Episode 154 - Amy Schumer

Episode 154 • Released March 2, 2011 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Marc:Lock the gates!

00:00:07Marc:Are we doing this?

00:00:08Marc:Really?

00:00:08Marc:Wait for it.

00:00:09Marc:Are we doing this?

00:00:10Marc:Wait for it.

00:00:12Marc:Pow!

00:00:12Marc:What the fuck?

00:00:14Marc:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?

00:00:16Marc:What's wrong with me?

00:00:17Marc:It's time for WTF!

00:00:19Marc:What the fuck?

00:00:20Marc:With Mark Maron.

00:00:22What the fuck?

00:00:24Marc:Okay, let's do this.

00:00:25Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?

00:00:27Marc:What the fuck, buddies?

00:00:28Marc:What the fuck, ears?

00:00:28Marc:What the fuck, Knicks?

00:00:29Marc:What the fuck, Ricans?

00:00:30Marc:What the fuck, Canadians?

00:00:32Marc:Whatever the fuck you want to call yourself, it's all good.

00:00:35Marc:I'm into it.

00:00:35Marc:I can't list them all because there are hundreds.

00:00:38Marc:I am Marc Maron.

00:00:39Marc:This is WTF.

00:00:41Marc:I know you can tell from my voice.

00:00:42Marc:I'm trying to fix it.

00:00:43Marc:I'm a little scratchy.

00:00:44Marc:I'm a little stuffed up.

00:00:45Marc:I've neti-potted.

00:00:46Marc:I've run...

00:00:47Marc:Water, hot water from one nostril to the other.

00:00:51Marc:I've taken pills.

00:00:52Marc:I've sprayed shit into my head.

00:00:54Marc:I've done everything I can to try to deny the fact that I have congestion in my face.

00:01:00Marc:So bear with me and bear with me through this too, because we've got a little business to take care of, but I think this is going to be exciting for you.

00:01:07Marc:We've got some big news about the WTF archives.

00:01:10Marc:A lot of people who are new to WTF are asking, where can we get these old shows?

00:01:15Marc:These shows we read about, all these other shows that we can't get on the iTunes or on the server there.

00:01:20Marc:Well, now is your chance.

00:01:22Marc:For the month of March, our 99 cent app is available for free.

00:01:27Marc:Now, let me just tell you what you get.

00:01:28Marc:With the free app, you get instant access to the most recent episodes of WTF, and then you can upgrade your app to get all the past episodes of WTF and bonus content, which I'm thinking of creating right now.

00:01:42Marc:Some of you don't have iPhones.

00:01:44Marc:I understand.

00:01:44Marc:Some of you don't have Android phones.

00:01:46Marc:I get it.

00:01:46Marc:And you've been asking how you can get access to the archives.

00:01:49Marc:Well, now that is answered right here.

00:01:52Marc:We have a WTF premium account that allows you to stream all of the past episodes to your computer.

00:01:59Marc:How's that for you if you're sitting at work trying to look like you're working but don't want to listen to all the old WTFs?

00:02:05Marc:You can go to wtfpod.com, click on the Get the Podcast button, then click the No iTunes link, and you'll be taken to the premium sign-up page.

00:02:16Marc:And that means you'll be able to stream all of the content that you can get on the apps right at your computer.

00:02:22Marc:Dig it.

00:02:23Marc:And if you just want certain episodes, we're starting to get those up too.

00:02:28Marc:We've begun making those available.

00:02:29Marc:You can go to wtfpodshop.com or to iTunes to get our five bonus live WTS plus the Robin Williams episode and the two-part Carlos Mencia episode.

00:02:41Marc:So just search WTF Premium on iTunes and you'll find all of those episodes.

00:02:46Marc:Or you can go to wtfpodshop.com and make an account.

00:02:50Marc:So let me just recap.

00:02:52Marc:I apologize, but this is important information to fans of the show.

00:02:55Marc:The WTF app is free for the month of March.

00:02:58Marc:Once you get it, you can upgrade and get every past episode.

00:03:02Marc:Or you can get every past episode streaming on your desktop with the WTF premium account.

00:03:08Marc:And that means you go to WTFpod.com and click the Get Podcast, no iTunes.

00:03:14Marc:For individual episodes, go to WTFPodShop.com or search WTF Premium on iTunes.

00:03:19Marc:Now let's talk about me.

00:03:21Marc:I know a lot of people are talking about Charlie Sheen.

00:03:24Marc:Quite honestly, I have mixed feelings about it.

00:03:26Marc:I think it's a bit disturbing.

00:03:29Marc:It's a bit sad.

00:03:29Marc:I think that he is volunteering himself in what I see as a manic episode.

00:03:35Marc:to draw attention to himself, which is fine.

00:03:38Marc:And of course, the media is feeding on this because there's a frenzy around the excitement.

00:03:43Marc:But I feel bad because I know eventually whatever is happening with him, he's going to crash down.

00:03:48Marc:But I got to be honest with you, having grown up with a manic in my life, I envy the clarity and excitement Mr. Sheen is feeling as he completely disintegrates everything around him.

00:04:00Marc:You know, whatever power he has, whatever he's winning, whatever Adonis DNA he might have, whatever wizardry he is summoning at this point, he is using it to destroy everything around him and celebrate it with a type of confidence that can only come from just unmedicated, pure mania.

00:04:19Marc:And I tell you, man, that is the best fucking high available.

00:04:24Marc:Utterly destructive.

00:04:25Marc:Does not need any provocation from substances.

00:04:28Marc:Just a natural turning of the tide of the brain chemistry.

00:04:32Marc:And oh my God, where's my fucking cape?

00:04:35Marc:Where's my cape?

00:04:36Marc:Because I could fly.

00:04:37Marc:I could do anything.

00:04:39Marc:He's like Icarus.

00:04:41Marc:Charlie Sheen is the modern tale of Icarus.

00:04:45Marc:Wings crafted by his father.

00:04:47Marc:that he flies to get out of Crete, to get out of everything.

00:04:52Marc:Charlie Sheen will get too close to the sun.

00:04:56Marc:And I don't see this story as ending any other way, but in a sad way, one way or the other.

00:05:02Marc:My heart goes out to him.

00:05:03Marc:I know that he would step on it and spit on it and say, I don't fucking need your heart right now.

00:05:07Marc:God damn it.

00:05:07Marc:I am winning.

00:05:09Marc:But my heart goes out to him.

00:05:11Marc:We've got Amy Schumer on the show today, which is excellent.

00:05:14Marc:She's charming.

00:05:15Marc:She's lovely.

00:05:15Marc:She's pretty.

00:05:16Marc:And she's fucking hilarious.

00:05:18Marc:And it was great to talk to her.

00:05:21Marc:Now, obviously, I've got a little bit of a cold.

00:05:23Marc:And obviously, that means I had to go into the drawer where all the medicine was.

00:05:26Marc:That's what I did.

00:05:27Marc:I went to the drawer where all the medicine was.

00:05:29Marc:Now, I don't know who you are, but who I am is a guy that keeps medicine clearly for much longer than it is supposed to be kept.

00:05:36Marc:I'm going through boxes of medicine that is dated, expired in 2003.

00:05:41Marc:Are you fucking kidding me?

00:05:43Marc:And here was the saddest part about me going through medicine.

00:05:45Marc:Because part of me thinks, like, how bad could it get?

00:05:47Marc:What's going to happen to it?

00:05:48Marc:It doesn't get moldy.

00:05:49Marc:It doesn't, you know, what's it going to do?

00:05:51Marc:Is it going to be antithetical to medicine?

00:05:52Marc:Am I going to take it?

00:05:53Marc:Is my cold going to get worse?

00:05:54Marc:I don't fucking know.

00:05:56Marc:But then someone told me that what happens is it loses its effectiveness.

00:06:00Marc:Now, the weird part about this medicine drawer...

00:06:05Marc:is that I haven't really cleaned up a lot of shit since my divorce.

00:06:10Marc:Now, I know I haven't been talking about this much, and I know that people say, dude, you should be over it.

00:06:17Marc:Dude, there's a time limit to this.

00:06:19Marc:Well, I got an answer to you, dude.

00:06:21Marc:Look, fucking broken heart is a life-defining thing.

00:06:25Marc:And, you know, it goes when it goes.

00:06:26Marc:It happens when it happens.

00:06:27Marc:Sometimes you're not willing to let go of shit.

00:06:29Marc:Now, obviously, I've gotten through a lot of it, but I was surprised at the emotions that were drawn out of me going through the medicine drawer.

00:06:37Marc:I mean, Jesus fucking Christ.

00:06:39Marc:I could understand if I was going through a photo album and go, oh, that's us there and that's us here.

00:06:44Guest:Look, this is us fighting right after that fight there.

00:06:46Guest:This is right after I yelled at her here.

00:06:48Guest:But I'm going through the medicine drawer.

00:06:50Marc:And I found, I don't even know why I bought it or who bought it, but it's Senecott.

00:06:57Marc:It's a laxative.

00:06:58Marc:You guys know that.

00:07:00Marc:But it's in Spanish.

00:07:01Marc:So it says, Laxante Natural de Origen Vegetal.

00:07:07Marc:Natural laxative from vegetable origin.

00:07:10Marc:But it's in Spanish.

00:07:12Guest:And then I thought like, oh, we went on the trip to Oaxaca.

00:07:18Guest:And we bought the laxatives because the food was fucking us up so badly, and it was such a difficult time.

00:07:25Guest:But look, that's from our trip.

00:07:26Guest:This is a souvenir from our trip.

00:07:28Guest:I can't throw this laxative away because this was when we had that mole and ate grasshoppers, and we were in bed for three hours because all we wanted to do was shit to get it out of us.

00:07:38Guest:I think, even if it's no good, I should put it in my memento box, the Mexican laxative package.

00:07:45Marc:How ridiculous is that?

00:07:47Marc:There were medicines, all this Claritin and Benadryl because she was allergic to cats.

00:07:57Marc:Oh, this is fucking hard for me to admit.

00:08:01Marc:Poor woman was allergic to cats.

00:08:03Marc:She loved our cats, but she was allergic to them.

00:08:05Marc:So she was constantly taking these pills and sneezing in bed.

00:08:08Marc:And fucking genius here.

00:08:09Marc:I was like, are you going to be okay?

00:08:10Marc:I mean, what are we supposed to do?

00:08:12Marc:Get rid of the cats?

00:08:15Marc:That was just unheard of to me.

00:08:17Marc:What an insensitive asshole.

00:08:18Marc:The memories I have of a sneezing, miserable wife and being constipated in Mexico.

00:08:26Marc:Let me just sit and reflect.

00:08:35Marc:No, I just wanted to know that I woke up a little late.

00:08:40Marc:I didn't shower.

00:08:41Guest:Okay.

00:08:42Marc:And I'm filthy.

00:08:44Guest:Okay.

00:08:45Guest:You look filthy.

00:08:46Guest:I know.

00:08:46Guest:But ironically filthy.

00:08:48Marc:Oh, good.

00:08:49Marc:So not classically filthy?

00:08:50Guest:But this place is so beautiful.

00:08:52Guest:It looks like you were doing some wood shopping or something.

00:08:57Marc:Why do I just say that?

00:08:58Marc:Like a craft.

00:08:58Marc:Well, that's my neighbor.

00:08:59Marc:My neighbor will be lucky if we get through this interview and he doesn't start chopping something.

00:09:03Guest:Oh, okay.

00:09:04Guest:Okay.

00:09:05Marc:So wait, now, you don't have friends?

00:09:07Guest:I've got a couple friends.

00:09:10Marc:Oh.

00:09:12Guest:But not a lot.

00:09:13Guest:It's really hard to hold on to friends.

00:09:15Marc:It is?

00:09:16Guest:Yeah, well, for me, it is.

00:09:18Marc:I'm not gonna ask you how old you are, but I... I'm 29.

00:09:21Marc:You're 29.

00:09:21Guest:Yeah, that's such a way to ask.

00:09:23Guest:It's like, and if she answers, okay, if not, it'll just be a moment of weirdness.

00:09:27Marc:What area of age are you in?

00:09:28Guest:I'm not gonna say, but what year were you born?

00:09:30Marc:Yeah.

00:09:31Marc:I don't know.

00:09:34Marc:I have two friends, maybe three.

00:09:36Guest:Okay.

00:09:37Guest:Do you?

00:09:37Guest:That's a lot.

00:09:39Marc:Holding on to friends, what are you supposed to do?

00:09:41Marc:Is there a way to do it?

00:09:43Guest:I haven't figured it out.

00:09:45Guest:I've got friends from high school that will still meet up if somebody has a baby, but what's better than comedy to get out of that shit?

00:09:53Guest:Sure.

00:09:54Guest:I'm like, I just cannot lose the money, even if it's like

00:09:57Marc:But when you go to see your friend's babies, don't you go over and just be like, well, this is what you'll be doing.

00:10:02Marc:Thanks for.

00:10:03Marc:I don't I don't know how to I. You know, it's weird.

00:10:06Guest:I am.

00:10:08Guest:I feel more of a connection to it now.

00:10:10Guest:Like my friends used to just like most of my friends have at some point terminated a pregnancy.

