Episode 1350 - Nikki Glaser
Guest:Lock the gates!
Marc:All right, let's do this.
Marc:How are you, what the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck, buddies?
Marc:What the fuck, Nicks?
Marc:What the fuck, Adelix?
Marc:What's happening?
Marc:Look, Nikki Glaser's on the show.
Marc:She was on the show back in 2016 when she had her show Not Safe with Nikki Glaser on Comedy Central.
Marc:And look, I see her around.
Marc:She's living in St.
Marc:Louis.
Marc:She's around occasionally.
Marc:I always like her.
Marc:She's a very frank, honest, dirty comic.
Marc:I like it.
Marc:She's a dirty lady, and I always enjoy seeing her.
Marc:And she was around, and she's got this new HBO special out, Nikki Glaser, Good Clean Filth.
Marc:She also is the host of F-Boy Island on HBO Max, and I thought, well, fuck, we're revisiting some people, some people who I like to talk to.
Marc:Let's talk to Nikki, and...
Marc:Man, it gets a little racy, a little raw, a little honest, just honest about deep fucking food issues and sex stuff.
Marc:And I don't have these conversations much, but for some reason, I trust her.
Marc:I trust Nikki Glaser to talk about this.
Marc:So I don't know how you hold your life together, but I don't have an assistant.
Marc:You know, a lot of people in my position who have basically three jobs all the time, which is stand up, which is WTF.
Marc:And at other times, you know, acting that I should have somebody watching over my day to day so I can be more efficient and take some things off my plate.
Marc:But I seem to like a full plate.
Marc:Even if it's just bullshit, I just have been doing bullshit.
Marc:And it's really the best way to ground yourself.
Marc:I mean, I literally was sort of excited and overprepared to go to the DMV to get my real ID.
Marc:I'm not even sure a real ID is a real idea.
Marc:Or a good idea.
Marc:I mean, I don't know.
Marc:It's some sort of kind of management of our identities.
Marc:I don't know what the idea of the real ID is.
Marc:I guess it's that every state will have a real ID situation so they can federalize driver's licenses and make the database more efficient for when they want to get us.
Marc:But I'm like, I'm excited about it.
Marc:I'm excited about my real ID because like I have to, my license expired and I got to shift over to the real ID and they need documentation of where I live.
Marc:They need to know where I live and I need to submit that and then I'll have it.
Marc:But there's something like, I just want to show up and do the stuff and have it on and then get it processed.
Marc:So I go to the DMV and it's peak COVID over here.
Marc:I know a lot of people are like, yeah, it's peak COVID, but it's not deadly COVID.
Marc:It's fine.
Marc:You don't want COVID.
Marc:There's no reason to get covid four times.
Marc:It can't be good.
Marc:You know, for all you whiny people about vaccines causing heart attacks and this and that, there seems to be repercussions of getting more and more covid that could last a lifetime.
Marc:And they're not great.
Marc:But.
Marc:I went to the DMV, masked up, got in there.
Marc:It was crazy.
Marc:It was exactly, it was so predictable.
Marc:It's almost like a hacky DMV experience.
Marc:It's like, this is exactly like the DMV should be.
Marc:This is exactly what it is.
Marc:Just like literally hundreds of people doing any number of things you can do with the DMV.
Marc:titles, IDs, pictures, taking driver's tests.
Marc:It was crazy.
Marc:It looked like there were people sleeping there.
Marc:It looked like there were people camping out at the DMV.
Marc:But I made an appointment, and surprisingly, I got in there, had my documents, was pleasant, and I was done in like 15, 20 minutes, and then I couldn't find my keys.
Marc:I left my keys at the DMV.
Marc:It's very interesting because
Marc:What your brain does.
Marc:Well, maybe I shouldn't say yours when something like that happens, when I'm in a crowded place and you have to assume there has to be a criminal element in this DMV right now.
Marc:Does there am I being racist?
Marc:Am I being there's part of me?
Marc:It's like, is are there any representatives of the Armenian mob here?
Marc:You know, that's what happens when something falls out of order.
Marc:Tickets for my shows in Montreal, the solo shows that I've been putting off telling you about so I could sell tickets to the gala.
Marc:But these are the solo shows.
Marc:Now, this is a small place.
Marc:Seats about 120.
Marc:And I'll try to pronounce it properly.
Marc:But they go on sale today at noon Eastern.
Marc:All right.
Marc:And the name of the place is is Saul Claude Leveille.
Marc:It's a it's a theater.
Marc:I don't know what that means in French.
Marc:Saul Claude Leveille.
Marc:Maybe I got it right.
Marc:But look, you can go to my website, WTF pod dot com slash tour, or you can go to ha ha ha dot com and grab these tickets.
Marc:All right.
Marc:It's going to there's only a few show on Thursday, July 28th is at 7 p.m.
Marc:Then the show on Friday Friday.
Marc:On July 29th, is it 8.30 p.m.?
Marc:Sal-Claude Leveille.
Marc:You can get tickets at wtfpod.com slash tour or at hahaha.com.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Anyway, I'm at the DMV, and I've left my keys somewhere, and I run through the place twice.
Marc:Everywhere I stopped, couldn't find the keys.
Marc:And right away, my brain goes into, like, what do I do now?
Marc:Did somebody go take my car?
Marc:All you'd have to do is go out into the parking lot and push the little alarm buzzer on the key fob, and you would find my car.
Marc:And then you would take my car, and then there'd be something in my car that would have my address.
Marc:Then you have the keys to my house.
Marc:Then you're in my house.
Marc:Then maybe you're petting my cats, and I don't know you.
Marc:Why are you in my house?
Marc:Granted, you don't have my alarm code, but maybe I didn't put the alarm on.
Marc:So you're hanging out at my house.
Marc:Maybe you're touching everything.
Marc:Maybe you're just climbing into my bed and hanging out for a few minutes to see what that feels like.
Marc:Maybe you're stealing things.
Marc:Maybe you're taking all my loose change.
Marc:Maybe you're taking some of my pottery.
Marc:Maybe you're just going to wait till later to do all that.
Marc:So I go out to the car and the car is still there and I don't really know what to do.
Marc:Do I go home?
Marc:Do I get a lift home?
Marc:Do I get a car service and go get my extra keys?
Marc:Or when I come back, is my car going to be gone?
Marc:Should I stand by my car and wait for whoever the criminal element is that has my keys to
Marc:to come out here and show themselves and then confront them in the parking lot and say, what did you think you were going to do with my keys now that you found my car?
Marc:What was your plan, man?
Marc:Who are you?
Marc:Who sent you?
Marc:What did you think was going to happen?
Marc:Were you going to go get in my bed just to check out my mattress, you fucking weirdo?
Marc:So that went on in my head.
Marc:And then I asked if there was a lost and found.
Marc:And the security guy goes, go to window 12.
Marc:And I asked her, anyone find any keys?
Marc:And she goes, keys?
Marc:And she walked back to a desk where another lady was sitting and held up some keys.
Marc:I'm like, yup.
Marc:She's like, what kind of car?
Marc:Toyota?
Marc:Okay.
Marc:She gave me my keys.
Marc:So a lot went on in my head, full narrative.
Marc:There was some dude in my bed, fully clothed, just because.
Marc:There was a dude touching my cats.
Marc:There was a dude going through my stuff, taking my change, all of that, maybe eating some snacks.
Marc:Man, what the fuck is wrong with me?
Marc:Listen to me.
Marc:Nikki Glaser is here.
Marc:Her new special, Good Queen Filth, is now streaming on HBO Max.
Marc:Season two of F-Boy Island is also on HBO Max.
Marc:And this is us getting down to it.
Marc:Brass tacks, eating disorders, vibrators, sex, stuff.
Marc:Enjoy.
Guest:I don't know what's going to happen.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:I'm not hung up on money.
Guest:Me neither.
Marc:Right.
Guest:I just stopped being, I mean, I like it.
Marc:Right.
Marc:But, but it doesn't drive your life.
Guest:No, but I, but yeah, I just, I'm trying to write, I was thinking about writing a book and I just realized that the,
Guest:The stress of not even getting a book proposal together and the loose deadlines that my agents have given me for that have caused me so much stress that I don't even want a book deal.
Guest:I don't care how many.
Guest:I don't care what the number is.
Guest:It's not worth feeling guilty all the time that I'm not writing.
Marc:It's like having an incomplete in college.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:They're so hard.
Marc:Where you're just sort of like, how can I write a paper now?
Marc:It's six months after I graduated.
Guest:I still had to write that.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Wait, what do you mean by an incomplete in college?
Guest:That resonated with me, and then I go, I don't know that I know.
Marc:Well, it just means you didn't finish one class.
Marc:You still have a paper.
Guest:Oh, yeah, to get your, oh, God, yeah.
Marc:Yeah, that kind of shit.
Guest:Ugh.
Guest:No, I really don't think I would be able to do it.
Guest:And I think that everything that I would want to say in a book, I've said on a podcast at some point.
Guest:And if someone really cares, just go back and listen to stuff.
Marc:You know what you can do?
Marc:Because I wrote a couple books and I would never write another one.
Guest:Why?
Marc:Well, the ones that you just write by yourself, they just hang over you and they don't sell.
Marc:I mean, maybe you're huge and I don't know.
Guest:Are you huge?
Guest:No, no.
Marc:Well, then it's not going to be worth it unless you get a huge deal.
Marc:The last book I wrote...
Marc:It was at the beginning of podcasts and Twitter and shit.
Marc:So they were all about like, he's got all this exposure.
Marc:Let's give him a big money.
Marc:There's a big war.
Marc:And I'm like, I had no desire to write a book.
Marc:But the money was stupid.
Marc:So I'm like, I'll write it.
Marc:But this will be the last book I ever write for a lot of reasons.
Marc:I'm not going to make this money back.
Marc:And I don't like doing it.
Marc:I don't like writing.
Guest:I don't even like writing my own TV show.
Guest:I hate it.
Guest:Oh, God, yeah.
Guest:That's the other thing.
Guest:I don't like writing my own act.
Guest:You're the same as me.
Guest:You're the only person that I have heard has the same, you know, writing style for stand-up as me where it's just all in your head and you don't really write anything down.
Marc:No, you just outline it.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yeah, me too.
Marc:Just make these outlines.
Marc:You lose so much shit like that.
Guest:Oh, it's the worst process.
Marc:And when I look at people that are really successful...
Guest:Always are on their laptops.
