Episode 137 - Bobby Lee

00:00:49Marc:Nothing, nothing any different will happen other than a bunch of people struggling to think that the next year is going to be the year or at least better when I got to be honest with you.

00:01:01Marc:Look, when people say Happy New Year to me, my first thought is that is too much pressure, man.

00:01:07Marc:Happy New Year.

00:01:09Marc:I can barely be optimistic about tomorrow.

00:01:12Marc:I'm rarely in the present because I'm a few beats behind it or ahead of it.

00:01:16Marc:So for today's episode, I couldn't really think of a better way to start the new year than to talk to Bobby Lee because he has overcome obstacles.

00:01:24Marc:And some of them are quite disturbing, though funny, but I thought it would be an uplifting way to start the new year.

00:01:32Marc:So today we're going to talk to Bobby Lee from MADtv, if you don't know him.

00:01:37Marc:Before I get everything rolling here out of my brain and mouth, I just want to say I will be at the Sacramento Punchline this weekend.

00:01:44Marc:That is January 7th, 8th, and 9th at the Sacramento Punchline if you're up in that area.

00:01:51Marc:Am I there the 10th?

00:01:52Marc:I don't know.

00:01:53Marc:Go check.

00:01:54Marc:I do want to thank, let me see who sent this to me, because I've been steered this way before.

00:02:00Marc:Lila or Leela.

00:02:03Marc:I get books from you guys.

00:02:05Marc:And this is New Year's.

00:02:06Marc:I got this just last week.

00:02:08Marc:The Power of Now.

00:02:10Marc:A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle.

00:02:13Marc:Now, I've been given the texts, the MP3s of Eckhart Tolle.

00:02:16Marc:I couldn't listen to them.

00:02:17Marc:The Power of Now.

00:02:18Marc:How about The Power of...

00:02:21Marc:Pow!

00:02:22Marc:I just shit my pants.

00:02:23Marc:That's right, 2011.

00:02:25Marc:JustCoffee.coop, available at WTFPod.com.

00:02:30Marc:Go do it.

00:02:31Marc:It's so good.

00:02:32Marc:It is so fucking good.

00:02:33Marc:I tell you, I give this to all my guests who come to the house, and some of them have become addicted to it.

00:02:38Marc:Good coffee.

00:02:39Marc:So outside of the power of pow, how about the power of now?

00:02:43Marc:I will continue to look at this book on my desk for a while.

00:02:48Marc:I hope you had a new good year, a good New Year's Eve.

00:02:52Marc:I don't do much.

00:02:54Marc:I generally don't work.

00:02:54Marc:I think this is actually the third New Year's Eve I've spent alone.

00:02:59Marc:New Year's Eve is I have a tradition now, and I'm going to share this tradition with you.

00:03:03Marc:Now, I don't know...

00:03:04Marc:Where you grew up or what you did or whether or not you could drive or at what point you drove at.

00:03:08Marc:But I grew up in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

00:03:10Marc:We had our driver's licenses when we were about 15 years old.

00:03:13Marc:So we were out there sitting in front of liquor stores, getting people to buy us booze and driving around wasted at 15.

00:03:19Marc:Getting into trouble.

00:03:20Marc:Not really.

00:03:20Marc:Just driving around to where other kids were driving around.

00:03:24Marc:And then you park and you get out and you go, what's up?

00:03:27Marc:And they're like, not much, man.

00:03:28Marc:You going to go to that thing?

00:03:29Marc:I don't know.

00:03:30Marc:All right, well, I'll see you.

00:03:31Marc:Are you going to drive back around here later?

00:03:33Marc:Yeah, we're just going to make the rounds to the other places where people hang out and talk in the parking lot.

00:03:37Marc:All right, well, we'll probably see you around.

00:03:39Marc:Okay, so that was my high school, and it always seemed to me on New Year's Eve, and this actually lasted all the way probably up to a few years ago, if that's possible.

00:03:50Marc:Maybe not.

00:03:51Marc:Maybe high school and college.

00:03:53Marc:Always what happened is you'd be someplace, you'd be wasted, you'd be on your way to getting wasted, you'd be at a party or with people at about 11.30, 11.35, and then you decide that, fuck, we gotta get to that other party.

00:04:08Marc:We gotta get to that other place where people are having more fun than here.

00:04:11Marc:We gotta get to that place where that dude's gonna be so we can get that thing, and then we can really have fun.

00:04:17Marc:We gotta get to that place that's going to be the best place ever on New Year's.

00:04:23Marc:And I don't know how many times, but I got to tell you, most of them at eleven fifty nine and fifty seconds, I was counting down in a car in route to a place we thought would be better.

00:04:37Marc:Now, that isn't a fucking metaphor for life.

00:04:39Marc:I don't know what is.

00:04:41Marc:If we could just get to that place, man, everything's going to be okay.

00:04:47Marc:So what I've decided to do, and I'm fairly conscious of it, in honor of my past expectations about everything, I like to spend New Year's at midnight in a car alone driving home.

00:05:05Marc:May sound sad, but for me,

00:05:08Marc:It is a victory.

00:05:09Marc:No expectations.

00:05:11Marc:Just time passing.

00:05:12Marc:I don't count it down.

00:05:14Marc:I don't know even... Quite honestly, I didn't have a watch.

00:05:18Marc:I know there's a clock in my car, but it's five or six minutes fast.

00:05:21Marc:I'm not clear on exactly how fast.

00:05:23Marc:I didn't do the math.

00:05:24Marc:So really, it just went by me.

00:05:26Marc:And I just sort of casually drove into the new year with a limited amount of acknowledgement.

00:05:33Marc:Got home.

00:05:35Marc:Had a bowl of cereal.

00:05:36Marc:I know you're thinking, sounds a little sad, sounds a little lonely, Mark.

00:05:40Marc:No, it wasn't.

00:05:42Marc:Because I was in it.

00:05:45Marc:I was like, dude, it's just another day.

00:05:48Marc:This is the power of now.

00:05:51Marc:It's okay.

00:05:52Marc:You wake up, lower your expectations.

00:05:54Marc:Try to change a few things that you can.

00:05:57Marc:Be a fucking grown-up.

00:05:59Marc:That's my only resolution this year.

00:06:02Marc:Be a fucking grown-up.

00:06:06Marc:You want me to explain that?

00:06:08Marc:I had to do a very difficult thing a few weeks ago.

00:06:11Marc:I haven't been able to really talk about it.

00:06:12Marc:I'm not sure how much I want to talk about.

00:06:14Marc:Even though I talk about everything, I had to choose against my crazy fucking heart in order to protect myself and my sanity.

00:06:25Marc:You know what that's called?

00:06:27Marc:Being a fucking grown up.

00:06:30Marc:Got to take care of some shit.

00:06:31Marc:Knowing your own limitations.

00:06:33Marc:Knowing from years of being alive and making so many goddamn mistakes that I can't do everything I want to do.

00:06:40Marc:That after a certain point, I'm going to hurt myself.

00:06:46Marc:That's my New Year's resolution.

00:06:48Marc:Try not to hurt myself.

00:06:52Marc:God damn it, how come this got so grim?

00:06:55Marc:That was not the plan.

00:06:57Marc:I'm thrilled that it's a new year.

00:06:59Marc:I'm thrilled to be doing more WTFs.

00:07:01Marc:A lot of good guests coming up.

00:07:03Marc:Already did some interviews.

00:07:04Marc:Good times.

00:07:05Marc:This is going to be a good year for you, for me, for people we know perhaps.

00:07:11Marc:See, that's that kind of blind optimism that I can't deal with.

00:07:13Marc:Hey, this is going to be the year.

00:07:15Marc:Is it?

00:07:18Marc:Let me look at this book.

00:07:21Marc:Let me just turn to one fucking page in this book.

00:07:26Marc:Okay.

00:07:26Marc:Let's just do it spontaneously.

00:07:28Marc:All right.

00:07:28Marc:We're going to do the power of now power exercise.

00:07:32Marc:I don't know this book.

00:07:33Marc:Frankly, I find Eckhart Tolle annoying.

00:07:35Marc:So let's just flip it open.

00:07:37Marc:Stop.

00:07:38Marc:Please examine where your attention is at this moment.

00:07:42Marc:Okay, I'm in it.

00:07:43Marc:You are listening to me or you are reading these words in a book that is the focus of your attention.

00:07:47Marc:Fine.

00:07:48Marc:You are also peripherally aware of your surroundings.

00:07:50Marc:Right.

00:07:50Marc:Books, clutter, coffee cup, other people.

00:07:53Marc:There's no one here, but there's some people in my mind and so on.

00:07:56Marc:Right.

00:07:57Marc:OK, those people.

00:07:58Marc:Furthermore, there may be some mind activity around you that you are hearing or reading some mental commentary.

00:08:03Marc:Yes, there is.

00:08:04Marc:I'm on a microphone commenting on reading this book for the first time at a in a spontaneous way.

00:08:10Marc:Yet there is no need for any of us to absorb all your attention.

00:08:14Marc:I don't understand that at all.

00:08:15Marc:See if you can be in touch with your inner body at the same time.

00:08:19Marc:OK, so I'm reading this.

00:08:20Marc:I'm talking about reading it and I'm feeling my guts.

00:08:22Marc:Keep some of your attention within.

00:08:24Marc:All right.

00:08:26Marc:I'm focusing on my my my just just my between my belly button and my and my my my cock.

00:08:36Marc:Don't let it flow out.

00:08:37Marc:No, I can't.

00:08:39Marc:That would be bad.

00:08:39Marc:I have to go to the bathroom.

00:08:40Marc:Fill your whole body from within as a single field of energy.

00:08:46Marc:Okay.

00:08:48Marc:It is almost as if you were listening or reading with your whole body.

00:08:52Marc:Let this be your practice in the days and weeks to come.

00:08:57Marc:Oh, my God.

00:08:59Marc:Look, we'll do the best we can.

00:09:04Okay.

00:09:14Marc:I'm talking to Bobby Lee.

00:09:16Marc:I don't know how to put this on, man.

00:09:20Marc:Put those on.

00:09:22Marc:Can you hear yourself?

00:09:22Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:09:23Marc:It's good, right?

00:09:24Marc:Yeah, it's nice.

00:09:25Marc:Technology.

00:09:26Marc:So Bobby Lee just got here, and he walked in, and I said, have you listened to the show?

00:09:31Marc:And you said... I said, it's got good numbers.

00:09:35Marc:You said you heard it's got good numbers.

00:09:37Marc:Yeah.

00:09:37Marc:So you never listen to the show.

00:09:39Guest:Well, it's like, I mean, I've done other podcasts.

00:09:43Guest:Sometimes I do Corolla.

00:09:44Guest:I sound like I listen to it.

00:09:46Guest:I understand.

00:09:46Guest:It's like, I'm a fan of you.

00:09:49Guest:I like you.

00:09:50Guest:I'm not judging you.

00:09:51Guest:I mean, who's got time?

00:09:52Guest:Well, I just sometimes... Because I don't know.

00:09:53Guest:There's a relationship that I have with you that I have with no other.

00:09:59Guest:Which is... It's like...

00:10:03Guest:I don't know what it is.

00:10:04Guest:I adore you, but then, you know, I feel like sometimes you don't like me.

00:10:11Marc:And what did that look like?

00:10:12Marc:Is it basically the same thing you're doing now?

00:10:14Guest:What do you mean?

00:10:15Marc:I mean, what joke?

00:10:16Guest:See, this is exactly why I had a fear.

00:10:21Guest:I have fears.

00:10:22Guest:You don't have to have fears.

00:10:23Guest:I'm just busting.

00:10:24Guest:No, no, no.

00:10:25Guest:I'm busting your balls.

00:10:26Guest:But that's the thing, though.

00:10:27Guest:Every time.

00:10:27Guest:But, Mark, that's the thing, though, that, you know what I mean, whenever I see you.

00:10:31Guest:It happens.

00:10:32Guest:Because the thing is that I've seen your specials, you know what I mean?

00:10:36Guest:Even before I did stand up, I was aware of you, you know what I mean?

00:10:39Guest:And I was a fan.

00:10:40Guest:And the thing is that there is that thing, you know what I mean?

00:10:43Marc:Well, let me just tell you one thing.

00:10:44Marc:Yeah.

00:10:44Marc:I always enjoy watching you.

00:10:46Marc:And the only reason I bust your balls with that particular thing, and it's always the same thing, is because I know you bust your own balls about writing new jokes.