00:10:15Guest:So, or like one of my friends had a baby because like she sort of had to.

00:10:20Guest:You know, it was like, you can't keep fucking doing this.

00:10:24Guest:So she had it, but we were like 23.

00:10:26Guest:And so we, you know, for around the country, that's like a totally normal age.

00:10:31Guest:To have a baby?

00:10:32Guest:That's like a late age to have a baby.

00:10:33Guest:23?

00:10:33Guest:23.

00:10:34Guest:And like, if you're in like North Carolina, they're like, why'd you wait so long?

00:10:37Guest:But in New York, it's like, oh my God.

00:10:40Guest:What do you do?

00:10:41Guest:Like teen mom.

00:10:42Guest:Yeah.

00:10:43Guest:But, um...

00:10:44Guest:But so like we were all like, oh, like at the baby shower, it was all just kind of like pain smiles.

00:10:50Guest:Oh, man.

00:10:50Guest:But now my friends are starting to have kids and, you know, we're almost 30.

00:10:53Guest:So it's like it's like we're I'm genuinely excited.

00:10:56Guest:One of my friends is having a kid.

00:10:58Guest:I'm like, I can't wait.

00:10:58Guest:So it's a totally different vibe.

00:11:00Guest:Right in that girl's face, though.

00:11:02Guest:You know, it's like, remember when you had a baby and we were all like, oh, you're Hester Prynne.

00:11:06Guest:And now we're excited for each other.

00:11:09Guest:Did she turn out all right, that kid?

00:11:11Guest:Yeah, she's fine.

00:11:12Guest:Everybody's great.

00:11:14Guest:It wound up being great.

00:11:15Guest:But at the time, it was just like, oh my God.

00:11:18Marc:People have babies all the time.

00:11:19Guest:All the time.

00:11:20Marc:It just happens.

00:11:22Marc:The woman next door, she's having one.

00:11:23Marc:She's got to be almost 40.

00:11:25Guest:I don't get it.

00:11:26Guest:Like, I don't understand how people get pregnant by accident.

00:11:29Guest:Like, I'm a piece of shit.

00:11:30Guest:I mess up.

00:11:31Guest:But birth control is not something.

00:11:32Marc:Can we explore that a little bit?

00:11:34Marc:I'm a piece of shit.

00:11:35Marc:I mess up.

00:11:35Marc:Oh, so you're going to go into a birth.

00:11:37Marc:You're not going to be like, I just fuck anybody.

00:11:39Guest:No, no, no.

00:11:40Guest:I've got holes and I use them.

00:11:41Guest:No, I'm like, I'm just like, but birth control, I've never messed around with.

00:11:46Guest:I'm like, I'm on antibiotics.

00:11:48Guest:You're going to have to come somewhere else.

00:11:50Marc:Yeah.

00:11:51Guest:Sorry this started off so dirty, I didn't mean for it to.

00:11:54Marc:No, I don't mind dirty.

00:11:55Guest:It's just truth, though.

00:11:56Marc:I don't think we get dirty enough on this show sometimes.

00:11:59Marc:I mean, sometimes I think we avoid the dirty.

00:12:01Guest:Yeah.

00:12:01Marc:But you used to host a show with Jim Norton, and it's funny, because I've had Peretti on here,

00:12:07Marc:who used to date Jim Norton way back when.

00:12:09Marc:Oh, she's the greatest.

00:12:11Marc:But she's very careful to say, no, he didn't pee on me.

00:12:15Marc:If you have any proximity to Jim Norton as a woman, you have to sort of qualify it.

00:12:20Marc:I'm not part of the thing he does.

00:12:22Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:24Guest:I would guess that I don't know that Jim is famous for peeing on people.

00:12:29Guest:I didn't know that.

00:12:29Marc:I think he likes to be peeing on.

00:12:30Guest:Oh, he likes to be peeing on.

00:12:31Guest:Okay.

00:12:32Guest:Well, that's so much easier to take.

00:12:34Guest:You're going to go anyway.

00:12:35Marc:I talked to a woman the other night that was sort of like she was actually wishing that she would have gotten into the business of peeing on people because it seems easy and good money.

00:12:45Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:12:45Marc:But it seems a little, I don't know.

00:12:46Marc:Then you got to be that person.

00:12:48Guest:I don't know.

00:12:49Guest:I could pee on someone.

00:12:50Guest:I could see it.

00:12:53Marc:But could you do it without laughing?

00:12:55Guest:No, probably not.

00:12:56Guest:It's hard to do a lot of things without laughing.

00:12:58Marc:I was just so fucking impressed that night where you came out and did that live show just spontaneously after fucking a tell and you didn't even think twice.

00:13:06Guest:Thank you.

00:13:07Marc:And you kicked ass.

00:13:08Guest:Had I known I was going to have to go out there after Attell brought that fucking roof down, I would have killed myself.

00:13:13Marc:He brought everybody down.

00:13:16Marc:Like in a funny way.

00:13:17Marc:I didn't mean sadly.

00:13:18Guest:Oh no, he was on fire that night.

00:13:20Marc:He was like bordering on insane.

00:13:22Guest:And it's so funny because he can't feel.

00:13:23Guest:yeah so you're like oh my god the crowd like the crowd is exploding yeah he's just like his heart rate wasn't even raised but i was in the back getting drunk yeah and i just didn't even think the smallest part of me that i was gonna go out on stage and then i heard him say well we should get the woman perspective or something and i go oh he's he's this is about me and they're like let's get her out here and i was like slurring into the microphone but

00:13:48Marc:But did you get that fear, though?

00:13:49Marc:Because, I mean, when I was starting out, even now, I think if Attell brought me out after that, I'd be like, oh, fuck.

00:13:54Guest:Yeah, I was drunk enough and did not have time to think about it.

00:13:59Guest:But in retrospect, I'm like, oh, that could not have gone down better for me that I didn't know I was going to go on stage.

00:14:04Guest:Had I known I was going out after him, I would have.

00:14:06Marc:Because he was like out of his mind.

00:14:07Marc:It was great.

00:14:08Marc:It was.

00:14:08Marc:And then he got to that point where he gets to a point where he's leveled everybody and everyone's laughing.

00:14:12Marc:Then he goes, come on.

00:14:13Marc:I thought we were talking.

00:14:15Marc:I can't.

00:14:16Marc:What am I supposed to do now that I'm not going to?

00:14:18Marc:I literally thought that if I don't get if someone doesn't come out here sooner, I don't end this.

00:14:22Marc:I'm going to get hurt.

00:14:23Guest:Yes.

00:14:23Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:14:24Guest:Emotionally hurt.

00:14:25Marc:He's going to go after me in the deep, dark way.

00:14:27Guest:Yeah.

00:14:28Guest:He can't even help it.

00:14:28Guest:He started to.

00:14:29Guest:I mean, hilariously.

00:14:31Guest:I know.

00:14:32Guest:What did he say?

00:14:32Guest:Things shit my dad never said.

00:14:35Guest:That was killer.

00:14:37Guest:Well, the way I worked with Norton and him is I opened for them on the road a bunch.

00:14:41Guest:You did.

00:14:42Guest:Yeah.

00:14:42Guest:So, like, the thought that I would ever have to go on stage after either of them, I would just rather become a puddle on the floor.

00:14:49Marc:Right, but also you knew him, and they obviously like you.

00:14:53Guest:Yeah.

00:14:54Marc:And Natal, I don't know if you know this, he said, give my money to you.

00:14:58Guest:No, really?

00:14:59Marc:Yeah, because you weren't on the bill, and he was like, just give it to Amy.

00:15:02Guest:Thank you.

00:15:03Guest:Yeah.

00:15:03Guest:Thanks, Dave.

00:15:04Guest:He's very sweet guy.

00:15:05Guest:He is the coolest, greatest dude, and he's my favorite comedian.

00:15:08Guest:Yeah.

00:15:09Guest:Like, to get to work with your favorite comic, God.

00:15:11Marc:But how did you find your way like and I don't I don't really want to put it this way, but but I mean, you know, it is more difficult for women to sort of transcend in this business and have their own voice.

00:15:21Marc:And you seem to have done it and you do it in a way that I mean, you're a real club comic.

00:15:26Marc:A lot of people choose the precious sort of like I'm alternative.

00:15:29Guest:I know.

00:15:30Guest:Well, I mean, the grass is always greener.

00:15:33Guest:I'm always trying to eke my way into UCB.

00:15:35Guest:Really?

00:15:36Guest:Yeah.

00:15:36Guest:I've done Comedy Death Ray a couple times.

00:15:38Marc:It went well, right?

00:15:39Guest:It went well.

00:15:40Guest:Yeah.

00:15:40Guest:I'm so afraid of those places.

00:15:42Guest:You know, I'm just like, oh, they just want people who are cool.

00:15:44Guest:They hate jokes.

00:15:45Guest:And then I've gone in and they've been really, really cool to me.

00:15:49Guest:Yeah.

00:15:50Guest:But yeah.

00:15:51Guest:They actually like jokes.

00:15:52Marc:Yeah.

00:15:52Guest:they do they just don't know that they they have this attitude that isn't founded in anything but i've noticed when someone goes in there and does jokes they're like oh yeah set a punchline that's okay they do that they're not above it they like funny yeah exactly yeah exactly but yeah i'm always just but i go in there angry and i'm like these fucking kids and then i have a good experience and i'm like they know what's going on in there they get it yeah they like comedy yeah so how did you come up though i mean when did you start

00:16:18Guest:I started about six and a half years ago.

00:16:22Marc:So you're doing really good in terms of timelines, in terms of people's idea of what the trajectory should be.

00:16:29Guest:I guess, yeah.

00:16:31Guest:There's no part of me that there's no bitterness.

00:16:33Guest:I'm not like, why haven't I gotten this yet?

00:16:35Guest:It's been good.

00:16:36Guest:But I don't know.

00:16:39Guest:It's like anything else.

00:16:40Guest:I feel good when I've written some new stuff.

00:16:43Guest:And when I haven't, I feel like, oh, all is lost.

00:16:46Guest:I'll never get on stage again.

00:16:47Guest:But what made you do it?

00:16:48Marc:You're just a kid and you're growing up where?

00:16:50Guest:I grew up on Long Island.

00:16:52Marc:Nice family.

00:16:53Guest:Yeah, same town as Attal.

00:16:55Marc:Really?

00:16:55Guest:Yeah, his mom, it's so weird, we didn't even realize this until two years ago, but his mom used to take care of me after school.

00:17:02Guest:Stop it.

00:17:02Guest:Not kidding.

00:17:03Guest:Come on.

00:17:03Guest:Me and my sister were latchkey kids.

00:17:05Guest:Isn't that the weirdest?

00:17:05Guest:But we never saw Dave.

00:17:07Guest:I didn't, like, you know, there was no interaction until...

00:17:10Guest:His mom came and saw it.

00:17:11Guest:We were both performing at Central Park Summer Stage.

00:17:13Guest:Yeah.

00:17:14Guest:And his sister was there, and she was like, Amy?

00:17:17Guest:And I was like, she was like, I used to babysit you.

00:17:19Guest:And it was very surreal.

00:17:20Guest:A tell sister used to babysit you?

00:17:22Guest:A tell sister, mm-hmm.

00:17:23Marc:And you didn't make this connection until- How weird is that?

00:17:26Guest:Until a couple years ago.

00:17:26Marc:And he's your favorite comic.

00:17:27Guest:I know, yeah.

00:17:28Marc:And he gave his money to you.

00:17:29Marc:So you got some of that money back from the babysitting.

00:17:31Guest:I'm scared.

00:17:32Guest:Now I owe him something.

00:17:33Guest:No, you don't owe him anything.

00:17:34Guest:No.

00:17:35Guest:But he's so funny because like, well, you know, I'll open for him.

00:17:38Guest:Like we were, I was opening for him in Irvine.

00:17:41Guest:And there are all these, he hosted the porn awards one year.

00:17:44Guest:So it was like all these porn actors, these famous people.

00:17:47Guest:He was like pointing them out.

00:17:48Guest:He's like, oh, that guy has AIDS.

00:17:49Guest:You know, he's like going around pointing out, oh, that guy's the hugest dick you've ever seen.

00:17:53Guest:So after the show there, he was like, let's go to Cheesecake Factory after the show.

00:17:56Guest:And I'm like, okay.

00:17:58Guest:And then these porn, these hot porn actresses come up to him and they're just like, hey, we're going to like a party.

00:18:04Guest:And he's like, oh no, we gotta go to Cheesecake Factory.

00:18:06Guest:And I was like, are you serious?

00:18:07Guest:Like we're still going to Cheesecake Factory.

00:18:09Guest:And then we're just sitting there, sad cheesecake and tea.

00:18:12Marc:But we choose that.

00:18:13Guest:I know.

00:18:13Marc:It's that thing we were talking about at the beginning.

00:18:16Marc:There are times where it takes a lot of... It doesn't sound fun to me to be in a room full of people I don't know where I don't have some sense of control of it.

00:18:24Marc:Because I think immediately we turn into what we really are, which is like, I don't want to... A recluse.

00:18:29Guest:Yeah, kind of.

00:18:30Guest:Oh, my God.

00:18:31Guest:I just recorded a CD.