Guest:They have it all written down long form.
Marc:Well, I mean, but they're also doing a different type of joke.
Marc:Like these people that have like some sort of distance between them and their routine, which I don't really.
Marc:I mean, it is.
Marc:the me that lives on stage.
Guest:Sure.
Marc:But I'm not just writing general jokes.
Guest:No.
Guest:I mean, I do sometimes.
Guest:Sometimes they're fun to still pepper in and they're all over my set.
Guest:But no, I don't do that anymore either.
Guest:There is no difference between me on and off stage.
Guest:I feel like there, I can, which is so nice to finally be able to go on stage and be very conversational.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I mean, you do stop talking off stage sometimes, right?
Guest:Mark.
What?
Marc:Are you telling me that I talk too much?
Marc:No, I'm just saying that.
Marc:I say that too, that there's no difference between me on stage and off.
Marc:But off stage, there's another 24 hours.
Marc:There's another 23 hours.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:No, it's obviously a heightened version of myself.
Guest:But I know what you mean.
Guest:You're just comfortable.
Guest:confident version of myself.
Guest:But there's no, it's, people are always shocked at how seamless it is from me having a conversation with them in the wings of the theater.
Guest:And then just being like, hold on one second, I'll just get right back to that.
Guest:And then being able to walk out without having to do some kind of breathing exercise, centering myself.
Guest:I can just flow right into it.
Marc:I don't even bring opener anymore.
Guest:Really?
Marc:I've lately just been going out because I got all this material.
Marc:I know.
Marc:I have too much, too.
Marc:Right.
Marc:So I'm just sort of like, fuck it.
Marc:They're here to see me.
Marc:What do I need?
Marc:And I'm sort of mean because I get out and I go, there's no opener.
Marc:It's me.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:I'm tired of the patter and the trying.
Guest:I don't disagree with you.
Guest:I bring an opener.
Guest:I like because bringing openers helps give comics opportunity.
Guest:That's the only reason.
Marc:And that's important to do it.
Marc:It's part of our legacy.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:It's part of the responsibility to give back.
Guest:And they keep me company.
Marc:Well, see, that goes either way.
Guest:I need that.
Guest:Deeply.
Guest:I have three openers sometimes.
Guest:I bring two, regardless.
Guest:I have my Anya Marina.
Guest:She's a musician.
Guest:She's my best friend.
Guest:So she comes out and does two songs.
Guest:Then my podcast co-host, who my fans already know and they're fans of.
Guest:Who's that?
Guest:Andrew Collin.
Marc:Is he the guy that is always there with you?
Guest:always there with me yes he's my uh you know he lives in my building and we do a podcast together from st louis four days a week and then um and then uh oh so he opens it they usually i have like a one usually three and then anya comes out does two songs and then she does a third song and then i come out and sing with her oh and then and then you do your show so what so then what are you left with like 15 minutes
Guest:$15 at the end of paying for all this shit.
Guest:But no, I do like sometimes I do, you know, an hour 40 sometimes.
Guest:Yeah, me too.
Guest:And then I have to just every night go, can you do five minutes, Andrew?
Guest:I'm sorry.
Marc:I know what's the point.
Marc:But that's why I do it myself because I know I'm working shit out.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And I got to shoot a special in December and it's a long arc.
Marc:But so I've got this like two hours, hour 45.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Some of it I'm going to burn in Montreal and I can be done with it because I got to do a TV thing.
Guest:But no one's going to see that here.
Marc:No one ever sees that.
Guest:I know.
Guest:Where does it go?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:No one ever tweets about it.
Guest:So much pressure.
Guest:No one ever talks about it.
Guest:So much preparation.
Guest:So much planning.
Guest:So much pressure is on those gala sets.
Guest:And then I never see them again.
Guest:Never.
Guest:I never see them.
Marc:I can't even find them on YouTube.
Marc:But nobody.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And nobody talks about them.
Guest:No.
Marc:It's the weirdest thing.
Marc:It is.
Marc:First of all, as big a country as Canada is, there's not a lot of people there.
Marc:Number one.
Guest:Right.
Right.
Marc:And number two, you just would think there'd be a flurry of maybe two tweets when they run it, when they repeat it.
Marc:I've done four at least of those galas of one kind or another.
Marc:Did one in Winnipeg.
Marc:I'm hosting this one.
Guest:Oh, that's nice.
Marc:I guess it's nice.
Marc:It would have been nice 10 years ago.
Marc:It feels like a big deal in the moment.
Marc:But I've done so many of them.
Marc:It's not an easy room.
Guest:It's huge.
Guest:No, it's not.
Marc:It's a huge room.
Marc:It's terrible.
Guest:Hosting is never easy no matter when you do it.
Marc:But yeah, so I'm not going to do it.
Marc:But anyway, do it.
Marc:So what I'm saying about the opener thing is that I started to realize that if I'm going to be up there an hour and a half and I follow some guys doing 20, 25, and then all of a sudden it could be like a two hour, two and a half hour to 15.
Marc:Like they don't want that.
Guest:No one wants that.
Marc:My fucking audience is grownups.
Marc:They got babysitters and shit.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I sometimes offer, if I go too long and I go, you have to pay, I will say, I will Venmo you for the extra hour for your babysitter.
Guest:I feel so bad that I kept you so long.
Guest:I start to feel bad because I don't want to see anyone more than two hours, two, two 15.
Marc:And here we are doing it.
Guest:I know.
Marc:And sometimes I used to do it.
Marc:Sometimes I do it when I was tanking.
Marc:Like if I wasn't having a good show, I just stay up there.
Guest:Waiting for something good to happen or punishing them?
Marc:I think subconsciously, it's a mixture of both of those, but it's also sort of like, they can't leave saying, I didn't try.
Yeah.
Marc:You know, they can't go like, God, he just fucking ate it and bolted me.
Marc:It's like, no, I'm going to stay up here.
Guest:Oh, I used to close with a dance.
Guest:And by used to, I mean a couple months ago.
Guest:It was just fun to do.
Guest:I had my two openers.
Guest:Oh, yeah, it's so fun.
Guest:I had my two openers come out at the end.
Guest:And there's no closer that's like, and so you must dance.
Guest:And then the music comes.
Guest:I close on just whatever bit I end up on.
Guest:Yeah, right.
Guest:There
Marc:So you know that with the dance, it'll be strong clothes no matter what.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:It always gives them something.
Guest:Even if they didn't have fun, at least they saw me do a weird dance.
Guest:I always have to give extra things.
Guest:And then the meet and greets, I give so much because I just want them to not be able to go.
Guest:It wasn't that great because if they meet me, they're going to have a good time.
Guest:I'm a really good meet.
Guest:I'm a great great too.
Marc:Yeah, a good meet and greet?
Guest:Yeah, I do it both.
Marc:Well, I mean, what do you think this is, though?
Guest:Low self-esteem.
Marc:Exactly, right?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Because I don't do the meet and greet anymore.
Marc:What I'll do is I'll hang around backstage for a while.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And then I'll just wander out about 20 minutes later, and I just figure whoever's out in front of the theater.
Guest:Whoever, yes.
Marc:You know, the 20 weirdos who love me, and I love them.
Guest:And they put in the time.
Guest:They wait in.
Marc:And I'll do a few pictures.
Guest:Sure.
Marc:But I won't do the line anymore.
Marc:There's too many pictures of me out in the world looking tired with strangers.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And they don't go anywhere.
Guest:Talk about it.
Guest:You never see it.
Guest:I take hundreds of pictures a night and then no one posts it.
Guest:I go, you're waiting for me to die so you can have a good Instagram post.
Guest:Because that's when this will show up.
Marc:Maybe they just want to have their own memory.
Guest:Maybe they're not all about.
Guest:No one has memories anymore in their phone.
Guest:They only post.
Guest:The only reason you take a picture is to post it.
Guest:But I love doing it.
Guest:I really enjoy it because I've- You don't do merch anymore, though, do you?
Guest:I do merch, but I don't do it myself.
Guest:I could never do that and look people in the eye and convince them to buy a shirt that says Nikki Glaser is my hall pass or whatever the fuck I'm selling.
Guest:I could not.
Guest:I feel I'm such a bad salesman.
Guest:I don't believe in myself.
Marc:You bring someone on the road to sell?
Guest:Yeah, I have a tour manager.
Guest:And then the venue has someone that you pay, you tip, extract, and they pay it.
Marc:I can't deal with the anxiety of the boxes and knowing that-
Guest:Oh yeah, that's all taken care of.
Guest:I would never do it if it wasn't taken care of.
Guest:But the meet and greets I do like, I charge $50 for them at the merch booth if you want to buy one.
Guest:But if you can't afford one, you DM me and I go, yeah, I'll give you one if you care enough to meet me.
Marc:You do a $50 meet and greet, they get 50 bucks to hang out with you?
Guest:Well, it's one of the items of the merch booth, but if you can't afford it, I will always give it to you.
Guest:And the people that run the merch booth know that if someone is just like, how do I meet Nikki?
Guest:Oh, and they're worried about the money, then I'll just give it to you.
Guest:I'm not trying to make money off it.
Marc:So that's your version of helping the homeless?
Guest:No, I'm trying to minimize how many people I meet, because if you just meet everyone, then you get a lot of guys grabbing you weird ways, saying dirty jokes to you.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:They're hand lingering.
Guest:This is the move they do.
Guest:They around your waist.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And then when the picture is over, they let their hand drape and then slide across your ass slowly.
Guest:So you cannot call them out for, hey, you just touched my ass.
Guest:Because they'll go, oh, it was a mistake.
Guest:What are you talking about?
Guest:And then it's a whole thing.
Guest:So you just let it happen.
Marc:So that repeats itself?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:It happens over and over.
Guest:I will sometimes tell someone, watch this.
Guest:behind well you just watch for these guys because i know some audiences where there's going to be these guys and these guys the guys that are security guys focused on my ass waiting for guys to touch it will not see it i'll go did you see that one they go they know it's so sly it's so under the radar these guys are good yeah and so i i don't do i used to just hang out after shows and meet every single person because i heard dane cook did that or whatever i don't know you heard dink you know dane cook used to do that he used to like stay at
Guest:hours of meet everyone after like arenas.
Guest:And now I just charge just to cut down on the sheer number.
Marc:But what do they get?
Marc:Is that part of a VIP package?
Guest:Yeah, it's a part of a VIP thing.