00:10:54Marc:So it's the only reason that I bust your balls, because you always say you're going to try some new stuff.

00:10:59Marc:But I have lately.

00:11:00Marc:I know, but 80% of the time you don't, and you get off and you look at me knowing that I'm thinking what I'm thinking.

00:11:06Marc:And that's really the only tension.

00:11:08Marc:Yeah, I guess so, yeah.

00:11:09Marc:It really is.

00:11:10Marc:I mean, I have nothing but good thoughts about you, and I want you to do well.

00:11:13Guest:But I think you have a thing, though, with... You have a thing with when people are trying to get the audience to like them, like, in terms of trying to be too likable or too... You know what I mean?

00:11:25Guest:Yeah.

00:11:26Guest:And...

00:11:27Guest:I want people to like me so badly on stage that I think that you don't like that about me.

00:11:33Marc:No, I do like it, and I understand it.

00:11:35Marc:But I believe that you're one of those guys, you're so naturally funny, there's very few things.

00:11:40Marc:It would be hard for you not to be funny up there.

00:11:43Marc:That's not true, but...

00:11:44Marc:No, I know, but you're the one who causes it if it happens.

00:11:47Marc:I mean, I've seen you just make decisions on stage where you assume, like, you know, you're one of those people, though, if the laughs aren't, like, you know, blowing the fucking roof off, you're like, oh, shit.

00:11:57Marc:It's fucking, that was terrible.

00:11:58Marc:Yeah.

00:11:59Guest:But that's crazy.

00:12:00Guest:It is crazy.

00:12:01Guest:But you know what?

00:12:02Guest:Can I say this?

00:12:02Guest:I'm going to defend myself.

00:12:04Guest:Because I've been having to headline and stuff.

00:12:07Guest:And I can't worry about that anymore, really.

00:12:10Guest:You just got to do the job.

00:12:12Guest:Well, I just, yeah.

00:12:12Guest:I mean, just I can't.

00:12:14Guest:Because you do so many shows.

00:12:15Guest:In a week.

00:12:17Guest:Yeah, and you have to do so much time.

00:12:18Guest:Yeah.

00:12:19Guest:That's the thing that went, which is that whole paranoia.

00:12:23Guest:Yeah.

00:12:23Guest:It's hard to keep that level up, isn't it?

00:12:26Guest:Yeah, even like second show on a Friday, it's like you can't control the insanity.

00:12:30Guest:No, no.

00:12:32Guest:It's the worst.

00:12:33Guest:It's the worst.

00:12:33Marc:But I think actually, I think Saturdays have become worse because for some reason people are, I don't know if their expectations are higher, they've been sitting around all day.

00:12:42Marc:Are you able to generalize it all?

00:12:44Guest:Well, I just know certain markets that I just can't play, really.

00:12:48Guest:Like what?

00:12:49Guest:Miami.

00:12:50Guest:Why?

00:12:51Guest:Because it's beach ethnic people.

00:12:56Marc:You know what I mean?

00:12:57Marc:Yeah, the weird, it's like all different types of ethnicities, but it's about 19 different types of Latino.

00:13:03Guest:Because of the sun, though, they all kind of look the same.

00:13:05Guest:You know what I mean?

00:13:06Guest:Yeah.

00:13:06Guest:And they have no etiquette whatsoever, I think, when it comes to shows.

00:13:10Marc:Well, it's like that party vibe.

00:13:12Marc:It's just a big party down there.

00:13:13Marc:It's awful.

00:13:13Marc:I don't understand how people have a good time in general.

00:13:16Marc:And when they're out there, it looks like there's groups of them and they've had a great day.

00:13:20Marc:Yeah.

00:13:20Guest:I mean, who the fuck can... I performed on a Friday Night Seconds show in Miami and literally a couple was dancing halfway during my set.

00:13:27Yeah.

00:13:27Guest:Like up, standing up, dancing.

00:13:31Guest:You know what I mean?

00:13:31Guest:And I'm like, I don't know what to do with this.

00:13:34Guest:Spontaneously?

00:13:35Guest:I don't know.

00:13:36Guest:Maybe they were dancing the whole time.

00:13:37Guest:I wasn't aware that they were.

00:13:39Guest:Was there music?

00:13:40Guest:No, there's no music.

00:13:41Guest:You know what I mean?

00:13:43Guest:But my performance was so bad.

00:13:44Guest:Because they just, they want the...

00:13:47Guest:Like the Gary Owens.

00:13:49Guest:You know who Gary Owens is?

00:13:51Guest:He's a white, but he's black guy?

00:13:53Guest:No.

00:13:54Guest:There's a white guy who I'm friends with.

00:13:56Guest:He's huge in the urban market, and he does the ghetto kind of like, yeah, black.

00:14:02Guest:Oh, yeah, right, right, right.

00:14:03Guest:And they just eat that up, really.

00:14:05Marc:But your stuff is pretty thoughtful.

00:14:07Marc:I mean, you grew up on the beach.

00:14:13Marc:What?

00:14:14Marc:I don't know.

00:14:15Marc:What do you mean?

00:14:16Marc:Where'd you grow up?

00:14:16Guest:I grew up in San Diego, but not on a beach.

00:14:18Guest:I thought that was the beach.

00:14:20Guest:No, I grew up in Poway, which is like 35 minutes inland, which we never went to the beach.

00:14:25Guest:I mean, some people did, but back then it was more of a farming kind of community.

00:14:30Guest:So your family was farmers?

00:14:32Guest:No, no, no.

00:14:32Guest:They owned clothing stores called Fashion Gal.

00:14:35Guest:Oh, really?

00:14:35Guest:Back in the 80s, yeah.

00:14:37Guest:No, it was kind of like those country clubs.

00:14:39Guest:It was kind of rich, actually.

00:14:40Guest:Yeah.

00:14:41Guest:Yeah, it was higher income.

00:14:42Marc:And what did you, I mean, when did you start doing comedy?

00:14:46Marc:I was 23.

00:14:48Guest:But what happened was, well, you know, I've always had a drug problem.

00:14:55Guest:Okay.

00:14:55Guest:And I, when I was 17, I was a junior in high school.

00:14:59Guest:I got sober because I had a meth problem.

00:15:02Marc:Has it been that long?

00:15:03Guest:Well, no, I went back out.

00:15:04Marc:Well, let's talk about this.

00:15:05Marc:17, you had a meth problem.

00:15:06Marc:I can't even imagine you on meth.

00:15:08Marc:I mean, were you thinner?

00:15:09Marc:Were you funny on meth?

00:15:10Marc:No.

00:15:11Guest:I was, well, you know, on my act, I think what happened was in my act, you know, I talk about how a guy with Down syndrome molested me, right?

00:15:21Guest:Yeah, I love that.

00:15:23Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:23Guest:Your father, do the line.

00:15:25Guest:What?

00:15:25Guest:You're your father.

00:15:26Guest:Oh, whenever I brought girls over, he would tell that story.

00:15:28Guest:Like, when Bobby was a little kid, he was molested by a retarded person.

00:15:34Yeah.

00:15:34Guest:You know?

00:15:35Guest:Every time.

00:15:36Guest:Yeah, every day.

00:15:36Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:15:37Guest:I love that.

00:15:37Guest:He was just not even hello or like it into like, who are you?

00:15:40Guest:That's like his opening lines.

00:15:43Guest:You know what I mean?

00:15:43Guest:And he thought it was hilarious.

00:15:45Guest:How could he let the guy do that to him?

00:15:49Guest:But anyway, I was molested by this guy.

00:15:51Guest:When you were 17?

00:15:53Guest:No, when I was nine, eight, nine-ish.

00:15:56Guest:That happened in Minnesota, right?

00:15:58Guest:And then we moved to San Diego.

00:16:00Guest:And then as soon as I got to San Diego, I was just lost.

00:16:04Guest:I couldn't get good grades.

00:16:05Guest:And Asians really want you to have good grades.

00:16:07Marc:And you think it was because of the molestation?

00:16:08Marc:I don't know.

00:16:09Marc:I was born wrong, you know what I mean?

00:16:11Marc:But if you don't mind, who was this retarded guy?

00:16:14Guest:I don't know.

00:16:15Guest:Why were you there?

00:16:17Guest:Well, in Minnesota, I lived in Edina.

00:16:19Guest:And during the summers, there's ice skating rinks that are outside.

00:16:24Guest:But during the summer, they're like grass, just fields of grass, right?

00:16:28Guest:So there was one by my house that had this guy with Down syndrome who mowed the lawn.

00:16:34Guest:You know what I mean?

00:16:35Guest:During the summers, right?

00:16:35Guest:And he had a shack, which he lived in.

00:16:38Guest:It was a single bed.

00:16:39Guest:And he had all these rafters in this shack.

00:16:41Guest:And he had candy up there.

00:16:43Guest:And I guess he would lure kids in.

00:16:45Guest:You know what I mean?

00:16:46Guest:And it wasn't like he stuck his finger... I mean, can you get... How detailed can you?

00:16:50Guest:As detailed as you want.

00:16:51Guest:It's not like he... You know, he fucked.

00:16:54Guest:He had sex with you.

00:16:54Guest:You know what I mean?

00:16:55Guest:But, you know, he would fondle your genitals and stuff like that.

00:16:58Guest:But I went there for the candy.

00:17:00Guest:You know what I mean?

00:17:02Guest:And I went... You got so much more.

00:17:04Guest:I got so much more.

00:17:05Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:17:07Marc:Yeah, but the thing is is that I am would keep coming back for the candy I didn't care about the the genital that's I think that's where my addiction started maybe oh so I see so the shame of it was like as you got older that it sort of try to reconcile this idea that you would keep going back for candy even though this yeah this mentally disabled person would play with your balls

00:17:28Marc:It can cause you a little shattering in the sense of self.

00:17:32Guest:But I think it's even deeper than that.

00:17:33Guest:I think it's just that I just, you know, I just want this fix.

00:17:37Guest:You know what I mean?

00:17:38Guest:And I'll do anything I can.

00:17:39Guest:And I don't care what the consequences are.

00:17:42Guest:Right.

00:17:42Guest:I just want what I want.

00:17:44Guest:So when you got to San Diego, you were lost?

00:17:46Guest:I turned to the meth.

00:17:47Guest:Really?

00:17:47Guest:Yeah.

00:17:48Guest:Well, pot, you know, the gateway and cigarettes pot.

00:17:52Guest:Back then, there was no really heroin in Poway.

00:17:54Guest:It was more meth.

00:17:56Guest:You're lucky.

00:17:57Guest:And LSD.

00:17:57Guest:In a way.

00:17:58Guest:Yeah, I guess so, yeah.

00:17:59Guest:So, like, did you get really fucking strung out?

00:18:01Guest:Really bad, yeah.

00:18:02Guest:I stole, like, $15,000 from my parents' safe, bought a bunch of drugs, and I ran away from home for a month.

00:18:08Guest:Yeah.

00:18:09Guest:You know what I mean?

00:18:10Guest:And I was just one of those kids that, like, I don't know.

00:18:12Guest:Were you angry?

00:18:14Yeah.

00:18:14Guest:Because you seem like such a sweet guy now.

00:18:16Guest:Well, I'm sober again for almost eight years, so I think that has something to do with it.

00:18:20Marc:So you stayed sober for how long?

00:18:21Marc:There at 12-ish.

00:18:22Marc:Did you go to rehab?

00:18:23Marc:Yeah.

00:18:23Guest:Oh, so you did the whole thing?

00:18:24Guest:I went to McDonald's Center.

00:18:25Guest:Yeah.

00:18:25Guest:Yeah, and I went to this place called Ocean View.

00:18:27Guest:I went to two in high school.

00:18:29Guest:Yeah.

00:18:29Guest:And then stayed sober, and then when I got on Mad TV, I relapsed.

00:18:33Guest:On what?

00:18:34Guest:On Valium at first, and then it turned into like a 30 Vicodin a day addiction.

00:18:41Guest:Holy shit.

00:18:41Marc:You must have been like sort of, were you crawling around?

00:18:43Marc:No, you build to that.

00:18:45Guest:Oh, you got to work up to it?

00:18:46Marc:Yeah, you work up to it.

00:18:48Marc:Now, what was it about?

00:18:49Marc:Okay, so we'll get to that in a minute.

00:18:50Marc:So you're fucked up.

00:18:51Marc:You're all cranked out.

