Episode 127 - Aziz Ansari
Guest:Lock the gates!
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Really?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Are we doing this?
Guest:Wait for it.
Guest:Pow!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:And it's also, eh, what the fuck?
Guest:What's wrong with me?
Guest:It's time for WTF!
Guest:What the fuck?
Guest:With Marc Maron.
Marc:All right, let's do this.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:What the fuckers?
Marc:What the fuck buddies?
Marc:What the fucking ears?
Marc:What the fuck nicks?
Marc:What the fuck a knots?
Marc:What the fucking Thanksgiving is over.
Marc:It's over.
Marc:I'm out.
Marc:How are you?
Marc:This is Mark Marin.
Marc:This is WTF.
Marc:I am back at the cat ranch in Highland Park.
Marc:First off on the show today.
Marc:Comedy's golden boy, Aziz Ansari, in the garage.
Marc:We're going to talk to Aziz.
Marc:He's definitely a force to be reckoned with, so let's see if we can have a nice conversation.
Marc:Looking forward to that.
Marc:Oh, how about a little of this?
Marc:A little post-Thanksgiving...
Marc:Pow!
Marc:I just shit my pants.
Marc:I did.
Marc:I did.
Marc:That's a sign of the end of Thanksgiving.
Marc:JustCoffee.coop, available at WTFPod.com or JustCoffee.coop.
Marc:I'd like to thank Katie from Cat Fancy Magazine, a fan who sent me a shirt that says, Not Your Average Cat Lady.
Marc:I thought it would be a cute shirt to wear.
Marc:I didn't know it would be a woman's shirt.
Marc:Should have figured that out.
Marc:Not sure whether or not I'm going to be able to wear it.
Marc:It's unclear to me.
Marc:But I do appreciate the gesture.
Marc:I wanted the shirt.
Marc:Now I got the shirt.
Marc:So let's get to it, folks.
Marc:How was your Thanksgiving?
Marc:Mine, fine.
Marc:Thank you for asking.
Marc:Enough said.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Enough said.
Marc:My Thanksgiving was interesting as usual.
Marc:It was very well paced.
Marc:Went down there with good intentions.
Marc:Didn't lose my shit.
Marc:Brought Jessica down to meet the chaos.
Marc:To meet the core.
Marc:The vortex.
Marc:The spiraling, ungrounded, emotional.
Marc:fiesta that is my family i mean it's not as daunting as you might think i i went down i went to my mother's house in hollywood florida as some of you know i've grown to enjoy florida it seems like a a fine place to go at the end of your life or at the end of your rope or when you just you've just you're ready to to throw it all in all the chips are on the table this is what i got what do you got
Marc:Very interesting place.
Marc:But okay, Thanksgiving went as follows.
Marc:I did my thing.
Marc:I went food shopping.
Marc:I cooked for like 22 people.
Marc:Got the turkey going.
Marc:Got the sweet potatoes going.
Marc:Got the mashed potatoes going.
Marc:Got the stuffing, the special stuffing going.
Marc:Got everything going.
Marc:Timed it out perfectly.
Marc:No panic whatsoever.
Marc:No drama.
Marc:Very little drama.
Marc:Actually made a little time to actually connect with some of my family.
Marc:Talked to the kids, my little nephews.
Marc:And they're not nephews, are they?
Marc:What are they?
Marc:Second cousins?
Marc:My cousin's kids?
Marc:Are they second cousins once removed?
Marc:Or second cousins?
Marc:Or my cousin's kids?
Marc:I don't know.
Marc:Whatever the hell you want to call them.
Marc:Made a little time for everyone.
Marc:It was very pleasant.
Marc:I'm sad to say I have no real reportage here.
Marc:Nothing went that awry.
Marc:My my mother's boyfriend was irritating and annoying, but he's very pleasant guy.
Marc:My mother was not annoying.
Marc:I think it was because I left right at that point.
Marc:You know, the point where you're like, I'm about to tip.
Marc:I'm about to regress and fight the fight that I fought my entire life against this woman.
Marc:And I'm about to engage again.
Marc:And I decided, don't do that.
Marc:Fight with your girlfriend instead.
Marc:That's a good idea.
Marc:Jess and I were doing fine two or three days.
Marc:Then something went wrong.
Marc:I misunderstood something.
Marc:Something was said casually that ended up in a fairly long dramatic fight where we both ended up outside trying to talk her down.
Marc:It was very exciting.
Marc:We've got bug bite scars to show.
Marc:It's interesting when you're actually in a fight in Florida outdoors where you have to say, look, can we take the crying and yelling inside because I'm getting bitten up.
Marc:Are you getting bitten up?
Marc:I mean, can't we just take it inside?
Marc:But it was fine.
Marc:Everything was good.
Marc:But as I said, here's the normal things happen.
Marc:We make this amazing dinner.
Marc:And immediately after dinner, my mother starts throwing things away, throwing full tubs of gravy, pieces of turkey stuffing in the garbage.
Marc:I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up.
Marc:We're going to be here another day.
Marc:We might want to eat this.
Marc:All right.
Marc:So we salvage some of that.
Marc:Oh, one of the key moments of inappropriateness came.
Marc:My mother's boyfriend, John, had hired a couple of, I believe they were Colombian, a man and a woman to
Marc:to clean up as dinner went along and to serve some drinks.
Marc:Fine.
Marc:So we're cleaning up.
Marc:They're cleaning up.
Marc:Dinner's over.
Marc:My mother picks up this turkey carcass.
Marc:There was nothing left, no meat on it or anything, and turns to the woman, who I believe is Colombian, and says, do you want to take this home?
Marc:The woman, of course, looked confused.
Marc:My mother said, for soup, you make the soup with it.
Marc:Now, I think it was a little bit of racial insensitivity.
Marc:Apparently, my mother had had some experience with a woman who took a turkey carcass home to make soup with.
Marc:But I found it to be just short of saying, don't you people use these things?
Marc:There was a standard Jewish parade at the Thanksgiving.
Marc:I can't say that after a certain point, I got a little exhausted.
Marc:I wanted to relax.
Marc:I did go into the ocean.
Marc:We took a walk on the boardwalk in Hollywood with the many Germans and French Canadians.
Marc:That seemed to come there.
Marc:We picked up some shells because you have to pick up shells.
Marc:We looked at the shells.
Marc:You know, I don't know.
Marc:Does somebody come along in the morning and get all the good shells?
Marc:Are there such a thing as good shells anymore?
Marc:You know, you see shells in the gift shop and you wonder, is there a special farm for good shells?
Marc:Because we were there and we thoroughly went through the sand.
Marc:And not one complete whole shell that I could listen to or say, this is fucking amazing.
Marc:You settle for cute shells and pieces of shells, pieces of glass.
Marc:You sort through the garbage.
Marc:Portuguese men of war, whatever.
Marc:But someone's taking the good shells.
Marc:I want to know who the fuck it is.
Marc:If I go to Florida, there's no reason I can't get a nice shell.
Marc:One nice shell.
Marc:You find one nice shell, maybe two nice shells in a lifetime.
Marc:Then you hold on to it.
Marc:You're like, I found this when I was seven.
Marc:That was the last time I saw a fucking good shell.
Marc:Everything has changed.
Marc:The shells are going away.
Marc:You never hear that.
Marc:What's happening to the good shells?
Marc:Who's stealing the shells?
Marc:Is it because the ocean is dying and no little shell creature is living that long?
Marc:I don't fucking know, but I get very disappointed.
Marc:I get frustrated, and then I start thinking, you know what?
Marc:It's a ripoff.
Marc:Because someone came before us and took all the fucking good shells, and that's bullshit.
Marc:It's unfair.
Marc:I'm copying a resentment towards this mythological shell-stealing fuck that I've made up in my head that gets there and ruins the fun for children of all ages, myself included, to find one good shell.
Marc:Not one.
Marc:I did go in the water, and I was able to stay in for probably eight or nine minutes before panic set in, and I saw another mythological creature, the shark just beneath the surface.
Marc:That you don't see the dorsal fin, but you know it's working there.
Marc:In my mind, I go into the ocean.
Marc:Just 10 feet away, there are sea monsters.
Marc:I mean, large beasts.
Marc:Things you only saw pictures of.
Marc:You know, the things that you see like the serpent wrapped around the boat before people knew that that was impossible.
Marc:Who those though?
Marc:I still don't know it's not possible that there's something that size working there.
Marc:I can't go into a fucking pool at night.
Marc:That's how I am.
Marc:Jaws fucked me up.
Marc:All right, so the morning after Thanksgiving, then the real throwing away festival begins.
