Episode 1338 - Lara Beitz

Episode 1338 • Released June 9, 2022 • Speakers detected

00:00:00Marc:all right let's do this how are you what the fuckers what the fuck buddies what the fuck nicks what's happening how's it going is everybody okay i'm mark maron this is my podcast wtf let me tell you today on the show a name that for some reason is confounding to me i work with this woman all the time

00:00:29Marc:I work with her all the time, and I'm always amazed if I can get her name correct.

00:00:36Marc:Lara Bites.

00:00:38Marc:Lara Bites.

00:00:41Marc:The tricky thing is it's not Laura.

00:00:44Marc:It's Laura Bites.

00:00:46Marc:It's L-A-R-A-B-E-I-T-Z.

00:00:50Marc:Laura Bites.

00:00:53Marc:She's a comedian.

00:00:54Marc:I bring her on stage and I'm just thrilled when I get the name right.

00:00:59Marc:You wouldn't think it'd be difficult, but it is for some reason.

00:01:01Marc:She's very funny.

00:01:03Marc:I was happy to get to know her by having her on this show.

00:01:07Marc:She's been on Comedy Central.

00:01:08Marc:She co-hosts the podcast Slobs, which you can get wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:16Marc:And I had a nice chat with her.

00:01:18Marc:I really did.

00:01:19Marc:I was excited.

00:01:21Marc:I'm excited to talk to these young comedians.

00:01:25Marc:I started watching that George Carlin documentary that Judd did.

00:01:28Marc:Finally, I watched it and it was very interesting that, you know, you get these documentaries that he's making a documentary.

00:01:35Marc:They're making a documentary about a guy who got it right and no one fucking listened.

00:01:41Marc:And that's the message.

00:01:43Marc:This guy eventually landed in a zone where he was just telling sort of fiery truth that was sometimes funny, it sometimes wasn't.

00:01:53Marc:He was correct about a lot of things and a lot of them came to pass and he was pointing them out.

00:01:59Marc:In a way that implied maybe we should be aware of this and fix it.

00:02:04Marc:Nothing happened.

00:02:06Marc:A few things did, but mostly not.

00:02:08Marc:So this is a beautiful documentary about a guy that we didn't listen to correctly.

00:02:13Marc:There is nobody, zero people that carry the Carlin mantle in the way that he did it.

00:02:21Marc:Nobody, because people have too much ego invested, too much trivialization.

00:02:27Marc:There was nobody that is doing it with the weight of later Carlin.

00:02:32Marc:And I didn't even like later Carlin that much.

00:02:35Marc:But I look at it in a different way and it was inspiring to me.

00:02:38Marc:But this idea that somehow comedians are thought leaders is bullshit.

00:02:43Marc:None of them could fucking hold a candle to the type of things that George Carlin was saying towards the end of his career in the last few specials.

00:02:54Marc:He framed it like George Carlin and you could get laughs, but he was just sort of like, this is what's up and we're in trouble.

00:03:04Marc:I don't know who's doing that.

00:03:07Marc:And I'm glad I watched it.

00:03:08Marc:I'm not even finished watching it.

00:03:10Marc:But it did inspire me to start fucking doing a little goddamn homework on the set that I've been kicking around for the last year.

00:03:18Marc:The two hours that I'm working with.

00:03:21Marc:Try to focus, dude.

00:03:24Marc:What are you trying to say?

00:03:25Marc:Despite that it might not get a laugh.

00:03:28Marc:Despite that people might disagree.

00:03:30Marc:Despite the fact that people don't really fucking think.

00:03:38Marc:They think they think because they read things that seem to be by people who think, but most people don't fucking think.

00:03:47Marc:They're just scrambling to get through their fucking lives and not be terrified.

00:03:57Marc:But terrifying times, man.

00:04:01Marc:I'll be in Durham, North Carolina on June 17th at the Carolina Theater.

00:04:05Marc:Charlotte on June 18th at the Knight Theater.

00:04:08Marc:Charleston, South Carolina on June 19th at the Charleston Music Hall.

00:04:12Marc:Las Vegas on July 15th and 16th at Wise Guys.

00:04:16Marc:There are also August and September dates in Indianapolis, Louisville, Lincoln, Nebraska, Des Moines and Iowa City, Iowa, Tucson, Arizona.

00:04:25Marc:Phoenix, Arizona and Boulder, Colorado.

00:04:27Marc:Go to WTF pod dot com slash tour for all dates and ticket info.

00:04:33Marc:And also the beautiful thing about Carlin is that he didn't seem to have many friends because he wanted to think he didn't see himself as a leader.

00:04:41Marc:He wasn't a tribal warlord.

00:04:45Marc:He didn't need that kind of support.

00:04:51Marc:What the fuck is happening?

00:04:53Marc:All right, look, I know what's happening.

00:04:58Marc:Lara Bites is here.

00:05:01Marc:Her podcast Slobs, which she hosts with Jessica Michelle and Steph Tolev, is available on all podcast platforms.

00:05:10Marc:She'll be at the Milwaukee Improv for six shows starting June 23rd through June 26th.

00:05:17Marc:This is me talking to Lara Bites.

00:05:35Guest:so what you're you're overwhelmed all the time too oh yeah yeah absolutely like today what was the big what was the big obstacles oh i drove here that's it yeah that's enough that's of course that's enough yeah i live in culver city are you kidding me it was so much more than i could handle and then it kept going on for way longer than i could handle it really yeah oh yeah are you are you uh new to driving no

00:06:01Guest:No.

00:06:03Guest:Nope.

00:06:03Guest:Just scared all the time.

00:06:04Guest:Of just driving?

00:06:06Guest:Of driving the most.

00:06:08Guest:The most?

00:06:09Guest:Yeah.

00:06:10Guest:Oh, boy.

00:06:11Guest:Yeah.

00:06:12Guest:I started taking an anti-anxiety medication.

00:06:16Marc:Which one?

00:06:17Guest:Boost Bar.

00:06:18Marc:How's that one?

00:06:19Guest:It's great.

00:06:20Guest:Really?

00:06:21Guest:I've gotten so many people on it.

00:06:22Guest:I want them to sponsor.

00:06:23Guest:Vuspar?

00:06:23Guest:Just me.

00:06:24Guest:Yeah.

00:06:26Guest:Vuspar with a B. I think the generic name is Vusparone.

00:06:30Marc:Is it like an Ativan or a Valium?

00:06:33Guest:No, it doesn't feel good like that.

00:06:35Guest:It's nothing.

00:06:37Marc:It's one of those drugs that you don't feel at all other than it does what it's supposed to?

00:06:40Guest:Yeah, exactly.

00:06:41Marc:Oh, fuck those.

00:06:42Guest:Yeah, it's not like a beta blocker.

00:06:43Guest:It's not an SSRI.

00:06:44Marc:I've had the beta blocker before.

00:06:46Marc:How does that work for you?

00:06:48Marc:I don't know.

00:06:48Marc:I was so filled with rage, we thought it might work.

00:06:51Guest:Yeah.

00:06:51Marc:But I tried it once or twice.

00:06:53Marc:I'm not sure if it did work.

00:06:55Marc:I don't know, really.

00:06:56Marc:Yeah.

00:06:56Marc:It was a bad relationship.

00:06:58Marc:And it didn't stop it from being bad.

00:07:01Guest:Yeah.

00:07:02Marc:Yeah.

00:07:03Guest:I had one where it was one of the ones where you're supposed to control your own dose, which I thought was a bad idea from the jump.

00:07:09Marc:The beta blocker?

00:07:10Guest:No.

00:07:11Guest:I think it was like...

00:07:13Guest:Actually, technically an antihistamine, but they give it to people for anxiety, but it just makes you fall asleep.

00:07:19Marc:Like it sucked.

00:07:20Marc:Right.

00:07:20Marc:But your nose is clear.

00:07:22Guest:Yeah.

00:07:23Marc:Your sinuses are good.

00:07:24Guest:Yeah.

00:07:24Guest:I like they were like the maximum you can take in a day is four.

00:07:29Guest:And I took one and it didn't work.

00:07:30Guest:And then I took four immediately.

00:07:32Guest:And I'm like, I'm in recovery, you know?

00:07:34Guest:And so I'm like, I'm going to be so careful with these.

00:07:37Guest:And like the second that I don't feel...

00:07:40Guest:Perfect.

00:07:41Guest:I was like, well, what if I take as many as I'm allowed to?

00:07:43Guest:It still didn't work.

00:07:45Marc:So you're an anxiety person?

00:07:46Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:07:48Marc:I am too, I think.

00:07:48Marc:And I don't know that I ever identified it until fairly recently.

00:07:51Guest:Yeah.

00:07:52Marc:You've always known?

00:07:53Guest:No.

00:07:54Guest:I've just always been terrified at all times.

00:07:57Guest:And then finally someone noticed.

00:07:59Marc:Terrified?

00:08:00Guest:Yeah.

00:08:01Guest:And...

00:08:03Guest:Yeah, this medication just makes it where I'm just scared all the time, which doesn't sound like a big upgrade, but it's a tremendous improvement in my quality of life.

00:08:13Marc:A little room between scared and terrified where you can maybe catch a breath.

00:08:18Guest:Yeah.

00:08:18Marc:Yeah, I'm not taking anything.

00:08:22Marc:And I think that my coffee intake sadly exacerbates the situation.

00:08:28Guest:Yeah, no shit it does.

00:08:30Guest:You're not on anything except coffee?

00:08:32Guest:Are you out of your fucking mind?

00:08:33Guest:No wonder you're scared all the time.

00:08:35Guest:I'm not scared.

00:08:36Marc:I'm just like, what are we going to... Oh, yeah.

00:08:39Marc:But I'm not...

00:08:41Marc:It's not fear that I'm experiencing.

00:08:43Marc:It's some sort of aggressive FOMO.

00:08:47Marc:Everything is happening to me, and I'm missing everything.

00:08:58Marc:Just little things.

00:09:00Marc:Today was rough with the anxiety because of a watering problem.

00:09:05Marc:I'm trying to...

00:09:06Marc:Yeah, I'm trying to be good and only water appropriately related to the drought.

00:09:13Marc:Yeah.

00:09:13Marc:But there's something wrong with my sprinkler timers and they're like going on and on and on.

00:09:17Marc:And I'm think I'm embarrassed because the neighbors see all this water.

00:09:21Marc:I'm just like, I'm going to be like the water waster.

00:09:24Marc:They're going to judge me.

00:09:25Marc:And I couldn't turn them off.

00:09:26Marc:And then I spent like an hour trying to figure out what's wrong with the timers because some things are getting water, some things aren't.

00:09:32Marc:And then I decided that some things are almost dead.

00:09:35Marc:And I'm out there.

00:09:36Marc:I'm like, some things aren't getting water at all.

00:09:39Marc:And it was just insane.

00:09:41Marc:And I texted...

00:09:44Marc:My gardener who speaks no English like 90 times, like a man who's obsessed, just like, you know, and I got to that text at the end where it's sort of like, maybe I have to call somebody else because he hadn't responded to my text.

00:09:56Marc:Yeah.

00:09:56Marc:And then finally he did.

00:09:57Marc:And so he said he's going to send a guy.

00:09:59Marc:I'm like, does that guy know how to do the timer?

00:10:02Yeah.

00:10:02Marc:So that was today.

00:10:04Marc:And then the grill was not acting right.

00:10:07Marc:And then, you know, tragedy happens in the world.

00:10:10Marc:Horrendous tragedy.

00:10:11Marc:And I'm just consumed with sprinkler and grill problems.