Guest:Or you can buy them individually at the merch booth.
Guest:Or I have a new policy where if you go to my show alone, which I think so many, we miss out on so many ticket sales.
Guest:I get a lot of people.
Guest:And a lot of people that won't go to shows because people that are fans of comedy have social anxiety a lot of times.
Guest:People that are fans of podcasts.
Marc:I get a lot of guys alone.
Guest:But a lot of people will not go alone because they don't have a friend to go with and they don't want to look like a loser.
Guest:So I've incentivized it and I say, if you go to my show alone, you get a free meet and greet and I will like, I'll be your friend.
Guest:Because I think that- Does that include dudes?
Marc:Does that include ass touchers?
Guest:Yeah, everyone.
Guest:And they're the sweet- Ass touchers though?
Guest:The people that take me up are always the sweetest.
Guest:They're always so glad.
Guest:They're like, I never do anything like this.
Guest:It's empowering me to go to more things alone because I don't know that I could do it.
Guest:I felt very awkward going to things alone.
Marc:I just want to be able to leave-
Marc:before it's over.
Guest:Oh, me too.
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:I wonder if I would leave my own show before it's over.
Guest:Like, I always think of that, and possibly, but I'd miss the dancing.
Marc:But what, okay, so you're living in St.
Marc:Louis?
Guest:Yeah, I live in St.
Marc:Louis.
Marc:How long have you been doing that?
Guest:Since March of 2020.
Marc:I haven't, I don't think we've hung out in years, so I gotta catch up on shit.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:So, how's the eating?
Marc:Eating?
Guest:I love you so much.
Marc:Just get to it.
Marc:What did you do?
Marc:I just made my anorexic salad that I have for the week.
Guest:Oh my God.
Guest:Let me guess.
Guest:Is there...
Guest:It's an oil and vinegar.
Guest:You're using a little bit of oil.
Marc:Not much.
Marc:It's a red cabbage thing.
Guest:Oh, you're in a cabbage phase, are you?
Marc:It's been going on a while.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:How long has this been going on?
Marc:Months.
Guest:Yeah, months.
Guest:That's usually how long I go with a food that I'm really into.
Marc:Yeah, I thought I was going to hit the wall with it, but it hasn't happened yet.
Guest:I do that all the time still.
Marc:But the problem is, I was on the road for three weeks, like a month, and one of it was shooting a show in Canada.
Marc:And I just drifted into, I'll fucking eat bread.
Marc:I don't give a fuck.
Guest:Yeah, and how'd that go for you?
Marc:Bad.
Guest:Did you gain?
Marc:Yeah, it got bloated.
Marc:You did?
Marc:Ice cream in it.
Marc:I don't give a shit.
Marc:Cream cheese.
Marc:I don't eat fucking dairy.
Guest:See, it has to be all or nothing for us.
Guest:But it's like a slow build, though.
Marc:It doesn't have to be that, man.
Marc:But it turns your brain.
Marc:All of a sudden, you're like, I guess I'm just a bread guy now.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I can't be that.
Guest:You can be a bread guy.
Marc:No.
Guest:You don't have to be all the bread guy.
Guest:The problem, I, okay, March 2020, I moved in with my parents in St.
Guest:Louis.
Guest:I was scared the pandemic was happening.
Guest:I was in between apartments in New York.
Marc:Are you still with your parents?
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:I'm out of there.
Guest:But I was there for 10 months and I just got so depressed very quickly.
Guest:And then my eating disorder became so loud and was honestly the thing that I realized.
Guest:I go, this is why I don't have a boyfriend or anyone I could possibly live with besides my parents.
Guest:And this is why I don't want to live alone either, because I'm so scared of how fucking weird I would get with food and how much it would kill me.
Guest:And so I took care of it.
Marc:What do you mean took care of it?
Guest:I got help.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:I started, you know.
Marc:What, OA?
Guest:I just found a solution.
Guest:OA?
Guest:I cannot say.
Marc:Can I talk?
Marc:We talk good.
Guest:Well, I know you do, but you're missing the second letter there.
Marc:I get that, but I mean, you are sort of saying it and also I believe it helps people.
Guest:I believe it helps people too, but I also believe that if you associate yourself with that and then you fail, then people can say it doesn't work.
Marc:I understand that tradition.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Do you?
Marc:Sure.
Marc:I absolutely do.
Guest:Then why don't you respect it?
Marc:Because I say this, I am not speaking for the program.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:I am in recovery, but I do not represent AA in saying this, that it worked for me.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:Or that any of it works for me.
Marc:I'm very conditional about it.
Guest:Right.
Marc:And I have found that I get dozens, if not hundreds, of fucking emails from people I help gets over.
Guest:Oh, of course.
Guest:Because of it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, I say, what I say is, if you want to know what I did, you can write to me and I'll tell you.
Guest:Okay, well, there you go.
Guest:But I will not confirm or deny what you just said.
Guest:But I found a... All right.
Marc:Secret Society, die hard.
Guest:Yeah, I found a Secret Society.
Marc:You're old school.
Guest:Yeah, you know, I just, because right now I'm not actually very active in it.
Guest:I'm still abstinent, which is, for me, not skipping meals.
Guest:I just, I don't get to skip breakfast anymore.
Guest:I don't get to, I don't get to starve ever.
Guest:I don't get to be hungry and be like, yes.
Marc:Do you know that lady who has the ice cream places in St.
Marc:Louis?
Guest:Jenny?
Marc:No.
Guest:No?
Marc:Clementines.
Marc:Is that it?
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I've heard of Clementines.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Of course, yes.
Guest:I'm just not a, I don't do sugar.
Marc:This shit, she, I learned.
Marc:Oh, it's gut.
Marc:I learned so much from her.
Guest:What did you learn?
Marc:Well, I mean, they would, the publicists of the place is a fan of mine, so they're sending me the boxes.
Guest:Oh, nice.
Guest:What'd you learn?
Marc:That in order for an ice cream to be artisanal, that has to have a certain milk fat ratio and some part of it has to be made by hand and that most of the good ice creams do not have a high milk fat.
Marc:They're all hovering around some percentage.
Marc:I don't remember what it is, but real ice cream with the real amount that you're scared of fat.
Marc:Right, but that's why it tastes so different.
Guest:After the 90s, non-fat trends, yes.
Marc:Okay, clangentines.
Guest:Yeah, so I don't skip meals anymore.
Guest:Yeah, I still struggle with stuff, but man, is it not as loud anymore.
Marc:But you freaked out when you got home?
Guest:Oh, dude, because I was just eating.
Guest:I was starving all day.
Guest:I was doing intermittent fasting, so I was just starving all day.
Marc:Intermittent fasting like you were being healthy?
Guest:Well, that's it's just adult anorexia.
Guest:It's like this.
Guest:Suddenly you don't have to lie about starving.
Guest:You can just be like, oh, I'm doing IF.
Guest:And then everyone is like, oh, that's fine.
Guest:And they don't ask questions and they don't judge you.
Guest:It's like acceptable.
Guest:So I really latched on to that and was just for years not eating just coffee like lattes throughout the day and then start eating at night, have a dinner and then it would not stop for the rest of the night.
Guest:And then I would just sleep and wake up and you just eat all night.
Guest:All night long.
Guest:Just protein bars, though.
Guest:Not even fun.
Guest:Well, they were so good.
Guest:I mean, I can be into anything.
Guest:What kind of protein bars?
Guest:Your cabbage salad, you're super into it.
Marc:But I know that's not going to hang on me.
Guest:Well, when I'm starving all day and I'm doing the amount of calories.
Guest:But I would wake up and just collect in the morning, count the wrappers, not knowing how many there were that I before.
Guest:It was always like nine to six.
Guest:17 wrappers.
Guest:I'm not going to say what kind because then someone's going to go.
Guest:There's some anorexic listening being like, what kind did she use?
Guest:But they were low sugar, as low cal as I can get with still being delicious.
Guest:And they are delicious.
Marc:I never eat the protein bars.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Good for you.
Marc:The only one that I'll eat sometimes is the one that's got like the one egg.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, those ones.
Marc:You know, honey.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Those are everywhere.
Guest:Yeah, those are the new kind bars.
Guest:They're taking over.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:I have one sitting.
Marc:Someone sent me one.
Marc:Here's what I don't understand, though, that I cannot fucking shake it.
Marc:The judging, the woman I've been seeing put it to me pretty plainly, that I don't know, I can't see that my self-worth is not based on how I feel about my weight.
Guest:Yeah, I know, I know.
Marc:Because it just happens, it's not even that clear.
Marc:I just know that when I'm uncomfortable, I'm like, I'm terrible.
Marc:I just want to be invisible.
Marc:How many chins do I have?
Guest:I know.
Guest:But haven't you been the way you want to... I'm 58.
Guest:I know, Mark.
Guest:It doesn't go away unless you work a program, unfortunately, is my understanding of it.
Guest:But have you ever... Have you looked back, though, when you have been the way you wanted to be and were you happy?
Guest:Too skinny.
Guest:Well, let's say the way that you would want to be right now if you snap your fingers.
Guest:If you look back at a picture of yourself, you weren't happy.
Guest:It doesn't look good.
Guest:Not only does it not look good.
Marc:Look at the last season of Glow.
Marc:I was emaciated.
Guest:Really?
Marc:I just started sugar detox, by the way.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:Yesterday.
Guest:Of course you did.
Marc:No, it's been a while.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:So I started one.
Guest:Uh-huh.
Marc:And I did this for glow because I said, I'm going to just take off a few pounds so I can eat, not be freaked out about eating craft services for the last season of glow.
Marc:And I got down to like 172.
Marc:All right.
Marc:And that's for me, like at 175, I'm on the border of too skinny.
Marc:So at 172, like my character in the last season of glow looks like I have cancer that no one was talking about.
Marc:And I.
Guest:Ah, they're waiting.
Guest:We're all waiting for this announcement to happen.
Marc:No.
Marc:No, they're not going to mention it.
Marc:They're not going to mention Sam's cancer.
Guest:That's weird.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:So, yeah, even when you get it, you don't look good.
Guest:You don't feel good.
Guest:I can't be.
Guest:I just... I've gained weight recently, and I felt so... Because it was so good as soon as I started doing three meals a day and then just letting myself eat.
Guest:My rule was, like, never let yourself skip a meal and never...
Guest:If you're hungry, you got to find something to eat right away.
Guest:No questions asked.