Marc:We couldn't even, we barely got a meal in before my mother started throwing everything in the garbage disposal.
Marc:Everything goes right down the garbage disposal.
Marc:And then I tweeted that because I'm an idiot.
Marc:And then people were saying, well, what about homeless people?
Marc:What, are you going to show up with homeless people seeing if they'll make soup out of a fucking picked over turkey carcass?
Marc:You're going to show up at a homeless shelter with a Tupperware container full of half filled with gravy that's three days old?
Marc:I don't think they're going to take that.
Marc:I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
Marc:I had a nice time.
Marc:I think if I would have stayed longer, there would have been a little more drama.
Marc:But most of the three days we're there were spent cooking.
Marc:uh, we're, we're, we're spent with my mother preemptively saying like, do you have everything like expecting something to happen?
Marc:And then with her boyfriend completely obsessed over whether or not he made the right decision with the refrigerator that he was going to buy for cheap, you know, insisting, you know, it was like, he thought it was a good deal.
Marc:And then maybe it's not a good deal.
Marc:And then got him on consumer reports and over and over again with that.
Marc:We got the wrong refrigerator.
Marc:We're fucked.
Marc:We're, I don't know if it's a Jewish thing, but as soon as you make a shopping decision, uh,
Marc:As soon as you decide to buy something, within seconds, before you even actually purchase it, you're like, I got the shit one.
Marc:It's the same with the shells.
Marc:Someone's taking all the good refrigerators and all the good shells.
Marc:And I don't even know if they have refrigerator boxes anymore for people to live in if that's necessary.
Marc:Shells, refrigerator boxes, refrigerators.
Marc:Something's going on.
Marc:Something is going on.
Marc:But I was grateful.
Marc:I am getting to an age where I'm just happy that these people are alive.
Marc:I got to see my family.
Marc:I'm grateful that they're still alive.
Marc:And I'm grateful to have the opportunity to go back and at least for three days believe in my mind that I'm not going to be like that.
Marc:That's what Thanksgiving's for is for you to lie to yourself for long enough.
Marc:I think this is the way it usually happens.
Marc:You go and you're like, I'm never going to be like these people.
Marc:I've got a few of their traits.
Marc:I have some similarities, but I'm not going to be this bad.
Marc:And then ultimately what happens is that they pass on and then you lose track for the five or 10 years and then you're like them, but you no longer have a point of reference to
Marc:So you don't really know it.
Marc:You just sit around going, thank God I didn't I didn't end up like them.
Marc:Am I right?
Marc:You're not going to eat this, right?
Marc:Let's just throw it down the disposal.
Marc:What the hell kind of refrigerator is this?
Marc:I can't.
Marc:Why did I buy this?
Marc:But see, your point of references are gone because you can't go visit them anymore.
Marc:And then just it goes on and on like that.
Marc:Generation after generation after generation.
Marc:People unhappy with refrigerators, unable to find shells.
Marc:Do you put stuff on a hard drive, though?
Marc:No, I just use a time machine.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:See, a lot of times, depending on how freaked out I am, I'll put it on two separate different hard drives.
Marc:You can stick those cans on and move that thing to your face.
Marc:Check, check.
Marc:Check, check.
Marc:One, two, Aziz Ansari in the...
Marc:In the garage here at the cat ranch with computer problems.
Marc:So what'd you lose?
Guest:Wait, real quick, is it really... Did you say cat ranch?
Guest:I'm allergic to cats.
Marc:They're not in here.
Guest:Okay, good.
Marc:You should be okay.
Marc:They're in my house.
Guest:If a cat wanders in, I'll be dead in like a minute.
Marc:That bad?
Marc:No.
Guest:I don't think that exists.
Guest:That would be a horrible thing.
Guest:The chances of running into a cat are so high, you'd be dead very quickly.
Marc:Well, people with those nut allergies, man, they can go down.
Marc:People with almond allergies or peanut allergies, their throats swell up.
Marc:It's fucking awful.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Marc:That's why you see all those panicky labels of like, we don't know if there was peanuts involved here.
Marc:Have you ever seen those?
Marc:This was made in an area where there may be peanuts.
Guest:A peanut may have been hanging out here a few years back before we opened up the spot.
Guest:So we're not responsible.
Guest:We're warning you.
Marc:There may have been peanuts here.
Marc:So you have cat allergies, man.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Is that the only one?
Guest:It's cats and hazelnuts.
Guest:No.
Guest:Hazelnuts, yeah.
Marc:Are you serious?
Marc:You've got a nut one.
Guest:Yeah, just hazelnuts though.
Guest:I'll eat almonds and all that stuff.
Guest:And even that, it's not even a big allergy.
Guest:If I eat Nutella, I have the sniffles for the rest of the day.
Guest:It's not a huge deal.
Marc:It's not life-threatening?
Guest:Yeah, so if I was really into hazelnuts, I could still have it and just pay the price a little bit.
Guest:Well, thank God.
Guest:It's not like one of those, oh, he had a grape and he died type situations.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Marc:Hazelnuts, of all fucking things.
Marc:I don't even know what it is.
Marc:I'm not even sure I've eaten.
Marc:I don't know if I've eaten a hazelnut.
Marc:That's Nutella?
Guest:Hazelnuts and Nutella and certain desserts.
Marc:Oh, okay.
Marc:Well, that's not going to happen.
Marc:Oh, yeah.
Marc:He's going to flavor coffees?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Wow, see, these are some facts that people just didn't know about you, Aziz.
Guest:Already, this is covering new ground.
Guest:No one's ever asking about allergies.
Guest:It's always, oh, so how'd you start doing comedy?
Guest:Oh, never, so tell us about your allergies.
Marc:Yeah, no, this is all gonna be dietary.
Marc:Like, what'd you have for breakfast?
Marc:Do you eat a good breakfast every day?
Guest:I try to eat pretty healthy.
Guest:Today I had some oatmeal with some berries and bananas.
Marc:No hazelnuts.
Marc:Walnuts?
Marc:Nope.
Marc:Just berries and bananas?
Guest:Just berries and bananas.
Marc:You made it yourself?
Guest:Well, I made it at the show.
Guest:I was at Parks and Recreation, just made it there.
Marc:Do they have a trailer there for that?
Marc:Or maybe it's craft services?
Guest:I request an oatmeal trailer.
Guest:No.
Guest:Yeah, they have the craft services.
Marc:Did you have a choice between biscuits and gravy?
Marc:How good is the craft services over there at Parks and Rec?
Guest:Well, for breakfast, I usually eat either that or I have, like, they have, like, peaches and cottage cheese.
Guest:I eat that.
Guest:That's pretty healthy.
Guest:Holy shit.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:What else do I eat?
Guest:I've seen cereal and stuff.
Guest:We don't have, like, an omelet truck or anything like that.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Well, that sucks.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Are you an omelet guy, though, in general?
Guest:i like uh i liked it i like variety you know so it's like you know uh in this the summer i was shooting this movie in michigan they had like the full like you know the truck with like where you could just those trucks are awesome it's like you just you can just think they're like oh whatever you want just mention oh i'll have french toast and yeah two eggs with you know and they'll slice a prime rib yeah they'll find they'll find it yeah and it's so good what was that movie
Guest:Uh, it's this movie called 30 Minutes or Less.
Guest:Um, and it's, uh, uh, myself and, uh, Jesse Eisenberg, uh, and Danny McBride and, uh, Nick Swartzen.
Guest:And it's from the guy that directed Zombieland, Ruben Fleischer.
Marc:Oh yeah?
Guest:And, uh, yeah, we shot it this summer.
Guest:It was really fun.
Marc:Yeah, I think that guy McBride's fucking hilarious.
Guest:He's so funny.
Guest:Yeah, the only bummer was that, so me and Jesse are kind of the good guys in the movie, and Danny and Schwarzenegger are kind of the bad guys, so me and McBride's characters never said anything to each other.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Did you hang out off set, though, off camera?
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:I've known him for a little bit, and so we're friends with each other, so we hung out a little bit here and there.
Marc:Now, this is going to be an amazing accomplishment for me.
Marc:I mean, I don't know you that well, but I don't think I've seen you without looking at your cell phone for more than four minutes.
Marc:Now, are you feeling uncomfortable?
Guest:Oh, man.
Guest:Yeah, I'm pretty bad about that stuff.
Guest:Yeah, I always look at my phone.
Marc:I mean, every time I've seen you, even at a party,
Marc:I mean, in Montreal, dude, I saw you and it's like, how's it going?
Marc:You're like, good.
Marc:Just the phone, man.
Guest:What are you doing on the phone?
