you know, saying good things.
Guest:I just don't, you know.
Marc:Okay.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:You're right.
Guest:You're right.
Marc:You're right.
Marc:I'm sorry.
Guest:Let's talk about acting all we want.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:That's cool.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Well, okay.
Marc:All right, well, how about John Manfrilotti?
Marc:I mean, I know him as a comic, but Jesus Christ.
Guest:Yeah, the bookie Manfro, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I mean, like that scene in the... You scare me because you just keep going.
Marc:All right, all right, all right.
Guest:I feel like you're just going to give away a couple of cool little...
Guest:I might say we got some things, but things happen, and it's important.
Marc:You know what?
Marc:I'm just going to leave it at that.
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:Yeah, I know.
Guest:It's good stuff.
Guest:Let's just leave it that some good stuff happens.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:All right.
Marc:And again, I didn't mean to bother you.
Marc:I just got excited.
Guest:He didn't bother me.
Guest:He didn't bother me.
Guest:He just, you know.
Guest:It's just I get a little sensitive about giving away.
Marc:Sure, sure.
Marc:And believe me, I'm not going to let anyone even watch this press CD package I got, the DVDs.
Marc:I got them.
Marc:But I'm just going to keep them.
Guest:That's just for you.
Marc:Yeah, I'm just going to keep them.
Marc:I'm going to keep them.
Marc:And you know what?
Marc:I'm not even going to let my friends watch them until they actually air on TV.
Guest:Oh, that'd be good, yeah.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:All right, well, look, again, didn't mean to take up any of your time, and I appreciate you talking to me.
Guest:All right, man.
Guest:Thanks for calling.
Marc:All right, take it easy.
Guest:All right, bye-bye.
Marc:I feel like it's okay to call him.
Marc:Don't you?
Marc:Men of a certain age, new episodes begin Wednesday, June 1st.
Marc:Check your local listings for Times, only on TNT.
Marc:Now back to Australia.
Marc:All right, let's bring out our first guest, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:You know him.
Marc:You love him.
Marc:The infamous, funny, and famous here, Greg Fleet, ladies and gentlemen.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:It's good to see you, Greg.
Guest:It's very good to see you.
Guest:You get a lot of people sending you emails about their dreams.
Guest:I wouldn't think of you as a dream person, but I do remember the first time I met you thinking you looked like the guy who would have an incredible knowledge of reptilian dietary habits.
LAUGHTER
Guest:So other than that email, they're all crazy.
Guest:The loneliness of that woman just sitting there looking at her lizard, listening to me in her earbuds going, Mark would know.
Guest:And also saying, I've got a backyard type lizard, which I've then locked in the house.
Marc:But a backyard-type lizard here is something else.
Marc:I just saw one in a cage in the back of an opal store.
Marc:They're big fucking lizards, man.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You've got to have a big lizard if you've got opals.
Guest:You need that.
Guest:I met a guy on a comedy tour who was about 19.
Guest:Insane.
Guest:We're at the back of Burke, which is in the middle of the desert.
Guest:And this guy, we're in a van driving down dirt roads.
Guest:He's cutting in front of us on a motorbike.
Guest:Like, hey, it's fun.
Guest:Look, I'm almost dying.
Guest:And...
Guest:And he had this massive scar on his face and this weird thing on his jaw.
Guest:He told me his parents owned an Opal store.
Guest:When he was about 11, he and his friend were up in the office and he opened the safe and said, look, here's all the Opals and the .44 Magnum.
Guest:And his friend took out the Magnum and shot him in the mouth with a Magnum and blew half his jaw off and gave me a good story.
LAUGHTER
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I didn't know where that was going.
Guest:Me either.
Marc:It's one of those thoughtful stories.
Guest:It's one of those stories you start telling and you wish you could take the words back.
Marc:When he realizes about halfway through, hey, you know what?
Marc:This isn't funny.
Marc:It's just a guy getting his face blown off.
Guest:True.
Marc:That's exactly what I thought.
Guest:I need a twist at the end.
Marc:See, because right when you were saying it, I thought, well, the scar has got to have some sort of interesting background to it.
Marc:And sure enough, it did.
Marc:It did.
Marc:I got his face blown off.
Marc:It looked exactly like a lizard.
Marc:oh there you go tie it around oh that's what i meant to say yeah okay good good thank you you forgot that part so okay i uh there's one thing that i was a little uncomfortable about in in uh in doing this show and i'll show you it's like i really and i'm not trying to be a condescending or ignorant i don't really fucking know much about the the lot of australia like you just said the desert in my mind that's most of it right well it is it actually is most of it now are there gigs out there
Guest:There are some, and they're not as bad as you imagine.
Guest:Like in Alice Springs, which is a sort of town, a city, in the middle of the desert.
Guest:So there are gigs there, and people tend to be very appreciative of them.
Guest:Because you showed up?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:They get nothing.
Guest:Even TV refuses to go on.
LAUGHTER
Guest:So they are.
Guest:They're actually quite good ones.
Guest:And also, weirdly enough, in a lot of those really remote places, you have a lot of quite intelligent people or whatever, you know, who are maybe there teaching or doing something, you know, like... Or they just left.
Marc:That's very intelligent.
Marc:Just to be like, fuck it.
Marc:I'm going off the grid.
Marc:I'm heading out into the desert.
Guest:Yeah, I'm going to live out there.
Guest:And you meet a lot of people called John.
Guest:You know, like clearly on the run from stuff.
Guest:You know, like, hey, what's your name?
Guest:John.
Guest:Really?
Guest:What's your last name?
Guest:John.
Guest:This is my friend John.
Marc:Enough said.
Marc:Have a good time.
Marc:Okay, like when you... We were just off... Before we started the show, you said, I'm just going out for a cigarette.
Marc:And I said, okay, we'll be back within an hour.
Marc:Wasn't that kind of cigarette.
Yeah.
Guest:I just happened to buy my cigarettes from a young Asian guy that I know on the corner of Russell Street.
Guest:It looks weird, and they come in just one small cigarette like that, expensive.
Marc:No, no, I wasn't.
Marc:For some reason I get the feeling you're the kind of guy that you wake up and somehow or another the day's going to become an adventure whether you want it to or not.
LAUGHTER
Guest:I find lately I've been doing this thing where I wake up and I'm disappointed that I'm not still asleep.
Guest:That's called being a comedian.
Guest:Yeah, true.
Guest:I just said to one of the guests that's about to come on that if my life took place on stage entirely, I would find it so easy.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's only the rest of it that I find hard, you know.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Anything that happens not on stage is awkward.
Guest:But on stage, I could sleep on stage.
Guest:I could eat, live, whatever.
Marc:That should be your next show.
Marc:Yeah, just make posters of you sleeping and just call it Greg Fleet Sleeps.
Guest:I know someone who did that in Edinburgh.
Guest:These people were... They were all living... They were doing a show and they didn't have much money and they were all living in some, you know, building.
Guest:They were all just sleeping there and the fire brigade came and said, you can't stay here.
Guest:You can't stay here, lad.
Guest:You've got to move out.
Guest:You're not allowed to sleep here.
Guest:It's, you know, no way.
Guest:So what they did was they just put out posters saying...
Guest:our new show, Sleep, or whatever, or just Living, I think it was called.
Guest:So you could come any time and just watch them sleeping, you know, like living.
Guest:The show went from like 8 at night till 6 or 7 in the morning.
Guest:And they actually had people come.
Guest:People would come and go, wow.
Guest:I wonder how the reviewers handled that.
Marc:Not much happened.
Guest:One guy ate and that was it.
Guest:It was very believable, though.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:The most genuine show of the season.
Guest:I love... I read in Edinburgh... This is getting way off track, but the worst review... Sort of.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:The worst review I've ever read was in Edinburgh, and there was two people doing a show together.