Guest:And I did it and I still do it.
Guest:And then I started overeating and under exercising.
Guest:I gained weight and it's it's a struggle sometimes.
Guest:And I feel and I'm tempted to the good thing is now I can't do anything about it.
Guest:My rule is I don't get to diet.
Guest:So when I feel fat, I got to come up with something else because it's not going to be eating less.
Marc:As opposed to putting a control in place.
Guest:Yeah, like whenever I used to feel like out of control about my body or hate a picture I was in or my pants were tight, I would immediately go, okay, tomorrow I'm starting this diet and I would fucking do it or I wouldn't do it and I'd feel like a failure.
Guest:Now it's, okay, I got to...
Guest:I'm clearly overeating for some reason and I got to start writing letters to God or whatever the fuck.
Guest:Like I got to start praying.
Guest:I got to start meditating more.
Guest:Like there's got to be another solution.
Guest:It's not going to be not eating.
Guest:I can't do that because on the other side of it is always going to be a binge, whether it's now or whether it's tomorrow when I finally get to eat or whether it's months from now when I finally or years from now.
Guest:I mean, I could starve myself for years.
Guest:And then eventually it will turn into out of control eating.
Guest:That is so embarrassing.
Guest:No one would ever.
Guest:I'm someone who prides myself on being so honest all the time.
Guest:But man, was I not being honest about that.
Guest:I was I was talking about it being like, oh, I ate four protein bars last night in bed.
Guest:It was more like 13, you know, like that's not, once I get honest with it and I start taking pictures of the shit I was doing and sending it to the person that I was working with, it just got, it was just so, it was just so ugly.
Marc:You know, on Instagram, that stuff?
Guest:I mean, if I did, it was so alarming what I was doing to myself.
Guest:I'm sorry if I'm not being sympathetic.
Guest:No, please laugh.
Guest:So many people do this shit.
Guest:I know.
Guest:You realize everyone struggles.
Guest:And I always assumed that that place that you talked about before that I didn't say that I go to or not.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was assumed that was for people who were overweight, extremely overweight, struggling.
Guest:It isn't.
Guest:It's for everybody.
Guest:And and I really I found so I didn't think anything would ever work.
Guest:And although I still struggle, it is nothing like it.
Marc:So you get powerless over it and you can look at it differently.
Guest:Yeah, I just don't.
Guest:I love having a hard, fast rule, which is something anorexics love to do anyway.
Guest:So my rule for myself now is it used to be like no sugar or no carbs or whatever it was.
Guest:Now it's no skipping meals.
Guest:Like I can stick to it.
Guest:You can't do this thing.
Guest:And you're a bad girl if you do.
Guest:And I am a good girl.
Guest:And so I do not.
Guest:I got a streak going of good since, you know, that's great.
Guest:April of 2020 that I don't skip meals.
Guest:And it's hard because everyone fucking skips meals.
Guest:It's the way that people think they lose weight.
Marc:I haven't been doing that.
Marc:And I'm happy for you, but I just started a sugar detox.
Guest:Why?
Guest:Why?
Guest:Are you trying to lose weight?
Guest:Why would you want to change the way you look at all right now?
Marc:Because I plowed through a fucking pint and a half of ice cream the other night, and I was in New Mexico eating tortillas for three days.
Guest:I have a feeling you're going to plow through another pint at some point if you deprive yourself of something you deeply, deeply want.
Marc:I'm not depriving myself.
Marc:I'm eating all day long.
Marc:I just thought maybe I got some new vitamins from a guy.
Guest:Listen, you enjoy yourself on these things.
Guest:It'll pass.
Marc:No, I know.
Marc:I've been here before.
Marc:I'm just saying to you I'm happy.
Guest:I can't stand being around people on detoxes, diets.
Guest:I can't even be friends.
Marc:People just get so- Dude, I'm eating all day, but I'm just not eating it.
Marc:Are you kidding me?
Guest:I can tell you're good.
Marc:I'm eating nuts.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:I'm eating the cabbage salad, ate eggs and avocados.
Guest:You know, isn't it just so nice, though, when you're not constantly thinking about food?
Guest:And like at the end of every meal, you're thinking, that wins my next one.
Guest:Like now I can just like think about other shit.
Marc:Yeah, I know.
Marc:But I love thinking about food.
Guest:I mean, I do too.
Marc:Yeah, but not in a bad way.
Guest:Not in a way that's like, I'd rather eat than fuck.
Marc:Here's what happened.
Marc:This is what I'm telling you.
Marc:You'd rather eat than fuck.
Guest:Well, I used to always, at the end of the night, I would be starving all day.
Guest:I'd go on a date with a guy, eat a dinner that looks like normal.
Guest:I wouldn't be like, I want to eat like a bird for a man.
Guest:I'd eat a normal dinner.
Guest:But it wouldn't be enough because I starved all day and I'm used to going home and eating all my protein bars.
Guest:So instead of going back to his place, which I would love to do, food is always going to fucking win.
Guest:Wow.
Guest:Food always wins.
Guest:Food is being hungry.
Guest:Trump's everything.
Guest:And so you you're just all you're thinking about is food.
Guest:You can't think about sex.
Guest:You can't think about my career, even like everything was motivated by food when I was going to eat next, when how much I just ate, when I'm going to work that off.
Guest:And it just it's that voice is still in me.
Guest:It's not I haven't killed her yet, but it's so much quieter.
Marc:Yeah, well, it's like by getting your head around your three meals thing and around the powerlessness of the compulsion, you can kind of be like, just shut up.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:To that person.
Marc:It's like, I know you're upset, but we're not doing it.
Guest:I just realized there was this one thing that I heard one time that really got through to me, which was there's this anecdote that someone shared in one of the meetings about a girl that had a sugar problem and her thing was like, no sugar.
Guest:In these kind of programs, everyone has a different abstinence.
Guest:You can't just stop eating.
Guest:Everyone has a different thing.
Marc:One thing Misha needs to say to me is that, because I've been wrestling with this for years,
Marc:That was my second wife.
Marc:She said, like, the problem with the addiction to sex and food is you need to do both.
Marc:You know, you cannot really abstain from those things, really.
Guest:I mean, sex.
Marc:You can, but it's not great.
Marc:So even if it's just food, it's not like drugs or drinking or gambling or getting in debt.
Guest:Yes, yes.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:It's like with food, you have to decide your bottom line.
Guest:You have to figure out what your bottom lines are, and it takes a really long time to do that.
Guest:I mean, then I switched for a while.
Guest:I was just, you know, doing three meals, eating a normal diet, but I was chewing gum constantly.
Guest:Me too, chewing gums.
Guest:To the point where I was getting sores in my mouth.
Guest:So gums, yeah.
Guest:I had to have a fucking surgery.
Guest:What kind of gum?
Guest:Trident Wintergreen.
Guest:Oh, God.
Marc:You had to get surgery?
Guest:I had to get surgery in college.
Guest:I was chewing so much gum.
Guest:I had this thing called a ranula.
Guest:If you Google it, ranula is Latin for a bullfrog's bubble, and it just clogged one of my ducts.
Guest:I have those, yeah.
Guest:And I had to pop it with a needle and it got so callous that I had to have it surgically removed.
Guest:And I had to lie to the guy about why I knew it was from gum.
Marc:I've had those removed.
Marc:They're glands that get clogged.
Marc:Yes, yes.
Guest:So I quit gum too.
Guest:So that's another one.
Guest:I did too.
Guest:I quit gum.
Guest:No more gum.
Guest:No gum.
Guest:Because I just want it more and more and it easily replaces- Orbits.
Guest:Oh yeah.
Guest:It easily replaces food.
Marc:Yeah, that's what I was doing.
Marc:It's gone.
Marc:That's gone.
Marc:The only reason, here's what I'm telling you.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Because I don't want you to judge me.
Guest:I'm not judging you.
Guest:I smoke weed.
Marc:Okay.
Marc:I'm not, that's fine.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, like, I just want to say, like, I'm not perfect.
Guest:I've got stuff that I still want to conquer.
Marc:Fuck, you're not perfect?
Marc:I'm so close.
Guest:I'm so fucking close.
Marc:Here's what I was going to tell you, though.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:The sugar detox is only because I know that once I get on a... You crave that thing.
Marc:Oh, you're getting it out.
Marc:Yeah, because sugar is... It changes the way you think.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:That's what's bumming me out about it.
Guest:Okay, that makes sense.
Marc:It's shifting how I perceive what I'm eating.
Guest:Everything.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Okay, that makes sense.
Guest:Yeah, that's it.
Guest:I support that.
Marc:That's it.
Marc:That's it.
Guest:No judgment there.
Marc:So...
Marc:St.
Marc:Louis, how do you feel?
Marc:What is it like living in a fascist state?
Marc:I know, right?
Marc:Fuck.
Marc:I mean, is that a consider... Like, I'll go perform there, and the people I bring, they're sort of like, thank you.
Marc:Thank you for coming.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:It's scary hearing like... St.
Guest:Louis is not... It doesn't feel that way in St.
Guest:Louis.
Marc:I just interviewed Jason Kander, who used to be your state senator, I believe.
Guest:Really?
Marc:Yeah, he's great.
Guest:Okay, good, good.
Marc:Yeah, he's a great guy.
Marc:Democratic guy.
Marc:Hopefully he'll run for Senate there.
Marc:He was a presidential hopeful, but he had PTSD and he didn't know it.
Guest:Oh my God.
Marc:And he had to pull out and deal with it.
Marc:Great guy.
Guest:Good for him.
Marc:Great guy.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Oh, but anyway, so do you probably- So I'm in St.
Guest:Louis, so I don't feel it that much.
Guest:Right, right.
Guest:And I'm not there that much.
Guest:I'm just there Monday through Thursday.
Marc:I just wonder, I mean- And I love it.
Guest:I love St.
Guest:Louis.
Marc:You do?
Marc:I do.
Marc:I had a nice time there.
Marc:I was taken around by the woman who owns Clementine.
Marc:She showed me around the city.
Marc:It's beautiful.
Marc:It's one of those cities where I go, that's kind of rebuilding somehow.
Marc:There's a lot of them.
Marc:You know what else is?
Marc:Pittsburgh's cool.
Guest:It's so cool.
Marc:Isn't it?
Guest:Yes.
Marc:I was surprised.
Guest:I said the same thing.
Guest:Oh, God.
Guest:You could tell me and I would know.