00:10:15Marc:And a gunman killed a bunch of people.

00:10:17Guest:Yeah.

00:10:18Marc:And then that doesn't make me anxious.

00:10:20Marc:That just makes me... It does, though.

00:10:24Marc:It makes me empathetic, but also makes me sort of like, it's time to go.

00:10:27It might be time to go.

00:10:28Marc:There's that anxiety.

00:10:30Marc:Let's get out.

00:10:30Guest:Well, I kind of hear shame.

00:10:33Marc:Yeah.

00:10:34Guest:Like over, I don't know, you having these feelings about the sprinkler, which I totally understand.

00:10:39Guest:I'm laughing because I relate.

00:10:40Guest:I would be freaking out, too, if my sprinkler were overwatering my lawn.

00:10:44Guest:in a drought where i shouldn't be watering anything but then yeah i don't know if it's ever a helpful layer to be like i don't know i think that i think that it's important to like be grateful for what we have but then i do think that there's this point where it for people like us i know

00:11:01Guest:is just this almost like it's this oh and then this feels like a good warm bath to slip into the hate the self-hatred on top of like the small mistake that i'm making and trying to correct is the real problems that people have and i'm a piece of shit for still feeling the gauntlet of human emotion right when my problems are smaller i should be happy all the time but that's what about how are you with the body shame

00:11:23Guest:uh i've hated every moment i've ever spent in my body i've hated my body since i was born yeah i can't take it i'm just no i don't know i'm i like no that's not true i was gonna say i'm i think i'm better with it but i'm not oh it's so exhausting it's so annoying that the solution isn't on the outside because i like lost this weight and i was like oh i'll feel i'll feel that way now i feel

00:11:49Marc:Dare I say like the same almost like just about I don't have like I don't for most people who would just be here's my new thing with that because I had an anorexic mother so I grew up never I have total body dysmorphia and discomfort.

00:12:04Guest:Yeah.

00:12:05Marc:But lately, my new treatment for it is to be like, no one's looking at your quote unquote fat.

00:12:12Marc:No one's looking at you saying like, that guy's got a weight problem.

00:12:15Marc:No one's even thinking about how you feel in your pants.

00:12:18Guest:Yeah.

00:12:19Guest:Of course they are though.

00:12:20Guest:They are.

00:12:20Guest:They're thinking about me.

00:12:21Guest:Maybe they're not thinking about the way you feel in your pants.

00:12:24Guest:They're thinking about the way I look.

00:12:25Guest:They are?

00:12:26Guest:Yeah.

00:12:26Guest:I mean, I just had like a late night appearance and I didn't read the YouTube comments because of what happened the last time I read the YouTube comments.

00:12:34Marc:Which late night?

00:12:34Guest:Um, Corden.

00:12:35Marc:Oh, how was that?

00:12:36Guest:The Late Late Show.

00:12:37Marc:I can't do that one anymore.

00:12:38Guest:It was so much fun.

00:12:39Guest:Why not?

00:12:39Marc:It was.

00:12:39Marc:I don't know how to have fun.

00:12:40Marc:And it's all about fun.

00:12:41Marc:It wasn't that much fun.

00:12:44Guest:I was so scared.

00:12:45Marc:I'd rather just.

00:12:47Guest:It was fun for five minutes.

00:12:48Marc:I just like going out one-on-one with a guy that knows how to do it or standing up and talking by myself.

00:12:53Marc:Yeah.

00:12:53Marc:You know, there's another guest and he's like half talking to two people and there's a lot of activity and things.

00:12:59Marc:And I'm like, I can't do this.

00:13:00Marc:I don't know if anything's landing.

00:13:02Marc:And why am I sitting with this person?

00:13:04Marc:Yeah.

00:13:04Marc:That's what goes on when I do Corden.

00:13:05Guest:Yeah.

00:13:06Guest:Oh, but that's a different experience.

00:13:07Guest:I just did five minutes of standup.

00:13:09Marc:Oh, that's great.

00:13:10Marc:Yeah.

00:13:11Marc:Oh, no.

00:13:11Marc:I have to sit on the couch with the other person.

00:13:13Guest:Yeah.

00:13:14Guest:I was terrified until like halfway through my set.

00:13:16Guest:And then I was like, oh, this is going so well.

00:13:19Guest:And then I enjoyed the second half of my five minutes set.

00:13:22Guest:And then it was over.

00:13:23Guest:And it's crazy how fast like the studio just like clears out when these things are done.

00:13:28Guest:So there's no like after party.

00:13:30Guest:No one hangs out.

00:13:31Marc:And they do it every day.

00:13:32Marc:And I'm just like, damn, it's over.

00:13:34Marc:Yeah.

00:13:35Marc:And that's what I always think.

00:13:36Marc:It's sort of like, where are we all going now?

00:13:39Marc:Yeah.

00:13:39Marc:And they're like, this is the job.

00:13:41Marc:Yeah.

00:13:42Marc:Even Ian Carmel will send you something nice to you.

00:13:44Marc:But then I'm like, I got to go back to that.

00:13:45Marc:And I'm like, but this is my party.

00:13:47Marc:Yeah.

00:13:48Guest:Yeah.

00:13:48Marc:I know.

00:13:49Marc:I know.

00:13:49Marc:It took me a long time just to realize it's another day at work for these people.

00:13:52Marc:Yeah.

00:13:52Marc:You're not going to get special treatment here.

00:13:54Guest:Because they seem like they're having so much fun.

00:13:57Guest:It looks like such a party.

00:13:58Guest:But then the second the credits roll, it's over.

00:14:01Guest:It's all a lie.

00:14:02Guest:And that's the moment when I'm comfortable.

00:14:04Guest:It's after your set.

00:14:05Guest:They're like, yes.

00:14:06Guest:I did it.

00:14:07Guest:Where's my prize?

00:14:08Guest:Yeah, I have my adrenaline, but it's like the good kind of adrenaline, you know?

00:14:12Marc:Yeah.

00:14:13Marc:So you stayed off the comments, though?

00:14:16Guest:Yeah, I did.

00:14:17Guest:But I was talking to...

00:14:20Guest:my boyfriend about it and i was like i like i already know what they're gonna say and he was like oh yeah i read the comments don't read the comments you do not want to there were negative ones and i was like i don't even want to hear that why are you telling me that i already said i wasn't gonna look at him and he's like no i'm validating your choice because yeah there were some like really mean ones on there so i know it's the same shit it always is they're gonna say i'm fat and i'm ugly and i look like a man but it's because they're like

00:14:44Guest:these sad people who haven't accomplished anything.

00:14:47Marc:And also, for some reason, women just can't get a break on those fucking things.

00:14:50Marc:Yeah, that's all it is.

00:14:51Marc:Years ago, we had a comment board on the website for the show, and we took it down because of that.

00:14:57Marc:Every female guest, it was like, what the fuck is wrong?

00:15:01Marc:It's like a large group's hobby is to just troll around and shit on women all they can.

00:15:10Marc:But you have all these issues.

00:15:13Marc:Which is, wait, see, I don't know.

00:15:15Marc:I'm glad you're here because I was like, I got to interview some of these young guns.

00:15:21Marc:Thanks.

00:15:22Marc:And I was like, who do I know?

00:15:24Marc:So I got, I interviewed Jesus.

00:15:26Marc:Oh, great.

00:15:27Marc:And you, because I mean, I work with you.

00:15:28Marc:I see you.

00:15:29Marc:You're funny.

00:15:29Marc:You've got a thing, but I don't know anything about you or what brings you here.

00:15:33Guest:Yeah.

00:15:34Marc:Where do you come from?

00:15:35Guest:I come from Milwaukee.

00:15:39Guest:That's never gotten such a strong response.

00:15:41Guest:Yeah.

00:15:42Guest:Yeah.

00:15:43Marc:That's great.

00:15:44Marc:I was hoping you weren't going to say Los Angeles, because then I'd be like, oh, fuck.

00:15:48Guest:No, absolutely not.

00:15:49Marc:Milwaukee, I was just there.

00:15:50Guest:Really?

00:15:51Marc:Yeah, the Turner Ballroom.

00:15:52Guest:Oh, great.

00:15:53Marc:I like Milwaukee.

00:15:54Marc:I like that gig.

00:15:55Marc:I like that city, because when I was there last time, I stayed at that St.

00:16:00Marc:Kate Hotel.

00:16:01Marc:Do you know that place?

00:16:02Marc:No.

00:16:02Marc:It's the Art Hotel?

00:16:03Marc:St.

00:16:03Marc:something?

00:16:05Guest:I've never heard of it.

00:16:06Come on.

00:16:07Marc:I know it's there.

00:16:08Guest:It must be a newer one.

00:16:10Marc:When was the last time?

00:16:11Marc:Are you that terrified?

00:16:12Guest:Well, I was there last year a couple times.

00:16:15Marc:St.

00:16:15Marc:Kate Arts Hotel.

00:16:17Guest:Yeah, I've never heard of that.

00:16:18Marc:It's nice.

00:16:19Marc:There's galleries downstairs.

00:16:21Marc:There's a pretty good restaurant.

00:16:22Marc:All the rooms are kind of themed and interesting.

00:16:25Marc:That's cool.

00:16:26Marc:It must be new.

00:16:28Marc:It's been there since before COVID because I went there.

00:16:31Guest:But that's fairly new.

00:16:32Guest:I mean, I moved from there in 2013 and I only just went back.

00:16:37Marc:Are you folks there?

00:16:38Guest:No.

00:16:39Marc:Oh.

00:16:40Marc:So where are they?

00:16:43Guest:My dad is dead, and my mom lives in Manaqua, Wisconsin, which is like four hours north of Milwaukee.

00:16:53Marc:Oh, all right.

00:16:54Marc:But you grew up in Milwaukee without them.

00:16:58Guest:No, I grew up with my parents.

00:17:00Marc:Oh, okay.

00:17:01Guest:Yeah.

00:17:02Guest:Yeah, no, I didn't grow up independently.

00:17:05Guest:Yeah, I had a little apartment.

00:17:07Guest:I was a baby.

00:17:08Guest:No, yeah, I had parents as a child.

00:17:12Marc:And you have brothers and sisters and stuff?

00:17:13Guest:I have one older sister.

00:17:15Marc:What'd she do?

00:17:16Guest:She works at a pharmacy.

00:17:18Marc:in milwaukee uh no in manaqua manaqua yeah what's that town like do you go there more than you go to milwaukee yes okay yeah because my family lives there um it's pretty it's like in the woods but they used to live in milwaukee was it a fun place to grow up

00:17:34Guest:I mean, I didn't like being a kid and it's very cold there.

00:17:41Guest:So I didn't have fun growing up.

00:17:44Guest:I think that there are other people who have had fun growing up there.

00:17:49Marc:You didn't like being a kid?

00:17:50Guest:No, I hated being a kid.

00:17:51Marc:Yeah?

00:17:52Guest:Yeah.

00:17:52Marc:How did that manifest itself?

00:17:54Guest:I just was miserable at home.

00:17:55Guest:I was miserable at school, and then I had to go back home, and then I had to go back to school.

00:17:58Guest:It was just awful.

00:17:59Guest:I hated it.

00:17:59Marc:Was there problems everywhere?

00:18:00Guest:Yeah.

00:18:01Guest:I kept running away, but I was a kid.

00:18:03Guest:From home?

00:18:04Guest:Yeah.

00:18:05Guest:I ran away from home.

00:18:06Guest:I ran away from school.

00:18:07Guest:What was going on?

00:18:08Guest:My dad was an alcoholic, and my mom was an alcoholic's wife.