00:18:52Marc:You're fighting with your parents over this.

00:18:55Marc:They probably hate you.

00:18:56Marc:Though your father seems pretty funny, but not necessarily the most interesting.

00:18:59Marc:No, back then, no, no, no.

00:19:00Marc:He was not funny.

00:19:00Guest:No.

00:19:01Guest:No, I mean, they're traditional Korean people, so they, you know, if you get a C on your report card, you get hit.

00:19:06Guest:You know what I mean?

00:19:07Guest:I've talked to a couple of Koreans.

00:19:08Guest:That's really true.

00:19:09Guest:Yeah, true.

00:19:09Guest:There's a pressure.

00:19:10Guest:Yeah, there's a pressure.

00:19:11Guest:But then when you, most Koreans, when they get hit, when they get a C, kids, right, they change their attitude and they get straight A's.

00:19:19Guest:But I went the other way, you know what I mean?

00:19:20Marc:But aren't they fucked up grownups?

00:19:21Marc:Aren't they like, you know, kind of control freaky, perfectionist, sort of self-hating grownups?

00:19:26Marc:Who, like, Koreans in general?

00:19:27Marc:Yeah, I mean, who, with that type of discipline.

00:19:30Guest:You know I have this thing where it's like you know can remember like when In Virginia Tech when Cho Sung-wee shut the school right?

00:19:37Guest:Yeah See I blame that on the parents his parents uh-huh because he got good grades You know I mean he was talking to invisible people he had no friends at all He was like a weirdo right he had massive problems Yeah, but they didn't address those problems because he got good grades and he was going to college right?

00:19:55Guest:Right

00:19:56Guest:So I blame his behavior and him shooting up that school kind of on his parents because if you notice, when that shit happened, his parents, they went straight to Korea.

00:20:07Guest:They disappeared.

00:20:08Guest:Oh, really?

00:20:08Guest:Out of shame.

00:20:09Guest:You can't find an interview with them.

00:20:11Guest:They haven't justified, you know what I mean, why?

00:20:14Guest:Well, he was clearly sick.

00:20:16Guest:Yeah, but the thing is that when you have a kid that has sick, he should be on medication.

00:20:20Guest:Right.

00:20:20Guest:I mean, there should be some sort of, you know,

00:20:23Guest:Intervention in some way, you know, right which they didn't do right and in many ways Korean parents in general I don't I don't generalize it but in a lot of Korean parents View their kids as trophies in many ways like they you know if they get good grades They're fine, you know, I mean, but they don't really care about About how good their kid is as a person, right?

00:20:45Marc:So is that a community thing was there a big Korean community?

00:20:48Marc:I think

00:20:48Marc:I don't know, it's just my theory.

00:20:50Marc:No, I mean, in Poway, were there other Korean families?

00:20:53Guest:Yeah, I have cousins and stuff like that, you know what I mean?

00:20:54Guest:So we all went through.

00:20:55Guest:So you got the ship eaten out of you and you didn't change?

00:20:58Guest:Well, it stopped eventually because I would fight back.

00:21:02Guest:Really?

00:21:03Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:21:03Guest:I mean, one time, this is so bad.

00:21:05Guest:One time I ran away from home and my mom, I was gone for like a week and I was like 16 and I had to come back home to get clothes.

00:21:15Guest:You know what I mean?

00:21:16Guest:Yeah.

00:21:16Guest:And my mom had, I didn't know my mom was home.

00:21:19Guest:I snuck in the house, right?

00:21:21Guest:And my mom was sleeping on my bed crying because I'd been gone for a week.

00:21:24Guest:Yeah.

00:21:25Guest:And for some reason I just beat the shit out of her.

00:21:27Guest:Oh my God.

00:21:28Guest:I know, it was awful.

00:21:29Guest:I was so, I was so loaded, dude.

00:21:32Guest:You know what I mean?

00:21:33Guest:Yeah.

00:21:33Guest:I just hit her in the face like a bunch of times.

00:21:35Guest:Like she was bleeding.

00:21:36Guest:I mean, I was an awful kid, you know?

00:21:38Guest:How old were you then?

00:21:38Guest:15?

00:21:38Guest:16.

00:21:39Guest:Oh my God.

00:21:40Guest:But then right after that, at 17,

00:21:43Guest:I got clean, you know?

00:21:44Guest:And then, you know, obviously, I stayed at home until I was 21.

00:21:47Guest:You know, I made my amends.

00:21:49Marc:Yeah.

00:21:49Guest:Did you go back to school and finish up?

00:21:51Guest:I went to junior college, and I dropped out, and then I just moved out, and I moved to La Jolla.

00:21:56Guest:And I worked at a coffee shop at 22, and right next to the coffee shop was a comedy store.

00:22:01Guest:That vine-covered building.

00:22:03Marc:Yeah.

00:22:04Marc:It's like the earth is trying to take it back.

00:22:07Marc:It's San Diego.

00:22:08Marc:This is...

00:22:08Marc:This beautiful beach town.

00:22:10Marc:And you walk into the comedy store down there, which is completely covered in ivy.

00:22:14Marc:And you walk in and it's like, oh my God, she's brought the darkness here.

00:22:17Guest:Yeah, but there's also the blackness behind the ivy.

00:22:22Guest:So it makes it look mythological and very creepy.

00:22:25Marc:It is mythological.

00:22:26Marc:So you started doing open mics there?

00:22:28Marc:Yeah.

00:22:29Guest:And they took to you.

00:22:30Marc:Who was the first one?

00:22:31Guest:Fred Burns.

00:22:31Guest:Do you remember him?

00:22:33Guest:He had spinal bifida.

00:22:35Guest:And he was on crutches.

00:22:36Guest:He was the manager there for years.

00:22:38Marc:I never did La Jolla.

00:22:39Marc:My history with the comedy store is very intense and it's very short at a specific period in its history.

00:22:45Marc:Yeah, you worked at Dora though, right?

00:22:46Marc:I worked at Dora in 87.

00:22:47Marc:87, yeah.

00:22:48Marc:But I didn't hang in because I lost my mind on drugs within a year.

00:22:53Marc:Yeah.

00:22:53Marc:But because there was so much going on then, I sort of got integrated into the mythology of the place.

00:22:58Marc:But I was one of those people that believed it.

00:23:00Marc:But it's only to a certain people.

00:23:02Marc:Some people look at the comedy store, they're like, what the fuck is wrong with those freaks over there?

00:23:06Marc:Some people wouldn't even go near the place.

00:23:07Marc:And then there are those people that never leave the place.

00:23:10Marc:I think that not unlike you, it seems that there's a certain type of wayward soul that wants to get into comedy, but also really needs the structure, some sort of dark parental structure.

00:23:21Marc:Yeah, like a Sith Lord.

00:23:22Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:24Marc:Like, regular people that are mildly well-adjusted, they don't fucking hang out at the comedy store.

00:23:28Marc:Right, right, right.

00:23:28Marc:You know, but all these freaks and weirdos and people, like, it's interesting.

00:23:32Marc:You come from that background and somehow or another you find your way into this pit of darkness.

00:23:36Marc:Yeah.

00:23:36Marc:And then you become really a product of the store.

00:23:39Marc:Like, when I was there, I was sort of half-observing and I never locked in completely, but I definitely felt that, like, this was home.

00:23:45Marc:You know, that, like, I would go there during the day.

00:23:47Marc:I'd make coffee.

00:23:48Marc:I'd listen to CDs in the OR.

00:23:50Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:51Marc:I was living in Cresthill.

00:23:52Marc:Yeah.

00:23:52Marc:It just seems like all my needs were being met by this weird witch of a woman who was at the top of this pyramid who you rarely saw, but she would talk to you through three or four people who were trying to interpret her fucking insanity.

00:24:04Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:24:05Marc:But you grew to really be afraid of her.

00:24:07Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:24:07Marc:I mean, she still instills that fear in me.

00:24:09Guest:You know what I mean?

00:24:10Marc:And then when she walks in, you're always like, hi, Missy.

00:24:13Marc:Hi.

00:24:13Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:24:14Marc:And you almost don't want to be seen.

00:24:15Marc:I remember she'd come, and sometimes you'd try to avoid seeing her because you never knew when she was going to go, you can't work here anymore for no fucking reason at all.

00:24:23Guest:And she has 19 shawls and scarves all over her head.

00:24:26Marc:Dude, she told me I should wear a scarf.

00:24:28Marc:She said, you're a poet.

00:24:30Marc:You should wear a scarf.

00:24:31Marc:So for three weeks, I was wearing a fucking scarf.

00:24:33Guest:She used to do that, right?

00:24:34Guest:Change people.

00:24:34Guest:That's what happened to Carlos, right?

00:24:36Guest:She changed his name.

00:24:38Guest:He came in as Ned Holness, and she goes, you're Carlos Monsignor.

00:24:41Marc:Yeah, he made, I don't remember what the story was, but all right, so you're in La Jolla, you start doing comedy, you're sober, and what was that moment where you realized this is the fucking shit?

00:24:52Marc:I mean, did you just like, did you always have an idea?

00:24:55Guest:No, when I showed up there, no one liked locally.

00:24:59Guest:In fact, I still have enemies down there.

00:25:01Guest:Oh, because there was a local comedy scene?

00:25:03Guest:Yeah, there was a local comedy scene.

00:25:04Guest:And you won.

00:25:05Guest:Well, I didn't win.

00:25:06Guest:They hate me.

00:25:07Marc:No, but I mean, you rose up quickly, and so they won.

00:25:10Guest:Yeah, I mean, I became a regular pretty fast, and I didn't have a lot of friends down there.

00:25:16Guest:Why?

00:25:17Guest:Well, there was this guy named Wally Wong.

00:25:19Guest:Yeah.

00:25:20Guest:You know what I mean?

00:25:21Guest:he was like this asian comic that had been there for 20 years he's awful yeah nice guy you know i mean sure awful nice guy nice guy he's just not good and um i did a show after six months of doing it i got invited to do make me laugh which was on comedy central when they first did it right all right the re the remake of the remake yeah the remake yeah and mark cohen was the host yeah and yeah and um

00:25:44Guest:I had maybe five minutes of material bro and I went on the show and they kept calling on me right the contestants yeah so by the fourth time I I took I didn't take one of Wally's jokes it was like a hacky premise yeah that I kind of changed at the moment what was it basically it's an obvious it's so hacky it was basically his joke was

00:26:08Guest:Asian people look alike.

00:26:09Guest:You know, my family shared one ID.

00:26:12Guest:Yeah.

00:26:12Guest:Right?

00:26:13Guest:Yeah.

00:26:14Guest:My joke was, you know, Asian people look alike.

00:26:17Guest:Right?

00:26:17Guest:I had my grandmother go to school for me.

00:26:19Guest:You know what I mean?

00:26:19Guest:She went to prom.

00:26:20Guest:She got laid.

00:26:21Guest:You know what I mean?

00:26:21Guest:I kind of extended it.

00:26:22Guest:You know what I mean?

00:26:22Guest:Yeah, it's sort of a different joke.

00:26:24Guest:But it's still the same premise.

00:26:26Guest:Well, he told everyone, you know, he made a big stink that I'm a thief.

00:26:29Guest:You know what I mean?

00:26:30Guest:Yeah.

00:26:30Guest:And then I apologized.

00:26:31Guest:He didn't talk to me.

00:26:33Guest:You know what I mean?

00:26:33Guest:And then I just soon after that, I moved up to...

00:26:36Marc:It's interesting about about stealing in that situation because that that happens more so than not that, you know, when somebody makes a decision to eat because you were obviously aware of it and it really isn't that the same joke.

00:26:48Marc:And you're right.

00:26:49Marc:It is a fairly standard premise.

00:26:51Marc:But I've heard that before of guys who get opportunities that they're maybe not ready for yet.

00:26:56Marc:Yeah.

00:26:56Marc:And they've only got so much material.

00:26:59Marc:And then all of a sudden they're stuck.

00:27:00Marc:And all they know is to go for the joke in their mind that works.

00:27:03Guest:Yeah.

00:27:04Marc:I was desperate.

00:27:04Guest:I remember sweating, going, I don't have anything clean.

00:27:09Guest:I only have five minutes.

00:27:10Guest:I don't know what to do.

00:27:12Guest:So I remember hearing him tell that joke, and I just switched it in my mind, going, it's okay to do that.

00:27:17Guest:I'm a guilt-ridden person.