Guest:Are you tweeting?
Guest:I'm probably just emailing people just saying, I'm so alone.
Guest:Come help me, please.
Guest:I'm so alone in this room full of 500 people.
Guest:No one's talking to me.
Guest:I have nothing to say to anybody.
Guest:People are probably judging me for looking at my phone right now.
Marc:No, that would never happen.
Guest:Now, when you, I didn't realize it.
Guest:Where'd you grow up?
Guest:I grew up in South Carolina.
Guest:I don't remember where Zach is from, did you?
Guest:He's from North Carolina.
Marc:Okay, so you guys didn't know each other.
Guest:No, we didn't know each other.
Guest:There's a few people from South Carolina.
Guest:You know Rob Hubel, he's from South Carolina.
Marc:And you worked with him, right?
Guest:Yeah, we worked together, but in New York, not in South Carolina.
Guest:I didn't do any comedy in South Carolina.
Marc:Did you know him growing up, though?
Guest:No, no, no.
Guest:He's a little bit older and lived in a different part of the state.
Guest:Who else?
Guest:Stephen Colbert from South Carolina.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:I never knew him then.
Marc:Now, when you grew up, now, see, I don't know anything about your background.
Marc:I don't think anybody really does because you don't, I mean, you're obviously from an Indian background.
Guest:Yes, yeah.
Marc:But you don't address it at all.
Guest:Um, I never, I mean, I don't like shy away from it, but I don't make it a big part of my stand-up or anything.
Guest:I don't do like a lot of like ethnic type jokes or anything.
Guest:I kind of just talk about myself.
Marc:Is that, did you have that, was that a decision you made?
Guest:uh yeah i think like pretty early on i was like uh you know i don't want to be a guy that's like doing like indian voices and stuff like that it just didn't seem like what i wanted to do i thought it would be and you don't have better no i mean but i could do the impression and and if i did i would i would be selling out stadiums aren't you now you're selling out pretty good aren't you yeah no i'm doing well
Marc:Without the Indian voice.
Marc:Without it, yeah.
Marc:But you could be selling out stadiums internationally if you did the Indian voice.
Guest:Yes, exactly.
Guest:Wait a couple of months.
Guest:After I finish this tour and I have to write another hour, I'm going to be like, ooh, might be time to dip into that Indian voice.
Guest:Finally!
Guest:People around the world are going, Aziz has come back to his roots!
Guest:Did you grow up with the Indian accent?
Guest:No.
Guest:I mean, I grew up in South Carolina, so I actually had a really thick southern accent growing up.
Guest:When I was a little kid, I saw a video of me when I was in third grade.
Guest:I was in a spelling bee.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And you see this tiny kid, way smaller than all the other kids.
Guest:because kids in South Carolina are generally very big and Indian children are generally small.
Guest:And I walk up and they're like, all right, state your school and what grade you're in and your name.
Guest:And then I walk up and I'm like, my name's Aziz Ansari.
Guest:I'm in third grade.
Guest:I'm from Marlboro Academy.
Guest:And it just looks ridiculous.
Guest:It's like someone dubbed it because it's just like this tiny brown child that sounds like...
Guest:You know, a 40-year-old guy that works at a gas station in McCall, South Carolina.
Marc:That's fucking hilarious.
Marc:But your parents don't speak?
Marc:Are they first generation or second generation?
Guest:They were both born in India.
Guest:So I was first generation born here.
Guest:And, you know, they have a...
Guest:They have a little bit of an Indian accent.
Guest:Or they stunned when you were like, hi, y'all.
Guest:Hey, mom.
Guest:That must have been so weird.
Guest:They never mentioned it?
Guest:Even their accent got a little bit Southern.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Whenever we would see their relatives in Indian stuff, they're like, oh, your voice sounds all weird.
Guest:Oh, that's hilarious.
Guest:The same way American people would do a version of Indian accents, Indian people will do what they think white people are.
Guest:It's like, oh, you sound like... Yeah.
Guest:That was always like the white impression.
Guest:Of Indian talk?
Guest:Yeah, that's an Indian person in India talking like how they think white people sound like.
Marc:That's amazing.
Marc:Well, I have that, too, though.
Marc:I mean, if I go somewhere long enough, like if I'm in New York for a while, I'll start talking a little bit of a New York accent.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marc:But I can't imagine what the Indian-Southern hybrid sounds like.
Guest:Yeah, it's weird.
Guest:Yeah, and when I go, if I'm in South Carolina and I talk to someone that has a South Carolina accent, it'll start coming back a little bit.
Marc:Yeah, well, I imagine it would.
Marc:I mean, you grew up there.
Marc:That's fucking, that's bizarre.
Marc:So did you have to consciously get rid of that?
Yeah.
Guest:You know, as I kind of moved around, I moved to different parts of South Carolina even and lost it some.
Guest:And then when I moved to New York, I went to college in New York and was there for like eight years.
Guest:And then it was, you know, it was gone.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, it still comes out in certain words here and there, but, you know, it's generally gone.
Marc:Where'd you go to college?
Marc:I went to NYU.
Marc:And you were, how'd you get to know, like, because you did, well, you did what?
Marc:You did Human Giant?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:With, I just, I talked to Shearer in here.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Marc:I've talked to Kroll.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And did you guys go to school together?
Yeah.
Guest:No, I mean, I was doing comedy while I was going to college, and then, you know, after I'd been doing it a few years, I started doing stuff at the UCB Theater.
Guest:Right, right, right.
Guest:And there I met Rob and Paul, and you remember that show Crash Test that I used to do?
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:At the UCB Theater in New York, I think you did it a few times, like...
Guest:that show i'd have like different co-hosts and so like the first time i did it rob co-hosted it with me and then the second time i did it um sheer co-hosted it with me and uh i just got along really well with those guys and then we started making some short films with this guy jason walner right yeah yeah yeah and then uh from those short films um mtv kind of gave us the opportunity to do the show
Guest:What did you study in college?
Guest:I went to the business school.
Guest:I didn't really know what I wanted to do, so I was like, oh, maybe I'll just study business that is kind of a broad thing.
Guest:Maybe I can start some sort of business or something like that.
Marc:Was there pressure from your family?
Guest:No, not really.
Guest:I mean, they were always pretty supportive.
Guest:It was like, oh, do what's interesting to you.
Guest:And NYU had a good business school when I got in, so I was like, oh, I'll do that.
Guest:But I had no idea about the culture there.
Guest:There's this whole...
Guest:all these finance majors that are really intense about getting jobs at Goldman Sachs or whatever.
Guest:I literally did not know what Goldman Sachs was.
Guest:I got into the business school, didn't know what Goldman Sachs was.
Guest:They're the ones that bankrupted the world.
Guest:Yeah, they're all terrible people.
Guest:So yeah, I just did that and then
Guest:You know, I started doing comedy like the summer of my freshman year, and then, you know, I almost transferred to Tisch a couple of times, and then I was too lazy to put together.
Guest:For theater?
Guest:Yeah, I was gonna do like, you know, the film and television program or something like that.
Guest:And then, yeah, around like my sophomore year, I'd been doing comedy for a while, and I was just like, you know, I think like if I push this, I'll be able to at least like, you know, make something out of just stand-up.
Guest:Like I didn't ever think about acting or anything at that point, but...
Guest:So I just did a marketing major because it was really easy.
Marc:Marketing is a super easy major, so I just did that.
Marc:Did you have a job inside television?
Marc:Did you work as an intern or a page or something?
Guest:Yeah, I think the summer of my junior year it was, I interned at The Daily Show.
Guest:Okay, that's it.
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:Because I had heard stories that you were running around trying to sell Google ad space.
Guest:No, well I did, I had like a internet business that I started with a friend of mine.
Guest:In college?
Guest:In college, yeah.
Guest:And what was that?
Guest:It was this weird thing that we figured out where, okay, so you know when you search for like, if you search digital camera on Google, there's like these little ads that come up.
Guest:On the side.
Guest:That say like, oh, buy a digital camera or whatever.
Guest:And so I remember seeing those ads.
Guest:And then there's also this thing on Amazon
Guest:where it's called like, like if you put like on your website, if you put like a link to your CD on Amazon, you can put a little code in there that says, oh, this came from Marc Maron's website, so they'll give you a kickback of a certain percentage.
Guest:So I was like, oh, what if you put that kind of, that program, it's called the Associates Program or something, and use it to put it in those Google Ads, so when you search Google Ads,
Guest:digital cameras is buy a digital camera on Amazon.
Guest:And then it has a little code saying, hey, Aziz and this guy are the ones that put that ad and then Amazon will give you a kickback.