Guest:So say it was you and I. I'd say it was Mark Marion and Grigley.
Guest:The review just slammed these people, like unbelievably.
Guest:Like you just... You've never read a review more vitriolic.
Guest:And then...
Guest:And it had half a star at the top of the review.
Guest:It said, this half a star is a magnanimous gesture.
Guest:That was the first sentence.
Guest:Then just ripped into them and at the very end said, Mark Maron is preferable to Greg Fleet in the same way that emphysema is preferable to full-blown cancer.
LAUGHTER
Guest:How could you not use that as a blurb?
Guest:Oh, exactly.
Guest:You'd have to.
Guest:Yeah, because people would want to see that just because it was so fucking horrendous.
Guest:Absolutely.
Guest:And wouldn't you want to be the emphysema guy, too?
Guest:Like, you'd be going, we could have got away with this if you went so cancer-y, you know?
Guest:We're so close to being death.
Guest:So what do you got going?
Guest:During the festival, just generally in life.
Guest:Yeah, generally in life.
Guest:Fear.
Guest:Good.
Guest:Loneliness.
Guest:Comedy.
Guest:Oh, good.
Guest:That's easy.
Guest:You've got a daughter?
Guest:I've got a beautiful nine-year-old daughter.
Guest:Yeah, she's great.
Guest:She finds me embarrassing.
Guest:No, she's great.
Guest:She's really cool.
Guest:And I do actually have a TV show coming out, which is about comedians, which we filmed this time last year during the festival with Adam Hills and me and Gatesy and Alan Bro and Corinne Grant.
Guest:It's going to be great.
Guest:It looks amazing and they're just finishing the editing.
Guest:Is it called Living?
Guest:It takes place in a disused room in Edinburgh and there's a lot of sleeping.
Guest:But other than that, it's funny and good.
Guest:No, it's just about five comedians who are friends and all the bitterness and all the stuff they do when they're not on stage.
Guest:The stuff I fear.
Marc:That's just what we need is more people showing comedians for the selfish, lack of empathetic fucks that they are.
Marc:There is a lot of that in it.
Guest:But I think we're all pretty good people, generally.
Guest:I actually do think so, and I think it's a good thing to do.
Guest:I mean, it is a positive thing to do.
Guest:You generally make people happy, generally.
Guest:You either make them happy or extremely angry, but nothing in between.
Marc:No, I find the worst... There is something in between.
Marc:It's when they see through the clown face...
Marc:Right to the core of your fear and sadness.
Guest:And they're sitting in the front going, I don't know if anyone else can see what I see.
Marc:Because I've always said that it doesn't break apart to funny until three rows back.
Marc:These people here, very draining experience for them.
Marc:That's not something you want to see as a blurb on a poster.
Marc:Draining!
Marc:But you know what the fucking woman said to me last night?
Marc:Was anyone at that show last night?
Marc:I got into it with her and I begged the entire crowd to be against her so she would start crying, which I thought was a reasonable tactic.
Yeah.
Guest:And always, always works.
Guest:Because let's face it, everybody wants to be mean to someone and they've got your permission.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:And this person started it, they're just finishing it.
Marc:Yeah, but every time I'm mean to somebody, halfway through it, I'm already apologizing.
Marc:You know, like, fuck, yeah, I'm sorry, it almost happened.
Marc:But you know what she said to me?
Marc:Fucking bitch.
Marc:She said...
Marc:Because it was fairly brilliant.
Marc:She goes, is Sag your favorite color?
Marc:Oh, wow.
Marc:And that's one of those ones where it just goes right in and you're like, all right, you mean business.
Marc:And that's when I pulled out the cunt.
Guest:Yep.
Guest:Someone said to me last night, did something bad happen to you when you were a child?
Guest:Yeah, all of it.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Where do you want to start?
Guest:Who would answer no to that question, you know?
Guest:Yeah, I was born into a world with you in it.
Guest:Great tweet, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:You can hang out.
Marc:Be on the mic if you want.
Marc:This next performer is, I think, a relatively new addition to the Australian comedy scene.
Marc:I met her in London briefly, and she's lovely.
Marc:Please welcome Felicity Ward to the stage.
Guest:Hi.
Marc:Thank you for coming.
Guest:Thanks for having me.
Marc:Now no one can say, like, we're the women.
Marc:Right here.
Guest:That's right.
Guest:We've got the token woman.
Guest:Am I right?
Guest:Anyone?
Guest:Anyone?
Marc:Now, should I feel bad about using cunt?
Guest:No, no.
Guest:I've actually got a story quite similar.
Guest:Which end of the cunt were you on?
Guest:Do you want to know?
Guest:No, I did.
Guest:It was when I first started out.
Guest:I've been doing stand-up for about three years.
Guest:And it was when I first started out and I went on tour with a friend of mine called Heath Franklin who plays a character called Chopper.
Guest:Now, his audiences are stereotypically quite tough and quite rough and they didn't know that there was going to be a support.
Guest:So Chopper comes out and goes, oh, I just want to bring you, you know, a friend of ours first.
Guest:We'll do a support spot.
Guest:Felicity Ward and I come out in this 1950s pencil skirt and they're like...
Guest:What the fuck is this bullshit?
Guest:And they were actually quite nice, but there was one guy who just wasn't ready for it and had had enough, and it was like 12 minutes into a 15-minute set, and I was finishing on this song, and he stands up in the crowd and goes...
Guest:No!
Guest:And I just looked at him.
Guest:He goes, No!
Guest:And I went, It's all right, mate.
Guest:We're nearly finished.
Guest:I'll be off in a scene.
Guest:He goes, No, we came here for Chopper.
Guest:Get off stage.
Guest:Go backstage and go and get Chopper.
Guest:and i went it's all right mate i've only got a minute and then we started slinging like just going back and forth and i i had spent a lot of tour like a lot of time on tour with these boys so my back and forth is pretty good and then it just got to the point where i was screaming into the microphone and then i went you know what sir i'm gonna stand here until you stop being a cunt
Guest:And then everyone cheered and then, very much like now, and then he sat down and then I finished my song and I said, you've all been lovely, you've been fucking horrific and then walked off all tough and it's the first time and the only time I've ever cried after a gig.
APPLAUSE
Marc:Oh, that's a proud moment for any comic, the crying after the performance.
Guest:And it only ever takes place in a toilet, ever.
Guest:It's great that you got off stage before you... I've done it on stage.
Guest:Have you cried on stage?
Guest:A little bit, just as I'm leaving.
Guest:I did it a little bit when they all wanted so loud.
Guest:But that's a good cry, not the failure cry.
Guest:In Edinburgh last year, it was the first year, I was sitting with a bunch of comics and I said, I had such a tough night last night.
Guest:There was all these horrible people that I was flyering before the gig.
Guest:And I was about to go on stage and I was speaking to my techie, who is now my boyfriend.
Guest:Classy.
Guest:And...
Guest:And I said, I can't go on because I'm going to cry.
Guest:He's like, you have to.
Guest:And so I went out and did this gig and I didn't cry, but the next day I was sitting with about five other comics and I said, I mean, it was so embarrassing.
Guest:Like, who cries in the middle of a gig?
Guest:And all five of them put their hand up.
Guest:And then they were like, oh, yeah, I just made it look ironic in the middle of a song.
LAUGHTER
Marc:I wonder what would happen if you started crying.
Marc:You always hear really interesting stories.
Marc:There was a guy in the States, his name was Kip Adada, and apparently he was all fucked up on downers.
Guest:Because his name was Kip Adada?
Marc:Yeah, Kip Adada.
Marc:He used to sing this song to close with.
Marc:It was a test tube baby song or whatever, and he just pissed himself.