Marc:Did you do that Carnegie Homestead Library thing?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:That weird haunted shithole up there?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:So, which was great this time.
Marc:The first time I played it, I'm like, there's something wrong with this place.
Marc:And then this time I'm like, no, it's good.
Guest:Maybe it was me.
Guest:I loved Pittsburgh, yes.
Marc:But yeah, you walk around, you're like, holy fuck.
Guest:It's gorgeous.
Guest:What a cool city.
Guest:The hill, the trolley things going up.
Guest:The hills, yeah.
Marc:I loved it.
Guest:I did too.
Marc:I was like, I live here.
Guest:I felt the same way.
Guest:Really?
Guest:But I was just in Denver.
Guest:Now I know because I live in St.
Guest:Louis, I could live anywhere and have a great career.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I was just in Denver and I was out at, I was at a Columbine.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I'm kind of like, I just got really into Columbine in the past couple months.
Guest:The school?
Guest:Just the events.
Guest:The city?
Guest:Oh, oh, oh.
Marc:So you went to go look at it?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:The way that people are obsessed with murders, I'm kind of obsessed with- School shootings?
No.
Guest:Columbine specifically, I was just at the age, I was a freshman when it happened.
Guest:I've been fascinated by it for years, and then I read this amazing book by David Colon called Columbine that just, I thought I knew everything about it, and I didn't.
Guest:It was so fascinating.
Guest:It really makes you look at every mass shooting now so much differently and understand how it got.
Guest:Like how?
Guest:Like why?
Guest:Well, Columbine was a botched bombing.
Guest:If those guys were alive to see what they did, they would be humiliated by what happened because it was supposed to be they were trying to recreate the Oklahoma City bombing.
Guest:OK.
Guest:And their bombs didn't go off and they were only they only had guns so they could pick off the survivors that ran out of the cafeteria.
Marc:They have the bombs.
Guest:In the cafeteria, in their cars also, they planted a bomb first to drive all police activity away from Littleton so that there could be more carnage.
Guest:That bomb really, that kind of fizzled.
Guest:No one really paid attention to it.
Guest:The bombs they planted in the cafeteria where it was supposed to be up to 600, maybe 1,000 casualties during this, they plotted it.
Guest:figured out when the most students would be there.
Guest:These kids, by the way, were like not losers.
Guest:They were picked on at times, but so was everyone at Columbine, really.
Guest:It was like a very like bullying school.
Guest:They had a problem, but they were getting laid.
Guest:They were popular.
Guest:They had a lot of friends that had no idea.
Marc:So what do you think it was?
Guest:Eric Harris is a psychopath.
Guest:And he had an extinction fetish and he wanted to cause mass extinction.
Guest:And then Dylan was suicidal and meant to kill himself before they had planned this attack on 420, but he never got around to it.
Guest:And so he just kind of fell into it.
Guest:And that's what happened.
Marc:So when you went to the school, what did you feel?
Guest:I just was, well, I felt very creepy vibes at one point in this certain area that where it almost looked reminiscent of what happened 20 years ago there or over 20 years ago there.
Guest:There was a moment where my friends were...
Guest:Really weirded out by my fascination, but I like forced them to go to Columbine twice because we went at night one time and then I because they wanted to go to dinner beforehand.
Guest:So I wanted to see it during the day and then we went back during the day again and they were worried that I was going to be arrested for trespassing.
Guest:But I wasn't trying to get in.
Guest:I was just trying to pay homage and like
Guest:And also there was this morbid curiosity that I'm not going to lie was also there of this like insane tragedy that happened that was such an anomaly of two people deciding to do this act together, which it's usually a single person.
Marc:Did you like that Gus Van Zandt movie?
Guest:What was that one?
Guest:Did he do a Columbine movie?
Marc:It was sort of based on it.
Marc:Wasn't it called Elephant?
Guest:oh yeah i never saw that no i don't want to see it i don't want to see people get i really hate gun violence i don't watch i can't watch any kind of violent thing but i can sure as hell read about it and um but the real interesting thing was i went to columbine the um the memorial at night which they have a beautiful it that's where i want to live is littleton it's the most beautiful campus i've ever seen you can see the mountains there's this gigantic lake it is
Guest:it's glorious that's where columbine is yeah in littleton and um i went to this this is so weird mark okay so i don't know if you remember but i don't know why this is turning into me teaching you about columbine but it is interesting and i'm obsessed so there was a story that came out of columbine when it happened that this one girl they were asking people in the library before they picked them off they would say do you believe in god and one girl said yes and then he killed her her name was cassie burnall and she died a martyr for jesus christ
Guest:That was eyewitness accounts of someone that heard one of the shooters say, do you believe in God and heard a gunshot.
Guest:That turned into this huge story where this girl that, you know, was a definite like crusader for Christ, had her life turned around by Christ and was so devoted, such a good Christian.
Guest:It became her story.
Guest:She became this martyr.
Guest:Her mom got a book deal.
Guest:Her mom felt weird about even doing a book about it.
Guest:But people were inspired by Cassie's story that she told this guy in the face of a gun in her face.
Guest:She said, I believe in Christ and she died for it.
Guest:Well, once crime scene investigators started doing their research, they realized that the girl who said yes was not Cassie.
Guest:And it was this other girl who got shot at, but who did not die.
Guest:And she felt embarrassed to even tell the story that she was the one who said yes, because she didn't want to take it from this poor girl who died.
Guest:And so...
Guest:It kind of got out a little bit, but it was quickly squashed by, you know, the Christian movement, like the churches globbed onto this.
Guest:They used her as like a way to convert so many kids.
Marc:The Christian industrial complex shut her down?
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Marc:The Christian stooges?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:But it is documented that Cassie did not say it.
Guest:It was this other girl that said it.
Guest:So then I'm at the memorial and there is a woman there.
Guest:I mean, this is like on Father's Day at 930 at night on a Sunday.
Guest:There's no anniversary.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:I go there with my friends.
Guest:We're reading each of the plaques.
Guest:And as we're standing there, there's this one woman just standing in front of one of the plaques.
Guest:We get to it.
Guest:It's Cassie's plaque.
Guest:I'm trying to read it.
Guest:And the woman's like, where are you guys from?
Guest:What's your connection to Columbine?
Guest:And I'm just like, oh, I'm just pretty fascinated by it.
Guest:I was a freshman in high school when it happened.
Guest:Kind of bookended my high school.
Guest:I was Columbine freshman year, 9-11, senior year.
Guest:It just means a lot to me in a weird way.
Guest:She's asking a lot of questions and she is trying to she's there for a look back on it.
Guest:She was like trying to get us to convert to something.
Guest:She was standing in front of her her like little site as like a, you know, an ambassador for her.
Guest:And I have no idea at this time that that's her.
Guest:But I just thought she's just a woman.
Guest:And I quickly established like she wasn't there mourning anyone because I wasn't going to go off and talk about what I know.
Guest:if it was someone who lost someone.
Guest:So she was like, oh yeah, I was going to this Denver high school when it happened.
Guest:I don't know anyone from it, but I just like to come here.
Guest:It's so peaceful.
Guest:And I was like, yeah, it really is.
Guest:And then I read her plaque and it said, she said yes.
Guest:And I go, you know, she didn't, right?
Guest:And the girl goes, what?
Guest:And I go, she didn't actually say yes.
Guest:And I was kind of telling my friends more than her.
Guest:I was like, oh, the whole story.
Guest:And this woman is just like,
Guest:where did you hear that?
Guest:And I was like, well, I just read this book by Dave Cullen called Columbine.
Guest:It's been completely debunked.
Guest:She didn't say it, but I'm guessing she would have anyway.
Guest:So why not just give it to her, you know?
Guest:And she suddenly, she just drifted off into the night.
Guest:And I swear to God, this woman, I dismantled her entire reason for believing in Christ.
Guest:I mean, this was probably a girl who was, she was an eighth grader when it happened.
Guest:And she was probably one of the ones that was converted by this story.
Guest:And my just like,
Guest:Just, you know, aside.
Guest:There you go.
Marc:You're doing the opposite of missionary work.
Guest:Which is.
Marc:You're an antichrist missionary.
Guest:I mean, if that is what I go down in history as, I would love it.
Guest:That'll be on your grave site.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:She said bullshit.
Ha ha ha.
Guest:But I had no idea.
Guest:I would never try to offend anyone who believes in that and has a whole identity based on that, but it was fascinating to me.
Marc:So you've decided that you can live in Pittsburgh because there's hills and it's cool.
Marc:Yeah, and I could live in Littleton because it has... And you can live in Littleton because of Columbine's nearby.
Guest:I could stop by Columbine anytime and just remember.
Marc:Because I've been touring a lot.
Marc:And I see the ones that are trying to kind of turn it around.
Marc:Like Cleveland's only, it's inching towards, it's a little too big.
Guest:It's too spread out.
Guest:Yes, yes, yes.
Guest:Kansas City.
Marc:Detroit seems to be bouncing back a little bit.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Guest:Right?
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:That one hotel, Chanel.
Marc:Oh, I stayed at Foundation.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Marc:It was a firehouse.
Marc:It was the main firehouse.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Well, I read in Detroit.
Guest:I called 911 when I was in Detroit because we saw a car accident that happened on the highway.
Guest:And it was I got a busy tone and then it just rang for 10 minutes and then never picked up.
Guest:And then I was looking up interesting facts about Detroit so I could roast them.
Guest:And one of the facts was it takes an hour for your 911 call to be answered.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:So.
Marc:Well, maybe it's not bouncing back.
Marc:Kansas City.
Marc:I didn't go to Kansas City.
Guest:I like Kansas City a lot.
Marc:I got some dates coming up in Lincoln, Nebraska.
Guest:I've never been there.
Marc:So I thought I was going to get to see your whole special, but they just sent me the fucking trailer.
Guest:Oh, lucky you.
Guest:What are you talking about?
Guest:I mean, you just didn't have to watch a special.
Guest:I mean, we all love watching.
Guest:I watch them.
Marc:I'll watch them.
Guest:That's so nice.
Guest:I know you would, but like you got out of it by like, I couldn't.
Guest:It's kind of like why I like.
Marc:No, I was ready.
Marc:I'd set time aside.
Guest:That's why I like being tied up during sex so I can be like, I would jerk you on, but I can't.
Guest:Like, I love a good excuse.
Guest:It's part of my thrill.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, they only sent me the trailer.
Guest:I would have.