00:18:14Guest:The wife of an alcoholic?

00:18:15Guest:Yeah, exactly.

00:18:16Guest:Yeah.

00:18:17Marc:So that was, like, what kind?

00:18:19Marc:Explosive alcoholic?

00:18:20Guest:Yeah.

00:18:21Marc:Oh, no.

00:18:22Guest:Oh, yeah, it was brutal.

00:18:23Guest:And then I would, like, go to school and be weird, and, like, kids would make fun of me, and it sucked.

00:18:27Guest:Yeah, it was awful.

00:18:28Marc:It was just, like, just terrified.

00:18:29Marc:Well, that's the anxiety.

00:18:30Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:18:31Marc:Just, like, never know what's gonna fucking happen.

00:18:33Guest:Yeah.

00:18:34Marc:One of those alcoholics?

00:18:35Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:18:36Marc:Oh, no.

00:18:37Marc:Yeah, aren't they all those alcoholics?

00:18:39Marc:No, some of them just go to sleep or get goofy.

00:18:41Guest:Oh, no.

00:18:42Guest:No, it was like, which person is this going to be?

00:18:46Marc:Oh, blackout guy?

00:18:47Guest:Yeah.

00:18:47Marc:Oh, fuck.

00:18:48Guest:Yeah, but I didn't like...

00:18:51Guest:know that like there was so much behind the scenes like my mom told me that there were so many mornings where she like would drag him off of the kitchen floor and like drag him into another room before we would get up for school so that we wouldn't see him oh no not like weekend at bernie's she didn't put sunglasses on him in a hat in the corner dad's quiet today that's no she just would like drag him out of the room and then

00:19:17Guest:I mean, I do remember him like calling in sick for work like a lot.

00:19:23Marc:Yeah.

00:19:23Guest:And just like being in bed.

00:19:24Guest:He was a lawyer.

00:19:26Marc:Oh, really?

00:19:26Marc:So he had a real job and everything.

00:19:29Guest:He did, but we never had enough money because he drank so much.

00:19:35Guest:Like he would go out to like the nicest bar and just like blow it all.

00:19:38Guest:Like our car would like break down in the middle of intersections and stuff.

00:19:42Marc:Oh my God.

00:19:43Marc:So he was an alcoholic your whole life.

00:19:45Guest:He wasn't.

00:19:48Guest:So he died when I was 24.

00:19:50Guest:Of alcoholism?

00:19:52Guest:No, of just death.

00:19:54Guest:I mean, he had a heart attack.

00:19:57Guest:He got sober in jail when I was 12.

00:20:02Marc:He was in jail?

00:20:03Guest:Yeah.

00:20:04Guest:And he stayed sober for 12 years.

00:20:07Guest:So for the first 12 years that I knew my dad, he was drunk.

00:20:10Guest:And for the second 12 years that I knew him, he was sober.

00:20:13Guest:And then he died.

00:20:14Marc:Why'd he go to jail?

00:20:16Guest:Like drunk stuff.

00:20:18Guest:He like drove drunk too many times.

00:20:20Guest:And so I think he did like six or nine months when I was in high school.

00:20:24Marc:And then he didn't hit anybody though.

00:20:26Guest:He got in a car accident with my sister in the car when my sister was a baby.

00:20:30Guest:But I don't know if he got, I think he got arrested that time.

00:20:33Guest:I don't know.

00:20:35Guest:I mean, my mom tried to protect us.

00:20:37Guest:So there was like a lot of stuff that I didn't really know about.

00:20:40Guest:And do you know what's so crazy is recently I mentioned this to my mom and my sister and my sister doesn't even remember that my dad went to jail.

00:20:49Guest:She's older than you.

00:20:51Guest:She's five years older.

00:20:53Guest:And my mom doesn't remember how long it was for.

00:20:56Guest:So it's like even talking to them, it's almost like none of this stuff ever happened.

00:21:02Marc:What do you think that's PTSD?

00:21:04Guest:I mean, I've been diagnosed with PTSD and it explained everything that I didn't have an explanation for in my life.

00:21:11Guest:Yeah.

00:21:12Guest:So I'm sure they have it too.

00:21:14Yeah.

00:21:14Marc:Yeah.

00:21:16Marc:That's horrendous.

00:21:17Guest:Yeah, it's crazy.

00:21:19Marc:So when you're growing up, when you said you'd go to school and you just felt you couldn't feel normal, right?

00:21:25Guest:Yeah.

00:21:26Marc:And all the other kids sensed it?

00:21:28Guest:I mean, I was also really like... I acted out.

00:21:34Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:21:34Guest:I acted out a lot.

00:21:35Guest:I did a lot of attention-seeking and just had really low self-esteem.

00:21:39Guest:So, I mean, you know, tried to make the other kids laugh, really wanted to be liked, but also was like wearing the same clothes to school every day because I wasn't, you know... Yeah, so they're making fun of you on top of everything else.

00:21:53Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:21:53Marc:So ultimately, all you're achieving is just being the weird kid.

00:21:56Guest:Yeah.

00:21:57Guest:Yeah, I was trying so hard.

00:21:59Marc:That's the worst.

00:22:01Marc:No schoolwork though, right?

00:22:03Guest:No.

00:22:05Marc:Yeah.

00:22:06Marc:I can't remember doing any schoolwork ever.

00:22:09Guest:I don't remember this totally, but my mom said that I would write like, this is a stupid assignment on a paper and just like push it to the edge of my desk.

00:22:18Guest:And I ended up skipping a grade, I think because I was so difficult to teach.

00:22:23Guest:And I wasn't trying to be an asshole.

00:22:25Guest:I think part of it was just like...

00:22:27Guest:I wasn't afraid to be hit when I was at school.

00:22:31Guest:I knew the teacher wasn't going to hit me.

00:22:33Guest:And so I'm like, well, what are you going to do?

00:22:35Guest:What are the stakes here?

00:22:37Guest:I'm going to be inside for recess in this safe classroom where I'm getting attention from an adult.

00:22:44Guest:You can't tell me shit.

00:22:47Marc:It doesn't matter what kind of attention.

00:22:49Marc:Negative or positive.

00:22:50Marc:Mostly negative.

00:22:52Marc:And all the other kids are like, what?

00:22:53Guest:Yeah.

00:22:54Guest:Like, well, you can do that.

00:22:55Guest:And it's like, yeah, I evidently can.

00:22:58Marc:Yeah.

00:23:00Marc:Were you getting hit at home?

00:23:01Guest:Yeah.

00:23:03Marc:By the monster?

00:23:04Guest:Yeah.

00:23:06Marc:Jesus Christ.

00:23:07Marc:That's rough.

00:23:09Guest:Yeah.

00:23:10Marc:This goes on, like, how were you in high school?

00:23:13Guest:High school was harder, because you can really fail stuff there.

00:23:19Guest:I started doing drugs and drinking when I was a senior, and that helped a lot.

00:23:28Marc:That was the beginning of it?

00:23:30Guest:Yeah.

00:23:31Marc:Really?

00:23:31Guest:Yeah.

00:23:31Marc:What kind of drugs?

00:23:32Guest:Um, everything that I saw.

00:23:36Guest:So I did like what I was told was ecstasy, but it didn't really do that much.

00:23:41Guest:Yeah.

00:23:42Guest:Um, mushrooms, uh, like opium pot every day, alcohol every day.

00:23:49Marc:Oh, so you're full on fuck up, huh?

00:23:51Guest:Yeah.

00:23:51Marc:Yeah.

00:23:52Marc:That was good.

00:23:52Marc:Me too.

00:23:53Marc:I kinda, I mean, not till I did it a little later.

00:23:57Guest:Yeah.

00:23:57Marc:The daily pot smoking.

00:23:58Guest:Yeah.

00:23:58Marc:It was high school.

00:23:59Marc:I don't know.

00:24:00Marc:The stakes were kind of high and I didn't like not having control of myself.

00:24:03Marc:And I always found my it's always embarrassing.

00:24:04Marc:I drank a lot, but I always drank till vomiting.

00:24:07Guest:Yeah.

00:24:08Guest:Same.

00:24:08Marc:Oh, really?

00:24:09Guest:Yeah.

00:24:09Marc:You're like one of those people.

00:24:10Guest:Yeah.

00:24:10Guest:I just couldn't get enough.

00:24:12Guest:I mean, if I didn't vomit, I would pass out.

00:24:13Marc:But I guess I wonder I try to figure out if it was I couldn't get enough or I think, to be honest with you,

00:24:22Marc:Like, if you lose control of yourself, then you're everyone else's responsibility.

00:24:26Guest:Yeah.

00:24:26Marc:And you kind of, you know, take over the evening.

00:24:29Guest:Yeah.

00:24:31Marc:It's like, what are we going to do with him?

00:24:32Marc:Yeah.

00:24:33Marc:And I think that had something to do with it.

00:24:35Marc:Like, I don't think I liked blacking out or I don't think I was feeling good at that time.

00:24:40Marc:But I think that, I don't know, I didn't like beer, so I drank hard liquor.

00:24:43Marc:And I'd always become, you know, the problem.

00:24:46Guest:Yeah.

00:24:47Marc:Yeah.

00:24:47Marc:But that means it's about you.

00:24:49Guest:Yeah.

00:24:50Marc:What an annoying friend.

00:24:51Yeah.

00:24:51Guest:yeah i just couldn't i couldn't get enough yeah yeah and i would start drinking because i would be i would be nervous yeah and the pot made me even more nervous but it also made me feel up which i loved yeah um and so i i drank because the alcohol made me feel less nervous yeah

00:25:15Guest:But then there was never a point where I just wasn't nervous and was having a good time.

00:25:20Guest:It was like then I was just blacked out, trashed, couldn't.

00:25:24Marc:Trashed.

00:25:25Marc:Yeah.

00:25:26Marc:I don't remember having any good times.

00:25:29Marc:I've realized that if you don't feel comfortable in yourself,

00:25:33Guest:all your memories are embarrassing and traumatic i'm so happy to hear you say that not that i mean i i wish that you had good times all the time i mean maybe i went skiing once or twice and i had some people you know like i remember hanging out with some pretty exciting people now and again but mostly it was just you know awkward and desperate yeah the whole run yeah it was just being nervous because you were you and then being nervous because you were too drunk

00:25:59Marc:But I never knew what the hell to do with myself or who I was or what I was supposed to be.

00:26:03Marc:A lot of outfit changing.

00:26:04Guest:Yeah.

00:26:04Marc:That went on until well into my 30s.

00:26:07Marc:Yeah.

00:26:08Marc:Like trying to land on some sense of self that might work.

00:26:12Guest:Did it go on until comedy?

00:26:15Marc:Yeah.

00:26:16Marc:I went through a lot of outfits during comedy.

00:26:18Guest:Yeah.

00:26:18Marc:Yeah.

00:26:19Marc:But then I don't know.

00:26:20Marc:I kind of leveled off where maybe it was just an honest searching for the right wardrobe.

00:26:27Guest:Yeah.

00:26:28Marc:And haircut and facial hair.

00:26:30Guest:Yeah.

00:26:30Guest:I did a lot of outfit changing until stand up and then stand up became my entire identity.

00:26:37Guest:And that seemed people seem to like that well enough.

00:26:40Guest:So that's where I'm at right now.

00:26:42Marc:Did you go to college?

00:26:44Marc:So you drank all through high school and somehow you managed to get enough grades to go to college?

00:26:49Guest:I drank my last year of high school and somehow I managed to get decent enough grades to go to a college that pretty much just lets anybody in.

00:26:57Marc:Where's that?