Marc:Like, literally, people could see him piss himself on stage.
Guest:Wow.
Marc:Which I think is great.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But then there was another guy.
Marc:Have you ever heard this story?
Marc:This was a, there was a comic in the States that was really into Coke.
Marc:And he was, it's this guy, John Fox.
Marc:And there's a story where he was supposedly in the middle of a set, he got a blood just started running out of his nose.
Marc:Do you know that story?
Marc:No, but I know.
Marc:Oh, you know, it's happened.
Yeah.
Guest:What we should do is come up with the most fucked up scenario and see if Greg can't say, I've been there.
Guest:I've been there.
Guest:But this guy, apparently, the audience just stopped laughing and they were all looking at him in horror and he wiped his face and he saw blood and he looked at the audience and he said, what, doesn't anyone party anymore?
LAUGHTER
Guest:How do you handle it?
Guest:It's never happened to me.
Guest:It happened to a friend of mine.
Guest:No, it did.
Guest:I find snorting doesn't affect you quickly enough.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:Seriously, waste of time.
Marc:For all the kids listening, go right for the vein.
Marc:Don't waste time snorting anything.
Guest:Who wants a deviated symptom?
Marc:How embarrassing.
Marc:Yeah, when you can have hepatitis.
Guest:Hepatitis and collapsed veins.
Guest:It's good.
Guest:No, I saw a guy do that from snorting.
Guest:I don't know if it was coke or speed.
Guest:He was manic and he was all like...
Guest:and did that thing, wiped his hand, and could obviously see, it must have been Coke, could obviously see Coke.
Guest:Oh, no, he did.
Guest:Yeah, beautiful.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Really good.
Marc:Waste not, want not.
Marc:It's expensive.
Marc:Oh, well, that's a good question, Greg.
Marc:Have you ever just, you know, woken up in the middle of a set?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:There it is.
Guest:In a...
Guest:Oh, hello.
Guest:I did in a play.
Guest:I was in a play.
Guest:I didn't see you there.
Guest:Everyone had to turn wearing this mask and sitting in a chair while stuff went on around them.
Guest:And when I put on the mask, I didn't realise this, but I just went... And I also did it on live TV once.
Guest:And just wake up and start talking.
Guest:Just assume it's your turn.
Guest:Anyway, no, enough about me.
Guest:More about Flissie.
Guest:I think we've all had minor abuse issues with different things.
Guest:Have you ever come to in the middle of an argument?
Marc:No.
Guest:I have.
Guest:I've come out of a blackout in the middle of an argument.
Guest:Oh, so you were awake.
Guest:Yeah, I was awake.
Guest:So I'd been drinking and a blackout is when you drink so much that your memory stops working and you stop acting in the real world.
Marc:There might be people in one now in this room.
Guest:You are not going to know what's going to hit you in a second.
Guest:So what happened was I was having this party at my house and I'd drunk a lot and then it was a couple of hours later.
Guest:Magic time!
Guest:And I woke up and I was having an argument with this guy.
Guest:He's like, well, did you?
Guest:I'm like...
Guest:Did I?
Guest:It's like, did you ask her on purpose?
Guest:I'm like, sorry, are we talking about Jen?
Guest:Or it's like, Sophie.
Guest:I'm like, oh, oh, God, yes, okay.
Guest:What was the question again?
Guest:And it's so embarrassing because clearly I've been in a full-blown argument with this person.
Guest:Had no idea.
Guest:Good times.
Marc:One time I was in the worst blackout I ever had was...
Marc:All I remember, it was morning and I was being put in a cab by a couple.
Marc:That's the last thing I remember.
Marc:My shirt was on Inside Out and I remember there was a couple.
Marc:And I get home, and I was married at the time, and my wife was like, where the fuck were you?
Marc:And I'm like, I don't know.
Marc:And then she played a machine.
Marc:I called the house, and she played this message for me, and it said, I'll be home as soon as I can figure out how to get out of this dream.
Guest:That is... I've only ever... I don't know what happens to this day.
Guest:I've only had a proper blackout thing once, and it was in Adelaide during the Fringe about, I don't know, 15 years ago.
Guest:And I just remember I was trying to medicate myself off a drug addiction.
Guest:So I was over there taking...
Guest:pills and stuff to handle the horrible feelings of coming off this other thing and I just woke up at this big table with like eight people sitting around it and I have no idea what went on but I didn't know any of the people and they were and all eight of them were looking at me like this
Guest:And I didn't say anything.
Guest:I looked at their faces and I thought, whatever I've done is highly inappropriate.
Guest:I just got up and walked away.
Guest:Your company has been delightful and I may excuse myself.
Marc:I just want to do a broad apology.
Marc:Just in case.
Marc:I saw a little of your stand-up.
Marc:Teach me something about Australia.
Marc:Where do you come from?
Guest:I come from a place about an hour and a half north of Sydney.
Marc:That means nothing to me.
Guest:Sydney is a big city in Australia.
Marc:I've been there, yeah, but like anything outside of the cities.
Guest:Well, if you caught a train, you'd go north for an hour and a half and you would come to the closest train station to where I live is Woi Woi.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Someone's cheering that?
Guest:You obviously haven't been there.
Marc:What kind of word is that?
Guest:Woi woi is an indigenous word, and I think it means deep water.
Guest:I usually tell a joke saying that it means it's an Aboriginal interpretation of teenage pregnancy.
Guest:I chose not to do material.
Guest:I think that was more noble choice.
Guest:I think it wasn't funnier, but it was definitely more noble.
Marc:But what's a childhood there like?
Marc:I'm trying to compare it to like this.
Guest:Well, I don't think my childhood was the same as anyone's.
Guest:Who was saying, did you have something bad happen to you in your childhood?
Guest:Everyone backstage went, yeah, obviously.
Guest:No, I just had weird parents.
Guest:I had very strange parents.
Guest:What kind of weird?
Guest:They're really funny, like really, really funny.
Guest:Mum was a big, dirty hippie when we were growing up.
Guest:She used to, she worked at this shop that was called Oriental Imports, and it was like in the late 80s when sort of Indian things and sarongs were quite big, and also slap bands had just come into fashion.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:Are you laughing because they never came into fashion with you?
Guest:I will have you know Woi Woi was at the height, the cutting edge of fashion in Australia.
Guest:But what happened is I said I really like those and I said I think kids at school do too.
Guest:And mum goes, you should sell them.
Guest:So she would just give me like an order form and I would go to school and take money and orders and then I would take it back to her and of course she'd get commission at work and my commission was I'd get a free sarong or something.
LAUGHTER
Marc:So your mom just turned you out?
Guest:Yeah, more or less.
Guest:I was a trick.
Guest:I was a trick working at school.
Guest:But she was, like, that doesn't really sound very hippie, does it?
Guest:That sounds kind of a capitalist.
Guest:No, you would give them away.
Guest:Yeah, that's right.
Guest:That is so wrong.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So wrong.
Guest:You've got no idea.
Guest:You have no idea how long I'd battle to keep that in.
Marc:Wow.
Marc:That's the fleet-minded work.
Marc:Just holding on to that nugget.
Marc:Here it comes.
Guest:Just waiting for them to finish.
Guest:This is going to blow them away.
Guest:So wrong.
Guest:I'll save it.
Guest:We should give up the show now because the biggest joke's been done.
Marc:I hope not.
Marc:Well, Felicity, thank you.
Marc:Felicity Ward, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Thanks for having me.
Marc:Let's move down.
Marc:This next guy, I met in Edinburgh.
Marc:I went to see his show last night because he's a force to be reckoned with.
Marc:And I loved his show.
Marc:And his show is Conspiracy Realist.
Marc:Please welcome Stephen Hughes.
Marc:Steve Hughes.