00:18:33Guest:I'm not going to go stand out there and sell these.

00:18:35Guest:I don't want to interact.

00:18:37Marc:Yeah, you should get over that.

00:18:38Marc:I know, I don't hate money, but I hate like... Well, it took me a while to even watch myself on television.

00:18:44Guest:Oh, yeah?

00:18:45Guest:Yeah, a couple weeks.

00:18:46Guest:I used to like it.

00:18:46Guest:I used to be like, oh, good job.

00:18:48Guest:And now I'm like, who am I?

00:18:49Guest:What have I become?

00:18:50Guest:What is this monster?

00:18:51Guest:I don't even know this girl.

00:18:53Marc:Why?

00:18:53Marc:What is it that you do that makes you think that?

00:18:56Marc:Have you become too filthy?

00:18:57Guest:I saw a, no, no, not at all.

00:18:59Guest:Not for me.

00:19:00Guest:I saw a bunch of, I used to do bringers at Gotham in New York.

00:19:03Guest:Like I started out, you know, you'd have to bring crowd to get on stage.

00:19:07Guest:And so my first shows were in front of real audience.

00:19:09Guest:So I didn't do an open mic for a couple of months.

00:19:12Guest:And then I went to an open mic, like doing my material, like here I go, another killer set.

00:19:16Guest:No, like everyone hated me.

00:19:18Marc:So you didn't have a room full of friends?

00:19:19Guest:No, they were just like, boo, yeah.

00:19:21Guest:It wasn't like the people who love me unconditionally in the crowd.

00:19:25Guest:So I would get a tape after The Bringer, but I didn't have a VCR, so I would go to Best Buy, and I would put it on display, watch it with a notebook.

00:19:34Guest:So I would see myself once a month,

00:19:36Guest:So it's like gradual changing.

00:19:38Guest:It's like gaining weight.

00:19:38Guest:I didn't notice because I was seeing it so often.

00:19:40Guest:And then I didn't see myself from Last Comic Standing until I got to do Jimmy Fallon.

00:19:47Guest:And so it had been years.

00:19:47Guest:And I saw that air and I was a little stoned.

00:19:50Guest:And I was wearing this dress and polka dots.

00:19:52Guest:And I was like, who is this fucking clown monster?

00:19:56Guest:I hate myself.

00:19:58Guest:And then I watched it the next day and I was like, oh, that was fine.

00:20:01Guest:That was OK.

00:20:02Guest:But no more weed before watching myself ever.

00:20:05Marc:Yeah, that moment where you're like, why did I wear that?

00:20:09Guest:Yes.

00:20:09Marc:That's the worst.

00:20:10Guest:And I'm like, I am a club comic.

00:20:13Guest:I'm on the road a lot.

00:20:14Guest:So I feel like if you start doing too well on the road, it's not good.

00:20:17Guest:It means you're doing something wrong.

00:20:19Guest:Maybe.

00:20:20Guest:But the timing and the whatever, I've become a comedian.

00:20:24Guest:You can feel it.

00:20:25Guest:I can feel it, and I could see it.

00:20:27Guest:And there was something that seemed a little bit dishonest about it to me.

00:20:30Guest:That you knew the trick.

00:20:34Guest:Yeah.

00:20:35Guest:Right.

00:20:35Guest:Yeah.

00:20:35Guest:Which is why I love your stand up.

00:20:37Guest:And I like that's so appealing to me.

00:20:40Marc:I still haven't learned the trick.

00:20:41Guest:But that's good.

00:20:42Guest:Like if I if I could find any sort of consistency because I'll have some sets where I'm just really honest and talking.

00:20:49Guest:Yeah.

00:20:50Guest:And maybe it goes well and maybe it's just a little therapeutic for me.

00:20:52Guest:Yeah.

00:20:53Guest:But but I'm used to and need that that Pavlov like, you know, our urge response.

00:20:59Guest:I need like the laugh at the end of my sentence.

00:21:01Marc:Well, that's the difference between, you know, I mean, some dudes like, you know, I could tell has always been a joke writer.

00:21:05Marc:I mean, you know, write jokes or like I I never found a lot of satisfaction with that.

00:21:10Marc:I mean, I think what happens to me is I evolve jokes out of talking.

00:21:13Marc:I mean, I know what my jokes are.

00:21:14Guest:Right.

00:21:14Marc:You know, I know, you know, where I expect the laugh, but they're not a format thing.

00:21:18Marc:But some people who know how to write jokes, they're like, this will provide me protection and laughter.

00:21:23Guest:Oh, that's me.

00:21:25Guest:Yeah, that is me.

00:21:26Guest:But it's but that's a but like see it tells my favorite comic.

00:21:29Guest:Yeah, but I but watching you or watching Louie.

00:21:33Guest:Yeah, is like so refreshing to me.

00:21:35Guest:And I love those like, oh, my God, that's so true.

00:21:38Guest:And I've never heard anyone say that.

00:21:39Guest:Yeah, you know, yeah.

00:21:40Guest:And I love that.

00:21:42Guest:That's my favorite stand up to see.

00:21:44Guest:But it's hell.

00:21:44Guest:It's like I just it's amazing how he'll go on stage at the cellar wearing

00:21:48Guest:a hood under a hat like he basically has a ski mask on he looks like newly homeless but he just and he'll have no connection to the words he's saying but still just kill like the crowd does not need him to like himself isn't that interesting some guy told me like I can't remember who the hell it was

00:22:06Marc:Like I was talking about that early on in my career where I thought that, you know, I was doing something self revelatory that like like, you know, I have a point of view and I'm trying to express who I am.

00:22:16Marc:And I compared like a tell to as a guy that I think was actually Jon Stewart, you know, who like he just does jokes.

00:22:22Marc:And so it was like you can see exactly who a tell is.

00:22:25Marc:I mean, you know, like like even though he's doing this type of comedy, he's doing what you like because, you know, you know, he's that guy.

00:22:31Marc:There's just something about his stage persona and how much like he you can see everything about it.

00:22:36Guest:You're right.

00:22:37Guest:You're totally right.

00:22:38Marc:You can see his sensitivity.

00:22:39Marc:You can see his sadness.

00:22:40Marc:It all comes through in those fucking jokes.

00:22:42Marc:Like the fact that he is incapable of really talking.

00:22:46Marc:He's barely capable of talking about himself when you're just sitting with him.

00:22:49Guest:Oh, no.

00:22:50Guest:He'll deflect all over the place.

00:22:51Marc:Yeah, but it all comes out in that comedy.

00:22:53Guest:That's so interesting.

00:22:54Guest:I never thought about that.

00:22:55Guest:Yeah, that's true.

00:22:57Guest:He's sort of masked with these jokes, but the crowd loves him.

00:23:01Guest:Oh, that's right.

00:23:01Guest:They love the guy they can see.

00:23:02Guest:You're right.

00:23:02Marc:And you really get a feeling of who he is.

00:23:04Marc:And it's so weird because my stand-up- And you never leave saying, that guy's a happy guy when he leaves his day.

00:23:09Guest:And you're never like, what a racist... No.

00:23:12Guest:Because you know it's... Yeah.

00:23:13Guest:No.

00:23:13Guest:But I think about that with... The stuff I do on stage, it's a lot of, like, saying... Not the worst thing I can think of, but stuff that I think is funny.

00:23:21Guest:But that, you know, it sets me up to be just, like, kind of this racist whore.

00:23:25Guest:And then after the show, I'm always shocked.

00:23:27Guest:People are like, can I hug you?

00:23:28Guest:Yeah.

00:23:29Guest:And I'm like, you want to hug me?

00:23:31Guest:Like, what... And I will have, like, kind of gotten into it with a couple audience members.

00:23:35Guest:And I guess... I hope it's that that's the thing.

00:23:38Guest:It's like they can tell...

00:23:39Guest:they can see that I'm just like a little girl who needs to be hugged.

00:23:42Marc:It's all big cry for help.

00:23:44Guest:Yeah.

00:23:44Marc:Is that the name of your new CD?

00:23:45Guest:Yeah.

00:23:46Guest:Cry for help?

00:23:47Guest:Maybe, no.

00:23:48Guest:It's cutting.

00:23:49Guest:Yeah.

00:23:50Marc:Is that what it's called?

00:23:52Guest:Cutting.

00:23:52Guest:Cutting?

00:23:52Marc:Yeah.

00:23:53Marc:Based on?

00:23:55Guest:Based on cutting.

00:23:58Guest:Really?

00:23:58Marc:Yeah.

00:23:58Marc:Were you a cutter?

00:23:59Guest:No.

00:24:03No.

00:24:03Marc:I like it as a metaphor for stand-up.

00:24:05Guest:It's a bunch of different things, but it's really meaningful to me.

00:24:08Guest:And it's the way I've been closing on stage.

00:24:10Guest:Which is what?

00:24:11Guest:Which is I say, I'm going to leave you with this.

00:24:14Guest:My sister, my little sister, used to cut herself.

00:24:20Guest:That's it.

00:24:20Guest:And then I put the mic in the stand and I walk off stage.

00:24:23Guest:And the crowd's just like... And, like, they've laughed every time.

00:24:26Guest:And, you know, I've been up there for, like, 45 minutes so they know, like, I'm sick.

00:24:29Guest:So they're waiting for the... And then they realize, oh, no, that's it.

00:24:33Guest:And it's gone well except one time I closed like that at Gotham and they were all just like...

00:24:37Marc:where's when is she coming back up here even like william stevenson's closing the show and they're just like why where's amy right you just leave it hanging yeah i mean so like okay well i've had this conversation with uh you know people that i i now i'm forced into this conversation because of what happened with um with gallagher but uh

00:24:58Guest:I heard the intro to that.

00:24:59Guest:I haven't heard the episode yet, but it's like I had to stop listening when he was just about to come out.

00:25:05Marc:I'm over that.

00:25:08Marc:I certainly have no problem with anything that anybody says.

00:25:10Marc:But really the difference is owning it and knowing that whatever you're doing is not coming from a place of hate, but it's coming from a place of disarming something.

00:25:19Guest:Totally.

00:25:19Marc:But then there are people that refuse to own it and deny it, and yet they still do it, and then you've got to question their integrity.

00:25:25Guest:Well, when you like when you said people who don't own it, I think somebody out there who's saying it and it's kind of like, is that OK with you guys?

00:25:31Guest:Is that what you mean?

00:25:32Marc:No, I mean, in the sense that, you know, what kind of jokes you do.

00:25:35Guest:Yeah.

00:25:36Marc:And you do them to sort of, you know, disarm discomfort.

00:25:39Guest:Yes.

00:25:39Marc:But I think that some people genuinely are fucking racist homophobes from a bad.

00:25:44Guest:Yes.

00:25:44Marc:And when they do it, if they do it, most people who do that kind of jokes, they do it across the board.

00:25:49Guest:Right.

00:25:50Marc:It's not like there's not three jokes about black people.

00:25:52Guest:They throw in there like a lot of N-bombs.

00:25:53Marc:Right, right.

00:25:55Marc:There's not three jokes about black people.

00:25:56Guest:But then that raises the question of Nick DiPaolo.

00:25:59Guest:Nick is genuinely racist.

00:26:02Guest:He's genuinely Republican racist, but I love watching him on stage.

00:26:08Marc:Because he'll own it.

00:26:09Guest:Yeah, because he lives it, but he owns it for real.

00:26:12Marc:Yeah, and I mean, and it is uncomfortable, but it is real.

00:26:15Marc:That was, I mean, that was like some of the great stuff about Tough Crowd is that you can indulge these things.

00:26:19Marc:Now, certainly a lot of people would think he was wrong, and he may very well be wrong, but he's saying like, fuck you, this is how I think.

00:26:27Guest:This is, yes.

00:26:28Marc:so you gotta you gotta give him props for that i mean he's not helping anybody uh in the sense that the people that are going yeah are probably not great people right that's the scariest i mean that's that's the whole question is that when you you know when someone comes up to you after a show after you've done your jokes and says i feel the same way about black people then you're in sort of an awkward position like whoa i did not mean to start organizing a clan meeting

00:26:52Marc:Does that ever happen to you?

00:26:54Guest:Never with racist stuff.

00:26:55Marc:Right.

00:26:56Guest:But with, like, I'll talk on stage a lot about, like, I kind of go back and forth between being, like, I'm pretty, like, I know I'm pretty, and then being like, but I'm not that pretty.

00:27:07Guest:You know, like, and then I'll talk about sex a lot and sort of, like, talk about being promiscuous.

00:27:13Guest:And, like, I totally have been, and I've totally had a good amount of sex.

00:27:17Guest:And for the wrong reasons, for the right reasons.

00:27:20Guest:And I talk about it openly and unapologetically.

00:27:22Guest:Right.

00:27:22Guest:But that sort of sometimes gives people license after.

00:27:25Guest:Right.

00:27:26Guest:To come up.

00:27:27Marc:Like men or women?

00:27:29Guest:Men.

00:27:29Guest:Oh, right.

00:27:29Guest:Men.

00:27:30Guest:But women, I think women like are psyched.

00:27:32Guest:Like to just to hear someone say the word clit on stage.

00:27:34Guest:Yeah.