00:26:58Guest:It's called Mount Mary University.

00:27:01Guest:It's in Milwaukee.

00:27:02Marc:Oh, yeah?

00:27:02Guest:Yeah.

00:27:03Marc:I think I heard of that.

00:27:04Guest:Yeah.

00:27:04Marc:Is that possible?

00:27:05Guest:Is what possible?

00:27:06Marc:That I heard of it?

00:27:07Guest:No, it's unlikely, but I wasn't going to fight you on it.

00:27:11Guest:I'm not going to say, no, you didn't.

00:27:13Marc:I don't know what you've heard.

00:27:13Marc:Did you continue drinking in college?

00:27:15Guest:Yeah.

00:27:16Marc:How was that?

00:27:17Marc:Great.

00:27:18Guest:It was great.

00:27:18Guest:It was just humiliation.

00:27:21Guest:It was just endless humiliation.

00:27:22Marc:Did you have friends?

00:27:25Guest:No.

00:27:27Marc:So you're drinking alone in college?

00:27:29Guest:Yeah.

00:27:31Guest:I mean, I would like start off with friends, but then I would get banned from like all the like frat parties and stuff because I'm like vomiting everywhere and like laid out and people can't wake me up, can't move me, have to like step over me to go to the bathroom.

00:27:45Guest:I remember that different places.

00:27:47Guest:Like that was what happened.

00:27:49Guest:Yeah, that was like my move.

00:27:51Guest:Just throwing up so much everywhere.

00:27:52Marc:Throwing up in the bathroom and people needed to use the bathroom.

00:27:55Guest:Yeah.

00:27:56Guest:Terrible.

00:27:57Guest:I was unmanageable.

00:27:58Guest:And I do, I totally relate to what you're talking about.

00:28:01Guest:And I remember there would almost always be a moment in the night where I would realize like, I'm about to pass the point of no return, like where I'm completely incapacitated.

00:28:12Guest:And then I would be like, eh, they'll figure it out.

00:28:14Guest:And then I would just like, take the next drink and wake up with my boots and my winter coat on, on a floor and be like, well,

00:28:23Marc:Yeah, just like dad.

00:28:24Guest:Here we are today.

00:28:24Guest:Yeah.

00:28:25Guest:Wow.

00:28:26Guest:Oh, God.

00:28:26Guest:How did I not make that connection sooner?

00:28:29Guest:Yeah.

00:28:29Guest:Just like dad.

00:28:32Marc:Yeah.

00:28:32Marc:Well, there's that moment where you're like, hey, everyone's laughing.

00:28:35Marc:And then the rest of the night is lost.

00:28:38Guest:Yeah.

00:28:39Marc:And you realize that it was probably something because you were throwing up on yourself or falling over or you just hit your head on a chair.

00:28:45Guest:Yeah.

00:28:47Guest:But not anymore.

00:28:48Marc:Okay.

00:28:49Marc:Well, what happens?

00:28:50Guest:No, it's okay.

00:28:52Marc:You go through all college?

00:28:53Marc:Yeah.

00:28:54Marc:Drunk?

00:28:54Guest:Yeah.

00:28:55Guest:I mean, yes and no.

00:28:57Guest:So I was always trying to quit drinking.

00:28:59Guest:So I didn't know until I started step work and started writing stuff out that I had tried to quit drinking every single year since I started drinking pretty much daily when I was 17.

00:29:13Marc:Oh, first step work.

00:29:15Guest:Yeah.

00:29:15Marc:You had to decide whether or not you had a problem.

00:29:17Guest:Yeah.

00:29:18Guest:It turns out I did.

00:29:20Marc:So you're always trying to quit.

00:29:22Marc:So you knew that and you couldn't quit every day since you were 17.

00:29:26Guest:Not every day, but every year I would have like a period where I wasn't drinking.

00:29:31Guest:And then to me that proved that I could quit drinking so I could drink again.

00:29:35Marc:So when did you like, so you finished college with what kind of degree?

00:29:39Guest:I double majored in psychology, behavioral science and philosophy.

00:29:44Marc:Oh, wow.

00:29:45Marc:So you're really trying to figure yourself out.

00:29:47Guest:Yeah.

00:29:50Guest:I just didn't want to do anything.

00:29:51Guest:There were no jobs I wanted.

00:29:52Marc:Did that stuff work out for you?

00:29:53Marc:Did any of that coalesce into anything other than a way of looking at the world and doing comedy?

00:29:59Guest:I worked with kids with developmental disabilities for a while, which I don't think I could have done without that degree.

00:30:07Marc:Oh, yeah?

00:30:08Marc:Yeah.

00:30:08Marc:So you graduated college and that's what you did?

00:30:10Marc:Developmental disability?

00:30:11Guest:I mean, I did a lot of other things, too.

00:30:15Marc:Still drinking.

00:30:16Guest:Yeah, yeah.

00:30:17Guest:I worked at a corner store.

00:30:19Guest:I worked in restaurants.

00:30:21Guest:I worked in a different corner store.

00:30:23Guest:In Milwaukee?

00:30:24Guest:Yeah, and Chicago.

00:30:25Guest:I worked in tech support.

00:30:26Guest:I went door-to-door asking for donations for different organizations.

00:30:32Marc:How'd that go?

00:30:33Marc:It's the worst.

00:30:33Guest:Oh, it's the worst.

00:30:35Guest:anything with a quota i don't know how sales people do it i think that that oh my god and you're like you know drinking and you're insecure and you know awful nightmare so dehumanizing it's almost like you know you're just going up hey could you hurt my feelings yeah absolutely could you reject me oh okay a hundred times a day perfect outstanding

00:30:55Guest:did you move people who are like my age and beautiful houses yeah and i'm like hi i'm a piece of can you say no to me please

00:31:08Guest:That was actually the script.

00:31:10Guest:It was fucked up.

00:31:10Guest:They made you say that.

00:31:11Marc:You're not even selling anything.

00:31:13Marc:They just paid people to go out and do that.

00:31:17Marc:For a laugh.

00:31:18Guest:No, that's the funds I was raising were for me to live my life.

00:31:23Marc:Exactly.

00:31:25Marc:So did you move to Chicago?

00:31:28Guest:Yeah, 2013.

00:31:29Guest:And I lived there until 2016 and then I moved here.

00:31:32Wow.

00:31:33Marc:So you do all this stuff, corner stores and door-to-door rejection.

00:31:36Guest:Yeah.

00:31:37Marc:And you work with developmentally disabled kids.

00:31:40Guest:Yeah.

00:31:40Marc:That must have been rewarding on some level.

00:31:42Guest:Yeah.

00:31:43Marc:When did that fit in?

00:31:45Guest:That was the most recent thing I did before I went full-time doing stand-up.

00:31:49Marc:Oh, okay.

00:31:50Guest:Yeah.

00:31:50Marc:So was there a moment, like a white light moment when you were helping a developmentally disabled person when you were like, I'm gonna be funny.

00:31:58Guest:No, I actually, there was a moment where I was like,

00:32:04Guest:Shit, I think I have to go to grad school for this because I can't keep having the same job as people who are in their early 20s.

00:32:12Guest:This is too embarrassing.

00:32:13Guest:How old were you?

00:32:15Guest:I'm 37, so 35, 4, 3.

00:32:18Marc:When did you quit drinking?

00:32:21Guest:When I was 29.

00:32:23Marc:In college, your dad was in prison?

00:32:26Guest:In high school, my dad was in jail.

00:32:28Marc:Yeah, and then you knew he was sober.

00:32:31Guest:Yes.

00:32:32Marc:Did you have conversations with him about it?

00:32:34Guest:You couldn't be his cashier without having conversations with him about it.

00:32:39Guest:He would not stop talking about it, ever.

00:32:42Guest:It was the worst.

00:32:43Guest:He was worse, almost.

00:32:45Guest:yeah like what he just he just preached about it constantly he wanted me to go to alateen he wanted me to go to alan on at the time i was like if you would not be a psychopath i wouldn't have any problems in my life at all like i don't need a program you need a program yeah um i'm perfectly happy about it yeah and now i mean i've been in

00:33:09Guest:I've been to the meetings of, I think, seven different 12-step programs now, which he totally got the last laugh.

00:33:17Guest:But he didn't live to see any of this.

00:33:19Marc:So you win?

00:33:21Guest:I guess.

00:33:23Marc:I don't know.

00:33:25Marc:Oh, sad though, right?

00:33:26Guest:I definitely win.

00:33:27Guest:I mean, that's the best outcome for someone with problems is help.

00:33:33Marc:Sure.

00:33:34Marc:But by the time he passed away, I mean, were you guys okay?

00:33:38Yeah.

00:33:38Guest:I mean, the last thing I ever said to him was, I love you.

00:33:41Marc:That's nice.

00:33:42Guest:And he died very suddenly.

00:33:44Guest:But we always had problems.

00:33:47Guest:It was very hard to be his daughter.

00:33:48Guest:It was very hard to be his daughter.

00:33:50Guest:I imagine it was hard to be my dad.

00:33:52Marc:Yeah, but I mean, after all that shit when you're that young and that emotionally unsupported and all that chaos.

00:33:57Guest:Yeah.

00:33:58Marc:I mean, shit.

00:33:58Guest:You know, it's interesting because people are always like...

00:34:02Guest:watch out because when your parents die you're gonna regret that you didn't spend more time with them and i look back and i'm like i would if i knew then what i know now i would have gone no contact with my dad when you were five when i was 18. yeah as soon as i legally could have yeah but i wasn't self-supporting he was giving me money and so were you still getting like was he still being violent

00:34:28Guest:um it was so hard because he would not be violent for a while yeah and i would start to trust him yeah and just when we had like built some trust

00:34:45Guest:I would go on a trip with him or something and I would be like this could be really fun and it would be fun and then at some point during the trip it would be the old dad again and he would be chasing me around or chasing me and my sister and you know the monster would re-emerge and I would feel so

00:35:03Guest:stupid because i was like what how many times does this have to happen for you to figure out that this is always going to happen like stop thinking you're young i mean you we want you you have hope yeah it's terrible yeah well and it's so hard because like some people do change yeah you know

00:35:21Marc:With vigilance.

00:35:23Guest:Yeah.

00:35:23Marc:And I guess he did, but not until he went to jail.

00:35:25Guest:Yeah.

00:35:26Marc:And you were older.

00:35:27Guest:Well, but this is even after that.

00:35:28Guest:I mean, he stalked me in my adulthood.

00:35:32Guest:Sober?

00:35:33Guest:Yeah.

00:35:35Guest:Dry, at least.

00:35:36Guest:I mean, he was going to meetings, but I think his step work was not mine to evaluate, but.

00:35:41Guest:Sure.

00:35:42Guest:He still had problems.

00:35:42Marc:But he still starts shit with you?

00:35:44Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:35:45Guest:And I mean, there are outside issues that the program is not intended to solve.

00:35:49Guest:Sure.

00:35:50Guest:You know what I mean?

00:35:50Marc:Of course.

00:35:50Marc:Yeah, yeah.

00:35:51Guest:And eventually he went to therapy.

00:35:54Guest:But yeah, I couldn't tell him where I lived anymore.

00:35:56Guest:I mean, I moved to Philadelphia and couldn't give him my address because when I still lived in Milwaukee, I mean, he would come to my apartment and he would ring my buzzer over and over while calling me over and over for literally three hours.

00:36:08Guest:What did he want from you?

00:36:10Guest:He wanted me to let him help me shovel my car out of the snow, which I didn't need or want.

00:36:19Guest:Oh.