Thank you.
Guest:Hello, mate.
Guest:Fucking Steve Hughes.
Guest:Hey, fucking hey.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You're just like that guy I need to say that to.
Guest:Fuck yeah.
Guest:Steve fucking Hughes.
Marc:Now, you lived here and then ran away?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Australia, Sydney, Blue Mountains.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Why'd you... About an hour out of Sydney like that, except west and not north.
Marc:And is it... What kind of town was that that created you?
Guest:It was a good town.
Guest:People go, what's it like where you grew up?
Guest:Well, it was a good place where I grew up.
Guest:It all depends on who you live with when you're growing up.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:This is... So you did all right?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Were you like... For the cunts I lived with?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I guess when I was watching your show last night, I kept trying to think, because I know a lot of heavy metal dudes, you know, there's some comics in the States, Brian Poussin, a couple guys that really like heavy metal, and I was trying to figure out whether or not you were like, when you were growing up, whether you were nerdy or an outcast, or were you always just a hard ass?
Guest:Well, no, that wasn't a hard ass.
Guest:I sort of knew, well, I wasn't particularly good at school in the sense of brainy kids at school.
Marc:Yes.
Guest:I wasn't one of them.
Guest:So I sort of went there and went, well, this is a bit boring.
Guest:And then I hung out with the kind of guys who were the kind of yobbo pack of assholes.
Guest:A couple of them, Kenny Norris.
Guest:He was all right.
Guest:He had a motorbike.
Guest:He stubbed me around the woods on it.
Guest:You know Kenny.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Fucking Kenny Norris.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:The Niles, we call it.
Guest:But then also, I hung around all these geek guys too.
Guest:David Anderson, he had a wonky eye and a club foot, but he read Hardy Boys books, and I liked that.
Guest:And then, yeah, because I had to read a lot of Hardy Boys books, and now I've had Hitchcock and the Three Investigators to get away from, what's it called?
Guest:That's right, stepmother of that.
Guest:What's her name?
Guest:Cunt.
Guest:And then...
Guest:And then... You had one of those.
Guest:That helped with the imagination.
Guest:Fine.
Guest:Well, you know, fuck reality.
Guest:It's a nightmare.
Guest:Let's go in here.
Guest:I like the Hardy Boys.
Guest:And then I hung around with Anthony Gapps, but he had a panel van, but everyone said his younger brother sucked off his brother behind the dumpster behind the school.
Guest:Which wasn't true.
Guest:And they said he stank, but he didn't because he had a panel van.
Guest:And I used to play Def Leppard in there and drive up to Woi Woi.
Guest:We had a fucking great time.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:And that's his childhood introduction.
Guest:I wouldn't hang around sports heads, because who wants to hang around them?
Marc:I don't understand sports.
Marc:I've never been the guy that... I'm just not wired for it.
Marc:I was not taught any sense of... I have no sense of healthy competition.
Marc:Any competition is life-threatening to me.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah, completely.
Marc:Yeah, I'm too sensitive for it.
Marc:I resent fucking jocks to this day.
Marc:Completely.
Marc:Yeah, if I see like a high school kid wearing like a letter jacket, I don't know if you have those.
Marc:Do you have letters?
Marc:No, no, no.
Marc:But like even if I sense that they're sports guys, there's part, I'm 47, there's still part of me that thinks like, okay, be cool, just be cool.
Guest:Don't you?
Guest:I think Americans got it even worse with your job thing.
Guest:You know Stan Hope.
Guest:Yeah, sure.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I know Stan Hope.
Guest:Kids go back to school and shoot one another, and he goes, of course they do, because you've been sitting there bashing him in the back of the head all his fucking life.
Guest:Yeah, it's about time.
Guest:And as Stan Hope says, when he goes, I want to have a school reunion, so when I go back there, he goes, Stan Hope, what do you mean doing a fucking stockpiling, motherfucker?
LAUGHTER
Guest:Everyone's time has come.
Guest:One of the guys from our school who was a really sporty guy, like really very good at sport, he was into torturing kids and being tough.
Guest:Is he still single?
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest:He's still single.
Guest:No, but he became a prison guard.
Guest:And I went, oh, that is the perfect job for you, you fucking arsehole.
Guest:Like just, you know, licensed, like paid to torture people.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I waited 25 years to go back to a high school reunion because I didn't want to go and not be a known comic.
Marc:I just didn't want to fucking deal with that.
Marc:What have you been doing?
Marc:Really?
Marc:I've never heard of you.
Marc:I didn't want to fucking do that.
Marc:So I had to get at least a Letterman appearance under my belt before I showed my face at this thing.
Marc:And the greatest part about going back to your high school reunion is all the jocks got fat and bald.
Marc:And it was just such a... I'm sorry, Greg.
Guest:I...
Marc:How did you know I was good at sport?
Marc:But I felt like somehow or another that I had won.
Guest:Yeah, for sure.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I went to a school like from year 13 to 16, then I went to another school for the last two years.
Guest:And so I went back to my old school reunion, like for their graduation.
Guest:And I thought it was going to be like me and my best friend turned up and she left as well.
Guest:And we thought it was going to be like Revenge of the Nerds and they'd all go, wow, how is she so beautiful and popular and excellent now?
Guest:And we were like waiting for the entrance and we got there a little bit late so everyone would have to go, oh, here they come.
Guest:No one gave a shit about us.
Guest:They barely remembered our name.
Guest:They're like, is it Fiona?
Guest:I'm like, Felicity.
Guest:It doesn't matter.
Guest:It's not important now.
Guest:Oh, sad.
Guest:Oh, but look at me now.
Guest:Look at me now.
Oh!
Guest:Please, please look at me.
Guest:That's my next show.
Marc:Isn't that every show that we all do?
Guest:Please look at me.
Marc:That should be in parentheses under any show title.
Guest:When you said that, when you said, that's my next show, the comedian bit of my brain went, fuck off, that's my next show.
Guest:I don't even want it, but I don't want you to have it.
Guest:The next name of our show, I need this.
Marc:So let's talk about the New World Order, Steve.
Marc:Can I take your New World Order?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I watched the show last night, and I have spent some time in Conspiracy Mind.
Marc:I know, I've listened to your RCD.
Marc:Yeah, I've been lost in that maze before.
Marc:Oh, I don't get lost in it.
Marc:Yeah, you sure?
Guest:Oh, it's a very murky world.
Guest:Oh, no way.
Guest:It's a fucking murky world.
Guest:I've got it in there, you know what I mean?
Guest:You're talking about time traveling to the future, meet yourself from the past, the sort of cosmic trans-dimensional alien that brought you back.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, you've got to fuck, you've got to... Yeah, I hear you.
Guest:You don't seem lost at all.
Marc:You've got to buy a woman's day, you know, and just fucking... Fuck, she is a fat bitch.
Marc:You know, you've got to relax.
Marc:But I guess my question, in a broader sense, when I think about this shit and you share it with people, you know, like if you get on that riff with people and you do it in your show.
Marc:Well, I skirt around the edges.
Marc:I can see it in your eye, though.
Guest:You want to know the real truth.
Guest:It's one guy, and he didn't even start.
Guest:He's from another planet.
Guest:Have you ever heard of Michael Parenti, the American political speaker?
Guest:Yeah, I know that guy.
Guest:He gets people come up to you all the time.
Guest:I go, what are you saying, Michael?
Guest:There's a group of people.
Guest:in a room that are trying to run the world.
Guest:And he goes, well, of course there's been a room.
Guest:Fuck it.
Guest:What is that going on?
Ha!
Guest:There's rooms in the White House, isn't there?
Guest:No, they're in a park.
Guest:They're not on the beach, you fucking moron.
Marc:Well, that's the great thing about your show and about the idea of it is that there is a they.