Guest:And those Google ads, the way it works is like each time someone clicks on it, you pay like a nickel or something like that.
Guest:So as long as your kickbacks were, you know, those are your revenues and then your costs are just the ad space, the ads.
Guest:And so we just started doing that.
Guest:Start selling ad space.
Guest:Or buying ads, rather.
Guest:I was never walking around, hey, wanna buy some Google Ad Space?
Guest:That job doesn't exist.
Guest:But we would buy that.
Guest:So what you would do is you would buy the keywords.
Guest:You'd buy digital camera.
Guest:And that would say, okay, that costs 10 cents a click.
Guest:So each time someone clicks, when they see your ad, you pay 10 cents.
Guest:And then if like...
Guest:one of those people buys a camera, then you get like three or four dollars.
Guest:And so you just have to look at it and make sure you're making a profit.
Guest:And so we just did that with, you just buy a bunch of keywords and do a mess.
Guest:And so.
Marc:And that was your business?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:You still make money from that?
Guest:No, I stopped doing it a long time ago.
Guest:I did it for a couple years around junior, senior college.
Marc:And none of those ads are up anymore, though?
Guest:No, it's all long gone.
Guest:Oh, man.
Guest:Did you make good money?
Guest:Yeah, I mean, I made enough.
Guest:It was like instead of doing a summer job, I made my money from that.
Marc:See, I got this.
Marc:Somehow in my mind, I thought you'd put together this internet empire.
Yeah.
Guest:It was this big secret you had.
Guest:No, no, yeah, that'd be great.
Guest:It's like, man, Aziz is actually like a billionaire.
Guest:It's like Bill Gates.
Guest:And he's doing okay in comedy.
Marc:And then I guess I saw the, I remember when the Spin Magazine, wasn't it Spin where they had a picture of you or Rolling Stone?
Marc:Rolling Stone, you were picked as the guy, right, for a while?
Guest:Yeah, they have that hot list or whatever and they pick someone to be a hot comic.
Guest:And what year was that?
Guest:I don't know, probably 2006, 2005.
Marc:And that's when you really started to take off?
Guest:Yeah, I guess so.
Guest:I mean, that was a cool thing to get, kind of a national magazine writing about you.
Marc:Yeah, and I guess I always picture you as a pretty ambitious guy.
Marc:And when I talk to people, they're like, you definitely were hitting the pavement with your show in New York, handing out flyers, doing that shit.
Marc:You really wanted it pretty bad, right?
Marc:Because I never could hand out flyers.
Guest:Oh, my God.
Guest:I mean, I did that when I was, like, first starting out.
Guest:Like, you know, when I think back about it, I'm like, man, how did I do that?
Guest:Because, like, if, like, I had to start comedy, like, today, and they're like, oh, yeah, you know, you can go pass out flyers in Times Square, like, on Fridays and do spots for, like, 50 tourists.
Guest:Like, you can do that.
Guest:I would be like, no, no thanks.
Guest:No thanks at all.
Guest:But I used to do that.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:I mean, I guess, like, you know, I was talking to someone about it the other day.
Guest:I guess, like,
Guest:The enjoyment I got out of, like, doing a good set was enough to where I didn't care about, you know, passing out flyers for stage time.
Guest:I mean, this, I did that for, like, you know, like, this is, like, the first year I was doing comedy.
Marc:Was that, like, at Ha?
Marc:Or which club made you do that?
Guest:That was Ha Comedy Club.
Guest:Right.
Guest:And did you hear, like, there was, that place eventually got crazy, where, like, they were making, like, comics, like, clean the toilets and stuff.
Guest:No, I know, yeah.
Guest:There was, like, a, it was, like, a, was it a New Yorker article or something about it, but.
Guest:i think there was a general piece about yeah about coming up in comedy nasty yeah and it made it seem like that was the only game in town right no no no no yeah yeah i did that for like a couple months and then you know i got passed at the at the comic strip and once i got passed there i was like all right well i'm passed at a club a club has said yeah and uh uh you know okay you can work at this club so it's like all right well i'm never doing the flower thing again and so i never did it
Guest:it's pretty it's pretty humiliating yeah it's it's the worst and it's weird like psychologically it does kind of like i was talking to someone about this like you know when you pass out a flyer like that and then people say no like you think like oh i don't care but psychologically eventually it takes it's told that that negative energy that comes at you non-stop like everyone that passes you hates you yeah like no one's like oh cool guy's passing out a flyer doing his thing whatever no it's like fuck this guy
Guest:And then you also feel bad because you know you're sending them to a pretty bad show.
Guest:Here, come to this show that's probably going to be bad.
Guest:I mean, I'm going to do my best, and I think you may enjoy me.
Guest:There's a chance.
Guest:But I'm pretty sure most of the other guys, you're not going to enjoy it very much at all.
Marc:There's 20 other guys in this dump that they're calling a comedy club something.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Hey, is there anyone I can trick you to come into this show?
Guest:Hey, is there anyone I can trick you?
Guest:Yeah, they've all been on the Letterman show.
Marc:Did you recognize people?
Marc:Like, did you ever have an experience where you're on stage and you could see the people that you fly?
Guest:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Marc:And they're disappointed?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, I was never really good at that stuff.
Guest:I was never good at actually converting people to coming.
Guest:Some guys would, like, really get into that.
Guest:It's like, man, I don't know if you should really be focusing on your flyer game so much.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:What happened to you, man?
Guest:You know, the comedy didn't work out, but I'm still flying really well.
Guest:Now I'm doing Broadway shows.
Guest:Just flying.
Guest:I'm not performing in them.
Marc:I'm one of the best flyering people in this city.
Guest:Oh, that's hilarious.
Guest:God, I can't believe I did that.
Guest:I mean, that is like...
Guest:The worst.
Guest:It's like, hey, it's really asking someone, hey, do you want to stand in the worst part of New York and have people hate you for a couple hours?
Marc:That's really what it is.
Marc:With every time you put your hand out, hate me.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So how did you, so when you started out, you never did like flyer shows, you just kind of, and what made me stop was like, I got past the comic strip, but then I also like started finding out about, and this is after I'd been doing it a couple years, like shows like.
Guest:The alternative show.
Guest:Yeah, like, you know, Eugene's show, Invite Them Up.
Guest:That was like, you know, by the time I was like,
Guest:okay enough to do shows like that, like Luna Lounge had passed, but Invite Them Up was like, when I first started doing that, that was like the big deal to me.
Marc:It's very interesting, so you came into it like the mainstream comedy way in New York.
Marc:I didn't have to do that because by the time I was... You were in Boston, right?
Marc:No, yeah, I was in Boston for a while, San Francisco, but in New York.
Marc:But by the time I was established, I mean, that shit, it didn't really exist.
Marc:I mean, Boston comedy, you'd fly her out in front of clubs.
Marc:I never did that.
Marc:But there were guys that did it, you know, doormen and stuff.
Marc:But I never did it.
Marc:But, like, it seemed that by the time you started, the way you get on stage, if you weren't locking into the alternative rooms in that clique then,
Marc:It was to do hard to try to audition the comic strip because I would imagine a lot of guys that came up in those alternative rooms.
Marc:They can't play the strip or they couldn't play the strip at that time.
Marc:I mean, that's a pretty mainstream outlet.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:I mean, that's what was kind of cool about the strip is because they had like this kind of lottery where it's like if you just show up whenever they have that lottery, you will get a Monday.
Guest:and then you'll get to do it like you'll get to do it and and and uh you had the time it was illusion was still there and um you know and he uh he's losing hold he passed away but he used to run the comedy strip yeah comic strip yeah he was a guy that you'd audition for sure and he would uh you know pass you or whatever and so i did that and uh that was like it just seemed really cool that i was like oh okay you can do this and this guy will watch you and give you a fair shot and he passed you
Guest:Yeah, he did.
Guest:And he was really nice.
Guest:And, you know, I would just go there and hang out and do the late night spots or whatever.
Guest:But I didn't really know about that alternative scene.
Guest:I think it was still kind of coming up, you know.
Guest:But now it seems like there's so many, like, if you start out, you don't have to pass out flowers at all.
Guest:It seems like there's so many, like, small rooms and bars and stuff.
Marc:Yeah, where you can perform for comics.
Guest:True, but still, like, but it seems like there's even more.
Guest:Oh, yeah, no, it's big now.
Guest:Better, yeah.
Marc:But it's just interesting to me that, you know, that, because, I mean, the comic strip really is about as mainstream as you can get.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So, like, your idea of what comedy was was fairly specifically just being a stand-up.