00:36:19Guest:But, I mean, really, what he wanted was access to me.

00:36:22Guest:And he would show up at my work.

00:36:23Guest:He would show up in my apartment.

00:36:24Guest:He would not.

00:36:25Guest:I would be sitting in my apartment as it, like, got dark out, like, sitting next to the bed so that he couldn't see that anybody was home.

00:36:34Marc:So he was just like a terrorist.

00:36:36Guest:Yeah.

00:36:36Marc:Emotional terrorist.

00:36:38Guest:Yeah.

00:36:39Guest:Yeah.

00:36:40Marc:I just wonder, like, do you have any sense of, like, that behavior?

00:36:45Marc:I mean, I'm trying...

00:36:46Marc:Did he want you to accept him or did he want, you know, I don't, it's that kind of behavior.

00:36:55Marc:I mean, what is the end game of that?

00:36:57Marc:I don't get it.

00:36:58Guest:You know, I've been, I learned about personality disorders recently, like narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths specifically.

00:37:06Guest:Borderline?

00:37:07Guest:I mean, borderline fits.

00:37:10Guest:Borderline fits.

00:37:12Guest:Like, those all fit.

00:37:14Guest:Yeah.

00:37:14Guest:And that's something that's been hard to come to terms with is like, he might have done it all to hurt me.

00:37:21Guest:He might have done it all because he got... To make you crazy.

00:37:24Guest:Yeah.

00:37:24Marc:Because he got off on it.

00:37:25Guest:Yeah.

00:37:26Marc:Or he wanted some sort of emotional need to be met that couldn't be met.

00:37:29Guest:Yeah.

00:37:30Marc:Well, I'm sorry you went through that.

00:37:32Guest:Oh, thanks.

00:37:32Marc:It's terrible.

00:37:35Marc:So you started to get sober after he died?

00:37:38Guest:Yeah.

00:37:39Guest:Yeah.

00:37:41Marc:What was your moment?

00:37:47Guest:I don't know.

00:37:49Guest:I mean, it was not like when it was at its worst, you know?

00:37:53Marc:Yeah.

00:37:54Marc:You're just tired maybe.

00:37:55Guest:Yeah.

00:37:55Guest:I just was done and the right person offered me the right kind of help at the right time.

00:38:01Guest:Like I was so exhausted from trying to quit drinking and just being, and you know, the periods of being dry get shorter and shorter.

00:38:09Guest:The relapses get harder and harder.

00:38:10Guest:Like you hit the ground running faster and faster.

00:38:13Guest:But never programmed.

00:38:14Marc:Just white knuckle.

00:38:15Guest:No, now I've been in the program for eight years.

00:38:17Marc:No, I know, but like when you tried to get sober.

00:38:19Guest:I went to one AA meeting when I was 18, and I went to my second one when I was 24, and I went to my third one when I was 29, and then kept going.

00:38:30Marc:Those first two were like, what the fuck is this?

00:38:34Marc:Yeah.

00:38:35Marc:This is crazy.

00:38:36Marc:What are those things on the wall?

00:38:37Guest:Yeah.

00:38:38Marc:Yeah.

00:38:38Guest:Um, the first one was two old men in the back of a Perkins restaurant in Decorah, Iowa.

00:38:46Guest:And I was just like, this is not, not your scene.

00:38:48Guest:Yeah.

00:38:49Guest:I'm just talking about God.

00:38:50Guest:I was like, yeah, this isn't, this isn't going to do it.

00:38:54Marc:Yeah.

00:38:57Marc:The program was not well represented in that moment.

00:39:00Guest:No.

00:39:00Guest:I shouldn't say AA.

00:39:02Marc:It's all right.

00:39:03Marc:Okay.

00:39:04Marc:I mean, I talk about it all the time.

00:39:05Marc:Okay.

00:39:06Marc:We can just make it clear.

00:39:07Marc:She's not here representing the program.

00:39:09Marc:We are two recovering people.

00:39:11Marc:alcoholics talking about recovery.

00:39:14Marc:Neither one of us represent the program.

00:39:17Marc:Don't do what we do.

00:39:18Guest:I'm just telling a story.

00:39:20Marc:Yes.

00:39:22Marc:I sometimes say the secret society or whatever.

00:39:26Marc:But that tradition needs to go.

00:39:28Guest:Yeah, I say the program or like a 12-step program, but I say that because my first sponsor told me, just tell people it's a 12-step program for alcohol and they'll know what you're talking about, but you won't actually say it.

00:39:40Guest:And I'm like, that sounds like a superstition.

00:39:42Marc:Yeah, like a roundabout way.

00:39:44Guest:That sounds like you made that up.

00:39:45Marc:If I understand that particular tradition properly, which is not to bring it into the rest of your film, it's primarily because if you become an example or are seen as an example of the program and you get fucked up, then everyone's going to be like, that doesn't work.

00:40:03Marc:And I've had pushback from one asshole.

00:40:05Guest:Yeah.

00:40:06Marc:Maybe two in my life, you know, guys whose entire life it is to be, you know, the fanatic bleeding deacon of the, you know, of the program.

00:40:15Marc:But, you know, it's like, fuck off.

00:40:16Marc:What are you going to kick me out?

00:40:18Guest:Yeah.

00:40:19Marc:So, yeah.

00:40:20Guest:I just think I have like a pathological fear of like breaking rules and authority.

00:40:24Guest:So I...

00:40:25Guest:I'm almost superstitious about it.

00:40:28Marc:But you've been in the program long enough to see all kinds of fucking ridiculousness in those rooms.

00:40:32Marc:And no one's going to be like, you're done.

00:40:36Marc:Get out.

00:40:37Marc:I'm just going to go to another meeting, asshole.

00:40:38Marc:Fuck you.

00:40:39Guest:And if someone's really ready and really needs and wants help, they're not.

00:40:44Guest:I mean, it wouldn't have stopped me to know that people start drinking again after they do the program.

00:40:49Guest:I was so desperate.

00:40:50Guest:They're on TV.

00:40:51Guest:Yeah.

00:40:52Marc:No, of course not.

00:40:53Marc:Yeah, and then you start to realize very few people make it.

00:40:57Marc:It's just crazy.

00:40:58Marc:But okay, so the third meeting at 29, that did it?

00:41:02Guest:That did it.

00:41:05Marc:Who was it that made the difference?

00:41:07Guest:I was living with a boyfriend at that time, and he was like, I noticed that you've been drinking a lot more lately, and I also have noticed that you've been a lot sadder lately.

00:41:20Guest:My boss said that he goes to these meetings and they help him.

00:41:25Guest:And he said he would take you.

00:41:26Guest:Would you be willing to go with him?

00:41:28Guest:And it was like it was the first time that I had ever even thought of that.

00:41:32Guest:It was like it was the first time I had thought of that.

00:41:35Guest:What, going?

00:41:37Guest:Yeah, it was like a light bulb went off.

00:41:39Guest:Yeah, where I was like, wait, if I go and do every single thing that they say, like maybe this could work for me.

00:41:47Marc:Willingness.

00:41:48Guest:Yeah.

00:41:49Guest:So I went and I did every single thing that they said and it worked for me.

00:41:53Marc:How bad was it early on?

00:41:54Marc:Was it all right?

00:41:55Marc:Um, how bad was, I mean, were you, were you crazy?

00:41:59Guest:Yeah.

00:42:00Guest:But I wasn't like, I didn't have the really dangerous physical withdrawal.

00:42:05Marc:Right.

00:42:05Marc:Just the mental kind of like, just sobbed constantly.

00:42:09Marc:The waves of discomfort that couldn't be treated.

00:42:11Guest:Yeah.

00:42:12Marc:Yeah.

00:42:14Marc:Squirrely.

00:42:14Guest:Yeah.

00:42:15Guest:I almost walked out of a meeting six days in to go drink.

00:42:19Marc:Yeah.

00:42:20Guest:And didn't, because I was on the opposite side from the door, and I didn't want to have to walk through the circle to leave.

00:42:28Marc:So it wasn't a dramatic exit you wanted to make.

00:42:32Marc:You wanted to slink out.

00:42:33Guest:Yeah.

00:42:34Guest:Yeah, and now it's been eight years.

00:42:36Marc:Wow.

00:42:37Marc:Do you feel better?

00:42:38Guest:Yeah, of course.

00:42:39Marc:Yeah.

00:42:41Yeah.

00:42:41Marc:And then obviously when you stop, then all the other stuff comes up.

00:42:46Guest:Yeah.

00:42:48Marc:Yeah.

00:42:48Marc:And that's like the anxiety and all that other shit.

00:42:51Marc:And mine's like inability to compartmentalize.

00:42:53Marc:Everything seems to happen at roughly the same frequency.

00:42:56Guest:Yeah.

00:42:57Guest:Well, I had like a joke.

00:42:59Marc:Fast and hard.

00:43:00Marc:Yeah.

00:43:01Guest:I had a joke back then because I like used to talk about it in my act where I was like, I used to get blackout drunk, eat a whole pizza and bang a dude.

00:43:10Guest:But I didn't realize that that was three separate problems.

00:43:14Guest:But like, yeah, the pizza and the guys were still there when I got sober.

00:43:18Guest:And I'm like, oh, shit.

00:43:19Guest:So that's where all the other.

00:43:21Marc:That's funny.

00:43:21Guest:12-step programs came from.

00:43:23Guest:And now I feel pretty together and pretty good.

00:43:26Guest:I don't feel like I'm living a life of active addiction.

00:43:28Guest:The food's the hardest one.

00:43:29Marc:Do you use that in your qualification?

00:43:33Marc:In your pitch?

00:43:34Marc:That joke?

00:43:35Guest:No.

00:43:35Marc:Oh, you got to.

00:43:37Guest:I'm so scared to make jokes in meetings because when they bomb, it makes me want to die.

00:43:42Guest:And that happened like...

00:43:44Guest:Way early.

00:43:45Guest:You know, I feel like it's like the new people always try to make jokes.

00:43:48Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:43:49Guest:And people laugh at stuff that you would never think people would laugh at.

00:43:52Marc:They laugh at the darkest, horrible things.

00:43:54Guest:Yeah, they laugh at the darkest, horrible things.

00:43:57Marc:You can't go in with a planned bit.

00:43:59Guest:Yeah, exactly.

00:44:00Marc:Yeah, I've had a lot of stinkers.

00:44:02Marc:A lot of bombs.

00:44:04Marc:Because it's like your natural wanted you want.

00:44:06Marc:Because when I first got in the rooms, I was like, oh, you people suck.

00:44:10Marc:I don't want to be one of you.

00:44:11Marc:Yeah.

00:44:12Marc:I was that guy.

00:44:12Guest:And they're like, yeah, we don't either.

00:44:14Guest:Nobody is here.

00:44:15Guest:Welcome.

00:44:16Guest:Welcome.

00:44:16Marc:No, fuck you.

00:44:17Marc:You sound great.

00:44:19Marc:You're not getting it.

00:44:20Guest:Sounds like you haven't figured it out.

00:44:22Guest:Yeah.

00:44:24Yeah.

00:44:24Marc:Yeah.

00:44:26Marc:So when does the comedy start?

00:44:29Marc:So you're doing comedy when you're doing developmentally disabled counseling?

00:44:33Guest:Yes.

00:44:33Marc:Where'd you start comedy?

00:44:35Guest:Milwaukee.

00:44:35Marc:You did?

00:44:36Guest:Mm-hmm.

00:44:37Marc:Where?

00:44:38Guest:The Comedy Cafe, which no longer exists.

00:44:42Marc:Yeah.