00:27:34Guest:They're like, yes, we just we never say it.

00:27:37Guest:But we've got it.

00:27:38Guest:It's important.

00:27:40Guest:It's very important.

00:27:41Guest:It's really important.

00:27:41Marc:If someone would please explain it to the guy I'm with.

00:27:44Guest:Yeah, I've like broke it down for crowd members.

00:27:48Guest:I'm like, yeah, a guy won't laugh.

00:27:50Guest:And I'm like, the clit is.

00:27:52Guest:And I just like describe where it is and what he should be doing.

00:27:56Guest:But...

00:27:57Guest:But yeah, so guys after, or they'll write to me, and I don't know, it depends on what mood I'm in.

00:28:02Guest:I'm so moody.

00:28:03Marc:How needy you are?

00:28:05Guest:Needy, moody.

00:28:07Guest:Somebody will tweet something to me like, I want to see you inside out, or I want to come on your head or something.

00:28:15Guest:I don't know.

00:28:15Guest:More creative than that.

00:28:17Guest:Coming on your head is a little broad.

00:28:21Guest:Sometimes I'm like, aw.

00:28:23Guest:Sometimes I'm really like, they get it.

00:28:25Guest:Or I'll be like,

00:28:25Guest:Ew.

00:28:26Guest:Or a guy will come up to me after, because I talk about how I'm easy, and he'll be like, so, do you want to hang out?

00:28:31Guest:And I'm like, no.

00:28:32Guest:I'm like, are you crazy?

00:28:35Marc:So do you see it as a character, in a way?

00:28:37Guest:Yeah, but it's a part of me.

00:28:39Guest:I didn't have sex until I was 18.

00:28:42Marc:You say that like, you know, oh, you're that old?

00:28:44Guest:Well, you know, all my best girlfriends were total whores and had sex early.

00:28:48Marc:Like how early?

00:28:49Guest:Like 14.

00:28:50Marc:Really?

00:28:50Marc:Yeah.

00:28:51Guest:They were giving head.

00:28:52Guest:They were having sex.

00:28:53Guest:And I was like, I loved hanging out with those girls.

00:28:56Guest:I was like, these girls are badass.

00:28:57Guest:But I was like, but I'm not ready to do that.

00:28:59Marc:So they were sucking dick at 14 with other kids in school?

00:29:03Guest:The Catholic school girls, man.

00:29:04Marc:Well, yeah, that was a way out in a way.

00:29:06Guest:That's it.

00:29:07Guest:Yeah.

00:29:07Guest:But I was like, oh, my parents love me.

00:29:09Guest:I'm going to wait.

00:29:10Marc:The Catholic girls.

00:29:11Marc:It's sort of like what they're taught to do in some weird way.

00:29:14Guest:I don't know what it is.

00:29:14Marc:Catholic girls and giving blowjobs.

00:29:16Marc:Or how about those girls that like...

00:29:18Marc:Like I've heard of women who will not have sex in their pussy.

00:29:21Guest:They'll only have anal.

00:29:22Guest:I heard of it.

00:29:23Guest:Yeah, like there was this girl in college.

00:29:24Guest:It was like, Jess is a virgin.

00:29:26Guest:And then like it came out like, oh, but she has anal sex all the time.

00:29:30Guest:I was furious.

00:29:31Guest:I was like, stop calling yourself a virgin.

00:29:34Guest:Yeah, they're just like, well, I'm not going to get pregnant.

00:29:36Guest:And that's not Jesus's hole.

00:29:37Guest:So I don't know.

00:29:39Guest:I don't know what they think.

00:29:40Marc:So you're a Jewish girl amongst the Catholic whores.

00:29:42Guest:Yeah.

00:29:43Guest:So but then like in college, you know, I felt like really good about myself in high school and knew who I was.

00:29:48Guest:And then you get dropped off at college.

00:29:51Marc:Were you a cheerleader or anything?

00:29:52Guest:I played volleyball.

00:29:53Guest:Oh, so you're jacked.

00:29:55Guest:The cheerleaders in my high school were just like big black chicks.

00:29:59Guest:It was just step.

00:30:00Guest:You know, it's a lot of yelling.

00:30:01Guest:Like you did not want to get into it.

00:30:03Guest:The cheerleaders, they would fuck you up.

00:30:05Marc:They were tougher than the volleyball team.

00:30:07Guest:Oh, my God.

00:30:08Guest:They were tougher than the football team.

00:30:09Guest:They were terrifying.

00:30:12Guest:But, yeah, I played volleyball.

00:30:14Guest:And then, I don't know, in college, I just started, like... I just had a good year of just really spreading it thin and letting my numbers double.

00:30:23Guest:I was just like, okay, well, we'll go have sex.

00:30:25Guest:And I think it was because I...

00:30:28Guest:Felt like I needed that.

00:30:30Guest:I wanted to feel beautiful and appreciated.

00:30:32Guest:Yeah.

00:30:32Guest:And my self-esteem was low.

00:30:33Guest:Yeah.

00:30:34Guest:And in retrospect, it should have been like I had put on a good a good 20 LBs and I had no idea.

00:30:41Guest:Like I had I have such poor I'm always trying to like figure out how attractive I am.

00:30:47Guest:Yeah, because I've so like have had no idea.

00:30:50Guest:Like I've always thought I'm prettier than I actually am.

00:30:53Guest:Right.

00:30:53Guest:And in college, I gained, you know, the freshman, not the 15, like at least 20 fast.

00:30:59Guest:I came home and I remember like going to the doctor and he weighed me and he was like, whoa, he couldn't.

00:31:04Guest:It just like came out.

00:31:05Guest:And my mom, who's always really positive, was like, you look healthy.

00:31:08Guest:Oh, the worst.

00:31:10Guest:Still wearing the same clothes, just shoving it all in a tube top and like an animal print mini.

00:31:17Guest:And it's just still getting laid, but being like, I don't get it.

00:31:20Guest:Like, why aren't guys like, I want to be your boyfriend.

00:31:23Guest:Yeah.

00:31:24Marc:Why am I always the drunk one having sex?

00:31:25Guest:One time a guy called me at six in the morning.

00:31:29Guest:And it woke me up.

00:31:30Guest:And it was the guy that I had a crush on.

00:31:32Guest:And I was like, oh, maybe he's up really early and thinking about me.

00:31:37Guest:Can't get you off my mind.

00:31:38Guest:He's completely blacked.

00:31:40Guest:Just not even there.

00:31:41Guest:But I was like, oh, I think maybe.

00:31:44Guest:He was just wasted?

00:31:44Guest:Wasted.

00:31:45Guest:Wasted.

00:31:46Guest:And we had the worst sex ever.

00:31:48Guest:But he introduced me to Sam Cooke.

00:31:49Guest:So I was like, who is this?

00:31:52Guest:This is amazing.

00:31:53Marc:You're having sex with this guy who reeks like fucking booze and you can't even see and like, don't know much about his suit.

00:31:59Guest:Yeah, she was only 60.

00:32:01Guest:I was like, ooh.

00:32:02Guest:And he was a super senior in college.

00:32:04Guest:Like in retrospect, like what a dirtbag piece of shit.

00:32:07Marc:A super senior?

00:32:09Guest:Super senior.

00:32:09Marc:What does that mean?

00:32:11Guest:It means he should have graduated, but he was like, I'm going to stay around and fuck girls who hate themselves.

00:32:17Marc:And you were like, here I am.

00:32:20Guest:Good morning.

00:32:20Guest:Check out my tube.

00:32:21Guest:Uh, so yeah, like I was, I, I spread it out then my numbers went up and then, uh,

00:32:27Guest:And then I was like, oh, wait, this sucks.

00:32:29Guest:This is not.

00:32:30Guest:But it was because I really liked this one guy.

00:32:32Guest:Yeah.

00:32:32Guest:And he did not want to be my boyfriend.

00:32:34Guest:Like, he would.

00:32:35Guest:We'd have sex once in a while.

00:32:36Guest:And I was just like, oh.

00:32:38Guest:And at that time, like, you don't even know each other.

00:32:40Guest:The people that I had sex with, you would.

00:32:41Guest:I'd see them at the bar at 10 and we would just kind of walk by each other and smile.

00:32:45Guest:And then it was like, hopefully at 2 in the morning, you'd be like, do you want to go to late night in my underwear?

00:32:49Guest:Yeah.

00:32:49Guest:And then they would leave in the morning.

00:32:53Guest:You never had a conversation.

00:32:54Guest:So if someone rejected you, they weren't rejecting you.

00:32:58Guest:They didn't know you.

00:33:00Guest:You don't have a conversation with each other.

00:33:01Marc:Isn't it weird how, I've been thinking about it lately because I'm not with anybody.

00:33:08Marc:And it's been kind of a prolific few years.

00:33:11Marc:I don't know.

00:33:12Marc:Has it changed?

00:33:14Marc:I mean, it seems like everybody just fucks.

00:33:17Guest:Wait, are you like someone who's always with someone?

00:33:21Marc:Well, no, I've been married twice.

00:33:22Marc:Right.

00:33:23Marc:And I'm capable of being with somebody.

00:33:25Marc:But now I think after the last heartbreak that I've become a little more callous and a little more aware of what is and isn't a relationship and what is and isn't healthy.

00:33:35Marc:Right.

00:33:35Marc:But sex, I mean, plays into that.

00:33:37Marc:But you can still have sex.

00:33:39Marc:And not have a relationship and not be healthy.

00:33:42Marc:Yeah.

00:33:42Marc:And it just, am I wrong in thinking that people are fucking a lot more now?

00:33:46Guest:This reminds me of some of your, like what you did on your John Oliver set that I thought was really funny.

00:33:50Guest:You're like, is it still all about fucking?

00:33:51Guest:Like you're always checking in, like are people fucking?

00:33:54Guest:Yeah.

00:33:55Marc:But they are, but like there's no real, I mean, I don't know from a woman's point of view, but I have found, have you been the person that fucks somebody and then like, you're like something opens up inside of you and either that person has to pay or you're going to pursue that person?

00:34:09Yeah.

00:34:09Guest:um no that is just you okay uh i bring that out people yeah um i i don't know if i have the female perspective i have to say that like i i because i like fucking's really important for me yeah like i want i still like want to have sex a lot yeah uh and it's not and it's no longer about like when i first start having sex you're like i hope i look thin i hope yeah

00:34:31Guest:There was no real joy or feeling of sex.

00:34:35Guest:No, I wasn't like, oh, penetration.

00:34:37Guest:Now it's about me.

00:34:39Guest:I have to remember to be like, and I'm giving, but I have to remember to be like, oh, this is about us together.

00:34:45Marc:I'm not just using his dick.

00:34:47Guest:Yeah, right.

00:34:47Guest:You're not just a jungle gym.

00:34:50Guest:There's a person in there.

00:34:51Marc:Do you ever get to that point where you're fucking somebody and he comes too quick or something?

00:34:57Marc:You're like, you got to be kidding me.

00:34:58Guest:Yeah.

00:34:59Guest:Oh, sure.

00:35:00Guest:Sure.

00:35:01Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:35:01Guest:A couple of boyfriends ago.

00:35:03Guest:Yeah.

00:35:04Guest:I think of myself as being sensitive, but then I also like, you know, it's like the last guy I saw, he had trouble getting an erection like twice.

00:35:12Guest:Yeah.

00:35:13Guest:You know, never a problem.

00:35:14Guest:Yeah.

00:35:14Guest:And the first time I was just like, whatever, it happens.

00:35:16Guest:I think he took his Xanax.

00:35:17Guest:Yeah.

00:35:17Guest:And then the second time I was like, just all sensitivity went out the window.

00:35:21Guest:And I was like, what's your fucking problem?

00:35:24Guest:Like, not that mean, but I was like, is it?

00:35:26Marc:Guaranteeing him a life of impotency.

00:35:28Guest:Yeah, right.

00:35:29Guest:What creates anxiety more than being like, think about your dick more.

00:35:32Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:35:33Guest:Focus, asshole.

00:35:34Guest:Yeah, so I feel like, again, like split personality.

00:35:37Guest:Sometimes I'm really sensitive to it and sometimes I'm just like, why can't you just fuck me whenever I want?

00:35:43Guest:Yeah.

00:35:44Guest:But I don't, I think men and women are different in the way of

00:35:48Guest:I have had sex.

00:35:50Guest:I'm like pretty much always in a relationship.

00:35:51Guest:I date somebody for like three years.

00:35:53Guest:Yeah.

00:35:53Guest:And then I meet someone that I want to have sex with more.

00:35:55Guest:And that's.

00:35:56Guest:Yeah.

00:35:56Guest:I feel like it's more.

00:35:57Guest:It's rare for chicks to be really attracted to someone.

00:36:01Guest:Yeah.

00:36:01Guest:It doesn't happen that often.

00:36:02Guest:So like I'm I feel like I'm always dating the person I'm most attracted to.

00:36:07Marc:You mean it doesn't happen that often in the sense that they act on it?

00:36:09Marc:Because I think don't women sort of fester about... I think that people are attracted to people, but I mean taking action is different.

00:36:16Guest:Yeah.

00:36:17Marc:Maybe I'm speculating.