Marc:It wasn't like, you know, I'm going to play for like-minded people in small little rooms.
Guest:No, I didn't.
Guest:When I found out, like, about, like, you know, shows like Invite Them Up, it was like, oh, this is amazing.
Guest:There's, like, people that are more like me that are younger people or my age.
Guest:It's not like bachelorette parties.
Guest:You know, I remember, like...
Guest:You know, I used to talk to, like, Todd Berry about it all the time, and he always would make the point of, like, oh, you know, definitely do those rooms, but also still do the clubs so you can kind of, you know, the trick is to play both.
Guest:And, I mean, you were another person I would see at both places.
Guest:I remember I used to go...
Guest:I mean, I used to go to the comedy cellar all the time, and I'd see, like, you and Attell and all those guys.
Guest:And then I would see you at Luna Lounge every now and then, and Todd's another guy.
Guest:I would see bounce back and forth, Louie.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so that's what I always kind of wanted to do, is be able to bounce back and forth.
Marc:Yeah, but also, like, you know, you're, like, you know, a real comic in that.
Marc:You're always... You got...
Marc:You're very efficient with laughs.
Marc:You write jokes.
Marc:You know, you don't waste a lot of time up there.
Marc:I mean, I think the big difference between starting in an alternative venue and starting and actually, you know, in a paid comedy room is that, you know, you kind of learn the job.
Marc:Whereas like when you start in an alternative room, sometimes people will go on and on and on and they don't have any real structure or format to it.
Guest:Yeah, it might be a little bit too loose to start out with.
Guest:I think if you started in a comedy club, it might be a little better in that they're not really there to see you fuck around and figure shit out.
Guest:They paid a lot of money.
Guest:You think about now I've been doing this tour and tickets at some of these theaters, they can be pretty expensive, be like 40, 50 bucks.
Guest:But you think about a comedy club, it's like, okay, $25 cover, two drinks, that can be like 60 bucks.
Guest:Two people spend 100 bucks.
Guest:Yeah, that's really expensive.
Guest:If you're playing at a club, like, people are spending a lot of money.
Guest:They don't want to see some dude fucking around at all.
Guest:With his notebook?
Guest:Yeah, it's like, hold on, let me see what I got.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:So you never did that?
Guest:What?
Marc:Noodled around up there, you know, wasted people's time.
Marc:Was there always part of your brain?
Guest:Well, not at a comedy club, but, you know, like, that was kind of the vibe, but, like, somewhere, like, invite them up.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:It was almost kind of expected.
Guest:Like, people kind of actually enjoyed seeing that, you know, kind of seeing the processes.
Marc:Well, seeing you now, because I think that you're sort of like this guy that if you don't know, you're like, who is that guy?
Marc:And to see you sort of show some vulnerability.
Marc:I remember the last time I saw you was at Liam McEnany's show in that little teeny place.
Guest:Oh, yeah.
Marc:Bring your friends or whatever.
Marc:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:What's it called?
Guest:Is that what it's called?
Guest:Tell your friends, yeah, yeah.
Marc:Tell your friends, because you were trying to put together the material for the new tour.
Marc:Yeah, yeah.
Marc:And you were just working through shit.
Guest:Yeah, I was just doing that.
Guest:The other day, I was like at a, you know, like it's so funny.
Guest:Like I was just like, you know, on like last Monday,
Guest:I went and did two open mics in L.A.
Guest:because I want to work on new stuff.
Guest:Where else are you going to do it?
Guest:It doesn't matter how you can sell a theater out in Milwaukee or whatever.
Guest:If you want to work on new stuff and you're in L.A., you're going to go do the same open mics that anyone else would do.
Guest:It's kind of cool that no matter what happens...
Guest:That's what I think is cool about stand-up.
Guest:It's like, you know, whenever I finish this tour I'm doing, I'm just like, I'm at zero.
Guest:I have nothing.
Guest:You know, like when I record that special for the new material, it's like I have nothing.
Guest:And it's like, all right, well, I'm at the same spot.
Guest:Anyone else's that's doing comedy, I've got to like work my way up and like get those big jokes again because it's all gone, you know.
Marc:So you think that's your work ethic?
Marc:You're like, Louie, you ditch it all?
Guest:I mean, that's what I did.
Guest:The last special I did came out in January.
Guest:And that was an hour?
Guest:And that was an hour special.
Guest:And then I recorded it in July of last year.
Guest:And then August of last year, I started working on new material.
Guest:And it's still evolving.
Guest:So you haven't done the second hour yet?
Guest:I haven't recorded it yet.
Guest:The thing that's kind of... Since I'm filming Parks and Recreation, and then I did this movie, I haven't had like a...
Guest:enough time to just focus so much on stand-up to get it to the spot like i totally wanted to but yeah i gotta figure out when i'll record it and stuff but yeah i'd like to do what louis does i mean because i think otherwise you know i think people get bummed out if you go back and you can't come back to like a theater in chicago and then do a large chunk of last hour because it's like oh well yeah i saw that last time yeah people's expectations have certainly changed because there were guys and i think it was always a liability when i started that you know basically did the same hour for like 10 years
Marc:yeah but i mean even if they didn't put it out like wouldn't people like wouldn't the same people come and be like hey he did that the past four years i wonder if the expectations were different i mean i think some people just like seeing jokes that they they know as well but not like music i mean after a certain point it's like oh fuck yeah because people i could tell you know they you know they go out and people are yelling jokes too that they want to hear i mean people i mean even from the one special i've done people yell out stuff and uh
Guest:Yeah, I talked to Louis about that, and he told me what he does is he'll come out and do an encore, and then in that, he would do a couple of things.
Guest:A few things that they like.
Guest:So I started doing that a little bit, and then it would end on some new stuff or whatever.
Guest:And that works?
Guest:Yeah, that seems to work.
Guest:And another thing is kind of doing new jokes about things people know.
Guest:People yell about my cousin Harris is something I've talked about in my stand-up act, so I'll tell news stories about my cousin Harris.
Guest:And he's a real guy?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Totally real, yeah, totally real.
Marc:I can't remember what was the, because I heard you do one of them.
Marc:What was the weird thing, something he posted on his Facebook or something?
Guest:Yeah, I mean basically he's just like this really weird kid.
Guest:He's just like very weird and he's just kind of chubby and that was kind of what fascinates me.
Guest:And he remains weird?
Guest:He remains very weird.
Guest:How old is he?
Guest:Now he's like 15 or 16, I think.
Guest:He always is forever like 14 and chubby in my head, but now he's like 16 and he's hit a growth spurt.
Guest:I think he's probably skinny now, sadly.
Marc:Now, when you started, like, it seemed to me like, I remember some of the criticism you got was that you sort of structured, you know, you got some head bird comparisons.
Marc:Sure.
Marc:You know, and you got, but you had, you know, I think stylistically you seem to be changing a little bit.
Marc:You found your voice a little more, don't you think?
Guest:Yeah, I mean, I think like... Who influenced you the most, you think?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:Did you ever meet Mitch?
Guest:I met him like very briefly.
Guest:Yeah, I mean, I always thought that was kind of strange because like I don't do any one-liners at all.
Guest:Like maybe like...
Guest:I think that came mainly from the Invite Them Up CD that I recorded a set on that.
Guest:Maybe I'd been listening to a lot of Hedberg and some of that voice had just been in my head.
Guest:I wasn't constantly like, oh, this is perfect.
Guest:I'll sound like this guy and everything's going to work out great.
Guest:I think I'd just been, like we were talking about earlier, just like about your accent.
Guest:I think I'd probably just been listening to a lot of that.
Guest:Maybe that had been in there, but it was never a deliberate thing.
Guest:And also it's like, I probably sounded totally different four months later.
Guest:So it's like, just because that's a recorded thing in time,
Guest:It's like, oh, well, that's there forever.
Guest:But I probably sounded totally different when I said those jokes a year later, six months later.
Guest:Who knows?
Marc:You know what I mean?
Marc:Well, you have a certain cadence.
Marc:I think your cadence, it sort of started to define itself.
Marc:And the weird thing is, my buddy Jonathan used to tell me about, he'd say that Tom Rhodes and Mitch Hedberg just are doing different speeds of black talk.
Marc:And I never thought about their cadence as sort of like, well, I don't know if I, but there is sort of, and I never noticed that.
Marc:And I know that you're like a big hip hop fan and you talk about hanging out with Kanye West.
Marc:I mean, how much influence does that have on you?
Guest:I mean, as far as comedically, I don't know.
Guest:I'd say when I started out, my biggest influence was probably Chris Rock.