00:44:43Guest:And a bar called Rounding Third, which does exist, and then just other little bars in the area.

00:44:49Marc:So what year was that?

00:44:51Yeah.

00:44:51Marc:2010.

00:44:52Marc:All right, so they've got a little scene there in Milwaukee?

00:44:55Marc:Yeah.

00:44:56Marc:Do we know other people that came out of it?

00:44:59No.

00:45:02Guest:You say that like, everyone's dead.

00:45:05Guest:Everybody died.

00:45:06Marc:Yeah.

00:45:08Marc:Well, they still could.

00:45:09Marc:They have time.

00:45:09Marc:You're early on.

00:45:12Marc:So you were still drinking when you started?

00:45:15Guest:Yeah.

00:45:16Guest:A lot.

00:45:17Marc:Yeah, and did that help?

00:45:18Guest:Um, no, no, no, it didn't.

00:45:22Marc:Were you loopy on stage?

00:45:24Guest:Yeah, I was shit faced on stage because I would get so nervous.

00:45:28Guest:I had such bad stage fright.

00:45:30Guest:And so I would drink as much as I possibly could before I went on stage.

00:45:34Guest:And then I would, you know.

00:45:37Guest:there are times when I did shows and I didn't remember doing them afterwards.

00:45:41Guest:Like there were times when I performed completely blacked out.

00:45:46Guest:Um, there were times when I would get off stage and be like, how did that go?

00:45:49Guest:Like, how did it seem?

00:45:50Guest:They'd be like, you seem shit faced.

00:45:51Guest:Like you're very drunk right now.

00:45:53Guest:Yeah.

00:45:54Guest:Oh, for friends who are comics.

00:45:56Marc:Right.

00:45:57Marc:Um,

00:45:57Marc:Oh, so you got in with them, the weirdos.

00:45:59Marc:So that was, did you feel like I'm home now?

00:46:02Guest:Yeah.

00:46:03Marc:Oh, yeah.

00:46:03Guest:I really felt like it, because people also drink so much in Milwaukee.

00:46:08Guest:Yeah.

00:46:08Guest:I think, I know it has one of, at least one of the highest drunk driving rates in the country, if not the highest.

00:46:14Guest:Oh, yeah.

00:46:16Yeah.

00:46:16Guest:When I got sober and went back there, my friends were like, we didn't think you had a problem.

00:46:21Guest:And I'm like, I drank first thing in the morning every day when I woke up.

00:46:26Guest:I mean, I didn't wake up in the morning.

00:46:27Guest:I drank first thing when I woke up in the afternoon every day.

00:46:30Guest:What did you drink?

00:46:31Guest:Ginger brandy in my coffee.

00:46:34Marc:Yeah.

00:46:34Guest:Or like wine or liquor, beer, anything else.

00:46:38Marc:What was your main drink?

00:46:40Guest:I liked red wine the most.

00:46:42Marc:Oh, really?

00:46:42Guest:But I drank everything.

00:46:43Marc:Yeah.

00:46:44Guest:Yeah.

00:46:45Marc:Red wine takes a lot.

00:46:46Marc:It must have taken a lot towards the end to get fucked up.

00:46:51Guest:It's so funny because you say that and I'm like...

00:46:53Guest:And I don't know, I still think like an alcoholic in my head.

00:46:56Guest:I'm like, yeah, well, I would drink those like gallon jugs.

00:46:59Guest:But then I'm like, yeah, that's a lot, Laura.

00:47:01Guest:That's a lot of wine.

00:47:02Guest:That's as much.

00:47:04Guest:That's the biggest unit it comes in.

00:47:07Marc:The max of wine.

00:47:09Guest:I wanted to be in therapy at one point, and I called to do the intake process of some place that had a sliding scale fee or whatever, and they asked me how much alcohol I consumed, and I knew that they wouldn't take me...

00:47:27Guest:if i told him the actual amount so i lied and my lie that i came up with was 10 beers a day that'll get me in they were like yeah that's like way too much like you need to deal with your alcohol problem first or there's nothing anyone can do with you're like no i said 10. i was like how many is not a problem

00:47:50Guest:Just for when I call back in 20 minutes.

00:47:55Marc:Oh, shit.

00:47:58Marc:So when did you move to Chicago?

00:48:02Guest:Three years into doing stand-up.

00:48:04Marc:So did you break that scene as well?

00:48:07Guest:Yeah.

00:48:08Marc:Is that where you got sober?

00:48:11Guest:Yeah.

00:48:11Marc:Chicago.

00:48:12Guest:Yeah.

00:48:13Marc:Okay.

00:48:14Marc:So how was the scene there then?

00:48:15Marc:Who was around?

00:48:16Marc:Anybody we know?

00:48:18Guest:Um...

00:48:19Marc:Or had they all left?

00:48:20Marc:Because I guess it's later than like the Kumail, Pete Holmes, you know, there was a little crew out of Chicago.

00:48:29Marc:Wasn't Mulaney Chicago?

00:48:31Marc:There seemed to be a generation.

00:48:32Guest:Yeah, but they were all gone before I got there.

00:48:35Marc:Yeah.

00:48:36Marc:So where were you playing there?

00:48:38Guest:I got passed at all the clubs by the time I left.

00:48:43Marc:Oh, so you moved there when you were three years in and you just started doing what, Zanies?

00:48:47Marc:Yep.

00:48:48Guest:The Laugh Factory Jokes and Notes was around back then.

00:48:52Marc:But you're like real deal comic.

00:48:54Marc:You're not alt comic.

00:48:55Marc:You're not doing like the, you know.

00:48:57Guest:I frankly don't understand the difference.

00:48:59Guest:The difference.

00:49:00Marc:Well, I mean, there was a time where there were all these bringer rooms everywhere.

00:49:03Guest:Yeah.

00:49:03Marc:And they were not, and a lot of the people that played them were not playing the Laugh Factory.

00:49:07Guest:Yeah.

00:49:08Marc:They weren't playing Zanies.

00:49:10Guest:Yeah.

00:49:10Marc:They were insulated in this other community.

00:49:13Marc:And there, too, in Chicago, you had the sketch community as well.

00:49:16Guest:Yeah.

00:49:17Marc:But like, it sounds like you were like real deal comedy.

00:49:20Yeah.

00:49:20Guest:I was also doing all those other rooms.

00:49:22Marc:Yeah.

00:49:23Guest:I just don't count them now because they don't matter to me.

00:49:28Marc:Yeah.

00:49:29Marc:As much.

00:49:30Marc:You were just trying to work it out.

00:49:31Guest:I feel like a lot of that stuff is like a popularity contest and I did it, but it's gone.

00:49:35Marc:So there's no infrastructure to that thing anymore.

00:49:40Guest:Yeah.

00:49:40Marc:Alt comedy.

00:49:41Guest:Yeah.

00:49:41Marc:I mean, it's just gone.

00:49:43Marc:And I think it happened a little before COVID.

00:49:46Marc:It seemed to just sort of die out because nobody really had a point of view.

00:49:49Marc:It was just a bunch of people being goofy.

00:49:53Guest:Yeah.

00:49:53Marc:And being clicky, right.

00:49:55Guest:And making comedians laugh and making their friends laugh.

00:49:58Marc:Yeah.

00:49:58Guest:And I feel like there's something that's very important about making regular people laugh.

00:50:04Marc:Yeah, that's what the job is.

00:50:05Marc:I always thought that.

00:50:06Guest:Yeah.

00:50:07Marc:And you thought that when?

00:50:10Marc:From the beginning?

00:50:10Guest:I mean, I kind of always thought that.

00:50:12Marc:I don't know.

00:50:13Marc:When you got into comedy, I mean, what were you basing your...

00:50:17Marc:your reasoning on.

00:50:19Marc:Like, did you know other people?

00:50:20Marc:Were you a fan of comedy?

00:50:21Marc:Did you want it to be a way to make a living?

00:50:24Marc:Or did you just want to do it?

00:50:25Guest:I was always a fan of comedy.

00:50:27Guest:I always wanted to do it more than anything, but I didn't think that I could.

00:50:32Guest:But there's like a picture of me when I was like five years old.

00:50:35Guest:I had a little bowl cut and I did stand up at my grandma's house for the talent show.

00:50:40Guest:And I remember doing stand up at a Girl Scout retreat when I was nine for a talent show.

00:50:44Marc:Did you do that joke about the pizza and the guy?

00:50:46Guest:No.

00:50:47Guest:No, I don't think I had any jokes.

00:50:49Guest:And I mean, I bombed both times, but I know that as far back as that, I was aware that this is my thing.

00:50:57Guest:If I have any talent at all, it's to make people laugh.

00:51:01Guest:Yeah.

00:51:02Guest:and then i had a and i mean i i loved i loved watching stand up yeah um and then i had a friend in milwaukee who was doing open mics and stuff and i went and watched him at an open mic and i was like oh i could i could do this how you do it yeah and so i signed up ahead of time you had to like call in and sign up ahead of time for the open mic the next week and then i wrote five to seven minutes of

00:51:26Guest:jokes stayed up all night i mean basically went manic just practicing these just you know in the beginning you just are obsessed with it yeah just practicing these jokes and then yeah i i did my first set and i it was like anything else like i couldn't get enough i could never get enough well that's good do you still feel that way no absolutely not you've had enough yeah

00:51:54Guest:i'm about done i mean i love it very much but i also there was like a point in chicago where i i did like 34 shows in a month and was also working at a minimum of 40 hours a week we're at um at a place called shopper track yeah we track your shoppers

00:52:15Guest:And I realized I had to start saying no to stuff.

00:52:20Guest:I was like, you can't like this is living in active addiction.

00:52:24Guest:If you are saying yes to every single show, because in the beginning, like that's the hard to, you know, like I still have a problem with it.

00:52:31Guest:Really?

00:52:32Marc:Yeah, because it's like, we want you to do something because we want you.

00:52:35Marc:And you're like, you want me?

00:52:36Marc:Okay.

00:52:38Guest:Oh, man.

00:52:39Guest:I've gotten real good at saying no.

00:52:40Marc:Yeah, me too.

00:52:41Marc:But it took a while.

00:52:42Guest:Yeah.

00:52:43Marc:And it actually took being grounded and making a living on my own terms to realize I don't know anybody or anything.

00:52:54Marc:Because I've got a very innately codependent disposition.

00:52:58Marc:You know what I mean?

00:52:59Marc:are they gonna be mad at me?

00:53:00Marc:It's like, no.

00:53:01Guest:Yeah, they're not gonna like me.

00:53:03Marc:And I don't even act that way.

00:53:05Marc:I would not say my act is the act of a guy that's worried that people don't like him, that won't like him.

00:53:11Marc:But it seems to be in there.

00:53:13Marc:There is a people pleaser that I've sort of wrestled to the ground and I keep my foot on his neck.

00:53:21Marc:Yeah.

00:53:22Guest:Yeah, I know.

00:53:23Guest:I've seen you before you go on stage.

00:53:25Guest:I know exactly what's in there.

00:53:26Guest:You say all your thoughts out loud.

00:53:28Guest:I know what they are.

00:53:29Guest:What?

00:53:29Marc:This is going to suck?

00:53:30Marc:Yeah.

00:53:30Marc:These fucking people are terrible.

00:53:32Guest:They're not going to like me.

00:53:33Guest:Oh God, these people are going to hate me.

00:53:34Guest:I'm like, they don't though.

00:53:36Guest:They don't even know you.

00:53:37Guest:They're here to see you.

00:53:39Guest:They're here to watch you do the thing that you've been doing for a very long time.