00:27:21Guest:So I did it, and obviously the ride home was the worst.

00:27:25Guest:Because you're beating yourself up about it.

00:27:27Guest:Yeah, and I did the right thing.

00:27:30Guest:I apologized to the guy.

00:27:31Guest:I go, you know, I was on this thing, this and that, and everyone just didn't like it.

00:27:36Marc:But there's that weird line with comics.

00:27:38Marc:It's an unforgivable transgression, and it sort of hangs over you.

00:27:42Marc:It's good that it didn't hang over you forever, but you're so fucking self-conscious.

00:27:45Marc:You have to be aware of it.

00:27:47Marc:A guy I know up in Kirkland, Washington, some black dude I work with, had the best take on that one.

00:27:51Marc:He was a black guy, and he was talking about how he's... I can't remember the setup of the joke, but the way he stopped thinking that all Asians look alike.

00:28:01Marc:It was like he's got this one Asian friend named Steve, and he realized one day when he saw some other Asians, he said, hey, you're not Steve.

00:28:09Guest:That's funny.

00:28:11Marc:That's funny.

00:28:12Marc:That's funny.

00:28:14Marc:I thought that was a good one.

00:28:16Marc:All right, so how long before you got Mad TV?

00:28:19Marc:So you started when you were 23, and you did the Make Me Laugh on what, like within two years?

00:28:24Marc:You're very good at this.

00:28:25Marc:What?

00:28:25Guest:Just this whole process.

00:28:27Marc:Oh.

00:28:28Guest:Well, thanks.

00:28:28Guest:You're on it.

00:28:29Marc:Well, no, we're just having a conversation, and I'm getting to know you.

00:28:31Marc:I don't know that much about you, and it's always so weird and tense.

00:28:34Marc:And I've been...

00:28:37Marc:I've been sort of a dick to you only because you're cute, and you respond just the way I want you to.

00:28:44Marc:You get all weird and squirrely.

00:28:45Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:28:45Marc:It's funny.

00:28:46Marc:Okay.

00:28:47Marc:But I won't do it anymore.

00:28:48Marc:Mark, you can do whatever you want.

00:28:50Marc:You know what I mean?

00:28:50Marc:But there's been a couple times where you're like, I don't have to deal with this anymore.

00:28:53Marc:Like, you literally said to me, like, you know, I'm not going to fucking... You know, you got mad at me.

00:28:57Marc:Like, I hurt you.

00:28:58Guest:Yeah, because I know... I mean, you come from... I mean, I don't know you a great deal, but I know...

00:29:04Marc:enough to know that you're a good guy you know yeah you know i mean so it's like you know that's that yeah i don't know why like i've been reading up on this shit because like i'm recently hitting some other sort of bottom with uh with the relationships like like um you know al-anon and shit and codependency and like you know just what a freak i am but like there's this thing that people do

00:29:24Marc:that are like you're insecure or want to take control of a dynamic very quickly.

00:29:29Marc:And that's sort of like take a little shot to put the other person on the defensive.

00:29:34Marc:Basically, it's breaking through your boundaries.

00:29:36Marc:When I do that to you, when I say sort of like any new stuff, I'm like inside your head like immediately.

00:29:42Marc:Because you're good in that way.

00:29:43Marc:Yeah, I know, but it's not a great talent to have.

00:29:47Guest:It's not like some sort of gift.

00:29:49Guest:I know, but I know what you're doing now.

00:29:51Guest:You know what I mean?

00:29:51Guest:In the beginning, I didn't know.

00:29:52Guest:I go, but I just had a conversation with Mark that was very pleasant last week.

00:29:58Guest:And then he comes in and he goes, says something like, you're a strong feature or something like, you know, whatever you might say.

00:30:03Guest:You know what I mean?

00:30:04Guest:That's such an ass.

00:30:05Marc:And then you're like, oh, why did he hurt me?

00:30:07Marc:And also, I get in a bad mood when I go over there.

00:30:10Marc:It makes me very fucking nervous.

00:30:11Marc:No matter how much success I get in my life, if I go into the comedy store and I see the back wall and just sort of like, it's like, oh my God, why am I still fighting this fight?

00:30:20Marc:But you're a fixture there now.

00:30:22Marc:Kinda.

00:30:22Marc:I mean, I don't go as often.

00:30:24Marc:All it takes, if I have one shitty set there and I can't come back for three weeks because I just don't want to deal with it.

00:30:32Marc:I don't want to give that place any sort of leverage over my sense of self.

00:30:36Marc:Yeah, right because you can do a few sets there and let if you do like two weeks in a row there You can easily walk away thinking like I'm no good at this anymore.

00:30:44Marc:Something's gone wrong.

00:30:45Guest:Yeah, but it helps I think it helps so in many ways I think it helps in many ways and in terms of like, you know, I mean you you go like a gym.

00:30:51Marc:Yeah Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:30:53Marc:Yeah, I know I agree.

00:30:54Marc:Yeah, I'd so alright So what you did make me laugh at 24

00:30:57Marc:Yeah.

00:30:58Marc:Now, how quick did the opportunity for Mad TV come?

00:31:00Guest:Oh, years later.

00:31:01Guest:I lived in Silver Lake with seven guys in one bedroom apartment.

00:31:06Guest:Anyone we know?

00:31:08Guest:One guy, he slept there many times.

00:31:10Guest:Wee Man from Jackass back then.

00:31:12Guest:Oh, really?

00:31:13Guest:Yeah, he would spend the night.

00:31:14Guest:A lot of skaters spent the night.

00:31:16Guest:They called it the dumpster.

00:31:17Guest:In Silver Lake?

00:31:18Guest:In Silver Lake, yeah.

00:31:19Guest:Wow.

00:31:19Guest:It was on Sanborn, which later, Natasha Leggero and Duncan moved into that building, you know what I mean?

00:31:26Guest:And also a bunch of Mad TV moved in when I, anyway.

00:31:30Marc:Bunch of scary, Wee Man, the little person?

00:31:32Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:33Marc:So you had a little person hanging around?

00:31:35Guest:We had a little person.

00:31:36Guest:We had a guy named Hippie Dave, which was a 55-year-old hippie who slept in the living room, long hair, dreads, incense.

00:31:46Guest:And then we had a 16-year-old runaway girl named Sophie, a blonde from Beverly Hills.

00:31:52Guest:She had ran away from home, and she was on meth.

00:31:54Marc:She ran in Crest Town?

00:31:56Guest:And she lived in our apartment.

00:31:58Guest:So there's a lot of drugs there.

00:31:59Guest:Yeah, I was sober, though, at the time.

00:32:01Marc:A lot of drinking and drugs, and that's a classic Hollywood freak show setup.

00:32:05Marc:Yeah.

00:32:05Marc:You have people that were kind of in the business, and then like riff-raff.

00:32:09Guest:Yeah, skaters, you know what I mean?

00:32:10Guest:Poets.

00:32:11Guest:Shit being stolen?

00:32:12Guest:No.

00:32:13Marc:No?

00:32:13Guest:It was cool?

00:32:13Guest:We had nothing to steal.

00:32:14Guest:There was no TV, nothing.

00:32:16Guest:And my brother had built a Cambodian kind of like a makeshift house inside my closet with bamboo and stuff.

00:32:23Guest:You know what I mean?

00:32:23Guest:He lived there for years.

00:32:24Guest:You know what I mean?

00:32:25Guest:He lived in your closet?

00:32:26Guest:Yeah, he lived in my closet.

00:32:27Guest:He had made like shelving.

00:32:28Guest:It was unbelievable.

00:32:29Guest:You know what I mean?

00:32:29Marc:And there was a bed?

00:32:31Guest:Yeah, he had like this little Ikea little setup in there.

00:32:33Guest:You know what I mean?

00:32:34Guest:And then I had a girlfriend, Amy, who lived there too.

00:32:37Guest:In the closet?

00:32:38Guest:No, she lived in my room.

00:32:40Guest:But he lived in the closet.

00:32:42Fuck.

00:32:43Guest:It was awful, bro.

00:32:45Guest:And we were so broke.

00:32:47Guest:Because Mitzi didn't put me up for years.

00:32:49Guest:So then what happened was one day I got a commercial agent.

00:32:54Guest:This Korean dude named Lawrence, who I'm still with.

00:32:57Guest:And he would send... When I first got into this commercial agency, they would only send me in for Asian or ethnic parts.

00:33:06Guest:So when Lawrence became an agent, he's like, fuck it.

00:33:10Guest:I'm putting Bobby in

00:33:11Guest:I'm submitting it for everything.

00:33:14Guest:You know what I mean?

00:33:15Guest:So I went in for this thing that they wanted for just a white guy.

00:33:19Guest:So I went in and I got it and it paid me so much money.

00:33:23Guest:It changed everything.

00:33:25Guest:Really?

00:33:26Guest:Yeah, it was an IBM spot and it paid me so much money that I left my brother in the hut.

00:33:34Guest:I did, I left him there, and I moved downstairs.

00:33:37Guest:They had to start renovating the apartments downstairs, so I moved into a different apartment.

00:33:42Marc:Oh, so you moved into a different unit?

00:33:45Marc:Unit, but they had hard wooden floors.

00:33:46Marc:They exposed the brick.

00:33:47Marc:It was really nice.

00:33:48Marc:And your brother was upstairs in the closet?

00:33:49Guest:He had a Cambodian closet.

00:33:50Marc:And who was in your old room?

00:33:52Guest:Kalisto, my other roommate, had moved in there.

00:33:54Marc:So your brother didn't even get to make the jump to the room?

00:33:56Guest:No.

00:33:57Guest:Because he has to get a job.

00:33:58Guest:He didn't get a job.

00:33:59Marc:So you're busting his balls like your parents busted you.

00:34:02Guest:Well, no, he was upstairs.

00:34:04Marc:Okay.

00:34:05Guest:I know he's upstairs.

00:34:06Guest:You know what I mean?

00:34:07Guest:I didn't abandon him.

00:34:08Guest:So it's like punishment.

00:34:09Guest:You stay in the hut.

00:34:10Guest:The dude was 25 years old.

00:34:12Guest:It's not like he was 15.

00:34:13Guest:Living in the closet.

00:34:15Yeah.

00:34:15Guest:Yeah.

00:34:16Guest:He's little.

00:34:16Guest:He's a little dude.

00:34:18Guest:What's he doing now?

00:34:19Guest:He lives in LA.

00:34:20Guest:No, he works for like a key maker.

00:34:25Guest:Okay.

00:34:27Guest:You didn't help him out?

00:34:28Guest:No, I help him out all the time.

00:34:30Guest:I pay for his cell phone, dude.

00:34:32Guest:You know what I mean?

00:34:33Guest:Whenever he wants a dinner, I pay for it.

00:34:35Guest:I help him out.

00:34:36Guest:Okay.

00:34:37Guest:Yeah.

00:34:37Guest:Like whenever I go on like cool, I went to Korea six months ago and I got a gig out there and I flew him out there.

00:34:43Guest:He has a good life.

00:34:44Guest:He has a good life.

00:34:46Guest:I'm not bad brother.

00:34:47Guest:You went to Korea?

00:34:48Guest:I shot a music video with this Asian female pop group.

00:34:51Marc:Oh, you talk about on stage.

00:34:52Marc:It's so funny.

00:34:54Marc:Yeah.

00:34:55Marc:That's a funny joke you do.

00:34:57Marc:I like watching you, dude.

00:34:58Guest:You're so kind.

00:35:01Marc:No, I do.

00:35:02Guest:I like it.

00:35:02Guest:I love you.

00:35:03Guest:I always get a kick out of it.

00:35:05Guest:So then after that, I got mad.

00:35:08Guest:After I got the IBM commercial.

00:35:09Guest:And then she, of course.

00:35:10Guest:And no, I got the Tonight Show on Leno.

00:35:12Guest:After the commercial.

00:35:13Guest:Like literally, you know what happened was, this guy named Jason Galern, a month before I got the IBM commercial, Deepak Chopra was in Rolling Stone magazine.

00:35:22Guest:They did like an article about him.

00:35:23Guest:Yeah.

00:35:24Guest:So, and this is, I'm going to try to get spiritual here.

00:35:28Guest:Okay.

00:35:29Guest:Yeah.

00:35:30Guest:So my friend Jason Glurn says, dude, I'm getting into Deepak Chopra.

00:35:33Guest:And I had no money.

00:35:34Guest:I was broke.