Marc:That, you know, when people say they do this, they do that.
Marc:There is a they.
Marc:There is a they.
Marc:And you know who they are.
Guest:You can't look at Dick Cheney and tell me he doesn't fucking eat kids, vomit them back up and feed them the Henry Kissing Jack.
Guest:You fucking can't tell me.
Guest:You look at him.
Guest:He's evil.
Guest:Look at him.
Guest:Dick Cheney is like...
Guest:Yeah, no.
Guest:You know he is.
Guest:You're from your gut instinct.
Guest:You don't fucking believe in it.
Marc:But even if you don't know it, it's certainly fun to picture that.
Guest:Well, I know it.
Guest:But let me... I'm a transdimensional alien from the fourth dimension.
Guest:Do you believe in aliens?
Guest:Well, someone asked me once if I do believe in aliens.
Guest:And I said, yes.
Guest:And they said, do you believe they're amongst us?
Guest:And I said, yes.
Guest:And they went, well, who?
Guest:And I went, well, animals.
Guest:Look at them.
Guest:They're freaks.
Guest:I mean, we just take them for granted, really.
Guest:But if you'd never seen them, look at them running around on four legs, all furry and weird.
Guest:And if you'd never seen one, if you'd never seen a lobster and you woke up and it was at the end of the bed, you'd lose the fucking plot.
Guest:What's that thing?
Guest:I actually did that with a friend recently.
Guest:It's such a cool thing to do.
Guest:We were walking down the street and somebody was walking a dog and I freaked and went, what the fuck is that?
Guest:And just pretended I'd never seen or heard of a dog before.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:It's great.
Guest:You can deal with anything.
Guest:Bicycles.
Guest:Just lose it.
Guest:Women.
Guest:Why don't you lose it?
Guest:Hey, cool it, man.
Marc:Cool it.
Marc:But in doing your show, do you get people that call you out on your shit politically?
Marc:Has anyone commented?
Guest:Well, some guy did have a night about global warming unless they didn't believe in it.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I'm all upset and all that.
Guest:Why should I believe in it?
Guest:They told me there was weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, too.
Guest:So why should I fucking believe in it?
Guest:Well, I live in Los Angeles.
Marc:They're lying.
Marc:The reason I believe it is because I know you're not supposed to taste air.
Marc:But where do you live?
Marc:Los Angeles.
Marc:Oh, sorry.
Marc:So you're saying global warming is regional?
Guest:Well, you know, as I said in the show, if it's true and I'm wrong, well, you know, fuck it.
Guest:Sorry!
Sorry!
Guest:Oh, I appreciate that.
Guest:Somebody throw me a boat.
Guest:Steve Hughes, ladies and gentlemen.
Marc:Great.
Marc:Leave that mic here.
Guest:Guys, I'm just letting you know.
Guest:I'm going to have to depart shortly.
Guest:Not immediately, but just see if I get to believe it.
Guest:It's not that Will suddenly said something that's made me furious.
Marc:I do have to go.
Marc:Do you want to tell us why or do you want to keep that to your...
Guest:They turn off at five.
Guest:No, no.
Guest:I've got to go to Geelong for a gig.
Marc:I heard you used to do shows and tell people you'd perform anywhere for anybody for $250.
Guest:That was something I did a couple of years ago.
Guest:There is actually talk of turning into a TV show now.
Guest:There's a thing where I'd go to people's houses and I'd say, no matter what it is, I'll do a gig for you.
Guest:I did 12 of them.
Guest:The 200 bucks was kind of irrelevant.
Guest:I said, look, I'll just come to wherever you want.
Guest:So I was doing them in people's backyards, in basements.
Guest:There would be 50 people in a backyard.
Guest:One of the best ones I did, three people on a couch smoking bongs and a dog, and I stood in front of their TV and did 20 minutes.
Guest:It was great.
APPLAUSE
Guest:Did you kill?
Marc:Yeah, I ripped the roof off.
Guest:They're like, I totally do that.
Guest:I totally do that.
Marc:Who says that drugs don't create creativity?
Marc:Yeah, you know, that's amazing.
Marc:Did you tell the TV producers what the source of that idea was?
Marc:I think they would have assumed.
Marc:All right, well, this is an exciting thing to me, to be able to introduce this next gentleman to American audiences, Arch Barker, ladies and gentlemen.
Woo!
Woo!
Guest:thank you Mark thank you fucking Arch Barker you're a rock star here well I don't know about that I do comedy but it's alright thank you thank you very much but you're huge well I mean it's going well you know I don't want to jinx it I don't want to jinx it
Marc:I remember I started out with Archkinda.
Marc:I moved to San Francisco in, what, 92?
Marc:And we used to do gigs at hotels in Marin County.
Marc:Remember?
Marc:There was this long hallway hotel.
Marc:And then all of a sudden, you just disappeared.
Marc:And now you're a huge international super comic.
Guest:Well, what happened was I was getting restless in the early days of being a stand-up for more work, and I found out there was a circuit in the UK.
Guest:So I just went there and started doing gigs around there, and then I got invited out here one time about ten years ago, and I've just been going wherever the action is, really.
Marc:It's amazing.
Marc:I guess I'm fighting jealousy.
Guest:There's no need to feel jealous, Mark.
Guest:It's really nice to be in this room.
Guest:This is what I use for my dressing room in the room where I'm playing.
LAUGHTER
Guest:And he does that while someone's doing their show here as well.
Guest:It's only when I use the blow dryer that it fucks him up a little bit.
Guest:Or the vocal warm-ups.
Guest:You know, I'm essentially the same.
Guest:I'm just going around working.
Guest:I do spend a ton of time in Australia because it's really, it's been great.
Marc:You want to try to get Greg to tell that story that you wanted to tell me?
Guest:Well, Greg, I understand that you were walking down the street with a lady friend and some people drove by and yelled something quite rude, didn't they?
Yeah.
Guest:What happened?
Guest:I was going out with a girl.
Guest:We'd been going out for a couple of years.
Guest:It was great.
Guest:We were really in love.
Guest:It was really exciting.
Guest:I remember that.
Guest:You were crazy about her.
Guest:I know.
Guest:It was mad.
Guest:These guys drove around the corner and as they went past, one of them yelled out, hey, go on, fuck her, mate.
Guest:We all have hair.
Guest:And they just drove off.
Guest:Unbelievable.
Guest:And I just went, I just went, you fucking whore.
LAUGHTER
Guest:I was so disappointed.
Guest:Yeah, I was shattered.
Guest:I thought she loved me.
Guest:Do you want to host a chat show?
Guest:You're very professional with that.
Guest:Thanks, buddy.
Guest:I'll be your sidekick, maybe.
Guest:So when you came here, though, and you've been coming back here for 10 years, right?
Guest:Yeah, off and on for about 10 or so, yeah.
Marc:Now, as an American coming over here, was it difficult at first?
Guest:Well, no, it was like normal gigs.
Guest:You go there, and they say it's going to be great, and then you go and do a gig, and people laugh, and you have to pick the right material.
Guest:But it was really fun, and I just loved it.
Guest:My first gigs were in Sydney.
Guest:And audiences responded well.
Guest:And so I just said, when can I come back?
Guest:But it just started off fun and fun a few years.
Guest:And I didn't think about it.
Guest:And then one day I said, what's that?
Guest:Who are those people lining up for?
Guest:Is it for you?
Guest:And then I really saw that it was making a difference.
Guest:But it sort of crept up.
Guest:And now I'm really, I love coming here because it's something as a comic you want to do.
Guest:You want to play it in theaters and have people come see you.
Marc:And let me ask you this, though.
Marc:Then when you go back to the States, is it weird?
Guest:Is it let down?