00:36:18Guest:Well, I don't know.

00:36:18Guest:For me, it's like I've been like... The only reason I would cheat in the past has been like...

00:36:23Guest:It would be if I felt like he wasn't appreciating me.

00:36:27Guest:If I felt like we weren't really connecting and he didn't give a shit and wasn't into it.

00:36:33Marc:Some women love that.

00:36:35Guest:Not me.

00:36:36Guest:I'm like, let's have a compliment sesh all in my direction.

00:36:41Guest:but uh but i i just i've you know i've cheated before it feels like shit it's not worth it you're like do i have some new disease you know and am i giving it to this guy and i'm gonna have to convince him that he gave it to me well i'm glad that that's so funny because it's not even the the the sort of moral uh it's not even the moral implications of betrayal it's like i don't want to tell him but god forbid that i get found out because he gets warts

00:37:03Guest:Yeah, that's it.

00:37:04Guest:Because I don't know.

00:37:06Guest:I feel like with men, emotionally, if you and I were together, we're married, and you have sex with someone else, that doesn't necessarily mean anything about your feelings for me.

00:37:20Guest:I believe that for men.

00:37:22Marc:But if you were in that relationship, would you be able to make that distinction?

00:37:27Marc:Like, okay, so you went out and fucked that girl.

00:37:29Marc:But I understand.

00:37:30Marc:You still love me.

00:37:31Guest:Two, three years ago, no fucking way.

00:37:34Guest:Run for your life.

00:37:35Guest:But now, I don't know.

00:37:36Guest:I feel like I'd be like, I don't want to ever find out about it, especially if it didn't mean something to you.

00:37:43Guest:Because I believe that, you know, I don't know, something's going on with you.

00:37:46Guest:People go through phases.

00:37:47Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:37:48Guest:But I don't know.

00:37:50Guest:It would be very hurtful, but I don't believe that having sex with someone else necessarily affects your feelings for the person that you're with.

00:37:56Marc:No, I think that's probably true.

00:37:57Marc:I've known that to be true, but something's going on.

00:37:59Guest:Yeah.

00:38:00Guest:But the anonymous sex, not anonymous sex that I've had, but sex with people that I wasn't really that into.

00:38:05Guest:I tried that post-college.

00:38:09Guest:I'm like, maybe I'm still a whore.

00:38:10Guest:Maybe I'm still wired.

00:38:11Marc:Why is there this weird double standard about women?

00:38:14Marc:Yeah.

00:38:15Marc:I'm just now starting to really sort of process the fact that a lot of women fuck dudes.

00:38:21Guest:I do.

00:38:22Guest:And I'm trying to get the word out.

00:38:25Guest:That's the thing.

00:38:25Guest:On stage, we're all communicating our truth.

00:38:29Marc:Whatever we want to... And you're basically saying, would someone please fuck me?

00:38:32Guest:Well, no.

00:38:33Guest:I'm saying I have had a lot of sex.

00:38:35Guest:I've got friends who are pregnant.

00:38:37Guest:I've got HPV.

00:38:38Guest:So when all of you girls do that...

00:38:42Guest:Like, don't feel that bad about it.

00:38:43Guest:Right.

00:38:43Guest:Because it's happening.

00:38:44Guest:And guys, that does not... I think... And guys are... You know, I've had a couple Fox News dudes be like, you're a whore.

00:38:51Guest:You know, and I'm just like, okay.

00:38:52Guest:Oh, really?

00:38:54Guest:Well, yeah, I got into it on that show Red Eye with this kid, Steven Crowder.

00:38:58Guest:Yeah.

00:38:59Guest:Yeah, we got into it.

00:39:00Guest:He was like talking about abstinence and I just, you know, I've got my opinions on it.

00:39:03Guest:But then he like kind of he took a shot at me.

00:39:06Guest:He was like, oh, well, it really takes a lot out of nowhere.

00:39:08Guest:He took a shot at me.

00:39:09Guest:He's like, it takes a lot of you're breaking new ground to be a dirty comic.

00:39:11Guest:You're breaking new ground there, Copernicus, like that.

00:39:14Guest:And I like just rolled my sleeves up.

00:39:15Guest:I'm like, OK, motherfucker, let's go.

00:39:18Guest:Yeah.

00:39:18Guest:And and we went back and forth and I was just like.

00:39:22Guest:Like, I know that I don't know shit yet about sex, love, comedy.

00:39:26Guest:Like, I'm figuring it out.

00:39:28Marc:Yeah, most people don't know shit about sex and love.

00:39:30Guest:But people think they do.

00:39:31Guest:And, like, this kid who's supposedly a virgin and, like, is being bred to be, like, the next Glenn Beck, possibly, is sitting there just kind of preaching, like, he knows everything.

00:39:41Guest:Like, here's the bottom line.

00:39:42Marc:Because he's bought a dogma or, like, a system of, like, you know, he's a belief system.

00:39:48Guest:Yes, the whole system, he is representing it.

00:39:53Guest:And I think that it makes me kind of arrogant because I just don't believe that anyone could believe some of that shit.

00:40:00Guest:I'm just like, no, there's no way you could think about this stuff and look at yourself in the mirror.

00:40:04Marc:I think it's very threatening for men.

00:40:05Marc:Like I've been trying to, I've been trying to do this joke on stage, which gets varied results because I'm trying to understand the double standard.

00:40:11Marc:But I think a woman who has had a lot of sexual partners to some dudes is threatening.

00:40:16Marc:Is that like, well, where do I rank?

00:40:18Marc:You know, like, you know, uh, you know, how am I gonna, it's, it's really about pride.

00:40:23Guest:Yeah.

00:40:23Marc:Like they, they, they're, they want somebody that's stupid and doesn't know anything.

00:40:26Marc:And so they can be the hero of the situation.

00:40:29Marc:Yeah.

00:40:29Guest:Yeah.

00:40:30Marc:Whereas, like, I don't really care one way or the other, but there's always a question, I think, with men and women.

00:40:35Marc:It's like, well, how was I compared to the other 30?

00:40:37Guest:Right, right.

00:40:38Marc:But all that shit starts to fade, too.

00:40:40Marc:I mean, I don't know if you've had that experience because of where you're at, but, like, I mean, I'm 47 years old, so there are sexual events in my life that I'll always recall fondly, but it doesn't diminish any of the newer ones.

00:40:52Guest:No, no, same for me.

00:40:53Guest:And I don't have any physical memory of sex.

00:40:56Guest:Right.

00:40:57Guest:Like...

00:40:58Guest:I had sex yesterday.

00:40:59Guest:I don't really remember it physically.

00:41:01Guest:You had sex yesterday?

00:41:02Guest:Yeah, I'm like, okay, I know I had an orgasm because I'm not mad.

00:41:08Guest:But I can't remember my last boyfriend's penis.

00:41:14Guest:Those sexual memories, unless it's like an assault, I feel like they fade away for girls, so I'm not like...

00:41:20Marc:I think if you're remembering penises, most of the time, it's not gonna be in the positive.

00:41:24Marc:Like you'll remember, like that guy is almost freakish.

00:41:28Marc:But then you can remember like 10 times where it's like, oh, that was bad.

00:41:31Guest:I have no memory of like, I know I've had satisfying sex with a bunch of people, but I don't remember that.

00:41:36Guest:I remember the disappointment.

00:41:37Guest:I remember the time I put my hand down a guy's pants and couldn't figure out which was the testicle and which was the penis.

00:41:44Guest:Oh, did you?

00:41:44Guest:Yes.

00:41:46Guest:I'm like, ball, ball.

00:41:47Guest:Does he have three balls?

00:41:48Guest:Because, oh my God, no, this is his dick.

00:41:50Guest:That's terrible.

00:41:52Guest:His life is terrible.

00:41:54Guest:And then I'm just like, I'm pulling on something, like hoping that's the right one.

00:41:57Guest:I swear.

00:41:57Guest:I swear that's true.

00:42:00Guest:But yeah, so I just remember the disappointing ones.

00:42:02Marc:Well, the joke that I've been trying to work on, which is basically like the double standard where I've been saying like, like if a dude says I fuck a lot of chicks, you know, people are like, well, he's fucking a lot of chicks.

00:42:11Marc:Right.

00:42:12Marc:But if a woman says like, I fuck a lot of dudes, there's that moment like, oh, she's a whore or whatever.

00:42:16Marc:And then I thought, is it sexist?

00:42:17Marc:Is it based on this idea of patriarchy of how we see women in culture?

00:42:23Marc:And then I decided, no, I think it's really about, you know, can you ever really get a vagina clean?

00:42:27Marc:I mean, all the way clean.

00:42:28Marc:No.

00:42:30Guest:No.

00:42:30Guest:There's always going to be something lurking in there.

00:42:32Guest:Right.

00:42:32Guest:Well, I think that's... Some mystery sauce.

00:42:34Guest:Right.

00:42:34Marc:Because like a dick, you're sort of like, I washed it.

00:42:37Marc:It's good.

00:42:38Guest:Yeah.

00:42:38Guest:Like, we're good for at least 30 minutes.

00:42:40Guest:Yeah.

00:42:40Marc:And vagina, it's like, oh, I don't... That seems complicated.

00:42:43Marc:Did you?

00:42:43Guest:Oh, God.

00:42:44Guest:Yeah.

00:42:44Guest:Like, I...

00:42:45Guest:After you get a Brazilian wax, they show you.

00:42:47Guest:Like the chicks hold out a mirror.

00:42:49Guest:I think partially to be like, now are you happy?

00:42:51Guest:You white entitled cunt.

00:42:53Guest:But I, yeah, there's always some mystery thing going on.

00:42:58Guest:But when I hear, totally honestly, when I hear a guy say,

00:43:02Guest:I fuck a lot of girls.

00:43:03Guest:Yeah.

00:43:04Guest:I don't believe that anyone thinks that's cool anymore unless they're too young to believe that.

00:43:08Guest:You know, like the situation on Jersey Shore, like those guys fuck a lot.

00:43:13Guest:It's it's sad.

00:43:14Guest:It's just as sad for a girl or a guy.

00:43:17Guest:I think it's even.

00:43:17Guest:And and I those standards of she's a whore.

00:43:20Guest:I remember them from when I was younger.

00:43:22Guest:Yeah.

00:43:23Guest:And you wanted to be careful not to be slutty.

00:43:25Guest:Yeah.

00:43:25Guest:But I don't those that doesn't exist for me anymore.

00:43:28Guest:And I don't spend any time with anyone.

00:43:30Guest:Right.

00:43:31Guest:That feels that way.

00:43:32Guest:Right.

00:43:32Guest:Openly.

00:43:33Guest:Right.

00:43:33Guest:But I've got guy friends who have a lot of sex.

00:43:37Guest:Yeah.

00:43:37Guest:And they're really unhappy.

00:43:39Guest:Sure.

00:43:39Guest:You know, I don't know any guy that's like, look, life is dope every night.

00:43:43Marc:Right.

00:43:43Marc:They're using their dick as a shovel to dig for truth and love.

00:43:46Guest:Exactly.

00:43:46Guest:And someone hurt them.

00:43:47Guest:They're sad.

00:43:48Guest:So I don't think that those high fives are going around anymore.

00:43:51Marc:Why do you got to talk to me like that?

00:43:53Marc:Why do you have to implicate me in this?

00:43:56Guest:Sorry.

00:43:57Guest:I mean, this is about you.

00:43:58Marc:It is.

00:43:59Marc:My show is about me.

00:44:01Marc:And as long as you can leave here with me feeling better or like that I've learned something.

00:44:05Marc:We've had a great episode.

00:44:06Guest:Oh, good.

00:44:07Guest:Why?

00:44:07Guest:What are you thinking?

00:44:08Guest:What are you thinking right now?

00:44:09Marc:I'm just thinking about the whole love sex thing and that, and that there's part of me that still thinks like, I probably had this thought, you know, two days ago.

00:44:16Marc:Like I remember it.

00:44:17Marc:Like when I think about how men define themselves, like there's still something adolescent in me.

00:44:21Marc:Like if I think about, like if I get shitty mail from say a Corolla fan, who's like, fuck you, dude, you're a pussy.

00:44:27Marc:I'm like, my first thought is like, I have fucked more women than you can, you know, like there, there's part of me that thinks that, that that's some sort of like, you know, I win.

00:44:35Marc:You're not a man.

00:44:36Marc:I'm a man.

00:44:37Marc:What determines that?

00:44:38Guest:Well, you kind of do win.

00:44:39Guest:Like, I don't disagree with that.

00:44:43Guest:I'm like, no, you've done really well.

00:44:44Marc:But then there's this other part of me where, like, I had this other thing where I wrote down this thing where I'm trying to make it a joke.

00:44:50Marc:I don't know if it would be a joke that even if I meet a nice girl, because of how well I know my dick, it's going to be dirty.

00:44:56Guest:Yeah.

00:44:56Marc:You know, like, just the fact that, like, you know, this thing is... You're going to turn this pure girl into... Yeah, it's an old dirty dick.

00:45:01Guest:I'm going to ruin you.

00:45:03Guest:You will be ruined.

00:45:04Guest:You're like a black guy.

00:45:05Marc:Or you have no idea...