00:35:35Guest:So I go, you know what?

00:35:36Guest:I'll give it a try.

00:35:36Guest:So I got the book Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.

00:35:39Guest:Yeah.

00:35:40Guest:After I got the book, a week later, I was playing La Jolla.

00:35:43Guest:And there was a girl in the front row.

00:35:45Guest:Yeah.

00:35:45Guest:Her name was Katie.

00:35:46Guest:Yeah.

00:35:47Guest:Okay.

00:35:48Guest:And she, I got on stage.

00:35:50Guest:I go, Oh my God, it's Katie.

00:35:51Guest:I used to work with her at a restaurant.

00:35:52Guest:So after the show, she said she works for Deepak Chopra.

00:35:56Guest:Right.

00:35:56Guest:Yeah.

00:35:56Guest:Like right after I got this book.

00:35:58Guest:Right.

00:35:58Guest:Yeah.

00:35:58Guest:So then the next day I went to the Deepak Chopra, um, learning center or whatever.

00:36:03Guest:And I got to meet him.

00:36:05Guest:Right.

00:36:05Guest:Yeah.

00:36:05Guest:She was his assistant.

00:36:06Guest:Yeah.

00:36:07Guest:And then he got me another book that he had written.

00:36:09Guest:I forgot what it was.

00:36:10Marc:Was it handwritten?

00:36:11Marc:Like he's like, would you read over this?

00:36:12Guest:No, no, no.

00:36:13Guest:Oh, it was a published book.

00:36:13Guest:Yeah, it was a published book.

00:36:14Guest:Okay.

00:36:15Guest:And then I started practicing the things in the thing.

00:36:17Guest:Like what does that mean, practicing?

00:36:20Guest:Lay it on me.

00:36:21Guest:I need fucking help.

00:36:21Guest:Well, there's a theory in the book where it's like in order for you to achieve success is to help other people achieve success.

00:36:30Guest:Right?

00:36:30Guest:So I got Ari Shaffir, Mike Black, all these younger comics back then signed to the agency.

00:36:39Guest:Ari did very well yeah I got him you know Lawrence signed him Mike Black a bunch of guys that did very well you know what I mean and as soon as I started becoming positive trying to get people stage time like I brought Renna Zizi to the comedy store he's done very well too yeah yeah I brought him to the store I brought Mike Kevin Christie to the store he's funny

00:36:59Guest:Yeah, so I started behaving in that way where I'm trying to help people.

00:37:04Guest:Yeah.

00:37:04Guest:And then soon after, things just started coming to me, like really immediately.

00:37:09Marc:Oh, okay.

00:37:10Marc:So that worked for you.

00:37:11Marc:Was there other things?

00:37:13Marc:Or is that the main one?

00:37:14Marc:What do you mean?

00:37:15Marc:Other Deepak Chopra-isms that worked for you.

00:37:18Guest:Oh, I mean, it's like meditating, sitting in silence.

00:37:20Guest:Do you do that?

00:37:21Guest:Yeah.

00:37:22Guest:Every day?

00:37:23Guest:Yeah.

00:37:23Marc:How long?

00:37:24Guest:I breathe in the morning.

00:37:25Guest:I wake up in the morning.

00:37:26Guest:I sit.

00:37:27Guest:I breathe.

00:37:28Marc:Walk me through it because I can't tell you.

00:37:30Marc:Literally, no less than 10 people in the last month have told me to fucking meditate.

00:37:35Guest:It works, dude.

00:37:36Guest:How do I do it?

00:37:38Guest:Well, the thing is that a thought is a bubble, right?

00:37:40Guest:Think of your thoughts as a bubble.

00:37:42Guest:That's what I do.

00:37:43Guest:Okay.

00:37:43Guest:Yeah, so I sit there because you know, I mean, I'm I'm thought master Yeah, I mean, I mean, I have a thousand thoughts running through my mind, right?

00:37:50Guest:Yeah, and the thoughts are I'm thinking about you thinking right now The thoughts are

00:37:57Guest:You, it's an organ.

00:37:58Guest:Your brain is an organ.

00:37:59Guest:Just fucking going at it.

00:38:00Guest:And it just behaves.

00:38:01Guest:Firing off.

00:38:01Guest:In a certain way, right?

00:38:02Guest:But that doesn't necessarily mean that it's coming from you, right?

00:38:05Guest:It's just your brain doing its thing, right?

00:38:07Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:38:07Guest:So I sit there.

00:38:08Marc:Just like my stomach's digesting food.

00:38:09Guest:Right, right.

00:38:10Guest:So I'm breathing.

00:38:11Guest:I breathe, right?

00:38:12Guest:I breathe like that, sure.

00:38:14Guest:And I breathe.

00:38:15Marc:No, a certain way?

00:38:16Marc:Like through your nose?

00:38:17Guest:Yeah, I breathe through my nose, I blow it out of my mouth, right?

00:38:19Guest:And when the thoughts come to my mind, I pop them like it's a bubble.

00:38:23Guest:Oh, okay.

00:38:24Guest:Right?

00:38:24Guest:So it's like, God, this is stupid, pop.

00:38:27Guest:You know what I mean?

00:38:28Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:30Guest:Why am I doing this, pop?

00:38:32Guest:What?

00:38:32Marc:I'm doing it, I'm just doing it.

00:38:34Marc:Why is my mom yelling at me, pop?

00:38:37Guest:I'm not that top.

00:38:39Guest:Yeah.

00:38:40Guest:Right.

00:38:40Guest:And eventually your brain slows down.

00:38:42Guest:Mine does.

00:38:43Guest:You know what I mean?

00:38:44Guest:Mm-hmm.

00:38:45Guest:And you just think and then all of a sudden there's a void.

00:38:48Guest:Mm-hmm.

00:38:49Guest:You know what I mean?

00:38:50Guest:Yeah.

00:38:50Guest:And I don't do it.

00:38:52Guest:There's always thoughts.

00:38:53Mm-hmm.

00:38:54Guest:You know what I mean?

00:38:55Guest:I don't do it perfectly.

00:38:56Guest:Of course.

00:38:57Guest:I don't think there's perfection really in it unless you hit nirvana or whatever.

00:39:01Guest:But the thing is that I slow my brain enough where the thoughts come sporadically.

00:39:07Guest:And there are moments of complete silence.

00:39:12Guest:You know what I mean?

00:39:13Guest:And in that silence, I mean, you drop intentions.

00:39:18Marc:What does that mean?

00:39:19Marc:What?

00:39:20Marc:You drop intentions?

00:39:22Marc:Yeah.

00:39:22Marc:Oh, that means all the things that are pride-driven or success-driven or things that come from fundamental insecurities disappear.

00:39:30Guest:That, and also you drop little things of things that you want in life.

00:39:34Marc:Oh, you drop them in?

00:39:35Guest:Yes.

00:39:36Guest:Okay, so when... In a pool of nothingness.

00:39:38Marc:Okay, so you're there in the void.

00:39:40Guest:Yeah.

00:39:41Guest:After popping your thoughts... I sound so hippie-ish.

00:39:44Guest:No, you don't.

00:39:44Marc:It's not hippie-ish.

00:39:45Marc:It's weird.

00:39:46Marc:It's not hippie-ish, because it's you.

00:39:47Marc:I have to do it, though.

00:39:48Marc:Okay, well, I just want to make sure I understand.

00:39:49Marc:You breathe, you sit still.

00:39:51Marc:You pop a lot of thought bubbles.

00:39:53Marc:Yeah.

00:39:53Marc:And after you've popped a lot of bubbles, if you're lucky, you hit the void.

00:39:57Guest:I hope I don't get molested by another guy with Down syndrome.

00:40:00Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40:02Marc:And then there's the void.

00:40:04Marc:And then you have your intentions.

00:40:05Marc:And you're like, I'm going to throw them into the pool.

00:40:07Marc:And then that's a good thing.

00:40:10Guest:Yeah.

00:40:11Marc:As long as the intentions are good.

00:40:13Marc:But you don't throw things right in the pool like, I wish Mark would die.

00:40:16Guest:No.

00:40:17Guest:But that's negative.

00:40:18Marc:So no negativity.

00:40:19Guest:I try no new negativity.

00:40:22Guest:The thing, Mark, the whole thing about things, because you know I'm in 12-step programs, is to help other people.

00:40:26Guest:That's it.

00:40:26Guest:too.

00:40:28Guest:You know what I mean?

00:40:28Guest:So in the combination of meditating and if you go out of your way every day to try to, without, you know, without taking credit for it even.

00:40:36Guest:Yeah.

00:40:36Guest:You know what I mean?

00:40:37Guest:Yeah.

00:40:37Guest:Like the whole thing I was talking about Renazizi and all that stuff.

00:40:40Guest:I mean, I just made a point.

00:40:41Guest:You know what I mean?

00:40:41Guest:No, no.

00:40:42Marc:I know what you're saying because like, I feel like for the first time in my life, whether it's voluntary or not because of this podcast, I'm actually reaching out to people and I'm reaching out in a good way.

00:40:51Marc:And it's not necessarily, it wasn't why I got into it, but it seems to be happening.

00:40:55Marc:Yeah.

00:40:55Marc:I think my intentions were kind of selfish initially, but now I'm very aware of who's listening and why they're listening, and I want to help people.

00:41:06Marc:And that's making me feel good.

00:41:09Marc:But what about, okay, how do you balance out the things?

00:41:13Marc:Okay, so you're a positive guy, you're doing the meditation, we're throwing intentions into the void pool.

00:41:17Marc:and you're doing the 12 steps, and you're making the amends, and you're fucking being righteous, doing the service stuff, and now all of a sudden, a girl comes into your life that you like a lot, but it's not gonna work out, and you have to break up with her, and she's very upset and mad at you, and now she's out there hating on you.

00:41:36Marc:Can I throw her into the pool?

00:41:39No.

00:41:43Marc:In a good way?

00:41:44Marc:No, I mean, probably like pray or something.

00:41:47Marc:Well, the thing is, okay, well, let's get back to- Because you're like a guy that you have girlfriends and you have- I have a girlfriend now.

00:41:53Guest:She's been over a year.

00:41:54Marc:And you have people that don't like you?

00:41:55Marc:Many people.

00:41:56Marc:And you've probably done some bad shit.

00:41:58Marc:I've done some bad shit.

00:41:59Guest:Okay, so what happens?

00:42:00Guest:What do you mean?

00:42:00Guest:How does it balance out?

00:42:01Guest:The thing is that your intentions, like when I was going out with Christine, when I first started dating her, right?

00:42:07Guest:Yeah.

00:42:08Guest:My problem is I dive into things, you know what I mean?

00:42:11Guest:Because she's sexy.

00:42:12Guest:You know what I mean?

00:42:13Guest:Like in any girl, right?

00:42:14Marc:No, I know in the same way, yeah.

00:42:15Guest:Okay.

00:42:16Guest:But the thing is, is that, because I'm 39, right?

00:42:18Guest:And what I tried to do this time- You look good, though.

00:42:20Guest:Thank you.

00:42:21Guest:But what I tried to do this time is I go, you know, what is my intention?

00:42:24Guest:You know what I mean?

00:42:25Guest:When it comes to this woman, you know what I mean?

00:42:28Guest:Do I really like her?

00:42:29Guest:You know what I mean?

00:42:30Guest:You know what I mean?

00:42:30Guest:Is she compatible with me?

00:42:32Guest:Right?

00:42:33Guest:So with Christine, the girlfriend I have now, those things weighed deeply rather than- She's very beautiful.

00:42:39Marc:But there's no craziness into it.

00:42:41Marc:You've gotten past your crazy.

00:42:42Marc:Like, I had good intentions and I really have a lot of feelings for this person.

00:42:46Marc:But then, like, I just realized, like, I got a lot of work to do on myself because this is going to crazy land.

00:42:50Marc:They're all crazy.

00:42:52Marc:It's all crazy land.

00:42:53Guest:That's what it is.

00:42:54Guest:That's what relationships are.

00:42:55Guest:No, it can't.

00:42:56Guest:That's what it is.

00:42:58Guest:I'll give you an example, right?

00:43:00Guest:I was with Christine.

00:43:02Guest:I go, what do you want to do?

00:43:03Guest:She goes, let's watch a documentary because she knows I love documentaries, right?

00:43:07Guest:We watched this one.

00:43:08Guest:I let her choose it, right?

00:43:09Guest:It was Babies.

00:43:11Guest:Babies?