Guest:No, no, it's the same because for me, it's just like I understand how different markets work.
Guest:And when I'm in the States, I'll play in a comedy club, maybe 300 to 500 seat comedy club.
Guest:And there'll be a good, you know, 140, 150 people on a good night.
Guest:And just fucking do a good show and say, when the fuck can I get back to Australia?
LAUGHTER
Guest:but it's still fun it's still fun enjoy the work you know actually this summer I'm going around the states doing some clubs with some friends and it's just you know it's just still it's all work just different markets and different but was there an adjustment was there ever a point where like because I think I internalize it all I just assume because I'm American like I know that I don't have any kind of like colonialist or imperialist mindset because when I go to another country within three days I'm like they don't want me here
Marc:But was there ever this transition where you're like, oh, fuck, I'm an American, and I'm the enemy, and I need to go?
Guest:No, yeah, but the first gig I did in the UK, I actually, speaking of that, I cried after that one in the back room.
Guest:It was in a pub, and I just... Because when you start out, too, you care so much about each gig.
Guest:I mean, I still do, but you're really sensitive about a gig, and I tanked it, and I was crying.
Guest:And then I fixed up my set, and what fixed me in the UK was...
Guest:my opening joke would be look i'm american and as leaving your country there's certain things you'll never learn until you leave your own country the first one i learned is that just the fact that i'm american makes me a big fucking asshole and that alone that single joke it just made the whole set work for the rest of the tour now i know that's kind of a thing a lot of guys do they open up i'm american and i apologize and this and that yeah
Guest:And I don't do that.
Guest:But I don't think there's as much of an anti-American sentiment in Australia.
Marc:I didn't feel that at all.
Guest:I think there's a kinship to some extent.
Guest:I mean, our country is pretty silly in some ways.
Guest:It's ridiculous.
Guest:Because I read the news when I'm out here and I read about the birthers.
Guest:It's fucking ridiculous.
Guest:It's such a circus.
Marc:It's difficult.
Marc:I don't know what it is, but I performed in London, I performed in Ireland, I performed in Scotland.
Marc:And all of them...
Marc:after i've left i've said that's the fucking last time and but here i don't i don't have that feeling i found that the audiences here are sophisticated they appreciate things or they're uh they're warm and there's not that weird kind of national arrogance that just that holds up i mean i just i don't know what they've already paid oh because i have had enough of this to be honest with you
Marc:No, but it's true.
Marc:I felt very uncomfortable in all those other places.
Marc:But you find you don't have any problem in the other ones?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I mean, you know, I'm on my toes a little bit more.
Guest:Maybe I'm expecting to maybe get heckled more likely in the UK because I do think there's an American, let's see what they're going to do, vibe.
Guest:But, you know, if you just come out with some good jokes anywhere, and there's an audience, and you have some good jokes, it might work out.
Marc:I feel like you're trying to teach me something.
Marc:There was a moment there where you're looking at me like, Mark, maybe you should step up.
Guest:Consider your act.
Guest:It's not personal.
Guest:But see, the English will heck at you not to hate you, just to see if you've got balls.
Guest:It's like a little test, yeah.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:They'll heck at you.
Guest:They don't want you to die.
Guest:All they want you to do is beat them.
Guest:Then they'll love you more.
Guest:But what if you lose?
Guest:Well, then they fucking hate you.
Guest:Have you ever lost?
Guest:But that's great.
Guest:Oh, well, you know, I like English crowds.
Guest:They're brilliant.
Guest:They laugh at themselves.
Guest:And my Dutch mate, I was doing comedy in Amsterdam, and he goes, he's Dutch comedy.
Guest:He goes, it's a good thing about England.
Guest:He says, the MC can walk out.
Guest:and within one minute calls someone in the audience a cunt and everybody laughs.
Guest:Even the guy he calls a cunt.
Guest:But in Holland, you cannot all go out in one minute and call someone a cunt.
Guest:Was he from Holland or Transylvania?
Guest:This is my universal European accent.
Guest:I just have one for them all except the French.
Guest:You understand?
Marc:Is the Flight of the Conchords, is that over?
Marc:Yeah, it's over.
Guest:I believe so.
Marc:That got you some popularity in the States?
Guest:Yeah, that helped everywhere because it's popular here.
Marc:Where did you meet them?
Marc:Did you meet them here?
Guest:I met them here initially at this very festival seven or eight years ago and then got to know them a bit in Auckland after that.
Guest:There was a festival there.
Guest:And just became friends.
Guest:And I was really surprised when one day Jermaine, I think he texted me, said, hey, man, really low key approach.
Guest:We're making a TV show.
Guest:We want you to be in it.
Guest:I said, cool.
Guest:And it's not usually that easy because, you know, I'm sure, you know, auditioning is terrifying and I'm not very good at it.
Guest:although I did like many comics I've moved to LA I've lived there five years had done the acting classes and I think I had promised because I asked my acting teacher after a couple years I said tell me what you think you know I can take it he said Arge you're an unbelievable actor so I didn't I didn't really know what to make of that you know
Guest:I decided not to get clarification.
Guest:You just split?
Guest:I've actually seen Arjun.
Guest:I saw you in a British drama series.
Guest:You were great.
Guest:It was really cool.
Guest:It's funny.
Guest:I like seeing comics act.
Guest:And some can and some simply can't.
Guest:And it's not, you know, it doesn't make you better or worse.
Guest:But obviously I'm one who can.
Guest:It makes you a little bit better.
Guest:It does a little bit better.
Marc:Why do you think we can't?
Marc:Because I noticed that too.
Marc:And I think it's because some comics are so self-conscious they can't.
Marc:Like you can just see them sitting there going, is this coming out right?
Marc:It's not funny.
Marc:I don't know how to handle this.
Guest:Do you know what the other thing is?
Guest:Is that comedians hate actors.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Communities hate most things.
Guest:Yeah, that's true.
Guest:But actors are at the top of the list because they're, I don't know if because they're another performer, they're like, they feel like that's the only kind of, maybe apart from mime, the other art form that they're above.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Well, I think that like a lot of times when you go to audition, especially for a comedy and you spend like 20 years trying to get your own voice and you write your own jokes and then you go to audition and you're reading these things that are just like turds coming out of your mouth.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And you're literally like, I could write a better joke than that, and you want me to fucking be this guy?
Marc:I audition rarely.
Guest:But also, as a comedian, you get instant feedback.
Guest:So you're so used to knowing if you're doing well, because you're either getting laughs or you're not when you do your show.
Guest:But as an actor, the scene, it's building to something.
Guest:Yeah, you're part of the whole thing.
Guest:And it might be a little quieter than what you're used to as a comic.
Marc:Yeah, well, the type of comedy I do, I kind of rationalize and say, like, well, it's okay if it's just thoughtful.
Marc:See, and that's the kind of response you get.
Marc:That wouldn't be a satisfying laugh.
Marc:It's something.
Guest:It's anything, and I'll take it.
Guest:Do you write a new hour every year?
Guest:Well, I've been putting together a more or less new show every year, and I say more or less because it's been getting harder and harder.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Because I'll write X amount of new material, and then I'll have to find some stuff that I've never done here from way back, because I've been doing comedy for about 18 years.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And I have all the notebooks, and so I'll dig through them.
Guest:And this year, boy, I was scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to come out with some shit.
Yeah.
Guest:So thank you for anyone that said that.
Guest:At the end of the festival, huh?
Guest:But I've had four.
Guest:No, because this show came together.
Guest:And, you know, I'm sure everyone's got a different opinion.
Guest:But overall, I've got good feedback from it.
Guest:But it's really hard.
Guest:Yeah, so I try to have as new a show as I can every year.
Marc:But how far did you dig back?
Marc:Were you doing jokes about having a day job?