Guest:I couldn't wait to.
Marc:No, but I thought it was funny.
Guest:It's called Good Clean Filth.
Guest:Oh, thank you.
Guest:That doesn't sound convincing.
Guest:No, I do.
Guest:I'm glad you didn't see it.
Guest:Why?
Guest:Because if you didn't like it, I could tell.
Marc:No, but I like you and I like the dirty stuff.
Guest:Yeah, that's what I'm known for.
Marc:Yeah, I know.
Guest:Yeah, I don't know how to feel about that.
Marc:Are you not proud of it?
Guest:Yeah, I'm proud of it, but it's not like... I just feel like there's some kind of... If I were an outsider looking at what I do, I would be like, come on, girl.
Guest:Stop it.
Guest:It's just enough.
Guest:This is your gimmick.
Marc:I saw that in a trailer.
Marc:You're like, I'm still talking about this.
Guest:I am still talking about this shit because it's interesting to me.
Guest:I've got to be true to what I'm interested in.
Guest:It's still fucking interesting to be talking about fucking... Yeah, it's great.
Guest:I used to do it all the time.
Marc:I don't see why more people don't.
Marc:I used to do it all the time, but then it became sort of a bad look at some point.
Guest:At a certain age, it becomes a bad look?
Marc:No.
Marc:It's just sort of like, I mean, fucking is fascinating.
Guest:But you still, I'm sure you still reference it.
Guest:Oh, sure, sure.
Marc:I mean, yeah, I'll say, yeah.
Marc:I'm doing a bit about how I don't, like I'm not one of these older dudes that does hobbies, physical fitness hobbies, where it's going to have to wear a unitard and pedal fast to go nowhere.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:And these guys are like, I'm pushing my personal limits.
Marc:I'm like, why?
Marc:And then I say, if you really want to push your personal limits, fuck a crazy lady.
Marc:But not like, I'm not saying all women are crazy.
Marc:I mean, I'm a mentally ill person.
Guest:Okay.
Guest:Have sex.
Guest:Don't, stop fucking girls before, literally stop having, men need to understand that women have, when we have sex, no matter what we say, we get way more emotionally attached, as you all have seen, than even we intend or we can predict.
Guest:Exactly.
Guest:And it happens every single time.
Guest:And that is the big crux of my special is I've stopped having sex unless I'm in love, unless the person I know is going to be able to take it.
Guest:No, is in love with me because a man will always like you less after sex.
Guest:But if he loves you, he'll still stay with you and have enough men.
Guest:My point is that the only thing men like more than new pussy is integrity.
Guest:And so if a man loves you, he'll have integrity to not fuck other women.
Guest:Not that that is something I care about.
Guest:I honestly don't really care if someone fucked other women, but they won't.
Guest:I just had too many times where I would sleep with someone too soon because I thought it was time.
Guest:I thought they were going to be my boyfriend.
Guest:I thought we had shared enough and connected enough.
Guest:And then they just change afterwards.
Guest:And I kind of...
Guest:I read enough about the male brain and about orgasms and by that I mean like thirds of books and I go, oh, I get this.
Guest:And I talk about it in my special like I'm a fucking expert.
Marc:I have like two bookshelves for just thirds of books.
Guest:Just thirds of books.
Guest:Because you just go, I get this.
Marc:Where'd I stop underlining?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Where did I leave that set list?
Guest:And so, yeah, that's a stop having sex with us, please, please.
Guest:Like we and I really do.
Guest:I've just learned how to get off in other ways and to get men off in other ways, because I used to just sleep with guys because I think women, especially if we're talking about.
Guest:high school age girls having sex and if we want to cut down on teen pregnancy, I really believe we need to teach girls how to give good handjobs.
Marc:Sure.
Guest:And good blowjobs, but more so handjobs because they're not invasive.
Marc:Aren't they all watching porn?
Marc:Can't they get a sense of it?
Guest:There's no handjobs in porn.
Marc:Oh.
Marc:Girls are just getting... You have to make your search more specific.
Huh.
Guest:Handjobs are just, we're scared to disappoint men and girls are having sex in high school because they want boys to like them, not because they like having sex with a high school kid.
Marc:I've gotten, it's been a long road.
Marc:And I'm 58.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:What have you learned?
Guest:Do you know that?
Guest:Like, are you a little apprehensive when you're dating someone new and you're not sure how committed you want to be?
Guest:Well, I guess I was very straight.
Marc:You know, this the woman I've been sort of hanging out with.
Marc:I mean, since, you know, like when Lynn died, that kind of shattered any capacity I had, you know, for, you know, like I was not that good at intimacy to begin with.
Marc:And whatever that reconfigured everything.
Marc:So I like this woman I've been hanging out with for a while.
Marc:She's younger than me, but there's nothing I can do about that.
Guest:Most people are going to be at this point.
Marc:Yeah, exactly.
Marc:And I don't mind being with 40 or 50 years.
Guest:You're immature in a way.
Marc:And you're hip.
Marc:I'm not immature.
Marc:I just don't have children.
Guest:Yeah, that's a good point.
Guest:But you are.
Guest:You're silly and you're lighthearted.
Guest:You dress young.
Guest:You're young.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Maybe I dress young, but I'm not sure I'm silly and lighthearted.
Marc:You are.
Marc:To you, because you know me.
Guest:I know, so then you are.
Marc:No, but I'm not hiding from you.
Marc:I'm not being defensive or threatened emotionally.
Guest:Okay, yeah.
Marc:So, I mean, unless being immature is being terrified of being threatened emotionally.
Marc:But anyways, the point being...
Marc:I was just straight.
Marc:I said, look, I don't know what I'm capable of emotionally, really.
Marc:And and at this point or whatever, but I like hanging out and, you know, sex is is good.
Marc:And I but I just I like I have a hard time sleeping with with with you.
Marc:And like I was all pretty much open.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:But why would you have a hard time sleeping with someone?
Marc:It's just the intimacy of it.
Guest:The intimacy after, during, before?
Marc:No, for some reason in my brain, there's some sort of weird separation.
Marc:I'm also very codependent almost immediately.
Marc:So if I have somebody living in the house, it's like I'm going to disappear and I'm just going to be like, what are you doing?
Marc:I'm just worried to the point where I'll just resent them because I think they're taking up too much of my brain.
Marc:It's my problem.
Guest:So you get too invested in them.
Guest:I just worry.
Guest:About what?
Guest:They'll leave you?
Guest:Everything.
Guest:Or like about them?
Marc:No, just like, you know, be careful when you drive.
Guest:Right.
Guest:What happened at work?
Guest:Or was this always that way?
Marc:It was kind of always that way.
Marc:But then I let that get to anger where I just sort of like, they're not asking me to do anything.
Marc:And I'm living this whole life in my head.
Guest:Right.
Marc:You know.
Guest:You're so concerned with them.
Marc:Or I'm paranoid or whatever.
Marc:It could go either way.
Marc:But I'm not jealous anymore.
Marc:I don't do that shit anymore.
Guest:Well, how do you fight that?
Guest:How'd you get over that?
Guest:Because that plagues everyone.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:I think I'm a little numb.
Guest:Or you might trust more now.
Marc:Yeah, I don't know.
Guest:Because doesn't fear of getting jealous is just not trusting the person?
Guest:Because if you trust the person not to fuck anyone, then you have nothing to worry about.
Marc:I guess, but you know, people fuck.
Marc:Yeah, they do.
Marc:And it depends on like the situation.
Marc:I'm just not in this situation.
Marc:I'm sure it could all come back.
Guest:You just don't care either way?
Guest:No, I do.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, I'd like to know.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Yes.
Marc:I've been left for people.
Marc:I've been fucked around on.
Marc:And I don't even realize it until years later sometimes where I'm like, oh my God, that was going on for like months before they left me.
Guest:Oh my God.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's so, most people do that.
Marc:Of course they do.
Marc:They get set up and then they leave.
Guest:Most people need, my therapist used to say, some people just need a lily pad before they decide to jump.
Guest:Some people, most people.
Guest:They need to test it out.
Guest:I know most people.
Marc:I've just been straight, you know, and I know that emotionally it's deepening and I don't know what the fuck I want.
Marc:But I don't have kids.
Marc:I don't have debt.
Guest:What about emotional intimacy?
Marc:That's what I'm saying is that that's the harder thing for me because it's like, and I can't quite figure that out, but I'm working on it.
Marc:That's why I'm saying like a lot of times like if we'll sweep in separate rooms or she won't sweep over at all because I can't deal with it.
Guest:Because it's either all or nothing.
Marc:Yeah, the responsibility of it or something.
Marc:I don't know.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And I don't know if I'm ready, but I was definitely ready to fuck when we started.
Guest:Yes.
Yeah.
Guest:Well, at least I like what you're saying.
Guest:I'm straight about it.
Guest:I'm at least telling her that these are my hang-ups and that I'm struggling with them and don't expect anything.
Marc:I'm old and these are the things I need to happen when we have sex if it's going to be good.
Guest:Do you really say that?
Guest:Can you really give like, this is what I need?
Guest:That's great.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:That makes everything so much easier.
Guest:I think if we all need to be doing that more because so much of sex is just like, is this what they want?
Guest:Is this good?
Guest:Oh my God, they're placating me.
Guest:Oh God.
Marc:But there's this weird thing about being a dude too, where it's sort of like, there's this pressure and it's sort of like, you know, if things aren't working, you know, why are you blaming me?
Guest:Yes, yes, yes.
Marc:You know, like, can't we work a little harder at getting this where we need to get it?
Guest:You just need to bring in toys.
Guest:Men need to just, I mean, do you incorporate those?
Guest:Are you intimidated by those?
Guest:Are you jealous of those?
Guest:For me or her?
Guest:Her.
Marc:Oh, no, I'm not doing it currently, but no, that wasn't a problem.
Guest:You never had a problem with that.
Marc:But I do, like, sometimes you have to, depending on who the person is, like, I've had to wean people off of toys.
Guest:Oh.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Marc:Because if someone's a compulsive toy person, you can't make them come.
Marc:I know.
Marc:So you start like, okay, I'll do the toy for you.
Guest:You're right, you're right.
Marc:And then sort of like, let's try it without the toy.
Guest:I've been single a really long time.
Guest:I need to wean myself off porn and porn.
Marc:Just jerking off in general because you can desensitize yourself.
Guest:Oh yeah.
Marc:Because you have, it's like a control thing.