00:53:42Marc:And it's always because they're having too much fun.

00:53:45Marc:That to me is an indicator that they're not going to like you.

00:53:49That bums you out.

00:53:50Guest:That's so funny.

00:53:52Guest:Because we were just talking about how that's like the whole thing is to give these people a good time.

00:53:57Guest:You're like, oh, fuck.

00:53:57Marc:These fucking people are not going to.

00:53:59Marc:I'm a different kind of good time.

00:54:01Guest:They're not going to like what I have.

00:54:02Guest:I don't even know what I'm going to do out there.

00:54:03Guest:I don't even know.

00:54:06Marc:I think that is actually just a thing I do.

00:54:10Guest:And then you kill and come back and you're like, they're all right.

00:54:12Guest:Was that all right?

00:54:13Marc:Yeah.

00:54:13Guest:They're okay.

00:54:15Guest:It's a ritual.

00:54:16Marc:It's something I've gotten used to.

00:54:17Marc:I don't know if it's attached to actual real feelings.

00:54:20Guest:I don't know.

00:54:21Guest:I see like an inner child, like a little mark, just setting yourself up so you can't be disappointed.

00:54:26Guest:That's all it is.

00:54:27Guest:Yeah.

00:54:28Marc:Yeah.

00:54:28Guest:Which of course you can still be disappointed.

00:54:31Guest:Totally.

00:54:31Guest:Yeah.

00:54:32Marc:There's no, like there's no, I knew it.

00:54:35Marc:Right.

00:54:35Marc:You know, I can't.

00:54:38Guest:No one bombs and is then like, see?

00:54:44Marc:I did it.

00:54:46Marc:Well, I mean, I used to do that, but that's manifesting self-sabotage, which I won't do anymore.

00:54:51Marc:I think I disarm it by doing that weird chitchat.

00:54:56Marc:Like this is going to suck or whatever.

00:54:57Marc:I literally think that's me going like, yes.

00:55:01Guest:You know what, like, has been helping me is, like, I go and look at the audience and look at the individuals in the audience.

00:55:09Marc:I always do that.

00:55:10Guest:I always do that.

00:55:10Guest:And I'm like, I can make that lady laugh.

00:55:12Guest:Like, that's just a guy.

00:55:14Guest:I can make that guy laugh.

00:55:15Guest:Like, I can make individual people laugh.

00:55:17Guest:But if I see a room full of hundreds of people, I'm like, oh, fuck, these people are going to eat me alive.

00:55:22Marc:What I look for is, like, if there's, like, I can tell, because I'm doing it so long, I can tell, like, when I'm on the road, I'm doing, like, these two-hour sets right now.

00:55:31Marc:It's crazy.

00:55:32Marc:But I'll listen.

00:55:32Marc:Like, I can tell how drunk a crowd is by the way they're talking.

00:55:36Marc:Just to the decibel level.

00:55:37Marc:You're like, it's like, or if it's like, you can tell.

00:55:42Marc:And then I can also tell, like, you know, if there's one table, like, blah, blah.

00:55:45Marc:And I'm like, oh, that one's... Why are they here?

00:55:50Marc:But yeah, I mean, my problem is sometimes when I'm on stage, I'll focus in on one person.

00:55:55Marc:And I don't notice it until they're looking at me like, what?

00:55:59Marc:What?

00:56:00Marc:I'm like, hey.

00:56:01Guest:Well, I do, too.

00:56:02Guest:And I'll tell you who it's that motherfucker in the front row who has not been smiling for the entire show.

00:56:08Guest:And I'll see them not smile for the other comedians.

00:56:11Guest:And then I go out and spend my entire set taking it personally.

00:56:16Guest:Yeah.

00:56:17Guest:Even though it's like, that's not.

00:56:19Guest:Yeah.

00:56:19Guest:That's not my fault.

00:56:20Guest:Yeah.

00:56:21Guest:Because.

00:56:21Guest:If for no other reason, then who goes to a comedy show and sits in the front row and frowns the entire time?

00:56:27Guest:Like that's a fight with the boyfriend or that's something else.

00:56:30Guest:That's not my fault.

00:56:31Guest:Cancer diagnosis.

00:56:32Guest:Yeah, exactly.

00:56:32Marc:But yeah, no, I don't think, I never think it's my fault, but I do always find myself landing on faces that aren't laughing.

00:56:38Marc:I mean, if you're going to do it.

00:56:40Marc:The other night I was in this huge theater.

00:56:42Marc:It wasn't huge.

00:56:43Marc:It was about 1300 in Kenswick.

00:56:45Marc:Kenswick Theater.

00:56:47Marc:Keswick, right?

00:56:48Marc:Keswick?

00:56:49Marc:Outside of Philly.

00:56:50Marc:It was packed.

00:56:51Marc:But the house lights just did not go down enough.

00:56:55Marc:I saw everybody.

00:56:58Marc:All 1,300 of them I could make out from the stage.

00:57:02Marc:And I swear to God, anytime I looked at anybody, no one's laughing.

00:57:06Marc:I'm hearing laughs.

00:57:07Marc:But it must not have been from the first third of the room, according to my eyes.

00:57:11Marc:It was like some horrible turning bingo ball where I'm just like, how about that person?

00:57:16Marc:Nothing.

00:57:17Marc:Nothing.

00:57:18Marc:Reaching in.

00:57:19Marc:And I talked about it.

00:57:23Marc:I was like, is anyone laughing up in this area?

00:57:26Marc:Where are the laughs coming from?

00:57:28Marc:It's like, you're not.

00:57:29Marc:You're not.

00:57:30Marc:I don't know what you're doing.

00:57:32Guest:It's so funny.

00:57:38Guest:It's terrible.

00:57:40Marc:It just happened the other night.

00:57:42Guest:I hate that.

00:57:43Guest:And I hate the converse of that, which is you can see people laughing, but it sounds like you're bombing.

00:57:52Guest:I'm like, you all look like you're having a lovely time.

00:57:55Guest:Why can't I hear you laughing?

00:57:58Marc:That's a structural problem with the room, and I won't do that.

00:58:01Marc:There's one in Michigan.

00:58:02Marc:I can't do it anymore.

00:58:03Guest:Really?

00:58:04Marc:I've done it twice, three times maybe.

00:58:06Guest:Is it like carpet on the walls, carpet on the ceiling?

00:58:08Marc:No, sometimes it's just a cavernous feeling.

00:58:12Marc:It's just dead.

00:58:15Marc:I had that issue in Atlanta.

00:58:19Marc:And I had that issue where people seem to have a good time.

00:58:22Marc:But I also know when I'm connecting, like earlier shows are hard.

00:58:25Marc:Like sometimes the energy is different.

00:58:27Marc:But there are definitely some rooms where it doesn't come back at you.

00:58:30Marc:Yeah.

00:58:31Marc:You know, because it gets lost.

00:58:33Guest:Yeah.

00:58:33Marc:And it's a drag because it makes us work harder.

00:58:36Guest:Yeah.

00:58:36Marc:And we're just supposed to be self-regulating like that.

00:58:39Guest:Yeah.

00:58:40Marc:But like I feel the sweat on the back of my neck when, you know, it's sort of like, no, you know, like, where is it?

00:58:46Marc:Yeah.

00:58:47Marc:So you got into all the clubs in Chicago, and what, you just hammered it out there for six years or whatever?

00:58:54Marc:Three years.

00:58:55Marc:Only three?

00:58:55Guest:Yeah.

00:58:56Marc:So you put together 20 pretty quick, half hour?

00:58:59Guest:Well, I was like, there were so few women doing stand-up in Milwaukee where I started that I got a lot of opportunities really fast,

00:59:12Guest:from people who were outright like we'd like a girl on the lineup yeah we need a woman will you do that and so i got a lot of stage time and i think i was doing half hours within six months of starting stand-up oh that's great they weren't good half hours i mean you would have to stay up there gun to my head to listen to one of them again but i could stay up there yeah i could tell i could tell jokes yeah i'm not sure that my two hours right now is what i would call perfect yeah

00:59:38Marc:I think that I know there's a lot of stuff in there that's going to go, but it's entertaining.

00:59:46Guest:You're not doing a tight 120 up there?

00:59:48Marc:Nope.

00:59:49Marc:I'm doing a funny 120.

00:59:52Marc:It's actually tighter than I think, but I got to get down to 70.

00:59:58Marc:I'm starting to now think about, well, I'm just doing that for fun.

01:00:01Marc:that's so cool that's a movie that is something that even just vocally you have to like train your way up to like i noticed that the other night like i was starting to lose my voice are you ever doing two hours twice a night damn oh no not twice a night okay i've i've just gone out with no opener and i'm just like because i i have a lot of and i'm just hammering i'm like this like how long am i going to get to do this yeah you know so if i need to prove something to myself let's get it done

01:00:30Guest:That's such a long time.

01:00:31Marc:That's incredible.

01:00:32Marc:I don't think about it.

01:00:33Marc:It goes from, usually it's an hour and a half to two hours, and it's not getting less than that.

01:00:41Guest:That's like, because being from Milwaukee in my head, I'm like, that is how long it takes to drive from Milwaukee to Chicago if you're telling jokes the entire time.

01:00:49Guest:That's a long time.

01:00:50Marc:Well, if you get in the groove, you don't think about it, which is the great thing.

01:00:53Marc:That's really, I think, why I'm doing it.

01:00:55Marc:Because I've worked so hard to own this space.

01:00:58Marc:That is mine.

01:00:59Marc:Why not live in it?

01:01:00Guest:Yeah, I'm finally at the point where I can do an hour without my ass sweating 50 minutes in about what's going to happen if I don't get the light in a few more jokes.

01:01:13Guest:You know what I mean?

01:01:14Guest:Like I can do an hour now without being afraid of running out of...

01:01:20Marc:of jokes.

01:01:22Marc:So you're headlining mostly?

01:01:23Guest:Yeah.

01:01:24Marc:Oh, great.

01:01:24Guest:Yeah.

01:01:25Marc:Theaters, clubs?

01:01:27Guest:Clubs.

01:01:27Marc:Yeah?

01:01:28Guest:Yeah.

01:01:28Guest:Great.

01:01:29Guest:The occasional theater.

01:01:30Marc:Yeah.

01:01:30Marc:All right, so you move here.

01:01:32Marc:What are the breaks?

01:01:36Marc:You get into the store pretty quick?

01:01:37Marc:Are you doing the bringer shows?

01:01:39Marc:What are you doing?

01:01:39Guest:I was here for three years and bombed on potluck a couple times.

01:01:44Guest:Had a couple that went well, I thought.

01:01:47Marc:Three years you were here?

01:01:48Guest:Yeah.

01:01:49Marc:Where were you working?

01:01:50Guest:Uh, nowhere.

01:01:51Guest:What?

01:01:52Marc:How were you doing stand-up?

01:01:53Guest:I just was, I don't know, doing shows when people let me, doing some open mics.

01:01:58Marc:Oh, but you were still doing it.

01:02:00Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:02:00Marc:Were you going on the road featuring?

01:02:02Guest:No.

01:02:03Guest:Oh, so you did... It really, I mean, like I said, I was thinking about going to grad school.

01:02:07Guest:Like, it wasn't looking good.

01:02:08Guest:I was at the point where I was having to face the very real possibility of, like, what if this doesn't happen?

01:02:16Guest:And I still...

01:02:18Guest:Knew it would.

01:02:19Guest:I know that that doesn't make sense to say, but that's just how it was.

01:02:22Marc:It's what we do.

01:02:24Marc:Because really, I think in my heart anyways, I knew there was no other choice.