Marc:Like at work today.
Guest:I did actually put in a show.
Guest:One of the earliest jokes I wrote is in this year's show because I've never done it.
Guest:But as a better comic, just because you're better after doing a lot of years, I went back and I could make those jokes better.
Guest:Wasn't it like time travel?
Guest:A little bit, yeah.
Guest:What was the joke?
Guest:The joke was about working on the merry-go-round, which is true.
Guest:In high school, I ran a merry-go-round at the mall.
Marc:So you did do date job jokes?
Guest:Yeah, fuck yeah.
Guest:I'm telling you, I had to get what I could, so I have what I call the autobiographical section in the show.
Guest:Do you preface it like that?
Marc:And now the autobiographical section?
Guest:No, I end it with that.
Guest:I post-deficit with that.
Guest:I said, that's the autobiographical section.
Guest:I end it with a letter I wrote.
Guest:And what was the joke about the Ferris wheel?
Guest:Oh, it was just that I put the... I had to dress up like a cowboy.
Guest:You want me to do it?
Guest:I'm not about doing a fucking joke.
Guest:I put the kids... Well, most people think they're too cool, but this could be my closer.
Guest:You can bring the next guest on if you want.
Guest:Thanks for directing the show.
Marc:Hold on.
Marc:Let me make note of that.
Guest:No, I'm only saying that.
Guest:I'm only saying that.
Guest:Arch closing on Ferris wheel bit.
Guest:You listening, Mark?
Guest:You listening to how to do it?
Guest:I don't want to take up too much time.
Marc:Yeah, I've had about enough, too.
Guest:All right.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:All right.
Guest:I want to hear the job.
Marc:I'm kidding.
Guest:I'm kidding.
Guest:So I dressed up like a cowboy.
Guest:Instead of thinking I was too cool, I said, do a job, do it well.
Guest:And I would embrace it and get right into character.
Guest:Not only put the children on the horse and make sure they're safe, I would also make up a little story about each horse.
Guest:I'd be like, your horse's name is Rusty.
Guest:And Rusty used to be about, I guess he would have been about the fastest horse what was in the whole wide herd.
Guest:He sure was.
Guest:Until we drove a steel girder through his back and coated him with shellac.
Guest:Now Rusty works for us, and he runs just exactly as fast as all the other horses.
Guest:Now that's essentially an allegory for how your life is going to turn out.
Guest:You have a good day now, partner.
Guest:So that's a really old joke.
Guest:And if you want to make it a Steve Hughes joke, you just say, and that's what the New World Order does to all of us.
Guest:Because Rusty is really a shape-shifting reptilian.
Guest:By the way, on behalf of Steve, I believe in UFOs.
Guest:I believe in existence of advanced life forms that have definitely in all likelihood visited Earth.
Guest:I'm not ashamed of it.
Guest:And I'll go fucking heads with anybody.
Guest:What do you mean you go heads with anybody?
Guest:A lot of people say...
Guest:Where are they?
Guest:Why did they land on the White House lawn?
Guest:You hear that one, right?
Guest:You know what I say?
Guest:How can we predict the motives and the behaviors of a civilization that could be a million years advance of us to even contemplate that as like an ant trying to figure out why a human does what it does?
Guest:And somehow that's a valid argument?
Guest:Yeah, I don't know.
Guest:I don't get it either.
Marc:Let's go to the fair.
Marc:A great deal of speculation there, but I appreciate it.
Marc:Did you smoke pot today?
Guest:No, no, I'm not.
Guest:Arch Barker, ladies and gentlemen.
Guest:Great fleet on his way out.
Marc:All right.
Marc:Well, this next guy, you all know.
Marc:Well, I just met him recently and I'm excited to have him on the show.
Marc:Will Anderson, ladies and gentlemen.
Guest:Hey, buddy.
Guest:I was sitting backstage listening to the heckle and the C-word stories.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I just had one in particular that there's a place in St Kilda called the Espy, which used to be like a new comics room.
Guest:And there was this massive massacre called Port Arthur here in Australia, the greatest shooting they've ever had in Australia.
Guest:Between who?
Guest:It was one guy, this guy called Martin Bryan.
Guest:It's the greatest mass shooting in the history of the world, I think.
Guest:Is that right?
Guest:It's CIA mind control.
Guest:Sorry.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:I believe there was a conspiracy behind it.
Guest:Of course there is.
Guest:They disarm Australia from their firearms were offering fishing rods instead of guns.
Guest:See?
Guest:That's what they did in Tasmania.
Guest:Not in Sydney, they do in Tasmania.
Guest:It's kind of Australia that way.
Guest:Kill them all, get that.
Guest:Say it was a dumb surfer.
Guest:Next minute, go to Australia and go, give us your guns, we'll give you a black and bag of work, mate.
Guest:Everyone went, yeah, all right.
Guest:And back to Will.
Guest:And write the aspect.
Guest:This is good, though.
Guest:I like it.
Guest:Because it's like telling a story with, like, really paranoid footnotes.
LAUGHTER
Guest:So this guy Martin Bryant killed all these people and you know when comics you know there's a big thing and comics want to talk about it but do you know when it's too soon to go into like that edgy material and it's all new comics so there's not great judgment in the room and so this one comic did a bit about Port Arthur and this guy in the front row stood up and he said mate that is not appropriate my brother died at Port Arthur.
Guest:Everyone in the room obviously just went completely silent.
Guest:It was just a horrible moment because you can't come back from that.
Guest:Turned out at the break, this guy was just making that up to try to fuck up this guy's act, right?
Guest:Wow.
Guest:Didn't actually happen.
Guest:Later on in the second half of the show, someone is doing a routine that has the C word in it quite a lot and they're repeating it over and over and over again.
Guest:This voice has just come from the back of the room and gone, come on, mate, that's not fair.
Guest:My brother's a cunt.
LAUGHTER
Marc:Is that true?
Marc:Yeah, that's beautiful.
Marc:Well, there's that weird moment when it is too close, but you still want to do it.
Marc:I mean, I'm that kind of comic.
Marc:That's why I stayed sort of marginalized for a long time.
Marc:I was doing 9-11 jokes that afternoon, and it really was too soon.
Guest:I lived in a place called Canberra, and they had this big event.
Guest:They blew up the Royal Canberra Hospital.
Guest:Who did?
Guest:The government.
Guest:LAUGHTER
Guest:I was in the UK.
Guest:I didn't know what was going on.
Guest:You live in Canberra?
Guest:Yeah, I went to uni in Canberra.
Marc:Wait, somebody tell me what that's like.
Guest:Well, Canberra's like, you know, it's our capital city, but it's a man-made capital city, and it's just basically full of public services and politicians, and they've got nothing cool to do.
Guest:Wait, it's a man-made city?
What's that?
Marc:Not an organic city?
Marc:I'm just trying to get my head around it.
Marc:Like a fungus city that just grew out of the ground?
Guest:It wasn't planted, it was built.
Guest:But literally everything, including the lake in the middle of it, is like essentially just a giant swimming pool.
Guest:So it looks like an industrial park.
Guest:There's a lot of roundabouts, that's all you need to know.
Guest:Okay, got it.
Guest:And so basically the big event they had was they were blowing, like they were just destroying this Canberra hospital.
Guest:To build a new one or something.
Guest:Yeah, to build a new one.
Guest:Like 9-11, Steve.
Guest:Look at him swimming.
Guest:He's just waiting.
Guest:He's a coiled spring.
Guest:40,000 people came to watch this happen.
Guest:So something went wrong with it.
Guest:The organisers must have been wrapped, right?
Guest:40,000 people to watch them blow up a hospital.
Guest:This bit of rock has flown right across the river, hit this little girl.
Guest:And like, yeah, horrible, horrible, right?