Guest:Those two specials came out when I was in high school and college, and I just knew every word, and I still do.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah, that was a huge influence.
Guest:And then, like, honestly, like, as I said, coming up doing comedy, my influences were just, like, people that I would see, you know, doing comedy.
Guest:People like, you know, Todd, Eugene, yourselves, Louis, Patton, you know, just other guys that I would see do comedy and look up to.
Guest:Because, you know, I think, you know, I never would see Chris Rock live.
Guest:I saw him a handful of times when he dropped into the cellar.
Guest:But, like, you know.
Guest:It's weird, though, isn't it with him?
Marc:When he does the cellar, like, he just doesn't turn on any juice at all.
Guest:That was like one of the coolest things I ever saw when I first started doing comedy.
Guest:Like, you know, it was like a few months after I started.
Guest:And he came into the comedy cellar and I was like, what the fuck?
Guest:Like, I couldn't believe it.
Guest:Like, you know, like the most person I would be most excited to see in my entire life at that point, you know.
Guest:and he came in and just bombed yeah like just totally tanked and you could just see he couldn't give a shit less like he just didn't care at all and like was just trying new stuff and just bombed and i was like wow that is so cool like even like this guy who's like the best arguably yeah is just tanking and doesn't care so i think in that helped you yeah because i mean it's great i mean it's great to see other people fail much less the person you think is the best if you see the person you think is the best at something fail at it like that's the greatest thing you could see
Guest:I mean, seeing anybody fail, seeing anyone else fail is always a great thing.
Guest:Oh, absolutely.
Guest:And hilarious.
Guest:It just means you're doing better.
Guest:You know how much I want to see Louis fail more often?
Guest:It makes me feel bad every time.
Guest:Yeah, you're going to have to wait on that one.
Guest:How's Louis' new hour?
Guest:It's way better than the last one.
Guest:Bye!
Guest:How's Louis Noir?
Guest:It's terrible.
Guest:Okay, he's human.
Guest:Thank you.
Marc:Oh, he's very human.
Marc:But no, I think Chris does it by design.
Marc:I think that literally he'll go up there with new material and just see how the material holds together.
Marc:And if there's laughs without him... Without him selling it as well.
Marc:Right.
Marc:Well, yeah, because he sells.
Marc:I mean, you know, when he does a theater or something and you do that, too.
Marc:You're very intent.
Marc:You're intense.
Marc:You're focused.
Marc:There's a pace.
Marc:There's a punch.
Marc:You know, there's no you don't relent.
Marc:There's never a moment where I've ever seen you go like, I'm going to soften it up a little bit.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, no, you're right.
Guest:When he does those club sets, it's definitely... Oh, yeah, he turns it all off.
Guest:Turns all the delivery off.
Marc:It's almost weird.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:You know, it's soft-spoken.
Marc:And I don't know that... Well, that's interesting.
Marc:So how the hell do you know... How do you... Because are you obsessed with Kanye West?
Yeah.
Guest:I'm a huge fan of his music.
Guest:And you have been for a long time?
Guest:Yeah, I'm a big fan of his music, and he just came to a couple of shows.
Guest:And I think because I talked about him in the special, and I talked about him on Letterman once, and those are just two clips that are online a lot, people are like, whoa, this guy's obsessed with Kanye West.
Guest:Do people say that to you?
Guest:No, but I mean, people ask me about him a lot.
Marc:But it just seems to me that like, you know, when you become as successful as you've become, you know, you start in one place, you know, where you're just a comic and you're running around your kid trying to do comedy and watching people you like.
Marc:And then all of a sudden you're in this other place where you have access to this whole other world.
Marc:No, it's great.
Guest:I mean, it must be mind blowing.
Guest:It is, that's the thing that I hope people understand about me.
Guest:Anytime I get to experience anything like that, it's very weird to me.
Guest:I don't feel like I belong in those situations.
Guest:I was talking about this the other day, someone like, a few weeks ago I did this thing at the MTV VMAs, the Video Music Awards, where I was introducing Kanye, actually.
Guest:And I was just back there hanging around, and, like, you know, like, Usher's there.
Guest:And to me, that's hilarious.
Guest:Like, me being around Usher, like, that should have never happened.
Guest:Those two people should have never come together.
Guest:We should not be anywhere near each other.
Guest:But the fact that, for some reason, I've been able to occasionally get to be in those circles is just really weird and funny to me.
Guest:But I don't, like, walk around there confident, like, hey, what's up, Usher?
Guest:Yeah, what's going on, man?
Guest:Hey.
Guest:No, I'm like...
Guest:There's Usher.
Marc:Yeah, I better look at my phone.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:Usher's like, Aziz, I'm a big fan.
Guest:I'm like, sorry, I gotta text somebody.
Marc:You haven't been a dick to anybody?
Guest:No, I try to be nice to everyone, yeah.
Marc:I think it's weird because when somebody... I think people forget that comedians are socially awkward.
Marc:When I first started seeing you around, I'm like, that guy's cocky.
Marc:And then when I finally talked to you, it's like, no, he's not.
Marc:It's just in his head.
Marc:Because you're a pretty nice guy.
Marc:You're not an asshole.
Guest:No, I try to be very nice to everyone.
Guest:If I'm on my phone, I'm usually just like...
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Probably just like, don't have anyone to talk to.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:Can't deal.
Guest:Help me out.
Guest:Let me text someone that might want to talk to me right now.
Marc:Now, with Parks and Rec, I mean, it seems like, how much freedom do you have in that?
Marc:Because it seems like you kind of made that character.
Guest:um you know they uh they um parks and rec is really cool because the the guys that um run that show greg daniels and mike sure are really cool about letting the actors have input into the characters and like you know they'll take little things we do and those will kind of become more defining parts of the character you know and and i think all the characters have been fleshed out more of our own personalities and stuff like
Guest:you know like Ron Swanson the character that Nick Offerman plays like Nick is kind of like Ron in some ways like some aspects of his personality that are in Ron like some interest in things like that like me with uh with with Tom like you know I do know a little bit about hip-hop music and stuff like I know about that culture of bottle service and stuff and think that's interesting and you know I'm not not interesting and like I want to be a part of it but interesting to you know and a character that would do that you have been part of it though now
Guest:Um, not in the way of like, oh, let me go to this club and buy bottle service.
Guest:More like, maybe like I'll be in some small town and they'll be like, hey, you're on TV, let's get you a bottle.
Marc:And even then I'm like, I don't want to do that.
Marc:So you kind of avoid star treatment if possible?
Marc:You don't?
Guest:All that stuff makes me feel uncomfortable.
Guest:Yeah, because I was actually in Philadelphia or something, and I'd finish the show, and I was at some bar, and they're like, hey, we're big fans.
Guest:We'll give you a bottle of something or whatever.
Guest:And I was like, oh, sure, whatever.
Guest:And then some guy walked by, and I guess there's a joke in my special.
Guest:I don't remember it super well, but it was like...
Guest:I say something about like douchebags with bottle service.
Guest:He's like, oh, so look, so he's like, look, you got bottle service.
Guest:I was like, oh man, I didn't even think about that.
Guest:I guess I can't do that anymore.
Guest:Not publicly.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Maybe at home.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So now how many, what season is in Parks and Recreation?
Marc:We're filming season three right now.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:And it's going good?
Guest:Yeah, it's been really fun.
Guest:I just feel so lucky to be able to work with that cast.
Guest:Everyone on there is really good.
Guest:Amy and Aubrey Plaza and Chris Pratt, Nick Offerman, Rashida, everyone really brings it.
Guest:It's just a cool ensemble cast.
Guest:Rob Lowe and Adam Scott are on there now.
Marc:It's permanent?
Guest:They're recurring?
Guest:Yeah, they're both permanent.
Guest:They're both great.
Guest:I feel like the show's really hitting the groove now.
Guest:Yeah, the episodes we've been doing, I feel like, are our best ones.
Marc:And who do you think is like the big, like you did, you hosted the, which one did you host, Video Music Awards?
Guest:I hosted the Movie Awards.
Marc:And that's a big gig, really.
Guest:That was crazy, yeah.
Guest:I mean, that was really fun.
Marc:And who was your support on that?
Marc:Did you have a writing crew or what?
Guest:Yeah, definitely.
Guest:I had my friend Jason Wallner, the
Guest:director yeah he helped me out with stuff um uh he directed the videos and stuff with me and um uh or he directed them yeah and directed with him but um and helped me write stuff and uh and and then like just you know random comics you know people you know like chelsea peretti chelsea peretti came in a lot she is amazing she's writing on parks now actually right um she came in a lot um this guy joe mandy came in
Guest:I like Joe.