01:02:28Guest:Yeah, exactly.

01:02:30Marc:Because after a while, all those plan Bs are just sort of like, that can't happen now.

01:02:34Guest:I knew there was no other choice, but I also was like, if my big break isn't until I'm 75, what's the plan for rent?

01:02:44Guest:Yeah, right.

01:02:44Guest:Because this isn't even cutting it.

01:02:45Marc:Not a plan B, just a rent plan.

01:02:46Guest:Yeah, exactly.

01:02:47Marc:Yeah.

01:02:47Guest:This isn't even cutting it.

01:02:50Marc:So three years, you're just doing jobs, odd jobs?

01:02:53Guest:Yeah, just doing whatever, and then...

01:02:56Guest:Well, originally I hadn't driven a car in 10 years because I was an alcoholic and living in Chicago, living places where there's public transportation.

01:03:07Guest:And then I got my driver's license again and moved here and started driving for Lyft very badly and

01:03:17Marc:Oh, so you had to preface each ride with like, I'm not sure where I'm going.

01:03:22Marc:Not great.

01:03:22Guest:They figured it out.

01:03:23Guest:They didn't need me to say anything.

01:03:25Guest:They figured out it was like breaking traffic laws that I didn't know existed.

01:03:28Marc:Were you working material?

01:03:31Guest:No.

01:03:31Guest:No, I was just like dying inside.

01:03:33Guest:It was pretty brutal.

01:03:34Guest:It was pretty.

01:03:34Guest:I mean, I think just moving here is hard at first.

01:03:37Marc:Going to meetings?

01:03:38Guest:Was I going to meetings?

01:03:40Guest:No, not really.

01:03:41Guest:Yes, sometimes.

01:03:42Marc:Okay, huh.

01:03:43Guest:Yeah, yes and no.

01:03:45Marc:But staying sober.

01:03:46Guest:Yeah.

01:03:47Marc:So what happens?

01:03:48Marc:What changes?

01:03:49Marc:How miserable were you by the time it shifted?

01:03:52Guest:I was pretty miserable, but I think that we just do it one day at a time by not giving up and not knowing how long it's going to take.

01:04:01Guest:Yeah.

01:04:02Guest:Like I think if in the beginning I had known how long it would take to go full time, no, I still would have done it.

01:04:07Marc:I just didn't have another choice.

01:04:08Marc:I was so consumed with spite, envy, and anger.

01:04:12Guest:Yeah.

01:04:13Marc:I don't know how I got it.

01:04:15Guest:Yeah, and then I got passed at the store.

01:04:18Marc:By Tommy?

01:04:19Guest:No, by Adam, yeah.

01:04:21Guest:And he put me on lights out and that was when, when I got passed at the store, that was when I quit my day job and just like crossed my fingers.

01:04:29Marc:Lights out, you mean last spot?

01:04:31Guest:No.

01:04:32Guest:I mean, Lights Out with David Spade on Comedy Central.

01:04:35Marc:Oh, he liked you.

01:04:37Marc:So you were on a panelist, regular?

01:04:39Guest:Yeah, I was on there like four times and had a fifth one coming up, but then the show got canceled during COVID.

01:04:46Marc:Huh, yeah.

01:04:47Guest:Yeah.

01:04:48Guest:I was supposed to be on it in April of 2020, but that didn't happen.

01:04:51Guest:Didn't happen?

01:04:52Marc:Oh.

01:04:55Marc:So that was the break?

01:04:55Marc:Did you get recognized from that?

01:04:57Marc:Like, did that...

01:04:58Guest:Well, I just I heard that you're supposed to quit your day job when you can no longer successfully do both.

01:05:05Guest:Like when you can't have a job and do stand up.

01:05:07Guest:Yeah.

01:05:08Guest:And when you get past at the store, as you know, you start doing like the 1 a.m.

01:05:13Guest:spots.

01:05:14Guest:They start you with the really late ones.

01:05:15Guest:And I had to wake up at six for work.

01:05:17Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:05:18Guest:And really the 1 a.m.

01:05:19Guest:slot can be like a 2 or 3 a.m.

01:05:21Guest:slot, depending on how far behind the show is running.

01:05:25Guest:So I just had to quit.

01:05:26Guest:And then the rest of it just fell into place.

01:05:29Marc:So you did those 1 a.m.s and those 2 a.m.s and those 3 a.m.s.

01:05:32Guest:Yeah.

01:05:32Marc:You were a trooper.

01:05:33Guest:Yeah.

01:05:34Marc:So you got... Where did you get... Did you do Montreal...

01:05:38Guest:Adam Egott.

01:05:39Guest:Adam Egott has put me in front of everyone who has had an impact on my career.

01:05:45Guest:Absolutely.

01:05:45Marc:Yeah.

01:05:46Marc:That's a good story.

01:05:47Marc:That's a good Adam Egott story.

01:05:48Guest:Yeah.

01:05:48Guest:He introduced me to all my agents, all my managers.

01:05:51Guest:Yeah.

01:05:52Marc:What a good Adam Egott story.

01:05:53Guest:Yeah.

01:05:54Guest:I only have good Adam Egott stories.

01:05:56Marc:He's concerned that there's not enough good Adam Egott stories.

01:05:59Guest:Oh, he's the best.

01:06:00Marc:Yeah.

01:06:00Marc:I like him.

01:06:01Guest:Yeah.

01:06:01Marc:I wish he would come back.

01:06:04Guest:Yeah.

01:06:05Guest:I want him to be happy.

01:06:07Guest:I was really sad for myself when he left, but I feel like Austin, I think he prefers it.

01:06:14Guest:And I think he needed to get out of Hollywood.

01:06:16Marc:I think he needed to get out of that fucking job.

01:06:20Marc:He did, but I do wish the best for him.

01:06:22Marc:I do like him.

01:06:25Marc:So he introduced you.

01:06:26Marc:That's great.

01:06:27Marc:That's a great story.

01:06:28Marc:And have you done a special?

01:06:33Guest:No.

01:06:35Marc:What TV shots have you done?

01:06:38Guest:Lights Out and Corden and the Comedy Store documentary and Laughs on Fox.

01:06:47Marc:What about, we gotta get you on Fallon.

01:06:49Marc:What's going on?

01:06:50Guest:Yeah, I would like to do that.

01:06:51Marc:You ready to go?

01:06:53Guest:What do you mean?

01:06:54Marc:You ready to do Fallon?

01:06:55Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:06:56Marc:I agree with you.

01:06:58Marc:What about fucking Kimmel?

01:06:59Guest:I would like to do that.

01:07:02Guest:I sent them a set.

01:07:05Guest:I sent the Tonight Show a set, but I said boobs in it, and so they didn't like that.

01:07:09Marc:They said they didn't like boobs?

01:07:11Guest:Yeah, they said they didn't like it that I said boobs.

01:07:14Marc:You should be on Fallon.

01:07:15Guest:I agree with you, I think I should, I think I deserve everything.

01:07:20Guest:I think I should be on everything.

01:07:21Marc:Colbert, I don't know, does he do stand-ups?

01:07:24Guest:I was told that they were fading that out, but then it seems like other people have gotten it, so maybe they just were fading out the idea of me being on the show.

01:07:34Guest:For stand-up sets?

01:07:36Guest:Yeah, I feel like I know people who've gotten it since then.

01:07:39Marc:What about like a special?

01:07:41Guest:Yeah, I feel incredibly ready.

01:07:43Guest:For an hour?

01:07:43Guest:Yeah.

01:07:44Marc:All right.

01:07:45Marc:Well, you want me to call or?

01:07:47Guest:Yeah, I do.

01:07:49Guest:I want everyone to call.

01:07:50Guest:if you could all show up at i don't know the king of hollywood's office at the same time and say how great i am you're being represented by the king of hollywood that was always my problem it's like you're the king of hollywood where's my stuff he told me i'm still waiting for him to call me back he told me a few weeks ago he was going to get me a netflix special and call me back but he hasn't called me back yeah yeah well let me know what happens with that so are you working tonight

01:08:16Guest:No, I'm not.

01:08:18Marc:I am.

01:08:19Guest:I am tomorrow.

01:08:20Guest:We're on a show together.

01:08:21Marc:Me and you?

01:08:22Guest:Mm-hmm.

01:08:22Marc:Okay.

01:08:23Guest:Yeah.

01:08:24Marc:That'll be fun.

01:08:24Marc:Yeah.

01:08:26Marc:Now that we know each other, I'm going to act different around you.

01:08:29Guest:Oh, okay.

01:08:29Guest:How so?

01:08:31Guest:Where was the condescending part?

01:08:32Guest:Also, I've been waiting for that.

01:08:34Marc:It wasn't condescending.

01:08:34Marc:It was just me going like, so what do you got with that?

01:08:36Marc:You got an hour?

01:08:37Marc:It's not really condescending.

01:08:38Guest:Oh, yeah.

01:08:38Marc:No, it's not condescending.

01:08:40Marc:It's not a comic.

01:08:40Guest:Condescending would be you don't have an hour.

01:08:44Guest:Condescending would be MP.

01:08:46Guest:I mean, someone said this just like people always think they're ready before they're ready.

01:08:50Guest:I'm like, you haven't even seen me do stand up.

01:08:52Marc:Well, you've been at it, what, eight?

01:08:53Marc:12.

01:08:54Marc:Oh, you ready?

01:08:55Guest:Yeah.

01:08:55Marc:If you're not ready at 12, then there's something wrong with you.

01:08:58Guest:Yeah.

01:08:58Marc:If you're not ready for at least the big TV shots, or an hour, you know what I mean?

01:09:04Marc:Yeah.

01:09:04Marc:But you've got a unique take, you've got a unique voice, you've got a way of doing it that's your own, it's great.

01:09:09Marc:Thank you.

01:09:10Marc:So that's different than just being like another person that can do it.

01:09:16Guest:Yeah.

01:09:17Marc:Yeah, and that's why all these people are behind you.

01:09:21Marc:That's why you got the big juice.

01:09:23Guest:Yeah.

01:09:24Guest:What?

01:09:25Guest:Well, the thing in my head that I was thinking is, do I have the big juice?

01:09:31Marc:You got all the big people.

01:09:32Marc:Yeah.

01:09:33Guest:Yeah.

01:09:33Marc:All right.

01:09:34Marc:Well, we'll see what happens.

01:09:35Marc:I'm rooting for you.

01:09:36Guest:Thank you.

01:09:36Marc:I'll do everything I can to help, which isn't much other than this.

01:09:40Guest:Thank you.

01:09:40Guest:This is very helpful.

01:09:42Marc:We'll see.

01:09:43Marc:But it was nice talking to you.

01:09:44Guest:Yeah, it was nice talking to you, too.

01:09:45Marc:And I'll see you tomorrow.

01:09:47Guest:I'll see you tomorrow.

01:09:53Marc:There you go.

01:09:54Marc:She was lovely.

01:09:55Marc:Lara Bites.

01:09:58Marc:Sorry, I just have to make sure I say it right.

01:10:01Marc:Again, she'll be at the Milwaukee Improv for six shows, June 23rd through the 26th.

01:10:06Marc:Her podcast, Slobs, is available on all podcast platforms.

01:10:11Marc:Go to wtfpod.com slash tour for all updated tour info about me.

01:10:16Marc:And here we go.

01:10:18Marc:Here's some mud.

01:10:19Marc:Here's some muddy guitar.

01:12:49Marc:Boomer lives.

01:12:52Marc:Monkey LaFonda.

01:12:56Marc:Cat angels everywhere.