Marc:You have complete control of the whole process of getting to your orgasm.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:So like if you're in, and that's the fucked up thing is that.
Guest:And I hate it.
Guest:I don't want control.
Marc:Oh, so that's your thing.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:But that's, but that's a relief thing.
Marc:That's a compulsive thing.
Marc:That's like, I want to come to feel, you know, I just need like eating or whatever.
Guest:But I don't let myself.
Guest:Oh, I don't like that's another.
Guest:I'm anorexic when it comes to orgasms.
Marc:Oh, so you'll watch porn for hours and not come?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And just because I'm saving it for like, I want to wait to eat and like the same thing for food.
Guest:I want to wait to eat until.
Guest:No, I don't do that.
Guest:I did today.
Guest:And it like was orgasmic to pee in your bathroom upstairs.
Guest:It was so good.
Guest:Oh,
Guest:It lasted so long.
Guest:But no, I do that with orgasms.
Guest:I don't know what it is.
Guest:I just I do it with Christmas.
Guest:Even on Christmas, I don't like to open my presents until the very last second because I'm just I think the enjoyment is in the anticipation.
Guest:For me, it's not actually the orgasm itself.
Guest:Because as soon as I'm coming, I'm like, oh, I can't believe it's going to be a while before I get to do this again.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:I don't.
Guest:Or I want to just make sure it's like the best it can be.
Marc:And then I just lose it.
Marc:Yeah, that's good.
Marc:Yeah, but I don't like the sort of, what do you call it, denying myself.
Marc:But I think the point I was trying to make is that when you jerk off compulsively, you're your primary sexual partner.
Guest:Right.
Guest:I know exactly what I like.
Marc:Right.
Marc:And so when someone else has entered into the equation, you've got to get them up to speed on that, but also meet halfway.
Marc:But the weird thing is, is sometimes when you do start fucking somebody and you're used to jerking off all the time, even when you come, it's sort of like, I could have done that better on my own.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yes, it is.
Guest:It sucks.
Guest:And I think men oftentimes, if you tell them something that you want, it takes the hotness out of it because there's the dynamic there, especially that I like in bed that they're calling the shots.
Guest:I'm just a dumb mute hole.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You know, like I like to kind of be like defense.
Guest:I like to be so the opposite of the way I am on it.
Guest:Like I like to just be holes and just be.
Marc:That's interesting because it's people like, you know, that have that.
Guest:that you know that control thing yes that you know sexually it's like why wouldn't you be submissive yeah to just anyone who's super in charge and most of their life likes to be out of control in the bedroom yeah i find that to be but that's hard to do to ask for what you want by but also be a submissive right because then you i get it it takes away from the yeah
Marc:Well, I mean, just, well, eventually you don't have to ask.
Guest:You just lay out toys that you want to be used on you and you send messages of like, hey, this porn got me off.
Guest:Check this out.
Guest:Lay out an eye mask, you know, clamps of sorts.
Guest:And never really, yeah.
Guest:And then a safe word, things like that.
Guest:But it is, I do struggle with the idea of like,
Guest:Um, I really love like the, I just like anticipation.
Guest:I really love crushes.
Guest:And that is something I, my boyfriend I'm with now, we've broken up so many times because I love, are we going to get back together?
Guest:I have to earn him again.
Guest:Like, does he like me?
Guest:And then when you finally do, you're like, oh, and I, I'm really scared of that.
Guest:Never.
Guest:That is, that is what I don't understand how married people can, can have that and just never, never have a crush again.
Guest:And my, my married friends go, I have crushes.
Guest:Don't, don't you think I don't have a crush?
Guest:I'm like,
Guest:It's not the same if you know it can't happen.
Marc:Well, I think that especially now with the apocalypse and everything, I think people are taking it pretty close to the edge.
Guest:Yes, you're so right.
Marc:I've gotten proposition by people who want to use their hall pass, and I'm like, that's not a real thing.
Guest:Yeah, I know.
Marc:It's not a real thing.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:And I'm flattered that- And I have to consent.
Guest:I know you, I'm your hall pass, but I have to-
Marc:Well, that's that.
Marc:But like, you know, as a dude, like if someone's coming at me, it's like my, you know, my husband already said, I'm like, but did he really say like, I don't want to be on the wrong end of a fucking gun because, you know, you, you know, people say things just as a couple thing.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You know, and also it doesn't, it's not.
Guest:And she had a fight with him earlier that day and she's like, I'm going to fucking do it.
Marc:Or any, or any of that sort of like, it's an open relationship.
Guest:Is it though?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Like, I don't want to die for pussy.
Marc:I don't want, you know, because.
Guest:Would it be weird if he was like, yeah, it's cool.
Guest:If he was like right there, would that make, would that take it out?
Guest:Like, what's going to.
Marc:No, the whole thing's bad.
Marc:It's all bad.
Marc:You know, like, sure.
Marc:I mean.
Guest:I think that what I think.
Marc:I've been fucked around on and I have fucked around on dudes.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:I have fucked around as well.
Guest:And it is not.
Marc:You got to carry that shit, man.
Guest:Yeah.
Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, I know.
Guest:It's hard to feel bad sometimes when you are in the middle of it because you go, it would have just been someone else.
Guest:I never do it unless I give confirmation that it's something they just do.
Marc:Yeah, but the thing is, depending on how much you're doing, living the double life thing, the only one who loses is you because you're obviously not doing what you want to do and you're living a lie.
Guest:Oh, right.
Guest:Well, I've never stepped out, but I've been the one that's been the other woman, is what I'm saying.
Guest:Yeah, you've done that as well.
Guest:But you've been on both sides of things.
Guest:Oh, my God, I can't imagine, like...
Guest:I've been on the other side of things, so I've been with someone who has been cheating.
Guest:And you know what boggles my mind is that these men, and this is way in my past.
Guest:It's been a long time since I've done anything like this.
Guest:I mean, there was one recently, but that was a whole different thing.
Guest:But back in the day, I used to really actually pursue men that had girlfriends.
Guest:It was a turn on to me because I had low self-esteem.
Guest:I could never be with them.
Guest:I'd never trust these people.
Guest:I could never have them.
Guest:But I am boggled by how many of these guys married the women that they cheated on.
Guest:Because I thought...
Marc:Mary cheated with, you mean?
Guest:Cheated, no, cheated with me on.
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guest:You know where I go, I know you stayed with her and you're going to be her, but you can't, unless you guys worked on that, but no, it's just a secret.
Guest:You're going to keep to the grave?
Guest:I don't want to have any secrets with the person I marry.
Marc:Yeah, well, that's good luck.
Guest:And I know so many people that, I know.
Guest:I mean, you...
Guest:You can't tell it all, but I try.
Marc:Is that necessary though?
Guest:No, I mean to some degree.
Marc:But I mean, shouldn't it be just sort of like from when you start?
Guest:Yes.
Guest:Wait, from when you start.
Marc:The relationship, like I'm going to be honest with you.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:You really need to sort of like, let's take out the journals.
Guest:No, no, no, no, no.
Guest:I don't think, no, that's just cruel.
Guest:That's, you don't, yes.
Guest:There is something to me also about a committed relationship where sometimes I go, just me, the rest of your life?
Guest:That's cool with you?
Guest:There's a part of me that feels like a man loses a part of himself in shutting down any attraction or any desire for other women.
Guest:I know that desire is there.
Guest:I know you can jerk off to other girls and look at them and ogle, but I want that.
Guest:I want, as much as I...
Marc:don't ever want to be left for another woman I do want I think it's a bad sign if my man is not attracted to other women sure aside from me yeah but it's just a matter of how much you talk about but who the hell knows like it's weird now because like I'm older and I don't know what the fuck I want and I'm so hung up on you know the world ending and doing my comedy and just sort of like panicking about shit it's just like I've gotten pretty in the present about it and like I just don't see any future at all I know let alone for me
Marc:You know, sort of like, what are your plans?
Marc:I don't fucking know.
Marc:I don't think we're going to be able to live in California in a year because there's not going to be any water.
Marc:But do you want to get married?
Marc:What?
Guest:It's happening so fast.
Guest:Yeah, like me writing a book, I just picture them
Guest:Just in a wave that's been being like just all of them floating away because they're not going to be around that long.
Guest:Everything's going to be underwater.
Marc:So, OK, so let's talk about some shit then.
Marc:Like about like like what?
Marc:So the special is out now.
Guest:It's good.
Guest:Yeah, it's going to.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:When?
Guest:When is this coming out?
Marc:We're going to do it for you.
Guest:Oh, okay.
Guest:Well, the special is out as of July 16th on HBO Max.
Guest:I'm also the host of FBoy Island on HBO Max.
Marc:I watched a trailer of that, too.
Marc:I really didn't feel like I needed to watch all of that.
Guest:All the trailers.
Marc:But I did want to see your comedy special.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:The trailer of F-Boy Island.
Marc:I was like, I think I've seen enough of this.
Guest:You get it.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's 13 F-Boys, 13 nice guys, three girls trying to figure out who's who.
Guest:And it is so funny and fun.
Guest:And I get to be comedic as the host.
Guest:It's like a reality dating show.
Guest:Well, you're very funny.
Guest:But I get to be funny on.
Marc:You're funny.
Guest:And then, yeah, my special is out and it's just like me talking about relationships and the end of the world.
Guest:You like working with HBO?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I honestly think they were negligent in letting me get away with some of the things that I said on FBoy Island where I would go, no notes?
Guest:You're not going to give me one note?
Marc:I'm so happy to do an HBO special.
Guest:You're doing one?
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Yes.
Marc:But that's what I wanted when I was a kid, an HBO special.
Guest:Oh, that's awesome.
Marc:And this before Netflix and everything else.
Guest:Oh, it's going to be so cool.
Marc:But it seems pure, man.
Guest:It is.
Marc:I was so fucking thrilled about the opportunity.
Marc:Fuck Netflix.
Marc:Fuck them.
Marc:I've done a few with them, you know, but it's like, there's no...
Marc:It's like, okay, they'll just throw it out there.
Marc:At least at HBO, they're going to curate it.
Marc:They're going to fucking get behind it.
Guest:Yes.
Guest:They're such fans of mine, and they're so excited about it, and I'm really proud of what they let me do.
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:It's called Good, Clean Filth, and I shot it in Denver.
Guest:Just down the road from Columbine.
Marc:Where you might be living.
Guest:Yeah, where I might move any day now.