Guest:Yeah, he's great.
Guest:He's funny, man.
Guest:Doug Benson.
Guest:I feel bad I'm going to leave people out, but those guys, the birthday boys, some of those guys.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I would just bring in different people whenever people were around.
Guest:Try to put shit together?
Guest:Yeah, because everyone's so busy.
Guest:People that are good usually have other stuff going on, too.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I would just email people and be like, hey, if you're around, if you want to come by and help.
Guest:And that's one of those cool things where it's like when I got that, like all my friends were just like, you know, even like guys like Harris Whittles and my friend Alan Yang that ride on parks, like they were working on parks, but like, you know, on a weekend or something, they would come and like, you know, or I would email them scripts and be like, hey, if you have any ideas.
Guest:And it's just one of those things where it's really cool because like all your friends, like, you know, it looks like it's just, you know, it's just me up there.
Guest:Like I'm the only person that'll ultimately get credit for that from a lot of people.
Guest:They just don't think about there being a writing staff and, but...
Guest:So many of my friends came and were just like, just anything they could do to help.
Guest:And have it go.
Guest:It was super fun.
Guest:I was really happy with it.
Guest:It ultimately boils down to you do a monologue and then a couple of short films and then a stage bit.
Guest:And I felt really strong about all the pieces of that that I did.
Guest:It was really fun.
Marc:Do you get freaked out at all, though?
Marc:Because when I think about my own lack of success in my life, I think it's because I would get freaked out.
Marc:If they said, you've got to host that show, I think I'd be like, oh, fuck.
Marc:Really?
Marc:I mean, what do I got to do?
Marc:Do you have any of those thoughts or is your first thought like, fuck yeah?
Guest:You know, I just kind of think about things like when I got that, my thought process was like, all right, well, these are the pieces I need.
Guest:Pieces.
Guest:Compartmentalizing.
Guest:I knew I could do shorts.
Guest:Like, I know I could come up with funny ideas for shorts.
Guest:And, like, right away after I got it, for some reason, the idea for one of the shorts that I did was a thing called Stunt Kids.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And I pitched it to Jason, and I was like, oh, we should do a thing, because we've always been obsessed with stuntmen.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:And so, like, why don't we do a thing called Stunt Kids about, like, kid stuntmen?
Guest:And then that was one of the things we ended up doing.
Guest:And then, like, the monologue, like, to me, like, that's, like, your... That's the easiest part, because, like, okay, well, I do stand-up all the time.
Guest:I just got to just really focus and do stuff about movies.
Guest:I have a couple months, and then I would just take it out and just, like, start getting it into shape and clubs to where, like, I knew it killed.
Guest:Like, I did it a bunch, and, like, I knew it killed.
Marc:Right, I think that's what you were working on when I saw you, probably.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:Right, at Tiger Lily and at Tell Your Friends, I think.
Guest:Yeah, probably around that time, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, yeah.
Guest:And so, yeah, I kind of work...
Guest:hard on stuff so where i'm confident and don't get nervous like when i went on to do the monologue at the at the movie awards like i wasn't nervous because i was like i've done this i know it works i've done these jokes in all different types of rooms i know this works if this audience doesn't laugh it's just you know i can't do anything else but i know this is funny i know this will work you know i guess that's the thing i i i read about you or not read about you but the one thing i noticed about you is that you do have a sort of genuine confidence about it you don't seem that insecure about shit
Guest:No, yeah, people always ask, like, oh, are you nervous every time?
Guest:Not really, because unless you're working on totally new stuff, you've done the stuff before and know it works, and you're either refining it or just doing stuff you know that works to just do a good show.
Guest:So you have to be somewhat confident based on the history of the prior performances.
Marc:But did you ever experience that?
Marc:You don't seem like a very insecure person.
Marc:I mean, you may not be a sociable person, or you may not feel like you fit in, but you don't seem like you're like, I'm an idiot.
Guest:I guess I'm pretty confident most of the time.
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:That's pretty good.
Guest:Yeah, I guess so.
Guest:Your parents did a pretty good job.
Guest:I'm probably definitely more confident in life right before I go to do stand-up because I've done it.
Guest:When I do a tour show, I was like, no, I know I did this the other day and it went really well.
Guest:You just know it works.
Guest:Yeah, you just know it works.
Guest:If it doesn't work today, it's like, all right, well, you know what?
Guest:Fuck you guys.
Yeah.
Guest:You're right.
Guest:That's good.
Guest:I'll send you a DVD from the other show and prove to you that you were wrong.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:My bad.
Guest:Isn't that like Seinfeld and Larry David have like Seinfeld thinks like if you do a show and you do the same jokes for two audiences and it doesn't work the second time it's your fault and Larry David thinks it's the audience's fault or something like that.
Guest:Sure.
Marc:Look, if I get a joke that works really well, eventually I just forget about it.
Marc:Because I thrive on the idea that I don't know what the fuck is going to happen, which is not the greatest entertainment experience for people.
Marc:Like what you're talking about, when people pay for tickets, you're professional, they're expecting something that works and that is consistent.
Marc:Whereas I don't always think about how much people paid, and I find it much more interesting if I flounder through something that's half-baked if the experience is real.
Marc:But people don't come back for that.
Yeah.
Guest:Hey, I've come back for it.
Guest:I've seen it.
Guest:Then again, I'm not paying anything.
Guest:I'm watching from the back.
Marc:You're just sitting in the back of the room.
Marc:What kind of family did you come from though?
Marc:How many siblings do you have?
Guest:I have one little brother.
Guest:How old is he?
Guest:He's 20.
Guest:Really?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:He's a good guy?
Guest:He is, he is.
Guest:You get along with him?
Guest:Yeah, get along with him really well.
Guest:He's into a lot of the same stuff.
Guest:He's really into comedy.
Guest:He's kind of shy.
Guest:He's not like a type of person that would ever become a performer, but we have a similar sense of humor, and he likes all the kind of comedy you expect me to like.
Marc:The good stuff?
Guest:The good stuff.
Marc:Does he want to be in show business?
Guest:I think he wants to be like a writer or something like that, I think.
Marc:Have you had him out?
Marc:Is he living out here yet?
Guest:No, he's still in school.
Guest:He goes to school in Atlanta.
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:He's like the type of guy, he probably wants to intern at Adult Swim or something like that.
Guest:Oh, really?
Guest:Yeah.
Marc:And you're going to help him out?
Guest:You know, I just can't.
Guest:No, of course.
Marc:Kid's got to make it on his own.
Marc:Yeah, I struggled.
Marc:And what's the family business?
Guest:My dad is a doctor.
Guest:He's a gastroenterologist, and my mom works at his office.
Marc:So you grew up in a doctor's family, too.
Marc:I did, too.
Marc:Oh, yeah?
Marc:Yeah, my dad's a surgeon.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:It's really good if you don't feel well.
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:When you grow up with a doctor.
Marc:Yeah.
Guest:Gastroenterologist, that's like your guts?
Guest:Your stomach, yeah.
Guest:If you swallow something or if you have the shits, those kind of things.
Guest:That's your dad?
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Anytime I can text my dad, hey, I got the shits.
Guest:What's up?
Guest:All right, here's the deal.
Guest:Here's what you got to do.
Guest:That's what my dad sounds like.
Guest:How runny is it?
Guest:Is there blood in it?
Marc:Yeah.
Marc:So any movies coming up?
Guest:Outside the one you just shot?
Guest:Just that 30 minutes or less, that'll come out in August.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:How's your love life?
Guest:You know, it's tough because I'm like not in one place at any time.
Guest:It's either tough or perfect.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:really depends how you look at that that's true yeah i'm just traveling a lot so i'm just you know hooking up with slutty girls in different towns there you go no i'm not i'm kidding yeah no it's it's tough because i'm traveling all the time so like people don't really i think girls any like girls that are like you know yeah they don't really take you seriously like oh yeah great you're gone in like two days yeah except for the ones are like great you're gone in two days let's get this done
Marc:What do you find that, because of the MTV and stuff, I mean, who is your audience?
Marc:I mean, are they mostly people your age?
Marc:Are they younger?
Marc:I have to assume you get a lot of kids.
Guest:I would say it's mostly white people in their 20s.
Guest:Yeah?
Guest:It's mostly that.
Marc:You don't go over with black audiences?
Guest:Yeah, I do here and there.
Guest:I feel like I could play to that audience more.
Guest:I always like it when I see different types of people in the crowd.
Marc:You can say it.
Marc:You like when black people laugh at you.
Guest:No, but I mean older people.