Guest:But that day I was doing a gig...
Guest:And I just wanted to talk about it so badly because I could just imagine in the organisers' heads, they'd just be like, this is brilliant.
Guest:There's 40,000 people to watch us blow up a hospital.
Guest:This is going to be fantastic.
Guest:Bang.
Guest:Oh, shit.
Guest:Let's get us straight to the nearest... Ah, fuck.
LAUGHTER
Marc:but that was too soon so now you've been over we met in the states and i and i apologize for not remembering no that's all right yeah we met i we met in montreal okay that's right that's right and now when you go now because i know i've only met a few like i know uh jim jeffries i know brendan burns i know uh but it's difficult when you go over there no
Guest:yeah i guess so i mean for me i like i mean i i don't go with any sort of grand ambition yeah i just like doing gigs and yeah i love that idea of going to a place where like no one knows your name and no one knows like you kind of to see if you're any good you can go out and sort of go am i any good at this because like after a while you do it here and i've been lucky enough that like a bunch of people come and see my show that's why i go to the states too okay
Guest:Do you know what, though?
Guest:The number one conversation I have with comics when they find out I'm from Australia is like, is Arch Barker really a big star over there?
Guest:That's heart-breaking.
Marc:I'm sorry, Arch.
Marc:We're all amazed.
Guest:I don't mind.
Guest:I'm amazed, too, how well it's going.
Guest:I'm not precious about it at all.
Marc:You're getting help from the aliens.
LAUGHTER
Marc:But is there some sort of strategy you use as somebody coming in?
Marc:Because I don't even know how anyone makes it in show business in America.
Marc:I really don't, clearly.
Guest:They don't call it show business for a start.
Marc:Oh, yeah, they do.
Marc:I'm working out of my garage.
Marc:So generally, it's always tricky because there's no surefire way to do it.
Marc:But I mean, do you sort of exploit that you're Australian?
Marc:Do you do that?
Guest:Oh, yeah, definitely.
Guest:I mean, definitely exploit that you're Australian.
Guest:I mean, you might as well.
Guest:Because they know nothing and they like you.
Guest:That is the beautiful thing.
Guest:It was like Steve was saying about the UK.
Guest:If you walk out on stage, the UK is the only place I got booed before I got on stage.
Guest:Because they just went, our next act's from Australia.
Guest:And the audience were just like, boo!
Guest:I hate your country.
Guest:Whereas in America, they're like, yeah, brilliant, fantastic.
Marc:Yeah, someone new.
Guest:Yeah, they're really into it.
Guest:And I guess because the actors and stuff have done well over there, they're kind of excited.
Marc:Yeah, we got big Australian actors do well.
Guest:Although it's just the English.
Guest:They boo anyone that lives more than 10 yards from their front door.
Guest:What the fuck is your problem?
Guest:Manchester boos Liverpool.
Guest:You're from Liverpool.
Guest:It's only 20 yards in the road, mate, but they're like, well, it's not fucking here, is it?
Guest:They don't really hate them.
Guest:Americans have just got that optimism.
Guest:You walk on stage.
Guest:Obama was right when he said, yes, we can, because American audiences literally say, yes, we can, whereas Australian audiences are a little bit more like, bet you fucking can't.
Guest:Let's see if you can.
Guest:Are we allowed?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:In America, we don't care if you're from another country.
Guest:Just don't try to become president.
Marc:You son of a... Well, there seems to be... The jury is out on that one for some people with Obama as well.
Marc:But so when you go, are you coming back soon?
Guest:Yeah, I'm back on May 17.
Guest:I'm going to do some, like, full-length shows for the first time over there, which is going to be more interesting.
Guest:Because, like, doing seven-minute spots or, like, you know, 15-minute spots or whatever, that's kind of, you know, I've got enough stuff.
Guest:But you're amazed at how little stuff you have.
Guest:Because, I mean, I've been doing this, I've done 15 different shows here at the festival and you'd think I'd had stuff, right?
Guest:15 different shows.
Guest:Who the fuck do you?
Guest:But I went, I did a Christmas show over there and I had to work clean, no sex, no swearing, and I had seven minutes and I was padding.
Guest:I was like, once I took out my Aussie stuff and the swearing and the sex, I was like, fuck, I've got five and I can improv.
Guest:I'll walk slowly out to the microphone.
Guest:I set my timer.
Guest:It was seven.
Guest:A lot of knock-knock gags.
Guest:Can I ask you something honestly?
Guest:Steve Hughes, knock-knock gag.
Guest:Knock-knock, who's there?
Guest:Secret boys.
Marc:But let me ask you something honestly because I don't work the festival circuit.
Marc:I don't spend a lot of time over here.
Marc:Now, are all these shows genuine shows?
Marc:Because I know people put a lot of money into posters and a lot of money into pictures and naming things.
Guest:Now, are they all... I spent like $10,000 on my name this year.
Guest:What was it, 11?
Guest:One of the greatest name designers.
Marc:But I mean, are they always thematic shows?
Marc:Because I haven't seen a ton of shows.
Marc:But I mean, are they always unique shows?
Marc:Are they just stand-up or what?
Marc:I just do stand-up.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:I think a lot of them...
Guest:claim to be thematical, but then they'll probably do maybe some time dedicated to that theme.
Marc:Right.
Guest:But then the rest, it will be stand-up.
Guest:For me personally, I mainly just do stand-up shows.
Guest:I think, Will, I think you do a lot of themes.
Guest:Do you?
Guest:Look, I try to have some vague theme that's running through it, but I've always been of the opinion that themes are only really important if it's not funny.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:Like, if you make people laugh for, like, you know, 60 or 70 minutes, no one walks away and goes, it was really funny, but there wasn't enough themes.
Guest:Right.
Guest:He didn't honour the title of his show.
Guest:Except for reviewers.
Guest:They're the ones that get upset when it was just sad.
Guest:Actually, yes.
Guest:I had that.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:They get very unthemed out, don't they?
Guest:The first show that I did, I called it Felicity Ward's Ugly as a Child Variety Hour.
Guest:That was the name of it.
Guest:And in...
Guest:She paid a lot of money for that.
Guest:I paid a lot of money.
Guest:But there was a reviewer that said, look, it was mostly stand-up.
Guest:There was two songs and there was a game.
Guest:I don't know if I'd really call it variety.
Guest:I'm like, did you laugh?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Isn't that the only question?
Guest:Did you laugh like the whole time?
Guest:It didn't.
Guest:Two songs, stand-up and a dance.
Guest:You know what they say if you get a bad review?
Guest:You know what they say?
Guest:What?
Guest:That's what you tell a comedian when they're sad.
Guest:You say, hey, bad review today.
Guest:Tomorrow's fish and chips.
Marc:exactly but the problem that is i fucking love fish and chips yeah so it's like a double whammy it's like oh fish and chips oh i suck i'm a double bummer but like can you do a show like if i wanted like i didn't title my show this year but if i came back like if i could i do a show like i'm in trouble you know and that's the name of the show but then come back a year later and go i'm i'm in trouble again i mean can you do that whatever you like can you do the part two kind of thing
Guest:Yeah, it's very much like the Big Mama's House franchise.
Guest:Milking it for as long as you like.
Guest:I'm in trouble.
Marc:And now I'm in trouble with a wig.
Guest:I'm in trouble as a woman.
Guest:Well, Will Anderson, ladies and gentlemen.
Guest:Thank you so much.
Marc:Keep it going for Will Anderson, Arch Barker, Steve Hughes, Felicity Ward, Greg Fleet, Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
Marc:I'm so happy you came out.
Marc:I'm not even going to do a just coffee plug.
Marc:You guys are great.
Guest:Thanks for coming.
Guest:Oh, this is bad.