00:43:12Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:12Guest:Yeah, you know what I mean?

00:43:13Guest:Which is the worst documentary I've ever seen in my life.

00:43:15Guest:Right.

00:43:16Guest:I wanted to call the company and get my babysitting money.

00:43:18Guest:You know what I mean?

00:43:19Guest:That's what it felt like.

00:43:19Guest:I felt like it was work watching it.

00:43:21Guest:So the thing is, that's a joke.

00:43:23Guest:I'm sorry.

00:43:23Guest:But the thing is, is that after the documentary, right?

00:43:25Guest:I watched it and I look over at Christine, right?

00:43:28Guest:And she's pouting on the couch.

00:43:31What the?

00:43:31Guest:Why are you sad?

00:43:33Guest:She's like, during that whole movie, you didn't pay attention to me once.

00:43:38Guest:Yeah.

00:43:38Guest:Okay?

00:43:39Guest:Yeah.

00:43:40Guest:That's insanity.

00:43:41Guest:Right.

00:43:42Guest:Right?

00:43:42Guest:But that's what they do.

00:43:45Guest:All of them?

00:43:45Guest:Yes.

00:43:47Huh.

00:43:47Guest:You know what I mean?

00:43:48Guest:And so it's like, you know, being a man and being, you know, logical.

00:43:52Guest:You know what I mean?

00:43:54Guest:You know what I mean?

00:43:54Guest:And when someone says something like that, you're just like, your first intention, I mean, reaction is, are you

00:43:59Guest:fucking out of your mind yeah we're watching a fucking movie right you wanted to watch it yeah you know i mean but that's you have to accept that that's what they do they need constant attention i was trying to do that but you know i don't want to talk about it why because because like i don't it's not

00:44:17Marc:I'm upset about it.

00:44:20Marc:You broke up with her.

00:44:20Marc:Why are you upset?

00:44:23Marc:Because the reason I did was because I was afraid of myself, that the intensity of the anger and the intensity of the dynamic, like I'd been through a marriage that was very destructive.

00:44:32Marc:Yeah, I remember.

00:44:33Marc:And I did nothing to remedy that.

00:44:37Marc:So after three or four years, the first woman that I actually feel engaged with, all the same insanity is coming back.

00:44:44Guest:Can I ask which one?

00:44:44Guest:Because I've seen you over the years after your marriage.

00:44:49Guest:There was that dark-haired girl.

00:44:50Marc:No, this is just the last one.

00:44:52Guest:Oh, yeah, she's really cute.

00:44:53Marc:Yeah.

00:44:53Marc:And like, I just like I got afraid for myself.

00:44:56Marc:I got afraid for her.

00:44:57Marc:Like, you know, you get into those dynamics where like, you know, she's doing things to trigger me.

00:45:01Marc:I'm triggering her.

00:45:02Marc:And there's no like, you know, I'm not trusting and I'm just going crazy.

00:45:06Marc:And I'm like, you know, I'm not fucking ready for this.

00:45:09Marc:And I've got to fucking get some some help around this.

00:45:12Marc:Why can't you work through it while dating her?

00:45:16Marc:because because i don't know if i if i'm capable with this stuff where you start worrying about them like hey if i'm going to do the work are you going to do the work and if you're not going to then all of a sudden you're worrying about them i don't know how not to do that yeah and that's that other shit that's that codependent shit it's like you're sitting around you know you know not instead of thinking about yourself you're you're thinking about them and how they're fucking with you or how they're fucking up or how they're but how are they i don't understand how they're fucking with you what do you mean give me

00:45:39Guest:Well, I'm just paranoid that I have a hard time with trust.

00:45:43Guest:Mark, why can't you do this, okay?

00:45:45Guest:Why can't you live in the moment, first of all?

00:45:50Guest:Yeah.

00:45:50Guest:You know what I mean?

00:45:51Guest:Because this is what I do, right?

00:45:53Guest:When I'm in a relationship with a girl, I think of the future constantly.

00:45:56Guest:Is this somebody, right, that I'm going to have children with, you know what I mean, in a stable relationship?

00:46:02Guest:You think that?

00:46:03Guest:No, that's your natural relationship.

00:46:05Guest:You know what I mean?

00:46:06Guest:Thought processes.

00:46:06Guest:No, no, I know I didn't.

00:46:07Guest:But instead of doing that, I tried to just go, you know what?

00:46:10Guest:Relax, okay?

00:46:12Guest:Be in the moment with her, right?

00:46:14Guest:Because it's your mind, right, that creates all these things.

00:46:17Marc:Yeah, but the thing is, Bobby, is this like not unlike fucking drugs or anything else, is that my weird control issues and my jealousy and all that stuff that makes me a crazy person, you know, when I like somebody, you know, even if it's just a friend, doesn't even have to be a girlfriend.

00:46:32Marc:Yeah.

00:46:32Marc:It was out of control.

00:46:36Marc:And there was nothing that she could do to help that.

00:46:39Marc:So I got to help myself.

00:46:40Marc:So I had to fucking pull out.

00:46:42Marc:So how did she take it when you left?

00:46:44Marc:It was horrible.

00:46:44Marc:It's all horrible.

00:46:45Guest:And I can't even really talk about it.

00:46:46Guest:Yeah, I don't even know how to do that.

00:46:48Guest:I don't even know how you do that.

00:46:50Guest:But what happened to your last relationship?

00:46:54Marc:I get to the point in relationships where she has to leave first.

00:46:58Marc:It's a horrible thing, and it's the hardest thing I can do, or anyone can do, but some people don't have any problem at all.

00:47:04Marc:But usually...

00:47:05Marc:But lately, it just fucking got scary.

00:47:09Marc:Not scary because I was afraid of commitment or this, that, or the other thing.

00:47:12Marc:Just scary because the anger and weirdness and the jealousy and then the fighting that came up.

00:47:18Marc:There was this moment where I'm like, I can't be this guy anymore.

00:47:22Marc:And it's not her fault.

00:47:24Marc:It's just the dynamic that happens.

00:47:25Guest:Is the jealousy grounded in some sort of truth, though?

00:47:28Guest:Not really.

00:47:29Guest:Oh, okay.

00:47:30Guest:It's just insecurity.

00:47:30Guest:It's in your head again.

00:47:31Marc:But I thought I was over this shit.

00:47:33Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:47:34Marc:And literally, I was having these moments where I'm, I'm a fucking old man.

00:47:37Marc:I can't be this guy.

00:47:38Marc:How old are you now?

00:47:39Marc:47.

00:47:40Guest:God, you look great, too.

00:47:41Marc:Thanks.

00:47:41Marc:I just want to try to be mature, you know what I mean?

00:47:44Marc:Yeah.

00:47:44Marc:So now I'm going to start fucking popping thought bubbles and throwing intentions into the void pool.

00:47:51Guest:Let me just say this, though.

00:47:52Guest:White people usually at your age look like shit.

00:47:55Guest:Yeah.

00:47:55Guest:They look like lizards.

00:47:57Guest:And you look great.

00:47:58Guest:At 47, lizards?

00:47:59Guest:Maybe it's your mustache.

00:48:00Guest:Maybe it's your mustache.

00:48:01Guest:No, you can just let it be.

00:48:02Guest:You don't have to qualify it.

00:48:03Marc:All right, well.

00:48:04Marc:You look great, though.

00:48:05Marc:I would think the mustache would make me look older.

00:48:07Marc:Yeah.

00:48:08Guest:Um, so, um, it's then why you in therapy?

00:48:11Marc:I, yeah, well, I was, but she was doing nothing.

00:48:13Marc:I got to go to a real therapist that's hip to the recovery shit and, you know, to these issues.

00:48:17Marc:Yeah.

00:48:17Marc:Like you go to therapists.

00:48:18Marc:Sometimes it just, they'll just sit there and, and like, I'll just blather to anybody.

00:48:23Marc:And, and just cause you go there and blather for 45 minutes a week, you think you're getting help, but I need real fucking help.

00:48:28Marc:You don't talk to Mishnah anymore.

00:48:29Marc:What are you, crazy?

00:48:31Marc:I'm sorry.

00:48:31Marc:How the fuck am I going to talk to her?

00:48:33Marc:I did everything I could in my power to spite her and hurt her, and now because of what just happened with me, I have so much more empathy for her.

00:48:40Guest:I haven't seen her around at all.

00:48:42Marc:She doesn't hang around anymore.

00:48:43Guest:She had a baby.

00:48:44Guest:She had a baby?

00:48:44Guest:She's married.

00:48:45Guest:She's got a baby.

00:48:46Guest:Oh, my God.

00:48:46Guest:Yeah.

00:48:46Guest:Did she move out of L.A.?

00:48:48Marc:No, she's here.

00:48:48Guest:Oh.

00:48:49Marc:They just bought a house.

00:48:50Marc:I can keep track.

00:48:52Guest:Well, congratulations to me.

00:48:53Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:48:54Guest:I'm sure this is the first thing she's doing is listening to my fucking show.

00:48:57Marc:She could be.

00:48:58Marc:she could be i don't know no no it's all right buddy i i i can process this stuff okay you know it's just like it's like right when everything's are things are like going pretty well for me like and i feel like i'm doing a good job with stuff all of a sudden this this muscle in my chest this heart gets me into all sorts of insanity and i'm sure i'm going to fucking other programs to try to fucking deal with it dude yeah yeah wow

00:49:20Marc:That's the only way I know how to think.

00:49:22Marc:And some people, if they're against their recovery or whatever, if you're in recovery, whether or not you believe in God or whether or not, whatever the case.

00:49:29Marc:Do you believe in God?

00:49:30Marc:No, sometimes.

00:49:31Marc:Not really.

00:49:32Marc:I don't care that much.

00:49:34Marc:But do you believe in an omnipotent, some sort of power?

00:49:36Marc:I know there's some sort of structure to things, and I know that I don't have control of most things, and I'm willing to have some faith in the fact that I can honestly say I'm powerless in the face of most things.

00:49:47Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:48Marc:But nonetheless, the structure of it,

00:49:50Marc:enables me to see things in a way that makes sense to me.

00:49:54Marc:And that I can take actions that will be proactive as opposed to completely destructive.

00:50:00Marc:That's all.

00:50:01Marc:So that helps me out.

00:50:03Marc:But let's talk about- I don't know why I'm laughing, but- No, I understand.

00:50:06Marc:Let's talk about your relapse though.

00:50:07Marc:So here you go.

00:50:08Marc:Okay, what happened was- You got mad TV, fucking, you're it.

00:50:11Guest:No, what happened was this, okay?

00:50:13Guest:So I do the Deepak Chopra thing.

00:50:15Guest:I get the commercial.

00:50:17Marc:And you met Chopra.

00:50:18Guest:Yeah, but it's a handshake.

00:50:20Guest:Oh, you didn't hang out?

00:50:21Guest:No.

00:50:22Guest:Oh.

00:50:22Guest:I went to, I got the Tonight Show, Leno, right?

00:50:25Guest:And then I auditioned for Mad.

00:50:28Guest:I auditioned nine times.

00:50:30Guest:I get the show.

00:50:31Guest:Yeah.

00:50:31Guest:Right?

00:50:32Guest:And then I get on the show and the, okay.

00:50:36Guest:the worst thing happened.

00:50:38Guest:What happened was, okay, let me just backtrack for a second.

00:50:41Guest:Yeah.

00:50:42Guest:Granted, I was sober for this whole time, right?

00:50:45Guest:Yeah.

00:50:46Guest:But when I moved to LA, I never went to a single meeting.

00:50:48Guest:Right.

00:50:49Guest:Okay?

00:50:49Guest:Yeah.

00:50:49Guest:So I didn't know anybody in the program up here, right?

00:50:51Guest:I was completely, you know, I had no numbers.

00:50:54Guest:Yeah.

00:50:55Guest:So then I get on the show, and one of the producers basically said to me, listen, man, I was there during your auditioning process.

00:51:05Guest:I don't think you're a sketch guy, right?

00:51:08Guest:You're a stand-up.

00:51:09Guest:And I just don't think that you're going to fit in the structure of the show.

00:51:14Mm-hmm.

00:51:14Guest:He's telling me this.

00:51:15Guest:He's a producer.

00:51:17Guest:He's a producer.

00:51:17Guest:They gave you the show, though.

00:51:19Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:51:19Guest:I mean, people above him.

00:51:20Guest:Right, you're on, and this guy's like... Well, I haven't been on yet, really.