00:45:06Guest:You're like, I'm going to make your stock go down in 10 seconds.

00:45:11Marc:But I don't know.

00:45:12Marc:There's hope for us, right?

00:45:13Marc:There's hope for me, right?

00:45:14Marc:I'll find love again.

00:45:15Guest:That is what I've been getting at.

00:45:17Guest:You will.

00:45:18Guest:No, here's the thing.

00:45:19Guest:I feel like it's always changing what I think makes someone happy and feel fulfilled.

00:45:24Guest:Lately, my thing, it's like I'm almost 30.

00:45:26Guest:I'm like...

00:45:27Guest:And I can't say right now, I'm still like, maybe in five, six years, I'll want a kid and a family.

00:45:35Guest:Maybe I want to surround myself with unconditional love.

00:45:38Guest:Or maybe that's just because I'm starting to get afraid of dying and want something to carry on my genes.

00:45:43Guest:Right.

00:45:43Guest:So it's like...

00:45:44Guest:It's like all really, it all goes back to a self-serving dark.

00:45:49Marc:But that's how you're sort of explaining to yourself the biological urge to have children, which from what I hear exists and from all indications it does in women.

00:45:58Guest:Yeah.

00:45:59Guest:I've been like, that's never going to happen to me.

00:46:00Guest:I've never been interested in kids.

00:46:01Guest:But now if there's a child, I'm at a party or something and somebody has a kid there, I'll sweep it up and put it on my hip.

00:46:06Guest:And I'm like, whoa.

00:46:07Guest:What just happened?

00:46:08Guest:How did you get up here?

00:46:09Guest:What are you doing up here?

00:46:11Guest:And then I'm always thrilled to put it down and be like, go back to your life.

00:46:14Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:14Guest:But I'm never like, can I keep it?

00:46:17Guest:Even I had to watch my friend's dog.

00:46:18Guest:I was like, I love your dog.

00:46:19Guest:I'll watch your dog for a week.

00:46:21Guest:Day in, I had to call in the reserves.

00:46:24Guest:I made up a breakup with my boyfriend so that I could not have to be responsible for a living thing.

00:46:29Marc:Yeah, selfish?

00:46:30Guest:Yeah, selfish.

00:46:33Guest:And I'm just like lazy and moody.

00:46:37Guest:And I don't want it to be about me.

00:46:38Guest:I don't want to have a kid to have it be about me.

00:46:42Marc:Well, yeah, that's what my parents did, and look what happened.

00:46:43Marc:Is that what your parents did?

00:46:45Guest:I think they were just trying to avoid each other.

00:46:47Marc:Oh, yeah?

00:46:48Guest:Yeah, my mom was just like, I don't love this man.

00:46:50Guest:I better produce.

00:46:51Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:52Marc:I need a barrier against this dying relationship.

00:46:56Guest:Yeah, I think so.

00:46:57Marc:Do you have siblings?

00:46:58Guest:Yeah, I have a younger sister and older brother.

00:47:00Marc:So there's three is your parents are still married.

00:47:02Guest:No, no, no.

00:47:04Guest:My mom's been married a bunch.

00:47:06Guest:Yeah.

00:47:07Guest:Yeah.

00:47:07Guest:She was married.

00:47:08Guest:My brother and I have different fathers.

00:47:10Marc:And is your father a Schumer?

00:47:12Marc:Yeah.

00:47:13Marc:Now, how are you connected to Charles Schumer, the senator?

00:47:15Guest:Man, he's like my dad's cousin.

00:47:18Marc:Like, oh, so it's not like, hey, there's Uncle Charles.

00:47:20Marc:No, it's like there's that guy with the plugs.

00:47:23Guest:Does he have plugs?

00:47:25Marc:Please.

00:47:25Guest:Really?

00:47:26Guest:Oh.

00:47:27Guest:I had no idea.

00:47:28Marc:You know what?

00:47:29Marc:He's a good senator, and it's just interesting that here we are talking about this world, but your name is identified with one of the more... He's like a centrist Democrat kind of dude, but he is a political force.

00:47:41Guest:Totally.

00:47:42Guest:He's the real deal.

00:47:43Guest:I like him.

00:47:44Guest:Any moves I've ever read about or seen, I'm never like, oh, God, change my name.

00:47:49Guest:I think that...

00:47:51Guest:I don't think he even knows that I'm really alive.

00:47:54Guest:I don't think he knows I'm a comedian unless somebody's been like, should we kill her?

00:47:59Marc:Is this going to be a problem?

00:48:00Marc:She's got your name.

00:48:01Guest:But I have this joke in my set where I talk about false advertising.

00:48:06Guest:I'm like, Reese's, there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.

00:48:08Guest:I'm like, tell us my uncle used to put them in my underwear.

00:48:11Guest:And people online were like, she should be careful with that joke.

00:48:14Guest:And I'm like, he's not even my uncle.

00:48:16Guest:I was not molested.

00:48:17Guest:These are jokes.

00:48:19Guest:But yeah, the only time that it's really come up being related to him was my cousin and I were arrested for shoplifting.

00:48:27Guest:And it would have been grand larceny, but it doesn't take that much for it to be grand larceny.

00:48:32Marc:Were you kids?

00:48:33Guest:not really like i just want to be like i was 13 my parents are getting divorced no it was six months ago no i was i was 21 yeah like i should have had it together but it was a it was compulsive like i was stealing a lot and uh it was just like you know part of so this was it you actually hit a bottom with this by getting busted it was something you've been doing

00:48:57Guest:Yeah.

00:48:58Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:48:59Guest:I've been doing it for years and like returning things that I hadn't paid for and getting cash for them.

00:49:03Guest:Some department stores, you can do that.

00:49:06Guest:So we finally got arrested and after years and they were and at the time she was like having a lot of trouble.

00:49:15Guest:My cousin is like, you know, has borderline personality disorder, was like having a really tough time.

00:49:20Guest:Yeah, and so I just had to sort of keep her afloat.

00:49:23Guest:So we're in the back.

00:49:24Guest:There are detectives coming in, and I'm just trying to make her laugh.

00:49:27Guest:They lay out everything that you steal so they can assess the charge.

00:49:30Guest:And I'm like, where were you going to wear that, bitch?

00:49:32Guest:I'm like, what is that, plaid?

00:49:33Guest:You know, just trying to make her laugh so she didn't dissociate and start developing multiple personalities.

00:49:40Marc:Is that a possibility?

00:49:41Guest:Yeah.

00:49:42Marc:With borderlines?

00:49:42Yeah.

00:49:43Guest:Um, I don't... Yeah, yeah, definitely with borderlines, but, you know... So you had a borderline in your life?

00:49:49Guest:Yeah, I still do, yeah.

00:49:51Marc:And... Well, okay.

00:49:54Marc:I've just become a little fascinated with this because... With that specific diagnosis?

00:49:57Marc:Well, yeah, because I, you know, I feel like I've...

00:50:00Marc:Maybe earlier in my life, I may have had traits of that.

00:50:05Marc:And I've also found myself dating people lately that have symptoms of that.

00:50:10Marc:And I just think it's a very interesting but fairly specific thing.

00:50:14Guest:So specific.

00:50:15Marc:Right, but people think borderline, what does that even mean?

00:50:17Marc:But when you do research on it, it's like a real thing.

00:50:20Guest:Yeah, you're like, oh, it's like any disease.

00:50:24Guest:But it's so specific and emotional.

00:50:26Guest:It's weird that it's a thing.

00:50:27Marc:What are the experiences of it?

00:50:29Marc:What are the specifics of it?

00:50:30Guest:Like, okay, well, the height of, and it's, you know, a lifelong thing, but the height of her borderline, it was, and she had to go to a residential school.

00:50:37Guest:Like, she was hospitalized.

00:50:40Guest:Cut her.

00:50:41Guest:Okay.

00:50:41Guest:You know?

00:50:42Guest:Yeah.

00:50:43Guest:Yeah, my cousin was messed up.

00:50:45Guest:Yeah.

00:50:45Guest:And was...

00:50:47Guest:and she would like it was things like and you know i read the book because at first it's like like the book of like dealing with dealing with a borderline like how to support a borderline it was like at first you're like what is this and and being young and not knowing that much about it it was like she had an eating disorder for a while which is like chapter three she had an eating disorder right and and that was another thing i didn't really have sympathy for yet because i didn't know to so i was just like why don't you just eat food you know like i was like why aren't you just eating right um

00:51:12Marc:It's because her brain is wired differently.

00:51:13Guest:Exactly.

00:51:14Guest:It's real.

00:51:15Guest:It's a disease.

00:51:16Marc:Is she able to function?

00:51:17Guest:She's like high functioning, doing awesome.

00:51:19Guest:But at the time, she was in a residential school.

00:51:23Guest:And those chicks, they all pick up things like, we're all lesbians this week.

00:51:26Guest:It's like a fad like anything else.

00:51:29Marc:It's because they don't have a sense of self, right?

00:51:31Guest:Yeah.

00:51:31Marc:That's stable.

00:51:32Guest:Right.

00:51:32Guest:But it's like then you see them still in there like she's fine.

00:51:35Guest:Yeah.

00:51:35Guest:The constant proving of loyalty like for you.

00:51:39Guest:You had to.

00:51:39Guest:Yes.

00:51:40Guest:Right.

00:51:40Guest:Yes.

00:51:41Guest:You know, and you're like, how am I like, what do I have to do?

00:51:43Guest:Right.

00:51:44Guest:I'm here.

00:51:44Guest:They're like, no, stop your life.

00:51:47Guest:Right.

00:51:47Guest:And just live for me.

00:51:50Guest:But but like, you know, through therapy, medication, whatever, totally high functioning, doing fine.

00:51:55Guest:And sometimes it shows up and and, you know, it's really frustrating for her that it's it's in there.

00:52:00Marc:But now because of the level of self-awareness, she can say, oh, this is happening.

00:52:04Guest:Yeah, she can handle it.

00:52:05Guest:Catch it.

00:52:06Guest:Yeah, like, because she was, it was bad and she was, she was, and she was a cutter.

00:52:11Guest:Yeah.

00:52:12Guest:And that, people don't know that that's like, if you're, you know, it's like urge response like anything else.

00:52:17Guest:So your body gets used to it like heroin.

00:52:20Guest:Right.

00:52:20Guest:So the withdrawal is similar.

00:52:21Guest:So if you can't cut yourself, she would throw up.

00:52:24Right.

00:52:24Marc:Well, yeah, because you don't want to experience the emotions.

00:52:27Marc:So you externalize them.

00:52:28Guest:Right.

00:52:29Guest:Exactly.

00:52:29Guest:You make it physical.

00:52:30Guest:Right.

00:52:30Guest:But then then your body starts craving that that specific pain.

00:52:34Guest:So she would, you know, going through therapy, getting out of it.

00:52:38Guest:And they're like, it's a serious thing.

00:52:40Guest:Like they're like, give them a razor because if you know, you can't like just keep sharp things for them because they will break a mirror.

00:52:46Guest:They will do what it takes.

00:52:47Guest:It's like heroin.

00:52:48Marc:Oh, my God.

00:52:49Guest:Yeah.

00:52:49Guest:It's really bad.

00:52:50Marc:Now, did they were they able to source it?

00:52:52Marc:Like, I mean, because it's one of those disorders that is not it's not just a mental thing.

00:52:56Marc:It comes from an emotional trauma.

00:52:57Guest:Right.

00:52:58Guest:Yeah.

00:52:58Guest:It comes from an emotional trauma.

00:53:00Guest:And but also it is like just chemical straight up inherited.

00:53:04Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:53:05Guest:Yeah.

00:53:05Marc:OK.

00:53:06Marc:Well, that's interesting.

00:53:07Marc:Now let's talk about your shoplifting problem.

00:53:09Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:53:09Guest:So so what were you getting out of that?

00:53:11Guest:Oh, the physical experience.

00:53:14Guest:The thrill of stealing?

00:53:15Guest:The thrill, the adrenaline, the getting away with it.

00:53:17Marc:How'd you end up not fucked up on drugs?

00:53:19Guest:I had no shame.

00:53:19Guest:I had no shame about it.

00:53:20Guest:I didn't really, I don't, you know, I smoked some pot.

00:53:22Guest:I don't really, I've never done coke.

00:53:24Marc:Yeah.

00:53:24Guest:I've never done ecstasy.

00:53:25Marc:So you just went hands on with the, but you like the juice.

00:53:29Guest:I do.

00:53:30Guest:Yeah.

00:53:30Guest:I'm like, you know, I feel like you're like that.

00:53:32Guest:It's just like you like, you're like, that's bad.

00:53:35Guest:I'm not supposed to do that.

00:53:36Guest:Let me do that.

00:53:37Marc:I actually found that now things are going okay for me, and I'm feeling a little like, oh, this is good, and I just want to keep that feeling going.

00:53:46Marc:I have certain songs that I listen to.

00:53:48Marc:I've got two nicotine patches on.

00:53:50Marc:I'll drink a pot of coffee.

00:53:51Marc:I like the juice of it.

00:53:53Marc:I'm too old for that shit.

00:53:55Guest:I know.

00:53:56Guest:Like, it's just the risk is not, like, there's too much, the reward is not worth it.