Guest:I love it when I do a show and I see some older people there.
Guest:If there's an older couple in an audience, like when I'm doing my tour, I always watch them the whole time to make sure they're laughing at everything.
Marc:And it makes you feel like you're really a pro.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:Yeah, because one thing I hate, sometimes I've read people say, oh, he does a lot of pop culture stuff.
Guest:And it's like, not really.
Guest:If you don't know who R. Kelly is or who Kanye West is, those jokes still work.
Guest:I've had people come up to me and say, I don't know what Facebook is, but I like that story you tell about your cousin.
Guest:It's funny to me because you're just really telling a story about... I mean, if I talk about Facebook, it's not a joke about Facebook.
Guest:It's a joke about my cousin and how he's weird.
Guest:And it just...
Guest:the the story involves that medium because that's what our lives is now you know like but do you say after uh they say i don't know what facebook is do you say you're fucking idiot yeah wow man i just read an article it said one out of 14 people has a facebook profile that can't be right can it i think so one out of 14 did you see that movie yet i did i thought it was really good did you see it no i want to see it it looks really compelling it's really good i'm glad i saw it one out of 14 people on the planet
Guest:that's what it said out of all people that's what it said i i read it a few times because i was like that's that's insane but i mean it's 500 million people i mean i guess jesus christ yeah but i mean but my point is like anytime i do anything about like pop culture or anything like that like i make sure that if you don't know the thing i'm talking about it's still entertaining because you know otherwise your stuff doesn't really age that well you know yeah and so you're pretty sensitive to what people say about you what some other things that pissed you off
Guest:um the pop culture thing seems to have gotten you you seem to have heard the Hedberg thing before yeah I'd read that before just from the invite them up see but I never hear that anymore I really think that was just at that time I must have been listening to a lot of his stuff it's natural evolution yeah people pick their guys yeah um
Guest:What else?
Guest:I don't know.
Guest:What have you read?
Guest:Anything else?
Guest:No, no.
Guest:I only have my own.
Guest:I'm sure I have a rebuttal for all of it.
Marc:No, there's not much criticism.
Guest:It's always a bummer just to read anything bad about yourself.
Marc:It's not fun to read people criticize.
Marc:Do you get stuck in that fucking shit?
Marc:Are you a person that reads chat boards and shit about yourself?
Guest:No.
Guest:You can't after a certain time.
Guest:I stopped doing that a while ago because I thought about it like this.
Guest:You take like your favorite thing, like the thing you think is like the perfect thing in comedy.
Guest:Like, you know, I mean, for me, like, you know, if I Google like Chris Rock, bring the pain, there'll be 100 people that say, oh, it's a worse shit.
Guest:Like, it's terrible.
Guest:There's nothing funny in it.
Guest:And so it's like, well, if that's not going to win that contest, then nothing will.
Guest:Right.
Guest:Right.
Guest:You know, so it's like then that just nullifies everything.
Guest:Yeah.
Guest:You just don't care about anything.
Marc:and a lot of times when it's on the computer you see like you know the internet is against me and you forget sometimes it's just one douchebag and not only just a douchebag but a guy who would sit and do that who the fuck does that yeah who says i'm going to comment on this chat board something negative about chris rock yeah it's yeah yeah what is going on to where you're like you know what it's 2010 i'm kind of bored i'm gonna go shit on chris rocks bring the pain no
Guest:That's a crazy person.
Guest:But, you know, I mean, to me, like, all that stuff really doesn't matter, especially, like, you know, like, you know, out of all the things I've gotten to do this year, like, the tour has really been, like, the most, like, cool thing for me to, like, go to, like, you know, like, places, like, smaller places, like, Milwaukee and stuff, and, like, have, like, 4,000 people come out.
Guest:It's like, wow.
Guest:Like, that's, that, like...
Guest:defeats anything negative anyone could say on the internet to me like that's awesome that that many people enjoyed my special or whatever to like come that is pretty amazing you know like that what are the venues you're playing like the two to five thousand seaters um yeah i usually try to do like a fifteen hundred or two thousand seat place and do like two shows okay you know like yeah for some reason that's seems more intimate than like a four thousand yeah yeah yeah and i guess there's a lot of the about that size theater around yeah who do you bring to open for you
Guest:I use a few guys, Hannibal Buress, he's got a few, John Mulaney.
Guest:They've both been on the show.
Guest:Yeah, this guy Dan Levy lives in LA.
Guest:I know Dan, yeah.
Guest:Yeah, Dan, who else?
Guest:Harris Whittles is doing one with me coming up.
Guest:But mainly those guys.
Guest:Yeah, Dan usually does like the West Coast.
Guest:Oh, Cal Canaan came out for one.
Marc:And they do what, 20?
Marc:yeah 25 around that and then you do an hour yeah or more 15. yeah yeah i usually like an hour and then do like 15 minutes like a dicking around encore now have you uh what in terms of this uh seeing as now i know you a little better and i know that you're really uh excited to be about to be in show business
Marc:and have come to where you've come.
Marc:Have you met people where you've had a hard time keeping your shit together?
Marc:I mean, did you ever get to spend time with Chris, given that you're such a big hero?
Guest:You know, I haven't got to spend a lot of time with him.
Guest:I briefly talked to him here and there, but never a long conversation.
Guest:I'm trying to think.
Guest:I mean, anyone in comedy that I've met has been... I haven't ever really talked to Chappelle.
Guest:I've never talked to him.
Guest:He's another guy I really look up to, and I've always enjoyed his... Well, he's out on a farm somewhere, isn't he?
Guest:Yeah, but I've never... But Louis?
Marc:You sat down with Louis?
Guest:Yeah, I mean, Louis was on Parks, and... Oh, that's right.
Guest:Yeah, he was on Parks, and he's a guy... He's my favorite guy that's doing stuff right now, and...
Guest:Yeah, he's he's he's really cool.
Guest:I've definitely like talked to him about like, you know, when he was shooting parties, it was around the time I was like doing recording my special.
Guest:I was like, man, I'm like terrified.
Guest:Like, this is all this material is gone.
Guest:Like, how do you like keep recording hours?
Guest:And like, you know, he talked to me about that and like was like, yeah, you know, I just kind of go out into clubs and, you know,
Guest:just start fresh and you know you start off and you have like 10-15 minutes and then you kind of do a couple more sets and then it becomes like 20-25 and you you know go to a couple of clubs like the punchline and do some more and then that becomes 45 and then you start touring with that and then it's like I was like yeah whatever I'm sorry then that's kind of exactly what you do if you like really just kind of force yourself and go like all right well I want to keep doing stand-up but I'm gonna kill all that stuff it just happens or you know
Guest:But even still, I'm still kind of nervous.
Guest:I was like, oh man, this tour's about to be over, man.
Marc:I hope I can come up with some more stuff.
Marc:Would you ever think about using writers to generate?
Guest:You know, even on the movie awards, which was a thing about like, you know, where it was like- It's a TV job.
Guest:It's a TV thing, and it's like, all right, well, the stand-up's gotta be about movies.
Guest:Sure.
Guest:I just couldn't, you know, I ended up mostly just using my own stuff.
Guest:Like, you know, there may have been like a tagline here or there, but it was pretty much just, I think for me, like, it has to come for me because it's my voice.
Guest:It's ultimately me saying the stuff.
Guest:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest:I don't think I could do it.
Guest:I don't know.
Marc:Yes, you got a lot of work to do.
Guest:I know, it's tough.
Marc:All right, Aziz, man, good talking to you.
Guest:Thank you so much for having me.
Guest:It was a pleasure.
Marc:Yeah, it was great.
Marc:I'm glad we did it.
Marc:I like you better now.
Guest:Oh, that's the goal, man.
Guest:I got to start doing every podcast.
Guest:Okay, talk to you later.
Marc:That's it.
Marc:That's Aziz Ansari, the comedy megastar.
Marc:Thank you for listening.
Marc:I really appreciate you listening.
Marc:I'm happy to do this for you.
Marc:Please go to WTFPod.com and get yourself a t-shirt.
Marc:Get on the mailing list.
Marc:Kick in a few shekels to keep me alive and pumping as I move through life.
Marc:Also, go to JustCoffee.coop, which you can get at WTFPod.com.
Marc:And if you have not gotten tickets for the Union Hall shows in Brooklyn, December 9th and 10th for my CD taping, I would do that.
Marc:Go to UnionHallNY.com and get some tickets for that, December 9th and 10th.
Marc:Live, Marc Maron CD taping.
Marc:That's me talking about me in the third person.
Marc:That's fucking heinous.
Marc:Okay, I'll talk to you later.
you