Guest:I just want to wake up and see the mountains.
Guest:Just thinking about how we're not going to be around that much longer, I feel the same way as you feel.
Guest:I'm like, why am I wasting any of my life not being in this crisp air and getting to see these majestic mountains every day?
Marc:It's a little high and dry, isn't it?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:No, I don't mind.
Marc:Oh, sometimes the altitude fucks with me.
Marc:And I've never seen drunker people in Denver because of that fucking altitude.
Guest:I don't drink anymore.
Marc:No, it's just sort of like, but when you do a show there and you go out downtown, like if you're at the comedy works and it's just sort of like, what's happening between the legal weed and the booze and the altitude?
Marc:It's fucking disaster.
Marc:It's like fucking Glasgow.
Marc:Fucking nuts.
Guest:Do you smoke weed?
Marc:No, I don't do nothing.
Guest:Okay.
Marc:But all right.
Marc:So I think we covered everything.
Guest:All right.
Guest:I feel like we did.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Columbine, fucking.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Sex.
Guest:Fear of intimacy.
Guest:Wait, but fear of like sharing your deepest fears and like looking into each other's eyes.
Guest:I just want to like, I'm not trying to pry.
Guest:I'm just trying to understand.
Marc:No, I'm just, it's just, I got to get there.
Marc:You know, like even with Lynn, it was, it wasn't quite there yet.
Marc:And we were just sort of getting started.
Guest:Have you been to couples therapy before?
Guest:I'm sure you have.
Guest:Yes, yes.
Marc:Usually it's a fucking Hail Mary.
Guest:Yeah, it's already.
Marc:It's over.
Guest:I went to couples therapy with my boyfriend before we became official.
Guest:I said, I'm not doing this.
Marc:I used to say that.
Marc:It's like you're on your second date.
Marc:It should be couples therapy.
Guest:Yeah, it should.
Guest:I used to do a joke about that.
Marc:It's great.
Marc:Did you do that joke?
Guest:No, I won't.
Guest:I won't even think about it now.
Guest:It's done.
Marc:But I just, there's not so much a thing like, you know, I'm not waiting for the right one or whatever.
Marc:It's just like, you know, sometimes you just, you stay with people for a long, I've stayed with people too long.
Marc:And sometimes I've stayed with people that I didn't feel, that I knew weren't really right.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Just because I don't know how to get out.
Guest:Right.
Marc:You know, like I've been in relationships that should have been over.
Guest:There were still good times to be had.
Marc:In six months.
Marc:They should have been over in six months.
Marc:And I was in it for four or five years.
Guest:Why don't you know how to get out?
Guest:Because you're scared.
Guest:You won't find someone better.
Guest:You're scared.
Marc:I don't want to hurt myself.
Marc:I don't want the confrontation.
Marc:I don't want to feel the heartbreak.
Marc:I don't want to hurt somebody.
Marc:You know, I don't want to deal with the whole fucking like, you know, and usually in my past, it's got to blow up.
Guest:Right, right.
Marc:You know, someone's got to blow up.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I do that sometimes to my boyfriend and just, like, try to get him to either hang up on me or break up with me.
Marc:You sound very exciting.
Marc:That guy's a real hero.
Guest:He's great.
Guest:Like, we've been dating off and on for nine years.
Guest:We took a five-year break, and we just became official again because it's just getting embarrassing how many times we've broken up and gone back together, and our families just, like, just have no faith in us.
Guest:And now we're actually...
Guest:Like, OK, I think we're going to do this.
Guest:And he's I think what what the thing is, I'm scared of, of like no new crushes ever.
Guest:No, that'll die.
Guest:There's a thing that I can give that up.
Guest:I gave up a lot of things.
Guest:Drinking, I miss a lot.
Guest:And that was so fun.
Guest:But I go, I had my fun.
Marc:I know.
Marc:But crushes are different.
Marc:Crushes, it's like any other sort of obsession, like a meal or whatever.
Marc:It'll fade.
Guest:Of course.
Guest:You know what I mean?
Guest:It's fleeting.
Guest:It is a hit.
Marc:It's not exactly fleeting.
Marc:It can last a while.
Guest:But it will go away.
Guest:But I look at Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian, and I'm like that obsessive love called limerence is what it's called, where you're just all over each other.
Guest:It's so good, and it's like, God, I'm never going to feel that way again.
Marc:Why do I look at those two, and I feel like someone's in trouble?
Guest:Oh, see, I look at that and I go, God damn it, I want that.
Guest:That is like that first hit.
Marc:For me, I just sort of like, I don't know if this is good for Pete.
Guest:No, of course not.
Guest:Any two people that obsess with each other, it can't sustain it even though you think it's going to.
Guest:I don't believe it.
Guest:I don't believe it.
Marc:Why are we seeing so much?
Marc:Why are we seeing so much?
Guest:What do you mean?
Marc:It's just like, you know, why is the press on it?
Marc:It's just a little disturbing to me.
Guest:It's not casual.
Guest:Because we're talking about it right now and it's going to help their bottom line.
Guest:But that's what I mean.
Marc:So what do we really know?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:You're romanticizing.
Guest:I am romantic, but I think I can tell they're pretty fucking happy and that she's getting banged out real good and she's in it and feeling young again and free.
Guest:It's a good feeling, but I do feel... Well, I'm glad everyone's happy.
Guest:I've just never felt in my life enough that deep love that everyone talks about.
Guest:It's like, oh, I can sacrifice any of these new dalliances because there's this deep, committed love, and I think I'm just starting to actually understand what that can be and...
Guest:That's the thing my therapist keeps saying is like, you have to take a leap of faith and just really commit because I'm scared to commit further because then I'm going to hurt him or I'm going to hurt me.
Guest:Why get deeper into it?
Guest:Like you're saying, like sleep in another room.
Guest:Don't stay over because it's either all or nothing.
Guest:When really they have a, you can't prevent someone from getting hurt.
Guest:It's up to them.
Marc:That's right.
Marc:And people get hurt and I've been hurt and I've hurt people and I've lost people and everything else.
Guest:And I'll just enjoy music more those few months that I get hurt.
Guest:You know, like I've gotten through it before.
Marc:It's exhausting, dude.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Reminds you're alive.
Guest:You can't avoid it.
Marc:Yeah, no, absolutely.
Marc:And I know that.
Marc:And I know that now.
Marc:And I've lived a long and weird life.
Marc:And I've been married twice.
Marc:And I've been with a lot of people.
Marc:And it's like, whatever you're talking about, this weird, committed, sort of relaxed love thing.
Marc:I don't know, man.
Marc:If we haven't fully got a handle on that shit that's inside of us, I don't know how it...
Guest:Right.
Guest:Well, that's why I'm starting to feel it is because the voice that's telling me to starve myself is dissipated.
Guest:And then there's a voice that's like, just be good to yourself.
Guest:It's like getting louder.
Guest:And then that's letting people in that are just good to me.
Marc:All right, good.
Guest:So it is true.
Marc:Keep that door open.
Marc:See what you can do.
Marc:Get back to me.
Marc:I'll talk to you in six months.
Guest:Gotta go eat a protein bar.
Marc:Thanks for doing it.
Guest:Thank you, Mark.
Marc:Nikki Glaser.
Marc:Nikki Glaser, Good Queen Filth, is streaming on HBO Max.
Marc:And, oh, could you just hang out for a second?
Marc:Can you hang out for one second?
Marc:Thanks.
Marc:Listen, for people who have a full Marin subscription on WTF Plus, we just posted some producer cuts.
Marc:This is something we're going to do regularly.
Marc:When there's stuff that gets cut out of recent episodes, Brendan will explain why it got cut out in the first place, and you'll get to hear the whole clip.
Marc:There's stuff from the Michael Mann and Orny Adams episodes up now, so go check out the producer cuts on the full Marin feed if you're subscribed.
Marc:If you're not subscribed, join up now and you'll get all the bonus stuff we've been posting, plus every episode of WTF ever.
Marc:Just click on the link in the episode description or go to WTFPod.com and click on WTF Plus.
Marc:Okay, so I'll be at Just for Laughs in Montreal for my gala on Saturday, July 30th.
Marc:I'll also be doing two solo shows at Sal-Claude Leveille.
Marc:And tickets are going to be available today at noon Eastern.
Marc:That's July 28th, Thursday at 7 o'clock.
Marc:And Friday, July 29th at 8.30.
Marc:This place only seats a couple hundred, so not even.
Marc:This place seats like 125 or something.
Marc:Just get the tickets at ha ha ha dot com or WTF pod dot com slash tour for my shows at Saul Claude Leveille.
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:In August, I'll be in Columbus, Ohio at the Southern Theater on August 4th.
Marc:Indianapolis, Indiana.
Marc:I'm at the Old National Center on August 5th.
Marc:Louisville, Kentucky at the Bombard Theater August 6th.
Marc:And I hope I don't bomb hard.
Marc:Ooh, man, I'm on fire.
Marc:Then I'm back at Dynasty Typewriter in LA on August 14th.
Marc:Lincoln, Nebraska at the Rococo Theater on August 18th.
Marc:Des Moines, Iowa at the Hoyt Sherman Place on August 19th.
Marc:And Iowa City, Iowa at the Inglert Theater on August 20th.
Marc:Then in September, I'm in Tucson, Arizona, Phoenix, Arizona, Boulder, Colorado, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
Marc:In October, I'm in London, England and Dublin, Ireland.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Yes.
Marc:Go to WTF pod slash tour for all the dates and ticket info.
Marc:And the shows have been good on some of those Midwest dates on in the Nebraska and Iowa dates.
Marc:I'm taking Lara Bites with me.
Marc:She's going to be my ambassador to the Midwest being from the Midwest.
Marc:And the shows have been good.
Marc:Shit is tightening up.
Marc:There's four or five kind of like real big bits in there.
Marc:And the rest of the stuff is kind of working around those things.
Marc:It's really starting to take shape.
Marc:So I've only been doing it now for over a year.
Marc:You would think it would take shape, right?
Marc:Huh?
Marc:You would think it would take shape.
Marc:And now I will do some raga.
Marc:I'm going to do some sort of Indian blues riff for you now with my Banker custom Leslie guitar through the old amps.
Marc:Just tubes, man.
Marc:Just the natural breakup of the tubes.
.
.
you
Bye.
guitar solo
Marc:Boomer lives.
Marc:Monkey and La Fonda.
Marc:Cat angels everywhere.