00:51:24Marc:But he's fucking with your head.

00:51:25Guest:Yeah, and he's basically saying, you know, like, listen, so I'm not really gonna campaign.

00:51:31Guest:for you you know i mean so if you see that so welcome to your new job yeah so if you see that right so then what i then all these white kids get on the show right yeah um like there was a kid tear and kill him who's now on snl yeah who got on the show with me he was 17 18 at the time yeah and a bunch of other white people and over the next two years right yeah i in the first season i got like in four sketches

00:51:54Guest:out of 23 weeks.

00:51:57Guest:But you're getting paid.

00:51:58Guest:Yeah, but Caliendo was on when I was on.

00:52:00Guest:He was on every week, three or four times a week, you know what I mean?

00:52:04Guest:No one would write for me.

00:52:06Guest:And shortly after I got on the show, I just started taking Valiums because I couldn't sleep.

00:52:11Guest:Because you're just festering about why.

00:52:12Guest:Dude, every dad showed up to work, no one would talk to me.

00:52:14Guest:Mike McDonald, who's a very, very good friend of mine now, wouldn't talk to me.

00:52:19Guest:Aries Spears, I didn't talk to him for three years.

00:52:22Guest:Yeah.

00:52:23Guest:And there was this group, like this senior thing.

00:52:26Guest:Click.

00:52:27Guest:Yeah.

00:52:27Guest:And I just, I didn't do impressions.

00:52:29Guest:I had maybe one character.

00:52:31Guest:Yeah.

00:52:31Guest:I had no idea why he was on the show.

00:52:33Guest:So it got to the point where I was like, I want to get off of this thing.

00:52:35Guest:It's a nightmare.

00:52:36Guest:And they wouldn't let me go because of this ethnic program that Fox had at the time.

00:52:43Guest:This lady named Wenda Fong was heading up the diversity section.

00:52:46Guest:And I was the only Asian guy on a show on Fox.

00:52:49Guest:So I'm now stuck in a nightmare.

00:52:53Guest:You know what I mean?

00:52:54Marc:They just kept you around for some affirmative action reason?

00:52:57Yeah.

00:52:58Guest:Okay?

00:52:58Guest:Yeah.

00:52:59Guest:And I know this.

00:52:59Guest:Yeah.

00:53:00Guest:So I'm stuck in this thing, so I just decided, you know what?

00:53:03Guest:I'm gonna get loaded.

00:53:04Guest:So I took Valiums, and it immediately Vicodin, and immediately, like, drinking 24 hours a day.

00:53:10Guest:And this occurred for two years.

00:53:13Marc:And you still didn't get on the show?

00:53:14Marc:No.

00:53:15Guest:In fact, my second season was worse.

00:53:16Guest:It was like they had Josh Wolfe, not Josh Wolfe, Josh Myers, Seth Meyers' little brother, who's a friend of mine, got on the show, Ike Barinholtz, these Second City guys.

00:53:26Guest:Yeah.

00:53:27Guest:And they just took over.

00:53:28Guest:And there was another Mexican girl that was on the show at the time, Jill Michelle Melian.

00:53:32Guest:I don't know if you know her.

00:53:32Guest:And Deborah Wilson.

00:53:33Guest:She was already a senior member.

00:53:34Guest:Yeah.

00:53:35Guest:She was always nice to me.

00:53:36Guest:I knew her back in New York.

00:53:37Guest:She's sweet.

00:53:37Guest:Yeah, she's a sweet lady.

00:53:39Guest:so then for two years I didn't get on and by the end of my second season Fox gave me intervention because I just stopped showing up to work you know yeah and they gave me an intervention and what happened was I was taking 30 vitamins a day drinking and stuff and just Fox gave me intervention where do you get that shit

00:53:56Guest:There was a sketch guy, I can't tell you his name, but he was from Second City from Chicago, who was hanging around, and he was my supplier, you know what I mean?

00:54:10Guest:No blow, huh?

00:54:11Guest:No, but I was spending like, fuck, $600, $700 a week, $800 a week.

00:54:15Guest:That's a big habit.

00:54:16Guest:Yeah, but you know I was getting a weekly.

00:54:17Guest:No oxys?

00:54:19Guest:No.

00:54:20Guest:So what happened was Fox gave me intervention.

00:54:23Guest:They told me, you know, we're going to give you another shot, one shot.

00:54:25Guest:We wrote this, you know, the writers wrote you a sketch, a Connie Chung sketch.

00:54:29Guest:Yeah.

00:54:29Guest:Can you clean up so we can do this sketch?

00:54:32Marc:Yeah.

00:54:33Guest:So two days before.

00:54:34Marc:Do you think they knew that the reason why you were fucking self-destructing was you weren't being used?

00:54:39Guest:It was a combination of a lot of things.

00:54:41Guest:but all of a sudden you get a sketch on the condition of cleaning up was that but they were trying to like yeah me uh but at that point it was too late and also i'm using i'm done i'm lost yeah i don't even know who i am at this point you know i mean i'm fucking sad bro yeah

00:54:58Guest:So on a Thursday, Duncan Trussell, you know Duncan.

00:55:05Guest:And at the time he was dating this girl named Stephanie Escajeda.

00:55:07Guest:I know, Escajeda too, yeah.

00:55:09Guest:So they come to my house in Silver Lake and Duncan wants my Vicodin.

00:55:14Guest:Because I tell him I gotta get rid of this because I'm just shooting a sketch tomorrow.

00:55:17Guest:So he takes my Vicodin.

00:55:18Guest:They make me a fish dinner because I hadn't eaten in days.

00:55:21Guest:You know what I mean?

00:55:22Guest:I eat this.

00:55:23Guest:I wake up the next day and I'm not feeling right.

00:55:27Guest:Like I'm shitting myself, right?

00:55:30Guest:So I take some Imodium AD, right?

00:55:33Guest:I show up to work.

00:55:35Guest:And I'm fine now, right?

00:55:37Guest:I'm shaking a little bit.

00:55:38Guest:I'm sweating cold sweats.

00:55:40Guest:But I'm fine.

00:55:40Guest:I can do this.

00:55:41Guest:I memorize my lines.

00:55:43Guest:So they put the Connie Chung makeup on my face, right?

00:55:47And I'm fine.

00:55:47Guest:this is good right i'm gonna kill it right yeah they put me in the dress yeah right i show up at the set live studio audience yeah right and aries spears is in the sketch next to me yeah right he's playing i don't know some black rapper or whatever right yeah and i hear and then and now i feel not right when i'm on the set yeah like i feel my organs like you know i mean punching each other right yeah

00:56:11Guest:And I feel like I'm sweating.

00:56:14Guest:And I'm shaking.

00:56:15Guest:Like I have never sh... You withdraw.

00:56:17Guest:I'm withdrawing.

00:56:19Guest:So then all of a sudden they say, five, four, three, two, one, action.

00:56:25Guest:The lights turn on in the studio.

00:56:27Guest:I see 350 people.

00:56:29Guest:Cameras yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, and you now you can already tell something's wrong.

00:56:34Guest:Yeah, because my eyes are crossed.

00:56:35Guest:Yeah, right?

00:56:36Guest:Yeah, I'm not saying anything Yeah, and my face is so wet from moisture.

00:56:41Guest:Yeah, right.

00:56:42Guest:Yeah, so I go good evening, right?

00:56:44Guest:Yeah, I'm Connie right and as I say Connie Just my asshole opens up and it just sprays and

00:56:53Guest:Shit.

00:56:54Guest:All down my stockings.

00:56:57Guest:Right?

00:56:58Guest:So, you know, and you could shh.

00:57:01Guest:Aries Spears goes, oh, motherfucker.

00:57:02Guest:You know what I mean?

00:57:03Guest:Like he, like he smells it.

00:57:05Guest:Yeah.

00:57:05Guest:Oh, motherfucker.

00:57:06Guest:You know what I mean?

00:57:07Guest:Yeah.

00:57:07Guest:And as soon as I hear, oh, motherfucker.

00:57:09Guest:Cut!

00:57:11Guest:They see wardrobe coming, producers.

00:57:14Guest:Oh, my God.

00:57:14Guest:Right?

00:57:15Guest:And now the poor wardrobe ladies have to wipe with these wet naps, my soiled stockings.

00:57:21Guest:Yeah.

00:57:22Guest:And Dick Lasucci, the executive producer, walks up, and he's screaming at me.

00:57:26Guest:Yeah.

00:57:27Guest:You're going to do it!

00:57:29Guest:You're going to finish this!

00:57:31Guest:Right?

00:57:32Guest:This three-minute sketch took an hour and a half to film.

00:57:36Yeah.

00:57:36Guest:In spite of how sick I was.

00:57:39Guest:And how long did it stink?

00:57:41Guest:It just kept coming out, but they stopped.

00:57:45Guest:It stunk the whole time.

00:57:46Guest:What are you talking about?

00:57:47Guest:It was awful.

00:57:48Marc:That is one of the worst fucking stories I've ever heard in my life.

00:57:51Guest:So this is what happens.

00:57:52Marc:Yeah.

00:57:54Guest:After the show, I'm shaking, and I'm packing my dressing room because it's the last show, right?

00:58:01Guest:And no one says goodbye to me.

00:58:04Guest:Everyone knows that I'm done.

00:58:06Guest:I pack up my stuff and that's when I had a spiritual awakening.

00:58:11Guest:I had to hit my own new bottom.

00:58:13Guest:You know what I mean?

00:58:15Guest:And so the next day I went to a detox.

00:58:17Guest:And I got out and I started going to meetings.

00:58:20Guest:And what happened was one of the producers, which I either knew or didn't know, was in the program.

00:58:27Guest:And she saw me at the meetings.

00:58:30Guest:So then her husband became my sponsor.

00:58:34Guest:Right.

00:58:35Guest:And so during the summer, I got Harold and Kumar, that little part in that movie.

00:58:41Guest:And I started doing a lot of stand-up and stuff.

00:58:43Guest:And she told Fox that this guy is really trying to get clean.

00:58:49Guest:He's been going to a lot of meetings.

00:58:51Guest:My husband's sponsoring him.

00:58:53Guest:Because at that point, fans of MADtv started kind of liking me.

00:58:59Guest:I was starting getting letters like, where's that Asian guy?

00:59:01Guest:You know what I mean?

00:59:03Yeah.

00:59:03Guest:And so I came back, you know, after a trial, six month trial, whatever, and I stayed on it until for eight years, for six more years after that.

00:59:11Marc:And you stayed clean the whole time?

00:59:12Guest:Yeah, the whole time.

00:59:12Guest:Holy fuck, that's a great story.

00:59:15Guest:But it was like, and you know what?

00:59:16Guest:When I got on, when I was sober, the same thing happened.

00:59:20Guest:Did you shit your pants on camera?

00:59:21Guest:No, no, no.

00:59:22Guest:They weren't writing much for me.

00:59:26Guest:But I stayed in.

00:59:28Guest:Instead of being defeated and leaving.

00:59:30Marc:Now, what's the process?

00:59:31Marc:You couldn't come up with ideas and say, come on, you guys.

00:59:33Guest:I would pitch things and they'd be like, it's hacky or it's been done or whatever.

00:59:39Guest:You know what I mean?

00:59:41Marc:Now, was this coming down from that producer or was it just ingrained?

00:59:44Guest:No, he started liking me.

00:59:46Guest:You know what I mean?

00:59:47Guest:As soon as I got clean, I think people started seeing that I was giving a good go.

00:59:51Guest:You know what I mean?

00:59:52Marc:Because you did some funny shit on there.

00:59:53Guest:No, I know.

00:59:54Guest:Eventually, when I had power, which is season four for me, is when I kind of realized, oh, I'm one of the guys.

01:00:01Guest:You know what I mean?

01:00:01Guest:People are starting to like me.

01:00:02Guest:Right.

01:00:03Guest:And at that point, it was all good.

01:00:05Guest:Like, I was able to write my own things.

01:00:07Guest:You know what I mean?

01:00:08Guest:I had a team of writers.

01:00:09Guest:Yeah.

01:00:09Guest:Like, Michael Hitchcock and guys that would, like, write for me.

01:00:12Guest:You know what I mean?

01:00:13Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:00:13Guest:Jennifer Joyce and some of these, you know, old Groundlings guys.

01:00:16Guest:Yeah.

01:00:17Guest:Second City people didn't really necessarily write for me, but the Groundlings guys really took a liking to me.