00:54:00Marc:I wish I could tell in my brain that.

00:54:02Guest:And you know what?

00:54:03Guest:And I watched that show Beyond Scared Straight.

00:54:06Guest:Yeah.

00:54:06Guest:Did you ever see that on A&E where they, like, take the kids to jail?

00:54:09Guest:No.

00:54:09Guest:And they're like, is this what you want?

00:54:10Marc:How beyond is it?

00:54:11Marc:Do they actually let inmates fuck them in the ass?

00:54:14Guest:They let the guards impregnate the female.

00:54:17Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:54:18Marc:Are you going to steal now?

00:54:19Guest:Yeah.

00:54:20Guest:Tell me what you named the kid.

00:54:21Guest:Some of these kids, you want to see them thrown a raping.

00:54:23Guest:You're like, fuck these little brats.

00:54:25Guest:They think they can do whatever they want.

00:54:27Guest:I think that shit works, though.

00:54:28Guest:I have nightmares about it a lot, but it keeps me in line.

00:54:30Guest:Really?

00:54:30Guest:I do not want to go to jail.

00:54:32Guest:I can't do anything else, or I would have to go to jail.

00:54:35Marc:It scares me, too.

00:54:36Guest:I don't even jaywalk.

00:54:37Marc:Yeah, the idea of jail is very scary.

00:54:40Guest:Yeah.

00:54:40Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:54:41Guest:I feel like I would be popular in jail.

00:54:43Guest:I'm not going there.

00:54:44Marc:Everyone's popular when they first get there.

00:54:47Marc:It's how you deal with the rest of it.

00:54:49Guest:Hey, this is a new girl.

00:54:49Guest:She seems really cool.

00:54:50Marc:Yeah, let's destroy her soul and see if she can adjust.

00:54:52Guest:Yeah.

00:54:53Marc:That's why they always wonder, like, you know, like, why can't inmates adjust to real life?

00:54:56Marc:Look what they had to go through.

00:54:58Guest:Oh, my God.

00:54:58Marc:Even if they weren't the team favorite.

00:55:02Marc:I mean, how are you going to adjust after your brain has been fucked that bad?

00:55:05Guest:The house emcees.

00:55:06Guest:They're still... They're still fucked up.

00:55:08Guest:They're still gonna be fucked up.

00:55:10Guest:Oh, God, yeah, I don't wanna get raped if I chase a jail.

00:55:12Marc:So your mom had a lot of husbands?

00:55:13Marc:I can't, like, because I talk to people about, you know, like, I'm always surprised by people's backgrounds, and, you know, I found that my... I didn't have that, but that must... Throughout when you were a little kid, you had different stepdads?

00:55:23Guest:Starting when I was 12.

00:55:25Guest:So the perfect age to to leave some damage.

00:55:28Guest:Yeah.

00:55:28Guest:Like my dad was always awesome.

00:55:30Guest:Loved us.

00:55:31Guest:Yeah.

00:55:32Guest:You know.

00:55:32Guest:Yeah.

00:55:33Guest:Never really responded to my brother, which was weird.

00:55:35Guest:And we didn't realize that till later on.

00:55:37Guest:My brother's great.

00:55:37Guest:Jazz musician in Chicago.

00:55:39Guest:Oh, good.

00:55:39Guest:Yeah.

00:55:39Guest:Jason Stein.

00:55:40Guest:Do you like jazz?

00:55:41Marc:Yeah, I do.

00:55:42Guest:Yeah.

00:55:42Guest:Your apartment.

00:55:42Guest:Like, I feel like you look like a jazz musician.

00:55:44Marc:Well, I'll listen to it.

00:55:46Marc:I understand it.

00:55:47Marc:I have the grooves in my mind that receive it.

00:55:50Marc:It's not a go-to thing for me, especially not when I'm feeling all amped and cocky.

00:55:53Marc:Then I'm in ACDC land and fucking jamming.

00:55:57Guest:I feel like your brain is like Coltrane.

00:55:59Guest:Yeah, no, it'll do it.

00:56:00Marc:I can definitely jump on board.

00:56:02Marc:I have a cousin who's like, I find it makes me anxious.

00:56:05Marc:I'm like, no, you just got to jump in.

00:56:06Marc:So he's that kind of musician?

00:56:08Guest:Yes, like free jazz.

00:56:10Marc:What instrument does he play?

00:56:11Guest:The bass clarinet.

00:56:12Marc:Wow, that's an interesting instrument.

00:56:13Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:56:14Guest:Weird choice.

00:56:15Guest:Not fun.

00:56:16Guest:I feel like there's so many similarities with comedy.

00:56:19Guest:It was not fun being around to hear him learning it.

00:56:22Guest:Yeah.

00:56:23Guest:He's amazing at it now.

00:56:25Guest:He's the best one in the country now.

00:56:26Guest:But with stand-up, you're like, come see my show.

00:56:29Guest:It's like we were both learning at the same time, and we both sucked.

00:56:32Marc:Right, but he's in the house practicing.

00:56:34Marc:You at least go outside.

00:56:35Guest:Right, I would just do it.

00:56:36Guest:Right, it would just be... But he's usually just in a room alone practicing sweating.

00:56:40Guest:I made people watch.

00:56:42Marc:What a horrible... Let me drag you through my process.

00:56:45Guest:Yeah, but no, he's good.

00:56:47Guest:My siblings and I are close.

00:56:48Guest:That's great.

00:56:48Guest:Yeah.

00:56:49Marc:But so 12 years old, new guy comes in.

00:56:51Guest:Okay, so mom leaves dad.

00:56:53Guest:Yeah.

00:56:54Guest:Has an affair with my best friend's dad.

00:56:56Guest:Oh, man.

00:56:57Guest:Breaks up their family.

00:56:58Marc:I'm in school.

00:56:59Guest:We're trying to still be best friends.

00:57:01Guest:Like, we were best friends.

00:57:02Guest:It was crazy.

00:57:03Guest:It was crazy.

00:57:03Marc:It's weird, because it always happens in the community.

00:57:05Marc:People forget that, like, you know, when you stick your dick into something that's, you know, nearby, the ripple effect is going to be fairly profound.

00:57:12Guest:Yeah, like, that vagina's going to be at a PTA meeting with your wife next week.

00:57:17Marc:Yeah.

00:57:17Guest:Yeah.

00:57:18Guest:It's it.

00:57:20Marc:So the whole town was affected by it.

00:57:22Guest:Yeah.

00:57:22Guest:And so she was like, you know, she was.

00:57:25Guest:She was.

00:57:26Guest:And and maybe that's like sort of where it came from.

00:57:29Guest:Like, I was like, well, I love my mom.

00:57:31Guest:She's my family.

00:57:32Guest:Yeah.

00:57:32Guest:Fuck you guys.

00:57:33Guest:Yeah.

00:57:33Guest:And then years later, I was like, Mom, how could you do that?

00:57:36Guest:You know, but not till a while later.

00:57:37Marc:Did you say that to her?

00:57:38Guest:When I was 16, I got angry.

00:57:40Guest:I was running away.

00:57:41Guest:That's when I started really stealing a lot.

00:57:45Guest:So, yeah, it was funny.

00:57:46Guest:I played volleyball pretty seriously.

00:57:49Guest:I was on this club team, and it was preliminaries for the Junior Olympics.

00:57:53Guest:And my mom was a chaperone.

00:57:55Guest:We had to go to San Jose, from New York to San Jose.

00:57:58Guest:And I...

00:57:59Guest:Got caught stealing at this tournament.

00:58:02Guest:So I was benched the whole tournament and she just like so I'm standing there with my knee pads around my ankles and my mom's just like standing there there for the whole weekend having to stare at me with hatred.

00:58:11Guest:But I could always stare right back at her and be like, yeah, but you ruined my life.

00:58:15Guest:Yeah, but we have new dads.

00:58:19Guest:So she started dating and would be like, I'm in love with this guy.

00:58:25Guest:And I was like, I felt honored to be privy to such adult information.

00:58:30Guest:Like, oh, she trusts me.

00:58:31Guest:But it was just because she didn't have any friends.

00:58:33Marc:Also, it was because it was completely inappropriate to put that on your daughter on some level.

00:58:37Guest:Totally, totally.

00:58:38Marc:Like, boundaryless insanity.

00:58:39Guest:Yeah, when I heard Paul Scheer's WTF with you, I was like, oh, that kind of happened to him, too.

00:58:47Guest:Yeah, it was really refreshing to hear about his abuse.

00:58:51Marc:Yeah, by the new guy.

00:58:52Guest:Yeah, the new guy.

00:58:54Guest:So the new guy would come in, and I was a total cunt.

00:58:56Guest:I would be like, you know, my mom dates a lot.

00:59:00Guest:seriously yeah or i'd be like totally crazy and be like can we when can we start calling you dad yeah like just scare the shit out of these guys who like probably just wanted to say these are all right just the guys that would come over to pick her up yeah and honestly i didn't um i was just like i didn't approve of her taste like i was like this guy isn't even hot mom like what are you doing i i just yeah i just thought you made it horrible for your mom to even have a date

00:59:25Guest:Yeah, I did.

00:59:26Guest:And then I was like, whatever.

00:59:28Guest:I became really important to myself.

00:59:30Guest:So I was like, well, when she goes on dates, I'll just have a party.

00:59:33Marc:So you think the stealing was just a direct reaction to fuck your mom up?

00:59:36Guest:Maybe.

00:59:36Guest:It's like I go to therapy, and that's sort of the path we're on in there right now.

00:59:41Marc:Oh, you're there?

00:59:41Marc:You're just getting into that?

00:59:42Guest:Yeah, we're getting into that.

00:59:44Guest:But, you know, it's like 45 minutes.

00:59:46Guest:So it's always like, well, we're going to get into this.

00:59:48Guest:Yeah, always.

00:59:48Guest:And then the session ends, and I'm just like, when are we going to ever get into something?

00:59:51Guest:Anything.

00:59:52Guest:Yeah, like, can we really do this?

00:59:54Marc:Is this a racket?

00:59:54Marc:Yeah.

00:59:55Guest:Yes.

00:59:56Marc:Well, that's all pretty exciting.

00:59:57Marc:So you ended up with a stepdad that was okay, though?

01:00:02Guest:Oh, no, no.

01:00:03Guest:She's single.

01:00:04Marc:Oh.

01:00:04Guest:But she married this guy, but kind of just so we could stay in the country.

01:00:07Guest:But he got deported because he was an Iranian guy who was in the Israeli army.

01:00:12Guest:So after 9-11, they were like, nobody's letting you marry anyone.

01:00:15Guest:You're not getting a green anything.

01:00:17Marc:How'd he find your mother?

01:00:19Guest:He was a mechanic.

01:00:20Guest:He owned an auto body shop and she got her car fixed.

01:00:23Marc:And did she sleep with him?

01:00:24Guest:Yeah.

01:00:24Guest:They were totally together.

01:00:25Guest:Oh, but they weren't like really like let's I didn't know that they got married until I came home from from college one weekend.

01:00:31Guest:I was flipping through photos.

01:00:32Guest:Yeah.

01:00:33Guest:And I was like, why are you and Eddie standing with a judge?

01:00:37Guest:She's like, oh, we got married.

01:00:38Guest:And I was like, oh, congratulations.

01:00:40Marc:And that was your third husband or second?

01:00:42Guest:Third.

01:00:42Marc:Oh, who was the second one?

01:00:44Marc:My dad.

01:00:44Marc:Oh, so there was one before you.

01:00:46Guest:Yeah.

01:00:47Guest:Yeah, yeah, my brother's dad.

01:00:48Guest:He died.

01:00:48Guest:He had a heart attack.

01:00:49Guest:Oh.

01:00:50Guest:Cocaine.

01:00:51Guest:Really?

01:00:51Guest:Yeah.

01:00:51Marc:80s?

01:00:52Guest:Yeah.

01:00:53Guest:He was like 33.

01:00:54Guest:Oh, my God.

01:00:55Guest:First heart attack.

01:00:56Marc:Wow.

01:00:57Guest:Beware.

01:00:57Marc:Yeah.

01:00:58Guest:Cocaine.

01:00:58Guest:No blow.

01:00:58Marc:Hell of a drug.

01:00:59Marc:Yeah.

01:00:59Marc:It's back, right?

01:01:00Marc:The Coke is out there.

01:01:02Guest:I never think about it and someone will offer it to me and I'm like, oh, my God, no.

01:01:06Marc:Did we just get into a time machine?

01:01:08Guest:Yeah.

01:01:09Marc:Blow.

01:01:10Guest:I'm like, what are we celebrating?

01:01:11Guest:Yeah.

01:01:11Marc:So the Iranian guy, that's interesting.

01:01:13Guest:Yeah, but he got supported.

01:01:15Guest:He did?

01:01:16Guest:So he's back in Israel?

01:01:16Guest:He's back in Israel.

01:01:17Guest:He can't come back here.

01:01:18Guest:It was sad.

01:01:19Guest:Like, I loved him.

01:01:20Guest:Yeah.

01:01:21Guest:And he was infuriating because he was like a crazy Persian.

01:01:24Marc:Persian Jew.

01:01:25Guest:Persian Jew.