01:00:21Marc:Now, is that two distinct camps?

01:00:24Guest:Yeah.

01:00:24Marc:I mean, do they – and they have different beliefs about what should and should happen?

01:00:27Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:28Guest:Really?

01:00:29Guest:I mean, I think –

01:00:31Guest:Second City is like they're really into improv and long form.

01:00:35Guest:They're really into the actual writing of it.

01:00:39Guest:Groundlings are more into character development and stuff like that.

01:00:42Guest:And I think that they saw that I had some thought out characters.

01:00:47Marc:Yeah.

01:00:47Marc:And also, you know, once you lock into something, I mean, you lock in.

01:00:50Guest:Yeah, and I think they, and also they saw that, and there were some sweethearts, like Jennifer Joyce, who was just sympathetic to the idea that I was, you know, showing up and trying.

01:01:01Guest:Yeah.

01:01:01Guest:And they started trying, you know what I mean?

01:01:03Marc:That's sweet.

01:01:04Marc:Yeah, yeah.

01:01:05Marc:And what happened, now, when you stopped doing the show, is that you just had enough, or everybody had enough?

01:01:10Marc:It got canceled.

01:01:11Marc:Oh, it's not on TV anymore?

01:01:11Marc:No.

01:01:12Marc:Oh.

01:01:12Guest:It was canceled years ago.

01:01:14Guest:Oh, I'm sorry.

01:01:14Guest:And then after it was done...

01:01:17Guest:I couldn't work really.

01:01:20Guest:Really?

01:01:21Guest:Yeah, I mean, my TV, it just all dried up.

01:01:24Marc:Right, I think, when was that?

01:01:26Marc:When did it get canceled?

01:01:27Guest:Two years ago.

01:01:28Guest:And what have you been doing the last couple years?

01:01:30Guest:No, it started coming back, but like, you know, the next year, the following year, I had, that's why I went on the road, because I just couldn't, you know, I paid two mortgages.

01:01:39Guest:I paid my parents' house in Phoenix.

01:01:41Guest:You do?

01:01:41Guest:Yeah, and I pay for my own.

01:01:44Guest:And I needed the income, so I just hit the road three weeks out of the month.

01:01:47Guest:And what's going on now?

01:01:50Guest:I did some movies.

01:01:51Guest:I did a movie with Simon Pegg called Paul.

01:01:53Guest:I did Harold and Kumar III.

01:01:56Guest:And I'm on Chelsea every other week, which completely changed everything around.

01:02:00Guest:Yeah, you drawing because of that?

01:02:02Guest:Well, I was drawing from Mad, but that just, she just, it's like magical almost.

01:02:08Guest:You add another hundred to a show.

01:02:10Guest:No shit.

01:02:10Guest:Yeah.

01:02:12Guest:I was going on the road looking at Joe Coy's numbers, especially him because he is Asian.

01:02:18Guest:And he didn't have the TV exposure that I did, but he was doing better numbers.

01:02:22Guest:And he's a hilarious guy, but it was a lot because of Chelsea.

01:02:25Marc:That was the show I turned down immediately out of pride.

01:02:28Marc:Right when she got the show, they asked me to be on.

01:02:30Marc:I was like, nah.

01:02:30Marc:Why?

01:02:31Marc:Well, at that time, I had my own petty resentments about it.

01:02:34Yeah.

01:02:34Guest:would you do it now yeah i think so yeah i think you'd be great on that show yeah i mean if i'm given topics i can generate yeah yeah you can totally do it oh should i i think you should put in a good word for me i will okay yeah i'll try it if they want i think i know i think that you i think they they're obviously aware of you and i think that you should i mean dude you think i you know i sit there with dove david you know some dove does it sometimes and it's it's kind of tough you know i mean i don't know about pop culture i mean either

01:03:01Guest:I barely know who you are.

01:03:02Guest:Yeah, I know.

01:03:03Guest:I don't know who I am.

01:03:04Guest:You know what I mean?

01:03:04Guest:There you go.

01:03:05Guest:That's the thing that you do.

01:03:05Guest:I love it.

01:03:06Guest:It's like a warm blanket, isn't it?

01:03:08Guest:I love it.

01:03:10Guest:But you waited for a half an hour, which is great.

01:03:12Guest:You know what I mean?

01:03:13Guest:A half an hour of just like, oh, Mark really likes me.

01:03:16Guest:You know what I mean?

01:03:16Guest:No.

01:03:16Guest:He's interested.

01:03:17Guest:No, but you're part of pop culture.

01:03:18Guest:Like, I see you as part of... I'm not a part of pop culture.

01:03:20Guest:I'm on the outskirts.

01:03:22Marc:Okay.

01:03:22Marc:I am.

01:03:23Marc:Well, then that just made... It wasn't really that much of a deal.

01:03:25Guest:Ken Jeong, he's a part of pop culture.

01:03:26Guest:Yeah.

01:03:27Guest:You know what I mean?

01:03:27Guest:Yeah.

01:03:28Guest:I'm not.

01:03:28Guest:Okay.

01:03:29Guest:Are you jealous of Ken Jeong?

01:03:30Marc:No.

01:03:31Guest:He's a nice guy.

01:03:32Guest:He's a great guy.

01:03:32Guest:He's on the show.

01:03:33Guest:Yeah, I know.

01:03:34Guest:In fact, when I was on my Vicodin withdrawal, he was the guy I called every fucking two hours.

01:03:39Guest:Really?

01:03:39Guest:Yeah.

01:03:41Guest:Because Ken and I have been friends for many, many years.

01:03:44Guest:Back when he started or when he showed up here?

01:03:46Guest:Yeah, when he was, even before, I went to his wedding, but even before he married Tran, I knew him, even before he had kids and all that stuff.

01:03:53Guest:We did a tour called The Kims of Comedy.

01:03:54Marc:Oh, you were on that.

01:03:55Guest:Okay.

01:03:55Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:03:56Guest:With me, Ken, Steve Byrne, and Kevin Shea, which is Korean.

01:03:59Guest:So you were calling him when you were like that day in the studio?

01:04:03Guest:No, the week.

01:04:04Guest:No, not yet.

01:04:04Guest:No.

01:04:05Guest:Well, I was calling him a week before because I was thinking about getting off it.

01:04:09Guest:Yeah.

01:04:09Guest:He was telling me, what do I need to do?

01:04:11Guest:He's like, I think you should go to a fucking place.

01:04:13Guest:I go, I can't, this and that.

01:04:14Guest:So that day, Thursday, when I...

01:04:17Guest:When Duncan came over is that 24 hours?

01:04:20Guest:Yeah, he was very vital, right?

01:04:22Guest:I mean just getting you through it.

01:04:23Guest:Yeah, I know when you weren't dying Yeah, yeah, he's like you're fine.

01:04:26Guest:You're fine.

01:04:27Guest:You're fine.

01:04:27Marc:You know, man So now this is like your third wind almost so now you're selling out what theaters or clubs playing just clubs doing San Jose tomorrow five shows Five shows tomorrow.

01:04:37Guest:Yeah.

01:04:38Guest:Yeah, and it's fine.

01:04:40Guest:I'm done.

01:04:40Guest:You know what I'm done with bro.

01:04:42Guest:What?

01:04:43Guest:I'm done with

01:04:45Guest:I'm done with like trying to, you know what I mean?

01:04:51Guest:Yeah.

01:04:51Guest:Make it.

01:04:52Marc:Well, having the, being fueled by the panic that you're not, you mean like being fueled by the panic, like, like, like by trying to make it like you feel like you've proven yourself enough.

01:05:03Guest:No, I just feel like I don't, there is no rhyme or reason to people's success sometimes.

01:05:09Guest:And I just feel like it's a part of just one's destiny.

01:05:13Guest:And if it's not a part of like, you know, I'm doing fine.

01:05:16Guest:You know what I mean?

01:05:17Guest:I'm making a great living.

01:05:18Guest:Yeah.

01:05:18Guest:But if that's, you know what I mean, what my destiny is, because I've tried my best and I still try very hard.

01:05:25Guest:But if I make the effort, I don't want to beat myself up because I'm not at the level where like a Seth Rogen type.

01:05:34Guest:Yeah, yeah.

01:05:35Guest:So it's like there's, I've done, I mean, I have great agents.

01:05:38Guest:I'm with CAA, you know what I mean?

01:05:40Guest:I have the best opportunities in the world, but I'm still not Nick Swartzen.

01:05:45Guest:I'm not Zach.

01:05:46Guest:Right.

01:05:46Guest:I'm kind of still on the outskirts.

01:05:49Guest:Right.

01:05:52Guest:Cameron Crowe, you know, because you're almost famous.

01:05:55Guest:You know, I went in and met with him for his new movie, and he really liked me, but I didn't get the part, obviously.

01:06:00Guest:And I'm in those situations a lot.

01:06:03Guest:That's good.

01:06:03Guest:But, you know, I drive away.

01:06:05Guest:I can't get them.

01:06:06Guest:You know what I mean?

01:06:07Marc:I don't get those.

01:06:07Marc:Yeah, but that's just the nature of that game.

01:06:10Marc:Everyone goes out and the people that are in that racket, they don't even think about auditions anymore as being life or death situations.

01:06:16Marc:You just keep going.

01:06:17Marc:And then if all it takes is one to hit.

01:06:19Guest:That's what I'm saying.

01:06:19Guest:Yeah.

01:06:20Guest:Is that I don't, instead of getting an acting coach two days before an audition, you know what I mean, and worrying about an audition.

01:06:27Guest:Yeah.

01:06:28Guest:I just kind of read the thing.

01:06:30Guest:I understand the scene.

01:06:31Guest:I go in.

01:06:32Guest:I don't even memorize it.

01:06:33Guest:Right.

01:06:33Guest:I read it off the page.

01:06:34Guest:Right.

01:06:35Guest:I do the best I can and I walk away.

01:06:36Guest:And so that's where I'm at now.

01:06:39Marc:That's good, man.

01:06:39Marc:Well, you seem very well.

01:06:42Marc:I'm serious.

01:06:43Marc:I wasn't passive-aggressive.

01:06:45Guest:Where's there a good to eat around here?

01:06:47Guest:What do you want to eat?

01:06:48Guest:I'm so hungry.

01:06:49Guest:Mexican?

01:06:50Guest:No, I don't want to do Mexican.

01:06:52Guest:There was an Italian restaurant down the street that I drove by, like Italianos or something like that.

01:06:55Guest:Was that place good or no?

01:06:56Guest:Oh, the pizza place?

01:06:57Guest:Yeah.

01:06:59Marc:Is it okay?

01:06:59Marc:We'll go get something to eat.

01:07:00Marc:Okay.

01:07:01Guest:I'm so hungry.

01:07:01Marc:It was good talking to you.

01:07:02Guest:Good talking to you.

01:07:07Good talking to you.

01:07:08Marc:So how do you feel?

01:07:10Marc:That was Bobby Lee.

01:07:11Marc:And I think we all worked through something together with him.

01:07:14Marc:And I thought that was a fine way to start off the new year.

01:07:17Marc:I hope you enjoyed that in all its stinky glory.

01:07:22Marc:Thank you for listening.

01:07:23Marc:I'm excited.

01:07:24Marc:We're locked in.

01:07:25Marc:We're doing this 2011 thing.

01:07:27Marc:We're going to do it.

01:07:28Marc:We're in it.

01:07:29Marc:Got no choice.

01:07:30Marc:2011.

01:07:32Marc:Justcoffee.coop at wtfpod.com.

01:07:34Marc:Go down there.

01:07:36Marc:Take a little trip.

01:07:37Marc:to WTFPod.com kick in a few bucks to the cause we run this show we are listener supported so we can use a few shekels new merchandise pretty new American Apparel shirts if you go to the merch get on that mailing list I've been very diligent about that holy shit I gotta do it today okay yeah yeah yeah what else well happy new year okay or let's have a good day today and tomorrow and then we'll see how the rest of it goes

01:08:05Marc:Oh, yeah.

01:08:06Marc:Sacramento Punchline, January 7th, 8th, and 9th.

01:08:09Marc:Come up to the Sacramento Punchline if you live in that area.

01:08:12Marc:January 7th, 8th, and 9th.

01:08:15Marc:Okay.

01:08:16Marc:I'll talk to you Thursday or whenever you listen to these.

01:08:18Guest:Oh, my God.

01:08:27you