01:01:26Guest:Yeah.

01:01:26Marc:Yeah.

01:01:27Marc:That's interesting.

01:01:27Marc:Like, a lot of people don't think that exists.

01:01:29Guest:That exists.

01:01:29Guest:It's real.

01:01:30Guest:And there's a lot of them.

01:01:31Marc:And you grew up in where?

01:01:32Marc:In Long Island?

01:01:33Marc:Mm-hmm.

01:01:33Marc:There's a lot of them there.

01:01:34Marc:Are there?

01:01:34Marc:I mean, I think that, like, isn't one of those towns...

01:01:37Marc:like scarsdale or maybe not scars though that's that's not in the island that's in westchester but like great neck or somewhere is a lot of oh yeah for sure it's a hotbed of persian yes yeah it's interesting how they grew some shady shit yeah well there's like yeah whenever you hear that it's never a good thing yeah you're never like they're really giving back to the community well even like they're running a drug right even here like you know oh that's the russian neighborhood it's never like oh that sounds lovely it's like what's going on you're just like steer clear yeah yeah i know and that's not racist it's just that's what you think immediately yeah like

01:02:07Guest:it's just true is it i think it's true like but my town on long island uh you know it's like people like oh long island jew fest but my town had no which town was it rockville center oh it was one of the very irish catholic not one of the five towns yeah no yeah no a lot of people forget that long island is not all about jews no i like had no jewish friends yeah and they're totally anti-semitic people are just like we hate you

01:02:30Marc:so it seems that like the last comic standing thing really you're one of the few people that you know actually did it at the right time in your career for it to to get you the start that you needed as opposed to you being like i'm almost done oh yeah thank god i had last comic standing no one know who i was at all hopefully i can bank some money yeah you know to to to last me a little while like you it seems like for you it launched you know a reasonable trajectory career-wise like that show

01:02:55Guest:for me like it doesn't really you know you never hear about it nobody remembers who won or anything i did it the perfect time i was like two and a half years in and uh could like couldn't believe that i was gonna be on television right i was and i had just filmed a you know one of those live at gotham for comedy central and blacked out i was so excited like i couldn't believe that i was doing a television taping of stand-up right and then the next day i had my audition for last comic oh so you're hot you're on it

01:03:20Guest:I was like crazy.

01:03:21Marc:You did it the day after the taping?

01:03:23Guest:The day after my live at Gotham taping.

01:03:24Marc:That's fucking perfect because you're in it.

01:03:26Guest:But I had no even tiny sliver of hope that I was going to make it on the show because, you know, comics don't watch that show until you're like, oh, my friend's on there.

01:03:35Guest:Let's see what's going on.

01:03:36Marc:But I think at the time you did it, if it had any integrity ever, it was to sort of break new people and to be a legitimate sort of test of people who were starting out or maybe unheard of.

01:03:47Guest:Yeah.

01:03:47Guest:In retrospect, that's the interesting thing because everyone else had been doing it.

01:03:52Guest:The next guy after me, it was like 10 years.

01:03:55Guest:These guys have been doing it 10, 20 years.

01:03:57Guest:Yeah.

01:03:57Marc:And they're unheard of.

01:03:58Marc:Like I have nothing against it, but it just became sort of a spectacle and I don't watch it and I don't like the idea that we're judged.

01:04:04Marc:But in terms of for someone like you, like I got my first TV opportunities two or three years in and they're like evening at the improv and and and, you know, Caroline's comedy hour and some other stuff.

01:04:15Marc:And those didn't really make a big difference.

01:04:16Guest:They were just sort of practice.

01:04:18Guest:This was prime time.

01:04:20Guest:Huge.

01:04:20Guest:Like my season, seven or eight million people watched every week.

01:04:23Guest:And I didn't know.

01:04:24Guest:Like, I remember the first taping of like the semifinals.

01:04:27Guest:There were going to be 900 people in the audience.

01:04:30Guest:And I'm like, I cannot believe 900 people are going to be in the crowd tonight.

01:04:35Guest:And one of the producers was like...

01:04:37Guest:Eight million people are going to watch this.

01:04:39Guest:And I couldn't even fathom what that meant.

01:04:42Guest:But I couldn't do that show now.

01:04:43Guest:I was so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

01:04:47Guest:My sort of character on that show, it's like a reality show.

01:04:51Guest:And they cast me like, okay, she'll be the young, excited, hopeful.

01:04:54Guest:That's really who I was.

01:04:56Guest:Right.

01:04:56Guest:And I didn't think I was going to get on there because I'd never seen it before.

01:04:59Guest:I didn't know it was a reality show.

01:05:01Guest:I thought, oh, the best comedians, move on.

01:05:04Guest:And I made it to the night showcase, and I invited my mom, just like, this will be fun.

01:05:08Guest:And you stand on those bleachers after, and they call the people who are going to L.A.

01:05:12Guest:And I was just humiliated because I was standing in between.

01:05:14Guest:Two of my favorite New York comics.

01:05:16Guest:Who?

01:05:17Guest:Laurie Kilmartin that year.

01:05:19Guest:It was like Jay Oakerson, Dominic, Joe DeVito.

01:05:22Guest:And so the two guys next to me got called up and I'm just standing there like, this is so embarrassing.

01:05:26Guest:And they're also looking at me like, why is she here?

01:05:28Guest:She's only been doing it two years.

01:05:29Guest:I mean...

01:05:29Guest:They were cool to me.

01:05:31Guest:And they said my name and I was shocked.

01:05:33Guest:And then I went home and looked at the cast the year before.

01:05:36Guest:And I was like, oh, it's a reality show.

01:05:41Guest:But I went in like nothing to lose.

01:05:44Guest:There's no reason I should do well on this.

01:05:45Guest:So I'll just say the stuff that I think is funny and be honest.

01:05:49Guest:But I was like, what's the worst that could happen?

01:05:53Guest:I'm not really racist.

01:05:55Guest:I'm not going to get drunk and say some racial slurs.

01:05:57Guest:I'm not going to sleep with somebody on the show.

01:05:59Marc:Are you sure of that?

01:06:00Guest:Yeah.

01:06:00Guest:Because you knew him wrong.

01:06:01Guest:Because I was like, yeah.

01:06:02Marc:But I think that it seems to me that, and maybe I'm wrong here, that because of that exposure at that point in your career, that I think people are sort of rooting for you.

01:06:11Guest:Rooting for me, but yeah, I think so.

01:06:13Marc:Like when people come out, like I think you have the personality that people are like, that's that girl.

01:06:16Marc:They're not going to be.

01:06:17Guest:Right, like we liked her on that show.

01:06:19Marc:Right, I wonder if she, yeah.

01:06:21Guest:Right, so that's why now when I do clubs on the weekend, like, my poster, it's me wearing, like, a little dress with, like, a cigarette making a face like, fuck you.

01:06:29Guest:Because I'm, like, like, let them know that I... Because I did, you know, dark shit when I was on that show.

01:06:35Guest:Right.

01:06:35Guest:Like, my jokes on last comic were fucked up.

01:06:37Guest:Right.

01:06:37Guest:They were dark, but...

01:06:38Guest:But still, people just remember like, oh, this is the nice girl from Last Comic.

01:06:42Guest:So I'm like, let them know the show that I do because I don't want them to just kind of be like, wait a minute.

01:06:46Guest:Where's all the talk about shopping?

01:06:48Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:49Marc:Oh, you do.

01:06:49Marc:You go out of your way to say, you know, like this is going to get.

01:06:52Guest:I just like try to have them market me.

01:06:55Marc:Isn't that interesting that we all get into that at some point, that we get associated with something that we're sort of like, you know, just make sure they understand.

01:07:02Guest:Yeah.

01:07:02Marc:Like for me, when I did political talk radio, like it was just people literally like, well, we don't really go to comedy clubs, but we're here to support you.

01:07:09Marc:And I'm like, I kind of want a comedy club audience here.

01:07:12Guest:Yeah.

01:07:13Guest:I want people who want to laugh, not just like want to see me do well.

01:07:16Guest:But like last comic, the year after I headlined.

01:07:20Guest:Yeah.

01:07:20Guest:Because, you know, they're like, people will come, and they did.

01:07:22Guest:And I got away with headlining.

01:07:24Guest:I can't imagine.

01:07:25Guest:Like, I never got a letter complaining.

01:07:27Guest:But I can't imagine what those shows were like.

01:07:29Guest:But then I went back to featuring and, like, learning how to do stand-up and being on the road, opening for Norton, Natal, and just whatever, doing a million shows running around New York every night.

01:07:39Guest:And then just the past year and a half have started headlining big clubs and being proud of what I'm doing and not like, sorry.

01:07:48Marc:It's impressive that you came up legitimately and you're a good joke writer and you figured it out.

01:07:55Marc:And those guys showed you some love.

01:07:58Marc:Those guys aren't easy to get.

01:07:59Guest:No, what a compliment.

01:08:00Guest:Just for them to be like, you're someone I could get a cup of coffee with.

01:08:05Marc:Or open their shows.

01:08:06Guest:Yeah, trust me to...

01:08:07Marc:And you can manage those fucking hordes of... Their fans?

01:08:11Guest:Yeah.

01:08:11Guest:I love them.

01:08:12Guest:I love them.

01:08:13Guest:I love those degenerates.

01:08:16Guest:Because they know who they are.

01:08:17Guest:And I don't pretend like I'm any classier than I am.

01:08:22Guest:So when they're like...

01:08:23Marc:Do they respect you?

01:08:25Guest:Yeah.

01:08:26Marc:Oh, that's good.

01:08:26Guest:Yeah, they've been cool.

01:08:27Guest:And I do Opie and Anthony.

01:08:29Guest:Yeah, they've been, like, really nice to me.

01:08:32Guest:And, of course, somebody comes along once in a while.

01:08:33Guest:I'm sure you get this.

01:08:34Guest:Like, somebody will write on Twitter, like, I hate you.

01:08:37Guest:You're fat.

01:08:38Guest:Everybody hates you.

01:08:38Guest:And then you look in their accounts, like, I say whatever.

01:08:41Guest:And then it's all just insults to people that, you know.

01:08:44Guest:Yeah, always go back and check where it's coming from.

01:08:46Guest:I can't help it.

01:08:47Guest:I never look at who a compliment comes from.

01:08:49Guest:Oh, don't.

01:08:50Guest:I'm not encouraging negative.

01:08:51Marc:No, no, no, no.

01:08:52Marc:negative comments well i think it's that same weird like compliments are good and you're like good okay there's a little yeah but the jolt of somebody jabbing you blood rush to the head yeah you're like maybe i am worthless yeah yeah yeah who is this guy but always track it oh when am i gonna get over that some people will just make an account to shit on you

01:09:10Guest:yeah oh yeah yeah oh god one follower i want to get to the point where i don't ever feel that you know like let that show and i sometimes i'm in a mood where i i'm like i can read something and be like fuck you but sometimes i'm like oh they're right i need to stop doing this well that's if they're good they hit you where it hurts yeah but you're doing great and thanks for coming in thanks for having me mark

01:09:36Marc:That's it.

01:09:41Marc:That's our show.

01:09:42Marc:That's Amy Schumer.

01:09:43Marc:Lovely.

01:09:43Marc:The lovely Amy Schumer.

01:09:45Marc:Splendid to talk to her.

01:09:47Marc:I'm going to be in Bloomington tonight.

01:09:49Marc:That's Thursday, the 3rd through the 4th and the 5th.

01:09:53Marc:If you'd like to come to the Comedy Attic, I'll be there.

01:09:56Marc:Also, I just found out that Jerusalem Syndrome, my first book, is available on Kindle and Nook.

01:10:02Marc:Do that.

01:10:03Marc:I also want to thank Jerry for the lovely tart cookbook.

01:10:07Marc:And I want to thank Lawrence for all the Keith Richards records.

01:10:09Marc:I had no idea that they had that collection out.

01:10:11Marc:I'd like to thank Amanda for the whole wheat apple bread.

01:10:14Marc:And I'd like to thank Nicole for the lovely letter.

01:10:17Marc:And Meg sent me some prayer cards.

01:10:20Marc:Go to justcoffee.coop, get a little pow and shit your pants.

01:10:23Marc:WTF when, kick me a little few shekels on the back end of that.

01:10:27Marc:Go to WTF pod for all your WTF pod needs.

01:10:30Marc:Get on that mailing list.

01:10:31Marc:And let me recap those deals that I said at the beginning.

01:10:34Marc:The WTF app is free for the month of March.

01:10:36Marc:Once you get it, you can upgrade it and get every past episode.

01:10:40Marc:Or you can get every past episode streaming on your desktop with the WTF Premium account.

01:10:45Marc:Go to WTFPod.com, click Get the Podcast, click No iTunes, it'll take you to that page.

01:10:50Marc:For individual episodes, go to WTFPodShop.com or search WTF Premium on iTunes.

01:10:57Marc:Okay?

01:10:58Marc:Awesome.

01:10:59Marc:Anything else?

01:11:00Marc:Punch Why Magazine?

01:11:01Marc:Yep.

01:11:02Marc:All right.

01:11:03Marc:I gotta go neti pot.

01:11:06Marc:Later.